#february is when i figured out the basics of how i want to do shading

[aces-parrows]

heartfelt roommates | xiaojun

pairing: college au!xiaojun x male!reader word count: 2k genre: fluff, imagine warning(s): not proofread summary: your have become enamored by your roommate, but you know you don't have a chance with him. or, do you?

it started as an ordinary day for xiaojun, just like any other... but by the time the day ended, he would realize that things were about to change in a huge way.

〰・♡・〰

xiaojun was roommates with you, both of you were college students. when you guys had first met, not only were you surprised to hear he had come from china to study in the us, but he also was fluent in english. it wasn't that you didn't think xiaojun would be capable, but by his accent, you would have assumed he grew up speaking both.

"hey, i'm xiaojun!" he spoke excitedly, "i'm your roommate this semester!"

"i'm y/n." you spoke, reaching out to shake his hand. it was so soft, almost like a warm cloud was holding your hand.

the first week of being roommates had its ups and downs. you two needed time to adjust to how the other functioned, your schedules, social lives; almost everything. however, you both were respectful as you navigated sharing a dorm together. at first, it may have been frustrating when someone tapped their pencil too much or was loudly talking on a group call with their friends, but there came a point where you two talked and figured out how to work around these things.

the rest of that first month ran a lot more smoothly. while you two may have been studying different things, you still find time to hang out and bond. whether that was helping each other with assignments, playing video games together, or just going out to enjoy some food; you two were becoming more than rommates were shared the same room.

you two also found ways to enjoy the quiet when the other wasn't around. for example, when xiaojun went out to eat or do something fun with his friends, you'd take this time to study, work on personal hobbies and projects, or just simply relax and enjoy a good book or web comic.

over time, you started noticing the little things about xiaojun that you hadn't noticed before. of course, when you two had first met, it was almost impossible to miss his thick eyebrows. they were a really defining feature of his, but soon you realized other things. the way his face would contort into a multitude of expressions as he played on his playstation or even the love he had for legos. sometimes, just the way he slept got your heart fluttering as if a million butterflies broke free in your stomach, causing your heart to pick up speed while your eyes remained fixated on your peaceful roommate.

〰・♡・〰

on a cool february night, you were quietly studying on your bed. you had a test coming up in a couple days, which some of the assigned reading hadn't yet been completed. as you made highlights in your textbook, jotting down the basic idea of said highlighted text, xiaojun sat in his bed video calling one of his friends back in china.

when you looked over a few minutes later, you noticed he had fallen asleep. his friend was still on call, but they weren't saying anything. xiaojun's chest gently rose and fell in a soothing rhythm, his features soft and relaxed. his hands rested softly on his stomach, his upper half propped up against the wall. something about this sight made you want to kick your feet and giggle like some sort of school girl, but you refrained and just softly smiled. he needed his rest. he was a hard worker. he was juggling both college, a part time job, and spent the afternoon building his pc after class.

when he woke up, it seemed as though he was confused but attempted to play it off. he cleared his throat and just continued speaking to his friend as if he didn't just wake up for a six minute nap. after his call, it seemed as though he remembered he wasn't alone in the room, to which he continued to play it off as he chuckled awkwardly, a hint of embarrassment tinted his cheeks a light shade of pink.

"i'm going to go take a shower." he said, exiting your room and off to do just that, not giving you the chance to speak.

you didn't understand why he seemed so embarrassed. you wouldn't have made fun of him. you might have let out a chuckle, but otherwise would encourage him to rest. however, you just played along to ease your roommate's anxiety.

you never did stop thinking about that night. it was one of those small little memories that made your heart race in a way you hadn't ever experienced before. you felt a small sense of guilt for being attracted to your roommate, but there was some other part of you that yearned for his touch, his voice, everything.

〰・♡・〰

xiaojun was not oblivious to your attraction. well, not entirely. he didn't quite understand those moments you looked into his eyes a little longer than you should have, or the nights where you wanted to know more about his life. it was as if there was something about you that he picked up on subconsciously, but consciously he was clueless to what it was. for a time, he has just assumed him being a foreign student brought more interest to him than those who were born in the us.

while that was true, you also just couldn't get enough of him. he was almost as addictive as nicotine. you needed your fill of his presence, even if he didn't speak a word to you. hell, he could lay in his bed peacefully reading and that was enough to get your fill.

as the semester went on, you slipped in extra compliments here and there when you two did something together. you praised him more as he began to understand some of the concepts he was learning in his classes. you even bought him food to surprise him a couple times after a stressful week.

the more he talked or did anything really, you become more and more enamored by xiaojun. you struggled to get your eyes off him at times, causing some of his friends to joke that you liked him. considering you weren't a woman, xiaojun would brush it off and deny these claims. he didn't think men couldn't like other men, he just didn't think that another man could fall in love with him of all people.

xiaojun would go on quite a few dates with girls from campus, but it seemed as though they never panned out into anything more. though, it didn't seem to discourage him from trying again. even when things did not work out, you could hear some girls from your classes gushing over him. it made you slightly jealous they had more of a chance with such a gorgeous individual, but you understood that this is the way the cards are dealt.

〰・♡・〰

one night, xiaojun had laid in his bed, talking to a friend of his. as their conversation went on, he began to recall all the moments you two shared. he slowly realized the way your guys interactions had changed, especially over the last couple months. to him, you two had seemed like very close and affectionate male friends, but his friends always picked up on something more coming from your side of your shared interactions.

as he continued to recalled various compliments, kind gestures, and many other things he's subconsciously picked up on, xioajun then began to wonder if perhaps, what his friends were saying was true. though, he didn't know how to approach the subject. what if you were just a very affectionate guy who had no interest in men and he was completely misunderstanding you?

"hey, y/n?" xiaojun asked, breaking the silence in your dorm room.

"what's up?" you asked, looking up from your book.

"i apologize if this comes off the wrong way, i'm just curious." xiaojun started, "are you always this affectionate with your other friends?"

this question caused your heart for a second, making you worry perhaps you were becoming too obvious or making him uncomfortable.

"oh yeah, if it makes you uncomfortable, i'm sorry. i can tone it down if it really bothers you-"

"no! it's okay!" xiaojun said with a giggle, cutting you off from finishing the sentence. "really, it's okay. i was just curious is all."

you nodded and went back to your book, hoping he didn't realize how bright red your cheeks were becoming. it felt as though someone had set them on fire the moment you fully processed his question, revealing what he had picked up on over time.

a few days later, on the way back from the dining hall, xiaojun asked another question.

"i know we haven't known each other for long, but i can't help but think that there's something different to our relationship. i feel like you look at me different than when we first met."

he then stopped and stood in front of you in the empty living area outside the rooms. everyone else was having dinner still, but you guys finished early to enjoy some games before you both had to get ready for bed, so it was just you two in this area. you looked into his eyes, unable to look away although you desperately wanted to avoid his curious gaze.

"i was just wondering, if maybe there was maybe something more between us?" he asked, completely catching you off guard. now, your eyes were darting from left to right, to the floor and back at his eyes. you bit your lip nervously, attempting to find the word for your answer. ultimately, you decided to confess. if he rejected you, perhaps it would make the process of moving on easier. it would be painful, but maybe that's what you needed to move on.

"xiaojun," you began, "there's something i've been wanting to tell you, for a while now. i'm not sure how you will take this, but... i've developed a crush on you. i tried to keep it to myself, but looking back, i guess i just became more obvious over time. i just really like you, you're a dream in every way possible."

xiaojun just stood there for a second, not sure how to react. his expression didn't show he felt any negative emotions towards your confession, if anything, he was a bit confused. while his suspicions were proven to be true, he wasn't really sure how he could have been so oblivious even when everyone had been telling him this was the case. he then smiled, almost every one of his features showing just how awstruck he was at the news.

"you really feel that way about me?" he said, his eyes sparkling more glitter.

you nodded shyly, your eyes once again darting between his gaze and the floor beneath your feet. you cheeks turned red along with your ears, a faint smile spreading across your face. you felt dizzy from the emotions swirling around inside you.

"i really like you."

"do you want to see if we work as a couple? just try it out and see how we feel afterward? i don't want to make things awkward between us, but i can't stop thinking about the chemistry we have. i feel like we could really be great together…"

your smile was no longer faint, now a wide grid as you excitedly nodded. upon agreeing to this offer, you both hugged for a moment, taking in the way you both seemed to perfectly fit into each others' arms. all your senses took in the other. their smell, the fabric of your clothes, the way you both seemed to have such relaxed breaths despite your hearts pounding. it felt so perfect for this moment.

you both headed back to the dorms to play video games as planned, this time hand in hand. neither of you could believe what had just happened, and just how easy it said to say these things to each other. how easy it was to feel this way around another person. it was like a romance novel, but this was a true.

[pisoprano]

My current art process (July 2022)

Thought it might be fun to show off some of my (still developing) artistic process since some of the other Miraculous Ladybug comic creators I’m a fan of have done so recently (and I need to work on being my own hype person).

[note: this is all in reference to my ML fan comic Runaway Catwalker, which updates at @runawaycatwalker​ ]

Before I do anything, I write the script.  Since words are cheap, I might write out the same scene/beats out several times coming from various angles to give myself fodder for what I eventually will use in-comic (at least a third of my 43k draft document right now is stuff I’ve already thrown out, and much more of it will be cut as I transition the words to the comic page).  For example, here’s an alternate version of the interaction that takes place on Page 10:

When I’m ready to start working on the next installment, I pull up my comic template and start making sketches to get a feel for the layout.

Earlier on, my sketching process was more deliberately messy, with handwritten text and a larger line weight.  I soon stopped doing this since I realized that I was investing in a version of the comic that wouldn’t exist, so it’s better to just use all the same basic tools regardless of what phase of the process I was in.

This is more how I do my sketches now:

Once I’ve sketched out the full comic page, I start working on the lineart, using the sketch layer as a mostly-transparent guide.  If anything is in the background (or otherwise is complicated), I’ll use multiple lineart layers to keep things separate if I so I can easily adjust things later.

Then I start adding colors. By now, I’ve got a dedicated color palette for all the reoccurring characters (plus some other colors that come in handy) and any variations in shade just come from the fact that my main color layer is at 80% opacity.  In cases where colors might seem complicated (such as Ladybug’s spots, Alya’s shirt, or things with fading colors), I’ll often ink in oversimplified colors for the character that I’ll add details to later.  If the colors are for magic powers or tears, those get their own color layer.

On the occasions when I actually put effort into my backgrounds, I’ll pull up a reference from the Miraculous Ladybug Wiki to use.  Otherwise, I’m usually content to let page’s overall color and/or some vaguely colored blobs do the trick.

At some point, I’ll start adding ovals/rectangles to my Speech Bubbles layer and panel divisions to my Front Panels layer and realize that--no matter how much I tried to account for the room available--I will be covering up something I didn’t mean to and therefore I will have to start moving pictures around and/or figure out how to convey things in fewer words.  I’m usually not entirely happy with the final layout, but I think it’ll be easier to live with now that I’ve decided to now include the version without text bubbles in the Read More of my posts.

Back when I first started making this comic, blissfully unaware that it was about to take over my life, I put additional effort into adding shading.  That was abandoned by page 3.  I’m not even a quarter of the way through what I want to do yet and I’ve been at it since February, so as far as I’m concerned, avoiding shading means I’m saving my sanity in the long run.

The final step (besides actually posting it) is creating the image description for the page.  This usually consists of me copying all the text boxes into a document, fixing any typos, and then trying to describe what I see in each panel.  It’s an interesting exercise for me, as a writer who seldom describes anything in prose, to try to reverse engineer visual storytelling, but I hope it helps people get a better read on what’s going on in the comic.

And that’s it!  Hopefully that was interesting to you, let me know if you have any questions.

[angelicmichael]

Willow

Michael Langdon x reader

Summary: Reader, who is a witch (not tied to the og coven) is best friends with Michael. They decide to spend Valentines day together in outpost three. Based on this post, and the 'willow' music video by Taylor Swift.

Words: 3.0k+

Warnings: mentions of rituals/covens (its vague tho), slow burn, light angst, mutual pining, gross fluff, plot heavy and VERY descriptive I'm sorry dhdhd, valentines day fic, mentions of food, friends to lovers

A/N: yall rlly liked my last Michael blurb so I made this kinda similar!! Also the idea of witch! Reader not being tied to the og coven is NOT my idea, others have done it before - I just did it cause it made sense w the music video this fic is based off of ✌🏻. This is mostly me self indulging ngl so if the fic doesnt make sense that's why haha. The v beginning is like Sojourn! Era and then the rest of the fic is somewhere between fire & reign and outpost era. this fic is rlly just me trying to say happy early mf valentines day !! 💖💖 okay bye

February 14th was always a day you dreaded; The idea and concept of a whole fucking holiday being dedicated to just love.. really put a bitter taste in your mouth. In your opinion, it was just a reason for couples to show a disgusting amount of PDA and get away with it.

However; due to a incredibly corny and cliché situation you found yourself in; you now were seeing the incoming holiday in a different light. When you thought of the holiday.. You first thought of Michael. Michael Langdon.

Meeting Michael at all was a complete accident - You met months ago in fall; on a dark cloudy night. Every detail from that evening was etched and woven into your mind as if it had just happened yesterday; and you could only hope that it would remain that way forever. After all; that was the night when you had met your favorite person. You even remembered the weather.. The bitterness of the cold wind making it seem as if it was seconds from storming.

You were part of a small coven which was meeting due to a full moon, it was a rather mundane and basic ritual you were preforming. One of which you had preformed more times you could even count on your fingers.. However; what made that ritual special is that your coven happened to be recruiting.

Full black outfits, including thin, long cloaks is what everyone wore to the occasion.. After everything was over and done with; you went to leave - the bitter coldness of the night urging you to leave rather quickly.

However; something.. almost a invisible force made you stop walking away from the crowd and made you physically stop. You slowly stopped walking; and turned around. You sharply gasped when you saw a figure directly in front of you - wearing a dark ensemble that matched yours nearly identically.

Immediately you grew weary. A sharp, nauseated feeling started to manifest inside of you.

"Were you following me"? You spoke with your voice raised, your hands which previously fell loosely at your side were starting to curl into fists.

You could feel yourself getting defensive. You quickly flicked your eyes over at the other coven members - making sure you weren't causing a scene; not wanting to draw attention to the situation until it grew necessary.

"Yes, but.. look. I just wanted to talk to you.. away from the others". The boy stated.

You bit your lip to suppress a groan. You rolled your eyes, not really caring that he could see how bothered you were.

"Fine. But c'mon, make it quick". You said, not trying to hide the irritation in your voice.

You turned around and walked a few feet away from the crowd, not looking back but merely expecting him to follow you. You were expecting he was just another newbie with dumb questions, or needed clarification on something.

You turned to talk to him, and that's when you noticed something you about him you seemed to overlook earlier - his beauty. You were completely taken aback and breath taken. Light blue eyes met your gaze as you stared blankly at him; momentarily stunned. He looked beyond ethereal; his pale cheeks flushed a light pink from the cold and his blonde hair looked as if it could be spun from gold. It was almost like he could sense how you were suddenly taken aback.. A smug smirk played on his lips; if you didn't know any better you would say he almost seemed cocky.

"There's something about you that's different from the others. I could sense it". He stated.

"How"? You stuttered.

You watched as he took a couple steps toward you and in one quick swoop, pushed the hood of his cloak fully back. He got even closer but you didn't dare move. You watched him curiously as he turned to the side, pushing his blonde locks of hair out of the way to show you something behind his ear.. Your blood instantly went cold once you saw three sixes; however you weren't scared. In fact you were really the first person that Michael met that didn't practically faint when they saw his mark. Looking back; you supposed that's why you and Michael bonded so quickly and became so close.

It didn't take long for him after that to confine in you that people either avoided him or became obsessed once they knew; both reactions ultimately stemming from fear. You were the first person to look past that and to just see him as a actual human being - not just a vessel for some fucked up prophecy to play out.

Even though Michael's beauty was undeniable to you; the relationship you two had was strictly platonic.. and in the past that was never something that bothered you. You supposed that he was tired of people throwing themselves at his feet and what he really needed more than anything was a friend - so you chose to be that for him, not daring to try and test the boundaries your relationship had.

However; the boundaries were seemingly starting to come down naturally - because your relationship wasnt entirely platonic anymore. Things between you two weren't exactly black and white as they used to be; a great example of this, was how you two were planning on spending Valentines Day together.

You and Michael agreed to spend it as friends. Neither of you had a date and spending Valentines alone when you had Michael seemed redundant.. and honestly just boring. Instead of making Valentines day an all day event; it started for you two as a 'date' at 6 pm.

In order to avoid having to confront putting a label on your.. situationship, the venue for your lavish Valentines date was at a more.. private venue. He only gave you a address and instructions, you didn't really know what exactly to expect but you knew you weren't going to his house. It was somewhere new.

It was nearly six pm, the sun had just set - leaving the sky a shade somewhere between navy blue and pure black. The air was cold on your skin as you stepped out of the car, wondering where the hell you even were.

The area you found yourself in was completely bare and void of any trees, the only object or building you saw was a giant, black, metal structure. The instructions Michael gave you had told you about this but.. seeing it in person was merely jarring, oddly unsettling. You approached it, trying to ignore the nerves and anxiety you could feel creeping in.

You couldn't help but wonder what the hell this place was and why out of all the places you two could have a 'date', it would have to be here?

As you stood in front of an elevator - stepping in, you felt very reluctant to do so. It definitely felt a bit weird that Michael wanted to meet you in such a secluded place but.. he was your best friend. He would never hurt you.. especially on valentines day.. Right?

The doors opened and you slowly stepped out, immediately taken back. You were now in a oval room, with a long hallway stretching out. You first quickly scanned your surroundings for Michael but, he wasnt here. Not in your line of vision anyway. You nearly forgot you were here for Michael at all for a second. The interior was breathtaking; resembling a old, Victorian style mansion. Even though you were still utterly confused; Michaels reasoning for choosing this venue was starting to become more clear to you.

It was the cozy, romantic vibe the 'house' seemed to radiate. The dim lighting also amplified this affect; seemingly giving everything in sight a subtle golden glow, otherwise everything remained relatively dark. You walked through the building; down hallways, looking for any sounds of life at all. Your witchy senses didn't always work on Michael, so you didn't even bother to try to use those. He was right about how you were powerful but, his powers still outshone yours unfortunately.

You finally heard something, something faint; soft music playing distantly in the background. You followed it swiftly, the music getting louder and louder until you found him - in what appeared to be the library.

The room was immense; books were lined on shelves that bordered the room. Couches, along with a decent sized fireplace and chandelier - and of course a record player, also resided in the library. Playing a tune that sounded similar but you couldn't quite remember what it was.. whatever it was, it sounded old and romantic - maybe from the 50s.

"Your not very good at hiding, you know. The music was a dead giveaway". You commented playfully.

Michael greeted you with a smirk, obviously holding back laughter. He stood up from one of the couches; approaching you. He looked incredibly handsome in the normal black ensemble he was wore but tonight he sported a long black coat. Making you fondly nostalgic of the night you two met.

He got dangerously close to you, almost in your face but you weren't intimidated. Plus, you knew he wasnt trying to actually intimidate you. Michael being the way he was; you knew he wouldn't have asked you to spend Valentines with him if he didn't tolerate you in some way.

"Its a good thing I wasnt trying to hide then, is it"? He spoke; his eyes pierced into yours.

The direct eye contact was starting to get unnerving and so was the.. apparent tension. You took a step back, looking away and laughing awkwardly - trying to remind yourself you two were strictly friends. Best friends, in fact. Nothing more.. and nothing less.

"So.. what even is this place? You don't own this or something.. do you"? You asked, slyly changing the topic.

"Actually I do. It's being saved for something I have in the works; but nothing's official yet. I wanted to get your opinion though.. what do you think"? Michael asked.

Even though you absolutely loved, whatever the hell this place even was, something.. felt off. Perhaps it was the fact it was completely secluded and private. Too private. You knew Michael was into some weird shit with the Satanists but; you figured he would atleast tell you by now if he was planning on something big with them.. Something that would require a huge fucking mansion underground.

"This place is beautiful, Michael. But what is it for"?

"Your too eager for your own good, (y/n). You will know in due time, I promise; but for now.. come sit with me".

He gently grabbed your wrist and guided you over to one of the bare, black couches; you followed - sitting next to him.

