#fear of gambling phobia

[writers-potion]

Writing Mad Characters

Okay this is a bit awkward because I had this question copypasted into Google Docs I use to draft my answers, and I realized I've lost the question in my inbox (which is being flooded).

So...I'm so sorry for whoever asked this question. Sorry for the delay because I was struggling with life in general for the past month and definitely SORRY for losing your question (－‸ლ)

Q: I'm writing a story where a major character is slowly spiraling into madness where small details kinda hint into the downfall right before the bigger details appear and then it the floodgates open. Is there anything I should avoid? Anything that I should keep in mind? Anything that I should research?

Things to Avoid

“Mad” or “Insane” is too general. Writing a cliched ‘crazy’ character who randomly talks to imaginary people and lashes out at strangers, you’ll offend a whole bunch of people who've gone through/have mental illnesses. Read up on existing mental conditions (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic disorder and borderline personality disorder, etc.) to see what your character might have. 

Words like “mad” “crazy” or “insane” aren’t enough when you’re describing their status. As mentioned, these words hardly mean much when it comes to providing a clear description.

Contradicting yourself. Throwing random unhinged symptoms here and there wouldn’t work. In fact, you must have a clear arc on which they’re traveling and ensure that your “hints” are all getting at something.

Making the character overly destructive or harmful to others (when nothing really justifies it)

Justifying damaging behavior with this “madness”. Mad or not, your character will still have motives and goals that drive them forward. 

Making them look incompetent just the fact that they have a mental condition that makes them appear “mad” to others shouldn’t prevent them from achieving success. In fact, they may be even more cool-hearted and logical when it comes to their obsessions/goals. 

Research Tips

Narrow down the mental conditions your character experiences. Even if it’s a fictional condition, try basing it on existing ones and building on top of them. 

Take some time to study characters and/or real clinical cases that resemble the kind of madness you’re going for. 

- Anxiety Disorders: excessive fear and dread (ex. phobias) - Mood Disorders: persistent swings in mood or persistent feelings that interfere with daily life (ex. Depression, bipolar) - Psychotic Disorders: disordered thinking (ex. schizophrenia) - Eating Disorders: extreme emotional attitudes toward food (ex. Bulimia, anorexia) - Impulse Disorders: unable to resist urges (ex. Kleptomania, pyromania, gambling) - Personality Disorders: extreme inflexible personality traits (ex. Anti-social disorder, OCPD) - Past Traumatic Stress: persistent, frightening memories leading to emotional numbness 

Does your character have empathy?  

A sociopathic kind of madness is different. 

General Writing Tips for Spiraling into Madness

Establish a Baseline 

A lot of factors (stress, family history, innate personality, trauma, etc.) can contribute to madness, but it is not going to happen in a week. Define the existing mental and physical conditions your character has, and start from there. 

If you’re aiming for suicidal tendencies at the end, you want to start with symptoms of depression (a condition that may lead to suicide) - growing apathetic, erratic sleeping patterns, irritability, etc. 

This is also the stage where you want to plant some triggers that’ll go off later.

Trigger Events

A perfectly sound character suddenly spiraling down the madness route due to a single accident or traumatizing event isn’t convincing. 

A madness “snap” denies the reader the experience of watching the character’s journey into madness and how they feel about it. 

Internal Conflict (antagonist in himself) 

You must remember that madness is incurable. If someone could “cure” themselves by eating healthy, exercising and taking a few pills, it wouldn’t be much of a madness, would it? This means that the worst antagonist is going to be the character themselves, or the part of them that’s been taken away. 

Show how they are frustrated with themselves, scared of themselves, angry at their “alternative self”. The experience of not knowing yourself is a whole journey of its own.

Physical Manifestations/Quirks

If your character has a routine, show how they break down. 

They might develop habits that they otherwise would never allow themselves to have, perhaps as an effort to “keep this madness out”

Deteriorating Relationships

Depict how the character’s madness impacts his closed/loved ones. In the earlier stages, those close to him might be faster to notice and accept the signs of madness, even if the character denies it him/herself.

The first signs of madness might show when the character is trying to deal with difficult relationships - like losing patience and being unable to pick up subtle social clues.

Choosing Obsessions Over Primal Urges 

For these characters, obsession can take over a person’s normal urge to eat, sleep or even live. This can lead to, more or less, suicide. 

Example: In Black Swan, Nina’s obsession with becoming the perfect ballerina drive her to insanity, to the point where she doesn't mind dying on stage for the show.

[celestialdragoncookie]

Can I request another Yandere Three brothers, but the twist is that Y/N is a Cookie Phoenix with a crown of 5 (fire) gems/stone, the left one is red, orange, yellow, white, and the right one is blue (the reason why is bc that's how I think how powerful the fire is, and blue is currently the most powerful one, and this is true too, I searched it from goggle)

So I my idea is that, Y/N was a hybrid Cookie-Phoenix that was newly turn, and to be more powerful, they must collect all of the fire gems/stones to be more powerful, since in my au, (I created this btw), it's the extension of their (fire) abilities and control, and Y/N is a bit oblivious of the Three brothers, except Dark Cacao cookie, since he's the ruler of the kingdom, and they had already almost all of them... They just needed the rarest... Which was the purple one, but the problem is that it was in the Dark Cacao kingdom, so they disguise themselves as a maid to get it, (btw, Dark Cacao cookie Soul Jam and the Purple fire stones is a bit different, but the colors are exactly the same, and the fire stones shape are pearl shaped), although, they eventually knew her secrets, due to how warm and her eyes we're, which made them intrigued, but she didn't realize it until it was too late

And you can do the rest, either she was captured by them or kidnapped, or whatever you'll like :D

"Uncaged Freedom" Yandere Three brothers x Hybrid Phoenix Reader:

Eons have passed after that fateful, phoenix kind on the blink of extinction as the lady of fate felt pity for the ruler of the sky's shines once again as the egg was created where the sunrays always fall. The egg hatched after thousand of years, as the fetching named herself as Y/N also known as Y/N cookie. The last note from the elder provided the information for the revival of the once great clan, for that purpose she has to explore and find forth mystical blazing five fire pearls. These mystical Pearls said to be the tears of the first divine ancestral phoenix born from collision of the thousand planets, after the ancestor fall the clan began to decline. So one by one, Y/N cookie managed to collect four fire pearls blue,green, yellow and red as the whereabouts of the last pearl was unknown but she managed to hear rumors of mysterious purple gem hidden in dark cacao kingdom. You knew about the legend of five ancient heros chosen by the soul jams, but you only heard about dark cacao cookie infamous of being stoic, serious cold and strict nobody has ever taken out his softer side of his nobody ever did as he rarely took it out.

So you decided to take a gamble by applying for the maid job being offered by the king himself. And after few days letter of requirement has arrived which you gave triumph cry, you ready yourself hiding your phoenix features dressing yourself neatly. On your first day, you were given a post to wash dirty clothes of the warriors during those days you struggle in tough chores, had to face typical maids bullying but that didn't remove the kindle flames of determination inside you, as burning in determination to complete your task unknown to you a sudden presence was spying on you within the darkness chuckle to yourself before disappearing. During night you accidentally tried to sneak inside the kings chambers to see the rare purple gem, but due to your bad luck a dirty rag clasp on your head as sea of unconscious captured your mind. After several hours, you woke up chained to the hard metal as soft clasp could be heard you in drippy state look around your surroundings only to see in a cage as the features tried so hard not to be judged were exposed. Your eyes filled with tears clasping on your beautiful face, heart thumping in fear, loneness especially phobia of dark. Suddenly within the dark three pair of glowing slit eyes look at you one dark bloody crimson, one magenta and the other tulip purple eyes as you managed to recognized the purple one as it seems to be the royal trait of the king himself.

" Hahaha well well 'clapping' looks like your in tight situation my dear Birdy that kimono looks good on you my ' dearest maid'"

His tone was more sickening sweet as viper coil around your dough ready to take a bite, he revealing himself really shocked you because you never heard nor seen him believing the king was a loner. The king sees your confused expression rolled his eyes replies with gruff hoarse voice " no that's not what your thinking maid, this useless cookie here is my biological brother not lover".

The unknown cookie made a disgusted expression and pose he gruff said " ewww who wants to be you, if I had type of girlfriend like you I would burf in disgust". Dark cacao cookie tempted to punch his arrogant face but he didn't want to startled you so he drank it all up. Suddenly another cookie showed himself from the shadows as he was illegal copy of dark cacao cookie himself but with more white hair and black streaks along with dragon features as his blood crimson eyes with black slits glows with unholy desires. He gave a toothy grin circle around the cage poking her dough turned towards his brothers" I guess you weren't that useless after all".

Demonos Cacao cookie really wanted to rip that smug grin from his face but he grip inside that temptation. He growls in annoyance really pissed off as dark cacao cookie replies " you really wanted to piss me off don't you elder brother". The said brother ignoring him turned his attention to frightened you, clutching your whole body to yourself shivering in fear in stutter voice" pleas.....e pleas....e don't hurt me I really didn't want to steal your soul jam I promise".

Dark cacao cookie interigued said " I wasn't mad about stealing my soul jam besides I.... Emm we didn't impression you here for charges of theft". Hearing from the kings mouth your eyes brightened in relief said " really, are you going to set me free?". The three brothers look at each other before giving a devilish smirk " of course young lady your free to go". As dark cacao cookie opened the cage setting you free, flapping your wings bowing in gesture of gratitude " thank you so much..... I?" Suddenly she felt wobbly as her whole dough felt soggy falling to her knees with wide eyes look at the smirking three brothers in fear asked " why what did you just do?". Demonos Cacao cookie smiles " my brother said that your free of charge of theft but he didn't said your free to leave this kingdom hahah as he laughs with hint of obsession in his eyes continues " your too cute to been set free, it said that birds without it's wings will lost its freedom". His magenta eyes falls on your beautiful wings while you shudder in fear your whole body, dough was screaming at you leave this hell this place ran far away from these monsters but due to paralysis effects you couldn't move an inch. Suddenly a breath from behind hit your cheek said " you wouldn't be needing these anymore". As sounds of being ripped as it felt like flesh and bones are forcefully ripped from the body. You scream in pain before falling on the stone cold ground as tears pools from your eyes, look up to see your shredded beautiful wings soaked in strawberry jam in the hands of the king of a monster with menacing smile seems to please with his action. Before falling unconscious you saw the manipulative and please smile of the elder brother himself hearing his dark soothing voice " Oh! Don't worry my dear phoenix, we will take good 'care' of you hahaha".

You mumble as the abyss of unconscious grasping your mind " You psycho monsters". At last your now had fallen into the claws of the three kidnappers and they wouldn't be letting you go anywhere, as the freedom you held so dear has been now caged due to your ignorance and arrogance.

I forgotten to add her

[elite-four-grimsley]

Hi, Mun I've been meaning to asks for advice in how to write Grimsley ? and What are your hcs for him ?

