#eyo myself

[ace-with--a-mace]

i have been watching american housewife

[otherworldworldy]

Happy year of the dragon!

(Close ups under the cut)

[thefoooconspiration]

du är där när jag vaknar

baby, allt som jag önskat få

vet jag har inga svar

för du är allt jag vill ha ;

[prince-princess-bunny]

It is so hard to separate emotions when you had a complicated relationship with someone. My grandma was an awful person, so it was easy to cut her out, emotionally. But my dad is so much tricker. He was a monster, but when he was actually being a dad, he was a good dad.

Sometimes I’ll catch myself thinking how lucky I am that he introduced me to so much incredible art, and then slammed with the memory that is the same man that tortured his children. It’s been 10 years since he died, and, honestly, I still often struggle with how to feel. My biggest take away is that sometimes life is fucking complicated and you have to learn to make peace with that

after my grandma’s funeral, I got angry with myself for not having made more of an effort to form a relationship with her, but the major obstacle was that she always acted mean and disinterested in me. like her comments toward me were primarily snipes at my clothing, or my weight, or my work, or my odd mannerisms, and if got carried away and started babbling about something that interested me, she’d listen for a time until snapping and telling me to be quiet. and I do think a large part of this was the inherent discomfort some people have when confronted with autism. they get an ick.

I grew up always excited to visit my grandma, until I got old enough to realize that she didn’t seem to like me, and then I was old enough to have agency so I stopped visiting. and now I’m sad that she’s dead. I don’t really know what lesson to take from any of this.

[neon-virus]

he's hurt my heart, betrayed my trust, and continues to try and assassinate me in my own cult grounds, but can't hate him; no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to hate him truly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eyo, day two! WOOOo posting late at niigghhtt-

[s7-evermore]

My Heart Stays With You | Leona Kingscholar x Mistress! Yuu/Reader

NOTE: Hey, so I can’t find the FUCKING fic I was talking about in this post and despite all my desperate searching I STILL can’t find it so I’m WRITING MY OWN VERSION OF IT until the author of that fic MESSAGES ME AND GOES “EYO DUDE WTF THAT IDEA WAS MINE” so I can search their blog and finally read the fucking story cuz istg I can’t focus on my schoolwork with that fic weighing on my mind like a curse that’s been placed on my family for 40 generations.

EDIT: someone in the comments lovingly told me who the author of the original one was and it was @/kiwibirdmother but all their posts disappeared so 🤡 fuck. LUCKILY tho I used the wayback internet thing and I managed to read them again :D if you guys want a link to it I’ll share thru dm cuz I’m too lazy to post something about it rn ejdkskxkskx

SYNOPSIS: Leona had been forced into an arranged marriage with a noblewoman, but he had already been in a relationship with Yuu. They loved each other too much, and both of them weren’t willing to let each other go. So in their own selfish ways, they stayed together despite the ring shining on his finger.

The two of them never thought it would get to this.

Leona had hoped that he would at least be able to make her his officially. All he needed to do was graduate and introduce her to his family, as reluctant as he was to let her into the royal life for the fear that she would have to carry the weight of it, he was far too selfish to let her go.

But Yuu didn’t mind at all. Just like him, she was far too selfish to let him go.

. . .

. . . .

. . .

When the news came to her that Leona had no choice but to push through with the arranged marriage, he rushed to her room in Ramshackle Dorm to hold her in his arms.

“Stay with me,” He begged that night, holding her in his arms with all the strength he could muster. “Please stay with me.”

It felt out of character for him to say those words with such strong emotion, but in the years they’ve been together, as she approached her fourth year in NRC, Leona slowly learned to lower his walls around her.

Only around her. Just her.

“Stay with me. I won’t do anything with her. I promise.”

“But…”

Hearing her strained voice and her choked sobs as she cried on his shoulder broke his heart. His heart… that he had given to her all those years ago when she accepted him with all of her being…

How unfair could the world get?

“I won’t. You’re the only one in my heart,” he stated firmly, a promise that he would hold himself to for the rest of his life.

“That stupid marriage is only for formalities. A political convenience. That woman and I don’t even have to do anything, and I don’t intend on giving myself to her. Not my love, not my mind, not my body.”

He looked into her eyes, furrowing his brows with intensity. When Yuu looked at them, she could feel the fierce heat of his love for her and his unyielding devotion.

