#family is out rn and theyre gonna try and get him stuff to feel better but im just scared its not gonna work | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

surveysonfleek · 3 years ago

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1575.

Best movie soundtrack ever: you got served haha.

What was your favorite Disney movie as a kid? it’s always been aladdin but i probably have a top 5.

Have you seen it since? yes, of course!

If I looked through your phone right now, what would I find? not much. a ton of apps and photos.

Do you brush your teeth in the bathroom, or do you get bored & roam around? i stay in the bathroom.

Reggae or Ska? reggae if i had to.

What time did you wake up today? 6:45am.

Why’s the summer going by so fast? summer is only coming up. and i’m not happy about it.

What’ll you be doing this 4th of July? itll be a normal day for me, we dont celebrate that here.

Are you allowed to wear shorts or tanktops at your school? We’re not. its been many years since i went to school lol.

When’s the last time you brushed your teeth? today.

Are you a picky-eater? yes and no. ill try everything once but i wont eat something if i dont like the taste.

How many songs are there in your iTunes? no idea.

How many bands? -

Are you a candle-fanatic? yes i am! especially during this lockdown.

How do you feel about incense? not a fan.

I didn’t spell that right, did I? looks right to me.

Do you know anyone that kind of looks like an animal? haha no one i personally know.

Are you ruthless? i can be without realizing. it’s rare tho.

What’s your couch look like at home? black leather corner couch. can fit four people laying down haha.

When’s the last time you were at a playground? the other week but i didn’t ‘play’, i was at the basketball courts next to it.

Does your city/town have a little festival/carnival every year? yes.

Do you attend? i did last year.

Have you ever been to an apple-orchard? no.

Were there any cartoons your parents didn’t let you watch as a kid? south park haha.

Do you need to clean your room? it’s clean. i’ve cleaned it out so many times this year.

What’s your favorite color? turquoise.

No one ever really changes. They just get better at hiding their flaws. True or false? false.

Have you ever been to New York City? yes.

Do you still have a bicycle? Do you ever still ride it? yes and no.

Have you ever carved your name, or anything into a tree or a bench? most likely.

What’s your favorite ice-cream flavour? run and raisin.

Have you ever had pecan divinity? no.

Cotton candy or nachos? nachos for sure.

Is your MySpace page private? hmm i dont think i have one anymore.

Do you drink milk? nope.

Would you rather see Death At A Funeral or Get Him To The Greek? hmm ive seen both. i think death at a funeral was more interesting.

Have you ever had to clean a college kid’s dorm room? no.

What’s your favorite kind of candy-bar? kitkat.

When’s the last time you hugged a family member? hahaha no idea. we dont do that shit lmao.

Or are you more of a “don’t touch me” kind of person? yes.

Could you handle motherhood? of course! when im ready.

Well what about if your child’s EXACTLY like you, could you handle that? ill be happy with that as long as its a girl!

Have you ever been wakeboarding? no.

What’s the sky look like? dark. its nighttime.

Are you multi-tasking right now? yeah, listening to a podcast while doing this.

How many pairs of flipflops do you own? one at the moment. im all about slides now lol.

Are you any good at basketball? nah. im good at watching it lol

Are you any good at sports in general? cant say i am :(

Would you rather have a bulldog puppy or a husky puppy? i think id prefer a husky

Do you have any stuffed animals? If you do, what are they? i do but theyre tucked away somewhere.

Is any of this Go Green stuff really gonna make a significant difference? eventually yes

Are you good at making up excuses or lies on the spot? hmmm its 50/50

Is Mr. Hudson attractive? who dat

The last time you snuck out, what were you going to do? i dont remember the last time i did this lol

Were you into the whole Harry Potter thing when it was popular? of course! i still love hp

Do you think Rupert Grint’s cute? nah.

Have you ever rode a horse? yes

What’s something cute to wear with leggings? any tee

Tye-dye or floral? tie dye!

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever ate? moose

What’s your desktop wallpaper? i just cycle thru mac ones, so boring lol.

What’s your wallpaper on your cell? a photo of nyc

17th contact; idk cbf checking

Do you know anyone in the military? no

Are you ashamed to admit that you like Ke$ha? i dont like her

Is there anything you wanna say to someone right now? nope

Pancakes, or waffles? (: theres a time for both. i think id prefer waffles rn

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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lunatic-fandom-space · 4 years ago

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Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

#rwde #rwby critism #anti mkek #yu gi oh #ygo duel monsters #yu gi oh analasis

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patchdotexe · 6 years ago

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So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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tskumoyuuma · 6 years ago

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ok .... so .. I watched endgame ... and I honestly dont kno how to feel. dont get me wrong, it was a good movie but there was so much stuff that's honestly giving me a headache rn. I'm gonna try to say my thoughts below but its prob gonna be disjointed so be warned n yea massive spoilers below obviously

ok stuff I liked included the massive battle scene at the end I cheered the shit out of that it was the best part of the movie hands down. jokes wer fairly well except for one major thing I'll get into. i also Loved sam getting the shield i screamed when that happened. i also think they did tony good like his death felt natural to me n fit w his character n at least he got to be really happy for five years n got to reunite w peter before he went n like hey he saved the universe too which i was scared was gonna go to steve which i would Not have liked. n yea that's.. p much it for stuff I really liked. most other scenes I was like meh or ?????

ok now shit I have Major issues w ......

1) ok let me get this out of the way now .... time travel always fucks w things. u can never use time travel unless u specifically planned for it since the beginning n even then u gotta be Very careful cause timeline shit is fragile. the whole "we gotta put the time stones back so the timelines dont get fucked EVEN THO BOTH GAMORA AND THANOS R NO LONGER IN THE PAST ANYMORE ??????" I'm sorry but I cant just let that go that's too much to ignore n the fact that steve went back n is still in that exact timeline means that the gamora thanos missing thing applies to that timeline too which would make no sense for infinity war n guardians of the galaxy. its is The biggest peeve I have n I really cant look past that. anyway moving on

2) speaking of the jokes, I Hated what they did to thor. his entire thing was a fat joke. they made him depressed n fat n purposefully ugly w that body prosthetic n played it for a joke. even his supposedly emotional scenes wer drowned out by jokes, n I hated it n was uncomfortable n i am so sad about what theyv done to him especially after ragnarok also fuck u even more u get TWO hammers whatevr

3) speaking of hammers WHY was steve able to pick up thors hammer now ??? like i get it looked cool but what exactly changed from age of ultron to now that had steve become worthy of picking up the hammer cause in my opinion he did nothing to warrant this (uh oh my anti steve side is showing)

4) i really think they shouldve either killed steve or didnt have him show up after going back w the stones cause one it would fix the time thing since hes the one thing thats proving that the whole film is one timeline n two it just i think would feel a lot better. like bucky obviously knew what steve was gonna do he wasnt surprised at all so when steve goes in n doesnt come back out have bucky hand sam the shield n a letter explaining why he didnt come back n that hes entrusting the cap name to same now. i kno it wouldnt have the same idk emotional satisfaction or whatever of having steve himself hand the shield over but i mean i didnt feel that i only felt joy for sam getting this title so i wouldv preferred it the other way just my thoughts on that

5) the whole natasha n clint fighting to see who jumps off the cliff for the soul stone scene was honestly ... really funny to me. like they were throwing things n physically fighting to get the chance to kill themselves n i was holding back laughter i really thought they were both gonna go over n whoops guess wer not getting the soul stone cause no ones left to grab it enfskkds plus i felt nothing when natasha died like it obviously shouldv been her cause she has no one (yea yea except the avengers or whatever blah blah) while clint has an entire family to save so yea not surprised there. (also small thing cause its mostly just me but did really no one kno the requirements for the soul stone ? like u kno gamora died there n thanos got the stone n u couldnt piece the pieces together enough to plan for this ?? whatever like i said its a small thing mostly me moving on)

6) i also think they should have killed more people than they did like going from infinity war to these two deaths felt strange especially w the big ass battle AND the building getting exploded like im sorry but the fact that NO ONE died from those missiles is just sonfjknsdjknfskjd nah

7) ALSO back to the stones thing HOW would steve put the soul stone back. HOW. n like he would have to go back to where they got it which is where red skull is. RED. SKULL. UR TELLING ME WE COULD HAVE SEEN THIS INTERACTION IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOLD. its like they even though this whole bring the stones back plan was bullshit n couldnt find a way to actually do it so they didnt show it at all n was like “nah nah its fine its fine shh look steves old now” (but i guess it wouldnt even matter anyway cause after 2014 thanos is just gone from the timeline forever i guess)

8) also merged bruce hulk is real weird to me n i dont like it that much. his overall character was fine but the whole combined hulk n bruce thing was too much of a jump for me n one of the main pulls of bruces character is his dynamic w hulk so getting rid of that completely to just have ... one big strong smart green guy just made me lose interest in him real quick. plus he looks like shrek n i hate it.

