#figured out maybe i just make you uncomfortable

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

HELLO can I ask for sol,hyugo and geo with a mc that is obsessed with it's own appearance, like having a strict diet, body and skin care religiously and wearing uncomfortable clothes like corsets just to be pretty.

Sorry if it's too long, love you writing 🍬💕

ENSNARED

This is the second oldest request I have in my inbox, hope this fulfilled your expectations, Anon! Thank you so much for choosing me to write this for you. <3

TW: There are themes involved with hating your body, as well as depriving it of food, sleep, etc. to feel attractive.

You all have traits that make you worthy. Remember that.

-- Signed solemnly by @biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer AKA Sky Fort(resse)s and Burning Citadels

To commence this: Sol is a very insecure man. He may not appear it, nor act it, but deep in that depraved mind of his - looks are crucial to him. He has standards, of course. He dresses the way he wants, wears whatever makeup he wants, but he still ensures he looks ‘pretty’. Especially for you, he’s willing to ditch all his values and morals for you, just say the word. In short, he understands the urge to appear perfect or have glass skin or to be the most fashionable.

He’s always found you beautiful, to be fair everyone does (they’re not worth your time, he thinks), but you’re ethereal in his eyes. Always was, always will be.

You are by far one of the most fashionable people in all of your classes: your hair is pinned and styled, your clothes scream wealth and expense, your perfumes and cosmetics are a compliment to your features and by God your outfits fit your figure so well. You’re a model, essentially. People state you’ve been stopped on the streets by alleged modelling agencies.

You didn’t trust them enough to accept, however. As you should’ve, this city is dodgy and shady in more ways than Sol has jacked off to you - and that’s a massive achievement tbh.

On the surface, you appear unfazed by the envious looks of passer-bys, confident and composed in your own skin. However - like he knew suspected - as he got to know you, he recognised all the signs, all the subtle cues that indicated just how ‘perfect’ you had to look. How obsessed you were about your appearance, often losing sleep and forcing yourself to avoid food just to feel like you were becoming more ‘beautiful’.

You both should watch The Substance let’s be ffr, that movie perfectly explains what it’s like to be you. (sidenote: the movie’s fine but honestly it went way off the rails halfway through - just my opinion though)

He would often compliment you, and you would smile and thank him. Deep down, however (which he eventually realised and panicked about) was the intrusive, all-consuming thought: He likes this version of me, he could never like the real me, I’m too fake for someone as authentic as him. And then you go even deeper into that cycle.

In terms of romance, it’ll probably stem from a moment of rage or frustration, mostly on your part. You’re so tired or maintaining, editing, fixing yourself every fucking day that you lose it. Fully fucking lose it. You tear at your hair, pull at your skin, smear your makeup and just sob in the shower.

You don’t go to school that day, by then Sol and you (and Hyugo!) were friends for a while, and he was nervous when you weren’t around that day. They both texted you, with little response if any at all. So he brings your favourite snacks (he knows you don’t eat sugar so he brought dried fruits instead). 

What goes down is a mix of you being comforted, him relating to you, both of you opening up, maybe sleeping ontop of each other (look you’re tired okay). 

Obviously it’s a lot more violent and volatile than just that, but you’re in deep. You’ve been stuck in this cycle for years, it’ll take a lot to start pulling you out.

So you guys agree to pull each other out together.

Him (and Hyugo) both value their own appearances, but their aim is to convince you to dress well for YOURSELF, not anyone else.

When you and Sol are dating, you’re still very vain and worried about how you look, but the urge isn’t as potent, more as a source of comfort than anything else - or so you say. Sol definitely makes you eat and sleep more though, and to an extent (hint: a huge one), you feel a lot lighter. A lot saner and a touch happier.

You’re both pulling each other out together, and Sol often displays his love for you (and your body) through significantly more than just validation…

Mans definitely hugs and holds you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear about how worthy of love and affection you truly are.

Maybe one day you’ll grow to tell such kind things to yourself.

“You look gorgeous, pumpkin. Heh, who am I kidding, you always do.”

“Nothing makes me happier than seeing you at ease and content, darling.”

“I love all of you, always have, always will.”

Hyugo is a raging fan of hot and cool women (shh dw he thinks hot men are epic too); he absolutely loves them, he thinks they’re awesome. He’s someone who can definitely appreciate a person who caters to themselves and generally hold themselves in high regard; and from the looks of it…you seem to be both of those things. After all, you’re considered a beauty by most if not all of the school (and some faculty members but that’s for him to use as blackmail in the future).

He 110% does consider you appealing at first glance, you’re put together, composed, sure of yourself. In short: confident. He likes that trait, the ability to see yourself highly and to deflect any hits that are tossed your way.

He originally doesn’t see it as much more than that, a small acknowledgement of ‘that person’s cool’…until that day on the rooftop.

Then it turns into something a touch more…intimate? I mean, violence is an intimate thing, in certain contexts. It’s just not a type people would want to find themselves in…heh, well, normal people at least.

After him and Sol acquaint themselves with you well enough, he begins to perceive cracks in this facade of yours - Hyugo has a very highly-tuned sixth sense (canon idfc this is something he has to have with the shit he gets up to) - and gets curious.

You seem like a nice person, a good person even, but there’s something *off*. He tries to think about it, tries to put his finger on what he suspects you conceal from the world. So, like the magnificent detective he is, he decides he’s going to investigate and through his many contacts he discovers you’re extremely vain and self-regulatory about your physical appearance.

He doesn’t think that’s the cause at first, until he gets to know you better and it hits him just how willing you are to damage yourself just to fit the standards of the year, if not month. He notices how trendy you are, how you always seem to have the newest bags, clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. 

He does some digging, in his spare time (only due to intrigue, totally out of curiosity and nothing else) and finds that you’re in a very deep debt. Mainly from your obscene amounts of fashion-esqe purchases. That’s when he fully realised how bad this compulsion of yours is.

During your friendship, he starts gingerly bringing up things about trends, usually starting from his end - video games - and you end up mentioning fashion and clothes.

Then he picks up on how gaunt you look, even under the contouring and makeup, his bony your hands are, how frail you seem to be.

He’s contemplating kidnapping you at this point, and eventually he bites the bullet and just bluntly asks you why you’re starving yourself. You become highly defensive, immediately shutting down the conversation.

Soon enough he becomes more forward with his prior gestures of offering food, being a touch insistent you eat. You look like you’ll collapse at any second, and he has to fully resist his urge to force-feed you - mostly to remain on good terms with you - until you actually collapse.

Most people are shocked, but the more perceptive ones aren’t remotely surprised how bad it got. You had a conviction that beauty was everything, and you were stubborn as they come.

It’s when you’re finally allowed out of the hospital that the two of you get into an actual argument. He’s upset that you’re willing to die in pursuit of something entirely subjective and you’re angry he thinks he has the right to boss you around.

Soon enough it explodes, and he blurts out his feelings, freaks out, and storms off; deciding to end it there before he reveals anything else.

You, on the other hand, are shooketh.

Con? Fuzzled.

Bam? Boozled.

Flabber? Gasted.

Eventually, you start to see things from his perspective, from other peoples’ perspectives and you feel depressed all over again. You fucked up. You failed to maintain perfection. It’s the imperfections that made this happen.

Obviously you know it’s not true, logically there’s no way it is. But you’ve not cared about logistics for a long fucking time.

You find him soon enough and you both talk, actually talk. Something something feelings and hurt and comfort something something let’s date.

Hyugo has plenty of his own secrets, as do you, but despite it all? You both know the other would never leave, because…you just feel it. Some small hopeful part of you feels safe with this partner…and soon so do both of you.

He’s a very supportive partner, he even helps you get out of debt ffs, he’s willing to do a lot to help you. Often compliments or expresses affection whenever he sees you, especially if you’ve eaten or he knows you’ve been taking care of yourself. Encourages you to list good traits of yourself, or to do something that involves not thinking, like crocheting. Or shooting. Or cooking. Stuff that grounds you. Whether you take any of those on is up to you, but he’s a caring person, and despite the shit he’s done he does want you to be and feel better. Sometime later on, you feel a sliver of that light return to the pit of hollow self-loathing and the world feels a touch less grey.

“Hey! How’re you feeling? Awesome, hey uh, wanna go out today? Just us two, no pressure. :)”

“As a certified sexy person I wish to remind you that you look very sexy this fine day.” 😔🫡😈 (this is said very solemnly mind you)

“You smell nice...” *subtly inhales*

To summarise this entire extract, Geo has his own insecurities - but they’re significantly more repressed than any other member of the main cast (Hyugo being a close second imo). He can empathise with the desire to feel content with ones’ own appearance, not that he’d ever state it.

He’s someone who does value fashion - cosmetics in particular, he definitely wears eyeliner and lipstick- and the art of taking care of yourself and your wellbeing, but he never felt the urge to destroy himself in the pursuit of beauty like you do. 

