#falling asleep auditory hallucinations are always fun

[indigochromatic]

🌙 How does your system handle dreams?

That's an interesting question! Our dreams are kind of Weird (although tbh, whose aren't). It's almost always me fronting while dreaming, and even when S fronts it's nearly always (except for a few memorable cases) like he's "switched in", and still has to use my/our IRL body in the dream--and also, we don't seem to be able to do co-con, somehow? Like, we can switch, but it's all 'backdoor switches', with maybe a second or two of overlap where we can sense/feel each other and then it's back to dream chaos alone. Really wish we could figure that one out, it kinda sucks tbh. We also used to have way more problems with "lucid, but not in the fun way" dreams, where I'd be awake in the dream...but without the stereotypical lucid-dreaming-omipotence thing: it's like being a video game character with no powers and no items trying to navigate an ever-shifting, chaotic (and sometimes not-super-friendly) landscape. - tw unreality/derealization below - Also I'd dream about waking up, and think I'd woken up until something went Weird (for example, realizing that the view outside my window is slightly the wrong angle, or changed since I last looked at it)...then try to wake up, dream about waking up again, etc, for multiple loops/in a row until finally actually being able to wake up. Not super fun, although more frustrating/sad/isolating-feeling than horrific. (The nightmares can definitely get horrific, but those feel more like rapid-onset panic attacks while asleep that cause the dream landscape to shift abruptly or something like that, idk) - end tw unreality/derealization - Some of the more negative dream stuff has gotten better on average, after an odd, multi-day, back-of-headspace episode that I can only describe as "S picked a fight with some part of our subconscious and won", so that's been helpful. I used to be able to "fix" my nightmares by just shifting into dragon shape at-will, but for some reason that seems to be working less well in the past couple of years. I've also had some luck with talking to dream NPCs politely and asking if I could wake up.

Another kind of neat/odd thing I've noticed is that sometimes (I only really notice during lucid episodes, so idk if happens the rest of the time as well or not), the dream's "visual channel" and "audio channel" will be...disconnected, basically? Like, there will be the usual chaos-brain dream landscape going on, with it's 1-3 seconds of stability before shifting, and then a simultaneous mostly entirely unrelated radio-chatter audio track going on "in my head" (like, it's not coming from the dream, it's in my head while I'm dreaming), like hypnogogic auditory hallucinations carrying on into the dream? Feels distinct from system communication, because even though there's clear words and different voices, there's...like, no feeling of substance behind them, and you can't really converse with them. It doesn't feel like a person, it feels like I'm hearing the background-radiation static noise thoughts of my brain translated directly into pseudo-auditory information. We don't get hallucinations (afaik) while awake, so that's interesting!

We've also had one especially long-and-weird lucid dream episode that involved sort of being given a "tour" of a bunch of visual metaphors of brain functions, with multiple rounds of me "floating back up to the surface" of waking and then dipping back down--and during those kinda-awake windows, I could talk to S, who said it felt like he could "see a little into the dream over your shoulder", as though I was standing in a doorway and he was looking past me at what was beyond it--but he couldn't follow me into it, for some reason (we still don't know why). Also I can daydream in dreams. Like, I can be asleep and in a dream, trying to imagine a thing (usually carrying on whatever thread I was following before falling asleep), which stays internal to my head even within the plane of the dream, so I'm like, trying to find a chill spot in-dream to sit and continue the daydream thoughts, but occasionally get interrupted by weird dream stuff and have to look around for a different chill spot. I've tried seeing if I can impose the daydream-visualizations onto the dream landscapes, the way lucid dreams are "supposed" to work (and how they used to work more frequently for me when I was younger), and for some reason they just sort of stay in the "daydream channel" even while dreaming. It's sort of hilariously many layers of meta, and I have no idea why our brain apparently does this currently, maybe it'll change again someday.

[nathank77]

8/16/24

8:59 a.m

I had a hard time falling asleep again. I had to double up once again. The issue I've noticed with weed is the sound effect mental pictures.... that's doesn't happen until the Xanax wears off but with weed it's been happening.

Two night ago I had the mental image of a dragon flapping his wings and I heard the air from it.

Last night I had a number of these events occur but they were different mental images with different sound effects that's matched them.

I'm not going to smoke tonight unless it gets close to quitting time. I'm disappointed that it takes me 2 hours of closing my eyes to fall asleep at this point. It's really starting to make me think I have to kill myself to end the suffering.

I'm so groggy bc I took 12 mg of Melatonin, Benadryl, etc. A long list of fucking sedatives just to achieve sleep.

Mike had this "wonderful," idea to try to sleep without any of the drugs. How fucking stupid, he was like just try. Bitch I have tried and closing my eyes for 30 minutes to have mental images with verbal auditory hallucinations is not worth it. It's fucking traumatizing. And then I'll inevitably have to drug myself and still struggle to sleep... and lay there with my eyes closed..

