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Write a positive review of the " Sugar Defender

Supplements " product in 500 words with a title in British English. and add a heading in every paragraph.and write like ( l use the following product )Hide draftsDraft 1

A Sweet Success: My Experience with Sugar Defender Supplements

Introduction

I’ve always had a sweet tooth, and it’s often led to me indulging in sugary treats more than I should. This constan...Draft 2

A Sweet Success: My Experience with Sugar Defender Supplements

Introduction

I’ve always had a sweet tooth, and it’s often been a battle to curb my cravings. I’ve tried various diets and lifes...Draft 3

A Sweet Success: My Experience with Sugar Defender Supplements

Introduction

I’ve always had a sweet tooth, and it’s often been a struggle to maintain a healthy diet. Despite my best efforts, ...Regenerate drafts

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A Sweet Success: My Experience with Sugar Defender Supplements

Introduction

I’ve always had a sweet tooth, and it’s often led to me indulging in sugary treats more than I should. This constant sugar intake had me worried about its potential health consequences, so I decided to look for a solution. After doing some research, I came across Sugar Defender Supplements and decided to give them a try.

The Search for a Solution

I’ve tried various methods to curb my sugar cravings, from cutting back on sugary foods to using willpower. While these approaches helped to some extent, I was still struggling to maintain a consistent level of control. I knew I needed something more effective, and that’s when I discovered Sugar Defender Supplements.

Choosing the Right Supplement

There are many different sugar control supplements available on the market, so it was important to do my research and choose the right one. I was drawn to Sugar Defender Supplements because of their natural ingredients and positive reviews from other users. I also liked that the product was backed by scientific research.

Using Sugar Defender Supplements

I started taking Sugar Defender Supplements as directed, and I noticed a difference almost immediately. My sugar cravings were significantly reduced, and I found it much easier to resist temptation. I also felt more energized and focused, which I attributed to the natural ingredients in the supplements.

The Benefits of Sugar Defender Supplements

In addition to helping me control my sugar cravings, Sugar Defender Supplements have also had other positive effects on my health. I’ve noticed that my blood sugar levels are more stable, and I’m sleeping better at night. I’ve also lost a few pounds, which is an added bonus.

Overall Satisfaction

I’m extremely satisfied with my experience using Sugar Defender Supplements. They’ve been a game-changer for me, and I would highly recommend them to anyone struggling to control their sugar cravings. If you’re looking for a natural and effective way to reduce your sugar intake, I encourage you to give Sugar Defender Supplements a try.

Conclusion

Sugar Defender Supplements have helped me take control of my sugar cravings and improve my overall health. I’m grateful for this product and would encourage anyone looking for a natural

[hyuckmov]

haechan — settle down (rockstar hyuck) | part 1 of 3

wc: 22k (!!!!!!!) genre: angst, smut (18+ minors dni), fluff warnings: loss of virginity, very soft sex (hand-holding during sex), lots of kissing, protected sex, haechan fucks...a lot, fingering, oral (f receiving), very faint corruption kink, JEALOUSY, possessiveness (marking, signing on your body), handjob, car sex, cumplay, spit, exhibitionism (!), slight dumbification, slight degradation, titty-sucking etc, sweet aftercare a/n: i worked a lot on this and i really hope u like it.... i really hope it's hot... i hope u like rockstar haechan...please let me know what u think... (fic playlists) | browse the fic tag :)

he's been staring at you all night.

the bass thrums insistent in your chest, overriding your heartbeat, as you cling onto the barrier between the stage and the crowd. lights flash before your eyes, almost blinding you with how fast they blinked, and you can barely make out the faces of the boys onstage as they play their last song of the night. the air is damp, excitement riding high over the crowd in waves of endless screams that never seem to stop. 

and the boy on the far right, fingers moving deftly over the strings of his electric guitar, hasn't taken his eyes off you for the last five minutes. 

a sharp smile tugs at his lips, smokey makeup making his gaze ever more piercing as he looks down at you through his overgrown bangs, hairs at the nape of his neck unruly and wild. the lights throw the features of his face into high contrast, the tattoos curling on his neck and hip screaming for attention, as do the glint of jewelry scattered everywhere on his body. you feel smaller and smaller under his gaze, something lewd about the way he runs his tongue over his lips, eyes practically undressing you. he never seemed to stop moving his body as he played, bouncing on his toes or letting his body lean away from the sound, the music fuelling and becoming one with his movements as if he were a dancer.

as the music crashes and swells towards the end of his solo, his eyes slide over to yours with a practiced precision, as if he had memorized your position in the crowd. swaying his hips from side to side, his eyelids droop just slightly into a half-lidded stare, as he ruts his hips playfully against his guitar. 

the screams of the other fans are deafening, but you can hardly hear it over the rush of your heartbeat in your own ears.

haechan finally looks away, a small smile on his face as he signals to his bandmates towards the song's ending. you feel almost empty as the weight of his attention lifts off of you, pressing yourself up against the railing on tip-toe to try and catch his eye again before sinking down and feeling like an idiot. 

he was just doing fanservice for an audience member, nothing more. you try not to find his actions endearing as he slings his arm around the lead singer, mark, his surprisingly boyish laugh making your heart flutter in your chest as he waves towards his fans one more time. 

people are leaving the venue, the sounds of their excitement getting further and further away, but you stand there, reeling, clutching onto the metal barrier, sure that if you took your hands off it you would fall. finally, glancing up at the stage one last time, you're just about to leave to find your friend, the only reason you were even here, when –

"leaving so soon?" 

the boy is sitting on the stage right in front of you, leaning forward so you can see his face clearly. up close, he's even prettier than before, delicate almost doll-like legs wrapped under ripped skinny jeans, leading up to thick and toned thighs, his slender waist shadowed under his large leather jacket ridden with buckles and straps. without the bright stage lights, you can see the moles on his skin, tracing a dangerous path under the collar of his shirt. 

at your lack of response, he raises his eyebrows. "i asked if you were leaving, princess." 

"i have to find my friend," the words come out rushed. "um…jaemin? your band hired him tonight as the photographer." 

"i remember," he nods. "so…you're not a fan?" 

"no." he nods, silence filling the space between the both of you. you can see him start to formulate a goodbye, his heart-shaped lips parting, but you don't want the conversation to end, you don't want him to stop looking at you. "- but…i really enjoyed your show." 

he looks a little surprised, and a genuine smile spreads sweetly across his face. "why?" he challenges. 

"what?" 

"what did you like about our show?" his eyes glint, and you know he's teasing you. 

"the songs were good," you mumble. 

"yeah?" he licks his lips, a slight hint of nervousness showing on his face as he clears his throat. "who was your favorite member?" 

"huh?" 

"your favorite band member," he repeats, tilting his head to the side. "jeno, he's our drummer, mark's the lead singer, jisung plays bass and i…" he waves his hand absentmindedly towards his guitar, on the stand, still onstage behind him. "i'm haechan," he adds. 

if you wanted to get to know him, it wouldn't hurt to show a little of exactly how much you liked him, would it? "you were my favorite," you admit. "you…you have really good stage presence," you blurt out. 

"stage presence?" 

"yeah. when i'm in the crowd…i can't really pay attention to anything else. and you…" you swallow, heat burning up your cheeks, but the way his eyes were looking at you with curiosity making you finish your thought. "you make the audience feel like they want to please you." the unspoken truth, that you, as part of the audience, wanted to please him, hangs in the air. 

your embarrassment, at saying something so suggestive and raw, is quickly washed away by the smile tugging at the corner of his lip, a smirk that quickly spreads across his face into a grin. you're so mesmerized by it, that you're taken aback by the way he suddenly shifts, hopping down the stage lightly and standing in front of you. 

"princess," he says, softly, placing his hands on the railing next to yours so the sides of your fingers barely brush. "do you want to come to a party?" 

you resist the urge to immediately say yes. "what party?" 

"there's one after every show. jaemin will have been invited, he can take you." the venue has emptied out, even his bandmates have left the stage. and yet, his voice is pitched low as he leans in, body warmth radiating off of him, and you are so close, you can see the smudged eyeliner on his lower lash line, can make out the grey of his colored contact lenses. "you can find me there." 

"but…" you feel lost. "why can't you just take me?" 

"if we show up together, it'll seem a little like we're dating, no?" his voice is quiet, but firm. 

hurt and confusion blossoms in your chest. was it really that serious? keeping your voice as nonchalant as possible, you ask, "would that be so bad? for…for us to date?”

but you know it's the wrong thing to say. 

he exhales slowly, a brief look of pain flitting over his features. he hated doing this, hated reaching the point in conversations where rules and boundaries had to be discussed. nights where he found his girls at the party were the easiest, letting body language and long glances do the talking, as few strings attached as possible. 

but today he couldn't stop looking at you, in the front row, couldn't help sliding his eyes over and checking to see if you were watching him, a pleased thrum burning in his chest every time his gaze found yours. it seemed logical, to spend his time with you tonight. but if he'd known you'd felt like this, he never would have waited onstage. 

"what's your name, princess?" 

"y/n."

"y/n, i'm not making you my girlfriend," he states, bluntly. "i can't, and i don't want to. you can meet me at the party later, but we'll just fuck – nothing else." 

his words make you feel small, his tone harsh compared to his previous meandering way of speaking. even then, the thought of letting him walk away, to never see him again, to end this story on this moment, made you feel worse than anything.  

at the look on your face, he softens slightly. 

"i'm sorry if you thought this was going to be more," he says, quietly. "you don't have to do anything you don't want to." 

"i do," you correct him. frustrated, he sighs, and you rush to clarify. "i'll meet you at the party. just…nothing else." your end off hesitantly, unwilling to echo his crude words.

"are you sure?" you think you see his gaze darken, the tension suddenly heightening as he places one of his large hands over your own. his guitar-calloused fingertips are rough as they slide against the back of your hand, drawing shapes that burn into your skin like tattoos. you nod, but he shakes his head — slowly, sweetly patient. "i need to hear you say it," he murmurs, and the words go straight to your gut. 

"i'm sure." your voice comes out as a whisper, but he doesn't seem to mind. he leans in, and just when you think your lips are going to meet, your mouth parting expectantly, he tilts his head and kisses you softly on your cheek. 

"make sure no one sees you, princess," he murmurs, low in your ear, before straightening up. "don't make me wait too long, hm?" 

—

"did anyone follow you up here?" 

haechan sits with his legs hanging off the edge of the roof, arms slung over one of the lower rungs of the railing. he doesn't spare you a glance as he takes another drink from his bottle of red wine, knowing that you're hanging onto his every word. 

"no," you reply, voice barely louder than a whisper. you repeat yourself again, louder, hating the way your voice shakes with hesitance. "no, i don't think so." 

he exhales, shrugging off the leather jacket that hangs large over his frame, his shoulderblades moving under his white shirt, veiny arms pushing the bottle to the side as he shifts himself backwards fluidly so he's further away from the ledge, his long legs stretched out. 

"well?" and now he turns to look at you, dark eyes framed with makeup searching for yours, his gaze heavy. the piercing on his eyebrow glints in the moonlight, and when he leans his weight back on his hands, his shirt rides up so that you can see just the hint of a tattoo curling low on his hip. "are you ready?" 

feet unsteady, you shuffle over to him, standing over him as he watches you through hooded eyes. unsure, you start to sit down next to him, but a hand quickly reaches out to touch your knee, dragging his touch up the back of your thigh, the cold scrape of his rings on your skin feeling rough and claiming all at once. his lips part almost mockingly, commanding you without words to stop. 

he flicks his gaze down to his lap, eyes flickering back up to yours. eyebrows raised, as if in a challenge.

slowly, you lower yourself onto his lap, hands hesitantly grasping for his shoulders. his arms come to steady your waist, slipping under your shirt and touching bare skin, feeling the way your body shifts and moves. it's only because your body is pressed up against his, his hands are roaming up and down your thighs, that he notices something which makes him halt his movements, licking his lips. 

"you're shaking," he murmurs, now brushing the hair out of your eyes, tucking a strand behind your ear as he studies you, taking in the way you're all tensed up, the uncomfortable way your legs are folded, goosebumps erupting every time his fingertips brushed your skin, muscles trembling.

you swallow. "i've never done this before," you admit. 

his eyes widen, now removing his hands from you entirely, letting them fall. "you're a virgin?" 

you nod, heart pounding in your chest. he's looking away, his jaw set, his gaze hardened. did he hate that you had no experience? or would he enjoy that? "i can…" the words come out in a jumble, "you can teach me, i want… i want to-" 

"no." with surprising gentleness, he motions for you to move off his lap, and you follow his actions mindlessly, docile under his touch. 

"do you think i won't be good enough?" you ask, hating the way your voice comes out wounded and achy, hating how weak he made you. 

he pauses, tongue poking into the side of his cheek, and you think you can see a flash of something deep in his eyes. 

"y/n…i can't be your first time." 

"but i want –" 

"you need to be with someone who will take care of you." despite his words, his voice is cold, and clear. "i don't do that." he dusts off his jacket, shrugging it back on as he takes another drink from the bottle, eyes closed, unwilling to look at you for another second. "go home, y/n. i'll see you at the next show." 

you don't move. you kneel there, next to him, eyes desperately searching for his. 

"go home, y/n," he repeats, harshly. 

"i want to stay here," you bite back, stubbornly, hurt making your voice brittle. 

"then you'll have to watch me fuck someone else." lazily, he reaches into the pocket of his jacket for his phone, and you can see him scroll through his messages, faces and names blurring as you barely decipher him type out another message. his fingers moving across the keyboard, as the anonymous responder sends a series of heart emojis, eagerness palpable through the screen. he locks his phone, the click sound startling you out of your daze, and he puts his phone down on his lap, the action somehow mocking.

"so?" he's still not looking at you, staring straight ahead into the night. "do you want to watch?" 

and as you make your way down the stairs, shame burning at your neck and tears burning hot down your cheeks, you can swear you feel his eyes follow you all the way down. 

—

the feeling of embarrassment curdles in your stomach, and leaves a sour taste in your mouth every time you look in the mirror. it's what leads you to skip the next show, making an excuse to jaemin about 'having other plans'. and then the other, and then the other. and then it's been a week, and your friend has finally managed to drag you to one of their after-parties, pushing you through the door with a little too much enthusiasm. he knows something is bothering you, and he wants nothing more than to help take your mind off of it — but he has no idea that the something is currently leaning against the archway leading off into the living room, nursing a bottle of beer in his hands, and brushing his hands around some girl's waist in a way that made you feel sick. 

jaemin introduces you to mark, out on the balcony. mark is sweet, and friendly, a regular boy-next-door who happens to have face gems twinkling next to his eyes and leather pants tight around his thighs. he asks you about college, and work. he talks about the songs he's writing on his guitar. he catches your drink when you almost drop it over the railing, an easy smile on his face when his fingers brush yours passing it back to you, and a shy grin when he reaches out to lace his fingers with yours properly.

"i'm really busy, but i'd love to talk to you more," he says, sincerely, as he takes your phone from your hands to key in his number. he texts himself so his contact is at the top of your messages, making you promise to text him when you get back. he looks at you meaningfully, squeezing your hand before dropping it to go back to his party. 

there's a moment, where you think to follow. 

but then all of it – every touch, every glance, every speck of light you counted reflected in marks' wide eyes, — all of it is wiped clean the moment you hear a familiar low voice.

"trying to get with my friends now, princess?" 

when the light illuminates his silhouette, hurt registers before anything else. 

hickeys bloom across the side of haechan's neck, trailing down to his chest. only a simple mesh top lies underneath his leather jacket, and you can see the shadows of a few more bruises on his torso when his arm shifts, tugging the jacket open just slightly. his hair is a mess, tugged this way and that by desperate hands, and you think there may be a smear of bright pink lipstick at the corner of his lips. you can smell the reek of flowery perfume, cloyingly sweet, all over his clothes, as he leans back against the railing, eyes turned towards the party happening behind the sliding glass doors.

"i thought you said i was your favorite band member," he murmurs, a mock expression of sadness on his face. "mark's nothing like me." 

"why do you care?" you will yourself to sound more confident, letting the hurt dissolve into defiance. 

"i don't." the pout has melted off his face, a burning intensity now in the way he stares at you, making you shift uncomfortably. a moment passes, where he studies your face, eyes flicking across your features almost methodically. "so am i?" 

"what?" 

"am i still your favorite?" his voice is bitter, as if he knows the answer before asking and he doesn't like it. 

"are you seriously asking me that?" 

"princess –"

he's interrupted by a chime from your phone. the both of you glance down at it at the same time, the text and the sender unmistakeable on your otherwise empty lockscreen. 

mark <3 : thanks for talking to me today :) let me know when you get home safe! 

there's a pause. 

"mark has a girlfriend," haechan blurts out, his voice coarse. 

"what?" you look up at him, trying to figure out if this was a joke, but his face is impassive. 

"he cheats on her all the time with girls from his parties. it's his thing." haechan's still looking at your screen even though your phone has turned off, resolutely not meeting your eyes. 

it takes you a moment to gather yourself, every one of mark‘s actions and words suddenly flashing before you like a flipbook, sweet memories crumpling into dust. "are you lying?" you ask, shakily. 

"why would i?" he finishes his beer, veins shifting on the back of his hand as he crushes the empty can, the crunch of metal dissonant against the warm summer night. his next words are just as rough. "whether or not you get with mark means nothing to me. i don't care. i don't even know you." 

his words ring true, as he pushes off from the railing, leaving you alone on the balcony without another word. the abrupt end to the conversation has you turning, eyes following him as he steps back into the party, looking away a little too late as you see him gesture someone over with a flick of his fingers, her long hair covering both their faces when their lips meet. 

jaemin finds you crying on the balcony, but he can't figure out the reason. you delete mark's contact off your phone the moment you get home, and jaemin promises you he's never taking you to any other show or party with the band ever again. 

—

"there should be an empty room somewhere." the man lets go of your hand, at the foot of the stairs. "can you wait for me inside one? i'll find you in a minute." 

it's only when you're halfway upstairs, when you realise that you're really about to give yourself to a stranger for your first time. 

he has a bright smile, sweet dimples showing each time his lips turn upwards, each time he calls you baby. he's not much older than you, but there's an easy authority in the way he takes your cup from your hands and tells you to stop drinking, getting you glasses of water instead. his body dwarfs yours in size, and when you put your hand on his thigh, you see something shift in his expression that tells you he may not be as gentle as he seems. 

and when you tell him he'll be your first time, his throat bobs as he swallows, eyes dragging up and down your body with a newfound hunger. 

you've never really cared about who you lost your virginity to, not considering it a big occassion or anything to make a fuss over. your mind flits back to two weeks ago, when some boy had cared way more about it than you did. 

"you need to be with someone who will take care of you." 

anger flares in your chest at the thought of it, as you climb up the stairs two steps at a time, and it's just when you're just reaching the first landing, when you suddenly coming to a crashing halt because —

the sound of microphone feedback makes you put your hands over your ears, instinctively, the shrill sound piercing the air. 

a loud bass suddenly starts up, vibrating under your feet. did they hire a live band? the song that booms from downstairs is familiar, and with a jolt, you realise that you know it a little too well. 

that honey-sweet voice, the bitter bite to his words soothed over by the sweetest of tones – drifts up from the speaker, a haunting melody that echoes up the empty staircase, punctuated by a screaming crowd.

as if to further prove it was him, he lets out a laugh at the end of his line, the tone of it dark and sarcastic, the crowd going wild at the sound of it. 

was it a studio recording? it must be, because there was no way this band was downstairs, performing live at this random birthday party, there was no chance…

… except now mark is speaking into the microphone, greeting the audience, asking for the birthday girl. unease stirs in your stomach as you trace your steps back down, a dread that fills you up as the makeshift stage comes back into view, where the DJ had been just a moment ago. 

to where haechan stood, guitar on its stand, eyes already trained on yours, an expression of white hot anger on his face. 

—

"him? really?" 

you can still feel his touch on your arm, from how he dragged you into the bedroom. 

you're frozen on the steps. 

haechan signals to mark, ignoring the questioning looks from the members and protests from the boy as he steps off the platform, making a beeline for the stairs. his brows are furrowed, his teeth gritted as he glares at you. 

"you wanna go upstairs that bad?" he murmurs. "lead the fucking way, princess." 

he starts towards you, and you take a step back, body colliding with the door. the sound seems to ground him, and he takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, finally turning away to sit on the bed, the space allowing you to relax just slightly.

"i thought," he starts, patiently, swallowing hard. "i thought i told you to find someone to take care of you, for your first time."  

the reminder of his words feels like a stab in your chest. "i thought you didn't care," you shoot back. 

he ignores you. "did you come here with your friends? where's jaemin?" 

what the fuck was wrong with him? "who are you to tell me what to do?" 

his lips part, but no words come out. sighing, he rubs his face with his hands, still trying to calm down. "y/n," he starts again, voice pained. "i don't want to see you get hurt."

"how do you know he would've hurt me?" 

his eyes meet yours. "did you tell him?" he asks, quietly. 

"tell him i was a virgin? yes." anger seeps into your tone, as you glare at him. "he reacted very differently from you." 

"y/n that's not a good thing!" he stands up, his voice raised. "are you that desperate to get fucked?" 

you step back in alarm, tears forming in your eyes. fear, of the situation you almost put yourself in, of the boy in front of you, makes your throat close up, and you can't help the way your body tenses. the cruelness of his words settles in a little too late, an acidic burn in your chest. 

haechan feels the tips of his fingers go numb as you start to cry, guilt flooding his mind in a way he rarely felt. his face crumples, and he does't know what to do when you curl in on yourself, every sound you make feeling like a punch to his ribs.

"i'm sorry," he whispers, reaching for you tentatively. when you don't pull away, his arms circle around you, and he makes sure to leave enough space for you to breathe or break free if you wanted to. "i'm sorry," he repeats again, as you sink into his chest, needing his warmth as much as you hated his presence. 

"take it back," you mumble. "take it back right now."

"i take it back," he says, immediately. "i didn't mean any of it. i'm sorry." 

"you don't get to reject me," you start, voice shaky, "and control who i choose to be with."

he sucks in a breath, gripping onto you a little tighter. "y/n –" 

"it's…it's fucked up," you hiccup, fisting at the fabric of his shirt, crumpling it in your fists in frustration.

"i know," he breathes. "i know." 

his hand comes up to stroke your hair, and you hate how it really does manage to comfort you, your breaths steadying as he pats your back clumsily. when you think you've calmed down enough, you place your hands on his chest, and he backs away instinctively, looking down at his feet. never meeting your eyes.

"i'm tired, haechan," you whisper. "i don't want to play whatever game you're playing." he doesn't respond, so you continue. "you don't want to fuck me, but you don't want anyone else to." 

"i do." his response is so quiet, you barely catch it.

"you want other people to fuck me?" 

"no, i don't." he lifts his head, his expression conflicted. "i…i want to be your first time." 

"what?" 

when he doesn't respond, you sigh, agitated. "haechan, i already told you i don't want to play your games anymore –" 

"not a game," he cuts you off, softly. "i'll take care of you." the gentleness of his voice makes you feel small. it's almost overwhelming, the way he looks into your eyes, without his usual apathy and bitterness. 

"i thought you said you don't do that?" it takes you all your willpower to not give in. 

"i don't," he breathes. "but with you i will." he's starting to think he has no choice – that there's no one else in the world who's going to take care of you the way he knows you need. he doesn't know when he decided to give in, in between watching you place your hand on that man's thigh, and you standing in front of him now. all he knows is that he either had to do this, or make you disappear from his life entirely. 

the words hang in the air. even now, feeling so torn and hurt and tired, your body can't help how much you want him, hyper-attuned to the little details in his appearance: the messy black nail polish scrawled on his nails, smoky eye make-up that makes his gaze all the more intense and devouring. there's a heady smell hanging onto his skin and clothes, rich and indulgent vanilla and musk, filling up your senses with a giddy desire. long legs in a pair of ripped skinny jeans, his thighs stretching out the fabric in a way that almost looked like it hurt. 

"okay," you mumble. his lips part, but you answer him before he has a chance to ask. "please take care of me." your voice is small, yet each word seems to catch fire, incinerating the air between you. 

his tongue darts out, wetting his lip. "yeah?" 

you nod. finally giving in to the pull of your body, you take a step closer, looking up at him through your lashes. 

"i'm sorry…about all of it." he murmurs. "thank you for trusting me, still." 

you can't think of anything to say, so you nod again. it feels like your heart is in your throat. 

he swallows. "do you…you shouldn't…" his eyes dart around the room. "we shouldn't do it here. in…in some strangers bedroom." gently, he touches your arm, looking at you hesitantly. "would you feel comfortable if we did it in your apartment? or i could bring you to my shared apartment with the band…they wouldn't be back yet. but we might have to be quick…"

your head feels like it's spinning. 

at your lack of response, he rambles on, eyes focused on yours, trying to discern your thoughts. "w-what do you think? or…if you really want to get comfortable i don't mind booking a hotel, it's a little last minute but-" he bites his lip. "do you want to meet somewhere else or i could take you in my car? i haven't drank much, i swear, but if you don't trust me-" 

"stop," you blurt out. 

he freezes, the hand grazing your arm dropping to his side, fingers playing with the rips in his jeans. 

