#ㅤ۪ㅤ۫ㅤ੭ ᵃᵘˢᵗᵉⁿ 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫 : ❪ ⠀ ⠀ prose ⠀ ⠀ ❫

[chcrrybcmbs]

closed starter for julian , outside her na meeting . ( @stardcwn )

these meetings never did much of anything for austen at this point . just becoming a means to safely let out whatever she had on her mind without the fear that came with talking to a therapist hired by her parents . actress making her way out of the building nodding away to whatever the guy beside her was blabbering on about . stopping in her tracks when she recognizes a familiar vehicle ... that's not her driver . arms crossed as she stomps over to the rolled down window . " what ? " she hisses , " am i in high school getting picked up by daddy ? " was she frustrated with him ? absolutely , austen let alot of things slide . she really did ; she could get behind an addict , a cheater , a liar , even social climbers ... but a hypocrite ? was where she drew the line . for that very hypocrite to be her own father felt like he'd betrayed her all over again . she should've been used to it by now , she supposed .

[shesholy]

a   self   para   of   #𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚛   in  involuntary   rehab   .   

               the  harsh  reality  finally  settling  .  digits  fiddling  with  the  journal  she’d  been  handed  on  her  first  day  .  pages  riddled  with  i  hate  them  written  consecutively  only  for  a  few  pages  in  ,  the  letter’s  shift  to  i  hate  myself  .  left  all  alone  ,  with  just  her  thoughts  and  strangers  who  claimed  they  wanted  to  know  each  and  every  thought  that  swirled  through  her  brain  .  it  was  like  living  in  her  own  personal  hell  .  feelings  of  betrayal  shift  from  other’s  and  onto  herself  .  admittedly  ,  her  own  worst  enemy  .  faced  with  two  choices  :  give  in  to  the  process  or  play  the  game  until  she  can  walk  through  the  front  doors  and  reclaim  her  freedom  .  either  way  she  feels  as  though  she’s  lost  .  in  the  confines  of  her  room  ,  tears  ravage  porcelain  skin  .  trust  in  herself  as  well  as  those  who  claimed  to  love  her  lost  .  

if  they  love  me  as  much  as  they  say  they  do  ,  why  tuck  me  a  away  ?  out  of  sight  ,  out  of  mind  .  they  are  no  better  than  my  grandparents  .  scribbled  into  the  very  journal  ,  moments  before  her  next  counseling  session  .  therapy  never  having  been  her  thing  but  here  she  had  no  choice  but  to  attend  .  even  if  she  refused  to  speak  ,  her  presence  was  mandatory  .  

for  the  first  week  ,  she  deny’s  visitation  .  it’s  her  right  ,  one  of  the  last  few  choices  she’d  been  left  with  .  not  wanting  to  face  anyone  ,  although  she  can’t  particularly  pinpoint  why  .  was  it  embarrassment  ?  a  way  for  her  to  punish  those  she  felt  thrown  away  by  ?  probably  a  mixture  of  both  .  it’s  not  fair  ,  she  screams  ,  voice  echoing  throughout  her  room  .  god  ,  she  misses  her  room  at  home  .  she  misses  filming  ,  the  only  time  she  felt  as  if  she  could  fully  escape  her  own  reality  .  the  reminder  of  both  productions  she’d  been  working  on  having  to  halt  filming  in  her  absence  .  

each  night  she  tosses  and  turns  ,  mulling  over  how  she  could  possibly  numb  the  pain  .  cliche  therapist  quotes  etching  a  space  in  her  brain  .  recovery  begins  the  moment  you  surrender  ,  you’ll  never  heal  if  you  keep  pretending  you’re  not  hurting  .  eyes  roll  back  at  the  very  sound  of  words  .  annoyed  and  frustrated  because  for  the  first  time  ,  she  actually  hears  the  words  .  loud  and  clear  .  

weak  hands  reach  for  a  journal  that’s  damage  emulates  her  own  .  pen  to  paper  .  she  may  not  be  ready  to  say  everything  outloud  ,  but  she  knows  she  needs  to  admit  it  .  even  if  only  to  herself  .  

