#experiencing the “only person in the room who's willing to take a position” thing

[mantisgodsdomain]

Slowly, yet painfully realizing that we're probably the exact type of person that random fandom guys would miscast as a father.

[gunnerfc]

Steph Catley NSFW Alphabet (18+, Minors DNI!)

A: Aftercare

You both go back and forth with who’s more attentive after sex but it’s normally Steph who’s up getting you water or something

B: Body Part (their favorite body part of themselves and their partner)

Steph’s favorite body part is her thighs, you always leave marks and little indents on them when going down on her and she loves the reminder they serve the next few days

Steph’s favorite body part of yours is your fingers, for obvious reasons but she also loves them for the marks/scratch marks they can leave in their wake

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Will have you clean her strap after she’s made you cum at least three times

D: Dirty Secret 

Wants to record the two of you just for fun and just for the two of you to have

E: Experience (Are they experienced? Do they know what they are doing?) 

Steph knew what she was doing but in her past relationships she filled the submissive role mostly but when the two of you hooked up for the first time, that changed because she liked being the one in control

F: Favorite Position 

You on your back as she fucks you with a strap so she can make out with you the whole time or leave bruise like marks all over your neck and chest

She keeps a tight grip on your waist/hips the entire time and you always know why you feel a bit sore in the morning

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)

It’s split 80% serious, 20% humorous only because she can be a bit giggly if she has been drinking

I: Intimacy (How intimate are they during the moment?)

Steph is a very intimate person and that defiantly crosses over when you’re having sex

J: Jack off (Masturbation HC) 

She’d understand if you were apart for a long period of time but since you live together, she wants you to come to her if you are feeling horny

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks) 

Exhibitionism, sort of.

She likes the idea of almost getting caught but she doesn’t want it to actually happen

L: Location (Favorite place to have sex)

Your shared home for the most part but if you get roomed together during away games then that works too

Though, even if you don’t get roomed together, that won’t stop the two of you from switching roommates for the night

M: Motivation (What turns them on?) 

Any time you wear her jerseys or training gear, seeing her name or number on your body leaves only one thing in her mind and that’s getting you out of whatever it is you’re wearing as quickly as she can

N: No (Something they wouldn't do)

She doesn’t like seeing you in pain, so anything that may hurt you is a no go

O: Oral (Preference on giving or receiving)

Steph loves both equally, going down on you is one of her favorite past times but whenever she’s on the receiving end, she’s having the best time

P: Pace (Fast & Rough? Slow & Sensual?) 

Slow and sensual, loves taking her time with everything she does with you

Q: Quickie (Thoughts on quickies) 

She’s indifferent, they don’t give her a lot of time to fully pleasure you the way she likes but she enjoys any chance she gets to have her hands on you

R: Risk (Are they open to experimenting) 

The only risk she is willing to take almost having someone walk in on you, the idea of getting caught drives her crazy

S: Stamina (How many rounds) 

You both go for 2-3 longer rounds but there are multiple orgasms so neither of you complain

T: Toys 

Steph’s favorite to use on you is a strap on that she had you pick out when you first started dating

U: Unfair (Do they like the tease)

Steph teases you so often, she loves hearing you beg and whine out of pure frustration

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make) 

She isnt the loudest, but she’s not quiet either

W: Wild Card (Random HC)

You’ve been caught once by Caitlin and instead of feeling panicked about it, Steph found it hot and has played it pretty close on a few occasions after

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s not very high, but also not low

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Falls asleep pretty quickly after you’ve both calmed down

[utilitycaster]

To elaborate on this post specifically with regards to Worlds Beyond Number, well, Suvi says it all, really:

They love being on my tab, they love having fun, they love being protected by me, but they never listen to me and they don't care.

Because here is the thing. Suvi is of the Citadel, which is part of the Empire. We do not have a full understanding of the geopolitical system but as a rule an empire is participating in conquest; sometimes two empires both exist and attack each other and so the exact scenario gets very gray and complicated but I think we do all agree the Empire is not great.

Suvi is of the Citadel. She holds a position of great privilege within the Citadel. This is in part because her parents were, as far as we know, betrayed and murdered by an enemy of the Citadel (having themselves been, again, based on what we know, reformers and rule-breakers as well as extremely capable spies) and she was adopted by one of their closest friends, who became the Sword of the Citadel.

She is not the Citadel. She is a 20-year old who was primarily raised within it, with all of the above complications of her parents. She is not single-handedly responsible for every action the citadel takes. She is not personally trying to stop Ame or Eursulon, only saying that there will be consequences if they leave. Consequences that she has experienced after Ame ran into the kudzu and Eursulon went after Naram and they all attempted to break Ame's curse; consequences she knows will become more and more dire if she continues to disobey Steel, particularly a direct order; consequences that already resulted in Ame being in a coma for a month. (The court-martial, I will say, is entirely on Suvi; the rest is not).

And in all of those situations: Ame and Eursulon were, as Suvi says, happy to have Suvi's purse pay for room and board, and her wizard's staff open doors, and to be put up and fed at the Chantry, and take the skyships, and train at the Citadel and have a marvelous time there. It's been several days and they could have left sooner, and they didn't. It's very "no ethical consumption under capitalism, which means that I can do whatever I want" rather than like, attempting to make slightly less harmful choices from Ame and Eursulon. Their choices aren't coming from a principled stance against the Citadel and Empire; they are coming from a "well, thanks for all the fun and the safe place to stay and the resources for research but you told me not to do something I wanted to do and I won't wait an hour to try and see if we can come to a solution that works for everyone."

For that matter, they're making these choices in part because of what a wizard of the citadel is saying to them; and yet Suvi's presence was said by that very wizard to be crucial to Ame's survival, and they're still not waiting.

[stepping outside of all of the above and the below: I think all the actions being taken, as a listener, are fucking great because this is D&D and conflict is fun and also all of these characters are like, the equivalent of 20 years old and level 2; this is not me saying Suvi is right and Ame and Eursulon are wrong. Rather, Suvi is no less right or wrong than the others, and she is extremely justified in feeling hurt and angry and that her friends are willing to take and not give.]

Something I've found in a lot of sf stories but especially actual play is a pretty strong and frankly, weird bias within the fandom of exactly this nature, as the linked post said. Someone affiliated with an empire or a power is somehow, as an individual, responsible for every harmful action that power commits. They're brainwashed. They're evil. They don't get it. They just need to come around to the right mentality. And that right mentality is, of course, that of the good rural person with nature magic. They are a leader within their small community and hold an immense amount of power over them - and perhaps beyond - but don't worry, they use it correctly. They're wise and they're right about everything.

Except they're not. They are frequently either idealistic to the point of ignoring the realities of the situation, or very limited in their viewpoint, or do not realize the immense privilege of being in their position as both a person in nigh absolute benevolent power within a small domain and also the only person with that power. Those wise, provincial, nature-based characters rarely understand that to exist within a complex and yes, extremely flawed and even ill-intentioned system like the Citadel is to be, even as a person with privilege within that hierarchy, a cog.

Suvi cannot just leave. She exists within a vast system and she is not stupid or brainwashed for acknowledging the realities of it. I think that yes, a very possible path forward for her is one in which she grows to question the Citadel's practices. I also think that to treat her as the embodiment of this entire empire, or to expect that her only way to be a good person is via a sudden about-face at the cost of everything she has, when she is a level 2 apprentic, is not just overly simplistic but flat-out incorrect. And I think that to assume Ame is objectively correct for not waiting a very brief amount of time for Steel (when, in fact, one could argue she should have left immediately upon being contacted; she had been absent from her duties for months already) is similarly oversimplifying to the point where one's conclusions are no longer useful.

Recall that witches' familiars are said to embody the traits within them that, to be an effective steward of their position, they often must set aside. Ame has been letting hers lead her.

[tortoise-bearing-cups]

Ministry rambles goooo (because someone reblogged an old comment of mine I never explained and why not, let's speculate a bit on the Ministry)

One of the things I find interesting is that Fudge gets himself in this position of power yet he is so influencable. But I don't think he's just some idiot. I think he has reasons for his decisions, and those reasons are: don't get in trouble.

Take Umbridge. I assume his relationship with her is like keeping a mean dog on a long leash. The leash is short enough that the dog isn't going to bite your kids. But it might bite the people you don't like, because it knows you don't like them, and you can just go, whoopsie! Dogs bite, y'know, it's in their nature, nothing for it. Best case scenario, the dog bites lots of people you don't like and there are no consequences. Worst case scenario, you can just shoot the dog.

So. Percy.

Percy is a very competent, overworking person with no idea what he's worth. I have a few guesses as to why he was allowed to run a department in the first place. His coworkers have their own jobs and may not want to take on extra work, especially if it's so much work Percy barely goes home. (Though he might also have been overworking himself to prove himself, or he may just not have wanted to go home.) It seems kind of strange that none of them are ambitious and want to take advantage--if Crouch was against hiring ambitious people, he wouldn't have hired Percy. Possibly they're all burnt out from failed ambitions already, say if Crouch takes on ambitious people, works them for everything they have, then promotes the next eager young person. (I have worked places like this.)

From outside the department, it may appear that Crouch has the new guy doing everything precisely because no one is going to promote Percy straight to Department Head. If someone more experienced replaced Crouch for months, they might get his job!

(As a side note, I am so, so curious about what Barty Jr.'s instructions were here. How much does he understand about his father's job? Was Percy getting good instructions or getting vague direction and having to figure things out himself? He didn't know about the Second task despite how involved he was with the Tournament, or he wouldn't have been surprised by Ron being there. There's also a lot of room for like, Dumbledore telling Percy that things are handled, and then when Percy shows up no one can see the task and it makes the Ministry look bad, because Dumbledore is not happy about the Ministry interfering at Hogwarts.)

But anyway, Percy and Fudge. Percy's job seems to be following Fudge around attending to him, writing things down, maybe keeping his schedule. (As others have said, he is perfectly positioned to spy on Fudge, oh my god, why would you accuse Percy of being hired to spy on Dumbledore and break with him.)

Fudge is very easily influenced, but again, I don't think this is just because he's stupid. It's blame-passing. His direct influences, Dumbledore and Malfoy, are directly opposed. He can listen to both of them, make what ever decision he wants, then claim that one of them convinced him.

It's not his fault!

Which is how, with Dumbledore gone, you can have Percy fill Dumbledore's role. It's not Fudge's fault that he made that decision, his assistant's information said it was what the people wanted.

(An interesting question is if Percy knows he's being used like this. I don't think knowing would stop him. He is GOING to oppose Malfoy's bullshit and get the result he wants, consequences be damned. And I can only see Percy getting more and more cynical as he sees how the Ministry actually works.

Though ...

What Percy sees is what people are willing to bring to Fudge, a guy who's made his opinions on Voldemort's revival clear. I can see Percy thinking that if there were any proof, it would cross Fudge's desk. But no one is going to bring Fudge information he will just ignore except to get mad at them, and it might take Percy a while to pick that up.)

... which is how we get to the scenario I was talking about, where Malfoy gets in trouble in 5th year and is no longer influencing Fudge. Fudge needs people to give him opinions. Fudge can try to replace Malfoy with another assistant, but unless he's willing to bring Umbridge back from Hogwarts, no one in that office is out-stubborning Percy. He has so many opinions, so many statistics, and he had to explain what statistics even are because the Wizarding World doesn't have them and--

So Percy ends up deciding a lot of things. Why stop him? Fudge has bigger problems, and if it goes bad, he can just get rid of him!

(Also, when Fudge gets punted the rest of the Ministers are like, "You want to do all the inglorious work of running the Ministry while I focus on the war? Sounds good to me!" Which puts Percy in a position to be vital to the Ministry but not seen as a threat, and to fuck with the DEs when they take over.)

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Samoa Joe NSFW Alphabet

Your welcome

Main Masterlist NSFW Alphabet Masterlist

Word count: 879

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Believe it or not Joe is a big ol softie 

Samoa Joe is the type of guy who would destroy you, then nurse you back to health just so he can destroy you again 

He enjoys after care, seeing you in pure bliss, he loves to see the effect he has on you

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Joe doesn’t necessarily have a favorite part on himself but overall likes his size

He loves how he is so much bigger than you

His favorite part on you is your thighs 

He loves to bury his head between your thighs 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Joe loves to make a mess all over you

Your stomach, your chest, everywhere 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This isn’t necessarily a dirty secret but a secret of his is that behind closed doors he is a real sweetheart 

He would do anything for you and I mean anything

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s been with many people 

He knows what he’s doing 

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Cowgirl, it’s his absolute favorite

He loves it when your bouncing on his cock, fucking yourself on him 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Joe is a serious man, during sex is no different 

However he isn’t afraid to crack a joke

He is more of a tease, laughing to himself how he can so easily turn you into mush 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Clean shaven 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When he wants to he can be 

Taking his sweet time with you, slowly making you come undone, it’s torturous

Although he can be soft and gentle most of the time he is rather rough 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation, how often)

Like every man he does it quite often (but I feel like it’s not as often as you would think)

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink (huge breeding kink, like massive)

Pregnancy kink

Overstimulation 

Praise kink 

Forced orgasm/orgasm control 

Spanking 

Cream pie 

Cockwarming 

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

This man can and will take you anywhere 

He typically likes the privacy of your own home, or hotel room but that won’t stop him 

He’s taken you on the beach, the pool, the gym, if he wants you, he gets you, doesn’t matter where you are and if you get caught 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He gets turned on by anything 

You will wear outfits that will drive him mad, teasing him throughout the day 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Sharing 

You are his and his only

He would murder anyone who even attempted to make a move on you

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He would rather give

It’s one of his favorite things 

He loves to eat you out 

He would eat you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert if he could 

He loves the way you cum on his face 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be slow and sensual when he wants 

Most of the time he is fast and rough

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies can happen at random times, if he gets that urge he will take you right then and there, it doesn’t matter where you are

Quickies do happen more often than you are both willing to admit but you both would rather take your time, not feeling rushed 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Joe is a risky man

He loves to take risks and experiment 

(always checking with you first)

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

I swear this man never gets tired, he can just keep going

It’s unnatural 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Joe definitely has a secret collection of toys 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He is a huge tease

He loves to tease 

It’s his favorite thing to do

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is loud 

W = Wild Card

Joe loves to absolutely destroy you

He loves to turn your brain into mush, destroying you completely to the point where you can’t even form sentences 

He loves to make you cum over and over again, you begging him to end the beautiful overstimulating torture 

Gently wiping the tears that fall from your face

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

5-6 but THICK

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very High 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Although you would suspect he would fall asleep he wouldn't dare sleep until he knows you are asleep

[thelostgirl21]

I have a bit of a sad interpretation of Radovid and Vizimir's relationship dynamic on the show, that I've occasionally touched upon, but never really took the time to fully address on its own; nor quite taken the time to reflect on how it affects his behaviors and the choices he makes on the show, as well as how he is experiencing his relationship with Jaskier.

As some of you may know, I was raised by a mother with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and only discovered, at age 30, that there was anything unhealthy and abnormal about our relationship.

Looking back, there are moments when I go "How the fuck did I ever think that was okay?!", but that's just the thing. If the grass you've been walking on since you were young has always been purple, you can't know that it's supposed to be green.

Often, parents with NPD will treat their children as an extension of themselves, absolutely "adore them", and be very protective of their relationship with them...

...as long as the child provides them with a steady dose of narcissistic supply, and makes them feel like they are the center of their world, that is.

They will also manage to create this very "it's you and I against the rest of the world, and we can only trust in and rely on each other!" worldview, that will keep their child psychologically isolated from any outside interference/influence.

Instinctively, we learn to become our parent's "sidekick", confident, the only one they claim they can fully trust, and do our best to avoid individuating - becoming our own person too much - outside of what they are willing to accept or tolerate from us.

We will take center stage only when they are proudly showing us off to other people, and sharing in our accomplishments - that is, when our successes are making them feel good and proud about themselves.

But otherwise, we tend to make ourselves smaller and let them hog the spotlight, as we know that our job is to make them feel important, admired, etc.

Our job, in social settings, is to be their #1 fan and supporter!

And, the more we succeed in making them feel good about themselves; the more we are "valued" and "cherished" by them.

From the outside, the relationship between us can even be idealized, because all people can see is a smiling child that's really close to their parent: we make them proud, they make us proud, and we offer to the rest of the world the illusion of a happy and close-knit family unit (an illusion we often learn to believe in ourselves).

But the "love" we receive from them is not a healthy kind of unconditional love and acceptance.

It is a very conditional, almost contractual kind of "love".

There is this unspoken agreement between us that, if we do a good job at making our parent happily bask in the positive reflection of themselves we can offer them - then we shall be rewarded with their "love" and "approval".

Sadly, that unspoken rule doesn't give you a lot of room to figure out who you truly are outside of that relationship, and become your own person.

It doesn't give you a lot of room to believe that becoming your own person even actually matters!

And it also comes with the hidden threat that, should we no longer be someone (or rather "something", because they tend to see us as objects and possessions, rather than full-fledged individuals) they approve of, we'll no longer be accepted by them, nor any longer truly be safe around them.

Our own wants, needs, and concerns are often minimized, ridiculed or downright dismissed, and treated as unimportant whenever it's something they do not wish to be bothered with, and/or they have no clue how to address and handle.

And, while I know that Vizimir isn't Radovid's father (on the show, that is), I still can't help but see a similar dynamic going on between them.

We don't know how old the two brothers were when they lost their parents, but there's this distinct sense that King Vizimir sees Radovid as someone that depends on him, rather than an equal.

Philippa also refers to Radovid as King Vizimir's "baby brother".

So, there seems to be this idea that Radovid is supposed to be young enough, compared to Vizimir, for the King to feel like he's someone that Radovid should look up to and rely on for guidance.

The idea that - although the two of them are full-fledged adults now - Radovid might still allow Vizimir to infantilize him and make decisions for him, is something that is actually suggested in later scenes.

Ex: Radovid stating that Vizimir is the one that has been trying for years to find him a purpose at court. Vizimir more or less deciding that Radovid is to attend the conclave without consulting with him on it first. The way he goes "let's get you hosed down with a quickness!", expecting him to go get a bath right away!

And, in true narcissistic fashion, Vizimir also has a strong lack of empathy for anything and anyone that does not belong to him, and/or that does not personally affect him.

He's annoyed by being blamed for the murder of that "stupid elven baby", while making it sound like it's something trivial the elves should just have gotten over. He makes it very clear that the one thing that upsets him the most about the failed Thanedd coup is the fact that his people might start doubting him, not the losses of lives that people suffered.

His baby brother - that he supposedly "adores" - goes missing and is presumed possibly dead...

...and there he is! Getting his portrait painted (how's that for symbolism?), joking about corpses showing up to the castle faster than living people, and upset about things not happening the way that he was promised they would!

Sure, he does ask Dijkstra for news of his brother, but only after he's asked him about what he's heard from the front.

And he talks about his little brother being "dead in a ditch somewhere" with a sense of angry entitlement. Basically, as a way of justifying his decision to get rid of Philippa to Dijkstra.

When I watched that scene, I actually couldn't help but wonder if that wasn't one of the reasons he'd sent Radovid with them.

Not that I think he'd ever have planned or intended to let his brother be endangered to the point of him potentially ending up dead, mind you.

But, because I think he's fully aware that his little brother is the kind of annoying little shit that you ask to stay put, briefly turn around, and then by the time you look back he's already gone off to catch lutes and seduce bards Gods know where!

So, I think he's using Radovid to purposefully make things more complicated for them.

I mean, come on! Philippa complaining that Radovid was no longer at the last place she left him (when he suddenly showed up during her meeting with Jaskier), and the idea of a whole fucking group of guards being unable to keep track of where a single prince with a bright red doublet and a heavy fur cloak "suddenly went" is kind of hilarious!

Just picture (or conceptualize, for those of you like me with aphantasia) in your mind, if you will, that large group of guards we later saw dead in the room Radovid was found weeping in by Jaskier, escorting Radovid through those woods...

...and suddenly! Radovid's gone! And none of them are able to figure out in which direction he took off, nor catch up with him!

The fact that they just went back to Aretuza to wait for him without launching a big search party through the night also suggests that this might be a bit of a recurring occurrence.

I can just imagine the scene...

Guards: *Walking, walking, walking...*

Guard #1: *Feeling things have grown awfully silent.* Say, which one of you currently has a direct visual on the prince?

Guard #2 [who's been newly hired]: Ah, why are you all talking like he's no longer with - *turns around, can't see him* Wait. Where did he go?

Guard #1: *Sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.* Not again... I suppose all of you guys walking behind him didn't see anything?

Guard #3: I swear he was right in front of me a moment ago!

Guard #4: There was this noise right *points to an area in the woods* over there, and I only turned my head FOR A SECOND to try to see where it came from!

Guards #5, #6, #7, #8, #9: Me too!

Guard #10: So, what do we do now?

Guard #1 : We follow the usual protocol.

Guard #2: And what's that?

Guard #1: Go back to the common room, stay put, and cross our fingers he doesn't get himself hit by a carriage, permanently adopted by a new family, or attacked by some wild creature and killed out there. He'll turn up eventually! If it takes too long, we can always try attracting him with his favorite food... Or walk around the area a bit, trying to follow the sound of -

Guard #3: We shan't be doing that again!

Guard #1: Oh, come on! If you'd just knocked, or asked if he was okay and needed anything before barging into the stables' stack room...

Guard #3: I thought he was in danger, alright?! It sounded like he was being strangled or something!

Guard #1 : *Shrugs* By this point, I'm just grateful we don't have to worry about him getting pregnant on top of it...

Guard #3 : And I really could have done without having to explain to King Vizimir why we brought him back home looking so disheveled, dirty, smelly, and with strands of hay sticking out from his hair and the fur of his coat!

Guard #2: Ah, are we still talking about the prince or the King's pet cat?

Guard #11: Yes.

Guard #2: *Looking even more confused.*

Guard #12: Just give it a few months, it'll make sense.

Guard #3: *Still mumbling to himself.* And the smug bastard had the audacity to just strut back into the castle like he owns the place, rub his shoulder against the King's, and head straight for the kitchen...

Guard #2: But what about that secret job Dijkstra gave us?

Guard #1: Well, to kidnap that princess we first needed to find that bard.

Guard #7: *Sighs heavily.* Yeah, and to find that bard, we needed the bard-locating gay prince that Dijkstra was hoping would lead us to them. Trust us, it's hopeless! We're going back and staying put.

So yeah, if Vizimir was operating under the assumption that Nilfgaard had no idea that the Redanian Intelligence planned to purge the Brotherhood of Vilgefortz and his spies, and he believed things would be relatively safe for his little brother at the Conclave Ball, he could very well have sent him there with them as a bit of an "insurance policy".

If things didn't perfectly go according to plan, and Vizimir felt like Radovid had been endangered in any way, then he'd have been able to use it to justify virtually any punishment he'd have wished to impose on his advisers for their incompetence.

It's not even about strategy, but simply about that instinctive need to keep that sense of control and power - of adding and imposing certain conditions, that he can then use to his advantage.

In essence, I fully trust that Vizimir would be smart enough to know that if Dijkstra and Philippa's plan doesn't perfectly work out, and Radovid goes through some "unpleasantness" as a result, he'll be able to use it to his advantage and double down on their incompetence, because complaining about how incompetent others are gives him the illusion that he's the smartest or most skilled person in the room, and from what I've seen on the show, it's one of the things that brings him great joy!

But I don't quite trust that Vizimir had the required level of wit to fully grasp the potential consequences of his actions - i.e. that if things went REALLY went south while Radovid was there, he could have accidentally gotten his little brother killed.

Essentially, I believe that Dijkstra's own reading of his motivations, when he said "No, it's all for show. Vizimir just needs to remind everyone who wears the crown," after he decided to assign Radovid to their team, at the beginning of the season, was pretty spot on.

He's basically just using Radovid to send them the message that "even a drunken idiot like my brother, with absolutely no experience in politics or intelligence work, could do a better job than you two!", and remind them of their place.

(Problem is that Radovid is far from being as idiotic, drunk, and clueless as he appears to be, and I'm pretty sure that Vizimir had no idea!)

To Vizimir, however, his little brother is basically just another tool for him to use.

The only person that Vizimir does seem to treat as an equal / idealize on the show appears to be Queen Hedwig.

I tend to see their relationship a bit as a "Thénardiers situation", where two narcissistic partners, with little to no empathy for people outside of themselves, have such highly compatible overall needs, goals, and ways of viewing themselves in relation to the rest of the world, that they'll form a very tight partnership, and get attached.

But even there, King Vizimir - until he eventually grew impatient - was totally willing to consider marrying Cirilla and having her replace Hedwig as his new Queen.