"i'm sorry," he says, softly.

"no, i mean…stop asking me questions." you exhale. "i trust you," you repeat, softly. every word of it was true — despite everything, you were still the same person sitting on his lap up on the rooftop. "just…take care of me, however you want." 

he swallows. "you sound…" exhaling, he shakes his head to clear it. "okay. is your apartment empty?" 

"yes," you whisper. "jaemin's away for tonight." 

"i'll drive," he murmurs. and now he takes a step closer to you, until he's all you can see, the room melting away. "but before that…can i kiss you first, princess?" you nod, transfixed by him, as he leans in. 

haechan kisses soft. 

his lips are plush, and soft, taking your bottom lip between his own sweetly. he tilts his head slowly as if he's afraid he'll overwhelm you by moving too fast, his lips parting as he invites you to do the same, his hands going to the back of your head to guide you. a soft sigh escapes the back of his throat when your lips part and he can taste you, and you can taste him — vanilla like how he smells, with the slight bite of alcohol. your hand comes up to touch his round cheeks, surprisingly soft too, and he smiles into this kiss. 

he's the one to break apart from you, with a patience that feels rehearsed. he's taking care of you, as he leans in so your noses brush, your breaths mingling. 

"haechan…" he hums, encouragingly. "i…you know this isn't…my first kiss, right?" 

a pause. "i know," he murmurs. 

"so… so you don't have to be gentle." you squirm slightly as his touch grows heavier, eyes darkening at the implications behind your words. 

he backs away from you, hands pulling you with him as he sits down on the bed. his eyes flick down to his lap as he lowers his gaze, before dragging them painstakingly up to yours again. 

"sit, princess." 

this time, when he feels you tremble against him, your knees caging in his hips as you straddle him, all he does is lean in and kiss you — just as sweet as he did the first time. 

"i'm gentle with you because i want to be," another kiss, his tongue sliding against your bottom lip. "not because i have to." his fingers guide your chin upwards, baring your neck to him as he leans in and leaves a kiss on a spot under your jaw. and then a longer, more lingering kiss. and now he's making his way down your neck, each press of his lips on your skin longer and rougher than the last, and now you're sure he's sucking marks onto your neck, especially when you feel a slight sting of teeth. 

you're shifting against him restlessly, body hardly your own as you fall under his touch. you don't know how long you spend there, in his lap, as he works on your neck, taking breaks to kiss you on the lips, his sighs echoing into the cavern of your mouth as it falls open with need. it's when he sucks lightly on your tongue, almost boyish in the way he backs away with a small smile, when a soft sound escapes your lips. 

"yeah?" he murmurs, leaning in again, letting the tip of his tongue brush against yours gently. "you like that?" 

you nod. 

"you sound so pretty," he breathes, as he slots his lips with yours again, humming against yours as you let out another small whimper. 

"haechan-" you mumble, and he draws away, looking at you expectantly. "i think i'm ready." 

"really?" his hands on your waist give you a light squeeze. "you want me to take you home now?" 

you're still giddy from the heat radiating off his skin, your lips craving his contact again now he's stopped kissing you. you nod, and he smiles, gently guiding you off his lap as he unlocks the door. 

he's gentle the whole way down – as he leads you away from the main staircase so you wouldn't be seen, the crowd still distracted by the band. he cradles you carefully against his side all the way out of the back gates and into his car, and when your breath catches as he leans over to buckle your seatbelt for you, he's gentle even as he presses into you for a spur of the moment kiss, tongue licking into your mouth with more fervor. 

it's not a song that plays in the car as he drives and you try to remember the way to your apartment, but rather it's a low and sultry beat — bluesy harmonies stretched out over pulses. part of you wonders if he played it on purpose, because imagining his voice set against it already had you melting against the leather seats.

it would all be rather sweet – how gentle he's being, the soft way he smiles at you in the dim lights of your lift lobby, the way he holds your hand and lets you lean against him as you head higher and higher, the space around you feeling like a vacuum of trapped adrenaline and lust. 

but there was also no denying the fact that he jolted at the slightest sound, his grip on you tight and slack all at once, the tenderness in his eyes here one second and gone the next. a hurt you could almost taste on your tongue, that you were holding onto something so fragile, and that to him it seemed the worst thing that could happen would be if he were found with you.

—

but all of it changes, when you're alone in your room. the weight of his attention, that you'd felt even as one person amidst a screaming crowd, seems to intensify tenfold as he lets his jacket slide to the floor, eyes on you. 

he reads the apprehension in your body, the way you hover near your bed, waiting for him to guide you. 

"let me know if it's too much, okay?" he murmurs, as he pulls you in for a hug first, feeling you warm against him as you cling on to his embrace. "you can tell me to stop whenever, and i will." his hands rub circles up your waist, teasing on the silver of skin between your top and your skirt. 

you nod, but he shakes his head – a thumb brushing across your cheek. 

"use your words," he murmurs. "so i know you mean it." 

"okay," you breathe, now guiding him to the bed yourself, curiosity getting the better of you. you had almost forgotten, in the midst of everything, why exactly you went to the party, and the familiar need sparks back to life in you. 

haechan sits down against the headboard, pulling you into his lap, the movement feeling even more natural now. he can see that you're nervous and eager at the same time, hands fumbling with the soft material of his shirt, unsure what to do as you shift around on top of him. 

"can i kiss you?" in the soft lamp light of the room, the sharp-cut edges of his face seem to blur, large doe-eyes looking up at you kindly. it makes you want to lean in, so you do — slotting your lips with his boldly, kissing him the way you wanted from him. it surprises him, the way you press your lips against him harshly, the gentle graze of your teeth against his plush lip. 

he lets out a small laugh, and kisses you back just as fiercely, the atmosphere in the room melting as temperature skyrockets, until it's almost unbearable to be separated from you by layers of fabric. 

"may i-" he mumbles, tugging at the hem of his own shirt, and when your voice chokes out an affirmative, he's quick to yank it over his head, movements rough, exposing beautiful skin, his body warm and solid under your palms as you lean into him. 

your cheeks warm, and he notices – a small smile on his face as his hands cup your cheeks, and he gives you a sweet kiss, abruptly different from the others. suddenly, it's almost too tender, the way he looks up at you with endearment in his eyes, kissing you chastely, and you sink into it a little guiltily, enjoying the innocence of it. 

when you feel your heart reach its boiling point, your own hands go to the hem of your shirt, and you pull it over your head. you don't mean to slow down your movements, not meaning to tease or entice, but the way his eyes darken looking at your body made you wish you did it on purpose. 

"pretty," he praises, head dipping to press a kiss between your collarbones. and another one, lower done, almost reaching your cleavage. the bra you had chosen mindlessly that morning was a thin bralette, and it did little to hide how aroused you were, your nipples poking stiff peaks through the fabric. 

but still, he doesn't make any move to remove it, peppering kisses on your bare chest, over the slope of your breasts, almost slobbering at your skin, lips dewy and wet. his arms are firm around you, meeting each one of your movements and steadying you, helping you rock your hips into him as desire surges in your body. 

"haechan, –" his name had never sounded so breathless falling from your lips.   

"yes, baby?" 

the term of endearment makes you feel smaller in his lap, the only thing making you feel better was the way he was just as heated as you, his breaths coming hard and fast. he wanted everything to be perfect, he never wanted to rush you into anything you weren't comfortable with, his hands staying firm on your lower back. 

you tug at the bralette covering your chest impatiently, the fabric never feeling more uncomfortable on your skin. 

"you want me to take it off?" he asks, head nuzzling into your neck as his fingers wander up your back. you feel it loosen around you, his finger expertly fiddling the clasp open, dragging it down and accidentally brushing against your hard nipples, making you hiss.

"i'll make you feel good," he promises, softly, lowering his head, kissing down the slope of your breasts. he makes eye contact with you, searching your eyes for any form of discomfort.

"be gentle," you murmur, nodding for him to continue. "they feel sensitive." 

"of course," he mumbles, before starting to lightly kitten-lick at your nipple, the feeling all at once new and arousing, making you pulse against him in his lap. he circles his tongue around your areola, being as gentle as possible, opting not to flick at your nipples but rather suck one into his mouth, heart-shaped full lips sinful against your chest. the heat between your legs is overwhelming, as he switches to your other side, his hand coming up to knead your breast, warm palms moving over skin and making you giddy. 

"please," you whimper, as he laps at you. "please, i need you, please –" 

"you have me," he murmurs, one of his hands reaching out for yours blindly, scrabbling against the back of your hand from where it's pressed against his chest, flipping it over and interlocking your fingers. "i'll take care of you. lie down for me?"

he moves you off his lap, guiding you onto your back, propping up pillows you can rest against. the familiar feeling of your bed is only faintly there, your senses filled with the sweet heady smell of haechan, from the perfume and lotion clinging onto his skin, as you watch him remove the numerous rings on his fingers, placing them carefully on your bedside table. 

haechan kisses his way down your body, suckling on your skin, leaving longer, lingering bruises on your hips, finally reaching your thighs as he lowers himself down. he guides your hips up with a heavy hand, sliding a cushion carefully under as he situates himself between your legs. you're so sensitive, that the feeling of his long hair against your skin has your thighs sliding together, squeezing around his head accidentally. 

"you okay?" he murmurs, as he kisses your thighs again, patiently easing your thighs open. 

you suddenly feel shy, knowing he was about to see you so intimately. even when you had agreed to let him take care of you, even as you trusted him completely, you had never imagined seeing him in between your spread legs like this, somewhere you hadn't even explored much yourself. would he be disappointed or disgusted? what if he didn't like what he saw or felt? 

"baby…." he rubs a hand carefully on your thigh, tips of his fingers slipping just under the hem of your skirt. "is this okay? do you want to stop?" 

"i don't want to stop," you admit, and you find that its true. 

haechan looks at you, studying your face. after a moment, he crawls back up your body, brushing the hair out of your eyes before he brushes his lips against yours softly, as if asking for permission. you grant it, lips parting as his warm mouth meets yours, a welcome taste in your mouth that's become familiar. you kiss for a while, his hand finding yours in the mess of sheets and intertwining your fingers, until you feel confident enough to slip your other hand to the zipper of your skirt. 

you tug it off your legs, haechan breaking away from the kiss to help you, moving down your body. 

"i'll take care of you," he whispers, his hand never letting go of yours. "these are so pretty, baby," he whispers, a finger tracing over the lacy pattern on the front of your panties. you've never been more aware of your own arousal seeping out of you, as he places a kiss low on your hip, and then another just on the waistband of your panties, and suddenly, you want nothing more than for them to come off. 

your fingers tug at them impatiently, and he takes hold of your hand, kissing your fingertips lightly. "let me," he murmurs, and you hear something low and raw in his voice, something that maybe wasn't there before. sitting up slightly, he pulls your panties down your legs, assuming his position as quickly as he'd left it once the fabric was out of the way, rearranging your legs so they're spread open for him. 

the tension in the room fills your lungs up like smoke. you barely mumble his name, beg him to do something, before you feel a soft touch against your clit, making your hips jolt and you let out a sharp exhale. 

"let me hear you," he encourages, gently, as he starts to rub circles into your sensitive nub, dipping down to your entrance and spreading your wetness all over your cunt. your hips keep shifting around, so he pulls his arm around to press down into you, keeping you still for him as he slowly pleasures you.

"t-this feels…" you start, lost in your own head. you've touched yourself before, but the sensitivity seemed to be heightened to an exaggerated amount once it was someone else touching you. he looks up at you, face still wickedly beautiful, the gentlest look in his eyes laced with something like desperation.

"can't believe i got so lucky," he murmurs, suckling a kiss close to your heat, high on the soft skin of your thigh. your legs clamp around his head, and it makes him groan, breath heavy against your cunt. "you're pretty everywhere, baby. can't believe i'm the only one." 

the words flood your veins with a dark thrill, the idea of being his, of him taking all your firsts. "hypocrite," you mumble, cutting yourself off with a moan as he applies more pressure to your clit. 

"maybe a little," he admits, shyly, as he dips his head back down and flicks your clit with the tip of his tongue, his fingers sliding down to your entrance instead. 

you cry out at the foreign feeling, the wet muscle of his tongue stroking your clit expertly while his slender finger slips past your entrance. his name, strung along by curses, echoes from your mouth as he teases his finger in and out of your entrance, tongue lying flat and wide as he laps at your clit in a way that made you feel like you were already close. 

stiffening his tongue, his flicks your clit with the tip, humming into you just as he curls his finger against your walls in a come-hither motion. he knows when you cum — back arching as you seemed to chase for stimulation above you, your walls sucking tightly around his finger and kneading it eagerly, making him groan as he imagines the feeling of you tight around his cock. he lets you ride out your orgasm on his face, his nose bumping your clit and eliciting another drawn out whimper, tongue teasing your entrance. 

when your hands push at his head, he backs away easily, once again making his way up your body to check on you, the warmth of his bare chest against yours making you feel safe. 

"good?" he kisses you, tongue moving against yours, inviting you to take a taste. "did you like that, sweetheart?" 

you nod, gasping. "haechan…"

"you did perfect for me, baby." his hands run up and down your sides as he kisses down your neck, enjoying the way your body wraps yourself around him, arms pulling his weight down into you. 

"i still need you," you murmur. the pleasure from before had only satiated you for a little bit, and the feeling of his hard length poking at your thigh was making your head spin with a whole different level of desire, as you grapple for his belt. "please, i've been good-" 

"you're perfect." he comforts you with a kiss. 

he guides your hand away from him gently, unbuckling his belt and letting his pants slide onto the bed as you lie back down on your pillows. tugging his underwear down, you swallow as he squeezes his thick length, the pink tip leaking clear liquid. he watches you watch him spread it on his length, pumping himself slowly, drawing out the pleasure as he moans, a sweet tenor sound that rings lewdly in the air. you watch, mesmerized, as he thrusts his hips forward a few times, stroking himself with a slight twist of his wrist before letting go abruptly, letting his cock slap up against his lower stomach. 

fishing around in the pocket of his discarded jeans, he takes out a condom wrapper, opening it quickly and rolling it onto his cock. you're sure you're making a mess of the sheets, you can feel your arousal and his saliva on your thighs, can feel another gush of wetness seep out of you as he lowers himself over your body and slides his cock against your folds. 

he grinds himself on you, hoping to get you wetter so it may be less painful when he enters you. his fingers find your clit again, this time he rubs it urgently, with just the correct amount of pressure to have you shaking and lifting your hips into him. 

"stop me anytime," he reminds you, as he lines himself up to your fluttering entrance. "you have to relax for me, baby." he pitches his voice lower now, and you can't tell if he's comforting you or if he's slowly being pulled under by lust too. he makes soft shushing noises, nipping at your lips with gentle kisses as you whimper, feeling the bulbous tip of his cock slowly stretch you open, his fingers resuming his movements. the head of his cock still feels shallow inside you, when it suddenly brushes against a sensitive spot, and his fingers on your clit glide just right, making you cum, hard. he feels you clamp down tightly around his tip, and he hisses, eyes squeezed shut. his mind wiped clean for just a second as pleasure thrums through his entire body, an aching pain that makes his mouth hang open.

"'m sorry," you whimper, tears prickling to your eyes as you interpret his expression as annoyance. "i'm so sorry, it just felt so good —" 

"baby…" he looks at you, his face morphing into panic when he sees the tears in your eyes. "don't apologise, please, you have nothing to be sorry for." 

you still look unconvinced, so he reaches for one of your hands, holding it in his and kissing your fingertips. "you are so pretty when you cum," the filthy words sound sacred the way he says them. "and you felt so fucking good around my cock," he murmurs, voice sinking low again.

you begin to relax again, sniffling slightly as you adjust your legs around his waist, feeling him slide a little deeper into you. he coaxes you into taking more of him, kissing you sweetly as he slips in further and further, until finally the both of you are groaning, his body shuddering slightly against yours as he feels your warm gummy walls tight around him. 

"so tight," he groans, cursing again under his breath as he circles his hips, drawing a moan from you as your thighs tense. "how are you so tight?," he panted, tone still teasing despite him trying desperately not to buck his hips into you. "has no one ever fucked you before or something?" 

you don't have it within you to tease back. 

"only you, haechan." the words are reverent, hushed. it strips him of any of his cockiness, his teasing, his boldness — his features softening at the way you look up at him, trying to maintain eye contact even as the ache between your legs drove you insane, not wanting to waste a single moment of this, in case it never happened again. 

"haechan…" your nails rake against his back, drawing him out of his daze. "please fuck me." 

"fuck," he breathes, as he slowly starts to move in you, obsessed with the way the words sound in your voice. his thick length drags against your walls, heavy inside you, the wet sounds of your arousal seeping into the room. you feel full and stretched out, sated by having him so close to you, it feels like you can feel him deep in your gut the way he's thrusting into you, especially when he hikes your legs higher on his waist, drawing a long moan from you as he manages to stimulate a spot inside you that has you seeing stars. 

he changes his pace, now barely pulling himself out of you as he nudges the head of his cock against your sweet spot. licking a long stripe from your neck up to your ear, one hand tangles itself with yours, while the other ghosts over your sensitive nipples. 

"i'm cumming," the words come out rushed as you barely hold onto your senses, cumming harshly for the third time, your body thrown into pleasure as your muscles tense. he succumbs to the feeling of your walls kneading his length and squeezing tight around him, eyes going unfocused and hazy as his lips part, a moan drawn out from his lungs without conscious thought. he's aware of the way your muscles tense as he fucks both of you through your highs, relishing in the sting of your fingernails on his back as he slows down his movements. he draws out both your highs by leaning in and sucking on the mark he'd left behind earlier that evening, letting his moan buzz and fizzle on your skin. 

you feel dazed and tired, arms never letting go of him, legs unwilling to unwrap from his waist as you cling to him. he rolls you both onto your sides, caressing your body sweetly and stroking your hair, mumbling questions and concerns that you can't register, nodding to everything in a blur. the weight of him feels good, his body warm and solid against your back, and once again that feeling of safety, that feeling of complete trust, washes over you. it makes you feel whole even as he pulls out of you with a wince, discarding the condom in the trash by your bedside. 

you cling to him, and he knows you need it — so he doesn't let you go, heavy hands patting your back clumsily, slightly rough and out of rhythm, just like the way your heart beats against your ribcage.

when he feels your arms loosen, relaxing finally after the high of hormones and adrenaline, he slips away quickly to the bathroom, putting on his underwear as he goes. he grabs a towel, turning your tap on to warm water and checking the temperature with his wrist as he washes his hands, his face, cleaning himself up. running the towel under the water and squeezing it dry in the sink. his movements methodical, as he slips out of your room and into the kitchen, looking around for a glass of water. 

he immediately races back the moment he hears a sound from your bedroom, shutting the door behind him just as you sit up, your expression clearing once you see him again. pulling his shirt from where it's discarded on the floor, he slides into bed, kissing you on the cheek. 

he cleans you up with soft strokes, the warm towel soothing on your skin even though he hadn't really been rough. he makes you drink from the glass of water, watching you drain it carefully. finally, slipping his large shirt over your frame, swallowing at the way it envelopes your body, a feeling stirring in his gut that he ignores. 

"y/n? are you with me?" when you don't respond, wide eyes looking up at him, he touches his fingers to your cheek. "baby?" 

each brush of his skin against yours felt like trails of fire, lingering warmth even after he pulls away. every look he gave you through his lashes, the slight pout to his lips when he broke away from a kiss, made you feel like you were caught in a riptide, your pulse out of your control. you wanted to crawl into him and make a home in his chest. you never wanted him to look at you again with his shuttered eyes, to have to dream yourself into the skin of someone else as he touched them. 

you had to tell him. "haechan…haechan i…" you reach for him, and he pulls you into his embrace, shushing you softly. you try to speak again, lips parting, but he envelopes your lips in a gentle kiss, nipping at your mouth each time you part, swallowing all your sounds with the sweep of his tongue. 

"princess…" his voice sounds raw, and coarse. "don't say anything you don't mean." 

"but-" 

"you don't know me." was it regret in his voice, or your wishful thinking? "you don't know me at all. what you're feeling right now…" he touches a hand to your chest, brushing a kiss on your cheek. "it's because of the sex, alright?" 

you shake your head. 

your next words come out slurred, your eyelids starting to droop as sleep begins to tug at your mind, threatening to pull you under. "but…why can't i know you?"  

he takes a deep breath. "i don't want you to."

"but i don't want this to end." 

he holds you tighter against his chest at your words. 

"this?" he questions, quietly. he keeps his voice light, but it still pierces your heart like a shard of glass. "there isn't a 'this' princess. this isn't happening again." 

"why?" 

"i don't want you to get attached." he cradles you even more carefully against him, freckling mellow kisses onto your forehead, the contrast between his words and his actions ringing dissonant in your ears. "besides… why would i spend the night with the same girl twice, hm?"

sleep softens the hurt from the words he's saying. his voice fades slightly, his touch against your skin roaring ever louder in your ears. "you know i won't be here when you wake up, right?" his fingers brush against your forehead lightly, pushing hair away from your eyes. 

you knew. 

but you still cried in the morning all the same — the golden-orange sunrise beautiful and terribly cruel, just like the boy you were perhaps falling in love with. 

—

you spend the weekend alone. 

you spend the weekend wondering if haechan thought of you at all, after he left. thinking if what he said was real, and it was just adrenaline and lust, then why did your heart ache at the thought of him? at his face on posters outside the small concert venue, inviting you to a show next week? why did you always turn at the slightest hint of his voice? 

you try to forget him. you try to tell yourself he wasn't worth it. but deep down all of it, a part of you still hopes, which is perhaps why you were letting jaemin drag you past the poster of haechan, into the alleyway that led backstage.

"are you sure you need me there?" you pull at jaemin's sleeve, your other hand holding onto his spare camera carefully as he guides you into the venue.  

"i do," he insists, pushing through a set of doors leading to the stage. "mark wants extra photos for their social media page and i can't be doing all of that at once." 

you can hear the boys talking just around one of the curtains, sprawled out onstage, a cacophany of sounds as they absentmindedly plucked at their instruments. you were going to see haechan again. you can't tell if it makes you want to run towards them, or go back home. that familiar sense of hope, the kind you experienced in the crowd that first night, on the balcony, in the bedroom and in the moonlight, fills you up slowly, sweet and light. maybe, if he just saw you again…

"y/n-" jaemin puts a hand on your arm, stopping you gently before you could rush onto stage. 

"yes?" you prompt. 

"i know i dragged you here, but if you're feeling uncomfortable," he starts, and you start to slip away, but he only tightens his grip. "let me finish — if you're feeling uncomfortable, or if any of them are hurting you, let me know okay?" 

you hadn't told him about haechan, something close to shame seeming to rise up and choke you whenever you tried to bring it up. all jaemin knew was that the last two times you had come into contact with the band it had upset you badly, and as your best friend and roommate he never wanted to see you crying on the balcony again. 

"what would you do? beat them up?" 

"i would leave." his serious tone doesn't change, unaffected by your attempt to lighten the mood. 

"but the money –" 

"no job is more important than you being okay," he insists. "i don't want to work for them if they hurt you. okay?" 

"okay." 

even though he looks unconvinced, his grip on your arm loosens and he takes your hand instead, pulling back the curtain with his other. 

you can hear him say something to mark about today's shoot, hear him greet the rest of the members. you guess that mark is rising to greet him, hear something like jisung and jeno standing too, but everything fades to white noise when the sight you're looking at clicks in your mind, the one member of the band who's voice you hadn't heard, who hadn't bothered to turn around at jaemin's arrival.

or rather, the one boy who was too pre-occupied to — considering he had his tongue in a pretty girl's mouth. 

haechan was facing away from you, away from the rest of his bandmates, you could really only see his broad back under his denim jacket, but the careful tilt of his head as he kissed her was all too familiar, as was the movement of his arms around her waist. and when she shifted in his lap, his hands pulling her hips down unto his, you can feel your heartbeat in your ears, a sharp pain searing at your chest in emotions you couldn't pinpoint. 

"fuck, sorry about that –" mark's voice is flustered, and now a tall boy, the bassist, jisung, is stepping in front of you, blocking your view of him. 

"sorry," he echoes, and you're momentarily caught off guard by how deep his voice is - husky and quiet. you blink up at him, fog slowly clearing in your mind, and he smiles shyly. "he doesn't usually do that." 

"who?" 

"um, haechan…" he looks back briefly, and you see haechan helping the girl to her feet, her body crumpled into his like she couldn't bear to be separated from his touch. you feel a wave of second-hand shame again – was that what you had looked like? 

and then jisung turns back to you, towering over you again and blocking everything from view. "he usually only does this after the show, but today…" 

"it's fine," you say, faintly. 

jisung looks at you, carefully. "you're jaemin's friend y/n, right?" 

you nod, half your mind still on what could be going on right now. behind jisung, you see mark pull haechan, now alone, towards a corner of the stage, whispering angrily at him. haechan is slouched lazily, picking at his nails with all the look of someone who couldn't care less about what was going on. 

"i saw you at our last show," jisung continues. "i was going to…i was going…" he breaks off, a little embarrassed, fumbling with his words. "are you sure you're okay?" 