She understood his place. He really had no say in the marriage, it had already been set in stone. Leona knew this well, and yet he couldn’t help but feel guilty… she had been so kind to him, so understanding…

“Yuu…” his voice was molten gold, and it seeped through the cracks of her heart.

“I love you. Only you. Please stay with me.”

“I will,” she said without hesitation.

He kissed her the moment she said those words, and a night of passion between them followed.

That wouldn’t be their last.

The night before his wedding, Leona drove to a villa some distance away from the palace.

It was distant from other residences and a little more solitary. Leona knew it would be perfect for Yuu, so he bought it immediately before anyone else could so she could live there with Grim after their graduation.

He knocked on the door, and it opened within a few seconds.

He felt his heart beating rapidly when he saw her face. For a moment, Leona felt at peace.

Yuu smiled, looking just as relieved, “You’re here…”

He moved to embrace her.

Ever since the arranged marriage, it was the first thing he would do whenever he visited her. An act of reassurance that he would forever be hers.

“I came just as I said I would,” He said.

“It’s tomorrow,” she quietly muttered.

“Will you go?”

“I promised I would.”

“It would hurt you…”

“It would hurt you just as much…” she said, her voice breaking, “I…I promised you that I would…always be there to comfort you…”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable any more than I already have,” he sighed. His woman was far too kind to him. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she tried to be a little petty.

“I think… I think it would make me more uncomfortable not seeing you, knowing that you would be with her…”

Leona knew that his brother was aware of his distaste for the marriage, but the will of their father, even as he lay sickly on his bed, had to be followed.

“Leona…”

He knew what that tone in her voice meant.

He looked down at her slightly, immediately noticing her half-lidded eyes and her sudden shy but sensual smile.

“Will you stay with me a little longer…?”

She didn’t even have to ask.

He pulled her to her bedroom. And there, they lost themselves into each other’s arms, wrapped up in the heat of their love.

. . .

. . . .

. . .

“Did you meet up with your friends?”

The question came to him as they basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking. She had her head against his chest, his arm around her as he slowly traced shapes on her skin.

“Jack said that you asked him and Ruggie to escort me…” she said, recalling her meeting with her friends from NRC the past week.

Leona had taken it upon himself to invite some notable people from NRC, especially those he knew she would be close with. Most of them also knew of the relationship they kept going through with, as dangerous as it was.

Vil Schönheit had actually been the one to visit her first. He was invited as Leona’s acquaintance and former school “friend”, according to Leona himself. Vil was one of the few people who knew about their continuing relationship despite Leona’s arranged marriage, and out of respect for Yuu (who Vil was clearly fond of) agreed to keep it a secret.

Kalim and Jamil were invited as well, under the pretext of Kalim being the first son of House Asim and Jamil as his servant. When they came to her home, they reminisced on old times and agreed to keep in touch.

As she told him about their visits, she remembered another thing.

“I didn’t expect you to invite Malleus to the wedding…” she said.

“He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“Yes but…”

Although she continued writing to malleus, as he was her cherished friend, she knew that the two of them hardly got along.

“A lotta random royals, nobles and celebrities are invited out of formality, so I thought that I might as well invite someone you’re familiar with. Kalim, Vil, Idia, and Malleus came to mind at first.”

He looked down at her as he stroked her hair, “I’m sure you’ll be fine with their company. If you’re around people like them then no one should be able to bother you. I made sure to tell them all to visit you before the wedding.”

Malleus didn’t come alone, of course. Lilia, Silver, and Sebek came there as the Briar Valley prince’s attendants.

Those four weren’t daft by any means. She knew that they had probably already figured out that they were keeping their relationship a secret from the public.

“Are you alright with this?” Sebek had asked her, his voice strangely reluctant and…soft.

“We both aren’t,” she admitted to him, “But this is… the only way we could live right now.”

Malleus sighed, lamenting how unfortunate your circumstances are.

“If you need a place to belong, let us know,” He told her. “Briar Valley will welcome you with open arms.”

“Thank you…” she smiled kindly at her friends, “But I belong with Leona.”

“Leona, congratulations on your wedding.”

Leona watched as Vil approached him with Yuu around his arm.

Vil turned to the bride with a practiced smile, “and to you as well, my lady.”

