#fic idea: the hobbit

[teecupangel]

Desmond in middle earth? Idk, the idea just came to me, but like he is transported there and meets Bilbo (before the quest or after?)

For “Desmond getting booted to Middle Earth”, we have “Desmond takes his ancestors turned kids sightseeing and eavesdrop on the Fellowship” idea and “Desmond becomes the mentor of the Shire Brotherhood” idea in the comments of this post.

Now, you specified Desmond getting booted to Middle Earth and meeting Bildo (before or after the quest), so in this setup, let’s say Desmond gets booted after activating the device and he has no idea where or when he was then he meets an actual wizard. Desmond starts with the whole ‘probably POE related’ then, after Gandalf shows him enough magic to make him go “oh shit, that’s real magic, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck”, he’d be sorta lost, unsure of what to do because he’s not just been transported into some other time, he’s been kicked out of his own world.

So he just tags along to wherever Gandalf goes, acts as his sorta errand boy. But mostly, Gandalf teaches him about the world he was in, never asking why he did not know about any of these or why he seemed to be alright with a stranger following him around.

So when Gandalf met Thorin and they agreed in taking Smaug down, Desmond pretty much joined them in ‘inviting’ Bilbo.

Unorganized Notes:

Desmond would definitely feel a kindred spirit in Bilbo’s desire to not be part of any adventure and, while the world he was in had a lot of magical (weird) stuff, Desmond did feel that this was sorta more like a retirement for him. No Assassins or Templars to think about. No Isus to think about.

Bilbo is actually the reason why Desmond joined them on their journey. “Someone has to look for the little guy.”

He does get along with everyone and he understands their reason for wanting to kill Smaug. He does worry about Thorin though, especially when Desmond sees how Thorin tends to forgo reason and go with his ‘feelings’.

Desmond being there does mean Dori doesn’t have to carry Bilbo. Instead, Dori is in charge of keeping an eye on Desmond and Bilbo (to make sure they don’t wander or get into trouble). Balin still gets to be the cool old mentor to Bilbo and Desmond though (mostly Bilbo).

Desmond saw the shinies on Smaug’s pile and it took him all his willpower not to pocket something because, goddamn it, he wants some.

Desmond would probably be the one to notice something is wrong with the ring Bilbo got. It feels… wrong to him. Like it’s a POE but different. POEs to Desmond had never been malicious. If anything, they were always eager to be used by Desmond but the Ring… That specific Ring. It’s like it’s deliberately trying to keep Desmond away.

Desmond doesn’t necessarily know anything about Sauron as Gandalf only gave him a brief ‘background’ and he made it sound like Sauron is some kind of bad dude, not one of the most powerful Maiar still hellbent on conquering everything.

Desmond doesn’t know it but the reason why Gandalf is okay with all his strangeness is because Desmond feels familiar to Gandalf. Not the exact same feeling but close enough that Gandalf believes he is related to Varda.

Instead of Varda (associating Desmond with light and the stars), we can make Desmond feel similar to Mandos to associate him with his death back in his world and the fates that govern his entire life.

[tossawary]

I don't have a solid plot attached to this idea, I don't currently really have the desire to drop everything to go write "The Hobbit" fanfiction, but for a while I've had the idea of *gestures vaguely" some post-canon story (probably some form of fix-it) taking place before, during, and after a grand dwarven opera performance in Erebor.

Because I am absolutely certain that the Lonely Mountain had an absolutely stunningly beautiful Royal Opera House (and plenty of other, less grand performance halls) that, at the city's height, was putting at least one show every single day. Orchestral symphonies, operas and operettas, dramatic plays, dance performances... you name it, they had it and more. The various cultures of Middle Earth evidently ADORE music, dwarves absolutely included. The Company all bring instruments to Bag End to play and sing themselves off before their quest!

Also, beyond the music side of things, with how dwarves are named as master crafters? Smiths and toymakers and magicians? No way that they did not have some of the most gorgeous costumes, sets, and effects on the planet. Dwarves would go WILD with their articulated stage puppets, I know it.

One of my biggest issues with the film trilogy is that it failed to deeply explore the Company as people who had lost their home, beauty and culture included. Smaug not only killed countless people, entire families, and leave many of the survivors poor and desperate, the dragon went on to hoard their heirlooms and life's work and leave these priceless gold treasures UNUSED. It is an additional heartbreak to imagine Smaug tearing through Erebor neighborhood by neighborhood, house by house, so that he could tear out every gemstone in, say, mosaic made by someone's grandmother that sat above the breakfast table every morning. To think that Smaug in the aftermath tore magical lanterns off the walls, the sort that might have been decorated with animals or flowers, to make some daycare walkway just a little more cheery for the children, and in his greed left a dead city in the dark.