Either way yea I'm not doing that dumb shit. And weed is out unless its getting close to an all nighter and I mean I may have to pull one tonight bc of the doubling up and the weed not working anymore.

I think I took too much Melatonin last night cause I got all weirdly Tingly. I usually always stay under 9 mg. Cause when I didn't have xanax I took 10 mg one night and I felt Tingly like I was microsleeping it was traumatizing.

I just felt the jaws of an all nighter clenching on me and i took 6 mg when I failed after a hour of closing my eyes...

So I'm planning my suicide soon if my body can't get it's shit together and fall asleep easily.

I am potentially going to new Hampshire today I'm dreading it....

And I looked up national male height appearantly it's 5'9, that's fucking tall.. I'm super short. I guess that's why I'm terminally single. Girls don't like shrimpy guys. I don't understand what's wrong with being fun sized. You should see me curl up next to you in bed you'd think I was cute and I take up less space than tall guys.but girls always worry about towering over a guy in heels. I say wear your heels. Long legs are attractive and I don't have fragile masculinity. Unfortunately a lot of females have fragile femininity and can't stand the idea that they could be taller than their man.

Maybe I'll take 10 mg of Methimazole today. My tsh is kicking my ass I just want to sleep again without struggling.

[come-get-yall-mcyt-confessions]

Hallucinated ranboos voice last night, can't Remember what he said, i think it was something generic, like if you had a stream up in the background, but i was half asleep and both my phone and tv were off, but anyways 10/10 would recommend hope it happens again

[inwintersolitude]

- April 22nd 2022 -

How much gas does it take to make your car have a full tank? The Tiguan's fuel tank capacity is 15.9 gallons, and the GLI's fuel tank capacity is 14.5 gallons.

Do you have to do anything important soon? I have to return a dress to Macy's. I bought it to wear to my cousin-in-law's bridal shower, but it ended up being too cold to wear a dress that day and I don't really like it as much as I thought I did, so I'm just going to return it.

Has anyone ever ghosted you? and have you ever ghosted someone? No, not that I can think of.

What's the weather like? It's chilly out tonight.

When was the last time you seen snow? Two days ago.

Are you vaccinated against any virus? Yep, I'm vaccinated+boosted against Covid. I also got the MMR vaccine as a baby of course.  There were probably some other vaccines I got as a child that I can’t think of right now.

What was something in your life that was hard to get over? Having to leave my aviation career due to my hearing disorder.

How do you feel currently? Relaxed and happy.

Have you ever had hallucinations? I sometimes get slight auditory hallucinations as I'm falling asleep or just waking up. I'll hear a brief voice, or the sound of a door closing. It doesn't happen very often, though.

Who was the last person who told you good morning or goodnight? My husband.

Do you or have you ever seen a therapist? I went to therapy from 2016-2017, and again from 2019-2020.

What is something you want right now? A shoulder and neck massage.

Do you have a favorite letter in the alphabet? Nope.

Would you rather own a private jet or yacht? I'd love to own either one! If I had a private jet, I'd want a Phenom, I always thought they looked super fun to fly. But honestly I think I'd rather have a yacht because you can relax on a yacht whereas piloting a plane is constant work. My husband and I actually considered buying a yacht to live aboard, but that was back when we lived on the East Coast. I mean I guess you could live on a yacht on Lake Erie, but only for part of the year because in the winter it's either frozen over or very rough seas haha.

When was the last time you had to use scissors for something? When making dinner. I bought a wedge of parmigiano cheese to grate over the pasta I made, and I used scissors to open the plastic it was wrapped in.

How many light bulbs are in the room you're in? Six.

What's something other than a school subject, you'd get a failing grade at? Anything that requires people skills. Career networking, sales, etc.

Do you mind being called honey or baby by strangers? I absolutely do mind. It infuriates me. Thankfully it almost never happens. The only time someone can call me honey without me getting angry is if it's an old lady saying it, haha.

Do you own a jump rope? Nope.

When was the last time you second guessed yourself? When I made Beyond Burgers for dinner last night. I wasn't sure if I cooked them at a high enough temp on the griddle. But they turned out fine.

Do you have trouble trusting the police? I've never heard anything bad about the police where I live, but still, I don’t think I could fully trust them. I know that not all of them are bad, but you never know if the cop you're interacting with is a good person who wants to keep their community safe, or a corrupt shithead.

Is there anyone you can say that you trust with your life? Yes. My husband, my parents, my brother, and my Granny and Granddad.

How often do you wash your hair? Every 3-4 days.

What's your favorite 4 letter word? I don't have a favorite.

What's something that is creepy to you? Fundamentalist churches. Super culty and creepy.

What's something you feel very fortunate about? Being financially well-off.

Would you say there are any non problematic celebrities? I guess so.

Is it currently cold where you are? It's definitely chilly, but I wouldn't call 45°F "cold." I don't consider it to be legitimately cold til it's below freezing.