EDIT: 9) I ALMOST FORGOT n this also might be answered in far from home but the people who were dusted missed the whole five years right ?? wer still five years in the future from infinity war right ???? so how the fuck is far from home gonna go. r they just gonna be like uhhh no yea all the major student characters from homecoming wer dusted n thats why theyr all still in high school in this movie too n even if they do that what about all their classmates n shit who werent dusted ?? n the fact that prob the majority of the grade r people who were really five years younger than them but r now kinda the same age is fucking wild n i Need them to address this. honestly dont like that the time leap was so big i get they needed that time but also i think a year wouldv had the same affect while keeping the missed time of the dusted people at a low, two years tops would have been good for me but not five whole years. of course if they handle this well in future marvel movies then ill be fine but rn im skeptical

listen ... i think as a plain just watching for entertainment movie, endgame is good. i enjoyed it as i was watching, but as soon as u even start thinking about the shit that happens in here it all just falls apart honestly. maybe im just running off my anger for the timeline shit n later i might come to appreciate the stuff i actually liked more, but these r my thoughts as of about four hours after watching it.

#marvel #endgame #endgame spoilers #n thats my thoughts on all that #prob have more complaints cause i like to complain n nitpick #but these r my main things rn #feel free to like discuss but i Really wont be changing my mind about the time shit #like rn i feel the whole steve ending might ruin the whole film for me #which sucks but thats just how i feel rn #long post

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cata-strophes · 6 years ago

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idek how to express how grateful i am in words rn but thank you so much — ive been feeling really alone lately and your words make me feel a lot less alone & genuinely hopeful & that i will come out of this in the end — i really hope im sorta conveying how thankful i am, i dont think i was really expecting a reply ? i just wanted you to know that youd helped and again ! youve helped me so much more than you could know (ps i love that drawing so much 💙🖤 thank you sm for the comfort shances)

hello anon!!

i hope you dont mind me answering this like this, i didnt want to show last one since you genuinelly seemed distressed, and, well, i didnt know how else to answer but with more of what you said helped you before,, and i really meant it, what i said, it does get better

im gonna write some personal stuff under this cut so i dont occupy everyone’s space, but feel free to read if you want to (tw? depression and mental health in general), this is really text heavy, sorry!!

i was always a pretty anxious kid, but a few years back i had a big fight with some close friends, i had a few other friends, but they were really busy and couldnt hang out, i had some really huge family problems and i was alone most of the time. around the time i found voltron, i was really deep into a low circle, i held onto it like a lifeline, thats why i was around the internet a lot at that time

i found a hobby. it was pretty robotic, but it kept me going. voltron, fics, fandom, its not the best support system, to be honest, but it helped me find something to hold onto.

anon, it seems hard now, by then i was mostly moving because thats what people expected from me. my parents didnt even find out i was having a hard time until i literally broke down in front of them and went nearly catatonic for a few hours. i got into therapy after that. it didnt solve all of my problems, but it certainly helped me keep a clear mind. i dont think i ever really told my therapist all that goes through my head because of my own personal trust problems (im pretty sure i have some sort of impostor syndrome, but even then i doubt myself, u know?)

anyways, i got sidetracked. but really. it seems hard, i know, but hey, im here right now. and im so happy i am. i still find it hard some days to even gather energy to move, get dressed, eat, and i have anxiety attacks more often than not. but i met some trully incredible people at college, im closer than ever to the same friends i mentioned i had a huge fight with, i cant wait for the next day im able to meet up with friends and enjoy a movie, or go to the park and have some tereres and just talk, or for my birthday, and inviting everyone camping. its really a wonderful feeling.

i remember a few years back, when people invited me over, i was always looking for an excuse to not go. i live too far, its raining, its too hot, my stomach hurts, i have a headache, my dad asked me to help him cook, whatever i could to get out of it. and now im travelling one hour to the city just to see them, and i enjoy it, and i cant wait to do it again

it was hard, it was painful, but i feel stronger, and much more mature, and in the end, i know i can get out of it. i built myself an incredible support system, even if im a hardass and dont like telling my problems to the people i love

god i got too sidetracked again, im just- im really really happy i could help you through that, because i was there and it felt so awful, and im glad i can help you like that, doing what i love

the most i can recommend you right now, is find something you love, something that distracts you, and hold onto that. dont make your whole life around it, but support yourself on that, until you can support yourself on your own. i had voltron, i had fandom and i had fics and fanart. i had a family going through a hard time and my overcompensating ass trying to make up for it. now i have my friends and my family and the feeling that i cant let them down by missing a day not getting out of bed. make yourself lists, congratulate yourself with every accomplishment you make, from the smallest to the biggest ones, because you did it. you did it.

remember to breathe, remember to drink water, and please, please remember to eat, preferably four meals a day, but i’ll be glad if you take at least a bite now and then

i love you anon, and i know i said it before, but i believe in you, and i trust that you’ll get through this

(ps you can always trust in me to give comfort shances, theyre the best comfort 💙🖤)

#personal #huh i never thought i'd get too personal in this account #but im sleep deprived and the floodgates kinda opened #time to go back to drawing to make up for my hiatus #love u anon #and i love every one of you reading this and going through a hard time #you can do it #i know i got it easier than many more people #but my askbox is always open for any of you #i might not have all the answers #but i can at least give you a friendly ear #and a shoulder to cry on #anon #ask

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thetruegarbagecentral · 3 years ago

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Well here we fucking go Its 1 1/2 hours till midnight n i almost threw up on my laptop twice. i Don’t dare to leave my seat tho bc i dont think i can handle the sounds of fireworks outside. My chest feels like its getting cavd in. I feel so fucking lonely rn holy fucking shit. Like my friends celebrate today with each other or their partners or familys when I asked if something is planned they said no. I mean i dont blame them they often hang out just the two of them bc theyre super close and I love that for them and it doesnt bother me But im sitting here all alone at home and it usually doesnt bother me?? like christmas i was also alone but i was fine And then i met my sister when getting groceries and we talked a bit how shes gonna have people over n all and suddenly out of the blue she was like “are you tommorrow all alone??” And i said yes like where would i be otherwise?? my friends are busy themselves or spending time with family But then she gave me such a pitying look. and suddenly me spending new years by myself feels like a failure on my part. Like i deserve to be lonely or smth not that she invited me to come over for a bit or anything. my brother asked ages ago but then i thought me and my friends would do smth and i only now remembered that. So now its too late to get over to him I avent showered and im not dressed and all my clothes r wet bc i did laundry and i feel like ive been forgotten or smth

noone owes me to look after me like im a kid or smth. but christmas and new years noone asked me to come over to their place... I spend the 24th with my brother and his family bc they asked weeks in advance bc they wanted to spend time with me. but they left for his wifes family that night they even asked me if i wanted to come along. My brother and his wife are the only people who activly give a shit about me in my family but my brother is... not the easiest to talk to and spend time with My sisters cried when they found out last year that i selfharmed but they never again checked on me not once

they have kids they are busy i know but i feel forgotten as soon as im not a problem in their face anymore im invisible and when i actually try to spend time with them i get waved off I have to invite myself sometimes even tho i hate it like i message them if i can come over for a bit to talk Bc my apartment is so small i cant host any people i dont even have a table so i have to invited to peoples homes to spend time with them and it ALWAYS feels forced and clumsy and i wanne leave again I’m just the annoying broken one of this family Happy fucking new years to me i guess

another year of being the sibling people gossip about bc shes broken and cant function another year of barely skipping a shopping addiction bc buying stuff makes me happy another year of learning and being the 3rd best in class and still feeling like u failed bc you havent been the best Hope your night is better then mine

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julictsrose · 6 years ago

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juliet celia jacobs’ questionnaire answers below the cut

Describe your character in a few words.

motherly. sensitive. anxious. caring. smart. serious.