The live-action movies put both Smaug and the Balrog in these... absolutely enormous chambers that serve somewhat unclear purposes. The king's treasure vault and a former marketplace, I think? (Moria has been raised by goblins, I can forgive the emptiness.) It's a quick visual depiction of Thror's uncontrollable gold lust to give him a Scrooge McDuck room, sure, instead of anything with an actual organizational system (normally, I assume dwarves are big on sorting their vaults if they have one). Super big columns and hallways and staircases do somewhat effectively communicate the "lost glory" of Moria (I am very fond of these movies!!!), even if I also think it's not as interesting as it could have been. And the other obvious purpose of big, open warehouse-like spaces is 1) it's easier to animate the big creatures moving around in them generally and 2) it allows the films to show off the full-bodied visual spectacle of their big creatures.

But I think it would have also kicked ass to put Smaug in Erebor's former Royal Opera House or something, some enormous theatre decorated across generations. That could be big! The ART (statues, fountains, banners, windows, general architecture) that you could put on the exterior, which has had its face ripped open for the dragon to get inside? The ART that you could put INSIDE (mosaics, murals, and more) as Bilbo sneaks inside? Ohhh, you could include so many potential lore references with thematic relevance!

Also, Bilbo could get jump-scared by old articulated stage puppets or something. IT'S THE DRAGON-! Oh, no, it's some old opera prop. (Yes, we're talking more about an actual adaptation of "The Hobbit" rather than fanfiction concepts now.)

Sure, there's raw material treasure and coins hoarded here in this place, but there would also be musical instruments and toys and household tools and cookware and fancy dishes, wedding jewelry and anniversary gifts and family shrines and festival costumes, fountain statues and street lamps and mailboxes and business signs, and other evidence that people really LIVED here. These are all ordinary objects that Bilbo recognizes from the Shire.

We could tie these objects directly back to objects we saw featured in Bilbo's home early in this adaptation, which he was trying to "protect" from the dwarves during their "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates" song. There are half-burned portraits of people's late parents here too. Did he think that there weren't any dwarves who made doilies or handkerchiefs embroidered with flowers? Of course they made things like that too.

It's perfectly symbolic to, say, place Smaug's bed in an area like the king's throne room. The dragon is now the King Under The Mountain. But I think it would be deliciously haunting to have the throne room of Erebor be empty, the throne half-broken, the silver stripped from the walls and moved elsewhere, because Smaug doesn't care about Thror's old audience chamber. What's a dwarf king to a dragon? He burns the same as all the others. The dragon has instead made his bed in a beautiful public place of art and culture that was for the people, by the people, surrounded by the lovingly crafted belongings of the ordinary people he killed. Gold is gold to a dragon whether it's in a coin or a candlestick.

I think if you really want to sell one of the key messages of "The Hobbit", which in my opinion is: "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." then you ought to throw yourself behind EREBOR being a place where food and cheer and song had value, not just the Shire. Thorin isn't lost at the end because he's a dwarf and dwarves don't value such things, but because he as a specific person who makes the mistake of weighing pride and gold over people, and he comes to regret that on his deathbed.

So, back to the fanfiction idea, I think that Erebor had music again in it as soon as dwarves started living in it again. It will take decades and decades before the Royal Opera House is half as splendid as it was before, and there is a performance there with beautiful costumes and puppets and sets comparable to those that came before, some traditional historical show that is part of specific seasonal holiday for dwarves. But that very first winter, when the future still looked grim, I think the dwarves cleared out a small stage and cast the roles of this traditional musical retelling of their history among them, based on who knew the parts best, because they aren't just miners and smiths and soldiers, and there was music again in Erebor that winter despite all the damage that the dragon did.

[pilkypills]

Reductively going in circles in my brain over who is the most “unusual” dwarf among the company (Kili’s human appearance, Fili’s association with plants, Bofur’s geniality, Ori’s cut hair and Bilbo-like mannerisms, Dori’s tidiness, etc etc) when its honestly actually pretty correct to say that they are ALL odd. Among the population of dwarves across Middle Earth these are the only ones willing to go with Thorin to Erebor in the first place. A fool’s errand. Likely to end in failure or death. They are the small few who will try anyway. That decision in itself makes it very clear that none of them are normal. Pretty freakin cool.

[thorin]

i wrote a little something that i have no idea if i'll continue, but i just really wanted to write a bagginshield fic through kíli's point of view, i thought it'd be fun. so enjoy!

tw: a bit of angst, mention of blood, but nothing too graphic, or excessive.

