#feel free to shame me
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You understand that you have fallen low when to draw Des you have to look for a reference
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In case you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm currently having an identity crisis. I saw a reconstruction of a Neanderthal man at the museum and he held himself with such confidence and poise.... and I realised I found him attractive. And yes, he was buff. But then so was Mr Homo Sapiens. And I preferred Mr Neanderthal.
#HES NOT EVEN HOMO SAPIENS#WE ARE NOT THE SaME SPECIES#feel free to shame me#also yes both reconstructions were naked#it was so weird because i saw a Neanderthal head and was like 'oh no'#but then a whole Neanderthal body...#it just... gelled#i feel so wrong#the power of confidence i guess#makes even neanderthals hot#prehistory memes#prehistory
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I drank a pitiful amount of water today
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Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.
And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.
And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.
Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.
This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.
And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.
Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.
So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.
It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.
Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.
These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.
Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.
Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.
And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).
But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.
Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.
On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:
"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."
Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.
And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.
Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.
So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.
This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.
In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.
To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#akemi blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#just in case... im gonna tag this as#mizukemicritical#akemizucritical#though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters#for that reason lemme also tag this as#wank.mp3#feel free to disagree of course but please be civil#and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3#fandom.rtf#meta dissertations.pdf#shut up haydar#edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun!#it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it#it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future#but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me#but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!!#plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!!#i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!!#but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.
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Somewhere in the woods, a moth tires of seeking light
#gempearl#shinyduo#shiny duo#not meant to be shipping propaganda for the poll but I mean... feel free to take it as such!!#the solitary plants feel out of place and maybe the color gradients could be better but its fineeeeeee. Not my proudest background...#also haha get it. Moth tires of seeking light. There's light all around her but its symbolic you guys#vaguely inspired by an estonian song. Some of the lyrics:#Luck pat her little girl’s head and repeated that beautiful is everything that there is#The girl then smiled and that was enough for her heart to understand where the sun lay#one of my favorite songs ever. Very beautiful and Id love to make an animatic or smth for it but the lyrics get a bit too specific :(#Shame that its in estonian and probably offputting to a lot of people too but.... õnn ja arm by mari pokinen.......#hermitshipping#commission#centaur cuddles tee hee <3#horses etc cant actually twist their bodies that much without it hurting them I think. But please suspend your disbelief for me pleasee#tubby art
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Missa: [Finds a book Fit wrote for Phil and stares at it in silence for a long moment]
Missa: ...Ok, Fit is talking to Philza. Should I... should I know what they're talking about? I mean, I mean no– it doesn't worry me, it doesn't worry me. I'm not a jealous guy. But maybe they've talked about this [the situation with Bad] and know something?!
Missa: It's like– it's like seeing his cellphone. No, I'm not going to read it, I'm not going to read it. No no no, no. It's like looking at his cellphone, no!
#Missasinfonia#Missa#QSMP#Pissa#Death Family#Translated#<- Please always feel free to correct me on translations#I'll admit the pronoun stuff throws me off a bit sometimes#not like pronouns but like ''his'' vs ''me'' sometimes#Thank you for the timestamp Pix I missed this entire scene because I was transcribing the other clips#I decided to clip it after all it's a good clip#BTW it was the letter Fit wrote to Phil on February 16 (I'm pretty sure)#the letter said: Dear Philza You are a great friend and a powerful ally#It’s just a shame that soon you’re going to…#Well… you know….#~Your friend Fit
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Examples include Star Trek (2009) where Uhura kisses Spock after Vulcan is turned into a black hole, and multiple occasions in Heartstopper Season 3 (which inspired this poll).
#is the first option a broader reflection of how media often avoids showing asking for consent?#or are there people who genuinely would be comfortable with their partner kissing them on the mouth when they're upset?#i'm not trying to shame anyone who votes for the first option#i just don't know if me always being the second option is a me thing or a many/most people thing; and i'm curious about it#allos feel free to reblog and comment#aroace#aro#ace#aromantic#asexual#aspec#queer#lgbtq#original
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In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.