breakthrough  journal  entry  :  i’m  an  addict  .  never  addicted  to  one  thing  ;  i’m  addicted  to  filling  a  void  within  myself  ,  with  things  other  than  my  own  love  because  i  don’t  think  i  deserve  it  ...  to  be  loved  .  i  sabotage  good  things  in  fear  of  rejection  .  i’m  constantly  afraid  the  people  i  love  will  wake  up  one  day  and  realize  i’m  not  worth  the  headache  and  walk  away  from  me  ,  forever  .  i  owe  so  many  people  apologies  ;  my  mom  ,  my  dad  ,  archie  ,  micah  ,  cely  ,  zach  ,  val  ,  my  fans  ,  and  most  importantly  myself  .  i  don’t  know  if  i’m  strong  enough  to  get  through  this  but  i  think  i’m  finally  willing  to  try  .  i  just  want  to  be  happy  .                                                       

[chcrrybcmbs]

eyebrows  twitch  ,  lips  attempt  to  pull  into  a  straight  line  to  mask  the  smile  that  wanted  so  badly  to  shine  through  ,  "  i  have  no  clue  what  you're  talking  about  .  "  of  course  she  did  ,  though  .  meticulous  in  her  demands  ,  a  bossy  girl  by  nature  and  early  on  she'd  realized  adrian  fitzgerald  --  the  boy  who  refused  to  be  tamed  ,  happily  handed  over  the  reigns  to  an  invisible  leash  many  didn't  even  know  was  attached  to  him  ,  into  the  small  hands  of  austen's  .  it  was  funny  ,  really  .  once  asking  the  most  ridiculous  things  of  him  ,  just  to  see  how  much  she  could  get  away  with  .  everything  .  she  could  get  away  with  anything  .  no  conditions  and  it  warmed  icy  parts  of  a  dying  heart  .  his  mother  often  telling  austen  she  was  like  some  sort  of  angel  that'd  fallen  down  to  earth  just  for  her  son  .  her  smile  matches  his  at  the  mention  of  his  father  ,  "  jinkies !  or  whatever  ,  "  ode  to  his  own  scooby  -  doo  reference  ,  "  those  meddling  dad's  ,  "  giggles  taking  up  the  air  around  her  .  just  like  that  ,  she  felt  calm  .  for  the  first  time  in  a  year  ,  her  heart  felt  at  complete  ease  because  things  felt  normal  .  a  part  of  her  hoping  he  wouldn't  take  her  up  on  the  google  search  another  part  of  her  fears  he  already  knows  the  bulk  --  if  he'd  had  someone  following  her  in  the  beginning  ,  he  surely  wouldn't  be  above  searching  in  her  name  .  a  sigh  of  relief  escapes  when  he  so  easily  stands  down  .  she  wins  ,  again  .  emerald  hues  flickering  up  ,  on  beat  with  his  light  tap  .  skin  to  skin  just  enough  to  ignite  something  akin  to  butterflies  in  her  stomach  .  and  she  feels  it  when  he  says  it  .  beautiful  .  her  own  hand  cupping  the  side  of  his  face  ,  gaze  taking  him  in  as  he  morphs  into  her  favorite  addiction  right  before  her  eyes  .  one  no  amount  of  time  or  effort  she  could  ever  kick  .  "  then  kiss  me  ,  "  soft  words  melting  of  plump  lips  , already closing the gap between them ,  "  maybe  i  won't  stop  you  .  "        

