#im losing my fucking mind. and its only been a week. i wish it was common courtesy to at least answer back when u message places idk

[spearxwind]

Job hunting moodboard

[nomairuins]

how it feels to randomly get rly overwhelmed and frustrated and bitchy and feel like youre going insane

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 161 spoilers with thoughts below the cut u know the drill

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THIS IS MY FAVORITE PANEL OF JAVIER EVER. IN THE ENTIRE MANHWA IM LOSING MY MIND HAHAHAHAHAHA

HE JUST LOOKS SO FUCKING UNHINGED I DIDNT EXPECT IT AT ALL HHAHAHAHAHAAAA

anywayy back to the top

honestly maybe i shouldve seen the fact that his own singing would fuck him up coming LMAO

their matching dazed expressions when they both realize PLEASSEE LOL

raphael also calls the start of his singing demonic sounding lmao

and then they start fighting again and JESUS holy shit they're so overpowered this is so cool to watch and also as i was reading i was VERY scared for javier

genuinely i really really love whenever they draw action scenes they look very cool while also not being terribly hard to follow i like that

like oh my god?? he's swinging that hammer around like its nothing its very very terrifying, esp cause its been a while since javier has fought something thats his match yknow, or at least it feels that way

AND THEN. THE LEADUP INTO THE NEXT SCENE IM LOSING MY MIND JAVIER YOU SCHEMER

the feigning being down and then the peek and the slow getting up im giggling so so bad AND THEN

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA JAVIER YOU CLEVER ASSHOLE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

like i knew that line raphael said about how the halo would continue protecting him so long as he's pure and just or whatever would come into play BUT I DIDNT THINK JAVIER WOULD BE THE ONE TO DO IT SO DIRECTLY TOO HAHAHAHAAA he's learned so much from lloyd <3 LOL

i also think its interesting that the halo keeps track of this with like points or smth, not much to say about it i just think its an interesting gear; the ultimate defensive tech but it's based on how "good" you are thats just really interesting to me hehe

ALSO ALSO i think it's really really silly funny that raphael was this very intimidating and menacing figure that was super scary right up until the moment javier played dirty and then the moment that happened that image/vibe immediately crumbled WAHHAHA he's just a silly guy and the halo does the work i like him a lot

i really like these panels of them being evenly matched, raphael is still holding his own even with a penalty like that, their expressions here are really good too its so tense,,,

AND THEN LLOYD BEGGING THEM TO STOPP AAHHH

AGHHGHGHHGHGH AAAHH JAVIER STARING WIDE-EYED AT LLOYD IM CURLING AND SHRIVELED ON THE FLOOR

like okay i know lloyd is scheming or whatever. but my heart wants to believe that some part of this was very real okay . let me cope let me believe this . one cannot act/lie effectively without some of it being real. RIGHT???

AND THEN WHEN THE POPUPS APPEARED I STARTED SHOUTING OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABT THE RP SYSTEM IM SO. LLOYD YOU BRILLIANT MOTHERFUCKER YOUUU

HE CAN JUST SKIP THE PROCESS AND THEN BECOME A SWORDMASTER HE HASNT DONE THAT IN A LONG TIME OHHHH MY GOD

also. everyone else's bonus RP was +10. but only javier's bonus RP was +45. which could mean nothing.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY ABOUT THAT LIKE. JAVIER WHAT YOU. WHAT. YOUUU im gonna lose it im gonna LOSE IT

top ten photos taken moments before disaster HE LOOKS SO EVIL THE ART HERE IS SO GOOD HAHAHAHA OHH MY GOD

and how he says "YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS" ohhh lloyd you asshole you i love you so much

THIS PANEL TOO LIKE WOW THE FUCKING EFFECTS THIS IS INSANE HE LOOKS SO FUCKING MENACING THE VIOLENT LINEART HES POWERING UP HIS SINGING OH MY GODDD HAHAHA

when i saw these panels i immediately thought of that one song from princess and the frog god i wish i could like tween or something itd be so cool to see This drawn to That

thats all i LOVED this ep i had so much fun RAPHAEL JAVIER LLOYD FIGHT PART THREE NEXT WEEK HERE WE GO

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[scythepalace]

I know I am going through it when I start listening to classical music. I feel as if the more I try to crawl out of the hole I am in it forcefully gets deeper. I literally feel like this picture from the undercover 06 collection... trapped, suffocated, blank, just overall fucking numb. I love that when I have the epiphany that being optimistic isnt a bad thing, it becomes more challenging to be optimistic... I literally adore that for me!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I do wish life wasn't as hard as it is. I dont think it makes me weak, just my natural reaction of an onslaught of nonstop ordeals making me think about a less complex life. I think about the days during quarantine, which were definitely bitter sweet, but damn were those sweet moments cavity giving. I wish the world could just stop like that again, but I doubt it ever will. I was talking to one of my friends, and they said how they have been lost since they were 12 and I was "lucky that I had something figured out." which from face value and by dictionary definition, I DO! but it still somehow feels like I am missing something. I dont know, it's almost like maybe the thing I am reaching for isnt what I actually need? Maybe I don't need a family, maybe I am telling myself these things. or am I just feeling doubtful at the moment? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two. I really admire people who keep themselves together.. cause fuck life can be intoxicating, it can be hell, this is what adults talk about when I was younger.. it is now my reality, and not just filler conversation in the background while im running around the field, imaging whole scenarios, thinking about how I have P.E the next day. It is now what I have to live, my every day I sink deeper, and deeper into this thing called life, and I am just hoping I don't drown. I honestly have to survive for this next month and a half... If I can do that, well then shit I might actually amount to something, because I could IMAGINE anything more difficult than these last two months. I applaud myself for surviving this long, but hell is it getting exhausting. being vulnerable and honest with myself, I feel myself cracking more and more every day, and I dont think anyone around me notices, or even cares to notice because they need me for their problems. I feel like I am a life force for the people around me, not being acknowledged for the hardships ive been dealing with, maybe I should applaud myself for making this shit look too easy... or maybe I should distance myself from everyone until I am looked at as an actual human that is trying to survive. thankfully I got something from my job today so I can have some type of breakfast tomorrow morning. I literally had my first bite to eat today at 3:30pm, and boy did that shit feel horrible. I cant really help it though, I dont like eating at peoples houses when I don't live there, it feels like I am taking, rather than it just me fulfilling my human needs. I also have to get rid of my cat more than likely... he has no where to go and it pains me to have to give him to another family.. I would love to avoid it but I have no choice. Hopefully the next family doesn't fail him like I did. I promise there is an ongoing pattern of just not being enough that I seem to encounter. like damn I cant even be enough to keep a damn feline! I feel like shit about that and it slowly starts to eat away at my mental conscious. I am trying my best to keep my integrity. I cant fold, I literally can NOT! if I lose my integrity I will literally have nothing to my name... at that point I would just want to end this shit. Which is such a painful thought, feeling like the only thing left of me is integrity... no cat, no car, fuck not even this job I hate working at, just integrity.... but hey if its kept me alive for this long maybe it means something more than it does just looking at it from face value. I hope to find peace of mind sometime next week, if I have to get rid of my cat..... I hope to find peace of mind within the next 6 months hahahahahaha #iwantokillmyself

Tuesday May 16th, 2023

[th-inprogress]

back to 128 lmao

i feel like i've made zero progress since i got serious about losing again mid may. i mean i know its only been a month and a half and i guess assuming i was close to 140 or at least 135 before starting all this I have made a decent bit of progress. whilst not fully starving myself and still enjoying life i guess. aside from the couple of weeks at the beginning of it all when i was actually really starving myself and felt like garbage and wanted to die all the time and could barely stand up. maybe i just tanked my metabolism and fucked it up too fast but it feels like my body is just working actively against me. i guess all i can do is stick with it and keep trying. i'm back on the bandwagon and going for an aggressive cut (800-1000 def) for the next 3 weeks, and then a moderate cut (500-700 def) for one week and then restart + focusing more on fitness and general wellness than just restricting. which like i guess is how it always starts isn't it lol.

anyway I'm fr actually fr trying to eat around 1000-1200 calories a day unless i'm doing a LOT of exercise bc even on my long run days i only burn around 2500. on a normal day where i get my 10k steps in im usually hitting around 1900- 2000 which makes me want to throw bricks through windows actually but it is as it is. i'm hoping the little bit of strength training im throwing in weekly will boost that up enough that I can eat 1200 and be in a thousand deficit most days. and also hoping that maybe the muscle helps me lean out lol I hate how flabby i look rn and i dont wanna look like a a big bulky muscle mommy fr but i do want to look long and lean and toned. I think even if i dont end up dropping as much or as fast if i look more toned and less flabby i think that would be awesome. i still wish i could look like skin and bones and not feel sick. maybe i can if i work my weight and mind set down to it but i think it has to happen naturally and slowly if i ever want to maintain it. i have to live in balance with that. I can't just eat all the time and whenever i want and whatever i want and expect to look slim, it's just reality. I have to eat small amounts ALL the time FOREVER so it has to come naturally. I have to understand food is optional. just because its there and even if its there and i want it. i dont always need to have it. i need to fall in love with being a little bit hungry all the time. not super hungry. not starving, all the time. but just a little because that is signaling I'm in a deficit lol. ok idk why im going on about this fr i need to focus on work now.

um so anyway ty for tuning in see you next time on my absolute shit show of a life.

