#fic: gaijin

[debbiechanclub]

I need you all to know that I don't intentionally keep writing fics that take place on/around Nellie's birthday, it literally just works out that way

[princesscolumbia]

About that [VARIANT] HRT thing...

If you're not deep in the thick of all things trans on Tumblr then you'll have seen the [animal] HRT that was spawned by the Dragon HRT series by aveydoesthings, then I feel sorry for you.

Seriously, go give her a follow and start from the beginning. There's TONS of inspired work that came from this, you probably won't ever find them all, but trying is worth the attempt.

If Dragon HRT were possible, I'd absolutely be mainlining that shit. I've felt draconic for so long I remember, just like when I realized I was a woman, learning that according to the oriental zodiac I was a dragon and feeling like that just fit.

No wonder I was so obsessed with the Dragonriders of Pern when I was a kid.

Naturally, since we're a system, I need to be taken into account here, so dragon-lady there wouldn't go full scaley unless there was a way for me to still be me. We're already crazy tall and gaijin, being a goddamn dragon might be a step too far for me.

...I wouldn't say no to having a cat's ears and tail, and the ability to purr...oh, and the fangs and claws!

Okay, therian...

In any case, a few months ago (about 2-3 weeks before we split into a system, as a matter of fact) I read a fic on Scribble Hub called "A Date with Faet," and...well...okay, some spoilers below the link. I'm not going to cut, because I want the whole post showing up, but if you like TG TF fics that dip into the hard weird, keep reading. Otherwise, skip the next section until the AO3 link:

In this fic, the protag discovers that she's a changeling, as in non-human. They're fae, and, in fact, turn out to be a fairy princess. Now, this is actually rather common as TG/TF fics go, and at first it appeared to be fairly standard for its type...right up until it wasn't.

Turns out the protag's adoptive father was also trans and the character that could have been a Mary Sue winds up with Herculean problems; they've got plenty of power, but will it actually be able to fix anything? Will this make things better or worse? What are the consequences of their actions?

This book/series takes a hard turn into the "𝕕𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕦𝕞𝕤" when, decades after being turned into a woman who's no longer actually protag's parent, dad-turned-mom-turned-cousin is once again asking to be changed, and this time she becomes protags daughter.

This particular bit in particular has stuck in my mind ever since. It's what works for the story, it's a completely natural outgrowth of the events that happened before, and what's more it allows the author to naturally insert someone who's a system into the fic. (You would not believe the number of fics I "stumbled on to" when I was incubating as the system we are now.)

The protag and their father/mom/cousin/daughter start out perfectly ordinary humans. In fact, they are, at first, rather desperate to cling to that humanity. But over the course of the story they, step by step, wind up being almost completely non human and, in the fae princess' case, periodically wielding power enough to transform reality to her whims.

And, of course, if you know me at all, the fact that this made things as emotionally/ethically/plot-wise/morally complicated as fuck just made me love it harder.

A few months ago I started penning "Like a Cat in Heat," which was a direct response to a smutfic that had a promising description but absolutely fell down on the execution that presented the question of, "What if a person had a distinctly inhuman trait? What if it was more like an animal trait?" I said, "Okay, how about that but if it was actually good? And what if it were funny?"

It turned out to be a fun little bit of flash fiction that I hadn't, at first, intended to be more than what it was. But then one of the readers dropped a comment and coupled with the last, closing lines that were intended to be just a silly little joke wound up spinning out "Dragon's Lair," which proposed the question, "What if 'the normal character' turned out to be a monsterfucker? What if that monster was as fragile as spun glass and the human was the real monster all along with the power to crush the 'monster' if they so chose? What if making the 'wrong' choices by 'society's' standards was actually the best thing for these characters and was the (morally/ethically/narratively)Good Ending™?"

Then I finished that up with "Smokin' Hot" which said, "...fuck it, full eldritch abomination! Fuse that main character with a kami! Main characters LOVE being fused with kami!"

I even have a scene where the MC is being burned alive to nothing and must trust that she'll be reborn from the ashes...

...so imagine my surprise when I found Eldritch HRT and the artist did basically the same thing in their comic, including the cocoon analogy:

( @dawning-mars - PHENOMENAL work so far, please keep it up, this series is wonderful and I can't wait to see where you take it! ...oh, and drink some water and make sure you're getting enough sleep. Burnout is the creative's worst enemy. Don't worry, the inspiration and the zone will be waiting for you on the other side. 😉)

And all this has reminded me, from reading "Date with Faet" to my own work to Dragon HRT and Fish HRT and Mouse HRT and Eldritch HRT...all of these are about people becoming their best self when they no longer conform to "normal" "humanity."

This is not a new revelation, of course. People have been identifying this phenomenon for decades, possibly longer. When the people we now call "queer" are targeted by fascists for killing, and when "normal" people can't be bothered to lift a finger in our defense, and when the "bad" guys in movies and TV shows are queer coded so heavily some of them are actually shown as being gay and in loving relationships...well, it's not hard for us to take a look at the options (do I conform and deny my basic nature and be miserable for decades, or do I commit to the bit and live a happy, if short, life?) and choose to become the monster.

And for those who wind up on this path, it doesn't feel like we're "less" human than the "normal" people. If anything, we're retaining what it is that, to us, makes us human, our sense of self, our agency, our individuality and identity in a vast, uncaring cosmos on a burning world filled with uncaring people. And once we've embraced that part of ourselves, the parts that we're told growing up make us monstrous and evil and inhuman, we look back at the humanity we left behind and see nothing but a faceless mass of conforming nightmares that wish us death.

We may be the monsters, but they are the Borg in its most pure, TNG-era form; uncarring, unfeeling, all consuming, faceless, mindless but the hivemind, and destroys everything it touches.

We embody IDIC, in our weirdness and our multitude and our refusal to conform. Resistance isn't futile, it's mandatory.

The collective sees anything that's different and seeks to force it to conform or erase its existence.

We bronies and furries and scalies and therians and transwomen and transmen and gays and bisexuals and systems and catgirls and dogboys and catboys and doggirls and eldritch abominations are the chaos of life. When someone says, "I'm...new, there hasn't been anything like me before," we say, "WELCOME BROTHER!" ("I'm a non-gender robot, actually..." "WELCOME SIBLING!")

Do you have a place to stay? About five people in the community have couches you can crash on...oh, you're good there? Are your bills paid? "Capitalism," amirite? How about medication? Can't get you your brain pills without a scrip, but we can hook you up with DIY HRT...oh, you're not planning on medically transitioning but you want top surgery? We can find you a list of places and the right people to talk to to make it happen. How about food? Here's a food bank near you...is your job treating you okay? No job? Let's get you resources to keep you housed while you're looking. Oh, that's your first art piece? Gorgeous! Magnificent! You've got a future...GAI'S, COME LOOK AT THIS ART THE NEWBIE DID!

Who's the monster here?

tl;dr - Maybe the real humanity is the eldritch abominations we made along the way?

[bokutosmochi]

LIVING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♡ NANAMI KENTO

nanami kento x gn!reader

ingredients? tired and cold from a christmas season mission, nanami and you come to your hotel room to discover a single bed at the center.

what's it? general. a sprinkle of fluff

allergen warning/s? gojo being a nosy prick

sugar level? 1.8k

regulars? @tokyometronetwork​ @tahonet​

parlor's note? i've seen so many oh-no-there's-only-one-bed fics with gojo, but none for nanami, so here's my present for my nanami hoes <33

happy holidays everyone!

bon appetit!

when the two of you finally managed to exorcise the special grade curse and retrieve yet another one of ryomen sukuna's fingers from it, the blonde man heaves a sigh of relief for more reasons than one.

it's heavily snowing in tsunan in the niigata prefecture, the temperature in the negatives. just his luck to be dispatched to one of the snowiest places in the world, during christmas too, no less.

a chill ran through nanami's whole body, and it had nothing to do with the adrenaline in his veins. he even swears it has nothing to do with the fact that he was dispatched with you on this particular mission, but rather how cold it was. his whole face was flushed pink, from his chiseled cheeks, the tip of his nose, all the way up to the top of his ears. his teeth were chattering slightly, and if one were to focus on him, they'd see how his figure shivered.

followed by the sigh was a sneeze and a sniffle which made you smile lightly and tilt your head to the side at him, "guess we'd better go back to the hotel, huh, big guy?"

big guy, he grimaced internally. that sounds worse than nanamin, and when someone gives a nickname more annoying that the ones gojo satoru gives, you know it's bad. however, nanami doesn't have it in him to complain about it; he curtly nods. "yes, i believe that's the best way to avoid getting sick in this weather."

the curse attacked the both of you prior to you getting checked into your hotel, so you picked up your bags from wherever you were able to throw it earlier before hailing a taxi cab. "you sure you got everything, nanami?" you asked him as you began putting your luggage into the trunk, and as he did the same with his, he answered you. "yes, i'm sure. i made sure to pack light since were aren't staying here for long anyway. what about you, [l/n]-san?"

"nanami! i told you that you don't have to be so formal with me! my first name's fine." you waved it off, "but yeah, i have everything too. thanks for asking!" you beamed at him.

the cab ride from the old, abandoned building to the hotel was short. perhaps just a bit below ten minutes, but it was filled with chatter from the old driver. at first he wondered why the two of you were out so late, and at the aged hospital that no one has used for the last ten years as well, nonetheless. nanami, sat at the passenger seat was able to quickly and smoothly make up a lie, and from there, started to make some small talk which evolved to the male driver telling crazy passengers he had driven in the past. the stories ranged from three gaijin wrestlers filming for their vlog, to drunk celebrities, to high schoolers singing along to the seventies music that his favorite radio station played -- he expressed that the last one was more surprising than being on the crazy side of things.

but alas, your fruitful interaction had to be cut short when you've finally reached your destination. nanami just let the man finish his last story, before paying for the cab ride and getting out of the vehicle.

thankfully for the both of you, the hotel, as expected, was much, much, much warmer than the outside world. nanami let out a sigh of relief at the warmth when he step foot into the establishment, then made a beeline towards the front desk. he was worn out and tired the same way you were. number two on his wishlist was to be somewhere warm, and now that he has received that, it was time for the close third; rest and as well as a comfortable bed.

just as nanami turned around to see if you were still behind him, your phone unexpectedly rang. you lifted a quick finger at him as you fished it out of your pocket to answer. the device's caller id identified it as gojo making you roll your eyes. while you did count the man as one of your friends; being a sorcerer makes you feel some sort of connection to people who are in the same boat as you, no matter how annoying they are, and annoying gojo satoru was. going against your better judgement, you swiped your thumb across the screen to answer the call and pressed the cool material to your ear only to hear the white haired sorcerer greeting you with a voice that's too cheery for half past ten in the evening.

"moshi moshi [y/n]-chan~" he spoke through the line. "are my precious underclassmen safe and sound yet or do they need my help?"

and for the second time, you rolled your eyes. "hey gojo-san, me and nanami arrived at the hotel a few minutes ago. we're going to our rooms now." you informed him as nanami gestured that he already has the room keys and that you could already proceed to the elevators to get some much needed sleep.

"hmm, and is it as cold there as the news make it out to be?" he asks in a sing song voice, clearly entertained at your expense.

"yes. yes it is." you refused to give him a reaction you know he'll tease you with and opted to keep the conversation as short as possible. "do you have anything of substance to say, gojo-san? or can i hang up now. me and nanami are tired."

you heard him chuckle on the other end of the line. "nada, [y/n]-san. hope you enjoy your night with nanamin." there's a teasing tilt to the end of his goodbye that made you wish you never went out drinking with him because what happened was you were the only one that drank as he wasn't good at handling his alcohol. you didn't remember much of what happened that night, but when gojo enunciated the blond man's name every time he spoke it the next day, you knew you opened your mouth and spoke too much around gojo.

the elevator ride and the walk to your shared hotel room was quiet and uneventful. neither you nor nanami felt the need to plug up the comfortable silence with uncomfortable small talk. the time you uttered words to each other was when he pushed the door to the room open. "what the fuck?"

one bed.

at the center of the room, there was a single bed. it could fit two people, you're sure of that, but that didn't change the fact that there was one bed when there was supposed to be two.

staying in the same hotel room with nanami was enough to set your soul on fire by itself. sleeping in the same bed as him? you're certain you might melt into a puddle on the floor that nanami would hate to clean up.

"i knew it was a mistake trusting that dimwit." you heard the man next to you mutter, so you turned your head towards him for some sort of explanation because you were at a loss.

he looked at you, before looking away quickly as if in guilt or something else. you couldn't tell. "i may have asked gojo to handle our hotel reservations."

your eyes widened at once, a scream was building up your throat, you could feel it. the hot air from your lungs was slowly rising up, up, up, fueled by tension until it was in your mouth, "i'm sorry, you did what?" you screeched, but nanami had quick reflexes and pressed a hand on your mouth at once to muffle your words. "i apologize, [l/n]-san. i was busy at the time and didn't realize he would stoop this low."

you inhaled a deep breath and pried his hand off of your face. "'t's fine, nanami. i guess we all make mistakes sometimes." you shrugged at him, putting your luggage down and going through it to fetch a shirt that's two sizes too big for you as well as pajama pants. "it's real late," you glanced up at the clock, "i doubt we can get another room, and kicking up a fuss about this more than i already have is pointless." you told him. "lemme just take a quick shower, then the bathroom's all yours, yeah?"

normally, you would have asked him if he wanted to go first, but tonight, you deeply needed to gather yourself since your heart's already pounding out of your chest at the mere thought of spending the night laying in the same bed as him.

with a small bow, you walked past him and into the bathroom.

the hot water definitely did you some good, and so does the music you're listening to right now. you're able to keep calm laying in the neat white sheets with your eyes shut tight. when you hear a door open and close, you keep it that way, not wanting to break your concentration. however, that was impossible.

a clearing of the throat was heard, followed by a deep raspy voice. "[l/n]-san, the best course of action for tonight would be for me to sleep on the couch." your eyes snapped open and you sat up via their own accord. "i don't want to make you uncomfortable, and besides, this was my mistake. i am not going to burden you."

"it wouldn't be a burden!" you answer too fast. you shrank into the sheets in embarrassment. "i meant, we're both adults, nanami. i trust you. us sleeping in the same bed wouldn't make me uncomfortable. you don't have to worry about that.” you waved it off.

he raised an eyebrow, "and you're being honest? i don't want this to be another case of you being too polite." he started walking towards the bed as you nodded. "i'm sure nanami, it's perfectly fine with me, as long as it's perfectly fine with you.

he wasted no time after that, lifting the covers on the side you weren't on and shuffling into it. "thank you [l/n-san, i mean it. i was afraid that laying on the couch would hurt my back." he confessed making you laugh. "of course, nanami-san. you've never done anything to make me feel unsafe around you. let's have a good night's sleep, yes?"

the following morning, nanami found himself in a very unfamiliar position: him on his side with you snuggled in his chest, longing to absorb all the body heat from him that you could muster. and he has wintertime and gojo satoru of all things to thank for him being able to check off number one in his wishlist.

i get: reblog

you get: a prosperous new year

[asukaskerian]

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

🌀 this is the suburban ot4 summary that reads like a stupid book blurb but it's all i have atm :

Ichigo and Orihime were high school sweethearts and now they're a respectable young married couple with a suburban house and a child. They are sweet and loving and supportive and there is nothing missing in their life. Nope! Nothing.

Nelliel and Grimmjow sure as hell aren't married, and never mind being respectable in any way, but they managed to breed somehow so they're gonna have to deal with that. As soon as they manage to deal with being jobless and evicted.

Surely that pair of naive normies they had a pretty bad run-in with as teenagers are not going to be of any help, though... Wait... Huh. 

Oh.

🌧️ same fic!

Before they know it, it's the weekend. Nelliel and Grimmjow haven't been kicked out yet.

It's coming, she knows better than to think it's not, but so far nobody has brought it up again. 

"Because Princess is scared of confrontation and Hubby's coddling her," Grimmjow mutters. Nelliel scowls, but can't really refute that. She doesn't know them enough, for one thing.

"Or maybe they're just nice," she tries anyway, on principle.

He arches his eyebrow, and doesn't say 'isn't that what I just said?', but she hears it anyway. 

But he doesn't say it. 

Her shoulders slump; the fight goes out of her. "We can't count on that lasting," she mumbles, but really, she has no better idea than to keep being friendly and a good guest. It makes her feel less guilty, but only so much. 

"Who the fuck is counting on it?" Grimmjow shoots back, and sits at the other end of the futon, his back three-quarters turned away and just as slumped. 

He's about to go out and look for a job once again. Nelliel went out yesterday and the day before that to look into administrative solutions, financial aids, social services, but today's a Saturday. None of that will be open, and anyway they're missing so much damn paperwork; it'll take months at best to sort out. 

So far their best option is to play model guests and pray. 

"Worst thing is I like them," she can't help admitting. They're so damn sweet. It'd be easier if she had to put it on, if she didn't have to care that they're going to run out of pity at some point.

She's expecting a snappy retort, or an eyeroll, or a "I really don't", but Grimmjow doesn't say anything, just stands up all at once and goes looking for a fresher shirt. Her chest squeezes with -- something unpleasant, frustrated and off-balance, like she's being ignored. Abandoned. 

"Grim--"

"I know that."

His voice is so rough, it sounds like it should hurt his throat.

"I'm fucking trying, alright? Ain't gonna ruin this for you."

He's not looking at her, just digging into his suitcase with every muscle tight, twitchy movements like a leashed beast.

She has no idea how to sort that out. She just -- why does he keep missing the point, why does he make it sound like he's martyring himself, god, she fucking hates it. She stands, too, fists clenched. Watches his shoulders tense, watches him fail to turn to face her.

She works on her breathing. She's better than this; than always sniping. She wants to be, she knows she is, can be, it's so pleasant and, and normal to hang out with Orihime, like she was never a half-gaijin orphan dragged straight down to the underbelly of society, clinging as hard as she could to what should be. Like they're just two office ladies giggling over the coffee machine, two neighbors with matching little houses trading hair care tips and career advice. 