“Congratulations, both of you,” Yuu said with a smile that made Leona uncomfortable. He hated her fake smiles.

He hated this. He hated all of this.

“You truly are fortunate, Lady Aisha,” her words pierced his heart like a bullet. His hands were itching to hold her in his arms. “To be wed to Leona… well, it might not be easy but…”

Yuu met his eyes, something profound shining within them, mixed with hopelessness and pain.

“I’m sure…he’ll be a very wonderful lover.”

The bride noticed the look Leona was giving the human girl while pondering the meaning of her words. With a strained smile, clearly masking her irritation, Aisha intertwined her arms around Leona’s and smiled at her.

“Oh I am well aware of that,” she says with a sickeningly sweet smile, “he is always so good to me.”

Yuu didn’t mean to take her words too far, but despite the bitterness in Aisha’s words, she smiled like a flower in bloom, masking her pain like it was nothing.

“I wish you both happiness.”

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

“Kifaji.”

The royal family’s long-time aid turned around at the sharp call of Leona’s new bride. Her features were marred with irritation, unbefitting of the occasion.

“Yes, my lady?” He acknowledged her calmly, ready to take every complain she has.

“Who is that woman?”

Kifaji looked at where she was pointing only to see Leona chatting with Yuu.

The aid’s expression softened at the sight of them. Leona’s eyes were unguarded as he spoke to the young woman, seemingly taking in every word she was saying. Yuu, on the other hand, despite the occasion simply seemed happy to be in the presence of the second prince.

It was the same scene he had seen quite a few years ago, when Leona brought her along with some other schoolmates for Tamashina-Mina. She was a darling little thing— she was beautiful. She got along well with their friends and Leona cared about her more than he liked to admit. But it didn’t escape Kifaji’s eyes when he saw Leona buy her a gift. A necklace the same color as his eyes, just as she requested.

“You should have chosen one with your eye color instead.” He heard Leona say to her.

“No,” Yuu shakes her head, “I like the color of your eyes better.”

She was sweet and by no means a push-over. She knew how to keep Leona in place without being pushy, and it was clear to anyone that Leona favored her greatly.

Kifaji had…hoped that he got to see Leona happy with her.

If it hadn’t been for the arranged marriage that the two princes’ father wanted… then maybe… maybe then the second prince would finally smile for the rest of his days…

“That is Miss Yuu, a long-time friend of his Highness,” he told Aisha calmly. “Prince Leona is quite fond of her, as is Prince Cheka, please do get along with her.”

“They look too close to be friends,” she quipped.

Kifaji could only do what he could for the Prince he had taken care of…

“I would not worry about that,” he said, expression unchanging, “I am certain that they are only friends.”

The lady huffed before fixing her wedding garments and going back to the party, Kifaji could finally breathe.

It was 12 AM at midnight, just two hours after the wedding and the reception ended when she heard something park itself on her driveway.

Before she could get the chance to look out the window, someone immediately knocks on the door.

In a rush, she opens the door only to see the lion that had been plaguing her thoughts, feeding the shadows whispering in her mind.

Large arms wrapped themselves around her in a warm embrace.

“I drove here as soon as everyone was asleep.”

She returned his embrace, feeling the beat of his heart against hers.

“You shouldn’t have come here.”

“I can’t stand it. She was so annoying…” he buried his nose against her hair. “All she did was complain when all I did was nap on the bed.”

Lady Aisha must have gotten angry that Leona wouldn't touch her on their wedding night... She thought to herself. The thought of Leona sharing a bed with another woman made her heartache. She wanted to erase the image in her mind..

But she couldn’t do much now, can she? He was a married man now, but it wasn’t to her… no, it was to someone else.

However…

“Aren’t you gonna welcome me home?”

He will always return to her. Never touched and never kissed by anyone else but her.

She chuckles, looking up at him with pained eyes.

“It’s your wedding night, you know…? You could at least…”

“I told you, I ain’t touchin’ her.”

“You…you don’t have to… but it might make your family mad if you suddenly—“

He places a hand under her chin and forces her to look at him before stroking her cheek.

“I don’t care,” he says with finality. “I don’t care about that stupid wedding. I don’t care about her. I don’t care about any of them.”

His forehead touches hers, a tear escapes her eye.

“I care about us.”

And he kisses her with more love than he could ever give.

