#fart jokes and sex puns

[alexsoenomel]

Being loved by Dean Winchester would include: (you being not so clueless edition)

Note: I'm currently kinda heartbroken over someone I've never dated (we were best friends) so I added some cute things he used to do before everything went to shit. I think I'll love him forever, he's not good for me and yet I still love him.

You noticing Dean checking you out from time to time and feeling your cheeks burn.

Whenever you had a day off he wanted to hang out, and even if you didn't feel like hanging out with anybody, you always did because you loved spending time with him.

If you were in your room he would always come to checkup on you, his head would peek out awkwardly before he would open the door fully to come in.

Every time you made pancakes he would tell you he loved you before stuffing his pie hole.

Sometimes he loved making you food if you were too tired.

Feeling the energy change between you two. The pure, authentic connection just kept getting stronger.

He loved sharing his food with you.

One day you noticed the way he would just stare at you whenever you had a silent moment. The eyes never lie, especially his.

Sometimes you would finish each other sentences.

You loved the fact you both had the same music taste and you especially loved the way he admired your knowledge of music and art.

You loved the fact that he would let you in on his thoughts and feelings. He wasn't afraid to be vulnerable with you.

You saw how much he really trusted you which was a big thing considering he had trust issues and was known to hide things from Sam.

He would let you choose songs while you were on the road and he would never protest.

You both had the same lame dad humour and loved telling eachother jokes.

You would sometimes talk about stupid shit like different kinds of farts at 5 in the morning because you both had trouble sleeping.

Addictive laughs. If one was laughing the other one would follow.

You both loved annoying Sam with stupid jokes and puns.

Him teasing you about your past flings and relationships. Sometimes he would bring them up so much you had to tell him to shut up. You had a feeling he was secretly jealous.

Him trusting you with Baby was when you started realizing.

Being overprotective and always making sure you were safe and comfortable no matter what made you blush.

Spending more and more time together alone and Sam being more than happy to NOT tag along.

Watching movies in your room and you resting your head on his shoulder.

Drinking together and somehow always ending up talking about past flings and sex.

You slowly falling for him.

One day you finally decided to break the ice and kiss him good night after a successful hunt.

He kissed you back and finally everything made sense.

"You're more than obvious." You told him.

"And you're so clueless sometimes."

[leftsidebonfire]

51%, for any OC(s) you like!

51%. What kind of comedy does your character prefer? Toilet humor, vulgar, slapstick, morbid, etc.

Oooh this is a good one!!

Eleni: Definitely dark and vulgar humor. Jokes about death, killing, sex, random shock humor. She also has very sarcastic humor, like a bit of bullying means that she likes you. She prefers sarcasm and people who can understand a sarcastic joke without getting all bent out of shape about it.

Jocasta: Nobody makes better jokes about Jocasta than Jocasta. She loves self-deprecating humor and picking on herself. She also has a fair bit of toilet humor, like fart jokes still make her giggle. She makes inappropriate jokes as well, a little vulgar. A major sucker for PUNS!

Unaek: She loves puns and childish humor. Silly stupid jokes. Toilet humor as well, for her. Unaek and Jo often giggle over silly things like farts or people falling over.

Phaedra: Sarcastic and Dark humor, also puns. She basically likes to turn any situation into a joke.

Amaryllis: Slapstick comedy and long-winded jokes. She likes jokes that are a whole story to tell, and also classic types of wordplay.

[voxblade]

*cracks knuckles* It’s time. It’s time to awaken my true power.

The power of ✨ CRINGE ✨

Vinn. My nemesis. My friend. Were I of simple blood, I might’ve moved on, but in my heart of hearts Sans is cowabunga man and lord of Get Dunked. If I let this slander go unpunished, Valhalla will not accept me. As such, it is time for...

Sans Needs To Win The 2023 Tumblr Sexyrematch & Here’s Why

You might know him as Sans Undertale. You might know him as the guy who bitchslaps a child to death. You might know him as Bone Daddy. But who is he, really?

To begin this beatdown, let us reference how you began this thread. Quote: “When thinking of a tumblr sexyman we want someone who is an unattractive disaster in many ways but is easy to yassify and slutify. “ Interesting you should say that, because that description fits Sans to a T.

As shown here, he has a simple, but effective design. Yes, his head is shaped like an obese peanut. Yes, he has eye bags despite being a skeleton somehow. Yes, he is wearing slippers despite living in a snowy place/waiting in the judgement hall to beat you to death. Did any of that stop people from wanting to fuck him? No! In fact, the fandom went out of their way to invent whole-ass headcanons about monster sex just in the name of getting boned, despite it being impossible on paper to fuck a skeleton in the traditional way. And it doesn’t stop there! The OG!tumblr sexy man, Onceler, was famous for his fandom’s propensity for cloning and yassifying the character, each with their own spin on him, no? Well, Sans is the king of that. We got regular Sans. We got Underfell Sans. Swaptale Sans. Underswap Sans. Outertale Sans. Horrortale Sans. Dusttale Sans. Error Sans. Fresh Sans. Mafiatale Sans. Dancetale Sans. Dreamtale Sans. Gaster!Sans. Aftertale Sans. Science!Sans. Flowerfell Sans. Inktale Sans. Swapfell Sans. Gaster-Blaster Sans. Reapertale Sans. Those are just the famous AUs, btw, and ship art for them, while less common now, was a fandom staple for eons whether you liked it or not. Sans was so popular he splintered off his original fandom and grew his own bizarre Sans-exclusively-focused one, like a tumour. It was insane. It was creative. It was horrifying. It was sacred. It was TUMBLR. The Sans rabbithole is like an abyss the further into it you get. There are AUs upon AUs upon AUs, yawning out forever. A web, if you will, with this ketchup drinker in dead center.

I ask you this, where is this collective madness for Reigan?

Other fun things about Sans, besides the meta elements, for why he should win:

1) he has depression and hes lazy wow hes just like me fr

2) PSYCHE!!! the reason he’s depressed and lazy is because he’s aware he’s got the potential to be in a timeloop and he has no idea when the world will reset around him, so he struggles putting effort into anything when he’s aware it can be undone on the whim of some otherworldly force he can’t control. Dude is actually probably a scientific genius given what’s in his basement, and yet he spends his days in loose shorts making bad puns and sleeping to keep the existential dread away. Iconic.

3) AND YET he also he also juggles like six jobs or something in the background of the game to pay the bills and keep an eye on the player because even despite all that he still cares about Papyrus and the monsters around him. He’s a damn decent dude!!!

4) He’s genuinely really funny. He uses an actual door to practice knock-knock jokes on. He waits on standby with a trombone to get a rise out of Papyrus. Bad puns out the wazoo. Papyrus makes an awesome snow sculpture of himself, and Sans just gets a snow mound together with his name sprawled on it lazily. He has two passwords in the event he meets a time traveler, one being “i’m a stupid doo-doo butt” and the other being “i’m the legendary fart master”. I’m scratching just the tip of the iceberg here. If you’ve played the game, you just know that if Sans shows up the scene almost always will have something that will make you chuckle. What’s better than a man who can make you laugh? Nothing, that’s what.

5) AND YET Sans can jump from goofy to intimidating as hell on a dime. It comes out very rarely, but that’s what makes the scenes where the light gutters out of his sockets so memorable. “You’d be dead where you stand” is such a memorable line because it completely reshapes everything you thought you knew about the character up to that point. And his performance on the genocide path? Unforgettable. Breathtaking. He is without a shred of mercy for your evil ass. He pulls every underhanded trick he can in the fight. Megalovania became famous for a reason, because it fucking SLAPS. The sheer, barely masked contempt in his dialogue that he delivers with a grin hurts in all the best ways. Get you a man who can do both, indeed.

6) i mentioned it before he LOVES papyrus he loves him so much it makes my heart so full, he actively praises the player for taking Papyrus’s side whenever the brothers debate stupid bullshit, he is furious with the player if they kill him to the point it carries onto other save files (”You want a tip for fighting my brother?” **[eyes go black]** “Don’t.” **[in a flash, he’s warped away]**) I just. Ahhhh!!!! AHHHH!!!

7) “Sans Undertale fucked my mom” is still one of the greatest memes of all time

8) All these years since Undertale’s release, and we still don’t know what he actually is. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of the fandom. He’s a monster -- one made of bones no less -- and yet, he bleeds when you kill him. Sans and Papyrus just seemed to... appear one day. They seem associated with Gaster, but are they, really? What’s all that stuff in Sans’s basement? Where are the gaster-blasters from? How is it that he can teleport? The headcanon fodder is endless. You can jump from interpretation to interpretation and it’ll be a long time before you get bored.

9) Speaking of the mystery... anything could be under that hoodie, actually.

I rest my case.

**EDIT!!!! THERE IS ONE OTHER CRUCIAL FACTOR MAKING SANS IN FAVOUR OF WINNING THIS TIME:

A ROYAL DIED LAST TIME HE WON.

THINK OF WHO ELSE THIS MAN CAN KILL.

Reigen Needs To Win The 2023 Tumblr Sexyrematch & Here's Why

(Spoiler warning for mp100)

Reigen Arataka is the best candidate, but also has the best motif. When thinking of a tumblr sexyman we want someone who is an unattractive disaster in many ways but is easy to yassify and slutify.

Disclaimer: This is a very lazy breakdown of his character and not meant to be a serious analysis, partially because I am very insane over him and would be putting way too much of my own personal headcanons and fantheories in that no one would want to read and partially because I want to go make lunch soon

In canon Reigen is a conman with a good but somewhat selfish heart and he manipulates children for money, and when his 14 year old student temporarily leaves him he gets depressed and drinks his sorrows away and vomits, except the bartender says something about not even having served him alcohol. He crashes his whole career in a fit of hubris. Certified pathetic man. Sewer rat energy at many points in the story.

His heart is in the right place and he has a redemption! It is very emotionally satisfying and he is willing to die for his student who he previously used and lied for. Ultimate sweetheart, perfect husband material, you want this man to raise your kids but not to file your taxes. Possibly divorce material? Wouldn't key your car I don't think

Gets a nicer and nicer ass as the anime progresses.

