#fearless and speak now are ingrained in my mind

[kvtnisseverdeen]

GET TO KNOW ME MEME: FAVORITE MUSICIANS

↳ TAYLOR SWIFT

“There’s a part of me that definitely is always going to be different. I needed to grow up in many ways. I needed to make boundaries, to figure out what was mine and what was the public’s. That old version of me that shares unfailingly and unblinkingly with a world that is probably not fit to be shared with? I think that’s gone. “

[littlequeen7]

I have barely any followers so I dont expect anybody to see this. But if there is any place to talk about my love for Taylor, it is here.

I've had a few people ask me why I love Taylor Swift so much. I understand why they ask, and why I might get weird looks, parasocial relationships and whatnot. But what they don't understand and what I have a hard time communicating is that Taylor is more than just music to me.

We grew up together. I'm five and a half years younger than her, so she completely shaped my adolescence. When Debut came out I was just starting the 6th grade, the grade when I learned some harsh lessons about bullying and friendships.

Fearless came out in the middle of 8th grade, the worst year of my life. That album was a comfort to me when everything else seemed hopeless. I had cut-outs from J-14 magazine plastered on my walls, of Taylor and the Jonas Brothers. I tried to convince my teacher that we should sing Fifteen at our 8th grade graduation (I lost that one).

Speak Now came out when I was 15, and I listened to that album until every word was ingrained in my brain. My older cousin bought us tickets to her Speak Now tour for my birthday, and she was my first ever big concert. We drew 13's on the back of our hands and screamed along with her while she sang Mean barefoot, while she hit giant bells during Haunted (my favorite song at the time), while she floated over the crowd on her balcony in her Love Story outfit right in front of us, close enough I thought if I reached out I could touch her. I don't remember which cover she sang, but she did it in her purple dress, with sharpie scrawled across her arms. I took so many blurry and grainy photos of her that day. Speak Now will always have a very special place in my heart.

Red came out when I was 17. I learned through one of her diary entries that she had actually written the song Red on the flight home from our concert. To think that I saw her not even 24 hours before she wrote one of the most iconic songs of her career was mind blowing. I was dating now, so all of the songs about relationships became relatable for the first time. I knew from the moment I heard it that All Too Well was the best song of her career, and I have some obnoxious Facebook posts to prove it. The Last Time became one of my favorite songs she had ever made. Flash forward 5 years and I was posting 22 on my Facebook the minute it hit midnight. (Yes, Facebook. I'm old and uncool, we've established that already.)

1989 came out the year after I graduated high school. I was on my own for the first time, completely unprepared and immature, with a toxic partner who I ended up staying with for 5 years. I still have distinct memories of riding the bus past the WWU campus on my way to work, blasting the album in my headphones. I was in my semi-popular Lana Del Rey Tumblr days then, and you best believe I was making gifsets of the Blank Space music video. These were also the years when I sank into my deepest depression. 1989 was a bright light in that darkness.

Reputation came out when I was actually 22, right after leaving the five year relationship, and leaving everything I owned behind me or in storage, while my ex took my two beloved cats. This was my revenge era, my short lived "hoe phase" if you will. I remember listening to it for the first time in the car with my mom while driving to Seattle. I remember listening to it in the kitchen with my then 11 year old sister, and her saying "well that's inappropriate" during one of the songs (probably Dress). I was a little too harsh when I said, "well she's a grown adult, shes writing for herself, not writing for kids." What a brat. I specifically remember one Tumblr post from a fan that went to the Secret Sessions, of her gasping and saying "Taylor!" in a scandalized way during one of the songs (my guess is, again, Dress) and Taylor replying something along the lines of "I know, right!" To this day, Reputation is the album I have the most fun listening to, and the one I blast the loudest in the car.

Lover came out when I was 24, living in a small room without a door in my Grandma's house that doubled as her office. This was the no privacy era and it did NOT slay. This was also the era that I was in love with someone I shouldn't have been (you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes). Every love song on that album was dedicated to him. False God became a new favorite. This was the time right before it all fell apart, when the entire world shut down and I hurt people and was hurt myself (again, stupid prizes).

Folklore came out in the midst of being completely isolated from the world, except being dropped off at work every day and trying to go to college online. The beginning of my severe and debilitating germaphobia. The constant fear that I would catch COVID from my irresponsible coworkers. Not to mention, my heart was ripped open because I was August, and she was Betty. This album, I think, is the one where I couldn't deny the similarities to my own situation. It felt like it was meant for me, in that moment. Seven was for the little me that died when I was young. This Is Me Trying was a letter to my loved ones, when I couldn't explain that my brain was actively trying to kill me. I've only listened to Hoax twice, because that one is the most painful. I was the epitome of "I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home."

Evermore, bless it's heart, came out of nowhere and was an amazing surprise. That being said (Ryan Bergara voice), Tolerate It, Happiness, Ivy, Long Story Short, Closure, Evermore and Right Where You Left Me were a twist in the knife of a trauma that wouldn't leave me, no matter how hard I tried. I was out on my own, truly alone, for the first time in my life. And I was terrified that, like Taylor said, this pain would be forevermore.

The re-records were amazing. I was so proud of Taylor for sticking up for herself and challenging the leeches that had gotten rich off of her talent. The moment she hinted at the 10 minute version on social media, I flipped my shit. Again, I have Facebook posts to prove it lol. I memorized the new verses in a day, I listened to it on repeat for weeks. I was staying at an airbnb the day Red TV came out, and I spent that night dancing around the kitchen with my headphones on.

And now... Midnights. I'm 27 now, and by this point I've lived a thousand different lifetimes. I listened to it in my dorm room alone, with my headphones on the second it was released. And then for good measure, I listened to it again the second the 3 AM version came out. I always need the second listen, to really soak up and understand an album. I made a bracket tournament thingie of all of the songs, and at first Vigilante Shit won, but after a couple more listens, Karma replaced it in the top spot. I listened to this album so much, on repeat constantly, that even though it was released in October, every single song made it to my Spotify Wrapped (not to mention the fact that I was in the top 2% of TS listeners). I was lucky enough to score tickets to the Era's tour, after much anxiety and freaking out from crashing websites and delayed sales. I screamed as soon as it was confirmed. Things have been rough, especially in the last month or so. One of the only things keeping me hopeful is the fact that in 4 months, I will get to see one of my favorite people in concert again.

That's not to mention the merch over the years. A Speak Now Tour shirt, notebooks and posters with Taylor's face on them, two signed CD's, a Red cardigan, a "fuck the patriarchy" keychain, The Scarf, and a few (not as many as I'd like) vinyls. I'm still pissed that my 1989 CD with the polaroids is lost somewhere in my storage unit.

At this point, if anyone is reading this, which I doubt they will, and especially if they have read this far (I'm sorry this post turned into a monster), they're probably thinking that I am a weirdly obsessed fan. Someone who thinks that someone they've never met in person is their BFF. I don't think I'm either of those things, but Taylor Swift has, and always will be a comfort to me. Especially as a neurodivergent person, having just ONE person who has been consistent for most of my life, someone who I can look up to and learn from, music I can listen to and immediately be comforted, is essential. At this point, now that I really think about it, Taylor Swift really is one of my special interests, and she has been long before I even knew that special interests were a thing (late diagnosed).

On top of all of this, she is just a genuinely good and kind person. You don't see that super often, in this cut throat industry. She is someone to look up to, even if Dear Reader says otherwise.

I've been writing this for about half an hour, and my phone is shaking from holding it above my head while I lay in bed and type. If literally anyone gets this far in the post, thanks for reading my weird diary entry I guess lol. Above all else, this is really a love letter to Taylor. Thank you for being there for me through it all.

[sofiawellman]

Bizz Photography is a household name in Mobile, Alabama. If you met Bizz, you would instantly know why. She has an upbeat personality, and when she speaks, you want to listen because this deep thinker is loaded with insights that she matter-of-factly presents. Bizz's confidence isn't arrogance. It was cultivated from genuinely working through doubt. She was forced to reset her whole life, including her faith. When she fell ill a few years ago, any concerns she had about her life and God, she had to reconcile. Facing death has a way of making us meet the truth.

As children, we deal with what we don't understand by filling in the blanks in the story, often making the outcome our fault. While that may not end in childhood, at least as adults, we gain the ability to reason to help us make sense of our world, especially what is abstract. Somehow, God still becomes exempt from our adult reasoning mind because it was so ingrained in us not to question the religion we were taught as children. 

When you believe you may die, time appears more finite. While Bizz was fighting for her life, the hospital tried to give her antidepressants. She knew the solution was not a quick fix to remove the emotional angst connected to man's divine judgment about her sexuality. Instead, she chose to go within since it was an inner pain she had to resolve. Her faith was tested as she, too, tested God. She was not convinced that the answers were in a book written by man. 

Bizz was also featured in episode 43. If you missed it, here is a chance to enjoy it now.

Go to Sofia Wellman YouTube channel to see the full episode, and subscribe to the media making a difference!

If you or someone you know has an inspiring story, contact me at filmsbysofiawellman@gmail.com. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Sofia Wellman, so you don't miss weekly episodes of Freedom to Love, a documentary film series. Each week, you will watch a new story featuring fearless people who choose to be authentic and love freely. 

[woogurl]

WOOSAN FANSERVICE

what is real and what is not real? now, a lot of people think woosan is fanservice because how obvious and in your face the are. while i do think they do give very obvious fanservice, i believe with my whole heart that their relationship is very genuine. 

now let’s discuss fanservice, while i do think every company advises their groups to give fanservice and it’s literally ingrained in their minds(kpop idols) on how to give fanservice. whether it’s sexy dancing, acting cute, or passing along a sheet of paper to a member with your mouth, san constantly exposing his sarms.. these are all clear indications of fanservice. i want to be clear, fanservice in my opinion is always obvious. company’s do not emotionally invest in shipping the way you think they do. because why would they invest on giving obvious hints that their idols are dating? especially in a place like korea? their careers would literally be over. it would literally affect everyone in the group, including them and it would not just ruin the group, but any career path they decide to go in in korea. 

so, i’m gonna show you guys the difference between fanservice and genuine reactions when it comes to woosan. 

let’s talk about fanservice.

let’s talk about this whole ass VCR that KQ put together for woosan, it’s clearly fanservice, but i thought it was interesting the way they filmed it. the way this was filmed was like, they’re each others others other half. which we know they often say this a lot. so my question is the company capitalizing on their relationship or are they supporting? could be both? now, i know it sounds crazy as the most important thing for every company is to make money. even though this does not exclude KQ, i’ve noticed that ateez has a lot more freedom than other kpop artist. they let them eat as much as they want, they spoil them with presents all the time which is proven with their vlogs. they give their idols freedom to speak on things, like hongjoong really says what he wants. especially when he wants to give atiny a reality check. lol. they also give them creative freedom, allowing hongjoong to speak on such a heated topic like race during his black and white cover is really something. but are they still a company whose best interest is to make money? yes. let’s talk about some other moments during the tour.

these moments were all during the tour, the woosan umbrellas, the hand holding the making hearts with each other and even the most obvious one of all which is the one where they had to promote the hats for the tour and KQ picked woosan to do it. ya’know, very cute, but also clearly fanservice. lol. though, there’s an interesting moment, which i don’t think is fanservice, and that moment was during the time woo hugged seonghwa and jongho was like san’s gonna get jealous, and san was like no no, even tho he looked so jelly(you can find a lot of these moments on the yt channel skzo planet, credit to them, they’re great.)  let’s continue. let’s talk about the asmr/lie detector video on yt. which i consider less obvious fanservice because people tend to think these moments are not planned. i know why am i taking the best moments awayyyyyyy. ;c

it’s clear that KQ understands that woosan is the most popular ship, because they have them go on these programs together which highlights their chemistry and interactions together. i think a lot of these moments here are fanservice but i also think they’re genuine. like their moment afterward where they have a deep conversation about their feelings. while i do think the company sets these up to capitalize off their relationship, i don’t think it’s to the point where they give them a script to read and say, “hey, memorize this script” no no. lmfao. if there’s one thing the company’s understand completely is that fans want real human beings. not robots. which is why vlive exist. it’s also one of the reasons kpop is preferred from western pop. they understand that fans love real people and genuine reactions between their fans. so you have to remember that. i think they just seized an opportunity to capitalize off their ship or support, who knows? they seem very grateful towards their company.

here’s the lie detector one, obviously, the company sets these up. which i think is ultimately a fanservicey move. but again, i don’t think the company gives them any script to read these are just their genuine feelings. in which san said woo is his other half and that he would literally give his kidney away for him. the company sets these circumstances up, but they do this to highlight their relationship. the company has them do many things together, but i honestly do not think they force them to pretend to act like bestfriends. i mean that’s just outrageous. lol. 

yup, i have to go there, yes, i’m going to take away everything you’ve ever loved away from you, because this is obvious fanservice. the stares, the sexy sexy dancing tHE STARES. listen, these people are well-trained professionals, never forget that. they know what fans want. while i do think this dance is probably the most common of fanservice for woosan stans i don’t think the reactions are fanservice. there’s just some moments where woo gets really shy and flustered. because i do think san makes him genuinely shy because this boy can be very tense and reek of pure devilish and demonic behavior. woo is someone who has a very commanding presence and demanding personality, and he seems fearless and shameless at times, but there are plenty of moments of san making woo completely flustered and nervous with a simple look. which i think is genuine since discomfort is very noticeable because it’s almost always an immediate reaction to something.

now let’s talk about genuine interactions (a lot of these were probably mentioned in my woosan relationship analysis).

let’s talk about their relationship in general, outside the cameras, that already ultimately prove that their relationship isn’t fanservice. now something that we learned a while back during the christmas vlive with the woosansang drama(i’ve done a post about this). is that woo and san hang out so much with each other that the other members are jealous. obviously, this has nothing to do with the company. they just genuinely hang around each other because they like each other. we know this to be true because the members explicitly say this and have mentioned before. i also did a post where woo mentioned san at least 5-7 times during a vlive with jongho. 

they literally spent the whole day together guys, like you just don’t spend that much time with somebody you don’t like. there’s a bunch of kpop groups with ships who don’t even hang out in real life. they’re literally hanging out with members you least expect them to be. lmfao. it just shows you that the reality is that most kpop ships are not real. because to me, it’s obvious that they aren’t that close irl and that’s the most important factor here. i wanna talk about some other important moments in the woosansang vlive.

there talking about real circumstances here, and yeosangs grievances with woo, ‘cause he feels sad that yeosang doesn’t hang around him anymore. this happened a few months ago. so don’t worry.

mingi said that this was a private conversation that he had with yeosang, so again these are private matters. just in case you don’t know company’s do not like discord in the group, which is why they freaked out during the recent vlive when mingi didn’t have yeosang’s number even though i don’t even have my siblings number. loool.

this is what yunho said when woo wanted him to go to the bathroom with him, and he was sulky ‘cause he only hung out with san. now let’s move onto how clingy they are. 

let’s start with san’s vlog, yes, i said san’s vlog(side eye’s woo). 

