#feedback is welcome!

[jorvegian-goddess]

So I’m reworking the magic system in SSO; particularly the circles; for my own version of the main story. I’m keeping the Moon and Lightning circles but am removing Star (I feel like something like stars is more divine and that would more associated with Aideen/Ali than healing) and thinking of replacing it with an Earth/Terra circle for healing.

As for the Sun I want to keep it as the Sun, but not sure if Anne should keep her portal abilities; I really like it in a thematic sense. Anne has the ability to open portals to pandoria and thus has the deepest connection to it outside of Ali, but ends up being the one trapped there the longest and is the most traumatized by it. But it just doesn’t make sense for the Sun circle. I was thinking something closer to Stella from Winx but we’ll see.

On top of that I want to add more elemental based circles but can’t decide if they should be completely separate from the celestial circles (the main four as I’m calling them) or an offshoot of them.

[prideknights]

(What we have in mind for now are black dragons, with low density silver glitter, silver enamel, so that the pride flag pops)

[corrodedparadox]

Been planning on doing woven tapestries in the future and I’m trying to settle on a few designs I think would translate well. Would yall fuck with these as tapestries? Or does something else catch your eye

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 1: Dread on Arrival

(Part 2)

[too-much-tma-stuff]

This idea sort of burst out of me like Alien so it's unedited. There will probably be more.

In short, Cas picks up on the fact that Danny is pregnant at a Wayne Gala and have the right idea but the wrong context.

Masterpost

------

Danny was barely holding it together and really he had been for a long time. It had sort of been fun and games at first when he became a hero. Sure his accident had hurt like hell but he'd sort of repressed that and for real? Lunch Lady? Box Ghost? Even Skulker was sort of a joke and he hasn't actually felt threatened. Sneaking around behind his parents backs and sneaking out with his friends had been fun. It had all felt like a game at first, and then somewhere in there things had gotten very real.

He'd known he couldn't count on his family to protect him but they couldn't even see Vlad was a threat. And he felt like he had lost the last of his innocence when he saw the clone Vlad had made of him melt. He hasn't been in time, he had panicked and he had only managed to save a couple by taking them into his own body to shield their still forming cores. Ellie and... should Danny name the other one or would he name himself when he was ready?

He kept touching his stomach over where he could feel the little balls of his mirror children hovering just below his own core. He was so tired all the time as they relied on his energy, he was eating more then ever and he knew his family was worried. He didn't think he could hide this and he couldn't predict when they would emerge. What if they did in front of his parents? They definitely wouldn't react well. And Vlad kept trying to use this against Danny. Promising to look after him and the babies if he was really insisting on carrying them, as if Danny could rip those tiny 'lives' out of himself now.

And no matter how many times he tried to tell his parents that Vlad was bad news, that he creeped Danny out and made him feel unsafe they wouldn't listen! Dad didn't even hear him and mom made sympathetic noises and then told him to bear with it for Jack's sake because he didn't have many friends.

So of course when Vlad had asked if 'Daniel' could accompany him to a gala in Gotham his father had agreed! Even his mother had agreed when Vlad promised it would be educational and safe! And here Danny was, hanging on by a fucking thread in a suit that felt uncomfortably tight around his middle, having just escaped being paraded around as Vlad heir like a particularly expensive watch. He was behind the snack table having piled a plate as high as he could and scarfing it down before Vlad could find him again and scold him for being rude. He hadn't noticed yet that a family of dark haired socialites kept giving him worried looks. A young woman with dark eyes signing frantically to a man with blue eyes and a dimpled frown.

It was the man who slid up carefully next to Danny trying not to startle since he seemed to have genuine food aggression.

"Yeesh kid you seem like you're starving! All those fancy Hors d'oeuvres are fun but not very cooling and I feel like I'd be a poor host if I didn't offer you something more filling! If you'll come me to the kitchen I'm sure our family butler would be happy to whip something up for you?" The man said with an inviting some that did nothing to sooth the way Danny's hackles raised instinctively.

He was about to say no on reflex when he spotted Vlad heading towards them with an expression like a thunder cloud. Danny's back went ridged and the other man followed his gaze with a frown. "You know what ya that sounds great let's go now!" Danny said dropping his half full plate on a nearby tray and dragged the stranger away with him as Vlad shouted after him.

"Daniel come back this instant! Unhand mister Wayne! Daniel this is unacceptable!"

'Mr. Wayne' took over leading them and spirited Danny through a back door as a bubbly blonde intercepted Vlad and a small woman slid in behind them like a shadow.

"So, Danial I assume?" The man asked, amusement crinkling around his eyes as Danny grimaced.

"Mr. Wayne I assume?" Danny returned, unaware of the way one arm was protectively wrapped around his stomach, but the girl noticed. It was Dicks turn to grimace.

"Okay ya, I go by Dick. What about you?"

"Danny," he said not reacting to the name, he'd heard far stranger. "And what about you?" He asked Cas, startling Dick a little because she was doing her 'shadow thing' and not many people would have noticed her.

"That's Cas, she has a hard time talking sometimes," Dick explained as Cas materialized and gave Danny a reassuring smile and wave.

The teen harrumphed but he did follow them down to the kitchen where Alfred was drinking a cup of tea, staying well clear of the foolishness upstairs. "Ah, hello young masters," Alfred he said, glancing between the three with a raised brow. Though the two who knew him could see the way his expression softened when Danny shrunk in on himself. "What can I do for you?"

"Hey Alfred do we have any leftovers from dinner or something filling we can whip up fast? Danny here is too hungry for just the fancy font for upstairs." Dick asked cheerfully.

Alfred raised his eyebrows again and looked at Cas who was standing behind Danny. Glancing at Danny to make sure he wasn't looking she grimaced then touched her stomach and mimed holding an infant.

Alfred's expression turned stormy for just a moment then smoothed. "Of course we do, Why don't you make our guest comfortable and I'll see what I can do. Do you have any allergies young man?" Alfred asked and Danny shook his head mutely.

"You're the best Alfie!" Dick said, hovering a hand over Danny's shoulder rather then actually touching him as he leas him towards the comfortable breakfast nook.

The boy seemed tight lipped and gaunt, his eyes flicking around them as if he expected a threat to pop up at any time. Dick slipped into the booth across from him. Trying to think of the best way to ask this kid how... why, and who hurt him.

Cas has stayed in the kitchen, but not for long. She came to them with a tray of mugs moments later and slipped into the booth next to Danny. Gently she took his hands and pressed the warm mug unto them. He blinked and focused of it, as if on autopilot he lifted it to his lips, Cas keeping a hand on his elbow to steady him as he drank.

The warm comforting drink, and hand on his arm, presence by his side as Cas slid imperceptibly closet and closer till she was pressed against Danny's shoulder, felt like they were taking him apart from the inside. Thawing out the cold numbness he shielded himself behind. Half way through his tea he glanced up, at the worried blue eyes so like Jazz, so worried and warm.

He put down the mug suddenly as a sob shook his body. Cas wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, cooing comforting wordless little sounds as she let him bury his face into her chest and just sob heaving, exhausting outbursts of repressed emotion.

"Are the babies okay?" She asked and he froze, his breath catching in his throat. She clicked her tongue and rocked him gently. "Okay, okay, not in trouble," she promised.

"They- I don't know, they were so weak, I’m trying, but I don't know if I can keep them alive." Danny sobbed lifting his hands to cover his face.

"The stress can't be helping," Dick pointed out, climbing across the table like it was nothing to sit next to them and rub Danny's back. Danny gave a little hiccupping hysterical laugh. "Do you have support, or like, do you know your options?" He asked awkwardly.

