#falling in love while doing the 5th revision of the book

[xen-xa]

I've seen plenty of writer!Dream fics, but what about editor!Dream?

Dream whose publishing company gives platforms and chances to those who don't usually get them (poc, LGBTQ+, disabled, etc.), who chooses stories that actually have interesting premises and not just looking for what would sell well, who is a master at inspiring even those under the heaviest writer's block. Dream who is described as being the toughest editor to work with but every author who works with him are so utterly grateful for it.

Editor!Dream.

[andruail]

his foreword is genuinely SO cringy to me lmao. he has a page on his personal blog dedicated to both vampires and lord byron too where he says similar things and it's just as embarrassing. he sounds so spiteful and whiny to me because no one is adhering to his particular view of the vampire motif and he clearly has a bone to pick about it aksdkfdkf

i do like that strahd is bisexual and i have no issues with him being a bisexual villain, but i draw the line at him being unable to cultivate meaningful relationships (a tired bisexual stereotype) and needing multiple consorts before discarding others (because he can't just choose one and be satisfied / moves on all the time - another tired bisexual trope). in older editions he never had multiple consorts, it was never his goal to get more consorts etc etc. this is a 5e specific thing that suspiciously aligns with him also being announced as bisexual. anyway originally his goals were: to escape ravenloft, make a sphere of darkness, to get a new identity, to win the love of ireena kolyana, and or to get the sun sword (it depended on the card you got).

for ireena it said:

and yeah ireena's old statblock used to be that she was a 4th level warrior. in the revised house of strahd version, she became a 5th level warrior. ismark for comparison was a 2nd level warrior before becoming a 4th level warrior.

(these are 2e stats and while i don't know how to translate them to 5e, she was at least better off than her 5e counterpart lol)

the genocide is also a 5e thing. someone will correct me if i'm wrong but a clan of dusk elves were introduced to ravenloft in a 4th edition adventure you can find in the dungeon magazine #207. while patrina is still killed for girlbossing too hard because she wanted to be a witch and not a druid (nothing but RESPECT for my queen), there is no genocide. they give her body to strahd and he releases her spirit to haunt lysaga hill as a banshee and extract her revenge as she sees fit on her kin. imo this falls more in line with what book!strahd would do (since that's what the adventure is following and further canonizes i, strahd before tracy makes dogshit decisions in 5th edition). rahadin is strictly 5e - and i feel like he's written to replace alek gwilym - and clearly the genocide is simply there to make 5e strahd so unapologetically evil and unhinged because you can't justify a genocide. i just don't know what possessed hickman to add it when it wasn't there originally. it's so out of place due to the severity of it. it's awful.

if you haven't read i, strahd yet i totally recommend it though. same with the second book the war against azalin, and the short story caretaker! caretaker is in tales of ravenloft.

what is your profile picture lol

I may remember you saying you were a 5e hater of cos, what about it do you hate?

it's solas from dragon age inquisition skfkgfds it's from this post

and yeah there's a lot of things about 5e that i don't like.

first of all i've talked about some things here like how tracy hickman considers himself the academic authority on vampires despite there being no set vampire canon. it is also apparent from his foreword that he considers himself to be the authority on polidori's work the vampyre / his relationship with lord byron. in saying that, he seems to have a weird fixation on lord byron as if the man somehow came back from the dead and has personally gone to his home and fucked his wife. and i know he's used public perceptions (i say public because byron was considered one of the first celebrities of his time) and not academic literature of lord byron to influence 5e strahd.

5e is the first time strahd is introduced as canonically bisexual, however as i talk about in this post he fits the depraved bisexual trope which is not good. it makes him fucking suck as a character.

5e continues to be racist. the way the module treats the vistani continues to be incredibly regressive. van richten and his racist tiger. the vistani continue to emulate racist romani stereotypes. while the revamped version has fixed some of the alignment issues (originally vistani were mostly of evil alignment, and now they are neutral), the module says if you have random vistani npcs, you are encouraged to use the bandit statblock. for barovians, it is the noble statblock. ravenloft has had a long history of racism when it comes to the vistani, but somehow it finds new ways to be racist and dehumanise them. not to mention, tracy hickman on his own website still refers to the vistani with the g slur.

5e nerfed the shit out of ireena. in the original ravenloft, she was a very capable fighter and her stats were better than ismark's. in 5th edition, not so much.

the dusk elves. dusk elves were introduced in 4e. i posted about their 4e information here and made a note about how their appearance now differs in 2016 curse of strahd. which is a nice idea. however i am suspicious about why they are suddenly being annihilated in 5e and if there was any malicious intent behind certain changes considering tracy hickman makes no secret of his religion being reflected in his writing.

i personally don't like the amber temple lmao. i'm just a player but i know a lot of DMs feel the same way. it's a very controversial change from older editions but for me it's just silly. i don't like the idea of the dark powers or these 'dark gods' being something tangible that you can find in a physical place. i want something incomprehensible that comes to you when you're at your weakest point and breaks you even further.

5e strahd just doesn't fit the monster narrative for me. i want a good monster. a compelling monster. a monster that serves as a warning. 5e strahd is not that.

5e cos just isn't gothic horror to me. i want fear and haunting. i want to feel the claustrophobic past and a decaying present. i want terror and dread. if i wanted torture and mass murder and human rights violations i'd play a different campaign lmao

there's probably more but that's all i can think of right now!

[zaprlcorn]

Venus Rx and Fated Relationships

Is it possible you could meet your future spouse during a retrograde? 