this vlog, that was supposed to be san’s, included moments with woo, more so than the other members. they even ate together, and they often do eat together from what i can tell. woo says he goes out to eat with san to relieve stress. he also called him during that time on vlive with yeosang to go out with him. which is why i thought the call was genuine, because they always seem to eat together. i mean the call wasn’t even on speaker and the fact that woo used aegyo with him is also telling to me. do you think the company sets them on dinner dates to please the fandom? lol. no there are other moments of them clinging and you can find them throughout my other posts. but i just wanted to stress that they’re not clingy for fanservice, they’re this way because they’re naturally close and intimate in real life. i have never seen a kpop ship share this type of intimacy.

here’s another moment, where they went out to eat together, mind you they were asking seonghwa if he was happy to join them as if they were an already married couple. i wanna add the moments here with seonghwa wanting to join woosan, and them being like “no” or “we’ll think” about it, but i’ll leave that for my woosanhwa analysis. 

let’s talk about the fact that they created their own ship name, and them being happy about it because i honestly don’t think that if they were not okay with it and the company was forcing it, they wouldn’t milk it for all it was worth.

let’s talk about the ship name and the thousands of other stuff the’ve come up with. could the company have come up with woosan, possibly, but you can’t convince they sat a round table discussing the thousands of handshakes they’ve come up with. you also can’t convince me that the company made woo go online to find a special meanings for a friend that stays with you forever(amicus ad aras). as i said before the company isn’t as invested as you all may think they are. the second one is literally them introducing themselves as woosan to some poor person recording them. like you can’t tell me that they aren’t proud to be woosan. now i know a lot of people get annoyed on twitter because some fans don’t know how not to mention woo without san when he’s doing a solo live (death stare at those fans). but the thing is it just goes to show that they’re comfortable enough with the ship that people can tell that it’s genuine. are there some moments where they’re uncomfortable sure? but is it the company’s fault. i don’t think so, i think it’s the fans(some shippers) that require them not to be their own person. esp woo. 

the stares, to me, the eyes never lie, and most people realize this, even people who’ve only had a gentle bump into the fandom notice the way the look at each other. even in the recent vlive, but you can tell woo tends to avoid san’s stare. even though woo wants to seem comfortable around san to not make it seem obvious, it’s very obvious that he makes an effort not to. i literally had an online friend that ships vkook ask if they were close during the recent vlive because woo never looked at san. xD lol. which is another strong point i want to make. while there are some moments of woo clinging to san on camera. most of the time he does it off camera. i don’t think the company asked to look like they were in love but here we are. one last thing is...

is their trip to jeju, in which seonghwa coicidentally went as well. now this is a family vacation where all the members went with their respective families. now, a lot of you may not know but during a fansign woosan planned a trip to jeju. seonghwa just happened to be there with his family as well. lol. i wanted to mention this because obv the company doesn’t really have any say in the matter. but also because i mean they’re on vacation together. like do you know how many groups are desperate to be on vacation away from each other? lmfao. like nah woosan planned to go on vacation together. while seonghwa talked a lot about it, woo did not and continued brushing it off which makes me wonder....

anyway, that’s it.

oh, here’s a bonus for you greedy ones.

i wanna mention a moment that i thought was interesting. which was a game they played on kbs a few moments ago. they were given a penalty to kiss each other. which is obv fanservice, but i do think reactions matter. as soon as it’s mentioned san’s eyes automatically go to woo? he doesn’t have much time to think about it, his body just reacts, why woo tho hmmm san? 

now, i wanna also mention the moment after, which a lot of people were confused by. like why is he touching himself like that so suddenly? lol. so what i think is happening is that san is “preening”. he’s experiencing nervous excitement and he’s stroking himself. when your attracted to someone your skin becomes sensitive. esp your lips and it feels good to touch. 

woo also whined and hit mingi out of jealousy. lmfao. 

anyway. that’s it.

[aphrodicted]

Hello, angels! I present you my first pick-a-card reading. My best friend bought The Oracle of Goddes and I thought the goddess wanted to talk to you and send you a message in this hard days we are living. This period is perfect to work with oneself and discover what deficiencies we must fill. This pick-a-card is aimed at knowing which Goddess wants to speak to you and what messages she wants to transmit to you. After this little introduction, look at the picture and decide which option do you want to choose:

Remember you can choose more than one option if you feel it. You don't have to just choose a single option, since several goddesses may have a message for you. Breathe in and out several times, focus and close your eyes to see which number or numbers are chosen. Or simply choose your favorite number and be amazed by the message. I hope the messages are adequate and can give you an answer to the answer you have been looking for. Good luck, angel!

Abundantia - Prosperity. “The Universe pours its abundance on you. Open yourself to receive it.”

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are very powerful and Abundantia is here to support your growing power. It is only fair that you receive this help, since this Goddes and you work as a team. Abundantia have heard your prayers, concerns and claims. She is pouring my prosperity on you now, so that you will receive unexpected benefits and gifts. Look at the new ideas, feelings and visions that arise in you. This guide gives you a clear indication of the actions you take in conjunction with my assistance. Together you are unstoppable!

Open yourself to receive what people or opportunities bring to you. The money, abundance, power or whatever you are waiting for will soon be obtained by you. Stop for a moment and stop worrying about everything unnecessarily. Worry will get you nowhere. Any new project you have in mind will go ahead, now is the time to dare. If you have chosen this card, money is something that may be marking your present. Don't worry, the money will come to you in many ways: overtime, support, ideas...

The Devil + Page of Pentacles + Six of Swords (reversed) + Three of Cups

Be careful not to know how to differentiate the false in the abundance that will come to your life! Abundantia wants you to have your eyes wide open and your senses set on all the good that you will receive in the coming months. The appearance of a person you don't know yet can turn your life upside down, honey. I am not going to reduce this relationship to just a romantic relationship, but any kind of relationship. A new person is about to enter your life in the most magical way possible, and you can believe this person is that person you always dreamed of meeting. Watch out, angel! This person is not to be trusted and can bring you a lot of pain if you blindly trust him or her. However, Abundantia confirms that this relationship will change your life and will make you see your life from another perspective. The appearance of this person, in the end, will be the key piece to allow the closing of a cycle with a great reward. The idea of ​​leaving a place, a cycle, a relationship... anything that stalls you is complicated, since you are very reluctant to change, but it would be essential to take that step and leave behind everything old. It is possible that for some of you, the person who appears in your reading shares some kind of karma with you that you must solve in this incarnation. This abundant reward does not have to be just money, but it can be people, projects, work... anything you have been wanting for a while.

The friends you make in the coming months will be key for you. Abundantia will bring a lot of happiness to your life thanks to friendship. Pay attention to your friends and seek to spend time with them in whatever way you can to strengthen your bond. Friends are the family that we choose, so they will be the ones who will help you through any bad moment that the appearance of a new person may bring to the end. Friends and some type of celebration will bring much happiness after a sad moment caused by someone (although it does not have to be someone in particular, but it is the most pointed out by my cards).

Sedna - Infinite supply. "It is provided for you today and for all your tomorrows."

This is a large universe, more than enough for everyone. Still, the energy format of this planet is polar; in this case, give and take. The key is to balance them. If you only give, you feel empty, resentful, and you will experience a sense of loss or lack. If you only receive, you will not enjoy what you have. Balance comes from fearless giving, as directed, and receiving with joy and gratitude. It is like breathing: both inhalation and exhalation are just as important. Practice giving and receiving daily and you will never lack for anything.

Stop worrying so much about the future. Human beings waste time worrying about the future and remembering the past, since they do not live the present with all the energy they should. You're in the present right now, so live it like it's the only thing you know. You will never lack what you really need, and Sedna wants to make it very clear with her appearance in your reading. The sea is closely related to this Goddess and, because of the troubled times we are living, it is impossible for some to move to coastal places. To connect with Sedna, enjoy a good bath or a good shower with your favorite shampoos and relax without forgetting to pamper your body. Take care of your body and mind as if they were a temple and start practicing giving and receiving with yourself.

Queen of Swords + Eight of Swords (reversed) + The Lovers

The cards see you trapped in a complicated situation that, fundamentally, has to do with your thoughts and your mind. Currently, you have many mental restraints that hinder your evolutionary path. It does not have to be a spiritual growth, but the simple fact of maturing or learning from the lessons that life presents to you. These mental restraints inhabit your mind, but they are so ingrained in you that, with the naked eye, you will not be able to identify them. Remember that we ourselves are the ones who create our reality, so you are the only one who can make your current life worse or better. Your mind, your thoughts and everything you project ends up manifesting in your life.

Mental restraints can always be solved with effort and a lot of personal work. In these difficult times, where we have to be secluded at home, it is a perfect time to work with ourselves and recognize ourselves to reconnect with us and heal. The past must be left behind and your past self must also be in the past. People evolve and we will never be the same as we were last year, as lived experiences change us for better or for worse. Change is not bad, but the intention with which we promote that change in ourselves. Nor should you become obsessed with the future, much less in these moments when we do not know what the future holds for us. Try to focus on the present, on the now, and don't fear for what you don't know, but focus on what you do know and you can improve.

It is time to make decisions. Although some people relate the card of The Lovers to romantic love, in this case it is not so. Sedna doesn't want to talk to you about romantic love, but about making a decision. This Goddess wants you to decide which path you want to take: stay stuck in those bonds or evolve into a new you. The change begins in you, of course, so your decision will be essential to make way for that new cycle or not. You may find yourself or, in the near future, find yourself at a crossroads. It doesn't matter about what, but you will have to make a decision: it is a crucial moment in which you must decide to stay in your comfort zone and perpetuate your stagnation or dare to change even without knowing what lies ahead. There is a lesson to learn, and Sedna will be in charge of helping you understand this lesson and implant what you have learned in your life.

Ostara - Fertility. "It is the perfect time for you to start new projects or new ideas."

Spring is any time when the light increases in your mind and your entire system. If you feel dull, heavy, or depressed, you can enlighten yourself by stimulating yourself with positive thoughts, nutritious food, and anything that ignites your feelings of love. Surround yourself with beautiful flowers, bring out the colors of your wardrobe and home, and pull back the curtains to let in natural light. You can create a brighter external appearance, which will favor all kinds of new opportunities, since your appearance will generate attraction. Feel more energetic and powerful as you spruce up your inner and outer worlds. So capitalize on that renewed vigor by starting a project that truly makes your heart sing with enthusiasm.

The Goddess Ostara announces that you are developing something. It doesn’t have to be a new life, but a project, a relationship, a dream or a change in your life. Something is being born within you and success is assured for that next birth. That desire that has crossed your mind, the first desire that crosses your mind, is that which is being born within you, and Ostara announces that it may be manifesting during the spring. It is time to make those changes that you didn’t dare in the past, since now you have the necessary strength to achieve it.

The Sun (reversed) + Nine of Pentacles + Six of Wands + Ten of Swords (reversed)

The moments of sadness, full of difficulties and those absent times of success are about to disappear. These moments may continue for a while, but Ostara announces that they will gradually disappear. Just as the flowers are born again after a cold winter, your joy will be reborn, but it will be slowly. You may be going through a bad time in general, since things do not go as you expected, but you should not worry and think that everything will go wrong. Ostara asks you to calm down and keep up with the time. Don't be afraid because the energy is still within you to get what you want, although it may cost you more than usual. Negative times are temporary, and even if you don't see the light yet, it doesn't mean that the light isn't with you.

Ostara asks you to observe everything you have with you. Now is the time to take a look at all the people who are with you, the resources you have at your disposal... Are you really missing something to be happy? If so, is it in your power to solve it? Normally, it is we who create our own obstacles. Right now you are not able to understand it, but that project that you are creating, that change that you long for or whatever else you are trying to manifest is emerging from within you. Therefore, Ostara asks you to take care of your state of mind and carefully and correctly "water" what is born within you so that it can manifest itself healthily in your reality.

Don’t be afraid and trust yourself, since I find you doubtful in everything you do. Success is with you and appears in your reading. You are proud of what you have and of everything you have achieved so far. Take a few minutes off and celebrate everything you have achieved with your effort. Remember that it is good to stop, rest and take a breath to continue.

It is time to get rid of old beliefs, thoughts, habits... anything related to the mind and logic that no longer serve you and are only stagnating you and preventing your evolution. I feel that this option is very directed to people who need a mental cleaning and a mental transformation. The mind is very present in this option, so reason and logic will be key to get Ostara's message applied. It is necessary that the change starts from within you, since only you will be able to promote it and make it effective.

Doncella Mariposa - Transformation. "You are experiencing tremendous changes right now, which brings great blessings."

As you go through this period of change, it is natural to wonder if your future is secure. I am here to assure you that you are part of the natural cycles of birth, death and rebirth. To introduce the desired news you must first get rid of old passages of your life. These changes must be celebrated, not feared. Give thanks for getting rid of the old! Embrace all the lessons it brought you and let it go! Be fascinated by the novelty of the gifts that are presented to you and let its magic surprise and delight you.

Don't worry about the end of the stages, since an end always brings a new beginning. If you have been waiting for any kind of change in your life, your wishes have been heard by this Goddess. However, you must abandon the old to achieve that renewal in your life. Fear of change will become an obstacle in the end, so put fear of change aside and understand that change is for the better.

Ten of Cups (reversed) + Nine of Cups + Knight of Cups + The Moon

Doncella Mariposa has a message centered on feelings. The Cups and The Moon, from my point of view, are cards closely related to feelings. After reading the message that Butterfly Maiden has left for you at the beginning of the reading, I understand that this Goddess wants to accompany you during the breakup of a love relationship. This option, without a doubt, talks about a love relationship or a love interest.

The cards don’t see you completely happy. There is some aspect of this love relationship (whether you are a couple or not) that is not bringing you all the happiness it should. The future next to this person is not positive, but looks unbalanced and empty of long-term happiness. It is possible that at first you feel full of happiness, but it is not a relationship that can last too long. This love is presented as a frustrated love that will not become what you fantasized at some point, so Doncella Mariposa wants to make you see this and also accompany you during the process of detaching from this person and the feelings you had for them. If your love interest is a man, Doncella Mariposa says that he may have feelings for you, but his insecurities are stronger and he will not approach you or be honest with his feelings. Therefore, it may not be the right time to try to start something formal with this person, as he is not prepared.

Finally, Doncella Mariposa wants you to know that the love situation you are experiencing is hiding something. One of the two is not being completely honest with the other: the words or the situation seems like something it is not. The end of this relationship is inevitable and, if it must end, it is something that cannot be changed because one of the two is not prepared to live that relationship or love. It is time to accept destiny and let yourself flow.

Diana - Concentrated intention. "Keep your unwavering thoughts, emotions and actions focused on your goal, and you will hit the target."

Tenacity means maintaining a decision and not allowing any external force to influence you. Imagine that you are a mighty oak, with your roots firmly planted in Mother Earth. Feel your solidity, strength and continuous growth. Be sure that no matter what happens, you will succeed. Your branches can twist and turn when you turn to the light, but your firm intentions will ensure that no faint wind will separate you from your mission. Take charge of your body, your program and your mind, and keep them focused on your goal!