"  you'd  know  that  well  ,  huh  ?  "  smirk  on  his  lips  ,  brown  eyes  twinkling  as  they  fell  into  familiar  territory  .  the  back  and  forth  ,  the  teasing  .  and  it  was  definitely  true  ,  he  hadn't  followed  anyones  orders  more  than  the  girl  before  him  .  from  the  moment  they  met  ,  it  was  as  if  she  had  him  on  a  leash  .  usually  a  pit  bull  that  tugged  ,  bit  ,  teared  at  the  collar  on  his  neck  ,  it  seemed  she  soothed  him  enough  that  he  hadn't  minded  listening  to  whatever  she  asked  of  him  .  it  had  been  a  shock  to  him  ,  and  definitely  a  surprise  to  his  family  .  though  the  fitzgeralds  were  old  money  ,  they'd  never  contained  their  children  to  act  a  certain  way  .  let  the  boys  run  wild  ,  the  middle  child  always  the  one  to  push  boundaries  just  a  tad  bit  more  than  his  brothers  .  it's  why  he  showed  no  shame  ,  no  penitence  in  the  fact  that  he  had  hired  someone  to  follow  her  .  it  wasn't  for  her  safety  ,  she  was  more  than  capable  of  taking  care  of  herself  ,  but  for  his  sanity  .  he  could  make  himself  go  away  ,  but  he  couldn't  completely  let  go  .  "  yup  ,  "  pink  lips  jutting  out  as  he  popped  the  word  ,  "  for  a  brief  period  .  would've  been  the  entire  year  ,  if  it  wasn't  for  that  meddling  dad  of  mine  "  .  though  he  can't  stop  the  small  smile  at  the  mention  of  his  father  ,  revealing  his  true  feelings  on  the  man  and  the  matter  .  humming  ,  his  eyes  didn't  stray  from  her  figure  as  she  looked  down  .  he  wouldn't  admit  that  he'd  already  done  the  google  search  ,  paid  for  the  internet  package  on  the  flight  just  to  do  so  .  it  didn't  matter  what  he  read  ,  and  it  wouldn't  have  mattered  what  she  said  .  he  was  sure  she  had  to  know  that  .  how  much  had  he  allowed  ,  shrugged  off  ,  throughout  their  years  together  .  and  even  if  he  felt  as  if  he  could  justify  even  a  slimmer  of  anger  at  what  she'd  done  in  the  year  apart  ,  it  would've  been  washed  away  by  her  simply  stating  she  missed  him  .  "  yeah  ,  that's  all  that  matters  ,  "  he  easily  yielded  ,    hand  lightly  tapping  her  chin  up  so  their  eyes  could  meet  again  .  his  fingers  tucking  a  strand  of  her  hair  behind  her  ear  .  "  so  fucking  beautiful  ,  "  mumbled  words  as  he  takes  her  in  ,  eyes  soft  despite  the  rigidness  of  his  features  .  "  i  want  to  kiss  you  ,  "  he  professed  ,  "  can  i  ?  "

[shesholy]

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆:     ʷⁱᵗʰ  ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ  ⁽  ᵒᵖᵉⁿ  ᵗᵒ  ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵒⁿᵉ  ⁾  . 𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆:     ᶜᵉˡᵉᵇʳⁱᵗʸ  ᵍᵒˡᶠ  ᵗᵒᵘʳⁿᵃᵐᵉⁿᵗ  .

               a  few  holes  in  .  to  many’s  surprise  she  was  doing  pretty  well  on  the  course  ,  that  was  until  she’d  tapped  into  the  bottle  she  snuck  on  her  cart  .  one  of  three  ,  actually  .  no  regard  for  the  fact  this  was  a  televised  event  .  her  partner  ,  one  of  her  costars  ,  irritating  her  with  his  nagging  after  the  second  time  she’d  let  the  club  go  flying  along  with  the  ball  .  she  found  it  funny  but  apparently  not  everyone  else’s  humor  lined  up  with  hers  .  a  real  shame  .  she  decided  to  retire  to  the  golf  cart  and  sip  away  her  frustrations  ,  talking  the  driver  into  letting  her  take  the  wheel  .  tequila  bottle  in  one  hand  with  the  other  on  the  wheel  ,  it  was  a  sight  she  was  sure  would  be  plastered  all  over  the  internet  within  a  few  minutes  .  oh  well  ,  she  thought  .  swerving  up  behind  the  familiar  face  ,  a  couple  holes  away  from  where  she  started  .  “  truth  or  fact  ,  i  can  get  a  dui  right  now  ?  “  she  yelled  out  ,  a   mischievous  smirk  playing  on  her  lips  .  “  i’d  love  my  very  own  arrest  me  officer  moment  ,  kinda  hot  don’t  you  think  ?  “  pulling  the  cart  up  beside  them  ,  getting  scarily  close  .        