"I'm not getting rid of my babies! I don't care if the man who made them is an obsessive creep who drugged me! I love them they're MINE!" The feral protectiveness seemed to startle Dick even as Cas continued to make soothing sounds.

"Your choice, only yours," she promised. "Have help?"

Danny sniffled and shook his head. "Safe?" Another shake of the head.

"The man who... did this?" Dick asked as delicately as he could. Another hysterical laugh.

"I've tried! I've tried to tell my parents he's a creep, he's dangerous but they don't listen! My dad thinks he hung the fucking stars, mom says he's harmless. They don't believe me! I-I can't tell them about the babies. They'd make me get rid of them or worse! I can't." Danny sobbed and Cas soothed.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to." She promised. "You stay with us, you and babies safe, never have to see him again."

"Ya right. Wait, your serious? What" Danny asked, pulling back and looking at her with wide bloodshot eyes.

"She's very serious young master," Alfred said as he approached making Danny jump. there was a hard set to the old man's jaw and steal in his eyes that left no room for questions as he set a plate of eggs, sausage, and fruit in front of Danny. "Master Bruce has a foster license and is a mandatory reporter. I'm sure once he hears even a fraction of this he will insist you stay. I will prepare a room for you. Am I to assume the man who's shouting demanding your return upstairs is the source of this distress?"

Danny swallowed and nodded, Alfred nodded back and paused to rest a gloved hand gently on Danny's hair before walking away briskly.

"Eat," Cas said, nudging him gently to let go of her. "As much as you want. Still hungry? We raid Tim's secret cereal stash."

"Gasp! You know where it is? You've been holding out on me?!" Dick demanded with exaggerated betrayal and as the two started to banter Danny ate. He was glad of the distraction, of not having the attention on him as he devoured the healthy, and nutritious meal the butler had made for him. It had been a while since he'd had a good home cooked meal, it made his core feel warm and he could feel the two little echoes as his hummed.

The babies were happy too, he didn't believe these people could keep him safe from Vlad really, but this was nice. Maybe he would let them try, get a few more good meals, a respite, and maybe... maybe his parents would finally notice that something was wrong and actually stand up for him?

That was probably wishful thinking but he could hope right? there was no harm in that.

Part 2

[setmeatopthepyre]

Third Act [ now also on Ao3]

They've just evacuated the last of the factory workers when Incident Command calls for total evacuation. Structural integrity can no longer be guaranteed, everybody out. Eddie, who has their patient's other arm draped over his shoulders as they help the man limp to the nearest ambulance, grins at Buck. "Now that's what I call perfect timing."

"Yeah," Buck agrees, maybe a beat too slow, distracted by the number on the turnouts that just darted past them. The name under the 217 started with the wrong letter, the person's shoulders too narrow, height not quite right. Not that he's looking. Not that he's been looking. Not that it would matter if he was. With the enormity of the factory and the spread of the fire they have on their hands, the chances of running into a particular individual are small. Besides, if he's here, he's more than likely at the other end of the staging area, with the helicopters that are being refueled and awaiting instruction. Not that Buck's been looking. Or paying attention to any of that. At all.

They've just handed over their patient to the paramedics when their radios crackle to life once more, this time to confirm that all first responders who had entered the building are safe and accounted for.

"Thank God."

Buck turns to find Bobby has come up behind them, has clapped a hand on Eddie's shoulder, a relieved smile lighting up his face under his helmet. And. Yeah. Buck smiles with him, feels terrible for a moment for being so preoccupied when he should just be damn grateful for how their day - night, now - has panned out. Despite the enormous structure, despite how fast the fire spread, despite the upgrade from a three to a four alarm fire when it became incredibly clear the building was not up to code, despite the flammable materials housed in the far end of the structure, (despite the whir of helicopter blades overhead reminding Buck of him, despite the way he had to force himself not to stop and listen when a headcount for the 217 went out over the radio) they got everyone out alive. Some of the factory workers were in critical condition, others would be touch-and-go for a while, but they got them out alive and that was all any of them could ask for.

Perhaps it was too big an ask.

There had been a few moments in Buck's life in which he'd wondered if the universe had it out for him, was just waiting for him to be happy, let down his guard a little, so that it could pull the rug out from under him and send him sprawling. Choking on breadsticks on Valentine's Day. Choking on blood at his own welcome back party. Choking on his own nickname in his own loft as. As he walked out the door.

It feels like he's choking again. Buck watches the faces around him fall when dispatch tells them they were wrong, that there's still two people inside, on the top floor. When the IC responds that there's nothing to be done, the lower floors are ready to cave in, it's too unsafe. When a familiar voice crackles over the radio, saying there's a chance, if they land a helicopter on the roof, get the last two people out from there. That he'll do it.

"Absolutely not, firefighter pilot Kinard. That roof is ready to go any minute now, and you want to land a bird on it? That's a suicide mission. Stand down, that's an order."

There's a static crackle, as if someone, as if he, is weighing his options before he speaks. Buck doesn't breathe. Doesn't think he could if he wanted to.

"If there's any chance they can be saved, I have to try."

And Bobby meets his eyes, still tries, "Buck-", but they both know there's no version of this moment in which Buck doesn't grimace apologetically, doesn't turn, doesn't run faster than he's ever ran before.

He's gone, long strides, lungs burning, everyone and everything he passes a blur. He bumps into someone, yells "Sorry!", he thinks, isn't actually sure that's what he does, eyes set on the rotor blades looming dark against the orange cast of the fire in the distance. It's hard to tell if they're moving, what with how the light shifts in the dark, what with how his vision has become narrowed to that single point, and the dull roar in his ears could be his own blood pounding, could be the commotion that comes with a scene like this, could the be panic rising like bile in his throat.

For one insane moment, he thinks he can hear the sweeping crescendo of an orchestra, thinks, hysterically, like sprinting through an airport in the third act of a romcom. Thinks, I should tell Tommy. Realizes what he's hearing is that dull roar shifting into the high whine of rotor blades gaining momentum and thinks, Oh, god, Tommy. And then, in a blink, he's fighting the dust in his eyes and being buffeted by wind and his hands find purchase on the titanium hull and he's hauling himself inside.

With the wind gone, it's like he's suspended in stillness for a moment. Stillness, not silence, because helicopters are loud and the sound is everywhere, like a physical sensation. Or maybe that's just how it feels to be in close proximity with Tommy again. Tommy, who is staring straight ahead, punching buttons, flipping a switch, and Buck isn't sure Tommy's even aware of his presence until Tommy's reaching back, headset in hand, not looking at him at all, gaze still firmly on the dashboard.

Even when Buck has the headset on, the roar of the engine finally dropping away, Tommy doesn't acknowledge him immediately. The set of his shoulders is stiff, determined, defensive. He lets out a sigh. "What are you doing here, Buck?"

Buck carefully ignores the name, ignores the way Tommy still can't look at him. Squares his shoulders, even if Tommy can't see it. "I'm going with you."

There is a moment in which Tommy doesn't respond, simply finishes the last of his pre-flight checks. When he speaks, his voice is carefully deadpan. "You know we're probably going to die out there."

Buck can't help it, shoots back before he can think about it. "Figured this way I can prove I want you to be my last."

It works. Finally, Tommy turns. Meets his eyes. Breathes out. "Evan."

And Buck knows it's a ridiculous moment to smile, but it's like a weight falls away from him and he can feel his chest expand in a way it hasn't been able to since "See you around, Buck."

"Like you said," he amends. "If there's a chance at all, I have to try."

Buck doesn't think he's imagining the spark of hope in Tommy's eyes, the twitch of a smile, before Tommy turns back to his controls and the ground falls away beneath them.

