#extra makeup would have felt redundant

[teafiend]

[chezzywezzy]

Yandere Michael Myers (1/3)

Word Count; 3.7k

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I rolled onto my side, hand slamming down on the alarm. A groggy yawn escaped my lips. Daylight cascaded past the curtains. Normally, I’d loiter a little longer, but it was my first day at a new job, and I was carpooling with Irene, a sweet neighbor and mother of four with whom I became acquainted.

So, I stepped out of bed and went to the bathroom, going through my morning routine with extra care. I was tired, but despite that, motivated. After all, it was my first job straight out of college after having received my nursing degree. Sure, the job would probably be more intense than most… but my parents wanted me to return home.

I finished up a thin layer of makeup and got dressed. I supposed that I wouldn’t need to be all flashy since I’d be wearing a nursing outfit upon arrival, but I still wanted to leave a good impression on my new boss, Samuel Loomis.

I took my time eating breakfast. I was quite nervous, but I knew things would go smoothly. Sure, working at a sanitarium could be unsafe, but even the most dangerous members of society deserve to be treated with humanity. 

It was approaching half-past-eight, so I zoomed out the door. Irene was parked out front and I walked up to the car. I opened the door, greeting,” Hey, Irene!”

“Good morning, Y/n,” the black-haired Asian woman greeted. 

We headed through Haddonfield. The radio was turned to a minimum. We made some small talk on the drive, eventually exiting the main town and venturing through some forestry. We eventually approached the Smith’s Grove Sanitarium. I fiddled with my bag.

The guards let us through the front gate after confirming our identities. Irene parked near the front of the dismal grey building. All of the barred windows were off-putting. It must’ve gotten cold during the winter. 

“I hope you can last,” Irene sighed. “This job can be… stressful. It depends on who your assigned patients are, though. Mine are fairly nice, but some of our coworkers have experienced violence. And infrequently, death.”

Shivers rolled down my spine. I mustered no reply. We went to the front desk. “Hi, sir. I’m a new employee. Where am I supposed to go?” I asked the attendant, leaning against the counter.

He sent me a small smile. “I’ll call Doctor Loomis. He always insists on showing new employees around himself.”

He reached for the phone and pressed a button, calling for Doctor Loomis. Meanwhile, I sent Irene off since she had more pressing matters. 

A middle-aged man emerged from one of the doors a few minutes later. I recognized him immediately, as his book was incredibly popular, even today.

“Hello, sir!”

The man sent me a warm grin. “You must be Ms. L/n. There’s no time to waste. Let me show you around.”

“Great! Thank you for this opportunity, sir.”

A tour began. I was shaking in my boots, but hardly from the circumstances. I felt more at home in the sanitarium than in any other place, but I was determined to make a good impression on her new boss. The tour seemed almost redundant; it was as though I hadn’t been thoroughly introduced to the map in my pocket already.

“I have a patient that I’d like you to take special care of. Of course, there will be others, but this one… needs someone with such a sunny disposition such as yourself,” Dr. Loomis explained. “I’m sure you’ve heard and perhaps grown up with the stories of this particular patient: Michael Myers. He is a renowned serial killer.”

“Yes,” I replied chipperly. “I’m looking forward to meeting him.”

“Good, because you are going to right now.”

The abruptness took me aback. Anxiety attempted to curl against my insides, but I didn’t allow it. We halted in front of a door that was far sturdier than the others; the door looked fresh and new, which told a story all of its own. Dr. Loomis withdrew keys from his pocket and inserted one. I couldn’t help but gulp.

The door squeals open. I anticipate the deadpan stare as the man and I make immediate eye contact. I had only heard of his strange mask, but never had I seen what he actually looked like: brown, tussled, and overgrown hair. A sharp jawline. Bright blue eyes. Broad and tall. Everything that, under normal circumstances, would make a girl’s heart flutter. But mine was still. He sat in a perfect posture on the bed, and thick metal cuffs gave him little to no freedom with a chain stuck in the wall. 

“Michael. This is Y/n, your new nurse. I hired her to attend to — almost exclusively — your needs. I hope you two can get along. Ms. L/n?” Dr. Loomis introduced, ushering me in.

I grinned, trying to shake off the nerves. “Hello, Michael. I look forward to helping you out. Take it easy on me while I get used to the job, alright?”

“Very good. Now, Ms. L/n will get your lunch medication.”

I was startled but eagerly nodded, having already been shown and trained the how of it all. “Yes. It was wonderful to meet you, Michael.”

As Dr. Loomis and I exited, I felt his gaze glued to me. It was rather unnerving.

Ten minutes later, alone and armed only with my alarm, cell key, and medications, I returned. I took a deep breath. Little did Loomis know, but I had a vague history with Michael Myers. Although we never spoke, he had been in my kindergarten class all the way to when he went on a murder spree. I couldn’t help but wonder if he knew me, too.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t want to work at this specific sanitarium, even though it was my dream job. However, due to parental pressure, I was urged not to leave the area. Coincidentally, this was the only place hiring. Michael Myers was old enough that my parents didn’t bat an eye when I mentioned where I would be working, so it all fit together perfectly.

I entered the room with the small metal tray. Michael hadn’t moved an inch. His eyes bore into me — or perhaps beyond me — and his fists were still clenched in his lap. “Now, although I’m new,” I began,” I’m sure you know the drill. A few pills and a shot.”

I approached warily. Michael did nothing but blink. I sat the tray down on the bedside table, my moves calculated. I grabbed the styrofoam cup of water and handed it to him. He downed his pills with ease and took the shot like a champ. It put me on edge how still the man was. I carefully sat on the bed next to him.

“Although I was advised against breaching the five feet of the chain’s length, I hope you won’t mind. I just… wanted you to get to know me a little since I’ll be working closely with you.” His gaze flitted toward me, cold. “I just recently graduated from nursing school with a specialization in psychiatrics. I was born and raised in Haddonfield, the same as you. And this kind of job is my dream job since I believe that even criminals deserve care and to be treated as humans. So, Michael, I hope you understand that I will do my best to ensure you are well cared for, even in these conditions.”

As I expected, there was hardly any indication he had heard me at all. I stood and nodded. “Anyways, I believe it’s time for lunch. I’ve heard you aren’t allowed to eat with the others, but… I’m hoping I can change that.”

~~~

And change that I did. Dr. Loomis was surprised by Michael’s supposed ‘obedience,’ which had been there from the start. By the time he allowed me to take him to the cafeteria, I had been working there for two months. And although I watched closely, I had hardly noticed any changes in his behavior. My coworker, Irene, convinced me otherwise. With the dangerous stunts I’d been pulling proximity-wise, it was shocking that I had yet to end up like the others.

I wasn’t one to play dumb. I knew that Michael had the highest kill count with the nurses. With giant hands and a large body, he could easily overpower me, but the encouragement I’d gotten from my superiors kept me going. And today was major progress.

Guards clutched at his elbows as we walked down the sanitarium halls. I frowned slightly, knowing that if Michael wanted to do anything, he certainly could, cuffs or otherwise. I walked slightly ahead, having been entrusted with the keys to the cuffs. Although Michael would be somewhat separated, Dr. Loomis believed this to be major news for Michael’s rehabilitation — and now, the doctor was supporting me in risky endeavors.

I grabbed lunch for him as the guards settled him in the corner of the cafeteria. Eyes from the other patients were stuck to me, as I’d only been vaguely introduced. I. Mainly worked with Michael, although I covered a shift for the nurse who works with Marcus — and I understood why she called off so often.

Marcus was an interesting subject. He was a serial rapist, and it showed. Despite his history, Dr. Loomis often had female nurses working with him. And when I did, he did nothing but spit cruel, perverse cat calls at me. I heard a familiar whistle and knew it had come from his general area. I wasn’t surprised that the serial killer made me more comfortable than the rapist.

I returned to Michael with his food. His eyes bore into me, and I smiled. “Now, Michael, I had to pull many strings for this. I hope you appreciate this, but I’m allowed to remove your cuffs for a more comfortable eating experience.”

Michael's eyes flickered to his hands and back to me. I noticed his lips twitched, too. Progress, I chanted in my head. This was progress.

The guards took the handcuffs and held them tightly. They were trained to assess everyone and everything as a threat. Michael was slow and calculated, rolling his wrists. He then took his fork and ate. A sense of intrigue fell over the other patients, and some of the other nurses had their eyes glued to Michael’s form. They were waiting for a freakout that wouldn’t happen, either because Michael was making progress or because he wasn’t dumb enough to plan a breakout in this environment.

Mealtime passed without a hitch. I spent the entire time saddled up beside him. My job felt meaningful as I sat with him. When it was time for him to be escorted back to his room, I told Michael I would see about more comfortable handcuffs for him. Exiting the cafeteria was without hitches, minus a loud holler from Marcus, to which I couldn’t help but notice how Michael’s hands clenched.

When he was safely back in his cell, I decided to try another risky maneuver; I set him free from his restraints and sat beside him on the bed. Michael was still; he always was. I cleared my throat, beginning my typical speech of positivity.

“I know it probably seems silly to you, Michael, but I’m quite proud of you. I’m glad you’re challenging expectations here. You’re really making progress, whether you admit to it or not, and I thank you for that.”

~~~ 

Or so I thought. That night, my landline awoke me from a deep slumber. I thought nothing of it, deciding I wouldn’t be a pushover and pick up another night shift at work. However, the ringing persisted. And when it stopped momentarily, it came again.

I rolled out of bed. My hair was disheveled, and my purple silk pajamas — a gracious housewarming gift from my mother — were crumpled and twisted slightly. I shuffled downstairs, the ringing getting louder the closer I grew. I finally made it to the phone. 

“Hello —“

“L/n, you need to get down here right now! It’s an emergency —“

“Dr. Loomis, what —“

“He’s gone on a rampage. Twelve nurses are dead, and so are five patients —“

“I’ll be right there!”

The line went dead instantly. My mouth no longer felt dry. I was fully alert, although some sleep persisted in the creases of my eyes. I dashed upstairs and pulled on my earlier clothes, which lay scattered on the ground. With that, I made it to my bright blue buggy and drove to my endangered work site.

I’m not entirely sure what motivated me. I thought the police would better handle the situation, and it felt as though all of my efforts had been reduced to nothing. Something had set him off. But I wasn’t a therapist. I shouldn’t have crossed that boundary of trying to give him opportunities.

I pulled into the parking lot.

The moment I exited the car, I heard screaming. Several police cars were parked in front of the sanitarium's entrance. A group of police officers was huddled, but even they seemed worried. I pushed past despite warnings to remain outside. I dashed through the entrance. I followed the sound of the screams. 

And upon entering the prisoner hallways, I found her. My dear friend and coworker, Irene. She lay in the middle of the hallway as a twitching, bloody mess. A weapon had clearly been used: the handcuffs. Her head was bashed in, but there was also bruising around her throat. She’s been bashed and choked to death.

The halls were eerily silent. All of the cells had been unlocked. Some of the patients’ corpses were scattered. All of this destruction… was done by one man.

What had I done? What part of Michael had I unlocked?

I skulked down the hallways. Where were the guards? Where were the police? Where was anybody?

I passed by deceased coworkers as I skulked carefully down the hallways. Occasionally, some of the corpses released dying breaths, but I was certain I was following the blood. And then, as I glanced at the floor, I noticed the smears stopped and bloody footsteps began. The feet were large, and the shoe prints belonged to prisoner shoewear. I gulped, recognizing that the footsteps went straight toward the cafeteria entrance. Worst of all, if Michael discovered the back exit for the cafeteria staff, he would be free.

The doors were wide open, and one was even off the hinges. I stood in the entrance. It was pitch black inside, although the lights sometimes flickered on and off. The footsteps seemed to fade out very quickly into the cafeteria. 

I gulped and took a step back. What was I thinking? That I could confront him? The man was a mammoth and a maniac. I was just the nurse who supported his development. He probably hated my guts, despite what Dr. Loomis thought.

None of the bodies belonged to Dr. Loomis. So where was he? And where was Michael?

I wasn’t left wondering for very long. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed some postils gleaming from the hallway to my right. The police were here, and I was nothing more than bait. No wonder they let me through so easily. Shivers rolled down my spine, and I took two steps into the blackness of the cafeteria.

As the lights flickered on, I saw him. He was holding the corpse of Marcus, that damned patient. I didn’t feel too bad about him, but I was shaking in my boots as the body fell to the ground, and Michael’s gaze turned directly toward me.

His expression had not changed from that of any other day. Cold. Calm. Empty.

And as though he was gliding, he made a beeline toward me. So many questions about his escape flashed through my cranium, and all I could do was freeze in place. A scream remained silent in my throat as I put my trust in the police to be right behind me. My fists clenched, and I opened my mouth just as Michael was a few feet away from me.

“Michael, stop!”

He did.

That made my heart drop to my stomach. However, I realized I did hold some power. I was waiting desperately for the police to enter and intervene, but they were waiting. I decidedly didn’t want them to and took a step back. Michael tilted his head, unblinking. He stayed frozen in place. A plastic knife with the handle broken off was in his bloodied hands, and I noticed some gelatin goo was sticking to the tips. His jumpsuit was drenched and sprayed, as was his face. His hair had never looked more tussled. And even without smiling, he had never seemed more gleeful.

“Michael, what… what is happening? Why did you… do this?”

Before Michael could even think, shuffling footsteps came from behind me. My jaw dropped as an arm suddenly looped around my waist and pulled me away. But Michael just stood standing still as gunshots drilled into his chest. And then, finally, he dropped.

~~~

“Ms. L/n, I understand —“

“No, Dr. Loomis, you don’t,” I pleaded, my aggravation present. “Michael is alive and detained. Something I did set him off, or he was planning it. Nothing I can do will help. I refuse to return to work. I am quitting, effective immediately.”

Dr. Loomis, from behind his work desk, suddenly banged his fists into the desk. “L/n! I know it’s been hard on everyone, but we need you here. We’ve lost twelve nurses. The nurse-to-patient ratio isn’t adding up. The sanitarium is overrun and, if even for the short term, we need you here. I know what we went through was hard, and what happened here can’t happen again.”

“But it will. Does anyone even know how he escaped?” I quipped snappily. “He never even managed to escape his handcuffs. He didn’t need to. So who’s to say it won’t happen again?”

“Because he is being sent away to a sanitarium called Smith’s Grove Sanitarium. It has a high level of security, far better than ours —“

“Good. But that doesn’t mean I am capable of returning to work. I am leaving now, Dr. Loomis.”

With an exasperated expression, Dr. Loomis grasped at the air where I once sat. I didn’t glance back as I exited the office. And I didn’t spare any moments to analyze my surroundings until I was in my car on the road heading far, far away from the sanitarium.

My parents, having finally connected the dots about my job, had been scared shitless. Luckily, it was summer, and the Haddonfield High School was hiring for a new biology position. I was planning to apply to keep things rolling. Deep down, though, I just wanted to ditch this town and escape the parental pressures I was forced into. It was a little late for that, though. The damage had been done.

~~~

For class that day, I had been gracious. I put on the Charlie Brown Halloween movie and sat at my desk. I couldn’t help but notice that as most kids were either passing notes, doodling, or watching, I had one student whose eyes were glued to the window. Laurie had her pen stuck in her mouth as she adamantly stared out.

Suddenly, Laurie looked rather alarmed and made direct eye contact with me. “Ma’am?”

“Yes, Laurie?”

“Can - can I go to the bathroom?”

I paused, glancing out the window for myself. A car was driving away. “Yes, Laurie, go ahead.”

Some of the kids snickered, to which I sent a stern glare. I went back to grading papers, instead getting lost in thought. Teaching was hardly my calling. I was a natural stutterer in the wrong element and did not enjoy disciplining undisciplined children. I also felt that it was dull to go back to the basics, which I would probably end up doing year after year with no change. I knew I had a lot of liberty and the job paid well, but it wasn’t like my time at the sanitarium, with doubled paychecks and a routine that wasn’t up to me. However, I promised my parents to stick around until a better job opportunity popped up.

The movie credits were suddenly rolling, and a student alerted me from my position. Laurie had rejoined the group at some point. I flicked off the television. 

“Well, since I’m everybody’s favorite teacher, and it’s Halloween, why don’t you all just head out early? Class dismissed. Don’t cause any ruckus. I’m looking at you, Tommy.” 

I sent a friendly grin, and the students whooped and hollered. Laurie only glanced away from the window and began packing her things. Laurie was a good student: studious, communicative, and attentive. Perhaps movie days just weren’t her style. Several students came up to talk to me in a line after class, wishing me a happy holiday or asking about grades. Laurie slunk out of the classroom quietly.

After the classroom had been evacuated, I sighed, and out of morbid curiosity, I wandered over to Laurie’s seat. I was taken aback as I recognized that the car from earlier had returned, but even more disturbing, a tall figure with a white mask and brown hair loomed over the vehicle. He made direct eye contact with me.

My brain began processing so many horrors all at once. I hadn’t thought about Michael specifically in months, but it all came flooding back. His history… but it was also Halloween. And no news had come to me about Michael’s escape. Not from Dr. Loomis or the papers.

Regardless, I stumbled back, blinking at the masked figure. We maintained a long, steady eye contact. Even when a man walking his dog strolled on the opposite side of the street, I knew the masked figure’s gaze remained glued to me. 