Then again, I wouldn't put it past Vizimir to be so naive and self-absorbed that he'd think Queen Hedwig would have been content with being relegated to becoming the "Princess Consort" to the King, or something.

Hedwig, however, was apparently perfectly happy with the idea of handing an innocent girl over to the Emperor of Nilfgaard, so she could remain in power.

And surprisingly, clever enough to manage to organize secret meetings with a Nilfgaard envoy right under Dijkstra and Philippa's noses, without either of them suspecting or noticing anything...

... until Radovid said something about it, that is.

It's no wonder that Dijkstra and Philippa chose to eliminate her, because she'd proved to be an actual adversary with the power of swaying King Vizimir's political opinions and decisions, thus threatening to reduce Dijkstra's level of influence over the King.

But Radovid?

He's really seems to just be this adorable little source of narcissistic supply to his brother - with no level of personal agency nor specific role in his world other than making Vizimir feel good about himself - and being a tool that his brother can use to pressure others, and/or prove a point.

Because, the King might have been overjoyed to discover that Radovid was still alive and enthusiastically went to hug him...

...as soon as he caught a glimpse of his own image (the portrait), he immediately stopped paying any attention to his brother and physically stepped away from him.

While the goal of that sidestep might primarily have been to allow the audience a clear view of the portrait; narratively and visually, it shows Vizimir's own ego as creating this "wedge" between the two brothers.

Actually, there's barely any room left for Radovid himself to be in that shot anymore (no, I didn't make the gif narrower here, it's really the way the scene is framed on the show)!

He's quite literally pushed aside and Vizimir himself - with his portrait - almost takes up the whole space!

Then, it's like Vizimir's instincts kick in and he "suddenly remembers" that he's not alone in the room;

and that he's got a "big brother role" to play if he wants Radovid to keep treating him like he's just the greatest in the world!

And even there, he "plays his role" by managing to make it more about him being upset, and what he intends to do to get reparation for the worry that Radovid's disappearance had caused him, rather than showing any interest in learning about whatever Radovid might have gone through, or whatever he might be feeling or needing now, following his ordeal!

"I should never have left you!" (i.e. I'm so important and powerful that only I can truly keep you safe, obviously! Had I been with you, clearly this never would have happened!)

"Don't worry there will be consequences!" (i.e. I'll use the fact that you were endangered as an excuse to punish people, so I can feel all powerful and important, again, while pretending to be doing it for your own sake !)

This scene does a superb job of reminding Radovid of his "rightful place" within the family, and that he should essentially be grateful for any bit of attention that King Vizimir is willing to bestow upon him.

Otherwise he's the spare, the invisible child, the one that doesn't matter and has no particular use other than being this adorably cute little doll that his brother likes to have around, but with no sense of agency or purpose of his own.

And his expression in that scene kills me every single time:

Because I think being around Jaskier is starting to make Radovid realize what real love and genuine concern for those you care about is and looks like...

And this isn't it...

Sure, his brother does not fully belong to himself and his first responsibility, as a king, should be to his people, first and foremost...

So, it's not like he could have expected him to abandon all of his duties and the threat of an ongoing war to personally go lead a search party for him out there!

Radovid can't really expect King Vizimir to fight for him the same way Jaskier and his family are willing to fight and risk everything for each other.

But how about... Oh, I don't know? Coming out of that hug while sparing a moment to really look at him, ask him if he's okay, and if there's anything he needs?

Instead, the scene pretty much goes:

"Yay! You're alive!"

"Wait. Hold on! Don't I look dashing?!"

"Oh! Right! You're still here, and I'm supposed to care about you!"

"A-hem! Here we go: you had me so worried!"

"But don't worry! Thanks to you, I'll finally be able to get rid of Philippa!"

"Ah, crap. She found you?" *Sigh* "Not going to lie, that sort of messes with my plans to have her executed, bro'..."

"No matter! You look absolutely awful and you stink! Let's order you a bath!"

In my humble opinion? That's not a big brother showing any freaking tiny bit of actual love, care, and concern for his little brother...

That's essentially someone that:

is happy that their lost car has finally been found and brought back to them,

accidentally catches their reflection in one of the windows, and takes a moment to admire their new stunning outfit,

is then annoyed to discover that the one they were planning to blame for stealing stealing the car is, in fact, the very person that found it and brought it back home safely;

and now, they want to have it sent to the carwash, because someone took it for a joyride while it went missing, got sweat, dirt, and a bunch of other things all over its seats, and it stinks!

I know that this scene made a lot of people see Vizimir as having basically a single redeeming quality - i.e. genuinely loving his little brother and wanting his happiness.

And I'm not saying that it can't be interpreted that way. That we can't see Vizimir as sorely lacking social skills and being very clumsy in his affections, rather than having full blown NPD, etc.

But, to me, it hit extremely close to home, and was borderline triggering.

Because Radovid could have died out there, according to Vizimir he looks awful and he stinks...

...and yet, his big brother is more interested in getting rid of the smell (what bothers him), and moving on; rather than asking him what happened, why he looks so awful in the first place, why he stinks, and if there's anything he can do to make things better, or offer him support.

He's showing Radovid no actual love nor concern for what he went through. He's just glad to have gotten his favorite "pet" back!

By contrast, when Jaskier had found Radovid weeping alone in a corner, he'd stopped, sat down, asked him what happened, and then offered him some actual help.

Jaskier looks at Radovid while caring about what he's going or has been going through - even after he'd behaved in a way that had disappointed him earlier - while Vizimir utterly lacks the ability to see him, and only cares about how his disappearance had him - Vizimir - worried.

Like Radovid himself said, Vizimir isn't "bad", and I don't believe he would go out of his way to hurt Radovid under normal circumstances (not unless he suddenly started perceiving him as a threat).

Narcissism, after all, is a spectrum, and I don't perceive Vizimir as being a highly malignant nor skillfully manipulative one.

He is actually awfully quick to "forgive" as soon as you flatter his ego, and you suggest a course of action that he thinks will make him look good, or feel influential (he got over Yennefer's "betrayal" within seconds!).

But Vizimir wanting his little brother to be happy, for example, wouldn't be proof of actual "love", nor a proof that he can't have NPD, either. On the contrary!

People seem to believe that individuals with NPD are never interested in doing anything that benefits or pleases others, when some of them can be huge people pleasers, to the point where it can become a problem!

Because, should you fail to be in awe of their generosity and profusely thank them for what they've done for you - should you dare say "no" to one of their grand, generous offers (or say "no" in a way that fails to first take note of that generosity) - you might just risk getting yourself on their shit list!

So yeah, there's absolutely no denying that, ultimately, King Vizimir chose to let his little brother go - he took the decision that most pleased Radovid - but we don't see how the whole argument between them went, and what motivated him to make that decision.

Just that Radovid seemed elated to be allowed to leave (and with good reason!)!

Our brains can therefore take it in a variety of directions.

And mine personally found that scene both "funny" (in a Gilderoy Lockhart exaggerated caricature of someone with NPD kind of way... Especially since paintings and mirrors are often used in stories to symbolise NPD... ), and really painful, borderline triggering to watch.

It hit very close to home, and made me feel like the only reason Vizimir and Radovid had any kind of relationship - at all - was because Radovid had been smart enough to behave in a way that would avoid setting his big brother's insecurities off, and allowed Vizimir to be made to feel as self-important as he needed to be in their relationship.

It made me feel like Radovid had instinctively found a way to remain safe, and stay in King Vizimir's good graces at court, by simply adopting this gentle and seemingly inoffensive baby brother persona, and had never shown any interest in ruling or even simply occupying any space that Vizimir had been unwilling to offer to share with him.

And it gave me the very distinct vibe that, to King Vizimir, Radovid simply is not his own person.

He's basically just this cute little "pet brother", that he can dote upon to his heart's content, thus making himself feel good about how great a big brother he is!

It made me genuinely feel like Vizimir absolutely does not love nor see him; he simply loves how Radovid makes him feel, and the positive image that Radovid keeps reflecting back to him.

And I think that, within that context, Radovid did the smartest thing he ever could have done by asking King Vizimir to let him go the way he did. Because he made it sound like Vizimir had done everything he could to try to find him a place that would make him happy at court, and was being very non-confrontational about it.

Radovid made it sound like the "problem" came from him, not from his brother nor his environment, and made sure to express some form of gratitude towards his brother at the same time as making his request to leave.

He sort of went: "Despite your best efforts, I pretty much suck at everything here and won't be of any help to anyone. But, I've found something out there that I feel might suit me and would like to give it a try. Will you please let me?"

What I find interesting, too, is that, in the next scene, we see Radovid asking his manservant to go sell some of his valuables to get the coins he'll need for his journey.

This either suggests that Radovid has always been using whatever money his brother gave him to buy stuff for himself with it right away, thus putting no money aside for emergencies...

...or that the "annuity" Prince Radovid has been receiving from his big brother has actually always been offered to him in the form of luxuries, rather than actual money (that would have provided Radovid with a greater sense of financial/personal autonomy from his brother).

This also suggests that, while Radovid was successful in convincing his brother to let him leave, Vizimir didn't exactly go out of his way to offer to help him on his travels, either.

So, I tend to imagine that the conversation between them having ended with something like "Fine! But know that if you're determined to do this, you'll be on your own! I can't afford to spare any resources to help you go chasing after love in the middle of a war!" or something like that, with Vizimir fully expecting that his little brother would come running back to him, tail between his legs, as soon as he'd be forced to face the world on his own out there.

And the other aspect that makes me highly suspect that, deep down, their whole relationship wasn't based on genuine unconditional love and trust, but on some kind of unspoken narcissistic agreement, is that Radovid truly was concerned that his big brother might believe Dijkstra's lies over his own word and have him executed for treason, to the point where he kept the truth behind Queen Hedwig's murder to himself.

So, King Vizimir and Prince Radovid both appear to be wearing masks and playing roles with each other, to either receive narcissistic supply (Vizimir), and/or have the King's "love", "approval", and "protection" (Radovid).

And Dijkstra's threats to Radovid were so effective, I think, because it made Radovid doubt not only in:

a) his own ability to keep his big brother's love and approval in the face of Dijkstra's lies, but also

b) his brother's own ability to keep him safe at court from Dijkstra and Philippa...

After all, if Dijkstra and Philippa were confident enough to commit regicide and openly tell the Crown Prince about it - while 100% believing that they would be able to get away with it should Radovid rat them out (i.e. that Vizimir would side with them over his own "baby brother") - well...

... let's say that Radovid better find a way to keep everyone happy with him, and get himself out of that difficult situation!

Up until that "head in a box" moment, I think Radovid could afford to be a little shit and condescending towards Philippa and Dijkstra because, as "King Vizimir's favorite pet", he thought of himself as being untouchable.

But he's not. As the text accompanying his casting card said, to him, "It's all games until someone gets hurt."

And the interesting thing is that Radovid's contempt towards the two spymasters, until then, seemed to be related to their methods, that he appeared to highly disapprove of, and even find ridiculous (" Yes, Dijkstra. Use me. Shall I, uh... chat with kitchen hands? Uh, watch for shady carriages rolling up? Shadow my brother's wife? You seem nowhere close to finding this powerful Princess Cirilla.").

He also clearly tells them:

"And I'm wondering if perhaps our methods of obtaining the girl would be more easily achieved with a carrot than a stick."

And, to me, that was one of the most important lines that Radovid has spoken on the show - to people that aren't Jaskier - that reveal who he truly is, deep down, and hopefully the kind of leader that we could expect him to become.

Because I think that, despite being the product of a highly manipulative and narcissistic environment, and having been conditioned to see all that "purple grass" as being "normal", somewhere along the way, Radovid has managed to develop the belief that power is more effectively gained by building alliances, and offering people something they want or they need in exchange for their help/services, rather than constantly resorting to threats and deep political intrigues.

At his core, Radovid is not at all dominating, controlling, nor seeking to take advantage of people...

His instincts appear to be geared towards negotiation, collaboration, and seeking solutions that will benefit everyone involved as much as possible.

There's also the fact that, when asked what was going on through Radovid's head when he's crowned king in the aftermath of Vizimir's murder, Hugh Skinner answered: "I think it's absolute disbelief. He's been so sort of directionless and trying to stay under the radar in this world full of death. And then he finally meets the love of his life, and then he's sucked right back in. I think he's absolutely terrified and totally gutted."

There really is this sense that the loss of his brother isn't as traumatic to him as the fact that he's now unable to leave that highly toxic, loveless, and manipulative environment behind.

Another thing that feels like a bit of a red flag, in terms of Radovid being the victim of narcissistic abuse, is how much effort he instinctively keeps putting into trying to make Jaskier feel good about himself, and/or the way he's seen attempting to fix everyone's problems on his own (rather than asking for help).

I mean, he did say "I'm scared, Jaskier".

And again, I'm not blaming Jaskier for his response, because that's usually what people are seeking from him: reassurance and acceptance.

"Just saying that, makes you braver than you know," is not a bad response at all! That's actually typically what people expect or want from Jaskier.

Because, if you want to offer someone courage, and let them know you don't think any lesser of them for being human and having fears, that answer is absolutely excellent!

But, if I'm remotely right about Radovid, then openly asking for help would be extremely hard for him.

Because when your concerns, worries, fears, etc. have systematically been treated as a nuisance, and/or the people that have claimed to love you have been systematically threatening to withdraw their love and approval if you brought them more trouble than satisfaction throughout your whole life, then you learn to avoid complaining about what bothers you, and you instinctively try to solve your problems (and sadly, often other people's problems) on your own.

And it can be extremely hard to trust that the person you are growing attached to will still like you if you are in a situation where you need their help, unless they are the ones to openly offer to help you.

So, when Jaskier didn't ask Radovid why he was scared, nor showed any open interest in helping him handle what scared him, Radovid immediately went back to offering Jaskier a positive reflection of himself - letting Jaskier know that what makes him so special is how he sees the best in others.

Radovid went right for what usually allows him to get any bit of love, approval and comfort from the people that are closest to him in his life - i.e. focusing on the other person's needs, and letting them know how great they are - while keeping the source of his own troubles to himself.

He's still being genuine with Jaskier - as I believe that the positive image Radovid is offering him is an entirely sincere one - but Radovid's instinct is to push his own needs aside, and attempt to earn Jaskier's love and approval by positively feeding Jaskier's ego.

Then, there's also the way that he seemingly internalized Jaskier's disappointment in him to such levels that he felt the need to tell Jaskier that he "shouldn't have to stay and listen to him" (when Radovid had simply been answering Jaskier's own questions until then, not asking for his attention), while sounding like he genuinely believed it.

Or the very sincere and heartbreaking confusion on his face when Jaskier expressed concern over Radovid's safety, and offered him an escape route (sending him to friends that he trusted would help him reach Tretogor safely).

Because normally, in the world Radovid has been living in, the mistake he'd made, and the way he'd failed to earn and effectively maintain Jaskier's approval of him, should normally have been sufficiant for Jaskier to completely stop loving him, totally wash his hands clean of him, and let him be captured and killed!

In a "purple grass universe", love is something conditional that must be constantly earned, rather than something that naturally occurs between two people that emotionally connect and choose to look after each other's needs and well-being.

You want your heart broken into a thousand little pieces?

Re-watch the scene where Radovid takes that piece of paper from Jaskier while answering "I don't get it."

And consider that, perhaps, he genuinely doesn't. That it might be the very first time, in Radovid's life, that he is experiencing what it's like to have someone genuinely care about him, acknowledge him as simply being human, and act like he still deserves help and understanding regardless of his flaws and mistakes.

Servants and guards are duty bound to tend to his needs and see to his safety...

Vizimir treats him as a pet, and only cares about Radovid making him feel good about himself...

Courtesans are more or less usually looking to increase their own social status, and access luxurious court entertainment, by associating with him...

And then, there's Jaskier...

Jaskier, that notices he's only pretending to be a drunken idiot to keep himself safe, so the vipers in the nest he's living in will pay him no mind...

Jaskier, that is willing to take the risk of being emotionally raw and vulnerable ("Extraordinary Things") with him, in the hopes that Radovid will know it's safe for him to be honest and authentically himself with Jaskier as well...

Jaskier, that sees him cornered and weeping in a room full of dead guards, knows he is at risk of being found and captured if he remains there without any protection, and spontaneously offers to share his own resources to hopefully help him reach safety...

Jaskier, who clearly states that his plan (to allow Radovid to walk out of his life) has changed, refuses to go with him only because he needs to find his family first, and seems distraught at the thought of Radovid coming with him instead, because he doesn't want to put him in harm's way...

Jaskier, that fears for him, cares for what happens to him, and worries about him, regardless of Radovid having disappointed him earlier that day...

Jaskier, that chooses to help Radovid and take responsibility for him out of love, and because of his ability and desire to connect with what Radovid is going through - to understand him...

He's not duty bound to serve him or look after his needs, he's not after increasing his social status, he's just able to connect with him as a person.

And so, when Hugh says that Radovid makes this connection with Jaskier that he's never made before, I don't think this even is about romance... I think it's literally about experiencing for the first time in his life what genuine love - of any kind - directed at himself, feels like.

Radovid is portrayed, on the show, as someone that has the capacity to love unconditionally and accept others as they are as well, but has never been allowed to fully realize the implication that, technically, he deserves to be loved unconditionally and accepted despite his own fears, flaws, issues, and mistakes, too.

And that's why the way that Jaskier spoke to him in that cabin, when he found Radovid looking for Ciri, hurt me so much...

His whole life, I believe that Radovid has been forced to suppress his own identity to be safe at court and "loved" by his brother (and perhaps his parents before him).

I don't think he's ever been loved and appreciated simply for who he is, nor been free to fully figure out - and especially openly express - who he is!

Jaskier had every right to be disappointed and criticize Radovid's actions and behavior, this is true.

But, instead of keeping the focus on what Radovid did wrong (i.e. something that can be corrected, changed and improved), Jaskier lashed out and attacked the core of who Radovid is...

And he did so, shortly after Radovid had expressed to Jaskier that he believes he has able to see people for who they truly are, not what they pretend to be, and to see the best in them.

It hurt - deeply - because Jaskier is apparently the very first person that Radovid has been able to make an honest connection with (according to Hugh, at least). The first person that he's trusted enough to allow himself to be vulnerable and sincere with.

And all it took was one mistake on his part for Jaskier to immediately be so disappointed in him that he withdrew all the love and approval he felt for Radovid (what victims of narcissistic abuse are conditioned to systematically fear, and believe will happen to them if they make a mistake they can't effectively justify), and tell him that he's nothing but a lie at his core - empty.

Behind the masks that Radovid has learned to wear to keep himself safe at court, Jaskier is now unable to see anything worth loving, caring for, or continuing to connect with anymore.

Radovid doesn't exist. He's no one. He's nothing­.

And, for Radovid, I think that Jaskier's response- withdrawing any love or approval as soon as he fails to meet his expectations - is normal.

Because he's spent his whole life being taught that the moment others became disappointed in him, or he became more trouble than he's worth, they'd be totally entitled to stop caring about him. And he'd only have himself to blame.

Radovid didn't even look or sound alarmed at the thought of being abandoned by Jaskier - to be captured and found - in that little corner of that room by that point, because it's all normal.

Jaskier is fully entitled to abandon him to die, should he wish to.

That, Radovid perfectly understands.

But then, Jaskier does something unexpected. He seems to realize that he let his own issues and fears get in the way earlier, that Radovid had been telling him the truth (perhaps not the whole truth, but he'd been honest about the risks he'd taken by ditching his whole security detail to keep him and Ciri safe, at the very least...), and shows Radovid that you don't stop caring about people just because they made a mistake that disappointed you.

Despite what Jaskier said earlier, the love and connection between them is still there - just shaken - and Jaskier still sees something in Radovid that feels precious enough to be worth saving and protecting.

He can't and won't abandon his family for Radovid (something that's entirely reasonable), but he's not abandoning him, either. He's fully willing to share some of his own Sandpiper resources with him in an effort to get him to safety.

And, when Radovid offers to go with Jaskier instead, Jaskier's main concern is to make Radovid understand that he's planning to basically rush headfirst into something very dangerous that could very possibly get him killed.

Again, he's worried about Radovid's own well-being and safety, first and foremost.

I think that's why I don't perceive Radovid's desire to go with Jaskier as some grand excessive foolish romantic gesture, but more as Radovid finally choosing to embrace who he truly is - give himself a chance to fully figure it out -over what other people want or expect from him.

Radovid, by this point, has literally nothing left to lose, but everything to gain - himself, most of all - by leaving his brother and his old life at court behind.

Radovid was literally making a choice that was worth dying for. The kind of emotional well-being and safety that a relationship with Jaskier offers him is 100% worth following him on some suicide mission.

Especially given that Jaskier himself doesn't exist all alone in a vacuum. He has a family, friends, social connections so precious to him that he's willing to risk everything to preserve them.

If Radovid is to begin making a life for himself, he might as well start there - do everything he can to help Jaskier be safely reunited with his loved ones, and explore the possibility of developing his own relationship with the members of Jaskier's family - integrate their group rather than attempting to have Jaskier all to himself.

And the funny thing is that Jaskier's family is filled with people that Radovid might have an easier time relating to than most.

Jaskier himself was born into nobility, and eventually chose to drop his title (and often his birth name) to pursue his own path and do what he feels like "he was put on this Continent to do", instead of what was expected of him as Viscount.

Cirilla is literally the Crown Princess to the Cintran throne.

Yennefer was once mage adviser to the King of Aedirn.

And then, there's the family goat... That's just as stubborn, principled, and grumpy as Dijkstra; but, as opposed to Dijsktra, Geralt greatly values, prioritizes, and respects the lives of all living beings over the prosperity of a single nation.

And, given Radovid's favorite song is (or likely was, before "Extraordinary Things") "Song of the Seven", I'm guessing that Radovid's own worldviews likely aren't purely human centric, either, and he might find Geralt's perspective on the world highly refreshing.

Actually, considering Radovid's own disdain for Dijkstra's and Philippa's political schemes and the games they enjoy playing, I could easily imagine them sharing a drink, while openly mocking and complaining about all that political pompous nonsense, fully agreeing that humans can really suck.

So, Jaskier's own family, oddly enough, would actually have been one of the easiest families for Radovid to be able to successfully integrate, and the most likely group of people to be able to appreciate Radovid for who he is as a person, first and foremost, rather than for the inherent political power he represents.

And it makes his forced coronation all the more heartbreaking and tragic.

Because until he met Jaskier, he could pretend that purple grass world was normal and go through the motions of his emotionally empty life...

But now he knows there's a whole world out there with green grass that "suits him" and that can offer him the type of emotional connections he actually needs...

And now his path to that world filled with warmth, love, and possibilities has been significantly blocked to him and he's stuck in a world that he finally knows he was right to fear.

Someone please just fucking get him out of there.

Another thing I find interesting, in relation to Radovid's behavior, is that victims of narcissistic abuse, that grew up in a narcissistic household, will also often struggle with boundaries - be it setting bounderies with others or identifying other people's boundaries - and when we accidentally cross them, we may experience a lot of shame and guilt, disproportionately so.

Which is another reasons why having Radovid sort of make Jaskier's problems his own, and having him go see Ciri without explaining his plan to "fix things" for everyone first, makes a lot of sense to me, too.

He single handedly decided that "it would make things easier for us" if Ciri came to live to Redania, because I genuinely think that he came to the conclusion that it would fix things for the most people involved, not out of any desire to trick Jaskier or go behind his back.

- He'd be out of Dijkstra's thumb and his brother might stop insisting that he keeps "playing spymaster" to annoy Dijkstra and Philippa.

- Ciri would have access to the support and protection of the most powerful army in the North.

- Jaskier and his family would be safe.

- A war with Nilfgaard would likely be averted, since it would create a powerful slliance between the North, Cintra, and all the nations having sworn fealty to Cintra... And, since Ciri is Elder Blood, Nilfgaard might also lose the support of the Scoia'tael.

- Ciri likely would refuse to come to Redania if Geralt and Yennefer aren't allowed to follow, perhaps bringing with them some much needed change to Redania.

- As narcissistic as King Vizimir is, as long as you present things to him in such a way that he can take credit for it, and it will make his people love him, he'll be on board with pretty much anything!

- And yes, obviously, if Jaskier's family "move in" and Jaskier himself chooses to "stick around", they'll be part of the same group, and free to be fully honest with each other.

I obviously can't say for sure what Radovid's whole reasoning behind going to see Ciri was, but I'm pretty sure that when he said that it would make things easier for "us" he pretty much meant it as in Jaskier, his whole, family, even the whole freaking Continent, and not just himself.

We are basically trained from birth to constantly "read into people's minds" (then made to feel inadequate whenever we misread them) when it comes to their wants, needs, and intents, because narcissists will keep their demands vague to escape responsibility, and it's our job to figure out what they want.

