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andnowanowl · 8 months

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Since "Palestine Speaks: Narratives of Life Under Occupation" is suspiciously not available in the US in the form of an e-book, I purchased a physical copy and wanted to share it here for anyone else also unable to get access.

MUHANNED AL-AZZAH

Artist, 33

Born in Al-Azzah refugee camp, West Bank

Interviewed in Bethlehem and Ramallah, West Bank

The Al-Azzah refugee camp in Bethlehem is barely more than an alleyway bordered by dozens of small houses jammed closely together. As one walks through the tight corridors, it's hard to miss the haunting murals painted on the walls of the houses. These paintings are taken from the Handala cartoon series created by the late Palestinian artist Naji Al-Ali.¹ In one mural, a girl's hair is twisted into barbed wire. The painting on another house shows gaunt refugees packing their bags and preparing to flee. On another house farther down the street, fat politicians wag their fingers at an emaciated man in rags.

The artist behind these graffitied murals is Muhanned Al-Azzah. With a full beard on his lean face, Muhanned looks the part of an artist. He's soft spoken but funny, and laughter accompanies all of our interviews. Muhanned's family gave the Al-Azzah refugee camp its name when they led the flight from their village in what is now Israel to Bethlehem during the Arab-Israeli War, or Nakba, in 1948.² For Muhanned, as well as many other refugees, the dream of returning to lands lost in 1948 (and during the Six-Day War in 1967) persists, even if little remains today of those farms and villages. This dream of a right to return to property long ago claimed by Israel drives much of the politics of resistance within Palestine.³

Muhanned is a prolific painter, and his work can be found both on the sides of buildings and in galleries around the West Bank. On the day of our first interview, he is preparing a collection of abstract paintings for a show in London. Muhanned's paintings explore different subjects, but his recurring focus is the three years spent in an Israeli prison. At the end of our first interview, he shows us his rooftop studio, his paintings, and the bullet holes in the walls from the night of his arrest.

MY FAMILY HAS BEEN IN THE CAMP SINCE 1948

I was born here in the camp, in September 1981. My parents were born here too. In 1948, my grandparents on both sides left our land, our original village, Beit Jibrin, which is northwest of Hebron.⁴ Even though I've never visited Beit Jibrin, I feel I'm from there. I know all its details, since I've heard so much about it from my grandparents. I know that it's our village.

I know the story of how my grandparents fled the village in October of 1948. One day the soldiers came with guns, planes, and tanks, and everyone in town fled to nearby caves. But some people came back to the village in the night to sleep inside their houses or get things they needed. Then Israeli soldiers entered each house. The first adult male they found inside a house, they brought him to an open space and shot him in front of everyone.The men knew that if they were caught, they might be arrested or shot, so they fled right away. The women followed with whatever they could carry. They didn't have much money, and they couldn't carry much with them. The most important thing was to bring documents to prove that they owned their houses and keep them someplace safe. Most villagers fleeing Beit Jibrin then came here to Bethlehem, where they set up a camp and named it Al-Azzah, after my family.

I have a twin sister, two younger brothers, and one younger sister. Life in the camp has been the same since I was a child. On a typical day, we wake up and the adults go to the main street to eat and talk, to speak about things that are important. Really, it's like cocktail conversation—the news of the day, what's happening with different families, what's happening with the houses in camp. We have political discussions every day, but only in the evenings. In the morning, politics will destroy your brain.

This camp has a little over 1,500 people living in maybe 120 buildings, all packed close together. Everyone knows each other—people spend a lot of time outside because we have such small houses. On the one hand, it can be useful that the community is so close. If a family needs work done on their house, people from the neighborhood will just show up and help. If a family is hungry, a neighbor always has food for them. But you can't expect any privacy here. If you make something good to eat, people are going to know about it and show up for a meal. If you just want some time to yourself, forget about it. You could be sitting in your pajamas trying to rest or think, and someone will show up at your house and say, "Hey, you wanna go get coffee?" It was especially hard for my sisters growing up. If they came home in the evenings even just a little late, everyone in the camp would know they were out late and gossip about them. The girls have an even harder time here than the boys, I think.

THE SOLDIERS WENT CRAZY WHEN THEY FOUND WRITING ON THE WALLS

I grew up dreaming of Beit Jibrin as a paradise. My grandparents always told us about how great life was for them there. Their home and garden in Beit Jibrin were as big as the whole refugee camp where my family lives now. All of my family has hoped that one day we'd be able to return there and live again in our own home.

That's why we were against the Oslo Accords in the mid-nineties.⁶ The accords officially made the land that Beit Jibrin was on part of Israel. For us, we've always wanted a single state between Israel and Palestine so that we can return to Beit Jibrin. We didn't want to accept the Oslo Accords, and some parties in Palestine didn't either. The PFLP opposed the accords and the idea of two separate states that took our land in places like Beit Jibrin and just gave it up to Israel.⁷ The PFLP also supported the right of return, the rights of Palestinians to reclaim land lost in the warduring the Nakba.⁸ So as I grew up, although there wasn't really a single time or event that led me to it, I came to join the PFLP. There were other things I liked about them too—they weren't a religious party. Hamas, that's the big religious party. And Fatah, that's the big party within the Palestinian Liberation Organization, they were always looking for compromise and were willing to accept two states.⁹ But the PFLP seemed like a fit for me-they represented my interests as a refugee from 1948. I'm not going to say much more about their beliefs, though, because I don't want this story to sound like propaganda!

As I grew up, I got more and more into art. My father was an Arabic Literature teacher, and my parents sent me to classes and workshops in Palestinian art at a young age. I grew up seeing art as a way of resistance, through graffiti. During the First Intifada, in 1987, there was no media, there was no radio to cover all that was happening in Palestine.¹⁰ But there were the walls of the houses. They were the only place for media. For example, if there was to be a strike the next day and everyone had to close their shops, there was no simple way to get the message out. So in the night, some people with masks would go into the street with spray paint and write, "Tomorrow, August 9, will be a day of strike for all the shops and schools." So in the morning, everybody could see it.

And every day, when the people went outside, the first thing they did was look at the walls. Sometimes the message was, "Next week, we are gathering for a demonstration on Tuesday." Sometimes there was writing about a martyr, someone who was killed in Bethlehem." The soldiers, when they came in the camp, they'd go crazy when they found this writing fight over on the walls. They would arrest people, and every day there was a who should clean it up. Some people cleaned it, some people refused. And it was very dangerous when artists went out at night to write on the walls.

I was doing some of the same sort of thing even as a teenager. Art was my own individual way of resisting, but we can't do much just as individuals to resist-that just leads to chaos, so that's why I joined the PFLP. More than anything I wanted a chance to go back some day to live in Beit Jibrin, and so a lot of my art has been about being a refugee, about wanting to return home.

After high school, I went to Al-Quds University in Abu Dis to study painting.¹² I also had a chance to study traditional arts in Morocco-decoration, Andalusian art, mosaics, and writing.¹³ When I returned home, I continued to study Palestinian art and culture, and I stayed politically active as well.

I was part of the PFLP through 2004, when I was around twenty-two. I met with other members and organized protests and other campaigns on campus. The Israelis considered the PFLP terrorists and an illegal political party, and so I knew that I could be arrested one day, and maybe even killed. But at that time I was feeling that we were under occupation and somebody must do something to change this situation, and anything anybody could do for Palestine was for the good.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST DISAPPEAR

Late on the night of April 15, 2004, I was home asleep. I slept in an apartment on the roof, where I also had an art studio. My whole family was there, and they stayed on the second floor of the building. We had a friend staying with us as well. My uncle's family lived on the ground floor. Suddenly I woke up hearing megaphones. I knew it was the Israeli military. They were ordering everyone out onto the street, demanding that everyone on the block come out of their homes.

I got out of bed quickly and my first thought was how I could escape. I went to the window and looked out. I saw my neighbors filing out of their homes, and Israeli soldiers were there with jeeps and vans—it looked like they were circling the entire camp. As I watched, the soldiers were moving toward our house, starting to circle it. Then they called out my name through the megaphone. They spoke directly to me in Arabic. "Muhanned Al-Azzah. You cannot escape. Put your hands up and leave the house."

I took my time, if I can speak freely, to hide whatever I didn't want them to take when they searched the house. I hadn't been part of planning any big operations or doing anything violent, but it was against Israeli law to even promote or be part of the PFLP. I guessed they were arresting me because someone had let them know I was organizing for the party.

All I could think was that I might die in a moment, and I asked God for just a few more moments to live. My adrenaline was so high, it wasn't a matter of being strong or not strong, just wanting to survive. But I took my time and put on warm clothes. I knew if I went outside, there would be no time to come back and get clothes. After a few minutes, they started shouting into the megaphone again. By this time, the rest of the people in my house were already outside. I started to see the red laser lights of their guns all over my room. They fired a couple of shots at the house. And they kept demanding that I come out, even as they were shooting at my window. I hid as best I could while I decided what to do next.

After some more time, they brought my mother from the street to my bedroom door. She told me to open the door, that it was safe to go outside. So finally I opened the door and went out with five laser sights hovering over my body. I was terrified.

My neighbors were all outside their houses sitting in the street in the middle of the night. There were maybe fifty people, my family and neighbors, watching and waiting for me.

The soldiers didn't tell me why they were arresting me. They told my family they needed to speak with me for five to ten minutes and then I'd come back. My mother was crying, but she couldn't move because there were a lot of soldiers surrounding her. She couldn't tell me goodbye. My family knew I would come back, but not when-in one hour? One day? One hundred years?

After the soldiers handcuffed me, they put me in one of their jeeps, and we drove for what seemed like a couple of hours. We ended up at Al-Muskubiya in Jerusalem.¹⁴

The room where they took me was small-maybe eight feet by eight feet, white, with air conditioning. There was a white light, a table, and computer—these were the only things in sight, other than a chair in the middle of the room. The chair was fixed to the ground. They cuffed my hands behind the chair and chained my legs and hands to it. I couldn't move a millimeter.

Then they questioned me for two days straight. They'd be asking me questions for twenty or more hours a day, with three or four officers asking the same sorts of questions. They weren't really about anything particular—just questions about my life. They didn't even accuse me of anything. I started to get very confused and disoriented. I fell asleep hundreds of times, but just for a second each time. When they saw that I was nodding off, they'd throw water on me to wake me up. They pushed me very hard. Twice a day, they brought me beans and released one of my hands. They said I had two minutes to eat. After two days of being awake, sitting upright, not moving, my legs and hands became numb.

They'd also tell me things to break me down. They told me that my house had been demolished, that my family had been killed. They brought pictures of my younger brothers and told me they'd been shot. I didn't really doubt them, and I assumed I'd be killed too. Sometimes people just disappear, and I thought I'd be one of those people. I started to feel lost, just completely out of focus.

Finally on the third day, they let me know I was being held because of my association with the PFLP and because they suspected the PFLP was planning an attack on Israel. They wanted me to talk about it. I didn't know anything about an attack, but I also didn't want to give them any names of other people in the PFLP that I knew, so I stayed quiet. If I gave them names of other PFLP members, they would arrest them too. Sometimes they'd interrogate me for just a few hours a day, sometimes for twenty hours or more. When I wasn't being interrogated, they sent me to a small, gray room—less than six feet by six feet. If I tried to lie down to sleep, my head and legs would be pressed against opposite walls. If I caused a problem in this room, like making too much noise, they'd cuff me and leave me bound up for five or six hours. They gave me just enough food to keep me alive. After a week, they gave me a few cigarettes but no lighter.

Sometimes in between long sessions, they'd put me in a cell with other Arab men. These men would tell me their stories, say they were from Hebron or whatever, and then start asking a lot of questions about me. It was pretty obvious that these men were informants, part of the interrogation, and that their job was to get me to talk when I was feeling less scared, more relaxed. They'd say things like, "I told the Israelis everything, and now I can sleep. If you tell them everything, they'll be easier with you.”

I never saw sunlight. I never knew what time it was—evening, morning? I would sleep for a few hours, and I didn't know whether I slept for one hour or for one hundred hours. I didn't know what day it was. I didn't know anything. I spent a lot of time alone, and my mind was going, but I had something inside that pushed me to stay strong.

JAIL IS A TIME TO MAKE AN EVALUATION OF YOUR LIFE

After about four months in Al-Muskubiya, I was taken to military court.¹⁵ There were around twenty soldiers there, all with guns. I felt alone and threatened, and I think this was part of the game. They wanted to scare me in any way they could. But I felt strong, because I was not just one person, I was one with the Palestinian cause. I was a civilian, I had the right to resist occupation, and I didn't care about what they would accuse me of. I didn't listen to what they said, really. They charged me with political activism, activity against the Israeli state, and being a member of an illegal political party—the PFLP. They had no evidence against me that I was part of any attacks on Israel, just that I had promoted the PFLP. They gave me three years.

I was taken to a prison near Be'er Sheva around August of 2004, not quite four months after my arrest. The amazing thing was that the route that the prison bus took to get to Be'er Sheva took me right through the site where my home village, Beit Jibrin, used to be. I had never seen it before, so I tried to see as much as I could as we passed through. When I saw the village, I was shaken. My grandparents had said so many good things about it, about the good old days. I had dreamt of it as a paradise. But the land was barren except for a few trailers that make up an Israeli settlement. There was an old mosque, and lots of ruins—old stones and parts of buildings that were thousands of years old.

My grandparents had been driven from their home by force, and here I was seeing it, again only by force. It was hard. I was alone. It reminded me that I wasn't with my family, and I always imagined I'd see the village some day with them. It was a bad, lonely feeling. It was almost like I had woken up from a coma—I couldn't make sense of everything that must have changed from that time before 1948, a time I knew only in my dreams.

Life at the prison at Be'er Sheva took some time to get used to. I spent most of my days inside my cell. The cells were about ten feet by fifteen feet, and there were seven people living in each one. There were bunk beds for each of us, but we couldn't come down from the beds all together at the same time because there wasn't enough space to stand. For example, when we wanted to clean the room, only two people could do the cleaning.

Everyone was from different places. Some people were very old, some people were young. Some had ten or twenty years in jail, and some had one year. If you wanted time alone, you had to pretend you were sleeping. From the first day, I began to get to know the other prisoners pretty well. Social relations in Palestine are very close—there are strong connections between Palestinian people. So you can find somebody in jail whose brother or friends you know and you can speak with him.

We had two opportunities to leave our room-once in the morning and once for an hour in the evening. We walked outside in the prison courtyard. In my section there were over a hundred people, but only forty people could fit in the courtyard. So forty people entered and walked in a circle in rows, four to a row. We had one hour, so we walked half an hour clockwise and half an hour counter-clockwise. One of the prisoners would clap when half an hour was up and then we'd walk in the opposite direction. As we walked, I thought, This is the circle of our life, of every day. And when we start at this point, after one hour we will be back at the same point.

The courtyard was mostly covered, so there was barely any sunlight even on bright days. Most of the prisoners started to feel sick, just from lack of sun. There were some small windows in the hallways outside the rooms, and if you wanted to get sun, you had to go there in the morning. But there was a pecking order. I was new to the prison, and there were older people who had been in jail for twenty years and they were sick, so it was more important for them to be in the sun than me. I didn't really see any sun for over a year.

Slowly, my mind started to bend and adapt to life inside cell walls. Jail is a time for each Palestinian to sit with himself, a time to make an evaluation of his life. And it's an important, powerful experience to have the time to learn and share stories with people in jail.

Sometimes we found somebody sitting by himself in the room with his mind on the outside world, and we knew we had to keep him from feeling alone. If any of us prisoners began to live with our mind outside the jail, we would start to feel down, depressed. So we would give each other a little time to think those thoughts, but if we saw someone looking pensive, we would go to him after maybe half an hour and start joking, discussing things, anything, just to keep him from getting lost within himself.

I was in isolation a few times—sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a week. This could be for something like having contraband, like cell phones. It was very bad in isolation. There was no bed, just a small room with a mat on the floor that you slept on. You had five minutes to go to the bathroom and do what you want, shower, clean—just five minutes. And then you came back to the small cell. Some people spend years in isolation.

There were often conflicts with the guards inside the jail. We would begin to shout or knock on the door and they would come and shoot us with pepper bullets.¹⁷ The bullets cut your skin and the pepper goes in.

The guards searched the room several times each day. When they did these searches, they would bring at least nine or ten soldiers to every room. Sometimes they came just to search. Sometimes they came to bother us. They might come at three in the morning, when we were sleeping. Within a second they'd open the door and nine soldiers would enter with their guns, shouting, "Get down! Put your hands up!"

Still, we were able to hide things sometimes. One thing that was important to us was a cell phone. We used the phone to get news, to talk to our families. At one point, it was my job to hide the phone every evening. We would take it out at six o'clock in the evening and use it until ten, twelve at night, and then hide it. I hid it in a lot of places—for example, we put it in the floor. We cut out a little bit of tile and put it underneath. But you had to be very fast and careful because when the guards came, they searched everything, even the floor sometimes. One time, they brought in a metal detector, and they were able to find our phone that way. They took it, and as punishment they took away visits for two months.

THEY WANTED MY FAMILY TO FEEL LIKE THEY WERE IN JAIL TOO

During the whole time I was under interrogation in Jerusalem, my family had no idea where I was or what was happening to me. Toward the end of my time in Jerusalem, someone who knew me from the camp spotted me as I was being escorted down the halls to or from interrogation. This guy told his mother about me when he got out, and then his mother told my mother where I was. Then my mother and father went to the International Red Cross to ask for permission to see me.¹⁸ Finally, two months after I was transferred to Be'er Sheva, they came to visit me.

When I first saw them, my mother had been crying. She was behind a pane of glass and we spoke into telephones. It was difficult for me and it was difficult for her, because we knew she was going to leave after forty-five minutes. During the visit I told them, "It's okay, I'm good. We have a big space, and TV, and the food is good. We have meat, we have chicken every day, we have juice, we can drink what we want." And all of that was a lie to make her feel better about the situation. It wasn't easy, because I knew if anybody was released from jail, they would tell her what was really going on. And I knew that she knew I was lying, but she didn't want to say it.

But she wanted to keep my spirits up as well. I kept asking about what was happening outside, and she told me everything was good—this friend was getting married, this one was about to graduate from college. There were a lot of bad things she didn't tell me about. I know she lied because she wanted to give me a nice picture of the outside. So we were lying to each other just to keep each other happy.

My parents came twice a month. It was hard for them to visit the jail. They'd get on the bus at four in the morning and wouldn't arrive until noon, and the visits were only forty-five minutes long. They wouldn't get home until at least seven or eight at night. Sometimes when they came, the prison guards told them, "He's not here, we took him to another jail," or "He's in court." It wasn't true. Once, another prisoner coming back from a visit told me, "Muhanned, your family is waiting outside." I changed my clothes for the visit and waited for my turn. But every time I asked the soldier about it, he said, "Not now, not now." Finally, visiting hours ended and the soldier said, "Your family didn't come." I told him my family was outside, and he went to check. When he came back he told me they had been there, but that they had to leave because visiting time was over.

You know, I didn't want my family to come. I didn't want them to spend all these hours just to come for forty-five minutes and sometimes not even see me. It was a punishment for my family. The Israeli authorities wanted to make my family feel like they were in jail too. So, one night, I used the mobile that we had hidden to tell them not to come anymore.

