#executive hr courses

[chirpsythismorning]

Word on the street is negotiations between the WGA and the studios are still currently taking place going into the evening…

[mit-university-shillong]

[ritumistry11]

Northwest Executive Education offers the best global executive education programs from Berkeley, MIT, Chicago Booth, UCLA, and other top ranked universities.

https://northwest.education/

[kokonoiis]

NOW PRESENTING. . . ─── INITIATION bonten x fem! reader

9.23.24

" she’s crying ? " if you didn't know any better, you'd really think that kakucho almost sounded worried for you, but no one there had any intention of stopping sanzu from finishing your tattoo. this was something that all bonten executives had to go through, you knew this, almost like an initiation of sorts, and of course you were no exception to this case. but it didn't help that you were shirtless, and you could feel the eyes of several men staring at your body, taking in the sight before them. a few seemed to be enjoying your pain far, far too much, but you were in no position to say anything to them at this very moment even if you could, not when you could barely get out a sentence without whimpering. “ pathetic little bitch can’t even stop crying f’me, “ sanzu murmured underneath his breath, his hand finding its place on your hip, holding you still firmly against the chair. “ stay still for me or i’m gonna fuck up, i’m almost done. shit. “

──kokonoiis 2024 / tags and warnings below the cut !! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

warning ; DEAD DOVE : DO NOT EAT DARK CONTENT. READER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED

taglist ; reply with ' 🖤 ' to be part of the taglist when the fic drops <33

active characters ; hajime kokonoi, haruchiyo sanzu, ran haitani, rindou haitani, takeomi akashi mentions of ; mikey sano, kakucho, kanji mochizuki

synopsis ; you work with closely with one of bonten's executives, hajime kokonoi, to sniff out any potential weak links or moles within the upper ranks. and you're pretty good at your job, too, at least you haven't had any complaints from hr. after a job well done and three men sent directly to the chopping block, you've been promoted as an executive yourself ! haruchiyo sanzu will personally see to your bonten tattoo getting done, while the others watch you intently. half naked in front of these powerful men, with sanzu's knee pressed right in between your legs, you realized you were definitely in over your head on this one.

tags ; dubious consent , degradation , praise , gangbang , power imbalance , pain play , exhibitionism , voyeurism , groping , mention of drug usage ( sanzu ), mentions of alcohol ( takeomi & rindou ), sadism , masochism , dacryphilia , violent sex , oral ( m. receiving ) spit kink , asphyxiation , fear play , face fucking , mind break , coercion almost , free use , violent language , unprotected sex , handjobs , misogyny ( takeomi ) , slutshaming ( takeomi, again ), bukkake , insults , mean characters , throat bulge , breath play , borderline unconsciousness , hair pulling , overstimulation , mentions of a breeding kink , multiple orgasms , mentions of a collar , dry humping just a little , humiliation , control , spitroasting , nipple play , canon typical violence , mentions of death several times , gang antics with bonten , and more...!

word count ; 20,000+

[uneducated-author]

Okay one thing I think of on this lawful day is this.

We joke about like, all the ADA dating enemies except for Kunikida right? And Kunikida finding out about it like-

Kunikida: "THE PORT MAFIA EXECUTIVE DAZAI? NAKAHARA CHUUYA? THAT'S YOUR 'CUTE LITTLE CHIBI HOUSEWIFE'?!

Dazai, thrilled that Kunikda said 'chibi' with his actual voice: "Hey, Atsushi's dating Akutagawa."

Atsushi: "WHA-"

Kunikida, rounding in him: "THE RABID DOG?! IS ANYONE HERE NOT DATING A MEMBER OF THE PORT MAFIA?!"

Yosano: (coughs and carefully rearranges the flower arrangement from Kouyou.)

Ranpo: "I'm not!"

Kunikida: "Oh! Well... Thank you Ranpo, I shouldn't have expected less from such an exemplary dete-"

Ranpo: "I'm dating Poe."

Kunikida: "..."