Within the circumstances in which you find yourself in the present, Diana asks you to stay positive and avoid any negative person, thought, idea, thing or project. Doubts and uncertainty will not help you right now, but will only bring more chaos into your life, so try to get rid of these negative feelings as far as you can. Finally, know your priorities and act accordingly. Are your current priorities necessary to move forward? Should you give a new vision to your priorities?

The Wheel of Fortune + Nine of Swords (reversed) + Five of Wands (reversed) + The Hanged Man + King of Pentacles

Diana announces a radical change in you, angel. Diana wants you to become aware of your leadership power and the potential that exists in you to achieve a final victory over anything you are currently working on or, on the other hand, you will start working in the near future. To achieve this you must discover yourself. That power exists within you, so you must open yourself to name that power that is waiting to be used by you. It is time to renew yourself to accept new opportunities.

The change will not be easy, but it appears successful if you dare to take the step and accept the renewal in yourself. However, apart from finding this inner power, what other changes does Diana want to see in you? The insecurities and doubts must disappear: you must stop thinking about what could have been and was not. This can apply to you and other people who are no longer in your life. If a relationship ended badly and you ended up hurt, Diana asks you to stop thinking about what that relationship could be if everything had gone well. Things happen because they should happen, but if they don’t happen it is because they had no mission to exist and we forced them in some way.

The difficulties you have been experiencing, and will continue to experience in the future, are but trials for you. The obstacles have appeared because you still do not have sufficient domain to know everything that is happening around you. You may know how the Universe works, the signals or other elements related to these, but you are not able to interpret or put them into practice. Your surroundings, the people next to you, the things that happen in your life are messages from the Universe that, at the moment, you don't know how to interpret correctly. What you believe is not the answer to what happens, since you are not using your intuition, but your ego.

Finally, Diana has one last tip for you: Strive to stay true to yourself, and don't let any harmful opinions tell you how you should be.

[solsoldats]

     @heartales​​   𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕     :      ❛ I can’t bear to think about a future anymore, not without you. ❜                  REIGN SENTENCE PROMPTS     ——       accepting   !

Sorrow exists like an anchor in Tamar's chest. It lives in the places where fear should be,  but she purged that out of herself so long ago that sometimes it's hard to believe it was ever present.  To tell her beloved that she shouldn't worry would be to tell her a lie,  and Tamar swore to herself a long time ago that Nadia would only ever hear the truth from her mouth.  Even one spoken out of mercy would shatter that promise,  and she needs that —  needs Nadia more than she can put into words.

“ Don’t you understand that you’re my future? ”   Nadia has always been her future,  even before she realized it herself.  When she'd confessed the truths of the Little Palace to the woman who had come to steal the entirety of her heart,  Tamar had understood it would mean putting her in danger.  Nadia, who could make her heart beat like a hummingbird's wings just by smiling at her, would never survive being interrogated by the Darkling.  And,  if Tamar and Baghra failed,  she would be.  The Darkling would tear the screams from Nadia’s throat simply because Tamar dared to choose loving her over being loyal to him.

That knowledge is what replaces her fear,  the sorrow that nags at her to remember that her alliances come with a price she may not be able to pay if Baghra's command isn't enough. 

Botkin had once warned that her fearlessness would reflect in as a life of reckless choices.  Words spit out in the heat of training in a language she quickly found herself forgetting —  few Shu in the Little Palace meant less and less moments to speak the tongue that belonged to her father.  It was a lesson he sought to ingrain into the mind of a girl who he saw turning towards a path of war and destruction. 

Were it not for Nadia,  Tamar knows she would still be walking that path,  the Darkling's hand held tight to her leash.  She wants a future for them that isn’t tainted with the blood of every person who dared to stand against the man,  a hope of a world where they don’t have to live in fear that someday the Fold will expand and more carnage will ensue,  and she’ll keep fighting for it for as long as she can.  But Tamar won’t see Nadia’s future ripped away if something does go wrong in their plans.

With a heavy heart and gentle hands,  she cups her everything’s face in her hands.  She’s never cried in front of Nadia before,  but she feels the tears pricking her eyes now,  threatening to spill even as she forces her voice to be firm.     “ My heart lives on in yours, my love.  If I die... if anything happens to me,  you live.  You carry me with you. ”

[cruelsummersswift]

Hey Taylor! (and other readers) I turned 18 today which means I’m officially an adult, so I wanted to recap on how your music has been with me throughout my childhood.

The first real memory I have of listening to your music was when I was 6 years old. I was at a gathering with my friend and “Our Song” was on and I remember saying “I love this song!!” and dancing to it.

In second grade a new girl moved to my school and we instantly became friends. I had liked your music already, but she was the one who really kickstarted my addiction when she played the fearless platinum edition for me. It was that moment when you officially became my favorite singer, and you have been ever since. I moved and lost touch with that friend, but I still think about how essential she was in my life because without her I’m not sure I’d have ever become as obsessed with your music as I became and still am.

In third grade I moved and that was really hard for little 8 year old me. I went from a school where I was friends with everyone, to a school where I had trouble making friends, and where a lot of the girls were pretty mean to me. Songs like “You Belong With Me” and “Fifteen” always made me feel better with lyrics like “she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers” and especially “laughing at the other girls who think they’re so cool, we’ll be out of here as soon as we can.” It was such a great thing for me to have an idol who was also an underdog and didn’t fit in at school. I also became best friends with a girl named Abigail after I moved and I was so excited that we also related in that aspect. That was also around the time Speak Now came out. “The Story of Us” became a favorite of mine and still is to this day. We had a project that year where we each had a week where we had a spotlight and one of the things was who was “Who do you look up to most?” And while most people said their parents I said Taylor Swift (sorry mom and dad).

In fourth grade I got my first ever CD player. I would spend hours sitting next to my CD players listening to your albums and studying the lyric booklets until every lyric was permanently ingrained into my mind. I was so inspired by you that I started writing my own songs and decided I wanted to be a singer. (At the time I didn’t know I have a terrible voice).

In fifth grade we had a talent show and my two friends and I sang “Back to December.” Also that year Red came out. When “I Knew You Were Trouble” came out I was instantly obsessed. I remember listening to Red for the first time and when “Begin Again” ended I was like “well she told me to begin it again” so I listened to the album again. (Or like a thousand more times.) Red made that fall so magical.

In sixth grade I went to my first ever one of your concerts. My parents surprised me with the tickets and I was so excited. I got a cute new outfit for it, and it also happened to be picture day at school. I felt so cool to get to be checked out of school to get to go to Nashville for your concert. My mom and I had no idea that we were practically right behind the second stage until we got there and started talking to this girl there. When the concert started I started crying because I couldn’t believe I was seeing you in person. When you got to the second stage I did not hesitate to run up and get as close as possible. You were right in front of me and I was in awe. You got right up close and I almost even got a guitar pic from you. It was one of the best nights of my life.

In seventh grade 1989 came out. It instantly became my favorite album and still is to this day. I listened to it 24/7. I was even one of those annoying kids who played it out loud on the school bus (which got me made fun of uh oh but in retrospect is understandable but she was also just really mean lol).

In 8th and 9th grade I was going through my “I grew don’t like Taylor Swift anymore, I’m too cool for that” phase which is hilarious looking back because I did not grow out of your music and I for sure was NEVER cool.

In 10th grade reputation came out and GOD I will NEVER forget the feeling of listening to LWYMMD for the first time. reputation defined that fall for me and listening to it for the first time was one of the best experiences of my life.

In 11th grade my parents told me we were moving. I was devastated because I didn’t want to move away from my best friend who I lived next door to for years and the people I had been going to school with for 8 years. During that same time I had a friend group that constantly left me out and tried to make it feel like it was my fault whenever I would call them out and stand up for myself. It was a horrible feeling. Losing my friend group and moving at the same time. But songs like LWYMMD and “I Did Something Bad” always reminded me that leaving was right and that I didn’t need people like them in my life. But as sad as that all was, it reminded me of how my real best friend was always by my side. I also became friends with a girl who made me feel valid and didn’t leave me out of things, and acknowledged how hard moving must be for me. It was songs like “Call it What You Want” and “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” that reminded me that I didn’t need a lot of friends, but those two closest friends who had never been anything but true friends. The second semester I started at my new school, and it was hard and I sat alone a lot at lunch the first few weeks but I remembered that Taylor had talked about the empty lunch tables of her youth and it made me feel a lot better. “ME!” Gets a lot of hate, but it was just what I needed at the time. It was also so awesome because I love both Panic! And Taylor.

The beginning of senior year was pretty crazy. College courses, a play, college applications, senior capstone, etc., but the album Lover came out. Lover really became the soundtrack of my senior year. It made all the stress just a little bit more tolerable. I’ve always struggled a lot with self confidence, and that year I think I hit a high and low of both. When I got offered to be student director of the spring musical it hit a high. I listened to “ME!” And felt on top of the world. But of course, things don’t ever go smoothly. Corona virus struck, and I lost a large portion of my senior year, and any live performances of our musical (which we recorded and are live-streaming in August if you’d like to see it 👀). I hit a low point when quarantine first started, but I got through it and I’m stronger for it. Marathoning your music videos is definitely one of the best quarantine activities.

Which brings us to today. I’m 18. That’s pretty terrifying. The future is so uncertain with the virus still looming, but lately I’ve had this feeling that everything is going to be alright and that I’m going to be successful in life. So, Taylor, I doubt you’re reading this, but if you are, I just wanted to thank you for being such a huge part of my life so far, and I hope that one day I can thank you in person.

Love, Jenni

@taylorswift @taylornation

[anotherkpopvictim]

When Insecurities Get the Best of You (We’ll Be There) - Namjoon X BTS Littlespace Drabble

(Gif Source: jinseas)

“anonymous asked: Hiii my favorite trope is joonie being insecure but ot6 comforting him and loving him hbnskskh i feel like i haven't read one of these in a while it'd be great if u wrote smth like that 👉🏼👈🏼”

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this! I really liked the idea, and my last little!joon X caregiver!bts fic I wrote for Namjoon’s birthday was really well-liked so obviously others want to see this relationship again :)

So here it is! Enjoy!

Relationship: Little!Namjoon X Caregiver!BTS

Rating: G

Words: 4146

Hurt/comfort, fluff

PLEASE NOTE:  This fic is a collection of short moments over the years when Namjoon felt insecure about himself and the others were there for him. Some moments were based on actual events that happened in real life, while others were completely made up. If it really happened, I will link the moment I based it on.

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As the leader of Bangtan, Namjoon was no stranger to being the unfortunate target of the brunt of embarrassment. He had taken a “class” of sorts back in the day, where he was taught exactly what it meant to be a leader. One of the main points that Namjoon spent a lot of time working on, was that a leader needed to be able to take charge when any public conflicts or awkwardness overwhelms the atmosphere of any concert, interview, or award speech. BTS had gone through their fair share of public humiliation, and it was Namjoon’s job to keep things stable and calm during those times.

Fortunately, Namjoon was really, really good at this. He’d been the one to keep Yoongi from punching that asshole B-Free in the face during that one interview near the beginning of their career that none of them would ever forget. He was the one that could seamlessly take over when any of the members got choked up at a particularly invasive question.

Namjoon was also extremely good at hiding the complicated slow burn that was the members’ romantic relationship.

It started out way back in the day with himself and Yoongi, who were both wound up from the frustrations of trainee life and frankly just horny teenagers. What began as helping each other get off every now and then developed into something more romantic as Hoseok, Jungkook and Seokjin were added to the group line up.

Then Namjoon and Yoongi became Namjoon and Yoongi and Seokjin and then as debut finally rolled around, Hoseok joined in as well. Hyung line’s relationship was confusing for a few years as they figured out the dynamics within it.

BTS’ debut also brought about the start of maknae line’s romantic relationship. The three youngest had been close since the day they’d met, but it remained platonic until the night of their debut stage, where the high of emotions made them braver and they shared tender kisses and cuddles between themselves.

Then the two separate relationships (hyung line and maknae line) began to blend together until it was one unit.

Throughout all of the developments of their relationship and even after, Namjoon constantly had to keep an eye on everyone when cameras were rolling. It was Taehyung and Jungkook that had the most difficult time holding back the lingering touches and stares and it hurt the leader that he needed to separate them so much, but it was necessary.

So, yes, Namjoon was an amazing leader, and though it wasn’t easy, he was able to put his own emotions on the back burner for his group - at least, most of the time.

Because he was human and he was far from perfect, he too had those moments where things were too overwhelming for him as well. The company could forget that sometimes, but never his members. His members were always there for him.

-------------------------------------

2013 (based on this moment at 1:05)

The first time Namjoon really felt incapable of handling a situation was shortly after their debut. Coincidentally, this was also the first time Namjoon ever fell into littlespace.

BTS was lucky enough to be able to perform not only the title track of their second album but also the special concept trailer performance that fans loved so much.

It started out great, the hype of the screaming crowd giving them all the confidence in their performing. It got to the point in the choreography where the back-up dancers helped pull off their outer shirts, leaving them all in white sleeveless shirts. They’d all rehearsed it a million times, but that, unfortunately, didn’t mean that it was seamless every time.

It took a moment for Namjoon to realize that both of his shirts had accidentally been ripped completely from his body, leaving his torso on display for all the people in the audience and millions through the television to see.

A numbing panic like no other went over Namjoon like a wave, his face draining of all blood beneath the bit of BB cream he had on. Then, like flicking a switch, his professional side that had been ingrained into his brain took over.

He finished off the performance while holding his shirt feebly against his exposed chest. Namjoon didn’t dare to look into the audiences’ eyes as he bowed and hurried from the stage.

The next few moments were a blur, but suddenly Namjoon found himself in their dressing room bathroom, leaning back against the closed and locked door. His breathing was coming harshly and his heartbeat was pounding in his ears so much that he could barely hear the knocking on the door behind him.

“Joonie,” came Seokjin’s comforting voice from the other side, soft and soothing. “Joonie, open the door for me, love.”

But Namjoon couldn’t. How could he open the door and reveal his weak state to the rest of his band members when he was supposed to be their fearless leader?

“Yoongi’s taken the maknaes and left for home early, so it’s just us now,” Hoseok said, making the leader aware of his presence outside the door as well. “Please, Namjoon-ah, let us in.”

With sudden desperation for comfort that he couldn’t explain, Namjoon got up and unlocked the door shakily. Jin and Hoseok came in and immediately pulled him into a tight embrace.

Namjoon felt overwhelmed with emotions - embarrassment and panic and shame being the most prominent. “H-Hyungs-” he choked out.

“Let it go, baby,” Jin encouraged, kissing the side of his head, “I know you want to cry and it’s not good to keep that all bottled up inside.”

“We’re right here, okay?” Hoseok added.

The confirmation of their support was enough for Namjoon to listen. He let the tears that he had been keeping at bay slip from his eyes and make trails down his cheeks. He heaved out a sob that was followed by another and another.