[hyperfixatinator]

Where is the line?

In the comics, Tim Drake's moral code is an enigma to me, particularly his stance on the Batclan's no-kill rule. For all the fans who say he's always one step away from full blown villainy, there are even more saying he's a strict goody two-shoes who could never stoop that low.

Then there's the different takes on where Tim draws the line between these two extremes. Personally, I find that line hard to pinpoint. Digging for canon demonstrations of his morals has lead me to more questions than answers. My biggest question right now is:

What counts as breaking the no-kill rule in Tim's eyes?

Luckily, the Robins 2021 comics shed some light on this. In issue #3, "Tim", or rather an imposter of him, said that choosing not to save someone isn't the same as killing them, and that letting a villain die can be a way to get justice. Normally, this point would be moot since it's not Tim himself who said it. However, at the end of issue #6, the real Tim clarified that what the imposter said WAS his real opinion on the matter.

Not only that, but Tim has shown this belief through his thoughts and actions before. Twice.

The first time goes all the way back to Robin 1991 #5. During the fight against King Snake, Tim kicked him through a nearby window, fifty stories above the ground. As King Snake's life hung in the balance, Shiva appeared and commanded Tim to kill him.

Tim refused. He walked away, leaving King Snake entirely at Shiva's mercy.

What gets me is that Tim made no move to save King Snake from falling. And he made no effort to stop Shiva from committing the murder, either. His only thought as he heard the man's scream was "Fifty stories is a long way to fall."

The second time was in Red Robin 2009 #26. Tim orchestrated a whole plan to manipulate Captain Boomerang into getting killed by Mr. Freeze. The whole time, Tim blamed Captain Boomerang for making all those bad choices, despite Tim being the one raising the chances of them being made. Tim believed he was innocent because he wasn't directly participating.

Tim then stopped that plan, but not for any noble reason. He decided that he couldn't let anyone else kill Captain Boomerang but himself.

Tim couldn't bring himself to do that, either. So he had to spare his father's killer in the end.

This seems pretty cut and dry so far, right? Tim believing that letting villains die is alright as long he doesn't do the deed himself? I'd think so too, if there weren't other moments contradicting this.

In Robin #35, Steph insisted on leaving an enemy who got buried under the snow to die. Tim chastised her for it.

Neither of them were responsible for the snow, or for the enemy getting trapped in it. Plus, that guy tried to kill them with a chainsaw moments prior, so he's not exactly an innocent damsel in distress.

Maybe it was because this enemy wasn't a big enough fish to fry. We didn't really get confirmation that this guy has actually killed before, and he's around goon status at best.

But then in Robin #46, Tim chose to save another enemy who got himself into a deadly situation. That enemy was a murderer known as Young El. This time, Tim wasn't telling anyone else why they should save a murderer's life out loud. These were his private thoughts.

Notice how Tim's inner monologue sounded kind of on-the-fence. He contemplated justice finally catching up with Young El as the floorboards gave way, bringing a support beam down on him in the process.

However, Tim immediately switched gears to rescue Young El from under that beam before the water rose too high.

But Tim, as he told Young El the reasons he's saving him, asked himself "Do I even believe what I'm saying?" He could be asking this about two different things he said here. A) "Maybe it's not too late for you to learn something, Young El.", or B) "Death's easier for you when it's the other guy. Death's never been easy for me."

For Tim to doubt his belief in either of these statements is very interesting. He could be questioning if Young El is already too far gone for redemption, or he could be questioning if seeing someone die has never been easy for himself. For all we know, it could be both.

Unfortunately, Tim never got to see if his choice to save him would pay off. Tim wasn't strong enough to lift that beam, and Young El drowned.

There's a question on my mind as I read these pages. What makes this murderer's death different from when Tim let King Snake fall to his "death"? Sure, King Snake didn't actually die, but Tim didn't know that until later when the man came looking for revenge in Gotham.

Tim was once able to simply walk away from what he was certain would be a killer's demise. But then he's consumed by guilt over not being able to prevent a different killer's death down the line, to the point of hallucinating.

On top of that, what changed Tim's mind later? Red Robin #26 and Robins 2021 #3-6 still happened in the future. The only significant difference I can tell is that these two comics involved the killer's of Tim's parents, making it personal. But if the Imposter from Robins 2021 got his beliefs from his profile before his mother's killer got involved, then does that still hold up?

Maybe we should put a pin on it for now. There are other things Tim's done that brings the details of his no-kill rule into question.

Such as that one time Tim actually killed someone with his bare hands.

In Robin issues #51-52, Tim accidentally killed Lady Shiva while drugged on amarilla, a plant that enhances the user's speed beyond human limitations.

It may be argued if the amarilla altered Tim's mind enough to excuse him of fault or not. However, I want to focus on what happened after Shiva was revived. Here's another question to go with the first one:

Does Tim believe the kill still counts if the victim was revived afterwards?

From what I've gathered, yes and no. It's kind of complicated.

After Tim killed Shiva, he was understandably distressed about it, about how he can never take it back.

But after Shiva came back to life? Nothing. He didn't dwell on the fact he broke the vow to never kill. For something that devastating to happen in his life, it's odd that Tim didn't bring it up ever again, privately or otherwise. Especially considering what happened later in Robin #123, when Tim thought he killed Johnny Warlock.

Tim was utterly inconsolable. He lost all faith in his abilities as Robin, and in himself as a whole. It also contributed to his decision to quit being Robin after his dad found out. In general, he seriously dwelled on that "kill" for a much longer time than he had after killing Shiva. The difference being that he knew Shiva was resuscitated immediately afterwards, while Tim didn't know Johnny survived until issue #141.

But there's the fact that Shiva really did die. Her heart and breathing both stopped. So are we to believe Tim moved on from that so easily because she's alive now? What happened to never getting that back?

Come to think of it, not long after Tim killed and revived Shiva, there was someone else who landed in that same boat. Dick.

In Joker: The Last Laugh #6, Dick brutally attacked the Joker after believing he killed Tim. Dick ended up accidentally killing Joker instead, before the clown was resuscitated.

Here's the thing. While Tim was trying to comfort Dick, saying that it's ok because Joker's alive now, Dick didn't believe so. He was still distraught that he killed someone. The fact Joker came back to life afterwards didn't matter to him. To Dick, it still counted. So what does that say about Tim?

Before we move on, there's another person Tim knows who also died and came back from the grave. Jason.

Tim openly acknowledged Jason was killed before coming back, too. Multiple times. For example, when they met up in Red Hood and the Outlaws 2011 #8.

Tim hadn't shown any signs that he thinks Jason's murder doesn't count anywhere, except for maybe once.

In Knight Terrors: Robin #2, Tim and Jason had a heart-to-heart, and Tim said something strange.

"You survived."

Except Jason didn't survive. He died. To say Jason survived that night would've meant he never died to begin with. Him being alive now doesn't change that. Was this Tim telling a white lie to make Jason feel better? Or does Tim see being revived after death as "surviving"?

Ok, now we can move onto the next question. Or rather, bear with me as we go back to the first question. It's a broad topic with plenty more to talk about.

What does Tim count as breaking the no-kill rule?

We already asked how Tim feels about bringing villains back from the dead after killing them. And we asked how Tim feels about leaving a villain to die without getting directly involved. However, we still don't know how much involvement Tim needs to have in an enemy's death before he'll take responsibility for it.

We can confirm he won't mercy kill in Red Robin #21, even if it means giving someone a fate worse than death. No exceptions.