Contrary to popular belief, Kíli was not stupid.

He knew there'd been something going on between his uncle and Mr. Baggins the second he saw him break a smile —which was already suspicious— at Bilbo at the Carrock before hugging him —even more suspicious— after he'd defended his uncle from what was certain death.

Now don't get him wrong, he was more grateful to Bilbo than he could ever say. He saved Thorin's, and Fíli's, and his life too many times to count. He'd stayed after the battle had died down, and helped the healers, elven and dwarven alike, tend to the wounded and bury the fallen. He'd spent his entire days helping Bombur cook food at the makeshift camp they'd set at the base of the mountain, and when he wasn't cooking, he was stealing peaches and apples from the elves' food carts just for him and Fíli when they were bedridden. And he'd sit beside Thorin and wait for him to wake up when his nephews couldn't be there for him.

Kíli really liked Bilbo. He'd grown on him, all of them, truly. He just couldn't believe someone so small could be so brave, and feisty!

Which is why he was extremely confused when he'd heard Bilbo would be going home after Thorin had woken up.

His first reaction was that he felt abandoned. How could a member of their company simply choose to leave after all they'd been through together? He almost shouted his disagreement, before Fíli took his arm, shaking his head, and looked right at Bilbo: tear tracks on his dirty face. Maybe he wasn't leaving by choice.

He looked to his uncle, sat up against the wooden bedpost. His jaw was set and his adam's apple bobbed, as if it were physically hurting him to not speak up. His eyes were transfixed by Bilbo's back, like if he tried hard enough, his eyes could tell Bilbo all he wouldn't say.

Understanding flashed through Kíli's mind in a second. But it was too late. He tried speaking up again, aware of this new piece of information that he'd uncovered, but Thorin wouldn't have it. And it was frustrating Kíli greatly, because he'd never heard his uncle, his brave, tenacious uncle, speak with such a small, hoarse voice before, and say that if Bilbo wishes to leave, then he is free to go, with his blessing.

None of it rang true. How did no one notice? Why wasn't anyone saying anything?

By the time he'd looked at Bilbo again, he was already out of the tent, backpack on his shoulders.

Kíli was not proud of how he acted. He'd shouted at Thorin, painfully aware of his uncle's feeble health, but unable to contain his grief: he'd killed hundreds and seen another hundred killed, he'd almost lost his brother and uncle, and almost left his mother all alone in this world, and now his friend was leaving him, leaving them all. He'd fought relentlessly for months, why couldn't his uncle fight just a little longer, a little more? Why wouldn't he fight for his family like he said he always would?

Oin kicked Kíli out of the tent the second he saw Thorin's bandages become red. He was horrified. He'd never dream of hurting Thorin, but everything felt wrong. He'd never once cried on this journey. Not when his uncle was knocked unconscious by that foul orc, nor when he'd lost the rune stone given to him by his mother. But now he couldn't hold it in. It all came pouring out as someone —his brother, surely— held him, kneeled down on the ground. He wept until the stars came out.

────────

Months had passed ever since Azsâlul'abad was reclaimed. The harsh Eastern winter had finally given way to spring's sunshine rays, and although the mountain's citizens couldn't say they lived an easy life, they had food and a roof over their heads, which was more than they'd had for years. More and more dwarves were coming home from all over Middle-Earth, as word of Smaug's death was starting to spread. Reconstruction was slow, but steady, and life had shaped itself into a vibrant routine under the Lonely Mountain.

Kíli and Fíli had been crowned princes, and Thorin had been crowned king. His mother had finally come to join them on a caravan she lead from Shahrulbizad, and each member of the company was appointed to some sort of important position in the king's court. It was difficult for Kíli and his brother to get used to their new lives as royalty and the responsibilities that came along with it, and Kíli was grateful for any moment of respite he could have away from the eccentric Iron Hills nobles and Balin's royal classes. His days all looked the same, and yet he found he just couldn't get used to this new life.

Thorin, Kíli had noticed, clearly felt the same, though there was no running away for him. For any person that didn't know his uncle, they'd think he looked perfectly normal, if only a little stern. But Kíli knew that look. It was the same one he'd wear on his face when he attended feasts, sat at his throne, silent, while everybody around him drank and laughed. Or when he attended meetings with the court. Or when he watched Bilbo leave, a winter ago.

Kíli was not stupid. He saw how much his uncle suffered, and how much every single member of the company missed their friend. He missed Bilbo, too.

Which is why he sent a letter adressed to Bilbo Baggins of Bag End in the Shire, pretending to be Thorin II, King Under the Mountain, begging him to come back.