The hours continuing were filled with incredibly cheesy gestures that you only rolled your eyes at, and teased him for. The first being a few small, pink flowers he had conjured up and then tucked into your hair. At first you really thought nothing of it, they were just pretty flowers. However; you knew due to Michael's nature that he didn't just so happen to come across those flowers, he summoned them purposefully - specifically for you.. You didn't bother to try and hide how flustered this made you.

"Those are beautiful; what are they"? You asked, gesturing to the flowers.

"Thought you'd never ask. Wild roses. They hold many meanings; most agree they represent both love, suffering, beauty.. life. They're even said to protect the living from the dead".

You couldn't help but to laugh at his explanation.

"Will they protect me from you? You know your not exactly human yourself". You teased.

The corner of Michael's lips slid into a slow smile, one that you couldn't quite decipher whether it was an ironic or genuine gesture.

You nearly jumped at how quickly one of Michael's hands suddenly slid up into your hair; seemingly picking out one of the petals that had fallen from one of the flowers - he retracted his hand, holding onto the petal.

"No. Your going to need something stronger than that to keep me away". He said playfully, before crushing the already wilted petal in his hand - letting it fall carelessly to ground.

You could only roll your eyes.

Next came the food and well.. you were beyond impressed. Your not certain exactly how he managed to get your favorite food down who knows how many feet underground, but.. he did. And it was perfect.

You were both pretty quiet during that time; Michael didn't really have a reason to be but you couldn't help but to get lost within your thoughts. Sure; you two were best friends but.. that didn't necessarily warrant him to do all of this for you. Was it possible that he felt.. something else, like you did?

You couldn't help but to shut that thought down as quick as it came; that had to just be you projecting. There was no way in hell he could love you back..

Wait.. love?

It was like a involuntary reflex the way you suddenly jolted up and backed away from the table. Even though it was just a thought, the fact you just admitted to yourself that you loved him.. What the fuck did that even mean?

Michael looked startled at well, you could tell by the color of his knuckles that he now had a death grip on his silverware. His icy, blue eyes matched yours with a startled gaze.. As if he was trying to contemplate your next move or to get a good read on you. You were more than well acquainted with Michael's powers by now; you knew how he had the ability to read minds and that's partially why you found yourself, slowly at first, starting to take steps away from him. Wanting desperately to get the fuck away from him. You knew that if Michael even suspected what you were thinking or how you felt, that your friendship could possibly be over. That would be it, he would want absolutely nothing to do with you. You would be no better than the dozens of women and even men that threw themselves at Michael; Maybe even worse.

You made it down a random hallway until you found yourself physically colliding into him - fucking transmutation.

You felt a sudden urge to just turn around to try and escape again but you knew he wouldn't let you. Instead you let yourself be captive, you let him hold you. Gently encasing you into a hug. It was painful how hard you were trying to hold back your tears - blindly running away was already embarrassing enough, letting him see you cry would be too much.. Too much for one night, anyways. You felt him let go of you - stepping back a little bit in order to make eye contact with you.

"What has gotten into you-" He started.

"Michael- I'm so sorry but I just need to go. We can talk about this tomorrow but for now I just really need to be alone-"

You tried to turn around in order to make another (more calm) attempt at leaving but you felt something grab at your wrist, yet again. His grasp, along with his hand were achingly soft. You hated how much you enjoyed him making physical contact with you - even if it was something just as docile as this. You also couldn't help but to hate the spark of electricity you felt when his skin touched yours - and you couldn't help but to wonder whether he felt it too.

"No. I need to know what I did wrong. I'm not letting us end today like this". Michael said, his voice was strained with emotion.

His words were spoken urgently, his voice unsteady and even threatening to break.. That's when you knew you completely fucked up. He totally misinterpreted your actions.. the sudden realization hit you, piercing your heart like a knife.

"No, your right. Can we sit"? You asked.

He let go of your wrist coldly, sauntering out of the hallway you two were in. You would be lying if you were to admit that his sudden cold actions didn't hurt you; it definitely stung but you couldn't help to feel in this moment that you kind of deserved it.

The walk over was quiet and even a bit awkward. When you two sat; he looked at you expectedly.. waiting for you to talk first and explain your sudden, impulsive actions.

"It wasnt you.. that's not why I tried to leave at all, Michael. You did everything right. I mean that's really the 'problem', even though calling it a problem still isn't the right word but.." You paused before carrying on.

"What you did tonight for me was perfect, and I'm so thankful for that, truly. But I just feel like I'm starting to interpret your actions in a different way than in which you mean them and that's not fair to you. I know you just want a friend-" Your words continuously came out faster the longer you spoke, you were completely rambling at this point but Michael stopped you.

"Hey, stop". He said softly.

You felt as if you were dreaming when you saw him start to move closer to you.. it happened so quickly it almost felt fake. Michael gently pushed you back onto the couch, so that you were basically laying down flat on your back. You pulled him back with you so that he was on top, your hands automatically going to his shoulders.. feeling the sudden urge to yank his black top off and to feel his skin under your palms. The feeling was tempting; you could feel how hot his skin was even with his shirt on. You assumed your hands were cold by the way Michael shivered and even groaned when you touched him, that had to be the only logical explanation for him acting like that..

The manner in which he bent down, his lips getting closer and closer to yours was nothing but diabolic. He stopped until the point where his lips were just ghosting above yours - maybe only really a mere centimeter away from touching. It felt entirely far too tempting to just - barely tilt your head forward and stop whatever game your friend Langdon was trying to play, but.. you didnt. In reality; the teasing was far too delicious for you to want it to end so soon.

"Who said I just wanted to be friends"? He whispered.

You could taste his breath as he spoke, you felt trapped.. But if you were to be honest with yourself, you wouldn't rather spend Valentines Day any other way than in this manner.. Trapped with your absolute favorite person, with nothing else in the world to do but to get lost in each other.

His lips roughly collided with yours with such passion that you really haven't ever felt before. It threw you off guard for a moment, but you figured there was no sense in shying from it. You had been craving to be loved by him for so long; craving for him to touch you like this and now that it was finally happening.. you only relaxed and embraced the feeling.

Time slipped away from you far too quickly but after all; time didn't really feel real at all when you were underground in a bunker. No windows or clocks to help ground you back into reality..

You knew it was atleast passed midnight now; hours had passed and you two were now residing in one of the random rooms that you had come to learn was of 'Outpost Three'. It was apparent how careful he was with his words when he told you about the place; almost like he didn't want to tell you too much. He told you most of everything, like the cooperative and how this building was for some type of event that would be taking place in the summer but you didn't probe farther. You knew he would tell you in all due time.

You two were lying on a random, spare bed. It was luxurious and dangerously soft, but if you were honest - the sheets almost seemed scratchy in comparison to Michaels bare skin. Your head wasnt on a pillow but instead on Michael's bare chest, his rhythmic heart beat nearly lulling you to sleep. Almost putting you in some type of odd trance.

You both watched the movie that was playing on his laptop; propped up on a few sparse pillows at the end of the bed. Although you really weren't trying to keep up with what was happening or what the actors were even saying. Instead, you chose to be fully present with Michael, almost entranced in his presence. You two weren't talking but, just being surrounded by him - feeling his fingers lazily playing with your hair was heaven to you.

You still felt as if you were in a dream. After all in what timeline would you ever be so lucky to call someone like Michael, yours?? Even though you two weren't exactly official, you really didn't mind at this moment. Labels only seemed to really complicate things and in your opinion; you felt more than privileged to just sit here entangled with Michael, and to escape the rest of reality for a while.

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon

[lucysweatslove]

The last month has been difficult for me for reasons I still don’t really understand. Maybe it’s the “still snowing in Spring” vibes or something else, idk, but now that it’s April and I’m only a few weeks away to 28, I feel ready to move forward again.

I stopped going to the gym when I started feeling sick again, idk maybe late February or early March, but I have been walking a lot more with Oreo playing Pokémon. I was feeling burned out I think, and I figured it was better to rest and find another form of activity I could enjoy than create additional stress in my life. Somehow without the gym, this also coincided with being absolutely ravenous, but our oven wasn’t lighting and we had to wait until 3/26 to get it fixed (problem: a pan was pressing on something, that’s it, so thats stupid and our management company charged us the $115 for the technician because ‘it wasn’t a problem with the oven itself’). My heart was feeling physically funny, and when I was looking back at the high amounts of potassium in my diet, I thought maybe that was the issue. So I kinda just gave myself permission to eat all the sodium-filled salty snacks and foods. I feel really puffy now (again a physical sensation, not an emotional one). Idk I haven’t weighed myself and I probably won’t for a while, but weight gain is definitely a major possibility.

I’m okay with all of this because I’m a dynamic person with complex needs. I wasn’t lazy or acting against my “best interest” (whatever that means). I listened to my body, found ways to recuperate myself, was still active, and I focused on other aspects of my well-being.

Highlights of the last month;

Reorganized and cleaned up my bathrooms to facilitate better overall personal care habits.

Prioritized dental care. I think I got my fillings in March (after over a couple years without seeing a dentist). I found fluoride mouthwash that is both SLS/SLES and alcohol free, so it doesn’t desquamate my cheeks. Two new fluoride toothpastes that are also SLS/SLES free. While cleaning, I cleaned up my Sonicare, put a new head on it, and have been using it much more consistently. I also got organizer bins for my drawer and now have a place for floss and have been flossing almost daily.

Set up a new skincare routine. I took a couple days off recently, but I have a huge routine now with products I’ve had for a little bit but could never use consistently. I’m tracking it with an app literally just called “skincare.” My splotchy, rosacea-prone face is still not GREAT, but it really does seem to be getting better!

Started doing my makeup more often and am challenging myself with “sisters pick my eyeshadow” where both my sisters pick a shade for me to use. The point of this is to try to challenge myself creatively.

As I mentioned before, lots more walking through Pokémon Go. I probably walked about 120km or about 75 miles (hard to know for sure since I don’t keep careful track and can’t remember where I “started” on the game this month). Usually, Oreo and so will do about 5km or 3mi at a time but we definitely don’t go out every day since we both are not a fan of actively snowy days. Yesterday though we walked about 12km, so we started April off with a bang lol.

Got another raise at work. I don’t know how the wage model works for my account since it’s different than literally any other account in the company, and it’s still pretty paltry, but I’m literally not trying at all to get raises, just doing my best without overextending myself on my work days.

Actually made a list of potential schools to apply to. Husband and I are gonna go over them tomorrow so he has a say in where we can potentially live (he can veto locations he absolutely does not want to move to for whatever reasons).

More recently, got into slime. I’ve had a couple days where my anxiety has left me basically in bed, and I’m hoping this can be a grounding sensory tool.

Oh, I almost forgot! Started treating my nighttime nasal blockage for potential allergies! Flonase, antihistamines, and decongestants. I’m not sure how much it’s helping right now, but I know it’s the first step no matter what the pathophys is,

Not a bad month even if I didn’t do yoga or go into the gym. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[essenceofthemusical]

Deviating from Gender Norms - Villain Cover Yuu Miyashita, Flower/Teniwoha

The song “Villain,” by Teniwoha and originally sung by the Vocaloid voice bank Flower, was posted onto Youtube on February 7th, 2020. The video currently has nearly 22,000,000 views, and has been covered several times by Japanese singers online. Most notably, the song has been covered by well known Japanese singer and Youtuber, Yuu Miyashita, who is known for covering many Vocaloid songs.

The song “Villain,” tells the story of a transgender man who likes men, but is seen by society as a “villain,” because of his deviant gender and sexuality. The song “Villain,” perfectly embodies the scrutiny and villainization queer individuals face for not fitting into social norms. 

Gender:

While not explicitly stated, we can infer the main character of “Villain,” is most likely a transgender man. This is implied by certain lines in the song, such as, “I wear different clothes and pretend to be a boy in front of you,” and “Keeping my deviated nature (gender) a secret again. Would two stamens only face a dead end?” Here we can confirm that our main character is a person who doesn’t fit into their assigned gender at birth. Our main character’s masculine attire throughout the song, comprised of pants and a hoodie, along with the line about two stamens, the male part of a flower, facing a dead end leans towards our main character viewing and identifying themselves as a transgender man. This is further supported by the chorus and concept of, “Mr. Crazy Villain Villain.” The use of the male title “Mr.” in “Mr. Crazy Villain,” who is also meant to be the main character, supports the idea that they view themselves as a man.

Color: 

Throughout the song, the main character’s hair switches between being blue and red. Blue and red is commonly associated with different genders, where red or pink is associated with women and femininity, and blue is associated with men and masculinity. In lines where our main character is doubting himself, such as, “Just holding hands will surely creep them out. I’ll be reported if I quit the “rat race.” It’s not a mutation; it’s just who I am.” his hair is red. In lines where our main character is embracing who he is, such as most notably at the end of the song, we see our protagonist laughing carefree dressed in a male school uniform with blue hair. Further supporting the notion that the main character is a transgender man. 

Traffic Lights:

We also see the use of red and blue color being utilized with the depictions of  traffic lights throughout the song. In Japan, green traffic lights are actually referred to as blue traffic lights. This is because a long time ago, the Japanese language only consisted of four basic colors: black, white, red and blue. Often times when something was green, it was described as “ao,” meaning blue. Therefore, items that were actually green, such as green apples, green bamboo, and green traffic lights, were referred to as being blue. This was the case in till the actual word for green, “midori,” was created. You can even still find some green items being labelled as blue today in Japan. The shade of traffic lights in Japan are actually a slightly different shade. Japanese traffic lights use the bluest-green shade for their traffic lights, in order to pass international traffic law decrees for there being a green traffic light, while also being blue enough to justify referring to traffic lights as “ao.” We see in “Villain,” when the traffic light blinks red, it signals a person walking symbol. When the traffic light blinks blue, it depicts a person standing stopped, signaling not to cross. Here the walking red signal represents that our main character is only free to advance, roam, and be accepted by society when they hide their true themselves, and conform to being a girl. The blue stopped signal represents that when our main character embraces who they are, their identity as a transgender male, they are no longer allowed to advanced and are instead stopped by society.  The symbol of a crossing sign also represents our main character being at a crossroads, where they have to either choose to embrace being their true self at the cost of being rejected by society, or they can be accepted by society, if they neglect and hide their true self. 

Homosexuality:

There are references to homosexuality as well throughout “Villain.” We see  references in the lines, “Would two stamens only face a dead end?...In the end, artificial flowers will bare fruit, too.” where our main character is asking if a male-on-male relationship could be successful. We also hear references to Ranpo in lines such as, “Hey, Hey, about the writer called Ranpo, called Ranpo. Do you know of him? Import you, import you.” Edogawa Ranpo is a Japanese author and critic who played a major role in the development of Japanese master and thriller fiction. During the 1930s, Ranpo held a competition with his friend Junichi Ivana, who was a historian who spent a lifetime researching homosexuality in Japan, to find the most books about love between two men. These references to Ranpo represent the main character wanting people to inform themselves on understanding homosexuality like Ranpo sought to. 

Being Closeted and Being Villainized:

Throughout, “Villain,” we see our main character battling between wanting to fully embrace their gender identity, but fearing public scrutiny. We see this in lines such as, “Nobody knows, I don’t want anyone to know what’s under my skin.” and “Nocturnal petals.” Here we see the main character wanting to stay in the closet and not have anyone know who they truly are, inferred by them not wanting anyone to see what is actually under their skin. The references to nocturnal petals relates to the same premise, as nocturnal flowers are plants that bloom only in the night, as they are averted to bright sunlight. In other words, our main character is similar to nocturnal flowers as they only feel comfortable revealing their true self when none is around to see or scrutinize them, like how a nocturnal flower blooms in the dark invisibility of the night. We know our main protagonist is scrutinized by society because of certain lines, such as, “They spread rumors that I’m “infringing” upon you,” and “To people who don’t even know me I am already a villain.” Here we see that because of our main character’s deviant gender, they are villainized by society and seen as encroaching on others. We see our main character combat this opposition through lines such as, “Do not be afraid, A wide variety of genders.” Here we see that the main character believes their gender identity is natural, and other’s shouldn’t be afraid of them for their gender identity. This concept is supported by the depiction of them holding a fish bowl, as some fish are known to be able to naturally change their sex. We also see references to villains through lines like “Dr. Duran Duran.” Dr. Duran Duran is a mad scientist from the 1968 science fiction film Barbarella. At the end of the song, our main character proclaims, “Dear Dr. Duran Duran (Hahahaha) I am here!” when he embraces his gender identity, and subsequently his role as a villain in society. 

Conclusion:

“Villain” by Teniwoha explores new paradigms of desire through its intersectionality between gender identity and sexuality. “Villain” explores consumption practices of queer texts by integrating references to nature and historical figures, such as Edogawa Ranpo, to express the mistreatment queer individuals face, merely for existing as their true themselves. “Villain” explores validation of queer lifestyles via media portrayal by showcasing the injustice and backlash a noncloseted queer individual can face from society. “Villain” explores the construction of sexual identities via pop culture inclusion, through the use of color and depiction of a crossroad, highlighting how social limitations can influence an individual’s journey of understanding and expressing their sexual identity. 

[themangledsans0508]

Pick-up Lines

My friend @traumatatic has given me permission to write another story based on their wonderful comics, check them out!: https://traumatatic.tumblr.com/post/170904809853/happy-valentines-2018-boiiiiii-pick-up-lines-are

Tweek waited outside Craig’s house. The sun was just rising over the mountains, bathing the land in a gentle light. He frequently looked over his shoulder out of habit. The bird’s songs comforted him slightly, helping him keep a grip on reality. He focused on the bird’s serenade, so much so that he failed to hear a door open behind him. 

He tried to identify the birds. Chickadee, Blue Jay, Robin-

“Help!” Craig’s voice snapped Tweek out of his thought train. His head whipped around in a panic, looking for the threat. All he saw was Craig standing with a smirk on his face. He took a few steps towards him before turning dramatically and falling. 

Tweek instinctively moved to catch him, one of his arms hooking around his shoulder and the other around his waist. His eyes filled with concern. He opened his mouth to talk.

“I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.” Craig’s eyes smiled at him, unlike Tweek’s own unamused ones. He frowned at him.

“Craig, you scared the shit out of me. I thought something was wrong” he scolded. Craig’s smile never faltered. 

“You forgive me, don’t you?” Tweek sighed.

“Yes, of course I do. Now get up before I drop you,” he half-joked. Craig straightened up, moving his arm to be around Tweek’s shoulders. 

“Fine then, let’s get going before we’re late for school.” He started walking, Tweek falling into step with him quickly.

~

Tweek didn’t exactly know why he felt safer at Craig’s house than he did his own, but it was a feeling he enjoyed. Sitting next to his partner, watching Red Racer as Craig flipped through images on his camera’s memory card. 

Click, click, click.

A steady sound. Tweek wondered just how many pictures Craig had on that card. It was a lot, and he was fairly sure after watching him tab through a fair amount that a lot of them were of him, and of those were taken while he wasn’t paying attention. 

Craig’s eyes darted from the camera to him. He smiled and leaned towards him. 

“Are you a camera?” he patted the aforementioned object that was hanging off a strap around his neck. He rested his elbow on the armrest beside him, his eyes focusing on the wall over there. 

His photo collection decorated the wall. Six pictures, his favourites he had taken. One was a close up of stripe, his eyes full of curiosity as he approached, all captured in a single frame. Another of his family, his mother and father smiling while Trica and Craig frowned. He was sure that if it hadn’t been Craig’s picture they would all be frowning just because that was their family and they all seldom smiled. 

Well, he used to rarely smile. Now he smiled often, or at least often in the time he spent with Tweek. That of course, was the time they spent together, which almost always made him happy.

The last four pictures all had something in common. Tweek was in all four, One by himself, where he was laughing and smiling. He remembered when Craig took that picture. They had been sitting in the park, babysitting Trica and Craig refused to stop cracking jokes. Tweek now figured it was not just because he was feeling silly, but because he wanted to capture Tweek’s laugh in a photo. He had to respect his determination, seeing as Tweek was normally rather camera shy.

Two more were of the pair together, both smiling, and quite frankly looking like an old married couple. In one they were looking forward and actually holding hands off-camera. In the other, their foreheads were pressed together, Tweek’s eye’s closed while Craig’s were open. 

The last one was of Tweek and Trica because Craig wanted to capture “the sweet and the sour” and Trica had only agreed because she “wanted to be able to prove that she had known her future brother-in-law when they were kids,” which had gotten her whacked upside the head by Craig.