She wants to be calm, and fair, and happy.

Grimmjow pisses her off so much some days and the worst thing is, she knows it's a habit she has fallen into, taking things he says just a shade worse than he meant them because sometimes he does mean even worse than that. He's a foul-mouthed bastard who revels in stalking around scaring the normies, who takes people's disapproval as a reason to make them disapprove more, so she always expects it of him.

Now he exists like an animal in a trap, all desperate energy with nowhere to go and despair creeping in, and she did it; she trapped him.

"If it's going to be ruined," she says eventually, after several answers have come to her mind and been released, "then it was going to be ruined anyway. It's still a reprieve. You won't..." 

'You won't be the cause of it,' she almost says, but they both know she can't say that and mean it, so she swallows it back. 

"If I were alone it might last a few more days, but that's the same end result." She shrugs.

He's trying. She should... 

She feels kind of like shit that a part of her is surprised at how hard he's trying. She knows him well enough, she hoped enough, but another part is used to their old rhythms. There's something savagely free and so noble inside him that she wants to tear out of the defensiveness and the cynicism it's buried under. So they get together like a car crash; there are tender moments in the dark, little slices of terribly aching vulnerability, and then it builds up; she pushes him too much, too far out of his comfort zone and they break up. 

The break-up sex is always amazing. Then she's angry at herself for a while. Tells herself it's the last time she takes him back. Tells herself she was nosy and judgmental; no wonder he bailed. Tells herself next time she'll be more understanding, more patient. Tells herself he's not interested in getting over his shit and she shouldn't date projects. 

Tell herself it'll just be a hookup. 

And then he's wild and fun; neither of them ever says sorry, but they don't leave the party when the other one shows up, and then the next party they fuck, and then the next fuck they spend the night. Breaking up like a pressure valve before it gets too much, unsalvageable; not a real ending.

But they're not breaking up now. 

She wants to build him up, drag him back and away from the looming implosion; she doesn't know how. 

"... I'm going."

She wants to tell him good luck but that's going to sound doubtful, like he needs it. She wants to say she knows he can do it, he's smart and has plenty of skills; he'll hear it like a lie, or like a binding expectation. She wants...

She wants a hug.

She dredges up a smile into her voice, watching him walk through the door. "I'll massage your feet when you come back, yeah?"

He pauses in the corridor, glances over his shoulder, gives a faint, unexpected chuckle. "Oh, I'm gonna hold you to that."

[faislittlewhiteraven]

Fai's Fic Ramble: The GorseTale AU (bare basics)

Ever since roughly... 2017 I think, there been a single Undertale fanfic I've been tapping away at and though it's nowhere near done or even organised enough for me to think about posting chapter 1 on A03, I recently posted a spinoff fic related to it called Eight Coloured Picture about the deaths of all the fallen humans and how some monsters each time were effected by their passing, and well.

I wanna ramble about the main story that fic comes from for a bit!

So.

Working Title: 'Gorse, Blackthorn and Buttercups' I also call it GorseTale in my head for short since Gaijin Goombah's rather fun video on why Undertale's Golden Flowers are most likely Gorse was a HUGE inspiration for the fic back when I started out (it's er changed quiet a bit since then but I'm keeping the flower vibes because Chara likes them and I did way too much research into both practical and symbolic uses for plants in the Underground for this fic not to use at least some of it at some point XD).

Core premise: Story is a Slice of Life/Drama AU set around Frisk being born in the Underground and taken in by Toriel right around the time of 'Undertale canon' (for Undertale Yellow fans, roughly a year or so after Clover's death), and through a series of domino effects stemming from that, various monsters of the Underground are confronted with the flaws of both themselves and their kingdom, and as a result start putting in effort to try fixing things so the little human child they've become so attached to can actually live their life to the fullest without fear of being murdered just for being born a non monster.

Aka: Toriel and Sans experience the joys and terror of co-parenting a child who only survives past the age of 3 because they have phenomenal cosmic power. Papyrus discovers the Royal Guard is NOT in fact something he wants to join (and accidentally becomes politically active in an effort to right by his new nibbling). Undyne takes some time to really rethink her career path and motives. Alphys somehow manages to turn former mistakes into miracles (oh and cures death maybe). Mettaton learns to take time off and share the spotlight, and finally King Asgore gets a surprising amount of hope in encouraging peaceful rebellion against his own accidental dictatorship.

Main cast: Rotates a bit since every major monster (and Flowey) matters in this and who's most in focus depends on the exact arc but Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, Chara and Frisk are the ones who I have the most planned scenes for since well, they're where the 'domino effect' starts.

Ships: Fic is pretty gen for the most part but leaning Undyne/Alphys, Papyrus/Mettaton (who knew all Paps needed to become popular was to openly try convincing monster kind that killing all the humans is wrong in front of a very specific underground star XD), and some very very very slowburn Sans/Toriel (is teased throughout the story because Sans IS Frisk's other parent Sans just means 'Dad' in Frisk speak and I find various Monsters' "Wait Sans has a kid- Wait Sans is married?!" reactions hilarious (Paps giving 'context' to why he suddenly has a nibbling to Undyne especially) but actual, real Soriel doesn't happen until near the very end because Toriel is Not Ok, Sans leans AroAce/Demi and both agree that while the odd kiss, hug or 'real talk' is fine neither up for anything more than that right now. Also Toriel has yet to get a formal divorce and er, she can't even think of him for much of the fic without wanting to set him on fire so... Yeah). Also considering Mad Mewmew/Asgore (because funny but also oddly sweet), and Mettaton trying to get over a crush on Alphys at the start (due to Mettaton's Winter Alarmclock dialogue reframing all of Mettaton's actions in canon in a whole newlight for me), but for the most part romance really isn't a focus.

Things to set it apart from every other 'Frisk grows up in the Underground' fanfic:

A LOT of worldbuilding focus on stuff how monsters get food and materials.

Toriel teaching everyone how Monster society was before the War vs now (aka lots of cultural trauma themes here).

More emphasis on how little Monster society these days really knows about things they really should given their Kingdom's plans.

Sans 'timeline trauma' getting tossed out the window for joining Toriel in 'worried parent' stress (hard to be upset about LOADS when they're specifically stopping a toddler you love from getting murdered).

Papyrus accidentally making everything better just because for the sake of his nibblet he can't back down.

FLOWER SYMBOLISM AND DISCUSSING THE UNDERGROUND'S VERY IMPORTANT PLANT LIFE!

Undyne having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus.

Mettaton having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus (and a passing mention of Napstablook).

Alphys not being fired post Amalgamite reveal making her realize she has in fact actually kinda created the cure for death (by 'Falling Down') or at the very least is only maybe three steps away from that and actually works on that alongside a bunch of other stuff with other scientists because working alone sucked.

Lots of focus on the humans who fell before Frisk because their lives mattered! and also the Blue Soul was Kris because damn if I don't feel the need to really hammer in Toriel's trauma caused by Asgore here

NarraChara and Napstablook being ghost buddies =D they suck at it but Chara will take literally anyone who can hear them for company and Napstablook feels bad about that

Snowdin being secretly a hub of human sympathisers! (None of them knew they weren't the only ones).

MONSTER RADIO and ANIME/WESTERNS ON TV!

Tems and the Riverperson mattering while still being true to their very weird selves!!!

Asgore learning that he DOES in fact have a lot of influence and that maybe, juuust maybe, that his screw ups were worse for his Kingdom than he already thought (don't worry Asgore fans, despite my having to write a lot of Asgore grr due to Toriel being a major character, saving him and showing how much he loves his people is a major goal of mine &lt;3). He still f%cked up majorly though XD

Frisk dealing with, well, the stress of growing up in a place that says their death would make everyone (except their immediate loved ones) happy and constantly having to live in hiding/disguise...

Flowey being a murderous little shit but also not having reset power and both Frisk and Chara in his life again.

Undertale Yellow and Deltarune characters! Who probably won't be in focus a lot but they've helped me out a ton for fleshing the out my setting so I will 100% be giving them at least a little screen time to make up for that (like Amalgamate Kanako playing with Frisk, and Martlet and Noelle being VERY interesting in Papyrus's 'Lets not kill the humans' movement for reasons our main characters will eventually learn &lt;3).

Oh and a huge amount of 'Unseen in game' areas I made for the Underground which include:

SnowDen: a 'town' of Dog and Rabbit made tunnels underneath the ENTIRE Snowdin region (connects to every dog sentry post, the 'Toby Fox secret area' and the 'very efficiently laid out' travel tunnels seen in canon Undertale). Generally requires those living there to get through given how winding and confusing the tunnels can get (all guideposts are puzzles made with scent markers...).

TooHot: basically a 'lethal lava land' housing district for fire monsters below general Hotland. Predates the Wat and is too hot for most non fire monsters to go anywhere near (the current name was given by Asgore though).

Cliffstop: a 'thin' vertical crevice monsters in New Home unearthed a while back that goes from from all the way to the very top of Mt Ebott down to the dark of the Abyss below (locals there call the top of the area Clifftop and the lowest safe for travel Cliffdrop). Gets a fair bit of sun and has flying room so it's popular with plant and flying monsters but the cliffs are very unstable so the bottom is covered in rope nets to prevent accidents. Most puzzles about the place are moving rope bridges, loading up vertical conveyer belts with the correct weights and 'light and mirror' puzzles.

Riverfolk Waterway and True Tem Village: settlements hidden deep within Waterfall's 'unreachable in canon' winding waterways. The former is a small inlet where 'Riverfolk' monsters like the Riverperson have a small collection of boathouses they dock at, and the later is exactly what is sounds like, with the 'Temmie Village' we see in canon being merely a Temmie trading outpost. Can accessed only by Riverperson boat or the Temmie's secret tunnels and is home to all sorts of cool things like the Temmie 'Colleg' and 'DEEP HISTORY mUSEEum'~ XD

WebbInn 'the Spider district': Mostly a giant communal spider web hanging Hotland's ceiling but also connected to a tunnel that goes up near Mt Ebbot's peak (the spiders have been digging upwards in hopes of getting a 'sunspot' they can use to advertise their 'sweet little town' to tourists). Has a... Very distinctive culture compared to the rest of the Underground and the 'puzzles' there tend towards being 'social' in nature (aka fey logic games where how you speak and act gets you directed every which way).

Starlite Strip: A little connecting area right underneath the path/cliff Monster Kid and Frisk see the castle while travelling through Waterfall in Undertale Canon. Not a big settlement on its own but something of a trading hub for monsters from New Home and the surrounding areas in Waterfall to buy and sell goods (also has a LOT of Royal Guard presence which is why absolutely no one in Undertale recommends it to the very human Frisk). Very sparkly but in a gentle 'crystals, glowing water and fire flies' kinda way.

And... Yeah. Wanna post a full script of what I've got planned so far but this post is already massive so will do that in a bit.

Will say though that the general ending plan for this fic arguably goes full fix fic with:

12-14 year old Frisk comes out as human publicly and goes through the entire Underground arguing their case (something the Underground has been publicly debating for the last 10 years or so thanks to a very motivated Papyrus and a wanting more ratings + genuinely interested Mettaton).

Undyne attempts to kill them but well, she's only going all out because she and Paps had a deal about this (he vowed that he'd defend any innocent human from her killing them so she could still go all out at her job) and Frisk knows that.

Mettaton gets to do THE biggest and most historically important interview in the Underground's history.

Asgore declares that the Underground will try out this whole 'everyone in the kingdom votes' thing on both the upcoming war and how they will treat humans living here because he wants to make sure he's doing what his people want (Mettaton asks what Asgore will vote but Asgore, finally realizing his own influence, refuses to say).

Asgore and Frisk spend a nice, if slightly nervously time together drinking tea and talking about the future while the votes are being counted. (Toriel and others may join them but mostly this is Asgore getting to know... the last of Toriel's adopted children she told him about the others when she asked for a divorce).

Monsters choose wisely because for all this fic is 'Monsters are flawed too!' they are good people and I want to make that clear <3

Cue Frisk publically trying to help break the barrier while being very alive...

Flowey pulling a 'God of Hyper Death' except well, he, Frisk and Chara maaay have discussed a bit of this beforehand (Flowey did want the souls and this would get him them), so er, the fight might be a touch more mixed with genuine anger and playfulness. Note: Still working out the exacts.

The human SOULs get brought back to life as monsters while Flowey gets a SOUL of his own and Chara gets enough magical matter to be visible to people other than Frisk (it required less waste of the accumulated magic, the soul of an additional human another girl falling into the Ruins was what got Frisk deciding to come out actually, the kids using a bunch of Alphys' furthered research on the interplay between Determination, matter and Dust, and breaking down the dead humans' bodies for enough 'compatible matter' to work with, and the destruction and repurposing of the Barrier but hey! Back to life! Or arguably Chara's case an upgrade to proper ghost-hood). Oh and the Amalgamates that want it are safely separated but not sure if that's a 'before no' thing or a 'here in this big finale' thing~ XD

And yeah. That's all of my 'extra happy ending just because I can' stuff the entire fic eventually builds towards. Will post all my planned scenes/'domino effect planning' some other time but for now I'm done.

If you liked any ideas in this feel free to use them please (I'm a slow ass writer and I write what I want to see more of in the world XD) and er, hope this was a fun ramble to read <3

[compacflt]

f-15 user manual got leaked on the war thunder forums and i immediately thought of you. by the way, i've thought about your fic every single day since i've read it.

I KNOW THERE’VE BEEN LIKE 5 WAR THUNDER INCIDENTS THIS WEEK LOL!! & someone posted that they had to be a character witness for their friend who was trying to get a job with Raytheon and one of the questions literally was “does your friend play war thunder?” bc of the history of classified leaks lmfao. Like gaijin is a natsec threat. it also happened to the f-16 (because apparently the war thunder f-16 flies like a brick compared to the real f-16, so the real f-16 specs got leaked to prove it) and…… and…… the RUSSIAN SU-57. aka their super classified supposedly fifth-gen fighters that we now know to be pieces of shit because of leaks like this one. knowing what we know now: of COURSE maverick fucked up 2 su-57s in a 40 year old f-14.

thank you for thinking of me!!! It means so much <3

[gotham-ruaidh]

One line, one fic

rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line, and share it! Then tag 10 people.

I was tagged by @theawkwardterrier -- thanks!

I tag: @liusaidh-writing @courageousjs @lady-o-ren and whoever else wants to participate!!

**Click on the bolded name of the story to read the whole thing! This was fun!

---

Shades: And then, nine sessions in, as he mixed his pigments to create the perfect shade of blue, she quietly opened up to him.

Gaijin: “My hotel is just next door – follow me.”

Cineres cineribus, pulverem pulveri: Was this purgatory, then? For all his sins? Was this his sentence - living a life without her?

Glen Rowan Cross: Was there anything she wouldn’t do for him?

Basia Mille: “Why am I cursed to not raise my own children? To - to have them raised by Englishmen, in foreign lands?”

Tell Me About Your Family: Jamie scooted closer and framed William’s face with his hands. “Do ye understand me, lad? I canna regret any of it. I canna look back and wish it were different. Because had it been different, I wouldna have you. And I would never, ever wish that away.”

Uitlander: I know I’ve said this to you in previous letters, but here, at the bottom of the world, I’ve found my place.

A Thousand Small Acts of Service: I don’t know if I meant those words when I said them to Jamie. I know now that he meant them with all of his heart, even if my heart was not ready or willing to accept them. But I do know, Frank, that there is much more to a marriage than words said to each other in a church.

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be: “I won’t lie to you, Claire – you’re a beautiful woman, even with the dark circles under your eyes. Maybe six months ago I would have pulled you into my dressing room and had my way with you. But there’s a reason why I’m here. I can’t be that man anymore."

Let Us Not Talk Falsely Now (Vietnam AU):

“Will I ever see you again?”

He swallowed, thumbs caressing the apples of her cheeks.

“You have a husband.”

“I don’t love him.”

He swiped her tears away. “But you’re still his.”

“I’m yours,” she insisted. Fierce.

“It’s not right.”

“I don’t care.”

[sybilius]

i MUST hear about the derangement

>:) that document is more of a dumping ground for my unmoored soppy thoughts about some kind of interesting reality where Jay and Okada have positive interactions -- it has a good chance of never going anywhere because I am extremely attached to where Lepak left off in our little fic dialogue about their dynamic (Okada just brushing him off because he has No Room in His Life for him especially after all that's said and done between them--)

But that said, god do I find the dynamic of Ace4Ace slotted into specific wrestling trope roles, still connected despite that, to be so utterly and completely captivating. In my original piece which was just written about the WK match, I had Okada written as having a peculiar affection for Jay in spite of them being enemies. In the backwatch I'm doing right now, wow does that ever make sense because fighting back against Jay was what pulled Okada out of his "balloon Okada" slump. Is Jay a ratfuck bitch? absolutely. but the odd gratitude for the villain that pushed you back to your best + the yearning over a connection that might have been had you not both been destined to play out the roles of golden boy and gaijin heel....... augh they make me insane.

anyways for your trouble for reading all that, here's my favourite "I have no idea when or how this happens but it is cute" interaction from the derangement doc:

[mechanicalinertia]

STMPD Recommends Bubblegum Crisis Fanfiction: The Works of Jeanne Hedge

Ho ho ho ho ho, it's time to bring out an easy recommendation, or rather a series of recommendations, one I'm honestly surprised I haven't done before.

I mean, come on. It's Jeanne Hedge, baby. She didn't write much longer stuff compared to Innpchan or Ben Hutchins, but she wrote really good, really focused stuff. Moreover, the record of the sheer number of 90's-era fic writers who reference her suggest that she was the Carrie Fisher of alt.fan.bgcrisis, a real script doctor for everyone. Whatta character. Pity she died from pneumonia in 2020 - I would have loved to invite her to the more modern corners of BGC fandom, like the subreddit and the discord. Learn from the old masters, yeah? Yeah.

