#feelswave

[feelswave]

By feels.wav.e

[partymedia]

In The Past Now by Navigatorº http://ift.tt/1N6DCir

[mentalhibranation]

When feels hit me, they come in giant tidal waves.

[feelswave]

I am very tired of how separatist discourse makes people create this whole evil entity out of thousands of individual, separate statements, it takes groups and mobs and homogenizes them, dehumanizes them and encourages more of it by giving shelter and validating anyone feeling attacked by the "opposite group of opinions".

So tired of hearing "they say and do this and that" when no they don't. One person says this, another person does that. One thing is not as offensive as the next. One belief is maybe not held as strongly as the next. They're not a huge mob of people that behave in the same way, but separate statements coming from separate contexts all responding to the same sentiment: hate, sorrow, fear, disgust, frustration.

This is so important, this distinction. Before you think all is lost and before getting ready to spew more of that sentiment in all directions, know that you're immediately generalizing. Know that generalizing kills the truth and acknowledge you're being careless with your words. You are allowed to do so, in fact you are still human and prone to trying to make sense of chaos, but do acknowledge this for your own mental health.

If you choose to identify and participate with any sort of group may it be based on encouraging the types of attitudes that spread compassion and not on dumping your frustrations on the attitudes you hate.

[feelswave]

X

[feelswave]

Buzz buzz

We can't all be activists. We can't all be fighters. We can't all be healers. We can't all be eloquent. We can't all have the bandwidth. We can't all be unbiased. We can't all be blind to the stories or the feelings.

We can't all be exactly the same and feel exactly the same having grown up in such different environments.

I'm so sad when I read these people. I'm so sad when I read all of this determination for things they barely understand. So sad to see how they get caught up in movements, temporary movements, while these and similar injustices happen, have been happening, and will continue to happen on the daily everywhere around the world.

If you so easily understand there's a spectrum for sexuality, why can't you understand there's a spectrum for humanity too. For what's moral and ethical. For what's close to your heart and what isn't. For what you can handle and what you cannot. There's a reason some people are firefighters, medical professionals, soldiers. And others aren't.

We can't all be the same. And you can be what you need to be right now. And not what they want you to or need you to be. Only you know what that is.

[feelswave]

The darkness is vast and the feelings tender

To the touch.

I get lost in dizzy spells

And my sheets swallow me whole

Don't have them. If you don't want them, don't have them, definitely.

The weight of expectation is not as heavy as the weight of carrying it alone

[feelswave]

I think it's adorable how many people are taking classic sayings and phrases absolutely LITERALLY and trying to prove them wrong or rewrite them in some way, as if the previous meaning (that they personally interpreted) was wrong and detrimental to begin with.

Then someone has to step in and explain it to them... Explain how the wisdom found in these phrases is IMPLIED, how a short saying isn't meant to tell you literally what and how to do something or what's right and what's wrong.

Wisdom finds you eventually. You hear one of these phrases and you keep it with you for years, until you figure out what they really mean. Until you figure out why it was shortened in the first place, summarized in a simple way that will get you to think. To think and remember. That's what they're about. They're bits of wisdom to take with you until they make sense. They're not meant to hurt you. They can't hurt you. They're meant to make you think. And if some of them make you think more than others, to the extent of making you angry at them... then maybe that's something you're personally struggling with. Not really the fault of the saying itself... More like, the saying got you thinking.

That's what it's about anyway.

[feelswave]

Ninguna cantidad específica de palabras te traerá aquello que te calma y te consuela

Simplemente sigue escribiendo

[feelswave]

“I don’t try to shut things out, because I don’t think that works very well. I prefer to let things come on in and do whatever its going to do and then leave. If a big wave is coming at you, you’re gonna get wet. You can either withdraw into a little shell and pretend that you’re not getting wet, or you can just get wet and dry off. That’s a corny metaphor, I guess, but that’s how I deal with things I don’t like. I outlive them.”