//OOC: HI HI HELLO HI!! I have a LOT of Grimsley thoughts and HCs (I mean A LOT) so buckle up because I have been enabled and I am FULL of ADHD. Seriously, this is extremely long. I’m so sorry.

((General trigger warning for themes of gambling, addiction to gambling, and underage gambling as well as child abuse and child neglect.))

A majority of these hcs are what I stick to when writing my interpretation of Grimsley on this blog, however it can sometimes be hard to include or stick to all of them based on how an RP blog plays out in the long run. 

However, all of these are what I generally subscribe to unless said otherwise.

Childhood and Backstory:

I tend to write Grimsley with a Galarian background, both of his parents coming from Galar and having moved to Unova before he was born. Since we really only have the vague idea of Grimsley being the "son of a distinguished family that fell into ruin", I basically took that concept and ran with it. 

In my canon, Grimsley's father (HC name: Atticus) was born into a wealthy Galarian family (who may or may not have been involved in some Not So Legal things). Whereas Grimsley's mother (HC name: Morticia), who was not as "well off", seeks to potentially marry rich due to her poor upbringing and lack of familial support. 

I haven’t decided on many of the details of how exactly Atticus and Morticia meet, however once they do, they hit it off pretty well and don’t waste much time getting married for both their sakes (Atticus wanting to produce a proper heir and Morticia needing the financial support). Their marriage at first, while perhaps not rooted in romantic love, is generally stable. 

Unfortunately, Grimsley's father eventually falls into bankruptcy only a year or so after getting married. This was likely caused by poor financial decisions coupled with falling into trouble with shady individuals. Of course the family name wouldn’t have the best reputation in Galar as a result of this, so Atticus and a pregnant Morticia make a run for it to Unova for a fresh start. 

Growing up, Grimsley had a rocky relationship with both of his parents. 

His father had grown bitter and greedy in his attempts to salvage the family name and make back his fortune (of course, in ways that were not always legal). His focus would turn to Grimsley, seeking to make his son into an even better businessman than even himself. However, Grimsley was infinitely uninterested in his father’s teachings. He was moreso fixated on battling and Pokemon, specifically Dark type Pokémon. Because of this, Atticus wouldn’t allow Grimsley to consume any media surrounding his topics of interest. This would only be the beginning of the rift between him and his father. It wouldn’t take much time for Grimsley to begin fearing Atticus. 

As Grimsley’s father became more outright abusive, he would begin to use his ace Pokémon, Malamar, as an intimidation tactic to get Grimsley (and Morticia) to do what he wanted. In instances where young Grimsley had come across information that Atticus didn’t want him knowing (regarding illegal activity), he would make his Malamar use its psychic abilities to meddle with his memory. Because of these experiences, present day Grimsley has a slight phobia of Malamar and feels uncomfortable around them. 

Here’s a post that accurately displays Grimsley’s relationship with his father. ((TW for child abuse))

Grimsley’s relationship with his mother was better, considering the circumstances. Morticia was definitely not exempt from Atticus’ control, so she often wasn’t allowed/was too afraid to treat her son how truly she wanted. Even then, she did her best to teach Grimsley skills she thought to be important. The two of them would play strategy games together, like chess, with an emphasis on thinking outside the box when stuck in seemingly “hopeless” situations. Grimsley looks back fondly on how his mother valued those skills and passed them down to him. He also cherishes the moments in which Atticus was absent so he and Morticia could truly bond as a mother and son.

Here’s a post I made that gives an idea of what I think young Grimsley's relationship was like with his mother. ((TW for implied abuse))

Unfortunately, a particularly bad experience with both his parents would be the final straw for Grimsley and at the age of eleven, he would run from home. 

Here's a look into the aftermath of that. ((TW for implied abuse))

From then on begins his "Pokémon Journey" of sorts, meeting young Marshal, Caitlin, Shauntal, and his Pokémon along the way. I don’t have as many details about this as I would like at the moment, however I eventually would like to write a series of fics detailing Grimsley and his Pokémon Journey. 

I do, however, have a post on how I think Marshal and Grimsley met as children.

I also have a few assorted headcanons for "Pre-Elite Four" Grimsley: 

-Grimsley used to have a Galarian (British) accent as a child, but would eventually grow out of it as he grew up away from his parents. 

-Shauntal helped Grimsley dye his hair blue for the first time when he was around fourteen. (Shauntal being more experienced with dyeing hair as she's a few years older.)

-Grimsley's battling style used to be more brute force/aggression focused before becoming an Elite Four member. He would then begin to prioritize strategy. 

-Before he was old enough to legally gamble in Unova (hcing that age to be 18 instead of 21), Grimsley would often sneak into shady, back-alley casinos to partake in gambling. This, of course, is where his gambling addiction would start 

-As Grimsley grew into an older teen, he would develop into quite the "rebel". The others (meaning Marshal, Caitlin, and Shauntal) would take notice of him getting into trouble on a regular basis (sometimes with the law), but he would ignore their concern, only turning a new leaf when attempting to join the Pokémon League. (Post on Grimsley talking about joining said league.) 

-Grimsley originally lied on all his application documents in order to get a chance at joining the Pokémon League. This was because he had a criminal record at that point (likely having just turned 20). After he was chosen to start the process of becoming an Elite Four Member, Alder was made aware of Grimsley's record, however since he was such an impressive trainer, they erased his criminal record. 

Elite Four Era:

Grimsley, Marshal, Shauntal, and Caitlin all became Elite Four members generally at the same time. I don’t want to get into how that may be unrealistic. All of them joining around the same time makes more sense to my brain. 

The four of them swiftly garnered a reputation as some of the strongest Elite Four members to date. 

Of course, with fame, comes a lack of privacy. This would become somewhat of a problem for Grimsley when his gambling habits inevitably piqued the interest of the public eye. News of his addiction took the region by storm, and because of this, Grimsley would develop a habit of making light of his problems (more than he already would). He will often deny anything claiming he has an addiction, calling it a hobby instead. 

Grimsley became a popular topic amongst news articles and gossip tabloids, new rumors about him spreading what seemed to be every week. (A favorite rumor being that he’s actually a vampire.)

As an Elite Four member, Grimsley became less of a rebel, instead adopting a persona that was/is much more charismatic and personable. He aims to come off as someone charming rather than someone who actively seeks trouble. Despite this, he will still find himself in troublesome situations… Not that he does himself many favors as he has a habit of wandering cities and forests during the nights he’s not out gambling. I feel it’s important to note that, at heart, Grimsley is a risk-taker and has an inclination to disregard his own wellbeing. 

Grimsley, despite wanting to come off as the opposite, has a bit of a hard time connecting with people in a genuine way. The other Elite Four members would be his only real friends for a while, and even then, they’re used to his antics in ways not many people are/will ever be able to be. Eventually he will become friendly with more people, but even then, he isn’t particularly close with many of the Unova League members. Along with this, people have a habit of judging Grimsley too quickly before allowing him the room to open up. 

Other than the Team Plasma situations happening during Grimsley’s time as an Elite Four member, there isn’t much else to note here. I feel that his battling style changing/improving, his gambling addiction, his troubles with rumors and tabloids, and his developing relationships (which I will touch on later) are the most significant things to take note when writing Elite Four era Grimsley. 

Alola Era: 

While in his official artwork it is said that only two years have passed since seeing Grimsley in previous games, I feel he’s instead somewhere in his thirties (his Elite Four years taking place throughout his twenties). This gives more room for him to look as physically aged as he does in Pokémon SM/USUM. Though, I do believe Grimsley began greying in his twenties due to stress. 

Because of this specific dialogue: “"Sometimes you have to lay everything on the line in life, and risk it all... When I did that, though, I'm afraid I lost. I took to walking along the shore in my despair.” We’re led to believe that Grimsley’s gambling finally bit him in the ass. However my interpretation of Alolan Grimsley changes depending on what relationships I write for him. 

In an instance where Grimsley does not have a romantic partner pre-Alola, I typically stick with the concept of him gambling away most of his money and ultimately becoming bankrupt. Consumed by despair and in a moment of impulsivity, he resigns from his position as an Elite Four member and runs off to Alola without a single word. 

While in Alola, he finds a new passion in riding his Sharpedo and in Mantine surfing. We know he makes quite a name for himself while surfing under the name “Big G”. I do think it takes a bit for Grimsley to truly want to battle again, but once he does, he’s invited to fight at the Battle Tree, healing his love/passion for battling along the way. 

However, in an instance where Grimsley has an established romantic relationship during his time in Unova, I’m inclined to drift from canon. Rather than going bankrupt due to his gambling addiction, I tend to write that he’s instead retired because of burnout/stress/etc. He then moves with his partner to Alola where he discovers a passion for Mantine surfing, gets through his burnout, and ultimately joins the Battle Tree. I’ll touch more on Grimsley regarding romance in a bit. 

Relationships: 

Hcs and thoughts regarding important relationships that have lasting/significant impacts on Grimsley.

Marshal: 

-Marshal and Grimsley have a very unique rivalry to me. They certainly consider each other to be best friends (likely the first person Grimsley felt such a way about), however their friendship does not get in the way of the two of them butting heads and competing against each other in the way many pokerivals do. 

-Marshal is not as competitive as Grimsley is, but when put together, the two of them fuel the hell out of each other’s competitiveness. They have a running tally on how many times they've won against each other during sparring matches.

-Marshal is Grimsley’s favorite person to play pranks on. Not only because of how gullible he can be, but also because Marshal has the most dramatic/ver the top reactions. 

-(Side hc: Marshal can’t handle scary things/horror very well, so Grimsley will take advantage of this often. Of course, in an ultimately lighthearted way.)

-I do like to include within my own writing that Marshal has/had a crush on Grimsley. Whether or not this is a requited or unrequited crush is up to your own personal preference. I could go either way as a multi-shipper, but in my current canon, Marshal’s crush was unrequited. This, however, did not affect their friendship negatively. They likely became closer because of it.

Shauntal: 

-I very much enjoy the concept of Shauntal being very caring and acting as a bit of an older sister figure to Grimsley. I don’t ever tend to ship them, since Shauntal is a lesbian to me, this is just a personal preference though. 

-Despite being the oldest of the group, Shauntal absolutely loves getting into mischief with Grimsley. The two of them are partners in crime for sure, no one is safe from their antics. 

-Grimsley and Shauntal have a lot of similar interests outside of battling as well. Both of them enjoy horror genres in media, dabble in gothic fashion, like the same music, etc. (I may go as far as to say Shauntal may have been a bit of an inspiration for a younger Grimsley when it came to fashion.)

-Grimsley has read/owns all of Shauntal’s novels. He’s also her prime subject to dump all her ideas onto when planning out a new book. 

Caitlin:

-Caitlin overall isn’t particularly talkative. I hc her to have narcolepsy and autism, which affects her in a multitude of ways. Grimsley, along with Shauntal and Marshal, are all her biggest supporters. They’re extremely comfortable in adapting to Caitlin’s disabilities, it’s completely natural to them at this point. 

