#feels like they’re subscribing to the ‘they’re basically a girl’ shit so many people put on nb afab people

[odessastone]

Idk maybe I’m a touchy overreactive queer looking for things to get mad at, but it feels weird to me to finally give your nonbinary character a legendary skin after multiple seasons without a single one, and then have it be Them Dressed As A Girl

[mumufic]

My ranty Author Notes to address questions on my Three Sisters fic

So, I feel like I should put up some notes on a number of recurring questions I get in the comments, for those who don’t really read my responses (because I do provide some detailed explanations for why certain things are happening in my fic, but I get it if sloughing through comments for insight isn’t your thing; it isn’t mine either, hence the A/N.)

Why is Lily so stupid / obtuse / blind about Snape? Let’s level-set a couple of things: A) Lily is about as Gryffindor as they come, and some of the more common character flaws of people who belong to that house is that they rather tend to think a lot less of situations before diving in. That’s the case for Lily in this fic. Snape was her first magical friend that she’d ever met. She cherishes that friendship because she knows it’s returned even though she might not agree with a lot of Snape’s beliefs, not to mention Snape was the first person who told her that all the strange things that have been happening to her was the result of her being magical. For a child feeling the otherness of her abilities so keenly around her perfectly normal, muggle working class family, that is a huge thing. For the first time, Lily thought she’d met someone who understood her and the things she could do, and for that to have happened to her as a child, the person who validates that part of her being is going to play a very central role in her life until she reaches a breaking point. In the books, that breaking point was when Snape’s bigotry included her. For the longest time, he’d always excluded her from his hateful rhetoric, and there’s passages in the books that support that. B) Lily is a kid. She’s 11, and she probably met Snape at a much younger age (I’m guessing around 8 or 9) Kids who value their friends can sometimes be stupidly loyal to them even when their friends are behaving badly. Why do you think peer pressure is such a huge thing among young people? It’s partly because they value the person who is their friend to the point of being foolhardy over said friend’s bad actions. C) A lot of Snape’s bigotry goes over Lily’s head, because she’s never been taught to find differences between magical and non-magical people. Her parents obviously love her and Petunia the same and for her, that means they’re no different. She doesn’t understand the superiority Snape feels over Petunia, and because she doesn’t understand it, and also because she’s just a stupid kid who doesn’t really know better or even understands the slurs that come out of Snape’s mouth, she doesn’t think too much of it. Notice that Lily actually does call him out when he’s being mean to Petunia in ways that she can understand, when Snape tells Petunia that he had no place being in Platform 9 3/4 for example. But then Snape follows it up with reasoning that seems to be perfectly sound - Platform 9 3/4 is a magical location; it might not be the best place for Petunia to be. As for the spoon encounter, Lily had some basic understanding of accidental magic, thanks to Holly, and mostly chocked up that unfortunate event to Snape’s accidental magic rearing up from Petunia’s mean-spirited taunting. Petunia isn’t innocent in that scene, if you go back to it and think critically on it, look at it in the eyes of a normal rational adult. She’s just presented as being sympathetic because the narration is from Holly’s POV, and Holly likes this Petunia and hates Snape absolutely. Lastly, pretty much everything I have on Snape during the Summer with the Evanses part of this story have a basis in canon. He was hateful to Petunia, but Lily constantly made excuses for him, thinking that he’s just mean in general because of his difficult family life. The same goes when they get to Hogwarts. Snape spouts the same bigoted things the Slytherin Purebloods say, and Lily makes excuses for him. That’s canon. Lily made excuses for Snape’s behavior to her sister and her friends (especially Mary, who was canonically muggleborn) until she found she couldn’t anymore because his hatefulness suddenly spilled over to include her. Does that make Lily stupid? Probably, yes. Does it make her human? Fucking hell yes, and anyone who thinks that they won’t behave that way have clearly never figured out conflicted love-hate relationships with toxic people, so good for you, but these things happen to others, and it shouldn’t be surprising. There’s a basis for this in reality, and there’s a basis for Lily’s blind loyalty to Snape in canon.  And barring all of that if you don’t agree, it’s my fic, and I choose to write her this way. If that makes her a stupid character and you think I’m assassinating Lily’s characterization from canon, your interpretation is valid, but so is my right to write what I want as long as I’m not making a cent off of this. Thanks.

Why is Sirius spouting the bigotry he vehemently disavowed in OoTP? And why did he call Holly a mudblood? I don’t know about you, but I think Sirius had to have been an extremely sheltered child, growing up in a magical house surrounded on all sides by a muggle neighborhood. I think he started questioning why he wasn’t allowed to play with other children whom he could probably see from his bedroom window, but he didn’t actually know how and why he needed to reason it out with his parents until he met people who taught him how to articulate the feelings he had over his parents’ bigotry against muggles and muggleborns. As for why he called Holly a mudblood, again, has a lot to do with the normalization of hate in the household he grew up in. Walburga and Orion Black taught their children to hate anything and anyone that didn’t subscribe to the same Pureblood rhetoric as they did. And since Sirius thought Holly lived with the Evanses, who were muggle, and not with the Potters who were Purebloods, he didn’t see a distinction for her blood status from Mary or Lily, who were actually muggleborn. Hell, I don’t even think Sirius understood blood status all that well at all as an 11-year-old. He was just repeating shit he heard his parents say because he didn’t know any better. I’m not going to tell you how to interpret your reading of my fic, but generally, I wouldn’t ascribe knowledge that I know of characters and events to the characters within the story, because they can’t be expected to know and understand what I know and understand, especially in a fic written in such a limited POV, and things like Holly’s blood status, would not be known to Sirius because Holly had never actually told James or him about her parents, other than that they were Potters. And while you can make a case for the fact that Holly told Sirius and Regulus in Chapter 7 that she’s not muggleborn, I still stand by the idea that the Black exclusionist ideas that Walburga and Orion taught their children would still have Sirius identifying her as one simply because of where he thinks she grew up in.

Why is Holly so stupidly letting so many details from her timeline out to her friends? I think we should all cut Holly some slack for spilling so many details about her life to Lily and Petunia. She’s an orphan who’ finally met the girl who would be her mother. She can’t shut up about her life because OMG my MUM! I finally got to meet her! On top of that, up until the point where Holly met Fleamont Potter, the last time Holly had been warned about meddling with time had been when she was in third year, and it was rushed and the warning hadn’t even been made to her; it had been McGonagall warning Hermione and Hermione repeating the same information to her. So the meddling about time? Holly didn’t exactly give a shit. Lastly, we have so many references in canon of Harry Potter being an exceptionally impulsive little blockhead to the point where he constantly gets himself into trouble. Running after the Philosopher’s Stone in PS, continuing on to fight the basilisk and look for Ginny while Ron tries to get help in CoS, haring off to the Ministry in OoTP, Sectumsempra in HBP, uttering Voldemort’s name and getting them caught by Snatchers in DH… the list is actually pretty damn long. So why should it not be a character flaw for Holly in this fic to be stupidly impulsive in the information she gives out to a person she thinks is her mother, one she’s loved and idolized and put on a pedestal all her life? Why shouldn’t she spout similarly incriminating information to a boy she knows would be her godfather, whom she trusted and loved up until he got killed? It’s a character flaw, yes, and I’m not here to write perfect characters, because perfect characters who only do the right and intelligent thing make for a dry, boring read. If you weren’t about annoying flaws like this, then you’re welcome to click off my fic and find some other story where Harry is the perfect godsent angel come to save us all. That’s not what this story is about.

Why aren’t you patching up any of these inconsistencies that multiple people have already pointed out? Some of them, because that is how I want to write the characters in my story. Some of them, because there will be points in the future where these things are addressed and resolved. And yet still some of them because I don’t want to. Yes, even the stupid ones that really don’t make sense and should probably be changed. I don’t want to go back and change them. That’s how I am as a fic writer, and last I checked, this is still my fanfic.

Want to have a say in how I’m planning the characterization and plotting out? I’m still looking for a beta who I’d like to be able to help me with things like plot inconsistencies, annoying characterization (ok, shut up about Lily already. I didn’t make her this stupid; JKR did when she wrote Lily insisting on her friendship with Snape all the way up to fifth year!), and just generally talk about how and where I intend for the story to go.

If you’d like to beta for me, hit me up on my main Tumblr, @mumuinc  or DM me on Discord; my profile is mumuinc#7662.

[alligaytorswamp]

yellow , green , blue, turquoise , onyx , fuchsia , cream , mauve ( also genshin) & plum B)))

hey hi hello >:)

green: do you have a favourite flower?

nah i dont differentiate them.. every flower is just a flower to me jkhasjkdhkj...

if the flower is purple it gets extra points tho

blue: preferred type of weather?

rain!!! thunderstorms!!! <333

turquoise: favorite sea animal?

penguins or turtles :p

onyx: do you still play Minecraft?

nope, never did

fuchsia: favorite land animal?

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?

i have a helix one but it got fucked up.. so it looks weird :(

would love to fix it one day.. or maybe get rid of it completely hhh

no tattoos but i want some yes heheeheh

some longer answers will be under the cut jkahdsjkad

plum: a food you've never tried

oi.. dats like a lot of things... ;;

well I've never had anything "Chinese"/"Mexican"/idk what else people mention in a similar manner... i hear English-speaking folks refer to these.. "types" and yep never had any of that. also like.. any food chains that just don't exist in Russia? obv nope......... there is probably an insane amount of stuff I haven't tried, I'm picky and literally just eat at home 99% of the time so-

yellow: name of an artist you think is underappreciated

gonna give a dumb ass answer but... i can't...? i don't really know how much one should be "appreciated", like what is the "right amount" and whether or not this person receives it. the amount of notes/likes doesn't always represent that and also i don't look there at all.. also this one random artist can have multiple accs on different platforms with different engagements and all that... so how do i really know what's up with them? and once again i don't think i sit around thinking Damn this person needs more likes !! .. i just like/rb whatever i want and it's epic lashdjlksajdlk also i'm not sure if i have strong attachments to certain creators.. (at this point that is. i used to and some of it backfired lmao) ... the only attachments i have r ppl i'm friends with which is U Know... considered the right answer to this question and an adequate person would do just that but damn none of yall getting a free promo wtf 🙄 and i feel like mentioning one friend could lead to upsetting another or like .. i could just forget to tag someone... or I would waste time trying to figure out if it would be ok to mention them in an ask like this one and probably would decide against it anyways just not to bother anybody ....

and is getting tagged in a post saying u r underappreciated even a compliment? because i for one am not too sure about that........... much to think about uh huh

mauve: any unpopular opinions?

we entered danger zone.................... beware :з

uhhh well first of all I think childe x zhongli is like the most pathetic and boring "default" pairing this fandom came up with. they have 0 chemistry and I just hate everything about it. as much as I headcanon both as queers... together romantically it feels like 2 straight men put together by ya*i fans............ also before i blacklisted to ship and voluntarily looked through the ship tag... every post felt like a hard ooc. i could not understand what childe or zhongli are supposed to be as individuals, what they have in common, what kind of dynamic they have. deadass most crack ships with 0 interactions have more flavor than this tragedy

eng VAs are great people and appreciate their work but whoever decides the voices ain't doing it right. every male character sounds like a middle-aged white man.. and most of the youngest characters sound like very obvious adults trying to pretend to be babies. all of it irks me so bad god.. and there are so many characters that lose their little spark in eng........ (yet in korean and chinese they're completely fine??)

all of the playable adult male characters are shitty people in one way or another. none of them are good. they have reasons and different perspectives, yes, but they suck. every single one of them. stop ignoring it or trying to say only some are evil. none of them are inherently terrible.. but they're not these precious and righteous individuals. they're men.................... that says a lot, actually. :\

and as for women? god i hate the idea that they're all so uninteresting and weak. lichrally just a bunch of girlbosses, morals of most could be questioned as well... anyways some of the girls not having extremely dramatic stories doesn't make them any less cool. let them be

also all archons suck it's ok. you can still love them while acknowledging that they've done some shit. ALSO stop demonizing venti .. and now baal, while praising zhongli- he's an old loser stop lying to yourself. i hate when people present him as the only good archon, the voice of reason who is just so cool and collected but also ahh so cutely silly about mora !!!............. bitch the story quest of liyue is just one zhongli-is-a-fucking-moron campaign idk did yall skip it or something............ and even then it's ok to like him, he does have his logic/reasons/beliefs that justify his actions... he is not a good guy or archon tho.

shipping archons/adepti/whatever the fuck that isn't a basic human with a basic human is super weird. i mean the power dynamic will be completely fucked and ages? lord almighty... basically mortals should stay with mortals... the rest goes to baby jail except maybe ganyu she's a good girl

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what else.................

maybe.. ahha... well.............. with how people hype up any vague new character that is leaked and declare how they will skip every banner ever for them - even tho all we know is... how the character looks like? it feels a bit too much. like truly what's the point of going crazy and then screaming at mihoyo every 3 seconds over some character that could be fake for all we know, or maybe they'll be a support you don't need, or they have a weapon you don't like to use.... can't you just wait till we get official info? jesus lawd- but regardless.......................... where is the same energy for baizhu :)

the man is literally in the game and people manage to forget him even in conversations about dendro specifically- how the fuck is that even real-

thanks for watching everybody don't forget to subscribe smash that like button and hit the notification bell ^_^

[gimme-a-hand-scaevola]

A review of the book The Rook by Daniel O’Malley that nobody ever asked for...

Ok so @chemcat92 recommended me this book and I listened to it on audiobook and I just... have a lot of thoughts. I haven’t read the sequel and I’m torn if I will. Having watched some AMVs of the show, it’s a hard pass. My review is going to be in three parts:

1. The plot

2. Wasted Potential - In General

3. Wasted Potential - Gestalt the Most Wasted Character Potential I’ve Read since Drizzt Do’Urden 

Obviously spoilers under the cut. 

Part 1: The Plot - i.e. I think Daniel discovered books four days before he started writing 

Ok so... The plot of this book. It starts off STRONG I will give it that. Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a rainy part surrounded by bodies wearing latex gloves and no memories. She soon discovers her previous self lost her memories but because she was organized and knew it was coming, she has eased new Myfanwy’s transition. She gets to choose to stay in her life through letters and then we get an easy way to give flashbacks. Anyway this part RULES. 

Honestly, the book starts strong as hell. Myfanwy discovers she has supernatural powers over people’s nervous systems and is a trained bureaucrat for a supernatural wing of the government. This all runs sort of like a combination of Heroes and Harry Potter in the best way possible. And here is where we find the strongest part of the book: the superpowers. 

We don’t have to look that far to find Heroes type shows or books where everyone has a special ability, so if you’re going to go that route, you’ve gotta bring it. And honestly, Daniel brings it. They powers are cool as hell, they’re inventive, they’re well bounded. I felt like I understood what people’s powers and limitations were. We were in a land with magic, but it never felt cheap. This is going to dovetail into my absolute RANT about Gestalt but give me a sec to get there. 

Ok. So honestly I don’t even have any complaints until the third act. Act one gives us the set up, act two introduced the big bad the Grafters and so far so good. We’ve got good but elitist supernatural guys vs. bad but more egalitarian supernatural guys. We also know that it was someone in the supernatural org (it has a name but the name is so stupid I can’t spell it) that betrayed our protag and stole her memories and they’re still around and teamed up with the evil Grafters. Intrigue?? Don’t know who to trust???? Love it. 

For some reason everyone is either old, or hot, or so inhuman it’s viscerally horrifying. Love this touch. Eleanor from the Good Place taught us that it’s totally free to imagine everyone in a story as super hot. And it is. So they’re all super hot. Love it. Good commitment, Daniel. 