His two hyungs were there for him through his whole breakdown, holding him in their arms and whispering words of comfort into his ears.

“T-They all saw me,” Namjoon choked out, “They all saw my body. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.”

“We know, love,” Hoseok replied, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down the leader’s arm. “It was an accident and we know it hurt you, baby.”

“J-Joonie embarrassed! Joonie don’t want fans to see his ugly tummy.”

The sudden change in the leader’s tone and his switch to speaking in third person gave his two hyungs pause for a moment and they shared a look of confusion between the two of them. Namjoon had never acted so...childish before.

Both of their minds were running a mile a minute, trying to register and adapt to this new situation.

“Namjoon-ah,” the eldest began slowly, pulling away from the other enough that he could look him in the eye, “You don’t have an ugly tummy, love. Your tummy is super cute.”

The younger glanced up timidly and looked at them with glossy eyes. “R-Really?”

Jin and Hoseok shared another look before the older returned his attention to Namjoon. Seokjin smiled gently, “Of course, Joon-ah.”

The leader slowly sat up a bit, “E-Even if Joonie doesn’t have abs?”

“Even if you don’t have abs,” Hoseok confirmed, his expression soft and fond. “Even if your skin was purple, even if you had an extra nose.”

That elicited a soft giggle out of the leader, quiet but there.

Hoseok and Seokjin felt unimaginable relief. It was hard to see their leader, their friend, their boyfriend, hurting so much.

Namjoon tossed his arms around both of their shoulders, “T-Thank you, hyungies.”

“Of course, baby.” Jin and Hoseok replied simultaneously before smiling at each other.

“Jinnie-hyungie?” Namjoon began rubbing at his drooping eyes with a fist, his lower lip pouting out cutely. “Tired.”

“Go ahead and sleep, love,” Seokjin said, adjusting Namjoon so the younger could rest his head on his shoulder. “We’ll carry you home, okay?”

“M’kay.”

Just as Hoseok finished closing all of their bags and slinging them over his shoulder, Jin appeared back in the dressing room from the bathroom with Namjoon curled around him like a koala. He looked much better than an hour ago as the oldest had gently cleaned the tears from his cheeks.

The two shared another smile and began making their way to the car waiting for them outside.

The car ride itself was uneventful other than the fond glances their manager gave them in the rearview mirror. Namjoon had shifted into Hoseok’s lap in the backseat and was attempting to curl up in a ball.

Once they’d returned to the dorm and Namjoon was tucked comfortably under the covers of his bunk bed, Hoseok and Jin snuck out from their shared bedroom and sat down together in the living room.

“So...” Hoseok began quietly, “Namjoon’s a little.”

“Namjoon’s a little,” Jin confirmed, “Can’t say I saw that one coming.”

Hoseok hummed in agreement, “This must have been the first time it happened because we both know Namjoon wouldn’t be able to keep something like this from us.”

I think so too,” Jin said, biting his lip in thought. “Should we tell the others?”

“We need to talk to Namjoon once he’s out of his headspace, I think it should be his choice.”

“Alright, but Hoseok?” the lead dancer locked eyes with his hyung’s fierce ones, “No matter what happens, we need to show Namjoon how much we love him, whether he’s in littlespace or not.”

Hoseok nodded firmly, “Always.”

----------------------------

2015

The leader of Bangtan had broken countless things over the years, whether it be objects or bones, having inherited his clumsiness from his mother. Meaningless things somehow breaking into pieces once his hands touched it, they were easier to get over, but sometimes Namjoon would cause damage to something important and he would have the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment take over him.

One such time was when Namjoon was with Yoongi in his studio, working hard on some songs that they hoped would be approved by their boss for the next album. Yoongi excused himself to go to the bathroom after having been staring at the computer screen for a good five hours.

Namjoon himself was fighting sleep, his eyes closing of their own accord and his head falling forward. He had a cup of hot coffee clutched in his hands (his fourth or fifth that night) that wasn’t really doing all that much to keep him awake anymore.

As he nodded off once more, his grip on the coffee unintentionally loosened. He felt the paper cup slip from his hands and his eyes shot open just in time to see it hit the top of the desk. The lid popped off and steaming coffee went flying everywhere, most notably all over a bunch of cords just to the side of Yoongi’s computer.

He heard a couple sizzling and popping sounds and then Namjoon watched in horror as Yoongi’s computer screen went black.

“No,” he whispered, suddenly much more awake than he was just a minute before. “No, no, no!” his voice got louder as his panic grew.

“Joon-ah?”

Namjoon’s head snapped towards the studio door, where Yoongi was standing, looking on with shock at the scene before him.

“I-I...I didn’t mean...”

Yoongi saw his friend’s slip into littlespace moments before it happened. He was at Namjoon’s side and pulling him into a comforting hug in a flash.

“It’s okay, Joonie,” he insisted, his voice soft. “It was an accident, baby. It’s okay.”

“B-But it’s gone! All hyungie’s hard work. Joonie so sorry.”

“I know you are, sweetheart,” Yoongi pulled back so he could look the younger in the eyes. “Accidents happen sometimes. Luckily, I backed up all my work last night, so I probably only lost what we worked on today.”

That didn’t really make Namjoon feel any better. In fact, it only made the guilt in his heart even heavier. The little’s eyes widened, “B-But hyungie has been working for long time! L-Like eight hours! Joonie made hyungie lose so much!” Namjoon’s shoulders sagged and he pouted down at the ground. “Joonie stupid. Joonie clumsy.”

“Hey now,” Yoongi tapped under Namjoon’s chin to get him to look at him again, “Don’t be calling yourself mean things. You’re not stupid, baby. A little clumsy maybe, but your clumsiness is cute.”

The younger perked up a bit, “Joonie cute?”

The cold-faced rapper let out a fond laugh, his eyes squinting shut for a moment as a gummy smile appeared on his face. “Yes, baby,” he replied through chuckles, “You’re the absolute cutest little one I’ve ever seen, yeah?” he leaned in a bit, “But don’t tell Jiminie that, okay? He’ll get jealous.”

The little still had tears in his eyes, but they had stopped falling. Namjoon let out a giggle, his adorable dimples that Yoongi loved so much showing themselves.

So, of course, no one could blame Yoongi when he poked at one of those dimples, which somehow led to a tickle fight on the couch, followed by a much-needed nap.

----------------------------------

2016

Namjoon was overall pretty confident in himself - not in a cocky way, but a self-assured way. He knew he had a true talent for rapping and producing, not to mention his natural capability to mediate any bad situation. Even his dancing, though nowhere near Hoseok, Jimin or Jungkook’s ability, never seemed too bad.

The one thing about being an idol that really made Namjoon insecure was his singing voice. Hoseok and Yoongi also didn’t have the greatest singing voices in the group, but they had accepted that fact long ago, while Namjoon just couldn’t seem to bring himself to.

So to say that he was anxious about singing a verse on an actual album song would be an understatement. Bang PD had asked him to, and perhaps it should have been assuring for Namjoon to know that the big boss felt he was good enough to sing, he couldn’t get past his apprehensiveness.

Jimin and Taehyung accompanied him to the recording studio to meet their boss and a few other producers to begin recording. Both of them could easily tell that their hyung was nervous, though he tried his best to hide it from them.

Bang PD greeted the three of them brightly when they knocked on the recording studio’s door. “Right on time, boys. That’s what I like to see.”

“Of course, hyung-nim,” Namjoon replied, hoping that the smile on his face made up for the slight shakiness of his voice. “We’ll always do our best to be on time.”

The boss gave him a pat on the shoulder and then got right to business.

Taehyung and Jimin went in to record first, each able get their parts right without too much trouble. Namjoon tried not to be envious of the ease with which they sang, tried not to let the harsh insecurities swirling around in his head drown him.

“Namjoon-ah,” Bang PD said, gaining the leader’s attention immediately. “It’s your turn. You only have half a verse so it shouldn’t take too long. I know you’ll do well.”

The leader had to gulp against the lump growing in his throat. “Yes, sir.”

Namjoon entered the recording room and moved to stand in front of the microphone. It was funny, he had stood before this microphone countless times in the past, and yet, Namjoon had never been so terrified to approach it.

“Alright,” Bang PD’s voice came through the speaker, “Let’s start with just the first line.”

Namjoon nodded, feeling the familiar dampness of sweat beginning to form on his trembling hands. When the music started in his ears, he leaned forward and sang into the microphone.

He sounded terrible.

Even to his own ears, he was flat and sounded like an amateur.

He winced and bit his lip, eyes shutting in shame. “Sorry,” he blurted out before one of the producers could say anything. “Let me try that again.”

The second time was better, but not by much.

The producers were endlessly patient with him as they gave him direction and tips in an attempt to get the right sound out of him. It wasn’t working, that much was obviously clear after an hour with little progress.

Namjoon was fighting the panic rising up within him, his damp hands now clenched tightly into fists. He knew that it was his nerves getting to him, that he could sing the line just fine. He’d practiced enough to be sure of that, but of course, the one time it really mattered, he just couldn’t get it done.

“Are you okay, Namjoon?” Bang PD asked, genuine concern coloring his tone.

Namjoon found himself unable to answer, his tongue feeling like lead in his mouth.

He heard the door to the room opening and footsteps heading towards him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.

First, he felt the touch of a hand on his arm and moved his gaze down to see Jimin’s small hand holding onto him. Then he looked up to meet Jimin’s gentle eyes and felt like he could get lost in them.

“Bang PD-nim said to take a fifteen-minute break,” Taehyung’s voice came from Namjoon’s other side, “They left to go get some lunch.”

The leader, even through his panicked haze, could understand the underlying meaning in the second youngest’s words. They were alone. Namjoon could break down if he wanted to.

“W-Why can’t I do it?!” he began, the words starting to pour out of him before he could stop them. “I was okay during practice. Why can’t I do it now?!”

“Hyung,” Jimin replied softly, “I think you’re just too nervous. It’s making your throat too tight and affecting your vocal cords.”

“I know,” Namjoon moaned, “I can’t help it.”

“Why are you so anxious, hyung?” Taehyung asked.

“Joonie isn’t a good singer! Joonie sounds bad!” Namjoon exclaimed, his tone getting higher in pitch as he fell into his headspace. The other two couldn’t say they hadn’t expected it. “ARMY will hate Joonie!”

“Agioo, that’s not true,” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows as his arms naturally wrapped themselves around his hyung’s shoulders. “I think your voice is very nice, love.”

“Me too,” Taehyung added, bopping the little’s nose, “Just because you might not be able to hit high notes or do a bunch of runs doesn’t mean that you’re a bad singer. And you’re really good at being on key, unlike some of the people that like to go to karaoke.”

Both Jimin and Namjoon huffed out a little laugh at that. It had become clear to everyone in the group that the easiest way to calm Namjoon down from his panic attacks was to tell the truth and add a bit of humor to keep the atmosphere light. They also made sure to never just sugar-coat their words.

Taehyung didn’t tell him that he was the best singer ever because that wasn’t the truth, but Namjoon certainly wasn’t a bad singer by any means either.

“You have to remember, Joonie,” Jimin said, “Bang PD-nim and the other producers think that you’re good enough to sing on an album song. Trust them on that, okay?”

Namjoon could feel himself calming down slowly but surely. He was still pretty far in littlespace, but his head felt clearer now. “Okay,” he nodded, taking their words to heart. “Joonie’s sorry he got scared.”

Taehyung waved it off, “Eh, we all get scared every now and then.”

Jimin and Taehyung spent the next ten minutes bringing Namjoon out of his headspace so he could record his lines when the producers returned. This meant they had to fight the urge to cuddle their hyung, which was difficult considering they were probably the two most cuddly members of their group.

When Namjoon went to try his lines once more, he kept his eyes on his two dongsaengs through the little window and sang to them. He was encouraged by the proud smiles on their faces and it helped him to relax enough to sing.

Bang PD was happy with the results and praised Namjoon once they finished an hour later, leaving the two ninety-five liner’s to finally take their hyung back to the dorm to cuddle.

--------------------------------

2018 (based on this moment at 2:19)

When it happened, Namjoon couldn’t help but be brought back to that moment just after debut where something so similar had happened to him.

It was during a live performance of Fake Love that Namjoon’s innate knack for breaking everything he touches showed itself once more.

Yoongi started his verse and the six behind him began their chain dance. When Namjoon reached over to Jungkook and put his hand on his chest as the choreography went, he gripped the material too hard and was unable to release his hold before he jerked away in the next dance move.

Just like it had when it happened to Namjoon five years earlier, the leader watched in almost slow motion as the top three buttons of Jungkook’s shirt ripped off completely. The maknae’s chest was left exposed.

Namjoon saw Jungkook’s eyes widen in panic momentarily as he registered what had happened before the maknae regained his professional composure.

The rest of the performance was a blur to the leader, who couldn’t stop the insistent replaying of the panic he’d seen in Jungkook’s eyes. It had been the exact look that he’d had in his own eyes all those years ago.

Before he knew it, they were back at their dorm and someone was calling out his name.

Namjoon blinked and forced himself back into reality. He was in his bedroom now, sitting on the edge of his bed. Jungkook was sat beside him, eyeing him with a worried furrow in his brow.

“Hyung, are you okay?” he asked.

Namjoon took in a deep breath, trying (and failing) to will his anxiety away. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.” he blurted before he could stop himself. “I’m so sorry about ripping your shirt earlier, it was an accident.”

“Oh, that’s alright, hyung,” Jungkook replied, his eyes softening. “I know you didn’t mean to do that.”

“B-But...” Namjoon stuttered, his voice quivering along with his lower lip. “But...”

Jungkook saw his leader’s slip into littlespace before it happened, so he pulled the older into his lap and wrapped his arms around him comfortingly. “I won’t lie, it made me nervous for a moment -” Namjoon whined and hugged Jungkook close to him, burying his face in the maknae’s neck, “- but it’s okay. Accidents happen, yeah love? Don’t worry about it anymore, I’m okay.”

“P-Promise?”

Jungkook guided the little’s head away from his neck and then held up his hand, his pinkie finger pointed out. “Pinkie promise.”

Namjoon linked their pinkies together and felt a wave of relief go over him. “Sorry Joonie so clumsy.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jungkook shook his head, “We all love clumsy Joonie, okay?And we’ll tell you that as many times as it takes for you to believe it.”

“Okay.”

“Now,” the maknae said, “How about the two of us go gather everyone up and we can have a sleepover tonight?”

Namjoon’s eyes lit up in excitement and he hurried to scramble off Jungkook’s lap, nearly falling into the corner of the bedside table in his haste.

The maknae caught him before it could happen, thankfully, and shook his head fondly. “Careful, love.”

Namjoon probably didn’t hear it, however, as he was already halfway out the door and screaming to the rest of the house their new plans for the night.

...

“Why do we always do this? It’s such a bad idea.”

“Stop being a party pooper, Yoongi-hyung. You know you love the cuddle pile.”

“But we don’t even all fit properly on here.”

“Shh!”

The bickering between Yoongi and Hoseok was brought to an abrupt halt when four of the other members squished together in bed with them quieted them harshly.