Here's Hedge's old website. For the more convenience-minded among us, here's her FF.net page.

So: Hedge. Sysop of a CompuServe anime and manga forum from 1985 to 2005. Mod for the old Fanfiction Mailing List. Moderator for the fanfiction panel at Anime Central (ACEN) from 2001-2006. In other words, a superfan from a time when Crunchyroll was a ripping site, Funimation wasn't Sony's pawn, when anime was an eccentricity among eccentricities on the old 'World Wide Web'. Incredible, no?

Oh, yeah, and she was a pretty good writer, too! Her writing style isn't particularly fancy, and her topics are usually more light-hearted explorations of the series save for two instances. We'll go through the short stuff first, then the two biggies.

Dear Mom: Not even two thousand words, a gag where some gaijin girl is living in an office building across the way from the LADYS633 and is navigating dealing with the locals while hunting for an apartment. The punchline is that it takes place between OVA 8 and Crash, so of course she sees the Knight Wing launch from the building, and when she brings it up at the LADYS big reopening party, Sylia is all 'whatever are you talking about' and promptly makes sure this woman gets an apartment across the city. "You'd almost think they couldn't wait to get me away from here!" is what's said in the last bit, which is funny as hell. Written, apparently, on a dare.

We Just Want To Help You: Jeanne is transported to what appears to be the BGC Universe, but is, in fact, not. Her attempts to convince Sylia otherwise don't go well. Another one-note gag, but in my mind not as funny as the other one.

Spin Cycle: Linna's power goes out, she needs to do some laundry, goes to a laundromat with a laundry-dispensary Boomer, said Boomer goes rampant and starts terrorizing people, Linna must evade the Boomer and help other customers. Short, silly, charming, and does a nice job of outlining the wider world of Megatokyo, the normalcy of life in the world's mightiest megacity, where clothes still need to be cleaned.

10 Questions: This is a weird one, since it's one of Priss's great-grandchildren asking her about an interview with her she found in the attic. Ten easy questions about what happened to Priss in her public life - the Reps broke up, she started a new band, she started a record company that eventually got to sign Vision, she lost both her legs during the last great Boomer Rampage - hold on, wait, what the fuck?

Yeah, despite Hedge saying in an afterword that she wanted this to be the fic where Priss got to have nice things, she still loses her legs, Linna, and Sylia. The last quarter of the fic, in fact, is her just musing about all the different choices she could have made when Sylia pulled her over back during the fateful night played out in Asu E Touchdown... and I think it's implied Sylia, in the end, walked into GENOM Tower with a suitcase nuke. So... happiness? Even then, it's an elusive thing...

Okay, that's the small stuff. The warmup. Now for the big 'uns.

Into The Shadows: Probably Hedge's most famous work, 19K words detailing, from multiple perspectives, the origins of the Knight Sabers, from Dr. Raven talking Sylia into recruiting other members, to those other members being recruited, and so on. It was cowritten with Andy Skuse of Raven's Garage, which... is kind of a detriment to its quality? I've been rereading Skuse's own multichapter epic, Bubblegum Cross, and it's Not Very Good. I'll probably review it soon.

Anyway, it's part mess of flashbacks, part training montage, part this, that, and the other. Each chapter is fairly short - shorter than I would have written, in all honesty - but there's a good bit where Nene is cool with her EW, where even Linna is scared for a short bit, where Priss is as violent and unhinged as you'd expect her to be. The characterization is really on point here, I think, at least for a certain rendering of the Sabers in their early days. I quite like this one.

True Love: Priss can't catch a break, can she? In canon or in fanon. I mean, holy shit, this fuckin' piece. It's good, but... damn.

It's mostly, Priss's story, a bridge between Crisis and Crash in the darkest sense. See, she's trying to finally get the Reps signed, right? Reasonable, even if the sleazy-producer cliche is coming into play even before Priss's stint at idoldom in Crash. It's not going well. She gets forced into a bad contract by 'Oomori-san' (geddit?) someone's stalking her - and then said stalker shoots her in the throat. Her voice is gone (explaining the change in voice to Ryoko Tachikawa in Crash), she's in protective custody, and... ugh. Look, I don't want to go any further, because probably the best way to describe this fic is a) disturbing (stalkers are creepy people!) and b) depressing (Everyone's mental state gets seriously altered by what's going on here). The other part of the bridge from Crash is that Nene kills said stalker, just picks him up in her Motoslave and drops him into the canyons, and that's kind of the lead-in to her being much more aggressive in Crash as well.

I don't want to spoil more, because this is a 'darkfic' in the best way, a deeply, perfectly uncomfortable way. It's the way that best shows what Hedge was capable of as a writer, and why her death was a tragedy in the truest sense. Read any or all of these, because they're all excellent.

[the-kipsabian]

tell me about your day/week!! do you have any plans? + what's a fic/chapter you're really proud of? + if kip was an animal, what would he be!!

hiiii miloooo!! 💜

ive been cleaning the past three days!! just a good whole deep cleaning of the whole apartment as i have a condition check up tomorrow morning, and depression has been very out of hand so everythings been a mess lol. but its all clean now and im so proud!!

as for plans for this week, tomorrow is baka gaijin and friends live stream day!! so i get to enjoy that live <3 wednesday is payday so i was hoping to hit the town to get some stuff i need, meds, a new charger cord for my phone and some clothes! thennn i think im free until saturday when its game day, so we get together with friends for some ttrpgs <3

oh my goodness, i love everything related to immortal fears.... tho i think "its not what i want but its what i need" might be the best one ive done?? (tho im also very fond of "the moment" <3) but it was just one of those things that i wanted to write for the story for the longest time since the ideas for immortal fears started, and im ngl it did make me emotional reading through it again after writing it so. its very special to me <3

andddd kip would be a cat!! he loves boxes too much not to be a cat! HOWEVER i have had some very compelling arguments made that he might also be a chicken so... either works!

[adrianelinerush]

[fic][MaNo] : Sawadhee-ka (2012)

522 words. Bahasa Indonesia. Publish Nov 23, 2012.

Jam sebelas. Waktu seakan berjalan lambat sekali. Mano kembali asyik dengan ponsel di tangannya, mengasingkan diri ke dunia maya, berusaha membunuh waktu. Seperti penumpang-penumpang lain di kabin bus dua lantai tersebut, sampai pada akhirnya seseorang menyapa, "khopkhunka," dan duduk di sebelahnya. Ah, pikir Mano, teman seperjalanannya.

Ketika bus mulai bergerak dari terminal menuju jalan raya, wanita muda di sisi kanan kursinya tampaknya tidak tahan untuk tidak mengajak bicara. Maka melantunlah kalimat-kalimat asing dari mulutnya, yang Mano yakin betul pasti basa-basi perkenalan. "I'm sorry, I don't speak Thai," sahut Mano sambil memaksakan senyum. Mudah-mudahan dengan memberitahu wanita ini bahwa dia adalah gaijin di negerinya, maka wanita itu akan tutup mulut.

Dan memang benar, wanita itu tersenyum sambil menundukkan kepala, sapaan "khopkhunka" terdengar lagi dan tidak ada lagi yang mengajak Mano bicara sampai bus dua tingkat tersebut tiba di Ayutthaya.

Mano benci negara ini.

Mano benci bahasanya, aksaranya, cuacanya, makanannya. Kenapa orang-orang Thailand ini aksennya aneh sekali, seperti tertahan di hidung, melengking seperti Bahasa Cina? Mano benci melihat tulisan-tulisan serupa cacing dimana-mana, billboard iklan, penunjuk jalan, instruksi keamanan taksi, sampai bungkus makanan. Mano benci dengan teriknya matahari di negeri tropis tersebut. Yang setiap hari memanggangnya tanpa ampun, membuat pakaiannya lengket melekat ke badan dan es dalam gelas minuman yang dipesannya meleleh dalam hitungan menit. Mano benci dengan makanan negara ini, yang kalau bukan terlalu asam maka terlalu pedas, yang rempah-rempahnya tajam menusuk membuat indra pengecapnya kebas. Belum lagi lolongan anjing setiap malam yang mengganggu nyenyak tidurnya, membuat Mano terpikir memesan senapan lalu menembaki mereka satu per satu.

Nohara Karasuma yang sedang berjalan di boulevard berpavling bata, menemukan seekor kucing liar berwajah sombong, belang abu-abu dan hitam melintas dan entah kenapa mukanya mengingatkannya dengan Arjuna Dharma Saputra. MaNo mendadak kesal dan menggebas kucing itu. Kucing tersebut melengkungkan punggung, mengeong kaget, lantas lari terbirit-birit.

Nohara Karasuma puas. Tapi kekesalannya belum surut. Kucing bukan lawan sepadan, oh, sama sekali tidak sepadan! Mengusir satu kucing mana mungkin cukup meredakan kedongkolannya.

Dari sekian banyak laki-laki berwajah feminin yang tersebar di Shiroi Gakuin kenapa dirinya yang ketiban sial didamprat gaijin kurang ajar itu. Bukan salahnya terlahir CANTIK, sebagaimana--MaNo yakin-- pasti bukan pilihannya juga Arjuna lahir dengan kulit hitam seperti pinggiran kulit roti begitu!

Dipikir-pikir, aneh juga sekolah putra yang namanya Shiroi Gakuin itu, kenapa seperti sekolah artis saja. Sembilan puluh persen siswa yang diterima disana berwajah diatas rata-rata, nyaris semuanya bishonen... apa sesama orang cantik punya gaya tarik menarik?

Dirinya yang menurutnya cantik pun jadi tenggelam diantara 'kecantikan-kecantikan' yang lain, ibarat pepatah: "hilang kilap dalam kemilau".

Satu lagi anehnya, dari sebegitu banyak pemuda berwajah diatas rata-rata kenapa banyak yang terjebak hubungan terlarang sesama jenis, padahal sister school, Lily Academy tidak seberapa jauh letaknya dari Shiroi Gakuin. Jangan-jangan nona-nona muda dari sekolah sebelah takut mengirim surat cinta gara-gara sudah gentar duluan dengan kecantikan siswa-siswa shiroi gakuin? Atau justru cemburu, mencemburui kecantikan para pemuda yang tersebar di seantero sekolah? Wuih, bicara begini mengingatkannya dengan lagak Tokio Yamada, teman seangkatannya yang.... aneh.

Nohara Karasuma mengibaskan rambut. Wah tapi bagaimana ya, memang ada kalanya cantik itu dosa.

Tapi aku lulus dari sekolah putra itu dan sekarang kartu identitasku pun tidak menunjukkan bahwa genderku laki-laki. MaNo mendesah panjang.

Mau menyesal juga sudah terlambat. Terapi hormonnya sudah setengah jalan menuju akhir, tahun ajaran depan dia toh akan masuk universitas... dengan identitas baru.

[debbiechanclub]

Hit Me Like Bang (and Now I'm Never Looking Back), Part 2

A "Take My Hands, Wreck My Plans" fic

Pairings: David Finlay x OFC / past!Jay White x OFC Word Count: 11k Warnings: Language; alcohol use; radioactive levels of angst but also fluff; and a little smidge of smut so 18+

On the road to Dominion, Nellie's past and present converge to solidify the truth of what's been in front of her all along.

TMHWMP Timeline | Masterlist

Read it on AO3

A/N: Herein is the end of Nellie's story, and I am emotional :') Don't worry―there are more prequels forthcoming that will go more into her previous relationships and how she got here, but this is her happy ending.

One small note: there's quite a bit of flashback scenes in this chapter, and they're not in chronological order to each other, so pay attention to the dates. That said, this fic and Nellie truly are my baby, and thank you for coming on this two-plus-year journey with me. I hope you enjoy reading her story just as much as I've enjoyed creating it for you <3

tags: @aussiearrow @cowboyslariat @knifepervert @sldghmmr @cardblade @missbrownstone @meteora-fc @bec0m @thatgirlforever5 @rocca09 @aussiespam

Friday, April 14, 2023 Tokyo, Japan

It took about seven minutes bell-to-bell for Nellie to dispose of Mariah May in their title match at Korakuen Hall. She hadn’t even broken a sweat. But she’d anticipated short work. She’d already planned to make up for it in her backstage comments.

“Alright, I’ll make sure this is short and sweet just like that match,” she started as she stepped in front of the camera. “Do you see this title?” She held up the championship in her hand. “I have been the SWA World Champion since May fifth of last year. Twenty-twenty-two. That is three hundred and forty-five days, just twenty days short of an entire year. And no one here at World Wonder Ring Stardom seems to give a shit about it, or the verifiable fact that I am the only person in history to hold this title more than once!

“But here’s the thing: I know exactly why they don’t care. Because I’m a gaijin. Never mind that I’ve been dedicated to this company since twenty-eighteen; that I’ve lived in Japan for over three years, through a fucking pandemic; that I’ve learned the language. Apparently, none of that matters, because I’m still not from here. I’m still an outsider. And God forbid a gaijin become the face of Stardom, so what do they do? They hold me in place with this title that they clearly don’t give a shit about and allow me to defend it once a quarter. And Mariah May?” She scoffed. “Do you know how many times I’ve already beaten Mariah in title matches? Tonight makes three, and the other two were in her home country for the RevPro Undisputed British Women’s Championship. So please, someone enlighten me: if Mariah May couldn’t get it done against me in her home country, why the fuck did anyone think she stood a chance against me here, in Korakuen of all places? I might be from Philly, but Tokyo is my home. Stardom is my home. The Stardom dojo beat me down, built me back up, and turned me into the joshi I am today, and in return I made history. And I refuse to be held in place any longer.

“Saya Kamitani. You’ve made history, too. We have history. Because see, everyone associates you with Hayashishita-san and me with Torrance—but you and I were partners first. We were Goddess of Stardom champions together. We’re both champions now. And at All Star Grand Queendom, I want you in a winner takes all match for my SWA World Championship, and your Wonder of Stardom Championship. And it’ll be a gaijin from Philadelphia who puts an end to your history-making reign.”

And with that she walked off camera, the gauntlet thrown.

* * * *

Sunday, October 30, 2022 Tokyo, Japan

Nellie was in good spirits. She was fresh off defending her SWA World Championship against Mayu Iwatani in New York City. Halloween was tomorrow, and David had come over for a horror movie marathon. He’d brought takeout from her favorite sushi place and a six-pack of Sapporo. She intended to tell him how she felt. And she couldn’t have been more nervous.

“Is everything alright?” he casually asked. “It seems like something’s on your mind.”

She brought her feet up to sit cross-legged on the couch and pulled her soft checkered fleece blanket over her lap. Of course he could tell something was on her mind—it was David. He paid attention. He was perceptive; emotionally mature. It was one of the many, many things that drew her to him, something that set him apart from most guys she’d been involved with in the past. And now, after her few days away, she knew for certain.

“Yeah… I, um,” she started. “I just guess I realized something when I was in New York.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“Well,” she stalled, nervous. But there was no turning back now—and she didn’t want to. “I went out with a few people after the show, and… Kyle Fletcher kissed me. But all it did was make me realize that I have feelings for someone else.”

David wasn’t looking at her as she said it, queuing up the first movie on her TV. And Nellie quickly started to overthink, worried that maybe he’d focus on the fact that Kyle had kissed her and not what she was trying to tell him—

 But then the corner of his mouth quirked up. “Oh, yeah? Who’s the lucky guy?”

He glanced at her as he set down the remote. She pursed her lips at him. “Are you seriously gonna make me say it?”

“I kind of want you to, yeah.”

She bit back a grin. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she worried he could hear it. “Well… I don’t know how he feels, so I’m kind of nervous to.”

“Well, let me clear things up for you, then…” David said, and he pulled her in and kissed her. Nellie melted into him. His lips were soft, his kiss slow and sweet, and the way he cradled her head in his hands felt natural, as if they’d done this a thousand times before. And she already knew she wanted to do it a thousand times more.

He pulled back from her lips but still held her close. “I’ve been wanting to do that for the last three months,” he said.

 She grinned. “You have?”

“Yeah. And since we’re talking about it… I wasn’t sure how you felt. Sometimes it seemed like you were still hung up on Jay.”

Nellie sighed and leaned back into the couch. Admittedly, he wasn’t entirely wrong.

“Honestly, at the start of the summer, I was still hung up on him. And I think it was because I never got any definite closure when we broke up, and so when he showed up out of nowhere at Dontaku it did feel like there was still something there between us. And he made it seem like there was, too, which didn’t help at all. But then you came back for the G1, and we reconnected, and genuinely—you’ve put in more effort over the last three months than Jay ever put into our entire relationship. And that really put things into perspective for me. But then it was complicated, too, because I know how close you and Jay used to be, and sometimes I worried that getting involved with you after him would look… I don’t know… messy? As stupid as that sounds.”

“No, I get it,” David nodded. “No matter how you and Jay left things, there was a point in time when you cared about him, so of course you wouldn’t want to throw salt in a wound. I mean, there was a point in time when I cared about him, too; he was my best friend. But it’s not like you and Jay just broke up, and he and I aren’t as close as we used to be, either.” He reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear; Nellie’s skin tingled at his touch. “Besides… technically I went out with you first, anyway.”

She mirrored his grin. He wasn’t wrong about that, either. David had gone out with her first, on an awkward date back in 2017, the first time Nellie had ever set foot in Japan. Back before she’d met Zack, or Riley, or Kyle, or ever gotten involved with Jay—David had been first. But she hadn’t seen it then.

“Not technically—you did,” she confirmed. “And lately I’ve wondered how different things would be if I’d given you a chance back then.”

“Nah,” he returned with a shake of his head. “I was a clown back then; I don’t blame you for not giving me a chance. Plus, I’ve come to believe that everything meaningful happens when it’s supposed to.” He smiled to himself. “I was actually planning on telling you how I felt tonight. But you beat me to it.”