It couldn’t be Michael. It was a creepy Halloween prank…

I steeled myself and wandered back to my desk. I hurriedly packed up, abandoning the biology tests on the desk in a flurry. Prank or otherwise, I was thoroughly disturbed and wanted to escape that man’s gaze.

When I glanced out the window one last time, the car and man were long gone.

[lubdubsworld]

Falling for you ( Falling from Grace) Jungkook x OC

Summary : Friends with benefits? Or maybe Enemies who just happen to be each other’s best fuck? Areum and Jungkook love driving each other crazy, but also can’t keep their hands off each other.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6

Chapter 7

“A two hour lunch break and a limp? You’ve been busy , I see.....” Hobi remarked mildly , when I slinked back to my desk, thighs still shaking . 

I winced when I sat down, glaring at him.

“I sprained my ankle....” I snapped, internally cringing at the ridiculous lie. 

“While riding his dick? How did that happen?? ” Hoseok rolled his eyes and before I could pretend to be properly outraged he continued, “ No matter.... i want you to compile those memos from last week and write up the report for last week’s meeting. The minutes are in the file.” 

I didn’t particularly enjoy my job or hate it. It was just something I did to make money and I was fine with that. As a kid I’d had some vague dreams of being a photographer and while I did occasionally take my camera out to click candids of my family or the occasional cherry blossom tree, it wasn’t a major component in my life. 

Or at least, it hadn’t been, for the two and half years I’d worked here. Right about the time I started sleeping with Jungkook. I stared at the screen, feeling myself drown in the redundant words. It wasn’t that I didn’t imagine a life with Jungkook.....but... I wasn’t sure if we would work well, as a couple. I had never been on a date with him , never met each other for anything that didn’t end in mutually ( enjoyable ) orgasms and just.... most of the time we did piss each other off incredibly. 

But I could feel the clock ticking....I wasn’t really a co ed anymore, was I? There was more to a relationship than just sex and ... I wanted it. Of course I did....

I couldn’t spend the rest of my life doing this with Jungkook. But I couldn’t for the life of me, imagine not  doing this with him. 

And in the wake of that thought came the thought I had always avoided.

 What if I could have both? What if I could have the dirty , raunchy , mindblowing sex , along with the Sunday brunches, picnics in the park and skinny dipping in the pool at midnight? 

What if, possibly, Jungkook could be the one I had dinner with on a Friday night? What if he was the one I woke up to everyday, made pancakes for and with, smearing flour on each other’s noses as we chased each other around the kitchen in our PJs?

 Fuck. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook was busy for a couple of days with his training and I couldn’t get a chance to meet him . On the day before his supposed match, he told me he wanted to ‘unwind’ . Would I be kind enough to join him for the night? 

I agreed, 

My phone buzzed, just as I stepped out of the shower. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous contact name that Jungkook had probably put in himself. 

 From Hungkook 

You have an appointment tonight m’lady. 

An appointment to ride this dick.

On my terms.

You’re gonna stay over right?

 I scoffed at the last bit., When had it ever  not  been on his terms?? I ran the towel through my hair before carefully coating my fingers with lotion and threading them through the damp strands. 

~~~~

From me,

When did you change your fucking contact name , dickhead. Yes, I’ll stay over and we’re meeting at 7.00 PM right?? Will you pick me up?

~~~~

From Kook,

 Wasn’t me.... must’ve been you subconsciously. Don’t tell me you aren’t thinking about how big I am,  all the fucking time. 

I’m still  setting stuff up. Get a cab. Or I can send my chauffeur if you want? 

~~~~

From me,

 No. I’ll drive myself over. 

