#fail unexpectedly

[marlynnofmany]

Finger Talking

Captain Sunlight had said that these clients didn’t speak any trade language she’d ever learned, and as I caught sight of the two intelligent being who looked like the end result of what happens if hummingbirds nudge into anteaters’ ecological niche, I didn’t find that hard to believe.

They were green-feathered, flightless birds, with long beaks, longer tongues, and clawed feet dexterous enough to type out messages on the big keyboard they had laid out on the ground. It looked like the kind of thing I would have danced on as a kid. I pretended that I wasn’t imagining doing that now, as the shorter of the two sent a message onto the display screen that they wanted to haggle.

Mur stepped forward, tapping my ankle with a tentacle to say he had it covered. “Oh, you want to pay more? Double price, please.”

The beaky birds were of course grumpy about this. The short one typed quickly in a fashion that I was amused to realize was hunt-and-peck.

I looked down at Mur, who was cheerfully braiding grass with two tentacles, and waving several others like he was conducting an invisible squid orchestra. He was enjoying himself.

The screen beeped that the message was ready. It read, “We know our rocks are valuable to you. Ten barrels of your rocks for each barrel of our rocks.”

Okay, I hadn’t actually known the price that had been set ahead of time for this little exchange. These folks didn’t use standard currency, so when they sent out a request via random traveler for someone to bring them coal — something that was scarce their planet — in trade for shiny rocks that they had in abundance, Captain Sunlight had gone for it.

And if the rough gemstones bedazzling the cart that these birds had come in were any sign, we were about to make a very good deal no matter what the exchange rate was.

Mur said, “Two for one is already pretty generous. I’ll raise it to three, how about that?”

The birds conferred with each other briefly, making noises that echoed like someone trilling their tongue down a long tube — which was a pretty accurate description of what was happening, really. The short one typed in a reply.

I caught a glimpse of “8 for 1” before the alien technology did what technology everywhere does best: it failed unexpectedly. The screen spasmed wild patterns before going dark, and no amount of punching the keys made it light up again.

“Hm,” Mur said to me. “This could put a crimp in things. Maybe we should call Coals or Trrili?”

“They mostly do written translation,” I said. “And Trrili doesn’t strike me as the tactful sort.”

Mur twirled a tentacle to say I’d made a good point, while the birds tried to revive their tech with no luck. “I guess we just throw out numbers until we hit on something they look happy with,” he said. “This is going to be rough.”

“It shouldn’t be too bad,” I said. “At least they’ve learned the language, even though they can’t speak it. Honestly, I’ve had worse conversations before my vet training covered Gorilla Sign Language.”

He looked up at the unfamiliar word. “Nationality?”

“Species. Long story. Remind me to tell you about Citizen Animals on Earth.”

The birds were starting to disassemble the keyboard casing, using their claws like precision tools (though the tall one gave me the impression that more vigorous smashing was an eagerly-anticipated Plan B). They looked up when I stepped forward, holding up fingers.

“Five for one.” I flicked the fingers one at a time to count. “Five of ours, for one of yours.”

They caught on immediately, and luckily for all of us, they had the right number of talon-fingers to make this primitive conversation work.

Mur was no help, standing two steps back and holding up excessive numbers of tentacles, entertaining only himself. The birds and I managed to ignore him.

We settled on seven-for-one. I could have pushed for six, but I felt bad for them, and anyway I knew that we had the coal already portioned out into fourteen crates. The math was easier this way.

As we walked back toward the ship, to start bringing out the crates that Blip and Blop were unloading at the door, Mur chuckled beside me. “That was fun. I want to come up with ways to communicate like that more. Maybe cheating at table games.”

“I’d offer to teach you some actual sign language,” I said, “But everything I know is designed with fingers in mind.”

“That’s okay. I don’t need proper language to beat the scales off Eggskin. C’mon, it’ll be great. I’ll win several rounds in a row, they’ll get annoyed and demand to know how, I’ll explain, then refuse to give any winnings back. Perfect plan. Great times.”

I had to smile at that. “We’ll see,” I said. “First let’s finish the actual business.”

“Yep, yep, can’t forget that,” Mur agreed. “Maybe we’ll play table games with expensive rocks as tokens, like the high-society snobs we all are.”

“Sounds like great times to me,” I said.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

[guardian-of-da-gay]

inspired by this post cuz the only thing I love more than my OP blorbo losing it and going apeshit is my OP blorbo losing control completely

also this is my first Sonic fanart yay

[pioneer-over-c]

aideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnn

[yinwaryuri]

Why did it take me nearly 24 hours to realize that Jaab and Jeng have the same method of showing affection?

