#explanation for my lack of activity
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happylandfill23 · 1 year ago
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pixie with her brother cosmo in los angeles, april 2023
w/o gradient and a small story below the cut :]
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without gradient
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in april, pixie took a trip to los angeles to visit some friends and arranged to meet with her brother cosmo while on the trip. she hadn't seen him since college, and was excited to see how he was doing, especially after hearing he'd started testosterone. pixie brought her polaroid camera, and her friend lisa offered to take a picture when cosmo showed up. the minute she saw him, pixie ran up to cosmo and wrapped him in a hug. lisa snapped the picture, and the pereira siblings spent the rest of the day catching up with each other. the picture lisa took is one of the several polaroids she keeps taped up on her wall back home!
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emeraldoo · 10 months ago
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> receives code from friend to blow up computer
> run code
> computer explodes
> mfw
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infamousbeans · 2 years ago
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Yknow what. Why must everything in a story have an explanation? Why are people so desperate to be smarter than the story?
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aplpaca · 2 years ago
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thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.
But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.
Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.
Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.
For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.
One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.
Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like
Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)
Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)
Fear of becoming or being sick
Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about
Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)
Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)
What if I'm a bad person?
Fear of losing things
Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)
Fear of unreality
Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include
Hand washing
Organizing things until they Feel Right
Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly
Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something
Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them
Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something
Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts
Obsessive prayer
Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away
Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts
Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")
But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.
(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)
Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite
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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months ago
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The Pizzaburger Presidency
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For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!
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The corporate wing of the Democrats has objectively terrible political instincts, because the corporate wing of the Dems wants things that are very unpopular with the electorate (this is a trait they share with the Republican establishment).
Remember Hillary Clinton's unimaginably terrible campaign slogan, "America is already great?" In other words, "Vote for me if you believe that nothing needs to change":
https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/758501814945869824
Biden picked up the "This is fine" messaging where Clinton left off, promising that "nothing would fundamentally change" if he became president:
https://www.salon.com/2019/06/19/joe-biden-to-rich-donors-nothing-would-fundamentally-change-if-hes-elected/
Biden didn't so much win that election as Trump lost it, by doing extremely unpopular things, including badly bungling the American covid response and killing about a million people.
Biden's 2020 election victory was a squeaker, and it was absolutely dependent on compromising with the party's left wing, embodied by the Warren and Sanders campaigns. The Unity Task Force promised – and delivered – key appointments and policies that represented serious and powerful change for the better:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/10/thanks-obama/#triangulation
Despite these excellent appointments and policies, the Biden administration has remained unpopular and is heading into the 2024 election with worryingly poor numbers. There is a lot of debate about why this might be. It's undeniable that every leader who has presided over a period of inflation, irrespective of political tendency, is facing extreme defenstration, from Rishi Sunak, the far-right prime minister of the UK, to the relentlessly centrist Justin Trudeau in Canada:
https://prospect.org/politics/2024-05-29-three-barriers-biden-reelection/
It's also true that Biden has presided over a genocide, which he has been proudly and significantly complicit in. That Trump would have done the same or worse is beside the point. A political leader who does things that the voters deplore can't expect to become more popular, though perhaps they can pull off less unpopular:
https://www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/the-left-is-not-joe-bidens-problem
Biden may be attracting unfair blame for inflation, and totally fair blame for genocide, but in addition to those problems, there's this: Biden hasn't gotten credit for the actual good things he's done:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoflHnGrCpM
Writing in his newsletter, Matt Stoller offers an explanation for this lack of credit: the Biden White House almost never talks about any of these triumphs, even the bold, generational ones that will significantly alter the political landscape no matter who wins the next election:
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/why-does-the-biden-white-house-hate
Biden's antitrust enforcers have gone after price-fixing in oil, food and rent – the three largest sources of voter cost-of-living concern. They've done more on these three kinds of crime than all of their predecessors over the past forty years, combined. And yet, Stoller finds example after example of White House press secretaries being lobbed softballs by the press and refusing to even try to swing at them. When asked about any of this stuff, the White House demurs, refusing to comment.
The reasons they give for this is that they don't want to mess up an active case while it's before the courts. But that's not how this works. Yes, misstatements about active cases can do serious damage, but not talking about cases extinguishes the political will needed to carry them out. That's why a competent press secretary excellent briefings and training, because they must talk about these cases.
Think for a moment about the fact that the US government is – at this very moment – trying to break up Google, the largest tech company in the history of the world, and there has been virtually no press about it. This is a gigantic story. It's literally the biggest business story ever. It's practically a secret.
Why doesn't the Biden admin want to talk about this very small number of very good things it's doing? To understand that, you have to understand the hollowness of "centrist" politics as practiced in the Democratic Party.
The Democrats, like all political parties, are a coalition. Now, there are lots of ways to keep a coalition together. Parties who detest one another can stay in coalition provided that each partner is getting something they want out of it – even if one partner is bitterly unhappy about everything else happening in the coalition. That's the present-day Democratic approach: arrest students, bomb Gaza, but promise to do something about abortion and a few other issues while gesturing with real and justified alarm at Trump's open fascism, and hope that the party's left turns out at the polls this fall.
Leaders who play this game can't announce that they are deliberately making a vital coalition partner miserable and furious. Instead, they insist that they are "compromising" and point to the fact that "everyone is equally unhappy" with the way things are going.
This school of politics – "Everyone is angry at me, therefore I am doing something right" – has a name, courtesy of Anat Shenker-Osorio: "Pizzaburger politics." Say half your family wants burgers for dinner and the other half wants pizza: make a pizzaburger and disappoint all of them, and declare yourself to be a politics genius:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/17/pizzaburgers/
But Biden's Pizzaburger Presidency doesn't disappoint everyone equally. Sure, Biden appointed some brilliant antitrust enforcers to begin the long project of smashing the corporate juggernauts built through forty years of Reaganomics (including the Reganomics of Bill Clinton and Obama). But his lifetime federal judicial appointments are drawn heavily from the corporate wing of the party's darlings, and those judges will spend the rest of their lives ruling against the kinds of enforcers Biden put in charge of the FTC and DoJ antitrust division:
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/judge-rules-for-microsoft-mergers
So that's one reason that Biden's comms team won't talk about his most successful and popular policies. But there's another reason: schismogenesis.
"Schismogenesis" is a anthropological concept describing how groups define themselves in opposition to their opponents (if they're for it, we're against it). Think of the liberals who became cheerleaders for the "intelligence community" (you know the CIA spies who organized murderous coups against a dozen Latin American democracies, and the FBI agents who tried to get MLK to kill himself) as soon as Trump and his allies began to rail against them:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/18/schizmogenesis/
Part of Trump's takeover of conservativism is a revival of "the paranoid style" of the American right – the conspiratorial, unhinged apocalyptic rhetoric that the movement's leaders are no longer capable of keeping a lid on:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/16/that-boy-aint-right/#dinos-rinos-and-dunnos
This stuff – the lizard-people/Bilderberg/blood libel/antisemitic/Great Replacement/race realist/gender critical whackadoodlery – was always in conservative rhetoric, but it was reserved for internal communications, a way to talk to low-information voters in private forums. It wasn't supposed to make it into your campaign ads:
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/27/texas-republicans-adopts-conservative-wish-list-for-the-2024-platform/73858798007/
Today's conservative vibe is all about saying the quiet part aloud. Historian Rick Perlstein calls this the "authoritarian ratchet": conservativism promises a return to a "prelapsarian" state, before the country lost its way:
https://prospect.org/politics/2024-05-29-my-political-depression-problem/
This is presented as imperative: unless we restore that mythical order, the country is doomed. We might just be the last generation of free Americans!
But that state never existed, and can never be recovered, but it doesn't matter. When conservatives lose a fight they declare to be existential (say, trans bathroom bans), they just pretend they never cared about it and move on to the next panic.
It's actually worse for them when they win. When the GOP repeals Roe, or takes the Presidency, the Senate and Congress, and still fails to restore that lost glory, then they have to find someone or something to blame. They turn on themselves, purging their ranks, promise ever-more-unhinged policies that will finally restore the state that never existed.
This is where schismogenesis comes in. If the GOP is making big, bold promises, then a shismogenesis-poisoned liberal will insist that the Dems must be "the party of normal." If the GOP's radical wing is taking the upper hand, then the Dems must be the party whose radical wing is marginalized (see also: UK Labour).
This is the trap of schismogenesis. It's possible for the things your opponents do to be wrong, but tactically sound (like promising the big changes that voters want). The difference you should seek to establish between yourself and your enemies isn't in promising to maintaining the status quo – it's in promising to make better, big muscular changes, and keeping those promises.
It's possible to acknowledge that an odious institution to do something good – like the CIA and FBI trying to wrongfoot Trump's most unhinged policies – without becoming a stan for that institution, and without abandoning your stance that the institution should either be root-and-branch reformed or abolished altogether.
The mere fact that your enemy uses a sound tactic to do something bad doesn't make that tactic invalid. As Naomi Klein writes in her magnificent Doppelganger, the right's genius is in co-opting progressive rhetoric and making it mean the opposite: think of their ownership of "fake news" or the equivalence of transphobia with feminism, of opposition to genocide with antisemitism:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/05/not-that-naomi/#if-the-naomi-be-klein-youre-doing-just-fine
Promising bold policies and then talking about them in plain language at every opportunity is something demagogues do, but having bold policies and talking about them doesn't make you a demagogue.
The reason demagogues talk that way is that it works. It captures the interest of potential followers, and keeps existing followers excited about the project.
Choosing not to do these things is political suicide. Good politics aren't boring. They're exciting. The fact that Republicans use eschatological rhetoric to motivate crazed insurrectionists who think they're the last hope for a good future doesn't change the fact that we are at a critical juncture for a survivable future.
If the GOP wins this coming election – or when Pierre Poilievre's petro-tories win the next Canadian election – they will do everything they can to set the planet on fire and render it permanently uninhabitable by humans and other animals. We are running out of time.
We can't afford to cede this ground to the right. Remember the clickbait wars? Low-quality websites and Facebook accounts got really good at ginning up misleading, compelling headlines that attracted a lot of monetizable clicks.
For a certain kind of online scolding centrist, the lesson from this era was that headlines should a) be boring and b) not leave out any salient fact. This is very bad headline-writing advice. While it claims to be in service to thoughtfulness and nuance, it misses out on the most important nuance of all: there's a difference between a misleading headline and a headline that calls out the most salient element of the story and then fleshes that out with more detail in the body of the article. If a headline completely summarizes the article, it's not a headline, it's an abstract.
Biden's comms team isn't bragging about the administration's accomplishments, because the senior partners in this coalition oppose those accomplishments. They don't want to win an election based on the promise to prosecute and anti-corporate revolution, because they are counter-revolutionaries.
The Democratic coalition has some irredeemably terrible elements. It also has elements that I would march into the sun for. The party itself is a very weak institution that's bad at resolving the tension between both groups:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/30/weak-institutions/
Pizzaburgers don't make anyone happy and they're not supposed to. They're a convenient cover for the winners of intraparty struggles to keep the losers from staying home on election day. I don't know how Biden can win this coming election, but I know how he can lose it: keep on reminding us that all the good things about his administration were undertaken reluctantly and could be jettisoned in a second Biden administration.
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/29/sub-bushel-comms-strategy/#nothing-would-fundamentally-change
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adragonsfriend · 3 months ago
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Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!
That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,
It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.
Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.
Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?
"So it's not actually that bad then?"
"You should tell her again."
"Are you sure you explained it right?"
The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!
With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.
And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.
Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.
There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.
The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.
Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.
Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.
And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.
Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal
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daisynik7 · 1 year ago
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the scowl nanami had in the trailer reminded me of the safeword audio, it’s definitely his reaction when finds out you’ve been touching yourself without his permission 😩
Anon, you are SO RIGHT, and for that, I wrote a little something. In case anyone is curious, THIS is the audio anon is referring to (reddit link, 18+). It is SO GOOD. It actually gets so tender and sweet at the end, but I did not recreate that for this little piece LOL. Anyways, ily anon for your brilliant brain. I love the idea of getting caught in the act, I am SO here for it. Also, I’m going feral over mean!Nanami. This is barely edited or proofread. This is a result of my carnal desires for him taking over my fingers without a care in the world. I’m throwing feminism out the window temporarily for this, sorry ancestors. MDNI banner by @/cafekitsune.
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You’re well into your third climax of the night, the vibrator buzzing on the lowest setting on your swollen clit, the exquisite sensations resonating down to the tips of your toes. You’re so sensitive now, basically mush puddled in the sheets, skin damp with sweat, arousal smeared over your loins. There’s nothing playing in the background; no porn, no nsfw audios, not even a dirty picture displayed on your phone screen. All that you have to get you off is the memory of Nanami railing you into the mattress, the same one you’re currently drenched in your slick, pumping his cock in and out of your wet cunt. That’s all you need to get your pussy throbbing, skin prickling, belly fluttering. 
He's not home yet, still out on a mission with Gojo, doing what he does best: protecting people. Is it unfair that he has to work this hard, risking his life, while you’re twisting in the bedsheets, squirming with pleasure from a handheld toy? Maybe not. But what’s the harm in a little mindless release? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?
Your eyes are shut tight as you descend from your high, vibrator shut off and teetering loosely in your hand, satiated and spent from tonight’s activities. You could fall asleep this instant, but there’s so much to clean up, all the evidence of your naughty deed that you don’t want your husband to discover without explanation. As you’re about to rise up out of bed, you hear the familiar jangle of keys unlocking the front door. Startled, and still a slippery mess, you quickly wipe off the toy, shoving it beneath the pillow. It’s not quick enough because just as you look up, Nanami is already standing at the doorframe of your bedroom, scowling. 
Like a bit from a comedy movie, you twiddle your fingers innocently, completely naked and exposed on the bed. “Hi honey,” you greet, slowly pulling the covers over your body. You smile at him, acting like he hasn’t already caught you in the act. He doesn’t respond, expression serious. Dangerous.
Heat rushes into your cheeks, increasingly nervous by his lack of reaction. “Kento, sweetie. What’s wrong?”
He crosses his arms over his chest, sauntering towards you. “You tell me,” he mutters, sitting at the edge of the bed, studying you carefully. 
You swallow loudly, mouth coated in your saliva. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Oh?” It sounds like he’s teasing you. Toying with you. You shudder with anticipation as he reaches over, hand slipping under the pillow, retrieving your vibrator. He waves it at you. “What’s this, then?”
Another noisy gulp before you answer, “My vibrator.”
His eyes narrow, his free hand tugging the blanket off you slowly, inspecting your body from your face, chest, then between your legs, squeezed together, hiding your arousal. “What were you doing while I was away?” he asks, resting his hands on your knees, spreading you apart. “Were you being a bad girl?” 
There’s no need for a verbal answer, because as soon as his eyes fixate on your aching pussy, he already knows. “So, you have been a bad girl. Look at you, all wet and swollen already.” He clicks his tongue disapprovingly as you hide your embarrassed face behind your hand, barely peeking at him between your fingers. “You didn’t even have the decency to clean up.”
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, limbs trembling, yearning for him to touch you. 
“Oh, you’re sorry?” he repeats, mocking you. “You fuck yourself while I’m working and all you can say is sorry?”
“I – ”, you choke on your own spit, rendering you speechless. 
“It seems that you forgot, so let me remind you one last time: This is my pussy. Not yours. Mine. You don’t get to play with it without my permission.” He sighs, hands sliding languidly down your thighs, prodding at the tender skin. “Such a dirty girl. What am I going to do with you?”
You moan, longing to feel his fingers, his cock, anything��inside you. “Baby, please.”
He licks his lips, hungry eyes focused on your sopping cunt. “I guess it’s my job to clean up this mess.” He leans forward, tongue lapping at your sensitive bud, swirling circles around it, puckering his lips to suck. “Such a slutty pussy. So sloppy and wet for me.”
You squirm above him, pleasure stimulating your every nerve. “Fuck!” you cry out, lost in the ecstasy. 
His low chuckle vibrates against your clit, pinched between his lips. “How many times did you come from this toy? Once? Twice?”
You grip his hair between your fingers, shoving his face deeper. “Three times!” you stutter.
“And you’re still so fucking horny for me, huh?” He slides his tongue up and down your folds, collecting your slick on his tongue, drinking you up. “I’m going to have to do better than that toy then for you to learn your lesson.”
The need to be used and manhandled by him overtakes you. It doesn’t matter how much you touched yourself earlier. All you can think about is how much you need to be touched by him. How badly you need his cock inside you. How insanely desperate you are for his cum to fill you up. 
So you take it. Every lick, every suck, his fingers inside you, curled and hitting that sweet spot that only he can reach. His cock bullying you into submission, body weak and pliant from overstimulation, yielding to his every thrust like his own personal cock sleeve. All the while, he moans into your ear, constantly muttering the same reminder to you. 
“This is my pussy. All fucking mine.”
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creativitysloyalservant · 1 month ago
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i have decided to break my lack of original posting on this blog to bring you my Thoughts on Rot in Paradise. because i played it as soon as i got up this morning and i have scoured for some opinions after finishing it, and now i have my own!!
