#experiences with diverse other people especially if they share the experience or share their own

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! Ok so at one point I remember when answering an ask you said that when making animal based characters to just stay away from making any rat ones because of negative connotations (which I totally get)

So my question is would it be ok to have a whole humanoid race that is mildly based on mice? They look like humans but their ears vaguely look mouse-ish, they have tails, and their feet are sort of like paws. I am considering two different options with the tails in case I should stay away from the mouse thing, one looks like a mouse tail (kind of the main thing making them mice themed) and the other is a similar shape but fluffy especially at the end (A little like some versions of unicorn tails I've seen)

I would like to include disabled characters so if the mouse thing still isn't recommended I'll redesign them

Hello!

Most of the time when we advise that people avoid a certain trope/concept, it isn't a complete ban on it. It's generally more of a "be careful with how you approach this" type thing.

For example, we often advise against making a disabled character that's a villain because of their disability. If your only disabled character is a villain with chronic pain that kills people because their disability stops them from their dream job, that's not great. BUT if you have this same character and you also have a wheelchair user who runs the tech stuff for the hero side (Oracle-style, for my DC folks) and a Deafblind hero who leads the charge against the villains and an autistic sidekick and an amputee henchman for the villain and several able bodied villains and so on, then its less of a problem. It might not be gold medal representation but because you're no longer equating disability with tradegy and hatred and instead showing that villain as part of a cast with diverse stories and, more importantly, as a person with their own unique experiences, it's much better.

This is all a very long way of saying that most tropes that are generally best avoided can still be okay in some contexts.

In this case, having this whole species is completely fine and it's great that you want to include disabled characters! I see nothing wrong with this.

If you had a world where the characters were all anthropomorphic animals and the only rat character was also your own disabled character, that'd be a bit of a problem because it's singling out your disabled character -- presumably to poke at their disability.

In the concept you've presented, though, being part of this species is a trait all (Or most) of your characters share. Which is fine!

As a few final notes of caution:

If you're worried about certain unintended connotations or messaging coming across, it's generally best to spread your cast out as much as possible. By this, I mean that if you have other species in this world, don't have all your disabled characters be part of this one species. Likewise, don't have every member of this species be disabled. Instead, consider having your disabled characters be from different species. For example, have an amputee character be from this species but have a blind character be from another species.

Certain specific disabilities do have individual associations to watch out for. Be careful making associations between a character with a cleft lip and hares/rabbits (Because of the derogatory term "harelip" that has been used). Likewise but to a lesser extent, be careful with associations of blind people and moles, mice, and bats. This is because of the naked mole rat, the Three Blind Mice, and "blind as a bat" respectively. There are a few of these out there.

This is less of a warning and more just something to consider but keep in mind how their animal traits can be impacted by their disability. Would a character that's paralyzed have use of their tail? Would a blind character trip over their tail or would their same "sense of self" extend to the tail like it would an arm or leg? How would a character in a wheelchair adapt their chair to their tail? Etc.

Hopefully some of this is helpful!

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[mejomonster]

I may post a bunch about authoritarian thinking later, and how to combat it, but some short important points for anyone: if you think like an authoritarian it means you tend to think in terms of black/white, tend to obey and believe people you consider your leaders and tend to view the world as your own in-group and then outgroups (which you may want dead/not care what happens to them/hate them), you struggle to think critically and empathize, and ignoring the many ways this authoritarian thinking hurts society at large and yourself - importantly, authoritarian thinking leaves you EXTREMELY vulnerable to con artists and cruel leaders because once someone gets into a leadership position in your in-group you tend to trust and obey them. Even if they hurt you, abuse you, lie to you. So a big reason to work on changing your own authoritarian thinking, is to HELP YOU PROTECT YOURSELF and IMPROVE your own safety and situation. You will be able to spot con artists and abusers easier, and protect yourself from them hurting you, if you work on changing your authoritarian thinking a bit. In addition, if you care about your in-group (the group of people you identify with) and your in-group views you as part of it (for example: you're in-group is a church and the church members value your partocipation), then you learning to think in more flexible ways will allow you to both save yourself from abusers AND convince your in-group to stop following an abusive leader and switch to a better one for the group. Win win.

Key ways you can work on your own tendencies toward authoritarian thinking: learn how to empathize with various people, learn how to think critically, and expose yourself to a variety of enviornments/viewpoints/experiences.

For empathy, easy ways to start include: get a pet and practice caring about that pet, read books and practice caring about a character, volunteer in a place outside your in-group (so if you go to church, volunteer at a school or library or theater or fair or daycare or soup kitchen) and practice appreciating the process of helping people outside the in-group. Getting a pet and reading can be some of the easiest initial things you can do. Trying to make new friends and acquaintances with people outside your in-group may also help: talking to a child, coworker, classmate, stramger at grocery store or fair, with respect (such as asking what their favorite toy or show is, why, practicing caring about what makes them happy, practicing interacting with people even when you don't immediately get some tangible thing from them), practice talking with people without arguing or starting a conflict (and if they argue first, it's okay to leave the conversation entirely, at least for a while just try practicing Not Fighting sometimes). Practice listening to people to get to know them (including people in your in-group you may not know well), and be curious about their experiences and the differences/similarity to you as all interesting and not necessarily bad or good (so if you went to public school and they went to private school, hold off on making a judgement about it and just be curious about what their experience was like). On a more surface level, if people like a different musician or actor than you, be curious about what they like and try to imagine why someone might appreciate what they do (you don't have to like that band too, but practice trying to understand why someone else likes it). Its the idea of "imagine you were in someone else's shoes," and having pets, reading about characters unlike you, and getting to know people and their unique experiences helps you practice doing that. Along with practicing holding off on judgement, especially on simple basic things to start: for example trying not to jump to black/white good bad thinking over what people in your group and outside it do... in terms of say what they eat, or the music they like, or their clothes. So if you tend to decide everyone who doesnt go to your church is evil, practice maybe viewing a person with the same religion as you but who goes to a different church as neutral and someone who maybe just never knew your church existed or was raised in a different city and so their life experience may simply have been different - but that doesnt automatically make them evil, just for being born in a different city and not knowing about your specific church existing yet.

To expose yourself to more experiences and people: again consider volunteering at an event outside of your in-group, start a new hobby and join a new discord or fandom group or in-person meet up, go to a new bar or coffee place or grocery store and have small talk, take a class in the community, go to fairs and community events, go to an event in a nearby but different community (like a fair in the next county, a concert, a play you'd like to see). Any new hobby or interest that allows you to meet new people and ask them about their experience with the hobby/interest will help, and you'll help them as you share your own experiences. Even just the act of exploring new possible interests will help you, as you will not have a judgement yet on what you like/dislike and will get to practice deciding what parts of the interest you enjoy and don't based on your experiences. So experience new things, and listen to other people's experiences while being open to letting yourself enjoy things others may dislike, and letting yourseld dislike things others may like. Practice listening to others without automatically assuming their opinion/experience is good/bad (or that there is a good/bad at all, preference for cheeze pizza versus pepperoni can just be two neutral choices which are both fine) or going to be the same for you (you may feel much differently than others and thats fine), practice trying new things where you're allowed to try multiple different ways without any way being particularly good/bad (this is to practice thinking in more varied ways: you're allowed to make 3 different cookie recipes and find each of them yummy and yet not perfect, you're allowed to dislike all 3 recipes but appreciate that your friend loves recipe 1 so you may make it for their birthday, you're allowed to fail the 3 recipes and need to try a few times, you're allowed to make them and decide you don't like making cookies after all and would rather try making a cake next). Trying sports teams may help, hobby clubs, board game tournaments, book clubs (where people have various opinions and you - like them - may have your own unique opinion all of which is fine, no opinion is mandatory or restricted).

To develop critical thinking skills: the two parts above will help somewhat with that. Just letting yourself experience new things, meet new people and hear about experiences different than your own, practicing wondering why someone likes something you may not, practicing liking something because YOU like it after experiencing it and not because someone told you to like it, will all help you figure out what you SPECIFICALLY think. And it will help you recognize that other people all think uniquely, may sometimes disagree, and that thinking differently can be okay. Those are some helpful initial steps to learn to think critically.

Critical thinking skills are important because it helps you figure out what is a fact and real, what is a person's opinion which may be right or wrong or only partly right or wrong or may be something you can't detetmine, how to check if a fact is something you can make decisions with or not explained well enough to rely on. Critical thinking is how you help yourself: if you are abused and your lover hits and punches you, and says "I love you and care about you," critical thinking will help you recognize the fact: you are being injured, help you recognize the actions your lover does of hurting you doesn't match their words that they love you, and helps you make a decision to help yourself - to leave the location where your lover is harming you over and over and go somewhere you are safer and not in danger. Critical thinking, even if you love being in an in-group and love following leadership, will allow you to notice when leaders and in-group members genuinely are helping the group, and when leaders or members are hurting the group. This can allow you to help the group and yourself by recognizing when the group has someone harming others and help you determine how to stop that harm. Even if you think very authoritarian and like that kind of structure in your life, critical thinking skills will help you and those you love.