Nellie’s smile widened. “Oh yeah?”

He nodded. “Yeah. So, I guess I owe Kyle Fletcher a beer for kissing you and helping you figure shit out.”

“Ha!” she laughed, and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, and she snuggled into him, moving the blanket so that he was underneath it, too. It felt right—a perfect fit. And as David pressed play on the first movie, Nellie knew in her heart that this was when it was all supposed to fall into place, and not a moment sooner.

* * * *

“God, you are a sight for sore eyes.”

Nellie smiled at David through her phone screen. It was only a few days ago that he’d left, and he’d only be gone a few days more, working Capital Collision in Washington, D.C., and then Collision in Philadelphia before flying right back to Tokyo—to her. But Nellie already felt the ache of his absence.

“You have no idea how bad I wish you were here right now.” She settled back into her bed pillows, getting comfortable. “I have some pent-up energy that could really use working out.”

David grinned, crooked and handsome. It didn’t help her situation. “I know you do. I just watched your backstage comments.”

She waited, expecting him to say something more, wanting him to. After all, his opinion was the one that mattered most to her. “And?” she impatiently pressed.

“And it took everything in me not to share the video wherever I could,” he said. “I’m proud of you, babe. You already deserved that match; I don’t see how they can’t give it to you now.”

The ache in Nellie’s core deepened. But so did the warmth in her heart. “Thanks, babe. I’m hoping it’ll be official by tomorrow, but… we’ll see.”

“Do you have a match tomorrow?”

She laughed shortly to herself; the expression on her face said it all. “Yeah… a best two out of three falls eight-woman tag match. Me, Tam, Poi, and Mina against Donna del Mondo. It’s the main event.”

“Shit,” David commented before she’d even finished. “That’s gonna be charged.”

“Tell me about it,” she lowly returned. And then, “Thekla thinks I should take the opportunity to leave Cosmic Angels.”

“I was just about to say. It’s the perfect opportunity, isn’t it?”

She drew in a hesitant breath. “Potentially? Actually, if the Cosmic Angels-Club Venus shit finally hits the fan like I expect it to, it probably will be the perfect opportunity. I could just say they’re too dysfunctional and walk out. That’s exactly how I left Queen’s Quest.”

“Then I say do it,” David returned. “You’d be better served somewhere other than Cosmic Angels, I know you would. You know you would.”

“I do know I would,” she agreed. “I’m just… I don’t know. Worried about hurting people’s feelings even though I know I shouldn’t be.”

“Torrance will be fine,” David dismissed; it went without saying that she meant her. “She has Mariah and Mina.”

“No shit,” Nellie breathed. “They’re three peas in a pod these days. Which doesn’t really surprise me… Torr and Mariah are basically the same person in slightly different fonts.” David laughed at that. “Well, it’s true!” she doubled down.

“No, it is,” he nodded. “But I could always just say you’re Bullet Club, too. I’m sure that would get the point across to Tam.”

A grin spread over Nellie’s face. It felt inevitable that she would be Bullet Club, and sooner rather than later. But he’d reminded her. “Speaking of Bullet Club, are you gonna tell me who Riley’s replacement is yet?”

He smirked and shook his head. “No. That’s privileged information.”

Her eyebrows arched. “And I’m not privileged to it? I’m your girlfriend!”

“You’ll find out tomorrow,” he assured her. “Don’t worry—it’s someone you like. I can’t have anyone in Bullet Club who doesn’t get along with my girl.”

“Well, there’s some people you need to kick out, then,” she returned—just as she heard a knock-knock-knock on the front door of her apartment. She glanced toward the sound in confusion. David noticed.

“What?”

“Someone just knocked on my door.”

He looked confused then. “Isn’t it almost 10 p.m. there?” he asked. But Nellie was already pulling up the live feed from her video doorbell—and she saw a familiar figure.

“It’s Torr.” She sighed. Something told her she wasn’t just dropping by.

“I guess you should go, then,” David figured. Nellie’s brow furrowed.

“Probably. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” he gently said. “I should probably get going myself, and you two are overdue for a talk.”

“Yeah… because I don’t want to have it,” she muttered.

David smirked. “Go, babe. I’ll talk to you later.”

She pouted. “Okay. See you soon,” she returned—and before they disconnected, she almost said it. I love you. She knew she did. But she wanted the first time she told him to be in person.

She left her phone in her bedroom and padded down the hall to the front door. She unlocked and opened it just as Torrance was getting ready to knock again. She quickly put her hand down, almost as if she was surprised Nellie had answered.

“Hey.” Torrance took in her appearance—pajamas on, makeup off. Her brow furrowed. “You weren’t in bed, were you?”

“Well, technically,” Nellie returned. “But I was talking with David.”

Torrance’s frown deepened. “Oh. I’m sorry, I should have texted—”

“No, it’s fine,” Nellie dismissed, and she opened the door wider so she could come inside. Torrance hesitated for a beat before she crossed the threshold. It was odd. They both had keys to each other’s apartments; it used to be that Torrance would just let herself in without so much as a knock. But a lot had changed over the last three months.

“What’s up?” Nellie asked as she shut the door. She noticed that Torrance was dressed for a night out in a shiny pink miniskirt and white bustier tank top, her hair and makeup done to perfection. And again, Torrance hesitated.

“Um, well,” she started with a bit of a nervous laugh. “I actually came over here to ask if you wanted to come out with us, but—”

“Who’s ‘us’?”

Torrance bit her lip. “Me, Mariah, and Mina.”

Nellie couldn’t help her laugh. “You’re joking, right?”

Torrance’s expression turned stony. “No, actually, I’m not.”

“Torr,” Nellie breathed out. “Come on. I literally just beat Mariah in a title match and then talked shit about her, you really think either of us want to hang out with each other?”

“Well, Mariah’s willing to put that aside because she knows you’re my best friend,” Torrance returned. She looked down at her hands. “And I feel like we’ve barely seen each other since… well, since the Triangle Derby started.”

So, since Club Venus became a thing, Nellie wanted to say. But she figured it wouldn’t help. “Because we haven’t,” she regretfully returned. “But it’s not intentional. You’ve just been doing your thing with Mariah and Mina, and I’ve been doing mine with Tam and Poi. Or I was. And I know I sort of went off into my own little world when David came back, so…”

Torrance looked back up at her. “Yeah, so are you and him…?”

“Together? Officially?” Nellie finished. “Yeah, we are,” she confirmed, and the mood lightened a bit. Torrance smiled.

“Took long enough.”

Nellie breathed a laugh. “I know. But I think it happened right when it was supposed to.”

“No, I think so, too,” Torrance agreed. “He’s good for you, I can tell. You’ve carried yourself differently ever since he came back; more confident.”

“Thanks,” Nellie genuinely returned. She’d noticed that change in herself, too. David was good for her. He was good to her. And she wasn’t the only one who’d changed. “You’ve been more confident with Club Venus, too.”

Torrance looked down again, the corners of her mouth turned up, almost as if she was bashful to hear that Nellie had noticed. “Yeah, they’ve really helped me come into my own. Mina really pushes me. And I don’t know… it just feels like we’re all on equal footing.”

Nellie nodded in understanding. “Unlike when we were a tag team?”

Torrance frowned again. “I wasn’t trying to imply—”

“No, I get it,” Nellie assured her. And she did get it. After she and Torrance had won the 2021 Goddesses of Stardom Tag League, throughout their entire reign as Goddess of Stardom Champions, people had said that Nellie carried Torrance. That Nellie was the better wrestler, that Torrance would never be champion without her. So, it was no wonder Torrance felt more confident with Mariah and Mina. People weren’t comparing her to them; instead, they were acknowledging how much she’d improved. And as much as Nellie didn’t care for Club Venus, she still wanted the best for Torrance.

“And for what it’s worth, I never felt like I was carrying our team,” she told her. “I should have told you that back then. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“No, I know you never felt that way,” Torrance returned, and nothing else needed to be said. She and Nellie understood each other. They always had.

“But… I guess I can’t persuade you to get dressed and come out with us?” she added.

Nellie shook her head. “Not a chance.”

Torrance nodded. “It was worth a shot.” She started for the door. “Well, sorry for interrupting your call with your man.” She stopped. “I didn’t interrupt… something, did I?”

Nellie let out a laugh. “No, it wasn’t one of those calls. He’ll be back Tuesday; I think I can manage ‘til then.”

“Tuesday?” Torrance noted. “Okay, I’ll be sure to steer clear of here that whole day.”

She let herself out, and Nellie told her to have a glass of water for every drink—she had to work tomorrow. And as Torrance waved goodbye and Nellie shut the door, she knew that neither of them were the same people anymore. They’d grown. Professionally, apart. But not in their hearts.

* * * *

Sunday, November 20, 2022 NJPW/Stardom Historic X-Over – Tokyo, Japan

If anyone was surprised at how well Cosmic Queendom and Aussie Open worked together in the ring, it wasn’t Nellie, Torrance, Kyle, or Mark. It felt like they’d been teaming together for years, and the deeper they got into the match against Los Ingobernables de Japon and Fukuoka Double Crazy, the more Nellie knew they were creating something special for fans of NJPW and Stardom alike. But it wasn’t all serious. Nellie couldn’t help but mess with Sanada and Naito a bit—a callback to her days in Suzuki-gun with Zack. In the end, it was Torrance who got the pin over Koguma after she and Nellie surprised Mark and Kyle by doing Coriolis. And when their arms were raised in victory, Nellie almost wished that she and Torrance had joined United Empire like they’d half-joked about a year ago.

Almost.

More members of United Empire greeted them as they returned backstage; Jeff Cobb, Great O-Khan, and Aaron Henare’s match against Kazuchika Okada, Toru Yano, and Great Muta was next. Mark and Kyle exchanged “Crowns Up” with all their teammates—and then Jeff looked expectantly at Nellie.

“Come on, you know you want to,” he tempted, wiggling his hands at her.

“Fine; but only for you,” she reluctantly gave in, and she made a crown with her hands and touched her fingers to his.

“I don’t know,” Jeff teased, his voice raising leadingly. “After seeing that Coriolis, I think there’s definitely a spot for Cosmic Queendom in the Empire.”

“Ha!” Torrance bluntly dismissed. Jeff pressed his mouth into a line.

“Okay, maybe just a spot for Nellie, then.”

“Yeah, how long have you two been planning that?” Mark asked, tactfully shifting the focus away from the ghost of Torrance and Will’s relationship. Thank God Will was elsewhere.

“Not long; we only just thought of trying it a few days ago,” Nellie said. “You’re not upset we did it?”

She looked hesitantly between Mark and Kyle, but they both quickly shook their heads. “Hell no, it was perfect,” Kyle assured, and Nellie smiled. They’d talked everything out that night he’d kissed her three weeks ago in New York City, and there wasn’t any awkwardness at all between them. They’d had a fling a year ago that just hadn’t panned out, and that was that. They were just friends. Easy.

“Well, thanks,” she said. “But Torr and I are kind of a package deal, so if she’s not in, I’m not, either. Sorry, Jeff.”

“A package deal?” O-Khan slyly asked. Torrance’s eyes widened.

“Not that kind of package deal!” she proclaimed. And then, more under her breath, “Not that anyone hasn’t asked me that before, but.”

Nellie whipped her head around at her. “Wait, what?”

“Yes, please share with the class,” Jeff eagerly added, propping his chin on his fist. But O-Khan’s entrance music started to play and inadvertently gave Torrance the perfect out from answering.

“Good luck!” she said, and the guys all groaned and booed after them as she and Nellie left. Nellie could tell by Torrance’s clipping pace that she was keyed up.

“You alright?”

“I need to get out of here and get a drink,” she returned. “How many more matches are there?”

“Um,” Nellie thought about it for a second. “Three, I think? But that reminds me—Gabe invited us out with the LA Dojo guys. I told him I wasn’t sure if you had anything in mind already and would let him know.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, it could be fun. Although that Clark guy seems like he might be trouble.”

“I don’t have anything in mind,” Torrance returned. “And honestly, I’m up for a bit of trouble.”

And that was how, later that night, they found themselves at a dive bar in Roppongi with Gabriel Kidd, Clark Connors, and Alex Coughlin. There had been more people with them at the outset, but one by one they’d dropped off bar after bar and called it a night. But not Nellie and Torrance. They were both familiar with Gabe from his time as a Young Lion, although they hadn’t seen him in a year-and-a-half. As for Clark and Alex, the girls barely knew either of them—but the guys seemed very keen on changing that.

“How the hell is it we haven’t hung out before tonight?” Clark asked Nellie, turning toward her as they sat together at the bar. “I know you were around when I was here in twenty-nineteen.”

“Probably because I was around, but I wasn’t living here yet,” she explained. “I moved here in twenty-twenty, right before everything shut down.”

“Yeah, Nell and I were in that same shitty boat,” Gabe said. “At least you weren’t stuck quarantined in fucking dojo housing.”

She snorted through her nose. “No, I was just stuck quarantined with my ex.”

“No shit!” Clark exclaimed. “Who’s that?”

“Jesus, Clark, mind your business!” Alex shot, his New York accent becoming even more pronounced. Torrance chuckled beside him.

“It’s fine,” Nellie dismissed with a wave of her hand. “It was Zack. Sabre Jr.,” she added, as if there was another pro wrestler named Zack living in Japan.

“Oh shit, you were with ZSJ, weren’t you?” Clark realized. “Actually, now that you mention it, I remember working a RevPro show with you, him, and Suzuki a few years back. Both of y’all were there too,” he said to Alex and Gabe.

They both nodded. “Yeah, bruv, I know exactly what show you’re talking about,” Gabe confirmed. “And clearly Nellie has a thing for Brits, so we should switch spots.”

Clark flipped him off. “You want another drink?” he asked Nellie.

“Nah, I’ll get it,” Gabe said, already flagging down the bartender.

“How about I get us all the next round?” Alex interjected. “You two are embarrassing yourselves.”

Clark and Gabe both let Alex know exactly what they thought of that, and Nellie took the opportunity to slide off her barstool. “Well, while you guys figure it out, I’m gonna run to the bathroom.”

“I’ll go with you,” Torrance said.

“It’s a one-stall bathroom,” Clark pointed out.

“Well, good thing I’m going just so we can talk about the three of you, then,” she sweetly returned, and Nellie laughed at the look on Clark’s face as they both walked away.

“Looks like you have your pick of Clark and Gabe tonight,” Torrance smirked once they were out of earshot. Nellie genially rolled her eyes.

“Come on… you know I’m not available.”

“Yeah, I know,” Torrance started—and Nellie could sense it coming.

“But?”

“But,” she went on. “As much as I want things to work out with you and David, you’ve already spent enough time waiting on guys, Nell. More than enough, more than you ever should have. I mean, speaking of Zack—he’s literally the only guy since I’ve known you who didn’t leave you in some sort of limbo.”

Nellie’s eyebrows arched. “Jesus, when you put it like that.” She tried the restroom door handle as they arrived, but it was occupied, and so they both leaned back against the wall on either side of the hall to wait.

“I’m just being honest,” Torrance returned.

“No, I know,” Nellie breathed; and, admittedly, Torrance did have a point.

David had left Japan less than a week after he and Nellie had finally told each other how they felt; and with no timetable for when he’d be back, they’d made the mutual decision not to put a label on anything. “That would make me no better than Jay, and I refuse to do that to you,” David had said. But it didn’t dishearten Nellie. Instead, it emboldened her. Because, to her, it confirmed that what she and David had wasn’t conditional. It was real.

“And I get what you’re saying, I do,” she told Torrance. “But it doesn’t feel like I’m in a limbo this time, Torr, and I can’t explain it other than to say I just have this deep-seated feeling in my soul that David and I have something real that’s worth waiting for. I mean, we’ve talked every single day since he left, and I sure as shit couldn’t say that about Jay when he was stuck in the States, and we were actually in a relationship.”

“I know,” Torrance nodded. “David’s a good guy, and I have a lot more faith in him than most, I do. But I’m just saying… I’ll still kick his ass if I have to.”

Nellie grinned. “I know you will. But I’m telling you you won’t.” The restroom door opened, and a woman smiled and bowed her head at them as she exited. “You go ahead,” Nellie offered Torrance.

“Okay, cool; turns out I do have to go,” she said, and she ducked inside and locked the door behind her as Nellie fished her phone out of her small crossbody bag. The clock widget on her home screen informed her it was after 10 a.m. on the East Coast of the U.S., but David was in Los Angeles filming an episode of NJPW Strong; ironically, he had an eight-man tag match against a team that included Jay and Riley. But she decided to text him, anyway. Even if he wasn’t up, he’d get back to her when he was.

She pulled up their text chain and smiled seeing their messages from just a few hours ago; he’d gotten up in the middle of the night to watch her and Torrance’s Historic X-Over match live. Torr and I are out with the LA Dojo guys, she wrote. I’m having fun, but it’s also just making me miss you.

She sent it off and switched over to Instagram, not expecting a reply. But then David’s name popped up on her screen.

Are you? They’re good guys, don’t let their antics fool you. And I miss you too, every day.

Butterflies. Meaningful ones.

They exchanged a few more texts before Torrance emerged from the bathroom, and Nellie told him she’d let him go to start his day. Okay, let me know when you make it back home, he wrote back. You know I’ll start to worry if I don’t hear from you.

I know, she returned, and she sent it off with a kissy face emoji. Because even though there wasn’t a label on her and David’s relationship, in every other way, every way that mattered, they were together.

* * * *

Sunday, April 23, 2023 Stardom All Star Grand Queendom – Yokohama, Japan

Doggedness and determination. That’s what Nellie was running on by the end of the winner takes all match against Saya Kamitani.

She’d been prepared, thoroughly. But as well as Nellie knew Saya, she wasn’t used to being opposite her, at least not one-on-one, and she realized early on that she couldn’t afford a single misstep. But the reverse was also true—and unlike Nellie, Saya had nothing to gain or prove. She’d surpassed the record set by Momo Watanabe for defenses of the Wonder of Stardom Championship, eclipsed Kairi by more than one hundred days to become the white belt’s second-longest reigning champion, her position as one of Stardom’s best and brightest secure. She had nothing to fight for outside maintaining the status quo.