Tim also doesn't allow anyone he's actively teaming up with to kill, especially if he's the one in command. He's been amicable with known killers before (Huntress and Pru, for example), but only when they remain non-lethal while working alongside him.

Apart from that, though, it becomes less clear. However, I think this is a good place to expand on when Tim blew up a lot of League of Assassins bases in Red Robin #8.

I'm not going into whether or not those explosions actually killed anyone. I've seen evidence supporting both sides of this debate, so I'm just going to say it's up to interpretation. What I AM talking about is whether or not Tim would've felt responsible if they had killed someone.

Before overloading every generator in the LOA database, Tim gave a warning to the Wanderer. He told her that he couldn't be held responsible for what would happen to her if she didn't leave.

After initiating the explosions, Tim warned the White Ghost that they had fifteen seconds to leave before it was too late.

Fifteen seconds. That explanation on the mistake of letting him in might've taken roughly another fifteen to twenty seconds. Did the other bases even get a full minute head start? The way some of the people were already running away could imply they at least got a warning, but it's possible they might not have.

Even if everyone in every base received a warning, would that be enough for Tim to avoid holding himself accountable if they didn't make it out in time? Tim's the one who rigged the bases to explode, but I guess giving someone a warning means it's now their fault for not heeding it?

We can't be sure he even considered the possibility of those explosions killing anyone. Tim knew they were dangerous enough to bring the whole Cradle down, and the other ones we saw looked pretty powerful (except the ones in Ra's hideout). But Tim also called Ra's a murderer right after that happened, which would've been very hypocritical if Tim himself thought he committed murder.

So, my guess is either A) Tim relied on sheer luck for those explosions not causing any casualties and chose to believe they hadn't, or B) Tim didn't believe the deaths of anyone caught in them would be his fault.

Again, this isn't about whether or not blowing up the LOA bases killed anyone. It's about how willing Tim was to take that risk, and if he would've blamed himself for anyone getting killed from it.

Either way, it's canon that Tim had no guilt for the explosions he caused, or for anything he did before Red Robin #22. Just ask the Sword of Sin.

This is an exerpt I got from the Fandom DC Database on the Sword of Sin:

"The Sword of Sin can be ignited with the mind of the wielder, if the person is powerful enough. The sword has the ability to conjure in the mind its victims all of the sins for which they are guilty or have not atoned for."

When Tim was stabbed with this sword, he was immune. The Sword of Sin decided he was innocent. Although, I have to ask how reliable this sword was in making that judgement. If the sword is judging others based on its own set principles, then something's not right here.

The Sword of Sin was also used on Dick, and he wasn't immune. It dug into Dicks subconscious and unearthed memories he'd long since repressed. Memories of himself watching a boy get beaten to near death, and then doing nothing. He just walked away.

Now, tell me why the sword brought this to light, but not the time Tim left King Snake to die!

It wasn't an accident. Tim deliberately chose to leave instead of trying to save this man from the murderous Lady Shiva. Sure, Tim was no match for Shiva and he might've not been able to stop her, but the same could be said for an eight year old Dick not stopping a group of much older kids. Neither of them tried to stop the attackers.

Tim didn't atone for it, either. When King Snake returned in Batman #469, Bruce told King Snake that it wasn't Tim who left him to die. We know that's a lie, but Tim never corrected this. He let Shiva take all the blame.

We have two instances of a boy choosing not to prevent someone from having a near death experience. One guilty, and one innocent.

Did the Sword of Sin think Tim was justified because King Snake was corrupt? That doesn't sound holy to me.

Was it because Tim didn't feel any guilt over it, while Dick did? Can the sword's judgement be thrown off by the victim not feeling any shred of guilt over their actions, even subconsciously?

That could make sense given what we know Tim did in the past: King Snake falling, the vandalism (explosions), and ALL the lying over the years (Tim reviving Shiva might count as atonement, so I'm not including that). If the sword based its judgement on God's will alone, then odds are high it would've picked up on one of these.

Even so, I'm not going to sit here and say this is definitely the case. I'm not familiar enough with how the sword effects other characters to make that call.

If this is indeed false, then did the DC universe's version of God decide to pardon Tim of his sins when he prayed earlier that same issue, despite him not believing he had any? I mean, who knows, right?

You can probably see why there's more questions than answers. The point is Tim didn't have any guilt for the things he did before Red Robin #22. Tim was canonically convinced he had nothing to atone for.

So then why did he say the opposite later in Knight Terrors: Robin #2?!

In the heart-to-heart between Tim and Jason, Tim tells him this:

"You have a lot to atone for...We all do..."

Tim knows that the words "we all" include him, right? By saying this, Tim admitted to also having things he needs to atone for, right?

Is this another white lie to make Jason feel better? Is it one of those slight changes the New 52 made to the canon? If not, then why did he change his mind? Did his no-kill rule change and make him feel guilty for some past actions? Is it not the no-kill rule, but something else?

What changed?!

Where does Tim draw the line?

I don't know. We've narrowed it down to a general area, but it's kinda hard to see a line when it's so blurred it could be a gradient.

Tim baffles me. He acts as a steady moral compass for others when he can't even seem to stay consistent with his own. You're free to call it poor writing (and honestly, fair), but I find his hypocrisy fascinating.

That's what it is, isn't it? Tim's a hypocrite who's completely oblivious to being one. And it's not like this was never mentioned in the comics before. Damian called him out on it!

In Batman & Robin 2011 #10, Damian confronted Tim about his near-murderous reaction when Fist Point killed Artemis (Teen Titans Vol 4 annual #1). Damian then accused Tim of constantly rejecting him because they have more in common than Tim's willing to admit.

It's debatable how accurate that accusation was, but Tim had a pretty volatile reaction to it.

"I believe in every choice I make!"

Does he? I don't think someone who's so sure of what he believes in would contradict himself to this extent. Especially if he wasn't doing it on purpose.

He wouldn't vehemently push Bruce's no-kill rule onto others and berate them for bending that rule, only to go and bend that same rule himself when the Batclan isn't around. He also wouldn't exploit what he thinks are loopholes, decide later that those loopholes broke the no-kill rule, and then earnestly claim he never broke it.

Why is he like this?! He's had arguably the most normal childhood out of the whole Batclan before becoming Robin! What could've made him so fickle about this?!

Where does he draw the line? And how will he know when he's crossed it?

[araneapeixes]

hey im trying to be good and keep the nsfw goods for my patreon homies buttt i was doing some style experimentation here and I like how it came out :^) Full under the cut

[xx-sketchy-xx]

*Audible plop of me dropping this in front of you*

so uh, ya, idk what to think of it (by @Henneyyy on tic toc)

[leclerity]

stupid gets you killed

Charles Leclerc x Girlfriend!Reader count: 1.1k words summary: Charles and you have an emotional conversation after his reckless driving at a race. a/n: a short but angsty one, with a happy ending!

It could’ve been the end.

The way it felt, it almost was.

You watch as the red of the Ferrari and the green of the Aston Martin come close, inches apart, with Stroll nearly putting it in the back of your boyfriend’s car. Everyone around you gasps and for a split second, you see them touch and Charles’s car fly off into the grandstands – but that doesn’t happen. They don’t touch. Charles drives away unscathed, though you know that won’t be the end of it.

“That was too close,” says Arthur, shaking his head at the screen.

“He won’t like this too much,” you say and grab a pair of headphones lying around, listening in.

Everything is okay with the car, Bryan Bozzi says.

That was not okay! Charles screams. Who does he think he is?! Driving like an idiot… He should know better!

Keep your head calm, you’ve got forty laps to go.

