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I love "FILE THIRTEEN" ... William
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I am the proud new owner of a much more powerful tablet than I've been using for the last few years! I've got a lot to work out before I can get the most out of it but I'm so pumped to get stuck in and see how much I can do! Naturally these two get to be my training wheels subjects~
#ahuska#cipher thirteen#bothan#imperial agent#swtor oc#friend oc#mojo dojo dream house#hardest part so far#was working out how to get my files OFF the darned thing#I'd really like a nice workflow where I can switch between working on the tablet and working on my PC#fingers crossed I can get that happening!#dingoat does art
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i made this in five minutes with no consideration of what frames are best for her face shape, and with fucky masking, but glasses thirteen?? cutie patootie
#filing thirteen has contacts and glasses away for a small moment in itd lol#note to self#anya's b.s. (badly edited shitposts)#remy thirteen hadley#anya's bs (badly edited shitposts)
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Part Thirteen
"I think they feast on magic!" Fluttershy cried out as soon as she saw Twilight. The alicorn was rightfully stunned by this sudden intrusion.
"...What?" She raised an eyebrow.
"N-None of the unicorns become infected. P-Pinkie got to Rarity, and b-broke off her horn! She ATE Rarity, Twilight! She ATE HER!" Fluttershy cried frantically, beginning to hyperventilate.
"But... That means that every unicorn with reasonably strong magic is in danger!" Sweetie said, briefly breaking through the shock of seeing her sister become food in front of her. They didn't have time to mourn their losses. They couldn't with Pinkie, and they certainly couldn't with Rarity. Their current task was just surviving.
"So I guess they really did get to Princess Celestia..." Twilight muttered weakly, before her eyes widened. "We need to work on researching more of that cure. It's our only hope now."
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really want to get active on here again, if any blogs with similar interests could interact with this post so i can follow some more awesome people that would be fab!
hyperfixations include but aren't limited to..
doctor who (nine, ten, thirteen, thasmin, tenrose etc)
criminal minds (og and evolution)
stargate sg1 (sam x jack are endgame)
the x files
knives out/glass onion (benoit blanc my beloved)
#doctor who#thasmin#ninth doctor#tenth doctor#thirteenth doctor#thirteen x yaz#ten x rose#rose x nine#criminal minds#criminal minds evolution#the x files#txf#sg1#stargate sg1#sam x jack#mulder and scully#knives out#glass onion#benoit blanc
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This dvd collection is brought to you by thrift stores and the $5 bin at Walmart
#evil dead#dvds#horror movies#it#queen of the damned#the x files#thirteen ghosts#afternoon horror#Candyman#house of wax#cry_wolf#insidious#Halloween#October
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Edits - Trust Her, She's a Doctor.
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hozier's new album Unreal Unearth comes with the sad consequence that you will feel the sudden urge to write about lesbians every two minutes if you listen to it. beware of the dead women-lover ghost that possessed this holy man and guided his hands and whispered words in his ears and doomed us all
#hozier#unreal unearth#lesbian#like alr i was listening to Francesca and suddenly i had an open file on my pc ab mt fav couple#queer#LIKE I LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE#being italian is a gift in this situation cause I've been studying dante's Divina Commedia since I was thirteen what ab it
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Played more Hollow Knight
Defeated the two shroomal ogres in the Fungal Wastes, got a charm notch (yippee)
Found the stag way in the queen's station (didnt buy it because I was saying my money for a map)
Also went to the Fog Canyon
Saw Millibelle didnt speak to her
Found Cornifer and the Fungal Wastes' map
Figured put how to pogo on the purple mushrooms
Then made my way to the Mantis Village
Or at least I TRIED to
Because every single time I tried to get through the big downwards corridor to get to the bench at the bottom I got killed
Every. Single. Time.
One time I was literally RIGHT NEXT TO THE BENCH and I got killed
I thought the Shroomal Ogres were annoying
Then I met the mantises
Specifically the little flying fuckheads
OH MY FUCKING GOD I LITERALLY HATE THOSE THINGS SO FUCKING MUCH
I can handle the adults no problem but the babies? The little flying bitches that refuse to get in hitting range and constantly attack me
Evil hate those things
Especially when theres more than one of them at a time and they chase me
What kept happening was that I got chased I would panic and somehow jump into acid, jump on one of the non flying ones, get hit, etc
The second I get the abyss shriek all those fuckers are gonna die I swear to god
I had planned to get to the City of Tears to upgrade my nail then fight the Mantis Lords but thats clearly not happening today or I will break my computer
>:(
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Genocide flattens every discussion. There are no new conversations to be had about the destruction, death and cruelty. After more than a year, there is nothing left to be said about various media houses, corporations and international bodies of law aiding and abetting all that has been happening in Gaza, either. It is the banality of evil, it is colonialism. However even in this atrociously banal circumstance, I do think what still is a continued point of hope for Gazans and what still pushes so many of them to reach out to the world, is the support people around the globe have shown and still continue to show. Which is why I am here on behalf of the Shehab family ( @fahedshehab-new ) and requesting you to help them survive through this winter. This won't take much of your time so please read:
Fahed is currently supporting 13 family members in total- his own family and that of his sister’s.
He has to look after 8 children now, with the youngest being his son Yayha who is barely having anything to eat because the price of baby milk is exorbitantly high in Gaza.
The genocide has taken a toll on Fahed’s daughters. Sahar and Dana spent a whole year under the threat of bombs and right now instead of getting to be teenagers, they ask their father if they will survive. They have even said they don't want to live if they lose someone.
The family right now immediately needs clothes to keep them warm throughout winter. Fahed’s family is from the north and has been displaced several times before they came south. Displacement is dangerous and a silent killer because often essential items are lost and cannot be replaced in time.
Please consider that the weather has already turned colder around the world and that which is only mildly uncomfortable to us, presents a dire situation for Gazans. The families don't have a shelter and there is no way for tents to adequately protect from cold winds and rain. So right now the immediate need is for warm clothes and it can cost upto $400 per person. With THIRTEEN PEOPLE to take care of Fahed immediately needs to raise at least 5k to buy the required apparels. So please boost and donate.
Currently at $66,248. He needs to reach $71,248. Please help however you can.
Vetting link
Please remember that every donation, even if it is 5 dollars, is a ray of hope for the families who have lost everything.
Tagging for reach 🙏🏽
@brutaliakhoa @appsa @malcriada @aces-and-angels @three-croissants
@schoolhater @briarhips @timetravellingkitty @tiredguyswag @neptunerings
@brokenbackmountain @transmutationisms @fuckgimp @jezior0
@imjustheretotrytohelp @sunflowersmoths @khanger @autisticmudkip @zigcarnivorous
@maaszeltov @contra-file @venus-is-in-bloom @fading-event-608 @lesbianmaxevans
@girlinafairytale @heliopixels @celadonwanderer @paparoach @furiousfinnstan
@forgetfulrecord @flyskyhigh09 @aflamethatneverdies @thedigitalbard @lesbincineroar
@noble-kale @maoistyuri @lamngen @thatsonehellofabird @roadimusprime
@a-shade-of-blue @ramshackledtrickster @C-u-ckoo-4-40k @galacticmermaid @heydreamchild
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I miss music videos and discovering obscure songs through them every day
#we're not talking about those tiktok edits were everything has 15 layers of filters and they're like 15 seconds long#and manage to repeat the same footage over and over again anyway#that wasn't even too long ago but that one person that managed to turn folklore into my favorite ts album#by making me appreciated this is me trying by making a music video for thirteen reasons why of all things#now people share playlists.... instead of making me see with my own two eyes how the song fits the characters#or their relationship#the thing is i trust basically no ones music taste#i found a single capri playlist that I'd listen to#i just wish they were still a thing#but constant copyright claims suck ass and heavily editing the song just so it's not taken down usually doesn't do it any favors#basically i just miss the old internet#where it was still a bit of a lawless land#but at least i didn't have to read sentences like 'he's a pdf file'#this is probably the most boomer sounding take but i stand by it
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Daughter of the Void (Pt. 5)
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“Alright! Does everyone have supplies?” Nocturna watched as Cori and Nyx secured their packs to the horses they'd borrowed from the stables.
“Aye Aye captain!” Nyx replied, in an incredibly poor imitation of a Pirate's accent.
“I've got armor- a bow and arrows- replacement armor- some gold- food- and water- is that everything?” Cori asked hesitantly.
“Sounds perfect,” Nocturna replied, mounting her own horse.
Cori decided it was best to follow the two girls ahead of her, she'd never exactly been far from Marris Stead, so of course she wasn't sure where it was they were headed.
Elwyn Forest was a beautiful place, with trees sprawled over expansive lakes and rivers, and vast mountains all across the place.
It was in high contrast with what she saw when they entered Westfall. Westfall was a barren place, covered in dead grass and giving off an air of disappointment that suggested it probably wasn't the ideal situation for most.
But nothing made the atmosphere more stifling than the scene that awaited the trio at the gates.
Two dead human bodies lay sprawled in front of a cart, the cart itself lay in a crumbled heap atop the mangled remains of what Cori believed to be a horse, though she wasn't quite sure with the state of the poor thing.