You can start by figuring out how to make a decision on some basic thing. For example: prepare for the weather today in your city. Look up weather your-city in google, click some weather sites (to check collected data), go outside of your front door and physically feel the weather (data you collect yourself), text a friend who lives somewhere else and ask them what the weather is in your city - and ask them not to check the weather report (get an opinion), perhaps also ask your roommate what the weather is (an opinion from someone with the same ability to literally look outside the window and get their own data in person). From this experience you'll learn that data from a collected organization is probably fairly accurate but not perfect (maybe the weather site said 90% chance rain and when you went outside it was sprinkling but not pouring, and the clouds were dark), maybe your friend's opinion in another town was right or wrong (maybe they guessed and rain was a good guess for a cloudy November in your state) but they couldn't tell you how long until the weather would change, you went outside yourself and that was fairly reliable as you could literally feel the weather (but it cant help you decide if it will still be raining in 8 hours), maybe your roommate's weather judgement was better than the friend in another town but worse than your own judgement of going outside and feeling it. This is an experience to show you how useful facts are versus opinions. If you go outside and it rains on you, it is a fact that it is raining. If your friend in another city says they think the rain stopped, it's their opinion and they may be right Or wrong... you'll have to go outside to find out. The weather report site is somewhat right and can give you estimates of the next several hours of weather so that's helpful, but isn't giving you updates as specific as actually standing outside in the weather on your particular block. You can now see how facts and opinipns are useful, and when they are more or less reliable for making a decision to help yourself. (In this case to prepare to deal with the weathet outside).

Next you can practice critical thinking with less simple questions. You can try to decide "what is the best tires to get for my SUV" or "what coverup will be least likely to give me acne"? You'll look up on google these questions, and see company sites marketing their product and claiming theirs is best. You'll notice a company always says THEIR product is the best, and learn that a company may not give you facts as often as NON company sites that compare many products, or that a company will word facts in a way to imply something that isn't necessarily true. (For example: if a makeup clogs pores, it may not say it does that, it may just not use the word "non comedogenic"... but since you aren't seeing the word "non comdegenic" which means not-pore-clogging, that's a sign the makeup May actually clog pores). You will notice review sites, and reviewers with NO sponsors will tend to be more honest and share personal experience, while sponsored reviews may only mention positives. You will notice more fact based comparison sites, which will list ingredients and what each ingredient does, which will be facts to help you make a decision on which makeup is least likely to give you acne.

You may read articles on certain makeup ingredients and if they're a common allergen, which might explain why some makeup with some ingredients caused you acne before even though none of the ingredients were pore clogging. You are practicing comparing facts, and practicing deciding which sources are reliable or biased (biased sources try to convince you to buy something/believe something), what the bias is about (many articles want you to buy something even though you don't Truly need to buy everything), which reviewers gave biased opinions (if theyre sponsored they get money to convince you to buy something), which reviewers gave personal experiences (and are those experiences useful to you - did the reviewer have similar skin type and issues and allergies?). These are important skills! Learning to do this will help you spend money on things that are more likely to HELP you, to be what you want, and this skill will help you avoid scams and avoid being tricked.

Critical thinking gets much deeper than this, and applies to everything you run into in life - all news articles have biases (they want to convince you of something, there's facts AND opinions and attempts to convince you to do something), all ads are like this (every sponsored post on instagram is trying to convince you to believe and/or buy something), all influencers posts (their job is to convince you to buy products from companies paying the influencer, to get you to invest money in the influencer too - every podcaster/twitch streamer/youtuber/etc), books. All stuff you can find in the world is fact, opinion, some mixture, someone trying to convince you of something, and you using your own experiences to get your own facts (example: its raining on your face when you go outside so fact: its raining) and to decide your own opinions (opinion might be: you like feeling the rain, so you choose not to bring an umbrella, but your lover hates rain so they choose to bring an umbrella for themselves). You use all that information to decide what is fact, what is others opinion and are they trying to convince you of something, what your opinion is, and what to do that will help you.

Here's more information on developing critical thinking skills:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/bernardmarr/2022/08/05/13-easy-steps-to-improve-your-critical-thinking-skills/ (this has good basic tips for things you can do daily)

https://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/critical-thinking-where-to-begin/796 (a big website on critical thinking)

https://www.monash.edu/student-academic-success/enhance-your-thinking/critical-thinking/what-is-critical-thinking (this has good step by step instructions on how to start to think critically and practice in depth)

[astrogossipp]

moon notes. 🌕

Disclaimer. these observations do not have to resonate with everyone and everything, all expressed in this post is based on personal experience and research.

"The moon in our birth charts represent the inner us, our emotions, house, mother, deepest feelings, instincts, our basic habits and reactions, unconscious and also our comfort zone."

masterlist🧿

☾ aries moon

Aries moons are extremely protective of their romantic partners, possibly due to the difficulty they have in getting along with just anyone. When they find someone they can love, it feels like a miracle to them. Their tired eyes hold many secrets, yet they also invite others to share their own. Aries moons are deeply committed to their beliefs, prioritizing prayer if they believe in God or disregarding criticism if they're into crystals and spirituality. Being misunderstood frustrates them, especially if they have Virgo personal placements. Moon in Aries individuals often experienced a challenging and powerful childhood, shaping their view of home and family as constant challenges. They need to feel comfortable with their partner before starting a family to avoid repeating the same attitude they received from their parents or relatives. Aries moons live in the present, are passionate, and tend to be impatient. They take criticism to heart and become defensive. They crave excitement and can get bored in peaceful environments. Their needs, desires, and crushes are short-lived and sometimes vague.

☾ taurus moon

Individuals with Taurus moons display distinct traits influenced by their emotional development. Those with undeveloped Taurus moons may struggle with giving and receiving affection until adulthood. Conversely, a developed Taurus moon suggests a nurturing childhood marked by stability and material comfort. Taurus moon individuals exude groundedness and stability, attracting attention and commanding respect effortlessly. They uphold high standards, seeking the good in everyone while grappling with occasional indulgence. Despite their serious initial impression, they are actually fun-loving and seek positive energy. Partners may find them challenging to understand due to mood swings, yet they offer deep emotional healing and encourage appreciation for the ordinary. Taurus moons prioritize building secure and cozy environments, cherishing routines and loyalty. Affectionate and sentimental, they value reliability and comfort above all, making them steadfast companions with strong emotional needs.

☾ gemini moon

Gemini moons possess a natural charm and wit, fostering pleasant company with their curiosity about life. Yet, within their comfort zones, a sense of nervousness and restlessness often accompanies them. These individuals thrive on constant mental stimulation, becoming moody when deprived of it. Childhood experiences shape their communication skills, sometimes marked by instances of feeling mocked or uncomfortable, particularly by siblings. In adulthood, they seek partners who value open dialogue and opinion sharing, craving discussions on diverse topics. While they appear approachable, earning their trust to reveal their fun side can be challenging. Gemini moons enjoy sharing their interests, often trying to influence others' preferences. In matters of love, they can be shy yet straightforward and may send risky texts. Despite attracting attention effortlessly, they remain indifferent to others' desires to emulate them, focusing instead on genuine connections and mental engagement.

☾ cancer moon

People with a Cancer moon are very empathetic and in tune with the emotions of others. They are peaceful and seek familiarity, but can become moody. They hold onto old memories and have a forgiving nature, especially with loved ones. Drama is avoided, and they are focused on justice and fairness. Cancer moons are ambitious and career-oriented, valuing hard work. They desire to build a happy family environment, but can be hindered by their tendency to feel deeply and get hurt easily. Letting go is important for finding love and affection. When drunk, they may have the urge to fight or dance with strangers. Sharing is caring, and balance is sought in all aspects of life.

☾ leo moon

Individuals with Leo moons seek attention and love within their inner circle, exhibiting both a craving for admiration and generosity towards loved ones. Creativity and a sense of justice define this placement, alongside a remarkable capacity for forgiveness, even towards those who have wronged them. They may have experienced embarrassment due to past forgiveness, learning the lesson of discernment. Leo moons prioritize self-love affirmations and enjoy disproving others' opinions. Trust issues develop early, leading to a reluctance to share personal secrets. They are non-competitive except in defense of friends, showing jealousy in childhood friendships. Quick to forgive, they use sympathy to mend relationships, disliking prolonged conflicts. While disliking long conversations, they engage enthusiastically in mysterious topics and detective documentaries, demonstrating a thirst for knowledge. Despite a dislike for subjects like math, they persist in pursuing success, reflecting their determined nature.

☾ virgo moon

Virgo moons are known for getting attached to people very quickly. They admire those who work hard for their dreams and love to party. They seek soul ties with people who match their personality and are drawn to confident individuals who appreciate beauty in everyone. Cooking for loved ones is how they show their love, as they likely paid attention to their mom or grandma while cooking as a child. Virgo moons are ambitious and goal-oriented from a young age, but tend to care less about school as they get older. Despite this, they are kind and make even disagreeable statements sound agreeable. Virgo moons are sensitive and experience emotions mentally, which can lead to moodiness. They have a tendency to focus on details and can struggle to see the bigger picture due to early conditioning. It is important for them to be light-hearted with judgments towards family and future family. They find contentment in the little things and prefer simplicity. Virgo moons need to feel useful and thrive on routine, or else they become self-critical. They are trustworthy and reliable.

☾ libra moon

Libra moons are known for their desire for peace and harmony. They are social and sympathetic individuals who like to have the last word in arguments. Although they strive for the best, this focus can sometimes prevent them from enjoying the moment. They are fond of giving compliments and expect the same in return, but their egos are fragile and can be easily crushed. Libra moons are often taken advantage of due to their people-pleasing nature. They are also known for their strong attachment to their mothers. Libra moons may have been obsessed with their appearance during their teenage years, but as they age, they prioritize personality over looks when choosing a partner. However, one negative trait they possess is complaining even when they chose to help someone. Libra moons are indecisive about trivial things but are confident in important situations. If you are a Libra moon, it is important to work on being honest. Overall, talking to a Libra moon can feel like talking to yourself, but with agreement on every point.

