#feel free to ask if the wording on this post is unclear i'll do my best to explain it to u

[drop--pop--candy]

hi yeah this is sorta important please tag all graphic depiction of car crashes and all audio of car crashes with #marin don't look. thanks

[fairy-writes]

fairy's fics for gaza

hello everyone! i'm not sure anyone would even be interested or care about this but i'm OPENING REQUESTS for @ficsforgaza !! by tossing my hat into the ring, i hope to help raise money and interest for this cause!

keep in mind i'll maybe close my requests if i get overwhelmed or can't fulfill a request. i am setting the donation limit for $5 for 500 words. ofc this is subject to change (e.g. you want a shorter or longer request)

how this works!

you (the reader): send me A DIRECT MESSAGE (not an ask pls, those are reserved for regular requests) asking for a request. i will start working on your request once you've provided proof to me (with any personal info removed) of your donation to a VETTED FUNDRAISER. DO NOT SEND ME THE MONEY

me (the writer): once i have vetted the fundraiser (there is a list to choose from HERE), i will begin work on your request. keep in mind i have other projects to get done (e.g. original stories, other requests still in my inbox, etc.) so it won't be published right away.

LIST OF FANDOMS/PEOPLE I'LL WRITE FOR (these are all x reader):

Arcane: League of Legends: Viktor, Silco, Jayce Talis, Vi, Vander, Caitlyn Kiramman, Mel Medarda

Bungou Stray Dogs: Nakajima Atsushi, Nakahara Chuuya, Dazai Osamu, Kunikida Doppo, Fukuzawa Yukichi, Saigiku Jouno, Suehiro Tecchou

The Case Study of Vanitas: Vanitas, Noé Archiviste, Roland Fortis, Dominique de Sade

Demon Slayer: All the Hashira, Akaza, Kokushibo, Douma, Kibutsuji Muzan, Kamado Tanjiro (aged up), Agatsuma Zenitsu (aged up), Hashibira Inosuke (aged up)

Doctor Who: The Doctor (9th, 10th, 11th, 12th), Jack Harkness, River Song

Fullmetal Alchemist: Roy Mustang, Greed, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Envy, Alex Louis Armstrong, Olivier Armstrong, Edward Elric (post-FMAB), Alphonse Elric (post-FMAB), Ling Yao (post-FMAB)

Grimm (NBC): Nick Burkhardt, Hank Griffin, Sean Renard, Drew Wu, Monroe

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo Satoru, Fushiguro Toji, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento, Itadori Yuuji (aged up), Fushiguro Megumi (aged up)

Moriarty the Patriot: William James Moriarty, Albert James Moriarty, Louis James Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Fred Porlock, Sebastian Moran, James Bonde

Tokyo Ghoul: Uta, Kaneki Ken, Kirishima Touka, Kirishima Ayato (re: age), Nishio Nishiki, Tsukiyama Shuu

GENERAL RULES

i write specifically SFW. no NSFW or dark content here folks. though there are plenty of participating authors who write either dark content or NSFW!

all writing is gender neutral but can be customized to a female!reader

absolutely no exclusionists welcome. that includes anyone who is or condones racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, aphobia, ableism, islamophobia, antisemitism, or anything similar.

things that WON'T be written: nsfw/smut/spice (implied or otherwise), abusive relationships, yandere, self-harm, suicide, eating disorders, mental disorders, incest, character x character, character x oc

if you have any further questions please let me know!! i've never done something like this and it's very probable i've left something unclear lol.

feel free to check out the BLOG for more information! they also have a FAQ here!

[swordfright]

what are your logistical questions about the guard dog au?

Ohhhh boyyy. Well. First of all I'm sorry it took me like a month to answer this, I got busy.

I wanna start by saying I wasn't around when Guard Dog AU was created, it was before my time (just barely) but I have read dozens of fics with this premise so bear in mind that I thiiiink I have a pretty solid understanding of how GD is supposed to work?? But I could be wrong about some details, in which case please feel free to correct me! Also, I wouldn't normally poke holes in someone's AU because at the end of the day, AUs are supposed to be fun fantasy what-if scenarios and not airtight canon-compliant thought experiments. The only reason I feel comfortable doing it with Guard Dog is because, from what I can tell, this AU wasn't created by any one specific person, it just sort of manifested on twitter in like 2021 and now there are literally hundreds of pieces of fan content about it. What I'm saying is, Guard Dog is The People's AU and that's the only reason I don't feel weird answering this ask.

Yeah, so. My logistical questions are as follows:

What's Sam's motivation for letting Q borrow Dream?

When in the timeline is this taking place? (because that affects EVERYTHING)

What threat is Dream purportedly guarding Las Nevadas from?

How does Dream's presence change the preexisting dynamic in Las Nevadas?

What is Quackity actually getting out of this?

Who does or doesn't have the revive book at this point?

I'll try to address these as neatly as I can. So, my understanding of the premise: Quackity somehow gets Sam to agree to let Dream out of the prison so he can live out the remainder (or some unspecified portion?) of his life sentence acting as security for LN. In some variants it seems like this is happening after Dream gives up the revive book, but in other variants that's not the case or it's left unclear. There are a couple points at which this feels implausible/OOC, namely:

1.) Sam would never let Dream out, even on parole. He does not want Dream under anyone else's watch. He wants Dream in Pandora at all costs. You cannot convince me he would just let someone borrow the prisoner for a bit, for any reason - especially not Quackity, who imo Sam probably sees as a greater threat to his authority as warden than almost anyone. Think about it: aside from Sam, Q has probably had the most consistent contact with the prisoner during his incarceration; Q's violence and general temperament mean that Sam likely knows Q killing Dream is a possibility, and that without the warden's supervision this could very well happen. Sam obviously isn't concerned for Dream's wellbeing, but he does want his prisoner alive because otherwise he's not a prisoner and Sam's not a warden. So yeah. "Just me and him" line etc etc. Dream ain't never gettin' outta there if Sam has anything to say about it.

2.) What is Dream actually capable of contributing to LN? In other words, would initiating Guard Dog actually pay off for Quackity in tangible ways? It depends on where in the timeline we are. If this is happening post-torture era or even mid-torture era, Dream is likely physically incapable of performing the feats of combat he was capable of prior to prison. Hell, even if Guard Dog era is happening instead of the torture era, Dream has still been in prison for a while and is probably already experiencing the disabling effects of prolonged malnutrition and neglect. So if Dream is known for PVP and his PVP skills took a severe blow recently, then what use is he as a security guard? Which brings us to the next question...

3.) What threat is Dream even guarding LN from? Quackity's foremost enemy is Technoblade, who has largely peace'd-out between Doomsday and Jailbreak. Q is evidently not eager to reignite a direct conflict with Techno because he got his ass handed to him last time. Also, he's aware that Techno and Dream are allies, so why would he put Dream in a place that's easier to rescue Dream from than Pandora? You could argue that maybe by publicly turning Dream into a glorified slave laborer Q is indirectly flaunting his power (the power of ownership) in Techno's face, but I don't see this as terribly likely given that (based on some of the visitation dialogue) Q misunderstands the nature of Dream and Techno's relationship. Critically, he doesn't seem to realize that they are comrades in addition to allies. And I think flaunting ownership of Dream would only make sense if you thought you were really hurting Techno in the process - Quackity just doesn't seem to have picked up on the fact that this is even a possibility. Based on all this, the enemy Dream is supposed to be fending off probably isn't Techno, so who is it? Las Nevadas is pretty much a neutral state. Q has people he doesn't like, but his list of Actual Real Enemies is surprisingly short. The population of the server is also comically small, so like...intruders? What intruders??? It's not as if Q really has to worry about strangers breaking in and robbing him or something, which is usually what guard dogs are for. My current answer to this question is that the threat would have to be the Egg. Possession by the Egg can turn people you know into strangers, and the entity that is the Egg can travel/infiltrate new spaces by way of the vines. Also, this conveniently answers the sub-question of "what threat can Dream defend LN against that the actual members of LN couldn't?" If you suddenly have to worry about contamination, it makes sense that you would send someone disposable to deal with the contaminant - not your own friends or employees. Speaking of which...

4.) Dream's presence in LN would change the faction's dynamic and Quackity is sooo poorly equipped to navigate that. Quackity's whole shtick is that he's charismatic because he can't be strong. He's volatile, conniving, violent, insecure, hedonistic, profit-motivated and has poor impulse control, but he's also able to project confidence and affability in ways that have been advantageous to him. There are two sides to Quackity and he seemingly likes to keep them separate. If Guard Dog is happening after the torture arc, then Quackity is used to showing the worst aspects of his personality only around Dream. In Pandora, he's a torturer; in Las Nevadas, he's a leader. So what happens when those two places effectively become the same place? If LN is Dream's new prison, how is Quackity supposed to act there? Sure, he's not particularly kind and caring when dealing with his staff (most of them were recruited via intimidation, after all) but they've never seen the side of him that Dream has seen. How is he supposed to maintain that authority over Dream while continuing to be the version of himself that Fundy and Purple and Foolish and co. know? Quackity talks a big game about (and makes gestures toward) not caring that people know about the torture, but he obviously does have reservations about it. When Wilbur asks him about visiting, he dodges around the question. When he discourages Foolish from breaking in, he's weird and cagey about it even though he knows he needs to come clean. When Tommy confronts him about the torture directly, he says "Don't ever say that, not even as a joke." He's defensive. This is another one of Q's hilarious contradictions: he wants to enjoy the benefits of being known as a dangerous person without the downsides of people being actually scared of him or finding him repulsive. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and Dream's presence in Las Nevadas puts that impulse in jeopardy. There's a big difference between people suspecting you may have done some torture vs people actually witnessing that torture firsthand, or even seeing its aftereffects. Not to mention, there are now other people for Dream to interact with besides Sam, Q, and the prison guards! That changes things, even if Dream isn't allowed to speak to them directly. In Pandora, Bad and Ant had one job, which was to keep the prison running and keep Dream inside it - that's not the case with the LN crew. These people have shit to do! Foolish is building Quackity a replica of the Eiffel Tower, he doesn't have the time or interest to be a prison guard. I could go on but you get my drift. Things would get so weird so fast.

5.) The revive book complicates all of this. If Dream actually did give up the book and Sam understood how to use it, I could be convinced that maybe he would let Quackity borrow Dream for a bit - because hey, if he kills Dream then Sam can just revive him! However, I don't feel confident saying that Q wouldn't just kill Dream immediately after getting the book. We know Q enjoys torturing Dream, but we also know that he seemingly gets bored of it after a while. We also know he has at least some level of concern for propriety/his own rep, so he does have plausible reasons to just straight-up kill him after getting the book. Like, he got what he wanted (necromancy knowledge + a fun 3 months of recreational activity) and if he kills Dream then that's one less person to potentially spread word of Q's uhhhh proclivities around the server - which, again, he paradoxically does seem to care about. Even if Q's plan was to relocate Dream to LN to better access to his fave chew toy and never intended to kill Dream, would Sam believe that?? Q can't directly go against the warden's orders when he's visiting Pandora because that would be stupid and dangerous, but in Las Nevadas? Hm. I think Sam may see Guard Dog as an attempt on Q's part to move the prisoner to a location fully under Q's control so that he can kill Dream without risking retaliation from the warden. Basically, I think this au only has a chance to work in a scenario where Dream has given up the revive book to Sam, but not to Quackity. Because otherwise, Sam just wouldn't let him go. Quackity does want the revive book, but moreso he enjoys torturing Dream, so I do find it semi-plausible that Q would initiate Guard Dog even if he didn't have the book yet.