He considers Crowe one of his ‘close’ friends and considering how highly Crowe views you, he’s got some tidbits of info on you, like how you’re incredibly self conscious. He found that odd, because from whatever times he may or may not’ve seen you around, you emanated self-assuredness - if not cockiness - alongside your particularly fancy way of dress.

He can admit, he was a touch impressed with how dedicated you were to maintain yourself, until he began noticing small things in your stature and general nature. He doesn’t know why he observed such minute details, but whenever you hung out with the group, you seemed a touch out of it. A bit depressed, especially when someone complimented you - like Brittney or Jess.

He was somewhat certain you were fishing for compliments, until he realised that he doesn’t trust compliments either, so he somewhat erases that thought of you.

He does end up liking you after a long time, for your personality - we all hope (it is dw) - but he does notice how you alter your outfit style and makeup to something more conventionally appealing in Japan (idk man someone out there’s definitely done this to impress a crush), or just noticed how if you realise he likes something, especially in terms of physicality (it’s not for attraction it’s for the ✨aesthetic✨) you end up adopting said traits.

He eventually does recognise (probably because someone pointed it out, like Deryl - bless his heart he had no bad intentions) that you are doing this to impress him.

He’s not impressed, if anything, he feels a tad peeved. To him, actions like that indicate desperation, and he does not want to be surrounded by desperate people (he’s got too many simps and he doesn’t need anymore)…but you’re not a shallow person, he feels that.

Unfortunately he has fuck all idea on how to actually bring this up, so he doesn’t.

In fact the only way you stop is when he makes a snarky remark about it (he didn’t mean to come off as an asshole he swears) and you just look…melancholic.

In your eyes, you’ve learnt that beauty and appearance is what gets you people, and it’s worked so well before…so why isn’t it working now. You don’t want to seduce or trick anyone, but you want to be seen as pretty. Beautiful, even.

Geo’s indirect rejection of this made that void in your heart - that one that convinced you long ago how shallow and unworthy you genuinely are - swell and pulse. It stung.

That, along with the magnitude of invalidating, cruel thoughts sent you into a spiral. You let yourself go, and you let yourself drown.

And everyone noticed, when you marched into school after a couple days with makeup messily caked onto your face, your hair done in a way that tore at your scalp and hair strands and your outfit so tight that you had to move like a machine just to get around. The desire grew stronger, grew in intensity and you were losing it.

Geo does not understand until Brittney realises it that he may or may not have been a catalyst for this. He has no clue how to deal with this, like he’s so stumped that he has an argument with ChatGPT.

Soon enough, he decides to just try and interact with you and pray this doesn’t end up in flames.

Something something awkward confession something something angst and hurt comfort something something eventually romance starts.

Anyway in terms of romantic relations, he’s unsupportive of these inhumane rituals you’ve been doing on yourself, so he makes you cease.

He doesn’t want to be nasty about it he just thinks it’s stupid and doesn’t want you to suffer anymore. He does care for you.

Will drop random words of validation every month or so, and you cling onto those words, because they’re genuine. They’re authentic, and you grow to feel more comfortable in receiving them, and, most importantly: giving them to yourself and accepting them. Bit by bit.

“You look nice. This suits you.”

“You’ve eaten, I hope?”

“You look healthier. Keep it that way..”

Banger women and banger tits: two things that Brittney Claire has in spades and also highly appreciates (mantits also count dwdw). She’s someone who values appearance as well, often putting in insane amounts of time for her hair snd skincare alone (Geode quivered in fear when he heard the number). She’s also someone who’s experienced her fair share of dark times and loneliness, so she definitely understands what it feels like to need to feel attractive, to feel wanted and needed, even if it’s ingenuine. 

She’s someone who - like you - displays confidence and self-assurance, especially in the face of people she holds disdain and even resentment towards. Someone who understands the empty feeling that comes with years of self-loathing and the undying belief that you’ll never be worth anything if you’re not beautiful. What worth does someone - especially a woman - have if she’s not beautiful?

Looking back, from the perspective of someone with a much healthier support system and overall mindset, she knows she has worth, knows she’s awesome and has good qualities…but some days those feelings return. So she gets it. 

Frankly, the first time she meets - hell, even sees - you, she instantly knows. How could she not, she used to be similar to you. Trendiest outfits, being the circle of attention, knowing all the news and rumours and pop culture references (she still knows them, just refuses to change herself for them). She believes she only genuinely stopped trying to fit in when she discovered Gyaru fashion, almost slipped back into it when she got humiliated that one time, and crawled back out when she had Jess and Crowe (and to a minor extent, Geo) for support.

She knows you don’t have genuine friends, or ones that possess depth; so she decides to try and get to know you through shared classes.

You originally somewhat ignore her (totally not due to your envy of her being able to be herself no never), which tempts her to give up, but she’s a spiteful lady sometimes. Spite is a very good motivator.

Eventually, you both end up talking and the more comfy you become, the more she realises how similar you both were and still are. She decides to introduce you to her friend group, to which you reluctantly agree (due to the rumours) and you’re pretty well-received. 

Brittney does eventually start opening up to you, and you do as well - bonding over your shared experienced and values - her offering an olive branch if you want support, to which you agree…but never take up.

Hell, soon enough you grow distant again, and oddly enough she’s peeved. She doesn’t get why, well…she does, but you seem to mostly avoid her specifically. Did she appear fake to you? Did you think she wanted to harm you?

Maybe, honestly. She had - still has - that same mindset to an extent. That jaded outlook on reading peoples’ angles and intentions.

When she eventually confronts you, you both escalate it to a fight, mostly because she’s genuinely trying to help - despite having the communication skills of a tortoise in water - while you’re being hyperdefensive over yourself and your habits of extremist beauty obsession.

You confess you’re jealous of her. Highly jealous, the fact she has genuine friends, that she can fit in, be herself, etc. You apologise for being such a bitch, but it hurts you deeply.

She eventually relents and calms down, before you both start a proper friendship. You two and Jess are a banger trio, often going shopping together, going to cafes or simply talking. A group of support and trust, one that’s rare in a place like Titan City.

It’s then you two begin to develop feelings, and eventually things happen and you two get together.

She’s gonna be protective of you, you both defend the other from rumours and shitty people and serve as pillars for the other when they’re feeling low. You guys empathise with one another in ways many others simply cannot - and that’s a bond neither of you are willing to squander.

You guys definitely do each others’ hair and makeup and nails btw.

“You look…pretty! Pretty…uh…yeah. Very pretty.”

“Ugh, times are hard for hot people like us, right? Jessie Sitrus agree with me this instant!!” 🗣🗣

“I get it, but hey! It gets better, trust me. I’d know. And we’ve got each other, right?”

[eggyrocks]

DRUNK WALK HOME

chapter seven: introductions

masterlist

"and i don't want your pity, i just want somebody near me / guess i'm a coward, i just want to feel alright," nobody by mitski

It’s Tuesday, and Akaashi’s studying, sitting at the university coffee shop with his notes splayed across a table, an empty seat across from him. 

He can’t focus. He couldn’t focus at his apartment, he couldn’t focus at the library, and he can’t focus here. Noises keep making his head turn, and he keeps thinking that he sees her out of the corner of his eye, and each time it tenses him up, makes his adrenaline spike. 

He keeps rereading the same sentence over and over, and going to drink from a coffee that’s been empty for about twenty minutes now. He’s not retaining any information, each word he reads turning into dust on his head. 

It’s making his head split. And as much as Akaashi does not want to admit it, the thought creeps into the back of his mind that she’s right: he is obsessed. It makes his grip on his pen a bit tighter. He tries, but he can’t stop thinking about her. Everything he does, she’s in the back of his mind. He wonders what she’d say to him if she could see him, what she’d do. He wonders what she’s thinking about, and if she’s thinking about him. 

He wonders if she would’ve been his friend, if he had given her the chance. 

This is what he’s thinking about instead of his studies, and it’s driving him insane. He grinds his teeth together, and tries to force himself to understand the content in front of him. 

A heavy leather purse drops down on top of the table, and he jumps. Akaashi looks up, and sees an older woman there, taking a seat in the empty chair across from him. She stares directly at Akaashi as she does so. She looks familiar. This scowl she has on her face feels like one Akaashi knows. 

“I’m sitting here,” she says, matter-of-factly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat. “There’s no other place to sit, and I’m waiting for my kid to show up. She’s late, go fucking figure.” 

Akaashi tries not to let it show how immediately uncomfortable he feels. “Um, okay. That’s fine with me,” he says stiffly, nodding his head. 

She has wrinkles around her eyes and heavy frown lines around her mouth. “What’s your name?” she demands. 