But then we get to Act three. So, this was a big swing on ol Danny’s part because a lot of the effect of this had to do with carrying out mystery. We’d built a lot of tension on the suspense  Who Betrayed Myfanwy. So obviously it’s really important for me to be surprised or at least satisfied with who this is. (As an aside, I would have been ok with guessing correctly, I definitely don’t subscribe to surprise trumping cohesive plot). Ok. With that on paper... like... holy shit. What a stupid “reveal.” 

So in part 1, like the first scene we get of old Myfanwy’s letters giving us context, she says that her apartment at work was inherited from a dude Conrad something that got promoted. And then she says it’s super badly decorated, and later we see it and this shit is straight out of Austin Powers, mirror over a round bed, The Whole Shebang. But she also says that this guy who otherwise is supposed to be very smooth and charismatic like... asks her about the decor.... every time they interact. Every Time They Interact. The second this was mentioned (WHICH IS AFTER WE KNOW SHE WAS BETRAYED) I'm like “oh ok so this guy bugged her room he’s the villain” and I only wasn’t sure because it was WAY too obvious. 

But no. He’s the villain. He has a big reveal where he’s like “AND I BUGGED YOUR ROOM” and I'm like... well... yeah. Of course you did. But here’s the thing tho... Myfanwy’s like... WHOLE ASS JOB is planning covert ops. So... is she good at her job??? IS SHE???? 

But we also don’t actually show how characters are based on their actions, we are just told how they are. But we will circle back to that in the Gestalt part. That’s honestly the sum of my rant about the plot. It was nothing. It put all its eggs in the basket of the worst most boring reveal of all time. Daniel, I think you might just be boring. 

Part 2: Wasted Potential - Everything but Gestalt who gets a special part to themselves.

The big sin of this book might just be too many good ideas. There’s a lot of characters, they all do cool stuff, but we have like 200 pages, so there wasn’t enough time to do anything with all these guys. I got lost about who was who like 80 times because they’re basically all sneaky hot magic guys. One of them smokes and is a soldier and he seems chill. 

There’s a vampire and he gets a scene and a long intro that reads more like a wiki page. Like it was interesting but you would have lost NOTHING cutting him as a character except that he was cool. You never ever believe that he was the bad guy because it’s super well established in the Certified Back Story that he could give two shits about the politics of the humans. He’s there bc he’s an adorably young vampire who is very curious so his dad set him up as a powerful government agent as though it was enrolling him in a prep school. Love it, but again, we don’t.... need him around. 

There’s a lady who can walk through dreams and I thought she was going to be important based on the fanfare of her introduction but then we forget about her basically entirely. 

There’s a whole American wing that we also only see anything interesting about in side story. Basically the world building is really good. Like pretty superb to be honest. But it’s bracketing a story that is nothing so it makes even good characters seems really random. And that bring us to:

Part 3: My Darling, Gestalt. My Type. My Weakness. What a Sad Little Thing You Are (Also misogyny)

Alright... if the rest of this review wasn’t salty enough for you... let the salt begin. Gestalt. So named because of the word meaning larger than the sum of its parts. And so they were destined to be. And so they were most definitely not. So Gestalt’s whole thing is that they are one consciousness with four bodies. They can either control one body at a time and sort of shut the others down or they can control them all at once but that becomes harder if one of them requires more attention than another, like if one is in a fight. 

Two twins (men), one fraternal brother, and a sister. If anyone is thinking “uhoh, only one girl, hmm can Daniel handle that? Seems like maybe some Smurfette style misogyny-lite is coming,” you would be wrong. Super wrong. Because it is not misogyny-lite. It’s aggressive Fight-Me-In-A-Perkins-Parking-Lot misogyny. So go fuck yourself, Dan. 

Alright, so to number Gestalt’s sins. 

1. Scrape off some of that intro mustard.

They’re introduced in the LONGEST fucking passage I’ve ever read telling me that this dude is hard to talk to and weird. Like, I’m in an urban fantasy book already, I'm all set. Also... bitch SHOW ME they’re weird. Like can I see some interactions that give me second hand embarrassment??? No. It is actually never uncomfortable to talk to Gestalt. I only know that because people are super fucking rude about them. But it is never earned. So I don’t feel sympathy when people are like “Oh noooo you have to spend a car ride with Gestalt? Ewwwww sorry.” I’m just like, “What’s your fucking problem? They seem fine.” 

2. They’re supposed to be Bad At Planning but when?? 

Alright so there ARE times they’re bad at planning and we will GET TO THAT. But it’s only post-reveal like... what we are told during a monologue that they were dumb as shit. And that wasn’t even like not being good w/ details like it’s implied they are, it’s literally like doing dumb ass stuff. And it felt more like my bud Dan didn’t have a good handle on why stuff was dumb as rain than Gestalt being silly. 

Also.... this is a stupid use of this sort of character. They’re dumb and bad at planning??? THEY’RE A JOINT CONSCIOUSNESS why would you waste that making them “Good at kicking ass.” ugh. Fine. 

3. They get sidelined IMMEDIATELY 

So a guy named Pumice Stone or Kettle or Lil boy Bad At This or something outs that Gestalt is working with the Grafters because he like.... wasn’t paying attention. It was boring. But anyway so they capture two of the bodies and then stop addressing Gestalt until the end. They have one weird scene where the protagonist like.... freaks them out but ok. Fine. Why is Gestalt so Yelly. Why are so many villains in this book yelly. Ew. 

4. The REVEAL MONOLOGUE. 

I know this is a long ass review already. But my Feelings Must be Heard. So in the end when Conrad surprises no one but “smart” Myfanwy that he was the bad guy, we also get a reveal from the surviving Gestalt bodies that:

a. There’s an incest baby

b. They’re afraid of death

c. They’re so phenomenally stupid I have lost all interest in them

So... this is where the misogyny comes in. I’ll note here that the only time we interact w/ Eliza, the special girl body, is when she takes a carried to Hogwarts the super secret magic school with Myfanwy and she doesn’t do anything except we get the internal note that she’s like... gained weight. This is the misogyny-lite we expect. (And no, Dan, you don't get any points bc a female character is the only pleased she got pudgy bc YOU wrote the female character so we’re all set there.)

And then we discover that the weird blonde (lol oh yeah they’re all hot blondes) baby that Conrad “Evil Austin Powers” British-Last-Name has with his weird wife is actually a Gestalt body that Eliza had after she boned down with her other body who is genetically a brother and consciously herself. 

K. Ok. I have. Ok. Alright. Daniel. Ok. 

SUBPART A: My Feelings about Gestalt: Oh Eliza, my darling, my dear, would that I could bring you Justice

So after Eliza is shot dead one of the interchangeable boy bodies of Gestalt yells at Myfanwy about how terrible that is bc it was the only body who could bear children so now THE HORROR they’ll die. 

For god’s fucking sake Daniel O’Malley. What the fuck is your goddamn problem. You LITERALLY wrote a Smurfette Syndrome character who is only important because she can have babies. She is literally just there to be a baby-box. What the fuck. Get fucking wrecked. Thank GOD Starz cut your program and fuck the Aurealis Awards for giving you an award for this fucking book. But they’re a sci-fi award so this is probably super progressive for them. I was pleasantly annoyed by the basic nature of this book until this part. Now I am just done with your content. This was more overtly sexist that Supernatural. So... real swing and a miss. 

ANYWAY FORTUNATELY this opens a whole new can of worms that I get to ruthlessly mock certified Basic Bitch Daniel O’Malley for. 

SubPart 2: Gestalt Raises Interesting Philosophical Questions Daniel Isn’t Smart Enough to Address

So, remember, I would have cut this dude more slack if he didn’t do that to Eliza. Gestalt, to be honest, this whole review is dedicated to what you Could Have Been. 

Interesting Questions or Comments We Could Have Asked:

Does having a baby being one of five of your bodies affect your consciousness? That thing doesn’t have object permanence? Is there like an intellectual cost to having another baby body? No, we don’t care. I think we just had there be a baby bc “Weird sister-sex” was as interesting as Daniel could get. Side Note: The obvious question of “lol haha lol is it incest or mAsTurBation is not going to be addressed here bc it is literally too boring to consider)

Does having a body who textually is said to have post-partum depression affect your joint consciousness? If not, why bring it up?? Bc she has “weird lady disease” is that why???

Are they....afraid of death????? Why didn’t you ever bring this up? Why have they showed only excitement at the prospect of very dangerous fights up to this point? Why are all four bodies in the field. 

WHY ARE ALL FOUR BODIES IN THE FIELD. Ok so here is one of those points that is definitely stupid but stupid in a dumb as dirt way. If you were afraid to lose your baby-box body, why would you send her into battle? 

Why didn’t they freeze a bunch of her eggs? In fact, why did she bear it at all? Why put your one female body that you only want for babies through that sort of danger? Canonically they all get paid an absurd amount and Gestalt is paid for each body, they can afford a surrogate.  

Why let a weird dude who is at best contemptuous of you raise your baby body? Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Doesn’t that give him a huge amount of leverage over you? 

Is the quality fo Gestalt’s form destined to decline if genetically they can only make more bodies by full genetic sibling offspring? Does that scare them? Again... does their physical brain affect their consciousness? 

If so... maybe that would be a good reason for them to want to join up with the Grafters who are way ahead in genetic research and engineering. 

ANYWAY Gestalt is sexist as shit and boring as hell and had SO MUCH WEIRD POTENTIAL. 

In summary: It was definitely fun but Fuck you, Daniel O’Malley 

[normal-thoughts-official]

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She's hilarious but there's two videos where she starts to speak more mumblingly

ok first of all these are brilliant and i'm losing my mind and i love you, thank you for curating these to me.

i will transcribe them in a bit but i just felt the need to leave this "little" (it's long sorry) note:

as someone who's been raised catholic i just want to say that she is pretty wrong about almost everything she said about catholics, and i say that as someone who hates catholicism with my whole mind body and soul and who's been traumatized by this stupid fucking faith to the point where i can't get into a church without breaking into sobs dauihdasiuh. the catholic guilt is real but catholics are absolutely allowed to divorce and use contraceptives, and also have sex before marriage. the first one is met with some guilt esp from women altho honestly i think it's more due to mysoginist reasons than religious reasons, and the second and third ones are commonpractice and if you say that it's wrong and bad everyone will think you're a fucking weirdo

and even with the divorce thing, while the guilt is there (im pretty sure half the reason my mom doesn't divorce is because she would feel guilty about it, although again, i feel like that's got very little to do with religion and way more with internalized mysoginy), i cannot stress enough that divorce is allowed, almost everyone i know has divorced parents and they're all catholics. the church's official position is kinda weird (as of now pope francis basically said that it's "morally necessary" in some cases but he also referred to ppl who divorced and remarried as "imperfect", but like, it hasn't been forbidden for years, so much so that people get second marriages at catholic churches literally all the time, and i kinda feel like ppl overestimate how much ppl care about what the pope says. at least here in latam, cuz we've always kind of freestyled religion since it was imposed on us anyway, but like... in my experience the average catholic practitioner is INCREDIBLY less conservative than the vatican and i feel like most people don't even know what the pope says or doesn't say. and i'm saying that as someone whose grandfather almost became a priest and only gave that up because he fell in love with my grandmother, and he's been a ferverent catholic his entire life. also two of his kids divorced, one married a divorced woman, one is gay and living together without marriage with his divorced boyfriend, one never married, and one had two kids before marriage which necessarily means that they fucked, and none of that was ever a problem to him. oh, also, my dad had divorced AND he was a buddhist when him and my mom married. currently he is a spiritist)

i think it might be possible that u technically have to ask for "permission" to the church to remarry in church, but in practice i think it's more of a ritualistic thing than actually asking for permission, cuz i've never met a single person who had them say no. it was pretty much "hey local bishop guy so my husband sucked and we divorced can i marry again" "sure lol". obviously it sucks that you even have to ask, but it's nowhere near as strict as people seem to think

the contraceptive thing is also absurd. like i cannot stress enough that my family would absolutely flip if they found out i DIDN'T use contraception. that was always something that my family reinforced very strongly, ESPECIALLY my grandpa. i've never met a single catholic who does not teach their kids to use contraceptives. my high school was catholic (literally named the Holy Cross, fun times, although they didn't impose the faith or anything. in fact almost half of the students in that school are jewish, but like, still, there was a priest in the school board) and we were taught to use contraceptives, put the condom in a banana and the whole pizzazz during biology class

like yeah the bible says not to but it also says not to mix different fabrics and that doesn't mean it's actually a thing that's reinforced in most catholic communities doaihdaj at least not here in latam. in here non-catholic christians are actually way more hardcore about the puritanism rules than catholics are, particularly evangelicals, which are kind of overtaken the catholics' traditional role of being colonialist fuckers as they are mostly from the US so they come to further US imperialism through religion here. watch out catholic church they're coming for ur crown

and even outside of puritanism, "non practicing catholics" are absolutely a thing like ppl who are catholic but don't even pray or go to church, much less care about that shit douahdsaohj so like the stereotype that all catholics are like the very small minority of hardcore catholics is like the stereotype that every muslim lives by the ultra-conservative muslim rules. it's not true and it's stereotypical and taking the minority ultra conservatives to be the rule when they are not

there's also the fact that there are many different currents of thought inside the catholic church (a little bit like with judaism although way less flexible than judaism is), some of which are very conservative, some of which are progressive. here in latam in particular the teology of liberation is extremely popular (it's the one my family subscribes to, and i'm pretty sure it was actually born here in latam) and it's pretty progressive. for catholics, that is

and like mandatory disclaimer that i am coming from my own experiences with latam catholicism, which i feel is different from other catholic countries - my polish friends for example have experiences with catholicism that are a lot closer to those stereotypes than mine ever were - but since most of the catholic population in the world is brazilian (like me), and second place goes to mexicans, i feel pretty comfortable taking it as a ruler to measure general catholic practices

with that being said, however, the catholic church can choke and die in a fire as it is a symbol of colonialism first and foremost, its proselitism is one of the worst things ever, and even the progressive currents are still way too damn conservative for my tastes. i just don't feel comfortable transcribing something that i know is incorrect and stereotypical (and that in some cases is used to further oppression like with the Irish in the UK or armenian catholics, and i've even had some US-diaspora latinos hear some incredible things from gringos who assumed they were catholic, or, in their beautiful words, "had latino religion". but obviously in most cases catholics are the oppressors, especially here in the third world)

also, her assessment in the third video is absolutely correct. A/B/O IS just conservative gender roles born of christian and catholic imposition transposed to a fictional world where the genders have slightly different names, which is why i, as a rule, hate it dauhdsaiuhdauhda and even though the assessment that catholicism is thaaat much more conservative than other christian religions (it's absolutely not, it's Exactly As Conservative) isn't true, catholicism is still where most if not all of western conservative rethoric is born of, and ugh, it's so refreshing to see someone understand this and put it into words so well

so yeah keep that note in mind but anyway, transcriptions:

[Video transcription #1: in reply to a tiktok question, which says, "now i'm thinking about the catholic guilt that would come with it oh my god". user @Omarsbigsister is saying, "good morning", she then covers her mouth as she starts to laugh, before continuing, "I guess I'm the religious omegaverse tiktoker now. I did not know catholic guilt was more than just sex, I thought it was just about sex, but nO. people who are catholic, if you don't know, they get guilt over every little thing, they get guilty when they eat, they have guilt when, like... [dismissive gesture] they have fun... it's messed up *cut* [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] in which you HAVE to be bonded before... *sticks tongue out* *cut* and catholics, from what i know, uhm, cannot get divorced, so you can't be unbonded, you're stuck for life with that alpha or omega, and then you can't use contraceptives so if you have a heat or rut, good luck, you cannot escape it, and on top of that, they preach abstinence, right, so if you're having a heat or rut in your teen years you just gotta deal with it alone like you are not allowed to be bonded, so, that would be really intense."