But Nellie had everything to gain, everything to prove, everything to fight for. Despite being a long-tenured champion herself, despite being the older and more experienced wrestler of the two, she was decidedly the underdog. That was her motivation, her drive, her fire. And by the halfway point, there were more people cheering for Nellie in Saya’s hometown crowd than there had been at the opening bell. If she lost, at least she would have that.

But she won.

She knew she’d done it as soon as she hit her new finisher, a variation on a lifting reverse STO that she’d worked out with David and dubbed the Wit Hit. (“As in a cheesesteak wit onion, not as in like, a quick wit,” she’d explained. “Honestly, it works either way,” he’d smirked.) And when she hooked Saya’s leg and felt the referee count one, two, three, she knew she’d earned the crowd’s respect.

And she had Saya’s, too. All along.

As Nellie stood with tears in her eyes and the winner’s trophy in her hands, Saya fastened the Wonder of Stardom Championship around her waist. And after she raised her arm in victory, she pulled her into a hug and told her in Japanese, “You are always welcome in Queen’s Quest, Nellie-san.”

Nellie hadn’t expected it. It gave her even more to think about.

But she’d worry about that later. Right now, her priority was setting her intention as the new Wonder of Stardom Champion.

“What did I say?” she started as she stepped in front of the backstage camera; sweaty and worn, laden with gold. “I said I would end Saya Kamitani’s history-making reign, and that’s exactly what I did. And now a gaijin from Philadelphia is the 9th SWA World Champion and the 17th Wonder of Stardom Champion—and I intend to be a fighting champion.” She shook her head. “No more going five months without a defense. No more being placated and overlooked. Whoever wants a shot at either of my titles, just say the word. Kamitani-san had fifteen defenses of this championship? I want sixteen. Seventeen, eighteen, more. So whoever wants to try to take it from me, let Rossy know. He can’t ignore me now.”

She stopped to draw in a breath, collecting herself before she went on. “And now that I have proven just how un-ignorable I am, how much of an asset I am to this company, there’s another piece of business I need to address. For an entire week now people have been asking me nonstop backstage, online, stopping me out in the street—Who are you with, Nellie? Are you with Cosmic Angels or Club Venus? And frankly? The answer is neither.

“Tam and Poi, you welcomed me into Cosmic Angels without question. You gave me a place when I was suddenly without one, and I’ll never take that for granted. Torr and I won the Goddess titles with your backing, I won this SWA title for a history-making second time with your backing, the three of us nearly went the distance in the Triangle Derby. But despite all that success, we all knew I was something of a black sheep in your colorful, kawaii flock. It was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, and what happened? I wore myself down to try to fit.” She shook her head again. “Not anymore. My edge is back—and with all due respect, I’ve outgrown Cosmic Angels. And with no due respect, I’m sure as shit not joining Club Venus.”

She adjusted the SWA title on her shoulder. She was exhausted, and it was getting heavier by the minute. “But even though I know at the end of the day I can only really rely on me, myself, and I, I’m not really into the whole lone wolf thing, either. I recognize that there’s strength in numbers, and I’ll be taking my time to consider my next move. But for now, I’m gonna go put all this down because it’s fucking heavy, and then I’m gonna crack open a Sapporo and celebrate the sweet, sweet return of Two-Belt Nell.”

* * * *

Wednesday, May 3, 2023 Wrestling Dontaku – Fukuoka, Japan

The Stardom bus arrived at the Fukuoka International Center fifteen minutes before bell time. They’d had a show earlier that afternoon in Shimonoseki, and with Stardom running a pay-per-view in Fukuoka tomorrow, they’d loaded up and made the hour-and-a-half trip down for the NJPW show there that evening. And as soon as she could, Nellie shot off the bus like a bullet.

David had been back in Japan for two weeks, but Nellie had only gotten to spend a handful of hours with him. He’d arrived in Tokyo only to turn around and leave for the Road to Dontaku tour, and their schedules had kept them apart in separate corners of the country. And because of that, Nellie still hadn’t said those three little-big words.

They’d been on the tip of her tongue the day he’d come back. She’d felt them in the way he’d touched her, looked at her, in every breath during that abbreviated time they’d spent together before he had to leave to get on the bus. But she hadn’t wanted to say it only for him to be physically absent again. If she was going to tell him she loved him, she needed to feel it, live in it for longer than just a few hours.

And tonight, the timing was finally right.

She made a beeline for his dressing room, pausing impatiently when she ran into Aussie Open, and they both hugged her and congratulated her on winning the Wonder of Stardom Championship before she took off again. She knocked on the door when she arrived, and David called for her to come in. Her heart melted at the sight of his smile.

“Finally,” he breathed, and then his lips were on hers. Hungry, eager, heated, as if it had been two months instead of just two weeks.

But then Nellie had a thought. “Are you sharing this room with Kenta?” she quickly asked. She hadn’t noticed any other luggage around, but she hadn’t really looked, either.

David shook his head, a smirk on his lips. “Not tonight. We have this all to ourselves.”

That was all the information she needed. She pushed him down onto a seat and straddled his lap, and then they were the only two people in the entire arena again. David ignited her entire being in a way that no one ever had, mind, body, soul—heart. And before they lost themselves in each other, she needed to tell him.

She pulled back and looked down at him. His eyes were dark and hooded, full of desire. “What?” he softly asked.

“I love you.”

Nellie knew he felt the same, she knew he did—but there was still that anxious knot in her gut. Until a smile spread over David’s face.

“I was wondering when you’d finally say it.”

She let go of the breath she’d been holding. “Are you serious right—”

He silenced her with a kiss, and she melted into him like she always did. She loved him; he loved her. It was undeniable.

He pulled back, their lips still close, noses brushing. “I love you, too. I have since the fall.”

Butterflies exploded in Nellie’s stomach. “You have?”

“Mhm,” he nodded. “I spent that entire tour last year falling in love with you, and when I left Japan, it felt like I’d left part of myself behind. And then the night of Historic X-Over, when you called me after you got home from being out with the LA Dojo guys… I knew.”

Nellie’s smile lit up her entire face, her entire being. “I was drunk when I called you that night,” she remembered.

“Yeah, I know you were,” David grinned. “Which reminds me, I have to tell Clark he can’t take my girlfriend out and ply her with alcohol anymore.”

She laughed. “But it would just be a little Bullet Club bonding,” she innocently returned. It made him arch a brow.

“You saying you’re Bullet Club? Is that what I’m hearing?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know… that’s kind of up to you.”

He drew her closer on his lap. “It would be nice to have you out there with me when I win the title tonight…”

He trailed off and kissed her neck. She bit back a grin. “I don’t want to stir the pot just yet. I just won the Wonder of Stardom title; it probably wouldn’t be the best idea to ruffle any company feathers.”

David hummed against her skin. “Mm… yeah, you’re not ready. That’s not something someone in Bullet Club would say.”

Nellie playfully rolled her eyes. But he pulled her mouth against his again, and they let their bodies finish the conversation.

* * * *

Sunday, June 12, 2022 Osaka, Japan

For the longest time, this was all Nellie had wanted. To feel Jay again. To feel wanted by him again. And now that she’d finally gotten it, all she felt was uncertainty. Still.

She lay next to him in his hotel room, facing the other way, listening to him breathe. In and out, steady. Last night had been an intoxicating blur of adrenaline and emotion. She blamed Osaka, the romance of a different setting, the context of why they were there. Stardom and NJPW both had shows in the city; Jay had a match against Okada for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship at Dominion that night. And last night, Nellie had felt like her body was a prize for Jay just as much as that title. Something for him to win, to take. Part of her regretted letting him have it. But another part of her still yearned to belong to him.

She felt him stir beside her, and then he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her back against his chest. She closed her eyes and folded into him.

“Mm,” he hummed. “I missed this.”

He pressed his lips against her neck, and Nellie let him. But she couldn’t keep from asking.

“Did you?”

“Of course,” he easily returned. Almost as if he’d expected her to question him, as if he’d had the answer at the ready that he knew she wanted to hear. But then his mouth was working down her body, his lips leaving a trail of goosebumps over her skin, until his head was between her legs and his tongue inside her. And she gave into him, writhing and arching her back, curling her fingers in his hair until she came undone. And all the while, she didn’t stop questioning.

He kissed his way back up to her lips, his naked body hovering over her. His cock pressed hard against her inner thigh. She wanted it. She hated that she did. But she wanted him.

“Let’s get in the shower,” he breathed. And she let him pull her from the bed and lead her into the shower where he had her again, her back pressed up against the wet tile, legs wrapped tight around his waist as her nails left tiny moon-shaped marks on his shoulders. Because even though Nellie knew it wouldn’t last, that Jay would just be gone again come tomorrow, she wanted to pretend he was hers for just a little while longer.

* * * *

Saturday, May 27, 2023 Stardom Flashing Champions – Tokyo, Japan

Two defenses in just over a month. Nellie had said she’d wanted to be a fighting champion, and her challengers had quickly formed a line.

Natsupoi had been first, eager and determined. Nellie bested her in a main event twenty-minute battle in Fukuoka the night after David won the NEVER Openweight Championship. Tonight, it was Unagi Sayaka, defeated in just over fifteen minutes. Nellie wasn’t surprised that her former teammates had been the first to step up. They wanted to defend the honor of Cosmic Angels in the wake of her departure, even if there wasn’t any bad blood. But their efforts had fallen short—and Nellie was still an island unto herself. She was biding her time, weighing her options between Donna del Mondo and Queen’s Quest. This time around, the ball was in her court; she wasn’t going to fumble it.

She returned to the locker room after making her backstage comments and automatically checked her phone. David was flying in tomorrow after being back in the States for the last three weeks and change, returning early to spend time with her before Dominion and the next Stardom tour. She smiled when she saw she had a text from him.

Two down, fourteen to go. Proud of you, babe. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow isn’t soon enough, she returned with a kissy face emoji.

But David wasn’t the only one who’d texted her. So had Clark.

Congrats, champ. We’re going out to celebrate, right?

Her brow furrowed. Who’s we? she sent back. She and Clark were friends, but he could get too friendly sometimes.

His response came quick. You, me, and your Stardom friends. The hot single ones.

She rolled her eyes, but her phone pinged again. He’d sent her the name of a bar in Roppongi; of course that was where he wanted to go. She pursed her lips as she wrote back.

My hot single friends might already have plans, she told him.

Alright but if Dave asks it was your idea for just the two of us to hang out, not mine, he returned.

Nellie breathed out. As irritated as she wanted to be, she had to give him that one. But she sent him an eye roll emoji and said, I’ll ask Torr and Thekla and let you know, and threw her phone in her bag to head to the shower.

* * * *

As it turned out, Nellie’s hot single friends did already have plans—to go to a different bar in Roppongi. But that worked just fine for Clark, and he told Nellie he’d meet them there. And honestly, she hoped he’d get there sooner rather than later, because the current company was a mixed bag, to say the least.

Thekla had come, along with Giulia and Mai Sakurai, the three of which were in a celebratory mood—they’d won the Artist of Stardom Championship from REStart that night. Torrance had also come; it was the first time she and Nellie had gone out together in months.

But she’d brought Club Venus with her.

“They’re really not that bad if you get to know them,” Thekla told Nellie over the music as they sat together in the booth; all the others were off dancing or getting drinks. It earned her a skeptical stare. “I know, I know,” she returned. “You’re Team Tam even if you’re not in Cosmic Angels anymore. But Torrance is your best friend, and Mariah is practically her clone. Her much taller British clone, but still.”

Nellie laughed, remembering how she’d told David almost the exact same thing. But then Thekla changed the subject.

“And speaking of you not being in Cosmic Angels anymore… when’re you gonna bite the bullet and join DDM?”

Nellie breathed out. She’d expected this to come up.

“It’s been over a month, Nell.”

“I’m aware,” she replied. “But Giulia doesn’t seem nearly as eager to have me in DDM as Utami does to have me back in Queen’s Quest.”

She sent Thekla a pointed look over her drink. Thekla’s eyebrows arched in understanding.

“Giulia is hard to read, I’ll give you that,” she admitted. “And I’ll be honest with you—you’d have to earn her trust because of how close you are with Tam. Which I mean, can you blame her? Tam shaved her head.”

“Okay, but she rocked that look, though,” Nellie pointed out.

Thekla grinned. “She did, but still. The good news is you’re already halfway there.”

“Am I?” she curiously asked.

“Yeah. Because Giulia trusts me and my judgment—and I want you in DDM, dammit.”

Nellie grinned. “And I appreciate that. And as soon as I make my decision, I’ll let you know.”

“Look who we found at the bar.”

They both looked up. Giulia and Mai had returned, and they had Clark with them.

“I wouldn’t expect you to find him anywhere else,” Nellie quipped.

He set a shot glass in front of her and Thekla each. “Here, I bought us all a round,” he said, and then, in a higher-pitched voice, “‘Oh, thank you, Clark, you’re so sweet and thoughtful and also incredibly handsome.’”

Thekla snorted. Nellie's expression was deadpan. “I already regret telling you where to meet us.”

“Scoot over,” he said with a nudge of her shoulder, and she and Thekla made room so he could sit down while Giulia and Mai did the same on the other side of the booth.

“What is this?” Nellie asked as she picked up the shot.

“Tequila,” Clark said. “I remember what you like.”

She ignored the comment and brought the liquor to her lips.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he quickly stopped her. “We gotta toast!” He raised his glass and looked expectantly around the table. The girls all obliged. “To the success of Donna del Mondo,” he started, “and the restoration of fucking Bullet Club.”

A smirk pulled at Nellie’s lips, and they all toasted and kicked back the tequila, some grimacing more than others as it went down. “Okay, that one was for you, but we're getting whiskey next round,” Clark winced.

“What, can’t handle it?” Nellie teased. “I remember Gabe shooting tequila just fine.”

“A-heh-heh-heh,” he screwed up his face and mock-laughed in return. “But speaking of Gabe—I heard you’re gonna be at Dominion?”

Her brow furrowed in confusion; that segue didn’t make any sense. What did Gabe have to do with Dominion?

But before she could ask, Thekla interjected, “Wait, what? Isn’t Dominion the same day as our Korakuen show?”

Nellie nodded. “It is. But I told Rossy I want to be in Osaka to support David at ringside and that if he really wants to elevate Stardom’s global profile, he needs to start putting me and my two titles on NJPW TV.”

Thekla’s eyebrows arched. “And he agreed to that?”

“Mhm,” Nellie proudly returned. “I think he admired my nerve.”

“Hell yeah,” Clark grinned. “I cannot wait to see the look on ELP’s face when you walk out there with us.”

She gave him another curious look. Us? As far as she knew, Clark wasn’t booked to be at Dominion. “Okay, is there something—”

“What the fuck is this twat doing here?”

Nellie whipped her head around. She saw Torrance first, her face flushed from dancing. And then she saw Dan Moloney.

“I know you’re not talking about me,” Clark returned.

“Well, I don’t see any other twats sat at this table.”

Nellie shot a tense look at Torrance, asking with her face what the hell Dan was doing there. He and Clark had just tried to murder each other in their Best of the Super Juniors tournament match three days ago; the last thing she wanted to do tonight was pull apart another United Empire-Bullet Club fight.

Clark stood from the booth, and Nellie almost grabbed the back of his shirt—but then he greeted Dan like they were best mates.

“I didn’t know you’d be here tonight, man. You should’ve said something.”

“Yeah, well, kind of a last-minute thing. This one invited me,” Dan said with a thumb at Torrance.

Nellie, meanwhile, was at a complete loss. “I’m sorry—what?”

“I don’t know—men,” Thekla shrugged. “They beat the shit out of each other once and suddenly they’re best friends.”

Clark sat back down next to Nellie while Mai made room for Torrance and Dan on the other side of the booth, and Torrance and Nellie’s gaze connected again. Torrance tapped her phone; and no sooner had she than Nellie felt hers vibrate in the back pocket of her jeans. She pulled it out and read the text.

We may have hooked up. Surprise?

Nellie widened her eyes at her friend. She just shrugged.

Surprised and not surprised, she wrote back. I guess bro code doesn’t count for shit in UE.

She waited for Torrance to see the response. Her phone lit up—and she scoffed before quickly typing back.

Whatever, I don’t care. Will had already moved on to another warm body before my side of the bed was even cold.

Nellie read the text and gave her a look that said, “You’re not wrong,” before sending a written reply.

Maybe Dan isn’t even in UE anymore. Him and Clark acting all buddy-buddy right now is suspicious AF.

Torrance’s eyes went wide, and she typed quickly back. Don’t even joke. I’m so done fucking with Bullet Club boys.

Nellie just laughed; she’d thought the same after she and Jay had broken up. And yet, here she was, just days away from declaring herself Bullet Club, too—something that only she, David, and Clark knew.

As far as she knew, anyway.

* * * *

Friday, November 4, 2022 Osaka, Japan

Tomorrow would be David’s last show in Japan until he didn’t know when. It sucked—it really sucked. He and Nellie had only realized their mutual desire for something more than just friendship five days ago. But Nellie didn’t want to focus on their painfully poor timing. As it worked out, their schedules had synced up to give them a full day off together in Osaka, and they’d taken full advantage.

They started off with getting breakfast at an American-style diner, splitting chocolate banana pancakes and a bacon and cheese omelet because neither of them could decide which sounded better. Then they’d gone on the famous Osaka costumed go-kart sightseeing tour that Nellie had always wanted to try but never had the chance; she’d dressed up as Yoshi, David as Pikachu. Afterward, they’d stopped at one of the city’s numerous food stalls for deep-fried chicken and sticky-sweet rice balls before heading back to David’s hotel room, where they’d fallen asleep watching TV together on the bed. It felt so natural, so comfortable, so uncomplicated sleeping in David’s arms.