“Well- it looks like they really put the cart. . . Before the horse-” said a man, standing beside the crime scene and hovering over another man who was knelt in front of the human bodies.
“Are you Lieutenant Horacio Laine?” Nocturna said, dismounting her own horse, which gave a worried huff of disagreement at the sight of the crime scene, clearly thinking it might be next on the menu if it weren't already dead.
“That would be me, what can I do for you? You here about the Help Wanted signs?” The lieutenant asked.
“Yes, I assume this is the murder you posted about?” Nocturna responded, glancing down at the corpses.
“That would be the correct assumption- yes- I need you to go ask those- those ruffians if they saw anything suspicious- anything that might lead to a clue about what happened to the Furlbrow's,” said the Lieutenant, Cori gave a quick glance to the people chattering about in the nearby wheat field- they didn't seem like ruffians. . .
“Alright- let's split up then shall we? See what kind of clues we can get,” suggested Nyx, already making her way toward a young woman dressed in soot-colored clothing, who was engaged in an argument with a man dressed in threadbare rags.
Cori made her way over toward a gentler looking woman, one with blonde hair that had bits of wheat sticking out of it.
“Uhm- here- I think you should take this- you look like you need it more than me-” she took some cloth and a few silver and gold pieces out of her satchel, handing it over to the woman, who immediately went to use the cloth on her face.
“Thank you- kind miss- is there anything you need?” The woman asked.
“We're uhm- we're- investigating a murder- sorry- if you have any information we could really use the help-” Cori said, she felt strange, almost out of her depth with the situation.
The woman's face turned sour “well- if you want my take, it starts back with an old feud between the King and people like us, now don't get me wrong, I don't think murder was the right solution- but sometimes tensions just get very high. . . I'd watch your own back if I were you miss, if the wrong people find out what kind of a pretty penny you've got stashed in that bag of yours, you could be in real danger,” she said, before standing up and walking over to a group of rough-looking children, huddled in the corner of the field.
Cori met back up with her companions to share what she had learned, a strange feeling settling in her stomach.
“So I've got one guy saying its gnolls- and another one that'd insistent on Murlocs,” said Nyx.
“One of them says she saw some men in red bandanas leaving the house in the middle of the night,” Nocturna added.
“That makes sense- the girl I spoke to said there's been a lot of bandit problems- a lot of people upset- with- upset with the king- I guess-” Cori finished.
“Upset with the king? Such ridiculous accusations- it must have been the gnolls and murlocs then.” The lieutenant said, letting our a boisterous laugh that drew some scowls from the people still milling about the field.
“yknow, I think bandits might actually make more sense- but you keep at it!” Nocturna said, flashing the lieutenant a quick smile before ushering the girls back over to the horses.
“Ok- so this guy seems like a total bootlicker, which means he probably won't hear anything about the Defias Brotherhood potentially being back- even if it's just a fringe operation.” said Nyx.
“The Defia- what?” Cori tilted her head.
“Oh right- you probably wouldn't know about that-” Nyx turned to her and began to explain. The Delia's had once been a workforce known as the Stonemasons, and they were really upset with Stormwind for screwing them over, Nyx mentioned something or other about a black dragon and manipulations and the death of the former queen and some such things, but Cori wasn't entirely sure about all that. I mean, what could dragons possibly want with Stormwind? According to Finley they just wanted to be left alone, they were generally peaceful if you didn't try to upset them. . .
“Well either way- we need to find someone who has real information- and the ability to form half a thought about something that may slightly upset the king,” said Nocturna.
“Is the king really- that bad?” Cori asked quietly.
“Well- he let us in and gave us pardons for the atrocities we were forced to commit under the Lich King's control- I think a lot of the bad blood between Westfall and Stormwind comes from deep-seated grudges manufactured by a very powerful woman,” Nyx shrugged, heading toward the pumpkin patch that the Lieutenant had recommended them to.
They'd only gotten a few feet or so away from the pumpkin patch when something shot out in front of their path, spooking the horses.
Upon closer inspection, Cori saw a rather small wolf, with matted golden fur, hackles raised and teeth bared in an expression of displeasure.
Cori dismounted, dropping to the ground in a low crouch and fishing some meat out of the refrigerated pack they'd brought.
“Hey- hey it’s ok. . . Gave you quite a spook there didn't we, pup?” She said soothingly, setting the meat down a short ways away from where she was crouched, watching the wolf to see what it might do.
It stood there, eyes flitting between her and the meat, before it finally approached, taking another cautious sniff of its meal before digging in. Cori raised a cautious hand to place on its furry head, the wolf didn't react, other than to shake itself off slightly.
“See? Much better isn't it?” Cori said as the wolf finished up its meal. It stared at her for a good long while, before plopping itself down and resting its head on her lap.
“I think you just made a friend,” Nyx said with a laugh.
“Well- if that's the case, I should give you a name shouldn't I?” Cori said, scratching the canine behind its fuzzy ears.
“How about. . .” She thought back to the books her mother and father had read to her when she wasn't training, and one in particular stood out to her, “Apollo,” she smiled, the wolf let out a loud bark.
“Well Apollo, you see that pumpkin patch over there? We need to go investigate it ok?” Cori said, nudging Apollo to move off of her so she could get back on her horse.Apollo made a dissatisfied grunting sound, but moved nonetheless to stand by the other horses.
They approached the pumpkin patch, yet again greeted with the sight of various displaced and ragged-looking citizens, Cori felt her stomach twist ever further- how could anyone let this happen to so many people?. . .
Nocturna approached a man standing on a box and began asking him questions. “Two-Shoed Lou”, his name was.
They decided to split up, Nyx looking to eavesdrop on some nearby thugs, Nocturna questioning a few of the people around the pumpkin patch, and Cori would handle the business in the cave.
She found kobolds much easier to deal with when she had Apollo around, and he seemed to be having fun with the activities as well.
As they made their way to the back of the cave Cori found a suitable place to hide, tucking Apollo under one arm, his soft, warm fur brushing against her.
The two of them waited for a short while, before a massive hulking creature approached, an ogre, she figured. The ogre looked around suspiciously, before it was startled by the approach of a second figure, this one much smaller, almost Cori's height, draped in black robes and an almost shadow-like guise.
“What little humie want? Why you call Glubtok?” The ogre bellowed.
“Sad. . . Is this the life you had hoped for Glubtok? Running two-bit extortion operations out of a cave?” Said the human, her voice sounded young, but confident.
“Glubtok crush you!!!!” The orge roared, Cori had to concentrate to keep herself from flinching, lest it reveal her location.
“Oh will you? Do you dare cross that line and risk your life? There's always option two. . .” said the girl.
“What option two?” Said the orge.
“You join me, and I shower wealth and power upon you,”
“So- Glubtok have two choices? Die or be rich and powerful? Glubtok take choice two.”
“I thought you'd see it my way, I'll call upon you when the dawning is upon us,” the girl said, walking away. Cori waited for the ogre to follow suit and get sufficiently out of earshot, eyesight, and any potentially smelling the thing might be able to do.
“Alright- whatever we got?” Nyx asked, perched on top of a hay nest and resting against a gryphon, which seemed a little irritated at having to share its living space with her for the moment.
“The people around here are no help- none of them even saw who killed Lou.” Nocturna muttered, gesturing to the vacant corpse that lay sprawled out behind them.
“There's some ‘her’ that the thugs seem really excited about, only one of them has seen her apparently,” Nyx said, Cori perked up at this.
“I saw a shadowy figure talking to an ogre in the caves- recruiting it for something, she sounded around my age though- not sure if that would help anything-” Cori said, the three of them looked between each other for a moment, before Nocturna stood up and made her way over to their nearby horses tied to some fence posts.
“We need to get to Sentinel Hill- if there's some kind of uprising happening, it'll have to go there first- it's got the highest concentration of Stormwind guards, and if this uprising is lead by the group I think it is- they don't have a high opinion of that occupation.” Nocturna said, mounting her horse.
“Can we stop by the farm first? I overheard they might have some ingredients for something that might- ease the troubles for the citizens a bit. . .” Cori said, speaking quietly.
“You want to-” Nocturna sighed, a small smile crossing her face “- alright, we'll make a quick stop- I think I know what you're referring too, Westfall stew shouldn't take up too much of the trip,”
And it hadn't, necessarily, were it not for the brief detour of handling the Saldean's issue with their harvesters. Cori was thankful for the trip, though, because she'd also learned that the Saldean's had a daughter, Hope, who was around her age, which was more of a clue than they may have realized.
As they approached Sentinel Hill Cori was hit with the overwhelming smell of. . . feces. That was definitely feces. Charming.
“We're here on official business, let us through, Nocturna said, ignoring the shouts of the homeless citizens behind her.
Cori, on the other hand, decided to dismount and unpack the stews she'd stored away in a separate container. As Nyx and Nocturna made their way into Sentinel Hill, Cori began passing out as much stew as she had available. Her heart shattered at the looks on the faces of those she managed to feed, but eventually she had to head back toward Sentinel Hill.