Tweek inspected the pictures, trying to see what on Earth Craig could be talking about. He couldn’t see anything that he would have in common with a photo collection. 

“Argh- what?”

“Because every time I look at you,” he waved his hand towards the collection, “I smile.” Tweek’s cheeks flushed and he put a hand to his cheek.

“Craig, come on, you’re such a dork,” he giggled. 

“You love it.”

~

Tweek’s fingers gracefully moved on the cool smooth keys as he played out a melody. His eyes remained glued on the sheet music in front of him that he had written. He didn’t have long to practice, the talent show was only a few hours away.

Craig, who was supposed to be helping, was doing quite the opposite. He kept tapping the piano, throwing off Tweek’s rhythm. That wasn’t it either, he had draped himself over the back of the piano with his hand hanging over Tweek’s papers. He had quoted three Shakespeare lines over and over and tried to convince Tweek to “paint him like one of his French Craigs,” for whatever that meant. 

When those didn’t work, he instead opted to sit next to him and pull him into his lap, then to pepper kisses all over his face and neck. His hair tickled Tweek and he had to put all his effort into focusing on the piano and not on his beloved boyfriend.

Craig finally elected to simply lean against the piano and watch in silence.

For about five minutes.

Then he got that mischievous glint in his eyes, the one that Tweek knew meant he was in trouble. 

“I hope it’s no tremble,” he said, “but I’d like to be with you.”

Tweek’s hands flew to the sides of his head and he groaned, slamming his elbows on the keys making a loud clash of sour notes.

“Flirting can wait. The talent show is- nggh- in a few hours Craig!” Tweek scolded. Craig shrugged.

“You’re too pretty. I can’t help myself.” Tweek sighed, defeated.

“Later, loverboy. I have to make up for last time’s show.”

~

Tweek worked smoothly and efficiently, carefully cutting the carrot under his hand into even slices. His typical shaking gone for the time being, which he was thankful for under the circumstances. He was going to have to cut them even smaller later, but not yet.

Craig was right next to him, stirring the batter for their carrot cake. The coffee shop needed more desserts and Craig had refused to let Tweek make them all by himself. He wasn’t all that into baking, but he was into anything if he did it with Tweek.

Well, that’s what Clyde told Tweek. Craig simply said he didn’t feel like going home yet.

Tweek could sense Craig getting bored, mostly by the fact that he kept hitting their bodies together in between Tweek’s chops. He was very touchy, which Tweek would have never guessed before.

He wasn’t complaining though.

Craig stopped stirring and if Tweek hadn’t been paying attention to his actions he would have caught Craig staring at him. He hit his spoon to the bottom of the mix, watching the batter push out of the way. He glanced at Tweek again and saw him about halfway done a carrot, and on the upswing of the latest slice. He playfully pressed his body against him. 

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.” He flipped his spoon back, flinging some of the batter at the wall.

“Craig, stop,” Tweek giggled. He couldn’t even pretend to be mad. He liked when Craig showed affection, and the fact he was the only person who got to see this side of him. 

“I can’t. I have zero impulse control. And even if I did, I wouldn’t want to.”

~

“It’s right up here,” Craig pointed out, basically dragging Tweek up the mountain. Dusk was setting on their sleepy mountain town on the favourite day of February. Craig had refused to say much about the valentines day surprise, only that it would be special. Now they were climbing up a hill near Stark’s pond, Tweek wearing a backpack and Craig scrambling like a goat. 

Tweek’s bag wasn’t heavy, but hiking in a sweatshirt instead of his favorite button-up was kind of restricting, and he was sweating too. Craig was wearing his usual outfit but didn’t seem to be hot at all, maybe cold with how fast he was moving.

Craig finally stopped on a ridge, taking Tweek’s hand and helping him up. 

“Here it is.” Craig folded his hands behind his back, looking rather sheepish like he was afraid Tweek wouldn’t like the scene before him. 

There was a teal blanket spread out on the ground, with another aquamarine blanket off to the side, presumably in case it got colder than it already was. In the centre was a bundle of roses. 

Tweek took a few steps forward, reaching out and gently grabbing the red flowers.

“So, um, do you like it? I mean, I’m not good at this whole dating thing.” Craig rubbed the back of his head, shuffling his feet. Tweek shook his head.

“No, no. Craig, I love it,” Tweek murmured, kneeling down onto the soft fabric. He motioned for Craig to sit next to him, who readily complied. Tweek took his bag off his back and pulled out a bouquet of daffodils, handing them over to Craig. 

“I wanted to get you something since I knew you’d get me something. You did last year and the year before. But I knew you didn’t really want anything so I just got you flowers. If you don’t like them I can return them-”

“Tweek, they’re perfect.” Craig kissed his forehead. They sat for hours, talking about things that made them laugh. They watched the sky melt from blue to intertwining shades of red, pink, and purple and saw the flurry of stars litter the sky along with the thin smile of the crescent moon.

Craig leaned back slightly. One of his arms crossed behind Tweek’s while he brought his attention to the stars.

“Right there you can see the big dipper right next to Polaris and the little dipper connected to it.”

“Polaris?”

“The North Star,” Craig explained, “They’re part of bigger constellations that are a lot harder to see. Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, which actually translate directly from Latin as greater bear and lesser bear. They’re part of the Greek myth about Callisto and her son Arcas. We’ll probably learn about it in school soon.”

“How much do you know about space?” Tweek asked.

“More than any teacher at our school,” he boasted. Tweek rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you should teach instead.”

“Trust me, if I could this town we be a hundred times smarter.” Craig pointed up to another pair of constellations. “Right there to the right of Polaris are Cassiopeia and Cepheus, king and queen respectively. Another long Greek story, I can tell you it sometime if you’d like, just not right now. There are other big constellations I want to show you right now though.”

“I’d love to hear it sometime. Maybe another night out like this.” Craig blushed slightly.

“You’re very eager. Definitely a night sometime soon. Okay, back on track. Right there weaving between the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper is Draco, which means the dragon or literally the long serpent in Latin-”

“You know a lot of Latin.”

“Only when it has to do with space. Anyway, Draco is made up of Thuban, Rastaban, and Eltanin.” Craig noticed Tweek’s slightly confused look.

“More stars. It has like, three or four myths about it. If we turn around there should be about five more constellations.” Craig laid on his back, looking behind them. “There’s Orion, the hunter. He’s easy to tell from the three bright stars on his belt. He’s up above Sirius, and the right side of his tunic is marked by Rigel and his shoulder is Betelgeuse. He was a great hunter in Greek mythology, son a Poseidon. Then he got stung by a scorpion and fucking died.” Tweek laughed.

“Wow, that’s sad.”

“I know, right? The lesson is he got killed by a scorpion because he boasted too much but there’s debate about that.”

“Scientists and Astronomers are obsessed with Greek mythology. Even you,” Tweek teased. Craig felt his cheeks heat up.

“Well, it’s cool. And I didn’t name all the stars.” Craig tugged Tweek down next to him so that he would see the view from Craig’s angle.

“How much Greek mythology do you know?” Tweek questioned.

“A lot I guess. Here’s another. Right there connected to Sirius is Canis Major and then to the left and up from that one is Canis Minor, and they were said to have been Orion’s loyal dogs, which is why the three connect almost in a triangle. The Pleadieds are over there, they’re the seven daughters of a nymph Pleione and the Titan Atlas. The last constellation that’s easy to see this time of year is Gemini, the twins, east of Orion’s belt. Their names are Castor and Pollux, which are also the names of the stars that make up their heads. They were said to be twin brothers and one was the son of Zeus but not the other? I don’t know how that works. But during the Trojan war, Castor was killed and Pollux begged his dad to take away his immortality so he could be with his brother and instead Zeus made them constellations.”

“That’s really sweet, actually. Brothers that were best friends. You and Trica could learn a thing or two from them.” Craig clicked his tongue as Tweek giggled quietly.

“Nah, I’d rather be put in the sky with you. Fuck Trica.” Craig pushed himself up to appreciate the swirling dance of the cosmos. Tweek copied his movements, his gaze following Craig’s.

“We have to do this again sometime. It’s beautiful and peaceful,” Tweek breathed, taking in the smell of the outdoors. Craig nodded in agreement.

“If I had a star for every time you brightened my day,” Craig reached his hand up in what looked like an attempt to grab the stars “I’d be holding a galaxy.”

Tweek used one hand to grab Craig’s and his other to pull the strings on Craig’s chullo hat towards him. He cupped Craig’s cheek with one hand and gently kissed him.

“I’m already holding a galaxy.”

[depths-of-escapism-archive]

Alright um wow! i actually kept up with this! if you don’t know i started drawing as a new years resolution lol and um wow! here i am doing a year end review! also like?? the fact i started out with a few random colored pencils i found in my basement, a single pencil, and a single sheet of paper?? and that’s all i used for 2 and a half months??? aND now im using a whole ass drawing tablet??? it’s kinda wild lol Also from this point forwards i post higher quality versions of the art & go into details about the art so um yeah, it’s a *very* long post to end the year on

January 2020 um yeah i had only started drawing like 4 days before this and wow it fucking shows lmao (also all of my first drawings are just straight up scenes from Ghost & Pals PVs because wow froggy your so creative only drawing the things you watch on youtube lmfao)

February 2020 Okay but like,, yeah yeah i get i only had a month of experience and all of my experience happened on a single piece of paper but like?? why is this one so fucking bad?? lmao like i remember even at the time of making it i hated it lmao. Also super cool note this was my first drawing i did in full color! i later decided that it looked weird having only a bit of the paper colored so i went back and colored the whole thing because dumbass froggy is a dumbass

March 2020 omg woah is that more drawings of ghost & pals oc’s in the exact same pose as in the PV?? that’s like, so creative bro Also the fact that i very clearly remember thinking that his head was *way* too small to be realistic but i felt like the older art where there heads are literally wider then there whole ass body was fine??? hewwo??? froggy?? you good? like i know your kinda stupid but heWWO???

April 2020 Okay okay okay heres where things start to get interesting 1. I found a sketchbook and was no longer limited to that single piece of paper 2. I started editing my photos so i could actually get the colors i wanted 3. I started my tumblr uwu! 4. and i actually?? don’t hate this?? like yeah it’s still not creative in the slightest but it’s not *bad* and i kinda like that shade of red :flushed: May 2020 yeah no your not getting a high quality version of this So basically this was the month when i started moving over to digital art using my phone and wow was that rough getting used to (but also it was so much easier for me to do with my set up lmao) June 2020 Yeah i like to pretend this one doesn’t exist lmfao This was the month where i first started taking like?? proper reference photos for my art and i was actually starting to be creative with it and come up with my own ideas,, just,, all of my art from this month looks *exactly* like the reference photos except worse to the point where im not sure if i can even call it art lmfao

July 2020 To say this month of my life was a shitshow wouldn’t even begin to cover it lmao so um yeah, i drew that! also?? if i remember correct my mother stole the little art supplies i had just cause and that’s why this one isn’t in color or anything lmao

August 2020 I feel like it was around this point that my digital art actually started being *somewhat* good but i still wasn’t *super* happy with it 

September 2020 This is literally the only thing i drew in september and it took all of like 10 mins lmao,  I remember feeling just kinda burnt out and like i had no ideas by this point cause as we have figured out im *very* well known for being creative

October 2020 By this point it had been 3 months since i had done a full traditional drawing so i remember being like ummm i really should do *something* but not really actually liking this art lmao

November 2020 Feeling like i had wasted like the whole year drawing wise and feeling like i was capable of doing so much more i decided to try and do a full drawing everyday for this whole month and yeah! i fucking did that lmao, i feel like this was this month was the first time i ever really like, *understood* shading and how to use color ig? i also feel like i really kinda found out what i *actually* wanted to make this month so that’s very cool December 2020 You guys are gonna have to wait until these posts go up in january to see this art in high quality sorry not sorry Can i just?? can i just say how fucking good it felt to be able to make whatever i wanted without having to rush to finish it before midnight every day? and i really did just make what i wanted to meaning that this month i made more edgy shit then normal and just aghhh feels good man aLSO ALSO i got a drawing tablet mid way through this month so um yeah, still getting used to that lol overall im like, really actually kinda proud of how far my art has come within a year and i really don’t have any plans to stop soon! and lastly thank you to everyone who has followed me! (also shout out to like, all of you guys watching me from the begining because damn fan art does so much better then my oc art lmfao)

[hlupdate]

Harry Styles isn’t exactly dressed down for lunch. He’s got a white floppy hat that Diana Ross might have won from Elton in a poker game at Cher’s mansion circa 1974, plus Gucci shades, a cashmere sweater, and blue denim bell-bottoms. His nail polish is pink and mint green. He’s also carrying his purse — no other word for it — a yellow patent-canvas bag with the logo “Chateau Marmont.” The tough old ladies who work at this Beverly Hills deli know him well. Gloria and Raisa dote on him, calling him “my love” and bringing him his usual tuna salad and iced coffee. He turns heads, to put it mildly, but nobody comes near because the waitresses hover around the booth protectively.

He was just a small-town English lad of 16 when he became his generation’s pop idol with One Direction. When the group went on hiatus, he struck out on his own with his brash 2017 solo debut, whose lead single was the magnificently over-the-top six-minute piano ballad “Sign of the Times.” Even people who missed out on One Direction were shocked to learn the truth: This pinup boy was a rock star at heart.

A quick highlight reel of Harry’s 2019 so far: He hosted the Met Gala with Lady Gaga, Serena Williams, Alessandro Michele, and Anna Wintour serving an eyebrow-raising black lace red-carpet look. He is the official face of a designer genderless fragrance, Gucci’s Mémoire d’une Odeur. When James Corden had an all-star dodgeball match on The Late Late Show, Harry got spiked by a hard serve from Michelle Obama, making him perhaps the first Englishman ever hit in the nads on TV by a First Lady.

Closer to his heart, he brought down the house at this year’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame ceremony with his tribute to his friend and idol Stevie Nicks. “She’s always there for you,” Harry said in his speech. “She knows what you need: advice, a little wisdom, a blouse, a shawl.” He added, “She’s responsible for more running mascara — including my own — than all the bad dates in history.” (Backstage, Nicks accidentally referred to Harry’s former band as “’NSync.” Hey, a goddess can get away with that sort of thing.)

Harry has been the world’s It boy for nearly a decade now. The weirdest thing about him? He loves being this guy. In a style of fast-lane celebrity that takes a ruthless toll on the artist’s personality, creativity, sanity, Harry is almost freakishly at ease. He has managed to grow up in public with all his boyish enthusiasm intact, not to mention his manners. He’s dated a string of high-profile women — but he never gets caught uttering any of their names in public, much less shading any of them. Instead of going the usual superstar-pop route — en vogue producers, celebrity duets, glitzy club beats — he’s gone his own way, and gotten more popular than ever. He’s putting the finishing touches on his new album, full of the toughest, most soulful songs he’s written yet. As he explains, “It’s all about having sex and feeling sad.”

The Harry Charm is a force of nature, and it can be almost frightening to witness in action. The most startling example might be a backstage photo from February taken with one of his heroes, Van Morrison. You have never seen a Van picture like this one. He’s been posing for photos for 50 years, and he’s been refusing to crack a smile in nearly all of them. Until he met Harry — for some reason, Van beams like a giddy schoolgirl. What did Harry do to him? “I was tickling him behind his back,” Harry confides. “Somebody sent me that photo — I think his tour manager took it. When I saw it, I felt like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction opening the case with the gold light shining. I was like, ‘Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t show this to anyone.’”

In interviews, Harry has always tended to coast on that charm, simply because he can. In his teens, he was in public every minute and became adept at guarding every scrap of his privacy. But these days, he’s finding out he has things he wants to say. He’s more confident about thinking out loud and seeing what happens. “Looser” is how he puts it. “More open. I’m discovering how much better it makes me feel to be open with friends. Feeling that vulnerability, rather than holding everything in.”

Like a lot of people his age, he’s asking questions about culture, gender, identity, new ideas about masculinity and sexuality. “I feel pretty lucky to have a group of friends who are guys who would talk about their emotions and be really open,” he says. “My friend’s dad said to me, ‘You guys are so much better at it than we are. I never had friends I could really talk to. It’s good that you guys have each other because you talk about real shit. We just didn’t.’”

It’s changed how he approaches his songs. “For me, it doesn’t mean I’ll sit down and be like, ‘This is what I have for dinner, and this is where I eat every day, and this is what I do before I go to bed,’” he says. “But I will tell you that I can be really pathetic when I’m jealous. Feeling happier than I’ve ever been, sadder than I’ve ever been, feeling sorry for myself, being mad at myself, being petty and pitiful — it feels really different to share that.”

At times, Harry sounds like an ordinary 25-year-old figuring his shit out, which, of course, he is. (Harry and I got to know each other last year, when he got in touch after reading one of my books, though I’d already been writing about his music for years.) It’s strange to hear him talk about shedding his anxieties and doubts, since he’s always come across as one of the planet’s most confident people. “While I was in the band,” he says, “I was constantly scared I might sing a wrong note. I felt so much weight in terms of not getting things wrong. I remember when I signed my record deal and I asked my manager, ‘What happens if I get arrested? Does it mean the contract is null and void?’ Now, I feel like the fans have given me an environment to be myself and grow up and create this safe space to learn and make mistakes.”

We slip out the back and spend a Saturday afternoon cruising L.A. in his 1972 silver Jaguar E-type. The radio doesn’t work, so we just sing “Old Town Road.” He marvels, “‘Bull riding and boobies’ — that is potentially the greatest lyric in any song ever.” Harry used to be pop’s mystery boy, so diplomatic and tight-lipped. But as he opens up over time, telling his story, he reaches the point where he’s pitching possible headlines for this profile. His best: “Soup, Sex, and Sun Salutations.”

How did he get to this new place? As it turns out, the journey involves some heartbreak. Some guidance from David Bowie. Some Transcendental Meditation. And more than a handful of magic mushrooms. But mostly, it comes down to a curious kid who can’t decide whether to be the world’s most ardently adored pop star, or a freaky artiste. So he decides to be both.

Two things about English rock stars never change: They love Southern California, and they love cars. A few days after Harry proclaimed the genius of “Old Town Road,” we’re in a different ride — a Tesla — cruising the Pacific Coast Highway while Harry sings along to the radio. “Californiaaaaaa!” he yells from behind the wheel as we whip past Zuma Beach. “It sucks!” There’s a surprising number of couples along the beach who seem to be arguing. We speculate on which ones are breaking up and which are merely having the talk. “Ah, yes, the talk,” Harry says dreamily. “Ye olde chat.”

Harry is feeling the smooth Seventies yacht-rock grooves today, blasting Gerry Rafferty, Pablo Cruise, Hall and Oates. When I mention that Nina Simone once did a version of “Rich Girl,” he needs to hear it right away. He counters by blowing my mind with Donny Hathaway’s version of John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy.”

Harry raves about a quintessential SoCal trip he just tried: a “cold sauna,” a process that involves getting locked in an ice chamber. His eyelashes froze. We stop for a smoothie (“It’s basically ice cream”) and his favorite pepper-intensive wheatgrass shot. It goes down like a dose of battery acid. “That’ll add years to your life,” he assures me.

We’re on our way to Shangri-La studios in Malibu, founded by the Band back in the 1970s, now owned by Rick Rubin. It’s where Harry made some of the upcoming album, and as we walk in, he grins at the memory. “Ah, yes,” he says. “Did a lot of mushrooms in here.”

Psychedelics have started to play a key role in his creative process. “We’d do mushrooms, lie down on the grass, and listen to Paul McCartney’s Ram in the sunshine,” he says. “We’d just turn the speakers into the yard.” The chocolate edibles were kept in the studio fridge, right next to the blender. “You’d hear the blender going, and think, ‘So we’re all having frozen margaritas at 10 a.m. this morning.’” He points to a corner: “This is where I was standing when we were doing mushrooms and I bit off the tip of my tongue. So I was trying to sing with all this blood gushing out of my mouth. So many fond memories, this place.”

It’s not mere rock-star debauchery — it’s emblematic of his new state of mind. You get the feeling this is why he enjoys studios so much. After so many years making One Direction albums while touring, always on the run, he finally gets to take his time and embrace the insanity of it all. “We were here for six weeks in Malibu, without going into the city,” he says. “People would bring their dogs and kids. We’d take a break to play cornhole tournaments. Family values!” But it’s also the place where he has proudly bled for his art. “Mushrooms and Blood. Now there’s an album title.”