"i'm fine, jisung." you repeat, your voice a little more firm, as you finally look back at him.

he blinks. "you know me?" 

jisung still looked worried, but there was something sweet about the way he shrunk a little under your attention, eyes darting all over your face and around his surroundings, blush tinging his cheeks.

this you were comfortable with – something completely different from the way haechan's eyes always tried to drink you in, or the way your vision would go blurry at the edges when he would stand in front of you. talking with jisung was easy, the confidence that haechan drained from you seeping back and settling in. 

he had meant it, when he said you shouldn't get attached. you just had to learn it before it brought you more hurt you couldn't justify.

"jisung," you emphasise. "of course i know you. you play bass, right?" 

"y-yeah," he stammers, pointing unecessarily at his dark blue bass guitar on its stand. "i don't know, i guess i always thought people didn't really know me even if they knew the band." he fiddles with the hem of his shirt, black hair falling over his eyes. "people usually choose to stand where haechan or mark are." 

"you usually stand on the left?" 

he nods, bashfully, and a smile tugs at your lips. 

"i'll make sure to stand there, later during the show." 

"wow, okay." he pauses for a moment, steeling himself. "how about after?" 

"what do you mean?" 

"would you want to meet…after the show?" he hesitates, voice soft. 

your brow furrows slightly. "do you mean the party?" 

"we don't have to go," he blurts out. "i don't mean…i don't mean like what haechan usually does after the show."  

his name is an unwelcome sting, but the way jisung sneaks glances up at you from where he looks down at his feet makes it a little easier to forget. "then what do you want to do?" 

"w-we can get something to eat." he says it like he just suggested robbing a bank. 

oh. "like a date?" 

mortified, his lips part, and you can tell that he's frantically trying to read your tone, trying to figure out if the idea of it made you uncomfortable, whether you were suggesting because you wanted it. it's so endearing, watching him start his sentences and stop them, the hem of his shirt crumpled and worn out by his nervous fingers. 

eventually, he takes a deep breath, and settles for a question. "d-do you mind if it's a date?" 

did you? 

was there any hope in waiting for haechan, when he had made it so clear that you would never have him again?

jisung is still looking at you like you have all the power in the world to hurt him. 

"i don't mind," you say, softly, feeling a hum of satisfaction in your chest at the way it makes his lips part in blissful surprise. a beat. "do you want it to be…?" 

"yes," he blurts out. "please," he adds, shyly. 

the awkward silence between the two of you feels good, the lightness of it familiar and giddy, like a schoolgirl crush. jisung can't stop smiling, biting his lips slightly as he turns to face mark, who's crossed to the front of the stage to speak to them. 

" — jisung, jaemin will start with your photos first. we'll just be shooting the rehearsal process today, so there's no need to-" he breaks off, brow furrowing. "jisung why are you so red?" 

"i-it's w-warm in here." 

"well you should cool off before jaemin takes your photos." jisung nods, flustered, and he walks offstage with jaemin to prepare. jeno too, strolls away with a wave to mark, leaving him alone at the front of the stage. 

with you. 

mark glances over at you, his eyes darting over your face, trying to read your expression. you can almost hear haechan's voice from that night, the ghost of the hurt still palpable in your bones. but the moment you take a step back, thinking that you should find jaemin and jisung, mark seems to have made up his mind — his face set, he starts to walk over to you, and you find your own footsteps falter.

"um, y/n, can i speak to you for a second?" 

you take a deep breath. "is this about the photos for later?" 

"no…not exactly." he clears his throat. there's a pause, as he seems to pick his words. "y/n, did i do something wrong?" 

you blink at him. "what do you mean?"

"i mean, i know it was a while ago, but i thought we were getting along fine at the party," it feels like he's rehearsed this to some capacity, or perhaps it was just the confidence of being a lead singer. "but then since then every time i saw you…i feel like you've been avoiding me." 

"i haven't been avoiding you." you take a deep breath. "mark, do you have a girlfriend?" 

his eyes widen. "are you…are you asking me out?"

"what?" you balk. "no!" 

"oh." his face falls. "i mean…i just thought…"

"that's just too bad, markie." 

it’s practically deja vu.

haechan stands behind you, his body radiating warmth, and you inhale sharply. surprisingly, he doesn't smell saccharine, the way he always does with the girls he chooses — his skin smells like baby powder and fresh linen. your body is doing that thing again – where you hone in on his presence and the whole world dissolves, and you're hyper attuned to the way his arm hovers near yours, his breath on the back of your neck. anything you were about to say to mark completely lost in your brain. 

exasperated, mark runs his hand through his hair. "haechan…don't be difficult." 

"i'm not." you feel almost numb when his hand touches your elbow, sliding down to hold your hand tight in his grip. "y/n and i have to talk about something." 

"can't it wait?" 

"it's urgent," haechan says, sarcastically, giving you a sharp tug towards him. your feet stumble as haechan starts to walk off, and you turn one last time to see mark standing there, looking a little forlorn, suddenly small under the bright lights of the stage. 

"sorry, –" you mumble out. mark frowns, starting towards you. 

but now haechan really pulls you along, yanking curtains aside and accessing a short flight of stairs. you can feel the intensity of his emotions radiating off him in waves, making it a little hard to breathe as you try to keep up, afraid of what he'll say if your hand slips from his grasp. 

he guides you along a corridor and through a doorway, stepping into the warm light of a dressing room, the door slamming shut behind you as haechan pulls you in. 

you're almost afraid to look at him, but you do anyway. 

he's slightly breathless from the walk down, stooping slightly to lock the door with careful hands. when he straightens and steps towards you, the lights hitting his features, you can see that he's covered up the hickeys on his neck with makeup. something mark made him do, no doubt. 

"haechan -" 

"park jisung? really?" he sneers, backing you into the dressing table. 

 "what?" 

"don't lie to me," he demands. "i saw you." 

"really?" you fold your arms across your chest as he moves in closer, planting both hands on the table on either side of your hips, caging you in. "you looked busy. where did she go, hm? did mark send her away, or did you?" 

haechan rolls his eyes. "that's none of your business." 

"jisung said you don't usually bring girls to the rehearsal," you continue, watching the way his tongue pokes into his cheek in annoyance. "what happened?" 

"you two talked about me?" he demands. "what else did you do? make plans to fuck after the show?" 

"i'm not a virgin anymore," you remind him, your voice laced with a warning. "i thought you only cared about my first time." 

haechan groans. seeing you talk to jisung out of the corner of his eye, seeing your hands brush and his friend's head duck shyly to the side, gave him a weight on his chest which grew heavier each time he took a breath, each time he had to hear one of jisung's small laughs. 

"if you want to have mediocre sex then i couldn't care less," he snaps. "just know that you're going to have to fuck a lot of people before you forget me." 

you can see that you're losing him, the familiar closed-off look coming back to his face, anger dissapating into indifference. 

"what is there to forget?" you ask, hurt and anger making your voice shake. 

haechan is staring at you, his face now so close to yours if you leaned in just slightly your lips would brush. 

"you don't mean that," he says, quietly. 

and just like that, all the fight drains out of you. 

"haechan, jisung just wants to take me out on a date." his features tense, and he bites his lower lip harshly. "would you ever ask me out on a date, haechan?" 

he doesn't respond.

"would you?" 

"i told you," he breathes. "i don't do that." 

"you told me you didn't want to be my first time, and you took it back," you remind him, quietly. 

"that's different." you can't help the disappointment that wells up inside you, and you know he can see it from the way his face falls too. 

"don't look at me like that, princess." he sinks into your touch easily, warmth once again circling your body.  

you don't know if you wished haechan was a liar, or if you wished he wasn't. if he was telling the truth about everything, it would be easier to let go of him, to walk away from someone who could only cause you pain, from someone who played with you over and over again. 

but maybe if he was lying it would all make sense – the way he said he didn't want you and yet kept showing up, the jealousy and the conflict in his voice, all of it would have some sort of plausible reason, one that would mean that maybe he cared for you. 

"i don't want to do this anymore," you mumble, hands placed on his chest. you only push at him lightly, but he backs off all the way to the opposite wall, your words feeling like salt in his wounds. "i can't do this with you, haechan."

"y/n-"

"you have a show soon," you mumble, turning around to look in the mirror. you comb your hair with your fingers, trying to calm yourself down. behind you, haechan's eyes flash with frustration, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows drawn together as he looks up at your reflection. 

"i'm trying to talk to you." 

"are you?" it's a genuine question, and it makes him falter, a response half-formed on his lips. when it's clear he won't finish his thought, you close your eyes. 

"you need to go," you say again, quietly.  

"will you be there?" 

you don’t respond, and he repeats himself, urgently. 

"will you be there? at the show?" 

"i will," you say, hesitantly. 

"i'll see you then." his voice is controlled, and steady. somehow it feels like the calm before the storm. 

but before you can turn around to try to talk to him, persuade him to calm down, ask him what's wrong, he's already left the room, the sound of his heeled boots echoing down the hall. 

—

"is everything okay?" 

"why are they taking so long?" 

"are they late?" 

unease settles in the pit of your stomach as you stand in the crowd, the voices all around you whispering anxiously. it had been 15 minutes since the show was scheduled to start — but the lights on the stage were dim, and the pre-show playlist had just restarted for the second time. you had situated yourself on the left side of the stage, where jisung usually stood, and you bounced on your toes, hoping that everything was alright backstage so jisung could come out and see that you had kept your promise. 

and then there's a low rumble, as lights finally flood the venue, the crowd sighing with relief as jeno and mark appear – jeno waving at the crowd, his drumsticks in one hand, while mark smiles reassuringly, walking over to the mic and checking that it's at the correct height. he apologizes lightly for the delay, looking to the side of the stage nervously as he murmurs a quick introduction of the band into the mic.

haechan strides onto stage, electric guitar slung around his neck, as the crowd's screams reach an all-time high. he stops abruptly at the left side of the stage, right in front of where you stood, nodding at the crowd and cocking his head from side to side, as if preparing for a fight. he keeps his face level as his eyes find yours, that same burning intensity you felt in the dressing room unwavering as he held your gaze.

and then jisung appears, footsteps faltering where haechan stood, the grip on his bass going slack.

"haechan." jisung's voice is soft, you can barely hear it from where you stand so close to the stage. you can tell that the crowd behind has no clue what's going on, but some fans are looking at each other confusedly, pointing at the two boys, and the position on mark's left where haechan usually stood, now empty. 

"yes?" haechan's not looking at jisung, fingers running phantom chords up and down the fret board. 

"w-why are you standing here?" jisung whispered, embarrassment evident in his tone. "aren't you supposed to be on mark's left?" 

haechan's eyes briefly flick up to yours. "not today." 

distressed, jisung makes a sound. "haechan." guilt fills up your lungs like smoke, making it difficult to breathe, a twist in your chest as jisung looks over at you, lost. 

"run along, jisung," haechan murmurs, softly. "don't want to keep the fans waiting." 

mark, not wanting to draw attention to them, keeps smiling at the crowd, starting to ask them a few questions. jisung only tries a few more times, haechan resolutely ignoring him, before finally accepting defeat, casting his eyes over to you — his gaze wounded and confused, as he walks off with his bass. he assumes haechan's position, and the crowd cheers encouragingly. the boy manages a smile. 

when mark starts to introduce the first song, haechan finally looks up, a faint smile playing on his lips as his eyes lock with yours again. just like the day you met. 

and just like the day you met, you felt yourself fall under his spell, yet again. 

—

"haechan, i think we —" you gasp out, in between the kisses that haechan is pressing to your lips. 

he gives a non-committal hum, his legs framing your body as he holds you close to his chest. his lips are warm and soft, tasting slightly of cherries, as he opens you up little by little, chaste kisses turning into open-mouthed ones, his tongue darting out and gently licking into your mouth in a way that was intoxicating. 

you grip onto his arm harshly, trying to ground yourself, and he inhales sharply, breaking away. 

"haechan –" you pant. "we should-" 

but then he's kissing you again, smothering your words with his lips and his tongue. his hands rub at your lower back, guiding your movements as you shift against him, his hips grinding upwards almost lazily. 

"jisung, –" you start, but now he gives a groan, rumbling through his chest almost like a roar. slumped back against the car door, he glares at you, touching the corner of his wet mouth with his thumb.

"you did not just fucking say my bandmates name while you're on me." 

"we should apologize to jisung," your words come out in a rush. 

"for?" he catches the look on your face, and rolls his eyes. "fine," he mumbles. "i'll talk to him." leaning up towards you, he starts to pepper kisses down your jaw, sucking a little harder on the mark he had left before. "kiss me?" he mumbles, and you have to stop yourself from caving in. 

"haechan," you press on, as haechan licks boldly at your collarbone. "haechan –"

"keep saying my name," he murmurs, hands roaming up your shirt, teasing over the clasp of your bra. 

"mark, —" 

"fuck." breaking away agian, haechan tips his head back, lips stretched out and puffy as he tongued his cheek. "you want me jealous princess? is that it? because it's fucking working –" 

"haechan, we keep hurting people." you place both hands on his chest, trying to calm him down. 

"what?" 

"today we hurt mark too. although, i don't really know why–" you break off, thinking about how he looked as he tried to follow after you and haechan. how jisung's cheeks burned red as he walked across the stage. "haechan, they're your friends." 

"you wanna hurt jeno too?" he raises his eyebrows, his own hands now mindlessly scraping against yours. "you can lead him on, and then we can fuck while he watches. although he'll probably like that –" 

again, he takes in the way you frown. "fine. sorry. jeez." 

"i don't want to hurt people because of us," you say, softly. 

"well," he exhales. "they're only hurt because they can't have you, princess." he tucks your hair behind your ear from where its come loose. "there's nothing we can do, hm?"

you shake your head. "you're not being fair," you whisper. 

"how so?" his hands slide down. there's something possessive in the drag of his palms, the way he squeezes your waist. 

"you don't call me yours…but you also don't let them near me." your voice is small, but it rings loud in the silence of the car all the same. the streets outside were empty and deserted, and you think you can hear your heart beating in the still air as your palms stay pressed on his firm chest. "haechan…i need you to choose."  

it's a long time before haechan responds. he's tired from the show and all the adrenaline, you can feel it in his slow breathing, in the way his eyes blink slowly up at you like an afterthought. but his eyes are what give it away – his gaze is sharp and calculative as his eyes roam your body, his touches not quite as drowsy as he appears, fingers tingling against skin. 

you wait, your heart in your throat. you wait and you hope. 

his full lips part, his eyes meeting yours. 

"so…this is our last time together?" 

of course that's his choice. the disappointment spreads like cold, an ache deep in your bones. "if that's what you choose." your voice is flimsy. "haechan, —" but nothing leaves your mouth, just a wounded sound. everything rushing up inside you like a waves breaking over the shore, memories flooding your senses. 

the hurt on mark's face. haechan's hands on your skin. the blush that burned at jisung's skin as he watched haechan pull you to his car, his figure growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. haechan's lips against your ear as he held you. 

"shhh," his arms hold you against his chest, smoothing down your spine as he comforts you as if you were a baby, you clinging on tight to him as if he were going to disappear. "it's okay," he murmurs. "we'll just have to make it count, hm?" gently, he guides your face out of his chest, relieved when he realizes that you're not crying yet, at least. kissing your cheek gently, he brushes his thumb against the apples of your cheeks. "are you alright? do you want me to take you home?" 

"s-stop it." you manage to steady your breathing enough to repeat yourself. "stop being gentle with me, haechan. stop leading me on." 

"stop getting hurt," he replies, a little teasing, but his tone aches. 

"kiss me?" 

this time you do, letting him guide your movements, as he pulls you down into his body as if he were trying to pull you all the way through him. 

his kisses are slow and sweet, tilting his head almost shyly, the tip of his nose bumping against yours as he leans up into you. his tongue carefully slides over your bottom lip, before he's nudging your lips apart with his own again, tongue gently moving over yours, pulling away with a small smile when you chase after him, tongue stuck out slightly, chasing the warmth of his mouth. 

"cute," he mumbles, and you pull your shirt up over your head just so he won't see the way your cheeks burn in the dark. 

his movements become a little more urgent as he unclasps your bra, letting it slide to the floor of his car as he surges towards you. his lips begin to suck marks onto your chest, hands now squeezing your soft breasts, mapping your body indulgently. his tongue licks slowly around your right nipple, before giving it a gentle flick with his tongue, your body shifting restlessly against him as it sends a wave of arousal down to your core. he hugs you against him to steady your movements, lapping at your nipples and guiding each roll of your hips down into his. 

your hands find their way into his hair, pulling him away from you. before you can tell him to stop teasing, he's kissed you again — placating. sweet like he knew everything you were about to say, before you even said it. 

you raise your hips as his hands smooth over the pleats of your skirt, before flipping the soft material upwards. you hadn't worn anything special, not having the courage to, but the way he looked at your simple white panties, thumb running carefully over the pink bow in the middle of the waistband, made you feel warm all over. you hurry to pull them off, just to break the moment, but he catches them right before you tug them off your ankle. 

"can i keep these?" his doe-eyes blink up at you. you can see the brown in his irises, almost gold in the light. you nod, and he lets out a laugh, kissing you through his smile as his fingers wander up your thighs. 

he starts with slow circles on your clit, stroking the nub gently, feeling the way your hips shift at the feeling. when he speeds up his motions, fingers teasing along your slit and catching at your entrance a few times, your hips begin to pick up a steady rhythm, rocking into his hand. 

"do you just want to cum like this?" he asks kindly, placing a bit more pressure on the tips of his fingers. he wants to be inside you badly, his erection almost painful from the lack of contact, but he knew that it might do more for him than it did for you.

this was how he wanted you to be taken care of for your first time, for your second time — this is why he didn't want you to slip away from him into rooms with men who wouldn't know what you needed, wouldn't care what you wanted.

or at least — it's what he tells himself to keep him sane. 

"'m close," you mumble, your movements uncoordinated, neediness driving your hips into his hand, pleasure that you didn't quite know how to handle. "feels so empty, haechan, please –" 

he slows down his movements, a hand sliding over your waist to rub at your lower back, eliciting a warm sound from you that radiates into his chest. he slides a finger into your tight entrance, feeling the way you tense around him, slowly slipping the finger in and out, curling against your walls carefully. his thumb comes up to press your clit, and you inhale sharply as the pressure in your abdomen builds. 

"more…" 

"baby, you're doing so well," he praises. freckling careful kisses on your neck to distract you, you feel another finger catch against your entrance, his hand breaking its rhythm to carefully slide in, stretching your hole out even more. with a lewd suck on the base of your neck, he curls both fingers against your walls, a slick finger slipping on your clit, and you feel yourself crash headfirst into your high, thighs clamping around his hand in sensitivity as you moan. he murmurs praises against your ear, kissing your jaw sweetly between each one. 

he removes his hand from your core with a wet sound, and you drop down into his lap, feeling weak at the knees even though you weren't standing. he lets out a groan, feeling your wetness and warmth through his jeans, and he can feel his cock twitch under the fabric. but still, he waits until your breathing evens out, using his cleaner hand to stroke at your sides, humming lightly under his breath, the reassuring sound filling the car. his breaths sync with yours as you come down from your high, and together you let out a shaky exhale. 

"do you mind?" he asks, quietly, hands going to his belt slowly, trying not to startle you. "we don't have to have sex. i just really need to take care of this now…" you nod, flustered, crawling backwards down his legs, and he leans forward to kiss the crown of your hair. against the soft sounds of your breathing, the sound of him unbuckling his belt, letting it drop into the shadows, and the rustle of fabric as he tugged his jeans and underwear down as much as he could, were endlessly arousing. you felt yourself begin to pulse with need again, your thighs squeezing together when he pulls out his cock, thick and heavy against his palm, the tip blushy and leaking. 

he gives himself a tentative stroke, spreading pre-cum over his length before squeezing the base and hissing at the feeling as he tries to stop from cumming too soon. as if in a trance, you reach out towards him, your hand curiously wrapping around his shaft. he groans, low, as you give him a tentative stroke, although the sound is cut off by a high whimper when your fingers rub the head of his cock, silky under your fingertips. 

"baby, you don't have to –" he's cut off by another moan as you squeeze his length, applying more pressure as you stroke. "fuck, jus' like that," he mumbles, weakly, as you twist your wrist a little on a downstroke, palm slippery with pre-cum. after a few more strokes, watching haechan's head loll this way and that, twisting with pleasure, you pay more attention to his tip, thumbing just under it, fingers rubbing his slit. haechan's hips are restless, thrusting into your hand, his body shaking and the muscles on his abdomen clenched tight. you give him a few more strokes, and his whines fill up the car, raspy and sinful in a way that made you crave him even more. 

mimicking his movements, you slide your hand back down to his base and squeeze. he blinks hazily up at you, lips still parted, panting breathlessly. 

"baby…" 

"i need you," your voice feels broken, desire pulsing through each syllable. "please haechan," you add, as he swallows harshly, his cock twitching slightly against the warmth of your hand. 

pulling you towards him, he kisses you again, fingers wandering down to your heat and stroking your folds. "so wet from touching me, baby?" he teases, smiling against your lips as he slips a finger in, and then another, your walls sucking him in easily. he finds your soft spot immediately, your thighs shaking around his hand as you whine. it's a sound embarrassing to your own ears, but it's like music to haechan's ears, as he lets out a low groan. 

"it's too bad it's your last time with me," he murmurs, lightly, as he takes a condom out from the glove compartment, his hands moving swiftly as he tears open the package and rolls it onto his cock. "i would love to record your pretty sounds…" your voice lets out another small whimper, as if proving him right, as he adjusts you on his lap so the head of his cock lines up with your entrance. slowly, you sink down on him, clutching onto his body for support as you feel him fill you up tightly. 

"breathe," he coaxes, letting his own head sink back against the seats, the hazy feeling of you wet and warm around him intensifying as you take all of him inside you. he continues on, trying to distract you by peppering gentle kisses all over your cheeks. "would you like to hear your voice in a song, sweetheart? all the girls in the crowd wondering who's pretty voice is on the track, wondering who's making her feel this good…" he hisses, when he feels you pulse around him. "you want that?" 

your lips part, stuttering out jumbles of half-sentences, yes-es and nos. "'m just teasing, baby," he coos, as he thrusts his hips upwards experimentally, bouncing you on his lap. you lean into his body, feeling muscle firm under your palms as you raise your hips and grind against him, sensitivity making your thighs shake as the movement stimulates your clit. 

responding to your need, his arm loops around your waist while his fingers wander towards your clit, stroking and rubbing it expertly as he continues to thrust up into you, the car jolting with his movements. his strong thighs tense as he moves, barely pulling out before stuffing himself into you again, your walls kneading his length in a way that makes his body feel hot with need, chasing his climax. your soft sounds each time his tip grazes your soft spot are an aphrodisiac, and he feels himself growing impossibly harder inside you, so aroused it almost hurts. 

"haechan, i'm cumming," you moan, and his fingers put more pressure on your clit, as you bounce on him, eager for release. 

"keep saying my name," he breathes, pulling you close, your bodies moving frantic and unsteady against each other, as you cum, mouthing his name against his skin. he empties himself into the condom soon after, hips still jolting as he helps you ride out the aftershocks of your climax, your breaths echoing loud in the car.

you almost wanted to ask for round 2 — and you were sure he would give it to you, if you had asked. instead you stay silent, feeling emptier than ever as he pulls out, your body draining of his warmth as he cleans you with wipes from his glove compartment, kissing you sweetly whenever your eyes met. the water bottle he procured from the passenger seat of the car making you wonder if this was his plan all along, as you sipped quietly, as he put your address in his phone to take you home. 

—

you can feel him slip away from you on the drive back. 

a sea of red and green lights move across the planes of his face as you watch him drive, one hand on the wheel and the other touching your hand softly on the centre console. you give his fingers a faint squeeze and he smiles, bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing a light kiss to your fingertips. 

when you reach the next intersection, he pulls his hand from yours and puts it back on the steering wheel. 

when he makes his next turn, his shoulders start to tense and the easy, relaxed expression on his face morphs into a stony one. 

and when he finally pulls up in front of your apartment building, turning to face you, the glowing streetlights illuminating the outlines of his face do nothing to soften the blow of seeing him like this again — looking at you with half-lidded eyes, almost lazy in his power. 

"are you coming to the next show?"  

"i want to," you respond, your voice small. "...should i?" 

"it doesn't really matter to me." his fingers tap against the wheel, restlessly. "i just hope you know you shouldn't wait around afterwards." 

you bite your lip. "i know." 

he nods. "so you know this is over?" 

"i know." 

"good girl." it feels like a punch to the stomach, and you inhale, sharply, hands gripping the handle of the car door. waiting for him to dismiss you, as he always did. 

but then he's speaking again, breaking the silence. his voice is softer, a little more hesitant – "do you need me to walk you up?" he's not looking at you, eyes trained on his dashboard. "will you be okay?" 

it's cruel, the way your heart stutters in your chest. you take one last look at him, trying to memorize everything — the sharp line of his jaw, his collarbones, the joints of his fingers, the way his pinky finger crooks slightly to the right. the faint smell of vanilla and something darker, mixed with his warmth. you try to memorize it because you're sure this is the last time you'll be so close to him again, both in proximity, and in the way his voice aches with something close to tenderness. in that moment, you know if you told him you needed him, he would turn off the engine and open your car door, holding you safe against his chest and walking you up to your apartment. but what for? for him to shut off on the way up the elevator, and turn into a stranger at your door? 