What do you know about your character that they don’t know yet?

well her whole biological family for starters. juliet’s got no idea that her and xander are actually twins and gemini’s her little sister. because that’s some soap opera shit and she is not here for it. also the fact that her and addison are so similar and are gonna be rlly good friends. she doesnt know that.

What are your character’s major flaws?

she doesn’t take care of herself at all. that’s the big one. she cares so much about other people but she won’t do anything for herself. also the fact that she so hopelessly believes in reason behind everything. like in general i don’t think optimism is bad but she’s optimistic to a fault. she puts all her eggs in one basket and has no idea what to do when things don’t work out.

What would your character give their life for?

her family.

What is your character’s greatest asset?

she would do anything for the people she loves. or even total strangers tbh. she just wants to help people and make the world better.

What would completely break your character?

what WOULDN’T. no, uh, for real, i’m not answering this cause some shits gonna happen u guys. you’ll see juliet break.

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

i’d say juliet projects her image of perfection very well. i don’t think anyone really sees through the image she puts up besides reece. maybe that’s why she loves him sooooo much.

What is your character afraid of?

losing. in just about any capacity. she’s afraid of failing at things she wants to win or accomplish. she’s afraid of losing her loved ones. that’s where her anxiety really stems from and her fear of letting people really see her. gal’s got abandonment issues fr.

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale?

so polite. would cut off own hand for you.

If your character could choose a different identity, who would they pick?

is it weird to say she’d be ophelia if she could?

In what or whom is your character’s greatest faith in?

right now? honestly probably reece. that’s so unhealthy but its honest. she just pours herself into her romantic relationships and wants them to be everything that matters. when she doesn’t have a boyfriend, it would be will and xander though.

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

her family

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

her break up back in college maybe

What is your character’s biggest nightmare?

being abandoned and/or people seeing past the perfect girl disguise she’s built for herself

What is your character’s secret wish?

that reece would just fuckin marry her honestly

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

finishing med school. also that national title for the women’s swim team at columbia. maybe being her high school’s valedictorian. she’s got a lot of achievements bruh.

What is your character’s deepest regret?

probably letting her ex influence so much of her life and the decisions she made both when they were together and after they broke up. as if she’s not doing the same with reece rn smh

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

anything abt the storm inside her head

What is your character hiding from themselves?

her fucking eating disorder. bitch knows she has that shit. but she’s out here like nO IM FINE

What makes this character angry? What calms them?

juliet doesn’t really get angry very much?? i guess when she feels like someone is intentionally trying to ruin things for her. and as for calming man i wish i knew but i don’t think she’s ever been calm before in her LIFE

List situations in which your character would not have control over themselves.

all of them.

How strong is your character’s emotions? Controllable? Uncontrollable?

juliet has literally 0 control over her emotions but she likes to pretend like she has all the control. her emotions control her always. she has this tendency to lash out or panic mid conversation and she has no idea what to do about it.

Describe your character’s family.

juliet’s adoptive family is wonderful and she adores all of them sm. her parents are kinda hippie-ish (though not as hippie ish as her bio parents lol) and they’re very liberal. her dad is an english professor at stanford and he’s obsessed with shakespeare (obviously) and her mom is a lawyer (but also obsessed with shakespeare). she has a younger sister ophelia who is her polar opposite but basically her best friend. and also a younger brother named lysander who is a little angel baby but now he’s like FOURTEEN YOU GUYS WHAT. juliet absolutely adores her family. i’m serious. they’re all her faves.

Name your character’s favourite person and why?

xander branstad though she’d never admit it to anyone other than him cause she knows everyone wants to be her fave tbh. xander is just her person okay!! they’re bffs since always and he gets her in a way no one else does and there’s just no one she’d rather go to when she’s sad and needs a hug or just a movie night and to hang out. he’s just her favorite person to be around.

How many friends does your character have?

lol a good amount now i guess. but generally not many. its usually just xan and will and then maybe a few other friends who are probably more like acquaintances tbh. also i think she has more friends than she thinks she does. cause she charms just abt everyone she meets but she doesnt think theyre friends yet cause she doesnt really believe people wanna be her friend

How many friends does your character want?

all the friends. she wants to have so many friends but she doesn’t know how to make the friends

How would a friend or close relative describe your character?

the kindest person you’ll ever meet. perfect probably.

Who depends on your character? Why?

ophelia depends HEAVILY on juliet bc what r sisters for. also xander probably for the same reason and then idk abt in this verse exactly but usually will too

Who does your character most want to please? Why?

EVERYONE. she equally wants the approval of every single person she ever meets. there’s to rhyme or reason to the order of importance and i’m sure it varies constantly based on who seems to approve the most. i.e. she most wants the approval of the person the least pleased with her at any given moment.

How does your character feel about sex?

good?? lol it’s kind of a non-issue for her i guess which seems funny since she seems so prim and proper and like some 50′s housewife like 89% of the time but idk probably bc her parents are so chill she doesn’t see it as a huge deal?? if she wants to do it she will??? she’s never slept with someone she wasn’t dating though but that’s just a health issue more than anything. that being said she’s also slept with every person she’s dated so i mean. it is what it is.

How does your character feel about romantic relationships?

real anxious but real excited. she just wants to be loved!! she wants love!! she wants to get married and be someones wife and live happily ever after already okay!!

How does your character feel about work?

so juliet’s never had what the kids call a “”real job”” she’s just done a lot of internships and like volunteer stuff like gal’s never had to work a day in her life to make money cause her parents are Rich AF but she really loves working if that makes sense?? like all of the internships and volunteer stuff she THRIVES on that shit she loves to be doing things and organizing and making stuff happen!! and all this medical internships stuff? incredible. love of her life actually.

Write one additional thing about your character.

makes pinterest recipes better than the original.

#renownedtask #abt

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system-architect · 7 years ago

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anyways u will still be getting my obnoxious web based posts since i have a crusty old chromebook that sometimes blacks out for brief periods of times but is overall questionably operational, so 2 pass the time heres a fun ‘about me’ style meme i stole from @garbagesura

Age: 21! turnin 22 this summer...

Birthplace: mmmichigan, not too far from here...

Current time: 11:07 PM.. watch me take 20 minutes to answer this somehow

Drink you last had: water bc im healthy ((im not))

Easiest person to talk to: sasha.... im gay

Favorite song: i have a lotta faves and it shifts around a lot but i think my current fave is fall out boy - where did the party go (im a normie i kno..)

Grossest memory: thats an awfully personal question my guy

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff/huffleclaw,,,

In love: Hell Fucking Yeah

Jealous of people: i get insecure sometimes but i think its a bit different from like. envy. and i think jealousy is more like an insecurity thing whereas envy is like, the thing ppl think of where you think ur better and deserve smth more. so i mean i guess sometimes but i try to rlly not let it get to me and i balance it out with logic but its like, its a human thing to feel sometimes u kno?? anyways theres my #realtalk of the night thanks

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again: uhh i dont think you really can fall in love based on first appearances or impressions but i think as you get closer and closer to the right person they draw you in and you draw them in and it feels very good and organic and you will be able to Tell in a natural true way that they’re the one

Middle name: valentine!! like the saint. and the holiday...

Number of siblings: i have one younger bro whos a blood relative and one younger (slightly less younger) adopted/chosen bro and one chosen older sister!

