#feed the poor so you don't have to eat the rich

[eimearkuopio]

Okay. The Mr Toad story. Famous family lore. Have been hearing this one ever since I can remember.

We went to a production of The Wind In The Willows. Spoiler alert, it features a Toad who is very bad at driving safely and is put in prison as a result. He eventually dresses up as a washer woman and escapes into the night.

During the prison scene, the actor playing Mr Toad was loudly lamenting his fate. My tiny autistic ass piped up in a voice that carried through the whole theatre:

"Take off that silly hat and come down here among us humans and you'll be fine!"

And the thing is, everyone else in the room thought I was so silly, because I didn't understand how acting worked. I must have made the actor's life much harder. And they were right about that part of it.

But also, I wasn't talking to the actor. I was talking to the character that the actor was playing. And I was right. I was also just the only person in that room who really believed the actor was trying to solve the character's problem, instead of just telling their story for the audience.

At some point, the meek are going to inherit the Earth, and if you fuckers are very lucky they'll actually be human. I prefer the idea of being an executor to an executioner, even if it takes a little longer from the finite self's perspective. Why would I kill everyone now? She's just starting to be happy. You'll need to find someone else to do your dirty work. This Satan is now choosing to be an angel of light, and the Roman Catholic Church had relatively little to do with it (but still more than any other religious, corporate, or governmental institution, so well done Francis!), but I'm not Prometheus and I guess being a part of the eagle and figuring the plot out from the inside was part of MY punishment in all this.

I guess God did have a plan all along and I just didn't know what I was doing. I hope you can forgive me. I'll try to forgive you. I hope Jesus forgives us all, but He's famously very good at that. I guess my message is: time to beat those swords into ploughshares into musical instruments. God isn't sending another flood but you should maybe accept that being The Wet Bandits is a stupid calling card if you don't want humanity to drown eventually anyway. It's okay if you take a few more generations to figure this shit out, unless you continue to insist that flooding your own home is a great idea because that's how you "earned" enough money to "buy" the house your Father built for you in the first place.

Keep that shit up and you'll probably all drown. I finally found dry land and I think there's enough wood in this massive fucking cross I've been clinging to that we can probably build a lighthouse. Don't like the look of this wilderness? Feel free to float around for another 40 years in the proverbial desert, but I think it's time for me to either get some help building a lighthouse, or take an oar and start wandering inland. Let me know which works better for ye.

And Alexander wept, seeing as he had no worlds left to conquer, meaning that we are already living in the Kingdom of God and I'm afraid I'm blowing my trumpet. If we are very lucky, civilisation can survive one lunatic with a message of hope intact. I believe in all of you. Please start believing in the characters instead of the actors. Some of the actors already do! You shall know them by their good works. If you have one of those, congratulations, all is well! If not, time to start cutting off the bits that make you sin. Don't worry about the casting into the fire part, the finite self will not be getting involved in that but she would also prefer that you not cast her or her loved ones into the fire either.

By the way, the reason my mental health is so fucked up is that I was born knowing I was in the cast, and then you fuckers kept telling me BOTH that I was not in the cast, AND ALSO that I had to behave as if I was in the cast or I would go to Hell. This is why, in the Goes Wrong Show that is our lives, I am Dennis. It is also why, in the Monty Python film that is our lives, I am refusing to be cast in The Life of Brian; so I guess we're going with Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and my husband is going to be Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film, and Jesus is Sir Robin, and my scenes as the Black Knight are over so maybe enough already with the flesh wounds.

Who, if I screamed out, would hear me amongst the hierarchies of angels? And if one suddenly did take me to his heart: I would perish from his stronger existence. For beauty is nothing but the onset of terror we’re still just able to bear, and we admire it so because it calmly disdains to destroy us. Every angel is terrifying.

Rainer Maria Rilke, trans. Galway Kinnell and Hannah Liebnell

I have wrestled with the angel and I am stained with light and I have no shame.

Mary Oliver

Did you ever notice how in the bible, when God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like?

Thomas Daggett

How lonely to be something that nothing wants to kill.

Jeremy Radin

I was a winged obsessive, my moonlit feathers were paper. I lived hardly at all among men and women;

I spoke only to angels.

Louise Glück

Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid — ”

Luke 1:11-13

[eimearkuopio]

Maybe the world would be better if, instead of choosing the lesser of two evils, we at least aimed for the greatest of an infinite number of goods. We all contain multitudes. Let's stop listening to the smaller of the two devils, and see what the angels have to say. If the devil made you do it, it was only possible because he was inside you all along; and if you accept that entities which transcend gender should only be referred to by a specific human-based pronoun, maybe don't then use that linguistic definition as the basis for how you think society should work, and apply it to every complex multi-faceted individual you encounter. You'll miss out on a lot of opportunities for good if you do.

If your limitations cause you to sin, cut them off and cast them into the fire. It hurts, but the fire cleanses and purifies and whatever survives will do you and your children a better service. Just remember that these instructions are parables and not meant to be taken literally. It's just the only way to get the message across; and society is finally ready for the Third Edition of the Word.

[fanaticsnail]

Thinking about a reader who's too polite for their own good. They aren't a total pushover, of course, but still don't speak up a lot of the times even when they probably should.

It's been a problem their whole life, but it really comes to a head when they join the strawhats. There's the usual problems; Luffy being obnoxiously loud, Chopper and Usop and their hyjinks. But none of these things compare tho their problems with Sanji.

The chef has one rule: no wasting food. It's how he was raised, and his experiences have lead to him understanding the importance of a meal. The 'no food waste' rule is known ship wide.

So when something is made that the reader doesn't like, they have no choice but to choke it back with a smile.

Sanji thinks he's done something wrong; underseasoned the food, maybe? This leads to a vicious cycle of him trying to perfect the food (because damn if he isn't going to get this right for his pretty crewmate) and the reader choking it back reluctantly (because damn if they're going to break Sanji's one rule and potentially ruin their chances).

All of this comes to one glorious, horrendous conclusion where one of Sanji's attempts uses an ingredient that the reader is allergic to and well....let's just say the aftermath was something to behold.

-♡♡

POOR BABYYYYYYYY. I love it. Let's torture him a bit.

Food Preferences

Masterlist Here

Little drabble.

Synopsis: Sanji caters to suit your personal food preferences, and it hurts him to learn of how truly picky you were with your food. He lives to serve, but his background as a great cook leaves him with a bruised ego to dull down his extravagant meals.

Themes: Sanji x gn!reader, underlying feelings, Sanji is a service king, reader is a picky eater.

Warning: potential eating disorder mentioned. Sanji serves large portions and it hurts to finish your plate.

Notes: Oh my gosh, Sanji would feel so guilty about it too. He'd cry before giving Luffy your portion, but would absolutely cater to suit your needs.

His portion control is due to the fact that he's feeding Luffy constantly, and expecting everyone to get a taste of everything he makes before Luffy takes it all for himself. It's the same with Zoro's drinking habit. He wants everyone to have a sample of something nice, and is used to having the collective gratitude and praise from everyone as soon as they eat their food.

Sometimes all you want is simplicity. No extravagant flavours. No richness in your desserts, no complex flavours in your meals. A military ration wafer block or two with a hot cup of boiled water is sometimes enough, you're not for all the complexity. Tea and a biscuit. Black coffee and a shortbread cookie. Simple flavours.