"it's fine," you murmur, and you don't wait for a response before stepping out into the warm night. 

—

your ribs press against the barrier, and you wince slightly. the crowd screams loud in your ear, as the boy in front of you looks up from his guitar at the crowd in front of him, dark gaze sliding over faces, tongue poking at his cheek and puffy lips stretched. 

his eyes briefly meet yours, and your heart skips a beat. 

and then he's looking back down at his guitar again, lips pursed in concentration. 

the next time he glances up, the familiar glint is back, eyebrows drawn together. there was something strange about the way he was looking at you, not exactly meeting your eyes. was he looking at your clothes? your hair? or… 

"oh my god!" 

you shoot a brief glance back, at the girl who's just let out a squeal. she claps her hands over her mouth, eyes shining as she stares adoringly at haechan, unblinking. you don't have to check to know he's staring right back — you know the look on her face a little too well. 

the disappointment and jealousy weighing on your chest is entirely unjustified, but you feel it heavy in your bones, anyway. 

he had meant every word: it was truly over. 

–

"did anyone see you?" 

"no," you whimper, as he mouths over the seat of your panties, tongue lapping at your folds through the fabric. 

"good girl," he pants, letting out a satisfied groan when he tugs them down your legs, burying his face in between your legs with a lewd moan. 

but if it was truly over, why did he find you after the show last week, – slipping by you to tell you to meet him in the upstairs master bedroom, where he fingered you open in front of the mirror?

if it was truly over, why did a stagehand stop you from leaving after the next show you went to, passing you a note that told you to wait at the back entrance of the venue? 

"fuck fuck fuck-"

and if it was truly over, why was he currently in between your spread legs, his mouth and chin covered with your juices as you lay on his bed?

"need you now, princess." his fingers brush your clit, and your thighs shake with overstimulation. "are you okay? i can wait-" 

"don't wait," you plead, pulling him towards you. he follows, propping himself up on his arms as his face reaches yours, his lips gently nudging your own apart, letting you taste yourself on his tongue when he kisses you. his sticky hands stroke your sides, leaving trails on your skin. "haechan –" 

he interrupts you with another kiss. freckling more kisses down your neck, he smiles against the mark he left days ago, fading slightly now. "i missed this," he murmurs, and your heart stings, a collection of memories surfacing in your mind – of his eyes avoiding yours at shows. of him waiting onstage for someone else. of him smiling at you cordially, face blank as if he were greeting you for the first time when he talked to you in front of other fans. 

"did you really?" 

he doesn't respond, latching his lips to your skin with a hum, hands cupping your breasts in one swift motion, fingers teasing over your nipples and making your body arch into his touch. 

"haechan…"  

"what do you want, princess?" he wanders lower, licking at your cleavage. your mind threatens to blank when he circles a fingertip around your areola, puffy wet lips closing around a nipple and sucking wetly. "hm?" 

"want you to fuck me…" your voice is shaky, but you press on. "like how you were gonna fuck that girl."  

his hands still for just a brief second. you can see your words hit him, understanding and lust flickering in his responding laugh. he focuses his eyes back on your face, hands now coming up to brush your lips, caressing your cheek, smoothing over your skin almost lovingly.

this is how he was going to fuck her? 

"open up," he murmurs, fingers pressed to your bottom lip. as if stuck in a trance, your lips part. 

a wet mess of saliva, still mixed with traces of your arousal, drips down from his tongue into your mouth, connecting your lips with his in a glossy sheen. his lips tug into a smile as he sees your blown-out pupils, arousal completely overriding his every thought. 

his fingers trace your jaw. "swallow," he commands, sweetly, and as always you do exactly as he says. 

you feel something shift against your upper thigh, your hips rising on instinct to buck against his hard length, still trapped behind his ripped jeans. 

his low groan is interrupted by a sharp rattling of the doorknob, followed by a thud against the door. both of you still, eyes focused on the locked door, straining your ears to hear the voices outside. 

"are you sure no one saw you?" haechan asks, quietly. "did jisung see you? mark? jeno?"

"i don't think so," you mumble. 

that was the arrangement you had come up with a little over a week ago, discussed in heated kisses and bliss-induced haze. you could keep seeing haechan, as long as you never saw the rest of the band again. on nights when he knew he wanted you, you would slip through crowds like a ghost to make your way into warm beds and cold bathrooms, saving him from the jealousy, and saving you from the questions. 

of course, there were a few nights where no message would find you, where he wouldn't grab your wrist as you brushed past him in a hallway, his hands distracted with someone else. those nights used to make you cry, your entire being aching for his attention, his indifference just as bruising as his care. 

the doorknob rattles again, and there's a knock on the door. 

"haechan? are you in there?" 

mark's voice. 

"they're back early from the party," haechan mumbled. to your shock, he ignores them and tugs off his shirt roughly, revealing delicate tanned skin dotted with moles, looking soft-to-touch. 

"haechan," mark's voice is exasperated. "i thought we agreed not to bring girls to our apartment." 

haechan rolls his eyes as his hands go to his belt, ridding himself of his pants and underwear. you can see the muscles in his thighs tense as he makes his way up the bed, hands holding your hips.

"you wanted me to fuck you like the other girls?" he murmurs, low so only you can hear. "well. on your knees." 

"but mark is –" you break off, seeing the way his eyes narrow, something dangerous flickering in his pupils. "but…but they're outside," you whisper. as if to prove your point, mark bangs on the door again. 

and then jisung's voice, low and urgent comes through the door. "who is he even with? the girl he left the show with was alone when i saw her."

"god, are they all outside the door?" haechan grumbles, focusing his attention back on you when you let out a small sound of distress. "forget about them," he soothes, leaning in to kiss you on the lips. his mouth moves over yours searingly, possessive and all-consuming in the way he pushes his tongue into your mouth. "on your knees," he commands, quietly, against your mouth. "i won't ask again." 

a thrill runs down your spine as you flip over, his large hands adjusting you so your back arches, head pressed into the pillows as he holds your hips up. he presses a kiss to your back as he reaches off the bed for a condom, rolling it onto his hard length with a soft groan. you look over your shoulder, see him stroking himself, mouth hanging open. 

"hurry," you plead. you can feel slick on your thighs from the way he ate you out earlier, growing wetter from anticipation. "please." 

he ignores you. "can you be quiet for me?" he mumbles. outside, you can hear the boys discussing something heatedly, voices low so you can't make out the words. "don't want anyone else to hear you."

"yes," you promise, meekly. 

"good girl." he lines himself up to your entrance, reaching around to rub your clit as he runs the tip of his cock against your folds. you let out a shaky breath at the feeling, trying hard not to let it catch your vocal cords. 

one hand on your hip and the other stroking your lower back, he pushes in slowly, letting you adjust to his girth. you feel a sting as he stretches your walls, filling you up deeply while burying himself inside you. he murmurs for you to relax, listening to you take shallow breaths, the way your hole flutters around his length making him want to thrust forward, relieve his own ache. 

"haechan, are you asleep?" 

there's a sharp rap on the door, and haechan curses as it makes you tighten around him, gummy walls gripping him like a vice, as if begging for his cum. 

"you liked that, baby?" his voice is low, and mocking. you whimper. "you like the idea of them coming in and seeing you like this? letting me take you like a slut?" 

"haechan, we know you're in there." now it's jeno's rough voice, devoid of its usual warmth. "we saw the shoes at the door. we need to talk." 

haechan pulls out until only his tip is still inside you, and slams back in aggressively, filling you to the brim. he starts to build a rhythm, thrusting deep and slow inside you, letting you feel the drag of him against your walls as he strokes your clit with his fingers. he was taking his time with you — pausing to lean forward and press kisses to your shoulders, mouthing messily over your skin. 

"haechan, please -" you try to keep your voice quiet, but he chooses this time to fuck you a little harder, picking up the pace, and your mouth hangs open as your aborted whimpers turn into drawn out moans.  

"hm?" he prompts, faking nonchalance. but you can feel that the pace is affecting him too, his breathing growing heavier as he speeds up a little more. 

"harder," you mumble, words feeling thick and slow in your mouth. "faster. fuck," 

a bang on the door. the loud sound makes you jolt, and haechan hisses as you clench down on him harshly again, your thighs inching closer together, creating a tighter fit around his thick cock. 

"i wonder why they're not coming in yet." his voice in your ear is low, sultry. the kind he uses on-stage when he's teasing the crowd. 

"i-isn't the door l-locked?" 

"sure…but it's a really old lock. i know mark could open it if he really wanted to. he's done it before when i'm late for rehearsals, ah fuck-" he's slamming himself into you, barely pulling out before pushing in again, wet sounds filling the room. "fuck, you must really like that. how do you just keep getting tighter and tighter, hm?" 

"haech–" 

"maybe i'll ask them to come in…" he muses, his tone sickly sweet. "i just know you'll cum hard on my cock when they open the door, right? let them see how filthy you are?" 

"don't –", you choke. 

"should i tell them not to come in?" 

"no," you gasp, and he laughs, darkly. 

"no, i should tell them to come in?" he asks between breathless pants, pace unrelenting as the lewd sound of skin against skin fills the room. "you want me to talk to them baby?" 

you let out an incoherent mumble, no longer sure of anything. 

he coos at that. "dumb already, princess?" his hand wanders up to your chest, blunt nails haphazardly scraping across your nipples. your hips push back onto him instinctively, fucking yourself onto his length, your hips chasing pleasure from the sensitivity as you cum. 

"haechan, i'm not leaving until you open the door." another thud, as mark sits down. 

"fuck…" haechan's only half listening to mark as he throws his head back, murmuring curses as he feels you clench around him, milking his cock. it takes all the self control he has to place his hands on your waist, stilling your movements as he pulls out of you. he's so hard that it hurts, and he knows his release is close, but he still shifts your body until you're lying on your back, and he can see your tear-streaked face, drool smeared all over your chin. 

you mouth his name soundlessly, fresh waves of tears gathering on your waterline as you see him move away from you, and you try to sit up to keep him in your line of sight. 

"haechan, –" 

"i'm here," he murmurs, one hand immediately finding yours and squeezing, the other grappling for the water bottle on the bedside table. he unscrews the cap with one hand as he moves towards you, helping you prop yourself up against the headboard. "drink." 

he holds the bottle up to your lips, but you shake your head. "want you," you whisper, even though your mouth feels warm and sticky, your throat dry from moaning. you can't focus on anything except for the emptiness inside you, your clit throbbing whenever you shift your thighs together slightly. you're focused on his hard length, the slope of his shoulders down to his slender waist. you shake your head again, knocking the bottle against your lips and spilling a little bit of the water onto the sheets. 

"don't be a brat." his voice is low, a dangerous sort of patience in his tone. "drink, or i won't give you what you want." 

you swallow, his voice washing over you, pulling you under. this time when he raises the bottle to your lips, you hold it with shaky hands, letting water trickle down your throat. his own hand comes up, touching two fingers to your neck gently, making sure you were drinking instead of pretending by feeling for the movement of your throat.  

"done?" he watches you lick your parted lips, dewy with water and saliva, and takes the bottle from you, placing it back on the stand. "do you want to keep going?" 

you nod, slowly. 

"use your words," he commands, quietly. 

"please don't stop," you plead, shuffling towards him. it feels like the fog has cleared slightly in your head, the water making the heat haze dissipate. vaguely, you're sure that mark, jisung, and jeno must know what you were doing – must have heard the headboard thumping against the wall, haechan's low groans and your breathless whimpers. 

you wonder what mark is thinking now, outside, not leaving and yet not breaking in like haechan said he could. it sends a wave of arousal down to your core, some part of you wanting him to see the way you break for haechan, completely and wholly his. your way of rejecting him without having to see his face – your way of explaining why you ignored him whenever he caught your eyes during shows and after-parties. 

haechan reads you easily, observing the way your eyes flicker to the door. he's torn between opening the door himself — letting mark see you on his bed, fucked stupid by him, or stepping outside and telling mark to leave because no one should see or hear you like this but him. 

"do you want me to tell mark to leave?" 

"n-no," you hesitate. "don't."

he raises his eyebrows. "why?" 

"w-want him to know that i'm yours," you mumble, a hand wrapping around his thigh and squeezing. 

haechan's eyes darken. “mine?” he echoes, quietly, almost gently.

you're so focused on the shift in his features – the set of his jaw, the way he tenses, that you barely notice he's sliding off the bed and picking you up effortlessly so that you cling to his upper body, legs gripping his waist. his lip curls into a smile, head tilted mockingly as he starts to walk, strong arms holding you up.

your back hits solid wood, and you gasp. 

"haechan?" mark's voice is crystal clear on the other side of the door. 

haechan adjusts his grip, pushing you against the door as he slides his tip along your dripping cunt, making you squirm in his hold. 

"be good, hm?" he whispers, as he pushes into you, eyes squeezing shut and jaw dropping open at the feeling of your walls sucking him back in, pulsing along his length and making his cock throb. when he opens his eyes again, his gaze is unfocused, hazy, and you can see that this situation is heightening his arousal, causing his thrusts to be sloppy and unfocused as he chases his own high. each time he pushes into you, the weight of his hips snapping against yours pushes against the door, and you hear it jolt a little, the lock jiggling.

mark's shouted expletive rings against your ears, mirrored by haechan's own as he captures your lips in a kiss. the feeling is familiar and new at the same time, his tongue sliding languidly over yours, swiping against your bottom lip. at the sight of your parted mouth and wet lips, he moans again, and without hesitating he spits into your waiting mouth, sloppy and messy, causing it to dribble past your lips and down your chin. 

the rhythm against the door is unmistakable, and you can hear footsteps as mark runs off. haechan laughs, a pleased hum in his chest that vibrates against your own as he leans into you, and he mouths down your neck, biting at your shoulder and letting his low groan scrape against his throat as a growl. you cum when your stiff nipples brush against his chest, the tiny bit of stimulation just enough to throw you over the edge into your orgasm, your thighs clenching around him as you sob, your core aching. 

the feeling of your walls rippling around his length is too much to bear, and he barely lets you ride out your orgasm on him before he's pulling out of you and carrying you back to his bed. haechan tugs off the condom urgently as you lie there, tired and spent, watching as he strokes his length, fast, eyes fluttering open and shut with lust, his hips thrusting forward uncontrollably. his thumb ghosts just under the head of his cock, and then he's cumming all over your stomach and chest, sticky white spurts pooling on your skin. 

you watch him out of half-lidded eyes as his breathing slows, collapsing next to you in a heap. the high from the sex hasn't faded yet – the consequences of being heard by all his bandmates hasn't hit you, as you bask in the temporary glow of being his. 

a finger traces along the cum on your stomach, haechan transfixed by the sight. curious, your hands grab for the small mirror on his bedside table, and he comes out of his daze, handing it to you wordlessly. 

in the moonlight, the marks he's made on your skin blur with the shadows. no part of you looks untouched — your tear-streaked face and kiss-swollen lips, bruises on your hips and the sting of the bite mark on your shoulder. your hands tremble a little as you focus the mirror on where his fingers play with his drying cum on your skin, tracing lines and curves. 

"'m yours," you mumble out. 

"yeah?" he chokes. "mine?" 

dazedly, you point to your neck. "yours." 

he groans, just watching you, eyes roving over your body. "you're beautiful," he whispers. you think he means it.

"more." your voice is quiet. 

"no more, baby," he murmurs, looking up at you with concern. "it's too much for you." 

you shake your head. "these could be from anyone," you point at the marks on your neck. his body tenses, hands stiff on your skin. "i want to be yours." 

slowly, your words settle over him. he looks at you with an unreadable expression, the kind you see right before he strikes his first chord, the moment his eyes find yours in the crowd. a dark sort of determination, in the way his holds your gaze. 

he reaches over, and opens a drawer. you can hear the sound of things knocking around inside as he roots his hand around, finally emerging with an eyeliner pen. through the mirror, you can see his hands splayed out over the space just under your breasts, pulling the skin over your ribcage taut. his tongue pokes out into the lower corner of his mouth as he places the tip of the pen to your skin. 

he loops once. skids the pen downwards. jerks it up harshly, ending off with jagged motions, each brush trailing ink on your skin. 

when he's done he leans backwards, raising his eyebrows, asking you wordlessly if this was finally enough. his signature on your body, next to the bruises and marks and last remnants of his cum on your skin. 

—

"haechan?" 

he doesn't respond, but a part of you expects it already – you've memorized the way he leaves. 

"why didn't you fuck that girl tonight?" 

he takes his time, taking a long sip from his bottle of wine. from where you lie on the bed, you can just see the broad frame of his back, his side profile as he looks out of the window and at the moon, bright in the sky, the milky glow illuminating his skin. without his makeup, he looked like just a boy – pretty features almost dainty on his face. it's his hands which break the facade, calloused and rough, with veins that make your head spin when you think about them for too long, holding the bottle up to his lips. 

"didn't feel like it." 

you think about his answer, blinking slowly from the sleepiness. "why did you fuck me?" 

he faces forward, away from you. "felt like it."  

"why?" 

"i'm beginning to question that too," he replies, bluntly.

hurt aches in your bones, as silence rings loud in your ears. "if you don't want me here i can just go," you say, softly, and you're sure your voice sounds as wounded as you feel. "you've cleaned me up. i can leave if you want." 

you can see him stiffen, his shoulders tensing up. 

"where's jaemin?" 

of course. sitting up, you wince at the ache between your legs. "he's probably asleep," you answer, bitterly. "but i can just call a cab –"

his back muscles tense, and then he's shifting from where he sits on the edge of the bed. sliding into the space next to you, he rests back against the headboard, legs stretched out over the sheets. a hand wraps around yours. 

"ask me easier questions," he mumbles, turning your palm over so he can lace your fingers together, giving them a reassuring squeeze. 

your breath stutters. 

"what did you talk about? with the band?" 

after cleaning you up and tucking you into bed, haechan had finally stalked out of the bedroom to talk to mark, jisung and jeno. he hadn't said a thing when he returned, holding a bottle of wine, placing it on the bedside table before stepping into the bathroom wordlessly to remove his makeup. 

haechan blinks down slowly at your intertwined hands. "they asked me what was going on." 

"what?" 

"i've been losing focus," he mumbles. "during shows and during rehearsal. and jeno noticed i kept ditching girls at parties, said it wasn't like me to not be fucking around at all." 

a beat. 

you bite your lip. "you're…you're losing focus?" 

but he just shakes his head. "they're wrong." 

you can see that the topic is upsetting him, so you rush to ask another question. "do you write any of the songs that the band play?" 

he raises his eyebrows. "so you care so much about the band now? does that mean you're a fan?" 

he ignores your mumbled excuse, squeezing your hand again to let you know he was teasing. "mark usually writes the songs," he answers. "i don't have much to write about." and then, with a little more force, "ask me questions about me, not the band."

"what does this tattoo mean?" you place the tip of your finger just below his ribcage, where there's a small doodle of a bear paw. 

"people say i look like a bear," he mumbles, a little shy. even in the moonlight, his pouty lips and round cheeks are evident, his shoulders broad as he slumps against the headboard. 

"i see it," you confirm, and a smile flickers on his face. 

"yeah?" he looks over at you, and his free arm loops around your shoulder, squeezing you into his side. his affection buzzes in your veins, as you try to divert his attention with another question. 

"and what does this tattoo mean?" your other hand comes up again, now to trace at the sunflower peeking out from the base of his neck, trailing down to his shoulder. 

he takes a deep breath. "my sister picked it." 

"sister?" 

"baby sister," he adds, softly. "she just turned six. this is her favorite flower." 

"oh." 

"why?" he tilts his head, bumping your own gently. "do i not seem like an older brother?" 

"i think…" you hum, contemplating. "not when you're onstage," you decide.

"do you think i'm different? from when i'm onstage?" 

"i don't know you enough to judge," you say, truthfully. aside from the sex, and from the brief moments right after when it felt like he was truly there, holding you, the haechan you knew was mostly the one flooded with stage lights, the kind of boy you had to beg to earn his attention. 

haechan goes quiet, his hand on yours stilling, and you turn to look at him. tension is filling up the room, slow and thick like a fog, and you can't breathe against the weight of everything — the weight of his gaze, the almost boyish way his eyes flick down to your lips and back up to meet yours. 

"do you want to?" 

you bite your lip. 

maybe two weeks ago your heart would have leapt, maybe you would have begged for the opportunity to have him closer. 

but your body has already had time to learn disappointment, to defend yourself against his callousness and his cold, learning the art of slipping in and out of intimacies. every line crossed, every boundary blurred. 

"do i want to?" you echo, and you see him falter. 

maybe his own words held more weight than he'd anticipated. 

"you don't?" 

or maybe he was just scared to hear your answer. 

"will you let me?" you reflect the question back to him. his fingers twitch against your shoulder where he's still holding you.

there were some nights where it felt as if he was taking his adrenaline out on your body, or where he was making you forget the fear of being caught by overriding your senses with pleasure. there were others when you fell so deep into a headspace, that he would care for you gently, something romantic and tender in the negative space between your bodies. 

and ultimately all of these nights ended the same – the same curl of his lip, his face closed-off, his voice too steady and unfeeling.

"how would you let me know you?" it's only when he flinches when you catch the harshness to your tone, your own words leaving a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. "by barely letting things slip every night?" 

"y/n…" it's not meant as a warning. your name is spoken softly, with an ache in it that makes goosebumps rise up your arms. "i thought you were fine." 

"i am," you insist, feeling defensive. "i'm fine with you pretending you don't know me, or when you disappear on the drive home." 

"y/n, –" 

"just…don't say things if you don't mean them," you finish, mumbling your words to mute the hurt in them. 

there's a long silence. 

and then, his voice, so delicate and fragile, like he was afraid his words would bruise the space between him and you. 

"we're playing at a bar this friday." 

you make a sound of confusion, and he continues on. "it's only for a few fans who won some sort of a lucky draw. they get to talk to us and get autographs." 

"i didn't enter," you cut in, but still he continues on, as if he was trying to get the words out before he lost his nerve.

"i'm inviting you now. and….and afterwards i'll leave with you and we can go to my place." he swallows. "my real apartment. not this one i share with the band." he lets out a shaky breath. "i don't… i don't usually bring girls there, if you can't tell."  

"but…" the wheels in your head are turning slowly, as you try to catch up with what he's saying. "but if i'm there… and it's such a small crowd…the band is going to see that i'm there. 

"they will," he confirms quietly. 

"they're going to know you invited me. because i'm not a fan." 

his lips twitch. "but you like me, no?" 

"i do," you concede, absentmindedly. "but i thought you said…the band…" 

"i don't think i really care about that anymore." his thumb dips low, brushing over the space under your ribs where his name is temporarily tattooed against your skin. "i…" he hesitates, before his thumb swipes against your skin again, and he takes a deep breath. "i told them about you. just now." 

you feel like you're falling – a sense of vertigo making your head spin.

"what did you say?" 

"just that…there was a you," he finished, lamely. "that we see each other more, but it's nothing." his hand squeezes yours, a gentle pulse. "nothing yet, anyway."

"i'll take it," you murmur, holding his hand clasped in both of yours and kissing him lightly on his fingertips. his face crumples, his chest caving in on itself with the weight of the tenderness he feels for you in that moment, and he leans in, tilting his head, eyes fluttering closed. 

he kisses you like it's a promise, close-lipped and earnest. it feels almost like the two of you are finally on even ground. 

— 

"what are you trying to do?" 

you jump, as the light in the small kitchenette flicks on. dirty dishes pile up in the sink, mugs scattered over the countertop, and the boy leaning against the fridge focuses his gaze on you. his voice is gentle, a mellow sort of sweetness undercut by the deepness of his voice. not in the way jisung's was deep, but a bass to it that gave it authority, one that the boy seldom had to use. 

"what do you mean?" 

jeno tilts his head. "y/n, do you know why haechan likes to fuck girls after his shows?" 

the sweetness on your tongue from haechan's kiss decays into bitterness. 

jeno doesn't seem to care. "he gets high off the feeling of the crowd. it's something he doesn't want to let go of, so he finds someone who adores him and makes them prove it." his eyes bore into yours, unblinking. "he doesn't care who he's with, y/n. he just likes the way they sound, screaming his name." 

"but why doesn't-" you choke. it  feels almost like you're betraying him. "why doesn't he date?" 

jeno raises his eyebrows, and you feel pathetic. it’s a long time before he finally answers.

"all the girls are only after the version of him onstage. it's him they like, and haechan's just extending the performance. would you want to date someone who only liked one side of you?"

"but i don't just like that side of haechan," you protest, weakly. even then, you don't know what other sides you're alluding to — was it his gentleness with you? how he always held you after? the one who let his baby sister pick his tattoos?

"y/n?" 

a soft voice sounds out from the corridor leading off into the bedrooms. sleep-ridden syllables mumbling out into the still air, calling your name. 

