#fic for a friend

[sammys-magical-au]

When the Eldrich Meets the Ethereal, part 2!

Posting short fics like this is starting to become a habit 😅 not that I’m complaining, this is fun!

This is a follow-up fic from When the Eldrich Meets the Ethereal, which was a gift to my good friend @wouldntyou-liketoknow, and to her fic that was a sequel to mine, Talking in Your Sleep. (I’d highly recommend reading these before you read this if you haven’t already 😉)

The characters of LeviathanPat and Sylphanie both belong to her, but the rest are my own, save for Jack Harkness and Toshiko Sato from Torchwood, who are briefly mentioned (also, this short fic contains mild spoilers for Torchwood: The Alternate Universe season 4, if you’ve been following that series, so read with caution)

Warnings include nightmares and descriptions of body horror, and with that out of the way, let’s get into it!

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“I… have to go away for a little while,” Sam had said - all the while avoiding direct eye contact, “I’m not sure where exactly, but… I’ll know everything by the time I get back.”

Jay knew by now that when they phrased it like that, it wasn’t a mission Jack had sent them on. Sam was either following a gut feeling, or someone else - someone who existed between plains of reality and was nearly older than humanity itself - had asked her to go.

The latter option always made Jay’s guts twist with anger. There was something about Harmonia and the Ancient Ones asking Sam to do things for them on a whim that just irked him - even if Sam didn’t seem to mind or even seemed happy to do whatever they asked.

Jay just didn’t like the fact that his spouse could be controlled so easily like this. No one told Sam what to do, not even ethereal beings from the beginning of the universe. Jay knew that well enough, but Sam seemed to have forgotten…

Maybe she’d just mellowed over the years. The absence of constant abuse and religious trauma making her more likely to simply follow instructions from “spiritual higher-ups”, so to speak.

Even if that was the case, Jay still wasn’t sure he liked it.

He was distracted from his thoughts, however, when his and Sam’s daughter, Alexa, cautiously walked into the living room.

“Alexa?” He asked softly, “what’s the matter, dear?”

“It’s nothing,” Alexa murmured, giving him a smile that he knew was forced, “just… Dad… does it feel a little cold to you?”

Jay blinked. Now that he thought about it… there did seem to be a chill - the kind of chill that you knew without investigating had spread throughout the whole house, which was especially unusual considering the warm, tropical evening outside.

“It does…” he answered Alexa.

“Might be Rift stuff,” Alexa said, “should I text Jack or Aunt Tosh?”

“Not right yet,” Jay replied slowly, “we’ll just wait and see if anything happens first.”

Alexa paused at this, phone in her hands and thumbs presumably poised over the keypad. Then she nodded.

“Okay.” She said quietly.

“Don’t be afraid, sweetheart,” Jay assured her, “I’m sure it’s nothing. You know better than me that sometimes weird things happen around a Rift - especially this one.”

Alexa nodded again, but didn’t say anything more.

Jay knew she was still on edge - and he couldn’t blame her, he was too, something definitely felt off in the air tonight.

He just hoped it didn’t have anything to do with Sam, and that she was alright.

~~~

“...𝖂𝒽𝖆𝓉 𝓀𝖎𝓃𝖉 𝖔𝒻 ℊ𝖆𝓂𝖊 𝖉ℴ 𝓎𝖔𝓊 𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖓𝓀 𝓎𝖔𝓊'𝓇𝖊 𝖕𝓁𝖆𝓎𝖎𝓃𝖌?…”

Sam sat bolt upright in the hotel bed with a loud gasp, hand instinctively reaching for The Lion’s Breath - even though it had all been a dream, and it wasn’t like the sword would’ve done much to protect them, they felt like they needed it.

They sat there in the dark, panting and sweating and pointing the sword at a non-existent enemy, for a good five minutes before their frantic heartbeat finally began to slow down.

Allowing The Lion’s Breath to transform back into the simple bracelet they typically disguised it as (they weren’t sure they were comfortable just setting it aside at the moment), Sam reached out through the dark with their other hand until the cotton sheets turned to soft, warm fur.

Zephyr stirred slightly as their fingers reached her, shuffling a little closer to her owner in her sleep, but didn’t wake. Sam slowly lay back down beside her, pressing their body into the massive feline’s shape and realizing they were shaking - although that might’ve been from the sudden dry coldness in the room, one that Sam was certain hadn’t been there when they’d arrived back at the hotel.

Now that they were awake, they could remember that finding their way back here hadn’t been much trouble at all. Though they did faintly recall looking back in the direction they were certain that The Abnormal Orchard had been in and not being able to see it. Although, after having gotten a good look at Pat in the dream, they had an easier time believing that was just some clever trick of reality the eldrich being had pulled - whether it was specifically to freak Sam out or just something he always did.

As harrowing as the conversation with Pat had been, along with the frightening knowledge that a creature one could only imagine in their wildest nightmares actually existed out there… it wasn’t just that that was bothering Sam. Something about the appearance of his supposed counterpart, who’s name Sam didn’t dare try to think of in case it melted their brain, had equally chilled them to the bone.

Seeming to sense their nervous thoughts, Zephyr nuzzled into them with a sleepy rumble, and Sam finally felt themself begin to actually relax, though the strange coldness in the air didn’t seem to want to subside at all.

Their back was now facing the window, and even though they weren’t exactly happy with that, they’d much rather be cuddling Zephyr than facing away from her. Even if it meant being more vulnerable to whatever was outside.

If only you could twist your neck all the way around without breaking it like Pat. A small part of them joked, and they almost laughed. The only thing that stopped them from it was the shiver that ran up their spine at the memory of Pat taunting them in the dream-that-really-hadn’t-felt-like-a-dream, head twisting at unnatural angles as he spoke. Jesus, that fucker was creepy, and they knew he liked that Sam thought that of him. But for some reason, right now he didn’t hold a candle to the ethereal being who had suddenly shown up - Pat definitely knew her, but hadn’t been expecting to see her.

Something about the way she’d made Pat simply disappear, the way she’d looked at Sam with all those eyes of hers… she was almost scarier than Pat.

Did Harmonia know her? Sam wished they could ask her, but to contact the Ancient Ones they’d have to go back to sleep, and right now there was no way in hell they were doing that.

Suddenly, a flicker of movement caught Sam’s eye, and they glanced up to stare at the wall of the hotel room.

Nothing moved, and the wall was cast in darkness - not even the moon outside was at the right angle to shine any light through the window.

For some reason, that was a hundred times worse than seeing anything.

Just as the feeling of uneasiness started to pass, Sam saw it again. A tiny pinpoint of radiant light dancing across the wall.

This time it didn’t disappear immediately, and Sam sat up to peer at it, leaning over Zephyr’s sleeping form.

The tiger stirred, but still didn’t wake.

The tiny speck of light kept shimmering and bouncing up and down against the room’s nasty yellow wallpaper (ironic that it was that color, considering how Sam felt right now), even ever so slightly seeming to grow in size.

At first, Sam wasn’t sure what the hell to even make of it, until they remembered that light typically didn’t just randomly appear on surfaces without an outside source.

Outside…

Slowly, with a sense of dread creeping into their bones, Sam turned their head around to look out the window.

Despite the darkness in the city outside, somewhere in the near distance, there was light. Glowing and ethereal, just like in Sam’s dream, just like… her. And it was moving, getting steadily closer as Sam watched, finding themself standing right next to the window without realizing they’d moved at all.

Now, Zephyr awoke, her head abruptly snapping up as if on command and a growl rumbling in her throat as her piercing peridot eyes searched the shadows of the room.

Sam glanced back at her, holding their hand up to signal her to stay put, and when they looked back to the window, the view of the city was blocked by a massive, luminous face.

~~~

Deep in the impossible jungle, a place so full of life and light and a sense of peace one might think they’d found the biblical Garden of Eden if they stumbled upon it, another great beast raised her head.

Harmonia swiveled her ears around, listening to the faint wind whisper through the trees. Something had definitely awoken her, and it had done so for a reason.

“Luca?” She called faintly into the night, but no reply came.

Regardless, the Leonasus stood from her nest and stretched, waiting for an answer to come to her.

That answer came in the form of Barsus, the Pronghorned Wolf, slinking out of the shadows of the trees, his amber eyes gleaming with a light of their own.

“Harmonia.” He rumbled, dipping his head in greeting. Harmonia copied the gesture.

“Barsus. What brings you here?”

“Can you not hear the voices in the wind? They have a message for you and I.”

Harmonia tilted her head at him.

“Us? Why us?” She asked, swishing her tail.

Barsus stared at her gravely.

“Because we are the only ones who ever met… her.”

The single word sent a shiver through Harmonia’s wings, and she instantly found herself in a vision - or perhaps more of a memory - of when she was no more than a cub.

Back then, the island now known as Saint Lucia had been dominated by the Ancient Ones, though it wouldn’t be for much longer.

Barsus was a little older than Harmonia, standing next to her on wobbly stilt-legs as she struggled to stand at all.

Harmonia couldn’t remember what had happened before or after this moment, only that the sky had suddenly turned dark - so dark even the light of the stars could not get through - and great balls of fire shot across it, as the ground shook with the distant sound of an agonized wail of despair.

The adults had begun murmuring to each other, all with worried looks on their faces, and a common name that was repeated over and over was a name Harmonia was not familiar with - “𝕾𝓎𝖑𝓅𝖍”.

Time seemed to pass quickly, but while fire still rained from the sky, a luminous figure appeared, a creature neither Barsus or Harmonia had ever seen before.

She was crying, tears of burning sunlight falling from her many eyes, and the adults all gathered around to comfort her as she wept, telling them of a terrible mistake and a lost love.

“Mama,” Barsus asked when his mother broke away from the group, having promised to hunt a Cloud Buffalo in the hopes that it might help calm this strange visitor, “who is she? Why is she so sad?”

Barsus’ mother simply glanced back over her shoulder at the despondent newcomer, a look of deep sadness in her amber eyes.

“She is a friend,” she answered finally, “a friend who needs our help. She has done something that has broken her own heart.”

“Can we help?” Harmonia had spoken up.

Barsus’ mother gazed fondly down at her for a moment, then smiled, nodding.

“Yes. Perhaps you can, if you go and sit by her.”

The two of them had made their way to the strange visitor’s side, Harmonia’s legs so wobbly that she hardly made it, but eventually a few of the visitor’s eyes had fallen on the little ones who had appeared next to her, and some of the pain in her expression seemed to ease.

“𝕺𝒽, 𝖑ℴ𝖔𝓀 𝒶𝖙 𝖞ℴ𝖚…” she cooed in a voice like howling hurricane winds, “𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖕𝓇𝖊𝒸𝖎ℴ𝖚𝓈 𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖓ℊ𝖘. 𝒰𝖓𝓉𝖔𝓊𝖈𝒽𝖊𝒹 𝒷𝖞 𝖙𝒽𝖊 𝖈𝓇𝖚ℯ𝖑𝓉𝖞 𝖔𝒻 𝒽𝖚𝓂𝖆𝓃𝖎𝓉𝖞.”

Back then, Barsus and Harmonia hadn’t known what “humanity” meant. That was before any human had ever set foot on this land.

Sometimes, Harmonia still wished she knew what Sylph had meant - although she had an idea.

Had humans destroyed her homeland too? Was that the heartbreak Barsus’ mother had spoken of?

It seemed like she might be finally getting an answer.

“She has returned.” Harmonia murmured, and Barsus dipped his head.

“She has.” He replied.

“But why?”

“That I am not sure of. But I feel that the universe wants us to know she is here for a reason.”

“Agreed. We must leave immediately. I had hoped Sam would have gotten home by now, but I could send one of the Guardian Cobras to relay a message to her family.”

“That seems like a good idea. I will wait here for your return.”

Barsus sat down in the tall grass where he stood, and Harmonia dipped her head to him before spreading her wings and leaping into the sky.

From above the treetops, she could see that the Tree of Life had taken on an unusual glow, slightly brighter to look at than normal. It almost hurt her eyes to gaze upon it for too long.

That was definitely a sign from the universe as well.

Harmonia wasn’t sure why Sylph had returned, but it seemed she might be in need of their help, and if that was the case, Harmonia would follow her parents’ teachings. Helping other beings was the way of the Ancient Ones, even when they themselves were much weaker than they had once been.

She only hoped that after all these thousands of years, Sylph remembered them all as well as they remembered her.

~~~

Jay was finding it hard to sleep.

He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was wrong - and even without it, it was still so damn cold in the house, cold enough that Jay was considering getting up and rummaging through the closet for his old long-sleeved pyjamas he’d bought when he, Sam, and their kids had still been living in Wales.

Maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him. Sometimes the air in a room felt colder when under the covers just because the bed was so warm. That had to be the reason. Or maybe he was just overtired.

Jay took a deep breath that turned into a yawn, rolling over so his back faced the bedroom window.

The bed felt so empty without Sam. Now that he thought about it, not having his living-furnace of a spouse sleeping next to him might’ve also been contributing to the chill in the air. The only part of Sam’s body that didn’t radiate constant warmth was their feet, which were always cold, something their older brother Daniel had always said they should get checked out since it could mean they had poor circulation.

Sam would always roll their eyes when he said that, tell him they’d give him poor circulation if he didn’t leave them alone about it.

A smile had found its way onto Jay’s face as he thought of Sam. He could almost imagine them suddenly climbing into bed next to him after a late-night weevil round-up, snuggling up close to him and complaining about being dragged out of bed at this hour, pressing those cold toes of theirs in between his legs and making him shriek loudly enough to wake Athena in the nursery at the end of the hall.

Jay was startled from the half-fantasy, half-dream by the sound of the horses braying outside.

He had sat up in bed before he knew it, the vision of Sam being there shattering in the face of whatever had caused the horses such distress.

Throwing the covers off of him (and in doing so noting that the room was, in fact, still as cold as he’d expected it to be), Jay got out of bed and ran to the window, pushing it open to scan the yard for anything that might have disturbed the horses. However, their frantic neighing soon subsided. Jay could still hear them nickering to each other, but that sound was quickly replaced by something else.

Ssssssssssssss…

At first, Jay thought it was the wind in the palm trees outside. Their leaves were dry this time of year, so they usually made a hissing sound when the breeze picked up.

But then it came again, louder and closer than before.

Sssssssssssssssssss…

Jay stepped back from the window, frantically looking around. The noise seemed to be coming from everywhere at once - above, below, directly in front and behind him, his left and his right.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…

The sound was now more like that of the steam coming out of a boiling pot who’s lid had just been lifted, or someone pretending to be a snake, or-

Jay froze.

Pretending to be a snake, or actually a snake? He thought.

The notion seemed ridiculous, since the sound had to be coming from something pretty big - larger than any animal besides maybe a blue whale could ever possibly be - but now that the thought of snakes had entered Jay’s head, he couldn’t deny that the organic hissing likely couldn’t have come from anything else.

His thoughts were confirmed when there was a dull scraaape from the balcony outside, followed by a faint creak as the door was pushed open.

Hiiiissssssssssss…

Jay fell back with a cry of fear, tripping over his feet and falling out into the hallway, landing hard enough to feel a sharp pain shoot up his spine from his tailbone as it hit the floor.

The long, shadowy form that had broken and entered into the bedroom slithered further across the floor, then raised its impossibly large head and blinked down at Jay with three massive, glowing yellow eyes.

Its forked tongue flicked out with another tiny hiss, and then, to Jay’s utter bewilderment, it spoke - without even opening its mouth.

“Do not be afraid, I do not come to bring you harm.”

Jay realized his mouth was opening and closing as he breathed heavily, but no words would come out.

“I am Serpentus,” the massive snake continued, “a friend of Harmonia, and of the human named Sam.”

That finally snapped Jay out of it. This was an Ancient One, not just some random talking snake.

That really should have been more obvious.

“Sam’s not here,” Jay replied steadily, with an edge to his voice, “Harmonia sent her away on some quest, or whatever you call it.”

Serpentus bobbed their head, and Jay realized they were nodding.

“That is why I am here. Something has occurred elsewhere on this planet tonight, and Harmonia had to leave to take care of it. She asked me to tell you so that Sam does not worry if they return before she does.”

As much as Jay was annoyed that this was the way the Ancient Ones were passing on this strange message, he knew Harmonia was right to suspect that Sam would worry if they came home and she had gone.

At least the Ancient Ones cared enough about Sam to ensure they wouldn’t worry needlessly - they’d done enough of that in their life, and not just over weird semi-mythical Rift-creatures, Jay knew that better than anyone.

He dipped his head briefly in respect.

“Thank you,” he murmured to Serpentus, “I’ll tell her that.”

Serpentus flicked their tongue out again, then wordlessly made to slither back out the way they’d come.

“Wait,” Jay said, “do you know if Sam’s alright? Has this… other thing Harmonia has to deal with affecting them?”

Serpentus blinked at him, head tilting to one side as their tongue poked back out and tested the air for a bit longer this time. Then they unhelpfully answered, “that, I do not know.”

~~~

Sam couldn’t help but scream and jump back from the window, just as Zephyr leaped from the bed and came to stand defensively next to them, still growling softly.

The massive face in the window remained impassive, thousands of eyes the color of smoky quartz all trained on Sam and their feline companion.

The being’s gaze focused on Zephyr, and slightly softened.

“𝕾𝓁𝖊ℯ𝖕 𝖓ℴ𝖜.” She murmured, and suddenly Zephyr had sunk to the floor in a ball, her chest rising and falling rhythmically.

“What did you do to her?!” Sam barked against their better judgment, defensiveness momentarily overcoming their fear.

The being’s eyes all slowly moved back to Sam.

“𝕯ℴ 𝓃𝖔𝓉 𝒷𝖊 𝖆𝒻𝖗𝒶𝖎𝒹,” she said, “𝖘𝒽𝖊 𝖎𝓈 𝒶𝖘𝓁𝖊ℯ𝖕, 𝓃𝖔𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖓ℊ 𝒸𝖆𝓃 𝒽𝖆𝓇𝖒 𝖍ℯ𝖗.”

Sam took a shuddering breath.

“Who… what are you?”

“𝕴 𝖆𝓂 𝒮𝖞𝓁𝖕𝒽.”

The last word was indiscernible, but it still sounded familiar.

“That’s what he called you.” Sam said, once again without thinking.

Pain momentarily flooded the being’s gaze, but quickly vanished.

“𝖄ℯ𝖘. ℒ𝖊𝓋𝖎𝒶𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓃 𝒶𝖓𝒹 ℐ… 𝖈ℯ𝖗𝓉𝖆𝒾𝖓𝓁𝖞 𝖘𝒽𝖆𝓇𝖊 𝖆 𝖍𝒾𝖘𝓉𝖔𝓇𝖞.” She said.

Sam wanted to say that based on what they’d seen, Pat and this being definitely shared much more than just “a history”, but decided against it.

An angry ethereal being was just as bad as an angry eldrich being, and by now Sam knew better than to tempt either.

Instead, they dipped their head respectfully.

“I see,” they murmured, “forgive me for not being courteous. Your presence here startled me.”

“𝕴 𝖈𝒶𝖓 𝖘ℯ𝖊 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉.” The ethereal being said, with a hint of annoyance. “𝕿𝒽𝖆𝓉’𝓈 𝓌𝖍𝓎 ℐ 𝒸𝖆𝓂𝖊 𝖍ℯ𝖗ℯ. 𝖄ℴ𝖚 𝖆𝓇𝖊 𝖎𝓃 𝒻𝖆𝓇 𝒶𝖇ℴ𝖛ℯ 𝓎𝖔𝓊𝖗 𝖍ℯ𝖆𝒹, 𝖑𝒾𝖙𝓉𝖑ℯ 𝒽𝖚𝓂𝖆𝓃. 𝖄ℴ𝖚 𝖉ℴ 𝓃𝖔𝓉 𝒷𝖊𝓁𝖔𝓃𝖌 𝖙𝒽𝖎𝓈 𝒸𝖑ℴ𝖘ℯ 𝓉𝖔 𝖘ℴ𝖒ℯ𝖙𝒽𝖎𝓃𝖌 𝖑𝒾𝖐ℯ ℒ𝖊𝓋𝖎𝒶𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓃.”

“I understand,” Sam replied, head still bowed, “but I think you may not know the reason I’m here. I was sent here by ethereals like yourself.”

“𝕿𝒽𝖊𝓃 𝓉𝖍ℯ𝖞 𝖘𝒽𝖔𝓊𝖑𝒹 𝓀𝖓ℴ𝖜 𝖇ℯ𝖙𝓉𝖊𝓇 𝓉𝖍𝒶𝖓 𝖙ℴ 𝒶𝖑𝓁𝖔𝓌 𝒶 𝒻𝖗𝒶𝖌𝒾𝖑ℯ 𝓂𝖔𝓇𝖙𝒶𝖑 𝖙ℴ 𝒸𝖔𝓂𝖊 𝖘ℴ 𝓃𝖊𝒶𝖗 𝖙ℴ 𝒶𝖓 𝖊𝓁𝖉𝓇𝖎𝒸𝖍 𝖊𝓃𝖙𝒾𝖙𝓎.”

Defensiveness flared inside Sam again.

“They sent me here to assure that they weren’t in danger. I am connected to them in ways that shield me from Pat. Besides, he said they might know you, if you are who I think you are.”

“𝕿𝒽𝖊𝓃 𝓉𝖊𝓁𝖑 𝖒ℯ - 𝓌𝖍ℴ 𝓈𝖊𝓃𝖙 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖍ℯ𝖗ℯ?”

“The Ancient Ones.”

The world seemed to stop for a fraction of a second - and, considering who Sam was talking to, perhaps it actually did.

“𝕿𝒽𝖊 𝕬𝓃𝖈𝒾𝖊𝓃𝖙 𝕺𝓃𝖊𝓈…” the ethereal being echoed.

“That’s right,” Sam replied, finally finding the courage to look up into her face again, “I am bonded to the Ancient Ones, chosen by the universe itself to defend the space-time Rift they call home and assure that the balance of the cosmic energies in the galaxy remains intact. I wield the etherium sword named The Lion’s Breath, and I am The Queen of Hearts.”

The ethereal being stared at them for a moment longer.