A couple of months after my parents first started visiting, my two younger brothers were arrested as well. The older of the two was sentenced to two years. He was nineteen. My youngest brother was given administrative detention for a few months-he was just sixteen at the time.¹⁹ I was the first, but my father and mother now say the Israelis have a map of the house since they've visited so many times.

When I was arrested, it was hard for my family. My mom didn't leave the house for a while. But after she came to visit me the first time, she began to meet people and she began to see there were people who would spend all their lives in jail. They had families, wives, and children that they'd never see. So this gave her some perspective. She thought, My son, at least he will get released. And she felt the same way about my brothers. I felt the same way, too. There were a lot of people who had twenty-year sentences. So I felt I was just in prison as a tourist.

After a year and a half, in the spring of 2006, I was moved again, this time to the prison in Naqab.²⁰ There I lived in a tent in the desert for eight months. There'd be maybe twenty of us in each tent, and huge walls around each section of tents. The walls were the same height as the apartheid wall.²¹ We were in the desert in June and July, the hottest time of year, under the sun all the time. It was like 104 degrees Fahrenheit, but we were just out in the sun. All the prisoners, they spent their time close to the wall trying to get shade. And there were so many bugs—mosquitoes, bed bugs. It was terrible. The only good thing was the other people, the other prisoners I met.

After the prison in the desert, I was transferred again to Shate Prison, near Nazareth, not long before my release.²² I spent a few months there. Then finally, in 2007, I was released.

I MADE MY ROOM LOOK LIKE THE ROOM IN JAIL

I knew the date I would be released, but not the place. They released me in Jenin.²³ It was very far from home, and I didn't have any money. I didn't have anything. In 2007, the situation in Jenin was not easy. I borrowed a phone from a taxi driver to call my family and tell them to come and take me back to Bethlehem.

When I got home, I found a hundred friends, family, and neighbors waiting for me at the camp. All of them wanted to carry me on their shoulders or to hug me. I had spent the last three years speaking and living with a maximum of seven people, and to be around so many people all of a sudden, so much commotion, was overwhelming. I was happy, but it was a little too much. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, and I couldn't focus.

The first day I slept in my own house, I woke up at six in the morning, alone. I had gone to sleep at four or five o'clock in the morning because I was celebrating with my family and friends, but I woke up at six because every day while I was in jail, we woke up at six to do the count.

For three or four months, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to speak with anybody. I didn't want to meet anybody. I made my room look like the room in jail—I filled it with some boxes to make myself a smaller space, and I had coffee and everything I needed around me in that one room.

Everybody who goes to jail has a lot of problems when they get released. For me, I had trouble speaking with more than one person at the same time, and sometimes I needed a long time to focus on all the details of a conversation. Also, sometimes I had a problem with—I don't know how to say it—feeling secure. For example, if I heard a voice outside, I had to go and see who was talking. If somebody opened the door to my family's house, I had to go and see who it was. Sometimes I'd be sitting in some public space with friends and I'd notice a person sitting behind us, staring at us. My friends, who hadn't been to jail, wouldn't notice that.

But still, I tried to get back into my life. I wasn't as active anymore with friends or politics. But I started school at Abu Dis again in 2008. I was going back to my old art program, the one I'd been in when I was arrested in 2004. My family is educated, as are many people in the camp. Work is not easy to find, and we are not in a normal country. So you must study to have something to do. Having a B.A. here in Palestine is like the same level of qualifications as finishing high school somewhere else. I have four uncles—one has a Ph.D. from Rice University, one has a Ph.D. in education, one is an engineer, the other finished his master's. Two of my aunts are getting their master's. It's the only way to make a living. My twin sister finished her master's and is working for her Ph.D. So getting a degree was very important to me.

Still, it sometimes felt like the hardest thing in my life to go back to university. I had been out of university for almost five years, and when I came back, all my old friends were gone. People who had been studying with me, they were now my professors at the school. I couldn't spend time with other students to discuss anything because they were five or six years younger than me. They felt the things they were discussing were very important, but I didn't care if I had Ray-Ban sunglasses or how much my watch cost or whatever. So I found a distance between myself and others. To be honest, I skipped a lot of classes.

I wasn't like that before jail. Before jail I was happy and proud to go in the morning to lectures, to attend university. I was proud of the books I was reading. But after jail, I was ashamed. I didn't want anybody to see me, having me going to school. I felt too old and that this time was finished for me.

But I also met someone, a woman who was about six years younger than me named Aghsan. Before long, we got engaged. But for a girlfriend didn't change much—it was still hard to adjust to being out of prison. For the Palestinian, the occupation changes everything, controls everything your mind, your life. Aghsan is from Ramallah, and it should have taken me one hour to go and visit her coming from Bethlehem.²⁴ But at the checkpoint, Palestinians are stopped for hours, even if you are just going to meet your girlfriend. At the checkpoint you don't know how long you will stay.²⁵

I had to tell the soldiers at the checkpoint that I had been in jail, because if I had not been honest when they asked, they would have checked and it would have been a problem for me. They asked a lot of questions. And sometimes they didn't ask anything, they just told me to get out of my car and made me wait. It depended on the soldier. If the soldier had a problem with his girlfriend, if he was having a bad day, he would make it a bad day for me. So during our engagement I would just go from Bethlehem to Ramallah to see my fiancée for a couple of hours and then head the opposite way to come back, and this was my whole world. After a while, I started to think the story of Romeo and Juliet was easier than my story. I thought, Why am I in love with a girl in Ramallah? London and Ramallah seem like the same distance. Is this really worth it? Sometimes I think the occupation will even stop love.

I also have had trouble at work because of my time in prison. I got a job at an organization called Addameer, a prisoner support and human rights association, a little after I started school.²⁶ It's difficult for me when I feel I'm under someone else's control. I don't want to be under control. This is a problem I have at work. I don't like signing in every day, having my actions determined by someone else.

I BELIEVE ART IS RESISTANCE

When I came back to university at Abu Dis, I spoke with my art teacher. I told her that I wanted to make art about the jail. She supported me because she said there were few artists like me who had experienced jail, even if there were a lot of artists who made prison the focus of their work. Palestinians and international organizations are always speaking about political prisoners in Palestine. Some Palestinian artists make posters, drawings, paintings, and they often depict prisoners as very big and strong, as guys who can destroy the walls of the jail. But I wanted to do something different. I wanted to speak about prison, about life from the eyes of a prisoner. My art was about how the prisoners see the outside world. I painted the bars of the windows, because that's the view we knew. We never saw a view without the fence, without the windows. And when I went to visit my family, my mother, she was on the other side of the glass. So when I was looking at my mother, I saw my mother, but her face was never completely in view. I've painted glimpses of faces and people and houses and cars on small square canvasses to represent the way the outside world appears to prisoners, seeing the world through these little screens, through small glimpses.

I had an exhibition in London in 2011, and also one in Jerusalem, and a third one in Bethlehem. I am proud of that. But I know these paintings I made, somebody can take them for money and put them in his house and close them up. So the maximum number of people who will see these paintings is ten people, twenty people. But I believe that art is for all levels of society. I am from a refugee camp, and I am drawing for the poor people in Palestine, not for the bourgeoisie. I'm not doing a painting to keep it inside the house.

After I was released from jail, I started doing graffiti. Sometimes I and a couple of other artists used stencils, because we did a lot of painting in places where we are not allowed to paint, so we had to go fast. I did graffiti in the main street to let everybody see the drawing.²⁷

I believe art is resistance. The graffiti in Palestine, it's not like the graffiti in any other place in the world. Because when you write something on the wall, this means it has a connection with the First Intifada and the revolutionary time.

When I make my art, it feels that I am giving something to my homeland and sending my message to the rest of the world. I paint because I'm speaking for thousands of people nobody knows about the people in jail. Many of them have been living for thirty years or more in jail. Few people speak for or about them. There are 12,000 people incarcerated in military jails. Why people don't know about them, I don't know.

If you live in Palestine, you have big problems—much pain, much suffering. I am painting to change that, to help ease the pain. Many of us are not fighting with guns, but we find our own way to resist. We may lose our lives or freedom, but we are working for the lives of our next generation.

---

Footnotes

¹ Naji Al-Ali (1938-1987) was a political cartoonist who criticized Palestinian politicians and the state of Israel. A recurring character in his artwork was Handala, a faceless ten-year-old Palestinian boy whose story represented the Palestinian refugee experience.

² Members of the Al-Azzah family had been leaders in the region of their former village ever since revolting against Ottoman rule in the nineteenth century. After many of the residents in their community fled to Bethlehem in 1948, the refugee camp was named after them, in recognition of their prominence.

³ From the glossary -

two-state solution: A proposed peace plan that would create a separate Palestinian state and define clear boundaries between Israel and Palestine. Peace process plans since the First Intifada between Israel and the Palestinian Authority have targeted a two-state solution rather than a one-state solution.

⁴ Beit Jibrin was an Arab village located thirteen miles northwest of Hebron and twenty-five miles southwest of Jerusalem. Before 1948, the population was a little under 3,000. The village was depopulated during Israeli raids in the 1948 war, and there is currently an Israeli settlement on its former location called Beit Guvrin.

⁵ From the glossary -

Arab-Israeli War: A conflict between newly formed Israel and neighboring Arab nations that has shaped Israeli-Palestinian relations since 1948. Tensions between Jewish and Arabic residents of the British Mandate in Palestine (1923-1948) were high leading up to the 1947 United Nations announcement of partition of the region into a Jewish nation (Israel) and a state for the region's non-Jewish Arab population (Palestine). The Arab League, an organization of neighboring Arab countries, opposed the partition plan, and declared war on Israel in May of 1948, immediately after Israel officially declared statehood. The war between the Arab States and Israel lasted until armistice agreements in the spring of 1949. During the war, more than 750,000 Palestinians were displaced from their homes, and Israel annexed 60 percent of the land that had been demarcated as Palestinian territory under the 1947 U.N. partition plan. Palestinians refer to the war and its aftermath as the Nakba, or "catastrophe," and much of Palestinian politics today is driven by the claimed right of families to return to lands they were expelled from in 1948.

⁶ From the glossary -

Oslo Accords: A series of negotiated agreements between the leadership of Israel and the Palestine Liberation Organization starting in 1993, during the height of the First Intifada. The goal of the accords was to institute a peace plan and create an interim Palestinian government in anticipation of eventual Palestinian statehood. The Oslo Accords led to the creation of the Palestinian National Authority (subsequently called the Palestinian Authority), a temporary governing body formed from the administration of the PLO.

⁷ The Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP) was formed in 1967.

⁸ The "right of return" refers to a political position that Palestinian refugees and their descendants should be permitted to reclaim land and property that they were driven from in the wars in 1948 and 1967.

⁹ From the glossary -

Fatah: A left-leaning political party that makes up the majority of the Palestinian Liberation Organization coalition. Fatah was founded in 1959 largely by Palestinian refugees who had been displaced by the 1948 Arab-Israeli war. After its founding, Fatah had several militant wings and conducted a number of military actions against Israel, and Israel targeted military and non-military elements of Fatah.

Hamas: A political party founded in 1987 as an offshoot of the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood. Hamas is a Sunni Islamist political party, and its stated aims are to liberate Palestine from Israel and establish an Islamic state in the region that now encompasses Israel and the occupied territories. Hamas gained greater influence in the early 2000s, surging to power on dissatisfaction with the Palestinian Authority, which many Palestinians viewed as corrupt and willing to cede too much to Israel in peace negotiations. After winning parliamentary elections in the Gaza Strip in 2006, Hamas solidified its power in Gaza after violent skirmishes with opposition party Fatah. By 2007, Hamas had effectively taken control of Gaza, driving the Palestinian Authority from power there. Because Israel views Hamas as a terrorist organization, it imposed a crippling economic blockade on the Gaza Strip following Hamas takeover. In the spring of 2014, Hamas and Fatah announced a political reconciliation, though to date Hamas remains the sole power in Gaza.

Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO): The Palestine Liberation Organization is a coalition of political organizations that was formed in 1964 with the aim of creating an independent Palestinian state. The PLO was first formed in the summer of 1964 during a meeting of the Arab League, and was composed of numerous political and military factions, including Fatah and the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), Yasser Arafat led the PLO from 1969 until his death in 2004. The coalition was considered a terrorist organization by Israel and the U.S. until 1991. After negotiations known as the Oslo Accords began in 1993, the PLO became the official governing and diplomatic body of the Palestinian people. In 1994, the Palestinian Authority was formed out of the organizational structure of the PLO and chartered as an interim government of Palestine for the duration of peace negotiations between Israel and Palestine.

¹⁰ The First Intifada was an uprising throughout the West Bank and Gaza against Israeli military occupation. It began in December 1987 and lasted until 1993. Intifada in Arabic means "to shake off."

¹¹ Palestinians use the term "martyr" generally for anyone killed by Israelis, not necessarily someone who died while fighting. Although originally a religious term, it is now used by religious and secular Palestinians alike.

¹² Al-Quds is a university system with three campuses in the West Bank, including one in the city of Abu Dis, which together serve over 13,000 undergraduates. Abu Dis is a city of around 12,000 people just east of Jerusalem. Al-Quds is the Arabic name of the city of Jerusalem.

¹³ Muhanned is referring to the art and culture from Spain during the 800 years when it was under Muslim influence. In 710, Islamic armies succeeded in conquering large areas of Spain within a short span of years. The conquerors gave the country the name Al-Andalus.

¹⁴ Al-Muskubiya ("the Russian Compound") is a large compound in Jerusalem that was built in the nineteenth century to house an influx of Russian Orthodox pilgrims into the city during the time of Ottoman rule. It now houses a major interrogation center and lockup as well as courthouses and other Israeli government buildings.

¹⁵ Up to this point, Muhanned was being held in administrative detention, a system that allows Israel to indefinitely detain Palestinians without specific charges.

¹⁶ Eshel Prison, near the Israeli city of Be'er Sheva, is a maximum-security facility that was opened in 1970. Be'er Sheva is a city of over 200,000 people located sixty miles southwest of Jerusalem.

¹⁷ Pepper-spray projectiles are weapons sometimes used to incapacitate and control crowds. Each projectile ball fired from the weapon contains chemicals such as capsicum, which is also used in pepper spray. Though they are intended to be non-lethal, deaths have been reported from the use of pepper-spray projectiles.

¹⁸ The International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) is an organization that monitors prisoner rights around the world, among other functions.

¹⁹ From the glossary -

administrative detention: A legal procedure under which detainees are held without charges or trial. Some forms of administrative detention are legal under international law during times of war and while peace agreements are negotiated between opposing factions. Many of the detainees in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, are held by the United States in administrative detention indefinitely, and the procedure has also been employed in Northern Ireland against the Irish Republican Army and in South Africa during the apartheid era. Administrative detention was employed by the British against Jewish insurgents during the British Mandate of Palestine, and the Israeli military adopted the practice at the formation of Israel. In 2014, Israel has held as many as 300 Palestinians in administrative detention. Though each term of detention is limited to a set number of days (usually a single day to as many as six months), detention can be renewed in court, meaning detainees can be held indefinitely without trial or charges. Though article 78 of the Fourth Geneva Convention grants occupying powers the right to detain persons in occupied territories for security reasons, it stipulates that this procedure should only be used for "imperative security reasons" and not as punishment. During the Second Intifada, Israel arrested tens of thousands of males between the ages of fourteen and forty-five without charges.

²⁰ The Ktzi'ot Prison is a large, open-air prison camp in the vast Negev desert (Naqab desert in Arabic), located forty-five miles southwest of Be'er Sheva. Ktzi'ot was opened in 1988 and closed in 1995 after the end of the First Intifada, and then reopened in 2002 during the Second Intifada. According to Human Rights Watch, one out of every fifty West Bank and Gazan males over the age of sixteen was held at Ktzi'ot in 1990, during the middle of the First Intifada.

²¹ This is a reference to the barrier wall separating Israel from the occupied Palestinian territories, which in many places is twenty to twenty-six feet high and made of triple-reinforced concrete.

²² Shate Prison (shate means "hot pepper" in Arabic) was opened in 1952 and houses 800 prisoners.

²³ Jenin is a city of almost 50,000 people on the northern border of the West Bank. It's located over sixty miles north of Bethlehem.

²⁴ Ramallah is the de facto administrative capital of Palestine. It is about thirteen miles north of Bethlehem.

²⁵ From the glossary -

checkpoints: Barriers on transportation routes maintained by the Israeli Defense Forces on transportation routes within the West Bank. The stated purpose of the checkpoints in the West Bank is to protect Israeli settlers, search for contraband such as weapons, and prevent Palestinians from entering restricted areas without permits. The number of fixed checkpoints varies from year to year, but there may be as many as one hundred throughout the West Bank. In addition, there are temporary roadblocks and surprise checkpoints throughout the West Bank that may number in the hundreds every month. For Palestinians, these fixed and temporary checkpoints—where they may be detained, delayed, or questioned for unpredictable periods of time—make daily planning difficult every month.

²⁶ Ramallah is the de facto administrative capital of Palestine. It is about thirteen miles north of Bethlehem.

²⁷ Most of Muhanned's murals are done with the permission, and even at the request, of the property owners.

#palestine speaks #palestinian voices #book exerpt #part 13 of 16 #the israeli soldiers going crazy at the writing on the walls reminds me of king belshazzar and daniel from the bible

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wykedstories · 18 days

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Chapter 4: The Coffee Shop.

As everyday starts this one starts the same. I woke up this morning at a crisp four am, and got my makeup and hair done. I'll admit I was so lazy today even I'm ashamed. I can't even blame it on being tired, it's just pure laziness. Instead of doing the whole eyeshadow and everything I just slapped on some mascara, eyeliner and, my shimmer lip gloss to complete a simple look. It's so early and I'm ready to hit the road so that Darcy and I can have breakfast. I slap my shoes on and make sure everything is packed neatly in my black backpack then I proceed to throw it over my shoulder and head downstairs. As I head downstairs I hear my mom and dad talking to my little sister Mia.

Mia has been at my grandparents since the weekend, she's finally home. I love Mia. She has the cutest little smile, let me tell you she's the cutest 5 year old ever! As for my dad he's normally out of state for work so he must have come home while i was sleeping! I walk into the kitchen where everyone is and I say my hellos and goodbyes quickly then head out the door to my car to pick up darcy! I hopped in the car and plugged my music in so that I could get the mood set for the day today. It's feeling like a Slipknot kind of morning.

As I get everything set up and my first song picked I see that Darcy messaged me. As I look at my phone I see “ Hey babes, we're still on for breakfast im up and ready to go see you soon!”.

I responded to her with “ awesome love i'll see you soon im on my way.”

Back to duality by slipknot oh the wonderful sounds of metal in the morning. I casually roll up to Darcie's house and she's just as casually standing outside waiting for me to get here like she is waiting for the bus.

“Hey girl hey, I'm so beyond ready for that chai latte that's calling my name!” she squeaked as she waltzed over to my car.

“Girl, no coffee for me. I am really trying to lay off the caffeine so I think I'm gonna get a refresher and a nice breakfast sandwich.” I responded.

“ Oh Leah common now after this week at school you definitely deserve that coffee. Get that caffeine girl you only live once! What happened to your large caramel macchiato with 4 shots of espresso and your bacon bagel?”.