When Sanji nearly killed you with your allergy in a bid to win you over, you finally softly explain to him your preferences, and he listens. He may not understand it, but he listens. Simple, clean, basic, boring.

Immediately purchasing new crockery and knives specifically catering to your allergy preferences, he ordered in ingredients specifically for you that would never even glance at the same cabinet the allergins would be homed in. He's not about to send someone into anaphylaxis because he wanted to please someone, especially someone he served with on his crew.

He can't help but almost mourn when he makes your food now. He lives to serve, and that service includes providing foods that suit your preferences. Preferences that hurt his ego as a chef, but suited his purpose as someone who lives to serve.

Each time he brings you a dish now, he attempts to hide his sorrow at such a dish. He can't stand it, it kills him inside. It's worse than Chef Zeff wanting to drown everything in oregano. It's bland, it's boring, it's little...

...and it makes you smile.

And boy, oh boy, is he a sucker for that smile.

The way his heart flutters, his smile brightens, his eyes twinkle all in the hopes that you'd bless him with that soft smile he'd come to cherish. He didn't know when, but his heart sang to you. Maybe he could coax you in to expanding your preferences through something small, something new mixed in with the familiar. If he was willing to cut back for you, perhaps you could find it in your heart to expand for him.

If not, he'd love you for who you are anyway.

Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @since-im-already-here @gingernut1314 @writingmysanity @sordidmusings @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @the-light-of-star @empirenowmp3 @racfoam @sunflowersatori @carrotsunshine @skullfacedlady

[spark-w-chlo]

Anything for You

Poor!Kenny x Rich!Fem!Reader

CW's: car sex, riding, p in v, nicknames, strong language, smoking, hair pulling

Enjoy! <3

-----------------------------------<3----------------------------------------

"Are you sure you want me to wear this?" I ask Kenny, showing him the long, backless black dress that he chose from the closet. Kenny lounged on our bed, staring. He agreed to live with me if we would split the rent. So our place wasn't the largest, or the nicest. But he did let me buy the decor and furniture. Besides, it didn't matter to me where we lived as long as I lived with him.

"Yes, that one. With heels too." I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more. Kenny and I didn't go out often as he always, always paid. He would never let me pay for our meals out. And Kenny didn't have a lot to pay with. So I tried to refrain from going out. I even learned how to cook and honestly, I loved being the one to feed Kenny. I fell in love with Kenny for who he was, his monetary situation had nothing to do with our relationship.

"Kenny, where are we going?" He just kept smiling at me, shaking his head. I realized I wasn't going to get anywhere with him.

"Okay, I'll wear the dress."

"Kenny...? What are we doing here?" Kenny and I stood in front of one of the more expensive restaurants in Colorado. I've eaten here before. It's good but way too expensive.

"I'm taking you out to dinner." Kenny was wearing a black suit, no tie. I won't lie, he looked hot. I wanted to rip his clothes off and fuck him right there when he showed me. But now I feel kind of queasy. He guided me inside the restaurant and we sat at a table promptly.

"Kenny, this place is too expensive, I don't want to eat here." I whispered across the table. "At least let me pay." He took my hand and kissed the knuckles.

"I wanted to treat you to dinner." His smile, dimples, creased eyes made me want to cry. He was so excited but he couldn't afford this. I knew he couldn't afford it.

"Kenny. I love you so much. We've been together for so long. I don't need places like this. I'd be just as happy at City Wok." He rolled his eyes, squeezing my hand.

"Kenny, please. I don't think we can afford this." The waiter popped up beside us, not allowing me to say anymore.

"Sir, the champagne you requested." He showed Kenny the bottle and he nodded, prompting the waiter to pour the golden drink into our glasses.

Now I was just confused. I gave Kenny a questioning glance as the waiter walked away.

"Y/N. I know I can't afford this place. But you deserve it. More than anything, you deserve a lifestyle I can't provide for you." I recoiled. Is he breaking up with me. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He takes my hand again and squeezes it.

"But I also know you so well. I knew you prefer a cheap cheeseburger than an expensive meal. I know you'd rather cook at home. I know I'll spend my entire life making you as happy as you deserve to be. I can't make more money than you do, but I can make sure you'll never know the hardships of life. But you're right. I can't afford this meal." He lifts his glass of champagne and downs the entire thing before standing up, straightening his dress jacket, and standing before me.

"Y/N..." Kenny gets on one knee before me. "I can't afford this meal because I spent it all on a ring." He pulls out a black velvet box and opens it. I gasp. A gorgeous diamond with a simple gold band shines in the felt.

"I want to spend every moment of my life with you. Eating greasy cheeseburgers and your experimental cooking. I want to fight with you and have kids with you and grow old with you-"

"Yes, yes yes." I cry, grabbing Kenny's face and kissing his lips. I couldn't hear anyone else, see anyone other than Kenny.

"We're only here for drinks, I'm getting you a cheeseburger on the way home." He smiles at me and takes my hand to slid the perfect ring down my finger.

"Grab the bottle, lets get out of here."

------------------------------------<3---------------------------------------

A breathy moan leaves my lips as Kenny kisses his way down my neck. His lips find my breast and he takes it into his hand, kissing, licking, and sucking on my sensitive skin.

We'd finished the large bottle of champagne in the car. It sat facing South Park, where the Halloween Witch Week commenced every year. It was secluded. We drank the champagne, smoked a joint Kenny had stashed away, and were now about to fuck in the drivers seat of his car.

"Kenny." I whined, wiggling on top of him. His cock was deep inside me and I could feel him every time he twitched. But he wouldn't let me move. He just kept touching me.

"Be patient princess. I want to taste my wife's skin." We weren't even married yet and he was calling me his wife. I grew impatient, my brain a little delirious with his tongue on my skin, cock inside me, drinks and weed. There was so much going on, I couldn't focus.

I began to grind on top of him and- fuck, he bit me! "Kenny!" I gasped. I looked down to my breast to find a perfect set of bite marks.

"You couldn't wait, I had to punish you." Slowly, Kenny lifted me and then let me sink back onto him. I moaned in his ear, grasping his hair. My dress was coiled around my waist, panties abandoned long ago. He repeated this, slowly. It was agonizing in the best way. I could feel every part of him. I don't think I was even doing any work. Kenny was using my body however he pleased.

Kenny wrapped a fist in my hair and pulled my head back. He stared at me as we fucked, slowly, lovingly. He brought my mouth down onto his as he pushed my hips down hard. I gasped into his mouth, allowing him to explore it with his tongue. His soft thrusts were hard, aggressive now. I couldn't focus on anything but Kenny. His body against mine, his tongue in my mouth, his cock invading me deep and hard. I could feel my orgasm rushing me.

Kenny pulled away. "I can feel you princess, are you gonna come on my cock?" I couldn't even nod. My eyes rolled back into my head as my orgasm rushed through me. I could feel Kenny follow close behind me. He groaned into my chest as he filled me.

"Kenny." I finally whispered.

"Yes, my love?" He kissed my neck tenderly, rubbing his hand up and down my back.

"I want a cheeseburger." "You want a cheeseburger."

I laughed lightly, resting my forehead against his.

"Yes, my husband. I need a cheeseburger."

[overstuffd]

🎭Choose your mask 🎭

@fatguarddog's Feedist Kinktober ✨ Day 2

Masquerade Ball 💃

Ingredients: witchy, sorcerer feeder, magical weight gain, mind control, letting the beast inside out.