~~~~

From Kook,

Wear something easy to take off. c u. 

~~~~

Jerk, I thought fondly. Staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly vulnerable. I wanted to talk to Jungkook about us. And I would.... eventually. When I felt ready enough.... 

For tonight, I would indulge him. .  

I had gone the extra mile today, soaked in the tub for a whole hour so my skin was completely imbibed with the  scent of strawberries and cream, with little whiffs of lavender. The body scrub had done its job and my skin fairly glowed, plump and soft. 

I decided to forego makeup, only putting on the barest minimum : some gloss and a moisturizing spray. I grabbed the short kimono style dress from the closet, slipping it on without anything underneath. 

I stared at myself from all angles, just to make sure I was still decent. Not that it would matter. Jungkook’s condo had a private elevator that no one but he used . Perks of owning the entire apartment complex , I guessed. I hesitated before rummaging through the  small jewelry box I kept hidden in the back of the closet. 

It had a small necklace, the only gift I’d ever accepted from Jungkook. I stared at the small , pendant : a small heart with the words, JK’s engraved on it. It had been a gag gift, meant to aggrieve me during one of our ridiculous spats. But i traced the words and wondered why the prospect of belonging to him didn’t feel quite as infuriating as it used to . 

Slipping it on, I quickly grabbed my wallet and keys. 

Well, time to get this show on the road. ‘

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook opened the door, freshly showered, dressed in a white linen shirt, a few sizes too big and opened half way through. As always, a glimpse of his gorgeous face was all it took for arousal to pool in the pit of my stomach. I smiled at him.

“Hi.” I grinned.

He stared at me for a second taking a deep breath.

“Jesus, you smell fucking delicious....What  is that?” He groaned, grabbing my wrist and tugging me in. I followed him to the dining space, blinking when I saw the two small glasses of wine. 

“Ooh...fancy. Looks like you’re looking to spoil someone tonight. “ I teased. 

“Yeah, just had my girlfriend over. You must’ve run into her on the way up.” He winked and I shook my head, laughing as I grabbed one, taking a small sip. 

“So....? Should we get started....”

Jungkook hummed, grabbing the satin ribbon tie that held my dress together and tugging on it gently. I kept my eyes trained on his face , just so I wouldn’t miss the look on his face when the fabric fell apart. 

He didn’t disappoint. 

Doe eyes widened in shock, lips parting in a sharp little exhale as he stared at me, completely naked in the golden spool of light, cast by the small chandelier overhead. 

“Oh fuck.....is that...?” He lightly pulled the pendant at the base of my throat, staring at the inscription.

“Thought it may turn you on....” I shrugged. Jungkook’s eyes ran up and down my body and I felt an inordinate thrill at how open he was with how much he enjoyed looking at me, even though it was far from the first time. 

“That’s my biggest weakness, darling......I’m always turned on for you...” He grinned , winking. 

“So should we go open that toy box of yours?” I prompted when he stepped closer. 

“Hmm... Not like this. “ He grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and off his torso before carefully slipping it on me. “ I can’t concentrate if you’re standing here without clothes on.” 

 The linen shirt, big on Jungkook’s broad frame , practically swallowed me up, hanging somewhere near my knee. I watched the way his pupils dilated when he stared at me.

“Fuck... you in my clothes.... This may be worse than you being naked...” He said, sounding slightly strangled. 

I flicked his forehead playfully.

“I’m beginning to think you’re just stalling.... ” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Nope, just thinking of a couple of drawings I could make with this particular shirt on you.” 

I felt my insides quiver as I remembered the art and the very enjoyable time I’d had seeing all of it. 

“If you hurry up , I may model for you. “ I said casually and Jungkook froze.

“Better not joke about that, Areum...” He said harshly.

“Well, what if I’m not?” 

“Are you?”

“Only one way to find out.” I smiled, yelping when his arms shot out, wrapping around my thighs and throwing me over his shoulder as he stalked over to the bedroom.

I whined because his shoulder blades dug into my tummy , feeling slightly dizzy from all the blood rushing to my head.

I stumbled a bit when he set me down , blinking to orient myself. I stared around at the room, my throat going dry. 

The bed was covered in satin sheets in a rich shade of burgundy . The entire room was lit only from the backlight in the bedframe, low and demure as it lit parts of the bed while the rest of room stayed plunged in darkness. An ornate table stood right next to the bed with what looked like a hundred or so sex toys and I flushed red, my face heating up. 

I felt my heart begin to pound inside me. 

It was so foreign, this desperate sort of anticipation, something I didn’t usually feel because this was Jungkook and I knew him ....knew his body better than my own. 

“Well, since you wanted to pick the toys we’d use today....”

“No.” I whispered softly.

“What?”

I turned to him , smiling before carefully walking over to the bed and climbing on. I crawled to the center before carefully sitting down on my heels, kneeling. 

“You can pick.”  I shrugged. 

Jungkook stared at me thoughtfully.

“You’re joking.” He said softly.

“I trust you.” I replied. 

His eyes widened, lips parting. He licked his lips, before tugging his lower lip between his teeth. 

“Really? You trust me?” He asked, looking incredibly skeptical.

“I do. “

“Trust that I ....?” 

“That you won’t hurt me.”

“Hmm... I’ve gone soft on you haven’t I? Haven’t left bruises on that perfect body in a while... “ He said casually and I felt my heart jerk a little. 

Earlier in our relationship, Jungkook had always skirted the edge of too much, sometimes leaving marks and bruises  that lingered for weeks after our sexcapades. And he was right...we had toned it down the past few weeks,

“Even then...You never did anything I didn’t want.” I pointed out. 

He smiled.

“That’s true... my pretty little slut, you wanted every single one of those bruises, didn’t you?”

I nodded.

“I did...” 

“So , I can just go pick any toy I want and you’ll let me put it on you....?  In you?” He prompted. 

“I trust you.” I said again. 

He narrowed his eyes at me  before moving slowly to the table. I stared back, holding his gaze as I watched him carefully pick up something from the table.

My heart dropped when I saw the small flogger, his ivory fingers curling on the handle as he carefully, swatted the inside of his other palm with it.

“You sure you’re up for this?” He brought the flogger down on the bed with enough force to make the sheets crackle and the noise was so sharply frightening that I couldn’t help but jump a little.  I flinched so bad, my lips wobbled.

He watched the way I was shaking and scoffed.

“Thought so, fragile little thing like you could never--”

“Yes.” I snapped, willing myself to stay calm. “Yes.” 

Jungkook’s gaze snapped to mine. 

“Color?”

I swallowed, trying to get my senses together. I calmed myself down, trying to think rationally instead of impulsively. 

“Green.” I whispered. 

He hummed. 

I watched as he grabbed a small vibrator , holding it up for me to see., I shrugged, 

“I told you ...I trust you. Looks like you don’t trust yourself... What’s the matter, Jeon,  too chicken to be a real man?  “ I whispered.

His gaze narrowed dangerously. 

He moved briskly to the table and grabbed things quickly. I bit my lips as I saw the nipple clamps, the small whip, the handcuffs and the pinwheel among other things. 

I pulled my gaze away from the toys and stared at him. 

“If anyone can make me enjoy those things...its you.” I whispered and his eyes softened visibly.

“Fuck...don’t say shit like that....” He whispered.

I laughed a little, nodding. 

“Okay. “ I agreed. 

He grabbed a small strip of cloth from the table and held it up between his hands. 

“I’m going to put this on you first. “

I nodded, as familiar with the thick, satiny length of it as i was with my own skin. Jungkook sometimes liked using it to tie my wrists together , especially when he intended to take his time. 

i held my hands out but he shook his head, holding it up and then placing it over my eyes. 

I faltered a little when my vision went black, swallowing as the scent of his bodywash hit me, his body just a few inches away and the urge to touch was so strong , my mouth watering with the urge to run to my lips all over his delectable body. 

He finished tying the fabric at the base of my skull and pulled away. I felt the bed dip as he moved away. 

“ Take that shirt off.” 

I grabbed the hem and stripped quickly, tossing the shirt aside. 

“Lie down. On your back.” 

I nodded before doing just that, letting my arms rest on the side, palms facing up. 

The sound of the flogger cracking through the air made me wince. 

“You’ve ever been hit with one of these....” His voice came from somewhere to my right and I bit my lips, shaking my head.,

“Use your words doll....” 

The nick name made me squirm. 

“No.”

I jumped when I felt the soft strips of the blogger brush against my thigh, so gentle it felt like a kiss. 

“Hmm.... I want you to stay quiet from now unless i ask you something and you will only say, yes or no. Got that?”

“Yes.” 

“Good girl.” 

I felt like I was over heating, my body thrumming with anticipation.

“i don’t use it too often because I prefer my hands. Like bringing it down on the curve of your ass or maybe your thighs.....Nothing quite as satisfying as feeling that soft flesh give under your palm, hot and burning. And man the way the red just blooms on the surface when i pull away....addicting.”

His fingers closed over my thigh and squeezed. 

I jerked a bit. 

“It hurts at first....but it also feels good. A good , fiery burn that makes you feel alive .... that makes your skin thrum with life....and after the tenth hit, the pain is so numbed down that your mind only experiences the pleasure ..... “ 

I bit my lips to stop myself from saying anything. 

“The pinwheel is what really hurts.” I felt the sharp prick of it on my cheek, and i jerked back a bit., “  It’s very sharp and precise....like the stab of a hundred needles on your body...I like using it between the thighs....You know, right on that swollen little nub in the middle.... usually makes the girl lift right off the bed....”

He chuckled .

I was panting a bit, every word translating into a phantom touch on my body. Although he was only saying it, my body seemed to experience it physically. 

I felt the air shift around me, and then the familiar press of him body on mine, my arms instinctively shooting up to grip him as he straddled my waist, his hands grabbing my wrists and yanking them away. He pushed my hands up against the headboard, and I felt his breath right against my neck, feather light kisses that traced a path up to my ear and then he gently blew air against my earlobe. 

“And man, the vibrator is my favorite.” His voice was low and deep, whispering dirty, right into my ear and I clenched around nothing, feeling wet and empty as he went on, “  I’d leave it right up against your clit while I eat you out, two of my fingers fucking into your sweet little cunt, tongue lapping up that sweet , sweet slick of yours..... Fucking delicious , makes me want to bury my face into it.... fuck.....baby, i could eat you out for hours.... “

I choked out, struggling to get my hands free, desperate to feel him, desperate to feel him inside me .

“I would eat you out so good but I wouldn’t let you cum.” 

I felt my heart drop. 

“Please Jungkook-”

“Uh-uh-uh....Nope...” Jungkook muttered.” Don’t want you begging so soon baby.,... we haven’t even started yet...Didn’t I tell you not to say anything till I asked you to? What's the matter baby, you like hearing what I want to do to you? Doesn’t it make you wet...make you want to fuck yourself on my cock?”

I bit my lips, trying to regulate my breathing , bucking up into his hardness as he rolled his hips into mine. I kicked out , trying to dislodge him, just a little bit so I could feel him where i wanted and he grunted when my heel hit his shin. 

I whined when his fingers tightened on my wrists, hard enough to make the bones grind together. Pain shot up my forearm and I whimpered when a hand wrapped around my throat, gentle but with the threat of force behind it. 

“Stop fucking wiggling and listen to me. “ He snapped and I froze. 

“If I eat you out.... turn the vibrator up, and then tell you to not cum till i ask you to.....Can you do that?” 

“Yes.” I sobbed out, 

He grinned.

“Really baby? No protests? You’ve never let me edge you before....I wonder what’s changed?” He whispered.

“Trust you.” I whispered and his breath caught again. 

“You trust me that much?”

“Yes.” 

“Trust me when I say if you cant hold it off...if you cum without my permission, well....that’s when I’m gonna get the fucking whip.” 

My body screamed in protest at the very thought of it. 

“Well? “ He demanded, squeezing down on my throat just a bit. “ Still trust me?”

I felt the first gush of tears, feeling my heart thud against my ribs. All i could think about was Jungkook’s face when he’d held me that day, when Junho had hurt me. The way his eyes had flooded with tears at the sight of me hurt and it was absolutely laughable....the idea that Jeon Jungkook would somehow choose to hurt me voluntarily. 

“Trust you.” 

For a few seconds, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t move either. 

“Should we get started then?” 

“Okay.” I whispered.

I felt a pang of loss when he moved up and off my body, and I blinked against the blindfold, trying to ground myself. Fear and arousal made me disoriented , my mind struggling to decide whether I was enjoying this or not. 

I heard the crack of the flogger again and screwed my eyes shut. 

“You ready?” , the bristles traced up my leg, from my feet right up to the top of my thighs. 

I took a deep shuddering breath.

“Yes.”

I bit my lips, bracing myself for the hit. 

It never came. 

Instead, all i felt was the gentle brush of lips against my brow, and then against my cheek, soft, feather light kisses , peppered across my jaw and down my neck. I gasped as his lips parted slightly, opening and closing on the soft skin, suckling gently for just a second before his tongue followed, soothing the slight sting. 

I licked my lips , gasping when his fingers fluttered up and down my arm, so gentle that I wanted to cry. 

“I like the idea of taking you apart...., having you tremble with anticipation because you’re scared of what I’d do next , but you know what I like more, Areum?” 

Fingers lightly gripped my wrist, pulling them up till my hands rested on his shoulders. 

“Jungkook?”

“I like it when you touch me. I like it when you’re trembling, not because you’re scared or worried but because you’re feeling good....because I’m making you feel good.” 

I smiled despite myself. 

“Can i touch you?” I whispered.

“You don’t ever have to ask...” He breathed against my lips, and i surged up to kiss him. Letting my fingers drop down to tug at the hardened length of him. I ran a finger over the tip, mouth watering at the mound of precum leaking out of him, enough for me to get my palm wet , so I could stroke him without any abrasive friction. 

He growled , rolling over me and nipping sharply at my neck, before pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

“Gonna eat you out. “ He growled and i grinned.

“No vibrator?” I teased and he grunted, already crawling down my body.

“Don’t need it.... Gonna make you cum just with my tongue.” 

I let my head fall back against the pillows as he grabbed my hips, lifting my waist up before shoving a couple of pillow underneath.

“Bend your knees and spread your thighs for me angel.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my ankle and I nodded quickly, doing just that. I dug my heels into the soft sheets. 

“You want to me to get the vibrator?” He bit my thighs lightly and I jumped. 

“Not really....” I breathed out .

Warm wetness closed over my center and I gasped, fingers reaching down to grip his hair . 

“Gonna ride my face , baby?” He laughed against my slit, tongue tracing the seam with soft little kitten licks and I groaned. 

He lost no time, slipping two fingers straight into me, parting them in a V and licking into the gap, tongue pushing into me with the kind of ease that came from doing something you loved, something you enjoyed doing. 

Pleasure shot straight up my spine rendering me boneless, my limbs turning to jelly as he used his thumb to gently run circles on my clit, all the while licking into me, tongue curling inside me, pushing against my walls and lapping up the wetness like it was the sweetest drink he’d ever had. 

And nothing was a bigger turn on than how much he seemed to be enjoying it and i found myself falling apart embarrassingly fast. I felt my thighs start to tremble and Jungkook hugged against me, slipping another finger in, the fit now tight and I whimpered when he curled his fingers inside me, fingers tips reaching back to nudge the spot the usually sent me spiraling off the edge. 

“Don’t want you to cum yet,....hold off for me.... “ He whispered suddenly, squeezing in a fourth finger and I blacked out when my orgasm hit before I could even try to stop it, clenching down on his fingers so tight that he couldn’t even move them , my muscles screaming as I gripped the duvet under my fingers.

“I ....” i  couldn’t form words. 

“Thought I told you not to cum.” He said softly, somewhere over me. 

I swallowed.

“You... You did it on purpose ...you... fuck...”

“Did what on purpose...” He was laughing a little, and I mewled a little when his fingers rubbed on my clit again, thumb dipping into me playfully.

“Told me to not cum just before you.... Oh fuck” I choked out when he slipped his fingers right back in, and my body screamed in protest , the overstimulation making my eyes water. 

“Sould i get the whip as promised?” He laughed and I froze.

“I would let you, you know. “ I said softly.

He didn’t respond but he did draw his fingers out of me. I let my legs drop down to the bed and waited for him to say something but he didn’t , so I continued, stammering a bit.

“It’s not the kind of thing i would want in general...” I admitted, “ But I didn’t like half the things we do now, once. You’re... you’re my kink.” I chuckled, feeling a bit like i was laying myself bare . 

“Areum...”

“Its you...anything that makes you feel good is what makes me feel good... I love the way your eyes darken when you tie me up...The way you always want to hold me down with a little more force than necessary and the way you sometimes , purposely leave me handcuffed in a way that makes it hurt..... and its not because I’m a masochist or because i love pain but i just... I like doing it for you. “ I admitted. 

I waited for him to say something, and the silence made me nervous. Had I said too much? Had I made him uncomfortable? Oh God, did he think it was too weird?

I opened my mouth, ready to apologize for making things weirds, but before I could , the blindfold came off and I blinked , confused to see him hovering over me. 

“I...” He looked like he was shaking. 

“Jungkook?” I asked, confused, hand reaching up to grip his cheek, concern blooming inside me because of how scared and terrified he looked. 

“You.... You...What you said...” He was definitely shaking, 

“I’m sorry.” I said softly. “ I didn’t mean to imply I didn’t like it..I just want you to know that I’m open to doing new things with you and you don’t have to hold yourself back......”

"Fuck .,.. Areum.. I...” He closed his eyes, laughing a little. 

Genuinely worried, I brushed my thumb across his cheek in worry.

“Hey...what’s wrong?” I asked gently. 

His eyes fluttered open and he stared right at me. 

“I think I’m in love with you.” He whispered. 

My breath got knocked right out of my lung and i gasped out loud, my mind turning to complete mush. 

“I-uh...whu-buh???” I said intelligently and he laughed.

“Fuck.. i didn’t... I didn’t mean to blurt that out.. I...”

I grabbed him before he could move away, tugging his gorgeous face closer to mine.

“Did you mean that?” I croaked out, my voice raw from shock.

He stared at me doe eyes wide and open and so damn vulnerable. 

“Uh...yeah.. I... “

“you stupid fucking bastard...” i choked out, raising myself up to capture his lips with mine. He groaned as he kissed back, lips opening beneath mine and tongue slipping into my mouth with the practiced familiarity of a thousand kisses behind us ad it was so amazing, how incredibly new and exciting this felt, when we had done it so many times. 

I found myself grinning into the kiss as I slipped my fingers into his hair, tugging on the thick dark locks , to pull him away for a second. 

“Can i take you out on a date?” I panted and he was grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah.... Yeah... you can.” 

I smiled and bit my lips, tears spilling out before i could stop myself. 

“I love you so fucking much...” I whispered and he brushed his thumbs across my cheek, wiping away the dampness.

“So fucking sappy.....” He said fondly. “ Now , tell me....can I fuck you....?”

I shook my head. 

Jungkook’s face fell, lips jutting out in a pout and I pressed a finger against his lips when he began to protest.

“You can’t fuck me....but you can make love to me. If you even know how.” 

His gaze softened. 

“I’ve always made love to you Areum.... I may have been rough but I never had anything but affection for you when I touched you.”

I couldn’t help but trace my fingers over his features, taking in the handsome curves and ridges of his face. 

“ I know...but I’d still like to do it gently. Sometimes.” 

He nodded.

“Anything for my gorgeous girlfriend.” He pecked my nose. 

My heart leapt right up at that. 

I could get used to being called that. 

I wrapped both my legs around him, drawing him closer.

“How do you want it?” He whispered.

“Just you... inside. “ I rubbed my nose against his as he nodded.

He barely let me catch my breath before lining himself right up against me and sliding right in and this time, I got to hold his gaze as he slid home, saw exactly how it affected him, how pleasure hit him, hard and fast as he sank into my warmth. 

“Oh fuck...” He whispered . 

“Fuck me slow.... like you have all the time in the world.” I demanded, slipping my fingers in his hair and gripping hard and he grunted, gripping my waist and squeezing hard enough to bruise . 

“ As you wish.” He moved his hands up to shape my breasts, thumb brushing my nipples till the nubs perked right up and I groaned when he bent over and took one of them into his mouth, all the while sliding in and out of me at a tortuously slow pace.

"I'm glad we skipped over the part where we deny our feelings.." I whispered against his lips and he grinned.

"I've never denied shit. If you remember..... This whole sex only business was entirely your idea....I asked you on a date two years ago...."

I flushed.

" I thought you were mocking me."

He shook his head , gripping me close and rolling us over so I was on top. Taking the cue, I dug my knees into the duvet and gripped his shoulders, biting my lips at the new angle .

" No , You thought I was a fuckboy..... I wasn't and I knew that I would have to work hard to prove it to you. "

