#feels like im in fucking Rain Man
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Playing BRD again for these Ranged Melee RQs feels like unlocking all the equations in the fucking universe
#i LOVE playing BRD i don't give a FUCK i just wished it did more damage and had a few changed utilities#feels like im in fucking Rain Man#also i maybe...want them to bring back Misery's End 👉👈#except change it into a guaranteed crit + potency but keep it as a finisher#and mp regen...and foe's requiem...and crit from casting a song...ok#ok i guess the rotation is still enough for my gorilla brain but i have no idea why they took those things away#aside from them not knowing how to make a game as time as gone on but- *is chloroformed*#why does a support class do less support than it used to- Yoshi P should figure that out instead of fighting not to start saying the N word
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LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
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do you guys think that the bfdi characters are like immortal (time-wise) . Like that they don’t die from old age . It’s like lobsters where they don’t lose the ends of dna I forgot the whole scientific explanation . Etc . Maybe yoyle city was so densely populated with recovery technology and
WAIT PAUSE POST. maybe they DO die from old age but who fucking cares we have recovery technology anyways ????? That’s how individual objects have stayed around forever (I was reading the golf ball plush info page and remembered that she has a billion years of experience . With the shenanigans in bfb with the sun i wouldnt be surprised if it didn’t work like our sun or they could just . Fucking like do shit to prevent it from exploding. You see all that yoyle technology ? They could do that)
continuing on from crossed out above . Maybe at one point the world was so crowded with objects a big amount of them just decided to leave . They have that technology HELL bfdi uses spaceships . bfdia goes basically into space . Bfb goes into space with spaceships and messes with it . Or maybe there’s more cities elsewhere with more residents ????? Auauauwjsi????
#im still not letting go of my theory of the yoyle city residents leaving earth and evolving into the algebraliens btw#at the very least everyone left earth . What are you gonna tell me they did ?? Fucking ascended like the ancients from rain wrold??????#fucking idk man . I’ll tag this sure#osc#bfdi#bfb#idont feel like putting any others#idont feel like putting any othersidont feel like putting any others#im not saying bfdi is a big lore show and they’re building up to this I just think it would be awesome if it was true . It’d be cool as fuc
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I'm being a rebel and requesting Ikesen Masamune and barefoot 💜
send me one and a character u__u
hurricane (prompt: barefoot)
masamune; 1,813; fluff and... that's it; @violettduchess is quite possibly one of the only ppl who can get me to write for a fandom that i had no plans in joining BUT HERE I AM FOLKS. here the fuCK i am.
he has always been a hurricane.
there are moments in a person’s life big enough for a single choice to put them on a completely different path, and then — there are those moments, much smaller moments, adding up to that one, bigger, monumental, life-changing moment. this is one of the latter.
the moon is heaven bright, swinging low in a full-bellied sky, and insomnia had plagued you till you’d come into the inner gardens for refuge. at least here, it felt like you were stuck between the pages of a waking dream. so… sleep-adjacent, right? right.
you swing your feet off the edge of the pristinely mopped wooden walkways, your sketchbook propped in your lap, a charcoal pencil gliding over the smooth, moon-bleached pages. you let your hand take the drawing where it wants, and these days, there’s only one place that your hand (and, subsequently the rest of your mind and body) seems to want to go.
masamune.
he appears as fish-tail flicks of your wrist bring him to life on the pages, each sketch fluid and overlapping with the next, almost like the depiction of dance — the crinkle at the edge of his eye, the curve of his hand as he rests it on the hilt of one of his blades, the strong, graceful slope of his shoulders and back, the crescent moon curve of his lips as he smiles, ever light, ever teasing, in your direction.
“ah… is that what i look like?”
his voice makes you jump, and even now after all this time, it sets your heart racing in your chest as you whirl around to find his nose inches from yours, that self-same smile hinged across his damnably gorgeous lips.