A retrograde is when a planet reverses its motion—it moves backwards. Depending on the planet, retrogrades can last anywhere from 30 days to ~6 months. Venus goes retrograde approx every 18 months. Venus is the closest planet to Earth. In a world filled with hopeless romantics and love being the goal of life, when Venus goes retrograde, the effects are felt heavily.

Venus retrograde is a time when we are called to reassess ourselves in terms of “Venusian” things. These “things” revolve around love (internal or external), relationships, values, finances, pleasures, etc.

Because Venus is widely known as the planet of “love” it is no surprise that many people get into relationships when the planet goes retrograde. We’ve heard of exes coming back during Mercury retrograde to get closure (revising communication), but what about going back to people from past lives? Because retrogrades revisit the path a planet was once on, we do the same here on Earth. During this time, many people find themselves in relationships—specifically, “fated” relationships.

At the most basic level, our goal on this Earth is to procreate, carry on our lineage, and achieve happiness in some shape or form. The primary way of life goes: fall in love, have kids, and strengthen our family line. You hear songs about love on the radio, you see it in movies, shows, books, poetry; Love has been an emotion untouched since the beginning of time, so much that the idea of a “soulmate” is popular in pop culture and worldwide. Since astrology has gained popularity over the years, so has the term “twin flame”. A twin flame is essentially the idea that you are the half of somebody else’s soul, resulting in a star crossed lovers tale like Romeo and Juliet (with or without the suicide). In astrology, it has been proven that you can see karmic connections via synastry between two individuals—whether that’s two friends, an employee and boss, or a mother and child. However, in this post, I want to focus on the karmic connection between two people in the romantic aspect.

NOTE: I do NOT condone or support concept of twin flames for many reasons. This post is in no way shape or form about twin flames, saying the persons in this post are twin flames, or saying that you will meet your twin flame during Venus Rx.

Over the years, I have noticed that many people find a long-term partner, or even their spouse during Venus retrograde, in this thread I want to focus on one couple, in particular, that seems to prove the theory to be true:

Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid.

August 9th, 2015

Venus, Uranus, and Jupiter were all trine each other at this time. Indicating an abundance of out of the blue fated connections and relationships.

There’s no denying that Zayn and Gigi are pretty much in “soulmate” territory. Despite breaks and breakups, they’ve amounted a total of 5 years together. Five years ago, when Zayn and Gigi first met, the planet Venus was in retrograde, which Zayn actually mentions in his song cruel:

Venus in converse, you put a spell on me

Converse: a situation, object, or statement that is the reverse of another or corresponds to it but with certain terms transposed.

Zayn and Gigi met at Kylie Jenner’s birthday party, on August 9th, 2015. The song Cruel is about meeting somebody at a party and feeling a spark. Put two and two together.

When looking at Gigi’s chart, Jupiter was transiting her 5th house with a pretty tight conjunction to Venus (3 degrees separation) in the sign of Leo meaning that Venus and Jupiter were in an exact conjunction that Summer.

Leo is ruled by the Sun, the center of our universe, the Sun shines down on humanity and makes everything beautiful. Leo is home to the 5th house.

The 5th house is the house of relationships, sex, children, parties, creativity, and joys. Speaking of Joys—Venus’ joy is in the 5th house, meaning that this is an extremely favourable place for Venus to be (side note, Zayn had a planetary joy transit himself during this time. His moon was transiting his 3rd house and 3H Moon represents the Goddess.) She enjoys being in the 5th house, as she can utilize everything on the table in that room of the house.

Moreover, Jupiter, at the utmost basic level, has to deal with abundance. Jupiter being in the 5th house is favorable because the sign Jupiter rules (Pisces) is the sign Venus is exalted in. That said, Venus conjunct Jupiter in the sign of Leo equals an overflowing abundance of Venusian energy. It should also be noted that Jupiter rules a woman's husband in the birth chart. At this time, Gigi was in a VERY FAVORABLE position to meet her potential spouse. Moreover, when Jupiter crosses one’s 5th house, this indicates that a woman could meet her husband.

“Whenever Jupiter and the lord of 7th house transits the first or ninth house this is more indicative of things like Marriage commitment, deeper and strong relationships. And if Venus or Jupiter itself rule these houses then it is a double significant of relationships.“

Lord of Gigi’s 7H: Mars & Pluto

Mars was transiting her 4H, ready to cross over to her 5th

Pluto was transiting her 9H

“The seventh house represents connecting with others in a physical bonding and 9th house represents long term relationship.”

Now, remember when I said the Moon was transiting Zayn’s third house? The Moon changes signs every 2-2.5 days, so this transit came and went, but it was extremely fitting for the moment. The Moon was in Gemini, the sign of communication.

The 5th house is the house of relationships, sex, children, parties, creativity, and joys.

Where did Zayn and Gigi meet? What happens at parties? 

Venus, Jupiter, and Mercury (Gemini’s planetary ruler) were in a nice conjunction during this time. The Moon was also making a few aspects to Zayn’s natal Moon that day.

Moon in aspect with his Venus in the 1st house (opposite of the seventh house, house of long term relationships) within 1 degree of each other. Venus signifies ones girlfriend or wife in the natal chart.

Moon in aspect with his Jupiter in the 7th house (opposite of first house, house of self and the physical body)

“The ascendant represents the body in the individual of the person who wants the relationship.”

