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it really be the people in your own race that piss you off the most
#which i suppose makes sense bc ya know like you live with the race constantly bc#family and some extent friends#like i am not ashamed of being black or whatever but it's always the people in your own race that make you wanna bash you're head against#a solid brick wall like CMON CAN WE PLEASEEE be better than this#rant incomingggggg#but the colorist bs in the black community is so goddamn frustrating#this idea that you have to be an ideal black person to be considered black which is already based on stereotypes and idk why other black#people can't see that through their THICK SKULLS#but this idea that if you don't do traditionally black things then you are not black enough#like oH MY GOD the fucking backlash and discourse i got from just listening to kpop#and how for the goddamn longest time my mom and family would antagonize my sister for dating and eventually marrying#a man who wasn't black like for fucks sakeeee#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE TOXIC MASCULINITY IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY HOLY FRICKING FUCK#bc for example if a black man dates outside his race it's considered like amazing you go dude blah blah#but if a black woman does it she is shamed to no fucking end for it#bc everyone around her is being like Oh wHY DoNt YoU DAte BlAcK MeN#and will get heckled for it#i quite literally cannot date a black guy bc i've been treated like shit for not fitting their black woman ideals and it's goddamn#demotivating frustrating and upsetting#like i would never be considered black excellence or whatever bc i don't have these traditional black interests or whatever#not to mention this colorist bs where if you're not dark enough you're not black enough#yes i am salty before i go to bed bc#it's literally it makes me want to scream from a rooftop#bc even me saying this makes black people pissed off ESP the toxic masculinity and misogyny part bc there's like this weird babying culture#for black men that exists bc they can't do any wrong in the community#A PERFECT FUCKING EXAMPLE#TORY LANEZ#how black men immediately rushed to him and put distrust towards meghan is FUCKING APPALLING#that exactlee highlights my point#anyway goodnight stan heeseung
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more about og tue timeline twins danny and dan/jamie
very touchy with each other. you might even say. ccclingy. its to be expected, they're two halves of a whole after all and all they've got of each other. worryingly co-dependent. do not separate. ever.
Danny was really weak and sick after the initial separation, and was for a while after. Jamie knew internally that if Danny died, he'd take the whole world with it. He was the one sole caretaker for him while he got better -- not for lack of trying on Vlad's part, but without his ghost powers he was nothing more than a feeble (albeit handsomely rich) man, and James looked ready to bite his head off if he got within ten feet of either of them.
Vlad is intimately aware that James (or Danny, if he tried) could snap his spine in half like a twig, and is uncomfortably aware of his own lack of ghost half now. It makes him feel self-conscious and exposed, so he never fully returns back to "cocky and self-assured billionaire Vlad Masters". Making deals with other brands feels a lot harder now that he can no longer possess them anymore.
Speaking of, he very quickly has to come up with a cover story as to why there's now a James Daniel Fenton to the public, when no records whatsoever of him existing existed prior. Lots of forging false government documents on his end. James and Danny do not help because it's his fault this happened in the first place.
(Regardless of whether or not Danny actually willingly chose to rip out his ghost half/humanity in canon is true, or if that was Vlad Masters speaking out of his ass, a large part of the blame still falls on Masters.)
(As his primary caretaker and guardian, it's his responsibility to ensure the health and safety of his charge, and since Danny was in clear emotional duress at the time, it can be argued that he was not in the mental state to make such a decision. And, allegedly, couldn't do it on his own which is why he asked Vlad for help.)
I chose "James" as Dan's name since it's a popular fanon middle name for Danny, and since he's half of Danny, it felt like it just made sense lol. Also because of the ensuing comedy of the two of them introducing themselves as "James Daniel Fenton" and "Daniel James Fenton". It's got the same energy as "danny with a y" and "danny with an i" and it's the exact kind of name bullshit you expect parents to give their twins.
I don't have their exact personalities down, but something I am actively writing into this au's bible is that I think Danny should be the quiet and (ig technically) meaner one. There's a lot to go into about interpretations for ghosts, halfas, and the incident itself, but TL:DW; Danny is technically soulless, or at the very least missing half of his soul (altho Jamie is too just in a different direction).
Pair that with the trauma of losing his family in front of him + having his ghost half ripped out + all the trauma he would've sustained as a hero, and he's not doing too hot mentally! i think if the twins met good timeline!Danny, Danny would've mistaken Danny for Dan and Jamie for the original half.
