#except there aren't actually very many implications it seems

[strxnged]

oh fuck! i'm an adult now. funny

[franki-lew-yo]

James and the Giant Peach is still (mostly) for young children

Despite a single pre-metoo joke and it's uncanny-ish artstyle that's a serious make-or-break-you factor on if you like it, James and the Giant Peach is aggressively a movie for young children. I personally like it as I never find it a patronizing sit for little kids, like Don Bluth's movies from the 90s so often were, but that really is what I think alienates people; the intended audience may be a bit too scared of the visuals (NOT like how they are with TNBC, which kids go in expecting to be scary) where the adult audience who is here for the 'creepy stop-motion' feel like the movie is lacking for not being Nightmare or Coraline, which is unfair. It absolutely scared me as a little little kid but upon finally facing it at, like ten or whenever it was on Cartoon Network's movie show, I realized there was nothing to fear. And that, in turn, was exhilarating. It's such good symmetry that the film is about facing your fears and standing up for yourself because that's exactly what my relationship with it was. It's such a comfort film for me. My og Bluey. JatGP, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Ernest and Celestine = perfect comfort after I watch something serious and/or disturbing.

Half my reason for trying to pied-piper everyone else towards it as it's own merit is I think James and the Giant Peach would hit hard for lovers of weirdcore and dreamcore ala Jack Stauber or @samsketchbook's 'Welcome to Our Dimensional Party'.

That "looks unsettling/potentially disturbing but actually cute or gentle" vibe pairs perfectly with dreamcore aesthetic. We're coming up on it's 30 year anniversary I hope to see a genuine resurgence. If I had it my way and I was Dan Olson I'd make an hour-long look at the movie, the original book and Henry Selick's filmography as a surrealist the way Dan made an hour-lookback at Bakshi's Lord of the Rings. But I'm not. Cause I'm not Dan Olson and I can't build up the nerve to either show my face or figure out how to make videos in two years.

But anyway, about the title of this post (content warning: downer nsfl stuff; mentioning of real life child ab*se cases):

James' life with his aunts hits VERY different when you're an adult and you've watched too much true crime.

It's not intentional on the part of Dahl or Henry Selick. Selick had Mariam and Joanna ham up the screen and they clearly loved every minute of it and Dahl I think was just trying to tell an 'authentic' type fairytale story where the main character has to escape their evil family. Point being- Spiker and Sponge are supposed to be 'evil for the sake of evil' villains who could only exist as hammy caricatures in an already weird story. They aren't supposed to be like the parents in Matilda or the Twits who I'd argue are a little more 'realistic' depiction of awful people...except for the fact that legal guardians like Spiker and Sponge DO actually exist.

There's a heavy implication in the film that no one else in their county even knows James lives with Spiker and Sponge (literally the only people around to recognize James' existence are the bugs when they first meet him!). His aunts seem to make James work out of frustration for having to take him in, like he's a burden and they're making him pay for being one by being their slave. They actively don't feed him except for rotting fish and then shame him for not eating it. The Lane Smith picture book implies that James' parents weren't killed by a rhino but rather it's Spiker and Sponge who put that idea in James' head and use it to control him. And all that BEFORE the beatings which you know are happening off screen.

After the horrifying cases of Ruby Franke, Sylvia Likens and the Turpins, the "every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves children" reality of it all makes you realize that James probably would have died if he lived with his aunts. Considering how they flip out on him in New York- that boy REALLY needed to escape, giant peach or no.

This is absolutely another reason for why JatGP is a comfort movie for grownups. You have this horrific childhood rescued by loving in-human parents who will kill everyone in the room and then themselves if you touch their human boy. It's like Opal but if Claire found a happier family. Of bugs. None of that was intentional, ftr, but it's what sticks out to me.

[sofiadragon]

A Note on Severus Snape as a Teacher

In Order of the Phoenix, Snape makes his O.W.L. warning speech the first day and says he expects the class to maintain his high-pass level. This implies that he has better statistics than previous professors, or perhaps he is comparing to equivalent tests at the other European magic schools. He makes other comments to this effect and nobody contradicts him. Harry takes the fact that Umbridge doesn't go after Snape so much as being because they are both horrible people, but he clearly hates her just as much as the rest of the staff and it seems she's scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to get something to hold against him. If he had poor statistics, an auditor type like that would have been all over it. Either way, the implication is that despite being an absolute trash fire of a person and tearing down student confidence as a hobby, he's managing to actually teach potions well.

I read so many fanfics that imply or directly state that the reason Harry isn't doing well in potions is because Snape is bad at the job: He never learned basic prep skills, Snape only shoots recipes up on the board and doesn't explain, all his lessons are practical with no lectures. I submit that this isn't the case. Never was, as we do hear about lectures even if the books aren't great at giving us any kind of sensible timetable. Harry is distracted in Potions by the hostile environment, and that is Snape's fault, but the curriculum as presented isn't the problem. It's the fact that the class is with the Slytherin students, and that Snape makes a lot of ad-hominem attacks instead of telling Harry or Neville exactly what went wrong. Harry, because he is the living embodiment of all Snape's trauma just walking around giving the man flashbacks. Neville, because Snape gave up on him rather quickly. That's bad, flat out, and he even grades Harry unfairly... but Harry is still learning the material.

In Half-Blood Prince, we can even see that if Harry could learn from a version of Snape who wasn't hostile to him for some reason, he'd do fantastically well. Unfortunately, nobody told Snape to go talk to a therapist after the war, and frankly with how he treats Harry's Gryffindor class that should have been made a requirement for keeping his job. Handle your trauma, do not give it to a new generation of kids.

This is not an excuse for the way he acts as a bully, but Harry being 'bad' at potions isn't because Snape isn't presenting the material to him correctly. When acting like a teacher instead of like a bully, Snape is clearly very good at his job. He puts his everything into it, and can have the high bar of only accepting O students into his N.E.W.T. classes because he has enough students getting Os that the school board never had to call him out for not having enough students in the class.

Finally, Harry isn't bad at potions! This is before grade inflation, look that up if you aren't familiar or have a very different school system to the UK. Getting a top-level grade in any class was HUGE. The tests are hard enough the average person would not know all the answers. I took a science exam in the 90's and placed 4th in my state. I'd gotten 2 questions completely wrong (I'll never forget the differences between types of clouds again) and it was better than the thousands of high-school kids who took the test, except for the one person who got 1 partly wrong and 2 people who got 1 question wrong. Nobody, and I mean nobody, got a perfect score that year. That's what these tests used to look like. Hermione is a BEAST. Harry and even Ron are doing great! Straight Cs (or As in the HP world) used be fine. Average, even, and you could graduate with Ds even if you might not want any potential employer knowing about that if it was relevant.

[rubberduckyrye]

Also is anyone else bothered by the timeline of DR as a whole in V3??

Like here's the thing that I'm annoyed by rn, and this is something I feel like the V3 class could have figured out on their own if they weren't busy with their narrative hate boner for Kokichi

In DR3 the Anime (which is canon to V3) Makoto and go are shown as young adults, who eventually go on to rebuild HPA after the world is finally back to normal. I'm assuming in this timeline the Dr1 and DR2 cast are even older.