Another night passes, and Leona is once more entangled in Yuu’s arms.

[watarfallar]

If I had a nickel for every time I posted an incorrect quotes dump, I'd have a lot of nickles!

BigB: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Mumbo: BigB, stop trying to get drugs. BigB: Don't suppress my interests.

Lizzie: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is? Jimmy: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.

Tango: Don’t stay up all night, Ren. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

Scar: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Gem, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Etho: Gem has no idea I’m high. Gem: You’re high? Etho: Oh, I’m sorry. Etho, leaning over to Grian: Gem has no idea I’m high.

Martyn: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Scar: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Cleo: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

Scar: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Grian: 'Prettiest Smile' Joel: 'Nicest Personality' Ren: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Cleo: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Impulse: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

Pearl: So I’m the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger? Tango: Do I get to pick the finger?

Jimmy, talking to Impulse: Well Impulse, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Gem do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing. Impulse: … Gem, from the distance: They’re not wrong though!

Pearl: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

BigB: Tango, what if there are monsters? Tango: Don’t worry, we’re top of the food chain. Much later… BigB, lying awake at night: I am the monster.

Pearl: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Gem! *Neither of them die* Gem: … Pearl: … Gem: So do you wanna talk about somethi- Pearl: No thank you.

Bdubs: Aww, what's your dog's name? Tango: Spartacus. Bdubs, yelling to Martyn: TRY SPARTACUS! Martyn, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK! Tango: Bdubs: What's your favorite number?

Scott: Don’t say a word. Impulse: Fergalicious. Scott: Impulse, I said no words. Impulse: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we’re playing Scrabble, it’s not a word, now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.

Skizz, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

Cleo: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Tango: How? Cleo: I need someone to take the fall. Tango: What did you do? Cleo: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Etho, from the other room: Oh my god. Cleo: ... Etho: OH MY GOD! Tango: Make it a hundred. Cleo: Deal.

Mumbo: So jellyshish- Grian, laughing: JELLYSHISH!? Mumbo: You know what I meant!

Cleo: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest* Skizz: We have heart? Cleo: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

Etho: Do you even have a plan? Tango: This is the plan! I break you out, chaos, destruction, something something something, we win! Etho: Oh, of course, the old “something something something we win”. That’s a terrible plan!

Pearl: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Grian: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Pearl: Okay yeah thanks Grian, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Scar: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

[ladyimaginarium]

@librastrai

[jojo-schmo]

Very late but congrats on the diagnosis! Also on an unrelated note, I particularly like your Carol/Clawoline (re?)design, poor girl was shafted so hard by HAL

Eyo!! Thank you very much heehee :) I am adjusting fairly well to my recent initiation to the ADHD club :P

And thank you for liking my Carol/Clawroline design so much!! It’s funny, I never actually intended to stray from her canon design so much, it mostly happened because of my own bad memory. I forget she actually looks like THIS:

To compare, the above drawing is from May 2022! The very very first time I ever drew her. And I used her canon reference picture while attempting to stylize her since she’s so different from the other characters I normally draw. Still pretty faithful to to the render, especially her face.

The drawing of her above is from Sept 2022! I actually didn’t reference her canon render this time lol. I referenced MY drawing I made of her on the throne and misinterpreted her face fluff and some other details. (Like playing a game of telephone with myself haha)

By the time I realized I changed her design more than I intended, it was too late hahaha. I already posted the first page of the Roleswap comic and I got attached to my version of her xD

And now here we are in January 2024! I love this leopardess and I can’t wait to get even better at drawing her!! <3

[poisonkkay]

✨𝙉𝙁𝘼 + 𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀 𝙐𝙋𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙀✨

pls read if you've wondered where tf have I been I'll try to keep it as short as possible ↓

Eyo! Many people asked me about Never Fade Away ch.6, and I know I should've published it more than a month ago– yikes!

But due to some sudden irl shit that really drained me around that time, I'm trying to re-balance my energies now.

NFA is my bby and I love it dearly, but it's also a LOT of work for a person alone, and as much as I tried to push myself, I realized I cannot fuck-up my body and I gotta find a way to work on it that doesn't hurt me (fyi, I suffer of chronic pain to my dominant hand, so yikes2!)