We thus learn to constantly anticipate other people's needs, and find solutions before they even ask for our help, in order to feel safe.

So Radovid just taking initiative like that and trying to make things easier makes tons of sense.

And that's also where the similarities and differences between Jaskier's empathy and Radovid's empathy are so fascinating to me.

Like Radovid said, Jaskier sees people for who they really are, not who they pretend to be. And Jaskier will tend to treat them in accordance to how he sees them, rather than the way they act - often at his own expanse (sadly), when that person isn't ready to show the sides of themselves that Jaskier sees in them.

Geralt never "changed" over the course of 3 seasons. Who he is, in season 3, is simply starting to finally resemble the person that Jaskier has always been able to see buried beneath all of Geralt's own fears and abandonment issues.

I believe that Jaskier saw the way Geralt kept self-sabotaging his relationships, and trying to cut himself off from his own emotions, sensitivity, and visceral need to connect; and he stubbornly refused to let him destroy and isolate himself.

That sort of "no matter how hard you try to push me away and prove to me that you're the monster you claim to be, I'm not going to do the same thing your mother and the rest of the world did, and abandon you. Because I see you, and I know you're wrong about being unlovable."

Geralt basically spent 20 years regularly "acting out" with Jaskier; testing his limits as well as the strength of his affections...

...until he went way too far with what he told him on the mountain and, I think Jaskier realised then that you simply can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved, no matter how much you love them, and no matter how much you empathize with them.

And, while Jaskier "saw" Geralt, he couldn't be everything that Geralt needed, back then, in order to allow himself to heal and start trusting that those familial bonds could truly be real and enduring.

I mean, Geralt and Yennefer are two people that did attempt connecting with others in the past - only to be seen as outcasts and monsters by society - that eventually reached the point of losing faith in people's ability to put other people's needs before their own, and ever see in them something genuinely worth loving.

Whereas Jaskier was this 20 year-old innocent, wide eyed, overeager puppy that imprinted on Geralt the moment he laid eyes on him, and decided he loved him and would follow him to the end of the Continent!

I'm not saying that Jaskier's love isn't valuable to Geralt, far from it!

But I could imagine how Geralt would be unable to trust that Jaskier would be able to love him as he truly was, and not an idealized version of himself that only existed in Jaskier's own mind.

I can understand how hard it would have been, for Geralt, to feel worthy of that level of devotion and affection, when he can't see what Jaskier sees in himself whenever he looks at his own reflection, and when he's utterly lost sight of those parts of himself.

And Jaskier treating Geralt according to how he saw in him rather than how Geralt pretended to be, while continuously forgiving or dismissing the sometimes awful way Geralt treated him, only increased Geralt's insecurities, I think.

Geralt locked away parts of himself so deep that he managed to make himself believe they didn't exist anymore; that his "true self" was that emotionally detached "Butcher" that needed no one (except Roach), and that the last thing he wanted or needed was someone wanting and needing him.

And yet, here they were...

Because all Jaskier could see in Geralt, despite the Witcher's best efforts to hide it, was a loyal protector that feels, loves, hurts, and connects with others deeply.

Someone that judges people not according to their nature nor physical appearance, but according their intentions, their potential for healing and for change, all the while being keenly aware of any outside and inner forces and influences at play.

If a werewolf only becomes murderous and dangerous to others because he can't control his actions while in wolf form, he'll find him a medallion that prevents him from turning into the wolf to keep others safe, rather than assassinate him.

Geralt has a deep respect for life and for all living creatures, and he deeply struggles in a world where people are willing to carelessly sacrifice lives for power, or out of blind senseless fear.

He is a deeply sensitive and beautiful soul.

Jaskier saw it. He saw him, loved him, and basically kept trying to remind Geralt that he was beautiful and worth loving; but sadly he wasn't ready to see and embrace it. He wasn't ready to see and love himself, nor believe that he could inspire such feelings in others.

Essentially, to Geralt, it's entirely possible that he feared Jaskier would eventually leave and abandon him the moment he realised that the person he loved didn't exist, and that he couldn't love the monster that Geralt believed he'd become over the years.

And Yennefer chose to abandon Geralt the very moment she learned that he had chosen to tie his fate to hers in order to save her from the Djinn, too.

Yes, Yennefer was grappling with her own insecurities, abandonment issues, and her own beliefs that she was "unlovable". She feared that Geralt's affections for her were just the fabrication of some Djinn's magic, not something she could genuinely inspire in the heart of another being.

She feared no one could ever love her for herself and for real.

But it still sent the message to Geralt that - once again - the decisions and choices he made, with the best intent in mind, were so terrible and awful that people would rather desert him than stay with him to try to figure things out together.

He tried doing the right thing, and still ended up hurting those he loved.

And, despite all evidence to the contrary, in Geralt's mind, I can imagine that it might just have been a matter of time before Jaskier would have realised that Geralt is basically cursed to continuously make things worst by trying to make things right, and hurt or kill those he loves the most as a result.

He might have instinctively felt like the best thing he could do was push Jaskier away before Jaskier finally abandoned him, too; or worse he winded up getting him killed.

Anyway, going off a tangent here, but my point is that Jaskier tends to see and love people for who they are at their core, rather than who they pretend to be...

...except when he's afraid of being wrong, and that accidentally seeing someone as better than they actually are might make someone he already deeply loves and feels protective of suffer.

Ex: He couldn't see Yennefer properly at first, because he saw her as someone that was highly manipulative, selfish, and predatory, that could take advantage of and hurt Geralt.

And he hesitated to fully trust what he saw in Radovid, too, because he was afraid that Radovid could be a knife that could harm Geralt or Ciri (and was struggling with his own trust and abandonment issues in relationships as well).

Whereas Radovid appears to very quickly have the ability to figure out what people most want and need, the motivations behind their actions, their vulnerabilities, and the lies they tell themselves.

As mentioned earlier, I think Radovid's biggest mistake, with Philippa and Dijkstra, came from his belief that he was safe from them given his position as Vizimir's "favorite pet", and Radovid's general disdain for how they tend to use their own intelligence to play senseless "games" with other people, in situations that could be handled much more easily, directly and effectively by offering them something in return.

Radovid's disadvantage towards them, I think, also came from him having always attempted to distance himself from politics and court intrigues, and therefore having a poor sense of how far some "players" are willing to go.

Philippa and Dijkstra are expert manipulators that revel in that sense of power and control, and will find sadistic pleasure in catching an opponent off guard.

Radovid strikes me as a potentially expert counter-manupulator, that could give them a run for their money and oppose them if (and this is important) he is given access to the right tools and resources to do so.

He's someone that could clearly see what they are doing, why they are doing it, use their own motivations and vulnerabilities against them, and flip the tables on them when they least expect it.

This is often why manipulators tend to be highly drawn to those with very high levels of emotional intelligence and empathy.

Their intelligence type - the way they think and analyze people's behaviors and are able to guess their motives - are extremely alike.

But whereas one (the sociopath) thinks: how can I take advantage of others for my own benefit, so I can stay in control and remain on top?

The other (the empath) thinks: how can I find the right balance between their needs and mine, so we can all grow stronger together, and build community?

One seeks to take power for themselves.

The other seeks to share power and empower others.

And whereas one feels energized and delights in their ability to skillfully "play games" with others (and will continuously seek challenges and conflicts so they can continue to prove their own intellectual superiority and dominate situations).

The other will only "play those games" and go head to head with manipulators out of necessity (generally, to keep themselves or others safe from those that are trying to take advantage of them), would rather avoid conflict, and will find it generally unpleasant and energy consuming to engage in these types of strategic plays.

People like Radovid represent a juicy and often irresistible challenge to manipulators with more antisocial traits.

They are a bit of an oddity, you see...

Because expert manipulators, like Dijkstra and Philippa, are often utterly unable to fully trust anyone but themselves, and they essentially believe that everyone is like them - that they would all take advantage of others if they could, and the only reason they shy away from power is because they aren't intelligent or cunning enough to outsmart those like them at the top, and take control.

They will attempt to morally justify their own actions with a "dog eats dog" mindset, convinced that if they hadn't gotten to you first, then you'd inevitably have attempted to get to them.

And someone like Radovid - that finds honesty and authenticity deeply beguiling, doesn't appear to be driven by a desire to take advantage of people nor seek power for himself, and would rather use his talents to empower and help others, rather than dominate them - challenges those beliefs.

So, manipulators will often try to put them in situations where they are cornered into using their own abilities to influence/manipulate "the game" - to perversely "help them" fully realise, and accept, that they are fellow wolves in sheep clothing, just like them.

There's this very weird, toxic, and highly dysfunctional sense of kinship and respect that might even develop in certain cases.

It's actually a concept that has often been turned into a trope, and romanticised in fictional stories.

i.e. The sociopath that becomes deeply attached to the highly emotionally intelligent and empathetic "hero", that is able to understand the way the sociopath thinks, and anticipate their moves, yet stubbornly remains "good", regardless of their best efforts to corrupt them and have them accept that, deep down, they're just like them.

So, Philippa's sudden interest in Radovid and her reflection that he is "good" at this game, to me showed that sort of natural sense of attraction that occurs between sociopath / empath.

She sees something of herself in Radovid that fascinates her and that she's curious to explore - see if she can push him to embrace those gifts they both share...

But, unlike Philippa, Radovid is not someone that derives any joy in taking advantage of others for his own gain.

He may not see or know people the way Jaskier appears to be able to see them, but he's very good at listening and figuring out what makes them "tick", and what to do or say to convince and influence them.

And, like I've just explained, those are abilities that you can either use to manipulate, dominate and stay in control (be a knife that cuts through them)...

...or to share power, find the balance between different people or groups of people's needs, empower them, and help them heal (be a spoon that feeds them).

And Radovid displays those skills in a variety of ways on the show.

For example, it was pretty clear Philippa was going nowhere with Jaskier, because she doesn't understand him - at all.

If she'd listened to his songs, she'd have known that Jaskier is a fiercely loyal friend, that has faced countless life threatening situations and dangers by Geralt's side, and would probably be willing to endure horrible pain and die rather than betray those he loves.

Fortunately, however, they have the most powerful army in the North, and Ciri and her family so happen to be in need of protection.

So, if Ciri allies with Redania, then Cintra and all the nations still loyal to Cintra will join forces with Redania. They'll have a big enough army to keep the Scoiat'ael, Nilfgaard, and pretty much whatever and whoever is going to try coming after her, Geralt, and Yennefer at bay.

And okay, maybe he might have gotten carried away for a moment there, when already suggesting to Jaskier that they get married he becomes their royal bard, but he's not wrong!

Despite Redania not being perfect it's still, technically, their "least bad option".

When he asks Jaskier to sing him a song, he also asks him to pick his favorite - thus showing interest in listening to Jaskier sing about what pleases him, rather than the song that Radovid himself would have enjoyed most (Song of the Seven)...

... AND he mentions that his guests would love a song about his "white-haired Witcher" - again, showing a care and awareness of other people's needs.

But the way he says that Geralt is Jaskier's is also something I find extremely significant.

It may seem a small detail, but telling someone "I'm perfectly comfortable listening to you passionately singing the praises of a close companion you deeply love" is a pretty strong way for Radovid to show compersion, and let Jaskier know that the idea of him being on the ambiamorous and/or polyamorous side (note: I consider that the term "amory" refers to different forms of committed companionships, not just romantic ones) does not bother him.

With a simple single request, Radovid is able to convey that he wants to listen to Jaskier tell him about what pleases him; that he's someone with the ability to take other people's needs into consideration rather than making demands that will solely benefit himself, and that there's no need for Jaskier to pretend that the love he feels for the significant people in his life means less to him than it does when he's with him.

And yes, I really do like to headcanon that the first verse of "Extraordinary Things" was improvised on the spot by Jaskier.

Because, as an ambiamorous person myself, the day I discovered that my romantic interest not only accepted, but strongly supported, my closest and most intimate friendships without any hint of jealousy or feeling remotely threatened by the idea that my heart could love multitudes, I fell even deeper in love with him.

I believe that this is when I started perceiving him as my primary partner, rather than an "interest"; and that this unconditional acceptance I experienced from him is what naturally lead him to eventually become my monoamorous romantic life companion (though many of my friendships have remained fairly queerplatonic).

That sense of complete and utter freedom to be myself, and to love the way that I love - rather than the way others would want me to love based on any social rules and conventions - triggered some very deep and visceral sense of attachment and connection towards him.

Especially since, back then, I didn't have all those terms and labels to describe how I felt, and help me conceptualize and even fully understand it.

Until then, I had been used to my boyfriends or girlfriends expecting me to adopt certain specific "romantic behaviors" towards them, and "friendship behaviors" towards others.

I'd been taught that, apparently, snuggling up to your best friend to watch a movie, while allowing him to play with your hair, should be reserved to romantic partners, especially if you're a woman and said friend is a man.

I'd been taught that your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" should apparently be "entitled" to feel jealous, or even disrespected, if they catch you doing such a thing, and it's unnatural to want to express platonic emotional love and intimacy through physically sensual behaviors.

But why?!

How is my snuggling up to my best friend preventing me from doing the same with my boyfriend or girlfriend later on to express romantic attraction instead? And/or why should it hinder my ability to fully commit to my romantic relationship with him?

Frédérick is thus pretty much the first partner (a cisgender heterosexual man, no less!) that didn't enter the relationship with any expectations, and allowed us to define our romance and set our own boundaries according to our respective needs and wants, rather than how we "should" behave with each other and with our friends as "boyfriend and girlfriend" according to society's conventions.

He trusted me, was deeply curious about me, excited to discover where the relationship would take us, and he couldn't see why my being emotionally, sensually, and even sexually close to any other friend that I had platonic feelings for should take anything away from the romantic relationship and companionship that we were sharing and slowly building and defining together.

And I swear, if I'd had a lute between my hands, and the ability to spontaneously improvise songs like Jaskier can back then, I'm pretty sure that what would have come out of my mouth would have been something akin to "Extraordinary Things".

Because such an approach to a relationship - that feeling that the other person is attempting to get to know you, figure you out, and simply attempting connect with who you are rather than come at you with a list of everything they think you should be to meet their needs - makes you feel safe, wanted, accepted, and like you are finally enough.

With him, I have enough. And with him I am enough.

And we know Jaskier's able to do it! If he came up with "Toss A Coin To Your Witcher" on the spot, you bet that he can improvise the first verse and chorus on "Extraordinary Things", just because Radovid keeps looking at him like Jaskier is absolutely fascinating, and wonderful, and he's drinking up every single word coming out of his mouth while he sings!

So yeah, my headcanon is that the first part of "Extraordinary Things" was 100% improvised by Jaskier when he finally realised that Radovid's attention and interest in him and the content of his songs was entirely genuine, rather than him pretending to like his music so that Jaskier would be tempted to let his guards down around him.

That when he saw how eager Radovid was to listen to Jaskier sing about what pleases and inspires him, Jaskier's mask totally fell off, and the words and melody just spontaneously poured out of him!

And I like to headcanon that the second part of the song might have been written after the Thanedd coup.

"Drop the sweet disguise,

Your heart's beating too loud,

The fairytales and little lies can't drown out all the sound,

So take this heart and break this heart for extraordinary things... "

Because it acknowledges that Radovid seemingly going behind Jaskier's back broke his heart, and that he was hurt by him having hidden his full intentions from him the night before...

While stating that those mistakes ("the fairytales and little lies") aren't enough to make him lose sight of the love that is there, and all the extraordinary things that they could gain by being (enough) together.

There's a sense of forgiveness, hope, and understanding in that second part of the song that makes you feel like Jaskier already knows Radovid is way more than a mask, and that the connection between them has indeed been tested, but was not broken.

That he doesn't perceive what Radovid did as a betrayal, but as "fairytales and little lies", something Radovid has learned as a result of having grown up a "fairytale prince" in a dangerous "purple grass kingdom" where being truthful and fully lowering your mask can get you killed.

It's something he's learned, not who he is. And to show who he is, he needs to feel safe and be allowed some room to stumble, fall, and learn.

When it comes to Radovid displaying his empathetic skills on the show, I also headcanon that one of the reasons why Jaskier had been hesitating to sing, until then, and saying he wasn't in the mood, was because Radovid had been pretending to be drunk and to have no idea what he was talking about as he'd been sharing intel with him. 

Jaskier came to him with a genuine request for help, not to play games. 

But, in Radovid's "purple grass world", playing games is the default way of communicating. That's all Radovid has ever known.

And, unlike Jaskier, he has no personal stakes in the situation other than Jaskier himself. 

It's not Ciri that fascinates him and that he'd like to grow closer to... 

It's Jaskier himself.

So, while he is wearing his mask and lying about having no idea who Codringher and Fenn are, I believe that he was genuinely more interested in getting to know Jaskier during that scene, than talking strategy (he was also aware that his brother intended to hand Ciri over to Nilfgaard by that point... So, it's entirely possible that Radovid's sudden lack of interest in discussing plans that would get Ciri closer to coming to Redania had to do with him knowing Jaskier was better off not trusting his brother to keep her safe for the time being)!

And while listening to "Extraordinary Things", I think Radovid realises that Jaskier is taking a significant risk by being so open, honest, and vulnerable with him. That his request for help is genuine, because he can feel that Radovid cares about him, and that he might be in a unique position to help him.

And Radovid truly paid attention to his song. He takes the time to express to Jaskier that he finds them irresistible, because he sees people for who they are, not what they pretend to be... He manifests a strong desire to continue to get to know him - sending Jaskier the message that he's worth putting in time and efforts to learn to understand him...

In the meantime, he agrees to do what he can to help him find out more about Rience, expressing a willingness to be someone that Jaskier can rely on for help.

And he is seen hesitating briefly, before asking Jaskier "Does the Witcher know how lucky he is to have you?", having seemingly correctly guessed - from listening to him singing about "being enough" (and probably having heard "Burn Butcher Burn") - that Geralt hasn't always been appreciative of him, and Jaskier still carried some of those scars. 

And the dazzling smile he got in return pretty much told Radovid all he had to know - that he'd been right, and it was exactly what Jaskier had needed to hear.

Radovid doesn't use Jaskier's vulnerabilities against him, he offers support and validation to help him heal and grow more confident in his own worth.

He then then attempted to use Dijkstra's own influence over his brother to prevent him from handing over Ciri to Nilfgaard the moment she joined with them (while tragically miscalculating how far they'd be willing to go)...

Because Dijkstra is actually the only person that Vizimir listens to, besides Queen Hedwig.

Dijkstra and Vizimir have a very symbiotic relationship, and no matter how much Dijkstra likes to pretend that he and Philippa are a team, he's utterly unwilling to share power with her when it comes to King Vizimir. 

Vizimir doesn't feel threatened by Dijkstra, because Dijkstra presents most of his ideas while being very careful to make it sound like they are Vizimir's, and gives the King the illusion of being a great and brilliant strategist. 

While Dijkstra's level of control and influence over Vizimir gives Dijkstra the illusion of being king, and therefore the true power behind Redania's throne.

Philippa did the right thing for herself by not involving Dijkstra in her strategy, I believe, because Dijkstra has kept proving, in the season - over and over again - that he's not listening to her, nor is he willing to consider doing things in a way that doesn't force her to always rely on him for influence.

Dijkstra would prefer to fucking die while he's still on top - let Philippa kill him - than ever consider the possibility of getting rid of the threat to Philippa's life (a.k.a. King Vizimir), knowing full well that if he (Dijkstra) dies, Vizimir won't "magically" start trusting her and listening to her once he's gone!

She's got no direct relationship with Vizimir.  She's - not unlike Radovid - Dijkstra's freaking "pet owl", rather than an equal with her own agency as the king's adviser.

King Vizimir has his "pet brother" (with no agency of his own at court. He doesn't even have his own money, apparently!).

Dijkstra has his "pet owl" (that has no direct working relationship with King Vizimir of her own).

And Dijkstra's mistake, I think, was believing she'd be content with forever remaining his sidekick, and exerting an indirect influence on the King through him, rather than directly sharing and seeking power. 

She keeps hinting to Dijsktra that she's unhappy with the way things are, and asking him to show interest in Radovid - as a favor to her - all season.

I think King Vizimir's decision to have her take the fall for what happened at Thanned was the very last straw that may have forced her hand; but it seemed pretty clear that, as long as Vizimir remained in power, she'd be forced to remain Dijkstra unofficial subordinate rather than his true partner.

There's something a bit poetic in the idea that Dijkstra's "pet owl" 's solution for reclaiming her own power was putting King Vizimir's "pet brother" on the throne, though.

And now, it's her game they shall all be forced to play... 

If Dijkstra wants to continue to have any influence and power, he'll either need to learn to truly share with her, or go against her. 

And Radovid, well... 

He might need a Sandpiper.

So, there really is a lot of similarities between Jaskier and Radovid's empathetic abilities and insightfulness, but in a way that really complement each other. 

One of them sees and falls in love with people's potential and everything they could be.  He seeks to inspire them to embrace the parts of themselves that they are too afraid to fully acknowledge, and nurture their potential. 

While the other quickly perceives people's strengths, vulnerabilities, wants, and needs; and will know how to address them to help them heal, deal with their issues, and/or find efficients solutions to their problems. 

They are, in a way, almost perfect for each other. 

Because Radovid seems to have grown up being the "spare", the "invisible child", the one whose whole individuation process was heavily stunted by a brother whose ego kept pushing him out of frame, in a highly toxic and manipulative world where his survival depended on blending in, while appearing completely witless. 

But he loves Jaskier with the trust, abandon, and innocence of someone who's never truly been hurt in love before, simply because he's never been truly loved. 

It's a new kind of connection for him.  Something that feels freeing, safe, and wonderful. 

Meeting Jaskier showed Radovid a world where the grass is green.  Where people from the same family love, support, and are willing to make sacrifices for each other.  A world where it's safe to trust, make mistakes, show concern, share power and elevate each other. 

A world where the parts of himself that he's had to hide his whole life are what drew Jaskier to him, not something undesirable, dangerous, or to be mocked. 

And, the moment Radovid finally realised that the reason why he'd been so adrift until then had been because he doesn't fit in his brother's world, Philippa stopped him from leaving, and put a bloodied crown atop his head. 

Radovid's bound to undergo one hell of an identity crisis from that point on! 

And the truth is that I believe he's got every single required quality to be an amazing King and foster positive change on the Continent. 

But he might need someone that's able to see that potential in him, and inspire him to have faith in himself. 

He might need someone that has already built trust with the outcasts of the Continent, has developed his own underground network and contacts, and might allow him to reach out to various groups of people that might be able to help him to take power back from Philippa and Dijkstra. 

He might need someone with such a talent for influencing the public's perception of who someone is, that he could easily make the whole Continent fall in love with Radovid and see him the way Jaskier himself sees him. 

What Jaskier did for Geralt - create a positive, heroic image of himself in people's minds - in he could do for Radovid. 

He's the fucking "Sand Lark".  Regardless of him being the descendant of Fjall and Éile or not, Jaskier is as influential as a bard as the Lark ever was. 

If he wants to make the people of the North rally behind Radovid as their King, that wouldn't even be a challenge for him! 

And once Radovid's got his people's attention and trust - once he's finally seen and known for who he is - he should be able to lead and influence them directly.

Because accurately guessing what people need, and coming up with strategies to help them meet those needs is what he does.

All he needs is people's willingness to trust him and follow his lead, and the actual power to make decisions.

And Jaskier could definitely use someone like Radovid that makes him feel seen, valued, and appreciated, sees all he has to offer, and is likely to be understanding of Jaskier's emotional struggles and issues. 

Because Jaskier's problem isn't figuring out who he is or being invisible.  He's loud, flamboyant, fills any space he walks in with his presence, and doesn't go unnoticed. 

But he's the scapegoat, the one that's too loud, too annoying, too impulsive, too much... and yet he's also never enough!  At least, not to the people that matters most. 

We don't know why he chose to become a bard and stopped using his Viscount title. We don't know if his family might have treated him as a disappointment, and/or why he never talks about them... and perhaps we never will!

But the way Geralt essentially blamed him for ruining his life did leave some scars, and likely heightened his hypersensitivity to any real or perceived rejection (that I believe was there even before he met Geralt, because he's extremely ADHD coded, and RSD is often something that tends to co-occur with ADHD). 

Jaskier knows who he is...  but he doesn't trust in what he's worth.  

He's "just a bard", he keeps getting into trouble, making matters worse, tends to hide his sausage in the wrong royal pantry, people want to kill him, throw things at him, and break his things, often over the way he loves too differently or too much... 

It's only very recently that Geralt has finally learned to openly show him affection, appreciation and reciprocity. 

To be clear Geralt, in season 3, is absolutely wonderful with Jaskier!   He's taking full responsibility for the way he hurt him, and doing all he can to make sure not to add to his self-doubts and issues. 