-Quality time with Caitlin will often just be allowing her to rest in one’s company, which is exactly what Grimsley allows her to do. He also enjoys hearing about any dreams she’s had as of recent, finding her prophetic abilities to be rather fascinating. 

-Caitlin is freakishly good at all of Grimsley’s favorite card games (unless she falls asleep), which Grimsley is quite the sore loser about. He claims it’s cheating because she can "see the future". She has neither confirmed nor denied this. 

-I also do not tend to ship Caitlin with Grimsley since she’s also a lesbian to me. This is another personal preference, however. 

-(Side hc: Caitlin is transgender mtf in my canon, and the other E4 members have supported her throughout her transition since they were children.)

Iris:

-Before Iris became Champion, Grimsley thought himself to be extremely bad around children. Not only because he views himself as a bad example, but also due to the trauma he has surrounding his own childhood. He doesn’t want to end up like his father and put another child through what he went through. 

-However, Iris almost immediately won his heart with her bubbly and excitable personality. I think this is what started Grimsley’s embracing his “uncle” type role, literally or not.

-Iris absolutely loves spending time with all the Elite Four members. Along with sparring with them, she also enjoys painting their nails, doing their hair (and vice versa), going out exploring looking for dragons, etc. 

-Though Grimsley isn’t as bad of an influence as he originally believed himself to be, he does get into trouble sometimes by teaching Iris gambling card games. 

Piers and Marnie:

-I almost always will subscribe to the idea that Grimsley is Piers’ and Marnie’s uncle. However, it does depend on what I’m writing when I’m deciding on when Grimsley figures out that he’s related to the two of them.

-In some instances I would have it already established like he’d known such information for a while. In other cases, I’ll write it as a big reveal of them figuring it out one way or the other. Either way, I don’t have a set way I’d write it every single time, so that’s up to the writer. 

-Grimsley’s relationship with Piers is pretty relaxed, especially since he’s older and would rather his uncle’s attention be on Marnie. However, this doesn’t mean the two of them don’t get along. They enjoy discussing Dark types and battle strategies together. They’re also both quite sarcastic, and their sarcasm will feed off each other. 

-With Marnie, Grimsley will “coddle” her a bit more. He’s very enthusiastic about her up and coming career as a Gym Leader and loves giving her battling advice. He’s very much inclined to spoil her with whatever she wants, embracing the title of the “fun uncle”. His enthusiasm for her will carry on even in his Alola era. 

Burgh:

-Now Burgh/Grimsley is very much a rarepair, however it is my favorite ship for Grimsley. I’m aware there’s a lot of more popular ships for Grimsley, so if you’d like, you can take this as general advice for writing him in a romantic relationship when applicable. 

-Burgh became Gym Leader around the same time that Grimsley became an Elite Four member, and this is how they would ultimately meet (through the Pokemon League). 

-The two of them would take a mutual interest in each other, finding the other to be intriguing along with being physically attractive. 

-Burgh and Grimsley strike up a friendship due to their passion for battling/Pokémon, advocating for stigmatized Pokémon types (Burgh with Bug types and Grimsley with Dark types), and just how well they bounce off each other and connect. 

-I don’t have one set way in which I write them officially getting together, though I do think it would always be in more of a private setting since Grimsley and Burgh both value privacy when it comes to the emotional aspects of their lives. 

-As the two of them grow closer, they’ll slowly drop their respective facades. Grimsley will allow himself to be more vulnerable and open up about his problems (namely his gambling addiction). His lesser known, softer side, makes itself known the more comfortable he becomes with Burgh. 

-Grimsley loves pet names, but Burgh loves them even more. While Grimsley will often have a set amount of go-to pet names (love, dear, darling), the sky’s the limit for Burgh. Every day it seems as if he comes up with a newer, more absurd pet name for Grimsley. Burgh thinks it’s hilarious, Grimsley thinks it’s extremely endearing. 

-Grimsley is generally very dramatic, moreso in the sense of being sarcastic and sometimes a bit mean-spirited. He’s overly dramatic with how he presents his sarcasm because he finds it personally funny. He’s dramatic in his mannerisms so he comes off as more likeable, attention catching, and charismatic. In contrast, Burgh is more dramatic in an artistic sense. He'll swoon over a piece of art or a bug because he finds it so stunningly beautiful. Though, he definitely does it for show as well, especially with Grimsley. It might look like: "Whateverrrr will I do if my dear Grimsley doesn't give me attention right this second!!!" He doesn't mean it seriously, but he thinks it’s silly and Grimsley finds it adorable. 

-Grimsley has a habit of laying on top of Burgh in a very catlike way. He’s definitely the one to occupy Burgh’s lap or dramatically flop on top of him and go limp. 

-I love the concept of Grimsley being a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart. He craves for that cliche romance when it comes to his relationships. Expect a lot of dates, cooing adoration, and romantic displays of affection. 

-Grimsley is the one to steal Burgh’s clothes. (I hc Burgh to be taller and bigger.)

-I’m a big advocate for Burgh being someone who helps Grimsley begin his recovery as a gambling addict. I think both Burgh’s encouragement, along with Grimsley’s desire to want to improve for Burgh, are things that help with this. Of course, he doesn’t recover overnight. It’s very much a gradual process, but a process nonetheless. This is why I believe Alolan Grimsley would not go bankrupt if he has a romantic partner before SM/USUM. 

-This isn’t to say that Grimsley wouldn’t/couldn’t improve due to platonic relationships. In fact I think he was much better off because to his friendships. However, I very much believe that Grimsley committing to a romantic relationship is a big step in it of itself since he’s very flighty in the first place. This romantic connection and commitment then allows him to open up and begin recovering from his addiction. (This can absolutely be translated into something like a QPR if desired. This is just how I personally write Grimsley.)

((Here are some other Grimsley ships that I would like to shout out: Marshal/Grimsley, Will/Grimsley, Will/Karen/Grimsley, Nanu/Grimsley, Cynthia/Grimsley.))

((I also would like to note there’s several other characters that my current Grimsley muse has interacted with and established friendships with. However, they’re very much specific to this roleplay blog, therefore I did not include them.))

Assorted HCs and Writing Tips: 

-When I write Grimsley, I tend to make him much more theatrical and dramatic than any ingame dialogue portrays him. I love the idea of him being extremely petty, overdramatic, and sarcastic. Essentially I’m attempting to convey the vibes of someone who’s a disaster on the inside and wants to come across as charming/funny/charismatic on the outside. (This behavior mellows out quite a bit once he’s in his Alola era, acting more tired and a tad more genuine.)

-Grimsley is the least responsible out of the Elite Four. He is by no means a bad friend or person, and obviously he’s very clever and smart, though he does have a knack for disappearing without saying anything only to show up hours later. He's mischievous at his core with a love for pulling elaborate (but mostly harmless) pranks on the others (with the help of Shauntal). 

-I’m a firm believer that Grimsley is an awfully sore loser. He doesn’t lose often in battle, but when he does, he’s extremely dramatic (especially in his expressions, see: Alolan Grimsley). I do think that in Alola he’s more outright with his dramatic losses, while in Unova he’s able to behave himself for official battles. 

-Grimsley prefers card games when gambling as opposed to something like a slot machine. He thinks slot machines are too luck-based and don't include enough skill/strategy. He’ll also play tabletop games like roulette. 

-When writing Grimsley’s mannerisms and behaviors, I like to base a lot of them off how cats act. This includes things like walking like a cat (with care and thought… most of the time), him slow blinking when around people he loves (cats do this, look it up), and sprawling out in random spots to nap. I’ve also given him a lot of catlike traits in general, such as his eyes glowing in the dark, the ability to purr, etc. This is entirely optional, but I just think these things fit him.

-I do think Grimsley struggles with insomnia. This leads to a lot of sleepless nights along with a lot of spontaneous naps throughout the day. I also like adding the detail of Grimsley finding it easier to fall asleep when sleeping with a romantic partner (namely Burgh). 

-Grimsley’s hair is completely natural, aside from the blue color, which he regularly dyes up to when he retires. He starts greying early around his temples and sideburns, which I mentioned earlier. 

-He absolutely spoils his Pokemon. His Liepard is the most spoiled (because it wants the most attention in the first place), but all his Pokemon are as spoiled as much as they want to be. 

-I will often subscribe to the hc that Grimsley has an irrational phobia of Bug type Pokemon. Not only do I think this makes his relationship developing with Burgh very interesting, but I love the idea of Burgh helping him get over his fear as well. Since it’s irrational, this means that he doesn’t have any sort of trauma that makes him afraid of the typing. I don’t like making Grimsley hateful toward Bug types or any other types either, as he’s an advocate for stigmatized types already and that’d be extremely hypocritical of him. 

-I like making it so that Grimsley’s personal style is gothic. I also think he’s very particular about being called things like “emo” or “punk” and will correct people on the terminology. He has a habit of dressing very formally, even to events that are casual. To him, a button up and neatly ironed slacks is casual. 

-One of my more personal/projected hcs is the fact that I’ve given my interpretation of Grimsley both ADHD and anxiety. Though I do have some in depth reasons for these decisions as well. People with ADHD have a hard time setting aside time and focusing on topics that they have no interest in, which is why Grimsley was so disinterested in things his father would attempt to teach him. He was very much fixated on competitive battling and Dark type Pokémon. Also, people with ADHD have a predisposition to addictions. This would also correspond with his gambling addiction (and his somewhat of an addiction to risk-taking, especially as a teen). I’ve also given Grimsley a few fidgets that are his go-to’s, such as: flipping his coin, shaking his leg, and shuffling cards. As for the anxiety aspect, I believe he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his self image and how people perceive him. He wants to be perceived a certain way and will often become anxious if he feels like he isn’t. 

-Because we see Grimsley become a talented Mantine surfer, I like adding the detail that he enjoys water-based sports even before he’s gone to Alola. This is why he ends up finding such a passion for surfing. He doesn’t do many sports aside from that. 

-Grimsley is very crow-brained and likes collecting things and giving items to people he likes as a show of affection. He has a playing card and coin collection, however the coin we see with him the most is his favorite/lucky coin. 

-As mentioned before, Grimsley likes the horror genre, though he mostly goes for classic horror. He enjoys the shitty movies that no one would expect him to actually enjoy. He also likes musicals like Phantom of the Opera, Little Shop of Horrors. He’s essentially a theater kid who never did theater.

-I like writing Grimsley with a pretty flirtatious personality. He certainly wouldn’t have much trouble flirting with strangers he’d meet at casinos, however I do think he’s an absolute mess when attempting to talk to someone he knows and has a genuine crush on. Please don’t go to him for romantic advice, he’s an absolute mess.

AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS!! Thank you if you've actually read this far. I know this is way longer than what's probably appropriate, however I am so extremely neurodivergent. Don't mind any typos you might find, I tried my best to catch them all.