Some of the engineers come over to catch up on gossip. Harry gestures out the window to the Pacific waves, where the occasional nude revelry might have happened, and where the occasional pair of pants got lost. “There was one night where we’d been partying a bit and ended up going down to the beach and I lost all my stuff, basically,” he says. “I lost all my clothes. I lost my wallet. Maybe a month later, somebody found my wallet and mailed it back, anonymously. I guess it just popped out of the sand. But what’s sad is, I lost my favorite mustard corduroy flares.” A moment of silence is held for the corduroy flares.

Recording in the studio today is Brockhampton, the self-proclaimed “world’s greatest boy band.” Harry says hi to all the Brockhampton guys, which takes a while since there seem to be a few dozen of them. “We’re together all the time,” one tells Harry out in the yard. “We see each other all day, every day.” He pauses. “You know how it is.”

Harry breaks into a dry grin. “Yes, I know how it is.”

One Direction made three of this century’s biggest and best pop albums in a rush — Midnight Memories, Four and Made in the A.M. Yet they cut those records on tour, ducking into the nearest studio when they had a day off. 1D were a unique mix of five different musical personalities: Harry, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, and Liam Payne. But the pace took its toll. Malik quit in the middle of a tour, immediately after a show in Hong Kong. The band announced its hiatus in August 2015.

It’s traditional for boy-band singers, as they go solo and grow up, to renounce their pop past. Everybody remembers George Michael setting his leather jacket on fire, or Sting quitting the Police to make jazz records. This isn’t really Harry Styles’ mentality. “I know it’s the thing that always happens. When somebody gets out of a band, they go, ‘That wasn’t me. I was held back.’ But it was me. And I don’t feel like I was held back at all. It was so much fun. If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t have done it. It’s not like I was tied to a radiator.”

Whenever Harry mentions One Direction — never by name, always “the band” or “the band I was in” — he uses the past tense. It is my unpleasant duty to ask: Does he see 1D as over? “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t think I’d ever say I’d never do it again, because I don’t feel that way. If there’s a time when we all really want to do it, that’s the only time for us to do it, because I don’t think it should be about anything else other than the fact that we’re all like, ‘Hey, this was really fun. We should do this again.’ But until that time, I feel like I’m really enjoying making music and experimenting. I enjoy making music this way too much to see myself doing a full switch, to go back and do that again. Because I also think if we went back to doing things the same way, it wouldn’t be the same, anyway.”

When the band stopped, did he take those friendships with him? “Yeah, I think so,” he says. “Definitely. Because above all else, we’re the people who went through that. We’re always going to have that, even if we’re not the closest. And the fact is, just because you’re in a band with someone doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. That’s not always how it works. Just because Fleetwood Mac fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not amazing. I think even in the disagreements, there’s always a mutual respect for each other — we did this really cool thing together, and we’ll always have that. It’s too important to me to ever be like, ‘Oh, that’s done.’ But if it happens, it will happen for the right reasons.”

If the intensity of the Harry fandom ever seems mysterious to you, there’s a live clip you might want to investigate, from the summer of 2018. Just search the phrase “Tina, she’s gay.” In San Jose, on one of the final nights of his tour, Harry spots a fan with a homemade sign: “I’m Gonna Come Out to My Parents Because of You!” He asks the fan her name (she says it’s Grace) and her mother’s name (Tina). He asks the audience for silence because he has an important announcement to make: “Tina! She’s gaaaaay!” Then he has the entire crowd say it together. Thousands of strangers start yelling “Tina, she’s gay,” and every one of them clearly means it — it’s a heavy moment, definitely not a sound you forget after you hear it. Then Harry sings “What Makes You Beautiful.” (Of course, the way things work now, the clip went viral within minutes. So did Grace’s photo of Tina giving a loving thumbs-up to her now-out teenage daughter. Grace and Tina attended Harry’s next show together.)

Harry likes to cultivate an aura of sexual ambiguity, as overt as the pink polish on his nails. He’s dated women throughout his life as a public figure, yet he has consistently refused to put any kind of label on his sexuality. On his first solo tour, he frequently waved the pride, bi, and trans flags, along with the Black Lives Matter flag. In Philly, he waved a rainbow flag he borrowed from a fan up front: “Make America Gay Again.” One of the live fan favorites: “Medicine,” a guitar jam that sounds a bit like the Grateful Dead circa Europe ’72, but with a flamboyantly pansexual hook: “The boys and girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it.”

He’s always had a flair for flourishes like this, since the 1D days. An iconic clip from November 2014: Harry and Liam are on a U.K. chat show. The host asks the oldest boy-band fan-bait question in the book: What do they look for in a date? “Female,” Liam quips. “That’s a good trait.” Harry shrugs. “Not that important.” Liam is taken aback. The host is in shock. On tour in the U.S. that year, he wore a Michael Sam football jersey, in support of the first openly gay player drafted by an NFL team. He’s blown up previously unknown queer artists like King Princess and Muna.

What do those flags onstage mean to him? “I want to make people feel comfortable being whatever they want to be,” he says. “Maybe at a show you can have a moment of knowing that you’re not alone. I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows. I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.”

On tour, he had an End Gun Violence sticker on his guitar; he added a Black Lives Matter sticker, as well as the flag. “It’s not about me trying to champion the cause, because I’m not the person to do that,” he says. “It’s just about not ignoring it, I guess. I was a little nervous to do that because the last thing I wanted was for it to feel like I was saying, ‘Look at me! I’m the good guy!’ I didn’t want anyone who was really involved in the movement to think, ‘What the fuck do you know?’ But then when I did it, I realized people got it. Everyone in that room is on the same page and everyone knows what I stand for. I’m not saying I understand how it feels. I’m just trying to say, ‘I see you.’”

At one of his earliest solo shows, in Stockholm, he announced, “If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you. I love every single one of you.” “It’s a room full of accepting people.… If you’re someone who feels like an outsider, you’re not always in a big crowd like that,” he says. “It’s not about, ‘Oh, I get what it’s like,’ because I don’t. For example, I go walking at night before bed most of the time. I was talking about that with a female friend and she said, ‘Do you feel safe doing that?’ And I do. But when I walk, I’m more aware that I feel OK to walk at night, and some of my friends wouldn’t. I’m not saying I know what it feels like to go through that. It’s just being aware.”

‘Man cannot live by coffee alone,” Harry says. “But he will give it a damn good try.” He sips his iced Americano — not his first today, or his last. He’s back behind the wheel, on a mission to yet another studio — but this time for actual work. Today it’s string overdubs. Harry is dressed in Gucci from head to toe, except for one item of clothing: a ratty Seventies rock T-shirt he proudly scavenged from a vintage shop. It says “Commander Quaalude.”

On the drive over, he puts on the jazz pianist Bill Evans — “Peace Piece,” from 1959, which is the wake-up tone on his phone. He just got into jazz during a long sojourn in Japan. He likes to find places to hide out and be anonymous: For his first album, he decamped to Jamaica. Over the past year, he spent months roaming Japan.

In February, he spent his 25th birthday sitting by himself in a Tokyo cafe, reading Haruki Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. “I love Murakami,” he says. “He’s one of my favorites. Reading didn’t really used to be my thing. I had such a short attention span. But I was dating someone who gave me some books; I felt like I had to read them because she’d think I was a dummy if I didn’t read them.”

A friend gave him Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. “It was the first book, maybe ever, where all I wanted to do all day was read this,” he says. “I had a very Murakami birthday because I ended up staying in Tokyo on my own. I had grilled fish and miso soup for breakfast, then I went to this cafe. I sat and drank tea and read for five hours.”

In the studio, he’s overseeing the string quartet. He has the engineers play T. Rex’s “Cosmic Dancer” for them, to illustrate the vibe he’s going for. You can see he enjoys being on this side of the glass, sitting at the Neve board, giving his instructions to the musicians. After a few run-throughs, he presses the intercom button to say, “Yeah, it’s pretty T. Rex. Best damn strings I ever heard.” He buzzes again to add, “And you’re all wonderful people.”

He’s curated his own weird enclave of kindred spirits to collaborate with, like producers Jeff Bhasker and Tyler Johnson. His guitarist Mitch Rowland was working at an L.A. pizza shop when Harry met him. They started writing songs for the debut; Rowland didn’t quit his job until two weeks into the sessions. One of his closest collaborators is also one of his best friends: Tom Hull, a.k.a. Kid Harpoon, a longtime cohort of Florence and the Machine. Hull is an effusive Brit with a heart-on-sleeve personality. Harry calls him “my emotional rock.” Hull calls him “Gary.”

Hull was the one who talked him into taking a course on Transcendental Meditation at David Lynch’s institute — beginning each day with 20 minutes of silence, which doesn’t always come naturally to either of them. “He’s got this wise-beyond-his-years timelessness about him,” Hull says. “That’s why he went on a whole emotional exploration with these songs.” He’s 12 years older, with a wife and kids in Scotland, and talks about Harry like an irreverent but doting big brother.

Last year, Harry was in the gossip columns dating the French model Camille Rowe; they split up last summer after a year together. “He went through this breakup that had a big impact on him,” Hull says. “I turned up on Day One in the studio, and I had these really nice slippers on. His ex-girlfriend that he was really cut up about, she gave them to me as a present — she bought slippers for my whole family. We’re still close friends with her. I thought, ‘I like these slippers. Can I wear them — is that weird?’

“So I turn up at Shangri-La the first day and literally within the first half-hour, he looks at me and says, ‘Where’d you get those slippers? They’re nice.’ I had to say, ‘Oh, um, your ex-girlfriend got them for me.’ He said, ‘Whaaaat? How could you wear those?’ He had a whole emotional journey about her, this whole relationship. But I kept saying, ‘The best way of dealing with it is to put it in these songs you’re writing.’”

True to his code of gallant discretion, Harry doesn’t say her name at any point. But he admits the songs are coming from personal heartbreak. “It’s not like I’ve ever sat and done an interview and said, ‘So I was in a relationship, and this is what happened,’” he says. “Because, for me, music is where I let that cross over. It’s the only place, strangely, where it feels right to let that cross over.”

The new songs are certainly charged with pain. “The stars didn’t align for them to be a forever thing,” Hull says. “But I told him that famous Iggy Pop quote where he says, ‘I only ever date women who are going to fuck me up, because that’s where the songs are.’ I said, ‘You’re 24, 25 years old, you’re in the eligible-bachelor category. Just date amazing women, or men, or whatever, who are going to fuck you up, and explore and have an adventure and let it affect you and write songs about it.’”

His band is full of indie rockers who’ve gotten swept up in Hurricane Harry. Before becoming his iconic drum goddess, Sarah Jones played in New Young Pony Club, a London band fondly remembered by a few dozen of us. Rowland and Jones barely knew anything about One Direction before they met Harry — the first time they heard “Story of My Life” was when he asked them to play it. Their conversation is full of references to Big Star or Guided by Voices or the Nils Lofgren guitar solo in Neil Young’s “Speakin’ Out.” This is a band full of shameless rock geeks, untainted by industry professionalism.

In the studio, while making the album, Harry kept watching a vintage Bowie clip on his phone — a late-Nineties TV interview I’d never seen. As he plays it for me, he recites along — he’s got the rap memorized. “Never play to the gallery,” Bowie advises. “Never work for other people in what you do.” For Harry, this was an inspiring pep talk — a reminder not to play it safe. As Bowie says, “If you feel safe in the area that you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you are capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

He got so obsessive about Joni Mitchell and her 1971 classic Blue, he went on a quest. “I was in a big Joni hole,” he says. “I kept hearing the dulcimer all over Blue. So I tracked down the lady who built Joni’s dulcimers in the Sixties.” He found her living in Culver City. “She said, ‘Come and see me,’” Hull says. “We turn up at her house and he said, ‘How do you even play a dulcimer?’ She gave us a lesson. Then she got a bongo and we were all jamming with these big Cheshire Cat grins.” She built the dulcimer Harry plays on the new album. “Joni Mitchell and Van Morrison, those are my two favorites,” he says. “Blue and Astral Weeks are just the ultimate in terms of songwriting. Melody-wise, they’re in their own lane.”

He’s always been the type to go overboard with his fanboy enthusiasms, ever since he was a kid and got his mind blown by Pulp Fiction. “I watched it when I was probably too young,” he admits. “But when I was 13, I saved up money from my paper route to buy a ‘Bad Motherfucker’ wallet. Just a stupid white kid in the English countryside with that wallet.” While in Japan, he got obsessively into Paul McCartney and Wings, especially London Town and Back to the Egg. “In Tokyo I used to go to a vinyl bar, but the bartender didn’t have Wings records. So I brought him Back to the Egg. ‘Arrow Through Me,’ that was the song I had to hear every day when I was in Japan.”

He credits meditation for helping to loosen him up. “I was such a skeptic going in,” he says. “But I think meditation has helped with worrying about the future less, and the past less. I feel like I take a lot more in—things that used to pass by me because I was always rushing around. It’s part of being more open and talking with friends. It’s not always the easiest to go in a room and say, ‘I made a mistake and it made me feel like this, and then I cried a bunch.’ But that moment where you really let yourself be in that zone of being vulnerable, you reach this feeling of openness. That’s when you feel like, ‘Oh, I’m fucking living, man.’”

After quite a few hours of recording the string quartet, a bottle of Casamigos tequila is opened. Commander Quaalude pours the drinks, then decides what the song needs now is a gaggle of nonsingers bellowing the chorus. “Muppet vocals” is how he describes it. He drags everyone in sight to crowd around the mics. Between takes, he wanders over to the piano to play Harry Nilsson’s “Gotta Get Up.” One of the choir members, creative director Molly Hawkins, is the friend who gave him the Murakami novel. “I think every man should read Norwegian Wood,” she says. “Harry’s the only man I’ve given it to who actually read it.”

It’s been a hard day’s night in the studio, but after hours, everyone heads to a dive bar on the other side of town to see Rowland play a gig. He’s sitting in with a local bar band, playing bass. Harry drives around looking for the place, taking in the sights of downtown L.A. (“Only a city as narcissistic as L.A. would have a street called Los Angeles Street,” he says.) He strolls in and leans against the bar in the back of the room. It’s an older crowd, and nobody here has any clue who he is. He’s entirely comfortable lurking incognito in a dim gin joint. After the gig, as the band toasts with PBRs, an old guy in a ball cap strolls over and gives Rowland a proud bear hug. It’s his boss from the pizza shop.

In the wee hours, Harry drives down a deserted Sunset Boulevard, his favorite time of night to explore the city streets, arguing over which is the best Steely Dan album. He insists that Can’t Buy a Thrill is better than Countdown to Ecstasy (wrongly), and seals his case by turning it up and belting “Midnight Cruiser” with truly appalling gusto. Tonight Hollywood is full of bright lights, glitzy clubs, red carpets, but the prettiest pop star in town is behind the wheel, singing along with every note of the sax solo from “Dirty Work.”

A few days later, on the other side of the world: Harry’s pad in London is lavish, yet very much a young single dude’s lair. Over here: a wall-size framed Sex Pistols album cover. Over there: a vinyl copy of Stevie Nicks’ The Other Side of the Mirror, casually resting on the floor. He’s having a cup of tea with his mum, Anne, the spitting image of her son, all grace and poise. “We’re off to the pub,” he tells her. “We’re going to talk some shop.” She smiles sweetly. “Talk some shit, probably,” says Anne.

We head off to his local, sloshing through the rain. He’s wearing a Spice World hoodie and savoring the soggy London-osity of the day. “Ah, Londres!” he says grandly. “I missed this place.” He wants to sit at a table outside, even though it’s pouring, and we chat away the afternoon over a pot of mint tea and a massive plate of fish and chips. When I ask for toast, the waitress brings out a loaf of bread roughly the size of a wheelbarrow. “Welcome to England,” Harry says.

He’s always had a fervent female fandom, and, admirably, he’s never felt a need to pretend he doesn’t love it that way. “They’re the most honest — especially if you’re talking about teenage girls, but older as well,” he says. “They have that bullshit detector. You want honest people as your audience. We’re so past that dumb outdated narrative of ‘Oh, these people are girls, so they don’t know what they’re talking about.’ They’re the ones who know what they’re talking about. They’re the people who listen obsessively. They fucking own this shit. They’re running it.”

He doesn’t have the uptightness some people have about sexual politics, or about identifying as a feminist. “I think ultimately feminism is thinking that men and women should be equal, right? People think that if you say ‘I’m a feminist,’ it means you think men should burn in hell and women should trample on their necks. No, you think women should be equal. That doesn’t feel like a crazy thing to me. I grew up with my mum and my sister — when you grow up around women, your female influence is just bigger. Of course men and women should be equal. I don’t want a lot of credit for being a feminist. It’s pretty simple. I think the ideals of feminism are pretty straightforward.”

His audience has a reputation for ferocity, and the reputation is totally justified. At last summer’s show at Madison Square Garden, the floor was wobbling during “Kiwi” — I’ve been seeing shows there since the 1980s, but I’d never seen that happen before. (The only other time? His second night.) His bandmates admit they feared for their lives, but Harry relished it. “To me, the greatest thing about the tour was that the room became the show,” he says. “It’s not just me.” He sips his tea. “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a room, asking them to bear with him.”

That evening, Fleetwood Mac take the stage in London — a sold-out homecoming gig at Wembley Stadium, the last U.K. show of their tour. Needless to say, their most devoted fan is in the house. Harry has brought a date: his mother, her first Fleetwood Mac show. He’s also with his big sister Gemma, bandmates Rowland and Jones, a couple of friends.

He’s in hyperactive-host mode, buzzing around his cozy VIP box, making sure everyone’s champagne glass is topped off at all times. As soon as the show begins, Harry’s up on his feet, singing along (“Tell me, tell me liiiiies!”) and cracking jokes. You can tell he feels free — as if his radar is telling him there aren’t snoopers or paparazzi watching. (He’s correct. This is a rare public appearance where nobody spots him and no photos leak online.) It’s family night. His friend Mick Fleetwood wilds out on the drum solo. “Imagine being that cool,” Gemma says.

Midway through the show, Harry’s demeanor suddenly changes. He gets uncharacteristically solemn and quiet, sitting down by himself and focusing intently on the stage. It’s the first time all night he’s taken a seat. He’s in a different zone than he was in a few minutes ago. But he’s seen many Fleetwood Mac shows, and he knows where they are in the set. It’s time for “Landslide.” He sits with his chin in hand, his eyes zeroing in on Stevie Nicks. As usual, she introduces her most famous song with the story of how she wrote it when she was just a lass of 27.

But Stevie has something else she wants to share. She tells the stadium crowd, “I’d like to dedicate this to my little muse, Harry Styles, who brought his mother tonight. Her name is Anne. And I think you did a really good job raising Harry, Anne. Because he’s really a gentleman, sweet and talented, and, boy, that appeals to me. So all of you, this is for you.”

As Stevie starts to sing “Landslide” — “I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around youuuu” — Anne walks over to where Harry sits. She crouches down behind him, reaches her arms around him tightly. Neither of them says a word. They listen together and hold each other close to the very end of the song. Everybody in Wembley is singing along with Stevie, but these two are in a world of their own.

[wonderland-irwin]

CALM & Synesthesia — Introduction

A few years ago after Youngblood came out, I posted on here a question, and it was rather simple, and it was like “does anyone else see colour when they hear music?” And then I listed a few examples of songs and the colours I saw. Someone actually responded and said no, but that I should search up Synesthesia, because I probably had that.

I was first of all, extremely surprised that no one else saw colours when they heard music. When I reflect back on my relationship with music (music being my one true love), I realize that colours were always there, I just never recognized it until the 2018 release of Youngblood.

Second of all, I was shocked to hear that these colours and what was happening has a name. It’s a real thing. I have a super active imagination, which probably stimulated and woke this part of my brain up and caused me to become more aware of it, but to find out that I wasn’t crazy was a relief as it was shocking.

Synesthesia (which I can never say aloud with it sounding like a sneeze), in basic terms if you don’t know what it is, is sort of labeling things with a colour. A very common form of Synesthesia is words or numbers to colour. I must add here that forms of Synesthesia cross over, so if you have one type, you most likely also have forms of other types. My main form of this is called Chromesethia, which is sound to colour, but the number seven for me is a pale blue, as is the word February.

