#facts there. if anything it's best to assume people you don't like are miserable enough on their own but that's just me

[antonblastdeluxe]

A lot of people really just need to stop engaging with fandom discourse in general. Like by all means set your boundaries but I think you've gone off the deep end if you're in discord servers talking shit about people over ships or characterization of fictional characters in general, no matter which side you're on you have to recognize that's toxic and awful for your mental health. And you really should just learn to block people and make sure your boundaries are clear.

[cazzyf1]

The other day on my tiktok I created a simple post about how James Hunt is more than just the Playboy persona that is associated with him. This flew over someone's head who commented about how he was a Playboy. I responded explaining the point of the video but instead they doubled down saying that James didn't care about F1 only about partying.

So today I went through some of my books and gathered a load of quotes to show the James Hunt that most people do not know about, the one outside of the Playboy perception. I've posted it on tiktok but figured I'll upload it here as well so the true James Hunt can reach more people and slowly we can dismantle the reputation 'Rush' gave him ❤️

TW: Depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms/addictions

When you think of James Hunt you think of the 'playboy'. The guy who partied, drank lots, took drugs and slept with lots of women. Its true he did that, and a lot but to dismiss him as just that is wrong. He was a good driver, a person who tried his best, a kind man who cared for human & animal rights.

The next few slides I've compiled quotes from a few books and website to show what kind of person he actually was and what he went through in life and that less people will dismiss him as just a Playboy.

James Hunt's first marriage was rocky because James was already very involved in his addictions and he knew he didn't love Susy because he felt that he wasn't capable of love. But he felt responsible for her and wanted to look after her. Here is his own opinion from his book ->

"It was really THE problem. I thought that marriage was what I wanted and needed to give me a nice stable and quiet home life, but in fact it wasn't and the key mistake was mine. I really wanted to go racing on my own, and it wasn't much fun for Susy to sit at home and wait for me all that time. It was also a terrible hassle for her to come racing because race meetings were probably the most relaxing time in my schedule. The rest of the time you tend to be leaping on aeroplanes once a day and that made it even worse because it's bad enough organizing one person to get on an aeroplane. Organizing two gets to be twice as much hassle. It got to the point where it was a problem for Susy to come travelling and a hell of a deal for her to stay at home. It was making life miserable in the extreme for her and since I felt responsible for her it was making me miserable too. So we had agreed to split up and then Richard Burton came along and solved all the problems. We had had an immensely successful marriage because I learnt an awful lot about myself and life and I think Susy did too. We all ended up happy, anyway, which is more than can be said for a lot of marriages" - p14 Against All Odds

Much is said about James Hunt and the ladies he kept company, and without knowing anything about James you might assume the worst, but here's some quotes about what he was actually like with the ladies ->

"I don't usually have sex before a race because I am very definitely concentrating -I find that it is the communication between two people that makes it worth- while, and before a race I am pretty uncommunicative. However, if say I have an hour or so to spare before dinner on the night before a race then I can enjoy the physical release. But I will only do it with someone who is fully understanding" - p15 Against All Odds

"He was always attentive to his partners needs. Indeed much of his satisfaction came from giving pleasure. The only problem, some of them confessed, was that his desire to please often out-stripped their needs" - p264 James Hunt: The Biography

"I was sure he was gay, because he never made a move on me for so long" - p278 Jane Birbeck, long time partner, James Hunt: The Biography

"He missed the actual skirmish - he was inside getting drinks at the bar - but had to be forcibly restrained from going after the policeman who hit his girlfriend" - p284 James Hunt: The Biography

James Hunt had many affairs in his time, because he had become an addict to many things including women (more on this later) He was aware of his and it plagued James that he couldn't control it ->

"One evening she returned to their London home to find James in tears. He was tormented by feelings of guilt caused by his lust for other women. He confessed the full extent of his unfaithfulness, that it was unfair to her and that for her sake they couldn't remain a couple. It wasn't that he was bored with her, but that his desire for other women was insatiable and uncontrollable. He held Jane in his arms and they both wept" - p320

One thing that helped James in his life time was his love for animals especially his pet dog Oscar. Here are some quotes about his love for animals and how far he would go to help protect them ->

"I think in a way Oscar was the child James never had at that stage. He was a remarkable dog, no question, but James thought a lot about animals and their requirements and was very concerned about their needs. He gave Oscar the very best treatment and also was keenly intrested in the welfare of other dogs. He would look at a dog, wonder if it's owner was treating it well and bringing it up properly and if the dog was getting everything out of life that it could" - p281

"Before he came to know James better, the journalist Nigel Roebuck was pleasantly surprised by an incident involvinged stray dog. It was late in the evening after a Grand Prix and tha teams were packing up to leave when James, while talking to Roebuck, saw the dog wandering around the paddock, shiver-ing and obviously very hungry. Roebuck, also sensitive to the needs of an animal in distress, went with James to several of the team motorhomes where they got food and fed the dog. But that wasn't the end of it as far as James was concerned. He insisted that they should take the dog up to the race control centre.

Roebuck: 'He took the dog in there and would not leave until he was sure it would be looked after. James actually made this official sign a piece of paper saying he would take care of the dog and see that it was housed and properly cared for. I was very impressed with this. James was probably one of only a handful of people on this entire planet who would even give that sort of thing a second thought." - p281

"He also thought the wild animals residing on his estate should be left alone. If vermin had to be controlled it should be done in the most humane way possible, and he strongly dissaproved of blood sports. The very thought of fox hunting he found horrible and he vowed not to allow it on his property" - p308

James was also incredibly caring towards the young people in his life such as his sons and his younger siblings. Here’s an extract from his first GF about James and his siblings ->

".. the way he expressed his concern for the emotional youngest members of his family:

He really enjoyed looking after them, and just seeing the way the behaved with his little brothers and sisters you knew was instinctive in him. He was always going to be a good father.

One evening he invited her home where he was babysitting Jo Jo, Dave and Tim. When James had tucked them in he left Ping to read them a bedtime story. When Ping came downstairs James asked her if she had helped them say their prayers. When I said no, James said: "Right. You've missed out hugely there. Come on, we'd better go and do it." So they did. His attitude was that he was taught to do that by his parents and it simply had to be done.'

But he also practised what he preached, and he believed in the power of prayer. In the troubled years to come James would pray to God for strength and help, and he eventually passed on the bedtime prayer ritual to his own two boys, to whom he became completely devoted.

During his time with Ping he had talked about having children, and she thinks fatherhood earlier in his life would have prevented James from sinking into his period of decadence.

I felt so sorry for him then because I knew underneath it wasn't the real James doing this. I think he was trying to make life happy, the wrong way. If he had settled down earlier, had a more normal home life with children of his own when he was younger, one could have seen a totally different James.' - p26

James Hunt cared for human rights especially taking a stand against the Apartheids in South Africa. The Apartheids in short was a system of racial segregation. In protest most sports were not going to South Africa but Formula One still was, and James Hunt made it clear his thoughts

->

“We were once covering the South African Grand Prix during the days of apartheid. All of a sudden, and for no particular reason, he launched into an attack on apartheid.

“It was nothing to do with the Grand Prix, nor would it do British-South African relations any good. Our producer pushed a piece of paper across saying: ‘Talk about the race!’

“And then James blurted out on air: ‘Thank God we’re not actually there!”

But simply calling out Apartheid on the air wasn’t enough for Hunt. He sought to have his race commentaries blocked from being broadcast in South Africa, but was unsuccessful.

When that didn’t work, he instead — and secretly — gave financial support from his income as a race broadcaster to groups struggling to end Apartheid in South Africa."

"His deeply compassionate and loving nature was something that, unfortunately, wasn't adequately conveyed to the public, who only ever heard about the sensational side of James Hunt" - p282 John Watson

As mentioned earlier James Hunt was an addict. His playboy lifestyle was his addictions and this is all rooted back to the fact that James Hunt had depression which grew stronger and stronger. He relied on his additions to get rid of his depression which meant he kept doing more and more. Here are some quotes about his struggle with it and eventually how he overcame it ->

"At home James became increasingly introverted, uncommunicative and reclusive. He gave up golf and spent more and more of his time in the aviary tending his budgies. While the parties continued he would often leave the guests to Sarah and closet himself in the aviary for hours on end.

It became obvious that James was very troubled, but only Sarah and his closest friends knew the full extent of the anguish and despair James suffered during his bouts with what he called his 'dippers'.

Black dog' was the term Winston Churchill used for the recurring 'depressions which afflicted him throughout his life. Bubbles Horsley thinks James was 'born with a "black dog" on his shoulder. His racing pushed the "dog" away far enough so that it was no longer visible. But underneath that wonderful joie de vivre, the laughter and enjoying life, he was given to black moods. He was fearful of them and maybe it was that fear that drove him on. Perhaps without it he would never have been World Champion.