“𝕿𝒽𝖊 𝕼𝓊𝖊ℯ𝖓 𝖔𝒻 ℋ𝖊𝒶𝖗𝓉𝖘,” she murmured finally, “𝖙𝒽𝖊 𝖕𝓇𝖔𝓅𝖍ℯ𝖘𝒾𝖊𝒹 𝓈𝖆𝓋𝖎ℴ𝖚𝓇 ℴ𝖋 𝖙𝒽𝖊 𝕬𝓃𝖈𝒾𝖊𝓃𝖙 𝕺𝓃𝖊𝓈. 𝕸𝓎 𝒶𝖕ℴ𝖑ℴ𝖌𝒾𝖊𝓈, 𝖞ℴ𝖚𝓇 𝓂𝖆𝒿𝖊𝓈𝖙𝓎.”

“Just ‘Sam’ is fine.” Sam replied with a wince.

It felt weird for an ethereal being to be calling them ‘your majesty’, even if Sam had been fond of the term in any way - which they weren’t. It was likely just a formality.

This being wouldn’t need to have any real respect for them, she wasn’t the one they were connected to.

“𝕾𝒶𝖒,” the being echoed, “𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖒𝒶𝖞 𝖈𝒶𝖑𝓁 𝓂𝖊… Sylphanie.”

Sam nodded respectfully.

“Sylphanie,” they repeated, “I’m glad there’s something I can call you that I can say without my brain melting through the roof of my mouth.”

To their surprise, Sylphanie laughed, though it sounded more like huge sheets of metal scraping together on a building site, or an old, rusty machine trying to do its job one last time before collapsing under its own weight.

“I’m here to ensure the safety of the Ancient Ones,” Sam explained when the sound died down, “they sensed your buddy’s presence nearby and wanted to make sure he wasn’t coming after them.”

“𝕿𝒽𝖊𝓃 𝓉𝖊𝓁𝖑 𝖙𝒽𝖊𝓂 𝓉𝖍ℯ𝖞 𝖍𝒶𝖛ℯ 𝓃𝖔𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖓ℊ 𝓉𝖔 𝖋ℯ𝖆𝓇,” Sylphanie said, “𝕷ℯ𝖛𝒾𝖆𝓉𝖍𝒶𝖓 𝖎𝓈 𝒶𝖓ℊ𝖗𝓎, 𝖘ℴ𝖗𝓇𝖔𝓌𝖋𝓊𝖑. ℬ𝖚𝓉 𝒽𝖊 𝖎𝓈 𝓃𝖔𝓉 ℴ𝖚𝓉 𝓉𝖔 𝖍𝒶𝖗𝓂 𝒶𝖓𝓎𝖔𝓃𝖊. 𝒲𝖊𝓁𝖑, 𝒶𝖓𝓎 ℯ𝖙𝒽𝖊𝓇𝖊𝒶𝖑𝓈, 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉 𝒾𝖘.”

Sam nodded awkwardly.

“Thank you,” they said, wishing they could know more about her past with Pat, but smart enough to know that asking a deity-like being nosy questions was a good way to end up dead - or worse, “I’ll tell them. Though from what I gathered at The Abnormal Orchard, I was already fairly certain of that.”

“𝖄ℴ𝖚 𝖆𝓇𝖊 𝖜𝒾𝖘ℯ 𝒻𝖔𝓇 𝒶 𝒽𝖚𝓂𝖆𝓃, 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉 𝒾𝖘 𝖖𝓊𝖎𝓉𝖊 𝖈𝓁𝖊𝒶𝖗,” Sylphanie murmured, “𝖕ℯ𝖗𝒽𝖆𝓅𝖘 𝖎𝒻 𝓎𝖔𝓊 𝒽𝖆𝒹 𝒷𝖊ℯ𝖓 𝖆𝓁𝖎𝓋𝖊 𝖆 𝖋ℯ𝖜 𝖍𝓊𝖓𝒹𝖗ℯ𝖉 𝖈ℯ𝖓𝓉𝖚𝓇𝖎ℯ𝖘 𝖆ℊ𝖔, 𝓌𝖊 𝖜ℴ𝖚𝓁𝖉 𝖓ℴ𝖙 𝖇ℯ 𝓌𝖍ℯ𝖗ℯ 𝓌𝖊 𝖆𝓇𝖊 𝖗𝒾𝖌𝒽𝖙 𝖓ℴ𝖜.”

Sam had absolutely no idea what that meant, but again, they knew better than to ask questions.

Besides, at that moment, Sylphanie looked up into the sky, and Sam leaned closer to the window to see what she’d seen.

At first it just looked like two of the stars against the blackness of night were shining brighter than the others, but as Sam watched, they realized these weren’t stars at all, and they were slowly getting closer, turning to brilliant silver and gold.

The gold ball of light took the shape of a massive winged lion, with a silky flowing mane and blazing blue eyes, and back legs that ended in pale pink hooves instead of paws.

The silver orb became an amber-eyed wolf the size of a horse, with three sharp horns like those of a ram on its head, and that appeared to be walking on nothing but the wind.

Sam opened the window and jumped out onto the ground, momentarily forgetting about Sylphanie.

“Harmonia!” They exclaimed, “Barsus! What are you doing here?”

“The wind directed us to come here,” Barsus answered, “there’s been another disturbance in the universe tonight.”

“And I believe we’ve found her.” Harmonia added, stepping up to Sylphanie.

Now that Sam was outside, they could see the way Sylphanie’s body seemed both there and not-there, flowing in intricate billowing patterns like clouds in the wind, or translucent silk. She glowed like the afternoon sun, though if one looked closely, they would notice small ribbons of rainbow colors twirling within her form. Her flower-like head and shoulders were dotted with thousands of eyes, the only things dark about her, though they still glowed from within, as though someone had held a light up to a piece of amber.

She had been staring at Harmonia and Barsus since they appeared in the sky without saying a word, and now she bent closer to them, as if trying to get a better look at them both.

“𝕸𝓎 ℊ𝖔ℴ𝖉𝓃𝖊𝓈𝖘…” she murmured, “𝖎𝓈 𝒾𝖙 𝖗ℯ𝖆𝓁𝖑𝓎 𝓎𝖔𝓊? 𝕿𝒽𝖊 𝖉ℯ𝖆𝓇 𝓁𝖎𝓉𝖙𝓁𝖊 𝖇𝒶𝖇ℯ𝖘 𝕴 𝖒ℯ𝖙 𝖆𝓁𝖑 𝖙𝒽𝖔𝓈𝖊 𝖞ℯ𝖆𝓇𝖘 𝖆ℊ𝖔?”

“It is us, 𝕾𝓎𝖑𝓅𝖍,” Harmonia answered as she and Barsus both dipped their heads respectfully, “we heard your voice on the wind and thought perhaps you needed our help again.”

Again? Sam thought, but was too awestruck to say out loud.

“𝕴 𝖉ℴ 𝓃𝖔𝓉,” Sylphanie said, “𝖇𝓊𝖙 𝕴 𝖆𝓂 𝓋𝖊𝓇𝖞 𝖕𝓁𝖊𝒶𝖘ℯ𝖉 𝖙ℴ 𝓈𝖊ℯ 𝓉𝖍ℯ 𝓉𝖜ℴ ℴ𝖋 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖆ℊ𝖆𝒾𝖓, 𝒶𝖓𝒹 𝓉𝖔 𝖘ℯ𝖊 𝖍ℴ𝖜 𝖞ℴ𝖚’𝖛ℯ ℊ𝖗ℴ𝖜𝓃 𝓈𝖎𝓃𝖈ℯ ℐ 𝓁𝖆𝓈𝖙 𝖘𝒶𝖜 𝖞ℴ𝖚. 𝒴𝖔𝓊𝖗 𝖕𝒶𝖗ℯ𝖓𝓉𝖘 𝖜ℴ𝖚𝓁𝖉 𝖇ℯ 𝒽𝖔𝓃𝖔𝓊𝖗ℯ𝖉 𝖙ℴ 𝓈𝖊ℯ 𝒽𝖔𝓌 𝓈𝖙𝓇𝖔𝓃𝖌 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖇ℴ𝖙𝒽 𝒶𝖗ℯ, 𝖆𝓃𝖉 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉 𝓎𝖔𝓊’𝓋𝖊 𝖋ℴ𝖚𝓃𝖉 𝖙𝒽𝖊 𝕼𝓊𝖊ℯ𝖓 𝖔𝒻 ℋ𝖊𝒶𝖗𝓉𝖘.”

“Thank you, 𝕾𝓎𝖑𝓅𝖍,” Barsus rumbled, “and we are honoured to be in your presence once again.”

At that moment, there was an abrupt wrrouwr! from inside the open window of the motel, just before Zephyr shot out into the night.

She pranced up to Harmonia without hesitation, chuffing and rubbing her head under the larger feline’s chin.

“Hello, my dear,” Harmonia said adoringly, “oh, how I’ve missed you. You must tell me all that has happened, my love.”

Sam smiled warmly as she watched the mated pair, but found their gaze subconsciously drifting to Sylphanie’s face. They were shocked to see that an almost mournful expression had manifested in her thousands of eyes.

“𝖄ℴ𝖚 𝖍𝒶𝖛ℯ 𝒻𝖆𝓁𝖑ℯ𝖓 𝖎𝓃 𝓁𝖔𝓋𝖊 𝖜𝒾𝖙𝒽 𝒶 𝓂𝖔𝓇𝖙𝒶𝖑 𝖇ℯ𝖎𝓃𝖌.” She said to Harmonia after a long silence, in which she simply stared at the two as they nuzzled each other.

“I have.” Harmonia murmured.

“𝕬𝓇𝖊 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖘𝓊𝖗ℯ 𝓉𝖍𝒶𝖙 𝖎𝓈 𝓌𝖎𝓈𝖊? 𝒜 𝓁𝖔𝓋𝖊 𝖜𝒾𝖙𝒽 𝓈𝖔𝓂𝖊ℴ𝖓ℯ 𝓈𝖔 𝖉𝒾𝖋𝒻𝖊𝓇𝖊𝓃𝖙 𝖋𝓇𝖔𝓂 𝓎𝖔𝓊𝖗𝓈𝖊𝓁𝖋 𝖈𝒶𝖓 𝖔𝓃𝖑𝓎 ℯ𝖓𝒹 𝒾𝖓 𝖍ℯ𝖆𝓇𝖙𝒷𝖗ℯ𝖆𝓀.”

A different sort of sadness crossed her face, and suddenly Sam understood all too well what her connection to Pat was, and why he had reacted the way he had to seeing her again.

“I understand this,” Harmonia said, “but I have taken a lesson from the humans I now share my home with, that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

Sylphanie seemed to consider this for a moment, then bobbed her head in a way that made her flowing body wave like sheets on a clothesline when the wind got stronger.

“𝕻ℯ𝖗𝒽𝖆𝓅𝖘 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉 𝒾𝖘 𝖔𝓃𝖊 𝖆𝓇𝖊𝒶 𝒾𝖓 𝖜𝒽𝖎𝒸𝖍 𝖍𝓊𝖒𝒶𝖓𝒾𝖙𝓎 𝒾𝖘 𝖘𝓂𝖆𝓇𝖙ℯ𝖗 - 𝖆𝓃𝖉 𝖇𝓇𝖆𝓋𝖊𝓇 - 𝓉𝖍𝒶𝖓 𝖆𝓃𝖞 𝖊𝓉𝖍ℯ𝖗ℯ𝖆𝓁 ℴ𝖗 𝖊𝓁𝖉𝓇𝖎𝒸𝖍 𝖇ℯ𝖎𝓃𝖌 𝖎𝓃 𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖘 𝖚𝓃𝖎𝓋𝖊𝓇𝖘ℯ.” She said.

“I… guess I’ll take that as a compliment?” Sam huffed.

“𝖂ℯ𝖑𝓁,” Sylphanie sighed, ignoring Sam’s comment, “𝕴 𝖇ℯ𝖑𝒾𝖊𝓋𝖊 𝖒𝓎 𝒷𝖚𝓈𝖎𝓃𝖊𝓈𝖘 𝖍ℯ𝖗ℯ 𝓉𝖔𝓃𝖎ℊ𝖍𝓉 𝒾𝖘 𝖋𝒾𝖓𝒾𝖘𝒽𝖊𝒹. 𝕭𝓊𝖙 𝖓ℴ𝖜 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓉 ℐ 𝓀𝖓ℴ𝖜 𝕴 𝖘𝓉𝖎𝓁𝖑 𝖍𝒶𝖛ℯ 𝒶𝖑𝓁𝖎ℯ𝖘 𝖎𝓃 𝓉𝖍𝒾𝖘 𝖗ℯ𝖆𝓁𝖒, ℐ 𝓌𝖎𝓁𝖑 𝖗ℯ𝖒𝒶𝖎𝓃 𝓃𝖊𝒶𝖗 𝖙ℴ 𝒾𝖙.”

Barsus and Harmonia both dipped their heads again.

“We thank you for that,” Harmonia said, “and until we meet again, may the cosmic energies look faithfully upon you.”

“𝖀𝓅𝖔𝓃 𝓎𝖔𝓊 𝒶𝖘 𝖜ℯ𝖑𝓁,” Sylphanie replied, her ghostly form beginning to melt into the shadows, “𝖆𝓃𝖉 𝖙𝒽𝖆𝓃𝖐 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖆𝓈 𝓌𝖊𝓁𝖑. 𝒲𝖍𝒶𝖙 𝖞ℴ𝖚 𝖍𝒶𝖛ℯ 𝓈𝖍𝒶𝖗ℯ𝖉 𝖜𝒾𝖙𝒽 𝓂𝖊 𝖙ℴ𝖓𝒾𝖌𝒽𝖙 𝖍𝒶𝖘 𝖇ℯ𝖌𝓊𝖓 𝖙ℴ 𝒽𝖊𝒶𝖑 𝖆 𝖜ℴ𝖚𝓃𝖉 𝕴 𝖓ℯ𝖛ℯ𝖗 𝖙𝒽𝖔𝓊𝖌𝒽𝖙 𝖈ℴ𝖚𝓁𝖉 𝖍ℯ𝖆𝓁.”

With that, she faded from view completely, though the way the hair on Sam’s arms remained standing upright for a few moments, along with the fact that it took a bit for the chill in the air to go away completely, told them she wasn’t fully gone just because she couldn’t be seen.

“Well…” they said finally, realizing they were shaking a little, “that was… a very weird night.”

~

{EPILOGUE}

“Guys! Wait up!”

“You shouldn’t have come with us if you couldn’t keep up!”

The peace of the jungle was disrupted by the sound of bickering human voices, those belonging to Athena, eleven, and Lucas, fifteen. With them - and being much quieter - were their older sisters, Hanna and Alexa, both in their early twenties.

Lucas turned on Athena with a leering smirk.

“‘I’ll tell Dad if you don’t take me with you!’” He mocked, and Athena stuck their tongue out angrily.

“Leave them alone,” Alexa cut in before their arguing could escalate, “and shut up, both of you. Did you not listen all those times when Mom told us not to draw attention to yourself when out in the woods?”

“We’d get away,” Lucas retorted, “the short one might be easy prey, though.”

“STOP, Lucas!” Athena shouted, making to hit him, but Alexa held them back.

“Don’t, he’s just trying to get a rise out of you.” She murmured.

Ahead of them, Hanna, the oldest of the four, stopped in a clearing bathed in sunlight from a gap in the trees and placed her hands on her hips.

“Hey, ‘Lexa?” She called over her shoulder.

“Yeah?” Alexa replied, ignoring Lucas and Athena as they continued making faces at each other.

“I think we’re about to be in big trouble.”

“What? Why?”

Alexa followed Hanna’s gaze, and immediately realized what she was talking about.

“Oh…” she mumbled, just as a massive winged lion and a three-horned wolf that seemed to be walking on thin air descended from the sky and into the clearing.

From the lion’s back lept Zephyr, who raced to greet Lucas and Athena as if it was perfectly normal for her spirit-bond’s children to be wandering in the jungle.

Sam jumped from the wolf’s back, The Lion’s Breath in hand and looking ready to scold their children before the four of them could even come up with an excuse.

“What are you kids doing out here?” They demanded the moment their feet touched the ground.

“Uh oh,” Athena muttered under their breath, “busted…”

“Okay, first of all, I’m twenty three,” Hanna objected, “and Alexa is twenty one, we’re adults now.”

“You’re still incredibly young, and you’re avoiding the question,” Sam shot back, “not to mention you brought your little siblings out here too.”

“We were just gonna bring Lucas, but Athena said they’d tell…” Alexa said lamely, realizing too late how stupid and childish that argument was as Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

“We can take care of ourselves.” Hanna added.

“Which I don’t doubt,” Sam said dryly, “I’m just not pleased that you took it upon yourselves to come out here for the first time.”

Hanna and Alexa looked at each other in confusion.

“First time?” Alexa echoed as they both looked back at Sam.

“Yes!” Sam exclaimed, “I wanted to take you myself! Now, you didn’t get in any fights with any wild animals, did you?”

“Uh… no?” Hanna replied uncertainly.

“Good,” Sam murmured, putting their arms around their daughters’ shoulders and leading them back towards the Ryder Estate, “your first encounter with a wild beast is important, and I want to be there to see it.”

Zephyr paused at the edge of the trees before following her human companions, glancing back at the two mythical creatures still waiting in the clearing.

Harmonia blinked fondly at her.

“Go on, my love,” she said, “we will see each other again soon.”

Zephyr chuffed in response, tossing her head before bounding after Sam and their children.

“Well. That was certainly an interesting experience.” Barsus murmured beside Harmonia, who nodded.

“Indeed,” she agreed, “it was. Though I was happy to see 𝕾𝓎𝖑𝓅𝖍 again.”

“As was I. And I have a feeling that this is not the last we will see of her either.”

“I feel the same. Though I suppose we will have to wait and see.”

“We will. But until then, what shall we do?”

“Take care of our own, and keep in mind that she is always nearby.”

Barsus nodded, and then, with a wisp of pale golden smoke, the pair disappeared, leaving the clearing looking as though it had always been empty.

@inkbedou @the-matpat-ever @insane4fandoms 🫶

[satansluckycigarette]

28, with Alan and Ted, Please?

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[allskywalkerswhine]

in fics where luke gets plopped into the prequels i want every jedi within ten metres of him to think hes the weirdest jedi theyve ever seen. he has negative lightsaber form. he doesnt know what a kata is. he handstands when he meditates. his solution to sith is to try and have a chat. hes a political radical who keeps suggesting revolution. you ask him what the jedi code is and he says "kindness and compassion and helping those in need :) ". you ask how he used the force like that and he says some shit about how you are a luminous being limited only by your mind. the councils authority is just a suggestion. he is somehow the new favourite of both qui gon and yoda

[seagiri]

very sleep deprived doodles of whatever’s going on inside my brain

[magicicephoenix]

i finally finished reading I see you, Sundrop! by @shirajellyfish and IT'S SO GOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO FINISH IT RAAAAAAA

i will be gushing about it in the tags but here's a lil animation i made based on the below paragraph in chapter 6 that gave me such a strong mental image that i had to make it real :)

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

ring pop proposal ♡

fem reader, pure fluff, childhood friends to lovers lemme alone do not perceive me yk the drill by now, lil self indulgent fic cus i love childhood friends to lovers and puppy crushes, polar opposite’s trope, this reeks of my oc x canon katsu ship sooooo shh shh do not perceive.

the first person who realizes katsuki has a crush on you is his mom because when she comes to pick him up one day from kindergarten he suddenly mentions you. it’s an innocent little interaction he had with you that mitsuki doesn’t think much about at first, simply surprised her son managed to befriend someone outside of his little group of friends until he starts mentioning you more and more.

soon you’re the only thing he talks about and katsuki even starts begging her to have you come over to play. mitsuki is extremely curious to know what kind of person you are to have been able to enchant her son the way you have, she says it’s fine as long as your parents agree.

you’re a sweet little thing, almost the complete opposite of her little devil’s spawn. you’re polite and a little shy when you ask “ is it okay if i come to play at katsu’s house, please miss katsuki’s mom ?” and how could she say no to you ? she pulls at your cheek lovingly and her son almost snarls at her.

“no touchin’ !” he snarks, pulling you against him like you were his teddy bear.

mitsuki was the first to realize her son had a crush on you when you were always around. when he found something cool during a class trip you were there and whenever he was upset it was always because you had argued about something irrelevant that seemed so much bigger in the eyes of a child.

she realized because katsuki had, and in some ways, will always be rowdy. he’s rough and temperamental and moody—basically, he can be quite the brat. (she wonders where he gets that from a lot) but he’s different with you.

he’ll always be a little rough around the edges but it’s the thought that counts. he drags you around a little too hard but it's to show you something he knows you'd like and you repay him by being patient with him and letting him drag you around to his hearts content. he let’s you use the crayons he’d just denied another classmate seconds ago and when it’s really early in the morning and you’re still sleepy unlike your more energetic friend, he waits for you. sitting with you in the reading corner quietly commenting on a little bit of everything in the book you’re sharing until you’re awake enough to start the day because katsuki wanted you to be together through anything no matter what, starting the day without you was simply unimaginable.

you offer him your kindness and he repays you with his loyalty. acting like your guard dog, protecting you from everything and everyone he considers a threat to you. he goes a bit overboard but it’s the thought that counts and he’s definitely got the right intentions.

“ i’m g’nna marry yn when i grow up !” katsuki proclaims from the backseat of the car after mitsuki had come to pick him up. she looks at him through the rear view mirror only to see he’s not even looking at her, looking out the window somewhat longingly, watching as his school fades away from his sight, further and further and further away from you. she smiles to herself.

“yeah ?” she asks “yeah !” he responds proudly, crossing his arms “ i asked yn if she wanted to be my wife an’ she said yeah, so we’re gettin’ married !”

“huh. how’d you propose ? you don’t have a ring.” she jests.

katsuki responds immediately and exclaims he does have one, shuffling around to reach for something in his pocket. he pulls out a plastic ring pop holder, the candy on top is missing and mitsuki can imagine what happened to it.

“gave her one of these !”

“so that’s why you had me buy those from the store last time,” she hums. “ you ate it, though.”

katsuki tries to roll his eyes but just ends up looking up and to the side, mitsuki recognizes it as him trying to mimic what she does a lot and she snorts.