“Cori- I have a specific assignment for you- in Moonbrook, there's supposed to be a rally there, and I think you might be able to get more information than the two of us could,” Nocturna said, Cori merely nodded, walking back over to her horse. She gave a low whistle, and Apollo came bounding toward her feet.
Moonbrook was potentially the most run down area of them all, the buildings were falling apart, and thugs roamed the streets- near unchecked, despite the camp of knights not to far from the town.
“Ah! You must be the adventurer they sent us,” said a human man nearby.
“That would be me- yes-” Cori responded.
“Great- well- I need you to do a few things really, first of all- there's tons of Defias propaganda scattered around, I need you to get rid of it- and while you're at it, take care of some of those thugs would you? There's going to be a meeting in the square- the less people who can listen to this rabble the better.” the man spoke quickly and viciously, like the words tasted of bile in his mouth. Cori just nodded, the instructions jumbling together in her head. The only thing she could really make out being Defias.
But she did as told, ripping apart the propaganda she found, though she only took out thugs if they'd attacked her first, or if she saw them terrorizing any of the innocent people she saw wandering the streets.
It was then that she noticed a familiar shadowy figure, climbing up to the top of a hay barrel.
“Citizens of Stormwind!” She called- her voice sounded more familiar now, in a strange sort of way, but that couldn't be right. . . Could it?
Cori listened as she went on about the tyrannical king, about the disparity of wealth between the elite and their citizens, about war efforts and costs. She didn't exactly see why it was such a problem, that they were discontent, they seemed to have valid reasons after all. Their methods were maybe a little more violent than she'd expected. . .
Nonetheless, she went back to her employers with what she'd discovered, and they pointed her toward a strange looking man with tentacles sprouting from his face. A draenei, she would learn shortly.
The draenei told her to investigate the nearby Deadmines, in the hopes that it would enlighten them on the identity of the mysterious figure.
The Deadmines, in Cori's opinion, were anything but dead, the forgotten people of Stormwind made their homes here, sharing stories, picking at the ores with whatever tools they could find, in the vain hope that perhaps they'd strike something to change their circumstances. She then came upon a strange cave entrance, likely the hideout.
Cori took out the incense burner she'd been instructed to use, and watched as the world shifted around her. It wasn't like her own visions, it was more peaceful, happier even. But she doubted that would last long.
Soon she was on a pirate ship, watching as a group of adventurers only slightly larger than her own engaged in a battle with a gruff looking man, who wore a red bandana around his neck, which covered the bottom half of his face. This must have been the Edwin Vancleef she'd heard about.
She watched, unable to move or speak, as the party slayed the man where he stood, reveling in the death as they ripped their bounty from his corpse. As the adventurers fled, a small figure approached, a little girl, with black hair tied in two little braids over her shoulders, a red bandanas tied around her neck, wearing a little brown dress that looked handmade.
“Papa?. . .” The girl began to cry at the sight of her father's corpse, Cori's mind flashed back to the moment she'd watched her own father be felled by an undead onslaught, all those eons ago, and she felt a tear slip through her eyes.
She went back yet again with the information she'd learned, taking care to drop off some of the gold she'd earned while adventuring with the citizens still trapped in the Deadmines.
The surprise she was met with upon revealing that the murdered leader of the Defias had had a daughter was anything but reassuring. She felt almost disgusted that anyone could possibly let something like this happen, and not even bother to stick around long enough to evaluate any remaining parts of the situation. Apollo rested at her feet, muzzle rubbing against her calves, as if attempting to reassure her of something.
Sentinel Hill was in chaos by the time she'd gotten back, it seemed, evidently, that this new revelation had come to little too late. Vanessa VanCleef stood tall, black hair now much shorter, resting on her pauldrons, a red bandana tied around her face, the spitting image of her father. But Cori could see it in her eyes, she was scared, how could she not be? She was only thirteen, if the visions Cori had seen were anything to go off of. She was a child, fighting a grown-ups war.
“Leave nothing but ashes in your wake brothers! Burn Sentinel Hill to the ground!” Vanessa called out, she turned to leave, and only then did she notice Cori near the gryphon roost.
Noether of them made a move for a short while, until Cori finally spoke.
“I'm sorry. . . I'm sorry this is what you felt was necessary, to seek justice- I- I gave gold- to as many people as I could- it- it doesn't sit right, how they live out here. . .” She said quietly, Vanessa searched her expression, bewilderment evident in her eyes.
“We are more alike than you might care to admit, elf,” Vanessa said, before vanishing into thin air. Cori felt something nudge at her side, and noticed a note appearing in her pocket.
The ride back to Stormwind to warn the king was a silent, somber one.
“You've got much to big of a heart for that body of yours, Cori,” Nyx said as they left from warning the king. Cori had turned over all the gold she'd been given, telling him to redistribute it to the citizens of Westfall, in an effort to rebuild the region, much better than before.
King Varian Wrynn, despite the seemingly terrifying stories the homeless of Westfall had been telling about him, seemed to be an understanding man. Though perhaps it was due to the influence of his young son, Anduin.
“We should take a break now- no use going out on another adventure so soon- I'm exhausted,” said Nyx, Nocturna nodded.
“We'll meet up with you again, when we've had enough time to collect ourselves,” said Nocturna. She and Nyx turned, Nocturna holding out a hand, a strange sort of gate appeared in front of her, a skull sitting at the top of it, and a black outline fitting itself around a swirling green black and purple vortex. Cori watched as they disappeared into it, the Portal shutting behind them.
“And where exactly have you been, my dear?” Said a voice from behind her, cold, much colder than she had remembered it sounding.
#cori writes#the fantasy files#oc: cori voidchaser#oc: nyx venomfang#oc: nocturna deadblade#oc: finley dram#vanessa vancleef#tw arson#tw homelessness#tw class disparity#tw murder#tw animal death#i would like to clarify Vanessa is wearing like. decent shorts also#im not putting a thirteen year old in that outfit
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Tags by @meitantei-shitpost and @birdmenmanga
#tbh kids just say shit like that #I wish we had more suspicion about conan on kobayashi-sensei’s part #someone who works with kids and is familiar with them would probably notice he’s a little bit odd #maybe she would recommend the mouris consider getting him screened for autism or something
#<- prev I'm so obsessed with this. could you imagine. #conan: NO I DON'T have auti-- hey hold on a moment. if I get diagnosed with autism it could throw everyone off my scent!! #because SHINICHI isn't autistic! I'm a genius!!! <- Shinichi is autistic.
Ran, afterwards, wanting to be educated, reading a pamphlet on autism internet discussion on autistic experiences:
"This explains so much about Shinichi... oh wait hold on, a bit suspicious that they're both autistic and have the exact same special interests and stims on top of everything else 🤔"
this page is so funny to me,, imagine being kobayashi sensei in this scenario 😭😭
#no but for real when I started reading Conan at like thirteen I didn't really even know what autism was#but it was one of the earliest (accidental?) examples of representation that I recognised#specifically the scene in File 3 where Conan is stimming by kicking a soccer ball while thinking about the case#and Ran points out that it's something Shinichi does a lot#(and then Conan gets so lost in thought that he unthinkingly kicks the ball at Kogoro)#I didn't even know what stimming was back then but I Recognised(TM) the rep!!!#autism#conan#kobayashi sensei#ayumi#ran#secret identity#identity shenanigans#stealth what stealth#shinichi#task failed successfully
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The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings review
The day has finally come. Many, understandably, thought we'd never get here. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten here. We've been through so much. Lawsuits, reboots, redesigns, unreleased NFTs, empty legal threats over the fact that movie Knuckles has a dad, an attempt to license out Scourge the Hedgehog to fans that immediately got canceled (in both meanings of the term), and many, MANY idiotic Twitter controversies. But now, here we are.
Thirteen years after first announcing it in the middle of his legal battles with Archie and Sega that changed the American Sonic comics forever, former writer Ken Penders has released the first part of his new series: The Lara-Su Chronicles.
Yes. I had to buy the book. I had to take one for the team. Look at the fucking URL of this blog, a blog I've been using to talk about the American Sonic comics for nearly a decade while the specter of this book loomed in the distance. The one time I've actually been paid to write an article about anything in any professional capacity, it was an article about the Penders lawsuits. I'm cited on his Wikipedia page. There was no way I was going to skip reviewing this, and there was no guarantee that scans would ever turn up online given the incredibly small audience for this trash. (Only 166 people preordered this, and even that number feels way higher than it should be.) No, I had to preorder it to ensure I could get a copy and cover it for the blog... even if that meant my name would be forever immortalized in the list of "supporters" in the back of the book. These are the sacrifices I must make as a woman who stumbled ass backwards into being an amateur Archie Sonic historian.
So, what exactly is in this book? How much of it is new? How bad is it? How did we even get here in the first place? How can this exist without Sega pursuing legal action? What happens next? And, most importantly... why are there multiple depictions of an Archie Sonic character breastfeeding in this book?
I'm here to answer those questions as best I can, and in agonizing detail.
First, for those just tuning in to this decades-long saga or those who maybe don't know the full story, here's a refresher on the background info.
