#excluding myself lmao
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Hey, does anyone want to feel really old right about now?
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niche interest
#vent art#vent post#might delete this later idk#just been feeling like my work is falling off#and also very excluded recently by friend groups#partially due to my hyperspecific niche interests that no one else knows about lmao#legit holding a glock to my head to keep myself from considering dropping my comic all together#cuz the feeling of being excluded from cool shit burns a hole in my mental health#just wish i had someone to rant about it to without judgement
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also in terms of the bolas playlist it's fascinating to me that the songs added by each person have a slight tendency to represent a consistent aspect of bolas
like
the songs added by slime are their chaos
the songs added by philza are their rebellion
the songs added by cellbit are their rage
the songs added by baghera are their anguish
it's so fucking FASCINATING TO ME but i don't know enough music theory to elaborate lmfao this is Vibes Only
(mouse's songs i can't boil down to an easy noun which is why they aren't mentioned lmao anyway they go hard asf)
(also i went on the longest fucking unhinged elaboration in the tags lmfao i almost didn't have enough tags left to tag "long tags" at the end
(i could have even gone on longer in terms of where their characters were at entering purgatory [philza: cage for a cage; cellbit: fed worker murders; baghera: her past as a federation experiment; slime: turning into a code because of the code pretending to be his daughter] but i ran out of space and also time it's 4AM AAAAA)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#this is a sweeping generalization btw esp for baghera's she added a WIDE variety of music#qsmp bolas#sorry i forgot that tag existed lmao#i will elaborate slightly:#slime added: find your flame; gas gas gas extended; waltz of the meatball man; foghorn sound effect#philza added: b.y.o.b.; throne; the melting point of wax#cellbit added: hayloft II; brazilian dança phonk (which roier literally played during purg while beating the shit out of bbh lmao)#baghera added: can you feel my heart; still waiting; and coincidentally she added 'it's been so long' (the fnaf song lol)#TO BE CLEAR THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS#baghera also added the government knows [REBELLION] and oops [CHAOS]#philza added given up [ANGUISH]#cellbit added zombie [ANGUISH] and tokyo drift [CHAOS]#slime added as above so below [ANGUISH]#it's not a perfect category; ESPECIALLY for baghera's songs i want to make that so clear in these tags#HOWEVER. it is interesting.#anyway i went after lyrics for these examples but just generally when going through the playlist the first time#i kind of learned that like.#music to murder to was probably cellbit; punk millenial music was probably philza#the wackiest shit was probably slime (was shocked to find out tokyo drift was a cellbit song for this reason lmao)#baghera's i usually could only pin down bc it didn't sound like anyone else's#and mouse's added songs i could not describe the vibe if you threatened me for it but it has one#i guess the closest vibe is 'a college radio station run by anime fans' and even then it's not that close#it kinda excludes songs like the b//ad bun//ny songs#unless college anime fans are also fans of them in which case great!#IDK IT'S 4 AM I WAS JUST MAKING MYSELF SAD ABOUT TILIN I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP#shut up vic#block game brainrot#long tags
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i'll survive, i'll survive
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#doodles#pink space#[EXPLODES]#i have Thoughts and Feelings about the main cast of this story lmao#//also i have Got to just let myself do this au natural hvsh#it just looks better and i like it more when it emulates my traditional style more :>#the wonky lines and the shortcuts and the laziness are KEY. this you must understand hvfbhs#//because you grow up and you grow up and you grow up and you don't get it but you'll live it over and over#that's life !! [frank sinatra fades into the background]#it's being a byproduct and not understanding that being a Part does not exclude the possibility of being Separate#!!!! thoughts#/anyway. would also be sick if i could actually work on this but baby steps man baby steps lol :3 [<- has been toddling for 3 years and goi#strong]#//anyway i feel like this might need to be tagged but idk!! let me know thank youu okay toodles :D <3