☾ scorpio moon

Scorpio moons are the sweetest people. They are attentive, caring and very focused on making sure others feel good. They can get anxious but it's cute. They respect the privacy of others because they want their privacy respected too. Scorpio moons are great at comforting people, even if they feel awkward about physical comfort. They may have family issues and they love alone time. They love watching horror movies and learning from them. Scorpio moons are clever, perceptive and seek intense emotions and experiences. They value strong relationships and commitment. They live by the motto "all or nothing".

☾ sagittarius moon

Individuals with a Sagittarius moon placement exhibit traits of optimism, cheerfulness, and a love for freedom. They dislike routine and prefer spontaneity, which can lead to conflicts with more structured individuals. Despite their impulsiveness, they are trustworthy and forgiving, often giving second chances to those who betray them to avoid confrontation. They possess a genuine interest in other cultures and exhibit respect towards all races without discrimination. While they may avoid seeking advice from others, they are likely to turn to their mothers for guidance. Sagittarius moons thrive in social settings, preferring nature and the company of many friends over isolation. They are attentive listeners, willing to invest time and effort in understanding others, even when tired. Additionally, they have a diverse taste in music, gradually exploring various genres as they mature. Overall, Sagittarius moons embody positivity, openness, and a deep appreciation for diversity and connection.

☾ capricorn moon

Honestly, Capricorn moons have a hard time understanding their emotions and because of this people usually end up thinking that they are detached or emotionally unavailable. I hope they know that it's okay to admit how you truly feel and if they ever try to communicate with anyone please listen to them cuz they are trying hard. They always seem to need advice in relationships, even for small issues. They romanticize a perfect relationship and search for advice to make it a reality. They tend to force themselves to feel numb about the things that hurt them the most. All this happens because they are unable to understand their emotions and it takes them time to do so. They don't like ranting, but when they do, they pour their hearts out then act like they didn't. They're sensitive individuals who want to be understood, despite some people talking harshly about their detached emotions. Capricorn moons usually have a problematic relationship with their parents and may have experienced abuse growing up. They're reliable and levelheaded people who are well-organized and realistic. Tradition, authority, and security are highly regarded, and they are no risk-takers.

☾ aquarius moon

Aquarius moons are known for their observant nature and love analyzing other people's actions. They tend to feel like they don't fit in with their peers and value independence and individuality. These rebellious individuals don't take criticism well and take pride in their thoughts. Aquarius moons have a lot on their mind and are often thought of as stoners because they find themselves lost in thought often. They may make sex their love language because they want to please others and themselves. These people tend to enjoy aggressive music and may judge others for not liking the same artists as them. Aquarius moons have a great sense of humor and are always interesting to talk to. They tend to get lost in their thoughts and may zone out while telling their life story. Overall, these people are never boring and always leave an impression.

☾ pisces moon

Honestly, I could go on for pages about Pisces moons. They're the family member who knows everything and wants to come off as lovely to strangers. They avoid confrontation and might disagree with something just to be left alone. Pisces moons want to feel spoiled and financially stable. They either think about money, sex, or how depressed they are. They're also prone to falling for fictional characters or celebrities. If a Pisces moon is dating a Virgo sun, it feels like paradise, but they might not admit it. Pisces moons are hardworking to the point of forgetting to eat and might have trouble with spicy food. They romanticize toxicity and have remarkable intuition. They can get lost in the suffering of others and are known for their odd sense of humor.

this post was created by @astrogossipp on tumblr <3 if reposting my work please give credits.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

It's time y'all.

Let's talk about HOBIE & RACE

- It is not problematic to say that Hobie would display black solidarity by finding black women in specific attractive.

- It is not problematic to say that Hobie would possibly like a partner who could understand his experiences with racism.

- It is not problematic to say he would possibly like a partner who understands how to take care of his hair, or shares the same hair texture.

- It is not problematic to say that Hobie would find beauty in features specific to the black race - when we have been told those features are undesirable in every way for centuries.

We gotta talk about how Colorblindness is forced on Black Characters - Hobie in Specific

Y'all - it's time we have a VERY VERY overdue conversation about Hobie Brown and Race.

Because it is a necessary one.

Hobie Brown, The Black!Reader, & Representation -

aka Black people are not Colorblind - and neither is Hobie Brown -

[let Diane hop on the mic right quick Chile]

Stop acting like Black Fictional Characters would be colorblind.

Black people can't be colorblind, because our color is weaponized against us from birth. We HAVE to see race - because we have to protect ourselves and know our own history

So when we decide to make spaces specifically for us - spaces where black people and black women in specific can be desired and uplifted, I don't see why people have a problem with it.

Hobie Brown loves, yes. But he also lives in 1978. Racial segregation was outlawed in his country in 1965.

Hobie Brown loves, but he's also a black guy who grew up under racial segregation and racism. He's a black guy who fights cops.

The Writers made Spiderpunk - The Spiderperson who fights oppressive cops - black for a REASON.

The Writers chose to have a black guy save Miles for a REASON. To uplift black people.

Writers here on Tumblr made Black!Readers black for same reason.

If Black Lives Matter doesn't mean White Lives Don't Matter -

Then 'Hobie Brown finds black chicks especially attractive' DOESN'T mean 'white women are unattractive'. This isn't about y'all.

And even for the people that say Hobie would like ONLY black people - okay??? They can say that - it's a literal headcanon.

It's not true if you don't want it to be. You don't have to believe it.

But seeing Black people be protective of a black character, and making black content for other black fans - and then saying 'what - stop that. that's wrong. break this up so I can join'

BEFORE you question why they do it - NOT COOL.

That's like asking for more Captain America in Black Panther. Like ?????

That's like hearing a Riot Grrrl say 'All the women to the front!!' and going 'Uhh, all genders are equal, why can't the men stand in the front too?'

Like yes, all genders are equal. But also - This isn't about them. It's about representation.

Stop preaching equality when we're asking for representation.

Cause there are dozens, hundreds, of white characters who only have white on-screen romances.

And their fandoms do not write black!readers. They do not care enough to say 'oh the show isn't representing this, let us do it.'

The media nor the fandom represent black women. They are an afterthought, always.

And you never see posts for them like -

'Dean Winchester loves black women. Dean Winchester loves latinas -'

When it's a white character only dating white women, with xReaders that always imply whiteness, y'all never call for diversity. At all.

You wouldn't make this post for Miguel.

But when it's a black character and someone suggests they only date black women, or people begin to write xReaders that imply blackness instead of your default-

Suddenly you care about diversity.

Because the first time, you're not represented.

Because let's be honest. Let's be real. No one is writing Hobie x White!Reader. Barely anyone is writing Hobie x Latina!Reader.

It's the Black!Reader you have a problem with. Let's just say it.

Allow black people to have their space, without unfairly calling for 'diversity'.

(aka the right to access to black safe spaces, comfort characters, and labor)

Hobie is an attractive, educated black guy who fights and protects people from the aggressors we ourselves genuinely fear everyday.

He is a character like we've never had before. He has so much emotional weight to us.

Let us enjoy him as we please. We aren't hurting anyone else.

We're just not catering to you. We don't have to.

If a black person wants to center Hobie's love on Black people, they have the right.

And I'm not saying you can't write him with a race neutral or even a White!Reader. Go ahead and write that if you want but just know-

1) If you want to write him with an explicitly white or non-black reader - you should approach the topic of race. You should approach and mention the cultural differences. Him going through racism. Don't erase that because you think it makes your writing ugly or sad.

And if you don't put it in, your erasing the reality and black experience because you find something wrong or uncomfortable about it.

2) If you want to write a race neutral reader - make sure they're really race neutral. Don't include details about hair texture, hairstyle, or skin color.

3) If you are asking black writers for requests - do not get mad if they make the request Black.

You cannot get mad at a black writer for interjecting their own experience when writing about a black character. You're basically asking them to strip their blackness from their writing so you can enjoy it more.

Why should they have to second guess and dial back their blackness when we're expected to do that everywhere? If they want to take a break, and write Black!Readers they can.

3) Understand that the black people are going to keep their safe spaces. And they're going to keep Hobie in their corner.

Because honestly, and I'm going to put this brazenly:

Hobie Brown as a character - and what he represents - means more to black fans than it does nonblack fans.

Does that mean he doesn't matter to y'all? No, not at all. Hobie absolutely holds real emotional weight and meaning to you on multiple levels.

But please understand, for black people - we connect to Hobie on an emotional, often trauma-fueled front.

One that you'll never understand.

There is a level that we connect with him on that nonblack people can't. As a dark skinned black guy, a black guy with natural hair, an alt black guy,

As a black guy who has canonically faced police brutality on-screen

To you, this screenshot is most likely Hobie flipping the camera off, edgy and punk. It's funny, tongue in check. ACAB and all that.

To us, this screenshot is of Hobie - a low income black guy - being physically restrained by police and refusing to stop even when they're taking his mugshot. It's a black guy openly flipping off the police and fighting them off and refusing to go down no matter how much they beat him and he's winning YES

After so many videos over SO many years of cops doing that to black men and them.. not winning.

And them just dying and us having to watch. And add another name to list.

When you see his laces, you most likely think ACAB.

When we see his laces, we see that he's a black man who took on a cop and lived to tell the tale. Which is a RARITY.

Because many of them lose the battle.

For us, the context and connection are completely different.

Fanfiction may just be a way for you to kiss up on random characters or comfort yourself, but for us - that's not the case.

For us, fanfiction is a way to show our experiences and features in a media and world that has collectively ignored them. Shunned them, called them ugly.

Maybe make a post or send an ask to a creator - and ask what Black!Readers mean for them, why they find it important.

Hobie Brown likes Black Girls.

