#excuse me while i go and start crying
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At last, he was no longer doomed, and she was still so lovely.
– jem about tessa, forever fallen
#jessa#excuse me while i go and start crying#this has to be one of the most heartwrenching jessa quotes WHICH IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING#jessa actually have some of the most devastating lines huh. Like we also have “i was meant to love you all i did was shorten your life”#and “you are a reminder of everything i am losing”#they really didn’t hold back#jem carstairs#tessa gray#gotsm#forever fallen#i can’t do this#tid
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Jackie died. Jackie died and I'm devastated. I will never be the same person again
#I had to pause the game to bawl my eyes out#I WAS SO INVESTED IN HIM ARE YOU KIDDING ME#I think I get what you're trying to say to me game. is it worth it to put yourself in danger#and destroy yourself for a chance at a fame that you probably won't even get to enjoy#because you won't be there to see it?#is it worth it to break the hearts of the people you love in this pursuit? the people who'll grieve you?#I mean it's part of the first question that dex asks you when this whole thing starts and the last thing he says to you is also about that#about whether you wanna live a peaceful life or. go out like this#I get that. if that's what it's going for I get that. it gets the point across I'm not angry. but also#THAT WAS MY FRIEND#JACKIE MY FRIEND JACKIE 😭#WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DIED OF BLOOD LOSS THIS IS BULLSHIT#I'm never getting over this#sleep.txt#cp2077#jackie welles#OK OK HOLD ON I have more to say. I wanna expand on that jdjfkdkf bc I have Thoughts. especially playing corpo v like#I think the whole thing hit me even harder as corpo bc you get to see a sort of parallel situation with your v#where you had all this renown and respect but it came at a great cost. so great it nearly killed you#and then you go through that again and now you're dying and your friend is dead#and it's all in the pursuit of fame and money#that scene in the car when they're heading for the hotel reminded me so much of that initial scene with v#when you get in your fancy car and sip your fancy champagne#and like 10 minutes later nearly get killed by people from arasaka#I think there might be a point to be made there. about jackie heading towards the same kind of life just with a different coat of paint#being seduced by the same things we were seduced by while accepting the cost without fully understanding it#and then when you're faced with it it's. well it's heartbreaking and life ending#self destruction in the pursuit of something that makes you wonder if it was even all that worth it to begin with#viktor vektor is probably the happiest person I've met so far and that's saying something#anyway rant over. ty for your time I'm gonna go cry over jackie in the corner excuse me
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a sad day for farleigh fans everywhere
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currently emotional over how rogue one-era cassian probably never thought that he personally had or could have or even deserved to have a future
#cassian andor#*ugly crying emoji*#yes he has hope but he's also devoted himself to the fight and at that point I honestly don't think he expects to survive it#he fights for others. for people he will never even know. excuse me while I weep#and then Jyn comes along and hits him completely unprepared#because if there was time and of there was the opportunity I think he would have started imagining a future for himself#and found his will to live again maybe#cuz look at that man and tell me he keeps going for anything other than the fight and the goal#he will sacrifice himself and he is more at peace with that than with surviving. with an *after*.#and the most heartbreaking thing is I think Jyn at the beginning of the movie is much the same#a part of her has given up and is surviving solely out of spite
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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watched logan and what?? what the fuck???
i am. sobbing.
but also??? they just die?? just like that????
#wasn't invested most of the movie because this is clearly a worst case scenario universe#however i hit the end and she turned the cross over on his grave and i started bawling#because someone somewhere told her about god#and who knows what they said but whatever it was didn't help her#wolverine did#wolverine gave her hope and then delivered#he saved her#and that's what she believes in now#logan howlett#logan#wolverine#laura x23#excuse me while i go cry
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Feeling emo as I reply to the comments on my latest fic. I'm so grateful for the Lokius community. I'm blown away by any and all engagement my fics get, but when someone takes the time out of their day to leave a comment, it's so motivating.
As someone that's only just started to learn how to write, your words of excitement and support is immeasurable and grately appreciated.
So if you've ever left me a comment, reblogged a post i've made about my fic and added things in the tags, or replied to any of my wip wednesdays/seven sentence sundays, THANK YOU.
I've been writing for myself because I love Loki & Mobius with all my heart, but to know that I get to share these little stories with such enthusiastic, lovely people means the world to me.