Synesthesia cannot be forced. It usually happens unwillingly. Personally with Chromesethia, if there’s a lot going on in my brain or in the world, the patterns still occur, however sort of broken up like a shattered piece of a mirror. It affects very little of the population and some people when in drug hallucinations, may also experience forms of Synesthesia.

I have thought for a while about sharing what I see for a while. I’ve tried to do it with words, but when I see patterns and colours, words don’t really do it justice. So with the recent release of the heartbreakingly beautiful, CALM, I figured this would be a great time to explain first how Synesthesia works for me personally, and take you on a hauntingly disturbing tour of the twelve songs, plus whatever deluxe songs arrive, from 5 Seconds of Summer’s CALM.

Before we get into the songs, though, this part, the introduction, is about how Chromesethia is broken down in my brain.

So this form of Synesthesia is sound to colour. We’re going to start with simple notes, as a song writer may, and build from there.

Each note for me, is assigned a colour. I played trumpet in my high school band, an instrument in C, so my B Flat concert scale starts and ends with C. C itself is a gold colour, G is magenta, A is red, B is Blue, F is green, E is brown, D is a dark grey.

Apparently I can’t put the scale in order today, oh my.

Moving on, those colours are pretty much the same colour wherever they are on the staff, although as the sound does get higher (high C for example) the colour quality diminishes slightly, and becomes more of a white space (Think of it like a light blub, where the centre is the brightest, but has the least colour, and as you zoom out, colour slowly occurs).

In regard to flats and sharps, they will be a paler form of the original colour. So for example, F is green. When you think of green, regular green, this green, that is the green of F. F# for example, is a slightly lighter green. I think this is because that it’s not exactly the full version of itself. Does that make sense? It’s not quite F, therefore F# is not quite that shade of green.

It works with flats too. If you told me to play a Gb, I would see a slightly lighter magenta colour. Not completely the brightness and stricking pink of magenta, but pink enough that it is still a G note.

Instruments also have an effect on my brain. If you were to pull out a flute and play a solid tone, and my brain were to focus on the sound of the flute and not the note the flute was playing, it was see pastel purple or pink. The flute is a rather light and airy instrument, and the colours would the reflect on that sound. However, if you were to pick up a tuba and play a note, I would probably see a darker colour, like navy blue.

Voices also have this effect. If I’m paying great attention to a voice, or I specifically like that voice, I will hear a colour (that sounds so weird. I’ll hear a colour). If there are many people in a room and there’s lots of chatter, then I probably won’t see anything because I can’t focus on one specific element. People singing also have an effect. Sometimes it is a shade or two off of their regular voice, it might be the same colour, or a completely different colour.

Since we’re talking CALM;

Ashton: Ashton has a red voice. When he speaks it’s red. Like just your regular crayon red. However when his voice gets soft like in videos where he’s updating us, thanking us, telling us he loves us, his voice goes to a paler red. I wouldn’t say his voice goes pink, which is a paler red, but the red definitely gets lighter and softer.

When Ash is excited or pumped up or performing, his voice goes to a dark red, like a cherry, and black sort of flicks in every once in a while.

His singing voice follows the same pattern as his speaking voice.

The drums, as that is his instrument, are two different colours. His snares, Toms, anything that gives a solid sound is usually shades of light grey. His bass drum gives dark grey vibes (the tuba/flute effect). And the cymbals are that light and airy sound so they’re gold, breaking that white high sound.

Luke: Luke’s voice is all over the place. He is blue when he talks in his normal voice, green when he sings. I should mention that Luke’s, as well as Ashton’s, falsettos are those white space colours as well. Anyways, the blue is sort of the same when ever he speaks, if you want to search up Prismacolour pencils crayons permanent blue, that’s the colour of his voice. Luke’s singing voice is that green and it shows change as movement through squiggles (aside from falsettos). I’ll explain movement in a bit.

Calum: it doesn’t matter what Calum’s doing whether talking or singing, he is either a chocolate brown colour or the colour of honey. I feel like that shows his range. Calum is very soft when he speaks or sings, and those colours to me are soft colours so they make sense as to why they’re Calum’s colours.

The bass is black and surprisingly gold. Deeper sounding instruments are very dark in relation to the colour. However, I think in the case of bass, specifically Cal’s bass, I find the instrument interesting, and I love playing it myself, so maybe that’s why the gold comes through. Sometimes the colour is just there, and I can’t explain it, just gotta accept it.

Michael: Michael is very interesting because his colours are never really the same. When he speaks, sometimes he’s turquoise, sometimes he’s black, sometimes it’s grey, and then the shades varying between those colours, which is super interesting. His singing voice is kind of scratchy looking. If you took a scratch board and a fork and scratched it up, so it was black with white or grey peaking through, that’s his singing voice. Michael’s voice whether singing or speaking is a mystery to me, but also makes complete sense at the same time. 

His guitar, any guitar for that matter, has two different looks in my brain. 

When its a single note, even if I can tell what that note is, it’s gold. It doesn’t matter. It’s a black space with gold dots that are the notes. 

Okay, now the bass is making sense to me, lol.

When chords are playing, it’s more of a gold square with black lines in a grid pattern (like the neck of a guitar).

So guitars are black and gold, I guess.

Synesthesia is something I am still learning about, so here for example, I never made this connection before.

In terms of what songs look like, most times they reflect nothing of the voice or instruments used. With songs it’s more of an overall picture, colours and patterns taken perhaps from mood rather than notes. Sometimes songs have movement, which reflects the pace of the song, and sometimes there is none. In terms of voice, like mentioned with Luke, when I focus on his singing, it’s a green line moving up and down as he sings over top of the overall picture of the song. Sometimes songs have different images as it moves along, but it will usually look the same and the movement most likely changes instead of the picture. Regarding the colours I see, I usually see no more than 5-7 colours, on average, a song has at least 3. The amount of colours is usually an odd number, which I don’t quite understand, but it’s cool.

I think this is all I want to say about what it’s like for me with Chromesthesia. If I remember anything I will add it into other parts, and each part will have the previous parts tagged to it, so you can find the entire album.

If you have any questions, my inboxes are open!

Red Desert will come out once I finish the colouring. Red Desert’s colours are super bright so I need to colour hard and my pencils are dying. I was colouring it to Thin White Lies last night, which hurt when your eyes are looking at Red Desert but your mind is hearing and seeing Thin White Lies. Tell me why I did that. 

OH! Speaking of that, actually, if I see artwork that doesn’t match what my head sees, it will either give me a panic attack or I can’t look at it, because my brain will hurt (a rude side effect that I cannot control). My brain is set in its way and I can’t really change it. This is out of my control. That’s what Synesthesia is.

Lastly, the boys of 5 Seconds of Summer are FANTASTIC at finding a similar, if not the same, colour pallet for their songs that I see. Whether or not any of them have it, I do not know, but I’m glad they’re at least on the same page so my head doesn’t explode when their art comes out.

Okay, NOW I think I’ve said everything. Red Desert will be out soon with a blurb. My inbox is always open for questions! I hope y’all enjoy this thread!

~ becca

P.S if you wanna be tagged in the next parts, I don’t know who’s interested, but let me know!!

[path-of-my-childhood]

New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

By: Alex Suskind for Entertainment Weekly Date: May 9th 2019

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It was only an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

As expected, the summery post sent Swifties sifting through each detail with a fine-tooth comb. What did the trees symbolize? An overdue vacation? A recently purchased beach house? A secret palm-frond collection? Or maybe, as many surmised, it was new music. One Twitter user predicted that the number of stars in the background of the photo hinted at a single drop: “There’s about 60/61 [stars]️. There’s 61 days until April 26, FRIDAY, a SINGLE RELEASE day!” Another said it was the unofficial announcement of her next LP: “Okay so in this picture there are 4 palm trees on the left (4 country albums). There are two palm trees on the right (2 pop albums). There is one large palm tree in the middle. This represents her new album.” These may sound like ludicrous conspiracy theories — for the record, they were mostly correct — but they fit firmly within the Taylor Swift Musical Universe (it’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but with more guitars and fewer Stan Lee cameos).

“I posted that the day that I finished the seventh album,” says Swift about the photo. “I couldn’t expect [my fans] to know that. I figured they’d figure it out later, but a lot of their theories were actually correct. Those Easter eggs were just trying to establish that tone, which I foreshadowed ages ago in a Spotify vertical video for ‘Delicate’ by painting my nails those [pastel] colors.”

It’s now April, and the 29-year-old pop star is in a Los Angeles photo studio, giving her first sit-down magazine interview in three years. She wants to discuss the art of placing hints inside her work, as well as the upcoming record, which she recorded as soon as she finished the Reputation Tour. She’s also keen on detailing her own obsessions, talking up the TV shows, books, and songs that help shape her outlook on life.

Over the past 13 years, Swift has perfected the pop culture feedback loop: She shares updates about her life and drops hints about new music, which fans then gobble up and re-promote with their own theories, which Swift then re-shares on her Tumblr or incorporates into future clues. It’s like a T-Swift-built Escher staircase of personal memories and moments that tease what’s next. “I’ve trained them to be that way,” she says of her fans’ astute detective work. Swift is a pop culture fanatic herself (see: the jean jacket she’s wearing on the EW cover) and has an innate understanding of the lengths her audience will go to be a part of the original creation. “I love that they like the cryptic hint-dropping. Because as long as they like it, I’ll keep doing it. It’s fun. It feels mischievous and playful.”

Through this approach, Swift has designed the ultimate artistic scavenger hunt — and it’s easy to get swept up in its drama, even if you don’t listen to her music. Her moments aren’t always hidden, either. Sometimes Swift highlights aspects of her world just so fans feel like they’re on the journey with her. Like the time in March 2018 when pop singer Hayley Kiyoko was accused of shading Swift after mentioning her name during an interview. On Tumblr, Swift re-shared a fan’s post, adding commentary that defended Kiyoko, which immediately dispelled any conflicts between the two artists; Swift’s post subsequently received more than 29,000 notes. Four months later, she invited Kiyoko on stage during the Reputation Tour to sing her hit “Curious.” Kiyoko returned the favor when she had Swift join her that December at a benefit on behalf of the LGBTQ organization the Ally Coalition to perform “Delicate.” Fans of both artists were elated by the mutual support.

The feedback loop also extends outside of music. In October 2018, Swift broke her silence about politics by publicly endorsing two candidates for office in her adopted state of Tennessee, while encouraging her followers to register to vote. She kept up the civic momentum through Election Day when she asked fans to post selfies after voting; Swift then eagerly re-promoted her favorites on Instagram stories.

This practice of sharing and re-sharing and sharing again is why listeners consider Swift one of the world’s most accessible pop stars, someone willing to not only interact with her audience but invite them to secret listening sessions, or make the occasional surprise visit to their wedding or prom. It’s a symbiotic relationship, one that, as Swift tells EW, helped her dig out of the darker era of reputation. “It’s definitely the fans that made that tonal shift in the way I was feeling,” she says. “Songwriters need to communicate, and part of communicating correctly is when you put out a message that is understood the way you meant it. reputation was interesting because I’d never before had an album that wasn’t fully understood until it was seen live. When it first came out everyone thought it was just going to be angry; upon listening to the whole thing they realized it’s actually about love and friendship, and finding out what your priorities are.”

Then, during the Reputation Tour, she had an epiphany: that despite the caricature that she thought had been created of her, there were many people who saw what others had simply refused to. “I would look out into the audience and I’d see these amazing, thoughtful, caring, wonderful, empathetic people,” she says. “So often with our takedown culture, talking s— about a celebrity is basically the same as talking s— about the new iPhone. So when I go and I meet fans, I see that they actually see me as a flesh-and-blood human being. That — as contrived as it may sound — changed [me] completely, assigning humanity to my life.”

At tour’s end, she channeled that positive energy into the studio, recording the new album in just under three months. But the fast pace won’t mean a short LP. Swift confirmed that her seventh record (she hasn’t announced a title yet; the working nickname among fans is TS7) will include more songs than any of her previous releases. “I try not to go into making an album with any expectation,” she says. “I started to write so much that I knew immediately it would probably be bigger.”

The project will also feature a mix of old and new collaborators (on the candy-coated lead single “ME!” Swift brought in Panic! At the Disco frontman Brendon Urie and coproducer Joel Little, both of whom she had never worked with), but she is unsurprisingly coy about doling out much more information, as if doing so would break the carefully honed T-Swiftian feedback loop. “There’s a lot of a lot on this album,” she says. “I’m trying to convey an emotional spectrum. I definitely don’t wanna have too much of one thing…. You get some joyful songs and you get the bops, as they say.” There’s also, she adds, some “really, really, really, really sad songs,” but “not enough to where you need to worry about me.”

She gives us one more clue: The true distinction between TS7 and reputation is in the delivery. “This time around I feel more comfortable being brave enough to be vulnerable, because my fans are brave enough to be vulnerable with me. Once people delve into the album, it’ll become pretty clear that that’s more of the fingerprint of this — that it’s much more of a singer-songwriter, personal journey than the last one.”

The past month has seen a deluge of Swift activity, from the release of the new single to dropping more hints in interviews about the record and its title, which is apparently hidden somewhere inside the “ME!” music video (current fan guesses include Kaleidoscope and Daisy). But if the Easter eggs from the pop star seem like a business-as-usual routine, she says this album does indeed mark a new era of her life, where she’s been better able to prioritize what’s important to her.

“Our priorities can get messed up existing in a society that puts a currency on curating the way people see your life,” she says. “Social media has given people a way to express their art. I use it to connect with fans. But on the downside you feel like there are 3 trillion new invisible hoops that you have to jump through, and you feel like you’ll never be able to jump through them all correctly. I — along with a lot of my friends and fans — am trying to figure out how to navigate living my life and not just curating what I want people to think living my life is. I’m not always able to maintain a balance, and I think that’s important for everyone to know about. We’re always learning, and that’s something that I also had to learn — that I’ve got to be brave enough to learn. Learning in public is so humiliating sometimes… Do I feel more balanced in my life than I ever have before? Um, probably yeah. But is that permanent? No. And I think being okay with that has put me in a bit of a better position.” Strong words to live by, to quote, to re-share, to tweet back to her, and see if she’ll respond.

You can read the original article HERE.

[darkkept]

RULES. repost; do not reblog! tag 10! good luck!

TAGGED BY: stolen from @salt-water-and-glaives forever ago TAGGING: Steal it from me or I will kill again.

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Astraea Andromeda Lucis Caelum NICKNAME/S: Stray, Rae/Rae-Rae, Starshine BIRTHDAY: February 28th NATIONALITY: Lucian LANGUAGE/S: Lucian, Tenebraean, Old Lucian, Altissian, fragments of Imperial SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Pansexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS: It’s Complicated (verse dependent)

CLASS: White Mage

HOMETOWN / AREA: Insomnia, Lucis. Born a royal in the Crown City, Stray was raised in the highest echelons of Insomniac society. Raised above most, she was kept largely to the world of privilege and safety afforded by the wealthier circles of her walled world. CURRENT HOME: On the road

PROFESSION: Princess, Advocate

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Inky black in color, shot through with traces of blue highlights. It falls thick and loosely curled to her mid back, though is often styled tidily up and away from her face in vintage styles. After the fall of her homeland, she cuts her hair just above her shoulders and only styles it minimally.

EYES: A dark shade, leaning heavily towards a steely blue. Downturned and mono-lidded in shape. Has long dark lashes framing them, often accented with a hint of black eyeliner along her upper lids and highlighter to obscure dark circles beneath her eyes.

NOSE: Straight, with a slight downward turn. Average sized.

FACE: Diamond shaped, with an angular and overtly feminine face giving way to a pointed chin. Slightly elongated in imitation of her father in his youth, with no noticeable scars or discoloration

LIPS: Wide and plush, naturally a pale pink. Often decorated with a smear of neutral lipstick or gloss during public appearances. Most often pulled into a placid or neutral smile.

COMPLEXION: The light ivory skin of a person who does not often brave direct sunlight, with warm undertones. While she might burn at first, with time she’ll settle into a soft tan when introduced to the world outside of the city. Appears more ashen in the post-Nightfall world, due to a combination of factors.

BLEMISHES: None, and should any appear. they’re likely to be photoshopped out or made to disappear via make-up.

TATTOOS:  A small lineart of a feather on her left hip, a remnant of a past relationship. The feather means a lot to  her on again off again boyfriend, and she thought it would be a cute surprise for him. That on again lasted all of two months after this tattoo. She’s mortified by the mere thought of the ink on her hip now.

HEIGHT: 5′1″

WEIGHT: Around 105-110 pounds.

BUILD: Slim and diminutive, with delicate bone structure and slender limbs. While there is some toning along her upper arms and core, she remains slight. Her figure is relatively straight, with little in the way of curves.

ALLERGIES: None.

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: in public: A vintage brush out or demure braid will be her go to hairstyles when facing the people. The  styles are made more elegant by the inclusion of hair accessories, usually dark silver clips to contrast off of her dark locks.

in private: Keeps her hair loose or in a low ponytail, letting her curls simply be so long as they are out of the way. She’s not particularly fussed about her hair when her time is her own, and actually enjoys just letting it loose and bouncy down her back.

at work: Kept into a messy ponytail or bun with long, loose curls falling at the sides of her face if not swept back behind her ears.

USUAL EXPRESSION: You know how newscasters have that perpetual, unnerving buoyancy to their smiles and unblinking eyes? Unfortunately, that is Stray, who wants to always appear affable and trustworthy to the people. Smiling softly, eyes bright, but in an altogether neutral expression otherwise, she might come off as insincere were she any less pretty.

USUAL CLOTHING: The modern goth meets the vintage rack. Stray has an appreciation for old school elegance, be it tea-length dresses or old pencil skirts and cardigans, the more femme the better. Her choice of fabric is overwhelmingly black, though she accessorizes with shades of red and magenta. Has been known to wear sunglasses when out in the world. Polished black heels are a must, as Stray refuses to live at her actual height.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S: Seeing as Stray is a person to define herself by her use to others, she has a twofold fear of uselessness and imperfection. If she is not the best she can be, the nshe struggles to understand who she is or what her purpose might be. Beyond this, she has a deep-seated fear of losing what little family she has, which unfortunately comes true during the course of the narrative. 

ASPIRATION/S: Above all, Stray hopes to see a Kingdom united, with no walls and prejudices. Her primary goals as a political figurehead focus on the plight of the Outlands, and especially that of refugees. She hopes to one day make reparations for what her forebears did so wrong in handling those outside of the Crown City.  Her more personal goals are mainly defined day by day, though as of the game’s primary plot, she is focused totally on finding her brother and keeping him safe. After his loss, Stray throws herself into finding a conclusion that does not end with her brother being sacrificed to Bahamut’s game.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Approachable. Caring. Generous. Just. Passionate. Playful. Witty. 

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Evasive. Insecure. Self-sacrificing. Smothering. Subservient. Workaholic.

MBTI: ENFJ-T - THE PROTAGONIST

Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

The interest Protagonists have in others is genuine, almost to a fault – when they believe in someone, they can become too involved in the other person’s problems, place too much trust in them. Luckily, this trust tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Protagonists’ altruism and authenticity inspire those they care about to become better themselves. But if they aren’t careful, they can overextend their optimism, sometimes pushing others further than they’re ready or willing to go.

People with the Protagonist personality type are passionate altruists, sometimes even to a fault, and they are unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas they believe in. It is no wonder that many famous Protagonists are cultural or political icons – this personality type wants to lead the way to a brighter future, whether it’s by leading a nation to prosperity, or leading their little league softball team to a hard-fought victory.

ENNEAGRAM: The Reformer

ZODIAC: Pisces (sun sign), Libra (rising sign), Taurus (moon sign)

TAROT: Death: “You can be a bit intense and find yourself drawn to dark and mysterious things. You’ve been through a lot and have probably seen your fair share of endings, but probably cope with it through humor. On top of that, you are surprisingly easygoing – you’re open to change, try not to let past baggage weigh you down, and seek out new experiences” (there was a quiz going around and that’s where the description comes from)

TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine

SOUL TYPE/S: the caregiver (change)

The quintessential characteristic of a Caregiver type is the desire to take care of others. For this reason, Caregivers may be drawn to the long-term care of children or the elderly. Though some Caregivers find their need to nurture satisfied by raising a family, many others seek out work in such venues as schools, hospitals, and animal shelters. The long-term care of those with Alzheimer’s, autism, and mental illness often becomes the responsibility of Caregivers.