Another thing to note is the planet Uranus. Uranus is an outer planet known for causing upheaval and out-of-the-blue events. During this time, Uranus was transiting Zayn’s 1st house of self. Another thing to consider is his natal 7H Jupiter sextiling Uranus transiting his 1H, which means positive, but abrupt change in relationships. 

“This is a good time to tackle difficult tasks that have caused frustration or limitations in the past.” Venus Rx tends to bring people into your life who you’ve had a “past life” connection with.

Because of Uranus’ influence, Zayn’s life was a bit all over the place, so he found himself in a more adventurous state. Because his 11H (the 11H is responsible for social circles) Sun and transiting 1H Uranus were in a square aspect within 2 degrees, That said, Zayn was meeting new people and doing new things with said new people.

We got such a spiritual connection...

Zayn and Gigi are a great example of proving Venus Rx to be a time for cuffing szn. Despite having breaks and breakups, they’ve always found their way back to each other.

I’ve spoken to many other people to have met their partners during Venus retrograde, and almost all of them say it’s like a spark. They feel an automatic deep sense of familiarity with their partner, saying it’s like a spiritual connection.

Zayn is always singing about Gigi and him having this spiritual, fated, and past life connection:

     I been feeling high when I touch your body     That's how I feel the soul inside her body

       — Flight of the Stars (2018)

  Think I'm from space, my soul fell down   I found the Earth, not leaving now   I know your face, think you fell too   And ain't no place now, if I got you

      — If I Got You (2018)

We got such a spiritual connection, Don't you know you're fuckin' beautiful?

     — Common (2018)

I found my life in between shots and getting high The cage I was in fell away when she asked me to dance again I found my life in between a first kiss and a last goodbye

    — BRIGHT (2016)

Girl we'd still make it If the planets all faded away 

    — Imprint (2018)

I know I seen your face In different times and places

....

We can be Something divine, planets align where we should be

   — Talk to Me (2018)

With all being said, I think it’s safe to say if you’re looking for love, lookout for the next Venus retrograde (or look for 5th, 7th, or 9th house transits). Sometimes the universe throws somebody in your path and it’s fated. While Zayn and Gigi are an example in the media, I’ve seen it happen numerous times with everyday people. While some find their exes coming back around for a second try, or end up in murky karmic relationships, for the most part: Venus Rx seems to be a good place to start if you’re looking. 

Venus retrograde does not always mean things will work out because retrogrades are here to reassess things we did not master in the past. But love is all about taking chances. So take your chance, and have fun. Soul mates do exist, and you may end up finding the one.

[somethinginrocknroll]

He's not my favorite in a normal sense. His crazy fucking lifestyle and death are. He knew Elvis, The Rolling Stones, and many others too. Here's a mini bio on him:

Ingram Cecil Connor III better known professionally as Gram Parsons. He was a musician and frontman. Parsons worked with The Byrds in 1968, before quitting and joining his own band, The Flying Burrito Brothers from 1969 through 1970. 

Gram was born in Winter Haven, Florida on November 5th, 1945 to Ingram Cecil Connor Parsons II and Avis Snively Connor. Avis returned to her hometown to give birth to her son. She was the daughter of citrus fruit magnate John A. Snively, who held extensive properties in Winter Haven and in Waycross. Gram's father, Ingram Connor II was a famous World War II flying ace, decorated with the Air Medal, who was present at the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor.

In 1956 when he was only nine-years-old, Gram saw Elvis Presley in concert and fell in love with music. That’s where his love of music came in. Two years later his father who went by “Coon Dog” took his own life two days before Christmas, Gram was only 11/12. Both him and his sister Avis (Jr) were both shattered after their father’s death.

Avis Sr remarried to Robert Parsons and the children took his name and were adopted by him once he married their mother.

Gram Parsons did briefly attend the prestigious Bolles School in Jacksonville, Florida. That was before transferring to the public Winter Haven High School. Which he did after failing his junior year. Gram returned to Bolles which had converted from a military to a liberal arts curriculum amid the incipient Vietnam War. 

For a time, the family found a stability of sorts. They were torn apart in early 1965, when Robert had an extramarital affair and Avis' heavy drinking led to her death from cirrhosis on June 5, 1965, the day of Gram's graduation from Bolles.

Barely in his teens, he played in rock and roll cover bands such as the Pacers and the Legends, headlining in clubs owned by his stepfather in the Winter Haven/Polk County area. By the age of 16, he graduated to folk music, and in 1963 he teamed up with his first professional outfit, the Shilohs, in Greenville, South Carolina. 

Gram was heavily influenced by The Kingston Trio and The Journeymen. The band played hootenannies, coffee houses and high school auditoriums. Parsons was still enrolled in prep school, he only performed with the group in select engagements. Forays into New York City (where Parsons briefly lived with a female folk singer in a loft on Houston Street)included a performance at Florida's exhibition in the 1964 New York World's Fair and regular appearances at the Café Rafio on Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village in the summer of 1964.

 Although John Phillips who is an acquaintance of Shiloh George Wrigley arranged an exploratory meeting with Albert Grossman, the impresario balked at booking the group for a Christmas engagement at The Bitter End when he discovered that the Shilohs were still high school students. Following a recording session at the radio station of Bob Jones University, the group reached a creative impasse amid the emergence of folk rock and dissolved in the spring of 1965 around the time of Gram’s mother’s passing.

Shockingly despite being poor in school and having bad test grades, Gram went to Harvard University in 1966 with the help of a strong essay he wrote. He only did one semester and that’s where he became more serious about country music. He heard Merle Haggard for the first time.