Known outside his fandom! My own mutual is reading my nsfw Reigen fanfiction and they haven't even watched or read the source material

Could be fucked by anyone and still be hot, the ship isn't even important at this point he could do it solo

Ultimate dilf number one babygirl hottest anime woman etc etc

Was disgraced by Sans Undertale, needs this rematch to take back his honour and receive the final title as a crown on his hard work to be the hottest character on the Internet

His theme song 'go go Reigen’ is very good to do your chores or homework to, gives you just the right sense of urgency

Multifaceted! You can do whatever you want with this man it is very easy to rotate him in your mind

Where's a suit as per tradition

Modern yet traditional, similarities to our one and only Onceler in that he owns a company that doesn't have the most ethical business practices except Reigen is actually very caring and kind and he is the sexyman for the future

Vote Reigen Arataka

[lavalampelfchild]

Oghren and Banter

I swear, if I get one more portrayal of dwarves as nothing more than a punchline, I’m going to have a gasket or blow a cow. 

Listening to the banter conversations between the companions and Oghren is like all the most annoying stereotypes of dwarves coming to the surface.  I love Zevran and Oghren’s dynamic, because they reach each other on a level that is equal, and neither gives the impression that they’re only tolerating or condescending the other, even though they mainly bond through all those dirty jokes.  But Alistair’s entire conversation set with Oghren consists of Oghren spouting dirty jokes over and over, and Alistair responding in a completely uninterested, very dry tone. 

Morrigan’s are not better; she just seems to be trying to find the best ways to say something that’ll sting or drive Oghren away so that she doesn’t have to deal with him, meanwhile his obliviousness to it all seems to be played off as stupid, and he just keeps going, asking her things about sex and whatnot.  Because Oghren’s a drunk, he’s obsessed with sex!

But lo and behold, Leliana tries to get to know him, and talks to him seriously about Branka, and while he quickly deflects the discussion with a CRAZY STNKY FART, HA HA DWARVES ARE GROSS, he does respond to it with what seems to be genuine bitterness, revealing a different side of himself that does seem to be more genuine than the one that goes with the fart jokes. 

Leliana is also the only one whom Oghren actually asks a serious question; he asks her how the heck she stands it with all this open air, with this great open sky, which canonically makes him uncomfortable.  And Leliana doesn’t make fun of him for it, doesn’t give him shit; she gives him an honest answer.  I just think it’s interesting that because Leliana actually treats him with kindness and some respect, he’s more comfortable with straying from that “drunk, perverted, dirty joker” act to ask her serious questions.

And he listens to her story about how the sky came to be!  He listens and he responds seriously, without making fun of it or deflecting to a different topic with a fart joke or a sex pun! 

Here’s the unfortunate part, though: Oghren has four banter convos with Leliana.  Four!  And one of them is his typical use of innuendo and pervy remarks, though it is during the first conversation he has with her, before he gets to know her; meanwhile another one is entirely dependent on giving Leliana an optional gift (Schmooples the nug), and won’t occur if you don’t get her that gift.  Nice, BioWare.

All of the interesting interactions Oghren could have had – Sten on the different cultures of their people, Leliana on the stories of both of their worlds and the respect they can come to develop for one another, Shale about the dwarven culture surrounding golems – were trimmed down to just two or three banter convos, and it sucks.  Meanwhile, I have to listen to five banter convos rehash a version of what Zevran does with Wynne, except with Oghren (pervy flirting as Wynne gets annoyed and repeatedly puts her foot down about how, no, that’s not going to happen), and more of the exact same innuendos and puns with Oghren’s chats with Alistair and Morrigan.  The only other really solid convos Oghren gets are with Zevran, who very often partakes in the terrible jokes with him, establishing a rapport, and not just an “I’m tolerating you because the Warden wants you here, but I will make very obvious my dislike of talking with you” vibe, like literally everyone else, except Leliana.  

Hell, even Shale – who has some very interesting convos with Oghren – very easily falls into the same habit Alistair and Morrigan and Sten and Wynne when talking to Oghren: i.e. a lot of sighing and making disdainful references to how much he drinks and stop making inappropriate sexual references, you perverted dwarf, and oh, Oghren will be stinking up the joint now, better get some nose plugs!  Yes, that one is actually used in a banter convo.

(Though while Shale doesn’t hold back on the insults about Oghren, Oghren does get some zingers in himself; for example, when Shale compares Oghren to a human in its old village who wandered into a snowstorm and died, Oghren says, “I think I had a wife like you once.”  You know you’re doing friendly banter conversation wrong when I’m actively rooting for one of the two participants to get their asses handed to them, and hey, BioWare does that with five characters who chat with Oghren!)

And Shale and Oghren do have some beautiful convos that delve into whether or not the dwarves would use the Anvil of the Void to create more golems had they the opportunity.  And in those convos, Oghren shows an intriguing and impressive level of insight into the minds of his own people, being certain that they would line up to become golems were someone to learn the magic of the Anvil, and knowing that they’d be willing to subject themselves to that pain because of the decline of the dwarven population. 

And when Shale asks Oghren if Oghren believes the Warden to have been wrong to destroy the Anvil (in the event it was destroyed), Oghren says this:

“(Sigh) No.  Sometime people need to be kept from doing stupid things, even for good reasons.”

And then Shale asks if Oghren is referring to Branka with that statement, and Oghren gets defensive and closes up for the first time in all his banter convos.  Because it hurts to think about Branka in this worldstate, the one in which she died, and refused to listen, and called him worthless before showing how willing she was to watch him die after he spent two years throwing away his reputation amongst his fellow dwarves just to find her.  And we get a different side of him in this!  We see hints of the pain he feels when he thinks of his declining race, when he thinks of what happened to his wife; we see his views on golems and why he thinks they’re worse for the dwarven race than better for them.

But of course, Shale and Oghren’s convos fall right back into the same trend that Oghren’s convos with many other companions do because of course fart jokes and sex puns are all Oghren is good for, right?  And it ruins all that beautiful potential.  There is one more moment which looks like some positive development may be had – Shale admits that Oghren is a decent fighter and that there are worse things than fighting at his side – but that never goes anywhere!  The next convo they have is right back to Oghren deflecting with his usual brand of sex jokes, innuendos, and fart jokes, while Shale sighs and jabs about Oghren’s poor hygiene.  Yay. 

And of course, the dog.  Oghren is at first not a big fan of the dog companion, but he seems to change his tune a little more, and isn’t it goddamn interesting how he has more development in two conversations, and with the dog, than he does in five conversations with other fellow people.  Isn’t it interesting how the dog is the one with whom Oghren shares his dreams of achieving glory for his house (in however amusing a vision), of earning a good reputation among his people after having been shunned and tossed aside by them?  Isn’t it interesting how Oghren shares his abject disagreement with the use and creation of golems with the dog, even though the dog joins the ranks of the companions who don’t like Oghren and have no tolerance for him?  How fucking interesting.  Thank you, BioWare, for that.  Thank you for lowering all of your characters – with the exception of Leliana and Zevran, mind you – to a one-note punchline, or to being the idiots who actually believe this dwarf is only a one-note punchline.

Leliana, Zevran, this is why I love you.  Alistair, Morrigan, Wynne, Shale, Sten, hell, even Dog, y’all can go sit someplace where I don’t have to look at you, and stay there until you think about what you’ve done.  I love you all, but you never learn anything in your damn banter.  If a dynamic starts out bad or hostile, it stays bad or hostile (maybe with one or two red herrings of incomplete development); if it starts good and wholesome, it stays good and wholesome.  It’s only ever an unmoving line, a constant adherence to whatever status quo the first conversation establishes.  No one ever learns, tries to understand, or develops in any way with these other characters they chat with, and I’m tired of it.  And for the writers who thought that it was a good idea to give us a myriad of the exact same jokes over and over instead of developing the one dwarf companion you gave us, I bite my thumb at you.

[baddiedaddy7]

💚🐸𝙈𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙮 𝙎𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨🐸💚

𝗔𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀

attention span is not long. may ditch old ideas, if they get bored, or find something more interesting. HAS to win an argument. may think being the louder one during an argument is the way to win lmao. talks in a dynamic way. argumentive. may make a good public speaker. may text too fast, and mess up on a few words. communication style is aggressive(always has to be right, loud, might scapegoat, etc). humor may be childish(fart jokes, butt jokes, burp jokes, just dumb shit in general lol), or humor that involves getting injured(hitting your head on something, tripping, etc). slapstick humor

𝗧𝗮𝘂𝗿𝘂𝘀

great attention span, but may be a slow learner or talker. talks with stability/most likely doesn’t stutter. doesn’t mind staying on the same topic/not changing the subject. like aries, in an argument they will rarely admit they were wrong, hard-headed. arguing with these ppl are the worst, since they don’t allow others to have opinions which is annoying asf(my sister has this lmao, and i have a taurus mars, so you could imagine💀). your mind rarely changes, once made up. not the most open minded. talks with practicality. may type slow tbh lmao, and dry. may also take a century to reply. communication style may be passive aggressive(may not like being straightforward, “i didn’t think you’d pass this class, but good job”, etc) humor may be well written skits, or roasts.

𝗚𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶

attention span is fleeting. curious about numerous of things. may stutter thanks to gemini jittery energy. rarely turns down a debate, might even lie in a disagreement to win😃. first to speak if it’s too quiet for too long. type of person to have random knowledge or may know fun facts. talks with wit. types fast, replies fast, just very active on social media. meme user. sends messages in short patches instead of just one big paragraph. communication style is passive aggressive(may mumble under breath, etc). humor may be random. may love puns.

𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿

attention span is good, esp if it’s topics they feel with. may be bias in an argument between other ppl😬. may want to “hug” it out lmao. may like to talk abt emotional topics. talks with care. probably uses emojis a lot. writes paragraphs/in long sentences. communication style varies tbh😭. i’m just gonna do passive-aggressive(backhanded compliments, talks behind your back instead of confronting you) or assertive(expressing your wants and needs, while considering others feelings). inside jokes are your thing, goofy asf with ppl you’re comfortable with. dry humor

𝗟𝗲𝗼

attention span may be short lived. may only talk abt themselves which can be annoying💀. believe it or not, they may take a calm/chill approach in an argument. overdramatic in their speech. talks with confidence. keeps the conversation interesting/not dry. initiator in group chats. usually replies fast. communication style is assertive(uses “i”, knows their worth, etc). playful name calling is their type of humor.

𝗩𝗶𝗿𝗴𝗼

attention span may not be that good tbh(like their opposite sign, they daydream off into the distance). talks with practicality. make sure to fact check, when arguing with these ppl, or they may verbally violate you. very nit picky ppl, and may be big complainers. may abbreviate a lot of words lmao. another dry texting placement, and rarely uses emojis. communication style is passive aggressive(throws shade lmao, may like to just go with the flow, etc). may make fun of yourself to get laughs. might like humor that criticizes/makes fun of things/ppl in general. their humor has some truth to it😓.