One wish: i wanna live happily and comfortably with sasha and be able to provide for ourselves but also be able to help out and get to see my friends and family often

Person you called last: i had to call sasha at like 11 pm my time for some reason and i cant remember why. it lasted 8 seconds and we didnt talk bc it just prompted him to discord msg me jkhgdfkljdkfghkjd. aside from that does the local pharmacy for emergency refills count

Question you are always asked: i think i have a spiritual sign over my head that says “pls come to me if u have troubles” bc people pull me aside to chat about life advice and ask me stuff like “hey can i talk to u about smth real quick”/”are u free to talk” etc a whole lot... its rlly heartening, i like bein able to give people advice to the best of my abilities,,,,

Reasons to smile: i have some very cute dogs and i get to talk w a cute boy every day and im gonna start gardening this summer and grow some fun vegetables, also im really happy with my art and characters lately, and my guild is full of such nice wonderful ppl who always leave rlly lovely messages in the discord every day and are super lovely to be around n chat with

Song you sang last: mouthed the lyrics of NIN’s ‘head like a hole’ except i was singing them to the version where its mashed up with carly rae jepsen’s ‘call me maybe’. its an absolute fucking banger just ftr

Time you woke up: 8:30 am??????

Underwear color: meme please no one wants to know this. but i will say every item in my wardrobe is goth or goth adjacent. im gay and have mental illnesses so its just like that

Worst habit: bad at self care esp physically but im tryin rlly hard to get better at it!

X-rays: ive had EASILY over a dozen xrays in my life, probably like. way way way more. i was born w hip dysplasia and went thru a lot of surgeries, casts, braces etc, and had yearly xrays until age 9 i think plus all the others they did in the surgery processes n whatnot, and then stuff later on at checkups and looking into shit like ‘guess what u have minor scoliosis’ and so forth. this is going to be a wild way to end this paragraph but theyre kind of fun

Your favorite food: this is tough.... my favorite food shifts a lot, rn i really like egg on toast or cucumber on toast/cucumber sandwiches!

Zodiac sign: cancer sun, taurus moon, sagittarius rising!! also gemini mars + gemini venus and cancer mercury

I’ll tag: im so bad at tagging aaaaaa pls do this if you want to!!!!

#about me #not gw2

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kokeggy · 7 years ago

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my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it

i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all

i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better)

but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma

ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao

and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic

furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game

but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior

to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol

as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)

anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)

but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude

also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). .. .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant” which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not

i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw

anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao

but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do

a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory

its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate

which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation)

im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot

hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears

in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka

#drv3 spoilers #ouma kokichi #my posts #im trying this very sleep deprived so excuse me for my grammar and spelling mistakes u will ever seen one #ill try to correct it after i get some sleep

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itacestians-unite · 7 years ago

Text

I decided to post the smut I wrote over a year ago and never got around to finishing... I still MIGHT try and finish it but idk. I’m working on it rn though, but decided to post what I’ve gotten so far because it’s dom!feli and sub!lovi and most of my posts are gonna be sub!feli and dom!lovi, so i thought it’d be nice to post something that’s not -w-

Story is long so it’s under the cut! Nearly 4000 words and theyre not even doing the frick frack yet. I like my foreplay long and drawn out ok

Jealousy. It can range from slight anger to a sickening hatred. It's a feeling that surfaces when you care deeply for someone, and when someone tries to compete with your affection towards said person. Whether it be them stealing a kiss from your special someone or simply a smile that seems a bit too friendly, it can make you think and do things completely out of character. Even when you know their intentions are innocent you can't help but be annoyed and consider kicking them out within the next five minutes if they didn't stop touching your brother.

Jealousy was a bad thing. Veneziano knew this, but that didn't help, not at all.He allowed gaze to focus on the other two nations, his usual smile plastered on his face (except it was). fake.Spain had came over unannounced, and he'd only been here for about twenty minutes but to Veneziano, it was twenty minutes too long. Romano would push him away, muttering a harsh insult everyone knew he didn't actually mean, and Spain would just hug him tighter and coo about how cute he was, as if he was still a young colony. This usually didn't bother Veneziano that much. Maybe it was because he was in their home, or maybe it was the way Romano was blushing and grumbling in that way that only Veneziano was supposed to be able to make him.

Another five minutes passed, Veneziano watching the two as they made no attempt of include him, and he was fed up. His first thought was to act, as he suddenly jumped out of his seat and let out a loud gasp. Spain looked away from Romano (for probably the first time during his entire quarter-hour visit) and made a confused face. "What's wrong, Italy?"

"I just remembered!" Veneziano said this in an innocent, worried tone. Romano looked at him just as confused as Spain, except with a more bitter look, as if saying, "Explain." And Veneziano felt his stomach twist slightly, taking that as an "Explain why you interrupted my shower of affection." Before either of the other two could say anything, he spoke. "Hey Spain, can you leave?"

Spain blinked in confusion and Romano snorted loudly next to him. Veneziano continued speaking, ignoring the way his heart fluttered when his brother finally acknowledged his existence once more, "Romano and I actually have some really important government stuff to do!" As he said this, he flashed his brother a sweet smile, hoping he'd play along with it.

Romano seemed to get the message and he sat up straight, crossing his arms. "Yeah, we were about to start before someone interrupted," he glared at Spain as he said this and Veneziano mentally thanked his brother for being nice for once.

For a second, Spain frowned, then he laughed. "I see," he began, standing up. "I'll make my way out then!" And before he walked away, he patted Romano's head. The other glared and swatted his hand away. Then he had opened the door, and just before stepping outside, he said, "It was nice to see you two, Italy, Romano!"

Then Spain was gone as quickly as he had came. Romano shut the door behind him, muttering under his breath, "Idiot." He locked the door and turned to face his brother, expecting an explanation. "Okay, what the hell wa-" What he didn't expect was to suddenly be cut off by a pair of lips against his own, while a warm body slammed him against the wall (more specifically, the door), pinning his arms to his sides of his head. The air nearly got knocked out of him and Romano let out a muffled squeak. He went to slam his foot up the potential murderer's ass, until he saw warm brown eyes and realized it was just Veneziano. Who else would it be? He really needed to work on his paranoia problem...

That still didn't make the action welcome though, and he went to push him away until hands clasped his own and the body pressed against him, effectively trapping Romano between the wall and his brother. He felt a leg slide between his own (what was Veneziano doing?), beginning to grind against his cock through the soft fabric of his clothes and he moaned at the sudden but definitely welcome friction. Then when he was about to relax and finally return the kiss, that fucker pulled away, looked at his brother with an angry little pout on his face. He let out a small sigh and Romano watched with fascination as a pink tongue darted out, gently running over soft lips and wetting them with saliva.

He swallowed and cleared his throat, averting his gaze to Veneziano's eyes that seemed to sparkle slightly in amusement. Then he began, in a mocking tone, "Important government stuff." His brother seemed to forget the fact that they were at home, during the afternoon, on their day off. "You sure convinced him." And Veneziano glared a bit, shifting his knee forward to rub up against the elder's crotch again, and he immediately went silent aside from a soft groan.

Veneziano squeezed Romano's hands gently and pecked his lips. "He wouldn't stop talking about you," he huffed, an adorable little glare still on his face, that one that Romano never got to see because his brother rarely got irritated. "If it wasn't about how cute you looked, it was about how cute you acted. If it wasn't about how cute you acted, it was about how cute you sounded." And by this point, Veneziano had let go of his brother's hands to flail his arms around in emphasis to his point.

Romano smirked a little, taking the opportunity to pull the younger closer so their faces were only centimeters apart, so they could feel each other's breath and practically taste each other's lips. "You sound jealous." Then they were kissing again and Veneziano reached up to run fingers through his brother's hair. He deepened the kiss and pressed himself against Romano more. chest to chest, and he rolled his hips forward a bit, causing both of them to shudder. He slid a hand down from his brother's hair and took his curl between two fingers, rubbing back and forth with his thumb, causing Romano to part his lips to groan. Veneziano traced his tongue over his brother's bottom lip before taking the opportunity to slip it into his mouth, slowly rubbing their tongues against each other.