#excuse me while i go cry#i started a new job so i’m feeling emotionally vulnerable#i feel like i've found my people here#i'm so grateful#abbi talks
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Man imagine whining because I called you a moron when you’re in fact being a moron
#personal#like. do you expect me to dance around the subject when that shit is as plain as day?? fuckin loser#being perceived as ‘a mean person’ should be the LEAST of your concerns#mr. I Won’t Disclose That I Have A Girlfriend While I’m Fucking Around With People#mr. I Will Continue To Call This Person A Princess Even Though That Person Is A Trans Man And He Told Me To Stop#mr. I Refuse To Look Inward And Change My Dickheaded Behavior And Instead Continue Being Verbally Abusive Towards This Same Person#mr. I’m Gonna Whine And Cry At My Echo Chamber Fanbase About Being Called On My Bullshit#because if people thinking you’re a big meanie at minimum is gonna make you pout then you’re gonna be REAL sad if I tell you exactly what’s#going on in my head every time I think about you#and he HAS no excuse to say ‘ohhh arsenic is this arsenic is that wahhhh’ because I was singing your praises for a long ass time#I did not have any reason to be this pissed until he started acting like an ass. and he’s SUPRISED that people think he’s an ass.#I’m sorry it’s just. I legitimately have never been this pissed at someone before#so infuriating to watch your loved one getting shit flung at him by some dumbass guy who refuses to pull his head outta his ass#gonna go down the salted earth route with this dude one of these days if he doesn’t cut this shit out#his fanbase is already fucking with my friend’s income because they think he’s a closeted racist when they have no fuckin proof of that shit#and do I need at fuckin say that the person who initially made said accusation is a white person? and my friend is a poc? and I’m ALSO a poc#and so is our OTHER friend#over some wolfwood art of all things! ‘wahhhh he isn’t being drawn how I like’ then fuckin scroll past that shit and stop bitching#fuck man.
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GALE PROPOSED
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#FUCK WHAT A GAME#WHAT AN ENDING#I'M NOT CRYING#I AM#holy shit#that's all i can say#what a fucking game#excuse me while i sob about rain finally being free of everything#free of bhaal free of the tadpole#free to choose his own life for once#AND HE'LL BE STARTING IT AS RAIN DEKARIOS IN WATERDEEP#karlach did die which fucked me up#but i didn't want to tell her to go back to hell when it was the last thing she wanted#orpheus became a mind flayer and rain killed him after it all#lae'zel took his dragons and went to free the githyanki from vlaakith#fel's bg3
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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yesss finally went to confession today and stayed after for mass and received the Eucharist for the first time since august. just as i was going up to receive i got a horrible stabbing pain in my eye and was like Don’t Even Try It The Devil
#i drank champagne before a wedding i was a bridesmaid in and then I took communion at the wedding mass and i went to Sunday mass and took it#again and then I was like oh shoot I broke the fast and then I received again#and I wasn’t sure if that was even a sin because it was so unintentional (we all in the bridal party did the same thing)#and the priest was like yeah i mean considering how long wedding masses are unless you were chugging it in the parking lot you probably had#an hour and also you forgot you didn’t do it on purpose but also don’t drink before a wedding. but also you probably were fine and shouldn’#have gone weeks without communion#and everything in my life started going downhill specifically when i stopped receiving (still going to mass obvi)#so maybe that will make things better#i mean it’s already better in that im back to receiving which itself is a great gift#he also said i should try to go to confession more and was like I know father I’m sorry but I live so far away and I don’t have a car and#the person who used to drive me to confession is the one making me sad! (Because I was saying stuff re: my current interpersonal problems)#I was like sorry it’s not an excuse it’s just funny! while crying in the confessional booth#Sorry father#Sorry sorry sorry
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Ant-Mun stops in her tracks, completely taken off guard by the gesture. It’s been a long time since she’s received affection like that. Hugs, sure, she gets quite a few. But this? She’s forgotten what kind of comfort can come from that.
She sighs and smiles softly, at peace for the time being before pulling Tony in a hug. She can’t help it. “No, my friend, thank you. For all of it.” @stxrksarc
#excuse me while i go cry in a corner#for the ant mun#like what a way to start the morning#Tony and Iron Mun we don’t deserve you both#stxrksarc#tony stark#Tony always seems to know what somebody needs#it’s a superpower on its own#math bros#mun bros
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honestly don't know if I even want to mail this bag I'm making for my mom to her because I am so sick and tired of putting in so much extra effort and time and money into people who just can't give the same back.