Surely that would solve everybody's problem. Right?

[atlantablack]

from a groundhog day fic I may or may not ever finish

He’s alone in the throne room when Bilbo finds him, a miserable look on his face. It’s been quite some time since he’s seen Bilbo look this unhappy and even with the arkenstone forefront in his mind he still finds the space to worry about it. Focuses on the tight lines of his mouth and the trembling of his hands and feels nothing but worry. 

Bilbo who helped him reclaim Erebor. Who is as precious to Thorin as the gold in the next room. Once the arkenstone was found and the thieves at his front door were dispersed, once he had time and space, he would make sure that Bilbo had a place of honor at his side. 

“Bilbo,” he says, blinking furiously as he tries to stay focused. “Are you well? Has something happened?” 

Bilbo shakes his head and comes to a stop in front of the throne, dropping to his knees in front of Thorin. It’s so out of character that for a minute Thorin’s vision tilts. 

“Bilbo,” he says again, softer, pressing a hand to Bilbo’s cheek and tilting his head up. While it is a dream to have Bilbo in front of him this way he doesn’t like the grief filling his burglar’s eyes. “Tell me, what has happened?”

“I’m sorry,” Bilbo says, a sob working its way out of his mouth after the words. “I keep messing up and I’m going to mess up again but I’m trying.” 

He frowns, not sure what Bilbo is speaking of. “I do not understand.” 

Bilbo smiles at him, tragedy written in every line of his face. “I know. But I needed to say it anyway.” 

“This isn’t going to work, but, I’m going to try anyway, okay?” Bilbo pauses, studying Thorin’s face like he’s looking for something. Thorin doesn’t know what but he would give it to Bilbo if he can. 

“Just,” Bilbo swallows, presses into the hand Thorin still hasn’t removed from his face. “Just, please, don’t hate me, okay?” 

“I could not,” he says, wondering what could have happened to make Bilbo think otherwise. It does not once occur to him that betrayal could come from the one in front of him and more fool him. He is blinded by his regard for the hobbit and so, when Bilbo reaches into the pocket of his robe, he has no expectations. 

None, until he catches a glimpse of light playing off of Bilbo’s fingers. No, he thinks, breath catching. The room tilts dangerously and he doesn’t realize that his fingers are digging into Bilbo’s face until he whimpers. 

In the end the most remarkable thing about having the arkenstone pressed into his hand is not the arkenstone at all. It is the tears silently streaming down Bilbo’s face as he presses the stone into Thorin’s hand, his fingers curl over Thorin’s, the stone hidden between their hands. 

“How long have you had this?” Thorin asks, knows his voice has gone dangerous, but he’s helpless to stop the fury licking at the base of his spine.

Bilbo closes his eyes and in the smallest voice Thorin has ever heard from him says, “From the beginning. I found it almost as soon as I went into the treasury.” 

Thorin can’t breathe, the betrayal so strong he feels as if he’s going to drown. For all that he had thought someone would take the stone he had not truly believed Bilbo capable of such a thing. “You,” he says. “You would steal from me.” 

“No, no, I didn’t steal it,” Bilbo says and he sounds as if he believes this. “I was scared to give it to you, Thorin. I’m still scared. You’ve gone somewhere I can’t follow and I don’t know how to help you.” 

“I have gone nowhere,” he says, frowning and realizing that it’s true, Bilbo is terrified, is shaking under Thorin’s hand. It doesn’t erase the fury but it tempers it. He is trying to understand. Feels as if there’s a fog in his mind as he tries. He wants to understand though, does not want to believe that Bilbo could betray him so thoroughly without a reason.

Bilbo tries to shake his head but Thorin’s hand holds him steady. “You’ve gone away into your own mind,” he says, looking up at Thorin with wet, pleading eyes. “You’re sick Thorin. I need you to break out of it.” His voice breaks and he’s a liar, a pretty liar, but a liar nonetheless. 

Thorin pulls away, holds the arkenstone up to his face and finds it as beautiful as he remembers. He looks back down at Bilbo and finds nothing but grief looking back.

“Get out,” he says, the words heavy in his mouth. “Leave Erebor. I will grant you safe passage only because you did, in the end, give me what is rightfully mine.”

But Bilbo is already shaking his head. “No,” he says, a stubborn tilt to his mouth. “No. I’m not leaving you.”

Thorin barely thinks before backhanding him “GET OUT,” he roars. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, there’s shrieking. Dwalin and Nori come running in and for a minute stop dead in the doorway.