[chcrrybcmbs]

𝐷𝐸𝐿𝐼𝑉𝐸𝑅𝑌 𝐹𝑂𝑅 ... julian calvary ( @stardcwn )

the relationship the youngest sinclair held with her parents had always been rocky . there was no two ways about it and it seemed with every year that passed a new obstacle arose . " did you ask me to dinner so i could watch you stuff your face ? " a raised brow as she looked across the table at her dad . smirk playing at her lips . no awareness of the chaos that consumed her family around her , if she were aware , there was no way to be sure she'd even care , truthfully . " peak father - daughter bonding if you ask me . "

[chcrrybcmbs]

𝐷𝐸𝐿𝐼𝑉𝐸𝑅𝑌 𝐹𝑂𝑅 ... persephone sinclair ( @elxctrics )

she hadn't seen much of her mother since mykonos , for good reason . she knew she was the basis of archie and their mother's rare fall out . a purposeful attempt to stay out of it . whatever the issue was , wasn't hers , atleast she'd tell herself that . " the studio time has been really ... therapeutic , " using the latter word with purpose . knowing her mother's obsession with bettering yourself . fun would be the word she'd normally use but if she was going to reaffirm this notion of her doing better ( which she was ) she had to choose her words wisely . " i did some shoots for an album cover , if you want to them ? "

[chcrrybcmbs]

" break the internet ? " austen's interest was immediately peaked . " you're speaking my language , maddie , " a tap of a slender index finger across plump lips as she mulled over ideas . devious side of her brain always ignited when she was around the blonde . " wanna ruin a marriage ? go out to lunch with my grandparents ? that one might burn the world to the ground ... "

"There's just so many ways to break the internet these days. How should we do it today?"

[chcrrybcmbs]

delivery for : jessie . ( closed ) location : the warwick in los angeles .

the  last  week  or  so  a  frenzy  for  the  actress  ,  revisiting  a  feeling  she'd  regrettably  missed  .  the  feeling  of  not  feeling  much  of  anything  at  all  .  to  the  public  she  was  stone  cold  sober  and  doing  better  than  ever  ,  though  .  so  , when  she  was  escorted  in  from  the  back  of  the  lounge  and  into  the  main  area  ,  the  looks  she  received  from  former  acquaintances  on  the  party  scene  were  ones  of  pure  shock  ,  concern  ,  and  overall  excitement  for  what  chaos  the  night  could  hold  with  the  girl  back  on  old  stomping  grounds  .  the  drinks  came  quick  ,  white  powder  hidden  in  her  wallet  slowly  depleting  as  the  night  progressed  .  to  austen  this  was  what  feeling  alive  felt  like  ,  no  one  could  tell  her  otherwise  in  the  moment  .  in  typical  fashion  she'd  found  a  guy  to  occupy  her  time  ,  head  fuzzy  as  she  appreciated  his  touch  ,  knowledge  that  she'd  never  see  him  again  a  level  of  comfort  for  her  . 

green  eyes  scanning  the  area  and  that's  when  she  spots  a  familiar  build  .  could  pick  him  out  of  any  line  up  ,  at  any  time  .  she  hadn't  seen  him  in  what  felt  like  forever  and  in  an  instance  the  sight  of  him  was  like  a  spike  of  electricity  through  her  system  .  nothing  about  their  relationship  was  ever  smooth  or  a  safe  space  but  she'd  have  been  a  liar  to  say  she  hadn't  found  comfort  in  the  memory  of  the  chaotic  love  affair  .  like  a  fly  to  a  flame  ,  she  gives  whats  his  name  a  pat  on  the  chest  ,  mouthing  the  words  '  don't  wait  up  for  me  '  before  making  her  way  over  to  where  jessie  was  sat  .  soft  hands  hover  over  his  eyes  ,  sickening  giggle  brushes  past  his  ear  ,  "  are  you  sick  of  all  those  other  girls  yet  ?  "  red  lipstick  pulls  into  a  devilish  grin  as  she  knows  she'd  treading  on  dangerous  water  .  ( @ofjessie ) 

[chcrrybcmbs]

𝐷𝐸𝐿𝐼𝑉𝐸𝑅𝑌 𝐹𝑂𝑅 ... archie sinclair ( @hvneybxns )

taking up the space beside her twin . head nuzzled in perfectly between his and his shoulder . there hadn't been much time between the two of them to really get a chance to talk . she'd undoubtedly missed him more than she'd ever admit . she also couldn't help but notice there was a particular air to him recently that was less like himself and more like her . " what's going on , arch ? " her voice a rare form of softness . normally , austen couldn't see past her own life to recognize when her brother wasn't doing all too well but there was a first time for everything , right ?