“w-wh — why aren’t you sleeping?” is your stumbling, cobbled together response to being jump-scared in the middle of his castle pagoda, but it’s the best you could come up with. he only leans back, chuckling, his arms tucked into the long thin sleeves of his kosode as he casts his eye up towards the full moon, his expression for once devoid if mischief or calculation. it’s strange, seeing him like this, so still and so quiet, and something about it makes you go still too, wondering if this is what its like to be caught in the eye of the storm, where the quiet is only ever momentary and destruction dances just beyond where your mind can reach.
“i could ask the same of you, kitten. so tell me… why aren’t you sleeping?” he grins as he joins you, propping one arm on a bent knee, watching as you gather yourself, palms pressing to the pages of your sketchbook.
“i… i couldn’t sleep.” you look down at your own knees, and it strikes you then that your feet are still bare. you can’t help glancing at masamune, and sure enough, his feet are bare too. no wonder i hadn’t heard him coming.
but something about this sets you off, the sight of his bare feet next to yours, and even though it shouldn’t be so tantalizing a thing — the flicker of bare flesh, the hint of skin unseen— you feel like one of those ancient victorian maidens, blushing at the sight of bare ankles.
you can’t help it; you start to laugh.
and masamune, sitting beside you, finds himself transfixed, held still by the sound of your laughter, pouring from you like rainwater from a stream. so clear and beautiful it sets his body arrack with shivers.
“what?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow, “is there something on my face?”
at this, you pause, stifling your giggles with a hand pressed to your lips, and you look at him. your eyes meet, and not for the first time, you feel yourself falling into them — into him. even like this, his one blue eye is something of a miracle, a thing of celestial majesty. it wasn’t until you’d met him that you’d realized what blue eyes look like up close — up close, they are the shattered light of a millions stars, fractured and reformed and singing through a universe of endless dark to end up here, shining out from him and landing on you, and god — he’s looking at you like all those million, billion years of starlight had traveled the expanse of every galaxy just to look at you.
just to see you like he does now.
“no… there isn’t,” you say, whisper, more like, reaching out a hand to trace your thumb over the lid of his closed eye. he doesn’t push you away. instead, he leans in closer.
“then, what’s so funny, kitten?”
you simply shake your head, trying to swallow down your belly-full of laughter, your mind showing you a strobe-quick flash-forward of you trying to explain the concept of foot kinks and websites that cater to such 500 years in the future before deciding — no. alas, tonight is not the night you try to educate one date masamune on the intricacies of body part kinks. though no doubt he’d take it in stride. no — that thought too, you tamp down before you’ve the mind to follow it down into a deep, dark rabbit hole from whence you might never recover or be recovered.
“tell me, please…” he grins, a grin that is simultaneously plea and pleasure, and in it, you can hear the knife-sharp promise of desire, “i’d like to know if something other than me has the power to make you laugh so much.”
“it’s just —” you bite your lips, fighting for the words, “we’re both barefoot.”
he blinks. and you can tell that whatever he was expecting the answer to be, this is clearly not it.
you track the flitter of emotions as they dance in quicksilver steps across the planes of his face — surprise, confusion, amusement, all painted porcelain perfect on the dark of his brows, the faint twitch of his lips. finally, he settles on a sorted of muted bemusement as he cocks his head at you.
“and… do people of your time tend to sleep with socks on?”
“no, it’s just…” you blush again, unable to help yourself.
“just what?” his voice is light, and he is still.
you swallow, hard,
“just… it’s weird — i mean — it’s not like i haven’t seen anyone else barefoot before just… this was — you’re just — and i —” you trip over your words in a hurry and end up tumbling through into incoherence so fast all you can do to styme the flood is to clamp your mouth shut and pray.
oh god please… tell me this is a bad dream.
but when you open your eyes, masamune is still there, watching you with that singular eye of his, expression inscrutable. and still, he doesn’t move.
“so…” and finally, finally, the stillness breaks — he cracks it open like an eggshell, stretching himself out as he leans back, propping himself up on his elbows, lengthening till he’s splayed out over the gleaming wooden boards of the walkway, his face bathed in ghostly moonlight.