Ex: He clearly states that the only reason he doesn't want him to go with him is because he's scared of Jaskier getting hurt, and promises to come find him right after he's done.  He's not abandoning him nor pushing him away. 

He quickly reassured Jaskier that he's not upset that he's been talking with Philippa without having told him about him - that he trusts and loves him regardless of what he does - he's just curious to know what this is about. 

He reaches out for Jaskier's hand for comfort and allows himself to emotionally rely on him.

Geralt is finally embracing who he is and the person that Jaskier fell in love with and saw all along.  This is also helping Jaskier overcome his insecurities. 

Yennefer and Ciri have also adopted him as one of their own, and even freaking Yarpen Zigrin expressed his thanks for the way he risked his life for his men, and seems to have gained a new appreciation and respect for him. 

But it took him 20 years - and a lot of hurt and doubt - to finally get there. 

His found family mean the world Jaskier, and there's plenty of healing to be found there. 

But the thing is that it's healing he's finding amongst those that once made him deeply doubt about being enough, or worry about being too much.  Even Ciri's first response to meeting Jaskier was to just walk by and utterly dismiss him. 

Every now and then, Jaskier's bound to continue hearing those ugly voices in his head that are telling him that he's the one shoveling the shit that happens in people's lives!  

The voices telling him that his songs are nothing but pies without filling, and those that listen to him sing would realise he's got no substance, and stop loving him.  That the best thing that could happen in one's life would be for him to be taken off their hands.  Etc.

But then, there's Radovid, that calls his songs irresistible, is drawn to what Jaskier expresses in them, and fascinated with the way he sees the world... 

Radovid, who genuinely believes that the only good thing in the whole mess this season was meeting Jaskier, when Jaskier is the only reason that Radovid has gotten himself involved that deep in this whole mess to begin with!

Because Radovid only started showing some level of competence and willingness to play his own game with the spymasters because of that connection he developed with Jaskier. 

Otherwise, he'd probably have continued to pretend to be a drunken idiot and passively tagged along or annoyed Philippa and Dijkstra out of boredom, rather than made any effort to bring Jaskier and his family to Redania to help keep them safe.

Jaskier is the reason Philippa saw Radovid's potential, and ultimately chose to put him on the throne!

Once again, Jaskier made it all happen!

And yet, Radovid feels that meeting Jaskier - that Jaskier himself - is a GOOD thing.  The only thing he's grateful for.

He's not getting angry at him because he got himself in a pile of shit that Jaskier shoveled his way!

Because Jaskier's not to blame for Radovid's world being so screwed up that revealing parts of oneself to dangerous people out of love triggers such a mess. 

Radovid's voice is the ultimate countervoice to all the ugly voices that were put in Jaskier's head. 

Having Geralt say that he's lucky to have him might not be enough for Jaskier to truly believe it anymore...  Because what's to say his friend is not just feeling guilty over how deeply he hurt him, and is just attempting to make Jaskier feel better regardless of what he really thinks? 

But having Radovid say "Does the Witcher know how lucky he is to have you?" gives some much needed extra credibility to the idea.

If someone - from outside his relationship with Geralt - sees how wonderful he is, and how lucky Geralt is to have his friendship, devotion, and support...  Well, maybe what Geralt said in the past was just Geralt's own issues talking, and he truly didn't mean any of it.

Maybe, if Geralt says "I'm lucky to have you, Jaskier," he truly means it.

Radovid's relationship with Jaskier - the way he readily offers him words of affirmation and appreciation completely unprompted - has the potential to heal and strengthen the bonds between Jaskier and the rest of his found family as well.

It may sound counter-intuitive but as much as the cabin scene hurt, I think it shows just how much Jaskier instinctively trusts or wants to trust Radovid, too.

Because he's utterly unafraid to confront him, and show Radovid the deeply wounded and even more vicious side of himself. 

Their connection feels real, healthy, and like it has all the foundations of True Love™, because neither of them appear to be looking at the other with rose tinted glasses and expecting the other person to be perfect, or to change who they are and what matters most to them to suit each other's needs.

They have both complementary empathetic skills AND emotional damage, of all things!

So yeah, I think this is literally the longest piece of meta I've ever written on anything probably EVER, but I've been really (over)thinking about this for a while now, and had a mighty need to put the bulk of all of these thoughts down.

Like I said, I don't mind if people choose to interpret Radovid's relationship with Vizimir in a different way, and see the two brothers as sharing a loving brotherly bond with each other.

But Radovid is so survivor of narcissistic abuse coded on the show, and King Vizimir's utter lack of interest in asking his little brother if he's even remotely okay, or needs anything upon his return (just going on about how HE was worried sick, and how HE never should have left him, and how HE intends to punish someone about it... Oh, and by the way he looks awful, stinks, and needs a bath!)...

Well... Let's say that sort of cemented Vizimir as very much lacking any sense of genuine human empathy towards his baby brother in my mind.

The only act of actual "love", in that scene, to me, happened off-screen, when Vizimir agreed to let Radovid leave to go pursue something - someone - that suits him. And I have absolutely no idea how that conversation ended, and what was said between them in that moment.

Only that Radovid looked really happy to be allowed to escape from there, and needed to sell some of his valuables to get the funds he needed to travel and go help Jaskier.

But the scene between King Vizimir and Radovid? I personally couldn't feel the love there. 30 years with a narcissistic mother have taught me that hugs don't mean much, and "I was worried sick" is more about the person's own feelings, rather than expressing actual concern when it's not accompanied by something like "are you alright?"

King Vizimir is a ridiculously entertaining character that's a lot of fun to watch, but the implication of some of his behaviors are rather heartbreaking for Radovid.

So yeah, if you needed more reason to feel very protective of Radovid, and wish for him to get plenty of love and extraordinary things in future seasons, here are a few others for you!

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

NSFW Headcanons~ Tim LaFlour

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Something tells me that Tim was a late bloomer both sexually and aesthetically. I don’t know how else to say it but I think you know what I mean: he was a dorky and slightly gangly looking teenager who only really got “hot” towards the end of high school; which directly coincided with his lack of sexual experience. 

- Nevertheless, by the time you’d met him, he’d already made up for this late start with a bunch of odd and experienced/experimental girlfriends so in the grand scheme of things, he’s got a low “body count” and a surprisingly in depth knowledge of the world of kinks: which means you’ve kind of won the lottery. 

- The only thing that’s a downside of being in the bedroom with him is his occasional attempts at abstinence or similar paths to enlightenment. But even that isn’t really a problem. He’s pretty prone to accepting loopholes when it comes to sex because he feels bad about “not providing for you” and because; technically, he’s not receiving pleasure by going down on you; which is a complete and total lie but okay. 

- You don’t even give him much grief: you probably just sigh and look slightly disappointed and he caves like you just spent an hour begging him to take you to bed. Which he subsequently does and boy is it nice. 

- But, since we’re on the topic of oral, let’s talk about blowjobs. He’s a fan of them like most other men but he’s more likely to turn them down in favor of going down on you because of the whole “depriving himself of pleasure” thing. 

- That being said: when he isn’t trying to torture himself, he’s a nasty little fiend and that’s sort of just a fact. To him, there’s nothing better than some good old fashioned lewdness and depraved debauchery; sloppiness lovingly included. 

- Sometimes, he’ll be too riled up and desperate to spend a lot of time on foreplay but more often than not, he’ll enjoy it quite a bit and consider it a very necessary part of sex; even just for himself. Just know that on occasion, he won’t be able to stop himself from ravaging you in a school bathroom because he spread himself too thin on his path to enlightenment. 

- Tim is flexible when it comes to his role in the bedroom. He tends to be a soft dom but he’s also a bit of a masochistic submissive so as long as you’re not expecting him to be a hardcore bdsm brat tamer, you’ll wind up with your perfect sexual partner. 

- Everchanging speeds and varying levels of roughness. Tim doesn’t have a preferred or tried and true method of thrusting into you so you pretty much just play roulette whenever you go into the bedroom with him. 

- Experimentation. He’s the type of person who’s willing to try just about anything once but he does find it difficult to hurt you; even if you outright ask him to: which is kind of funny considering how much he enjoys a little pain with his pleasure. 

- Prone bone, missionary, against a wall, in the shower, doggystyle, etc: he’s happy to try any position you can think of; sometimes multiple in a single night. 

- He can and will just pick you up and rearrange your guts without breaking a sweat and it never fails to both surprise and impress you. You’ll be making out against a wall or one of you will be on your knees and surprise! He’s got you off your feet in a matter of seconds: making you feel like you’re on cloud nine and entirely weightless. 

- After one of his bouts of celibacy, the two of you christened every room in your apartment and a majority of the flat surfaces in his hockey teams locker room and you still feel kind of flustered every time he brings you into the room because of how many memories you get while standing there. 

- Speaking of: he is absolutely none the wiser to how often you fantasize about him. He’s ridiculously attractive and makes everything look good and you can’t help but remember all of the ways he makes you feel good; even when he’s just acting adorably sweet. He’ll come to sit with you after hockey practice, panting and sweating and just gushing about how fun it was or saying how tired he is but all you can think about is how the sounds he’s making remind you of the ones he makes in your ear as he-

- His roommate definitely heard the two of you having sex before; though you probably try to smash when he’s gone or occasionally rent a motel or something. That being said: Tim probably just pats him on the back and casually tells him that he might want to head out for a while “dog” before heading into the bedroom himself.

- Honestly, you guys probably casually look at different porn together like it’s a normal thing to watch on a random Wednesday night. You never have to worry about whether or not he’ll walk into the room; or vice versa, because the most he’ll do is question what you put on and watch over your shoulder for a couple minutes before carrying on; unless you’re asking for “help” or something.

- He’s definitely bought one of those Kama Sutra-esque books or searched around online in order to find out what position is best for the girl during sex; or something of the sort. He has a binder full of research that revolves around making sure you enjoy yourself in different types of situations: like days where you’re on your period or if you have specific need that need to be met.

- You honestly never have to feel insecure about anything. He’s the sweetest guy ever and makes you feel completely comfortable regardless of your level of experience or your opinion of yourself. Just confide in him and he’ll either reassure you or avoid whatever makes you uncomfortable without a second thought: and trust that he’ll be checking in with you anytime he senses that you’re not into something any more.

- Giggly sex. Tim is not a serious person and sometimes that translates in the bedroom.

- He absolutely loves when you kiss his neck; it never fails to get him going. Just be careful of when you do it because he’ll either jump your bones or, if he’s already on top of you, get too distracted from what he’s doing and wind up accidentally edging you. 

- He’s a boob guy and that’s just a fact. He loves every kind but he has a particular affinity for ones with piercings so congratulations if you have them.

- Your naked figure definitely turns him on but he also just finds himself innocently admiring you. He’s more likely to catch you getting changed and just feel lucky that he got to see you in the nude rather than popping a boner for thirty minutes after the fact. It’s kind of sweet actually.

- He has an infatuation with seeing you in leather and other more alternative types of lingerie so if you really want to get him going, surprise him with that.

- Tim is probably at least somewhat into the whole dominatrix thing so keep that in mind when you’re with him. He said it himself: without pain and deprivation, one can never experience true pleasure.

- Pull his hair, scrape your nails down his back, bite him a little; what have you. You probably did it the first time without thinking and immediately thought to yourself “oh shit, oh shit, what the fuck did I just do” but he responded with a broken moan and you were suddenly not so nervous any more. He’s constantly leaving the bedroom with bruises and a smile on his face.

- Dripping candle wax on him. I told you he was depraved.

- Bondage. He likes having your hands on him too much to tie you up but you’re more than welcome to tie him. And given how good he looks when he’s attached to your bed frame, you’re probably gonna wanna take him up on that offer. 

- Threesomes. Tim's the type of guy to happily bring another dude into the bedroom but don’t expect him to just sit back and watch. If you’re having a guest, he’ll want one that he can experiment with as well so try to plan accordingly. 

- He’s probably into pegging and that’s all I’ll say about that.

- He has a big dick; I know this for a fact, and his big dick is pierced so do with that information what you will. 

- He’s impartial to how he finishes so it’s really just up to you to decide. 

- Tim’s great at after care but he’s also the type of person who needs it himself. Don’t be surprised if he’s the one who requests to cuddle or shower together, or whatever else a person could need/want.  

[stevie-petey]

hiiiiiii m! read s2 ep2 and i LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!! <3 i actually am so relieved that steve reader friend divorce era is over......idk why but friendship breakups make me sadder than actual romantic breakups, partly because friendships themselves are so selfless and sort of by design the least selfish, or self interested you can be, with the benefit just being "we get to hang out!". i'm fascinated that steve forgave her so quickly as well, maybe because he's in a vulnerable spot right now (???), but i really did enjoy that reader was willing to make amends instead of sort of just digging an emotional hole for herself and exaccerbating the problem. i'm excited to see if she'll be as proactive down the line when things get more serious between them.

the way you handle nancy is interesting. i'm glad you don't shy away from reader being jealous of nancy and the attention of johnathan and steve and being pretty and rich, which omg, can drive full grown adults crazy, so why wouldn't a teen girl feel it, but also see nancy as like a full person? i also really appreciate your/reader's willingness to see both sides of the conflict, at least so far. a lot of people, from what i've seen, seem to view that night as a very traumatic night for steve where he got his heart broken, and that's true! it is! but it's also a night where nancy got blackout drunk from survivor's guilt that everyone around her told her to ignore in favour of just forgetting everything she experienced. that would make anyone upset! she probably does feel like her relationship is bs if it's main priority is not allowing her best friend's parents to find peace and move on! anyways, what i'm saying is that it's nice to have a realistic yet emotionally mature main character, and one who is so because they themselves are emotional and very in tune and self aware of them and others, instead of for just like, the plot vaguely, or because of modern sensibilities, no it's just an established and consistent part of her character, which is hard to do and it's so cool that you do it so well near constantly!

but i really was cheesing a lot like it just felt like a classic early 2000s CW show which is the high i'm constantly chasing. one tree hill season 1 episode i think 13 college party was very much the vibe i was getting. i should have been wearing cheetah print and leather and listening to the strokes as my friends convinced me that local basketball player was really the only guy who ~gets~ me. "i'll be" by edwin mccain plays in the background as we make eyecontact from across the room. you set the vibe, is what i'm trying to say.

billy was weirdo and creep and i'm happy he was acknowledged as such!!! not kidding when he came up to the reader i was also uncomfortable and it just had that very deeply horrible frat guy energy that makes every person subjected to it feel very objectified, and i think it's even more interesting that this is, from what i remember, one of the first time someone's shown outright interest in her, so i can imagine that that makes it even worse. i also sort of like the set up of johnathan defending her and steve holding him back, feels very much a great physical example of their position so far, with both johnathan playing a larger role in her life, as well as maybe signalling that johnathan's role as her protector, friend, confidant, all that is now passing onto steve's "hands", as steve's quite literally holding him. idk if that's too much i just had fun! and steve's final thoughts. my god. what an oblivious young man. the immediate jealousy and awe he feels.....his willingness to forgive....her promise to him as he confesses........both very moving and also amazed he hasn't realised his own feelings yet and excited that it will take him longer to do so. them making the promise together especially was so good, and such a good parallel to the one she and johnathan made in s1, and i'm excited to see if steve and r are able to uphold it better than johnathan was and how it'll serve to highlight the differences in their relationship.

very lengthy so my apologies, have a nice day and looking forward to ur next chapter!

hi angel !!

u touched on something SO BIG and i loooove discussing it: steve forgave reader so easily. and YES it was a bit ??? but later itll make sense. overall weve seen that steve just so genuinely trusts readers intentions with him, he never doubts her honesty and hes been pulled towards her since day 1, so of course he immediately was like “oh yeah we can be bffs again <3”. HOWEVER ,,,, this will play a huuuge role later (next chapter i believe). we’ll get more insight and steves vulnerability that night also def helped

and nancy !!! yes !!! i had to rewatch her scene with steve in the library a million times and i just felt horrible for them both. they want to help each other, and as ive said before about jonathan and reader, steve and nancy take care of people in opposite ways and it makes them clash. nancy wants to be proactive, steve wants to be more on the down low and tend to those he has already. hes accepted and moved on, nancy has moved on but hasnt accepted.

and as for the jonathan n steve scene i originally had jonathan holding steve back, but honestly it didnt feel right. jonathan, as much as he sucks sometimes, will ALWAYS be the first to defend y/n. every time he will. steve will too, but jonathan has that spot rn and hed rather die than let her get hurt </3

as for billy ,,,, so incredibly excited to flesh out his dynamic with reader. it wont be romantic in the slightest, but reader will have some insight into billys homelife due to max, and u bet she’ll use it against billy.

and im SO HAPPY the party scene felt real <333 thank u for the lovely asks i adore dissecting my chapters with yall its my <3333

[im-captain-basch]

Whoops, accidentally had Cranky and Wrinkly when they were much younger on the brain and wrote fanfic about it.

---------------------------

"Why do you like me as a friend?"

Donkey looked up from the stack of books he'd placed down. Inari sat on a table across the room. A perfectly good chair stood askew to her position, ignored in favor of being able to swing her legs back and forth. Her elbows rested on her knees with her hands cupping her face. One—or at least Donkey—would think based on her words that she was upset, but she seemed rather content. At least, that's how it appeared outwardly.

"What do you mean?" he finally asked.

"You could have literally anybody else in the village or even in the rest of the kingdom as your friend—you're the prince for stars' sake!" she blurted with absolutely 0 restraint, throwing her arms out.

"Yeah, and…? You're not my only friend, Ina. There's also Karate and—"

"I know, I know, it's just… out of all of them… you hang out with me the most…" She tapped the tips of her fingers together, pondering her next words. "Aren't you… afraid of what people will say?"

Donkey took a step towards her, teeth bared. "Why are you asking such things? Whose putting these thoughts into your head?"

Inari scrambled off the table, rushing over to him. His words made her panic, and she realized he might have mistook her meaning to be something else. Book-smart the prince certainly was, but people-smart he most certainly was not.

"No one, I promise! Well, I guess I'm doing it to myself." She sighed, turning away from him. "What I mean is… aren't you worried people might take our relationship differently from how we do?"

Inari had already experienced a couple of their other friends asking her about it. It had been as a joke, more or less to tease her for how close the two of them were, but it made her worried now that everyone else perceived it the same way.

"Ina, you're a very good friend of mine, and a very talkative one at that. I've always found that interesting about you," Donkey said, placing his hands on her shoulders. "However, while usually I can tell what you're trying to say while using twice as many words as needed… I genuinely can't at the moment. Please explain?"

"They might think… we're dating…?" His eyes widened, and Inari thought there was the faintest hint of his face flushing at the mere thought, but she ignored it for his sake. "I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, least of all you, so I'm just mostly afraid, is all."

The two shared a silent look for a few moments. Donkey broke out into a mischievous grin.

"Next time someone suggests it, you should say we are actually dating."

Now it was Inari who turned red in the face, though her change was much more evident than his.

"Th-that is a bad idea!" she stammered.

"Is it? We're not considered too young for it to be taken seriously. Besides, if anyone asks why—which I'm hoping they don't—just tell them it's for the same reasons we've gotten along so well as friends. Although I guess that was your original question, huh?" She nodded. "Well, there's the fact you're really smart, you're always willing to help everyone you can, you're actually… kinda… cute… uhm, we enjoy a lot of the same books, there's never a dull moment with you if I'm being completely honest—"

"Wait, what was that third one?"

"We enjoy a lot of the same books," Donkey said nonchalantly. "Look, there's a lot of reasons to it. In the end, I actually feel like I can just be… I don't know, normal around you, instead of what I am. Some people have tried to be my friend only because I'm the prince, but it sometimes feels like you forget that when we're near each other."

"That's because I don't see," Inari pretended to swoon, acting as if she was head over heels for him, "Donkey Kong, beloved prince of the Jungle Kingdom and heir to the throne!" She grinned wide, dropping the rouse and grabbing his arm in excitement. "I see a really smart person who I am good friends with and have a great time arguing about things with. If that makes you feel like you're one of us 'little folk', then I feel like I've already accomplished something with my life. Although, ideally, we'll be old coots and I'll be talking to you like it's bingo night and we're arch rivals who have lived in the same retirement center together for decades."

They laughed at the thought.

[fuckpastebin]

Been thinking a lot about a certain butch mentor/protégé dynamic. On the surface, it's just a lucky baby butch being taken under the wing of someone more experienced, who feels compelled to teach him how to dress, how to flirt, and how to take care of himself. But really it's a courting dance, both parties subtly seducing each other without saying a word.

This captivating butch took the him under their wing a few months ago. Though not much older in age, their identity and presentation has been thoughtfully refined over many years, leaving him struck with a desire to be them and to be around them. He wants to know everything about them, from their workout routine to who cuts their hair. How lucky he is that this brilliant person gushes everything they know, and always seems to find the time to show him new things.

At first his mentor thought they were just doing the young boy a favor by showing him the ropes. When they first met him, they saw an Adonis wrapped in ill-fitting clothes with a ratty haircut. It took discipline, but it didn't take long to transform him into a proper butch, especially given how eager he was to learn. By now, he should be sweeping girls off their feet, but the boy always finds something excuse to duck out of that part of butch life, preferring they be the one to do the talking.

--

Truth be told, his mentor loves the opportunity to show off how big and tough they are to a willing audience. His boy, having also known the struggle of keeping on muscle, can truly appreciate the work they put in at the gym. They invite the boy to a day at the gym, when they can share their trade secrets with someone who will put them to good use.

Spotting was simple enough. Providing a helping hand up close and personal meant he could really get a sense of how strong they were. They had amazing discipline of their breath, watching the muscles ripple and flow made him notice a warmth radiating inside him. The position of his crotch so close to their face only heightened it. In a flash, he caught himself imagining their strong arms grasping his thighs and bringing him to seat right on their face. Hips held in place while that pretty mouth goes to work on him, making him cry out. All the while he gets to watch the handsome muscle flex below him, as they buck and writhe with excitement. He prays he's wearing enough clothes to absorb the mess happening between his legs as he fantasizes about fucking his mentor's face.

The train of thought derails with the clattering of weights as the barbell is reracked.

The boy gets the pick of the next station. He looks around the gym, and spots the squatting station, where a squatter is practically rubbing their ass against their spotter. After they wipe the sweat off their station, their boy is already on the other side of the room racking weights on his bar. He's feeling out different grips, pretending like he doesn't know the correct position. His ploy works when his mentor gently grabs his hands, bringing them to the correct position. The warmth of the touch moves down to his core as he steps under the bar, his mentor right behind him.

Every rep presses them together. They give the boy a few reps to show what he's got, but it's clear his form needs some work to avoid injuries down the line. Injuries they would've paid money for someone to tell them to avoid.

After helping him rerack the weight they ask, "you're clearly very strong, but would you like some pointers?" They say firmly, but not trying to come off as too much of a know-it-all.

"Of course!" He says, eager for advice. He brings himself under the weight and holds steady. They take this as an invitation to bring their hands along his waist, guiding it down as he goes down.

"Keep your back straight," they palm at his back, starting to fold from muscles that haven't been worked out in a while. His grunts of exertion make them dizzy for some reason, he makes the cutest noises, they catch themself thinking.

As they bring their hands back along his hips, their mind wanders, imagining grabbing him and pulling him into his lap, guiding his hips to a grind against their strap, unbuckling their pants rubbing against him. As they guide him down for one more set his packer grinds against his ass, sending their imagination wild with  images of mounting him and stuffing him full. They imagine the noises he makes while being fucked are not unlike what they hear as he pumps out his squats, they imagine them growing higher in pitch the harder they fuck him.

They're brought back to reality when he starts struggling on the last set, a little assistance from their faithful mentor brings the weights back on the rack. When he heads to the cleaning station they see they're as flushed as he is, despite the fact they barely exerted themself. Their clit is throbbing hard against their packer, and they are unsure of what to do. Getting this hot for another butch was unprecedented, they were completely out of their element. What courting rituals were they to follow? Should they even try to figure it out? What made them think their boy was interested in anything other than learning how to be butch from them? They tried to shut off the rumination when their boy comes back, looking hot and sweaty.

"Do you wanna do anything else?" He asks, hopefully unaware of how flustered they are.

"Uh-h, I think we're set for now." Mentally kicking themself at chickening out and not suggesting something like wrestling. They weren't ready to let go quite yet, their braincells finally coming back online, "wanna head back to my place?"

"Acrually, can we do mine? I gotta feed the cats. And I have a uh, a favor to ask you."

"Oh?"

"How good are you at giving buzzcuts?"

--

In the dim light of his apartment bathroom, his mentor stood behind him, electric clippers in hand. As they carefully worked through his hair, he felt the gentle yet firm touch of their fingers against his scalp. Each pass of the clippers sent a shiver down his spine, his skull tingling as the clippers scythed through his mess of curls.