Considering the casts of DR1 and 2 were young adults by the time their KGs started, we can safely assume that the DR1 cast was about 18 (at the youngest) to mid 20s (at the oldest) depending on how many years they were in HPA for and how long it took from them holding up in the academy for their KG to actually start (it seems to be implied they were in the academy for a long time but idk how long exactly)

Add a few years after DR3 Future Arc's main story to account for the world being rebuilt/for HPA to be rebuilt, and you're looking at a cast that could well be in their thirties by the time the V3 cast applies to HPA as students. Or at the bare minimum, mid twenties.

So here's the stinker: how in the FUCK was Kokichi supposed to be Junko's "right hand man"?

If Junko would be in her mid 20s at the youngest and in her 30s at the latest by the time Kokichi could even apply for HPA...

Okay. Let's say Junko at the youngest would have been 25 by the time the new HPA is built.

Kokichi could apply to HPA at the earliest, probably about 16 years old? Since there is that rule that he had to have been in a different high school first.

That would mean that Junko is nine years older than Kokichi at the youngest she could have been--and let me put that into perspective for you.

If Junko was 18ish when she broke the world, Kokichi would have been 9 years old.

Considering she didn't even view the WoH on the same level as her, either Kokichi was an extremely exceptional child she took advantage of and made him her right hand man, or the whole thing was absolutely bogus.

I know these are very rough estimates here, but realistically speaking, there is no world where the V3 class (aside from TDP and DRS of course) aren't all way younger than the DR1 and 2 cast

It just feels like this detail got swept under the rug because the writers forgot their own implications

[earthstellar]

love the canonical implication that Earthspark Bumblebee's current alt-mode is possibly just a mid life crisis sports car phase

I mean I'm in my 30s, I'm not shitting on him, it's relatable primarily because most of my friends are at least slightly younger than I am

the "Bee hanging out with the Terrans" vibe is very real

but I also like that we're seeing a slightly older version of Bee here. usually he's the youngest of the Autobots (in most TF shows, anyway), but here he's roughly equivalent to middle aged

The Terrans are the youngest, so we get to see a more mature Bee stepping up into a carer/educator role

Bee has never really been one of my favourite TF characters (which I mostly attribute to burn out caused by all the marketing which solely fixates on him lmao), but I like him in Earthspark for the most part!

He's still a little on the "still learning" side of things coming into his current role, but that's what allows for further character development, and we've already seen him build some good skills for dealing with/training the kiddo bots

IDK it's nice.

would be interesting if there's ever an episode where Alex and Dot are unavailable for a not-necessarily-bad reason (maybe one of them is accepting a professional award or something so both of them go together as a Nice Thing)

and suddenly Bumblebee is Parent of Many Sparklings (Plus Two Human Ones) for the weekend LMAO

how long until he gives in and calls someone for help? because that is a LOT of children

eventually he calls everyone but they're all busy, Arcee just laughs at him lol she's having Fun Battle Time with Elita-1 so neither of them can do it, finally Megatron shows up and instantly all the kids are like "yeah STORY TIME" and Bee gets a 10 min nap in until a perimeter alarm goes off or something (it was just a cow but now he is Stressed)

Optimus gradually shows up like ha ha! outdoors enrichment for the children is a great idea and Bee is just like "have you ever actually raised sparklings, you had troops but you don't have SPARKLINGS"

meanwhile in the background Hashtag is trying to explain the differences between various social media sites to Megatron, who is trying so hard to pretend like he cares, but is also busy trying to keep at least two of the others from putting their hands a little too deep in his transformation seams so they can climb on him (they just want to be Large)

idk I think a Single Parent Bee episode feat. Grandpa Megatron towards the end at one point would be fun, arguably they did this kind of vibe in the first half of S1 a bit already

but it would be interesting to see how Bumblebee would manage without any other adults for support for like a weekend in its entirety (save for maybe Megs at the end taking pity on him lmao)

there aren't many bots in what seems to be Bumblebee's general age range, except maybe Arcee but she gives the vibe of being a little older than he is, so real talk he'd probably feel a little more isolated and overtaxed than usual :(

but the kiddos would likely pick up on this and they could plot with Megs to try to do something nice for him!!! it would go poorly but that's OK!!!!

just thinkin' out loud

[all-pacas]

the FANFIC DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY: no mystery left

(because this is the one i was thinking about. bc reddit.)

OK, no idea how to do these things. Part of me is really tempted to pretend this is an actual director's commentary, you know, make a fake script, like here I am in a booth and we're doing a little watch along together. Right: Hi, I'm Helen. (We're doing the RP, ya'll)

So this was the first story I wrote for House. I think I did it in about two hours; most of it in one burst and then finishing it up. I have the bad habit of doing editing after posting, I'll just sit and re-read it until I spot errors or wording issues.

no mystery left alpacas

I kind of regret the title of this fanfic. It's called after a lyric from Portions for Foxes, which is kind of just my general Chase Soundtrack Song, which is why I chose it — except I kind of feel like I could have used it on something else, or picked something more fitting. But I don't hate the title either. I can never think of proper titles, I'm always stealing from songs. I've been trying to use as many Portions for Foxes lyrics as possible in my House fanfics.

"Who," House says grandly as Cuddy approaches, "ever heard of a diagnostics fellowship?" He's sitting in the hall by the elevators, ready to pounce. "Who ever heard of a diagnostics department?" she retorts distractedly. She slows. "You're hiring a fellow. Maybe even two, if you can find that many people who can stand you. This is a teaching hospital." House doesn't retort. She looks at him suspiciously and he twists his expression as if to suggest he has no idea what she's suspicious about. "Hire a fellow," she repeats. "That Treiber kid -"

This is a continuity error!! House actually did have fellows before Chase. This exchange really bothers me, but I've let it stand. I guess my excuse is that neither House or Cuddy say Chase will be your first fellow; House is just at a moment where he doesn't have any (also a continuity error, btw, Chase mentions meeting one in All In).

I… hadn't actually completed my watch of the show when I started this fanfic, which is where the error crept in. You'd think referencing S8-only Trier would imply I'd at least watched most of it, but no. I skipped ahead. I watched it coz the summary implied Chase Backstory.

He watches as she tries to enter before the doors close. A blond kid sticks out his arm to block them, flashes a thousand perfectly white teeth at her when she says thanks. Interesting.

I never have House refer to Chase by name in the story. This is meant to be the first time House sees (or hears of) him, and what he sees is Chase on a Charm Offensive towards Cuddy. Enough to pique his curiosity.

"I don't trust nurses." House keeps staring over Wilson's shoulder. The papers are too far away to read, but he can just make out the logo on the cover sheet. "Who does immigration paperwork in a hospital?" he asks.

This is still meant to be an accidental run-in. This is also shoddy immigration law, although I reference it in another fanfic too: as much as I like the idea Chase leveraged a 3 month holiday visa into a work visa, I'm pretty sure there is no way the department of immigration would let him. But I like how careless and sort of arrogant it seems. (very Rich Kid) Chase just assumes it'll all work out for him.

House flips a page in the rheumatology textbook he's examining. Trier tries not to fidget. "Classic power play," he blurts. "Read a book to show how little you care." House glances up.

Now House is actively researching Chase, probably because he also knows he's playing it fast and loose with his visa, and by implication is trying real hard to get a job by sucking up to Cuddy. I wish we'd had Trier more. I love everything about him. I love the idea that Chase just has a Nemesis in pathology. Like that one episode where he has to biopsy a dead baby? So funny if you imagine Trier is just off-camera and pissed Chase is in his department.