“Yeah you are right fuck it im getting my coffee!” I sharply said back to her.

“ That's my Girl,” Darcy replied. Then we made the mutual decision to crank that music up and jam all the way to the coffee shop. Darcy was dancing in the passenger seat and boy was she having the time of her life. I love seeing Darcy happy. It literally makes my whole day when she has that goofy smile on her face. I was paying attention to driving when I noticed something really odd. There was this guy in a black hoodie walking down the road who looked hurt. He looked as if he was limping but I am not one to stop for strangers.

I thought about mentioning it to Darcy just because of the weird feeling I got from it, instead I just kept it to myself and onto the coffee shop I drove. We finally got to the coffee shop, not to mention traffic wasn't so hateful. I always complain about traffic but in reality I'm sure it's nothing like what New York City is. I couldn't even imagine driving in Vinces city. I bet driving is heaven here for him.

“Hey do you want to drive through or go in?” I asked her as I simultaneously turned the music down.

“I think we should go in and order if you're not opposed?” Darcy replied.

“Going in to order it is” I say loud and proud. We jumped out of the car like we haven't had coffee in months. As we walked up there was an older couple coming out so I stepped over by the door and opened it for them. You know it's the kind thing to do. I smiled at them when they thanked me and I told them to have a blessed day. Darcy and I walked in and ordered our coffee and breakfast that took about 25 minutes to long.

As we walked out the doors of the coffee shop I felt this wave of uneasiness go over me, I looked around instantly to see if something was going on and that's when I looked on the other side of the street and saw the guy in the black hoodie limping towards the coffee shop. I glanced over at Darcy and she was sipping on her coffee unphased, so I continued to ignore those uneasy feelings and went back to the car to head to school of the day.

#books #bookblr #reading #thriller #suspense #mystery

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benefits1986 · 9 months

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123123: Arrivals & Departures

Still so in love with Departures (Okuribito), a 2008 Japanese film.

Today marks the end of 2023 szn, and let me try to say adios to this very curious year, shall we?

Currently trying to fight the signs of aging and a probable flu as I've been exposed to my tito who came from Thailand and caught the virus. I also tried biking under bipolar weather conditions accompanied by cool winds, because, biking is a bitch; biking is life. I didn't go for the 100-km route to San Pablo because dad is shaking. LOL.

Still have too many things to do especially for work, but, here we are. I've been posting quite a lot on my feed but, this time around, it's an ode to the dear departed's loving memories, life and love lessons. I still evade the photos and videos featuring me, but, I allow some "must have" shots here, there and everywhere. DOUBLE DRAGON: MOTHER DRAGONS UNITED

This 2023, losing my last standing grandparent, my ina at 88 years old allowed me to face and manage my mom issues. I know I have been a loud and proud mother dragon's girl, but, as aligned with her in heaven and here at our tiny Manila home, it's my turn to make things happen and let things happen.

Speaking of which, I always ask mom to look after our house especially during times when I'd be gone for longer than usual. When we arrived this morning, all the lights I turned off and even the air con that I double checked with dad is on. Yes, mother dragon is not kidding when I said that she keeps our house intact. She had a "cold" welcome, her signature vibe. Dad said that it kinda reminds him of Casper, the friendly ghost. I never felt mom haunted our Manila house; however, I feel her at times especially this Q4 2023. This "paradam" is not intrusive, strictly speaking; but is generally comforting and challenging. Her Taurus trail is unapologetic, spot on and, yes, bulldozing a lot of times; but, she trained her dragon baby well. While I'm still learning and unlearning the ultra femme side of life with my Cancer-Aries twists and turns, I am certain that she's slowly clapping with her RBF on. While it's gonna be 12 years with her come June 2024, I know that this time around, kaya ko na talaga with feelings na. DOUBLE C CUPS

As I'm looking after two boomers in the family who are battling the Big C, I'm reminded of Tito Taurus' departure. I can say that roadtrips as a passenger princess being fed tabing-daan food keeps me up and has a bittersweet vibe now. I'm no longer overstimulated with the thought of dealing with lumps that are all off to palliative care. These days, I am able to talk to these two boomers with compassion as opposed to jam-packed action items, only. I'm more focused on the quality of life rather than seeing number bumps and vital stats booming all the way up. It's actually my best apology to Tito Taurus who I lambasted with very little lambing even days before he went under the knife. I know he's smirking right now and he doesn't give a damn about this apology; however, I also know that I'm fulfilling my promise to him --making better choices than he did; and just doing it with humility no matter how ugh it feels, sounds and looks. I just hope that these two boomers survive this crazy adventure and that they be surrounded with full support especially on the emotional and mental side of this battle.

Seeing them go down the drain still breaks my heart and soul; however, I'm hanging onto the studies that have shown that there's better chances of surviving this Big C bitch. Let's go. I know that the battle will end at their final destination, but may their days and nights be filled with living life to the fullest as they embrace the power of complete surrender after the fights they're facing and winning, so far.

CHOKE ME, DADDY... NO MORE

I'm also saying adios to my well-loved daddy issues, finally. Must be because dad is on takbong wonky B even when his 29er is adjusting way too much. He even said several times na matulin din naman pala my wonky B. So, I'd have to adjust with his pace also in the coming days, weeks, months and years. His holiday wish? For me to be gentler even when he's not gonna back down. LOL. "Anak, alam mo naman tatay mo, 'di ba? Init ulo talaga ako. 'Wag mo na lang akong masyadong patulan. Ikaw din naman naga-adjust 'di ba?" Hahaha. This line is actually his first official line to ask it nicely AND genuinely. May humility na siya now and syempre, his only daughter is more grounded, too. It's never gonna perfect, but, I know this is our new chapter, together and apart, too.

OH, BABY, BABY BRO

Since my brother has a new kid on the block, I'm actually stepping on the break more and more, as I try my best to be gentler with him, just like the old days. Unlike the old days, though, I come with "wisdom" as a Tita who has 7 and counting anak-anakans including him.

My brother usually calls me but I don't answer readily. LOL. The past weeks though, even when I'm not a fan of kids especially babies who just babble away, I try my best to engage with my pamangkin. I can't wait for him to grow up so we can bike with Ely. LOL. Matagal-tagal pa 'yun, but I'm patient naman sa antayan at ahunan, I guess. What bike to give these two babies kaya who'd be toddlers by then? Abangan! LOL. Shemay.

BABA, BLACK SHEEP

As my 4th anak-anakan shared, I'm not a black sheep. I guess it's her saying that I'm but postmodern. LOL. Kidding aside, as I come home to ina and ama's humble home in the sleepy town of Laguna, I'm faced with so many emotions that are being filmed and ready to be processed in the dark room where death and life come as one. It's not easy as our family is not the type who'd down tough conversations. However, I feel like as an empath, I am allowing myself to touch-base with them along with specific boundaries. Before, I'd go all out in checking on everyone. Happy to share that this is the first ever holiday that I didn't lift a finger. No stress about what to cook, bring, gift and all stuff and fluff. I'm now in my era where I share a bit of who I really am and who I am really not with them, too.

SOUL SIS SIZZLES

It's really nice to have soul sisters who are on different timezones because I get access to asynchronous responses and messages. LOL. While there are too many times I still forget to reply, I reply pa rin naman kahit mga ilang days na ang nakalipas.

And having them in countries that I like to visit one day is also an added push to do better and make more and more streams that are hopefully flowing steadily this 2024.

SCENTSATIONS Here's to revisiting the scents, the sounds, the feelings and everything in between involving past hurts, traumas and rejections. While at it, I'm totally ready to let these go. I think scents would be the trickiest because it rouses memories even those that I thought are no longer with me, those that were CTRL + ALT + DEL-ed ages ago. But, as I curate my tiny home outside Manila, I need these books to be closed, so I can open up new ones.

BATS, BATS: NO IF'S NOT BUTTS

As a sentimental scavenger which I got from mother dragon, this is easily one of the most curious tasks that is arriving officially this 2024. There are times when I ask myself the reason why I'm clearing out stuff. There'd be times when I'd think about dark thoughts, again and again. But, this time, I'd like to proceed with decluttering not only my physical space, but more importantly, my emotional, mental and spiritual space. It's time, finally. Let me be super clear that I don't aim for minimalism nor maximalism. I'm but trying to keep the old and the new in a state where they co-exist and make me feel more alive as I hopefully, breather deeper breaths. ULTIMATE DOG SHOW SZN

I need to work harder as a dog mom to my three dog kiddos. I know I'm quite decent especially when I've raised two 11-year old dogs for the first time in my life. LOL. However, I can sense their anxiety that obviously, comes from me. I think I've gone too far as a dogmom who gets unrequited love from them. While I know dogs love with no expectation, here's a version of me that's a bit gentler and kinder to them. GAH. Hassle pero sige, push na natin since they've really proven their worth through the years. Nothing fancy, just more bonding time and more treats for them at home.

ON YOUR KNEES, PLEASE

I've been more attuned with my prayer life, too. I'm still not big on the whole prod called praying in churches that much, but I guess, Uptown Chapel is a game changer. It's near work and not a lot of people go there. I hope that they keep the glass tinted because, there are times when I cry tiny tears even when I try to hold them back with all my heart and soul. LOL.

This Christmas Mass, I prayed for something that I've not prayed about since 2012. No other clue because it's actually a super passionate prayer that for me, myself and I. I don't know if it's gonna be a YES or NO or MAYBE SO, but, let's see, 2024! Gugulatin mo ba talaga ako ng tuluyan?

WHAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT WHEN I TALK ABOUT WRITING

There are still a good number of things that I'd like to keep to myself, for now. These are things that I consider in their brewing stage. I always tell people who try to reach out that I'm not an an open book, and that still holds true. However, I'd like to be more intentional and allow myself the benefit of the doubt in spite my still trusted issues.

I guess, I'd start with something that happened during my stay in ina's hometown. I actually talked about my adventures and misadventures regarding my dating history. Hahahahahaha. Shemay. Caught off guard with a series of sessions with really well-meaning titas and poof... I didn't salvage the discussions unlike before. In fairness, they enjoyed it and I must say that I had a decent time with them, too. I don't talk about my dating history in public because, I'm bleeding in scarlet sins.

They actually thought I have a non-existent dating life. LOL. Lo and behold, they are too excited for what's to come and I've got a reco/referral, already. Hahahahaha. Real quick, that one, but, as I've said: I'll keep on waiting 'til The Last One wins the real game. By game, I don't mean playing fucking games. Not anymore. Hodor.

Accio Always Era is here, there and everywhere for 2024, because, I guess, I'm ready for it. I'm still petrified, honestly, but, here's my giving things a really, really good try sa abot ng kapurit na kaya ko at kung anong ako at hindi ako. Editing my "checklist" because we've aged and gone frailer than usual, also. LOL. LABORA MAJORA

The wellness leave that has been overdue actually allowed me to look at my current work space from a healthy distance. It's different to be out of the office for quite some time, but I know I need this and want this especially as 2024 is here and now. It's not gonna be an easy year as I'd need to step up consistently and intentionally. However, I guess that I'm on my way to Ikigai era na rin because Japan is love. Also, I am giving me and V another chance to slay deadlines and beyond through my current job description and my current team, too. Losing V has been a solid push as I sink and swim in my new role that has been 6 months na pala rin. How time flies noh?

As the fireworks light up the sky this midnight, I'm doing the laundry while Vici is on my lap. LOL. I love how simple my YE and YO are. As in. In my ratty pambahay and Swiftie shirt from Linya-Linya pa. I love how I'm writing it out in mom's spot. I love how my lofi PL soothes me and keeps me up, too. I love how I don't indulge in an iced drink because I'm fighting a flu. I love how Vicks has an Xtra Strong variant. And I love how the peace is with me amidst the crazy putukan sa labas. I love the smell of fresh laundry. I love how Vidi and KD are fast asleep because they we're really tired from our uwi sa Laguna. I love how Vici, inspite being 11 is like a baby na akala mo first time mag-New Year. :p I love how I had cheese, prosciutto, rice and bottled tuyo with chili garlic bits. No alchohol, too. LOL. Baka bukas na or this coming weekend. I love how our YE lunch ni dad a while ago featured sinaing na tulingan and ginataang hipon na maliliit ala Laguna with pinya na ngayon. As a mababaw girly, this set up is best for me. :) Natawid ko rin, finally.

This is how 2023 ends, and how 2024 begins. Wala namang bago. Walang bago sa taon because it's but another social construct. However, this new year might actually be the start of the real me, only better, through it all. Still not a fan of festivities, but, ready to give each day and night a better try, maiba naman. Putukan na. Pasiklaban na. Pasavogue na.

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daydreambts · 2 years

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Seokjins uncles cooed as he heard seiya running back in. “Ahhh seiya .. your such a good boy.. aishhh thank you” he says as he bows to the younger boy chuckling at his excitement. He smiles at you as he sees Seokjin and his parents follow in behind you. “Of course .. anything for my favourite nephew huh Seokjin ?” He says with a smile at both of you. Seokjin walks up behind you and wraps an arm around your waist as he stands next to you watching as seiya hands out sandwiches to all the workers. “He definitely got his kind heart from you” he says remembering that was at one point what attracted him to you. How considerate and kind you were to people even people you didn’t know. He kisses your temple and walks over to seiya to help him hand Them out holding the box as seiya hands them to people. Seokjins mother grabs a basket and walks over to you and gently takes one of your arms chatting with you as you both watch them. Seokjin looks over waving at the two of you he was glad that everything had worked out today for the better. He helps seiya give out the rest of the sandwiches and helps him pick some strawberries with his father. Just glad his parents took to everything so well. - Seokjin rose anon 🌹

•━»•»🌸«•«━━━━━━━━•••

I chuckled at Seokjin’s words, leaning against his arm. “I think what he’s doing is more like you though; if it were me, I’d be awkwardly handing the box to someone. But both of you are friendly and good at making people feel comfortable.” I was the typical introverted artist who wasn’t that comfortable with crowds, but despite also being introverted, Seokjin had a sociable persona, that’s how he could be an actor. And Seiya was just as sociable and charming as he was. I liked to think that I had raised him well with concern for other people, though. I chatted with Seokjin’s mother when she took me aside to pick strawberries with her, both of us watching Seiya with his father and grandfather. When we were finished picking strawberries, Seiya’s uncle and his employees packed the fruit in boxes for us, adding a couple more for us to take. “Mama, we can make lotssss of jam!” Seiya cheered excitedly. “That’s right.” I tweaked his nose, smiling back at him. Seokjin’s mother and father would of course be heading to their own home, and Seiya’s shoulders slumped. “But Seiya wants to play with Halmeoni and Harabeoji,” he said in a small voice. “Remember, we’ll go their house next week. You'll get to spend more time with them.” I coaxed him gently. I tucked myself at Seokjin’s side as Seiya hugged his grandparents. “Halmeoni and Harabeoji won’t forget Seiya?” He pouted, his eyes sparkling. “Mother, Father, I’ll bring the dessert when we go visit. And also some of the jam we’ll make with Seiya.” I smiled up at Seokjin, glad that we’re having all these nice activities for Seiya.

#actor!seokjin #rose anon #bts roleplay #bts-roleplay #jin au #jin rp #jin fic #bts fic #bts rp #bts-rp

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whereisten · 4 years

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Devotion/Obsession

A Jaehyun fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Jaehyun is new to town and wants you to show him around. But the truth is, he has known you for a while..

Pairing: Lucifer!Jaehyun x female reader

Other Characters: Husband!Kun

Genre: angst, smut, horror

Warnings: cursing, alcohol use, cheating, stalking, obsession, possessiveness, smut: breeding kink, unprotected sex, nipple sucking, size kink, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), multiple orgasms, c*eampie, pregnancy, character death.

Word Count: 8.9K

(A/N: okay ummm...this is influenced by stories told in the Bible, I hope I do not offend you with my interpretation, Jaehyun in this is a huge stalker!! This isn’t love, he’s obsessed and it’s unhealthy. But I hope you guys enjoy❤️ THANK YOUUU ARI FOR PROOFREADING THIS FOR ME I LOVE YOUUUU❤️❤️❤️❤️😭)

——————

Long ago, there were two beings on Earth, Adam and Eve. They were created by God and tainted by Lucifer, the serpent. The serpent found himself in love with God’s creation, Eve, for she bears a striking resemblance to his first love, Lilith, whom God cursed and sent away.

God’s most beautiful angel, Lucifer, fell in love with Lilith even though he was forbidden by God to do so. He tried to fight for her in a war against the angels of Heaven, but was struck down to Hell where he could rule the dark. He saw Lilith become a demon. Her beauty had gone away as God made her ugly and it hurt Lucifer to even look at her anymore.

And so, Lucifer turned to Eve and loved her instead, polluting her mind, body, and soul and thus, causing her to be cursed by God as well. She was hidden by God from Lucifer. He grew angry and decided to continue to defy God by living on Earth and causing havoc on both small and large scales.

He went by the name of Jaehyun now, a strikingly handsome bachelor with a mansion on the outskirts of a popular city. He stayed on Earth at the exact point above hell where his throne rested so he could cause evil to run through the city unstopped.

He never forgot about Eve. After all these years, his soul still yearned for her. He cursed at God for hiding her from him and for taking not one, but two of his dearest loves away.

He would walk through the city and see all the couples enjoying each other’s company. They’d laugh and smile and he’d wish nothing but pain for them. If he couldn’t be happy, why should they?

Then one day..he saw her..he saw Eve.

————

You were packing away fruits, placing the oranges in an organized pattern so they wouldn’t fall to the floor of the supermarket. He saw you, delicately picking up the spoiled fruits and placing them into the bin to throw away later. You had a small smile on your face that made you look sweet and your fingers were soft, gentle. You looked at each fruit with adoration in your eyes, like you treasured the round balls of nectar as if they were made of gold.

He walked closer to you, still staring intently.

He wondered how you could exist, how you were here with her face, her body, her hair..you were her. It didn’t take long for him to notice the sparkling ring on your wedding finger. But he didn’t care about that, now that he had you, he would never let you go.

Even if you didn’t sound like Eve or looked at him the way she did when she was in love with him, he had to have you.

“Hello, can I help you, sir?” You turned to the man you noticed had been hanging around you for a bit too long.

Your voice was heavenly, it was the best thing he’d ever heard.

You were looking at him, awaiting his answer when you placed an apple onto the shelf. You didn’t see that placing it in that exact spot would cause for another to fall. But Jaehyun already knew.

He quickly knelt down beside you and caught the green apple as it fell.

You looked down at him and gasped. How could he move so quickly.

He stood up straight, still locking eyes with you. A smile creeps across his face.

“Here.” He hands you the apple as you look down at it still in shock.

“Oh..thank you.” You chuckled and took it from him, then started to walk away after feeling..odd.

He walked towards you. “Umm..excuse me, miss? I’m new here, and I just want to know..where can I find the best coffee?”

He looked down at your name tag.

“Y/n..” he says quietly.

His voice is smooth and nice, just as nice as his perfect face, you thought it ought to have been carved by God himself. His jawline was perfect and his eyes were magnetic, you couldn’t look away.

However, you should’ve. You were married after all.

“Oh..hmm about five blocks south, you’ll find Johnny’s Café, it’s quite nice actually.”