- Elliott Smith

[feelswave]

A part of me dies

to make room for

a new part of me

that will be cut off me.

[feelswave]

[feelswave]

It’s gonna hurt

Why do I feel so weird about kids reblogging our teenage years from deactivated accounts?

Also, I'm surely not alone when I feel they inadvertently mock our 90's-00's aesthetic, right? I don't think we thought any of that stuff was cool back then. It was what we had... How we coped. What was popularly available to us was very binary, very fake, very prejudiced and we were genuinely upset about it. But we had to even mock our own sadness by making it a caricature and calling ourselves "emo". Because even though we were genuinely depressed, the rest of the world kept telling us that it was impossible. There was no way. That we had to be exaggerating or being dramatic. (There's narcissists everywhere btw, but I'm speaking generally.)

I wonder if they understand that they are exposing real people's creations, average teenager feelings that were thrown online back then. It's like tearing pages off "public" journals and putting them in a museum. None of them imagined they'd be picked apart in this way. None of us did this with the 60's, 70's, and 80's. We only saw their culture through the lens of professionals: newspapers, ads, campaigns, brands, music, literature, TV, movies, celebrities, etc. None of our inspiration came from their childhood photos or personal doodles. It's slightly disturbing.

Because all the pretty pink merch you reblog was worn by celebrities that were dancing with their navels out, purposefully sexualized just for everyone to call them whores. Everyone. The media wanted them to be young but to grow up fast. It was all the rage when they lost their virginity. Remember "Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera?

Because all the clothes were designed for very thin girls. Browsing through the latest fashion, if you were curvy in any way, was just a waste of time. It just didn’t come in your size. There was barely any proper LGBTQ+ representation. People on TV and movies happily used cellphones, but normal people barely did. It was all a dream.

Everything was silver. And I love silver, but this was plastic silver. It was all cyber-fake. It sold an ideal aesthetic that never came. The toys were all trends, very expensive, and didn't last long. The Furby was $99 USD. I really wanted one, but by the time the quick fad was gone, everyone ended up being scared of it at night. It would talk randomly, imagine that.

The internet was sold as this ideal futuristic place, but only nerds and geeks understood it or were into it. It was a male-dominated place. It was VERY slow. You had to disconnect to use your house phone or get calls. It was a burden to anyone that didn't use it. Nobody wanted to get an email. "You've Got Mail" was ages ahead of its time. You were "into computers" while the rest of the world wasn't. All that cyber punk stuff you drool about were only our dreams that didn't last very long. 

You made online friends but you weren't allowed to trust them (With good reason sometimes). Explaining to others that these were real people you had relationships with, was laughable.

But most of all, you felt like you were riding on a dream that only a few wanted to make come true.

Until corporations exploited the internet by using us, much like in The Matrix, to feed them loads of data so they can show us ads while they get rich. Then it all went to complete shit. Then we became pawns. Ad-watchers. Reactors, mere users. The novelty was gone. And everyone got into it. Even your grandma. Everyone wanted to be in it, until they got tired of hearing one another's hateful anonymous comments and bullying. So they locked themselves in their own comfortable echo chambers.

Now they get upset when someone doesn't understand them, or when they don't understand something. They shut them out and shun them, "cancel" them. Much like a mean girl in high school would say, “you can’t sit with us”.

No matter how much you wish this dream of yours were true, it isn't. We're all in this. We all have to talk, and we all have to listen. We all have to heal, and we all must make mistakes and learn from them for this to happen. Even you. You who shelters themselves among thousands of rules of conduct and morality in order not to hurt anyone. You will hurt people. It's a fact of life. It's a fact of love. Loving people hurts. You can't shun pain from your life forever, and you can't heal it all at once. Everything takes time, so allow others that time too.

Being kind doesn't mean never hurting. It means understanding that pain is inevitable, and also necessary for growth. Hence the term “growing pains”. Instead of focusing on it, there's healing to be done. Spend time loving more, and pointing less fingers. Healing happens from the inside out.