Ummmm so yeah! These are my questions and thoughts about Guard Dog! i think it's a really fun AU with a lot of potential, but there are kinks in the premise (pun intended) that I find it difficult to wrap my head around. anyway please talk to me about this because I think about it all the time and I wanna hear some other folks' takes too.

[saiki-k-week]

hi! ive never done a fandom event before, so i was wondering if there are any specific event rules!

like, (if youre writing a fic) can you start work on it as soon as the prompts are revealed? is there a word limit? if you post it to ao3, is there going to be a collection to add it to/a way to mark it for saiki k week 2024, or is it okay as long as you just post about it on tumblr under the tag?

also, can anyone join? like, even if you werent aware of them beforehand and they just post under the tag- or do they have to contact you first?

sorry for all the questions! im just curious and excited about the event youre planning :^) ! so i thought id ask!!

Hello friendly anon! I'm glad you asked! All questions are welcome. If anything is unclear don't be shy! It's safe here ✨️

So the fun thing about this event is there are no major rules! There's no sign up or obligation! The goal of this is to get people talking to each other and encouraging each other! It's kind of a free for all, the prompts are just to help start conversations.

Even if you didn't vote on prompts, you can participate, and if you did vote, there's no obligation to contribute.

You can work on prompts whenever works for you- the day before, the week of, the month before, whatever works! If someone learns about the event during the week itself they can still join. There's no sign ups or obligation to do anything. If you want to write one prompt that's lovely- If you want to do multiple works for every day that's just as lovely! Not a competition, it's whatever you're up for. No word limit for written works, or duration for videos. Sketches are welcome for art just as much as fully colored and rendered works.

You are welcome to post to other sites like ao3! There will not be an official collection as those get messy with ownership of works. I plan on advertising the use of the hashtag "Saiki K Week 2024" on other sites like ao3 just so people can find each other. You can also use that on Tumblr posts to find each other.

If you'd like your post reblogged to this blog, tag this blog in your post so I can find it easy or send me a dm with the link to your post.

If I missed anything feel free to reach out! As the week gets closer I'll be sure to remind everyone to tag the blog in their submission so I make sure to reblog it. I'll do my best to reblog within a reasonable time as I am one person running this lol.

My dms and asks are open to anyone looking to talk ideas or just to make a friend in the Fandom. 💕

Tldr: the rules are simple- post for the prompt on the day of the prompt (and it's very chill if you mess up the dates or are late). Create whatever you want, whenever you want, just tag the blog if you want to be reblogged so I can find it.

I hope this helped!

[temis-de-leon]

I'M FREE TO COMMENT!!! Your Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor have a nightmare where he rejected you post is so good! I love it especially Asmodeus can't live without the support of his fans 💕💕, he can't help but compare them despite knowing they're not quite the same ⚖️, he felt like he's ungrateful to his fans despite feeling honoured by their confession 🥺, he rejected with ease but he wanted to comfort them 🫴, he didn't realise how much he missed their love ❤️, he also realise how much they care about him not just his looks 😔 he tried to see the look of love in their eyes but it faded as weeks passed by 🥲, he wondered if they would have look at him again if he had changed himself enough 😞, he noticed how they looked at Lucifer instead 👀, he realised it's too late by how they're looking at Lucifer 💔, they woke up to his sobbing 😭, they couldn't really understand what was he saying ❓, just how badly his state is because of the nightmare 😢, he threw himself at them as he murmured 🫂, what they could hear him say 💔, they realised he isn't conscious 😴, they laid under him while hoping whatever is bothering him will stop 🛑, Beelzebub only sees them as a friend as well as his family matters weighs on his mind 😔, their presence won't change the fact his family isn't complete 😞, his first real interaction with them was when he was willing to kill them over custard (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; they loved thanks to his brothers being fond of them 👍, he gradually grew closer to them when they stayed in his room 👥, he thought their friendship was mutual 👍🫶, he told them how he only seen them platonically when they confessed 🥲, he promised nothing will change but it strained their relationship 😢, he thought about accepting it instead 🤔, the irony is he fell for them when they overcame their crush on him 💔, he woke up wanting to feel some part of them against him 🥺, he wouldn't have let them go if they were here 🫂, he felt unwell but looked around until he saw an empty chair 🪑, they returned to the room & asked if they woke him up ❓, he wanted to make sure they're real but he doesn't know if he deserve to 🥺, he felt detached from his body so he feared he might hurt them 🤕, they had a simple explanation why they left for a short while 📱, he felt relieved when they kissed his forehead 😚, he would do the same to them if he wasn't too tired 😚, they told how he still felt warm so they were about to get a wet towel 🤒, they called him honey 🍯 he's exhausted from pulling them to him 🫂, he kept thinking of them calling him honey 🤭, they reassured him with their words & actions 🥹, Belphegor hated them which I can see it happening 😅, he found their desire to help him amusing 😏, he doesn't think they would be useful to his plan 🤔, he barely tolerated them because he needed their connections 🤐, he listened to them talking while complaining 👂, he was shocked at their feelings but made use of it (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠), he wanted to hurt them but he changed his mind after knowing the truth (⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)⁠!, he thought they would treat him the same as they did before knowing the truth but was proven wrong 😨, they don't even dare to look at him 😣, he thought his apology was enough (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; they woke up to a loud noise & the scent of lavender 🪻, his words are definitely enough to let them know why it is 🗣️, they're confused but knows he's hiding something 🤐, he asked again which they tried to find a clue ❓, I absolutely love how even they're annoyed with him as he's unclear as well as he did kicked out 👍, they guessed what he wanted to hear but chose the longer route like me 😁, their fingers ran through his hair 👍, he apologised while holding them delicately 👍, they were confused by his second apology 🤨, and he fell asleep by the time they felt brave enough to ask 😴 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :) I'll read the next part as soon as I can! - Romance Anon

OH MY GOOOD

ROMANCE?? THANK U! 🩷

How was your summer, omg 🥹 It's been so long

[sharp-rosee]

"she is asking why the study is being brought up as it seems the study had nothing to do with the context of their conversation."

you're just insisting this is the case though! you're creating a situation where surely she was funny and right to say it that way. unfortunately it's not true - this wasn't that long ago lots of us remember this post. for someone that asks for proof you sure feel free to just invent stuff to fit your agenda. It wasn't part of a conversation, she was the OP taking a shot for no reason. But whatever continue to defend her.

Can you not read or something? My first sentence was saying that how she phrased it was fucked up.

And as far as I'm concerned, the person who provided that screenshot of her saying that has the link to the post, or can at least say where she got it from, but she's blocked me, so yes, at this point it is just your word against mine. Because, yknow, I guess to the women who insist Radblr is an echochamber, blocking a user without talking to them totally isn't hypocritical of them to do at all.

I don't know why you are so keen on insisting that asking for CONTEXT that could be provided is somehow soo bad of me? I apologize that I don't want to blindly believe like you do.

LIKE I'VE SAID BEFORE: If it were given context that she IS denying this statistic, then I'll apologize. Until then, no, not blindly believing people who continue to not answer me, block me, or even come off anon - that's not an indicator I'm a bigot who hates bisexuals and now hates lesbians bc I somehow hate same sex attracted women. Do you know how insane you all sound? Asking for context in a situation unclear doesn't mean I hate you.

[birdswrites]

hello!!!!!!!!!

you've probably gotten the link to this from a fic on ao3, i'm birds89birds, or jupiter, feel free to ask me questions here and all that jazz

however, it has come to my attention i am quite frankly not very good at explaining things in my marvel universe, so i'll make a giant post about all the little bits and bobs i have puttering around under the cut

Multiverse things

my “multiverse” is actually based on a real multiverse theory i forget the name of, which i’ve boiled down in my head to “one universe, multiple realities”, but they didn’t discover that until later (between generations 2 and 3), so they use universe, ‘verse and reality pretty interchangeably

so to clarify: -there is one universe (which is sometimes called the multiverse or spiderverse) -there are realities within it (which are sometimes called ‘verses, and sometimes called universes, but it’ll be clear when they're referring to the Universe) -and there are dimensions within the realities (which is what people like doctor strange futz with)

the other meaning of the word dimension:

time, space and reality are strings, they're all “webs”, it’s really confusing (think string theory), what matters is they're stronger in some places, weaker in others, and can be represented as strings in diagrams -the solidity of space is weakest on the planet Asgard, which is why they can use the Bifrost -the solidity of time is weakest on the planet Titan, Thanos’ place of birth, which is why he can do batshit magic like making Deadpool truly immortal -the solidity of reality is weakest on the planet Earth, which is why Spider-People all live on Earth

Time

the universe has a time, which is dictated by the length of the “Timeline Web”, which is made by the Master Weaver and expressed as a length (usually metric, because they’re all NERDS), and then each of the realities have their own chronological time that’s expressed the way we do in minutes hours days etc. For an example, Oldie, from memory comes when memory's old, is 100 years old at the end of that fic, but is only 16 kilometers old. His age is counted by how many kilometers of timeline web has been created since he initially became a spider-person. Noir, on the other hand, is 23 years old and 32 kilometers old, which makes him technically older in the grand scheme of things.

The length of the timeline web in relation to chronological time in one reality is not set, but they usually do the average, and they instinctively know the approximate conversion of timeline length->reality without thinking about it, but it takes a bit of finagling to convert someone else's time into theirs, like time zones, but stupid.

Realities are usually named after the first Spider-Person who got in touch with them after they started actually writing this shit down, and reality types are named after the first instance of that type, which tends to have the most similarities to any other realities in the type (as most of them are divergences from the original reality)

clusters are basically how the realities bunch together on the web, and it makes things like communication easier because instead of talking to 100s of people you talk to 20 at most.

everyone who has actual speaking lines in any of my fics are cluster Delta, canon spider-people are cluster Alpha

The spider-people call the space between realities (the great web) many names, but commonly “the Liminal”, “Mom’s house”, “Baba Yaga’s hut” and “Crabrave” have been used as euphemisms for it.

In the actual Spider-Man canon, Spider-Man and other Spider-People are “totemic avatars” (think D&D 5e warlocks) of a spider totem (god) called The Other. The Other’s purpose in the Great Web/Web of Life and Destiny/Web of Life/Web of Reality is unclear, but it gives one person (ie comics Peter Parker) its power

Here I said fuck that, it chooses at least one avatar from each universe, and Wrecks Shit in their body. For most of them, it’s a one and done, maybe two and done, thing for the initial mutation (which is a mix of radiation, magic and a type of virus that mutates dna to replicate bc i Said So), however, they all “grow into” their powers, getting stronger as time goes on.

THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS

For Wigs, (Earth-2268, yes i know it’s alphanumeric for VFH i did it intentionally) he has the initial mutation, but he “spontaneously mutates”, where he basically goes through that initial mutation cycle again (for like. two days instead of two weeks) and develops a new power/improves a current power. AT RANDOM TIMES. It drives him up the wall. So far, in no particular order, he’s gotten special eyes (which i’ve modeled off a spider), Murder Knives (keritanous, so like fingernails, growths in his wrists that have venom), No Sleep (spiders don’t sleep as much as they have periods of lower awareness, wigs kind of mindlessly does homework/busiwork like cleaning the casa and patrolling), and he’s arguably the strongest spider-person in terms of brute strength.

For Oldie, (Earth-3391, which is backwards from the year Spider-Man Noir, the Spider-Man he’s based on, became spider-man) he has the initial mutation, and since Noir-Verse spider-people are largely magic-based, they have a stronger connection to the Other (they think). Because of this, they are offered a choice by the Other. They can evolve, which requires a large amount of magical energy that goes into them (and mutates them as a result of the sudden magic), or they can die, and well, die. Oldie choses to evolve because he’s horrified about his own “selfishness” putting a kid into this mess. The magical version of the mutation cycle is different, they have no viral or radiation poisoning symptoms, and instead have magical spiders appear in random places, usually near where their cause of death was. All Spider-People are cursed, Oldie and Noir are just Especially Cursed.

Predictions

the spider-people can do some very iffy predictions using a really really messy word document (or a tapestry, in oldie’s case)

Basically, for every major event in every universe (ie Matt Murdock being revealed as Kingpin), the events that happened before and after it are recorded, and since the spider-people are VERY good at pattern recognition, they usually notice any patterns that appear. They then use that to make statistics.

For an example, in universes where Gwen Stacy (they usually go for “blonde white woman” in their official guides) is one of the first spider-people in New York, Matt Murdock is blinded by an acidic substance in a car crash, and he is also the Kingpin of NYC at some point. Since in every universe where Matt Murdock is blinded in a car crash Matt Murdock becomes the Kingpin, they know that a universe with Gwen Stacy as one of the first spider-people of NYC, Matt Murdock being blinded in a car crash OR Matt Murdock having acid scars around his eyes, will have a very very high chance of Matt Murdock being the Kingpin. (murderdock is a canon character btw)

Whereas, in a universe where Peter Parker is one of the first spider-people of NYC, Matt Murdock was blinded by being hit by a truck carrying chemicals, or Matt Murdock has alkaline scars around his eyes, will have a very very high chance of Matt Murdock being Daredevil.

Some events (mainly the ones that happen in the real world) are almost universal.

Family

Generations are dictated by the time in the scheme of the web they had their “accident”, so while Oldie is the eldest chronologically at 100, he’s 28* year-old Prime's younger brother, as he became Spider-Man after Prime did.

Relationship names are defined by generation, and are very VERY loosely used Gen 1-“The Control”, canon spider-people Gen 2-“Genetic Experiment” generation, the Other futzed with their mutations a lot Gen 3-“Environmental Experiment” generation, the Great Web futzed around with circumstances a lot Gen 4-“Confirmation” generation, they’re just jiving man

Usually, “older/twin/younger [sibling]” or “[aunt/ommer/uncle]” is used, with a preference to the sibling vein of things, but occasionally “family member of unspecified origin” are used as well. Older generation-“Older [sibling]”, "[Aunt/Ommer/Uncle]" Same generation-“Twin [sibling]”, "Cousin" Younger generation-“Younger [sibling]”, "[Nibling]"

Which gets interesting because Twist could theoretically say “My twin brother Oldie turned 100 today” at the tender age of 30 years old, and not be wrong. there is someone in Gen 4 whose father is in Gen 2, so she calls him dad, but the other gen 4s in that ‘verse call him their uncle exclusively, but they are an exception.

Language

There's at least one deaf character (he's technically canonical but his canonical "miracle cure" felt shitty and ableist so I made it so that never happened), they have a mute person (Crash) and they have a handful of non-English speakers, so they had to come up with a language.

The Spoken Language: Called Spinlish (pronounced Spine-glish), it's largely English (the majority of the Web are Anglophones), but they kind of have a Runglish situation going on, and they have loan-words from Semetic, Romantic, Niger-Congo (mainly Bantu), Japonic and Germanic languages, plus their slang is strange, making them almost incomprehensible to those new to the Web at first. It's largely intuitive and picked up quickly.

Signed Language: Called SSL, it's largely based on ASL (due to all of the Mileses, the people who were largely in charge of putting the language together, being ASL speakers), especially grammar and conventions, but modified to fit a Spider-Person's mask, as well as be signed largely one-handed (missing limbs, as well as just convenience). This is impossible for a nonspider-person to speak as it requires contortions, body movements and balance that aren't naturally occuring in humans. Most words are designed to be intelligible to anyone who can see, but some of the more complicated signs have to be explained. Unlike Spinglish, it was created intentionally, though there is some slang that just came about it from use. Most Spider-People can understand it entirely, and are given lessons if they can't. All the Mileses, some of the Peters and one Gwen are fully fluent. This is almost entirely based on if they interact with one of the Spider-People who almost exclusively use SSL.

Web Language: Called "Stringspeak", they mix Spinglish, alphanumeric alphabets, SSL and pitches (varying web lengths) to communicate, it's very rudimentary, and largely for short messages. As the language gets used more often, it's obtaining dialects, that aren't always mutually intelligible.

~

Okay!!! (imagine i’m rubbing my stinky little fly hands together)

The People

Published

2268 Wigs-Verse or Frat-Verse

Wigs

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 2001, “accident” in February 2016, published up to July 2018, unpublished up to October 2018, “Gen 3”

His premise was basically “everything’s the same but spider-man, deadpool and venom all live in what’s basically a frat house”, but then plot got away from me and it’s now this sprawling reality with subplots

I had a lot of support from my adult friends in the trans community while I was having issues with my parents, and so if I'll be honest I based Peter's relationship with Wade and Matt and some of the other vigilantes to a lesser extent on my relationship with my friends. They've been a huge help over the years I've known them and I care about them dearly, so apparently I've written an inadvertant love letter to them.

It's not uncommon in the queer community for younger queer people to befriend older queer people as "mentors", particularly if their legal guardian's relationship with their queerness is less than ideal. I'm better with my parents now, but the friends and family I've made still matter to me greatly. It's difficult to describe the exact relationship with my trans friends (kind of like how Wigs feels with the other vigilantes*), and I feel like trying to actually label it something specific would do a disservice to them, but they're definitely Family.

This was completely inadvertant on my part btw but it's funny how it turned out

*This is different from how he sees the other Spider-People, whose relationship to him is much clearer.

Things to know: he hates adults unless they are His Adults (and his siblings) -the leading expert in bioengineering of all the spider-people. -fluent speaker of SSL (helped put it together), speaks Delta dialect of Webspeak

the official divergence(s): in the Wigs-Verse, a higher journalism presence during major events throughout the 20th century created a very paranoid generation in the 21st century, and the enhanced population was an easy group to demonize along with the rest. This was spurred further by the fucked up shit with Ultron, and then the Sokovia Accords, which blatantly violated the rights of enhanced people. Other minor divergences: Spider-Man’s parents were HYDRA but tried defecting, died because of it

Reality type: Doom-Verse, cluster Delta

~

3391 Oldie-Verse

Oldie

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 1918, “accident” in February 1933, published up to 2018, “Gen 2”

His premise was inspired largely by the fact my favorite Spider-Man comic is the first Spider-Man Noir, and the fact I was listening to Everywhere at the End of Time by the Caretaker, and also that my dad told me the concept of an immortal who forgets things is cool. I was also inspired by the fact that one of Spider-Man’s most straightforward relationships is with Steve Rogers of all people, so I decided “hey, Steve Rogers was in New York, Peter Parker was in New York, what if they hung out?” and then I decided I’d attempt to make it sad.

Things to know: Serial killer jokes, senile jokes and octopus jokes are frequent. -Widely considered to be the biggest asshole of all the spider-people, but he’s just a ball of stress -HORRIBLE aim, still uses guns -Absolute MONSTER with any sort of fiber art -him and noir are the only spider-people who can fully regrow limbs (and it takes a very long time, it took oldie a decade to regrow a leg he lost just below his hip -has six arms by the end of memory comes when memory's old -fluent speaker of SSL and one of the first speakers of Webspeak

the official divergence(s): The Oldie-Verse has no known divergences (i haven’t decided and don’t feel like it matters tbh), as there have only been two Noir-Verses. Major difference from the other is Spider-Man is the only “superhero” who precedes WW2, unlike the Noir-Verse. Major events similar to Doom-verse

Reality Type: Noir-Verse, cluster Delta

Unpublished

18888 Crash-Verse

Crash (Override)

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 2001, “accident” in February 2016, his fic starts in 2021, “Gen 3”

He’s one of my oldest Spider-Mans, his premise was basically me getting annoyed at “Winter Soldier Peter Parker” fics and being a judgemental asshole and making my own fic out of it. Looking back, it probably wasn’t very nice, and it’s probably a good thing I never published anything at that time, but I got a lot out of his character.

Things to know: His healing factor prevented any HYDRA programming from happening, he’s just pretty amnesiac -he is mute (due to damage to his vocal cords slowly healing) -because of this he speaks almost exclusively in SSL (helped put it together), but he understands and writes in English or Spinglish -always wearing a scarf because of scarring -he is tall (he was given a super soldier serum that brought him to the height he would’ve been genetically, which was 5’10, and added a set amount of inches, putting him at a lovely 6’8) -He has brightly colored, long hair he takes very good care of -Widely considered the “nicest” Peter Parker -hacking expert.

He’s named after Crash Override, a character from the movie “Hackers” because he loves to cause trouble with his hacking

the official divergence(s): Heightened HYDRA presence made it so HYDRA had the resources to be able to kidnap Spider-Man, because a 15 year-old who can throw a car is pretty damn useful

Reality Type: Doom-Verse, cluster Delta

~

4312 Duckie-Verse or Stooges-Verse

Duckie

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 1980, “accident” in February 1995, fic starts in September 2023, “Gen 2”

Things to know: chemistry teacher who accidentally killed the majority of the melanin in his body when he was about 30, white hair, pale-ish eyes, palest skin of the Peters -Divorced (from MJ Watson), has a daughter. -Dresses like an english professor who should've retired five years ago -actually only about 43 -Wears glasses to complete the look -has lunch dates with miles' parents after they confront him -he can really only do basic conversation and discuss chemistry in SSL -Knows who the other spiders in his universe are.

Moe

May “Mayday” Parker born June 2008, “accident” in February 2023, “Gen 4”

Things to know: (unknowingly) mutant (not the x-gene kind) AND mutate -does not know her dad is Red-Suit Spider-Man/Duckie -calls Duckie an uncle until She Knows. -Runs on the track team -Loves both her parents, mad about the divorce -Knows the other Gen 4s’ identities -Called “Red-Suit Spider-Woman”.