He comes off to others as pretty apathetic and indifferent to a borderline terrifyingly calm degree. He doesn't go out of his way to insult people, but he also doesn't care enough to consider the other party's feelings so he doesn't filter himself, which makes him come off as rude. The only times he looks truly comfortable is when he's near Jamie or talking to him.
His standoffish, ice prince demeanor makes Jamie look like a saint in comparison. When really he's not all that much better? He's more outwardly emotional than Danny, whether that be positive or negative, but at the end of the day he doesn't trust or care about anyone else any more than Danny does, and he's got a bit of a sadistic streak. Danny reigns him in when he starts becoming too destructive.
(Which I think makes sense. Danny asked Vlad to rip out his ghost half specifically so he could stop feeling his human emotions. Dan, despite his monotone voice, does exhibit emotions. He's smug when he asks Valerie if he likes his ghostly wail, sardonic when he reunites with Sam and Tucker, annoyed, shocked at Danny's ghostly wail, etc. He enjoys wreaking destruction and chaos.)
(If Danny had survived his encounter with Dan and if Vlad was successful, then I imagine he'd be rather apathetic to his other half as a whole. That'd be interesting.)
Overall though they're both hurt, bitter, and distrustful of the world around them, with abandonment issues a mile wide. They can get better and they can heal, but it takes time and patience and proper support.
On the DPxDC side of things, they do genuinely hold some kind of respect or regard for Bruce. They also don't become vigilantes for a while. Neither of them are jumping at the bit to enter heroism again, not when it was heroism that killed their family in the first place.
In fact when they find out Bruce = Batman they think he's foolish for it. They think its a fool's errand, and they've been so spurned by their time as Phantom that for a few weeks, Jamie even refused to call Bruce anything but Sisyphus. Danny called him Tantalus, and the two of them had a faux-argument about which one was more accurate.
Bruce does, though, worm his way into both of their hearts, and that's like, the main reason they become vigilantes to join him. So that they could keep him safe and not because of any desire to return to the heroic life. Relearning to care and finding satisfaction in helping others was an unintentional side effect.
(Bruce is so very smug)
Essentially:
The Twins: this is our squishy and fragile adoptive father. If anything happened to him, we're becoming mass extinction events.
Bruce: Nnno.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danny phantom#the twins au#dan phantom#batman and his no-good terrifying little bodyguards. they're both like 5'2 and weigh 90lbs soaking wet and are capable of great violence#he can scruff them both with both hands. they're like two wet cats.#bruce: these are my children Daniel and James | the twins: *emanating little orphan tom riddle energy from behind him*#danny can experience emotions btw they're just dulled(??) to an extent. he doesn't feel them as intensely as Jamie does. in some cases#he knows he should be feeling SOME kind of emotion he just doesn't. being around Jamie helps amplify them. some kind of feedback thing#Jamie is a mischief maker. enjoys wreaking subtle chaos on other people especially people of his ire. laughs at other's misfortune.#neither of them are all that sympathetic when bruce takes them in. but they dO like. like~ him when he does. in some way. they prefer him#over vlad at least. by the time they become vigilantes they genuinely care about him. if not as family then at the very least as a friend.#which means. congrats bruce! you've unlocked the [ viciously protective sons ] perk! have fun with your mini ragnaroks :)#cannot express enough that the twins DO like and respect bruce. there's a genuine care and mutual friendship/relationship there.#yeah they dont need bruce's permission (technically) to be vigilantes but with the way they're set up why WOULD they lmao.#they have no incentive to return to the hero life and in fact comma have the incentive to do the exact opposite and avoid it.#so i give them believable incentive >:]#batdad aus go brrrrrrrr#referring to dan as a 'mass extinction event' is my new favorite way to refer to him <33 bc its technically true
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At last, the updated ref post of the man who starte it all. I'm so glad me and the gang made a whole little funger cast, I'm enjoying John much more now that he has other people to hunt down interact with :]
Character story
The silent Bohemian night reigns with an underlying uneasiness to it. You can't help but feel as if something sinister lurks in the horizon, just beyond where your eyes can reach..
In an attempt to ignore the chill underneath your skin, you reminisce about what has led you to this point in life…
For your childhood and teenage years you worked in a large factory alongside many other children, the smoke of the machinery and cluttered atmosphere made you yearn for nature, running off to the woods in the middle of the night to marvel at its beauty under the comforting glow of the moon.