You're Dr. Thomas, aren't you?" the kid asks as the elevator starts to move. "Oh - I'm not a patient, don't worry." He smiles, sticks out his hand. "I'm interviewing for the surgical residency. Dr. Cuddy spoke highly of you. Rob Chase. Fantastic to meet like this - we're due to interview next week?" "Dr. Chase. Of course." Thomas clearly has no idea who the kid is but shakes his hand. The elevator dings. "Nice to meet you," the kid says, oozing charm, as Thomas exits. "Nice trick, Doogie," House says when the doors close. The kid jumps, noticing him for the first time. "Repetitive, though. Do you just hang out around the elevators waiting for your future bosses to climb aboard?"

I went back and forth on how Chase would introduce himself. We know his sister, at least, calls him Robbie, and even though the show itself is pretty consistent on calling him Robert, boy, can we agree that doesn't suit him? In my head, he started using his full name to "sound professional," but before House usually called himself Robbie or Rob. So he's not quite polished yet.

House is making a power play here, obviously. He's figured out Chase's game, and inserting himself into it just to let Chase know he's been caught: Chase is trying to "accidentally" charm his way into being hired. Also, something about him asking if Chase waits for his future bosses on elevators, House being on an elevator…

He turns on the kid, who stops short, uncertain. "Say," House asks, mock innocent. "Is my photo on the website?" The kid recites obediently: "You're Dr. House. Head of diagnostics. Double specialty in -"

Chase did research House, but didn't think he was a useful person to stalk. Trying to imply here that Chase really is being quite cynical and calculating about this — he isn't just targeting the specific folks he needs to hire him, he looked at every possibility and then chose who to seduce.

At House's office, he hesitates until House waves him inside. "The way I see it, Dr. Chase's only son could get a job in any hospital down undah he wanted, no matter how mediocre his grades."

Honestly, biggest argument against Chase being a lazy nepobaby, imo. He seriously could have done this in universe. Instead he moved across the world. This is one of the reasons I am so Interested in this idiot: he's so unambitious but he does wild things like this.

"Surgery and intensive care," he says. He turns to the counter behind him, picks up the resume he'd had Wilson procure. "You must love saving lives." "I do," he says, eyeing the resume and the copy of his father's book House had strategically placed under the manilla folder. "How sweet." "I like them when they're dying," the kid says, leaning forward. "When you have a bleed and ten seconds to find it. When they crash and you don't know why and you have less than a minute to fix the problem." "And that's why you're a perfect candidate for my fellowship?" House mocks. "You tell me. You're courting me, aren't you?" "Sudden attitude shift. Trying to appeal to the nearest authority figure by imitating his grizzled charm?"

I don't love this exchange. I think it's pretty decent banter, it flows nicely, but I do think Chase is too aggressive, even if I handwaved it with him doing in intentionally, trying to match House's energy. House revealing he's been tracking Chase's job hunt, and showing off Rowan's book, proves that he's interested in Chase and has been paying attention. So Chase notices this, and he's trying to imitate House.

I don't think (she says, having written it) that Chase's explanation for his specialties is necessarily true here. Or not the whole truth. He's just trying to say what he thinks House wants to hear. From his perspective, this dude he hasn't seen before just walked up to him and told him "I know everything about you, sit in my office, let's look at your resume." House mentioned Chase's immigration winging-it, that he's hoping to charm his way into a job. So Chase in turn is making his specialty sound sort of reckless and seat of his pants, too.

From House's perspective, he's seen this kid stroll into the hospital and attempt to manipulate

He skims the kid's file again. Looks up at him over the top of the folder, then tosses it down. "Have your dad give me a call." "What?" he blinks. "You want the job, I'd like a character reference." "I have references." "Yeah, but I'm such a fan of daddy. Shouldn't be a problem. Not like you fled England rather than live in his shadow or anything." "Australia." House waits. Finally the kid stands up. He offers his hand to House to shake. He doesn't take it. Rowan Chase calls the next morning.

This is the reason both the story and this commentary exists. It's a power play. House wants Chase to demean himself and do something he doesn't want to in order to prove he wants the job. Chase, meanwhile, realizes that House is pursuing him. So the real question is "will you do something you don't want to do because I asked you?" House has seen Chase is manipulative, and observant, but is he willing to do this?

Chase, meanwhile, knows House is interested in him and pursuing him. He doesn't know how much House has been tracking him, but clearly House wants him. This is enough to get Chase, naturally, to abandon his other plans to charm his way into a job: he might be able to get Thomas to hire him, but House is taking the initiative and showing an interest, which makes him way more valuable. (ie: daddy issues. It's always daddy issues.)

"I want to hire Bobby," House says, cornering Cuddy Friday morning.

[…]

"One's black and the other has milk and sugar. Did - did my father --" He blinks, losing his confidence. House takes the black coffee. Chase throws the other cup in the trash.

House calls him Bobby to mock him, obviously, but it's not until the last paragraph of the story the narration (and so, House) thinks of Chase by name. Now that Chase is in Diagnostics, he Exists.

Further useless headcanon director's notes:

I think Chase introduced himself as Robbie exactly once in New Jersey, and House heard, and it was also the last time he ever used that name.

For some reason, I feel like Chase drinks coffee black with sugar. So neither of those cups were ever going to be from him. He's blatantly sucking up here.

Finally, in an earlier scene:

"Do you even have an interview with Thomas, or were you planning on kissing his ass until you got one?" "I'll have it by the end of the week," the kid says defiantly. House smirks.

And in the last scene:

He passes her the manila folder. Cuddy skims it and looks disapproving. "Dr. Chase is the new surgical resident. Dr. Thomas specifically asked --"

I just liked this bit. Chase did end up getting the other job, he just picked the boss who wanted him over the one who didn't. From Dr. Thomas's brief appearance in S6, he seems to have Issues with Chase and Chase as an extension of House. I think it makes sense on its own, but it makes more sense with this context. He offers the kid a job, the kid rejects the job, four years later Cuddy makes Thomas hire him again, and Chase still pays more attention to House?? Lowkey Chase has as many enemies in the hospital as House and I think that's great.

[varyathevillain]

Sebastian Vael would've been such a better character for the Dragon Age fandom to enjoy if in act 3 instead of the shitty "here, have a Leliana cameo and another proof there's Blood Magic Everywhere in Kirkwall, go fetch!" quest, we had a different one.

Let's say... Hawke has an option of investigating a weird deal between a chantry sister and a Starkhaven diplomat, and during it you uncover that the chantry has been embezzling from Starkhaven's treasury, as well as putting "former chantry members" (read: malleable or outright Chantry puppets) in the ruling circle which is currently holding Starkhaven afloat in absence of Sebastian as their Prince.

If Sebastian is not in the party as you uncover this, you have an option to either tell him about it, or investigate the questline further. If he is, however, in the party as you find the first notice of something being wrong between Chantry and Starkhaven relations, Sebastian will exclaim that this is a mistake, someone posing outside (or within) a Chantry to implicate either Starkhaven royalty, or Grand Cleric Elthina, and reference Sister Petrice. The moment you involve him in the questline, however, he'll be locked in for the investigation missions, and start getting special points in the code, one for each encounter (including the very first one starting the questline), for the final confrontation of the questline. The same happens if you start involving Sebastian at any other point of the questline, but with less and less points available.

As you progress, there would be three more quests to go through, one of which even takes you to either the outskirts of Starkhaven, or to the busy streets of it, allowing 1) to show another city state of Free Marches, 2) where Sebastian comes from, 3) actually be worth your money for the DLC, if ideal DA2 still had him as a DLC companion. Which I still hate with burning passion a decision, same with Javik being DLC in ME3.