"What the hell is this?"
The Lara-Su Chronicles is Ken Penders' long-dreaded long-awaited continuation of his 1994-2006 run on Archie Sonic, ignoring everything written after he left by other writers like Ian Flynn. In particular, it picks up from the cliffhanger ending of the 2003-2004 arc "Mobius: 25 Years Later," which was set in what Ken considers the definitive canonical future of the series. It stars Knuckles' daughter from that future era, Lara-Su, among other new and returning characters. The project was first announced near the start of Ken's legal battle with Archie in 2011, and he's been posting WIP previews online for about a decade. Now, after all this time, a Lara-Su Chronicles book finally exists.
We'll get to the actual contents of that book in a bit.
"He can do that without getting in trouble with Sega?"
Believe it or not, yes, he can.
Thanks to the outcome of Archie Comics' woefully mismanaged lawsuits against Ken (yes, they sued him after he started filing for copyrights, not the other way around), he now has full legal ownership of every story he wrote for Archie Sonic and every character he created for the series. This was explicitly granted to him in the terms of the settlement between him and Archie (acting on behalf of Sega). He can even reprint his old Sonic material as-is to his heart's content. The main catch is just that he can't write new stories featuring Sega characters or trademarks, and his new stories also have to be distinct from Sonic at a glance to avoid confusing readers. As such, reprints can't use Sonic iconography on the cover, a few Sega characters (mainly Knuckles) have been renamed and slightly redesigned in the new stories, and the art style has been changed to less closely resemble Sonic. But otherwise, he can do whatever he wants with his own characters.
All of this is because Archie lost the original copy of Ken's work-for-hire contract that signed over the rights to his work. Without that (or any alternative that was considered permissible in court), his comics and characters are the property of their creator by default. Yes, those old comics are full of Sega stuff, but Sega doesn't automatically own the copyright for every drawing of Sonic in existence. And Sega put their stamp of approval all over those comics and let them get sold at retail for decades, even though (in the eyes of the court) there was no legal paperwork granting them ownership of any of it. It's almost like they were unwittingly distributing a fan comic for years and declaring it a fair use of their property, and now there's no takesies backsies. It's a strange and unique copyright situation. Again, they worked all this out in the settlement. And, yes, fans have long speculated that Ken stole and destroyed his own contract to regain the rights to his work, but frankly Archie was so incompetent throughout the lawsuit (it went so bad that they had to fire and replace their lawyers midway through) that I completely buy the idea of them just losing important legal documents.
Also, in case it needs to be spelled out: while Ken's a weirdo, it's ultimately a good thing for creatives everywhere that Archie lost their lawsuit against Ken. We do not want to live in a world where corporations can claim ownership of peoples' work without the contracts to back it up. That would be an incredibly dangerous legal precedent to set. And more comic creators, and artists in general, should own their own work! Corporations are not your friend! They'll delete your work for a tax write-off in a heartbeat! It's just bewildering that this guy, of all people, was the creator who ended up successfully getting his shit back, and that this is what he's doing with it.
"What about his old collaborators? Are they involved? Is he paying them?"
Ken is mostly doing The Lara-Su Chronicles solo, though he has, in fact, talked about compensating the artists involved in any material he's reprinting. The ones who give enough of a shit to get paid for a small scale reprint of something they did 20 years ago, anyway.
On the subject of his collaborators, it's also worth pointing out that Ken's wasn't the only contract that was lost. Most of the early Archie Sonic writers from before Ian Flynn's time seem to be in the same boat as Ken, with the ownership of their stories and characters defaulting back to them. Again, Archie fucked up big time. But like I said, most of them don't really seem to give a shit. For most of them, Sonic was just a random temporary gig they took to pay the bills while Marvel was busy going bankrupt in the '90s, not the thing that defined their entire careers.
The only other Archie Sonic contributor who's tried to do anything on the level of what Ken is doing was writer and editor Scott Fulop. In 2016 he attempted to sue Archie for the unauthorized use of what are now retroactively considered his copyrighted characters and stories, and he even announced a standalone comic about his most famous Sonic character, the recurring villain Mammoth Mogul (sort of a pastiche of DC's Vandal Savage and Marvel's Kingpin, with wizard powers added for spice). However, Fulop lost his lawsuit because he didn't put together a particularly compelling case. Since then he seems to have wiped all traces of his ill-advised Mammoth Mogul comic and his company, Narrative Ark Entertainment, from the internet. For now, this leaves The Lara-Su Chronicles the only project of its kind.
"What about those other Archie Sonic reprints he just announced?"
At the time of writing, Ken is once again claiming that he's trying to get the band back together to reprint all of Archie Sonic, now under the bad new banner "Floating Island Productions: MOBIAN LINE" that I can't imagine he consulted literally anyone else on.
So, like, look. As we've established, Ken can reprint his own stories. And if he can work something out with the other contributors whose contracts were lost, he can print their work, too. But there is no fucking way he's getting his hands on Ian Flynn's run, which Sega undoubtedly holds the copyright for. Even if they don't, Ian needs to maintain a good working relationship with both Sega and IDW if he's to keep his job, so he'd never go for this. Not to mention that Ian and Ken just... don't get along! Ken's whole plan here seems to be predicated on IDW going out of business (a thing he REALLY wants to happen) and freeing up the Sonic comic license, after which he knocks on Sega's door and goes "hey I've still got dirt on you guys," blackmailing them into giving him the Sonic license back so that he can reprint the later comics. Every step of this plan is ludicrous. It's never gonna happen.
He's been saying he wants to reprint the whole series for a few years now, though. This isn't really anything new. And despite his lofty plans that set Sonic Twitter ablaze, he quickly backpedaled. The only specific things in the works right now are a "two-volume omnibus" of all of his Knuckles stories and a collection of artist Scott Shaw's work on the very early Archie Sonic issues, since they're on good terms with each other. I have no idea how Ken plans on packaging these when he can't put any Sega characters or the Freedom Fighters on the covers, but these projects are small enough in scale that there's a decent chance they'll see the light of day. Scott Shaw only did like five issues. But anything beyond that? I'll believe it when I see it.
Or, y'know, this could've all just been a publicity stunt for his new book. I wouldn't put it past him. Let's just focus on the book that actually exists.
"So he finally did it? He made a whole Lara-Su book? It's out? He finished it??"
Yes and no.
The book that's out now is The Lara-Su Chronicles: Beginnings, a prologue for the series of seven graphic novels Ken somehow plans on making, even though it's taken him 13 years to put out literally anything new. I don't know whether or not this counts as book one of seven, because it only features 30 pages of new comics. 30.5 if I'm being generous.
Most of the book is actually just a reprint of his infamous Archie Sonic storyline "Mobius: 25 Years Later", which ran from issue #131 to #144 in 2003-2004. (Again, yes, he can reprint this, he just can't put Sonic on the cover.) Why's it infamous? Well, Ken had been building anticipation for this future era of the series for basically his entire run. We kept seeing King Sonic and Queen Sally from the future. Knuckles' entire backstory hinges on his dad having a vision of this future. Several years before Silver the Hedgehog was created, it was Lara-Su who was Sonic's equivalent to Future Trunks, the cool-looking child of one of the main characters who traveled back in time to try and prevent a dark future. Believe it or not, yes, there was hype for Lara-Su. And then we finally got M25YL, and none of that cool stuff happened. Instead it really ended up being about how unbearably boring the middle aged Sonic, Knuckles, Sally, and co. are in this peaceful future where Robotnik is dead and they're all married with kids, forced into traditional nuclear family gender roles. Lara-Su is present, but she mostly just does generic teen girl stuff and complains about how Knuckles won't let her do anything even though she REALLY wants to be the new Guardian of Angel Island, like, super bad! Come on, dad!!!
In its original printing, this meandering arc ended on an abrupt time travel cliffhanger that Ken was never able to follow up on before he left Archie in 2006. This new printing slightly changes that ending, using the unresolved timey-wimey shenanigans as a convenient excuse to alter the entire timeline. This creates the slightly different world of The Lara-Su Chronicles, where the few relevant Sega-owned characters have been replaced and everyone is ten times uglier.
After this, we finally get two short new stories picking up where M25YL left off: "The Storm," starring Acorn Kingdom super-spy and known creep Geoffrey St. John, and an early release of the first chapter of The Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows, the first full TLSC graphic novel.
And now that we're all on the same page about what we're looking at, let's actually talk about the book!
The cover
Let's start by beating a dead horse. The cover art: it's still bad! But why is it bad?
The cover is, of course, based on Patrick Spaziante's cover from Archie Sonic #131, the start of the "Mobius: 25 Years Later" arc. (Ken did the layout for that cover, though, so in the eyes of the law he's the original creator who owns that cover.) That cover was, itself, a tribute to the iconic cover of Giant-Size X-Men #1 by Gil Kane and Dave Cockrum, the issue that introduced the version of the team with Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, etc.