(and also i posted this on twitter but twitter has such a Shit wordcount that i'm also posting my things here with More Detail)
so! spoilers under the cut, please go and play the game if you haven't. it takes literally an hour (it only took nearly 2 hours for me because i like voice acting by myself and exploring every nook and cranny) and it's also free. so maybe come back into the tag once you're done.
okay, so i noticed quite a number of people being confused and disappointed on the lack of an explanation for the monster. it's brought up in the story as the central thing driving the plot, but it's never explained on what "she" is, why she's compelling people to eat a ton of fish-related food or hell, metal, and why this doesn't impact June at all.
but you know what I think?
i think that that's the point. the focus of rot in paradise isn't supposed to be on the monster.
yeah, it's the thing that pushes the plot along besides June and the gang going on vacation in this island. it's what's causing that uneasiness from the moment that guy grabs June's arm at the drinks, to the sheer unnerving feeling of witnessing people going to the ocean to get Raptured basically. i know i personally felt a chill when i saw that one dude literally eating chains and the other hauling an anchor, as if they're trying to make themselves heavier so they get taken by whatever She is.
but that's not the main point! the main conflict is about June and her friends.
as people have pointed out, this game is about toxic friendships and relationships! it's foreshadowed in the conversation that June has with the gang about her cousin (which i will also get into), and it carries it through the way her friends are horribly warped by this ocean Creature. June goes on a silly little vacation trip with her friends only for them to become so so different from themselves that they lash out at her and even hit her in McCoy's case.
but she still sticks it out with them. through the whole game, even despite their verbal abuse, despite being slapped, despite them being people that she can hardly recognise. she stays with them for the whole game, up until the point where you are given the two options at the very end. and she could still stay with them.
because they're still her friends. she cares about them even if they still hurt her. from the way June still tells Carmen to tell June if she needs anything after Carmen literally tells her to shut up and leave, the way June worries about Vonnie eating seafood even though she continues to stuff herself despite being implied to either hate or make an active choice to not eat seafood, to the way June still trudges out to sea screaming for McCoy to come back to the shore as he wades further in even after he slapped her until her nose bled.
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it mirrors the conversation about her cousin, the reason for why June was looking forward to the vacation. that while she did comfort her cousin through all of it, June clearly says that "they were dickheads, and she should have ditched them a long time ago".
but it's funny, isn't it? that June, an outsider to her cousin's friend group, easily sees the pain that her cousin's friends are causing her, and immediately calls it as it is. that her cousin should have left the second they hurt her.
and yet now, when her friends hurt her, even though this was a quick and sudden change that happened in a span of three days, June still sticks around. her friends are dickheads right now, and we can see that in the way they interact with June, but she still stays.
because they're her friends. and how could she just leave them like this if it's something that's causing them to be this way?
so no, i don't think the monster is supposed to be the main picture. we don't need to know what it looks like, or why it needs to do this to the islanders, or how it's even doing it in the first place. it adds to the scariness of the game, as per the Spooktober Game Jam, sure, but that's not the point. might be a bit disappointing to some, but that's not the point.
the point is about June, and the choice that she needs to make at the end of the game.
it's a choice on whether she chooses to be pulled deeper into the tides and be with the friends who hurt her and will continue to hurt her in this way,
or to leave them to their fates, whether deserved or not, and resurface to a world where she's alone without her friends.
and even though the first choice hurts much more in the long run, doesn't the second hurt even more in the moment? knowing that you're alone at the end of all of this?
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even if it is the right choice, i'm sure the pain must be unbearable in the moment.
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reidswhre · 2 months ago
Note
A vague request for Spencer x reader!! (only if you want too, obviously.) Maybe some hurt/comfort?? I'm such a sucker for those.
spencer reid x fem!reader
summary: you keep your nightmares and insomnia to yourself till you reach a point where you can’t handle it anymore, it’s great your boyfriend is there for ya.
warnings: nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, low self-esteem due to the lack of sleep, however, it’s hurt and comfort! 🫶🏼
a/n: it's a bit rushed but I'm a little inspired so I did it before my inspiration disappeared, i hope you like it. also english isn’t my first language so let me know any mistakes. as always my request are open feel free to send me yours!
Sleeping is supposed to be something pleasant. It usually reduces stress and improves your mood. It’s the favorite activity of many people—in fact, it used to be yours too.
Until insomnia and nightmares began. At first, they weren't that bad; they scared you a bit, but nothing more. Then they became terrible, making you feel so awful you wanted to throw up, which led to unstoppable insomnia.
You used to sleep maybe 3 hours a day at most, and it was killing you. Not only were you unbearably tired all day, but you also had a mood so bad that even you couldn’t stand yourself. As a result, you started treating people around you poorly, which made you feel awful, but at this point, it was beyond your control.
You hadn’t told anyone either—you didn’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily. It wasn’t needed. You were probably just going through a rough patch. Maybe Mercury was in retrograde.
“Hey.” Spencer’s face greeted you when you opened your apartment door to let him in.
“Hi,” you replied with a small smile.
“I really missed you,” he said as he walked into your apartment, planting a kiss on your forehead.
You smiled. “Really? I missed you too,” you said sincerely. “You were gone for a few days.” Spencer’s job often required him to be away, and you handled it pretty well.
“Yeah, the case was tough,” he explained as he placed some bags in your kitchen. “How’ve you been?”
“Me? Well... good, I guess. Nothing new,” you shrugged.
“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows, questioning you.
“Yeah, don’t worry.” You looked away, feeling uncomfortable.
Again, you didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone that you hadn’t been able to sleep properly for weeks. There was no point in saying it.
“What’s in the bags?” You pointed at them, trying to change the subject.
“Oh, I read that green tea increases the body's relaxation capacity and helps with sleep. Plus, the amount of L-theanine is higher than caffeine, so it’s a great option to avoid insomnia,” he explained while taking the tea out of the bags.
“You think I need that? Why would you think that?” you said, your mood shifting a bit.
“What? No, I don’t think you need it. I just thought it’d be good to have to relax a bit. Personally, I’m sleeping fine, but I don’t see any harm in drinking it,” he said, looking at you.
“Well, I’m sleeping great too, so I don’t need it, okay?” There it was again. You had no idea why you were treating him this way—he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I never said otherwise,” he said, frowning.
“Good.” You looked at the floor, feeling uncomfortable.
“Hey, are you sure you’re okay—”
“I’m perfectly fine,” you interrupted him and walked out of the kitchen.
You entered the bathroom in your room and splashed some water on your face, hoping it would refresh you. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You were a bit pale, with dark circles under your eyes that you hadn’t had in years, and your lips were dry. You felt terrible—like a completely different person.
But you decided that if you stayed there any longer, Spencer would come looking for you, and you’d have to give explanations you weren’t willing to share.
When you got back to the living room, you saw him sitting on the couch with his cup of tea and another cup next to him that was probably cold by now.
And you felt horrible.
Horrible wasn’t even enough to describe it.
He had bought and made tea just to help you relax a bit, even without knowing that this was the very thing driving you crazy.
And you had responded terribly.
“Spencer, I—” You tried to start.
“I think it’s better if we just go to bed, don’t you? It’s been a long day,” he said, getting up from the couch.
“Uhh... yeah, sure,” you whispered, staring at the floor.
Your heart was racing, sweat was running down your forehead and neck, and your head was spinning as you tried to push away the dreams that had been tormenting you.
“Hey,” you heard a voice in the distance. “Hey, listen to me, love, hey,” the voice repeated in your head.
“Hey!”
You suddenly sat up in bed, completely disoriented.
“Hey, you’re okay, right? You’re here with me,” Spencer said, looking at you while placing his hand on your knee. But you couldn’t really hear him. Your head was ringing so loudly it felt like it was going to explode.
“Sweetheart?” Spencer stroked your cheek, concerned.
Suddenly, you regained a bit of awareness. You looked at him and his worried face, then around the room. The clock read 12:38 AM. Your hands were sweating, and you were cold.
All of a sudden, everything you’d been carrying for weeks collapsed. It just fell apart, and you started crying like you hadn’t in a long time.
“Oh my God,” Spencer whispered as he wrapped you in his arms, holding you tightly.
“I’m so tired,” you sobbed into his neck.
“What’s going on, love? I need you to tell me, okay? So I can help you,” he whispered in your ear, his voice soft.
“I haven’t been able to sleep for a few weeks now,” you mumbled against him. “I have insomnia and lots of nightmares. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” he asked, gently cupping your face in his hands.
“I—I don’t know,” you sobbed. “I didn’t want to bother you, and I didn’t want to seem weak, I—” You stumbled over your words.
“Don’t say that. You could never bother me, especially not with something this important. It’s serious, and I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough,” he said, looking at you with his kind brown eyes, caressing your cheek with his thumb.
“I thought I was just having a few bad days, I don’t know—” you tried to explain through your tears.
“It’s okay, we can work through this. Tomorrow, we can see your therapist and check on how you’re doing, alright?” he said, kissing your forehead.
You nodded without saying anything, feeling safe.
“Let’s get that tea, yeah? I’m sure it’ll calm you down a bit—unless you don’t want it now either, hmm?” he teased you a little.
You let out a small laugh. “I want it.”
“Good, because I was going to make you drink it anyway,” he laughed with you.
“Hey!” you frowned.
“Don’t give me that face,” he said, kissing your furrowed brow.
“Thank you,” you said genuinely.
“For what? For making you drink tea?” he laughed.
“No, silly. For helping me, even though I didn’t treat you very well tonight,” you said, looking at the floor.
“Are you kidding? Of course, I’ll help you. It’s the least I can do. I love you, okay?”
“I love you too,” you said, giving him a small kiss on the lips.
You were probably going to sleep well tonight.
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pin-k-ink · 6 months ago
Text
vision // edogawa ranpo
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tw ⇢ mutual pining, sexual tension, teasing, slight angst if you squint, wet dreams, public sex, dirty talk, fingering, unprotected sex, pet names, nipple play
wc ⇢ 5.8k
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You had known Ranpo for as long as you could remember. The two of you were inseparable from the moment you became coworkers together at the Armed Detective Agency. His brilliant deductive mind and your keen intuition made you an unbeatable team on cases. More than that, you shared an effortless camaraderie that went beyond the workplace.
Ranpo was your closest friend, the person who knew you most intimately. You could spend hours together without uttering a single word, simply basking in each other's presence. He could read you like a book, preternaturally attuned to the subtlest shifts in your moods and thoughts in a way no one else came close to. Likewise, you took pride in being one of the few people who could cajole genuine smiles and laughs from behind Ranpo's typical affectation of eccentric genius.
In truth, you had come to rely on the warmth of Ranpo's companionship more than you cared to admit aloud. His humor, intellect, and strangely caring soul turned out to be curiously addictive sources of comfort and joy in your life. You never felt more understood and accepted than in Ranpo's presence.
Which is why his recent behavioral transformation had been so jarring and difficult for you to process...
It had started with a series of oddly averted glances and awkward fumbles for excuses to exit your company sooner than usual. You tried to brush it off at first, assuming Ranpo was merely sweeping into another of his eccentricities. But the distancing only increased, to the point where he was now actively dodging any attempts at casual conversation or even making eye contact when circumstances demanded you be in the same room together.
Puzzled and more than a little hurt, you found yourself riddled with self-doubt. Had you somehow committed a social transgression severe enough to make even your closest friend recoil? You wracked your brain but could find no rational explanation for why Ranpo had suddenly started treating you with such stilted formality and emotional distance. All you knew was that you ached for the lack of his easy presence and playful teasing.
Finally, after nearly three weeks of such inexplicable strain between you two, you could bear it no longer. You cornered Ranpo in the quiet study he had appropriated as his makeshift office den, where he jumped nearly a foot in the air upon your unannounced entrance.
"Ranpo-kun..." You fought to keep your tone calm and even rather than berating as you might have preferred. "We need to talk. About what's going on between us."
The brown-haired detective blinked owlishly before visibly attempting to smooth his features into a more insouciant mask. Still, you caught the fractional wince and throat-clearing before he responded in that deliberately arch lilt, "Whatever could you mean? Nothing at all is amiss between us, my dear friend. I've simply been preoccupied with an especially vexing case as of late that has demanded the entirety of my mental faculties, that's all..."
You leveled Ranpo with a deeply skeptical look, refusing to allow him to deflect and dissemble so easily. Not when it came to the sudden, painful rift forming between the two of you.
"Don't give me that, Ranpo," you stated, taking a few steps further into his private study so you could properly face him without obstruction. "We've known each other too long for me to buy such a blatant attempt at feigning nonchalance."
You watched the glass-smooth mask Ranpo tried so hard to maintain develop the barest perceptible fracture at your reproving words. His emerald gaze skittered away from your probing stare, adam's apple bobbing with an audible swallow as his fingers toyed agitatedly with the spine of whatever book he'd been pretending to read.
A tiny, insistent kernel of hurt took root in your chest at his obvious discomfort simply being in your presence these days. What had happened to your once-effortless rapport? You found yourself yearning with almost physical desperation to call back the easy camaraderie and playful teasing that had become such an ingrained, cherished part of your daily life.
"Ranpo..." You tried again, allowing a slight huskiness of pleading to unmask your voice this time. "Please, just tell me what's wrong? Why are you shutting me out like this? Have I...have I done something to offend you somehow? You know I would never intentionally—"
"No!" The explosive syllable had your teeth clicking shut in surprise as Ranpo abruptly dropped all pretenses, his countenance suffused with unmistakable anguish. "No, you've done nothing wrong at all. This, this distancing...it's entirely my own failing I'm afraid."
Despite the perdurable reassurance, your frown only deepened at the haggard edge clouding Ranpo's expression as he spoke. You waited with a weighty pause, sensing there was more the brilliant detective wished to divulge. And indeed, after toying with the pen in his hand for a few tense heartbeats, Ranpo seemed to come to a resolution.
"Tell me..." His gaze finally met yours again, and you felt your breath hitch at the sheer, unguarded molten heat searing through his irises. "Have you ever been, ah, afflicted...by a truth so paradoxical and compelling that it becomes nigh impossible to properly puzzle out or ignore, no matter how deliriously one might wish to do so?"
The words were so quintessentially Ranpo - profoundly cerebral to the point of near-incomprehensibility. And yet, you found yourself intuiting the deeper, infinitely more visceral layer of suggestion roiling just beneath his flowery prevarication.
Arousal, white-hot and illicit, licked through your veins as you held Ranpo's smoldering stare. Your throat worked convulsively against the desire to clear it while he watched you with that smoldering, leonine intensity further reducing your higher reasoning functions to cinders.
Finally, after what felt like an eon of crackling tension, you managed a faintly croaked, "I... I think I understand what you're trying to say, sort of..."
Surprise and dark approval warred over Ranpo's expression at your ambiguous acknowledgment. His free hand clenched at his side as though restraining the base prompting to reach for you, and you held your breath at the burning promise contained in that simple, abortive movement.
When Ranpo spoke again, his timbre was rendered low and husky with undisguised yearning. "Deduce this for me then, my dear friend...what sort of 'affliction' has been plaguing my thoughts and compelled me to shamefully withdraw from your brilliant presence as of late?" His eyes held yours as though they could convey all the scorching, ravenous desire and conflict roiling through that peerless psyche.
You swallowed thinly as your overheated senses catalogued the overall picture Ranpo was suggesting - his tormented avoidance, his thinly veiled innuendos about tantalizing, impossible truths, his mercurial shifts from anguish to intensity to open temptation as he devoured you with that ravenous stare. So much began to make a dizzying, dangerous sort of sense, unlocking new, forbidden dimensions in your relationship that you had never allowed yourself to fully acknowledge until now.
Still, more than anything, you craved to unravel this mystery laid before you in all its salacious, intoxicating totality. So you met Ranpo's burning look with one of your own guileless yearning and uttered in a breathless rasp:
"Very well...challenge accepted. I'll deduce the desire you've been so tirelessly trying to deny, Ranpo. For now."
Ranpo's eyes glittered with undisguised relish at your bold acceptance of his cryptic challenge. You could practically see the gears turning behind that peerless intellect as he avidly drank in your rapt, guileless expression of determination.
"Excellent," he purred in that effortless baritone of his, somehow rendering the simple affirmation into a darkly evocative caress. "Then allow me to start providing you with some...initial clues to unravel this deliciously paradoxical conundrum I've found myself in."
With casual, unhurried grace, Ranpo circled behind you so his presence was a scorching imprint against your back. You stifled a small shudder at the overwhelming mahogany and clove essence of his cologne that always managed to leave you just a touch light-headed.
His palm came to rest at the elegant curve of your waist, his deceptively slight frame radiating banked heat that seemed to scorch straight through the thin material of your blouse. You felt his lips, plush and soft, brush whisper-light against the sensitive whorls of your ear as he murmured in a molten undertone, "Tell me, have you perhaps noticed any...changes in my typical patterns of behavior beyond the distance? Any indications that something preternatural has been plaguing my restive mind as of late?"
Despite the innocuous phrasing, the timbre of Ranpo's words leaked unmistakable layers of carnal suggestion that had your skin prickling with gooseflesh. Coupled with the torturous graze of his breath fanning over your throat and the possessive drift of his fingertips drawing nonsensical patterns along your side, you felt utterly suffused by his masculine presence in a way you had never fully appreciated until now.
You struggled to collect your scattered thoughts enough to consider Ranpo's cryptic prompt. Had you noticed any peculiarities in his behavior aside from the unexplained avoidance that had sparked this entire situation? Now that you focused, casting your mind back over recent observations while firmly ignoring how Ranpo's thumbs had begun tracing feather-light, searing circles over your hipbones, you recalled a few...instances.
"Well," you finally managed in a slightly husky tone, proud that you only stuttered minutely over the words, "Now that you mention it, I do remember a few times recently where you seemed...distracted. Flushed, even, despite the room being perfectly temperate. And your breathing would become rather unsteady at seemingly random moments."