Kunikida: (SCREAMS)

But I think this would be followed up with Kunikida admitting to have a relationship with Katai, and Fukuzawa coming in like-

Fukuzawa: "You have a romantic relationship with another member of the ADA?"

Kunikida: "Well, Katai technically isn't-"

Fukuzawa: "Nonetheless, a workplace relationship has to be undertaken with care. I hope you have filled out the appropriate forms to HR?"

Kunikida: "... WE DON'T HAVE HR!"

Fukuzawa: "Nonetheless. Of course, I would never stand in the way of love, or dictate who you can start a relationship with, but I will say you ought to have put some... foresight, in who and how you start a relationship."

Kunikida: (Literally passes out, both from bubbling rage and shame at his own failure)

Dazai: "... President, is this because you didn't want to admit to thirsting over TWO heads of enemy organisations?"

Fukuzawa: "Back to work."

Basically I think it would be funny is after all the dramatics and shenanigans, KUNIKDA is the one with the illegal relationship.

[artsekey]

Recommended Media | 2024 Roundup!

Hey, everyone! I decided to collect a list of my top media of 2024; I'm very picky about how I spend my limited free time, and everything on this list gets a 10/10 recommendation from me!

I don't do reviews often, but I personally prioritize strong storytelling over everything else... though as a professor of animated film, I'm a sucker for strong technical execution, too! The media included on this list were not necessarily released in 2024, either-- I personally experienced them for the first time this year.

Best Shows:

These pieces of media are exemplars of storytelling and objectively excellent technical execution; I'd recommend them to most.

Blue Eye Samurai was captivating from start to finish-- so much so that I watched it three times all the way through! I'm not one to re-watch shows, but this was a true gem. The style didn't draw me in at first, and I'm not a huge fan of the genre, but the tight writing, clear themes, and artistic execution make this a much-watch for me.

Unsurprisingly, Fortiche's Arcane makes the list. Not only did the team do a great job of creating an immersive world and compelling characters, but the art direction on this show has been phenomenally influential in the animation world. Everything-- from the editing, camerawork, animation, voice acting, foley-work, score, and pacing-- is excellent. I use sections of this show in my Master's level courses because the use of film theory is so consistent and well executed!

Pluto is a beautifully animated adaptation of the 2003 Award-Winning Manga by the same name that discusses the horrors and aftermath of war through the lens of a futuristic sci-fi murder-mystery. Though it gets off to a slow start-- demanding a three episode investment before it truly has you hooked-- its beautiful visuals and compelling narrative act as a wonderful tribute to a touching and poignant story.

Best Games:

Big Mode's Animal Well is the indie studio's debut title, and as someone who loves story, this game... has none. It's on this list because despite my aversion to story-light games, I could not put it down. It's a reasonably priced, beautifully art-directed puzzler that rewards exploration and experimentation in a way that few modern games do.

Atlus's Persona 4: Golden has my whole heart. I played Persona 5, enjoyed it, but picked up Persona 4 while on vacation. It is, by far, my favorite Persona game. You arrive in a small, rural town on the heels of a gruesome murder and slowly collected a group of misfit teenagers who are truly struggling to figure out who they are. Every character feels well-rounded, and at over 150 hrs of playtime, this dated title-- available on Switch-- is worth every penny, even in 2024.

Hiding Spot's Beacon Pines is a touching story about a kid slowly unraveling the dark history of his hometown. Though it's a short experience, the mechanics offer a fun and unique twist on the visual novel genre that had me coming back for more over and over again! The art is adorable, the music is sweet, and the story is a compelling delight that gives the player the convincing illusion of agency.

[oh-dameron]

-The Hands of the Emperor, chapter 63

Congrats to Kip for getting his Take That smack down directly after this and all, but several things occurred to me on a re-read:

1. Cousin Louya was right about the fish farm,

2. Cousin Louya was right about the sea turtles,

3. Cousin Louya might have a genuine gift of prophecy,

4. There is a faction in the Palace of Stars who do indeed hide behind cunning masks,

5. Said faction set themselves up to seize power after The Fall by positioning HR as a God, and then again after HR's heart attack by attempting to execute Omo and destabilise the guards, and then when HR went on his quest they called Kip into a super shady meeting and just coincidentally shortly thereafter he got hit with [AtFotS spoilers].