Ken seems to have forgotten that the point of both these covers was to hype up the arrival of a new cast of characters. The new guys are supposed to make a dramatic entrance front and center. That's the focal point. Meanwhile, the cover for Beginnings has the old timeline versions of the cast from Archie Sonic dramatically bursting out of a shattered crystal ball, while their new counterparts look on in mild bemusement - if they're even bothering to look at all, since most of the characters here are just copied and pasted from their profile pages. That's just not how you do this particular homage! The point is supposed to be "out with the old, in with the new." And why are they using a crystal ball to view the past? Hell, why are they even using a crystal ball at all? The original arc was presented as a magical vision of the future courtesy of Tails' uncle Merlin (don't ask), but the new story leans all the way into being futuristic sci-fi.
Of course, there is no real artistic intent at play here. The old versions of the characters are placed front and center in the crystal ball simply because Ken traced over Spaziante's original art of Lara-Su and Julie-Su (the only two characters on the Sonic cover he owns) and threw out the rest, ruining the composition in the process. Look at the awkward empty space where Sonic, Sally, and Rotor once were, and the new drawing of The Character Formerly Known As Knuckles who's no longer properly centered between his wife and daughter. Even if Ken can claim ownership of the cover because he did the original layout, this all just feels scummy and lame.
And, yeah, if it needs to be said, the new characters and Ken's new rendering style look like absolute fucking dogshit. Putting new Lara-Su directly next to old Lara-Su does her no favors. The shattered glass effect looks absolutely atrocious. I could go on, but we'll have plenty of time to talk about the art style when we see how bad the stories inside look.
Changes to "Mobius: 25 Years Later"
Overall, 99% of M25YL is presented identically to its original printing. Sonic, Sally, Knuckles, et al. are still present with no changes to their names and no tweaks to the art. Even the original cover for issue #131 is included only a few pages into this book with its Archie, Sonic, and Sega logos still intact and everything. Again, because of the weird copyright situation described above, these preexisting comics can be released without any changes.
There is exactly one bizarre change to the art, though, where a hand drawn shot of Angel Island is replaced with an unfitting photo background and the ugly Floating Island photobash that Ken has been using as his personal logo for decades. I think he only did this as part of a test for his motion comic app that nobody asked for. I don't know why this had to make it into the print version. It's like the book is firing a warning shot for what's to come if you keep reading.
The new content begins on the final page of M25YL. In the original wet fart of a cliffhanger ending, Sonic and co. accidentally alter the timeline with an old time machine of Robotnik's and Lara-Su begins to fade away. Then, after everything goes white, we just cut to the present day heroes going "gee, you ever think about the future?" In this new printing, that last bit has been cut, and the rest of the page has been awkwardly shrunk down so that Ken can fit in a new panel. We now see the hands of an off-screen villain, seemingly named "Override," proclaiming that "the Praetorian" (Knuckles) has messed up the timeline again and that they'll finally get their revenge.
Who is this Override? I have no fucking clue. The new stories in this book make no mention of them. You have to buy the next book to find out.
My confusion over the identity of this villain overlaps with another big problem: name changes. So many names and nouns have been arbitrarily changed in The Lara-Su Chronicles, even ones Ken didn't have to change for copyright reasons, and I only know what half of them are replacing because Ken's been tweeting about this shit for years.
The echidnas are now a totally original alien race called "the Echyd'nya." Even in flashbacks to events from M25YL attempting to mimic the old art style, if it's on a new comic page, they're gonna call themselves "Echyd'nya." Evil echidna faction the Dark Legion is now the "Cyberdark Dominion," hailing from the "Cyberdark Colony." The Brotherhood of Guardians is still the Brotherhood of Guardians, but now the main guardian is called "The Praetorian." Angel Island is still called "The Floating Island," like it was in the older Archie comics, but it's ALSO sometimes called "Avion"? When I read this I wasn't sure if he had randomly renamed Albion, the other echidna city from the Archie comics. But no. Now we have an Albion AND an Avion. Sally is mentioned simply as "Princess Acorn," while Sonic is referenced once as an unnamed "blue-spined Erinaceinae," using the scientific name for hedgehog to make it sound more sci-fi. In an incredibly ballsy move, Ken even mentions Robotnik as "the Insurrectionist Kintobor," retaining his original surname from the Archie comics that's just "Robotnik" backwards. Guess Sega never trademarked that one.
Aside from every name change being a downgrade, this leads to confusion when you're not sure if something is supposed to be new, or if it's just an Archie thing you're supposed to recognize despite having a new name and design. Is "Override" someone I'm supposed to know already? Am I just supposed to have read a fucking tweet from Ken where he said he changed the name of some existing villain to "Override"? The answer is no, but I had to term search his Twitter just to verify this.
Moving on!
New story #1: "The Storm"
If you've been following the WIPs, this is that story about Geoffrey St. John that Ken's been posting previews of for almost a decade. The title page copyright dates it to 2015, and that absurdly long gestation is probably why the art is so inconsistent here. Even the style of speech bubbles and the font change between pages two and three.
This is a problem when there's supposed to be a deliberate and noticeable change in art style here signaling the moment where the time travel stuff alters the timeline, replacing the Archie Sonic world with the Lara-Su Chronicles world. If you don't already know that's what's going on, the idea isn't conveyed clearly at all. It just goes from one hideous art style to a slightly different one with no explanation.
The main problem here is that Ken has hitched his wagon to a franchise about anthropomorphic animals when he can't draw furries to save his life. (Though a bit later in the book we'll also begin to wonder if he can even still draw humans.) He's shifted away from the cartooniness of the original designs and given them more human proportions and facial features, but this just ends up making them look incredibly uncanny and lumpy and gross. With some designs he's trying to lean into more of a Star Trek alien vibe, but then he still insists upon retaining the giant Sonic eyes on most characters even though he has no idea how to make them emote.
The rendering of these godawful designs doesn't do them any favors, either. Ken's going for more of a painterly look now, but it almost seems as though he's shading everything with Photoshop's burn and dodge tools that are designed to darken and lighten select areas of a photo. The result is a muddy, smudgy look that makes it feel like the color layer has been smeared in vaseline. And it only looks worse after coming off of 14 chapters of M25YL that have way more palatable art.
The backgrounds, too, are a complete mess, a jumble of low res jpeg photo elements (sometimes with extremely noticeable pixelation), stock textures, and smooth digital gradients. There's no real sense of place here, and it gives everything a surreal, dreamlike quality when you can't really tell where anything is supposed to take place. This first story is seemingly set in a high-tech stronghold below Castle Acorn called "the Bunker," but it could just as easily be confused for the bridge of a spaceship. This whole story features characters speaking to each other over floating video displays and hologram projectors from three different locations, but without a hologram effect and without a clear sense of where the characters are it often feels like they're just in the same room as each other. Characters will be in one location on one photo background, and then the camera angle changes and they're in a completely different place, because Ken just uses mismatched photos off of the internet. It's been like 25 years since he first tried using photo backgrounds in the Archie comics and he hasn't gotten any better at it.
When I had my boyfriend read the book to see if it made literally any sense to him (it didn't), Anthony said this: "This is the kind of shit I'd see linked on a Second Life world that hasn't been touched since 2004." I think he really hit the nail on the head. Now, there's actually a contrarian part of me that thinks that might theoretically almost be kind of cool, in sort of a messy counterculture way. I love weird indie shit. I was a Homestuck reader! But this isn't a scrappy mixed media zine, or experimental outsider art from someone just messing around with Photoshop, or a loving throwback to weird old internet art, or even something intentionally bizarre and offputting like Xavier: Renegade Angel or a PilotRedSun video or whatever where the fact that it's weird and ugly is part of the humor. This is supposed to be a sincere sci-fi epic drawing on Star Trek and Jack Kirby comics, made by a guy who's been drawing comics professionally since the '80s. This is supposed to look good. This is supposed to compete with mainstream comics that are on sale right now. He thinks any day now IDW's gonna go out of business and Sega will come crawling back to him so that he can stamp the Sonic logo on shit like this. It just doesn't work.
But, okay. It's ugly. We knew it would be ugly. But that ugliness would be much easier to accept if it was in service of an otherwise genuinely good story. So what about the writing? After all this time, how does Ken choose to kick off this new saga? Well, credit where credit's due. "The Storm" feels like a proper continuation of Ken's writing style from M25YL.
Because it's eleven pages of characters standing around and talking while nothing fucking happens.
Here's the synopsis: A dog woman named Brownie, an ensign in the Royal Secret Service fresh out of training and the only character who's almost cute, walks up to Geoffrey to deliver a report. He's immediately suspicious of her, asking who let her in and if she's a spy for Elias (Sally's brother, if you're new here) or Alicia (Sally's mom). The art style suddenly shifts when the timeline is altered, but the scene continues uninterrupted. Geoffrey points a gun at Brownie when she won't say whose spy she is. Geoffrey is distracted by a call and proceeds to have a conversation via a mix of holograms and video screens with Remington (head of Echidnaopolis security), Spectre (Knuckles' great great great great great grandpa, the one with the helmet who always looks evil), and a new scientist character named Dr. Zephyr/Zephur. (The spelling of this character's name changes multiple times throughout the 11-page story, because I guess nine years wasn't enough time to spellcheck this shit.) They say a bunch of made up technobabble nonsense about how it looks like the timeline was just altered and Knuckles and co. seem to be involved. It's complete drivel that I'm not even going to try to make sense of. Everyone decides to investigate further, and the conversation ends. Brownie tells Geoffrey she's his spy, then walks out and implies she's actually Alicia's spy in her inner monologue.