He finds them beautiful. He likes wide lips and broad noses and kinky hair. He loves melanin, and brown skin in the sunlight, and seeing a them in a silk bonnet in the morning.

He loves not having to explain his culture, sharing coconut oil and shea butter. He likes seeing waist beads. He likes people who speak AAVE, with twang in their talk.

He likes ghetto black girls with the acrylic nails. He likes Stallions 6 foot tall. He likes masc girls. And fem ones. He loves black nonbinary people because we do not have to cosign to colonialist ideas of gender. And he loves him some black men too - a good fade will make him go crazy, he loves men with long locs and pretty smiles.

Hobie Brown finds the beauty in Black People that have been erased and demonized again and again by White Society.

Hobie Brown holds blackness dear. And he wants black people to do well.

Hobie Brown loves Black People. Hobie Brown loves Black Girls.

And that's on, what?

This has been a PSA from Diane Pastors. Y'all stay blessed out there 😌💗

Anyway what y'all wearing to carnival since we going to carnival and cropover and labor day with Hobie and bringing out all the flags. 🇧🇧🇧🇧 I'm bringing him to cropover in Barbados yeah I said it we're all going to carnival with him.

[shepfax]

as things start gearing up for Autism Acceptance Month I am going to make an effort to share stuff from nonverbal, high support needs, and other words for "severely" autistic people (especially from marginalized groups like autistic people of color) and I think others should too. I chose to do this because I am very deeply opposed to the way low support people have gone about destigmatizing autism.

me, I am the epitome of the white "geeky" autistic that I read about in books from specialists and historians: I had no speech delay, I'm capable of many self-maintenance tasks like hygiene and food, but I still am not independent and I struggle greatly with social situations, show repetitive behavior, and have sensory integration problems.

by making it seem like autism is just a label for quirky people that get really into tv shows, prefer small silverware, and fidget sometimes, you've come all the way back around to encouraging ignorance. you've started to push people with more disabling autistic traits into the background of your activism or even tried to pretend your activism doesn't apply to them.

obviously it's important to acknowledge and share the ways that autistic people who can speak and maintain independence still struggle immensely in a neurotypical world, because that is something the vast majority of people still don't understand. but we need to do better at emphasizing the ways people's autism affects their lives, and advocating for the rights of people with different needs than our own.

this might seem harsh to say but it really seems like some of you are ashamed to be associated with people from different parts of the autism spectrum than you. why claim the label then?

when you see someone talk about an experience you didn't have, always make an effort to learn something from it.

come together with people from all points on the autism spectrum. make friends with them and listen to their voice, whether it's spoken or not.

it is called neurodiversity for a reason. our brains are extremely diverse, and that's why it's important to make sure you are not your only source.

if you look at one person on the spectrum, even if that person is you, that is one autistic person, and you can't make claims about autism based on that person alone.

[a-little-revolution]

heya, this might be too much for a single post, but i would delight in a ramble about the overlap between dwarfism and disability (whether or not you/the community as a whole generally consider it a capital-D Disability or if theres more nuance like with the autism or HOH/Deaf communities where it just Is and folks feel the the struggles with outgroup folks are like, culture clashes, or perhaps a secret third thing?)

similarly, id love for a ramble on the overlap between dwarfism and queerness, especially The Genders. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome and theres a huge number of us who are trans or nonbinary, to the point where masculinizing hrt is (anecdotally) understood to be a bit of a treatment for some symptoms. i know theres a lot of overlap between queerness and disability as a whole, but so far the couple of artists with dwarfism ive found and followed are all some flavor of trans or nonbinary, so id love to know if thats as common of a thing in your community as it is in mine

dwarfism is for sure underrepresented in discussion about both disability and queerness, and as a disabled queer person they are so intertwined in my head, and im forever curious about other folks experiences so your thoughts are appreciated!

Hello!! I love these questions!!

Firstly, yes, I do identify as being both a little person and disabled, but that isn't the case for everyone with dwarfism. Though dwarfism falls under the classification of a physical disability, not all little people find it physically debilitating. For me, my Achondroplasia dwarfism has resulted in sleep apnea, arthritis, chronic pain, hearing loss, limited mobility and dexterity. I cannot walk long distances and I use multiple moblility aids (wheelchair for long distance, rollator most of the time, and cane for short distances or around the house). My disability is dynamic, meaning that my ability changes day to day depending on pain levels, spoons (unit of measure for disabled energy), and activity.

Being that I am both a little person AND noticeably disabled, I have experienced ableism within both the abled community and the LP community, which is something I don't often talk about. I've been in situations where I feel alienated from my own community - additionally for my queerness. When you exist at the intersection of as many things as I do, you experience many flavours of ignorance and discrimination from the very people who should accept you.

That being said, I have also had the privilege of meeting other little people who are trans, queer, and nonbinary like I am. Our community is incredibly diverse, but spread along the globe. It is easy to feel a profound isolation, but the internet has provided me with a means of connection which I greatly appreciate.

Disability and queerness is something I discuss in depth in my public speaking roles, as I deeply value intersectionality in education and activism (I hope to share some of my talks as I record them in the future!).

I am forever painful aware that ableism is alive and will within the queer community - even when "all are welcome", we are still an after thought. I really urge my fellow queers to think beyond our own community to bipoc and disabled folks, otherwise you're really just dipping your toes into radicalism. Read more books by black disabled trans women of colour, and expand your thinking. (Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol)

I can't really speak to hate from the other direction, as all of the disabled folks I know on a personal level are also queer. Though I will say that I certainly receive queer-phobia from older (white) disabled folks - in my experience, when white folks become disabled with age and have not faced any other injustice in their life, they can be very hateful.

This has been quite a post, so I hope I've answered your questions in full! I would be happy to discuss it more if not/answer other related questions! Thank you so much!

Elliot (they/them)

[fourswordsannotated]

akira himekawa are unbelievably cool.

soooo here's the thing. i was looking at akira himekawa's website on a whim and found a public blog, with posts that go all the way back to 2009. many hours of google translating later, and i've developed an even stronger admiration of these two women and their exceptional career as manga artists. they share so much in these posts about the creative process, their thoughts on social justice, their connections with nature, and their most major original story, gliding reki, which seems to have always been a passion project in the midst of commercial work.

from what i could gather, reki is unique in that they were determined to do it in full color. and they did it, because after reading about their career, it's clear to me that when these women set their mind to an idea, they make it happen. see also: they just recently produced and distributed their own art book, because no publishers were offering to do it in a way that pleased them.

their stated goals for reki were to make something more adult than their previous children's manga, taking place in a city, involving a lot of mechanical art, and featuring stronger romantic and self-described erotic subtext. good for them. before i get into the four swords-related stuff, i'm sharing what i could find on the internet about reki.

more under the cut, because there's quite a bit to discuss :)

not much that i could find on the blog specifically references four swords, but they have many fascinating insights about nintendo, the zelda fandom, and the franchise as a whole. i can't know for certain because this information was surmised from translated text, but it seems as if their manga with chibi link made them feel a little stifled, which is why they took a long break before returning to do twilight princess. it's not lost on me that even a work like four swords, which they may regard as not their favorite or best, still has inspired and brought together so many passionate, creative, and diverse people. this is especially sweet because it seems as if they met each other, and formed their creative partnership, because of a shared fandom interest of their own.

honda and nagano have shared their thoughts and feelings on this blog for more than a decade, and they have a lot of thoughts and feelings. throughout their entire career they've made commentary on work-life balance, their experiences as women in a male-dominated field, and their desire to create original art while simultaneously enjoying some commercial work as well. they are passionate about social justice, particularly re: women and indigenous people, and offer insights on aspects of culture and history and the state of the world that really could resonate with anyone. and they really seem to appreciate fans of their work, and emphasize repeatedly the care and thought they put into their manga in the hopes it will inspire and bring catharsis to readers. they love animals (especially wolves), being outside in nature, being nerds about art they enjoy, a certain subgenre of romantic manga that appealed to and empowered female readers in the 90's and 2000's, and traveling around the world to partake in activities like horse riding and falconry.

the coolest part is, they're still updating the blog to this day :) in fact they seem to have recently returned to it, reflecting that twitter is not their preferred manner of sharing things online. they seem very familiar with and fond of older-school blogging culture.

there's a lot more i could say here about my findings, some of which do pertain to... certain ships 💜🖤 . but i don't want my genuine appreciation for these authors to be overshadowed by that kind of conversation. in addition to a link to the blog itself, i'm including a few translated posts of interests, which you can interpret and incorporate into your perception of the media however you please. at the end of the day, it's a really cool gift that these artists have chosen to share so much over such a long period of time. by making their personalities, beliefs, and insights more visible to fans of their work, i hope it brings new context to the stories we already love.

a modern-day insight:

re: the zelda mangas. these are from several points throughout their career. please note that they have so many fond things to say about zelda as a franchise and their work on the mangas, especially regarding the way they've affected fans. i encourage you to look for yourself, on their blog and their other socials!

re: gliding reki

re: the creative process (and in the latter two, the fandom that seems to have inspired them!)

re: their two goofyass adorable tiny dogs that they dress up in outfits while also loving wolves like a lot, they love wolves (both domesticated and wild), they really love wolves

re: wolf day (every day is wolf day,)

re: indigenous rights

re: painting serious works on commission vs their manga. i can't know for sure exactly what it means, but it really does kinda hit

re: a fan and manga artist in training bringing them art and a note

and a moment from a twilight princess manga interview i found very sweet :)

okay. you've made it to the end. i know you're wondering. here you go. please remember that this is and always has been a public blog, and these posts are actually from 2009 and 2010. also please remember that the point of this post is not to cause or fuel fandom discourse, but to appreciate these authors and the things that they choose to express.