“well duh, we both did ! ‘f i kept it in my pocket it woulda gotten gross !” he defends. mitsuki simply responds with a hum, smile on her face growing larger as she hears her son happily chatting about the rest of his day with you.

she knows her katsuki is hard to handle. extremely so. but when she sees the way you both interact she can tell something is there. you don’t ‘handle’ him. you like being around him. you like playing and talking with him, she sees how happy you make him whenever you come over for playdates. he holds your hand when you get scared and you hug him tight and beam when you see him again after he’s gotten over a nasty cold.

she can tell you make her son happy and he does the same for you in the way children do with pinky promises and shy cheek kisses, kisses over tiny wounds and refusing to be separated whenever the rowdier one of you both gets his recess time taken away for being naughty.

mitsuki hopes this crush, this love you have for her son can grow along with you. she hopes you’ll stick around as katsuki grows up more and potentially more rowdy and rougher around the edges but even more enamored with you. and with the way her son is squirming around in his seat and tugging at his seatbelt, giddy about you accepting his ring pop proposal, she has a funny feeling you’ll be sticking around for a long time.

[crescenthistory]

It's Nice To Have A Friend

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Synopsis: Remus' childhood best friend is the only person he is comfortable showing unrestrained affection towards – until he one day gets in his own head about it.

Words: 14.4k

Warnings/tags: there are some suggestive remarks, brief references to "shagging" and implied underage drinking, but i would classify it as safe for minors! fem!reader, use of y/n, childhood best friends to lovers (thus you grew up in wales and use welsh terms, but you aren't said to be welsh), you are in ravenclaw (only for one plot point, not personality), platonic physical affection, romantic physical affection, kissing, "it was revealed to me in a dream" trope, some miscommunication trope, deep yearning, remus' pov (meaning loads of self-loathing and overthinking), panic attack-ish, remus cursing like a sailor and joking about jumping, kind of shy/reserved!remus, some angst, happy ending ofc, background jilypad

Note: phew this was intense but sosososo much fun to write. it is very much a fluffy fic tho, don't be worried<3 i fucking love this story/dynamic so much

It is an ill-kept secret that Remus John Lupin struggles with romantic public displays of affection.

It was something his best friends had teased him relentlessly for since the first time he was given a Valentine Day’s card in year two by a boy that he didn’t even have a crush on mind you, and became a stuttering, spluttering mess. He could still hear James and Sirius’ barks of laughter the second that Hufflepuff was out of view and could still feel the bench shake from when Peter fell off it, clutching his stomach. Remus had been sure his cheeks would be permanently dyed red from the shame.

His one friend who did not betray him in such a manner was his oldest, namely you. Remus’ sweetheart, as Sirius called you, his childhood best friend from back home who he broke the statute of secrecy for when he was too young to realise what that meant, but who thankfully turned out to be a witch too. Something you both wept tears of joy for, as you did not have to be separated when he went off to Hogwarts.

On that horrid day, you only pinched his darkening cheeks and laughed quietly – still teasing, but in a way that felt more like admiring and less like humiliating. He faintly remembers scrunching his nose at you in response, a look you immediately mirrored before you went to hide him in the crook of your neck and gave the others a faux scolding for “embarrassing poor Rem when he is wholly capable of doing so himself”. 

His makeshift pack of friends kept that routine up for the rest of his school years, consisting of James and Sirius poking constant fun, Peter enjoying it all a tad bit too much, and you “protecting” him while laughing all the same. His affliction only worsened throughout his time at Hogwarts, but if one of his afflictions were to be the butt of a joke, he supposed he was grateful it was this one.

In moments like these, it was a tad bit difficult to keep that sentiment up, though.

“You should have seen the look on his face, doll!” Sirius made out through a laugh as the group made their way back from Hogsmeade. 

He was recounting Remus’ dance on the Three Broomsticks dancefloor with one slightly-more-rowdy-than-normal Emmeline Vance who all but dragged him out there despite his quiet sputters. You had been off on some endless errands that Remus had passionately attempted to join you for before Sirius all but bolted him to the bench because “you owe me a round, you mangy wolf”.

“I believe I have seen it many a time, Siri,” you laughed out, yelping slightly when Remus pinched your side from where he had his arm around you. “Hey!” you scolded him half-heartedly, point diminished by your grin.

“Cheeky minx, don’t side with the devil!” Remus conspired with you through a stage-whisper while glaring at Sirius, whose laughter only doubled in intensity.

“You can’t ask me to lie for you, del,” you replied in the same tone of voice, leaning up to kiss his cheek as if to apologise for your treachery. An apology that was wholly accepted as Remus tugged you closer into his side and allowed for the laughter around him to continue with a sigh.

Because therein lies the one exception – Remus Lupin was pathetically incapable of public displays of affection, unless they were with you.

His problem with these displayals was the insinuation behind them and the attention that was brought to him because of it. If Emmeline dances with him, leaving a scandalously little amount of room between them, he knows what she wants from him and everyone else does, too. If his current romantic partner kisses him in the hallway, it is a glimpse into something that otherwise occurs behind closed doors, a reveal of his private life that he does not enjoy. He wants that part hidden, and embarrassment flares through him like a rocket at the thought that others bear witness to it – and then the flames are stoked when they notice that he knows and has enough dignity to be embarrassed, which just fuels an eternal evil cycle.

You, however – your wonderful self he has known all his life, you who refused to ever leave his side despite his lycanthropy and subsequent grumpy, isolationist persona, you who are his absolute better half and light of his life – there was no reason that affection should be hidden. There was nothing secretive nor fragile in your relationship, it was the purest thing he had ever had the pleasure of having.

There was nothing insinuative or blasphemous about it, there was nothing to be held against him. He would hold you, hug you, even kiss your shoulder, cheek and forehead, because he and all else around knew that it meant nothing more. It was nothing out of the norm, nothing for others to point out and bring attention to. There was no glance into something hidden away, there was no line being overstepped. It was just two best friends, aware and proud of how much they meant to one another.

So Remus never had any hesitations about leaning into your touch, about seeking yours out, about lips identifying exposed skin and staying there for a moment or two. It was something he began doing before he truly knew what embarrassment entailed, it was muscle memory as much as instinct these days.

And if others did not understand it fully, that was an issue Remus for once felt no confinement to public opinion on. If people made assumptions or threw glances, it held no importance to him. Even his Marauders, Sirius especially, raised their eyebrows at your proximity when you all first met, but they understood the routine of it all quickly. That these two first years before them were a package deal in every form of the word. It was quickly accepted within your little pack, albeit fondly commented on every now and again. James had Sirius in that same unrestrained way, bodies strewn across each other at any given opportunity, so why couldn’t Remus have you? Why wouldn’t he?

Never mind that Sirius was officially brought into James and Lily's relationship at the end of last term.

“Well, James would hug anything that moved and seemed like it might need it.” Sirius had argued one night many years ago, not needing to add the and I need it.

“And isn’t that lovely for Prongs,” Remus had drawled in return. “But I need a few years to get there, and Y/N happened to be more strategic than you lot.”

“By knowing you first?”

“Precisely. Also, she’s lovelier than you.” 

It had earned him a snort and a pillow to the face, but it was accepted without further questioning. With the exceptions only occurring in a drunken babble here and there from Sirius, alone in their dorm after a party. Remus is quite certain he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence if his life depended on it in those states, and so he never took it to heart.

Remus revelled in having something of his own, someone only he understood on that level, and his heart always warmed when he thought about how lucky he was that that someone was you.

He subconsciously pulled you even closer at that thought, content and comfortable to do so whether that be around his marauders or in front of the whole Great Hall; there was nothing more to it to be embarrassed of. It was just you; just Y/N and Remus. Like always.

“You occluding yourself away from your menace of a dorm mate?” you whispered to him then, and he angled his chin down slightly with a smile to find you looking at him curiously.

“Oh, yeah,” Remus agreed with a solemn nod. “Must prepare for being locked up in a room with him all night. It’s tedious work, you know?”

“Most certainly.” You attempted to match his faux severity, but a giggle escaped you nonetheless – a beautiful one that Remus decided to mentally save for the night, should Sirius become unbearable.

Speaking of; “I take great offence to that,” Sirius proclaimed from the few strides ahead he was, pointing his finger in Remus’ direction without turning around. “Dog-like hearing, Moony, don’t think you can get away with badmouthing me here!”

“Dog-like he says,” Remus whispered to you, earning him an indignant “oi!” as Sirius finally turned around.

“Gorgeous, would you tell your worse half to knock it off?”

“I sure will,” you declared, turning your body more towards Sirius in Remus’ grasp. “Siri, sweetheart, would you knock it off?”

Within the second, Sirius’ offended expression transformed into one of giddiness. “Awe, princess, you think of me as your other half?”

“Worse half, Pads,” James interjected, looking over his shoulder bemusedly.

“Do keep up,” Remus added with a half-hearted glare.

“Irrelevant!” Sirius threw his hands up and spun around in celebration. “I have won the title of her other half, you can get lost Moons.”

Remus used his arm around your shoulders to angle you back away from Sirius. “I think not. I’ve been keeping this friendship for so long, she’ll need a lawyer to get rid of me,” he stated matter-of-factly, looking down at you at the last bit. “Capiche?” He tilted his head at you.

You hummed through a poorly-withheld smile, as if you were considering it. “Sure thing, cariad. Meet with our lawyers tomorrow after lunch?”

Remus gasped as you ripped out of his grasp and stuck your tongue out at him. Flashbacks of your younger days chasing each other down dirt roads came to his mind and widened his grin as he saw you back away from him, eyes trained on his expression. 

“Minx,” he breathed out through a laugh just before you sat off running away from him; Remus hot on your heels, laughter escaping him freely. Sirius began running with you, though he was slowed as he twirled around and hollered, surely waking the entirety of the mountaintops surrounding the castle.

James had been minding his own business for once as he engaged in quiet conversation with Lily and Pandora, but his eyes twinkled as he eyed his three running friends, exchanging a knowing look with the redhead.

“Young love,” Pandora sighed dreamily, though James could never be certain if she was looking at the loud, carefree forms before them or at something entirely different.

Remus saw you stopped running while still some dozens of metres away from the castle, still facing away from him, but arms opening to accommodate for the impending crash of his body against yours. It does something funny to his heart to think about, but he just lets it widen his smile as he did exactly as expected – let his arms loop around your waist and twirl you around as he caught up to you. 

Your out-of-breath giggles permeated into his ears as his face was tucked in between your neck and shoulder as he slowed down, laughter calming in his own chest.

“Caught you,” he whispered through his own breathlessness. “Happy now?”

You turned in his grasp, squeezing at his shoulders both to show affection and seemingly to steady yourself as your chest still heaved; Remus held you tighter to help you in the latter endeavour. “Shook off Sirius for a bit, so yeah, I am. As should you be.”

He dropped his head laughing at that, glancing behind him through his hair to see Sirius bent over, hands on his knees as James had already caught up to him and was patting his back in sympathy. Any other time of the month, Remus would likely have been right there with him, but this was a good week and you always seemed to be able to find some semblance of energy within him, even if he thought he had none.

“I take back my calling you minx, then.” He looked at you with a smile. “That was strategic.”

“Are you saying minxes can’t be strategic, Loopy?” You raised your eyebrows at him teasingly, pulling slightly out of his grasp to breathe better.

“I’m saying– don’t call me Loopy.”

Your smile became almost taunting at that, and Remus knew his comment likely only worsened the likelihood of you using that nickname now. “I just remembered how I used to call you that the other day actually,” you mused, putting on an innocent smile. “I don’t remember why I stopped, I just forgot about it. I think it might be time for a renaissance.” 

“I think I’m too out of breath for you to say things like that. I can’t chase you any further, but that deserves to be chased.”

You shoved lightly at his shoulder at that. “You’re getting too old, you’re no fun.”

“I’m super fun. Textbook definition,” Remus harrumphed, gleaning when you rolled your eyes through a burst of laughter.

“No one who references textbook definitions is fun, Moons!” James called from where the group was catching up to you two, finally within earshot. 

Sirius was practically draped across James’ shoulder, breath still coming heavy. He pointed yet another accusatory finger, this time at you. “You’ll be the death of me, dollface. Merlin’s tits.”

“Don’t blame me for your own inadequacy, gorgeous,” you quipped back. It made Remus rather proud, especially when Sirius groaned dramatically in response.

“Time to get some beauty sleep then, yeah?” James coaxed, giving Sirius’ cheek a peck as he continued effortlessly dragging him in through the entrance of the castle.

Lily hummed in agreement, poking one of her boyfriends in the side. “Yeah, Sirius seems to need it.”

“You think I’m so sexy, Red, don’t lie to yourself,” Sirius mumbled, petulantly remaining worn out over James’ shoulders.

Remus smiled at his friends, hand reaching out behind him blindly, knowing you’d find it. Surely enough, your fingers intertwined with his own and gave him a little tug to hasten his gait down the hallways.

Moving up the staircases with surprisingly little trouble, the group finally found themselves outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, ready to split up with you and Pandora heading to Ravenclaw and the rest clambering inside. 

You made your goodbyes, quick hugs and kisses on cheeks with Lily and James and a kiss to the hand from Sirius who had decided to lay down dramatically on the floor. When you turned to Remus at last, just a tad bit away from the others, he enveloped you in a warm hug, breathing you in as he settled his chin on your shoulder.

“Let me walk you?” he asked, already knowing you would say no.

“Nice try Loopy, but I’d rather you go inside to the warmth and head to bed,” you murmured into his neck. “Thank you, though.”

You always said no. He always asked, anyway. Sometimes, if he was feeling particularly protective or otherwise missed you too much, he’d go with you anyway. Today he decided to respect your wishes.

“Tell me again why you had to be an independent person and get sorted into your own house?” he grumbled against you, smiling when he felt your chest rumbling beneath him. That same smile softened when your grip on him grew just the slightest bit tighter.

“Something tells me you’ll survive.” 

He tightened his hold on you in turn, one arm around your waist and the other stabilising your neck, before he spun your body around twice, twirling along the hallway. He relished in the laughter that escaped you and ensured to stamp a proper kiss to your hair before he released you back down to the floor.

“Sleep well, dove.”

“Goodnight, cariad,” you said through a soft smile, giving him and the others a small wave before turning around to where Pandora was waiting, grabbing her hand as you two all but skipped down the hallway together.

With his eyes still glued on your disappearing form, Remus nearly yelped as James’ hands came up to settle roughly on his shoulders – albeit somewhat careful of his joints – steering him through the now-opened portrait, who was rambling on with complaints about students taking up the space in front of her for too long.

“Funny that,” James started. 

Remus gave him a puzzled look. “What, Prongs?”

“Just that you danced with one Ravenclaw at the Three Broomsticks for two minutes and gained the colour and conversational skills of a tomato; but when you twirl and kiss this Ravenclaw, all you’re left with is that goofy grin of yours.” James’ comment seemed off-handed, said over his shoulder as they walked through the empty common room.

“First of all, it’s Y/N we’re talking about and not some Ravenclaw,” he started, confusion laced in his voice. In the meantime, James and Sirius kissed Lily goodbye, the latter giving her bum a light tap as she moved up the stairs to the girls’ dorms. “Secondly, it’s Y/N. She’s my best friend, and one of yours, mind you. What’s there to go all tomato for?”

“Some would argue, there is never any reason to go all tomato,” Sirius taunted, ducking the smack Remus aimed towards him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” James laughed, literally waving it off. “Just pointing out the parallel. Ironic, innit?”

“Don’t see why it would be,” Remus grumbled petulantly in return. Sirius reached up to ruffle his hair somewhat roughly before entering their dorm, where Peter was already waiting for them, tucked into bed.

“What’re we laughing about tonight, fellas?” he questioned without looking up from the magazine he was reading through. Remus was fairly certain he had seen Mary reading through that very same magazine last week.

“Oh just at Remus’ peculiarities with birds.” Sirius felt emboldened with his comment from where he was crouched behind his bed – ample distance to protect him from Remus, he surely gathered.

“So, nothing new? Nice.” Peter returned his attention to the magazine it never really left.

“Yeah, don’t worry Pete – your friends are just as big arseholes as on any other day.” Remus bent down to pat the boy on the shoulder before moving over to his own bed, between Peter and Sirius’. 

“Hey, I don’t mean to be an arsehole,” James complained with almost a full pout across his lips within a second of Remus’ comment. “We’re just having a bit of fun psychoanalysing you, s’all.”

“Which, of course, is a generally accepted polite thing to do.” Remus nodded as if he was gravely understanding, only flipping James off when the other boy didn’t catch his sarcasm.

“No, Remmy, what would be rude is to point out how you are desperately–” Sirius began with taunting mirth plastered all over his face, but he was cut off as James all but jumped on him to cover his mouth. 

The black haired boy looked up at his boyfriend first with some offence and then a look Remus didn’t want to witness.

“How about we leave poor Moony alone for the night, huh baby?” James questioned, moving his hand away from Sirius’ mouth as the other boy nodded almost dumbly, still staring up at him.

“Who’s turning red now?” Remus whispered to himself as he looked through his trunk for his pyjamas. He barely had the reflexes to catch the pillow Sirius hurled at him, tossing it back with a loud laugh that was quickly reciprocated by his best mates.

As if a miracle had been awarded them by some forgiving gods, the boys’ dorm room quieted down fairly quickly after that. Sirius and James settled in Sirius’ bed for the night, barely fitting themselves onto the mattress that was almost too small for one boy, let alone two. Once in each other’s arms, however, it was an easy thing to drift off. Peter was asleep before the other three had even brushed their teeth.

Remus was the only one tossing. Not unusual, but he couldn’t really understand why that was tonight. 

His sleep cycle often closely followed the moon’s, and he was almost two weeks away from the full moon, a perfectly decent time for falling and staying asleep. Tonight, though, his body was once more fighting him. He kept replaying the night, the conversations, the interactions, trying to pin his unrest on something. He supposed that dance with Vance had been unexpected and the adrenaline spike of all the attention following it might still linger and make sleep evade him. 

Despite what his dismay for public romantic displays might indicate, Remus was no prude. As a matter of fact, just as Sirius had before he was locked down, Remus was no stranger to making his rounds at the occasional common room party. Rarer was it that he shagged anyone back home, as he spent most of his time with you, but it had happened here and there too. Vance and him had even spent a night together once at a quidditch afterparty, but he had no significant interest in her apart from a mutually understood night of fun. He never really did, even when his partners were great in all capacities. It just didn’t seem that romance was an object for Remus – and good riddance, if the struggles of dealing with it so far was any sign.

Perhaps that was it then, dancing with Vance had rehashed something for him. Though the idea didn’t settle well in his bones, Remus also knew that he would never settle if he didn’t give his mind an excuse for his sudden restlessness.

After checking the time with a hefty sigh, he decided to throw in the towel and took a small sip of a sleeping draught potion he had at the ready in his bedside table at all times. If sleep would not come to him, he would hunt it down damn it. His friends’ playful mockery and a dance he didn’t even want to partake in would not cause him any more torment.

As Remus slipped into the land of dreams, he may come to regret that sentiment, if but a bit.

There are warm bodies pressed uncomfortably close to him – the warmest of which has her arms around his neck, one hand scraping through his hair. It should feel good, Remus enjoys when his hair is played with, but this feels sharp enough to draw blood. Emmeline’s laugh is all he can make out over the chatter and stomping around him, but it feels wrong, scratchy like a record player. Her fingers on him are cold, unlike anything else in the room.

It is spinning. The room, that is. Remus is unfocused, as if he had been shooting vodka and not butterbeer earlier. He can’t quite make out any of his friends, or anyone really, Emmeline’s features bleeding out into the background.

For some reason his heart is pounding the way it does before his transformation. Everything feels painfully wrong and he is aware of every inch of his body where Emmeline is touching him.

She is still laughing and Remus is sure it would make his ears bleed, which only confuses him further because Emmeline is truly a nice girl. Just not one he wants to feel flush against himself at the moment.

He reaches a hand up to touch his ear – realising only now that his arms are hanging limply by his sides, the only static thing in the otherwise spinning room – and when he retracts his hand to look at it, his fingers are coated with blood.

His breathing grows ragged as he feels the blood running down the side of his neck. He has half a mind to tell Emmeline, to shout for help. He doesn’t. Nothing comes out when he tries to open his mouth, all control of his body ripped from his grasp.

With no warning he realises the wetness on his neck is not blood, but someone’s open mouth smearing kisses down it with reckless abandon. His stomach ties in knots and he wants to push Emmeline off of him, still to no avail.

Her grip on him tightens painfully, and Remus swears he feels a bone break. He would know.

The flurry behind her has just become a swirl of colours and sounds to him and Remus feels himself drowning in a moment he desperately wants away from. He shuts his eyes hard, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

He feels a warmth in his chest, starkly different from the heat around him, that slowly, like thawing ice, begins to spread throughout him. He hums the melody you sang to him during his first ever panic attack, the sweet one that always lulls him to sleep, and the warmth spreads faster.

With his eyes still screwed shut, Remus begins to regain the feeling in his legs first, noticing them swaying back and forth to some calmer, unknown rhythm.

The feeling in his hand returns too, and it’s clasped around someone else's. Theirs is also warm, light and fits much better in his, though he’s not quite sure what he’s comparing it to.

The front of his body is warmer than the back as he’s pressed up against someone, swaying with them in a slow dance that would never have worked in the middle of Three Broomsticks. It flows with his soul.

At last, Remus can hear again, as if coming up from water. He hears that it was not him humming, but rather a soft figure tucked under his chin, humming the vibrations of the melody against the side of his neck.

When he tightens his arms instinctively, he does not need to open his eyes to know it is you.

He does anyway, looking down at you, standing in his arms, swaying together in an empty Gryffindor common room. There is a lazy smile on your lips as you look up at him, cheek against his chest, eyes twinkling like the starlight.

Remus feels right. Remus feels good. His thoughts are honey, sweet but slow, coating over any coherent reactions he might have to standing here with you like this. He escaped and he is with you and all is right once more.

Have you danced like this before? Did it feel like this then?

You seem unpuzzled, relaxed. The warmth settles in Remus for good.

“Hey handsome,” you whispered, as if you were sharing a secret with him before angling your face more up towards his.