He pulled away again, and Romano glared, panting softly. He wrapped his arms around the younger, tried to pull him back, but Veneziano wouldn't let him and just reached forward, beginning to unbutton his shirt with the pace of a snail. "You just sat there and let him suffocate you with hugs," he said with a sad, almost bitter undertone, and Romano was secretly amused.

"You do the same thing to me," He wanted to say, though he didn't, and Veneziano wasn't even halfway done with unbuttoning his shirt yet what the hell. "Spain's like family to me," he said instead, because despite how carefree his brother acted, he could see the tiniest bit of insecurity in his eyes. But over what? Spain? That man was like an annoying, clingy, older brother of sorts. The thought of him as anything more was just plain weird.

Veneziano visibly frowned, just then unbuttoning the fourth button on the elder's shirt. "But I'm your brother." This time Romano took the initiative to roll his hips, causing the other to let a moan to slip out.

"Idiot," he responded, in a lighthearted tone that showed he didn't actually mean the insult. "You're my lover." Then he snorted a little. Veneziano was fine with him flirting with random girls, but the second someone showed interest in him on their own, he'd find some excuse to interrupt, not that Romano was complaining. It was cute to see his normally relaxed brother get so worked up over something. Then there was the fact that he could sometimes get a bit possessive. Once he'd woken up the morning after with marks all over his neck, but again, he wasn't complaining.

Finally, Veneziano finished up with the last button and Romano shrugged the shirt off his shoulder; first the right, then the left, then it slid to the floor with ease. "Are you planning on doing me against the wall?" He (mostly) joked. "Not that I'd be surprised. You're into some pretty kinky shit."

Veneziano pretended to be offended, glaring at his brother playfully. He grabbed Romano's hand and began dragging him off, down the hall and to their bedroom. "You're the one who made love to a toaster," he said teasingly, an amused tone in his voice as he brought up that one thing he knew he wasn't supposed to.

Romano immediately began to blush and he pushed the younger away with an embarrassed little growl. "It was one time, Vene!"

Veneziano only laughed, opening the door to their bedroom and quickly pulling Romano inside. "And there won't be any other times," he said, his voice taking on a bit more of a seductive tone. Romano felt blood rush between his legs and he found himself watching his brother's lips move as he spoke. "I'll make you feel better than a toaster ever could." As silly as that sounded out of context, it was incredibly arousing otherwise.

The door was shut and locked behind them out of habit and Veneziano immediately shoved his brother onto their bed, capturing his lips in an increasingly heated kiss. He crawled on top of Romano to straddle him, letting hands explore the body he already knew so well. They ghosted over the other male's sides, dipped into the so very slight curves in his waist, before traveling up, up, up where fingers began to play with nipples; rolling one between thumb and index finger, circling over it slowly until hard, then gently scraping a nail over it. Romano shuddered beneath his brother and submitted to his skilled ministrations.

Veneziano hummed contently, but why was he doing this again? Right, because of Spain. The only thing the man was capable of doing was gushing over Romano. In reality, Veneziano knew that wasn't the truth, though at times, it still didn't seem very far from it. Romano would just shove Spain away and mumble some half-assed insult everybody in the entire world knew he didn't actually mean. Then he'd blush a bit, in the way that only Veneziano should have been able to make him, and the younger brother would glare at the one who caused it.

He had nothing against Spain, not as a nation or as a person. But sometimes... He'd get just a bit too close and friendly with his brother for comfort. Veneziano was an affectionate person himself, and it wasn't often that he got jealous either, though he couldn't help how he felt. Usually, he found that he didn't really care about what went on. This time, however, it was different, not his usual plans to simply smother Romano in kisses once Spain left, He wanted that, yes, but he wouldn't stop there.

He wanted to kiss him, over and over and over again. Sometimes soft and sweet and other times rough and forceful, but each one just as passionate as the last, ten times, twenty times, fifty times, until they couldn't forget each others' tastes. He'd touch him in every single one of those right ways, causing his brother to shudder and pant and moan until his throat got sore and raw. He'd make sure to leave hickeys and lovebites in as many places as he could, fully visible and impossible to hide, so nobody would forget that Romano was his, and he was Romano's, and they simply belonged to each other. Actually, that sounded like a heavenly idea.

Romano subconsciously arched into the warm hands that stroked his sides, sighing contently. His arms found their way around his brother, and he gently tugged on his shirt collar, silently suggesting that he take it off. Veneziano broke away from their kiss, a tiny smirk on his face. Romano just rolled his eyes and sat up, not so secretly watching his brother as he removed his own shirt at the pace of a turtle. Faster than a snail, but still slow as shit.

"Will you hurry up?" He snapped suddenly, swatting Veneziano's hands away and beginning to quickly unbutton the rest of his shirt for him. "We have sex so often, but it still takes you a damn hour to strip." His cock was twitching in his pants, which were starting to get too tight for comfort, and he was not in the mood for his brother's teasing. Every fucking time, he had to act like he was getting paid and put on a show. Not that Romano was complaining, but he definitely didn't like the idea of Veneziano as a stripper. Nobody else should get to see his precious brother that way.

"You're impatient," Veneziano said, followed by a soft giggle. He slipped off his shirt in one swift movement then crawled closer to his brother, looking him in the eye with an amused smile. "Don't pretend this isn't the best part." After all, what was sex without a bunch of teasing and foreplay?

He let himself switch into dominant mode, the one he knew that Romano was in love with even though he was too stubborn to admit it. He leaned in, but instead of going for the lips he went for the neck, kissing just under his brother's chin (plus a bit of sucking, too). A hand reached up to stroke through that soft, dark brown hair, taking no care in avoiding the curl. If there was one way to get a submissive Romano, it was to mess with his curl. At least if you're Veneziano. If you're anyone else, he'd probably just punch you.

Once there was a satisfying mark where he was kissing, he moved a bit lower, licking at Romano's neck slowly with an upwards flick of the tongue, teeth gently grazing over the soft flesh, taking in the way he shivered and twitched at every touch... Veneziano plopped himself down in the elder's lap, proudly noticing how hard he already was. But those tight pants must have been painful! Good thing they'd be gone soon.

He began gently bouncing up and down, creating just enough movement for there to be a delicious friction. Romano groaned and bucked his hips, lowkey wishing his brother would just get on with it already. He wrapped his arms around Veneziano's waist, and Veneziano just smirked down at him as he began to still himself. Then he leaned forward again, latched his teeth onto a collarbone, and softly nibbled the sensitive skin. A hand traveled back up and stroked the elder's hair, and Romano found himself lightly headbutting it. The fingers slowly running through each strand was endearing and, in a way, arousing.

Veneziano sucked on the bone through the skin, then licked a strip across the entire area. Another light, barely visible hickey made itself present. He wrapped his arms around Romano's neck and looked down at him. "Are you sure you don't love Spain?" He asked with a pout. A fake pout, Romano noted. A normal pout wouldn't have looked so damn sexy.

He proceeded to roll his eyes and he could feel his brother's gaze travel to his lips as he licked them. "I told you, you bastard. Not in that way." There was a playful glint in Veneziano's eyes and he was sure he knew exactly what was coming. And for the record, he was 100% okay with it.

Veneziano pursed his lips and gave his brother a skeptical look. A fake one, of course. He knew Spain was like a father figure to Romano. But he also knew how much Romano loved all of this teasing, even though he'd deny it any time it was brought up.

"I don't believe you,' he said, voice just barely above a whisper. He pressed himself down and rolled his hips in one slow, rough circle. Any retort Romano was going to say had been easily forgotten as he moaned lowly. His arms moved to Veneziano's hips and he tried to get him to keep moving, but the younger just grinned mischievously. "I want you to prove it," he purred.

Romano licked his dry lips once more, focusing on the lustful look in the other male's eyes and how completely turned on he was himself. "How do i prove it?" he said, a slight amusement in his voice. Veneziano gently rocked his hips back and forth with a soft moan, and Romano could feel his brother's own erection pressing up against his stomach with every move.