What last made you scream? I don't know. I haven't screamed in years because of my extreme noise sensitivity that I've had since 2016 (debilitating since 2018). I'd never make a noise loud enough to make my noise-induced ear pain worse.

What's something you do that you wish you could make money doing? Playing Worldle or other types of geography games. I'm a total geography whiz. I was just telling my husband last night that if there were a game show where you played Worldle or GeoGuessr but with Jeopardy-level winnings, I could make us millions, hahaha.

[bleepblopbloop56]

Fun things about sleep paralysis to know if youve never had it:

Its not always with hallucinations. Its common but not everyone gets it. Me for instance have never opened my eyes while having it for fear of hallucinations

Sometimes your ears ring. Alot. Painfully so. Thats sometimes an indicator youre about to go into a lil bout of it. Like "hey whats that noi- oh fuck"

I dont know if this is universal but i almost always know when its happening. I usually focus on moving my fingers until i can move more. I try to make my internal monolouge louder than whatever auditory hallucinations im hearing if possible.

It causes a shit ton of anxiety.

It feels like someone or somethings in the room with you

For me, even after i wake up i dont want to be in the room sometimes.

No talking, shouting, any use of your vocal chords pretty much.

Alot of people say its hard to breathe when you have it

Hearing ringing or buzzing is normal but so are voices, monsters, the bout i just had included spaceship noises

And sometimes it happens repetedly. Like again and again

Mine usually happen while im falling asleep, so if i try to go back to sleep two or three more times Guess Whats Gonna Happen

Okay thats it thats all i have to say

[kryptsune]

🌼Alright, heeeere we go. After much deliberation and tons of design doodles, I have scrapped this is a good representation of what my multiverse version of HorrorFell is all about. As I said before this is going to be more Eldritch and supernatural horror. I did say before that the other one focused more on the psychology of it but I have to argue now that this is really that AU and I will explain that briefly like I have in the past. This is a lot to unpack to stick with me! 

What you see above is Red’s occult/ ceremonial outfit he does not wear this huge imposing headdress all the time. First, it is probably super heavy and second, it’s only worn by the cult members, which no one knows what monsters are actually initiated. I don’t know if you can tell or not (sorry for the quick sketches) but that headdress is a Gaster Blaster skull. I had a lot of fun drawing this idea since I love all that kind of occult and secret society stuff. I will not be ashamed to admit that I have been super inspired by four main materials for Horrorfell. They are Bloodbourne, Fran Bow, The Order, and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. All great shows and games that are definitely worth a play/watch if you love this kind of stuff. Onto the story (buckle up cause the angst train is pulling into the station). 

Horrorfell takes place after a pacifist run by Frisk. The story briefly goes as follows. Frisk ends up in the Underworld (Underground) and befriends the monsters and wants to help them. She never dies once either. It is basically a way watered down version of WTU in essence. I will point out that Red is still a killer and that becomes worse after Frisk’s absence ( I will explain this in a bit). Once reaching the end of her journey the monsters refuse to let her be that final soul. They would rather wait and figure out something else. Frisk promises to return to them and set them free. She is like 18-19 by the way. Asriel sacrifices himself to that end to see her leave through the barrier only the humans capture the poor girl after she leaves. They conclude that she is not mentally stable due to her insistence that monsters are real and throw her into an asylum to be “treated”. We all know what that means. 

Nearly 5+ years later and she manages to escape finding herself once again in the Underworld only it is far different from what she remembers. At this point, she is questioning whether anything is real or not. After being “treated” for so long she doesn’t quite know which reality is real. As Red (aka Saw) points out: “Ya really don’t know believe what happened do ya?” 

Frisk is the one person that gets him to turn a new leaf when it comes to his numb feelings in the beginning. It’s harder to go against what was originally natural and he struggles with overcoming his base instinct. That guilt hits him heavy now that he feels even guiltier because he didn’t care that he’s even forgotten the victims. That’s always going to haunt him. He only cares about two people in their world and that is his brother Eldritch and Frisk so everyone else is on his kill list so to speak. I would think that he would use others as a means to an end. If I keep him yandere like Blade, though not as insane, then he would do anything to see her again including becoming a ruthless killer again to do it. Get the souls, break the barrier, find the girl. Essentially he’s more of a calculating yandere in this case. So rather than being socially acceptable to kill humans, his dilemma in beating his nature with his yandere extremes and how he’s got to hold himself back. Frisk is just the person to help him recognize that he’s gotta broaden his view and that comes with accepting his flawed nature. It’s that whole killing makes me feel good/ numb idea. When accepting your flaws you end up going through lots of denial initially, being yandere, he’s going to see his view as right, even justified.