“i’m not the first man you’ve seen barefoot, hm? that is a problem.”
your mouth drops open and for a moment, you gape at him wordless and fish-like, and he laughs as he turns to look at you.
“tell me his name — i’ll have his head in the morning,” he says, in a voice so casually serious that for a moment you think he might actually mean it.
“masamune!”
and then, he’s laughing too, a big, bright, uproarious thing that shakes his entire body like the foundations of the earth. it is deep and rich and lovely, warm and sweet as sun-kissed honey. you let yourself be swept up in his laughter, dropping into silent giggles, and then something louder, letting your shoulder bump into his, your bodies finally touching and then —
there’s a flurry of clothing, a shifting of weights. you find yourself pulled into him, tipping towards him like inevitability.
your sketchbook lays forgotten on the walkway next to you as masamune holds you close against his chest.
“ah… i really don’t like that…”
an entourage of tingles frissons through your body at his words.
“don’t like what?”
“the fact that you’ve seen someone else barefoot before. it bugs me.”
you peer up at him, lifting your head ever so slightly from his chest. he’s looking at you, and the sunrise-blue of his eyes are shadowed with something darker now, something decidedly less innocent than just the thought of bare feet.
“then… what will you do about it?” you ask, feeling the heat of his body, the solidness of him, the rightness of you between his arms.
“hm… are you teasing me, kitten?” his voice is gravel and earthquake and you’re emboldened by the sound, by the way his pupil dilates, the black hole at the center of every galaxy — gravity made solid, made real.
“yes,” you breathe, leaning up like a dare and he meets you gloriously, his lips hard and pressing and soft and pulling. there’s a fire unspooling at the base of your spine, stoked by the heat and truth of him, so close, too close — you break apart gasping. he grins, lynx-like and wolfish as he grazes his teeth along the column of your throat.
“good,” he says, sighing into your flesh as you arch up into him, your fingers curling into his hair as he flips the pair of you over. he pulls you beneath him and he is storm and thunder, he is rain and wonder — he is water to your desert skies, the sunlit days to all your moonless nights.
and as he makes to rend you into pleasure, into nothing more than ache and belonging, he pulls back with a bone-deep growl, a sliver of hesitation, of self-preservation.
“are… are you sure you want this?” that you want me? the echo is not lost on you.
and it’s not the first time he’s asked you the question, and you have a feeling that it wouldn’t be the last. but you reply as you had, once upon a time, in a distant, sun-drenched afternoon, when you’d been telling him about one of your favorite poems from your time.
you smile, tug him down for a kiss.
“yes,” you say, like you’d done on that long-ago afternoon, “i want you — i want this, masamune. because… I love you.”
“i will love you when you are a still day… i will love you when you are a hurricane.”
#ikemen sengoku#ikesen#ikemen series#date masamune#ikemen sengoku x reader#ikesen masamune#date masamune x reader#ikemen sengoku imagines#ikemen sengoku headcanons#ikesen imagines#ikesen headcanons#floofy floof floof#OKAY but the feeling of tagging a REAL HISTORICAL FIGURE LFMAO#vi i blame u for all the bullshit im about to rain on this damn fandom LOL i havent played these games in YEARS i tell u#is this IC? IDK WHO KNO WHO CARE lol#i hope u liked it u_u#ALL CREDIT WHRE CREDIT IS DUE that last line comes from clementine von radics#i love her poetry pls go read it; this one comes from her collection called 'mouthful of forevers' its SO GOOD GO READ IT#doNT tease me with humans as metaphors for natural disasters man i will fucking GOBBLE that shit up#i love it almost as much as i love sky/star/sun/moon/ocean/general astronomy anaologies
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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the silt verses: chapter 34
chapter 38
#p#tsv#the silt verses#im being so brave n tagging this + making it rb-able. i think#posting this for my own benefit cuz it made me go nuts (positive) when i listened to ch 38 n got to this part#i was like WAIT THIS REMINDS ME OF SMTH#n then i found the right ep to check the transcript for the first one n i was like YESSSS >:)#this podcast dude.....im eating it its eating me we're (cant spell the O word) snake eating self thing#this is like. what if we were both prophets of our faith (in different ways i think)#n bargaining w our god for the safety of our loved ones#basically threatening it w the power we have over it#And we were both trans??? :O#Also! how theyre both v like jaded abt their god when they started w good intentions (paige)#or like such zealous belief n feel the bad actions u do are justified by ur faith n its for ur god etc (faulkner but i worded it badly)#now that im rambling here: anyway i do miss that faulkner era sldjk like hes still doing fucked up stuff ofc#but at this point he admitted he doesnt feel the same abt the trawler man n is maybe more like carpenter at the beginning of the series#ok 38 made me cry it was wild actually. the stuff w his dad got me dude!!!