His mentor's focus was unwavering, their expression one of concentration and care. "Hold still," they murmured, their breath warm against his ear. He closed his eyes, letting the sensation wash over him, trusting them completely. Every so often, their fingers would linger a moment longer than necessary, brushing against his neck, sending tiny sparks of electricity through him.

When they finished, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and saw a new version of himself—one molded by his mentor's hands. They ran their fingers through his newly cropped hair, checking for any stray curls. This was met by his mentor playfully running a hand through his hair and messing up the looking he was crafting, leaving them both laughing and smiling.

After cleaning up, they get some drinks, both feeling a bit tense. His mentor's heart was still beating hard from their mind flashing back to the fantasy at the gym. They feel like they're floating around him, unsure of where they would land but not wanting to stop. All they knew was they loved watching their boy in his element, even if it was just him confidently mixing some drinks.

After moving to the couch and putting on a movie, the tension between them had not abated in the slightest. His mentor sat down first, and he found himself instinctively leaning into their side. They wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and he let himself be pulled closer, resting his head against their chest. The scent of their cologne mixed with the alcohol swimming around in his head, a comforting blend that warmed his core.

It was the most intimate moment they had shared yet. The closeness, the feel of his mentor's heartbeat against his cheek, made him acutely aware of every breath he took. He could feel their chest rise and fall, the steady rhythm almost hypnotic. Their heart was pounding has hard as his. They both realized... this was a date.

Neither knew what to do next. The air was thick with unspoken feelings, and the safe cocoon they had built around themselves felt fragile. He hesitated, unsure how much to lean into the embrace, fearing the unknown but craving the connection.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. His mentor's grip tightened slightly, a wordless acknowledgment of the vulnerability they both felt.

As the movie droned on and their BAC rose, they started to exchange looks that lingered a bit too long. The hand on his shoulder rubbed in slow circles as made his head tingle. The movie fades into the background as all he can see is this handsome butch. They meet his gaze, a shared blush falling over their faces.

--

The boy never felt more motivated to get a strap. It's a jockstrap style; the instructions for use are clear and he could easily figure out how to put it on, but his instincts tell him not to deny his mentor the chance to teach him one last lesson. All that's left to do is hide the manual, unbuckle and tangle the harness, and beckon them into his room.

His heart is pounding as his mentor enters, a smile playing at the corners of their mouth as they take in the tangled mess of the harness. They sit side by side on the bed, close enough for him to feel their warmth, as they reconstitute the harness with practiced hands. Each movement is deliberate, almost ritualistic, as they wordlessly guide him through the process.

As he watches, he marvels at how much they can communicate without words. The unspoken understanding between them is electrifying. He knows he should be more direct, should voice his feelings and intentions, but there's something profoundly intimate about their silent exchange.

The harness is untangled, but their work isnt finished. They hold it out, beckoning him to put it on. He steps through the straps, facing away, feeling dizzy as they slowly run the fabric and their fingers up his legs, finally resting on his briefs. They hold a hand on his hip, nearly dipping a finger into the seem as they secure the harness. He feels the tight jockstrap design making his ass stand out, and barely suppresses a yelp as the nether straps are brought just shy of too tight, putting an unmistakable pressure against his sex.

His mentor pulls the harness in a way that grinds against him even more, lighting a fire deep in his core. "Tight enough?"

"Uh-h, yeah" He squeaks out, trying to hold himself together.

They let it gently snap back in place, admiring their handiwork. They watch as their boy brings their basketball shorts up, admiring how it shapes their body into a more masculine frame. To most people he would look goofy with a harness laid over boxers and covered with shorts, but they know dysphoria is a fickle thing.

Fabric rustling fills the room as his mentor retrieves the cock from the bed. It's a handsome silicone thing, not too big with a good sized head, their favorite proportions. They stand behind him, holding him against them while they loop it through the harness. Letting himself relax into their grasp is met with their calloused hands stroking his cock. The first strokes were just seeing if it's in place, each one grinding against his clit. 

He bucks into their grasp, the silence being broken by an involuntarily whine. His mentor loops fingers through his harness and pulls him close. The hand on his cock slowly traveling under his shirt, feeling up what they had spent so long wanting. He grinds his ass against their packer, eliciting a moan which burns hot against his neck. They both forget about the months of holding back, the world is reduced to this wonderful butch making the other feel so good.

At some point he's turned around, seated in the lap of his mentor-now-lover. Their hands paw greedily at his ass, spreading his cheeks through his boxers. He palms their packer through their pants, grinding in circles into where they're most sensitive. Though what he's stroking through their pants is much larger than a typically packer, and when he unwraps his prize, he is delighted they're wearing a full strap. He wonders how long he's been strapped up in the off chance something between them would happen.

Kisses on the neck make both butches dizzy, with the boy's delightful moans filling up the room. His mentor jokes about how they should've known their boy was faggy, he was so hopeless with the chicks. As their butch cocks frot the boy mentions how he's only hopeless because they wanted him all to themself. They laugh at this, but they don't deny it. Instead, they take their cocks into their hand and stroke them together, the sight of his boy fucking his cock into their hand makes them moan. They never could imagine they could feel so good without anyone taking off a shred of clothing.

When they finish, the older butch gets up to make coffee, only to be dragged back in bed by their good boy, not ready to give up the cuddle he worked so hard for. At the back of their mind they wondered what their friends would say if they saw them coupled with this faggy twink. They reasoned it wouldn't have been a surprise at all.

[werepunkk]

So some drama happened and long story short my neighbor decided he can't take care of his dog anymore and gave her to my boyfriend.

Long vent about this under the cut

She's a pitb*ll (name censored to keep it out of the main tag) and she's extremely sweet and loving with people.

But. She has already shown signs of being reactive to other dogs and having a high prey drive, and she is a very powerful dog.

She would be a great dog for experienced dog owners with no small animals. But we are not that. We are 3 dudes who haven't had dogs since we were kids, and we have two cats, one of which has already shown she has more courage than brains when it comes to dogs.

We let her see the braver cat, while she was on a harness of course, and the results were not encouraging.

My boyfriend wants to continue to try to acclimate the dog to the cats, but it seems very obvious to me that this dog is not a good fit for our home and we should start looking for somewhere better for her.

My boyfriend has said "just say the word and we'll stop trying and work on re-homing her" but I can't help but feel it's unfair to put me in that position. I don't want to be the bad guy making their boyfriend get rid of his dog

He buys into the nanny dog myth, so I think he's viewing everything she does through rose colored glasses. When we let them see each other, she actively tried to lunge at my cat and it was only the harness that stopped her. But he insisted it went well and we should keep going despite the huge red flags.

I'm so frustrated that this guy, who usually acts like he's the smartest, most rational person in the room, can't see all the signs that this situation is untenable.

l have been in a constant state of anxiety since this dog got here. I have had multiple panic attacks, can't sleep, and have frequent intrusive and graphic mental images of what could happen to my cats if this goes wrong. I have communicated all this to him, and while he does comfort me, he doesn't want to do the only thing that would make this anxiety stop.

Because I will never be fully comfortable with this dog around my cats, not ever. Not after seeing her snarling and lunging at one of them. And I think he knows that deep down, but he wants to keep this dog so much that he's willing to downplay how badly it's affecting me.

My roommate also really likes the dog. And I like her too, and I'll be really sad to see her go.

I feel incredibly guilty because I know that as a p*t bull her odds of finding a home are not good. My roommate does have a family member who loves dogs and hates cats and might be willing to take her-- but if that doesn't work out, she'll have to go to a rescue or shelter. And she's just being a dog, she doesn't deserve to be bounced around or to be euthanized because there's too many of her breed.

But my cats don't deserve to be killed or confined for life, and I don't deserve to feel constant anxiety for the next 10-15 years.

This whole experience has opened my eyes to how little the world actually cares about cats. The city shelter doesn't even accept cats, it's dogs only. And often when I mention my pets to new people, the first thing they tell me is how much they hate cats.

Even my boyfriend and roommate, the two people closest to me who I thought loved Max and Punzie, are so enamored with the dog that they're downplaying the risk she poses.

I feel like I'm the only one who cares about Max and Punzie, so I'm going to be the one who looks out for them. I'm going to put my foot down and get this dog to a new home even if it means I'm an asshole

[mutable-manifestation]

#dpxdc#danny phantom#dc comics#superman#a shit brickhouse of a man who doesn't look like either one of them#accusations of cheating on lex with his arch nemesis superman#vlad is so offended clearly he's lexy's arch nemesis how dare!

Lmao okay but imagine Vlad backslides more because he has to be the nemesis. Like. This is not a slight that can go uncontested.

So like? Vlad backslides. And starts making more clones.

Superman clones. Like "if one Superman is your archnemesis - scoff - let's see how you feel about the source of consist stream of an increasing number of Supermen."

Like? Getting DNA is no biggie for a ghost - just possess the guy mid-flight, pass off some hairs to a duplicate, move on.

And Vlad already has his cloning tech on point. It just takes a bit of rebuilding.

He gets about three Supermen in before the Dannies notice.

He gets so defensive. Like oh, when a woman makes another person it's fine, but when I, Vlad Masters-

And they're just like. *deep breaths* You aged them up taking away years of their lives and also: did you bother to get permission from Superman or did you just steal his DNA?

Vlad: ...

So anyway now Vlad has three Superman sons. They're all fully-grown but like. They all know they aren't the real Clark. And Vlad is...odd? But it's not like he's asking them to do anything they don't want to.

"Prevent Lex Luthor from doing evil stuff" and other various heroics aren't anything they wouldn't be doing anyway.

Also Vlad learned his lesson with his first clone - positive reinforcement only lest they fly straight into the arms of the enemy. So like. He's being nice to them - they all have their own rooms, he got them civilian IDs, he's willing to set them up with jobs of their choice or college, and all he wants is "if Lex Luthor breathes wrong check up and see if he needs to be stopped" which. They'd want to do anyway.

Plus the Dannies all just treat them like their own people, so even the "being a clone" thing is less crisis inducing than it could be. Especially when they learn Dani is a clone and technically so is Dan.

They are... coping. With the names.

in the lineup we got:

Lark - the first clone, kryptonian name (because he mentioned the Kal-El thing at some point & Vlad was like "oh sweet I get to name you again! Love naming things! :D") Kar-El. Yeah. Like Carl.

Chad - the second clone, Clark doesn't have a lot of variations but he wanted a C-name. And of course, the kryptonian name: Char-El (yeah Vlad is not a creative man. Listen he literally tried to copy/paste a son okay. Creativity is not his strong suit. It's not even a suit he has, I think)

Aaaaand the youngest. The babiest of boys: Archie - he wanted another name with "ark" in it but couldn't think of one. So he went *shrug* arch is close enough. Kryptonian name: Ark-El (yeah he jumped at the chance to give him an ark-name when he realized he could make another one. Yes I'm implying he forgot middle names exist. None of the clones have middle names)

Anyway, Vlad is very supportive of their hobbies & such. Not a bad life, all told, save for the whole thing where they miss Ma & Pa and also remember being married and now they very much aren't. Luckily the memories are more "information I have & stuff I observed" than "stuff I experienced" but it's still the majority of their memories for a good while so like. Upsetting.

Anyway with the whole precedent of "Vlad Masters' babies have absurd growth rates" everyone just assumed that they're his actually kids & that he either had triplets or has an ongoing relationship with Superman.

And you know what? That is a free explanation that doesn't involve admitting to cloning so sure, that happened.

Superman knows it did not happen but no one believes him.

Well okay, everyone he knows personally believes him - but the public doesn't.

He's being put in a love triangle with Lex Luthor and Vlad Masters. Some people are calling them OT3. He is climbing the walls. He hates this so so so so so so much.

Lex & Vlad are having public fights about this and Vlad is just. "I don't recall ever agreeing to be exclusive *condescending eyebrow raise* Where I go and what or who I do are frankly none of your business. *insert snooty hmph noise here* Don't you have somewhere to be, like your bi-weekly beatdown from your precious "archnemesis""

And he means it in a "I should be the one who you consider your archnemesis" way, but everyone watching this takes it as "Lex and Vlad both cheated on each other, both with Superman."

You Know How There Are Those AU? Where SUPER Injured Ghosts Need To Retreat To Their Core?

No one seems to be USING that to its fullest potential! For SHENANIGANS! Because! Who?? Could POSSIBLY carry a Halfa's Core safely... but another Halfa?! A FULL ghost would KILL them. A human would be killed! What terribly precarious peril we find ourselves in! Oh nooooooo!

Well, no worry!

As much as Dani fuckin HATES this. That there is her brother. Her Template. Her Clone Daddy and Bestest of Bros. Like HECK she's gonna let him suffer for centuries and possibly DIE. She can take it, Doc! Pop him in! We'll go road tripping and-

What do you MEAN "No"?

Unstable??! Of course she's unstable! But the-.... Oh.

Turns OUT? Dani? Can hitch a ride in DANNY for Emergency Medical Aid... but NOT the other way around. Her body is too loosely held together. He would parasiticly consume her from within. Instead of feeding off her Ecto System like injured ghosts are supposed too, because she's a CLONE? AND an unstable one at that? His Core would just... see her body as free ectoplasm. All of it.

He'd eat her.

Which mean Frostbite can not and WILL NOT allow that.

But he's HURT! That big, off screen, cataclysmic Fight To Save Everybody From *cough cough mumbles* and settle us all in the DC universe, REALLY messed him up! What are we supposed to DO!? He can't STAY like this!!!

Enter-> My FAVORITE DCxDP Trash Ship! Vlad&Lex!!! *horrified screaming from the crowds, someone shouts "oh god, no! Please!"* Ha! There are no gods here, silly billys! Only two terrible, terrible HIGHLY Dramatic, self serving, incredibly damaged, gay peacocks. In Business Suits that cost more then your house is worth.

They're AWFUL~♡

And! Vlad was sent ahead to lay the ground work. Insure there would be no GIWs. Also because no one could stand him and his EXTENSIVE criminal record. But that's besides the point.

But!

You know what he found? A Business Nemesis. Who he routinely dates and/or Dramatically Hate Fu-*coughs* I mean, attempts a Corporate Take Over(tm) off. You know how it is. Business. He ALSO gets to make it no secret he's a "Meta", thanks to the INCOMPETENCE of one Jack Fenton, because that- *seething rant*

Yet? Dispite his STILL burning hatred for Jack? And his finally letting go of Maddie? You know what he STILL wants?

For Danny to be his Son.

*Gets a call from Frostbite*

...............soooooo........ what you're SAYING is..... I can be pregnant with Daniel.

You, Frostbite, need ME, Vladimir Masters, THE ONLY OTHER HALFA, to carry Daniel around inside my body, in what to all appearances resembles a pregnancy, in order to heal him. Because I am an Older And Stronger Halfa Upon Which He Relies.

:)

*instantly begins plotting*

Just? Imagine. Vlad is a FUCKIN LIAR. No one but him would even KNOW what was going on! He just? Rocks up one day, like? *falsely demure* "oh I couldn't POSSIBLY has any scotch, Lex! >:) I'm eating for Two~☆" and just? Deals the MAXIMUM amount of psychic damage he can.

Probably says it at their weekly, public, Veiled Threats Brunch.

It makes front page news. Luthor choked on his eggs. The paparazzi lost their SHIT. Vlad is doing the FULL Celebrity Mom Thing. The classes. The photo shoots. The Gucci sunglasses as he peruses high end strollers. All while HEAVILY suggesting that not only is "The Baby" Lex's.... but that he's going to withhold the child and deny Lex any access.

Danny isn't even aware. He's in a lovely lil medical coma. Dani is trying to find a good spot to plop down Amity. She just know Vlad is being... Vlad. Meh. He can handle it. Dan? He's not even IN the human realm and is not sure he wants to be.

But over in the LEAGUE? Everything's on fuckin FIRE.

Kon is losing his SHIT and Clark is thousand yard staring into the void. Kon's half brother is in the hands of a... Less Then Ideal... Meta that Batman is PRETTY sure is highly suspect. Might be a deliberate weapons experiment. Certainly is a hostage. And the DRAMA.

Lex has never been worse.

He might actually stab his...partner? Vlad. At the hospital. The SECOND the child is born. There are already long term kidnapping plans in the making. He's hiring lawyers. Getting VICIOUS. There have been talks with DEATHSTROKE. By BOTH OF THEM.

Clark wants to cry.

@hypewinter @ailithnight @nerdpoe @hdgnj @the-witchhunter @mutable-manifestation @babbling-babull

[ricciardonorrisleclercgasly]

NSFW Alphabet || Sebastian Vettel

Not my Gif

EXPLICIT CONTENT UNDER 18S DO NOT INTERACT.

Here is my Masterlist.

Only taking requests for NSFW alphabet right now :).

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Seb is an absolute softie when it comes to aftercare. He'll run you a bath and bring you hot tea whilst telling you how much he loves you and what a princess you are.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Seb takes great pride in those pearly whites. If its just a happy little grin or a cheeky smirk he knows the power of that mouth.

Seb is definitely a thighs man. He just wants to lay his head in your thighs and stay there all day.

C = Cum (where do they like to finish etc)

Seb finishes inside you every single time without fail. He loves to see his cum pouring out of you. Although he asks for consent every time before he does it.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Back in the day Seb was a womaniser with an adventurous mind. He 100% experimented with threesomes and maybe even more.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Sebastian definitely has a lot of experience. His wild days have taught him so much and he uses that to his advantage. He's also so willing to learn, anything you say he takes on board and always wants to do better.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Seb is such a missionary kind of guy, but not in a boring vanilla way. In an arms pinned above your head because he just wants to be able to watch your pretty face beg for more.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Sebastian is exactly the same in the bedroom as he is outside. He can be goofy as hell but also knows when he needs to used his serious time.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Seb goes through phases of grooming. Very much like the hair on his head, the hair downstairs always seems to match. The more groming you can see up there the more you'll be see down below.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Seb is a true romantic, he loves you and everyone knows it. During the moment he makes sure that you know you belong to him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Not one to jack off, because who needs to when they have a partner as hot as you by their side, but when you find yourself apart for a longer time Seb finds comfort in your home videos and photos

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Seb is a soft dom and you cant change my mind. He loves to take control but can't help but let you win if you put up a bit of a fight. He's a rigger through and through, he loves the skill and thought behind tying you up in all different ways.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

10 years a go Seb was definitely a anywhere and everywhere kind of guy but he's mellowed out a little now. He's a traditionalist and likes to find you somewhere comfortable to lie, plus he needs somewhere to store all that rope.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You. Seb loves your playful innocence and there's nothing that gets him going more than those puppy dog eyes with the pout. Everything about you is appealing to him and he just can't resist you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Seb doesn't have a big No list but if there's one thing he won't do it's submit. He is not a bottom and he never will be. If there is ever more than the two of you in the bedroom there is always a real power struggle as Seb just has to be the most dominant person in the room.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Seb is a giver and a good one at that. Whilst he definitely wouldn't turn down a blowjob he likes to make sure you're pleased too and would much prefer you sitting on his face and 69-ing to just laying back and recieveing.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Seb knows how to use pace to his advantage. He's experienced enough to know there's a time and a place for both and he'll have you begging for more.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Seb will take a quickie when he can't resist any more but he is far more into proper sex where he can take his time to focus on you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Seb used to be the king of risk. The riskier the better in his opinion. As he's matured he likes to play a little more safe but he's keen to try anything new that you suggest.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Seb has stamina. He could go for hours. He knows exactly how to pace himself so that he isn't finished before you are.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

100%. Toys can be a mans best friend and Seb knows it. He has a full range of toys to keep you happy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Seb is a huge tease, he knows how much you want him and he uses that to his advantage.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

We all know that Seb definitely makes the most heavenly noises. He's quiet but still makes sure you feel very appreciated.

W= Wildest Fantasy (Something that they wish they could do with you)

Seb has done almost everything that he's ever wanted to do. His wildest fantasy definitely includes you, some rope and his favourite f1 car.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

1 word. Thick. Seb might not be the biggest but he's definitely got some girth and he knows how to use it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Seb can't keep his hands off of you. Every time you're together he's all over you and hates it when you're apart.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Seb likes to make sure you're comfortable and asleep first. He'll lay and stroke your hair until you fall asleep no matter how long it takes before he goes to sleep himself.

[tinietaehyun]

Thorns Amongst Flowers

[Prince!Soobin x gardener!f!reader]

Genre(s): romance, fluff, angst, royalty!au, minor enemies to lovers.

Contains: cussing/swearing, mentions of blood/gore/injury, manipulative behaviour, brief hospitalisation

[ damn it’s been awhile…well this was a draft from ages ago that I finally finished ,, man i hope it’s decent :”) ]

Synopsis; A gentle natured prince who loves to sink into his books and escape the monotonous world comes into contact with a head-strong, determined girl from the garden in his palace. Though for an unknown reason when the prince tries to come out of his shy shell, he is shunned by her in the most brutal way. He’s never experienced such dislike. Why does she not like him so? Most importantly why wasn’t he willing to give up on her?

—————————^^^^^^^^^^^^^————————

The grand library housed within the palace of the kingdom’s capital contains various books, scriptures, pieces of history. It was a treasure trove of historical information, a heaven of finding everything in one place. It was magnanimously built by the king three generations ago.

Not only was it an archive of information, but an astounding collection of fiction, stories written by the people, by talented authors who let their imaginations bleed onto the paper. Though only able to be accessed by the palace staff and of course the royal family, it was a chamber of dreams, secrets and truths.

To this magnificent library, comes a frequent visitor who deemed this room as his second home, or his home within home. He knows the nooks and crannies, the various aisles and turnings, the secret passages and rooms like the back of his hand. This visitor was only the ever so revered, publicly and well adored prince.

The prince was of unique nature, rather introverted yet intelligent and observant. Though not outspoken like his father, the king, or intimidating as his mother. Rather instead he was known for his timid, sweet mannerisms. He carried the air of a mellow angel dropped from the heavens above. The people absolutely adored the prince even from a young age, where he was (shockingly!), even shyer.

Despite the open criticisms from his own father and mother for being too timid, perhaps not even being fit to rule, Soobin didn’t take it much to heart. Well, it seemed that way to the palace staff. Only Soobin himself knew how his parents words about his demeanour would affect him. Not only his parents but the ruling council and advisors had the same thing to say about his gentle and kind hearted personality. Whilst well appreciated for his understanding nature, it wouldn’t suit well for becoming the next king. Being on the throne is one of both a powerful and dangerous position. One that required someone who could hold their ground, couldn’t be easily swayed in their decisions and most importantly was born to lead. All of which the ruling council and his parents thought he was incapable of. Yet he was the only heir after quite some time.

Soobin was on his regular visit to his one escape in the entirety of the palace. It wasn’t like he could walk the streets casually could he? Though very thankful for his lavish lifestyle, he thought that life could get rather suffocating. People constantly correcting his behaviour, having to act a certain way, having to be someone who he unfortunately wasn’t. It’s not like he didn’t want to be king, he just thinks his people deserve better than him. Someone so meek and timid as a king, it seemed preposterous in his eyes. Could he truly be a good leader?

He wasn’t sure, he wanted to see the world for himself, though he enjoyed being inside encased by piles of books filled with stories of the very world he wanted to explore. Perhaps the illusion of fiction was too good to part with?

Soobin found himself pathetic at times, sometimes he found himself in this cycle of self loathing, and guilt for thinking otherwise, why, he was grateful wasn’t he? The prince, what a coveted and gracious position? So why did he have to resort to daydreaming amongst the pages to feel happy, to carry on each day? ‘How childish’ he thinks to himself.

“Ah, my dear, here to borrow more books I see? At the rate you’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if you finished half the books here by age 40!” The elderly woman laughs endearingly at the prince. The wrinkles on her face crinkling as she smiles brightly. Soobin merely becomes flustered and clears his throat, “Ah, yes…,” an awkward laugh escapes his lips.

He curses to himself. By himself he could be the bravest person to exist, he could slay dragons with his fingertips, beat up five people at once, hand out several royal decrees with a snap of his fingers. Well, all hypothetically speaking of course. In his imagination he could achieve anything. In his room alone, he was the most confident he could ever be.

“My dear, go and browse as usual. Would you like anything to eat? I have some biscuits.” She smiles warmly shaking a small netted bag of biscuits that she keeps for herself, and well, Soobin. He had found out earlier she had reminded him ever so closely of her son who had passed away due to chronic illness. It broke his heart, and so he cherished being in her company. Not like his mother was that affectionate anyway. Soobin smiles walking forward murmuring, “Your recipes never fail to impress me, Mrs Park.”