“Akaashi Keiji, ma’am,” he answers, because he feels like he has to. Like he’ll get in some kind of trouble if he doesn’t.

“You look like a smart kid,” she comments, eyes briefly tracing over his collection of books and notes. “You get good grades?” 

“My grades are decent, yes.” 

She snorts. “That’s a humble way of saying yes. You look smart, studying here. Wish my kid was smart like you. But she’s a fucking dumbass.” 

His discomfort makes him squirm. Akaashi doesn’t know what to say, so he settles on, “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“You got a girlfriend, Akaashi?” she asks bluntly. 

“Um, no,” he says, and for some reason his face gets hot. “No I don’t.” 

“Do you want one? My daughter’s dumb as rocks but she’s at least pretty. Gets it from me,” she says, and grins proudly. 

Akaashi looks over his shoulder, like he’s looking for someone to save him from this conversation. The last thing he wants is to date this random woman’s random daughter, especially if they’re anything alike. “Oh, well, I’m just trying to focus on my studies now.” 

“Well if you change your mind, let me know. Maybe you’d be a good influence on her,” she says, and then perks up in her chair, looking over Akaashi’s head. “Look, here she comes now.” 

Akaashi turns, and he sees her. For a moment, he tries to pretend that he doesn’t see her, and instead looks for the woman’s daughter, before it dawns on him.

It makes sense, once Akaashi realizes. They look alike. The way the frown is the same. The way they spit out words is the same. Akaashi feels something that is akin to satisfaction. 

She must see her mother sitting there, speaking with Akaashi, and feel dread, because this awful expression works its way across her face once she sees the two of them together. Her mouth screws up, her fists ball by her side, and she takes quick, urgent steps towards the table in the middle of the cafe. “Mom?” she questions, voice half horrified and half enraged. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

“I’m talking to this nice boy, Akaashi,” her mother responds, leaning back in her chair as if she has no intention of leaving, and is in fact just getting comfortable. Smugness blossoms in Akaashi’s chest, and he can’t help but smirk. 

She is deliberately not looking back at Akaashi. She has her head turned to face just her mother, shoulders tensed. “Yeah, I can see that. Why are you talking to him?” 

“Because I want to,” her mother replies, and then turns back to face Akaashi. “Akaashi, you know this scrub?” 

“No, I don’t know him, Mom,” she rushes to lie. 

“Actually, we do know each other,” Akaashi corrects her, voice level and cool. “I’m her writing tutor. All students on academic probation have to see a tutor twice a week.” 

It’s then that she finally turns to face Akaashi, and it’s not what he was expecting. He was expecting more of her rage, twisted up anger and some kind of rude remark. But instead, she looks horrified, eyes wide and jaw slightly dropped. It makes him shift. He’s never seen her look like that. 

“Akaashi,” she whispers, and he thinks it might be the first time she’s said his name since their reintroduction. It makes his spine straighten out. 

“Academic probation, huh? What a deadbeat kid you are,” her mother spits out, voice low and harsh. She stands, grabbing her heavy bag and swinging it over her shoulder. “Let’s go,” she commands of her kid. 

And, in a move that Akaashi doesn’t expect, she obeys without another word. Her head hangs and her shoulders slump, and she follows her mother out the cafe. Neither one of them say another word to Akaashi. 

Akaashi sits there for a moment, left with the impression that he’s done something wrong, just then.

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[nottivagos]

Hello! Welcome to Notti's "Not So Innocent" Notebook, where I write some filth to make your Monday a little better <3 || 18+ mdni pls and ty

Model Photographer!Carlos Sainz that can’t help but do a dirty photoshoot for his own dirty pleasures.

Imagine he’s been your personal— or at least go-to— photographer since you joined your modelling agency all those years ago. He was kind, maybe a little too kind, from your first ever interaction with him and he welcomingly taught you everything you needed to know. And ever since then you’d formed a close bond with him.

From the first ever shoot he had with you he was fixated on your body. The way different designer outfits and lavish accessories just clung to your figure in amazing, even eye-opening ways, made his mouth water. Tight fabrics clinging to your soft curves ever so snugly in all the right ways, he had a right to be swoon. Your body had become so obsessive and addictive to him that he had to start taking his personal work camera home just so he could jerk off the growing stiffness that tortured him all day whenever he had a photo session with you!

But today? Well, Carlos wanted to try something different. ‘A bit of excitement’, was the way he sold it to you. A naked photoshoot? But, wouldn’t that make you a pornstar? You definitely weren’t a pornstar, maybe Carlos had the wrong person! At first, yes you were sceptical, but the calming thickness of his accent and smoothness of his reassurances put your uneased mind at rest. After all, Carlos did have more experience than you. Of course he knew what he was doing!

”Just a few photos, nena,” the Spaniard mumbled in that beautiful accent as he looked at your unsure face. ”I only want to spice things up a little. Give you some more.. creative freedom, hm? When have I ever failed you in ideas?” He wasn’t wrong. Carlos’s ideas usually got you the front page in many magazines.

So you reluctantly complied. You felt safe in his hands, and honestly, you even thought it may be nice to show off some skin for once in a while. You hardly ever did it with your ‘normal gigs’, so this fun one might be the chance of something new. Despite his job description, Carlos had even gone out of his way to choose and pick out some cleavage for you! You couldn’t let him down after he went through all of that stress for you.

You quickly slid into the lacy bra and silky thong, which exquisitely complimented your slim frame perfectly, highlighting all the right areas of your bare body, giddy and full of anticipation for this exciting session with Carlos.

Carlos’s breathing hitched the moment you walked back onto set after changing into your clothes. The way your hips gracefully swayed slightly, ass jiggling with each step, black lace thigh-high tights covering your smooth, shaved legs— Carlos couldn’t help but feel a growing imprint in his pants, rubbing uncomfortably as his length kept contained in his tightening boxers. ”Where do you want me first, Carlos?” you asked with your new-found confidence, standing proudly in your revealing lingerie, biting your bottom lip ever so slightly as you ogled at the saucy set design as if it was straight out of a porno.

Trying to keep composed, Carlos cleared his throat, adjusting himself as his clothes became stifling, his body burning with desire.

”Let’s try the... desk first, cariño.” The Spaniard suggested in a croaky voice, dangerously low enough for you to hear, moving his camera to be placed directly in front of the miniature office-like set. ”Here looks good,” he motioned you over with a finger.

Gliding across to where Carlos had set up base, his eyes lingered and hawked over your form for a little too long than he should have, noticing how your nipples had hardened as a gush of cold air hit your body from the air conditioning unit above. God, he yearned to just take you there, groping and pulling at your breasts until they were hardened and sore peaks, the sweet moans escaping your plump lips as he brushed his calloused fingers over your sensitive skin.

”Ass up.” he commanded darkly, his voice thicker and more tar-like now. A smirk formed on his sly lips as you followed his every word, treating them as the modelling gospel. ”Good girl, that’s perfect,” he purred out a praise.

A cheeky giggle escaped your lips as your boobs dangled onto the polished wood, elbows perking up your torso so you had a well-kept posture. Your rear lifted gracefully into the air as your back arched ever so perfectly, the angle allowing some stray, long locks of your hair to trail down your bare back.

”Is this okay?” You asked with a slight nervousness in your tone, tilting your head to look at Carlos for a moment. He looked composed at your brief glance, nodding sharply, but when your head turned back to look at the wall, he was teetering on the brink of losing control, the desire of pounding his throbbing cock into your slick, tight pussy driving him crazy. 

Surely a few shots wouldn’t hurt, right?

HELLO! Thanks for reading this if you do, I really appreciate it:) If you have any dirty ideas feel free to message me in my inbox, I'd love to hear your filth! - notti<3

[cosyvelvetorchid]

For One Night Only.. Maybe

My new Bucktommy fake dating/clipboard Buck au!

Read on AO3 or below.

Enjoy!

🩶

**********

Chapter 1

Rating: G (for this chapter. Will be M or E later on)

w/c: 4320

Summary:

Tommy Kinard asks Evan Buckley to be his fake boyfriend for one night to keep his aunt Clara off his back about dating.

The problem begins when it goes well.

Too well.

Tommy tries to ignore the fact that he’s falling for a straight guy.

While Buck is trying to figure out what these new strange feelings he’s having mean.

**********

“Thanks again for dinner.”

“No problem, Tommy.” Chimney said clearing the dinner table. “I’m just glad we actually found the time to properly hang out”

“Yeah and not in the back of a helo in a hurricane.” Hen added.

“Anybody ready for dessert?” Chimney called from the kitchen.

“Oh, no.” Tommy patted his stomach. “Anymore food and my shirt will burst.”

“Yeah, like it’s not already pulling at the seams from your ridiculous muscles.” Hen joked. Tommy lifted up his arm into a bicep curl with a grin and Hen rolled her eyes as they laughed.