[shesholy]

who : austen and persephone . ( closed ) location : austen's house in encino .

her mom had been there no longer than ten minutes . the only time she'd left the couch since returning home . propped up on the kitchen counter . she'd been fighting every piece of her that told her to revert back to her old ways , her old mindset . " why does everyone leave ? " voice only carried by an underlying frustration . a life riddled with backs turned to her as they walked out the door , the sound of a door closing becoming something for her to be afraid of . although , none of her anger is geared toward anyone but herself . she wasn't mad at merrick , she didn't hate him and that perhaps was what made this entire situation all the more tough on her . gaze falling on her mom , " it's not fair . " ( @rxscss )

[chcrrybcmbs]

a  roll  of  light  eyes  once  things  go  sappy  .  never  quite  austen's  forte  but  her  smile  remains  .  "  wrong  ,  acai  bowls  have  a  choke hold  on  my  life  ,  "  she  laughed  ,  she  could  live  off  them  ,  if  need  be  and  still  be  perfectly  satisfied  with  her  diet  .  although  ,  austen  was  way  less  strict  with  her  diet  normally  but  giving  all  her  training  she'd  falling  back  into  a  rather  serious  regimen  .  if  her  coach  so  much  as  had  an  inkling  she  was  stuffing  her  face  in  a  carton  of  ice  cream  ,  she  wouldn't  be  able  to  leave  the  training  facility  for  a  week  .  her  lips  pursed  as  she  looks  over  at  her  mom  .  who  was  being  dramatic  now  ?  she  thought  .  nodding  along  in  agreement  for  a  split  second  until  the  word  '  but  '  rolls  out  .  "  grace  ?  "  humorless  laugh  takes  up  the  air  surrounding  them  .  "  where  was  my  grace  ?  "  the  question  flies  out  before  she  can  so  much  as  stop  it  ,  a  part  of  her  happy  it  came  out  though  .  "  nevermind  ,  "  she  groans  swatting  away  the  entire  conversation  with  a  wave  of  her  hand  .  the  night  was  going  good  ,  no  need  to  ruin  it  ,  she  supposed  .  "  you're  services  ?  "  she  laughs  ,  "  add  it  to  my  tab  ,  "  eyes  closing  for  a  moment  while  her  mom  worked  the  oil  through  her  ends  .  "  i  feel  like  i  need  a  trim  ,  "  she  notes  ,  "  carly  ,  has  been  away  for  weeks  ,  i  think  she  drowned  or  something  at  this  point  .  "  

despite what anyone in the world may have thought about austen or about them, persephone couldn't have dreamed up a better daughter if she tried. she was relentlessly beaming with pride for her, always her number one fan, and even when she failed? she saw her strength in the way she picked herself up off the pavement. because at the end of the day, she had come to learn that that's what truly defined someone. "and i wouldn't want you any other way." she said with a soft nod, leaning in to press a kiss against her head. "it is balance! can't just be all green juices and acai bowls twenty four seven, right? gotta add a little bit of fun in there, too." she said with a light laugh and a shake of her head as she leaned over to grab a spoon for herself as well as her own carton. letting out a heavy sigh at her words, her fingers pressed into her temples for a moment, knowing that austen's anger was completely justifiable. and she never wanted to be one to shut down her kids' feelings or tell them that they were wrong for feeling the way that they did. if she only knew just how upset persephone was over the whole ordeal, but she'd never let that show. "and you have every right to feel the way you do, trust me, but..." she said, letting out a heavy sigh. "people don't pick up that stuff just for the fun of it, they do it because they're hurting and they're trying to numb it out. i know that and you know that. so...just give him a little bit of grace, for me?" she asked with a sad smile. a light laugh left her at her request, grabbing the bottle again as she poured some of it in her hands. "you're lucky i don't charge you for my services." persephone teased with a laugh as she rubbed her hands together before reaching down to work the oil through austen's hair.