Frisk’s Mental Demons:

  The psychological toll on Frisk is great as she has been told constantly that she made up her time in the Underworld in order to shut herself away into a fantasy world. A world where she had a family... where she is loved and wanted. This happens a lot like the “Doctors” continuously try to refute her experiences or sensations medically.  Every time she goes to sleep in the Underworld she ends up back at the Asylum tied down kicking and screaming and she only wakes up again when she is sedated. Rinse and repeat. The question is... is it real? Or rather which is real. The doctors go on to state that her dark state of mind twisted her original concept behind her “family” making them this eldritch styled horror. He also goes onto explain that the reason she is so drawn and close to Red is that it is her “flirting with death”. That she is accepting that outcome because if she continues to resist treatment she will die and the moment she trusts him in her “fantasy” that will be the end. (on a side note what a jerk). Anyway, these kinds of situations happen a lot and even sometimes cross over through auditory and visual hallucinations, at least that is what the doctor says they are. I will give an example of this. 

Red zaps her with his old joy buzzer for old time sake. Not to freak her out or anything but after that encounter and she is safe with the Bros. She falls asleep and she ends up back at the asylum, whether it is a nightmare or not. She ends up crying over how real her "hallucination" feels and she talks about the buzzer. The doctors explain to her that it was an external stimulus from her shock therapy. In other words, it’s all in her head. Red tries to comfort her when this happens trying to get her to believe that he is real but he doesn’t push that on her considering how broken he sees she is. A lot of times she ends up in tears wrapped in his arms and he just holds her in a comforting way. My heart. 

The Occult/World:

The cult as I keep referring to it as is a group of powerful monsters. I am not going to say too much about them as I don’t want to ruin certain things. However, they believe humans to be their salvation while the rest of the monsters believe that they are the angels of death. They will kill humans on sight, of course, they want to live in denial of their horrible deeds. This is where the idea of hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil comes in. Each monster falls into one of these camps even going so far as to mutilate themselves to do it. EVERYONE HAS GONE NUTS. Unlike the cult that wishes to break the barrier, the rest want to stay hidden from the beasts above. Red and Eldritch are under see no evil hence the blindfolds. Even though Red is a part of the cult however he has to play the part, the rest of them do as well. The question is which 7 monsters are a part of it? 

There is no monarchy in this since it was dissolved. It is rumored that the cult have extraordinary abilities that far surpass that of regular Boss monsters. They are considered “consorting with evils beyond their control”. I will say that Reds faith in the order is quite strong... only time will tell if their intentions are what has been advertised. The cult believes that humans are the key to their salvation and that they will summon a god to rule both the surface and the underworld. Basically bringing hell to earth. In keeping with the eldritch horror vibe. I have that “god” being an unholy amalgamation of Asriel, God of Hyper death, Chara, and Gaster not to mention that the rest of the cult can become unholy eldritch abominations as well. Reds got the Gaster blaster beast vibe with him but he also has a million eyes when his sockets go dark. A whole bunch of disturbing eyes fill his skull. (If you have ever watched Soul Eater it’s very Asura like)

Each member is associated with a major arcana as well. In Reds case, it is being a seer which in essence is seeing the truth or judgment. That is all I am going to say about them for now. Even Eldritch and Frisk don’t know that Red is in the cult by the way. I am still working on his full body design as everything I have done I am not all that satisfied with. His headshot though will stay the same I am really happy with those. I am thinking of leaning more Bloodbourne. If you have any suggestions feel free to drop them in the comments! Sorry for the massive lore dump! <3 

DO NOT REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION IT IS NOT FOR YOUR USE. IF YOU LIKE MY WORK PLEASE REBLOG INSTEAD! It helps me so much! It makes such a difference.💙         

[vincent-frankenstein]

omg you should totally talk even in more depth abt the different techniques for lucid dreaming this is the first time i've heard abt it and it seems so interesting!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!! YELLS

yall are really indulging me tonight ig wow th,,, thank u,,,,, 

well! there are several different ways to induce a lucid dream, ranging from like. barely any effort to A Whole Lotta Effort. 

of course, no matter which technique you choose, you have to be maintaining a consistent dream journal and practicing reality checks for you to have any hope of success. i canNot stress enough how important those two things are!

anyway gonna, yeetyeet this under a cut bc we boutta get RAMBLY up in this tired bitch

first things first, MILD, or mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream. i talked about this one a lot in my original post, but it’s always worth a mention! it’s very low effort, and the results can be a bit slow, but it does work. all you have to do is set your intentions as you’re falling asleep with a mantra to focus your brain on lucid dreaming. personally, i use “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” a lot, and it works pretty regularly! just repeat whatever mantra you choose over and over in your head while you’re trying to fall asleep — for at least five minutes, but the longer you go, the bigger your chances are.