#2: in response to a question, which said, "follow up question: if in the real world hijabis are women, in ABO universe would hijabis be omegas of all genders?". the user is shown stroking her chin in contemplative silence for a long time, before she says, "actually, both men and women have to wear a hijab, it's just more visible on women, but men also have to cover from like, the neck all the way down... so like when you see them [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] that's their hijab. *cut* Islam is actually treating men and women, like, fairly somewhat equally, so, I feel like in omegaverse alphas, betas, and omegas would all be held to the same standards, and alphas and omegas would also be held by the same standards but then culture would ruin it, just like western culture has ruined it. for your other question. 'would muslim families prefer betas more, and would betas be spiritual leaders', i feel like everyone prefers betas more, but then also Islam came to like, uplift women [a written note then shows up, which says, "like girls are seen as a blessing to have as kids"], so like omegas would be seen as like, a blessing to have as a child.

#3: in response to another tiktok question, which says, "fun fact bestie you cannot get divorced in the catholic religion even if your spouse is abusive and horrible to you so in omegaverse how would that work?". she replies, "the reason that Abrahamic religions seemingly fit so well into the omegaverse universe is because catholicism specifically and christianity, uhm, all the gender norms and all the cultural norms especially in the west came from catholicism and christianity, they were forced on people, and then you know, people might not be religious, but the norms stay. but now you have omegaverse which is basically just a bunch of like youth exploring the youth through this, like, werewolf fanfiction trope, using all these gender roles that you have in society on their head, so, really, what i'm saying, is that... omegaverse is just catholicism fanfiction"

#4: she looks at the camera and says, "getting islamophobic comments is one thing, but getting islamophobic comments that say that muslims cannot be in the omegaverse".... she then breaks into laughter for a solid 30 seconds

#5: she is shown reading out loud, in a mock-outraged face, a tweet that says, "about to murder tiktok they try to make Ramadan a 'quirky' trend. it's a religious holiday. stop it, get some help. /srsly /g.", then a follow-up tweet, which says, "saw a tweet saying on tiktok they are asking questions about how ramadan would work in omegaverse. i'm done with y'all, just say you disrespect muslims and go". then another tweet by a different user, which says, "i tried to read, i got secondhand embarrassment-" they then break out of character and say, "oh, that's fair," before going back, "if it wasn't ramadan i'd be boxing those people right now. those people should be ashamed to even think that way wtf". then another, which replies, "well i'm not celebrating it, so as a non-muslim, i'll happily box them". then, back to her normal voice, she says, "i really was just making a silly little tiktok and seeing that stuff really hurts... i'm just kidding, i can't keep a straight face. you like minecraft youtubers, what are you gonna do to me? what are you gonna do to me?"

#6: in reply to a tiktok ask, which said, "prince philip was an omega". she slowly films herself as she takes a walk, finds the nearest trash bin, and tosses the phone there, before putting the lid over the box. end ID]

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #430

“when the girl in the corner is everyone’s woman, she could kill you with a wink of her eye”

What kind of dog do you find most ugly? What a mean question. ;-; I don't think they're ugly, but I probably find chihuahuas to be the least visually appealing. Do you like wood floors or carpet better? Wood. Do you think the USA bullies other countries? Quite frankly, yes. Are you currently in love right now? No. Favorite fast food joint? Sonic. What would you do if your ex contacted you? THE ex, have a panic attack. Cry. Be wordlessly ecstatic. Be scared and confused. Do you still have feelings for your ex? Two, yes, but one is unrealistic considering I have no idea who he is anymore. It's been way too long for me to possibly, accurately like him. Ever tasted a flavored condom? No. Do you know CPR? No. How much do you care about your best friend? I'd die for her. Do you watch Dr. Phil? No. What age would you like to have a child? I don't want kids ever. Are your parents wealthy? Mom, absolutely not. Dad seems to be financially stable, but not wealthy or anything. Pick one state you’d love to live in? Alaska. How many pets do you want? And of what? Man, I want a LOT. I know I want more ball python morphs, a plains hognose, a woma python, numerous tarantulas, a fat-tailed gecko, a boa, orchid mantises, a sphynx, a tegu would be super cool... I'd love to have like an empire of pets one day, aha, but only so long as I could maintain them all and adequately provide for them. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. When do you want to get married? I mean, I don't have a set age in mind. I want to get married when I'm ready. Can you play a musical instrument? I played the flute for yeeeaaaars in middle and high school, but I remember almost nothing by now. What if you stopped orgasming for the rest of your life? Idc, honestly. Does money make you happy? Money probably makes me happier than it should, but I'm not like madly in love with it or anything. Happens when you're poor your whole life. Your favorite breakfast food? Ugh, cinnamon rolls are a godsend. When was the last time you went to a funeral? I actually don't think I've ever been to one... only wakes. I really, really wish I could have gone to Jason's mom's, though... There was just no fucking way that I was going to risk upsetting Jason on THAT day of all days by popping up. Have you ever stolen someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, we never actually dated, but you could say that... Tell me the date of your first kiss. I don't know the exact date, but it was March 2012. Are your legs long or short? Normal, I guess? How many phobias do you have? Man, a lot. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you use the Facebook chat often? Barely at all. I only really use it to chat with Girt on the rare occasion we talk. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? I discovered Mark on my own; I needed help in an Amnesia: The Dark Descent custom story, so I found his playthrough and watched it. Got a few laughs, subscribed. It was Jason who introduced me to Amnesia, though, so I can indirectly thank him, I guess? haha Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? No. Have you ever lived with a friend? Yeah, for a couple months. Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No. Ever been on a real diet, or did you just stop eating? I've tried multiple diets. Have you ever known a white supremacist? I know multiple. Welcome to the South. Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yesss. It's funny because I hate the food itself. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? Yeah. It's not rare, if I'm being honest. How many times have you been to the ER? Too many times because of being suicidal. How many people are you currently texting? None. Anything exciting coming up? My nephew's birthday is in a few days! Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money, so I can use it for anything. Do you have Instagram? I have three, ha ha. One for my basic photography, another for my morbid photos, and I went through a very short phase of having an Instagram for my pets. It still exists, but I don't really use it. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Hot dogs or hamburgers? Cheeseburgers may possibly be my favorite food. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? I do. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? I've owned plenty of black cats. What album is the last song you listened to from? It's from Disguise. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Probably Elf. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. I only remember the month of my dad's. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? I think I want to get my tribute to Teddy next. How do you feel about band tattoos? Hey, go for it. I see nothing wrong with it. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Probably snakebites. Lip piercings in general are hot lmao. Are you any good at applying make up? Noooo, my hands are so shaky. How old were the last 3 people you kissed? Sara's 23; idr the exact ages of Girt and Tyler. I think Tyler was a year younger than me, and Girt is at the bare minimum three years older than me. If you found out you got someone pregnant, what would you do? Well, I'm a cisgender female, so... Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? Very frequently. Do you like your cell phone? I mean it's fine, but I'd like a new one. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No, it's actually my least favorite. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Oh god, no. Do people think you’re happy? I think it's safe to say most people who know me know I'm clinically depressed. Or you know... maybe not. Quite a few people have been surprised to learn that about me because I can put on a good facade. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? None, honestly. That's way too long. What was your worst childhood experience? I guess my dad's alcoholism. As a child, I thought it was a normal thing, but I do wonder if my fear of men has anything to do with how volatile drinking had a 50/50 chance of making him. He never hurt anyone, but he was just so mad and hateful towards the world sometimes. You can trade another person’s emotions for your own. Whose do you take? I have no idea. What was/is going to be your first waltz at your wedding? That'll depend on my partner and what song means the most to us/fits us best. "When It's Love" by Van Halen has been a consideration for forever, though. When it’s not summer, what do you miss most about it? I hate summer. I miss nothing about it. Do you consider yourself patriotic? No. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? Feel like I accomplished something notable. Do you consider yourself mainstream? No. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing on cold medicine. What is life’s greatest mystery? Probably from whence we came. Humanity has fished for a definite answer forever. What was your favourite make-believe game as a kid? Pretending I was a meerkat hiding in a "burrow" that was a blanket fort, ha ha. Do you try your best at everything? Honestly, no. Who is your shoulder to cry on? My mom, without fail. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? I dunno... it depends on the topic. Name the most beautiful person you know. As far as physical appearance goes, my friend Alon. Have you ever been to jail? No. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? Sara's face when I surprised her at her house for her birthday. It was absolutely fucking priceless. What place holds the most memories for you? Jason's house. Who was your first date? My puppy dog-love middle school bf Aaron. We went with a group of friends to a skating rink. My first one-on-one date was Jason. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? The zoo in 5th grade. It's the one and only time I've seen meerkats. For some weird reason, our zoo moved the meerkats not long after that visit. I THINK they said the environment just wasn't suitable for them, which I never really got... I think they mentioned the cold, but like, you have heating for them, and also, have you ever experienced a desert night? You consider all the other areas that have meerkats in their zoos and it's like... why, man. Bring my meerkats back. ;_; What do you think the earth will look like in 1,000 years? Oh dear God, I do NOT want to visualize that. My gut tells me it'll be a wasteland, probably without humans or most forms of life we have now. We have to get our shit straight, so very badly. I could rant for hours about how horribly and ungratefully we abuse our planet. Who makes you happy to be around? Sara! I feel like I can be my 100% authentic self, and we just vibe really well together. Like every time I've been there and she here, our friendship felt so natural and chill. I really, really need to save up for another trip up there. What secret have you tried to hide but it got out anyway? I kept the Joel situation to myself from pretty much everyone, but it eventually came out in front of Mom and Jason. It was actually the night of the breakup; I don't remember how it was relevant at all to mention, but I did in some form. Mom wisely never asked about it, and Jason obviously didn't. I was a stupid 12-year-old anyway, it's whatever now. Who/what is your everything? I will never. Ever. In five billion millennia. Let anyone be that again. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Ummm three? I think that's it. How many exes do you have? If I include everyone who ever had a title of "boyfriend/girlfriend," I have six. Who was your worst relationship with? Tyler. It was just pointless and the result of nothing but loneliness. What’s your ‘label’? (ex. punk, prep) I really, really don't care. Do you swear? How much? Like a sailor. I swore some beforehand, but I got really bad when Jason and I started dating. He swore a lot, and his mother did even more. I was around them as much as possible, so it rubbed off on me. What is the one thing that would make everything in your life fall apart? Losing my family, like being disowned or something like that. Especially when it comes to Mom. I rely on her so heavily, as much as I hate that. :/ What takes your breath away? Nature is very capable of that. Something like seeing big waterfalls in the mountains or something would marvel me. Are you patient? No, honestly. Are you a good dancer? No. Even when I took dance, I don't think I was great; however, I do think I was pretty skilled at clogging. Who would you call first in a life-threatening situation (not 911)? My mom. Who do you miss? Jason and his family, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Emily, Journee... a lot of people. Do you like snakes? I adore snakes.

[jlf23tumble]

My 1D-related fic faves of 2019

I've read a TON of great fic this year in all kinds of fandoms, Jeeeeeeeeeesus, there are so many talented writers out there, but I won't list it all here (or even list everything I bookmarked this year). Instead, I'm gonna stick with 1D-related works released in 2019 that pulled me in hard and made me stare at the wall and/or read again and/or scream about with other people, and I'll try to do it in cutesie number order because WHY NOT make it that extra level of arbitrary, lmao. I love fanfic because no matter what fandom I'm dipping in, something new is gonna jump up and kill me (this year in particular, I've subscribed to a lot of "new to me" writers that I LOVE, and I hope you know who you are [do you know who you are, etc.]). Thank you for the free gifts, for your time, for your blood, sweat, and tears! I owe you hugs, coffee, and my undying love, gratitude, and support! I'll put my list under the cut to avoid some v. v. real screen scroll rage--happy new year, y'all!

2 lactation kink fics

(aka the Jaerie category, nobody else is out there writing this even as Harry's tits get bigger and milkier and why am I the only one fully appreciating all of it?????)

I Think You're Already Home, by jaerie, Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. (a December gift to remember for all of us! a/b/o dynamics, famous Louis, omega Harry--which is practically canon at this point--crippling agoraphobia, lactation-related sexiness, I would read at least ten (10) more chapters of this)

freaks from the internet, by jaerie. Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. (I legit can't believe this came out this year, I rec it all the time! it was anon for forever, and I was low-key obsessed because I just wanted mawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of it, and I got it, thank CHRIST)

3 fics for meeeeeeee

(These works were gifts to me, and I am so truly hashtag blessed to receive!!!)

I Just Wanna Taste It, by @homosociallyyours​. In his mind it's watermelon and sticky strawberry sweet, and he craves the feeling of his own round, firm belly warm under his hands on a summer evening. (Megan loves to kill me with Harry mpreg imaginings, and this one feels like canon to me!)

Powerless (and I Don't Care It's Obvious), by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain​. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (AND YET!!! I don't even know where to start with how much I love Phoenix, what a treasure her work is in ANY fandom, how shitty this particular fandom has been to her, how much I'm gonna miss harry/louis fic gifts from her in the future, how HOT this pee kink fic is in general, dot dot dot)

Tuxedo Classic Dance Party, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Instead of flying out to meet his touring boyfriend in Madrid, Louis sticks around to be responsible and do things like dance at Lady Gaga night at the gay cowboy club in West Hollywood. (Blake has written at least five fics in various fandoms that I would say are my favorite fics of all time, but they really topped themselves with this one!)

4 fic series

(I feel like there are probably loads more that qualify, but these ones grabbed me in their own particular way)

Not That Gone, by abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow​. Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up. (this was inspired by Chris Evans, and both parts stand on their own, tbh)

Maybe I Miss You, by 13ways. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (from the very first story in this series, I was HOOKED, canon angst that builds up to something truly wonderful)

There's something I want to try..., by TheMagicWord. Harry wants to try something. Louis's not convinced. Until he is. (the installments are super short, super hot)

One More Time Again, by orphan_account. On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right. (I'm sad that this author orphaned, but I seem to recall her getting a TON of shit, which is unfortunate because this is a great read, and part two is an imagining where Louis goes back instead)

5 fics featuring holidays

(These ones are basically from Christmas and Halloween of this year, so quite recent!!)

once bitten and twice shy, by @pinkcords​. In a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. (the notes on this one blew me away: first-time author, pinch-hitting for a fest, and damn, a knock out)

you've set my soul to dreaming, by we_are_the_same. Thirty-year-old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall. (I'm not always into this trope, but when it's done well? NICE, and this one did it well)

when half spent was the night, by @juliusschmidt​. I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit. (girl direction advent fic with pregnant Louis that’s incredibly well done, especially given how short it is, I was so sad to see it end, but the author says something about act II coming??? YES!!!)

Fictober 2019 Collection, by flowercrownfemme/ @lesbianiconharrystyles​. Features lots of monsters and creatures and Harry Styles being a general nightmare as well as a few Girl Direction drabbles and a timestamp for Fool For You and one for Treat Mothman With Kindness. (Chloe's Halloween drabbles, each of which could outrival other stories 4x the length...she's a GIFT)

Cat & Mouse, by jaerie. It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated. (I'm not a big hybrid fic fan, BUT GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD, it's so short I wanna cry, but so good!!!)