'And I think after the initial "honeymoon" of retirement from racing the black dog came and sat on his shoulder and wouldnt go away. So he became more fearful and sought distraction in various ways, through sex and drink and drugs and rock and roll, as it were." - p323

"At home Sarah watched her husband's condition worsen and desperately sought to help him. She thought his depressiond might partly be due to a chemical imbalance that James was born with, a theory that James explored himself. Then, too, to keep his dippers at bay he consumed too much alcohol and marijuana, both of which can temporarily bring relief but over the long term on have depressive effects.

Like others, Sarah felt that another reason for his 'dippers' might have been because he cut off his emotions early in his life and never learned how to open up to people, or to need them. He was essentially a lonely man and his inability to form close relationships made him despair. His depressions further deadened his feelings, and when he was unable to respond emotionally to marriage and children he grew progressively more despondent.

Sarah: 'He was at war with himself. His depressions became Intolerable and towards the end he stopped trying to fight them coming on because he knew they would take over for two days or week. His face would go black and he would take to his bed and stay there, even on Christmas Day. He'd gone to bed two days beforehand and we had Christmas stockings for the boys. I said, Come on, Beast, the boys are waiting." And he said, "Beast, i can't do it." And he was crying" - p333

"When James felt a "dipper" coming on he would go on two- or three-day benders, mostly drinking vodka. He would just keep going and going, which was always a bit terrifying, and after these deep, dark blank days he would suffer real self-loathing. He could forget his trouble with drink, but it always came back.

For many years trying to get rid of his depression was his major concern, which is why he got the budgerigars. He thought it would be such a huge amount of effort that it would distract him and they became an obsession rather than a hobby. He would sit in the aviary for hours, but he would come back still in the grip of gloom. And for a long time he was so down it was very hard to even converse with him." - p326

"He tried different treatments acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine and looked into every possible theory. He went to different healers, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, the lot, to try and find the root of his depression. And in the end he cracked it" - p337

"He began to become more diet-conscious and to eat healthy foods. He also consumed information, in books and magazines, on overcoming addictions, and sought more professional help.

He knew he should stop smoking cigarettes and reduce his marijuana consumption, and he told some friends he thought he might be an alcoholic. He worried that his need for women was another form of addiction and feared he might contract AIDS and infect someone else.

John Hogan: 'So he stopped it all. Straightened himself out by absolute willpower. The strength of character of the man enabled him to get out of it. He cut out the cigarettes, the dope and drugs. the booze and the womanising and his sense of priorities became more well-balanced.' - p338

As he started healing himself of his addictions he became serious about F1 again. He always cared for the sport, doing everything he could to race when he was younger and now though he was retired he still commentated and took part in other ways to stay close to the sport ->

"James became serious about strengthening his position in the media side of Formula 1 racing. He took on an internationally syndicated newspaper column and spent many hours gathering information for it. Working with a journalist he applied himself conscientiously to making sure that every word was written to his satisfaction" - p338

James started to heal his relationships as well, becoming an amazing parent to his two boys and finally meeting a woman who helped him feel loved and be able to love after so long of not being able to ->

"The boys were real handfuls to look after but he was awfully good with them and he really fathered and mothered them extremely well. He was always up early in the morning cooking their breakfast and then the four of us would go off salmon fishing. James would fish properly and I would fool around fishing with the youngsters. And then in the evening we used to settle down and he would tell them stories." - p343

A letter James sent to his girlfriend Helen:

"I went to the parents' 50th in a totally negative frame of mind, feeling very much an outsider and wanting the floor to swallow me up. As the day went on, although I remained 'out- side', I could see and feel lots of generous, undemanding love around me. Something changed for me there with my family. Everyone was exuding love and I saw the wonder of it and want to be part of it, but firstly with you.

I realise now that the feeling of not being loved as a child made me close up to any incoming love projected onto me. I do see that I cannot live on without love. You brought it home to me when you pointed out how well I'm doing with the boys. Well I have had to work at that and I've got better at it and I have to do it with you. You are the girl of my dreams. Without you I have no future. I want to make you happy and continue to do so until I die.

All my love for the love of my life,

James"

- p350

Finally James was happy. He was healed from his addictions, in a healthy relationship, had two lovely sons and a job he loved. And best of all he was able to be open with Helen ->

"James confessed to Helen that he was unable to be faithful to anyone in the past because sex was for him just another addiction and he needed women to get his highs. He disliked social gatherings and only had parties or went to them to pick up women. Helen was willing to forgive and forget what went on before, but told him she wouldn't tolerate it in their relationship and he agreed to be faithful to her." - p350

Helen went away on a girls holiday before her and James were going to start trying for children. James proposed to her over the phone on the holiday to which she said yes. But she would never see her finance because he passed away from a heart attack. Unfortunately the previous life he lead caught up to him.

Thank you for reading all of this and I hope you now know more about James Hunt than you already did! It's sad that James is best known now for his unhealthy coping mechanisms for his depression, especially with the film 'Rush' romanticising it. But even if just one person reads all of this it means one more person knows the truth of James Hunt and that makes it worth it ❤️

[yuu-kumeii]

So this seemed like a major oversight on both your parts. 

Now, you're responsible for not regulating or even watching over your husband-to-be but it's also his fault for being so trigger-happy about finally living together. That's right, both of you finally decided it was time to buy an apartment to yourselves mostly because it was getting sort of inconvenient to leave your things at each other's apartment since at times you both leave things that you use semi-regularly. For example your spare toothbrush, it's not like you don't have a toothbrush it's just the fact that one time you lost it and you haven't bought a backup toothbrush since you forgot that you left your spare toothbrush at your fiance's apartment.

And sometimes he'd forget important things at your place too, that included the keys to his apartment. How you ask? Well funny story, he thought he was going to stay over but his friends decided "It's time for a surprise get together and we're going to your place in about 20 minutes". Which is absurd but not out of left field considering the people your fiance are friedns with, but then it ended up in him rushing through your apartment to get his bag, putting on his shoes and dashing out the door. Forgetting his keys and making you drive all the way to his apartment to give it back to him, but fear not you ended up staying the night after hanging out with his friends.

Though back to the present, it looks like you have a problem on your hands. An Alaskan sized problem. That's right, your fiance bought an Alaskan king sized bed for just the both of you in your new apartment which definitely doesn't have enough space for it especially in your guys' master bedroom. So what ended up happening was the bed getting put in the middle of your empty living room surrounded by boxes, which still took up a lot of space despite the fact that it was already a big apartment. You could still walk around just fine, it's just the overwhelming presence of the bed made it feel a lot bigger than actually was. It just took a good chunk of the floor but it feels like it took the entire room.

As much as you wanted to immediately give back this behemoth of a bed, you can't. At least today. Because both you and your fiance wanted to spend the night in your new apartment, that's why you both bought a bed first before anything else. 

Turns out it wasn't the best idea since your fiance ended up being so excited to sleep in your new apartment that he didn't look at the sizes available for the bed properly and just picked the biggest one because he assumed that it would be a queen sized bed. Oh how wrong he was because apparently the mattress store he was buying from was one of the only stores that had bed sizes up to Alaskan, what are the odds.

So given this predicament obviously you both ended up just sleeping in the living room, which wasn't too bad other than the fact that it felt a lot more open than the master bedroom. Another big issue apart from that was how you were so far apart from each other, you both decided to pick one side of the bed and thought that you would be able to sprawl across the bed therefore taking a lot of the space. 

WRONG

You both sleep like curled human balls of density, both of you are one type of person that would take the least amount of space in a bed which is the opposite of what you want in a comically sized bed. Now both of you are just curled in your little corners of the bed missing each other and it's even worse because you can't turn you around to find each other because you're separated by the length of one full size bed, which is the equivalent of you both being separated by a gap the size of two hypothetical people. Clearly both of you are miserable, you're shivering despite the the blanket you have and he's just sad because he can't hold you.

So what was your solution to this? It was to shimmy closer as the night went by, not even bothering to wake up and tell the other person to just scoot over. Oh no, both of you decided it would be better to just move silently until you both meet in the middle of the bed and finally sleep like normal. Pressed against each other while you hug the blanket and he just lives off of his own natural heat as well as yours, finally together after about 2 minutes of agonizing separation across the sea that is your mattress. Just goes to show that love is strong and it can overcome any turmoil or maybe it's a lesson for you to always have your fiance consult you before buying anything for the both of you lest you want another one of these situations.