upsides: REALLY low effort

downsides: not the biggest chance of actually inducing a lucid dream, and it can get really boring really fast, especially if ur an adhd bastard like me and u cant focus on shit

next! VILD, or visual-induced-lucid-dream. this is somewhere between MILD and WILD. it can be a bit more difficult than a MILD — especially if you have trouble visualizing things — but it can also induce lucid dreams that start exactly where you want them to, so you dont face the problem of having to change the scene. basically, you lay in bed, get comfortable, do ur Thing, and then you start visualizing exactly what scene you want your dream to start with. get as detailed as possible — notice every detail, every sound, everything. make sure to put a reality check into your scenario! supposedly, you’ll eventually just cross over into the dream, and your reality check will snap you into lucidity

ive only tried this method a couple times, and... it’s never really worked for me, but that could just be my adhd and my insomnia doubling up on me to keep me from falling asleep. whenever i try to focus too hard on falling asleep, i end up awake half the night instead. but! that doesnt mean this isnt a good technique; just because it doesnt work for me doesnt mean it wont work for you

upsides: starts a dream exactly where you want to be, good if you’re an imaginative person

downsides: boring as all hell, can (at least in my experience) worsen insomnia

the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method is a pretty much surefire way to get a lucid dream if you’re okay with sacrificing a night’s sleep in the process. the idea is to wake yourself up during an REM sleep cycle (specifically around 4-6 hours after you go to sleep, when dreams will be the most vivid). some sources say to get up then, spend about an hour meditating or reading about lucid dreaming, and then go back to sleep, but personally, this works best for me if i just roll over and go right back to bed. when your alarm rings, you’ll snap out of whatever dream you were having, and if you go right back to bed, you should be able to fall right back into the dream with the knowledge that it’s a dream. 

ive never had this technique fail, but it always leaves me super tired the next day

upsides: pretty much guaranteed lucid dream, not too much effort

downsides: you have to wake up six hours into your sleep, which is Gross™

now, if you really wanna put in the effort. there’s the WILD, wake-induced-lucid-dream technique. as the name implies, this technique attempts to bring you right from wakefulness into a lucid dream. it’s a long, complicated process — and in my personal opinion, it’s not much fun — but if you do it right, your chances of getting lucid are huge.

basically, you’re going to allow your body to fall asleep while your mind stays awake. you get in bed, lie in the corpse pose (on your back, arms at your sides, legs out, etc), and meditate. focus on your breathing as it comes in and out, and center yourself. then, relax your body bit by bit — starting with your feet, then your ankles, your calves, etc. when you’re done, your body should be deeply relaxed

then just. lay there. you can use your mantra from MILD, or steal a bit of inspo from VILD and start visualizing your dream. eventually, you’ll start seeing hypnagogic imagery — those little blobs of color and light that dance in front of your eyes as you’re falling asleep. you may also feel vibrations, hear auditory hallucinations, or even see things, if you open your eyes. you’re basically inducing sleep paralysis; your mind is awake, but your body is asleep.

dont move, no matter how weird it feels. keep your eyes closed, and focus on the hypnagogic imagery until it starts to form objects, places, people. soon, you should be able to just snap right into whatever scene builds before you, fully lucid.

ive only tried this once. i got to the vibrations, freaked out, woke myself up, and stayed awake the rest of the night with insomnia. it’s... probably my least favorite technique. 

upsides: huge chance of getting a lucid dream, and u get some Funky Hypnagogic Imagery on ur way

downsides: sleep paralysis is VERY likely, weird feelings all around, ridiculously hard to master especially if you have trouble stayig focused

those are the Main Four techniques! there are some that take even more effort than WILD — like ADA, all-day-awareness, where you’re supposed to force yourself to be awakre of everything 24/7 so the awareness will bleed through into your dreams — but in my experience, these four are the most likely to get results.

aside from these! there are also supplements you can take, hypnosis tracks you can download, guided meditations you can practice — basically a whole bunch of shit you can do on the side to increase your chances. but if ur like me and u dont have the time/energy to do all that shit, just stick with MILD, and you’ll see results soon enough!

[actualalienfauna]

I said I was going to talk about my experience with lucid dreaming, so here we go.

I have been practicing off and on for almost 3 years. I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, and remember almost all of my dreams. Before I started, I was somewhat familiar with the concept, but was formally introduced to it by my darling about 7 months into our relationship.

I’ve had some success, but still have a lot of learning to do. I’ve had one truly successful lucid dream, which I will talk about in a bit. I’m good at staying awake through the odd body sensations, but frequently fall asleep before the final “drop” into the dream, or my body jolts me awake before the dream can start.

If you’re not a natural lucid dreamer, training yourself to become one can be very difficult, but there are a few things you can do to start.