6. Kip's second-in-command, Kiri Kalikiri, is precisely placed to do everything that Louya warned about, and

7. Kiri Kalikiri's parents are priests of the Imperial cult.

Is that a separate thing from the Ouranatha? I don't know. I do think it's extremely unlikely that the Ouranatha are planning to sit back, let HR retire, and dissolve the whole edifice of the Imperial cult that they rest the bulk of their authority on. There's going to be at least one more mad grab for power in their death throes.

The other reading, of course, is that Cousin Louya is once again right on the money but what she's seeing is Kip's complete takeover and restructure of the government. But that doesn't jibe with her warning of destroying everyone who is not like them and the erasure of culture. Unless you count Kip's desire to verbally smack down bigoted fools he never seeks to destroy. The sort of language Louya uses to describe the threat is imperialist.

[space-blue]

so uh do you think the recombinants have human rights? or are we just going to see the rda doing human experiments cause they are “only” copies of people

Heya anon. Interesting question to get out of the blue.

I don't see why recoms would have human rights. Not only are they not "human" and giving them rights would be a slippery slope to giving the Na'vi rights, they are the explicit commercial creation of a private company.

The genre of the Avatar franchsie can be confusing at times due to the optimistic vibes, pretty setting and time spent on exploration with the natives of Pandora, but the human side is extremely rooted in cyberpunk.

The RDA is a company.

Imagine if we discovered a sentient race of underwater aliens on Europa, and the people interracting with them were from SpaceX, on a SpaceX agenda, and not NASA, ESA or JAXA. Worse, since the RDA is all about mining, imagine they were kitted out and working under an executive of Glencore! Shipped by SpaceX...

IDK if the world of Avatar has more info in novelisations, games or comics reguarding the state of laws in space, but I very much think that if people like Quaritch signed a contract to allow the use of his DNA and recorded memories, and the RDA creates recombinants off their own tech at their own price, for their own security team... Then no court of justice has any say in that.

I doubt the RDA's HR department on Pandora will be reporting anything back to earth if the recoms have complaints... By the way, canonically if your cryopod malfunctions during an interstellar trip with the RDA, you die, because they don't keep enough resources on board to let human live the length of the trip, so good luck having any humane law at your back.

On the other hand, I don't understand what you mean by human experiments.

The RDA is not interested in that, and they don't seem to be needed. From the films, we know they want rocks and oil. That's it. They do mining and hunting. They aren't set on Pandora to do human experiments.

A1 already has the ability to use avatars, and those avatars are created on earth and mature over the course of the flight. So clearly the creation of hybrid bodies has been going on for decades (since Grace has been at this for a long while!) and there's no hint of it being human experimentation.

Again: recombinants aren't human. That's what makes them so fascinating. They are a mostly Na'vi and human chimera, with a memory imprint that forces a personality on them. But they can't live natural lives on earth, don't have any legal identity (Quaritch and his men are DEAD. They died. They were clearly labeled KIA so the RDA could make the recom contract kick in).

Even their qualia, the way they experience consciousness, is not human. Humans aren't that size, that build, with tails and swivelling ears. They may remember being a human, but they aren't anymore.

Which creates enormous room for angst and fantastic reasons to rebel and join the locals. The memories of humanity are used as a leash. IDK if they are even copies of people. Q is clearly missing memories outside of what was recorded for him.

I don't think there will be "experiments" on them. I don't see the point. Q & co. are also not used in that way in the story of A2. They are fearsome but easy to dispatch villains for a setting that doesn't tolerate humans anymore.

I don't think that recoms being "remade" would be an experiment or a torture. I think it would be the cold calculations of a cyberpunk mega-corp.

But don't forget there is no process to speed this along. So either the company already made several copies of each recoms, or they'll need years to make new ones. They're also very expensive, so who knows.