Bilbo’s sprawled on the dais, one hand to the blistering red of his cheek, but he still sits back up, eyes terribly wide and betrayed, and says, “No.”

Thorin can see him trembling. Can see Nori, his jaw set, creeping towards them as if Thorin would not notice. “You will leave,” he says, leaning down to the hiss the words in Bilbo’s face, “or I will make you.”

Bilbo’s chin tilts up. “Then make me, Thorin.” And then, like he has no concept of how much danger he is in, he tips forward and presses his forehead to Thorin’s. “I can’t leave you,” he murmurs into the space between them. “I can’t watch you die again.”

Thorin feels frozen. The press of Bilbo’s forehead to his overwhelming. He clenches the arkenstone in his fist until it bites into his skin and dimly, he thinks that he should be concerned about breaking it.

“Get out,” he says again, voice gone unaccountably soft. “I do not want you here. Traitor.”

“Like I said, make me,” Bilbo says, leaning even closer, the words ghosting over Thorin’s mouth.

Bilbo’s mouth, when it finally brushes his, is soft. He presses against Thorin so sweetly and for a minute Thorin wavers. Presses back. Thinks, please, thinks, let me have this one beautiful thing. He wavers—

—and then he pushes Bilbo down the dais stairs. It is not a long fall but Bilbo falls easily and with a resounding thunk as his body hits the bottom. Nori is at his side before Thorin can blink, pulling him to his feet and pulling him towards the door. Thorin feels so dizzy he could fall over.

“You’re a fool,” Dwalin says from the bottom of the stairs.

“I am king,” he says, voice raspier than it should be. “I will not tolerate thieves and traitors.”

“Aye, but you have always been my king. Even without that stone. You used to know that.”

“Get out,” he snaps.

Dwalin leaves and Thorin stares down at the arkenstone for a very long time. Feels like his head is splitting apart. Feels like his heart has torn itself asunder. He’s not sure when he falls to his knees in front of the throne but he’s listening to Bilbo’s voice on repeat, You’ve gone somewhere that I can’t follow. Thinks of Dwalin’s words and the grief that had seemed to pass from Bilbo to Dwalin. A shared grief that Thorin can’t understand, doesn’t want to understand. You’ve gone somewhere that I can’t follow.

The arkenstone, when he throws it across the hall, does not shatter, but Thorin’s head feels clearer than it has in days and so of course, the guilt comes pouring in. By the time Bard and Thranduil arrive the gold haze has almost completely cleared from his mind.

It doesn’t fix anything.

——

“Thorin,” Bilbo gasps, sliding to his knees next to Thorin. “No, no, you can’t do this, not again.”

“Bilbo,” he sighs, reaching for Bilbo’s face despite the way it exacerbates the pain. “Amrâlimê, there is nothing to be done.”

“No,” Bilbo says, voice choked. “You can’t do this. You need to live. I need you to live.”

The side of Bilbo’s face is an ugly mess of blues and purples and Thorin’s heart manages to find the energy to clench. “I have done you a disservice,” he says, struggling to get the words. “You were right to keep the arkenstone from me for as long as you did.”

“No, don’t do this,” Bilbo says and he’s fully crying now. “I can’t do this again, please.”

Thorin presses his palm to Bilbo’s face, says, “I wish to part from you with you knowing that in any other circumstance I would have returned your affection.”

“Thorin,” Bilbo whispers, leaning down to press a furious kiss to his brow, to cheek, to his mouth. “Please, just hold on for a little longer. The eagles will be here soon.”

“Go home, master burglar,” he says, wishing he were not leaving Bilbo to such pain. “Go home to your armchairs and your books. Go home and live a good life.”

Thorin dies. Thorin dies and then—

[fistfuloflightning]

meeting a legend

[fanartka]

imagine that Thorin and Bilbo live in the Shire and have adopted little Frodo. Thorin had to go somewhere on business for a few months, maybe help his nephew Fili with royal affairs (in my headcanon, one of Thorin's options for marrying a hobbit was to abdicate and move to the Shire). And here Frodo joyfully runs to meet after a long separation. On the third picture, by the way, could be Fili himself.

I really love these pictures.

[mamba052]

A "The Hobbit" fic where the dwarfes are confused about wheater Bilbo is a male of female hobbit and all the shenanigans that come with that. 

Like, think about it.

We know that male and female dwarves look very similar, too the point where female dwarves disguise themselves while on the road, to avoid attracting attention of big folk. None of the thirteen dwafves have, as far as we know, ever seen a hobbit, and it's probable that they have no idea if there is any differences between how male and female hobbits act or look. 