But when they awoke, it only made it that much more difficult not to think about how their time together was dwindling all too quickly.

“I don’t want to leave you at all,” David said as they still lay together, his arm around her, her head on his chest. “But I also feel like I need the time away for myself to reset; go back to the fucking drawing board. My G1 was shit; I really wanted that TV Title… I don’t know. I need to figure out what I need to do to stop just spinning my wheels.”

“Your G1 wasn’t shit,” Nellie gently returned. “Will won your block with what? Eight points? And you and everyone else but Juice finished with six. Most people finished with six this year. And if it helps at all, that TV Title is ugly as shit.”

David let out a laugh. “You’re right about that. And yeah, at least I did beat Juice. But it’s just one disappointment after another, you know?”

“I do know. You know I do. And I think you’re right. I don’t want you to leave, either. But even more than that, I don’t want you to get burned out from frustration.” She lifted her head to look at him. “So, take some time to do what you need to do, and then come back to me.”

He gave her a soft smile. “I know this probably feels like an uncomfortably familiar situation. But I promise, Nell—I’m not Jay.”

She shook her head. “I know you’re not,” she said, and she kissed him. She’d meant it to be just one, short and sweet, assuring; but neither of them wanted to stop at just one. David rolled her underneath him, and her hand unintentionally slipped under his shirt. Nellie wanted him; she wanted to cross that line. But she knew all too well that sleeping with him now would only make his absence hurt that much more—

And then her phone started ringing.

He pulled back. “Is someone calling you?”

She sighed. “Guarantee it’s Torrance.” Sure enough, when she retrieved her phone from the nightstand, Torrance’s name was displayed on the screen. David just laughed.

Nellie answered the call, and she and Torrance talked for a few minutes, figuring out what the plans were for the evening (“The Aussies and Jeff and Francesco want to get dinner with us, but I don’t want to be around Will,” Torrance explained). When she hung up, she looked back at David. The previous tension still hung in the air between them.

“It’s probably for the best she interrupted,” he softly said. “I don’t want to do that just to turn around and leave for I don’t know how long.”

Nellie sighed again. “I know. But you know you saying that only makes me want it more, right?”

He grinned. “Maybe that’s the point,” he teased, and he kissed her again. Once, tender and meaningful.

They got up from the bed, and David walked her to the door and told her to let him know when she made it back to her hotel—she wanted to shower and change before dinner—and Nellie made her way to the elevators. She looked down at her phone as one arrived with a ding; but when the doors slid open, a stone dropped into her stomach.

Jay.

He looked like he’d just arrived, luggage in tow, sunglasses on. He pushed them on top of his head and grinned. The cat who caught the canary.

“Well, fancy meeting you here.”  

He stepped out of the elevator, but his suitcase blocked her way and the doors slid closed. Not that Nellie could move, anyway. It felt like her legs had suddenly turned to lead.

“Is Stardom in this hotel?” he asked. “I thought your show was in Nara tomorrow?”

She tried not to think about why he knew that as she answered. “It is, and we’re not. I’m here with David.”

It was more gratifying than she expected to say that to Jay’s face. And even though his face didn’t give much away, she could see it in his eyes. Resentment. But then he turned them down and nodded.

“Are you? That’s kind of surprising.”

Nellie’s brow hardened. “What’s so surprising about it?”

He shook his head. “Nothing—well. It’s just that when you started hanging out with him during the G1… I thought you were doing it just to get back at me.”

Anger bubbled up in Nellie’s chest. Shock, disbelief, to the point that she felt ill. She looked him dead in the eye. “If you think I would use someone like that, then you really don’t know me at all.”

She hit the down button again.

“Nell, come on,” Jay breathed. “What else was I supposed to think? When I got back to Japan it seemed like you wanted to fix things between us, and then next thing I knew, you were out getting drinks with my old best friend.”

“I did want to fix things!” she burst. “Against my own better judgment, I did! And what happened? You fucked me one last time—here, in Osaka, to pump yourself up for your World Title match—and then you disappeared again.”

His eyebrows arched. “Are you joking? I had other bookings; that was two weeks before Forbidden Door.”

The elevator arrived, but Nellie didn’t get on. “Okay, but you didn’t talk to me! You didn’t show me anything, Jay—nothing changed! And you know what David did? He showed me that he gave a shit about me.”

The elevator doors started to close, and Nellie caught them with her arm and stepped inside. She looked back at Jay. The resentment in his eyes had given way to something else. Guilt.

“Nell… I don’t want to leave it like this.”

She shook her head. “Now’s not the time,” she told him, and the elevator doors slid closed, putting a pause on the one conversation that she knew, eventually, she’d no longer be able to avoid.

* * * *

Friday, June 2, 2023 Tokyo, Japan

“You remember the last time we were in Osaka together?”

David asked the question as they finished packing. The big weekend had finally arrived. They were taking the bullet train down to Osaka tomorrow for Dominion on Sunday, and Nellie was buzzing with excitement.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about that,” she said as she zipped up her suitcase and moved it with some effort from her bed to the floor. “It’s crazy to think how much has changed since then.”

Everything had changed. Seven months ago, she and David had been reluctantly pulled apart from one another, both frustrated and floundering in their careers, nothing but uncertainty on the horizon. And now, they were both champions; David the leader of Bullet Club, Nellie on the verge of making her membership known to the world. It felt like they had the whole world ahead of them. And they were doing it together.

“I know,” David returned. “I’d never wanted to board a plane less in my life than I did after that show.”

“Even more than this last time you left?”

“Oh, for sure,” he answered, no hesitation. “Because when I leave now, I know exactly when I’m coming back. It was the not knowing back then that really made it hard.”

Nellie didn’t reply as she climbed onto her bed and settled against the pillows, her thoughts turning inward. After Dominion, David didn’t have any bookings until the G1, over a month away. And they hadn’t really discussed that—if he would extend his stay to spend some extra time with her before heading back home to Florida, if he would come back early before the tournament, if he’d even given it any thought at all. It didn’t worry her, per se; they’d both been busy. But now it was right there in front of her.

“Which, actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

She looked back at him, pulled from her thoughts. “What is it?” she asked.

He settled next to her on the bed, and the atmosphere suddenly felt different. Not tense. But important. Nellie felt her heart pick up a beat.

“I know we’ve been moving kind of fast since I came back in March,” David began. “But truthfully—and I think you feel the same—I don’t see the point in waiting if we both know what we want. And so… I’ve decided that I want to move here, to Tokyo. And if you want, I’d like us to get a new place together.”

If Nellie had been buzzing before, she was positively vibrating now. “Are you being serious?”

He nodded. “Of course. I fucking hate every time I have to get on a plane and leave you again. I hate it. And this last time I was gone, I realized… it’s not just my career that’s here now. My life is, too.”

He looked her in the eyes, full of love and trust, and her heart grew wings. “I would love to get a new place together.”

David smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, and she kissed him. She couldn’t contain her excitement. “Babe! This is a big deal!”

“I know, but it’s what I want,” he reiterated. “And plus, this timing works out because I have a month-and-a-half off after Sunday, so that’ll give me a good amount of time to sort everything out and get my place in Florida packed up and shipped over here.”

“That’s a process,” she told him. “Trust me, I know from experience.”

“I know. But to be honest with you, I already started.”

Nellie smiled at him. “You did?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I had a feeling you’d say yes, so I figured I’d get a head start when I was home.”

“Oh, you had a feeling?”

“I did,” he grinned. “Come here.”

He pulled her into another kiss, and Nellie had never felt so much love, so much trust, so much understanding, so much faith that this was right. That everything she’d been through, that they’d been through, had purposefully brought them exactly to where they were now. And she couldn’t wait to find out what else they would build—together.

“I love you,” David said against her lips, and Nellie smiled.

“I love you, too.”

* * * *

Sunday, June 4, 2023 Dominion 6.4 in Osaka-jo Hall – Osaka, Japan

Nellie had thought she was the only surprise David had in store that night. Boy, had she thought wrong.

The first surprise came after the IWGP Junior Tag Title match. Catch 2/2 had staved off Intergalactic Jetsetters only for Clark to come strutting down to the ring—with a gold cap on one of his teeth and a too-orange spray tan, God bless him—and at first, Nellie hadn’t understood. No one had; he was outnumbered, what was he going to do? But everyone got their answer when Dan Moloney, who had been at ringside for the match, unexpectedly attacked Francesco and TJP, officially turning on United Empire and joining Bullet Club. And Torrance had texted Nellie almost as soon as it had happened.

Nellie I swear to God if you knew about this and didn’t tell me.

Dude I had NO idea I swear, I’m just as shocked as you are, she’d quickly sent back. But as Dan and Clark had walked back up the ramp, the sight of them together made a little too much sense.

“They’re gonna bring out the absolute worst in each other,” she’d noted. David had just laughed.

And then, the match after the next, there was another surprise.

After Bishamon had defeated House of Torture and United Empire to win both the IWGP Tag Team and Strong Openweight Tag Team championships, Alex Coughlin and Gabe Kidd had shown up in Bullet Club shirts and put the boots to them, declaring their intent and establishing their allegiance in one fell swoop. It explained why Clark had brought up Dominion after Nellie had mentioned Gabe last week. She had to admit—she was impressed.

But now it was her turn to be the surprise.

She’d never felt more confident than she did now in her BC Decade t-shirt, cropped to show off her figure; although, she wore her Wonder of Stardom Championship around her waist and her SWA World Championship diagonally across her chest, so she was mostly gold. David had explicitly told her to show off. “You’ve earned that,” he’d told her. “We run this fucking place.”

Excited butterflies teemed in her stomach as they all stood at the ready at the Gorilla curtain. David smirked down at her.

“Last chance to back out.”

She grinned and shook her head. “Not a chance,” she told him, and sealed it with a kiss.

His entrance music started. Clark and Dan went out first, followed by Gabe and Alex. They stood on either side of the stage, and then David went up the steps, followed closely by Nellie, Gedo behind her. She could hear the surprise of the crowd when they saw her, feel it course through her body, energizing her. It was a familiar feeling, but renewed. Different. Deeper.

They walked down to the ring, and while David’s focus was zeroed in on El Phantasmo, ELP was looking at Nellie. Except it wasn’t ELP; not right then. Right then, it was Riley.

“Seriously?” he said down to her. “You never once came out here with Jay.”

Nellie didn’t hesitate. “Jay never asked,” she returned, and David slid into the ring and attacked him.

Twenty-six minutes later, he was victorious. And Nellie hadn’t gotten involved; none of the other members of Bullet Club had. David didn’t need their help; he didn’t need them to interfere. This was a different Bullet Club than what it had been under Jay, a return to the original. And when they all joined David in the ring and raised up the Too Sweet above ELP, Nellie had never felt more like she belonged. Not in Cosmic Angels, not in Queen’s Quest, not even in Suzuki-gun. This was her home, beside David—and it just so happened to be in Bullet Club.

[multistanisms]

Sneak Peek | Let Our Circle Be Unbroken

Enjoy a glimpse into the future of the fic!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Pretty little thing for a gaijin. You boys take turns with her?” Bicolored eyes land on where Arashi stands just barely noticeable behind Yuta, almost hidden from the male before them due to her smaller stature. She's visible just enough to have somehow become the focus of the exchange and Jaehyun isn't entirely sure why. A quick glance when there's the slightest movement finds that Yuta has reached back, fingers brushing over the fabric of Arashi’s shirtsleeve; not dominant or controlling, it's an action that comes across as more a reassurance to the vampire that she is still there. The words clearly flare through the small group's energy and Jaehyun strangely finds that he isn’t unaffected by them, either. Despite Seungri's attempt to take control from the group that clearly out numbers him, there's a sudden static feeling that makes the warlock feel uneasy.

“You’re a misogynistic little bitch, aren’t you?” It’s Arashi’s voice, and Jaehyun realizes that she’s stepped around from where she was standing behind Yuta and is now in full view of where Seungri stands, standing at her mate's side. Hazel eyes have gone entirely gold except her pupils, arms lifting to cross over her chest as she stares him down. “I don’t let anyone touch me without  permission. Least of all the likes of you and your obvious inability to respect guests.”

Seungri arches a brow, a smirk curving his lips as he dares to put his full attention on where the curvy young woman stands defiantly. His gaze rakes over her in a very obvious leer, both sizing her up as a threat while also sexualizing what he sees in his mind. The rumors are very clearly true about how the man regards women and it sends a sickly feeling through Jaehyun to witness. Arashi seems unbothered, but there's more to her demeanor that Jaehyun can't quite read. “You know, your boys here should keep a better check on that mouth of yours.” Seungki sneered, turning his eyes to Yuta and cocking his head to one side. “I can offer you a good muzzle for her to help with that, you know.” he addressed, unbothered by the way Yuta’s head tilts minutely, in a very clear predatory fashion. “Or, if you'd prefer, I can offer a ball gag? I bet she’d look nice with a silver one between those plump little lips. It’d match that pretty little charm around her neck.” The sound of various growls and verbalizations erupts all at once and then dies in a flash. A crash echoes loudly and Jaehyun is completely overwhelmed by the force of everything before he can focus and start piecing the scene in front of him together. 

Taeyong, Johnny and Mark are all holding Yuta back, the vampire’s eyes blown wide and that crimson-gold swirling excessively - pupils gone entirely - his fangs at the ready. It’s a sudden realization of just how strong Yuta actually is for Jaehyun. It had never occurred to him before despite knowing the older male was a vampire because Yuta seemed so easy going and passive. Taeyong and Johnny are visibly straining as they hold Yuta's arms, though, and Mark has mounted himself in front of Yuta, facing his friend with hands at Yuta's chest, veins visible in the forearms of the fox's body. The changes in placement and the atmosphere takes a moment to fully register and it soon dawns in Jaehyun's mind that Arashi is missing from where she was. That fact settles the last piece of why Yuta is so aggressively straining against his friends into place and the warlock turns to look for the little witch. A sharp exhale escapes him in a hissing sound when he sees that Seungri has moved to snatch Arashi from Yuta's side and now has her pinned between his body and the wall, claw-like nails pressing at her side with one hand as the other holds her arms at the wrists above her head. She’s a few inches off the floor, but she’s not breaking eye contact with her assailant. Jaehyun moves to take a step when Taeyong's voice rings in his head. 

“Jaehyun, don’t.”

And while Jaehyun is the only one free to make a move to free the little witch from the man’s hold, something in the way Taeyong speaks telepathically gives him pause as much as it distracts him. His eyes flash between the brown and reptilian, looking between where his new friends are and where Arashi is being held. “But-”

“We don’t have the resources to contain Yuta and fight him. You’re still recovering and Seungri is at full power. You go after him now and there's no guarantee we'll be able to save you this time.” Taeyong's voice is concerned and gentle in the warlock's mind and though he’s talking to Jaehyun telepathically, his eyes are locked on where Arashi is pinned. Jaehyun knows it isn't words the dragon says with any ease, that it comes from Taeyong's role as clan leader. Concern for the mated pair is a priority, but the dragon knows where they are and the odds are stacked against them in unfamiliar territory. The others had been right to be against the trip here, especially Yuta, but they were also all aware that Arashi would have come on her own if they hadn't opted to accompany her. Though he hadn’t been among them long, even without the words being spoken between them, he knows that one wrong move or word and the trio will release Yuta to reign hell on the older male. The stillness that rang was filled with dangerous uncertainty and more than the concern for Arashi was a concern for Taeyong should any of them get hurt. The dragon was older than him, yes, but the thought of him being hurt caused a boiling protectiveness in Jaehyun that drew him closer to where Taeyong was. As he was within reach, the stillness shattered as words were spoken. 

“Are you done trying to show off? Because honestly, it's pathetic.”

[thelallybrochlibrary]

Another smutty goody has Claire meeting a young man in a Japanese suishi bar. Can you identify?

Hi there @chechzooo!

That sounds like it could be Gaijin by @gotham-ruaidh, written for @imagineclaireandjamie.

Happy Reading!

[nonobadcat]

All For One x Fem! Reader : Hands-On Instruction - Japanese Translations

Original Fic - here

Ao3 mirror

Rating: 18+ Readers only Content Warnings: Dubcon (alcohol/manipulation), size kink, implied stalking, PnV with mild mating press, a metric ton of romanji Japanese dialogue, unsafe relations with creampie, unhealthy power dynamics between professor and former student

Please note: This story will contain numerous conversations in Japanese which has been phonetically spelled out using the Latin alphabet. The author does not have any formal education in Japanese. The resources used to create the dialogue are:

Maggie-Sensei.com - School Related Vocab

SG Forums - JAPANESE HENTAI WORDS (2008)

sci.lang.japan

600 basic Japanese verbs : the essential reference guide - Author: Hiroo Japanese Center

The True Japan.com

Gaijin Pot.com

Youtube "RUDE Japanese Words You Use Without Knowing"- Japanese Ammo with Misa

Translations (in order of appearance in the dialogue):

Taihen desu ne - “That sounds rough”

Apāto ni ikitakunai - “I don’t want to go back to my apartment”

Kowaidesu - “It’s scary” or “I’m scared.”

Benchi wa dame desu - "The bench is no good" or "You shouldn't stay on the bench"

Benchi ga suki - "I like the bench"

Doko ni ikimaska? - “Where are we going?”

Kaerimashou - “Let’s go home.”

Sotsugyousei-san - “Miss/Mister Graduate”

Otearai wa doko desu ka - “Where is the toilet?”

Kokodesu - “It’s here.”

Tetsudatte mashouka? - “Do you need help?” (informal tone). You might use this more with friends.

Genkika - “Are you all right?”

Hai - “Yes”

Gohan tabeta? - “Did you eat?” (informal)

Iie - “No”

Demo… - “but…”

Kirei desu ne? - “Beautiful isn’t it?”

