#fear me i am death
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i put on my boots. i am 4cm taller than usual. everyone watch the fuck out
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Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.
#Fear and Hunger#D'arce Cataliss#Cahara#Ragnvaldr#Enki Ankarian#Unlike Dungeon Meshi - I cannot in good faith recommend this game to a broad audience.#My background with F&H goes as follows: I am hanging out with a friend. He says “hey try this game I've been playing.” I say “Okay!”#I have never heard of this game. I pick the mercenary. I go through 5 min of character history and background. I am mauled to death by dogs#It took me 4 resets to even get in the dungeon. But I finally get there. I am caught by a guard. He cuts off all but one of my limbs#I am forced to crawl around in a blood and corpse pit until the game tells me 'give up idiot'.#I reset. I am mauled by dogs again. I realize this is not for me but I am intrigued enough to go home and watch some playthroughs#And WOW what an interesting game it is! I really do appreciate games that blend their design philosophy with the theme it wants to set#This is a game about fear and hunger. And persevering. And penis (my god is there a lot of penis)#I recommend this to people who like extremely challenging games and can handle the many *content warnings* within this series#If the idea of Bloodborne/eldenring and undertale having a little RPG maker baby sounds appealing to you - give it a shot#It's made by ONE GUY and it's a great horror game. I am just really bad at it.#My friends just enjoy putting me in situations where I scream and yell. We don't talk about the corn mazes. Or the other horror game nights#Apparently I'm funny when I'm Scared!#As people who follow me on twitter might know; I am deep in the pits of this series right now. I will be back with more art.
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Please pray for two different young adults I know of who have cancer, which is most likely terminal
#too many people around here have gotten cancer#I am so so so grateful my sister made it#but it fills me with such dread and sadness that there are other young people who have to deal with what will probably be an early death#but lots of pain and fear regardless#prayer request
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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forever obsessed w the fact that in bh lore vampires do actually die and stay dead for a short bit and then come back wrong. something that sadly never really gets elaborated on but that i find deeply fascinating bc it is implied that they remember the afterlife! which is such a cool and insane nugget of lore to give ur vampires like hello. also the implication that it scared the shit out of them, or at least out of mitchell..... can we talk about it!
mitchell eating his stupid fucking noodle box as hes waiting w the newly turned vamp to make sure he doesnt wake up alone and scared even though lauren mocks him for it!
mitchell making sure to remind george to NOT look at what's beyond the threshold when they are preparing to say goodbye to annie when her door shows up!
that little moment when annie decides to tell owen the secrets of the dead to drive him insane and george asks what that was all about and mitchell shakes his head so annie goes ahaha lol i was just improvising even though both her and mitchell know better!!!! thats their best friend who they will protect from the horrors of death as long as (in)humanly possible! they love you alive boy ♡
#me trying to make any post abt a single member of the og trio: ok btw did u notice that all 3 of them loved each other so so much#being human#being human uk#john mitchell#i wish the fact that mitchell remembered Death was used beyond s1 bc it is one of my favourite creative decisions wrt supernatural lore tbh#its not really super prominent and they do keep his fear of death in the later seasons but that specific angle was sooo delicious#especially if u take into account the whole Guilt sitiation george has got going on that hes the only 'alive' member of the household#and as such the only one w a chance to Do Something More w his life and get out of there (he cannot. and hes never getting away from them.)#and how hes torn between wanting A Life bc he still has a chance however flimsy and The House (but it was never going to be human was it?)#and how as much as both annie and mitchell want him to stay bc they belong together (and it is heavily implied that a wolf/vamp/ghost trio#is actually the only truly stable environment for all three categories which is what has kempp and co so freaked out)#they also want him to seize life bc even though they cant he still can and he Should!!! and thats such a great element of tension imo#that sadly gets lost in s4 &5 a bit bc toms relationship to the mortal world is entirely different since he was never a normie so to speak#but yeah. i would make a webweave abt this except i lost all of my fucking episodes Plus my poetry collection when my pc died so#u get this 3 am ramble and if uve read this far u will also get the reminder to fucking make backups of ur stuff!!! do it for me pls!!!#the wise one learns from his mistakes but the genius learns from others mistakes or wtv ...... please learn from my mistakes lol#cavetext
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I tell you how you kill me in my dreams.