6 a/b/o fics

(I can handle "traditional" a/b/o if it gives me my dose of omega Harry, but I absolutely adore "untraditional" a/b/o, you know, where it actually is NOT about straight dynamics being put on a m/m or f/f couple (excuse me, a/a or o/o)...these ones NAIL IT, as did the entire gaybo ficfest)

violence of my own touch, by 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis​. Louis hasn’t said anything, but Harry knows something is wrong. Harry’s rut had ended a few days ago, and Louis had kept him under as best as he could. (whenever I read Chi's alpha/alpha fics, I find myself internally screaming "CHI!!!" god, do they Get It, and I really hope they continue this one!)

Amor Victorious, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Louis finds himself following Harry on a journey through Italy, complete with long train rides, greasy food, naked Christs, and too many lingering touches. They're definitely not like other tourists and he definitely doesn't have a crush on his best friend who happens to be an alpha, too. (this one came out during Thanksgiving week, so I held it to savor, and BOY, DID I SAVOR, it's so incredible, the gorgeous writing, the visceral, indescribable feeling of reading it, sighhhhhhh)

do you know me by heart, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Harry comes back wearing alphas' scents, a pleased smile and a lace dress. Somehow, Louis still ends up making him come until he cries. (for me personally, 2019 was the year of Nina: getting to know them, catching up on all their writing, falling in love with the way they can kill us all with beautiful angst and the hint and hope of redemption...here's a tissue, you'll need it!!)

the way that you're thrilling me, by @hereforlou​. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them. (this is just one of the many, MANY faves I had from the gaybo ficfest, A+ all around)

Constant Debauchery, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings. (Blake knows how to sum up their writing, lol, but YEAH, me as at least one of the comments both public and private saying they'd want to read 100k more of this)

how many nights did I crash against the waves, by Blake/ @newleafover​ Louis is going into heat and Harry thinks it's hot. (the SKILL of writing something that's 1.7k, yet builds a complete--and v. v. hot--world)

7 fics with Harry and someone else

(I still have a few I need to read in this category--I'm getting there! But these are some from my fave authors that really had me pondering some walls [heh])

I Want Your Belly, by @glasscushion​. Harry wants Adam to knock him up. Inspired by on-stage thirst, the Instagram Stories Shirt, Watermelon Sugar, and Harry’s persistent baby fever. (Adam/Harry, mpreg kink of the finest order!!)

Rachel, Nevada, by @vondrostes​. Harry has a close sexual encounter of the fourth kind. (Jeff/Harry, Rachel/Harry, and I honestly can't even BEGIN to describe this, holy WOW)

Sea Salt, by @glasscushion​. Nick's drunk, and he can't avoid his feelings forever. Set in 2013 and 2019. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles...the grylers I know had an absolute field day in terms of angst, damn!)

all my lies are safe beside you now, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. They both know what it was like to love Louis Tomlinson fiercely, irrevocably, ghosts of it on their skin, even if the traces were etched in vastly different ways. (Zayn/Harry, and FOR REAL, this is a huge ouch)

call me anything you like, but my name is, by @wishforwishes​. Some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (Harry/CHASM, essentially; LISTEN, I am obsessed with this fic, you don't need to read part one to really Get It, but the bits with Zayn, and James/Ben, and all the parts with Harry working through gender? SO GODDAMNED REAL)

Come Out and Play, by @dinosaursmate​. Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (ot5 orgy, so not really Harry with anyone so much as everyone with everyone, and let's call this one canon)

Like a Rolling Stone, by @vondrostes​. By the end of it, Nick realised his tea had gone cold in his hand. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles)

8 canon fics

(This was a VERY hard category to narrow down, but yeah, a big push this year from "newer" writers = lots of nuanced fic)

Per Aspera, by @sedfierisentio​. Louis’s throat feels tight, his heart like a hammer in his chest. You know my rot, he thinks, and I know yours. I love you still. (these achingly beautiful time stamps are centered around taste, and if this fic has taught me anything, it's that buying an author a coffee has a ripple effect)

A Nullo Amato, by @sedfierisentio​. Inspired by Harry carrying books around outside LAX, a canon-compliant, Canon AU fic set between 2014 and 2015; mostly, timestamps roped together by a common theme—literature. (this was removed four years ago and reposted, so maybe it's a cheat??? i don't care, it was brand-new to me and a lot of other people, I'm so glad the author shared it again!)

no love like your love, by @dykes4louis​. A collection of tumblr drabbles. (Hima is REALLY burying the lede on this one because each of these is short and SCORCHING, her skill, check out her other works, too!)

Dancing in My Dreams, by @kingsofeverything​. Louis doesn't mean to imply that Harry's too old to dance for him, but Harry takes it that way, and sets out to prove him wrong. (this is one that *could* go in the series pile, but I love it as a standalone...feels like canon to me, regardless!)

Sonic Sounds, by @glasscushion​. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say "really wet." Or Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (I'll never look at those One Direction electric toothbrushes quite the same way again)

Bruised Fruit, by @glasscushion. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (hey, you know what, me, too, bitch, you ain't special...the way this fic SMELLS, my god, I"m obsessed)

be my once in a lifetime, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (can u believe Nina wrote this before Fine Line???)

in this dress, by cabinbythesea. Louis is so lost in his eyes and his words he feels if a step above heaven exists, it has to be Harry. Loosely inspired by Harry’s dress from the director’s cut of Lights Up. (I sure hope we see even more fic inspired by every bit of this album/every video it produces)

9 fics by Phoenix/ @alienfuckeronmain

(This fandom doesn't deserve her, and I hope everyone's reading her other works because they're all so amazing, she's such an incredibly gifted writer, my fave of faves, my life is so much brighter with her in it...I could rec her all goddamned day, and I do slash will!!! Here are nine she cranked out this year, each one a gem in its own way)

Silver White Winters. In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down, aka, a Sound of Music AU (the shittiness in the comments underlines why we can't have nice things, but jesus CHRIST, this is so pure and good, and she cranked it out in, like, two hours)

I don't do that dance. Harry is easily the worst ballet dancer in her whole Intro to Ballet class. Except maybe Taylor Swift. (I adore how Phoenix writes girl Harry, but the way she writes Taylor? Unparalleled...nails her perfectly!)

magic, madness, heaven, sin, by @kerasines. It’s the flashing lights painting colors on her eyelids, it’s the drumming bass competing with her heartbeat. It’s the manic energy rippling through the crowd in waves, the deafening, frenzied passion filling the stadium that remind Eleanor that she actually used to like going to concerts. (technically, this one is FOR Phoenix, from Kim, but it takes a pairing that Phoenix is making her very own, so I'm counting it, lol)

Snakes and Stones. If you call a girl a snake enough, sometimes she becomes one. Her legs lengthen and fuse, her pupils shrink to slits. She gets colder and colder, until she has to spread herself on the warm cement beside the pool, soaking in heat, sipping gin and tonics to warm her blood so she does not turn to ice and shatter to bits. (god, I'm blanking on this ship name, but El/Taylor is such an inspired pairing, and I hope that P's drabbles make it over to ao3 in full)

Something good (will come from here). Taylor does not answer, because she is too busy licking her lips and pitching forward, as if Eleanor is the sky, or the sea. (you can practically SMELL this fic, El/Taylor drabble)

I Must Confess (I Still Believe). Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever. (this fic breaks my heart, the entire experience of its production and aftermath will forever be bittersweet, a gorgeous swansong)

Only One at the Finish Line. “I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel. (Phoenix was the gaybo mod, and this was her contribution, and it is PERFECTION PERSONIFIED, fest goals)

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park. The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse. (a very good year in general for Princess Park clapbacks)

Life Saver. Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry? (this one came out a year ago tomorrow, and it had a tough birthing process, but it's so good, so hot, my love for virgin Harry gettin’ it on knows no bounds)

10 AU fics

(yes, yes, this could be LOADS longer, but I’m sticking to my theme!)

breathless for an eternity, by cabinbythesea. Harry conquers double duty on SNL and Louis wishes he was Nick Jonas. (dangggg, this came out too late for me to rec it along with my other snl-related fic, but it joins that lofty canon!)

Pretty Baby, by @littlelouishiccups. Louis helps Harry unwind after a busy week. (I was NOT expecting a new chapter in the iconic sugar baby Harry series, but HERE WE ARE)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo. Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey. (this is one of my all-time fave fics, and I'm not sure what changed in it to get it reposted, but yeah, HERE FOR IT, THANK YOU!!!)

'Sup, by @mediawhorefics. All Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him. ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis. (this is so short but so tantalizing, GOD, DO I WANT MORE OF THIS UNIVERSE)

Tan Lines and Some Memories, by twoshipstiedup. Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him. A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person. (I honestly thought we'd get more unicorn shirt fic, but this is a wonderful standard-bearer, banter city)

Bitter Tangerine, by purpledaisy/ @daisyharry. Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas. (so much ouch in this, but wow, do you feel like you're reading fully realized, realistic, growing characters)

We're Driving in Your Fast Car, by @sadaveniren. Harry felt himself light up - both with excitement and the thrill of getting what he wanted. “Really?” “Of course, anything for you." aka Louis and Harry are car thieves about to pull off a million dollar job. (another one I'd love to read more of...how did they get here, where are they going, etc.)

remember you well, by @fondleeds. Harry’s a criminal, Louis’ a cop, and they’re stranded overnight at the Motel 6. (what's with me and my love of heist/caper fics this year?)

Tied Down, by HamPalpert/ @ham-palpert. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (SEE ABOVE, JESUS, I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC...ALL...THE.......TIME)

Harry Styles Cooks..., by sunsetmog. Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (yeah, it's a wip, yeah, I flatline every time it updates, what of it, I'm living my best life vicariously through it!!)

[unabashedrebel]

Top 10 Characters

In no particular order

1) Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) Can I just say that I love how the reboots, both the movie and the new trilogy of games were phenomenal as a long time fan of this character? They did her right. They focused on her origins, how she came to be this mythic Tomb Raider who delves into the greatest mysteries of the world while fighting against an evil Illuminati type organization.

But she always has tenacity. She always has grit. She’s not always sure of herself, or her abilities, but still continues to do it anyways because it’s the right thing to do. Not to mention I love the whole cultured rich girl who gets her hands dirty literally all the time. I’ve loved everything about her characterization in the last few years.

2) Really the entire FF7 cast but; Tifa Lockhart (FF7) Is anyone actually surprised by this one? Look at my blog. It’s pretty Tifa-rific lately. Honestly I have no good excuse for this, I can’t actually trace back what the reason was that started me on really liking her character. Basically because she’s been my video game wife since I was about 10 years old.

I guess, if I really thought about it, I enjoy her realness. She’s an optimist but not fully in your face about it, she promotes kindness, she’s the mom friend. Always looking out for everyone else at the expense of herself. They’re traits that I really admire in people, and you know what? It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that maybe those feelings were in part brought on by a video game character from my childhood. Not only that but I’ve always loved the story thread with her about the conflict she faces in doing what she believes is the right thing, and the fallout that ensues.

Not only that but she’s a fucking badass.

3) Spider-Man (Peter Parker, Marvel) Shout to to the most relatable super-hero ever created. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Spider-man is a staple of New York, even if he’s fictional. He’s just... boiled down to that essence of a Queens kid. It’s amazing as someone from around this area.

But seriously, I think I like Peter the most because he really is relatable. He really does worry about the same things I find myself worrying about. He really does shoot out quips like that’s his super power. He really does try and do whats right regardless of what others think. He’s conflicted, he’s unsure of himself, he’s been granted this great power and feels the need to go out and help people with it, and again at great personal expense. He’s, to me? What a hero should be.

I guess I like him so much because I see a lot of myself in him. I can relate and put myself in those shoes. I can relate my experiences to his, and i’m not talking about getting bit by a radioactive spider. I’m talking about the human side to Peter Parker. His stresses when he’s out of the tights.

4) Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher, and again I love all the characters Geralts just tops. Ciri was a close second.) Yeah, yeah call me out and say ‘someone just binged’. YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I DID FOR THE SECOND TIME YOU CANT STOP ME.

Seriously though. For a character who does not like being social? Geralt is so beautifully written for. Fun fact, I haven’t actually played the games save for the half way through 2 and the intro to 3. But I read the first novel and I’m working my way through the second, and Geralt? He’s a man of few words. But when he does speak? Everybody fucking listens.

5) Kassandra (AC: Odyssey) Uhhhh, first women to win the wrestling Olympics? How could I not.

As a long time fan of Assassins Creed and the wonderfully written characters that I have been lucky enough to get to know as protagonists? Kassandra takes the cake. She was blunt, sassy, smart, and took nobodies shit. Forever has she branded the word Misthios in my head with that Greek twang. To the point where I get excited when I hear it.

Maybe it was a mix of being in the Ancient Greek world with her, another one of my favorites. But there was just something about her character that stuck out to me. Something I haven’t seen in their writing since Ezio.

6) Joel (The Last of Us) How the fuck could I not love the gruff and sad dad?

Dude the characters in this game were so insanely well done. Like you could literally tell that, besides the fact that it was an amazingly fun game? The dev team TRULY cared about the story, the reception, and the buildup.

Lets be real. That first scene with him when everything starts is about as heartbreaking as it comes. It sets you up to really accept that this man has lost everything, that he no longer cares about anything but survival, because he’s already learned that when you care? Those things can be easily taken away.

He’s cold. He’s quick. He’s capable. He’s ignorant to everyone else. Right up until he meets Ellie and that little girl begins to peel back the layers and show that Joel, under it all, is actually a pretty good guy who has been dealing with his trauma by building up walls.

All and all? I would recommend anyone playing this game just to see the transition of Joel. Ellie, as well, by no small measure. But Joel’s growth was one of my favorite things to ever watch unfold in a game.

7) Revan (Star Wars) Okay so I know this ones a bit obscure. He was actually featured as a protagonist of one of Star War, in my opinion, best roleplaying games. 

Basically I love this character because I think he actually GETS the whole thing. The cults. He doesn’t really subscribe to either of them, rather he’s used them to further his own goals. Which you know, as an RPG you get to chose, usually I like to chose he did what he did for the right reasons. Because the Jedi were failing the people they had to protect. Because he couldn’t stand by and watch a war be fought while they deliberated what to do. He never fully reasoned with the Sith, and as far as I knew didn’t quite care to share their extremist values. Frankly, he’s by far been the best representation to what I feel is a very opinionated debate in Star Wars: Why chose either side? They both suck in their own ways.

He saw passed all that, started a movement, started a war of ideologies when the universe was still young enough to hear those kinds of debates play out.

His story will forever be one of my absolute favorites in Star Wars.

8) Ahsoka Tano (Star Wars) If you haven’t watched the Clone Wars animated series and you’re a fan of Star Wars? What the fuck are you doing. This character alone is enough to justify the 7 season watch.

The Padawan of Anakin Skywalker. How can that go wrong, right? Actually, Ahsoka is one of the reasons I began to like Anakin in the first place. The whole series shows a different side to characters we love, honestly, you got to see Anakin be the best Jedi general anyone had ever seen. You got to see him train this young woman into an incredible Jedi, and honestly? The younger sister relationship that Ahsoka has with Anakin is just so well done.

But beyond that there’s so much to love about Ahsoka. If you haven’t caught the theme, I really do love strong characters who still have flaws. Who still have a lot to learn. Who make mistakes. But even after she had, never once did Ahsoka give up on what she believed in. Her values, in the end, proving to be stronger to her then the values instilled by the Jedi, even if they aligned.

My favorite thing is that you got to see her journey, literally from a learning padawan to a fully fledged Jedi badass. 

If we don’t get an Ahsoka series on Disney+ I’m gonna be pissed.

9) Nathan Drake (Uncharted) Cheeky rogue with a heart of gold that often gets by on sheer luck alone.

Need I say more?

10) Tanjiro Kamado (Demon Slayer) Okay, so don’t really expect many people to know this one.This character is the main protagonist in an anime that has literally taken all my attention. From the animation, to the story, to the undeniable ways in inspires me to write Sori.