Here's my Grimsley playlist as a present <3

[lazerv4]

Thoughts on Total Forgiveness

Just my raw thoughts not a review or anything

Total Forgiveness starts with Ally Beardsley and Grant O’Brian pitching the show they are about to embark on to Sam Reich their at the time President of Original Content at CollegeHumor (now CEO of Dropout). The pitch is simple, student debt is a cripplying problem and they came up with the accordion method, what if instead of many years of suffering under their loans they could instead make the suffering happen in 4 months and pay their debt as they gamble on challenges between the two of them for money which the show would award weekly. Sam hesitates but greenlights the show much to the delight of Grant and Ally who get right to work on the first challenges which end up being Grant has to interview a lawyer specializing on student debt while covered in leeches and Ally has to interview an ex partner about what went wrong while they eat the spiciest food Grant can find. Afterwards we see the actual challenges go through as Grant does his assigned interview while bleeding profusely and Ally has what can only be derived as a cringe nightmare of an experience with their ex eating thai so spicy they almost throw up, then when they are both done we see them together, they both look like they’ve been through hell and that is just the first episode.

Episode 2 begins a little bit meaner with Ally getting an Oompa Loompa makeover and getting their driver’s license renovated while Grant wears a dog shock collar for barking the entire day which leads to him spending the day mute, this is where we start to see the main dynamics of the show develop with Ally embracing the horribleness and Grant trying his best to have fun with it but struggling a bit.

Episode 3 is a kinder episode to Grant with him simply going camping which apparently he hates, meanwhile Ally is buried alive for an entire day in a sort of sensory deprivation coffin while they are still in the office.

Episode 4 meanwhile has Grant performing a cringe inducing stand up show purposely sabotaged to be terrible with the caveat that if a joke doesn't land he has to say “it’s all love” which just makes it so much worse, on the flipside Ally has to publish an excerpt from their teenage diary, a move which severely backfires on Grant as it seems like a growing experience for Ally that improved them as a person all things considered, no suffering all money.

At this point not a single point has been lost and both Ally and Grant are giving their all to the challenges and still enjoying themselves to some extent since the point of the show is to compress suffering they do struggle but nothing too bad has happened yet, this is where that begins to change.

Episode 5 is one of the hardest things I’ve had to sit through. Grant gets the challenge of being locked in his studio apartment with 8 family members for a weekend which while I’m sure it was a nightmare, it doesn’t translate to tv. All’s challenge this week was to sing the United States national anthem at a minor league baseball game and to make it way worse, they apparently don’t even know the lyrics so they completely fucked it up and even have a random laugh in the middle of it, it’s the sort of horrible second hand embarrassment that is legitimately hard to endure and I have seen some people say this and another upcoming Ally challenge are borderline unwatchable because it’s just too cringe, but if you can get through it the series has more for you.

Episode 6 is the phobia episode where Grant must face needles and Ally must face snakes, for Grant he just has to inject himself so B12 with the alleged most painful needle which he does albeit it leads to one of my favorite gags when he says “I’ll be fine in 5 minutes” after he pulls the needle out only for the show to cut to him having a full panic attack with an oxygen mask. Grant won his challenge and valiantly faced his fear but as for Ally, well things would go different for them. Ally’s challenge involved that some night, any night at all, Grant would come in with a live snake and Ally would have to sleep with it on their bed. While Ally had been a very ambitious and fun loving contestant, this broke something and they just completely refused to engage with the snake and complete the challenge leading to the first loss and the domino effect which would shape the series into what it became.

Episode 7 is where challenges start to get unreasonable, with almost 4000 dollars on the line this contest had to get difficult so both Ally and Grant came up with this, Grant wanted Ally to spend their whole week piss drunk which at first Ally enjoyed and it annoyed everyone else but quickly it started getting to them and by the end of the week you can see their health suffer because of it and the remnants of a broken person just trying to finish the last day to claim the win, while Grant broke Ally’s body their mind seems unbreakable. As for Grant, Ally came up with a really strange and complicated challenge, basically Grant had to get an erection with no stimulation while being timed which ended in a really bizarre contraption so this could be shown without well showing Grant’s genitals. This challenge has been often called unreasonable and impossible by many people and to an extent it is but Grant still accepted it and attempted it as hard as he could, an attempt that proved unsuccessful leading to his first loss of the show.

As of now Grant has earned $10750 while Ally has $13250, as the gap starts to widen so do the challenges as the series starts to lead to it’s climax.

Episode 8 is the real turning point of the series with Ally getting the other famously cringe and unwatchable challenge in having to become a herbalife shill to her new roommates and do unreasonable actions Grant assigns via an earpiece to try and make them quit but their will somehow remained strong which showed how much fun Ally was having with this whole show as the chaotic person they are, meanwhile Grant was having a rough time. Ally’s challenge to Grant was to sell all his earthly possessions at a flea market and try to earn a thousand dollars which a some points seems maybe doable but very quickly while Grant still doesn’t realize it, it’s very clear to the viewer and to the crew that Grant won’t be able to accomplish this. He leaves this challenge defeated and returns to his empty apartment with now nothing to his name except around $600, not only did he lose the challenge but he also lost everything he had, this is where we first start to see how this show has damaged Grant and Ally’s friendship and also emotionally damaged Grant who seems barely still holding it together by the end of the episode which leads you wonder, how can this escalate further?

Episode 9 got mean, Grant challenged Ally to get a neck tattoo with the name of their new girlfriend who they've been dating for 2 months while Ally challenged Grant to shit in public as performance art (again his genitals are covered but chest up everyone can see him). The challenges this week feel very mean spirited and with Ally now being up $24250 to Grant’s $10750 things are heating up and they are starting to feel more like bitter rivals than loving friends doing a dumb show together. Going with Ally first while Sam seems hesitant to approve this challenge Ally wants to do it and still seems have fun with it as a big dumb joke even if it’s their first tattoo it’s just a gag to them and they don’t mind the embarrassment with them even bringing said gf to the parlor so they can watch the tattoo be made. Meanwhile Grant struggles, even before the exhibition opens we can already see he is stressed and uncomfortable, he doesn’t seem like he wants to do it but the money is too life changing to not go through with it so he presses on, he is notified that when he is done he can pull a string that will drop confetti to signify he has completed the challenge and so he gets on the toilet in front of a lot of people. The atmosphere is not tense, it’s closer to something sad and depressing, something akin to the feeling of exploiting someone and when Grant pulls the string and the confetti falls, you can’t help but feel awful, a big thing through this episode has been Siobhan (another dropout cast member) giving some advice to Grant and Ally separately about how to mend what they are breaking and she stays as everyone leaves to speak with Ally as Grant angrily prepares to go home. As Ally approaches to tell Grant everyone was an extra, the mood is again tense, he just replies he is “done for the day” and that it was “funny” as he just walks away checking with the crew really quick to see if he can leave and then just exiting the building silently. This episode seemed to be the tipping point for Grant and what would have ended their friendship with Ally as even with this the gap just widened and made everything seem worse and worse while making each other more antagonistic towards the other that while Ally had been taking as dumb fun, they had now realized was hurting Grant and something had to be done if this friendship was gonna survive this show, let alone a 10th episode.

Episode 10 is just titled “Finale” with no allusion to the challenges like all the previous episodes so you go on not exactly knowing what to expect. It begins with other dropout cast members talking about the strain this show has had on Ally and Grant before going into the challenge pitching part of the show where Ally is alone with the production crew struggling to even come up with something until they says they have a pitch and the show cuts to Grant alone with the crew as well, they try to check on Grant to see if he is ok and he clarifies he doesn’t blame anyone and he is not the victim of the show but he is struggling. He is not sure what to pitch except something horrible and life changing so he is gonna go through Ally’s challenge first, cut to Jess and Katie (dropout cast members) in Santa Monica, they have a letter for Grant that Ally wrote the challenge is just to enjoy the day at the beach with his friends while wearing a dumb outfit and to decompress the show a bit to see if maybe he has it in him to forgive them. The show cuts to a montage of Grant having fun for his $10k prize just hanging in the pier and doing dumb stuff with Jess and Katie.The mood is so different, so fun and afterwards Grant talks a bit about what the show has done to their friendship and how he is regretful Ally couldn’t be there with them before announcing he now knows what his challenge is and shot fades. We start the scene in a bar called “State Social House” that same night as Grant and Ally meet in the empty bar and Grant reveals the challenge is to have 3 mezcals with him, while they begin drinking they also talk about their sentiments regarding what the money has done to their friendship, the reminique about what they've been through and what living with debt has done to them, how they hope to remain friends after this and even hopefully for the rest of their lives as they approach the third drink to which Ally comments about prompting Grant (a seasoned bartender) to want to smell and check it’s profile, this leads Ally to telling Grant to just drink it and take the $10k and to make the gap smaller to which Grant replies that he can’t accept that, at this point Ally has made their choice so they drop the mezcal on the floor on the most shocking moment on the entire show. What is next is just pure friendship and love for the people around you. Grant starts crying and they hug in the sweetest moment in the show, this is the moment that turned around the show according to Sam in a “episode 11” interview. The show then cuts to Grant paying one of his loans and he becomes able to finally be able to start paying his loans instead of just interest, Ally also talks about their loan consolidation as the show begins to wrap and we get the final scene with is a small dinner they set up and the talk about everything they learned about loans and how they are designed to make people’s life worse before the show ends with a toast to it’s history and a tally of the remaining debt before finally saying goodbye one last time.

Total Forgiveness did eventually get a reunion episode 11 sort of podcast thing but that is mainly talking behind the scenes about how of the rails the show went and how it was almost cancelled before the final episode essentially redeemed the whole thing from feeling like like a dystopian torture system as well as how Ally and Grant expected Jackass but got something much deeper, something about the effects of debt on people, something like most of dropout special. Total Forgiveness may not be for everyone, it can be a hard show to sit through, but for those able to go through with it the way it develops as an allegory for its own themes is fantastic and beautiful and in some ways the only example of prestige reality tv I can think of. It is truly one of a kind and a beautiful little show that can’t and shouldn’t be replicated, it should stand as a monolith and be cherished for all it accomplished in showing the struggles of debt. Ally and Grant did something incredible that would only be possible at a platform like dropout and with how the show turned out and how it stands along with other titans at dropout they should be proud.