I really enjoy the idea of Q going rogue precisely because he's given a new crew of the same recoms to work with and the inhumanity of it finally breaks him. He'd be bound to realise there's more of him in storage and nothing he can do will be meaningful in that way.

[thekatebridgerton]

I know they're going to change Sophie I just hope they don't change everything about her. If they want to make her queer that's cool. But I will be mad if they decide they go the Strong Female Not Like The Other Girls path. That's not Sophie. This girl punched her abuser because she got sick of her mistreating her daughter.

I understand and I'm sure they won't change her personality that much, Sophie is such a resilient and kind character.

honestly don't want to get into this conversation other than to say that there is something about losing the trust of the audience and never getting it back that Bridgerton needs to work on. With time and a lot of space, I've come to understand that what was done to Michael obliterated the trust that both sides of the discourse had towards the showrunners. Which could have been avoided if there was some sort of build up towards the reveal of Michaela being a woman, maybe John could have talked about his female cousin, or maybe we could have seen some mention of a female Stirling in previous seasons.

The thing about Penelope as a love interest, is that there was a lot of build up there to position her as a love interest. Simon was introduced directly as the main romanceable character of S1 and Kate's appearance, was foreshadowed all the way to the end of s1, to the point where her appearance in s2 was expected and welcome. The show has worked to establish a void that needed to be filled in the lives of Anthony, Colin and Benedict that foreshadowed the appearance and personality of their love interest in the course of 3 seasons.

Francesca, had none of that. Furthermore the appearance of her future love interest, without any foreshadowing or previous build up, obliterated the trust the audience had in the show, when it came to future love interests. Springing a jack in the box love interest 'surprise' is only good if the surprise is something the receiver was actually looking forward to, because you let off a hint here and there. This surprise had about the same effect as a surprise marriage proposal from a person you're not sure you want to spend the rest of your life with (No shade to Penelope tho).

I keep hearing things like 'will Sophie be changed to Cressida?' or 'Will Sophie even be a woman?' and a lot of other things that basically boil down to the same question 'What will happen to Sophie? because the showrunners just proved we can't trust them anymore' and my honest reply is that, like all of you, I don't know either. There is a lot of uncertainty, that has been growing and growing ever since the show started changing major plotlines in s2, and culminated with that sucker punch to viewers trust in s3. You all have a right to be worried, I am too, for all we know Sophie could be changed into Cressida, Sienna or Theo, they could bring in Hunter Schafer to play Sophie just as they could Brandy Norwood, Manny Hacinto or Camilla Cabello. The possibilities are endless, some people will like it some will not, the common denominator is that those endless possibilities were created by breaking the viewer trust in the show's capabilities of making a book accurate adaptation. Some of you are okay with that some of you are not.

Either way, whatever they do will be what Nextflix and the Bridgerton showrunners want, depending on a multitude of factors (timing, money, covid, many script rewrites, money, which executive got dismissed and which got hired in the HR department, did I mention money), factors that, as has been proven time and time again, have nothing to do with the viewer wishes.

So if you're one of those viewers who has seen the stars align and with your wishes and the wishes of the showrunners powers that be, congratulations.... you've hit the jackpot, and all future Bridgerton seasons will be exactly as you want them to be. Oh.. do I hear a smidge of uncertainty from you too, dear viewer who was completely satisfied last season and got everything they wanted?. What do you mean you also don't trust the show to deliver on what they promised in s4? I'm sorry I can't help you, must be some sort of fluke in the matrix.

As for the rest of us, who have gone trough our share of highs and lows, and especially to the Benophie nation, all I can say is to stay strong and hope that good things will happen in the s4 production. We got 2 years, Sophie may not be what we all expect, but we will love her anyway, or at the very least, we will support whoever the show casts as Sophie.

And that's the tea

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

People in Reddit, (because of course they are) seen to think California is this prosperous utopia that makes so much money and people there just have it made. Except people were moving away in droves because of cost of living for a while and then because of lack of freedom after that.