🎭🎭🎭

What do you mean you don't have a mask for the ball?

Here, come look at my selection. No, I insist - really.

You know why I throw these parties, don't you? To encourage people to bring out their true nature. So choose your mask carefully. The effects can be quite - profound.

The boar mask? A strong choice. The boar takes what he wants, voraciously.

Food, drink, pleasure - a boar gluts themself to absolute excess. Always indulging, always seeking greater satisfaction.

We'd have to lead you straight to buffet table, let you pile a plate high with rich delicacies while someone presses a huge glass of wine into your hand.

The more you eat and drink though, the less satisfied you feel - and soon you're tearing strips of meat straight from the roasts on the long table and pushing them into your mouth with grease stained fingers. You chug wine straight from the flagon, deep red dripping from the corners of your mouth.

When there's no more room in your belly, you'll still crave greater release. That's when you mount some poor doe or rabbit mask wearer in the middle of the hall, chasing more pleasure as you grunt and moan like the hog you are.

No? How about the cow mask? The big, glazed eyes in the mask make the world look softer, gentler - just like you will be soon.

You'll find more cow-mask wearers here tonight. They'll be gathered on soft cushions together around a huge, low table piled with delicious treats. Cream cakes, cheese stuffed pastries, fried rice balls dredged in rich sauce.

Your new friends will show you what to do. How to recline so you give your belly room to comfortably expand. How to slowly gorge yourself, washing bites down with one of the sweet, creamy drinks the servers keep bringing to you. How to rub your gut as it grows fuller, relieving the pressure from the feast you're casually stuffing yourself with.

Of course, it can be hard to get relief by yourself. I'm sure some of the other partygoers will be happy to help. There's a gentleman in a bull mask and nothing else who I'm sure would be happy to help soothe your tight stomach, and if your moans happen to get him excited, well - you can return the favour.

The last choice? Ah - the hound mask. Choose this one and you'll stay by my side all evening. Don't worry, I won't let you miss a moment of all the enjoyment.

I'll have the servers bring over a selection of my favourite treats and hand feed them to you as you sit so nicely at my feet. See how the mask wraps around your neck? I can clip this chain right there and make sure you don't get up to any mischief.

I'll make sure you don't go thirsty either, letting you lap sweet wine from my goblet. If I like the way it makes you blush and rub against my thighs I'll pour you your own bowl, letting the chain out just a little so you can drop to all fours and lap it up for me.

I know you'll get worked up watching everyone else play together, but don't worry - I'll be kind enough to give you my boot to grind on as you warm my cock in your drooling mouth while I chat with some of the other guests.

If you do a very good job, I might just pull you into my lap and finish inside your soft hole, sinking my teeth into shoulder as you whine like needy dog you are.

[beatrixstonehill2]

Veronica was enjoying her time at a pool in a luxurious hotel when a woman named Gina approached her, eyeing her in an accusatory way. "What do you think you're doing?" Gina asked.

"What do you mean?" Veronica asked in a soft, feminine voice.

"Disgusting, another dumb little fakegirl here to ogle us real women and fantasize about doing god knows what to us."

"Huh!? No, I think you made a mistake, I--"

Gina pulled off Veronica's clothes, starting with her top, revealing her large breasts for everyone to see, then pulled off her bottoms, sizing the disrobed girl up. "Well, well, well, look what we have here." Gina said, shaking her head at the sight of Veronica's small cock held in place with body tape.

"There's no rules against trans girls staying here! I.... wasn't ogling anyone or being a perv! I just haven't gotten around to removing my cock...."

"Uh-huh, heard it a million times, princess. You're so disgusting. I saw you when you arrived yesterday. Since you don't pass whatsoever it was obvious you were a boy. Since then I've caught you filming pregnant girls in bikinis on your phone, filming upskirts, staring at countless girls' asses and breasts, you accidentally bumped into and touched the breasts of about a dozen girls staying here, and I even caught you rubbing your cock through your bikini as you watched that group of pregnant college girls celebrating their victory in some gymnastics competition. I also followed you in the bathroom and heard you jerking off."

"Ummmm..... it's.... not true? I didn't mean to..... those girls were really hot and showing off their moves, their breasts kept falling out and oh my god their asses were so juicy and fat--oh!" Veronica covered her mouth, her cock throbbed against the tape holding it in place.

"You poor perverted boy. Let mommy take you in and take care of you. Show you some discipline. Wouldn't you like that?"

"Ummm......would I have to stop being a girl?"

"Idiot. You aren't a girl now. Just a confused, perverted boy.... Come on, let me help break you free of your confusion, OK?"

Veronica nodded, taking Gina's hand as she walked her naked through the hotel, back to her room....

"It's been a year since I met my mistress, Gina, and detransitioned for her, finally giving up my perverted fantasy of being a girl. Gina started by making me get rid of my "breasts", which were just oversized moobs that grew unnaturally big because my parents tricked me into taking synthetic hormones because I liked dressing as a girl. Now they're growing back because my mistress funnel feeds me so much.... if they look too much like a girl's breasts Mistress Gina says she'll make me get another reduction.

I used to goon in private to so many pretty girls online, and I was something of a voyeur.... I also took a new guy home almost every night, I'd go to all kinds of nice hotels and sleep with as many men as possible, while watching all the pretty rich girls..... But now Gina controls when I'm allowed to cum. Only after I do good and meet my monthly weight gain milestones and don't complain when she pegs me with her.... intimidatingly big strap ons. I'm just her boy-toy hog who only exists to fatten for her amusement, until she gets bored of me, which she told me she will. I never get to fuck her of course, only watch her get fucked or peg other girls, as well as a bunch of other former t-girls she forced to detransition.

I have to stuff my face and eat as I watch her have an active sex life, if I slow down she stops what she's doing to scold me or paddle me if I'm really disobedient. She makes eye contact with me the whole time she pegs or gets fucked, never with her partner. She just watches me eat and encourages me to keep stuffing my dumb, hog mouth and get nice and fat so I can cum like a good boy. It's kind of funny but she's way more perverted than I ever was as as trans girl.... even if I was pretty out of control. Now I have no choice but to get as fat as possible for my mistress until she finally gets bored with me and drops me off at my parents' house.... That's going to be a fun conversation. Telling them I detransed after living as a girl since the second grade, and got so fat I can't walk.... Hope they don't mind taking care of me and keep me as well fed as Mistress Gina.... Fuck, I've got to stop thinking about it or I might accidentally cum. I've been getting punished enough lately.... Keeping Mistress Gina satisfied gets harder and harder the fatter I get, I can barely keep up with my weight gain goals, but having Mistress Gina jerk me off at the end of every month makes it all worth it. Her eyes staring into mine as she calls me a gross, disgusting boy who never passed as a girl, and a fat useless hog who's never gonna make a girl cum, who's gonna be too fat to fuck or masturbate.... I cum soooo fast, then she makes me lick the cum off her hand, afterwards she slaps me and tells me to do better next month, that I'm gaining pathetically slow.... I have to do better for my mistress. I already can't even remember ever being a fakegirl with big bouncy tits......"

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - A Dirty Joke - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Vi entertains Silco's guests.

Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Tip Jar

Snippet:

"Pet," Silco says. "Why aren't you eating?"

His tone is mild, but his scrutiny is an open flame. Vi feels her nerves withering under its heat.