Tanjiro, perhaps, is the driving force behind this. I just love this kid okay? He started out as NOTHING. Literally, nothing. He fought against overwhelming odds, knowing full well he would die, to save his sister. And in that moment? The person he was fighting let him go. He then sent him down the path of becoming a demon slayer.

This kid, who as far as I know was part of a large family of commoners gave everything he had to training his body to fight demons. Every time he stumbled, he found the strength to continue. He never gives up. He learns, he thinks, he’s a smart kid with this absolute bottomless well of determination.

I don’t want to ruin the plot of the anime too much because honestly this has been my favorite thing since Dragonball Super. You should go watch it. I promise you will understand right off the bat why I love this character so much.

I was tagged by: @serelia-evensong​ @safrona-shadowsun

Gonna tag: @draenei-tales​ @wildname​ @zeehva​ @ravensteel​ @fair-fae​ @monster-of-master​ @palaceofthedeadmemes​ @zariasilverleaf​ @starforger​ @asharinhun​ 

I’m also not sorry this is a long post. How dare you ask me to talk about shit I love.

[cleoxortiz]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐨.

( cindy kimberly, cis female ) hey ! have you seen CLEO ORTIZ around ? SHE works as a BARTENDER at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO WEEKS. they tend to be AMBITIOUS & AUDACIOUS, but can also be VEXING & HUBRISTIC. the other employees have labeled them THE HELLKITE. thanks a lot ! ( the sound of stilettos against marble floors, a menacing smile worn on red lips, the glimmering lights of the manhattan skyline, a silent eye-roll that cuts deeper than words ) [ jocey, 23, est, she/her ]

it’s ya girl jocey and i’m so excited for all the fluffy holiday cUTeNesS! apologizing in advance for the terror that is cleo. she is truly the worst™. but i love the grinch stole christmas, so y’kNOW WHAT? this felt v fitting ok sdkgkgjk. so hit that subscribe like button if ya wanna plot & we can chitty chat on discord!

name : cleo valentina ortiz age : twenty-one sexuality : pansexual hometown : new york city, new york job : bartender at the avalanche pub

━ the ortiz’s didn’t always have a net worth of millions. with humble beginnings in catalonia, spain, the family moved to america a couple generations ago to expand their winery business. it was only then did the family-run business grow by producing, shipping and selling their premium wine brand. eventually they got into the nightlife entertainment business as well, through acquiring and running several bars, clubs and lounges all around america.

━  as the second and youngest child born to miguel and selena, it was never in the books for cleo to take over the family business. a traditional man, her father had always groomed her older brother, adrian, to be his successor. her father’s bias always left her feeling bitter and resentful, and only drove her ambitions and determination to prove him wrong. the more he kept her at arm’s length, the more driven she was to find an in.

━ unfortunately, her mother, a socialite/philanthropist herself, also had different plans for cleo - something along the lines of becoming a debutante and her daughter following in her footsteps. from being forced into piano lessons, ballet and etiquette classes, she absolutely despised the person her family wanted to mold her into. both stubborn in wanting to get their way, cleo and her mother’s differences pulled their mother-daughter relationship further and further apart.

━  even her mom’s passing when she was 14 did little to change cleo’s opinion in the matter. she claimed she didn’t care about the woman’s death, nor did it affect her whatsoever, and she will gladly tell anyone that. but the fact that she currently attended columbia university, her mom’s alma mater, may hint at something different.

━  a hustler with an alpha bitch mentality, she’s always outsmarting people and outsmarting the system to get things to work in her favour. and when that didn’t work, no one could ever say no to a big fat wad of cash. because cleo ortiz never loses. she doesn’t just play the game, she owns it, makes the rules and wins. every. damn. time. does she think she’s better than everyone? without a doubt. does she care about anyone other than herself? not a chance. if it ever appeared that she did, then chances are, it’s only to benefit herself somehow.

━  cleo swears by the belief that playing by the rules was for suckers and if you weren’t the best, then you were nothing at all. and sometimes being the best required playing dirty. if she has to ruin someone else’s life to get her way, then she will gladly pour a jug of gasoline, light a match and enjoy watching it go up in flames. hell, more often than not, she’ll do that just purely for her own enjoyment. because if she has to be bitter and miserable, then why shouldn’t everyone else be too?

━  with that mentality, it’s no surprise that cleo came up with a scheme to sabotage her father’s newest business deal with the owner of big bear resort. the ortiz family had been vacationing there since she was little, so it was only right that they expanded their business roots there as well. unfortunately, cleo screwed herself over with her own ambition and the scheme more or less blew up in her face. 

━  in an attempt to salvage the partnership, cleo was given an ultimatum - work at the resort, or face the legal repercussions and risk losing her trust fund. she didn’t have to think twice about which option to go with. working at the resort would just give her twice as many opportunities to sabotage the deal, yet again. and this time, she didn’t plan on leaving until she succeeded. the only minor obstacle was having to actually work while she was here, but how hard could bartending be, right??

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BEST FRIEND ━  someone who can put up with cleo’s awfulness, or maybe they’re just as awful as she is. this is probably one of the few people she’s actually relatively soft for ( not that she’d ever admit it ), will always have their back & will probably? let her guard down for. gimme some soft bestie feels for this cold bitch.  taken by kieran rhodes, caleb xu PARTNER-IN-CRIME  ━  i’m sure even satan has a little devil on his shoulder, so cleo needs one too. basically they like to stir up all kinds of trouble together, both fueling each other’s vices.  taken by ian moon, harper delgado MORAL CONSCIENCE  ━  does cleo even have a moral compass? your guess is as good as mine. this is someone she is more likely to listen to and could try to sway her from doing, y’know, ~*just cleo things*~. kind of like the angel on her shoulder. often tries to get her to just be a decent human being. the cindy lou to her grinch if you will LOL??  taken by aylie greer BAD INFLUENCE  ━  someone cleo is a bad influence on. she’s the little devil on their shoulder and manipulates convinces them to do ~*just cleo things*~ with her. after all, she needs to entertain herself somehow while she’s stuck here esgjdgkgk.  taken by claire beauvard ON/OFF  ━  they’ve been in this on-and-off relationship for what’s felt like forever and  they have their moments, but didn’t always get along. despite that, they just keep coming back to each other for their own reasons.  taken by marco di angelo ENEMIES  ━  homegirl can piss off a lot of people just for shits and giggles, nor does she care to be likeable and personable, so i’m sure she’s got a hella long list of enemies/people she rubs the wrong way. also people she’s sabotaged, fucked over and manipulated to get her way? plz.  taken by kamille osman, theodora kwon CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ━  they’ve known each other since they were kids, probably met when cleo’s family visited big bear. they can still be friendly, not get along at all, or maybe it’s an ex-friend situation. UNWANTED CHILD  ━  cleo somehow ended up being this person’s very reluctant mom friend. she hates it, she does not want to deal with them, and yet she’ll still go pick up their drunk ass at 4am. she’s all about tough love, so while she may be super harsh and hard on them, she does it because she cares ( not that she’d ever actually admit to caring ).  taken by leo takanashi UNLIKELY/ACCIDENTAL FRIENDS  ━ they shouldn’t get along, but somehow they just do and their friendship works. not typically someone cleo would see herself being friends with, but one way or another, an accidental friendship of sorts developed.  taken by callie macdermot, nadia perez, ivan anderson MUTUAL ANNOYANCE ━  they annoy each other to no end and just live for pushing each other’s buttons. not quite a hatred, but some days, it’s pretty darn close. maybe there’s some sexual tension involved cuz that’s always the good shiet.  taken by axel schaefer HOOK-UPS/FWBS ━  self-explanatory. a girl’s got needs. whether she actually likes you as a person or not, if you’re hot, then you’ll do the job. rip why is she like this. we can make it angsty or not because tbh cleo can be pretty possessive sometimes, so y’knOW.  taken by roman walsh

okay, that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. some plots i’m open for multiple characters to fill, unless it has been crossed out. and ofc, i’m always open to new ideas too!

[aba-ridemerenji]

Okay.... So I love Kisuke and Shunsui. 😍😍 How about some NSFW for them and the reader? Separate if possible. Please and thank you! PS: You are awesome!

AYYYYYYY thanks anon! I love me some pervy bros, and no matter how objectively sexy these two are, you can’t deny they’re definitely HUGE, leery ass perverts – with no shame and/or qualms about it! Of course, it helps that they’re gorgeous as hell. LET THERE BE SMUT!

(this gif is absolute sin, btw)

KisukeSo many toys, so much time

The man is an inventor so pls prepare yourself for some very special inventions that Kisuke will somehow manage to beta test on you, whether you like it or not

He’ll start with improving the toys you own #ActsOfService

One week your go-to vibrator suddenly has 5 more intensity settings?

The next all the shitty jelly toys in your nightstand have been replaced with quality silicone ones in the same shape and size??

And now the ears on your jackrabbit can mOvE???

Discovering this one was kinda funny because you were nice and settled in Kisuke’s bedroom, waiting for him to finish up some work in the next room

So you’re going to town with your toy, ah, warming up for the events to follow, when you feel movement on your clit

Kisuke can barely contain his snorts of laughter when he hears the crescendo of realisation in your very unladylike ‘…whattHEFUCK?!?!’ through the thin paper of the shoji doors

Did I say it was funny? I meant funny for him, less so for you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Soon he’s inventing brand new toys for his amusement

For the most part you’re down for them but he’ll find some way to trick/convince/seduce you into trying out even the more dubious ones

One of the most ambitious things he ever did was - you guessed it - putting a gigai of himself to work (come on. ‘Inflatable gigai’ PLSSSSS KUBO U DIDNT EVEN TRY WITH THAT ONE)

He texts you as you finish work - [Hurry home, birthday girl.] A lewd picture. His kosode thrown open, right hand vanishing under his pants, gripping himself. And worst (best?) of all, the tip of his flushed, pink head peeking oh so slightly above the hem of his pants.

Why did you have to open that text on the train?

Your embarrassment from the train has turned to irritation by the time you step into the living room, and Kisuke’s stupid grin isn’t helping. Neither is the fact that he’s now fully clothed again.

He tries to placate you with wandering hands and soft kisses on your neck.

“Maybe next time, try and warn me so I don’t traumatise innocent people on the train with a half-naked picture of my boyfriend?”

His laugh is muffled into your collarbone but it vibrates through your entire body

It’s getting harder to stay angry, especially when his leg is pushing between yours, hands pushing your top off your shoulders.

Kisuke kisses down the centre of your chest and you grab his hat, tossing it across the room without looking

“Hey, that’s my favourite hat.” The voice came from right behind your ear.

Instinctively, you wriggle in panic, hands reaching for Kisuke at the intrusion.

But after a split second it registers – that was Kisuke’s voice. And Kisuke’s body, pressed against your back. While Kisuke was also still pressed against your front?

Kisuke #2 snakes a hand around, under your skirt, under your underwear, dipping into your folds.

Somehow, you manage to get a snippy remark in even as Kisuke #1 works your breasts and Kisuke #2 works your sopping pussy

You lean your head backwards on his chest and look up at him, giving the best shit-eating grin you can manage. “A fucking- ah! Blow up- doll- ahh- that’s my- my- birthday present?”

The look of surprise on the real Kisuke’s face is priceless. Your grin widens, even as you let out breathy little exhales. Yup. Still got it.

Kisuke #1 releases a nipple from his mouth. “I resent that,” he whines with a pout.

“Get back to work, Kisuke 1.” You order the gigai, pushing his head back down to your chest.

Kisuke chuckles into your ear. “So mean, princess. Maa, it is your birthday, after all.”

“Damn right, Kisuke 2.”

ShunsuiNaptime or faptime? The struggle is real.

Ok so Shunsui is lazy as fuck right? So I HC that regular naps are an integral part of the Kyoraku Shunsui 10-step program

But naps are just step 2

Step 1, the most important step, is regular copulation

“It’s an excellent stress reliever, petal.” w o w  breaking news Shunsui experiences stress???? Someone call Nanao

So if you have any sort of sex dream, Shunsui wants to be the first to know

He will subscribe to that podcast no problem

Notifications on, RSS feed, whatever - you can’t combine two of his favourite things (sleep and you) and not give him a taste

If he’s around when you have the sex dream, even better

If you talk/move in your sleep AND are having a sex dream AND he’s around?

Girl

You best prepare yourself and your pussy cos like

You will suddenly understand that lazy does not = lethargic

So if you have this winning combination, Shunsui will want to rail you right then and there, but if you don’t wake up after his teasing touches, he’ll settle for telling you allll about it the following morning

He’ll find it super cute if you blush

But if you want to make him blush, just ask him to follow through next time.

He’ll waffle about a bit Are you sure Petal, Maa I couldn’t, But I want you to enjoy yourself too Flower, blah blah blah

Be firm. If you have to, say “Shunsui, I would like you to please fuck me the next time that I have a sex dream while in bed with you, thank you, kind regards, your s/o” 

The next night, there are the telltale signs of you wrapping yourself around him, rubbing against him, mewling incoherently and talking in your sleep.

Shunsui gets to work. He’ll be surprised by how into it he is, and as a result isn’t as stealthy as he’d like to be, so maybe his attentions wake you up.

Nbd, just go with it and enjoy the orgasms (yes, it may be the middle of the night, but there will be multiple ones. My mans Shunsui is just that good ;D)

Be naughty and make a special request once he’s wrung the last orgasm from you, a request that will make it hard for him to get back to sleep.

What request you ask?

Well, after making said request you’ll fall back asleep and back into your sex dream (lucky girl). Maybe it gets a little intense. A little more…vivid than usual. As your dream romp gets more strenuous, your body being repeatedly bounced up towards the headboard, and down again, you’ll slowly blink into wakefulness

And what’s the first thing you see? Shunsui sliding in and out of you smoothly, peppering your face with light kisses as your begin to stir. What a way to start the day…

“Good morning, beautiful.” His heavy lidded eyes never looked more appropriate for the situation.

Basically: ask him to wake you up with sex, thanks for coming (heh) to my ted talk

Shoutout to @buriedinbleach for the Petal nickname, I’m pretty sure you came up with this, and now i can’t think of Shunsui giving reader-chan any other nickname than that, except for Flower???

[purplesurveys]

458

Did you do anything stupid/anything you regret today? So far, no. I always end up doing something stupid at least once a day so I’m just waiting for that to happen.

Do you trust your doctor? We don’t have a family doctor but I like to think I can trust whichever doctor that winds up giving me a checkup.

Have you ever switched primary care doctors? ^

^If yes, what was the reason?

Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor just for fun? No, the floor is too hard. Sleeping on the floor is reserved for emotional breakdowns.

What's the last thing you regret spending money on? A really bad bowl of ramen at Podium. Backstory time!!! So I never liked ramen until a few weeks ago, when my uncle brought me to Mendokoro Ramenba, which is the restaurant that people say is the best ramen place in the country. And people weren’t lying, because it really was a fucking good bowl. Made me cry. Anyway, after that, I kinda increasingly had a craving for ramen and tried out a couple of other places that served it. The ones I’ve had so far just reinforced my dislike for ramen, because every other bowl I’ve tasted so far (other than the one my uncle brought me to) was terrible.

So, idk. Either ramen is really just not good–at least for me–or Mendokoro gave me extremely high standards when picking ramen. 

Do you have a youtube channel? I have one but it’s only for subscribing to channels and so that YouTube can personalize my home page according to my interests.

^If so, how many subscribers do you have? 0.

What color are your nails painted currently? If I had a dollar every time this question appeared on a survey...