[ohgodimafraud]

hey, thank you so much for engaging with sickromancer’s totally weird responses to the “drama”/“discourse” about… uh… vulnerable chronically ill people daring to discuss traumatic experiences during a pandemic! I really liked their writing, but a while back they posted this, so… not shocking that they don’t actually know the difference between Hot Fantasy Contagion and Hot IRL Indifference

https://www.tumblr.com/sickromancer/748033970277580800/as-being-a-contagion-lover-who-is-a-germaphobe-irl?source=share

listen im not into cancel culture or whatever. i think i'd like to clarify my thoughts one more time tho.

if i disagree with something strongly enough ill say it. i think taking care to keep others and yourself safe is important and ik how serious it is now. covid can disable healthy people and with each reinfection that risk increases. thats not me fear mongering, thats ive read this and have had it 3 times and each time has been worse. it's a real gamble bc you dont know how your body will react to it. theres one client i have who is immunocompromised and every time i enter the home i wear a mask and they wear a mask and there are air filters on and genuinely it's the only place ive felt consistently safe in the past year outside of my own home.

we're all shaped by our own experiences and i sympathize w her situation like my family friends grew up with a parent with extreme untreated ocd and theyd be hours late to everything if like the toilet paper touched the wall wrong and theyd have their own special gym equipment and all of the kids turned out different. one of them became like an anti vax incel alt right guy. i had issues w my parents growing up that im working thru and like i def am more prone to anger than the average person. taking your trauma out on other ppl isn’t okay either though

if youre sharing food or drink w friends, both of u have consented and great. partner to partner = consent. not being worried about germs is a privilege though and not being able to understand that is whats like confusing to me esp after 2020. it's not that disabled people have an irrational fear of germs it's like...survival, genuinely. and even if people do have a legit phobia why are we shaming them

also to clarify, i am not disabled unless u count asthma/probable copd (but literally i can do all my tasks so i do not) and have had so much carelessness at work including a horrible absence policy and have loved ones who are disabled. live your best lives, i think if you're sick you should try not to get random people sick on purpose and thats really my main piece idc about consensual situations or any type of fantasy.

[eriszee]

Your name is Cecili Kirska.

You’re 12 sweeps old, an indigo and a rather unassuming troll in a maid’s outfit, which just happens to be a hallmark of your cleaning business. You run the company alone and are happy in the knowledge you’re one of the best on Alternia. You don’t have a living client who said that, she actually said it before flirting with you and ended up having an accident. If you’re honest there are a lot of accidents where you’re involved. It’s not like you needed to go back after that, their hives falling into disrepair after you’ve cleaned the rather gruesome scene up. You can’t say you missed out on loyal customers, you obviously robbed them blind once their bodies hit the floor.

Obviously there’s a degree of trauma on your side. Being a violet blood’s trophy matesprit took a heavy toll on you, you were forced into shit you’d rather forget but the memories haunt you whenever you have a spare moment. As such you still beat yourself up in any and every situation. Your nickname for yourself is disappointment and you think it suits you best. At one point you had hopes of being involved in show business but before you could you ended up in a few fights, leading to heavy scarring which you refuse to talk about. Your standards for friends are very low as a subset of everything you’ve endured. You don’t care what kind of freak wants to talk to you, you wear your heart on your sleeve despite trying to keep it under wraps. You’ve been left by countless partners and friends – you often feel like this should make you colder to rejection but instead you find the absence harder and harder as every loss carried on.

You used to have grand dreams involving following your ancestor’s role in media however after finding out more about her and living life for yourself you find her disgusting. In a world of no screamed at you for daring to dream you find yourself jaded. You’re good at cleaning so you’ve opted to stick to it, there is nothing else lower for you to do in your mind. You are pretty lucky in gambling, finding the blackjack table your largest success. You often end up tripling your money from work in a single hours’ worth of gameplay. No one gets why and you’ve been the subject of bans in places for taking the casino for everything they’ve got. A night out like that is usually the only clause for you changing out of your uniform – though you do occasionally find making a troll bankrupt in a maid’s dress pretty fucking funny.

You’re finding crushes developing on a friend close to you, however you’re too nervous to say anything in fear of rejection and a loss of the friendship. Rather you hide your secrets well without realizing you’re a sylph of void. As a derse dreamer you hear heavy whispers of horror terrors, often telling you the worse outcome and how to ruin your life with little concern on how it might destroy you. Your eventual planet will be fog and illusions, a ghastly place where you can’t trust anything at all. Much like your current situation  if you’re given time to think on it. While you don’t see the dead, you do hear voices from the dark about how awful things will turn out. As such you have a phobia of the dark. You’re never alone without a flashlight, ready to blast whatever monstrosity is hiding in the dark trying to break you. As a result of all it, you find yourself incredibly pessimistic and have no intent on changing how you feel. There are no expectations so there’s no room for disappointment or despair over anything.

Your handle is phonomaniaLygophilia, you refuse to keep to one quirk and change it up depending on who you talk to based on trying to make them like you more. Your strife specibi is cleaning kind, you figured it suits your image. You used to be makeup kind but you find your current choice far more acceptable. Your lusus is a komodo dragon who you care for deeply. Your bond is incredibly strong, often bringing her with you to work in case someone tries something funny.

finally starting my trolls bios

[craftyjellyfishcat]

here at long last is Mason, a member of the police department of whatever the name of the city that Jeff and him reside in. He's also the adoptive father of Lizzie, whom he's protective of.

Age: 31 years

Occupation: Police Officer

Likes: Upholding the law, his daughter Lizzie, cats, doughnuts and honey buns, Jeff, his mama, Coffee, flowers, and meat.

Dislikes: Crooked cops, beans, his estranged father, Gambling, Criminals, Karens and Bigots.

Fears/Phobias: Ghosts

(Lizzie belongs to @hoshi-neko-hikari)

[suniverseastro]

ASTROLOGY IN MY LIFE (2)

Moon square Pluto:

Perhaps the environment around you since you were a child is full of women: like grandmothers, aunts, sisters, mothers, … who are very domineering, there is competition, a lot of mutual deception. , suspicious, demeaning, petty,.. a lot of toxic energy here

They often have very bossy actions and words and are loud at you, they feel like they are powerful people, want to dominate you, treat you as if they are superior and force you must obey

But often these older women have problems with heterosexual relationships. For example, their husband is an adulterer, or their brother doesn't get along with them (if any),… Men may disrespect them or cheat on them.

Even these women who connect and get along are not sincere and have their own purposes or have equal status but are not satisfied. They are also people who do not understand what the power of the feminine is

So children with this aspect can have great fears and phobias for women when they see the chaotic scene from the real world and then put it into their brains to process. As they will feel, women are like that, have such scary personalities, like to command, impose, don't empathize, don't help, don't share, lie,… most in many ways. The dark here causes them to lose trust and have many behaviors and emotions that explode when repressed, they can be very defensive, hostile and distrustful of women

I have this corner and when I was a child, I was very quiet, there was a feeling of silence, a chaotic mind and the desire to run away from the house with those people a lot, it was really suffocating, terrible It's horrible to see, hear, and suffer even feelings of anger without reason, of being despised, it's really tiring and scary to live with such energies.

With this angle, they are the ones who can recognize the dark spots in women as well as femininity, they see through the lies through words, expressions, attitudes, plots, calculations from others.

They distinguish between light feminine and dark feminine; who are the women who have real power inside, who just make the appearance

They also know whether it is healthy or not in an intimate relationship

They can be very protective of the women they like, love, even obsess over, they don't want any hurt to the people they love. Even obsessive, wanting to know all that goes on around them, what they do. Therefore, these people need to learn how to let their loved ones have their own space and time despite their good intentions.

They may have the ability to heal: with problems that are aware of envy, away from toxic energies, they can encourage women to develop themselves.

The weakness of this angle is that:

Repressed emotions, uncontrollable anger leading to self-destructive behaviors, ''died many times at the emotional level'', difficult to trust and easily open up to others,

Enmity, not easy to forgive and give in. If someone has treated them badly, cheated, they tend to ignore that person

Your mother may be deceived, have experiences with the dark side of alcohol, gambling, adultery, ... (or indirectly affected)

Some tips for this position:

They need to stay away from toxic energies and should be around people with positive energy

Practice mindfulness meditation, express gratitude. Journaling is a good method to help them release their emotions and stabilize their mind

Learn to love yourself, a lot of people I meet have a ''gift of psychic'', they like to learn about occultism, psychology, and spirituality with this angle.

[hauntedselves]

Steele’s Notes on Therapy and Personality Disorders

Level of motivation & readiness for therapy:

No motivation: referred by legal system or treatment is demanded by  family or work

Fantasy motivation: My therapist will fix me

External motivation: “I want to keep my job or my relationship”

Limited motivation: “I want to get better but am sure I will fail, so what is  the point of trying?”

Moderate motivation: “I want to get better, but I am scared.”

Good motivation: “I am here to work hard, even though I know it won’t be easy.”

Behavioural problems that affect prognosis:

Generally, these accompany personality accommodations

Chronic self harm

Chronic suicidality

Chronic eating problems

Addictions : substance, sex, gambling, etc.

Severe isolation

Extreme risk-taking behaviors

Violence and aggressiveness

Inability to work or function in daily life

Sociopathic behaviors: stealing, manipulation, violence, etc.

Phobic avoidance

How intense and pervasive are the phobias?

Which emotions are avoided? Why?

Which wishes/needs are avoided or conflicted?

Which dissociative parts are avoided / despised / feared?

How is relational closeness is avoided in each part?

How is relational rejection is avoided?

Particular traumatic memories that are avoided?

Ways in which change is avoided. Why?

Inner conflicts

What are the client’s core conflicts (e.g., “I want to be close: Being close is dangerous;” “I want to feel better: I don’t deserve to feel better;” “I love my father: I hate my father”)

Do not take one side or the other, but hold both for and with the client!

How does the client avoid the conflict?

What emotions, cognitions, predictions, etc. are at the heart of the conflict?

How do these conflict manifest among dissociative parts and in the therapeutic relationship?

Typical conflicts:

I want to know / I don’t want to know

It’s true / I made it up; it’s not real

Avoidance of parts

Loyalty to the perpetrator: I love him / I hate him

Avoidance of closeness / Fear of abandonment

I want to get better / Getting better means things will be worse

I want to get better / If I am better my perpetrator will not have to pay the cost

I am bad or evil / I need to be loved

I have needs / Needs are bad or stupid

I want to be known and seen / I want to hide

Defensive fantasies

These may be held in particular parts or may be held by the person as a whole. They prevent therapeutic engagement, grieving, and realization.

Someone (the therapist) will fix this / make this go away

Someone will love me unconditionally and perfectly

Someone will meet all my needs and I won’t ever have to suffer

I am completely enough for someone else; they won’t need anyone but me

Someone is completely enough for me; I won’t need anyone else

Other

From Kathy Steele’s presentation 'Integrating Personality Disorders in our Work with Complex Trauma and Dissociation' (PDF), 18 August 2021, Delphi Centre.

[Transcribed from a PowerPoint presentation without notes; therefore this post is without context]

[theoutcastrogue]

Caravaggio, chiaroscuro, and the underworld

[text by John Berger, abridged, emphasis mine]

Caravaggio was the first painter of life as experienced by the popolaccio, the people of the backstreets, les sans-culottes, the lumpenproletariat, the lower orders, those of the lower depths, the underworld. There is no word in any traditional European language which does not either denigrate or patronise the urban poor it is naming. That is power.

Following Caravaggio up to the present day, other painters – Brower, Ostade, Hogarth, Goya, Géricault, Guttuso – have painted pictures of the same social milieu. But all of them – however great – were genre pictures, painted in order to show others how the less fortunate or the more dangerous lived. With Caravaggio, however, it was not a question of presenting scenes but of seeing itself. He does not depict the underworld for others: his vision is one that he shares with it.