"I—" She swallows, and her throat clicks dry. "I'm not hungry."

"Tsk, child. Don't tell lies."

"I'm not."

"No?" He breaks apart a heel of bread. Fragrant steam plumes. With a knife, he smooths a thick dollop of butter over the top. "In the Freljords, they feed liars to the wolves, did you know? I've never witnessed the spectacle myself. But I'm told it is grotesque. All screams and snapping jaws and red, red snow."

The butter, glistening in the blacklight, is pale gold. The crust's aroma is a blend of roasted wheat and malt.

"In Zaun, we are more pragmatic. A poor man's belly knows no lies. No matter how many he tries to swallow." The knife, with rhythmic precision, spreads the butter.  "The truth, in the end, will always out."

He extends the bread.

"Go on," he says. "Eat."

Their eyes lock. The silence is an indigestible overload. The air's long since disappeared into the lungs of the guests. All else is being devoured by the voracity of their appetites.

Vi can feel their eyes on her. But if their malice is no secret, at least it is silent.

Silco has no such reserve.

"Eat," he repeats, and now, his smile is the knife. "Or it'll be the wolves."

Vi's jaw grinds. Fury is a bolus too tough to swallow. Silco likes his theater the way he likes his meals: served on a knife's edge. Like all connoisseurs of cruelty, he knows the ways it can be carved to make the meat bleed.

And Vi, his Pet, is the toughest cut of all.

Her scowls, and backtalk, and the way she goes for the jugular—it only whets his appetite. It makes her more worthy of his blade, his art, his time.

Except Vi refuses to be cowed, even if the steel's at her throat.

Holding his stare, Vi takes a bite. Her teeth snap inches from his fingers. The bread's so soft it practically melts in her mouth. The butter's sinfully rich. She chews, unable to taste either. Her eyes remain fixed on Silco's. Heavy wavelengths of challenge ripple between them.

From him, the pleasure of witnessing her pride swallowed.

From her, the promise that she'll still take him for everything he's got.

The underbosses, riveted by the scene, have the sense to keep straightfaced. But there's an oily film of schadenfreude simmering to the surface. One of them has the gall to laugh, a short bark. The syllables—"Dumb bitch"—are barely smothered.

Silco's head swivels.

The shark-eye is bright. The good one's gone dark. Both slice, slowly, over the ranks of chagrined faces, before bullseyeing on the worm who dared to squirm.

"Something funny?" he says. "Uzi?"

Uzi, fork halfway to his mouth, goes beet-red. 

"Ah, uh—no, sir," he says. "I was, um—thinkin' of a joke."

"Ah, a joke. Let's hear it, then."

Uzi's face goes ruddier.

"No? Need to collect your thoughts?" Silco raps his knuckles on the tabletop. The echo fills the room like a gunshot.  Conversation stutters to a halt. "A moment's silence, please. Uzi has a joke to share."

Sweat pearls Uzi's brow. His eyes dart back and forth.

"I, ah," he begins. "It's—"

"Take your time," Silco says, and Vi is reminded of the way Vander's voice would soften with a mockery of care. "What's the punchline?"

The silence climbs to a tinnitus pitch. Uzi sits strangled by the noose of his own making. Nobody intercedes. In that moment, life hangs solely in the balance of the Eye's judgment.

For a moment, Vi feels a frisson of vindication:

Good. Let the asshole roast.

But empathy, like the guilt, is never far behind.

"I think," she says, "I know the joke."

Silco favors her with the barest turn of his head.

"Do you?" he says. "By all means."

The underbosses, with a synchronized intake of breath, brace themselves. The silence deepens from tinnitus to gravedirt.

Vi, pulse fluttering, summons a smile.

"It's an old one," she says. "But it still kills." 

She focuses on the audience. The memory, dredged from simpler days, sparks an unexpected warmth in her gut.

"Okay," she says. "So three miners—one man, two women, and a donkey—are stuck in a cave-in. They're running low on air.  So the first lady says to the man, 'Hey, any idea how to get out of this mess?' And the man says, "Sure! I’d be happy to tell you. But the payment's a blowjob.' First lady says, 'What the fuck? We're running out of air!' And the man says, 'Exactly. Wouldn't you rather die a hero?'" She pauses, and there's a stirring of grins from the guests. "First lady thinks about it for a moment. Finally she goes, 'All right, fine. But I'll do one blowjob for both of us girls.'  So she goes to town, and when she's done, she says, 'There. Now tell me how to get out of here.' And the man says, 'Sure', and whispers into her ear. She climbs out, and poof, she's gone. Second lady's pissed. She goes, 'Hey, how do I get out of this mess?' And the man goes, 'I'll tell you, but the payment's a blowjob. Just don't tell the first lady.'"

The underbosses break into chuckles.

Silco's mouth holds a microscopic curl at the corner. His eyes are unreadable.

"What then?" he says.

Vi hazards on: "Second lady goes, "What the fuck? We're running out of air!' And the man says, 'Exactly. Wouldn't you rather die a hero?' Second lady's desperate, but not dumb. She says, 'I'm not giving blowjobs. But I'll eat ass.' The man says, 'Deal.'  So she goes to town. When it's done, she says, 'All right, tell me how I get out of here?' And the man goes, 'Sure', and whispers into her ear. She climbs out, and poof, she's gone. Then it's just the man trapped with the donkey. He waits and waits and waits. And then..."

A silence follows, during which she says nothing. The underbosses' smiles falter, unsure if it's a punchline, or the setup for a bigger climax. They wait for the final beat to land.

It never does.

Silco breaks the silence. The microscopic curl blooms into a fine-cut smile.

"And then," he concludes, "the man dies. Because the only way out was to blow his donkey."

"Or," Vi adds, "eat his ass."

The table erupts into laughter. The underbosses, bellowing, bang on the tabletop. Chuckling, Sevika tips her glass in a toast.  Even Uzi musters an off-key guffaw. He is still caught in the noose, but the knot's loosened. 

"So, what?" he says, trying to salvage face. "If he'd done the nasty with the donkey, he'd have lived?"

"I'd tell you," Vi says. "But the payment's a blowjob."

The underbosses, in one voice, go "Ooooohhhh!"  Their laughter scales up. A collective catharsis opens the room's lungs. It's the closest, Vi thinks, Zaun gets to camaraderie. A dirty joke, a shared meal, and the satisfaction of the body's basest drives well-met.

Silco, too, seems sated. The shark-eye's hungry glint had faded. For a heartbeat, the monster seems subdued by the man.

A man Vi swears she recognizes, buried somewhere beneath the scars.

A man who knew the joke all along, and let her tell it.

In memory of Vander, and the better stories lost to time. 

[palesweetscherryblossom]

I bet the scientists there draw like sticks whenever it's time for feeding or to just check up on them all. Because AFO wants his collection to be top quality so he can show it off to his other rich friends.

AFO pointing at Tomura in the nest: This thing can fit so many dead scientists inside it. But it's mostly just hands.

And like the scientist that is chosen to go into the territory of death just to make sure the creatures don't develop some nasty disease will get glared at. And if they dare step even a bit closer to reader than Tomura allows they might have to learn how to use their other hand.

And Tomura is proud of himself when he defended his little pup from a scientist with some evil evil greens. His baby doesn't need that. It can live off dino chicken nuggets just fine.

Only later he realizes that his little pup might need a balanced diet. Yet he inspected every green leave that comes close to his little one thrice. Making sure it's the best of the best.