You admired the animals that made up its ecosystem, perhaps what you wanted was to be like them; living under Vinushka’s domain free from the shackles of society, hunting to survive…
It was a fun activity and you had a real knack for it, your boss would even give you some extra shillings for hunting down the pests that lurked in the shadows of the factory. But what enticed you wasn't the money but the thrill of the hunt, soon enough you became more and more convinced that this was what you were put on this earth to do.
You had a couple friends in the facility, four boys around your age that had each other's back through thick and thin. When you came of age you suggested to them the idea of robbing the boss’s office and escaping with the money in search of a brand new life. While some were skeptical, the heist was ultimately a success and you all embarked on the first train to Rondon, feeling the breeze against your long hair, you had the feeling your life was finally going to begin.
Of course, that money couldn't keep you all afloat forever, but you had a plan. It was time to finally dedicate your time into doing what you loved the most…
Buy a rifle (Gain gun proficiency, Gain Rifle .303 Mk I and ×6 .303 Ammo)
Buy a trench gun (Gain gun proficiency, 12-gauge Trench gun and ×6 12-gauge shells)
After much consideration you and the boys decided to put the money at hand into buying yourselves an old shack in the woods alongside the essentials and the remainder of the shillings was spent into tools to aid in your survival. While your friends went on to work on lumber, you opted for the path of a hunter.
You had a natural proficiency with firearms and the joy of the hunt made you feel as if you were exactly where you should be. The boys would spend the day chopping down trees and attempting to sell the wood in the city while you skinned and butchered the fruits of your labor, the meat became your everyday meals while the pelts were sold at a high price around the marketplace.
After a while your friends slowly switched gears as they asked you to teach them your ways, soon enough you became a fierce group of hunters and the income increased significantly. You had never thought of how fun it was to share your passion with the people you loved, surrounded by your closest friends, the hunt became even more glorious.
With financial stability being no longer an issue, you decided to dedicate your time into upgrading your hunting skills…
Learning more about traps (Gain trapcraft)
You went on to learn about tools that could aid in your hunts, traps that could hinder wild beasts much stronger than any man. Allowing you to aim for much more fearsome creatures than you could have only dream of shooting down.
That spring, you hunted down a bear and your best friend made a beautiful head mount out of the mighty beast.
Learning more about firearms (Gain gunslinger)
You studied your trusty weapon from top to bottom. Not only were you able to fix you and your friend's guns whenever they started malfunctioning but also became a much more fearsome hunter, capable of reloading a barrel in a matter of seconds and shooting down even the most wary of animals without making your presence known.
You began bringing a lot more kills back with you from the hunts.
Over time the small shack was revamped into a large cottage, decorated with head mounts and fur carpet, beautiful prizes from your many hunts. The place was cozy and full of life, a home that soon welcomed your best friend's wife and child. A healthy little boy you swore to care for as if you were family, an honorary uncle of sorts.
Joyful years went by before tragedy swooped in and steadily took away everything you treasured. Misery began during a hunt where you were far too cocky, underestimating the strength of the prey which led to your stomach being pierced by the startled deer’s antlers. Your injuries left you bedridden and far too injured to be drafted when the great war began.
A terrible curse disguised as a blessing as you watched your dear friends march to war, you hoped and prayed that their skills would be enough to keep them alive in the battlefield, but as the conflict worsened each and every single one of them returned to you in a wooden coffin.
You tried to remain strong for your late friend’s little boy, you brought him to the woods and taught him how to hunt just as you did for his father, but soon that spark of happiness was ripped from your grasp as well. His grieving mother figured the best for them would be to move away and start over. You loathe that woman for taking away the only thing you had left of your beloved friend, but you didn't blame her.
You gifted the boy his father's rifle and waved goodbye to them from the station before returning to the mausoleum you could no longer call home.
Haunted by the loss of the only people you ever cared for, you searched for ways to drown out the sound of your sorrows…
Leave the cottage (Gain bury the trauma)
With the savings you had in hand you decided to travel around the country to try getting your mind away from the pain, you visited museums, chapels, libraries and all kinds of tourist locations yet the source of your suffering never left your mind.
You longed to return home, but home was no longer the place you held fond memories of. A depressing shadow of what it once was, much like yourself.
Focus on the hunt (Gain killing intent)
You intended to silence the painful reminders with the sound of gunshots in the distance. Grief turned into anger you took out on the habitants of the forest, the carnage reigned long enough for the animals to begin avoiding you. The hunt was no longer fun, the woods became just as empty as the cottage that brought you so much pain.