Gomenasai - “Sorry” (slightly more formal - you might use this with a authority figure but one that you have a relationship with)

Iie Iie - “Don’t worry about it.” or “It’s not a big deal.”

Tabete kudasai - “Please eat” (informal)

Itadakimasu - Something that is said at the start of a meal  - “I humbly receive”

Jōzu - “Good” but like a shortened “Good job” or “You’re good at this.”

Ano - “Um…”

Gohan wa tarita - “This amount of food is enough.”

Ja - “Okay then” or “Fine then”

Matte kudasai - “Please wait!” (informal)

Ochitsuite - “Be quiet” or “hush”

Kanpeki - “Perfect”.

Saa, ressun wo hajimemashou ka? - “So… Shall we begin the lesson?”

Itte kudasai - “Please say” (this tone mimics how a teacher would ask students in a classroom)

Oppai - "Breasts" or "Tits"- vulgar term

Kiite kudasai - “Please listen” (this tone mimics how a teacher would ask students in a classroom)

Jodan desu ne? - “You’re joking?” or “This is a joke, right?”

Jodan ja nai - “I’m not joking” or “This is not a joke.”

Ripīto shite kudasai - “Repeat this exactly as I said it” or “Repeat after me” (this tone mimics how a teacher would ask students in a classroom)

Kimi-ga hoshii - “I want you” (carnally - male form)

Anata ga hoshii - “I want you” (carnally - female form)

Nureteru - “It’s wet” or “You’re wet” or “So wet.”

Irete hoshii - “Put it in” or “I want it now!” (carnal)

Yabai - “Very bad” but in this context it’d be more like “This is bad because what you did turned me on a lot.” or “Oh fuck!”

Nama ga ii - “I want to be close” but the meaning is more “I want it bareback” or “skip the condom” in this case.

Subarashii - “Wonderful”

Motto Fukaku - “Deeper”

Machigatte imasu - “That’s incorrect” (this tone mimics how a teacher would tell students in a classroom)

Hakkiri hatsuon shite kudasai - “Please enunciate when you say it” (this tone mimics how a teacher would tell students in a classroom)

Hidoi desu - “You’re awful” or “You’re the worst”

Kawaisou - “You poor baby” (mocking/insulting word - avoid this unless you are purposely picking a fight)

Mite kudasai - “Please look closely at this” (this tone mimics how a teacher would tell students in a classroom)

Motto hayaku - “Faster”

Chotto matte kudasai - “Hold up a minute” or “Please wait a moment”

Oooki/Ookii ka? “It’s big.” or “Oh really? Is it big?”

Motto yukkuri - “Slower” - In this case, you might say this to someone who was speaking too fast but it could also be used to say “take me slower” during sex. Shigaraki i pointing out that when you said this during class he was having dirty fantasies about hearing it in another context.

Onegai - “Please” but in a begging form.

Sugei kawaii - “You’re adorable”

Yokatta? - “Is this better?” or “(Are you) relieved?”

Kimochi ii - “It feels sooooo good.”

Gaman dekinai - “I can’t hold back”

Daijoubu - “It’s okay” or “I’m okay”

Chotto hayaku - “A little faster”

Chotto? - “A little?” (Contextual Meaning - “Are you serious? I just told you I can’t hold back and you’re asking me to speed up just a little? I’m dying here!”

Shizuka ni shite kudasai - “Would you please be a bit more quiet?” or a very polite “Please shut up” like you would use to reprimand a child at daycare or a colleague at work.

Hentai - “Pervert”. Also the term for animated porn

Nakadashi wa ii da yo - “It’s okay to cum inside” or “creampie me”

Dame - “No good!” or “You can’t” or “Don’t do that”

Ripīto shiro - “You will fucking repeat what I said!” - Very rude/rough/coarse command.

Iku - “I’m coming” (This phrase has a double meaning just like in English - can be “I’m coming along” or very sexual)

Ore no Sotsugyousei-san - “My little Miss/Mister Graduate” (possessive - like owning an object).

Oyasumi - “Sleep tight”

[luvnami]

𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 (here) | 𝐖𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 | 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 | 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 - This is my entry for @jjkmag​ Summer Collab! It’s my first long fic in a while but I had a lot of fun writing this (that isn’t to say I think it’s very good. I hope the plot/finality was pulled off decently ok lol). I hope you enjoy it! I chose the prompt 'coming of age', though there are definitely scenes where the other prompts were present as well. Reblogs, comments, shares and likes are really appreciated!!

𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - @getousuguruwife​ @amjustagirl​ @aliteama​

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 - Amnesia, Memory loss, Blood, Mild gore, Death, Blood loss, Bullying, Mild Racism (only in the first part), Corpses, Food, Manga spoilers, Pre-canon and canon compliant to a certain extent, Nightmares

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 - Nanami Kento's life has been... Good, bad, and everything in between. He (and many others) thinks he's mature, independent, the definition of what a proper adult should be like. But really, the only way he's made it this far is because you've been holding his hand the entire time.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 6.4k

The first memory Nanami has of you sits in a blurry haze at the back of his mind.

You’re probably four or five years old at best, squatting by a puddle in the empty kindergarten playground. Nanami wonders what made him waddle over to you that warm afternoon.

His shoes, scribbled with ugly caricatures in marker, carry him to the other side of the puddle. A shadow cast by a plastic slide slices your features neatly in half like a Greek theatre mask. Nanami doesn’t speak a word to you as he stares at your chubby fingers that push a fallen leaf around in the water as the surface ripples silently.

You look up at Nanami. He’s an odd child, excluded by the other kindergarteners because of how quiet and strange he is. Nanami’s blond hair is abnormal to the immature local Japanese children. They knee the back of his legs while calling him names like ‘banana-gaijin!’ and making fun of his fancy leather shoes.

“Do you wanna play with me?”

Nanami wonders if the words you speak to him are from your heart or something constructed from a plan to bully him again.

“My mama taught me how to make boats with leaves. See?” You point to the puddle. “We can race them.”

Nanami carefully selects a leaf off of the playground’s floor. It’s still green, freshly fallen from its branch. You grin toothily, your eyes sparkling.

“That’s a perfect leaf!” you declare.

Nanami thinks he wants to play with you forever.

He follows you around in school like a lost puppy after that, clutching his hands nervously when you stand up to the children who bully him. Nanami wonders if you’ll ever turn your back on him. He arrives earlier than you every morning and hurriedly scrubs at your table with his handkerchief to get rid of nasty words and obscene drawings, heart thumping against his cotton polo. When his mother asks him why his new handkerchief is so dirty, he remains silent and grips the hem of his shirt tightly.

Children are children; Nanami learns. Afraid of abnormalities, they defend their right to innocence and ego with harsh words and various schemes. He learns to ignore the whispers behind his back. What he can’t disregard, though, is when they lash out at you.

They jeer when you trip during P.E. classes and bump into you on purpose when you carry your lunch tray. You pretend that it doesn’t hurt when Nanami holds your hand gently and leads you to the nurse’s office with scraped knees, hiccuping and swiping at your eyes roughly.

He wonders why you don’t take the easy way out and just stop being friends with him. What’s wrong with you? You hold him tightly, a bundle of thorns, in your soft hands and pretend that you’re not bleeding.

“Ken-chan?” you sniffle.

He turns.

“You’re my best friend, right?”

Nanami gulps. He doesn’t question why you cry on graduation day, bidding your final farewell to him with vague promises of meeting in the same elementary school. Something in his chest doesn’t sit right; the kind of feeling when his mother threw out his old stuffed toys after she deemed him too old for them anymore.

He watches you grow smaller and smaller in the rear window of his family car till you’re the size of an ant, his knees digging into the leather seats.

“Sit down, Kento,” his father chides.

Nanami ignores him. He watches you wave your hand in the air as the car turns around the corner and lurches into the seat.

☆*: .｡.

Nanami’s genuinely surprised when he finds out that his assigned seat is right next to you on the first day of elementary school. You’re no different, mouth wide open in an ‘o’ as you stare at him.“Ken-chan!”

You almost yell, and Nanami shushes you as his face heats up. He finds out that your mothers had conspired to put the both of you into the same school. He can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing just yet, but peace settles into his chest the same way the wings of a bird return to its sides after flight when you giggle at his flustered expression.

Through nine years of elementary and junior high school together, Nanami learns that you always arrange the tips of your pencils to face the right side of your pencil box, and you keep the torn bits of movie tickets shoved into your bedside drawer. You find that Nanami has a knack for dry humour — he’s blunt at every moment possible (which caused much distress after he talked back to a teacher that one time) and can usually be bribed for any favour as long as you pay him in food.

What the both of you find oddly shocking, though, is that no one else can see the creatures that swim through walls and perch in dark corners of the school.

They make you sweat whenever they get too close, bulbous eyes and strange bodies twisting in ways that shouldn’t be physically possible. Sometimes they make noises, whispering or coaxing or shrieking or crying in broken sentences.

Nanami learns to treat them as background noise. You, on the other hand, find that a little more complicated. Sometimes you latch onto him when one brushes against your arm, squeaking and swatting at them in an attempt to chase them away.

“They’re so gross!” you’d whine, pressing yourself even closer to Nanami. “Did you see that one in the gym yesterday? It had tentacles!”

In cases like this, the blond clears his throat and ignores you, averting his gaze. He doesn’t admit to anyone, not even himself, that the warmth of your skin through your uniform makes his heart skip a beat. You’ve grown so close to him that you even know that Nanami sleeps with Doraemon pajamas (absolutely, abhorrently embarrassing. He made his mother throw them out the night after you came over for a sleepover). It was inevitable for him to develop feelings.

Nanami shoves his feelings below a lid and sits on top of it, keeping them under lock and key. He’s sure this is just something to do with puppy love or ‘infatuations’ that are underlined in the puberty print-outs the school distributed, alongside scientific diagrams of genitals that the boys in his class giggle at.

Being friends is enough. Or so he thinks, anyway.

☆*: .｡.

It’s a Friday evening when the sky is dark, and street lights flicker in the distance. Nanami munches away on melon bread from a convenience store while you sip on a carton of juice. Your clubs had ended late today, so the sun was down by the time you left school.

“How’s the bread?” you ask, slurping up the last drops of your drink.

Nanami chews and swallows while you dab at your mouth with a yellow cotton handkerchief.

“It’s okay. Not as good as a bakery’s, though. Kinda stale.”

He crumples the plastic packaging in his hand and sticks it into his pocket, planning to dispose of it later. The both of you round the corner to the bus stop, and your feet fall still. A large curse sits in the middle of the road.

Numerous cars are crumpled like drink cans, smoke, and gasoline leaking onto the streets. There’s blood. Too much blood, in fact, that they seem like puddles of rain on the dark tarmac. Your juice box drops from your hand.

The curse turns to you, its teeth split vertically down the centre of what constitutes a face. Multiple eyes run down the length of its engorged body where various hands and feet stick out at random parts.

“Blood… Blood…” it moans in a cryptic voice.

Nanami stands with his feet frozen to the ground, eyes wide in horror. His knuckles turn white as he grips his school bag. Run, run, run! He screams internally, but his limbs don’t listen to him. The curse slides over the road towards him, slipping through the blood easily.

“Give me… Your blood…”

A part of the curse’s body bubbles up into a large hand. It swings itself back before throwing its newly created appendage towards Nanami. RUN RUN RUN! His legs don’t move. He squeezes his eyes shut, awaiting the impact. Except that it doesn’t hit him. Nothing hurts, except the shrill scream that pierces his ears. Nanami’s eyes snap open in horror. 

“Kento!” you yell, dangling upside down as the curse pulls you towards its mouth.

Your school bag lays on the ground below, books scattered as their pages turn red.  

“Run!”

Nanami drops everything as he scrambles towards you, tripping over his own two feet and landing face-first in the blood. His hands and knees sting. He shoves himself and gets up with his teeth clenched. You kick your feet in the air in a poor attempt to escape the curse’s grip but to no avail. Another groan is squeezed out of you as the curse opens its mouth, the foul stench of rotting bodies engulfing you.

“Run, Kento!” you plead.

How can he turn his back on you? Sweat drips down his forehead as Nanami pulls his hand back. The adrenaline that rushes through his blood clears in a split-second moment of raw emotion; anger, disappointment, confusion, sadness. A tingling sort of energy floods his body, and Nanami takes a sharp breath of air. He sees something like a ruler — a line divided equally with ten markings, the seventh one crossed out. His fist connects with it.

The curse lets out a weak moan of pain, shaking you around as it recoils from Nanami’s hit. It’s not much, just a surface injury at most. Nanami’s limbs tremble with exertion. One more time, again and again, until you’re safe-

A thick, gross liquid engulfs Nanami as the curse explodes in front of his very eyes. He coughs, running a slimy hand over his face. It smells like death.

“Woah! You put too much into that again, Satoru.” 

“Shut up!”

Nanami looks up as he hears footsteps move towards him, the quiet splashing of blood beneath shoes.

“Ugh, this place is so gross.”

“You okay there, kiddo?”

Nanami looks up to find a male with his hair pulled back into a bun staring at him. Behind him is a white-haired teenager with sunglasses (strange, hasn’t the sun already gone down?) and an imposing-looking man.

Where are you?

Nanami glances around frantically amidst the dead bodies that lie on the ground. Not you, not you, not- A tiny sliver of hope slips into his heart when he spots your uniform, and he stumbles over.

“Woah! Slow down!”

He calls out your name, slipping and collapsing onto his knees. Your eyes are closed, and a wound on your head oozes blood. A young girl with short hair reaches out to touch you, but Nanami pulls you into his chest, his eyes wide.

“Don’t,” he whispers.

His head spins. Are these good people? How did they just destroy that big monster? He hadn’t even seen them coming. Were they going to hurt you?

“Calm down, man! We’re good guys.”

“No one’s going to trust you when you say that, Satoru.”

The girl stares at Nanami.

“I’ll take care of your injuries. Can you let me see them, please?”

He relaxes. His grip on you loosens, and the girl feels for your pulse, nodding in affirmation.

“Alive.”

Nanami breathes a sigh of relief. At this realisation, his body begins to tremble like a leaf in the wind. He digs his nails into his palms but still they quiver. His heart pounds in his chest and he struggles to take a deep breath, exhaustion overtaking him.

“Hey, you okay?”

His eyes fall shut. 

☆*: .｡.

Nanami finds out over a hot cup of tea that those monsters are called curses, and not everyone can see them.

“Lucky you!” Gojo chimes in.

Lucky? His face wrinkles in despair and Getou laughs so loud at his reaction that he has to step out of the room.

Nanami had sustained minor injuries — nothing beyond a few scrapes and some trauma. You were fine for the most part. After hitting your head on the ground, you remained unconscious for a few more days after Nanami had woken up. You were covered in a few bruises, but otherwise alright. 

Nanami was infinitely thankful for that

Yaga tells him that he has enough aptitude to become a full-fledged sorcerer. The school he teaches at is called Jujutsu High and is located on the outskirts of Tokyo. Since he’s in his final year of junior high, why not give it a thought if he wants to join them? Nanami holds Yaga’s name card numbly.

He looks up at Yaga, only one objective clear in his mind. He doesn’t want to see you hurt any longer.

“Will you teach me how to exorcise curses?” he asks.

Gojo laughs outrightly and Geto snorts. Yaga gives him a confident smile, clapping Nanami on the shoulder (he doesn’t quite like that, but he overlooks it for now).

“You can count on that.”

☆*: .｡.

Nanami’s a little apprehensive about entering Jujutsu High, especially when you decide to enrol as well. Given the ability to see curses, you were adamant about learning to help others with this ability you were gifted with. He relented and sulked for the rest of the day until you gave him a cup of pudding.

The first day Nanami and you enter Jujutsu Tech, you meet a wide-eyed boy named Haibara Yu. He’s overly optimistic and passionate — precisely the kind of person that Nanami tires of interacting with. In fact, the very first thing Haibara says upon meeting the both of you irritates him.

“Woah! Blondie, are you from an emo band or something? Your hair really matches the vibe!” Haibara had gasped.

You struggled to suppress your giggles, biting on your lower lip as you turned to the side. Nanami, on the other hand, didn’t find it quite as funny.

“No, I’m not. Nice to meet you too,” he replied monotonously.

It takes all of the following month for Nanami to get used to Haibara’s eccentricities. He always does his best during training, mingles enthusiastically with the upperclassmen and chows down on at least two bowls of rice during break time. The most annoying part about him is how Haibara seems to get along so well with you.

You laugh too loudly for Nanami’s liking at his jokes, squeeze in between Haibara and him (brushing shoulders with the both of them! Seriously!) when they’re standing together just to listen in on Haibara’s monologuing, and sometimes even end up sparring with him instead of Nanami.

The blond curses that there is an odd number of first years and peers in the mirror after his shower as he wonders what he would look like with a black bowl cut. He even tries to finish more than one serving of ginger pork on one particular day and gets sent to the school nurse for a tummy ache.

Though, the three of you have chemistry that works out when fighting curses. Nanami is the primary damage dealer of the group, while you learn how to provide support with Haibara and create openings for Nanami to attack. So on your first ‘real group mission’ assigned to you by Yaga, you can’t help but set off with overflowing excitement.

It isn’t often that you have the opportunity to step outside of Jujutsu High on your own without supervision. Even on weekends, you’re usually expected to train or study. The sun shines warmly down upon the streets of Asakusa, and tourists and locals alike swarm the city area.

“Hey! We should totally give Sensou-ji Temple a visit later!” Haibara suggests, pumping his fist in the air.

“We’re not here to sightsee,” Nanami sighs.

“That’s what you said the last time we went to Okinawa, and guess what, Nanamin! We didn’t even get to try their sushi!”

“Yeah, and you forgot to bring back souvenirs for me, Ken-chan,” you chime in.

“I told you to stop adding -chan to my name.” 

“Why not? Doesn’t it sound cute?” 

“Mhm!”

Haibara nods furiously. Nanami ignores the both of you with a sigh. He slings a bag containing his sword over his shoulder once more as the crowd barely makes space for you to move through.