When morning rises you still find yourself pressed against your fiance despite the fact that it's a weekday and both of you have to get up, so you try to get up but then realize the true problem that this bed gives both of you. As you try to roll your way to the edge of the bed there seems to be too much bed so you ended up falling asleep about half the way there, while your fiance still in dreamland, subconsciously feels the lack of presence and also slowly scoots his way over to you. Tucking you back into his arms and resting his chin on your head before immediately going slack once more, all the while you sleepily reach towards the end of the bed before giving in to your desires. Turning back to face your fiance and snuggle into him as you lament the work day that you missed as well as the potential workload you'll have to deal with tomorrow, which doesn't sound so bad if your fiance has to suffer in his own way just as you will. 

ATSUMU <333, BOKUTO &lt;33, HINATA &lt;3, Lev <33, Kuroo <3, Kageyama, Hoshiumi, Oikawa (But only if he constantly complains about being too far away from you (on the bed) )

[baxterstockmanisthecenterfold]

old follower from when you were Baxterstockmanismyson, why'd you delete your old blog? What made you come back?

I pretty much explained why here

But to some it up basically, I was just sick of the harassment & constant hateful responses my friends & I Myself would receive almost daily because of the most simple opinions.

Hell I actually remember this one time I was making a rant about 2012 Stockman's character mishandling & I brought up the Rise turtles for 2 seconds & even made a stupid joke about how I'm surprised no one accused the 2012 ones of racial profiling & this one user took it so seriously they harassed me & my followers the rest of the day

I also can't help but find this bit from them ironic considering they could have did the exact same thing with my post & followers.

This isn't even a one time thing too. As I just said. The fandom would just take EVERYTHING too seriously & attack anybody that disagreed with them in any shape or form & a lot of my best friends at the time were victims of cyberbullying because of them including me. Yes I could have ignored them, & most days I did tbh, but every once in a while there was always that one miserable person that just wanted to PERSONALIZE their attacks to me just because I said I didn't like Apriltello or something & they made their insults PERSONAL, to the point where I couldn't help but NOT ignore it. I already suffer from Anxiety and Depression & EXTREMELY low self esteem to the point where I second guess my talents. From my art to my appearance to even questioning why I still exist. If I should even STILL exist.. At that point in 2021 when I deactivated Baxterstockmanismyson I had already been going through enough stressful situations in my life, worrying about a ton of real life personal stresses in my life. And the unnecessary bullying from the fandom consisting of grown ass adults mind you was the last thing I needed. I had actually received yet another hateful message in my askbox because of one of my hot takes the day before I deactivated & it honestly fucked me up majorly so it was the last straw. I deactivated & I overall QUIT & Left the fandom entirely ever since, I just didn't see the point in staying anymore when there's little to zero good memories in it.

I would be lying if I didn't say I did miss some aspects. The one thing I missed the most being Baxter himself. Any version of him. Especially considering he's actually the entire reason I even got into TMNT in the first place (but a story for another time). He's beyond my favorite character, he's my comfort one, my boy ever since I was 12. Then Mutant Mayhem was announced along with the fact that Baxter was in it (& played by FUCKING Giancarlo Esposito) my interest was peaked to say the least. Especially after I found out he looked like this

I'd even say it was honestly the only reason why I saw the movie (even if he was only in it for 4 minutes) which I admit even outside of Baxter, I did end up enjoying it. It was also nice to talk about tmnt again to my Girlfriend & a once mutual friend at the time. Just making it our own personal bubble having zero contact with the fans, especially as I saw literally NOTHING changed just by people's reactions to Mutant Mayhem April smfh. So I assumed it was the right choice.

Another year went by. Things are different once again, that mutual friend I mentioned earlier is...no longer our friend.. and it was back to radio silence in terms of anything turtle related. I had started collecting figures at this point in time & with the release of Human 1987 Baxter & Mirage on the way, I figured it wouldn't hurt to FINALLY add Baxter to my shelf like I always wanted to years ago. Even finally start making custom figures for him that don't exist & it was a fun, exhausting but also therapeutic experience in a way. Especially getting the chance to finally look back at the mad scientist all the way from day one. From schulpting, to talking about him & even looking up other perspectives on him. Even if it was mostly misconceptions like always when it comes to him. And it got to the point where I wanted to let out an outlet to just really let out Stockman talk & facts about the guy that no one knew or already did but with a story behind it. Even taking inspiration from AskSpideypool's @ sciderman & their blog being the most dedicated blog to really get & understand Wade Wilson & Peter Parker with pages worth of history to back up the knowledge. It's honestly how I feel with Baxter Stockman if I'm being legit with you. So about maybe 3 months later or so, I decided to create this new blog, a new start. A blog to just really share & show all I know about Baxter & even find other people that feel the same way. Just a little Baxter bubble that I can have & feel safe in. It's also why you noticed I haven't shared NON Baxter stuff on here yet. To put it short. I'm not really back in the TMNT fandom. Sure I'll post about Baxter Stockman. But that's the ONLY thing I'll go as far as posting. I wasn't too far off when I said I only watched MM for Stockman & the fact that the fandom hasn't changed their ways based on MM April's reception.

I want absolutely nothing to do with the fandom's drama or possible drama the second I step into current TMNT events & I share my thoughts on them even if I had thoughts anyway, I honestly don't really care anymore aside from Baxter.

To sum it up: Unless it involves Baxter, I genuinely don't give a shit. So a heads up if I'm ever asked about something non Stock related like my thoughts on this video game or this ship ect I'm gonna ignore it. I just don't have the mental strength for the drama anymore. And it's not like the fandom itself even cares about Baxter let alone care enough to get mad over a hot take about him which I've yet to see (aside from some 30/40 something year old idiots on Instagram & Twitter that genuinely believed he was always a white guy & him being black is new) so I feel safe in my Stockbubble.

Anyway, hope that clears things up. Both why I left & how this new blog works.

[agustsmuse]

Libra | KSJ

Pairing: Jin x Reader

Genre: Non-idol AU

Synopsis: Jin surprises you with an unexpected gift on your birthday. One you'd always hoped for.

WC: 1.2k+

Posted: 18 September 2023

The air was crisp, the sky clear as you stared at the stars overhead. You just needed a few minutes, a breather, a little quiet. It was your birthday, another year swiftly passed and here you were sitting on the ridiculously overpriced outdoor couch on top of your friend’s rooftop to escape your own birthday party. You loved the gesture but so many people began to get a little too much. Hobi was hosting and he knew how to throw an amazing party.

Jin had wanted to take you out for a nice quiet dinner, that's what he'd suggested to Hobi but with Jimin's birthday just around the corner too, he simply HAD to make it a big get together.

So here you were staring at a bottle of Jack Daniels, millions of miles away from reality. Waiting for something to pull you back down but what you wanted would never come.

Or so you thought.  

The sound of a door opening caught your attention but you hadn't fully pulled yourself back to earth. The wind brought that familiar scent to you, you knew immediately who it was. You didn't have to come back to reality just yet. You were safe.

“Mind if I join you?” Jin enquired as he walked over to you. 

“It's peaceful here.” Jin assumed that was a yes and sat down next to you.

His eyes rested on you. You'd been friends with Jin for a while. He knew everything about you, remembered all the little things no one else ever cared about. There was a bond between the pair of you that neither of you had with anyone else. He loved you, but never said or did anything. The man full of confidence turned into a shy little boy whenever he was around you. 

Jin had been a serial dater for the past several months. He'd come back to you complaining about how painfully miserable the date was, how dull the conversations went and if he was feeling particularly Jin-like on those days, they couldn't handle his personality. The last one you couldn’t even remember why they broke up. Something about him putting in enough time or effort.

In the poor girl's defence, he did spend most of their relationship with you.

"Too much?" He asked, pulling you back to earth when she slipped a stray hair behind your ear. Greeting you with a soft smile. "There she is"

You blush, covering your face.

"Don't do that!" He pulled your hands away, holding them so you couldn't hide again. "It's just Jinnie."

“I appreciate the surprise” You state, in defence of your departure. Your fingertips and Jin's absentmindedly playing with the others.

“I did try to tell him but he wouldn't listen,” Jin sighed, defeated in his tone. “I wanted to take you out, have dinner, maybe a movie or both and we could have cuddled up on the couch. Just the two of us. I don't like all these people around either.”

He wasn't shy about wanting to spend time with just you, nor was he shy about his love either, admitting just how much was the problem. Jin regularly said he loved you, but you, one of two idiots in this equation, only thought it was platonic, a close friendship, the two single friends making each other feel better. He squeezed your hand to make you look up at him instead of your intertwining fingers. He felt the alcohol burn in his throat or maybe it was the words he wanted to say and really mean them. Declare that, in fact, he did not want to be just friends with you.

“Thanks for my gift” You distract from your pounding heart as you lock eyes with him. He’d given you the prettiest new necklace, one he knew you'd been eye up for quite some time. Of course, chocolates and flowers too. Your favourites, without fail. 

“You're very welcome,” he replied. "Always the best for my best girl."