You felt more than heard the quiet rumble of approval against your back as Ranpo hummed his affirmation, his exhalations drifting hot and damp over your pulse point in a way that threatened to completely unhinge your powers of concentration.
"Very good, very astute deductions so far," he praised in a voice gone low and heavy with undisguised wanting. "And did any other...physical tells accompany these momentary lapses, I wonder? Some sign of burning distraction, perhaps? An inability to fully conceal certain aspects of my usual disciplined control?"
The words were cloaked in academic impartiality, but the sinuous inference lacing every syllable made your thighs squeeze convulsively together as you pieced together the image Ranpo was so delectably, dangerously insinuating. You sucked in a sharp breath, heat lancing riotously through your body.
"I...I believe so, yes," you whispered throatily. "There were times where your pupils would dilate unnaturally, your breathing turned shallow, and a faint sheen of exertion gleamed over your brow despite an obvious lack of any taxing mental or physical stimuli."
Ranpo released a shuddering exhalation against the slender column of your throat that had you reflexively arching with tangible yearning. His fingers traced back up your sides, tantalizingly close to the swell of your breasts, before reversing their path almost punitively. You bit your lip to stifle a desperate whimper, and felt the distinct twitch of reaction against the rigid plains of his abdomen pressed to the small of your back.
"Oh, you are good at this game, aren't you?" He growled with clear, undisguised approval and answering desire flooding his tone. "What other salacious conclusions can you intuit from these lascivious hints I've been providing? I beg you to exercise that matchless intuition to its fullest, because I absolutely crave to hear you give proper definition aloud to the desire rapidly becoming my undoing..."
The challenge Ranpo issued proved as maddeningly elusive as the brilliant detective himself over the following days. You found yourself utterly consumed by the delicious vexation of attempting to unravel the inscrutable riddle Ranpo kept dangling with teasing hints and loaded innuendos.
At times his clues came in the form of brooding stares that lingered a beat too long, his silvery gaze drifting over your form with a heavy-lidded promise you couldn't quite decipher. Like he was committing your every line and curve to the ruthlessly methodicalprocessings of his formidable intellect through those mercurial depths. You shivered at the thought, uncertain whether it thrilled or unnerved you more.
Other times, Ranpo's provocations took on a more overt, sensual tilt. You'd catch the Detective Prince's throat working subtly as you laughed and joked together like old times, feel his eyes track the reflexive motion with raptor-like intensity. More than once, he seemed to drift closer until the clove-and-mahogany richness of his cologne threatened to utterly intoxicate your senses.
"Ranpo?" You found yourself murmuring on one such occasion, very much cognizant of how his dilated pupils followed the rise and fall of your chest. "Is everything...okay?"
Rather than answer directly, he simply hummed a low, rumbly acknowledgment that vibrated straight through to settle liquid-hot in your lower belly. You tried not to squirm beneath the laser focus of his rapt regard, feeling somewhat like a specimen being ruthlessly catalogued and deconstructed for careful study.
"You seem..." The words caught in your suddenly dry throat as Ranpo leaned fractionally closer, his thumb grazing over the thundering leap of your pulse point with maddening suggestion. "...distracted."
The only response was another indecipherable, baritone rumble, but this time the heat in his eyes unmistakably spiked. You finally regained enough of your faculties to stammer a hasty excuse and retreat from the powderkeg of tension sparking between you both. But not before catching the bare hint of a smug, knowing smile ghosting over Ranpo's sensuous lips for just a breath.
Much later, in the quiet, still hours before dawn, you found your restless mind replaying that freighted moment over and over again. You tossed and turned, highly aware of the burn of arousal slowly simmering through your system as it gradually dawned on you.
All of Ranpo's veiled remarks, evasions, and simmering looks over the past while - they added up to a single, heady conclusion too illicit and tantalizing to fully credit even as it pulsed through your thoughts. As preposterous as it seemed, the weight of the detective's heated stares and suggestive innuendos hinted that his much-vaunted deductive logic had somehow become...consumed.
With thoughts of an increasingly intimate, fevered bent centered entirely around your most elemental reactions and fantasies.
Images unbidden began to assault your whirling mind then - Ranpo tossing in his sweat-soaked sheets, utterly assailed by improbable visions of deduction taken to its carnal limits. You pictured his quickened breath catching on a moan as he imagined uncovering every hidden, shameful secret of your body's deepest wants. His graceful hands wandering over heated expanses of bare skin as he sought clue after clue to chart the gasping pathways that led you unraveled and shuddering beneath him...
You awoke with a strangled cry on your lips, rendered tacky with sweat and near-delirious with need in the aftermath of that torrid fantasy. As improbable as it seemed, some part of you couldn't reject the notion that Ranpo had been pursuing a more...intimate understanding as of late. And based on the relentless tensions sparked between you, he seemed resolutely committed to achieving nothing less than your complete surrender so he could study the matter exhaustively.
The thought alone made a shudder of yearning convulse through you, leaving you profoundly unsettled and burning with a gnawing, thirsty curiosity. Just how far would the Detective Prince pursue the sublime riddles your body seemed to present him with?
And could you truly find the willpower to deny indulging whatever fevered, fastidious measures Ranpo wished to exercise in unraveling those delicious mysteries for himself?
With each passing day, Ranpo's smoldering looks and heated provocations descended into brasher, utterly unsubtle insinuations. While you had initially deduced that the incandescent Detective Prince was wrestling with scorching visions of an intimate, carnal nature centered around you, it gradually became apparent there were even more profoundly illicit dimensions to his forbidden reveries.
He wanted you to extrapolate the embroidered details, the lush sensory fantasies plaguing his unconscious mind with visceral need. Ranpo wished for nothing less than your complete discernment of every sordid image and dark craving that had awakened his body thrumming with desperation upon daybreak.
The evidence came in the form of lingering, assessing glances that drifted over the exposed lines of your throat and collarbones with shockingly rapacious heat. Ranpo made no attempts to conceal the undisguised wanting that flooded his expression whenever you unconsciously wet your lips or arched your back in an absent stretch, emphasizing your feminine curves before his hooded, devouring stare.
"Got a clue yet as to what's been tormenting me?" Ranpo would murmur on such occasions, his voice rendered low and husky with banked intensity. You'd freeze in instinctive response, feel your pupils blowing wide as your senses became hyper aware of the whisper-light scratch of your shirt fabric over your nipples, now peaking betrayingly under his incendiary scrutiny.
All you could manage was a strangled hum of acknowledgment as he stalked closer, seemingly to emphasize the added inches of height he held over your suitably disheveled form. The mahogany-and-clove tang of his cologne was heady in the minuscule space separating you, searing the insides of your nostrils, the latent promise in the set of his broad shoulders and tautly corded forearms as they twitched infinitesimally with the obvious effort of restraint.
"Do be more specific, won't you?" He purred, smooth as velvet and just as rich in the underlying implication. "I require your observations in extraneously vivid detail, so I can fully immerse myself in the...depraved scenery unfolding through that peerless intuition of yours. Don't spare me any of those delicious, poetic descriptions."
And like an iridescent vision pulled directly from the lurid seance haunting Ranpo's unconscious, you began to glimpse the full breadth of longing and forbidden temptation tangling his preternatural deductive mind in frantic knots.
You saw him shuddering awake in the dead of night, sheets clinging damply to his sweat-slicked, naked torso as he desperately sought to cling to the receding remnants of dreams that stirred with your every moan and shudder undulating against him. Imagined the searing stroke of his fingertips roaming over the mental topography of your quivering, splayed form as he catalogued every slick, trembling inch.
Dexterous hands methodically divesting you of all adornments before his singleminded, deductive focus. Elegant, kissable lips tracing a scorching path over your most intimate secrets, no possible shroud or compunction left to conceal the scope of your body's rapture from his ruthless, unflinching regard.
You found yourself utterly undone by these incendiary visions bleeding over into your waking reality in shockingly lurid detail. Your breaths grew shallow and uneven, nipples straining against thin fabric as Ranpo continued his relentless study and your imagination showed no signs of yielding.
Finally, he leaned in so unbearably near that the brush of his lips against your heated cheek felt like a brand. "If you're going to provide me with a thoroughly immersive reconstruction," he rumbled with dark bedroom timbre, "Then I desperately require a first-hand account your rapturous undoing made as the full thrust of my interrogation bore down on you..."
A whimpery moan nearly broke free from the cage of your constricted throat at those words, your entire being flashing alight with the visceral understanding of what torrid fantasies held Ranpo so completely transfixed as of late. He craved the consummate panoramic of ecstacy warring over your naked expression as you surrendered every filthy, lewd revelation scrap by scrap in delirious fealty to the unflinching intensity of his carnal inquest.
And based on the fevered look scorching his features as he drank in your guileless realization, Ranpo meant to allow for absolutely no evasions or half-measures in the pursuit of such lurid deductions.
"Enough dancing around it," Ranpo growled, his eyes blazing with undisguised hunger. "I want you to know exactly what kind of filthy dreams you've been starring in night after night."
You felt a full-body flush at his blunt words, trembling slightly as he closed the distance between you with predatory intent. His hands settled dominantly on your hips, thumbs stroking possessive arcs over the jut of bone.
"I wake up absolutely soaked, aching and painfully hard," Ranpo rasped against the heated shell of your ear. "All from visions of stripping you bare and tasting every single inch of your pretty little body."
A shocked whimper escaped your lips at the unvarnished carnality of his confession. You could feel his erection pressing insistently against your abdomen as he rolled his hips with dark promise.
"That's right, baby..." he purred in a tone made husky and seductive with naked want. "I've spent night after night imagining burying my face between those soft thighs, lapping up your sweet cream until you're squirming and mewling on my tongue."
You were panting harshly now, your body utterly aflame at the vivid, filthy descriptions tumbling so casually from the normally unflappable detective's lips. Ranpo seized the back of your neck in a dominant grasp, forcing you to meet his darkly salacious stare.
"And that's just the start," he promised in a gravelly tone that made your core absolutely throb. "Once I've loosened you up nice and sloppy, I'm going to bury this thick cock so deep inside you won't remember your own name."
Your eyes fluttered shut in a dizzying wave of wanton arousal at the absolutely indecent images he was invoking in such frank, explicit detail. You could practically feel the delirious stretch and burn from his impressive girth claiming your body so dominantly, so unrelentingly.
"That's it, sweetheart..." Ranpo's voice dropped to a gruff timbre of pure sin as he guided your shaking hand down to palm the rigid, throbbing length straining against his trousers. "Get a good feel for how hard I've been for you, how badly I'm gonna rail that greedy little pussy and stuff you absolutely full of my cum."
You cried out shamelessly at the graphic promise, hips jerking in mindless need against his calloused fingers now rubbing searingly over the damp crotch of your underwear. This was far beyond any provocation or innuendo - Ranpo was utterly unfurling the darkest, most depraved and sordid temptations that had gripped his subconscious night after night.
"So tell me..." he rasped hoarsely against the sheen of perspiration beading over your collarbone. "Now that I've properly educated you in the true nature of my lascivious dreams...are you going to be a good girl and let me live them all out in vivid, unrepentant detail?"
You could only whine and nod frantically, utterly transfixed and inflamed with unrestrained yearning to make this profane reality. Ranpo answered with a feral growl of approval.
"That's what I like to hear..." He yanked you harshly into the scalding brand of his lean musculature, teeth scoring biting kisses up the fevered line of your throat. "Now be a good little pet and start undressing...because I'm not stopping until I've explored and defiled every single one of your most shameless erotic mysteries."
Ranpo's ravenous words and commanding touch left you utterly undone and compliant as warm putty in his capable hands. You found yourself frantically divesting of clothing at his guttural urging, fevered desperation thrumming through your veins at the promise of experiencing firsthand the lurid fantasies that had plagued the brilliant detective's unconscious.
Soon you stood flushed and quivering in just your underwear, breath catching at the sheer heat and intensity blazing through Ranpo's lidded gaze as he drank in the sight of you revealed. His tongue swept deliberately over his lower lip as his eyes roamed with undisguised possession and longing over every newly bared inch.
"Exquisite..." he husked in a voice rendered gravel-rough from the strain of his carefully leashed desire. "Though perhaps we ought to remove these last scraps as well before indulging in the real main event, hmm?"
You bit back a shuddering moan at the blatant implication, fingers already hooking into the flimsy lace to comply. But Ranpo's hands seized your wrists in a punishing grip, halting your movements as he stepped in to loom over your suddenly diminutive frame with dark promise.
"Allow me," he growled in a tone that brokered no argument as he brought your hands up to bracket his shoulders instead.
The first intimate brush of your heated skin against his clothed chest and arms left you dizzy with acute sensitivity and gnawing craving. You shivered and swayed instinctively nearer as Ranpo leisurely trailed his fingertips in a feather-light glide down over the swell of your breasts and along the feminine flare of your waist. His blazing regard remained riveted on the journey of his exploring hands, flagrantly studying your every reactive shudder and quickly becoming mottled flesh with raptor intensity.
"My my..." he tsked softly, voice gone dark velvet and rich with undisguised sin as he hooked into the flimsy elastic of your underwear. "How utterly responsive and primed you are already, my dear...and we've barely even made the barest start toward enacting the wet dreams I've been forced to endure night after endless night."
With one smooth, unhurried motion, Ranpo divested you fully of your last tatters of concealment. The humid caress of air over your newly bared skin made you suck in a sharp breath, hips jerking reactively in seeking of some relief for the steadily mounting ache between your slickened folds. Relief that Ranpo looked eminently prepared to provide as he took a measured step back, sweeping you from crown to soles with a look positively blazing with carnal appreciation.
"Just as spectacular to apprehend in the flesh as my unconscious recreations dared dream..." he rumbled in a tone of quiet rapture, flexing his hands at his sides as if warring against the urge to touch. "But perhaps we ought to take things a bit further before I utterly ravish you, hmm?"
You were trembling oxygenless pants by the time Ranpo made languid, methodical work of stripping away his own concealing layers, unveiling the taut, lean musculature of his naked form to your prey-whetting inspection. By the time he finally stood fully and gloriously undressed, his substantial arousal stood flushed and iron-proud from the nexus of his thighs, you were an utter shuddering wreck of anticipation and need.
With smoldering intent, Ranpo stalked forward until all you could see, hear, and taste was the banked promise of his raw masculinity consuming your senses entirely. His motions were those of a jungle cat unhurriedly cornering its hapless quarry - controlled and weighted with imminent danger.
"I want to hear you..." he commanded in a hoarse timbre of pure sin. One large palm flattened scorchingly over the frantic kick of your pulse while the other boldly cupped and kneaded the soft weight of your breast. "I want to hear you moaning and crying out like you do in my dirty dreams. Don't hold back any of those delicious little whimpers when I finally get my hands on this body that's been driving me crazy with need."
Then his mouth was on you, claiming your lips with an utterly shameless and unapologetically greedy kiss that sent you reeling. Your mind stuttered to a halt as his tongue swept over yours in a slick, velvety glide that had your knees buckling beneath you. Only the firm band of his arm across the small of your back kept you upright as his other hand continued its sinful exploration.
Ranpo's palm felt searing hot as it traveled over the smooth expanse of your belly and down to cup the curve of your ass. You moaned into the kiss as he squeezed and groped shamelessly, fingers dipping in the crease and teasing just shy of your dripping entrance. He swallowed down your gasp with a rumbling purr, his mouth continuing to ravage and dominate yours until you were clinging weakly to his broad shoulders for support.
When he finally broke the kiss, you were left gasping and dizzy, utterly boneless in the wake of his masterful touch. Ranpo's lips skated a scalding path down the side of your neck, pausing to nip and suck at the hollow where your pulse thundered. He pressed open-mouthed, bruising kisses over the tops of your breasts, the edge of his teeth and tongue rasping against your nipples until they were tight, aching peaks.
Your body burned and yearned, reduced to a molten, incandescent puddle under his expert attentions. When Ranpo finally lifted his head to fix you with a dark, lust-blown stare, his breathing was harsh and unsteady, his skin flushed and shining with a fine sheen of sweat. You knew you must look an utterly debauched, wanton mess, and the knowledge had something primal and savage igniting in his eyes.
"Tell me, sweetheart..." he growled low and hungry, the pads of his thumbs grazing in maddening circles over the sensitive inner skin of your thighs. "Have you figured it out yet? The reason why I've been so damnably, insufferably restless and agitated as of late?"
You could only whimper, your mind utterly scrambled and addled from the onslaught of his touch. Ranpo chuckled darkly, his hands moving inexorably upward until they were ghosting feather-light over the feverish, slick heat of your pussy.
"The answer should be simple enough for even you to deduce, my dear..." he purred in a honeyed timbre that vibrated straight through to your core. "The fact is, you've been plaguing my waking thoughts and unconscious desires with an infuriatingly relentless persistence. So much so that I'm absolutely compelled to explore and satisfy each and every one of the torrid scenarios that have been playing out through my subconscious as of late."
Ranpo punctuated his claim with the slow, deliberate glide of two fingers along your slit, gathering the slickness pooling at your entrance. He swirled the tips in a lazy circle over your clit, making your hips jerk uncontrollably as your body sang in ecstacy.
"But more than that..." he continued in a voice rendered rough with naked, visceral wanting. "I'm utterly compelled to indulge in the filthy, depraved fantasy of you being spread out and helpless before me, allowing me to do whatever I want to this pretty little body of yours. Allowing me to completely defile and deflower you."