“Enough you two,” Jin said, his voice low, “Namjoonie’s sleeping and we don’t want to wake him up.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to take pictures,” Jimin added, body positioned awkwardly so he could get his phone to properly face the little curled up in the middle of them.

Namjoon was dressed in his blue dinosaur onesie and had a rainbow tie-dye pacifier between his lips. He looked so content pressed between his members, the hand not under his head clutching at Jungkook’s t-shirt as he mumbled a little in his sleep.

“Send those to me,” Taehyung croaked, half-asleep on the other side of Jungkook as he glanced over at Jimin snapping a few too many pictures.

“Me too!”

“Me three!”

“Me four!”

“...”

Jimin rolled his eyes and turned to the one member who hadn’t said anything yet. “Yoongi-hyung, you don’t want the pictures?”

The eldest rapper grumbled under his breath.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said they’d better be of the highest quality!”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A/N: So this one was focused more on when littlespace comes into play for Namjoon when he’s insecure, of course, so there weren’t many littlespace activities like I usually have. I hope that this was okay still, let me know!

[graceofaphoenix]

WELCOME HOME w/@DarksDestiny

Bennu:

If it weren’t for the text I’d received straight from Destiny’s phone, I would never have believed that she was back in Caldwell. When she left, she had sworn she would never return, so I was incredibly curious as to what finally changed her mind. I had always envied her for her travels. I wasn’t brave enough to go outside of the area. I had left the house of the Chosen and moved into the city. That was as far as I had ever gotten. I never even took a holiday somewhere, even though Destiny had asked me to come visit numerous times. I just didn’t dare leave the protection of the Brotherhood. It always baffled me that Destiny was so fearless about being out in the world. I think it may have to do with the fact that I am older than her. I have lived under the protection of the Brotherhood for longer and it is more ingrained in me.

Anyway, I was looking forward to some dinner from Sal’s! It had been a while since I had eaten there. I used to eat there all the time, when I worked there. I don’t know why I didn’t go by more. I think my life had just seemed to take on a life of its own, recently and I hadn’t made time for those luxuries. That was something I needed to remind myself to do. Stop and smell the roses, as the humans liked to say. Even though I had a set schedule at SafePlace, I was always there way more than I was scheduled. That was all good, though. I enjoyed doing all I could for those women and children. They deserved it.

The table was just about set when I heard the phone ring. I knew it was Destiny, because the security door out front was the only thing that phone was good for, anymore. I had long stopped giving it out and only used my cell as a means of communication, now. I crossed the kitchen and picked it up. “Hello?” I wasn’t an idiot. I didn’t want to just buzz up anyone. I had to know it was her, first. The Brothers had taught me well.

Destiny:

As she answered the line I had to hold back my excitement. “I’m here and I have a ton of food.” She let me in and I made my way to her apartment.  As soon as she opened the door it was a flash back to times long past.   “Bennu, you are just as beautiful as you were the last time we saw each other.  You look exactly the same.  Well, minus the robes.”

She let me in and we walked into her kitchen. As soon as the bags were out of my hands, she grabbed me for a hug.  “It’s good to see you too, sister.   I’m so glad you still wanted to see me.  I know my leaving didn’t go well with all and you are the only one who I’ve kept in touch with.  I hope you are hungry.  I order six different pastas cause I couldn’t decide.”

Bennu:

Destiny looked amazing! The independence that she had found certainly agreed with her. She looked way more confident than most of the Chosen, and it was almost as if she stood taller. I gave her a huge hug, before pulling away and helping her with the food. “Of course I would want to see you!” I admitted. “It may be years since I last saw you, but you will forever be my bestie! And I have to say,” standing back, “You look incredible, including that extra twinkle to your eye…” I cocked my head with a grin. “You going to tell me about it?” She could deny it all she wanted, but something was definitely up with my dear friend. Sure, it had been years since I’d seen her, but things didn’t change that much. Tells were tells, and she had a huge one when it came to her happiness.

I began to bring the food to the table. She had bought enough for a full-on feast. I was good with that, though. When it came to Sal’s and Italian fare, I could hold my own. As I brought out each one, I finally found the one I was looking for. I would sample them all, but their gnocci covered in a tomato cream sauce was to die for! That would be my main.

Putting the last of the serving utensils on the table, I took a seat, put my napkin in my lap and waited for Destiny to start in. I had so many questions for her, but the most obvious one, how she wound back up in Caldwell, would have to wait. I needed to hear about that sparkle, first.

Destiny:

Unsure of what the twinkle she referred to was, I took a moment to think what she could be referring to.   “Well, I do love my new job.  But I’m still trying to find a place to stay besides the hotel so it isn’t my home.” I opened the container full of chicken carbonara and for some strange reason had a flash back to the night of my interview and who I saw that night. She couldn’t possibly have known how I longed to see him again.  “There really isn’t much going on outside of working but I am happy to be back here. I’m hoping I can reconnect with some of my past connections. And speaking of the past, do you still see any of the other Chosen or..” I hesitate for a moment “or.. any of the Brotherhood?” I could feel my cheeks flushing a bit and hoped she didn’t notice.  

Bennu:

Staring out over the variety of food that Destiny had brought, I decided to start off with some of Sal’s famous garlic bread, while I dished out some antipasto onto my plate. I listened intently to Destiny explain how happy she was to be back home and to reconnect and I had a brilliant idea, but the second I saw the tint of her skin go from that dark, dusty, rose of the blush she usually used to a deep, radiant red that reached her ears and her neck, I knew exactly what the twinkle in her eye was.

I placed my fork onto the edge of my plate. “You’re hoping to see him, aren’t you? Is that why you came all the way back here? You know, you’d have to go to the manse. He doesn’t really get out.” I think I had been the only one that Destiny had ever confided in about her feelings for the King. Which was probably for the best. At the time, he was grieving his Queen and people would have just given her a hard time about it all. Phury would have had a heart attack! I wasn’t actually quite sure why I was encouraging it now. From Wrath’s perspective, it may as well have been yesterday that Beth went unto the Fade, but things just seemed different, now. Maybe, it was a difference that I saw in Destiny. Maybe it was the fact that everyone felt that Wrath could stand to move on from his grief. Then again, maybe I was just sticking my nose into things that were absolutely none of my business. But, Destiny was my best friend and if there was something I could do to help her be happy, I would do it.

I picked up my fork and popped a mushroom into my mouth. As soon as I swallowed, I began to acknowledge her questions. “So, in answer to your questions, yes and yes. I still see pretty much everyone. I still offer up my blood services to the Brotherhood one night a week, and aside from that, I have kept in touch with virtually everyone. I try to get to the camp at least a couple times a month. You should see it now. It’s huge! They’ve added so much to it.” I began to dig into the salad. “So, why did you come back, sister mine?”

Destiny:

I picked up a forkful of past and let it fall back to the dish.  “No, I didn’t come back because of him.” I pick up the pasta again and take a small bite thinking hard about my answer.  Could he have been part of it? “I came back because of the dangers of being on my own. The  protection of being within the Brotherhood’s close proximity.  It’s a scary world out there and I just had an undeniable pull to return.”

I picked up a piece of garlic bread and broke off a piece. “However, I saw him. It was at the interview for the job and he was having dinner with a couple of the others.” I drop the bread and lean closer to her whispering as if I didn’t want anyone else to hear even though there was no one to hear. “I swear I jumped back in time and every one of the … feelings came rushing back. I wanted to drop to my knees and offer him my vein just like before.  I dream of him every time I close my eyes.  I know it is wrong to desire a male who doesn’t even know I exist and one I should never desire.  But, Bennu, I cannot help it.”  

I sit back and take a deep breath.  “And of course I will never admit this to anyone but you and, of course, would never act on it.  You have always been my best friend and I know you what we share stays between us.  Ok, now that I have admitted it, I can put it behind me.”  I smile as I push the pasta around on my plate.  “Besides, he will never love another female.  So, why bother getting my hopes up. Right?”

Bennu:

Even though she denied that Wrath was the reason for her return, and the rest of her reasoning was sound, I could hear the doubt in her voice when she denied it. “You didn’t come across any danger, did you?” The thought of Destiny out there, in the world, and in danger was terrifying for me. Although I was close to many of my other sisters, Destiny was like my soul sister. I don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to her.

Digging into the gnocci, I listened to her story about running into Wrath at her interview. “I’m surprised you got through the interview!” I teased. “It’s not wrong to have feelings, Des. And, you never know… you may be just the female to turn that din of an existence Wrath calls a life around.” I knew she was trying not to get her hopes up, and I wasn’t trying to put her in a position to get her heart broken. But, who said she couldn’t have what she wanted?

So as not to put too much pressure on her, I changed the subject a little. “So, speaking of males and feelings, I ran into Shade last time I was at the manse to offer up my vein. I usually go on Fridays, because he’s not on rotation on Fridays. But apparently, he was covering for one of the other males.”

Shade was a male I had become involved with in years ago, and eventually the reason I left the manse. I had believed he was my one true mate. Unfortunately, his feelings were not as strong and he never had that imprint on me that other males get when they meet their mate. We had kept our relationship a secret because we were afraid of what Phury would do. As it turned out, his intense feelings stemmed from that all the mystery, and once we were found out and Phury allowed our relationship to continue, Shade began to lose interest. I was left heartbroken and embarrassed and decided that it was time for me to find a life outside of the manse for myself. So, that was the reason I left. I still see him, once in a while, and every time I do it’s awkward as hell. He has tried to apologize many times. But, hearing him say over and over again that he was sorry he never felt like I did, was more than horrifying. I got it, I did. I just didn’t want to ever hear him say it, again.

Destiny:  

I reach over and take her hand knowing that seeing him had to be hard on her.  “How bad was that?  Please tell me you didn’t talk with him.  I know he always tries to apologize.”  She doesn’t say anything right away and I recall how heartbroken she was when he backed out of their relationship.  The tears she had shed seemed so long ago but I knew that kind of pain could still be felt.   “You were too good for him anyway.  He doesn’t deserve you.  You deserve a male who knows how valuable you are and appreciates all of you.”  

I sit back and watch her play with the gnocci wondering what is going through her mind as I can’t tell from the look on her face.  “Hey, forget Shade.  Oh, I have an idea.  There are a couple of single males at the restaurant if you might be interested?”

Bennu:

As I push around a piece of gnocci on my plate, I remember the feeling in my gut as Shade came around that corner, in the med suite, at the manse. Even after all these years, he can still make my stomach feel like it has butterflies fluttering around in there. I internally roll my eyes at myself. Well, maybe I did a slight eye roll externally, too. I’m such an idiot. Part of me still secretly hopes that he might wake up one day and realize how much of a good thing he let go of. Another part of me wishes I never had to see him again. Although, after twenty-three years, you would think that I would have woken up by now, seen the proverbial light, and moved on. Nope. Not this hopeless romantic. I swear, sometimes I feel like Ally McBeal… and I want to kick myself. I should be more like MacKayla Lane.

“Nah. You know what. Someday it will happen for me. Until then, I have plenty of things to keep me occupied.” I stuff a gnocci into my mouth and savor the taste of it. “I forgot just how good the food is at Sal’s!”

Grabbing a piece of bread, I slather some butter onto one side. “So, you mentioned earlier that you were looking for a place. Why don’t you stay in my second bedroom? All I have in there is my extra massage table, and no one ever comes here for a session. I honestly don’t know why I still have it set up in there. I should probably just bring it to the manse or Safe Place. Anyway, the room is yours, if you want it.”

Destiny:

I almost drop my fork when she offers me a place to stay.  It made a feeling of warm rush through my body, almost like a feeling of coming home.  In a sense, she was like home to me.  At least the only home I had truly had.   “Bennu, that is is an amazing offer. I…” My words falter for a few seconds and I have to take a deep breath and fight back the tears I feel forming.  “I would love that.  I don’t have a lot of things so If you need to leave the table it is no problem. I can pay you for the room, too.”  

I take a bite and then grin.  “It will be like when we were young and stayed up past the curfew to talk about males and things we wanted to happen when we grew older.  But are you sure?  I don’t want to impose on you and I wouldn’t want to be in your way.”  I sit back hoping to myself she is completely serious as this would be exactly what I need right now to get out of the place I am in now.  

Bennu:

Tossing an incredulous look at Destiny, I spout out, “Absolutely!” I shake my head to emphasise my stance, “It’s no imposition at all. Don’t be silly. You need a place to stay, other than that hotel room you’re in and I have an empty room. Of course it’s yours!” A smile creeps across my features as I remember all the fun we used to have… and the trouble we used to get into, and a chuckle slips out. “Remember that time we snuck in to look into the scribe bowls? I thought for sure someone would rat us out. Thankfully, Shanda was the only one there. If The Directrix had been there, we would have been in so much trouble.” I thought back on the night fondly. “It seems like a lifetime ago”

Sometimes I wonder how life would have ended up so differently for us all if Phury hadn’t become the Primale. Vishous was actually almost the Primale, at one point! With all due respect to the Brother, that would have ended up horrifically! But, what if it had been someone else? What if we were never brought to This Side? We were never given the freedom we have now? I would have ended up an Ehros, like my mahmen before me. I don’t know how well I would have done with that position. Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to fulfill my duties. I mean, that was what we were created for, it was our station. But now that I know what freedom really feels like, I would never want to go back to all that.

Shaking my thoughts back to the present, I take a look at my best friend and sister, “It’s settled then, you move in as soon as you can get packed up from the hotel.” I flash Des an enormous smile.

#WelcomeHome #ImmortalSinners #BDBRP #IS

[nadziejastar]

Part two of my idea on how X could’ve been implemented better. Have it only be mentioned in the reports and possibly by Saix and Axel. And even then make it a minor thing. Make Isa and Lea the forefront and X in the background. Like she was just another test subject. Nothing fancy like cannon. Keep her role vauge at best. Also 50 bucks that X, Isa and Lea’s relationship is gonna have no development or anything of the sorts. It’s just gonna be stated, like Riku and Kairi friendship in KH3

Yes, exactly! I don’t know how it got to the point where the story got so butchered that they decided to make Lea and Isa apprentices instead of just making Skuld another victim along with them. There was so much more potential with them all being part of the experiments. If she was a lab rat, they would have far more reason to care about her so much, since they would personally be able to understand her pain. I would have had NO problem with another test subject being involved with their backstory and them reuniting later and becoming friends with her. It would have made perfect sense. 

I wouldn’t have cared if KH4 involved them looking for her, either. But you have to show the audience something to make us care, and it has to be believable. Not just TELL us. Oh, they’re super close because they spoke to her a few times in the shadows. I also agree completely that they’re probably just going to write it where Skuld is their best friend and it’s just gonna be stated as fact, like Riku and Kairi, lol. That’s what KH3 made it seem like. But it didn’t have to be that way.

When we did manage our way inside, we spoke with her. That was all the comfort two children like us could offer. But Lea had other ideas. He was determined to free her. We slipped into the castle that day knowing only that we wanted, with all our hearts, to save her. But we did not find her inside on that day or the next, or any of our subsequent visits. Had she been moved? Had we simply imagined her?