The elderly lady lets out a hearty chuckle handing him two butter biscuits covered in sugar crystals. Soobin loved baked items, and Mrs Park’s biscuits never tasted so good. He simply couldn’t resist! “These ones have a little chocolate filling I whipped up last minute, my son loved these when he was younger,” she chuckles reminiscing, “He’d refused to go to school without at least three in his lunch bag!”

Soobin couldn’t help but smile at her happiness, “Thank you Mrs Park.” He enjoys the biscuits as she chatters on as always much to his quiet amusement. “My dear, we’ve also ordered new books for next week, so you’ll have many new pickings!” Soobin nods his feet fidgeting as he fights the urge to start running into the aisles of books. Her eyes widen, “Oh look at me, keeping you! My apologies my dear, do go and browse and bring them for me to sign out for you.”

He smiles back at her before speed walking into the paradise of literature. The clacking of his leather boots resound out; the slightly stuffy nature of the room making him begin to sweat. His nostrils flare at the scent of both new books and old books mixed amongst each other. Soobin could be here for hours. He continues to browse picking up books occasionally and reading their synopses, taking his time to select the next two books he’d read over the next few weeks.

He is so engrossed in his books that he doesn’t notice himself stepping back as he peers to look at the shelf, that there was indeed another person approaching down the same aisle. “Hey-? Watch where you’re…” the voice quietens down as Soobin turns around unfortunately wanting to die of embarrassment. The source of the voice appears to be a young woman, dressed in clothes much less fancier than his. More like a simple gown matching the uniform of the palace staff. Her hair is ever so slightly messy with intense doe eyes and soft features. How pretty… Her and her book drop in a loud clatter on the floor. He awkwardly murmurs, “My apologies. I should have been more careful.” He bows down out of courtesy.

If his parents saw this, they would be furious. A prince shouldn’t be so apologetic, a mere sorry should suffice, no need for the extra words nor a bow, as his mother would lecture him.

As he rises from his bow, his eyes widen seeing her infuriated expression as she stands up. It looked all too familiar to him somehow. Where had he seen that face before? Her glare intensifies at his silence. His heart pangs; she looked like she was going to kill him with her glare alone. He stammers, “I really am sorry.” No response.

Soobin stands awkwardly as they both stare at each other; one obviously more hostile than the other. He hated this.

The young woman finally retorts out in an icy tone, “Whatever. I… it’s whatever.” She snaps her face away from him. She clenches her fists and lets out a frustrated sigh. Soobin mumbles, “Uhm, okay. Well, I’ll be more careful in the future, please don’t be upset.”

He was just too damn sweet for his own good. She snaps, “God you’ve not changed at all, still a pushover.” Soobin flinches at her harsh words, “Pushover?” She sighs, “Wait, no. I’m sorry that was harsh. I…that’s not what I meant.” The woman sounds utterly frustrated and almost flustered in demeanour.

Many thoughts sprint around Soobin’s mind. First of all, how rude? Second of all, did this girl know who she was talking to?, she must have right, she’s wearing the palace uniform! Lastly, the most intriguing of what she has uttered is that she has observed that he hasn’t changed. Does she know him personally?

He mumbles, “Have we met before?” The girl seems to become even more upset at the question, “Huh, you really don’t remember me…? Why’d I think you would remember someone like me?” Her voice cracks much to his dismay. Her eyes glaze over. She shakes her head, “I should have known. I should have known since your fall, you’d have not remembered. You don’t want to remember. You’re too good for me right?”

Soobin was beginning to get agitated as he mutters, “What on earth are you talking about?” She peers at him sadness glistening in her eyes, “Playing dumb? Or do you genuinely not remember? …I can’t tell.” Soobin sighs in frustration, “I’m sorry, I really think you’re directing your anger on the wrong person here. I understand, I should have watched where I was going..” he clears his throat softening his tone a bit. He mumbles, “But, I don’t think this justifies your attitude-“

Before she can utter another sentence, the librarian Mrs Park peers over into the aisle clearly not impressed by the commotion. She hums unimpressed, “What is the issue, oh! My dear, is there any problem?” She narrows her eyes at the woman beside him, “Do you not see that the prince is browsing for books? Are you bothering him? I’ll have you know I will not hesitate to throw nuisances out of the library.” Soobin pales and peers back at the young woman who merely remains silent sporting nothing but an icy, hurt glare. Mrs Park snaps, “Be gone with you! Goodness me, don’t you have any cleaning work or something to be doing?”

The woman’s eyes narrow back but she holds her tongue; she feels as though being shunned by the prince is already enough emotional distress and humiliation for the entire month. She nods and curtly bows towards Soobin as she frigidly murmurs, “My apologies your majesty. I shall be going back to attending my duties.” She rushes off clearly on the verge of tears.

Mrs Park wipes the disgruntled expression on her face replacing it with one of concern and affection, “My dear are you okay? Can’t even read and browse in peace can you? Some peasants aren’t as refined and polite as you my dear, apologies. She didn’t say anything to offend you did she? I will be happy to report it.” Soobin almost violently shakes his head at the words and frantically splutters, “No! No…it was my error I bumped into her that’s all, but thank you, uhm, Mrs Park.” He didn’t want to blow up the problem even further. He found Mrs Park’s words rather insulting.

All his mind was concerned with was, who was that girl? Why did she seem to know him? And why did he have to the urge to go see her again?

Images of her pop up in his head; her eyes. Her glittering and expressive eyes. She had alluring eyes. His heart aches in an eery form of nostalgia, they looked familiar. Her entire face did in fact. She gave off a familiar vibe? Had they seen each other before around the palace?; she does work here after all? She had mentioned so much in such little time it had left his brain in a frazzle.

Goodness, all he came here to do was read a good book. Before he could continue searching, as he steps forwards, the tip of shoe hits something and he peers down seeing a book haphazardly on the floor. He murmurs to himself, “…her book…” Soobin reads the cover, ‘Love Mourned; Love Forgotten.’ He hadn’t read this one before; it seems to be a romance novel.

She had forgotten her book. He felt bad considering he was the one who knocked it out of her hands. She had left in such a flurry she completely forgot about her book. His fingertips gently grip the hardback of the dark red book. As a kind gesture, and an act of goodwill, he should probably give it back to her. He’ll sign it out for her.

Why was he doing all this for someone he supposedly just met? Even he didn’t quite know the answer himself. All he wanted to know was who she was and how she knew him.

He wanted to satiate the fire of familiarity within him.

><><><><><

Soobin rests in his chambers, one foot atop the other, legs outstretched and back leant back against the headboard of his bed. The window left slightly ajar to allow for a soft but soothing breeze to enter his grand bedroom. The sound of the melodic birdsong enters his ears. It was truly the perfect environment to be reading in. ‘Time to escape reality for awhile again,’ he thinks to himself.

His eyes catch glimpse of the red book the girl dropped earlier this morning. He had to find her again for sure, how was he going to do that exactly? He didn’t quite know. To begin with, he didn’t even know her name, but for some reason he did know her face. Well, almost. He’s definitely seen it before, his intuition has been scratching his mind since their encounter.

Soobin lets out an irritable huff slamming his book shut. Whilst his environment was perfect for reading a good book, his mindset unfortunately was not but rather it was occupied with trying to solve the mystery of who she was and of course, trying to give her, her book.

Soobin goes deep into thought. Her words…. “God, you’ve not changed at all.” “Since your fall…”

He murmurs as his brows furrow, his lips forming a slight pout as the gears in his mind turn and rattle, “Since that fall…have I fallen? I do remember quite a few many falls when I was a child. What did she mean?” Soobin does acknowledge he is rather clumsy or flimsy at times, so that phrase didn’t really help narrow it down but he does surmise that the fall should have been serious if she was referring to it.

He does manage to recall that at around thirteen years old he suffered a brutal head injury. He doesn’t remember much of what happened except that he had fallen from a large height from one of the trees in the garden. To this day he still doesn’t know why on earth he climbed that high up a tree? Though that’s what his mother told him in regards to the accident. Soobin had suffered a brief concussion and heavy bleeding as a result of the harsh fall. From then on they didn’t even allow him out near the very tree he fell from.

Maybe she saw him that day? Though he must think she looks of similar age as him, so she must have been a little child too. Perhaps her mother and father worked here in the palace? He sighs exasperated, or maybe he was connecting useless dots. Whatever the case, he knew he’d only find out if she met her in person again.

Soobin swings his legs over and gets up off his bed with the red romance novel in hand. She probably wouldn’t mind if he read a few pages whilst searching for her right?

—————

Your fingertips delicately manoeuvre the flowers into the soil. A quaint smile paints your lips. The stunning asters mixed between the azaleas and magnolias. A stunning array and amalgamation of different species of flowers. The vibrant splash of colours dotting the grounds just makes your heart swell with pride. You had spent ages planting and taking care of all the flowers, bushes, and trees here in this particular section of the palace gardens. Secretly, you liked to think that your assigned area was singlehandedly the best looking and most aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The others here had no taste or any hint of passion when it came to gardening and flower assortment. Not your fault you had a gift, or should you say good genes. ‘Thanks father,’ you think to yourself amused.

“Y/n, I swear you’re going to start talking to the flowers next like your father does.” A chuckle resounds beside you and you peer up from your crouched position seeing your best friend: Ryujin. A teasing smile plays on her lips and you roll your eyes, “You do know it is actually good for the plants. They do like getting talked at.”

“You sound more insane everyday,” she remarks letting out a snort. You scoff getting up, “You-“ She finishes off for you, “Yeah, yeah, ‘I just don’t get it, plants are more special than they look, ectera, ectera.’” It almost seemed like your catch phrase at this point; rather embarrassing you’re now beginning to think.

You clear your throat, “Well, anyway, I much prefer this to your job.” Ryujin stops laughing and gives you an unamused stare, “Piss off, just say you can’t handle a needle and thread and go.” You smirk, “Not fun is it, getting made fun of?” She leans into your shoulder and lets out a long drawl, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

You murmur, “Well, either way plants and animals are way better than humans in any case. Excluding you of course.” You had known Ryujin for over four years now, she works for the tailors on the palace grounds inheriting the position from her late mother. Despite being rather reserved to others, she was quite mischievous and rambunctious with you. You brought out her more extroverted side to which you were glad.

Ryujin resounds groaning, “Please don’t tell me you’re still hung up on Soobin? Come on dude, he’s a prince, of course he’s a pompous imbecile. From what you’ve told me, he just dropped you like that, for doing nothing? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t remember what he said or did. I told you not to go up to him, didn’t I?” You whine, “It was by pure accident, I couldn’t help it. I’m just so aggravated by it all. He deserved it. I hope he thinks on it.”

“Girl, I have never seen someone hold a grudge for as long as you have.” Ryujin sighs rubbing her forehead. She continues, “I think someone who referred to you as a ‘disgusting peasant’ isn’t quite the person you want around you.” You clutch her hands in desperation, “Ryujin,I know this may seem maddening to you, seriously he’s not like that. I just know deep deep down he would never say something like that after the time we spent.” Your heart aches terribly.

Ryujin squeezes your hands back in an comforting manner and gives you a warm smile as she says, “I have never wanted to punch you the face more than now.” You’re floored by her answer and splutter, “What?” “Can’t believe you are that lovestruck for a man. A man? You got a man making you feel this upset, the audacity. If he weren’t the prince I would have knocked his jaw off its hinges.” She angrily mumbles out. Wide eyed you stammer, “Damn, remind me not to piss you off.” She hums, “Well, I wouldn’t punch you. Maybe just a delicate reality checking chokeslam.” “Great, thanks,” you sarcastically respond. “What I’m trying to say here is, he’s not worth it. Think about it, he’s probably been ignoring your presence, he’s made no attempt himself to get back in contact with you, so why the fuck should you give that energy back?”

You consider Ryujin’s words. She made good points but for some reason your heart wasn’t happy to hear them out. You truly did believe that something went awry. Even when you met Soobin yesterday, he seemed just like did back then. Still adorably shy, endearingly kind, not a fan of confrontation, he could have had you on the floor begging for forgiveness for the way you spoke to him…yet he didn’t. You didn’t understand whether he was pretending not to know you for both your sake’s or indeed you were just a thing of the past, nothing significant enough to remember. You peer down at your necklace and fiddle with the silver ring attached whilst frowning. ‘Oh, Soobin…’

“Well y/n, I have to be going, my shift starts in five minutes. Don’t overwork yourself, the sun’s coming out, don’t faint on me, you got that? Stay in the shade during noon.” You murmur smiling, “Got it.” Ryujin gives you a genuinely caring smile before she gives you a flurrying wave and walks off down the path leaving you back amongst the flowers. Back to gardening you suppose, not that you were complaining. You loved it ever so much.

The sun did indeed come out to say hello as by midday the temperature becomes atrocious and there is a sweltering heat blazing down upon you. You believe you could have cooked an entire buffet using your head as a stove. You peer around for some shade that wasn’t already occupied by the other palace staff.

Wiping the sweat off your brow you let out an aggravated sigh, “Fuck, this fucking sun, fuck’s sake. I’m so fucking hot I hate it here.” Irritation seeps into you. “O-Oh my.” A soft yet deep voice stammers out. You freeze in your spot.

You really hope that wasn’t another member of staff or even worse- “Uhm, hello there. I…I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Though it appears it isn’t a great time.” You get slammed in the face with a ton, no; plural, tons of embarrassment. You got caught having a sailor’s mouth in front of the prince himself. Not even soap could help you rinse your mouth neither could the gods above save you from this humiliating experience.

“I can ask an attendant to get you some water?” He awkwardly asks noticing you still haven’t turned around. You grit out, “No. no it’s fine. Really.” The boiling sun didn’t make your anger any less intense. You were already pissed off as is. Now you had to deal with this.

‘Calm down. Calm yourself. Your better than this. He came to find you. Not the other way round. Be nice.’ You think to yourself almost repeating it like a mantra. You swiftly turn around and try to paint a smile on your face though you didn’t think you were succeeding in the exercise considering the man in front of you pales. Perhaps your eyes were a little too intense. Though it was ever so slightly amusing you could get to see the prince in this position though. Not that you’d ever say this aloud.

“What is it your majesty?” You ask genuinely finding yourself curious before you halt seeing a very familiar book in his hands. Oh! You had forgotten your book, you had meant to check it out the other day. You knew you wanted to try going back to try and look for it again but you couldn’t honestly be bothered. Yet now Soobin had it in his hands.

He outstretches his arm appearing to give you the book and you peer at him with a raised brow, “For me? What about signing it out?” “I signed it out under my name. Is that alright? I can’t sign for another person on their behalf; it’s the rules there.” He explains looking slightly flustered as your fingers brush against each other. His hand felt so incredibly soft. Not only that his hands were huge, they would engulf your hands in a heartbeat.

You clear your throat becoming flustered and quickly keeping the book against your chest, “Uh, no…that’s okay.” There’s an awkward silence before you quietly mumble out, “Thank you, your majesty.”

Your eyes peer observing him as he lets out a nod of affirmation. His jet black locks of hair sharply cut with a few strands sprawled across his forehead here and there. It was in sleek contrast to his white princely attire made of god knows what expensive fabric (probably costing equivalent to three years worth of your rent alone). The elegant tassels on his shoulder sway and jump in the breeze. The intricacy of his outfit had you floored not to mention, he made the outfit look gorgeous. He really did grow up from that cute, clumsy kid to this gorgeous man with the sharpest eyes and softest lips. “Did I do something wrong again? You’re really staring a lot.”

Oh fuck, you made it obvious. You made yourself seem like an uncivilised buffoon in comparison to his sophisticated and elite mannerisms and speech. You frown, “No, no sorry. I…I was lost in thought. Thank you again for the book.”

Maybe Ryujin was right, maybe it was better to leave the past behind. He gave you your book, why should you bother trying to remind him. Maybe he just genuinely forgot. Not that you could ever be seen together regardless, look at your measly position and his. Not a chance!

“I’ll be leaving your majesty, have a good day. Many thanks.” You let out a courteous bow before stepping away. He suddenly steps forward in a rush blocking you from walking away, “W-Wait-! I wanted to talk. Talk more I mean. Please?” His voice heightens at the end waiting for your response and it cruelly reminded you of the way he was when he was younger. “Is it important?” You mumble. Soobin stammers, “I…I think? Maybe. Could you hear me out? We can find some shade too. So you’re not so hot and irritable either.” Embarrassment from earlier hits you again, “Okay, thanks, your majesty.”

Soobin peers around seeing that most of the spots are occupied and he finally points towards the hedge maze. “In the maze there’s a gazebo in the centre of it; we can talk there.” You deadpan, “You know considering how much your family taxes the entirety of the nation im surprised you haven’t installed enough benches here of any form of actual shade with that money.” Soobin awkwardly stands in silence before murmuring, “…well you’re not wrong.” You sigh, “Right lets just go, your majesty.”

A flustered Soobin leads the way and you both begin to walk through the maze to which he seems to know like back of his hand. Soobin encourages himself to walk out of his shell by starting conversation as the agonising silence between them was painful. “Uhm, so have you been in this maze?” “Yeah.” You respond nonchalantly. You weren’t trimming these hedges like a maniac for nothing. “Oh.” He murmurs. You couldn’t help but smile, “You feel awkward don’t you?” He mumbles embarrassed, “I just don’t think you like me very much…I don’t know how to hold a conversation with someone who doesn’t like me. Most people…uh tend to like me.”

Well yeah, you’re the prince.

Oh curse your heart for battering against your rib cage erratically. The way his eyes glisten in concern and how he lets out a nervous chuckle. He was like a bunny who was let out to roam free on a field for the first time. How adorable. Wait no. Stay focused! You mumble, “You were the one who said you wanted to talk in the first place.” Soobin nods, “Well yes, I did say that. It’s basically about yesterday.”

You sigh, “You apologised, I apologised isn’t it over?” Soobin stammers, “Not about you falling yesterday.” Too late for that you think. You could snort to your own jokes but you’d look like a psychopath laughing to yourself out of nowhere so you refrain. “I meant, I think we have a past together. You know me more than our encounter yesterday.” “I mistook you for someone.” You blurt out before you could even clearly think. What was wrong with you?

Soobin’s eyes deflate slightly, “I don’t think that’s the case. I feel you definitely knew who you were talking to.” The centre of the maze arrives past the several lefts, rights, twists and turns and you both look in awe at the glass gazebo structure specifically used for the noble to dine under whilst enjoying the nature. It wasn’t for use of staff but hey, if anyone caught you, you’d blame Soobin. It was his idea to sit here after all.

You clear your throat, “No really, I think I misunderstood.” Soobin pulls out the chair and it takes you a minute that he’s pulling the chair out for you to sit on. You splutter, “Oh-! Oh sorry.” He lets out a charming smile shaking his head as he then proceeds to seat himself opposite to you. He really was a gentleman, much to your dismay. You weren’t supposed to be swayed like this.

You get a grip on yourself. Just because he was your childhood friend/crush (which he doesn’t seem to know or is knowingly choose to ignore) you had to remain firm. He was the one who just dropped you out of nowhere and insulted you. You look down at your necklace feeling a heaviness in your heart. Maybe it was a bad idea to wear it at all, but you couldn’t let go.

“You said I fell, I remember as a child having a severe concussion. Is this what you were referring to?” He asks surprisingly more direct than you thought he could get. Your eyes narrow as you snarkily reply, “So you do remember.” Soobin mumbles, “Well you were the one just saying you mistook-“ You interrupt slightly feeling stupid, “Ah, ah, no. What I meant is I think we’re BOTH misunderstanding things here.” “Oh,” Soobin dryly responds. Another awkward silence.

You continue awkwardly, “Uhm, well, can you be honest with me? Do you really not remember me or..do you not want to? I just feel like there’s no way you could have forgotten me. I definitely haven’t forgotten you.” Soobin remains silent for a few moments as he frowns, “I’m sorry, I genuinely don’t know. My brain begins to hurt when I think about you because I know your face but…not your name or anything else. I really don’t mean it on purpose.”

Your heart aches with every beat becoming painful. Soobin asks, “Were you someone from my childhood, I don’t think I can remember anything from before the age of six of seven though. It’s all blurry.”

You decide it’s best to tell him everything then and there. You find that he genuinely doesn’t remember what happened. Now what’s gotten you worried is that maybe that fall all those years ago, took away his and yours most happiest memories. Guilt strikes you as you thought he chose not to remember you but from how he’s acting, it appears there’s been some miscommunication or perhaps even foul play here. You felt sorry for giving him unnecessary dislike, you could honestly never hate him. Because unfortunately for you, your unrequited feelings from the age of 13 were stronger than ever.

You murmur, “Soobin, I think you have a gap in your memory. It’s probably because of the severe concussion you had. May I remind you of who I am and what our relationship was?”

Soobin’s brows furrow; his head was honestly pounding at this point. He was trying, he really was, desperately trying to remember you. Trying to cling onto barely blurry images of past memories. Whilst not successful he knew there was something of you in his mind, and the way thinking of you. He knew he felt something for you.

The way his heart jumped and fluttered in his chest, the his chest felt a blossom of warmth. How he’d shiver when your eyes met his. How he felt the urge to keep smiling around you despite you being rather grumpy or sarcastic at times. It was refreshing in fact that you weren’t catering your behaviour, acting all cordial around because of his status. He liked it. The fuzzy memories made him feel warm inside.

Soobin peers at you with the most warm and gentle gaze making your heart race. “Please tell your name. Tell me what happened. Tell me why you make me feel as though I’ve been missing something so incredibly important to me. You’re a mystery that feels nostalgic to me.” You felt like you could burst into tears any second. You sadly smile back at him, “Listen up then. We have a lot to cover.” He nods covering one hand atop another and he leans forwards in interest, “Mhm?”

“Firstly my name is…”

[7 years ago]

“Y/n! Y/n! Come on, come on! Our usual spot!” A soft voice shouts. Your head turns seeing the young boy with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. He is dressed in a white frilled shirt tucked in nicely into his black tailored trousers with socks and expensive leather boots. The little prince looks simply adorable causing a rupture of cooing from people who passed by.

You peer down at your cotton gown your mother had bought for you. It may not be as nice quality of Soobin’s satin shirt, nonetheless it was very comfy and that’s all that matters to you. You were very happy to show off your new dress that your mother had bought you for your 13th birthday earlier this month. It was a lovely peach coloured gown complete with white lacy frills. You call out running after him, “Coming! Wait for me you silly prince!”

Your father was a florist down in the kingdom below running a family owned shop whilst your mother worked as gardener here in the palace gardens where she would often take you to work with her when you didn’t have school to attend. You don’t quite know how you made friends with the prince, perhaps him sitting solemnly on the bench one day with a book accompanied with a frown made you feel like he needed someone. If it wasn’t anyone else, why couldn’t it be you?

Though he was overwhelmed by your noisy and rather different etiquette to his, he found himself enjoying you company, albeit slowly. You wanted to bring him out of his shell, and you were slowly realising he was becoming more confident and happier, the closer you got over the last few months. Your best friend. Your entire world.

He also thought of you the same way; his best friend. His source of happiness from the world far away from his fingertips. You were the hand that opened his bird cage and set him free to enjoy things, though secretly without his parents knowing, you gave him confidence to have fun, to forget all the stuffy etiquette and manners for awhile to genuinely act like a teen should. Soobin couldn’t help but want to see you all the time, to be with you all the time.

So that’s what you did, you spent any moments of free time hanging out together. You begged your mother to take you with her after speed running through homework and chores. Soobin similarly hurried his things, wove between the suspicions of his parents wondering why he always loved going to the gardens a little too much. You were his escape, he was yours from a life that had too many limitations.

“Your hands are so small,” he wonders in awe. His gentle hands grip yours and you feel your heart fluttering for some odd reason. You both sit behind the largest tree in the garden. The trunk itself is wide enough to engulf you both and hide you from unnecessarily nosy prying eyes. You huff, “Well, your hands are huge. One punch and you would send someone to space.”

The young prince stares bewildered at you as you try to contain your laugh. His heart jumps a bit and he can’t help but smile widely; almost goofily at the comment.

“You’re strange you know that?” He mumbles still holding your hand. You glare, “You’re stranger.” Soobin scoffs, “This is getting nowhere, anyway this is your birthday gift.” He shoves his hand in his pocket and takes something out; it appears to be small as he engulfs it in his hand not wanting you to see yet.

You raise a brow, “It’s not my birthday.” Soobin deadpans and whispers, “it was two weeks ago I know. It’s just really late, I’m sorry about that. I worked really hard to get this. If my parents found out, it would be really bad!”

You pout slightly worried, “You didn’t do anything stupid did you? I don’t want you to get in trouble. I don’t want you to get me anything really.” Soobin rolls his eyes unfolding your hand and shoving it into your hand and proceeding to curl your fingers back over it. You feel the sizzlingly cool sensation of cold metal spread across the middle of your palm. It was smooth but tiny.