The words alone had your walls clenching, desperate for the thick, hard stretch of him spearing you open and filling you to the hilt. Ranpo rumbled a dark, approving noise deep in his chest, the sound resonating through you until your legs were practically shaking with the need to have him inside.
"You want it too, don't you, sweetheart?" he murmured with quiet conviction. "You want to feel the obscene, dirty, ungodly pleasure of me plowing this tight cunt with every inch of my thick cock."
Your answering moan was utterly broken, breathy and shameless. You were completely unraveled, ready to beg for anything and everything Ranpo could give. He rewarded you with another searing, open-mouthed kiss that left you seeing stars.
"So let's start making the illicit reality match the deliciously torrid fantasy," he whispered against your lips. "Every filthy fucking fantasy I’ve had about this tight, needy pussy has been a variation on the same theme. That you're going to spread these pretty thighs and let me fuck you absolutely senseless. And that starts with you bending over the desk, presenting this gorgeous little ass to me while I bury myself in this greedy, soaked little cunt."
The command brooked no argument, the unflinching dominance behind the words making your cunt positively throb. You were dimly aware of him steering you over to the nearby desk, maneuvering you into position with firm, unyielding hands.
Ranpo's fingers danced and teased, spreading the lips of your cunt and rubbing in gentle, teasing strokes against your entrance. He dipped in just enough to gather a few drops of slick, slathering them up and down the length of his thick cock. Then you felt the hot, blunt head press insistently against your folds.
"Remember what I said before, sweetheart..." Ranpo crooned dark and seductive, one hand splaying possessively over the small of your back as he lined himself up. "I'm not stopping until I've had you screaming and squirting all over this cock. Until you've given me the full, unfettered experience of your orgasm wracking this body, making you shake and shudder on my dick."
His free hand landed a stinging slap on the rounded curve of your ass, making you gasp and jolt. The slight shift of movement made the tip of his cock push past your entrance, stretching and burning as it slowly sank into the velvety clutch of your core.
You cried out at the delicious, agonizingly slow burn, feeling every inch of him impaling you as his hips rolled with measured control. He bottomed out with a low growl of satisfaction, his fingers digging into your hips as he began to slowly pump his length in and out.
"Oh yes..." Ranpo groaned, his eyes hooded and heavy with lust as he gazed down at where you were stretched and straining around his thick shaft. "Fuck, sweetheart, you feel even better than I dreamed."
You keened and writhed, struggling to take the immense, overwhelming pressure and stretch. Ranpo leaned down, pressing his chest against your back and molding your body to his. His hips never stilled their torturously unhurried pace, pumping in slow, deep strokes.
"You're being such a good little detective's pet for me," he purred against the shell of your ear, the praise making you whimper and clench involuntarily. Ranpo hummed his approval, his pace picking up incrementally as he drove you to the brink of madness.
"I'm going to make you come like this, sweetheart..." he murmured in a voice gone husky and low with carnal intent. "I'm going to fuck this sweet little cunt until you're screaming and gushing all over me. Then I'm going to bend you over and breed you so thoroughly, you'll feel the slick, wet mess leaking out of you for days."
You whimpered at the filthy promises, your cunt clenching greedily around him at the thought. Ranpo snarled and fucked harder, his cock driving deeper and harder with each snap of his hips. You could feel yourself hurtling toward the edge, your legs beginning to shake as the coil in your lower belly wound tighter and tighter.
"That's it, sweetheart..." Ranpo encouraged, his voice rough with the strain of holding back his own release. "Let go for me, let me feel that pussy squeezing around my cock. Show me how hard you can come on my dick."
You came with a wail, the coil snapping violently and sending you crashing over the edge. Ranpo fucked you through it, his thrusts losing rhythm as his control slipped.
"Oh, fuck..." he groaned, his grip tightening as his hips snapped forward, his cock twitching inside you. You could feel the warm, wet rush of his release flooding you, stuffing you full of his cum.
It was several long moments before you could catch your breath, both of you slumped over the desk, still joined together. You whimpered softly as Ranpo slowly pulled out, his hands immediately sliding over the round swell of your ass.
"Such a good pet," he murmured, his thumb dipping down to stroke your entrance. "So wet and messy for me. But I'm not done with you yet."
Ranpo straightened, tugging on your arm until you turned and faced him. "That was only the recreation of one dream. We still have many more to work through. On your knees."
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cowgirlcasanova · 4 months ago
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I made the mistake of clicking on a link to a reddit thread about abigail marston.
the way the men on there talk about her makes me physically feel sick. the names they call her, the way they describe her and john’s relationship, the way they constantly bring up her past in a negative way.
They seem to lack any and all artistic thinking skills. to me, one of the main points of media and art is how you’re supposed to analyze and discover the things they aren’t outright said. You have to dig a little deeper, you have to actually think. The people on that godforsaken website seem to just not have/be able to do that!
abigail was a prostitute. yes, we all know this men of reddit and it’s okay! please shut up about it!!!!
she was also an orphan, even worse for the time, an orphaned girl. she had little to no opportunities in the world she was born into. EVEN JOHN KNOWS THIS. “she’s a woman in a man’s world” and they act personally offended on johns behalf. john was an orphan too, i can promise you he understands how hard it is to survive and he doesn’t look down on her! Not that it even begins to matter if john or anyone else “understands” her reasoning for her choice of survival. It doesn’t. it simply matters that abigail was incredibly strong throughout that time of her life and rest. she survived and did whatever she could to and that is to be appreciated.
These men seem to have this one single idea that “abigail was prostitute so john thought baby not his cause so many men 🤓” SHUT. UP. no actually that was so much more actually john not ready to be a father and being afraid of himself!!!! honestly speaking, the entirety of that situation has very little to do with abigail herself. but no they’ll never understand that because it was written out in black and white and you may have to think a little to get to that conclusion. not to mention, they could never accept it because then john marston wouldn’t be as “alpha” BE QUIET IM BEGGING YOU.
the way they discuss abigail and uncle made my skin crawl. there is nothing else said about that relationship, there is no one specific cannon explanation as to how or why they knew each other. but the men i saw discussing it said such disgusting and vulgar things about how uncle “reallyyy knew abigail”. truly horrifying. There’s so many different ways they could’ve crossed paths. she was a prostitute but that’s not all she was. she was still a woman, a person. i can assure you she had other hobbies and activities that she did, that she enjoyed doing.
not to mention how it seems to be such an odd and disgusting fantasy for them that “everyone in the gang had abigail” i hate to break it to you but no they didn’t! Now this is up for debate for a lot of people and i actually want to make an entire post just dedicated to this. When looking at both instances where that was said, it was purposely said to hurt john and throw him off. not to mention, abigail was never around when it was said. There wasn’t an instance of anyone saying it in camp or even throwing an insult to john about it in rdr2. hmmm i wonder why that is????? Bill said it to make him stumble and dutch said it because he knows john and he knows how to hit him where it hurts. But, i don’t think any of it is true. of course no internet bro is going to actually think into enough to even be curious so!
abigail marston is someone to be admired. someone who persevered as much as any man in that gang but she doesn’t get the same appreciation. she probably had to work just as hard if not harder than some of the men just to stay alive in her youth. Abigail marston is not a nag, she’s not annoying, she’s not “mean” to john. take a step back and look at what she’s responding to and give her the same grace you give arthur and john. “oh well arthur just had a hard time showing emotions because of the way he was raised” “oh john couldn’t deal with everything so he ran away for a little bit it’s okay.” let abigail have that same grace.
so sorry this was not meant to be this long. clearly it has been nagging at me. if you read this love you and love abigail marston!
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seamsterslocal · 1 year ago
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summer binder picture tutorial
this is the third binder ive made for myself recently and the first one i’m writing up. it’s designed to do a few things: 1) allow me to put it on by myself without dislocating my shoulders 2) allow me to breathe well enough to partake in normal activity 3) be cool enough to wear throughout a muggy 90-100F summer 4) not constrict my ribs in a way that aggravates my lack of connective tissue and causes intense pain.
this has become necessary even though i had top surgery many years ago, because when i had it i was extremely skinny and since then i’ve increased in size by about 50%. this has been really fucking good for my health in every single way* except that when my chest is squishy or moves at all it’s So Goddamn Triggering for me. but also since ive had top surgery ive developed and/or been made away of a plethora of chronic conditions that make every single commercially available binding option medically impossible. unbound, my chest is pretty much what you’d expect for a chubby cis guy but venturing out into the world in just a tshirt no longer works for me
*anyone who badmouths weight gain or fat bodies in the notes WILL be blocked
under the cut are a bunch of process pictures and explanations of what they all mean:
first i’ll give you a look at the pieces and measurements:
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most of the seams are sewn in this picture and one half is turned inside out, allowing you to see both the finished dimensions (right) and the placement of the fusible horsehair canvas that gives this lil scrap of linen any structure at all (left)
to get your chest measurement, you’re gonna have to do some math:
first measure above and below what you want to bind. average these numbers. mine are something like 32 and 34, which average to 33. subtract a few inches--this is to allow the air movement between the laces at center front and back, critical in the summertime. i deleted 3 inches bc i like that number but you can go bigger if you want. the more inches you subtract here, the more youll be able to ratchet all your chest material down later, but at the same time you need to leave enough fabric for a sturdy garment. let’s say a range of 2-6 inches/5-15cm. by taking your measurements this way, you’re essentially measuring the chest you would like to have. that + the horsehair canvas work together to compress any squishy tissue/force anything that doesnt compress up and to the outside (basically into the armpit/lower shoulder--the chest might stick out but it will give a very puffed chest captain america pectoral silhouette)
you can also see how ive clipped my curves and pre-drilled my lacing holes. i used the marlin spike on my knife to open up the holes on the interfacing side, mainly as a way of marking them. this worked well bc the interfacing’s glue kept the linen from raveling
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this is the same stage but looking at the non-interfaced grey linen/cotton blend (the black is some 100% linen from my cabbage stash). you can see ive broken the solar-plexus-to-back measurement up into a bunch of pieces to save on fabric but that’s not necessary. my original pattern was just two pieces (front and back) and chopping the straps into thirds on both sides was aesthetic
in the following picture you can really see how this is really just overgrown regency stays:
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i thought about doing side lacing but didn’t think that would be comfortable for me. on the front, the side seam allowance was pressed inwards before turning to create a finished looking slot. on the back the side seam is left unfinished with an extra wide seam allowance, and is inserted into that slot.
here’s a closeup on it pinned in place (you can adjust the angle of the side seam and the fit during this pinning stage):
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that side seam was just topstitched in place once i had the fit how i liked it, and the armhole was reinforced with more topstitching
alright, time for eyelets: first, you can see how well the marking worked:
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next, two rows of basted eyelets (left), one row of eyelets sewn with a doubled and waxed cotton thread (center right), and one row of eyelets opened and stainless steel rings placed (right).
next time i’m going to mark the eyelets same as i did above, but do this step differently--i’ll mark and baste the steel rings in place BEFORE widening the eyelets. this is bc i had a lot of problems keeping the eyelets on center
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eyelets half done on this one! on the left are eyelets sewn with doubled and waxed cotton thread and on the right eyelets sewn with quadrupled and waxed thread. the center is basting again. i was able to force the holes back in line while sewing the eyelets but it was kinda annoying. adding a second picture that doesnt have great focus but hopefully shows how that process worked and shows the spike clearly
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i ended up using this white cotton thread because it’s stronger than my black cotton thread (which the rest of it is sewn with). [eta: after this was first posted, i pressed the whole thing heavily, which effectively de-waxed the thread, and i dyed the whole thing a medium charcoal grey, the thread blends in perfectly on the lighter side and isn’t such a sore thumb on the darker side]
bonus: the piecing layout for that little piece of strap. the whole light gray half of the binder was made from 1/2 of one of the legs i cut off some linen suit pants to make slutty camping shorts last year and i really really didn’t want to break into any of the other three halves for this garment--i have Plans for it
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overall the fit of this is incredible. it DOESNT hurt my ribs which every zip-up garment ive been able to find (and it is difficult) does due to really thick elastic at the base. it doesnt aggravate my sensory issues with the synthetic fibers that every commercial option is made of. i can walk up a hill or stairs, or go to pt, without getting too out of breath. i can eat with it tight, or loosen the front easily and without taking it off to make eating easier and less nausea-inducing. it is reversible!
best of all the lacing at the back gives the garment enough movement for me to get it on without dislocating, and the interfacing and steel rings give it structure once it’s on. the shaping comes only from fusible horsehair linen canvas and stainless steel rings like youd use for chainmail, there’s no boning at all, which makes it very quick to sew (except the eyelets, but metal grommets would be sturdy and quick provided theyre of good quality)
there’s a small amount of gaping on the outside of the shoulder strap, which i plan on fixing with a tiny tiny dart in the armpit, i want to add pockets to tuck the laces into, and i need a better lace for the back, but it’s completely wearable in time for the 90 weather next week which is all i wanted. i’ll do a reblog when it’s perfectly finished with an update on the fit but for now it is done enough 
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the little ridge where it doesnt lay flat against the shoulder is most visible with just a single t shirt over it. with a flannel or a sweater, it disappears, and by itself, it’s hidden in movement
eta: after dyeing this, i relaced it a bit looser in the back and that gape mainly disappeared. ive decided to leave it in instead of smoothing it with a dart because the loose fabric gives space for my chest to expand when breathing and shapes my silhouette in a way that emphasizes my shoulders
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doormatty3 · 5 months ago
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Onions and Orgasms (Orm Marius x Reader)
Masterlist Ao3
Ocean Eyes Masterlink
Summary
[Orm Marius x Female Reader] [Orm Marius x You] Being in a relationship with Orm is interesting, to say the least—he’s loving, kind, and undoubtedly overwhelmed by human customs. To help him adapt, you often cook together, showing him human traditions through the joy of making delicious food, something you have both grown fond of. Typically, his lack of kitchen knowledge and skills isn’t a big issue, but you soon discover that some food items need more explanation than you initially anticipated. OR: You laugh about Orm’s horrible kitchen skills, and he shows you with what he *is* skilled.
Wordcount: 7,362
Warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, creampie, vaginal sex, fluff, smut, dirty talk, fingering, orgasm denial, anal fingering, oral sex
A/N: I don't know what it is about Orm that just doesn't let me go... I had to write another story about him (I know exactly what it is - it's Patrick Wilson)
This is set after my Ocean Eyes story—you don't need to have read it, though. The only thing you need to know is that Orm and Reader-Chan are in a happy relationship, and Orm—well, he isn't that good with surface dweller stuff, but he tries.
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You know that Orm doesn't understand much about humans and their customs—you'd been living with the man for quite some time, and his antics are nothing new.
Though he tries and makes an effort for your sake, sometimes he even does it so well that you forget he is the former king of Atlantis. But other times, it is all too obvious that he is still a stranger to this world.
"Why must everything be cut into such small pieces, honey?" Orm asks, his tone filled with genuine curiosity as he concentrates on cutting vegetables. The two of you are cooking together, an activity that has become a cherished routine of your everyday life. It is in these quiet moments that Orm's sincere attempts to integrate into your world were most apparent. And not only did his efforts shine, but so did the love between you.
You look at him, a fond smile playing on your lips.
His brows are furrowed in deep concentration, and his unruly blond hair nearly reaches his nose now. His piercing blue eyes are focused on the small kitchen knife and the bell pepper he is meticulously slicing. The knife seems almost comically small in his large hands, and he grips it with such strength that you are surprised it hasn't broken yet.
It is somewhat amusing, considering how skilled he is with his trident compared to the struggle he faces just holding the knife properly.
"Because we're going to fry it, sweetheart," you explain gently, appreciating his efforts to learn. "Cutting the vegetables into smaller pieces helps them cook more evenly and quickly."
Orm nods slowly, processing the information. He glances at you, his expression a mix of determination and puzzlement. "Fry… that means to cook them in hot oil, right?"
"Exactly," you confirm, guiding him through the process. "It gives them a nice texture and flavour."
As he resumes cutting the bell pepper, pleased with your answer, you can't help but admire his dedication.
Orm, the fierce warrior who once ruled an underwater kingdom, now stands in your modest kitchen, struggling with the simple act of slicing vegetables. It is a testament to how much he cares about adapting to your world - about making a life with you.
You watch as he continues his task, his concentration unwavering.
Despite the awkwardness, there is just something endearing about his efforts. The way he holds the knife, the careful precision with which he makes each cut, and the slight furrow in his brow all speak of a man determined to master even the most mundane aspects of human life for the sake of the one he loves.
"You're doing great," you encourage, stepping closer to him. "Just a little more practice and you'll be a pro."
Orm glances up at you, and a small, sweet, appreciative smile tugs at the corners of his lips.
At that moment, you are once again mesmerised by how much you love him. The depth of your feelings seems to swell within you as if you are seeing him for the first time all over again. The love you feel for him is a constant, ever-growing force that never ceases to amaze you.
"Thank you," he says softly. "For being patient with me."
You reach out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from his eyes. "We're in this together, Orm. Every step of the way."
He smiles brightly at you, his eyes crinkling at the corners and sparkling like the smoothest water in sunlight before he returns his focus to slicing the last few pieces of bell pepper.
When he is done with the paprika, Orm hands you the bowl, his eyes meeting yours with a look of accomplishment. You take it from him with a grateful smile.
"Thanks," you say, putting the bowl away so you can use it for cooking later. "Can you cut the onions, love?" you ask, gesturing towards the small pile of onions on the counter.
His puzzled expression tells you he isn't sure which vegetable you mean, so you point at them and specify. "You have to peel them—the brown skin has to go. Then, dice the white part in small pieces."