The questline has chantry sisters and nobles implicated, Flora Harriman reaching out to Hawke about weird decisions made in Starkhaven politics, resembling what her mother did, and at a second quest there's even a possibility of you uncovering a chantry brother in a contract with a Desire demon. It seems like it all leads up to corruption in the political sphere and stragglers in the Chantry circles, right?

Except. On the final quest. It is revealed that Elthina, in her own handwriting, no forgery as confirmed by any rogue in the party, has forced Grand Cleric of Starkhaven to resign, installed her own puppet (one of the chantry sisters you might see in Act 1) as a new Grand Cleric, all for a bid of "uniting the Free Marches under the Chantry banner". It also implies that Sister Petrice was telling the truth, and that Elthina was, in fact, more involved with the unrest against Qunari than one would believe in the base game (I believe she was involved, but it's not majorly pertaining to this post in particular). There's a letter that implies Lady Harimann was allowed to do what she did, because Elthina believed she'd be able to manipulate Sebastian in favour of the Chantry. It also unveils how many people of Starkhaven were hurt by this. Turns out, a lot.

Then, you can go about this questline ending several ways.

This is where the points counting in the background come into play.

If you did not bring Sebastian alongside you on any of the missions, or if there aren't enough points for you to sway him... Sebastian will claim the evidence as plot against his support of the Chantry and Elthina specifically, and burn the letters in particular, calling them a "bad replica of what sister Petrice tried to do". Elthina, on prodding, feigns innocence, or if you have not talked to Sebastian yet, calls him in to discuss "this silly accusation", which gives +15 rivalry if you're not in a locked relationship with him. He still burns the letters, and accuses you of believing the conspirators, or even being one of them. There are some undertones in Elthina's dialogue to imply she's ready to blackmail you back if you press the matter, and Hawke has no choice but to back off.

If you bring Sebastian along and your relationship with him at this point is so-so, neither a full friendship or a rivalry, you'd need at least 3 points with favourable dialogue, this makes Sebastian question the Chantry, even Elthina. You'd need all 4 points (bringing him from the get go in your party when they rock up to the start of the questline) without going further into discussion for him to buckle. With friendship, you'd need to bring him on at least 2 missions, or 3 with favourable dialogue. With rivalry, however, you need for him to be brought only on one mission with favourable dialogue, the final one, after which he'll even say that "You (Hawke) were right about me needing to step up and rule Starkhaven". On two missions if you want to bicker with him throughout the quests instead.

If you would manage to sway Sebastian by the end, you'd have one final choice: support him in standing up and demanding answers from Elthina, or asking him to forgive her involvement.

Supporting him on Friendship is the simplest, but supporting him on Rivalry ends up in Sebastian switching to Friendship, like with Merrill reversing her Friendship in Mirror Image if you don't give her the Arulin'Holm. This ends up in a calmly voiced, but very angry Sebastian Vael, pure venom in his words, listing how Elthina has abused his trust and his people by using faith in the Chantry, and manipulating a Prince of a sovereign nation for her own means. If you supported him on Rivalry, he'll have additional lines on how you've challenged him to see problems with Chantry and Templar order, as well as to come back to Starkhaven, and outright thank you right in front of Elthina, whose eyes will throw daggers in your direction. At the end of the speech, Sebastian will actually start removing pieces of his armour, them clattering to the floor at Elthina's feet, and walk out alongside you out of the Kirkwall chantry.

However, if you ask him to forgive Elthina, he'll have the biggest rivalry (+30) jump in the game if you aren't in a Friendship, and will briefly lash out at you, saying that complacency with his devotion to the Chantry is what got him and his people into this mess. On Rivalry, it's worse. Instead of a calm but angry and vicious reprimand of Elthina's actions, Sebastian will SCREAM at her, throw evidence in her face, and then scream at you on Rivalry for good measure, about how you can't simply forgive someone who would seek ruin his city, and is actively ruining Kirkwall. How he was blind to Elthina's actions, but sees now that blood magic isn't the rot at the city's heart that is dividing the Circle and Templar order, it's Chantry politicians like Elthina. And instead of armour pieces clattering to the ground, they're thrown at the feet of the Andraste statue, while Sebastian outright declares that if Elthina doesn't cease machinations in Starkhaven, he'll rage war against her, specifically, and everyone who would support her. Then, he storms out, alone.

You can insert either a "there's nothing to talk about" with Elthina afterwards in both endings of this form, or promises of Hawke "never holding a position in this city aside from carrying the Amell name".

After that, you can find Sebastian, clad in a new armour (simple, reminiscent of what Alistair wears in his introduction scene in DAO, only with the Starkhaven symbol emblazoned on an archer chest piece), with a box in his arms, on the steps out of Hightown into Lowtown. He jokes about how his whole life in Kirkwall can, at the same time, be put into a small box like this one, and be something world encompassing. After a dialogue, where he tells you he is going to live in a small hovel in Lowtown, since he doesn't want to even see the chantry building, or talk with nobles who'd gladly eat him and people of Starkhaven alive, until the moment Kirkwall unrest is over, since he wants stability for you and your city as well. Also, he'd rather spend money on his people and those in need, not himself.

If romanced, or with certain persuasion options, you can invite him to live with you. You can still try to invite him with a couple of options, but he'll deny them for various reasons. After that, he'd live near the market; or, if you managed to convince him, in Hawke's mansion.

If in a romance, there's a hot makeout scene in the library which fades to black implying a proper sex scene. If not, he'll have amusing additional scenes with other companions, especially other love interests, with a bit of hostility from Isabela and Anders, and a lot of genuine fun from Fenris and Merrill.

When you talk with him alone (at either Lowtown hovel or at home in the Library), Sebastian discusses, on Friendship, how he is still Andrastian, even if Chantry failed him and his, or on Rivalry how he feels that blind devotion blinded him to Chantry mistakes.

Banter between party members also changes, with one dialogue from Merrill implying that Sebastian is now helping refugees and the poor, Fenris talking about his efforts in making an organisation for former templars/chantry members expelled for one reason or another, Anders being surprised at a late night visit where Sebastian covered in blood (not his) brought him herbs and potion flasks as a peace offering, et cetera. There's still tension over Sebastian belief in the Chant and Andraste, but it's not anymore about him having to perform for the Chantry and his public image.

If you don't complete the quest with this ending, Sebastian Vael still demands Anders to be executed, or he'll wage war. But if you do... he confesses that Anders has asked him to warn as many people in Lowtown and Darktown not to come to the Hightown and chantry, but assumed this would be because of Meredith and Orsino outright fighting in front of Elthina, not this... murder.

He will, however, draw his bow and point an arrow at Anders, saying that this was not the answer to help his cause, and Anders needs to pay now. Hawke can allow him to do that, or step in.

In a so-so relationship, if you choose anything else but "I will execute him myself" or relent to Sebastian's demand and let him shoot Anders? Vael will spit at your feet and leave your party and the conflict, resulting in a very similar ending to his character as in the original DA2, just less anti-mage and pro-Chantry.

However, in a Friendship or Rivalry, it's very easy to convince him to still stay at your side and see it through. With his unknowing help, many innocents of Kirkwall were saved, and now he has to stick around to help as well, and to either see Anders pay for his crimes with work and healing, not redemption through martyr-like murder, or to understand that this, inadvertently, would be every city across Southern Thedas, including Starkhaven, if Chantry dogma supported by Templars will continue murder, physical and emotional, of mages. He'll have additional dialogue depending on whether you're a mage Hawke, or if Bethany died/is in Circle.