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OC Meme
B A S I C S
Full name: Lariel Aldonlel
Gender: Cis woman
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: She/Her
O T H E R
Family: Twin Brother: Zrise Aldonlel, Mother: Ordielau Ellvesem, Half Brother: Valondriel Ellvesem, Step Father: Thohan Ellvesem, Grandfather: Ianthos Aldonlel. Family they don't know. Father: Banom, Half Sister: Nelka, Half Brother: Korek, Step Mother: Desha, Half Sister: Elowen
Birthplace: Nerosyan; Mendev
Job: Noble Lady
Phobias: Crowds, Public Speaking, Large Dogs
Guilty Pleasures: Eating sweets, long baths, romance novels, buying expensive luxuries
Hobbies: Playing the harp, painting, drawing, embroidery
M O R A L S
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Sins: Pride, Sloth
Virtues: Charity, Kindness
T H I S O R T H A T
Introvert / Extrovert / In between
Organized / Disorganized / In between
Close-minded / Open-minded
Calm / Anxious / Restless
Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between
Cautious / Reckless / In between
Patient / Impatient / In between
Outspoken / Reserved / In between
Leader / Follower / Flexible
Empathetic / Un-empathetic / In between
Optimist / Pessimist / Realist
Traditional / Modern / In between
Hard-working / Lazy / In between
R E L A T I O N S H I P S
OTP: NA (Hard to describe, but I consider their Commander as Companion more canon than either of them as Commander at this point so idk man)
Acceptable Ships: I simply can't list the friend oc's. So for canon characters: Lariel/Woljif, Lariel/Lann, Lariel/Seelah, Lariel/Arue, Lariel/KC
Brotp: Lariel/Seelah, Lariel/Woljif, Lariel/Lann, Lariel/Arue, Lariel/Aivu, Lariel/Ember, Lariel/KC
____________
B A S I C S
Full name: Zrise Aldonlel
Gender: Cis man
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: He/Him
O T H E R
Family: Twin Sister: Lariel Aldonlel, Mother: Ordielau Ellvesem, Half Brother: Valondriel Ellvesem, Step Father: Thohan Ellvesem, Grandfather: Ianthos Aldonlel. Family they don't know. Father: Banom, Half Sister: Nelka, Half Brother: Korek, Step Mother: Desha, Half Sister: Elowen
Birthplace: Nerosyan; Mendev
Job: Inquisitor of Calistria
Phobias: Deep water, confined spaces, the afterlife
Guilty Pleasures: Drinking alcohol alone, people watching, returning to old books, procrastinating
Hobbies: Working out/Training, gardening (He works too much for real hobbies...) Worshipping his Goddess
M O R A L S
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Sins: Wrath, Envy, Lust
Virtues: Diligence
T H I S O R T H A T
Introvert / Extrovert / In between
Organized / Disorganized / In between
Close-minded / Open-minded
Calm / Anxious / Restless
Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between
Cautious / Reckless / In between
Patient / Impatient / In between
Outspoken / Reserved / In between
Leader / Follower / Flexible
Empathetic / Un-empathetic / In between
Optimist / Pessimist / Realist
Traditional / Modern / In between
Hard-working / Lazy / In between
R E L A T I O N S H I P S
OTP: NA (Hard to describe but I consider their Commander as Companion more canon than either of them as Commander at this point so idk man)
Acceptable Ships: I simply can't list the friend oc's. So for canon characters: Zrise/Camellia, Zrise/Daeran, Zrise/Wenduag, Zrise/KC (mostly as a joke but Zrise/Ramien)
Brotp: Zrise/Greybor, Zrise/Nenio, Zrise/KC
#oc: zrise#oc: lariel#lariel lore#zrise lore#tag game#no one asked but#guilty pleasures is hard because it's what characters don't want others to know#lmao#the friend oc’s is just I don’t want to embarrass myself LMAO#also don’t want anyone to feel excluded#look at Lariel have two technically not romanceable companions on her list…..#I’m repurposing elowen#taking her from bg3 and combining her with the before Lariel hex-blood 5e character I made#here I am also repurposing all my bg3 stuff for pathfinder#because I’m over forgotten realms#sorry everyone#I’m over it
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are there any classics (whatever your definition of that is, actually) that have strong aro/ace/queerplatonic relationship vibes?