In art-historical books Caravaggio is listed as one of the great innovating masters of chiaroscuro and a forerunner of the light and shade later used by Rembrandt and others. For the Caravaggio who actually existed light and shade, as he imagined and saw them, had a deeply personal meaning, inextricably entwined with his desires and his instinct for survival. And it is by this, not by any art-historical logic, that his art is linked with the underworld.

“The Calling of St Matthew depicts five men sitting round their usual table, telling stories, gossiping, boasting of what one day they will do, counting money. The room is dimly lit. Suddenly the door is flung open. The two figures who enter are still part of the violent noise and light of the invasion. (Berenson wrote that Christ, who is one of the figures, comes in like a police inspector to make an arrest.)”

His chiaroscuro allowed him to banish daylight. Shadows, he felt, offered shelter as can four walls and a roof. Whatever and wherever he painted he really painted interiors. He only felt at home – no, that he felt nowhere – he only felt relatively at ease inside.

His darkness smells of candles, over-ripe melons, damp washing waiting to be hung out the next day: it is the darkness of stairwells, gambling corners, cheap lodgings, sudden encounters. And the promise is not in what will flare against it, but in the darkness itself. The shelter it offers is only relative, for the chiaroscuro reveals violence, suffering, longing, mortality, but at least it reveals them intimately. What has been banished, along with the daylight, are distance and solitude – and both these are feared by the underworld.

Those who live precariously and are habitually crowded together develop a phobia about open spaces which transforms their frustrating lack of space and privacy into something reassuring. He shared those fears.

The Cardsharps (1594). See here about the painting, and here for some of the paintings it inspired.

The underworld is full of theatre, but one that has nothing to do with either cosmic effects or ruling-class entertainment. In the daily theatre of the underworld everything is close-to and emphatic. What is being ‘played’ may any moment become ‘for real’. There is no protective space and no hierarchical focus of interest. Caravaggio was continually being criticised for exactly this – the lack of discrimination in his paintings, their overall intensity, their lack of a proper distance.

The underworld displays itself in hiding. This is the paradox of its social atmosphere and the expression of one of its deepest needs. It has its own heroes and villains, its own honour and dishonour, and these are celebrated by legends, stories, daily performances. The last are often somewhat like rehearsals for real exploits. They are scenes, created on the spur of the moment, in which people play themselves, pushed to the limit. If these ‘performances’ did not take place, the alternative moral code and honour of the underworld would be in danger of being forgotten – or, to put it better, the negative judgement, the opprobrium of the surrounding society, would advance apace.

The underworld’s survival and pride depend upon theatre, a theatre where everyone is flamboyantly playing and proving himself, and yet where an individual’s survival may well depend on his lying low or his not being seen. The consequent tension produces a special kind of expressive urgency in which gestures fill all the space available, in which a life’s desire may be expressed by a glance. This amounts to another kind of overcrowding, another kind of density.

— John Berger, Portraits: John Berger on Artists (Verso, 2015)

[prettyhennytea]

Kardashian Konfidential: Unveiling the Epic Clash of Kim and Kourtney in Season 4, Episode 1!

Get ready for another thrilling season of The Kardashians on Hulu! This famous family is back with Season 4, and they're not holding anything back. The last season ended with a major clash between Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian, and it seems like the tension is far from over.

The premiere episode titled "You're a witch and I hate you" takes us on a wild ride as the Kardashians embark on a lavish trip to Cabo without their kids. However, Kourtney decides to skip the trip despite being invited. Here are five key highlights from the Season 4 premiere that had us glued to our screens.

So....we thought we were done with the Dolce & Gabbana drama, but unfortunately it resurfaces in this episode. Kim's collaboration with the fashion house becomes an issue once again as she and Kourtney rewatch last season's edits. The sisters engage in shady side conversations and confessionals that leave them both harboring resentment.

During a phone call before the Cabo trip, Kim informs Kourtney about an upcoming D&G dinner in Milan that she will be hosting. Despite knowing her sister wouldn't want to go, Kim extends an invitation anyway. This sparks a heated debate about Kim allegedly stealing Kourtney's wedding 'vibe'. Tempers flare as they argue over originality and attention-seeking motives.

The tension escalates when Kourtney psychoanalyzes Kim's intense work ethic, accusing her of being egotistical and unale to handle someone else being in the spotlight. Things take a darker turn Kim reveals that she believes Kourtney isn't genuinely happy and even discusses her with separate group chats involving their sisters and Kourtney's friends.

This revelation pushes Kourtney further away from her family, feeling like everyone is ganging up against her, with Kim leading the charge. The explosive phone call ends with Kourtney tearfully calling Kim a 'witch' and expressing her hatred before hanging up. Kim responds stoically with a simple 'K'.

While the sisters' feud continues to simmer, Kylie Jenner steals the spotlight during the Cabo trip. Despite being usually absent from family events these days, Kylie joins them on this adventure. Her presence is celebrated by Kim's toast on the private jet, where Khloe also gives a shoutout to Kendall Jenner so she doesn't feel left out. 

Kylie's underrated star power shines as she playfully makes Khloe uncomfortable by repeatedly saying 'titties' at the dinner table. She even excuses herself from a meal to cough out phlegm in her throat, leaving everyone amused and slightly grossed out. In a confessional moment, she cheekily teases Kendall about their age difference, adding some spice to their dynamic.

Khloe opens up about her rocky 30s and how it reflects in the drama surrounding her life on the show. She emphasizes that she's focused on protecting her heart and looks forward to rebuilding herself when she turns 40 in 2024 - once Tristan Thompson moves out of her house for good. 

During their time in Cabo, Khloe's fear of whales becomes evident as she screams at their sight near the beach shore. This hilarious phobia stems from childhood experiences that have scarred Khloe but provided plenty of entertainment for viewers.

The Cabo trip showcases the light-hearted nature of this famous family as they share laughter and jokes together. Kris Jenner laughs until tears stream down her face at a silly joke while prompting Kim to jokingly ask if she had consumed a weed gummy before hand. Mama Kris also attempts speaking Spanish throughout their vacation with comical results. 

In an unexpected turn of events, Kendall and Corey Gamble mend their relationship after a previous feud. And perhaps the most shocking moment comes when Khloe and Kim admit to never having had a beer before. Kendall and Kyle seize the opportunity to introduce them to the wonders of a cold brew by handing them Coronas Surprisingly, both Kim and Khloe enjoy it, hinting at potential beer endorsements in their near future.

With Kylie reigning as the queen of memorable moments on this trip, its safe to say that Season 4 is off to an exciting start. Don't miss out on all the drama, adventures and unexpected revelations as the Kardashians continue their journey every Thursday on Hulu!

[kaz-identified]

I'm tired of waiting for asks I'm answering a whole ask game here and now.

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name? Faolan name comes from the fact the commonly accepted way to refer to the protagonist of Destiny is "Young Wolf". Faolan itself is a name, irish in origin, that means "Little Wolf". Her last name Ashford, is generally accepted to mean "Ford by the ash trees." A ford is a shallow place in a river that can be easily crossed. And ash trees represent, generally, a place between life and death, or represent death itself. I like this last name for her because it, to me at least, means crossing a barrier between life and death. This works very well for her, a character constantly caught between life and death, often acting as a bringer of one to allow the other. Her name before she was raised was Atticus. This is because I like the name. I have never read To Kill a Mockingbird.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range) Physically she's stuck at 22 forever </3. But she was rezzed about six years ago in the real world.

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)? Our favorite boy Crow and her have something going on there, that's for sure <3

🍕 - What is their favorite food? She doesn't a lot of the time! She's too busy. But when she is forced to sit down and eat something, she's not picky. But she's particularly fond of rice in any form.

💼 - What do they do for a living? Well, you'd assume Guardian is a job in and off itself, right? NO. She makes most of her glimmer through Gambit and Crucible, as well as a far bit from gambling and illegal Sparrow racing.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies? Sparrow Racing, that's about it.

🎯 -What do they do best? Faolan is a warrior at her heart, she always has been. Even when she was a child wandering the wastelands with Ulysses following the collapse. She fights like nothing else matters but ending the opponent in front of her, but she's clever enough to know when to disengage.

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do? She likes fighting, her friends, generally moving fast lil speed demon, winning, racing people, competition, and she likes books. She hates Vanguard meetings, sitting still, and days when there isn't wind.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories? Lighting the braziers at the Iron Temple.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories? Carrying Cayde's body back from the Prison of Elders.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one? Yes! She's had the same face since she was originally made. Thank you, Rudder. Though, her armor has changed quite a bit.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC? She wasn't inspired by anything! I didn't make her! My brother did! I just added gaps between the events in Destiny to make a more compelling character to write about. And Rudder based her design off of my when he was making her for me, so I guess me?

🌂 - What genre do they belong in? Sci-fi. Obviously.

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have? One biologically, but she's ostensibly claimed Ripley as her sister. So, effectively two.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like? They're super dead! But her various mentor figures, pretty solid. I don't think she would've survived Forsaken without Ikora as support.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC? I like all the memories I have of her. Just because she's my character in Destiny. All the hours I messed around with Bella and Ben in the Reef, the misery and screaming in Spire, the late night Crucible sessions, the staying up till way past late. The friends Destiny, and by extension, Faolan, has helped me make. People that I wouldn't know if Rudder hadn't snatched my controller from my hands and made her for me on December 22nd, 2012.

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC? I write about her at least once a week.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC? I can't. She can't die.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias? Lygophobia, the fear of the dark.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival? Besides the obvious, the Witness, she has MAD beef with Marcus Ren because it's HIS FAULT she got banned from the SRL.

🎓 - How long have you had the OC? Oh jeez... six years?

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC? Ah, about eleven years old!

[berylcups]

Heres Calamari with their real anatomy. I'm still struggling whether to put them in team Bucci or the Hitman team 😭 Based on the profile and image what vibes do they give off? Good or bad??? I've put a shorten (but still long AF) profile down below

Name: Katrin Kocteau

Allias (if applicable): Calamari 

Namesake: The Cocteau Twins 

Nicknames: Callie, Kat, Kit Kat, Gattina, Stella, Luna, Starlight, Sole, Carina, Cara, tesoro, bella, bambina, Sourpuss, Kitten 

(usually used sarcastically): Comrade, ,little sister,Sunshine, Moody boobs, Boobs McKenzie, Sourpuss

Nicknames for others: 

🩸Lulu, Schatz, Rubin

Big brother, comrade (gelato and calamari jokingly call each other comrades due to both being oppressed by the Soviet Union )

🤐Abba,Diamant ,gloomy fuck/blues, Leo, piss monger, 

Löwe,, honigbiene, liebling, Kuschelbär, Bärchen, Schatzi, Engel, süße,

(Used in a joking/sarcastic way) Arschloch,  Sonnenschein, Eselhengst, Dummkopf 

Age: 25

Birthday: July 12th

AMAB/AFAB/Intersex: AFAB

Gender Identity: Agender; They/Them sometimes she/her…doesn’t correct strangers out of exhaustion 

Height: 5’3 160cm

Weight: 175lbs

Handness: Left

Type of Voice: soft, monotone, flat, they speak very softly with a Berlin accent. You have to listen very hard to understand them due to how softly they speak. It will go from soft valley to booming peaks when agitated enough. 