Remus is not in charge of his body when his neck dips down and lets his lips meet yours halfway, casual and expectantly, a habit as much as a wish. You taste like yourself. You smell like yourself. Remus is surrounded by you, cornered by your smile against his lips.

You pull back all too quickly, furrowing your brows at him. Dream-Remus has no hesitation of removing the hand from around your back to thumb at the furrow, brushing away any negative thoughts from you. He kisses the spot between your eyebrows.

Everything is right.

When his eyes meet yours again, the concerned look in them has not changed. You reach a tentative hand up to his cheek, thumb swiping over his cheekbone as you hold him with what he irrevocably knows to be love. 

“It’s time to wake up, cariad,” you said with a small sad smile.

The last thing Remus remembers is the feeling of the floor disappearing beneath him.

Remus sat up with a gasp, and for a rare moment in time he was speechless.

He was not a stranger to invasive, questionable or downright spiritual dreams, a side effect of both his connection with the moon and the tons of potions he has taken over the years. Usually, he is present in his dreams and acts as his own little commentator during and after them, narrating what happens and what he thinks of it.

It was not uncommon for him to think “I think I will remember this one” as the final thought in a dream. Or when he wakes up in tears, his first thought was often “that was a bit dramatic of you, calm down”.

Now, he had nothing. Now, he was speechless.

Worse yet, usually when he wakes up with a jolt, it is in the middle of the night – but now, as his senses began to trickle back in, he could hear the commotion around him that only could mean the boys are at various stages in the process of getting ready.

Remus Lupin had just had a life-altering, earth-shattering dream, and James Fleamont Potter was repeatedly knocking his knee into his nightstand as he jumped around while tying his shoes on, instead of sitting down to do it like a normal person would.

He thought James was saying something, and maybe even to Remus specifically, but he could still hear the blood rushing through his head. Beneath that again, he could hear your humming. 

With a groan, Remus let himself topple over from his sitting position to land face-first into his duvet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck?

��Oi!” Remus finally heard, as what felt like a rolled up pair of socks hit his head. “What in Godrick’s name has gotten into you, mate? You good?” It was Sirius voice calling, seemingly from across the room.

Remus just groaned in reply. His eyes were wide open as he stared directly into his sheets, feeling both freezing cold and like his brain was slowed by a fever.

“You okay, Moons?” Peter’s voice came gentler from beside him. Remus thought his hand might be hovering near him, as if he was considering consolingly patting him but was unsure if he should.

Another groan.

“Okay, what about this: groan once if this is Moony mooning over something and twice if you’re in actual crisis,” James suggested, not unkindly.

A singular groan, though it sure did feel like two.

“Groan once if you’re a prick and twice if you’re insufferable,” Sirius felt the need to comment.

Instead of making any further sounds, Remus wrangled his arm from beneath the blanket to show Sirius how he felt about him in the moment with a gesture.

“Fantastic!” James exclaimed. “You have class in 35 minutes, Moons, and breakfast now, so best get a move on.” Remus heard the telltale sound of James leaving – as in, James’ heavy footsteps moving across the floor and Sirius scrambling like a dog to follow after him. At the complete lack of sounds in the rooms after that, he assumed Peter moused after them as well.

At last Remus sat up with a sigh and stared emptily in front of him, mind moving too fast for him to catch a thought but too slow for him to properly process anything.

What does this mean? 

Except Remus could no longer deny that he knew what it meant. That the instant your humming caressed his ears, he knew what it meant. That his subconsciousness wanted to replace a girl who saw him as a romantic prospect in a place Remus felt queasy in with you in a place he considered home. That is no coincidence.

And that when you kissed him–

Except you did not kiss him. Remus shook his head at that, as if the thoughts could just tumble out of his ears. You did not kiss him and he did not kiss you. Because this was a dream, it was not real and Remus must just be really, really unwell.

He felt unwell, but not in the way he was trying to convince himself.

Taking one deep breath, Remus looked to the awning of their little dormitory and shot out a silent prayer for any higher power to listen.

Put me back together, I cannot fall apart like this.

Bury this back down deep, I cannot feel like this.

It was going to be a long day.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

By the time Remus had made it to the entryway to the Great Hall, feeling frazzled and less put together than he had an excuse to, he saw his group of friends making their way out.

“Rem!” It was you who caught sight of him first, and immediately beelined towards him, the others following closely behind, wearing varying degrees of concern and confusion as they looked him up and down.

Your face was by far the most concerned, as you immediately brought your left hand up to cup his cheek. “Are you alright, cariad?”

For the first time in your almost two decades of friendship, Remus was painfully aware of your physical proximity.

He always knew, of course, but it never really registered with him – it was completely natural. Right now, nothing about him felt natural. You stood flush with him and he felt you against him like a fire, skin singeing beneath his clothes. Your eyes seemed so big looking into his that he could get lost in them, his only internal monologue being a dreamy sigh and a long string of curse words at the absolute madhouse chaos that his mind was becoming. As he looked at you, it was like he could see his version of you from his dream as well, how you looked at him with so much love and admiration, how your lips inched closer to his.

“Mate?” Remus realised then, that he had been staring at you for far too long, not answering your question, to the point where James had to try to catch his attention.

“I– uh,” Remus sputtered, eyes flickering wildly all over your face, panic rising in his chest as he realised he could not think clearly with you so close.

He took a step back without thinking, just barely out of your grasp but still close, and shook his head. “Sorry, yeah, no, yes, I just feel a bit… off today.”

The furrow between your brows deepend, and once more his mind flashed back to his dream. His hand twitched. It seemed like you weren’t even aware of it when you took a step closer, to be back by his side, reaching your wrist up to place it on his forehead to feel his temperature. “You’re feeling poorly?” you whispered so quietly and so lovingly Remus thought he might faint.

Was it always like this? It was always like this. Why was he freaking out about it then? He was freaking out. What the fuck was wrong with him?

With horror, Remus realised that a slight blush was creeping up his neck, and he fought hell to keep it down as he cleared his throat. “Just a little, uh, dove, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Do you want to go lay down?” You began what he knew would be a string of suggestions for things to do to make him feel better, and he could not stand watching you be so concerned when he was lying to you.

Almost like a flinch, he pulled back out of your arms – properly this time, taking several strides backwards away from the group. It barely registered with him that James and Sirius were looking at him with some confused amusement while Lily looked sympathetic.

“I, erm, will be fine, yeah? Nothing to worry about.” Without properly looking, he reached an arm out to grab Peter by the shoulder and all but manhandled him to his side. “Peter and I have Herbology now, but uh, I’ll catch you later?”

Remus hated how everything he said sounded like a question, like he was running a lie by you for you to confirm if it was believable. Remus hated that he couldn’t tear his gaze away from your face for more than a few seconds and most of all he hated that he was spiraling under the weight of your gaze in turn. A horrible combination.

“Take care, Rem,” you whispered as he all but ran away from you, hauling Peter along.

You stood looking after him for a moment, only turning your head when you felt Lily’s reassuring hand on your shoulder to find a small smile on her face.

“What in the buggering hell was that?” Sirius questioned, looking mostly at you for an answer.

“I don’t know,” you said, honestly. Had you known, you might still not have told him, though, if you thought Remus wouldn’t want you to. “I usually always know about his moods before they come, but this has me stumped,” you murmured, mostly to yourself.

“He woke up weirdly,” James mused, rubbing his hand across his chin. “I guess we’ll just see where the day goes, yeah?”

The four of you nodded at each other, but you still gnawed on your lip in concern, glancing over your shoulder to where he disappeared. 

Whatever it was, you hoped he would come talk with you about it when he was ready.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Remus only had one hour to compose himself during Herbology before he had Charms with you. Sharing most of his classes with you was something he had always considered a blessing, and while that sentiment would likely never fade, it was also causing him some distress as he almost toppled the work desk with his jittering.

Peter didn’t question him, but Remus’ obvious nerves were apparently contagious for the anxious boy who jittered right along with him, casting him the occasional glance.

Letting his elbows fall heavily on the desk, Remus put his head in his hands and ignored the instructions Professor Sprout was walking them through – he would let Peter pick up the slack for once and then subsequently accept the lower marks. Right now, Remus had to think and get his shit together.

He breathed his way through some panic exercises and pictured you in his mind. It almost brought a smile to his lips in an instant and for the first time, he let the realisation of how irrevocably wrecked for you he was.

Has it always been like this? Why have I never put this into words before? How can I revert back?

In that moment, Remus decided two things. Firstly, there was no possibility of you returning his feelings nor would he ever expect you to. It was true that you accepted and loved him in a way he never could quite believe himself deserving of, but that in itself is testament that it couldn’t be any more. What you gave him was already too much, it would be unthinkable for you to harbour even deeper feelings for him.

Second, and most importantly, he could not lose you. Remus has made many mistakes in his time, but he could not live with himself if he lost you. It would be too much. Because regardless of the fact that he now knew he was– that he now knew what he knew, the friendship between you was the most important thing. It was Remus and Y/N, right?

He could not be weird and sputtering, he could not make you uncomfortable. Meaning, he could not withdraw from you despite his instinct to run and hide. Shame burned within him at the thought that even if he could withdraw he didn’t know if he could fight his want not to. You were muscle memory.

Remus opened his eyes and slowly dragged his palms down his face in resolution. He would have to act as if nothing was wrong, and he would have to lie through his bloody teeth to explain away whatever bodily reactions he has.

If he starts stammering, he will have to shut up and lie that he is tired. If he becomes an embarrassing shade of auburn, he will have to cough and lie that he might be coming down with a fever. If he shakes, it is because of lack of sleep. If he, Merlin forbids, cries, he will have to claim he must be coming down with some odd moonsickness. You will surely follow him to Madam Pomfrey and maybe it will be easier when you’re alone.

Or maybe it will be worse.

No matter which it was, Remus would have to soldier it, for your sake. You did not deserve his imposing infatuation, but you also did not deserve to lose what you thought to be a loyal friend.

When him and Peter packed up the barely-used desk and mumbled a goodbye to a disapproving Sprout in the door, Remus made it his mission to focus on his breathing again as he almost ran down the hallways to where your friend group always met up outside the Charms classroom.

Be normal, be normal, be normal.

Your eyes found him the second he rounded the final corner, almost as if you had been watching it, waiting for him. A beautiful smile lit up on your face as soon as you saw him, albeit a bit dampened by the worry in your eyes – he simultaneously wanted desperately to soothe you while also berating himself for it being there. His fault.

“Hey dovey.” He forced his words to be casual, his smile to be measured as he strode up beside you. 

This is where he is supposed to drag you into a sideways hug, squeezing your hips while dropping a kiss on the top of your head, causing Sirius to make some quip about “you were literally just gone an hour. He stood beside you perhaps a beat too long before he began to do so with shaking hands, and he felt your burning look as you studied him. Remus made it all the way up to where he would kiss your head before he chickened out due to the tornado screaming in his stomach.

“Hi, Rem,” you all but whispered, your words just for him. You opened your mouth to say more, but he was afraid of what it would be.

“Waited long?” he asked to distract you from it.

“Nah,” you said and leaned further into his side. “But I’m glad you’re here now. How’re you feeling?”

At that, he saw Peter, Sirius, James and Lily – who had been stuck in their own little world – look up and try to hear what he has to say. Remus crumbled under their watchful gazes, knowing they knew him well enough to pick apart his every little reaction. He cleared his throat.

“I don’t really know,” he settled for. “My head’s murky, didn’t sleep well.”

You made a soft cooing sound and started rubbing circles on the side of his hip from where your arms were circled around him. It knocked a wave of dizziness into him that made him want to take a step back to lean against the cold stone wall behind you. In replacement he settled for holding onto you tighter; it only made it worse.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go lay down? Merlin knows we won’t be missing out on anything with the way Flitwick rambles away any sense he might have.”

This is where Remus would laugh heartily at your obvious disdain for the professor that he never truly understood. Instead, his mind zeroed in on one word you said.

We. We, we, we, we.

Circe’s tits, did he want to take you up on that.

He swallowed, acutely aware that you must have heard the sound when stood so close to him, though you didn’t give away any reaction. To buy himself a moment to collect his thoughts, Remus finally dared tilt his chin downwards to kiss the top of your head. It might have been too slow, too tentative, but his heart was beating so fast the rest of his body felt too slowed down in comparison. He hoped you thought the kiss was a thank you for caring and not the nervous stall it was. He hoped he wouldn’t be eternally damned for breathing in the scent of you.

“I’m quite alright, dove,” he murmured instead, furiously avoiding the surely questioning gazes of his other friends. “Thank you, though.”

You grumbled some but didn’t push him on it. He silently thanked you for that, too.

His throat was too parched to partake in the silent banter amongst his friends as you walked into Charms, too focused on where your bodies brushed as you walked, too deafened by the sound of your laughter.

You sat down in your regular spots, you and Remus side by side in the front, with Sirius and James behind you and Lily and Mary to your right. This was normal, this was alright. Flitwick droned on about the theoretics and debates around the charms you learned last lesson, it went in one ear and out the other.

Absentmindedly, you had grabbed Remus’ hand lightly between yours and were tracing soothing circles along his wrist and palm. You meant so well, and this would have cured likely any other ailment Remus struggled with, but right now there were fireworks going off in his head.

Taking advantage of the notice Dumbledore had given all of his professors to not call Remus out on sleeping in class, he folded his arms and laid his head down on them, carefully not to take his hand away from you. If he could shield his face, he could probably talk himself down before class ended.

In the solitude of his arms, he could picture it was just the two of you, sitting in the treehouse you built between your houses as children. If he focused enough, he could smell the apples that grew around him and feel the rough wood beneath his stomach. There, your hand would still be in his, maybe even your cheek on his chest, and it would be alright. It would all be alright because it was just you, and Remus could play dumb and he would never have to realise his feelings and fuck himself over.

It almost worked. Until he was interrupted.

“Psst! L/N?” The whisper was laced with a laughter Remus knew too well and did not care for.

You clearly ignored it – Remus could practically see the eye roll you surely threw his way – but that wasn’t enough to stop his theatrics.

“L/N!” Barty called once more from a couple seats behind you to your right, voice threatening to alert Flitwick to your inattention. “What’s wrong with your dog?”

“What?” you whispered back in equal parts confusion and irritation.

“Your puppy, Lupin,” Barty said, as if it was obvious. Unfortunately, Remus could picture his eye roll too, though his stomach was turning for a wholly different reason. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Remus is quite alright, Junior,” you hissed back, hand tightening on Remus’ at the same time as he loosened it. “And don’t call him a dog.”

Remus slowly lifted his head from his arms and took back his hands to wipe harshly at his face, still not looking towards Junior who barked a low laugh.

“Follows you around like one. Wouldn’t surprise me if you had some invisible leash going on–” Barty quipped, cutting himself off before you could respond and turning to Evan Rosier sitting beside him. “Oooooh, an invisible leash is a marvellous idea, Rosie.”

It was clear you had lost his attention, but Remus’ face still burned painfully as he shifted in his seat. With a harrumphing sound, you turned to look at him. He didn’t meet your eye, couldn’t.

“Ignore him.” Remus always marvelled at how you manage to convey your frustration and care at the same time.

He just hummed in the affirmative, still wiping a bit harshly at his face. If he treated it harshly enough, could he blame his violent flush on it?

“Cariad,” you mumbled, gently taking his hands away from his face, clearly spotting his efforts.

He saw your furrowed eyebrows looking at him, and that was the end of what he could take for the lesson. As you opened your mouth, surely to inquire about how he is, like the beautifully kind person he knows you to be, he pushed his chair backwards.

“I think I should probably listen to you and go lay down, dove,” he murmured, avoiding your gaze. Before you could shoot in and say you would come with him, he continued. “Can you please take notes for me in Transfiguration after this?” 

An indirect rejection, a plea for isolation. He didn’t look at your face as he gathered his things, waiting for you to respond instead.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” you said carefully.

What I want is you.

“Yes, please.” Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and pressed a parting goodbye kiss to your cheek, tradition. “Thank you, love.”

Then he was sneaking his way out around the desks, barely catching a murmured voice he knew to be Sirius’, likely leaning forward to ask you about him. His lips singed.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Remus hid away in his room for two hours, actually being truthful and trying to get a nap in. The dorm room felt serendipitous, being swept up in rare silence and a grace of darkness as he trickled in and out of consciousness. If he dreamed more of you, he would not admit it.

Any semblance of reprieve he might have chased down was ripped away from him by the creaking of the door and the wall of sound that followed his three favourite boys who always got on his last three nerves.

“Oi, Moons!” Sirius exclaimed, far too cheerily. “You know the rules!”

Remus propped his head up on his elbow from where he was sprawled on his stomach, looking blearily at the three figures as they situated themselves within the dorm. “The rule to not wake a sleeping sod? Yes, I’m the only one who knows that rule it seems.”

Sirius took off his sweater as he discarded his uniform and used it to swat at Remus. “Nope! No wallowing on your own. Sharing is caring.”

“‘M not wallowing,” Remus grumbled as he let his head fall back into his pillow.

Letting his guard down was undoubtedly a mistake because the second Sirius was out of sight, he had the audacity to jump into Remus’ bed, nearly flinging him off from the impact. Both Sirius and James were laughing boisterously as Sirius collapsed on top of Remus and ruffled his hair when he tried to shove him off. “Not anymore, no, we won’t let you.” 

Remus hated that he loved them.

“Precisely,” James added as he pointed at Remus from where he was changing into his non-uniform clothes as well. “So either speak your mind or perk up, buttercup.”

Remus groaned but let Sirius drag him up into a sitting position. “Can a poor lycanthrope not have one off day without you lot getting your knickers in a twist?” Despite his best efforts, there was no ire in his voice.

“Nope!” James said, popping the p. “Not on our watch.”

“Life is simply miserable without our Moony,” Sirius said, clutching his chest as if he was ailing. “And do you have any idea how weird it is to see your sweetheart without you by her side? It’s like watching a cut up picture.”

All humour that had been creeping into Remus’ expression was washed away in and instant as he swallowed harshly, suddenly averting his gaze from Sirius. Instead, James caught it, who looked at him with big eyes behind his glasses, cocking his head to the side. He looked far too much like the stag he is, before his mouth opened in a small gasp. “Oh,” he whispered softly.

Remus’ heart was beating painfully hard at the look of realisation that crossed his face, turning back to Sirius who had a similar knowing, almost pitying look in his eyes. No, no, no, no.

“I’ll be fine, you, erm, won’t have to live without me much longer,” Remus tried to volley back, just a few seconds too late, tongue feeling heavy at being found out.

If his best mates could see through him that quickly, then you probably already had. He had half a mind to take you up to the Astronomy Tower like old times, so he could apologise and then jump off as an act of redemption.

Sirius gave his shoulder a rough squeeze, shaking him a little as if he knew what was going through his mind. “Fantastic. Then you’ll join us for our free periods, yeah? And the party later tonight?”

Still somewhat sputtering, Remus’ eyes widened to an extent he was sure was comedic. “The pa– the party?”

James smiled at him. “Yeah, Moons. Gryffindor half-term party? That we have talked about all week?”

“Merlin, maybe Pomfrey needs to go easy on the potions she gives you,” Sirius teased, getting up to finish changing.

“Or she could give me more,” Remus whispered hopefully, earning him a round of chuckles. 

“You’ll be fine, Rem,” James said, with an undertone Remus did not care for. “If you’re still feeling… off throughout the day and night, you can always snuggle up with a book and ignore us hooligans.” Then, almost as if he was testing the waters. “I’m sure Y/N would love to join you.”

Remus didn’t deign any of that with a response, but he suddenly thought he should get out of his bed so his face didn’t seem so red in contrast with the white sheets.

“I have some essays to knock out, so yeah, I’ll join you to study,” Remus relented. He opened his own trunk to get changed, but decided to half-ass it and just take off his tie and replace his uniform wool with one of his own patterned jumpers.

“And for the party later!” Sirius corrected, ensuring Remus didn’t think he could back out.

“Sure, sure.” He ruffled his own hair so it was Remus-messy and not Sirius-messed-up-my-hair-messy. “Let’s just go.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Considering the extent to which he could fuck this up for himself, Remus reckoned he had been doing fairly good keeping his shit together throughout the day.

If he mentally cursed more than normal, contemplated the murder of each one of his friends including himself and generally couldn’t breathe, well, that was merely part of it.

The whole lot had shacked up in the library for the triple free periods you had back to back on Fridays. While you doted concernedly over him for the first thirty minutes, you eased up once you seemed to decide that this wasn’t Remus shoving down some lycanthropy-struggles and avoiding support and help. 

As always, the two of you sat in the love seat, your legs sprawled over his lap as you read through your textbooks in the oddest positions. This was usually something he might chide you for – “your neck will hurt if you hang over the edge like that, love” – but today he buried his face into his textbooks with all his might to not seem like he was aware of your body. He was, of course, you burned over his skin and lit up his heart, and Circe’s tits was he the stupidest sod in the whole castle.

Nonetheless, he made it through all three hours, engaging in comforting banter and low laughs with his best mates. When you teamed up with him to mess with Sirius, he at least knew that you weren’t upset with him in any way, even though he was being a lunatic today, even though he most definitely would have deserved it.

What Remus knew would be his breaking point was the Gryffindor party.

It was a laid back event, a party thrown for all of Gryffindor, though it was mostly the upper years who were encouraged to attend. They arranged it halfway through every term to celebrate making it through and engaging with each other. Meaning, most people didn’t get shitfaced but there was some good bubbling energy maintained throughout the whole night.

You and Remus had a tradition for how you dealt with parties – just as you had a tradition for pretty much everything, he had come to notice. Gods, he lov– Stop it.

Neither one of you were necessarily fond of large crowds, but you both were incredibly loyal and fond of your friends and wanted to spend time with them. Thus, you attended the parties, but you always did so together. The more uncomfortable you got, the closer you would get to each other, and if one ever needed a break, they would tap the other three times and they would make up an excuse to usher them out of there.

It had never felt so unnerving to be so known.

Throughout the whole party he had been jittery, head rushing with thoughts. He desperately tried not to take in your outfit and then he desperately tried not to read into it when you seemed disappointed he didn’t compliment you for it like he usually did. Why did he have to be such a sweet best friend normally? Remus can’t keep up with himself.