Are you worried about your current financial situation? HAHAHAHA YES. Internship is DRAINING MY WALLET. I work in Ortigas, which is one of the busiest business districts in the metro. And understandably, they charge for everything. Park for five minutes? Pay up. Wanna use the bathroom? Pay up. Are you just standing aimlessly? Pay the fuck up. The last one was a joke but you get the point. Anyway, so I pay P200-P250 ($4-$5) for parking from M-F and it leaves me with little to no savings at the end of the week. I also had to stop buying food out because I had to resort to getting meals from the house. 

Yesterday I was desperate to reward myself so, with P350 left in my wallet, I bought a burger from my favorite restaurant that costs P350 exactly. I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to buy something that wasn’t a parking fee, so I said fuck it. This is the one thing I hate as an unpaid intern and I can’t wait til it’s over.

What was the last thing that made you cry? Gab and I had an honest conversation last night that lasted until 1 AM, and we both cried.

Do you know anyone who's had a stillbirth? I don’t think so, no. 

Who was the last person you know (or that you know of) that died? Kaye’s dad.

What are you looking forward to doing tomorrow? Resting, napping, sleeping. Maybe a little work here and there but I’ll be asleep for the most part.

What store did you shop at last? My girlfriend and I stopped at Filbar’s to look at Funkos and (for her) GoT stuff.

Do you need a new phone? I’m a little materialistic so I’m always wanting a new phone hahaha but no, I really don’t need a new one; my iPhone 8 is working just fine.

What's something you are behind on? SOCIAL LIFE

Name someone who has it worse than you. I don’t like this question :/ It’s a little narcissistic for me.

Do you wish you were rich? Duh, don’t we all.

Do you miss someone who treated you horribly? Nope.

Would you rather get a big tattoo or small tattoo? Small one. I used to think I can handle big tattoos though.

Are there any redheads in your family? We don’t even have brunettes nor blondes. The day we discover a redhead in the family is the day the world ends.

Do you identify as a supernatural being..i.e., unicorn, alien, goddess...?

Do you block a lot of people on Facebook? On Twitter, yes. I’m not into the Facebook culture much so I’ve never felt the need to block someone there.

What's one thing you are tired of seeing or hearing about on Facebook? Fucking Bible quotes. It’s made worse because they’re always used by hypocrites. Motivational quotes with generic graphics are just as bad.

What is a secret you have? Stared at this question for like 7 minutes only to come up with nothing haha. My secrets are either too private or too uninteresting to count as secrets.

Do you wait until the last minute to do laundry? My mom does it every Friday so that she doesn’t get behind.

Do you have any big regrets in life? Not big ones, just mini regrets here and there. And I try not to have them in the first place because I hate being stuck in a place when I could’ve just moved on and accepted my mistakes already.

What color is the sweatshirt you wear the most? Navy blue.

Do you consider yourself athletic? Not really.

What's one thing you are not? Good in calculus.

Has anyone ever bullied you while you were grieving a loss? No, but I’d be so pissed off if that happened. Like I’d have no time feeling victimized – I’d just go right ahead and be furious that someone would do that.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? Three years ago, when my school required me to get scoliosis stuff settled before they admitted me to freshman status.

How many pills do you take every morning? Zero, unless I wake up with a headache in which case I’d take one.

Do you own a designer purse? Yes.

Which twin is your favorite: Niki or Gabi? ?

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so.

Which YouTuber do you feel like you relate to the most? Dan Howell, and how timely considering the video he just put out after more than a year :3

List three people you hope to meet in Heaven. If it ends up being real, I’d like to meet my great-grandfather and my ancestors who founded the province of Bulalacao.

When was the last time you cleaned your room? Last April. I had a lot of time on my hands then. It’s gotten messy again though so I’m itching to clean it up.

Do you have a prayer partner? No.

When was the last time you went to church? Last Sunday. I’m going again tomorrow -.-

Do you know what you're wearing for the 4th of July? I don’t care for another country’s Independence Day. Especially a country that’s bullied my own for decades.

What was the last parade you went to? Last June, when we went to the Pride March.

Have you ever been in a parade, and if yes, doing what? We were...celebrating Pride? 

What is your favorite ride at the fair? I can’t handle a lot of rides, but I do love the octopus. It’s a ride that resembles...well, an octopus, and its arms go up and down and go around fast.

Do you wish you had someone you could trust? I already do.

Do you want a dog that looks like you? I’d rather not have a dog that looks like anyone.

What theme do you want for your wedding? No theme. I just want it to look elegant, classy, and classic.

What theme would you choose for a baby's nursery? I don’t think I’ll know until I’m actually getting a kid. Right now though I’m leaning towards a space/stars theme. Or animals.

What color would you paint a baby girl's nursery? Pastel pink.

Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. I never told her and I probably never will. It’s just the timing’s been lost forever hahaha.

Do you know your first crush's middle name? Her second name is Louise, but I forgot her maiden name.

What is one thing you are scared of? Setting my kitchen on fire while cooking.

How far away do you live from your favorite park? I live in the Philippines – the government does not give a shit about public places other than malls. We have no parks other than Rizal Park, and that’s 1-1.5 hours away.

What is the last thing you missed out on that you wanted to go to? My org’s alumni homecoming party last February. That day was also mine and Gab’s anniversary. I missed out on both because my dad had booked a trip that weekend.

Do you have a secret nobody knows? Yes.

Who do you wish were your best friend? I already have my two dream best friends.

Who do you wish you could go on another date with?

Name a celebrity who has your natural hair color. Vanessa Hudgens, and that’s because she’s half-Filipino haha.

Which family member did you get your height from? My mom.

What color was the last popsicle you ate? I haven’t had a popsicle in a hot minute. I had a Cornetto yesterday though! It was chocolate flavored, so it was brown.

Do you feel stupid regularly? Of course.

How do you love yourself when you feel stupid? I don’t.

What's a great piece of advice you've heard? Too lazy to rack my head for past advice I’ve heard.

Do you like your butt? Yes. 

What style of wedding dress do you want? I want something Audrey Hepburn would wear and a dress that would suit a small-chested frame.

What does your dream house look like? Minimalist, square-shaped, large windows, predominantly white.

List ten girl's names you love. Olivia, Amelia, Mia, Harper, Isabella, Ava, Scarlett, Charlotte, Elizabeth, Julianna.

List ten boy names you love. James, Jacob, Luca, Julian, Liam, Mason, Miguel, Andres, Luis, Matteo.

Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what's the baby's name? None of my friends have babies but I do have batchmates from my senior class who’ve already had their own. I don’t remember the names but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want it aired out either by their random classmate that owns a secret survey Tumblr blog either.

Are all of your friends having babies right now? I just said none of them are.

Who is the cutest baby you've seen on social media recently? Olivia and Amelia Manzano-Reyes!!! Yeah, the mom basically has the same taste in names as me :/

Do you know anyone who's given birth to twins? I know sets of twins, but I don’t know the moms who birthed them.

What's your biggest regret? I don’t really like dwelling on regrets so I always come up with nothing when asked this.

[candylani-draws]

When Evil Conquers YT - Chapter 2

Character List: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562446573/when-evil-conquers-youtube-character-list

Cover Art: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562290268/hey-peeps-im-so-excited-to-be-re-publishing

Wattpad Link: https://my.w.tt/rTElIdf6MP

Deviantart Link: https://www.deviantart.com/pandaserules97/gallery/67161703/When-Evil-Conquers-YouTube

(READ THIS FIRST!!) Important Notes: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178727812658/when-evil-conquers-yt-important-notes-about-the

Prologue Link: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178859191453/when-evil-conquers-yt-prologue

Chapter 1: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178892439558/when-evil-conquers-yt-chapter-1

WARNING - This chapter uses high levels of offensive language, including insults and nasty comments about these certain Tubers. I obviously do not hate these people, this is just for story sake. If you feel that you are going to be offended by the words here, just skip to the end. Thanks!

Anon: "Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to announce my purpose for joining this occult!"

He leans down to inspect the pages, then opens the large book to the page he was looking for, a large slam echoed the rooms. In it lies a cell phone, and he pulls it out.

Anon: "Now, as I load my information, allow me to give some context. Most of you are aware of a popular video website called 'YouTube', correct?"

Lucifer: "You mean that stupid website that forbids copyrighted material and is full of pampering, self-absorbed morons?"

Anon: "Yes, exactly! And don't forget about ad revenue!"

His YouTube app has loaded, and he begins to search, both for his content, and in his notebook.

Anon: "Now then, I have four specific specimens who I believe deserve a bit of a punishment..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, what kind of punishment?"

Leader: "Have patience, Lucifer. We cannot have anything done if we rush into it..."

Anon: "Ah, here we are!"

Anon flips over several pages and reveals a large list of names.

Anon: "For 7 years, I've putting all of my time into this YouTube matter, finding out who and what is popular during different eras, and today, I have found the perfect victims. Now, if you look at this list, it reveals YouTubers that I wish to see be taken down by my command! Most of them are the gaming community, just a heads up."

The list was insanely long, and each of the names contained some sort of extra name beside it. From the looks of it, it seemed that Anon wanted to take these Tubers and...change their names? The first 4 caught everyone's eyes.

List of Dumbasses - 2016

1. VenturianTale → Jimmy Casket

2. JackSepticEye → AntiSepticEye

3. Markiplier → Darkiplier, Yandereplier, Authorplier, Googleplier

4. Pewdiepie → Lucius-pie

Anon: "Let's see here, ah! VenturianTale, the first channel on my list! To keep this simple, I'll make a demonstration and start off with the first four names, to warm us all up. If this is a success, we continue this tradition every October!"

He pulls up a video of some brunette man wearing a blue hoodie, screaming like a girl at some stupid animatronic animal jumpscare.

Anon: "Now then, here's out first Tuber, Venturian, aka Jordan Frye, a American guy who is known for playing Gmod and has 2.43 million subscribers. Even though that's not a large number compared to other channels, it still eludes me how a man in his 20s spends his time playing stupid mods with his retarded siblings. Yes, this isn't a solo channel, he has 3 other siblings who are equally guilty of this cringeworthy dungheep."

Random Occult Member 4: "No wonder they only have less than 3 million subscribers..."

Anon: "However, there is something that caught my attention from them during my studies...on their Gmod murder series, Venturian has created an original character named 'Jimmy Casket', a crazed murderer who happens to have some sort of personality disorder. It's a long, boring story as to why that is, but the point is...whenever Jordan plays as Jimmy, it seems to be one of the few times he goes insane and turns into someone else...someone dangerous...someone...evil.."

Random Occult Member 2: "Interesting..."

Anon: "Now, onto our next Tuber..."

Not even 3 seconds into the next video, and several of the Tubers covered their ears in pain from obnoxious singing and shouting. Luckily, Anon came prepared as he grabbed powerful earmuffs during his searching.

Anon: "Is the ear bleeding done?"

Everyone: "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

Anon: "With pleasure..."

Anon took off his earmuffs and paused the video. From the screen, and the audio, this Tuber is European man with bright green hair and a VERY loud personality.

Anon: "Our next Tuber is JackSepticEye, aka Sean McLoughlin, an Irish gamer with 12.36 million subscribers. I have no idea how the hell he's able to scream and shout for more than 20 minutes without a sore throat, but that is a gift he should never have been born with. This man is irritating, and he seems to overreact to every little fucking thing he plays! And he's friends with an eyeball that's LITERALLY septic! He's FRIENDS with a toxic fucking eyeball!"

Random Occult Member 2: "Greaaaaat, as if this man wasn't unlikable enough, now he's a gross slob..."

Anon: "...Riiight...now then, despite his annoyance, he also has a darker side to him that, this time, was created by his fanbase. Since his YouTuber name implies that he's all septic, it only makes sense that his dark side implies that he's antiseptic, and it's quite an irony. Recently, some of Jack's videos are giving canon appearances of this alter ego, and it helps give one a glimpse of what his true design looks like..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, now THAT is something I would KILL to see!"

Anon: "...Okaaaaay then...Next up is the pure definition of a manchild. Do not be fooled from his appearance."

The next Tuber who was on screen was an Asian-looking guy with an extremely American accent, red dyed hair, square glasses, and a skin tight shirt, playing some horror game about a rabbit.

Anon: "This here is Markiplier, aka Mark Fischbach, and this is another American Tuber here, with 14.55 million subscribers."

Random Occult Member 3: "Ooh, this guy has quite the bod..."

Anon: "Hey, remember what I said earlier? This person may look handsome on the outside, but inside, he's a scaredy-cat and...a bit of a crybaby...He's also really stupid."

Anon fast-forwarded the video, and the man screamed loudly and flew backwards in his seat, with his jaw dropped to the floor.

Anon: "See what I mean? Oh, and this guy seems to have a weird thing for boxes, considering he's friends with one."

Anon then clicks on another video with the man playing with some sort of small box creature with a big baby face and cartoony hands, and they're making stupid noises and faces.

Lucifer: "How in the hell did he even-?"

Anon: "It's best not to ask right now. Besides, I didn't get to the real meat here. Mark is unique, because he has not one alter ego, but FOUR!"

All Members: "FOUR?!"

Anon went into his photo album and pulled up a collage for 4 characters that looked eerily similar to the manchild.

Anon: "You heard me right, 4 alternate egos! The main one, and the most iconic, is his dark side named...Darkiplier...I know, hilarious. This ego has an interesting history. He originally started off as Mark trying to be "scary" to his audience, and this soon turned to a whole new persona. The last time Dark was seen canonically on-screen was a video named "relax", but I've been hearing rumors about the new appearance of Dark; it consisted something of him being all black-and-white, in a formal suit, and 3D effects..."

Lucifer: "Wouldn't that be cool to see?"

Anon: "Ha, tell me about it. Now then, the next persona is known as 'Googleplier', and this one is pretty recent. From Matthias' video 'Google IRL', Googleplier is a real-life Google machine who can answer any question, along with having an obsession with destroying mankind...to be honest, this one is my most favorite. Unfortunately, Googleplier has a retarded weakness against too many questions."

Nobody said a word, but they all seemed to have some sort of prediction that Anon is, in some way, similar to Googleplier's personality.

Anon: "Third one has a bit of 'style', if style meant a weeb who wants to kill everyone for their lover. This is 'Yandereplier', but I'm calling him Yandere Mark for short. For those who don't speak weeb, a yandere is a character in anime who acts nice but kills peers behind their love interest's back. Yandere Mark actually started once Mark started playing an indie game called 'Yandere Simulator'. Basically, the game is shit, and the developer seems like an asshole. But this persona has definitely intrigued me. To have a fake persona to hide your true identity from the one you love? Seems like the perfect ego to hide crimes."

From the weird smile/grimace on Anon's face, the group was wondering if Anon has dealt with a "yandere" before.

Anon: "Last persona is a lesser known one, but holds great promise. Meet Authorplier! Honestly, he doesn't have an official name besides 'The Author', but I'll be calling him Author Mark for now. This persona was created back in 2013 in a mini-series called 'Danger in Fiction'. Honestly, most of the videos consist of stupid, immature potty humor, but the parts that I find to be BRILLIANT is the character's appearance and his power to write stories to torture his victims. See, with Author Mark, he has a special book that plans out the victim's fate, and he wants the victim to follow it, or else he'll end them faster with his bat."

Lucifer: "Now THAT one is my favorite!"

Anon: "And FINALLY, the last YouTuber on this list is..."

Anon quickly went back to his YouTube app and typed away, and everyone was anticipating for who was the last Tuber.

Anon: "PewDiePie, aka Felix Kjellberg! Not only is this guy the biggest gaming YouTuber, he is the biggest YouTuber of all time, having 48.17 MILLION subscribers!"

Random Occult Member 1: "48 million?!"

Random Occult Member 2: "He could have his own country with this many people!"