[fuckityshitbang]

anyway re: my last post when people ask me how im doing im like

:) and how are u

i know its rhetoric but lmfao jfc THE SHIT THAT IS CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND. i know im not unique in that. everyones thinking about this shit. but bc of my silly little crazy person hobbies it goes much further than the present wrt my fears and hopelessness...

also my gf is about to quit her job and abandon her apt (kind of a package deal) cuz the job is fucked and has been bad for her for...ever, in many ways, though she learned a lot from it... but it's impossible getting a job these days when you're a trans woman in these climates, even in "common" jobs

i appreciate her will and i know she isn't wrong to do so; i suffer stagnation out of instability fear, but if sometimes more reckless, she's a lot more brave than i am. nothing ventured, nothing gained; i lose nothing, but i gain nothing.

she insists on couch surfing, but i of course won't let her be on the streets fwiw. my apartment is a whole different mountain of fish to deal with rn (i need to go to the dump to get rid of a lot of recycling thats accumulated thru my depression but have no car; the city only picks up recycling once every two weeks), otherwise i'd just offer for her to move in w me temporarily until she finds a job.

if worse comes to worse, i'll of course make it happen anyway. i can figure it out, i'm resourceful. i just wish my stupid job didnt drain me like it did.

[blackvail22]

everything went wrong so far im so disappointed

nvm im just overdramatic

everything was fun

it didnt go the way i wanted it to but it was still fun

nvm im overthinking again LMAOO

DUDE

ive been out of my meds for two days now, my anxiety meds arent working anymore... im so out of whack !!!!

like, its literally not a big deal that he has a matching pfp w his friend that flirts w him!!! yeah!!!!!!

im so overdramatic and insecure i really just need to let it go

he hates and refuses to have matching pfps w me but does w them!!!! yeah, its fine!

this is so juvenile of me i stfg

im not going to cry over this

stop. oh my god

DUDE THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDD

i hope i can get me meds nextt week a new anxiety med im losing my mind

chest is constantly burning, my hands r always shaky

its literally the worst its ever been

and im CRYING over something so STUPID

(its not stupid to me. i really like matching pfps even if its subtle... i think its cute n sweet i just wish he didnt refuse it when it comes to me...)

im so upset, man

this was supposed to be the day i could finally hang out w him but he's w his cousin im going to combust

WHY AM I CRYING OVER THINGS SO STUPID AND LITTLE FUCK

its okay for him to have friends

its okay for him to talk to his family and be witg them

im not the only person in the world

i dont even matter that much anyway so why am i so sad?

im so bored of playing games by myself and scrolling social media endlessly because no one really talks to me or makes plans with me

but when they do, sometimes my first reaction of exhaustion and how much i dont want to talk

why am i like this?

my neverending fear, now, is that i am on the spectrum and people wont accept me, even though nothing will really change... id still be the same person as before the label was placed on me, but theres such a big stigma around autistic people that its hard for people to see that?

so, if i am autistic, and if i do have adhd (or some form of it), i dont want to tell anyone. i dont like telling people abt the other 3 disorders i have, so its not like itll change....

my sister said something yesterday, and its stuck with me ever since... she said "you know, whenever you get a friend, it seems like they just start to disappear, and they just leave you"

and its true...

im just the problem, arent i?

its not my neurodivergency... its just..me

im just embarrassing to have around, i guess

[sflksjlksflksj]

personal diary

day 3 of remembering to write. things at home seem to be doing better. I tell my husband alot of whats on my mind when i am struggling and he always does his best to help me. He’s a huge workaholic. If he doesnt have work he is doing things around the house, doing yard work or helping me clean and upkeep the house. He only gets like at most 2 days off a week and his past 3 days off he has spent it mostly with me and just being there for me instead of doing stuff and it has helped me alot. Sometimes i need days where we are just cuddling and going with the flow. I think alot of my issues with newer/younger couples is that i feel like me and him will never have those same moments again and that makes me envious and feel like we arent soulmates. I know we are soulmates. i just lose myself in family life sometimes and need him to breathe fresh air into me so i can focus on myslef and not my surroundings. I hate his brother and i wish i didnt as much as i do. I hate him so much that seeing him be a 19 year old drop out isnt good enough for me. I hate that his mother got him a car. i hate that he has never held down a job longer than a few weeks. I hate that he dates around like crazy and brings these girls home for days to even weeks at a time. it feels like for me at least, me and his brother got the shit end of the stick when it comes to when we first started dating. His mother was always shaming us or critisizing us and we had jobs and were doing shit. But his brother is smoking weed and ditching school and she is buying him dinner everynight and...well at least thats how i feel. i know my feelings are exaggerated more than 86 percent of the time so i need to get over it. talking things out with my husband helps a load but it helps alot to write it down too and see how far ive matured and far ive come. I have kept multiple diarys before on laptops and computers but it was always private and i always lost them when i sold/broke the computers so itll be nice to have sometjhing thatll be online forever and i can look back on. i know i have matured alot but i also have gone downhill in some other aspects. for instance i have been drinking alot more, like 4-5 days out of the week i mix vodka into juice and drink like 7-10 cups. Not good at all. i have never gotten drunk and thats what started this drinking was that i wanted to get drunk once and it didnt work so every night ive been drinking here and there and now its becoming a destress thing and i hate it. i dont need alchohol but im feeling like i am starting down that road and i dont know how to stop exactly. Ill set out not to buy any and then ill just ask my husband to pick some up and he always is up for it. i dont know. when i drink i do care alot less about those thoughts in my head. I was able to acutally sit on the couch and talk and vibe with my mother in law while i was drunk. i know i am being stupid. my mother in laws ex husband was a alchohlic and i am sure she can see any signs of someone intoxicated. she hasnt said anything to me and we have been getting along great since then. i love my kids so much and i am so unhealthy currently. the worst i have ever been. and not only am i the fattest i have ever been but now i am drinking and i am so scared of now being able to do better. ive been talking for weeks about going on a diet but i have no fucking self control or discipline to do it and i hate so much how good i am at dissasociating with my problems. i hope i can get better with time man. i am hoping that as i grow and mature ill get some fucking self control. ive been able to reign myself in mentally sometimes when i find myself going off on unhealthy tangents in my head but again, it doesnt work for long and i always end up thinking the same way within minutes. i am going for a week to visit my dad and my step mum and let them see the boys and i am hoping there i can quit this drinking and possibly not binge eat shit and that can be my little taste of being the responsible adult i hope to be soon.

[imlosingmyfuckingmindgirl]

past week, jan 8.

well well, it is 2314 at night as im writing this, my one roomie is talking to someone and other roomie is out talking to his friend but was supposed to get me water. fuck him. i seriously love frank ocean. im bout to cry my ass out on white ferrari. first lemme hit nights. past week was FUCKING EXHAUSTING. it was all midsems, every night study while not retaining anything in the morning. sometimes i was completely blacked out on the papers. man i hated this week so much. i think i will score very very poor in this midsem. i dont know how will i face my parents when i tell them my score. im scared, on the big god. im scared as fuck. apart from proff comms, i dont think i will score a decent score on any paper. it was so bad. let's see what happens on 11th as i get fucked from others' reaction. fuck this exam season. apart from that, my parents went to my sister's place to take care of her while she is developing her twins (manifesting is strong here vro). it caught me offguard that they went home, it was so unexpected. but its okay, they are together. she needs them, more than me. and you know i always let go only to find out later that i dont. white ferrari, good times. i don't wanna do this anymore, i think im fucking depressed. i would have not forgiven myself if lexa killed herself that new year's eve night. she told me that she was going to do it. but could not. i dont know if i can save her but i will try my best. i care for her, i fucking do. i fucking care for her as if she were my girl. even though i exist for her only in her mind. she told my she has this college debt and she could not pay it back and how she is a dissapointment and all that negative manifestation. i freed her from all that, all i could. i just dont want her to go out like that. she has been thru it all. i know. she is very brave and i will let her know it. i wont let her die. my backside pains so much as i am typing this. our whole hostel is victimized by covid, i think. everyone is falling sick. gods grace im okay till now. please let me be okay, god. im outchere, drinking mojitos and cokes and shit while these guys are suffering. god i spent reckless today. my fucking tire burst. spend 630 on that. ate some good shit for dinner 175 for that. i been spending like racks. i am guilting myself over it. and i have no remorse. guilt is overrated anyway. i dont know why, i just feel sad. like bruh lemme be happy one night. i just feel like all my family problems are caused by me. i dont feel my emotions unless and until i write them down. now its hitting me. just saw a reel stating that her mom is in depression and it shows her pampering her mother like her own child. just pictured it with my own mom crying and now i cannot sleep. somenights i just wanna cry my eyes out. like soak this pillow wet. If you think about it, it'll be over in no time And that's life. im tired of moving, im tired of aching. i dont wanna do this anymore, i just wanna cry until i die. nicoles new album just came out and i vibed to that while the full moon was out. it was fucking beautiful. i pictured death and its beautiful. i love her. and i dont love people. i love you mom, and dad and my sister. but sorry if i lose some battles. i hope i make it out. peace, tommorow is my music audition plus my physics lab, wish me luck. peace to every crease. -alister.