You take off the headphones and tell Arthur what you just overheard. He shakes his head again, but you both know there’s nothing the two of you can do about it. Charles has been under pressure, ready to burst at any given moment, running second in the championship with maybe—maybe—a chance at something more. Anything that threatens it… Well, it throws him off.

You’re just waiting for the moment it happens.

The race keeps running, you listen in to the radio every so often, and his complaints and agitation are getting more obvious. He’s driving riskier, not caring enough about tyre management, and there’s a few moments when his car gets a little too close to another car.

He finishes in fourth. It’s not where he wanted to be but it’s better than out of the race, you tell yourself. There was a few moments where you held your breath, waiting to see if the anger is going to slip into careless mistakes, and it made you angry. Your boyfriend is better than this.

When he finishes the race, you run straight into his arms. “You did so well! I’m proud of you.”

“I could’ve done better,” he says.

“I know,” you say, and kiss him again. “Next time.”

Charles kisses you, too, before going to speak to others in the garage, keeping one eye on you at all times. You know he’s being hard on himself, but you see his clenched jaw, sunken shoulders, and you know this is going to be a tougher one than usual.

He’s in your orbit the most of the evening, glancing at you even when he’s in the media pen. You can hear some of the questions he’s being asked and a lot of them are about the incident and about his dangerous driving he nearly got a penalty for, and you can already hear the regret in his voice. He looks at you every time it comes up, as if he already knows how much it upset you.

At your side, Arthur gives you a nudge. “Are you going to talk some sense into him when you’re back at the hotel?”

“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.”

“That was scary.”

You nod. “Too scary. I get the pressure and all, but…”

“Yeah,” Arthur says, “I don’t want to feel like I might lose my brother because he’s being angry and stupid.”

When you get home, you get dinner – he does the perfunctory celebrations and goes back to the hotel, where you’re waiting with him with your guys’ favourite takeaway. He had some time to hang out with the other drivers and now it’s time to hang out with you… But not before you give him a piece of mind.

He knows something’s wrong the moment he enters the hotel room.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” you say.

He frowns. “Okay. You sure?”

You give him a long look.

Charles sits down next to you, looking exhausted but ready to devour the food – but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits with his elbows on his knees, hands held together. “It’s the race.”

“Mhm.”

“That’s why you’re giving me attitude.”

“Mhm.”

“Is it because of the Stroll incident?”

You shake your head. He should know better and he does, it will just take him a moment.

He sighs and leans into the couch, a defeated look on his face. “I should’ve handled it better, right?”

“Yeah.” You put a hand on his thigh. “Driving like that, Charles… You could’ve gotten hurt.”

“I would’ve been fine.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Babe—”

“Don’t babe me,” you say, shaking your head. “You got angry and…. Anger makes you stupid. Stupid gets you killed.”

Charles opens his mouth and closes it, knowing fair well that there’s nothing he could say in his defence that would make you change your mind. He sees it all on your face, you know it – the terror you’d gone through waiting to see if his anger will make him slip up, make a mistake; the threat of losing him.

He takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it, before placing it on his chest, right where his heart is. “Y/N,” he says, gently. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me.”

“I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know.”

“It frightens me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I just—The thought of you—”

“I know. C’mere.”

Charles gives your hand a gentle tug and then your head is on his chest and his arms are wrapped around you, keeping you warm and safe. “I’m sorry for scaring you. My job is scary, but I shouldn’t make it any more difficult than it already is.”

He kisses the top of your head and you feel a few tears escaping down your cheeks, and he holds you even tighter.

“I’ll be less angry next time, I promise,” he whispers. “Less stupid. For you. Okay?”

You nod instead of answering, and he pulls your chin up with a gentle finger, and then he’s wiping your tears and kissing you gently, promising over and over again to never make you feel like that again – and he doesn’t.

[elderscrollsconfessions]

i am so tired of all the cicero thirst. he is arguably the most annoying character in skyrim. his voice is heinous, he's so small u could squash him like a bug (this is not a good thing), he's a clown, he looks so awful, like run over by a horse awful. i think everyone who likes him has, quite possibly, the worst taste in the world.

[atthecenterofeverything]

the essay is finally out!

in which I try to delineate a harm reduction approach to self-harm and a rejection of capitalistic conceptions of cutting, substance use and other behaviors parsed as self-harm; in opposition to the imposed necessity of recovery, sobriety, and the monitoring (self-imposed or not) in all discussions of self-harm.

full body autonomy for cutters now!

[whimstories]

Recent DTIY for a ✨fantastic✨ artist on the 🐦 site.

I SWEAR I'm back to learning color this time LOL I'm focusing on re-calibrating my relationship with art so I'm less a perfectionist and more about the journey. Therefore, I will be adamant about finishing more pieces. I fumbled through this quite a bit since I'm a baby artist who is still experimenting. So I think I'll need to make even simpler pieces to gain speed and confidence going forward. I tried my best for this round and I'm pretty happy with that ☺️

[justalittlelilac]

Three days.

You had three days to tell Qiu Lin you were in love with them.

Part 1, Part 2 Word Count: 4,045 CW: Subtle references to depression and drug use

You rounded the corner of the Lin residence, feeling slightly worse for wear. Sleep had been the enemy after last night's interaction with your best friend. You had tossed and turned like a ship in a stormy sea, waves of thoughts crashing against the fragile hull of your mind until fatigue dragged you under its murky waters around 5 a.m.

Even now, your mind was still anchored in the hideout, replaying the moments over and over like an old, silent film on repeat. You shook your head, trying to dispel the lingering fog, and pushed onward, kicking at the blanket of autumn leaves under your feet as if somehow that could bolster you.

It did not.

The crisp air nipped at your cheeks, sharp as a knife, and the earthy scent of decaying leaves filled your nostrils, a bittersweet reminder of the season slipping away. You inhaled deeply, but the cold air only seemed to tighten the knot in your chest.

The front door of the Lin house loomed before you, and your hand hesitated on the doorknob, fingers curling around the cold metal. From inside, you could hear laughter echoing through the walls, and the warm, savory scent of cooked food seeped through the cracks, filling the air with the comfort of cinnamon, sage, and roasting turkey.

This shouldn't be so hard, you thought. For years now, you and your mom, the Baumanns, and the Lins had shared Thanksgiving together. It began that very first Thanksgiving after you moved to Golden Grove when you'd confided in Qiu that it would be just you and your mom for the holiday—no one else. No distant relatives, no friends from before.

Qiu, being Qiu, had taken it upon themselves to make sure no one felt left out that Turkey Day. They always felt responsible for everyone's happiness back then, as if their arms were wide enough to gather the whole world in a hug, always feeling like it was their duty.

Luckily for you, that kindness had extended to your small family.

You still didn't know how they had convinced their parents, but the three families gathered around a shared table every year since then. Your mom had expressed her gratitude a hundred times, but you always felt a quiet relief mixed with something more—something you had never quite dared to name.

With a steadying breath, you turned the knob and stepped inside, the warm air embracing you immediately like a soft blanket. From the entryway, voices drifted in from the kitchen, mingling with the soft drone of a TV playing in the background. Your eyes traveled to the couch, where Mr. Baumann, Tamarack's grandfather, was already snoozing—his head tipped back, mouth slightly open, newspaper on his lap in a nap born of habit now that he was actually retired, not turkey-induced drowsiness.

You began to take off your shoes, your gaze wandering toward the dining room. The table was already set, the plates gleaming under the soft light of the chandelier, the silverware perfectly aligned. The Lins were hosting this year, just as you and your mom had hosted last year, and the Baumanns the year before that.

Everything seemed as it always was—perfectly in place—but something felt off-kilter, like a picture hanging slightly askew.

Suddenly, a voice cut through your thoughts.