Lucifer: "This guy must be rich for playing games all day!"

Anon: "HOWEVER! I must point out that Felix does not play as many games as he used to in his hay day. Still though, he is no exception...the fact that this annoying Swedish man can entertain or cause controversy for stupid games or unlogical statements is beyond me. If there's one thing I cannot stand about him, it's his enormous ego, acting like he's a mighty god. He kind of reminds me another YouTuber, I think his name was Joke Pole, but he's not a gamer."

Random Occult Member 3: "What's Felix's alter ego?"

Anon: "Ooh, now this is a tricky one...see, Felix doesn't have an official persona like the others, especially since none of them have a canon appearance or voice. However, one I did choose is similar to Yandere Mark and Jimmy Casket, where this one is based off a game that Felix played named 'Lucius'. See, 'Lucius' was a game he played back in 2012, and it's about a boy with the powers of Satan; his main objective is to kill his family members without causing suspicion. For a while, people loved Felix playing as this demon-writhing kid, and he seemed to take on the personality quite well, although he had a strange obsession with a beach ball."

Leader: "I see..."

Anon: "And that's everything I wanted to say! I only have these personas, but these people have a SHIT ton of more personas than I could count, a lot of them were fucking stupid. I only chose the ones that caught my eye, which were coincidentally the popular ones."

Lucifer: "The power of shitty fanbases..."

Anon: "And this is only the start...once I make these personas a reality with a special recipe I have made, they will cause havoc, ruin the reputations of these YouTubers once and for all! These are only with 4, imagine what it would be like with every other YouTuber gamer, or YouTubers in general, big and small, destroying the platform and taking down Internet entertainment with it!"

Everyone gasped and stared in awe as Anon caught his breath from all his speaking.

Anon: "So...am I in?"

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to The Good Place: “Existential Crisis”

Sad-Old-Party-Dude Recklessness

The Setup: Find our previous reactions to season 2 of The Good Place here.

All still images in this post are originally from @nocontextgoodplace.

KRIS:

A day may come when those of us who aren't Adam can venture predictions about where the season is going without embarrassing ourselves, but it is not this day. After the premiere, I wrote: "Existentialism could be a fruitful place to go, and isn’t a massive leap in specialization for an ethicist, especially one who’s established as liking French philosophy. But most people too quickly and too easily conflate existentialism with nihilism, and that is definitely not Schur territory."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Okay no but seriously, this week's episode is indeed called "Existential Crisis," and while it remains true that nihilism is not part of the Fremulon ethos, I underestimated everyone involved. Sometime after that reaction, I learned from a Michael Schur interview that the writers have regular Skype lectures from a couple of philosophy professors, which frankly is more intellectual dedication than I expect from most humans, much less extremely busy TV-producing ones. Having learned that, it no longer surprises me that the writers understand that acknowledging absurdity (in the parlance of some French existentialists) or "the nothing" (as a Heideggerian might put it) is just the beginning of existentialism. But it does still surprise me a little that they trust a broadcast audience to take this seriously. Probably that says more about me than about them.

ANYWAY, in Chapter 18, faced with Michael's apathy about human ethics, Chidi guesses that being an immortal among immortals makes consequences for one's actions seem, well, inconsequential. Given enough time, guilt fades, and so does pain. For Chidi, confronting the inevitability of death is a necessary prerequisite for the study of ethics (I don't think this is a premise all ethicists necessarily subscribe to, but it does make sense for a scholar of French philosophy to think this), so he asks if Michael can die. We learn again about The Eternal Shriek, but this time Michael's not performing, and for apparently the first time ever he considers the possibility of this really happening to him. This being a comedy, Chidi's plan succeeds too well, and Michael entirely loses his shit, appropriately becoming a living version of The Scream, and proceeding straight from existential crisis to midlife crisis, as Eleanor puts it. He changes his clothes and hair, asks Janet to play-act as ditzy arm-candy Jeanette, gets drunk (or whatever the demon equivalent is), and in his sad-old-party-dude recklessness nearly ruins the ruse with Vicky. 

Michael is where most college freshmen first encountering existentialism are: If everything dies, nothing matters! Fuck it! I speak from experience, but also this is where most people encountering existentialism outside of a classroom (where they're forced to read further) stop, whether they then prematurely dismiss all of existentialism or childishly embrace this stage. Here, it's up to Eleanor -- and Kristen Bell playing in a somewhat more melancholy register than usual -- to confront her memories of her father's death, and talk Michael down from self-destruction (and Team Cockroach-destruction). Sad things happen a lot, so most humans are always carrying around at least a little bit of Sad. But they deal. Michael observes that this sucks, but he gets it together and recommits to the long-term plan of self-improvement.

Meanwhile, chez Tahani: "I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So, I simply did myself." And with that I'll hand it off to the rest of you.

MIRI:

I focused all of my humanities and social sciences credits in undergrad on my English major and anther minor, so I’m pretty damn unequipped to respond to the particulars of philosophy going on here, but I will say that I’m continually impressed by the writers’ ability to make it engaging, understandable to the lay audience, and (presumably) satisfying to those who have genuinely studied philosophy. It’s a very impressive line to walk and the fact that they do it while also being one of the funniest shows on television should be celebrated. (I can offer a tight five on how annoying Jaques Derrida is if we ever veer towards deconstructionism? Semiotics in general I can probably sting together a semi intelligent response.)

The “all human beings are a little bit sad always” argument feels partially like a return to my favorite line of season 1, which makes me very, very happy. When discussing the many fro yo spots in town, Michael (fake)marvels over that human trait of “Taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.” While Michael the character may have been playing us all and probably meant it as an insult underneath the Good Place exterior, I think Michael Schur the creator meant it. (I WILL NEVER BE OVER THE NAME THING OH MY GOD HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT?!) And I don’t think he meant it as an entirely bad thing. 

Sometimes we decide that a lot of something very good is what we want more than a little of something amazing. We don’t know how to not be sad, so we learn to be happy while also being sad. We’re loud and messy and we get in our own ways, but we figure out how to make that work and we live our lives. We’ve talked about the inherent hope/optimism in Fremulon shows, and this is very much the Good Place version of that: people are deeply flawed, but they can still be good too. People can make stupid decisions and still enjoy them. Being perfect may not be an option, but it was never the goal anyway.

And to totally pivot away from that, I guess I’ll be the frat bro in this equation and say yes, Tahani did herself, and she did Jason too! Whaaaaat. (I’m not even sorry.) I don’t know if I’m interested in a Jason/Tahani romance. Of course, that may not be what they’re doing at all! Either way, a Jason/Tahani friendship does interest me a lot. Anyone else?

ADAM:

I don't have much to say about this episode, but I was fully entertained by it. Michael's midlife crisis is how I picture/hope Sam Malone is acting today (CHEERS fans will know what I'm talking about). 

Once again, I'm glad Tahani is getting some room to play. I would say that with this misstep that she experienced with her party, she learns how to throw a better party in the future. Also, I guess they are going to have a possible will they won't they with her and Jason. Will they be this show’s Andy and April, or Santiago and Peralta? We know that there will eventually a Chidi and Eleanor romance, but the Tahani and Jason coupling makes sense as a bit of an appetizer to the eventual main course that is the love between Eleanor and Chidi. 

I'm curious to know what everyone thought about all the "smart" insight this episode came from Jason and Eleanor, the two people who don't really get (nor care) other people's feelings. It just goes to show that you don't have to be all book smart, nor a do-gooder to be the best person to understand someone's plight. I guess this rings back to Miri's point, maybe? I feel like I just rambled on that one. 

KRIS:

Apparently Schur gets the "Did you name Michael after yourself" question a lot, but he says in that aforementioned interview that he came up with the name when he visited a cathedral and was struck by a rendering of Michael the archangel.

I like the idea of a Jason-Tahani friendship if that's what ends up happening, but I feel like I'll in principle be a little annoyed if all four of the human characters end up romantically paired. Someday I'm going to have to unpack why I'm reflexively skeptical of romances. Part of it is that I don't like the idea of them taking up a lot of real estate in stories that are primarily about something else. (I'm not annoyed with couples who enter a story as couples.) And/or maybe it's just that I'm used to movie ones being unconvincing? That's probably a lot of it; there was a post in our Tumblr feed a little while ago where someone said they realized they didn't object to romances per se, but to paint-by-numbers "romances" that are really just "guy wins girl-as-prize," which makes sense. But I also think that having series regs end up with romances with each other runs the risk of making the world feel weirdly small. 

Then again, basically everyone who came into B99 single has had a significant romantic subplot, and I stopped objecting to it a long time ago.

What's interesting about Jason making Tahani feel better is that it comes from his seeing her the way she's always wanted the world to see her -- effortlessly amazing -- when he's not even the one she's trying to impress. He's also been liberated from the burden of having to hide his identity, which was where their conflict came from last season; I don't know that I've ever thought of Jason as being particularly uncaring. 

Even as the story has leaned more on Michael/Danson, I'm glad that Eleanor has still made most of the choices that matter. I think her agency as a protagonist is the main consideration in giving her the insight that pulls Michael from the brink, but on a character level there's something to consider about how most of Chidi's problems in life were self-inflicted and largely unresolved, whereas Eleanor had a rough childhood that she overcame, if incompletely. Chidi may understand the problem better intellectually and have to point it out for her, but Eleanor's in a better position to know how that problem feels.

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[renaroo]

Wednesday Roundups 7/6/17

Wow I had a lot to read and I still managed to turn it out faster than I turn out about 90% of these which I’m not sure if it’s a reflection on my reading and writing skills getting better or if I was stressing out over doing these way too much in the past. 

Regardless, we have quite a variety this week and still seem to be celebrating Wonder Joy so let’s just get into it~

DC’s Batman, Creator Owned CBLDF Defender, Marvel’s Spider-Man/Deadpool, DC’s Superman, IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light, DC’s Wonder Woman FCBD, DC’s Wonder Woman: Steve Trevor, Viz’s Yona of the Dawn

DC’s Batman (2016-present) #24 Tom King, David Finch, Danny Miki, Clay Mann, Seth Mann, Jordie Bellaire

Okay, so I follow Batman at a distance because I’ll be completely honest: Tom King absolutely lost me with the Gotham and Gotham Girl plot because I just could not get into it, and it annoyed me, so I’ve been hands off with the title for the most part, a decision I only double downed on with the Catwoman debacle and my correct assumption in King really relying too heavily on TWISTS. a

.... 

But I absolutely picked up this issue because even if nothing in my thinking brain believes, at all, that this will be allowed to change the status quo between Bruce and Selina...

I love BatCat so much you guys.

He proposed. And I bought it purely for those pages.

I have to emphasize it was for those pages alone because I could not have cared less about Claire and Bruce’s conversation because I’m just so tired of how many people there are in Gotham and how this conversation would have been so much more meaningful if it came from Kate or Dick or Tim or Cass or Duke or Harper or Damian or Julia or Luke or Jean Paul or Leslie or -- THERE ARE SO MANY BAT CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT BEING USED TO THEIR FULL POTENTIAL RIGHT NOW DAMMIT.

The conversation itself is kinda stuff we’ve heard before, and while I like how it tied in thematically it just wasn’t in me to not criticize the fact that it’s coming from the current OC of the Day. 

Anyway. 

I came for the BatCat and I was happy for it even if it was basically only three issues and I had to deal with grown artists making Gotham GIrl’s skirt incredibly short while she was in weird positions for most of it. 

So. That’s my take on that.

Now I can write 3 million fics about how this could be wonderful and that Helena Wayne gets to grow up with all her siblings and be loved by the world. byyyyeeeeeeee

Creator Owned CBLDF Defender Vol. 2 #2 Marc Adreyko, Gene Luen Yang

So this is mostly just an addition at the last minute both because it’s free and because it’s, well, an information brochure about uniting to subscribe or pledge money to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund for all those who have been encouraged into activism thanks to recent events and the collective consciousness surrounding events like last year’s Pulse nightclub shooting.

It’s a good idea and it’s pro-community messaging speaks to me. I’d like to spread awareness for people that these voices are out there and that if you’re interested in providing support you can check out this particular brochure on Comixology for free or google at your leisure.

Marvel’s Spider-Man/Deadpool Vol. 2: Side Pieces Scott Aukerman, Gerry Duggan, Penn Jillette, Nick Giovannetti, Paul Scheer, Joshua Corin, Reilly Brown, Scott Koblish, Todd Nauck, Tigh Walker

Okay, so... I like Spider-Man/Deadpool’s first arc... but it’s pretty much exactly like Trinity over at DC and it’s spiritual predecessors Batman/Superman and Superman/Batman in that, outside of what’s honestly a pretty stellar initial premise, there is not a whole lot of plan behind where the comic wants to go for the future. 

So you get a whole lot of different creative teams and no cohesive narrative or direction for the comic to go. 

But I guess that really brings into question what makes ongoing comics work and whether or not th idea of “hilarious monthly team ups of Spider-Man and Deadpool without a point, and assumedly without continuity consequences” is enough to work. 

And as someone who honestly really enjoys one-shot one-and-dones, that’s honestly a pass for me. 

But at the same tim... I mean there’s a reason I have both Spider-Man/Deadpool and Trinity on trade wait status now. 

The whole is not equivalent to the sum of its parts, but honestly it’s got some genuinely funny and worthwhile parts as it stands. And I appreciate that. 

DC’s Superman (2016-present) #24 Patrick Gleason, Peter J. Tomasi, Doug Mahnke, Jaime Mendoza, Mick Gray, Joe Prado, Wil Quintana, John Kalisz

You know, sometimes being a comic fan is kind of like reading the newspaper more than reading a narrative story. 

For me that’s kinda what this issue felt more like, I was getting information on where all the characters had moved since last time, the motivations, some backstories. Slight progress and movement in the form of an update on what happened to Lois and getting to see her still kicking Clark’s ass in gear despite his concern for her injury, which I liked, but overall this issue mostly felt like filler for the final moment where we see Jon fall completely into the control of Manchester Black. 

Who... is a big whooping plot hole I am stil waiting to be addressed. Clark remembers Manchester Black from the New Earth continuity still and the “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” and knows about the Elite, but do they know about him? Or are they completely different from the Super Elite we knew? Are we going to get a Justice League Elite mention (which good god please spare me, though I’ll take Sister Superior). 

This is one of those cases where I feel like my overly extensive knowledge of things in continuity actually puts me at a disadvantage to actually like... reading and taken things for granted. 

I want things to make sense, or I want enjoyable Kent family shenanigans. 

But this issue did have Krypto so, I automatically add a star to it. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light (2016-present) #6 James Roberts, Jack Lawrence, Joanna Lafuente

Look, sometimes I think it’s important for critics, reviewers, readers, what have you, to bea ble to say that they’re confused and don’t know what emotion to feel or whether or not the comic accomplished exactly what it wanted to and I’m just. Like. 

Yes that is my emotion at the moment.

A lot of stuff happened in this issue. Like lots of crazy, out there, amazing stuff was packed into a single issue and it’s like, there were panels where you’d blink and you’d miss important character development notes -- like Ratchet hugging their Rung once they got back. Like there’s so much good -- Rodimus had a lot of amazing moments throughout and I love the range of humor to anger to disappointment that he showed. Like his trust and faith in others is already pretty shattered at the moment and to feel Megatron’s apparent betrayal adding onto that is like a million times more stuff. I fear he’s nearing a very dangerous ledge, which is bad because this issue also tells us that Rodimus’ death wish and lowkey desire to put himself in dangerous positions to die heroically is still as prominent as ever. 

Someone hug my trash fire of a son, please.