𝗟𝗶𝗯𝗿𝗮

attention span is usually good. easy going in speech. talks with equality. can also be charismatic. may ppl please. in arguments, they can try to compromise, and fix everything, even when it’s unfixable. dislikes conflict, and may need to learn to embrace them. may dislike ppl that curse a lot, or are loud. the way you text may be unclear to some. also texting isn’t direct, and may use things like “k” or “nice”. communication style is passive(lacks eye contact, doesn’t want any conflict even though they feel some type of way, etc). another placement that likes well written jokes, and may have a strong dislike for dark/inappropriate humor lol.

𝗦𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗶𝗼

attention span is attentive. you’re not easy to read, and it can take time to truly know you. you may over analyze and get suspicious over the dumbest things. observant, and might be into psychology. in arguments, doesn’t tolerate dumb shit. can be a bit of a ghost when it comes to texting. tries to get in your business and asks random shit. might not text too much info, since they don’t want ppl to screenshot the chat lmao. assertive is your communication style(considers others feelings, uses “i”, etc) or aggressive(yells, tries to intimidate you, etc). humor may be dark, offensive, and/or taboo/inappropriate. sexual jokes.

𝗦𝗮𝗴𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘂𝘀

attention span is actually good, if they’re interested, if not then it’s non existent. either rlly open or rlly closed minded. you may mistake being blunt for being honest or some ppl may mistake your realness for being rude. talks with rowdiness. in arguments, may be hostile. uses “:), </3” instead of “😃💔” in text. but then again, may use actual emojis a bit. communication style is aggressive(loud, doesn’t consider others feelings, etc). humor may be mocking accents, sarcasm, and/or satire.

𝗖𝗮𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗻

attention span is short, if what you’re talking abt isn’t important to us. fluent in atleast 2 languages, which are sarcasm, and facts. we don’t have time or patience for ignorance. we may come off as standoffish, when in reality we just stick to ourselves or we’re just too honest. talks with common sense. talking is soothing, atleast i’ve been told. i feel like we use facts in an argument more than emotions, but me personally i try to include both(this is my placement :)). probably doesn’t use caps in text. may have a lot of ppl on delivered. reply game varies based on person, only replies fast to important ppl. communication style is most likely assertive(has a backbone, stands up for themselves without being loud, etc). humor is satire, dark/offensive, and/or sarcastic. if you have tiktok, you definitely know abt satire humor LMAO.

𝗔𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘂𝘀

attention span is only good if they care. says random things. takes forever to reply. talks with detachment. observant. in arguments, probably doesn’t think of others feelings, and just says whatever. may be harsh in arguing. another placement that probably uses this “<3, :), etc” instead of “❤️���”. may ghost your messages. communication style is passive aggressive(talks shit behind your back, may not care to confront others, etc). surreal humor, humor is eccentric lol. may like adult animated shows

𝗣𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝘀

attention span isn’t good, since they daydream a lot. might say personal stuff in accident. relatable. great listeners. talks with warm heartedness. cool in arguments, and will stand up for what they feel is right if necessary. another placement that may use emojis a lot. texting may be emotional. shitty grammar. communication style is passive(goes with the flow, bad eye contact/body language, hates drama, etc). another placement that makes jokes abt sex. may joke abt drugs(other ppl doing it or themselves, or ppl acting like their on drugs lmao)

please keep in mind that other things will affect certain traits, like your moon sign. don’t plagiarize, and have a good day🤍

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

WHY DID HE NOT GET A FUNERAL. MY GIRL YN BETTER THROW HIM ONE ONCE HE TELLS HER EVERYTHING AND MAKE IT A GOOD ONE

Y/N: We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Harry Edward Styles—

Harry, from his spot inside a velvet-lined 24k gold coffin that he bought for the sake of dramatics: Read the script I wrote you!!

Y/N: Harry—

Harry: READ THE SCRIPT. This is the funeral I never had, do I at least not deserve the eulogy I want??

Y/N, exasperated: FINE. Uhm....‘We are gathered here today, by the grace of the amazing man in question, to painfully mourn the tragic loss of Harry Edward Styles, a beloved son, adored brother, worshipped friend, esteemed blacksmith, incredibly generous lover—” Are you serious?

Harry, cracking one eye open: Keep going.

Y/N: “— talented pianist, respected vocalist, excellent mixologist, undeniable fashion icon, flawless curl pattern representative, oral sex enthusiast, killer body extraordinaire (pun intended), praised dancer—” Harry, is this a joke? It goes on for half the page!

Niall, leaning over and whispering into Xander’s ear, scratching at the collar of the itchy suit Harry forced him to wear because he made a dress code for the funeral so that he’s the only one that stands out: Would it be disrespectful to fart right now?? He’s technically not really dead and the five cheese ziti I had for lunch isn’t sitting right with me...

Xander: I’m begging you to do it

Harry, hissing from the coffin: Will you two shut up?! I’ve been waiting for this since 1837 and if it doesn’t go as planned, I’ll stake both of you in your sleep.

Mitch: Isn’t this a bit much?

Adam: Yeah...Like, I get the dress code and renting out the chapel for the sake of petty religious irony, but did you really have to buy the truck-full off gardenia bouquets?

Harry: Be quiet or I swear I’ll haunt your nightmares.

Xander, deadpan: You already do.

[lord-of-the-weird]

CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT GREEN DAY AND WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THEM !!!!!! i will sit here like this listening to you <33333

ok ok ok so…………

i’ll start with billie!!!!!

singer/lead guitarist

first of all i love him! and a big big part of the reason is he still plays his first guitar his mother gave him when he was 10! (he’s played it in almost every concert)

he stops concerts if he sees someone having a panic attack or if they’re being harassed (he’s started a fight with someone wouldn’t stop bothering a girl in the crowd!)

he’s the dancing queen!!!!

he’ll borrow pride and bi flags from people in the crowd and makes sure to get it back to them <3

he wrote wake me up when september ends about his dad dying when he was 10. people are mean to him every year trying to “wake” him up😡

he’s short <3

mike dirnt

bassist!!!!!

he loves to make faces and do impressions in interviews!!!!

makes jokes in the background while billie talks to the crowd

he and billie have known each other since they were 10🥺

when billie get his guitar he and mike taught themselves ozzy, def leppard and van halen songs

who the fucks tré cool?

drumerrrrr

cause who’d believe a guy named frank edwin wright III played in a punk band?

resident dumbass and love bug

90% of what he says is a joke

just like all jokes sex/fart/drug/walmart sucks doesn’t matter if there’s a joke to be made he’s your guy

loves to kiss billie in the middle of a concert

even shorter than billie but no one mentions it

green day as a whole!!!!!!

they’re all bi <3

they kiss each other a lot

they bring fans on stage to play with them and usually let them keep the guitar!

side projects

soooo many sode projects

like seriously they are busy

three albums in four months ¡uno! with billie face on the cover, ¡dos! with mikes face on the cover and ¡tré! with you guessed it tré’s face on the cover we love a good pun on this blog 

had an openly gay band open for them in the 90s which was huge! they got so many letters from concert goes saying pansy division saved their lives! and plenty saying green day did too!

their 2004 concept album american idiot got turned into a musical!!!!! i high recommend watching it on youtube 

last and certainly not least i love them! 

[thesecularteacher]

World’s Oldest Jokes

1.The World’s oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

This one from Sumeria in 1200 BC, is brainteaser. “Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load.

“The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen.

“So they all went.

“In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load.

“Problem: Who owns the calf?”

2. The world’s second oldest joke was found in the Ancient Egyptian story book known as the Westcar Papyrus. It goes:

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

“You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.” There is another -A sex joke, Ancient Egypt, 30 BC. “Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey. His purse is what restrains him.”

3. Greek literature is rich with puns and riddles such as: A pun on a name, Ancient Greece, 800 BC. In Homer’s “The Odyssey” — written 2,800 years ago — Odysseus indulges in some dark humor.

“Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is “nobody”.”

“When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!”

“No one comes to help.”

In “Oedipus Tyrannus,” by Greek playwright Sophocles, a character gives the following line, which is less of a joke and more of a brainteaser.

“Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening?

“Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age.”

As well as, “Philogelos” (or “Laughter-Lover”), written by Greeks Hierocles and Philagrius in the 4th century.

“Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence”.”

4. “Your mamma” joke, Ancient Rome, between 63 BC to 14 AD.

“The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.

“Intrigued he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’

“‘No your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.’”

5. The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons — “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key.”

[alatismeni-theitsa]

anti LO anon opinions

(1) Hot take: Anyone can make a comic where the characters are different colors and have a lineless style. I feel like because of how popular it got, if you even try to do something with monocolor schemes, LO fans will think you're copying.It's a lot easier to make characters one color and a completely valid way of making art/comics. No one owns a lineless art or monocolors tho.I'd love to see comics that use colors like LO does but in a way that makes more sense.

(2) R.. Rachel knows Demeters a fertility goddess- right??? She knows that there's like a billion fertility goddesses in greek mythology right?!

(3) LO Ouranos' design is just confirming once again Smythe can only think of these gods in a Abrahamic fashion instead of their actual ancient context and society. That's why the Maidens are seen as regressive prudes, why there's such an emphasis on "purity", why men hold more power/status, why Minthe, who is the evil lustful woman compared to the good virginal Persephone, is designed literally like a devil/succubus, why sex outside of marriage/several partners is seen as bad, the list goes on.

(4) So why does Ouranos have 6 eyes in the recent chapter? Does it signify he will have 6 sons (plus 6 daughters, but unlikely the daughters are included) who will eventually overthrow him?

I noticed that both Gaia and Persephone both have hair that sometimes look like leaves, so I guess both Hades and Ouranos have a thing for women who will never "Leaf" them (I'm a language major, sorry for my weird puns)

PS, a friend of mine joked that "if Ouranos has 6 eyeballs, does this mean he also have 6 male reproductive organs? 😏" (And also Aphrodite was born from the Sea foam of Ouranos bits and pieces so...)

(5) Read the latest LO chapter, and they sure did my favorite goddess Demeter dirty by making her an overdramatic laughing stock and a quacky (whacky) mother to boot.

I think it's very disrespectful to turn a mythological wonderful loving mother who has a very healthy mother-daughter relationship with her children (Persephone) and a very dedicated and responsible Godess who is in charge of the four seasons be reduced to a laughingstock and a boss whose employees throw a party/sleaze around when she's not at work.