It did not help him in the slightest that others around the party seemed to focus on your outfit much more openly than he could dare. It made him gravitate even closer to you, tighten his hand on his hip, momentarily rest his chin on the top of your head – and then his actions made him want to kick himself. Possessiveness was the last thing he could be engaging with when he was already betraying you in such a manner. 

Leave it to Remus to fuck up something beautiful.

To say you didn’t seem to notice that he was troubled would be taking it too far, but at least you didn’t seem to notice why. You kept him close to your side and would at random points stroke his back soothingly. He wondered if you just thought he was uncomfortable with the party.

You were chatting with Pandora by the drinks table when Barty and Evan strolled up to you both with cheshire cat grins.

“There he is, back on his leash,” Junior said through a menacing laugh, ignoring Evan’s slight elbow to his side. “Feeling better, darling?”

“What brings you to the lions' den, Junior?” Remus asked carefully to divert the topic.

“Well. Y/N’s going so Pandora’s going so Evan’s going, and thus–” he did a small flourishing spin “– I’m going.”

“You’re impossible,” Evan murmured, while Pandora just smiled happily. 

“Is he feeling better, then?” Barty asked once more, this time looking at you.

“No, actually,” you said with a small smile Remus knew not to be genuine. “He is absolutely devastated you’re not in the Slytherin common room right now. He had big plans for you there, you know.”

Remus tried to choke down his laugh as Barty looked torn between glee and irritation. Somehow he made both work. “Sorry to soil your plans then, Lupin. Better luck next time.”

Then he stalked off in almost a hurry and Remus couldn’t help but hope he was going to Slytherin to check if you were telling the truth. 

He looked down at where you were standing beside him and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You really are a minx,” he whispered conspiratorially.

That turned out to be his undoing. You turned your head to the side to look up at him with mirth playing around in your enamouring eyes, a soft tilt to the corner of your mouth. And your face was oh so painfully close to his.

Remus became acutely aware that he could easily lean in and catch your smile with his. That the air he was breathing had been close to you in some of the only ways he had not yet. That he must look like your boyfriend when you’re standing essentially pressed up against each other like this.

That he most certainly has been looking at your lips for far too long.

When he flicks his gaze back up, he sees a slight furrow between your brows again as you seem to take in his reaction, and suddenly he goes from having butterflies in his stomach to needing to throw them all up. He took a sudden staggering step backwards, almost crashing into James who was engaging in some animated discussion with Marlene.

“I, uh,” Remus said and dear Godrick he was stammering. “I’ll get us some drinks and we can sit down, yeah?” He didn’t wait for you to respond, instead spinning his back to you and hoping you pick up conversation with Pandora again.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t be a bloody arse.

He hoped he had steadied himself enough by the time he plopped down in his favourite grandfather chair near the fire. He placed both of your drinks on the table in front of him, vowing to touch his as minimally as possible to make sure he keeps whatever wits he has left with him.

A dumb smile takes over his face as his breathing quickens when he sees you make your way over to the seating area, after having listened to his desperate silent plea and finished your conversation with Pandora. Pushing his luck, he shoots another silent prayer that it will be smooth sailing from here, which is apparently promptly ignored as you happily sit down in his lap.

Fuck.

This, he reminds himself, is also normal for the two of you. Especially at parties, especially if you have reason to believe he is unsteady in any sense of the word, which he most certainly has given you plenty of reason to believe. 

You give him some form of greeting he can’t quite catch and isn’t sure if he reciprocated as you settle down, putting majority of your weight on his right thigh as you lean your body sideways against his. One of your arms snuck around his shoulders, fingers winding up playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, while the other is stabilising yourself on his knee. Majority of your close friends had followed your lead by sitting down in the small gathering, chattering amongst themselves. He was half-aware that you were rambling on about something to him, something he probably really wanted to listen to, but it felt like his head was underwater.

Unsure of what else to do, he lowered his face into your shoulder and took deep breaths there.

You seemed wholly unbothered, fingers continuing in his hair as your soothing voice carried him through what he feared might become a panic attack. He was almost there, when the cocoon you two had in your chair was burst by the presence of your other friends.

“You alright there, Moons? You’re not going to go all vampire on poor Y/N?” Sirius’ tone was lighthearted and teasing, but Remus felt as if he might actually die.

“Oh, he’s quite alright,” you answered for him with a smile before he could embarrass himself, immediately switching over to engage in conversation with the friends sitting closest to you. Your hand on his knee squeezed reassuringly.

Fuck, how could he not love you?

He loved you.

Remus almost had to fight crying as he hid in the crook of his neck, overwhelmed by his own emotions and the surely watchful gazes of those around him – the latter of which was why he couldn’t. 

With a deep breath he let his desire win for just one second and pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder before emerging from his hiding place. He shifted you carefully to be more comfortable, so that your back was against him and he could rest his head on the shoulder he just kissed.

He did fairly good, partaking in conversation, engaging with the others, albeit more quietly and less than usual. He laughed and he smiled and you were so soft against him, as if you had melted. Remus was in heaven while being tortured.

Marlene wolf whistled quietly from where she was sat on the floor, eyeing Remus with mirth. Though he still did not know why, he was already turning red, the tips of his ears burning.

“Hi, Remmy.” He heard the soft voice say beside him and he turned his head to see Emmeline giving him a somewhat sly smile. “The dance floor’s picking up. Want to go for another round?”

Remus’ stomach churned. Emmeline was such a sweet girl and he never could say no to her, the only thing that felt worse than the embarrassment from his friends’ teasing was the thought of embarrassing her – though Remus was sure even thinking like that made him into an even bigger arse.

Sirius and James had told him multiple times that he could say no. As had you, reminding him how important it was to have boundaries, even while you were sitting practically on top of him at the time. He just could never bring himself to.

Yet his mouth seemed to move on its own accord before he could think, arms tightening around you. “No, not tonight Emmeline, sorry. Knock yourself out, though.” He tried to give her a warm smile, but his movements seemed to be outside of his control at the moment, breath sucked from his lungs.

He realised with a sting that he should have given her more credit all along when she beams back at him. “No worries, enjoy your night!” she cheered before twirling towards the dance floor herself.

Remus let out a shaky breath and turned to his friends who were almost staring him down. James’ mouth was even open in shock, which he thought was a bit dramatic.

“Hold on, what just happened?” Sirius guffawed. “Has our little Moony learned to say no?”

Remus flushed even further. “Shut up, Pads.”

“Don’t think I will,” his mate replied with a wolfish grin turning to look to the others for support. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“What’s inspired this change in you?” Mary asked thoughtfully, propping her head into her hands as if she was settling in for a lengthy response.

All eyes were back on Remus and he felt like the mask he had been clinging to all day was crumbling. The nerves that shot through him like lightning now was not his usual humiliation from being in a charged spotlight – no, this was fear. Genuine fear that if he didn’t get his head screwed back on within two seconds, he might say something too revealing, or his face would do it without him having to open his mouth. That his fiery ears would somehow spell out I am in love with my very best friend and I realised it too late and am making it everybody else’s problem. He had no idea what to do.

In his time of despair, with Mary’s big eyes staring up at him, Marlene and Lily already snickering between them and Sirius raising an expecting brow, his instincts knew of only one way out.

His finger on your hip lifted. Tap, tap, tap.

Almost as if a switch had gone off, you made a soft gasp and turned to look at him in his lap. “Gods, Rem, speaking of Emmeline, I totally forgot our gift for Sirius in my dorm room in Ravenclaw!” you exclaimed, putting your all into the act. Your excuse seemed to be a good one as Sirius’ head immediately picked up, not unlike that of a dog’s if you said the word ‘treat’ around them. “We have to go get it before the party’s over.”

You elegantly hopped up and out of his lap, dragging him behind him with a grip on his elbow. Remus stumbled and scrambled behind you, tossing a sorry don’t know what that’s about look to the others over his shoulder. He barely caught sight of what he could only classify as a knowing exchange of smiles between James and Lily.

Before he could truly process your rescue mission, he was standing outside in the cool hallway breathing heavily, portrait closed behind him. 

Before him, you stood with your hands on your hips, scanning his face thoroughly, making him almost cower beneath your gaze. You seemed to make up your mind about something as you took his hand once more and walked with him down the hall in silence, rounding the corners until you reached one of the deep windowsills, the kind the two of you would always sit in and read. 

You jumped to lift yourself into it and once you were sat with one hand on each side of your body, you levelled him with a look.

“Okay, spill,” you said, directly but not unkindly. “What is going on with you?”

Remus did not think this through. He needed help and so he called upon you for it like he always does, not thinking to consider that that might very well make this worse for him.

“It’s…” he began, picking at straws in his mind for an excuse. “It’s nothing, dove. Really.” 

“When’s my birthday?” you asked then, to his surprise. He furrowed his brows at you and told you the date. You smiled a bit smugly. “Exactly. So you know I wasn’t born yesterday.”

He genuinely laughed at that, even if it was at his expense. He let his body do as it wished and took a small step closer to you. Not enough for your bodies to touch, but enough to feel like he was in your space. Safe, even in his panic.

“Remus,” you said softly, painfully gently. You rarely used his first name, and now when you did, it was laced with an undertone he couldn’t stomach. It was beginning to sound a bit like hurt. “What is going on with you? Why… why are you acting this way towards me?”

Because you are the one thing I have never had to question and now I’m questioning everything. Because I’m a bloody prick who has one dream and ruins his life over it. Because my mind is running a mile a minute and your lips feel like magnets and I swear I am losing control in a way I only do during full moons.

“I don’t know what to do,” he ended up whimpering quietly, cowardly.

You looked around the hallway as if the answer would be written on any of the walls and moved your arms slightly to gesture around you. “About what? I can’t help you unless I know what it is, cariad.”

He scrunched his face for a moment, looking away from you. “Can we not do this? It’s nothing you can fix, dove.”

You seemed to grow even more confused at that, almost frustrated. “Why not?” He realised then that the two of you had always helped each other through everything. Being locked out must hurt. He wanted to kick himself, but he didn't know what else to do. “What’s wrong, Remus, please I just–”

Remus is besieged by the power of someone much more reckless, driven by desire to alleviate you of your confusion and him of his pain.

He cut you off with a kiss.

He took a large stride forward to slot himself in between your thighs, eliminating the space between you within a second, bringing both hands up to cup the sides of your face and bring it towards him. His eyes were shut tightly, furrow in his brows as his lips all but smashed against yours in a kiss that felt sacrificially sacred. Your lips are just as soft as in his dream, as is the small gasp that escapes you as you tense in his grasp.

Remus has never felt better and he has never felt worse.

The kiss lasts for about 10 seconds before he pulls away in even more of a flurry. His hands lost their grip on you first, hovering over your cheeks briefly, as if considering going back in before thinking better of it. He still had you captured in the kiss, hanging on to it for as long as he could deign himself, knowing it was his last opportunity to do so, all the while kicking himself over it.

Backing away, he put double the distance between you. He felt drunk, stumbling slightly as he all but scrambled away, a stinging sensation behind his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I don't know why I did that. I didn’t mean to,” he breathed out, reeling at his own impulsivity. “That,” he said through a shaking voice as he looked anywhere but your face, “is my problem, and Y/N, I am so, so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

For the shortest second, he lets his eyes flicker quickly over your face before rushing back to stare at a statue on the wall beside you. Your face was blank, eyes wide. Your fingers were barely touching the lips he had just enclosed in his own.

You must be disgusted. You must be horrified. You must feel violated and Remus wanted nothing more than to disappear from the face of the earth and rid you of this undying problem.

He was every bit the beast you had tried to convince him he wasn’t.

“Why…” you began, voice but a whisper, before you trailed off.

Remus had to shut his eyes at that, tilting his head slightly to the side. If he breathed through his nose, he might not cry. He was sitting before the highest court he knew, and you were about to ask him to explain himself.

“Why are you sorry?”

The words floored him a little, enough to make his eyes snap open and land back on your face. You looked deeply concerned, brows tilted upwards as you seemed to take his face in. “Remus,” you whispered now that you finally had his eyes on you. “Why are you sorry?”

He shook his head in confusion, feeling every bit like the boy he was. “I shouldn’t have done that.” It was all he could get out through his hoarse voice. He also had no idea how to answer that question in a satisfactory way.

You took in a short sharp breath and then lowered yourself onto the ground to stand before him. With your hands held out in front of you, almost as if you were ready to lunge out and catch him if he was to run – an idea that was becoming increasingly enticing to him – you took a small step towards him. “Why?” There was a growing spark in your eye, dimmed only by your worried frown.

“Y/N.” He didn’t know what else to say, eyes trained on you.

“Cariad,” you replied in the same tone, and a tear slipped down his left cheek. You took another measured step towards him, enough to reach out for him if you wanted to – but of course, you wouldn’t want to, not anymore. “It’s alright.”

He felt dizzy at the lack of the scolding or disgust he had braced himself for, realising how stupid he was for even fearing that from you. No, you would reject him sweetly and kindly, and his heart would never be mended from it. That felt worse, somehow.

“It’s not,” he whispered. “Please don’t say it is.”

You smiled ruefully and took another small step towards him. He could feel the warmth eminating from you. Tentatively, you reached up a hand to wipe at the tear still sitting on his left cheek. He held his breath and fought the urge to lean into your touch, but when you pressed your palm more firmly against his cheek, he couldn’t anymore. A soft sigh escaped him and he let his eyes fall shut as your touch supported him. “It is, my sweet boy,” you whispered with an urgency that almost convinced him. “Remus, can you answer me honestly?”

His body tensed once more as his eyes fluttered open to find yours, reverent. Most parts of him were still screaming at him to run away, to shut up, to do anything but this. His heart seemed to be in charge for the moment, though, and he nodded slowly. Trusting you with his world even as he felt like a traitor in yours.

“All this, today… has it been because you have realised you’re… in love with me?” You seemed to be piecing it together as you said the words out loud, eyes carefully searching his face for his reaction.

Another tear slipped down his cheek, and you quickly caught it with your other thumb, both hands now cradling his face. “I’m so sorry,” he said once more.

“You’re not allowed to be,” you whispered, giving him a half-smile, almost as if you were indulging him in a secret of yours. “Please answer the question?”

It was now or never. “Yes.”

To his utter surprise and deep-seated confusion, the smile on your face grew genuine, settling into the one he always searched for. He almost opened his mouth to question it before he was cut off.

No words can describe the sensations that bloomed in his chest, the butterflies that flitted in his stomach, when you used your hands on his face as leverage to pull him towards you for another kiss.

You kissed him. You kissed him. You were kissing.

His mind was threatening to take off like a rocket and captiulate, but his hands had never been more steady as they circled around your waist, splaying out over the small of your back as he dragged you closer. You sighed against him, smile still evident over your lips, and Remus dared – like the bastard he was – to mirror it. 

You were warm against him, but wholly different than you had been in his dream. This felt distinctly real. And just as right.

When you pulled away, your hands had migrated to the back of his neck and you kept your forehead leaned against his. “Good,” you murmured with your eyes still closed. “Because the feeling is mutual.”

He almost reared his head away from you, but managed to only pull back a few centimetres to stare at you in awe. Remus opened his mouth, but no words came out; he could find none intelligent enough to verbalise how utterly gobsmacked he felt.

You seemed to understand him just as well, going by your breathy laugh. There was still that spark in your eye, now shining brightly in the absence of your worry. Had the worry been for him?

“I know I don’t say this enough, but you really are quite an idiot, aren’t you?” you laughed and he slowly felt his heart start beating again.

“Spent too much time with Sirius and James, clearly,” he muttered, half expecting the joke to land flat and you to remember how disgusting he was. Instead, your laugh intensified and you leaned your body further against his. It emboldened him to ask, “What do you mean the feeling is mutual, dove?”

You let your arms glide further up, crossing behind his neck and over his shoulder, bringing him impossibly closer. “Remus John Lupin,” you whispered sincerely. “I am madly in love with you. Romantically. Genuinely. Any thoughts you have that explain that away are false and you mustn't listen to them. I thought you knew by now that I’m always right.”

Even as the grin involuntarily established itself on his face, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. He looked at your face, truly studied it, and he could feel his mind ever so slowly calm down. “You are.”

“What am I?” You were testing him, and he allowed it wholeheartedly.

“Right,” he confirmed. Albeit a bit more hesitantly, he knew better than not to add, “and… in love with me?”

“Two points to Gryffindor.” You reached up to give his lips a soft peck. It felt so natural, like it was already habit for you. He desperately wanted it to be.

“I’m sorry, I’m still reeling from this, dovey,” he confessed, trying to process everything.

There had never been any judgement to be found in your face. “Which parts are you struggling with the most?” 

Your eyes were full of understanding, your face scrunched up in concentration. Remus indulged himself in an old habit by reaching up with one hand to thumb the furrows away. It made you smile just like he wanted it to, and gave him a minute to think. “I don’t understand how I didn’t get it before now. I don’t understand how or why you put up with me. I don’t understand how to keep all these feelings inside such a small heart.”

Your hands were stroking his back carefully as you considered his words. “Well, firstly I would argue your heart isn’t small at all, though I get what you mean. You’re not meant to keep all the feelings inside, you know? That’s when you get all sputtery and jittery and start avoiding your best friends.” You gave him a pointed look and he almost shied under your glance. “Sharing them before you bubble over is always a good thing. We’ll work on it together. As for why I put up with you; I don’t. There’s nothing to put up with, I just enjoy you like we always have.”

Your eyes had trailed off into the distance as you thought, but you brought them back to him with a small smile as you added the final part. “I don’t know what did make you realise, so I can’t help you much there. All I can say is, sometimes we don’t see what is right in front of us.”

Remus nodded along to your words, feeling peace spreading within in that manner only you could inspire in him. He truly was an idiot, wasn’t he? “How long have you known?” he asked then, curiously.

“About you or me?”

“Both?” His smile was becoming closer to his standard sheepish one, and you seemed to preen at the sight.

You bobbed your head side to side as you considered. “It’s hard to pinpoint an exact date – it wasn’t an overnight discovery you know?” Remus did in fact not know nor relate. “But I realised we were in love, not either one’s feelings. It just sat calmly within me.”

“You mean you didn’t freak out to the extent where all students and professors alike were worried about you?”

He grinned at the small giggle that drew from you as you decidedly said, “No. Definitely not.” You studied him for a minute more. “I think I realised about five months ago, but I didn’t feel any real need to rush anything. It felt less like being given a to-do list and more like being revealed the plot twist in a movie before it happens, if you understand? The two best friends get together in the end, don’t tell anyone.”

He ducked his head at that. While he could not relate, your explanation and experience was so wholeheartedly you that it endeared him to no end. “Does that mean we should just ignore it for five more months or…?” His grin turned cheeky as you lightly swatted his shoulder.

“Nah,” you chuckled. “I reckon we’ve waited long enough, yeah?”

He sighed with a smile. “Yeah.”

You both leaned forward at the same time, as if to seal the deal with a kiss. Remus could feel it like electricity in the tips of his fingers, and he understood what you meant about knowing. Now that he was no longer in a constant state of panic, he felt incredibly calm about the whole ordeal.

Or maybe that’s just how he feels around you.

“Should I ask you formally to be my girlfriend, or are we just skipping straight to marriage?” he whispered against your lips.

Remus felt almost wolfish when you barked a loud laugh, throwing your head back and tightening your hold on him instinctively. “I think girlfriend’s enough for now, yeah cariad?”

“If you insist.” He kissed you through his grin, realising that this was all he wanted to do now.

Like he had so many times before, he tightened his arms around your waist and twirled you around in a few circles, legs flying out behind you. Except this time, your giggles were not hidden in his neck but pressed against his lips, and he tried to capture as many kisses as possible while he spun you.

When you landed with a breathless giggle, he kept one arm firmly around your waist as the two of you slowly made your way back to the Gryffindor common room. He wondered if maybe he could grab some blankets and bring you up to the Astronomy Tower so you could be alone without his friends’ meddling. Yet, he wanted to see them as well, ready to volley back any quips about “took you long enough” and “I fucking called it”. Plus, you argued that you should prove that he was in fact alive and sane.

When he walked the halls back to the Gryffindor common room with your body against his, everything felt right. When you entered together, and everyone read what had happened written clearly across your faces, resorting to their usual hoots and hollers, arguably louder than ever before, it never stopped feeling right. 

Remus being Remus, flushed deeply and averted his gaze, as he would continue doing under any uncalled for attention – but your arms squeezing him around the middle brought him right back down and your kiss to his shoulder soothed the burn of their gazes.

“What’s my gift then?” Sirius later asked salaciously as he eyed you two up and down where you cuddled together right back in the same chair, as if nothing changed. Maybe nothing really did.

You grinned widely and cleared your throat. “I honourably present to you,” you said and opened your arms towards Remus with a flourish. “A Moony who is no longer mooning.”

The little group erupted in even more cheers, celebrating the massive feat of taming their brooding boy. Remus couldn’t help but laugh along, even at his own expense. His cheeks were red but it was equally due to the exertion of laughing as it was a tinge of embarrassment. When he hid his face into the crook of your neck again, he didn’t feel nearly as guilty when he pressed a few kisses to the bare skin he found there – even less so when you melted against him with a sigh.

It felt as if a permanent smile had been sown onto his face where he sat, more content than he believed he had been while inside this castle.

Despite Remus Lupin’s disdain for public displays of affection, he had held you publicly many times before this. They all paled in comparison to the feeling of you in his arms now. 

It had always been significant to him in its casualty, just as you have always been significant to him long before he had the mind to put the feeling into words. He will always treasure every moment of your existence in his orbit. Yet the way you melted into his skin now, growing roots in each one of his aching bones – no, nothing could compare to it.

Yes, Remus Lupin ailed from public displays of affection. But you were his cure.

[yuukirita]

He's doing hand talk :'D Cute and Sad.