Failing into a peaceful silence again, you pass the Jack between you both for a little while. 

“Can we talk?” Jin said, breaking the silence.

You nod for him to continue. Clearly something was running through his mind.

“I haven't been entirely truthful to you” He admitted, blinking nervously. Jin lied to you? He would never. You'd lose all faith in him, and men in general, if he had. He was one of the only people in your life that would never betray you. Like he could see your mind going into a panic, he quickly continued. “I met someone"

“Oh, I'm happy for you.” You lie, heart shattering into tiny little pieces. You forced a smile regardless. You'd be happy for him no matter what. 

“She's quite amazing actually.” You didn't know if you wanted to hear about this woman but his eyes lit up like dynamite and his smile was so big at just the thought of this woman, you didn't interrupt him. "She has all the right reasons to be a mean person but she's not, she's kind, patient and loving, even if sometimes people don't deserve it. I wish she knew how amazing she is and even if I told her until I was blue in the face, she probably still wouldn't believe me"

"She seems nice."

"I'm not finished" He shushed you. " You can share all of your secrets with her and know they are safe. She makes me laugh even when I don't want to laugh and without even trying too. She's helped me through some of my most difficult times and I'll never be able to tell her how thankful I am. She supports me, cares for me, loves me in ways I never thought anyone would even want too."

"Maybe you should be telling her this?" You felt sick at this point, blood boiling over a woman you didn't even know. Ready to tell your best friend and talk shit the minute the two of you were alone.

“Y/n, you’re my favourite person in this entire world, my best friend but I want to be more than that,” Jin admitted. What now? His heart raced as he scooted closer to you “I love you and I want to be yours.”  

"That's not funny, Jin." You had tears welling in your eyes.

Without hesitation, he leaned in to kiss you. He could feel you smile into the kiss, his hand caressing your cheeks.

You eventually allowed yourself to break the kiss briefly “I’ve loved you for a while. Too Long” You confessed. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Why didn't YOU say anything?" You asked with a soft giggle. 

“I... Yeah... Fair" He laughed, His brain scrambled for one coherent thought. Instead opting for the obvious...

His lips met yours again. You moved your hand from his face to his neck. His hands slipped to the nape of your neck, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. He didn't even care about the need for air until he heard applause, hollers and cheers from inside the house. The boys and their partners, which included your best friend, were standing behind the window. Your best friend and Hobi standing cuddled up with each other with shit eating grins on their faces. 

“Finally!” Yoongi yelled. 

His ears turned bright red, nuzzling his face in embarrassment into your neck as you let out a soft laugh.  

“Happy birthday, Y/n,” Jin looked at you once again with a soft smile before you pulled him in for another kiss

authors note: this fic was written for my amazing best friend, @lifeinakpopbubble's birthday. i wish you the happiest of birthdays and can't wait to see you open your gifts and spend the day with you!

i didn't plan on posting this so soon but she's impatient.

tags: @sopebubbles-read

[moonstruckme]

okay I’m sorry love but I have to rant and didn’t know who to rant to so I hope you don’t mind😭

so Valentine’s Day is coming up and all my friends are talking about their Valentines and it’s kind of upsetting knowing I won’t have one (and haven’t had one in years but this year it hit me hard for some reason, which seems dumb to me. Maybe bc I’ve never made a big deal out of Valentine’s Day like ever) and I like this guy who seems out of my league even though he’s a bit of a nerd (really knows his random history facts) but it’s so cute to me. He’s just total opposite of me, tall, skinny, really pretty, pretty much a god. I know I’m not that ugly but I’ve never seen myself as attractive or anything like that. But I feel like since he’s a twig and I’m a bit thick I would totally get into my head about it 24/7. I’ve only known him this year and it would be weird to even think that anything could happen since I don’t know him as well as I do my other friends but I want something to happen, you know? Like for once I want a relationship with a guy who I think could actually make me happy if it were to ever happen. And I feel miserable when I think about all this stuff. I guess I just kind of need some encouragement maybe? I don’t even know what to do about any of this and it’s hurting me a bit.

Once again, sorry for the rant. Your stories are the best, keep it up darling! love you <3

Hi gorgeous, I don't mind at all!

Maybe it's because I've been single for so many years, but I think we should ban romance from valentine's day! Fuck the original intent, valentine's is for the girlies so we can wear pink and worship heart-shaped things and enjoy little treats. I think it sucks big time that vday is a sad day for so many single people, and that society seems to be saying we should take this time to mourn the relationships we don't have. But! That's just my rant and not at all a reflection on you sweetheart. It makes total sense to feel bummed and a bit lonely if all your friends are celebrating in a way you can't really particpate in! I hope there's a way for you to enjoy the day (even getting yourself some discount chocolate when it all goes on sale)

About this boy: I highly doubt he's out of your league, babe. I mean, I don't know him, but I think to call anyone "pretty much a god" is probably giving them a bit too much credit. And from the sound of it, you're way underestimating yourself. I'm kind of going on the assumption that he's part of your friend group but not one of your closer friends, which I would assume means that on some level, he already likes you enough to be in the same social circle as you and hang out around you. Having a crush like that can be so thrilling and torturous at the same time, don't get me wrong, but I think there's definitely room for possibility there! Maybe you could try getting to know him better within your group? Maybe if you guys start talking more and become more familiar with each other, something will start to spark there? And in the meantime, try to remember how lovely you are. I'm positive you're doing yourself a disservice here.

Update me if you feel like it, love you <33

[marshmallowprotection]

I’m super sick RIGHT before a vacation I’ve been waiting a lifetime to go on 😭. Can I whine and complain about it to Unknown ? 🫶

You were miserable.

But, Unknown told you that was going to happen if you stayed in the rain like that. He wasn't in the same position you were, sniffling and in a mess of whatever blankets you could find, he was smart enough to get out of the rain before it seeped into his clothes.

You jumped up as soon as the rain came and begged him to dance with you. He gave it a minute of standing with you before he let go and you twirled, laughing like it was something you knew like the back of your hand.

He couldn't lie, he liked seeing you like that but he didn't want to deal with this.

You looked ridiculous then and you looked ridiculous now. You had a fever that would only get worse if you didn't have something to cool it down. Frankly, he was surprised you weren't delirious, but you had a lot more strength than he thought you did. 

He still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but hey, he didn't need to find a new assistant because of it. You weren't the best at your job but he didn't have a choice. You knew how to follow orders even if you had an attitude.

He had to take what he could get, and it wasn't like he was going to let you go anywhere after he went to the trouble of getting you in the first place. 

"Boss man..." you croaked from the couch. "I need attention..."

"No, you don't. I just filled your cup with water and I changed out your wet rag, and I doubt you need anything else at this point. You need to sweat it out," he scoffed. His fingers continued to type the next string of data before you whined again.

"No, I'm on my deathbed here, could you at least throw me some pity?"

"You're not dying."

"Boss, I'm dying. I just want you to remind me that you care about me so I remember that on the other side. It's the only thing that will bring me peace in death!"

Unknown sighed.

"Please?"

He pushed his chair away from his desk so that he could get up and check on you again. He found you, once again, in a state of delirium. Your face was flush from the fever and your eyes were glossy from what he could either assume were tears or exhaustion.

You were a mess. You weren't going to be able to work for a few days because of this. It wasn't like you did much work in the first place, but he appreciated the fact that you could do anything at a moment's notice when it needed to be done. A sick assistant wasn't going to do anything for him.

Why did you even want attention in the first place? When he felt the way you looked, he would collapse on the couch and sleep for 6 hours as long as the work behind him was taken care of.

Why didn't you do that? 

He removed the rag from your head, pressing the back of his hand against it, recoiling as soon as he realized how hot it was. That was not okay! But, he had done about as much as he could for you. The only thing left was to jam more medication down your throat to try another round of fever reducers... it'd been long enough to try that again.

"You sound coherent but you are delirious."

"I'm totally in my head! I just want you to give me some pity... please, boss? Tell me you want me to feel better... how can we get our work done if I don't feel better...?" you looked at him with pleading eyes as he shifted closer to you. "Make it better for me."

"I've done everything—"

"Kiss it," you muttered.

Unknown stared at you, deadpan.

"Haven't you heard of that? Granted I don't know anything about your childhood or how you were raised, but most people, when they get hurt or sick, their guardian will kiss their booboo and make it better. That's all I need to feel better. Go ahead, kiss the fever away, boss. I can even say pretty please?”

He didn't know what to say to that.

Another part of him damn well understood that you were the kind of person who wasn't going to let that go. So, against better judgment, he decided to press his lips against your forehead. You sighed, almost contentedly, and he pulled away before you could make a comment about it.

It seemed as though that was all you wanted because you didn't have anything else to say after that. 

Maybe it did make it better? 

No, that was probably a pseudoscience. 