I completely agree that her role should have been vague at best. My biggest problem is that Lea and Isa became apprentices, and their goal the whole time in Organization XIII was to find information on this girl. I’m sorry but that’s waaay too much of a stretch. Even in canon, it seems like Lea and Isa only spoke to her in the shadows and in hushed whispers. They never even saw what she looked like. You know, they could have even kept this idea and still made it work. It might have even been more touching that way.

My only solace was the time I spent talking with the two boys who would visit from time to time. One day, a man came to take me from the prison. I could not see him for the darkness, save that he wore an eyepatch. Even now, years on, I feel no closer to understanding who or what I am. May my heart be my guiding key.

Maybe she was in a cell close to Lea and Isa, and they all spoke in hushed whispers when the apprentices weren’t around. They may not have ever seen her, but she would be special to them because they all mutually comforted each other. It would be realistic and believable for them to have an attachment to her in that case. Then she disappeared, and they never knew what happened to her. That is fine. Nothing too drastic. Doesn’t take the spotlight off of Lea and Isa. Doesn’t forcefully try to make her their BFF.

The experiments caused the test subject's heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery. I confined those who had completely lost their hearts beneath the castle. Some time later, I went below and was greeted by the strangest sight. Creatures that seemed born of darkness...What are they? Are they truly sentient beings? Could they be the shadows of those who lost their hearts in my experiments?

Even all the way back when I first played vanilla KH2, after reading all the secret reports, I thought that Axel was probably one of the test subjects from the experiments. That’s how perfectly it fit every single aspect of his character, and how a decent guy like him wound up in Organization XIII. It explained his hatred of Zexion and Vexen, his bleak outlook on having a next life, and his unusual relationship with Roxas. Axel lost his childhood and loved being around Roxas because he was like Sora---purehearted and innocent. That’s how I’ve always viewed Axel. Days and BBS just convinced me of it beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

The shadows that crawl beneath the castle...Are they the people who lost their hearts, or incarnations of darkness? Or something entirely beyond my imagination? All my knowledge has provided no answer. One thing I am sure of is that they are entirely devoid of emotion. 

Even aaaall the way back in the original CoM when he was first introduced, I think Axel was written with the idea in mind that he was a former test subject. He was always a test subject, IMO. During the experiments, Xehanort lost a lot of subjects. I think that was what they were trying to parallel in Days, when half the organization members got wiped out and Axel’s survival was in question.

Perhaps further study will unlock the mysteries of the heart. Fortunately, there is no shortage of test samples. They are multiplying underground even as I write this report. They still need a name. Those who lack hearts... I will call them the Heartless.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that Axel mentioned the organization’s mission to “unlock the mysteries of the heart” while talking about people turning into Heartless and the strength of Sora’s heart. Xehanort wanted to unlock the heart’s mysteries by studying the Heartless in the basement. Axel seemed like he was speaking from personal experience when he mentioned people turning into Heartless and losing their minds and feelings, which he probably witnessed firsthand. There’s no way he’d be involved willingly with that shit, even if he was an apprentice. 

The Heartless appear in groups, and are multiplying rapidly. I've provided them both living and nonliving samples. They've responded only to the living. They seem to multiply after absorbing something from the living creatures. Their prey vanishes without a trace. I believe the Heartless are taking hearts. They are born from those who've lost their hearts, and thrive on hearts seized from others. The hearts taken by the Heartless become Heartless themselves.

This girl could be someone they assumed got turned into a Heartless and they’d never see again. Xehanort was providing both living and nonliving samples to the Heartless. So, I’m assuming that meant dead people and living people. The dead people would be useless to the apprentices, so it’s easy to understand why they’d be used to study the Heartless. The living samples provided to the Heartless must not have been seen as very valuable if he was risking them like that. Or, it might have been some kind of punishment for disobedience. 

One by one, the Dusks went over the gate and the walls surrounding the mansion. A great number of them were wounded and faded away on the barrier.

No matter when I see the Dusks–to see those guys, Nobodies like me–destroyed, it doesn’t feel good.

Makes me think about how someday I’ll be erased in the same way.

Axel had a HUGE, deeply ingrained fear of disappearing. They could have connected Subject X’s disappearance with that. In the novel, Xigbar called Saïx a “kid without a heart”. He also seemed to view Axel as a kid.

Axel’s attention was on the bridge where Xaldin had fallen. Unlike when a Heartless fell, the Nobodies of the organization turned to darkness and evaporated into nothing. The sight was like watching his own future unfold. It rattled him.

He spoke like he had a lot of experience with Lea having outbursts while the experiments were going on, which he saw as “tantrums”. Lea seemed to be a more naturally bold and fearless person. Isa was probably a more timid and submissive kid, like Ienzo. 

Zexion As he shares something like a master-servant or teacher-student relationship with Xemnas, like Saix, he is a character with strong connections. While he was the superior in that regard, perhaps that was ultimately his downfall. It is likely that if Marluxia and Axel had not betrayed him in Castle Oblivion, he would have played a central role within the Organization. –Nomura

Saïx wanted Zexion gotten rid of because he was his biggest rival for being Xemnas’s lapdog. The experiments were focused on getting a person to renounce their sense of self. People like Lea, who have a strong will, would need to be dealt with in some way. I can see him having “tantrums” over it.

Saïx’s response was icy. “That’s no concern of yours.”

“What about Axel?” he pressed.

Hearing that name, Saïx narrowed his eyes faintly, not even enough for Roxas to notice. He wasn’t attuned to such subtle changes.

“Who knows,” Saïx finally said. “Perhaps he is among the lost.”

It seemed like Isa ALSO had a huge fear of people disappearing.

“None of your concern.”

Xion had expected as much. Saïx never answered her questions.

Then Xigbar poked his face between them. “As cold to Poppet as always, aren’t you—Saïx.” Saïx pointedly ignored him.

Xigbar is always coming to talk to me. He talks to me a lot more than Saïx, so I like him.

“They’re saying Roxas fainted or something, and he’s still out like a light,” Xigbar supplied.

“Huh?” Xion started. Roxas was unconscious…?

“You worried?” Xion nodded at Xigbar. “Heh heh, you’re so cute, Poppet. I can take you to see him after.”

Xigbar started teasing him when Xion was worrying about Roxas.

Maybe she had been sent away somewhere on a long-term mission, like Axel at Castle Oblivion. But…asking about Axel seemed to put Saïx in such a foul mood, Roxas couldn’t bring himself to inquire after Xion.

And when Roxas asked Saïx about Axel, it put him in a really foul mood.

“Humph… all those in the way were rounded up and sent there, that’s all.”

Saïx is probably telling the truth. Those other members of the Organization were in Saïx’s way… no, in our way. But, I wonder why I can’t help being sarcastic about it.

“Don’t tell me I was one of those?” He said it with a grin, but the hint of a frown tugged at the scar between Saïx’s brows.

Looks like he didn’t appreciate that joke.

“You made it back in one piece, didn’t you?”

Were you worried I wouldn’t? Axel almost said, but he didn’t want to deal with putting him in an even fouler mood. Disgust and rage seemed to linger closest to the surface of Saïx’s memories.

It sounded like Axel was making a joke referencing a specific incident from their past. Saïx got the reference and was NOT amused by the joke. It put him in a foul mood. Based on the way he spoke, I think Axel was referring to a time when Isa was very worried about Lea, who might have been eliminated. That basement might have been where people who were “in the way” were sent and Isa was terrified he’d never see Lea again. Braig probably had a lot of fun while that was going on. This is why Axel didn’t want to ask if Saïx was worried about him while he was gone.

With no other choice, Axel opened his mouth. “If you’ve got troubles, you tell them to your friends… right? Roxas.”

And I don’t think Lea was the only one who got sent to that basement.

“I’m simply caught up in it. If there’s something, please don’t hide it from me, tell me.” Axel got up off the shelf and put his hand on Saïx’s shoulder from behind, peering into that face.

When Saïx was in a bad mood over Xion being a failure, it seemed to be deliberately similar to when Xion couldn’t use her Keyblade and she thought she’d be turned into a Dusk for being useless.

“What’s wrong, Xion?” It was Axel who had noticed, peering into Xion’s face.

“Soon… the other members are going to find out that I can’t use the Keyblade, aren’t they…” said Xion, head down.

“We told you, it will be okay,” said Roxas, peering into her face too this time.

After Saïx rejected Axel, he was thinking how much things had changed between them compared to the old days. Axel was a bit more blunt about it in the manga, but the concept was the same. Saïx was so hard on Xion because she reminds him of how HE used to be dubbed as the useless “failure”. 

So, I think both Lea and Isa got sent into that basement and they had to survive against Heartless. Isa was probably terrified that he’d be turned into a Heartless, and Lea worked twice as hard so they’d both survive, like Roxas did when Xion lost her Keyblade. They probably assumed that Subject X had been sent into that basement before she disappeared and were traumatized by it. If they found out that she actually didn’t, I could see them trying to find her. I would have been completely fine with that. It would have given them both a new goal for the future without feeling contrived.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift is the artist of the decade

By: Courteney Larocca for Insider Date: December 16th 2019

Not only has Swift been putting out No. 1 hit after No. 1 hit this decade, but her music has latched onto its listeners in deeply intimate ways. The singer has also been actively using her platform as a successful artist to shed light on injustices within the music industry to ensure a younger generation of musicians can thrive in an environment that cares about their work, as opposed to commodifies it.

Taylor Swift knows that if you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room. Oddly enough, Swift usually is the smartest person in any room.

While the casual observer may see Swift as nothing more than a pop star, she's one of the few people who has actively been making her industry - and the lives of her fans - better in irreversible and notable ways throughout the decade.

Swift was barely 20 years old when she became the youngest artist to ever win album of the year at the Grammy Awards on January 31, 2010, for her sophomore album, "Fearless." While the album came out in late 2008, it set Swift up to become an international phenomenon over the course of the 2010s; it even landed at No. 98 on this decade's overall Billboard Hot 200 list.

Her early success made sense - audiences love a wunderkind, plus there was something so incredibly relatable about a teenager telling her crush, "you belong with me."

But for me, and other fans of Swift, it was more than that. She was someone we could see ourselves in as we navigated our own lives and romances. And with the release of "Speak Now," in late 2010, Swift proved she wasn't capable of just reinventing optimistic love stories, she had a complete grasp on heartbreak and pain, too.

Swift demonstrated her songwriting prowess early on, and her music only continued to get stronger all the way through her 2019 album, 'Lover'

"Speak Now" is an entirely self-written album that charted on the Billboard Hot 200 for 137 weeks, which was not only a huge middle finger to critics who claimed Swift didn't write her own music, but also proof she was one of the most promising songwriters of her generation.

Arming herself with lyrics like "I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe," and "The lingering question kept me up / Two a.m., who do you love?" Swift created a bulletproof foundation for a career built around her uncanny ability to pinpoint crucial moments of intimacy and turn them into universal anthems of heartbreak, love, and loss that became soundtracks to real fans' lives.

Obviously, the stellar music never stopped coming. With 2012 came "Red," an album that's aged so gracefully that it's landed on numerous best albums of the 2010s lists.

Swift dropped her pop masterpiece, "1989," in 2014 - an album that boasts her biggest Billboard Hot 100 hit to date, "Shake It Off," which stayed on the chart for 50 consecutive weeks. "1989" also earned Swift another album of the year win at the Grammys, making her the first woman to ever be honored with that award twice.

Swift continued her career growth with "Reputation" in 2017, which helped her break The Rolling Stones' record for highest-grossing US tour in history by earning a whopping $266.1 million. Then, capping off the decade came 2019's "Lover," an album that showcased all of Swift's immense musical talents, but stands out in her catalog as the first album that she outright owns - a triumph that goes far beyond the music itself.

It's important to note, though, that there is no singular album that can easily be delegated as the "fan favorite," largely because each album is so special within Swift's discography. If you picked seven different fans off the street, they could very easily all have a different answer to the question, "What is your favorite Taylor Swift album?"

Even critics can't fully answer that question. While "Red" is known for being critically beloved (and is my own personal favorite), Billboard had six of its writers argue for one of her first six studio albums as being her best. Also, when I ranked Swift's best and worst songs for Insider earlier this year, songs from every single one of her albums made the "best" list.

One of the reasons Swift's fans constantly latched onto her music this decade - leading to her chart-topping dominance - was because her lyrics always felt so personal, yet relatable at the same time.

Take "All Too Well," for instance. It was a deep cut tucked cleverly away at track No. 5 on "Red." It was never released as a single, but this mighty pop-rock ballad became the sort of musical zenith most artists only dream about writing.

Hearing Swift weave in intimate details about listening to her ill-fated lover's mother tell stories about his childhood or leaving her scarf at his sister's house might seem too specific to reach a larger audience outside of her piano room, but it's exactly that candor that makes Swift's best songs feel so ubiquitous.

Swift's relatability proved crucial in 2017 when it came to her impacts on societal shifts outside of the music industry

Two months before the New York Times exposé of Harvey Weinstein was published, Swift stood up in a Denver courthouse against an ex-radio DJ who groped her at a 2013 meet-and-greet and then had the gall to sue her for damages after he was fired from his job.

The phrases from her testimony, "I'm critical of your client sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my a--," and "I'm not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault," will forever be ingrained in Swift's fans' minds alongside the lyrics she wrote in her high school diaries.

After she won her symbolic $1, which she sought out for "anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault," The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, or RAINN, told ABC that its national hotline saw a 35% increase in calls over the weekend following her testimony.

"Seeing someone that they respect, that they identify with [state they've been assaulted], has a big impact," RAINN's president Scott Berkowitz told ABC News at the time.

It's easy to look at a statistic and not think about the people behind it, but I can say that for myself, Swift played a pivotal role in how I viewed my own sexual assault.

Even before her fearless testimony, I turned to her 2010 ballad, "Dear John," for validation that I wasn't the only woman who ever counted her footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through again while dating a man with a "sick need to take love away." I later found solace in "Clean," the atmospheric "1989" closer that promises its listener that they'll one day be able to finally breathe after a roller-coaster relationship.

There's no doubt in my mind that I'm not the only one who saw their own pain reflected in Swift's lyrics, allowing them to grieve. After all, she wouldn't have become the artist with the highest-ever amount of American Music Awards, which is a fully fan-voted show, if her music was just OK.

Swift has also made strides at bettering the music industry for her fellow artists as well as herself

I won't rehash the recent legal woes brought on by Scott Borchetta selling Swift's former label Big Machine Records - and thus, all of Swift's catalog up through 2017's "Reputation" - to Scooter Braun (because who needs Big Machine anyway?). I will say that Swift fighting to own her art, and by proximity her fight for all artists to own their art, is just one example of the work she's done this decade to protect artists' rights.