(also, this is the column they were referring to in image 1. it's FASCINATING. give it a read if you'd like!)

the dots are there. you're welcome to connect them.

thank you for your beautiful work and insights, honda and nagano. please never change.

[wheelie-sick]

What sort of things can perisex trans folk do to uplift intersex voices? (Genuine question)

on the surface level you need to be following intersex activists and listening to as well as sharing what they say.

from there you should start to look into literature by and about intersex people and intersex experiences. you need to have a solid understanding of intersex experiences and lives to understand our community. our community is incredibly diverse, no two intersex people are the same, getting a taste of what different intersex people have experienced gives you a glimpse of our world. this also goes to support intersex creators and authors who are often sharing very vulnerable stories (make sure you actually pay when you can! leave a tip/purchase the book)

when reading about intersex experiences remember to be careful about which sources you use for education. many intersex writings are not there to educate perisex people. it's disrespectful to use these pieces of writing as educational resources

after reading something be sure to share it with the people around you and on your blog. it's so hard for intersex people's writings to get out there because we are so erased from every community.

from there you need to start deconstructing your internal sex binary. this is especially important as a trans person because the sex binary and gender are incredibly intertwined. even if you have a solid understanding that gender is not binary, even if you have deconstructed the gender binary entirely, I guarantee you the sex binary is still lurking in the shadows. the trans community looks at sex in an incredibly binary way to the point that "sex is binary, gender is not" is a common phrase. when the trans community talks about sex or gender ask yourself where intersex people fit in. start to actively consider how intersex people are being excluded and how intersex people fit into the equation-- this goes for both cis intersex people, cistrans intersex people, trans intersex people, and all other intersex people.

in the process you should also be deconstructing other intersexist views of the world. even if you logically understand these are untrue or harmful they are likely still playing a role in how you act and perceive intersex people because they are ingrained in you by society. some examples of concepts to deconstruct:

the medicalization of intersex people (e.g seeing us as disordered)

the strictly defined boundaries of intersex existence (e.g seeing intersex as a term only for people with ambiguous genitalia)

the aversion to discussing intersex bodies because they often involve gonads, genitals, and reproductive organs

etc.

getting on the same page as intersex people is vital to being an ally.

to be a true ally you need to do more than just sharing our writings and reading our books. those are great starting points but helping us goes deeper than that. as a perisex person you have privilege over intersex people. intersex people are denied the understanding that we are experts on our own experiences. perisex people defer to other perisex people when talking about intersex people, they see us as fallible while they view perisex people as impartial.

as a perisex person you need to not just uplift our voices but also use your own to support us.

get involved in our movements and speak out alongside us. call out intersexism when you see it, join us in fighting IGM, nonconsensual HRT, the medicalization of intersex existence, and so on. you voice has a lot of power so you should be using it to speak alongside us. always remember that we can speak for ourselves, but voices in support of us are always welcome. echo what we say and give credit to activists for their efforts and ideas.

with that said, some conversations are not for you. no matter how involved in intersex activism you are some conversations don't need your opinion or voice. when an intracommunity discussion is happening keep quiet.

thank you for this question, sorry it took a minute to get to it 💕 other intersex people are welcome to add on

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Could you talk about the designs Viv makes? I don't see many posts talking about this and I wanted some design tips, I intend to post my own cartoon designs (I just don't know when) and I wanted some tips <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

Hey hey!! Id love to talk about designs!

I actually answered this entire question and then uh…. Tumblr deleted my draft so let me try to redo all this lmao

Vivzie has a problem with bodytypes I’ve noticed. Almost all of her cast is insanely skinny and the only two “plus-size” characters I can think of are Millie and Mimzy. Meanwhile, Angel Dust, Vox, Stolas, & Alastor are a few very skinny characters I can think of off the top of my head.

For the best example, I’m going to be using Vox for now. Here is my Vox design next to his canon appearance

They don’t look too different right? This is still easily identifiable as Vox because his main characteristics are there; stupid little hat, tv head, thats about it.

My design also keeps elements of his suit with the stripes and shoulder pads, though in my design his body is a bit wider and his shoulders + waist make him look more commanding and intimidating while still maintaining a sense of professionalism. As for his canon design, he definitely looks sketchy, but he doesn’t really give me that commanding sense of popularity or authority that I feel an overlord should have, especially one with such a wide range of influence as Vox. His canon design looks top heavy and a little pathetic in that “he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone” way. Don’t get me wrong, a small waist can do wonders for a design, but when your designs start to look like… this

I think you might have a problem.

Now, I know I am nowhere near the best character designer in the world, but I have designed my fair share and I think I have enough experience to flatter myself a little.

This is a very simple design choice to make. Body types are probably some of the most intricate and interesting parts of a person in my opinion, and with a lineup like this where everyone looks more or lest the same from the torso down, it’s kind of a dead and sad looking cast, and not in the intended way.

I’m aware my designs are very detailed and wouldn’t be easy to animate with my style, but it’s very easy to draw extra body types with a style fit for TV.

Gravity Falls is a great example of stylised bodies and also using them to build personality. By looking at these characters you can generally tell what their base personality is probably like right? You can do the same thing to an extent with the Hazbin Cast, but all of their designs get muddled into the other. Can you even tell where half of these people are positioned in this screenshot

It’s so pink and red im going to start seeing green when I look away. There are so many colours, use them!!!! You can still slap a red overlay over it and make it “look like hell” or whatever, but you’re still gonna have more variety.

Here’s my body/fur references for Angel and Husk. They are almost entirely opposite to eachother but you can probably get an idea for how they are based on colour and shape. I recommend studying other TV shows and things like anime or movies to see how body types and colours impact character design, but general things I always think of are, like I’ve said, body type, personality, colour, and silhouette. Silhouette is a bit harder to pin since a character can have a very recognizable silhouette and still not be a good design, but honestly to me as long as you can tell which character is which from silhouette you’re good to go on that front.

- Generally just don’t reuse the same colour palette over and over (heres some of my hazbin colours)

- Give diversity in shapes when you can and when it benefits the design

- Try to show their personality through their clothes and pose

- Don’t be afraid to add little physical or personality details that other people might not notice, a good design should keep you interested in tiny details like that or surprise you later on

- Pay attention to what would and wouldn’t make sense (ex. A character that doesn’t like modern fashion wearing modern fashion)

Im not the best at explaining all of this but I hope you could grasp even just a tiny bit of an idea from this! At the end of the day as long as you’re having fun and not actively harming people with the designs then you should be good to go

[itgetsbetterproject]

Back-to-school tips for LGBTQ+ youth from a QUEER TEACHER!

It's that season, y'all! 🍎✏️ So we asked queer 8th grade English teacher Sarah from Memphis, TN what tips she would share with LGBTQ+ youth going back to school:

Look for supportive adults.

Is there a teacher always sporting a pride pin? Are there safe space posters hung up in their classroom or pride flags displayed? These are strong indicators that adult will affirm and uplift your identity. If you are unsure but want to test the waters, ask an adult what their pronouns are. Judging by their response and if they return the question, something small like this can help you determine if they are a safe person. 

Find a queer-affirming club(s) at your school. 

Does your school have a GSA or diversity club? Consider joining to build a supportive community and form connections with people you can relate to. If your school does not have a pre-existing club, consider finding an adult advisor to help and start your own GSA. Find more tips on how to do so here: https://gsanetwork.org/resources/10-steps-for-starting-a-gsa/

Trust your gut.

If you don’t feel safe in a situation, trust your instincts. If possible, remove yourself from the environment and ask for help; know that it’s ok to not share your identity with everyone, especially if you feel they are not a safe person. Conversely, if someone does make you feel safe and loved, believe that feeling too. You are in charge of who gets to know you.

Check out YA books exploring queer identities.

An amazing way to learn more about queer experiences is to read about them. There are countless young adult novels and graphic novels that can help you better understand yourself and others. Titles like The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes, Taproot by Keezy Young, Out of Character by Jenna Miller, and Mooncakes by Wendy Xu and Suzanne Walker are all great stories to explore. For a more comprehensive list of LGBTQ+ YA books, visit https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/15/books/review/lgbtq-ya-books-authors.html

Seek social support.

What would life be like without friends? Although you may not click with everyone at your school, you are not alone. LGBTQ+ people are everywhere, even if it’s hard to see sometimes. Find friends who support your identity or are a part of the community as well! 

Remember! You have every right to be exactly who you are.

You are the only person who can define your identity. The terms you use to refer to yourself can evolve over time, or can remain the same, but as long as it feels right to you that’s perfect. Believe yourself, and do not doubt your worth. Growing up is a difficult process but remember, it gets better. 

Read it on the blog itgetsbetter.org too!

[that-ari-blogger]

Content. Warning. (Poison)

Hazbin Hotel has a predicament that I haven’t really come across anywhere else. The episode that I would use to recommend this series is also the episode that I would use to recommend people away.

I would recommend another tale for the characters and the storyline and how the writers weaved in a dissection of subject matter more nuanced than I expected. But Hazbin Hotel is, in my opinion, at its best when it deals with that material front and centre.

There’s a reason I have titled this post what I have. Episode four of this series isn’t shy about what it’s talking about. But there’s an interesting difference between the idea of something being subtle and something being nuanced, and there’s also another weird thing about this episode and especially the first song contained therein.

Masquerade feels like it is written by a comedian, and I mean that in the most straight faced, complimentary way possible.

Let me explain.

CONTENT WARNING: (Mention of Abuse, Mental Health, Sexual Assault, Addiction, Bodily Harm)

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Hazbin Hotel, Six)

I am an absolutely awful judge of the cultural zeitgeist, but I have observed that the music I like rarely gets described as “pop”. Partially, this is because I see a bunch of people liking a specific thing and I walk in the opposite direction, but partially this is because my musical taste isn’t limited to any specific genre.

