#feel like im Losing my fucking mind
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decembers always a bad time for me but my god is there SO MUCH going on in the world rn
yes theres an active invasion, ten concurrent genocides (FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE),
but we also have rapidly snowballing socio-cultural degeneration in the west.
teens today are so socially vile compared to ten, fifteen years ago theyve started traumatizing their teachers at staggering rates, and this is definitely a product of en masse generational trauma as well as the contemporary atmosphere of capitalism-driven social media, but also accidentally because of radical socio-cultural evolutionary growing pains as we learn not to throw the baby (general manners) out with the bathwater (opressive systems and unfair power dynamics).
recognition of disabilities and other societal disadvantages has climbed so high that the "normal" people now act like asking for any kind of equality, amendments, reparations or accessibility is some kind of unfair demand from someone with power over them instead of a plea from someone who needs help, which is a beautifully hypocritical display of the normalization of socio-cultural power dynamics.
misinformation and propaganda are so widespread and radicalized purely under the machinations of capitalism and the patriarchy that not even just regular jane and joes are spouting absolute horseshit on a daily basis, but ACTUAL PROFESSIONALS are falling victim to the lies about their OWN FIELDS OF EXPERTISE.
the size and shape of populations in modern communities is SO far removed from how humans are designed to live, that we are ALL now not only aware of, but involved with, affairs that we are not designed to compute with our meat brains , and thats BEFORE you before you take into account the crosspollination from the reach of the internet, giving us access to dozens of other countries outside our own to be concerned about, which has created this hellish extension of our natural social homeostatic mechanisms called "compassion fatigue" where our brain begs us to take breaks from HEARING ABOUT GENOCIDES IN OTHER COUNTRIES.
and dont get me started on the recent trend of people abusing mental health language to just fuck with other people. people dodging normal ass confrontations by saying they "cant mentally handle this" or cutting off friends with no explanation because theyve misunderstood the proper applications of therapeutic self-governance. going cold turkey no contact is fine if its an abuser, not your friend who mentioned they liked a new anime. radically self-elevating behaviour is meant to be for people who struggle with self esteem or abuse aftereffects so they can learn to apply it on a more frequent basis at a regular level starting from a deficiency, NOT for people who just refuse to consider another persons value when deciding how to act around them.
its MADDENING, it truly is. how i have just watched the world devolve further and further into this delirious shitstorm of lies and misdirected belief, for my whole life (born a couple years before 9/11, pointedly) but ESPECIALLY in the last like 5 years. what the fuck. what the ACTUAL fuck
this is ok to reblog and discuss on. but if you take nothing away from this, at least take FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE FREE PALESTINE
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what a worthless country. what useless americans.
#i hate it here#i hate the US#i hate my job#i hate suffering chronic pain daily#i hate people who use their privilege to distance themself from mass slaughter#feel like im losing my fucking mind
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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IT'S EIGHT HOURS!!!! IT'S STILL EIGHT HOURS!!!!!!!
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"Is there something in the corner of your eye that you cannot get out?"
#annihilation#area x#acceptance by jeff vandermeer#authority by jeff vandermeer#the southern reach trilogy#the southern reach series#i guess its not a trilogy anymore#the southern reach#should I tag this as spoilers or just not say anything#i feel like its only spoilers if I say its spoilers whoops#LOL#absolution#absolution by jeff vandermeer#im only 40 pages in and im fucking losing my mind#book fanart#raideo arts#fanart#digital art#surreal#horror#animal death#for the fiddler crabs :(
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spent last night wondering if I was losing my Spies hyperfixation. But then I rewatched the Mary Kate Wiles bts and realized that part of the arm clasp rehearsal from the digital download bts is in this video and. yep I am still afflicted
also bonus! the tickle torture scene (straight version)
#god bless you mary kate wiles thank you for this piece of history#Im not an artist but it feels like having another angle on the arm clasp and gun pose might be useful?#also just every time I think about this fucking arm clasp I lose my mind#corey lubowich director of all time#lauren lopez choreographer of all time#probably gonna do another post with favorite moments because I love this video#spies are forever#tin can bros#owen carvour#curtwen#agent curt mega#saf#tcb
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Job hunting moodboard
#thunderclap#shitpost#im losing my fucking mind. and its only been a week. i wish it was common courtesy to at least answer back when u message places idk#i feel like ive irreparably damaged my reputation by using peoples contact forms to ask about jobs augh#jobposting
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I JUST REALIZED WE HAVE BEEN GETTING CRUMBS FOR YEARS LIKE TY BRUSHING AWAY KIT'S HAIR, GRABBING HIS HAND TO GIVE HIM HIS FIRST WITCHLIGHT, KIT FEELING NERVOUS ABOUT GOING TO THE SHADOW MARKET WITH TY???? CRUMBS! WE HAVE BEEN LIVING ON CRUMBS SINCE 2016! HOW HAVE WE NOT ENTIRELY LOST OUR MINDS??????
#oh shit wait no i HAVE lost my mind nvm#ooops false alarm💀#BUT SERIOUSLY#LIKE I AM GOING CRAZY#THE CRUMBS ARE ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM LOSING MY MIND#A WHOLE SERIES WILL FUCK ME UP#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#kit x ty#kitty#the last king of faerie#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#tlkof#tda#twp#tsc
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i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!