Then I get greeted with "Nuh uh! They've had net positive people moving there". Sure maybe recently but during and right after covid people fled because of the tyrant state California was acting like. Not too mention the shutdowns on top of cutting off work from so many people while the Governor went out to party with his friends.

California might make a lot of money but it's because they SPEND a lot. And I can explain. California has some is the highest tax rates in the US. And add freakishly high rent and costs there and it's near impossible to live there especially in the big cities. So why are they supposedly so "prosperous". Easy. If a state was to charge you 40% in state taxes. Gas prices are 7$ and you rent is 5k or more a month "income" for the state is going to look insane.

Meanwhile if you have a state that charges no state taxes, costs 3$ in gas and rent costs 1k a month the state will seemingly be less "prosperous". Except that concept should more or less look at conditions of living. And in California the place with the best net positive living conditions for an AVERAGE resident are all red area. Or light purple leaning red. Meanwhile if you're in blue areas you've got streets covered in shit, homeless people, and rampant crime and car break-ins. Sounds SUPER "prosperous" to me. So prosperous in fact the state wanted to charge residents for 10 years after they left the state.

Why? Because no matter how much they are making they aren't making enough. If you compare their GDP against how much they keep spending it's pretty bleak. Never you mind the impropriety in their local governments. Specifically L.A. and SF. Who "misplaced" millions a year that's supposedly supposed to go to the homeless. And other supposed "welfare". Fact is the sheer amount of people who I've talked to that left because they could not afford to live there. It's been quite a few. Income does not equal prosperity. And the fact Cali has had to be bailed out a number of times shows it can't sustain itself. Though the bailouts were not all extravagant. Most ended up being subsidies if I recall correctly. (Though it's been a while since I read up on it).

People dick suck Democrat policies so hard they need to present California as this bastion of perfection. It's not. And GDP doesn't make a place better. Especially not with tax rates as high as the have them. ON TOP OF federal taxes and living costs being that stupid.

Record high of 6.43. FOR UNLEADED!

And then this bullshit.

And a dollar for gas makes a lot of difference

So if it gas wad 3.40 even, 20$ would get you 5.8 gallons. At 4.80? 4.1 gallons. That amount MAKES A DIFFERENCE especially to those not making a lot of money a year. Then Cali mandates a $20/hr min wage for fast for (except Panera bread because a high level executive made a charitable donation to his campaign) 10k people lost our are projected to lose jobs. "Well that's the greedy companies-" I'm going to stop you right there. No it's not companies fault. It's the fault of California government. Because guess what? For those people that will be making more California gets a bigger cut of your money. Oh and guess what? Because of that you're in a higher tax bracket in both your state AND federally. California is mandating you get robbed blind.

Look. No state is perfect. But to pretend California is such a great place because a lot of companies had their head offices there and state taxes are absurd? Isn't a win. And frankly it makes your look stupid. Because it's a pretty nuanced thing. And it completely flies over most of your heads. Because if they were so well of WHY would they even consider an exit tax? Why would their tax rates be so damn high? Oh right because the state is lining it's own pockets while pretending they are the richest place on earth. And all because "the weather is nice". Blow me. Several states have really nice weather. California just sets itself on fire from time to time because they dissolved their foresty departments so they can blame global warming for everything.

[mit-university-shillong]

[ritumistry11]

Northwest Executive Education offers the best global executive education programs from Berkeley, MIT, Chicago Booth, UCLA, and other top ranked universities.

https://northwest.education/

[heliza24]

Just had a very silly thought, which was that while I originally assumed Armand was like… an artistic director of the TDV, what if he is in fact the executive director? Like that suit says creative producer/head of development *to me*. He is smoozing with donors (finding victims to eat and then rob). He is staying up late writing grant applications (perfecting the spell gift). He is running the blood to janitorial staff ratio daily to make sure they stay within budget. He is solely in charge of HR (it’s a small team ok) which means it gets MESSY when he starts dating Louis. Every year when they plan their season (gotta get that mailer out so the juiciest audience member will buy subscriptions) he and Santiago fight, because Santiago always wants to do all this avant-garde shit and Armand is like “we have to do at least one classic. Just a simple blood letting. At least for Christmas. We have to keep the punters happy.”