#my art#gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#comic#eye strain#TIME TO DUMP EVERY ONE OF THE 27483949 THOUGHTS IVE HAD INTO THE TAGS BABY#OK!! SO!!!!#I feel like Ford would wonder why he and Stan (being identical twins) aren’t. yk. identical. shouldn’t Stan have polydactyly too?#as a kid he would dream about secretly being nonhuman and being whisked away to a fantastical world full of people like him#finally free of new jersey‚ finally somewhere he belongs#a lot of this disconnect from humanity came from utterly failing at social interactions while others (including stan) navigated them easily#the feeling waned after Stan was kicked out and he didn't have that direct comparison but it never left#then out in the wilderness of gravity falls‚ his isolation and immersion in Weirdness dragged it back up to the forefront#he deserves to have a breakdown over questioning his own nature. as a treat <3#color symbolism time bc I have a problem and use it at every available moment!!! blue and yellow get more vivid#the further from humanity the subject is#bill is entirely made w pure rgb blue and yellow (+ approximately 2674835 textures/layers/blending modes. I reached 150+ layers. help)#I like the idea that he would appear to ford like pure math considering hes a geometrical motherfucker and how the rest of the mindscape wa#I tried to mostly use trigonometry and related stuff for the Math Greebling. as well as fractals i love you forever fractals#MORE SYMBOLISM:#the grid-ish diamond pattern in all of the mindscape bgs (and elsewhere) is a penrose diagram of spacetime#which shows other universes on the other sides of black holes#SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY EUCLYDIA HEADCANON LATER. IVE DUMPED ENOUGH DUMB HCS IN THESE TAGS ALREADY#BUT I THINK ITS VERY FUN#anyways. fuckt up guys n their egos influencing how they view humanity. bill tells ford hes as human as they come bc he was so easily foole#ford cant reconcile with his humanity bc of a failure to perform in one area#and then the immense guilt and shame over what hes done <3#I have So many ford characterization thoughts. no man nor god can stop me
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It's that time of year where I cry and sob and hold out my hands for some help B'] !! A few weeks ago, my Ipad decided to bust! Its power buttons broken and the batteries been shitty for a few years :'3 I'm opening 4 comm slots to slowly work towards saving!! I use PayPal for income! Any reblogs would be appreciated! Dm If interested <3
EDIT!! Slots are full <:3 Ty all!!
#OUGHHH I FEEL SHAMEFUL GRJKNRGKNG#I hate asking for help but my ipads on its last straws and its getting to me fr :')#I'll open messages for a lil bit !! if you have any questions feel free to ask#important#Commission#it's rough cuz my homeless ass is NAUT making money fast
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original thief series basso & garrett :)
ngl, it's about quality over quantity for me. an npc can have a total of three minutes of screen time, but if they have a cool name, they can live rent free in my head and I'll spend several hours trying to decipher drawable features from a blurry screenshot of pixels
there is a vague hint of a story here, and that's because every time I try to play thi4f, I get incredibly frustrated with how Not Fun the game play is. like, is the story good? well. but it has a PLAGUE. that should've given it instant 'I'll replay this once a year' status in my heart, but the game play sucks so bad that I've never finished it. I can't believe Not Fun gameplay beat out my obsession with narrative plagues.
anyway, the idea is basically if the original era had a game with a plague centric narrative and some other stuff I liked out of thi4f thrown into a narrative blender, with a heavy dash of horror thrown in because some parts of the thief games were scarier to me than entire dedicated horror genre games.
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app
#if i had a laptop and the skillset i would attempt a story mod because the thief modders who create whole mission stories#are GENIUS and also somewhat terrifying. love them! xoxox#anyway im actually kind of obsessed with parts of thi4f but its also like. not at that sweet spot of almost good enough to be fun#to talk about. which. for the record. has not stopped me from talking about it at length to people#the city itself actually fucking fascinates me. its almost alive and im SO mad that not a single part of that game is actually terrifying#it should be gnarlier and instead it feels a bit like it doesn't quite want to be trapped in the story it has to tell?#but between the level that has the bodies on the meathooks#and the scene with the bodies hanging from the rafters or whatever that was and garrett living in a clock tower#because the game is very much ALMOST about changing times and authoritarian violence and capitalism#(like. by virtue of how the story sort of spins out i think it misses it's mark on a lot of stuff here#in the sense that i dont feel like it actually wants to tell that story. it wants to. go in a different direction. or at least walk on top#of those themes instead of through it)#ANYWAY between all of those things. it does kind of live in my head rent free. they did create a compelling setting#SHAME THEY DIDNT WANT TO ACTUALLY EAT ANY OF IT#unrelated but i would've given thi4f a 10/10 if they kept garrett's fucking nail polish from the concept art. cowards. unforgivable#thief the dark project#i still have no idea how to tag the game series as a whole RIP#sorry for the dedicated dark project fans. if you know what the general series tag is. please let me know#garrett thief#basso thief
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God is my personal brand of queer angst.