You may remember that she got endlessly dragged for taking her music off Spotify or writing a letter to Apple condemning its policy of not paying artists during a three-month free trial period of Apple Music. But underneath all of the misogynistic, "she's only out for money" criticisms spat at her, you'll find she did those things to bring light to issues within her industry that hurt up-and-coming artists who don't have the millions of dollars that Swift has. Within less than 24 hours, Swift received a direct response to her open letter to Apple, saying the company had decided to reverse its decision.

When Swift chose to leave Big Machine behind in 2018, she didn't just leave for the sake of leaving. She instead negotiated a deal with Universal Music Group that not only granted her the rights to everything she would create under the label but also included a clause in her contract stipulating that "any sale of [UMG's] Spotify shares result in a distribution of money to their artists, non-recoupable."

She also said the label had agreed to this "at what they believe will be much better terms than paid out previously by other major labels."

That means that with her contract, Swift made sure other favorite artists of this decade, like Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande, and Kanye West, will benefit from the revenue their art brings in. The same goes for lesser-known and newer artists signed to the label.  

Even other artists have given credit to Swift for the way she changed the way we consume pop music

It's hard to imagine today's pop stars like Ariana Grande would be able to name-check their former lovers in songs like "Thank U, Next," and have them be the successful hits we know today if Swift hadn't previously crafted breakup songs like 2010's "Dear John" and 2014's "Style" that made it clear who the tracks were about - John Mayer and Harry Styles - right there in the titles.

Halsey, another artist who rose to prominence this decade, has even lionized Swift as one of her songwriting heroes, notably for her smart bridges.

"The bridge [of a song] is a fortune cookie. It pulls the whole thing together, it's the punchline, it's one of the most important parts of a song. Ask Taylor Swift, she writes the best ones in history," Halsey said in a November 2019 interview with Capital FM.

Anyone who's listened to "Out of the Woods," "Don't Blame Me," or "Lover" knows this to be true.

Swift deserves to be the artist of the decade because her music validated women while she simultaneously fought for a younger generation to make new music in a better environment

It took 13 years for Swift to come out with a track contemplating the misogynist double standards she's had to face as a woman in the music industry, and it's easy to agree with her sentiment: If Swift were a man, then she would, no doubt, be "The Man."

But while she maybe would have faced fewer obstacles and overtly sexist criticisms throughout her career if she were a man, she may not have touched as many women's lives with her music.

Being someone who has idolized Swift since I was 11 years old, I can say that the reason she matters is because not only does she produce beautifully-worded tracks that resonate with fans on extremely personal levels, but she also wants to make the world a better, fairer place - one music contract, open letter, and song lyric at a time.

And that's something that should never be shaken off.

[sunshineshawol]

Please have an open mind when reading this.

 (Just as a preface, I made this post because I wanted to say a lot of things and I felt frustrated reading those comments against Bakugou. No matter how much he’s changed, people are still quite aggressive on painting Bakugou as a villain)

Whenever I see a comment hating on Bakugou, I always see the same thing. “Bakugou is a bully”, “...an abuser.”, “...an annoying character.”, “...the same as Endeavour.” To be honest, I don’t know if they are just stuck with the image of him in the beginning of the story, or if they truly hate his guts. In my perspective, I see him as an essential character that would push the main protagonist forward. But I also saw him as something else after reading all the hate comments against him.

When I first saw him, I never really hated him nor liked him. I knew what he was doing was cruel, but because I saw him more as a character of a story, I never really passionately hated him. After watching the first and second series, I got a better understanding of his character, and theorized why his attitude is the way it is. I did this because, realistically speaking, a person doesn’t act like a bully after being born. It’s their environment that changes them. This is shown in films quite often, where we are shown a bully character, only to reveal mid-movie that they have a tragic past, or abusive parents, etc.

In Bakugou’s case, it may appear as if there’s nothing wrong with his environment. His parents are supportive of him, He grew up being praised. He seems very well liked. However, this sort of environment is exactly what shaped him to the egotistic bully that people saw in the first episode. This image of a perfect Bakugou, Katsuki, was ingrained into his head and he works hard to keep that perfection. He even mentions that he aced the mock exam, this doesn’t just come without any hard work. He most likely studied hard to be a top student. Not only that but how did he know how to use his explosions to propel himself during the fitness test. There’s no other explanation than training. We aren’t shown this, but if you thought about it, it makes sense. Let’s not forget that he’s generally a good boy (can cook, tells his friends not to smoke, SLEEPS AT 8 ish PM) (someone in Reddit actually said that the more you workout the more sleep you need, which proves my point, that he works hard)

Now as for his relationship with Midoriya. We already know that they are childhood friends, and of course, that scene of Midoriya asking if he’s ok, after falling. This can be seen as Bakugou being melodramatic over a simple gesture. But I see it as Bakugou seeing himself as a higher level (strong, smart, fearless, etc.)(EDIT: actually, he sees All Might as the highest level) while Midoriya as a lower level (weak, quirkless, scaredy cat), and seeing MIdoriya like that doesn’t match his idea of someone weak. (And if someone weak sees him as someone weaker, that means that he, Bakugou, is weaker than the weak; which goes against his idea that he has to be perfect and on top).  Keep in mind that they are still children at this point, and most of their actions will be quite naive.

Moving on to adolescence, Bakugou is still bullying Midoriya. At this stage,teens are usually immature, so they will say the most reckless things. I know I did. This is also the point which pissed a lot of people off. The part where Bakugou tells Midoriya to kill himself. Of course, Midoriya didn’t, and even considers what would happen to Bakugou if he did. To be honest, I questioned why Midoriya even stuck to Bakugou. If I had such an aggressive friend bully me, I would have cancelled our friendship and went to another school; yet Midoriya followed Bakugou. This tells me, that even though he is scared of Bakugou and his explosive nature, he never did consider him as a bully, but as a goal (and maybe as a friend). Bakugou is definitely not blackmailing him to follow him around, in fact, Bakugou doesn’t even want him to follow him around.

The next event is after their first lesson with All Might. At this point Bakugou is already frustrated with the fact that someone that he saw as weak, got in. Not only that but his classmates are in the same or higher (Todoroki) level than him. If you know how it feels to suddenly be placed in the bottom, you’ll understand the frustration that this explody boy is feeling. To put it short, you’ll start questioning your abilities and doubt yourself. “Am I really stupid?”, “Am I really this weak?”

This is followed by the Sports festival, Internship and kidnapping. All which are saying “You are a villain.” At this point not only is the idea that he is weak suddenly ingrained into his head, but also, that he is not a hero, but a villain. These frustrations are then released after he connected the pieces and fought Midoriya. All his doubts and frustrations were released and he sought out why he wasn’t chosen. Why someone he saw as the embodiment of weakness was seen as more heroic than he was. He questioned if he was in fact, just weak, and of course, if he was the cause of everything. SO NO HE WAS NOT BEING A WHINY BITCH. He had every reason to want to cry out. If it weren’t for their “talk”, he would probably have believed all those comments and became what everyone saw him as, a villain.

Like I said before, one’s environment has the ability to change them, and same could be said about Bakugou. He has definitely changed ever since he entered UA. He doesn’t look down on his classmates ability (hence why he called Uraraka by name and not by a derogatory nickname and was also careful of what ever Uraraka was planning, when he could’ve just ended the match easily), his abilities have improved and he learned his limits and his level difference in comparison to others and All Might. As well as change his attitude towards MIdoriya (becoming proper rivals,discussing skills and whatnots). He is definitely not the same Bakugou that he was in the past, albeit he will probably still have that explosive attitude.

As for the burning question of whether or not Bakugou will ever verbally apologize to Midoriya. We wouldn’t really know for sure if Bakugou’s change of attitude is a sign of apology or if Midoriya’s acceptance of Bakugou’s feelings is forgiveness. It could be their unspoken way of saying sorry to each other. I see this often in asian tv shows, where the daughter might place a plate of food in front of their finally sober father (small gestures, saying “I accept you”). But who knows, they are characters of a fictional story, so it’s up to the mangaka to decide whether there will be a verbal apology or not.

In my head, Bakugou won’t apologize until they are older and more mature. I see it as a topic discussed after a long fight with a high level villain, over a pint of beer and Pizza, in Mina’s Pub, with the other heroes getting drunk, and Todoroki and Uraraka pretending to be gang leaders making deals over who gets the last slice of Pizza, while Iida commands Kaminari  to get down from the table. Also, Mineta doesn’t get drunk because he’s grape boy.

[girl-innovators2022]

Post 10

1. How would you define the Warrior Girl Icon based on the examples in the PDF series? What icons would you add?

The Warrior Girl Icon is someone who isn’t afraid to go against the grain. She is powerful and fearless. In many ways she embodies classically male traits. While, historically, women are seen as fragile and meek, these girls do not ascribe to that idea. They fight, they protect, and most of all, are the good that destroys the evil. Throughout history and stories, we’ve had inspiring female characters who have proven time and time again that women are much more than what men have defined us as. An icon I recently learned about is Boudica of the Celtic Iceni tribe, who may or may not have existed. 

Boudica, whether real or legend, was said to have been the wife of Celtic King Prasutagus of the Iceni tribe. She was said to have lived during the time of the Roman Empire’s conquest of Britain. After her husband’s death, Boudica was named leader/reigning Queen in his place which angered the Romans. She was subsequently publicly flogged and her daughters assaulted, which spread hatred towards the Romans. Boudica convinced the Iceni tribe to go to war against one of the most powerful armies at the time and almost took them down. She was known to be an amazing fighter, strong military commander, and a powerful leader. She was also a caring mother and loved her people. Whether she truly existed or not, her story is an inspiration to many who’ve heard her name. She is a warrior. 

2. READ Priya's Shakti graphic novel, watch the videos and write a review (3-4 paragraphs) on your blog.

Include reference to these concepts:

"The problem of gender violence is not a legal problem, but a cultural problem."

"Culture changes faster than genes."

"Speak without shame and stand with me and bring about the change you want to see."

“No good girl walks home alone at night”. The quote that Ram Devineni recounted from a police officer during the protests really stuck out in my mind. Having read Priya’s Shakti, it harkens to many lines uttered by the male characters that Priya encounters. She is harassed at the market and on her way home. She is raped and subsequently thrown out by her family. This graphic novel focuses on cultural issues many women have faced, and in some regions continue to face. India is not the exception though. All around the world, there are deeply ingrained cultural issues that allow gender based violence to continue and go unpunished. We women are always the ones at fault. We provoked them, we wore the wrong clothes, we walked home alone at night. 

The character of Priya is quite remarkable. She takes her pain and her fear, and along with the help of goddess Parvati, reinvents a powerful version of herself. Priya becomes a symbol of strength for women and young girls all across India. Being mirrored off of the goddess Durga who is famously depicted riding on a tiger, as does Priya towards the end of the novel, she too mirrors the strength of the goddess she embodies. Priya gathers people far and wide to join her in change. “Speak without shame and stand with me and bring about the change we want to see”. Once Priya overcomes her fears with the tiger, we are introduced to this inspirational phrase. What I love most about it, is the use of We and not You. She is creating a sense of community, a collective want and desire for change, not an individual fight. Change cannot be done alone, we must work together for change. 

The story of Priya’s Shakti is a story that needs to be told. For far too long, we as humans have made survivors hide and feel ashamed of what was done to them. Using a graphic novel like Priya’s Shakti takes the story of a survivor and transforms her into a superhero, an incredible icon we can look up to and feel empowered by. The idea of using the true stories and voices of real life survivors takes this from a story to real life. You can no longer hide behind the pages to distance yourself, you now have to confront the reality of what is happening all around you. Through Priya’s story, we can begin to “bring about the change we want to see”. 

3. Watch the speeches by Emma Gonzalez and Naomi Wadler. How do these speeches resonate four years later in the aftermath of March for Our Lives (March 2018)? 

What continues to be breakthrough and change-making about these speeches? What has changed?

How has their presence on the public stage at that time and since then expanded the definition of a fearless 'Warrior Girl'?

These speeches are still as powerful and important as ever. Especially with the fact that almost nothing has been done to fix this problem since March For Our Lives. With mass shootings like the one in Uvalde still taking place on a daily basis in the United States, these speeches remind us how little has truly been done to keep the people in this country safe. These speeches, as amazing as they are, show us that they are still relevant now, or even more relevant now since their voices have been mostly ignored. What we hoped would maybe bring change years ago, has sadly made little impact. These speeches can be given today with new names and they still work. 

Emma Gonzalez’s speech is powerful in many ways. She exudes Warrior Girl in the way she holds herself and delivers her speech. During the moment of silence, her face is stoic, her eyes focus on the crowd in front of her. She shows a level of strength that many could not match, especially when you think about what she went through. She has shown that anyone can take on the mantle of  the Warrior Girl. 

Naomi Wadler is quite an impressive young girl. She was only 11 years old when she gave this speech at March For Our Lives. She may seem small but her speech is immense. She holds herself strong and speaks with conviction. She addresses the crowd in front of her and makes her statements known. She chose to become a changemaker, even though she was only in elementary school. She chose to lead a walk out at such a young age. She is growing up in a world where she sees injustice, she feels it. She has shown that anyone can take on the mantle of  the Warrior Girl. 

[kingofthewilderwest]

"Don't tell, show" is a recurring theme of both movies. Hiccup *shows* Astrid that Toothless is not dangerous, he *shows* villagers that dragons are not dangerous, and in the second movie he gets *shown* that Drago cannot be reasoned with. With Vikings, merely telling them things is never enough.

There’s definitely something to be said the Vikings are stubborn. In the book, the stubbornness, or not believing what they’re being told, is fairly common. But this is making my brain think about something more in-depth… both from the level of what the characters experience in story, and what we as audiences experience from a more meta level.

I think “Show, don’t tell” is a nice extension on what writers are so often told to do. “Show, don’t tell” is something that’s pounded into a lot of creative writers when they first start out. It’s good to follow. Readers aren’t as big on dry expositions as they are memorable events. There’s something very important, very authentic, very memorable… about doing something instead of just saying it.

Of course, words can be very powerful. Let’s not deny that. But in many cases, it truly is that “actions speak louder than words.” Sometimes we don’t believe words… but the authenticity of strong actions win us over. In cases like proving dragons aren’t dangerous, or Drago can’t be reasoned with… actions are almost necessary because they prove something to the contrary of what has been deeply ingrained. The Hairy Hooligans have believed for generations dragons must be fought; Hiccup’s claim to fame and identity has been based upon reasoning with the seemingly unreasonable.

So to look at your first two comments, where Hiccup shows Astrid Toothless is not dangerous and Hiccup shows the villagers dragons must not be fought… the actions are important because he’s going against the grain of what the Vikings believe. And frankly, the Vikings have been told and been shown time and time and time and time and time again evidence that confirms their views.

In a world like Berk, dragons have been fought for generations. Every single house is new. Hundreds of dragons have killed the Vikings. The Dragon Manual describes how dangerous dragons are and how they must be killed on sight. It’s all the Hairy Hooligans have ever known - the war against dragons. Astrid watched her family disgraced when Fearless Finn Hofferson encountered a Flightmare. Stoick’s wife was taken away. His best friend has no arm and no leg on account of their enemies. It’s not an exaggeration or a guess to say that everyone on Berk has lost something significant due to the dragons, be it possessions, homes, family, friends, or other loved ones.