Orm nods and grabs an onion, examining it closely before starting to peel. You watch as he works, his large hands moving slowly and carefully. It is kind of cute - the way he approaches this simple task with such determination.
He peels away the first layer, the dry, flaky skin falling away to reveal the smooth white beneath. As he begins to slice, his concentration deepens, his brows furrowing just as they had with the bell pepper.
After a few cuts, however, you hear him mutter a curse under his breath. Glancing over, you see him blinking rapidly, his eyes beginning to water.
Orm wipes his arm over his eyes, confusion etched on his face. "Why do my eyes hurt?" he asks, blinking more frequently now. Before you can warn him, he uses the same hand he had just cut the onion with to rub his eyes.
"Orm, no—" you start, but it is too late.
His eyes widen in pain, and he quickly withdraws his hand, the irritation clearly intensifying. Tears stream down his cheeks, not from emotion but from the sharp sting of the onions.
"Why… why am I crying?" he asks, bewildered, as he tries to blink away the tears. He brings his hand up again, clearly frustrated, and you quickly grab his arm to stop him.
"Sweetheart, you're making it worse," you say, unable to help the laugh that bubbles up. "Let me help you."
You grab a piece of tissue paper and go to the sink to dampen it. Then you dab it over his eyes, gently cleaning his hands as well.
He grumbles, clearly in a bad mood from the sting and the tears, and you can't help but laugh again. "The mighty Orm, taken down by a humble onion," you tease lightly.
Orm's expression darkens slightly, a mix of frustration and embarrassment, his brows knitting together in a grumpy frown. "This is ridiculous," he mutters, his pride clearly stung, but your laughter only intensifies.
Acting a bit condescending, you pat his cheek. "It's okay, sweetie. Onions can be tricky. Maybe next time I'll handle them - we'll find another battle for the fine Atlantean warrior."
His eyes flash with a mix of frustration and something deeper. Before you can react, he roughly presses you against the counter, his grip firm but not painful.
Orm's lips crash down on yours in a heated, possessive kiss. You gasp in surprise but quickly melt into the kiss, your hands coming up to rest on his broad chest.
When he finally pulls back a bit, his breathing is heavy, his eyes dark with unresolved tension. "Don't mock me," he says, his voice low and husky.
You look up at him, breathless and a little dazed from the unexpected kiss. "I wasn't—" you begin, but the words catch in your throat.
"You think this is funny?" he murmurs against your lips, his voice a low growl as he interrupts you. "I may not be skilled in the kitchen, but I'm skilled in getting you off."
Before you can respond or comprehend what he said, he kisses you again roughly, his hands roaming your body with a fervour that makes your heart race. You bury your hands in his blond hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepens.
It is intense and devouring.
You feel his tongue against yours, the insistent pressure of his lips sending shivers down your spine. Orm's kiss is demanding, almost punishing, and you meet it with equal passion, losing yourself in the moment. The sensation of his lips on yours, his hands exploring your body, is intoxicating. You cling to him, your fingers tangling in his hair, feeling the world blur around you.
His tongue teases and explores, sending waves of heat coursing through your body. You moan into his mouth, the sound muffled by his relentless assault. He growls in response, the vibration travelling through you and making you tremble.
Orm's hands slide down your back, gripping your waist with a possessive strength that leaves you breathless. His fingers dig into your hips, pulling you against him, the hardness of his body pressing into your softness. His tongue explores your mouth with an urgency that makes your knees weak, and you moan into the kiss again, your body responding eagerly to his touch as you clench your thighs, feeling yourself growing wet.
When Orm finally pulls back, his eyes are smouldering with renewed intensity. He doesn't move away from you; instead, he tightens his grip on your waist again, pressing you firmly against the counter. The heat of his body radiates through your clothes, and you can feel the raw power in his muscles as he holds you there, trapped between the cool surface of the counter and him.
"You drive me crazy," he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. His hands roam over your sides, tracing the curves of your body with a possessive hunger. "You laugh at me, but you have no idea what you do to me."
You shiver at his words, a thrill of excitement coursing through you. "Orm…" you whisper, your voice trembling with anticipation.
He silences you with another kiss, rough and demanding. His tongue explores your mouth with an urgency that causes your eyes to flutter closed as you respond eagerly, your hands clutching at his hair, his shoulders, anything to ground yourself in the whirlwind of sensation.
Orm's hands move with a new purpose, sliding under your shirt to caress the bare skin beneath. His touch is electric, sending shivers down your spine as he explores every inch of you. His fingers trace patterns over your back and sides, each touch leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.
He tugs at your shirt, lifting it over your head and tossing it aside, exposing your bare skin to his hungry gaze. His eyes darken with desire as he takes in the sight of you, his hands roaming over your now exposed breasts, his thumbs brushing over your sensitive nipples.
The sensation is almost too much, and you arch into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips as you respond in kind, moving your hands from his hair over his broad shoulders and biceps, feeling the strong muscles beneath his clothes.
He lifts you onto the counter with ease, his powerful hands gripping your waist firmly as he keeps his lips connected to yours.
He breaks the kiss just long enough to look at you for a second before his mouth descends on your neck.
He kisses and nibbles at your sensitive skin, his hands continuing their exploration of your body. His touch is both tender and demanding, a combination that leaves you aching for more. His breath is hot and tantalising, making you let out a breathy moan as your hands come up to touch his shoulders, feeling the hard muscles beneath his skin.
"You drive me wild," he murmurs against your neck, his voice a husky growl.
His hands move to your breasts, teasing them with a touch that sends shivers down your spine.
His fingers expertly trace circles around your nipples, each caress making them harden under his touch. You gasp, arching into him, your body responding eagerly to his ministrations, and you feel your pussy growing wet as arousal pulses through your veins. He growls appreciatively, his mouth moving lower, leaving a trail of kisses down your chest.
"Orm," you breathe, your voice a mixture of frustration and need.
He smiles against your skin, his lips trailing down to your chest. "You think it's funny to laugh at me, don't you?" he murmurs, his mouth closing over one nipple. He sucks gently, his tongue flicking over the sensitive peak, drawing a moan from your lips, your nails digging into his shoulders.
A whimper escapes you as he switches tactics, using his teeth to graze over your flesh with a delicious roughness, sending sparks of electricity coursing through your veins and making your clit throb. But then, just as quickly, he soothes the ache with a soothing stroke of his tongue, leaving you trembling with desire.
Your hands find their way to his hair, fingers tangling in the blond strands as you pull him closer, unable to contain the overwhelming need for him. "I'm sorry," you manage to gasp between ragged breaths, though your words are lost in the haze of pleasure.
"I'm not," he growls, lifting his head to look at you, his eyes blazing with a mixture of anger and desire. "You drive me mad."
He switches to the other breast, his mouth and hands working together to drive you wild as he sucks and nibbles on your sensitive nipple and kneads your tit with his hand. The sensation is overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and anticipation that makes you tremble. You can feel the heat building between your legs, your need for him growing with each passing second, slick against your underwear.
"You're mine," he whispers, his voice filled with a possessive intensity that makes your heart race. "All mine."
With that, he captures your lips in another searing kiss, his hands moving down to your waist, leaving your breasts aching as the cool air hits your wet, hard nipples. It's deep and consuming, a mix of hunger and tenderness that leaves you breathless and makes you moan into his mouth again.
You cling to him, your fingers tangling in his blond hair, pulling at the thick strands to drag him even closer as you lose yourself in the sensation of his mouth on yours.
Orm's fingers trail over your thighs, his touch light and teasing, driving you wild with anticipation. He spreads your legs wider, his eyes dark and predatory and a smirk on his lips as he takes in the sight of you.
"Orm, please," you whisper, your voice a desperate plea.
He smiles, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Patience," he murmurs, his lips brushing against your neck, sending waves of pleasure through you. "I want to savour this."
His hands roam over your thighs again, caressing and teasing, driving you to the brink of madness as his long fingers draw intricate patterns through the fabric of your clothes. Each touch is electric, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. His fingers dance closer and closer to your cunt, but he never quite touches you where you need him most.
You can't help but whimper, the sound a mix of frustration and desire.
There's a part of you that wishes you hadn't teased him so mercilessly about his lack of knowledge of cutting onions and kitchen skills in general. You know he's going to drag this out, making you suffer and beg instead of just giving you what you want.
Orm spreads your legs further, positioning himself between them. His large, calloused hands cup your face tenderly, guiding your gaze to meet his. You lift your hand to touch his stubbly cheek, running your thumb over it, and gaze into his blue eyes that are now dark and reflecting desire.
He closes his eyes, his impossibly long lashes resting against his cheeks as he lets out a sigh. He leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours. The sweet gesture makes your heart flutter in your chest, your love for him threatening to spill out.
"I love you," he murmurs, his breath warm against your lips. The sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten with emotion.
"I love you too," you whisper back, your voice trembling with the weight of your feelings.
Orm's hands move from your face, trailing down your neck, over your shoulders, and coming to rest on your breasts again. He squeezes them gently, his thumbs brushing over your sensitive nipples, sending shivers down your spine.
He kisses you again, deeply and passionately, his tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that matches your own. Every stroke of his tongue, every brush of his lips, is filled with an intense desire that makes your head spin. It's intoxicating, making you dizzy with want.
You feel his hard cock straining against his pants as he presses himself against you, making you whine with need. The pressure against your cunt is maddening, and you're sure you're wet enough to leave a spot on his pants, were you naked.
Orm's hands move with a deliberate slowness, heightening your anticipation.
He chuckles softly at your response, a low, rumbling sound that vibrates through your body. Pulling back just enough to gaze into your eyes, his hands begin their journey lower, gliding over your stomach until they reach the waistband of your pants.
He pulls them down slowly and with agonising patience, taking his time, his eyes never leaving yours. The anticipation is almost too much to bear, your body aching for his touch. Every inch of skin he reveals feels hypersensitive, exposed to the cool air and the heat of his stare.
Orm's smirk deepens as he slides your pants down, leaving you in just your underwear. His fingers continue their torturous teasing over the fabric, pressing and rubbing in just the right way to drive you wild. Your hips buck against his hand, seeking more friction, more contact, more anything , but he holds you steady, keeping control as you soak your panties even more.
"Do you like this?" he asks, his voice a low growl. "Do you like being teased ?"
You shake your head, unable to form words, your body writhing with need.
He finally slips his fingers beneath the fabric, touching your cunt directly, and the sensation is almost too much. You cry out, your back arching as his thumb finds your clit with practised ease and drags the rough pad over it in circles, finding a slow and perfect rhythm.
"You're perfect," he whispers, his voice filled with awe and adoration as he slows his movements even more before halting completely and pulling his hand from under your panties, making you whimper in protest.
You feel a blush creeping up your cheeks, but before you can say anything and protest properly, his hands are on you again, his fingers trailing over your thighs, spreading your legs wider. He leans in, his mouth hovering just above your skin, his breath hot and teasing.
He starts to kiss his way up your inner thigh, each touch sending jolts of pleasure through you, and you slump back onto the counter, keeping yourself upright by your arms.
His lips are soft and warm, his tongue darting out occasionally to taste your skin. The sensation is exquisite, making you squirm with need.
"Orm, please," you beg, your voice barely more than a whisper. "I need you."
He looks up at you, his eyes dark with desire and a hint of mischief. "Patience," he murmurs, his voice a deep, velvety growl. "I want to savour this."
He continues his slow, torturous journey up your thigh, his mouth finally reaching the apex. He pauses there, taking a moment to breathe in your scent, his hot breath ghosting over your panties and sending shivers down your spine.
Then he begins to kiss you through the thin fabric of your underwear, his tongue flicking over the damp cloth, tasting you in the most maddeningly indirect way possible. When his tongue finally presses against your neglected, throbbing clit, even through the fabric, you gasp loudly, your back arching off the counter.
His groan of appreciation reverberates through your pussy, sending vibrations that intensify the pleasure to dizzying heights. You can feel the heat of his mouth and the wetness of his tongue seeping through your panties, creating a delicious friction that has you moaning his name.
Desperate for more, you grip his hair tightly, your fingers tangling in the blond strands as you try to pull him closer and prevent him from stopping. But Orm maintains his torturous pace, teasing you mercilessly.
"Please," you plead, your voice breaking with desperation. "I need more."
He grins against you, the vibration of his laughter sending shivers through your body. "As you wish," he says, his voice low and husky.
Orm pulls back slightly, prompting a whine of protest from you as you tighten your grip on his hair, too caught up in the haze of arousal to grasp why he wants to pull back.
"Honey, you need to let me move a bit to take off your underwear," he says, his tone affectionate yet teasing.
Blushing furiously, you release your tight hold on his hair, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and desire flood through you. His gaze meets yours, his eyes dark with need and amusement.
"My needy girl," he murmurs, his voice low and husky with desire.
Before you can respond, he leans in quickly, capturing your lips in a fierce, passionate kiss. His mouth moves hungrily against yours, his tongue exploring every inch with a fervour that leaves you breathless. The taste of him is intoxicating, filling your senses and leaving you craving more.
When he pulls back and settles between your legs again, you're dazed - by the pleasure he's providing and his closeness. It is as if you can never get enough of him.
With a deft movement, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your underwear and slowly slides them down your legs. He pauses for a moment, his eyes drinking in the sight of you, completely exposed and vulnerable. His gaze is intense, filled with a mix of love and desire that makes your heart race.
Orm leans in, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, then another, moving closer to your now bare cunt. He looks up at you, his eyes locking with yours, as he leans in, his breath hot against your most sensitive area.
His hands grip your thighs firmly, keeping you in place. "I'm going to give you something to laugh about," he murmurs, and then his mouth is on you.
This time, there is no barrier between you.
The first touch of his tongue is like a shock of electricity, making you gasp and clutch at the edge of the counter, your fingers curling around the edge as you brace yourself for the onslaught of sensation.
He licks a long, slow path up your slit, savouring your taste with a low, appreciative groan. His tongue swirls around your clit, flicking and teasing with a skill that has you moaning. He alternates between gentle licks and firm strokes, driving you to the brink of madness.
Your hands find their way to his hair, fingers tangling in the blond strands as you pull him closer and try to ground yourself. He hums against you, the vibration sending shivers of pleasure through your entire body.
His mouth works in perfect harmony with his hands, his fingers parting your slick cunt to give him better access to your most sensitive spots.
He plunges his tongue inside you, tasting and exploring your pussy with a fervour that makes you moan loudly. He moves with a rhythm that is both precise and unpredictable, keeping you on edge, never knowing what to expect next. Each movement, each flick of his tongue, brings you closer and closer.
Just as you feel the orgasm building, he pulls back, denying you the release you crave. The sensation is exquisite torture, leaving you gasping and trembling with need. He watches you, his blue eyes dark and intense, enjoying the sight of you teetering on the edge.
"Orm, please," you beg, your voice a desperate plea. "I need to cum."
He lifts his head just enough to speak, his lips glistening with your arousal and his blue eyes dark. "Not yet," he says, his voice a low growl. "I want to hear you beg some more."
With that, he slips two fingers inside you, curling them to hit that perfect spot. His thumb finds your clit, rubbing in slow, deliberate circles. The dual sensation is almost too much to bear. You writhe against him, your body on fire with need. Every nerve ending is alive, screaming for release.
But he isn't done.
His free hand trails down, his finger thick and calloused, pressing gently against the tight ring of your ass, the sensation foreign and electrifying.
You tense instinctively, unsure of what to expect, but the gentle pressure of his touch is surprisingly comforting as he explores your puckered hole for the first time.
He circles the entrance slowly, teasingly, his movements deliberate and controlled. Each touch sends a shiver of anticipation down your spine, the unfamiliar sensation stirring something deep inside you.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this," he murmurs, his voice husky with need.
Your breath catches in your throat at his words, a mixture of anticipation and excitement flooding your senses. You cling to him, your nails digging into his skin as you surrender to the pleasure of his touch.
Orm's fingers press against the tight entrance, the sensation foreign yet undeniably arousing. He moves slowly, carefully, easing his finger past the resistance with a gentleness that belies the intensity of his desire, making you gasp as a mixture of pleasure and discomfort floods your senses.
"Relax, honey," he whispers, his breath hot against your cunt. "I'll take care of you."
You nod, your body trembling with anticipation as he continues to explore you, his touch sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. "Orm," you gasp, unable to form coherent words as pleasure washes over you in waves.
Orm eases his finger deeper inside you. The stretch is intense, the feeling of being filled in a way you've never experienced before, both overwhelming and exhilarating.
He chuckles softly, the sound sending shivers down your spine. "That's it, honey," he murmurs, his voice filled with dark amusement. "Let go, and let me take care of you."
You moan in response as you adjust to the feeling.
You can feel every ridge and contour of his finger within you, the sensation, unlike anything you've ever felt before. As he begins to move his finger in and out, the feeling builds, pleasure mingling with the slight sting of discomfort until you can't tell where one ends and the other begins.
The sensation of being filled in both holes at once is overwhelming, desire flooding your senses as he sets a rhythm that drives you wild with need.
Orm's voice is a husky growl as he speaks, his words sending shivers of anticipation down your spine. "You like that, don't you?" he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. "You like feeling my fingers in your tight little ass."
You whimper in response, your mind clouded by desire and undeniably overwhelmed by everything he's doing to you. His fingers move within you, stretching and filling you in a way that leaves you gasping for breath.
Orm's touch is possessive, almost primal, as he drives you closer and closer to the edge. "You're so fucking tight," he groans, his voice thick with desire. "Someday, I'll take you there too."