To be continued!!!
Yes, that's it. It's really just a bunch of technobabble where some characters talk about how it seems like the timeline has been fucked with. That's it. The whole time Geoffrey doesn't even get up out of his damn chair, which he's of course sitting in backwards to show how cool he is. It's just 11 pages of Geoffrey sitting in a chair and talking to people and looking uglier than he's ever looked. Nothing happens. Nine years for this.
I'm also struck by how meaningless all of this is to anyone who hasn't read Archie Sonic. The added context from M25YL may help a little, but "The Storm" focuses on characters who weren't in that arc, and the story does very little to introduce who any of them are. Brownie could've been super useful as an inexperienced point of view character who's only meeting the others for the first time here, but instead she's really just a passive observer who's here as part of some kind of 4D chess game between Geoffrey and Alicia, an off-screen character whose motivations in this era of the story are completely unknown to even returning readers. Who are the good guys and bad guys here? What are the conflicts and the stakes of the story moving forward? What do these characters want? Basic questions like this aren't really answered. I can't imagine a new reader being able to make heads or tails of this. Hell, I can't really imagine a returning reader who hasn't been following the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets about this story making heads or tails of it, either.
...Maybe more will happen in the next story?
New story #2: Shattered Tomorrows preview chapter
After another message from Ken, the story of The Lara-Su Chronicles proper begins with the redesigned Lara-Su walking along a jpeg photograph beach at sunset and crying while thinking about how Knuckles - sorry, his name is K'Nox now - is dead.
Yep! Straight into the dad stuff!
Look, I'm the last person to complain about writers getting super personal and drawing from their own baggage in their writing, but Ken's just no fucking good at it. There's no nuance, nothing interesting to say. He just keeps writing mediocre-to-horrible dads whose misdeeds are always justified by their "good intentions," and then sometimes they die and their kids are like "we may have fought but actually you were the bestest dad ever and I'll miss you forever, I'll never be able to fill your shoes!"
This is the only part of the new material here that feels like it has any heart behind it, because I know how much his complex relationship with his late deadbeat father means to Ken (there's an author's note in this outright saying as much). But the guy died 42 years ago, and it doesn't feel like Ken has had any new thoughts about this part of his life in those four decades. He's just not an introspective or self-aware enough artist to actually mine his personal baggage for anything beyond "father knows best."
Anyway, so then it jumps forward in time(?) and now we're following this human guy who looks like this.
Previously, Ken got a lot of shit for literally just using the likeness of Anthony Mackie for this guy, based on his IMDB profile photo. Ken has thus redesigned the character... and by that I mean I think he looks more like Ernie Hudson now? Ken's clearly just working off of photo references (if not straight up tracing), given his face is the most detailed and realistic-looking thing on any page where he's present.
But you may be wondering: who is this, and why is he here? Well, for one, he's here to run around in front of some low res space photos while making trite references to things like Planet of the Apes and Star Trek. Haha, he makes a joke about red shirts! Original!! But beyond that, Commander Mykhal Taelor (yes, that's really how he chose to spell it) is a human... from Earth! Archie Sonic readers are probably confused, because in those comics Mobius is Earth in the distant post-apocalyptic future. Well, despite being a Planet of the Apes fan, Ken always hated that particular worldbuilding decision from Karl Bollers, always preferring to think of Mobius as a separate alien planet. And now he gets to make that canon in his own stories and throw out Karl's ideas. So Mobius is basically just, like, a Star Trek planet now, with its own alien creatures that sometimes just so happen to look like anthropomorphic Earth animals.
Also, at one point Taelor wonders if the inhabitants of the dead Mobius might have been human, and the alien ally he's talking to over the radio says it's unlikely. "I don't understand why your kind has a problem understanding you're a minority within a minority." Perhaps poor wording for a line said to the only Black character in the story.
Anyway, Commander Taelor here seems to have discovered the uninhabited husk of Mobius after the vague time-space cataclysm everyone was worried about in M25YL has come to pass, and he finds an audio log from Lara-Su that I presume will explain what happened. I guess those are the titular Lara-Su Chronicles. In theory this flash forward establishes some sense of pressing danger, but when the threat to the planet is so unclear and technobabble-y it just kind of lands with a thud.
It doesn't take long before we get back to Lara-Su being sad about her dad. A good little chunk of the chapter is spent with this new timeline's Lara-Su recalling moments in her life, including echoes of the original Lara-Su's memories from M25YL, which feels redundant coming hot off the heels of a straight reprint of that entire arc. And boy, for anyone who read the later Archie Sonic comics, the protagonist having vague memories of the old version of the series from before a lawsuit-related timeline reboot sure does sound familiar, huh?
The art inconsistency somehow becomes even worse in this story, with Ken flip-flopping on whether or not he wants to use outlines, with the no-outline art managing to look even worse by relying entirely on Ken's awful rendering. By this point in the book, readers are also likely to start noticing how often Ken reuses art from previous panels. This is a shortcut that tons of comic artists use, of course. Invincible famously did a joke about this. It's often understandable. But, again... it sure does stand out in a book that took 13 years to make with only 30 pages of new art. Amusingly, Ken even manages to combine his inconsistency and recycling problems by reusing the same art with and without outlines. And, of course, any time Ken tries to draw the Archie era designs it's just... the worst.
And, yes, it's in this dreamlike montage sequence of Lara-Su's life that we get...
The uncomfortable family nudity scene, followed by the dual timeline Julie-Su breastfeeding scene.
Yeah, you might have heard about this one already. If this incredibly eerie presentation of Lara-Su's hazy memories of the two different timelines make it hard to tell what's going on, don't worry. There's another, clearer version later in the book as part of Julie-Su's character profile, because I guess Ken was just so proud of it.
(I censored these myself because I'm not playing Russian roulette with Tumblr's inconsistent nudity rules and risking getting banned lmao)
Like, okay. Is a mother breastfeeding her child really that shocking of a thing to see in a story? No, not at all. But, like... when it's two characters who you previously created for an officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comic for 7-year-olds... and some of those officially licensed Sonic the Hedgehog comics for 7-year-olds are reprinted in the same book... and when it's drawn like this... yeah, it's kind of a shocker.
It just looks so unnatural. Julie-Su is posed very deliberately so that you'll see both of her breasts, and in the new timeline version she's barely even holding Lara-Su so you can really get a good look at her supermodel body, showing zero physical signs that she just gave birth. Most people will immediately jump to this being Ken putting his fetishes in his work (a type of criticism that I'm incredibly tired of - it's 2024, all the cool artists are blatantly putting their fetishes in their work now). And my immediate response is that, no, this is probably just Ken trying to come off as really mature on a surface level, a thing he's been obsessed with since the Archie days. Free from the shackles of writing a licensed children's comic, of course he's going to jump immediately into depicting some nonsexual, artistic nudity to try and prove he's A Real Mature Artist For Grown-Ups who just thinks the human body is beautiful and breastfeeding shouldn't be a taboo etc. etc.
But then, like. You look at some of the other character designs. Like Espio's daughter Salma, who's now this horrifying alien lizard person who's always nude, and her scale pattern puts scales exactly where her nipples should be. Or you look at his comments about the Echyd'nya age of consent. Or you look at how he keeps drawing Lara-Su in this. Like, does the shuttle really need this, like... reverse chaise lounge thing in the cockpit? So that we can keep getting these shots of the 16-year-old Lara-Su lying on her stomach and posing with one of her legs kicked up, her naked ass in plain view?
The vibe isn't great, is what I'm saying!
I'm not going to try to ascribe authorial intent here. I don't know. I'm not a psychic. Given his very blatant reliance on photo references elsewhere in the book, it's entirely possible he just referenced some figure drawing photos that were maybe just a little too sexy. And also, he's an American comic book artist, and a boomer one at that. Those guys tend to draw women a certain way, even when it's not supposed to be sexual. I don't fucking know. It just sucks. I'm not gonna make some hyperbolic statement about how this makes him a literal pedophile who should be in jail, but it is deeply offputting and objectifying.
But if you already knew about the nursing scenes and were hoping there was some other really shocking stuff in there for me to talk about in this review, sorry to disappoint, but nope. That's the only shockingly weird new thing in here. Once again, not a lot happens in this story, and what does happen is pretty boring.
Once we get past the recap stuff and the human guy, the plot developments boil down to this: The timeline was altered at the end of M25YL... but not as much as you might think. In the new timeline, Knuckles ("K'Nox"), Cobar (now looking significantly younger), and Rotor (now a rhino just called "The Emissary") still traveled via shuttle to go find a time machine in the Badlands and fix the time-space continuum, like in the climax of the original arc. This time, though, Sonic wasn't there, and Lara-Su came along without having to stow away. Lara-Su watches the ship while the grown ups go deal with the time machine, and then after a couple panels Not Rotor comes back with Cobar and is like "Hey, Cobar got hurt, we gotta leave. Dunno what happened to your dad." And then they just, like. Presume that Knuckles must have died. Even though we have no idea what happened to him. And then they just fly away. And then Lara-Su is sad that her dad died.