My main musical tastes are centred around the emotionality of the song, rather than the musical distinctions. I will look at Harry Styles’ Watermelon Sugar and think it’s nice to listen to, but I will gravitate towards Olivia Rodrigo’s Vampire because of the emotional journey that song takes me on. The former of those two makes you want to dance; the latter makes you want to shout your rage at the sky.

Naturally, this leads me to ballads, songs that tell a story. The Crane Wives are particularly good at these, Curses is the archetypical example of a tale of personal guilt. But, for the sake of a constant thematic, let’s talk about Bitter Medicine for a moment.

“I bite my tongue to keep the worst of the words in So they don’t hurt nobody but me Swallow the poison I wanna spit Bitter medicine I think it’s making me sick Don’t look up to me I’m not as tall as you think You see, I talk a big game But it’s bullshit”

Bitter medicine is about bad coping mechanisms, kind of. The Crane Wives excels at exploring powerful emotions but leaves the scenarios open to interpretation. It’s not how you got here that matters, but where “here” is.

This is why the same few of their songs have gained popularity in Asexual spaces as well as in spaces for those recovering from their own actions. Reformed abusers and aces don’t tend to share much, except for a feeling of guilt.

It’s an unfortunate part of the ace experience that the realising of who you are feels like a betrayal. It feels like you have strung someone along with promises you can’t keep. I’ve been there, and it feels awful.

I do want to stress that this isn’t betrayal in reality. Being ace does not make you a bad person, you haven’t actually strung someone along. You are valid, end of argument.

The issue is that the mind isn’t always a rational thing. Sometimes it internalises things in an unhealthy way. Odds are the partner who you think you betrayed wouldn’t agree with you on that. People that like you have a habit of supporting you.

Essentially, part of being ace is that self-imposed guilt. Not every ace goes through it, but for those who do, that feeling is difficult to overcome.

But that idea of being the reason a relationship fallen apart has a lot of other applicable situations, hence the diversity of popularity.

Bitter Medicine isn’t about that, its about guilt for feeling bad. Its about the type of trauma response that is selfishness masquerading as selflessness.

The emotion on display is pain, with a song about bottling up everything until it explodes. You can’t be angry, you can’t be sad, you can’t let people help you because "there’s nothing wrong". You just have to keep things tight to your chest and let other people suffer. This is a song about becoming distant from those who can see you hurting and can’t do anything to help you.

It's about how bad coping mechanisms act as a poison that can’t be escaped, almost like an addiction.

The music video centres around the idea of others getting caught up in the crossfire of internal emotions. It’s monochromatic so you can see the stains left behind even more starkly, and those stains get everywhere. The protagonist has to be rescued by these others, but she has to let them.

You will notice that ballads don’t usually tell you the events of their stories. Everything is a metaphor; everything is a symbol. Sometimes a song will tell you outright what’s going on. That’s a strength of the medium, not a plot hole.

Which leads me to a song called Poison, a ballad that is entirely centred around the metaphor of its title.

Poison was written by Alice Cooper (with help from Desmond Child and John McCurry) and released in 1989 as a single, and it is surreal.

It’s about Cooper’s alcohol and drug addictions, which is weird considering the lyrics are ostensibly about someone he’s in a relationship with, and that’s the point.

The song depicts Cooper’s addiction as an abusive relationship, dedicating the song to that part. It’s singing to “you”, as if he’s in conversation with it, telling it to its face all the damage that he has taken.

This is personification, ascribing a will to an inanimate object, although its more than that. In this case, it’s ascribing an attraction to the object, a seductiveness. He blames himself for falling for a trap and frames the song as his own realisation of his agency. He got himself into this situation, he recognises what the problem is, he decides where to go from here.

I want to highlight that the central metaphor is used differently in both songs mentioned above. That’s part of the fun of literary analysis. Everything works together to provide context for everything else.

Poison is a song about alcoholism, so it uses the titular concept to focus on the realisation and consequences. Bitter Medicine focuses on how the poison masquerades as a cure to emphasise its point about bad coping mechanisms being traps. Hazbin Hotel’s Poison is the opposite of all these things.

The song in Hazbin Hotel is about an abusive relationship, and it uses the poison to step in for the addictiveness of that. It’s a reverse of Alice Cooper’s song, comparing a person to a drug rather than the other way around.

It is also gloriously unsubtle in a way that is really difficult to explain, so I’m going to have to use another, wildly different example.

I recently read a book called This Gilded Abyss. It’s by Rebecca Thorne (@rebeccathornewrites), and it struck me as a book that was graceful in the same way that a person can be “cool”. It’s not pompously dancing around clever wordplay. The book feels like the art is in the tale, rather than the telling, and I mean that in the best way. It’s more art than form.

The reason I bring this up is because that is the same feeling I get from listening to Hazbin Hotel’s Poison. There are cool details in the presentation, sure, but they are outshone entirely by the emotion on display. I don’t listen to the song or read the book to dwell on the fine details, not because they aren’t there, but because the story has me in a death grip and I am too enthralled by it to pay attention.

I could talk about how Poison uses high notes to ground itself, I could talk about how the songs instruments imply a fakeness. But that doesn’t seem like the point to me. Instead, I want to elaborate on what I said earlier about this song and comedy writing.

The song isn’t funny, per say. If you were insincere, you could point out that this is about a spider singing to a moth, so haha jokey joke joke. But that’s the key. Sincerity.

The golden rule of comedy is “commit to the bit”. It’s less funny to draw back and undercut yourself than it is to subvert expectations or do something dumb and go for it, despite seeing it coming a mile away.

I was a theatre kid (if you are shocked by this, welcome to the blog), and I remember being told by the theatre sports coach that for a joke to be funny, it can never be acknowledged as such. I don't know how much I agree with this, but it's a useful idea.

Hazbin Hotel does this in a big way with its entire design. It’s set in hell, and the main character is the most optimistic person you will ever meet. Pentious is a villain, and also a goober, and the show does not acknowledge the inherent silliness of this for a moment.

As such, the punchline of Poison is the final verse, which is a tour de force of Blake Roman’s acting skill. Everything cuts away and you get the emotional centre of the entire song. It’s like the dick joke you can see coming, but instead of making you laugh, it destroys you.

This is how the final scream in All You Wanna Do works. The song part of the musical Six, which I hope to cover on this blog at some point and follows the breaking down of Katherine Howard. She is seeking a kinship without any preconceptions, but everyone around her views her as nothing more than a vehicle for sex.

At the end of the song, she screams out into the stage:

"Bite my lip and pull my hair as you tell me I'm the fairest of the fair."

Six is a tragedy that has already happened. The characters know their fates, but the audience gets to learn them in real time, and is powerless but to watch with joy that turns rapidly into horror.

In this case, Howard hasn't been allowed to complain. She's been something pretty for people to look upon, and she has to be happy, right? She's married to the king. But she isn't, because nobody has at any point asked what it is that she wants.

So, she screams, letting all that rage and frustration out, letting the audience know how she really feels, and displaying her complete vulnerability in the face of history, and then she is gone, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Poison also does this with each chorus. There are mini punchlines, mini beats that make you react and keep you interested.

“What’s the worst part of this hell? I can only blame myself.”

This forms a bridge to the chorus, drawing you back like an arrow in a bowstring to send you rocketing forwards into an aggressively upbeat flurry of music. The same thing happens later on in the song.

“So far beyond difficult, To resist another gulp.”

This is use of the titular metaphor, but its also ascribing blame. Angel has been abused and sexually assaulted by Valentino, and this is the song about how he has internalised that. Namely, through condemning himself.

There are two things to note here, and I think the series disagrees with Angel on both accounts.

First up, there is the importance of proportionality. Falling for someone with more red flags than a beach in shark season wasn’t a good decision, I think we can all agree on that, but it doesn’t condemn someone to abuse.

Especially since this is the internet for Pete's sake. You only have to imply that a character is attractive, and you will have a collection of people who will defend their every move. Part of this is the "I can fix him" mentality and the fact that fictional characters aren't real, but still. Come on.

Second up, is Angel really to blame? More to blame than, say, Valentino? The victim is blaming himself for his victimhood, in order to deflect from the person who has put himself in that situation.

Episode four has one scene in it that is both my favourite and my least favourite, the one in which Charlie sets fire to the set.

This was a scene that made me reflect on the difference between something being good craft and something being enjoyable, as Valentino’s switch in tone when moving between Angel and Charlie is so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me pause the episode to sit back and take it in. It’s intentionally jarring, and it's not trying to present this character as benevolent.

What it is trying to do is present Valentino as seductive, someone who has two modes that he can switch between. Angel fell for the nice Valentino who got the gifts and was kind and charming and was blindsided by the more aggressive version of this character.

In other words, the highs were what he was drawn in by, the lows caught him off guard. Valentino is like a drug.

This truly is the opposite of Alice Cooper’s song. Where that personified the drug to give it agency, Angel dehumanises Valentino to place the agency on himself and take the blame.

“Because I know you’re poison, you’re feeding me poison. Addicted to this feeling I can’t help but swallow up your poison. I made my choice and every night I’m living like there’s no tomorrow.”

If we focus on the line I put in bold, there’s some similarity to another song, previously in the musical.

“Hell is forever, whether you like it or not. Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot”

The idea that choices are final and that everyone gets one chance that they must then commit to is a key antagonistic force in the series. The show is about hope, and the desire for things to get better, but Heaven and Angel say that if you make a decision, the rest of your life must be dedicated to the follow up of that.