In 1966, he and other musicians from the Boston folk scene formed a group called the “International Submarine Band”. After briefly residing in the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx, they relocated to Los Angeles the following year. Following several lineup changes, the band signed to Lee Hazlewood's LHI Records, where they spent late 1967 recording Safe at Home. The album contains one of Parsons' best-known songs, "Luxury Liner", and an early version of "Do You Know How It Feels", which he revised later in his career. Safe at Home would remain unreleased until mid-1968, by which time the International Submarine Band had broken up.

In that same year Gram got the attention of The Byrds’ guitarist Chris Hillman thanks to business manager Larry Spector as a possible replacement member since David Crosby and Micheal Clarke left in late 1967. Parsons had already met Hillman at a bank in 1967. Gram had his only child, Polly, with Nancy Ross the girlfriend of David Crosby.

Gram passed the audition in February 1968. He was at first a jazz pianist but was switched to rhyme guitar and vocals. Gram left the band when asked why Gram responded with,

"Being with The Byrds confused me a little. I couldn't find my place. I didn't have enough say-so. I really wasn't one of The Byrds. I was originally hired because they wanted a keyboard player. But I had experience being a frontman and that came out immediately. And [Roger McGuinn] being a very perceptive fellow saw that it would help the act, and he started sticking me out front."

He was also friends with The Rolling Stones members Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. And they stayed close to each other until a fall out in the 70s. Before Parsons' departure from The Byrds, he had accompanied the two Rolling Stones to Stonehenge along with McGuinn and Hillman in the English county of Wiltshire.

 Immediately after leaving the band, Parsons stayed at Richards' house and the pair developed a close friendship over the next few years, with Parsons reintroducing the guitarist to country music. According to Stones' confidant and close friend of Parsons, Phil Kaufman, the two would sit around for hours playing obscure country records and trading off on various songs with their guitars.

Returning to Los Angeles in 1969, Parsons sought out Hillman, and the two formed The Flying Burrito Brothers with bassist Chris Ethridge and pedal steel player “Sneaky” Pete Kleinow. They did every genre of music possible from hard rock all the way to country and jazz gospel.  Around this time of The Flying Burrito Brothers, Gram started dabbling more and more into drugs.

Then Gram started a solo career in 1970 and toured with Emmylou Harris for a bit ; he may have been romantically involved with her as well. He then accompanied the Rolling Stones on their 1971 U.K. tour in the hope of being signed to the newly formed Rolling Stones Records.

Parsons and Keith Richards had mulled the possibility of recording a duo album. Moving into Villa Nellcôte with the guitarist during the sessions for Exile on Main Street that commenced thereafter, Parsons remained in a consistently incapacitated state and frequently quarreled with his girlfriend, aspiring actress Gretchen Burrell who later become his wife. 

Eventually, Parsons was asked to leave by Anita Pallenberg, Richards' longtime domestic partner. Decades later, Richards suggested in his memoir that Jagger may have been the impetus for Parsons' departure because Richards was spending so much time playing music with Parsons. Rumors have persisted that he appears somewhere on the legendary album, and while Richards concedes that it is very likely he is among the chorus of singers on "Sweet Virginia", this has never been substantiated. Parsons attempted to rekindle his relationship with the band on their 1972 American tour to no avail.

After leaving the Stones' camp, Parsons married Burrell in 1971 at his stepfather's New Orleans estate. Allegedly, the relationship was far from stable, with Burrell cutting a needy and jealous figure while Parsons quashed her burgeoning film career. Many of the singer's closest associates and friends claim that Parsons was preparing to commence divorce proceedings at the time of his death; the couple had already separated by this point.

In the summer of 1973, Parsons' Topanga Canyon home burned to the ground, the result of a stray cigarette. Nearly all of his possessions were destroyed with the exception of a guitar and a prized Jaguar automobile. The fire proved to be the last straw in the relationship between Burrell and Parsons, who moved into a spare room in Kaufman's house. While not recording, he frequently hung out and jammed with members of New Jersey–based country rockers Quacky Duck and His Barnyard Friends and the proto-punk Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers, who were represented by former Byrds manager Eddie Tickner.

Before formally breaking up with Burrell, Parsons already had a woman waiting in the wings. While recording, he saw a photo of a beautiful woman at a friend's home and was instantly smitten. The woman turned out to be Margaret Fisher, a high school sweetheart of the singer from his Waycross, Georgia, days. Like Parsons, Fisher had drifted west and became established in the Bay Area rock scene. A meeting was arranged and the two instantly rekindled their relationship, with Fisher dividing her weeks between Los Angeles and San Francisco at Parsons' expense.

Gram loved to visit Joshua Tree National Park. He would visit it often. Gram would frequently do psychedelic drugs and try to spot UFOs there. He told Phil Kauffman that he wanted his ashes spread there in Joshua National Tree Park since he loved that place and practically lived there when not in LA. 

So he, Dale, Micheal, Phil, Gram's girlfriend Margaret, and Dale's unnamed girlfriend all went to stay at JNTP Inn. Where Gram got morphine from an unknown woman.

He injected himself and OD. Margaret shoved ice cubes up his ass and put him in a cold shower which worked. He was up and talking. Dale was left in charge to watch over Gram and then Gram stopped breathing. Dale tried CPR but failed. Margaret and Dale both watched Gram die. Finally they call a fucking ambulance and he's pronounced dead on arrival.