Curly

Miles Gonzalo Morales born August 2008, “accident” in February 2023, “Gen 4”

Things to know: goes to a different school from Larry and Moe -calls Duckie an uncle -his parents figure it out pretty quick. -he figures out who duckie is first -trans!!!! -Did gymnastics, likes to do gymnastics routines with Duckie. -fluent SSL speaker, talks to Duckie (as Spider-Man) in it for practice, but he's better at it than Duckie. -Knows the other Gen 4s’ identities. -Called “Black-Suit Spider-Man”.

Larry

Gwen Maxine Stacy born January 2009, “accident” in February 2023, “Gen 4”

Things to know: in Duckie’s chemistry class with Moe -runs track -trans!!! -Calls Duckie an uncle -her dad DOES NOT know she’s Spider-Woman -Rambles about chemistry to Duckie, who rambles back -Knows the other Gen 4s’ identities. -Called “White-Suit Spider-Woman”.

This universe was a joke about Peter Parker being a mess unless he was responsible for small children, and then it became this joke about him having to babysit baby vigilantes and doing well until they find him sobbing in the bathtub eating pizza. Also I like the Concept of Mayday Parker.

the official divergence(s):? this universe has the most Spider-People and they have no idea why.

Reality Type: Prime-Verse, cluster Delta

~

3140 “Twist-Verse”

Twist

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 1990, "accident” in February 2005, fic starts in 2009, “Gen 2”

His premise is literally just this post.

Things to know Peter’s a chemistry teacher

-his universe has some FUCKED up things going on with iron man

-at one point the spiders thought iron man was a rogue program created by tony stark that he refused to own up to, but now they know that's wrong

the official divergence(s): iron man's arc reactor was not removed to create iron monger, iron man became a supervillain, though Twist doesn't really consider him one

Reality Type: Doom-Verse, cluster Delta

~

6542 “Waterspout-Verse”

Itsy

Gwen Maxine Stacy born January 2001, “accident” in February 2016, fic starts then, “Gen 4”

Things to know: grumpy -runs track -speaks SSL fluently

Bitsy

Miles Gonzalo Morales born August 2001, “accident” in February 2016, “Gen 4”

Things to know:Didn't become Spider-Man until Peter Parker died -after a while him and thor become really good friends and Miles can't figure out why -one of the guys who came up with SSL

their premise what if Gwen and Miles were spider-people at the same time and also enemies to allies to best friends

official divergence(s):Ghost-Verse but with Miles Morales too

Reality Type: Ghost-Verse, cluster Delta

~

71121 "Klutz-Verse"

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 2001, “accident” in February 2016, his fic starts in late 2016, “Gen 4”

Things to know: he’s the least cynical of the Peter Parkers -a bit too cheerful -it's a little abrasive to the other Peters but he gets along with the Mileses well -worst at SSL, self-conscious enough he doesn't ask for help

His premise was like. “Tony Stark’s Tiny Bodyguard He Doesn't Know About”, because I thought it was funny.

He originally started out as the hero worship thing but due to the Falling Out with Stark all my “Doom-Verse” (MCU-adjacent) Peters have, he’s doing it a little more out of obligation and that shit goes very very wrong if a Major Player dies. Stark is oblivious to all of this.

the official divergence(s): Peter Parker does not lose his internship the second time by throwing the iron man suit out the window

Reality Type: Doom-Verse, Cluster Delta

NOT MINE, WILL ONLY BE MENTIONED

616 Earth Prime

Prime

Peter Benjamin Parker, year of birth changes, but it’s always August, now he is 28, “Gen 1”

Things to know:this is the comics canon Peter Parker

Twosie

Miles Gonzalo Morales, year of birth changes, but it's always August, and he's always younger than Peter, now he is 16, "Gen 2"

Things to know:this is the comics canon Miles Morales -mastermind behind SSL, started it out on his own, Prime tried to help. Bitsy, Crash, Wigs, then Crash again when he came back, later helped him pull it all together.

This ‘verse is technically timeless, like the actual marvel comics, but Peter’s 28, and Miles is 16. Peter was 28 when Gen 2 showed up, and has been since, whereas Miles was 15, and now he is 16.

Reality Type:The Prime-Verse, cluster Alpha

~

19999 Doom-Verse

Doom-Verse

Peter Benjamin Parker born August 2001, “accident” early 2016, “Gen 4”

MCU-adjacent (anything after black panther does not happen)

They really don't mention him but he exists

Reality Type: The Doom-Verse, cluster Alpha

~

90214 Noir-Verse

Noir

Peter Benjamin Parker born ???, “accident” in winter of 1933, “Gen 1”

Literally Spider-Man Noir, he's one of my favorite canon spider-people

Reality Type: The Noir-Verse, Cluster Alpha

Yeah. This is a mess.

[prosebushpatch]

Hi, I'm a huge fan of your Detective Pikachu AHIT au, so much so that you've inspired me to try and make an AHIT au of my own. I was wondering if you had any tips or advice for me though because I've never really written an au before, let alone a fanfic. I'm not sure how to word it well, but I'll try my best. I guess what I'm wondering specifically is how do you find the balance between standing apart from the original media and making the two blend together in a way that feels natural? If that makes sense? And/or general advice. I've been wanting to write this story for a long time but actually writing (and posting it for others to see) is very intimidating. Sorry if this is a lot to ask for though. I really look up to you a lot when it comes to writing stories. You do such a good job of making the characters easy to relate to and I can almost physically feel myself in your stories when I'm reading them because of how full of life they are. If the advice thing is too much, I understand. If nothing else I wanted so say thank you for all the AHIT stories you've written. They've helped me through some difficult times. Still are. It gives me something to look forward to when everything else is unclear. Thank you very much <3

Oh gosh, first, thank you so much, this is so kind and I’m so glad and grateful my stories can do that for you ;o; <333 It means a lot! I’m happy to share my thought processes for writing! Under the cut because I get a little rambly, but I hope it helps a bit and feel free to ask me to clarify anything!

For balancing aus, what I usually do is pinpoint the main pieces of the original media that I think are most important to the media itself and then if there are any matching themes/vibes with the media I’m working with, I latch onto those too. For example! The main thing I zeroed in on in the Detective Pikachu au is how the dad gets turned into a pokemon, gets amnesia, and has to team up with his kid to unravel the mystery surrounding his predicament. That’s the part that, I think, makes it a Detective Pikachu au first and foremost and it’s where I’m the most faithful to the source, and then I deviate quite a bit, like how I keep the prince/snatcher a lawyer and turn him into an eevee instead because I thought it fit the character more.

And then with that au, I threw in the shadow pokemon mechanic because I thought the artificial corruption of hearts and closing them fit how Vanessa and the prince in ahit are corrupted/overshadowed by their heartbreak. And a smaller thing I did to combine Detective Pikachu with the prince was how, in the movie, detective pikachu is obsessed with coffee and since I made the prince’s partner a polteageist, it made sense to have him have an affinity for tea. And then from there it was a matter of just playing around with how the characters and the world of ahit would change with pokemon!

The most important advice I can give is to write the moments/tropes/emotions that you most want to! For as much as I can justify my choices for the story above, I also just really wanted to write them like that, haha. Like I just adore the shadow pokemon mechanic and wish it was utilized in games more, so I brought it into the story so I could play with it!

I totally get nervous posting stories too. And, looking back, there are a lot of ways I could improve the aus, like I feel that my majora’s mask au could have more influence from majora’s mask itself, but also I do love the story I ended up with! So I think, just writing things that make you happy/call to you is the best place to start. There are a lot of moments in those aus that I was certain no one else but me would enjoy, but then they ended up being some favorites of readers! (Like Wuka ;w; I wasn’t going to keep him in as long but I was delighted to find others loved him too, so I indulged in more shameless owo moments hehe).

This got a little long, but I hope it helps and I hope you start writing your story soon!!! I think my favorite thing about stories is how many ways you can tell the same one, or similar ones, or ones that start in the same place but branch into different paths, and how they all matter. In some way, big or small, stories matter. And your story matters! Wherever you start it, and however you guide it through its journey, it matters! And I most certainly look forward to reading it when it’s ready! <333