[tara-len23]

so i been mia for a while this time

So ive talked to you guys about my 2dogs beretta and sir right my pocket bullies beretta is my older one shes coming up on 2 in may and sir was only 7 months old when he passed i think he ate either a magic eraser or he ate something that he couldn't digest and it caused internal issues i couldn't save him once i realized he was sick he passed with in 24 hours and i had no idea how sick he was... it fucking killed me i have been in such a state of depression and just loss without him, i bottle fed that baby from 2weeks old he has been a large part of my life all day everyday for almost a yr losing him was so fucking difficult.... i think im ready for another male but i cant get one till my mom takes her dogs back bc i am having a hard enough time juggling beretta (mine) op (moms) and foxy (my sisters dog) bc 2 of them not being my dogs and not having a bond with them means they dont mind me for shit and they have anxiety form being away from their humans and stuck with me... i love animals and im going to help when and where i can with my family and their pet situations at the moment but from all the structure that i use to have and dont at the moment beretta isn't even listening, shes been kinda off since sir passed away but then i got these othere 2 dogs thrown on me so soon after losing sir and chaos was undoubtably thrown into my life that its been hell getting her to mind me lately she is acting like she is starved for attention and doesn't wanna listien so we gotta get that shit under control erin gers foxy back in 2 weeks so that will be good and if my mom would either keep op or let me find him a new home one or the other i can get beretta back to behaving then i can consider getting another male soon. but first i gotta get everyne elses dogs gone adn mine acting like she knows some act rght..... im at mymoms right now for a day or 2 and i wont lie im not mad about being here but honestly i wish the city woud have just let me keep my camper parked here life would be so mch easer and so much better but one plus is im close to tate adn get to spend time with him on a regular bases..... i need to come up on a hssle tho like for real for some side cash or something or i aint gonnna make it period point blank anyway thats where im at in life right now but ima go xoxoox

[timmymyluv]

STARGIRL.

FAKE INSTA AU

FC: rosé of blackpink

kpop fem!idol reader x timothée chalamet

hi everyone! this is going to be my first official soc med au after my trip. sorry i haven’t posted in a while - not only fighting jet lag and trying to arrange things before my surgery (small area and of no concern but i will be out 6 weeks so im trying to do as much as i can before im bed ridden haha) 

was going to post my older drafts in order of their creation but seeing my fc girlie rosie and flo i couldn’t resist finishing this one first! hope u like this mwah

enews

liked by haileesteinfeld,prideofgypsies, zoeisabellakravitz and 1.2m others 

kpop idol turned actress yn ln? yn has been spotted the past few weeks on the gossip girl reboot set. while her role has not been announced as the show is tight lipped about the cast list, we wouldn’t be surprised if she bags the main character slot soon. xoxo gossip girl. 

tagged yourusername

fans8 ACTRESS YNNNNN

fan2 oh so we’re now never getting a comeback thanks 💀

ynfan1 omg didn’t yn say gossip girl was her fav show and serena was her style icon and now she’s on the reboot we love a manifestation girlie 🌟

user123 i only imagine yn and tim watching gg together for date night 

tchalamet and we will be tuned in! 

timoyn5ever OMGG TIMO

randomuser he never comments on these things he’s whipped

user3 find me a man who hype me up like this fr

hater7 boo yn can’t act kpop idols are always flops in front of the camera they cant act she’ll give emotionless fish face

user77 ok troll move on bye

user8 not giving you a time of day bye hater

deuxmoi

liked by chalafans, ynforever777, and 345k others

actor timothee chalamet and fiancee singer-somgwriter yn ln spotted together at an exclusive hollywood dinner last night!  

tagged yourusername, tchalamet

fans7 they’re so cute i love my mom and dad

user111 not timo looking at the camera and never caught off guard

timfan photogenic king you’ll never see him miss! 

user224 and yn not giving a fuck just eating and minding their business they’re so funny i love them fr 

bpfanbase yn and timo networking and making money moves we love a power couple 

florencepugh

liked by lauradern, ethanhawke, jessicachastain and 56.8m others

our wedding photos 😁😌love you my wife. married 06.09.22

tagged yourusername, tchalamet

tchalamet NOW WAIT A MINUTE 😡

florencepugh you snooze you lose tough guy

zendaya see when you wait too long? 

yourusername that’s right 

lauradern congrats to the love birds! 🤗

user6 NOT LAURA THINKING ITS REALL

user02 she’s probably just going with the joke kjsd

ewanmcgregor happy marriage! 

dualipa well thanks for not inviting me and not making me maid of honour 🙄

yourusername sorry it was short notice to book the venue 

user2 i love flo and yn they’re so cute so lovely i love my girls they care me 

yourusername

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shine bright like a diamond 💎✨thanks for having me @/tiffanyandco tonight at the release of the new collection. 

tagged tiffanyandco

theweeknd my stargirl ❤️‍🔥

yourusername 🖤

tchalamet my angel

yourusername my light my love 

thatuser SHE LOOKS SO GOOD

blink194 where’s the comeback missy? 🤬

yourusername soon. 

user34 THIS IS SO OMINOUS HELLO?

usernamehere ok let’s be nice in the comments and not mean ok

   liked by yourusername

user6 yn blink if you’ve been recording for a new bp album recently

yourusername blinks

random3 OH MY GODD

kidcudi stunning as always

yourusername thanks bro!! miss ya let’s chat soon 

kidcudi 🙏

chalametupdates

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finally timothee spotted today in nyc with his assistants and make up/hair crew! he was recently seen on his way to his new shared loft with yn in the upper east side. 

tagged tchalamet

yourusername lord he looks so good

user9 YN THIS IS NOT UR PRIV

yourusername idc i have nothing to hide he is my man and i am proud 😁

inactiveuser oh to be yn and show off your s/o as timmy wish that were me 

yourusername he's so sexc PLEASE

tchalz8 she’s just like us spazzing so real

user12 except she’s his fiancee and the love of his life 😭

yourusername had me crying in the club

user87 didn’t you just see him like last week

yourusername and? 

random9 she has a point fr

yourusername on my knees at a walmart buying groceries he's so sick for this

yourusername head in hands

user5 HE LIVES

random234 AND WE GOT A PULSE

timo.chalz was afraid we’d have to name a death time and all god i missed him so much 😭

[4dtk]

have this absolute shameless drabble of sugar daddy gojo that i wrote in between requests. my fingers have never typed so fast im sorry this is literally self-indulgent at this point ARJGJFFJ.

disclaimer i honestly can't see anyone calling gojo daddy but just for this fic..... ill allow it..... and also bc sugar daddy gojo is just always residing in my mind. did you see how he transferred 10 mil to mei mei!!!!! i will never shut the fuck up about that scene. pls spoil me <3

warnings: praise, public sex, sugar daddy/sugar baby relations, breeding kink, pet names

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI

sugar daddy!gojo pushes you up against the window of the store, visible for everyone to see you getting fucked senseless. in the gucci store four floors up, it could work both ways. fortunate to be so high up, although people would be getting a treat if they happened to look up.

“you know what you’re doing, baby?” he grunts, hips rocking into your soaked pussy as the staff outside try to ignore the lewd noises coming from behind the curtains.

it was supposed to be a simple trip: get a dress for gojo’s event in a few weeks and get out. with a tight arm wrapped around his, you followed him around like a starstruck puppy, the edges of your lips curled up knowing he’d treat you a million times over if you just asked for it.

gojo wasn’t any different, either. sure, he’s had sugar babies in the past, but not quite like you who’s so easy to please and spoil, knowing you could never say no even if your life depended on it. with your desperate listing for the requirement of monetary assistance, gojo couldn’t resist taking up the offer.

he just hadn’t expected you to be so… pliant. you had taken it like a good little bitch, too, moaning out for everyone to hear because you liked it like that.