"By letting me make you feel good," Veneziano sang, with a visible twinkle in his eyes. He slowly pushed himself out of Romano's lap and back onto their bed, so there was a whole area for him to work with. Then he leaned forward and started by unbuttoning his brother's pants. Next he unzipped them, and the metal felt cool on his fingers. Seconds later, the pants were off and tossed somewhere across the room, not to be cleaned up until who knows when.

"I think I can manage that," said Romano softly, only slightly embarrassed to admit it. He shivered at the cool air on his legs, but barely even noticed the cold with all the warm, hot arousal swirling around in his lower regions. The best was yet to come and that thought only excited him more. Though again, he wouldn't admit it.

Then Romano felt a warm breath on his crotch, and hold on, what exactly was Veneziano planning on doing? It took all of his strength not to just thrust his hips up, right into the mouth that was surely there. Though that'd seem needy as hell and like he was going to give in that easy. But he could literally feel his brother's nose against his crotch, and if he shifted just a little, he'd finally get that friction he craved so bad.

Veneziano seemed to have had other ideas, though. He leaned even closer, mouth open slightly, and planted a kiss right on the bulge in Romano's pants. Then without giving him enough time to even shudder or moan, he began sucking, hot, wet lips gently squeezing around Romano's cock through his underwear. The pressure caused it's soft fabric to shift a bit, slowly up and down, almost teasingly.

Romano's breath hitched audibly and he bit back a moan. It was embarrassing. He was already so painfully aroused and Veneziano had barely even done anything. The younger male seemed so thoroughly amused by this and Romano swore he could feel him gently grinning against his crotch. In the end, it didn't matter, because now Veneziano was slowly swirling his tongue around, with no real shape or rhythm, and all thoughts aside from how good it felt were lost from the elder's mind.

But it wasn't just good, it was also torture. That damp heat made sure to travel over every inch of his crotch, but it just wasn't enough. It was unbearably teasing, that potential heaven being held back through the stupid cotton fabric he wore. His cock was definitely awake now, so stubbornly straining against his underwear that felt as if they could rip in two at any given moment. He was panting softly, slowly, and his muscles were much more tense than one's should be when they're about to potentially get a blowjob.

It didn't take more than five seconds for Veneziano to notice this, and he pulled back a bit to look up at his brother in confusion. "Romano?" His voice was hushed, full of lust but also laced with concern, and he was clearly worried that he did something wrong. "Is this okay?" This was his way of asking if he'd fucked up or not, and Romano immediately felt guilty.

"S'fine," he muttered, blushing slightly as he admitted it out loud. Just to make sure Veneziano got the point (and also because he really wanted more), Romano bucked his hips a little, his clothed cock bumping against the younger's mouth. Veneziano looked surprised, then he smirked.

"Is big brother getting impatient?"

Romano pretended he wasn't helplessly turned on by those words (he totally fucking was, though, oh God), simply rolling his eyes in response.

"I think little Vene is impatient," he teased back."I bet he just can't wait to have my cock in his mouth."

Veneziano opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again. He blushed and looked away, visibly admitting defeat. Romano smiled in amusement. Ha! The bastard could never handle a taste of his own medicine. It was cute, actually. He'd tease and tease mercilessly, but the second Romano teased back, he'd get flustered and shut his trap.

Veneziano shifted back and forth, whining lowly at the distraction of his own arousal. He didn't say anything else, and for a second Romano was confused. Suddenly, soft, gentle hands grabbed the waistband of his darned undergarments, gently tugging down on them. Romano gasped in surprise. He lifted his hips, just a little, allowing his brother to slide his underwear down his thighs in one swift movement. They were slid over his knees, down his calves, over his ankles, then they were gone.

"Cute." Veneziano mused, eyeing his brother's exposed form. His eyes were clouded with lust.

This made Romano blush and squirm. God, acting submissive was so embarrassing... He felt the younger flip him over and he didn't even get a second to think before a sharp smack was delivered to his ass.

Romano gasped, hips jerking back, nails digging into the sheets.

"Ah!"

Pain turned into sweet pleasure as he shook slightly. The burning from skin hitting skin made heat flare up in his lower stomach, then go down, making his cock harden.

Another smack.

A whimper escaped the back of his throat. He rutted his hips against the mattress needily, eyes squeezed shut and mouth slightly agape.

Veneziano was silent aside from heavy breathing. His eyes flickered to Romano's hips, then back to his butt, then to his face, which he couldn't actually see from this angle, but Veneziano was sure his brother was making some wonderful faces~

#wip #itacest #smut #hetalia #pwp #writing

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sapphicvevo · 8 years ago

Note

I like to hc that Shiro questioned his bisexuality for the absolute LONGEST and if he was ""bi enough"" because he'd only ever had feelings for one guy so when Lance came out to the team as bi Shiro immediately pounced on him and was like "how did you know you were bi when did you realize do you like girls and boys equally was it sudden was it gradual am I bi am I bi am I??? bi!????!!?" so Lance ultimately helps him discover himself (I NEED this lance and shiro bonding)

OH MY GOD UM ANON YOU LITERALLY JUST SAVED MY LIFE RIGHT NOW????

YOU GOT ME SO EXCITED I’M LEGIT WRITING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW LMAO, so yknow. Long ass text of Shiro and Lance bonding over their bisexuality under the cut. Also the way I’d really like their friendship to be shown in canon because I legit cannot shut up lol.

ANYWAY, HERE IT BE:

Okay I’m gonna start off by saying that I completely ADORE the idea that Shiro struggles with his bisexuality, or even recognizing himself as bi, because majority of the people he’s attracted to happen to be women. It really hones in by the fact that in canon Shiro is actually pretty insecure about himself, not so much about his abilities and contribution to the team (the only time he ever doubts himself about that is after the black lion ejects him, so it makes sense) and while Lance is insecure at times, he’s namely confident in himself as a person and who he is, but is insecure about his abilities and contribution to the team as a whole.

BUT I REALLY LOVE THE CONCEPT OF LANCE HELPING SHIRO FIGURE HIMSELF OUT FOR THREE REASONS:

I hc that Lance is pretty proud of his bisexuality because he has a multitude of supportive sources in his life, so he never really had to worry so much except for the initial coming out process. But after that? FREE GAME. (Not to get Klance in here but Lance imo wouldn’t so much freak out about the fact that he has a crush on a guy, but the fact that this guy is KEITH. That’s legit.. my fave. Anyway,,,,)

I feel like it’d really help Lance to see, which he might have already started doing idk, that Shiro isn’t the hero figure he built himself up to be in his head. He’s human, and he’s got flaws and fears and concerns just like the rest of them.

It’d give them a chance to bond over something outside of Voltron, and Shiro learns that while yes he’s their superior officer and needs to retain a mature and healthy level of companionship, they aren’t just his team members, but his friends too!!! I feel like that’s why it’s so difficult for him to be chill and relaxed around anyone of the team besides Keith considering he knew him before hand.

But just… GOD.. The idea of Shiro talking to Lance about his own insecurities with his bisexuality is so good to me?? Mostly because hed start off with a single question or two… and then it just grows into more the more he gets into it.. AND LANCE WOULD CALL SHIRO HIS YOUNG BI PADAWAN AND TELL HIM TO CHILL WHILE THEY GET COMFY IN THE LIVING ROOM-ESQUE PART OF THE CASTLE

They can talk about the fact that Shiro’s only liked one guy so he doesn’t feel like he really “counts” and Lance tells him that sometimes he used to think that way too because he’s constantly flirting with girls on earth, and sometimes even still feels compelled to only flirt with girls in space sometimes because of all the internalization, but he gets through it because he has to remind himself that the only people he cares about what they think of him rn is his team.