And that's pretty much it!
This is supposed to be a really emotional sequence - it's literally the scene where Lara-Su learns that Knuckles is dead - but instead it comes off as unintentionally funny because of how poorly it's portrayed. Not showing Knuckles' actual disappearance is a huge misstep, for one, making his uncertain fate more confusing and anticlimactic than dramatic. But also, Ken keeps just using the same two drawings of Rotor for two pages, so he doesn't really seem to be emoting at all, and he's in this spacey hazmat suit that honestly just makes him look like fucking Moltar from Space Ghost. So the whole time I'm just reading his dialogue in Moltar's deadpan voice as he's like "I dunno. We did what we could. Anyway, let's leave."
After this, we get a two-page spread previewing the rest of the story from Shattered Tomorrows. It's basically like a trailer in comic form. It has one of the most mystifying layouts I've ever seen in a comic book. I have no idea what order I'm supposed to read this in.
Yeah, I kinda have a feeling this is the full extent of what Ken has drawn for the rest of that book. I'd love to be wrong, but I fear that I'm right.
Bonus material: Data files
These are mostly very dull, recapping a lot of events shared between Ken's Archie run and the new Lara-Su Chronicles timeline. It seems like almost his entire run is still considered canon to the backstory of the new timeline, just with some names changed, and things only really diverge at the climax of M25YL. But I'll share the interesting stuff here.
Lara-Su
The main thing you'll notice in Lara-Su's profile is the massive, unreadable wall of text where Ken felt the need to list the entire Knuckles family tree, split across both pages.
This is literally so long that Lara-Su's personal history has to awkwardly cut off mid-sentence and be continued on the final page of the book, after the rest of the data files.
Also, please note that this list gives Julie-Su's mom's full name as Mari-Su of the House of Atrades. Incredible on all levels.
There's also a reference to the dark timeline Lara-Su was originally supposed to come from. You know, the one where Julie-Su is the leader of a rebel movement fighting against a Knuckles who had gone mad with power? The timeline that would have been way more interesting than the one in M25YL? Here it seems to have been written off as the result of another "timeline disruption." Lara-Su allegedly has vague memories of this timeline, in the same way that she has vague memories of the M25YL timeline.
Geoffrey
Geoffrey's bio mostly recaps events from the Archie comics, which means the Sonic/Sally/Geoffrey love triangle has to be alluded to. His rivalry with Sonic is described like this:
"He would later resurface when Kintobor was transporting his latest hi-tech weapon, the Dynamac-3000. It was during that mission he discovered a rival for the Princess' affections. Whereas the Princess would be one of a line of conquests where St. John was concerned, the blue-spined Erinaceinae who protested doth a bit too much regarding his affections for the Princess for St. John's taste would prove to be a source of great sport and amusement."
Yes. It's gross. Saying that Geoffrey saw Sally as "one of a line of conquests" is gross. Ken writing this and then still treating Geoffrey as the coolest badass ever is gross. The "Princess Acorn" is also first on the list of Geoffrey's "female relationships" elsewhere in his bio, though I suppose how much of a "relationship" they had is left vague. Honestly, at this point the fact that Ken didn't explicitly confirm that Geoffrey took the underage Sally's virginity in the book comes off as a display of restraint. The bar couldn't be any lower, I know.
Remington
His bio is, frankly, shockingly long for such a minor character, though I guess he does get a large portion of the word salad dialogue in "The Storm." There's a lot of stuff here about how the identities of his biological parents are shrouded in mystery, a plot point that fans have long speculated Ken just straight up forgot about in his time at Archie. (Ian confirmed that Kragok from the Dark Legion was Remington's dad, though, so this isn't really much of a mystery.)
Lien-Da
She gets a bio even though she's not present in the two new stories, just so we get to look at her awful new design and compare it to how Steven Butler drew her earlier in the book:
Commander Taelor
We get to see two drawings of him with the same exact Ernie Hudson face side by side! That's fun.
Julie-Su
She gets a list of "known friends," but the only character listed is Knuckles' mom. Poor Julie-Su.
Also, Ken feels the need to reiterate that Knuckles and Julie-Su are still distant cousins. He made a whole new timeline where he can change whatever details he wants, but THAT had to remain canon. Thanks, Ken.
And then after the data files we get the special thanks page, listing everyone who preordered the book and/or bought TLSC merch from Ken.
With my name on the list. Because I had to buy a copy to cover it for the blog.
My name is on the very next page right after the breastfeeding panel in Julie-Su's data file.
Yep. He got me.
Is it at least a well put together book? Like, in terms of manufacturing quality?
Its physical quality is... fine. It's a nice, sturdy hardcover. The print quality seems fine, though mine does have a bit of smudging from some sort of printing error on one page. The pages don't seem like they'll fall out on me. The image quality is crisp. The colors are vibrant. This is a low bar, but this is one of the few places where I'm able to give this book anything resembling praise.
The formatting and graphic design work, on the other hand...
(I didn't crumple those page corners, it came like that.)
For one, the placement and sizes of the M25YL pages is inconsistent, largely due to the fact that the book doesn't actually match the proportions of a comic. A lot of pages aren't properly centered vertically. Some pages go all the way up to the top edge of the paper, while others leave a visible gap of about half a centimeter. Every page has a 1cm gap to its left and right, which is sometimes filled in with a solid color or gradient that doesn't quite match the page it's surrounding. I have to assume Ken didn't have any sort of source files or original artwork to work off of, as those ideally would've had more generous bleed to account for slight shifts in printing. It kind of seems like he just got the highest resolution versions he could find of the digital releases online and printed those. The colors are a dead ringer for the digital versions, which have always looked slightly more saturated and pastel than they did in print.
I can't say this bodes well for his further plans for Archie Sonic reprints - sorry, Mobian Line reprints. If they ever come out, please, for the love of god, do not buy those. I don't care how much you love Archie Sonic, they aren't going to be good reprints. For comparison, IDW's similarly priced hardcover Sonic collections have none of these formatting problems, because they're made by people who know what they're doing with access to the actual source files.
The book also has its fair share of text-focused pages, split between the data files and messages directly from Ken about the history of his career and this project, and these are formatted in the most amateurish way possible. Just massive walls of Arial text over either plain white backgrounds, simple gradients, or faded photos. I've seen school yearbooks with better graphic design. Even ignoring my subjective feelings about the art and stories within, this book does not feel like it's worth $36 USD.
It's frankly shocking how shabby he let this thing look considering it's supposed to be his baby. And doesn't that really sum it all up?
Closing thoughts
Obviously, I did not expect this to be any good. But I'm still left kind of dumbfounded by it.
I think what really strikes me about it is that Ken had a blank check to do whatever he wanted here. He got an opportunity many writers would kill for when he gained complete ownership of his most famous work. He's free from the limitations of a monthly licensed comic book for children, free to make whatever creative decisions he wants without editors or other writers or Sega to worry about, free to completely reinvent the series to his heart's content and finally tell the story of his dreams. And with that opportunity and 13 years of his time, he made... this. A direct continuation of "Mobius: 25 Years Later" that barely changes anything about the characters or world beyond their awful new designs, even though much of the word count is spent rambling about how the timeline has changed. A story that makes zero concessions for new readers, or even returning readers who don't already have the last decade's worth of Ken's tweets explaining his creative decisions burned into their memory. 30 pages where nothing really happens and the story barely moves forward an inch despite the decades-long wait - but maybe something will happen if you buy the next book!
Who is this for? Maybe this really is a project for no one but Ken. Maybe he just really, really wants to finish the story he started, a story that's personal to him due to the family history it evokes, and the number of people who enjoy it or buy it beyond that is irrelevant. I think that many of the best artists are incredibly self-indulgent ones working with that exact mindset, artists whose enthusiasm for their own work jumps off the page or screen. So, if that's the case, then why the fuck isn't he telling the damn story? What's stopping him? Why is he still spinning his wheels? Where is that passion for his own work? Because it sure as hell isn't there on the page. There's a huge part of me that really wishes I could say "Man, what a weirdo, but you do you, Ken. You tell your weird little story." But there's barely any story here. It's like he loves styling himself as a storyteller, but he's terrified of finally having to actually tell a story after all this time. He's still stuck in the exact same mode of writing he was in almost 30 years ago when he was doing 6-page backup stories about Knuckles, just killing time and stringing readers along until he's eventually able to truly realize his vision. If not now, then when, Ken?
Even the back cover blurb is mostly just a dry recap of the history of this thing. It was a Sonic comic, the original arc was published in these issues, it went unfinished, Ken left Archie, the lawsuits happened, now he's continuing the story. There's nothing about why anyone should give a shit about this as its own story, even though Ken has spent years trying in vain to convince people TLSC is its own beast that shouldn't be judged as a Sonic story. I think deep down he knows that there's no pitch for this beyond the novelty of it originating from Sonic. And that's why, despite declaring that he'd leave the site, he's still on Twitter riling up Sonic fans. It's the only attention he gets at this point.