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [let's say he puts up an insta of those bubs playing with those torts for her to see] Ava: 🥰 So happy they like 'em, I would've tried to get a real one but they were not fitting in the hand-luggage and apparently that's illegal 🤷 James: [ages later like] James: picking you up from A&E is one thing, a holding cell is quite another Ava: I understand, there's fast and then there's that Ava: thank GOD my Dad will front my bail 😏 James: & your brother's practically a lawyer so there's that Ava: If it weren't him I'd raise questions about having a 'basically' lawyer take my case but yeah Ava: do the torts have names yet? Ava: keep me posted tah James: they do James: Clover & Dandy Ava: 👏 Ava: very creative, very cute Ava: must take after you James: Matty's suggestions were all rejected for being too confusing, which in my opinion was slightly brutal of Jay, but I do also see her point Ava: 😂 Ava: They can have some confusing but adorable nicknames Ava: I couldn't say either my brother or sister's names for the longest time Ava: stuck being 'Uster and 'Ancy James: & yet if the roles were reversed they'd have had such an easy time James: yet more evidence you're a 😇 Ava: and very easy to spell when I got to School, thanks mum and dad Ava: you were alright, 'til it gets to your surname, bit unfair that James: I used to just do a J James: ironic now but I didn't like writing much when I was younger James: added the a & y later when everyone started calling me it Ava: It must've been something, to get to pass that on James: she did it without asking me James: but I know she could have fared a lot worse Ava: Oh, really Ava: I guess that's a thoughtful gesture on her part James: from an outsiders perspective, yes, but I understand why she actually did it Ava: Why? James: because she wanted me to step up & it was the most obvious way there is to say that she's mine & I had to Ava: Ah, that makes sense Ava: in that case, thoughtful as in well thought out but not beyond that Ava: she took your name from you that's James: I'm happy for Jay to have it now though, she'd hate a 'girly' name James: I would have had to find a nickname she could bear to be called in that instance Ava: Yes, at least she's the one who actually has the name, that's never gonna feel bad James: I don't remember where Matilda's came from, we were barely speaking then James: so that does feel worse Ava: at least there's an excellent book and character waiting James: very true James: & she had terrible parents Ava: You won't be getting a hat glued to your head any time soon James: today I won't, we've all learned so many 🐢 facts Ava: Go for esio trot first James: I will, I haven't read it before James: thank you, Ava Ava: You'll like it, and for Roald Dahl, it's pretty sweet Ava: no bad ideas before bed time, like James: does it have a happy ending? Ava: It does Ava: for humans and 🐢 alike James: I've missed you Ava: I've missed you Ava: Obviously couldn't commit the cliche of meeting me off the plane, but when can I see you? James: what are you doing tomorrow? Ava: Avoiding unpacking Ava: I think I've got a brunch date but beyond that, I'm free James: my dad is out of the office all day if you'd like to come & visit me Ava: I'd like that a lot Ava: I definitely will Ava: that'll be okay, right James: she's not going to also decide to visit me James: or talk to anyone that could see you doing so Ava: okay good Ava: Obviously you've thought it through but got a 😇 rep to protect James: I'll never be reckless when your halo is at stake, I assure you James: it's very important to me Ava: What about my 😈 Ava: You can do something about them too, yeah? James: absolutely James: those horns need to stay sharp, of course Ava: God you're hot James Ava: I've missed you so much you have no idea because I lack the words to explain it in any way that would convey just how hard it's been being so far away from you Ava: but I am very much ready to show you tomorrow Ava: and I'm not just talking about the holiday snaps that were not suitable for public display James: It's vital that the protagonist of my 1st novel is very multifaceted 😇 & 😈 which is why I wouldn't write it about just anyone James: I'll show you tomorrow, why it has to be you Ava: I'm so glad that it's me Ava: fuck James: I've lost hours thinking about the tan lines you potentially do or don't have, I'm very invested Ava: I have a strict no spoilers policy Ava: all will be revealed James: but I need to know Ava: 😏 Ava: It does seem cruel and unusual to make you wait when you've already been waiting so long Ava: too 😈 perhaps James: but sending gifts was very 😇 James: what decision are you going to make? Ava: It was just a little something Ava: if I had to get something every time I thought about you, we're talking grains of sand on the beach level Ava: I can't send you pictures, can I James: no, she has an app that restores any pictures I delete Ava: Hmm James: that said, you don't have any tattoos or anything clearly identifying Ava: that's true Ava: can she see the account of who's sent the pictures Ava: because it doesn't have to be me who sends them, or anyone else that actually exists to hunt down James: how many times are you going to go above & beyond to prove to me that you're too smart for King's? James: I believed you on the 1st tour Ava: I can be smart as long as we need to be smart Ava: and I had to make sure you wanted to talk to me after the 1st tour, of course James: I wanted to talk to you before the 1st tour, you know that Ava: I know Ava: Can I ask you something, if you promise to be honest James: yes Ava: Did you think badly of me for trying to pursue you when I knew you were married Ava: or what did you think of me, I guess James: I was too busy being glad that you wanted to James: but of course I wondered why James: I still wonder what it is that you could ever be interested in about me Ava: I can't profess to giving it particular or cohesive prior thought myself Ava: we both allowed some recklessness that day, clearly Ava: and I know you do, I'll write you a book one day Ava: but it'll take me a while to get down everything I find interesting and worthwhile about you James: I can wait Ava: Good Ava: One job at a time Ava: and this profile is looking pretty realistic and is as close to untraceable as is possible Ava: but I'm assuming she doesn't moonlight for MI5 James: do you? James: because you perhaps should Ava: 😏 Ava: Only to write my award-winning, world-changing exposé James: you're going to be a spectacular journalist Ava: Thank you 😊 Ava: I'll spare waxing lyrical about the vitality of a free press, don't think the readers will be about it when we could be talking more about my tan lines James: please do continue James: on whatever subject you feel the most passionate Ava: [a message request from this fake profile moment] James: [immediately accepts and immediately dies] James: oh Ava: you said passionate James: I did Ava: You're a subject I can get really worked up about, like James: I can see that James: & feel it Ava: Good Ava: Are you allowed to send photos to a fake girl or no? James: I don't care if the fake girl gets discovered James: she means nothing to me Ava: Poor fake girl Ava: still, can't be all bad James: it's not James: because now I can show you how much you mean James: [and does because FINALLY can send each other whatever they want] Ava: [what a glorious moment also over here like don't say ily don't say ily] Ava: OH James: Thrilled as I am to be behind a locked door, I'd be even gladder if you were here too Ava: yeah I Ava: feel that Ava: really feel it James: it's my turn to ask you a question James: do you want to hear the story of what would happen if we currently had all the time we could possibly want to really delve into 2 weeks of thoughts, dreams & wish fulfilment or do you want a narrative that's more realistically framed, so unfortunately there's not much opportunity for description or dialogue but instead every second is intensely action driven because we don't have a single one to waste? Ava: The latter Ava: I know the story, as the protagonist I've been living it with you Ava: Call mystery girl, she'll be as quiet as she can James: [does of course] Ava: Well James: I'm speechless James: but still here Ava: Please stay Ava: I hope you can stay James: I'll try Ava: Remember I told you this is different James: yes Ava: I really haven't felt like this before Ava: is what I'm saying Ava: I'm even more sure this is entirely new now James: understood James: I know you understand that it's the same for me Ava: I do James: Ava James: please stay too Ava: I will Ava: Literally nowhere else I'd rather be Ava: or no one else James: I'll try to understand that Ava: I'll try to make it clearer Ava: long as that may take Ava: not a quitter James: you've also never been unclear Ava: But you should know by now Ava: you know James: that's my error, not yours Ava: Shh James: I can't because Ava: Why? James: none of the blame for what I don't know rests on you Ava: but Ava: yeah, that's true Ava: but there's more ways I could show you Ava: tell you James: are there? Ava: yeah Ava: but you know Ava: scary James: that I do know for definite Ava: You don't think I'm 🙀 James: I think you're brave James: but you recognise when to be cautious Ava: I recognize it Ava: I rarely want to be cautious though James: we wouldn't have a story if you did Ava: 😏 okay Ava: I feel less bad James: don't feel bad at all James: please Ava: okay Ava: I'll try Ava: if you do James: you shake Frank's paw & I'll shake a 🐢's James: arm? whatever they have Ava: 🥰 you are so fucking cute Ava: and it's a deal James: [sends her a pic of him doing it because he can now #nerd] Ava: [send a video of Frank mugging her off like get away from me mother] James: 😂 Ava: I still agree to the terms and conditions Ava: he's just a diva and thinks I'm trying to give him an unwanted manipedi James: I can relate to the dread of an unwanted makeover James: tell him I apologise for laughing Ava: Dad duties? James: the reality of a very controlling wife Ava: 😑 Ava: Well we'll go shopping, one day James: only if Jay can come too, nobody hates having no influence over their own wardrobe more than she does Ava: Of course Ava: she's got to meet Frank James: she would love to, you honestly have no idea Ava: One day soon Ava: I can handle bumping into you at the park without being too 😍 James: I don't know whether to be happy or sad that you can apparently handle that Ava: I'm nothing if not over-ambitious Ava: and over-confident James: I like both of those things about you Ava: There's nothing I don't like about you James: I got it really wrong, you're not trying to age me, you're trying to kill me Ava: Never Ava: What would I do without you? James: you'd survive, as you're always saying Ava: 🥺 Ava: no James: it's okay, we don't have to find out James: I want you with me, not without me Ava: I need you James: Ava James: I haven't got in it me to walk away again, I mean it Ava: Then don't Ava: it isn't what I want Ava: but as well, I really don't think it's right, for you or for anyone, me included Ava: It wouldn't be easy, at all, but if I thought this was wrong, I wouldn't do it, I'd have to stop, somehow James: I know Ava: I'm not a bad person Ava: and neither are you James: you're a good person James: & being with you isn't what makes me a bad one Ava: You're a good one Ava: one of my favourites James: no, but you make me want to be better at being a person James: because you're one of my favourites too Ava: We're all just trying to get better at being people, yeah James: most of us Ava: The rest are gonna wake up and realize they wasted a lot of time pretending they had it all figured out, too late James: I'm so happy I met you Ava: That is definitely very mutual James: even if this all goes wrong again tomorrow or any time before how long we want it to last, I want you to know I won't be sorry about the start or the middle Ava: That means more than that phrase can convey James: & I want to emphasise I'm not only saying so because everything else in my life is going horribly James: if I was happy I'd want to share that with you too Ava: I love you James: Ava Ava: I couldn't not say it anymore, I'm sorry James: I don't want you to be sorry if you're not Ava: I'm not sorry that I mean it, or feel it Ava: but I am if I crossed a boundary James: you can say anything to me Ava: Well Ava: there it is James: what are we going to do about it? Ava: Up to you really Ava: we don't have to do anything Ava: do we? James: but that wouldn't be right James: things shouldn't go on as they are Ava: Sometimes they have to though Ava: anyway, does it even count as a declaration of love if I don't run to your house in the pouring rain in something made of white silk, like James: it counts that you're the 1st adult who has honestly said that to me Ava: Then I'll say it again Ava: I love you, James James: Then we need to find a way to be together properly Ava: Yeah? James: yes James: you can't be this important & the other most important person in my life not know that you exist James: or never have woken up next to me James: I still have no idea how beautiful you look when you're asleep Ava: We'll work it out Ava: be together properly James: I promise James: because I have no intention of breaking it Ava: I'm thinking maybe you want me dead too James: not even hypothetically James: I need you too much Ava: My legs feel like they ache from not being allowed to come run and find you right now James: I keep accidentally hurting you, don't I? James: Frank has no skills as a masseur I assume? James: IOU Ava: I'm holding you to that one like it's a bonafide promise too James: good James: because while I don't technically have any skills of my own, I'm confident you'll let me know if you like my attempts or not Ava: fake girl might be quiet as a mouse but that's not my style unless absolutely necessary James: that's why you're my favourite & she's my scapegoat Ava: 🥰😏 I can only be so sorry James: well, it's fine because apologies aren't what I wanna hear Ava: All I wanna hear is my alarm so it means I get to see you today James: almost looking forward to going to the office myself James: how unusual Ava: They're so welcome for the boost in morale, like James: if I could keep you on my desk all day, I would Ava: When the novel is ready and you're ready to be fired, then we can do that James: okay James: I'll pull a few more all-nighters James: see if I can't get these chapters finished Ava: I'll nap beside you Ava: at my most inspiring when I 😴 James: I find it hard to believe you'd be anything other than distracting Ava: Who, me? 