Now Gram’s stepfather is a POS okay. He wanted Gram buried in Louisiana so he could take Gram's little wealth and the family estate which didn't belong to the stepfather since he wasn't blood.

Phil and Micheal couldn't allow this. Gram wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread. So with a shit ton of booze to make an elephant drunk they take a loaned hearse, because you know everyone has a hearse on loan. They were dressed as cowboys. For as suits were “too itchy” to wear.  The duo take his body back from the airport where he's meant to fly back to Louisiana back to Joshua National Tree Park.

 So the duo crash in JNTP and they pour five gallons of gasoline on Gram and his coffin. Causing a fireball. But cremation and gasoline are different. So instead of having Gram's ashes they had a cooked charred Gram instead. Police were of course called. The duo was fined $750 each and made to do community service.Gram was sadly buried in Louisiana against his wishes but his stepfather didn't get anything.

Gram's wealth and estate were split between his wife, girlfriend, sister, and his daughter. And the family denied the whole illegal cremation happening and won't talk about it.

The end.

Omg that is a really good summary, very sad life tho and how he died but wow

[kurtwagners]

you critize atla all that much which fine whatever you can do that but, your blog is plastered in marvel stuff which also has tons of problems in regards to representation and which mostly is run by white guys, one of which is actually a trump supporter so like, what's valid and what's not? Why do you get to pick and choose what is and isn't problematic to like?

Another thing is why are you so adamant on shitting on communists and anarchists and leftists in general? What do you even believe it that you think makes you so much better and wise that anyone with that sort of ideology? All you do is blog about fandom related things and consume comics by the two biggest media companies on the planet and you think that somehow makes you an authority on anything?

I’m so glad this ask gave me a gateway to rant about comics I criticize marvel and DC literally all the time, this is like the 5th time but I love to say it: Post-9/11 iterations of iconic superheroes of American culture, especially ones like Batman and Iron-man, are literally the manifestation of contemporary myth-making of American capitalism, as well as American-exceptionalism neoliberal copganda. My last super viral post was completely shitting on how Tibet is represented in Doctor Strange, you should check it out (it’s old though so not my best). It’s kind of an academic hobby of mine to rip apart comics because I love media studies a lot. My entire final project for my Tibetan Studies course in uni was on orientalist misrepresentations of Tibet in Western superhero comics such as Doctor Strange and Iron Fist and the “Shangri-La” phenomenon (I can link if you want I’d have to revise some sections though, haha)! Also if you follow my social media you probably see me preaching the book Capitalist Superheroes: Caped Crusaders in the Neoliberal Age by Dan Hassler Forest, it’s one of my favorite pieces of academic media studies writing, it completely breaks down the concept of the American “superhero" using a Marxist lens and I am obsessed with it. Warning though it’s REALLY dense but I think it’s extremely well-researched and really puts into perspective how important media studies can be when analyzing the political characteristics of nations, and how media shapes the minds of youth in their image.

I said multiple times I don’t mind that people enjoy and consume Avatar, I just wanted to point out it’s flaws in representing the Tibetan people, which is rooted in the writers being white. Comics also does this too, and I have written about this problem both on Tumblr and in an academic setting! So many fictional works created in the Western World has political implications that are problematic in nature, which is why I as a fan enjoy it and also enjoy criticizing and dissecting it! It helps me better understand how politics are ingrained in almost every aspect of our lives! You can enjoy things you are critical of, so please don’t worry! 

I agree with you, enjoying superhero comic companies is definitely a double edged sword, because of their problematic existence as corporate entities while they are now hiring more diverse writers and artists for specific projects that give positive representation for marginalized groups, like Ms. Marvel and Ironheart. I personally try my best as a fan of superhero comics to minimize my impact in contributing to the corporate side and white creators pockets by torrenting popular, large comic titles written by white men. I only actively purchase small series that give writers of color and women a salary and a platform, such as my absolute favorite writers Saladin Ahmed, Greg Pak, G Willow Wilson, Eve Ewing, and Ta Nehisi Coates! They’re all excellent writers so check out their comics and outside works! I also don’t watch superhero movies anymore, I just generally don’t like them that much outside of Black Panther, aka the best superhero film.

Time for a promo: My favorite superhero team of all time, the Champions, focusses on characters of color like Kamala Khan, Miles Morales, Sam Alexander, Amadeus Cho and Riri Williams, and is currently being written by esteemed black academic Eve Ewing. The next issue of her Champions reboot is coming out in October 2020. It’s going to focus on how teen superheroes and vigilantes challenge the government and status quo, I’m so excited about it so PLEASE check out your local comic store and buy an issue if you’re interested in supporting comic creators of color writing heroes of color! It really needs financial support after Covid delayed the release. Champions in the past also gave a platform for Indigenous Canadian voices by pulling in Inuit creative Nyla Innuksuk and collaborated with her to create the new Champions member, Inuit superhero Snowguard (my baby), so if you are interested in modern and inspiring indigenous narratives please check out those past issues as well ❤️

And to address your other criticism: not all is how it appears sometimes! I have a more serious political twitter and a fan twitter both, so if you want to see me talk more about politics then fan things please be sure to follow me @chaiiyou on twitter instead! Kind of unrelated but also this is actually a side blog, I have a main blog that’s mostly just pretty photos and aesthetically pleasing stuff @butterchalatte so follow that too if you wish. 