His kiss would never save anyone... he was the dragon that locked up the helpless fool.

[scumtrout]

Something I don't see discussed very often (outside of Gabor Mate books, maybe) is that sobriety seems great on paper but sometimes you end up reaching for an escape hatch because, for whatever reason, your current circumstances are untenable. And technically, while sober, you should put your time and energy into finding circumstances that are not untenable, but THIS IS HARD and the untenable circumstances are themselves a drain on time and energy. I'm not saying that any of this is okay or that there aren't ways to find 'virtuous cycle' (e.g. exercise, volunteering, meditation) coping mechanisms, but it's pretty difficult to pull a 'virtuous cycle' coping mechanism out your arse and have it help immediately when you're at the point where you DO need immediate help/escape.

The difference between a 'virtuous cycle' coping mechanism and some sort of narcotic is that one is like piloting an aircraft and making a controlled landing because your training and circumstances permit it, while the other is like pulling the lever on an ejection seat (which means there's a risk of it fucking you up in the process because ejection seats are not Nice).

And there's something to be said here for how, if all you know is how to pull a lever on an ejection seat (the ejection seat is appealing because you pull a lever and! hey! instant result! it's scary but maybe less scary than trying to attempt a controlled landing THAT MIGHT FUCK YOU UP EVEN WORSE), you're just going to use the ejection seat every time even though it beats the shit out of you. Everything is calculated risk but at least the ejection seat is predictable in its behaviour.

Anyway tl;dr I'm fine but a project at work and my current life circumstances are making me miserable again and I don't have many outlets for it, so I'm drinking a bottle of wine while telling myself, 'I'M OKAY SO LONG AS I DRINK A NORMAL AMOUNT'. But I do think that sobriety is like... the stars have to magically align and you need to hit 3 out of 5 on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for you to even remotely enjoy sobriety. (If you're at a 3 out of 5 on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, then I'm genuinely happy for you.) Also the whole idea of 'sobriety' is weird as fuck, e.g. I spent years technically sober while also taking antidepressants (I'm a girl scout and I took the 'don't drink while on psych meds' advice to heart) to an extent where I absolutely felt like I was under the influence of something. The experience of coming off venlafaxine could probably merit its own trip report. To this day, I'm still reluctant to go back on any kind of psych meds because 1) I want to keep them as a Hail Mary Pass for when nothing else is working and 2) there have been people in my life who were/are like 'your meds are FINE! you are FINE! nothing could go wrong as a consequence of you taking the meds!' when uh actually... the meds are still drugs? And brains have a lot of 'moving parts' that make it difficult to predict how the meds interact with them? Just because the meds are sanctioned by a doctor, that doesn't mean I wouldn't give them the same amount of respect/caution I'd give any other psychoactive substance. I have a lot of trust in doctors by default because I'm not dumb/arrogant enough to discount the advice of experts... but, as with anything where you have to consult an expert, you also have to account for the fact that they're just human beings and you might get fucked over if you uncritically assume they have your best interests in mind, so a smidge of professional scepticism is in order.

[rosecoloredknight]

You don’t have to stalk someone’s page to notice things lmao it’s just obvious when I’m scrolling and I see you typing paragraph responses to asks that you asked them yourself? Lol

Yep, that's what I figured as well; a lot of variables that's why I didn't want to say anything. Tthey could still call cap on you, but that doesn't matter.

Point is, you noticed it, decided to point it out, and that's okay. 😊😊

I came clean about the ones I sent myself and why I did, you agreed with me that it was pathetic and that's it.

Your last asked tho where you're so condescending about it I just responded with a "👍🏽"? I didn't need to prove you otherwise and didn't want to. However, I do in fact have a good group of friends here that "actually care enough about my life" (not that it matters), "to ask me questions" or however you stated it.

—

let's get a little lmao and lol about this - you know.. maybe just maybe, I blocked this ask, did a little look around, saw that I had you blocked without actually blocking you, unblocked you again, and now I'm responding to this ask. Or let's say I couldn't unblock and recover this ask myself — so I sent Tumblr support a ticket about it, and I used my charmness to state "oh I blocked the ask by accident, can you pretty pretty please be my knight and hero and unblock it/them" etc, and boom, I'm here, like you stated, writing paragraphs about it? Or maybe , I can only unblock you but not recover the ask, which then throws everything I just said to the trash because I'm writing this. Was I that or am I that pretty to do that 😱🫢🤔? Or maybe I didn't/don't need to do all of that because like you, it's pretty obvious who sent these asks, which is ironic you know?

By the way, are you only following a handful of people here that only post once or twice because I answered these two previous asks around 4 hours before you actually responded so I'm pretty sure they would have been lost in the dashboard of abyss. Or did you see it earlier than that but just now responding to it? See? I'm considerate about it 😊 lots of variables. I apologize for not stating that you might have just seen them through the dash. I actually thought of it while I was crossing the street with my nephew, but then forgot to edit and add in the ask.

Can we please move on from this? you called me out, I responded, you agreed with my "it was pathetic of me" response, my friends here think you're shitty on how you responded, miserable to also even care about it and want me to block and trash you, I don't want to think about you that way or call you out because I know who it is and I'm just letting you be, and lastly, I'm assuming you could care less about the responses because 1. You just don't care and 2. it's amusing to you for the most part. Am I missing anything? It's not a big deal tho, different folks, different personalities.

That being said, again, thank you for sending the previous asks. I was able to just vent here and on my other blog instead of moderating myself in fake asks. I appreciate you for that.

I don't know if you slept since you sent this ask, but if so, I hope you had a good night's rest and uh just take care of yourself, anon. Oh, don't forget to remind your friends/loved ones that you appreciate them, hug and annoy your loved ones if you can, eat, stay hydrated, look up, BREATHE, and just do your best, however your best looks today is enough. Life is a blessing ✌🏽☺️

If anyone made it this far, can you please send me a random ask about how you're feeling, what's something you're excited about, your pet, what your day is looking like, or how about this— any book/movie/show recommendations?

anything for me to respond other than the same previous topic.

[souridealist]

so a couple of different stories I've enjoyed recently were rattling around my head at the same time, and then my wife encouraged me (sang Hmm) and now I present to you: the final fantasy vii party watching Hazbin Hotel

(contains Hazbin Hotel spoilers, and also, is probably incomprehensible if you haven't seen hazbin hotel. also I haven't finished rebirth yet so it's possible this alludes to some stuff in the original game that rebirth has yet to cover, I don't know)

they have to stop for at least twenty minutes after "more than anything" because Barret is gone. he's gone. full-on sobbing on the couch. goes through half a box of tissues while aerith pats him on the shoulder. only the fact that marlene is asleep saves her from getting snuggled for an hour.

ever after he will tell you his favorite character is Charlie out of how hard he is relating to Lucifer yeah.

Aerith's favorite is absolutely Angel but like. in a way where she initially just though he was hilarious and she loved his lack of fucks and then episode four hits her with "It's not an act! It's who I need to be!" and she's just sitting there on the couch like WOW OKAY WAS NOT PLANNING TO GET CALLED OUT BY AN ANIMATED SPIDER TODAY

Tifa's favorite absolutely one hundred percent actually is Charlie

she just really likes the cheerful warmhearted compassionate girl

who says fuck

and was raised in a miserable slum but still sees joy in life and chooses to reach out to people

and has long braided hair down her back

that's just a character she finds really appealing is all

Red at the back of the room very quietly choosing violence: "There's a surprise."

(for all that Aerith rags on Cloud for being an idiot, I'm not sure she actually manages to run this math)

speaking of Red he kind of finds the whole thing extremely human and bemusing but when asked to pick a favorite he thinks it over very carefully and decides on Husk

and given how bad Husk actually is at maintaining the disaffected thing, yeah Red is telling on himself a little too

Cloud is actually not having a great time because between the really frank sexuality and the bleak humor the show is pretty significantly beyond his comfort level but he's not willing to like. actually admit that.

he also really hates Alastor. nobody but Yuffie actually likes Alastor but Cloud in particular just absolutely refuses to countenance that a single thing Alastor does could be anything besides him playing every single other character completely heartlessly and insincerely and to their detriment

neither the general anti-Alastor consensus nor the mass booing of the Vees is what has Cait Sith going "ha ha ha hoo anyway I'm gonna go wash the moogle, aye?"

that's episode six, when he finds himself actively bowled the hell over with envy for Emily's innocence

he still catches enough of the last two episodes to catch Alastor's total breakdown in the finale about coming to care for these people

hoO! he has something to do anywhere else suddenly! goodnight guys good talk good show

meanwhile Yuffie's entire reason for being the single pro Alastor representative is that she appreciates that he's got style. in, you know, a creepy old man way

she absolutely does not understand significant chunks of angel's dialogue but she is RAPTLY interpreting the context clues

Cid is honestly just waking up for the songs (yuffie is in charge of kicking him when his snoring gets too loud) but he does genuinely like the songs

he actually enjoys Adam because he likes that musical style best and also finds Adam funny, and like. the guy is funny. but Tifa and Aerith are both judging him a little

he does NOT notice this

he does have another favorite when asked and it's Sir Pentious. it's the blimp, he respects a good blimp.