#him telling raine that hes wanted to like confront his dad for not being around for him+his brothers n basically abandoning him eventually#but now that theyre together again he cant cuz his dad isnt even like. himself sometimes n needs to be looked after etc#this podcast is great w complicated parental/family relationships i think. faulkner n his alive brother+dad#paige w her dad + carpenter w nana glass#anyway back to 38 lol n when faulkner had to comfort his dad who thought he was his abusive uncle not his son n kept repeating#''i love u. im not him'' jeeeeez#then when his dad is more coherent n they have a long talk abt how faulkner (richard lol) has been n that he thinks hes rly fucked things u#<- CORRECT#OHH n the trans stuff omg like 'ur voice is deeper than last time i saw u' n feelin bad he couldnt afford#testosterone when faulkner was younger n stuff n saying how he looks n sounds suits him n skdjdk wah#ok posting this before i can regret it byeee
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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yesterday i ordered food and the one who drove it explain to me how busy the queue is, the thing is i would cancel if i can, but i cant cancel it as the order is already made in the kitchen.
I explained it to the one who is going to bring my food over n over again that i cannot cancel it bruh and he kept insinuating that i was 'selfish' when i cannot do anything, how tf am i suppose to know the queue was 'busy' and how am i supposed to cancel it when i literally cannot, i'll have to call the hotline that 90% isnt even helpful most of the time. I try to calm the driver down and shit for some reason, idfk what he's been on but brahhhh he still was pissy and shit and i dont want it to be awkward so i offered 5$(it might look low but its like the equiv of 50$ in my country) as a compesation and so he will stop his weird ass pissy episode when i've literally reasoned with him many many times, also i dont want to get my food from a pissed off driver okay? Like i do not like conflict and i do not want to have chances of making a scene with him. you know what sucks?? the wait for the queue isnt even that long it just takes 5-10 minute, literal standard time for every food order. And uhh because iam also pissed off, i might have not tipped them and broke my promise😢
#ignorelist#for some reason he calls me inpatience too like bitch????#what do you want me to do i literally cannot cancel the order😭😭😭😭 and what does that have anything to do with me being impatience#i would have choke him in the chat but like listen HE IS going to my house to deliever my food wether we both like it or not#and its like in the middle of the night im not throwing hand at that time and it was rainning and i was so exhausted from my course try out#test#truly i just do not tip him out of spite and this is the first time i dont tip people who send food over at my house#do i feel guilty? erm yes but fuck him#i just kinda pretend im like helpless little princess or whatev because i know if i show bits of aggression that guy would hop on that ride#and become more agitated because like i said many many time i do not want to fight a grown ass man#or maybe this is common practice dude use to guilt trip customer to tip them 20-50 k idr#if it is then i hope that dude know every tip he got is haram LMAO#when chatting he said he 'forgive me'(5 second later calling me an impatient bitch) and its near idul fitri so its forgiving day#be for realll
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Guys why is rain world so good (<- rewatched some scenes and teared up on all of them)
#rat rambles#rain posting#god man. holy shit. fuckkkkkk#rain world may not be one of my token big interests but god does it just hit me so fucking hard whenever I do engage with it#I also think after rewatching some stuff that my general takes on how rain world's world works have shifted a smidge#which is also giving me some more ideas for saint hcs#I feel like the biggest thing Im seeing differently now is the concept that the saint has no beginning or end#one big theme of rain world is the way that all cycles eventually come to an end#societies iterators and even the lives of the animals that wander about#theyre trapped but within these cycles they still move forward and eventually fade just like everything else#but the saint doesnt. they never can. in that way they are a paradox#for when even time itself eventually fades what becomes of the being who will never be allowed to slow in their decent?#overlapping onto themself infinitely until what is and isn't them becomes irrelevant#have they lived many times or were they ever even alive to begin with?