At the end of the day, nothing worked. Your heart swelled in a constant burning pain fueled by the emptiness of the cottage and the memories of what it once was that haunted your every step. With no one by your side, you turned to religion in a last ditch effort to cope with all the loss you had suffered. Although you thrived in Vinushka's domain, you were drawn to the writings about the trickster moon good like a moth to a flame.
You swiftly became obsessed with the mysteries surrounding the old god's doings and dedicated all your time into devoting yourself to him, in the dead of the night, you prayed for guidance under his glistening light. To be given a new purpose in life, reborn under his gaze for something much greater.
Eventually, Rher answered your desperate calls. You were blessed with a vivid dream, a glimpse into his jubilee of cosmic proportions. Termina will soon be upon that wretched old town and you would not miss your chance of appeasing your beloved deity.
With a new hunt on the horizon, how did you prepare?
Pray to the moon god (Gain +3 Rher affinity)
Stock up on medical goods (Gain ×2 blue vial and cloth fragments)
Stock up on food (Gain ×2 dried meat and moldy bread)
You settled on the place your dream led you to, the rooms of the old hotel were small and tainted with the stench of mold, but none of that matters.
You're here, and soon will his servants, blessings and the god of the moon himself. It was challenging to fall asleep with all the excitement pumping through your veins…
Character skills
#Important thing about John is that he want always an insane hunter obsessed with the sentient moon#he was a good man who loved his found family and his hobbies#he was even a good father figure for his late friend's kid during the time he stayed there with his mom#but tragedy came and he was left completely alone with no support system or idea of how to cope#and so became obsessed with rher since he used religion as a way to cope with the loss#all the funger gods are fucked up in some level so hm. not the greatest idea#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#fear and hunger oc#termina oc#termina 1st round#John Eberwein#others ocs#Matyas Jezek#other dude who knew the festival was coming to some extent#hyena scribbles
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Watching Stampede with my family made me realize how genuinely insane I have turned thanks to it
Like wow the actual physical EFFORT it took me to not randomly start explaining the composition of a scene, the color choice, the framing, the voice directing and the choreographies of certain scenes, as well as some of the lore behind it I should not explain because spoilers.
No, sorry. I lied on my résumé . I can’t like anything a normal amount. I’ve liked this for less than 4 months and I’m very deep into the trenches. And it will unfortunately become everyone else’s problem as well, because this one will stick around for a long time.
#being a lil mentally ill again guys#that’s right. finally managed to make the third rewatch with my binge watcher family in one night#I call it having fun at the expense of my mental integrity#to be fair Trigun is *gestures the air* right there for me to delve into deep analysis for no real reason#other than I’m obsessed with media that explores morally and ethically challenging topics#and the cool ass designs and badass weapons and super great characters#and I mean Trigun is just made to be loved tbh head full or head empty is so enjoyable either way and I think that’s a great charm it has#though at one point itll force you to THINK and I LOVE THAT#I want to scream with someone about Trigun and I do with my friends but it’s not the same when they haven’t watched it yet#and since I’m that.one.friend that looks to much into it because HAHA STORY CREATOR BUT#yeah. I want to talk about Trigun so bad…it’s…it’s a little embarrassing. but I obviously don’t fucking care the enough#because if I did that one person I didn’t know wouldn’t have said the ‘ah the Trigun girl’#somehow I became a synonymous to it. and I couldn’t be prouder.#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#lenssi rambles#trigun maximum#in my defense. I have adhd. which doesn’t really make up for much but at least it explains some extent of it
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i'm so curious: what's your favorite thing you've written? something that makes you nod and go, "yeah, that's it right there. i did that." just the best combination of words you've ever churned out in your personal opinion. it makes you proud just Thinking about it. could be a sentence, a paragraph, etc.
very cute ask anon, thank you. im going to assume for your benefit that you mean specifically my icemav writing—obviously I write outside of top gun and am very proud of that stuff but it wouldn’t make sense out of context.
There’s a lot of more recent stuff that I’m extremely extremely proud of on a technical level, but I’m prouder of this paragraph below on a deeper more existential level.
This paragraph was one of the first parts of WWGATTAI i ever wrote—august 12, i think, well before I had fully realized the characters’ voices or their attitudes towards life/each other; I only had about 5k written of what is now a 300k+ project (at the time of writing this paragraph i wanted it to be 10k max) and had no real outline, didn’t know who or what I was dealing with, hadnt seen TGM in two months, had done no research (so it’s not at all politically/militarily accurate or anything, why the FUCK is ice going to fucking GUAM)—and STILL this wound up being my favorite paragraph in the entire fucking series. not to suck my own dick or anything. I’m STILL so proud of this paragraph, 9 months and 275k+ words later, even though i Absolutely Would Not write it this way now.