His words send a jolt of heat straight to your cunt, the idea of him taking you in your ass sending waves of desire crashing over you as you clench around his fingers.
"You enjoy that?" he growls, his voice low and guttural. "You enjoy being filled up like this, don't you, honey? Having both your holes stuffed?"
His dirty talk only serves to heighten your arousal, the words sending flashes of pure, hot want through your body as he works you with his fingers and mouth. You cling to him, your nails digging into his skin as you ride the wave of sensation, your body writhing with need.
Orm is relentless, his fingers moving with a skill and precision that leaves you breathless. You can feel the tension building inside you, a coil wound so tightly it's about to snap.
The combination is almost unbearable. Your body feels like it's on fire, each touch and movement pushing you closer to the edge.
"Please, Orm," you whimper, your voice breaking. "I can't take it."
He grins against you, his teeth grazing your sensitive flesh as he pulls back slightly, his fingers still working in and out of you, the sound of your wet pussy loud and obvious. "Not yet, sweetheart," he says, his voice a dark promise. "You can, and you will take it,"
His fingers in your cunt curl just right , pressing against your G-spot while his thumb continues its torturous circles over your clit, causing you to clench and whimper.
Meanwhile, the finger in your ass moves in and out, the tightness around it making Orm groan with satisfaction. "You're so tight here," he mutters, his voice filled with dark pleasure. "I love feeling you like this…And I think you need more to clench on."
Orm adds a second finger to your ass, stretching you slightly, the sensation both foreign and thrilling and even more intense than before.
He pumps his fingers in and out of both your ass and pussy, curling them to hit just the right spots while his tongue flicks over your clit with maddening precision. The pressure builds inside you, each touch bringing you closer to the edge, but he pulls back just before you can tumble over, denying you the release you crave driving you wild with frustration.
Your entire body is a tight coil of tension, every nerve ending on fire as he denies you your release again and again. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, and you cling to him, your nails digging into his scalp as you try to pull him closer, but he keeps control, maintaining that perfect, maddening rhythm.
"Please, Orm," you sob, tears of frustration pricking at your eyes, your clit throbs almost painfully, and you feel your cunt twitching around him - you feel ready to snap.
He looks up at you, his eyes dark with desire. "Beg for it," he commands, his voice a rough whisper.
"I beg you," you cry, your voice hoarse with need. "Please, let me cum. I need it. I need you ."
Orm's expression softens just a fraction, and he increases the pressure, his mouth and fingers working together to bring you to the brink once more, driving you higher and higher until you finally explode.
This time, he doesn't pull back.
The wave of pleasure crashes over you, and you scream his name as you finally find your release, your voice raw and hoarse with need. Your body convulses, every muscle tightening as the orgasm rips through you.
But Orm doesn't stop, his fingers and tongue continuing their relentless assault, prolonging your orgasm until you're shaking and breathless. He flicks his tongue rapidly over your clit while curling his fingers inside you, hitting that perfect spot again and again.
The pleasure is almost too intense, your body shuddering as another orgasm builds, crashing over you in powerful waves before you've come down from your previous high.
Your vision blurs, your mind slipping into a haze of ecstasy as your senses are overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the experience.
Your legs tremble, and you clutch desperately at the counter, your breath coming in ragged gasps. "Orm, oh God," you moan, your voice breaking with the intensity of your release.
And then, just as suddenly as it began, it's over.
You collapse against the counter, your body spent and trembling with the aftershocks of your earth-shattering climax. The world swims hazily before your eyes as you struggle to catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest.
The overwhelming intensity of your orgasm leaves you disoriented, and before you can fully comprehend the moment, everything goes dark, and you black out.
When you come back to your senses, you find yourself cradled in Orm's arms, his touch gentle and reassuring. His eyes, filled with love and concern, lock onto yours. He kisses your forehead softly, the warmth of his lips soothing and tender. "I love you," he murmurs, his voice low and full of adoration.
"I love you too," you whisper back tiredly, still shaking from what happened. Your body still tingles with the aftershocks of your intense release, and you feel an overwhelming sense of contentment and love.
Orm cups your face with his large, warm hand, his thumb gently stroking your cheek as he looks into your eyes. Through the haze in your mind, you can't help but appreciate how his blue eyes sparkle with emotion and how wet his chin, cheeks, and neck are from pleasuring you.
"You okay, honey?" he asks, his voice low and gentle, filled with genuine concern as he checks in with you.
You nod and bite your lip, your body still trembling with aftershocks of pleasure. "Yes, sweetheart, I'm okay," you manage to say, your voice breathless and shaky.
Orm's thumb slides over your bottom lip, sending a shiver down your spine. He leans in to kiss you, and you taste yourself on his tongue, the sensation causing you to clench around nothing and whine into the kiss.
The feeling of his residual wetness on your skin and the hardness of his cock pressing against your bare cunt only heightens your desire.
The fire in you, which had dimmed to a soft glimmer, now flares back with full fervour, threatening to consume you whole. Every touch, every breath, feels like it's adding fuel to the inferno raging within you.
When the kiss breaks, your hands move frantically to Orm's shirt. You tug at the fabric, desperate to feel his skin against yours. He chuckles, a deep, rumbling sound that vibrates through your core and obliges you by pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it aside.
Your breath hitches as you take in the sight of him, his muscular chest and chiselled abs glistening slightly from the exertion. The light catches on his body, highlighting the hard lines and contours that speak of strength and power.
The prominent vein running down his biceps stands out starkly against his skin, leading your eyes down to the rest of his strong arm. You trace its path with your gaze, marvelling at the sheer strength contained within.
His pecs are firm and inviting, his nipples hardening slightly in the cool air, a contrast to the heat radiating from his body. His chest, broad and sculpted, rises and falls with his heavy breathing, the rhythm hypnotic and alluring.
Your eyes travel down to his abs, each ridge and valley inviting your touch, a landscape of desire that begs to be explored. The lines of them lead your gaze downward to where his hard dick strains against his pants, the sight making your pulse quicken and your mouth go dry with longing.
You can't help but run your hands over his firm muscles. The contact sends a jolt of electricity through you, a reminder of just how much you want him. His skin is warm and smooth under your touch, and you can feel the tension coiled in his body, ready to be unleashed.
"God, you're so hot," you murmur, your voice filled with awe and desire, your mind still hazy from the orgasm he gave you as the words slip out without thought.
He chuckles lowly at both your words and behaviour.
"You find this amusing?" you ask, breathless, as you trace the lines of his body with your fingers.
Orm's eyes darken with a mix of amusement and desire. "I find it amusing how needy you are," he says, his voice a low growl. "But I can't deny that I enjoy it. Don't think I have forgotten how you laughed at me with those onions."
He steps back slightly, his hands moving to the waistband of his pants. With a fluid motion, he pulls them down, followed by his underwear. His hard cock springs free, standing tall and proud and glistening with precum. The sight of him, fully naked and aroused, sends a fresh wave of desire coursing through you.
You reach out, your fingers wrapping around his cock. Orm groans, his head falling back as you stroke him, his muscles tensing and rippling under your touch as you pump him a few times.
He opens his eyes, the intensity of his gaze piercing through you. "I need you," he murmurs his voice a low, gravelly whisper that sends shivers down your spine.
He leans in to kiss you again, his hands roaming over your body, reacquainting themselves with every curve and dip.
His hands trail down from your face, caressing your neck and shoulders, before moving to your breasts. He teases your nipples, rolling them between his fingers and sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core. You arch your back, pushing your breasts into his hands, your body responding eagerly to his touch.
"Orm," you murmur, your voice filled with need. "I want you."
He steps closer, positioning himself between your legs once more. His hands grip your hips, pulling you to the edge of the counter. "Then you shall have me," he says, his voice rough with desire.
As he presses against you, you feel his thick, hard cock sliding against your cunt, the sensation sending sparks of pleasure through you. He doesn't enter you yet; he just teases you, making you gasp and moan with each movement.
"I'm going to fuck you so hard," he growls into your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "You're mine, and I'm going to make sure you never forget it."
You whimper in response, the anticipation driving you to the edge again. "Orm, please," you beg, your voice a desperate plea.
He chuckles darkly, a possessive gleam in his eyes. "I know, honey," he murmurs. He continues to tease you, his tip brushing against your slick folds, the sensation almost too much to bear. You moan, your hips bucking in response, desperate for more.
Finally, when you think you can't take it anymore, he positions himself at your entrance, his eyes locking with yours.
With a gentle yet firm push, he slides into you, stretching and filling you completely. The sensation is overwhelming, and you cry out, and your body arches into his, a mixture of pleasure and relief as he buries himself to the hilt, the fullness making you feel complete.
Orm pauses, giving you a moment to adjust to his size, his eyes never leaving yours. "God, you feel amazing," he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.
He moves slowly at first, savouring the feel of you around him, each thrust measured and controlled.
His hands roam over your body, caressing your breasts, your waist, your thighs. Every touch sends sparks of pleasure through you, making you arch and writhe against him. His fingers find your nipples, pinching and rolling them gently, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your cunt, making you moan wantonly.
"You're so beautiful," he murmurs, his lips brushing against your ear.
You cling to him, your nails digging into his shoulders as he begins to move faster, his thrusts deep and powerful. The rhythm is intoxicating, a dance of passion and desire that leaves you breathless. His cock fills you completely, hitting all the right spots with each powerful thrust.
He leans down to kiss you again, his tongue exploring your mouth with the same fervour as his hips.
"You feel so good," he groans, his voice rough with pleasure, each word punctuated by a powerful thrust. "So tight, so perfect." His breath is hot against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
"Orm," you moan, your voice a desperate plea. "I'm so close."
He smiles against your skin, his movements growing more urgent. "Not yet," he growls, his voice still carrying a hint of grumpiness.
He slows his thrusts, pulling back almost entirely so only his tip is inside your pussy before pushing back in with agonising slowness. The deliberate pace keeps you on the edge, your body begging for release. His thumb finds your clit, rubbing in slow, teasing circles that make you whimper.
"Sweetheart, please," you beg, your voice trembling with need. "I can't take it."
Your body trembles with the intensity of the sensations, each stroke of his cock pushing you closer to the edge. You can feel every inch of him, every vein, every ridge, and it's driving you wild. His touch is everywhere, his hands roaming over your body, caressing, squeezing, sending sparks of pleasure through you.
"Orm, oh God," you moan, your voice breaking with the intensity of your need. "Please, let me cum."
His eyes lock onto yours, and he sees the desperation there.
His expression softens, and he increases the pressure, his thumb circling your clit more firmly while his other hand grips your hip, pulling you even closer. His thrusts become deeper, more powerful, each one sparking that fire inside you. The tension builds, a tight coil of need that threatens to fracture at any moment.
His hips start to snap against yours with a rhythm that is both demanding and precise, his cock hitting that perfect spot inside you with every thrust. He leans down to kiss you again, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth with the same intensity as his thrusts.
You cling to him, your nails digging into his broad, muscular back as you meet each thrust with equal intensity. The feel of his bare skin against yours, the play of his defined muscles under your fingertips, adds to the intoxicating pleasure. His chest, hard and chiselled, presses against your breasts, the friction against your sensitive nipples like adding fuel to the fire in your veins.
You moan in response, your hips bucking against his as the pleasure builds higher and higher, an unstoppable crescendo. The slick friction of his cock inside you, the pressure of his pelvis and thumb against your clit with every thrust, drives you mad with desire.
His movements grow more urgent, his thrusts faster and harder. The sound of your bodies coming together, the slick heat of your arousal, fills the room.
You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside you, needing him closer. "Orm," you moan, your voice a desperate plea.
"Do it," he growls, his thrusts becoming more erratic, the control slipping as he nears his peak. "Cum for me, honey. Let me feel you." His words are a command and a plea, the urgency in his voice pushing you over the edge.
You scream his name as you shatter around him, your orgasm ripping through you with a force that leaves you breathless once more. Your body convulses, every muscle tightening around him, your cunt gripping his cock in a vice-like hold that draws a guttural moan from deep within him.
Orm continues to thrust into you, prolonging your orgasm and driving you to the edge of madness.
His movements become frantic, his rhythm breaking as he succumbs to his own release. He thrusts into you one last time, deep and hard, and you feel the hot, pulsating rush of his cum filling you. His body shudders, and he holds you close, his breath ragged and his heart pounding against yours, his head buried in your shoulder.
As the last tremors of pleasure fade, Orm pulls back slightly, his eyes softening as he looks at you. He looks utterly spent, his body drenched in sweat that glistens in the light, and his hair plastered to his forehead. You reach out to brush it from his eyes and cup his cheek, feeling the warmth of his breath on your face. He smiles at you, a sweet, loving smile that makes your heart flutter, before leaning forward and pressing a long, tender kiss to your forehead.
He pulls back and lifts you from the counter, cradling you in his arms. "Let's get you cleaned up," he murmurs, carrying you to the bathroom with a tenderness that makes your heart swell with love.
201 notes · View notes
nvrswrld · 1 month ago
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hi there! can you please write akito with a reader that has a crush & its suuuuuuper obvious about it, so he can't help but tease reader and get them super flustered? thank you!
Rabbit Hole — Akito Shinonome
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"Gonna be a smitten mitten till the day you die?"
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— in which An gets you to confess to Akito.
akito shinonome x fem!reader
tags: fluff, characters might be a little ooc, probably shit lmao i wrote this at one in the morning, cut me some slack
note: i literally squealed when i read this request i love akito sm
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You've been in school for nine years, yet you still struggle with paying attention in class. It wasn't just the teachers who had poor teaching tactics, which didn't help you activate your brain for the remainder of the day, but it was also the lack of sleep you got each night. You spent more time scrolling on social media than you did working on your homework. It was the poor attention span that troubled you. It was your fault, though. You knew you should've been responsible enough to better yourself in these situations. You were getting to that age, anyway. Soon, you would be independent and no longer under the wing of safety connected to your parents.
But until then, you would continue to feed off your friends.
It helped you get things done faster, so it couldn't have been that bad. You weren't entirely dependent on them, but only just a little. Both An and Mizuki were in the same class as you, so that gave you even more of a reason to slack off whenever they attended. They didn't really mind, either. It just gave you three another reason to hang out after school, therefore it was more of a blessing than a curse. Sitting in the corner booth of Weekend Garage, sipping on piping hot coffee, chowing down on sweet treats, and praying to whatever god up there that one of them had the answers to the homework. It was the highlight of your year.
This afternoon was the same as any other. You rested your chin against the table, tapping the end of your pen against your workbook and staring off into space while An yapped Mizuki's ear off about whatever the hell they were talking about. Another part of your guys' "study session" was that it always took at least thirty minutes for you all to actually get to work. It was a lengthy process, but you still somehow managed to get work done.
After yawning and raising your head from the table to lean back comfortably against the booth seat, An switched her attention from Mizuki to you. She smirked pridefully and played with a strand of her hair. "Y'know, y/n, me and Akito did some talking during practice yesterday, and—"
"What did you do?" You asked in horror, slowly sinking down the seat. An shook her head, a sign that your fear was unnecessary. "I didn't say anything, okay?" She took a large gulp of her coffee before continuing her explanation. "We just played a little game of 'what if'."
"By 'we played' do you mean you forced him to answer your questions while he tried to get work done?" Mizuki interjected, to which An rolled her eyes playfully. "Yes, but that's not the point. The point is..."
She paused, leaving you in suspense. Her mouth stayed open for a bit, before shutting—but there was still a smirk on her face. You raised an eyebrow. "The point is?"
She shrugged. "Actually, I'll let you find out on your own."
You couldn't help but get butterflies from that sentence alone. Whether they were good or bad was unknown, but it made you feel nervous, nonetheless. "C'mon An," you begged, "don't be evil..."
You turned to Mizuki, desperation written on your face. "Do you know anything?"
"No," she answered, "nothing for sure. But can I offer my two cents?" You nodded eagerly and waited for her to speak again. "He never snaps at you, but he sure does tease the hell out of you. Odd, don't you think?"
"Right?" An agreed. "He even snaps at Toya sometimes, and that's his best friend."
"What if I just get Ena to put you on?" Mizuki questioned, to which you immediately declined her offer. You chuckled humorlessly and played with the hem of your shirt. "Absolutely not! She would totally make fun of me until the end of time. Maybe even criticize my taste in guys, if she's feeling extra mean..."
Mizuki scoffed and mocked you. "As if she can't already tell you're crushing on him."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that you can't act normal around him for the life of you," the bluenette answered for her. "He doesn't even have to be in the room. We could just be talking about him and you'll start giggling like a little girl."
"No, I don't! I didn't even giggle today!"
"Yeah, because you were too busy trying to not have a panic attack over whether I told Akito about your feelings for him or not," she countered, to which Mizuki agreed.
"Yeah, it's, like, painfully obvious how bad you have it for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew. Maybe that's why he teases you so much."
If that was the case, you wouldn't know what to do. If he already knew, then why wouldn't he just tell you instead of making you wait so long for a fifty-fifty answer? The thought made you want to throw up. Not that it was bad, but it was nerve-wracking. It would be nice if he did know, but what if he didn't feel the same? What then? You placed your hand on your stomach and pouted subconsciously. "All this stress is making my stomach hurt."
"And all this pussying out is making my head hurt," Mizuki joked. Meanwhile, An was scrolling on her phone, barely paying attention to the conversation now. "C'mon, y/n! I'm sure if you tell him, he'll be nice about it."
"No, he won't," you whined. "Guys are never nice about this stuff. The last time I confessed to a guy, he told the entire class and they all made fun of me for a month."