#at the end of the day they will never know. its a peace they wont ever find#as they are simply a lil guy who is stuck in a real mind boggling situation#anyways thanks pebbles dialogue for helping me get a better grasp on saint stuff have fun being dead buddy#it also makes me feel even worse for the echos because theyre likely in similar positions#not the exact same given Im sure none of them had the powers to fly and ascend ppl but still#in my minds eye tho theyre more themselves than saint is#for better or for worse#the rest of the echos are stationary. unable to move forwards or back#while the saint continues to spiral onwards and onwards in ways that break the very core of this universe#or smth like that idk. Im just rambling abt nonsense at this point lol#but yeah I imagine the sain to be both trapped and stretched across time#most things exists whinin cycles of cycles but the saint takes that concept to the extreme#most things much more so develop and change as time moves forward but the saint kind of just is#but like. is a lot. like there's a lot of them. but that them is stretched like super thin#they overlap themself and keep stretching to infinity#and with that sort of overlap it makes sense that in what conscious state they do have they simply experience each overlap eternally
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Honestly I do not know how much longer I can be Like This (:
#on this outside i am (:#on the inside i am [vibrates with repressed emotions]#i literally feel like im about to explode. i dont have a therapist anymore so im just venting here lol forgive me#but man. i hate being this way. i hate feeling like this and being a burden bc i have emotions#i dont know how to express negative emotions right. i feel stupid and angry and upset.#im so. so tired of feeling like this. i wish i could just hurry up and get my meds but ive got another 3 weeks until my insurance kicks in#three more weeks of being like this. I dont know how im going to do this.#banging my head against the wall in hopes that it jolts whatever the fuck is wrong with my brain and I can be a normal human being#rain complains#vent#if anybody needs anything tagged pls let me know!
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im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great
#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college#but. idk im living through it#gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words#its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh#but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so#so light i guess#it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk#so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else#and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache#but idk. i felt. really good#you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues#where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed#and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out#and like. man#its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool#they just odnt hold up anymore#i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment#i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live#and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no#what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill#but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me#idk at this point im just rambling#dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray#schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life#im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that#i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare]#at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had.#if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy#sg.txt
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NO LISTEN. LISTEN. I CONCEALED THE TITLE ON PURPOSE BECAUSE... IDK what it is but I have a tendency to like things that would be hard to watch for one reason or another for MOST of the runtime but then by the end it's like Oh So This Was GOOD Actually? Oh So My Brain Is Rewired?
And then it just becomes IMPOSSIBLE to recommend because I have no idea if The Majority Of It would actually be worth the conclusion to anyone but me😭😭😭SP is along those lines, sort of, but I've at least seen success with that... but this is also the case for my favorite Tsutsumi movie of all time, actually... alas...
Nevertheless. The show is called After the Rain! I think it was originally a manga and it has a live-action adaptation too [criminal not to actually cast Tsutsumi in either In My Opinion but FINE I GUESS]. It's about a former track star in high school, Akira Tachibana, who works part-time at a restaurant and has the MOST EMBARRASSING crush on her manager, Masami Kondo, the character I showed you before, who is Tsutsumi But As A Middle-Aged Divorcee With A Son. They befriend each other and help each other come to grips with the future and the past, respectively.
I was afraid of the obvious because a lot of media that tries to do this ends up making it fucking weird... like, this sort of dynamic means a lot to me for personal reasons and I've been burned too many times by characters I'd come to love and trust... but naw... my man Kondo is Normal About It that's all that matters to me... I had to breathe SUCH a sigh of relief...