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Dima was visited by the local vampire. She will bite him back, next time. Alt version under the cut.
#I love you Tatyana PCs I love you doomed PC narratives I love you dhampir PCs who can’t control themselves I love you death-seeking maidens#to be a dhampir in curse of strahd is to be both predator and prey. I love it.#idk if anyone elses campaigns use Dark Kiss rules from VRGtV but it’s a unique fear and I recommend it if you do Ireena/Taty PC#anyway enough of my yappin#curse of strahd#dungeons and dragons#dnd character#dnd#dnd fanart#dungeons and dragons art#cos: the sorority#CoS PC: Demetria#I don’t mind this being use in place of Ireena if you so wish. She is an Ireena pc after all.#curse of strahd pc#oh yeah. more yapping. strahd took my fucking sword from me again!#I am going to steal something out of his fucking house again!#song is Hanging by Marika Hackman#my art
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Spoilers
Ok now that the initial shock has faded and I'm much more grounded. This chapter is good actually. Everyone knew Sukuna was going to die and to some extent I knew his death was going to be anything but glorious. It's jjk people rarely get good and respectful death let alone a grand and glorious one but yeah Gege took me out again with how he closed Sukuna's arc. Was it underwhelming? Yes. In jjk if you don't adapt, don't change you're doomed to fail and Sukuna no matter how much physically strong he was always emotionally fragile and in the end his own lack of self awareness became his cause of demise. Kenjaku the biggest villian of the series (for me, the heinous acts he has done is way more than mass murder) got a pretty satisfying end for him because he was open to see and connect with Takaba. Sukuna never did that and died a lump of flesh. And honestly it's not humiliating or pathetic. At first glance it did seem like with him becoming a slime but he didn't die begging for his life rather still being the no 1 hater and his pride mostly intact (he did looked overwhelmed but when after 1000 years you actually lose it's given) also as hypocritcal as ever (mocking Yuji and others for fearing death but he himself felt that too) His death was neither like a glorious warrior nor truly pathetic like Mahito's. For me he just...had a simple and quick death. Though Yuji holding his remains and finally telling him something that he always unconsciously craved for was very bittersweet maybe this is what Yuji had told him on their stroll time things could've been...better? His 'you're me' moved me honestly. They both are the different sides of a coin. It was sad how Sukuna (the man who never cared for any identification or title) for the first time out of everything chose to identify as a...curse really showed how hollow his sense of self was actually. But no matter how much Sukuna denied it he was still...a human not a god not a curse and he died as such and with the only family he ever had at that (maybe if you see he died in the hands of the only family he ever had) and though a direct parallel to Mahito it wasn't hate that Yuji felt and I think neither pity but empathy genuine empathy. Wishing a place where Sukuna could get someone like he had his grandfather, Gojo had Geto and Megumi had Him....
Rip Ryomen Sukuna very few other characters had me itch my brain with their duality.
#i don't know what am i yapping but i need to get all this off my mind.#his death for me was first as everyone what the hell!? but now its... bittersweet#i hate how gege make me react two different extreme emotions in span of hours.#my only complaint it would've been better to get some last thoughts from Sukuna too maybe next chapter Sukuna airport scene🤔#also me being a Sukuna stan and my competition is Uraume🙇♀️🙇♀️ can never win against them#i have so many thoughts and i fear i sound like 6 year old again#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna#jjk#ryomen sukuna#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 268
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Don't get me wrong, "The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" is a quote that absolutely hits me square in the chest every time.
..But I feel like putting it in italics under an aesthetic picture is kinda neglecting the context, since Piranesi has Nearly Drowned when he first says that.