#it isnt just about my mom either#i dont know how to talk to my partner or if this is going to last#because i am so tired of doing everything in this relationship and even asking for something for xmas is like. too much i guess#knowing they have way more money than me and dont even want to get me something i asked for 30$ while i have no savings and got them#something they begged for for 60$ ... its not about the money either tho like. we dont go on dates we dont have dedicated time#cause they refuse to do anything i want to do because i dont want to just sit at home and play videogames#not to mention i work 40+ hrs a week and still have to do all the chores even though theyre right there#i do all the cooking all the grocery shopping since they wont leave the house#i take care of all yhe animals while they sleep. literally#but how can i say anything. cause any time i say anything they just get upset and start crying and it never changes#same with their job they dont get paid on time and don't do anything but cry and doesn't listen when I say to stop working for their parent#cause they dont like any other job out there and doesnt want to even draw and just giving excuses all the time about literally everything#what do i say im so tired at this point i dont even know how to vring it up
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Catching up on missed messages and seeing my best friend of 6 years sent me a cute little video of that one Bang Bang! animation meme saying that’s what trying to befriend me in high school felt like
#sobbing#they had it out for me#but like. knowing they deliberately went out of their way to try to be friends with me#when I was a very closed off person who didn’t even like them at first (they know this)#for them to keep worming their way into my life and heart#I’m in tears#I’m feeling so emotional thinking about them#I love them so much#now excuse me while I go cry cuz I’ve started thinking about all the friends I have the privilege of knowing and loving#moose posting#moose rambles
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each week (and each month) I am like 'this is the week I get to chill and be calm' and of course it never is
#angsti rambles#september was atrocious trainwreck of a month#I was supposed to have a long weekend the next one#but I am going out with a friend and I was invited to a dinner out#and I am panicking because it's with a guy#and I am not interested in him#like my therapist told me to 'never say never' but idk#the whole situation makes me nervous#so ahem pray for your girl#on top of this - although I don't get paid yet for it - my professor suggested for me to start my phd work#while I am working full time#so ahem... excuse me while I cry in overwhelmed
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i am having a genuine core memory type of bad day today like serious SERIOUS things are going down and i missed a flight because genuine life changing events are happening and got put on standby for another which got delayed multiple times til i would’ve missed my connecting flight home and anyways it was overbooked so i didn’t make it on, and then now five hours after they left me at the airport im finally heading home and i was like “well at least i can eat the fries i bought that i didn’t get to eat yesterday” but my useless cousin who has not only been completely useless through this weeks long ordeal but has also been making things worse stepped in and ate the whole giant box of fries cause he “thought we were leaving” even though my mom clearly left half her stuff behind at the house and told him we did not make our flight so she was going to stay in town and try and get me home and also this whole situation (except for the fries) is straight up my fault cause i didn’t wanna get out of bed for 20 minutes when we woke up and like normally this would be fine especially since i went to bed at 2 am packing suitcases and then had to wake up at 7 and also slept super poorly anyways but i still have no self discipline and everything has gone wrong because of that
#i should be freshly showered and in bed right now having a good cry#i’m genuinely seething at my cousin btw we keep asking him to do the most basic things and he makes some excuse#and then it turns out to be a lie#like my cousin is stronger/bigger than i am so my mom wanted his help w the suitcases#and we went out for one last dinner last night but he kept telling my mom he wanted to go home and sleep bc his job starts early#and getting irritated at her when she tried to take two minutes to finish eating#anyways we went home early and he did not go to bed. we could hear him gaming and yelling at the computer til we went to bed at 2 am#and his job starts at 3 am so he can’t have actually been worried about sleeping#oh he also just didn’t go to work and this is like a repeated occurrence#and he didn’t bother seeing us off to the airport or wake up til like 11#when i called him saying we needed him to bring my passport and it was an emergency#idk this all seems like super trivial but my mom is straight up handling a tragedy alone#i won’t deny that i haven’t really been useful but i’ve been coming along everywhere on top of remote working from here#meanwhile he’s kinda just been at home gaming and not leaving his room#i can kind of excuse his brother who’s also been at home but he’s also like super obviously been prepping for a super rough final and idk#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. can you at least have some decency and like#try not to pile more work on my mother who is dealing with one of the worst things that can happen to her#and try to use your parents not being around as an excuse to run around town with your friends#while lying to my mom and saying you need to sleep or work or yeah you’ll be straight home (you’re going for lunch with your buds)#i mentioned something about how i’ve spent time with him instead of my friends when he’s visiting us and he was like ‘you have friends?’#i don’t know man i can’t cry in bed i can’t sleep cause they keep the house cold#basic functioning is making me miserable with the brain issues i don’t know what to do#cause if i go home im going to be in the exact same situation just#with a better bathroom and a guitar and feeling useless and sad because i can’t help#anyways i need to text my boss to let her know no shot i can make it tomorrow#which feels awful cause i was supposed to get back A WEEK AGO i had to extend i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here
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