Jaehyun wanted to ask you to join him, just so he could talk to you, just so he could get close to you and have you firmly in his grasp, never to let you disappear again. But he didn’t, he decided to wait, if he scared you away, that would only make it worse for not only him, but for you as well. The last thing he wanted was to hold you against your will just because you resembled her.

“Thank you, y/n, I’ll see you next time.” He walked close to you and nodded slowly. As if hypnotized, you never let his eyes go while you nodded.

He walked by you, leaving you breathless and almost star struck, but who was he? Why did he have this interesting glow about him that made him stand out from everyone else?

Later that day, Jaehyun followed you home. His black Lamborghini wasn’t discreet to say the least, so he had to trail behind a few hundred feet. He could see you jamming out to music in your car as you left work.

You were adorable and happy, he loved seeing you like this.

He parked far away from your house, he walked over in a long black trench coat and watched as you went inside. You were greeted by a man that looked like...Adam..

His eyes grew into glowing red orbs, he tried hard to hold back his horns and nails.

“This is God’s idea of a joke, isn’t it?” He spoke to himself. Not only were you the exact replica of Eve, your husband was an exact replica of Adam.

You hugged your husband, Kun, hard and smiled widely, happy to see him after a long day at work.

The door clicks shut and Jaehyun stands there with steam escaping his hot ears. He had to figure out how to get rid of Kun.

————

[The Next Day]

You’re lugging around a large box of lettuce through the aisles when you see him..again.

“Hello, y/n, do you need help?”

You stare at him. “W-what are you doing here?”

He was handsome, you had to admit, your heart couldn’t stop beating like crazy when he showed up. He was stylish in his turtleneck and jean jacket. He smelled refreshing like amber and honey.

“What? A man can’t shop for groceries?” His dimples peeked through as he smiled and tilted his head.

“Oh-no it’s just, two days in a row?”

You furrowed your brows when you sensed something wasn’t right.

Jaehyun could tell that your heart rate was rising because of his presence, you looked around like you were nervous.

“I know, it’s weird, right? But the truth is..I just wanted to see you again..” he said huskily. You felt your chest weaken.

You put the box down and turned to him. “Oh so you’re one of those creeps? Well, I’m flattered but..I’m also married.”

“That’s alright..” he gave a small smile, his dimples showing through again. You turned away.

“So...what are you looking for today?”

“A friend.”

“A friend?” You chuckled.

He swayed from side to side and looked up to the ceiling. “Okay, I’ll get to the point..there’s a..korean barbecue place that I wanted to try..are you free after work?”

He was so strange but had an aura about him that you couldn’t ignore. His features were sharply defined and his eyes never let you go. You should’ve been creeped out but you weren’t, for he was warm and intriguing. Lately, you felt like Kun was so busy with work. You’d get home and wait hours for him, your friends were busy as well as they were either taking college classes or travel king constantly.

Sometimes, you felt you were alone, so why not start something new.

You hummed before answering.

Jaehyun watched your cute expression, the way you looked to the floor and stuck your hands in your apron.

“I guess..I am free after work.” You nodded.

Jaehyun nearly jumped up and down right inside the store. He grinned from ear to ear.

“Just don’t pull any moves, I’m married okay?”

You teased and felt your face become warm.

“I promise I won’t.”

The two of you went to dinner at the Korean barbecue place Jaehyun wanted to try. He was enraptured by you, caught up in your presence. He was so in love and you had no idea.

You told him about places to visit in the city and he told you about where he had come from. He made up a city and a backstory to relate to you, telling you that he had investments that started from his grandparents and that’s how he made money.. He’d do anything just to keep speaking with you, even if it meant lying.

He fought hard to hold back his naturally glowing red eyes and goat-like horns. He had to remain normal so you could become his soon enough.

And when you left him and went home, he stayed outside of your house once again, using his elevated hearing skills to listen to you speak with your husband.

Kun was talking to you about some new project he had in a city about two hours away. You stayed silent, disappointed that he would be gone yet again for a business trip. Kun was the senior architect and had to present, he couldn’t skip out on these trips as much as he wanted to.

“Listen, baby I’m sorry but you know how it is.”

Kun stepped into the bathroom as you brushed your teeth. He took his shirt off as he was about to shower.

You spit water out into the sink and look at your reflection, you were trying hard to hold back your anger. Kun stood behind you and watched you through the mirror with a concerned expression on his face.

“If I knew you were going to be gone all the time, I wouldn’t have married you..”

Kun scoffed. “Don’t say that, you know you don’t mean that, y/n.” He wrapped his arms around your waist and smirked through the mirror.

His hand went to your breast and cupped it.

“I mean it, Kun, how is this supposed to work when we have a family? I want us to both be present for our kids.”

Kun kissed along your neck, he knew you were ticklish.

You started to giggle. “Kun..stop, you’re distracting me.”

“Ahh baby, did you just say “our kids?” Are you trying to tell me something?” He squeezed your breasts gently

You turned to him and kissed his lips. His other hand reached under your frilly nightgown, bunching it up at the waist, and to his satisfaction you wore nothing else under it.

“Should we start right now? Should we have a family?” He brushes his clothed erection into your back as he presses his fingers over you already dripping folds. His deep voice always got you like this.

You gasped and looked at him through the mirror. Soon you were gripping the edge of the counter and crying out his name as he fucked you from behind. He grabbed your hair, pulling your head back so you could look at him through the mirror as you came all over his girthy cock.

Jaehyun heard it all, he imagined it was him bringing you to sweet paradise like he did long ago. He listened to your moans and imagined it was his name you called as your eyes rolled in the back of your head.

It pained him to have to pleasure himself as he imagined all that he would do to you. He was Lucifer, after all. He could have anyone in the dark world pleasure him without even asking twice, but he didn’t want just anyone. He wanted you, and soon he would have you right in his grasp.

————-

[1 Month Later]

Jaehyun was a regular customer at the supermarket you worked at, he’d come in at least once a day. You found it odd that he always knew when your breaks were, so he’d bring you coffee or a snack.

If he didn’t visit during his break, he’d wait for you outside so you’d go to a new place for dinner together after you clocked out.

You spoke about everything. He seemed so smart as he knew about every detail in history and taught you about the world and why things were the way they were.

You watched him intently, your eyes grew when he told you something so interesting, your heart started to race. Like the presence of aliens or ghosts and witches. They all existed and Jaehyun told you all of the evidence as you sat there, stunned.

And then, it was his turn to ask questions.

He finally asked about your husband, even though he knew everything about him.

He knew that he had a short temper sometimes but your fights would either lead to make up sex or him sleeping on the couch. He had watched you every night since finding you. He didn’t sleep, for even the thought of closing his eyes and losing sight of you made him sick to his stomach.

“My husband, Kun, is an architect. He works really hard, but he loves me and I love him. He’s really sweet, I never stop thinking about him. We got married about a year ago, and I couldn’t be happier.” You smiled as you looked down at your hot pot as thought of Kun.

“Ahh..that’s nice..he seems like a supportive partner, during your first year of marriage, have you fought a lot?” Jaehyun tilted his head while smirking.

“Nope! We don’t fight at all, we’re pretty chill, you know?”

You were lying to him and he didn’t like that, but he swallowed hard and smiled nonetheless.

“I see..” he nodded.

He realized that he’d have to work harder to get you to stop thinking about Kun. He’d have to sabotage your current relationship if he ever dreamed of being with you soon.

Killing him would be too easy, he’d have to make Kun so bad, that you’d run to him for relief.

———

[A Week Later]

You kissed Kun goodbye and wished him well for his trip. He quickly kissed you back and walked through the front door without a hug.

“Honey?” You called out to him. “Where’s my hug?” You pouted.

He threw his hand up and continued to walk towards his car. “Sorry, baby, gotta go!”

He had been acting strange these past few days, but you knew he was stressed so you brushed it off. You had had sex the night before but he wasn’t as gentle as he usually was, you could tell something had upset him as he choked you for the first time. You didn’t mind it, you were just surprised by how...different he was.

Little did you know that it was Jaehyun that was making his daily work more difficult. Kun’s important documents and files would go missing right before a presentation, his coworkers weren’t showing up for work, and his boss was always upset with him for some reason. He was starting to dislike his job and he wasn’t sure why, for this was his passion, but lately, everything seemed to be going poorly.

Kun was having difficulty sleeping as well. He’d have disturbing dreams of a place with fire and monsters with sharp teeth. He’d sweat and pant, and eventually be jolted awake in his bed, every night at 3:23 A.M. he’d go downstairs and watch something on TV or write down a few project ideas.

The lack of sleep definitely contributed to his poor mood, but he didn’t tell you for some reason.

Jaehyun watched Kun speed off. He smiled to himself, knowing that his plan was working, he was getting frustrated at work and began taking his anger out on you.

————

[Four Days Later]

You continued to spend time with Jaehyun. You lost track of time as you watched him speak. His dimples were adorable, his voice was intoxicating and you loved staring into his deep brown eyes.

He watches you play with your wedding ring as you nod and smile at him. His smile was like a blooming garden, his laugh was like heavenly trumpets. The two of you were flirting now, and he could tell from your heartbeat that you weren’t really listening to him, instead, you were fantasizing about him. The glances turned into stares.

You watched his lips and licked your own, your face was hot, but you furrowed your brows and looked down at your ring.

What were you doing? Were you getting emotionally attached to him? You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t hurt Kun.

You got up from your seat. “Well, it’s late.. I should go.”

“Noo.. don’t leave yet.” Jaehyun stood up and touched your hand. The disappointed look in his eyes ate away at your heart. You were developing a nice friendship, but a part of you was afraid that it was becoming something more, something that couldn’t be.

“You look stressed. Do you want a drink?..we can visit that new bar in town.” Jaehyun bites his bottom lip.

A drink did sound nice, it had been a while since you and Kun went out to a bar together and sometimes you did miss the atmosphere, you were young after all, everyone else in their early twenties went out.

Jaehyun smiled to himself as he saw you contemplate your options. He knew you were worried about Kun, but he also knew you needed to have some fun.

So you agreed.

The two of you went out to a bar and drank. You laughed and joked around all night. Jaehyun pretended to be affected by the alcohol, just so he could make you laugh and see your beautiful smile.

He dropped you off home at about 1 A.M after you sobered up a bit.

You turned to him and licked your lips. “You know, Jaehyun, if I weren’t married to Kun..I would date you for sure.” You giggled and leaned in close. And all Jaehyun could think was “yes.” He wanted to feel your plump lips so badly, he wanted to caress them and make love to you to relive the best days of his life, but now was not the time.

He backed away and held your hand while searching your eyes. “Y/n...you should go inside now..”

You sighed, nodding as you opened the door to quickly leave before you could embarrass yourself any more.

You go into your house and to your surprise, Kun is there, his face red and stern as he sat on the loveseat in the living room. The room was dark, lit only by a small night light in the corner and the moonlight from outside.

Kun was nearly fired by his boss during his trip. He was upset and frustrated, but what made matters worse was when he went home at 10 PM to see that you weren’t there. Then time went on and you still didn’t come home.

You smirked and put your bag down.

“Babyyyyy.. I missed you.” You start to crawl over his lap slowly.

He can tell from the drawn out tones in your voice that you’re drunk. He winces and turns away.

“Where were you, y/n?”

“Out with a friend..we had some drinks and talked.” You straddle him, placing his crotch in between your legs as you kneel over him. You then lean down and kiss his collarbone.

“Why are you home so late? Is it because you didn’t think I’d be home early?” Kun growled out. He wasn’t amused in the slightest by the way you were acting.

“No, baby, I just wanted to hang out with someone for a little bit, you know? I’m so lonely when you’re not here.”

You try to kiss his lips but he flicks his head to the side.

“Who’s this “friend?”

You gulp and straighten your body. You pout as you look down at him. “Baby, kiss me..don’t you miss me too?” You take the straps of your dress down before unhooking your bra and throwing it to the floor.

Jaehyun watched through an open window behind the loveseat as you kneel over an angry Kun. His eyes glow red and his horns grow out of his head as does the straining member in his pants. You in your drunken haze never noticed the pair of crimson eyes outside.

Kun doesn’t touch you or look at your breasts with nipples begging to be sucked. He wanted to take them into his mouth badly, but he was more focused on another issue at hand.

He wrapped his hand around your throat. “Tell me..their name.”

You smirked. “His name is Jaehyun..but we’re just friends, baby, I promise.”

Kun thrusts himself into you from below, grinding hard against your covered opening. You whimper and move your hips to rub your slit against him.

“Well..stop being friends with him, no guy just wants to be friends with a girl..he wants to fuck you..”

You grind down onto him harder, he squeezes his hand and grips your thigh.

“He doesn’t, he’s really nice and helps me at work sometimes.”

Kun digs his nail into your thigh causing you to cry out in pain. He digs into it so deep, he sees blood from your leg run onto his thumb.

But you reach under your dress and pull his boxers down. You still wanted him in your aching core badly, the pain only added to your yearning.

“Y/n.” He says sternly as he watches you align yourself with his hard cock. You sink down onto him slowly and let out a loud moan as it passes through the sensitive skin and rests deep in your core. You adjust to him quickly as you had already been built up by dry humping him before.

He squeezes your throat again.

“Y/n..”

You move up and down. “Yes..” you call out before licking your lips.

He grabs your waist with both hands and lifts you off of him.

“Kun!” You cry his name after being left empty.

“You’re not gonna get out of this so easily. If you want my cock, tell me you’re done with him.”

“But, baby..”

Kun shakes his head. “Don’t. I’m your husband and you should really take into consideration how I might feel when you spend time with men, when you fucking drink alcohol with men like..like some kinda slut.”

You gasped. “Slut?”

Kun nods. “Look at you, you’re just thirsty for any male attention. I work my ass off for a few days and you’re already looking for a replacement.”

“Kun, that’s not true.” You felt your chest rumble, as if you were about to burst into tears.

He flips you over onto the couch. “I’m your husband, aren’t I?”

You nod.

“Then do as I say, don’t go out with Jaehyun again.”

Before you can protest his thrusts into you hard and begins to choke you again.

He goes hard and fast as you mewl.

“Baby, slower, please.”

He bites your nipple and looks down at you to see your body tremble with each rough thrust he gives you, your lips parting to let out the most heavenly moans, your round breasts moving up and down, your legs bent and spread across the loveseat.

“You’re all mine, right?”

“Yes..fuck, yes.” His thumb on your clit makes you dizzy.

“Then I’m gonna breed you, would you like that? Gonna fuck you so hard and get you pregnant.” Kun grunts into your ear.

Jaehyun grimaces outside of your window. Kun, or Adam rather, hadn’t changed at all. He still believed in a woman’s subordination to her husband. He believed from the beginning of time that a woman should lay under her husband, not above.

And now, he was trying to make you his by breeding you, making it impossible for you to break the link between the two of you. But Jaehyun had to make sure that didn’t happen, he had to stop him before he could do this to you.

————

[Three Days Later]

It’s been three days since that night and you hadn’t shown up to work. Kun made love to you day and night on your time off, he felt threatened by the presence of another male in your life and felt it necessary to remind you why you married him in the first place.

He cooked breakfast for you and bought you nice things. You even went to the movies and ice skating. You enjoyed the time off and Kun’s company, it finally felt like things were getting back to normal. You were happy.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, was furious. He knew where you were, but he couldn’t believe that you had forgotten about him so easily. He didn’t want to get violent, but maybe he would have to.

A few days later, you finally return to work and as usual, Jaehyun was there to bring you a cookie.

“Hey! Where have you been?” He asked as you put bread up on the shelves.

“Oh..I took some time off, Kun came home early so we had a little vacation..thank you for the other night though, I really had a great time.” You finally looked up at him and noticed the slightly crazed look in his eyes. His lips were tightly shut.

“That’s great. Would you like to go out again tonight?” He asks sweetly.

You sigh and shake your head. “Umm...Jaehyun..I can’t..do this..”

His smile starts to fade.

“I-I can’t pretend that we are just friends when I’ve had thoughts about you that I shouldn’t have. I’m married and it’s..really not right for me to get emotionally involved with someone.”

Jaehyun chuckles. “That’s nonsense! We are just friends.”

“But we’re not. Look..it’s best if we end this now, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t come to my work place anymore.”

Jaehyun screams internally. You were really doing as Kun said by cutting him off. Was he that disposable?

A smile still rests on his face.

“As you wish..” he nods and leaves after handing you the cookie he brought.

You swallow hard and sigh. That was harder than you thought it would be, but it felt right. It felt like you could finally focus on your marriage with Kun.

Your day at work ended as it usually did. You closed up and walked to your car, but as you got closer you noticed a figure standing beside it.

It had two red eyes and horns peeking out of its skull.

You slowed down. “Hello?” You called out into the empty parking lot.

The figure stepped out of the shadows and under a street light, that’s when you squinted to make out its familiar features. The red eyes and horns had disappeared.

“Jaehyun?”

He stood there creepily in a long black coat and black pants. His face was unreadable and he stayed silent.

You walked closer. “Jaehyun, what are you doing here?”

“You know..” Jaehyun scratches his head and laughs.

“I think we should grab something to eat.”

“Jaehyun..” you looked to the side and away from his somber face. You were just a few feet away from each other now.

“We’ll just be eating, we don’t even have to talk.” Jaehyun stepped forward and pleaded.

He didn’t want to lose you, he couldn’t lose you, not after all this time when he had finally gotten so close.

“I can’t, Kun is waiting for me.” You looked up at him with wide eyes.

Jaehyun felt his body tremble whenever you looked at him like that.

He suddenly leaned forward and kissed your lips hard. You fell into him for a brief moment, but then realized what was happening. You quickly bit his lip and pulled away.

“Jaehyun!” You rubbed your lip. “What the hell?!”

He licked the blood on his lips and frowned after your warmth disappeared.

“I’m sorry, I just-“ he reached out for you again but you backed away and opened your car in a rush.

“Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!”

Jaehyun only watched as you scurried into your car seat and locked the car doors.

He banged on the window hard, you jumped from the sound for you were terrified by him. You saw a dark flint in his eyes that you’d never seen.

Tears ran down your cheeks as you put the car in drive.

You sped out of the parking lot and away from him.

“I’ll never let you go, y/n, now that I have you..I’ll never let you go.” He whispered to himself.

————-

[1 Month Later]

The honeymoon feeling you felt with Kun soon dissipated as things went back to how they’d usually been. He spent his time at work and would come home upset, some nights he didn’t even speak to you. He looked sleep deprived and when you asked him about it, he’d have a fit and say he’s fine.

Some nights he wouldn’t look at you, you couldn’t remember the last time you had made love.

He was always short with you, but lately, you found it increasingly difficult to deal with his negative mood. Is this really who you wanted to be married to?

Jaehyun had been messing with him, he’d purposely make every day difficult for him. Kun couldn’t sleep most nights, but when he did, Jaehyun made sure to fill his mind with dark scenes to scare him. Sometimes he’d throw in false images of you making love to a faceless man. It gave Kun the feeling that he was walking in on you cheating on him. He would wake up from these nightmares but they felt so real, he couldn’t ignore how upset they made him.

Kun was paranoid, he felt like someone was out to get him and he didn’t know who it could be, but he didn’t trust even you as much as he did three months ago.