In Romance, Sebastian will lower his bow immediately as Hawke steps between. You'll have to mess up really badly in dialogue for him to storm out.

[nzoth-the-corruptor]

@hadoriel

I have so many thoughts this is gonna necessitate its own post

First things first: I really wish Blizzard would stop trying to 'justify' why any race can be any class. At a certain point they need to just go 'normally members of XYZ culture don't follow this path, but there are exceptions to every norm' and just leave it at that. The player can come up with their own reasons as to why their lightforged is a warlock or their dwarf is a druid or their orc is a paladin.

I mean shit, the roleplayers have already been doing that for years, and most of that is still impossible in-game.

Second, addendum to the first: Blizzard I'm screaming sobbing and crying PLEASE stop making all priest and paladin organizations Holy Light coded.

Please. Stop.

Just stop. Just... just let us have holy organizations that aren't Holy Light. Take your hands off the night elf paladins... let them go be with Elune... do not enforce a new Holy Light Night Elf Religious Order...

Loa-Priests don't need to be Holy Light coded either. ok? okay?

Remember that the entire Cult of the Forgotten Shadow & the concept of Discipline Priests who wield Light and Shadow in tandem are all literally a psyop created by Xal'atath.

Third: I think there's actually some real meat to the concept of Tyr being deified by paladins, and let me get into it.

So the legend of Tyr was very long-standing in human society. He was seen as a paragon, as an ideal, as the perfect hero, etc.

Particularly in Lordaeron, where multiple locations are named after him. Sometime in the modern era, syncrety between Tyr and the Light started up — likely as a result of the Order of the Silver Hand taking Tyr's symbol as the symbol of their organization. Silver Hand paladins begin associating Tyr more and more with the way of the paladin, of the heroic and just knight and begin pursuing his legend.

They steal his hammer and everything.

Now the Tyr's Guard is established as only becoming paladins after the Order of the Silver Hand was created and the first paladins were trained to battle the orcs, so: the Tyr's Guard haven't secretly been paladins this whole time. This will be important.

Travard basically starts peddling Tyr as a champion of the Light, yada yada. As he reforms the Tyr's Guard through Dragonflight, he establishes four tenets of Tyr that the Tyr's Guard observes:

Justice, Order, Sacrifice, and Compassion.

And these are interesting because the five tenets of the Holy Light bestowed upon the first priestess, Mereldar, are:

Justice, Holiness, Protection, Compassion, and Retribution.

... and it is also interesting to note that in the Reforging of the Tyr's Guard document's entry for Justice, 'Vengeance' (retribution) is disavowed.

So. Both observe Justice and Compassion. The Tyr's Guard disavows Retribution. Protection and Sacrifice are the same concept (the Tyr's Guard example of Sacrifice is literally a willingness to give one's life to protect another.) Order and Holiness seem fairly similar, but could be different.

So. What I'm saying here is...

HERESY!

The Tyr's Guard is effectively a cult that decided their blorbo (Tyr) is the bestest symbol of the Holy Light ever, and have begun attributing the works of other devout followers and oracles of the Light to Tyr, and probably have rampant good PR banked up via the longstanding mythologization of Tyr by humanity (note that, just because he is a venerated myth, doesn't mean the myth is the man) and the Order of the Silver Hand using Tyr's symbol.

And I know Blizzard's not going to follow through on the implications of this, but think:

We could finally have the Light followers having some internal strife on whether or not this is acceptable practice and conduct or if this Tyr thing has gone too far, especially as they start to learn about the real Tyr and not just the legend of Tyr, and maybe, you know. Start swingin' at each other.

[cookiesonfire]

I know zero things about genshin bust that can open

I'm sorry in advance but you asked for it >:3

Okok so imagine two twins (Lumine❤️ and Aether) travel through many worlds/universes and they land upon Teyvat (technically Teyvat is a continent I think) and when they're abt to leave, there’s a mysterious white haired god, the sustainer of heavenly principles, who stops them from doing so (something about "arrogance of mankind ends now"). I chose Lumine as my choice of twin bc she's best girl but either can be protagonist. And then Aether gets swallowed up by cube things and then Lumine fights the god more and ends up the same way. Then she wakes up on a beach saved by Paimon (tiny floating girl with white hair with symbols on her clothes looking suspiciously similar to the mysterious god's) and Lumine is now stuck in this world, some seal on her that suppresses her powers, and her goal is to find her brother. And that's where the game starts, which is 500 years after the original fight with the mysterious god. Lumine was supposedly sleeping/confined the entire time.

Teyvat has 7 nations, each of which has its element and thing: Mondstadt (anemo/of freedom), Liyue (geo/of contracts), Inazuma (electro/of eternity), Sumeru (dendro/of wisdom), Fontaine (hydro/of justice), Natlan (pyro/of war), Snezhnaya(cryo/we don't know yet). So far only up to Fontaine is released, later this year Natlan will be released and next year Snezhnaya will be released (and there will be more). Each nation also has its own archon (god essentially). There was this war called The Archon War like 2000 years ago and there was lots of fighting and whatnot and the 7 that were left became an archon of each nation. Archons can age and die and be replaced and aren't invincible nor are they perfect/omniscient; I like to think of them as a higher/way more powerful type of being compared to humans. Only 2 of 7 current archons are the ones who originally fought in the archon war: Venti/Barbatos(Mondstadt) and Zhongli❤️/Morax(Liyue). The other current archons: Raiden Ei/Beelzebul(Inazuma), Nahida/Buer(Sumeru), Furina/Focalors(Fontaine), Murata/*maybe Aym*(Natlan), Tsaritsa/?(Snezhnaya). All the archons have their current human form name(which is before the slash), a name their people use to refer to them(which I didn’t write), and their demon name(after slash). I believe there isn’t much of a lore implication based on their demon names but we don’t have info abt all the archons yet.

There's also Celestia which is kind of "above" (physically and other ways) the entire world of Teyvat and the rulers in Celestia are called the heavenly principles(type of higher beings than the archons imo). You can also actually see the location from the current version of the game very very far away. Celestia essentially rules all of Teyvat but they don't interfere with the world (except for 500 years ago) or the archons ruling their nations. Each archon also has a gnosis (shaped like a certain chess piece which has lore implications that I don't fully know yet and each is associated with the archon's element). From what we've seen, the gnosis is more of a status symbol/connection between archon and Celestia and perhaps enhances an archon's power. But it is not what gives the archon their power/right to rule (and is perhaps not that important/or archons don't care abt Celestia anymore since archons seem to give up their gnoses pretty easily).

So 500 years ago there was actually 8 nations in Teyvat. The 8th nation was Khaenri'ah, a nation that excelled in,,, creating very powerful things/beings? Essentially the heavenly principles (or just one of them? the mysterious god) saw this as a threat ("arrogance of mankind ends now") and there was a huge war (The Khaenri'ah War lol) and the nation was destroyed. *I think* the twins were involved in some way or found out something abt this which is why the mysterious god attacked them 500 years ago. Tho I also don't think the twins are humans since we have some proof they're immortals of some kind and are quite powerful (Lumine now being suppressed by some seal). We also have some characters from Khaenri'ah: Kaeya (playable/cryo) and Dainsleif (probably playable in future/none of the elements we know currently). There's also the abyss order, who consist of remaining members of Khaenri'ah (monsters now bc they were cursed/"pollution"/etc) and they're one of the opposing forces against us/Lumine who's goal is to revive Khaenri'ah and overthrow Celestia and the archons.