#don't get me wrong there are happy and beautiful times! there is wonder and fulfillment!!#but how do u share in the one if u can't share in the other?#i can't walk into work and say#'yesterday all i could think about was which of you would cry if i died#but today i saw a kid pick a flower and it felt like the most beautiful thing that had ever happened'#i don't even talk to my friends like that! it's all 'haha yeah been having a rough week. u know how it is. hbu?'#i feel like im going crazy but i dont believe that! aren't we all feeling this??? is anyone else feeling this??? is this fucking normal????#am i just emotionally closed off?? is everyone else having these conversations am i the stunted one who doesn't know how to talk about it??#i KNOW im living with mental illness but so are a lot of people! im sad sometimes but im not losing my mind! i know other people feel this!!
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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two "ultimate" level douchebags
#shadfinite#infinadow#< they make me reaaaallt mad whys infinite so freak boy can we kill him#shadow the hedgehog#infinite the jackal#sth#sth fanart#sonic the hedgehog#scraparts#infinite is only so big because all of these fucking guys are so tiny. so fucking tiny. bro doesnt even show his face half the time im goin#to give him 1 solid W in being over 3'3.#lord knows he fucking needs one#besides that i feel like jackal being taller than hedgehog makes sense#i dunno part of it is just me doing lineart before realizinf. im just making excuses but it looks better anyway Amen Ok back to your#regularly scheduled sonknux or something. ok thats a lie i only have one posf of them but my wips man#i kind of want to draw knuxouge next but dont expect anythinf because the second i have a specific thing in mind before i start drawing i#will not draw for the next six weeks#should probably do the sth fandom thing and draw that new sonic frontiers sonic but im not doinf that lest i lose my mind. amen brother#anyways whats up chat im eating a sandwich and considering hopping on splatty. replayed sonic 3 earlier did some team sonic racing#touched sonic forces which meant infinite was on my mind#seriously what is wrong eith these two#anyways anyways SHUT UP STOP TYPING SO GODDAMN MUCH ok#i havent played animal crossing new leaf in a week. oopsies#and thats the long ass rant in my tags done my bad
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#IM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHIT#ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS. I HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME#I'VE TAKEN SO MANY PAIN MEDS THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING MAKES ME NAUSEOUS NOW#CAN'T TAKE THE STRONG MEDS BECAUSE THEY'LL MAKE ME THROW UP AND I'LL RIP MY STITCHES#CAN BARELY EAT ANYTHING. IN PAIN CONSTANTLY#AND NOTHINGS EVEN FUCKING WRONG. THE SURGEON SAID I'M HEALING NORMALLY#I'm going to lose my fucking mind#my dad says I'm getting better but I gotta be honest I do not feel it
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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I ssaw bnha leaks and now I see a notification about new helluva boss episode? Im gonna fuckng scream if this one will make me cry too
#bnha leaks#bnha spoilers#togachaco#bakudeku#izuocha#bnha volume 42#Fucking leaks#im losing my mind#I feel so bad for my boi#And for tsuyu too#Horikoshi I love you#And I love you for still not making them really look like they are engaged or smthng#But it still makes me feel weird
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hi there stormy :3
Imma just
:3c
O H
OH G OODD GRAVY-
HSHSHSJDHWJSHDBXKDCHUEHWYWHSBNXHDYSJSNXHSYYEIQJSJSHXJCHDUEKWKXJXNSJSYEISJXHDKSHSIAJZBSKSHDISUSIXBXNXJSSJSHAKXHSJSJXXHSJSHKSJDJSUSJDHXBXJSUAKSJDKSJSJDHISDBDJHXJSHXYAKWNXSJXJSUUSWIDJJSHCJDUWIBXNXHSIWYWWYQKAKSJSKXHSKXHSUEIWJXJDKCJDNFJSISUWJQJDJDJ
#OH MYGOD#OHMYGOD#OH M YG ODS#MY L UNGS ARE ABOUT TO GIVE IN#OH M Y GO D#HES SODFUCKINGFIEN#OJ M YCGDO#ISWEAR T OHYADES GET THIS MANAWAUFROMME BEFOFE I RIP THOSE PANTS OFF-#FUCK SH IT N OAUR I CA N F SAY THAT#OH MY FUCK IN G STARS HES SO GODDAMM GORGEOUS IM LOSING MY MIND#I COULD LOOK AT HIM FOR HOURS#I HAVE LOOKED AT HIM FIR JOURS#IM GOING INSANE OG H MY STARS HES SO SHGSGSHDBXJXHDJXHYEJWSHJXWJDHWUDWJXNWKXHSJXSWGEINSKCBSHDGSIWUWIDBSJXHSUWYAKHXSHBXSJHSYWUHSBXISYWIDHSJXB#FUCKCI NG HELL I NEED HIM SO BADLY I MGONNA KEEL OVER FU K#I FEEL HIGH RN OUHHHHHH M Y GOD#IDEK WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE BUT I ASSUME IT FEELS LIKE THAIS#HDHSHDJSUSHEIWHDJSBCJSHSJDBAJBDYWIWYEUWBDJSBXJSHCJSHXUSJDWIHSHDBXJXUWYWIDHXJSHSJDBSJDHEJDUSJXBDJDHSHSJWBDJSJDISHXJSBXJKAXBJDHSIDHDJCHSHSHXAH#IM LOOKNG SO . RESPECTFULLY I SWAR E#HSGSYUEJWHSBXJDHXJSJDHEWHWIAHDHSBDHSHUDWJDHWJSHDJDIEJSHDJDBDUWHDUEBSJXHSXUSHJDDJS#M#A#MALAWARE#MALWARE MY BELOVED#FU UUDKCJCKCIUFC#MUTUALS ART <3#LOSES MY MIND#BITING THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE#AUSGSJDKSKSJSJSHSKJDAHHDEEHHJJJDYWHWGDJSBDJEHJABDKSHXJSHDISJXYEJAHDIWNDYUWHSJSBXKSHXKWHDJWYDJSJJXHSJS
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