"That was in primary school, y/n..."
"So what? It still happened!"
"Y'know what?" An spoke up as she tidied up her area, putting her books and pens back into her schoolbag. "What if we help you practice a confession?" You raised an eyebrow and asked what she meant. "Mizuki will cover your eyes, and I'll pretend to be Akito. Then, you work your magic and confess!"
"Why does Mizuki have to cover my eyes—?"
"Because it'll help you focus on envisioning his presence." It didn't take a genius to know that she completely pulled that claim out of her ass, but you chose to just let her get away with it. "C'mon, y/n! It's getting sad watching you drool over him without knowing if he feels the same or not."
You let out a defeated sigh and threw your head back. "Okay, okay. We can practice, or whatever."
Little did you know that agreeing to her idea would be the best and worst decision you've ever made.
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As to why you were doing this outside was a mystery. Maybe it was to avoid getting weird looks from people inside the cafe, but it was equally as bad—and probably worse—to do outside the building. You stood in front of An, awkwardly rubbing at your arm to distract yourself from the pure embarrassment you felt every time someone walked past you three. Mizuki and An, however... You really needed their confidence, because they did not seem to give a shit about gaining people's attention.
"Alright," An said cheerfully, "close your eyes and just imagine that I'm Akito. Mizuki, you cover her eyes so she can't see for sure." Mizuki did as she was told, lightly cupping her hands over your eyes. With that, An cleared her throat and spoke up a second time. "Are you imagining him?"
"Uh," you muttered nervously, "sure, I guess." It took a while for her to speak up again, but you assumed that she had gotten distracted by her phone again. "Now say what you have to say. Don't think about it; just let it flow out."
"...An, this is stupid."
"Trust me! It'll help!"
You sighed and took your time to think. Let the words flow out, you thought. It couldn't be that hard. It was like you were talking to yourself. All you had to do was just forget about An and Mizuki, and you were good. You imagined a world where everything was perfect. A world where it was just you and Akito, for the time being. A world where no one could make fun of you for expressing yourself. A world where everything went your way. You clenched your hands into fists and swallowed hard, preparing to vocalize your thoughts and feelings.
"...since you're totally Akito," you began sarcastically, still finding the whole concept to be ridiculous, "I guess now's the time to finally tell you about how much I'm soooo in love with you, and how annoying it's been to have to deal with these feelings, knowing damn well that I was way too scared to actually tell you about them without my friends forcing me to. And I guess I have to talk about how irritating it is to have to deal with your teasing without knowing if it's platonic or not. And I guess I have to talk about how this is probably a huge waste of time because I know that I'll just pussy out when I actually want to try to confess to you."
You could hear Mizuki sigh behind you. "You're not taking it seriously, y/n!"
"What's the point? It's not like I'm gonna tell him anything anytime soon, so what's the—"
During your mini-rant, you pulled Mizuki's hands away from your eyes and opened them. Instead of An standing in front of you, she was beside Akito, who was now where she stood before. You felt your entire body freeze up at the sight of him. Not only that, but your heart fell all the way down to your ass. He was smirking at you, seemingly finding the situation to be amusing.
"—That's the point," Mizuki finished for you. Not that you were even listening. You were too busy trying to not start hyperventilating. "Why are you here?" You timidly questioned. He was supposed to be at work, so why the hell was he here now?
"I'm on my break and An told me to come here," he answered smugly, not once breaking eye contact other than to blink. "What was that about you being soooo in love with me?" Your jaw clenched and your head became light. Is this what dying felt like? Because, honestly, you were hoping that your next breath was your last.
"It was just a joke," you blurted out and internally cursed at how stupid that lie was. Akito sneered and let out an 'uh-huh'. You weren't getting out of this easily, so you might as well just give up. "Akito," you muttered, "don't do this to me."
"I already knew before this," he admitted nonchalantly. "I just wanted to see how long it would take for you to tell me."
"It would've taken longer if An didn't set me up..." Maybe your crush on him was obvious, as much as you didn't want to believe it. "Can you just, like, tell me what you think so I can rest easily tonight?" He nodded and laughed a bit with that same annoying grin on his face. "I think you're cute, or whatever."
An let out an excited squeal before you could even process what he said. "And I think that you should come clean about this beforehand so we could actually…y'know."
"I don't know," you replied, to which Mizuki quickly spoke up with a grin of her own. "He wants you!" Akito sent her a glare but didn't deny it.
"You're making this a lot less enjoyable for me," he advised the girls. "But I guess that's one way to put it." It felt like the entire world was crumbling beneath your feet but in a good way. You couldn't help but play with your fingers as a nervous tic, but despite your anxiety, you were smiling. Wide. Before you knew it, you walked up to him and pulled him into a tight hug. Akito was caught off guard, but only for a bit. He eventually wrapped his arms around you as well and applied a sweet kiss on the top of your head. It was like a dream.
"Thanks, An…" you mumbled against his chest. You totally owed her after this.
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written by @nvrswrld
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leviathanleva · 6 months ago
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Daisy
Pairing: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x Fem Reader [DARK FIC]
Description: Cooper Howard was not a kind man, he cared for nobody, but himself. Then he found you, a lost little dove, barefoot and crying, torn dress and big innocent eyes staring at him like he was a hero. He knew you’d be a burden, he knew you couldn’t survive in the wasteland, he was doing you a favor.
But he couldn’t pull the fucking trigger...
........................
[5.5k words]
🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼
Chapter 6 "The Book"
Green.
Green spanning as far as the eye could see. A thick, overflowing forest accompanied by such humid air it made you nauseous and slightly out of breath. It did well to shield you from the sun and you no longer had to use your blazer as a substitute for a poncho and avoid a sunburn.
It took you nearly two days to stop gawking at the luscious flora once you’d set foot in it and the ghoul had found it necessary to bark a threat at you a couple of times when your feet had stilled to take in the scenery. You didn’t let his grumpy nature affect you though. You’d never seen such a view and you let your eyes feast with mouth ajar and hands fisted. Sticky mud, twigs, and leaves clung to the soles of your boots and the vapor you were sure was radioactive frizzed up your hair.
You’d expected the forest to be brimming with life, from animals to insects, birds, and critters, but there was nothing. When you took the time to recollect the past three weeks while silently following behind your bounty-hunter-turned-tour-guide, you hadn’t seen any birds. The bombs wiping them out was the obvious explanation, they were gentle creatures, they didn’t stand a chance and it was a melancholic realization. Bird songs were the symphony of nature and it was painful to know you’d never be able to hear it.
You adjusted the backpack strap away from your throat and rubbed at the sore spot before taking a few springy steps to catch up with the ghoul. His pace had quickened for reasons unknown and you had to jog to be able to keep up with him. It was tedious considering the slippery ground actively worked on slowing you down, but you’d take this over going a faceoff with the sun any day.
Humanity’s traces could be spotted scattered amidst the greenery, bits of metal sprouting from the dirt, tattered cloth at the bases of the trees, or hanging off low branches, a plane wreckage in the distance. It was comforting that other people had passed by your route and left a piece behind, an echo of their presence. You wanted to believe they were good because so far there hadn’t been a soul you had encountered that hadn’t tried to attack you.
WELCOME FOR TO TILLBURRY
A bright red billboard was risen high above the treeline, fastened to a multitude of wooden planks nailed together. The once pearl white paint was now a deep yellow with spangles of rusty brown, the words were peeling off, weathered down by time, you could tell even from where you stood.
You stand shoulder to shoulder, except the ghoul’s is more at level with your cheek. He kicks some buildup off his shoes and opens his canteen.
The settlement is right down the hill. Tillburry. You made it to Tillburry.
“We made it?” you release your lips from their toothy prison and your face lights up with an untamable grin. You beam up at him and shake his arm excitedly. “We made it, Mister.” your eyes dart back to the sign, you’re practically vibrating next to him. “I can’t believe it!”
He pauses between swigs and glances down to where you’ve taken hold of his wrist. His lack of reply stirs your attention and you follow his gaze, then let go and step away with a wary expression.
“Uh…Sorry. I just got a little – ” you’re tugging at the frilly edges of your dress anxiously, one foot readies on its toes if you spotted even a glimpse of a rope peaking from behind his back. “ – I didn’t – No tying up, please? My ankles are still sore from last time, Mister.”
You’re an eye-bat away from bolting, again, and it never works because he’s scarily good with a lasso, but you’re stupidly optimistic. Last time you’d gotten on his nerve he’d tied you up and hung you from the ceiling lamp of an old farmhouse, gagged as well, mind you, because you wouldn’t stop talking. At least, he’d been kind enough to take your shoes off so you could stretch your feet and keep the blood circulation going. The fact that he’d used you as a sentient coat hanger was less nice.
Then again, you’d gotten another dose of his scent while he’d had dinner by himself and ignored your existence for a good hour or two. It wasn’t all bad, or maybe it was but you were too dependent on him to protest against his unorthodox punishments.
“Ain’t no point.” he clicks his tongue and glosses over his canteen before tucking it away. “You don’ learn nothin’ cept how to complain harder.” he taps a gloved finger against the center of your forehead, forceful enough to have your neck tipping back and you scrambling for balance. “Thought you were supposed to be smart. How come nothin’ sticks in that lil skull o’ yours?”
“Mm, have you thought about maybe…” your eyes squint at his rough gesture and you pull away with a wince. “Maybe a nicer approach to your lessons, Mister?”
“Nice don’t keep you alive, Darlin’.” he doesn’t spare a breath before answering and after a moment you reluctantly nod.
His malignity and somber methods were a necessity both for your development and safety yet you wished it weren’t so. You wanted for a kinder world and less spilled blood and were likely one of many, but no one had the privilege of choosing what they were born into. Despite all ill circumstances, you were still lucky to be taken under the wing of an expert, taught how to survive by someone who’d lived so long and accumulated enough knowledge to fill a library.
It wasn’t peaches and marmalade up here, although you had a can of both stuffed somewhere in the depths of your backpack.
The hand which had been resting on his hip reaches for the hefty tato sack slumped next to his boot and he secures it over his shoulder before nudging his head towards the welcome sign.
“Les go.”
You’re hot on his heel, stomping down the mucky hill with acute prudence, your dress was already dirty, you didn’t need to add mud stains to the extensive collection.
The peaks and roofs of ramshackle buildings loom above the shabby fence surrounding the settlement, dyed in varieties of reds and yellows, some fully, others unfinished because there was no more paint to spare. The vegetation became sparse and the soil soon gave way to dusty gravel that crumbled delightfully under your boots. Once close enough for a better inspection, you notice the defensive walls are nothing more than plates and pieces of different scrap metal bolted together. A swirl of barbed wire is draped on the top and rotting pikes are sticking out from the base.
It wasn’t exactly the warm welcome you were expecting.
Anxiety and excitement kept you glued to the ghoul, mostly hidden behind his unfriendly frame. A meager excuse came up as a means to start up a conversation that might ease your quickening pulse and sweaty palms. You decided to keep the silence, though, opting to restrain your questions for a later time, when there was less tension built up on his shoulders and his fingers weren’t instinctively gliding over the handle of his pistol.
You heard the marketplace before you saw it. Your stomach flipped once you stepped beyond the open town gates, now being able to put faces to the buzzing chatter lingering in the air.
“Holy moly…” you gasp with brows raised high and your step falters.
It was busy.
After years of solitude and countless dreams of a normal pre-nuclear war life, after nearly a month in the company of a single man who preferred action over word, the reality of civilization crashed into you like a boiling wave. Hot prickles pinched at random places around your body, beads of sweat are already trickling from your armpits and your skin becomes clammy. With a heart lodged in your throat, you stumble forward, giving in to the ghoul’s rough tug on your wrist.
“Keep movin’.” his rasp fails this time, impossibly outmatched by the turbulence simmering inside you.
“Mm…sorry.” it’s an empty apology, insincere because he sees your eyes flitting and knees wobbling.
You never expected the settlement to be this…overwhelming.
Strangers are passing by and blending together in a jumbled blur of worn-out clothes and limbs. Carts are being rolled between the isles, restocking items as soon as they’re bought, and smoke lingers high above your head, amassed from chimneys, food booths, and cigarettes.
You find it difficult to breathe the more information your short-circuiting brain is forced to process.
“Get your RadAway right here good people! Three for the price of one – ”
“ – Cactus fruit for sale! Fresh out the – ”
“ – Bullets, guns and more bullets – ”
Stalls were huddled together, adorned with junk and trinkets, things you couldn’t even begin to comprehend. And even if the owners already had at least one customer looking over their products, they still hollered at the crowd bustling around them. There’s a heavy stench in the air, of car oil and lack of hygiene, sweat and musk blending in with roasting meats that smell like no animal you’ve eaten before.
Shopkeepers had the doors to their establishments open, waving over weary wanderers with promises of a good time and helpful products.
“Stimpaaaks! Rad-X and more! Whatever your heart desires! Save a life! Buy a stimpaaak!”
You avoided eye contact, keeping your sights low and only skimming over the intricacies of the stands. The flood of strangers was cordial enough not to bump into you, but when a roasted cricket was shoved in your face and behind it a pair of foggy blue orbs stared right into your soul you recoiled.
“Ah, no thank you, Sir!” you give the merchant a wide apologetic smile and lift a hand to your mouth.
You latch onto the ghoul’s forearm when the merchant’s face falters for a split second before he’s already trying the unfortunate person behind you. For a moment there you’d thought he’d pounce on you, there was no telling considering the man looked half-dead.
“Aww, was wrong, Sweetheart?” your bodyguard barks out a laugh, sneering down at you. “Don’ want a cricket on a stick?”
You don a thin-lipped, unimpressed expression and detach yourself from him.
“I’ll stick to crackers and canned beans, thanks.”
His teasing tone unwittingly shook off a part of your anxiety. The overstimulation eases to a broiling irritation and most of the smells and sounds fade behind a wall of ignorance. You still sweat more than you’d like, but your pulse nestles back into a steady rhythm. You take a breath and squeeze your palms a few times, working through an alien mental exertion as your face settles with neutrality. 
“Suit yourself.” he snorts, guiding you towards a particular stand. “Dunno what you’re missin’ though.”
“Think I’d rather keep it that way.” you murmur under your breath and turn back for a more in-depth examination of the unappealing delicacy. “…Yeah.”
Bugs…Who eats fucking bugs?
There’s a steaming caldron propped up over a steady fire, but you can’t discern the scent and your upper lip is already twitching into a disgusted scowl. The owner has his elbows resting on the display counter, and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled to just below his meaty biceps. His thick mustache spreads into a delighted smile and he abandons his hunched-over posture when he notices your uncanny duo approaching.
“Welcome! Browse at your leisure.”
“One o’ those.” the ghoul motions towards the cauldron and you’re ready to fight back nausea, anticipating a monstrous fiend turned snack to emerge.
You were wrong.
The man sinks a ladle inside the lively water and fishes out a potato.
“Oh.” you blurt without a second thought.
“What d’you think it was?” he tosses a few caps on the counter and plucks the boiled potato from the merchant’s ladle and you can’t help but grimace.
“At this point, nothing would surprise me.” you answer honestly, then cock your head with a face scrunched at the unnerving sight. “Doesn’t that sting? He just…y’know…took it out of the water?”
Does this man honestly have no pain receptors or is he just high again? Either way, you were left stunted every time he took a blow without a flinch. From bullets to hot potatoes, nothing could scathe him.
“ ‘S fine.” he blows away the steam and unfastens his hunting knife to cut a sizable piece from the top, then tosses it at you.
You catch it with a precious glint in your eye, graced with a bittersweet smile. Him willingly splitting food was a new addition, but an act you cherished fervently. A display of custody so fleeting and illusive it was unclear how intentional it was.
Then the heat finally registers and you’re forced to juggle the mushy piece between your hands.
The ghoul dips his half in the disturbed salt pile next to the fresh vegetable crate, and you mimic him once the potato has cooled enough to hold. He’s already moving and you follow closely behind while giving your treat a few more needed puffs and tapping off the excess salt.
“So what are we looking for now, Mister?” you ask and dodge bumping shoulders with a dazed old woman while adopting a steady tempo by his side. You’re looking up at him with wonder while sinking your teeth into the potato and he’s very tempted to lick his thumb and try to wipe off that incessant glee from your face.
“Trader’s shop.”
“Oh, right! For the Pip – ” a hand is harshly smacked over your mouth. He shakes his head curtly and his mouth dips into a short-lived frown; you clear your throat and nod in understanding.
Right…Everything from the vaults was considered a rare treasure on the surface. People were ready to kill for a single one of the items each of you was carrying. Caps flowed whenever a mint-condition lint roller was involved, let alone more practical things. And Pip-boys were at the top of the pyramid. They were priceless. Some would sacrifice a limb to get their hands on one because it meant they were settled for life.
You scan over the current of wanderers for any prying eyes but find none. It was too noisy; your words had been drowned out the moment they’d escaped.
Maybe you should try not to forget you aren’t living in a vault anymore…
You hold onto a wrinkle at the back of his coat as he cuts through the busy market, then wipe away the remnants of potato bits with the back of your hand.
Everything seems to have the same coat of decomposition to it, from the persons to the buildings, but it has a charm to it, it’s lively and somewhat welcoming.
Familiarizing your surroundings presents you with a feeling of peace and the anxiety is finally washed away for good. Well, as long as you keep reminding your self-centered doubt that nobody’s gawking at you or paying you any mind. You’re just a nobody lost in a sea of nobodies and you like it that way, just you and the ghoul minding your business, not being threatened or attacked or anything that would coerce you into taking action.