You unfold your hand revealing a beautiful silver ring. There was a single little oval shaped pink stone in the middle. He mumbles, “It’s pink quartz, by the way.”

It felt a little heavy, it felt rather real silver to you. You pale, “You didn’t steal this or something right?” Soobin glares, “You think so lowly of a prince? Mind I remind you how much money I have?”You correct him, “Your parents have, you mean.” He huffs crossing his arms; a cute pout weighs on his lips, “Whatever, do you like it or not?”

You release a little giggle. If you could you’d be screaming in joy to the stars. You got gifted a ring; your first ever ring. You couldn’t dream of affording a real silver ring. You coyly answer, “Mmm, it’s pretty and all, but the colour of the stone…you know I don’t like pink as much as I do purple.” Truthfully you were overjoyed whatever colour it was, all that mattered was it was from Choi Soobin. A little teasing couldn’t hurt.

Soobin groans, “You have even higher standards than me and you’re not even a princess!” You giggle peering at him and his eyes widen as you pull him in for a tight hug. His cheeks tint as pink as the blossoms in the trees around you. Your head rests on his chest to your amusement where you could hear his heart pounding. Not that you could laugh, yours was too.

You murmur feeling euphoric, “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it so much. It’s so, so pretty.” Soobin awkwardly stumbles as he then timidly wraps his arms back around you and hugs you back. His head rests on your shoulder. He murmurs, “I’m glad you like it. You should probably wear it before you lose it though.”

You let him go before going to put on the ring and he suddenly takes your hand making your heart reach your throat. “May I?”

Your eyes widen and for the first time in awhile you’ve become stunned silent. He takes the ring and gently slides it on your finger. It’s a bit loose but you didn’t mind. He frowns, “I didn’t really know your ring size but from the pre-sets I chose the second smallest. I’m sorry.”

You had the urge to hug him again but you hold yourself back and shake your head with a smile, “It’s okay. It’s tight enough that it won’t fall off, that’s good enough for me.”

Curiosity taps your mind as you ask, “How did you get this by the way without your parents knowing? Your parents don’t like me right? They always tell us not to hang out together.” Soobin seems to let a reaction mixed between embarrassment and guilt. He mumbles, “Well I went to the jewellers in the palace and I asked them to create a ring. They asked why my parents weren’t here and I said I just wanted one for myself and that I got permission to do so.” You raise a brow, “Right…”

“But the jeweller didn’t believe me and said he was going to ask my father. So I just pretended to start crying on the spot and threatened to get him fired.”

You begin to let out one of the most chaotic laughs your body could release; you never expected this of the perfect prince soobin who was known for his immaculately sensible behaviour. Soobin whines, “Don’t laugh at me! I did all this for you!”

“Sorry, sorry continue,” you chuckle out.

Soobin resumes, “well anyway, the jeweller panicked and asked to negotiate and he agreed. As for payment I couldn’t give him money otherwise the accountants in our palace would know and let my parents know. So I…”

You drawl out, “…Soobin? What did you give him?” He peers down at his right hand and your eyes widen seeing that one of his rings were missing.

You screech quietly, “You idiot! You absolute idiot! You told me that was gold! What is wrong with you! I didn’t need you to exchange your ring to get me one! Imagine how much trouble you’ll get into!” You felt like crying he had done this all for you.

You’re about to pull the ring off and take him back to the jewellers to exchange it back somehow but he stops you by grabbing your wrist. Soobin smiles at you endearingly, “Don’t worry, y/n. Really, to see your reaction, it was worth it.”

“What if you get into trouble?” Your voice ends up cracking unintentionally. Soobin hums with a sigh, “Don’t worry I told my mother whilst I was playing in the garden myself it dropped off and I looked everywhere for it. She yelled at me a lot, really used a lot of lovely sentences, but it’s okay. Nothing that I’m not used to. A single ring barely makes a dent in our collection.”

You were really trying to hold in your tears. You whimper, “You got yelled at because you got me this.” He places a tender hand on your upper arm, “You mean a lot to me, and I wanted to give you a gift that was worthy for a prince to give.”

“You being with me is enough, prince or not, Soobin,” you mumble out. Soobin’s eyes glaze over, it felt like words he wanted to hear from you, no needed to hear from you.

You didn’t just like him because he was a prince but you liked him, hung out with him because you enjoyed being with him, his personality. You didn’t find him boring or stuck up in any sort. That meant an incredibly large amount to him, something no matter how much power or money he had, it could never replace.

His cheeks burn brightly and his heart flutters as though a butterfly was fluttering chaotically in the cage of his ribs. Soobin likes you.

More than a friend.

Though you didn’t quite know it at the time, you did too. You really liked him.

Your eyes both peer softly at each other and you let out a breathless laugh. Soobin smiles warmly, “For once you’re not being mean to me.”

You lightly smack his arm, “Only for now. Plus, I’m impressed.” He raises a brow, “Why?”

You mischievously grin, “I didn’t know the prince could be a little schemer. Manipulating the poor jeweller like that.” Soobin whines dragging his hands down his face, “Oh god, you’re not going to let that go ever are you.”

“Nope.” You giggle out.

“Soobin! Soobin! It’s time for your fitting young man! Where are you?” A voice bellows out. Soobin huffs, “Oh no, I think that’s my tailor. I have to get my suit fitted, my mother is going to be there. She’ll ask too many questions again. We’ve only hung out for half an hour so far.”

Your brain whirs thinking of something, anything to prolong your time with him. You hear a bird chirp above you in the branches and your lightbulb moment appears. You tap his shoulder, “I have an idea, follow me.” He looks at you confused and slightly panicked as you begin to hoist yourself up the bark of the tree trunk. It’s kind of prickly but you manage up the first branch where you wave down and hiss, “Hurry up if you don’t want to get caught!”

Soobin nervously peers around and then back up at you frantically waving from the lowest branch.

“Soobin? Where are you young man? You better not be playing with that peasant girl again!”

Soobin sighs before beginning to climb up the tree getting his pristine white satin shirt dirty with the bits and pieces of dirt and bark. You continue to climb up higher and higher to get out of everyone’s line of sight; you were aiming for the third to last branch branch near the top so no one could spot you two. If this worked out, you’d move your hangout spot here instead!

“Keep going Soobin! We got this!” You pant out, “Slow and steady!” You reach the branch successfully and as you thought this was a thick branch and didn’t wobble around as much as the others one below. You peer down seeing Soobin struggling. It wasn’t much of a surprise considering you don’t think the prince spent much of his time during early childhood outside or even climbing anything in fact whilst it was the opposite for you.

You reach your hand out from the study branch; it was way high up; the wind was much stronger up her and the tree itself was swaying rather harshly making Soobin panic more. “I don’t think t-this is a good idea y/n-!” You scoff, “Oh come on, one more branch, hold my hand and you’ll be up here! Don’t be a scaredy cat! Trust me!”

Soobin nods and reaches his hand out and leans forward to grab your hand. Just before his fingers brush against yours you hear a deafening crack and snap. Before you know it, Soobin who was less than a metre away from was now descending. The sight that would never leave your mind.

Soobin was falling. Soobin falling fast. You let out the loudest scream you’ve ever heard and could physically produce. A sickening crunch resounds out as his body slams into the ground below, where you both were just sat mere minutes ago.

You hurriedly scramble down; tears streaming down your face as though a dam had broken. You scream, “Soobin! Oh my god, Soobin!” With how fast you skidded down the tree, your hands, knees and elbows were cut up and torn from the rough texture of the bark; but you didn’t care.

Nearby staff witnessed the young prince falling and slamming into the ground as they all rush around him. You begin to wail loudly as you see a pool of blood soak into the grass below and some of his limbs in unangled positions. He can’t be dead! He can’t be!

One of the maids place their heads against his chest and peer down at his face. “His heart is beating, he’s breathing.”

A collective sigh is heard. Soobin’s battered body writhes as he continues to bleed heavily from his head. He rasps out, “H-Hurts…sp-spinning…hurts…”

“The prince has sustained a severe head injury! Get him to medical immediately! Carry him! Carry him! Go, go, go!”

You stand there as dread fills you and you get pushed around as everyone follows where Soobin is getting transported to. You lifelessly stand there with a dead stare. This was all your fault. He got severely injured because of your selfishness.

Why? How long was it going to last anyway? His parents never liked you. Why did you both try to hard?

Now you ruined everything. You deserved it. He didn’t. ‘It should have been me,’. You think over and over.

You don’t realise what’s happening as one of the adults come up to you with their arm raised. A stinging sensation stirs in your cheek and your face is whipped to the left. You had just gotten slapped.

“You filthy wretched girl. It is your fault, how many times must you get reprimanded to not spend your time with the prince and now look what’s happened! Your foolish behaviour has now endangered the prince. If you were over eighteen you’d have been jailed! Jailed, I tell you! You disgusting child, get out of our sights. Filthy peasant, just wait till their majesties find out whose responsible!”

He continues blabbering and spitting insults at you and you find yourself tuning him out as the world become blurry as your tears fill your sight. You have nothing to say.

You knew nothing good in life would last. This was just another testament to that. Guilt couldn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling.

Two days pass and Soobin’s condition worsened as he reached the medical room and he had been unconscious for hours upon hours. He had suffered intense over bleeding and luckily he didn’t break his skull but there was a nasty cut where part of his scalp had split.

Eventually the young prince wakes up albeit in incredible pain and drifts in and out of consciousness. His mother sits beside him concerned but also infuriated. “How could you be so foolish to think you could climb up a tree that height safely? I knew that girl was bad news from the start, that’s why I told you to stick to your school friends! This is why I don’t let you interact with the commoner-“

“…huh? What tree? I…climbed up a tree?” Soobin croaked out with a killing headache. Soobin’s mother narrows her eyes, “Don’t play dumb young man.”

Soobin whines, “I don’t get anything, why am I here? Why do you keep going on about a girl? What girl?”

The mother sits up straight and places a plastic smile on her face, “My dear, rest up. I’m just worried about you. I’m a delirious that’s all, don’t worry about a thing. Do you remember what happened?”

Soobin groans, “It hurts to try and remember. I just remember being on the ground surrounded by people.”

“Sweetheart, well, I’ll explain everything later. For now your priority is to rest okay? Mother will be right here beside you. Rest up.” She hums pleasantly.

The sudden mood switch takes Soobin off guard, “But-“ She grits out, “I said. Rest. Up. Talking will do you no good towards recovery.” He goes silent.

Days pass, your own mother and father were getting a dreadful earful from the staff of the palace and unfortunately from the king himself. Though luckily due to it being an accident, no punishments were given. Though unfortunately, your mother was humiliated beyond compare.

“Stupid girl, I have told you countless times not to hangout with the prince and now look what’s happened!” Your mother decided she was going to find another job elsewhere; she couldn’t handle the shame. You felt your life getting torn apart.

You stand outside the medical room; you wanted to apologise one last time before you left and couldn’t come back without your mother tearing you apart.

“You wretch, what are you doing here? To hurt my son even more?” You pale as you see the queen herself step out of the room with vicious eyes. “What have your filthy parents taught you? Leave him alone.”

You feel angered at the insults and you cry out, “I wanted to apologise, that’s all!”

“Take you and your is useless apology and get out of my sight, child!” She screeches. You begin to weep in front of her. You help seeing Soobin in the room through the doorway behind her, “Soobin, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Soobin who peers at all of this from his bed groans, “Mother, what’s going on? Who is she?”

Who is she?

Who is she?

Who were you?

The queen hums, “No one dear, some peasant child has got you mistaken for someone else it seems.”

You weep, “Soobin no! You know who I am! I’m sorry if I’ve upset you!” You get shoved away and tumble to the floor pathetically. “Leave my son alone.”

Soobin groans in irritation as the pounding in head exponentially gets more painful. Why did you make his head ache worse? He snaps, “Just leave us alone, I’m in already enough pain as is! Go away!”

You sit there pathetically. The queen glares, “You heard what he said, get out. Or I’ll get your mother to escort you out herself. All he thinks of you is a pitiful peasant. He gave you some of his free time out of pity. He doesn’t want to play with you anymore. That’s all.”

You just wanted the world to devour you whole and make you never see the light of day again.

<><><><>

“It’s not your fault.” Your tear filled eyes peer back at Soobin who appears to have also shed a few tears. You sniffle out, “Don’t need to make me feel better. I shouldn’t have suggested it. You took such a big fall, I ruined what we had. Now I feel even more shit, thinking that you played with me out of pity or that you were ignoring me this entire time.”

You inhale deeply as tears come out. Years worth of bottled up emotion come bubbling out like boiling water. “It’s my fault, even now. Me misunderstanding you. Soobin, you deserve someone better truly. It was my mistake to come up to you yesterday and have to remind you of all this. God…I regret everything.”

Soobin gets up and sits in the chair beside you placing a tentative hand on your upper arm. “Hey, hey. Breathe. Breathe.”

His tone was calming, soothing even. Him being next to you felt all too familiar. Yet you both were a lot more grown up.

“I… after my mother left here, I was told to stay at home more often. Just school home and to just stick with my friends at school. I ended up working with my father at the florists before the salary wasn’t good enough. Business was slow. My mother was increasingly becoming sick with age. So I went back to the palace to apply to become a gardener around a year ago. Luckily the staff since the incident had changed, except a few recognising me, most people didn’t.”

You bitterly laugh, “Gardening is all I knew how to do. My mother drilled it into me from a young age. So h-here I am, doing what she did all those years ago.”

Soobin murmurs, “Do you not like gardening?”

You shake your head with a soft smile, “I do, I love it actually. Plants give me such peace, they’re beautiful to look at, to talk to, to be with.”

Soobin comforts you, “That’s beautiful to think like that. Nature is a gift. You have a beautiful mindset.” You shrug, “I guess. It’s the only thing I know how to do well. Plus the palace pays well. Okay, not well, but better.”

Soobin frowns his heart aches. His mind was a complete frazzled mess. Some of the blurry memories become clearer and clearer with some snapshots of memories with you becoming more noticeable as though a camera lens beginning to focus on its subject.

His eyes pinpoint to the necklace on your neck. The smooth silver chain contains a hanging loop and that loop indeed looks like the ring you described to him. He murmurs, “Is that the ring?”

You bashfully smile through your tears, “It’s stupid isn’t it, still keeping it with me? You must think I have such abandonment issues.”

Soobin mumbles, “No, no I think…it’s rather sweet. It’s really cute actually.”

Your heart palpitates seeing his lips bloom into a bright smile with his cheeks glowing a faint pink. He shakes his head to get some strands out of the way of his eyes.

You hum fiddling with the ring, “It’s too small for me now, so I decided to loop it onto a plain silver necklace I bought later on like a charm of sorts.”

“I’m really happy you like it.” He smiles blissfully.

You chuckle, “You don’t remember giving it to me, but thanks.” He lets out a melodic laugh which sound heavenly to your ears. Over the years that soft pitched voice you once loved, had become more addictive with a low timbre and husk yet still with that soft edge to it. Listening to his voice felt like lying on the softest of velvets.

Soobin responds, “It’s just nice to see you smile, I can tell it makes you very happy.”

You could tell, dreadfully you could tell chatting with him now, seeing how he’s grown into this beautifully handsome man who was articulate in his feelings, endearingly shy, you were falling even harder than ever. You were scared that he’d be ripped out of your grasp once again. That you’d mess it up all.

After all, there’s no way he sees you like that now. There’s no way his parents will allow you both to be together, maybe even see each other. It was tragic.

You painfully get up; your legs felt a little shaky from all the pent up emotion. You miserably smile, “Well I should get back to work, otherwise people will notice I’ve been gone for too long. It’s probably not a good idea if we’re seen together you know. I’m glad I got to remind you of the past, and I hope that these brief memories do mean something to you. I’ll see you around, your majesty.”

You really feel like sobbing right now. You wanted to collapse into the grass and weep for hours. What did you hope to achieve by seeing him again? Telling him all this? For him to suddenly remember and just poof! Go back to the way it was?

You begin to walk your way; you decide not to turn back over your shoulder. You don’t think you could handle the sight of him watching you walk ahead.

You begin to step forward but you hear the rapid crunching of grass and you let out a quiet gasp as you feel a large hand envelop your wrist. You peer around seeing Soobin looking concerned, brows furrowed, “Who told you that I didn’t want to see you again?”

His tone held a lot more conviction than you expected. You stammer out wide-eyed, “…what?” Soobin loosens just grip on your wrist, “You were talking like we were never going to see or talk to each other again.”

You squeak out, “…are we…not?”

Soobin sighs with his eyes twinkling, slightly reddened from the tears he let out, “Accidents happen, we were younger, we were teens. I am still alive right? You didn’t push me off the tree, I fell by pure chance.”

You remain silence. “Yeah but if I didn’t climb up the tree fir-“

“Stop.” His soft yet commanding tone cuts through your sentence. “I don’t hate you for it, as I said, it was an accident. What if the same thing had happened the other way around? You had fallen instead, and I had climbed up the tree first?”

You peer away, tears once again forming in your eyes. He was so forgiving, you didn’t know whether you deserved it.

His eyes darken, “I’m more upset about what happened afterwards. Why no one told me about you, about your whereabouts. Hid you from me. Erased you from my life. When you were the only thing in my childhood keeping me sane.” Your eyes glimmer and you break down into tears.

Soobin frowns, “Oh im sorry, for making you cry.”

You sniffle out, “No, it’s not…I…” you can barely speak. Soobin tentatively walks closer and your eyes widen as he pulls you in for a hug. His arms wrap around you and your face lies on his chest. You weep even more; you hadn’t hugged him since that day; now here he was hugging you. You feel his hand cup the back of your head in a tender grip. “You are back and that’s all that matters, y/n.”

Your fingers tightly grip his overcoat as he holds you for a few moments before releasing you. You brokenly look at him, “I’ve missed you…so, so much.”

Soobin gently smiles, “I may not have remembered everything we’ve experienced but I know that I am overjoyed to see you again. It’s slowly coming back to me.”

You murmur, “Your parents won’t be happy to see us again. Your father has seen me once in the gardens and gave me the dirtiest look possible. I don’t even want to think about your mother.”

You remember Soobin’s relationship with his parents was rather distanced and cold, even cruel at times. He was treated as a mere heir that’s it. The only affection he got was either fake or from other people.

Soobin’s eyes sharpen, “It appears that my parents didn’t want us to hang out with each other after the incident. From what you’ve told me, they never liked us being near each other.” You nod, “I…yeah. I’m not a noble woman Soobin, so, I suppose that’s why.”

Soobin’s eyes twinkle, “Your status doesn’t matter to me.” Your heart flurries in your chest. “I’ve found my long lost best friend, my home.” You felt warm inside. Complete even.

Your feelings maybe be unrequited but you were happy to have him by your side once again. You’d rather that than anything else. Soobin murmurs, “I suggest you get back to work…I’m going to take care of things.” You can see the hurt and betrayal lingering in his eyes.

“Where are you going?”

He replies coldly, “I’m going to talk to my parents.” You stand there dumbfounded as he walks off. In all your life you knew him, you knew he was absolutely terrified of his parents wrath. He listened to every minute detail, every lecture, every order they demanded. To become the picture perfect prince. There was no way in hell, he was going to talk back to them.

Yet he walks off.

<><><><><

“What is wrong with you, dear? Honestly chin up. We mustn’t be seen with solemn faces.” His mother reprimands clearly already annoyed with Soobin interrupting her discussion with the king.

Soobin’s hands and legs tremble seeing both their unimpressed faces. He’s never had a positive experience with these two. Any opinions, any thoughts he’s ever wanted to share were always instantly shut down. Even a hint of sadness, guilt practically any negative emotion apart from vanity or confidence just made him seem weak in their eyes.

He knew his parents weren’t the best of rulers. Despite all this, the people adored him, hoped for him to be better than they were. Expectation that felt like he was going to be thrown into the ocean with a stone anklet where he’d sink and sink.

“Out with it, boy!” His father impatiently snaps. Soobin flinches slightly before murmuring, “I want to talk about my concussion. When I was around fourteen?”

His mother’s glare darkens and she mutters, “Why now? You’re fine.” Soobin’s eyes sharpen and his fists clench, “You lied to me.”

“Watch your tone, I did no such thing.”

“You’re lying again.” Soobin scoffs. He was fed up of it all.

His father snarls, “What is wrong with you?” Soobin bitterly mumbles (trying to keep his shaking to a minimum and trying to put on a mediocrely brave face), “Y/n. You hid her from me. You took advantage of my fall, my concussion.”

“It was minor amnesia, how could you blame us?” His mother yells. Soobin snaps with his eyes watering, “No it wasn’t you, told me that I fell down the tree myself! Even though I had felt like something was missing or off about that memory, you had always brushed me off! You manipulated me!”

His parents look unaffected by his outcry and his father merely scoffs, “Don’t tell me you saw that wretched girl?”

Soobin stammers, “What if I did?”

His mother snaps at his father, “I knew we should have fired her as soon as I spotted her around the palace. I told you!”

Soobin watches just appalled by the nature of his sorry excuse of what he called parents. How could he share a bloodline with such horrid people?

His father barks back, “Well, she’ll be gone for now, that’s for sure. I’ll get her fired immediately.”

Anger swirls inside Soobin and he shouts stepping forward, “Don’t touch her. You won’t do anything.”

“How so? Are you the king?” His father demeans. His mother looks condescendingly at him, “Did she tell you her pathetic sob story is that why you’re like this? Come now, if you wanted more friends, you could have just gone out more like i told you.”

Soobin hisses, “You took her from me once, I’m not letting it happen again.“

His mother rolls her eyes letting out an exasperated sigh, “You sound a like fool in love, I knew I should have separated you two the moment you both met back then.”

Soobin begins to crack through his brave exterior and he stammers with rage filling him, “She was my best friend. You erased her from my life like she was nothing.”

“She is nothing. You are the prince, heir to the throne of this nation. You cannot be involved with mere peasants like her.”

Soobin glares with a ferocity that was foreign to his parents, “Don’t call her that.”

The father mockingly chuckles, “I think the boy has gone and fallen for her.” Soobin splutters as emotion fills him, “No-! I just, she’s my best friend how could I not defend-“

“It is indeed tough, you won’t be seeing her again after today. Deal with it young man. Don’t disobey again. Lets finish this useless discussion and go off do something useful.” His father sharply cuts in. Soobin’s mother hums unimpressed, “If I see you with her again. There will be large consequences you hear me?”

Soobin’s eyes swirl in a dark shade making his umber irises seem murky. He had enough of everyone. He sharply snaps, “If you want an heir to the throne I suggest you mind your actions. I won’t hesitate to run off.”

His parents blood runs cold. He would never right? Is he threatening to run away?

“Soobin!” His mother screams. Soobin coldly peers at them, “I don’t care about my position anymore. You made me hate everything about it. Get her fired, and you’ll never see me in this palace again.”

His heart was pounding at a rate he’d never felt; he felt almost light headed. He’d never talked back to his parents like this; it kind of felt refreshing. Empowering even to see them stunned to silence.

“Son, let’s talk about this.”

“I have nothing to say.” Soobin slices coldly.

“Dear, you know we’re doing this for your own good, right? It’s just not right you know? What would other nobles think if they saw you associating with someone like her? I can get you a lovely prince, princess or duke or duchess to befriend instead-“

Soobin responds harshly, “I don’t want anyone. I want her.” He turns around and mutters, “think wisely whether you want your heir to your kingdom. All I ask is for one thing.”

His parents remain silently seething with anger as he slams the door closed.

Tears run down his cheeks as he walks back towards his chambers. He did it, he talked back to his parents. For the first time ever, he felt accomplished. He just hoped he hadn’t pushed them over the edge. He collapses onto his bed; he only hoped for the best.

<><><><><

Ryujin shakes her head, “See, I’m trying to process all this still. It’s been what, two days? He’s not come to see you. Are you sure about this?”

You frown, “I’m scared his parents did something. They’re rather strict you know? What if they threatened him?”

Ryujin rubs your back reassuringly, “You know, he sounds like a good guy. If you met again after all this, I feel like fate has something in store for you guys. I mean it.”

You smile at her and she gives you her characteristic smile with her dimples almost looking like whiskers. You loved it.

“Thanks, Ryujin.” She hums, “Either way, we gotta move on with life. Regardless of the outcome.” She points at your necklace, “Plus you got that pretty ring, always connected and all that.”

You chuckle, “Thanks I guess.”

She raises a brow, “You know, it’s pink quartz you told me right? I know gemstones have meanings, did he tell you why he picked this ring?”

You try to think back and your realise he never did.

“You know what it means?” You ask. She snorts, “No, I was just thinking. Pretty cute stone though. Looks romantic and shit.”

You shake your head with a goofy smile, “Yeah, I don’t think he felt the same about me as I did for him.” Ryujin teasingly smiles, “You never know, not like you asked him. He really could be your Prince Charming.”