Vincent is hanging out at the back of the room but everybody kind of assumes he isn't paying attention until someone looks over during "Out for Love" and realizes he is silently but openly weeping into his collar

he already liked Vaggie best but after that one he's really attached

rate of party members who eventually end up humming at least one song from the thing: 100%.

[mangodestroyer]

Did anyone else get some very unpleasant advice about "healthy lifestyles" growing up?

I mean, seriously. I remember being taught that "raw fruits and veggies", specifically "raw greens like broccoli, kale, and spinach" were the SUPERIOR way having a high nutrients, low calorie diet. SPEICFICALLY if you did nothing to flavor them/didn't dip them in anything (except maybe a tiny bit of peanut butter). Also, avoid red meats and eat unflavored, broiled chicken and fish. Only eat a tiny desert once a week. At most. Have whole grains instead of white bread. Get vigorous exercise 60 mins a day and make sure you're out of breath, sweaty, and in pain (if it stops hurting, you got too used to it and need to push yourself harder/change things up). Oh, and don't you DARE be fat! Don't even be on the high end of a "healthy" bmi (even if you're tall/built with a larger bone frame and bmi doesn't work so well with people like that).

Yeah, um, turns out this advice is actually pretty bad/doesn't work for everyone/sometimes causes more harm/is honestly kind of not obtainable for some people. I've tried doing this at various points throughout my life. It made me miserable and lightheaded and I never stuck with it for long.

For instance, some workouts I was taught in gym class are a big no-no, according to physical therapists. The one where you reach down and touch your toes can be very bad for your hips and tendons (that's why it hurts). Also, I remember being pushed to run very intensely/do stairs in a cold ass environment. I don't have breathing problems, but I felt like I did after the fact. I mean, I was straight up coughing and my lungs hurt. So, I assume that probably also wasn't very good for me.

Also, grains aren't always a great choice of food either. They're full of carbs and can put on weight like crazy. There's this thing called veggie bread and veggie pasta. They're better options and they also taste a hell of a lot better than whole grain (seriously, ew!) Plus, veggie pasta is colorful. That makes it look fun!

And also, it's true that raw greens are insanely healthy. But really? Would you die if you almost never had greens this way? You know, enjoying your time on Earth is also healthy, and I sure as hell do NOT enjoy raw, unflavored greens (and I'm a person who likes bitter things and vegetables). I won't touch them unless they're prepared in a particular way. Preferably cooked and with lots of spices.

Speaking of which, spices are very good for you and add tons of flavor to your food. So is vinegar (lots of flavor and no sodium). And cooking wine. And herbs. Now there's one way to make your cooked vegetables extra healthy!

Seriously, why go so overkill? You realistically won't stick to a strict diet and exercise routine. Imo, it's much better to find healthy options you actually enjoy. For me, it's always going to be cooked vegetables and raw fruit (or fruit juice). With TONS of spices and herbs and vinegar and cooking wine. I also like going on brisk walks now and then. I know I need to get more exercise, but I still just don't care to do something super intense on a regular basis (I have a retail job and it just won't work out/I need energy for school and work). I'd much rather do some simple yoga for my joints or something.

Also, red meat is not the best thing in the world. Overconsumption can be an issue. But... some of us also kind of need it. I get low blood pressure. I also have a monthly cycle. I also seem to need a higher calorie diet. Not having enough red meat can be bad for me. And no, supplements are not fool proof. You absorb more nutrients from food.

I get that heart disease, diabetes, stroke, etc. are problems in the U.S. But was this diet advice designed for someone who's genetically prone to having high cholesterol? Or who was born with a family history of some extreme diabetes? I've met people like that, and it does really suck for them. But also, maybe we don't need to design a diet for the worst case scenario for everyone?

You know, they also never really talked about stress enough. The harmful effects of it and all. Stress, and alcohol, actually cause a lot of America's top killers way more than people realize. And honestly, I can see it. I personally just don't feel very good if I've been super stressed for a long time. I mean, stress can literally cause me physical pain. And I feel like my body and mind don't function as well. It's too bad America just pushes people to have stressful lifestyles (60+ hour work weeks are becoming a norm, and I am just not someone who does well with that). Oh, lack of sleep too. Again, I can NOT function without that so-called "beauty sleep" (which is literally just the amount you're supposed to get).

I seriously need to find some people who obsessed with the laid back lifestyle.

[geekns]

From the bottom of my heart, I need you to know that no one wants to be around you because you're an asshole.

I just spent a good 30+ minutes scrolling through your blog, and you constantly get angry at others' experiences (and actual statistics), you equate your personal experience as the be all end all and don't seem to understand that your life doesn't just negate the other experiences around you. And frankly, none of your replies to any posts I've seen have been kind at all. Why tf would you ever expect anyone to be kind to you when you clearly don't give people the same courtesy?

I wish you the best and hope you can become a happier person. And being miserable just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can make positive changes to your life and become a kinder person, and I promise your life will get better.

Who asked you? No really, I'm being serious. If I'm so annoying, why are you on my blog reading my posts about how I am trying to be open and vulnerable and figure out how to process my trauma?

if you don't like what I'm saying, go away. No one is forcing you to read my ramblings. I have no idea who you are, I don't owe you anything. You don't know who I am and have no right to judge me.

You say I'm asshole and that I'm angry...constantly???

I'm really not. That's simply exhausting. Ain't nobody got time for that. My life is full of laughter. I am very literal, and I love to laugh, and so I do, often at random things that no one else thinks are funny. My life is a comedy despite the tragedy.

Honey, what makes you think that you need to tell me to that I need to try, like I haven't already been doing that for over forty years? Like, did you really just assume that I've been spending my entire life just sitting here saying "woe is me, I need a hero?"

No! Fuck that!

I'm not sitting around wallowing in misery, even in the moments where I allow myself to be honest about how hard things are. (I mean how dare I share such a thing.) I am that one who has to stand back up and fight every time I get knocked down! I've been making "positive changes" for longer than I can remember, taken the advice of so many people. And I keep fighting after other people have given up and gone home! I'm stubborn af. And I'm really not sure what you're trying to accomplish with your pretentious advice, but FYI, I'm just trying to figure out how to keep going. I nearly died a month ago, so sue me for taking a minute to recuperate.

But I reject your characterization that I'm an asshole. You wanna know why? Because the truth is that I am kind, and that's why people assume they can use me or control me. It's a classic blunder that has followed me across this country and the world. One such boss flat-out told me that I was "too nice" and proceeded to try to turn me into exactly who she wanted me to be. She was abusive and controlling and it was a nightmare. And that is only one of many experiences that I could relate.

But you know what? Lying to people isn't kind. Going along to get along isn't actually nice. And I am not hurting anyone, in fact, I may be one of the only people on this hellsite who cares enough to tell the truth even though it would be easier not to. I'm simply trying to be true to myself: hoping to feel a little less alone and help others feel understood in turn. Because I've always believed that we need each other, that we're stronger when we aren't alone.

But I'm certainly not here to mask for you or make you feel comfortable. I'm here to be real. Reality is not always pretty, trauma especially so: it makes us want to look away, but it is what it is. And denying your trauma and the hard things that you're fighting against is not helpful to anyone.