Hiccup simply saying, “The dragons are good!” would create laughter. What does this naive teenage boy know that seasoned soldiers don’t? Does he not understand how generations of Vikings have experienced ample proof that dragons are enemies? It’s ludicrous! Show, not tell, is exactly what is needed. It’s a powerful narrative moment for us as audience members - it’s more cool to watch Hiccup try to touch Hookfang’s nose than for Hiccup just to say, “Dragons are good.” And it’s a powerful moment of proof to the Vikings. All their education and experience cannot disprove this before their eyes.

So this is what is needed to turn Astrid, someone whose passion is on fighting dragons. This is what is needed to eventually turn Stoick, whose wife was lost from dragons.

With Drago it is much the same, except this time, it’s Hiccup who needs to be shown something. Stoick tries to tell Hiccup, but it’s not until Hiccup experiences it for himself that he realizes the truth. Hiccup is someone who might not be fully sure of his identity, but he does know that he’s someone who has changed peoples’ minds. He has proven to the Hairy Hooligans that dragons don’t need to be fought - he’s proven that to people who seem unreasonable. It makes sense that Hiccup isn’t going to believe his father, who sounds like he’s speaking the old ways instead of the hope and possibility of the new. In the last movie, Hiccup succeeded by doing the opposite of what his father’s generation believed. In this movie, Hiccup sees that Stoick can see things right, too.

Drago himself is someone who shows, not tells. Drago demonstrates his power by setting Toothless against Hiccup. It’s a great psychological tactic. In this gesture, he proves exactly how much of a foe he is, and how diplomatic words aren’t going to change him.

And we can keep going and going and going. As you say, “Show, Don’t Tell” keeps returning. When Hiccup fights Drago in the end, he uses Toothless saving him as proof behind his words. “This is what it is to earn a dragon’s loyalty,” Hiccup says, pointing to the action that just happened: Toothless broke free of the Bewilderbeast’s control and saved Hiccup’s life out of loyalty.

Goodness, I think I could give endless examples, now that you bring it up!

It’s good storytelling, so if HTTYD had a lot of telling instead of showing, I’d be less impressed with it. It’s nice we see the “show” convince Vikings. It’s also something that helps us as audience members. 

Last… I think there’s something innate within the nature of this story that requires showing instead of telling. And that’s because we’re dealing with dragons that do not speak. The dragons are characters, very important and central characters, but they don’t have the option to “tell, don’t show.” Dragons must show. As audience members, we must see shows. As characters within the franchise, Hiccup and his companions must understand the “shows” that they see in dragons. And reciprocate. 

The unforgettable Forbidden Friendship? There’s no words the entire sequence. It’s only action, after action, after action… as Hiccup and Toothless begin to show each other their trust.

This is where it all begins in the world of the Vikings.

This is where it all changes.

This is where it gets good.

This is where Berk’s society… can be… revolutionized.

[theproofinthisong]

WALLS REVIEW

i’m back for my review of walls!!

kill my mind: the perfect opening for the album & to announce the new era. i remember listening to it for the first time and my jaw dropping because i didn’t expect that sound & at the same time, it made total sense. it’s not my favorite genre personally but this track is so audacious and amazing. it’s probably the one that is the most different from louis’ previous sounds (in the band or solo stuff) and he’s giving us LIFE with the pop punk bop we always dreamed of. his voice is unique in every song but it especially stands out in this one, particularly at the beginning of the track. it’s such a fierce catchy and energetic track, you want to scream it at the top of your lungs. this is the type of song that makes the crowd lose its shit live. can’t wait to see it. the gimmicks in this one (the aaaah aaah part and the kill my kill my at the end mostly) are so clever, you hear them one time and boom, they can’t leave your mind, it’s witchcraft. i love the contrast between the very high and very low notes, they’re just perfection. AND THE BELTING!!! it’s hot. the earlier pop inspirations are pretty much there and it’s such a wonderful tribute. no wonder why louis loves this track so much. it’s gold and very very bold. 

don’t let it break your heart: see, the first time i listened to the new tracks (at ccme), i was instantly captivated by defenceless & habit. dliby was not a favorite instantly. but it became one. i don’t know why THE FUCK i didn’t pick as a favorite right on the spot. because it is a godsent. like hell!!! the nostalgia!! the raw emotion!! the hope it’s giving you!! the goosebumps!! and OH MY GOD louis’ voice in his...one of his best vocals. like period. it’s so soft and so strong at the same time. it’s so full of feelings, like the vulnerability!! the song speaks to me so much. AND OH MY GOD THE ALBUM VERSION!!! the single one was already extraordinary but the album arrangment makes it even more perfect and delicate!!! the writing in this one makes me cry, it’s so to the point and honest, like you can feel his heart beating in it. it’s the kind of music you carry with you. i know decades from now, it will remind me of my youth and the happy times i had back then. god i’m already sobbing.

two of us: honestly, there are no words for this one. it’s above everything. it’s without a doubt louis’ most personal and gutwrenching track. it’s not the one i listen to the most because it’s painful and so real. you can feel every crack, every hurdle, every tear, every ounce of desperation, every bit of newfound hope. i have a personal connection to this one because i experienced what louis is talking about. i lost my dad when i was 16, a little younger than louis. and oh my god the words he uses to talk about it and his grief is what i felt and still feel. those songs where EVERY WORD could be applied to you and your situation almost never happen. it’s a miracle. so yeah, it hurts to listen to it. but it also makes me really happy. i feel understood, i feel a kinship to him. and while i have no doubt everyone can relate to this song and have it resonating with them, losing a parent is a very specific kind of grief. and i never saw someone describing it so well in a song. his voice is so angelic in this. it’s so controlled but at the same time it’s on the verge of collapsing everytime and never does. god. if i had to pick a song to have as a tattoo, i will pick this one for sure. what a masterpiece.

we made it: BLOODY WE MADE IT. one of the most IN YOUR FACE larry songs out of walls (even if they all are) and i’m dying. it’s easily in my top 3 of louis’ songs performed live. THE POWER. THE CERTAINTY OF IT ALL. like his voice is so assured in this while still being able to be vulnerable and fragile. HOW?? HOW CAN YOU DO IT?? it’s one of the sappiest love songs i’ve ever heard but those are my weakness and fave. what a beautiful declaration. the lyrics are...well i still can’t believe they’re real. he deadass told us everything about his relationship with harry and how they were able to overcome all the obstacles thrown in their faces. in terms of melody, it’s a 10000000/10. you can’t help but sing it with him. it’s wonderfully produced, like the best kind of pop. it has a bit of those oasis vibes (walls and dlibyh also have them) which i’m a HUGE fan of. it’s such an effective single, like i can’t even count the times i listened to it. fucking treasure.

too young: another case of a song i adored the minute i listened to it, but it wasn’t as intense as with others. now it’s truly one of my most cherished tracks out of the album. the opening lines simply kill you, it’s whispered, it’s tender, it’s!!!! too much for my heart!! i’m swooning. i love that he doesn’t push his voice there, it stays at a low level and it makes it even more louder, in a way?? you feel like he’s speaking to only one person (who?? i wonder...), it’s so intimate i almost feel like intruding?? it’s a fucking gift. in terms of writing, it’s also one of my favorite because there are no filters. it tells the story without fear. louis just spilled his whole heart out in his track and that’s so fucking admirable. a jewel we need to protect.

walls: FIRST THE FUCKING INSTRUMENTAL. it fucking ruined me. someone said this song was like a late night conversation and it’s true. walls is probably the song that shows his personal growth the most, like louis couldn’t have written this song five years ago. it’s so grown. it’s so wise. so full of life and conclusions you made. it’s peaceful. it’s reassuring. i don’t know how a song can make you feel all of that but it does. and the lyrics are one of his best. it’s so significative at times (the goodbyes line for example), but metaphorical also (the cardboard full of clothes lines IS GENIUS and the walls one...obviously the best) and opening the song with a sentence and ending it with it is...pure magic. it’s clever but not only. it shows how much he went through and how he’s healing from it and how it helped him, in a way. and the voice. liquid honey. bye.

habit: legend snapped when he included the princess park line. what a chaotic larrie. i expected nothing less from him. i love the melody, it’s so catchy and happy!! it’s kind of a break after the rollercoaster you just went through. very needed. i’m still having a breakdown over it though. it’s such a cute ballad and beautiful love song. you just wanna move your head to it, it makes you truly happy. sunshine in a song form. like i’m smiling rn. and you can hear louis smiling while singing it too!!! it’s...wow. he’s able to communicate his feelings in a manner no other artist can. i will never get tired of it.

always you: we did our waiting. we were fucking starved. now we’re being fed babes!! miss always you is so iconic. the melody is ingrained in my brain after hundred times of listening to that damn snippet. the things i would do for louis. i love what he does with his voice in this, like he’s changing tones and going from one note to another like a champ. this song is so fucking hard to sing and louis is the ONLY one who can master it. shows how unique his voice is. i’m in love with the high parts and the chorus. dang. that’s a song. tell me that this song isn’t THE SHIT. it’s iconic as fuck. and it’s so lovely. still haven’t recovered from all the baby and home mentions. ALSO the legs wrapped around me line??? kill me please!!! i do not thank you.

fearless: now that’s an adjective that comes to mind while talking about louis. the verses aren’t my favorite melody wise but omg the bridge and the chorus!! he did that!!! it’s also the song where he’s singing the lowest (that head voice bitch) and omg. for now it isn’t in my top but i know it will grow on me and i can’t wait.  the lyrics are amazing nonetheless.

perfect now: we know it’s louis’ least favorite track and it’s mine too. it’s still louis though so still amazing. just like fearless, the verses aren’t my favorite part but same, the bridge and the chorus are wonderful. it’s pretty soft. also this is a song about harry (you steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed??) but some sentences can be applied to family and it’s such a nice & encouraging track to listen to when you think about the people you love. it’s very happy. makes you feel loved and exactly where you should be. and as always, his voice is to die for in it.

defenceless: to the surprise of exactly nobody, it’s my favorite song out of walls. it was love at first sight. you cannot explain it. it just is. in terms of writing, it’s my personal favorite (especially “sleeping on our problems and we’ll solve them in our dreams” which is pure poetry...the talent, the impact...i’m dying. also i put this quote everywhere i could, i’m OBSESSED with it). it tucks at your heartstrings, like it’s a very hopeful song but at the same time it’s full of memory of heartbreaks. i could bawl talking about it. harry and louis’ situation is impossible to describe and to comprehend. the things and contradictory feelings they had to face..i can’t even imagine. but he gives us a full glimpse of it in this song. and it’s so fucking brave to be this honest. it takes so much courage and trust. and i’m just in awe. artistically speaking, it’s a fucking tour de force. but like personally, what it means to louis...oh god. i’m dead. and THE MOTHERFUCKING FALSETTO. louis almost never uses it and oh my god. it’s breathtaking. it’s what you hear when you enter heaven. no one, fucking no one, has this kind of falsetto. it’s so special. it makes me wanna die. it’s too much for my heart. my god.

only the brave: it would have been ALSO my favorite song out of walls it it was longer. because it’s...i’m speechless. also very oasis but very louis. and sorry, but it’s better than oasis will ever be. there i said it. the lyrics are objectively the best out of the album, like i’m a slut for metaphors and they’re everywhere in here. i don’t know how to qualify it really but it has this anthem like quality? i can see the arena and thousands of people singing it back to louis. it reminds me of home in the sense that it’s subtle but very blatant at the same time. like he wrote this for us gay people. that ache is there. the pain. the underlying anger. but the optimism. knowing the hurt but never wishing to go back. the vocal control is incredible in this, i’ll say it again, but the ability to switch to chest voice to head voice back to back...he’s one in a billion. there is an intention behind every line and you can feel it piercing your soul. gimme rest.

4 years in the making. i’m so glad i waited and was besides Louis through it all. i’m so fucking proud i could cry. it’s a masterpiece of an album. it has everything. simply everything. i couldn’t have dreamed something better. the voice, the melodies, the lyrics, the emotion, the confidence, the range, the diversity of sounds, the different influences and the way he’s able to bring the best out of them and make them this, the old pop vibe of it while remaining extra modern..it’s pure art. it’s what art should be. making you feel every emotion the artist wanted you to. no one does it better than louis. god. thank you.

[wheresmyrubyslippers]

Cowgirl Boots

When I was a little girl I wore steel toed cowgirl boots. They were white with some amazing tassels on the sides. My first day of school a boy started picking on me and I kicked him with my fast moving steely toed boot and proudly walked away. I was fearless, no reason to doubt my course of action because I hadn’t been taught my place yet.

That same day I rode the school bus back in tears, my expectations of life completely altered. My twirling skirt, hat, fabulous cowgirl boots, and sparkling top didn’t live up to the fashion standards provided for kids in Cypress, Texas. That was the first day I felt “abnormal,” “weird,” apart from. As time passed, these staples of my wardrobe got thrown away, replaced by fads of the times and not as perfectly tailored to what my personality was and is. 

From that first, swift boot kick I realized what repercussions were for a girl. I was taunted and bullied, had my hair pulled, my weight persistently shamed. It’s not easy growing up as a female when your appearance is a public ornament, open to ridicule or praise at all times. 

Through the years this pervading idea of becoming a facade for others’ ease of mind and comfort made an impact. Instead of taking pride in showing off just how fabulous I can throw together vintage, ragtag combinations of clothing, I wear the public uniform, I blend to not be as noticeable. To be more noticeable as a woman is to “invite” danger into your life. I wear loose fitting clothing, jeans, and heels to be taller and thus more intimidating to men. I learned that while working with oil field men, sexualization is huge in that field and I literally wanted to rise above it...the heels got taller and taller. At the end of the day, when I was a skyscraper in a small office, nothing helped. Unsolicited advice and jeers continued to be thrown my way. 

I had a mental breakdown in my teens, I put on a twirling dress and just cried. It felt like I had lost myself, trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be and veering so far from my true north. This day was pivotal and remains ingrained in my memory as the day I felt broken. Why couldn’t I be like everyone else? Why was I always too big? Always too ugly? Always too much? Never enough? 

I always hoped to get back that “essence” I had as a young lady. The “not giving a shit,” mentality that only now I can see was powerful. The not caring if I offended anyone by fashion or behavior but embracing the fiery, quick little human that I was. These days I look around and see women, powerful women, speaking their truth and wearing their power on their sleeves. It fills my heart with joy to know that it is becoming a safer place for women, that the trials and tribulations of generations of strong women has opened a door and started a conversation that can shape the future. 

In private, I still wear unicorn onesies, odd socks, twirling skirts, and anything my heart desires. One day I hope that I will again have the courage to allow others to see me, truly see me, and not the well cultivated facade that has run my life these past 20 years. One day I want to strap on a pair of white, tasseled, cowgirl boots and find strength in my identity as an empowered woman. One day I want to go out into the world not as a part of public space but as a force of nature.