[truly-quirkless]

[@themultiversebundle | Plotted in DMs!]

It had been a rather quiet day, yet again..so Fin and Yagi had decided to walk about town. The tall blond still got a few odd stares, and every now and again, someone would walk up wanting an autograph. It had taken the world time to get used to Yagi as he was now- and while the whispers of 'the Symbol of the Dead' weren't exactly welcome...it was better that than All for One in the streets.

"What do you say to dropping by Smoothie King before we head back to the school?" Yagi's suggestion hadn't been in the air for more than a second when he bumped into something- or rather, someone. He took a stumbling step back, his smile instantly transforming to apologetic as he raised his hands. "Ah- sorry about that! I didn't mean to bump into you."

Huh....Fin wasn't exactly the best at Heroes, but this one...didn't look familiar. They'd seen a few ever since their rise in Hero society, but they had yet to see one that looked so...robotic? It wasn't like Ingenium or his younger brother, Ida- this felt...different.

Their eyes flickered towards the nearby store the stranger had stepped out of- revealing an interior beyond the door that very much wasn't what could be seen through the glass. They immediately jumped towards it- but the door slammed closed before they could catch it.

"Shit...!"

[saints-who-never-existed]

"Seconds in command are a fascinating, if somewhat doleful, bunch: their labour is often as great, or greater, than those under whom they serve, and their character is less often blemished by egoism and hubris. After all, if it had been, they'd never have lasted very long in such a nearly commanding position. Sometimes, however, when the firsts are fallen, the story of the seconds takes on a grim and strange fascination: we yearn to see how they will perform when the mantle of responsibility is fitted to their shoulders."

Russell Potter reviewing Smith's 'Captain Francis Crozier: Last Man Standing?'

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[xx-vergil-xx]

everyone go watch dave made a maze right now

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

what the fuck was this january

[terrainofheartfelt]

You know, I wonder what Dan and Blair were doing in 5×18 when they were listing off the times they were caught. What kinks do you think they were doing?

sloooooow down bestie I don't think it was anything too kinky lol I don't think they were given enough time to get that far.

there was a great audrina fic that I think is now lost to the ether, that sort of hits on some of those. I think what they're really hitting on with that dialogue is the comedy of hours they've encountered in trying to get laid because they have got some SILLY living situations.

like, Blair's roommate is her best friend and her boyfriend's ex (awk), and Dan is living with his dad and stepmom (a stepmom who also just happens to be the mother of Blair's best-friend/roommate/partner's-ex.

so I guess my headcanons are just...well let's take it line by line shall we?

I moved the condoms from the dresser to the nightstand / that's one I don't care to relive: I'm seeing that in the mad scramble to find the prophylactics they lost precious time and someone (Lily) walked on a half dressed Dan digging through his dresser.

the time my dad and Lily / Twice. : I bet the first was right after 5x17 ended, when they were full on making out in Dan's living room, and BOOM, in walk Lily and Rufus. The second time was quite similar, Dan had pleaded for them to clear the apartment so he could have a date with his girlfriend, they end up making out in the old brown armchair, they get close, and then come in Lily and Rufus again.

Three times less than Serena went into our shared bathroom : just did the math that's FIVE TIMES. what chaos. though knowing these two and their neuroses they probably froze as soon as they heard even a hint of a noise. and like, Serena doesn't strike me as someone with a quiet walk.

How does the housekeeper filling in for Dorota not know how to knock? : The housekeeper covering Dorota's maternity leave 10000% saw Dan's butt. I know it.

Nothing is in our way way / Not even another unfortunate unzipping incident. My poor Prabal : in their horniness they broke a zipper on Blair's dress trying to get it off after it got stuck (this hc is lifted from that lost audrina fic, but I stand by it)

it comes back to them being so smart but put together their smarts cancel each other out and also they are so horny for each other it makes them extra stupid and they have the worst possible housemates.

[fluffybunnybadass]

so, funny story

have finally looked up/found the reason why reddit has been acting up the way it is, and WHY several "obviously this would exist publicly" communities were unavailable to me awhile back when i was like, trying to look up a few things wrt gamecube and before that something that involved trying to get into r/playstation-like channels? or whatever? and i was just like "what the fuck??? this MUST be some weird glitch again like that one time" and then it never went away

then a few days later i started seeing all the welcome redditors posts and i was like "okayyyy......? idk what happened but i'm sure i'll find out thru dash osmosis like with literally anything twitter"

and then i never did

so whatever my last rb or so was was finally what made me go "what the fuck actually happened idgi im so fucking done with everyone talking about what happened WITHOUT ACTUALLY SAYING WHAT HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK"

.