“you’re taking my cock so well, princess,” gojo muttered out, lips nibbling on your ear as he continued to pound you. his grin that you feel against your skin plagues your mind, wanting nothing more than to see how he enjoys ruining you.

the catchy, upbeat pop song playing above you seemed to provide some rhythm, the sultry lyrics fuelling you further.

"so needy that i had to buy out the whole store for an hour, huh?" the male slows his pace, delivering deep thrusts into your cunt with the precision of an expert.

all you can reply are in little pants, sentences incoherent from how deep his cock is in you.

"i don't even think an hour is enough to satisfy my pretty little girl, isn't that right?" gojo picks up the speed again, and you're brought back to the many times he's fucked over his counter, washing machine. to the times where he's eaten you out on his office table and in his sheets of his king-sized.

and now, you've got another memory locked away for nights full of loneliness and soaked underwear when gojo's just too busy for you.

a tongue to your nipples and a hand to your clit makes you choke out a moan, writhing against the glass just to feel more of gojo, more of his cock and more of his lips on your neck.

you're struggling to keep yourself up, finding the right time in between muffled moans and whimpers to ask for one more wish.

"daddy... p-please, i wanna see your-"

"what, baby? repeat it for me." goddamn, the man had no problem articulating his words, how much had he fucked you already?

clearly not enough if you're still able to speak.

"w-wanna see your face when you fuck me deep, daddy!"

your wish is taken away when you're already creaming all over gojo as your hot breath creates fog on the glass in a silent scream.

"aw, you're cumming so hard baby~ you didn't even get to see me yet," he coos, enjoying the gush of your juices that coat his dick and your thighs. everything feels sticky and dirty, but you don't hesitate to beg for one more fuck with your eyes.

gojo catches your drift immediately, hips twitching from the idea of pumping you full of his cum. after all, he hasn't come yet.

he grunts at the time with a quick glance to the clock above your head. without wasting any more time, he flips you over, the restraint to cum slowly reaching its limit with your lolling tongue and fucked-out face.

the male doesn't bother to hide the deep groan that rips from his throat when he drags his dick along your folds, strings of both your juices stretching out in a way that hypnotises gojo.

"n-need your cock, daddy! please!" you whine, grinding your hips against the tip to make sure gojo knows of your desperation. that he's the only one to fuck you so good that no one else can satisfy you.

he smiles knowingly before he sinks into you.

gojo knows that he's the only one that can make you feel this way as he picks up the tempo, hitting spots in you that you didn't know was physically possible.

gojo knows that he's the only one you call daddy shamelessly as he writes off his card to help you in your student debts and the sparkly dress you've been eyeing.

he could throw you away the second you're done with university, the second the media's off his ass about his love life but, the sweet, sweet moans spilling from your lips pull him back in every single time, eager to hear it for as long as your bank's empty and his is piled up with money.

"more! satoru, more, fuuuck..." you groan, shying away from the striking blues of his eyes the more he drinks in your current state.

he's barely holding on, not even minding the first name you called him. the short skirt he'd given you flipped up makes him go crazy, your panties moved to the side to receive the dressing room quickie you always wanted.

"you're so de..eep daddy! i need all your c-cum please...!" it's a mix between a whimper and a whine.

"yeah? 'course i am, baby. your pussy is sucking me in all the w-way," gojo's hips stutters at how you squirm in his tight grasp, locking eyes with him as yours fill with want. your pussy is throbbing, stretched out so much that you don't register the thumb playing with your clit.

"s' too much...! s' too much, d-daddy!"

"you're a good girl, aren't you?" the way you nod is pathetic, eyebrows knitted from being stuffed so full.

"pretty little thing- fuuck..." gojo's losing control himself, the way his balls slaps against your cunt resonates around the small space and nothing feels better than being inches deep in you.

you're a babbling mess by then, unable to even scream out as you cream his cock. with head thrown back, you're left frozen for a second as the orgasm washes over you and a violent shudders goes through your thighs.

"daddy has so much, s-shit- cum for you, doll," it isn't long before the other comes undone, a groan escaping his lips before he shoots his load deep into you.

your pussy is stained white from all the cum he's giving you, gasping from how much gojo is leaking into you.

"thank y-you, satoru..." you trembling has affected your voice, too, burying your head into gojo's neck while your body shivers from sensitivity.

"take all of it, baby," gojo whispers, the hand near your middle moves instantly to finger his cum back into you, fixing back your underwear over your pussy.

a cheeky giggle leaves your mouth as you untangle yourself from the embrace, welcoming a kiss from the man as he slowly begins to clean up himself.

"have you chosen a dress yet, sir?"

gojo's smile is mischievous, not missing the way your face flushes at having to face the embarrassed staff outside.

"we'll take everything, thanks," his eyes never leave you as he helps you off the changing room chair, tugging your body flush to his before leaving you with one more hungry kiss.

"you did so well for daddy, doll. i may just have to treat you tonight since you have a day off university tomorrow..."

even if it wasn't in the contract, gojo loved to spoil you, admiring your mettle when it comes to material items. although...

"you know what i mean," it's enchanting, the way his voice travels like silk, "i'll call in sick for work tomorrow, yeah?"

your mind goes to mush at what tonight might entail, losing all train of coherence when his hushed whisper of my baby's so cute reaches your ear.

in a second you're out of there, hand twined with his while you remain giddy with the thought of getting used by gojo until you reach your limit.

[tooruluv]

Hajime Iwaizumi x F!Reader

❝ enemies, as well as lovers, come to resemble each other over a period of time ❞

description: your feud with hajime iwaizumi only escalated throughout your years at hogwarts; whether it was on the quidditch field or who would be the first to sit down in class, there always seemed to be some sort of raging competition between you two.  

genre: hogwarts!au, angst, enemies to lovers, slow burn, rivals, gryffindor quidditch keeper iwaizumi, slytherin quidditch captain f!reader

word count: 5.5k

warnings/notes: swearing, lots of angst, small depictions of violence, mentions of alcohol and drinking, not proof read im so sorry although i am an avid believer than both iwa and oikawa would be slytherins, i wanted to play with the idea of them being gryffindors, which actually makes sense when you think hard about it hfklhfd anyway! please enjoy!

part of a hogwarts collab !  collab masterlist posted here ! tysm to the wonderful @rintsuru​ for hosting <3

my general masterlist

You could feel his presence from across the dining hall, immediately dowsing you in a raging hatred that you only reserved for him. His arrogance mocked you as he basically danced into the Great Hall bathed in compliments.

The Gryffindor quidditch team won against Ravenclaw the night before. You didn’t know why he had all of the glory... he wasn’t even the captain. Being keeper had its perks, you guessed.

You rolled your eyes and focused your attention to your food. You tried not to stab the plate as you heard the varying praises to the boy in red and gold. “Congrats, Iwa!” and “That last block was brilliant!” nearly made you want to choke.

Hajime Iwaizumi was simply not someone who deserved such compliments. He was vile, annoying, and did everything in his limited power to poke and prod at every single one of your nerves. You used to ignore your burning hatred that you harbored for him; but late in your second year, you had let it all out.

And, as it turned out, he wasn’t quite fond of you either.

It had been years since then, yet the feelings remained the same. It was just the start of your sixth year and you already wanted to gouge his eyes out with the pointy end of your fork.

Tooru Oikawa caught your gaze and sent you a cheeky smile. You wished that you could hate the captain as much as his keeper, but you only let your hatred for him simmer for so long. He was quite fun when he wasn’t next to the little shit.

“Just wait for next week when you verse Slytherin! You’re sure to win!” a small Gryffindor told them. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure.” You said, perhaps a bit too loudly. You lacked volume control, after all.

“What was that, Slytherin?” Iwaizumi turned to you. His gaze was fire on your skin and you wanted nothing but to catch him aflame as well. 

“Your arrogance and cockiness proceeds even you.” You said, voice monotone and venomous against the recent silence at your speech. “I wouldn’t be too sure of your success.”

“Say that again after the match.” Iwaizumi turned back to accept another compliment and find a place to sit at his house’s table.

You wondered if you would get expelled if an apple happened to launch out of your hands and land on the back of his head.

Late in your second year, you had enough of Hajime Iwaizumi.

The both of you were in a silent competition the minute you were introduced to each other in your first year. It was never anything serious, just two eleven year olds who liked to be at the top.