[shesholy]

𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘥     :     austen     and     everleigh     . 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯     :     her     house     in     encino     .

a  nice  day  out  called  for  a  day  out  by  her  pool  ,  laid  out  ,  catching  some  sun  and  she  couldn’t  think  of  a  better  person  to  invite  over  than  her  (  second  )  cousin  .  “  okay  ,  secret  time  ,  “  she  broke  the  comfortable  silence  with  a  sigh  .  a  secret  kept  for  weeks  now  ,  not  letting  a  soul  know  whom  she’d  been  in  contact  with  for  the  sake  of  past  rearing  up  like  the  ugly  monster  it  was  .  biting  at  the  inside  of  her  cheek  ,  lifting  sunglasses  from  the  bridge  of  her  nose  and  into  a  make  shift  headband  in  brunette  locks  .  “  i’ve  been  seeing  gram  and  grandpa  ,  “  she  just  lets  it  out  ,  lack  of  calvary  suffix  lets  it  be  known  she’s  referencing  maternal  side  .  eyes  lock  onto  the  pool  in  front  of  the  two  ,  in  fear  of  the  look  that  might  be  flashing  across  everleigh’s  face  .      (     @traegics​     )

[shesholy]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 :     ᶜˡᵒˢᵉᵈ  ᶠᵒʳ  ᶻᵃᶜʰ . 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :     ⁿᵇᶜ  ˢᵗᵘᵈⁱᵒˢ  .

               it  had  to  of  been  some  sort  of  sick  joke  or  maybe  fate  ,  austen  would  hope  it  was  the  latter  .  late  night  talk  shows  were  some  of  her  favorite  sort  of  interviews  but  with  her  and  her  ex  on  the  line  up  tonight  she  couldn’t  help  but  feel  a  little  uneasy  about  it  all  .  showing  up  a  little  early  for  hair  and  make  up  before  they  started  the  walk  through  ,  she  wasnt  surprised  when  she  noticed  him  walking  in  just  a  little  bit  a  head  of  her  .  telling  her  team  she’d  meet  them  at  her  dressing  room  before  putting  a  little  extra  pep  in  her  step  to  catch  up  with  him  .  it  was  as  if  every  time  she  was  put  in  his  vicinity  she  couldn’t  help  but  to  reach  out  .  call  it  a  subconscious  need  to  feel  connected  to  him  .  admittedly  she  regretted  her  choices  throughout  their  relationship  ,  hurting  him  ended  up  hurting  her  more  than  she  could  have  imagined  .  it  was  almost  as  if  she  was  playing  tug  of  war  with  who  he  knew  her  to  be  and  who  she  liked  to  portray  herself  as  since  their  split  .  “  hey  ,  happy  feet  “  gently  grabbing  his  arm  in  an  attempt  to  get  his  attention  her  words  a  nod  to  an  old  nickname  she’d  given  him   .  “  i  just  wanted  to  say  i’ll  go  easy  on  you  in  our  spill  your  guts  game  later  ,  “  offering  a  playful  smile  ,  ocean  eyes  looking  up  at  his  .  she  wasn’t  one  for  apologies  (  her  biggest  downside  )  but  she  hoped  he  saw  how  badly  she  felt  in  her  eyes  each  time  they  ran  into  one  another  .     (          @xofuente​​          )    

[shesholy]

*  𝘈𝘜𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘕  &  𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘏𝘐𝘌  .