"where are you? is everything okay?"

jeno's looking at you with someone like pity in his eyes, the way your body turns towards his voice like an instinct. "haechan isn't even his real name, did you know that?" 

he crosses over to you, and places his mug into the sink behind your back. "try not to get too loud," he murmurs. "we're all tired." 

and as haechan pulls you into his warm embrace, palms wandering over your skin, you bite your tongue and keep as quiet as possible.

—

haechan's head snaps up as he sees the door swing open again and more girls wander into the bar. there are excited squeals and shouts as they spot the band, he can hear mark's warm laugh and see jisung's wave out of his peripheral vision. behind him, jeno's methodically checking on his drum kit, and haechan can feel his eyes on the back of his neck, as if he knew. 

his eyes scan the crowd again, praying he was wrong. but deep down he knows he would recognise your voice anywhere, be able to spot your features even in total darkness. 

and right now, you weren't there at all. 

his body goes on autopilot, muscle memory kicking in as he plays the chords, does his solos, nods along to the music. the crowd is frenetic, watching the way his eyebrows are drawn together, tonguing at his cheek, his lips downturned — the anger tense in his body making them whisper to themselves, wondering why this was part of his performance today. he keeps his expression slack as he signs autographs, nodding curtly towards fans as they bid him goodbye timidly, intimidated by his stormy gaze. 

he doesn't understand why it makes his insides twist, each time he searches the crowd and darts his eyes back to his guitar. maybe he'd just gotten used to seeing you front row at his shows. maybe that was all this was — and you were a bad habit he should have broken. 

it's what he tells himself as he lets his hands brush against the girl's as she holds her poster out to him, smiling a close-lipped smile, eyes dragging up and down his body excitedly. he lets her think it's a part of the performance, as he rails her in the bathroom of the bar, his eyes squeezed shut as she moans his name into the sink, trying to ignore the way her body didn't react at all like yours did, that his hands couldn't find purchase on her skin at all, and her voice made him want to crawl out of his skin. 

you were a bad habit he should break — at least that's what he tells himself to keep him sane.

-> part 2 here!

taglist: @neochan, @ahncosette, @18shy @kittydollzz @jenoslutie @pussymode @yyfka @cheolctrl @jaeminsballs @mysummerhyuck @strawberrytyong @rosiejunnie @nctzen4eva @haechskies @wickedrei @sundamariis @simpforarmihn @liliansun @lanadreamie @nodisdino @angelwonie @foxydumps @manooffline @moonsmias @skzct7 @iscocohere @ficrecnctskz @smwhrinthehaze (sorry there were q a few i couldn't tag!)

[bits-and-babs]

✦ 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ✦

captain john price x f!reader (raven) | smut, 18+ | 4.2k

summary: when a seemingly bulletproof mission goes awry, captain price makes the vital mistake of pursuing the target alone and contributes to the chaos that almost claims the life of one of his men. When he returns, he lacks the humility to accept your reprimand lying down.

cw: mwiii spoiler free. war and violence, mentions of wounded, ooc price maybe a little? angst, enemies to enemies that fuck, reader is pathetically attracted to price because same, literally a voice kink fic disguised as a deep throating fic, very light degradation, bratty behaviour from reader, heavy face fucking, hair pulling, praise, gagging, very little aftercare.

price mlist | main mlist | taglist

It all goes tits up.

Shouts of distress arise across the coms in the CIA conference room, blaring through the headphones glued to the watchers’ heads. Ghost’s gruff voice calls out a casualty, leading General Shepard to launch out of his seat and crash his fist against the tabletop. Mugs of coffee tip over from the force of the impact, liquid bleeding into top secret documents- they aren’t his primary concern.

“Lieutenant, this is Gold Eagle. Is there an issue, Ghost?” Shepard’s voice snarls down the coms.

“Sir, it’s Soap- he’s been hit.”

Hanging your head between your shoulders, you barely register the orders that Shepard screams into the microphone of his headset, his spittle peppering the laptop screen where he oversees the mission descending into chaos. Your ears are ringing, your heart thumping wildly against your sternum. Further panic ensues, Gaz shouting a brief, hurried explanation of the mission breakdown. “… snipers in the mountain, sir. Had to dispatch them- I can’t see Captain Pri—”

“Bravo 2-6, this is Raven. Confirm Captain Price’s location,” you insist, swallowing the alarm that threatens to haemorrhage from your lips.

“Negative, Ma’am. Lost him while dispatching the snipers.”

“Fuck,” you mutter, feeling your blood boil at The Captain’s recklessness. “Fuck!”

Your fingers blur over your keyboard, focusing your attention on John Price’s coms. Again, Shepard barks orders at Ghost, but you can’t hear him over your own heavy breathing and pressing tone as you address Price in a fury.

“Captain Price, this is Raven; confirm your location immediately!”

Silence at first. Coffee drips from the edge of the tabletop by your feet, pooling into the navy-blue carpet. It stains like blood, a dark smear. You can imagine it in Price’s camo uniform, spreading thick and fast from a bullet wound- a direct hit to the chest.

“We’re gonna lose Hassan.”

“Captain Price,” you yell down the microphone, simultaneously relieved to hear his voice and enraged at his increasingly frequent decision to go AWOL, “We will most definitely lose Hassan if I must bury every member of 141! Return to Team Bravo immediately!”

You’re almost certain you can hear Price’s teeth grind together, the enamel straining under the weight of his fury and threatening to crack down to the root. “Are you tellin’ me we let him go?”

“Captain Price, I am telling you that we were given faulty intel. I am telling you that we are sustaining heavy losses and that Sergeant MacTavish is critically wounded, and I am calling for EVAC!” Your knuckles are bleached where your fists hover over the keyboard, nails digging into your palms so hard you’re sure the indents they leave burrow straight to the bone as you await confirmation of Price’s retreat. “Task Force 141 is a priceless tool against Al-Qatala. I cannot afford to lose every member for the sake of a man we will ultimately have to chance to apprehend again!”

Your eyes float to General Shepard. He’s furious, his irises swallowed by the hollow blackness of his pupils as he jerks his head in confirmation of permission to evacuate 141. It shouldn’t have come to this.

“Do you copy, Captain Price?” You yell down the microphone, finally losing your cool with the maddening Englishman that continued to defy your authority.

“… Yes, ma’am.”

**

The ticking minutes-hand of the analogue clock that hangs above your desk sweeps away half of the day before you have confirmation of 141’s safe return to American soil. A further two hours of urgent, life-saving surgery have you chewing your nails to the quick. By the time word reaches you of Soap’s stable condition, your nailbeds are bloody and raw.

“Intel confirms a convergence of Las Almas fighters on the Mexican-Guatemalan border. We believe they intend to smuggle Hassan out of Mexico and into Venezuela, where they would almost certainly grant him sanctuary. Air surveillance suggests that armed guards patrol the border twenty-four seven, concentrated significantly around a central point where we suggest they will attempt to help Hassan over it. Ghost and Soap will lead a special operations unit to kill all Las Almas fighters on sight. Captain Price and Gaz will handle Hassan and the fighters guarding him with the help of the Mexican Special Forces. Captain Price, you have execute authority, but we want Hassan alive for interrogation.”

Enraged by the complete breakdown of the mission, your mind replays your mission briefing repeatedly, scanning the tiniest of details in vain hope of understanding how such a concise and faultless plan had almost killed a vital member of your task force. You couldn’t have made it more transparent, having covered every possible eventuality. Even the risk of faulty intel had been accounted for, enough backup issued should teams Alpha and Bravo find themselves outnumbered, yet…

“Captain Price and Gaz will handle Hassan and the fighters guarding him.”

High-ranking officials sidestep you as you turn the corner to your offices, just barely escaping your warpath as you zero in on your target. The heels of your polished shoes crack against the lino flooring of the hallway like gunfire, the sound ricocheting off the walls and alerting those in your way to your fury.

Perhaps it would explain the wide-eyed shock already present in both Shepard and Captain Price aimed at the door of the General’s office when you throw it open with rage.

“John!”

“I fucked up--“he attempts to assure you of his guilty conscience, gesturing vaguely to his commanding officer, who no doubt had already laid into him over his poor decision-making. It does little to dispel the bubbling temper that churned in your stomach and coated your tongue with a sour taste.

“You’re damn right, you fucked up,” you scoff loudly, watching Price cross his thick, bulky arms across his chest as he surrenders to your verbal onslaught. “Your decision to ignore my plan and, arguably, go AWOL nearly cost Johnny his life! I’d issued a faultless mission briefing and paired you with Gaz against Hassan! With Gaz!”

General Shepard watched you chew up Price from his seat at his desk, lacing his fingers across the surface littered with pictures that looked as though they’d been ripped from the bodycam and air surveillance footage of the failed mission. Photographic evidence of Price’s incompetency—or rather, his blind faith in himself that he could singlehandedly take on a small army of Las Almas fighters and legendary terrorist fighter Major Hassan Zyani.

A bitter spark flashes across Captain Price’s cerulean eyes, his inflammatory retaliation worming its way between his gritted teeth and rumbling in his chest.

“It’s easy for you to criticise my split-second decisions when you sit behind a desk every mission, barkin’ orders with coffee in your hand.”

It’s a miracle that you restrain yourself, momentarily considering issuing a reminder of your military prowess in the form of hand-to-hand combat. If it weren’t for the haggard strain of John’s voice from his bellowed EVAC orders in a desperate attempt to save Soap’s life, you’d have connected your balled-up fists to his face. Instead, you spit in retaliation.

“Need I remind you that before I used to call the shots, I used to shoot people?”

Price lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head at your comment and opening his mouth to argue. You don’t let him, smothering the threat of his stupid rebuttal of ‘with what, a water pistol?’.

“Your decision to pursue Hassan nearly killed Johnny,” you repeat the undeniable fact, punctuating it with a violent jab of your finger towards him, “Do you realise how close I was to calling into Scotland? How close I was to organising the coffin to bring him home in? How dare you undermine me- disrespect the resume that put me in that seat and the people I killed to get there, Captain.”

If it weren’t for you, Price’d be standing in the pews of a church in Glasgow, draped in black and drenched in red.

Clearing his throat suddenly from his seat, General Shepard just barely splits the brutal tension bludgeoning your skull in the form of a migraine that only seemed to arise in the presence of Captain John Price. It thumps against your temple when Shepard makes a show of standing from his seat and pointing to the door.

“I can leave you both here to sort out your differences. The last thing you will both do is undermine my authority by screaming like petulant children in the corridor in front of my colleagues. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” you both manage to address him, eyes still pinned to each other like a missile’s locking system. Shepard grunts, and you note the twitch of a muscle in Price’s lower eyelid, his anger threatening to claw its way out of his face before he erupted with it.

The door to Shepard’s office swings open, heavy footsteps passing the threshold. In a sick, comedic chain of events, he doesn’t bother to pull it closed again. Instead, it creaks as the hinge closes achingly slowly.

You feel sick when you stare at Price. Not because you fear the words he could aim towards you in a critical hit—instead, you felt nausea at the concept of hearing the gravelly tone of his voice alone, the stabling force of your commanding officer absent.

It’s a dirty little secret that you’d never allowed yourself to speak. Even four Proseccos deep into a rare Christmas gathering of 141, you’d swallowed the word bile down that threatened to use your inebriation to rid yourself of the guilt. Price had admonished your choice of alcohol that night, commenting on how you could have chosen something better- like whiskey. The rumble of his voice in his sarcastic assessment had pooled in your stomach like the liquid amber he had suggested.

How could you possibly admit that the tone of his voice, so gritty and deep, swelled in your clit when you went to bed at night. That you replayed the ridiculous, pathetic one-liners he’d utter over the coms to you. The one time you’d issued a warning of an incoming threat, and Price had offered thanks in the only form he knew to give you: “Tha’s a girl”. You’d made a late-night Amazon order for new bedsheets and a mattress protector that same evening.

Click.

The door shuts, and the sound makes you jump as though John had slammed his fist on a big, red nuclear button.

“Are you done?”

The swallow that drags down your throat at the husked whisper he’d started with is far more audible in the now silent room. The spiteful gaze you had levelled at Price melts away, transfixing on him instead with something akin to dumb-struck, doe-eyed idiocy.

“P-Pardon?” You stumble over the two-syllable word that had confidently come to mind. Working in a building that relied so much on manners, there was absolutely no excuse for butchering a word you used upwards of fifty times a day.

Price’s eyebrow arches pointedly at you, the flickering ember in his irises that had previously resembled an inextinguishable fury instead glows with an amused curiosity at your very sudden surrender.

“Are you done making me look like a rookie in front of General Shepard?” He clarifies, stalking forward. He crosses the space between you both with long, cocky strides that make your heart pump double time when he finally settles in front of you. “Are. You. Done?”

“Hah-!” You laugh. You mean for it to mock his ridiculous notion, but instead, it’s all choked, nervous and airy because that damn voice knocks the oxygen from your lungs like he’d rendered a sucker punch to your gut. Price’s eyes pin you to your spot on the floor, root your feet to the coffee-stained carpet.

It’s utterly infuriating how he tilts his head in a smug observation of your panicked expression. You can see the exact moment he notes the tremble of your inhaled breath and the heat of your arousal rolling off your body. Fuck-

“John-“

There it is. Comprehension. The glistening sweat at your temple, the wide-eyed nervousness in your expression, and the breathy whisper of his name all surged forward and lit the bulb of realisation in his mind. You can practically see the golden glow of it in his pupils, a switch tck’ing when he murmurs an ‘oh’.

His lips split into a toothy, wily grin, “Oh, look at you, Station Chief.”

You bristle with panic with the way he makes a point to emphasise your rank, your lips parting in shock when he reaches up to grasp your chin in his hand.

“Who are you to question my decisions? You don’t even know if you want my cock in your mouth or your cunt.”

The sheer filth he utters makes your head reel as though he’d fed you some of his mind-numbing whiskey. You’re confident you’re gawping at him when he smirks at your reaction, his calloused thumbpad brushing across the bridge of your jaw. It reminds you of the way he caresses the trigger of a sniper rifle before he fires it and how you’d spent so many nights imagining that touch when you circled your clit-

“How ’bout we start with your mouth?” He urges you with a smokiness that rivals the puffs of his cigar. You loathed him for his smoking habits when the acrid scent clung to your hair but worshipped him for it when you buried your nose into your pillows when you came with a silent cry of his name.

You see his smirk widen suddenly, and it takes you far too long to realise that you’d let out a devastating whine at his lurid suggestion. John’s fingers and thumb settle on the pillowy flesh of your cheeks on either side of your mouth, pushing against them until your lips are pursed. It’s undignified, far beneath your station, but then-

“Gunna wanna open that mouth nice an’ wide for me, Dove.”

You sink to the floor of your commanding officer’s office floor before your rational mind even has a chance to talk you out of the offence- or acknowledge the choice of pet name that cheekily undermined your call sign. Your perfectly tailored office trousers crease beneath the weight of your knees… But suffering through cleaning and ironing them again was worth the rumble of a groan that fell from John’s lips as he watched you kneel for him.

“Fuck,” Price hums in appreciation, those gorgeous sky-blue irises swallowed by the midnight black of his pupils once more, “Spend all your time issuin’ orders, but you just needed someone else to take control, didn’ you, Love?”

For a moment, you hesitate. It’s improper, the way your knees ache with the hard floor beneath them. A tiny, quiet voice urges you to stand and rush out of the room before you damage your reputation any further, but the clink of John’s standard-issue belt buckle has your jaw falling slack before the idea can truly take root.

“Look at you,” he stresses again as he pulls the length of the belt from its loops with a slow thwppp sound, “So greedy for my cock. Anyone would think you’d been desperate for it all this time.”

John drags down his zipper, watching you look at him through your lashes. You don’t dismiss his hypothesis, instead choosing to stick your tongue out for him in an obscene act of fervour. The haggard groan that lurches from John’s lungs settles deep inside your cunt.

“You filthy girl,” he gasps, hurrying his hand into his trousers. He doesn’t even strip the pants from his hips, instead fishing his cock from his boxers and settling his balls against their waistband. “You have, haven’t you? How often did you touch yourself beneath the table while I spoke to you over the comms? Hmm?”

You’re so far gone now, so drunk on the idea of the agitating, ridiculous, utterly infuriating Captain finally fucking you that you might have answered that question-- if you’d heard it. Instead, his voice, which previously captured every fibre of your attention, drowned into the background of the thumping pulse in your ears. His cock sits just in front of your face, and it’s like you can’t breathe.

Ruddy and red at the tip, his cock already drools precum down the curve of its shaft. Veins throb beneath the thin, velvety skin, their ridges glistening beneath the wet tracks that his leaking seed leaves. It settles at the base, where his heavy balls rest against his boxer’s elastic waistband.

His question dies in the thick tension in the air, and you lean forward on your knees to press your drooling tongue right at the base of John’s cock where his precum pools. Your unexpected starting position causes John to spit out a curse, his fingers flying out to grip the strands of hair at the crown of your skull. “S-Shit-“

Saltiness coats your tongue where you lap up his cum, flattening your tongue against the underside of his shaft to trace his pronounced frenulum. Dragging your tastebuds upwards, you collect the tracks the droplets had left behind until the tip of your tongue rests on the underside of his fat cockhead. It’s disgusting, the relieved whine that escapes your open throat, but the vibration tips Captain John Price over the edge.

“Fuck! Eyes on me, Dove. Wanna see your eyes- that’s it.” John’s face contorts, brows creasing, and the edges of his lips turned down beneath the coarse hair of his beard as you look up at him, kissing the head of his velvety dick and slipping it into your mouth.

“Take orders so well. So obedient,” he purrs, the rumbling sound edging into a moan when you ease more of him into your mouth. He’s trying to play off the power dynamic, you note. Getting off on the fact that you’re his superior, but that he held the authority like this. A playful resentment teases the edge of your mind, urging you to remind him of his place.

You drag the edges of your teeth over his shaft. Not hard enough to hurt- just enough for a singing hiss to echo in the quiet room when you pull back from his cock.

It’s a mistake.

John grasps your hair at the back of your head, winding the strands around your fingers and suddenly rocks his hips forward. The length of his cock slides deep down your throat, and you splutter as your nose crushes into his pubic bone. “Couldn’t fuckin’ help yourself, could you?”

His gravelly reprimand swirls a ghost-like touch around your clit, and you gag around the length that intrudes against your throat walls. Price tuts softly, feeling your nails dig into his flesh beneath the camo canvas still covering his muscular thighs. It’s only when tears cling to your lashes that he draws your head back with a pull of your hair.

Gasping down a heavy breath, you splutter when John groans loudly. His cock twitches, drooling more precum as you gasp for breath, and he drags his eyes across your face. “Good fuckin’ girl. Takin’ me like that- didn’t it feel good?”

God, you’re nodding pathetically, tongue already lolling from your lips in a silent plea for more. The heaviness of his cock against your tongue and the vibrations of his lurid tone are enough for you to cum on their own, and you want more of them. John groans, a chuckle settling somewhere between the sound as he grasps the nape of your neck.

“Jus’ like that, you dirty girl,” he urges you, his free hand tapping at his balls in a wordless order. This time, you obey, tonguing over his finger before taking one of his balls into your mouth. You can hear the shaky exhale that rattles in his lungs when you suck.

“So fuckin’ good for me. I’ll fuck you against that desk one day, you hear?” You see him point in the corner of your vision, his index finger aiming at General Shepard’s desk. Realisation slams into you and rocks your clit with arousal- Shepard could walk in at any second and see his right-hand man stuffing Captain Price’s cock down her throat in the ultimate show of disrespect. John doesn’t seem worried about it. In fact, it’s as though he gets off on the idea, his eyes darting to the door as he details his plans for you.

“Think you’d look real nice on it. Far better than ‘is tacky nameplate. We’d make a mess together, get our cum all over it so he can smell jus’ how wrecked I left you-“

Moaning around the length of his cock, your clit throbbing desperately with his words, the vibrations cause John’s hips to lurch forward again. The head of his dick prods the back of your throat, but John’s tight grip doesn’t allow you to pull back. He’s buried to the hilt, twitching against your palate.

“Fuckin’ droolin’ for it, Love. It’s dripping down your chin—Fuck, you look so pretty like this,” He’s slurring his words as he watches you bob your head up and down on his length, swallowing around him and just barely holding back your gag reflex. It’s quick, messy, and loud, the wet sounds ricocheting off the office’s walls.

“D’you think he’s got cameras in here?” John muses, his voice thick with his incoming orgasm. The sound of it, the arousal coating his tongue has you whining desperately, “Why don’t you touch yourself, hmm? Give ’im a show.”

You sob around his girth like he’d just offered you a miracle. Fumbling, you don’t even bother wasting time trying to shove your hand down your trousers. Your fingers find the vague outline of your cunt through the crotch, roughly circling your clit through the layers of material.

It’s all you need. Your eyes roll back into your skull at just how close you are to cumming, your thighs trembling beneath your weight. You soaked through your panties and into the crotch of your trousers.

“Fuckin’ slutty girl,” John gasps, and you feel his cock jump at the sight of you already teetering on the edge, “’s my voice getting’ you off? Fuck, you’re fuckin’ perfect-“

Stop. Stop; you need him to stop. Your orgasm is ebbing at the edges of your abdomen, threatening to swallow you whole and drawing up tight, but John won’t shut the fuck up.

“C’mon, Love. Deeper. Deeper, that’s it. I’ll fuckin’ lick your pretty pussy if yo-“

His promises drown out with the surge of bliss that roars in your ears. Price times it perfectly, rocking his cock further down your throat so that you gag around his length. The lack of oxygen causes your nerve endings to sing when it cracks down your spine, bursting through your abdomen and spidering across your limbs like white-hot plasma.

Everything is loose with ecstasy, and it allows Price to issue one, two, three more brutal thrusts of his hips before he’s choking out a haggard warning that he’s going to cum.

“F-Fuck-“He chokes out, holding the nape of your neck before burying himself as deep as he possibly can without choking you, hot ropes of cum spurting down your throat. Even in your post-orgasm haze, mind numb, you swallow him down greedily. Big, heavy gulps, even licking your lips when he removes his dick from your throat to milk out the last drops of his cum onto them.

“Tha’s my girl, good, don’t let a drop go to waste.”

Price’s hand pushes back the mess of your hair from your face, careful to remove the strands that had clung to your tear-soaked eyelashes. You hold your breath, heart stilling its rapid beat as he brushes his thumb across your cheekbone to swipe up the tear tracks that had leaked from your eyes during his assault on your throat. It’s a single moment of tenderness, barely there, before he withdraws his touch to stuff himself back into his pants.

“Can you stand?” Price asks, his voice even hoarser than when you’d first walked into the room, like the moans you’d elicited from him were like sandpaper in his already raw throat. He holds out a palm- but you’re not cock-dumb enough to believe it’s a makeshift olive branch.

“Yes,” you whisper, matching his brutalised tone with your own as you bat away the helping hand he offers you. Price can’t help but scoff at your dismissal. Turns out even a dick down your throat wasn’t enough to change your uptight attitude. He watches you stand on shaky feet, trying to smooth out your creased knees before Shepard could wonder how exactly you’d made such a mess of yourself.

Besides your heaving breaths, still desperately pulling oxygen in your lungs to soothe the burn, the room is silent. Price finishes righting himself, smoothing his fingers through his cropped hair.

“Don’t forget what I said,” he murmurs, eyes sliding over to the desk. His promise to fuck you on it only barely re-enters your mind following a pointed look. Satiated somewhat by the blistering orgasm that had ripped through you, your rage struggles to roar to life like it had when you’d entered this room. Now it smelt like sex, and your anger only simmers in the base of your stomach.

“That is not happening again,” you promise him firmly.

“Mhmm,” he hums, following Shepard’s footsteps towards the door, “We’ll see about that, Dove.” 

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[lost-creatures]

Cannulation

When cattle eat too much high protein forage they can develop bloat. If left untreated for long enough, drastic measures are necessary to prevent losses.

Reader Discretion Advised: woundplay, veterinary medicine, bloodlube, cowgirls, t4t, yuri

I found her in the field. Laying there in the dew laden clover, curled up clutching her gut. She was in agony, weakly mooing. It was damn near 9 in the morning and who knows when she got out. She doesn't know why she can't be out here this long. She just hates the silage and wants to be outside. She is pitiful. Writhing. She bites her lip and her eyes are pleading as I approach her flank. I'm not sure she understands what has to happen. I slide a steel cannula over the trocar in my right hand.

She's misread me. She bucks her hips slowly as I straddle her and run my hand down her ribcage. My palm brushes the soft side of her belly as I reach the final rib. I trace the tip of the trocar over her until I'm halfway between the rib and her iliac crest. She whimpers as I press the tip into her side. The flesh yields, red beads at my tip and I drive sixish inches of steel through her gut and into the offending organ. I trap her waist between my thighs and hold her at the wrists to stop her squirming as I remove the trocar and leave the cannula held in place by the tightness of her newest hole. A thin trickle of blood from the wound trails down her belly. If I move too slow, she'll self lubricate these walls and the trocar will be forced out by the gasping breaths she's taking as she struggles under me.

I pour PDMS Solution into the cannula and wait. She tucks her head between her arms and pleads with me to pull it out.