It wasn’t until your second year that you started to feel genuine distaste for him. You had buried the thought of “hate” for a long time, masking it to be annoyance and opposition. 

The hatred was much deeper than a surface burn.

It was during charms class that you finally snapped. 

It was not more than the simple mutter of his breath. It was a mispronunciation of the spell and the tap of his wand against the table that made you lose your control. 

“Hajime! Can you please, for the love of Merlin, shut the fuck up!” The harsh language created a tense silence through the classroom. No twelve year old had the balls to curse that hard in front of that many people, including a professor. “If you are going to be an idiot, at least try to hide it.”

Hajime Iwaizumi turned in his seat to face you, irritation and vexation easily overpowering his shock. 

“Funny that you’re saying that.” He said.

“You’re so ridiculous.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I’m Hajime Iwaizumi and I am a perfect student that can’t even properly pronounce a simple spell! But that doesn’t matter because guess who’s a keeper for the quidditch team when I’m only a second year!! I am perfect!! Literally no one likes you.”

“Trust me, no one likes you either.”

No one meaning, and translating to, I don’t.

Just to show off, you easily cast the charm that he had failed. Charms was your strong subject, so you only needed to say the spell and flick your wand before turning your attention back to him.

He was nearly smoking from his ears, he was both embarrassed and livid.

You waved to Kei Tsukishima as you caught his gaze from the side of the hall. He was a fellow Slytherin and a good friend, though neither of you would admit that to each other.

He nodded as his greeting. He shoved his book back into his bag as you made your way to his side.

“Hey, Tsukki.” You said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until practice tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’m waiting for Yamaguchi.” He turned his body to lean against the wall. “We’re going to Hogsmeade today.”

“No invitation?”

He sighed. “Would you like to join us, Captain?”

“I was joking, no need to sound so enthusiastic.” You chuckled. As you started to speak again, Tadashi Yamaguchi left the classroom the two of you stood outside of. He smiled at you, his green and white reflecting off of his eyes.

“Captain!” Yamaguchi greeted, putting an arm around your shoulder. “Are you coming to Hogsmeade with us?”

“Be careful, the idiots are coming.” Tsukishima interrupted and warned, motioning over your shoulder.

You turned around to find Oikawa and Iwaizumi walking next to each other, laughing about something only the two of them knew. You had to hold back from making a comment.

“Yoohoo!” Tooru Oikawa caught your eye. You sighed and turned back to your fellow Slytherins, sharing a look. 

“Hello, Tooru.” You felt him beside you before you looked. 

You purposely didn’t look at Iwaizumi. 

“We’re celebrating our win tonight, you guys should join!” Oikawa invited. You heard Iwaizumi’s exhale of frustration, but you only rolled your eyes in an attempt to ignore his presence. 

“You want a group of Slytherins hanging out with you, celebrating your win, when we go against you in less than a week?” Tsukishima spoke up. He moved off of the wall. “No thanks. Come, Yamaguchi. Let’s go.”

Yamaguchi waved goodbye and followed his best friend down the hall. You pivoted to fully face the two Gryffindors.

“I’ll come.” You said, mainly out of spite.

Tooru Oikawa was naturally outgoing. He was the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, a flirt, and all together a pretty chill person. You didn’t mind calling him a friend, despite the vast differences between you two.

One vast difference being his best friend.

Which is why you found yourself next to him as soon as you entered the Gryffindor party. The cascades of burgundy and gold created a deep atmosphere in the hidden room, lights dancing along the dark walls and the smell of various alcohols filled the air. It was a Gryffindor party, that much was true.

You were one of the very few Slytherins that occupied the room. Your eyes caught sight of only a couple, most of them much younger than you and just happy to be at one of their first few parties.

“Oi, a snake has crawled into the winner’s common room.” Oikawa joked as he handed you a can. You accepted. 

“A snake in a lion’s den, I wonder who will win.” You quipped. 

“The lion, for sure.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. Snakes can eat things 100 percent their size.” You raised a brow and opened your can. 

“Hm,” Oikawa looked over his shoulder and called out for someone you didn’t see. “Hey! Who do you think would win, a lion or a snake?”

“A lion obviously.” It was Hajime Iwaizumi. 

You let out a groan, immediately losing your sense of humor. “Ah, you’ll see in less than a week.”

“I don’t think I will.” Iwaizumi said, stoic and annoyed. “This win was only one of few.”

“I suggest you just celebrate this win.” You took a sip. “Because I don’t think the losing team would like to come to the winner’s party.”

“That just means I will not be seeing you, which is a grand idea.”

It was the time of year just before winter, where the air starts to cool but the sun still warms your skin. You took a breath and held your broom at your side. 

It was near minutes before the anticipated game against Gryffindor, and you could hear the crowds already. The rivalry between your houses was something that everyone enjoyed; the rivalry between you and their keeper was all you.

“Alright team.” You pivoted to the team behind you. “We’re playing Serpent first; and if we don’t get any points within the first two minutes, I’ll hold up the signal for Green. Got it?”

“Got it.”

You had a pretty well-rounded team in your honest opinion. Tsukishima was perfect as your keeper, he was never one to let anything get past him. Your chasers included you, Yamaguchi, and another girl named Yui Michimiya. You had the Miya twins for beaters. And, rather recently, you gained a new seeker named Tobio Kageyama. The same age as your keeper, but only wanted to join quidditch out of hate for the Gryffindor seeker (and who were you to deny that?).

The Gryffindor team was not one to mess with, they had a nice team too. Iwaizumi as the keeper, the Idiots Nishinoya and Tanaka as beaters, their new seeker Shoyo Hinata... but the problem was their chasers: Oikawa, Kiyoko Shimizu, and Wakatoshi Ushijima. They were so quick on their brooms, it was like working against wind.

Today was no day to lose.

“It’s our first official match of the year.” You encouraged. “Let’s show them who not to mess with.”

“Let’s absolutely destroy them.” Atsumu added.

You grinned.

As you headed towards the field, you could feel the adrenaline creeping into your bones. Quidditch had become routine, simple muscle memory as you moved to your starting positions. 

The Gryffindor team appeared, and you felt the excitement enter you in a rush of air.

In the air, Hajime Iwaizumi felt at peace. He was very good at what he did, and he knew that, and the game was something he was passionate about.

He was also passionate about beating you.

You were the bane of his existence. You had never once sent him anything other than something bitter or sarcastic. You were an annoying pest that he simply couldn’t get rid of.

And as you threw the Quaffle into the goal just above his head, Iwaizumi felt his eye twitch.

Slytherin won, Tobio Kageyama’s hand high with the Snitch inside. 

You watched in triumph as the teams descended on the brooms. From the skies down, you cheered.

“Congrats, Slytherin.” Oikawa said, though his tone was bitter and sour. 

You knew that he hated losing, so you didn’t push it. He was a friend, after all. Sending him just a small “I’m sorry you didn’t win” smile, you headed to your team. You gathered them into a hug, or rather-- a huddle, and ruffled the hair on Kageyama’s head. 

You peeked over your shoulder to catch sight of Iwaizumi. He was standing, hands at his sides, red face and eyes blank of any expression other than anger.

You smirked at him.

Hajime Iwaizumi was on the other side of the victory this time, silently brooding as he picked at his food in the Great Hall. The Gryffindor table emitted zero volume. 

He was pissed off the second you entered the hall, Kei Tsukishima and Tadashi Yamaguchi walking beside you. The green and white seemed to glow, mocking him in the worst way imaginable. 

Oikawa tried to bring his attention back to the food, but Iwaizumi was focused primarily on you. You were gloating, relishing in his loss, taking delight in the compliments from your house. A Hufflepuff appeared at your side, and you smiled as you thanked them for their congratulations. 

He felt sick.

You could not help but drown yourself in the triumph. You walked on air, the feeling of superiority tickling every inch of skin it could touch.

You waved goodbye to a couple of friends, heading directly to the Gryffindor table. You placed your hands on Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s shoulders, leaning to place your head right between theirs.

“I suppose the snake beats the lion.” You sent a wink to Iwaizumi, knowing full well how it would provoke him. 

“Fuck off.” Iwaizumi shoved your hand off of his shoulder.

“Go receive your praise at the Slytherin table.” Oikawa shooed, fork in hand. “You won’t find it here.”

“Sore losers.” You mocked just for fun. You stood straight. “I imagine that I would be the same, given it were the other way.”

You basically skipped back to your table for breakfast.

You were absolutely elated for the rest of the day. It was quite similar to being on cloud 9, winning your first game of the year against your rivals. The look on Hajime Iwaizumi’s face only added to the feeling.

You were walking down the hall, talking to a fellow Slytherin girl who had her arm wrapped in yours. She was going on and on about how she wished she could have imprinted Kageyama’s snitch catch to her memory.