I really don't like that the camera is sometimes not normal about Akira, though, it undermines the actual themes of the show a bit. IDK, I'm hypersensitive, I expect it's nothing super egregious compared to a lot of other media, but it's just disappointing because SOMETIMES there's artistic merit in terms of representing what Akira's feeling and other times it's just totally unnecessary and introduces a tonal clash... SPEAKING OF THERE IS A GUY WHO IS NOT NORMAL ABOUT AKIRA AND THE ENTIRE PLOT THREAD IS BASICALLY JUST DROPPED BECAUSE HE'S HARDLY EVEN IN THE SHOW AFTER THAT... I WANTED CONSEQUENCES...
But if nothing else, that's not even exactly why I said it's a hard watch, the actual reason is the NUCLEAR levels of secondhand embarrassment for like two thirds of the show. Like GIRL he is NOT INTO YOU AND HE SHOULDN'T BE... GET A GRIP OH MY GODDDDDDDD................. but like, I was That Girl when I was her age, right, so the fact it had me imploding thinking back on everything is a testament to its accuracy overall. Probably.
And NGL that type of dynamic is basically how I conceptualize RGGJo and Arakawa when they first met... Jo and Akira may be cringe-ass teens but I got a soft spot for it I do... it can be FUNNY... it can be WHOLESOME...
All of that being said, the last third or so might as well be a different show, and it kind of blows the rest out of the water for me. Maybe because it focuses on Kondo and Akira separately? But it's free of literally anything I could possibly complain about. I ain't mad about the first two thirds, it does set up a lot of what made the last third so enjoyable... buuut...
ANYWAY that's ENOUGH OF THAT I am CUTTING MYSELF OFF THERE I've gone on for WAY TOO LONG ABOUT SHIT NOBODY ASKED ABOUT☠️Not like you can say anything to All That I just don't have anybody to talk to about it☠️and despite the fact I'm still not REALLY Recommending It and don't think it sounds appealing from my description, I feel like I probably shouldn't talk about the endgame stuff I'm obsessed with so☠️☠️☠️Anyway. If NOTHING Else. Funny as hell to have Tsutsumi as the basis for The Perfect Middle-Aged Man... SOOO true...
YAYA the DQXI demo goes like, up to just after you get the? Twins? in your party. And you can keep playing the game without progressing the story + continue your save in the full game so technically speaking I COULD grind until I'm overpowered... but I shan't... I'm not positive when I'm getting it since I still wanna play the series in order... For Ichiban... [<- see this is RGG-related now]
It is SO sick to actually get to play though, that's awesome! Toriyama's worked on some bangers what can I say... My first DQ was one of the DS remakes, probably DQV, but the only DQ game I've ever actually finished was the Rocket Slime spinoff. Very Fun By The Way genuinely one of my favorite DS titles... but THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE... regardless... Arachtagon is not in the demo but I can believe he's a bitch to fight given one of the top results is this ☠️
So I'm glad you're past it and are having fun with the game :] I loved your comic SOOO SO SO much so having that bit of background on makes it all the more enjoyable! I had my own comic about RGGJo losing his mind "babysitting" Ichi and watching him grind for hours on end which was also lowkey about my experience with DQI... lol... lmao even...
I'M SORRYYYYYY THOUGH I TOLD YOU SP WAS SLOW TO START FOR A REASON 😭😭😭😭It took me a while to notice but title sequences are always something like Episode III Part I so they're almost all multi-ep arcs... threw me for a loop... Okay that's enough from me Jesus fucking Christ I am SORRY for going on this long but just I have to say:
inoue's chara is so funny like He's Super Human um doc… i think he's just autistic lowkey….. he still a baller regardless tho
REAL AND TRUE AND REAL AND TRUE AND REAL AND
and i've already added it to the To-Watch list :) NO BUT REAL I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL- in trying to sell something but having to be like Here Me Out I Swear on it BUT I BELIEVE YOU THAT ITS GOOD. i know i can trust your word on something and i def appreciate the preemptive notes given before watching. im sure i'll enjoy it in the end: it looks cute and im glad it sounds like it's doing something better with a Touchy trope ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)�� biggest RIP to no tsutsumi in the live action but... cant be helped.....