#let free the curse of taekwondo#marahuyo project#I saw you in my dream#shadow the series#the warp effect#it's the feelings of shame and guilt for me#it's the power of prayers#these shows get it#bless me father for I have sinned#I'll be on the floor if anyone needs me
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Transcript:
Josh (Murph): Hah! I did it! I'm the fuckin main warlord! Moonshine (Emily): Yeah, you did. It was good doin' business with you, too, you know. Josh: Yeah, you know what, I held up my end of the deal, you held up yours, we worked together! 'Cause I kicked this dude's ass! Murph: And you hear him and Rust start going back and forth again-- Rust (Murph): No, I'm gonna kick your ass dude. Josh: I'm gonna kick your fuckin ass dude. Rust: I'm gonna kick your ass! Moonshine: Actually, um… you didn't hold up your end of the deal yet. I just delivered my promise, and now it's time for you to deliver. [A pause.] Josh: The fuck are you talkin about? I said-- Moonshine: I mean, the deal said I get you the soul coins, and I get your army. [Metal riff plays.] Murph: You see Josh… Jake, delighted: (laughing) Oh, shit! OH SHIT! [Caldwell laughs.] Murph: You see Paw Paw-- Jake: Holy shit. Someone took herself out to dinner! [Emily laughs.] Murph: Paw Paw-- Paw Paw (Murph): Reer reer reer! Murph: -- goes up on your shoulder. Crosses his arms. And Josh goes-- Josh: Wait, no, but-- (laughs nervously) I didn't like fucking say-- I didn't mean it like that! Moonshine: May I introduce… my lawyer? [Caldwell laughs.] Paw Paw: Reer! Reer reer reer. Reer reer. Moonshine: Paw Paw, could you present the contract as writ and signed? Paw Paw: Reer! Hardwon (Jake): Rust, this is why it's important to learn how to read.
#naddpod#bahumia#naddclips#c1e78#<- i keep forgetting to tag episodes. if you see me not doing it feel free to shame me publicly#also emily moment of all time
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I will do all this, I will get all this blood on my hands, and you are able to plead naivety.
#welighttheway#hotdedit#larys x alicent#larys strong#alicent hightower#larycent#alicent x larys#alicenthightowerdaily#hotd#matthew needham#i fuckng need to tag the man himself because all those quotes? still! so! striking! HONESTLY i pepper his brain with kisses#'he makes himself indispensable to her ties them together in blood in this extraordinary act of will'#'he can see what she’s capable of and he wants to draw it out. they’re both outsiders among the natives'#'she gets to say 'i didn't want it' and i KNOW she did'#'that’s the thing about assault like that it makes the victim’s body the scene of the crime'#rent fckng free forever#larys wants her to feel the same shame wants to break her chaste royal placid exterior and peel the layers off. manually#he wants to creep inside of her mind and rearrange what he finds there#and mr needham is the only larycent fan who gets it to the core!!!!!!!!#THE matthew of the cast i'm so sorry *or am i??*#is this my way to ignore the leaks??? who knows#tbh i was overwhelmed by the urge to give our tiny larycent circle SOMETHING before the new season starts#for better or for worse i am not sorry for my crime#sooooo i'm afraid this post is not for normies it's for sickos#LIKE CALLS TO LIKE#dolores <3 mariana <3 alyssa <3 bia <3 val <3 nina <3#trashfam *affectionate*#game of thrones#shitty things i do for love#me in s1 DON'T FEED THE RAT ALICENT!!!! me now: FUCKNG FEED THE RAT ALICENT *before this particular determined rat chew its way through*
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still not over this by the way
The shame of "I'm exactly as evil as they said i would be" followed by "i'm despreate to fix something" followed by "And it feels like a prayer" are doing things to my religous tramua guys why would you do this to me
#i've been thinking about this post for days#i couldn't figure out what about it was bugging me and pulling on my heart and soul untill#it suddenly clicked that thats the way i think sometimes becuse of my christan upbringing#the guilt and shame of “i've commited so many things that are sins and i should be feeling free but a lot of pepole in my life see me as#evil that i'm not free from all of the hypothetical sins i've done“ you know#i need therapy#hayden yaps#dimension 20#demension20#dropout#brennan lee mulligan#supernatural#dropout tv#misfits and magic d20#misfits and magic#aabria please i'm in pain#aabria iyengar i love you#abria iyengar#hayden yaps about d20
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life is great and I want a brownie🫶
#very important#hi#me#my face#selfie#mirror selfie#cute girl#pretty people#I have no shame it's fantastic#girls who lift#girls with tattoos#penguin socks#wombats#no joke about the brownie by the way#I could go for a nap but instead I'm gonna run#ah#and then lift?????#AHH#anyway#be my friend#feel free to message me#oooooh potatoes would also be good rn#fuck#let me set an alarm in case I fall asleep lmao#I'm gonna be fine#this is so normal#I love yall#love me#hot girl shit#later taters
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not to be bad disabled representation but does anyone else get sad when they think about their disabilities too much
#the isolation of being disabled and especially growing up#the guilt of having mobility aids and taking up space#the anger of knowing there are just some things you *can't* do#especially if you could in the past#the turbulence of some days being worse or better than others#the frustration of it staying the same#the helplessness of wanting your disabilities to be seen and accommodated for and they're not#the shame when you wish they couldn't be seen#like man idk about you but that's making me stare at the ceiling at 2 am holding back sniffles#sorry i don't mean to complain a lot i just carry a lot of constant feelings about being disabled lol#actually disabled#neurodivergent#physically disabled#feel free to add on any other feelings wherever
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