If you recognize yourself as a Caregiver, you may already have noticed the tendency to put others’ needs ahead of your own. This trait makes it essential that you go out of your way to take care of yourself as well as those around you. Remember that you’re no use to others if you’re not healthy or fit enough to help them.

You are loyal to the extreme, and you guard those who are entrusted to your care with your life. Fighting another person’s battles can be important if that individual is unable to stand up for themselves, though you should be cautious not to dis-empower those in your care by not allowing them to do things for themselves.

Your empathy allows you to understand nonverbal emotional signals. This ability will tell you when someone needs your help, and how best to assist them. It is common for Caregiver types to intuitively know what someone needs at any given time.

VICE/S: Stray is someone who cuts loose by thrills. A favorite vice is driving fast, racing around the Crown City once the streets are emptied. She tears across the roads like a stunt driver, handling her car well but with a blatant disregard for traffic laws. She has also been known to take part in recreational drug use in secret, favoring marijuana to unwind when her stress peaks. 

FAITH: Formerly a lapsed adherent to the Astrals, the six gods of her native Eos, with a particular focus on the veneration of Bahamut as patron of her family. While raised a proper faithful child, Stray never had a vested interest in the Astrals, and began to put her faith instead in the physical world over the spiritual. In the time since the fall of her homeland and the revelation of her brother’s fate, her disinterest has turned to outright hatred, and she now aims to work against the gods and their ambitions.

GHOSTS?: Misidentified daemons, in her honest opinion. If the haunted painting can actually be possessed by one, who knows how many times ghosts have simply been misidentified species of Daemon? She wants to believe, however.

AFTERLIFE?: She’s unsure what shape it takes, but does believe it exists. Whether you ascend to dwell with the Astrals, or go on to watch over your loved ones from above, she cannot say, just that she doesn’t think life ends just because your body dies. Not that it immediately concerns her, seeing as a lot of her ancestors end up stuck in a ring for all eternity.

REINCARNATION?: A fascinating theory she’s seen bandied about certain Outland beliefs. It’s not truly in line with the Astral-based faith she was raised in, but she does think it’s a beautiful idea. Though, she does tend to treat it irreverently when drawing comparisons between the Founder King and her younger brother.

ALIENS?: You mean like the kind Cor swears up and down he saw driving through Tenebrae once? Sure, she totally believes the Marshall. 

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Revolutionary. At heart, Stray sees little use in a continued monarchy, and believes in equality for the people who would ideally represent themselves. Outwardly, she settles for being the more liberal royal, campaigning for changes to at least two generations of perceived injustice against Lucian citizens.

ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: Surprisingly frugal. Most finery she owns was either a gift or a necessity for osme event. On her own, Stray has a preference for function over anything else, and durability over couture. This might go a long way in explaining several of her vintage interests.

SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: Royal, the eldest child -- though not heir -- of an established monarch. Stray is at the highest level of Lucian society, trumped only by her father as ruler and brother as heir. 

EDUCATION LEVEL: University educated. Topped her classes throughout her private education, and truly excelled in high school. Earned her Bachelors in poli sci, despite intending to study medicine at the start. Her education goals have been put on hold due to her familial obligations, though prior to the treaty signing she intended to continue on for a Masters.

FAMILY.

FATHER: Regis Lucis Caelum, King - deceased

MOTHER: Aurea Lucis Caelum, Queen - deceased

GODFATHER: Clarus Amicitia (her father’s Sworn Shield)

SIBLING/S: Noctis (younger brother)

EXTENDED FAMILY: Ardyn probably counts here as her 114 times removed great uncle. In the more realistic, she has a maternal uncle on the council, and a few younger cousins she sometimes hangs around with.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): Verse dependent.

NAME MEANING/S: Astraea is derived from the root Aster, meaning ‘Star.’ This was the name of a classical goddess of justice and innocence. Andromeda roughly translates to ‘mindful of man,’ and was the name of a bound princess in mythology. Lucis Caelum is a Latin surname, taken from the words for ‘light’ and ‘sky.’

Her first and last names become ‘star of the light sky’,’ in juxtaposition to her brother as the ‘night of the light sky.’

Stray is a nickname derived from her younger brother’s attempts to pronounce her name as a young child. It was easier on the tongue than her full name, and stuck among both the royal family and the prince and princess’ closest friends.

HISTORICAL CONNECTION: The eldest child of the royal family of Lucis, a dynasty dating back 2000 years. Though not the heir -- inheritance favors female rulers only when there are no men left -- Stray is among the latest link in a very long chain of duty and magic. She is 114 generations removed from the Founder King, and sister to the long-prophecised Promised King.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Stray is most engrossed in medical journals and any technical publications that come her way. That is, she has more time for magazines than books. When she has a moment to sit down, however, she has a taste for poetry and the classics -- Tragedies, especially.

MOVIE: Legally, the princess is required to say that she enjoys a good drama, and is very interested in the yearly award circuit nominees especially. In private, the princess prefers less conservative fare, namely erotic thrillers. There is something about the interplay of sex and danger that she enjoys. None can know just how lowbrow her tastes are.

DEITY: Outwardly, she will admit to being a great admirer of the stalwart Draconian who protects her family and their kingdom. In private, she often had a soft spot for Titan, shouldering the load of saving the world from calamity. Now, she thinks they are all unworthy of worship.

MONTH: October.

SEASON: Autumn.

PLACE: Her private chambers within the Citadel, where she can really  be herself at the start and end of every day.

WEATHER:  Cool and overcast, with the threat of rain on the horizon not quite reaching her. The kind of weather where you bring your umbrella just to be safe, but still go about your day.

SOUND: The laughter of her loved ones.

SCENT/S: Roses. Sea salt. Old books. Her partner’s cologne/soap.

TASTE/S: Honey. Molasses. Black tea. Apples.

FEEL/S: Leather. Fur. Velvet. Scar tissue.

ANIMAL/S: Chocobo.

NUMBER: 13

COLOR: Magenta

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Public speaking. Problem solving. White magic.

BAD AT: Obeying traffic laws. Expressing and working through negative feelings. Accepting failure.

TURN-ONS: nonsexual: Older/stronger partners. Emotional intimacy. Risk-taking. Tolerance for others.  Free-spirits. sexual: Spanking. Praise. Roleplay. Big dicks. Being able to let her partner take control. Laid-back sex.

TURN-OFFS: Degradation. Unyielding. Lack of compassion. Traditionalist views. Immaturity.

HOBBIES: Socializing. Reading. Research. Racing. Clubbing. Chess.

AESTHETIC TAGS: Stars. Midnight. Moon cycles. The serpent. Rebellion. Stranger in a strange land. Girlhood gothic. Shades of red. Growing up too fast. The healer has the bloodiest hands. All-loving heroine. The dutiful daughter. Shields. Dark mirrors. Breaking cycles. Dark curls. Sensuality. Who’s a heretic now?

[tatertotgrilledcheese]

Get to know me!

1: How old are you? 17 2: When’s your birthday? February 1st 3: Do you have any strange phobias? I hate it when people are late. 4: What’s the last text you sent? "It's really hot out and I'm going shopping" 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? (Picture of the puppy I'm adopting) 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? With clothes 8: Put your Spotify on shuffle. What’s the first 6 songs that pop up? American Money by Børns, Throwaway by SJ Lewis and Clairo, Little League by Conan Gray, Rue by girl in red, No Fear by Deg Loaf, Swim by Alec Benjamin 9: What was the last lie you told? "I'm cleaning my room" 10: What does your URL mean? The day I made my tumble, i made a grilled cheese with tater tots in it. (It was so good!) 11: Who is your celebrity crush? Zendaya 12: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? No 13: How do you vent your anger? I go on runs and blast music into my eardrums 14: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Yes 15: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right arm, a metal straw Left arm, a wall 16: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Conan Gray 17: What’s the weather like right now? It's super hot. It's like 107 degrees Fahrenheit outside. 18: What time is it? 8:34 19: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do drive. I have only crashed once, when I was trying to parallel park. 20: Do you like the smell of gasoline? Oh hell no 21: Do you have any nicknames? Clairey, Clairo, Bean 22: What was the last film you saw? Hidden Figures 23: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I tore my ACL 24: Do you have any obsessions right now? TikTok (I'm not proud of it) 26: What is your usual bedtime? 11:00 I like my beauty sleep 27: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes, I mean. It depends, people who created the live action movie avatar the last airbender movie I will forever hold a grudge against  28: What is your astrological sign? Aquarius 29: Do you save money or spend it? A little bit of both. I'm saving up for college but I do like to treat myself to a shopping trip sometimes. 30: Can you do a split? Yes, I used to be a gymnast. 31: In a relationship? Yes! I have a girlfriend. We have been together for about a year.  32: How many relationships have you had? 2. I used to have a boyfriend (before i came out as a lesbian) but nothing serious ever happened. And my current girlfriend is my 2nd relationship 33: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope. 34: Where were you yesterday? At home. I went swimming though. 35: Do you have a best friend? Yes! I have been best friends with her since 6th grade and she is so supportive! 36: What were you doing last night at 12AM? I was texting my girlfriend lol. 37: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? yes, I consider myself to be funny, but also sweet. 38: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Either Rain on Me or Electric Love 39: What size shoes do you wear? Womens 6.5 40: How tall are you? 5" feet 41: What is your favourite word? Paradise. 42: What’s the last song you listened to? Throwaway by Clairo and SJ Lewis 43: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? I like green, any shade. 44: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? I'm not sure. 45: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Brazil 46: Do you have any piercings/tattoos? And do you want any? I have double piercings on each ears, and a nose piercing. I am planning on getting a tattoo when i move out, I'm just not completely sure which on yet. 

47: How many languages do you speak?  I speak English, French, and Dutch

48: How many countries have you been to? I have been to, Canada, Mexico, England, Scotland, France, The Netherlands, Sweden, Spain, Argentina, Belize, South Korea, and Japan. 49: Which swear word do you use the most? Probably shit  

Special thanks to @uhohokay for making this template

[we-til12-things]

365 days movie review

Okay, where do I even start in describing the 365 days movie? Okay imagine like Beauty and the Beast but instead of being a Disney movie, it's a porno. Let's figure out what the hell Netflix got going on, okay so 365 Days and DNI basically translated in English means 365 days. It's a Polish movie that came out in February and recently made its way east United States by way of Netflix. It's based on an erotic book written by Blanca Lipinski. The movie adaptation here was written and directed by Barbara B Louis and Tomas climb ala.

365 Days cast and plot 365 Days/ 365 DNI softcore porn movie on netflix reviewThere is an 85% chance that there's a hundred percent chance that I said those names are wrong but onward the film stars Anna Maria as Laura said cuca and Michelle Moronne as Massimo maybe let's get into the plot here.  The movie starts where you see some sort of like mafia activity, there's a dude named Massimo and he's talking to his dad on this nice rooftop and the dad tells the son the most popular movie line in history you know what son one day you have to run the family business That's all good but the son is kind of distracted he's got these binoculars and he's looking down on the beach and he sees his beautiful woman. The next thing you know the dad just gets shot by some snipers on like another roof and literally just dies in his son's arms. Take the first three minutes of the movie cuts to five years later and Massimo is now indeed running this Italian mafia at the same time. That same beautiful woman that he saw these binoculars, her name's Laura she's on vacation in Sicily that's in Italy for those of you counting at home she's celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend who kind of sucks at being a boyfriend.

Coincidentally on that same birthday trip, Massimo randomly sees her at the airport and follows her to the resort that she's staying at we find out that Massimo has spent the last five years searching the globe for this woman and this is wild because it's basically like you're riding the train and you see the love of your life. She gets off the train all of a sudden five years later you pull up at Wendy's and there she is is Wendy's canceled anyway, back to Italy Massimo pulls up on her as soon as she's separated from her friends and kidnaps her yep on her freaking birthday. Massimo now has this girl from Poland all the way in Italy away from all her friends and family takes away her phone and her laptop and tells her ''I'm gonna give you a chance to fall in love with me'' what a treat Massimo what a freaking treat. He tells Laura that he'll never force himself on her and if she doesn't fall in love with him in 365 days uh-huh, he'll set her free she has a whole year to fall in love with this dude but in less than two months she's in love and my TV goes from Netflix to sex flix and off we go we got a movie so what's my take you might be wondering how I found out about this damn movie duh. Was the sex scenes real in 365 days? Well, sources have confirmed that it was NOT.

Check this airport, airplane girl scene in 365 days. (Explicit)

Lord of mouth is that wordplay yes it is but first things first this movie it was met with a lot of criticism and not just because it's about an hour and 54 minutes of freaky deeky sex but because some critics are saying it glorifies Stockholm Syndrome what Stockholm Syndrome you might ask that's John Stockton  Syndrome is when it's like when you fall in love with being kidnapped no it's when you are a kidnapper who loves no it's because that's the only make sense as when you got kidnapped right you know what let's just someone else can explain this. The robbery that named the condition Stockholm Syndrome is generally defined as the occurrence, were hostages form emotional attachments to their captors and/or begin to feel sympathy for them.

Criminologist and psychiatrists Nils Boudreau first coined the term Stockholm Syndrome in 1973 that year four people were held hostage during a bank robbery in Stockholm Sweden yet upon being released the hostages didn't show any anger towards their captor instead they defended him and even refused to testify against him in court since then Stockholm Syndrome has been spotted in various situations. It has been recorded in victims of sexual abuse human trafficking discrimination terror and political and religious oppression as well.

365 days Actors Instagram 1)Anna Maria 2)Michelle Morrone

Okay you Maxton points there and in this movie, Massimo is a mob boss so he has to a ton of money you can take her shopping and buy all this fly when she finally admits that she's in love with him, Massimo lets her have her cell phone back her laptop back so she lets her best friend pull up and her best friends like a girl you're trapped in a gold cage you're not really in love and Laura trying to convince her best friend that she actually is in love. There's actually FBI evidence that shows only 8% of kidnapping victims show any signs of Stockholm Syndrome so might not be as prevalent as we think it is but I in say it's an FBI why don't we use these are these Wikipedia I didn't make this up let's say we take the controversial nature of the movie away is it worth the watch?

No of course not from a storyline or acting standpoint but if you've been in quarantine for 90 days 13 hours and 26 minutes and you have the desire to see what I imagine is a 20/20 version of Fifty Shades of Grey Mazal find out what the hype is about these sex scenes are so damn steamy there's a good chance and I'm pregnant you know when you used to watch skinemax, I mean I don't have that channel but I would imagine thinking okay obviously they're not really having sex when you're watching 365 Days movie online.

If you really want to watch or stream 365 Days Online, don't forget to check out this link in the English version.

 I like you know it's not real but then you be thinking is that real because it'd be looking real but it can't be real could it be who knows, what they're allowed to do in Poland. I guess I'm gonna give 365 Days a 2.5 stars. 365 days movie was rated   3.3/10 on IMDB and no consensus yet on Rotten Tomatoes.   I probably would've given it two stars but it's at least I have to start with that movie sex in there obviously if you do watch this movie the ending will have you questioning if there's room for a sequel, I mean if a second movie of 365 dni is possible or not. There's been no news of another 365 dni movie but don't worry this book actually is a trilogy and the second book came out in 2018 and with this movie doing so well in Poland and now killing it in the United States on Netflix. 365 days had a $9.5 million at the box office. There are some beautiful songs and soundtracks in 365 dni movie:

Michele Morrone-Hard For Me Ghost Monroe-I Am The Fire The Rigs-The Hunted Michele Morrone-Dark Room Nick Kingsley & Hannah Hart-You Made A Monster Alex Condlife & Lamb Hands-You Michele Morrone-Watch Me Burn Malo-Kiss Me Röyksopp-Here She Comes Again  The Venice Connection-The Times Of Our Lives "- Everybody Loves An Outlaw-I See Red Fly Project-Toca Toca SATV Music-Finish Line

Robin Loxley & Smudge Mason-Coming Back Everybody Loves An Outlaw-Give Em Hell Mabel-Don’t Call Me Up  Raphael Lake, Aaron Levy & Daniel Ryan Murphy-Prisoner Raphael Lake-Another Wave  Lee Richardson, Jonathan Murill, Tom Ford-Here Comes The Thunder Theo Chinara & Craig Hardy-Lost In Your Eyes Michele Morrone-Feel It Everybody Loves An Outlaw-I See Red

Check this out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnRpxw2UlXQ

Talking about the ending, did Laura died or got pregnant with Nacho's child? Well, we don't really know, some say she was simply kidnapped and some believed she could have been killed by Massimo's rivals. I'm pretty sure we haven't seen the last of Massimo's but as always thanks for checking out Movies Reviewer, who knew that I had so much range that I could also do softcore porn reviews, what a time if you fill in the post make sure you share this posts as much as possible every week you never know what you're gonna get if you've seen this movie let me know in the comments if you want to see a sequel if you haven't seen this movie let me know in the comments if you plan to see this movie thanks for reading, see you with another Movie Review.

[fuzziekins]

I would like to ask you all of the pride questions from that one post.

Dammit Steve XD

Gender and pronouns?  Female and she/her are fine, as far as i know i’m cis. i don’t care if you call me dude, though. Dude can be anyone.

Romantic orientation? i use demi-whatromantic, with demiromantic as the microlabel. Most people know whatromantic as quoiromantic or quoi. i think what/quoi is typically known as a microlabel, but i relate to that more and feel it describes me more compared to demi which is why i focus more on that aspect.

Sexual orientation? In lamest terms? Asexual. In my terms? Stereotypical ace. In specific terms? S-x repulsed asexual.

Past labels you’ve used? i didn’t use anything before discovering asexuality because naive and oblivious, as far as i know. Before demi-whatromantic i briefly used demiromantic as a placeholder even though that didn’t totally feel right on its own.

How long have you been using your current labels? Asexual since late October 2017 and officially, or i guess out, since February 2018. Demi-whatromantic i think has been for maybe 6ish months now?

What made you pick your name? i had no say in my name lol. I haven’t changed it at all

What names have you gone by previously? Unless nicknames count for anything, just my regular boring name.

What names have you considered using? i’ve only ever considered using other names for me as a Pokemon trainer in the games which is obviously not the same. But, for the record, every time i start a game using the male trainer i’d use the name Larry.

Do you like your flag(s)? i don’t focus on the demiromantic flag as much, only because i feel less of the connection to compared to ace and what. The asexual flag has definitely given me a new appreciation for purple, but as a former art student i’ve been taught that black is typically the absence or color and white encompasses all the colors. so i do wish the ace flag had more colors just so i can stop referring to purple as the “only” color. i definitely appreciate and like the look of the whatromantic flag, but i don’t think as many people are aware of what it looks like or that it even exists. i especially love the shade of blue used in it.

Favorite flag(s) visually? Gonna be unoriginal and say the gay pride flag just because i love rainbows. 

Favorite colors? Blue has always been a favorite of mine, and i used to gravitate mostly towards lighter shades of purple but now i just include purple in general.

Favorite animals? Puppies, kitties, bunnies, hamsters, monkeys, ponies.... Actually, probably best just to say adorable fluffy animals.

Favorite things about being LGBT+? i like having an explanation for being me. i don’t look my age to begin with and i definitely don’t act like it. So people assuming there’s something wrong with me mentally because of it, or wanting to avoid me in general.... i know people have their feelings about stereotypes and a lot of times it is negative, but for me knowing that a stereotypical ace basically describes who i am, it feels reassuring. And i like knowing that i don’t have to act or think or do completely of what’s expected of me because in a heteronormative world, being LGBT+ completely flips that around. Even if to me, it doesn’t always feel like i have a place because i don’t know many queer people and i don’t get involved in things in general, somewhere in my mind i know that there’s a place for me.

Are you dysphoric? Not that i know of.

Are you religious? Nope. i don’t fast, i don’t keep kosher, i don’t go to temple, i never went to Hebrew school.... But it doesn’t make me any less connected to my religion and, as selfish as it sounds, i still wanna make a point of it and remind people, hey us Jews exist, too!

Are you questioning your identity? Some parts of it i do question sometimes, mostly in terms of aesthetic attraction. But i fluctuate with including that attraction in my identity. And i do question how much, if at all it does or could play a part in my romantic attraction. 

Are you in a relationship? Haha, funny. Nope.

Are you out of the closet IRL? For the most part, yes. It’s primarily in terms of saying i’m asexual or just queer, but part of that depends who i’m talking to, if or when it comes up in conversation, and how comfortable i feel talking to people about it.