If you got into a bad relationship, sucks to suck, you’re stuck there. If you got into a bind and had to do dark things to stay alive, sorry, no redoes.

There's a word for this: "Damnation".

Committing to the bit here is making the bit your entire deal. The theme is the dichotomy between change and stagnation, and every source of conflict comes from that one concept. It’s milking the joke for all its worth, but again, repurposed.

Although, there is one other advantage that comedians have in storytelling, an advantage I like to call the “What’s My Mother’s Name?” Moment.

Sam Riegel is a voice actor and a regular cast member on Critical Role. He is famous for being incredibly funny, but also for his relationship with humour. Several times across the series’ three campaigns, it has become clear that Riegel was being fully serious, and neither the audience not the cast saw it coming until far too late.

There’s an obvious example here but let’s get topical and talk about the latest episode of the series, as of writing this.

“He had a perspective and a goal and he laid it out very clearly. He wanted to get his family back and assume power. He did not set out to kill a city, to destroy a city. He wanted to get back with his family. The others prevented him. He gave them a choice to sit down at a table and they said, ‘No, we'd rather kill a city.’”

Riegel is playing Braius Doomseed, a minotaur champion of an evil deity, and in episode 102, there is a discussion of what has gone before. Braius starts to make a case for one of the villainous deities, and the rest of the cast assumes he’s just joking and committing to the bit. Instead, Reigel commits to the bit so thoroughly that he bypasses humour and plays it straight. This is someone genuinely making a case for the lord of the hells.

The question isn’t about when Reigel started beings serious because he’s always been that. The question, is “when did he stop being funny?”

Hazbin Hotel does this with Poison, and it causes the audience to reflect on what has gone before. All of Angels’s actions up to this point have now been recontextualised, and it's far too late to do anything about it. Angel has always been serious, the show has always been aware of this character as a damaged person, but now the lighting is different, and you aren’t shielded by the joke.

The punchline is the commitment to the bit.

Final Thoughts

I’ve seen a lot of praise online for this song, and while I agree that this song’s grip on you is unbreakable, I think that it gets outdone by the very next number.

I also want to point out why, in my opinion, episode four is the best in the series.

The show has a pacing problem, it’s in a hurry to tell its story because it’s had artificial constraints put upon it. But Masquerade takes its time and gives you a story without compromises and without outside input. In my eyes, this is a flawless episode of television.

Next week, we will stick with the episode, and look at Loser Baby, and how hope becomes triumph. Stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[regrettablemeasure]

I'm seeing, like in 2020 and 2016, a lot of talk about immigrating out of the states etc. and not even going into how that isn't feasible for a lot of people for various reasons I also just. don't see anyone talking about what if I don't want to fucking run away from my own home.

As a white woman I'm far from the first person to experience living in a homeland that you want to love but hates you politically. None of this is new for every other minority group in our country. But I remember first feeling it as a lesbian teen in the south and it's something I've heard shared by other friends of mine of different backgrounds from the US - especially red states. Even though I theoretically could get a visa somewhere else which is a privilege in and of itself - it's not fair that I should be pushed to consider it. Maybe I don't want to go to Europe. Maybe I like how diverse my home country is. I like our music and food and people and the little pockets of community we do manage to scrape together. Maybe I was born here and I want to fucking stay here rather than let the dickheads just win out over me and I don't want to run and pull up the ladder behind me.

I don't have an overarching point to this post and I'm not trying to shame people looking for a "way out" but it sucks to see. It sucks to see non Americans shittalk us, too, like there's not good people across the country - a whole half of the country - that didn't want any of this.

[artsofmetamoor]

Concepts for Caleb's armors ✨

In our main story Caleb starts working as tutor/trainer of the lads that are to be the future royal guard of the Queen. Elyon requested it because as the ex rebel leader he has direct experience and knowledge in combat and harsh warfare.

At this point Caleb is living with his beloved Dilla at her village, and he very much prefers to be around the Tribal Galhots, who he considers his new family and home, rather than to mess with Meridian's royal affairs. He still frequently visits the town to share drinks with his ex comrades and friends, but mingling with nobles was never his favorite activity. However, he decided to accept this job as a favor to his queen and friend, and also by Dilla's advice that it could be good for the continuous healing of his body and mind.

Since Caleb was in need of an armor for this task, the people of the village offered themselves to make it for him. Tribal Galhots' great talent for blacksmithing is very admired and sought after throughout Meridian and Metamoor, and most people rush to buy all the high quality jewelry, armor and more that they trade in towns. Caleb gratefully takes this offer as a great honor.

The style of blacksmithing of the Tribes is very diverse, picking up techniques and looks from their own culture, but also from various other cultures of Meridian. Among them of course is the medieval-like armor and weapons that even the Tribes wear themselves, and it's the usual style that is commissioned from people from towns such as Meridian, however Caleb for such a kind gift only requested that his amour was made in any way that the artists and blacksmiths of the village saw fit for him, which delighted them greatly! And thus the unique pieces were created.

------

So me and @katerinaaqu were looking at these beautiful and so very interesting armor pieces from Bronze Age Greece. The shapes and looks are so unique, that we decided to take inspiration from them for the armor Caleb uses to train the lads of the royal guard in our story! We decided that it would be an interesting alternative concept from the medieval-like armors that are usually seen in high fantasy scenes. 

Since in our story Caleb's armors were made as a gift from the Tribal Galhot people from the village where he is living with Dilla, I tried to take the references that Katerina has given me and translate them to the materials and styles that would be used in this scenario, in this case Iron, gold, furs and leather, and of course tusks and horns of animals to adorn the helmets (which was perfect since Mycenaean helmets and armors already fit so well).

Also a bit extra, but since we are checking out Iliad and the Odyssey, and our version of Caleb shares so much with the narrative of Odysseus, especially in his great journey and struggles, we realized that Caleb kind of almost became like the Odysseus of Meridian in Chronicles of Metamoor by accident 😆✨

[topazadine]

Identifying bad writing advice

I have seen what seems to be a backlash against the genre of writing advice in recent days. By that, I mean I saw like two posts about it within a few days of one another. That, to me, is an epidemic! We need a global symposium discussing the peoples' distrust of writing advice.

Not really, but one does need to practice caution when reading anything that tries to tell you to do something. That includes me, and even this post that you're reading.

There are tons of excellent guides out there helping to refine your unique voice rather than change it. BUT you should treat everything you read with some caution and ask if it resonates with you.

With that said, let's take a look at some warning signs that you might be getting bad advice.

Inexperienced source

You need to understand writing on a deep level if you're going to act as an authority on it. Someone who has just started writing can share their experience, but they shouldn't position themselves as an expert by any means.

Also, writing takes years to learn. Literally years. Casually writing for two years or so is not going to teach you everything you need to know so that you can share that with others.

I would also say that while you do not need formal training to be a writer, you should have some formal training to teach writing or give advice. As I'll discuss more later on, being able to do something well is very different than being able to explain how to do it.

If someone doesn't provide their credentials and their suggestions seem a little off, then they may not have the experience necessary to help you. I've shared my own credentials in several other posts so I won't belabor them, but I have written over two million words of creative writing, hold a BA and an MA, and have 15+ years of practice. I also tutored writing students for about five years.

Unengaging writing

This is pretty self-explanatory. If the advice-giver's writing is boring, or uninteresting, or hard to follow, they probably need to spend more time developing their own craft before they try to teach anyone else.

I include poor formatting in this as well. If someone is doing wacky things with their formatting that make it hard to read their guide, like using extra teeny tiny small font or enormous fonts, they are doing this more to show off how smart they are than helping you.

The "extra small super cute fonts" thing is also kind of ableist because low vision people are going to have to rachet their magnification up to 10000 to see anything. This suggests that the writer is not thinking about their audience.

Universalizing everything

The problem with advice about such a diverse craft is that it is almost impossible to target every potential need. Similarly, every advice-giver is coming from their own perspective and may not be able to see beyond their own experiences, biases, and so on.

If someone says "all good writers do this" or "always avoid this," they are likely not going to help you much.

With any advice, you should take what resonates and leave the rest. Sometimes, what resonates is uncomfortable, but you know deep down in your heart that it's true. That's common, especially if you have some bad habits holding you back but you're unwilling to fix them.

I try to always include a caveat that I am only coming from my own perspective and what I say may not apply to you. If someone writes an advice guide and tries to say that their way is the only good way to do something, or that anyone who doesn't follow their advice is a "bad writer," then they aren't thinking beyond their own nose.

Excessive prescriptivism

There are very few real rules in writing. In fact, I have distilled them down to only two that apply to everyone.

Writing needs to communicate something to someone.

Writing needs to be written so that others can easily understand (and enjoy) that message.

These two adages cover damn near everything about the craft, including the importance of grammar, spelling, syntax, and so on. For creative writing, they also consider the importance of coherent plots, understandable characters, good dialogue, avoiding infodumping, and so on.

Going further, these two rules explain that your writing should have themes and symbols meant to provide a deeper meaning without throwing it right in the reader's face, because readers don't like being lectured.

Note that these rules do not tell you how to create your characters, or how to format your writing, or anything like that. Because those things are all very context-specific, and what I suggest may not alway apply.

It's why older writers grit their teeth at younger writers bashing them over the head with "show don't tell" because there is nuance here. And you get to that nuance by writing a lot. Which is why beginner writers haven't found that nuance yet. And which is why beginner writers should not be giving advice.

Fails to explain the reasoning

Doing something and teaching something, as I said above, are very different things. Someone can be an amazing writer, but when they try to explain themselves, they fall flat. Similarly, you can be an avid reader but an atrocious beta reader because you have no idea how to identify problems and suggest solutions.