"Prove that you weren't a fuckboy?"

"Prove that just because I liked sex doesn't mean I don't care about anything else.....Prove that, yes, I wanted to fuck your brains out but i also wanted to hold your hands and lick ice cream off your nose...." He rolled his hips into me and I moaned. 

“Well, thank you for that. Point taken . “ I choked out. 

He hummed and jugged the chain on my neck, fingers lightly tracing the inscribed JK’S.

“ So this is official?” He grinned. 

I rolled my eyes.

“I belong to no one.” I said loftily and he responded my moving his hips just a little too harsh on the next thrust, making me yelp in surprise. 

“This feels good...” He kissed the tip of my nose. 

“Nothing like good old vanilla sex after a heartfelt confession. “ I hummed. 

“But just so you know, we are definitely. playing with my toys someday.” 

I gave his ear a sharp tug.

“Stop ruining the moment and fuck me.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE :  See.... not a smidgen of angst to be seen anywhere :D :D :D Please leave feedback I’m thirsty for it :’( 

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[mrsharlingx]

Here’s a food for thought... 🌍 💭

I think it’s genuinely mind blowing, The Law of Attraction. I’m not one to manifest or ‘ask the universe’ to help me achieve goals, that can physically only be achieved by myself. I’ve never really understood the idea of it or what it entails, I’m more of a science kind of girl. You know, facts. So when I first heard that actual people like me and you, were going as far as writing letters to a mysterious, invisible force whom we know nothing about...you can kind of figure how I felt towards this. ‘Are you kidding me?!’.

How ever it turns out, that the people of today are not as crazy as you would think. The past few months have been so overwhelming for me. Exciting but, overwhelming.

‘Sorry, you are being made redundant’. ‘Miss Blades, I’m afraid your contract has fallen through’. ‘We’ve had to cut your hours due to Covid-19’. Oh well, I mean least we’re still getting married! Oh wait, no we’re not. The wedding is back on! ‘Have you seen Boris’ announcement? Only 4 people allowed at the ceremony, make sure you wear a mask!’. Have we got a moving date yet for Cyprus? When are they shipping all of our belongings? ‘Your shipment is delayed and can take up to 9 weeks’. ‘Your flight has been changed, and we’re putting you in a different house’ - after months of planning and preparing for the one we were originally given!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for Cyprus. Even the sunshine just makes all the difference to your day. But since I’ve been here, I’ve been struggling to find work. Now I don’t know about you, but gaining a husband does not mean I’ve gained an extra source of income. The option is there, how ever I refuse to take it! I have always worked from an extremely young age, and I would not choose to live any other way. Independence is such a huge part of a woman’s life, and it’s something we once had to fight for. So this is something that really effects me and my independence, probably more then it should.

Last night while I was struggling to sleep, I decided to ‘ask the universe’ for some help. Speak to my self in the mirror and project all of my goals and wishes out into the open to be granted. I won’t lie, I felt very silly. I didn’t go as far as addressing a hand written letter to Mother Nature her self, but I suppose it was a start. You won’t believe this next part, prepare to be mind blown. This morning when I’d woken up, the universe had responded 💭 But not quite how I imagined it. The first correspondence from the Almighty was in an email!

‘Dear Mrs Harling, we would like to invite you for an interview on 3rd March 2021’. My jaw nearly fell to the floor. Did this shit really work? Hell, I’m gonna ask the universe for next weeks lotto roll over! The second sign from the Almighty, was a phone call from my fathers lovely girlfriend, Sara.

‘Babe, you’re never going to believe this. The local news paper at home want you to write a full two page feature! Here’s the best part, it’s all about makeup!’. I really could not believe what I was hearing. Is this all it takes? Is ‘positive vibes, positive mind’ really true? A little flutter of the eyelash to my surroundings in order to attract everything I want in life? Because believe me, I’m a pro! I did it for most of my teen years to my father for spending money.

As you can tell I was very reluctant about all of this. I am in no way saying that it worked or that I’ve got the universe to thank, because all of this could of just been mere coincidence. But something happened today that you just could not explain. Weeks of shitty sleep and feeling helpless, I decided to try an alternative. And maybe tonight I’ll sleep just that little bit better. ❤️🧚🏽‍♀️

What do you think?

[minichedders]

lost and found 0.1

mobster!tom holland x reader

shit. shit. shit.

You hand frantically searched through your bag, looking for your small purse. You knew that it wasn't in your bag, as you had searched multiple times before, but you hoped and prayed that if you looked just once more, that it would magically appear. You sighed heavily, dropping your bag on the floor and leaning against the wall, trying your hardest not to cry, running your hands through your hair and holding your cheeks. All your money was in that course all this month's wages were in there, holding over 200 hours worth of your time. 

The thought of ordering in a takeaway was now long gone, especially considering you didn't even have any money, but there was no food left in the fridge, other than a few odd potatoes left in the abandoned vegetable department. You looked at your old watch, 2:03am. You eyes felt heavy and bloodshot, and your body was weak and exhausted; so you decided to search for the lost purse tomorrow, bright and early, in hope of at least getting your ID back.

Your body dragged itself to your bedroom, food now long out of your mind as your head hit the pillows, wrapping your still fully clothed body in the warm sheets, putting your TV on, listening to the news quietly as you drifted off to sleep.

-

Three heavy knocks jumped you out of bed, your dark makeup spread across your cheeks, you're top twisted around your torso, hair messy and your lips dry and cracked. You begrudgingly answered the door, to be met with no one but the coldness of the apartment hallway. at your feet was a plain white box, with a black ribbon, tied neatly across, and a small, handwritten placard attached. You grabbed the box, walking back to your bed, and tossing the box onto the mattress, crossing your legs and lazily untying the bow. Your eyelids still feel as heavy as they were last night, and they began to water at the sight in front of you. Your purse. 

Some angel out there was really looking out for you. You quickly awoke, grabbing the purse frantically as you opened it up, only t find everything you had left within it, all the small coins, noted and checks that you had yet to cash in, as well as your cards and ID's, you where between laughing and crying as you held the monthly paycheck to your chest, almost screaming. Nearly forgetting, you twisted the small card in your fingertips, reading it over again and again.

'Keep it safe. T.H'

The small, cursive handwriting almost had you swooning, your guardian angel. You wish they would leave their full name or at least return address so you could express your gratitude, but you thought nothing of it was you began getting ready for your day of work.

-

"That's insane, reminds me of that Chris Evans film where they send the whole night looking for that girl's purse," Rebbecca said, cleaning the bar top as you wiped the glasses.

"Yeah, except i didnt go out looking for it, and unfortunately, i did not get to snog Chris Evans," You replied, your head glazed over with the initials T.H. Rebecca had spent the afternoon thinking of random and crazy scenarios or names that could belong to the man, or women who had returned your purse. To be honest, you didnt care that much, just thankful that you had everything back, and you could afford a Chinese takeaway tonight.

During your deep spaced out moment, you didnt notice the extremely dark and handsome man that had walked in the empty bar and was now standing in front of you, until Rebecca had coughed loudly in your direction.

"Oh, Hi, sorry, what would you like?" You asked, now placing the glass on the side, looking up to meet a pair of beautiful, deep brown eyes staring back at you, it was harsh and intense, but somehow soft, making your legs almost cave in. You took time to study his appearance, black suit, dark brown hair that had irresistible curls, sturdy jawline and chiselled face, and you doubted you were mistaken when you thought about the hard muscles that lay underneath his clothes. He looked like the gym type. 

"Just a whiskey please, darling," The man responded, sitting on the bar stool opposite you, leading his arms over the counter, and if it wasn't for the 4 foot of marble between the two of you, you would jump into his arms.

"Right away, sir," You responded; diverting your gaze quickly, and shly moving around the bar, ring your best not to spill the drink with your nervous, shaking hands. Once you had placed the drink on the coaster, you locked eyes with the man, almost become trapped in the depths of brown and yellow.

"Y/N!" Your boss shouted from the back office, making you jump slightly, seemingly amusing the man in front of you. You broke your eye contact and rushed to your impatient boss.

"Yeah," You said, waiting in the doorframe for your boss to turn his attention from the paperwork and talk to you.

"You know who that is right?" He asked, signalling you to come in and close the door, so the man from the bar didnt hears.

"Uh, no? Should I?" You asked, your fingers twirling with each other nervously.

"Y/N, that's Tom Holland, as in London crime family Tom Holland," He said, tapping his pen against the desk as he gawked at you, not believing you had no idea; but to be fair, you where always oblivious about d=crime in London, it made you feel better about living there if you ignored it all.

"Oh," You replied. He was certainly attractive and intimidating as hell, but you couldn't imagine him to be part of any crime family, especially with that hair, it looked so soft and curly, you just wanted to run your hands through it on a Sunday morning, with the smell of fresh cinnamon pancakes.

"Y/N!" You boss shouted again, capturing your attention out of your daydream as he laughed at you. 

"Yeah?" You said, smiling nervously at him.

"He brought the bar early this morning, I'm retiring you see, and he's going to take you, but he's made the rest of my employees redundant. Including Rebecca," He spoke, slowly so you would understand even when you were miles away, which you often were. 

"Why, why me?" You asked, knees and fingers shaking, scared to even ask. You were interrupted by the door creaking open, revealing Tom in the doorway, his impressive figure leaning against the frame, hands in his pocket, clearly showing off his grey holster gun as he smirked at you.

"Leave us," Tom spoke, his eyes still trained on you as your boss rushed out the room quicker than you could respond. You watched as Tom closed the door behind him, moving across the room, sitting in your boss' previous chair. You both sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, you were unsure whether you should get up and leave, or stay as still a possible and hope you could sink into the material of the chair and hide away forever.

"Do you know who i am?" Tom asked. Your eyebrows furrowed, not fully understanding the question, did he mean knowing about the crime family, or personally, or just in general. You didnt verbally respond, instead just shrugging your shoulders, looking down to the floor, trying to keep your heartbeat under control. Tom hummed.

"You are dismissed then, keep safe darling," He spoke, making your ears perk up and your eyes widen, before you quickly made your escape out of the room.

-

When you arrived home, there was another package like the one before, only this time, the white box and black box brought an empty feeling to the pit of your stomach. You brought it inside, reading the card first.

'Help yourself. T.H'

Inside the box was two large wads, making you scream. You didnt even want to touch the money, let alone count how much was in there. The idea made you sick, although you surely needed the money, this wasn't how you would earn it. You thought where wrapped in dismay and anger that when your phone rang, your veins went cold.

You answered harshly, somehow knowing who would be on the receiving end.

"Woah baby, no need for that language," Tom responded, and even over the phone, you could see the smug, cocky smile play on his lips.

"What are you playing at Holland?" You demanded, discarding the box of cash on the kitchen counter, tossing the card in the trash.

"Just thought you could use the extra money, maybe buy yourself a nice work outfit, maybe some lingerie, blue is my favourite by the way," Tom said, his playful tone ringing in your ears as you were fuming.

"Keep on dreaming Holland," You sneered, hanging up without another thought. Your face was red, your mind filled with thought and your heart bursting with unknown feelings, what a fucking rush.

Your phone buzzed again, with a text from the same number.

'10am sharp, don't disappoint me. T.H'

-

@sweetenedangeltears

[an-aura-about-you]

Sweet Dreams

So yeah, why wasn’t Autor there during the conversation between Logos and Fakir from some time ago?

Autor raps his knuckles against the door, a mere formality at this point with him and Erina but one he can’t stop himself from doing once he’s started. After all, a degree of politeness when visiting his girlfriend unannounced will likely be appreciated, almost as much as the chocolate covered ants he managed to find for her. The knock on the door and the treat he’s brought should outweigh coming over without notice when he really has no business coming over at all.

His business should��be back at home with his father and Fakir. But he shoves that away, actively avoiding the destiny that’s already told him thanks but no thanks, we’ve already filled the position. There’s too much that’s not his, and he’s better off leaving it behind. But now that he has a secret keeper in Erina, he can tell her in brief why he’s here and be done with it for the night. Anything else would just be treading old ground, and he can already imagine Erina rightfully dismissing such redundancy. He can take his turn to check after her for a change, or if she isn’t in such a mood they could at least find some distraction together.

What he finds when the door opens, however, is even less expected than he is.

“The boa is fetching, but I don’t know if it goes with the glasses,” he says, wiggling his fingers under his nose for emphasis.

“Hello to you, too,” Erina greets, fixing the Groucho glasses so the fake nose sits better over her real one and adjusting the boa sitting over her surprisingly adorable ant print pajamas. “I’m afraid I’m in the middle of a session, but we should be able to fit you in ri- are those chocolate covered ants?!”

“Well, yes, actually,” Autor answers just as she takes hold of the bag and his hand.

She whips the glasses off and goes, “I’m giving you extra kisses for that,” punctuating it with a quick peck on the lips.

“Erina, if you’re gonna spend your whole turn at the door, give someone else the glasses!” a voice Autor can’t entirely place calls from inside.

Erina turns back to call in return, “I’m still taking my turn! Autor’s come over, so he can be next.”

Before Autor can ask exactly what he’s going to be next in and why it requires wearing Groucho glasses, another voice he recognizes as Blanchefleur cuts in with, “That’s fine, but he can’t stay all night, Erinachen.”

Autor takes in everything going on piece by piece as Erina escorts him in, though it’s still not coming together. Realization bides its time, sitting in wait with the girls gathered around the sofa in the living room. Pique and Lilie face each other on the floor, toying around with some makeup and glass jewelry but otherwise clad in pajamas just like Erina. Duck lies on the sofa itself flipping through a purple paperback book, but she sits up with a smile when she spots Autor.

“Hi, Autor!” Duck cheerily greets. “Is Erina gonna tell you what your dreams mean, too?”

Before he can answer, Erina puts the Groucho glasses back on and says, “You can interpret Autor’s dreams when I’m done with you, Duck. Then anyone who wants to go again can be next.”

“Me!” Pique calls dibs. “I need something besides Lilie telling me all my dreams are omens of death.”

“It’s not so bad!” Lilie insists. “Watching you struggle helplessly against your dark fate is so encouraging!”

Erina points to Lilie with her free hand and asks the other girls, “Is she always like this?”

“Even worse,” Pique and Duck answer.

“Liars!” Lilie quickly rebuts.

Erina shrugs and finally takes the chocolate covered ants out of Autor’s hand, freeing him from her grasp so he can take a seat. “Anyway, I’m sorry about our interruption, Duck,” she says, making herself at home on a nearby stool and taking the purple book out of Duck’s hands. “So, where were we?”

“Did I tell you about the part when Fakir said he was gonna write a book about everything that happened and asked me to go to the book store with him?” Duck asks, reclining on the sofa once more. “But when we got there, there was a puppet sitting behind the desk. And Mr. Felidae was there, but he was a giant cat again, and he showed me a bunch of pictures of his kids while Fakir went to talk to the puppet.”

“Well, I don’t even need the book for this one,” Erina says, passing the dream dictionary over to Autor. “Clearly, this dream is about you considering a future with Fakir.”

“What?! Let me see that,” Duck goes, sitting up again and reaching for the dream dictionary.

But Autor pulls the book away, already burying his nose in it. “I can give you a second opinion,” he offers, catching on and jumping into the game. “But frankly, I think my colleague is right in this matter.”

Erina plucks the book out of his hands and says, “Ah-ah-ah, if you’re going to be giving a professional opinion, you have to look the part.” She takes off the Groucho glasses and holds them up to slide on his nose only to realize they won’t fit over his regular glasses. “Oh... We’ll have to do something about this.”

“Wait, what do we have to do?” Autor asks, taking the book back only for Duck to snatch it. “I look professional enough, thank you.”

“Lilie, can you take over Duck’s session while I help Autor look the part?” Erina asks, passing her the Groucho glasses.

But before Lilie could take them, Pique snatches them first and goes, “Don’t worry, Duck, I’ll save you. Especially since I think we need to talk about you having a future with Fakir.”

“Ooo, this is even better than I anticipated!” Lilie gushes, following close behind Pique for what she hopes to be a battle.

Autor lets Erina lead him away and sit him down where Pique and Lilie were before. He opens his mouth to ask what exactly she’s going to do, but then she picks up an eyebrow pencil.

Never mind, he’s going to ask anyway.

“Okay, exactly what are you going to do to me?”

“Well, if you can’t wear the mustache, we’ll have to give you your own,” she answers, playfully wiggling the pencil. “Besides, I’m kind of curious to see what you’d look like with one. So what do you say?”

Autor considers this before shrugging and going, “Do you take requests?”

“Within reason.”

“Snidely Whiplash?”

Erina bows her head laughing before gently taking his chin in her hand and getting to work with the pencil.

“-and while I usually don’t like disagreeing with my colleagues, I don’t think these are an omen of actual death,” Autor tells Pique, stroking his chin in imitation of stroking the goatee Erina drew on him. “Rather, this is indicative of letting go of something you’ve been holding for too long. There are things that aren’t meant to last forever.”

“I didn’t think of it that way,” Pique admits. “That...actually sounds like good advice.”

Autor shrugs nonchalantly and pretends to fiddle with his mustache. “Yes, well, I do that.” He checks his watch and adds, “Oh, look at the time. I’m afraid your hour’s up. Will you be paying in cash today?”

Pique sits up and gives Autor a handful of Monopoly money. “Same time next week?”

“My secretary can pencil you in,” he replies, licking his thumb and counting through the play currency. Satisfied, he folds the bills and puts them in his shirt’s breast pocket.

Pique swings her legs over the side of the sofa, frowning in contemplation. “Wait, were we supposed to pick secretaries for our turns?”

Autor shrugs. “I’m just going with what sounds like it fits.”

The two take a moment to look at the other three to see if anyone’s available for such a role. As it is, Erina and Duck managed to keep Lilie occupied by convincing her to help put Duck’s incredibly long hair in a set of curlers.

“Hey, I think we’re done with the dream doctor game,” Duck comments, tilting her head back a little to look at Erina and Lilie.

Erina mumbles a something of acceptance through the bobby pins held in her lips. She then eyes Autor and tips her head forward in indication. Autor follows her look but doesn’t even say a word, merely nods and goes to the kitchen.

As soon as he’s out of the room, Pique asks, “How did you do that?”

Erina frowns for a moment before shrugging it off, unsure how to actually explain something she didn’t even think about until Pique asked.

Autor returns moments later, laughter in his wake, and reports, “Your father says dinner’s ready and that the mustache isn’t doing me any favors.”

Erina takes the rest of the bobby pins out of her mouth, shakes her head, and says, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, liebling. You look very dashing.”

Again, he doesn’t say anything, but he heads back to help set up dinner with a small, content smile he didn’t have before.

Autor yawns against the back of his hand, the air of drowsiness that’s fogged the room taking its toll on him. Duck, Pique, and Lilie have all nodded off in a heap on the sofa, leaving him and Erina the only ones in the party still awake to watch what’s left of The Wizard of Oz while cozily sharing the matching loveseat. He lost track of when Erina actually curled up against him or when he reciprocated by putting his arm around her, though it must have been some time after Erina loosely braided her hair for the night. Not that the braid’s stopped him from playing with her hair, his fingers idly flicking through the tuft at the very end. Erina catches his yawn, but she tries to hide it.

“I should probably go,” Autor whispers, but not without some reluctance.

Erina quietly hums before whispering back, “Let’s wait until my parents say something. Besides, we really should finish the movie.”

“It would be a shame not to finish it,” he says.

She wraps her arms around his middle and yawns again. “Thanks for crashing my sleepover. You should do that more often.”

He manages to contain his laugh before saying, “I didn’t mean to. Father’s talking to Fakir at home, and it just felt...”

“Oh,” Erina sighs in understanding. “And you needed someone to talk to?”

“No, or at least not about that. I came over thinking I’d rather listen to you talk than go over the same stuff we’ve discussed before.”