Then one night, you came home late because of a terrible thunderstorm and traffic. You were only about an hour late, but Kun was already home and steaming on the couch.

“Where were you?” He asked as soon as you entered the house.

You exhaled loudly. “Oh, so now you speak to me.”

“Yeah, I’m speaking to you, I’m asking a fucking question.”

You raised your brows. “And who are you to talk to me like that?”

“I’m your husband, or did you forget that when you fucked him tonight?” Kun bit back as he sat up in the chair.

Your face wrinkled as you placed your bag down.

“What are you talking about?”

“Jaehyun..do you think I’m some kind of idiot? I know you’re still seeing him.”

You scoffed. “Wowww Kun.”

You walk away to the kitchen to get some water.

“No, don’t “wowww” me, tell me I’m lying!” His voice started to raise, he walked into the kitchen after you.

“Kun..you sound ridiculous right now, I’m late because there’s a thunderstorm, or do you not hear it just like you don’t hear your phone ringing when I call you?” You asked sarcastically.

“If you’re gonna be late, you should tell me.”

You gulped down your water. “I don’t have to report anything to you! You’re not my king or whatever you think you are.”

“I’m your husband! And you should treat me like a king because look at this house, you wouldn’t be in it if it weren’t for me.”

Your eyes widened. “Are you really holding the house over my head? Wow Kun, you’ve really hit rock bottom, haven’t you?”

Kun chuckles. “Maybe Jaehyun lives somewhere nice, why don’t you go to him since I’m not your king.”

“Okay, here we go again, why are you so insecure, Kun?!”

The two of you went back and forth that night. You broke down in tears as Kun said hurtful things that left you stunned.

“I want a divorce!” You yelled and stormed out.

You jumped into your car and drove away, you didn’t know where you were going to go, but you knew you needed to be away from him.

You dialed up Jaehyun who had heard the entire conversation from outside of your house.

“Hello?” He said with the faked tone of confusion in his voice.

“Jaehyun..I need to see you.”

You drove to his house.

It was an incredibly large mansion, and when you went inside, the walls were lined with gold and red velvet curtains. It looked beautiful, unreal almost.

You wondered how Jaehyun could live in an expensive place at such a young age.

Jaehyun looked at your magnificent face as your mouth dropped open.

“Investments.” He smirked.

You laughed and looked back at him. His eyes were warm, his smile was bright.

He could tell you had been crying so once in the foyer he steps close to you and searches your wet eyes.

He runs his thumb along your cheek as you gaze up at him.

“What happened, love?”

You shook your head. “It’s Kun..we fought, I just..I don’t know, Jaehyun, I don’t think we can make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, y/n..”

“I love him, I really do but..” you look to the side and sniffle.

“Is he controlling, y/n?”

Your eyes flicker up to him. You nod slowly.

“Is he the reason why you stopped hanging out with me?”

You nod again.

Jaehyun purses his lips. “Y/n..he’s threatened by you, he doesn’t want you to be independent now that you’re married. He wants to control you and that isn’t a partnership. That isn’t love.”

Your eyes brim with tears once again. “Jaehyun..I don’t want to think about him right now...I want to feel loved, can you do that for me?”

Jaehyun’s dark soul nearly escapes his body. “Of course.”

You place both hands on his head and kiss him slowly and sensually. You both close your eyes as you fall into him more, his arms wrapping around you to bring you closer to him. He wants to become one with you, feel you, smell you, to be completely enraptured by you for eternity.

Time stood still and your heart fluttered as it was finally being satisfied by something it had craved from the first moment you met Jaehyun.

He too felt everything slow down to a crawl, your lips tasted like the sweetest fruit, your hands were soft like plush blankets.

He pulls away to breathe, his hot breath hitting your now swollen lips. “So beautiful” he whispers into them, then kisses you again in the dim lighting of his house.

He takes you into his arms and carries you to one of his many bedrooms.

“I will take you higher than the heavens themself, just give in to me.” He whispers softly.

He lays you down gently onto the fluffy bed and watches as you relax into it, your hair looking gorgeous as it lays against the white sheets, your neck just begging for soft kisses or hastily made bite marks, cute nose and round, swollen lips. He looks into your wide eyes and smiles. “You’re stunning.” He kicks his shoes off and crawls over you.

You giggled and held him by the hem on his shirt. “Jaehyun...kiss me.”

He leaned down and kissed you as you asked. He was transported back to when your name was Eve and the two of you made love in the garden. Your lips taste the same as hers, your skin feels the same, your touch and everything else was the same. Jaehyun was more than pleased to finally be experiencing your love again.

You start to take your pants down your legs and eventually kick them off. Jaehyun takes his clothes off as well, then watches you take your hoodie off to reveal your breasts.

Without hesitation, he lays his tongue flat against the perky nub, coating it with his spit. He then swirls his tongue around it while he massages the other breast that he hasn’t tasted yet.

You moan and run your fingers through his hair.

His fingers press onto your thigh, then work their way to your sensitive skin between your legs. You tremble as they brush lightly against it.

You arch your back, telling him silently that you want him to go further. He sucks your nipples harder and listens to another moan leave your beautiful lips.

He takes two fingers and uses them to part your folds. He circles his fingertips around your entrance to collect the liquid that has formed from you being so turned on already.

He kisses the skin in between your breasts.

“You taste so sweet.”

He pushes his fingers into you slowly, your legs widen a bit to adjust to him. His fingers are long and slender, but it doesn’t take much time before his knuckles hit your most sensitive part.

“Jaehyun..” you exhale.

His fingers glide in and out of you slowly, he curls his finger tips to press right onto the fleshy spot that makes your head spin. He flicks his tongue across your breast as his fingers work on your needy area.

He looks up at you through low eyes, your dainty fingers grasping onto the sheets tightly.

“So-so close.” You whimper.

His fingers move faster, pressing onto your clenching walls as you get closer.

He then kneels and looks down at you as his fingers still move back and forth.

He licks his lips and lowers his face to the apex of your open legs. He flicks his tongue across you slit now, combining the action of his tongue with his finger to drive you crazy.

He moves his tongue in circular motions onto your clit as his finger moves in faster and presses onto your g-spot harder.

His long tongue flattens onto you repeatedly.

You cry out his name one final time before cumming onto his fingers. He continues to rub his nose onto your clit and lick inside you as you climax and shake.

You try to push your body up away from him, but he holds your waist down firmly and continues to eat you out.

“Jaehyun!” You look down at him to see his eyes, almost with a glint of red in them, looking up at you sternly.

He places a kiss onto your folds then crawls over you to face you. He licks his lips.

“Y/n, my love, I will never force you to bow down to me, you are my queen, you always have been. I will not lose you like I did so long ago.”

You’re slightly confused, but you nod and kiss him. He lays down beside you and takes your waist into his hands as his tongue now dances with yours.

He brings your body over on top of his.

Your skin becomes littered with goose pimples as he runs his hands up and down your thighs.

You kneel over his intimidating length and take in a sharp breath while running your hands along his chest and abs. He, too, was magnificent, like a painting or sculpture come to life.

He takes your hand in his and watches your naked body above him.

He remembered the first time you made love, you rode him that time too, bringing him to his most memorable orgasm of all time.

You sink down onto him slowly, your head falling back instantly.

You couldn’t stop your pussy from clenching around him as he stretched you out so well and stimulated you just from being halfway in.

He pushes up into you to help you. You feel his cock buried deep inside you, running against your silky walls and pressing onto your sweet spot once more.

He curved into you so perfectly. You bite your lips and swivel your hips as you move up and down. He grabs your ass and brings it down onto him.

He groans when you quiver around him and it is a low sound that you’ve never heard before, it’s almost animalistic.

But it’s hot, and pushes you closer to the edge.

Jaehyun watched your body shimmer in the low, warm lighting of the room. Your face is adorable, your skin is soft and glistens, you smell like vanilla. He wished he could have you like this forever, gliding down onto him, your breasts moving up and down as you whimper and moan from the feeling of his cock stretching you out.

You are his Heaven.

He thrusts up into you harder. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room as does your groans and cries.

Jaehyun fits you so perfectly, you’re on the brink of tears, you're weak and ride him sloppily as you chase your high.

Jaehyun knows this and flips you over onto your back in a swift move. He places your legs onto his shoulders and pushes into you. His hips slap against yours as he kisses you again.

He uses his ability to grow even more while inside you.

His eyes glow red but your eyes are closed as he fucks into you from above now.

“Jaehyun..fuck..” Tears escape your eyes. Your pussy clenches uncontrollably around his cock.

He runs his palm onto your belly and feels his cock twitch in the pit of your stomach. “I’m so deep inside you, do you like feeling me? Do you want me to release deep inside you?”

He moves faster.

You arch your back. “Fill me up, please, I want you inside me so badly.” You whimper out.

Jaehyun licks his thumb and places it onto your clit. He licks your breast again and sucks hard.

You cum hard and shake.

He climaxes as well, cumming deep inside you as you let out a stream of curses. You had never orgasmed so hard, but something about Jaehyun has you trembling for several minutes. He was able to deliver pleasure just as he was able to deliver pain in the underworld.

He rubs his thumb along the side of your sweaty face while watching his cum leak out of you.

“My love..would you like me to fuck you again?”

His voice is gravelly, but confident, for he already knows the answer.

You nod and within a few milliseconds you’re on your chest with your ass up in the air. Jaehyun pounds you into the bed and has you calling out his name several times that night.

You fall asleep after climaxing many times. You felt amazing, like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Jaehyun held you in his arms and cuddled you to sleep.

“Y/n..I’m happy you’re mine now.”

————

[The Next Day]

Jaehyun woke up to see that you left him, you had snuck out and drove back home.

You left a note for him explaining that you couldn’t be in a relationship with him for your heart belonged to Kun.

“Thank you for being here for me, I am sorry for coming to you during my weakest moment. I hope you will respect my wish to not see you again, as I must remain steady in my marriage to Kun.

With Love, Y/n”

Jaehyun crumbles up the note and sets fire to it in his hands. His horns grow large and his eyes beam red, furious is an understatement.

How could you do this to him? He made love to you, gave you the best love you’d ever had and you still went back to him.

He would make sure to ruin Kun, for if he couldn’t have you, no one else should.

————

[3 Months Later]

Jaehyun was still hurt by you leaving him that night, but he knew there was nothing he could do. A part of him wanted you to be happy, but a part of him wanted to destroy Kun so he could have you all to himself.

He had planned to get rid of him until he discovered that you were pregnant. He wasn’t sure if the baby was his or Kun’s, but he did know that if he were to kill Kun you would potentially lose the baby from devastation. He couldn’t do that to you, he couldn’t cause that pain even if he was satisfied by Kun’s death.

So he watches you from afar, imagining once again that it was him preparing for a baby instead of Kun.

The two of you looked happy, maybe it was the child that was making things different.

Either way, he hated seeing you so happy without him.

————

[8 Months Later]

You give birth to your son. You and Kun raise it together and take turns watching it during the night.

One day, Jaehyun visits you while you cradle the baby at home alone.

You open the door and your smile falls.

Jaehyun, however, smiles harder when he sees your pretty face, glowing from the post pregnancy hormone changes.

Seeing you like this makes him want to get you pregnant all over again.

“J-Jaehyun?” You hadn’t seen him since that night, but he still looked good.

“Y/n..it’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

Something about him being there after so much time made you uneasy.

“Well..can I come in?” Jaehyun gives a half smile.

You nod and let him in.

You hold your baby and sit in a rocking chair. “So..what brings you here?”

“I’m here to see my child of course!”

Your brows furrow. “YOUR..child?”

Jaehyun smirks and steps closer to you. He smiles to himself as he looks at the baby.

“Come on, y/n, did you forget how many times I buried my seed into your beautiful cunt that night?”

You shook your head. “Don’t speak like that, please. I was weak, I-I was sad and broken..”

“Of course, but you loved it, you loved all of it.” He looked up to the ceiling and shut his eyes.

“I can still hear your moans right now.”

“Kun is the father, Jaehyun..this isn’t up for debate.”

“And if he’s not?” He tilts his head and looks back down at you.

“Well, he is. I’ll raise this child with my husband, regardless of who the biological father is, we have no place for you in this house.”

“Tsk tsk...keeping me away from my own child? Y/n..that’s not very nice of you, my love.”

“Don’t call me that!” Your voice rose slightly. “We had one night together, I don’t want to be with you, I will never be yours.”

“You’re already mine, y/n, you always will be, don’t you understand, after all these years?”

You shook your head. “Jaehyun.. you’re crazy. I’d like you to leave.”

You reached your hand out to grab your phone.

Jaehyun sees that you're nervous and chuckles to himself. “Oh..y/n..you’ve really made me upset. I guess I will just have to embrace my nature.”

He shuts the front door as you stare intently.

You always had a fear that the baby might be his, but how did he know you were pregnant in the first place?

————

[Two Days Later]

Jaehyun summons Lilith.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure?”

She appears to him with a slim body and dark hair this time. Her face is perfect like one of some celebrity, but God cursed Jaehyun’s vision so that when he looks at Lilith, he can only see an ugly monster.

“I need you to take it.”

Jaehyun demands as sits on his throne in Hell. He tosses an apple in the air.

“Seduce the man and come back with the baby.”

“And what do I get out of it?” She places her hand on her hip.

“Nothing. But if you don’t do it, I will rip your fucking head off.” He looks up at her slowly. “Is that a good enough reason for you?”

Lilith scoffs then goes to do as she is told.

She appears to Kun who is half asleep on the couch in the living room. It’s his turn to watch the baby, so he can’t sleep completely.

“Hey there, big boy.” She says smoothly and crawls over him.

“Who—who are you?”

“My name’s Lilith.” She zips her leather jacket down to reveal her bare chest. “You look lonely, sweetheart.”

Kun is hypnotized by her, he doesn’t know if he’s awake or asleep, but he does know that he wants her badly.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Lilith asks with doe eyes as she looks up at him and pumps her breasts.

Kun nods and soon finds himself enraptured by a succubus, burying himself into her and thus falling into her trap as you, his wife, lay sound asleep in the room above.

Once Lilith brings Kun to an extraordinary climax, he falls asleep.

She then walks upstairs slowly to the baby room.

Her appealing looks disappear and she transforms into her true being, a disturbingly ugly monster with grey skin and long legs and arms. Her bones crack as she grows to about 6 feet 6 inches tall, her black hair falls out onto the floor and her jaw protrudes as her eyes glow red. She smells like rotten eggs as green liquid oozes out of her pores and eyes.

She stares at the baby sleeping soundly in its crib.

You, however, wake up from the crackling sound.

“Kun?” You murmur.

You get up and walk to the baby room.

You nearly pass out from the stench and feel your legs grow weak when you see the ghastly being standing over your baby.

“Hey!” You call out, but when the thing turns around, it already has your baby in its arms. A wide creepy smile filled with about twenty sharp and misshapen teeth creeps across its face.

You start to cry. “Put him down!”

You run towards it but it disappears.

You grasp the crib and look into it, shifting the blankets around before looking under it.

Your baby was nowhere to be found.

You let out a painful scream that Jaehyun, and even your neighbors could hear and fell to the floor.

Kun finally woke up and ran upstairs. He consoled you as you cried uncontrollably.

———-

[One Month Later]

The police and everyone in the neighborhood helped you to search for your baby, but nothing happened.

You tried to explain that night so many times, but nothing made sense and people just thought you were crazy.

Even Kun. He left you soon after the incident, the heartbreak was too much for him and he didn’t trust you. So he left you, moving further away and starting a new life without you as the divorce papers started to process.

You were alone, you couldn’t deal with the loss of your child. You sat alone at a pond and cried until you couldn’t cry anymore.

Jaehyun knew your time was running out, he knew you’d pass and eventually come to him to live with him in the dark world.

Your heart breaks and you die of sadness at the edge of the pond.

Your soul slips away from your body.

Jaehyun is there watching as you stare down at it in confusion.

“Jaehyun?”

“Hello, y/n.”

“Where am I?”

“You’re with me now, where you should be.” He smiles as he goes to take your hand, but his hand passes through.

Jaehyun looks in confusion at his hand.

“Can you see me?” You ask.

“Of course I can. I should be able to touch you too, but..” he turns away and looks at his hand which is still vibrating like it had just been shocked with electricity.

“What’s happening?”

He turns back to you, but you’re gone.

“Oh, Lucifer..” a male voice calls out to him.

“You thought you had it all figured out, didn’t you? You would have her die then bring her to hell to live with you forever..”

“Winwin?” He recognizes the angel in front of him.

“I wish I could say it’s nice to see you again, but it really isn’t.”

“What the hell is going on? She’s mine!” He grows angry, his eyes becoming red and his horns growing out in harmony with his black wings.

“No, she isn’t. She belongs with us, remember God will always win.” Winwin smirks.

“No..no they can’t do this to me again!”

“Of course they can! Goodbye, LuLu!” Winwin then spins and disappears.

Jaehyun curses and shouts loudly, so loudly that the heavens can hear him. You can hear him, but now you realized who he really was and why he was so infatuated with you. It broke your heart that he went to such lengths to hold onto you, but now you knew that he was nothing but evil.

Jaehyun could feel you, he could sense you everywhere and sometimes he could see you, but he could never touch you again. He would have to live eternally as a tortured individual that lost his love 3 times.

“Well, at least you have the child.” Lilith looks at her nails as Jaehyun thrashes about in hell.

“What will you name him?”

Jaehyun smooths his hair back and walks to the crib that the baby sleeps in. “His name..is Cain.”

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obsidiancreates · 2 years

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Oh jeez, sure!

I forget the year... but I believe I was like, 11 years old, about. Freshly 11, as this was during a Christmas trip and my birthday is December 3rd.

We went to Lake Tahoe to visit our extended family. It was my and my brother's first time ever seeing snow, as we live in one of the warmer states. I remember distinctly that we had no tissues on the plane, so I wiped my nose on the knee of my jeans while my allergies acted up, and when we got out of the plane the snot froze and my jeans made crackling noises while we walked.

All this to say, we immediately got very sick. Throwing up, aches, fever, the whole shebang, and we passed it to everyone. We had like... let me think... it was my aunt and uncle, like 3 cousins, both grandparents, and a few days with our great-grandma. Plus me, my brother, and my mom. And two large dogs and a Chihuahua. All in one single-story 2 bedroom house and a like... garage-type thing used as a guest room. Fuckin' packed.

So yeah. We got sick, everyone got sick. Lots of throwing up.

Well, we're there for a couple weeks, I think, since it went into New Years. I forget if it started before or just after Christmas, but I got sick again. Throwing up, fever, the same thing as before.

Except.

Much worse.

It got to the point where I literally has to drag myself around on the floor like a zombie and carry a cardboard box lined with a trash bag everywhere I went. I couldn't keep anything down, even little sips of water. I don't remember a lot of it, honestly, because. Dying. I do remember the large girl sleeping at my side a lot an being really sweet.

Anyway, eventually we came to a night where they drove me to the nearby hospital because I was clearly very, very unwell. All my baby fat? Gone. My skin? Paler than we thought it could get. My energy? Nonexistant.

We get to the hospital. I don't remember much from there either, I kept passing out. I remember getting stuck in both wrists and both elbows with the IV needle because they couldn't find a non-deflated vein to get it in. And then the IV (it was just for fluids at the time I think, this was pre-tests and scans) made me vomit on myself, just because of the water going in.