(6) Obviously Demeter and co. are being drawn this way in preparation for everyone to deal with Henson Co. adapting it. they only deal with childish designs like that (barring the gross puppets they like to do too. prepare LO to be full of fart and barf jokes) and it'll be much easier for them to design if the comic does the same (this is sarcasm btw. It's more likely RS has just gotten lazy and know they could spit on paper and the fandom will eat it up. why put effort into your work, right?)

(7) The only unique design LO ever does is random splotches of color, white lines for scars, pointy ears, and extra eyes, and that's at the absolute most. You could say Punderworld also suffers some same faces (especially the women) but you can also tell who is who by their outfits, props, and variations in features.

(8) This is a minor complaint but LO Hecate's design is so ugly 😭she looks like an edgy moodboard take on Edna Mode. She's supposed to be this badass witch yet looks just as boringly business as everyone else. Also wasn't she not involved with Hades until after Persephone is married? Wasn't she Persephone's companion first in myth? Why is she Hades' best friend instead and only interacted with Persephone for a study abroad semester?

(9) God, the pilot line in LO is so stupid. Are they telling us fertility goddesses are the only source of power to try and be like HAHA SEE PERSEPHONE DOESNT NEED HADES! HE NEEDS HER! Because 1) that means it’s setting up HADES to take over olympus/overthrow Zeus which is so!!! Ugh!!! Why are you messing with literal religion now?! Hades is a shit king in the underworld but she seems to want him as the head one too?! But also 2) shouldnt DEMETER be the most powerful and desired godess then? Seeing as she’s literally the fertility godess?? Why did Smythe literally skip over her to make Persephone more special?

Metis was included despite no fertility traits but the literal goddess who controls nature and the earth ISNT? How does that work?! Demeter literally made Persephone all by herself in comic but shes not in this special lineup? Not to mention it once again is making the women props for men and their games! Cant we just read a stupid romance without it being a shallow political game too?

Persephone is being used as a literal political chip and whoever “gets” her is now, essentially, holding the nuclear codes and can overthrow whoever they want.  we know it’ll be Hades, so he’s not only getting a super fertile wife to give him babies, he’s also getting a wife who never questions him, who does whatever he wants, and is now his tool to literally rule everything if he wants, which who knows, he might do so poor Hera is free of her loveless marriage because he’s just SO caring like that. Also, Apollo never wanted to overthrow Zeus?! Athena, Hera, and Poseidon did! 

Does she know this is a romance comic and the jumping between stupid romance and earth-ending drama does not mesh well? God I’m mad. This is so stupid. The damn Disney movie showed more respect than this. 

[miafic]

I was just thinking and I came up with a question (even tho you're doing an ask game rn if you wanna save it till later that's cool) but what are everyone's favorite tv shows? I know zakk and Lucas like game of thrones, and awsten likes gravity falls.

no, i can do it now! questions are welcome at any time; you know that <3 

i’ve done these tv ones before but i can never find them so if there are inconsistencies in my answers im sorry lol 

ashton (starting with ash!! i just know the answer to his best lol) loooooves reality cooking shows. hell’s kitchen, the great british bake-off, chopped, worst cooks in america, baking championship, kitchen nightmares, etc etc etc. he also really likes documentaries, particularly if they’re about conspiracies. 

awsten likes cartoons, yeah! he’s not into the raunchy ones - he only goes about as far into the “adult” cartoon world as bob’s burgers and otherwise sticks to kid stuff. he doesn’t realize this, but it’s comforting to him. a lot of the humor is also on par with his humor lol. cheesy stuff, stupid stuff, puns, the occasional fart joke, etc. 

geoff watches documentaries but about real people and historical events. he also watches the news sometimes, but he’d rather read it in the paper. 

jawn grew up watching a lot of soap operas with his mom so he’s sick of those but he’ll turn them on every once in a while. normally, he likes “gritty” shows like they’d run on hbo or showtime where they swear a lot and shoot each other in the face and have a lot of nudity and cheating and sex scenes. the first show popping into my head for him right now is called mr. mercedes. i’ve only seen the first season but i think he’d like it. it’s intense and violent and weird, and there’s a mystery element, too. 

lucas and zakk definitely love game of thrones, yes! zakk likes shows like parks and rec and schitt’s creek, too. lucas is watching got or sports and that’s it. 

travis likes kids shows, and that’s all he watches. it’s good, because it catches him up on a lot of what he missed learning about. sesame street is a good one for him. and also for benny! t loves winnie the pooh the most, though. they don’t get a lot of tv time, but they don’t mind. they’d rather be playing. 

[jksangelic]

in the dark (m)

☾ Rating: M

☾ Genre: pwp, smut, slight crack, very minimal scary times.

☾ Pairing: jikook x female reader (kinda, read the warnings).

☾ Warnings: explicit sexual content, threesome, light male x male action (kissing, their peepees touch but only because of), double vaginal penetration,  oral (female receiving), casual sex, unprotected sex, they fuck in jungkook’s truck, maybe a slight noona kink? sorry.

☾ Summary: “I can’t get a signal on my phone, the car is dead, and I’m fairly certain we are out of matches.”

Jungkook and Jimin have a very short attention span, and when you three are lost in the middle of nowhere with a truck that won’t drive, they busy themselves with you.

☾ Word Count: 6.1k

☾ Note: Here’s another exciting project done for Halloween Smut Fest, hosted by the wonderful admins of @/btssmutclub! I hope you love this little Halloween treat as much as I loved writing it, and if you want more deliciously spooky smut, please check out the club and all it’s wonderful writers!

Another note: I was supposed to post this on Halloween but ya girl was shleep! Anyway, this story was really fun to write considering it’s my first attempt at writing threesome smut! I really hope you all enjoy, and feel free to send me an ask if you liked it personally! (wink)

Another ‘NOTHER note: the “Read More” function is in here so don’t flame me.

You really felt the part, itching yourself in this god-awful over-sized knit sweater that screamed “cactus that died twice over!”. The faux flora that was hot glued on one boob threatened to fall off and if you knew your costume would be this much of a mess, you would’ve just gone for your signature devil that reappeared in the corner of your closet every Halloween. Fuck originality.

“How the hell do you get lost in the same town you’ve lived in for years, Jungkook?” you simmer, itching your bare legs with vigor. For the love of all things pure, this sweater is shedding.

Jungkook grips his steering wheel hard enough that you see his veins threatening to burst, “Well, shit, man. I’m not the one who wanted to take a pit stop at a boba dive that I’ve never been to before. I live in the boonies; no one around here should even know what ‘boba’ is.”

“You didn’t even like it,” he continues, “I told you that we should’ve just head straight to the store and then to Jin-hyung’s house.” You pout, it wasn’t your fault the tapioca was soggy.

“My phone doesn’t have any service,” Jimin pitches in, leaning atop the center console from the backseat with a voice of annoyance. Groaning, you coax your phone to turn on once more. All you get is a tantalizing depleted battery.

“And you left your phone at home? What kind of millennial are you?” you bag on Jungkook, completely horrified by the fact that he nervously rakes his eyes on every passing sign, turning hesitantly only to pull a U-turn, biting his bottom lip and picking at the fuzz on his cheek with his free hand. There was no sugarcoating it. He was lost beyond all comprehension of the word.

“Y/N, literally shut up. If you weren’t stuck to your phone 24/7, you’d have enough battery right now to get us back into town.”

“You’re such an ass, Kook. You’re lucky we even went with you in the first place to get the snacks you vouched to buy and forgot until thirty minutes into the party.”

“Both of you! Stop eating each other’s asses and shut up! I can’t hear my own farts back here,” Jimin growls, turning to Jungkook, “just keep driving, we’re bound to get back on a main road at some point. If you keep turning randomly, we’ll just keep getting fucked.” He was right. The more Kook authorized a new direction, the more the landscape changed and morphed into nothing recognizable.

“Yeah, no shit,” Jungkook spits with an added eye roll, “but there aren’t even signs anymore. I haven’t seen a house in the last five minutes. This is so weird,” he trails off in thought. Fog eventually clouded around the truck, getting denser until you all eased into soft white. Jungkook drove cautiously slow in fear of hitting deer;  you were deep enough in the woods to do so.

It was beautiful in a creepy, Halloweenish way. It was the perfect night for the cold to bite and the moon to smile down menacingly, if only you were in the right place for it.

You sigh, “I wanna be at the party.”

Jimin scoffs, “Don’t we all. What are you even supposed to be?”

Pulling your itchy-ass sweater over your knees, you click your tongue, “I’m obviously a cactus. Can’t you see my thorns?” you pick at the random frayed knots woven into the cloth, pulling them to a point to exaggerate their spikes.

“Why couldn’t you do something sexy? No one wants to get laid with a cactus,” Jimin criticizes. You shrug. Not everyone understands the importance of ingenuity.

“No one wants to get laid by a mummy that only got their neck embalmed,” you retort, eyeing his all-white outfit with, not even joking, three rolls of toilet paper resting atop his shoulders. He didn’t even bother to get the good kind of teepee, 1-ply threatening to be blown away by Jungkook’s measly heater. “Even Kookie’s costume is better, and he painted the bones himself, for heaven’s sake.”

You both study said costume, a plain black long sleeve (way too small but damn it really hugged him in the right spots) messily painted with an anatomically incorrect skeleton on the front and alongside his sleeves. Jungkook snickers, “Look, I even drew a boner,” pointing to where the material is tucked into his skinny jeans and, yes, noticing a random bone sticking out of his pants.

“Penises don’t even—I don’t know. I can’t argue when its an eight out of ten Halloween pun,” you surrender.

The chatter dies down as Jungkook drives around aimlessly, your continuous glances at the clock failing to slow it down so you can get to the store and to Jin’s house before Hoseok drank everything out of the liquor cabinet. You didn’t know how to read a map, not that it mattered since Jungkook would never have one in his glovebox, but damn it all, you really were stuck and were potentially risking crossing the border to another country for all you knew. It would be a lovely, nostalgic feeling to be yelling at each other over a paper map instead, though, aesthetically pleasing and all that good stuff.

Jungkook’s face scrunches, leaning back to peer at his dashboard then leaning back in. He runs his hand through his hair and repeats the set of actions, looking at it closer like he was trying to read another language. It’s on his third round that you stare at him blankly, expecting him to explain why he’s fidgeting like a toddler on two packs of jolly ranchers and a monster.

“Fuck, oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmy—,” he panics, laughing as if he’s gone mad.

“Jungkook? What’s wrong with you?” Jimin asks.

The truck sputters and heaves on its wheels, easing itself off the side of the pavement and into the rocky soil. Nearly breaks the gearshift when he shoves it into park and shuts off the engine with an exasperated bleat.