“We can still do that if you want,” she says. “Did I tell you I started looking at ballet companies I’m thinking about joining once I finish school?”

“Is it already time to start that? Or are you starting early?”

She shrugs, her shoulders still under his arm, and goes, “A little early, I guess. But that doesn’t hurt. Time to recover if I make a wrong choice.”

“Good thinking,” he agrees, toying with the end of her braid once again. “I guess I don’t know what I’m going to do. Keep playing the piano for now, probably.”

“It’s not a bad idea. Will you help me practice for my auditions?”

“Of course.” And then, because he can’t help but wonder, “Any particular reason you braided your hair, by the way?”

Erina pulls her braid out of his grasp and says, “I always braid my hair for bed. It’s so long that it gets in my face if I don’t.”

Autor considers this, his nose itchily twitching at the thought, and nods in acceptance. Once that’s passed, he quietly says, “I like girls who braid their hair for bed.”

Erina turns her head a bit to side-eye him from her spot snuggled against his chest. “What?”

He flushes and a nervous stammer invites itself in while he gets out,“R-remember when you asked me if I like girls with long hair or short hair? I didn’t have an answer. So th-that’s my answer now.”

“Oh,” she answers, having forgotten about it until Autor brought it up again and her own cheeks growing warm.

“So, what companies were you thinking about?” Autor asks, attempting to jump back on track. “Local work? Or will you be touring?”

“I mean, I guess I could try one type then the other,” Erina says. “Stay with what I like.”

Autor considers this with a small nod. “Keep in touch if you tour. And come back here sometimes.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I stay?” she asks.

“Of course, but I know performers have to tour sometimes,” he says. “I did grow up with Father going on tour. Besides, if I don’t even know what I want to do, I don’t know if I’ll stay in Goldkrone myself.”

“Good point,” Erina agrees, squeezing him just a little bit tighter. “I guess we’ll just have to see how things work out.”

He hums in agreement, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. It’s a very soft, peaceful moment, threatening him with sleep. When did he become so susceptible, so weak when he used to go multiple nights without sleep willingly? The difference occurs to him as he thinks of the last time he did stay up all night and how Erina had been present. This time, they aren’t working. No need to sharpen the mind for what’s to come ahead, nothing to do but enjoy this quiet envelope of existence where, for all points that matter, he and Erina are the only people in the room, in Goldkrone, in the world of night.

At least until Heinrich taps him on the shoulder and clears his throat.

Erina untangles herself from Autor’s embrace and goes, “I’ll walk Autor to the door, Father.”

“Okay, but don’t be too long,” he agrees as the two get up from the loveseat.

Respectful good nights said to Heinrich and Blanchefleur, Erina steps outside with Autor and closes the door behind them. That done, she drapes her arms on his shoulders and pulls him in for another hug.

Autor returns the hug without a thought, and suddenly they’re alone again.

“Come by tomorrow when the girls have gone home?” she asks. “I’ll call you.”

“Sure,” he agrees.

He traces his fingers along her jaw, smiling a little at how it seems to match Erina closing her eyes. He leans in, and the kiss is like breathing. Not the urgent gasp for air after breaking the surface of the water but the effortless gentle breath that comes just as softly as it goes.

“Good night, Erina,” he murmurs, and somehow the words don’t break a thing.

Erina smiles at him like the moon through the clouds. “Good night, Autor,” she says, tracing his cheek for a moment before adding, “And don’t forget to wash up.”

Logos and Fakir are at the door just as Autor shows up. Of the three, it’s clear who had the best night. Fakir takes one look at Autor and decides not for the first time that keeping his mouth shut is the better option. A brief nod and the other boy is on his way home.

Logos waves his hand in front of his face for a moment and asks, “Where did you get the smudged mustache? And the Monopoly money?”

“I still have that?” Autor asks in return, patting down the pocket and finding it’s still stuffed full of funny money. “I’ll bring that back to Erina’s tomorrow.”

“Usually when Monopoly gets out of hand, it goes a bit differently,” Logos says. “But at least your relationship with Erinachen doesn’t seem to be in tatters.”

“Quite the contrary: she called me liebling,” he replies, counting the Monopoly money once more for fun. “And she said I look dashing.”

“Okay, now I know you didn’t play Monopoly, not if she meant that,” Logos comments as he ushers Autor inside.

Autor shrugs and goes, “All I did was crash her slumber party.”

Logos makes an, “Ohhhhh,” of understanding as the two head in for the night.

[newyorkmorningcat]

Beautiful Parentheses

The month is going faster than I thought. I sit here, with an extra focus on the back of my mouth, and as soon as I sat down and sensed that and began to type, I felt an urge to cry. The back of the throat feels like a very very sensitive place- an emotional place. I feel vastness there, nervousness there. And it’s funny.

I took a moment to stop and sense my eyeballs and where they are in my head and to sense my head moving up and away - and it immediately calmed me. I was getting a very nervous energy in my chest - coexistent with the feeling that I couldn’t breathe very well - and pausing and noticing where my eyes were, sensing it, and sensing the curve at the top of the head and the top of the head moving up and away - it also made it feel like breath was dropping down into my abdomen, helping me feel like I could breathe for one of the first times today. Not being able to breathe deeply, feeling like I can’t, like I want to but I can’t, always makes me feel nervous.

The coffee is warm, sweet, smooth (not cool. My fingers wanted to add, maybe for the purpose of rhythm, and a general impression that warm isn’t hot, “and cool.” Which immediately contradicts warm. Let’s type it out. "The coffee is warm, sweet, smooth and cool." Okay. Not a bad sentence if you ask me! And it makes me chuckle that I really wanted to write that immediate contradiction. And, it is one of my impressions, though it would be more accurate, though less instinctual, to say "and not hot." Redundant too, considering that meaning already goes along with "warm." Anyway, end of parentheses.)

You know what’s one thing I hate in books? When there’s a typo and parentheses don’t end. It always makes me wonder, is there some rule about parentheses I don’t know? Like with quotation marks, how it seems some authors use the rule that you don’t add concluding quotation marks on a paragraph if the quotation, or the speech, keeps going. Well is there something like that with parentheses? Or is it just a hard t to cross, a hard i to dot? Authors and publishers and editors alike all forget? What of that? Makes me somewhat cheerful, like everyone is human. Also makes me wonder if my fastidiousness about parentheses is somehow a fault. Like, if it doesn’t matter to, oh, let’s say, Tolkien and all his editing crew sometimes, why should it matter to me? I’m focusing on the small stuff. So that ripples through too, a little lace of self recrimination, self doubt, so integral to mental makeup, but as my therapist says, may well be the internalized voice of my detractors.

That made me snort. Today’s a calm day, mostly, I guess, except for this slight impression that I’m breathing into my throat and not deeply. That makes me nervous. That’s okay, being nervous is human, being nervous is fine. Just fine. So why did the sentence about my internalized self-abuse, via my therapist, make me snort? Because it sounded so cool and dispassionate. And it sounded sort of funny, like a character tic, a character who knows from their therapist why they may possibly think the way they think, allow it, and do nothing about it. Just speak it regretfully. It sounded like a joke. But that’s the first step, noticing, noticing. The key to the world seems to be that nothing in our impressions is set in stone, and perspective is all. Like As You Like It (we’ve talked about this before here, haven’t we? Whoever we are? Blog readers? Ah, but I’ve already decided I’m not posting this one on the blog...or did I?) but anyway. Parentheses. And perspective. That certain things we cannot change, let’s say a harsh wind. But certain ways we respond to the harsh wind are more or less painful, more or less paralyzing - that our perspective in some way changes the harsh wind for us. In our bodies. In our minds. In our lives.

One way to respond is to fight the harsh wind. To be annoyed at it, and hate the feeling of being annoyed, and try to block it out, and then have annoyance coming out of the ears as it were. Or to try to deny that the wind itself even exists. Then so much energy is going into denial, meanwhile the wind is freezing your bones. The proverbial, second person, “you.” So what’s another way?

To accept the wind. To accept the feelings that arise from it. Allow them. I’m cold, I’m shivering almost to death. I’m scared now, scared of the cold that can pierce so deep and seem to incise my very bones. I’m scared. Okay, well, keep walking too. Gotta get there. And by seeing the fear, we see - it’s not the end. The idea of freezing to death is an illusion, just an association. You’re wearing some clothes, you’re close to home, allow that this gives you strong feelings and as Neil Young would say - walk on.

Coffee. So sweet and creamy. I’m back to that and I feel tension in my back, and feel a sense of not letting go through the top of my head and now I want to cry. And my face, in response, Pavlovian almost, to the sense of sadness, a kind of emptiness, a sucking in the stomach, scrunched up - like uh oh, I feel sick, better maneuver my mouth towards the toilet. Time to let it out. Or, uh oh, something’s stuck in my throat, time to start hacking. But that face tension is not strictly necessary. I wasn’t crying yet, I had a gust - of cold wind blowing inside me.

Parentheses.

I, like billions of others, or more, used to have the idea, probably said to me by my grandmother or mother or something, that I might be a lizard sunning itself on a rock that fell asleep and had a daydream that it was a creature called “a human” with friends, a life, goals, guilt, therapy, social obligation, everything. And one day the lizard will wake up, and that entire human life will be stuck inside parentheses.

But as a kid my major impression of that philosophical thought was - wow, what an excruciating feeling of draining. Everything so important, suddenly confined to the parentheses of a dream, draining away, like the white and yolk of an egg when the shell is cracked. Suddenly it’s all spilled on the pavement of time, draining through the cracks. And my lizard would be like “OH NO!” to such a degree, almost an anti-orgasm, and then suddenly - nothing.

I always thought then the lizard would go off to find its lizard family. Or lizard girlfriend. The draining away of an entire human life sad only in theory. After that, the lizard would be hungry for flies for breakfast.

End parentheses.

[nakateleeli]

100 questions about Miss Naka

Y’all probably get tired of me talking about her, but I’ve had this post in the back of my head for a while and wanted to answer them because I like talking about Miss Naka and Welgaea and stuff! So hold on for a ride.

Since things change over the course of the story, all questions will be answered as though we’re at the beginning of the first game unless stated otherwise. I did change one question, as the removed question felt redundant and I could have sworn the added question was in there already.

1. What is your OC’s race? Human

2. Does your OC have any powers beyond what is normal for their race? She’s pretty good at a few things, but nothing abnormal for a human. She’s very agile and has strong legs. She’s got a pretty good resistance to cold, too.

3. What is their gender? Female

4. What is your OC’s favorite color? Pink

5. Are they religious? Not very. She does for sure believe in the goddesses, but she’s not the kind to pray to them for salvation or for a bountiful harvest or whatever.

6. Do they have a favorite outfit? If so what? The same red and white outfit she always wears!

7. Do they have a spirit animal? Not really into that sort of thing. Deer, maybe, if she had to. There aren’t really deer in Welgaea. Something with antlers.

8. Does your OC have a favorite time of year? Spring! Everything is pretty and just beginning with the year’s possibilities still ahead of us.

9. How does your OC travel around? By foot or a passenger caravan usually.

10. Does your OC have a best friend? Dis guy once they meet.

11. What is your OC’s biggest secret? She’s not really one to hold onto secrets, but she’s not exactly blatant about herself being a lesbian.

12. How does your OC feel about violence? It’d be swell to avoid, but often times it can’t be avoided.

13. Does your OC have a favorite time of day? Mornings are really nice. When the sun’s just coming up and the world is still sleeping. Very relaxing, lets you get your head straight before tackling the day.

14. Is your OC in a relationship? Not initially, but eventually with her.

15. What does your OC smell like? Probably the wind, or a grassy field, faintly flowery. Maybe a little foresty if she’s been out and about.

16. How old is your OC? 26 years

17. What is your OC’s weaknesses? Physically she’s not very strong. She can be a bit impulsive and will absolutely help people out to a fault.

18. Has your OC ever killed someone? Yes. She avoids it if possible, but sometimes you have to. Mostly just bandits and cultists, which common society doesn’t really treat the murder of much differently than killing a monster.

19. What languages does your OC speak? She speaks common fluently, while speaking bestia, elvish, and abaia good enough to get by, but not well.

20. Can your OC swim? Pretty well, but she’s no olympian.

21. Who is your OC’s biggest hero? Her dad!

22. What social class is your OC from? Lower middle class. She’s had an easy enough time, but they’ve always grown their own food and taken care of themselves.

23. What country was your OC born in? There aren’t really countries in Welgaea, and I haven’t figured out enough about the general geography to place things, but she’s from a pretty average part of common society.

24. How does your OC prefer to have their hair? Twin tails, with the front a stylized messy. She’ll put her hair up in buns if need be though.

25. Is your OC introverted or extroverted? Introverted, but she’s not a recluse.

26. Does your OC enjoy nature? Yes! She spends a lot of time surrounded by it either traveling or exploring.

27. What is your OC’s morning routine? Maybe start by making a warm drink. Or cool if it’s hot out. She’ll put her hair up into her twin tails before actually drinking it and relax for a few. She’ll usually do some reading at this time too. If she has to get dressed she’ll usually do it after this, and regardless will tidy up a little and put a little makeup on. Then make/eat breakfast right afterwards. Other than a bit of relaxing to start she tends to do everything back to back so she can get her day going.

28. Does your OC drink or do drugs? Nope, not at all. Doesn’t see the point for recreational use and she prefers her mind and body in peak condition. She sees performance enhancers as having both bonuses and drawbacks, which remove her from that peak condition, and even if there were zero drawbacks she would still rather rely on her own abilities and not become reliant on something else.

29. What’s your OC’s eye color? Purple, a little brighter than her hair.

30. Does your OC have any extra limbs? Are they missing any? Nope, just the usual.

31. What’s your OC’s sexual orientation? Homosexual/lesbian

32. Does your OC have any scars, moles, etc? Beauty mark under the corner of her right eye.

33. What turns your OC on? A nice person is a must. Someone who makes her feel like they want her is big. Someone who’s very casually open and confident about their body is also a big turn on.

34. Does your OC regret killing anybody? Any time she has to, but there’s nothing that continues to haunt her. Perhaps a botched job at some point that got an innocent killed.

35. Are there any smells your OC really likes? Nothing too strong, but flowers are nice.

36. Are they an honest person? Very much. She’ll only lie if it benefits everyone and isn’t the sort of thing that could come back to bite anybody.

37. What’s your OC’s favorite food? Pastas and meats, mostly.

38. Does your OC like to travel? Absolutely, it’s really all she does if she doesn’t need to do some work for money.

39. What’s the farthest your OC has ever traveled? She’s been all over the world, but has limited experience in the farthest corners.

40. Who is your OC’s favorite family member (if they have any)? Her dad!

41. Does your OC have any siblings? Who? Nope, she’s an only child.

42. What makes your OC angry? Intolerance and generally being a jerk. Active malice. Interruptions, be them verbal or physical, getting worse the more urgent or important the task is that’s being interrupted. She’s not going to go off the wall if it was nothing important anyway.

43. Does your OC have a pet? Nope!

44. Can your OC use magic? Minimally. She can do what’s expected of most people, like recharging a light crystal, but not much more.

45. Does your OC want to use magic? It’d be cool, but she’s not heartbroken about it.

46. Where is your OC’s favorite place to be? Anywhere quiet that’s outdoors. A place she can hear the sounds of nature, like a running stream, but still has a nice expansive view.

47. Has your OC ever destroyed anything sacred? By accident once. She tries not to go back to that town.

48. Would your OC ever use sex to get what they want? Absolutely not.

49. Does your OC care about hygiene? For sure. She doesn’t spend all day on it, but she cleans herself when she wakes up and before going to sleep; and bathes in running water once a day if she’s been out and about, or once every other day if she’s been inactive.

50. Does your OC like to take directions? She likes to figure stuff out on her own but she’s more than happy to take directions if she’s on a time limit or just doesn’t have any idea and the opportunity to ask comes up.

51. How would your OC react to getting lost? Unless she’s on a time limit, no big deal. She’ll camp out and survive for a bit while she works her way back to civilization.

52. What are 3 things your OC always has on them? Her swords and a small bag of holding, though the bag has quite a few items in it. Most importantly are a blanket, some spare change, and a change of underwear.

53. Who is the most important person to your OC? Her dad. Later on likely Ysami.

54. What is your OC’s biggest fear? Death and bugs.

55. How would your OC react to suddenly being told that they are now King/Queen, President, Ruler, etc? She wouldn’t believe them. If they managed to convince her she would take on the roll and its responsibility, helping everybody out as best she could, especially with whatever was lacking without a ruler, but she would try to get someone to replace her as soon as she could.

56. How would your OC react to suddenly having everything materialistic taken away from them? She doesn’t really have a lot to lose, she lives pretty lightly. Her swords would be the only big one. She’d be pretty heartbroken about it, but she’d have to go about making enough money to get another pair made.

57. What does your OC sleep in? She sleeps nude. If sleeping nude is unreasonable she sleeps in only a simple chemise with an unfitted waist. This would be like if she were sleeping at a camp site with others, and each person had their own small tent. If there is no privacy at all she sleeps in her bikini top and fundoshi.

58. What’s your OC’s favorite weapon? Her twin bayonets.

59. How does your OC feel about the government? Given how little government there is everywhere, it’s actually nice having government provided utilities like a police force to settle disputes and for protection, and hazard relief to help put out fires or rebuild. Even just regulations on trade so people can’t rip each other off or pull people into slavery or anything. Living with absolutely nothing to rely on is rough. Some government officials can get corrupt and self-serving though, so be aware.

60. Is your OC able to travel off world? Nope. At present nobody on Welgaea can.

61. How does your OC feel about ships? They’re nice. Be nice if they didn’t get attacked by pirates and monsters so often.

62. Can your OC fly? Funny question, but no.

63. Does your OC have any phobias? Nothing I’d go so far as to list as a phobia.

64. Is there any delicacy your OC hates? She has pretty basic tastes in food, so anything too out there is a turn off.

65. What is your OC’s favorite memory? Muscle posing with her dad.

66. What’s the best way to make your OC happy? Generally being happy yourself. Being around happy people rubs off on her.

67. What’s your OC’s favorite way to relax? Being able to kick back and take in the atmosphere. Even if she were at a party she’d be most relaxed observing to herself and not getting dragged into a conversation or the events.

68. How does your OC feel about being nude? She is very pro nudity. An at-home nudist, if she’s lounging around an inn room all day she’ll be nude for it. She’s very comfortable nude, but she’s not an exhibitionist and has no interest or desire to show off to anybody. In fact she’s rather off-put by the idea of someone oogling her.

69. Is there any trait your OC despises in themselves? In others? Before meeting Ysami she doesn’t really like that she’s a lesbian because of the embarassment that comes with asking people out or revealing feelings for people who aren’t, or end up not being lesbians. While young she was laughed at for it and had nearly sworn off getting into a relationship at all. In others mostly intolerance, especially of sexual preference. Also body shaming and forcing prudishness on others.

70. How far along has technology advanced in your world? Technology is pre-industrial revolution, but supported by magic, which is used for things like lighting and flowing water. Magic technology has advanced fairly far in small pockets, but is reliant on the rarity of advanced mages.

71. Would your OC ever kill a loved one to save the world? She would save both.

72. How does your OC feel about races other than their own? They’re cool.

73. How does your OC feel about their own race? They’re cool.

74. How does your OC feel about religious people? They’re cool, just don’t force your religion on others.

75. Can your OC make a good meal? She’s no professional, but she can cook up a decent meal. She prefers stove-top cooking to oven-based.

76. Can your OC survive in the wild? She does quite often just traveling around.

77. Does your OC prefer the city or the country? Generally the country, but does like visiting the city.

78. Did your OC have any schooling? Did they enjoy it? She was homeschooled by her father, leaving home with the equivalent of an early-highschool education. She enjoys learning and has continued to pursue it.