And then magical girlfriend romance bringing back her girlfriend as a baby and it’s kinda weird like is it still going to be the same Lug? Does Anode acknowledge that it’s weird? Is anyone going to point out that they could feasibly use protoform matter now to resurrect anyone whose spark remnants are available now? Including Skids and Ravage?

what is going on

Anyway. 

There’s a lot packed into this issue which is why I am honestly kind of happy that next issue’s description is a “fallout” from this because holy shit, I need room to breathe and think through things.

Also. Dat smile when Megatron heard Optimus’ voice in the epilogue-ish finale. I like. Maybe had a fangirl moment. Just maybe. 

Anyway. I’m shrug emoji right now until I can get my emotional state sorted out because wow there’s a lot at the moment. Like a lot. A lot a lot.

DC’s Wonder Woman FCBD 2017 Special Edition (2017-present) #1 Greg Rucka, Nicola Scott, Romulo Fajarado Jr.

Like last week’s Wondy special, this is a reprint, but it’s a reprint of the first issue of “Year One” which still holds up as the far superior of the two starting Wonder Woman titles from Rucka last year and is amazingly well held up...

...save of course for the exact same criticisms as the last time I went over the issue which is Dead Bro Walking trope and a whole lot of Rucka Why???? that comes attached to the really bizarre treatment of race in the first arcs of the series. It’s just so bizarre.

But honestly, again, these moves are meant to attract the new, excited audience after the box office smash that has been the Wonder Woman movie -- an audience that has been largely female of all ages. And if there’s one free comic I’m glad will show up immediately on their google searches this Wednesday, I’m very glad it’s going to be the start of what has quickly become my favorite standard bearer of Wonder Woman’s origin story. 

Something I appreciate even more after having finally read the entirety of Azzarrello’s Wondy run which. Eck. Wash my mouth out. 

DC’s Wonder Woman: Steve Trevor (2017) #1 Tim Seeley, Christian Duce, Allen Passalaqua

So this addition to my pull was kind of unexpected in that I had no idea that it was coming out this week and thought “why not” because I’m literally still so Wonderfully Pumped Up a the moment and as far as I can see, the more proceeds DC and WB can see attributed to Wonder Woman the better.

That being said, Tim Seeley really dug into his Grayson roots in this one because that’s about the only thing I really got from this issue is that Steve Trevor’s a badass secret agent with secrets and a deep seeded guilt thing. Which kinda felt like a harsher toned take on his Dick Grayson more than anything else. Which is fine.

Part of the problem here is that I did not read the New52 short term published book that was A.R.G.U.S. or whatever where Steve starred during the weird interim where Steve was not allowed around Diana and Lois wasn’t allowed around Clark but DC still wants to make money from fans anyway.

idk. And since those kinds of spy books are rarely my cup of tea, I don’t think this issue sold me on renigging on that instinct.

Still it was cute and Diana and Steve’s interactions, while minimal, are really the driving portion of his narrative which I think is always good.

But, just like the Annual, I’m left just sitting here going “why don’t we use this opportunity to show off the upcoming Wonder Woman creative team, DC????”

And I get no answer bc DC actually doesn’t care about some weirdo random blogger on the internet constantly screaming at them.

Viz’s Yona of the Dawn (2009-present) Vol. 6 Mizuho Kusanagi

I have actually been very interested in Akatsuki no Yona since I saw its anime show up in my Crunchyroll feed, and as with most anime I can’t help but immediately try to find the manga instead because I am impatient and want Answers Now. As I understand it, the Viz official translations are far behind the current run of the manga (makes sense, as the manga series has been ongoing since 2009 in Japan), and is only catching up to where the anime left off so far, but that’s more than okay for me right now.

Because oh my gosh, it’s so amazing to read such a beautiful story about the growth, empowerment, and pure will of a female character as told by a female author and artist. I’m not the biggest fan of Shoujo as a style of art, but having Yona strike a balance between beautiful and cutesy visuals with what is ultimately a fairly action driven plot with intense moral posturing and constant detail put into the grayness of life’s choices makes Yona of the Dawn honestly unlike just about any Shoujo I’ve read before. 

Yona is one of the most compelling heroines I’ve ever seen, and her intensity of spirit and her meaningful examination of her kingdom makes this fairy tale story really unlike anything else out there. 

And while I’ve really enjoyed Yona to this point, I have to say it is an amazing relief to reach Volume 6 an finally get more female characters than just Yona. I like the reverse harem appeal of the cast as it has been so far, and I have affection for several of the boys, but man is it so much more meaningful to have a few more compelling female characters backing up Yona in the representation department.

Especially since some of Yona’s crew still feel... a little bland to me. It’s usually not a good sign in a massive cast when the traits that come immediately to mind for me are purely character design. 

I’m excited for what’s to come and to see how our Princess fully realizes her potential as the Crimson Dragon. 

Also I should note some skeevy parts of this. One I don’t mind but am sure other people might, there’s the fact that Yona’s current storyline is dealing with Yona taking down a ring of human traffickers and slavers, which brings up the question of autonomy both for Yona as a woman in this honestly pretty traditionally sexist kingdom but also for the Dragons themselves and how their “service” to Yona is framed as a question of their own will. But it’s still a story about human trafficking and that could bother a lot of people. Another thing in this volume, which has bothered me in the previous volumes but really came to a head this time around, is Hak’s... weirdly possessive outbursts toward Yona. I get that they are meant as... idk protective and romantic to some and that we’re supposed to be compelled by his struggle to not show his affection for Yona, but honestly I’m just kinda... naw hoss. Like Hak’s a fine character and I like his relationship and history with Yona most of the time, but like.. the weird pushing her against walls and... licking honey off of her wrists and just. idk. We’re lost in translation here or something bc I’m not a fan.

I’m also not a fan of Viz’s weird changes in the font randomly throughout the book? Like just stop. It’s bad when your translations look lazier than the fan translations I’ve seen floating around on tumblr.

I’ll be honest, as high quality as I consider almost all of these comics this week, I would say the good majority of them did not give me a fully emotional experience or really captivate me in a way that satisfied me from start to finish. And I’m sure in the follow up issues to come there’ll be a lot for me to question into why that might be for the majority of them, but that time is not now. So, as much as it may feel like cheating to pick a volumed book over single issues, I can’t help but say that Yona of the Dawn by far is my pick of the week. It delighted, it changed up its structure and storytelling, built out its world and has started spending more time on the titular characters where before it often felt like we were just taking for granted that there was a dragon gained every volume. And Yona herself is just one of the most satisfying characters to see grow into their own. 

But that’s just my opinion, I’d love to hear what you all think. Agree? Disagree? Think I missed a great comic this week? Please let me know!

[blookmallow]

played a little game called spirit cleaning... ghosts time 

fuck yeah blood skeleton

hm. something sure happened here

Blood Stain Destroyer fps 

basically this game is part “clean the mess” (a game mechanic i Love So Much) and part “help the ghosts find peace so they can move on” (one of my favorite story concepts) and its overall pretty neat but i dont really understand whats going on in this house 

like, the ghosts in this room were two twin sisters who died here because one of them got electrocuted and fell on the other (im not sure why that killed her, but anyway) so there’s...... no reason there should be this much blood everywhere. even if one or both of them somehow exploded in this incident there wouldn’t be handprints all over the TV like that 

most of the deaths don’t make sense with the blood stains, there’s one murder victim and. two ghosts who im pretty sure worked themselves to death but there’s somehow just blood splattered everywhere?? im thinking the blood might not be Their Real Actual Blood but more like. some kind of spirit manifestation of their trauma or something. especially considering at least one of them is from like, another century, so it wouldn’t make sense that there’d be a centuries old crime scene just still all the way it was left in a side room in the same house where a gamer girl was living 

i think its like. this is a house where a lot of people have lived and a lot of people have died so now they’re all ghost roommates. rather than like, one family where A Ton Of Shit Happened. i cant tell if anyone’s supposed to be actually related 

anyway polly is the best ghost 

this is some sick lighting but also who the FUCK needs this many headphones. i feel like the longer i look at this the more headphones i see 

hey hi hello excuse me is her name fortnite

did... did she change her name to fornite fdsjggjfsdg

also do her subscribers like. know. that she’s dead

like she literally worked herself so hard she DIED and she’s still streaming 24/7 and scared to put the game down for even a minute bc her views might tank and she’d lose her career. even though she’s dead. she knows she’s dead. there’s something quietly horrifying in this character even if her name is fortnite johnson 

I DONT LIKE THAT 

anyway i helped all the ghosts. the two girls who worked themselves to death via gaming and office job might be dating now. it was short and could’ve maybe been developed a little further but it was a nice little game for what it is 

[dontyougiveuponme]

6/7/2021 - Update and post of Vampires

Hello tumblr, it has been a while. I have this website pinned but I never bother to write anything. It’s been a little over two years since I last wrote. Yet again, I feel stagnant, or even getting worse. I feel like I’ve changed. I like to think that I’m not the kind of person that changes. I always tell everyone that asks me how I’ve been that everything is the “same old shit”. I feel far away from the person I once was. I can understand that we all mature in different ways, but I don’t want to be a person that I, myself do not like. I’ve turned cynical, critical, judgmental, just an overall non-believer of anything good or positive. Much of the day I can’t say I have any positive thoughts apart from laughing at dumb memes, but I can’t say that counts for anything substantial. I haven’t accomplished much at all within these past two years, and it’s weighing heavy on my mind. I really do want to fix myself and my bad habits. I’ll be 29 this year, so by the time I hit the big three zero, I want to have my life and visions together. In order to take steps in this light, is the reason I decided to write again. I am constantly feeling tired both mentally and physically pretty much everyday of my life now, and I can say that it’s probably the worst it’s been. I don’t remember the last time I got some decent rest. My mind is polluted with so much bullshit I can only manage the upkeep of basic day to day living. My productivity and creativity are in the dump. This shit sucks, hopefully I can organize my thoughts and convince myself to change! Here we go..

Vampires, things that drain my energy:

Phone/social media - Social media is a piece of shit. It amazes me how I keep opening up IG on my phone to just scroll valuable moments of my life away. There’s many times I see things I really don’t like seeing and it actually makes me mad. I hate seeing political shit. Everything has an agenda now. Everyone is a hero now. Everything is money now. Rarely do I see things that I like on there (Isn’t that the whole reason to have the damn thing anyway?). There’s not much genuine things on social media anymore, it’s all just recycled trash. They literally show that shit in your feed even though you’re not subscribed/following them. Everything is an ad now. So much sales pitching, even for oneself as a brand. There’s nothing genuine about it in my eyes, and I really would like to live with less of it. It’s impossible to avoid completely in regular daily life now. I don’t need to be consuming half as much of  all this bullshit on social media. Actually there’s also another side of social media that’s related to my next vampire.

Porn - Some social media posts are kinda like porn. You know the things (TikToks/Reels) you just keep watching over and over.. and over again? It might not necessarily make your peepee feel funny but there’s definitely some kind of strange chemical reactions going on in your brain when you watch that shit. It’s a vampire, like porn is. Porn, I feel like is actually huge in terms of draining energy. I mean of course in moderation, masturbation actually can’t be terrible for you, but what I want to talk about is the frequent kind (lol). I think doing it everyday is too much, especially as you get older. I can’t say I’ve ever came and felt a rush of energy, I usually just pass the fuck out (maybe I should look in to some Kama Sutra shit or something). I’m not an expert on health, but it can’t be good to put your body under the stress of manufacturing all that semen over and over, day after day, after day. I think naturally if there was too much semen, you’d just have a wet dream or something. I mean, it’s been a while since that’s happened to me though. Anyways, I think the body could use some rest from too many orgasms! Yeah I said it. It’s also really draining mentally as well. I feel worse mentally after watching porn than physically (DUH). Well to put it bluntly, porn is fucked up. I can’t quite put my finger on it (uhhhh nasty), but it’s just not right to enjoy watching people have sex and stuff. I’m just a viewer of porn. I’m indirectly supporting this machine that is destructive. I understand that there’s women (and men) that see great success in their lives from the porn industry, and I can’t knock that, although it may confuse me, maybe it is some people’s true passion to suck 100 guys dicks in one sitting. I DON’T KNOW. I just can’t help but feel bad when I see a girl that is clearly beautiful, could have been an actress or a model, and there she is taking it up the shitter. A part of me dies a little bit every time I get off, and think of deeper things like that. I don’t think that if any of those women had a chance to do something else and be successful, they wouldn’t ever choose to do porn. It’s just not fair to them, and now that I think about it, it’s crazy that their success depends on the base of fucked up viewers that they have. Not a pretty thought on all levels, also considering the women that did it and did not succeed. Overall, porn makes me feel like shit, and I need to stop fucking watching it.

Drugs - I can’t deny how nice the idea of having a few drinks or an having occasional cigarette. They’re great socially. By yourself though (which I tend to do often), it is a sad thing. I think it is a sad thing even with other people, when there’s not much reason to be consuming drugs. I understand that they can be a “social lubricant”, but really when you are consuming so much of it you can’t really call it a lubricant. It’s more like a flood, or like a wave that everyone is just riding, instead of people interacting normally. Drinking in excess for me has been common, too common I’d say. I would drink (a lot) with friends maybe every weekend. Recently, I’ve snapped and yelled at some of my friends in some kind of drunken rage (which is actually not even the first time) . This kind of behavior makes me very uncomfortable. I want to be happy and laugh with my friends, not be angry. Drinking is terrible for sleeping as well. You wake up feeling like complete trash, and your whole day has already passed. It steals a lot of life away. Moving on, cigarettes were an everyday thing for me. It was never so bad as to a pack a day, but I’d say I would do a pack or maybe two in a week, so a few a day. Cigarettes are nice in a social setting in a different way from alcohol, it sort of makes you more alert. In regular day to day life though, they are like taking a breath of fresh air. I know how ironic it sounds (lol), but the most common application is to have a cigarette after work. It stimulates you and somehow relaxes you at the same time. In that way cigarettes for me are such a chill drug, like you can’t get “drunk” on them if that makes sense. To be sitting listening to music and enjoy a cigarette is a subtle, but nice feeling. Apart from all that, they do make you feel like shit in a strange very obvious addiction kind of way. You always want one. The triggers are wide. They make you short on breath in physical activity. It does actually have some reactions in your brain to produce feel-good chemicals, so it does steal away some “happiness”. It is also very bad for health long-term, as is drinking too. I need to sober up and look at these drugs from a more mature perspective. I would love to be able to control my usage of them, because I can’t help it; I love beer, I love whiskey, and a cigarette tastes amazing sometimes.

General laziness/boredom - The biggest sign, sleeping way too much. There has to be more to life (lol). I can’t control my naps, they end up taking hours. This happens even after I get enough sleep. There’s so much to do, so much fun, so much building to be done, and what do I do? I’M FUCKING BORED. I’m so spoiled, or a better word I like to use, rotten. In general, I would safely say that boredom is the cause, and the other things listed above (phone, masturbation, drugs), are the effect. If I can learn how to properly control my boredom, I could effectively control all those vices. I think this should be a post on it’s own so I’ll try to attack this and write about it later.

Anyways, It’s sorta sad in a weird way that I haven’t been able to update in a while. So many things have happened. My cat (Nibbler) almost had to get put down and got surgery for free (He is doing great). The old place in Norcross I was renting got burned out, I lived with my brother for two months, and found a new place. I have a girlfriend now (albeit on and off). I’ve been working with my friend for almost two years now, no longer typing away at an office job. My sister Alisha moved to Japan, and very recently my youngest sister Anna finally turned 21. Time passes by and so many big things happen, it’s sad to not write about it. I know I was keeping a physical planner/diary, but I feel like on here I can write more freely and deeper (I don’t know why). Anyways, I hope not too much time passes before I write again. Until next time. ^-^