Hoyoverse (the company) also has other games and all their games universes/lore are actually connected. There's thing whole thing abt Teyvat just being one of many universes relating to Yggdrasil (idk I haven't played Honkai or anything but I might just for more lore). There's also this idea/sentence hoyo keeps teasing us with "the skies of Teyvat are fake." There's many theories abt what exactly this means but idk there's a lot.

In the game, Lumine w Paimon is going to each nation (in order that I mentioned above) and her goal is to find the archon and ask abt her brother/the god and we end up saving/solving each nation's problem. In between each nation's quests, we have interlude quests where we learn abt the abyss order and how Aether/abyss twin is fighting on their side and that Dainsleif and Aether used to travel together 500 years ago and perhaps took a similar journey across the 7 nations that Lumine is now. And uh there's a lot more in those quests. Also how one of the common enemies in the game is a hilichurl and that hilichurls used to be humans in Khaenri'ah and the war has but reduced them to a husk.

There's also the fatui and the Tsaritsa, archon of Snezhnaya. They've been going around collecting/stealing/bargaining the gnoses off of each archon. And the top members of the fatui are the Harbingers (there's 11 of them, ranked, and all their names are based off of Italian opera: il Dottore, Arlecchino, Tartaglia, etc.) and they're Tsaritsa's main bitches basically. None of them really like each other that much, perhaps some have admiration as a coworker for someone else’s abilities/power, but all of them have their own loyalties, some to Tsaritsa, others have their ulterior motives. Some of them kind of hate each other. By the end of Sumeru's quests (I haven't started Fontaine), we've fought and made frenemies with Childe/Tartaglia, killed La Signora, and erased Scaramouche from the knowledge base of the world kind of and now he's The Wanderer or whatever you name him, and encountered Dottore (he sucks 1) bc he’s one of those snobby insufferable intellectual bitches 2) if you read the genshin manga, you learn that he does a lot of human experimentation and specifically experimented on a loved playable character Collei). So now they're down to 9 harbingers. They're kind of always fucking shit up just as Lumine is trying to "save" a nation.

So there's like 3 main antagonistic forces for the traveler/Lumine: Celestia/or just the mysterious god specifically(don’t know yet), the abyss order, and the fatui. It’s a bit strange as some of these forces also oppose each other but there’s a lot of layers, like an onion if you will. There’s intra-nation conflicts which we solve as we go to each nation, then there’s inter-nation conflicts mostly between snezhnaya and other nations (though the nations are mostly fine among each other), and then there’s the conflicts between traveler and abyss order+abyss twin which bleeds into some of the conflict between traveler and Celestia, also the the conflict between abyss order and Celestia.

There’s also conflicts regarding the very nature of this world, implied by abyss twin in the interlude quests and Dottore at the end of Sumeru quest and other Hoyo games. When we found out that the twin is on abyss order’s side, he implied that he journeyed through the nations and discovered something that made him realize something abt the world and made him turn and implied that we’ll understand at the end of our journey. OR he truly has been corrupted, but that would be the boring and easy way out. And the fatui collecting all the gnoses may mean that the Tsaritsa is trying to go against Celestia, like the abyss order. So who is the true antagonist? What is the truth of this world? Does it even matter? Who even are the twins? Who else are the heavenly principles? What do they want from this world? Yeah so yeah

[henrysglock]

How Henry interacted with El in that one scene that you posted makes me think: did he actually meet any other number before her? Or was his interaction with El his "first attempt" to act as an orderly? And why with her specifically?

Because he seems to be like you said very unsure on how to communicate with El (he didn't even introduce himself to her) however in the series 001 presents quite professional. Obv it's unclear how many time passed after their first meeting and the NINA events and Henry probably didn't know how to interact properly because of the potential lack of instructions, but this all seems very weird to me.

I'm really not sure! The fun thing about this scene is that there aren't any other numbers present...at all. It's just El, by herself, with the Magic 8 ball. Like...where are the rest of them? Why does he act so awkward when his in-show counterpart has an air of relative confidence about him? No one knows except the Duffers and Kate.

It's so odd that Brenner says the DOD wanted him to dispose of Henry, but that he managed to convince them not to. What happened that made them want to dispose of him? He also notes, while Henry's bound and gagged, that Henry's "been such a good boy" in the recent past few years...what about the full 15-20 years before that? What happened?

The whole sequence opens up a bunch of questions that none of us have an answer to.

I do have a bit of speculation in a different route, though.

It's so funny to me that the Shadow/the UD has been likened to the KGB over and over, meanwhile Brenner works for the US equivalent: the CIA. Brenner at the end of TFS hasn't aged since 1959, and there are a ton of implications that Brenner somehow is the Shadow. It makes me wonder if that lab scene was even real.

Like...let me put it this way.

Why does Brenner still look the same way he did when Henry gave into the Shadow that first time...and why does the Shadow in the VR take on the form of Brenner? Is there any possibility that the lab scene in TFS isn't real, it's in Henry's head, and that the unchanging Brenner is actually a manifestation of the Mindflayer?

Henry's kept locked away, sure...but he's not just isolated or bound. He's also gagged. He's not allowed to move or speak or have any influence over his surroundings. Could it be that the end of TFS is what the inside of Henry's mind looks like? Him, bound and gagged, while the Mindflayer (read: not just the Shadow, but the combined Mindflayer), who presents as young Brenner, runs the show? Could it be that the Henry who acts so bizarrely in 4.05 is being controlled or is a NINA-manifestation of Controlled Henry, but the Henry who acts more awkward/personable and speaks in weird, secretive leading questions is the genuine Henry underneath it all? The one who's been "such a good boy" (read: stopped actively fighting back, may still be dropping hints) and is now being allowed to interact/have some control over himself because the Hive Mind (DOD) decided not to dispose of him the way it disposed of Will...because the Mindflayer (CIA) decided he was still useful irt bonding with El, even if genuine Henry isn't completely aware that he's being used?

Idk. It just stinks of unreality/dissociation/watching yourself do things with no control over it, the same way the attic scene does.

[terapsina]

Ask Game: hizzie (#1, 6, 10) hope mikaelson & lizzie saltzman (#8, 9, 10, 16, 17)

(from this ask game I made)

Hizzie:

1. ...about my absolute favorite of their scenes and why I love it so much.

"I hate this. I hate how many good memories I have of you. I hate that I have to be the one to do this, because no one else will. But most of all… I hate you. For being my friend, and for being apart of my weird messed up family and for making me love you, Hope Mikaelson."

Okay, so they have SO MANY great scenes to choose from and I think I'm obsessed with every single one but it's just hard to beat a '10 Things I Hate About You' love confession okay?

Also I love what it SAYS about them. Okay, so see, textually Hope is Lizzie's hero. But subtextually I'd argue that Lizzie is actually Hope's knight in shining armor. Lizzie is the one who saves her from a breakdown in the middle of the dance. Lizzie's the one who remembers her and makes her less alone. Lizzie's the one who pulls her out of the monochrome 50's noir movie. And Lizzie's the one who goes after her when she's lost her way. The one who tries to bring her back with - and let me repeat myself here - WITH A LOVE CONFESSION.