#narrative distance both incredibly close and incredibly far#he’s trying to rationalize this whole situation and by extent the whole plot of his life#we’re inside his head as he tries to convince both Pete and himself of this huge huge lie#which is that leaving (right after he fucked their relationship and their best friend just died) is worth it for the navy’s sake#and it will make him a good man#in the masculine strong man leadership sense#and Pete (first name instead of last name; über vulnerable in the worst way because he’s crying yet doesn’t want to be seen crying)#counters all of this lie with—does it? does it really mean you’re a good man? it means you’re the weakest most subservient man i know#bending over backwards for the navy instead of your FAMILY#yeah i would absolutely not write this paragraph this way NOW but i am still so proud of what it represents in the story#& the very experimental 2nd person without quotation marks is i think done very well#at least for august 2022 me#some wording/phrasing/detail issues but other than that—a great paragraph!#again not to suck my own dick but you asked!#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#edts notes#asks#this is a terrible chapter in aggregate but it has some of the best diamond-in-the-rough moments in the whole series#ughhh the Pete this has nothing to do with Afghanistan; pete this has nothing to do with iraq etc line…. SOO good omg i love it sorry
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housemate is watching hxh atm and im legit mad about his killua takes
#like i KNOW hes near the start#and the extent of the abuse killua has gone thru is not fully apparent yet#but we just watched that first confrontation with illumi#and hes like 'why didnt killua just fight illumi? he could win'#WHAT ABOUT THAT INTERACTION MADE IT SEEM LIKE KILLUA WOULD WIN THAT FIGHT#'um i havent seem illumi DO anything yet so idk how strong he is'#HIS DEEPLY MALEVOLENT ENERGY DIDNT GIVE U A HINT???? THE GLOWING PURPLE AURA THAT WEVE SEEN ON HISOKA????????#KILLUA IS LITERALLY FROZEN IN FEAR OF HIM#THEY WENT THRU THE SAME ASSASSIN TRAINING#SO ILLUMI WOULD CLEARLY BE AT LEAST ON PAR WITH HIM#EXCEPT HES OLDER#AND KILLUA IS SO AFRAID OF HIM THAT HES JUST STANDING THERE TREMBLING#AS ILLUMI IS LIKE 'you have the soul of a killer and will never have friends bc you are not meant to have friends you are not ALLOWED'#'in fact i may as well go and murder your one 'friend' right now'#'i might even kill everyone in this room and then go kill gon'#and killua obviously believes illumi can and would do that!!!!#WEIRD ITS ALMOST LIKE THIS 12 YEAR OLD ASSASSIN HAS BEEN CONDITIONED IN SOME WAY#PERHAPS BY A DEEPLY VIOLENT AND CRUEL ABUSIVE FAMILY#MAYBE EVEN IF HE COULD DEFEAT ILLUMI IN A FIGHT HE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO BRING HIMSELF TO START ONE#DUE TO DEEPLY INGRAINED FEAR#zero media literacy holy shit#'killuas such a little shit' he is but ill kill u#secondlastlife
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when deirdre maguire said ‘punk is the only religion worth fighting for’
#yeah!#derry girls#actually thought about this when i was studying today#the punk scene in ni is soo interesting to me#and how derry girls fits into art created about the troubles#because the vast majority of media about them has focused on the violence and political 'struggles'. and understandably so#but both derry girls and the undertones focused on teenager's lives . with the troubles on the periphery#teenage kicks is about the life of one teenager who fancies a girl basically#and derry girls is about a group of teenagers who struggle with ordinary things about being a teenager like school parents and crushes#and both the undertones in the 70s and derry girls today showed the rest of the uk/ireland (and further afield) that ni is more than just#violence and sectarianism. and that the people (esp teenagers) here are just like people and teenagers everywhere#which was a BIG deal in the 70s and honestly kind of a big deal now too when you think about english ignorance about ni lol#(one commentator on a guardian review of derry girls said that it hadnt occurred to him when he was growing up that catholics in ni were#just ordinary people just like him and his friends and family. which kinda shows the extent to which propaganda regarding ni functioned in#britain during the troubles - and still today in some ways)#it also feels significant that both derry girls and the undertones were created by working class catholics from derry but maintaining#a non sectarian aspect is also important - the point is that they both portrayed the realities of being a teenager which crossed religious#and political barriers. i could write a whole essay on this honestly#kinda moved on from the punk scene aspect hmmm in ep 3x05 of derry girls stiff little finger's 'alternative ulster' was played#which calls on the listener to 'grab it and change it - it's yours' to show that ordinary people - esp teenagers - have the power to create#a better society and a better life and a better ulster. and in 3x07 that's exactly what they did.