.

.

and now i know why my previously handy-dandy question-answer service is currently experiencing so much difficulty. which sucks. because it was seriously the best way to find the answer for various things that were over a decade old and google stops giving you proper fucking result pages nowadays so "just google it" is a fucking invalid response to a question anywYs in the first fucking place ON TOP OF THE INABILITY TO FUNCTION AS IT ONCE DID--

anyways. i hope the protests win out so i can rely on something again, bc i had FINALLY found reddit useful and beneficial for something and then the site had to up and go ruin that--

[humbuns]

Not sure if this will interest people but after catching up with nb and letting this simmer in my head for a while, I kind of want to look at the parallels between these two so I will ramble:

As og tags point out, Lucifer's existence must severely look like a big contradiction to Luke. I imagine the Celestial Realm must have hit hard on the message of the supposed wrong he and his brothers must have done contradicting their Father's wishes, and if we are following actual biblical lore, it will be one of the first few instances where sin was introduced into the realms. (The sin in this case was free will, a concept that must have been foreign to them) So it's a given they would constantly talk about what started and what ended that day. It's important to learn from history's mistakes in order not to repeat them.

So we have an angel (a child) who is being taught about a hero and a villain. One of heaven's highest blessings, a kin of your kind, betraying your family and everyone you love and becoming the being you are innate to hate.

Then you meet him. You want to hate him. You HAVE to hate him, but you can't. Not when you see how much he cares for his brothers. Not when you see your own pseudo-father/brother also silently mourning and rejoicing his passing and rebirth. Not when you see how truly tired he is. Especially less when you find out what was the reason for his fall (Protecting his family, your family.)

As much as he was born and taught to fight evil, Luke was also raised to love and care. He hates demons, but how is he able to pick a side without holding doubts when he develops a connection with said enemy? How can he blindly follow what he was raised to believe when it's not so clear cut to pick a side as he thought it was? (He would still stay with Simeon and the rest of the angels, however, because it's safer and it was the role he was assigned too,  he doesn't want to disappoint)  It's easier to judge from a distance after all, because you don't have the attachment to be hurt by then.

But now Luke is attached, he has the weirdest estranged uncle(s) who has an awful personality and teases him yet they will both care so much (Neither will admit it, because again, it's safer that way).

They were taught to be so different, yet they are the same kind, and for an angel who still has many centuries to learn while a former one has lived long enough to understand, it must be straining. They would want to interfere in their lives, but they just can't. It's why Lucifer detaches himself from any one who wants to approach him ( e.g. MC, Simeon and Diavolo) and Luke insists he doesn't understand demons (almost to the level of ignorance) because it's just less of a risk of hurting themselves and more importantly, others. 

They are both a constant reminder of the burden and failures of their existences. They can't escape it.

birds of the same feather?

[krawdad]

I had just bought a new battery for my tablet pen now the screen has crapped out

[gojosprettyprincess]

Boyfriend Yuji who's obsessed with your boobs!

Both are twenty ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

“Yuji! Can you stop fucking staring at my breasts for a second and actually listen to me!” your glossy lips formed into a angry pout as you glared at him with annoyance. Arms crossing furiously beneath your boobs—slightly lifting them, making your cleavage even more visible through your low-cut top.

You were babbling to him about some steamy drama that unfolded at your workplace today but it seems like his absent mind had taken interests in something else.

It's like his eyes had an invisible string connected to your tits that forced him to look every single second. His mouth slightly gaped in awe, mind running wild as he imagined what the mounds of flesh would feel like under his calloused palms—well unfortunately for you, he let his intrusive thoughts get the best of him today.

You yelped unexpectedly as he groped your soft tits together—squeezing them as if they were squishy stress balls, making both spills out of your top even more. Both of his hands were engulfing them, he started fondling with them like some sick perverted man but you quickly intervened before he got the chance to successfully pop them out of your top.

You quickly slapped his roaming hands away. “Yuji!, You fucking pervert!”. You furrowed your brows together as his ears turned crimson, he embarrassingly scratched the back of his neck, laughing as if it were funny.