[adler-obsessed]

god. Vivienne really is just. that character. She is taken to the circle so young she does not remember what her parents even looked like and someone had to tell her. She wouldn’t even know if they were telling the truth. She is ruthless, the terror and nightmare of the Orlesian court. She almost weeps when you find the Tranquil skulls in Redcliffe. She hates drop waists. She is harrowed younger than any other mage in living memory. She teaches Bull the steps to the dance of the six candles. He likens her to a Qunari dreadnought that has half the enemies on the ground before he’s even reached the front line. Her accent’s not Orlesian. No Free Marcher can tell where she is from either. Is her original voice another part of herself she cut off? She enchanted a duke within one meeting and they scandalised even Orlesian society. She was good friends with his wife. They possibly fucked too. No can control her. She’s been owned since the moment she was first brought to the Circle. She belongs to no people. There are a dozen leashes around her neck claiming otherwise. She makes fun of an elven god for setting his coattails on fire.  She is on the verge of banishing Cole back to the Fade all the time. She can’t help but grow to care for him at the end despite her best efforts to pretend otherwise. She hates herself for it. She thinks caring makes you weak. During the first conversation you have with her unmasked as a Trevelyan, she begs to know if you also cared about her childhood friend, Lydia. She tries to import illegal fur into Skyhold. Did she kill everything soft within her soul herself or did the Chantry sisters do it for her? She is impossible to prank. Some might say she’s even better than Sera at pranking. She was pulled into the game by the time she was nineteen. She’d faced worse things since she could first remember her dreams. Life has never been fair. One merely needs to be hard enough to survive. The blade at her neck when she lay on the floor of the harrowing chamber was no different from the hunger in her belly as child, a necessary pain that only drove her forward. Maker, was there ever any chance that she did not see cruelty as simply another word for life? Is there any version of her that does not end up surrounded by moral filth? 

[chipper-smol]

[sammys-magical-au]

When the Eldrich Meets the Ethereal

Hey y’all. I’m trying something new here lol. Usually I post my fics on Wattpad and make a post with the link on here, but I thought I’d use a different format for this one since it’s based off the works of a good friend of mine *winks*

Before we start! I wanna say that two of the characters in this story DO NOT belong to me!! Sol Magee, LeviathanPat (aka just ‘Pat’, because no human could say the first part of his name and live), and one sort-of nameless character we’ve only talked about belong to my dear friend @wouldntyou-liketoknow, who this fun little fic is for, but Sam Ryder and Harmonia, as well as the concept of the Ancient Ones, are mine.

Warnings include mild descriptions of gore & other-dimensional beings/abilities.

And with that! Let’s get into it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you know there’s a space-time rift not too far from this place?”

Sol glanced up from her work behind the desk into the piercing green eyes of an incredibly tall person, likely in their mid forties, with golden hair fading to blood red in an unnatural obmre, and likely of Latine descent. The word “piercing” being used specifically because Sol felt the slightest twinge of pain looking them in the face, as if something didn’t want them to look them in the eye.

“Umm…” she murmured, “not ‘hello’? Not ‘this is a cool museum you’ve got here’? Not even ‘are you the manager of this place’?”

“Well, based on my prior research I’d say you’re the Sol Magee I’m looking for,” the stranger said with a shrug, “awesome name, by the way. Plus, I already know what’s in this museum and have a pretty good idea of where a lot of it came from, so I don’t really need to look - it is pretty fascinating though, in a don’t-look-at-it-for-too-long-or-you’ll-have-nightmares-about-it-for-the-next-month kind of way. Not that I haven’t seen that sort of stuff before, but I digress. You’ve got a point about not saying hello, though, that was rude of me. Hello! The name’s Sam. Sam Ryder.”

The stranger offered their hand to Sol as they introduced themself, and she reached out to cautiously shake it.

The moment their hands touched, Sol momentarily felt like something was rattling her bones, and a dull screech began somewhere in the back of her mind. They did their best to hide it.

“And what are you here for, exactly?” Sol asked when the feeling had subsided.

“Just routine business,” Sam murmured - again, shrugging, “I’m Torchwood, by the way.” They added, producing an ID card from their breast pocket and holding it out for Sol to see.

She didn’t recognize the little T-shaped symbol made of interlocking hexagons on it, but it looked too legit to be a fake.

Besides, they’d been expecting a strange visitor to The Abnormal Orchard for a while now, ever since the premonitions had started about a week ago.

She hadn’t expected this very human-looking stranger, however. They seemed pretty normal compared to what her senses and the fact that Pat had been reluctant to come out of his nest for several days told her. That wasn’t to say that looks couldn’t be deceiving, this ‘Sam’ might be more than what meets the eye.

Seeming to realize Sol was lost in thought, Sam tilted their head to one side, pocketing their ID.

“Something the matter?” They asked.

Sol shook their head to clear it.

“Not at all,” she said, forcing a smile, “what was it you needed to do here?”

“Just have a look around,” Sam murmured, “make sure nothing here is too dangerous to be around the public, that kinda stuff.”

“Oh, you won’t find anything of that nature,” Sol assured them, stepping around the desk, “w- I make sure everything is safe before putting it on display.”

They cringed internally as they almost let the museum’s secret slip.

There was definitely something off about Sam if she’d so easily been that close to revealing the truth to them.

“And the thing in the attic?”

Sol’s heart slammed to a painful stop.

For a second they thought they had spoken without thinking, until they caught the somewhat triumphant sparkle in Sam’s too-green eyes and the smirk curling their lip.

“Hey, no need to worry,” they said, “I won’t hurt him, I promise. I just wanna make sure he won’t hurt anyone else.”

“He won’t,” Sol said immediately, “I know him. He’s a… friend, I suppose.”

“If you could call an eldrich abomination that, sure.” Sam mused, already headed for the spiraling ramp that lead to the museum’s top floor. “Sorry, as much as I’m willing to take your word for it, unfortunately I do have to see for myself. Can’t slack off on the job, y’know.”

“How do you even know about him?” Sol demanded, now furious as they began ascending the stairs behind Sam, “no one knows about him!”

“Let’s just say I was passing through here several years ago because of a strange signal coming from out in the desert. At first we thought it was probably nothing, until it kept growing stronger and stronger, until we could finally place its exact location to right here!”

They turned around with a grin and pointed downwards at the floor as they said it.

“Pretty fascinating, if you ask me,” they added, “we’ve certainly never seen anything like it before. How’d you meet him?”

“By accident…” Sol admitted, deciding they might as well just tell the truth, “I opened a window and he got in.”

“‘HÈ’ hå§ å ñÄMÈ, ¥ðµ kñðw!” A familiar voice shouted from everywhere and nowhere all at once.

Instead of being terrified, Sam just raised their eyebrows, mildly impressed.

“I call him ‘Pat’,” Sol offered, “I think our eyes would fall out if we tried to say the first part of his name out loud.”

“Good to know,” Sam said simply, “hello, Pat! I knew somebody with that name once, he was great man.”

They paused, as if reminiscing for a moment.

“̆’§ å £åïrl¥ ¢ðmmðñ ñåmê.” Pat responded dryly.

“Is that why you chose it?” Sam asked, continuing their ascent to the fifth floor.

No reply.

Sam wasn’t deterred, just kept climbing.

“You shouldn’t face him without protection.” Sol murmured when they’d reached the landing at the top of the ramp and were walking in single file along the hallways filled with unnatural, uncanny paintings.

Despite the fact that Sol wasn’t leading them, Sam seemed to know their way around the museum fairly easily without direction. They also didn’t seem to be affected at all by the art pieces on the walls - except for one particular painting of a bright yellow triangle with stick-limbs and a single eye that seemed to follow the viewer wherever they went, that one made them pause and give a slight grimace, but that painting seemed to affect almost everyone who looked at it for too long.

“Good one, that’s funny,” Sam chuckled in response to Sol’s warning, which had definitely not been an innuendo, “don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of protection.”

Before Sol could speak again, Sam raised their hand in front of their face. Sol watched, transfixed, as their palm and the white metal bracelet on their wrist started to glow, and trails of gold mist emerged from their fingertips to swirl through the air, arching towards their head. Sam closed their eyes, and their face was momentarily engulfed in an ethereal glow that took the form of a mask.

Sol realized that the bracelet on Sam’s wrist had disappeared and had taken the form of the metallic mask now fitted over their face, which was embedded with rainbow colored crystals and engraved to look like a roaring tiger’s face with feathered wings sprouting from the sides. In the centre of the forehead was a particularly large, blue-green gemstone in the shape of a four-pointed star, which matched the color of the faintly shimmering, translucent material covering the mask’s eye-holes.

“Is this protection enough?” Sam asked, sounding a just little bit smug as the edges of their eyes crinkled, making in clear that they were grinning at Sol through the mask.

Sol rolled her eyes, pushing the sense of awe aside for a moment.

“I knew you weren’t human.” They murmured instead.

“Oh, I’m just as human as you, sweetheart,” Sam replied, “but, also like you, I just happen to have connections with things beyond human comprehension. But if the one I’m connected to met Pat here, they’d probably both explode into flames at the sight of each other, so sending me was our compromise.”

“§ðmê ‘¢ðmþrðmï§ê’,” Pat grumbled, “¥ðµr þrê§êñ¢ê ïñ †hï§ ßµïlÐïñg ï§ ïñ¢rêÐïßl¥ þåïñ£µl.”

Sam shrugged apologetically.

“So you lied about Torchwood?” Sol asked accusingly.

“I wouldn’t say ‘lied’,” Sam objected, “it’s a real organization, and I do work for it - and there is a weird energy in this place related to a rift in space and time that we detected a long time ago, but I’m not really here for that. I’m here for your friendo in the attic here.”

They pointed upwards towards the hatch on the ceiling, which led up to the museum’s attic.

“But why?” Sol asked, now more curious and perplexed than angry.

“Just to ensure that a supernatural war between dimensions isn’t about to start,” Sam explained, “which I’m sure it’s not, but Harmonia was pretty insistent.”

“Hårmðñïå…” Pat echoed, and Sol wasn’t sure what emotion was in his voice.

Sam looked up.

“You recognize her name, buddy?”

“ñêvêr ¢åll mê ‘ßµÐÐ¥’ êvêr ågåïñ, mðr†ål,” Pat snarled, the sound similar to that of a wasp’s next you just hit with a baseball bat, “†hê ñåmê Ððê§ñ’† rïñg å ßêll.”

“She told me she would have been a baby at the time you were imprisoned.” Sam supplied helpfully.

“§hê’§ å ¢hïlÐ, †hêñ. M¥ êx阮êñ¢ê ï§ ñðñê ð£ hêr ¢ðñ¢êrñ.”

“If a few thousand years old is ‘a child’ to you guys, fine. Whatever. It might be her concern, though, if your plan is to kill her and all that’s left of the Ancient Ones.”

“̆’§ ñð†. Ì håvê ñð ïñ†êr꧆ ïñ †hê Äñ¢ïêñ† Öñê§ åñÐ †hêïr þ þår†¥.”

Sam looked mildly offended at this, from what Sol could see based on their eyes alone, but fortunately held their tongue against whatever insults they may have thought of spitting at Pat.

“Who are the Ancient Ones?” Sol asked, breaking the tense silence, “you never told me anything about them.”

“Wh¥ wðµlÐ Ì?” Pat responded.

“They’re unearthly beings, like you are,” Sam pointed out, almost sounding as if they wanted him to agree, “you were both here long before us humans even evolved, and we’ll never truly understand where you came from.”

“¥ê§. ÄñÐ ï£ wê §†å¥ ïñ ¢lð§ê êñðµgh þrðxïm £ðr †ðð lðñg, wê ßð†h Ðïê,” Pat added, “ï£ wê Ððñ’† †r¥ †ð kïll êå¢h ð†hêr £ïr§†. ̆’§ jµ§† †hê ñ况rê ð£ ðµr ßêïñg§. Wê wêrêñ’† måÐê †ð lïvê ðñ †hê §åmê þlåñê ð£ êx阮êñ¢ê.”

For a moment, the sound of agonized, almost heartbroken screaming mixed with his voice, and Sol suddenly sensed a deep feeling of gutwrenching betrayal and sadness from him, so strong and unfathomable it almost brought her to tears in that instant.

She almost asked him about it, but decided against it.

Pat might be her sort-of friend, but he was still an extradimensional monster, which wasn’t the kind of thing a mortal human should try to anger.

However, Sam seemed to have sensed it too, based on the way they tilted their head to the side, still looking up at the ceiling. Thankfully, the didn’t say anything about it either.

“Well,” they murmured, raising their hand to their face again as the mask disintegrated back into gold dust and reappeared as the simple metal bracelet again, “I guess my work here is done then. I’ll tell Harmonia she has nothing to worry about. Thanks for giving me your time, both of you.”

They smiled at Sol as they said it, and she found herself smiling back with a curt nod.

“ßê£ðrê ¥ðµ lêåvê…”

Sam stopped in their tracks as Pat’s voice wove back through the walls.

“Yes?” They asked quietly, seeming to sense the emotion still hanging in the air, which Sol undeniably felt too - and on a level they’d never experienced from Pat before.

“Ì£ § ñð† †ðð mµ¢h †ð å§k…” Pat mused, clearly trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably, “¢åñ ¥ðµ å§k ¥ðµr Hårmðñïå ï£ §hê kñðw§ §ðmêðñê ñåmêÐ ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️?”

The last word, as Sol would have expected, didn’t make sense at all to human ears - it sounded more like odd, slightly angelic screeching, but strangely enough, Sol still felt like they could faintly hear a name in there. Perhaps… ‘Sylph’?

Sam simply nodded.

“Of course,” they said, with a great amount of respect, “I can come back and tell you tomorrow, if you’d like?”

“ñð ñêêÐ,” Pat responded, “Ì’ll kñðw ߥ †hê wå¥ †hê µñïvêr§ê rê§þðñЧ †ð †hê Äñ¢ïêñ† Öñê§ hêårïñg hêr ñåmê.”

Sam simply nodded, and continued on towards the ramp.

Sol stayed where she was, knowing Sam could find their way out by themself, and not quite ready to leave Pat yet.

They thought about asking him who he was talking about, but once again, decided not to.

He was clearly nursing a centuries-old wound that wouldn’t be easy for her to comprehend, and even if it was, it would be better to not test the waters of the subject.

Pat would tell them what was bugging him in time, and even if he didn’t, she didn’t need to know. Whatever connection he had to the Ancient Ones was long over, if it had ever been anything to begin with, and he didn’t want to acknowledge it based on his reaction to Sam.

With a deep breath, Sol headed back towards the spiraling ramp, and descended back to the first floor.

By the time they reached the front desk, it was like Sam hadn’t been there at all.

~FIN~

[And just for the purpose of sharing- @inkbedou @insane4fandoms, y’all might like this if you’ve enjoyed previous fics from our mutual buddy 😊]

[satansluckycigarette]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Justice Society of America (Comics) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ted Grant/Alan Scott Characters: Ted Grant, Alan Scott (DCU) Summary:

Alan awakes to find himself in a strange wood.

[skyrigel]

Brother's best friend! Simon who's always so smitten and sweet to you. Bringing along sweets and snacks whenever he comes over.

Brother's best friend! Simon who casually tucks your hair back, asking you bout' your day and listening and doting on every word.

Brother's best friend! Simon who takes you for a ride on his motorcycle, buying you ribbons and scarfs.

Brother's best friend! Simon who would fight with your brother if has to, to make your wishes come true.

Brother's best friend! Simon who agrees with you when you say, you can date whoever you want until it's Joe from class B, and he's beaten to pulp the very next day.

Brother's best friend! Simon whom you share your first smoke with, coughing and laughing as he bumps your nose.

Brother's best friend! Simon who expects a kiss on cheek too, after you say bye to your brother and absolutely goes pink when you place a chaste wet kiss on his face.

Brother's best friend! Simon who takes you on prom along so you don't feel left out, kissing you sweetly so you know how it feels.

Brother's best friend! Simon who gives you a summer job in his garage, watching you grow into a bigger person.

Brother's best friend! Simon who likes watching you in your summer dress hopping around and helping him like a good girl when he asks for some tool.

Brother's best friend! Simon who spreads your leg on his desk, lowering his mouth while your eyes connect with his, melting into a puddle when his tongue swipes along your clit, humming with your sweet juices.

Brother's best friend! Simon who has your legs in his lap as your brother and his fiance go on about their first meet while your friends are laughing.

Brother's best friend! Simon who goes crimson when you catch the flower bouquet your sister in law tossed, kissing your forehead so proudly.

Brother's best friend! Simon buying you a car when you graduate, watching you proudly when you drive up to your new shared home, going absolutely crazy when the wall is decorated with a huge poster, WILL YOU MARRY ME MRS.RILEY !

Brother's best friend! Simon hugging you as you melt in his big arms, “That's not a question baby !” you half laughed and half sobbed, “I am gonna fire you if you say no.” he kissed your forehead delicately.

Brother's best friend! Simon who marries you with the twilight in his eyes, the same when you were sixteen, kissing you sweetly as fireworks go ablaze in your head.

Grim Reaper!Simon

Masterlist

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[pearlessance]

Our Little Secret

Summary - Joel Miller deals with disgusting, intrusive thoughts about the girl next door who smells like vanilla and uses cherry chapstick.

Pairing - dbf!Joel Miller/Reader

Warnings - explicit sexual content MDNI, kinda perv!Joel, age gap, no cordyceps outbreak AU, reader's in high school but is eighteen, dom/sub undertones, seduction, underage drinking, body worship, unprotected sex, reader is called 'jailbait’ by Tommy, oral sex, breeding kink if you squint, praise & degradation

WC: 11k

[crossposted to AO3]

Joel Miller told himself he wasn’t a pervert. He just wasn’t. Double glancing at a pretty, young girl didn’t make him one of those guys — it just made him a man, right?

Never mind the fact that your father was one of his closest friends or the fact that you lived just next door, embodying half of the very typical scandalous, small-town affair. Never mind your eighteen year age difference. Never mind those obscene images that sometimes invaded his brain. Joel had heard the term once. He thinks Sarah might have told him about it from that science documentary she watched—those sordid images were called intrusive thoughts, right? Involuntary, unavoidable, unwanted.

It wasn’t only him who stared in your direction a little longer than necessary, anyway. The very first time he’d seen you, Joel and Tommy had been in the driveway doing an oil change on the truck. You and your dad had just moved in, Joel had introduced himself the day prior and helped haul a bed frame through the front room. Your dad had mentioned he had a daughter, but Joel had expected to see a girl closer to Sarah’s age. 

He hadn’t expected to see you, wearing those tight blue jeans and that tiny tank top that left very little to the imagination. The straps were thin and the fabric billowy, and when you shifted the box beneath your arm from one hand to the other, the pretty pink fabric of your bra was out in the open for all eyes to see. Your hair had been pulled into a ponytail at the crown of your head, swishing back and forth with each step. It made Joel wonder about how soft the long strands were, how they would feel between his fingers, how they would look splayed out atop a pillowcase — intrusive thoughts.

Tommy was quick to abandon his tools and cross the front yard to greet your father, offering you what seemed like an innocent helping hand. Joel thinks his younger brother has no self control, but he leaves the truck too. Only to introduce himself, though. Definitely not to get a closer look. 

Your voice is sweet, he thinks. It slides through him like a hot knife through butter. And when you laugh at Tommy’s awkward attempt at conversation, that sound stabs him in the chest because it’s so girlish. So young and youthful and airy. That pink lace is still poking out of the side of your shirt, even though Tommy now carries the box, and Joel strains himself trying to keep his eyes above your chin. 

“And you must be Mr. Miller,” you say, sticking your tiny hand out to him.

He knows it’s a bad idea, but he doesn’t want to be rude, so he takes your hand in his and shakes it gently. Your skin is soft, nails painted red and manicured and he wonders what other parts of you are this soft, wonders if red has always been his favorite color, wonders what it would look like wrapped around — “Just Joel,” he tells you, clearing those damn intrusive thoughts as quickly as they appear. 

“Joel,” you repeat, tasting his name on your pink tongue and giving him a sweet smile. “There's two more boxes. Wanna help me grab them?”

He’s careful not to answer too fast, afraid of sounding too eager. But he agrees, and you lead him to the open truck bed, and as you bend over to grab the smaller box his hands flex at his sides. He thinks you must be doing this on purpose. Right? Torturing him, sticking your ass out, silently begging him to look. But he doesn't. Instead, Joel picks up the larger box and notices the scent of vanilla radiating off your skin. This is almost worse because his mouth begins to water. 

“My dad said you have a daughter,” you say. 

“Yeah. Sarah. She’s younger than you, though.”

“That’s okay. Does she like cake? I have to bake one for my home ec final and could use a taste tester if she’s not busy.”

It really puts things into perspective, and he’s glad for it. Finals. School. High school. “I’ll ask her,” Joel says. 

You lead everyone inside and direct all three men to take the boxes to the living room where you begin unpacking. You sit on the floor as you sift through the boxes, legs tucked underneath you, and Joel has to force a smile when you look up at him through your lashes. You say thank you, Joel from your knees and he feels something very, very wrong stir inside him. 

Tommy follows him back outside, and on the way back to their truck his voice is high pitched in mockery as he says, “Thank you, Joel! You’re so handsome , Joel! Let me repay you with my body, Joel!”

He just laughs it off, but as he continues with the oil change beneath the hood an uncomfortable silence settles between him. 

Eventually, Tommy shakes his head and snorts. “That girl is nothing but fucking jailbait, man.”

He sees you quite a few times after that, because your dad works in construction, too. Joel drinks the same kind of beer, and your dad has a pool table in your garage…so, naturally, they become the best of friends and very quickly at that. Tommy joins the party too, and within months they become an inseparable trio.

It’s during one of these nights when the three of them were standing in the garage with the door wide open, music playing from the speakers in your dad’s truck when those intrusive thoughts plague him again. Tommy’s losing at pool, drunk before the sun’s fully set, and your dad is laughing at something he’s saying.

You’re walking home from practice and stop suddenly at the end of the driveway. Joel can see you, but he doesn’t think Tommy or your dad can. The truck is in the way, but he’s in the perfect position. He stares a little too long, but he can’t help it. You’re wearing your cheer uniform, and your midriff is exposed, and your long legs are so fucking appetizing that his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. Your skirt is rolled up at the waist, making the fabric shorter than it’s supposed to be, making it sluttier than it’s supposed to be.

When you notice him staring, you shoot him a sinful little smile and raise your finger to your lips. A secret, Joel realizes. You want him to keep something a secret, and somehow it feels intimate, having something between the two of you. He watches you unroll the hem of your skirt and pull at the ends so it covers more of your legs. You turn in a semicircle, and he licks his lips, and when you look at him again you raise your hands in question. 