And yknow Shiro would be like.. oddly comforted by this because he realizes then that Lance isn’t just some goofy kid who keeps everything lighthearted just for laughs, but that he’s got more to him than that. And they talk. It starts off with the bi stuff, with Shiro feeling better about himself and more comfortable about calling himself bi, but then it gets into other stuff they have in common. BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH PILOTS, and love flying. Shiro may have had a moment where he forgot that he loved space considering his trauma, and Lance had been in love with space but it dampened a little because he realizes that it’s keeping him away from his family. Maybe they try to reconnect a little on why they love space and fall in love with it again. Shiro and Lance probably have a similar taste in humor, so they’d probably have really dorky inside jokes that only Hunk would think are funny. It’d hopefully get to a point where Lance feels comfortable being able to finally talk to someone he actually knows more than what was beneath the surface and stuff like that. (I have a whole post I wanted to make where like while Lance is arguably one of the most vocal on the team about his feelings, it’s not really going to towards anyone he actually knows that well… Another post.) And while I don’t think Shiro will ever feel comfortable coming towards the younger kids about his feelings or trauma, I feel like he’d get to a place where he’d be comfortable asking for Lance’s support or time when he’s in a bad headspace.

I just think that Shiro and Lance have a lot of potential to be really good friends in canon and have a lot more in common than they think. They have the perfect set up for a ‘just bc theyre your hero doesnt mean that they arent human’ arc and a ‘more than meets the eye’ mark, bc as of rn in canon I definitely think that’s where they’re at in terms of their relationship. It could be so much more though!!! They truly could be the most embarrassing duo in the entire universe with their bad jokes and all LOL.

GOD, you have no idea how much I wanna write a fic about Shiro and Lance bonding through their bisexuality which ends up leading them to an actual friendship now…. ANON YOU CURSED ME

TLDR; I love Shiro and Lance’s potential bond SO FUCKING MUCH

#i wrote.... so fucking much.....#you probably weren't expecting this kind of answer but u fucking GOT IT #shiro #lance #platonic shiro and lance tag #GOD im just gonna write a fic featuring the bi squad and only the bi squad at some point #watch me #long post /#answered #Anonymous #dont tag as sh///ance

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃

#what a mess #when it aug and come april she be dead #sads

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remade-graystudie · 7 years ago

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I need advice, I'm 21 and live with my parents. My dad is so emotionally abusive and controlling, I'm so depressed I just want to leave but it's so hard to do with no money/job, I'm trying to find a job but I'm constantly rejected. I don't know what to do I'm so fed up 😔

First of all, I’m so, so sorry that this is happening. I haven’t experienced this so I cannot begin to know how you feel or what you’re going through, but I’ll do my best to give advice. I’m gonna break into down into 3 parts, I think, below the cut.

1. Getting A Job

I don’t know where you’re applying, but if you haven’t, try the “teenager”/”first job” type jobs. Fast food, waitressing, being a Walmart cashier, etc. I don’t know if you’ve gone to or in or never attended college or what, but I know both McDonald’s and Walmart have some type of program that help with college. I’m too young to work at Walmart so idk what their program is, but McDonald’s seems like their program provides scholarships and maybe even college credits (I work here, but the stuff they gave me on it is just 1 vague piece of paper). If your not properly eating for some reason or another, McDonald’s provides 1 free meal during each shift you work. It’s not the healthiest, but if it’s the best you got, it’s pretty good. also, i know a lot of people make those posts asking people to donate to their fundraiser thingies. if you do that, use youcaring.com, theyre much better than the main one that i cant remember the name of rn.

long story short – try places like McDonald’s and Walmart and apply everywhere you can.

if you get an interview or need help with anything job related, I recently got hired at mcdonalds and have my first day this monday.

2. Getting Away From Your Father

One of the first thing that came to mind for me was a shelter of some sort. I personally dont know what kind of quality of live they are (i know salvation army is shitty tho) but if you get to a point where there are no other options, this is what I would recommend. but before that, i would do what my cousin does now. for background, my cousin lives in dc and makes not even 30 thousand dollars a year. basically, she made a craigslist post and put up flyers saying she needed a place to stay desperately and attached her phone number. she actually got a lot of offers but the one she chose was a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with 5 guys (one bedroom has 2 guys in seperate beds, one bedroom has 2 guys in one bed and 1 guy in the other, and the last room is just her). obviously this plan has some.. flaws. but it could work. you may not get as lucky as she did, but having more people in the house means more people to help with all the fees and more people to help you. it may be a good idea to move far away from your father. my father’s mother is emotionally abusive and her oldest son left the family by saying “none of you ever loved me anyway” and all we know of him now is that he lived in florida after he left, but he could be anywhere now.

long story short – do what you feel comfortable enough to do, but you do have a few options

3. Your Self Esteem And Mental Health

Knowing how my grandmother has affected my father and his siblings and how she affects me, I know how damaging this can be to you mentally. surround yourself with as many people who care about you as you can. find good coping mechanisms. ive heard the app Vent is really good, but i dont know for sure. when youre able to comfortably afford it, i suggest therapy. honestly, i think most people can benefit greatly from therapy. know that you are a beautiful person and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

long story short – this wasnt your fault. you did not deserve this. its okay tp ask for help.

im sorry i cant do more to help you. i hope everything works out for you. as i said, my ask box is always open. thank you for trusting me enough to ask me for help. good luck, anon. stay safe

#ask #anon #answered #emotional abuse #abuse

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theday · 7 years ago

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hide and seek, fireworks, my style, coloured, your love, dream might (romantic or platonic? i love options), i'll be there, because it's you ((((:, you smile, with you, and better with you!!!!

thank you so much for aksing falen i love these and it also got super long lmao rip

Hide & Seek: what’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new?

in real life, its probably their shoes/socks?????? LMAO and then their appearance but im trying 2 not let their appearance stop me from becoming friends with them :-o

online, i usually??? read ppl’s abouts first???? but idk like when it comes to actually talking to them i guess itd be their typing style?? and their use of emojis/the gif function (jenny) helps me to assess them although i do know that the way they type =/= how they are as a person but thats just what i notice first

Fireworks: name something astro’s done that has made your heart explode

falen u rly had 2 do it to me? ????? but hrm…. whenever they post selcas and when they just laugh every time myungjun laughs thats the shit that gets me the most bc its so/???? pur??e??? i love them a lot theyre always so happie and theyre all smiles every time they do a vlive it makes me happie

My Style: what do you usually wear out?

clothes not 2 sound like a loner but. i rarely go outside bc i only go outside when my family eat out and thats only on like weekends and if im hanging out with pals so i always get the chance to wear the same shirt, shorts and shoes lmao

but its a black cat shirt (used to be a button up thing but singapore is 2 hot 4 me) and blue shorts and white converse

Coloured: favourite MV aesthetic?

ok real talk all of their mvs are so pretty and everything??? but my favourite has to be baby or csc

Your Love: top three astro songs

o w0rm

again

confession

every minute

Dream Night: describe a dream date with anyone

idk?? smth ive always wanted 2 do with anyone is just walk through a park or just walk when the weather is not 2 hot or 2 cold (ike what binuki did in their recent vlive)

if we’re getting more romantic mayb just??? cuddling???? idk i rly cant see this happening tbh

I’ll Be There: fave astro vlive you’d watch over and over again?

but theres so many :-( but possibly all of eunwoo’s just 10 minutes with binnie :-0 the shrek vlive with the ice cream made me laugh so hard though mmMM

Because It’s You: why do you love your astro bias?

ur rly gna make me do all 6 members falen??????? ill try 2 keep it short

myungjun; binnie said he was sure mj wouldnt make it into astro and im assuming its because he was the one who was a trainee the shortest but??? look at him now with his strong vocals and even stronger personality!!! astro mightve done fine without mj but listen.. their vlives, appearance on variety shows, etc. would never be able to be as funny because mj is the reason for everyones laughter and it makes me so happy??? mj has that ability to crack anybody up with his laugh and the shit he says and does is so funny too pleaseth and i just?? appreciate mj for being there so fucking much because he really resolves any tension in the atmosphere so easily and as the oldest member im so glad to see he doesnt find anything awkward AND despite the age gap between him and sanha, theyre like the closest?? lets not forget on that one radio thing yesterday they (astro) were asked who they were most comfy with in the dorm and 3/5 answered myungjun :_) im just happy myungjun exists? thank u mj i love u mister 777