That, the burnout and many other reasons, made me decide to go on a brief hiatus BUT DON'T WORRY, NFA WILL CONTINUE, alongside other projects too: I'm already trying to figure out different ways to continue it, making compatibile with my new needs and schedules.

Right now, the idea would be to switch to a graphic novel-ish form, so mostly written chapters with different illustrations or even small comic-panels in it. I need to find somewhere to post it tho lol but anyway!!

Thanks for your time and (hopefully) understanding guys, I'll be back soon🌻

[cherriready]

EYO FUCK AEMOND WE RIDE FOR OUR QUEEN HELAENA TARGARYEN 🖕🖕🖕‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼👹👹👹👹👹👹

Well, the truth is that I'm really tempted. But I'm still debating whether to put an enemies to lovers with Aemond x Reader or a friends to lovers between Helaena x Reader, maybe both? Maybe even throw in some Aegon x Reader.

What to do, is indeed, the question I ask myself?

By order of the King

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

one of the worst things about re-runs on cable is that sometimes youll see a random episode that you remember, decide "eh, sure" to watching, and one of the details you were ignorant to before now (but not anymore) now haS A SEVERELY DIFFERENT MEANING to the point it makes you do a spit-take

anyway. feel free to share your recent "eYO WHAT" moment of At Least I Know Now; I May Be Shocked But I Cannot Blame Myself For What I Did Not Know That I Didn't Know Before regarding re-watching a piece of media that had some small or big pillar within your life (cable or not, tv show or not). would love to know other people's so i feel less inattentive for having entirely forgotten this or forgot to process this or whatever the most apt term is

i'll go first:

my parents have been watching various cop-shows of the Not-Comedic variety (meaning no "Psych" and no "Brooklyn-99", boo), and the tangential (fireman-shows, paramedics, forensics, etc) and/or their spin-offs, since i was like... 7 years old at the youngest? before i was in middle-school at any rate

and for a long fucking time (for good reason, look how many fucking episodes there are), their favorite go-to was "NCIS". the original one with Gibbs, not one of the spin-offs

and bc i had Muslim friends online, a few in my middle and high school classes, and a few also irl outside of school (who were also kind enough to teach me, which they didn't have to do; but i was very privileged that they did), i was at least moderately aware this show had a ton of loudly rampant anti-Muslim/anti-Middle East/etc propaganda. that's who The Big Bad tended to be. which is frustrating. but it was way harder for it to brainwash me as id inwardly groan that "i dont know enough about this topic to be an expert in any way, but i do know this show is so Islamophobic that i wouldn't be surprised if they made this vitriol up". so i do want to mention that is a very huge Problem Area here

so i knew this huge problem existed in the show. i knew i had blind-spots. but i thought i had a good general awareness of all the propaganda in "NCIS"

...i did not. otherwise, i wouldn't have an "i'll go first" to go first with

bc i always remembered that Ziva David was Jewish, but i never memorized nor before had the context to process what it meant that she was an Israeli Jewish person

bc, since the late 1800s to the early 1900s, Israel has been trying to colonize Palestine and actively commit genocide to the indigenous inhabitants of the lands that were once Palestine, killing Palestinians of all faiths, including Jewish and Muslim Palestinians. so. that detail about Ziva does inform her character, the narrative's message, and makes it all the more obvious what kind of propaganda this show is. bc. uh. i knew i should never trust "NCIS" beforehand bc of its Islamophobic propaganda. did not realize a sizable chunk of that was also in a venn-diagram style overlap with Zionism. wow. okay

and furthermore!! apparently! even though it is 2024!!! and both protestors and allies alike are doing their best to keep Palestine in the news as a ton of people try to fund more Palestinian families to get out of danger!! — it's JUST been announced the networks newest installment within the "NCIS" Connected Universes will be the Paramount+ exclusive spin-off "NCIS: Tony & Ziva". and i am absolutely not going to tell my parents about said annoucement bc wtf

(which anybody who wants to maybe Reblog/Reply/send an Ask to say "that's so mean of you to do your parents": shut the fuck up. alright? focus up. talk shit in meaningful ways instead, like to help donate to Palestinian families in need. okay? okay.)