79. How would your OC feel about being naked in public? She doesn’t go out in public nude but kind of wishes she could, and that casual public nudity were more pervasive. She’s not an exhibitionist after all. She wouldn’t really be embarrassed or anything if someone saw her nude. If she were nude in an inn room and had to answer her door she would likely grab a towel or something to hold in front of her while answering instead of answering completely nude.

80. What are your OC’s feelings regarding sex? That it should be saved for someone you trust with your whole heart and love deeply. If your heart changes later on that’s fine so long as you did at the time.

81. Does your OC play any instruments? Nope, she’s never had any training. String instruments are neat though.

82. Does your OC like music? Sure thing, but she’s no connoisseur. She likes music with energy and a strong melody. Something pop-y. She’d probably like our k-pop and j-pop.

83. Does your OC like art? Sure thing, but she’s no connoisseur. She likes expansive landscapes you can get yourself lost in. She especially likes creative paintings of things you can’t find naturally. The fiction of the painting world, whatever that’s called. She appreciates other mediums, like sculptures, and has seen some neat stuff made, but doesn’t understand it as well.

84. Has your OC ever had a painting or photograph taken of them? She’s modeled a few times for the work. Generally not anything too big or professional, usually just for an art class or something. Though she’s modeled a good few times she’s only modeled nude once or twice for very specific situations. Like once was for a single female sculptor.

85. What is your OC’s favorite thing to talk about? Usually whatever she’s learned about most recently, since when she has down time she’ll read reference books and studies.

86. Has your OC ever made clothes? She makes her own, and has had to several times.

87. What’s the best piece of advice your OC was ever given? “Have fun!” -Her father.

88. Does your OC want to fall in love? Absolutely! Though she was scared it might be a pipe dream.

89. What does your OC want to do with their life? See everything. Learn everything.

90. Does your OC believe in ghosts? She’s been to enough spooked places she doesn’t have to believe any more. In a setting closer to Earth she’d likely not believe in them, but would be willing to entertain the idea if someone could get her actual proof.

91. Does your OC wear any jewelry? Not really, though she’ll occasionally wear earrings.

92. How will your OC die? This is a complicated question. I don’t know. Possibly a spoiler?

93. Does your OC believe in an afterlife? She’s not really sure. Even Kharon has been a bit ambiguous about what happens.

94. What is your OC’s favorite part about being alive? Seeing and learning something every day that shows the world is more complex than we ever expected.

95. Does your OC fear death? Terrified. She tries not to think about it.

96. Does/Will your OC ever have children? I’ve dabbled with the idea of her having a child, but I feel like not. Too complicated.

97. How does your OC feel about traitors? She’s a pretty good judge of character, so I feel like unless they were intentionally duping her from the start they’d have a hard time getting the upper hand on her. Otherwise she’d mostly want to know why. She wouldn’t want them dead, depending on what they did anyway, but she would have a very hard time trusting them again. She likely would eventually trust them again, but never completely.

98. What’s the craziest thing your OC has ever done? She’s helpful to a fault and will put herself at great risk without a second thought if someone needs the help. At some point I would not doubt she’s rushed into a burning building to save someone, or distracted an unreasonably powerful monster so someone else could get away. I’m hard-pressed to say these would be the craziest things she’s done because this is the sort of thing she’d probably do quite often. Though there is that one time she beat up the elf princess without even turning around.

99. How does your OC feel about killing animals? Avoids if possible, but sometimes you need to hunt to survive, and meat is tasty. Don’t be wasteful, be merciful, only do as necessary.

100. What is your OC’s name? Miss Naka “the Honeywhite” Teleeli

[defiledtomb]

Antivan Carneval

For Zevwarden week day 3: How would they react to seeing each other in fancy disguises?

This is part of my Rio de Janeiro Carneval AU, THANK YOU SO MUCH  for all the wonderful souls that told me to just write this out. And so- I did. The carneval in Rio meets Antiva, and a dirty, dancing Zevran. Hope you enjoy!

They arrived in Antiva, Zevran constantly bouncing on the tip of his toes; babbling about how magnificent this event was, dragging her from shop to shop to have her try massive pieces with fanned feathers in the most magnificent colours, there was so much material and the costumes were so heavy yet they didn’t cover an inch of her body; her skin was presented in skimpy leather strings bedazzled in what must have been atleast a million jewels.

“What do you think?” Galain chewed on her lip. She looked up only to discover Zevran, covering his eyes.

“Zevran?”

He came closer, whispering to her as he ran a finger along her waist.

“Querida,” he swallowed, “I fear, if I see you in clothing like this now I will not know what to do with myself. In a place like this,” He gestured to the small confines of the changing room, “It would be… Unfortunate. And not at all how romantic as I want it to be.”

She barely managed to whimper, weakened fatally by the husky tone in his voice.

She hurried back into the changingroom, collecting the pieces she deemed comfortable enough to dance in, yet beautiful and eyecaching; a set of golden lingerie absolutely smothered in dangling jewelry, and hurried to the cashier. When the deal was done, he took her to a salon and they practiced dancing inbetween bouts of sweaty and intence lovemaking, blushing and giggling from happiness.

The day of the carnival had arrived, and she woke up to find the bed empty.

She went to grab her daggers just as Zevran burst through the door, smiling from ear to ear.

“Mi amor!” He walked up to the bed as he balanced a small tray in one hand and a flask in the other, he kissed her on the lips as he placed the items down beside the bed.

He proceeded to sprinkle salt in the dip of his collarbone and told her to lick it off.

He silently moaned her name before he placed a shot of some clear, fruity liquid in her hand. As soon as she swallowed, and her whole body tingled, Zevran brought a slice of lime to her lips and told her to bite down. She did what she was told, excitement bubbling in her veins.

“Good, no?” His eyes sparkled.

She couldn’t resist falling for him all over again, his enthusiasm shining a new light on the world. Antiva was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined, in crowded salons like the one he brought her to the day before, with people shouting and dancing and more than a dozen playing both drums or guitar in a hefty tempo, or in their bedroom, the scent of a hundred different flowers mingling in the breeze that came through the open window.

It was mezmerizing, enchanting; almost magical.

“Good,” she agreed. “But it’s barely even morning!”

“It can be excused as late night drinking then, yes?” He poured another shot for her with a devious wink. “Now, bonita, put your costume on.”

She laughed as he left the room, trying to recall any other moment where she had ever been this happy, drinking the moment in as she opened the windows wide. It felt like a fairytale.

Chasing the shot down with another slice of lime, she climbed out of bed and into her costume. When she applied her makeup, a winged eyeliner laced with gold and placed feathers at the end of her lashes; she saw herself one too many times in the mirror and started to critically survey every one of the scars that covered her body.

She sunk to the chair, flask in her hand and close to tears.

There was no way she would leave this house, wearing this.

“Señorita?” It knocked on the door. “Your bethroded asked for me to get you.”

Her heart fluttered, hearing that. She was flooded with memories of Zevran reverntly kissing every one of her scars, saying they only added to her beauty, to her persona; that he wouldn’t tolerate a version of her without them. But, ofcourse, that if he could remove the people that caused the scars, he would. But the scars she already carried, the testament to her story; they were beautiful, just as she.

With that, and a deep breath, she left the room. She took a hesitant step down the stairs, seing the the top of Zevran’s head as his back was turned to her, caught in a conversation with the barkeep, his head falling back in laughter as he gestured wildly with his arms, some of his drink spilling over from the glass he held.

She cleared her throat, a bit indignantly, wanting Zevrans undivided attention to soothe the storm of insecurity she had just put herself through.

As he turned, she gasped, finally noticing that he was barechested, his swirling tattoos lined with a golden paint and his eyes painted seductively with kohl.

A shattering off Zevrans glass as it slid out of his limp hand, in a now completely silent tavern brought her to reality and she met Zevrans eyes as his mouth fell open, giggling a bit at the people around him, patting him on the back as he stood frozen.

She walked the final steps down, swaying her hips a bit extra as she walked up to Zevran to close his mouth with a gentle press of her finger. She leaned close, inhaling the heady musk of his perfume.

“Do I look like the minx you always call me?” She whispered, feeling the eyes of all the patrons burning holes through her already miniscule costume.

“I..” Zevran stammered, “I…” He stepped back to survey the curves of her body; bronze skin covered in strips of jewelery, the swell of her breast covered in a oil mixed with tiny golden petals.

“I have never been speechless from the sight of a beautiful woman. But I fear,” he licked his lips, “we need to leave, right now. Or I’ll..”

He took her hand and guided her out of the tavern without even finishing his sentence.

Once they stepped out of the door, it was a blur of colours and sounds; the drums that could be heard even inside the tavern were now so loud, bouncing between every bloodcell in her veins. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Zevrans hand steady in hers as they ran through alleyways weaving through groups of people all cheering and dancing; except for the occasional old man who tipped their hats for them.

Once they reached the main street, glittering confetti blowing through the wind, the music was overpowering and the sight almost too much to take in; a pure celebration of dance and joy, loud and everywhere.

Zevran stepped closer to glue himself behind her, licking the contour of her ear.

“Now, we dance.”

He nearly shouted, although she heard it as a whisper, sending shivers down her spine as her body began to move.

Every fast step he guided her through, his hands planted firmly on her hips, felt awkward and clumsy even though she caught on to the beat of the drums fairly quickly.

She could barely feel his breath on her neck as it mingled with every other impression; the excitement pulsating in her veins and the smiles of the people all around her.

When he shouted let go with a free laughter, she relaxed and followed the rythm of the music; feeling Zevrans heat as he circled her around him.

It was crazy, beautiful, moving and fast; catching Zevrans eyes as her confidence grew and the sway of her hips emboldened.

He danced behind her again, the stiffness of his erection rubbing against her naked rump; she locked her hands behind his neck and pressed herself closer, moaning out loud as no one could hear her.

His hips bucked to the rythm, hands travelling over her slickened torso as he nipped the skin of her throat.

She turned around to face him, his eyes glowing amber as she twined her hands in his hair, gasping shamelessly as he pinched her ass, she turned around again to nestle his erection in the valley between her cheeks.

They danced like this for hours, chasing pleasure with elaborate movements, and although words were redundant, the story was worth to tell for centuries.

[illyriantremors]

Beneath the Stars Chapter 5

Chapter: I II III IV

AO3 Linkage

Summary: Rhysand shows up unexpectedly to help Feyre's family move, bringing Cassian and Azriel with him. Sparks fly between Nesta and the rest of the family as the new house isn't what any of them were expecting, but Rhys has a way of keeping Feyre from completely breaking down throughout the day. [Almost exactly the same as the “Moving Day” fic I posted over summer, though there are some small changes. Sorry for the redundancy!]

Chapter 5

I awoke to a heavy slam! of the front door downstairs. My eyes flew open at the same time my hand groped for the clock on my nightstand, one of the few remaining items I had yet to pack.

6:39am

My eyes sank shut with a silent growl as my chest deflated. Voices several decibels too high for such an ungodly hour reached me from the living room.

Where does it look like I’m going?

Nesta, my brain registered, cataloging the new shade of anger she had somehow managed to find apart from her usual storm. My eldest sister was always angry, like the Hulk in hipster form.

Half your room is still a mess, my dad shouted back. We’re moving today, if you hadn’t noticed! Elain and Feyre’s things are already on the truck.

They’re my things. What do you give a shit what I do with them?

Nesta-

Just don’t, okay? Save it.

I will not save it! You’re free to do whatever the “shit” you want with your things, as you so beautifully put it. No doubt you get the language from that stupid writing degree you have, but whatever you do with your own room, we could have used you last night with the rest of this nightmare. A pause. You aren’t the only one with “shit” to take care of you know!

His voice rose on the last few words as Nesta’s footsteps sounded on the stairs, approaching.

I’ll give a shit about your shit when you decide being a family again is worth caring about!

My heart sped up as her footsteps reached my door and paused. I prayed silently she would leave me alone at least until I’d had a chance to properly wake up. Her own bedroom door slammed and I heard general clutter being shuffled about before the distinct sound of tape was pulled for boxes.

I breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over onto my back, willing my body to wake up.

The ceiling above me was still the crisp, clean white I’d stared at all yesterday afternoon. Empty. Just like the rest of my room.

Every single item I’d ever decided was worth keeping now sat in less than a dozen boxes in a huge Uhaul moving van parked out front. I had so much useless junk to pack, but in the end, I threw most of it away. I felt guilty at the thought of taking it all with us to the new house where we’d have less space. The entire point of moving was to downsize since dad couldn’t afford the monstrosity of a house we’d grown up in anymore without mom. It felt cruel to make him take all of that extra baggage with him to the new home, even if it wasn’t his extra baggage to deal with.

So I had stuffed most of my room into those hideous black bags that never hold their weight like they claim and dumped it into the trash cans out front along with the rest of my doubts over moving.

I had no choice. This was a thing. It was happening. I could accept it with all of the consequences that came with it and move on, or stay behind and try not to drown. I was choosing the former, but somehow I still felt like I was drowning.

Dad’s shout had been loud and angry, the same as when he would fight with mom. I wondered if he had already opened the liquor cabinet.

A light knock tapped on my door. My stomach twisted into knots immediately at the anxiety of it being Nesta, but Elain’s fairy voice put me at ease.

“Feyre?” she said, the door creaking open. I sat up to find her walking toward me, a small tea cup perched in her hand with steam hissing out the top. She smiled as she handed it to me before sitting next to me on the bed. I closed my eyes as the steam kissed my lips before taking a sip.

Chamomile and honey. My favorite.

“Morning, sleepy head,” my second eldest sister said. “I thought you could use a proper wake up after…”

“After Nesta?” I said. Elain shrugged with half an eye roll. I closed my eyes knowingly and took another sip. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Elain smiled, courtesy oozing out of her like an annoyingly delightful old Hollywood film you know should bore the snot out of your 21st century movie filter, but that you can’t help be inspired by. She was staring at me apologetically and I couldn’t help but compare my two sisters.

Unlike Nesta, Elain still came around occasionally, pretended we were still a family even if she was critical of dad’s drinking, something I couldn’t really fault her for even though heaven knew I tried.

I missed when we were kids. They were both a lot older than me and had always been closer to each other than to me, but I could remember us getting along while I was still small.

Now, they felt like strangers more and more to me every day that I didn’t see them. At least Elain had come home when dad asked to help with the house. Sure she’d gotten her skirts dirty, but today she’d had enough foresight to put on some athletic wear. I tried not to notice the Burberry tags sticking off of it.

“Pop downstairs when you’re ready, mmkay?” she said. “We need to get going by 8am sharp if we want to beat moving in the heat!” She bounced up and glided to the door, her hair swishing in a perfect ponytail behind her. She had slipped out the door for half a second before her head darted back in and I saw all of her pearly whites gleam at me. “And I’ve got pancakes!”

And then she was gone again.

It was comforting to know that if Nesta was going to come round today with her usual fire, Elain would be here with her beautiful, happy calm. I needed to stop judging her so harshly when she was so pleasant with me.

I stood up, stretching in my yoga pants and tank. I didn’t bother leaving out a change of clothes or makeup since it would be ruined after a sweaty hour of traipsing up and down stairs. My lone oversized sweater, the one covered in paint stains from evenings spent painting, was all I kept out, figuring it was good for a fight. Maybe it would even bring me luck today. I shrugged it on savoring the smell of the dried paint and the way it knew my soul so well.

Glancing at the clock, I scooped up Elain’s tea and allowed myself the last lazy stare out of my bedroom window I’d refused last night. It was the last time I’d ever see this view. The sunlight filtering through the panes of glass looked stale. I probably should have been sad, but there was some relief in leaving. Maybe the prospect of a fresh beginning in a real neighborhood would make being a family more real.

But my naive morning zen was cut short when I looked out my second story window and saw not the oversized manor across the street, but Rhysand strutting up my driveway with two hulking figures behind him. Tea spat out of my mouth in a spray on the window as the cup toppled on the bed.

I bolted downstairs flying for the door, anxiety crippling my stomach as a million questions flew at once.

What the hell is he doing here! Oh my gosh, I didn’t invite him. I told him I didn’t need help! Why did you have to word vomit on him like that last night, Feyre, you idiot. Now he’s going to think you’re a complete basketcase and he’ll never talk to you again. Wait - why do you even care if he talks to you again??

I reached the door and pulled on the handle, but not before the ring of the doorbell shattered through the house.

Shit.

Rhys’s eyebrows rose as he took in my flushed appearance standing at the door. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra beneath my sweater - thank goodness it was oversized - or that I hadn’t yet brushed my teeth. The corners of his lips threatened to turn up in that infuriating smile he made a habit of flashing me, the one that always seemed permanently plastered over his beautiful face.

I quickly stepped outside, forcing Rhys and his friends to jump back in surprise before I shut the door behind me. Crossing my arms, I stared him down.

“What are you doing here?” I spat in a low voice. “And how did you get my address?”

I was going to murder Amren.

Rhys chuckled. “Is there a reason we’re whispering?” he asked. “Are you scared of your family finding us? Or do you have a house ghost? Please tell me it’s not haunted. I’m not sure I’m prepared for protective snuggling this early in the morning.”

I gaped open mouthed at him before darting forward. “Very funny,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Who knew the High Lord of the Student Body Council would be afraid of ghosts.”

“Oh it’s not me,” Rhys replied, hands up cooly in defense. “It’s Cassian.” His head flitted over his right shoulder in the direction of the most chiseled, hulking boy, man - man-boy? - I’d ever seen grace the body of a teenager. Assuming he was a teenager. He had to be if he was hanging out with Rhys, but hot damn, the idea of that monstrosity lurking around campus was almost scary. If it weren’t for the shoulder length hair I imagined was just long enough to tie up, he would have looked way too old for high school.

How had I never spotted him before? The man was a beast.

Rhys leaned in and held a hand up to my ear. I had to resist the urge to back away as he spoke. “Poor kid still can’t get through Casper the Friendly Ghost without crying.”

Cassian shoved Rhys roughly, but Rhys laughed it off uproariously right as the door opened behind me. I froze as I heard my dad’s voice. The boys straightened up at once.

“Feyre?” my dad asked tentatively, eyeing Rhysand warily and very clearly looking around for what should have been Tamlin’s blonde facade. “What’s going on? Who are these-”

“Rhysand, sir,” Rhys said, reaching around me to hold out his hand, no trace of fear whatsoever. My father took it with a look on his face as if he were being asked to hold a viper. “And these are my brothers, Cassian and Azriel.”

My eyes darted briefly to the boy on Rhys’ left, the one he’d named Azriel. He was muscled, but not nearly as much as Cassian, though not as lean as Rhysand either. Somewhere in the middle. But though he had build to him, he looked like a shadow that might float away at the slightest touch. His eyes felt hollow as he took me in and I wondered where the color had gone in them. He hadn’t said anything or so much as moved since I’d stepped out on the porch and he didn’t look as though he intended to change that anytime soon.

And his hands. They were scarred terribly. Even standing behind Rhys in the shadow of our porch, I noticed them. I shivered imagining what could have done something so gruesome. His eyes met mine, catching me staring and immediately our gaze bounced away, the wrong ends of two magnets meeting.

“Brothers?” I asked looking for a distraction. Rhys merely darted his eyebrows up once in reply.

“We heard you could use a hand - or six - moving that truck around today, sir,” Rhys said. At the offer of help, my dad’s entire demeanor changed.

“Oh that’d be great!” my dad said, joining me a step closer, his arm going around my shoulder. He looked so genuinely pleased for me. “You didn’t tell me you had friends coming to help. Good for you, kiddo! Your old man appreciates it.”