That was when your shoulder collided directly into a firm body.

Your arm was ripped away from your classmates, along with your bag that fell onto the hard ground with a loud thud and wisp of parchment and ink. Everything in your bag now scattered the ground, covered in the dark ink and dirt. 

Your mood was too high to get too angry. It was an accident; you would bite your tongue and clean up the mess.

Until you realized just who’s shoulder you ran into: Hajime Iwaizumi. Your greatest enemy and now destruction of your contents.

“Watch where you’re going next time, Hajime.” You grunted, kneeling to save some of your parchment before the ink could reach it. 

“Perhaps if you had your head out of your ass, you wouldn’t have run into me.” Iwaizumi responded. He had turned to face you midway through your fall.

“As if you didn’t feel this way a week ago.” You told him, standing up. Nearly everything that was in your bag was soaked, including the bag itself. You inhaled deeply. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Now, why would I run my shoulder into you on purpose hoping to ruin your mood?” He asked. “You must be very arrogant to think that everything must be about you.”

You clenched your jaw and closed your eyes. “I will not let a piece of shit such as yourself bring my mood down today. Today is a good day.”

You knelt once again to find your essay that you had written for Snape, searching your documents. Only to find it one of the few that were directly under the ink, completely doused in black.

“Actually, fuck you.” You lifted the paper. Ink dripped off and onto the ground. “Do you know how long I worked on this?”

“I don’t know, a couple of minutes?” Iwaizumi shrugged. “You aren’t exactly the best at your schoolwork.”

“You wish you knew me well, but you don’t at all.” You felt anger boil in your chest. “I worked very hard on this essay. Days, even. And you destroyed it in less than five seconds..”

“There’s the Slytherin in you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “You think everything has to be about you, and if it doesn’t than someone is out to get you. Your ego is so fucking enormous that you can’t even muster the idea that maybe something isn’t about you. You didn’t even win, Tobio won the game for you. God, why don’t you go make a friend instead of standing here arguing with me about an accident?”

And then, “You really are a raging bitch, aren’t you?”

The girl that you were talking to had wide eyes, and you were sure that she was ready to fight. A couple of bystanders that were once just listeners started to mumble. And you.... you couldn’t fathom words.

Your feud with him had grown deep, but it had never gone as far as that. In front of a crowd, no less. 

It was one thing to make comments, to be bitter and roll your eyes at each other’s presence. It was one thing to bicker, to fight, to joke to friends about the other’s incompetence and purposely pull on each other’s strings.

It was something else completely to call you a bitch in front of everyone in the middle of a hallway after a thread of insults.

You fake smiled, feeling unwanted tears threaten their way to your eyes. You would not allow yourself the angry tears; they would only make you angrier. 

“You’re more than just an asshole, Hajime Iwaizumi.” You told him. Because you truly didn’t have any words.

“Calling a woman a bitch is the worst insult. Those are fighting words.” Oikawa’s older sister used to say. “It’s comparable to calling a man a pussy.”

Hajime Iwaizumi didn’t think much while he spoke. He just said the things as they came, especially when he didn’t really care much about what you thought of him.

But, calling you a bitch... that felt as if it were crossing a line that he didn’t have the authority to cross. And the look on your face after he said it was one that he had never witnessed on you.

At practice, his head still held the image of you. 

He was confused. Why did he regret calling you a name? It wasn’t as if the two of you don’t argue in front of people all of the time. In fact, it was nearly a common occurrence. 

For some ungodly reason, he felt a tug at his chest. 

“Maybe you should apologize?” Oikawa suggested.

“Why would I apologize to her?”

“Because I think you went a little bit too far.” He told his best friend as truthfully as possible. “Because as much as I think the rivalry between you two is fun, she’s still just a girl. And because my sister said you should.”

“You wrote your sister?”

“Yeah, of course I did.”

For several days, Hajime Iwaizumi hadn’t seen you. You didn’t eat in the Great Hall, you didn’t come to the classes he had with you, you didn’t go to Hogsmeade like you usually did on weekends.

So, he came to your practice.

He was hoping to apologize. It was something he had never done to you before, and he had practiced it quite a few times. Just a small, “I’m sorry for calling you a bitch in front of everyone.”

Yes. That should be fine and the two of you could go back to the regularly scheduled loathing.

But the second he stepped onto the field, the two beaters stood in front of him. 

“I wouldn’t.” Atsumu said, holding his broom. “She’s been in a mood.”

“I know, I’m the reason for that.” Iwaizumi said. “I just want to talk to her. Just a second.”

“I wouldn’t.” Osamu repeated. “Whatever you have to say, it’s gonna have to wait.”

Iwaizumi nodded, looking at the twins. He was going to ask them to tell you that he had been there, ask them to ask you to meet him somewhere or something so he can get the stupid apology off of his chest, when you appeared behind them.

“Get off of my field, Hajime Iwaizumi.” You said. You had been at practice for the past two hours (according to the sign ups), yet your voice was even and you hadn’t even broken a sweat. In fact, your voice spit toxin in his direction.

“I just wanted to...”

You had taken off before he could even say his second word. The twins followed right after.

Tooru Oikawa took a place beside you. It would have been normal, if it were not for your avid avoidance of anyone with a Gryffindor robe on.

“Hello, Tooru.” You said without sparing him a glance.

The thing was, you weren’t angry with him. You didn’t hate Oikawa, you hated his closest friend. And by association, you didn’t want to talk to him just as much. Oikawa had always been the middle ground between the doom and gloom that was the dark haired man you hated.

“I think you should talk to Iwa.” Oikawa said. Plain and simple, to the point.

“I think you should mind your business.” You retorted. “I never talked to him to begin with, what’s different now?”

“Because now is different.” He grabbed his book as the professor walked in. “Now, you won’t even say your smart ass remarks or tell him how fucked up his hair looks. Now is just... boring and sad.”

“So you want me to talk to the guy I hate in order for you to not be bored?” You scoffed and collected your things. “Truly, you are his best friend.”

You left just as the professor started talking, receiving a few stares in the process. It wasn’t as if you weren’t used to that.

You were walking with Tsukishima, laughing at your attempts to get him to smile. Your team had really taken your mind and restored your confidence. You figured, as long as you didn’t see the man you hate then he simply didn’t exist. It was that easy.

Until you accidentally caught his eye across the street. 

It had been snowing, so most of the students were in their winter gear and warm clothes. You yourself had a hat and scarf on, gloves to cover your hands despite the hot to-go mug of cocoa in them. 

Hogsmeade was quite busy with everyone getting last minute holiday gifts and hurrying to hang out before break. Yet, somehow, your eyes found the brown of Iwaizumi’s.

You turned around, forcing Tsukishima to follow. The younger boy didn’t even have to ask about your change in demeanor, easily falling into pace beside you. 

You felt a hand on your wrist, and heard your name being called. “Hey. Can I talk to you? I’ve been trying to apologize...”

You stopped dead in your tracks, as if you were pulled on a leash. As if his bare hand touching your empty gloved one had scolded you. Iwaizumi stood before you, red cheeks from either the cold or from rushing after you. Either way, you wanted nothing to do with it. 

He had spun you in his grasp, his jaw tight and eyes searching yours before falling to his hand around yours. His grip on your wrist was tight, and he swallowed as his eyes found yours again.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” You snatched your arm away. “Have you ever considered that? I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to hear your half-ass apology!”

“I have been trying to talk to you.” He said. “I...” His eyes scanned yours. His tongue rolled in his mouth. “You mean to tell me that you don’t want my apologies?”

“You’ve made it very clear what you think of me, so I hope that I can make this very clear for you,” You took a deep breath. “I hate you. I don’t like you, I have never liked you, and I hope that whatever it is that is eating you up inside continues to do so.”

Hajime Iwaizumi’s eye twitched. He started to take a step towards you, but decided against it, falling back into the same step. “I don’t...” His voice was nothing as you had ever heard it. “You...” His eyes clouded with the emotions you were familiar with. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

It was a sudden realization. It was not something you had even considered before, not something planned or reasoned. It was much like a tsunami, a build up of unrelated activity that brought something else entirely.

Emotions were unfortunate things. If you feel extreme emotions for someone, no matter what... they are still very strong feelings.

Hate to love, what a strange concept.

You held the potion below your nose, inhaling the scent. 

“What does it smell like?” Snape asked.

“It smells like... bergamot.” You distinguished the varying smells. “Apple. And... lavender?”

You stepped back and hoped no one could see you connecting the dots through your eyes.

Tooru Oikawa was an observant person. He was known to be the person who knew the best for his team, easily finding the perfect techniques for each on the field and as encouragement. He was one for connections and relationships.