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me: oh i gotta finish my novella and work more on my pmd fic and world and also work on that wc rewrite loose outline and oh i wanna get back to my sonic one eventually
also me: omg what if i made an anthro pokemon world based on the main series but the main gym leaders and protags are all replaced by their pokemon (not to be confused with pmd, this is just the main series but the humans are gone)
#sorry man. im an anomaly it is impossible for me to get attached to the trainers#i like some of them obviously like the harmonia siblings do still infect my brain and bws the one game im consistently invested in#but if you ask me my favorite johto gym leader i will never have anything deeper to say than ‘’uh. idk bugsys kinda neat’’#that being said wow its gonna be harddd to adapt some of these games if i do this#black and white in particular cause that games conflict hinges on the dynamic between humans and pokemon#maybe i wont do all the games#ill admit im totally inspired by eeveelution family fjdjdkd i really wanna make pokemon anthro ocs#just not sure where to start#wait no i kinda do. i wanna do something with my paldea team#adeleine the grafaiai with her best friend. the robotic lizard that crashed on her#theyre also yuri probably#echoed voice#idk i think some of the games would be interesting to adapt. i like adaptation i think the process is fascinating#cause with a massive change like this you HAVE to change the characters and their dynamics to an extent#like maxie vs archie cant just be copy and pasted into here i think. cause its no longer just conflicting types of environmental terrorism#i mean it still is but like. ‘’archie’’ would likely be a water type who lives in the sea and maxie would be in tune with the earth#theres less separation between the things theyre fighting for
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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Not to be a jingfu on main, but it's so cute that Jing Yuan thought of Fu Xuan with those jelly beans
#me: the Xianzhou characters are all just coworkers#also me whenever anyone is shown to be fond and have intimate knowledge of some other character: awwww#Like Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan playing starchess and teasing each other or making a reference to things they like#or Jing Yuan talking about young Yukong#Quingque apparently disliking Fu Xuan but obviously that not being the case‚ knowing what she likes and how she thinks#Fu Xuan hiding that she has a sweet tooth but Jing Yuan and Quingque knowing it and teasing her for it#I don't know. There are a lot of instances of these small intimate details in the middle of what looks like a coworker relationship#Good coworkers‚ but coworkers nonetheless#And ironically it moves me so much? Even more so than Belobog. I've been told several times that Belobog seemed more tight. And I agree#In Belobog people were friends or family or companions but linked by something closer than mere coworkers with Wildfire#Even Sampo in the Underworld was strangely 'theirs'. He had the magenta colour of Wildfire and he was trusted to some extent#The Luofu characters don't have that. And yet the fragments of intimacy scattered through their interactions move me a lot#These are people who have known each other for centuries. Jing Yuan knows of Yukong's youth‚ its joy and grief#He knows Fu Xuan has a sweet tooth and teases her about her height. Quingque does too#Fu Xuan chastises both of them for being lazy but she knows they're smart and good at their job. She plays starchess with Jing Yuan#Quingque mocks Fu Xuan for being a workaholic but is very aware of the weight she carries both in her position and ideas about destiny#I won't mention Yanqing and Bailu because there is obviously more than a coworker bound when it comes to them#But yes I love the moments of intimate knowledge scattered through the Xianzhou‚ so telling of the fact that these people have known#each other for longer than several human lifetimes‚ and that perhaps they don't necessarily regard each other as more than their coworker#But perhaps that's enough in order for them to care. Perhaps in a lifetime over one thousand years the intimacy gained with a coworker#through several centuries is something beyond what we could understand in our decades lifespan#But also‚ perhaps‚ I don't know. Also‚ perhaps‚ the do care beyond coworkers in that strange line between work and friendship#Perhaps it's strange for Xianzhou natives to tell apart that kind of relationship after so much intimacy and knowledge through the years#And perhaps‚ once again‚ as it often happens for them‚ they think they'll always have enough time to tell; until they run out of it#They play chess together. Quingque can lose time because Fu Xuan can't stay mad if she brings her sweets. Are they just coworkers?#We play chess. I know what tea and sweets you like best. I brought them today since you would indulge me and play starchess with me#Thanks for playing with me‚ I'm running out of book puzzles. You keep divining my moves but I'll invent a fake story to distract you#Are we coworkers or something more like friends? Where is the line after so many years?#I talk too much but I love this charged nothingness haha I find it ironically so true to how many relationships in real life develop#And I find it so moving‚ that representation of this endearing smallness of everyday life. Of these small things is life made