I am a leftist of color (anti-imperialist anarcho-communist would be my best bet but I don’t like labels) myself, who is critical about how Western leftists often romanticize geopolitical situations they are unfamiliar with and nation-states that they have never been to or have been a part of. I hope you understand that leftism, like many things, isn’t a monolith and there are many disagreements and critical discussions happening within the left all the time, groups such as anarcho-communists and marxist-leninist-maoists really aren’t the same. If you happen to fall into the more tankie/authoritarian side of the spectrum, uh I guess sorry if I offended you by criticizing my colonizers lmao but these discourses are fairly common and happen all the time, I’m surprised you’re not familiar with it? Having open, critical discussions within the leftist sphere is what helps us better understand one another and build more substantial praxis together, it’s unhealthy to stick yourself in an echo chamber!

I don’t really get why you’re so spiteful and upset though, I think people who mostly come online to decompress and engage in things like fandom still have a right to have open discussions about politics if they want to. I’m not claiming to be an authority on anything, just sharing my own experiences like everyone else. I wish you well and hope you can find more compassion in your future om mani pedme hum.

Tl;dr: There is no ethical consumption under capitalism

[vilesbian]

Ortus was 27 when his father died and he decided enough was enough.

The Lord and Lady of the house seemed take the passing of their cavalier hard, fading away to mere remnants of their former selves, ignoring his feeble attempts to assume his inherited position.

Ortus, despite his many inadequacies, still desired above all else to live up to the ideal of Matthias Nonius and thus he decided that if he could not be a subpar cavalier to the Lord and Lady of Drearburh, then he would be a subpar cavalier to their reverend daughter. It was in this mindset that Ortus set out to care for his necromancer.

When he took stock of what exactly the girl needed, it became clear that she above all else lacked a childhood. There were two children on the entire planet and the host of available caretakers were lacking in both the small and the profound things that children needed. Ortus knew this because he had once spent 7 months researching child rearing to determine the appropriate way to characterize Matthias Nonius' early life.

There was his mother who did her best, but 30 years on this dark rock had taken something from her, and the death of husband had stolen the rest. Marshal Crux was a cruel man to all but Harrowhark, and while kind to the girl, he did not treat her as a child. Captain Aiglamene mainly took the other little one, Gideon, in hand but while she was a good teacher (lord knows she'd tried with Ortus until they'd agreed that he would never be a swordsman and there were better uses of both their time) but she was fundamentally uninterested in the raising of any children outside of teaching them to handle deadly weapons. There was the aunts, two nuns who were in charge of the religious education of the reverend daughter, but less said about them the better.

Ultimately when one took stock of who could provide the young necromancer with a childhood, there was no one and so, as the girls cavalier, it would fall to Ortus. This would be the way he would serve the house of Matthias Nonius, here was how he would serve his legacy.

He remembered from his own childhood, from before, how important his friend Nastya had been, she had been his constant companion through adventure small and large.

He did not like to think of her much these days. To do so only led to anger and what was the use of that?

The point was Harrowhark needed a companion, he could raise her and provide her with the care that she needed but he could not be her friend in that way, so he would need to include the only other child on the planet.

Ortus had mostly ignored young Gideon before this point, the young girl mainly caught his attention when her scraps with Harrowhark grew loud enough to draw his eye, but that would have to change.

He was woefully inadequate for the task but he would take the girls in hand, because there was no one else to do it.

Maybe they'd like hear about Matthias Nonius, the first stanza of his 5th book needed revising but it was full of excitement that the children would surely love.

the au where ortus nigenad, after his father’s death, goes “actually what the fuck is this” and assumes guardianship of harrow and gideon through sheer foolhardy stubbornness and does his best to not fuck them up too badly. he can only hang out with them one on one because they will not be in the same room as each other. this au is very funny to me because i’m imagining canon-aged griddlehark being way cooler than ortus will ever be and still having a similar level of complete disrespect to him but they tolerate his presence a lot more. he can and will ground them to the best of his ability and it’s kind of a nuisance when he does so they at least pretend like they listen to him. one useless 35 year old and a pair of teenagers and this relationship is the closest thing any of them have to a friend

[grlyntng]

Why I Fucking Hate Going To A Private School

Before you think I’m being ungrateful and all that, hear me out first. I’m not saying all private schools are bad but I spent my secondary education in one and although it does have some perks, I fucking hate it. 

1. The Longer Days 

My first bell goes off at 7.25 in the morning, meaning I have to get up extra early in the morning just to make it to school on time. In my 5th year, I started not giving a fuck and I sometimes got to class at 8 or I only got in later in the day for the sake of attendance. Anyway, my school had(has) 11 periods of classes each day, 40 minutes per period. I spend 9 hours in school every. fucking. day. 

So let’s compare this to that of a public school. Public schools here have only 5 to 6 hours of school in a day, giving them the afternoon and night off for self-enriching activities or time to study by themselves. Not only do they have such short schooling hours, but each period only lasts for 30 minutes. That 10 minute difference might not seem like a lot but trust me, when it accumulates, it is so much time.

2. You literally don’t have time for anything else

So I’m a pianist and a singer who sits for music exams as well as I have classes to go to. Imagine this: I only get home at around 5pm, eat dinner at 6pm and only have around 2 hours after to do a shit ton of homework, do house chores, practise playing the piano, and/or go to a class. 