Which is why he knew that you were masking feelings of something else with this burning hatred. Which is why he knew why you felt so bad after Iwa called you a terrible name in front of an audience. Which is why he knew who it was when you listed your amortentia scents.

He tried to send you a look from his seat across from you, classes later. He wanted to tell you that he knew; that he knew there was something more to what’s going on, and that something was Iwaizumi.

You just sent him a middle finger, knowing full well what he was getting at.

Your feelings didn’t just suddenly arrive. And you were full of confusion, disorientation, and most of all... anger.

For as long as you could remember, Hajime Iwaizumi was supposed to be your arch enemy. He was your nemesis on a daily basis. He was the reason for your annoyance. He was the reason for your hatred for the colors red and gold. He was the reason you became the quidditch captain. He was the reason for the breath leaving your lungs.

And he was the reason for the breath entering.

You were pissed. You were pissed that you had unrealized feelings for the man you were supposed to hate, have hated for years. You were pissed that your love had been in a game of chess, where the only outcome is to win or forfeit. You were pissed that the entire time you had spent a vast majority of your time hating, loathing, rolling your eyes at... the entire time you had a reserved space for hate, when it should have been quite the opposite.

The luck must have been exclusively for someone else, because it seemed as though whoever created you had decided to have a fun game.

You had punched Hajime Iwaizumi once. 

It was something you thought of a lot, and it was the main reason Iwaizumi chose not to test you too closely to that day. 

He was rolling his eyes at something Oikawa was saying when you walked by. You were heading to your quidditch practice, the captain not one for latecomers. And he caught sight of you. He quickly jumped from his spot and stopped you from passing.

“Out of the way, Hajime, I have practice.”

“Oh, right, because you’re on the quidditch team now.”

“I am, thank you very much.” It was the beginning of third year, and you were not only annoyed but you were also a Growing Person going through puberty. You did not have time to deal with a teenage boy pissing you off. “You forget that not everyone got on the team their first year of trying out.”

“Because we’re better than the entire Slytherin team.”

“Talk to me when you win a house cup.” You tried to push past him, but he stood directly in front of you in one step. “Move, or be moved.”

“What are you going to do? Punch me?”

So, you did. Your fist collided with his cheek before you could even register that it had happened. Oikawa gasped out loud, it quickly turning into a laugh. 

“She punched you!” Oikawa laughed, grasping at his sides. “Ah man!”

While Iwaizumi touched his cheek to check that— ah yes, you really did punch him— you were already walking away to the practice field.

Iwaizumi missed you, if he were being fully and completely honest with himself.

He found himself searching for you in classes or in common areas, prepared for your snide remarks and bitter taunts. He found himself waiting for you to roll your eyes at his presence; looking for you to quip about the next quidditch game.

But when none of it came, he felt out of place.

He actually missed your annoyed banter. He missed you shoving your middle finger in his direction. He missed the redness on your cheeks when you would try to calm yourself down. He missed the silence that would escape you if he entered a room and you were anything other than angry.

He missed catching you smiling at someone and watching your face change. He missed the arguments in class. He missed the little comments during eating.

Confused, he pushed those feelings down as he watched you eat with some Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff that he had never talked to before.

It had been several weeks of silence from your end. You had thrown yourself back into quidditch before the break, happy to have a distraction from whatever the fuck you were feeling. You weren’t going home for the holidays, so you spent some time planning for the spring and classes.

You found yourself outside, sitting in the snow and writing a make up essay for Snape. You had found a nice spot under a roofed area, so nothing smudged your writing (or, you know, covered it completely). 

“Oh.” A voice said from above you.

You looked up to find Iwaizumi, hands in pockets and staring at you as if you had never existed and he was discovering you for the first time.

“I wasn’t expecting to find anyone here.” He said. 

“Yeah, obviously neither was I.” You started to put your things away.

“No... no comment?”

“Hm?”

“No... snarky comment? No you look terrible to me?”

You shook your head. Mainly because you didn’t have the energy. You were content, bored, and just overall exhausted. You had exhausted yourself in thinking of every possible outcome to your love for the man in front of you, none of which made any sense.

None of it made any sense.

It was as if one moment, you were standing on ground. And the next, you were swept away by a giant wave that you thought was only an earthquake. You hated love. 

“Then, can I finally say what I have been meaning to?”

“No.” You finally got the last of your things into your bag. 

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why can’t you just hear me out?” He stood in front of you, hoping to stall your leaving. “I’ve been trying to tell you that I shouldn’t have called you a bitch, and I should have...”

“And I don’t want to hear it.”

You started to leave, but he jogged to jump in front of you again. Through the years, he had gained height compared to you. You weren’t necessarily kids anymore, you weren’t at eye level to just punch him in his cheek without reaching for it. 

“God, you’re fucking annoying.” You shifted your bag on your shoulders. “You want me to call you a name so it can be even? You want me to tell you that everything is fine and we can go back to our constant fighting? What do you fucking want from me?”

“What do I want from you?” He asked, voice rising to match yours. “What do you want from me? I’ve been trying to get your attention for over a fucking month and you have given me every reason to just stop.”

“Then why don’t you!” You dropped your hands. “Why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”

“Why?”

“Why what, Hajime?”

“Why?” Iwaizumi let out a small breath, the grey cloud leaving his lungs. “Why won’t you just let me talk to you for five minutes?”

“Because I don’t want to! Because I don’t want to hear you make up excuses. Because I cannot listen to your voice for too long.”

Before you could stop yourself, before you could recognize your own voice, before any thoughts arrived, you said, “Because for some fucked up god awful reason, I’m in love with you!”

Everything froze all at once. The oxygen left your lungs, the snow stopped falling, and everything became so unbearably silent.

You stared at him, regret drenching you in an instant as if the tides of the ocean had rose and fell in one single motion. You couldn’t breathe, your heart seized in your chest and against your ribs. You couldn’t bring yourself to look into his face, fearing to find yourself lost and never found.

He let out a single breath. And you held yours.

fin.

[blackvail22]

she was in my dream last night.

i havent dreamt about her in a really long time... i havent really thought about her either

it was quite odd. in real life, shes an asshole. she has the loudest voice in the room, saying something self-deprecating 90% of the time, and the other 10% is full of her talking shit about someone. in my dream, though... something makes me miss her.

she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of stuff. it was full of all the art i made her, all of the letters i wrote her. i finally have got it back... i was always afraid that she threw them out or ruined them in a fit of rage. even though i dont really like many of my paintings, the ones i gave her, i was the most proud of them. i also made her a collage, and i even created a book-safe for her. i would spend hours at night writing letters for her, pouring out my heart and soul. when i saw all the sutff, i started crying. in the dream, i never once looked at her. the only thing i remember looking at is her long, frizzy, curly brown hair. thats all i really remember of the dream besides walking on the side of a highway and knowing how to drive (but not knowing how to park?).

anyway i love this song

on another side note, im wishhh i healed from my surgery already. im so fucking tired of my throat hurting, it hurting when i yawn (and feel weird afterwards bcos of my stitches), not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, my ears hurting!!!!!

im so tired of complaining about this!!! i want everything yo be normal and to never need another surgery for this again but ooo ill be surprised in 9 DAYS when he tells me all about the disease i had (AND DIDNT FUCKING JNOW ABOUT)!

im exhausted. im tired. i dont want to spend another minute more than i need to in my moms room. im tired of how my dad is talking to me (makes me sick) and honestly, im losing my goddamn mind.

i dont really want to go to work anymore. my new coworker makes me dread my job now. and theres something about my recovery that makes me feel like i wont be able to go back to work when i told her i could (happens every surgery ive had, even my knee scope) and shes obviously gonna schedule me that week BUT HOW AM I GONNA CALL OFF IF SHE SCHEDULES ME 7-8 HOUR DAYS 4 DAYS IN A ROW? HOW IS SHE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO COVER THAT????? AND IM DREADING THE PHONE CALL ILL HAVE TO MAKE ESP IF I CANT FUCKING TALK STILL (i can its just very tense and i choke on every word lmao) BECAUSE HOW AM I GONNA BE LIKE (strained) "hey! its *cough* [my name]. i *cough*--exuse me--am una- unable to come in .... for another f-*cough* few days. i cant talk.... and my doc...tor told me to rest...for a few days...." LIKE HELL THE FUCK NO

i feel like i constantly have acid in my throat. the smell of certain foods makes me sick, the smell of my moms cigarette smoke gives me a headache and nausea that doesnt go away (its 1am, my mom went to sleep at 9 and smoked before then. i still feel like i just inhaled the smoke) i have sharp pains in my side constantly, as well as the right side of my chest. I DONT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. all of my problems could be because i havent really been eating but its because i really cant? i drink water... yeah, i drink water when i remember to. (my body is probably in shock because i usually eat a lot and now im not/barely eating now LOL idek if that can happen but yeah.)