Having spent years learning craft and helping others improve, I can identify why something works or doesn't, and I can explain this in a way that makes sense. For example, my spicy mundanity post doesn't just say "mechanical descriptions are boring."

The post explains why those descriptions are unengaging, then shows examples of how to fix it, and then explains why those passages are better.

Similarly, my post on how not to write a character doesn't just say "avoid this." It explains why certain tropes are annoying and gives advice on how to fix those things.

I often link my advice back to key concepts, including cognitive load and audience, in order to demonstrate that at its heart, writing is deceptively simple: it's about communicating something to someone in an entertaining way. But there are millions of ways to do this successfully, and everyone needs to find their own path to success.

If someone just says "do this" without explaining why this is a better option, they're not telling you anything. They are just giving their opinion about what makes good writing without helping you improve.

Discouraging or elitist

Anyone who makes you feel like shit and like you can't possibly ever be a good writer ... is an asshole. Anyone who berates you for mistakes you make while learning is trying to gatekeep one of the world's oldest art forms - storytelling - for no reason other than to feel better about themselves.

You do not need an English degree or Creative Writing degree or any degree to be a good writer. You don't need formal training; (good) free advice you find on the internet, when applied systematically, can do wonders for you.

All you really need to be a good writer is time, practice, and patience. Just like anyone can pick up an instrument and become proficient if they do it over and over again, so can anyone become a great writer if they persevere.

Many people unfortunately fall into this trap of thinking that writers are some special breed of human who were innately gifted by the gods themselves. Sure, you can have an inclination toward writing, just like you can have an inclination toward anything else. But you can also brute force that talent through hard work.

Writers are not like athletes, where genetics and physical fitness and early life development all play a role in whether you can get to the Olympics. Some people just suck at sports and it's unlikely they will ever improve. I am one of those people. Rest assured I understand.

Thankfully, though, writing is much more forgiving and welcoming than that. (Though not all writers are very forgiving and welcoming.)

It may take you longer than someone "naturally gifted," and you may struggle more, but anyone can become a good writer with practice.

Those who tell you otherwise, or who tear down your work and mock you, or who insist that you need XYZ degree or skill or experience or whatever, are wrong.

Please don't listen to them. Please don't let them ruin your joy.

If you'd like to read more of my work, consider buying my book!

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution.

Be sure to preorder Pride Before a Fall, arriving January 1, 2025!

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

I've also created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

Enjoy!

[stinetoftdk]

A better world

I am born intersex, which in my case mean that I was born with both male-typical and female typical sex traits. I was assigned the male sex at birth and because I reserve the right to be in disagreement, with that designation, I am also what is called transgender.

I see myself as a woman, but neither as male nor female.

I have a need to rearrange my sex traits, in a manner where my body will become sexually unambiguous, to the extent that is possible, to alleviate my severe discomfort associated with having male sex traits, as a woman.

I am on early retirement (welfare system, for physically/mentally ill/handicapped people), because of traumatic experiences forced upon me in the Danish healthcare system, on the basis of my status as both intersex and transgender and I have co-founded a human rights organization that aim to spread awareness of the existence of intersex people and what that means, while also working towards recognition of intersex persons human rights, especially on the right to self determination of what happen with our own bodies, that no medically unnecessary procedures are performed against our wishes or without our personal, free and informed consent (Physical integrity) and the right to highest attainable standard of health.

Just as is the case with male and female bodies, there are illnesses and problems related to being male or female, the same is true for different intersex variation, and there are many ways in which someone can be intersex.

As is the case with my variation, issues with expressing ourselves in social situations is often observed, there’s an increased tendency towards anxity, autistic traits are observed in 30-50% of all people with my variation, symptoms of the non-hyperactive form of ADHD, as well as difficulties in regulating our own emotions.

I drew the shortest straw and unfortunately I have traits of all these issues, which I think also had significance in my early retirement. That said, I of course do my very best to find solutions so that I can one day contribute to society, the same as most others, but with a differently wired brain that doesn’t at all match up with how the Danish labour market function, finding a solution has proven very difficult and I have been psychiatrically evaluated to never be able to improve my chances of ever being able to keep a job.

I hope and keep my fingers crossed that in time I can find something that suits my neuro-atypical brain.

One of the ways that helps me regulate my emotions, perform better socially and regulate my negative autistic traits has been to participate in sports. I have a particular interest in martial arts and moving my body has a calming effect on me which also helps me not feel less anxious.

For me, martial arts is a form of very physical therapy, where I can burn a lot of energy, but at the same time, it’s a way for me to achieve the weight loss that is required in most places around the world, to become eligible for gender affirming surgery.

I believe it’s important that we as transgender and intersex persons, share our experiences and lives with society, if we are able to, to participate in fostering a better understanding of who we are and thus create a better society where, we can live our lives as equals, with the same opportunities and rights, as the rest of the population.

I believe that this instead of polarizing, if we have the courage to be vulnerable and have our voices heard, can help create a shared understandings and recognition of the diversity of all people.

It would mean a lot to me, if you would share this post, because the only way I can participate in making a better world, is by reaching a bigger audience.

As intersex and transgender people, we need your help and support to create a better Denmark (and world).

(The photo is from a conference I attended a long time ago, but the message is still relevant)

[mommyownsmee]

Hi 🥺 (idk if i can call you mommy, i don’t want to be disrespectful)

Do you have any advice for someone who is mot sure about their sexuality?

i have been always attracted to men mostly, but for few years now i have this feeling that i might be attracted to women too… i’m 23 and well when my friends and colleagues were experimenting with theirs sexualities i was nit a part of this ( strict and overprotective parents) and now that i have a freedom to experiment, theres no one to do it with. And i dint want to lead anyone when im nit sure of my sexuality.

Any advice maybe? you have this aura around yourself that ,made me feel safe enough to ask this, i hope i didn’t push or step over any boundaries.

🥺🙈

Hey sweety! 𝒙𝒙

Of course, you can call me mommy if that feels comfortable for you! I'm honored that you feel safe enough to reach out with such a personal question. Exploring your sexuality can be both exciting and a little daunting, especially if you haven't had the chance to do so until now.

First, it's important to remember that sexuality is a spectrum and can be fluid. It's perfectly normal to be attracted to different genders at different times in your life.

I wrote down some tips for you that helped me too:

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Self-Reflection

Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly. Reflect on moments when you felt attraction towards someone, regardless of their gender. This can help you identify patterns and understand your emotions better.

Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you become more in tune with your inner self and feelings. Sometimes, our busy lives make it hard to notice subtle changes in our attractions and desires.

Past Experiences: Reflect on your past crushes, relationships, and attractions. Were there any moments when you felt drawn to someone of the same gender? Understanding your past can provide insights into your current feelings.

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Educate Yourself

Books and Articles: There are many excellent resources on sexuality and sexual orientation. Consider reading works by authors like Lisa Diamond ("Sexual Fluidity") or Emily Nagoski ("Come As You Are").

Documentaries and Videos: Visual media can be very powerful. Look for documentaries on LGBTQ+ experiences or TED Talks that discuss sexuality. These can provide diverse perspectives and relatable stories.

Websites and Forums: Websites like Scarleteen and forums like Reddit’s r/bisexual or r/lgbt are full of people sharing their own journeys and advice.

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Join Supportive Communities

Online Communities: Websites and social media groups can offer a sense of belonging and support. Platforms like Reddit, Tumblr, and Facebook have groups dedicated to exploring and discussing sexuality. I also have a Telegram group that you can join at any time.

Local LGBTQ+ Group: Check for local community centers or groups. Attending meetings or events can provide face-to-face support and friendships with people who understand what you’re going through.

Support Groups: Some areas offer support groups specifically for people questioning their sexuality. These can be safe spaces to express your feelings and learn from others.

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Take It Slow

No Pressure: Give yourself permission to explore your sexuality at your own pace. There’s no rush to label yourself or come to a definitive conclusion.

Exploration: If you feel comfortable, try going on dates or meeting people from different genders. This doesn’t mean you have to jump into a relationship right away; casual and friendly interactions can be very telling.

Experimentation: Experiment with your sexuality in ways that feel safe and comfortable for you. This could be through fantasizing, watching different kinds of media, or even engaging in conversations with friends.

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Communicate Openly

Honesty: When you start dating, be upfront about your journey with potential partners. Most people appreciate honesty and will understand that you’re still figuring things out.

Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with anyone you’re exploring with. Make sure they understand your situation and respect your pace and comfort level.

Feedback: Ask for feedback from those you trust. Sometimes, friends and close ones can provide perspectives that you might not have considered.

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Seek Professional Guidance

Therapists and Counselors: Look for professionals who specialize in LGBTQ+ issues. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment.

Sex Educators: Professionals in this field can offer practical advice and information about sexuality, helping you understand your feelings better.

Support Networks: Some areas have networks of professionals who provide counseling and support specifically for those exploring their sexuality.

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Personal Tips

Self-Acceptance: Embrace the journey and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel uncertain and to take your time in understanding your sexuality.

Stay Informed: Keep learning and stay curious. The more information and perspectives you gather, the more comfortable you might feel with your own sexuality.

Community Resources: Utilize local community resources such as LGBTQ+ centers, hotlines, and support groups. They often offer free or low-cost services for those exploring their sexuality.

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Remember, there's no "right" way to discover your sexuality. It's a personal journey, and it's okay to take your time. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled, and understanding your sexuality is a part of that.

I'm always here to talk if you need more support or just someone to listen. You didn't push any boundaries, and I'm glad you reached out. Take care of yourself, and trust your feelings—they are valid.