#aromantic#asexual#queerplatonic#i'm writing a fanfic where different couples are represented by different queer classics#and i wanna make a point about how aro/ace people are just kind of excluded#except that means i wrote myself into a corner bc what book am i supposed to use to illustrate the point that there are none lmao#like i think there has to be something but idk what to look for#don't judge my researching skills please#someone please answer#oooooh i just thought of little women somebody commented on my fic that jo has strong aroace vibes
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asking honestly: how do we address conspiratorial thinking in this fandom without people getting their feelings hurt?
#like. i am struggling to strike a balance here as i approach year 4 in this space lmao.#i want to stop making salty posts but i also from experience know people get Mad when you try to argue with them in good faith.#and if people just said they were just here for fun that wouldn't bother me.#but A Lot of people on here fancy themselves hobby historians (not excluding myself here)#no: the topic at hand is not that serious#but: in that case you also cant be offended at people disagreeing with you. the Its Not That Serious!!! sword cuts both ways#and: in the Current Climate one just.... thinks this type of rhetoric may end up seeping into more important aspects of life#and also: people regularly complain about their analysis being better than that of published authors#and express frustration with the fact they're dismissed or taken less seriously.#and. tbh i think some people don't really Get why people disagree with them#because calling everything you dislike homophobia or naïve is not in fact very constructive#discourse#fiona.docx
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i have fully convinced myself that s15 will be the final season of bob's burgers and they didnt get renewed so in my head now they did a table read for the final bobs burgers episode Ever and invited every secondary character voice actor back for the episode. Except gene and bob's voice actors who of course are being gatekept and are not allowed within 50 feet of the building
#imagine being the voice actor for a main character and being excluded out of the final table read..... I would be pissed LMAO 😭#none of this is backed up by anything im just saving myself from the inevitable heartbreak of the bb cancellation#also because usually they would have announced by now if it was renewed beyond s15#but the strikes might have pushed back some things WHO KNOWS#i think they're just doing a random table read i dont even think it COULD be the final s15 episode yet#txt#bob's burgers
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Wrote out a big long phone call rant to have with my mother later because as much as I hate it she is my closest irl spiritual confidant 👍 here’s hoping her response to ‘hey I’ve been spiritually depressed and disconnected for like 8 months and for some reason these last two weeks advocating for Palestine has me feeling alive and burning with divine passion and love in a way I’ve never felt before in my life’ isn’t like. ‘Talk to your psyche abt your meds hun’
#ra speaks#personal#religion#oh god these tags got out of hand. look away I’m rambly today.#outing myself as deeply spiritual and devout on main oops#‘aren’t you gay and trans and -‘ listen Israel the person received that name after literally wrestling with gd in the desert#I’m allowed to put my faith leaders in a spiritual headlock for past and present crimes while I live my joyful life#maybe a physical headlock too. I’m down to body slam some wueerphobic racist pos who claim to be faithful while never exercising such faith#also lmao of the idea of a queer leftist being deeply spiritual makes you uncomfortable…bro everything about me makes ppl uncomfortable#I’m bi gender I consider myself a trans gay man and a nonbinary dyke at the same time. I’m disabled and ugly and autistic. im not palatable#accept the inherent apparent contradictory nature of the varied human experience and move on.#sorry thought about that post complaining abt observant jews being excluded from the conversations about queer jews like#you don’t have to get it. you don’t have to think it’s real! but it’s real to me! it’s important to me!#so are you gonna be my transphobic uncle and call me sick and deluded the same way he talks about trans people?#or are you gonna keep your mouth shut accept that you don’t have to understand someone to respect them and move on with your life.#anyways uh. here’s hoping I don’t lose my voice or start crying like I did while typing the script up.#vocational woes
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i love everyone who voted yes on the putting on a sso song at a party/roadtrip cause i hope you know i was imagining like. An alcohol, weed and hooking up in someone's bedroom type of party and i just threw roadtrip with friends in there to make it more family friendly. Yes, i will blast Lisa Peterson's I'll Be There as i do shots in the bathroom with a stranger i'll be kissing later on in the evening, and i'm not gonna apologize for it