Nothing, she's still fucked up on high protein grasses. The foam in her gut's too thick and the gas boiling off in her gut still can't find its way out.

Fuck. I gotta tie her up.

I pull the cannula out and get her to her feet. She hates this. She wants to throw up but can't. The bloodstain around her hole grows as gravity pulls her in a new direction. Staggered, we walk over soggy clover to the pole fence. I pin her up against it with my full weight. I tie her legs together, then her arms. Still struggling, she hasn't given up yet. She makes a good cow. A few passes over her head and a harness takes form. I let up my weight a bit and she falls to her knees. I smash her head into the fencepost and bind her to it while she's dazed.

Okay, one long cut along a langer line centered on the new fistula. I open that portal to her gut into a wide fresh slit. She comes to as I slide my hand knuckle deep into her new pussy and spread her open. I'll be honest, there's less blood than you'd probably think. Out of this part of her, her blood is dark like an onyx syrup and flows like a slow curtain. She spasms a little and tears well up in her eyes, but she realizes pretty fast she doesn't want to move right now. That thick protein foam bubbles up from within her bound organs. I might have left this one alone too long.

"This is really really bad for you, girl."

She's fully crying at this point, kinda moaning like she wants it around the bit of her harness.

"Well shit, you're already tied up. Why not huh?"

I slide my other hand between her fat thighs and cup her taint in my palm. She moans and shakes her hips as I slide up over her plush soft balls and softly twitching clit. I play my fingers across the thicker hairs leading up to her belly and slide back down her soft member. She tries to throw her head back but can't. I can't really tell if those are moans or sobs. She's really sensitive right now; she's still pretty new to all this. The skin along her shaft has gotten so soft it almost feels like velvet. Her soft weight in my hands like an old toy. She shudders under my fingers as I find my way just below her tip. She forces me out of her abdomen, spasming as I start jerking her off. She's really throwing her hips back now.

Out here in the field, girl? Good thing we got all this blood.

I wrench my shit out of my jeans and get it slick with my blood covered hand. I don't even have to warm her up. One slow stroke and I'm hilted in her. I bash right up against her prostate and put my weight into it.

She starts choking something out "Nau'. seau. 'ar." she trails off as she starts sobbing again. Drool soaks through the rope bit between her teeth.

I leave her barely hard clit bouncing and slide my arm down her hip into the cleft between her belly and thigh. Leaning so deep into her, its impossible to miss the stink. Boiled nuts and fenugreek. I breathe deep, getting light headed off her girlsmell. I move to cup her belly as I start bouncing off ass that goes up to my tits when I've got her like this. I slide my other hand back into her spearwound and spread her wide open again. All this motion did her some good. Finally, I see some relief on her face as I hold her open, the gaseous build up trapped inside her finding its way out of the hole in her side. She starts breathing deeper.

"Hahahaha, you actually like this don't you?" I can't hold back "Jesus, girl. ffffuck"

Her whole body vibrates as she comes around me. I pull out of her guts and then back my dick out of her ass. She tugs on me, begging me not to leave when I pull back. She grips my fingers as hard as she grips my shaft. Slamming back in, she feels me throb against her still twitching prostate. Knuckle deep in her guts I tease the hole in her intestinal wall like an unbroken cunt. I shoot hilted in her. Each shot ricochets off her back walls and I feel it wash back over me as she milks me dry. Each clench timed with a shot, gasping as she finishes. I take a moment to steady myself. I get off her and retrieve my knife to cut her free. She goes completely slack once the ropes fall away. She slumps off the fencepost and lands right back in the clover.

I gotta go check the fence on her pen. I don't think she'll survive the next one.

[punchdrunkdoc]

Chapter 15

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 3 parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

--------------

Chapter 15

“Thank you, Counsellor,” the Judge said, after Matt finished speaking. “Prosecution, please call your first witness.”

Matt took his seat and blew out a breath. Foggy gave him a quick pat on the back. “Good job, buddy,” he whispered.

“Thanks,” Matt whispered back. The opening statement was done. His voice had held out, and he’d gotten his message across to the members of the jury. He’d sensed a reaction in some of their heartbeats as he’d described the terror Margaret had felt while in the grips of the drug, so he was hopeful a least a few jurors were open to his argument.

Calina’s angle - playing to their fear, instead of their empathy - had been the right call.

He breathed deeply, sorting past the various smells of the courtroom - the earthiness of the wood panelling, the oil from the bailiff’s gun, the too-strong aftershave of the prosecuting attorney - until he found the fragrance he was looking for.

Strawberries and sea salt.

Calina was here.

He’d picked up the scent the moment he’d walked into the room - she was somewhere at the back of the public gallery - and he hadn’t been able to stop the small smile that had formed at the realisation.  Foggy had noticed straight away. “You’re looking strangely optimistic,” he’d commented.

Matt had shrugged. “Maybe I feel good about this.”

Foggy had scrutinised him closer. “You look good, too. The zombie-ness has worn off a bit. Are you getting more sleep?”

“Yeah. Actually I am.”

Last night’s experiment - Calina reading to him - had worked better than expected. It hadn’t just helped him relax and clear his head for a while…it had put him straight to sleep.

A deep, restorative, dreamless sleep.

He’d woken as dawn had approached, still on the couch, feeling rested and refreshed, despite the slight crick in his neck.

And the unfamiliar weight against his shoulder.

It had been Calina, fast asleep, her head leaning against him. Loathe to disturb her so early, Matt had relaxed back into the couch. He could afford to take a few minutes, to enjoy the novelty of this feeling - unlike most mornings, he wasn’t waking in pain from a fight or a fall. He wasn’t still tired from a restless night of tossing and turning. He wasn’t shaking off the lingering grief from a dream about Elektra.

He felt…good. Content, even.

And it was all down to Calina.

For some reason he could sleep around her. Soundly. For hours at a time.

And she could sleep just as soundly around him, judging from her deep breaths and the slow, steady thrum of her heart. That soothing cadence - and the warmth radiating from her - was almost enough to lull him back to unconsciousness. He felt the urge to tip his head to rest it against hers, to breathe in the scent of her and feel the silkiness of her hair against his cheek…

But he needed to get up. He had to drop by the office to gather some more files, and he wanted to make sure he got to the courthouse early. He didn’t want to give Foggy any reason to doubt him today.

He started carefully shifting out from under Calina’s weight, trying not to wake her, but the movement stirred her anyway. She groaned as she straightened up, and the book she’d been reading from last night clattered to the floor. The sudden noise seemed to startle her fully awake. She glanced around the room in confusion before seeing him next to her. “I fell asleep again, didn’t I?” she moaned, covering her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry.”

She jumped to her feet and straightened her clothes. “Your apartment must have soporific powers, or something,” she joked, her voice shaky.

“I thought that was you,” he replied.

“Hmm?” she asked, collecting her book from the floor.

“I’ve had more sleep in the last few days than the last couple of weeks combined, thanks to you.”

She paused as she gathered her bag. “I don’t know whether to feel pleased about that or insulted.”

“Insulted?”

“If I keep putting you to sleep, I must be really boring company.”

Matt laughed, getting to his feet. “Not at all.” He stretched his arms above his head, the joints of his back cracking loudly in the quiet room.

“Ouch,” she winced. “I’m sorry again. You really needed a night in a proper bed before your big trial-”

He grabbed her hand, wanting to put a stop to her self-recrimination. “I needed rest. And you helped me get it. Please stop apologising. I meant it when I thanked you just now.”

“Okay,” she said softly. “I should thank you too. I seem to sleep better here than in my own apartment.”

They stood there, hands clasped, as the unspoken admission - that they only seemed to get a good night’s sleep in each others’ presence - hung between them. Neither of them wanted to comment on the strangeness of that fact.

Or what it might symbolise.

“I- I’ll let you get ready,” she said, breaking the spell of the moment. She pulled away from him and headed for the exit. “Bye, Matthew.”

“‘Matt’. Call me ‘Matt’,” he replied, in what was becoming a familiar refrain.

This time she definitely heard him. She paused at the door - just a fraction of a second between one footfall and the next - but said nothing as she opened it and walked away.

———

Calina slipped out of the courtroom as recess was called for lunch. Coming here this morning had been a spur of the moment impulse. She’d heard Matthew’s opening statement a dozen times over the last few days as he'd rehearsed and refined it - to the point where she could have given the speech herself.  But she’d wanted to see him in action in court, and to offer some silent moral support.

So she’d battled the rush hour horde of commuters and arrived at the courthouse just as the other members of the public were filing into the gallery. It had been worth the effort.  Matthew was so different here. He held authority in this room, and confidence radiated from him.

It was fascinating to watch.

He held his audience in the palm of his hand. They chuckled when he made a self-deprecating blind joke as he got to his feet, putting them all at ease. Their eyes were fixed on him as he gave his impassioned defence. And she could see more than one person react as he asked them to imagine themselves in his client’s position.

His speech was working.  And she felt more than a hint of pride at the small role she'd played in shaping it.

It had been unexpectedly fun, to help Matthew with his work. And surprisingly easy, to imagine the best way to convince a jury of the truth. But it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. It was just another form of manipulation, after all. It was something she’d been taught all her life - how to find the right words and the right arguments to make someone do what she needed them to.

At least now she was putting those skills to use for a good cause - for a woman who'd been forced into violence against her wishes and without her control. It was another reason why it had been so easy to help craft Matthew’s speech - she didn't need any help empathising with Margaret Posen.

“Calina!”

She turned as a familiar voice called out her name. Matthew strode towards her, a smile on his face. Behind him she could see Foggy and a tall blonde woman. The woman frowned and said something to Foggy, but Calina was too far away to hear it.

“Hi,” Matthew said, reaching her.

“Hi,” she replied. “How did you know I was here?”

“Oh, Foggy saw you as you were leaving, and he let me know.”

Calina wondered if that was the truth. Or if his senses had detected her hiding at the back of the crowded courtroom. Were they that finely tuned?

“I hope you didn’t mind,” Calina said. “Me being here, I mean.”

“Not at all. I’m glad actually. I wanted to thank you again for your what you did over the weekend - looking after me, helping with the case. It meant a lot.”

She ducked her head, uncertain how to react in the face of so much gratitude. Especially when her actions hadn’t been entirely altruistic. She’d wanted to spend time with him. Talk with him, eat with him, sit with him in comfortable silence…

And she’d loved every second of it. Despite her reservations about being close to him. And despite the awkwardness of waking up in his apartment after falling asleep.

Twice!

She couldn’t understand it. She’d been trained to always be alert. To be aware of her surroundings at all times. Falling sound asleep in a relative stranger’s home for hours at a time just wasn’t like her.

She could blame it on exhaustion - maybe after so many restless nights, she’d hit a threshold of lethargy, and was liable to fall asleep anywhere now.  But deep down she suspected there was another explanation.

She trusted Matthew.

She knew him to be a good man, with a good heart.

And she felt safe with him.

Perhaps that was at the root of her insomnia. Beneath the nightmares, and the way her brain played out her sins on a loop…maybe she felt unsafe. It would make sense - she was so far from her sisters and the only life she’d ever known. She was out on her own in the world, with no one watching her back. No one to stand guard while she let herself sink into unconsciousness.

No one…except for him.

Matthew knew how to fight. He was better at it than almost anyone she’d ever known. He was a man that could handle anything and anyone that might come at him. Which on some subconscious level must make her feel safe. Safe enough to close her eyes and rest.

“I just wanted you to know that,” he continued. “In case I don’t see you much this week. The case is going to keep me occupied all hours of the day and night.”

“I understand,” she said.

“But I have some free time now. Do you want to get lunch with us?” he asked, gesturing behind him to his two colleagues. Foggy noticed the action and gave her a small wave. She waved back. The blonde woman just stared at her with cooly assessing eyes.

“Thanks for the offer, but no, I can’t today. I have a class starting in twenty minutes.”

“Dance?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, enjoy. And thank you, again. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, Matthew.”

He tilted his head, a small smile playing at his lips. “Are you ever going to call me ‘Matt’?”

Yes, she wanted to say. If I no longer have to lie to you. If you ever discover who I really am. If you still want to be my friend, after all that…then I’ll have earned the right to call you that.

“Maybe one day,” she replied instead.

———

Calina studied her outfit in the full length mirror.

The sequinned dress was fun, and it flattered her figure. It was a tank-style silhouette - sleeveless, with a racer back - and it draped loosely over her willowy frame. She didn’t suit tight fitting dresses - she’d never had the curves for them to cling to - but she suited mini dresses like this one, the hemline showing off her long, shapely legs. Which appeared even longer, in the four-inch stiletto heels she had on her feet.

But something about the look wasn’t working.

She twisted in front of the mirror, trying to work out what was wrong. The woman in the department store had assured her that the outfit was suitable for going to a nightclub, but it just didn’t feel right.

She felt too…styled. Too prissy.

Too much like a ballerina.

She stared at the tight bun that she’d scraped her hair into. That was definitely giving off ballerina vibes, but the shop assistant had recommended the style, saying it would emphasise her cheekbones and her long neck.

It did…but she didn’t feel like herself.

Calina smiled at the realisation. She was starting to know her own style. Not only what suited her, but what she felt comfortable in. And what impression she wanted to give the rest of the world. She was learning that clothes could be an expression of who you were inside…

And this wasn’t who she was.

Not anymore.

She wasn’t the cold, aloof ballerina with perfect posture. She was a street dancer now.

Calina grinned as she kicked off her heels and shoved on her white converse high tops instead. Then she shook out her hair and pulled it back in a messy ponytail.

The woman in the mirror grinned back at her.

This felt right. This was her.

She looked young, and carefree and ready to have fun - three things she had never felt before. Her smile widened.

She checked the time on her phone - 7:20. It was almost time to go. Her heart started fluttering with anticipation. She was going out. On a Friday night. Clubbing. With a friend!

The invitation had come after dance class on Tuesday. Michelle had started attending the sessions around the same time as Calina. They had been the two novices amongst the more experienced regulars and had gravitated towards each other in the lineup. They shared rueful smiles when they messed up the choreography, and thumbs up when they mastered a difficult step. Occasionally, Michelle would chat with Calina as they cooled down, and twice now they’d walked part of the way home together.

She was a 25-year old grad student, studying anthropology, and she lived with two roommates. Her boyfriend had recently dumped her, and she was online dating and ‘rebounding all over Manhattan’, as she’d put it. She was chatty and outgoing, and didn’t seem to mind when Calina barely shared anything of her own life.

But despite all that, Calina hadn’t really considered they were becoming friends. Until earlier this week when Michelle had cornered her after class. “Are you busy this Friday?”

“No,” Calina has said. “Why?”

“It’s my birthday, and a bunch of us are hitting the town. Do you wanna come?”

Calina must have looked as taken aback as she felt, because Michelle rushed to reassure her. “No pressure! It’ll just be a quick dinner then dancing - it’ll be a chance to show off our newly acquired skills.” She offered her phone, the screen open on a blank contacts page. “Give me your number and I’ll text you the details.”

Calina had, and the text had come through half an hour later with a time and place and an opt-out clause:  ‘If you can make it, great! If not, no worries.’

‘I’ll try to make it’ had been Calina’s reply. She’d wanted the option of backing out, in case she lost her nerve. But as the week crept on, she found herself looking forward to the idea of going out on the town. Especially since her late night stalking of Daredevil seemed to be on hold while Matthew was busy with his trial.

True to his word, she hadn’t seen him much over the past few days. Except for this morning, when they’d shared the elevator down to the lobby. He was on his way to court, she was heading out for her morning run.

“How are you feeling?” she’d asked.

“Much better, thank you.”

He didn’t look it. The congestion in his voice was gone, but he seemed tired and run down. She wanted to ask if he was sleeping, but that seemed like such a personal question.

He had none of the same reservations. “And you? Are you sleeping okay?”

She’d shrugged. “Same as usual. How’s the trial going?”

“Nice change of subject,” he replied with a smile. “It’s going well, actually. Foggy’s giving the closing arguments today, then we’ll probably get a verdict next week.”

“Good luck,” she wished him as they walked down the steps of the apartment building and onto the street. They should have parted ways there and then, but they both...lingered. Calina made the excuse of stretching out her arms, and Matthew slowly opened up his cane, as if he too was stalling for time. He played with the stick for a few moments, twirling it between his fingers, and her eyes were drawn to his hands. His lovely, strong, graceful hands...

"Are you okay," Matthew asked.

Realising her breath had quickened - and that Matthew had picked up on it - Calina stammered out a reply. "I'm fine. I-I'll see you later." Then she took off running.

Literally.

Thinking back on the encounter, Calina blushed in embarrassment again. Then debated if she should bring Matthew lunch tomorrow, just like she had last weekend. Given how hard he’d been working, his fridge was probably woefully understocked again.

She wondered where this urge to take care of him came from. And was it just restricted to him - the vigilante-lawyer who worked all hours of the day and night to help the people of this city, but too often neglected himself?

Or would she feel this caring instinct towards any neighbour in need?

Was she a mother hen, just as Yelena had joked?

She shook her head. Those were thoughts for another time. Tonight she had somewhere to be.

She smiled as she gathered her purse. Then paused, eyeing up the bright red coat in her closet. The one she'd bought on a whim months ago but had never quite had the nerve to wear. It felt too...daring. Too conspicuous for someone trying to live an inconspicuous life. But judging from the cold breeze wafting through her bedroom, the temperature had dropped again tonight. She’d pushed the window wide open earlier to let out the steam from her shower, and now a chill was spreading through the room.

She should wear a coat.

She should wear that coat.

It was time to live the life she wanted, on her terms. And if that meant being visible in a show-stopping red coat, that's what she would do.

Calina slipped the garment of its hanger and slung it over her arm. Then she grabbed the top of the heavy sash frame of the window and started to shove it down...only to cry out in shock at the sudden sharp pain just below her rib cage.

She jerked back and glanced down. A metal tranquilliser dart was embedded in her abdomen.

She quickly yanked it out, but it was too late.

The world went hazy…then dark…

And she collapsed to the floor.

———

Her mind was sinking.

She could feel consciousness rising - the sounds of the street outside getting louder, the feel of the bed beneath her back more tangible - but at the same time, her mind was slipping away from her.

Falling down, down, down…disappearing, like a stone dropped into a dark well.

She knew this feeling. She recognised it.

They were taking her mind away again.

It would recede from her body until she was nothing more than a bystander in her own body.

Controlled by outside forces.

Compelled to do their bidding.

Calina's heart started racing at the thought, and the adrenaline surge burned off the last of the tranquilliser. She was fully awake now. She could feel the sharp edges of the zip tie that bound her right arm to the metal frame of her bed. She could feel the pinch of the cannula in her left elbow where the serum had invaded her body. 

She could hear the steps of the man pacing the floor of her bedroom.

“We’re almost done,” he said, his english heavily accented. “Another five minutes and the neural uplink will be complete.”

She slitted her eyes open. He had his back to her, a tablet in his hands and a bluetooth speaker in his ear. “Yes, that’s right,” he said to the person on the other end of the phone call. ”I’ll be able to monitor her responses, but yours is the only tablet with executive function, as we agreed. You’ll be the only one in control.” He tapped on the screen as he continued the conversation.

She tuned him out. Tried to calm her pounding heart as she worked through her options.

Five minutes.

Just five minutes until she disappeared.

Until she became nothing but a weapon, programmed to hurt.

To kill.

Just five minutes.

She had to make them count.

“Nice doing business with you,” the man bit out, ending the call. “Mudak,” he spat, cursing the other party in Russian. He tossed the tablet onto the bed by her feet and turned towards her.

She took her chance.

She whipped both legs up and hooked her feet around the back of his neck, jerking him closer until he stumbled against the side of the bed. She readjusted her hold, wrapping her thighs around his neck and clamping them tight.

Then she squeezed with every last drop of strength that she had.

He struggled against her grip, trying to pull away. Her back left the mattress, the only thing keeping her in place the hand that was bound to the frame.  She ignored the bite of pain as the plastic tie dug into her wrist. She ignored the ache as he pummelled his fists against her thighs. She ignored the sight of his eyes bulging as he struggled for breath...

And she ignored the nauseating guilt pervading her body as she took his life.

Her world narrowed to the horrible feel of his thick fleshy neck between her legs and the clench of her muscles as she compressed his airway.

After what felt like hours - but was barely two minutes - he went slack, his blood shot eyes now sightless. She released her hold and he collapsed to the floor, his head colliding with the hardwood floor with a sickening thud.

She didn’t spare him a second glance.

She brought her right arm down in a sudden, sharp movement, breaking the tie. She tore the cannula out of her arm, grabbed the man’s tablet, and the phone stashed in her beside drawer and raced for the front door.

———

Matt was feeling good.

He always got a buzz from trying cases in court.  He enjoyed the chess-like strategy of anticipating his opponent’s tactics, and the art of trying to charm a jury. He loved delivering arguments to a hushed room, and the skill of distilling weeks of research and evidence into an eloquent line of questioning that would persuade 12 people of the truth.

And, of course, he loved the thrill - and sheer relief - that came with those two words: Not guilty. He just hoped he’d done enough to get Margaret Posen that verdict.

But it was out of his hands now. The prosecution had rested their case, Foggy had given a killer closing statement, and now it was up to the jury to decide.

Which meant he was free to resume his other duties. His cold symptoms had disappeared, and he didn’t have to work late strategising with Foggy or get up early tomorrow morning for court.

Matt Murdock’s obligations were over…now it was Daredevil’s turn.

The lawyer had tried Margaret's case in court...now the vigilante needed to find the source of the drug that had led to her arrest.

He’d just pulled his tie free of his collar and loosened the first few buttons of his shirt, when a frenzied banging sounded at his front door. Frowning, he moved towards the hallway, stretching his senses out.

He felt panic. Desperation.

Abject terror.

And it was coming from Calina.

“Matthew!” she yelled, continuing to pound with her fists. “Please! Matthew!”

He was at the door in an instant, yanking it open.

“Thank God,” she sobbed, stumbling into his apartment. She slammed the the door closed and rushed passed him into the living room. “You need to help me,” she said, gulping for breath. Her voice was frantic and her heart was hammering in her chest. “You need to stop me.”

He grabbed her arms to steady her. He could smell a faint tang of medicine in her blood, and a strange metallic scent clung to her. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

She dropped something to the floor and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, as if to anchor herself. “I’m not going to be me. And they’ll make me do things.” Her words tripped over each other, the meaning lost. “Horrible things. And I don’t want to. I can’t go through that again.” She started to hyperventilate, and the grip on his shirt tightened.

“Calina,” he called, rubbing her arms, trying to get her to calm down. “Callie! Just breathe!”

She took a couple of deep breaths. "That's it," he murmured. "Now, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Th- there's no time.” She thrust something at him, and he grabbed it on instinct. It was an old fashioned flip phone, the kind often used as burner devices. “Call Yelena,” she explained. “Speed dial 1. Tell her to come with the counteragent.”

“Calina, I don’t understand-”

“I know. And I’m so sorry - for all of this. But I need you to stop me. Don’t let me leave this apartment. Please.”

“I won’t-”

“Promise me!”

“I promise.”

“You need to do whatever it takes, Matthew. Do you understand? Whatever it takes, you need to stop me. I need Daredevil to stop me.”

------

CHAPTER 16

Taglist: @hollandorks, @yanna-banana, @stilldreaming666, @tearosearts-blog

If you’d like to be added, let me know!

[optimal-living-lab]

How to Lose Weight Safely and Effectively

Losing weight is a common goal for many people, but it can also be a challenging one. There are many factors that affect weight loss, such as diet, exercise, genetics, health conditions, and lifestyle habits. However, there are some general principles that can help anyone achieve a healthy and sustainable weight loss. In this article, we will discuss 10 tips for successful weight loss, based on scientific evidence and expert advice.

10 Tips for Successful Weight Loss

Eat varied, colorful, nutritionally dense foods. A balanced and nutritious diet is the foundation of health and weight control. Aim to include a variety of foods from different food groups at each meal, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, healthy fats, and dairy products. These foods provide essential vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and fiber that can help you feel full and satisfied. Avoid foods that are high in calories, fat, sugar, and salt, such as processed foods, baked goods, fast food, and sugary drinks. These foods can contribute to weight gain and increase the risk of chronic diseases.

Keep a food and weight diary. Self-monitoring is a key factor in losing weight and keeping it off. By recording everything you eat and drink, as well as your weight and physical activity, you can track your progress and identify areas for improvement. You can use a paper diary, a mobile app, or a dedicated website to log your food intake and calories. You can also weigh yourself regularly and measure your body mass index (BMI) to monitor your weight status.

Engage in regular physical activity and exercise. Physical activity and exercise can help you burn calories, build muscle, improve your metabolism, and enhance your mood. The general recommendation is to get at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity per week, as well as strength training exercises at least twice a week. You can also incorporate more movement into your daily routine by taking the stairs, walking or biking to work or school, or doing household chores.

Find your inner motivation. Losing weight requires commitment and perseverance. You need to have a clear and compelling reason to change your eating and activity habits for the long term. It could be to improve your health, appearance, confidence, or performance. Whatever your motivation is, make sure it is personal and meaningful to you. You can also remind yourself of your goals and achievements by writing them down or posting them somewhere visible.