-

by feels.wav.e

@feelswave on Instagram + Twitter

[feelswave]

I've had desperate people come up to me and look me straight in the eyes filled with hope, asking me whether buying an object will help them become better, more centered, less scattered, find love, get a lover back, get more money, and more. Even if my job was to sell this merchandise, I just can't lie to their face. I always put a lot of emphasis on their intention and the emotional work that needs to go around this object which will only serve to remind them to keep working on themselves.

When someone asks me "what does it mean when this keeps happening to me?" I can't help but tell them an answer based on facts and reality. But when a person feels lost and helpless, they don't want to hear that they have to change. They want an easy way out that will make all this shame or sadness disappear, something else that will take the responsibility of dealing with themselves away from their lives.

Knowing yourself is not something that you can achieve in two or three meditations. It’s not something a crystal or a prayer can teach you. Knowing who you are inside, what is important to you, what part of your personality is yours and which parts are borrowed from others is a life-long journey. I'm not saying that people who have been meditating for a long time or claim to be "more spiritually minded than you" actually know themselves and have "awakened" to a truer reality. In fact, no one can see or prove that what is going on inside their heads during these sessions is actual emotional growth. I believe that most of those who tirelessly keep searching for mystical answers to their very real problems are taking the even longer way out, and some don't ever come out of that place at all.

Mysticism claims to know the truth, while at the same time not giving you access to it, letting you guess what the rest means, and letting you interpret it in any way your brain sees fit. When you're at a dark place, you will interpret everything you hear as scary, making you feel anxious and out of control. When you're in a brighter place, you will love everything about it, it'll sound beautiful and you'll have fun with it. But don’t these states of mind oscillate all the time?

Let's be mindful about who we give power over our emotional wellbeing to.

❇️ No one is taking that power away from us. ❇️ When we're responsible about ourselves we know we are the ones giving this power away. So only invest yourself on information and experiences that acknowledge and respect this; people and organizations that don't try to prey on your vulnerability for personal gain.

-

by feels.wav.e

@feelswave on Instagram + Twitter

[feelswave]

“I’m the worst”

People out there be telling you to put up with their negative behavior, for no reason at all, other than the fact that you’re supposedly “friends”.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before: “I’m the worst friend”, “That’s just how I am”, “You have to love me the way I am”, “I do this to everyone, not just you”

• If I was your friend, I would make space for you in the relationship.

• I would make sure your friend-needs are being met, and step down when I can’t fulfill them. I wouldn’t over-promise what I can’t do.

• I would push you to do better.

• I would try and figure out if I’m making you feel uncomfortable.

• I would check my own behavior so that you don’t have to check it for me.

What kind of friendship treats you as a wall, a therapist, a journal, a personal assistant, or even a parent? A toxic one. None of those things are your friends’ responsibility. They’re your own. And guilting them into fulfilling any of these for you is irresponsable and disrespectful.

It will hurt, but that’s the truth. That’s the reason you say you “can’t trust anyone”, or that “you don’t have any friends left”. It’s because you don’t take care of them, because you can’t even take care of yourself.

Start there. Start with yourself. All other relationships follow after that.

Everyone is carrying a burden they want to make lighter, not just you. Hoping the rest of the world will somehow put up with your mindless behavior is just asking to be let down and dumped, over and over again. You have to show up and take responsibility for who you are, instead of making or hoping others will do it for you. No one wants to do that willingly. They do it out of the goodness of their hearts, or out of guilt. There’s no love in guilt or pity.

Seek better relationships. Be a better friend yourself. And if you ask for help, be damned ready to listen.

-

by feels.wav.e

@feelswave on IG + TW

[feelswave]

Have you missed me? Ha! I’m back with a podcast, let me know what you think. It’s a bit like a manifesto of what’s to come. I don’t even know what’s to come, so join me on this inconsistent journey!