Is your family supportive? i honestly don’t know if my extended family knows, even though i do post pride related things on my Instagram which some of them do follow and i have posted about it there. But, as annoyed as my mom can get with my ace jokes or comments sometimes, she accepts me for who i am and supports me, and has, probably before even knowing the term asexual existed, had an assumption a typical relationship happening for me was slim. And i know without a doubt that if my dad was still around he would definitely be supportive of me and not cared what i identified as, what i looked like, who i liked or didn’t like, or anything like that. 

Favorite LGBT+ celebrity or historical figure? Neil Patrick Harris is definitely one of them, and i think another favorite is probably Demi Lovato.

Favorite LGBT+ couple IRL? Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. i love NPH and the family that he and David have are just the most precious things ever! Plus the way they go all out for Halloween every year? HELL. YES.

Favorite LGBT+ canon character? First one that comes to mind is Asami from Legend of Korra. Because Asami. Another one is Cyrus Goodman from Andi Mack. i loved watching his journey on the show and also knowing that there are kids who were watching Disney Channel that could not only relate to and look up to him as a queer character but also as a queer Jewish character. Plus he was just the most precious character and i just wanted to hug him!

Favorite LGBT+ canon fictional couple? Korra and Asami from Legend of Korra; Stef and Lena from The Fosters; Kat and Adena from The Bold Type.

Some characters you headcanon as LGBT+? Elsa and Honeymaren from Frozen 2. Don’t get me started, i will NEVER shut up. I’m going down with that ship.

Some LGBT+ pairings you ship? i know i already said Kat and Adena from the Bold Type. As of the current season they are - spoiler - not together and have not been done the justice to them as characters or their relationship. I continue to ship them, i love the chemistry the actors always have between them and how believable it is for their characters, and i’m just anxiously waiting for the day when they can hopefully FINALLY get back together.

Any celebrity crushes? If by crushes you mean celebrities i admire, look up to, think are cute, and would probably watch almost any show or movie if they were in it? Zendaya. The same has also applied to Corbin Bleu.

Any fictional crushes? As long as the same rule applies to the previous question and also includes being obsessed yet completely in control of that obsession and that character is also a muse for creativity? Elsa.

A trope you dislike about your identity? Probably that it’s a phase or i just haven’t met the right person yet. It took me probably too long to know let alone even understand why i didn’t think so much of romance or relationships and why i was never looking for or really wanting an actual relationship. For the most part, that’s been my whole life so to say my whole life is just some kind of phase or imply that i’m living it wrong? Just. No.

A trope about your identity that applies to you? Maybe this falls more under the stereotypical asexual label, but that aces can be very childlike. i’ve always been a kid at heart, i never really acted like my age, and yeah i can be really naive or clueless about a lot of things. 

Something you wish people understood about your identity? Probably just that people understood it’s an actual identity. It’s not a choice, it’s not a phase. It’s not a label someone created just to be able to fit in somewhere or for sh-ts and giggles. It’s an actual, legitimate, real identity. 

Something you dislike about being LGBT+? I feel like i can’t fully comment on it because sometimes i don’t fully feel LGBT+. Not having more than a couple of friends who identify as queer, not actively getting involved in the community or really wanting to be around people in general...i can only say what i dislike based on what i’ve seen online. And what i don’t like is that the LGBT+ community is supposed to be that - a community. It’s supposed to be a place where we can all relate to each other somehow, support each other and rely on each other. It’s supposed to be a place where, regardless of what label or how many labels we use, if we’re not straight it’s our place. We belong. But people still find a way to want to kick people out or treat people badly just because they don’t understand or agree on the label. Or maybe they don’t like or understand why someone chose a certain label or doesn’t have one at all or just uses queer. People still find a way to exclude and ignore and that’s not fair at all.

If you’re not cis, do you want HRT and/or surgery?

If you’re not straight, who was your first same-gender crush? Are we still going by either of my crush definitions from earlier....?

Do you align with any gay subcategories? (Butch/femme, bear/twink, etc.) Not that i know of. I don’t think i even know a lot, or maybe any of the subcategories at all besides those mentioned.

Do you have any LGBT+ idols? Elton John is the one that comes to mind. Knowing the life he had, the addictions he struggled with and ultimately overcame, becoming an activist and philanthropist especially for HIV/AIDS, growing up on his music... He dealt with a lot and has gone through so much but he’s come out so much stronger and has not only had a successful career but has also tried to do his part to help others for a cause that he believes in. 

Do you own pride merch? Would you like to? A pride hat, 2 pride scarves, a few pride pins, an asexual lanyard.... i would definitely like to have a t-shirt with an ace pun at it at some point, though.

Do you have a type in partners? Probably water. Or were you talking about actual human partners and not Pokemon partners in the games?

Do you have a type in friends? i actually don’t think i chose any of my friends. As far as i can think of, all of the friends i do have came into my life kind of by accident or by chance and they’re the ones who have stuck around. i do think most of my friends though have senses of humors and are loyal, although the closest ones are definitely WAY more levelheaded than i am! XD

[miracles-totally-come-true]

When I Will Be Gone (2/2)

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Pairing: Logince

Summary: Logan loves Roman with all of his heart. Logan can see that Roman wants to do more with his life. Logan can also see that his own life just isn’t working. Logan thinks he can fix both of their problems.

Roman only wants to spend his life with his boyfriend. He’s perfectly fine with giving up on his dreams if it means waking up every day to see Logan’s face.

Roman only wishes he had said that sooner.

Ao3 link: (Tumblr isn’t letting me link it in a neat and simple way, so you get a large oversized link to the fic)

This was originally meant to be read as a oneshot, but Tumbr doesn’t seem to like me and won’t let me post the whole thing at once, so here’s the first part

A Quick Note:

When anything is written in italics, this means that the text is part of Logan's recording. The recording takes place a few hours earlier than the story's present day.

—————————

You’re the only one who could possibly missed me, so I have three requests

September 12, three years prior

"My love is and always will be, completely unconditional. You are incredible,"

When I will be gone, do not think back on the memories, they will only hurt you more.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"I could never not look back. I'd be lost if I couldn't think back to all the amazing time we've spent together so far,"

When I will be gone, smile, for you have so many more opportunities to turn your life around than ever before. You have the chance to be truly happy for the first time in years.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"No, this can't be real. This is a prank. Logan wouldn't..... he would never....."

When I will be gone, leave. Move to LA or NYC, start your life over. Enjoy yourself.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Numb. That's all he felt at this point. This was wrong. This wasn't something that should ever happen. This couldn't be happening.

I'm sorry. I never meant for things to end this way.

November 27th, three years prior

The fish had finally croaked. Logan had always said that it was holding on longer than he had expected, but Roman hadn't thought it would actually die. They both agreed that another fish was a necessity.

I understand that this is most likely a mistake, but I also know that this is something I feel that I must do. I know I could just walk away and forget about all of this, back to you. But I can't.

January 30th, two years prior

They were back in the rose-filled meadow, sitting beside a tree, painting. Logan's canvas was very monotone, nearly done, with lots of geometric shapes. He was using a ruler.

Roman on the other hand, didn't care about perfection. His painting was of them both, all done in different shades of red and blue.

I can't walk on this earth, knowing that I am dragging you down. You deserve so much more than I can give you.

May 4th, two years prior

A pottery class. Roman didn't know how he convinced Logan to come. But they were both enjoying it, and that was what mattered. Logan had a smudge of clay on his cheek, which Roman failed to point out to him, since he found it absolutely adorable. It ended up drying and they spend ages trying to successfully get it off.

I am a despicable human being, I can't believe that I have gone this long trying to say that I'm merely walking away. You have probably figured out what's going on though.

October 14th, two years prior

The couple stood on the bank of a creek, skipping stones and occasionally attempting to serenade the other. Logan refused to actually sing though, so it ended up mostly being one large rap battle.

I never had any intention of simply skipping town.

January 1st, one year prior

Smiles, snowball fights, hot chocolate, mittens drying over the vent. Today was a good day.

I don't know why I thought I could tell you that. We both know that I would never be able to stay away. Hope is a dangerous thing.

February 14th, one year prior

So much chocolate. Roman knew that Logan would never be able to eat it all, but he had bought it for him anyways. It was truly worth the smile that Logan gave him though.

You mean too much to me for me to be able to continue to live, knowing that I have the opportunity to come back. I have to do this, it's the only way to save you from the pain that is clearly taking you over.

August 1st, one year prior

They were back in Roman's living room, waltzing. Logan didn't know how to waltz. Roman barely knew the basics. Still, they kept at it until their feet ached.

Remember the meadow in which we had our first date? The roses here are exquisite. So many memories...

Present day, Roman's perspective

The meadow. That's where Logan would be. He had to go, had to save him. Roman wouldn't be able to ever forgive himself if something irreversible happened. Roman grabbed the recording. He'd let it finish playing as he drove there.

I seem to have hit my emotional breaking point. I don't remember the last time I allowed myself to cry like this.

December 8th, seven months prior

A sweet kiss. Moonlight filtered through the window, illuminating the blush on both of their faces.

Please Roman, let go. Travel the world, be the actor that you've always wanted to be. I'm leaving you every last item of value in my possession for you to use to pay for your new life, don't use your own money until mine is all gone.

June 18th, two days before the recording was made

The blanket fort probably wasn't the best idea, but it was comfortable and made for the best possible movie watching experience. They had both seen every Disney movie countless times, but nonetheless it was time for another movie marathon.

I love you so much, please don't take this as a sign that you weren't enough, because that isn't true. You were everything you could possibly be with me there. I am the one who is the failure.

Present day, Roman's perspective

He wouldn't get there in time. He wouldn't be able to make it. He'd only be met with the remains of the man he loved. But he could still try. Giving up was cowardly and uncharacteristic for him. Roman slid the locket around his neck.

Reincarnation is illogical, and so is the idea of an afterlife, but perhaps we shall meet again, my love.

Present day, June 20th, Logan's perspective

He looked down at the rose bushes around him. He had waited long enough, Roman would be figuring out where he was and showing up to stop him soon. He couldn't let that happen. Seeing Roman's face would be enough to make him stop, for the time being at least. That wasn't what Logan wanted.

The blood red roses around him were truly beautiful.

He was finally met with the one sound he had wanted to hear for as long as he could remember.

The birds stopped chirping. Complete silence.

"Roman, I love you," his last words, and they would explain the only emotion Logan had ever really admitted to having.

He could rest at last.

The safety on his pistol clicked off.

First part

[bolddeducktionneverfails]

Launchpad’s Association With Della Duck: The End of The Runway?

Some time after the premiere of the DuckTales reboot, I came across speculation regarding Launchpad possibly being the father of the triplets; a claim that has probably followed the character since the debut of the original series. (A lot of us probably thought about it at least once when we were younger.) I wasn’t in favor of the idea, but I was still open to Launchpad having something else to do with Della. They’re pilots after all, so I figured some sorta connection could be made: Maybe Launchpad was a fan of hers or a flight school colleague. Were they best friends? Could Launchpad have been a friend of the triplets’ father? Maybe he was the one who brought the couple together.

As the show progressed, along with the Disney Duck media that followed it, Della's outfit changed colors. When “Dime Chase” aired, her Money Bin portrait depicted her without black gloves, tan shorts instead of a cream colored pair and her scarf was suddenly a shade of green as opposed to a peachy-looking color. In the previews for the IDW comics, her outfit pretty much fell in line with the newer painting, but I noticed how her scarf was now a shade of teal that was very close to Launchpad's hat. Then in "House of The Lucky Gander!", Launchpad showed competence and maturity when he went out on a dangerous mission to check on his old girlfriend. The release of IDW's second and third issues of DuckTales comics gave us an idea of what Della was like and she seemed like someone who could get along pretty well with Launchpad. And eventually, I realized that Ziyi may have gone missing...just like Della did. 

This was getting all too interesting. From that point on, I decided to consider the theory and continued to find other notable occurrences that could indicate Launchpad and Della having a past. I became convinced and took another stab at connecting the dots:

First, I started off with the concept of Launchpad trying to figure out what happened to Della like Dewey and Webby were. Maybe he was hoping his job with Scrooge would help him get some answers. Webby stated in "Dime Chase" that bad things happen to those who speak of Della Duck, so maybe he was waiting for the best time to ask; gaining the family’s trust and perhaps doing his own secret investigation in the meantime. Then, after trying to figure out Launchpad’s odd behavior in “The Last Crash of The Sunchaser!” and “The Shadow War”, I began to think that maybe he already knew that Della got lost in Space after taking the Spear and that he’s been wanting to help Scrooge find her because it might be his fault in some way. Maybe applying for the chauffeur job was his way of making up for his involvement. I also wanted to believe that maybe he’s been playing dumb to an extent because he's afraid of everyone getting mad at him.

When the description for "Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!" was released, it was very vague about whether Della succeeded or not with rebuilding the Spear. I was stuck in the mindset that it would be too early for her to make it directly to her family. I thought that maybe she would at least make it to Earth, but there would still be another struggle for her to face in order for her to make it back to Duckburg. After "Golden Spear" aired, I wondered if there was a catch to the ending. The switch happened so fast and the sky looked really eerie...I thought it was a dream Della was having after she had crashed elsewhere. But once IGN posted a clip from “Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!” to assure us that Della really was coming home this early in the season, I began to anticipate a family reunion involving Launchpad and Della being on screen together; finally revealing their secret connection to everyone and…

They don’t know each other.

Their very first interaction on the show is Della yelling at Launchpad and angrily running out of Donald's Houseboat to confront Scrooge about replacing her.

This scene should have been a devastating blow that cancelled out all of Launchpad's eligibility and should have prevented any other way to work around it.

But instead...it caused me to look further and reroute my ideas.

When Della told Scrooge the original names she had in mind for Huey, Dewey and Louie, I could have yelled...if I wasn’t watching TV so early in the morning...“Jet” is Launchpad’s first name in the Italian Ducktales dub and “Turbo” is his name in the Dutch version. “Rebel”, as far as I know, has nothing to do with Launchpad. It’s probably included because it breaks the pattern...unless this is referring to the fact that Launchpad is an (very) unorthodox airplane pilot.

A ʟɪsᴛ ᴏғ Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ’s ɪɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇs ғʀᴏᴍ ʜɪs I.N.D.U.C.K.S ᴘᴀɢᴇ

So...Della basically wanted to name her children after Launchpad in the same episode where they meet for the very first time? A lot of Disney research goes into this show, so it's really hard for me to believe the show runners would choose two names that just so happen to already belong to Launchpad.  Even without intentionally thinking of his alternate names, the words "jet", "turbo" and "launchpad" all go hand-in-hand with each other.

Why is the foreground telling us that Della and Launchpad have nothing to do with each other when the background is giving us every reason to doubt this?

This lead me into thinking of something I would have never fathomed:

What if LP used to be the father...but an event changed him into who we currently know him as?

One character turning out to be another isn't a new thing in the DT fandom. When Season 1 was still premiering, there were theories going around about Della being Magica and Webby being a de-aged Della due to a magical incident. I'm usually against these theories because they tend to involve two well-known characters with established histories. Neither of them would be able to exist at the same time; a sacrifice would have to be made and that doesn't feel right. But with HDL's father, we know so little about him, that it would be easier to merge his history with someone else who shares enough similarities with him: Launchpad and the father are both accident prone ducks with red hair and possible military involvement. With Della being a pilot with an unknown lover, that makes this an even better fit.

Fʀᴏᴍ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴘᴀɢᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ DᴜᴄᴋTᴀʟᴇs ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄs

If Launchpad went through a change, then what type of crazy event could have caused him to become unrecognizable? The first thing that comes to my mind is the cosmic storm.

Issue 18 of IDW's DuckTales comics provided us with a story called "Money Grubbing Hooligans From The Deep!" . It's about a submarine pilot, who shares many similarities with Della, traveling a great distance to save Launchpad after someone mislead her into believing he was kidnapped and enslaved.

Her rescue mission caused such an unusual amount of seismic activity, that a tsunami warning had to be issued out across Duckburg. So basically, a pilot had secret intentions of helping a loved one, that involved traveling through strange weather patterns.

While the comics are not necessarily set as canon, they will sometimes loosely parallel certain events from the show.  Like how the first two issues revolved around Donald looking for a job and how that element was present in the pilot episode. “Happy Happy Valley!”  seems to be inspired by “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!”. The plot for “The Incredible Shrinking Webby!” sounds similar to “The Most Dangerous Game…Night!” where Gyro’s shrink ray got out of hand.

"Money Grubbing Hooligans From The Deep!" seems to be partially inspired by “The Depths of Cousin Fethry!”. In that episode, Huey and Dewey answer Fethry's call about a discovery at the Mid-Atlantic ridge and trick Launchpad into stealing Scrooge's submarine in order to meet him. Dewey claimed that Scrooge wanted them to go on this "Totally non-suspicious trip to 'test the equipment.'" He also rips out the sub's radio, causing them to lose contact with Scrooge. When they reach their destination, Launchpad gets side-tracked by the call of a mermaid he previously dated.

Later on, Fethry realized that the monster they were trying to escape from, was actually a previous member of his krill team. He didn't recognize her at first because her body was altered by the chemicals in the hydrothermal vents. As he tried to jog her memory, he brought up a moment where they had shared a rib-eye together; it sounded very reminiscent of a date.

Then afterwards, Launchpad returns to the lighthouse after possibly helping his ex out of a situation. He wore an Aquaman-esque outfit, basically held a golden spear in his hand, and had color-coded creatures attached to him that matched the triplets in color and personality traits. 

So, in short, a vehicle was stolen under a false claim when the real intention involved a family member and a previous lover.

Back in February, PhatMojo showcased their upcoming DuckTales merchandise for the New York Toy Fair. People weren’t able to take pictures of the new additions at the event, but Phatmojo added pictures of a different display full of mock-ups and prototypes to their website; possibly from a section of their office. In the first row of the posable figure area, a mock-up package of Launchpad, dressed in the Chinese armor he wore at the end of “Gander”, was placed next to a mock-up package of Della’s Post-Spear design. 

(Sᴏᴜʀᴄᴇ)

For some reason, they’re the only ones with the blue sky background and gold label, opposed to the sunset background and teal label a lot of the Wave 2 toys have. This could just be an indication that these are story elements from Season 1 or maybe sunset and teal was decided after these mock-ups were put together and the final products will convert to it, but at the moment...this really makes the two pilots stand out…Below the figures were a couple of boxes with talking plush toys. One of which, had a Launchpad plush leaning on a toy of the Spear.

The placement of the items shown might not be completely random: Lunaris is placed under Della and he definitely has something to do with her this season. Donald is placed in between him and a figure pack that looks a lot like the triplets in space suits. And the figure packs containing Gizmoduck, Della Duck and Darkwing Duck are grouped together when they have a connection to the Moon. While Della and Darkwing are self-explanatory, Gizmoduck was involved with the Moon Level in the classic DuckTales video game. Perhaps this was hinting towards their involvement in Donald’s rescue or the invasion in general. 

PM could certainly be hinting something with Launchpad and Della too, LP’s outfit comes directly from the case of a missing loved one and the toy company is well-aware of what will happen in the future of the show. If LP has nothing to do with Della, wouldn’t there be some temptation to place Donald next to her instead? They’re twins, it’s a much better fit and the row would have been full of the original adventuring trio. 

If the packaging of Launchpad and Della’s figures were done as an indication between seasons, it’s kinda odd to have Macaw!LP in a group of Season 2 focused toys and especially being something that’s seen as a small running gag. It’s like, why not make a figure out of Launchpad’s look from “Depths”? It’s a similar situation, but more recent. The fact that this version of the character is getting a toy really seems to suggest that this subject will be brought up again with something significant attached.

Another interesting thing about the picture of the display is the time that it was released: It was added to PhatMojo’s website during the time the Toy Fair was happening; February 16th to the 19th. A day later, Issue 18 was released on the 20th, when it’s original date was planned for the 13th, closer to Valentine’s Day. Two days later, a clip from “Whatever Happened to Della Duck?!” was posted to Disney Channel’s YouTube account and the following day, a promo begin to air...two weeks before the episode premiered. 

This was the episode to break up a long hiatus, so it was probably being promoted this early to generate hype, but like...a photo of a display with Launchpad and Della next to each other, a toy of Launchpad leaning against the Spear in that same photo, a story about a female submarine pilot wanting to save Launchpad and details about Della’s mysterious journey, all getting released in such a short period of time? This is looking a bit pre-planned...