“Sorry baby, they just look really soft and squishy all the time, can't help myself”. He chuckles, trying to play innocent as if his pants didn't just grow tighter after hearing you calling him a perv.

Yuji loves riling you up like this—seeing his hot, attractive girlfriend all pouty and angry, calling him filthy names that never failed to make his cock stubbornly hard and horny but he won't ever admit it.

[sttoru]

tags. dad!toji x wife!reader. fluff. reader gets called ‘doll’

“toji, you’re gonna break that thing,” you stifle a laugh as you watch your husband’s muscular form squeeze into one of the playground equipments. megumi is on his lap, giggling as he gets to experience what it’s like to go down a slide with his parent.

toji rolls his eyes and grumbles something along the lines of ‘the damn brat forced me to’. you know how weak that man gets when his son looks up at him with those big, sparkly blue eyes. you’d have given in to megumi’s requests as well if you were in his place. thus you don’t blame your lover at all.

“papa, go!” the little boy pats his dad’s thighs, excitedly smacking the muscles. the pure glee on his tiny face makes you smile as you witness the scene from the bench nearby.

“give me a sec, kid,” toji responds with a grunt. his legs are pressed tightly against each other, trying to wiggle down the slide. his body isn’t going anywhere— not even moving down one centimetre.

you can’t help the laugh that erupts from your throat while you watch toji struggle. the confused and impatient look on megumi’s face as he glances up at his father is pure gold. “papa go?” your son pouts and squirms.

this is embarrassing for toji. he can’t wait to get off and go home. the only thing he can do is pray that no one else sees this view of a grown ass man stuck on a slide.

you pull out your phone and start recording the hilarious sight. “hun,” you call out to toji, covering your mouth while giggling behind the camera. “you can do it!”

your humorous encouragement makes the dark-haired man kiss his teeth, “tsk, quit that.” he manages to move his legs in a certain way so he could glide down. the process however is quite. . slow.

toji’s body stutters and goes down the slide in a wonky way. megumi is not amused at all as he sits there and stares downwards, cheeks puffed up. he expected to go much faster than this.

the toddler looks like he’s about to complain the moment he reaches the bottom.

“mamaaaaaa!”

as expected, the little boy quickly hops off toji’s lap, leaving his humiliated dad sitting at the end of the slide. megumi runs off to you and jumps up onto your lap, an angry yet adorable frown on his face. he whines and hugs you, refusing to face your husband who’s walking towards you.

toji scoffs at the sight. “oi, you ungrateful little shit,” he comments and crosses his muscular arms over his chest, “y’ should be thanking me for squeezin’ my ass up on that tiny thing.” he glances down at his son who’s clearly sulking in your arms, disappointed in his performance.

you’d usually scold toji for using such foul language around the kid, though you can’t stop yourself from giggling at the situation. megumi actually got offended by his dad being unable to properly go down the slide with him; it’s adorable.

“no, papa shit!” megumi retorts unexpectedly, causing you to laugh even louder. you shake your head and try to make a serious face - to reprimand your child from saying such words - only to fail.

toji clearly didn’t expect the boy to mimic him again. he raises an eyebrow and you know he’s not going to hold back. that man will fight anyone, even his own son who’s only a toddler.

“whadd’ya say there, bud?” your husband huffs and takes a step forward. megumi squeals as he feels the intimidating aura of his dad get closer to him. he squirms off your lap and runs off into the playground, squeaking.

you watch your child scurry off in attempt to escape toji. you grin to yourself, seeing the excitement return on megumi’s face at the aspect of playing with his parent.

toji runs a hand through his messy black hair as he sees the toddler run around the park, excepting him to follow and play with him. he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it’s adorable how his son never stays mad at him for long.

it perfectly describes the father-son relationship they have. he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

toji then shoots you a smirk, leaning down so you’re face to face. he flicks your forehead gently and pinches your cheek, reminding you of one thing before going off to chase after megumi;

“i’ll be dealing with ya later for that video y’ made, doll. don’cha think i forgot.”

[it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined]

I mean god yes buy them (I've hung onto all of mine) but also probably be aware that no form of physical media lasts forever. Remember that CDs and DVDs got degraded and scratched just from everyday use (aka the reason I own four copies of the 1995 Persuasion DVD ahahaa)?

The disc plastic is only going to get more fragile and brittle with age and it's worth being aware of how much more carefully you have to handle and store them as time goes on.

HOLD THE LINE!! KEEP PUSHING!!!!!