“You should definitely join me and Eddie at our pick up basketball games.” Chim said sitting back down at the table.

“I’d love to. You play as well, Evan?”

“Oh he hates basketball.” Chim answered for him.

“What?!” Tommy responded looking at Buck. “How can you hate basketball ball? It’s the sport of kings!”

Buck shrugged. “Just never interested me.” He replied honestly.

“Travesty.” Tommy teased.

“I’m gonna make coffee.” Chimney stood up.

“I’ll help.” Hen followed him into the kitchen.

“So what hobbies do you have?” Tommy asked.

“Uh, I-I love to cook.” Buck said. “Bobby’s been teaching me pretty much since I arrived at the 118.”

“Man, I miss his cooking. Those family dinners were the shit.”

Buck chuckled. “They still are. Actually he’s having a dinner this weekend. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you came too.”

“Ah, I’d love that but I got family coming to visit this weekend.”

“The queen is finally asleep.” Maddie said walking out into the living room.

“How many stories did you have to read?” Hen asked.

“Four.” She said. “In the end I had to make one up about Tommy.”

“Me?” Tommy questioned.

“Oh you’re the star of the evening—Daddy’s friend who can fly. Right now you’re the coolest person she knows.”

“She’s not wrong.” Tommy joked, popping his collar.

“Maybe I should tell her the story of Maurice.” Hen said.

“Oh, come on!” He replied.

“Who’s Maurice?” Buck asked. Hen and Chimney looked at each other and laughed.

“Well..” Chimney began the story as Tommy shook his head in embarrassment.

*****

Buck sat at his island eating his breakfast checking his texts. He’d received one from Maddie thanking him for coming over for dinner. It never failed to make him laugh the she always did that, even though there was no need—he was her brother.

It had been a nice evening all around. He loved getting to spend time with Jee, who didn’t miss the opportunity to make Uncle Buck promise that next time he came over they’d bake cookies, and he’d enjoyed getting to know Tommy more.

He’d heard the stories from Hen and Chim about Tommy’s time at the 118, and he knew that he’d helped them out with that fire at Doheny park years ago. They had talked about him with fondness how it would be nice to catch up with him- though neither of them thought it would take a capsized cruise ship and a category 5 hurricane to do it.

Tommy was just so cool. But in an understated way—he didn’t talk or walk like he thought his shit didn’t stink, but instead seemed quite humble and on more than one occasion seemed a little uncomfortable when Hen or Chim were praising him. Which just made him even cooler.

What Buck noticed the most was just how masculine he was. He was tall, broad and muscular. His hair was similar to a regulation military cut, perhaps a little longer and his lower face was caressed with dark stubble. The cleft was something Buck couldn’t stop himself from looking at the most. He’d always admire the feature on a man. And Tommy was indeed a man.

But his masculinity what balanced, however, by his deeply blue eyes surrounded by long dark lashes. He was somehow incredibly handsome and equally pretty. Strangely, Buck couldn’t stop looking at him.

As he threw his breakfast plate into the sink a knock on his door echoed in the apartment and he opened his door to the last person he expected.

“T-Tommy.”

The man smiled. “Hey, Evan. Can I come in?”

“Uh, sure.” He stepped aside to let him through.

“Wow! Maybe I’m working at the wrong station.” Tommy said as he looked around Bucks living space.

“Is-is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” He said waving away Buck’s concerns. “I actually have a, uh, favour to ask.” He scratched the back of his head. For as confident he’d seemed so far, this morning he seemed.. nervous? Perhaps not nervous but certainly less confident that he had been the evening before.

From the moment Tommy had met them at Harbour station weeks ago, he’d done nothing but ooze confidence. His body language, the way he spoke, the way he did his job—Buck had watched in awe at the way his hands delicately glided over the controls as he flew the helicopter back after the cruise ship rescue. In the handful of times they’d met since then, Tommy always seemed to come across quite squared away and sure of himself.

“Uh, sure.” Buck walked over to the counter. “You want a coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“So what’s the favour? Nothing illegal is it?” Buck teased pouring them both a mug.

“I- What if it was?” Tommy enquired with a curious look to his eyes.

“That would depend on what it was.”

“Wait, so there’s some illegal activity you would be willing to engage in if I asked?” Tommy raised an eyebrow. Actually if he looked at Buck with those eyes Buck probably be willing to do a lot.

“Well, like murder? No. Breaking into a lab to rescue animals—I’d be down.” He answered placing Tommy’s coffee mug in front of him on the island.

“Thanks, and duly noted.” He chuckled. “No, it’s nothing like that. You remember last night I mentioned I had family coming to town?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s my aunt Clara who’s coming.” Tommy said.

“Is she not very nice?”

“No, she’s great. Practically raised me after my parents-“ He abruptly stopped himself from finishing the sentence. “She’s a great lady. The problem is that from the moment I came out to her a couple of years ago she has constantly been trying to set me up with men she knows. And, God love the woman, but her taste in men is awful.” Buck couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you wanting me to set you up with someone? ‘Cause, I’m sorry but I don’t think I know any single gay men.”

“Oh, no, that’s not- That wasn’t the favour.”

“Oh?”

“I’m actually not looking to date anybody, which she cannot seem to accept. But, when she wouldn’t let it go on the phone last week, I kinda, sorta lied and told her I already had a boyfriend.” He admitted.

“And now she’s coming to visit..” Buck said picking up what he was getting at.

“She’s expecting me to introduce her to him.”

“Oh.” Buck responded.

“So-“ He elongated the word. “I was wondering if you would consider.. pretending to be my boyfriend for an evening?

“Oh.” Buck said again. He had zero idea of what the favour was going to be but he never would have guess that.

“She’s only on town for 1 night and it would just be a couple of hours for dinner, which I’ll pay for so you’ll get a free meal out of it.”

“Why me?” Buck asked, truly confused as to why Tommy would pick him of all people. Tommy was effortlessly cool and accomplished—Buck was a dork, who never shut up.

“Two reasons, really. Firstly, I don’t have anybody else to ask. She met Chimney a couple of times back when I was at the 118 and knows he’s straight. That leaves Bobby, which, absolutely not, or Eddie and no offence to him but he screams straight guy—no way he could pull off queer.”

Buck laughed at the true statement. “But you think I could?”

“God, I hope so.” Tommy said. “Plus, you’re closer to my type anyway so it’s more likely that Clara would believe it.”

Tommy’s face was kind of adorable, really. Buck wasn’t sure if he was deliberately putting on those puppy dog eyes, but they were working, regardless.

“What would I need to do?”

“Just have dinner with us.”

“That’s it?” Buck asked.

“You’re expecting more? I’m not sure that would be appropriate at the dinner table, Evan.” Tommy winked and Buck’s cheeks immediately pinked up.

“That’s not what I meant!” He protested to Tommy’s amusement. “I just meant like, would I have to hold your hand, have my arm around you etc?”

“You wouldn’t have to. Not if that would make you feel uncomfortable, I mean.” He explained.

“I-I don’t mind. When is the dinner?”

“Friday night.”

“Okay. That gives us 3 days to plan.” Buck said unlocking his phone and opening the notes app.

“I’m sorry.. plan?” Tommy said confused.

“Well yeah.. If we’re going to make this believable we need to make sure we get our stories straight.”

“She’s my aunt, not the Spanish Inquisition, Evan.”

“And what happens if-if.. Say I order you a drink and it’s one you hate and she knows that you hate it.. wouldn’t that be weird? Or-or if she asks how we met and we give different answers.”

“I think you’re overthinking this a little.” Tommy said gently.

“I think you’re under thinking this a lot.” Buck countered.

Tommy looked at Buck for a few seconds and sighed resolutely. “I’m not going to win this am I?”

“Nope.” Buck replied with a grin.

Little did Tommy know that he’d just met Clipboard Buck.

***

“So, what sort of plan do you have in mind?” Tommy asked as they walked through a local park. It was a beautiful sunny and warm day—the first in almost a week of cloudy, drizzly weather. If nothing else, Tommy could at least get some vitamin D out of this ridiculous plan.

The thing is he admired Evan’s commitment to the cause, but it really was just going to be for one night of dinner. And it’s not like Clara was going to torture them for information to test their “relationship.”

But, though he wouldn’t admit it even on threat of death, Tommy actually found Evan’s excitement of it all quite adorable.

“We need to learn basic things about each other like favourite foods, where we grew up etc. You know—stuff your partner would know after.. how long have we been together?”

“2 months.”

“Right, after 2 months together. But we don’t have a long time to do it.”

“So, we need the cliff notes of each other is what you’re saying.”

“Exactly.” Buck said.

“Is there a form I could fill in for this?”

“See, I just learned something about you.” Buck said almost triumphantly.

“What?”

“You’re quite bitchy.” Buck informed him. There was no malice or judgement in Buck’s voice—it was actually one his favourite qualities in Tommy so far.