Before “Whatever Happened” aired, I remember seeing some speculation about Della possibly being affected by the cosmic storm in some way. Huey asks her about this in “Nothing Can”, but it's left unanswered, similarly to Huey's question about Zeus controlling all storms in “The Spear of Selene!”. Could this be implying that Zeus was probably the one who created the cosmic storm? And if Della wasn't affected...couldn’t that leave the possibility that someone else may have been?

I didn’t catch this the first time I heard it, but Launchpad’s “a little lightning never killed anyone” quote from “Selene” sounds a lot like he was struck by lightning before. He said a similar thing in the latter half of "Woo-oo!' after he got a pile of snakes dropped on him. He's probably been bitten by snakes many other times and knew that the venom wouldn't be able to kill him.

Launchpad made joke in the DT joke book about getting struck by lightning and Zeus was mentioned along with it...LP has yet to be on screen at the same time as Zeus, or any other Greek deity for that matter. (A similar thing usually happens whenever the Duck Cousins are focused on. He's been on screen with Donald before, but they hardly ever interact.) Both the joke and the quote could have been referring to a past encounter. And judging by LP's avoidance, it could have been a negative one. He seemed a bit nervous about leaving the plane when it crashed on Ithaquack. We've seen Donald get directly struck by Zeus' lighting in “Golden Spear” and nothing special happened to him, but combined with the radiation of the cosmic storm? It's bound to do something to somebody.

Iɴ "Tʜᴇ Sᴘᴇᴀʀ ᴏғ Sᴇʟᴇɴᴇ", Wᴇʙʙʏ ᴛʜᴇᴏʀɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ Dᴇʟʟᴀ sᴛᴏʟᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴘᴇᴀʀ, sʜᴇ ᴀɴɢᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴡʀᴀᴛʜ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ. Tʜɪs ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏɴ Dᴇʟʟᴀ's ᴇɴᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ sᴇᴇ ʜᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴏғғ ɪɴᴛᴏ Sᴘᴀᴄᴇ. Sᴏ, ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴏʀᴛɪᴏɴ ʙᴇ ғᴏʀᴇsʜᴀᴅᴏᴡɪɴɢ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴍᴀʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴅᴏɴᴇ?

Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴍᴀʏ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛs ᴏғ "Gᴀᴍᴇ Nɪɢʜᴛ" ᴀɴᴅ Sᴘᴀᴄᴇ: Gʏʀᴏ ᴡᴀs ᴛɪᴛʟᴇᴅ ᴀs ᴀ ɢᴏᴅ-ᴋɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ ᴢᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪs sʜʀɪɴᴋ ʀᴀʏ. Aғᴛᴇʀᴡᴀʀᴅs, Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪʙᴇᴅ ʜɪs sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀs ʙᴇɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴀ "Gɪᴀɴᴛ Wᴏʀʟᴅ ᴏғ Nɪɢʜᴛᴍᴀʀᴇ Hᴏʀʀᴏʀs". Pᴇɴᴜᴍʙʀᴀ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪʙᴇs Eᴀʀᴛʜ ɪɴ ᴀ sɪᴍɪʟᴀʀ ᴡᴀʏ.

Issue 18 made me wonder if Launchpad could have been abducted by aliens. His character has a history of space travel and he’s been abducted by aliens before in the original Darkwing Duck series. Launchpad’s behavior in “Terror” really seemed to indicate that he may have gone through a situation where a shape-shifting creature, perhaps after turning into someone he trusted, attacked him and the mole monster movie was bringing that memory back. While he was talking about how anyone could be a mole monster, he stands in front of an alien poster. The poster for the mole movie is right next to it. 

In “Moorshire”, Launchpad got taken away by the kelpies, creatures that are known to shape-shift, in the remains of the golf cart he was driving. Huey noticed he was gone and went to save him before it was too late. Maybe Launchpad’s past self used to be an astronaut pilot and the aliens attacked him in his ship.

If Launchpad was somewhere in the area where the cosmic storm was, that would explain why Della pressed forward instead of turning around. Scrooge told her to turn back, implying she could, right? If not, I suppose the poor connection delayed his warning. Scrooge talking to Della at that moment may have been the first time he was able to contact her since taking the rocket. The way Della reacted to the video connection cutting in and out seemed like she may have struggled with it earlier. But if she could have turned back to dodge the storm completely and if it was simply a test-run like Scrooge had claimed, there was no need for her to deliberately go through the storm without a purpose. There had to have been something she was trying to get to in the direction of it and she felt like passing through was the best option.

Lᴀᴜɴᴄʜᴘᴀᴅ ʟᴏᴏsɪɴɢ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ Lᴏᴜɪᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴘʜᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀʟʟ ɪɴ "Gᴀᴍᴇ Nɪɢʜᴛ", ɪs sɪᴍɪʟᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ʜᴏᴡ Dᴇʟʟᴀ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ Sᴄʀᴏᴏɢᴇ ɪɴ "Lᴀsᴛ Cʀᴀsʜ". Tʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇᴅ.

There could be a parallel between Della's departure from Earth and her departure from the Moon: 

Donald didn't want her and the family to go into Space because it was too dangerous with HDL on the way. Penumbra didn't want Della to bring the Moonlanders to Earth because she thought it was too dangerous and didn't like the idea of Della's planet being better than hers.

Della promised to take the Moonlanders to Earth, similarly to how she wanted her family to go to Space, but the emergency launch being activated caused her to break it. This might be hinting that something sudden and urgent caused her take the Spear as soon as she did.

In "Dime Chase", Webby questioned if Della betrayed Scrooge and the Moonlanders felt betrayed when Della ended up leaving without them.

Della's urgency for leaving the Moon was so she could finally get back to her family. Based on the fact that she placed the family photo on the dashboard of the Spear when she first entered Space, family could have been a driving force in that situation too.

I find it extremely interesting that Scrooge compared the Sunchaser situation in “Last Crash” to the Spear incident while Dewey was desperately trying to resolve the mystery about his mother. As Dewey tried to find answers in “The Spear of Selene!”, Selene talks about how much Della loved a good mystery and also how much she loved her family.

Because of these things and the fact that Dewey is so similar to Della, this could be an indication why the whole Spear thing got started: she too could have been making a great risk to solve a mystery.

The dialogue during the scene where Dewey is outside of the plane may have been hinting this:

Webby and Louie try to talk him out of chasing the missing piece.

"Dewey, this is crazy! The mystery's not worth it!"

"I--I get it, but you can't give up the rest of us to find the one person we lost!"

Launchpad comes up to the window after this is said. The glass creates a divide between him and the rest of the group as he makes a statement that comes off as completely irrelevant. Huey takes the walkie-talkie from him.

"Dewey, our family is amazing! We're enough, let it go!"

Then, Dewey angrily chucks his walkie-talkie; losing connection with his brother.

So, maybe this is what could have happened: Aliens or something else could have caused the father to go missing for a long period of time. After realizing he disappeared, Della may have started an investigation that turned into a plan for a family rescue. Somewhere in this, she could have gone to Selene for help with the mystery. Maybe Della named the Spear after her friend to express gratitude.

It’s very possible that she had intentions of bringing her family together and letting the father know about their children, but after Donald voiced his negative opinion of the trip and refused to let her take the boys, her plans were disrupted. Somehow, she found out about the Spear and could have started reworking around this. Perhaps the father was trying to come home at this point and eventually got caught in the cosmic storm. He could have sent out a mayday but lost his connection. Maybe Della received his distress call or was given an idea of where he was and took off to help him.

Since Launchpad has been very secretive about his love-life and Della’s hasn't been directly mentioned anywhere, I feel like she may have not told Scrooge and Donald about the father for some reason or anything about him being the underlying reason for wanting to explore Space.  For a while, I've been headcanoning that the couple was mainly nervous about what Donald would think of their relationship and decided to hold off on the introduction until they felt ready. (Aside from giving Della room to grow as a parent, perhaps one of the reasons why Donald was sent to Space was because he would have interfered with Della discovering who Launchpad really is.) 

Maybe she kept getting interrupted or ignored every time she wanted to talk about the father to her family. That tends to happen to Launchpad when he has something interesting to say. There could be a running gag playing off of the popular version of Don Rosa's Duck Family tree where the father's face and first name are "censored". What if she purposely left the father out of her explanation because she thought she would be more likely be to discouraged? To be told that the three of them were enough, like Huey said to Dewey?

I ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ ɪғ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ Dᴇʟʟᴀ's ᴘᴏssɪʙʟᴇ ʀᴇsᴄᴜᴇ ᴡᴀs ғᴜᴇʟᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀᴛᴇ ᴏғ ʜᴇʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛs. Mᴀʏʙᴇ sʜᴇ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀɪᴘʟᴇᴛs ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʙᴏᴛʜ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛs ʟɪᴋᴇ sʜᴇ ᴅɪᴅ.

Donald probably didn’t give Della a chance to explain everything when she brought up her ideas of Space travel during such a crucial point in time. Donald was quick to call Della reckless and brainless in "Last Christmas". There was even a parallel being made between that situation and the one surrounding the Spear: There was an underlying motive, she made a big deal, wanted to spend time with her family, packed a bunch of supplies and Donald was opposed to the adventure. She was also searching for someone to make another part of her family happy. When Della shared her plans about the rocket, he could have shot her down by insulting her and caused her to lose her point as they argued. 

ᴀs sᴇᴇɴ ɪɴ "Lᴀsᴛ Cʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs" ᴀɴᴅ "Sᴋʏ Pɪʀᴀᴛᴇs", ʙᴏᴛʜ Dᴇʟʟᴀ ᴀɴᴅ Dᴇᴡᴇʏ sᴇᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ɴᴇᴇᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄʟᴇᴀʀʟʏ.

After "Whatever Happened" premiered, I wanted to believe Della succeeded in her rescue mission, but got caught in the storm on the way back. That would explain why she was laser-focused on her boys, because she had already did what she needed to do. I had also thought her regret over the situation when she said "I will NOT fail them again!" mainly lied on the promise she made to her boys about finding a way back home. But what if she failed completely? What if she regrets ever stepping foot into the Spear because in the end, all it did was make her miss out on motherhood and did nothing to help the father? When it comes to the letter Della left behind, a lot of fans have been wondering why she wrote "I’m sorry" instead of "thank you". I first thought it was “sorry” as in “Sorry for ruining the surprise!”, but it could be “Sorry, but need to go on this mission!”, “Sorry, but I'm running out of time!”, “I'm sorry for whatever may happen after I do this!”. The letter sounds a lot like she had to do something against Scrooge's wishes that couldn’t wait. If this was just a test run, she could have definitely waited for certain conditions to be right.

After discovering that the moon mite was a mother, General Lunaris makes a statement that resonates deeply with Della.

"She put herself in danger, faced unknown threats, scoured this entire planet for any scrap of metal."

"...Because a mother would do anything for the sake of her kids."

The moon mite’s actions reflected Della’s. It wouldn't be as fitting if Della's decision was fueled by selfishness, therefore, she put herself in danger for something in relation to her kids.

Pᴇɴᴜᴍʙʀᴀ ғɪʀɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ʟᴀsᴇʀ ɢᴜɴ ᴀs Dᴇʟʟᴀ ᴄʜᴀʀɢᴇᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ ᴍɪᴛᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴠᴇʀʏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴɪsᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴏғ ʜᴏᴡ sʜᴇ ᴘᴜsʜᴇᴅ ғᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏsᴍɪᴄ sᴛᴏʀᴍ.

Scrooge's flashback made it look like Della cared more about adventure than her family, but then in Season 2, we see her doing everything she can to come back home and see her express her desire to be a good mother. She loves her family too much to suddenly cast them aside. Della is flawed; she impulsive, but at this point in the series, it's hard for me to think of her messing up this badly without a bigger reason being attached to it.

Ok, ok, so, that could explain why Della didn’t recognize Launchpad's physical appearance and a possible reason to why Della took the Spear, but why doesn't he recognize her? And why does Della not remember his name? After his meeting with Della in "Nothing Can", I looked back and realized that Launchpad may have been showing signs of amnesia.

 In "Beware of the B.U.D.D.Y System!", he can't remember if he has a pilot's license or not and makes the most bewildered face as he tries to think about this.

I thought that was extremely odd...I mean, either you have your license or you don't. How do you just forget something significant like that? Being a pilot is his passion. In the joke book , he claimed pilot's licenses don't exist. Huey confronts him about how wrong he is and asks if Launchpad has one. He doesn't answer.

Launchpad isn't good at remembering the lyrics to songs. In "Last Christmas!" he didn't know a majority of the words to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and had to improvise; mostly repeating the same phrase and forgetting the ninth day. In the description for the Theme Song Takeover video, the description highlights his forgetfulness. In "Moorshire", Launchpad is very confused about what golf is and constantly mixes it up with other sports. And in "Last Crash", he... doesn't seem to know what a parachute is…? In spite of all the piloting he does?

After Scrooge tells the kids not to tell Donald about their trip to Atlantis in "Woo-oo!", Launchpad quickly asks "Who is that?". I had wondered if maybe Scrooge referring to him as Uncle Donald was the part that threw Launchpad off. He was right there as Scrooge and Donald argued in front of the gate; saying each other's names. Maybe LP thought HDL were Donald's sons or the sons of a cousin. But seriously...Launchpad has been just about everywhere. So has Scrooge, Donald and Della. How can he know who Scrooge, the Richest Duck in The World, is without knowing who’s been accompanying him for many years? The family is so famous, he should have known about Donald and Della’s existence prior to working for Scrooge.

Wᴇ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ LP’s ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴅs ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ’ʀᴇ ᴊᴜᴍᴘɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀ. Mᴀʏʙᴇ ʜᴇ ᴅɪᴅ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ Dᴏɴᴀʟᴅ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀs sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ғɪɴᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴜɴᴄʟᴇ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ.

Webby describes Donald as one of the greatest adventurers of all time. Stepping out of the spotlight for a decade to raise the boys isn't long enough for him to be forgotten. Launchpad Is around the twins' age, so it's not like he was too young to remember hearing about their adventures.

Aside from forgetting about important items and significant people, Launchpad could be suffering from a loss of self-identity as well.

I had earlier speculations about LP being a spy since he briefly worked as one in the old DuckTales episode "Double O Duck" and joked around with the idea that he was only disguising himself as a bumbling pilot to retrieve more information about Della. Now, I think he would make a terrible spy since it's hard for him to lie...on purpose, but he still seems to have this double-life thing going on: he has two jobs with Scrooge. One he was hired for, the other one being more voluntary. He has a different outfit to go with each one instead of having a consistent set of clothes like everyone else. It's evident enough that he was going to wear his chauffeur look no matter what he was doing, but was later changed during production. Maybe this decision was done to illustrate how there is more than one side of him.

Tᴏᴘ, Lᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ Rɪɢʜᴛ: Fʀᴏᴍ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ 2ᴠᴇɪɴᴛᴇ’s ᴘʀᴏᴍᴏs, ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ Cᴏᴠᴇʀ B ғᴏʀ Issᴜᴇ #4, ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ Cᴏᴠᴇʀ B ғᴏʀ Issᴜᴇ #5.

Bᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ, Lᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ Rɪɢʜᴛ: A sᴄʀᴇᴇɴsʜᴏᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ Dᴜᴄᴋʙᴜʀɢ Qᴜᴇsᴛ ᴍᴏʙɪʟᴇ ɢᴀᴍᴇ, ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴ ᴇᴀʀʟʏ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴏ ᴀʀᴛ.

There was a long period of time where the IDW comics only featured LP in his chauffeur outfit on the cover, but depicted his piloting outfit on the inside. This went on until Issue 18. They probably had to revise all of his drawings to put him in that outfit, but it's interesting how they didn't go all the way.

Launchpad finds it extremely difficult to pretend to be someone else without acknowledging himself. In “B.U.D.D.Y”, when he asks Gyro for help, he splits himself into Not Launchpad and Launchpad to speak hypothetically but ends up confusing the two with each other. When he was pretending to be Donald in “Castle”, he quickly forgot he was supposed to be in disguise. He catches himself and tries to go back to being Donald, but he keeps reverting back to Launchpad. Fergus noted his "nephew's" drastic change in appearance and could sense he was confused.

Scrooge's confusion over Launchpad being a pilot in "Woo-oo!" may have had a double meaning. His ignorance towards Launchpad's mentions led him into being surprised, but combined with the fact that he can't recall getting his pilot's license, this could have been hinting that he was never a real pilot. Or at least, never an airplane pilot.

Like I had mentioned before, he could actually be an astronaut pilot. One of the requirements for being an astronaut selection candidate is having a certain amount of hours of flying a jet aircraft. This option is geared more towards candidates that start out from the military and as an old character description for Launchpad states, he may have had military involvement as a test pilot. 

Prior flying experience isn't needed to be a test pilot and a pilot's license isn't required to be an astronaut, but there is a six-week training process you have to go through to fly a military jet. Being another kind of pilot would explain why Launchpad has the basics of flying a plane and possibly why he can operate a sub exceptionally well without prior experience. 

If "Launchpad" isn't his real name, maybe it's something he remembered from his astronaut background. Was it a nickname he was given? An alter-ego he had previously made for himself? And after the amnesia confused him, it became something he fused with himself? 

Amnesia or not, one thing that's for certain is that LP has sustained a bunch of injuries; some of which were head injuries: He crashed into a wall in “Toth-Ra” while trying to catch Scrooge, he got hit with a golf club in “Moorshire”, he was rubbing his head after the Jeep hit the interior of the Sunchaser in “Last Crash”, and Scrooge caused him to hit the limo’s hood a few times in “Game Night”.

I suggested in my first Association post that Launchpad may have had a severe injury that kept him sidelined and one in relation to the head is looking very likely. The father was originally hospitalized for having a firecracker put under his chair and the show could be using that as a base. Amnesia could have occurred due to the whole Space incident being too stressful for him to remember or an outward force, like magic, could also be an explanation. Getting struck by lightning can also result in memory loss (as well as...many other problems). 

If Launchpad truly is amnesic, his awareness isn't in full like I had previously thought it was, it's partially hidden in his subconscious. He'll do or say certain things and maybe he's not exactly sure why, but there’s a deeper meaning connected to who he used to be. He can't remember who Della is as a person but he remembers things about her and probably bits and pieces of the incident. This could be why Launchpad's been dating around so much; he doesn't realize it, but he's been trying to make his way back to Della. Most of his relationships may have not been very long lasting. From what we’ve been let in on so far, they seem to be at this weird status where they still have feelings but continue to stay apart. Perhaps every time he tried to develop a serious relationship, something came up and got in the way. One of those things could have been his subconscious telling him that this wasn’t who he used to be with. Constantly trying to figure this out could have been what eventually led him to working for Scrooge in Duckburg.

Something was definitely happening in Launchpad’s mind during the events of  "Last Crash" and "Shadow War". After Scrooge accidentally refers to Della, we aren't able to see Launchpad's immediate reaction; the camera is very quick to focus on Beakley, but when Scrooge asks LP to hand him another parachute, the pilot instead hesitates and gives a look of concern. 

When the investigation crate breaks open and Mrs. B takes the Spear's blueprints from Webby's pocket, Launchpad is left out of these shots; preventing us from seeing his reaction. But when the missing piece flies up to the front of the plane, we see that he's in a tense pose with his arms drawn close to his chest. 

Launchpad completely disappeared at the end of "Last Crash" when everyone was leaving the mansion and likely didn't check on Scrooge until three days later. As Mrs. B guilt trips the boys into reuniting with Scrooge, Launchpad blinks excessively, sadly looks off into the distance and has a couple of outbursts. 

When Della is mentioned by name, the focus is on Louie with Launchpad's clenched fist next to him.

He's having all these feelings about something he supposedly has nothing to do with and he doesn't understand why. Mrs. B could sense something was wrong with him based on how surprised she was over his hesitation and the "why are you overreacting?" look she gave him when he responded loudly to her sarcasm. I'm convinced that the show-runners wanted to catch our attention without having to reveal anything yet.

This post is getting really long, so I'm gonna break it off into another part talking more about the amnesia theory with a case we've already seen, what kinds of special abilities Launchpad may have and some reoccurring themes that may be leading back to "Whatever Happened to Della Duck?!"

...Are you up for more reading? Continue here.