Let me tell you this. It is very, very, easy to fall behind. And oh god you do not know how scary it is to fall behind because the work load keeps piling up. At this point, you might think that I’m just exaggerating at the amount of work I have. I kid you not, I am not even close to exaggerating. Our school makes sure we have the bare minimum of 3 revision books per subject and honey, that’s not all. The teachers love adding more books to the syllabus because they think it’s good for us. Milk is good for you but I’m not gonna drown myself in it. 

3. The amount of tests

I’m already so sleep deprived. What do you mean I have another test tomorrow? Tests. Every. Week. And if it’s not a test, it’s the term exam. Now the frequent testing was my school’s idea and it doesn’t occur as frequently in other private schools but good god I wish I were dead. Okay let’s try to add this up.

 2 hours of free time - one pile of homework - extra curricular activities - tests to study for = sleep deprivation at its best

We are always stressed out. Exam season is every day.

4. How suffocating it is

I have severe anxiety and depression, which have only gotten worse throughout the years I spent in that school. Admittedly, it was probably due to the fact that I am in the most elite class in the whole school. 

Oh you’re from the best class? Doesn’t that mean you have your shit together and that you’re good in your academics?

HeLLL NO

The people in that class are so competitive and for some reason, also a very rowdy bunch. You end up working in groups with some people who you will have to try very hard not to punch in the mouth. Yes, there are some people in public schools who are exactly the same kind of nuisances but some kids are just so privileged it’s like they pay someone to do the thinking for them. It really doesn’t help that I’m an introvert and I require a lot of peace and quiet.

If my hours in school were shorter and I was allowed to spend a lot less time with these assholes, I’d be able to keep my problems at bay.

5. Some things you just need to do on your own

When I was in my primary education and I went to a public school, I had time outside of school to go for my extra curriculars and tuition if I was weak at certain subjects in school. The advantage of this was that I had the option to choose who my tuition teacher was so that I could make the best choice for myself in order to succeed. 

When you go to a private school, you’re stuck with whatever teacher the school assigns to you. And just because it’s a private school doesn’t mean all the teachers are good. Sure, not all of them are bad and I have some teachers there I really like but keep this in mind: every teacher has a different way of teaching. Some ways just didn’t suit my way of learning even though it suited that of my peers.

What I ended up doing was I took certain days off school, called in sick (which I often am because my anxiety is very severe so I get a lot of physical ailments from it and I have a major gastric problem) and tried to catch up on the syllabus since I didn’t have time at night after school. 

MORE WORK MEANS LESS TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE WORKING ON

6. The difference between me and my peers

It’s no surprise that a lot of my peers and my friends are from very well-to-do families and quite a few of them had mansions, ferraris, and were overall just living the dream. I, myself, am not from a rich family. At best, we’re middle class citizens who do their best to make it through. My family works hard to support me in my education but it doesn’t make it any less stressful for me. While I am mostly immune to peer pressure, it is evidently harder for me to cope with everything when I don’t have someone waiting on me hand and foot. My schoolmates mostly very privileged people (and not all of them are assholes really. some are absolutely wonderful) and they have a lot less to worry about.

7. Public school students don’t understand

It’s not that they never understand what private school students have to go through, it’s that most of the time, they just assume we’re spoiled based on face value. Sure we have air conditioners when we study but so what? Sure most of the students here are from rich families. That doesn’t mean we have it easier. 

People set standards and expectations to high for us, we have no choice but to work our hardest to come close to them. Because our parents chose to put us in a private school, we have to work twice as hard to make sure everything is worthwhile. I acknowledge that public school students work hard too but in some cases, it really is easier for a public school student. (most of the time it’s easier to get away with things)

Take for example, we’re not trusted to grade our own students so external invigilators are sent in to do the grading for us instead. On the other hand, my public school friends don’t have to worry about any of this. (Mind you, I’m from Malaysia)

With certain privileges comes restrictions. 

And that, my friends, is why I fucking hate going to a private school

[nicosroom]

Does anything say “do not disturb, I’m writing a dissertation” more than the fact that writing this blog post has been on my to-do list since January? (It’s April now.)

I meant to recap my “first semester” progress and reflect a little on the triumphs and the frustrations of working on a writing/research fellowship -- that is:

PROGRESS: I finished and filed my dissertation prospectus,  I zero-drafted two chapters before Christmas celebrations started, and submitted two applications for pre-doc teaching fellowships that (fingers crossed) could take me to another institution. 

TRIUMPHS: 

I very much already knew it, but I needed some reminders that my best work takes place in the mornings, essentially between 9am-12pm. I’ve gotten into a better routine that carves out this time for writing and pushes reading, meetings, writing group, socializing, appointments, workouts, errands to the afternoons and evenings. 

Weekends: I’ve been very good about working all week and really savoring weekends. Out of necessity, there have been some weekends where work happens, on occasions I come up on hard deadlines, but it’s been incredible to have those days stretch ahead of me for giving 100% attention to friends and loved ones, or to laze away the day with a book, or to binge watch a TV show, or to explore a neighborhood, or wind my way through the racks in a thrift store without feeling pressured by squeezing in an ounce of work. 

FRUSTRATIONS:

It is lonely. (see below)

That nagging feeling of “shouldn’t I be working more?”

And, “shouldn’t I be producing more?”

Amid the gloom of February, I was definitely hitting a low point. I was spinning my wheels in the midst of a chapter revision (which my advisor didn’t ask for; I decided I wanted it refined in case I needed writing samples for anything, and she didn’t object), needed to get started on a first-weekend-of-March conference presentation, and I was anxiously checking email for word from those applications I’d submitted before Christmas. On a personal note, my partner had just relocated for his job and I was realizing how little effort I’d put into making new friends since moving (or fostering stronger connections with old ones). 