He gives you a discreet thumbs up, and when you make your way up the driveway you give him the prettiest smile and say, “Hey, Joel! Nice to see you!”

Tommy gives him shit for it later, but he’s too distracted at the sight of you in that uniform to even remember Joel exists. 

“You’re late,” your dad chastises. “Practice was over at five today. It’s almost six.”

“Took the scenic route,” you reply easily, and Joel can hear the playful tone in your voice that lets everyone in the room know of your insincerity. 

You walk past them, backpack slung over one arm, but before you disappear inside you wink at him over your shoulder. 

“Get ready, Joel,” your dad tells him with an exasperated sigh. “Teenage girls are hell.”

And Joel is inclined to agree. Even more so when he’s laying in bed that night, wondering about all the things you could’ve been getting up to in that hour it took you to get home. The school was a short, ten minute walk from your house. And even if you truly did take the scenic route home, it wouldn’t have taken you an entire hour to arrive. 

So, what were you getting up to? Joel didn’t think you had a boyfriend. At least, not one you ever brought home. But not having a boyfriend didn’t mean anything. Not in this day and age. And Joel knew the mind of a teenage boy. He had been one, once upon a time, and knew without a doubt the lengths a boy your age would go to spend an hour alone with you. He thought about all of the things he was doing at eighteen, and his brain ran wild with those ideas.

After hours of laying there, unable to find sleep, Joel Miller took out his phone and opened a private search tab. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and he’d tried not to — truly, he had spent every minute since he’d closed his bedroom door trying to get the images out of his head. But it was like an itch he needed to scratch, becoming more and more irritating the longer he put it off. So, he typed cheerleader into the black and orange search bar and promised himself it was the one and only time he’d ever do this. 

He just needed to get it out of his system. That was all.

(If he was honest, Joel knew as soon as the thought crossed his mind that it wasn’t true. Even when he scrolled through the videos to find a girl who looked strikingly similar to you. Even when he turned his volume all the way down, and reached into his sweatpants with his free hand. Even when he squeezed his eyes shut and thought of that rolled up skirt and that pretty pink lace, pornographic images long forgotten in favor of the ones you’d supplied. Even when a few quick tugs was all it took to shoot thick ropes of cum across his belly. Even when he cleared his search history, cleaned himself up, and rolled over to sleep…even then, he knew it would not be enough to get you out of his head.)

The next day, Joel saw you leaving for school and couldn’t bear to look in your eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done and feeling shameful, feeling like the very sordid man he knew himself not to be. He wasn’t a pervert, but he’d certainly felt like one that day.

You waved your hand and beamed like you did every morning. But Joel didn’t wave back. Oblivious to his atrocities, you played your hand at concern. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t… seem fine. Is there anything I can do to help?”

God—your voice, full of kindness and sweet summery grace, was better than the audio in any porno he’d ever seen. “I said I’m fine.”

Thankfully, you took the hint and scurried off, not dissimilar to a wounded animal. Guilt immediately choked him. But, pushing you away is what he’s supposed to do. So he doesn’t change his mind. 

At least, not at first.

He spends the entire summer going out of his way to avoid you. He offered to host guys nights at his house on the weekends instead of your dad's garage. He left for work five minutes earlier than normal to avoid having to hear you say good morning, Joel! and wave at him with those pretty red nails and smile at him with your pretty white teeth.

But once summer starts, you and Sarah begin spending way too much time together. And at first, it makes him nervous. You make him nervous. He doesn’t want to make small talk. He doesn't want to see you in your uniform. He doesn’t want to look at you at all, actually.

It works out in his favor though, Joel thinks, because you and Sarah have the same taste in movies, and she thinks you're the coolest thing that’s ever existed, and so whenever Joel and Tommy are in your garage, you’re at Joel’s house with Sarah. So he doesn’t have to be on edge, wondering if he’d turn the corner and you’d be standing there smelling like vanilla and wearing pink lace. 

But then you’re hosting a high school graduation party a few short months after you move in. And your dad invites Joel and Tommy to the party in your backyard. In fact, he practically begs them to come and keep him company. And Joel can’t say no, because what excuse would he have? Sarah would never let him skip it, anyway. And so his avoidance comes to an end, and he finds himself standing in your backyard with a glass bottle in his hands, watching people congratulate you and your accomplishments all day long. Straight A’s in all those AP classes you took, your dad tells him proudly, clicking his tongs together over the grill. Joel knows you’re a smart girl, he doesn’t need to know your grades to see that you have your head on straight, but he also knows you’re a far cry from the timid little girl your father believes you to be. Joel can see it in you. 

Still, you’re far smarter than he is, because while Tommy drones on and on about a project he’s got going on at home, all Joel can notice is the pretty sundress you’re wearing. It’s pink, like the lace that sometimes still haunts him. It clings to you at the top, molding sinfully against your chest, and flows out at the bottom, cutting off at your midthigh.

It’s too short, Joel thinks. Way too short to be wearing around so many male classmates. Around your dad’s friends. Tommy likes younger girls, you know. And Joel…Joel’s turning away from you and swallowing what’s left of his beer. He clinks the empty glass against Tommy’s and asks, “You need another?”

Your dad is the one who answers. “How about a shot of whiskey? The cabinet above the sink.”

Joel thinks it's a fantastic idea. He gets stopped by Mr. Adler on the way inside, who asks what the celebration is. He talks for far longer than he’d like, and by the time he gets to the kitchen, Joel really needs something stronger than beer. 

Except, when he steps into the room, he freezes the moment he sees you standing there. Your head whips in his direction, eyes wide as if you’ve been caught. It’s only as he tears his attention away from you and notices the two red solo cups on the counter and the bottle of tequila in your hands, perched over them, that he realizes what he’d just walked in on. 

Your cheeks are pink, the same hue as your dress, and you quickly try to explain it away. “Joel! Hey! This isn’t…I’m not like—you know, it’s just a celebration and…I’ll be nineteen soon and—I mean, it’s just a little .”

He raises his eyebrows, unsure of how to navigate this terrain. On the one hand, he feels the need to discipline you somehow. To turn this into a lesson of sorts, to let you know how the age of legal alcohol consumption is twenty one for a reason, that being drunk in a social setting like this is dangerous, especially for a girl like you.

But on the other hand, Joel knows he’s not responsible for you. He’s not your father, and he’s not going to be the one to give you the speech about underage drinking. He’d been far younger than eighteen-almost-nineteen the first time he’d gotten drunk. And you were right…this was a celebration. 

The war in his brain seemed to dim what little common sense he had because Joel found himself standing behind you with almost no room to spare. The sweet scent of vanilla filled the space. You’d curled your hair, and the ends tickled the inside of his arm. Soft. So, so soft he could die. He puts his big hand on your bare shoulder, and reaches above you into the cabinet, finding the half empty bottle of whiskey. His fingers twitch with the urge to squeeze your supple flesh. Christ. It’s just a fucking shoulder, Joel, he tells himself. “It’s your party,” he says. “I won’t tell.”

It feels wrong just to say it to you. I won’t tell. Perverted thing to say, Joel thinks. You spin around to face him, and suddenly your breasts are brushing his chest, and Joel can’t breathe. “Thank you,” you whisper, taking your bottom lip between your teeth and sending him into his fucking grave. 

It’s then, as he stares down at you and you stare up at him all sweet and innocent-like, that Joel finally admits to himself that avoidance has done absolutely fucking nothing to put out the fire you started. He clears his throat. “Yeah, yeah—it’s, uhm…it’s no problem. Have fun.”

He turns to leave, but then your arms are around his neck and he can’t smell anything but vanilla and he can feel your tits pressing into him, can feel you everywhere. But Joel isn’t a mean man, so what can he do but hug you back? If someone walked in, they’d think it was a fatherly embrace. Proud. Protective, even. 

But they wouldn’t know that all Joel could think about is the way your skin felt under his calloused hands. Or the way your soft hair tickled his cheek as he laid it against the top of your head. Or the way your hips were nestled right between his thighs—and you were so warm and—

Intrusive thoughts.

“You’re the best, Joel,” you say, eyes bright and cheery. He’s relieved when you pull away, but also a little bit empty. He watches you pour a shot into each red solo cup. “You know, I’ve never tried whiskey. It seems so, like… manly .” You giggle, and it’s music to his ears but Joel begins to wonder if maybe this isn’t your first time stealing from the tequila bottle tonight. 

“It’s definitely not the best tasting thing in the world,” he says. “Gets the job done, though.”

To put the tequila away, you have to stand on the tips of your toes. It elongates your entire body as you stretch upwards, and he can’t bring himself to stop staring at the curve of your hips. “You have to be drunk to hang out with me or something?”

The question surprises him. Yes, he thinks. Yes, he does need to be inebriated to hang out with you because otherwise his sober mind never lets him forget the way you look all dolled up. But he doesn’t say that. Instead, Joel laughs quietly and says, “I’m here for your old man. You think he wants to be the lone adult in this sea of kids?”

He says it as a joke and is thankful you find humor in it. “I’m not a kid, Joel,” you remind him. “I’m a woman now. Is my company really so bad?” You tilt your head, pushing your bottom lip into the tiniest little pout. 

Joel needs to stop staring at your mouth. He knows it, because the urge rises in him to bite that lip, to surge forward and taste your tongue for remnants of tequila. The idea alone sends a bolt of white-hot desire straight to his dick. “No, no…s’not like that,” he says. He’s too focused on your face and the gleam in your pretty eyes to notice you’ve unscrewed the top of the whiskey bottle. 

You pour a shot into an empty solo cup and hold it up between the two of you. “I’m scared,” you admit sheepishly. “Is it gross?”

The wrinkle in your nose is the cutest thing he’s ever seen, and the sight forces his lips into a small smile. “I don’t think so,” he says. “But you might.”

“Because I’m a kid ?” You scoff, but shake your head and smile at him all the same. “Women mature faster than men, you know. Which means when I make my decisions, I know what I’m signing myself up for.” 

“Oh, is that so?” He remembers being this cocky as a teenager. He thinks maybe you’ve been spending too much time around Tommy and his defiant attitude is rubbing off on you. Joel offers a challenge—if you’re just so mature. “Drink up, then.”

He watches every microscopic movement as you lick your lips and lift the cup to your mouth. It’s a beautiful sight, watching you tilt your head back and swallow the tiniest bit. And when you pass the remaining liquid to him, your expression is fashioned from steel. Nonchalant, blank. 

But he sees it, sees the way your hands twitch at your sides, sees the way your jaw feathers as you clench your teeth. He can’t help but chuckle at your persistence. Joel turns the cup in his hands and puts his mouth right where you did. 

It’s almost like kissing, he thinks. Having his mouth where yours was seconds ago feels good. Better than he thought it would. And he can taste cherry-flavored chapstick before he can taste the whiskey, and he wonders when the last time was when he’d had a shot because it goes straight to his head and makes him feel drunk. Or maybe it’s just the wide smile that stretches across your face. 

“That’s awful,” you confess. “I’ll stick to tequila, I think.”

“Tequila’s worse,” he says with a shake of his head. Tequila makes Joel feel your age, makes him forget the word consequences, makes him buzz with energy. 

“No way,” you say. “The taste isn’t nearly as strong.”

While that may be true, it wasn’t about the taste at all and he doesn’t really know how to explain it. “Tequila encourages people to make bad decisions.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “Bad decisions,” you echo contemplatively. “Sounds like a great time.” You take both of your tequila filled cups in hand and press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks for always keeping my secrets,” you whisper. 

Joel has to stand in the kitchen an extra few minutes after you leave because he still feels the ghost of your lips on his skin and doesn’t know how to act. Eventually, though, he finds the courage to face his brother and your father. He stays for the remainder of the party and helps your dad clean up the yard after everyone filters out. 

It’s a relief when he’s finally in his own bed that night. He tries to resist thinking of you. Truly, he does — but it’s no use, and he’s alone in his bed, and this time he doesn’t even reach for his phone when he touches himself. 

And it’s good. So good that he tries to draw it out. He tries his damndest to make it last. But his efforts become futile in just minutes, because he can feel your soft lips, can taste cherry chapstick, and he’s right there—right fucking there—when his bedroom door creaks open. 

“Joel?”

For a second, he’s convinced himself he’s gone crazy. He’s well and truly lost it now, and his fantasies have grown into hallucinations at this point. You’ve driven him batshit insane. But his eyes focus in the dark, and he realizes his mind isn’t playing tricks on him at all. “What are you doing here?”

You take it as an invitation, and he desperately wishes you wouldn’t. He can still feel the buzz from the beer and whiskey, and his cock is hard beneath the sheets, and his brain is filled with images of you, and you’re in nothing but spandex shorts and a loose tank top, and when you sit on the side of his bed you lay your hand on his knee for balance and Joel’s hands shake. 

“How did you even get in?”

“I used the key under the mat,” you confess. “I need your help.” Your voice is so mousy and soft, and it pulls him back to his senses. 

“What’s wrong?”

“You were right,” you tell him. “I made a bad tequila decision and now I’m sad.” 

Joel doesn’t know what to say. You couldn’t possibly still be tipsy, he thinks. It’s been hours since he saw you in the kitchen, but he supposes you very well could’ve gone back after everyone left. Either way, you’d come to him to fix it, and even knowing the right thing would be to call your dad, he was still high on the second secret you two shared. So, Joel sighs and puts his hand on yours. “What did you do?”

“I snuck a boy into my room,” you say.

Joel’s jaw clenches. Anger rises in his chest, crawls up his throat, and chokes him. A million things cross his mind—first, what the hell did he do to you? Did he hurt you? Joel would find the boy and break his fucking jaw. Did he touch you? Maybe he’d break the boy's hands instead. Or, worse, did he touch you when you didn’t want him to? The thought alone has his heart beating so fast he thinks he might die. Slowly, quietly, he asks, “What happened?”

“Nothing,” you sigh. And it isn’t one of those teenage girl nothings, it’s sincere. You climb over him to the other side of the mattress, and Joel thinks he should stop you but the sight of you in his bed is so fucking pretty that he can’t bring himself to. “That’s the problem. I wanted him to fuck me.”

The words give him pause. Everything freezes. 

“But he didn’t want to,” you say. “Even though we were flirting all day.” You turn on your side, hands beneath your head. “I don’t get it. Is it because I’m not pretty?”

He can’t stop the snort that leaves him at that. Joel can’t believe you’d wonder about it for even a second.

“Do you think I’m pretty, Joel?”

If there’s anything in the world he hates, it’s this. He wonders a little if maybe you’re antagonizing him. It’s a yes or no question, isn’t it? So why does saying yes feel so… heavy? Weighted? He decides it best to keep the conversation directed away from his personal opinion on the matter. “Of course you’re pretty, baby.”

Baby? God. Maybe he has lost his fucking mind.

But it seems to bring you so much joy he doesn’t have it in him to regret it. You wrap your small hands around his bicep, and he can feel the heat in your touch, and it’s like he’s burning from the inside out. And when you turn a little more and bring your leg across his hips, Joel can’t breathe. 

He wonders if you can tell how hard he is, wonders how he’s supposed to push you away when you just keep withering away his resolve. If he hasn’t lost his mind yet, he’s about to. “Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?”

The words hit him like a freight train. But after a second, he realizes that you actually mean sleep —and he knows it’s a bad idea still because he’s having those intrusive thoughts once more. But he can’t say no. So instead he says, “I don’t think your dad would be comfortable with that.”

“I’ll tell him I had a sleepover with Sarah,” you quickly supplied. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He doesn’t either. But Joel knows he should be. And if not alone, certainly not with you. And yet, he says nothing. Not yes or no, just nothing. 

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I think about you all the time,” you say. “I thought you were mad at me for a while. That made me sad, too.”

It made his chest ache to think he had caused you any harm. But it was for the best, wasn’t it? You probably just saw him as someone to seek comfort in, and he saw you as something entirely different. He was no good. Definitely not for you. 

A few minutes pass, and he thinks you’ve fallen asleep, but then you kiss his cheek again in the same spot as this afternoon and say, “Thank you, Joel.” And he feels so wrong. He feels awful, and selfish, and greedy, and desperate, and perverted.

He thinks that’s the end of it. But then you kiss his jaw, and this time it’s an open mouthed kiss that leaves wetness on his skin. Joel shivers. 

You kiss his neck, and his cock throbs inches from your thigh. He should stop this. He knows that. Joel isn’t a stupid man—he’s just a bad man. He doesn’t stop you when you climb into his lap. He doesn’t stop you when your tongue darts out between your lips as you kiss his collarbone. He doesn’t stop you when your kisses grow heated and heavy.

And when you kiss his lips, he doesn’t stop himself from kissing you back. He doesn’t stop himself from threading his fingers through your silky hair to pull you in deeper. He doesn’t stop himself from biting that bottom lip and sucking off the cherry flavor. He doesn’t stop himself from slipping his tongue into your mouth, or from lifting his hips just a little bit, pushing himself against you. The friction pulls a low groan from somewhere in the back of his throat, and Joel knows he won't be able to ever stop himself now. 

You take the small movement as your cue to unleash yourself and roll your hips against his even harder. He can feel the wet heat radiating from you even through the spandex shorts, can feel his benevolence fading into the ether. You let out a breathless moan when you roll your hips again, and again, and again. And he curses, muscles tight, and feels a confession on the tip of his tongue. Joel wants you to say it, just once — wants to hear his name in your mouth shrouded in lust. He’s imagined it so many times, but he wants to hear it. 

But then you pull away abruptly. “Joel?”

You sound mousy again, and he feels suddenly ice cold. “Yeah?”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

He holds your hair away from your face for the remainder of the night as you vomit up the rest of the tequila in your stomach. You apologize over and over again and greedily drink up the water he brings you. 

Normally, Joel would hate this. But it’s you, and something feels good about taking care of you. About making sure you’re safe, making sure you feel pretty even with sweat coating your pallid skin.

You fall asleep sometime in the middle of the night, and Joel carries you to his bed. He doesn’t climb in next to you. He can’t because he already feels bad enough for allowing a drunk eighteen year old girl into his bed. It’s his turn to feel nauseous. Shame smothers him, and guilt, and mortification…Joel knows he should feel regret, too. But he doesn’t. 

Sometime before sunrise, he nods off with his head resting against the bedside table. He doesn’t hear you leave, but when he wakes an hour later you’ve vacated the room. 

He wonders if you remember how you ended up in his bed, if you remember how eager he was to taste your mouth, if you remember anything at all. He hopes not, because that would mean a conversation he was not equipped to handle. 

When he trudges down to the kitchen, Joel stops upon the sight before him. Sarah sits at the kitchen table beside Tommy, who’s sitting across from your dad. And then there’s you—standing in the kitchen with a spatula in your hand and two still-wet braids in your hair.

It isn’t the fact that you’re in his kitchen, making pancakes for everyone, padding barefoot on the tile that makes him anxious. No one in the room can read his thoughts. They wouldn’t know how much it pleases him to see it. They wouldn’t know how he thinks he could get used to this, but knows he can’t.

No…no, it’s the fact that you’re wearing his flannel that makes him anxious. Your father wears flannels on occasion…but this one is so plainly Joel’s that he wonders why your dad is sitting there laughing at something Sarah said instead of killing Joel with his bare hands. He swallows thickly and pours himself a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning,” you say cheerily, as if last night hadn’t happened. He thinks you’ve forgotten, or maybe just decided not to ever mention it again.

It was only a lapse in judgment, after all, wasn’t it? Just a split second where you and Joel both lost all sense. It didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t. “Morning,” he responds. 

You ask him to help carry one of the heaping plates of fluffy pancakes to the table. When he reaches for the taller one, your hand brushes against his and Joel nearly jumps out of his skin at the contact. But then you’re holding your pinky out to him expectantly, and whisper, “Our little secret.” 

The vanilla scent is gone, Joel notices. You smell like irish spring instead. Realization dawns on him that you must have showered while he was asleep— and used his body wash. There’s something about that little tidbit of information that sits with him. He likes it, he thinks. He likes smelling himself all over you, likes that something possessed you to use his things without asking. Something inside of him shifts, something… intense. 

He knows he shouldn’t, but Joel winds his pinky finger around yours anyway. It feels so good to have yet another thing between the two of you. Something of yours that belongs only to him. It makes him feel giddy as if he wasn’t running on a single sip of coffee and an hour of sleep.

The remainder of the summer goes on without incident. You don’t end up in Joel’s bed again, though you never once leave his intrusive thoughts. He sees you sometimes, tanning in the backyard. He has a perfect view from his bedroom window, and he wonders if maybe you wear those tiny bikini tops for his benefit. But he never asks, even during the few moments you have alone, and is content to pine after you but not touch for the rest of his painfully sorry life. 

He works. You taunt him. He plays pool in your garage. You come home late in too little clothes and smelling of vanilla scented tequila. Joel says nothing, though. He listens and agrees with your dad that since graduating you’ve become a little wild . A little… defiant. They dance around the word bad, but Joel knows the truth. Knows that more than anything, you need a little bit of discipline. 

You’re not his to correct, though. So he doesn’t. He certainly enjoys watching you, however. He watches you sneak out through your window one night when he’s sitting on the porch. You press your finger to your lips, creating another secret between the two of you. He walks into the kitchen one night to find you filling a vodka bottle with water. Joel says nothing—but after grabbing another beer he’s got a smile on his lips he can’t seem to shake. 

He’s mowing the grass in the backyard one sunny afternoon, and he catches a glimpse of something he shouldn’t. Joel holds a lot of your secrets close these days, but this one is…different. 

Through your bedroom window, he can see you changing. The curtain is wide open, and you’re wearing nothing but that same pink bra he first saw you in, matching panties, and those knee high socks you used to wear with your cheer uniform. He’s not sure if you’re getting out of your clothes or into ones more comfortable, but he knows he can’t look away. His mouth is dry, and all the blood in his head rushes south. He thinks you’re beautiful. He wants to touch you so badly it’s overwhelming. The supple curves of your hips, the soft tendrils of your hair down your back, the swell of your breasts— God, you’re the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. 

And then you pick something up from the floor, and Joel realizes a second later that you’re putting on his flannel. The one you stole at the beginning of the summer. Do you wear it often? Do you always wear it alone, half naked in your bedroom? His lips part and his breath catches in his throat. He’s not there. He’s just standing in his backyard, ruining this patch of grass…but a part of him is. Something of his is there, with you, touching you, and somehow it sets him on fire. 