😇 James: yes, you James: you're very beautiful, you know Ava: 😊 Ava: You're lovely James: it's true, you make me wish I knew how to paint Ava: You make me wish a lot of things, I get that James: tell me one day Ava: Every wish? James: yes Ava: Okay Ava: we can count how many have come true James: until they all have Ava: Happily ever after James: it would be over ambitious & over confident of me to suggest I'm capable of giving you anything close & I'm not anything close to being either Ava: You're just less talk, more make it happen Ava: you've shown that plenty already Ava: I believe in you, I always tell you James: I can always feel how sincere you're being when you do Ava: Good 'cos I don't lie Ava: even to be nice James: I like that about you most of all Ava: If I wasn't conceited before 😂 James: you weren't, it's fine Ava: Well Ava: 🤏 Ava: but it is fine Ava: not not fine enough to warrant stopping you complimenting me James: you couldn't stop me, darling Ava: is that so? James: of course James: even if you made me speechless again, compliments don't have to be spoken Ava: 🤤 Ava: can we put that to the test James: give me a minute James: [a dramatic pause that's longer than either of them would like] Ava: James? James: okay, test me Ava: How though? James: how do you think you can 😶? Ava: Oh, that's easy Ava: I just need the help of a friend James: it's easy to give you compliments Ava: I know, that's why I've gotta go hard over here Ava: bear with James: take all the time you need Ava: I won't need that long Ava: don't like wasting time with you ever James: are you saying you think you've already lost? Ava: Um, no Ava: I'm saying it won't be long until you can see the finished product and be 😶 Ava: how rude of you 😏 James: then it couldn't possibly be a waste of time Ava: [sends him a video on the fake profile] Ava: might wanna turn your sound way down James: well, now I want to turn it up Ava: do so at your own risk Ava: I'm very much alone rn so I could be as loud as is necessary James: [sends her a pic so she knows how into that video he was because worth a thousand words] Ava: Now that is a compliment James: like I said, it's easy to be complimentary towards you Ava: I can see that 🤭 James: I need to see you James: why the fuck isn't it tomorrow yet? Ava: It's actually so unfair Ava: dunno if we can claim starcrossed but you know James: it'll feel less tragic once I get in the shower & can actually turn the volume up Ava: You're really gonna inspire a sequel that easily, huh James: a saga James: longer than Twilight Ava: would just about see us through 'til morning Ava: me @ brunch 🥴 James: I'm wide awake if you are Ava: Of course Ava: new challenge Ava: make you speechless and get you to 💤 pass out, like James: I'm not sure if it's an advantage or disadvantage that I haven't slept well for the last 6 years Ava: We'll work that out together Ava: but wait Ava: say night now so I don't miss it later James: it'll definitely prove helpful in the morning since we have a habit of leaving cups of coffee untouched when we're together James: Oh Ava, you're so sweet James: goodnight for later, my darling Ava: True Ava: and Edward is so jealous Ava: you can't help being more interesting Ava: or better at sweet talk James: we'll make everyone jealous, one day James: when you're my girlfriend Ava: I can't wait Ava: legitimately James: me either Ava: Did you have many girlfriends before Ava: or just do hookups James: I didn't have any girlfriends before Ava: suppose you didn't have much time, nah Ava: not for serious ones James: I didn't want a serious one in school & my parents absolutely didn't want me to have one either, for all the good that did Ava: Makes sense Ava: parents rarely get what they want though, like you said James: I was having too much fun not being serious about anything, until I wasn't any more Ava: That's a lot of people Ava: if there's a time for it James: that's everyone I knew then & a lot of different people I also know now Ava: Yeah, it is a bit like they typecast this entire area most of the time James: I'll make every attempt to avoid it when I set the scene in my novel Ava: like you said too, fun 'til it ain't Ava: I always leave before then James: I always did too, until I got to rehab & leaving was no longer an option James: kind of its unique selling point Ava: How long ago was that? James: it's been years Ava: What did you go in for, if you don't mind me asking James: do you remember that expensive drug habit I mentioned as being one of the only things I used to care about? it honestly was Ava: I was just worried you were meant to be sober Ava: 'cos that would've been really awkward Ava: that's amazing though Ava: well done James: I'm mostly sober but sometimes I fuck that up, which is awkward, you're right Ava: I'm sorry Ava: that night was totally my idea, I steamrolled you so hard James: it was my bad idea to get drunk, that's not your fault James: it's also not your fault that I did something I shouldn't to try & stop myself from doing something else that I'd convinced myself that I shouldn't James: because I'm well aware of how well that doesn't work Ava: Alright Ava: but I'll be more supportive now I know, for the record Ava: though I see your logic there, even if it didn't exactly go to plan James: it went according to an even better plan James: because here we are James: & I don't want to spoil your fun, Ava Ava: I can't even claim it as my plan, sadly Ava: 'cos I couldn't even imagine we'd get here Ava: and you won't, you don't Ava: there's more than one way to have fun Ava: every time I've met up with you has been fun and I was only drinking one of those times so safe to say it isn't required, like James: tomorrow won't be any different, I promise James: despite the fact my office has never been fun before Ava: yeah but I've never been there before Ava: obviously the issue James: the main issue, absolutely Ava: having your dad as a co-worker is probably a fair 2nd James: technically he's my boss & how often he likes to make that known is the 3rd Ava: ick Ava: 🙄 Ava: he's not getting in the book James: I'll put him in the acknowledgements for spurring me on in getting the chapters done quickly Ava: 😂 A subtle dig is the best kind James: 🖋 vs ⚔ Ava: your 🤓 brain is sexy James: I'll happily say again that everything about you is Ava: I'll be even happier when I can hear you actually say it tomorrow James: you can hear me say it now James: I'll bring you into the 🚿 with me Ava: I love you James: [okay we skipping to tomorrow for my evil cockblocking deeds] James: Teddy's here Ava: Oh Ava: to visit or put in hours? James: the latter apparently, which he has wisely decided to do when my dad isn't here to supervise him Ava: Well, good for him Ava: right, what's the plan then James: I'm gonna go get Matty, she might as well here too since you can't be James: maybe she'll annoy him enough that he'll leave earlier than he's currently planning to Ava: Cross my fingers, like Ava: she's pretty sweet overall though James: Teddy really doesn't like children though Ava: I can't imagine him interacting with one tbf Ava: keep me posted then, I guess James: he dropped Jay when she was a bit older than Matty, it can't have helped matters James: if nothing else I'll try & leave earlier than I actually need to when I go to pick her up James: it won't give us long but it's the best I can do Ava: Kids are made of sturdy stuff, if my fam has taught me anything Ava: bless him Ava: that's cool Ava: the girls were going on to the shops so I'll just join them James: okay Ava: can't be helped, can it James: not yet James: but I'm still sorry Ava: not your fault James: [sends her all the deets because he's booked her a massage since he can't give her one & she's now got loads of spare time, like ILY babe] Ava: You didn't have to do that Ava: but as far as 2nd best options go Ava: I've lucked out there, thank you James: I'm aware how frustrating all of this is, in every possible aspect of the word James: so hopefully this will help Ava: It is Ava: but you're worth it to me so I'm in if you are Ava: though probably warn me beforehand if it's that kind of massage, otherwise it could get awkward James: 😂 I have heard she's very good but I can't personally vouch for whether or not that's why she's as highly recommended as she is James: you'll have to let me know Ava: 😏 I'll let you know if your friends are shameless perverts or not, yeah James: thank you James: it would be useful information to have because both my parents have separately been there Ava: 😬 Ava: do you reckon that's ever happened Ava: having an affair with the same person by accident James: it must have at some point Ava: I mean, a thruple is the last resort of every middle-aged couple wanting to reignite things so give it a go James: thank god I'm not yet middle aged & my marriage is dead in the water James: it was strange enough when a friend made a pass at me at a party who I know had slept with her previously without seeking us it out Ava: as much as it pains me you aren't, babe Ava: she's not my type either sorry James: understandable, he wasn't mine Ava: you straight? James: shocking, I know Ava: Again, tragically not but I thought I better check 😉 James: as much as she'd probably love that to be the reason I want to leave her, it's not Ava: That cliche really is played out though James: agreed, it's not one of my preferred cliches Ava: Fine, fine, I WON'T sleep with the masseuse, you don't have to beg James: if you could not sleep with anyone else, regardless of their profession, that'd be a relief Ava: 'Course I won't Ava: I love you, there'd be no point James: I miss you so much Ava: I know, I miss you too Ava: not just because all my friends seem to have got new boyfriends at once that they all had to talk about James: two fake profiles would be a step too far, right? Ava: 🤏 just Ava: anyway, fake girl means nothing Ava: I don't wanna claim fake boy either, just you James: maybe you should come to the office & let Teddy see you, it would get everything out in the open Ava: I don't think you're ready for that, are you James: there is no way to ready myself for it though, is there? Ava: There's some ways Ava: even if you know your wife is obviously gonna be a nightmare regardless Ava: can ease everyone else in Ava: maybe mention you've met someone to him? see how he is with that first James: I don't really want to involve him to such a dramatic degree, yours is a much better idea Ava: Believe me, I wanna be there as much as you want me there Ava: but I don't wanna fuck it up James: me either, it's gotten so bad with her James: as bad as it's ever been Ava: What are you going to do? James: I don't know, I tried to leave when...after I left you & James: well, I'm still there, aren't I? Ava: It's really fucking complicated Ava: and that's an understatement Ava: it will probably be worse after, when you do leave Ava: but then, when she can't follow through with her threats, 'cos it's all bullshit, what can she do, you know what I mean James: she's said things that mean I can't risk leaving her alone with the children at all now James: not that I particularly did before but there were things I believed she'd do then & things I didn't actually Ava: You'd have to take them with you Ava: so that means you need to keep your place Ava: but I assume the chances of her leaving are slim to none Ava: unless Ava: hmm James: she's said she wants to go, start over, but that means nothing James: I know she'd refuse to just to spite me Ava: Appearance is everything with her, yeah? James: it is Ava: you need to do something that will make her leave then, feel like she's made the decision Ava: like if you were gay, something that she can't make go away on the socials James: we can't have a baby just so she'll fuck off Ava: No, I can't even have news of a fake baby getting back to my parents Ava: but seriously Ava: if we did out us, show people we were Ava: would she find a way to hack that or no? James: she'd find a way to destroy your entire life Ava: No she wouldn't Ava: she's doing that to yours, has been for too long James: she would, Ava James: she's done it before, to your sister, to any other girls she's found out about James: & I didn't even care about them the way I do about you Ava: What could she possibly say about me? Ava: I'm a homewrecker? If she wants everyone to know how unhappily married she is Ava: Everyone knows all about my weird family, I've dealt with that for years Ava: Anything she could say, I'd own up to or I'd prove wrong, she doesn't control my narrative James: even if you are right, she still controls mine James: my children's James: I'm not allowed to just take them, am I? She'll have me arrested or something Ava: Only mentally Ava: you can break that, you will Ava: 'cos she doesn't provide any finances, she doesn't look after the kids, what does she offer, like Ava: there is no hold over you but her mental one Ava: Your name is on their birth certificates too, you're as entitled to be with them Ava: anyway, you don't have to go anywhere, who owns your flat, like? James: my dad owns everything Ava: Yeah, your dad Ava: He's not going to put his grandkids out, even if he doesn't side with you Ava: and if it comes to it, he'll have to have you both out whilst you sort out the divorce Ava: there's no way she's automatically entitled to that flat, it isn't either of yours Ava: and she's not automatically entitled to the kids, especially with all the worrying things she's said, yeah James: but I'm not either, I'm an addict Ava: Recovered, literally went to rehab Ava: and let's be honest, half this town is on it to that degree but they're not owning up and calling it a problem Ava: you did that and you sorted it out James: what if they aren't actually mine? James: she's cheated as much as I have Ava: Oh, James Ava: I don't know Ava: you could find out Ava: if you were ready for that but Ava: I see the appeal of not knowing Ava: she probably does though, if she's thought to use it against you before, it's at least crossed her mind too James: as much as she's said it, I've never actually believed her James: but what if I find out that they aren't, it'll be the end, nothing else that we've just said would even have any relevance James: I can't lose them, Ava, I'd rather stay with her forever than let that happen Ava: Of course Ava: they're yours, you raised them Ava: does she Ava: stupid question but does she actually want them? James: no James: she told me she never did, either of them Ava: I don't Ava: as spiteful as she is Ava: would she keep two kids she doesn't love or want Ava: what about her parents, what do they think? James: they're both at their wits end Ava: They'd back you, then James: they know they can't back her James: too much has happened that her mum knows about Ava: If you have proof and people backing you that she's unfit to be the sole provider, then she'd have to sort out visitation and work with you Ava: and I can't see her bothering, if she means all she's said Ava: but Ava: I don't know Ava: it's scary James: if she knows it's you I'm with, I honestly couldn't guarantee anything with regards to what she would or wouldn't do James: her strange obsession with your siblings is something I've never quite understood Ava: None of this is about me, or my wellbeing Ava: I don't care, there's nothing she can do to me Ava: if that was all we were worried about I'd move myself in today but it ain't James: but what I'm saying is, she could go further than we're thinking she would with regards to the children because she doesn't want me to be happy with you specifically James: not just because she doesn't want me to be happy ever Ava: Okay, I get it Ava: So you'll either stay, forever Ava: or she'll take the kids and you'll have to battle in the courts to see them James: that's how it appears James: & if they aren't mine, she just takes them if I don't stay forever Ava: That's why if you do decide to leave Ava: you need to know that first James: I'm scared to know it Ava: That's understandable Ava: there's few things scarier that I can think of James: Matty wouldn't remember if I disappeared from her life now but Jay needs me Ava: You aren't going to just disappear Ava: whatever you decide, whatever happens, we won't let it be that James: can you forget everything I said about trying to be sober, please, I really need a drink James: lots of drinks actually Ava: Tell whoever you need to that you need to go home, okay Ava: then come meet me Ava: I shouldn't have started this conversation right now, I'm so sorry Ava: come be with me James: I can't, you've got a massage to get to & that's the least of what's expected of me James: not leaving Ava: Okay, have you got Matty? Ava: Because go do that then, spend some time with her James: I don't think I should, she'll pick up on how I feel & then nobody'll get any work done Ava: Alright, are you sure you want to stay, you'll be alright? James: I'll be fine Ava: I'll leave you to it then Ava: try to distract yourself, sure Teddy will help you James: I'll talk to you later Ava: Sure, no worries James: [later] James: I'm sorry Ava: I totally get it Ava: well, I don't, but I totally get that too Ava: I'm sorry as well James: everything is indescribably terrible Ava: Yeah Ava: it's bad James: I'm so sorry, Ava Ava: You don't have to say sorry to me Ava: I chose what I chose Ava: you didn't know what you were signing up for, how could you James: now you know what you're signing up for, if you don't want to be any more, I understand Ava: Don't say that James: I have to say it Ava: Now you have then but I'm ignoring you James: please don't Ava: I could never, you know how I feel Ava: that's not changing, it can't James: I know & you know I don't want it to Ava: I just wish there was something I could do Ava: to actually help James: you do help James: more than I can find words to express Ava: I'm not gonna bring it all up again but Ava: all I can think is we have two spare rooms at mine, alright Ava: if you ever need them James: what about your parents? Ava: I could talk to them Ava: and both rooms have bathrooms, and it's only me on that floor as well so the girls wouldn't have to feel like they've got to meet loads