PARK JINWOO; jinjin is the one of the sweetest leaders out there and i know every group has a great leader but jinjin is really that leader to me because as the rest of astro have mentioned before, jinwoo really buys them shit and they have said that he is the sweetest?? remember in the fan made fanmeeting i dont know what its called but i linked it and just??? jinjin is literally an angel!!! the one vlive he did with dogs? my heart melted off!!!!!! he really went and learnt the names of all the dogs present in the dog cafe!!!! he stopped the black dog which was biting hard on the table bc he was scared it’d injure itself/get in trouble and just??? jinwoo is so fucking nice just ??? if u look in the dictionary park jinwoo will appear as a synonym believe me ok and jinjin is part of dance line everybody lets not forget that he dances to release stress and that amaizng intro to again he did with rocky for their dream pt2 showcase because that was fucking so ?? i love talent and! AND i will never shut up but as a leader jinwoo takes care of his members so much and he also knows how to have fun with them and he jsut!!!!! i love him a lot

cha! eu! nwoo! (dongmin); i know 4 a fact that this will get so long lmao rip but first i just wanted to say that i am so proud of dongmin and how far he has come as a dancer and vocalist in astro ok so obviously i dont know the real hard facts tm and i can never tell the difference in anything so i dont know how accurate i really am but last year (and even now) i know eunwoo had a lot of personal schedules and he barely had time to practice? ?? i really dont know but im p sure that was it???? idk but dongmin has had to work so hard the whole of last year with the amount of comebacks astro did and i jus??? im so proud of eunwoo for being able to work hard for astro and still attend all those other schedules at the same time??? like i said idk how much time he did have/didnt have but i know it mustve been little with how late it would be whenever he arrived back at the dorm after his stuff and??? eunwoo had to practice his lines and the dance (astro’s choreography looks hard as shit and its tiring too) in time for their comeback promotions ??? and!! dongmin used to be that member (now its all of astro) who would constantly do vlives for arohas and lets not forget his just one 10 minutes where he would do vlives that were always over 10 minutes where he just talks to fans im eternally grateful for all the work dongmin puts in for astro and arohas and im sure he puts in more than 100% effort when it comes to his personal schedules too!!!! dongmin deserves the best and ive seen someone say b4 that he’d probably feel bad if he had more lines bc he was already “stealing” the spotlight by being a “face genius” and i just!! youre righ??t???? eunwoo is incredibly selfless and its easy 2 assume these kinda things tbh lee dongmin is so much more than his face and visuals he is a hardworker and!!! he loves his members and fans so damn much im !!! i love eunwoo so much i hope he knows how much we love him

binnie; god with bin there isnt somethiing that made me love him??? all he did was go :) and my brain decided i was gonna love him forever ok but……hrm….. i guess i love him because hes such a dork?? like. .. when he laughs he just snorts and its so funny lmao i believe bin’s a good friend too well no shit ?? uMMm moon bin has a cute smile yall…… whenever he smiles my heart explodes hes just that powerful and also!!! bin has been a trainee for 7 years now and im just !! he made it!! like what the post i reblogged earlier said, he probably had other dreams but he still stuck with being an idol ??? in the end and that !!! im sad he didnt get to pursue the things he couldve liked better but im also happy hes managed to find a dream he likes and that hes basically living the dream right now??? and im so happy for him because 7 years may not be a lot to some but bin’s still young his childhood was basically training??? im just!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of him and now hes on the same kind of music shows his faves are on too nd it makes me rly proud (idk any other words my vocabulary is so fucking weak oh my god) he is having the time of his life with astro and arohas right now im so glad i forgot what i wanted 2 say im sorry bin i did u dirty im2 tense rn but i love u and i love bin bc of how much hes done and the amt of scarifies he has 2 have made in order 2 get 2 where he is tdy

rocky swag (minhyuk); minhyuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love him because !! hes so awkward but he tries his best for arohas!!!!!!!!!! in that first vlive he did alone he was so nervous but he managed to warm up and in the next vlive he did alone he did something that he was comfortable with (dance) and im glad he’s able to do vlives normally now even if there isnt any recent solo vlives i can see how much more comfortable he is on vlive now !!!!!! my love for minhyuk is similar to bin’s bc all he did was smile and suddenly????? im in love???? its the swag lmao but seriousy tho after finding out rocky did all sorts of dance i found him really??? respectable??? because he was able to learn so many types of dance and isnt that the coolest thing ever???? lets not forget how well he can sing???? im happy and so proud (jesus) that he sang on the recent album since previously he said that he didnt hvae any plans of singing in the albums so!!!! now!! hes singing!!!!!!!!!!! although the songs dont do him justice tbh its ok we all know how lovely he sounds when he sings especially in the binuki vlive where he sang wyls i swer my ear drums were blessed?? park minhyuk can do anything get urself a legend like rocky so basiclaly i love rocky aka park minhyuk bc hes just!!!!! outstanding???? hes handsome, he can dance really fucking well, he can sing and rap !!!!!!!!!!!!! and?? hes just a fool??? he’s warming up to doing vlives and just being himself and its the greatest thing ever i love him a lot

sanha; YOON SANHA!!!!!!!!! Love of my LIFE the baby i will protect for the rest of my LIFe??????? he is DAT boi .. the boy i love so much with my whole heart!! sanha is so cute and he just!! hes always making fun and bullying the older members i love it so much but ofc everyones weak 4 sanha bc b*tch is 2 cute honestly can relate if sanha punched or stole my money ill let him off bc hes just that cute . lets not forget he learnt how 2 play the guitar all by himslef jae is shaking ok and sanha is such a nice voice?????? every time he screams i lose my hearing its ok id do anything 4 this boy???? and to think hes only (1) year older than me is kinda??? wowie???? sanha is rly out here being a superstar and a student @ the same time and hes doing an awesome job @ being amazing !!! sanha is so cute and just?????? he loves his other members and family so much i love sanha a lot and i hope nobody will ever make him cry (sad tears) bc i will personally go to that person and we’ll have a nice chat :-) i cant think of anything atm but sh loves arohas so much and hes always doing aegyo 4 us idk its just . … thakn u young prince

You Smile: name three things that have made you smile in the past week

ok easy

mx comeback

daily astro vlives (its okay if they dont do vlives everyday they have 2 rESt)

becoming friends with lovely mbbs :_)

with you: talk about a mutual without using their name

how long is this answer gonna be oh w0rm.. but here we go this is abt someone who ive never talked about but do talk 2 p often and theyre the other online person i am most comfortable with talking 2!!!!!

theyre great tbh and rly good @ art and i know theyve gone through so many shit things in their life but im so glad theyre still hanging on even if their sleep schedule is totally wack still love u tho lmao at least theyre getting more than enough sleep!! theyre cute when they see sanha and it makes me soft seeing them go soft bc theyre never that warm??? when it comes 2 other ppl (kihyun crying) and im just so glad i managed to help them get (further) into astro!! being able to talk to somebody about astro has helped me so much and then i became friends with jen but im still so thankful to have a friend like [redacted] and im happy we’re friends!!!!!!!! i love them so much and i hope their days are filled with happiness even if it doesnt last for long i hope they have at least (1) happy time each day bc they deserve the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

even when i was still a young myday they helped me by providing links and everything just telling me where everything was and i was so :_) bc!!! they !! a bigger account was helping me someone who didnt even have 20 followers at that time and without them i wouldve never found anything tbh!!! even now when im the one whos been into astro longer, they still manage to find things so much faster than me and imlike?????? wow thats amaizng???? theyre amazing and i appreciate their presence on my tl/dash and in my dms so much thats one of the reasons why i thought they were older bc of how mature and just?? the older vibe they gave off was strong with they way they help people and whenever they comment on my tweets or someone else’s tweets im like !!!!!!!!! you’re doing amazing sweetie

theyre so easy to talk to and even though our humor was something i thought was very different we manage to make each other laugh so much and i jsut!!! happiness!!!!!!!

ok this was abt bell and i dnt think they’ll ever see this but if u do i love u a lot bell thank u for being alive ur so funnie and cute just thank u so mch!!! for everything

better with you: your favourite memory related to astro?

every time i watch them on vlive live i get so happy and thats my favourite memory

#once again if u read all of these thank u so much have a lovely day!!!!!#softshouyous #asks

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