“I—I didn’t think… My dashboard doesn’t calculate how many miles I have left like newer cars and I knew I needed to stop by the gas station but I was going to fill it up when we went to the store so I thought we’d be fine but I forgot when we got lost and—”

“Wait, shut up for a second. Just get to the point,” you rub at your temples, wanting him to strictly verbalize what you already know is happening.

“We’re out of gas. And I just used the rest of what’s in my extra gas can. We’re stuck.”

It takes a few empty stares between you and the boys for your denial to kick in, “That’s funny. You’re funny, Jungkook. It would be so completely idiotic of you to forget to get gas and just now remembering when we’re stuck on some empty country road with no working cellphones and nowhere for us to get help nearby. So tell me you’re joking.”

Jungkook stares straight through the windshield, simultaneously worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. You swear you can hear his heart beating in his ribcage. Turning on the ceiling light, you flash him a bright smile before lunging for his neck. Jimin catches you before you strangle the rest of his IQ out of him and coos you into sedation, “Hey, okay, bringing a dead body into the situation is not optimal!”

“Look, it’s not my fault! I thought we were going straight to the store but you had to change our course,” Jungkook defends.

“Any sane human would just say, ‘Oh, hey, I have to stop by the gas station first because we’re running on empty,’ but no,” you draw out the “o” with squinted eyes and venom in your voice, “you always have to challenge the odds, don’t you? Now we’re stuck out here in the middle of fucking whoknowswhere!”

“You’re being so dramatic, Y/N.”

Your pitch is way above normal, “You’re a dumbass!”

“You’re a bitch!”

“Chill out! The both of you!” Jimin yells, hands still securing your arms to their sides in case you were to claw out anyone’s eyes. “The sooner we find help, the sooner we can get out of this predicament. Let’s try to find a nearby house and see if we can use their phone. There’s bound to be a living soul somewhere around here. I already texted Tae our location, but my phone has yet to deliver it. Sitting here and doing nothing isn’t an option. Let’s go.”

You exhale harshly through your nostrils, nodding your head obediently and signing a truce through eye contact with Kook. “Should one of us stay here just in case a car passes?” you offer.

“I’ll stay here. Sorry, but a single female in an inoperable car is a little sketchy. Can you two function properly or do you need to stay here and think about your actions, Kookie?” Jimin drawls. Jungkook scoffs on cue and is already halfway out the door when the question is asked.

“Why can’t I stay here with you? Jungkook can look by himself,” you whine.

“Someone is more likely to help a couple than some random dude who’s roaming the street by himself. Please, Y/N.”

He was right. Hopping out of the truck, you pull your sweater as far down it can go and bounce on your toes. Damn, it was brisk outside. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Kook says, dripping with sarcasm. The road ahead stretched so far that it disappeared over the horizon uninterrupted. A straight shot. The only source of light is barely graced by a last quarter moon and you decide in your own head that it’s time to forgive and forget, clinging to Jungkook’s arm for warmth and a sense of security.

“Scared?” he asks without a hint of mockery. You shrug. You weren’t sure yet.

Pacing yourselves between a jog and a walk, it seems like way too long of seeing absolutely nothing; the trees and the fog and the road blending together and becoming so unrecognizable that you worry your mind is playing tricks on you. Even worse, you shake vehemently from the cold, goosebumps eating you alive.

“F-F-Fuck, Jungkook. Should we try going the opposite w-way?” your teeth chatter, “We shouldn’t go too—” He covers your mouth with his palm, the rest of your words mumbled into his clammy hand and your body stopped in its tracks.

“What is it?” you try again, licking his skin in attempt to drive his grimy little paw off.

“Shut up!” he whisper-yells, eyes focused on something in the distance off the road. Following his line of sight, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to what he sees: two warmly glowing orbs far off in the distance. The pace of your heart quickens at the sight, ecstatic to finally see something.

“Lights! It might be the entry to someone’s driveway! Jungkook, c’mon.” He wraps his arms around your body once more to keep it from surging farther down the street, impossibly warm against your back and this time you can feel his heartbeat through the layer of clothes. It beat fast and hard, telltale for the occasional emotion Jungkook hardly ever felt in all his years of living: fear.

“Those aren’t lights,” he breathes into your ear, eyes filled to the brim with dread and voice wavering. “It’s getting closer, what the hell.” Jungkook is right. You stare at them as the mysteriously yellow orbs inch, no, run to the both of you and it’s only then that you realize that they’re eyes.

“Run, fuck, don’t scream, runrunrun,” Kook squeaks as he death-grips your hand and sprints in front of you, your own legs catching up to him before you can fully process what’s going on. Terror suddenly rips through your limbs, propelling you forward like it’s all you knew what to do but even then, Jungkook struggles to keep you alongside him, breathless encouragements like “it’s okay” or “keep running” or “a little faster” keeping you from even thinking of stopping. He could run ahead of you, but here he was, desperately pulling you behind his body that was obviously much more fit for running than yours. Tears prick at your eyes.

You must have walked for miles since it takes another ten-or-so minutes before you see the silhouette of his truck that was, at that moment, the most beautiful hunk of metal you ever laid your eyes on. Porsche’s had nothing on Jungkook’s dinky old pickup.

Opening a rear door, Jungkook all but shoves you atop Jimin before jumping in himself, not bearing the thought of having to sit in the front seat alone. Jimin watches with a bewildered look as you two struggle to catch your breaths, peeking out the front windshield to see if the eyes were anywhere in sight. Thank the heavens, they weren’t.

You curl into Jimin’s chest and bite back sobs of anxiety. “What the hell was that?”

“Was what?” Jimin finally inquires, clutching you close despite lack of an explanation.

“There was something, a bear or a wolf or something. It started chasing us,” Kook informs, a questioning lilt in his answer because he didn’t really know. “God, those eyes. It looked tall, I don’t even know if it was an animal.”

“I’m not going back outside. Neither are you,” you deadpan, “not when that thing is out there.” The boys nod in agreement.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m sure Tae will get our message soon and he’ll come get us. We just need to stay here and be patient,” Jimin says comfortingly.

Jungkook tsks, “What if he doesn’t?” Jimin punches his arm and he yelps in pain.

“If worse comes to worse,” Jimin glares at the younger, “then we stay in the truck until it gets light enough to look for houses without worrying about being mauled by bears or wolves or deer or anything of the like. Each of us will take turns as lookout just in case anyone passes by. We’ll be fine, okay, Y/N?” He must notice your quaking so you shake your head in compliance.  After a few minutes of discussion, you properly seat yourself in the middle and bring your knees to your chin, foreboding residing and the bitter cold seeping back into your list of things that suck tonight.

The first thirty minutes pass as if it’s several hours, games of rock-paper-scissors and skeptical scopes out of the windows unbearably monotonous. Jimin’s sudden force of bladder earns a heated debate of whether or not you would allow him outside or not, eventually approving when Jungkook offers an empty beer can and you’d much rather not. At the time Jimin staggers out of the vehicle, you perceive that the temperature both within the truck and outside have reached equilibrium and try your best not to whimper at the fact.

“Why don’t you try to sleep, Y/N? We can stay up for now,” Jungkook offers after another twenty minutes of the knife game (but with a mechanical pencil), hands now shuffling over his biceps to stimulate heat.

“Can’t. Too cold,” your breath puffs between your lips.

“It’s because you’re not wearing pants, sweets,” Jimin starts, pulling his long sleeve by the collar and over his head before laying it over your thighs politely. When you open your mouth to claim that you don’t need it, you throw all of your manners away because damn his shirt is warm on your prickled legs. Besides, seeing Jimin’s protruding muscles from his immodest tank wasn’t the worst thing.

The younger scoffs, “God, hyung, you’re just trying to show off.” He tilts his head in a demeaning manner, an odd tension ricocheting between the men.

“What? No, you little shit. She said she was cold so I’m trying to keep her warm.” Jimin only receives a belittling tch.

Hubris truly was one of Jungkook’s worst faults, you and Jimin incredulous when his hands lift your waist so you plop down between his lap, one of his legs resorting where you sat before and holding you close to his chest. While you struggle to pry his arms off, he only looks towards his hyung and gives him an award-winning smirk, “I’ll keep her warmer.”

“J-Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, shuddering when he massages the meat of your thigh.

“I’m just trying to make you feel better,” he purrs, looming over your shoulder, “am I warm?” And even though every siren in your head blares, you melt into his heater-like body because, yes, he was warm. Who were you to deny such an offer? So you hum your answer.

Jungkook victoriously peeps at Jimin through his eyelashes, breath fanning against your shoulder, “See?”

Jimin raises an unimpressed brow, rolling his eyes before stretching out as far as he can with limited leg room and rests his arms behind his head with ease. You watch as every muscle beneath his tank moves and extends, pecs scandalously flexing in his newfound position.

You squint, “I don’t know what the hell you two are doing, but you better stop it.”

“What? You were so scared and cold, poor thing, I’m just trying to distract you,” his palms press against your hips, digging his crotch into your tailbone, “You shouldn’t be so irked, it’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

Images flash through your mind like kaleidoscope; a scorching hot kaleidoscope that left you writhing in his sheets in a wet, moaning mess. Suddenly appreciative of how dark it is as so the boys can’t see your flustered features, you sneer, “That was a long time ago, Kook.”

Jimin’s interest must be piqued, watching him slither over and pout in your face, “Ahh, you’ve fucked Jungkook too? You didn’t tell me.” He looks thoroughly disappointed. Jimin was one of your closest friends but it didn’t mean you were obligated to inform him of every sex endeavor you’ve ever experienced. Even more so when he was on that list, several times, it just made things awkward.

If the sirens were blaring earlier, your head was aflame by now, two horny men toying with you like predators to their prey. “What’s it to you mongrels? I can do what I want.”

“Who was better?” For some reason you can’t differentiate either of their voices when they’re both low, husky, full of hunger, but you just guess it’s Jungkook, the competitive bastard.

“I’m not fucking doing this with you two right now, do you know what situation we’re in? Please keep your dicks tucked.”

“I kinda see a great opportunity to rid our boredom and warm up the car a bit,” Jimin soothes, pressing cold, plump lips to your propped knee, fingers weaving in the hem of your sweater, “Don’t you agree, Kookie?”

He foregoes answering his counterpart, keen on squeezing the answer out of you (quite literally, as his hands grip the plush skin of your inner leg), “Answer me,” he growls into the crook of your neck.