“We can’t take too long,” he relents.

The cheers and high-fives that you and Haibara give each other make a vein bulge on Nanami’s temple. He tries not to read too much into the way you immediately begin discussing what places to visit and eat at with Haibara — didn’t you care for his opinion? He shakes his head and increases his pace, leaving the both of you behind.

Nanami ignores the cries of ‘Ken-chan!’ and ‘Nanamin!’ that ring out through the crowd. Whatever. If you want to be with Haibara, then Nanami will gladly get out of the way for you. He drags his feet on the pavement and settles for a cup of iced tea in a nearby cafe gloomily.

What Nanami is doing is… childish. He knows, at the very least, that he should be happy the both of you have met a nice new friend. But he can’t help the jealousy that rises in his chest like smoke in a chimney when he sees you cling onto Haibara the same way you used to do to him.

Was Haibara nicer, more good-looking, stronger, funnier, gentler, better than every single trait in Nanami combined? You no longer ask Nanami how he slept the previous night, instead running over to Haibara and greeting him cheerily. Forget about how you used to come over to Nanami’s house to study after school — you and Haibara disappear to who knows where after training everyday.

He bites down on his straw. The bitter taste of a lemon seed fills his mouth and Nanami spits it out onto a napkin with more force than necessary. He takes a deep breath. He should make things clear to you, then, and let you know how he feels about you. To him, it sounds a little like love.

Nanami’s face flushes with embarrassment. Love is… Love isn’t this. It definitely isn’t getting jealous over your relationships with other people, nor is it forcing you to accept his feelings out of spite. He finishes the last bit of his iced tea, the straw making a gurgling noise as it fails to suck up any more liquid. He leaves his money by the counter and walks back outside, returning his heart back to its safe, clicking the lock shut once more. His shoulders sag as he lets out a pent-up sigh.

Nanami squints at his phone. The golden sunlight makes it difficult to read his messages, but he manages to pick out four missed calls from you and a hundred text messages from Haibara. His blood runs cold when he scrolls to the last text that he received.

Haibara Yu, 4.25p.m.:  curse help 6 cho

It’s currently 4.35p.m. 6-chome is a 15 minutes walk away, five minutes if he sprints fast enough. Nanami hopes that you’re okay, that Haibara has enough sense to call for other back-up or avoid the curse.

Nanami’s feet pound under him as he shoves his way through the crowds, earning distasteful looks and swears. He doesn’t care. Not when you and Haibara are facing a possible grade 2 curse alone, and not when it’s because of Nanami’s irresponsibility and useless emotions that had caused the three of you to be separated.

His breath comes quick and hard and his thighs burn, screaming for relief. He makes a sharp turn and almost crashes into a bicycle.

“Watch where you’re going!” an angry housewife yells, but her words fall on deaf ears.

Just a little more, he begs.

Nanami hears the fighting before he sees it. The sound of metal meeting metal and the roar of the curse sound uncharacteristically comforting to him as he draws his sword, racing to bear a fighting stance.

But he’s too late.

“Yu!” you cry out as Haibara crumples onto the ground.

His eyes meet Nanami’s. His uniform is tattered, face bearing wounds and his right arm is bent at an unnatural shape, almost like a knotted tree branch. You seem relatively unhurt, although your breathing is laboured.

“Kento,” Haibara wheezes.

Nanami’s feet don’t move. His chest heaves, perspiration pouring down his face and drenching his uniform. The grip on his sword slips ever so slightly. The curse stands at the end of a ruined district. You aren’t trained to fight in such close quarters, or reduce the number of casualties to a bare minimum. 

And Nanami hadn’t been here to provide damage to exorcise it.

“Who are you? Another small fry?” the curse scoffs.

It takes the body of a geisha, dressed in luxurious robes that whip about in the air. Consciousness? This isn’t a grade 2 by any means — it’s a special grade curse. The will to fight slips out of Nanami like water from a cup, trickling from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

“Haibara!” Nanami shouts.

The male gives Nanami one last smile from where he is.

“You’ve got it from here,” he whispers, lips barely moving.

The geisha stretches out its hand, a portion of its obi moving along with it. You and Nanami watch in horror as Haibara’s head is neatly decapitated from his body. His blood drips off of the ends of the robes as the curse cackles, his head rolling to a stop as his half-closed eyes stare up at Nanami like a dead fish’s.

“You think you can beat me? Look at your little friend!”

Fury rushes into Nanami like a wave meeting the shore.

“You’ll die here by my hands!” the curse roars.

You take a step back as the geisha prepares to launch another attack, silk sashes drawn back into the sky before they plunge back at you two in an aerial attack. Nanami leaps through the attacks as his body moves faster than he can process it.

You, on the other hand, create a shield out of cursed energy to try and deflect the attacks. At the very least, Haibara deserves a proper burial. There isn’t time for mourning now, and you have to wipe away the tears that pool in your eyes. You try to ignore the way his head rolls closer to your foot and bumps against it gently.

Nanami lets out a yell of anger. His cursed energy swells as he cuts his way through the sashes, movement based on momentum than anything else at this point. His mind is clouded with regret and frustration. Nanami channels his anger into his sword, the ten destined lines appearing before his eyes once more.

The curse lets out a cry of pain as it stumbles back, sashes redrawn as it tries to gauge its wounds. Blood gushes from a slash on its side and Nanami darts forward again — again, again, again, until its dead. His legs, however, are weaker than what he thinks they can bear. Nanami stumbles in his step.

“Ken!” you shout.

The curse grins. It takes little to no time to regenerate, skin overlapping raw flesh as it gets back onto its feet.

“You’re weak,” it taunts. “First your friend, now you. I’ll be sure to savour the last one as well!”

Nanami struggles to get back onto his feet. He gasps, heart ripping a hole through his chest. He’s so exhausted; so worn out, that his arms refuse to raise his sword above chest height. He curses.

You run over to Nanami, grabbing his uniform and dragging him back. The curse starts to chant ominously. Its face turns dark, taking steps that sway its body with thick, lacquered geta. You shove Nanami back as you’re engulfed by its domain, swallowed up by darkness and spit into a tatami room. He barely has time to call your name before you disappear.

“Shit!”

Nanami stumbles back onto his feet, but sinks down onto his knees again. His shoulders quake as he tries to suck in breaths of air, but his throat is too dry. He coughs and adjusts his grip on his sword. Shit, shit, shit. All of his partners tossed themselves at death as if it was an idle thing just to protect him. What was Nanami doing? He would never become a sorcerer like this, never be able to protect you.

He grits his teeth. He’ll never be enough.

Nanami picks up his sword, wrapping his fingers around its hilt one more time. He dashes towards the domain, tasting iron as he hacks and slashes at it. Again, again, and again. His hands turn numb and his cursed energy flickers like a candle’s flame, but there’s one thing Nanami’s insistent on — getting you out of there.

The domain finally collapses as Nanami finally steadies himself on his feet. You roll to the ground, breath shallow. Your uniform is sliced up in different areas and a pool of blood begins to spread where your head meets the floor.

“Ken…?” you whisper.

Nanami smells it — the scent of death. Why did he ever choose to become a sorcerer over an ordinary high school life? He wouldn’t have dragged you into this mess, caused you to be hurt time and time again. Nanami calls out your name tentatively. You don’t respond.

The curse roars with laughter as your eyes fall shut, “Don’t you see how I’m so strong? You’re nothing compared to me-”

Nanami sees red. He launches himself forward, brandishing his sword even if it’s for the last time.

He doesn’t remember what happens afterwards.

Nanami sinks into a pool of blood, head spinning with exertion. Your body lays to his left, Haibara’s head to his right. He collapses to the ground.

☆*: .｡.

When he comes to, Nanami’s eyes struggle to adjust to the white light that floods the room. It smells vaguely like antiseptic. He slowly sits up, body aching with exhaustion with telltale bandages wrapped around most of his exposed limbs.

A drawn curtain separates his bed from the rest of the room, which he assumes to be Jujutsu Tech’s sickbay. He runs a hand over his face and lies back down, letting sleep take him by the hand and lead him a step further from reality.

Nanami wakes up a second time when Shouko returns to the room. He stares at her, blinking once, then twice.

“Nanami?” she asks softly. “Can you hear me?”

He tries to reply, but his throat is parched. He ends up coughing, wrinkling his face as pain spreads through his ribs. Shouko rushes to get him a glass of water and calls the rest (namely Yaga and Gojo) over. Nanami nurses the glass as Yaga takes a seat by his bed.

There are no questions, only condolences and murmured explanations of what had happened. The only thing Nanami picks up is that you’re alive. That’s more than enough for him to relax, nodding dumbly along to Yaga’s words.

The curse had been on the brink of death when Nanami collapsed. However, he had put up enough of a fight for nearby sorcerers to come to his aid and finish it off. There was no doubt about it — it was a special grade curse. Yaga apologises for the miscommunication and loss of Haibara’s life. Nanami doesn’t reply.

No amount of apologies could turn back time and bring Haibara back.

It takes him a few more days before Nanami’s able to hobble around the school, aided by crutches. Gojo pokes fun at how he seems like a grandpa but even his jokes don’t bear the mean edge they usually do. Getou leaves a can of vending machine coffee by his bedside table and Shouko brings him some wildflowers. Nanami leaves the plush cat Yaga had made for him untouched.

Nanami struggles against the nightmares that plague him. In one Haibara cradles his decapitated head in his own arms, asking Nanami why he hadn’t saved his life; in another you die, guts spilling onto the streets with your eyes bulging from your skull. Nanami wakes up in cold sweat. He calms his breathing alone and doesn’t sleep a single wink.

It’s a rainy day when Shouko lets him enter the morgue. Haibara’s body is laid in a shroud of white, his head positioned to appear attached. Had he ever been so pale? Nanami’s fingers grip his crutches, gritting his teeth.

How long his eyelashes had been! A small scar runs down his left temple (“After my sister shoved me in the playground!” Haibara had chirped), and his bangs remain as perfectly cut as they had been when he died. Nanami half expects him to sit up, to grin and laugh at his twisted face.

“Why’re you so stiff, Nanami? It’s just a joke!” 

Justajokejustajokejustajoke.

A chasm opens up in Nanami’s stomach. His crutches clatter to the floor as he races out of the morgue, stumbling when pain shoots up his right leg. He retches dryly and tears pool in his eyes. Shouko silently covers Haibara and closes the door, Nanami’s tears falling alongside the pouring rain.

That night in his dreams, Haibara slices Nanami’s head off. He wakes up with his heart racing and tears slipping down his cheeks.

Nanami visits you the next day. He had been reluctant to do so — what if you blamed him for everything, for Haibara’s death and your injuries? He wouldn’t be able to bear it, to be hated by you. His hand hovers over your dorm doorknob, hesitating. Nanami takes a deep breath as he swallows his anxiety and opens the door.

It’s as if nothing had ever happened.

You sit on your bed, neatly tucked under the covers with a book sitting on your lap. Warm sunshine pours through the open windows and the penguin plush Nanami had won for you at a festival still sits by your desk. You look up when he walks in.

Nanami calls out your name. You stare at him.

“Sorry, but… Who are you?” you ask quietly, a sense of confusion lacing your words.

He stops by the door and Nanami’s heart sinks to his feet.

“I’m Kento. Nanami Kento,” he repeats, words tasting like ash in his mouth.

Checkered curtains flutter in the wind and the pages of your book butterfly open to an unread chapter. You keep your eyes focused on Nanami, eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion.

“I don’t know anyone by that name,” you reply.

☆*: .｡.

A toxic mix of trauma and a severe head injury had caused your amnesia. Nanami lays in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling. If only he hadn’t let his emotions overtake him, if only he had been there a minute earlier, if only if only if only. Regret dulls his sense of taste and emotions. He no longer takes joy in eating anything (even those croissants Getou had bought while out on a mission), nor does he even crack a smile at Gojo’s antics.

Nanami returns to training once he is physically well again. He becomes the only first-year to attend Yaga’s classes, sparring practice conducted with the second years. He goes out on missions alone and learns to provide both defense and offense for himself. Nanami trains, he exercises curses, he returns to school. He repeats this same cycle mindlessly over and over again. 

Time heals, they say. Nanami wonders how much time it must take for him to let go of everything.

Nanami learns to hide his disappointment. His face becomes a strong facade for whatever his weak heart truly feels. The quiet sigh he lets out when no one’s around, the stretching of his neck after yet another fruitless day of training — Nanami decides that he’ll leave the world of sorcery once he’s graduated.

Seasons change and Nanami becomes a second year, then a third year. Getou falls away. The seniors graduate and new freshmen enter the school. Nanami keeps these things in the back of his mind as he raises his sword for a countless time, striking the training doll with ease.

You work with Shouko in the infirmary, occasionally helping out with office work. The school had deemed it better to keep you under their care than to release you outside. Like a rehabilitated animal, Nanami thinks.

You still remember no memories of him. Nanami brings you sweets and souvenirs from his missions, letting you trace your fingers over the fancy packaging with a sparkle in your eye. At this, Nanami swallows back his confession of love once more. He can’t bear to burden you with his feelings.

You form new impressions of him. Nanami turns into the stone-faced and adorable boy who treats you like fine China, always sticking his hands out awkwardly when he tries to give you something. The tips of his ears burn red when he lies — especially when you ask him, “Nanami, did you buy this for me?” and he shakes his head furiously.

You think he’s kind. He comforts you when you cry over lost memories, unable to remember the faces in photographs that had once been so familiar. The first thing Nanami does after returning from a mission is to rush to you. Were you okay? Did you have your meals? One time, he came over without getting his injuries checked and collapsed by your feet. You scolded him after that, tenderly dressing his wounds.

“Nanami!” you said crossly, a pout on your face.

He tries to forget how he had asked you to stop calling him ‘Ken-chan’. He ducks his head, hissing when you douse his skin in antiseptic.

Some things don’t change, though. You still keep your pencil box immaculately neat — the tips of your stationery always pointing to the right side. Though you don’t have any more movie ticket stubs, you carefully clip the pictures of your childhood Nanami had given to you together and keep them under your pillow. 

One day, you munch on a yummy biscuit Nanami brought back for you. He sits on the floor and polishes his sword, peering at it from every angle to make sure it’s evenly oiled.

“Nanami?” 

He hums.

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like you’re from an emo boy band? Your hair matches it.” 

Your shy laugh rings out in the room as bile rises in Nanami’s throat. He sheathes his sword and lays it on the ground.  

“Yes, they have.”

He struggles to smile, his gut twisting.

☆*: .｡.

On graduation day, no one else but Nanami receives his certificate with a flower corsage pinned to his chest. The room is empty save for him and Yaga, the chirping of spring birds breaking the silence.

“I’m glad to have been able to teach you, Nanami,” Yaga broods. “You’ve grown a lot.”

Nanami does not reply. He bows deeply and strides out of the main building. All of a sudden, the traditional architecture and nature that surround Jujutsu High seems stifling. His skin crawls with the urge to leave as soon as possible. 

“Nanamin!”

He jumps. Turning around, he finds you grinning happily with a bouquet of flowers in hand.

“Congratulations on your graduation!” you chirp.

Nanami accepts the flowers awkwardly and rests them in the crook of his elbow, his other hand clutching his certificate. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves of nearby trees and a wave of sakura petals descend from their branches like rain.

“Nanamin,” your voice grows softer. “Are you leaving forever?”

He swallows, then nods wordlessly.

“Will I ever see you again?”

“I wanna be with you forever, Ken-chan!” you wailed.

“Forever’s a long time,” Nanami replied.  

He handed you his yellow cotton handkerchief, face wrinkling when you honked your nose into it. Gross. His neck hurt from sticking it out of the car window. He can hear his father tapping a finger onto the wheel impatiently, his mother silent as she stares out the front.

“B-but!” 

Your bottom lip quivered and Nanami let out a sigh.

“Fine, fine. I’ll be with you, okay?”

“Really, Ken-chan? Forever?”

“Yeah, really. Forever.”

You grinned in the waning sunlight as your mother tugged you away.

“I’ll never forget you, Ken-chan!” you shouted.

The car window rolled up and he watched you disappear into the horizon, turning as tiny as an ant.  

Nanami swallows his heart into the pit of his stomach.

“Probably.” 

“That’s not a definitive answer, Nanamin.”

“What do you want me to tell you, then?”

There’s a slight tremble in his voice. The plastic wrapping of the flowers crinkle under his grip and waves of emotions rush over him; the biggest out of all of them regret. He struggles to breathe underwater, keeping his eyes squeezed shut and nose plugged up. A sakura petal lands on his shoulder. He doesn’t bother brushing it away. 

“Say,” you whisper, taking a step to close the distance between Nanami and you.

He gulps as you place a hand upon his chest. He can feel the heat of your skin through his uniform and Nanami’s too dumbstruck to respond.

“Why don’t you give me your second button?”

Your eyes meet his. A smile toys with the corners of his lips and suddenly Nanami blurts out a nervous “Okay.”. His mind flickers back to Haibara momentarily; how you had appeared to like him so much back then. But he chooses to shove those memories into the back of his mind once more as you produce a small pair of scissors and snip the thread.

“You always take care of me, Nanamin. It was natural of me to fall in love with you,” you breathe, cradling the swirl patterned button in your hands.

A gust of cool air slips into his unbuttoned shirt and Nanami’s breath hitches.  

“Do you like me too?”

Your question is innocent. With the way you peer up at him, there’s no way that Nanami can lie. Your glittery eyes were the same ones he had fallen in love with all those years ago. He wonders if he still loves you in the same way as he did then; as faultless and innocent it had been. His heart sits on the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah, I do.”

Your eyes crinkle at the edges as you smile, an evident sigh of relief escaping your lips. You slip the button into your pocket before tugging Nanami even closer towards you. He yelps as your chest presses against his and the tips of his ears turn red.

You plant your lips by the side of his.