"You're late!" Before you could even register the words, you were pulled into a warm hug, the familiar scent of vanilla and cinnamon wrapping around you like a favorite old sweater.

"Tamarack!" you exclaimed, pulling back just enough to look at her. "I thought you were going to be in Florida for Thanksgiving?"

Tamarack smiled faintly, her fingers nervously tugging at the cuff of her cardigan. The sight of her made your heart swell. She'd cut her hair, and it fell in soft waves just above her shoulders, the vibrant red catching the light in a way that made it glow like embers in a fireplace. You'd always loved how her hair seemed to blaze like that, and seeing her now, you realized just how much you'd missed her presence.

"I was, but… Dad had this academic convention thing, and—" she paused, her eyes flicking downward. "Well, you know how it is."

You gave her a tight-lipped smile, understanding all too well. You rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently, offering a silent reassurance that you knew she needed. Tamarack had heard enough complaints about her parents from you over the years. You'd save it this time.

"Well, their loss because I get you all to myself then," you teased, lightening the mood, and Tamarack laughed softly, fanning your hand away with a mock frown.

"Hey, not true! I'm here too," came Qiu's voice, clear and bright, cutting through the air like a sunbeam as they emerged from the kitchen at the end of the hallway. Your heart stumbled in your chest, further tangling your thoughts with last night's almost-confession.

You found a crack in the entryway tile incredibly interesting as they approached. "I've been waiting for you," they stated casually, and your eyes snapped up.

I have been waiting for you, not we. You couldn't help the little giddiness you felt that, in turn, made you cringe internally.

"Well, here I am," you said coolly, shrugging and fanning your hands at your sides sarcastically.

Qiu laughed, "Yes, I can see that. Your mom said you were up late? Did your test go okay?" Their dark eyes widened slightly as if in concern.

The expression sent your heart leaping into your throat. Damn it. What would normally be an easy response escaped you in a choked grunt, and you mentally kicked yourself for being such a baby.

"Oh, uh, yeah! It went fine, just stress—y'know," you stammered lamely. From the corner of your eye, Tamarack's gaze oscillated between the two of you. Then, her red eyes narrowed as if trying to read between the lines of a page that wasn't meant for her.

You could practically feel her thoughts buzzing, and it took everything in you to not pinch her to keep whatever she was about to say to herself. She had an uncanny ability to sniff out your lies from a mile away. You were sure she'd known how you felt about Qiu for a long time, even though you'd never explicitly discussed it.

"You three going to loiter about or make yourselves useful?" Granny's voice rang out from the kitchen, halting Tamarack in her tracks. All three of you tensed like deer caught in headlights.

"Coming!" You answered in unison before all but running down the hall to help. The moment you crossed the threshold, it felt like you'd stepped back in time.

The warm, familiar kitchen space was bustling with activity. Mrs. Lin stood at the stove, expertly maneuvering pots. Mr. Lin stirred gravy on the other side, his brow furrowed in concentration. There was even a small army of Tupperware and bowls covering every spare countertop.

Your nose twitched at the scent of rosemary, sage, and basil swirling together. They made space for your mom, who was removing her homemade rolls from the oven heat with a pair of bright red mitts. You smirked slightly.

The Lins' kitchen had always been a place of warmth and comfort, even from the first moment you stepped into it so many years ago. It was a living memory, a scrapbook filled with laughter and the smells of comfort.

The walls were painted in a soft, buttery yellow that glowed under the warm overhead lights, and the cabinets were made of rich wood that matched the worn, well-loved floorboards. The windows were always open, letting in fresh autumnal air and fading light that reflected off the various mahogany accents scattered around the room.

It was a kitchen you associated with homework at the counter, with secret snacks during sleepovers, and with being shooed out of the back door by Mrs. Lin as she cooked. You'd snuck in that same backdoor on late nights as much as you and Qiu had been chased out of it. There's a reason why some people say the kitchen is the heart of the house.

As silly as it sounded, it felt like your own heart was beating in sync with every bubbling pot and crackling pan.

"You sure you even need help? Seems like we'd just be in the way," you chuckled. Sitting at the counter, Granny turned and wagged her finger at you with mock sternness.

"Nonsense, you kids—excuse me, adults—need to be put to work," she insisted. "Here, egg duty for the three of you. I need to make sure Opa isn't sleeping again. I swear, he'd miss the whole day if it wasn't for me," she grumbled before rising and making her escape.

"She knows Opa is going to be asleep. She just did that to get out of her own work," Tamarack murmured with a sigh. For a moment, she looked like a younger version of Granny—her expression, the way she crossed her arms, her wry smile. You'd heard it a thousand times before—how Tamarack had more of Granny in her than either of her parents. You couldn't help but smile at the resemblance, preferring it.

Tamarack grabbed an egg from the bowl, tapping it lightly against the granite counter before beginning to peel it. You and Qiu shared a look and, with a resigned shrug, formed a makeshift assembly line. Tamarack peeled the eggs, Qiu sliced them in half and scooped out the yolks, and you mixed the filling, stirring in mayo, mustard, and paprika before spooning it back into the waiting whites.

The three of you slipped into an easy rhythm, light conversation flowing between you. You laughed over things you'd seen on the internet, movies you'd recently watched, and memories of past Thanksgivings. For a moment, it was easy to pretend that nothing had changed, that you were just three friends, laughing and working side by side, just like before.

But every so often, someone would mention college—an anecdote, a funny story, a new friend—and the illusion would shatter like glass, the reality slicing your skin. You had nothing to offer in these moments, nothing to relate except a smile here, a nod there, and every so often a shared huff of annoyance in reference to studying.

The eggs were finished, and so was the rest of the food. After a chaotic setting of the table—filled with jostling, teasing, and Granny's laughter echoing from the doorway—you all finally sat down to eat. The table was overflowing with dishes—classic Thanksgiving staples like turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce, but also foods that reflected your friends' heritages.

Things like mooncakes that Qiu's family would get for the Mid-Autumn Festival, but always again for this special occasion, each one delicately shaped and filled with lotus paste. Granny had brought her famous kartoffelsalat, a potato salad recipe passed down from Mr. Baumann's mother and her mother before her, all the way back to Germany.

And, of course, your mom's pumpkin pie sat in the center, much to Qiu's noticeable relief.

The table buzzed with conversation as everyone ate, voices overlapping in a warm, familiar sound. You reached for one of the rolls, but your hand collided with Qiu's at the exact same moment. They swatted your hand away with a playful grin, snatching up the last one.

"Hey!" you exclaimed, feigning outrage. Qiu just laughed, eyes twinkling with that mischief that was oh-so-them.

"Gotta be quicker than that," they teased, but in the same breath, they were tearing the roll in half, offering you a piece with a soft, almost unconscious gesture of affection.

Cheeks flaming, you took the role without even a quip, which was unusual—normally, you never let Qiu have the last word. Beside you, Tamarack chuckled, and you nudged her gently with your elbow.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've still got it bad, huh?" Tamarack whispered, her tone teasing. Qiu was busy explaining to Granny again what they were studying at school; their animated voice faded into the background.

"Sh-shut up!" you hissed louder than you intended. It was the first time she had ever blatantly referred to what you both knew. "Don't… don't make it obvious," you murmured in a pleading tone, and you busied your hands by cutting into your food.

Tamarack's giggle was light and knowing, her eyes dancing with amusement. "I don't think you need my help to do that," she whispered back with a smug grin. This time, you actually elbowed her, but she just laughed, clearly enjoying your discomfort.

Eventually, the conversation shifted, and you knew what was coming before anyone even opened their mouth. The topic of college and futures turned, unfortunately, to you.