of new people James: but what could you possibly say? Ava: As much of the truth as they need to know Ava: Don't worry about that, they're easier to sort than any of the rest of this, yeah James: I'm fairly certain that'd be the whole truth & that wouldn't be easy Ava: They're big rooms, the girls could share or you could have one with Matty Ava: I'm saying, we don't have to say you could as easily share mine James: I wouldn't want someone as fucked up as me going out with either of my daughters Ava: You aren't Ava: it'll just be the age gap but they'll get over that Ava: anyway, the space is there, that's about all I've come up with since earlier James: thank you James: for even trying to come up with anything while I've just been James: again, I don't know what the word is, or could be Ava: You needed to stop Ava: as much as you ever can James: & now I need to see you but it can never just be that simple Ava: Does Jay have anything on tonight, like a club or a lesson or? James: ballet, so I have to stay because she hates it Ava: Fair enough Ava: Is lunch tomorrow an option or? James: I'll make sure it is Ava: Okay, I'll see you then Ava: could you do a phonecall during ballet, even for five minutes Ava: just so I can hear your voice, tell you all the things I wanna James: no promises Ava: of course James: aren't you glad you came back from holiday to all this Ava: I wasn't planning to stay there forever regardless Ava: you know how much I missed you Ava: still do James: tell me about it, or the massage, or your friends' boyfriends, anything that isn't the subject of my misery Ava: It was a good massage Ava: though the way my shoulders killed, you wouldn't think I'd just been on holiday Ava: you definitely need to try it yourself James: I'll book us in together next time Ava: That'll be perfect James: but before I do, did she try & seduce you? Ava: 😂 Ava: not enough to convince me I need to go back every fortnight 💔 James: did you not tell her I've got a best selling novel to write? Ava: Of course Ava: doing the hard sell on everyone for you, babe James: I appreciate it, very much Ava: I appreciate you Ava: What time will you be back, I'll uber eats you something for dinner Ava: you must be exhausted James: only if you order the same thing, it'll almost be like having dinner together Ava: You have the best ideas James: [a time that he'll be back] Ava: It's a date James: I'll dress up for you James: get out of these work clothes Ava: 😳 'scuse you Ava: warn me before you're gonna be that hot please James: if you were warned, you'd be less likely to 😳 Ava: I'll always blush for you Ava: like it or not James: you know how much I like it Ava: I seriously wish you were here Ava: such a waste of pink James: I wish you were here Ava: Gutted my ballet days are behind me James: she doesn't want to go, is there anywhere we actually could meet? Ava: With the kids? Ava: I hear that new soft play does a good coffee James: okay Ava: It's one place adults are actually encouraged to chat to each other so it won't be weird to Jay James: as soon as I tell her she doesn't have to put her tutu on, that's all she'll care about Ava: Bless her James: not to mention the bun, that's a war I'm happy to call a ceasefire on Ava: I'll put my hair down Ava: not trigger her 😂 James: just me then 😍 Ava: it's still a date, like Ava: got to keep you on your toes James: can we draw the line at a pirouette though please? I'm very tired Ava: alright, another time 😏 James: tomorrow maybe Ava: you'll feel up to it then? Ava: planning on a 💤 night of sleep James: you said the coffee's good James: if I actually manage to drink it, who knows Ava: Don't you know you're too big for the ball pit? James: that's an outrageous thing to say! after the day I've had, I couldn't deserve a ball pit more James: you've really devastated me there Ava: Okay, okay, I'm sorry Ava: sneaky hold my hand under the balls? Ava: please James: regardless of your apology, I'm gonna have to throw you in James: so yes Ava: 😱 Ava: now that's actually outrageous James: 😏 Ava: 😈 Ava: how you play James: with you Ava: so inappropriate to make me 😳 in soft play James: oh, so you want best behaviour? James: I can do that too Ava: No Ava: never said that Ava: I might like inappropriate James: I also think you might, let's find out Ava: 🥰 Ava: Let's James: Ava James: I seriously don't know what I would do without you James: no, that's wrong actually, I do. I'd be in such a state right now, really drunk or worse James: because it's not talking about it that's the problem James: we have to keep talking about it, okay? James: I have to figure out what I'm going to do Ava: I love you, James Ava: of course we can keep talking, I'm not going to leave you Ava: whatever you need means just that Ava: you will figure it out Ava: You will not lose them, okay, whatever that takes James: but what you need is just as important & if that's ever taking a step back, not talking about it or whatever else, do it Ava: Of course Ava: I will, I'll try James: good, I've already dragged you into this & I refuse to also drag you down Ava: You'll see how hard it is to do that in the ball pit James: 😂 Ava: Not without a fight, ever James: if they don't use that as the film tagline, such a waste Ava: They might want you as lead for that Ava: negotiations are ongoing James: you're the face, it's non-negotiable Ava: 🥺 I wanna kiss your face James: I want to press my lips against every single bit of your skin, all the time Ava: Oh James: there's never enough hours for everything I want to do with you Ava: Making up for all that lost time should be very, very good James: we're going to need days, weeks, months James: I want to give you that Ava: You can promise James: can I? Ava: Yeah Ava: we'll find a way, right? James: I promise you Ava: 💙 Ava: I promise you it'll get better James: of course, there's no crying in the ballpit Ava: not even when I beat you James: hypothetically not even then, but you won't so it's no problem Ava: 😏 that's fighting talk James: yes, it very much is Ava: Don't try to swoon your way to victory Ava: I'm definitely not that easy, nope James: I'm not Mr Darcy James: we can both do better than that James: that said, I am wearing a white shirt Ava: Shame there's not a good lake around James: but we should still go swimming some time Ava: Only if you pick the bikini Ava: tradition now James: of course, I'd hate to break tradition Ava: take you off the alumnus James: & then how would I meet girls Ava: 😲 Ava: Cheek James: that's all it is, I assure you Ava: not a threat then? James: no James: I'm not planning to lose you in the ball pit Ava: Good luck Ava: take more than a subtle hint to get rid of me, babe James: it'd be very bad luck Ava: 🍀 James: how soon can you be there? Ava: it isn't far, is it Ava: 15-20 minutes James: okay Ava: You better show up first so I can tell 'em I'm meeting you Ava: convincing a not-bothered 6-year-old I have an imaginary child is one thing Ava: reception will just be getting 🚨 James: I'll let you know when we do Ava: 👍 Ava: I'm looking forward to it Ava: even if it'll be odd to leave it at a kiss on the cheek James: & very odd for you & Jay to finally be in the same place Ava: Yeah, you sure you're alright with it? Ava: No doubt she'll totally blank me, who wouldn't when faced with the joy of soft play James: obviously it's far from ideal for me or you but Ava: I just wanna see you Ava: I'm fine with it James: I know I should probably care more but I swear, if this day ends without seeing you James: I will actually lose my mind Ava: We're not doing anything wrong Ava: you can't help it if random women talk to you at soft play Ava: have to keep you literally locked up to avoid that so James: It does happen a lot & yet I've so far avoided being chained to the wall Ava: Exactly Ava: not even anything noteworthy Ava: and I'm not gonna like Ava: overstep or be too much with either of the girls, you don't need to worry Ava: I wouldn't do that, or anything you weren't comfortable with James: I'm not worried about that James: I'd never have brought Matty over to your house if I thought it was going to make either of us feel uncomfortable Ava: 'Course Ava: you're a good dad James: but if you do feel anything close to it, with Jay or with anything, just tell me Ava: I will Ava: You're doing this well, you know James: I'm trying to Ava: And if she ever says, you know Ava: she doesn't like me or whatever Ava: then you can tell me and we won't meet when you have to be with them Ava: take it slower Ava: I know it would make it harder but I know they come first and I'm totally cool with that James: you're doing this really well too Ava: I hope so Ava: it's new territory for both of us, all of us Ava: we'll work this out too James: I trust you, Ava Ava: Thank you Ava: you can Ava: I'm not gonna let you down James: but you can, like you said, we're all just trying to get better at being people, aren't we Ava: Yeah, okay Ava: Too cocky? Ava: I'll try really, really hard not to let you down, but no promises Ava: How's that? James: I don't want you to think that me thinking you're perfect means you have to be James: 😇 & 😈 remember, mistakes are what rewrites exist for & I already made mine in trying to let you go James: you're allowed to get it wrong too Ava: I just really don't want to hurt you James: I don't want to hurt you either Ava: as long as we know that, even if we do by accident or whatever Ava: that's better, isn't it Ava: than me leaving you alone James: anything would be better than that James: but yes, especially if we know what we want & don't want James: I'd let you hurt me over & over again if it meant you didn't leave but I know that isn't what you want Ava: Never ever Ava: even thinking about it is making me hurt James: so we're not going to let it happen even hypothetically Ava: only fun hypotheticals James: like the traffic not being horrendous so I get to soft play before the children start a riot James: because we're finally ready to go Ava: That's so hypothetical it borders on a pipe dream but maybe the universe will play fair after the day you've had 🙏🤞 James: so much so that I'm hypothetically considering walking Ava: how many hypothetical stops would you have to make 'cos she wants to look at something or pick something up she shouldn't Ava: Frank can make a ten minute walk take a good thirty, easy James: enough that I could hypothetically catch my breath after all the cigarette breaks I've had today & I might not hypothetically pass out Ava: Just thinking of your health, clearly James: I should quit, again Ava: How long did you manage? James: which time? Ava: 😏 most successful time then James: 6 months maybe Ava: Not to be sniffed at Ava: longer than I've gone and I'm a shameless 'social' smoker as if that's alright James: how long have you managed? Ava: However long between whenever I've been offered one Ava: I've not tried really James: do you want me to not offer you any? Ava: Sounds like you need to catch your breath Ava: take that as you will James: okay Ava: 😊 Ava: Tell me when I need to leave James: [a long enough pause] James: you can leave now, if you'd like Ava: On my way Ava: how strict is your sweet policy? James: arguably not as strict as it should be, but I don't share that hypothetical opinion Ava: I'll stop in the shop on the way Ava: now, do I guess and see how my choice rates or do I cheat and ask you what the faves are Ava: 🤔 James: you heard me say I trust you, right? Ava: Okay, I got this James: I believe it & in you, darling Ava: 😍 you could say that again Ava: if you liked James: I've got no end of faith in you, Ava Ava: Ugh, bye Ava: I've melted James: what I'm hearing is that I'm going to have to pour you into the ball pit? Ava: If you can pick me up off the floor, yes Ava: also what I'm hearing is you want a treat too, noted James: of course I'll pick you up Ava: Actually trying to kill me Ava: I'm trying to walk, like James: if I could carry you over the threshold of this soft play centre, I would Ava: Babe 😩 James: not the time nor the place, understood Ava: Sadly not James: when the filmmaker takes certain liberties with the source material, we'll attempt it then Ava: Directors cut, yeah James: yes Ava: right, 'scuse me whilst I focus Ava: 🍭🍫🍬 important decisions to be made James: you're sweeter than any of it Ava: James James: sorry, you need to concentrate 😶 Ava: 😈 you Ava: but 😇 at the same time Ava: how do you do it? James: how do you? Ava: Touche Ava: maybe we're a good match James: I think we are Ava: What a coincidence Ava: Me too James: 🍀 Ava: [do we wanna end it here and just work out how it goes?] James: [yeah we can do] Ava: [I'm saying she went animal-themed and got her like percy pigs and an animal bar and the animal biscuits etc and got Matty some rusks or something soz baby snacks aren't as fun and then got him some candy cigarettes] James: [we all know that'd go down amazingly well done babe & I'm saying the baby made the loudest sound when she saw her again like oh hey girl] Ava: [that would be so cute] James: [we all know they already like each other] Ava: [lbr you haven't got any competition in Chloe, all you need to do is not be a massive bitch] James: [mhhmmm I'm also saying he let Jay decide what she wanted to wear because she deserves that thank you] Ava: [when you're busy living your best life so I assume you'll be alright even if you're like hello stranger?] James: [she'd be in such a good mood thankfully] Ava: [we all deserve this to be a moment, lads] James: [even if it can't be as much of a moment as you'd both like, keep it sneaky lads] Ava: [🐍[ James: [the self control required after the day they've had and how highkey their emotions are rn] Ava: [truly, at least no adults are there to pick up on what is way more than the vibe] James: [the receptionist been knew but who's she telling] Ava: [lmao imagine the amount of people conducting sneaky affairs she stay in her lane] James: [I bet they would cos their kids could not be more distracted] Ava: [its perfect tbh] James: [100% am throwing her in the ballpit excuse us children] Ava: [must be done] James: [let him be young goddamn it, he was robbed] Ava: [be young and have fun] James: [Jau just talking about soft play constantly for the foreseeable but Chloe none the wiser lol] Ava: [gonna steal your kids and your man 'cos you don't want 'em James: [they gotta come back because not only is it a great cover it'd be a really swag soft play like better than the one Louise always goes to even because posh people] Ava: [remember on scummymummies they said that one did booze lol they've got so fancy] James: [you're missing out Chlo, soz not soz] Ava: [literally no one is soz, not even your baby] James: [the baby should have her tort with her because feels] Ava: [awh yas] James: [no other kids steal it thank you] Ava: [baby fight lmao] James: [I hope not because the mum would be so judgey cos he's young & Ava's even younger] James: [not sorry we all serving looks & living our best lives at this soft play] Ava: [no one shall bring them down rn or I'll brawl] James: [but I do hope Jay's hair is the messiest it's ever been because fuck you chloe] Ava: [i always wonder what chloe is actually doing 'cos like, nothing ever is the tea] James: [truly how much shopping can you do girl] Ava: [waiting for your fairytale in your sham of a life, like] James: [ooh Ava should do something with Jay's hair that she actually likes cos maybe she's getting annoyed at it while she's trying to play & live her best life and James is like pikachu meme what is this witchcraft but she thinks he's like 😧 how dare you for the hottest of secs] Ava: [a mood just like lowkey how dare you but also how teach me lmao] James: [just falling more in love with the bae by the second over here] Ava: [queen of understated and simple shoutout to your mother for that one] James: [yas I've always loved that about Bea] Ava: [the levels of fuss Chloe is is not a mood for anyone] James: [one of many reasons Jay hates you babe] Ava: [those poor kids she ends up having like rip] James: [I hope she only dresses James now when they are going out because lord] Ava: [poor boy not a mood] James: [especially now you got the hottest bae ever] Ava: [nothing you can do to cockblock this honey] James: [she should obvs find the fake profile like immediately though] Ava: [we can do that next] James: [& if she messages it Ava will be able to see what she's like] Ava: [the delight that is, okay letgo]