[thoughtswrittenaloud]

Impact statement

For starters, fuck you. I knew immediately. My sister told me she said, "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet" and I knew. I knew who and what. I wanted to be wrong, trust me. I wanted to be so wrong I got laughed at. But I was right. Because I've spent so much of my life being not only a daughter to her, but a partner, emotional support, a friend. You either didn't know that or didn't care enough. It's a weird feeling. Being SO in tune with the person who grew you, taught you, fed you. I always thought everyone was like that, but as I got older I realized it was atypical in most cases. Not that I regret it because she didn't have to say anything. I don't know all of the details. I don't want to know all the details. I can assume and that's more than enough. What I do know though, from conversations and comments here and there, this wasn't a 'one time' or even 'first time' offense. She told me she went to my uncle, someone who's spend most of his life practicing martial arts, and even he couldn't find a way out for her. I don't know what it was, but that's not a fluke. That's practice. You're disgusting. You're subhuman. You're literally nothing. I hope your children don't learn who you are to the full extent. I hope they grow and get a gut feeling. I hope that they go with that feeling and never speak to you again. I hope you spend the rest of your miserable life alone. I hope you never find happiness in anything you do. I don't hope physical harm comes to you. I don't wish death upon you. That would be too good for you. That would allow for an end to any sort of pain you feel. I want you to live with the fact that people know what you've done, who you are. For you children though, I wish nothing but the absolute best. I wish for them amazing partners, lives, children if they please, fulfilling careers, nice things, happiness. They deserve that. I would never wish anything poor on a child, even yours. Especially your son. I hope he turns out to be nothing like you. We never liked you, my sisters and I. Even before we met you we didn't like you. And then we did. You were late and expected HER to make your plate for you. Plus you've got man boobs. I actually can't picture your face. I genuinely only see that blue/grey sweater with the moobs sticking out from the front. That's literally how I picture you. It's almost humorous. Almost. You don't have a face because you're not human. You don't deserve that. You had spent enough time with her. You know her past. You know how she grew up. What the fuck made you think you had the authority to summon that again? Who the fuck do you think you are? You had no right to make her feel that way. To do that to her. When you eventually do die, hopefully of old, old age nowhere in the future, I hope you burn in the deepest and hottest part of hell. I also hope you're never given any sort of opportunity to do what you did again. God forbid that happens, I hope you go to the hardest, meanest prison where the other men make your life a living hell. I'm not a violent or hateful person, but I hate you. Loathe you. Despise you. This isn't the first woman I love to go through this and statistically, it won't be the last. It's disgusting. It's disgusting that the chances someone else I care about will have to endure something like this. It's men and people like you that make me cautious. Make me not want to trust others. I consider myself lucky that I've never been in that situation. Crazy isn't it? I consider myself LUCKY to not have been sexually assaulted. That's fucked up. Anyway, I needed to get my thoughts and feelings toward you out, even if no one ever reads this. I've spoken it out in my car and in my head so many times, but putting it out into the world like this makes it feel more real. Makes it feel as though you'll somehow happen upon it, know how much I hate your existence. Now I'm going to go back to studying for one of the biggest tests of my life. You get no more of my energy. The fact I've given you this much is unnecessary because you're unworthy of my time and energy.

[manslaught]

mikayla doesn't let herself look at her, because it's easier to believe she's not talking about her— it would only make her angry, because taissa could have had her, if only she'd cared enough to try. there's no part of her that feels bad for her, not when she sees all of it as tai's fault. deep down, she knows that it's not entirely true, that she could have done more. she could have asked nat or travis to talk to her, to find out her number, something, but she didn't, terrified of what she later came to accept: that maybe tai didn't want to talk to her.

her jaw clenches tighter, scowling down at the ground. a part of her wants to ask how knowing mikayla hated her would be worse than knowing that she broke her heart, but she's also not sure if she actually wants to hear the answer. “ yeah. me, too. ” bitterly, she hopes that tai assumes that she regrets them, just to hurt her. she doesn't, which sometimes feels like the worst part of it all— that she wouldn't want to go back in time and stop herself from ever kissing her that day before tai left, because as much as it killed her in the end, it was good once. what she does regret is not communicating better, not talking about what would happen after rescue, not trying to send tai some sort of message that she still cared.

she chooses not to point out the fact that she did agree with tai back then, even if she argued against it, just to disagree. still, she almost smiles at tai's argument, because for a second, it does feel like the version of her she used to know— which shouldn't make her feel warm inside, but it does. “ i wouldn't have told you to hold back. ” she's not sure why she says it, because it shouldn't matter, especially if tai is being honest when she implies it's just her team, not her wife— and it shouldn't need to be said, given that, once they were together, mikayla only seemed to care about what was best for tai, not caring about anyone else, even if it meant letting them suffer in her place.

“ it's not surprising i didn't, ” she grumbles, not even caring that her words don't match the confidence she tries to present — because most of it is fake now, lost in her twenties, unable to get back. “ i'm not really someone who— ” gets what she wants. or keeps it, anyway. on the surface, it looks like she has: a beautiful wife, a good job, a nice house, but the reality is that most of it, she only has because she forced her mother to help her, because she had no other choice. she didn't want any of it. but she can't talk about that with anyone else, especially her. “ it's whatever. i didn't want to be jeff's queen anyway. ”

hearing tai talk about her family makes mikayla regret ask anything at all, her stomach sinking. it shouldn't surprise her that tai seems to actually care about them, because that's what she's supposed to do, but listening to her talk about almost sacrificing the election for them just makes mikayla wonder if tai ever even thought about doing the same thing for her. “ oh, ” is all she says in response, sounding more deflated than she means to. she decides not to ask anything else, to push any more, because everything she finds out only seems to hurt her more— both because she's reminded that she's not part of taissa's life anymore and because she's not even sure who she is because of it.

“ you made it harder. ” by not being there. it's not as if having tai in her life would have made the people in prison any less miserable to deal with, but at least she'd have something good, something real to hold onto. “ so i really don't want to hear about it from you. ” mikayla's getting tired of having to beg tai to stop talking, to just listen to her. she lets out a bitter laugh, “ yeah, the courts don't care about self defense. all i did was defend myself, and i lost everything for it. ” including you. she was angry about it for years, being punished for putting an end to her misery, for killing a man who didn't deserve to live in the first place, because it took so much from her— years of her life, her reputation, her chances at getting a normal job on her own, and of course, taissa. she's still angry about it, but she doesn't want to think about it, shaking her head. “ it doesn't matter. it's going to be fine. ”

mikayla's pretty sure her wife isn't going to be happy at all, not when they had plans tonight, plans that mikayla completely abandoned the moment she got tai's call. she can't even remember if she said anything to calypso about it, but the thought of her wife waiting around for her doesn't bother her as much as it should, not when she's here, with her. despite being the one to bring up her wife in the first place, mikayla's not interested in talking about her any more than that, not when she'd rather be focused on tai instead.

“ you used to like it, ” she recalls, unable to help herself. maybe not in the beginning, when mikayla would tease her, only to give her nothing, shying away any time they got too close— which is maybe what she should do now, shutting it down before it gets any worse, for the sake of not only their marriages but her own heart, but it's hard to stop when this is the most like herself that she's felt in years. “ i think i got worse, actually. more experience, more stamina, obviously. ” now that they're not exhausted and starving, on the brink of death all the time. “ you wouldn't be able to handle it, ” she says a little too confidently, holding the eye contact despite how much she knows she should look away.

that’s more like it.   she can’t even be upset with her,   not when she knows it’s a fair response.   she actually thinks mikayla’s gone pretty easy on her,   but she’s grateful for it,   because for as much as she always longed to see her again,   she hadn’t ever really let herself think about how brutal it would be.    and this already is brutal enough,   just being near her again,   hearing her voice again,   seeing her face again —- it’s all a harsh reminder that she never actually fell out of love with this girl,   she never got any real closure with her,   and it only makes her miss her more,   even as she’s sitting next to her.    ❝  don’t worry,  mikayla.   not everything has worked out for me,  ❞    she says honestly,   speaking quieter now,   her gaze glancing up to her and lingering for a moment.    she didn’t end up with the girl she loves,   because she wasn’t brave enough to even try to make it work,   so how could she ever get everything she wanted—-   even after she gave this up thinking that was the key?  

taissa stares blankly at the blood on the floor,   taking in her words,   because she knows that maybe she shouldn’t have said anything at all,   because it’s the truth.   she just doesn’t want what they had to be something mikayla resents now,   she wants her to hold onto it the way tai did,   how she’s reminded that love is what helped them survive.   after she and mikayla reunited that first night,   she couldn’t stop wondering if she hated her now,   and now that she knows,  there’s some reassurance in that,   even if they can’t actually be in each other’s lives anymore.   ❝  i already have enough regrets,  ❞    tai says quietly.   making mikayla hate her would be the worst.      

the reminder of allie makes her jaw clench immediately —-  25 years later,   her name still makes her stomach sink.   but it’s not the same as it was back then,   when she’d made herself sick over it the first few nights they were there,  wondering if this was some twisted act of fate,  punishment as laura lee had implied.   those thoughts changed over the years,   even out there,   when violence had become its own language —-  when tai had to accept that it was just in her to make the hard calls,  to watch her friends die for her own survival.   she used to be afraid of what she was capable of back then,   but now she knows it’s one of her strengths,  even if she’s caused harm to people in the past — people like allie.   ❝ that’s because you were all wrong, ❞    she mutters,   as if it happened days ago.   ❝  and this—-  it’s not the same thing.   ❞    because she didn’t mean to break allie’s leg,   all she wanted to do was freeze her out.    what she wants to do to her opponent now is destroy him and his entire family,   and she would have done that with more pride this time around,   even if her wife and her team were worried she’d lose herself in it   (   maybe they were right—-   it’s been too easy for her to lose herself in it before.  )     

the clarification forces tai to think about who won.   it’s not lost on her how jackie’s death is still tied to them now,   to all of this.   it’s not lost on her how her own fate could’ve ended up similar to shauna’s  —-  how that same night,  it was almost mikayla who never returned,  leaving tai to feel that endless pit of guilt.   and still,  she took it for granted,   parting ways with her despite all they’d lived through together.   ❝  i still wanted you to win,  ❞    she admits,  though she’s not just talking about homecoming,  either  —  but not even she really knows what she’s referring to,  afraid to let her mind go there.   