"How's school?" someone asked, and you braced yourself.

"Fine," you mumbled through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, hoping the food would muffle the sound of your anxiety.

"Enjoying your classes?" Came the next question.

"Yeah, they're great!" You stated a little too brightly.

"Make any new friends?"

"Well…yeah, actually a few!" you replied, the lie sliding out of your mouth as easily as the rest.

"How's work going?"

"Livin' the dream!" you quipped, flashing a smile that felt more like a grimace.

The table laughed, but it was the same polite laughter you'd heard a hundred times before—the same interview questions, the same rehearsed answers, a tired script playing out on an endless loop.

Then Granny's voice broke through the noise, unexpected and sharp.

"So, what can you even do with that? Your degree?"

"Dorthea…" Mr. Baumann sighed beside her, his tone laced with a familiar exasperation.

"Omi!" Tamarack chided, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"What? It's an honest question!" She defended herself. "You hear about these college kids studying things they can't even live on, saddled with debt. I'm only a concerned guardian. What, especially with everything that's gone on in the past, I only wanted to make sure they're thinking it through, is all."

Her words hung in the air, cold, like someone had left the dining room window open. It sliced through the warm buzz of the room, and suddenly, it was like the Hallmark golden veneer of the moment faded to the washed-out greys you knew too well.

The table went silent except for the soft clinking of silverware against plates. Granny looked around, realizing too late that she had put her foot in her mouth. "Oh, there I go again," she murmured, sighing. "I'm not trying to be the bad guy…"

You stared at your plate, feeling…nothing. Of course, no one spoke up. They probably thought she was right, and you didn't have the energy to defend yourself. Not like when you were younger and would have reacted in venomous anger.

It wasn't like you even could defend yourself if you wanted to. School, your job, even the act of getting out of bed some days—these were all just formalities you performed so people wouldn't pry too deeply.

You didn't care what she thought. What anyone thought. To hell with them. To hell with all of it. You didn't care… so why was your stomach churning, and why couldn't you look up? Why couldn't you meet anyone's gaze?

"Whatever they want," Qiu's clear voice broke through the tension. Your eyes lifted to see them giving Granny a flat, unyielding look. "They can do whatever they want with their degree. Besides, it's not really your business at the end of the day," they finished gently but with a tone of silk over steel.

The table watched quietly as the two stared each other down. Qiu then shrugged and took a drink from their glass, dismissing it like Granny had asked about the weather.

You'd almost forgotten there was this part of Qiu. That biting, 'you're either with it or you're not' attitude. The fierce, unwavering protector, the one who was just as much the mediator as they were the one who stood their ground and didn't flinch. To bite their thumb in the face of authority when it really mattered.

It was the side that reminded you why you'd fallen in love with them in the first place.

"Qiu, that's not—" Mrs. Lin started, but Granny raised her hand, a look of contrition crossing her face.

"No, no, Qiu is right," Granny nodded, seeming to understand the unspoken line she had crossed. "I'm sorry," she said, turning back to you. "That wasn't polite of me to ask, and even if it was, I went about it very ungracefully. I know you all must think I'm full of sage wisdom at my age, but even I still make mistakes." She chuckled, and a few others followed suit, but the awkward air lingered like smoke in a closed room.

"The tree farm!" Tamarack suddenly blurted out, snapping the tension like a wishbone. You raised an eyebrow. The tree farm?

"We're going tomorrow, right?" she continued, her eyes darting around the table with earnest hope in them. Your brain finally caught up with her words. Every year since you were ten, your three families piled into cars and drove out of the city to a family-owned tree farm to cut down your Christmas trees.

It was a whole day event—an unofficial ceremony that marked the true beginning of the holiday season. When Tamarack Baumann was finally allowed to relish in and shower her Christmas cheer on everyone around. Your cul-de-sac's very own holiday cheer meister and Santa Claus.

You could almost hear her humming Christmas carols under her breath and see her grinning from ear to ear as she dragged everyone through rows of trees taller than the sky. You'd almost forgotten about it…how was that possible?

The memories flooded back, of snow-dusted laughter, steaming mugs of hot chocolate, and Qiu's smile beneath a mist of frosty breath. The moments you cherished—the warmth that filled you from the inside out, even on the coldest days.

But now, thinking about it only reminded you of how much had changed, how there was no guarantee this would happen again. How much more complicated things felt. If Tamarack hadn't said anything, would this have just been another memory that remained just that? You swallowed, trying to clear the lump that had formed in your throat.

"I don't see why not if the Lins and the Seconds are for it. It is a tradition, after all," Granny interjected, seeming to try and make up for her previous fumble.

"A tradition! Yes!" Tamarack exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she turned to you and Qiu as if the two of you were her last hope.

Qiu gave a quick nod, their smile warm, "Yeah, we definitely can't miss that."

"Great," Mr. Lin chimed in. He clasped his hands together, that quiet enthusiasm he always seemed to carry filling the air. "Us older adults can take our car. Would you be okay chauffeuring on the other end?" Mr. Lin and the rest of the table's attention fell back onto you.

"Uh, yeah, sure." You nodded, feeling a small surge of pride. It almost felt good to be old enough to be depended on, to have some small responsibility that made you feel trusted.

"I'm getting the perfect tree this year. I can feel it," Tamarack declared with confidence, eyes closed like she was already picturing the evergreen tree.

"Tamarack, last you picked a tree so tall you guys had to put it in your backyard and get another one," Qiu teased.

"That's why this year is going to be perfect. I've learned from my mistakes." She quipped back with a smirk. The table burst into laughter, and the tension that had hovered in the air just minutes ago seemed to melt away, dissolving like sugar in hot tea.

With bellies full and plenty of leftovers, the group began the ritual of cleaning up. You and Qiu were assigned dish duty while Tamarack busied herself with loading food into Tupperware for people to take home.

The kitchen had a quiet busyness about it. Every so often, you'd hear Granny or your mom laugh aloud. You and Qiu stood side by side at the sink, the warm water flowing over your hands as you washed and rinsed. Tamarack hummed behind you, working on her own task. For a moment, it was just the two of you again, the rest of the world fading into the background.

"Thanks for earlier," you mumbled, barely louder than the water, as you scraped at a stubborn piece of food on a plate. "You didn't have to—y'know—say anything."

Qiu glanced at you, their expression softening, a small smile pulling at the corners of their mouth. "Of course I did. Granny will just keep going if no one stops her, and what she said wasn't cool."

They paused for a moment, thinking about their words before speaking; their dark eyes were searching yours. "I just don't get why you always look like you're in trouble when someone brings up that kind of stuff. You're…doing great."

You handed a plate to them to be rinsed without meeting their gaze. Of course, they'd think that. You'd damned yourself to make it so.

"Right…" You only offered in response. Their hand brushed yours as they reached for the dishcloth, and your heart gave a little leap.

The contact was brief, fleeting, but it left a spark in its wake, an electricity that hummed between you like a live wire.

The dumbest thing, you thought. This was a person you'd spent the night within each other's rooms for years, sharing beds, and now you acted as if you were a Victorian who'd touched someone's hand without a glove.

Your cheeks burned, heat rushing to your face as you quickly returned to the dishes, scrubbing harder as if trying to wash away the emotions rising to the surface. The room seemed to shrink around you, the silence thickening. Qiu, usually so effortlessly chatty, was suddenly focused on a single spot on a wine glass, rubbing it over and over as if it might reveal some secret if they just polished hard enough.

It was then you noticed the absence of Tamarack's humming. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw her watching the two of you, her eyes wide, caught in the act of witnessing something unspoken.