imma stop ranting now. i just wish this next week could fly by and i had a wfh job

[noritoshiikamo]

reality vs fantasy 

bonus part 3.5 of the noritoshi kamo story; im just spoiling u brats enjoy [passes holy water] thread lightly, sexual content ahead

tagging: @unabashednightmarepizza @sassyeahhhh @dok-ja @sukirichi [bold means i cant tag u idky :( lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part] directory: read the first part | second part | third part | bonus

fantasy

“does that feel good?”

he asked as his lips traced her sharp jaws, spreading kisses as his hands steadied her hips. she took a sharp breath, nodding in pleasure as moans escaped her parted lips as she lowered herself down back on his hard dick. through his opened eyes, he watched pleasurably as her tight cunt swallowed his dick inch by inch so easily, like she was moulded to fit him and only him. her long hair covered half of her face, as she flipped it to the side, sweats dripping down her chest glistening her swollen breasts. 

she looked so ethereal riding him. 

her pace was slow, and his hands were roaming all over her body. 

he whispered encouragements, how beautiful she looked sucking in his fingers hungrily, her perky titties and the way she hugged around his length made him feels so good made her roll her eyes back to her skull. feeding her kink so well. pulling her against him, her back resting on his chest, she let him take over the pace, loud moans fillers the room as the sound of her skin slapping against his with wet squelching sound echoed their bedroom. 

“you’re so needy, my wife.”

she was beyond needy, she was desperate for release only he could give, “fuck me, please, just fuck my brain out.” grabbing her chin, he smiled pleasingly as he kissed her lips so passionately. his rough hand palmed her breast, nipple swollen and hard it made her legs bucked.

“you want me to fuck you?” he teased.

she nodded vigorously, trying to move her hips to meet his pace. his other hand moved lowered below her slightly bulging abdomen, finding her swollen clit immediately. 

“please just fuck every inch of me,” she cried out, tongue lolling out, her eyes stared deep into his eyes, “i’ll be very good, i promise.” with every bat of her eyes, he couldn’t decide whether she looks adorably innocent or just a devil in disguise. 

but when he had her pressed on all four, begging for all holes to be filled, he couldn’t deny his wife’s wishes.

reality

she panted. sweaty and sticky, she looked down on the pillow tucked between her thighs. her face flushed red as guilt washed over her. the effect of the orgasm had left her legs shaking and she cursed.

noritoshi had not returned to their house for almost three days. 

she missed him dearly and she was losing her mind slowly. 3 days alone to heal from the mess from the attack at the stadium and to deal with the fact that she’s growing their child inside her reduced her to nothing but a mess. she fell on her side, pushing her sweaty hair up as she kicked the pillow soaked with her fluid to the floor. she fixed herself, not that it helped with anything; she lowered his shirt down her chest back. she has been wearing it for 3 days straight. 

enveloped by everything that reminds her of him but not able to have him physically hurt her chest. he hadn’t call, text, or even send her a letter. she was alone. 

whenever she missed him, she hid in their walk-in closet, nose buried in whatever that belong to him that her eyes caught first. when she has enough energy, she would brew the tea just as he likes it, sat at the balcony, and just not even drink it. she isn’t even a tea person; she prefers coffee but holding a cup of warm tea during the cold night makes it feel like he’s around.

she’s an addict but the drug is gone.

she felt tears prickling the corner of her eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing on his side of the bed. she remained there, beating herself for being stubborn, blaming herself, blaming him even every single god that existed in the world for fucking her life up. she missed him; his smile, his voice, his touch, his kiss, she missed everything about him. 

shoko explained that she was 7 weeks pregnant, and her baby is as big as a blueberry. 

“i think the period you are describing last month might have been implantation bleeding, something normal that might be mistaken for period. you need to listen to me. your body is adjusting, you should stay home and rest. don’t stress yourself out.”

she felt wave of nausea bubbling in her belly triggering her gag reflex. kicking herself off the bed, she made it to their bathroom, throwing her head into the toilet and she quickly emptied her stomach out. they should rename morning sickness because the sickness haunted every single hour of her day. she spent more time in the bathroom, head in the toilet than the other part of her house. she stared through her teary eyes at the content of the bowl, clear disgust on her face when she realised it was nothing but the liquid she’d been having. she has been struggling with food, only able to tolerate porridge and juices and she was growing tired. 

weak, her mind mocked. 

she unlocked her phone and dialled gojo’s number. she waited for him to pick up, breaking into sob as she felt so exhausted, she couldn’t even move. 

“gojo, i’m in the toilet, i just can’t get up anymore i feel horrible i want to eat but i can’t i want to get out of here please-”

“y/n?”

she startled.

-

there was a lot of cum.

noritoshi was glad that he chose to release his pent-up stress in the bathroom, feeling the water showered down all over his body. all cooped up in their room back at the kamo estate for almost three days, he didn’t expect to feel a sudden wave of horniness crashing over him when he accidentally turned over to her side. 

it’s not like he wasn’t already thinking of her. she was literally all he could think about. 

her scent overwhelmed him even when he tried to push the thought of her away; but she’s still his beautiful stubborn wife and his heart ached when he thought of her. he always has a good control of himself, he believed that sexual urges should just be solved by a traditional fucking but for tonight, it was just him and his left fist. 

the way she smiles, the way her body moves, the way she ties his bangs or the way she always makes sure he wakes up with a cup of tea waiting by the bed; she missed every single thing she does. the way she teases him and the way she begs for more and more always reduced him down into a simpleton. 

he wished nothing but to run back into her arms. 

he quickly washed up, removing traces of him from the floor and exited the shower immediately. his phone suddenly blowed up. without thinking, he pressed the green button and what greeted him surprised him. 

“-the toilet, i just can’t get up anymore i feel horrible i want to eat but i can’t i want to get out of here please-”

his breath hitched and he stood there. “y/n?” he called, and he could feel the slight tension in the air. she had realised her mistake. 

“m’sorry, i-i want to call satoru. i didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“are you okay?”

he sat on the edge of the bed; phone pressed hard against his ear. talk to me, their hearts screamed. she let out a nervous laugh, trying to mask the sniffles, “i-i’m okay. i’m sorry for disturbing you. i thought you were gojo.”

gojo had been telling him how he has been taking care of her. told him that she was more than weak, could barely hold her food in without gagging. 

“she’s miserable. she’s 7 weeks pregnant. we suspected that the reason her body didn’t fully succumbed to the poison that cursed spirit had infected her with was because of the the baby. the higher up thinks that it’s carrying the same inherited technique as you. the fact that it was able to protect its host; your wife is impressive.”

he rubbed his forehead, nervousness overwhelmed him, and he felt like a child about to ask his crush out.

“you’re not disturbing me. you don’t need to call gojo, i can come over,” holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he immediately slipped on his pants, “do you need anything? are you hurt?”

“i’m just stuck on the bathroom floor. i can’t get my ass back up and out of this bathroom.”

“you called gojo for this?”

her face reddened, “i get overwhelmed easily. i’m sorry,” she rambled, “you know what? forget i called. bye,” she ended the call immediately. she slummed her head back against the wall, groaning at the discomfort of her abdomen pressing on her bladder whenever she sat wrongly. she closed her eyes, covering it with her arm before soft snore escaped her lips. she’d pass out on the floor of her bathroom. it felt like hours until she heard soft pitter patter of feet on the cold cement, arms around her body lifting it up off the floor. she was too tired to open her eyes, soft noise coming out of her lips as the arms laid her on the soft bed. she sighed in relief; the cold bathroom floor was giving her back ache. 

she opened her eyes and she let a nervous laugh. her shaky hand reached out to touch his cheek, it felt soft to touch, too realistic. no, he’s gone, he won’t come home, you’re not real, she reminded herself. “my hallucination is getting realistic nowadays” she stifled a yawn. 

he smiled, his finger brushing her stray hair back, revealing her watery eyes, “you think of me often?” 

“don’t you?”

she gasped when his warm hand cupped her cheek, another touched her neck as he straddled her. boldly, she tugged on his leather jacket, pushing it off his broad shoulders, confused when the jacket fell on the floor with a loud thud. this sounds too real. the feeling of his breath tickling her cold skin, his lips tracing kisses after another, she was drowsy. 

“i’ll take care of you,” he whispered, “i promise, i’m here.”

“nori,” she called out eagerly.

“yes, my wife?”

the hair on her body stood, shivers caused her back and toes to curl in pleasure. she couldn’t differentiate if it’s just fantasy or reality; not with his hands roaming all over her bare skin.