The momentary smile so rarely seen on my dad’s face felt like a gift from the gods who must have known I’d been struggling. I sensed a warmth coming from Rhys half a step away and was about to turn and give my thanks, all of my earlier hesitancy about his arrival gone, when a sharp voice snapped from behind my dad.

“That’s because Feyre doesn’t have friends, dad,” Nesta said with that razor of a tongue. Elain stood next to her, a look of worry flickering in her soft grey eyes. My own anxiety returned in full force.

Nesta was wearing a baggy pair of grey cargo pants with a tight fitting crop top that was an equally depressing shade of grey, but I suppose Nesta would have said it was trendy. It showed off her generous curves, particularly the full bust her bra failed to strap down properly, though it wasn’t without taste. Long ash blonde locks similar to my own flowed in waves on either side even as she tucked one length behind her ear to reveal a small patch of hair she’d buzzed short. Dark ruby red lipstick the color of dried blood stained her lips.

I had expected nothing less.

“And who the hell are you, dollface?” Cassian said, eyes widening while a huge grin of interest set off on his face. Nesta’s expression soured even more as she looked at Rhysand’s hellhound before her nose sort of pinched together and she ignored Cassian outright. Cassian chuckled a bit incredulous at the gesture, crossing his arms with sway - a lion preparing for a fight.

“You wanted me to help,” Nesta spat at my dad. “So why are we all standing around out here like a bunch of apes while Feyre pretends to have a life? My shit’s all packed up,” and she pointed behind her to the first of what I was sure would be many boxes to come that she’d brought down. “I’d like to move it into the truck now, unless you’ve decided this family’s actually worth saving and we’re staying?”

I closed my eyes and held my breathe, tension roiling in my gut. With my back turned on him, I was glad Rhys couldn’t see my face where I was sure embarrassment would read in the redness settling in on my cheeks. I had told him we were moving and my parents had split - but he didn’t know the circumstances of how or why and Nesta was riding dangerously close to that line.

“Oh-ho,” Cassian said and he sounded… delighted? “Allow me, dollface.”

He moved forward and Nesta couldn’t help but to stand back and let him by with that huge frame of his looming at her, but she still managed a snarl at him. She was at least a good foot shorter than him. “Don’t call me dollface, shithead,” she said and she sounded furious.

“Nesta Archeron!” my father said and already, my family was shouting at each other again.

“What would you prefer I call you?” Cassian retorted. “If I went with something more honest, I fear we’d enter into a battle of wits and I get the sense you don’t like losing very much.”

My jaw dropped at the same time Nesta’s did, right before her eyes narrowed. Cassian had grabbed two of Nesta’s boxes and was back out the door before she could say another word. I’d never seen her speechless before or called out on her bitchery right to her face. My dad had practically stopped breathing.

“Coffee,” I said to him firmly, grabbing him by the shoulders and willing him to go away. “For the boys? The boys who are so graciously helping us move for free today?”

He took a deep breathe while closing his eyes for a moment before nodding. “Coffee,” he agreed and trudged off to the kitchen I knew was mercifully on the other side of the house.

Nesta was watching Cassian in the distance with a venomous stare that could have murdered him if he wasn’t careful. When he had set the second box down, that stare turned on me.

“He doesn’t touch any more of my stuff. Not a single damn-”

“I know!” I hollered, trying not to join the frenzy of raised voices in this house. “I won’t let him touch any of your precious bloody books. Just go get your junk and move already, okay?”

Nesta scowled, but spun on her heel with a click and disappeared to the bowels of her room upstairs. Elain followed.

When I went back to the boys on my porch, Rhys had tucked his hands into his pockets while a  small, sweet smile played out on his face. “Your family’s positively delightful, Feyre,” he said as if he meant it. As if we were anything but a delight. I still didn’t understand what he was really doing here. “But you’ll have to excuse me if I do say you’re the clear standout among them by a very long mile.”

For the first time, Azriel moved, a short sigh of exasperation escaping him. It was almost imperceptible. Rhys’ eyes danced as he stared into me daring me to laugh. If Tamlin hadn’t canceled on me today, I knew he would have run in the opposite direction the second Nesta appeared at the door ready for a fight. They never got along.

And here was Rhys flirting with me over her.

But the laugh faltered on my lips and with it went Rhysand’s smile. I shook the comparison away, surprised I’d even made it. There was no Rhysand in my life so there was nothing to really compare.

“Let’s just get started, hmm?” I said. “Before I figure out what you three are really up to and I kick you all out on your sorry asses.”

“Oh I like her already, Rhys,” Cassian said walking back to us.

Rhys’ smile returned and he laid a hand out before me to gesture us inside, far too much bravado dripping from his voice. “After you, milady.”

A knight in shining armor after all.

“So what’s the deal with your sister?”

I groaned internally, wishing Cassian hadn’t just asked me that question.

I spent the good part of an hour trying to keep everyone apart while we loaded the last remnants of my old life onto that truck. It wasn’t easy, but somehow I’d managed. Thankfully, it hadn’t taken long.

Nesta dragged behind the longest of all, but by that point I was already sitting in the front seat of Rhys’ car while Cassian and Azriel popped in the back and we shot off.

My stomach growled loudly as Rhys put the car in gear. Whether he heard it or not, he didn’t say, but he did reach into the back seat and pull out the distinctly pink cardboard box that could only house one thing: donuts.

“Thank you,” I said, reaching in for a sugar twist, my absolute favorite. He watched me lick the excess sugar from my fingers with a bit of a haze on his face that I had to remind him he was meant to be driving. He smirked before his head faced forward and concentration became his mask.

I couldn’t help but to study him. That smirk had saved me more than once already this morning. Between Nesta and Cassian nearly crossing paths at every second, my dad rubbing a frustrated hand over his neck when one of mom’s vases dropped, Elain twirling around pretending to be useful when really she was just pretty, Rhys anchored me back to earth with the promise of better on his lips every time.

And now I was sitting in a car with less than a foot separating us while Cassian shoved a devil’s food in his mouth and inquired about my sister. “Like, is she single?” he asked between bites. I snorted.

“Nesta is nearly ten years older than you,” I said leaning around the front seat to look at him. “Ten.”

Cassian shrugged. “I like an older woman.” I scowled and leaned away as he finished chewing, the chocolate glaze smacking against his lips. “Seriously, what’s her deal?”

Rhys kept his eyes on the road like I’d asked, but I could feel his attention on me. I sighed.

“Nesta is, like I said, ten years older than me, which makes her way too old for you, Cassian, so don’t get any ideas. I don’t care what you think you want in a woman. She goes to school in LA where she’s studying Comparative Literature with concentrations in Russian lit and Slavic Languages.”

A tisk from the back seat interrupted me. Azriel. When I looked at Rhys, amusement was flickering on his face before he risked a quick glance at me and cut it short.

Okay…

“She and Elain were only a year apart. I didn’t come along until much later and by that point, I was just a nuisance and a distraction for my parents from giving them the attention they were used to. My parents split over summer and that seems to have been the final nail in the coffin. She’s had a stick up her ass ever since.

“So you see,” I said, leaning back around the seat to look at Cassian again, “you don’t want to bother yourself with her. Nesta is Nesta and nothing and no one has ever - or will ever - change that, including you. I don’t care if your bulky jock brain says otherwise.”

Cassian chuckled. “I’ll try to take that as a compliment.” If he wasn’t a jock, he didn’t care to deny it. He tipped his head back against the leather headrest of the seat seemingly amused and asked, “So where’s the Tool? Isn’t he supposed to be here today?”

I mouthed the word Tool before I realized who Cassian was referring to. My eyes went wide with shock. “Cassian,” Rhys hissed, glaring at him in the rear view mirror.

“You said you guys were brothers?” I shot at Rhys, wondering where in the hell Cassian had come from with his one-thousand interrogation questions and if Azriel would ever say anything to me at all.

“Not by blood, but as good as,” Rhys explained, his voice tight at the sudden mood swings of conversation. “Where are we going exactly?” I gave him clarifying directions and when we’d situated ourselves on a long stretch of the route that would take us nearly to the house, he continued. “I’ve known these pricks since I was a kid. Cass and I met in little league-”

“You were in little league?” I choked. Rhys waved me off proudly with his hand.

“Yes I was,” he said. “And I had baseball’s finest ass while I played, worthy of the big leagues.”

“That has got to be the vainest comment I have ever heard for a - what? Nine-year-old to be so self-aware of their own rear.”

Rhys leaned his head toward me and was completely serious as he said, “You would have drooled over my nine-year-old rear, Feyre.”

I narrowed my glare, aware of the twitch at my lips threatening to break free and tried not to imagine how his now 18-year-old rear might compare. His gaze danced all over my face and I sensed the cocky prick knew what I was thinking. “Eyes,” I warned and he promptly returned to driving, but not without a very smug look on his face.

“Azriel didn’t come along until middle school. He moved in across the street from me and well…” Silence dragged for a moment before I heard Azriel shift in his seat and that was the end of that conversation. I didn’t ask questions. “We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.”

Things were quiet again in the car and I was grateful just to sink into the drive even if I could feel Rhys’ thoughts on me the entire trip, sticking to my skin like glue. But every time I looked at him, the way his hands would tighten on the steering wheel like he wanted to hide them somewhere or how he’d lick his lips with the briefest of exhales as if he’d had trouble breathing, I realized he was nervous.

Rhysand, the confident boy who led student council meetings at school with the principal and administration heads, who walked up to my father and extended his hand the way he would meet the President of the United States and had prepared for it his entire life, was nervous sitting next to me.

“So about the Tool,” Cassian said out of nowhere. I whipped around, feeling suddenly very defensive despite my boyfriend’s failure to appear this morning outside my front door, much like… well much like Rhys had.

“Tamlin is not a tool!” I shouted.

“And yet, you knew exactly to whom I was referring.” Cassian’s arrogance mocked me with every word and I felt as if I could reach back and slap him, muscles and all.

“Cassian!” Rhys barked, nearly slamming on the breaks. I thought he might pull the car over, but he didn’t. “That’s enough.” And somehow, it really was. Cassian didn’t press the issue after that, understanding his captain’s orders, but he still couldn’t get his mind off my sister.

“Do you really think she wouldn’t go out with me?” he asked. I concentrated very hard on not rolling my eyes at him.

“No!” I protested.

“I bet she would. I bet by the end of the day, I can get her phone number.”

“Twenty bucks,” said a deep, velvet voice I wasn’t expecting, so much so that I jumped in my seat and embarrassingly looked at Azriel as if he were the ghost haunting my old house.

Cassian reached his arm out immediately and shook Az’s hand. “Deal.”

I was about to butt in to say they would do no such thing, that he was asking for it and it would be his funeral, but the car slowed to a halt as Rhys put it in park and I realized we’d arrived. At my new home.

A weight sank into my gut, my attention pulled back to the view of my dad jumping out of the truck already in the driveway, my sisters staring forlornly at the much smaller dwelling than they were used to. It wasn’t even a modern track home - a real horror for the pair of ‘em. I could see the ivy curling around the brickwork of the front facade. It had character, could even be considered charming if you didn’t mind that it was an older home, which I certainly didn’t.

Cassian and Azriel got out straight away to start unloading, but I was glued to my seat, my hands braced on the leather of the armrest.

“It’s okay, you know,” Rhys said, his voice quiet. I felt his fingers brush against my hand, not trying to pry, only to reassure. I wondered foolishly what it might feel like if he took it. I couldn’t remember the last time Tamlin and I had simply held hands and I missed it.

Why wasn’t he here?

“They hate it,” I said.

“Your sisters?”

I nodded, staring hard out the window at my broken family. And then it was all flooding out of me and I couldn’t stop it if I had wanted to. “They hate the move so much, the idea that we might be poor by horrifically shallow standards that they’re going to make my dad’s life a living hell because of it. Never mind that he already co-signed on their student loans and sends them money for the deposit on their apartment leases. Never mind that mom’s the one who left and took the bulk of the family’s income with her.”

“Elain’s in school too?”

“She’s in a PhD program like Nesta. Botany. You wouldn’t think it looking at all that polished lip gloss and mascara, but my sister’s quite the brainiac. They both are.” I sighed, blowing hot air through my lips as my gaze fell into a mess at my lap. “And college degrees are expensive.”

“Hey,” Rhys said, his fingers finding my chin and tilting my face until I was forced to look at him. “You want to get out of here? Just say the word, and we’re gone.”

And I could tell he meant it. All I would have to do was nod and he’d turn the keys and take off. His eyes pierced me with the intensity of his words. I was starting to wonder if I’d ever escape the violet depths of them.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him, contemplating when the last time was anyone had asked what I wanted.

Voices shouted outside the car and my eyelids slammed shut. Rhys’ fingers dropped from my chin. “I have to go,” I said and bolted from the car before he could stop me.

“What do you mean there are only three bedrooms?” Nesta was hollering at my dad. I prayed the new neighbors weren’t around to hear it.

“Nesta, please,” my dad begged, begged at my sister, his voice suddenly low and raw, as if he were bleeding in front of her. “It’s all I could afford,” he whispered. Cassian and Azriel were already unloading the truck, pretending like they couldn’t hear but I knew they could. I wanted to rip my skin apart until the muscle underneath was exposed and then I would rip that apart too until I was bone and blood and dust. I’d never felt so mortified - and by my own family.

Our miseries were private, hidden away for no one to see. What would they say if they knew the reality?

My dad spotted me and his face crumpled, trying to look optimistic and failing miserably.

“Feyre!” he said before coming closer. “There’s only two rooms, but-”

“It’s okay,” I said, feeling my throat clench up. “Elain and I can share, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Over my dad’s shoulder, I heard Elain yelp in surprise.

“That’s very considerate of you, Feyre, but there is another option if you want it. The attic…”

I took a deep breathe. Of course. Because Heaven forbid Nesta or Elain draw the short stick for once. Silently, I nodded my acceptance. My dad kissed my forehead with a whispered, “Thank you,” and went to help the boys on the truck. I turned around and smacked straight into Rhys’ chest. I hadn’t realized he was standing so close.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, just like he’d asked on the phone last night.

How can I help?

His arms found my shoulders, steadying me with his grip. And suddenly, I realized the gravity of the moment. The wrongness of it without Tamlin. He should have been the one standing there keeping me grounded while my family fell apart. Not this guy I barely knew, but who seemed willing to let the rest of the world burn if it meant he could make sure I was okay.

“Just help us unload, please,” I said, hating the way the words sounded on my tongue. I strode away as quickly as I could before the tears could start falling, grabbed a box at random, and rushed inside. I was lucky enough to grab one with my name on it, so I made straight for the attic.

Rhys appeared in the doorway a heartbeat behind me, setting a box of his own down. Thank goodness there was a stairway and not some rickety old drop down ladder I’d have to climb. He put his hands in his pockets and stared thoughtfully at me, giving me space to decide where this went from here.

“At least there’s a window,” I said, pointing above where a sizeable skylight was carved into the ceiling.

“Perfect for stargazing while you fall asleep,” Rhys said and brought himself to lay down directly underneath the opening. He put one arm behind his head for it to rest against and stared into crisp, blue sky above. He didn’t mention what had just happened and I was grateful. I found myself slipping down to lay next to him.

“Cassian realizes what he’s doing, right?” I asked. “About Nesta, I mean.”

Rhys chuckled. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “Cassian’s a shameless flirt with everyone.”

“Yeah, well, Nesta doesn’t do shameless flirting. She’ll eat him alive.”

“And you?”

“Pft!” I scoffed. “Trust me, I have no desire to eat anything out of Cassian.”

The snort that rippled out of Rhys was infectious, his entire body radiated with it. “I meant about the flirting,” he clarified and I could feel his head roll towards me. I found those near-violet eyes staring endlessly at me again and before I knew what I was doing, my eyes were looking him up and down, drinking the sight of him in. I pinched a spot on his stomach through his shirt and was met with hard muscle.

“Mmm, skinny,” I evaluated. “But I think I could find something to munch on.”

There was a certain daring to my tone that I wasn’t familiar with. The corners of Rhysand’s lips pulled up in surprise and my face flushed. Had he not expected me to answer?

And then it hit me all over again, the wrongness of the moment. Not even a full minute and I’d already forgotten how I’d felt smacking into him outside wishing it was someone else. What the hell was I doing?

And why did it feel like the only right thing going on in my life?

I sat bolt upright removing my hand quickly from his stomach and blurted, “I have a boyfriend,” cringing on the awkwardness of revealing a truth he was already well aware of.

“So?” he asked simply.

“So? So? So… this can’t be a thing.”

Rhys sat up beside me. “This? Feyre, what exactly do you think I’m doing here?”

“I don’t know, I just…” My shoulders fell and I collapsed inward on myself, finding it hard to think. “You show up here to help me move as if you’d known my family all your life making it very plain you’re aware of the fact that Tamlin’s not here when he should be-”

“In my defense, that was Cassian who pointed that out.”

“Still. And Cassian’s not the only one who can be a shameless flirt. You’re pretty good at it too.” I nudged him with my shoulder and he raised his brows in conceit. “So why come?”

He hesitated for half a second before plunging in. “Because when I saw you at Lucien’s party, you looked sad. More than sad, even. And when I told you about the dance, there was a spark in your eyes that I wanted to see again. But then I called you on the wrong day at the wrong time and you said Tamlin was ditching you when you needed him most even though you tried to make it sound like that’s not what he’s doing, but we both knew it was a lie. And I just didn’t want you to be alone today.”

He shrugged, as if he hadn’t just dropped a grenade onto my lap and pulled the pin.

“Is that so terrible?”

And when I thought about it, I realized it wasn’t. It was actually… kind of nice.

“So then… you’re not trying to put the moves on me?”

“I never said I wouldn’t like to, Feyre, darling,” he teased, but it was nothing more than that. Teasing. “But no, I’m not here to put ‘the moves’ on you. I just thought you could use an ally. It didn’t seem you had one.”

“Is it that obvious?” I said, my voice terribly low.

He nudged me back taking care to ensure the contact was broken completely when the motion had finished. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling alone sometimes, Feyre. The trick is learning how to understand when you’re not and making those moments last. And I do apologize - sincerely - if I’ve, ahem, overstepped.”

When I looked up, his eyes were watching me again full of that same soft expression that had gotten me through the morning thus far. An ally. I could get used to that, I thought. Slowly, with deliberate intention, I nodded and Rhys seemed to understand. And then he jumped up with the grace of a cat and pulled me to my feet.

“So where do we start with this place?” he asked.

“Just bring the boxes up for now. I want to paint it first before I do anything else.”

“You paint?”

“As if you didn’t know.” He snickered.

“What are you going to paint it?”

I shrugged, looking around and taking in the bare wooden walls that slanted at the sides to form my new home. The word still felt foreign in my mind in conjunction with this place, never mind saying it out loud. Maybe the paint would help. I’d never touched my old room with my liquid weapons. Not once.

But it was different here. I could feel it. This was my own little hovel - it deserved to be noticed.

“I don’t know. You got any ideas, Mr. Fine Ass?”

Rhys smirked, leaning against the door frame. “The night sky,” he said instantly. “That way you don’t have to wait to fall asleep to watch the stars shine for you and wish upon them.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. Not at all.

When we stumbled back outside to collect more of my boxes, I found my eldest sister shouting - again. But after talking to Rhys, I didn’t feel quite so upset this time. And I was almost intrigued to watch Cassian stand there on the receiving end of Nesta’s wrath, wondering if he could actually pass the test.

A pile of books - Nesta’s books, her pride and joy above all else - sat in a heap on the grass. Cassian held a box that was far too flimsy to hold the weight of the books and had promptly split in two, dumping them on the ground. Nesta looked furious as she bent down to gather her children.

“You bastard!” she shouted, looking up at Cassian as her hands found a Russian language copy of War and Peace with a fresh tear down the front cover. Cassian looked smug, as if he’d been the one to tear the book and was proud of it.

“It’s not my fault you don’t take care of your things,” he said apathetically.

“Like you’d understand,” Nesta spat. “You wouldn’t understand finer things - art, literature,” and she shook the book at him, getting up from the ground, “if it jumped up and bit you on that hideous crooked nose of yours. This is culture!” Her tone shifted, grown suddenly solemn, the bite gone. “And you just dumped it in the grass like manure. Do you even realize…”