Eyesight:. 20/40

Hometown: West Berlin, Germany 

Current Residency: Napoli, Italy 

Moral Alignment: 

🩸 evil neutral 

🤐 lawful good

MBTI Personality Type (Optional): INFJ-T

Medical & Dental Health: 

Dental-  vitamin deficiencies in childhood causing weak teeth, many fillings and crowns 

Physical- Chronic tension headaches, vitamin deficiency (vitamin D and Calcium)

Mental health: 

 PTSD, ADHD inattentive type, Major Depression, generalized anxiety disorder w/ panic attacks 

Phobias: Claustrophobic- caves and tunnels specifically 

Phonophobia- HATES loud noises and others talking too loudly

Astraphobia- related to phonophobia 

Germaphobic - fears gastrointestinal illnesses the most 

Socialphobic- is on edge around crowds and people they don’t know too well. Very reserved and secretive 

Arachnophobia - self explanatory 

Fears cursed numbers (4,13, 666)- acts a bit more covert towards it than Mista-(ex add 1 more or less spoonful of sugar to their coffee to avoid 4)

Scars/burns/birthmarks/tattoos: self inflicted cuts and scars on arms and thighs due to poor coping mechanisms 

Awards & Education: 

General Education Diploma, Majoring in Forensic Science in University,

Excelled in foreign languages(Italian and Russian) and art class

Past Experience: 

Calamari is cynical, bitter, a perfectionist, and never allows themself to be vulnerable. Any mistake they make they severely punish themself with. They lash out at themself because they believe they deserve it. Their forearms and thighs are full of scars and self inflicted cuts. They show Themself no mercy so they sure as hell aren't showing it to any of their targets. They're not your typical sadomasochist, not a masochist because they enjoy it. They don't enjoy it at all, but they believe they truly deserve it. 

They always had a strong interest in the paranormal and true crime. they dedicated their education to their forensic career. They always fixed themself to the smallest details rather than the bigger picture. Small details that are often overlooked could derail the entire case and justice for the victims could be lost. Their resolve shines the brightest when they dedicate everything they have to speak for the dead. 

The corruption in the justice system and bribery infecting all the way down to their forensic team made them lose the spark and desire they had for their work. There’s nothing they could have done anyway since it was them vs the majority and they needed every lira to help pay off their exs gambling debt. 

Calamari takes extra work to help pay off his debt only to find out that he was cheating on them and then kills him out of a crime of passion. Now Calamari is left with a body and heaping amounts of gambling debt that isn't theirs. They join Passione to seek protection and to pay off their debt. 

Sexual History (for characters 18+ ONLY): 

Teo, Her ex partner

Currently:

🩸Illuso

🤐 Abbacchio 

Thoughts on love: 

They’ll swear up and down that love is worthless and a waste of time. They’ll say they never felt better by themself now that her ex Teo is gone, but they’re lying to hide the loneliness. They hate kids but are very domestic and secretly want a partner to take care of physically and emotionally. They are very touch and love starved and needs the perfect partner to give them hope in humanity again even if they only learn to trust 1 person.

It takes a long time to develop a crush due to their sexuality and trust issues. They subconsciously become more mellow and obedient around the one they develops a crush on. They’ll always listen to abbacchio’s orders. They’re no brown noser but they try to be as obedient as possible. They’re secretly very submissive. 

They’re only submissive to Illuso in private and only when he’s being nice. 90% of the time They’ll ignore him or berate him if he teases them. They don’t take being teased/bullied lightly. They avoid him and act tough around him because they don't want their weakness known or the fact that they would like someone that cruel…as if they aren't cruel themself-they won’t admit it-they’re a hypocrite and that their actions mirror his. The only difference is Calamari is only cruel to their targets and enemies. They give their teammates mutual respect until they do something to ignite their ire. 

Sexual and/or Romantic Identity:  Demisexual, Panromantic

People they like: 

“I don’t like people.  Nobody can be trusted.”

Calamari keeps people at arm's length but they’re not completely cold. They warm up to others after they prove they are trustworthy enough. 

To tell if they like you is them allowing you to be near them. Letting you sit next to them , letting you hug them (briefly), or playing with their hair. They will also joke with you, or make dry remarks. Best friends will be allowed in their room, play video games with them, and they’ll share secrets about her past and spill tea about others. You tell them a secret as a best friend and they’ll take that secret to their grave. Once you become their best friend/and or partner they’re loyal for life so don’t betray that trust like their ex did. 

🤐 Bucciarati, Abbacchio, Fugo are the ones who they trust and respect the most. 

They won’t show it but they like giorno, narancia, mista, and Trish too. They took a little longer for them to warm up to. They will send sarcastic remarks and jokes their way as their own way of showing friendship. 

🩸 they’re very hard to read, it even takes Risotto a split second to figure out what they’re feeling with their stone cold resting bitch face and monotone voice. They don’t hang around after meetings, so the only one who’s able to get a glimpse on how they feel is Nosey Illuso or Formaggio by spying on them. 

They like Risotto and prosciutto but is heavily intimidated by them. They warm up to Pesci  the quickest- Object stand users stick together.Sorbet and Gelato essentially adopted them from the moment they met, they’re friendly but they have fun making Calamari uncomfortable with the PDA. They slowly warm up to Illuso and Formaggio. Somehow they are able to find common ground with them… I wonder why- it’s almost like they can read their mind. They’re fine with Ghiaccio as long as he isn’t yelling so it’s very rare for them to enjoy his presence. Melone just disgusts them, but they put up with him for the sake of the team. 

People they hate: 

They’re known to hold some strong grudges. It took forever for them to forgive Mista for taking their slice of strawberry cake. They especially can’t stand children and babies because of the noise. Also isn’t a fan of yappy dog breeds. 

They hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals or inconveniences them. They hate their ex  due to the turmoil they dealt with because of him and hates themself for allowing them to step on them for so long.

They hate the boss because he’s an inconvenience to their livelihood and just life itself. 

🩸 Nothing pisses them off more than a bunch of bootlickers getting in the way of them and the team getting the boss’s daughter to find out his identity. The holier than thou attitudes of Giorno and Bucciarati make them hellbent on wanting to set their enjoyment of humiliation aside and give them severe curb stomping. 

🤐It wouldn’t really be considered “hate” but Giorno annoys them. They thinks he’s too naive and preachy …absolutely not because They’re jealous of his natural born talent or anything, don't be ridiculous. They’re a million times more polite about it than abbacchio is. They just groan or ignore him or cuts him off with “you’re too young to understand” or “you wouldn’t get it…” “*groans*whaaaat? I’m busy…go brown nose Bucciarati instead kid.”

They didn’t care much for Trish believing her to be nothing more than an ungrateful spoiled brat. They both grew up so differently that it was hard to bond at 1st. Thankfully neither of them are that stubborn to try to understand each other. 

Dreams for the future:  

A peaceful life with her perfect partner. A cozy home in either Austria or Sicily with many pets and an art studio. They crave normalcy and freedom of expression.

Relationships(name a person that they have a connection to and what their relationship is like[friend, enemy, Ex, current lover, family , etc.]): 

Teo- Ex 

🤐Abbacchio-Current partner

Bucciarati- Confidant & Leader

Fugo- Good Friend

Narancia-Good Friend

Mista- Good Friend

Giorno- Friend

Trish- Friend

🩸Illuso- Current Partner

Formaggio- Good friend

Pesci- Good friend

Prosciutto- Mentor & Callies Secret not so secret crush

Risotto- Leader

Sorbet- Good Friend & parental figure

Gelato-Good friend & parental figure

Ghiaccio- tolerable friend in small doses

Melone- Tolerates- wishes they didn’t know him

Quotes (what do they say often? What’s their life’s motto?): 

“How about you go play in traffic?”

“”Kiss concrete douche!”

“Eat asphalt!”

"Everyone shut up I'm doing _______!"

views on life “There are 3 rules in life that must always be followed: 

1. If you’re going to do it right- do it right the 1st time.

2. Always be punctual. If you’re early you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. 

And 3. Be self reliant. Never burden others. If you have a problem- fix it. Don’t know how? learn.  This is the true way of life.”

“ Do you wanna  X? Because that’s how you X.”They say this phrase a lot when someone is doing something stupid or if they had enough of someone and are threatening them. 

🤐“Do you wanna walk all the way to Pompeii? Because that’s how you do that if you keep trying to turn down my music smartass. YES it needs to be that loud. I’m trying not to fall asleep at the wheel. If it bothers you so much, you and Giorno take the wheel, I’m laying in the back and taking a nap. Don’t fuck up and crash the car or my geist will haunt you panna.”

“Were you even listening to a word I was saying? Sigh… you’re such a disappointment, why do I bother with you?..”

Disregarding a mista conspiracy theory/ghiaccio rant “There’s literally not enough adderall in the world for me to listen to whatever bullshit you're word-vomiting out..”

Taunting illuso back🩸“Make you a sandwich ? How about you earn it 1st. make yourself useful and shine my boots till I can see my reflection in them. Then mayyybe I’ll even think about it.”

🩸Receiving a hit “Who’s funeral am I facilitating?”

🩸“Halt die Schnauze! Would it kill you to not scream like a verdammt banshee every 5 minutes?!”

🩸Defending their stand” Why would my stand need to be strong when it doesn’t have to? I let gravity do all the work for me and I don’t have to break a sweat. I can move anywhere I want, and don’t have to worry about anyone reaching me. It can throw you around like a lousy rag doll and you’ll be helpless to do anything about it. I don’t need to be strong to take your sorry ass down. I may need protection now and then but I’m still the queen on the chessboard. I can go and attack from ANYWHERE”

🩸Apprehensive about betrayal“I’m used to living frugally. I don’t see how 20 million lira is too little to live off of. I don’t think it’s worth going against the boss for more. We don’t know who he is or what he’s capable of.”

🩸Expressing denial and hiding their feelings “Love? Absolutely disgusting. It’s a useless feeling and only sets you up for failure. There’s nothing worse than being tied down with dead weight who will either cheat or become bored of me or I’ll be bored of them. Material goods bring me just as much happiness as an annoying man/woman ever could. I buy a new pair of boots or a handbag, get tired of them- go set them aside in my closet, and buy new ones. Wash, rinse, repeat. Your life is much less difficult when you think with your brain instead of your heart… or your balls if we’re being realistic.”

Hobbies;

Painting, Drawing, Playing Video games, clothes & shoe shopping, make up, petting cats, napping, and eating

Habits: 

Is secretly superstitious. Avoids numbers that they hate, won’t open umbrellas inside, walking under ladders etc… The only exception to their superstitions is black cats. 