anyway

(1) uh, sure, feel free to eventually boycott "NCIS: Tony & Ziva" when it comes out, but this show won't be dropping for a while and a half. sO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MORE-PRESSING AND TIME-SENSITIVE THINGS BELOW PLS AND THANKS 🤗💗💕

and (2) feel free to reblog and potentially share your own "eYO WHAT" Didn't Know Back Then What I Didn't Know re-watch stories to better help engage with this post through the tumblr algorithim (all the better if youre funnier than me (shouldnt be hard lol) tho a comedic story isn't a necessity for engaging) and get these Palestinian families Go-Fund-Me accounts in front of people who can afford to donate

and (3)!! i looked for the most recent Go Fund Me link-collection post ive reblogged to have copied down into this post (as someone whose disabilities and lack of wealth means the best i can consistently do is reblog here/repost on tiktok, spread awareness in my irl life, and so on. i irregularly use social media due to how drained my disability + doctor appts make me. i am doing this purely to see if it can help, i do not want attention or to be used as a resource when i cannot reliably be one with my current health situation. instead of me, please go follow (and donate to!!) these families and follow this user to keep the cycle of information and aid going!!)

this vetted collection was originally posted here, by @seance

@anqer - From War to Education: Abdelrahman Resilient Journey

@fatma93gaza - Support Fatima's Family in Gaza After Heartbreaking Tragedy

@emanfamily - Donate to help my family live in peace

@basel-19951995 - Help me evacuate my family and rebuild a new start

@ayaalanqarsblog - Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for Aya and Her Family

@ashraf-family2 - Hope for Gaza: Support Ashraf's Family Rebuild Their Lives

under the read-more is me just Knowing The Internet Can Be Toxic and having further context (about my family + "NCIS") can help curb a few people somewhat. at least it gives me "the autistic sense of peace knowing i have fully explained myself"(TM) so i can more clearly go "that's an unproductive response of pure Bad Faith. blocked". however, i didn't want this post to be longer than it is so as itd have a better chance at ✨️engagement✨️ and $$$ if its not a # Long Post

here's my list of things that clarify some context of this post, but overall dont matter. and also adding any of them Above The Read More would make people less likely to interact and reblog than i already assume people will (bc i dont got a lot of followers lmao c'est la vie, long as i did my best to help), as people either hesitate to reblog or dont reblog Long Posts. so these were all originally a part of the Above The Read More narrative before i thought it overall better to move them down here since i already did not wanna delete them entirely

sorry for any misspellings, im dyslexic and am writing this casually from my phone

like it wasn't until the past 5 or 6 years that my parents got sick of re-watching the "NCIS" re-runs on cable? and i'm 27 as of writing this. so minus 6 years, and that means from sometime before i was in middle school up until i was 21, this was a regular and favorited re-watched show they'd tune in for new episodes of and re-runs of whenever they stumbled on it. and, due to said 5 or 6 years, it's recently accumulated to have been enough time where, if "NCIS" is on now, they aren't AS sick of it anymore? as in, it's not their #1 favorite anymore still, but they will watch it with mild apathy/contentment; especially if it's an episode they still remember the plotline of VS a new episode that they dont. but, overall, even when id be in the room but on my phone or in the next room over and doing my hw: this show was a consistent pillar of my life growing up, at least in the background if not further up close

and, bc i know certain irrational parts of the internet will get mad i ever even dared passively absorb this show: dont be mad at ME bc "NCIS" had funding and viewership, im not a network head nor did i make the choice to have Ziva be Israeli. hell, i couldn't control the TV and refuse to give them viewership; i was a minor, my mom and dad were in charge, and my dad especially let me know him wanting to watch a show mattered more than me not wanting to watch it. he wouldnt change the channel on his favorite show. and though there were times i was invested, and i do have good memories here and there with my parents watching these various shows on/off, i knew also to question every villain they had and do my best to unpack/analyze whatever congrument narrative that was in their show that alligned with a thought i had about Islam as a monolith that i couldn't source back to my Muslim friends or learning about Islam on my own time. im ultimately glad i learned so much from it in that way. and i think that is the better way to go-- to watch whatever, but unpack as needed when you realize your biases-- rather than proverbially "burn the books" of whatever media you dislike and/or deem problematic. which this show is definitely problematic. but im still glad i learned from it in the ways that i have, and that i can use my history with the show to trick the algorithm maybe and get these families some additional attention