“I am not!” He protested. Buck just gave him a look. “Yeah well, you.. yap. You’re a yapper.” His face was smug as though he’d figured out something nobody else knew.

“I know.” Buck said without a hint of shame. And he truly wasn’t ashamed. A few years ago, he’d have thought differently. On more than one occasion Taylor Kelly, his ex girlfriend, had called him a yapper and never meant it affectionately.

After that ended, he started working on a newer and improved version of himself. (Although he couldn’t remember if he was supposed to be Buck 4.0 or Buck 5.0. So what? At least he was trying to improve, right?)

“We could play 20 questions or something like that?” Buck asked.

“I’m sorry are we 14?” Tommy replied.

“Sorry.” Buck said looking down. But Tommy could tell that he thought he’d done something wrong. Maybe Evan was right about his bitchiness. Guilt pricked at his chest.

“I’m sorry. You’re right—it’s actually a good idea.” Tommy conceded and Buck threw him a skeptical look. “I promise.” He smiled softly. “I guess I was just being bitchy.” He added with a deliberate smirk. Buck playfully rolled his eyes before continuing to walk alongside Tommy.

“I guess I’ll start—What’s your favourite movie?” Buck asked.

“Love Actually.”

“I’ve never seen it.”

“What?! How have you not seen it?” Tommy asked.

Buck shrugged. “Just not a big movie watcher. My sister and are were kinda sheltered from a lot of movies and shows as a kid so never really got into them. I love documentaries though.”

“Noted. Worst injury you’ve had on the job?”

“That would be the engine that crushed my leg.” Buck answered. Tommy stopped still.

“Wait that was you?!” Buck nodded. “I remember watching that on tv.”

Buck scoffed. “So did my girlfriend at the time. She didn’t handle it well. Broke up with me as soon as I got out of hospital.”

“Charming.” Tommy responded sarcastically. “How long did it take to heal?”

“Uh, about 5 months for my leg to heal to pass my physical, but then I threw a blood clot in my lung and set me back another 2 months thanks to the blood thinners.” Buck explained.

Tommy couldn’t not notice the sadness on Bucks face as he remembered that time in his life. He recognised the look from his own reflection when he caught himself thinking about his own past. He tried not to allow himself to do that much as it was too painful. But every so often those memories would slide their way into to his consciousness.

“What about you?” Buck asked.

“Chopper went down in Afghanistan. Got a punctured lung and broke my arm in two places.”

“You were in the military?” Buck asked, surprised.

“Army.” Tommy replied. “Enlisted at 18. It’s why I transferred to Harbor—I missed flying.”

“I bet it feels like having a super power.” Buck said back.

“On occasion.” He said.

“Man, I would love to be a be able to fly.”

“I can give you lessons if you want?” He offered. 

“Really?” Buck questioned excitedly.

Tommy nodded. “It’s the least I could do for helping me out.”

“I don’t think that’s equal.” Buck argued. “At least let me buy you a beer. Actually, speaking of—what do you like to drink?”

“Like every other boring cis male I mostly drink beer. Occasionally a nice red wine. You?”

“I like an IPA. Just keep me away from the Margaritas.”

“Do I want to know?” Tommy eyed him up.

“I kissed Lucy.” He admitted, embarrassed.

“Donato?!”

“Yeah. Actually, she kissed me first for the record. But I-I, uh.. had a girlfriend at the time.” 

“Oh.” He said elongating the word.

“Yeah, not my finest moment.” Buck said.

“Are you still together?” He enquired.

“Oh, no—we broke up a few months after that. Different reason though.”

Tommy didn’t push the subject. They continued leisurely walking around the park trading basic personal information: Where they were from—Tommy was born and bred in L.A, Buck from Pennsylvania; music tastes—Buck liked pop music and whatever was on the radio on his drive in to work, Tommy liked what Buck teased as dad rock; Favourite place to eat—Tommy loved a local pizza joint, Micellis, Buck liked Sushi Palace.

It was, admittedly, not as hellish an afternoon as Tommy had been expecting. In fact it had actually been quite pleasant. There was an ease talking to Evan. He wasn’t arrogant or judgmental like a lot of men Tommy had met that were Evan’s age. Instead, though he was confident, he was also open; wasn’t ashamed of the things he liked and certainly didn’t seem to be putting on any airs and graces to impress Tommy.

**********

“Hi, Evan.” Tommy answered the phone just as he sat down in Habors rec room. “What’s up?”

“What are you wearing?” 

“Wow, and so early in our relationship. I dig it.” 

“Hilarious, Tommy.” Buck said as Tommy chuckled. “I’m talking about tomorrow night.” 

“Uh, I don’t know. Haven’t really thought about. I’ll probably just grab a shirt from my closet. I might even wear clean jeans. Why?”

“I was thinking we should coordinate.”

“It’s just a casual dinner, Evan. It doesn’t really matter all that much.” 

“But I-I want to make a good impression on your aunt.” 

Tommy couldn’t help but smile at his ridiculous new friend. Chimney had told him that he was the type to go all in with whatever he did and he wasn’t kidding. 

“Evan, you really don’t have to worry. I’m sure you’ll look great whatever you wear, and honestly Clara isn’t going to care.”

“I can’t help it—I’ve never been on a date with a guy before.” He said earnestly. “You asked me to help and I want to do a good job for you.”

And didn’t that make Tommy feel a certain way he definitely shouldn’t be. 

“I appreciate that, Evan. And you for helping me. But really, you don’t have to worry. I promise.”

“Okay.” Buck said back but Tommy heard the concern in his voice.

He was probably going to regret his next suggestion. “If it will make you feel better, why don’t you come to my place before dinner and you can pick my outfit.”

“Really?” Tommy could practically hear the grin on Bucks face.

“Really.”

“Cool.” 

**********

Tommy walked into his house desperate for a shower. He’d been working ground support on a landfill fire and smelled like what could only be described as burnt plastic wrapped in fish. 

He took three steps up his stairs when his doorbell rang. He’d hoped it would be Larry across the street whom he hated for being the neighbourhood busybody who would complain about anything and everything. He’d love Larry to get a big old whiff of him right now. 

He was surprised however to see his aunt on the other side of the door. 

“Aunt Clara? I thought we were going to be meeting at the restaurant.”

“I wanted to surprise my favourite nephew.” Her small 5 foot frame stepped forward and she reached up to grab Tommys face, planting a kiss onto his cheek; her long black flowing kaftan, despite her small stature, almost enveloping him. 

“I’m your only nephew.” He reminded her which she ignored. 

“Grab my bag, darling.” She gestured behind herself. “Did something die in here?” She remarked.

“Oh, sorry that’s me. I was just about to have a shower.” She waved her hand in front of her face trying to waft away the ripe stench coming from him.

“Is there a problem with your hotel?” Tommy brought her bag inside as she turned and made her way into the kitchen. 

“Some issue with their power. They’ve cancelled all reservations for tonight. I hope you have better coffee this time, and not that cheap crap that tastes like it’s already been through somebody.” She opened and closed his cabinets until she found his coffee, which as it happened was better than what he used to buy.

“So, you’re staying here?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Uh, no. No, of course not. It’s- I just wasn’t expecting it. I haven’t set up the guest room.” He said.

She waved her hand; the sound of her beaded jewellery clacking as she moved. “You don’t have to go to the trouble, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Tommy looked at her incredulously. “I wouldnt be caught dead sleeping on a couch—I have standards” - that’s a direct quote from you.” 

“People change, Thomas.” She argued as she squinted at Tommys coffee machine trying to figure out what buttons to press. “What happened to just using a simple coffee pot? Your generation are obsessed with these damn robot machines.” 

Tommy chuckled. “Aunt Clara, you go sit down and I’ll make the coffee.” 

“Thank you, darling.” She affectionately tapped the side of his face. She stopped after taking a step past him. “On second thought you better take that shower first—you smell like my first husband. After he died.” 

***

Tommy emerged from his shower feeling like a brand new man. He threw on some sweats and a T-shirt and headed downstairs to make his aunt coffee.

He found her standing in front of his fireplace admiring the photograph of his mother that sat on top of the hearth. His mom was standing by his grandmothers Christmas tree with a 1 year old Tommy in her arms. Her smile was big and happy—the picture taken back at a time when her smiled outnumbered her cry’s.

“She was so beautiful.” Clara remarked hearing Tommy enter the room.

“Yeah.” He agreed.

“Shame she met your piece of shit father. Actually, that’s not entirely fair—she got you of it,” she patted his upper arm. “The only good thing to ever come from him.”

She walked back over to the sofa and sat down, tucking her crossed legs underneath herself.

“Speaking of pictures—I want to see one of this Evan boy.”