1. Keep a dream journal. This is something I’ve just started doing, because admittedly I was skeptical that it would actually help with the process at first, but I’ve heard from numerous sources that it can be a powerful asset, so boom. Doing that now. 2. Do reality checks throughout your day. This is something that helps your brain begin to form a hard line between a dream and reality, so you’re able to easily identify when you truly are dreaming. This can be something as simple as looking at your hands or at a clock. The hand check is used because your brain can not add fine details to things like hands in a dream. The clock check is used because time is not something that is typically accurate or linear in dreams. 3. Repeat a phrase in your head as your body falls asleep. This allows you to train your focus and keep your mind awake. Not everyone needs to do this, but I find it immensely helpful, and here’s two reasons why: 

• when you try to lucid dream, you want to trick your brain into thinking that you’re fully asleep. This means you must keep your mind minimally active during the process of falling asleep, while avoiding nodding off entirely. Repeating the phrase can help prevent drifting because it allows you to aim your focus on one thing, instead of “chasing the rabbit” when you start to think of something else. You must come back to it whenever you start to drift, though, which can be difficult.  • it is something to focus on while experiencing unusual body sensations. One thing that lots of people don’t realize, is that your body does little “sleep checks” to verify that you’re actually asleep. If you’re not trying to lucid dream, you won’t feel any of these because you’ll be sleeping by then, but if you are trying to, they’ll become painfully obvious. I’m not familiar with all of them, but I’ve personally experienced random intense localized itches in multiple places on my body and auditory hallucinations (not the ones I hear in my waking life). These have the ability to wake you back up. They can get so intense that you can become distracted and physically react to them, waking yourself up. If you focus on the phrase, you can start to power through these sensations and effectively ignore them.

I’ve tried two phrases. “I am going to lucid dream” and “mind awake, body asleep”. I find the most success with picturing each individual letter as I repeat the words. 4. Ten minutes of meditation a day. This helps you form a more complex relationship between your body and your brain, and will slowly help you gain control over your own mind. This can be immensely helpful if you’re trying to train your focus. 5. Listen to binaural beats as you sleep. This is good for relaxation and can be additional help when focusing as you enter your dream.

So those are a few tips. One really important thing to note is the chance that your lucid dream could go south and turn into a lucid nightmare. Lucid nightmares are no joke. In a lucid dream, you know you’re dreaming, you’re typically able to control your dream, and you can wake yourself back up. With lucid nightmares, you’re still aware you’re dreaming and can manipulate your dream to an extent, but you can lose the ability to wake yourself up.

On the topic of lucid nightmares, let’s talk about my successful lucid dream. I don’t want this to prevent people from trying to lucid dream, but I do want it to be an example of why you should try to exercise caution when practicing. I should preface this by letting you all know that there was a set of circumstances beyond my control that likely influenced this dream, namely the sudden and severe drop in my mental health. I had this dream about two weeks prior to being sent to the psychiatric hospital, where I was diagnosed with PTSD. I am almost positive that the increased mental distress that I was experiencing was what caused the nightmare.

This is still the most vivid and horrifying dream I’ve ever had. I was fully aware that I was dreaming but did end up losing the ability to wake up.

I was in a world ruled by a 5 gods. They fought for the position of head of their pantheon, and were selected by a mysterious power that judged them based on a truly disgusting competition that consisted of killing humans in the most violent, repulsive ways possible. I was floating above everything and witnessed hundreds of thousands of deaths. The sky was a dark orange and filled thick with clouds, there was a red mist that hung in the air, and landscape was dead and barren. I saw people being forced into what I can only describe as a massive meat grinder, there were people being crushed by machines, burned alive, and disemboweled alive. I saw people literally ripping each other apart and being forced to cannibalize each other, there was “living” razor wire that would coil around people like a snake and slowly squeeze tighter and tighter until the person was cut into small pieces, there were cages full of people who were being sliced up by massive spinning blades, and at one point I witnessed a group of people spontaneously sustain injuries that would only really happen if they were hit by a train. I frantically and desperately tried to save anyone I could, but was unsuccessful every time and only ended up seeing their deaths up close. I will never forget what their screams sounded like. I woke up sobbing, and luckily my darling was there to hold me afterwards. This dream really fucked me up.

I don’t know how to conclude this post. Lucid dreaming can be fun and exciting, and I find the process of attempting to be quite enjoyable. Yeah, shit can go wrong, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying again and again. I love dreaming. It’s one of my favorite things to do, and the idea of being able to control my dreams is thrilling to me.

I hope you enjoyed reading this and/or found it useful. As usual, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

[ririofalltrades]

“Nightmareland” by Lex “Lonehood” Nover

Chapter 1: Sleep Paralysis

Ohhhhh ho ho, what a fun subject to write about. I've been experiencing sleep paralysis (SP) for as long as I can remember. As confirmed in this first chapter, SP is actually pretty common. I know quite a lot of people who can confirm experiencing this strange phenomenon themselves. 

This chapter went over a couple of interesting points. Despite experiencing repeat episodes of SP myself, I’m surprised (always surprised) that I never looked into it with any vigor to understand what I was going through. I’d google SP and see Fuseli’s oil painting ‘The Nightmare’ and think to myself, “That is EXACTLY what is happening to me!” and then go on about my life. I kind of figured it came with the schizo. I also learned that people with PTSD and narcolepsy are more susceptible to SP episodes than others, but that comes at no surprise to me.

It’s fascinating to learn that such a significant amount of people, all over the world, are haunted and afflicted by very, if not extremely, similar experiences with SP. People report the same inability to move regardless of being completely conscious, account a heaviness on their chest, and experience horrifying visual/auditory hallucinations. It’s intriguing to read about how SP inspires and feeds the imagination of many artists and the lore that is born in other cultures/countries telling a story to make sense of what people are experiencing.