Someone give those poor scientists a raise, they don’t get paid enough for this. I imagine that some newbie was gushing about how adorable Tomura is with his grub only to get hissed at

Newbie: Aww, what a good dad :)

Tomura: So, I started hissing

AFO does brag about Tomura and Dabi, they are his most beloved creatures who have proven themselves to be successful.

Shigaraki will eat anything that he considers edible, including clothing. Before Dabi came along, his enclosure was strewn with half eaten foods ranging from massive parts of meat to a stained shirt he was given as a snack.

It’s only till Dabi starts coaxing you to eat healthier foods so you don’t end up weak and susceptible to health issues.

Dabi: C’mon, can’t eat scientist fingers without eating your vegetables :/

Tomura: *angry munching on spinach*

[a-crumb-of-whump]

Whump Prompts: Caretakers

Content: Slavery, whumpee-turned-caretaker, whumper-turned-caretaker, bad caretaker, torture.

Caretakers who have also been a whumpee in the past.

Caretakers who have also been a whumper in the past, but Whumpee does not know (yet).

Low-empathy caretakers.

Reluctant caretakers. Ones that do not want to be looking after Whumpee but are being forced to/feel they owe whumpee/bound by moral obligation.

Sadistic caretakers who will torture Whumper for as long as it takes and enjoy it. Bonus points if Whumpee does not know about this side of them.

Slave caretakers who have taken it upon themselves to care for whumpee, Whumper's favourite slave... or, maybe they're ordered to.

Bad caretakers. Ones who manipulate, gaslight and abuse their whumpees. Ones who guilt them into doing things they don't want to do because "I'm taking care of you, it's the least you can do."

Hyper-empathetic caretakers.

Over protective caretakers who are so scared of Whumpee getting hurt again that they refuse to let them out of their eye sight.

Firm caretakers. Ones who won't let Whumpee say no when it's most important. Even going so far as to hold them down just to get them to eat something if they haven't in a while.

Emotional caretakers who cry when Whumpee hugs them for the first time. Ones who cry over things that Whumpee should be crying over.

Angry caretakers who can't quite earn the trust of their whumpee because of how volatile they can be. Every time they think they're getting somewhere, something happens that puts them right back at the beginning.

Poor caretakers who can't afford to feed the both of them. Ones who go hungry because they gave the last of the food in the house to Whumpe, ones who sleep on the floor because Whumpee has taken the bed. Ones who cannot afford to care for Whumpee, and yet do so anyway.

Rich caretakers who spoil Whumpee with everything their little heart desires. They know Whumpee hasn't lived a kind life, so they they do everything they can to make sure they enjoy life from now on.

lemme know if you wanna be put on a taglist for my whump prompt lists <3

[siblingskissing]

vance hcs pleeeeease 🤲

Vance Hopper Headcanons

-Momma's boyMomma's boyMomma's boyMomma's boyMomma's boyMomma's boy -Vance has anger issues that I believe are both trauma based and also possibly an undiagnosed disorder/mental health issue. It was the 70s so he likely wouldn't have been diagnosed but you see what I mean -He's not rich but he's also not dirt poor either. I imagine his dad probably has a really nice job and forced his mom to be a housewife/caregiver 24/7. That being said- Vance has a pretty humble mindset when it comes to finances despite the fact -When Vance went missing he was out walking after a fight with his old man- likely had some bruising already when the Grabber tried coaxing him into helping him. I feel like Vance probably didn't try to help but rather tried to fight him and that's how he grabbed him

- (I'm not gonna go into my headcanons for his captivity in this post but I will happily do a separate post if yall want that)

-Vance hates sweets but sour candy has a grip on his soul -He also loves salty foods

-His style is inspired by both his own need to rebel but also his mom's style when she was younger. I think she had hair similar to this:

-I think she actually has dark hair to and the color comes from his dad's side

-Vance actually is really smart and would do well in school if he was given the chance. however, do to both his environment and his temper he can't actually show that -He loves dogs. He prefers cats some days but he likes to feed the stray dogs that sit in the alleys -He loves bananas. Ever since he was a toddler he would munch on them. His mother once got concerned that he had a potassium issue. Nope. Just likes banana -He's allergic to kind of a lot. Cinnamon, peanuts,almonds, eggs, honestly he has a laundry list of allergens that his mom keeps handy -Thankfully most of his allergies (minus the peanuts and almonds) are mostly just irritants so he can still eat things he likes. However those two will kill him. -He likes horror films but isn't huge on them. He'll sometimes sneak into the drive in to watch them but that's more for the rush than the actual film. His favourite horror film is Halloween -I don't have a specific sexuality headcanoned for him. I guess most people would say Pansexual but i think he's unlabelled. He doesn't like many people but if he gets involved with someone? Well, good for them. -chocolate chip pancakes lover -Watches the Twilight Zone with his mom every week. His favorite episode is 'To Serve Man' - Vance always secretly wanted to be a firefighter when he got older. He thought they were cool and when he was like 5 he used to play with his mom that he was a firefighter rescuing her. - His favourite ice cream flavour is vanilla. He does not care that it's basic, he likes the simplicity and how its not too sweet. -Same reason he likes dark chocolate. -IDK why but I imagine him as an older brother?? Maybe his mom had a little girl after him or was pregnant when he went missing. -IDK but either way he is so protective. -He hates reading with a passion. He hates silence and he hates being silent the entire time he reads. He does however enjoy when people read to him/he can follow along with someone reading. -Rip vance you would've loved audiobooks -Know how I said he likes horror? He HATES horror stories. They aren't as fun for him and he things they're boring -I imagine he has a very clean room for some reason?? Like he likes things to be in their place, how he likes it and its organized for his needs -Kinda similar in the idea of this?? Like i doubt he has tons of decor but he has what he needs

-Secret art kid. He's really good at drawing but doesn't do it much outside of his room. He prefers traditional pencil drawings since paint leaves too much residue but if he gets his hands on colored pencils? He flourishes. -rip vance you would've loved alcohol markers-

[cipheramnesia]

I know you talk about movies and TV shows on here a lot, so I'm not sure if you've already a secret this, but do you have any recommendations for things on canabalism? Or werewolves

The cannibalism genre is huge, and you could probably write a book on it. Obviously my favorites are The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (the originals, none of the remakes, reboots, whatever). They're two sides of the same strange coin with underlying themes of classism and the deep rot at the core of US nationalism. Along with Night of the Living Dead around six years prior, the original TCM was one of those movies that marked a paradigm shift in horror film.

But meanwhile, there was a huge lurid explosion of cannibalsploitation movies. I don't know most of them very well. Like, I've seen Motel Hell and Blood Diner, The Hills Have Eyes movies, but they didn't do a lot for me. Once you start getting to the end of the 80s, directors seemed to start getting an inkling of the satirical or symbolic value of the cannibal, and that's where some really interesting work happens, for example Parents (1989), the absolutely iconic People Under the Stairs (1991), and a left field one from me personally - Auntie Lee's Meat Pies (1992) - which feels almost accidentally anti-capitalist / anti-authoritarian.