[pthfyndr]

Me... I'm a hard worker. I always have been and I always will be! I'll get right to the point with that being said.(its a GREAT point I recommend the read 😁 that's only my opinipn though 😏)

I've only just begun my journey to success! I'm turning 31 in January...ugh I know eh getting old as hell and have only been successful at working myself into shitty situations! I won't deny it. A lot of my life has been fucked for a lack of better word.(you ask why I just said that, you now are no longer reading my post...that is for a reason. If those words offend you and make you not want to work with me, I too, do not want to work with you. I am who I am and it gets said, I appreciate anyone who is taking the time to read this I'll get back to my post 😁) It's been fucked in the sense of I never learned the real world everyday day 2 day stuff. Well that shit is important to know EVERYDAY haha. So after 28 years of COMPLETELY draining the life out of myself, living life testing most of the wrong paths in life. I found out only one thing, I have been living my life the wrong way. I'm not connected with the 9-5 lifestyle like some people are.

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Want to hear something funny...

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Ya?

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I didn't even know you could make money online🤔😮

I'm not even joking. Oh how I have discovered my path to being able to have the life I have always ALWAYS had in the back of my head. Even through days of dark deep depression I could see this life I was wanting but could not, for the life of me, understand why I couldnt reach it. I worked soooo hard at all these jobs, busted my toochie 😂😂 all fucking day(seriously though I'm a hard ass worker I like to joke with sarcasm 😃) only to make enough to barely live off of... (so I thought anyway, not having EVER been taught the handling of money) and feeding my weekend habits and my weekly habits and well all the habits in between that get picked up along the way. It's extremely hard to make it all come together. For many of those years it was completely unclear to me as to why it was all happening, I didn't understand the logistics behind life so basically all I knew how to do was work my ass off to be able to pay (usually only some) bills and have a rocking good time on the weekend. Until I was so far gone with depression it was basically over. Couldn't function regularly, had zero ambition for life in general... but there was a reason I was here. Still here I should say living through a couple car accidents, and the countless unremembered nights of my young adult life. I didn't know that reason then and couldnt figure it out for the life of me.(AGAIN😂😂) Just joking, I had three beautiful children of my own & beautiful step daughter to live for. They were my ONLY reason for still being and sticking around this crazy fucking world we live in. No matter what I was going to find someway to make a great life for them. It was around July or August of 2017 when I came to my good friend Google(that I used on a regular basis to find useless bullshit that didn't benefit my life at all) and typed in the famous saying "how to make money online" and there it began. I was hooked, I knew, absolutely KNEW this was how I am supposed to live! I could be with all my children, I could afford to have an actual house and yard for them, pay for hockey, pay for dance lessons, for singing lessons... I want it all for them.(if they choose of course... they are all extremely talented though) I want to help animals in need and kids have lunches at schools, donate to children's hospitals(as my daughter was 10 months premature and was saved by our local children's hospital the IWK!!!) That's the level I'm on! I have so much love and want to help bent up inside of me with a bank account that couldnt choke an ant😔 lol ...wait wtf is this guy talking about? Why the fuck would you be talking to me about investing in you then? Well let me tell you!

Over this past almost 2 years now I have turned my mindset from a "i cant" attitude, to a "I Can" attitude! I have walked over many demons in my life to get to the point I am at today. I've worked at jobs where I've been covered in shit for the entire day, or frozen to the point of losing feeling in your hole body.

This is why I am writing this post to you today, I need help gaining more knowledge to back up my 2 years of free surfing the net. Tai Lopez has been one of my favorite mentors because he is 100% knowledge is power! He teaches you how to implement that into your life to make your dreams a reality. I need this in my life, this is what I am asking for. A course from Tai so I can get his insight on business to be able to better build a more stable life for my children and me.

If you have read this far it is possible you are interested in working with me, so first off I want to thank you with or without your contribution for reading my story I hope it intrigued you or at the least you enjoyed it 😁 I am fully confident with the right mentor and guidance of that mentor I can make my life and the lives of many others much better.

My name is Myles Maclaren, let's talk!