“Fuck,” your breath hitches and fails to brave a front, “I don’t know. You were both good in different ways. Kn-knock it off, Jeon.”

“But it’s been so long, noona. Let us take care of you. C’mon, I need a yes.” By this time, Jimin starts suckling on the opposite collarbone, hands flat on your stomach but never daring to touch lower nor higher until you give them your unwavering permission. You purr like a kitten and do what he fails to do, gliding his hands until he reached soft, supple breast and kneading your fingers through his.

Startled by your ministrations, Jimin releases his wet lips from your neck and stares through your eyes with primal want; need, even. It made your bones melt.

“So, do you guys do this often? Share your meals?” you say into his lips, pulling on the bottom between your teeth and eliciting a grunt from the boy.

“We share a lot of things, doll,” he mumbles back, tongue sweet for a reason unknown, a sickeningly sweet poison enwrapping you in sheer desire. Jungkook grows impatient, hooking palms under your knees to spread them up and apart, no shame in getting to the point. Despite the lack of light, the new position steals Jimin’s attention as he stares at what you hide between your legs.

“Thought it’d make it easier for you to get to, hyung,” Kook offers wickedly.

“Are we really doing this right now? Just going to have a threesome in the back of your truck, Kookie?”

“Do you not want to?”

“No I do, it’s just fucking cramped back here.”

You’re not facing him but you practically feel the satirical eye roll, “Sorry, princess, should I lay out a blanket in the middle of the road? Would that accommodate more to your specifications?”

“Better watch your mouth, or you’ll be watching me and Jimin only.”

He humps into your back once, well near whining into your ear, “Okay, ‘m sorry.”

All the while, Jimin prodded at your clothed sex with a thumb, long strokes from above your clit to the edge of your perineum, drawing out patterns that made your stomach flex in anticipation. “Jimin, please.”

Jungkook pipes in, “Are you going to taste her? I can smell her from here. Smells good.” Jimin quite likes the idea, pushing your legs even higher to sniff you himself, nose buried deep in the fabric and breathing you in. Occasional nips send shivers in your loins, audible gasps urging him on for more, please, more. Rather, he takes to the moldable flesh of your inner thigh, mouthing at it so ferociously that the spots ache but it only sends you further. You did love foreplay, after all.

Jungkook’s rutting cock to your tailbone doesn’t go unnoticed, looking back at the devilishly angelic face, eyes sewn shut as his focus tapers in to the movements of his hips, looking for any sort of relief. Feeling a little victorious, your words drip with pride, “Rutting like some sort of dog, huh?” His eyes snap open at your exclamation, warning, but never opposing. At the same time Jungkook shuts you up with his tongue in your mouth, Jimin sticks his own in your eager pussy, both boys lapping into your heats with such vigor that you had no distinct feeling of either—it all blended into euphoric bliss.

Kook swallows your moans without a complaint, teeth and tongue colliding into something so completely unorganized that it was pornographic. The older moans while collecting every drop of arousal he can, pretty nose rubbing against your bud, thumbs spreading your lips beautifully and sinful tongue working wonders in and out of you.

“Feel good, babydoll?” Jungkook mutters in the midst of open-mouthed kisses, “Jimin’s real good with his mouth, ain’t he?” The opposite chuckles at the mention, watching you cry in joy as he sucks your clit between his teeth. “Hyung, what does she taste like? Prep her for me, will you?”

Jimin halts his attention to you, taking a moment to stretch his back in the confined space that seemed to sway with his movements, chin dribbling with so much you that for even the smallest of moments, even you were a little ashamed. He winks at you, “Why don’t you taste her yourself?”

The proposition makes your face scrunch; the thought of having to rearrange so Jungkook could eat you out seems excessive, denoting your trait of lazy loving above all. What you find instead, is Jimin’s handsome face nearing yours, only to avoid you completely and inch closer over the shoulder Jungkook relies on. Watching Jimin slide his overly-moist tongue into Jungkook’s willing lips leveled to living in a wet dream, you can’t help but moan as your two closest friends elicit lewd smacking sounds from one another, drool accumulating so incredibly that it leaks down onto your skin. Fuck.

Your obnoxious whining is what separates Jimin from his other half with a rather reluctant growl, calming your rowdy self with a kiss of your own, strings of their saliva still connected as he transitions from Kook to you.  His mouth sears, leaving you to believe that you’re quite literally melting into those god-gifting lips and you’ve never been more heated from a simple kiss in your entire being. Jungkook takes to his jeans, releasing his member from its restraints and giving himself a few sluggish tugs, knuckles scraping along your spine as he pumps.

“I don’t need to be prepped, just get on with it, Kookie.” Jimin quirks an impressed smirk.

“Oh? I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think that’s how you ask for me, Y/N, you know that.”

“Fuck, Jeon, please fuck me, I’m begging you. Jus’ need to be filled,” you admit, using wobbly arms to try to hoist yourself up. Jimin does the rest, lifting your hips to sit on Jungkook’s lap, and even more importantly, propping you onto his dick all at once, girth stretching you oh so wonderfully that you squirm in his hold. The latter groans at the slick intrusion, hips hastily rolling upwards without prompt, but you don’t complain.

“You really didn’t need to be prepped, huh? You fit so nicely around me. Why’s that, babydoll?” he snarls, hands upon hands gripping your ass and beneath your thighs, keeping you in a hovered position above Kook so he can ceaselessly pound into you from mid-shaft to hilt, over and over and over. You wail in their clutches, hysterical in the feeling and arching beyond your limits so he can hit that aching spot deep inside you.

“Answer him when he asks you a question,” Jimin cautions, leaning back down to suck purples into your hipbones with lazy eyes.

“I,” you heave at a particularly hard thrust but try again, “I just got fucked last night hah—Jungkook, upupup.” He abides with a coo, aiming for your bellybutton and incessantly jabbing the place where you craved him most, fire roaring inside your stomach. You’re so limp, deadweight in their grips that you wonder how they even keep you in place, all the more when Jimin resumes his attack on your clit with that skilled tongue, licking stripes from where Jungkook’s skin slid into yours all the way to where the material of your panties started. “Having so much fun without us, yeah? I’ll make you feel even better,” Jungkook says, snapping you back into the moment.

Your vision starts to blend, inexistent stars appearing into an otherwise blind view as your limbs warn to give out even more than they currently are. “Fuck, please! I’m going to—ugh!” Jimin spits on Jungkook’s dick before pressing the rough flat of his wet muscle to your throbbing bud once more, assisting the younger’s glide and simultaneously working to wring out your orgasm.

And does it come, bones solid and muscles taut as you constrict around Jungkook like a boa, crying out in pained ecstasy as your pussy squeezes to essentially push out its intruder. Kook himself hisses, unable to move in your vice-like grip until you eventually free yourself of your high, Jimin kindly cleaning you with utmost care from below. Wholesomely exhausted, you rest your tired head on Jungkook’s shoulder, kissing his jaw appreciatingly, “Did you cum, Kookie?” Obviously not, you think, his cock still hard as ever and still sheathed inside you.

“No, princess. It’s okay, I don’t need to if you’re too spent.” He gives you a reassuring smile, bunny teeth so endearing, so profound alongside his normally prick-ish personality. Of course, he wouldn’t be your friend if you really thought of him as a nuisance.

“Mm-mm, go ahead boys. I’ll be perfectly fine.”

They look at each other briefly, telepathically debating on their next move. “Can we try something?” Jimin inquires sweetly. You nod willingly, always a little bit of a sucker for Park Jimin. “Good girl, if it’s too much, your safe word’s ‘red’, ‘kay? Use it if you need to, I mean it.” Jimin (and his very un-vanilla like kinks) of all people never pushed your safe word so far, your curiosity really getting the best of you as he sits up with an already warmed-up dick. He must’ve took it out long before, the thought of him jacking off to you igniting what used to be a dull flame in your belly.

It’s when he drags his head at your clit that the puzzle pieces click, his own precum dripping down your abused lips and Kook’s shaft. The other nibbles on your ear, whispering calming affirmations as Jimin desperately looks for an opening.

“Fuck, it’s so dark in here,” he barks, jarring in contrast to the saccharine notes Jungkook practically sing-songs in your neck. “Do you think you can take it, Y/N?”

The question isn’t challenging whatsoever, but it makes you determined to please. Even without his confirmation, there’s nothing more you want at this moment, so you reach  out for him, pressing his soft, velvety head in the space right above Jungkook’s, inching ever so slowly closer and closer to his hilt. By the skin of your teeth is the pain almost unbearable, an embarrassing guttural cry wrenching out of your throat as Jimin’s hips kiss yours. “Fuck, ugh, hell, please just stay for a second,” you dig your canines into your lip, forehead resting on a worried Jimin’s.

“Should’ve let him prep you, princess,” Jungkook husks, not so skilled at hiding his own displeasure. If the discomfort didn’t freeze you in place, you would’ve dug an elbow into his ribs for revenge.

“Shut it,” your voice cracks, “No offense, Jimin, baby, but your fingers wouldn’t have done anything to help this situation.” Park scowls but takes it otherwise lightly. His fingers were, also, not a true indicator to his size; although smaller than Jungkook, Jimin sported a curve that resembled the best dildo money can buy. Even now as it settles into your most delicate nook, he essentially eases the pain, replacing the feeling with steady eagerness for someone to move.

“Please,” is all you muster, taking Jimin’s thick bottom lip between your teeth playfully and releasing it with a high-pitched moan as he tests a thrust, Jungkook biting into your shoulder with the increasing speed.

To describe it to the best of your ability, it was simply the pure definition of being full. It was the thought of two deliciously large cocks moving in tandem, scraping your insides as the boys chased their highs like wild dogs that got you off more than anything. It was the filthy squelches, the grunts and groans, the hands roaming over your body and the growing sways of Jungkook’s truck as Jimin rolls into you that makes you cry in unadulterated rapture.

“Ha-aah, hyung, my legs are falling asleep. Let me do it,” Jungkook pants, hand already reaching out to push Jimin’s abs, clearly not asking for permission.

Park carefully readjusts, his back laying on the seat, your head against his shoulder and Jungkook kneeling behind, cunt still stuffed with them both. “Please, please move, ugh—” you beg.

“Gonna finish this off, okay? Use the word if it gets to be too much,” he warns warmly, polar opposite of his future actions, but you nod in agreement.

He slides out almost all the way, wiggling his hips a bit before plunging back inside with all the force he can gather. You wail and subconsciously straighten your arms beside Jimin, unable to quietly lay down as Jungkook fucks you into oblivion. The position is worth it, seeing Jimin’s lidded eyes and mouth forming a pretty “o” and you can’t help but wonder what it feels for him, frenulum’s catching each other with each aching shove and shafts fighting for space within.