I think the most intriguing piece of information I read about was on SUNDS: Sudden Unexplained Nocturnal Death syndrome (WHAAAT?!). The only thing that would carry me through a psychotic episode was telling myself, “It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real.” Even though I could see them, feel them, hear them, I could always tell myself, ‘Well, at least they aren’t real and can REALLY kill me.’ As I look more into SUNDS, sudden unexplained death (SUD) and sudden cardiac death (SCD), I am shocked to find that most studies were done on Southeast Asian [men], data collected from Japan, the Philippines, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, China, Cambodia. These men essentially died in their nightmares.

Nover mentions that in the early 1980′s, young Southeast Asian immigrant men in the US were dying mysteriously in their sleep at a rate higher than the combined top five causes of death for other American men in their age group. At that time, medical studies led to inconclusive results and the cause of their deaths made no sense; a majority of them were healthy and reported no illness prior to falling asleep. 

Professor Shelley R. Adler, a professor in the Department of Family and Community Medicine and Director of Education at the Osher Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, revisited these incidents from a medical anthropology standpoint and perspective. She has been studying nightmares and sleep paralysis for over 25 years. She interviewed men and women, mainly from Laos, about their traditional belief systems and experiences with SP. Apparently, in their culture, there is an evil nocturnal spirit that can smother or crush men and assault women in their sleep called the dab tsog. They believed that they were more susceptible to the attacks when they did not honor their ancestors with rituals that would typically involve an animal sacrifice, something you definitely can’t do here in the US. 

Below are a few drawings of apparitions that I’ve seen, and still see, during a visual hallucination. I started drawing the dudes more consistently in 2017, but I have’t drawn any in a while. It's kind of hard. 

Also, possible trigger warning for that last photo. Or maybe, for all of them.

[demiromanticmickey]

I've not really talked about how much I hate fireworks prior to this year, and that's because it wasn't a huge issue for me before.

Last year, I moved into a new house, and my new neighborhood has been setting off fireworks for months now. It's literally hell for me!

My old neighborhood that I lived in for like a decade - no fireworks ever. Not even for 4th of July. So I was fine there.

But apparently this is like a nationwide phenomenon that everywhere there's fireworks going off all the time now - which what the fuck - so who knows if it's any better over there.

And this is not just an 'oh I don't like fireworks' type of thing. No. It's a real fucking trigger for me. I'm constantly flinching, or falling out of my bed, or ducking and covering my head because I think someone just shot a gun or a fucking bomb went off!

Not to mention I have auditory issues (like tinnitus and auditory hallucinations - thats fun! /sarcasm/) that are only made worse by this shit!

Thunder also fucks me up. I literally cannot sleep during a storm. If I'm awake when a storm starts I can't fall asleep until it's over. If a storm starts while I'm asleep my body will wake me up before the thunder even starts and it's still just like regular raining because that's how much my body hates thunder!

I know there's nothing I can do about the thunder, but any type of loud, exploding noises are just very bad for me!

And the thing is, nothing I can think of has made me this way. There's no traumatic event tied to me hating these noises. It's just how I fucking am! It's how I've always been! And it just really sucks!

So all this is to say, if you're setting off fireworks you're a fucking asshole!

[nathank77]

6/6/24

6:11 a.m

Idk what to do about weed. I am having visuals of her follower number going to say 59 when I know it's 60. And that wasn't happening consistently before weed but it did happen before weed but not like it is now.

I use it as reference cause I know exactly how many followers she has. Where as a number say online it could say 589 and be 590 and I wouldn't know.

I saw a black cross in my vision like lower towards my frames.

I'm fucking pissed. I know it was, "real," aka a hallucination.

Then I look at fact: the auditory was manageable before Mike. Then I smoked and it got annoying and intense. It talked during our whole session. That's not normal anymore that was like 5 months ago... yes it talks sometimes when I'm talking... but not like that. It seemed the weed just made it be like that.

What else do I know factually: I fall asleep faster. I stay asleep longer and I don't have to pop a million different pills to fall asleep and fall back to sleep... on pills only I get 7 hours. On minimal pills with weed I get 9 hours....

This is so unfair cause it comes down to two things:

1) does it worsen symptoms?

2) does it improve other problems?

And then why am I living this shirty life for no reason? Last time I smoked was 2:18. I sat in silence and it seemed that it was actually really quiet and nice I managed to sit in it for over a hour away from my AC.

It also seems white noise is the enemy... it makes it louder. As does any high volume level.

Why don't I commit suicide? Idk. I want to. I really want to. I have nothing. Idk whats making me hold on..

My quality of life is shit. That red bull day with weed was amazing. I felt like myself. I felt happy. I felt the way I miss feeling.

Idk what to do. Only smoke at night before bed and to fall back to sleep?