"Oh! All done here! You guys need any help?" She stammered, scrambling to place a lid on an overfilled bowl of mashed potatoes.

"Nah, this was the last glass. I'll get the bigger stuff later," Qiu replied too quickly. Even though you offered to finish, Qiu would not be swayed. You felt the evening slipping away, an ache in your chest at the thought of it ending.

"Well…" you started, searching for an excuse, any excuse, to hold onto this moment a little longer. "I'd say we've earned ourselves a little walk, don't you think, Qiu?" You raised your eyebrows, a devil-may-care smile forming.

Qiu immediately caught your undertone and nodded with a knowing smirk. "I think you'd be right. A nice nature walk. We've earned it."

Tamarack looked between the two of you, suspicion narrowing her eyes. "A walk? I don't wanna go for a walk. Why—" Then she stopped, her eyes narrowing further. "Oh. A walk. Really?"

Qiu shrugged, playing innocent, and you simply gave a mischievous smile. "Exactly; what better time for a walk than after so much food."

Tamarack rolled her eyes with a long, exaggerated sigh. "Fine."

With a shared conspiratorial grin, the three of you slipped out the back door as if you were still teenagers sneaking away, even though you were past the age of needing anyone's permission. The forest loomed ahead, shadows thickening beneath the trees. The air felt cooler, sharper as if it were holding its breath in anticipation. Waiting for the three of you to return under it's branches.

Qiu slung an arm over your shoulder, their laughter light and carefree. You felt yourself stumble, caught between the want to lean closer and the fear of falling.

Tomorrow, you told yourself. Tomorrow, I'll say something. But for tonight, you let yourself pretend that time wasn't marching on, that it was just you and your two best friends sneaking out into the dark for a relaxing walk like nothing had changed at all.

Part 4

[copperbadge]

Routing the El

@mbta-unofficial recently "routed" the T in Boston, riding through every T stop in the city in a single day. I love public transit and random fuckery so this appealed to me instantly, but even @mbta-unofficial admitted they didn't know how they'd route the El here in Chicago. I know nothing about routing and very little about certain parts of the El even after living here as long as I have, but I'm willing to take a swing.

The first question is one of simple logistics: are we riding every stop, or every train that passes through a stop?

In other words, there are many stops that multiple lines pass through, and the question is whether it's enough to pass through each stop on a train, or do I need to ride the entirety of the line, then backtrack and hit the same stations on a different line? This wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the purple line, which is an express from Evanston that covers much of the northern red line branch and a huge whack of the brown line as well. If I'm covering lines, I almost certainly need to start with purple.

Moreover, do I include the yellow line, which is an extension built to serve basically a single suburb? It feels snobbish to ignore it; it is outside of Chicago proper but then so are several stops on the blue and green. But it also feels very Chicagoan not to acknowledge it, and it is going to be a massive pain in the ass to include because there's nothing near it. I would just be riding out to the Dempster-Skokie stop and back, or starting at Dempster-Skokie and then having to backtrack up the purple line.

Which leads to the next question: where to begin? @mbta-unofficial's route began at one of the termini, Braintree, which they traveled to get to, so in theory one could, and probably should, begin at an endpoint, but the T also isn't structured exactly like the El; there is a central exchange, but nothing as cohesive as the Loop, around which almost every line circulates and which every line at least touches except the yellow. But living downtown, I could also begin at a Loop station, or a red or blue line station that touches the Loop.

So let's set some rules for the initial run, and once that's accomplished, we'll see about adding complications.

Every station, not every line. As long as I touch every station while on a train, it counts.

However, if the stations are discrete, I have to hit them twice -- in other words, I have to touch Monroe and Jackson twice, once on the Red and once on the Blue, because the platforms are accessible to each other but separated by a passageway several blocks long. I'll have to touch Lake twice, once on the Red, because it's both elevated and underground.

I'm going to disqualify the Yellow not because it's suburban but because it doesn't touch the Loop. This is the rule I'd most likely revisit if I was going to attempt this several times.

I am also going to disqualify the purple line, not via the "loop exception" but because it will knock almost half the red line off the map for me in about a third of the time it would otherwise take, but even so having to start at Linden kind of fucks me. Given the purple line's extremely limited running time, there's an argument for disqualification, but this is another rule I'd revisit on a second attempt.

Removing the purple line makes routing a lot easier. And I think the starting point then becomes both obvious and poetic: we start at O'Hare, where it costs double to board the train.

O'Hare blue line all the way to Forest Park is an easy first leap, and from there I think it's most rational to bus to the green at Harlem/Lake and ride it all the way to Cottage Grove. From Cottage Grove, backtrack to Garfield to cover the Ashland-63rd leg of the green line, and then again back to Garfield to disembark and walk to the Garfield red line, which I can take south to 95th/Dan Ryan, then north again to Roosevelt (another two-touch stop). I can catch the Orange at Roosevelt south to Midway and back north again unless there's a fast bus to 54th/Cermak; presuming there's not, depending on stop times I can either take the Orange line back to hit any missing loop station or transfer to the Pink and then take that out to 54th/Cermak. Either way I need to get back into the Loop and catch the Brown out to Kimball, then back to Belmont (or Montrose and bus to Wilson), north to Howard, then south to Harrison on the Red line. Convenient to end at my home station -- I didn't plan it around that, but it's a nice touch.

If I really wanted to get ADHD about this I could sit down with timetables and work out ways to catch trains within the loop to shave minutes off, but El timetables are essentially worthless these days.

I think that's a functional plan. Working off my base knowledge of the trains and also with the reminder that I'm pretty time-blind, I'm estimating:

Blue line O'Hare to Forest Park: 2hrs

Bus to Harlem/Lake: The 318 picks up every 15 minutes and takes 8 minutes, so guesstimate 30 minutes to be on the safe side.

Green Line Harlem/Lake to Cottage Grove: 1.5hrs

Cottage Grove back up to Garfield and down to Ashland/63rd: Again no idea, but probably at least 30 minutes

Ashland/63rd to Garfield and transfer to Red Line Garfield: 30 minutes?

Red Line Garfield to 95th/Dan Ryan and back to Roosevelt: 1.5hrs

Orange Line Roosevelt to Midway: 30 minutes

The 54B bus comes every 20 minutes and take 40 minutes to get from Midway to 54th/Cermak, which is still I thiiiink faster than doing Orange back to Washington/Wells and then Pink out and back. Mulling this one still. Either way, Pink line gets me to Clark/Lake

Walk to Washington/Wells, Brown Line around the loop to hit the missing Loop stations, to Kimball: 1hr

Kimball to Belmont: 30mins

Belmont Red Line to Howard: 1hr (Red line to Howard is HIGHLY variable, I've had it take anywhere from 40-90 minutes from Harrison)

Howard to Harrison: 1hr

About 13 hours in total, let's say my time to beat is 15 hours.

I can't do it this coming weekend; I have all-day events both days. I can't take a day off next week either, I'm going to be slammed at work ahead of an event. So my best bet is either Saturday or Sunday the 20th/21st, or taking Wednesday the 24th off...

Or this Friday. I could call in sick with few ramifications.

Well, I'll keep prepping for now -- find the bus I need from Forest Park to Harlem/Lake, then maybe run the whole route through Google Maps to see what it thinks the timing estimate would be. It might even have some ways to shave time off -- still looking at that Pink-Orange transfer and wondering.

And I need to find places around transfer points to take bathroom breaks since the El doesn't have public restrooms. I can probably get to a bathroom at Midway and back in the 12-minute delay time between arrival and departure...

[bigdickcy]

221217 DPR IAN - 'MOOD' source | bonus below :)