#i feel like i shot myself in the foot with the phrasing but i also didnt wanna go out guns blazing yknow what i mean#like there's kids here and people who don't drink#didnt wanna exclude anyone and i ended up making it far too general LMAO
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i had to spend all of college getting smug, condescending warnings from comp sci people that my english major was “unemployable” and oh look how smart they are for choosing a major with such good job opportunities. and now graduation as come and gone and me and my strong humanities background, complex reasoning skills, and carefully honed writing ability have a living-wage, fulfilling job on a prestigious career track. and a lot of those comp sci majors are unemployed because the market has shit itself. its almost like the economic future is in some ways a black box and you should do what you like and are good at rather than hanging all your hopes on the assumption that the job market in 2019 will be the same as the job market in 2024
#and for people who genuinely love and are passionate about computer science i do feel really bad about the turn things have taken#and the people who are the most vulnerable to layoffs in these industries are those who have been historically excluded#but there was a large subset of people my age who self admittedly did not care about compsci but thought they were gaming job security#by pursuing it anyways#and are now miserable bc they have a degree they hated completing and no job prospects to show for it#and it was this large subset that were consistently assholes to me about my humanities pursuits#its almost like im a highly competent person and by playing to my strengths rather than forcing myself into a box i dont fit into#i will be able to make it work lmao#also probably goes w/o saying but basically everyone in this ‘’large subset’’ im describing are smug techbros#which is why im comfortable with a little schadenfreude#and again i have nothing but sadness and empathy for the women and minorities who are continuing to get boxed out of tech
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fall out boy is insane for this giveaway. ALL THE MERCH ON TOUR????? PHOTO WITH THE BAND??????
#the crynyl and tix whatever cool but the other parts????????#i will kill myself#glad it didn’t exclude canada even tho there’s only one tour date LMAO#shut up kelci
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i think id sell my soul to feel welcome in a friend group
#vent tag#vent in tags#cw vent#its not even a Them problem anymore i think its my fault#im too quiet and awkward and nobody really notices my presence or cares to do that#i tried putting on makeup and losing weight to see if appeareance was tje problem#didnt work LMAO am i that repugnant#my mom tells me everytime that its a me problem and that i exclude myself#but everytime i speak in my school friend group everyone ignores me or shuts up#i dont want this anymire#i dint want this i hate this
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wrote that new topmew fic very quickly and now i'm not really happy with it (there's an inaccuracy that i don't actually want to get rid of dfslkdjf) but now i don't know what to work on >:(
#two gifsets are calling my name but i'm kind of stuck#bc i deleted some PSDs that would have come in handy so i'm grumpy with myself lol#tiee ep10 is stalled because that episode is annoying lol#i think the forcebook fic wants to be written more than the topmews#but i don't have a beginning yet or a pov#i like a third person limited but idk where to start#probably going to work on original work rather than fanfic but we'll see#as much as i was like I NEED TO WRITE TOPMEW FANFIC NOW!!!!!! i kind of don't want to now lol#they're kind of hard to write?#like don't get me wrong i'm still annoyed with what the writers did there at the end but i also slightly understand the predicament#especially with book's input it may have been hard to juggle what to include and what to exclude#in fact it kind of seems like they only added book's ideas but didn't bother take/alter anything else? bc there's some stuff where i'm like#mew would straight up not do that lol#so the way that translates into fic is trying to figure out what to include/exclude since the way they wrote him was kind of inconsistent#which i was big mad about at the end#but now i'm a little more resigned like. the turnover for these dramas is insane#and workshopping is really short so i can see why some holdovers from earlier drafts might not have made as much sense based on how the#characters changed through different iterations from the directors and actors#but that doesn't make some of the contrivances suddenly not annoying lmao#anyway reply with an emoji if you read this far jdljsfld#rum.txt
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top 5 oboe concertos 👀
kalliwoda. yes i am counting it even though it's labelled a concertino. idc. it's great and i love it
mozart. yes i know this answer is Basic. but if it was good enough for flutes to steal it's good enough for this list
marcello. i have a soft spot for baroque, sue me. also if this counts then the kalliwoda definitely does. play it in c minor if you're a real one
strauss. idk i just like strauss