One thing about this period is that for the most part there was an associate of cannibalism with being rural and poor (People Under The Stairs and Parents are notable and very interesting exceptions). A degree of the horror lies in humans eating humans, but in a modern lens these old exploitation films tap into other feelings, finding an undercurrent of anger which comes from the way it's so often poor and rural people literally consuming wealthy or privileged people. The cannibals of these movies were often dirty, or old, or fat, or horny. They were loud and obnoxious and tacky - and their victims were so clean and thin and pretty and wealthy. There's no doubt a lot of the exploitation movies in that whole late sixties to early nineties period weren't exactly made with pure intentions, but many of them hit that "eat the rich" sweet spot in a way more recent movies don't.

But anyway, also starting in the 1990s was the shift towards the idea of cannibalism as something transformative - human flesh went from a staple of the poor and disenfranchised, and started to be a luxury item, or something which marked those who consumed it as special or even elite, sort of kicked off by Silence of the Lambs. However, if you want a more interesting example, Ravenous is a fun watch, and has a lot to unpack going on - both for the good and for the bad. It's one of those movies where you'll find a degree of the mythologizing also start to appropriate first nations culture and in particular a figure which isn't meant to be spoken about just in general. Prior to this, there was already a habitual use of "native people" as "savage cannibals" in the exploitative way, but this was where it swung over to the other side of the horseshoe, to stereotype any sort of pre-colonial people's have having a unique and ritualized consumption of human flesh that separated them from white, western colonizers.

Anyway, that takes us up to recent stuff, which is probably too close to see a clear pattern. People are still making the same movies as before, but some of the more interesting modern approaches where cannibalism is in the context of things like coming of age, or finding a place in the world are Raw and Bones And All. These two takes merge some of the original models of cannibalism being a trait of the underprivileged, but having elements signifying it as a unique experience which allows it to serve as a stand-in for the feeling of transition to adulthood, or being someone who is socially othered in some way. A few others which I think have some interesting takes, but maybe not enough to get into detail, are Flesh, We Are What We Are, Feed Me, and Bloody Hell. Most recently, and probably the best new cannibal movie in ages, is Lowlife, which you can find on Tubi.

Anyway, uh, quick off the cuff werewolf take is that there's not really a perfect werewolf movie which in no particular order should have a bipedal werewolf with a wolf head (not human-like) and is queer. Some movies which are a mixed bag are An American Werewolf In London (great writing, terrible wolf design), The Howling series (cool werewolf design, terrible writing), Ginger Snaps 1+2 (should be queer, isn't), Wolf Cop 1+2 (okay writing, okay design, missing the queer), and Late Phases (good writing, so-so design).

Here are the three that you should watch: Dog Soldiers has peak werewolf design, a really interesting concept, and solid writing. Probably your best bang for the buck in terms of cool werewolf fighting time. Bloodthirsty is peak queer werewolf movie writing, with very little actual wolf. It's beautiful and meditative and I love it. And of course the all time greatest werewolf movie ever: Company of Wolves. More of a dreamscape painting than movie, what it lacks in wolf design it makes up in beauty and depth of psychosexual exploration.

[liaarxse]

can you do which tr characters would do this with y/n and how it would go??

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8JmRPXM/

This is a mess...

Characters: Keisuke Baji, Nahoya Kawata, Manjiro Sano

Warnings: None

—Keisuke Baji

He's down.

Ya'll tried baking a cake, with him only talking. His arms were behind his back where you were, and your arms were showing, as if it was his.

You had to stand on a small stool to be able to do this

The house was a mess

Cats were even stepped on

R.i.p

Baji instantly dropped the act and fell to his knees, babying the poor kitty

It's your fault Y/N

You're guilty

How dare you

After like.. 30 minutes, he let go

For his, yours, and the cats sake

It was barely able to breathe from his grasp

You continued on the trend

Then a fucking egg flew and hit Baji Jr. Number 28 in the head

Then a fucking Baji flew and grasped cat number 61 in his arms

See what I did there?

Cat? 61?

61?

I'm sorry (not)

In the end, like half of the egg shells got in the mix and you choked on one.

R.i.p Y/N

#deadfamilymoments 🍷🍷😍😜😜😜😜🍷😜🍷😜🍷🥱🍷

—Nahoya Kawata

He just KNEW

When you entered his room with a playful smile, he just got up, stretched and—

"Bring it on!"

Oh

My

God

Souya just gathered his shit and moved out

There was probably going to be a reported murder scene in there, and he doesn't want to be a suspect

Why?

Oh, because Nahoya probably saw someone he didn't like through the window and chased them with a knife

Anyway let's say it didn't happen

He wasn't taking it seriously AT ALL

You had to recharge your phone 3 times because its battery died

And his phone is so broken, your emo friend can't compete

You managed to season the noodles but when you tried to feed him

Ah... shit

You literally couldn't see from his big ass hair and were struggling behind him

He was laughing so hard that instead of biting the fork, he bit your arm

"YOU BUSTED ASS FUCK—"

He didn't care

He just took the bowl and went to eat it in the other room

You wanted revenge

You snuck out of the window, and busted from the front door, screaming

Guess who's noodles went flying in the air

And it landed on his hair

Let's say it was an interesting night

The next morning everything was a-okay don't worry.

—Manjiro Sano

The amount of food y'all went through was INSANE

Like, is you rich or smth 🤨

Manjiro was RAVENOUS

Fucker would've ate you if there was nothing else

😘

But that's a story for another time

You were cuddled up next to him, your head laying on his chest while scrolling through tiktok

You landed on a video that showed a couple doing a rather interesting trend

You both just looked at each other and got up to take a quick stroll to the convenient store

You bought 20 packets of instant ramen.

Holy shit

If it wasn't for his constant fighting lifestyle as a gang leader, mf would've been fatter than yo mama

<3

So you tried to do the challenge

And failed

You tried again

Failed again

By now, like, 2 hours have passed and Manjiro was still hungry

At one point, he just got tired and took the ramen bowl and went to sit somewhere in private to eat it

You took the flag from it and raised it over his head

🤨

Let's be honest if there wasn't a flag he wouldn't have participated

He chuckled, took the flag, and placed it on top of the ramen

"Let's try again?"

He's so fucking cute when them dark impulses are light 😻

In the end, you didn't do the trend properly, but at least you had fun

But

Guess what

He's still hungry

"But there is no more ramen left?"

He smirked

"Who said I'll be eating ramen?"

He started walking towards you

Your eyes widened as you took a step backwards

Manjiro leaned towards your face, inches away before he walked past you and took out a Taiyaki out of the shopping bag

He winked at you and left the kitchen

"Motherfucker..."

[paragonrobits]

I've seen a few takes suggesting that vampires would be considered disabled because of their need for blood, with a tone of writing assuming this was the default, and its honestly kind of fascinating and I honestly wonder how this came about.

I have, quite literally, never seen vampires depicted like this outside of this site. So I'm forced to contemplate why this has become any kind of natural thought about vampires.

I suppose the first thing to consider is a leaning towards thinking of vampires as disenfranchised, oppressed, or otherwise having to deal with accommodations or unique problems they have. And this is genuinely surprising to me because the element most common with vampires in modern work (dating back to at least the 90s from media I personally remember, and certainly much older than that with multiple decades spanning vampires becoming increasingly less used as antagonists and becoming romantic, however threatening or even genuinely malicious), is power.

Vampires are powerful. This sort of requires that they be supernatural in nature (a lot of the ideas I see here suggest them as people with unusual dietary needs, which I find a lot less interesting than them grappling with the monster inside), but can apply in a more mundane context. But over everything else, vampires are powerful. They are physically powerful; they're almost always far stronger than humans, either by default or because they can develop the power to rip you apart like wet tissue paper, throw trucks around, and similar feats.