I remember having one of those moments like a TV show, where I was being rolled through hallways on a gurney and looking up as the white hospital ceiling and lights flashed over me.

They did an X-Ray, Ultrasound, and cat-scan. Apparently during the Ultrasound they asked my mom, "Has she ever had any damage to her liver?"

Again, was mostly passed out or just unable to take in info during this time. The next thing I personally remember after the ceiling was being told to drink this awful stuff, tasted like pure Bitterness with a hint of stomach bile. And then I passed out again.

And when I woke up I'd had major surgery!

Apparently, my appendix was not only ruptured, but twisted up and jabbing into my liver. Infected, ruptured, and jabbing into another much more important internal organ! And the pain of it all?

Nonexistent. I couldn't register it at all, because I was so sick I just couldn't feel my own body pain. I had no idea there was even a pain in side, because I was distracted by literally not being able to hold even a sip of water. I was throwing up pure stomach acid half the time because I had nothing in me, but my body was still trying to get something out. Just completely overshadowed the pain of an infected and ruptured organ jamming itself into another one.

So they had to do 3 little incisions and go in with a laser and cut my appendix up into little pieces and pull it out. One of them was in my belly button, and now my belly button is smaller than it used to be, and I have a Scar within my Scar.

But the surgery went well! I bled a lot less than they thought, healed really well. I couldn't have solid foods for a while so mainly lived on applejuice. But my hospital room was by a helipad so I got to watch that take off and land a few times, which at the time was cool because I'd never seen that before. My poor mom was a wreak, because my dad had to stay home while we did our trip so he wasn't there for the whole thing.

On top of all of that, I also had Strep Throat at the exact same time.

I did get 2 teddy bears though, and after it all I went on a hike and went ice skating and sledding. It was very difficult and it hurt, because my limbs were like, atrophied from the sickness. But I did it! And I was very proud of myself!

And that's the time I almost died when I was 11.

#illness tw #hospital tw #hospital mention #dying tw #vomit mention #vomit tw #personal

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scarofthewind · 4 years

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Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader || Farm Life AU (Pt.2)

A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you are all enjoying your days! I updated my blog once again, sorry for the confusion. All tags are at the bottom of the post!

Warnings: Foul Language, farm au, Ushijima being a jerk, aged up au

word count: 1.6k Tip jar

pt.1 | pt.3

The first two weeks were like this; you would try to talk to Wakatoshi and be nice, and he would be the absolute worst to you. His cold words and harsh tone didn’t sooth the aching in your heart that you felt every time he looked at you with those pretty olive colored eyes. He was different no doubt, but you knew it was because of you that he’d become like this. You left him behind without a moments hesitation and expected him to be happy to see you; boy were you wrong.

With a heavy sigh, you brushed some hair from your face as you sorted through the chicken coop, collecting all the eggs you could find. A beautiful red hen sat on the top tier and stared at you with her little beady eyes. “I don’t know what to do about him.” You said to the chicken who titled her head at you in confusion. Reaching up, you gently petted her head, watching her eyes slowly close in affection, before you turned and left the coop, basket of eggs in hand.

Your eyes caught sight of Wakatoshi walking through the back garden, a variety of carrots in each hand. He stopped walking when he looked up and made eye contact with you, causing you to lower your gaze and head inside the main house.

The kitchen was bustling with noise and the grandparents both smiled at you when you set the basket of eggs down. “Oh goodness, look at all those eggs. Better get a few cartons and fill them up - we can sell those are the market today.” The grandmother grinned, watching as her grandson walked in, carrots in hand. “Are there more?”

“Lots.” He replied bluntly, setting them in the sink and rinsing them off. Both grandparents watched as you stood back to back from him, trying your hardest not to say anything. Flipping through the newspaper, the grandpa mumbled something under his breath earning a glare from his wife.

“How about you two sell at the market today instead of us?” She suggested with a knowing grin. Your head shot up to look at her as well as Wakatoshi’s, disbelief on both of your faces. “Just like old times.” She smiled, watching as you nodded, packing more eggs in cartons.

“Did you clean or disinfect those?” Wakatoshi said coldly, watching you stiffen and look at the eggs in your hands. He scoffed and you felt your face heat up with embarrassment. You couldn’t admit that you weren’t told to; you didn’t want to embarrass his grandmother.

“I forgot.” You said meekly, your heart hammering in your chest.

Wakatoshi let out a breath, “Of course you did.” His words made your heart sink lower into your chest and you heard his grandfather snap at him, causing him to walk out the door.

“Don’t worry about those, I’ll do them. You just go get cleaned up and we can go to the market together.” Grandmother said, watching you trudge off with a sad look on your face. “Those two are going to kill me.” She sighed, watching her husband look at her sternly.

“They’ll come around. He’s just being an ass because he got his feelings hurt.” Grandfather chuckled, earning a small hum from the woman as she continued with the eggs.

It had been years since the last time you came to the market, but it was just how you remembered it. There were a lot of people wandering to various booths set up in the middle of town. Grandmother sat beside you, waving off another customer who had bought a few heads of corn. “What do you do for business in the winter?” You asked after bagging up an order of various vegetables for a customer.

“We sell winter vegetables mainly; squash and all those good things. Last year I finally got enough blackberry’s and strawberry’s to make jam and those were hits.” She told you as your customer payed and left the booth. “If you freeze the fruits during the summer and fall, it preserves them long enough to make jam to sell in the winter.”

You nodded, finally sitting down for a second and watching everyone walk around. Scanning the area, your eyes landed on a familiar face and you immediately stood up. “I’ll be right back.” You told the woman next to you who waved you off.

Walking across the street to a booth that had many varieties of chocolates, you caught the eyes of a all too familiar boy who ran at you full speed. “(Y/N)! You’re back!” The red head swept you up in a hug, swaying you around a bit before letting you breathe. “I haven’t seen you since high school, how have you been?” Tendo grinned down at you with wide eyes.

“I’ve been good. I came back for a few months to help out at the farm, what about you?” You asked, watching him step back and point to his booth.

“I’m a chocolatier. Went to a big fancy college for it and everything.” He smiled and handed you a piece of chocolate, watching you eat it.

“This is amazing.” You gasped, savoring the way in melted on your tongue effortlessly. “I’m so happy for you, although I didn’t think I’d ever see you doing this.” You laughed. There was no doubt he looked different for sure; he’d aged like fine wine and his hair was way shorter than you remembered. However, he still held that boyish charm.

“Me neither. After graduation, everyone parted ways and I decided to go to this college in the city and here I am now. I actually get to go all over Japan and next spring I plan to grow my small business.” He said, referring to the booth. “I already have offers in the UK.” He grinned and you beamed at him.

“That’s so great, Tendo. I’m glad you were able to find a new paradise.” The boy nodded and helped a customer before turning his attention back to you.

“What about you? I know you left first out of all of us third years- where did you go?” He asked.

“I went to America. I had a good job offer there that would also pay for my training and any college I would want to I took it.”

“So that’s what happened.” He said as though he was connecting the dots to something in his head. “You’ve seen Wakatoshi then?” You nodded and he rubbed the back of his head.

“I know I hurt him by leaving, but why did he stay here? He was going to be big and famous from some club he was a part of.” You said and Tendo shrugged.

“He never told anyone why. Even Semi couldn’t get it out of him. Which by the way did you know he’s a musician now?” The two of you continued to chatter about other classmates and their futures before you decided to make your way back to your booth, not without Tendo giving you his number of course. The rest of the day was calm and when the sun started to set, you packed up what was left at your booth and headed back with grandmother.

The drive was long back to the farm and you found yourself dozing off a bit but waking up when you heard the front gate screech open. With a yawn, you got out of the car and helped take the rest of the food inside, setting it down on the kitchen table and looking out the window above the sink. You could see the barn from there and inside you watched as Wakatoshi took a horse from its stable, walking it to the back probably to get washed.

Mind made up, you walked to the barn with a headstrong approach. Making your way to the back, you found the horse and him standing next to it, but it was not getting washed. Wakatoshi tightened the saddle on the black beast and was about to slip his foot in one of the stirrups to get on when you spoke up, “Why did you stay?”

His head snapped towards you and the horse looked at you as well, curious as to who you were. It turned and faced you, inching towards your slowly but getting stopped by the man holding its reigns. “That doesn’t concern you.” He replied coldly, watching you roll your eyes.

“Well what about Tendo. Remember him? Your best friend from high school.” You watched as his olive eyes widened, “Yeah, I saw him today and he said he had no idea why you stayed. Strange.” The man in front of you narrowed his eyes at your assumption.

“I stayed because someone had to. Everyone else left, so I stayed.” He sighed, mounting the horse and turning it around to leave the other end of the barn.

“You were going to make something of yourself and because of a breakup, you decided to waste your life here.” You said, causing him to halt the horse’s movements. He turned slightly in the saddle to look back at you. A heated glare in his eyes made you want to cower.

“I’m not wasting my life and it wasn’t a breakup.” He scoffed, watching your face pale slightly, “How can two people break up if they were never together in the first place? You said it yourself, (Y/N), we were never good for each other.” With that, he turned and rode out of the barn, leaving you standing there with a heavy heart and a twisted gut.

tags: @cloudswritings @jtsgjdfjg

#ushijima x reader #Ushijima Wakatoshi #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq #hq au #haikyū!!#hiakyuu #hq ushijima #ushijima x you #ushijima au #anime imagines #anime #anime x you #anime x reader #🏵.original work #🍰.fluff

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atlafan · 5 years

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Take it Slow - Part Fifteen

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(This part is loooong fam, but I promise it delivers. Fluff and smut.)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen

Masterpost

You told all your friends about your upcoming weekend with Harry. Niall was just as excited for you. You didn’t bother telling your mom, and you certainly haven’t told your siblings. You still hadn’t updated your Facebook status. You found yourself using social media less and less the more you hung out with Harry.

You didn’t want to pack too much, but you also wanted to have enough options with you depending on the weather, Harry had been really busy these last couple of weeks. Everyone was trying to get in Fall photoshoots while the leaves were changing. You decide to pull out your small carry-on bag with wheels.

One night after work you went to a lingerie store to pick out something cute to wear. You found a silk, short night gown. It was blush pink with black lace over where your breasts would sit. You pack that first. You pull out some black booties and a couple different pairs of skinny jeans. You decide on a pair of leggings for the drive, you’d be going up Friday afternoon.

Next you had to tackle your toiletries. You had a bag for makeup, a bag for facial wash and moisturizer, and your travel body wash. Once you were satisfied with everything, you left it all near your door, so you could grab everything easily.

You leave work around 3PM to get back to your apartment to change. Niall wished you safe travels. You weren’t sure what was going to happen this weekend. You still weren’t ready to have sex with Harry, but you felt like you needed to give him more. You knew he wanted to use his hands more by the way he would grab at you. Would it be so bad if he fingered you? Your therapy has been helping a lot. Dr. Mara has helped put you back at ease. Jake can’t hurt you ever again. This was Harry, your Harry, who treats you like an absolute princess.

While you’re changing into your leggings, you hear the rustling of your door. Harry walks in with a beanie on. You trot over to him, and wrap your arms around his neck. He kisses you and smiles.

“I’m so excited Harry.” You squeak.

“Me too, I feel terrible I’ve been so busy.”

“It’s okay, it’s nice that you get so much extra work.”

He grabs your bags and brings them down to his car. It would be a little over a two hour drive up to New Hampshire. He let you pick the music. You put an RnB playlist on from 2014. You told him these were some of your favorite songs your sophomore year of college. Once in a while one of you would shout that you loved a certain song, or that you forgot it existed. Eventually you switched to some other playlists you had. You made a playlist with a bunch of songs you would listen to with your mom on long car drives. It had a mix on Bon Jovi, Journey, Barry Manalow, Gary Pucket, Eddie Money, and the Righteous Brothers. Harry was surprised you liked any of that type of music.

“How do you know all of these songs?”

“Well, my mom used to take us on a bunch of road trips and long car rides. She had these two huge CD cases in the car. She would let us pick which ones we wanted to listen to, and she would turn the volume like all the way up. We would just jam out and sing at the top of our lungs.” Shakin’ by Eddie Money comes on next. “Shit, I love this song, mind if I turn it up?”

“Go for it.”

You turn it up, and start singing along. Harry has never heard you really sing before. You didn’t have the greatest voice in the world, but you still sounded good. You could sing on key and in tune. You had sung this song enough times to know how to sing it right. Harry smiled while you sang, stealing glances when he could.

You made pretty good time to the inn. Harry only lets you carry in one of the small bags, while he carried the rest. He goes up to the check in counter, and you take the two room keys. You’re up on the second floor. As you walk in you’re in awe of how beautiful the room is. You put your bag on the floor and flop onto the bed. Harry laughs, but follows your lead.

“This bed is sooo comfy.” You sigh. “What time is it babe?”

“Just about six. We could just order room service tonight so we can relax. Go check out the bathroom, there’s a little surprise.”

You get up, and go into the large en suite. There’s a giant Jacuzzi tub that is begging to be filled. You walk back out to Harry who has a cunning grin on his face.

“Good thing I brought a bathing suit.” You wink at him.

“You don’t need a bathing suit to wear in a tub.” He wraps his arms around your waist.

“I brought a cute bathing suit, I intend to wear it.”

You unpack a bunch of your things while Harry orders room service. Twenty minutes later, a bottle of wine, two salads, and a side of fries are delivered to your room. The food is delicious, and the wine is perfect for an after dinner treat.

“Alright, let’s see that bathing suit.” Harry says while you pull your hair up into a messy bun.

“Let’s see yours.” You raise an eyebrow at him.

You go into the bathroom and change into a blue string bikini. It had a cheeky bottom, and the top just covered your breasts enough. You rarely wore it, but knew it would drive him wild. You turn the bath on to fill it up, and open the door to peak out. Your eyes grow wide when you see Harry wearing a pair of short yellow bottoms. You cough to get his attention, he whips around to look at you.

“Holy shit.”

“Told you it was cute.” You say, sauntering towards him.

“Do you wear this a lot?”

“God no, it’s way too revealing, this is a special bathing suit.” You look down at his shorts. “Yours is very cute.” He scoffs at you.

“C’mon, let’s not let those jets go to waste.” You grab the wine and your glasses.

You both get in and sigh immediately. The jets feel incredible. At first you’re sitting across from him, sipping on your wine.

“I’m so glad we did this, a perfect way to spend a long weekend.” You say.

“Yeah, it’s nice to get away once in a while. If you could go on any holiday what would it be?”

“Well, I usually go to Florida to visit with my Nannie. She has a house on the west coast, in this little community. There’s a pool and a rec center. Sometimes I’ll go with her to her jazzercise class, it’s a lot of fun. Honestly, it’s my happy place.”

“You’re really close with her, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” You want to change the subject. You’re not ready to dive in about your relationship with your grandparents, in fear you may cry. “But I suppose for like a real vacation, I love getting to go to Aruba. I’ve been twice. Oh! I went to Israel my senior year of college for a birthright trip, I’m desperate to go back there.”

“Wow, Israel, that’s incredible.”

“My sister and I went with a group, it was amazing. Honestly, my ideal vacation is just somewhere warm. I love going to the beach and getting to be lazy. I’m not into like the backpacking across a bunch of different countries thing. I bet you’ve been all over Europe.”

“Sort of. We lived hours outside of London growing up, and I never went until I was like sixteen. We didn’t have a lot of money, and going there was something the like rich kids did on the weekends. I like going to the beach too.”

“You definitely tan well, you were practically golden when you came back from New Mexico.”

“How nice of you to notice.” He takes a sip of his wine. “You’re too far away, c’mere.” You giggle and go over to him, straddling his legs so you can sit in his lap. “Much better.” You press your chest against his so he can feel you.

“So, what did you go to Aruba for?”

“Hm?”

“You mentioned you’ve been there a couple times? Was it a cruise or something?”

“Oh, no…my grandparents have a time share there. I got to go the first time as a sweet sixteen type thing. It was the most relaxing trip, but I’m always relaxed with them. The second time I went was last April with my mom and Nannie. It was the first time she had been back since I went.”

“Why’s that?” Your eyes droop, your lips form into a frown. “Sorry, I’m being nosey.”

“No, it’s okay. Um, it’s just hard to talk about is all.” You sigh. “Not something I want to dive into this weekend.”

“Alright…sorry again.” He smiles at you.

You run your wet hands through his hair while he presses his hands into your lower back. You lean down and brush your lips against his.

“You’re so handsome.” You scrunch his hair in your hands. “And your hair is always so soft.” You feel the wine hitting you more now. You lean down and kiss him, him happily taking your bottom lip into his mouth to suck and bite on. “Harry?”

“Mm?” He says, working his mouth to your jaw to plant kisses on.

“I really wanna cuddle tonight, can we do that? Just hold each other?” He looks up at you with his green eyes. His pupils are dilated.

“Of course, love. We can do whatever ya want.” You sigh happily, and set yourself so your back is to his chest.

The two of you continue to talk, and share travel stories. You learned that Harry loved when he could go to Jamaica, and he had spent one of his winter breaks in Japan all by himself. You told him more about your week in Israel, and how you’ve always wanted to go to Greece. When the water started to cool, and you both started to get pruney, you decided it was time to get out of the tub.

Harry changed into a pair of grey sweatpants, while you rummaged in your suitcase. You only brought the sexy nightgown for bed. You wanted to wait until tomorrow night to show it to him.

“Um, Harry?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Could I borrow a t-shirt for bed?” He smirks and hands you the one he had on earlier.

“Hope you don’t mind it bein’ used.”

“Not at all.” It smelled just like him, how could you mind? You wiggle on a pair of cotton panties, and climb onto the bed with him. “Why are hotel beds always so comfy?”

“I think it’s a scheme to make people come back.” He says with a half smile, and a yawn. He must be tired from the long drive. “I’m gonna turn the light off.”

“Sounds good.”

You turn over, pull is arm with you, and he wraps it around you. He nuzzles into your hair and lets out a sigh. You wiggle your butt to adjust to his shape while his legs tangle up with yours. You felt small yet safe in his arms. His body was so much bigger than yours, but it didn’t over power you. He was always so gentle and caring. You hear his light snores in your ear, and it makes you smile. He was just as comfortable with you as you were with him.

The next morning, your eyes flutter open, almost forgetting where you slept. You were laying on your back with Harry’s head nestled into your shoulder. You detach yourself from him so you can go have a shower. You needed to wash your hair today. You grab your toiletry bag, and head into the giant shower that had a waterfall head.

Harry woke up to the sound of your blow dryer, confused that you weren’t still in the bed with him. He felt sweaty, having fallen asleep in his sweatpants. He gets out of bed, and pears through the crack in the door, lightly opening it further. Your towel is wrapped securely around you, and your head is flipped over so you can properly dry the back of your hair. You flip it back over, and for a second Harry sees you in slow motion, like a movie star or something. You don’t notice him in the doorway. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you use your brush to smooth out your hair. Running your hands through, you’re satisfied with how dry you were able to get, and you turn the dryer off. You jump when you see him.

“Jesus, you scared me.” You giggle.