#Piranesi#I could make a whole rant about this#I don't wish to claim the house isn't beautiful. However.#One does have to wonder how much of its sentience kindness and grace is projected onto it BY Piranesi#Because it isn't always kind is it?#The winters are hard. The collapsed floors are dangerous. My guy is talking to birds and dead people#Also he Nearly Fcking Drowns in the first scene#But I don't wish to be a negative nancy either#What matters is that Piranesi sees that kindness#I suppose it's the same way the statues capital-r-Represent concepts while also being unmoving stone...#Or maybe its that Piranesi is so kind he can't help seeing that quality in everyone and everything#I fear I'm rambling.#Just wanted to get it off my chest.#I wonder how many people reading that quote out of context know that it's the thought of a drenched man clinging to the legs of a statue#Susanna Clarke#(edit: realized that the call-back to this line does knock me off my feet.)#(I cried physical tears reading the final chapter)#(anyway okay so yeah it's just the First time that that line is written where the narrator has narrowly brushed past death)#(wait.... The way that it puts the “house” in a whole new context...#The way that “world” and “house” are interchangeable....bro I need to lie down this BOOK.)#(It is 2am and I am unwell about this story)
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some hollow knight textposts i made when i was having an autism frenzy
eta; oh hi you should check out my art its cutesies<3 please. this has 1k notes
#i love referring to my special interests as autism frenzies. like yes fear me i know everything about this topic#hollow knight#i am NOT tagging all that#love and light#EDIT: i am SO delighted that ppl love the exploson one#it came to me like a vision from god after the 30 deaths in crystal peaks#and i reference it all the time now. no i dont know where tf the texts came from#but its there and i put the homies on it#edit 2 damn this got 1k notes. crazy. now look at my actual art please#nonart
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thinking about elain’s story and bodily autonomy. i think sjm was very intentional in using elain’s powers to introduce us to vassa and koschei. how vassa’s body was corrupted against her will by koschei, and how her existence is now defined by the changes he made. thinking about how koschei has a lake full of swans who were once women who’s bodies he changed against their wills as well. thinking about how elain was changed against her will by a cruel king to teach a lesson to somebody else. how she was reduced to a body and then a tool, a means to an end (to demonstrate the power of hybern against her sister but especially people she barely knew). how even the tool used to change her, the cauldron, which once belonged to the mother and symbolically can be connected to the womb, was appropriated and used forcefully by the king of hybern.
i think about how canon suggests that the cauldron loved elain, that perhaps it gifted her the powers it did because it loved her. maybe the cauldron recognized then, that this poor girl was like it, and sought to give her the power to prevent what was being done to her, and what had been done to countless other women and girls by making her a seer. let’s not forget that elain’s vision of vassa helped them turn the tide of the war against hybern and that it was elain that struck the killing blow against the king of hybern in defense of her sister, another who was denied bodily autonomy. ultimately bodily autonomy, especially given the current political climate in the US is a really heavy theme to deal with, but i sincerely hope that this thread is continued, and that we will get to see an elain who is empowered, and empowered on her own terms. an elain who reclaims her body and her future, and helps others do the same.
#what would a death god who turned immortal for fear of his own death fear more than a woman who can wield the future against him?#elain destroy’s koschei by showing him he heat death of the universe in a vision causing 1 billion psychic damage#elain archeron#pro elain archeron#pro elain#guys i am SO excited for her book because if it’s done well i will forgive sarah for the incredibly weird and fucked up#fatal pregnancy drama of the previous book#actually. thinking of it now i HOPE elain reflects on what happened to feyre in her book at least briefly#you can’t tell me that wasn’t traumatic as FUCK#oh btw this isn’t a shipping post and if you treat it as such i will hit you with my psychic bazooka (block button)
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i felt you at the beginning but needed you at the end
#fall out boy#youngblood chronicles#id in the alt text#*mine#*art#i've had this mental image in my head for like a month#didn't fully succeed in delivering on it but that's ok i got it out and that's the important thing#these two make me insane#their whole story is told in the gaps. in the negative space. a place to which i am unquestionably drawn#they are hands on shoulders. they are brushes with mortality.#patrick did not slit andys throat and he did not strangle him with a loop of cord#the same way that andy did not have to stab patrick to death in the desert#in that sense andy is the only one who - from patricks perspective - has a physical presence uncorrupted by mutual destruction#they hold onto each other - transmit a sense of contact and fear and terror and reassurance - and then they let go#perhaps thats why andy was the only one patrick did not have a hand in destroying. because he knew to let go.
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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alright this has been sitting in my mind ever since i first heard it a few days ago, but what Emmrich says about his fear of death in his first scene? It hit differently. Im gonna elaborate underneath the cut.
(also this might be too much personal info for some, but anyways)
'Thats when I discovered I possess a great terror of dying' is putting something I have felt for close to 3 years now so... precisely into words.
I have spend so much trying to find words for this feeling, for this fear, and have not yet managed to communicate it with anyone really so far, because the words have just... not been there.