Maybe this is too harsh when those 30 pages of new comics are just intended as a preview for the "real" book. But the elephant in the room is that we have no idea if that "real" book will ever actually come out, let alone the entire series of seven graphic novels that will supposedly complete this saga.
Ken is undeniably a complete jackass and all around unpleasant, vindictive person who's rightly become an industry pariah. He's a self-proclaimed paragon of progressive values who'll send Comicsgaters after his successors for the crime of not worshiping the ground he walks on, and then turn around and announce he's going to reprint their work without even consulting them. He's a sore winner who already won his copyright battle on a level most comic writers would never dare to dream of, and yet still won't truly be satisfied until he sees an entire major comic publisher go out of business, putting god knows how many people out of work, because he thinks this would get him back the license to a video game franchise he doesn't even like.
But I still have to pity him.
As an artist, the trajectory of his life is my nightmare. I think all of us fear dying before we can tell all the stories we want to tell. There's simply never enough time to do everything. And here's Ken in his 60s, talking about how he's still planning on making his magnum opus all by himself out of stubbornness and pride, despite demonstrably proving he can't handle the workload, and also talking about how if he dies before the project can be finished he'll have to pass the torch on to his kids and get them to finish it for him. It's so grim. Even just typing that sends a shiver down my spine. It took nine years of his limited time on Earth to finish and release an 11-page comic about Geoffrey St. John sitting backwards in a chair.
This is a purgatory of his own creation. And yet... I'm not sure he's ever been prouder. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
I guess if I want people to take anything away from this review, it's this:
Lesson one: If you're an artist or writer of some kind, or an aspiring creator, don't wait around. No one else is going to tell your story for you. Start writing that novel. Start drawing that webcomic. Start making that game. If Penders can put out this damn book that no one asked for after 13 years of work, then proudly proclaim that he's still going to make six or seven more books and also reprint hundreds of comics he doesn't have all of the rights to, then show up to cons with that foul Lara-Su Chronicles: Shattered Tomorrows banner and sit in front of it beaming with pride, fully aware of his critics but saying "fuck 'em, I know I'm hot shit," then you can do fucking anything. Tell the weird, sincere, cringe story of your dreams. If Ken Penders doesn't have imposter syndrome, then nobody should.
And lesson two: Don't buy Ken's books.
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Edits - Thirteen.
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'tis the damn season ❀ s. reid x reader
in which christmas is the season to crawl back into your ex's life, and you accidentally do so one drunken night.
pairing: ex!spencer reid x fem!reader genre: flangst tags: still in love exes. alcohol consumption. (sleepy) drunk reader. spencer reid's fear of dementia. word count: 1.3k a/n: obligatory do not contact your exes this holiday season. just fantasise about doing it to spencer reid. it’s opening night for my play so!! here is this while i go off to do that!!! :D
❄︎ advent calendar masterlist
Fourteen missed calls.
Spencer Reid had fourteen missed calls, from a number he did not have saved, but could recognise despite the months that have passed and the seasons that have changed.
Why did he have fourteen missed calls?
Christmas was always an awful time for him. The striking reminder that he was alone in a big city, for his mother does not remember him this year, his father does not exist in his life, and his friends have families of their own.
And then there was you. Oh God, there was you.
He thinks even when he grows old and his brain begins to delete files from his expansive memory, you will stick around forever. He thinks he is physically incapable of forgetting you, even if he tried. Sickeningly so.
Shaking hands answer the sixteenth call before it can ring through, having watched the fifteenth come and go. He was met with a lot of silence, and he had to question if he even had picked up the call.
But yes, you were there. Quietly. Breathing into the phone, perhaps surprised by the fact that he had actually answered. Or maybe this wasn't you. Maybe you had changed your number, or gotten your phone stolen, or—
"Spencer?"
If anything were to pierce the silence in his apartment, it might be the shattering of his heart as he listens to you speak his name for the first time in thirteen months. Your voice was so familiar, yet so different, too. You had thirteen months of growth, and yet you sound the same as you had the day he first met you.
"Hey," he finally breathes out, and he hears you shakily exhale.
"Can you open your door? S'really cold out here."
He freezes. The causality in your tone tells him there's something else motivating your random reappearance in his life, followed closely by the faintest hint of a slur in your words.
Oh.
He heads to his door, and sure enough, on the other side of it, stands you, in something borderline ridiculous for the December weather. No wonder you were freezing.
"What're you—why're you—come in—it's freezing," he stammers out, eventually deciding on stepping to the side to let you into his warmer apartment, the visible relaxation of your shoulders providing some comfort to him in light of your state.
"Your hair," you say, eyes wide as he coaxes you inside and to his kitchen countertop. His fingertips probably burn holes through the fabric of your dress as he guides you.
"My hair," he replies, and though it isn't posed as a question, he is confused.
"It's longer," you clarify for him. "I like it."
He provides a weak smile. "Thank you. Are you cold?"
"Not anymore," you shake your head, finding a seat at his island, folding yourself in half over the edge of it, resting your head on the marble. "Your apartment's warm."
He nods his head, walking around to the other side of it, using his hands to lift your head back up. "Don't fall asleep."
"'m not," you mumble in response, though your head growing heavier and lolling into his left palm claimed otherwise.
"Liar," he muses, and you huff, quietly, but force your eyes open regardless. He ignores the heavy feeling in his chest when the two of you lock eyes. "There she is. Why're you here?"
"I dunno, actually," you say, and his heart sinks. "My friends put me in a taxi an hour ago. Or two hours. I don't really remember," he presumes one hour — you were still so drunk. "And I asked him to drive me around. He said okay, but he needed a final destination too. I guess I gave him your address."
"Why?"
"Habit, maybe," you murmur.
"It's habit to take a taxi back to my apartment?"
You shrug your shoulders. "'Cause I used to. Back when..."
We were still together, hangs off the end of your sentence.
"Christmas party?" he then asks you, and your head nods against his palm.
"For work," you end the word with a yawn. "I wanted to Merry Christmas my way back into your life, I guess."
He knew it was your lowered inhibitions spilling these details out to him, and he should pretend you aren't saying things like this for your own benefit. But he also couldn't stop the visceral reaction he has towards your admission of wanting to reenter his life.
"You shouldn't," he replies.
You pause, searching his face all too intently. "D'you not want me to?"
It's a loaded question, and he knows the response he wants to say is vastly different to the response he should say. But you're staring at him, albeit inebriated, and he has nothing left to do but curse his impeccable memory for reminding him of everything he hasn't had for thirteen months. He misses you.
"I don't want you to do something you regret," he settles on saying.
"Well, 'm already here," you mumble, and his hands soften on your cheeks, before he slips them away.
"Yes. You are," he nods, standing up straighter. "Do you have a way home?"
"Um, Uber, I guess."
"It's too late and you're too drunk for an Uber alone," he disapproves.
"I took a Taxi here alone—"
"—I'm not letting you go home — alone —from my apartment in your state," he counters immediately. "I don't really care how you got here."
You relent quite easily though, murmuring a quiet, "Okay," that shocks him.
"Do you want to shower?"
You nod, your feet slipping from the stool and landing on the floor. He's moving back around to you to help the second he watches your hands brace on the edge of the countertop, an arm looping around your waist that makes your stomach swim.
"I can walk, y'know."
"Uh-huh," he doesn't believe you fully, and you don't have it in you to fight with him as he leads you to an all too familiar bathroom. As he sits you down on his toilet lid, he says, "Stay there. I'll get you some clothes."
"Yes, Doc."
His cheeks puff as he expels a sigh at the nickname, shaking his head as he disappears back into his bedroom.
By the time he's returned, your eyes are fluttered shut, your head sitting probably uncomfortably against the wall next to his toilet. But your chest is moving evenly enough for him to conclude that you had fallen asleep that quickly, and he didn't have the heart to wake you back up. He'll take your frustration in the morning.
You barely stir as he carries you into his room again. Instead, he swears you curl further into his bedsheets the second he places you down on his mattress.
"Spence?"
He's barely two footsteps towards his door when you speak again, and his heart shatters. He turns over his shoulder, and though you're speaking, your eyes are barely cracked open.
"Where're you goin'?"
"The couch," he says, confused by the frown that tugs your lips down. "What?"
"Come back. This is your bed."
"It is," he nods. "But you're in it."
"'m not gonna bite," you say, your hands weakly stretching out towards him.
He takes a few beats to determine whether or not he'd take up your offer. But he is too weak of a man to not give in, and he doesn't know if he'll ever get you in his bed again. So, he sighs, and begrudgingly climbs back into his bed next to you.
"Hey," he turns his head, a question dancing on his tongue. But when he finds you again, you're fast asleep once more. Habitually, as if it hadn't been thirteen months, he brushes the hair that had fallen out of your face, and he smiles.
And, to no one in particular, he murmurs, "I'm glad you Merry Christmas'd your way back into my life."
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