“Very funny, but no. Even if he did, it’s obviously pointless after forgetting me.”

She winks, “Always can have another go? Leave him star struck with your fairytale-esque beauty!” You groan, “I hate you.”

She laughs, “What?”

“Hey there.” A soft tone interrupts both your chaotic chatter and you swear you could see the stars with the way your head spins. There stands Soobin surrounded with two guards. He carried with him a beautiful smile on his face; dressed in a cream satin shirt and black slacks. His black wavy locks bounce gently in the breeze and his earrings twinkle under the sunlight. He simply looked ethereally angelic.

Soobin bows courteously towards the both of you and Ryujin shoots up to standing, “Y-Your majesty, fu-goodness me I mean!” You almost burst out laughing at her change in demeanour and you both bow back.

“Good afternoon to the both of you.” He softly murmurs. He looked good, fantastic in fact; he was glowing. Maybe it was the glistening smile, the feel of happiness surrounding him. He looked really happy.

You murmur pointing to your left, “This is Ryujin. My best friend here. Of course, Ryujin you know who he is.” She nods, “It’s a pleasure to meet you your majesty.”

You snicker, “She’s not this polite usually, by the way.”

She smacks your upper arm, “What she means, your majesty is that, I can be a little playful at times.”

Soobin lets out a beautifully husky chuckle making your heart twist and churn. “No worries, no need to act differently around me. Relax.”

You notice him staring intently at you and you smile at him clutching your (unfortunately) clammy hands together. You murmur, “How did it go? With your parents?” Soobin smiles stepping forward, “Terrible.”

You stammer getting off put by his smiling face, “Uh…terrible?”

He hums, “We argued constantly, despite me finally standing up to them. I threatened to run away with you. To leave my life behind here.”

You heart stops. He’d do that for you?

“Why…? No you shouldn’t.”

Soobin shakes his head, “Don’t worry, I had feeling you’d not approve. I also don’t want to leave my people behind. I am a prince after all; it was a mere ploy.”

Ryujin clears her throat, “Well, I didn’t think the sweet prince had a scheming streak.”

You hum peering down at your ring necklace, “Oh, I see it’s still not gone. Even better at scheming than you were back then.” Soobin blushes slightly and nervously laughs, “You’re making me sound like I’m going to overthrow my father.”

He points at the blank faced guards beside him, “So my parents got extremely paranoid I’d suddenly disappear off. I didn’t want them to separate us again. They finally gave into my demands this morning.”

Your eyes sparkle in hope. Soobin smiles, “So these two guards here have been assigned to make sure I don’t leave but other than that…” he drawls off. His eyes meet your with a warm and loving gaze, “We can hang out with each other. We can be seen together regardless of what anyone says. We c-can make up for lost time.” He shyly finishes off with a pink tinge to his cheeks.

“You know I feel bad for the guards who have to witness this,” Ryujin snorts. The guards don’t reply except for having a lifelessly dead stare making her cackle. You launch yourself at Soobin and wrap your arms around him as tightly as you can. His arms lock around you as he stumbles back releasing a flustered laugh.

“You could spin her around you know, would really elevate the romance.” Ryujin hums nonchalantly. “Romance..?” Soobin stammers turning red as the roses in the garden. You clear your throat, “Ignore her, she can get a bit weird at times.”

“Fuck you too then.” She huffs. Prince Soobin pales at the language and you almost cry of laughter. “You’re going to have get to used to the colourful vocabulary.”

Soobin awkwardly murmurs, “I see…”

You laugh, “Think of it as non-royal etiquette.” Soobin clears his throat, “Seems I have a lot to learn.”

Ryujin hums playfully, “Don’t worry you’ll pick it up quick.”

Ryujin promptly leaves to get back to her shift leaving you in Soobin’s company. You peer at his features. He’s really grown. “You’re staring.” He mumbles peering back your own features.

“You’ve really grown into your features, Soobin. You’re…you’re really handsome.” You awkwardly mumble. His eyes widen and he becomes flushed. His eyes scan your face; you swear you could see his pupils dilate and linger a little longer on your lips.

Perhaps your imagination was wondering a little too much.

“You’re beautiful. Really, when i first saw you in the library, I was rather awestruck.” He admits and your heart batters against your chest. You breathlessly laugh, “We’ve changed a lot huh.”

“I think I liked you.” Soobin suddenly murmurs. Your vision almost whites out; you could have gotten whiplash from how quickly you snapped your face to his.

“…h-huh..?”

Soobin is staring at your necklace and he reaches forward nervously placing the ring between his thumb and index. He peers at it intensely.

“Pink quartz. Do you know what it means? You said this ring was custom right?” He asks.

You answer dumbfounded, “I mean yeah, you w-went to the jewellers to get this m-made.”

Soobin bashfully smiles, “Yeah, then I think…I think I definitely liked you.”

The past tense was killing you inside. Not anymore right?

The stunning gemstone sparkles and glitters under the sunlight like agast are way of stars in the night sky. The soft pink hue reflects slightly on his fingers. “It’s unconditional love. The meaning of pink quartz.”

Your heart almost stops mid-beat. You shakily speak out, “O-Oh. I’m …”

You felt like crying. Soobin was incredibly shy back then. It was his indirect way of showing his feelings. Maybe he truly did plan on confessing. Maybe if you confessed first, it would have been okay? How could you now? Did he still like you? Probably not.

Soobin’s eyes dart up to meet yours and you both get locked into a dream-like stare. His gaze was swirling with thousands of unrecognisable things. You shakily respond, “…I liked you too, you know..”

His eyes widen slightly, “…really?”

“You’re so incredibly sweet, so caring and genuine. How could I not? You always cared for me. Made me feel safe, you didn’t look at the fact I wasn’t a noble, I was just some kid from a rogue village apart of your kingdom. You understood me, you listened to me. God…I…” your voice cracks and you curse internally. You must have sounded like such a loser in his eyes. It must be obvious that you were still in love with him. How lame.

“You have a beautiful heart.” Soobin comments peering at your with glimmering eyes. Your eyes widen as he shakily takes both your hands into his ones. They felt soft, warm and comforting. You noticed how his breathing was even; he was just as anxious as you.

“Everything about you is loveable and you’re so strong,” Soobin murmurs adoringly.

“You don’t have to love me out of pity. You barely remember anything,” you bitterly laugh.

Soobin squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t remember things we did. But I really do remember how I felt about you. It’s so strong. I feel so strongly about you. It feels like I have a phoenix flying around my heart.”

A moment of silence passes and he stammers, “You make me feel complete. I had a missing piece and now I feel whole.”

Another moment of silence nothing staring into each other’s eyes with thousands of thoughts passing between you both. “I don’t want to lose you again. Because of you I finally gained the confidence to speak up against my parents. To fight for what I want. To take control of my life back.”

“So…do you still like me?” You stammer. You felt stupid. You just needed a direct confirmation that’s all.

Soobin releases a breathtaking smile, “I thought I made it obvious.”

Your eyes twinkle as a tears line your eyes. “Say it you idiot. I need verbal validation.”

Soobin chuckles, “I like you. I like you a lot. And I hope to unravel everything I’ve forgotten about our past each day and to relive them with you.”

Fuck, you were beyond head over heels. You probably could run around screaming like a maniac out of joy if you could.

“I’ve always liked you. It’s the same now. And I’m so incredibly happy to be with you again. I’ve missed you so much, Soobin. Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend, and now…”

His eyes form crescents as he smiles brightly, “Your lover?”

“Yeah. My lover.”

His eyes sparkle, “I’m glad.”

He suddenly flushes dark pink as he timidly lifts your hand and gentle places a tender kiss on the back of your hand. You feel faint.

“Just to…emphasise the point.” He awkwardly clears his throat.

You take his hand just as softly and place a peck on the back of his, “There.”

He looks incredibly flustered and you hum with a playful smile, “To emphasise my reciprocal feelings.”

Soobin nervously places his hand on the back of his neck, “I should read more romance. This all feels so new.” You tease, “Well, I have plenty of recommendations.” Soobin splutters, “Oh..?”

“Uh, where did your guards go?” You take notice peering around to see where they went.

Soobin’s eyes widen, “Oh! They seem to have left…I’m not quite complaining though. It’s nice to have alone time again.”

You let out an amused hum, “Probably would have been awkward with them standing here.”

“Not a fan of the romance genre?” Soobin jokes and you gleam, “A shame.”

Soobin felt like a dream come true, like a long romance novel that had come to an end, it felt like you were on the last page of the books you loved so much.

Just as how you both were separated by the misunderstandings and blockage of emotions, fate had brought both of you back together. As though thorns live amongst the roses, you had got your soulmate back through the hardships and thorns you had trodden on and so did he.

[prettyboykatsuki]

please PLEASE write more abt bully bkg!!! what happened next?? what did kiri do omg

tw ;; mild toxicity, bully!bkg, kirishima being a shit, fem!reader 18+, spanking, oral (f!recieving), bkg accidentally worships your pussy instead of punishing you :/, unprotected sex, praise kink 

PT. 1

a/n ;; have i mentioned he makes me absolutely out of my mind yet? have i said that?!??#?$# 

i think we’ve established about the two of them enough by now so here’s how i picture it. 

like i said before - bkg is a campus athlete, popular and well-rounded and all around has that like image to him and so when he essentially confesses to you after fucking you stupid in the library, that’s basically him making you his girlfriend. you don’t know that for a long time but we’ll get there later. 

anwyays.. right after he fucks you nice n full of his cum, he slides your panties and shorts right back on and snickers as he watches you struggle to get to your feet before eventually helping you. he keeps your bra as a punishment and makes you keep his hoodie, almost biting you when you try and take kirishimas to return it to him. he’ll do it himself, don’t test him. 

when you’re all dressed - he makes you pack up and ends up walking you to your dorm room in the middle of the night (which you beg him to not do) but he’ll be fucking damned if anything bad happens to you. it’s his version of affectionate but you don’t know that yet so you’re mostly awkwardly trying to dodge him on the way back BUT he’s still bkg so when he notices that he yanks you. 

he makes you hold his arm and licks your cheek cause he’s such a fucking dick. hits you with a “get used to it, princess” with the most condescending tone. but he’s being so serious. you just think he’s teasing you but he’s not.. he means it. get used to him, basically because now he’s a constant presence in your life. 

he drops you off in front of your dorm and you’re about to wave him off but before you can go he grabs your waist and basically dips you for a kiss. and it’s so good - fuck, you wish you could say you hated it. but bakugou is experienced as much as he’s mean so he kisses you like his life depends on it, his fingers digging into your sides and his tongue in your mouth. you almost forget your in public until he pulls you back up 

he gives you a little breathless grin, patting your cheek with his hand and telling you “get cleaned up, dumbass” which is his way of telling you to get home safe. 

and you do get to your empty dorm. you take a shower and just kinda reflect on the actualy fuck transpired cause you were pretty positive he wanted you in a casket but?!?!?! you fucked him and he kissed you? so ???? 

youre in the middle of your exams and you’re honestly tired since you got fucked within in an inch of your life so you shower and just.. go to sleep. in his hoodie cause it smells good and it’s big and comfy and you’re like... thinking about it really hard but it just makes your headache. 

you conclude after a lot of tossing and turning that he’s probably still just trying to fuck around with you and maybe thinks you’re an easy lay.  you can’t say you aren’t since you were willing and ready for him (the thought of how easily you gave in has you flustered) 

you sleep, eventually. and you wake up the next morning not really expecting much. you don’t have bkgs number or anything so you just.. continue with your day as is. unlucky for you - you have classes with bakugou and kirishima 

but you don’t think it’ll be all that different. still so non-chalant. and you go to class that day dressed normally - with bakugous hoodie in hand. 

you sit in your regular seat that day and this is your first mistake. 

kirishima is in class before bakugou is. and he is.. as always, a little shit. so he pulls up right beside you because even though bkg is pissed at kiri - they are besties so he tells him everything. kirishima wont tease you abt it and u still think kirishima is quite nice and handsome so you’re pleased to greet him. 

ah.. another mistake on your behalf. this action WILL have consequences. 

kirishima gets so cozy with you btw. he loves that you’re so comfy w him - strokes his ego so good. and he chats you up for a better part of the hour before your morning class. 

he makes jokes and smiles and laughs and thinks about how easy it would be snatch you from bakugou and keep you to himself. he’s not good enough of a person to leave you alone. 

aaah kirishima is a sweetheart and he treats you well. so when you feel his hand on your thigh underneath the table - rubbing little circles into your knee, you don’t even notice. and when he gets super close to you to hear you talk - telling you your voice is too soft even tho a class is empty, you let him. 

and when you point out that ppl keep staring and whispering you, he tells you to ignore them and you do. you ignore the whispers and even the click of camera. 

it’s only when you hear bakugou that you get a strange feeling in your gut. he stomps into the classroom - vicious. his schedule is so busy he normally doesn’t get to lounge around before class making sure to keep everything tight 

but he got..  many messages about how you and kirishima were seating today. mostly from kami who likes to cause problems - he decided he should get there a lil early 

well.. lo and behold he does - and he finds you and kirishima looking incredibly cozy with each other. and kirishima being.. kirishima - is the first to see him and he shoots his beloved friend the most smug fuckin smile. 

bkg is pissed, naturally and stomps his way over to the two of you. he’s doing the thing again where he’s icy mad. he doesn’t even bother w kirishima and there’s a whole crowd around the three of you. 

“get your shit,” he demands, clearly seething. you give him a wild look, noticing the now obvious tension before being completely confused.  you’re about to protest w him but he sends you a spine-chillingly glare. 

your whole class watches as he yanks you by the wrist out of the classroom as kirishima sits back and gives u a little wave. ur lost. obviously. and once you leave the classroom ur like “where are we going?” 

the answer is to bakugous very nice car - a custom c3 corvette. he opens the door and stares you, grabbing your bags and taking them to the trunk. but u stand ur ground, cross your arms over your chest like 

“what are we doing out here?” 

bkg doesn’t hesitate in pushing you up against his car, his hands on your waist and his teeth nipping at your neck - sore from old bruises. and you gasp when you feel his fingers dig into your hips, all tongue and teeth. 

“the fuck did i say about you cozyin’ up t’ that shitty haired bastard yesterday,” 

this makes you swallow because bakugous mouth is travelling further and further and his hands are getting more bold. and you shiver, something hot and heavy in your core cause fuck he’s so possesive over you. it makes you dizzy, something sticky and warm in you. 

“i.. i d-didn’t think you were being s..serious yesteryday” 

he growls a little against your throat. 

“guess i’ll have to teach you another lesson. im gonna get in the car and then you are. easy enough, nerd?” 

you can’t do anything but nod and watch him open the car doors. when he gets in you follow and within the blink of an he manuevers you till your over his lap. you let out a loud yelp as his strong hands come down on your ass. still clothed. 

you let out a soft yelp - a noise of surprise at the sudden sensation and you feel bkg bend down to speak in your ear. 

“wanna act like a fuckin’ brat and flirt with your boyfriends friends? fine. i’ll fuck that shitty ass attitude right out of you,” 

the firs thing you think is “boyfriend?!” but your voice gets muffled when you feel bakugou pull down your bottoms along with your panties. his hands are so strong and so big - long thick fingers covered in callouses from playing so many games. you can’t help but squirm under his touch, a growing wetness making your stomach clench. 

he’s so so mean about it yk? a big strong hand smacking against your ass hard enough to leave a handprint. he chuckles when you whine, when your body shivers - bare cunt expose to him and nothing else. a wave of humilation floods through you. 

“‘s not my fault you’re like this y’know? all you gotta do is follow instructions - i know you now how to fucking do that, right? always bein’ so prissy,” ― bakugou tsks, smacking your ass hard before spreading your cheeks out. he admires the way your cunt trembles with mean laugh ― “but you wanna go flirt with shitty hair that much, huh?” 

you’re gonna protest and tell him it’s not even like that.. which makes you question why’re so eager to go with his demands. but the words get lost as the sound of spanks slowly drift and it’s just bakugou admiring your ass. he didn’t really get a good chance too when he was fucking you yesterday but now he’s got eagles on you n your pretty little cunt. 

“never gonna let anyone touch your pretty little pussy but fuckin’ me,” ― and he groans, sliding his fingers through your folds ― “fuck.. fuck” 

you’re not expecting much but within another few seconds you’ve got your cheek pressed to the glass window, ass up and body folded with your cunt directly in bkgs face. you’re not rlly sure why this was happening because you were sure you were getting punished. and maybe the humilation of having your face pressed to glass is enough 

but it doesn’t negate the fact bkg is tongue deep in your cunt. both hands massaging your ass - spreading your lips apart so he can get into fucking deeper. sliding his tongue against your folds and slurping on your clit until you’re jolting with pleasure like you’ve never known before in your life. you’re moaning so loud the whole campus could probably fucking hear but bkg doesn’t care and doesn’t stop 

and your thighs give out, he goes from eat it from the back to getting underneath you and has you sitting on his face. you just keep cumming and bakugou is rock fucking hard - but he doesn’t even bother jerking himself off. he spends all of his time n effort worshipping your sweet cunt  

you cum on his face so many times you’re completely limp by the time he sticks his dick in you. but it feels so good when he does that too - oversenstive walls stretched out his big cock, a hand on your sides as he shifts you into missionary. 

he doesn’t even intend to make you cum again but the position has him so deep in your cervix that you do and he’s so close. and when bkgs close, he’s fucking obscene. 

but it’s not all that vulgar like you’re expecting and that makes you fucking whine. hearing bakugou praise you and your pussy does something terrible to your brain and in your fucked out haze - arms around his shoulders, you’re fucking whimpering. 

and bkgs just in your ear like 

“such a sweet fuckin’ girl for me, taking my dick so damn good, haah fuck. all mind. know how to behave when i fuck you like this don’t you? be a good girl and take it all.. there you go, just like that,” 

when he cums inside of you he stays there for a while and stares at your completely gone expression. it’s unusually soft and you wont see it often but he grabs your face and kisses you hard 

“you’re my girlfriend now you fuckin’ dweeb so start fuckin’ acting like it yeah?” 

you whine and nod, unable to refuse even if u want too 

“yeah..yeah” 

[goldendivinewrath]

@full-of-mercy

Another victory for grabby hands, it seems, but he feels victory in more than that. Wolfwood was, is, a sight, looming over him. Or, really, hardly looming; he looks a lot more like a patient predator trying to decide whether he wants to pounce or wait a little while for his appetite to get bigger. Vash almost laughs at his own nonsensical thoughts, but he's... distracted. Easily, willingly distracted, letting himself take that stretch of time to admire, memorize. it isn't as if he doesn't know what the other man looks like, obviously, in most states of being. So drunk he looks perfectly sober is a personal delight of his, but...

Attraction. And want. And need. Separate categories, words that have meaning. Concepts that have words. It's all a little bit of metaphorical sand scattered across a floor that hasn't been cleaned in who knows how long, and who cares. In the face of experiencing things, the academic thoughts about them vanish. Good riddance; he much prefers to have room in his mind for this.

For inviting the man who is no more predator than he is don't think about it, don't think about it closer, with enthusiasm. With the power of want alone, quite possibly, but it's something that he sees reflected back at him. It's good, it's good, it's--

Easy. He doesn't let himself dwell on that thought long enough to worry it through, to tug at edges that are perfectly fine not being thoroughly explored to the point of unraveling. They've fought together long enough, traveled and drank and spent enough quiet moments together to understand bare basics. Signals. Motion. Things that even he would swear have no physical cues, but they're known and followed regardless.

Still. it is nice to have that touch. The physical, the feel of a branding-hot hand even through leather to lift and move, then the touch of eye contact. Gazes meeting. Recognition. Asking, permission, playful curiosity. He won't get ahead of himself, though. Won't let himself.

There's no resistance, body or mind, as Vash lets Wolfwood lead and winds up making an inviting sort of sound that he might feel slight embarrassment for under other circumstances, welcoming teeth, welcoming contact, gazing down and trying to let himself relax enough to be directed. Not that he's tense, exactly, it's just-- Maybe he's a little too used to fighting alongside the man underneath him, and the movement abruptly stopping without good reason is the strange thing. He almost laughs all over again, but the instinct to breathe in the still moments takes over. Quiet. Watching. Lungs filling, deep rumbling resonance not stopped completely but calm. Low. His thighs relax minutely, shifting to a more comfortable position, keeping most of his weight off, but it's more curiosity that drives him to draw his knees just a little more forward, a little more in, gentle squeezing at Wolfwood's sides as he partially kneels, partially sits, head tilted lightly as he gazes down.

Then he does laugh, something which almost sounds shy. For no reason, he's sure. No reason in the least. "Different kind of cleaning guns, I guess--" He's only vaguely disappointed in himself. Mostly, he's grinning back too brightly to be anything but privately congratulating himself. "Different methods, different tools--"

Some of them. Most of them.

He's utterly lost the direction of whatever he's been saying. Wolfwood looks-- Alright, "happy" isn't exactly it, but he looks... ready and willing and comfortable in spite of the circumstances. Because of the circumstances? No pretence, no hiding, but no need to elaborate. It's a comfortable middle-ground. Possibly. Something like that.

It's warm eyes and the warmth of skin and the way he can feel the resonance increase, spread, and then calm again. It's the way it doesn't feel like he's approaching some big decision, some make or break moment. It just is. And he wants to savor it before it-- In case it all--

Leaning down, back bowed prosthetic hand splayed out against the mattress beside them and flesh and blood hand delicately splaying over the other man's bare chest (it takes effort not to tap at the metal so very close to his fingers), the rumbling vibration is barely present in his voice, low and soft. "Any requests? Or you just wanna take something apart and slide it back together again?"

Sound. Both of them can be bombastic, occasionally fulsome about it, at least when they have an argument to make, something to prove, butting heads over stupid things with the same strident passion that they argue about the most important things of all. Just the same, they can be loud in their accords, a clash of masks and miens, frustratingly disparate and simultaneously in lock-step despite the mysteries they present to one another.

At least they did.

And maybe that hasn't changed in spite of everything else that has.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood has been studying Vash the Stampede for years in close proximity, and even after all of this time he has not teased out every possible thread. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It is impossible to know another person in their entirety, to live behind their eyes. There is always something to learn, always something to discover, and now is no different.

It's the quiet that draws tighter attention, that deserves the fullness of focus. At this distance even soft sound is rich and encompassing, and Nicholas finds his senses are awake to it, to the little noises, the tempo and timbre of them, textured, layered, intertwined.

With taste, with scent. With pressure, questing, barely-there, unbearably gentle. With weight in cupped hands, the resistance of mass and inertia, the ease with which they move from point to point where either or both of them could simply stop if they wanted to. Moan, squeak, bounce, crush, lisping leather and fabric, it all paints an evocative undercurrent to the pitch of heartbeat.

Looming at the edge of the bed, Wolfwood takes in this change of perspective, completely unaware of the look on his own face.

Kiss-reddened lips parted to swifter breaths, eyes blown dark, flushed warmth scalding his cheeks and his ears, he is equal parts disheveled and ravenous. His interest is undeniable. Nothing can truly conceal it, for all that he is both poised and hesitant.

But then, the whole impetus was… it was…

To stop thinking. At least for a little while. Turn the brain off. Shove the doubts aside. Just move. Just be. Just do whatever it is that comes to mind. Lack of mind.

Instinct. Impulse.

Tongue curled to test the sharp tip of an eyetooth, he looks. He looks, he sees, nostrils flared, and he cannot help the husk of a chuckle as Vash—

Well, it isn't quite a whine, but then he spreads out with such an inviting posture. He reaches. Reaches out. He wants.

Want.

It hits him like a sledge to the gut, punching breath from his lungs all at once, the idea, the notion, jarred against self-worth and all the things that they have done, the things left unsaid. Best to move, to direct the sudden weakness in his knees. Just as Vash makes grabby hands, Wolfwood bridges the gap after keeping him waiting for an eternity in a couple of seconds, maybe just to prove to himself that he can.

(To dubious effect).

He bends forward, sinking down onto the mattress to rest the whole of his weight on Vash's torso, one palm swiped down to hike a leather-bound thigh up over his hip. Just a beat. Two. Muscle tenses, stacks. A flicker of eye contact. He telegraphs his intent to roll them just as he might indicate his aim to fire, although combat rarely comes with teeth to neck.

Rarely. Not never. But he leans, cranes just the same, sets his maw to skin as they settle further onto the otherwise undisturbed sleeping surface like a couple of heathens still wearing shoes.

"Close enough?" he rumbles, edging on a laugh.

Stupid. It's stupid, utterly ridiculous. But the point is to not think.

Maybe there's something to that, and he finds himself wearing a grin suited to his namesake.

"Better'n cleaning guns up here, hm?"