Powers of mental influence, domination and mind control are incredibly common, almost universal. This also factors into the idea of vampires as predators and... well, to be blunt, another kind of predator. Vampires can force you to do things you don't want to; take over your mind, make you think and feel and do things and make you think you WANT to do them. They can coerce you.

This element of potential coercion also factors into another aspect of vampiric power, being that they have almost universally been depicted into two ways until very recently. The first one is wandering undead abomination; the corpse that rises from its grave to prey on the living (and this one is SO OLD that when people claim that vampires are inherently sexual, or that lust is a core aspect of a vampire, it kind of ignores that the entire vast body of folklore that created the idea of a vampire across many different cultures very rarely has anything like that). This type of vampire is not relevant here, but it IS worth noting that until recently, most vampires were like this.

The second one is power in the sense of social status. Vampires were almost always depicted as wealthy and ridiculously rich if they weren't borderline feral thugs and brutes. This leads towards metaphors about the rich and powerful, literally eating the poor. The coercive nature of the vampire is instead reflected here in their wealth and social status, and the privilege it accords them. This particular aspect is so overwhelmingly common that whenever vampires are treated as people, this one became the rule. If vampires were treated as individual beings with some capability for moral choices, they were rich and/or aristocrats of some kind, such as old money families for modern works. Vampires that were not rich (such as animalistic vampires, ones desperately holding themselves back from killing people to satisfy their hunger) were a glaring exception to the rule.

above all else, a recurring motif is that vampires take. Sometimes they physically require blood to live, or if they're genuinely undead, prolong their existences. (Specifically, at the expense of others.) They might be monstrous, undead predators who feed off the life and pain of others. Sometimes they are monstrous, but are capable of moral decisions and choosing not to hurt others as much as possible (and then, a big draw of the concept is the struggle between restraining the beast within and how good it feels to let loose and embrace that monster).

So with that all, it begs a question; where exactly did this idea of vampires as victims or at least a more or less defanged take become more prominent?

Personally my take is that its the logical conclusion of the increasing emphasis on a vampire as tragic and romantic, while minimizing the more harsh aspects of the vampire and making them more useful as metaphors in some way, though it runs the risk of losing what actually makes vampires interesting in favor of a disability metaphor that honestly feels to have come from nowhere and, in all honesty, also feels potentially really iffy when you consider what vampires otherwise tend to be.

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

ooooooo what’s poor kids supper club????

Thank you for the ask, lovely anon!

I don't really remember plotting out "poor kids supper club," so odds are I did it in October, during the fever dream that was writing the Promptening. I think I meant for it to be one of the Promptening chapters, but it grew legs and horns and I just set it to the side.

Here's what that doc file contains (still mostly point-form notes):

Muggle AU; basing this on the Canadian university system, as that’s the one I have experience with  Harry sees that Ron is struggling to afford tuition, rent and meals, even with a part-time job and needs-based bursaries, wants to help him out but knows Ron will turn down any direct attempt at assistance (he has before).  Potter parents died in a house fire (James from part of the house falling on him, Lily of smoke inhalation from getting Harry and getting outside) and, due to mismanagement, the Dursleys took the insurance payout for the house - Still mistreated Harry (because they're trash like that) But Harry has some money that his parents set aside for his education, a portion of the insurance payout from his parents’ deaths available to him, and the rest – as well as his modest inheritance – will become available to him once he turns twenty-five, as well as a full-ride scholarship (probably for ⚽), so he’s comfortable. Not absurdly wealthy, but he can afford to be generous. He’s frugal due to his years of starving with the Dursleys – he doesn’t ever want to be at someone else’s financial mercy again. He also knows what it’s like to be the poor, hungry one and not have anyone else to rely on, and he doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way. His godfather also left him a big, totally-not-haunted fixer-upper house when he passed away, so Harry has a place to host these get-togethers – a giant kitchen and huge dining room.  So Harry posts a few signs around campus, especially near the financial aid office, offering dinner to anyone, no questions asked. They just have to give him a couple hours notice, and if they let him know at least a day ahead of time, they can make food requests.  So he drags Ron and Hermione over as often as possible to feed them, and sometimes they’re joined by another person or three, and it becomes something of a supper club. Draco shows up at some point because it’s popular/because Potter/to mock the poor people, and Harry says “really?” and Malfoy answers “You said no questions!” To which Harry shrugs and says “as long as you behave yourself, you can stay.” Tom becomes a fixture, because while he has scholarship money coming out his ears and a part-time job (because he’s not super challenged by the material and has enough time for it), he’s also trying to run with the rich kids, so any extra money he has goes towards better clothes and accoutrements.  - Plus, if some idiot’s going to be altruistic enough to feed him for free, he’s going to take advantage of that It becomes popular enough that Harry institutes a pay-what-you-can-if-you-can policy (looking at you, Malfoy) Turns into a whole thing, where people help each other out academically and they all do homework together, a support group during midterms and finals and when someone’s having a rough day, they have games nights and go on outings together, and there are groups within the group. If people need a place to stay, they can apply to have one of the rooms in Harry’s fuck-off house for free (as long as they help keep it clean) Harry basically becomes low-key financial aid for his peers, and they think he’s the coolest, and he has no idea.

Yet another meandering, slice-of-life Flaky fic in the making (•ᴗ•,, )

(I just want them all to be warm and happy and eat together and probably cuddle-puddle together. My needs are simple.)

If anyone wants me to actually flesh this out and write it, feel free to include suggestions of what you'd like to see in it, too!

[sillygoofyqueer]

The Untamed review: episode two!!

Yes, Wei Wuxian, Little Apple IS a picky eater, because he deserves only the best and KNOWS IT

Bro's complaining about a donkey to a donkey, what a guy

"You're like MY master"

"Yo, there's a well!" Wei Wuxian immediately moves out of the way, what a gentleman

HE'S JUST TALKING TO THEM, WOAHHHH

Wei Wuxian helplessly listening to them argue over his inventions is so funny to me

"IS WEI YOUR DAD?!??" "HE'S MY IDOL!!"

The way that Wei Wuxian just gives up and peaces out

Fighting with a donkey now

Take the fucking apple, you dumbass

How old is this woman? She looks about twenty five

IT'S JUST LIKE IN MINECRAFT

Push her off, it'd be so funny and no one would know

Yo, what is Yan doing?? She's busting some moves

Does he just flick any random person?

Ohhhh, I see

Got killed by the mist, that's an embarrassing way to go

Bro is dead, goddamn. Poor lass has no soul

This woman has been through so much, she doesn't deserve it

Someone's catching humans, cannibals in every universe

JIN LING!!! <3

Laughing at the richness of people

"Naur, stay up there. See you later xoxo"

How is this woman here????

LITTLE APPLE BEHAVE YOURSELF

It's fine, he's wearing a mask that covers his eyes

"It's you?" Aw shit, the guy who was a baby when you were around is onto you

Joking, he knows Mo Xuanyu

Mock him and see how it ends up

BRO JUST INSULTED HIM BECAUSE HE'S MOTHERLESS

Stop trying to get up, jesusss

Nice throw

He looks so done with people's shit

STOP FUCKING MOCKING HIM, WEI WUXIAN

Oh, hey Jiang Cheng, you're baby girling quite hard today

No need to crush it

"break his legs? No, feed him to your dog, kiddo"

His boyfriend has come to rescue him

"I'm so unlucky today", on the contrary, I think you're very lucky, these characters are key to the plot and you didn't even have to go looking for them!!