In neither dwarven nor elven society do there seem to be any social differences between male and female. Both male and female can become any profession, hold any position, have free will to do what they desire. Of course, dwarowwdams are held in higher regard because female dwarves are rarer then male dwarves, but that seems to be the main difference between genders

So, when the thirteen dwarves are told about a hobbit by Gandalf, a male hobbit that lives in the shire, all of them assume that it must be a male hobbit. But then they show up to the bag end, and are meet with a tiny little person. 

and all of a sudden they aren't so sure. 

None of them have any knowledge on Hobbit society, nor of any differences between genders. The only thing they can go off, is the fact that the shire is near Bree. Bree, a settlement for the race of men. The race of men, which is known to have show some obvious differences between men and women, social and physical. This is something that they would all be aware of, living as nomads after Erebour and making trade with men.  

And so, the dwarves are introduced to a tiny person, that: 

- Cooks and bakes

- Keeps a strict personal hygien

- Complains about the rest of the companies personal hygien

- Gardens

- Has never traveled far, with or without an escort

- Is easily frightened by small criters and does not like getting dirty

- Moans about the state of his clothes and washing.

- Seems INCREASINGLY fragile

- does not know how to handle a weapon

- does not know how to fight in any kind 

- Fusses over the state of his kitchen, cutlery and his plates

- Fusses over the ponies and gives them extra treats

- Picks flowers, herbs and nuts by the side of the road

- Does not have nor seem to grow a beard

- Gossips about the other hobbits (in Particular a female relative) 

- Doilies

All things that seems to, at least by the standards of men, indicate a more feminine person. 

And so, by the end of the first week many in the company come to the conclusion that, much like many dwarrodams, Master Baggins is a female hobbit disgused as male.

It makes sense after all. It is well known that men treat their women folk differently from dwarves and elves, where everything is mostly equal. Bilbo, as the sole child of his parents would need to hide him being female, assuming hobbits followed similar rules and standards as the men they live neighbors with. It would be the only way for him to continue living like he was, considering his parents where dead and he was sole heir to them both. 

So, it just makes sense that Bilbo would be a female hobbit in disguise. 

None of the dwarves make any mentions of this fact. It would be rude to do so, and could endanger the hobbit in the long run. So no mention is made of it. Until Rivendell that is. 

For it isn't until Rivendel, when it comes up in a conversation between Fili and Kili. The two brothers sit and discuss the company, and when Bilbo comes up, Kili asks Fili whether he thinks Bilbo will ever reveal to the company that she is female. 

Fili looks at his brother surprised, before inquiring what he's on about. 

And after the two brothers run around talking too the rest of the company (excluding Bilbo and Gandalf), it comes to attention that around half the company has come to Kili conclusion (Bilbo is female disguised as Male) and the other half think similar to Fili (Bilbo is just male). 

And so, multiple bets are made, and multiple plans are put into place to figure out the mystery of the gender of Bilbo. 

None of them comes right out and asks. No matter what turns out to be true, it would be considerably rude to just ASK Bilbo something like this. 

Instead, multiple plans are put into place to try and figure it all out. including, but not limited to: 

- Checking if Bilbo grows a beard at any point

- ask Oin if he knows. The healer wacks whoever asks with his trumpet, stating patient-healer confidentiality. (In reality, Oin has just as little an idea as the rest of them) 

- Ask Gandalf, who never answers, but laughs until they are sure he's going to pass out from lack of oxygen. 

- Ask Bilbo about the shire, which doesn't reveal any further information, other than the dwarves learning who to avoid if they ever go to the shire (some lass named Lobelia is put high on the list of "avoid at all cost") 

- See if Bilbo has the *cough* right assets (an idea that is immediately scraped, no matter how much money is now in the bettingpool. None of the dwarves want to break Bilbos trust nor make him uncomfortable in any way, so the idea never go anywhere other than hypothetical) 

- See if they can get Bilbo to bath at the same time in a river they pass (no success) 

In the end, none of them actually ever find out on the quest the mysterious gender of Bilbo Baggins. 

I think it can end in a couple of ways, depending on what you like. 

1. The Thilbo ending 

As this entire plot is happening, Thorin is just as confused as any of them about the true gender of the hobbit, a fact that distresses him more and more the farther they go on their journey. espesially when he comes to the realisation that he has become quite infatuated with the hobbit. 

Bilbo and Thorin confess to each other during the battle, and shares eachother company for the first time soon after (everyone lives, nobody dies alright?). The next day Thorin walks up to Nori, the keeper of the bet, and simply states "Male" before walking of red in the face. Nori laughs his ass of, and properly distributes the earnings to all the winners. 