Shit. Evan. He was going to be coming over soon and judging by the nerves he’d already had at the prospect of tonights dinner, he was probably going to shit himself entirely when he turns up and gets an early and unexpected introduction.

Also, how was he going to explain not having any photos of Evan? Perhaps his reassurances to Evan that tonight would be fine was preemptive. 

“I- it’s a new phone so I don’t have any pictures.” He said on the fly and hoped she’d believe it.

“What about his social media? You kids post everything in there these days.”

“I don’t really use it.” That was the truth. Lucy had made him set up an instagram account once but he’d posted one picture of a sunset taken from the helm of his helo and that was it.

“Oh you should, darling—I’ve met some wonderful men from instagram. I haven’t paid for a dinner in months!” She said happily.

“Aunt Clara!” Tommy chastised “You can’t just meet random men from the internet! Do you know how dangerous that is?”

“Sweetheart, when you get to my age, danger is just a little extra excitement.” She told him “Besides, a woman has needs that must be-“

“Woah!” Tommy threw his hands up. “I so do not need to know the rest of that sentence.”

Clara rolled her eyes. “It’s 2024, Thomas—women like sex too. It’s not something to be ashamed about.”

“Yes, I get that, and agree. However I don’t need to know about your sex life, thank you.” He told her and she laughed. “Besides, since when did you use social media?”

“I told you—to meet men.”

“You joined social media to get laid?” He said; incredulity all over his face.

“For company, Thomas. At our age people are dropping like flies.”

“You’re 62, not 90.” He reminded her.

“Yes but the men my age that haven’t eaten or drank themselves into a heart attack, all want housewives; women to wipe their asses for them like it’s 1950.” She shook her head. “I want to spend my final years on this earth eating good food, drinking fantastic wine and having mind blowing orgasms,” Tommy grimaced. “And only the younger ones know how to give those.”

“How.. how young are we talking?” Tommy asked mildly terrified of the answer.

“The last one was..” she looked up at the ceiling as she recalled the answer. “41.”

“Christ, Clara he’s my age!”

“And all the better for it.” She winked.

“Okay!” He abruptly stood up. “We’re done with this conversation—I’m going to make that coffee.” He quickly made for the kitchen to the sound of Clara’s laughs behind him.

He closed the kitchen door and pulled out his phone to call Buck, swearing to himself when there was no answer because presumably it meant that he was already driving to Tommy’s.

He made himself and Clara coffee then hovered near front door to hopefully catch Evan as he arrived. Luck was on his side when he spotted the jeep pulling up against the curb. He quickly ran to meet him.

Buck lifted out a bunch of hangers, each holding a different shirt. “Hey, so I brought a couple of options for-“

“She’s here.” Tommy interrupted.

“Huh?”

“My aunt. She’s here. Turned up like an hour ago.”

“I thought we were meeting her at the restaurant?” Buck asked.

“So did I. But there’s an issue with her hotel so she’s staying here tonight.”

“Wow. Okay.” Buck looked toward the house to see a woman with dark curly hair wiggling her fingers at him with a smile. He took in a deep breath. “We haven’t discussed our relationship, yet. Like-like who asked who out, what we like to do on dates, and-“

Tommy placed his hands into Bucks shoulders to, let’s be honest, shut him up. “It’ll be fine. But.. I should probably have warned you that she’s.. well, she’s not like most women her age. She’s remarkably progressive and very open about a lot of things. She also sometimes forgets her boundaries, so prepare for some invasive personal questions.”

“You couldn’t have told me all this before?” Buck argued.

“I was going to when you got here but I wasn’t expecting her first. If you don’t want to do this I completely understand. I can tell her your sick or-“

It was Bucks turn to interrupt. “No, I want to. I promised I would help. It’s fine.” He gave a somewhat nervous smile.

“Okay.” Tommy nodded. He turned and held out his hand for Buck to take. “You ready?”

Buck slid his fingers into Tommy’s and was immediately surprised at how soft his hands were. Tommy led them up the path and into the house.

[mattsfavouritewhore]

Just Go part 4... The End - Chris Sturniolo

a/n: welcome to the end pookies!! enjoy

just go part 2 part 3

you felt like a stranger in your own skin as you pushed through the crowded party. The thumping bass of the music vibrated through your bones, but it couldn’t drown out the thudding of your heart. you had come here to escape, to forget, but now the weight of what happened earlier felt suffocating. Chris likes Harper. Not you.

Why did you even come? pushing past a couple of people laughing by the kitchen. But as you walked deeper into the house, your eyes naturally found Chris. He was standing in a small circle with some friends, but Harper—of course—was right there, leaning into him as if they were already in their own world.

The sight twisted something in your chest. It wasn’t just jealousy anymore—it was something sharper, like betrayal. seeing it now, in person, felt like salt in an open wound.

Before you could look away, Chris caught their eye. The flicker of recognition passed between you guys, and in that instant, everything seemed to stop. He excused himself from Harper and started making his way toward you. your pulse quickened, a mixture of fury and something else—something that felt uncomfortably like longing.

No. you couldn’t do this. Not tonight. Not after everything.

When Chris reached them, he was breathing a little heavier than usual, clearly flustered. “Hey,” he said, running a hand through his hair, his voice hesitant. “You made it.”

You crossed their arms tightly, feeling a rush of emotions you couldn’t process all at once. you forced a tight smile. “Yeah, I thought I’d come for the free drinks and the real entertainment.”

Chris winced at the sarcasm. “I know things have been weird... but I didn’t think it was this bad.” His gaze flickered toward Harper, who was watching them from across the room.

Chris’s expression faltered, his lips pressing into a thin line. “I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Is that what you tell yourself?” you asked, unable to keep the edge from your voice. “You think you can just sweep everything under the rug, pretend like I don’t have feelings? Because here’s the truth, Chris: I’m not the one who needs to be protected here.”

Chris stepped forward, his voice dropping. “Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me. You’ve always been...” He stopped, looking lost for words.

“Always been what?” you challenged, your voice growing colder. “Your second choice? Your fall-back plan? Is that it?”

Chris’s face softened with regret, his eyes desperate. “No, you’re not that to me. I care about you. But...”

“But?” you repeated, cutting him off. “But what? You care about me, but you’ve been chasing Harper this entire time, Chris. How long were you planning on stringing me along? Because, news flash, I’m not waiting for you to figure it out anymore.”

Chris opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Harper suddenly appeared at his side, her voice dripping with sweetness, but with a dangerous edge. “What’s going on here, you two? Did you need a little private chat?”

you turned to face her, your pulse quickening. Harper’s eyes gleamed with a strange satisfaction as she looked between you and Chris. She wasn’t even pretending to hide the power she had over him. “I think Chris has been very clear about his feelings, haven’t you, babe?”

Chris’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t answer. Instead, his eyes flickered briefly to you, almost like he was looking for approval, but he said nothing.

your heart felt like it was breaking, but you refused to let it show. Instead, you looked right at Harper, cutting through the tension. “You two are really something, aren’t you?” you said, your voice like ice. “You’ve been playing this game for months, pretending you care about me when all along you were just setting me up as some... rebound.”

Harper shrugged, unfazed. “Rebound? Maybe. But if the shoe fits…” She tossed her hair back with a smug smirk. “To be fair, I didn’t think he was going to fall for you. But he did. I guess it was fun while it lasted.”

you stared at Harper, anger and hurt crashing through you, but something deep inside clicked. you were done being the victim of this twisted little game. you turned to Chris, your eyes narrowing. “I’m done with both of you,” you said flatly.

But just as you turned to leave, something unexpected happened. Chris grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but gentle. “Wait,” he said urgently. “Y/N, please listen.”

you spun around, eyes blazing. “No. I’m done listening. I’m done with the lies, done with being a fucking second choice.” you yanked their wrist out of his grasp.

But Chris didn’t let go. He pulled you in, his hands on your shoulders, his eyes locking with yours in a way you'd never seen before. “Y/N, don’t walk away. I fucked up,” he said, his voice low but earnest. “I’ve been a coward, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark. But it was never about Harper. It was always you. You just... you have to trust me on this.”

you felt a mix of disbelief and something else—a rush of longing you had tried to suppress for so long. The anger was still there, but it was tangled up with something raw. Something real.

“Prove it,” you whispered, barely able to hear their own voice over the pounding music. “Prove that you want me. Because right now, I’m not sure you even know who the hell I am.”

Chris took a step back, eyes wide, then nodded. “I can prove it. I will. Just give me a chance.”

you stared at him for a long moment, your breath catching in your throat. you could feel Harper’s eyes burning into them from across the room, but for the first time that night, you didn’t care.

“Fine,” you said finally, their voice low. “You’ve got one chance to make this right, Chris. Don’t screw it up.”

Chris’s face broke into a genuine, relieved smile. And for the first time, it wasn’t forced. “I won’t,” he promised, his voice filled with determination.