I signed up for a dissertation workshop at the university library and I hopped back on Bumble BFF. While I was at it, I started a free trial at a barre studio and joined a book club. Then I proceeded to overschedule every weekend of March with travel, happy hours, dinner plans, and visits. 

And here I am on the other side. 

Here are some things I’ve learned in the process of just the past month and half:

“it takes as long as it takes” - something my advisor said to me last fall about writing a dissertation generally. I brushed this off because I am determined to have this done by the end of my 5th year, so to me it takes as long as I have - two years or less. I’m returning to this idiom though after spending mid-January to late-March revising a chapter that I initially though might take me a month... “It takes as long as it takes” is not an excuse to take years upon years to write this dissertation, I’m realizing. It’s a reminder to be patient, because rushing myself isn’t going to do me any favors if what I produce isn’t (1) what I want to actually say/do/argue and (2) it’s not done well. 

Done well ≠ perfect. Perfection is apparently the biggest enemy of the dissertation. But, just because we’re shooting down perfection does not mean we don’t still have to live up to a high standard. 

Establish a routine and treat it as sacred. 

WHAT IS THE BEST TIME FOR WRITING: As I noted above, my best writing happens in the mornings, approximately 9am-12pm. I can sometimes fit in a little more after lunch, but its really not gonna happen after 3 pm. 

WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE? For me, it has to be quiet, so I prefer to just stay home where I can control the environment. As a result, I’ve stopped agreeing to meet my writing buddy at the coffee shop in the mornings, instead pushing for meeting after lunch - and so now I use that time for my less mind-consuming tasks (reading, reading/responding to email, tinkering with bibliographies or powerpoints). 

WHAT IS THE BEST METHOD? I started trying timed writing/work sessions after I went to the library workshop. I set a 40-minute timer and I take 10-minute stretch breaks. On a full scale writing day, I can fit in 4 of those sessions before lunch and often 2 after lunch. It works really well because I’m much more conscious about how I distribute the time: I push myself to write to the timer, I savor the whole 10 minute break. 

MINIMIZE DISTRACTIONS: During breaks, I try to stay away from my phone (which I keep in the kitchen, not near my desk). Its important not to invite distractions, so that as I stretch or lay on the floor staring at the ceiling or stir up a cup of hot chocolate, I leave opportunities for ideas to come to me. A feeling we all know too well is that ideas come to us when we can’t write them down - like while showering or hiking. By staying away from the phone, social media, music, etc, I hope to create similar conditions during the writing breaks. 

Find your support: 

Despite so-so reviews I heard from older grad students, I signed on for the Writing Center organized Dissertation Completion Group. Because of schedules and locations, I don’t meet with this group in person, but we check-in with each other every few days via a Google Hangout out and we’ve done a couple video check-ins as well. We collectively attended the Writing Center’s day-long writing bootcamp and did an in-person check-in over lunch. That’s been really good, not only because it connected me with three other women in three totally different Ph.D. programs, but it’s a near-daily social interaction that I didn’t have before. It’s also dissertation specific--we talk about non-diss things, but we also have a lot of common ground and a lot of the same day-to-day problems. It’s a great reminder that I’m not in this alone. 

In the fall, we tried a writing group that involved every Ph.D student we knew who lived down here in Cincy. At max, five of us attended, and we tried to make it every Wednesday, 9 am-4 pm. We took turns hosting at our homes or identifying a library/coffee shop that would be ideal. As the semester progressed, I found myself trying to avoid it. I enjoyed the company, but the timing and the locations were not so conducive to the way I work, which got increasingly more clear as I moved through the drafting phases. When I was doing a lot of reading and free writing, it was all right, but when it was time to focus that writing more intensely, it was too distracting and interfered with my best writing time. This winter and spring, we didn’t pick it up, but I did maintain a weekly meet up with one writing buddy, where we’ve found the best medium between our work needs. It turns out she’s an afternoon writer and that she focuses well in coffee shops, making 1-4pm-ish work for both of us. Because we’ve found that middle ground, we’re significantly more consistent. 

Sociability: I over-scheduled March after a really slow February. I was in at the conference and visiting Billy in DC the fist weekend; I was at writing boot camp, then happy hour with one group of friends, then dinner with another group of friends the second weekend; I hosted a friend from out of town the third; I went to Chicago the fourth. And in between weekends, I did a Bumble BFF happy hour and a book club meeting. While I acknowledge that it was too much, I really did have a lot of fun and I think I put more energy into my daily work knowing that this social time would be a huge pay off. I’m trying to approach April with just one or two small things on the calendar each week or weekend and to be extra-conscious of the big things I’ve got on the calendar. For example, I have a weekend trip to DC mid-month, so I’m not going to go out of town any other time in April and I’m not going to commit to a book club meeting that is the same night I fly back into town. 

Write every day, for 15 minutes, minimum. ...But what about the weekend? The jury is still out for me on this advice, which they stressed a ton at the dissertation workshop. I tried it for those last couple weekends of February, quite literally for 15 minutes, but I just haven’t had the weekends available for that in March, so I’m still not sure. I get it though - the value of keeping your diss in mind so that it’s easier to get started on Monday morning. But, I think there I also something to be said about coming back to the project with fresh eyes at the beginning of the week...