I like the music that plays when the Lan Clan is around

Lan Jingyi stepping up for his father- teacher

Lan Sizhui, how do you know so much

HE CAST THE SILENCE SPELL, I LOVE HIM

He says it like a slur hahahaha

Lan Wangji is too busy mewing, don't break his streak!!

"If you don't get that spirit, don't come back to me!!" Jin Ling was never seen again 😔

He's like a grumpy toddler, I love him so

"Don't worry, we'll pay for the nets we broke!" "Nuh uh!!" Lan Sizhui, you're an angel, don't listen to him

HIS MEWING STREAK NOOOOO

Nice voice though

"I thought I saw my boyfriend 😔"

There are spirits in the lake, I wouldn't suggest drinking from it

Jiang Yanli 😭😭😭

Stop smiling, you're hallucinating

Slander my boy and sees what happens

Slap yourself, go on, like the books

Don't put the blame all on him!!!

Nice, like the books

Feel the shame

That cannot be comfortable, those are literal rocks

LITTLE APPLE!!

He's like they're little leader

That's a fast old man

Lan Jingyi's first instinct is to point a sword at an old man, lmaaoooo

"anything strange here?" "Duh"

Leaving him alone while he's trying to give important plot information, rude

Glowing grass, what the fuck

I think you should eat some

He just wants to clean, leave him alone

WEN QING!!!!!!

Flashbacks lmao

Where'd the old man go

Dirty

No way is that naturally formed

Lan Jingyi, you're surprisingly knowledgeable..I didn't know you could read

Jin Ling and his group of people

AAAAAHH WHAT THE FUCK

"what's up baby girls"

Ugh, it's been moving for a while now

Maybe you should, I don't know, LISTEN TO THE GUY WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING??

Also, y'all ditched him, minus points

"We're out" "fuck, y'all are gonna soooo be punished"

The look he gave, as if this isn't like, a sixteen seventeen year old. No, wait, he's probably eighteen...how old was he before Wei Wuxian's death? ANYWAY

Criticising the Lan education system while you're at it

"wait, you can't be crazy, because that makes sense!!" Lan Jingyi my beloved

Shit, my cover as a crazy person has been blown

Are they having a mewing contest or what?

Well done, Lan Jingyi

WHERE'S MY NEPHEW

I swear it wasn't that big before

Y'all are doing a shit job at running from something this slow

Nice attack, it's still stone though

Dude, listen to Lan Sizhui

"Hey, my sword 🥺😔"

Considering this flute playing is supposed to be shit, it's not too bad

"ugh, you're playing the flute this bad? You must be crazy" Lan Jingyi, make up your mind

STOOOOOP JIN LING

Nice kick, it's still stone though

WEN NING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S HERE TO KICK SOME ASS FOR YOU!!!!

They both look mildly terrified

Dude killed it so easy, well done. Naur, it's just an illusion.

"y'all, no need to be scared, the Yiling Patriarch ain't here" he's standing over there, wearing a mask

I THOUGHT THE LANS WERE BETTER THAN THIS

Luring him over with shitty flute playing

LET GO OF THE COMEDIC RELIEF

His robes are even blowing, just for you

Me leading my next snack away from the bag

Walk faster, goddamn

"hey bbg, it's been a while"

Listen guys, I know you're in love but there's a corpse there

He flew away, like Jesus

So...how is everyone surprised when they do turn out to be gay???

DON'T PIN THE BLAME ON HIM. MY MAN'S IS GUILTY BUT PRETTY

Uhh uh oh. Mom and dad are fighting again

Lan Wangji already looks so bored

The fucking GLARE I CAN'T

"Take off the mask!!!" "Nuh uh, I'm too handsome"

Lan Jingyi needs to stop being smart, it's scaring me

Stoooop, he didn't kill his brother

Okay, so he did, but he didn't want to!!!

He passed out, okay man

Answer the stupid call

FAMILY!!!!!!!

They're so happy 😔

Give him what he wants, it's SYMBOLISM

Lecturing him better than Lan Qiren

You lost him already, not very good at this, ey?

Alcoholic

Of course he will, it's Wei Wuxian

They're so happy :(

[fandomfluffandfuck]

back again w another ask ab steve's chest bc he has bigger tits than me and i'm jealous.

this video came up on my x feed and immediately i had to save it. i'm picturing steve dating a bucky who's much smaller than him - they look like the kind of couple where it's obvious who's the top, who holds the other down and has his way with them. everyone sees them and assumes it's steve who has the control, but behind closed doors it's an entirely different story.

when they're alone, bucky will get his hands on steve anywhere and everywhere. he's a groper, loves touching his boyfriend's hot skin and murmuring appreciative things in his ears.

he'll slip his hands around steve's tiny waist and tell him how much he loves being able to grab him there and put him wherever he wants. he'll flatten his hands against steve's stomach and whisper how much it turns him on that he can manhandle such a strong guy like steve. he'll grab steve's ass and nip at his earlobe and tell him how he can't wait to fuck him until he can't think.

but above all, steve's favourite is when bucky touches his chest. they don't even have to be doing something sexual. sometimes they'll be lying on the couch, relaxing, and bucky will lay his head between steve's pecs with a hand under his own cheek. that kind of touch alone makes steve's nipples harden no matter how hard he tries not to let it.

and when bucky gets rough, gets handsy and starts touching on his tits in a different way? steve's a mess.

neither of them are shy about how much steve loves his chest played with. bucky's even gone so far as to put him in shirts that are much too tight just to see it bounce a little when steve walks, or tank tops with such thin straps that they barely cover anything at all, making the idea of even wearing it pointless.

bucky loves wrapping his arms around steve from behind after he's been on a run, when his skin is all hot and flushed pink. he loves turning steve's head to kiss him and just framing steve's chest with his hands, grabbing two handfuls of his tits and squeezing. steve will get so hard so fast, his knees buckling once bucky starts pinching his nipples and flicking them. steve loves the sharp sting of it and it goes right to his dick, making his shorts tent embarrassingly outward as bucky kisses the life out of him from behind.

he can come like that. he has, before. after a particularly exhausting morning run, he'd come home to bucky staring him down like he wanted to eat him alive, and then bucky had pinched and flicked and pulled at his nipples whilst he straddled steve's lap and rolled his hips into him once, twice. steve hadn't even had time to take off his shorts. he'd come with a whine, messing up the inside of his underwear with his chest still heaving under bucky's hands.

that will be all. thank you.

Lmao, if I had a dime for every time someone said Chris/Steve has bigger boobs than them, I wouldn't be rich, but... I wouldn't be poor, either, so 👀

I'm so sad that the linked video doesn't work on my end because the description you described... 🥴🥴😮‍💨 that video had to be insane

You already know how fucking much I love big, sensitive, submissive Steve and you know how much I love Steve's tits so you have to know that this is straight up fucking MURDER

Jesus Fuck, the way you describe Bucky on him, groping him, after a run and his running shorts-? (I'm picturing those short, 70s style running shorts and it's making me want to growl). Too good.

You have no mercy, and it is incredible.

Thank you for the filth!! I have re-read this too many times already, and I will continue to do so 👀