And yeah, that last one doesn't work. Except that I'm pretty sure that it nearly does. Which is WHY Hope snaps her neck. I think Lizzie nearly managed to touch her, and Hope felt it, and this made Lizzie a threat. The kind of threat that Josie and Rebekah hadn't been. And that, my friends, I find fascinating.

6. ...what kind of AU fics I'm obsessed with reading about them (or would be if I could find one).

I largely prefer Canon Universe fics that go off script because of an alteration here or there; a what if that led them down here instead of there. But... I guess I would really love to read a Slayer Lizzie/Turned Slayer Hope fic? Idk I just think that might be a fascinating way to explore them.

10....rate the level of stupid they reach in their pining.

Oh. So. VERY. Stupid.

So clearly Lizzie reaches the light first. But BEFORE that she comes up with a list for the Perfect Love she wants and describes Hope. She tries to matchmake Hope so hard it's like she's confessing that she's in love with Hope to the guy she's trying to matchmake Hope with.

Meanwhile Hope? Somehow totally seems to miss multiple love confessions, or to snag across what it mans that Lizzie was sired to her (okay, so I partially blame the very terrible Vampire 101 at that school but you'd think that in a family of... *does math*... 6-ish vampires it might have come up?). And she does catch that Josie used to have a crush on her but completely MISSES the implication that she thought her sister would have made a move too?

Also, Hope wrote herself into Lizzie's fanfic as a kid. And yet doesn't notice how maybe. Crushing might have mayhaps been happening?

Dum-dums want gum-gums level of dumb, okay? Dear evil gods but I love them so much.

-

Hope Mikaelson:

8. ...a headcanon I have about this character.

She wasn't supposed to be able to turn her humanity off as an Original of her line, so she did it by force, which is why there seemed to be this split in her personality that's never been a thing for any other vampire we've been shown turning their feelings off.

Like, Hope pushed all her feelings deep inside and slammed the wall down and cut herself in half. Which is why in my perfect season 5 (💔) she would have had to accept the No Humanity side of herself and reintegrate it back into the larger whole of Hope Andrea Mikaelson.

9. ...which of their relationships I would have cultivated more if it were up to me (both romantic and platonic).

Well, I know she's dead but I would have brought up Hayley in relation to Hope more. She did have a mom she lost, not just a dad.

Also I would have added a lot more off-screen contact between her and the family she STILL HAS. The Mikaelsons aren't DEAD. She's got aunts and uncles and one brother/uncle, and her mother's pack, and the New Orleans coven of witches.

Also, I think I'd have liked to minimize the amount of scenes Hope had with Alaric. Cuz like nine times of ten they just made me vaguely uncomfortable.

Probably would also have had Hope hanging out with every other person in school, because it did feel like Landon was monopolizing ALL her screentime for like two out of four seasons.

10. ...if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

Oh I absolutely loved Hope from the beginning. Though it took me a while to really understand what made her click, because I've only watched her scenes from The Originals and not the entire show that probably gives a more fully fleshed out background.

But yeah I liked Hope from the beginning, and by the end? I utterly adored her.

16. ...my very shallowest of opinions on this character.

Girl. Pretty.

17. ...how well they'd do if they got dropped in a horror movie.

Oh, there's only two options here. Either she gets dropped there and this is NO LONGER A HORROR STORY because she beats the killer as soon as they attack. Or otherwise, she kills the killer as soon as she gets dropped there and becomes the monster of the horror movie herself (if we're talking about the No Humanity!Hope).

-

Lizzie Saltzman:

8. ...a headcanon I have about this character.

She was always going to become a heretic whatever else took place. It was always part of her plan B, and not even one she was really dreading. She might not have been ready when what's-his-face tried to turn her by force, but a part of her knew she'd choose to turn eventually. Which is both why she drank blood as insurance and why I think it was so easy for Lizzie to forgive Hope her turning.

Also. I think a part of why Lizzie went on so long being oblivious about her feelings for Hope was because after Josie finally told them about her old crush, Lizzie didn't want to be a person who would move in on her twin's potentially still existing crush (which I actually don't think Lizzie needed to worry about, by that point in their lives it didn't actually look like Josie had any more romantic feelings for Hope at all).

9. ...which of their relationships I would have cultivated more if it were up to me (both romantic and platonic).

I think Lizzie needed a really safe and utterly platonic friend (Hope doesn’t count because she had feelings for her (fight me on this, I dare you), and MG didn't count because he never stopped having feelings for her). So I wish she'd had a lot more scenes with Kaleb.

10. ...if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

You kidding? They were my favorite from pretty much the word go. Though... I guess the moment I went full ride-or-die for her was during the Genie wish!verse episode.

16. ...my very shallowest of opinions on this character.

GIRL. PRETTY.

17. ...how well they'd do if they got dropped in a horror movie.

A bit touch and go in the beginning because she'd panic. But she's definitely a Final Girl if I've ever seen one, so once the panic waned she'd just be really, really mad.

[cafecouple]

🎞️, 🥰, and 🤪!!!

Answering under the read more since I gave two paragraphs each!! I have a lot to say ^^;;

🎞️: What ‘canon’ scenes would the fandom point to as evidence for the validity of your ship?

Well!! Cream Coffee's partner (Dark Fondue) originally seems rather intimidating to most despite her smile -- I like to think that there's a scene wherein she actually offers a small bit of help to Cream Coffee unprompted despite this usual coldness. (I have a small fic written where she offers a map of the building, but I'm not sure if it would be this same scene in canon ^^;;) This is of course just the smallest sign, and not all she ever ends up doing, but it is the very first sign that Dark Fondue doesn't hold them in the same regard as everyone else! There is also the fact that Cream Coffee doesn't think particular highly of themself, but Dark Fondue actually does believe they have the ability to achieve all they need to and more. She doesn't say this outright, but she does go to the effort of pushing them in the right direction -- something she normally just seems discouraging about. While Cream Coffee can be deeply discouraging to themself, Dark Fondue reiterates that they're perfectly capable.

🥰: How would someone who loved you portray you?

I imagine they would have quite a lot to say in analysis of Cream Coffee as a character!! Their backstory involves a (very understandably) traumatic event in which they're cut out of their own timeline completely and stranded within the canon one, so I could definitely see fans of them going in depth about how that impacted them and theorising about the things they lost and left behind. In addition to this, I feel these fans would draw attention to the many scenes in which Cream Coffee does something for the people they've met here. They would point out that even now, they want to make things better for people they don't even really know -- except for possibly being not-quite-the-same versions of people they lost. A lot of attention would be drawn to the lengths they'd go for other people even after everything that had happened to them.

🤪: What is your trait that fanon would exaggerate?

Definitely how nervous Cream Coffee actually is in light of what happened to them. It's a really common fandom problem to make characters overly innocent, cutesy, or shy, and they unfortunately would get the "absolute cinnamon roll" treatment. Cream Coffee is extremely kind to everyone around them, but they are also both very capable (even if they have trouble believing that) and just as much as an adult as everyone else! They aren't always nervous -- their actual reactions to their trauma are typically breakdowns or panic attacks, which they try to internalise so others don't notice. These very much aren't cutesy, either, and many of the thoughts they have towards themself are deeply unhealthy in those moments. Additionally (while it couldn't be shown in canon due to the limits of the game), in my own canon they quite literally swear aloud after ending up in their current timeline. In game, this would be censored by something more appropriate, but still have the same implications (similar to how Vampire drinks "juice" all the time, but is essentially certainly always drinking wine). In Cream Coffee's case, though? This detail would probably go over people's heads. They don't swear excessively, since they aren't kind words, but they aren't unable to do so!