Get support from others. Having a strong support network can make a big difference in your weight loss journey. Seek out people who will encourage you in positive ways, without judging or criticizing you. They could be your family members, friends, co-workers, or online communities. You can also join a weight loss program or group that offers guidance, accountability, and social support.

Set realistic goals. Setting realistic and specific goals can help you stay focused and motivated throughout your weight loss process. Your goals should be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, instead of saying “I want to lose weight”, you could say “I want to lose 10 pounds in 3 months by eating 500 fewer calories per day and exercising for 30 minutes 5 times per week”. You can also break down your goals into smaller and more manageable steps that you can track and celebrate along the way.

Conclusion

Losing weight is not easy, but it is possible with the right strategies and mindset. By following these 10 tips for successful weight loss, you can improve your health, appearance, and well-being in a safe and effective way. Remember that weight loss is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the process!

[female-buckets]

Brittney Griner's reintegration with the sport she loves and the only WNBA team she's ever known has been filled with "joy, excitement, and celebration," Phoenix Mercury President Vince Kozar told Insider.

"She wants to get back the pieces of her life that were taken away from her for a while," Kozar added. "Basketball is one of those things."

The Phoenix executive 'found out with the rest of the world' that Griner had been freed

Kozar remembers December 7, 2022 being a long day and a late night. He was in attendance at Footprint Center as the Mercury's NBA counterpart, the Suns, hosted the Boston Celtics for a game that tipped at 8 p.m. local time.

By the time the final buzzer sounded two hours later, Phoenix had suffered its biggest loss of the season — a 25-point rout so demoralizing, Suns superstar Devin Booker suggested it "should count as two losses," per the AP.

The daylight hours of that Wednesday hadn't been much more pleasant for Kozar; the slightly chilly, slightly overcast morning marked 293 days since Griner had first been taken into Russian custody. With the holidays fast approaching and end-of-year preparations in full swing, The Athletic published an article naming Griner the "WNBA Person of the Year."

The young executive had been interviewed for the story, so as he crawled into bed shortly before night gave way to morning, he ended the day by giving it a read.

"The very last line of that article — I'm paraphrasing — basically said, 'It's December 7th, and Brittney Griner still isn't home,'" Kozar recalled. "And that was essentially the last thing I read before I went to bed."

He woke up mere hours later to the sound of a phone that wouldn't stop ringing. Bleary-eyed, Kozar briefly glimpsed a screen that showed "five or six missed calls and dozens and dozens and dozens of text messages and a CNN alert and an ESPN alert and a New York Times alert" before yet another incoming call filled the display of his phone.

It was Diana Taurasi, the league legend who had spent all 18 seasons of her illustrious WNBA career with the Mercury. She had some urgent news — the same news contained in Kozar's constant stream of notifications.

It was December 8, and Brittney Griner was headed home.

"When I finally answered, that's essentially how I found out for sure," Kozar said. "And it was her call that woke me up.

"I found out with the rest of the world," he added.

Days after Griner first touched down in the US, Kozar was on a private jet to bring her home to Phoenix

"Tremendous relief" washed over Kozar as soon as he answered his phone and heard the good news. Sure, Griner's return would be great for his team — she is, after all, a generational talent and a key contributor to Phoenix's on-court success over the past decade — but that didn't even cross his mind.

Basketball had long ago taken a back seat to his concerns for Griner's "safety and her physical and mental well-being."

A Mercury mainstay for nearly a decade — a year longer than Kozar himself — the 6-foot-9 center represented so much more than points, rebounds, playoff bids, and championship rings to the leader of Phoenix's front office and the rest of his franchise. Griner was, and is, "a member of the family."

"Even after so much concern over time, none of that core anxiety ever waned," Kozar told Insider. "And so when you hear that she's on her way home, the feeling is relief because you no longer have to be worried about her safety and her physical and mental well-being."

"Anyone who's ever experienced something like that with a family member, you know you never really realize the weight that you're carrying around until it's lifted off," he added. "Certainly a lot of people who love her felt that, and the weight that we were carrying around doesn't even compare to that of her family or BG herself."

But after allowing himself a brief moment to let it all sink in, Kozar was back to work. He had plenty of preparations to make and people to reach out to: members of the Mercury, WNBA executives, and Griner's agent — Wasserman's Lindsay Kagawa Colas — among them.

On behalf of the franchise, Kozar made it clear that "anything and everything was available to BG" as she prepared to come home. One of those resources, he noted, was a private plane belonging to Sam Garvin, a minority owner of Phoenix's WNBA and NBA teams.

Griner — who had flown from Russia to the United Arab Emirates, then from Abu Dhabi to San Antonio, Texas — first arrived in her native Lone Star State to undergo physical and mental health evaluations at the Brooke Army Medical Center. But upon getting the green light to resume her normal life — whatever that might look like for her now — it was expected that Griner would join her wife, Cherelle, back home in Phoenix.

But standing nearly a foot and a half taller than the average woman in the US, the eight-time WNBA All-Star couldn't exactly be discreet walking through an airport and boarding a commercial flight to Arizona. Kozar, via Garvin, had a solution.

And "with the blessing of all the people who were helping her in San Antonio," Colas encouraged him and some other folks from the Mercury to "be on that plane to come pick her up." One week and one day after Kozar answered that fateful phone call from Taurasi, "Diana, myself, and our general manager, Jim Pitman, got on that plane and flew to San Antonio.

"It was a turnaround trip that was done in about five hours," he added. "Unforgettable, for sure."

After so many months of uncertainty, Griner and her team were able to 'pick up where they left off'

Griner knew there was a plane coming to pick her and Cherelle up from the military base and bring them back home to The Valley. But she had "no idea" that anyone she knew would be coming along for the ride.

It was a complete surprise. The night before their highly anticipated return to Phoenix, the two-time Olympic gold medalist and her wife FaceTimed with Kozar and Colas, both of whom were "keeping up the ruse."

So the next morning, when they looked up to find Kozar, Taurasi, and Pitman in front of them in Texas, they were "very, very surprised" and "so happy."

"It was a very celebratory moment," Kozar said. "There were a lot of tears shed throughout the process, but to my knowledge, there weren't any shed that morning just because there was so much joy. Joy and excitement and celebration."

Even with all that had transpired over the previous 10 months, the five of them managed to "pick up where [they] left off." And despite understandable speculation that Griner may not be ready to return to play for the 2023 season — including from Kozar himself, who was careful not to exert any pressure on the 32-year-old — the then-unrestricted free agent made it clear "as soon as we were wheels up" that she "intended to play basketball for the Phoenix Mercury" in 2023.

Right from her seat on that flight, the two-time WNBA scoring champion pushed send on an Instagram post that publicized those intentions to the world.

While Kozar and Pitman still needed to mind the rules governing free agency, they felt free to talk "about everything from the haircut she got in San Antonio, to some of her time away, to family and friends, to basketball."

"She loves basketball," Kozar said. "She wanted to talk about the team. She wanted to talk about last year. She wanted to talk about this year."

"It's one of her loves, and she's been excited to talk about it every time I've seen her," he added.

Griner has been reacclimating to life in Phoenix, reintegrating with the Mercury, and 'rehabbing her way back' to basketball in the months since

Griner took the holiday season to get comfortable back home, rest, spend time with family and loved ones, and continue her recovery after an unimaginably trying 10 months. But once the new year came around, she made her way back to the gym of the very same franchise where she started her professional basketball career.

Yes, Griner was technically a free agent, so Kozar and the Mercury staff had "to be careful" to abide by the league's rules. But the WNBA's eight-time blocks leader was "allowed to be in our facility to see our trainers," the president explained, as she was — and is — "rehabbing her way back to being able to play basketball."

Throughout her time back in Phoenix's facilities, Kozar has been "fortunate" to witness several of Griner's reunions with teammates and many of the other "people that make up the lifeblood of a team." The moments have been "really special" every single time — from crossing paths with trainers and equipment managers to run-ins with staffers and teammates who are in-market for the off-season.

Griner enjoyed some fun extracurriculars away from the Mercury as well. With the Valley playing host to two massive sporting events in mid-February, the superstar and her wife hit the town and made appearances at both Super Bowl LVII and the Waste Management Phoenix Open.

The Griners also made the five-plus hour drive from Phoenix to Los Angeles for the 2023 NAACP Image Awards on February 25. The couple took the stage, and the basketball star used her moment on the mic to implore the audience to "fight to bring home every American detained overseas."

And, on Monday, another piece of her former reality fell back into place; Griner officially re-signed with the Mercury. She'll earn $165,100 over the 2023 WNBA campaign, per Spotrac, marking a 32% drop from last season's salary and far less than the $234,936 supermax for which she was eligible and could have easily drawn from Phoenix.

But as a result of Griner commanding less than 15% of the team's total salary cap, the Mercury were able to re-sign Taurasi — a 10-time All-Star and the WNBA's all-time scoring champion — while reaching deals with several other free agents to round out their roster.

Because the league enforces a hard salary cap — and because Phoenix already has star point guard Skylar Diggins-Smith signed to a supermax contract of her own — the Mercury only had enough space to offer either Taurasi or Griner the supermax. Sources familiar with the contract negotiations told Insider that Griner's financial sacrifice was one of unselfishness rather than necessity.

It was meant as an act of good will toward the franchise — which paid her salary in full through the season she missed while detained in Russia — and as a show of respect to Taurasi, who played the vast majority of her illustrious WNBA career without the opportunity to make more than five figures.

Once Griner signed on the dotted line, both parties were quick to celebrate her return. She posed for fresh headshots featuring her newly cropped hair, did a shoot-around in her jersey, and announced to the locker room — and the world — "I'm Back MF!!"

But Griner's welcome home wasn't just about photo shoots and fun social media posts; the franchise also recommitted itself to the cause Kozar calls Griner's "legacy work." The Mercury's "leadership team spent the afternoon writing letters to Paul Whelan" — a fellow American whom the US government deems "wrongfully detained" by Russia — in honor of BG's decision to return to Phoenix, according to social media posts from the franchise.

The organization encouraged fans to keep Whelan top of mind and join the effort to bring all wrongfully detained Americans home to their families.

"What we saw was the power of sport generally last year in support of her, but also specifically the power of W players and the power of W fans," Kozar said. "So we won't deter from that in any way. We will do the campaigns to bring these detainees home, to have these families reunited.

"We will do the same work that we would've done on BG's behalf if she were still gone," he added. "We will just now do it with her in support of all of those other families who are enduring the same thing. So there's a lot more to come there."

What comes next in Griner's journey is still a bit of a mystery

Griner is itching to get back into the flow of WNBA competition, sources close to the star tell Insider. And the Mercury's fans, front office, and players — who struggled last season without Griner in the paint — are eager to see their superstar back in orange and purple.

But the logistics of making it happen are far more complicated than they were prior to February 17, 2022. Her Russian detainment and the politicized circumstances surrounding her return stateside has drastically increased her recognizability and, among some people, her notoriety.

As a result, ensuring Griner's "safety and security" throughout the season has become a major concern.

"We are all acutely aware of some of the things that have been said about her. We were acutely aware of the way that her return has been used to try and further polarize people," Kozar said. "We understand that certain [people] have tried to continue to use this to polarize people... and we understand that people have done that through the lens of BG's identity, which is as a woman, it's as a Black woman, and it's as a gay, Black woman.

"None of that is lost on us, and we understand that words oftentimes can be a precursor to violence," he added. "And so we take all of that incredibly seriously. We understand, and all of the people around her understand, that it is our joint responsibility to ensure that we are approaching this with the due gravity that it requires."

The franchise is prepared to take every precaution necessary to protect its superstar — at its own venues, on the road, and everywhere in between — and Kozar says "there is a collective commitment to support" those efforts across the WNBA. They'll likely approach Griner's security much like the NBA handles its biggest superstars' safety, sources familiar with the situation tell Insider.

That could very well necessitate private flights to and from away games, as many have speculated could be the case. But sources privy to conversations between the league, the Mercury, and Griner's camp told Insider the involved parties have not yet reached a consensus regarding how they'll handle her and her teammates' transportation for the season.

The WNBA's collective bargaining agreement (CBA) prohibits individual franchises from chartering flights. BG's unique circumstances, however, could very well elicit an exception.

"It's safe to say that as we consider all of those things, her safety as we travel is a top priority," Kozar said.

They have just under three months to figure it out. Phoenix's season tips off on the road, with Griner and the Mercury set to take on the Los Angeles Sparks at Crypto.com Arena on May 19. Two days later, she will suit up at Phoenix's Footprint Center for the first time in 19 months for her homecoming game against the Chicago Sky.

Regardless of all the remaining uncertainties, Kozar said he expects the moment Griner steps back onto her home court to be "one of the most special things any of us has ever experienced."

"After December 8, nothing will compare to December 8, right?" Kozar told Insider, referring to the date of Griner's release. "The news of BG coming home is the best thing that I've ever experienced in this job. What will probably come close to that is May 21 — what this building is going to look and feel like the moment she returns to play a home game for the first time.

"I don't know how that works, if you have any energy left to play basketball after something like that, so I don't know what the game's gonna be like," he continued, adding: "It's a moment in history. It's sports history; it's American history; it's just this moment in history that you'll be able to say you were a part of, but that also one that no news story or broadcast will be able to capture. I hope everyone's in the building, and I hope there's not a single seat left."

As far as the rest of the season goes, Kozar doesn't have any expectations for how things will play out. Though he's hopeful, he can't be sure whether Phoenix will compete among the upper echelons of the WNBA's Western Conference, return to the playoffs for an 11th consecutive year, or clinch the franchise's fourth WNBA championship.

All he knows for certain, he says, is that Griner will serve as "a constant reminder to all of us, whether on the court or off the court, that tomorrow's just not guaranteed."

"These moments that we have to be together, to compete, to find joy in this game, and to make a difference because of the platform we've been given by this game, they're not things to waste," Kozar said. "And so that relief has become gratitude, and I think it's just gonna be an incredible season of gratitude.

"I don't know how many games we're gonna win," he added. "My hope is that we're gonna win the very last one we play.

"But I know the season's gonna be about a lot more than just basketball."

[brick-a-doodle-do]

You asked for this

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, and 30.

ORCHIDDDDD WHAT THE FUCK?? !!!!! I WILL ANSWER THESE GLADLY BUT WTFFF 😭

1 : sleeping in or getting an early start?

for weekends, sleeping in

2 : coffee or tea?

i don't really drink either but probably tea

3 : favorite breakfast food?

everything bagels with way too much butter

4 : opinion on brunch?

too fancy for me

5 : how many houseplants do you have?

personally speaking i own none (why take take of a plant if i can't take care of myself?) but my grandparents house has a lot of them that i don't know the count of,,,,

6 : favorite flower?

calendulas (did i spell that right?)

7 : things that always make you smile

interactions between ccs idk why i like them sm but like seeing crimebois orrr alliumduo interact brings such a smile to my face :D maybe it's just the ccs in general? okay people hanging out with tommy is what always makes me smile. okay tommy often makes me smile. but wil does too, and quackity. okay all the ccs make me smile :)

8 : tv show you're currently obsessed with?

unbreakable kimmy schmidt!! binging it atm and am obsessed with ittt 💕

9 : favorite smell and why

gas & those chemical induced markers. if you like them too then you know why :)

10 : your hopes/wishes for the coming week

actually i started like trying to lose weight so i'm hoping i can actually follow through with that instead of fantasizing about it like i do with everything

11 : have you ever been to any pride (activities)?

no i have not, but i'd absolutely love to!!

12 : tattoos or piercings on your wish list

for piercings i want one on my upper ear and MAYBE in my nose but i'm on the fence about that one,,,, and for tattoos i might get like a flower tattoo of a calendula or maybe a brick? lol that sounds dumb but idk. i also want another one but i'm embarrassed to say pff

13 : what helps you fall asleep?

ycgma :D i fall asleep to it every night

14 : any cleaning or organizing life hacks?

No

15 : tell a joke

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side!!!!!!

16 : i already answered this one!

17 : a book you're currently reading

guided evolution on ao3 💪

18 : what video games do you play?

uhh i don't play video games that often. if i do it's minecraft or roblox or any free games i can find on steam & that one indie website i forget the name of. i also play 2480 or whatever it's called a lot OH OH OH and i love the oregon trail i play that a looot

19 : the last thing that made you laugh out loud

a family member of mine was ordering at a fast food place and they didn't have what the drink he wanted so he said really loudly "WATER PLEASE"

20 : a skill you would like to learn

i would like to develop my writing skills a bit more and learn how to cook better cuz it seems fun

21 : what color would you like to die your hair?

hmm i like my natural color but that's basic so if i HAD to pick one it'd probably be like pink tips? think my pfp's pink,,,

22 : what was the best food you had this week?

oh my god i was on vacation this week so everything was absolutely amazing!! literally everthing i ate would be on this list

23 : a song that makes you feel poweful

idk if it makes me feel powerful but i like am i ready (to be loved) by lizzo like that's a really cool soon the tempo is rlly good and he beat drop is just 😍

24 : how was your day today?

uhh not the best tbh

lots of tears today

25 : are there any big or small decisions you have to make?

at the moment no but if choosing to commit to the weight loss thing counts then yep

26 : if you could be doing anything you like right now, what would you do?

hmm that's kinda hard. there's one thing on the top of my mind rn but that's embarrassing to say so i'll go with continuing my binge of kimmy schmidt :D

27 : what characteristics make a person wonderful?

i've answered smth like this before but honestly it's the aura they give off. if i am alone in a car with them i don't want it to be awkward and completely silent. i want to be able to talk wit the person and yk make memories? i mean it's a given considering my love language is quality time lol

like taking walks with people and enjoying it is just >>>> the best feeling i'll automatically bond with that person even if they don't feel the same way

28 : what characteristics do you like about yourself?

next question

29 : do you play an instrument?

nope but i'm tempted to learn either guitar or piano

30 : how do you feel about this weekend?

uhh saturday was pretty good but today honestly was really hard

it was a fast weekend too so i rate it like a 5.8/10

THANK YOU ORCHID FOR THE ENTIRE LIST LMAO

[drnishargpatel]

Preparing for an Endoscopy: What to Expect Before, During, and After

Introduction

If you're preparing for an endoscopy, you likely have questions about what to expect and how to ensure a smooth experience. Endoscopies help doctors view the digestive tract, including the esophagus, stomach, and intestines, and are essential for diagnosing various health issues. For anyone getting ready for their procedure, here’s a “Step-by-Step Guide to Endoscopy: Preparation, Procedure, and Recovery at the Best Gastro Hospital in Surat” to walk you through every stage of the process. From the necessary preparations to what the actual procedure feels like and tips for recovery, this guide will help put you at ease.

Why Endoscopies Are Done

An endoscopy is a valuable tool in the world of gastrointestinal health. It allows doctors to take a closer look inside your digestive tract, helping them diagnose conditions like acid reflux, ulcers, blockages, and even early signs of cancer. This procedure is commonly recommended for patients who have symptoms such as persistent abdominal pain, unexplained weight loss, difficulty swallowing, or recurring digestive issues.

Endoscopies can also help with biopsies (small tissue samples) to examine specific areas closely and check for any signs of abnormality. Consulting a gastroenterologist in Surat or your local gastro expert can ensure you’re fully prepared and that you understand why the procedure is necessary in your case.

Preparing for the Endoscopy: What to Do Beforehand

Preparation plays a significant role in how smoothly the endoscopy goes. Here are a few steps that can help:

1. Fasting

Timing: Most endoscopies require you to fast for about 6 to 8 hours before the procedure. This means no eating or drinking (not even water) during that time.

Why Fasting Is Needed: Fasting ensures that your stomach and upper digestive tract are empty, providing a clearer view and allowing your doctor to examine everything without obstruction.

2. Medication Adjustments

Blood Thinners and Supplements: Some medications, especially blood thinners, can increase bleeding risk during endoscopy. Your doctor may advise you to temporarily stop taking them a few days before the procedure.

Supplements: Certain herbal supplements and over-the-counter drugs might interfere, so inform your doctor about everything you're taking.

3. Additional Preparations

Arrangements: Since mild sedation is often used, it’s essential to have someone accompany you to the appointment and take you home afterward. Arrange for a family member, friend, or ride service.

Comfortable Clothing: Wear loose-fitting clothes, as this will make the process more comfortable.

During the Endoscopy: What Happens in the Procedure Room

Understanding what happens during the procedure can help ease any anxieties you might have. Here’s a breakdown of what you can expect:

1. Sedation

Why It’s Used: To make you comfortable, most endoscopies are performed under light sedation. This way, you won’t feel any pain and will have little memory of the procedure.

Process: The sedation is usually administered through an IV in your arm, and you’ll start feeling relaxed shortly afterward.

2. The Procedure Itself

The Scope: The endoscope is a thin, flexible tube with a light and camera on the end. Once you’re sedated, the doctor will carefully insert it through your mouth and down your esophagus.

Images: As the camera moves through your digestive tract, it sends back real-time images to a monitor, allowing the doctor to examine every detail.

Biopsy if Needed: If necessary, the doctor can also take small tissue samples or biopsies for further analysis. This is a painless part of the procedure.

3. Duration

Time Needed: The entire process generally takes around 15 to 30 minutes, though it can vary depending on what the doctor needs to examine or any extra steps they may take.

After the Endoscopy: Recovery and Post-Procedure Care

Once the endoscopy is over, you’ll spend a bit of time in recovery. Here’s what to expect:

1. Waking Up

Sedation Effects: Since you were sedated, you might feel a bit groggy for a while. This is entirely normal, and you’ll start feeling more alert in about an hour.

Observation: The healthcare team will monitor you until you’re fully awake and ready to go home.

2. Sore Throat or Mild Discomfort

What’s Normal: It’s common to have a mild sore throat or a feeling of bloating from the air used during the procedure. Both usually subside within a day.

Pain Relief: Drinking warm liquids or sucking on ice chips can soothe a sore throat.

3. Resuming Regular Activities

Diet: You can usually start eating soft, bland foods as soon as you feel up to it. Gradually return to your regular diet as advised by your doctor.

Physical Activity: Although you’ll be back on your feet quickly, avoid strenuous activities for at least 24 hours.

Medication: If your doctor had advised you to stop certain medications, you’ll be informed when it’s safe to resume them.

4. Results and Follow-Up

Receiving Results: You’ll receive initial feedback right after the procedure, but biopsy results, if taken, may take a few days.

Follow-Up Appointment: It’s often recommended to schedule a follow-up with your doctor to discuss the findings, especially if the endoscopy was done to investigate specific symptoms or issues.

When to Call Your Doctor After the Endoscopy

In rare cases, complications can occur, so it’s essential to know the warning signs. Seek medical help if you experience any of the following:

Persistent or worsening abdominal pain

Vomiting, particularly if it contains blood

Fever or chills

Difficulty swallowing or severe sore throat

Black or bloody stools

Final Thoughts

Endoscopy is a safe and effective way to get a close look at your digestive health. While the idea of an endoscopy may feel intimidating, understanding the process can make it far less daunting. With the help of the best gastroenterology team, including highly skilled professionals at a reputable gastroenterologist in Surat, you’ll be in excellent hands. 

Whether for diagnosis, treatment, or peace of mind, an endoscopy provides invaluable insights into your health. Preparing well and knowing what to expect before, during, and after the procedure can ensure the experience goes as smoothly as possible.

[andreaklasbodyfitness]

How a North Vancouver Fitness Club Can Help You Achieve Your Health Goals

It is challenging to keep a healthy lifestyle in today's fast-paced world. Keeping busy schedules and so many distractions at hand, one easily gets around staying in shape. However, life can take a big turn for the better with joining a North Vancouver fitness club.

These clubs offer support, professional advice, and other resources aimed at helping you succeed in your pursuit of health.

A Supportive Community

Another benefit in terms of community could be by joining a North Vancouver fitness club. It gives you a chance to interact with other people who share their views on health and fitness. It becomes very motivating among people who share similar aspirations in health and fitness. Many clubs have group classes or even social functions that can help members bond together. The atmosphere is conducive, which makes it easier to stay accountable to your fitness routine.

Whether you are a novice or already an experienced athlete, having a support group behind you makes all the difference. You can celebrate each other's success, share tips, and even share workout buddies. The friendships you make in a fitness club can add spice to your experience and keep you active on your fitness trail.

Professional Surveillance

A North Vancouver fitness club often uses certified trainers and health professionals who care about helping its members reach their health goals. These professionals can offer a personal fitness assessment to help you understand your current fitness level and set realistic goals tailored to your needs. They may prove invaluable for anyone seeking to lose weight, build muscle, or just become healthier in general.

In addition, trainers can create personalized workout plans based on your lifestyle to keep you motivated and engaged. They train on proper form and technique, minimizing the risk of injury and maximizing results. Most clubs also offer nutrition coaching to help you make informed decisions concerning your diet, complementing your fitness routine.

Diversity in Fitness Options

One of the greatest strengths of a North Vancouver fitness club is the variety it brings to different fitness options. Whether it's group classes in yoga, spin, or just some strength training and cardio machines, there's something for every taste and fitness level. The diversity keeps the workout fresh and interesting.