Like OF COURSE Armand fell head over heels for Lestat when Armand was younger. What underpaid arts management intern has not had an ill-fated crush on an actor? This is also why his relationship with Louis actually lasts, because the only sustainable person to date when you’re embroiled in a tiny nonprofit arts org is someone outside that well of delusions.

Anyways this has absolutely nothing to do with my own work history, why do you ask? 😂

[dailyanarchistposts]

Author: Abbey Volcano Topics: anti-work, health care, work

This is a story about anger, “non-profits,” and pissing blood. I was in my fifth year working at an independent health food store run by religious fanatics in a suburb outside of the city and I needed more money. I started off part-time at a cultural center, working the events. I would mainly be there at night, during performances and exhibits—taking people’s tickets, helping the artists set up, serving hors d’oeuvres, cleaning the toilets, etc. I was paid $12/hr to do this work and it was the most I had ever made in my life and it was the only job that wasn’t in the service industry, so I was pretty excited. Pretty soon after I started they asked me if I could take over the secretarial position. This was a full-time desk job. I really needed the money, especially because the health food store was closing down since a Whole Foods had moved into town. I took the job since I couldn’t have really done much better as far as pay went.

I know some people think that non-profits are non-capitalist or are somehow better for society and people who work there and so on. People who work in management positions at non-profits tend to be kind of smug because of this. The place I worked didn’t really operate much differently from any other job, so if there’s a non-profit difference, I didn’t see it. This job had been salaried before I took it but they switched it to hourly and they had me work 10-5p instead of 9-5p so they could opt me out of health insurance, sick days, vacation leave, or bennies of any variety. At first I was happy about being able to start working later in the day (I’m a nocturnal insomniac) and I had never had insurance through a job before, so didn’t think much of it. But I realized pretty quickly that this was bullshit. Everyone else in the office was on salary. Sometimes I felt bad for them because if they worked longer hours, they still received the same pay, but I was mainly upset that I was the only unsalaried person. Others clocked in: the janitor, the tech people, part-time people, but I was the only one in the office who had to clock in.

Pretty much everyone mostly just fucked around on the job. Now, I’ve done my share of fucking around on the job. I’m all for fucking around on the job. It beats actually working. But in this job, other people would get mad at me if I needed to do something that meant they had to do some work instead of fucking around on the job. My job made me the first person anyone calling or coming into the cultural center made contact with. If I wasn’t there, someone else had to take calls or questions, or give tours, or the worst: make their own copies and fax their own memos. The other people in the office would be pretty pissed if I wasn’t there on time, or if I was in the bathroom, or late, whatever. They weren’t mean to me, but it disrupted their regular schedule of fucking around in the back and I could tell it annoyed them.

So there was me in the front office and four people in the back: grant writer, administrative person, accounts manager, and the executive director. Everyone else had a lot of flexibility, like you would expect at a salaried job at a cultural center to have. When they had dentist appointments, doctor appointments, their children were sick, they were sick, or anything that required them to be out of the office, they were allowed to go without penalty. Now I didn’t have health insurance like the rest of them, so I didn’t need to worry about getting time off to go to the doctor or dentist. Lucky me! I was pretty bitter about these dynamics, especially since we were all supposed to get along and be friends and what not. I found myself pretty focused on the fact that they had access to all these things and I didn’t. I’d see them laughing and joking around and I’d just think to myself how much easier it is to put a smile on at work when you at least get bennies. (Of course, work sucks, full stop. Fuck work.) So I hated my job, I hated almost all my co-workers because they were smug and on power trips. The executive director—that’s another story all its own; she is a character. A character you love to hate. She’s a rich liberal who thinks she’s a radical. Gross.