my chronic memory loss symptom means i am naturally predisposed to not be able to consistently remember certain things, especially details about people that didn't have emotional weight to me or that didn't come up too often, sometimes including things like a friend's ancestry or ethnicity. but, uh, i guess either none of my past Muslim friends were Palestinian?? or else any that were? they did not have the vocabulary or bandwidth to explain Palestine's fraught history of being oppressed by Israel to me (fair enough)?? i know one of my current Muslim friends definitely is Palestinian, but we met when i was 23 or a bit older (aka: after my parents were already sick of "NCIS", so the show and Ziva David being Israeli didnt come up; we did not know each other during the height of me having Muslim friends in middle and high school kindly helping teach me a few things)

personally, all my Jewish friends are from high school or before. and apparently, i don't have their social media or else they maybe deleted/renamed their accounts bc im not finding them in my Following lists. so i have no idea if any were from Isn'tReal. but i assume not, out of wishful thinking if nothing else. friendly reminder that antisemitism isn't cool, period; and also that calling out Zionism =/= antisemitism

alright then. dont mind me, im just gonna hc that one of my favorite "NCIS" characters is now a Palestinian Jewish person out of spite now. bc that's fucked up, that they made her Israeli on top of all this Islamophobia. and Palestinian people of all faiths are being impacted by Israel, yes, but there absolutely is Islamophobia involved in this genocide. so, like, excuse me, im just gonna casually re-write her in my head; cognitive dissonance is a helluva drug bc, like, you know the thing you like is bad but, like, what if you imagine if it was good lmao rip

unrelated tangent, if anybody was curious: "Bones" has been my stand-out favorite of my parents' rotation. i related to Dr Brennan's autism-coding, the show had good dialog and was largely sincere despite its writers' early-2000s-caused questionable creative-decisions, i find its obvious absurdity funny (wh... why would a museuem ever agree to this, they do FBI crime-work next to dinosaur skeletons, this setting is ridiculous lmao), and it has been the closest to comedy my parents would watch. it's a fun time, with some must-skip episodes, yeah, but it's fun. in my free time, i have also watched "Psych" and "Brooklyn-99" though, and i like them! im not a big fan of cop-shows and its tangential forms regardless though. but yeah, i do not recommend "NCIS". it wore me down over the years, but i do not recommend it. for obvious reasons i have now already fully explained lol

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "the difference between a protestor versus an ally" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ and both protestors and allies alike ("allies" being people who cannot protest for disability and/or safety reasons, but who do spread pro-Palestine news how/when they can and donate if/when it is possible for their wallets) are doing their best to keep Palestine in the news as a ton of people try to fund more Palestinian families to get out of danger!! [edit: i would be unsurprised if people disagreed with me that what i call "allies" is different than a "protestor". but i am keeping the term literal at the moment to give credit where credit is due for these organizers, influencers doing content and outreach to sponsor a family or multiple families, sit-out camp and walking-parade and curbside-standing protestors, and so on and so forth. however, my health and disability makes me specifically only capable of "ally" status; so maybe i am wrong and am doing some form of self-deprecation. i personally doubt it; i think im still right to internally have a dividing line made so literal like this. but i am open to the idea if nothing else. feel free to agree to disagree with my diction, i guess lol]

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about anyone saying "that's so mean of you to do to your parents" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ (which anybody who wants to maybe Reblog/Reply/send an Ask to say "that's so mean of you to do your parents": shut the fuck up. okay? my parents don't have an interest in learning how to work streaming services anyway, it's fine. and my mom supports Palestine, so what i said is honestly hyperbole as she'd be down for our household to mostly-intentionally boycott the spin-off anyway. bc, yeah, its SO easily done for us since we dont have any streaming subscriptions, much less Paramount+ specifically. and my dad's early dementia makes his general stance unpredictable, bc it depends what he remembers is happening in the news/in politics, much less in Palestine specifically; he'll be "meh. okay" about being kept out of the loop. okay? focus up. talk shit in meaningful ways instead, like to help donate to Palestinian families in need. okay? okay.)