'It goes beyond dread. It cant be reasoned with or soothed over. It comes without warning, in the dead of night, in sunlit streets. A raw, strangling fear, struck somewhere deep past the heart.'
It hides behind every corner of your life. You can go on with your day like any other person, you can be alone at home or out with friends, seeing the world, and suddenly youre hit with this 'someday it wont matter anymore and you wont feel this feeling and never smell the air again' and you cant outrun it.
Its something you cant change, something maybe not even worth mentioning because there is no way out anyways, so why bother and try to find a reason within it, when there is non to begin with?
'Oddly, I discovered I wasnt alone. I debated this fear with friends, I argued with teachers... Yet... It lingered.'
Others might feel the same, and yes its comforting to a degree, but still it wont make it go away. It wont make it better or unbearable somehow. Because its unreasonable. You know it is. Thats why Ive burried it so deep within me and try not to spiral into despair when these thoughts occure.
I am not really sure where I am heading with this but I guess I needed to get these thoughts out into the world somehow. Because hearing this, having it put into words so nicely? It helped. It made me shiver and it has lingered in my head for a while now, but it also gave me words for something I have not yet come around wording myself.
#every attempt to put it into my own words always kind of felt like an understatement of how dire the situation and the feeling is. but havin#someone say its terror is so... precise. it IS terror. I am terrified of dying. anyways#currently im handling my fears quite well so im good right now but there were times it was unbearable#this just made me think again and im glad im in a better place right now mentally and can sort my thoughts better than i did 2 years ago#when the spiral was ever looming in everything i did#death tw#dying tw#datv#datv spoilers#emmrich volkarin#dragon age spoilers#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#anxiety tw#personal thoughts#the veilguard spoilers#veilguard spoilers
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top image is the version i read first and while it did wring my heart like a wet rag the translation in my physical copy went the extra mile and beat me to death with a club in an alleyway
(bonus tears: the fact that they're parallel to thistle and delgal and this is what thistle might have said to him if they got to talk)
#let me just say. platonic declarations of love are hard to pull off. dungeon meshi pulled it off#the marcille laios relationship is SO important#dunmeshi#dm spoilers#dmposting#dungeon meshi#marcille#laios#thistle#delgal#just bc THE PARALLELS#'i want to stay with YOU my whole life' what if i die rn#laios & marcille#bebisel#actually i'm not shutting up about this like i'm just as sad thistle and delgal never actually got to speak and reconcile etc etc but also#i'm NOT unsatisfied with it because!!! just watch laios and marcille scenes!!! there it is!!!!#(in particular the nightmares episode i'm just saying. there it is)#them in another life core... sorry i am a sap#actually hmm thinking on it again i feel like thistle wouldn't say these exact words because. it's interesting! he and delgal are sort of#a reversal of what was going on here#where delgal was the one who feared death#still u get what i mean huhu#roomba media
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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SPOILERS FOR WFA UNDER THE CUT, SPOILERS FOR THE FAST PASS IN TAGS
grabs you and grabs you and grabs you and grabs you. Do you see this. do you see the compassionate representation of PTSD and of Jason's character. DO YOU SEE IT. have you read this? Have you read the fast pass? I am sobbing. I am in pieces and I've been put back together and I fell apart again. DC, you CAN do better. Why don't you? Why are your main-canon stories not this well written? DO YOU SEE IT.
#LOOOK#LOOK AT ME#ARE YOU? GOOD. OKAY.#DO YOU HEAR WHAT IM SAYING.#DO YOU#because LOOK#The way the panels switch between him being hood and his robin suit.#the way he fights and fights and fight and yet he is just RIGHT back there#where he NEVER wants to be again#The way he PHYSICALLY removes himself not just from patrol#from GOTHAM?#and even then#even then he can't rest#the fear thats been instileld#not just from his death#from how he came back and was treated? from how he was treated even as *robin?*#the fear he really IS too violent. too dangerous. just like bruce always said he was#and that he's going to hurt everyone he loves. that he should just..#disappear#THAT is what I look for in the dc comics#and i NEVER FUCKING FIND IT#dc. dc i am on my knees. i am begging you to look at this and realise what you have here. wfa could be SO MUCH MORE#i could rant for days#but i wont#jason todd#wayne family adventures#wayne family adventure spoilers#wfa spoilers#spoilers#red hood
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