Here’s a brief story to demonstrate her fake radicalness, her loyal opposition. The executive director seemed to fetishize me as a radical. She knew my politics since I had been cooking with Food Not Bombs for a couple years and we used the center’s kitchen. So we had chatted a bunch and she considered herself a fellow radical. I’m not sure why she thought this of herself, but she did. When I first started the secretarial position, it was not explained to me that I was to be both a secretary and a personal assistant to this woman. One of the first things she had me do was look over a schematic she came up with that demonstrated how the office was organized in a non-hierarchical manner. She asked me to look it over and offer her suggestions—I think she wanted to pass these out to the office workers to boost morale, but I’m not really sure. The only suggestion I could offer is that it was completely untrue. She was interested in why I thought this, so I took the time to explain to her that the office is not organized in a non-hierarchical manner, as she had clear authority over tasks and the division of labor, she clearly made about $50k more than the other salaried employees, and as looking at it from my own standpoint, I didn’t even have insurance, sick-leave, vacation days, nor salary. It wasn’t just pay that divided us, but the division of labor was clearly and rigidly set by the board and the executive director who also established the various rules and regulations (formal and informal) which we were all to follow. It was really gross to have my boss try to convince me that we were working in a cooperative, non-hierarchical office situation. I continued to oppose everything she offered to support her argument, but she eventually dropped it and just laughed it off. I never saw that schematic again.

So one day I felt like I had a urinary tract infection (UTI) coming on. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular malady— congratulations because they are the worst. It causes you to have to pee constantly, but when you try to urinate it doesn’t really work, and it feels like razor blades are coming out of your urethra instead of urine. It’s awful. Vaginas are more susceptible to them and if you’ve had one, you’ll likely have another since it causes scar tissue, which causes more UTIs, which causes more scar tissue, etc. There are some over-the-counter drugs to ease the pain, but you need to take an antibiotic to clear up the infection so you can pee normally again. When you have a UTI, you can’t really leave your house. It’s awful. A 5-minute ride to work can be too much to handle. When I say you have to pee constantly, I mean it. Sometimes you just sit on the toilet waiting to pee. Sometimes you wear a pad so you can let out little bits of pee. Perhaps I’m getting a little TMI. But the point is, holding in your pee, even if it’s a miniscule amount, is pain that no one can bear.

So I had a UTI coming on and I knew it. I did whatever I could to try and address it with natural things so I didn’t have to go to the walk-in clinic. I drank incredibly expensive gallons of 100% unsweetened cranberry juice, I drank more water than I thought possible, and I also took incredibly expensive cranberry extract pills. That will usually steer me clear and take care of things, but not this particular time. I had symptoms for over a week. I was incredibly uncomfortable and in a lot of pain, but I knew that I didn’t have money to pay for the walk-in, to pay for the meds, and especially to take time off from work and lose those hours.

One morning, about eight days into this ordeal, I woke up to go to work and realized I was now pissing blood. UTIs that get bad enough to piss blood are rare. They’re rare because most people wouldn’t put up with the amount of pain and length of time it takes to have an untreated UTI develop into one which causes pissing blood. Pissing blood is kind of the last straw. So I was pissing blood and knew I had to get to the walk-in as soon as possible. I reluctantly called into work, explained the situation, and told them I’d get there as soon as possible, but that I needed to go to the walk-in first. This was a pretty difficult task since I also didn’t have a car at the time since mine had been stolen from that same job (wee! And also my wallet was stolen off my desk at one point). So I borrowed a car, went to the walk-in, they confirmed I had a UTI and scolded me on waiting so long to treat it, gave me a prescription, and sent me on my way. I went to the pharmacy, got my pills, and drove to work so I could at least make some money that day.

UTIs are treatable and one of the most common infections—all you really need is to take an anti-biotic for a few days and it’s over. My co-workers were shocked that I was pissing blood, they were very concerned and asked why I waited so long to take care of things. The women, especially, winced when I told them the pain I was in. They even told me to go home for the day. At this point, I had pretty much lost any ability to remain calm. I explained to them that I couldn’t afford to take time off of work, I couldn’t afford the walk-in clinic, and I couldn’t afford the prescription, and that was “why” I waited so long. I stayed the rest of the day, of course. I didn’t speak to anyone and my eyes were daggers.