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "feel free to eventually boycott 'NCIS: Tony & Ziva' when it comes out" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ uh, sure, feel free to eventually boycott "NCIS: Tony & Ziva" when it comes out, since assumedly the networks are not going to ret-con that Ziva David is an Israeli Jewish person (which. her actress' wiki says she herself is neither Israeli or Jewish anyway, so literally no reason for anybody there to dig their heels in about this detail) and there's no reason for us to have ever had, much less have even more Zionism (+ likely still Islamaphobic) propaganda added to our current media landscape. but this show won't be dropping for a while and a half, sO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MORE-PRESSING AND TIME-SENSITIVE [LINKS ABOVE THE READ MORE] PLS AND THANKS 🤗💗💕

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "here is why i am not a good person to follow to help you keep an eye on Palestine; go follow the families and the person who organized these links instead" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ (as someone whose disabilities and lack of wealth means the best i can consistently do is reblog here/repost on tiktok, spread awareness in my irl life, and so on. i irregularly use social media due to how drained i get. i do not have the luxury of energy, esp with all my diagnostic journey medical appointments further tiring me out, to make original posts on a regular basis like Palestinian families deserve and need from their regular backers. i thought of this post idea and worked on it on/off with the bits of energy i have had; i am doing this purely to see if it can help, i do not want attention or to be used as a resource when i cannot reliably be one with my current health situation. instead of me, please go follow these families and this user to keep the cycle going)

[otherworldworldy]

I've done a lot of work dismantling the abuse distilled in me at a young age, but I still find myself censoring parts of myself out of fear of rejection or ridicule.

Grant it, I am still figuring out boundaries and how to be in some situations without spiraling into anxiety. But I can't learn if I can't allow myself to be vulnerable

[theklonoafan]

An important update

Eyo! Just a bit of an update. I'll be taking a break off artworks and most social media in general because lately I've felt a bit of burnout...

TLDR: The way I've been making artworks has been straining my ability to make artworks along with algorithm stuff which made me focus less on my health, as such I'm taking a break.

I'm also thinking of sharing my other interests sometime.

In the last few weeks, I've started to feel this tiredness that I keep getting when I try to do an artwork. I wasn't sure then but I just kept not doing artwork when I was supposed to. And when I do have to do it, especially with Klonoa day. I have to force myself to focus on doing the artwork and not make myself do something else to get to finish it in time. I have to cut corners and for go the stuff I usually have on my normal artworks.

And even when I finished, there was another thing that just kept being on my mind and that was focusing on if I posted my stuff too early or too late as I know that artworks can get obfuscated when they don't reach enough people. Twitter didn't help on that feeling either.

That thing made me frustrated and made me just feel angry to others when it isn't their fault that it is like this.

There's also this odd goal I keep trying to aim and that is posting artworks in a constant schedule. I usually keep a 2-3 days break before posting an artwork. I don't know why I had this goal in mind but I feel like I made this because I kept going into an hiatus in the last few days of a month and not meeting my set goal of more than 6-7 artworks per month. XcX

Not to mention I always have this feeling that each time I take a break, I'm seen less and the stuff from earlier doesn't help on that mindset.

Balancing all of these goals in mind really took a toll in myself, especially that I've been talking less to others to try focus on my artworks and as such, made myself less euthanasic on making artworks.

Others told me that I should take a break off this and I'm going to be taking their word and not post as often as I used to. I'll be posting artworks occasionally but not as frequent as before. I'm not cutting all contact entirely though. I'm still available on my Discord on related servers I'm in.

I might also take this opportunity and start sharing the other stuff I'm interested in that is not Klonoa related. I'm trying to make this multifandom and be more than just Klonoa.

It doesn't mean I'm finished with Klonoa, far from it actually. It's more on me wanting to stretch my horizons and be more comfortable on sharing what I have to others. I wanna be more social and talk to others about my interests so I'm starting with this. :0

I'm hoping this break, plus some changes that I've been thinking of will help with what I've been dealing with.

Thanks for reading this far =v=

[whollysensei]

jhagdjfgadfgs IM READING TOO MUCH FANFICTION AND I CAN'T STOP

brief jumbled translation:

burakh: eyo bitch you interested in buying veggies

daniil: what

burakh: free of charge for such a cutie

daniil: i'd rather you show it up your ass

daniil: ...

daniil: aight boo i'll do it myself

[skitty-kirby]

I don't know if anyone's active there, but I made myself an Insta because I heard good things about its engagement and I've seen so many amazing artists there already- No plans to leave Tumblr of course as it's really cozy here, just thought I'd throw out another option somewhere eyo https://www.instagram.com/skitty_kirby/