Many clubs also offer various specific programs, which include high-intensity interval training (HIIT), dance fitness, or martial arts, so if you ever find yourself interested in something and have a goal, these clubs provide the opportunity for you to try new activities, even things that you probably would not have considered to attempt at any time before your fitness journey.

Formatted Classes and Programs

One method to keep you motivated and interested is through group classes. North Vancouver fitness clubs often offer you a choice of classes with experienced instructors who teach these classes. Engaging in structured classes isn't just a great method to acquire new skills, but it also keeps you tied. Knowing that you have a class set up will probably motivate you to take your fitness routine more seriously.

Apart from these facilities, almost all clubs offer programs specially designed for achieving specific health objectives, like weight loss challenges or strength-building programs. Such targeted programs assist you in keeping yourself on track and responsible; which can be highly motivating and easily propel you to reach your goal.

Availability of High-Tech Equipments

A fitness club usually invests in high-quality, state-of-the-art equipment so that its members will have the opportunity to work out with the best tools available for every workout. From cardio machines to free weights, having a wide variety of equipment at your disposal means you can create diverse workout routines and target different muscle groups at one time.

Using high-tech will make the workout more enjoyable as well. Many gyms also have pools, saunas, and recovery rooms. Thus, to relax and recover, there's room for you in the club as well. Finally, the integrative aspect of fitness can change your life.

Flexibility to Fit Your Lifestyle

Joining a North Vancouver fitness club can provide the flexibility you need to fit fitness into your busy lifestyle. With so many operating hours and membership options, you can find a program that suits your schedule and lifestyle. Having a class schedule available during the day or in the evening is one of the benefits of being able to join a fitness club; it just seems to fit into your daily routine easier.

Many clubs provide virtual classes or on-demand workouts, making it easy for those who can only make it to the gym a few times a week. It really is a life-saver when you are often at your wit's end, especially with hectic schedules.

Monitoring Progress and Rewarding Success

Tracking progress is a very vital part of health objectives. Most of the North Vancouver fitness clubs are equipped with tools and resources to help you monitor your workouts and assess your progress over time. Whether it's through fitness assessments, mobile apps, or your personal training sessions, clear pictures of improvements will motivate you toward your goals.

Another very important reason is to celebrate any small achievements. North Vancouver fitness clubs tend to recognize member achievements, be it through awards, shout-outs in classes, or community events. This will make you more confident and want to stick with the fitness course more.

Final Words

Joining the fitness club of North Vancouver can substantially benefit your health and wellness journey. With a supportive community, professional guidance, options for diverse fitness, state-of-the-art equipment, and much more, you will find everything necessary for success. Remember, fitness is a journey, and having the right support makes all the difference.

At Andrea Klas Fitness, we want you to succeed in meeting your body fitness goals. With extensive experience working with trainers and a lively community by your side, you can be sure that your journey will not be taken lightly. Come and join today and begin your path towards wellness and happiness!

[strengthpillar]

Weight Loss Tips || Weight Loss Fast Tips

The desire to shed some pounds and feel more confident in your body is a common aspiration. But navigating the world of weight loss can be overwhelming, with conflicting information and fad diets promising quick fixes. Here, we'll delve into practical strategies that promote sustainable weight loss and a healthier you.

Understanding Energy Balance: Calories In vs. Calories Out

The core principle of weight loss boils down to energy balance. When you consume fewer calories than your body burns, you create a calorie deficit, leading to weight loss. Conversely, a calorie surplus (consuming more calories than you burn) results in weight gain. Let's explore strategies for influencing both sides of this equation:

1. Mindful Eating: Eating with Awareness

Practice mindful eating: Pay attention to hunger and satiety cues. Eat slowly, savor your food, and stop when comfortably full, not stuffed.

Plan your meals: Avoid spontaneous unhealthy choices by planning nutritious meals and snacks in advance. This helps maintain calorie control.

Reduce distractions: Turn off the TV, phone, or computer while eating. Focus on the experience of eating, making you more aware of portion sizes.

Read food labels: Be mindful of hidden sugars and unhealthy fats. Choose whole foods over processed ones whenever possible.

2. Prioritizing Protein and Fiber for Satiety

Protein: Include lean protein sources like fish, chicken, beans, lentils, and tofu in your diet. Protein helps you feel fuller for longer, reducing calorie intake throughout the day.

Fiber: Opt for high-fiber foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes. Fiber promotes satiety and digestive health.

3. Making Smart Choices: Swapping Unhealthy Optional

Reduce sugary drinks: Ditch sugary sodas, juices, and energy drinks. Opt for water, unsweetened tea, or black coffee. These quench your thirst without adding unnecessary calories.

Choose healthy fats: Opt for unsaturated fats found in avocado, nuts, seeds, and olive oil. Limit saturated and trans fats present in fatty meats, fried foods, and processed snacks.

Refined carbs vs. whole grains: Choose whole grains like brown rice, quinoa, and whole-wheat bread over refined carbohydrates like white bread, pasta, and pastries. Whole grains provide sustained energy and valuable nutrients.

4. Building Sustainable Physical Activity: Find What Works

Regular physical activity is crucial for weight loss and overall health. Find activities you enjoy, whether it's brisk walking, swimming, dancing, cycling, or team sports.

Start gradually: Begin with moderate intensity exercises for 30 minutes most days of the week and gradually increase duration or intensity over time.

Incorporate strength training: Aim for strength training exercises 2-3 times a week. This helps build muscle mass, which increases your metabolism and aids in burning more calories, even at rest.

Find an exercise buddy: Enlist a friend or family member to join your fitness routine. Accountability makes it more enjoyable and increases the likelihood of sticking to your plan.

5. Sleep for Success: The Importance of Rest

Chronic sleep deprivation can disrupt hormones that regulate hunger and satiety, leading to increased cravings and potential weight gain. Aim for 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night. Create a relaxing bedtime routine and maintain a consistent sleep schedule.

Beyond the Scale: A Holistic Approach to Weight Loss

Focusing solely on the number on the scale can be discouraging. Here's how to cultivate a more holistic approach:

Celebrate non-scale victories: Track improvements in energy levels, mood, strength, and how your clothes fit. These are just as important as weight loss.

Manage stress: Chronic stress can sabotage your weight loss efforts. Practice stress-management techniques like yoga, meditation, or deep breathing.

Find a support system: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand your goals and encourage your journey.

Seek professional guidance: Consider consulting a registered dietitian or a doctor who can tailor a personalized plan based on your individual needs and health conditions.

Remember: Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient, kind to yourself, and celebrate your progress. Embrace these tips and make small, sustainable changes for a healthier and happier you.

Additional Points to Consider

This article provides general guidelines. Always consult a doctor before starting a new diet or exercise program, especially if you have any underlying health conditions. Personalization is key. Experiment to find what works best for your body and lifestyle. Focus on building healthy habits for long-term success.

[althealthinfos]

Ready to Shred Fat? Your Guide to Intermittent Fasting for Weight Loss

Ever wondered how do you do intermittent fasting for weight loss? This trendy eating pattern has taken the health world by storm, and for good reason. Intermittent fasting (IF) is a powerful tool that can help you shed pounds, boost your metabolism, and even improve your overall health.

In this comprehensive guide, we'll break down everything you need to know about intermittent fasting for weight loss. We'll explore what it is, how it works, and the many benefits it offers. We'll also provide a step-by-step guide on getting started and maximizing your success with IF.

What is Intermittent Fasting (IF)?

Intermittent fasting (IF) is an eating pattern that cycles between periods of eating and fasting. Unlike traditional calorie restriction diets, IF focuses on when you eat rather than what you eat. There are several popular IF methods, each with different fasting and eating windows:

16/8 Method: This method involves fasting for 16 hours and restricting your eating window to 8 hours each day.

5:2 Diet: This approach involves eating normally for 5 days of the week and restricting calories to 500-600 calories on 2 non-consecutive days.

Eat-Stop-Eat: This method involves completely fasting for 24 hours once or twice a week.

How Does IF Work for Weight Loss?

There are several mechanisms by which IF can promote weight loss:

Increased Insulin Sensitivity: When you fast, your body becomes more sensitive to insulin, the hormone responsible for shuttling blood sugar into your cells. This improved insulin sensitivity allows your body to burn fat more efficiently for energy.

Reduced Calorie Intake: By limiting your eating window, IF naturally restricts your daily calorie intake, leading to a calorie deficit and weight loss.

Increased Metabolic Rate: Studies suggest that IF may boost your metabolism, causing you to burn more calories even at rest.

Benefits of IF Beyond Weight Loss

While weight loss is a major perk, IF offers other potential health benefits:

Improved Blood Sugar Control: IF may improve insulin sensitivity and blood sugar control, potentially benefiting those with prediabetes or type 2 diabetes.

Reduced Inflammation: Studies suggest that IF may reduce chronic inflammation, a risk factor for many diseases.

Enhanced Brain Function: Some research indicates that IF may improve cognitive function and protect against neurodegenerative diseases.

Getting Started with IF

Before diving into IF, it's important to consult with your doctor to ensure it's safe for you. Here's how to get started safely and effectively:

Choose an IF Method: Select an IF method that fits your lifestyle and preferences. Start with a shorter fasting window if you're new to IF and gradually increase the duration as you get comfortable.

Focus on Whole Foods: During your eating window, prioritize whole, unprocessed foods like fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains.

Stay Hydrated: Drinking plenty of water is crucial during fasting periods to stay hydrated and support overall health.

Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your hunger cues and adjust your fasting window as needed. Don't push yourself to the point of extreme hunger or discomfort.

Tips for Success with IF

Here are some tips to maximize your success with IF:

Plan Your Meals: Planning your meals beforehand ensures you have healthy options readily available during your eating window.

Find an Accountability Partner: Partnering with a friend or family member who is also trying IF can provide support and motivation.

Stay Busy During Fasts: Distract yourself during fasting periods by keeping busy with work, hobbies, or exercise.

Break Your Fast Gently: When breaking your fast, opt for easy-to-digest foods and gradually reintroduce solid foods.

Who Should Avoid IF?

While generally safe for healthy adults, IF may not be suitable for everyone. Consult your doctor before trying IF if you have any underlying health conditions, such as:

Diabetes (especially type 1)

Eating disorders

Pregnancy or breastfeeding

Conclusion

Intermittent fasting can be a powerful tool for weight loss and overall health improvement. By understanding the science behind IF, choosing the right method, and following these tips, you can experience success with this eating pattern.

Ready to explore more weight loss strategies? Head over to our extensive diet and weight loss blog for a treasure trove of information and tips.

Looking for an extra boost in your weight loss journey? Consider natural supplements like Liv Pure (disclaimer: always consult your doctor before starting any new supplements). However, it's important to remember that supplements should complement a healthy diet and lifestyle, not replace them.

For an unbiased look at various weight loss supplements, check out our top weight loss supplement reviews here. We provide in-depth analyses of popular supplements to help you make informed decisions.

Remember, consistency is key to success with any weight loss plan. Intermittent fasting can be a powerful tool, but it's just one piece of the puzzle. By combining IF with a healthy diet, regular exercise, and a good night's sleep, you'll be well on your way to achieving your weight loss goals!

[fitnessreview]

Busted! Separating Weight Loss Facts from Fiction (Plus Actionable Tips!)

Ugh, the internet is a jungle of weight loss advice, and sometimes it's hard to know what's legit and what's just a myth. Fear not, fellow warriors! This guide will help you sort fact from fiction and equip you with actionable tips for sustainable weight loss.

Myth Busting: Let's Debunk Some Common Weight Loss Misconceptions!

Carbs Are the Enemy: False! Complex carbs like whole grains, fruits, and veggies are essential for sustained energy and a healthy diet. Focus on limiting refined carbs like sugary drinks and white bread.

Skipping Meals Speeds Up Weight Loss: Nope! Skipping meals can actually slow your metabolism and lead to overeating later. Aim for regular, balanced meals throughout the day.

Spot Training Works: Wishful thinking! You can't target fat loss to specific areas. Focus on full-body workouts to burn calories and build muscle mass.

Detox Diets Are Magical: Hold on! While a temporary cleanse might make you feel lighter, it's not a sustainable weight loss strategy. Focus on long-term healthy habits.

How a Women Lose 80lbs in just 6 months Click Here to Watch!

Actionable Tips: Put Your Weight Loss Journey on the Fast Track!

Find Your Why: What motivates you to lose weight? Having a clear goal will help you stay focused and committed.

Make Small, Sustainable Changes: Ditch the all-or-nothing approach. Start by incorporating small, healthy changes you can stick with long-term.

Fuel Your Body Right: Focus on whole, unprocessed foods like fruits, veggies, lean protein, and whole grains. These foods will keep you feeling full and energized.

Move Your Body: Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week. Find activities you enjoy, like dancing, swimming, or brisk walking.

Strength Training Matters: Build muscle mass to boost your metabolism and burn more calories at rest. Start with bodyweight exercises or light weights.

Stay Hydrated: Water is essential for overall health and can also help you feel full. Aim for eight glasses of water per day.

Don't Deprive Yourself: An occasional indulgence won't derail your progress. Enjoy treats in moderation and focus on making healthy choices most of the time.

Get Enough Sleep: When you're sleep-deprived, your body produces more ghrelin (the hunger hormone) and less leptin (the satiety hormone), making you crave unhealthy foods. Aim for 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night.

Track Your Progress: Keeping a food journal or using a fitness tracker can help you stay accountable and motivated.

Find Your Support System: Having a friend, family member, or online community to cheer you on can make a big difference.

Remember: Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Celebrate non-scale victories like increased energy levels, improved mood, and stronger muscles.

Ready to Ditch the Weight Loss Myths and Embrace Sustainable Habits?

By separating fact from fiction and incorporating these actionable tips, you can achieve your weight loss goals and develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

How to Create a Balanced Diet for Weight Loss (and Keep it Off!)

What are your biggest weight loss myths or questions? Share them in the comments below and let's support each other on this journey!

[herbaldiabetescare025]

Diabetes: Diet aur Lifestyle Tips for Blood Sugar Management

Topic- Diabetes

Title: Diabetes: Diet aur Lifestyle Tips for Blood Sugar Management

Product:-Dr Diabetic Blood Sugar Capsule 60's

Primary keyword - ayurvedic medicine for diabetes

Meta Title- Diabetes: Diet aur Lifestyle Tips for Blood Sugar Management

Meta Description-

What is the main reason for diabetes?

When the pancreas does not produce enough or any insulin, blood glucose levels increase. Diabetes can affect people of all ages. Glucose (sugar) comes mainly from carbohydrates present in food and beverages. It is the source of energy for the body.

What are the early symptoms of Diabetes/Sugar?

Early symptoms of diabetes may include:

Feeling thirsty again and again, feeling very hungry, fluidity and fatigue experience, weight loss, excessive urination, Slow deterioration in the quality of ulcers and wounds.

Genetics: Genetic susceptibility plays a significant role. If your family members have diabetes, you are at increased risk of having it too.

Insulin Resistance: When the body cannot use insulin effectively, diabetes can occur. Insulin resistance is part of metabolic syndrome, which is linked to obesity.

Type 1 Diabetes: Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disorder, in which the body attacks its own insulin-producing cells. Genetics and environmental factors have played a role.

Type 2 Diabetes: In type 2 diabetes, your body doesn't make enough insulin or doesn't use the insulin well. Then too much glucose remains in your blood, and not enough gets to your cells. The good news is that you can take steps to prevent or delay the development of type 2 diabetes. Insulin is produced in blood, but the body cannot use insulin effectively. Type 2 diabetes can be caused by obesity, genetics, age, ethnicity, and lifestyle factors.

A reading of 200 mg/dl or higher may indicate diabetes. If the blood glucose level reading is very high in the blood test.

Generally, if sugar is 100 mg/dl then it is considered normal but if fasting blood sugar is between 120 to 130 then it is borderline of diabetes.

Treatment for Diabetes/Sugar-

To control sugar levels, you have to take care of what you eat. Here are the tips that may help you:

You can take Complex Carbohydrates, High-Fiber Food, Protein-rich Foods, Healthy Fats, Portion Control, Avoid Sugary Foods, Stay Hydrated and do regular exercise.

You can also choose Cipzer Ayurvedic Dr. Diabetic Blood Sugar Capsule that is a natural and powerful supplement designed to help regulate blood sugar levels and improve overall health and well-being. With a blend of powerful herbs and nutrients, this supplement helps to regulate blood glucose levels, promote healthy insulin function, and reduce the risk of blood sugar-related complications.

Consult the Doctor: If you have any specific diabetic conditions, consult a specialist for personalized advice and treatment options.

By following these tips, you can help protect yourself from disease and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

[topfindr]

Healthy diet chart for weight loss 💎 How to Lose Weight Fast

You might be tempted to go on a crash diet and conduct excessive workouts to lose weight. However, this is not the best technique to lose weight. Furthermore, some people may not notice any change in inches over time. As a result, individuals may lose motivation quickly and to know a healthy diet chart for weight loss. When it comes to fat burning, several factors must be considered.  We highlight many areas of weight loss and provide an easy-to-follow health diet chart for weight loss. You will also receive useful ideas to help you on your weight loss journey.

Weight loss influencing factors

Losing and maintaining weight requires a combination of regular activity and a well-balanced diet. Sleep is just as vital. Some of the elements that influence weight reduction are listed below. Foods: Eating a nutritious, balanced diet of whole foods that are low in calories and saturated fat but high in fiber and protein will aid in weight loss efforts. Activity: A weight loss regimen must include regular physical activity. Choosing activities that you enjoy and that fit into your schedule will help you stay motivated so let's not forget a healthy diet chart for weight loss. Stress can cause emotional eating and overeating, resulting in weight gain. Deep breathing and yoga, for example, can help you manage stress in the long run. Sleep: Getting enough sleep may aid in the regulation of hormones that regulate hunger and fullness. Poor sleep also leads to higher levels of the hormone ghrelin, which can result in increased appetite and cravings. Medications: Particular medications, such as antidepressants, can potentially impair your weight reduction journey. Consult your doctor about alternatives to the medications you're already taking to lower your risk of weight gain. Genes: Weight gain and reduction can be influenced by genetics. You are more prone to become overweight if a family member is overweight. Age: Age can play a role in weight growth. People's metabolisms slow down as they age, and their bodies become less efficient at burning calories. Hormones: Hormone abnormalities can influence how the body stores and consumes fat. Hormone imbalances such as cortisol, insulin, and thyroid hormones can cause weight gain and we need to know a healthy diet chart for weight loss. Weight Loss Diet Misconceptions There are several fallacies about weight reduction; here are the facts: Myth: You must eliminate all carbs. Truth: An important part of a healthy diet is carbohydrates. Myth: Fad diets offer immediate and long-term effects. Truth: Fad diets frequently result in temporary weight loss.  Myth: Skipping meals aids weight loss. Truth: Skipping meals might cause your metabolism to slow down and lead to overeating later in the day.  Myth: Supplements can be used in place of a healthy diet. Truth: Supplements should only be used to supplement a healthy diet. Here are important components of a well-balanced weight-loss diet Proteins Carbs Fibre sufficient portions Fats that are good for you Reduce your calorie intake. Adequate physical activity Intermezzo intervals Getting enough water What You'll Need to Begin Your Weight Loss Journey Calorie counter for food Weighing scale Healthy recipes Meal preparation Appropriate exercise equipment Tips for a Successful Weight Loss Journey Losing weight may look overwhelming at first, but you will quickly become accustomed to the process. Following these tips will help you lose weight faster. Consume plenty of fruits, veggies, legumes, and entire grains. Include lean proteins like poultry, fish, tofu, eggs, and lentils in your diet. Consume nuts, olive oil, and avocados which are considered healthy fats. Include low-fat dairy in your diet. Make physical activity or exercise a part of your everyday routine. Stay hydrated throughout the day. Keep a food journal or log to help you track your progress. Avoid skipping meals, especially breakfast.  To reduce weight, avoid crash diets and excessive caloric limits. Avoid snacking on processed foods such as chips, candies, cookies, and pastries. Avoid drinks with sugar like soda, juice, and energy drinks. Avoid caffeine and alcohol. After a certain hour in the evening, do not eat. Do not base your food intake on just one or two substantial meals. Eat less fried and oily foods.

Considerations When Following a Weight Loss Diet Plan Say no to processed and packaged foods. Maintain a well-balanced diet high in whole foods. Make an effort to maintain or raise your level of physical activity. Sugars should be avoided. Conclusion:  There is no quick fix for losing weight, but with the correct tools, recipes, and mindset, you can be well on your way to reaching your goal weight. Remember that it is the trip that determines the destination! FAQ: What should you consume to lose weight? When it comes to losing weight, it is critical to prioritize healthy eating habits. A good diet for weight loss should include plenty of vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, fruits, and healthy fats. Consuming nutrient-dense meals such as whole wheat bread, lean meats, eggs, and low-fat dairy can assist you in maintaining a healthy weight. Also, as far as possible, limit or avoid processed and high-fat foods. When trying to reduce weight, how frequently should one eat? Eating constantly in a day can help you keep a healthy weight and finally help you lose weight. Eat five to six modest meals every day to maintain your energy levels and avoid overeating. To guarantee proper nutrition, these meals should include a balance of protein, carbohydrates, and healthy fats. In order to lose weight, how much water should you drink? Staying hydrated is essential to your weight loss strategy. It is recommended that you drink six to eight glasses of water per day to take out toxins and keep your cells hydrated. Also, drinking water before meals will make you feel full faster, resulting in improved portion control. Which diet is best for losing weight? Various sorts of diets can aid in weight loss. Low-carb diets, such as the ketogenic and Atkins diets, are popular among those who desire to limit their carb intake and lose weight. Plant-based diets, such as vegetarian and vegan, can also help with weight loss since they emphasize healthy, high-fiber meals and limit bad fats. The Mediterranean diet is also advised for people who want to reduce weight because it comprises entire foods that are healthful. Read the full article

[healthguidenow]

Free Keto Diet Plan for Seniors: A Comprehensive Guide 🌟🧓🥑

Blog Introduction Paragraph:

As we age, maintaining a healthy diet becomes increasingly crucial. With the help of a keto diet, seniors can experience a range of health benefits, including improving their cognitive function, reducing inflammation, and losing weight. However, finding the right keto diet plan can feel overwhelming and expensive, but what if it didn’t have to be? In this blog post, we’ll explore the different aspects of free keto diet plans and how seniors can implement them into their daily lives. 🍽️🧠💪

Blog Body:

Understand the Basics of a Keto Diet

A keto diet typically consists of a low-carb, high-fat diet plan that encourages the body to reach a state of ketosis. This natural process happens when the body lacks glucose, and instead, the liver produces an alternative source of energy called ketones. When the body is in ketosis, it burns fat for energy instead of carbohydrates. This state promotes weight loss and increased energy levels. As seniors age, it’s essential to change their food choices to healthier options for a more active lifestyle. 🥦🥩🔥

Free Resources for a Keto Diet Plan

Maintaining a diet plan can be pricey, but there are plenty of free resources that seniors can access. For instance, various websites offer free keto meal plans with ingredient lists and recipes. Online communities exist for seniors to gain support and accountability as they embark on their keto journey. Additionally, seniors can learn to calculate their daily caloric requirements and macronutrient intake by several free keto calculators available online. These calculators help seniors to learn to maintain a healthy balanced diet conveniently. 📊💻🤝

How Seniors Can Shop Smart

Grocery shopping can be a hassle for seniors, but implementing smart shopping strategies can improve the quality of their keto diet. It’s recommended that seniors make a list when they go grocery shopping to avoid unneeded purchases. Seniors can take advantage of sales and incentives to purchase bulk items when they are available and freeze them. Buying in-season produce is another way seniors can save money while ensuring that they eat fresh, healthy, and affordable fruits and vegetables. 🛒📋❄️

Prepare Keto Meals in Advance

Meal preparation can be tedious, but it is one of the best ways to stick to a keto diet plan. Meal prep can reduce the temptation of fast food and unhealthy options. Seniors can block out time in their schedules to unload groceries, prepare food, and cook in bulk. Cooking with family members and friends can also give them the opportunity to interact with others and share resources for a healthier and more active lifestyle. 👩‍🍳🍲👨‍🍳

Additional Tips for Seniors on a Keto Diet

For seniors, the keto diet can have major benefits, but it’s essential to proceed with caution. While a low-carb diet plan can produce weight loss and gain energy, seniors with preexisting health conditions should consult with a doctor before starting a keto diet. Seniors should also drink plenty of water, eat enough healthy fats and protein and maintain a healthy balanced diet. Snacking on small keto-friendly meals can combat hunger and prevent overeating. 🥤🥩🥗

Conclusion:

A keto diet plan can be the perfect solution for seniors looking for healthier eating options and ways to maintain an active lifestyle. With various free resources available online, seniors can maintain well-balanced and cost-effective diets. By implementing smart shopping strategies and preparing meals in advance, seniors can reduce costs and save time while following a keto diet plan. While the keto diet plan may not suit everyone, the benefits of this diet make it worth exploring. As always, consult with a doctor before starting a new diet plan and remember to proceed with caution. 🌟🧓🥗