“  full  transparency  ?  “  shifting  in  her  stance  ,  digits  tugging  at  her  sleeves  .  she’d  gone  straight  from  their  mother’s  house  to  archie’s  .  although  she  knew  she  needed  to  rest  ,  call  it  a  day  ,  there  was  only  one  person  she  thought  about  nonstop  through  the  entire  day  .  archie  .  never  having  gone  so  long  without  speaking  with  him  in  twenty  one  years  of  life  .  she’d  be  lying  if  she  said  it  hadn’t  felt  like  a  piece  of  her  heart  had  been  missing  for  the  last  month  .  he  was  her  other  half  in  every  way  but  she  still  struggled  with  how  everything  happened  that  day  .  she  knew  now  that  she  needed  help  but  she  also  needed  her  brother  ,  her  twin  and  that  day  she  felt  like  she  was  entirely  alone  in  the  world  for  the  first  time  in  her  life  .  a  little  less  than  a  month  in  rehab  wasn’t  going  be  able  to  make  her  forget  that  feeling  .  “  that  day  fucking  sucked  ,  “  blue  orbs  peer  up  at  the  taller  ,  biting  at  the  inside  of  her  cheek  .  brain  trying  to  rummage  through  all  the  things  she’d  learned  in  the  last  few  weeks  about  being  more  open  with  how  she  felt  .  it  had  always  been  easier  with  archie  ,  but  right  now  she  felt  like  she  was  walking  on  eggshells  .  no  idea  what  was  going  on  in  his  own  life  right  ,  she  didn’t  want  to  put  him  on  guilt  trip  .  “  i’ve  missed  you  so  much  ,  “  head  falls  for  a  second  when  her  voice  cracks  ,  “  i  wanted  to  let  you  come  visit  me  ,  i  wanted  you  to  see  that  i  was  trying  ...  that  i  was  trying  for  you  but  then  i  just  got  really  angry  and  sad  everytime  i  thought  about  you  .  “  fingers  fidgit  with  one another  as  she  tries  to  piece  together  her  thoughts  .  

connecting  with  :  @fvkarchie​​  ,  late  night  at  archie’s  house  .          

[chcrrybcmbs]

playful roll of her eyes at his words . austen found it a bit amusing that anyone could for a second think merrick was anything but the best thing to happen to her . sure , she had issues ( normally stemming from abandonment ) and although she knew their goodbye was more of a see you soon his return to london for those few months proved perhaps her issues weren't as resolved as she hoped people would believe but it also spoke volumes to her just how much she cared about him , just how much he'd impacted her life this year . after feeling like she was drowning for so long , he was the only one who could get her to feel like she was breathing again . " there's an easy fix to that , " giving his chest a soft tap with dainty fingers , " no more goodbyes , " shrug of her shoulders makes her words seem haphazard but she meant it with every fiber of her feeling . her own hand resting over his , " i'm going to do alot more than that , " free hand pulling his face closer to her as she places a cloud like kiss on his lips . " welcome back home , mer . "

"don't really care when they only come out around you." the male hummed and he knew that the second they left this airport they were still going to have to deal with so much nonsense surrounding the two of them but the brit couldn't bring himself to care as she smiled up at him like he was her entire world. maybe her parents were right, maybe he was in fact a cruel and selfish man. "it's been an ache in my chest since i said goodbye you in greece." and long since before that when she had been the one he left at the airport all those months and not the one that he was coming home too. stepping around her so that he could open the door to the waiting car for her merrick only smirked at her teasing as he watched her climb inside his bags quickly discarded in the back so that he could join her in the front, his hand finding her thigh to rest on immediately. "let's go scrub me off them shall we?"

[shesholy]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 :     ᶜˡᵒˢᵉᵈ  ᶠᵒʳ  ᶜᵃʳᵗᵉʳ . 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :     ʰⁱˢ  ᵇᵘʳˡᵉˢqᵘᵉ  ᶜˡᵘᵇ  .

               shocker  .  austen  finds  herself  at  carter’s  establishment  once  again  .  the  tabloids  were  sure  to  eat  this  up  ,  as  per  usual  .  "  now  carter  ,  i’m  going  to  need  an  explanation  ,  “  she  called  out  making  her  way  over  to  the  man  who’d  always  towered  over  her  .  his  security  promptly  behind  her  .  “  am  i  not  allowed  to  flirt  my  way  through  this  club  ?  “  hand  finding  a  comfortable  space  on  his  arm  ,  “  all  these  beautiful  women  around  and  you  sic  the  dogs  to  come  find  me  ,  “  she  teases  ,  a  devilish  grin  on  the  girls  face  as  her  eyes  scan  over  their  surroundings  .  they’d  never  been  serious  (  atleast  not  in  her  eyes  )   just  a  little  friends  with  benefits  situation  but  that  never  stopped  austen  from  poking  the  bear  .  it  was  enjoyable  for  her  ,  admittedly  .     (          @lgends​​          )