She stared down at her stack of books that she had poured the last ten years of her life into at school, genuinely hurt by what had happened, her own stupid fault for packing in a rush last minute. But it was so much emotion for such scraps at her feet - all she had left to tear her away from a life at home that disappointed her.

Who were Nesta’s friends? Did she have them or did she burn too passionately that the only ones who could take her in and understand were the ones at her feet without a voice to argue back against the fire devouring her?

And then, Cassian spoke, his voice taking on a soothing caress that was soft and caring, as if he did in fact realize what Nesta was saying. As if - he understood.

But that wasn’t what shocked me most. No, what shocked me was the fact that he was speaking to her in perfect, fluent Russian.

Nesta’s head snapped up as Cassian spoke, drawing herself level with him. Hesitantly, enough that I could tell she was tripping over her words despite the fact that I knew she spoke Russian just as well as Cassian apparently could, she replied. A brief exchange ensued and it was the calmest I had seen Nesta, maybe ever.

I looked at Rhys and saw a silent, knowing exchange pass between him and Azriel. So that was what the scoff in the car had been about. Heavens, I wanted to laugh.

Nesta snickered. Cassian repeated whatever he’d said.

Her eyes narrowed. His invited.

She muttered the lone Russian word I knew amid a handful - Yes - and stormed off into the house, a stack of books piled high in her arms.

Cassian went straight to Azriel, his hand outstretched. “You owe me twenty bucks, son.”

“No!” I gasped.

“Oh yeah,” Cassian whooped.

“You got her number?” Azriel asked.

“Better than that. I got a date.”

“No…” I breathed, my mind refusing to accept what he was saying. Rhys was laughing his ass off. “What did you say to her?”

“I didn’t have to say anything.” Cassian stretched his arms wide like a peacock ready to show off. “She’s warm for my form, what can I say? The accent probably helped too.”

“You’re disgusting,” I said, but my tone was more amused.

“Cassian’s dad was Russian ops,” Rhys explained next to me. “He’s been to Russia more times that he can count.”

Explained the muscles, I thought.

“So cough up,” Cassian said, again reaching his hand out to Azriel, who simply shook his head.

“You got a date,” Azriel said. “But the bet was that you’d get her number.”

“Oh come on!”

It was Azriel’s turn to hold out his hand. “Twenty big ones, if you please.”

Cassian dug his wallet out and handed over the cash. “Fucking Azriel,” he said under his breathe as he passed me and returned to the moving truck.

“Technically the bet was good until the end of the day,” I said, addressing Azriel directly for the first time. “Are you going to remind him?”

Azriel looked at me and then slowly, one delicate muscle at a time arched his lips into a faint smile. “Not a chance.”

“Come on, Feyre, darling,” Rhys said clapping Az on the shoulder. “Let’s go unpack ourselves a house.”

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

The Reasons Why

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone."

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something from its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be 'right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch." She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said, “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment.' I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch. Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way to hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!"

Before we had to get back to the party , I needed gas. Gabriella said, "Do you remember getting gas for me at the end of our first date?" I said, "Of course. It was a little bit after 2:00 o' clock in the morning. I drove you to a local gas station, where I filled your tank. As I was filling your tank you got out of the car and kissed me. Yes, it was a special kiss. I put the nozzle back on and wished you a safe trip home. My heart was fluttering. You thanked me for the date. You said, " Steve, I had an absolutely wonderful time." The moon was gleaming on your face! That was the moment you drove off. There I was standing at the Chevron gas station. A few minutes later you called me,and we talked all the way till you arrived home. I'l never forget pump seven at Chevron."

Minutes later I noticed Gabriella just starring at me. She said, "I don't mean to be rude, but what's wrong?" I said, Nothing!" Gabriella said, "No Steve, I can tell there is something wrong! really wrong!" I was going in and out of a trance, but this time I stayed in it! The trance took me all the way back to when I was four years old. I remember climbing up on the brown couch in the front room. I remember looking outside. I could see a truck in traffic. It was a big truck. There was a man inside the truck holding a little white puppy on his right side. The puppy jumped up and out the truck. The truck moved slowly. I saw the truck run over the puppy with its back wheels. The man immediately stopped the truck, got out and ran to the puppy. The truck had flattened the dead puppy. The man started to cry while he held his dog against his body. I started to cry too. I called for my mommy! I came out of the trance, and I told Gabriella, "I was fine. We have to get back to the party, your parents are waiting for us." We were at a stop sign by a railroad crossing. The gates came down. I put the top back up on the convertible. Gabriella said, "You are noticeably shaking. You're not ok." Bam, a car ran into us, on the passengers side. Gabriella just looked at me. Blood came out of her mouth. I reached over to her, as her head fell back. She went unconscious. I called 911 but I couldn't talk. I heard 911 say, "Someone already called in. The paramedics are on their way." The paramedics arrived moments later. They started working on Gabriella. I said, "Please save her." A few minutes later the paramedics put her in the ambulance. One of the paramedics said, "We are taking her to Mercy Hospital." One of the Police Officers who was at the scene said, "In just a little bit, I'll drive you to the hospital." I said, "Thank you," and called Gabriella's parents.

Gabriella's mom answered. I said, "We have just been in an auto accident." "Oh my God, are you two alright? Please tell me Gabriella is alright?", She said. "Gabriella, has been hurt. The paramedics are already here. They're taking her to Mercy Hospital. I'll meet you at the hospital," I said. ok," June said. She started to call out to her husband as she was hanging up the phone. All of a sudden a warm brisk wind came out of nowhere. I thought of my first wifes Grandmother, Betty. I loved her so much!

Rep

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

The Reasons Why

“The Reasons Why”

                             The First Four Chapters                                          Unedited

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone.                

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

It was three years later. I was in church and ran into my x girlfriends former roommate. That meeting culminated in marriage. I'll get back to this!

Chapter 2

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

Chapter Three

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something from its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch."  She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Chapter Four

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said,  “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment. I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch.  Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way too hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

The Reasons Why

“The Reasons Why”

                             The First Four Chapters                                          Unedited

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone.                

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

It was three years later. I was in church and ran into my x girlfriends former roommate. That meeting culminated in marriage. I'll get back to this!

Chapter 2

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

Chapter Three

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something from its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch."  She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Chapter Four

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said,  “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment. I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch.  Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way too hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

The Reasons Why

“The Reasons Why”

                             The First Four Chapters                                          Unedited

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone.                

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

It was three years later. I was in church and ran into my x girlfriends former roommate. That meeting culminated in marriage. I'll get back to this!

Chapter 2

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

Chapter Three

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something from its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch."  She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Chapter Four

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said,  “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment. I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch.  Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way too hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

The Reasons Why

                             The First Four Chapters                                          Unedited

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone.                

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

It was three years later. I was in church and ran into my x girlfriends former roommate. That meeting culminated in marriage. I'll get back to this!

Chapter 2

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

Chapter Three

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something from its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch."  She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Chapter Four

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said,  “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment. I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch.  Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way too hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!

[pleasantcupcakegiver]

“The Reasons Why”

                             The First Four Chapters                                          Unedited

It was 5:00pm. The day was sultry. "The Reasons Why" was finally going to be told in two and half hours. My agent, Safron handed me the first advance on the footsteps of the playhouse, I said," Do you think she'll show?" Safron paused, looked at me and said, "What do you think, you're handing her a check? I know why you wrote it, but what's the history?" We walked to a room in the back. We sat down. I said, " This is how it all started."

While with a girlfriend years ago I said one morning "lets take a drive somewhere." She said, "Sure, where were you thinking?" I paused, I said, "Wherever it takes us." The day was already warm. We drove over a bunch of hills and a couple of hours later we were in the Central Valley. By now it was down right hot. The wind picked up. There were onion fields, all around. The aroma was just plain simply pungent. The car began to lose power. We pulled off into a nearby town. We barely made it to a garage. It was red and looked like a barn. Yes, we were in the country.

One hour later, the mechanic whose name was Ralph said, "It was the gas gage. The car was sputtering because it was out of gas. I had an extra gage. I also filled the tank." I said, " How much do I owe you?" Ralph said, "It's all taken care of. Just pass it on. I said, "Let me pay you at least something." Ralph said, "No when you get the opportunity just help someone.                

My girlfriend Laurie said, "We're grateful." Ralph said, Come back to Merced, you hear!" For some reason, at that moment I felt like I would be back in this town. As we drove out of the parking lot, the wind picked up, the dust picked up. We drove off.

It was the middle of the night. I was back at the garage that looked like a red barn. A lady with long black hair wearing a black dress with red lipstick and piercing blue eyes was standing in front. She'll looked at me paused and said,"She'll look like me," she'll have a restless heart and that rock won't roll." I said to her, "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I was very perplexed. She said, "you'll see." I woke. What a dream!

It was three years later. I was in church and ran into my x girlfriends former roommate. That meeting culminated in marriage. I'll get back to this!

Chapter 2

Many years had passed on and it was a hot summer day in 2010. I was laying out in the middle of the floor in my den; just waking up from a nap as the phone rang. For some reason I knew who it was. As I sat up and picked it up, I dropped it. I could see that the phone call was from Merced. I could hear," Hello! Hello! It's me Gabriella. I'm coming over to meet you." I said,"Huh," as I gained my composure. "You have cancelled on me three times, so I'm coming over. Is that ok?", she said. "Yeah, I would like to meet you," I said.

About two hours later, she pulled in the drive way. This beautiful young lady slowly got out of the car. As I was looking out the blinds, she just stood there, as she looked at the house. As I looked at her, I thought of a couple lines from the movie "Tombstone." I said out loud, "I'm an oak." I walked outside toward her as she was walking up the long driveway. Our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a black dress with medium heels and red lipstick. The sun was beaming down on her long black hair. I was gone and I knew I was never coming back. I did not know it at the time, but that moment changed our lives.

We decided to go across the bay. On the way to Marin County as we were driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, she asked me to put the top down. The fog was piercing cold but we were laughing like two kids. We found a little place on the waterfront in Sausalito. As we were being seated, the waiter inexplicably excused himself for a moment. That was the moment of our first kiss which turned into a gentle second kiss. As we were looking out at the bay the waiter came back. Gabriella said, "Nice view." I was thinking the same thing. We just looked at each other.

"I'm sorry for leaving abruptly, I had to take care of something in the back," the waiter said. Gabriella while looking at me said,"That is quite all right." "Are you sure?," the waiter said. Gabriella answered, "I know I'm being redundant, but I'm sure." I thought to myself, I just enjoyed everything about her. I loved her smile. She seemed so innocent and yes again I have to say she was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know everything about her. An instant respect for her kicked in and I didn't even have a reason for it, except knowing that she is a child of God.

Chapter Three

A few months later, I found out, Gabriella loved the Eagles. So guess what; I got front row seats for the 10/02/2010 Eagles concert at the Oracle Arena, in Oakland, California. I knew something was going to happen that night, but I really wasn't sure what it was. There we were in amazement, watching the Eagles perform. They were amazing. Every note in every song was perfect, just like they were performing in a recording studio, except they sounded better than ever before. When Gabriella heard, " I Can't Tell You Why" she looked at me with a smile that was just chilling. Gabriella said, " I love this concert. Thank you Steve." She reached over and kissed me! At the end of the concert, Glenn Frey looked at the audience and said, " This is how it all started."

The Eagles started playing, "Take it Easy." I knew we were done with taking it easy. We were on and it wasn't going to stop! I knew I needed to pray for guidance! Later that night, I walked Gabriella to her front door and kissed her. "Thank you for tonight. That was a great concert," she said. I told her, I would pick her up tomorrow at 7:00pm for dinner at pier 39 in San Francisco.

The following morning, I called a seal trainer that I had met at pier 39 a few years back. I asked him if he could make one of his seals do a specific trick for me. He insisted there would be no problem for the trick to be performed. I told him Gabriella and I will meet him at the pier at 8:00pm. That day was intense. All day I was thinking if my crazy idea would really work. I felt a little foolish, but I knew I had to do it. Gabriella and I arrived at the stage on pier 39 at about 7:50pm.

While watching the seals perform tricks, I handed the trainer a little something which one of the seals snatched out of the trainers hand. A few seconds later that seal slightly bumped Gabriella. "I think that seal likes you and wants to give you something. Open up your hand. I think the seal wants to share its food with you," I said. Gabriella chuckled as she gave me a funny look. The seal jumped up and dropped something form its mouth into Gabriella's hand. As Gabriella focused on the object, her chuckles turned into tears. She saw that it was an engagement ring. I knelt down on one knee, and asked her if she would marry me. Gabriella said, "yes." I placed the ring on her finger.

Gabriella started to cry. The wind picked up and swirled right by us. It was swift! We hugged. We kissed. The crowd that had just gathered whistled and, clapped. The seal trainer came over and we all hugged. We heard a few voices in the background. “Alright” one said. A few others said, “Congratulations.” Everyone around us, was clapping in perfect harmony. I said to myself, “Thank you Lord.” I shed a tear myself. That moment was so surreal. “ Sir, now that we are engaged, let’s just go to dinner,” Gabriella said. “Ok, but we’re going to Sausalito," I replied.

Half an hour later we drove down a hill into the city. The moonlight blanketed the water on the bay . It was sleek, black and calm! Minutes later we were inside the restaurant. The same waiter who we had on our first date, handed us the menu. As Gabriella opened it up, tears fell from her face. This is what she saw,” You ask me why. Here is why. These are the reasons why I love you. When I wake up, I think of you. During the day, I smile and think of you. Every part of you is beautiful to me and God and throughout the evening I think of you. Tonight my tears fell on you. As I kissed you, those tear drops from my eyes touched your face. Now those tear drops are blossoming when I think of you."

Gabriella said, “You remembered! I am so in love with you. Steve I’ll be right back. I just want to fix my makeup.” “You don’t need to, you're beautiful. I’ll freshen up too,” I said. I walked over to the other side of the table and hugged her. As she stood up, I held her hand. We walked to the “powder room.”

As she was walking into the Ladies room, a woman in a white dress who seemed to come out of nowhere caught my eye. She walked right up to me and said, “Your Steve Shaw." I said, “How do you know that?” She reached out to shake my hand. “I’m Denica. I’ve seen you on TV. I know a little bit about you.” I said, “What are you talking about?” “Well my grandfather worked with your father in Intelligence. I know you like black dresses, that ring on your finger matches the eyes of your now fiancé. Lastly your father was a photo interpreter.” I said," Who are you?” She started to walk away. She said, “We’ll be in touch."  She then turned around and said, "I've read excerpts from your writings."

Chapter Four

Safron, a few days later Gabriella and I were back in Sausalito. We were parked on the waterfront; the sun was setting. The Plans were being made for the wedding. The top was down. It had been a warm fall day in the city. Yes, there’s just something about September and October on The San Francisco Bay. The light was fading. The water was darkening, Gabriella was smiling. The wind picked up and all of a sudden a old memory pierced through my heart. It skipped a beat. I was by the pool, on a sweltering hot August afternoon in 2000.

I had fallen asleep. I started dreaming. A swift warm wind passed. I heard a voice say, “I’m going home. I’ll be alright. I’m already with Jesus. Whenever you feel a swift wind coming out of nowhere, that will be me telling you everything will be alright.” I woke up. A swift wind passed. I got up, went into the house. My wife was crying. We hugged. She said,  “My mom called, Grandma just passed away. I said, “I know.” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “I just knew."

The wind picked up again. I came out of the moment. Gabriella was holding my hand. She reached over, we kissed. Gabriella said, “You loved her so much. I know your pain, My daughter’s passing still cuts through my heart everyday, sometimes every moment. I said, “I can’t imagine. All I know, you have so much love to give. You’re just so Gabriella!

A month passed. Gabriella was at her parent’s house, helping prepare the food for the engagement party dinner. It was almost time for the guests to arrive. I was about two miles away. The day was hot. My cell phone rang. It was Amelia, my youngest daughter. “Daddy I need bus tickets. Where are you?” I said, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. I’m just about to arrive at my fiance’s parents house.” She said, “Are you going to marry her?” I said, “I am.” “Why don’t you marry mommy again?” I said, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.” There was a moment of silence. “Bye Daddy.” My heart dropped. I’m sure my daughter’s heart dropped even harder. I knew I needed to gain my composure. I pretended to put my game face on.

I drove up to the house. It was beautiful. The house was white, with a white picket fence. There was a swing on the porch.  Gabriella opened up the front door. She must have seen me drive up. She was wearing a red dress. “ I like your dress,” I said. “Black sports coat, black v neck t shirt, blue jeans, you look ok too,” she said. “I like the flower in your hair,” I said. “I like the black shoes,” she said. “I like the fact you’re not wearing any shoes," I said. Gabriella blushed. Gabriella said, “I’m helping mom in the kitchen." We started to laugh. We kissed!

Gabriella looked at my car and said, "You haven't put the top down for a while." I said, "Well, it's been really hot." Come on Steve, live a little. Put it down, let's go for a quick ride," Gabriella replied. I said, "Ok, but you better put on some shoes cause the pavement is way too hot. She shook her head and said, "No, no, just pick me up and carry me. I can tell you are in a little bit of a funky mood and I'm going to get you out of it." I picked her up, carried her to the car, put the top down and started the car. Gabriella's parents came to the door. Her father said, "Where are you taking my daughter?" Gabriella said, "Mom, Dad, "I'll be right back, he's taking me for a little ride!"