“D-Don’t look at me like that, Y/N,” he grumbles, rutting ever so slightly.

“Like what, baby?” you drawl, “Hey, how does it feel? Fucking one of your best friends with another one of your best friends? Don’t tell me you’re going to cum from something like that…”

He knew exactly what you were doing, taking no bullshit as he lifts a hand to your hair and yanks on it, “Watch it, babydoll. You’re not one to talk when you’ve already cum once. Not too long before you do again, right?” He laughs in your face, entirely dehumanizing.

You have no choice but to nod (a little stiffly, as his hand still tugs on your strands), “Y-Yes, Jimin.” He clicks his tongue.

“Won’t call me ‘daddy’ in front of Jungkook, huh? Shame.”

“I’d get confused of who she’s referring to,” Kook chimes in, revealing a shit-eating grin with a particularly hard thrust that makes you shed tears. You hang your head, unable to contain your moans as a familiar burn churns.

“Good girl, such a good girl,” Jungkook murmurs, palming the flesh of your ass and gaining even more momentum, “Noona takes our dicks so well, just made for us, aren’t you?” You sigh your validation.

Jimin picks up his own pace, out when Jungkook’s in, in when Jungkook’s out, pants turning into continuous groans, “Babe, I gotta cum. Where?” Your lips latch onto his in a crazed manner.

“Inside,” you speak in kisses, “inside, please, both of you.”

Jimin is the first to cum, seed only making Jungkook’s thrusts easier. Kook presses his chest to your back, unreservedly ramming into you with all he is that you collapse into Jimin’s shoulder once more. He follows shortly after, his own mix of white intermingling with his hyung’s, remaining there until he’s sure everyone’s breathing has calmed.

“Careful,” you wince, grabbing Jungkook’s arm warningly as he pulls himself out of your abused cunt. Jimin’s soft member remains with your request, already discontent with the emptiness after Kook’s depart.

“Ew, you’re drooling on me,” Jimin complains, and he’s right, your face sticky and wet when you lift your cheek.

“Shit, the cum’s leaking all over my seats, literally get up,” Jeon whines.

“Ugh I fucking hate you both.”

You’re the only one to get up, maneuvering around and arguing with the younger boy as he desperately tries to clean his seats, which were beyond repair in the first place. The windows are fogged up to the point of condensation, droplets threatening to grow too big and fall.

You brows cinch together in utter confusion, staring at the groups of water that start to tint an odd, orange hue. It disappears as quick as you realize it, though, and you figure the after-effects of the threesome was starting to make you hallucinate.

“Do you guys really think my fingers are that short? I think they’re fine,” Jimin pouts.

Jungkook snickers, “Yeah, those fingers don’t reach sh—"

BAM!

The three of you flinch and fly to Jimin’s side, watching with horror as, what looked like, a giant paw disappearing from the window’s view. Your mind sputters to the image of the thing in the woods and your sweat seems to freeze over, hair standing on end and fear coursing through your veins.

“Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck,” the boys ramble over themselves, clutching you close to their bodies.

In the reflection of the fogged glass, you see the orange tint you saw seconds ago, hesitantly turning your head behind you and making eye contact with the glowing orbs mere inches away. You shriek at the top of your lungs, the other two yelling because you are, then full-fledge screech when they see them too.

“Oh my fucking god, shut up! You’re no fun to scare. Unlock the door,” a muffled voice growls from outside.

“Taehyung?” you all accuse.

Jungkook all but shoves the door open, revealing a Taehyung with werewolf mask now propped atop his skull, smiling from ear-to-ear that he got you three so good.

“Hey y’all, sorry it took me so long to get here. I got Jimin’s message and—what the hell, Jimin, put your dick away—oh sweet mother of pearl it smells fucking carnal in there. Please don’t tell me you had a threesome when you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere.”

You don’t even attempt to shuffle your clothes fully back on like the other two, who were, blushing like elementary schoolgirls. “We got bored, and it was cold,” is all you say.

“Well, don’t you move on fast, Y/N. Was I not enough to satisfy last night, pretty thing?” he juts out his bottom lip, feigning hurt. On the contrary, you think.

Park and Jeon stare at you in disbelief, piecing together what Taehyung is saying. “What?” you snarl, “I told you guys.”

Taehyung paces a bit, palming himself through his jeans before shoving Jimin’s shoulder and crowding himself into Jungkook’s already-cramped backseat, “Fuck, I got a hard-on now. Can you guys handle one more round?”

omg I hope you guys liked, my BUSSY hurt writing it (~:

[mercuryj15]

Touchy Subject - No Pun Intended

I'm bored so why not? So I've noticed randomly some comments in regards to the characters and sexual situations. Not what would commonly be considered porn, but literally anything that isn't G-rated cute, including jokes with no images. These things are described as gross, disgusting, disturbing, and the people who produce the work are similarly described. So I have to ask...

Why do some folks think fictional young adults in healthy romantic relationships behaving normally is disgusting? Or that people who respectfully acknowledge the sexual aspect of the characters and translate that into fanfic versions of romance novels or fan art are "disgusting?" Respectful and consensual being key here, while saying nudity (partial or full) and sexual situations can be respectful.

I understand that not everyone is comfortable with mature content and "mature" has myriad definitions. I just wonder about people getting so upset over it. It's fictional, sex is a normal part of life, and this idea that only maladjusted males in their mama's basement create or consume content involving the sexual aspect of the characters is false. I also worry a bit about some folks who are so vehemently against it because of the way they describe healthy, consensual behavior and how awful some are to those who aren't offended by it.

Now, age does seem to be a hang-up for some, and I get that to a degree. To me, Oscar is a huge no right now because he's 14. But I also have to say 18 isn't a magic number and 16 yr olds make sex jokes as much as they make fart noises with their armpits. It's gross in a funny haha way, not a you're going to hell way. And 19 isn't a child.

So, really, just a bored thought drop...

[wasiandonuts]

The Good Place Season 3 Finale: after-thoughts

*SPOILERS! duh..also it is very long, read at your own discretion*

So, that was a rollercoaster ride of a season. It started with Eleanor finding Chidi, for like the 803rd time, and it ended with Eleanor having to say goodbye to Chidi. After years of getting the soul squad back together, they are all having to face the torments of The Bad Place once again. Can’t they get a break?

Before getting in to Chidi and Eleanor’s storyline, I want to start with Michael, Janet, Tahani, and Jason. 

For Michael, he is just the sweetest demon in the entire universe. In the first season, he was not only an evil liar but also hated humans and did not want to do anything else in his immortal life other than to punish the four humans. Now, he literally is doing everything to save the four from eternal damnation while trying to fix the inevitably corrupt modern society we live in today. To me, he truly had the greatest glo-up. I am very hopeful to see Michael return to his Architect position and perhaps solve mankind’s greatest issues. In this episode, it was very insightful to see how he referred to himself as middle management because he technically is. The stress of the pressure of running this universe-changing experiment is insane and the humanity in Michael really showed during the finale.

Janet, too, had a great character arc within this season and throughout the show. She/It (remember she is not a girl!) was merely a physical version of Alexa and now, Janet is almost like the humans with feelings and the incredible ability to throw shade. I do feel bad about the situation with Jason. To be honest, I never really gave much importance to it until the finale. Going in to season 4, I see what the writers did there. They set up this supposedly insane love story between a Floridian DJ and a “Busty Alexa” (Eleanor’s words, not mine) who fell in love hundreds of years ago in literal hell. Now, Janet is going to play a much larger part in the new neighborhood but importantly, she/it is now a human-like member of the Soul Squad and will probably be Eleanor’s source of strength in the upcoming season(s). Woo go Janet!!

Tahani al-Jamil has been through a lot. Just this finale episode alone she was the first to be targeted by the Bad Place and their schemes. It was almost deja vu when she was planning to plant the ‘Marc Fake-obs’ joke on John, but then again, the Good Place reminds us of the evolution each of the characters went on. Though she is a supporting character, I would really like to see her play a bigger part with keeping the integrity of the soul squad together during the upcoming seasons and perhaps find love herself.

I felt kinda sad that Jason Mendoza wasn’t in this episode that much, but his character providing some much-needed comedy relief in all of the heaviness in the finale. I do wonder though why he is back in the monk outfit, maybe to keep him quiet for safety purposes. There must be a secret Schur reason why he is in different garb for this iteration of the Fake Good Place. Like with Janet, I think they are pretty cute together and I need at least some happiness. Also, he is also one of the remaining few to not have an ex or a gossip blogger in the new Good Place yet. It will be interesting to find out. I think it will either be his dad or an ex-dance crew member or even Pillboi.

Okay. Here we go. I just rewatched the episode a few times to not only feel the feels but also to catch any details that the podcast mentioned and I might have forgotten. Without knowing it, the entirety of the show’s plot relies heavily on the unlikely relationship between Chidi Anagonye and Eleanor Shellstrop. Looking back at this season, there were little hints that the writers planted that makes this ever the more heartbreaking.

In 3x08 (Worse Possible Use of Free Will), the entire episode is basically a flashback through cheleanor’s development in Reboot 112, a previously mentioned version in season 2. I was really excited to be fed that day and the subsequent episodes but I just rewatched it again and I noticed that the same type of situation happened again. (yes I know, reboots happen every second in this show) At the end, Eleanor promises Chidi that they will find each other again and that they are true soulmates. Even in the very first episode of season 3, Eleanor comes to Australia to ask Chidi for help to be a better person and the end of season 3, it once again is Eleanor in a doorway meeting Chidi. 

A lot of this season had to do with faith and memories. the Janet(s) episode reminded Eleanor, in this case, who she was because she did not remember and Chidi, like the amazing man he is, snapped her back to reality with a kiss and all was well (for a few eps). The sad part is that this time, when Chidi won’t remember Eleanor or any of the gang, Eleanor can’t just kiss him back to reality because he doesn’t even know how much she means to him. 

I cry a lot at very emotional things, but this episode was a kicker. It touched a lot of people since 1) the writers are very good and also very cruel, 2) the past few episodes saw a happy cheleanor, and 3) it was all very real in a way. We all have dealt with loss and love. Seeing one person love another and miss another but the partner doesn’t remember is so devastating. In all of the reboots, every one of them forgot everything. The sad thing is only one of them can’t remember the rest and that one is the moral glue that held all of the squad together. And looping back to a previous episode when Eleanor is crying and talking about how she is both happy and sad, she mentions something about love isn’t a sure thing and now, that love that she has been so afraid to give for the longest time was ripped away from her and now she has to watch and take care of the man she loves from a distance.