He drags you to the yard, away from all the people, away from the music and the alcohol..

it was just the two of you.

“I was a mess, Y/N. I was so scared to face the truth that I just let things happen. I didn’t know how to break things off with Harper, and I thought… I thought I could handle everything, but I can’t. I didn’t want to lose you, but I knew I was losing myself by trying to keep you around while still being hung up on her. I messed up, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m willing to prove to you that I can be the person you deserve.”

You listened as he explained himself, still not understanding why he chose harper over you, why he did what he did if this is how he truly felt.

“I don’t expect you to trust me right away, but I need you to know that I’m here for the long haul. I don’t want to play games anymore. No more secrets. I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this right. But I need you to tell me what you need. I can’t fix things unless you let me know what you need from me.”

He tucks a strand of her hair, kissing her cheek before getting up and walking away. you watch him leave, being left alone with your thoughts.. would he ever tell you why he did what he did? should you forgive him? it all came crashing into your thoughts.

A few days go past, you hadnt heard from chris until one night he messages you..

Chris:

“I know you’ve been dying to see that documentary about that photographer you love. I got us tickets for tomorrow night. no pressure. But I want to spend some time with you, the right way. If you’re up for it, I’m here.”

You smile at your phone, quickly responding "sure"

Chris continued to spoil you, not really going into detail abt harper and why he randomly switched up from you to harper back to you but he made it clear that harper was no longer an issue.

you decided to give Chris another chance, but on your terms. you're not rushing into anything—you've learnt to trust yourself first, and now, you need to trust Chris with a more open heart. Chris’s consistent actions, honesty, and vulnerability make all the difference. Slowly, you lets down your guard. you find yourself laughing again in each other’s company, planning things together, and feeling like you can be your true selves with him—no games, no secrets.

you guys take your time. There’s no immediate rush to label things, but trust and communication gradually grow back, until one day, Chris holds your hand and says, “I’m not going anywhere. I want this with you, for real. You’re it.”

you, with a soft smile, reply, “I believe you.”

a/n: this is pretty rushed bc i geniunely had zero of an idea on how to finish the series.

tags: @riggysworld @watercolorskyy @courta13

[thrashkink-coven]

I get the thing of wanting to be as harmless and uncontroversial as possible in your craft. I understand white witches trying their best not to encroach on closed practices or cultural appropriation. I understand wanting to cancel problematic occultists and generally push the witchy community away from its history with white supremacy and racism. I get it, I really do.

and I say this with love and try to come across as gently as possible.

Some of you, though your intentions may be pure, don’t seem to recognize the difference between genuine caution and concern and blatant white saviourtism. I promise you that people of color don’t need white witches to speak for them. I promise you that it is not your responsibility to be the saviour that enforces what is and isn’t problematic, especially when you yourself are so clueless about the issue at hand.

People who don’t know even the first thing about Judaism shouldn’t be trying to herd all of their white friends away from Lilith or dictate why you shouldn’t use magick with a k. It’s frustrating because the original message gets completely lost every single time.

Jew witches will say “hey guys maybe don’t work with Lilith if you don’t understand her origins because she’s not just a girl boss mother of demons but also has a lot of history in our culture as an extremely violent and chaotic energy that actively victimizes women and children”

But all that tumblr heard was “Lilith is associated with Judaism and that means she’s a religious figure and can’t be worked with by non-jews” without having even the slightest clue what her role in Judaism was and why people advise caution. Saying that Lilith is a religious figure to Judaism tells me that you’ve never even met a Jewish person in real life.

People will say “hey Crowley was actually a piece of shit and shouldn’t be idolized as a wise practitioner when he was literally just an extremely racist heroine addict who tricked a lot of women into having sex with him for rituals”

But all that tumblr hears is “Crowley bad. Anything associated with Crowley also bad. If you do anything that was associated with Crowley you are also bad.”

Indigenous witches will say “Hey white sage is an extremely sacred herb that is being heinously over harvested by corporations selling the witchcraft equivalent of fast fashion and it’s causing severe harm to indigenous businesses and communities, please stop supporting them”

but all that tumblr heard was “White sage shouldn’t be harvested. If you get white sage from anywhere, even indigenous people themselves, you are racist.”

and in retaliation to that super hard stance you have witches who have decided they don’t care about respecting closed practices in general and purposely buy from non indigenous sources out of spite

“I don’t know enough about this topic to have an intelligent stance on it” is ALSO a perfectly acceptable position. You don’t have to be opinionated about things you don’t understand. You’re more than welcome to just avoid the things you know would make you uncomfortable to participate in without pushing blatant misinformation.

Most occult spaces have some sort of historical tie to icky stuff like racism, misogyny, ablism, etc. You’re not a bad person for recognizing that and wanting to stay away from them. I’m happy you care.

But you are not an authority on things you’re uneducated about. When you pretend to be you only muddy the words of the people you’re supposed to be helping.

Saying shit like “using magick with a k is just as antisemitic as using a swastika” completely waters down what real antisemitism is, and makes the matter less serious than it actually is.

Saying “working with Lilith is just as antisemitic as working with the Tetragrammaton” is just a complete slap in the face to practicing jews, and you don’t know why because you don’t understand Judaism or the people who created it. You can’t understand it because you’re so busy talking over them that you never took the opportunity to listen.

Before you make the decision to run these mass cancelation events, take a second to consider if you’re doing this because it’s actually important and something you truly understand, or if you’re just doing so to feel morally pure and accepted by your fellow politically correct white peers.

[writingdevil]

Hiiii! I saw that you were accepting prompts/requests for stp things OvO Do you think you could write something about cold and skeptic? It doesn't have to be romantic or anything just them interacting! Love your writing!!! :3

(Of course!I hope I got their dynamic right-Enjoy!)

Cold once again looked down at Skeptic,who had joined him on his walk this morning.

Cold usually wakes up incredibly early,to the point where the sun is only just about peeking out on the horizon.Not a lot of the others would be awake at this time,and if they were,they'd rather not be disturbed.This usually wouldn't deter Cold,but it was hard to interact with birds-who were either sleep deprived or trembling from nightmares-in an interesting way.So Cold had gotten into the habit of just wandering around the forest,walking until he felt like he had had enough.

Skeptic wasn't an uncommon bird to see at this hour,with thoughts too heavy to allow him sleep, and Cold would often see him mumbling to himself as he scribbled in a notebook.Cold normally didn't pay him any mind,but today-Skeptic had asked to join him.

It surprised him enough to be intrigued,and say yes.

He expected Skeptic to be chatty,to basically use Cold as a way to air out all that was mentally plaguing him like he normally would do.But he was actually silent.

Cold never had a problem with the silence most days-it gave his mind time to calm down and go back to that droning,dark state,and then Cold would try and feel something new again.

But it was hard to do that with Skeptic next to him, eying everything that passed with a sharp look,as if every leaf and rock in the place held some mystery or secret.

Cold turned to look ahead again as he asked,"Why did you want to walk with me?"

Skeptic blinked at him,as if only realising that Cold was with him,then shrugged and said,"I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit."

Cold hummed in response,then they fell into silence again,but Cold knew better.

Three,two,one-

"Why do you go on these walks every morning?" There it was.

Cold sighed,watching the cold air float in front of him."Because there's nothing else to do at this hour."

"How come your body always wakes up this early?"

"I don't know,"Cold casually said,then looked Skeptic in the eye ad he said,"Why can't you ever leave a theory until the next day?"

Skeptic almost tripped over his own feet at the question,but he managed to keep his balance while still glaring at Cold.After a few seconds,he said,"It's hard to leave a question unanswered,especially when I know I can figure it out."

Cold rolled his eyes."Why bother,though?Isn't the unknown more fun?"

Skeptic chuckled."Maybe for you it is,but some of us want to understand what's going on around us."

"How well has that been going for you,detective?" Cold was hoping that struck a nerve,to rile the other one up,but the only reaction he got was Skeptic staring up at him blankly.It was a little disappointing.

He kicked a rock,watching it fly off into the tall grass,just as Skeptic asked,"Can I ask you a question?"

"I don't care.You'll ask it anyways."

"Why do you do these things?"

Cold raised a brow,but continued to look straight ahead."What things?"

"Things that will make you feel something."

"You just answered your own question."

"No,I mean-"Skeptic sighed harshly,and Cold finally glanced down at him,noticing the exhaustion in his eyes,"-I mean why do you need to do these things in the first place?"

Cold shrugged."I can't help how I came to be in His head."Skeptic made a sound,slightly tilting his head from left to right in thought."I guess so,but don't you ever wonder why you feel so-so-"

"Numb?"Cold finished,and although Skeptic looked uncomfortable with the wording,he nodded.Cold sighed again,exhaling cold air right into Skeptic's face.He chuckled at the face he made,no doubt having questions about that as well.