“Sorry ‘bout that, you just looked cute doin’ your hair.” He walks into the bathroom, and kisses you on your cheek. He grabs his tooth brush and brushes his teeth. “Was thinkin’ today before we head to the spa we could walk the property. Get some shots of the trees.”

“That would be great! What time is our appointment?”

“Not til this afternoon, plenty of time.”

You grab a pair of light washed skinny jeans that have a few rips in them, and put them on. Next you decide on a light green sweater. You plug your curling iron in, and put some makeup on while you wait for it to heat up.

“How come you’re doin’ all that?” Harry asks, sliding his black jeans up his legs.

“Well, if you’re gonna take pictures I wanna look nice, just in case I happen to be in one.” You smile at him, beginning to add curls to your ends. “Besides, you’re getting an insider look at my morning routine. Usually you’re dead asleep while I’m doing this.”

“Very true.” Harry puts on a black sweater and his beanie. He slings his camera over his torso.

“Okay, all done.” You slip on your booties, and take his hand. “I heard this place has really good breakfast.”

You settle on a waffle and some eggs for breakfast. Harry had some oatmeal with fruit in it. You both enjoyed a nice cup of coffee before heading outside. The inn sat on fifteen acres of land. Not the biggest, but not the smallest either. There were a ton of trails and paths marked out for people to walk on. The foliage was at its peak, Harry watched you gaze at the different colors on the trees that surrounded you. You hear him snap a photo.

“Harry.” You look at him rolling your eyes.

“You said you wanted your picture taken.” He laughed. “And a candid one is way better than some staged photo.” He gestures for you to look. “See, look at how beautiful you are.” You blush and kiss him on the cheek.

He continues to snap photos of the trees and leaves on your walk. You use your phone to take pictures as well. You take a couple of him while he took pictures of other things. You attempted to take a selfie, but he just took a photo of you instead with his camera.

“I want to be able to post these later.”

“You’ll be able to. I brought my computer so I can load the SD card right in.”

“Lemme take some pictures with your camera.” He takes it off himself and hands it to you. You fidget with some of the controls until everything’s set how you like it. “Go stand over there, the lighting is perfect.” He does as you say. He sticks his hands in his pockets and looks right into the lens. “Jesus, Harry, you look like a model.” You snap a picture. “Now, could you smile for me?” He laughs while his cheeks go red at both of your statements. You snap one while he laughs.

“There’s a timer on that, I could prop it up so we can take a picture together.” He says walking back over to you.

“Or we could take a selfie.”

“But then we won’t get the full effect of the background.” Another couple walks by and sees you two struggle to figure out your photo.

“Would you two like a picture?” The woman asks.

“That would be great.” You go to hand her your phone, but Harry hands her his.

“Mine has a bit of a better camera, love.”

“True.”

You both stand together between two large trees. He hooks an arm around you, and you snake one of your around his back. Your other hand is pressed to his chest. You both smile.

“Okay, ready?” The woman asks. You see her tap the phone a couple of times, and she moves around to get a couple different angles. You both start laughing, which makes for even better pictures. “Alright, that should give you enough variety.” She hands Harry back his phone.

“Thank you so much!” You say as the woman and the man she’s with walk away. “Don’t put that in your pocket, I wanna see how they came out.” Harry rolls his eyes playfully and hands you his phone. “Oh! These are so cute, she did a great job. Oo, I like this one of us laughing. That is going on insta for sure.”

“Insta?” He mimics your accent. You realize now how young you must sound when you say stuff like that.

“Yes, insta. That alright with you?”

“Sure, show me off all you want.” He winks at you.

Between the two of you, you must have taken well over a hundred pictures, but the trails were just too beautiful. You were in awe of Harry, basically watching the master at work. You both go up to your room to change into comfier clothes before your massage date.

“Oh my god!” You say looking at your phone with a big smile. Harry comes out of the bathroom and rushes over to you.

“What?!”

“Sorry, just, Sarah and Niall changed their Facebook statuses!” You practically shove your phone in his face. “That is so exciting!” You love the status and say congratulations with a heart emoji. You realize then that you still hadn’t changed your status. “Maybe tomorrow when I post some pictures I’ll finally change mine. That’ll give people some context of who I’m with.” You smile at him.

“Sure.” He shrugs his shoulders. You had to think back to the date of which he actually asked you to be his girlfriend. It was either the middle or end of September.

“Are you okay with that? I don’t have to post anything to Facebook.”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. I thought you already changed your status is all, like over a month ago.”

“I haven’t really been on Facebook, or any social media for a while. It just slipped my mind.”

“Oh.”

“That came out wrong. What I meant was-“

“This is exactly why I got off Facebook in the first place. All these little societal rules make things so complicated. I know you’re my girlfriend, but for some reason, I need like everyone to know.” He groans. “I don’t want anyone to think you’re available, (y/n). I could reactivate my account so you could tag me in the post.”

“Harry, you don’t have to do that.” He was sensitive, he tried to hold it back as best he could, but he was your sensitive boy, and his feelings were clearly hurt.

“When we get back from the massage, we can look at all the pictures, and you can pick which ones you want to post, then I’ll airdrop them to you, and I’ll reactivate my account.”

“Why did you deactivate it in the first place?”

“I just thought it was unprofessional, but to be fair I used to post a lot of stupid shit on there. Besides, it could help me grow my freelancing more.” He sighs. “I just don’t want anyone to think they can have you, and I know how possessive that sounds, but it’s how I feel.” You put a hand on his cheek and he leans into it.

“It’s not possessive, I get it. I’m all yours, Harry. No one else’s.” He kisses you tenderly, just for a moment.

“We better get down to the spa. Our massages our first, then our nails.” You perk up.

“I thought we were just getting the massages.”

“I thought this would be a nice treat, it was all part of a package.”

A woman who works at the spa gives you each a robe and some sandals. You’re called into the couple’s room where two women are waiting for you. You told Harry to request that women give the massages because you didn’t like the idea of a man touching you that way that wasn’t him. They give you a moment to disrobe and get onto the massage tables. The music is relaxing and the room smelled like lavender. The second you feel the hot oil hit your body, your muscles immediately relax. It had been ages since you had done so much self-care like this.

The woman kneads into you, and you feel every knot in your back come undone. You just about fall asleep on the comfy bed until you feel hot rocks placed along your spine. They feel incredible, and you can’t help but smile at the fact that Harry asked for this specifically. After a few minutes of that, you’re told to flip onto your back. The woman places a clip in your hair so she doesn’t get it oily while she rubs your neck and shoulders. You feel like you could melt into the table, and only hope that Harry is feeling the same.

The hour is up before you know it. You’re told to both take your time, and to come out when you feel ready. You rub your eyes, and take the clip out of your hair while you slowly sit up. Your eyes grow wide when you look over at Harry. His chest is shiny with oil, he looks over at you and you blush.

“How ya feelin’, love?”

“Mm, really good.” He hands you your robe. You feel wobbly when you get up, and use him for balance.

You both walk out, and are lead to where your pedicures are. Your feet sink into the warm bubbly water, feeling relaxed once again. You pick out a really dark blue for your toes, and tell the woman you’ll decide on your manicure later. Harry picks out a peach color for his toes, and it makes you smile. He holds your hand during the pedicure, rubbing his thumb on you once in a while. You lean your head back and close your eyes. You feel yourself drifting off when he nudges you.

“Babe, time for the manicure.” You yawn and stretch.

“Alright.”

You both walk over to the seats at the manicure tables. You decide on two different colors. You always like the way white nails look, and you decide on the dark blue as well. You take a page out of Harry’s book, and ask to have the colors painted on every other nail. Harry goes for the same peach that’s on his toes and black. He asks to just have his thumbs and forefingers painted black, and the rest peach.

You’re very happy with how your nails came out, and you see that Harry is too. You both go to change back into your clothes, and return the robes and sandals. Harry gives you a piggyback ride back up to your room as you feel too tired to walk. He rests you gently on the bed.

“What time is it?”

“Only four.” He coos, lying next to you.

“Quick nap before dinner? I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“Sure, I’ll set an alarm to wake us in like forty-five minutes.”

“Perfect.”

You fall asleep only a second after. You find yourself dreaming about a forest. You can hear every crunch of every leaf you step on. You walk up to a tent and go inside. You see a beautiful bed only with white blankets and pillows with rose petals all over it. You look in a mirror and find yourself to only be wear a t-shirt, Harry’s t-shirt. He appears suddenly, taking your hand in his. His other hand slips into your panties. You don’t say anything you simply watch as his fingers rub against you. Your chest rises and falls quickly from his touch. Just as he’s about to curl a finger up inside you, you’re jolted awake. The dream fading away.

Harry had woken up about twenty minutes into the nap. He took the opportunity to have some alone time in the bathroom. He chuckled at himself when he saw that you had left a little bottle of pooperie near the toilet. He laid back down next you when he was done, and noticed your face was scrunched up, and your mouth was parted. You were breathing quickly and beads of sweat were starting to form at your brow line. Usually, you slept pretty peacefully. When you started grunting, he figured you were having a bad dream or something, so he shook your shoulder.

Your eyes burst open as you try to catch your breath, you look at Harry who has a concerned look on his face.

“Alright, love?”

“Um, yeah, why?”

“Looked like you were havin’ a bad dream. You were breathin’ heavy and makin’ all this noise.” Your face flushed. You couldn’t tell him you were basically having a sex dream about him. Actually, it’s something he probably would like to hear, but you’re far too embarrassed.

“Oh.”

“What were you dreamin’ about?”

“I, um, can’t remember.” You sit up and run your hands through your hair. “I’m starving.”

“Probably because we forgot to eat lunch.”

“Well, let’s get ready for dinner then.” You smile. You go to the dress you hung up last night, and take it into the bathroom with you.

Harry puts on some khakis and a dress shirt while you slip on your little black dress. He beams at you when you walk out.

“You wore that on our first date.” He gets up and wraps his arms around your waist.

“You remember?” You giggle, knowing he would.

“Course, how could I forget how good you looked?” He gives your bum a little tap. “Let’s head down.” He walks in front of you, and you can’t help but notice how great his butt looks in those khakis. You walk by him quickly, giving him a little pinch, and get into the hallway before he can do anything. “Oi, there’ll be none of that before dinner.”

“Oh, so after dinner I can pinch your butt as much as I want? Good to know.” You wink at him.

The restaurant attached to the inn is breathtaking, you were both thankful you brought nice clothes to wear. Harry pulled your chair out for you like he always did, once you were brought to a table. You each ordered a cocktail, you a vodka-tonic, and him a gin and tonic. Bread was brought over, and you practically attacked it the second you could.

“What do you think you’re gonna get?” He asks you, furrowing his brows at the menu.

“Hmm, I’m not sure yet.” You had a big night planned for him, and you didn’t want to risk anything upsetting your stomach. “Maybe this pasta dish?” You point to it and show him. “Looks like you can get it with black bean noodles if you want.”

“Oh, that looks good, maybe I’ll get that too.”

You each order once the waitress comes back. Midway through the meal, she brings you more drinks, which was perfect because you were starting to feel nervous.

“Love, how ‘bout a dessert tonight?” It was something you rarely did, but since he offered you didn’t want to decline.

“See something you like?” You ask innocently. He gives you a sultry look, and you cough to shake it off. “Oh, look they have a plate of assorted fruits with chocolate drizzled on it.” Normally you would just pig out and get a sundae or a brownie with ice cream, but you figured the dairy would bother you.

“That sounds perfect.” The waitress bring the dessert over quickly, and Harry tells her to just charge the meal to the room. You roll your eyes full well knowing he’s not going to let you pay for anything. “Mm, good choice. Although, I wish I could feed this to you like that other time.” You blush. It’s sweet that he’s been bringing up such nice memories.

You’re absolutely stuffed, you both are. You don’t want to dive into anything with him yet.

“Harry, can we look at the pictures?”

“Sure!” He grabs his laptop once you’re back in your room. You both sit on the small loveseat.

“These are incredible, god you’re so good.” He smiles at you and you press your nose to his for second.

“Lemme see the ones you took on your phone.” You show him a couple. “You have quite the eye yourself. Here, let me airdrop the ones you like to you so you can post them or do whatever you like with them.” You see him open his browser to Facebook.

“Harry, it’s really okay…”

“I want to, plus like I said, it could help with the freelancing.” You watch him log in, your jaw nearly hitting the floor.

“Holy shit, your hair was so long!” He smirks at you.

“Yeah, I grew it out for nearly two years. You like it?”

“Not a lot of people can pull that off, but it suits you. Although, I won’t lie, I love the length you have it at now.” You run a hand through it.

“Me too. Doesn’t get in my way as much when I’m out shootin’. Could ya send me the one you took of me takin’ a picture, I think I’d like to make that my profile picture.” Your heart could burst. You text it to him quick, and he opens his iMessages so you can save it. Before he reactivates it, he goes through his friends list and deletes a whole mess of people. He updates a bunch of his information, and adds a link to his professional Instagram. “There, all cleaned up.” He reactivates the account and sends you a request. You accept immediately.

You create a new album to put all of the wonderful pictures into, and tag him in the ones he’s in. Then you go to change your Facebook status.

“This profile picture is so cute, where were you?”

“Oh! Yikes, I should really change that. It was from my birthday party over the summer. Would it be cheesy to change it to this one of us?” You point to the picture of the one the woman took for you. “The one of us smiling, not the one laughing.”

“I don’t think it’s cheesy at all.”

You change your picture, and then, finally, go to change your status. You back track the date to read September, making him smile. You request him in the post, and he accepts, thus updating both of your statuses. Between adding the pictures, changing your profile picture, and updating your status, you get an influx of notifications. Both Sarah and Rachel leave comments, and you see a liked notification from Kate. Niall leaves a comment as well, just a wink emoji, but it makes you smile. A bunch of people like and comment on your profile picture.

“Sarah and Rachel both just friend requested me.” He looks at you.

“Is that weird for you?”

“Guess not.” He accepts both.

“Shit.” Your siblings liked your status.

“What?”

“My siblings are liking and now commenting, wonderful.” You roll your eyes.

“What’s wrong with them knowin’?”

“Nothing. They just always find a way to treat me like a baby.”

“Well, isn’t that their job as older siblings?”

“Does Gemma ever leave embarrassing comments about having changed your diapers? I had to block my oldest sister from like half of my posts. She’s the reason my insta is private.”

“You got me there, Gem was too close in age with me to help out with diapers.”

“Okay, I am putting this thing on do not disturb before one of them calls me.” You get up and put your phone on the side table next to the bed. You’re feeling less bloated, and very close to him. You grab your bag and go into the bathroom. “Just gonna change into something more comfortable.”

Harry untucks his dress shirt from his khakis. He scrolls through the countless comments on his own Facebook. Many friends happy to see his return to the online world. He had wanted to unzip your dress for you, and watch it fall to your feet, to see what underwear set you might have worn. He didn’t want to push you though. You were having such a nice weekend together.

You take out the nightgown and stare at it. It really was cute with the black lace over the blush pink, and you knew it would hug you tight where you wanted it to. You slip out of your dress, and go into your bag for a black lace pair of cheeky panties. You wanted to be as fresh as possible. You slip the short gown over your head, and adjust your breasts in the lace cups. You could just faintly make out your piercings that you knew he loved so much. It was a little tight around your butt and thighs, but that was the look you were going for. You open the bathroom door as quietly as you can so he won’t notice you. You creep up behind him, and cover his eyes with your hands. He smirks and closes his laptop, setting it on the coffee table.

“What are you doin’?”

“Nothing, just have a little something for you. Can you stand up without opening your eyes for me?”

“Mhm.” He stands up, and lets you guide him to you so he’s facing you. “Can I open now?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” He whispers as his eyes pop out of his head. “I mean, wow, no fuck, you look fucking amazing.”

“Really? You like it?” He walks around you to get a good look, and comes back face to face.

“I love it. You got this for me?”

“Mhm.” You nod your head. He moves to touch you, but you back away. His face falls slightly. “I’m still not ready for, well, you know. But, I think I’m ready for these.” You take his hands in yours and kiss his fingers.

Harry is sweating. You look amazing, he can’t figure out where to look afraid he’ll miss even a second of your beauty. What he really wants to do is stick his fingers into your mouth for you to suck on, but he’s not about to scare you off. Instead, he leans in to kiss you. Your drop his hands and put yours right through his hair. His hands travel down to your hips, and his fingers press into you harshly. They travel down to the backs of your thighs so he can pick you up. You wrap your legs around his waist, and he carries you over to the bed. He stands between your legs while you unbutton his shirt. He undoes his buckle and lets his pants drop to the floor. He nearly rips the t-shirt he was wearing off. He takes your face in his hands and sticks his tongue in your mouth. You suck on it and taste the mint from the gum he had chewed after dinner.

You skootch back on the bed, bringing him with you. You feel your head hit the pillow, and his hands go to your breasts while he straddles you. You let out a small moan when his mouth travels to your neck and down to your chest. He takes the piercing in your right breast through his teeth, careful not to tangle it in the lace. He bites down on your nipple, causing you to arch up into him. He looks down at you.

“What is it?” You say, almost in a whisper.

“I can’t decide if I want to leave this on or off. You look so fuckin’ sexy, but I wanna be able to see your body at the same time.”

“Here.” You lift your back a bit, and slide the straps down, bringing your arms through, you tug the top down just a bit, letting your breasts go free. “Meet ya in the middle.” He gazes down at your large breasts, and dips his head back down.

Harry takes as much of your left breast as he can into his mouth. Licking circles around your hard nipple. He sucks on you while kneading its twin. You put an arm over your mouth to help stifle your moans, you were in a hotel after all. He pushes the bottom of your gown up to your hips, revealing your lace panties, leaving a smirk on his face.

“These new too?”

“Maybe.” You take a deep breath, and spread your legs apart for him, only a little. He scoots down a bit to get between your legs.

“(y/n), if at any moment it gets too intense, please tell me to stop. I don’t want you doing something just because you know I want it.”

“I will, Harry. Don’t worry, I want this too.” You say, leaning up on your elbows so you can look at him properly.

Harry starts by pushing your legs a letting farther apart. Next, he brings his thumb to your clit, and rubs you slowly through the lace material. You know you’re already wet, that’s a given any time he sucks on your breasts. He dips his lips down to your right thigh, kissing you closer and closer to your center. He brings his mouth to where you’re dripping, and kisses you through the material while still rubbing you with his thumb. You let out a small groan at his teasing. He stops kissing you, and slides his thumb slowly down to where his lips just were, pressing lightly into your warmth.

“Is this okay, baby?” You nod your head yes. You can feel sweat forming on your forehead. “I need you to use your words.”

“Yes, yes it’s okay.” You muster out.

“I’m going to take these off now, alright?”

“Alright.”

You lift your hips slightly, as he tugs the panties down your legs, tossing them onto the floor. He dips his head back down between your legs. What he does is familiar, and feels amazing. He flattens his tongue against your clit, and drags it up and down slowly, then making circles around it. He starts sucking and nibbling on you.

“That feels so good.” You say through greeted teeth.

He smirks, looking up at you, as his tongue moves down to your folds. He licks you all over, and sticks his tongue inside you. Your hips lift to meet him closer, your hands diving into his curls. His hand moves up to your clit, his thumb rubbing furiously on you as he licks and sucks. You feel hot all over. Is he really going to make you come already?