🩸Man spreads on the couch out of pure passive aggressiveness since there’s never any room for them to sit

They have a soft spot for black cats and their cats Depeche and Muse are their pride and joy. They greeted them with open arms completely ignoring their teammates all together thinking they were excited to see them when they got back.

 🩸They have a kangaroo pouch to hold them in when she’s working around the base/hideout….

🩸They love traumatizing teammates by tricking them into showing them shock sites and laugh maliciously at their reaction. 

🩸They has a very dark sense of humor so it usually plays off well with sadistic or edgy teammates. 

.They try to hide their smiles and giggles by covering their mouth. This habit slowly ceases once they feels more comfortable around others. 

Calamari hides their red face when they’re aroused or embarrassed .

They sigh and huff a lot when they’re irritated. 

They enjoy coming up with unusual torture/interrogation methods. They held a bamboo skewer up to someone’s eye, threatening to turn their eye into a kabob and lobotomise them. 

They aren’t able to physically defend themself in hand to hand combat so they are well equipped with spiked knuckles and a stun gun strong enough to take down a bear.

Quirks/Unique personality traits:

They won’t look anyone in the eye or call anyone by name directly unless they’re very close with the person. 

Doesn’t announce when they’re here or when they leave. They just walk right in without saying a single hello or I’m back/here. 

In the very beginning they spoke a lot like an NPC with very short to 1-2 worded answers. Once they became more comfortable with their team they said more than 2 words.

Pet peeves:

Talking over or interrupting them while talking 

People acting smarter than they really are 

Excessive noise (barking dogs, talking too loud, yelling , crying children, Ghiaccio , etc)

Gratuitous PDA 

Not obeying rules (excluding missions) 

Being late 

WAKING THEM UP

Invading their personal space 

Moving their things- they have them specifically where they want them

ILLUSO

Having wet hair and clothes (sensory issues )

People whispering (they’re paranoid) 

[sketchy-saram]

BASICS

full name: Calliope (Calli) Jones

gender: Female

sexuality: Lesbian

pronouns: She/Her

OTHERS

family:

birthplace:

job: Awkward Mob Boss

phobias: Fire, Hospitals, Boredom

guilty pleasures: Fighting Argent, Gambling, Cheesy Romance Movies, Cat Videos

hobbies: Working Out, Fixing Cars

MORALS

morality alignment: Selfish Neutral

sins: Desire / Despair / Envy / Fear / Hunger / Pride / Rage / Sloth

virtues: Charity / Chastity / Diligence / Humility / Justice / Kindness /Patience

THIS-OR-THAT

introvert/extrovert, organized/disorganized, close-minded/open-minded, calm/anxious, disagreeable/agreeable, cautious/reckless, patient/impatient, outspoken/reserved, leader/follower, empathetic/callous, optimistic/pessimistic, traditional/modern, hard-working/lazy

RELATIONSHIPS

otp: Calli/Angie

acceptable ships: 

ot3: Maybe Calli/Argent/Julia, but that would have to be totally at Argent’s behest.

brotp: Calli burns most bridges, haha.

notp: Any of the guys!

(Step 2/5!)

[bipolarediaz]

hello! I'd love to know more about specific moments that convinced you that eddie is bipolar

so if you don't mind me asking, what are three moments that really stand out to you?

hi hello I love this so much, I've been thinking about this all morning, thank you!!

a lot of it isn't specific moments but more the combination of things that build up over time, but if I had to pick three specific things (not necessarily in order)...

eddie begins--a lot of the flashbacks we see definitely give me hints of it. specifically, we have a very clearly depressed eddie after he comes back to el paso, with him struggling to connect with his loved ones, withdrawing into himself even more than usual. he doesn't smile much in the flashbacks, at least not other than when chris is born. but then, we come to the present during that episode, and we see eddie making impulsive decisions (insisting that he go down in the first place, then cutting his line, naming buck as guardian the next day without thinking about it or talking to buck first, etc) it's not as bad as the impulsive decisions from earlier in s3, but I do think that he was at the tail end of his manic episode at that point in the season, and was still making impulsive decisions because of it. the contrast between depressed past eddie and somewhat manic/hypomanic present-day eddie is a good example of both sides.

also from s3, we have not just the fact that eddie joined a cage fighting ring, but also specifically the way that it ends. he is, once again, not thinking through his actions in the slightest. he has all this pent up energy and all these feelings he doesn't know how to manage, and he literally doesn't know how to stop himself. he's like an impending train crash. in the dsm, this particular symptom is described specifically as "Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences." and that's exactly what's happening. it's excessive, it's something he can't control, and it's causing him actual serious pain and negatively impacting his life. but even though it's negatively impacting it, he doesn't stop. you see this kind of thing a lot in bipolar in excessive spending or gambling, hypersexuality, etc, but it's no different in this situation. he goes completely over the top with it, completely uncaring about the impending consequences. it also leans a bit into grandiosity, with him thinking, at least a little bit, that he is untouchable during this time. and everyone in his life notices it, even if he brushes them off when they try to bring it up. he's noticeably different from normal, in so many ways, that it's impossible to ignore.

and, of course, I've talked before about just how much 5x11 and 5x13 in particular give me those vibes. he's displaying almost every sign of a major depressive episode with mixed features throughout those tow episodes. he's irritable, he's restless, he makes impulsive decisions without thinking about the consequences, all things that we see during his fight with bobby in particular and during the opening montage. but he's also depressed--he's fatigued, he's feeling completely hopeless and worthless, he isn't finding joy in his life anymore, he's isolating himself just like he did back after his tours, and we see hints of suicidal thoughts as well. we've seen all these symptoms from him before, between flashbacks and s3 (and 5a honestly), it's just that now he's got symptoms of both sides of it at the same time, and that's why it hits him so hard when he breaks down. his depression in particular is just so noticeable during 5b, with everyone in his life commenting on it, and there's just no way of denying that he was severely depressed.

bonus reason because I'm never going to be over how much of a missed opportunity it was: in fear-o-phobia, we have that woman through the whole episode who is set up as a clear parallel to eddie, to the point that he intentionally listens in on the call and notices it himself. and the way they do it... is by basically going through every single symptom of bipolar disorder like it's a goddamn checklist, with her sister even saying how much she's "changed" with her acting the way that she was. and then they just... didn't do it. I'm still annoyed by it and I will be forever, thank you.

even with this I feel like I went beyond just "specific moments" lmao, but honestly that's just how it is--if it's just one or two specific moments, that doesn't really indicate anything when it comes to bipolar disorder. it's about persistent mood changes that are noticeably different from your normal, and about sustained changes. it's the long-term arc and the ups and downs eddie's gone through since s2, and the way that things piled up and changed over time, the clear differences we see in how he acts at various points in his life that indicate there's a lot more going on than just normal level mood fluctuations that everyone experiences.

[barreloftears]

𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖙 𝖔𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖘

barrett olivares is based on barrel from the nightmare before christmas. he is a 25 year old cursed human, moonlight casino employee, and uses he/him pronouns. he has the power of temporary reanimation.

penned by HARPER

reflection

face claim: diego tinoco sexuality: bisexual height: 5'9" eye color: dark brown hair color: black piercings: ear lobes tattoos: snake on his forearm , mother & sister's death date in roman numerals on right collarbone.

attitude

positive traits: disciplined, resourceful, playful, private, industrious, bold negative traits: compulsive, devious, impatient, mischievous, paranoid, subservent likes: really loud music, horror movies, violence, cracking jokes at inappropriate times, the color black, pranks, meaningless sex, rooting for sports he knows nothing about, the smell of permanent markers dislikes: belts, the ocean, the sound of a door slamming, creaky floorboards, bright colors, talking about the past, the l-word, nightmares, when it's way too hot out, political figures phobias: thalassophobia - fear of the ocean or large bodies of water hobbies: breaking the law, loitering in the casino, trying to learn how to gamble but not being able to make sense of it, spending way too much time with temporary suitors and booze, sketching, trying to bring road kill back to life, trying desperately to forget the past but never being able to let go of it simultaneously, latching onto shona & luis. aesthetic: the sound of fist meeting drywall, the crack of a leather belt, wanting to understand love but not knowing where to start, an empty graveyard clouded by thick mist, black converse with blood-stained canvas, worn leather clubs, the sharpening of a knife against a piece of loose asphalt, manic laughter that echos down a dark alley, the sound of a dripping sink that won't stop fucking dripping

relations

mother:  daniela oliveras ( deceased ) father: matías oliveras ( deceased ) sibling(s): luciana oliveras ( deceased )

headcanons

barrett still hasn’t been able to fully process the trauma he had endured as a child, not yet seeing it as trauma but seeing it as his experience of NORMAL. he didn’t feel the need to tell other people about it, but hearing about the childhoods of other’s did lead to him questioning his own.

the man can often been seen engaging with violence simply to try and make sense of it. what was violence FOR ?? what purpose did it serve ?? did it represent love or a lack of it ?? 

he is beyond easy to manipulate, and a lot of that stems from the fact that he learned that not showing discipline results in consequence. that isn’t to say he isn’t notorious for breaking a law or two, but that is heavily because he operates doing what others tell him to… even if it isn’t legal. if they tell him to jump, he’ll say how high or… off what elevated surface. 

when the temptation to disobey orders passes through him, he is met with violent flashbacks of punishment he was faced with when he was younger, and so he prefers to simply take instructions and not question them. not out loud, at least. 

barrett doesn’t see love as something that should be desired, or sought out for, opting instead to question it when it’s presented and not trust it when it’s mentioned. he doesn’t understand it. if what his parents shared was love, why did his father do what he did ?? 

barrett can often be found binging horror movies in his free time, engaging with violence in a passive way to try and see if it’s the violence that bothers him or who inflicts it. nothing makes his skin pebble with goosebumps quite like the memories of his father… and he has yet to find a horror movie that truly spooks him.

luis and shona, though often the ones bossing him around, are two individuals that barrett would do anything for. cut off a finger? sure. rob a bank? okay. go to the ends of the earth? in record time. he has already lost one family, even if it was a broken one… he would be damned if it were to happen to him again.

barrett does not wear belts, and even the innocent removal of one is enough to send a crippling anxiety he couldn’t seem to shake pulsing through him. he opted to knot shoelaces around his waist to keep his pants up if absolutely necessary, often leaving him without ties for his shoes.

the man will happily busy himself with sex and booze and laughter in order to distract himself from the impending doom a moment of self-reflection would bring him, opting to cozy into the comfort of oblivion instead of focusing on the damage his memories always seemed to bring him.

barrett is terrified of large bodies of water — he will not walk within viewing distance of a lake or even a stream, the babbling of the smallest creek enough to make him lash out in terror. even a picture of one is enough to have him crawling into his shell. 

his reanimation talent is one he practices often, but he keeps it primarily to himself… unless he’s pulling a prank on someone to get some sort of distracting amusement out of them. outside of luis and shona, no one knows about the talents he possesses. or…. anything about him at all, for that matter.