her head turns to look back at her,  and she can feel the familiarity in her question,  how mikayla’s mind is likely racing trying to understand from the version of taissa she used to know.   that version of taissa still exists,  the support around her has just changed —- and that’s not a bad thing,   they want her to do good,   it’s just not that easy for tai.   ❝  things got rough at home,  ❞    she admits.  ❝  that asshole’s supporters—-  they were targeting my house.  my family.   it started to feel like we weren’t safe,   like all the pressure was building up in a way my family wasn’t ready to deal with.   ❞    she’s lying,   she thinks,   because in some twisted way,   her opponent targeting her house is less terrifying than her or her son doing it without remembering,   but this is the story she has to stick with,   it’s the one she’s more comfortable with.    the rest is the truth,  anyway —- her family was not ready for what this was turning into.   they’re still not,  that’s why they’re no longer with her,   but tai can't tell her that.   ❝  i just couldn’t do it.    not after all the shit i did to get where i am.  even if i lose tomorrow,   it’s not all for nothing,  ❞    though it’s clear she's saying that more for herself than anything.   ❝  pissing off a lot of people in the process,   but it’s what was right for me.   ❞     it's the only way she can allude to her family problems without saying them outright,  and maybe just that little bit relaxes her,  even if mikayla shouldn't be the one she’s talking to.

tai rolls her eyes,  again finding it easier to focus on the blood than it is on mikayla.   she’s so tired of hearing it —  even if she deserves to,   but there’s only so many ways she can tell her that she cared while she has nothing to back it up with.   ❝  i didn’t say i knew how hard it was for you.   but i know it was hard.   and i know you don’t deserve to be back there.  do you?   ❞    she asks,   finally looking up at her and shrugging.    ❝  because i don’t.   and fuck,  neither does shauna.   all she did was defend herself—- defend all of us.   it’s not fucking pity,  mikayla,  it’s just the fucking truth.   i don’t want you going down for this.  i don’t want any of us going down.  ❞

tai glares back at her,  and she wants to remind her things are different now— but what good would that really do?    it’s not like they’re coming out of this as friends.    there’s something relieving about mikayla having her number,   though — it means she can reach out,  if she needs to,   and it gives her the option to do the same,  even if she’s not sure she’d be brave enough knowing mikayla would have no reason to answer her call.   but as as she goes on,  her cheeks warm again,  her hand dropping the rag unintentionally as she sucks in a breath,   keeping her eyes ahead.  it’s not hard to allow her mind to wander when the wife she mentions hasn’t been home in days  —-  by her own doing,  though,  because it felt like the right call,   better than the options simone provided when she just wanted to help.  the mention of mikayla’s wife,  though,  is what makes it harder to give into the thought entirely,  even if she has no place to be annoyed.   

❝  i don’t think our wives would be happy about any of this,  ❞    she points out,   nodding towards the floor.   but she’s not trying to remind her to be careful —-  she’s only reminding her that this is something they share together,  something they’ll always share,  just like their past.   and simone and calypso —  they’ll never be a part of that.   that’s the kind of thing that used to terrify taissa,  it’s the thing that drove her away from mikayla at all,   and yet here and now,  it’s what makes her wish to be closer to her.    she allows her eyes to meet hers after a long moment, her lips curling into a small, curious smile. ❝ you haven't changed that much, have you?  ❞ she asks, momentarily forgetting about their surroundings. ❝  you're still a tease. ❞

[ladyluscinia]

I did not say anything when that "Why do you assume Izzy is working class?" post was going around because a) I didn't have time, and b) I think OFMD pretty clearly establishes that lower / working class is the default for getting into "boat based criminal" as a career choice and anything other than that is weird (see Stede's crew of weirdos). So I think if you want to read Izzy as something other than working class in canon (presumably to take the wind out of that as a conflict between him and Stede), the burden of evidence is more on you than me.

But now I am seeing various posts about people deciding they support different headcanons on Izzy's backstory - which is fandom having fun as fandom does - only several are about him having a navy background instead? And like... people do realize that's not mutually exclusive from being poor, right?

Joining the navy because you were broke and had nowhere else to go was a big thing. You can't staff a military force exclusively with people of means because they also have the means to not want to die for you. Sure the upper ranks were likely restricted in numerous ways to people born to right family or with enough money / the right friends and mentors (like the Badmintons), but someone could do at least somewhat decently without any of that. The cost was just that it could really fucking suck. Plus this is a time when snatching up random people (often poor and young) and pressing them into service was a thing, meaning they could either adapt or desert.

Also success in the navy would not necessarily give Izzy a comfortable amount of wealth (private sailing wages were almost always higher, sometimes double or more, because the navy didn't like to pay). In fact, I think a navy background for a lower class Izzy makes a lot of sense and would have fostered resentment for the upper classes even more. Imagine living in miserable conditions making the best salary someone of your station could probably expect to make because you've worked hard and figured out a completely shit system, but you can't even dream of actually making this into a truly comfortable / successful career (only officers had careers) because you don't have the right name or the rich friends or the uncle who could have had the captain himself looking out for you since you were dropped on this ship at 11. All to die for the glory of a king who thinks you are a gutter rat.

Like there's a reason naval desertion was so common.

[bookwyrminspiration]

No no no, wait. My friend was explaining Twilight and I'm just. So confused. The way they solve the love triangle is that Jacob guy raises their kid. And then falls in love with her. And so does she. No, I've got something wrong here-

No no, you've got that right :). That's is, in fact, how the love triangle is solved.

under the cut I've provided a more thorough explanation of how smeyer did...that

For anyone who doesn't know, there's this thing called imprinting in The Twilight Saga, which is a wolf thing. It essentially means that they (in this case Jacob) will see a person and, to quote Jacob explaining it: "It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like… gravity moves… suddenly. It's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend."

At first sight this person becomes their whole entire world and they are completely and entirely devoted to them and anything they need. It can happen at any age as well, and there are two instances of people imprinting on a child in the series. The first is Quil imprinting on Claire (a toddler); the second is Jacob imprinting on Renesmee (a few minutes old newborn).

The writing says that it doesn't have to be romantic, and that it isn't romantic between the wolves and the children. Instead those relationships are like a caretaker or a brother without any thought to romance. They're instead concerned with whatever their imprintee might need with no regards to their own feelings. However, it's pretty much assumed/implied that when they grow up it will be romantic. Bella said something that basically said "who would reject that kind of devotion? who would pick someone else when they've got this?"

So in Breaking Dawn, twilight #4, Bella's pregnant and Jacob is devastated but sticking around because if he doesn't, she'll be killed by the other wolves and he doesn't want that. And because these are (they think) going to be the last times he'll ever get to see her.

Throughout his pov we just see more and more turmoil as he watches this person he thinks is the one for him fade from his life. Bella gonna have Edward's kid and become a vampire and then they'll be enemies, because werewolves and vampires don't get along. So he wants to convince her otherwise, to convince her to stay human, and for her to be with him instead. Otherwise this is their heartbreaking end

Then Bella and Edward have their kid (Bella dies in childbirth and is turned into a vampire) named Renesmee Carlie Cullen, and Jacob hates her so so much. This disgusting thing killed his Bella, so he's going to kill this newborn his best friend just sacrificed everything for.

But! Lo and behold! When he lays eyes on her the first time gravity shifts and this newborn baby is now His Person and the greatest thing in the world. He'd do anything for her. No one else matters anymore; they're all secondary.

Which means now he doesn't care about Bella and Edward's relationship, leaving them to be happy together, and because he's tied to Renesmee he's still in Bella's life in a way that doesn't cause either of them pain. Boom! Love triangle resolved! Turns out Bella was never the person for Jacob and it was always Renesmee pulling them together!

Oh and also because he imprinted on her none of the other wolves will kill her because imprinting is sacred. He's not romantically in love with Renesmee as the series ends, but due to the nature of imprinting it's basically assumed that once she's old enough that's what'll happen. And that the feelings will be reciprocated because "who could reject that kind of devotion?" (paraphrased).

So no, you do not have something wrong there, Nonsie. That is. That is how the love triangle was resolved. Jacob imprinted on Renesmee (nicknamed Nessie by her, which is where we get that iconic "you nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?!?! >:(( *attacks*" scene) and was suddenly no longer miserably pining after Bella.

the twilight series sure is something. hope this helps!!