NO BUT IT'S SO FUNNY CAUSE FOR MY COMIC I WANTED TO SEE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE'S 'HARDEST BOSSES' WERE AND I FELT SO SEEN IN SEEING ARACHTAGON AS AN OPTION..... funnily enough tho when i redid the fight it wasnt nearly as nightmarish as it was when i first did it but Again i think i was just better prepared... (also during my first attempt i had Literally the most fuck ass luck where my team kept getting stunned and dying but rab kept bringing them back to life and i Just Couldnt Die or even move so... Horrible First Experience Ruined A Game For Seven Months For Me (  ̄▽ ̄ ;;;;)). the first instance of DQ i remember seeing was DQIX and being liek 'hey they looks familiar :)' and ive just been watchin it since 🤭 ROCKET SLIME IS SO CUTE THOUGH if you had to finish ANY of the games im glad it was that one... i wish i got to play the series in order since I Like Doing That but im annoying about wanting to play things on The Official Console...
AH BUT IVE ALWAYS LIKED THE IDEA OF JO WATCHING ICHI PLAY A GAME i mentioned i had an abandoned comic about it but its still such a silly and cute idea.. id very much like to do something with it someday if not see others have fun with it cause i think they should have them silly family moments too..
NO IT'S OK I JUST FOUND IT FUNNY AN ARC WAS LIKE. 3-4 EPS WHEN AT MOST THEY'RE LIKE TWO i'm just about rapping up the ohashi arc and its SOOOOO good... i also love how the drama has a pretty diverse soundtrack that i notice a lot of other jdramas lack so thats DEF been a bonus plus all of the choreography (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) and real. inoue Is Just Neurodivergent that got solidified within me after seeing him mess around with that riddle book ☠️
#long post#snap chats#but SPEAAAAKING of cutting of asks im cutting it here good GOD this is long#its accurate that tsutsumi is just Iconic for being A Middle Aged Man that's just accurate.. cant explain it but i know its true..#i mean to save most of my chatter for the tags but. oops LMAO so i have nothing else left to say#other than im gonna start ep 8 now :) i really wanna see how this arc ends...#and then i just have three more episoes weh... but then i can start After The Rain :)#GETTING BACK TO THAT NOOOO ITS SOOO FUNNY cause i remember seeing the title of this drama#and being like 'what in the fresh hell is this' thinking itd be weird or just. What The Fuck#and i mean it WAS to an extent but no overall i left it just. ABSOLUTELY in love with it... it was really touching and light hearted#no freak shit moments either.. just ended up being a I Think This Is Whole story..#so uh yeah. i totally get how you feel tryna talk bout this LMAOO BUT AGAIN i know not to judge quickly#i always stick out to the end of shows and movies before making an opinion and Again i trust you for it to be good....#plus masami really is cute 😔 who am i to turn away an endearing middle aged divorced father 😔#OK I GOTTA GO NOW IVE REALLY GON ON TOO LONG BYYYE#THANK YOU FOR THE NEW SHOW REC :)))
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just finished and watched all of andersen’s resident evil films so that you don’t have to
#♱ ⁺ . ⋆ ˙ * 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰.#oughhhhhhgeehefPUGHHHHH I FEEL DERANGED#ngl. the first one and apocalypse were decent#first one was arguably the best#everything to went to shit when the writers decided the world also needed to go to shit#i guess my questions are 1. why did the world’s climate get worse even though human interference is non-existent#like. what’s up with that#2. did the events of re4 ever take place. bc why the fuck is the plaga a thing here if none of these people went to spain#and 3. i completely forgot alice had telekinesis . whats up with that#man. i shouldve watched this high#it wouldve been infinitely more funny#maybe im just an elitist but the pacing of these films drive me insane#esp the last one#andersen truly just throws random shit in these films and completely forgets about them later on#like. what the fuck happened to jill. what happened to leon#what happened to alice’s pseudo DAUGHTER#anyways. the films couldve been better if they let michelle rodriguez’s character live#much love to alice x carlos and alice x claire but i have always been an alice x rain believer
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Me, the last person for the question “so what are your plans for the break?” to come around to during lab meeting today: idk it depends on when my mom dies and how much of the ensuing work absolutely needs to be done by me in colorado, because otherwise I’m either staying here or maybe going to see my dad in CA
Everyone else, who has answered various kinds of “staying here/visiting family/etc”: 😨
Me: don’t worry she has brain cancer!! It’s been like this for like seven months now
Everyone else: 😨😨😨
Me: oh yeah no it’s a good thing, it’s a relief honestly, she’s like, very unaware and close to death at this point
Prof, who has known about this since July or so: it does get that way, you know. *waxes philosophical about death and how college is stressful and important, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not THAT important*
Prof: so on that note, I guess I should let you go! Have a good break everyone!! Congrats on finishing the term!!