The fact that I had to be pissing blood in order to justify taking off a few hours from work is bullshit. When smug well-off women at “non-profits” are shocked and ask you why you waited so long to go to the doctor when you have a UTI, you pretty much want to kill them, and anyone else, hell, everyone else. They couldn’t understand what it meant not having insurance, not having sick-leave, and not having the ability to even get to a doctor without borrowing a car. They were so used to their salary, their benefits, their vacation time, that they seemed unable to understand the problems I was having and why I didn’t do things the way they would have. I didn’t mince my words, so they started to get it a little. Then they just walked around in a kind of guilty manner the rest of the day. These are the same people who could’ve made my job full-time, offered me benefits, etc. They made the choice to change the job when I took it. I think they knew I’d take it since I was desperate and they weren’t worried about filling the position, so why not screw me over? Worst is, 35 hours in my state is considered full-time and I believe I was entitled to sick leave. Trimming my position to 35 hours/week made them feel better about taking away any benefits, but it wasn’t legal. They felt guilty when they found out how their decision to change my job had affected me, but not so guilty as to pay me more or provide me with health insurance. Fuck liberals, their useless guilt, and their loyal opposition. Furthermore, like I said, fuck work.

[seat-safety-switch]

A lot of people ask me: just how many foreign bearded ladies did your dad fuck when he was travelling the world, hoping for any circus that would take him? The answer seems to always be: “one more.” Thanksgiving is busy. My half-brother, Saito Safety-Switch, grew up in a deprived environment. His childhood was spent in opulent comfort, wanting for nothing… except what his genes demanded. His body and mind screamed out for a shitty American car, yet none were available to him in the xenophobic and closed-minded world of Japanese so-called “high society.”

One morning, he was riding his 24-speed race bicycle (affixed with homemade “HUFFY” and “BURGER KING” stickers) past a dingy three-car dealership, shoved into the corner of two pachinko parlours and a restaurant where you could make out with a girl pretending to be a train station ticket dispensing robot for ¥350/hr. That’s when he saw it.

Now, things were worse back then. We didn’t have the Hunter-Killers. The Japanese had not invented the New Atmospheric Miracle. Human nerves were slower than light speed. All he had was a lot of worthless fiat currency in search of Fiats. Or, as he found it, a Dodge Michigan.

The Dodge Michigan is a product of Chrysler Corporation becoming delaminated even more than usual during the Cocaine Era. They thought: Japanese people love front-wheel drive cars. They thought: Japanese people love foreign luxury cars. They thought: we should sell them a 1986 Dodge Aries with fancy tail lights. They were wrong.

It took several months for Saito to convince the shaken inspectors that it was even a real car, ultimately choosing to purchase the inspection corporation through a shell company and having the former executives forcibly uploaded to the Heavens.

Friends: the 2.2 litre iron block shit-stirrer sitting comfortably inside the Michigan as it left its depressing American hometown for the promised land of the Pacific Rim did not last long. “Inefficient,” the tax authorities claimed, and penalized Saito. Here’s the thing about being the adopted child of Japan’s richest bearded-lady fetishist: you’ve had enough “original” for your entire life. It came out. The 13B Mazda rotary from a Roadpacer went in. And just to stick it in Uncle Nippon’s eye, a couple turbochargers. American, of course, built in one of the last surviving sentient manufactories before the Exultation.

By the time the authorities had recovered from their database failure and machine-mind emotional cascade collapse, I was on the ground in Haneda to meet my step-bro for some extremely complicated coffee. I didn’t expect what I’d be getting picked up in.

Somehow, he’d managed to hire folks to Sawzall actual subway hanger straps from the Chicago e-line, complete with the internal structure to retain the rails. It was pasted from stem to stern with imported industrial grit, ground into the carbon fibre’s centimetre thick bass boat clear in lieu of mica flake. And the tires were wide enough, secured in tripled-up Trans Am (the series, not the model) box overfenders, that two members of the Highway Code committee resigned in protest rather than be pushed into making an exception for what Saito’s humourless and unpredictably violent lobby group described as “experimental aircraft.”