The hole ordeal is forgotten about, and no mention is made to Bilbo until years later. After Bilbo finds out Thorin has to sleep in his office for a week. 

2. They never find out

It's like it says, none of the Dwarves ever figure out the truth, but none of them really care that much and it doesn't really affect any of them, so none of them are really bothered other than being curious from time to time. 

This could end similairly with Bilbo finding out about the hole ordeal years later, after which he gives the company the cold shoulder for a couple of days. But he never tells them what the truth is, and none of them ever find out. 

3. Someone else asks. 

Someone not apart of the company straight up asks Bilbo the question they are all wondering. The company quickly comes to Bilbos defense, ready to defend his honor. Instead Bilbo simply shrugs, and answer, simply giving no fucks. 

The company feels very baffled (and stupid)

[myths0f01d]

Hobbits were secretive little creatures. They closely guarded one thing. Two things. Ok they close guarded a lot of things. But so did the dworrow. So can you really blame him when the company finds out their supposedly loved burglar has the magic of earth at his fingertips?

[amloveabledeathmo]

Kidnapped Kid-Kili, Fili, and Ori story idea

So we start with Bilbo on his return trip home from a walking journey. He hears shouting off the road but it doesn't sound like hobbits and he decides to investigate in case it's bandits or something that needs to be reported to the Rangers/Bounders.

As he gets closer he can make out what is being said and catches "Well I didn't know that the whole settlement was broke did I! At least we got paid some to take the kids but I say we cut our losses and just kill them and move on!" He hears a few choked sobs at that and spots three dwarf children then and a bit away two adult dwarves who are the ones shouting.

"Shut up! It's no good to scare them more like that! I think we can sell them, maybe at a mannish market." The two adult dwarves continue their argument and Bilbo creeps up to the kids.

"Come along now children lets get you out of here." He whispers as he helps them up and leads them away. He pulls out three extra travel cloaks, he packed heavy due to autumn chill and surprise rainstorms, and has them put the cloaks on. "Now if I tell you to curl up under your cloak on the ground okay?"

The three nod up at him. He leads them to the other side of the road and then past where they were camped. A good half an hour later of walking and he hears a cart approaching and has the kids hunker down while he backtracks some and starts rewalking on the road. The cart comes around the corner Bilbo almost cries in relief. "Hamfast!" he calls as the cart comes to a stop.

"Good to see you Mr. Bilbo, on yer way home?"

"Come on out kids it's just Hamfast, he's safe!" Bilbo calls and turns to Hamfast, "I don't suppose you would be willing to turn around and give us a ride back to Bag End? We really need to get somewhere safe."

Hamfast is of course confused by these dwarf children but agrees and they put them in the back of the cart and hand them a bag full of apples to snack on. As they travel Bilbo fills Hamfast in on what happened. Of course he is horrified, people stealing and then threatening to kill children is just barbaric, why he couldn't imagine how it would feel if that happened to him.

So Bilbo and the children are dropped off and Hamfast agrees to alert the Rangers and Bounders and tell all the hobbits he knows so nobody goes blabbing to strangers about Bilbo having dwarf children. The kids are just happy to be warm and provided with food. Ori tugs on Fili and whispers to him about writing letters home so someone can come get them. Fili asks Bilbo and Bilbo thinks it's a good plan.

The only dwarf who Ori knows the mailing place of is Balin, so they write their letters to their family but send them to Balin. A month or so later Bilbo, who now knows all about the boys in his care, was happily walking them home from the market when he spots a lot of dwarves on ponies and pulls the kids to a stop. He quickly gets in front of the kids and tells them to run and hide. About then the dwarves jump off the ponies and start racing towards Bilbo and the boys start screaming AMAD! DORI! UNCLE! and running towards the group.

Basically the whole company plus Dis have all come to find the kids. Bilbo is so relieved and the dwarves are very thankful and indeed shocked by his braveness and willingness to protect the boys. Thorin tries to figure out a way to pay him back but Bilbo declines, says all he wants is for the boys to be safe and maybe write him every once in a while and invites them all to stay at Bag End for the night. Bilbo, Fili, Kili, and Ori tell them all about what they heard and saw from and of the kidnappers.

They get a good bit of snow that night and the dwarves realize that if there is snow out in the Shire that their way home would probably be impassable already. Cue dwarves in the Shire. Fixing things, having a mild winter, eating enough, oh and of course Dis being the first to see how much Thorin and Bilbo like each other and doing her best to get them together.