A safe haven. Finally.
A gargled moo pierces through the din of chitchat and your head snaps. And there, amidst the stalls a cow is lazily sloshing at a bucket of water while simultaneously rearing its snout around and sniffing the air because it has two freaking heads. It looks skinned, reminds you of your grumpy gunslinger and you can’t help but titter. You make a turn towards it, handholding with your nosiness. Then you reassure the concerned squeal at the back of your head that you’ll find your way back by the distinguishable cowboy hat sticking out like a sore thumb in the crowd.
Just a closer look and then you’ll be right back by his side.
A two-headed cow. How fascinating!
Your escapade is short-lived. An iron grip takes hold of your backpack no more than five steps in and jerks you back. The strap digs into your throat and you gag with a backward blunder.
“Ehugh – ”
“ – The hell you think you’re goin’?”
The back of your head collides with a solid chest and you gaze up to meet an acquainted scolding face.
“The cow. It has two heads.” you answer candidly, blinking up at him, dumbfounded. “I – ” your lips purse as you briefly mull over your next sentence. “ – I wanted to see it up close?”
“ ‘S called a brahmin, Darlin’.” he’s unimpressed with your revelation, lets you go, and spares a brisk, disinterested glance at the mutated cow.
You dust off his crude gesture and smooth out your dress and backpack. His barbarian tactics are slowly losing their charm; he makes a mental note to up the ante in the future.
“How does it work though. With two heads?”
“Take one good look a’ me ‘n tell me if I’m a fuckin’ vet.” his arms are crossed over his chest, weight rested on one hip. You disregard his snappiness as your eyes roll from him back to the brahmin.
“Do they bite?” you know it’s probably a herbivore, but considering its disfigured state and the scarce vegetation along your journey, you have reason to consider other possibilities. With a palm placed on your waist, you tap a forefinger against your hipbone in thought. “Can I pet it?”
“No. Now move.” he grips your upper arm like a disgruntled father and drags you forward as you keep your neck craned to the side to stare at the cow over your shoulder. “Ain’t got all day.”
“But – ”
“ – You stray more than two feet away ‘n I’m puttin’ a leash on ya.” he hisses you into silence and presses onward, towards the last few remaining stands.
The thickness of the crowd lightens as you approach the end of the market. Once you manage to escape all the fuss and buzz you give a gentle pat to his wrist and he releases you with a warning grunt to keep close.
Given more room to note the architecture and structure of Tillburry, it reminds you of an old cowboy settlement rather than a pre-apocalypse town. The buildings are raised in such a peculiar array, all random and each one different. There are no traditional houses, per se, everything is turned into a business, from a shady hospital to a loud bar made guest house because even travelers need a bed sometimes. You see a few tire-ridden trailers, but even they have a makeshift sign plastered on the door offering services for caps.
A label scribbled with coal rests above the entrance to a two-story shack.
Trade & Barter – If it exists, we have them!
Mm…Maybe you could become the local English teacher, give the folk a few grammar lessons, put that multi-subject dossier in your head to the test. Make theory into reality and try your hand at machinery, build a lamp or do some testing and create a water purifier. From what you’ve read, it’s not that difficult, but the materials needed can range from tricky to impossible to scavenge.
You step onto the wooden porch of the trader’s shack, the bell above the door springs to life when the ghoul enters and you follow suit.
First things first, you had to figure out if you were going to continue travelling with him or if he was going to keep his word and let you settle here. There was a small chance he’d forgotten and if you didn’t mention it, he’d let you trudge along. Tillburry was a nice place, but you’d choose him over anything else if you had to pick.
“Evening good people!” a scrawny old man peaks from behind the counter accompanied by a symphony of metal clanks and a few curses. He dusts off his hands and plants them over the register with a crooked smile. “Mah name’s Hank. Now how can I help you lot?”
He eyes the ghoul in an odd manner, then you.
“Oh, it’s you…”
“Got another deposit t’ make, old man.” said ghoul slaps all five Pip-boys on the counter and rests on one of his elbows as he leans down. “Thousand caps up front, the rest every few months till you pay em in full.”
You have to squint when Hank’s eyes bulge out of his skull and he hastily stuffs the merchandise under his desk.
“You tryin’na get me robbed?!” he straightens to look over the windows then hunches down and continues with a hand cupped over the side of his mouth. “Where did you find so many?” he pauses then, a certain grimness to his face. “Never mind, don’t wanna know.”
Your vision is overflowing with all the junk strewn about, hanging off walls, stuffed in dusty display cases, over tables and windowsills, there’s items even on the floor. Most of it is weaponry and repair parts, a trinket here and there, a greasy comb, gold teeth, and a half-built robot of some sort. You lightly kick at a stray margarine cap abandoned on the floor, then stop when an elbow is roughly dug into your side.
 You spare your assailant a bitter glare while tenderly massaging away the pain, then click your tongue but relent at the curt “behave” you’re tossed back. 
The trader has the light strapped to his forehead shining down on the Pip-boys. He fiddles with each one briefly, turning the cog and testing the menus, then tries them all on his wrist to check the security of the straps. He’s humming, muttering something incoherent while evaluating the treasures from your vault.
“We doin’ business or not, Grandpa? They ain’t fucken’ fake.”
“I might be old, but I’m still a babe compared to you.” Hank spits back with surprising vigor and disappears under the counter. “Now have an ounce of patience you grumpy bastard. Gotta check em or else Imma be the one dealing with the consequences.”
“Sorry?” your attention darts back to the ghoul who’s suddenly avoiding eye contact. “How old did you say you were, Mister?”
“Ain’t you got junk t’ stare at?”
The remainder of his reply is cut short by a snort of a laugh erupting from behind the register.
“Oh, he’s ancient that one.” the trader resurfaces with an old plastic bag stuffed to the brim with caps, he ties it neatly and pushes it forward. “Been around since – ” he sputters, frozen solid as the edge of a hunting knife is pressed flush against the collar of his shirt. “Right…” he swallows once, then gently steers the blade away with the tips of his fingers. “Ain’t my story to tell, sorry Lil miss.”
“Sure ain’t.” the ghoul nods, lower lip slanted.
“Uhm…can I – ” you pipe in and set your backpack between the two before blood is spilled. “ – Can I trade too?”
“Sure you can.” Hank nudges towards you, hands clasped together and stubby fingers intertwined in silent anticipation for your upcoming offer. “Watchu trading?”
You’re rummaging through supplies, pushing away food cans and bottles of water until you reach the very bottom of the bag. You grip a thin, plastic wrapper and force it past the sea of provisions before showing your open palm to the trader.
“Is this worth anything?”
“Well, well.” he snatches the item and settles the glasses dangling from his neck on the bridge of his nose as he concentrates on the label. “Pristine condition too. You don’t see these around much anymore.”
“A toothbrush.” the gunslinger is scowling when you turn to look at him. “You brought a fuckin’ toothbrush?”
“Three actually. One for each of us and a spare in case I lost mine. Which reminds me!” you’re digging through the bag again briefly before plunging another packaged toothbrush into his face. “Here’s yours.”
He plucks the damn thing from your grasp while you keep up a sickly sweet smile, twirls it in his fingers and he would have been annoyed if he wasn’t already so thunderstruck.
“Why do you have to be like this…”
“Twenty-five caps.” the trader declares and stuffs the merchandise in his back pocket.
“Deal!” you exclaim and gather up the caps as soon as they’re set on the counter.
“Workin’ through your debt already, Sweetheart?”
You squint at the question and shuffle away from your interrogative companion. Your foot is already tapping incessantly against the floorboards, a dead giveaway.
“Yes?” you clear the lump in your throat and lift your nose towards a book hanging just above a display cabinet. “But also I wanted to buy – ”
“ – No.” short and stern, no wiggle room. “You ain’t wastin’ no caps on a damn book.”
“Why not? They’re my caps.” you ask, but are promptly ignored when he gives you a cold shoulder and turns back to Hank. You aren’t even graced with the courtesy of debate.
With a regretful look, you secure your backpack over your shoulder and give the tome a last, pained glance as you rub at your upper arm.
“Gimme five packs o’ Grey Tortoise too.”
Hank stacks the cigarette packs in the ghoul’s outstretched hand before leaning back with a nod, instigating the end of their trade.
“Good doing business, Cooper, now get the hell out before I go bankrupt.”
You snort before you realize it.
“Shit. Shit. Shit!”
Your body freezes and you’re looking straight ahead as your teeth clamp down on your lips. The laughter bubbles, pushing against your chest and throat and you barely manage to inhale a shaky breath.
“There somethin’ funny, Smooth-skin?” the ghoul, Cooper, tantalizingly engulfs you under his frame. Each hand is gripping the counter, on either side of you, as he forces his chest into your shoulder blades and leans down until his voice is right in your ears. “Hm?”
“No.” you rasp, and your jaw clenches immediately after as your vision blurs with tears and you’re fighting so hard not to fucking cackle. You’re suppressing yourself so violently that you’re shaking. “No, Sir.”
His name is fucking Cooper. The deadly gunslinger, the boogeyman, the ruthless killer, the zombie cowboy. Cooper…
You can’t breathe.
“I’m gonna…Gonna wait outside, Sir.” you proclaim with a strained voice and slip out of his dangerous embrace, ducking under his armpit and heading towards the exit with stiff footing.
After securing the caps and cigarettes in his bandolier, he’s ready to follow, but a curt whistle from Hank stops him and he turns back to see the man waving him over. Already lacking patience for the upcoming exchange, he sighs and spares you a once-over to make sure you’re out of ear reach, and then he’s back at the counter, glaring.
“Go on.”
You shift to the left of the door, leaning back against the windowsill and leaving your backpack to rest between your feet. The world is slowly dimming, crickets deftly chip in the distance and it would have been pleasant if you hadn’t known they can grow as big as your arm. A few people pass by, scuttling towards either their homes or the bar opposite of where you stand. Besides a muffled murmur, there’s nothing you can catch from the conversation and curiosity gnaws at your gut, but you don’t have the courage to peek inside the shop and risk getting caught. A steady whizz as the minutes pass by, you don’t care for being left out, there’s already too much you’ve witnessed and endured that you wished you never had.
An abrupt rise in octaves catches your attention and your eyes flick to the side. Something in their exchange wasn’t going right, a topic was unraveled that was acrid for both parties and you curse at your limited hearing for being unable to catch any particular words.
A storm comes out the door that nearly knocks the bell off and startles you. You step back to avoid him in his blind fury, a distinct “oof” escaping you when the book is blindly thrust into your stomach. The sun has sunken, and an array of moths flutter around the swaying light bulb above the trader’s entrance and despite Cooper’s soured mood, you’re happy to have him back. Plus, he’d relented and gotten you the book, either he or the shopkeeper had pitied you enough to hand it over.
You’re dancing around him like a butterfly, the title “The Count of Monte Cristo” bouncing in and out of sight as you twirl the tome around.
The bar is well-lit, Christmas lights hang from the windows and roof, and he’s headed straight toward it. The atmosphere is unpleasant, whatever discussion he’d had with Hank had left a sour taste on his tongue, pinched some nerve that you could only guess.
“Thanks, Mister.” you try with a soft note and secure your present under your armpit for safekeeping, hoping a little sugarcoating might help ease his frustration. “I’ll cherish it forever.”
He pays you no mind, not even when you pinch the sleeve of his coat to keep in toon with his hasty stride.
“I like your name.” you peep through the mingling silence and glance up to find a strained expression and a sharp glare directed away from you. Your smile does nothing and falters quickly.
There’s a gap there, one that didn’t exist until you left him to converse in private with the old trader. The lingering question of whether you’re staying here or going with him is dismissed for the moment despite the time you have together ticking away. There’s malice building on his features the longer he stays locked away in his head and your words drift past him without effect.
“Mister?”
No response.
It’s when you wrap a hand around his wrist just as he’s about to burst into the bar that he stops.
You release a breath and ignore your skittish nature yanking at you to run, or apologize and hope for the best. There’s a clog in your throat and you feel the air becoming harder to intake, but that doesn’t stop you.
“Whatever he said isn’t true.” your eyes search the display of shells fitted over his chest, then flick up to find his. “You’re not a bad man, Cooper.”
It’s a shot in the dark because you don’t know what was said or done. But this is better than leaving him to sulk. He gets to know that you’ll stick by him no matter what happens. You’ll be there, even if the whole world turns against him, he’ll have someone who will stand by him.
“I’m a rotten man, Sweet pea.” his gaze is steady as he replies. He doesn’t believe you and not because you’re naively spewing words of comfort, but because he’s seen a lot more than you. He remembers the things he’s done and will keep doing and he knows himself well and you’re just plain wrong. “You jus’ don’ know it yet.”
“You’re a survivor.” you repost, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “And we’re all a little rotten inside.”
He rests a hand on your head, then moves to slump an arm around your shoulders and puffs out a breath. He’s not up for such a conversation, not now, not with you.
You don’t know him, not really. You don’t know that his vials are running dangerously low while your presence is turning into a solid option to get more. There’s a good reason he’s kept you safe and barely scathed and it’s not a measly three hundred caps.
And you hadn’t done anything to deserve such a fate, but his life came before yours, a rule of survival that you’d never learn.
Hank had had his suspicions the moment he’d laid eyes on you, but it wasn’t his business and despite having grown soft from decades living in a settlement, he had no right to dictate how others survived in the wasteland.
It might be cruel to keep you in the dark while your life is being weighed by a constantly shifting scale, but the ghoul would rather you enjoy the time you have left. Maybe they’d be kind and sedate you before harvesting your organs and you’d remember him as the hero he wasn’t, or maybe you’d grow a brain and stay in Tillburry. At least now he has the caps to buy off two large whiskey bottles and wash away the image of your face when struck with betrayal.
He was a survivor, you’d said so yourself, he did what he had to do, but that stupid conversation and Hank’s stupid expression wouldn’t budge from the back of his eyelids.
“What’re you gonna do if she doesn’t stay here though?”
“There’s always Super Duper Mart.”
“Oh, by the way.” your voice is a spark in the void of hopelessness, ripping him out of the maze of thoughts he’d unwittingly fallen into. He leads you through a haze of clinking tankards and lively, drunken chatter, a heavy smog of cigarette smoke that makes your nose wrinkle, and dim lighting to hide people’s identities. But you’re just happy to be with him and it’s visible by the perky smile on your lips. It’s painful to look at. “My name is – ”
“ – Don’t.”
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schizoidvision · 7 months ago
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4 Reasons Schizoids With Anhedonia Can Still Have a Strong Survival Instinct
Schizoid personality disorder is a complex and multifaceted condition that contains many paradoxes. This is primarily related to the internal fragmentation of the self and inner splits between different aspects of their being. One seemingly contradictory aspect is related to why schizoid individuals who experience anhedonia can still possess such a strong survival instinct. This can be partially explained by their heightened sensitivity to safety. This article aims to explore the relationship between anhedonia, the survival instinct, and the schizoid's underlying safety sensitivity.
1. Understanding Anhedonia in Schizoids
Anhedonia, in essence, is the inability or diminished capacity to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. For the schizoid individual, this might manifest in a lack of interest in social interactions, hobbies, or even basic human experiences. With such a significant reduction in the pleasure derived from life's experiences, one might assume that the will to live or survive would be diminished. However, the schizoid dynamic is far more nuanced.
2. Schizoid Inner Pleasures
Anhedonia is related to the lack of pleasure from engaging in activities. However, because schizoids live primarily in their heads, their main source of pleasure tends to come from thinking, rather than taking action. Schizoids tend to be creative and have a rich inner world, from which they may derive a lot of pleasure. For some schizoids, pleasure is derived from being a passive observer of the world. This means that even with anhedonia, there is potential for gaining worthwhile pleasure from being in existence.
3. The Strong Survival Instinct
Despite their emotional detachment and diminished drive due to anhedonia, many schizoids exhibit a strong survival instinct. This means that survival doesn't necessarily stem from a passion for life, as experienced by many neurotypical individuals. Instead, it may be rooted in a fundamental desire for self preservation and safety. The world, as perceived through the lens of a schizoid, can often seem threatening or overwhelming. This perspective, combined with their inherent desire to avoid harm, means that survival is not just about living for external rewards, but about preserving a state of safety and true self survival. It's not merely a biological impulse, but a deeply ingrained psychological need.
4. Schizoid Safety Sensitivity and Defenses
Central to understanding the schizoid survival instinct is the concept of their underlying safety sensitivity, which may be conscious or unconscious. This sensitivity to safety isn't just about physical harm but extends to emotional and psychological well-being. Therefore, schizoids often feel a pressing need to protect their true self from the outer world. The external world, with its demands, judgments, and potential threats, is navigated with caution. Any threat to their well-guarded inner sanctuary is met with a strong defense mechanism, whether that's through withdrawal, avoidance, distancing, or masking. By avoiding negative attention, they safeguard their inner world from external threats.
Summary…
The schizoid personality with its complex thought processes, behaviors, and feelings, defies simplistic explanations. Their strong survival instinct, despite experiencing anhedonia, is a testament to the human psyche's resilience and adaptability. For the schizoid, the world is a complex puzzle of potential threats and safe havens, with survival not just being about life but about the preservation of their true self. As we seek to understand those with schizoid dynamics, it's of value to approach their experiences with empathy and open-mindedness, recognizing the depth and richness of their internal worlds and the strength it takes to navigate a world that often feels overwhelming.
Video From My YouTube Channel: The Schizoid Defense
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