Only smoke when it already feels intolerable? I mean at like say 3 a.m. it's always intolerable... but it gets worse throughout the day... the longer I'm awake.

I mean whats more important quality of life, feeling a pep in my step, feeling motivated, feeling happiness, feeling like myself and feeling more calm in the chaos?

Or fucking shit quality of life and worsen symptoms? What if it adds up to something?

Then I think why not smoke and just wait until it gets bad and fucking kill myself? I like sleeping for 9 hours. I like fall asleep fast. I like having a real red bull day. I like being silly and having fun.

This life I live without weed it dry and boring and awful..

And sometimes it's like the weed improves it temporarily and when I sober up it gets worse. It's a confusing shit sandwich

Cause why don't I kill myself? Idk. I don't think there is a girl out there for me. I don't think there is a family out there for me. I don't think there is some cat free family out there looking for a dad to step in and be a father and husband. I'm putting myself out there as much as I can muster and I'm going to keep trying but my mood greatly effects this.

Feeling like shit all the time cause I lost my antidepressant and anti insomnia drug is killing me and Kristen is out there living her best life fucking untouchable as I suffer.

And why don't I just end it? Smoke it up feel like me. Have real red bull game days and then off myself.

If this was cancer and I was terminally ill I would live it up. Once my quality of life went down the shittier I'd end it.

Why not treat it like that? This is terminal. This is the end. There is no light. There is no girl. There is no family. And I can't even smoke weed without having hard evidence that's it's worsening symptoms such as 6 hits equal worse tactiles. It's fucking undeniable.

I'm at my ends rope. I want to die and part of me is like why keep fighting for my 0 quality of life when I can go out with a bang and die high and happy. I can die high and happy you know. All I got to do is do it. I'll fall sleep feeling high and happy and then black nothingness no more pain.

I've had too much pain for one life to bare and when we get down to it.... when i had a couple flashbacks with weed I was like that's not important my present is. I'm here right now and I'm safe. When I feel that way sober I get panic attacks.

Like it helps but it's also hurting. I can't deny hardcore evidence. .

But let's be real, there is no single mom out there with no cats who needs a guy to step in. And weed could make me see people walking around. The voice could get louder. Intelligent. Creative and scary. I won't believe it but that doesn't change the volume. That doesn't change everything else.

What's makes matters worse is I realize even when I don't hallucinate, I can have what I call a loud thought. It's not actually a hallucination. Like loud music at a rave. And I know it's not a hallucination.

What's the real concern? I have flashbacks of chipper happy birthdays and they sound so close to the real thing and it feeds the hallucination. If I think happy birthday which I do a lot cause of the damage it did to my language pathway... it can play off of my imagination and also be an auditory hallucination. It's something I've realized as I smoked weed actually.

I know what is and isn't an auditory hallucination... but the problem is those loud flashbacks hallucination play a role in giving the voice a voice and I'm not able to stop it.

Sitting in silence away from the white noise was enlightening.

Weed seems to have a duel effect. It can make it better. It can make it worse.

Idk if I'm just going to do it at night for sleep or something or wait for it to get really Intrusive and then smoke and seee what happens or if I'm just going to go out with a bang.

This life I'm fighting so hard for isn't worth it. I live in poverty. I have no-one. No friends. No family. I'm lucky I have a pot to piss in. No luck of ever finding someone.

And weed makes it slightly more tolerable. It's a light but it is infact worsening the hallucination.

My choices:

1) continue being sober and absolutely miserable and fight for this trash life.

2) go out with a bang. Smoke weed. Play games, drink red bull. Sleep well! And call it terminal and wait until it gets worse and die high happy and in a slumber. I mean it's terminal. It's not getting better and all I want is a little fucking weed to brighten my life up. Sure I can do moderation but that's what I'm doing and It seems the symptoms are worsening.

Why not go out with a bang? Being thin isn't enough. Losing weight is not enough. Going to the gym and looking like i used to but way better is not worth it.

It isn't worth it If I feel like trash 24/7 and can't sleep without 500 sleep aids....

Still waiting on Xanax might I add... if only I smoke weed without worsening my symptoms so I can get off benzos and fucking sleep right?

If only I could game and drink red bull and smoke pot. If only I could have a drinking party and get blasted and still sleep but oh wait I need benzos to sleep so that's a suicide wish. No drinking parties for me ever again

I'm kinda leaning on a this is terminal approach. Go out with a bang. Go out being fucking Nathan. Not some watered down miserable version of myself.

I'm 90% dead anyways. At least I'll feel alive before I do die. I mean I'm not going to find that cat free house with a family who is my soulmate.

My life is going to be what it always was. Poverty. Loneliness. Ptsd. Ocd. Auditory hallucinations. And the never ending shit storm i can't stop cause those loud thought flashbacks of happy birthday won't stop cause I hear it 700000000 times a day. ..

It's been over. I've tried. And I've survived. ..

Unfortunately though surviving is not living.