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Tuvok is no doubt the best off amongst the main crew when it comes to his life post-Voyager. His wife and children are still there, he won’t have any personally complicated feelings to sort out about Starfleet (other than its treatment of the Maquis he served with and Seven of Nine but again he seems to be very loyal to Starfleet as a baseline and generally willing to give them the benefit of the doubt) and he’s got that Vulcan emotional control. However, I do wonder what being seen as the one who’s got it all together would have on him. I can easily imagine other members of Voyager’s crew casually asserting that Tuvok is doing well, better, the best compared to all of them. He’s got nothing to complain about, does he? Now that his illness has been cured. I can imagine this was also the case on Voyager. Tuvok’s gonna be fine in the end, he’s Vulcan and he never seems to be affected by all the weird and disturbing shit that happens to us. Tuvok himself likely adds to this perception of himself because I imagine it’s easier to lean into the idea that you’re above any potential damage you might’ve sustained when there’s so much of it. If you assert hard enough that you’re fine, you’re mature, you’re Vulcan, and everyone around you seems to affirm that then maybe you don’t have to work through everything. Especially when there’s so much, more than you’ve ever experienced in your life, and time is so limited.
Vulcans have very volatile emotions and have to process them carefully in order to function. I can’t imagine that Voyager, the horrorship with ten disasters a day, (all of which concern you as its inhabitant and security officer) is conducive to being able to completely internalize and accept your emotions especially when you’ve just lost essentially your entire support network (immediately after being undercover) and are surrounded by aliens who you’re not allowed (culturally and also because you’re sort of stubborn and reclusive) to be fully honest with and lean on for that support. (It would be a weakness, you might think. Not for them, they’re humans but you are not human. You can handle things on your own.) It’s just you and you alone really. No one to turn to, no one who you think might understand and help you the (Vulcan) way you need. But also again I don’t think Tuvok would dwell on this much on Voyager because there’s nothing he can change about it so it’d be illogical and very unhelpful. Also because the idea that he’s unaffected is ‘good’ for him (better than the alternative which wounds his self-image and also to an extent ship morale <- latter is somewhat of an excuse, in his nightmares he can hear people gossiping that even the Vulcan’s losing it.) and his general personality is one that is obviously prideful to the point of others calling him arrogant or holier-than-thou. Tuvok would definitely take being seen as unfaltering and unflappable (undamaged) to anything else. Anything less. He can do a bit of unintentional self-mythologizing as a treat instead of therapy. It would help him feel like he’s still himself, still Vulcan, still whole. However, when he’s back in the alpha quadrant and amongst other Vulcans, people who are allowed to and do know him intimately (or even strangers who are just the same species as him and thus are not encumbered by preconceived alien notions of Vulcans) I bet this facade of being unaffected by everything would come crumbling down fairly quickly.
#Tuvok meeting any member of Starfleet to get a quick fix of 'Tuvok you're so damn lucky your life's perfect and you're doing great'#before going home to his family who all say 'Tuvok you're so damn stubborn please get help we can see clear as day you're doing terribly'#you might say that 'ship morale' is positioning Tuvok as more important than he actually is to the average crewman#which is true but also I can imagine Tuvok having a bit of a self-importance thing - it's a trait he and Janeway share and it becomes#exacerbated in the delta quadrant where they really are to some extent INCREDIBLY important#People tell T'Pel she's lucky she & Tuvok are Vulcan so they're pretty much fine and she sort of looks away and slowly says...mm.......#st voyager#Tuvok#STARFLEET?? I meant Voyager#one day Janeway & Tuvok are gonna turn on each other#'once loyal enabler betrays friend by suggesting therapy' style
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My strength to you, my followers with stuffing kinks who have to be normal this thanksgiving. May no one catch you stealing glances at tight shirts pulled over full tummies. I believe in you!