Also Ori is part of the kidnap because he is Fili and Kili's best friend and Balin teaches them lessons and they were all together and the kidnappers didn't know how many kids they were supposed to take. No real idea of who ordered the kidnapping but just feels extra angsty for it to be paid for and not just idiots kidnapping the Heirs to the Throne and thinking they will get away alive.

[edwardallenpoe]

concept: meeting the family

We already know that Bilbo has met Fílí and Kili of course, but meeting Dís? What would that be like? I've read fics that they hit it off or are neutral about each other but like. What if she's unbearably stoic and off putting and cold and skeptical because she thinks that him and Thorin are together and she's testing him. Like maybe it's a dwarven tradition that immediate family members to the dwarf courting/being courted are hounds of hell to their partner. Fílí and Kili wouldn't act this way because they've SEEN him prove himself a million times on the way to Erebor. And what if he accidentally proves himself to her and suddenly for no reason she adores him. And he has no idea why. While Fílí and Kili are cracking up.

And what about Thorin meeting Bilbo's family? What would that be like? Would they be polite? Would they be passive aggressive? And what about Lobelia Sackville-Baggins? I haven't read any fics where Thorin and her interact for more than two seconds and I just. I love meeting the family as a fic concept. I eat it up everytime.

[toupee-or-nottoupee]

Very random but what sort of sweets do u guys think the Company likes? like i 100% think Fíli is a chocolates sort of guy

[trianna-phoenix]

I’ve just barely started writing the draft for my bagginsheild fanfic based on Snow White and now beauty and the beast it’s staring at me expertly from the corner…

Like what do you mean I can’t write a fic where bilbo stumbles upon a castle under the rule of a dragon-esk monster who turns out to be a dwarvern king gone mad and he has to find love in something other then material possession to break his curse, and Oop here comes bilbo

[queerofthedagger]

The First Step Was a Stumble

[Aragorn/Legolas | T+ | 4,9k]

Written for @aralas-week Day 1: Before the Fellowship, with marvellous art by @magicinavalon! <3

Tags: Pre-Canon, Meet-Ugly, Falling in Love, Banter as Foreplay, First Kiss

Summary:

He breathes in. Turns on the exhale, the tip of his sword coming to rest against an unblemished throat. Grey eyes stare back at him in a mixture of genuine shock and amused surprise. “Impressive,” the elf says, raising his hands in a mock gesture of peace. --- Legolas joins the rangers. Or—five times they misunderstand each other, and one time they finally get it right.

[morporkian-cryptid]

I !!!

HAVE !!!!

FINISHED !!!!

🌸🎴 HANAFUDA !!!!! 🎴🌸

After 3 years and 9 months of work, including exactly 2 years and 9 days of writing, it stands at a total of 101 835 words and 255 pages, with the as-of-yet unpublished Part 3 - Kiku making up roughly half of the written content and half of the writing time.

My friends, I cannot believe I have spent that amount of time on this story. It feels like much shorter, even though this fic has accompanied me in one form or another through almost my entire time in the Lupin III fandom. It is, bar none, the longest story I have ever written (although my very first long fanfic, You Only Live Twice, from 2016, came very close).

I still have a fair amount of editing and polishing to do. Part of it still needs to be beta-read (J, if you're reading this, no rush, and thank you so much for your amazing work <3), and I need to draw the cover art.

And then...

Off to AO3 with it!!

(In the meantime, you can already read Part 1 - Sakura and Part 2 - Botan!)

[catofadifferentcolor]

An Incomplete List of Lord of the Rings AU Fic Ideas

All Those Frustrating Fools: In which Legolas and Gimli are surrounded by Middle Earth's most oblivious idiots

Everything (Between Us): In which Legolas and Gimli secretly wed before the quest

First Age Legolas: Born as Doriath falls, Legolas is one of the oldest elves left in Middle Earth - a child of war, and grief, and loss

Half-Elven Legolas: Born Eluréd Diorion, war and truama-induced amnesia lead to his adoption by Thranduil during the First Age

Half-Maia Legolas: Born of Thranduil's relationship with a handmaid of Oromë, the only two people in Middle Earth who know the identity of Legolas' mother are Thranduil and Legolas himself

Of Aerandír and his Coming to Arda: PJO/LotR crossover, in which Percy’s presence in Middle-Earth changes everything and nothing

Princess of Dol Amroth SI: In which a Modern Woman in Middle-Earth changes almost nothing - but still makes a difference to her nephews

Second Age Legolas: Born as Númenor sank beneath the waves, Legolas serves as his father's regent during the War of the Last Alliance - a child of suffering and survival

Third Age Legolas: Born after the fall of Erebor, Legolas is one of the youngest elves alive, coming of age during the quest

More Terrible Fic Ideas