Going in to season 4, we are steering less towards philosophy and hard factual morals but rather towards the pathos side of things. What it means to be a human in the face of adversity and tragedy is the theme for upcoming seasons. I do hope the slow burn of Chidi finding Eleanor again is not so slow because they truly deserve to be happy in the little dot on top of the ‘i’. I also wish for less reboots now and tears because I never expected a comedy show that makes fart and sex jokes and puns all the time to make me sob over fictional characters but here I am and I don’t regret it.

Gah this whole episode was all too much. The memory video was touching and also very soft. The line that made me bawl was when Chidi said “I am gonna miss you” and his voice cracks, then Eleanor responds “but you won’t” and then “Bye, Chidi”. I felt that. To end, I just want to say thank you to Michael Schur, Megan Amram, and Jen Statsky for this episode and the entire crew for this crazy, funny, smart, and now very sad show that never fails to make my day. Also lots of hugs to Jameela, Manny, D’Arcy, Ted, and most especially Kristen and Will for gracing our screens. By the way, KB and WJH are two of the best actors I know and I love them as Chidi and Eleanor. Ok good night everyone and thanks for reading my braindump about my feelings. 

Everything is fine.

[glowyjellyfish]

October Halloween Movie Fest Day 22:

Tonight I finished my little Sleepy Hollow mini-run with Tim Burton’s version, which has been a favorite of mine. Every time I watch it, I think I’m gonna get critical and nitpicky, and every time it’s just too damn enjoyable for me to care about the slight mess of a plot. It’s not a good adaptation so much as it’s a Goth Paranormal Murder Mystery AU, but it does an excellent job at what it is. The Tim Burton Style is used sparingly, and the muted color palette really works for it; it would clearly be more comfortable if it was set in the Victorian era but it still has some fantastic costumes and scenery; Christina Ricci is not a Period Actress but she does a great job anyway; and Johnny Depp has not yet gone off the deep end trying to be memorably weird in every role and does an excellent job at this skeptical anxious/terrified dork version of Ichabod. Oh, and Christopher Walken. Just Christopher Walken. The Disney version is the quality one, and if there’s a closer adaptation than Disney’s I haven’t bothered to find out, but this movie has tons of fun taking the story in a different direction.

Treehouse of Horror 22 (The Butterball and the Diving Bell/Dial D for Diddly/In the Na’vi):

Well, this one’s a load of meh. The intro was fairly good, if a little long, but the best segment was Diddly and that’s not saying a lot. The first one—okay, playing Grounded has made me very slightly a spider connoisseur, and why would your punny title reference diving bell spiders when you clearly designed a black widow. And it started off okay, not great, a little juvenile with the farting, but then I guess they ran out of plot and just went insane, and it wasn’t funny, either. The second segment had a great credits sequence, and some good Ned monologuing, but not much else, and the title making the same reference they made two seasons ago feels sort of insulting or at least lazy. And the third segment had some good parody set-up… but unfortunately was clearly a parody made by people still pretty dazzled by a fairly bland movie, and even worse, they packed it with alien sex jokes without like… aging up Bart or pretending he’s a mini-adult or something. That was just uncomfortable. It does get a point for an excellent pun title, credit where credit is due. The list is now 1, 5, 4, 7, 6, 3, 2, 20, 9, 8, 17, 16, 15, 19, 13, 21, 12, 14, 10, 18, 22, 11.

…I am considering illustrating or rating each later episode with a gif I can make from earlier years. For example:

(it’s not a great gif, but it’s definitely what I want to say to the writers for this episode)

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

14, 39 and 41?

14. What makes you laugh no matter what?

Really good intelligent comedy. The Sam & Max franchise, Animaniacs, and Mel Brooks movies are some of my top go-to’s. As far as the “no matter what” part, I’m interpreting that as even if I’m depressed, and they always make me feel better. It’s clever comedy that plays with puns - linguistic and visual, references  and parodies everything from movies and tv shows to politics to relationships and sex to all facets of pop culture stretching back decades and decades. And even though it’s intelligent comedy, it doesn’t get too intellectual, it’s just clever - and these writers can still have fun with a good anvil to the head or fart joke. I love them.

39. Three names you go by…

Drew

Nobody ever calls me anything else. Nobody has called me “running man” or “old man” or “freshmen” in ages. I’m just Drew. I’m Drew to my teachers, Drew to my friends, Drew to my parents, Drew to boys.. I’m just Drew, and all the things that encompasses.

For a tiny while, the boy I dated over the summer called me “ Nort ” because I did this while taking notes on North By Northwest (1959) for my Film Music Appreciation class…

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

One super-odd choice of mine might be The Sandpiper (1965). I know it’s a highly flawed movie, but it’s my favorite “Elizabeth Taylor movie” - the quotes are because it’s not my favorite movie she was in, but rather my favorite of thenot-so-great romantic dramas she got typecast in (like how “Doris Day movies” means Pillow Talk and The Glass Bottom Boat and the other frothy rom-com’s she pretty much exclusively did in the 60s).

It’s special to me for a few reasons. I like Vincente Minelli movies if for nothing else, for the way he shoots his sets and locations - you always get a feel for them and it’s never too claustrophobic or close in (unless it’s supposed to be). The Big Sur beaches are gorgeous and the music - well it’s complicated. I love the theme song The Shadow of Your Smile, and parts of Johnny Mandel’s score are nice, but overall it’s not one I listen to outside of the film. From a story perspective though I find it has a little more to offer than people seem to assume. For one, it’s so great for me to see such an intelligent, unapologetically badass, atheist like Liz’s character. Like that’s not something you see a lot today and in the 60s! - the closest I can think of is Katharine Hepburn as Christina Drayton in Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner who when asked if  the Draytons are Catholic replies “I’m afraid we’re nothing in particular”.

And I like the titular sandpiper as a metaphor for the protagonists’ relationship - though it’s over and they were mismatched, that the relationship helped both parties grow and realize something about themselves and about the world.

Thank you so much for the ask! These were really interesting.

Send me more Get to Know the Blogger asks

[skeysesil]

hey Sesil! I wanted to ask you if you could do an OTP questions set for Totchi and Die? I love all your tags under all their posts and everything you do with them!

OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! 

Of course I can! and it would be one of my greatest pleasures.

WARNING! It’s long as fuck.

Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Both, but I would go more on Die’s side.

Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Toshiya

Die but Toshiya always ruins it with his teenager in heat behavior.

Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Toshiya, and Die shouting at him to put something on, Totchi coming back with a tshirt still butt naked.

Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Toshiya for sure, you can’t start fights with Die that have him ending up on the couch.

Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

Probably Toshiya, Die would take in case he wakes up before him or sleeps in a funny position. Although Toshiya would take pictures of shit faced drunk Die sleeping on the floor in the hallway in front of the door.

Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?

Die

Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

Toshiya is the type to wake up in the middle of the night to bother Die with some lame pun, causing Die to smack him with a pillow and go back to sleep. 

Die’s the one that has nightmares, and regarding the singing part, they would both do it, although Die’s more likely to do it when Toshiya is deeply asleep.

Who is more likely to cheat?

Die, the boy’s loose, you can’t help him, it’s in his DNA to be a butterfly.

Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Toshiya is the one who makes fun, only for Die to look at him with a straight face reminding him that they’re together.

Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Toshiya

Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the other’s butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

TOSHIYA to all of them

Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?

Die 

Who is more dominant in the bedroom?

It really depends, it can be both.

Who is more protective?

Both of them but in different ways. Die is the upfront type also motherly like because he’s the older sibling, Toshiya is the one that watches from behind.

Who falls asleep on the other’s lap and who carries them to bed?

Die, and Toshiya carries him.

Who forgets to put the cat outside the bedroom when they have sex?

I think the cats are used by now and they just get out on their own, but most probably Toshiya cuz Die is overly protective and doesn’t want his babies to see things.

Who cuts the other’s hair?

Die, because he doesn’t allow anyone to touch his hair yet he’s capable of taking care of Toshiya’s.

Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

I can’t say super bad but not brilliant also, Toshiya for both. Because he has that childish innocence and would ruin it with a smiley face.

Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of losing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

Both partners in a relationship tend to do that without a doubt so I’m going with both.

Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

Toshiya, although there’s no need to hold Die cuz they’re at the same level.

Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Shitty puns and bad sex jokes: Toshiya

Shitty puns and good sex jokes: Die

Who orders take out at two in a morning? 

Toshiya, either because he wanted or was forced to by the hungry Mie bitch.

Who leaves their dirty underwear on the floor?

It can be both without a doubt but Die has OCD and needs to keep things clean and in order so Toshiya might be the one.

Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

Toshiya does the stunt and Die ends up taking him to the emergency room, on their way scolding him. [it happened during the final of one of their shows for Toshiya to do a backflip and didn’t come out great]

Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

Die - Toshiya

Who farts under the sheets?

Without a doubt both, their reaction differs 😂

Who doesn’t close the door when they go to the bathroom?

Toshiya, this boy would pee while standing up at the same time sleeping.

Who leaves crumbs in the bed?

Toshiya; Die would shove those crumbs down his throat.

Who gets into the shower with the other randomly?

Toshiya, he just pops out of nowhere.

Who flashes the other when they walk by after taking a shower alone?

T O S H I Y A

Who secretly tries to touch the other in naughty places during public/family events?

Both of them without a doubt, although Toshiya will try to reach out for Die’s ass as much as possible.

Who asks “what are you thinking about?”?

Toshiya, as he passes by wanting to grab Die’s nose.

Who always has to be touching the other?

Like I said, Toshiya, his hands need to be all over the place.

Who would throw the other in the pool?

Both of them and both of them would throw someone else together.

Who is the better carer when the other is sick?

Die, he’s the mama bear although he barely takes care of himself.

Who would force the other to do extreme sports with them?

Die.

Who complains the most?

*looks at Die*

Who kills the spiders?

Toshiya

Who comes home drunk at 3am?

DIE OF COURSE, with a set of jokes ready for a stand-up comedy show

Who has sole possession of the T.V. remote?

Toshiya, no matter what, but if there’s any baseball game on TV, he’ll get his ass whooped.

Who stays up until 2am reading?

Both of them but at the same time Die finishes reading books fast so I doubt he’ll get to 2 am.

Who’s into kinky stuff?

Both of them but on different levels.

And with this being said, I am done 🙃