#not bellies#this is 100% joking but also damn if you do a friendsgiving and all of your friends are CUTE and eat a lot? RIP#Dunno about anyone else but my kink brain goes to sleep mode automatically at family gatherings and to some extent with friends too#but when you're a pansexual who is friends with attractive people sometimes kink brain still likes to get a cheap shot in#nothing I'd act on or even mention to anyone but sometimes the hot friend you've known since college gets hotter when they're eating a lot
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in ep 7 when arm pete and porsche visit the minor family's house and everyone is vibing and eating at that long dinner table - do we know if that was like an open day type of thing like "join the minor family ❤️ we treat our bodyguards much better" or was it somewhat genuine?
#like obviously they're putting on an act to some extent and they don't give a shit about their bodyguards' lives#as vegas demonstrates so many times HSJSJSJ#but my friend pointed out how hedonistic the whole vibe is and how that contrasts with the main family#and it made me wonder if we know or if people have opinions on this#kinnporsche
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idk if you celebrate but if you do merry christmas my love!! and if you don’t happy holidays <333
aww thank u!! happy holidays 2 u too <3
#ask#i do celebrate xmas but only in the sense of like. family observes it so we always do presents + traditions + stuff#but now i live away from family + in a country where xmas isn't really celebrated to the same extent as it is in the u.s.#so i haven't really done much to get into the xmas spirit and im not really celebrating per se#but i did take a trip w some friends + we're doing secret santa tonight!!#our xmas eve movie was shrek 2 tho lmao
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since im a musical mood now im gonna talk abt zoe murphy bc i have a lot of feelings abt her
#i think part of why zoe loved evan so much is bc she so badly wanted to feel closer to her brother and by loving and being loved by someone#who connor cared enough for to be best friends w/ while he was still alive she could understand him that way. and maybe she could also feel#as if she was being loved by connor through evan. not to mention how the version of connor evan fabricated cared deeply for zoe#and showed a lot of affection towards her. which for someone like zoe whos been completely detached from her brother for so long must mean#So Much. and like. i think its pretty obvious just how ignored and overlooked zoe is by her family and probably also by her peers to a#certain extent. so someone recognizing her and loving all these little parts of her mentioned by evan in iicth would really touch her#and that someone being Connor... i can see why she would be so quick to forgive evan for kissing her out of nowhere#of course i do think that zoe Does love evan himself genuinely bc of what was said in only us and also bc zoe finally has someone of her own#(and that feeling is mutual bc evan pretty much sees zoe as an outlet to project all his desires onto.)#to quote that one abf essay quote ‘u give so much of urself to other ppl but zoe is just for you’#that might not be the exact quote but like. u get the gist. and i think evans genuine affection towards zoe makes her start to feel the same#way abt him. they can allow themselves to be selfish with each other. they’re just For each other no one else#anyway. back to the siblings. i think the whole concept of deh and also everything evan and zoe’s relationship is built on definitely has#like. some Questionable implications abt connor and zoe’s relationship or at least abt zoe’s feelings for connor. and her feelings for evan#-by extension.#i could literally just be spewing nonsense and my take makes no sense but like. it makes sense to Me and it drives me insane#txt
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i never know how good i am at hiding a crush and i’ve always felt like i’m not that good at it and every time i get a new crush it’s always a game of like. how long until someone who isn’t that close to me finds out
#mine#cause obviously my friends know about it pretty quickly#family doesn't count because sometimes i tell them sometimes i don't#but with like. in this case other coworkers i guess but it can be diff groups depending on the context#its like. when will someone find out#i think with this one im doing an ok job at hiding it#i can't really tell obviously but i feel like im capable of acting at least sort of normal around him and disguising it to some extent#but i always panic and overthink and freak out#but also my biggest tell by far is my eyes#when i like someone and they're within view i just want to look at them for as long as i possibly can#i am VERY visual#and when someone i like is nearby i DO just look at them like even if its just peripheral i'm always following them visually#when i clocked out of work i went downstairs to buy some stuff at the little convenience store thing on the fisrt floor#then when i went back up so i could leave out the back door of my job i saw cute coworker in his usual place#and after chatting a little with the coworker who was at the door i turned my gay little eyes to you know who#and watched him for like a large amount of the time that i spent walking away#mainly because i knew only like one other coworker could see me doing it because only one other coworker could see where i was looking#and it was some girl ive never met and everyone else was occupied so i was like ok im just going to stare at him gayly wihle i leave#but if anyone ever decides to watch where my eyes go when he's in the room they could easily guess what's going on#god i want him
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