"Wondering about it won't change it.It won't make me feel something,so it's not worth my time.If anything,I think I'm better off than the rest of you, not being weighed down by fears or duties."

"I know,you've made that clear in the past,"Skeptic quietly muttered,tracing his hand against a bush and its vibrant leaves as they passed by.

Neither of them spoke for quite a while,and the pink in the sky was beginning to fade.Cold noticed that they were at the point where they would loop back around to the house.Someone would definitely be awake by now,possibly Stubborn or Smitten.

Just as Cold was beginning to think that Skeptic wouldn't interest him anymore,he yawned and softly said,"It's quite nice out here."

Cold glanced back down at him,and Skeptic had a small smile on his face,usually sharp eyes now clouded over with something that Cold couldn't name right now.

"If we're being honest,"Skeptic said,"I didn't intend to join you just to question your motivation about who you were."If Cold didn't know any better,that sounded like an apology.Usually Skeptic's tunnel-vision way of thinking got in the way of seeing when he hurt someone's feelings,and then Smitten would have to gently explain it to him.

Not that Cold was offended.If anything,this was amusing.

Skeptic continued,rubbing a hand over his eyes,"I actually came out here to escape thinking for a little while."

"Really?"

"Yes.I was beginning to just get angry at myself,and I never know how to fix it,either the problem or my lack of sleep.But then I saw you going for your walk, and I thought that this might be what I'm missing-a moment of not thinking."

"A break,you mean,"Cold playfully pointed out, knowing that Skeptic hated having to stop and rest almost as much as Stubborn did.

Skeptic chuckled,and nodded."Yes.That."He sighed, and Cold just stared down at him,until Skeptic turned to look at him and quietly admitted,"You know-sometimes I envy you."

That actually made Cold stumble in his steps,but thankfully Skeptic said nothing of it,and Cold forced himself to keep moving as he stared down at Skeptic,wide-eyed.

Skeptic refused to look him in the eye as he said,"It must be so nice not to question every little thing,to not feel an itch for an answer.You just do whatever you want,just to see what'll happen,to see what's interesting,and not logical."

"It must be so calm in your mind,"Skeptic muttered, turning to look at the ground,but all Cold could focus on was what he had just admitted,and how surprised he was at it.

Calm wasn't the word Cold would personally used-but he did think that it was necessary against the others intense way of thinking.Although,he never thought that someone would envy the way he was.

He didn't know how to feel about it-and that made him want to learn more about it.

As the house grew closer,he made sure his tone was casual and uncaring as he said,"You're welcome to these walks anytime,you know."

He could hear the smile in Skeptic's voice as he softly replied,"Thank you,Cold."

[angelicstalker]

Hm

[daintydoilypon]

Can I have Dainty give some support for being depressed?

"GET YOUR 20 MINUTES OF VITAMIN D FROM THE SUN AND FLICK OFF YOUR BRAIN IN THE MIRROR. SAY YOU'RE NOT A LIL BITCH, IT'S A LIL BITCH! FAKE IT TIL YA MAKE, BB!!!"

((Not sure why you're asking me, I've had moderate to severe depression since '06. I will say, eating & drinking healthy stuff helps. It's not a cure, but it helps with symptoms. So, get some sun, drink some water, do a lil lie down, take a nice hot bath or shower, then eat something, & if you cannot eat something, drink an Ensure/Instant Carnation/Bolthouse/etc. Say it with me, kids, "You're gonna feel like poo, if you do not do, what is good for you, boo."))

[varjopeura]

.

[ofseptarsis]

The pause is brief, but within it Tófi can almost see a lifetime flow through it: the idea they've presented is a seedling and Menodora's mind is, as it has always been, black earth -it takes hold of what has been planted there and nourishes until it blooms into forbidden fruit.

They can see a smidge of reluctance at first, as if her mind was fighting back the intrusion, followed by a moment of silent acceptance.

After all, wouldn't it be terribly silly to think that, after all this years of knowing the other, one of them had genuinely willfully ignored that the other was perfectly capable of doing such a thing as feeling?

Mjaumen's ability to try and find ways to separate themselves from Monsters is, if anything, amusing.

De-humanizing your foe had never been so literal.

It's almost funny.

There might be something rational to it, there might be an interesting argument to be had about their brains being so intrinsically different that the range of feelings from one may completely differ from the other's -that their lizard brain, for one evolutionary reason or another, simply leaned more towards the pragmatic than the emotional, for the latter was rarely a useful tool survival-wise.

But...

Something flashes on her eyes and, for a moment, Tófi wonders what she'll say next. But nothing really comes.

Amusingly, they find themselves more amused than hurt offended; This is merely an unfortunate consequence of actions, of decisions, taken a long time ago -maybe by a Perhonen wanting to steady her people's resolve as they marched to battle, maybe by Seth himself wanting to make the enemy think of his people as totally invulnerable.

Maybe both scenarios are true.

Old beliefs die hard, and if Menodora, even after all that happened had genuinely not questioned them, then-

"Hvad kan du overhovedet elske, Tófi?" she asks with a smile, as if her humour has suddenly returned.

Tófi vaguely remembers a morbid phrase they'd heard at one point or another, something about raising crows and said crows eventually gouging one's eyes out.

Diamonds has always been a cheeky one.

"Power, money, respect... the works" they say, their lies adorned with a smile.

Thought of crows gouging one's eyes out, of frogs and scorpions, of Humans and Monsters haunt Tófi's mind, ironically making their mood somber up as Menodora's seem to improve.

It's probably because they are being uncharacteristically open, giving her something to ponder about while exposing a part of themselves that does not do them any favours, probably because the relative well-being of one requires the other being uncomfortable one way or the other.

For one to win, the other has to lose.

For Moon's smile to return if only for a brief moment, Tófi must admit to things that have been unspoken -it's a bizarre price to pay.

She then asks about what their relationship would be, if things were slightly different, if only things were easier.

It's a simple answer.

"If things were any different it would not be quite us"

This time, in an interesting deconstruction of their usual roles, Menodora is the one who has the answers yet refuses to voice them straight away in favour of letting the other try and figure out things themselves; She knows what things could be like, for she has seen, lived them through the very same dreams that torment her.

Maybe that is part of the problem.

"The most important journey right now is, indeed, the one to bed" they reply, trying to keep a deadpan expression even if Moon's playfulness makes it quite difficult "and once there I may just sit by the side of the bed and make you fall asleep while I wax poetic about whatever philosophical topic may come to mind, if you really want me to guide you through that too, Diamonds"

The remaining journey to the main bedroom is short, and yet they find themselves looking at her, making sure she is able to make it even if it means having to power through.

Her energy has always come in bursts, or so Tófi thinks: sure, she might have been able to run across the fields for hours on end, once upon a time, but more recent memories of her really using her energy make them think more of explosions than steady flows.

That dark spell had been a sudden burst of energy, the incident some minutes ago had been a burst of both energy and emotion.

They can only hope there is still something left after that.

"Are you sure you can make it, Moon?"

@menodoramoon

genfødte sandheder || Tófi & Moon

[alagaisia]

Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you

Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.

That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”

Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.

JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.

[feral-radfem]

Oh my God I'm so surprised that super persistent but consistently flawed debater on Tumblr is actually a child. I never saw that coming.

Look, there's things that adults shouldn't say/ topics we shouldnt bring up around children and should be able to create spaces away from them. If I'm being completely honest, radical feminism almost entirely falls in this category of 18+ content. We are constantly talking about sexual violence and other extremely adult topics that aren't appropriate for developing minds to be constantly bombarded with. It's bad for your young minds and it's bad for the movements that you seem to think you care about.

If you want to be a child activist then volunteer for your local community, don't get in online spaces with adults. It's simply not safe for children and creates an unproductive environment for adults. Children will learn better skills and build more fulfilling relationships and achievement doing local community activism anyways.

If you're a minor you need to put that shit somewhere so that we can tell that we're talking to a literal baby. I really don't enjoy this increasing trend of purposely not telling people when y'all are minors because you think that it's going to make people dismiss you, when you having limited life experience is a legitimate limitation on your analysis. You're being deceptive because someone placed a social boundary that you don't want to respect. It's high key gross.

On the same note, different tune, I hope this serves that is a reminder that people can literally be lying, either outright or by omission, about everything they claim about themselves on here. We, people in general, have created the online culture where it's completely normal to lie about important identifying features about ourselves for social clout/elevation. While I know there are some of us that may not participate in this practice, I know plenty of radfems do. We've caught a few doing it red-handed and all they're doing is breeding distrust amongst us in these spaces.

Can y'all not just act like normal honest people?

[angelhound]

.

[richardnixonbutagirl]

my crush asked me if I was a cheerleader when I was in high school and I had to admit that I didn’t even go to high school <3 just normal girl things