“Harry, Harry, I’m going to-“ He rubs you even faster. “Shit!” You come undone all over his tongue. Your chest is heaving. You make eye contact with him as he sits up to wipe his mouth. “Wh, why did you?”

“I wanted to make sure you were nice and wet f’me.”

He takes his middle finger into his mouth, and sucks on it. If you had more courage, you would have sucked on it for him. But you were nervous as fuck. This was the first time you were going to let someone up inside you in over a year. You watch him take his finger out of his mouth, and he smiles at you.

“Ready baby?”

“Mhm.”

He leans down to kiss you, taking your bottom lip into house mouth. His lips were swollen from sucking on you. You feel his hand brush over you, and you flinch. He looks at you, but you give him a nod to assure you’re alright. At first, his wet finger just lightly grazes over your slit, moving up and down. This wasn’t so bad.

“Need ya to open up for me a little more.” You take a deep breath, and spread your legs for him. You have a hand on his shoulder, and the other in his hair. His head goes into your neck as he slowly slides his middle finger into you.

At first, you squeeze completely around him, not letting him move. Your breathing is quick and you feel slightly scared at the sensation. He picks his head up a little so he can whisper into your year.

“It’s me baby, just me. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Your grip loosens around him a little as you take a deep breath. “I’m gonna move a little now.”

He slowly brings his finger in and out of you, just to loosen you up a bit. You were ridiculously tight. It was a major turn on for him, but he didn’t want to say it out loud because you were only this tight because you were afraid to let someone in. He wouldn’t be able to get more than one finger in tonight, but he was okay with that. That’s not really what it was about. You felt amazing around his finger, and it was turning him on the way you would loosen and then tighten around him. He continued his slow motions, making you more and more wet. It was starting to feel good the more you relaxed. He curled his finger up in a “comer here” motion inside you, causing you to moan.

“Ohhh my god.” You say arching your back in pleasure.

“M’gonna use my mouth at the same time now.”

“Yup, okay.” Your chest is moving up and down fast. You can’t believe how good this feels.

Harry adjust so his mouth is back down on your clit, his middle finger pumping and out of you. He’s picked up the pace, only a little. The curling motion becoming more apparent. His dick was so hard it was starting to ache, but he tried to ignore it. He just wanted to focus on you, and make you feel good. His tongue made quick flicks up and down on your clit, while his finger pumped faster. You feel your stomach start to tighten.

“Harry, Harry!” You moan his name over and over between gasps. You put your arm back over your mouth and bite down on yourself. Your other hand grasping at his hair, and yanking hard.

The vibrations from Harry’s groans fucking send you.

“I’m gonna ohhhhh ahhhhh…” You come, you come so hard. Harder than he has ever made you come before. Your face and chest is drenched with sweat, and he continues to suck on you and pump slowly while you ride out your high. Your back came fully off the mattress when you arched from the pleasure. Tears started to roll down your cheeks.

Harry slowly takes his finger from you, and sucks it clean. You’re in absolute awe of him. He truly loves the taste of you. You were sweet to him. He looks down and notices your tears. He cups your face in his hands and searches your eyes for answers.

“Shit, are, are you okay? You came pretty hard, I thought it felt good-“ You yank him by the back of his neck and crash your mouth to his, forcing your tongue inside to meet his. You put your hands on his cheeks and pull away.

“That was the greatest orgasm I have ever had.” You say with a scratchy throat. He kisses you again. “Please, take this thing off me.” You lift up so he can pull the gown all the way, revealing your entire naked body. You take his shoulders and pin him to bed, straddling him in the process.

“What, um, what are you doing?” He has woken something up inside you that has been dormant for a long time. You remember how you used to be before. You remember how sexy you used to feel in bed with a guy.

“I’m going to take this.” You say, palming him through his boxers. “And suck you dry.” You feel him twitch in your hand. “You’ve been so good, so patient tonight, letting me feel good first. But now it’s your turn. Gotta get rid of these pesky things first though.”

#take it slow #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #harry styles y/n #harry styles smut fi #harry styles fluff fic #harry styles y/n fic #this is so long im sorry #i knew i was gonna cut it before she did him and i was considering breaking this in half #but i didnt wanna make yall wait for this moment

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stellar-imagines · 5 years

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HEADCANONS REQUEST: ❝countryside girl.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto ]

「Headcanons of Midoriya and Todoroki having a S/O who lives in the country-side and is multi-talented, cooks delicious meals using ingredients from their large garden, embroiders their own clothes, builds their own furniture.」

MIDORIYA IZUKU

♤ Your first encounter with Midoriya was purely coincidental. You grew up with your grandparents in rural part of Tokyo, a village that's hours away from the centre of the city. It was when you were still so much younger. While kids were attending middle school and dreaming of being heroes, you were working to survive. The first time he met you, you were working at a family restaurant that he frequented. There, he learned your name and little about your life.

♤ As time passes, and when he started his life in UA, you were still working multiple jobs. Midoriya visits you at your workplace often, bringing various food ranging from raw ingredients to cooked food that his mother prepared. Despite working in the city, he learned that you actually lived in the countryside with your grandparents and make YouTube videos. He's really intrigued and checks you content often. Your videos inspired a lot and help people learn more about Japanese traditions and culture.

♤ Midoriya admires you for being so independent and multi-talented, he has a whole notebook on everything you do, from listening to your stories including your videos. During your break, the two of you would exchange information about your private lives but it always ends up with you rambling about your crops and what you're going to use them for. Because of this, he's very curious about this garden/farm that you're always talking about.

♤ During the weekends, he makes time for you. Usually you'd bring him over to your house. Your grandparents were lovely, kind and fond of him. They'd make comments on how you managed to snag a polite, cute and handsome looking city boy as your boyfriend. He'd be so flustered to hear that from the people who raised you. They'd be ecstatic to see you finally bringing someone home since they're worried that you don't have friends at all.

♤ This boy is amazed by every single little thing you do. From handling various harvesting equipment and carrying your harvested crops in handmade baskets. Midoriya can't believe that you do this every single day, handpicking every ingredients for your meals. You're truly an inspiration to a lot of people who watch your videos and he can't help but feel proud of it. And you bet your ass that he's gonna help you with your videos! This boy can't help but brag about you to his close friends, going on and on about how amazing and multi-talented you were.

♤ You'd harvest your own sweet glutinous rice, cooked in a steaming box before being transferred into a steaming. Midoriya is more than happy to help you knead and pound the mochi. He'd be the one pounding away while you occasionally knead it with water. Having such a strong boyfriend like him makes your work easier! But you don't want to overwork him because the weekends were supposed to be days where Midoriya can take a break from UA and his studies.

♤ When he's at your house, he feels at peace. It's away from the city where there were a thousand things going on at the same time. The countryside is very peaceful and there's so many things growing in your garden! The berries you grow would be used for making jams or for meals. You'd make him carry a lot of your homemade food back to his home so he could share with his mother. Sometimes you'd pack some of your fresh vegetables, eggs and fruits for him to use at home.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

☆ This guy doesn't know a single thing. He's very clueless about how stuff works in the countryside but he's very curious about how you live your life. Todoroki is very surprised that you're working at such an age, using whatever money to survive on your own in such a huge city. In a way, he was lucky, being born int a family that barely have problems when it comes with finance. How he met you was purely coincidental. You'd be working multiple jobs at places around his neighbourhood. And at some point, you started talking to him. Slowly, you would give him a small wave whenever you run into him, exchanging greetings and whatnot.

☆ He met you again when you were working as a part time journalist. Todoroki had been a part of a big mission, though his role was minor, he was still questioned by the police and being interviewed. When he saw you again, it felt like he was meeting an old friend but you both never talked that much to be called as friends. So from that point on, you both exchanged contact and kept in touch.

☆ Over the time, he started to have feelings and you both started to date. You'd take him to meet your grandparents, who seemed to be quite surprised that you came home with a handsome boy who looked like they came from a model magazine. Todoroki was the first person you brought to your home at the countryside and he was really amazed at the place you live in. It felt traditional but not modern traditional, it's genuinely traditional.

☆ He's amazed with every single little thing you do. Todoroki has never cooked in his entire life, save for instant noodles and making tea. He helps you at your garden, watering plants and harvesting them. He thinks that everything you're doing is magic. You grow your own vegetables and fruits to eat, raise chickens and cows. There were puppies running about too.

☆ Todoroki learns how to make soba from scratch. You know this boy loves soba and you pulled him over to make some for dinner. He's an interesting student to teach, making buckwheat soba is really difficult because it doesn't contain gluten. It's a nice change of pace from the hectic life at UA. Todoroki feels like he's more in touch with nature and life itself. He gets to walk around your large garden, see how you grow your crops and walk with your puppies.

☆ After coming back from your place, he'd have his hands full with your homemade items, things ranging from homemade jams, soba noodles to handkerchiefs that you made on your own. Let's say that Fuyumi is delighted with all these gifts that you always provide them. She often returns the gift by buying you new pans and equipment.

☆ He learns about your YouTube channel through the girls who watch your videos. And this leads to a lot of questioning because Todoroki accidentally blurted out the fact that you were his girlfriend. Ever since then, he watches your videos, amazed by the quality. He'd understand how it gives people the feeling of living in the countryside.

Total: 1128 words Published: 21.2.2020

Thank you for requesting! *｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و*｡ This piqued my interest a lot! Just from your ask, it got me searching for Li Ziqi in YouTube and honestly, I want to thank you for introducing her to me! She’s amazing!?! And she’s like my idol now!?! That aside, we hope you’re satisfied with what we typed out. ― author Hibiki/Lou

Thank you for requesting! Uoooo, a Li Ziqi fan! I admire her videos because of their quality, it’s so euphoric! She is very talented and makes everything look so effortless. Anyway, sorry to make you wait for so long! We got a bit carried away with this request. ― author Natsuki

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

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marlsbuck · 4 years

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— && guests may mistake me as ( haley lu richardson ), but really i am ( marley buckley + cisfemale + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 6/13/1994 ). i am applying for the ( vet tech ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( 211 ). i should be hired because i am ( witty & empathetic ), but i can also be ( indecisive & absent-minded ) at times. personally, i like to ( dance, knit & volunteer at the zoo ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work.

hi pals! we’re back with a marley mae revamp! our favorite lil cowgirl is getting the makeover she deserves, so let’s get started, shall we?

before we get too into it, though, we have a stats page and a pinterest (which is also getting a revamp before too long bUT...i digress).

lil tw moment: abuse, alcohol, drug, death mention tws. per usual, i went a little heavy on the tws just to be safe!

- marley mae buckley was born june 13th, 1994 to finnegan and shailene buckley.

- her father is a chief exec at an oil company and her mother was a stay at home mom and socialite, the latter of which she preferred.

- the family moved to billings, montana shortly after marley was born so her father could be more involved with work. this meant her mother had more time on her hands and more time to attempt to mold marley into the perfect daughter.

- except marley liked dirt, climbing tress, and pretending to ride the family dog like a rodeo bull.

- needless to say that did not go well????

- substance abuse tw early in marley’s life, her mother mixed prescription pills and pinot, which only made the tension between the two more intense.

- abuse tw baby marls never understood why her mother would want to self medicate, essentially checking out and missing a majority of her only child’s life, until one night after her father came home after a day of ‘meetings’. smelling like expensive scotch and cigar smoke, marley saw her father hit her mother for the first time.

- abuse tw she didn’t witness the actual abuse often, but marley started noticing the signs more and more often. bruises around wrists, large sunglasses when it wasn’t sunny out, concealer caked around her eyes and jaw. for a while, she begged her mother to take her and leave, but marley’s mother refused - firm in her belief that she wouldn’t be able to make it on her own.

- so they endured. more often than not, marley’s mother took her pain and frustration out on her daughter. it didn’t take long for marley’s parents toxicity to turn her into an angry, resentful person. marley was around 8 when she started acting out - “accidentally” breaking things around the house, saying out of pocket things at her father’s work events or fancy dinner parties. marley was 10 the first time she left home and didn’t come back for hours on end, only to come back and realize no one had really noticed she was gone.

- when she was about 13, marley really started acting out and rebelling. she started hanging out with a rougher group of kids who were significantly older than her. even though she never took part in the more intense stuff, marley did manage to get herself into some trouble that finally managed to catch her parents’ attention.

- one night, while out with that older, rougher group of friends, marley was arrested for a destruction of property charge. since she was a minor, her parents were called immediately and, after making a sizable donation to billings pd, made the whole thing go away.

- officially done dealing with marley and the whole “mothering” of it all (if you can call it that), her parents shipped her back to their hometown of big timber to live with her paternal grandparents.

- she tried to run away a few times (even going so far as to steal her grandfather’s work truck - even tho she didn’t get far because she didn’t know how to drive stick yet) because rebellious, but after paw made her stay and help one of their cattle give birth, marley fell in love.

- marley fell in love with every animal on the ranch - all their quirks and distinct personalities. it quickly became the home marley’d never had. it was warm and loving and full of joy and life. her grandparents became the only parents she’d ever really known.

- they were the only reason marley agreed to go back to her parents. they’d made a deal that if she behaved at “home”, she’d be able to spend the rest of her summers at the ranch.

- so marley went back to her parents and did the dance classes, and dinner parties, and even did the whole debutante thing and “came out” to society.

- at 16 she petitioned to be emancipated and a judge granted said petition. she promptly moved into the renovated barn at the ranch that her grandparents had rented out while she finished school.

- marley ended up graduating early and began attending classes at the local community college, eventually getting her associates in science all while still working on the ranch when she could.

- at 19, marley began classes at montana state, majoring in microbiology as a pre-vet track.

- death tw shortly after she finished her first year at msu, marley found out her mother passed unexpectedly. when she went to attend the services, her father effectively disowned her (even though they hadn’t spoken in years) and blamed her for her mother’s issues and death.

- marley came back to the ranch more depressed than she’d ever been and instead of dealing with the hurricane of emotions she felt, marley dropped out of school and ran

- marley drove all along the west coast, eventually settling on a cattle farm in texas.

- there, marley met literally the worst thing to ever happen to her. only a month or two after settling in texas, marley started dating wade because mess attracts mess. duh. his parents owned the farm she was working on and he gave her attention. that’s it. that’s all it took.

- abuse tw it didn’t take long for the gas lighting, lying, and cheating to start. a short six months into their relationship was when the physical abuse started. growing up, she’d always told herself that she’d never allow a man to treat her the way she’d watched her father treat her mother - that she’d be stronger than her mother and leave after the first time. finally, though, marley realized the battle her mother had fought to endure all those years of abuse and just how hard it was to muster the courage to leave.

- to this day, marley carries around the guilt of spending years blaming her mother for being weak and missing the opportunity to apologize while she was still alive.

- eventually paw caught on and WASN’T having any of it. so he snuck down with maw in the middle of the night while wade was out on a bender and packed marley’s shit and took her back home to the ranch like the knight in shining armor that man is.

- two years of animal therapy and literal therapy, marley applied to finish her bachelors in chicago after maw suggested it. she was accepted and once again left her home behind, but this time it was to chase her dream and we’re all v proud.

- she’s been at the mlanati now for two years and has finished her bachelors and is a certified vet tech. she’s currently in her last year of undergrad and is getting ready to start applying to vet schools officially.

hcs!

- marley is a jeeple. she owns a 2008 black jeep wrangler x. 100% named it ringo. definitely has a black jeep of the family bumper sticker and let me tell you, this girl is SO proud.

- y’all will never catch this girl in shoes. she will start the day in shoes and by the time lunch rolls around she’s barefoot. the only pair of shoes she enjoys wearing are her justin boots or her vvv worn out vans.

- she knits when she’s anxious, which is more often than not now that she’s in a new place. but it also means she’s giving out cute lil beanies and scarves to her new frens.

- loves and i mean LOVES westerns. tombstone and gunsmoke were staples growing up.

- also probably the worlds biggest dolly parton fan. if it involves dolly, marley is in.

- ALIENS, MAN. your girl loves aliens and most space things. roswell (the og and new shows) are her jam bc...y’know....cowliens.

- she has three tattoos: some wildflowers on her upper left ribs, “worthy” in her grandpa’s handwriting on her upper right forearm, and the silhouette of big timber peak at the nape of her neck.

- marley is also one of those people that doesn’t need a ton of sleep? 4-5 hours max and she’s golden.

- cold brew coffee also runs through her veins. her coffee order is a trenta cold brew with hazelnut and almond milk, thanks. it’s also probably one of the reasons she never stops moving....ever.

- big time questioning her sexuality. marley’s only ever been with men, but uuuuuhhhhh WOMEN y’know? also nb folx are v nice. we do not discriminate in this house.

- 2 cats! doc (7 y/o himalayan long hair) and ike (2 y/o munchkin). both rescues she met while volunteering at a shelter.

- snake tw would also v much like a colombian rainbow boa pls and thank

- will always make time to take a dance class or book space to just dance all her feelings out. it’s one of the few joys she has that comes without feelings of pressure or stress.

- holds most people at arms length. she’s more than happy to listen and support everyone around her, but is a literal steel trap when it comes to talking about herself and her past.

- alcohol/drugs tw not a drinker. buckley’s don’t have a great track record of being able to handle their liquor (never let her do shots pls), so marley sticks to the occasional blunt. esp when she’s feeling extra anxious, it calms her down and evens her out.

- she do be jumpy af! loud noises (that don’t obviously come from animals) make her anxious and shaky. it’s the *pTsD*.

- marley’s triggers include but are not limited to: grabbing her face/chin, breaking glass, loud noises - specifically yelling, general violence, the smell of vodka or scotch and cigar smoke, being grabbed from behind/picked up without warning.

wanted connections!

- travel pals! : people marley met on her trip from montana to texas! she wouldn’t have stuck around long, but she was a hot ass mess and these would have been people who met her at p close to her lowest? so seeing her at the malnati would be like meeting a whole new person. she’ll probs be hella flustered and embarrassed so, like, we love that.

- hype squaaaaaad! : marley’s self esteem is still.........nonexistent, almost. she’s all about giving the love, but is the worst at accepting it, so obviously we need someone to shove all the love and positive affirmations her way! help ya girl see her worth!

- post hook ups! : likely only one or two! marley isn’t one to hook up unless she’s feeling pretty awful about her self and needs some instant validation. can be awkward or cordial! i’m down to plot specifics!

- crushes! : unrequited or nah (lbr i’d live for unrequited pls) male, female, nb - gimmie it all! babie is ready to give all the love....kinda. from afar. bc trauma. bUT!!! leggo. lololol.

- confidant! : literally probably the only connection that’s limited to one person. they know eeeeverything. every horrid, gruesome detail about marley’s past and all her insecurities. they could be someone that met her when she was on her way to texas/she met in texas or someone she met after and got to witness one of her panic attacks post texas. aka the one person she trusts most.

- scurry folx! : pls gimmie plots where marley is at odds with someone, whether or not it’s because they scare her a lil (aka angry, aggressively loud, bully-ish type someones) or just people who can’t handle her goofy, oddball, pollyanna type personality! i. need. ANGST!! pls. ty.

- chemistry, ofc!

#×○┆ooc⌇a salutation & a farewell #malnatiooc #manatiintro #bc i don't remember which one this goes in lmfao #but honestly if you make it all the way through this #you deserve a drink or candy or something #ily

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