Especially when he watches you climb into bed. He won’t watch you sleep, he decides. He might have intrusive thoughts and secrets and uncontrollable fantasies, but he’s not a creep. 

Except you don’t go to sleep, so Joel continues to watch. He watches you run red painted fingers over your bare skin, between your breasts, over your belly, and back up. You do it again, slower this time, and Joel’s cock strains in his jeans. He watches you slip your hand beneath the band of your panties. He can’t see any details from this far away, but his breathing synchronizes with the speed of your fingers.

Suddenly, he remembers you’re still in his flannel. Realizes that you put it on to touch yourself. Pressure builds in his cock, and he finally admits that yeah— maybe he’s a little bit of a perv. But only for you—there’s something about you that drives him fucking insane. 

He stands there and watches you touch yourself until you finish. He revels in the small arch of your back, in the tremble of your legs, in the way your chest heaves with each ragged breath on the come down. He wants to clean you up with his fucking tongue. 

Joel doesn’t finish mowing the lawn that night.

When you go off to college, he can’t deny what a massive relief it is. You move across Texas to some campus far away, and the distance makes him feel like he can breathe easily again. He stops having so many disgusting, intrusive thoughts. He stops feeling guilty every time he plays pool with your dad because those secrets he kept for you were ones that don’t truly matter. Not when you’re nowhere to be found, anyway. 

As the year stretches on, Joel realizes that he’d been wrong all along. He wasn’t a pervert. You are a seductress. Even Tommy jokes about the obvious schoolgirl crush you had and admits one night when it’s just the two brothers that if you had thrown yourself at him, he wouldn’t have been able to resist you so easily as Joel had.

It’s not him that’s in the wrong. It’s you. You and your soft hair. You and your pretty smile. You and your red nails. You and your pink lace. You and your soft voice. You, you, you. 

For several years, those intrusive thoughts haven't plagued him. Not until your junior year of college, when some problem with campus housing surfaces and you’re forced to stay at home for a few days. Your dad is excited about it and forces the four of you to go out to dinner together to catch up. 

He sees you for the first time in so long, and you look so different but somehow even prettier. You’re wearing a short white dress, and Sarah tells you you look like an angel, and Joel silently agrees. You have a tattoo on the inside of your wrist. It’s the tiniest little image of two hands with their pinkies wrapped around one another, and he thinks it’s so fitting for a girl with so many secrets. 

Every time you look at him during dinner, Joel shifts in his seat. He isn’t very hungry. Not for food, anyway. He’s a little floored when you proudly present your shiny, brand new ID to the waitress and order a fruity pink drink called a Paloma. You explain that it has tequila in it, and share a subtle glance across the table, and Joel feels his insides warm as if he was the one drinking a cocktail instead. 

He drowns himself in work the entire week. He cannot— cannot afford to find himself back in his old ways. You’re a woman now. A fully grown woman, who no longer needs validation from older men. He knows you're not interested. He knows this time, this time, it really is Joel who’s the problem. Avoidance, surprisingly, works. 

Until you knock on the door one night with a DVD in your hand. “Is Sarah home? I found my old copy of Evil Dead. She said she missed having movie nights.”

Joel shakes his head. “No, uhm—she spent the night with a friend. Sorry.”

“Oh,” you deflate. “That’s okay, I get it. She’s older now. It’s…”

“Weird,” he finishes. 

You laugh softly, and the sound brings a smile to his face. “Yeah, really weird,” you agree. “I just hope she’s nothing like me.”

“Why’s that?” Your eyes darken, and Joel asks himself why he’s attempting to make conversation at all. It’s dangerous. He knows this. 

“You know,” you say purposefully. “All those secrets? There were definitely more.”

For a reason he can’t pinpoint, it makes him a little annoyed. He knew it the whole time—of course,  he knew there were more secrets than just the ones he was privy to. But a part of him wanted to know you better than anyone else. And maybe he did, for a second, but that second was long gone now. It was probably over moments after it began. “Yeah, well…that’s different.”

“How so? She’s only a little younger than I was when I met you.”

It’s an accusation. Joel can feel it. He can feel the anger seeping through your fake sweetness, too. But he doesn’t understand it. He didn’t do anything wrong. “You’re not my daughter. That’s what’s different.”

You roll your eyes, and his hands twitch with the urge to grab you by the jaw. “God, Joel—you’re such a pussy. Do you know that?”

Your words startle him. A crease forms between his brows, and he takes another step out of the doorway. “ Excuse me ?”

“Just say it! Say what you so desperately want to say. I can take it. Say it.”

The words come out slow and deadly, sounding far meaner than intended. “Say what?” 

“Tell me it’s different because I’m a slut. It’s okay, Joel. It’s just the two of us now. Go ahead. Admit it.”

His jaw ticks. 

“What, you think I’m dumb? You think I don’t hear you laugh at Tommy’s jokes when I walk out of a room? You think I didn’t know you guys called me jailbait for years?” You laugh cynically, arms crossed over your chest, and Joel thinks he’s never seen you so angry. So heated. 

So hot.

He grabs your elbow and yanks you close. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

Your face is inches from his, and he can smell vanilla and cherry and something happens. Something familiar and unique to you. Something disgusting. “And you know what the worst part of it all is?”

The worst part is that he’s twice your age. The worst part is that he’s known you since you were in high school. The worst part is that he’s friends with your father. The worst part is that you’re friends with his daughter. The worst part is that those perverted thoughts were never involuntary. They were never unavoidable. They were never unwanted. They were never intrusive. 

“You like it,” you say with a smirk. “You like that I dress up in short skirts for you, and you like it when I climb in your bed when someone else leaves me unsatisfied. I almost finished that day, did you know?”

“ Jesus—fuck —don’t—”

“You barely touched me but I was so close just sitting in your lap. You like that I put on your clothes and touch myself in front of my window, hoping you’ll see. You like that I’m a slut for you, Joel Miller. Admit it. It’s okay. It’ll be our little secret .”

He pulls you into the house and slams the front door closed. His blood boils beneath his skin. He should have slammed it in your face, he thinks. But you’re here now—trapped inside with him. Or maybe he’s trapped inside with you. 

The pleased smile on your face is his undoing. His breath comes fast, and he knows if he moves an inch there will never be any going back from this. So he doesn’t move. His limbs are frozen and his eyes are fixed on yours.

After a couple of tense filled seconds, your smile falters. Joel sees it. He hears the slight change in your voice too, as you confess, “I want you to touch me so badly.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck —Joel holds your face in his hands and slams his mouth to yours. You taste just the same; cherry sweet and delicious. It’s his favorite flavor, he thinks. Better than any forbidden fruit. Your tongue is so soft against his and impossibly more greedy. You invade his mouth, his soul, his heart. 

It happens so fast, and so easily. Your arms loop around his neck and Joel pulls you flush against him and grips the back of your thighs. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist, hips already rolling against him like some feral thing inside of you is desperately clawing to get out. His cock has never been this hard, Joel knows. And he knows—he knows that he could cum just like this. Touching you, tasting you, feeling your softness. It’s enough. 

Still, he wants more. He wants to see you fall apart. He wants to reach inside your chest and make you feel what he feels, make you feel tortured the way he’s been for years. 

Joel walks to the sofa and sits with his legs spread wide. You’re still kissing him with everything you have, and it’s a clash of tongues and lips and teeth that he loves so much it’s an effort to thread his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and pull you away, but he does it. You’re both panting, and you let out a whimper at the loss of contact. His cock is throbbing, straining behind his jeans. “Put your money where your mouth is, baby,” he says breathlessly. “You wanna act like a slut for me, be a slut for me.”

He fists your dress in his hands and pulls it up and over your head, tossing it to the floor. And then it’s just you, sitting in Joel’s lap, wearing nothing but pink, lace panties and a pair of strappy white heels. You’re so pretty, and he’s always known it—but seeing you up close has him weak. He can’t keep himself from touching you, from running his hands over your hips and living the fantasy he’s existed in for what feels like forever. 

Once he starts, Joel can’t stop. He runs his calloused palms over your belly, your ribs, allowing his thumbs to ghost across the underside of your breasts. He moves slowly, meticulously, enjoying every moment. And when you hook your thumbs in the band of your panties with the intention to remove them, he places his hands over yours. “Hell no,” he says. “You think you can tell me you almost finished in my lap that night and get away with it?” 

“But, I—”

“Nuh-uh. Prove it.”

Hesitantly, you tilt your hips against his. He wishes he was in only sweatpants the way he was that night because his jeans are keeping the feeling of your wetness away from him this time. But he can see it—the baby pink fabric is darker at the apex, and as you grind your hips against his Joel realizes you’re creating a mess on his clothes, too. 

He understands. He really, really does. He feels it, too. Joel understands how desperate and needy you are. And because he’s just so understanding, he grants you a little reprieve. He leans forward and takes your nipple into his mouth. He’s real sweet about it too, giving you the same tender treatment your mouth gave him that night in his room. He licks the hardened peak softly, swirling his tongue, and you let out the prettiest moan he’s ever heard. The pace of your hips picks up, rolling against the bulge in his jeans faster. 

“Oh, god,” you whimper. Your breath catches, and he can hear your heart beating rapidly behind your ribcage. He peppers kisses across your sternum and inhales deeply, sucking in a breath that’s nothing but you and holding it in his lungs. He kisses your other nipple and pinches the one wet with his spit between his thumb and forefinger. 

He sucks your nipple into his mouth and groans when you fist your hands in his hair. You sound so pretty, he thinks—and he leans back on the couch to admire just how pretty you look. He can’t catch his breath, but he doesn’t mind.

Your pace falters the slightest bit, and your chest is heaving a little slower now. He sinks lower into the couch and thrusts his hips up into you—once, twice, and your legs are shaking. “Aww,” he coos. “You’re so sensitive, baby. Look at you.”

Too lost in your own bliss, Joel decides to help you, to teach you. He grabs your chin and forces it down, forces your attention to where your bodies are joined.

“I told you to look,” he repeats. Joel turns his fingers in the waistband of your panties and pulls them taught, creating even more pressure against your clit. The pink fabric immediately becomes darker, sopping up some of the mess you’ve created on top of him, and Joel intends to make good on his wish to clean you up with his tongue. But not yet—not when you still have something to prove. “You gonna cum just like that? Hm?”

You nod frantically, your attention flickering between his dark eyes and your panties clutched between his thick fingers. “ Yes,” you tell him, legs trembling. Your pace is quick, and each roll of your hips becomes shorter and shorter. And with Joel moving underneath you it only takes seconds more before you combust. “Oh, fuck—fuck—I’m coming, I’m coming—!”

“That’s it,” he says, and you feel the deep timbre of his voice skitter across your skin like embers. “There you go. You’re being such a good slut for me, hm?”

When your orgasm finally fizzles out, you fall limply forward and Joel is there to catch you, like he always has been, like he silently vows he always will be. He rubs soothing circles against your spine and presses sweet kisses into your hair, waiting patiently as you try and regain what little composure you have left. 

You lift your head from the crook of his neck, and your eyes are glossy and your bottom lip is swollen and your cheeks are flushed with a rosy hue, and Joel thinks you’ve never been more beautiful. But then you slide from his lap to the floor in one fluid movement, and he realizes that this is the prettiest you’ve ever been; on your knees before him, eyes bright with anticipation and excitement. You place your hands on top of his strong thighs, look up at him through your lashes and ask softly, “Can I suck your dick, Joel?”

He has to squeeze his eyes shut. He has to because his cock is so fucking hard and your voice is so sweet and filthy he can’t handle it. He breathes in slowly through his nose and says, “Of course you can, baby.”

Without a moment's hesitation, you unbuckle his belt. The metal clinks in your fingers, and Joel’s heart is racing when you unbutton his jeans and hook your thumbs through the loops to tug them down. His cock snaps against his belly, and you lick your pink lips.

You take it in your hands, and Joel aches when you swipe your tongue over the tip, tasting the salty sweetness of his precum. He can’t believe this is really happening, that you’re really here, running your sweet, sweet tongue over every inch of his cock. You’re tasting him, savoring him, and Joel wonders if it pleases you to see him all bent out of shape like this. 

He prides himself on his masculinity. He’s always been a strong man, one who handles his shit on his own. Maybe it’s the Texas in him, but Joel’s always had traditional values. He’s always been the provider, the protector—he’s always been the one in charge. But when you wrap your lips around him and ease his cock into your hot, wet mouth, he’s at your complete mercy. 

“ Fuck,” he hisses, hands going to your hair. He tangles the silky strands between his fingers, and you hollow out our cheeks, creating a suction that has him groaning. He feels each pass of your lips down his spine, pressure forming low in his belly. “Just like that, pretty girl.”

You wrap your hand around the base and stroke the length you can’t fit into your mouth, and his grip in your hair tightens. Your nails are painted red—and the look of them wrapped around his cock is far better than he’d ever been able to imagine in his head. It’s so good that he doesn’t want to stop, he wants to cum just like this. He wants to expend himself at the back of your throat and watch his cum leak out of your mouth.

But Joel doesn’t get too far ahead of himself. There are other things, filthier things he wants to do to you than fill your mouth up. You let out a whiny groan as if sucking him off is somehow more pleasurable for you than it is for him. It’s the sexiest thing he’s ever seen, and the vibrations nearly send him over the edge, but Joel rips your head back to prolong this precious time with you. 

Your eyes are glassy, makeup smeared, lips swollen. You give him a beaming smile and Joel huffs a breath. “Did I do a good job?”

“ Yes, baby,” he says. “You did so well. C’mere, stand up.” You do as told, even though your legs are wobbly, and Joel lifts your foot into his lap. He unbuckles the straps of your heel, takes it off and sets it aside. He presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh and repeats the action with the other one, and then proceeds to pull your panties down your legs. He helps you out of the pink lace, and he knows he shouldn’t but he just can’t help himself and shoves them between the couch cushions, where he hopes you’ll forget about them.

He presses his mouth to your hip bone, an open mouthed kiss that leaves goosebumps in its wake as he does the same to your other side. “That feels so good,” you tell him.

Joel keeps peppering wet kisses across your belly, below your navel, over your pubic bone. Your thighs are pressed together, and you’re shifting on your feet in anticipation, and Joel can see the shiny wetness coating your pussy. He reaches between your legs and so gently slides his middle finger teasingly over your slit. It comes away sticky and wet, and he can’t resist the urge to lick the digit clean. It’s heady and sweet, and he feels drunker than whiskey or tequila has ever made him. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says, forehead falling against your abdomen. “What are you doing to me?”

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “I want you so bad, Joel. Please touch me.” Your hands are in his hair, stroking the unruly curls and lightly pulling.

The word please in your mouth sounds so fucking cute, so needy and desperate. What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to be a good man when you exist? He can’t, Joel knows. So long as you’re near—he’ll never be a good man. Only a bad one. Only a perverse one. He hooks his arm around your leg and lifts it over his shoulder, keeping his other hand wrapped around your waist for balance, and lets himself taste you fully, to drink from the source. 

And Jesus Christ, Joel loses it. He laps at your pussy, swallowing you up. He cleans up the mess you made in his lap, relishing in the decadence. He could do this for hours, he thinks. Could swirl his tongue around your swollen clit, could suck it between his lips, and kiss it softly for the rest of his life. He breathes in slowly, taking your scent deep into his lungs, and wonders why he’d ever want to come up for air. Your moans are music to his ears.

He dares a glance up at you to watch your expression when he reaches beneath you and slips a finger easily into your dripping pussy. 

Your head falls back, your mouth falls open, and Joel falls in love. 

The noises you make are obscene as you grind against his face, but not nearly as much as the sounds he’s making from between your legs. He’s groaning with your clit in his mouth and you’re creating a puddle in his palm, and it’s so sloppy and disgusting and he fucking loves it. 

Joel silently admits that you were right; that he loves your obscenities. He loves your secrets. He loves your defiance. He loves your depravity. 

He loves that you’re such a fucking slut. 

“Oh, god— Joel—!”

He pulls away because if you’re going to moan out his name again it’s going to be because of his cock. He stands abruptly, keeping one hand at the small of your back, and holds your jaw. With your face tilted up towards him, he smirks as he watches tears form in your eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Why did you stop?” Your voice is so whiny, so hopeless and frantic that it makes his cock twitch. “You were about to make me cum,” you say.

He kisses you hard, and you moan into his mouth, and Joel runs out of patience. He lifts you up and lays your back flat against the couch. He’s hovering over you, and his cock is just inches from the place it’s wept to be inside for so many years. Joel rolls it against you, gasping at the feel of your pussy on the underside of his cock. You’re so wet, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to last long enough for this to be good for you. 

But he’s determined. “ Joel,” you beg breathlessly, bucking your hips to try and find just the right angle where he slips inside.

“Yeah, baby?” He tilts his head slightly, watching as your eyes flicker back and forth between his hips and his predatory grin. 

“You’re being mean,” you say. “Stop teasing me. Just put it in, Joel, I need it so bad.”

He kisses your forehead. “S’that right?”

“Yes!”

It’s impossible, he thinks, to hold back his laugh. “You’re so fucking cute, baby,” he says. “Say please.”

“ Please! Please, please ple—!”

Joel lets out a ragged breath as he pushes into you. Finally, he thinks. Finally, finally, finally. “Fuck.”

It’s so much better than he ever imagined. He sinks in deep until your hips are flush, and even then he pushes your knee back to open you up and get impossibly deeper. 

“Oh my god,” you whimper, and Joel kisses you to swallow up the beautiful sound. 

You take him like you were made for his cock. And maybe you were, because Joel had never known it could be this fucking good. He knows it’ll never be this good again. “You’re taking it like such a good slut, baby,” he whispers into your ear, tongue sliding up your neck. He pulls his hips back and snaps them forward, the sudden change in force ripping a cry from your throat. “Shhh, it’s okay. You can take it.”

With your arms and legs wrapped around him, Joel fucks you slow. Real slow, real deep—he’s touching parts of you you didn’t even know existed. You feel so full and pressure coils around your spine. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, yes yes— mmm—!”

He sets a steady pace, hitting that soft spot inside of you every time. He reaches between your bodies and swipes this thumb over your clit. “Say thank you, baby.”

You look right into his eyes, warm and dark and full of devotion. You say, “ Thank you, Joel,” and you suddenly remember the same memory he does of that first day. 

He remembers how pretty you looked on your knees, and you remember how you spent that whole night in your bed touching yourself to him. 

And now it’s happened, it’s finally happened, and his cock is buried deep inside of you and his thumb is pressing hard against your clit and before he realizes it, your pussy is squeezing him as you cum. 

Tremors rock through your body, legs shaking and red painted fingernails clawing at his back. He keeps his same steady pace and says, “Give it to me, baby. Good fucking girl, being such a good little slut for me. That’s it. Give it to me. There you go.”

Even when your muscles loosen, you keep your limbs wound around him tight. Like even though you’ve finished and he’s seconds away from following you there, you still want him as close as possible. It makes him feel tender. “I want you to cum inside me,” you say, and Joel’s cock spasms in your tight pussy. “Cum in me, Joel, please —fill me up.”

He shouldn’t, he really fucking shouldn’t, but he already is, and stars blur his vision. Joel fights through the blindness though, and squeezes your cheeks in his hand. “Look at me,” he orders, and looking at your face makes him cum even harder. You take his thumb into your mouth, soft tongue circling it. And Joel bottoms out inside of you, has the best orgasm of his entire fucking life inside of a girl half his age, but cannot bring himself to regret a single second.

The weight of him over you is heavy but comforting. It’s perfect, and helps you catch your breath. Joel is panting, and you smell like vanilla and irish spring and cherry chapstick and when his eyes close, he wonders if he’s died and gone to heaven. 

Your fingers are stroking his spine lazily when the fear creeps in. Do you regret it? Now that it’s out of your system, do you wish you’d never have done it? Never have taunted him, never had let him keep all those secrets, never have come over tonight? The Evil Dead DVD sits on the floor by the front door, abandoned. 

There couldn’t have been much tequila in your mixed drink. You didn’t taste like alcohol at all. But still, you’d had some—do you feel like maybe he took advantage of you? 

Joel is afraid to look at you. He’s afraid to open his mouth, to ask if you’re alright, to apologize, to beg for your forgiveness. 

But then you ask him softly, “Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?”

He hears the echo of those words, and wonders if you do, too. You wince as he finally sits up and pulls himself out of you. He knows he should say no, but he can’t. Instead, he asks, “Will you make pancakes in the morning?”

The sound of your girlish laughter greets him and calms his fears for now. “Anything you want.”

Joel stops at the bathroom on the way to his bed and cleans the sticky mess from between your legs. It’s then as he realizes how many unhinged decisions he’d made tonight. He doesn’t know if you’ve slept with other people without protection, doesn’t know if you’re on birth control, doesn’t know if you’d be willing to take a contraceptive pill in the morning if you’re not, doesn’t know anything. The distance, while easier, has taken so much of you from him. And the realization leaves Joel cold. 

You’re so young, and he’s so much older than you…if the worst happened, would it even be the worst? Do you even want kids? 

A new fantasy emerges in his brain. The first one since admitting to himself that it’s a little more than just an intrusive thought. You’re standing on the back porch with a beaming smile, hand over your eyes to block out the bright summer sun while he mows the lawn. You’re in a pretty pink sundress, and your belly is swollen with Joel’s baby, and his knees buckle as he leads you to his bedroom. 

You climb in beside him, and he holds you under the blankets a little tighter than you hold him. Emotion chokes him. Joel swallows it down. But then you ask, “What’s wrong?”

“I want to keep you,” he confesses. “I want to keep you forever.”

For a moment, it’s quiet. He wonders if maybe you think he’s going to say more, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t have anything else to say. 

“So do it,” you whisper. 

“But I can’t.”

“You can,” you tell him with a sigh. “You can, Joel. That’s the real secret.”

The words reverberate through him. They clang around in his brain and leave him with something akin to elation. You kiss his jaw, and Joel thinks maybe you might be right. Maybe he will keep you. 

But for tonight, having you here pressed against him with the promise of pancakes in the morning is enough.

[PART TWO]

[masterlist]

divider by @thecutestgrotto <3