vaughan williams. honestly not my thing to play but with the orchestra accompaniment it really is something special to listen to
also honorable mention has to go out to the grunge concerto by scott mcallister. i heard someone play two movements of this at oboe camp a couple summers ago and it's like...the concentrated essence of contemporary composition. it is So
[ask meme]
#sasha speaks#ask meme#sleepover saturday#nablah#ty!#limited myself to oboe and excluded EH here but if i didn't know that the fiala EH and clarient concerto would be on this list#this was tough! i don't actually listen to or play concerti that much. i am very much not a soloist#(<- says the person playing kalliwoda for her recital next month. and played the donizetti EH concertino for the competition last fall.)#(well the rest of my recital material is chamber music. and i have a collab piano major accompanying the kalliwoda.#so i won't be alone up there. i always play better when i have someone to play with anyway)#and tbh once you push past like. the 1840s. a lot of solo oboe rep starts to lose me...#idk i just do not stylistically Get a lot of late romantic and modern stuff from a musicality pov#like it's lovely to listen to but i have such a hard time interpreting it in my own playing#i had a haaard time learning the vaughan williams. i gave up on it ngl. not for me#and i'm not really into a lot of modern concerti. i think they tend to prioritize crazy technique over like...sounding good#and i'm in it for the musicality anyway not the technique. no one will call me a virtuoso by any stretch and i am fine with that#anyway. the grunge concerto gets an honorable mention cause it kind of broke my brain when i first saw it performed lmao#the third mvt is titled 'headbanging' and when i heard it i was like. wow. someone invented metal for oboe. finally#anyway albrecht mayer has an album called Lost And Found that's just a bunch of lesser known 18th century oboe and EH concerti#and i'm obsessed with it. i would list all of those here but that's cheating since...i mean they're Extremely Classical and they all#kiiind of sound the same lmao. but idc!! classical is my bread and butter i LOVE that shit#i really ought to get the sheets to some of those and learn em myself. and the strauss too. finally a late romantic i can get behind...#well my eyes were on something fiala next i think. so we'll see#oboeposting#LONG RAMBLING IN THE TAGS. sorry lmao. i have a lot of thoughts#sorry goossens but i don't care about you <3 idc if you win competitions i'm keeping kalliwoda
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something something about how the rings not just symbolised Yuuri and Victor's bond and was not just an omamori for them something something Victor was the first person Yuuri wanted to hold on to and share his dreams with and depend on after fighting for so long ALONE something something the rings symbolising this exact same thing something something about how Yuuri's arc still is wonderful even when he didn't win the gold because he finally learnt to actually depend on people, share his dreams and aims with them and not fight alone which is something he struggles with for the whole show
#yuri on ice ///#I am not sure about how to intrepret the whole of yuuri's arc but that's purely because I've watched the show only once#It always felt a bit off to me when the whole winning gold was a bit rushed in the last episode#And of course you could blame that on the pacing and you could say that there was flaws in the writing/the writers got confused#I've seen multiple posts about it and while I personally disagree I do think it is a valid interpretation#But I want to work with what DID happen in canon so I can be at peace with the episode lol#I choose to intrepret his arc as being one where he learns to not beat himself up over his failures (In lack of a better way to phrase it)#His anxiety plays a huge factor in it too though#One could argue that maybe winning gold would've given him that final push in believing that he is in fact extraordinary and not just#A dime a dozen skater (and I think that would have been wonderful too!)#And yeah they could have made him win gold AND have him not retire! But I don't think what we got in canon is inherently bad writing#(I mean excluding the scoring which from what I hear was inaccurate? But it doesn't bother me because Idk anything about scoring lmao)#Or maybe it's because this is a lesson I personally am struggling to learn and accept - that regardless of whether you win or not you#can and should strive to be better and better without losing hope#also a bit related to this but to me the emotional climax in the finale was actually Yuuri's free skate and him breaking the record#It was what further cemented my#thoughts about Yuuri's arc being about him and his need to be satisfied with his skating regardless of winning or losing#also fyi the takes I talked about aren't inherently ones I came across lol I just was thinking of various counter points#The whole reason I am writing this si because I want to understand this whole thing myself gdishsjshdh so writing it down seems like a good#thing#n rambles#Also hopefully this post doesn't show up in tags djsbdjbdjd
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