Me: SORRY GUYS 😬
And then the prof and I had a nice very straightforward talk about how yeah, I don’t entirely know if I have to go, but it would be nice if I didn’t need to, and I’m not her executor but yeah it IS kind of weird that her boyfriend of ~5 years or so is, and hahaha well one of many reasons I’ve been mostly estranged from her are her weird decisions about things
But for real I’m very much looking forward to having some certainty about anything soon. Can’t wait to stop traveling as much. Can’t wait to just like, NOT think about death and brain cancer all the time and go down to my normal volume of calls from family members. Can’t wait to stop thinking about my mom all the gotdam time. I am TIRED let me REST
#AND IM GONNA DO THE SAME THING TO MY MAIN LAB TOMORROW LMFAO god#I AM sorry to like. rain on your parade#but I am also very tired of tiptoeing around a subject that I no longer feel emotions about#except for the one that’s like ‘I can’t fucking wait for this to be over’#mom’s dying. almost dead. shutting down. just is.#basically up until September or October it was extremely upsetting because maybe the chemo will work maybe the radiation will work#but even in September I was like no. no way she makes it out of this.#lbr this SUMMER I was like nah no way.#but you know. it’s as good a time as any for her to die#I don’t have many emotions or memories around Christmas that will be ruined by her death#it’s during a break so I’ll be freer to travel if need be#idk man bring it on#I just don’t want to deal with all of the fucking planning afterwards#please let someone else do all of that
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it was raining and pouring just now and i somehow didnt get muscle aches but did get a strong urge to stand like. half in the garden and it felt so GOOD like i got soaked and all you could hear outside was the rain but like no harsh wind or thunder and everything felt so peaceful and freeing like i felt that drew barrymore in the rain gif in my bones
#i know im dutch so theres rain like 200-300 days per year i fee#feel*#but man do i love it#and im SHOCKED bc covid and lack of sleep fucked over my body bad to the point i get sick after being in rain
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im genuinely like tweaking thinking about thomas again after months of my interest in toh as a whole being kinda dead in the water. like,,, GAEAUUGH. he really stays by belos' side til the very end.. and belos doesnt even know he died after their whole possession bullshit but it doesnt even MATTER cause then HE DIES LIKE SO SOON AFTER and eiwoadf,glh.jg. what if i beat up myself for making myself BAWL
#i feel insane talking about thomas stuff on here cause i have an ENTIRE au built to work him into the show but like#ive rarely talked about it here so its like im dropping insane spoilers every 2 seconds#like YEAH UM THOMAS IS DEAD <3 at least in the most canon version of the au#belos possesses him instead of raine (and he's been taking odalia's role with the collector) and his body gets so fucked up and weak during#that he physically cant keep going after belos leaves his body#but he died helping the man he loved so its totally fine guys <3 im not eye twitching biting my nails rocking back and forth <33#my ocs
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