[cumbunnywitch]

ITT: Internet Piracy, and the ethics of stealing from large corporations.

So, you recently found a new movie isn't available on any one of the three streaming services you've been conned into subscribing to, out of the ten or so available. You realize that adding any more of them would be more expensive than actually just paying for premium cable TV, and you aren't even sure which service has it. Well, I have the answer for you!

Piracy!

If you still need more encouragement or are just interested in my take, please, keep reading below.

What do you do? Well let me help you get over your fear of Internet Piracy, a concept that was given moral implications by the same companies that bust unions, sue small artists, and who's only interest is importing your money directly from your bank account faster than other companies.

Seriously, that is the point of service-based capitalism. You shouldn't need to pay thousands a year to watch a show that has bounced between Hulu and HBO Max and Disney+ once a season. Did you know Blockbuster, the brick-and-mortar place, used to have on average upwards of 10,000 movies on hand at any given time? Netflix has never come close to that amount, and even it is one of the services that decided not to fuck with commercials.

Just as a tangent, the first time I watched a show on Hulu, there were so many advertisements, I decided to pirate the entire 4k season we were watching. I finished downloading and had it set up to watch by the 4th fucking ad break of episode 1.

Now I get it- not everyone has great internet. You're on rural networks or satellite or dsl. I understand that pain. But, are you really watching uninterrupted? Would you rather spend 3 days watching that progress bar fill as internet users send you their energy like Goku with a Spirit Bomb, or do you want to watch your new favorite show buffer every 6 seconds and the subtitles fail to load? Yea I want that first one, I can be patient when the alternative is making me fucking hate everything.

So! We've got your reasons for wanting to be a Pirate down, what about the moral and ethical implications? Great, I'm glad you asked!

The thing about most studios that put out art like movies and games, is that they've been paid already. Whoever published the thing has paid those workers, and it's really, really unlikely they're going to be getting royalties from sales. So, who do sales actually help?

Publishers, IP holders(also usually the publisher but sometimes not(more later)), and the distribution source. If you by something physical at Walmart, you're paying Walmart, and they pay the publisher to send them more so they can sell more. If you buy it on YouTube, Youtube gets a cut, as well as the IP holder. If you watch something on Netflix or Hulu, they MIGHT go to the publisher and studio and purchase another season, but once it's bought, only the publisher and IP holder get that money.

So let's talk about IP holders now. IP is Intellectual Property. The idea of the thing, the permission to use/license it, etc. IP Holders and places like Disney, HBO, Disney, Sony Pictures, Disney again, Universal Pictures(Comcast). Big-ass corporations. These companies have, and I am not exaggerating, literal fuck-mountain sized shit-loads of money. They have had money for decades, they will outlive the governments of the worlds, I fucking guarantee you. They have "Should I buy my cloned pet White Rhino her own yacht? She doesn't seem to like sharing any of my yachts with the other pets." kind of money.

These companies have so much money in so many countries, they do their best to make sure the candidate they can squeeze the most out of gets elected. They lobby against your rights like a mother-fucker, and I bet you pay more in taxes than any of them. They are the very definition of "I have too much money to consider you a person." So Fuck'em. Steal.

Except... it's not stealing. It's copying. Yes, Piracy on the internet is not taking anything away from any other person. If you attack a cargo ship and take some shipping containers, someone isn't getting those things. If you torrent The Land Before Time, you're not taking someone's long-awaited or well-beloved and oft watched VHS copy. You're making a copy, doing no damage to already existing copies. This isn't like cloning a sheep where you lose something or cause pain to a living creature either. Just an exact replica, now on your computer.

Next, we have malicious IP Holders. There's a game my girlfriend @leahplease loves, Klonoa, which after over a decade, finally got a remake for modern consoles. It's not even a new game. It's the first 2 games, remade. And yes, that sort of thing costs money and requires resources, but Bandai-Namco makes plenty of money, and this isn't even a new iteration of the game. This is what IP Holders do- they hold onto some creative thing, and refuse to give it to anyone else. No one who loves Klonoa can just start making a fan work and make money, or most of the time even distribute it for free. They squat on the rights and then cash in on nostalgia, and then they let it start collecting dust again, until all the people with nostalgia are gone or stop caring, and let it die.

Or, you have people like Just Kidding Rowling and her transphobic, antisemitic, racist series of books, Harry Potter. She's a fucking billionaire, because she retained the rights to her books and someone made a wildly successful series of movies out of them. JK does not deserve billions more dollars, or even one more dollar from her (frankly awful in many ways) YA stiff-upper-lip-apologist fiction. The goblins are jew-coded, Cho Chang is something a 19 year old redneck would say to a homeless Asian while teasing them with a crumpled dollar, and Snape was a fucking Incel.

AAAAGGHH

So anyway. Now we know who we pirate from. Who don't we pirate from?

Small studios, self publishers, short story novelists, bands without labels, independent creators. Do you follow someone on Tumblr that makes cool games? How about NSFW artists that make their money through Patreon, or a SWer that has an OnlyFans/subscribestar? These are the places we try not to steal from.

There is an exception if these people end up being terrible, like they are nazis(punch them then steal their art) or transphobic or racist. Punish them by pirating their shit, fucking go for it. But if they are just trying to make a living and are decent human beings looking to share the things they make at the price they're willing to sell it for, then pay up.

Now, I'm not going to tell you how to be a pirate. There is some risk involved, both in the legal sense and in the sense you may get a virus. Be safe on the internet, because there are bad actors. Cracks aren't always safe, trojans lurk in many places. Get a good idea on what to trust when downloading, find an anti-malware software that you can use, and make sure you back things up. This is just like normal piracy, where getting caught can have consequences.

If you get a cease-and-desist letter, just turn that torrent off, maybe move the content you pirated to a drive that isn't constantly connected to the internet. Most of the time, that's as far as things will go unless you're the main distributor. Let someone else take that fall, don't be a hero.

And if you're safe, have decent internet, and you have private access to your computer, SEED. If you download something popular, seed it until you have at least a 1:1 ratio, but shoot for more. Big numbers feel good. My ratio used to be 80:1 but that got reset and now I'm down to 3:1 and I want my big number back.

Good luck, and happy hunting you pirate you.

[tuiyla]

"The male Santana": the unholy trinity of gay bullies (no, not that one)

[This was originally a post on r/glee but posting on here as well]

So we pretty much all know that Ryan Murphy famously described Sebastian as "the male Santana", right? I can't cite this because Glee Wiki almost never cites sources but if you can provide a link, please do. For now, let's just work with this quote without that definitive proof of its existence. Now, I have a bone to pick with this, not just because it's further proof to me that Mr. Murphy didn't, fundamentally, understand his own characters but because I sometimes see fans draw this same conclusion. Sebastian is basically a male Santana. Look, they're both sassy and gay and love to insult or outright bully people! And it's like, whatever, it's a surface-level read but not invalid, as such. What does bother me a bit is that Glee does actually have a "male Santana" who appeared way before Sebastian did and had an actual arc that thematically paralleled Santana's so perfectly in so many ways.

Sebastian Smythe isn't the male Santana; Dave Karofsky is. Here's why.

Karofsky's and Santana's stories run parallel throughout season 2 and they even reach the same crossroads as they become each other's beards. Consider Dave's journey: he begins as your typical jock and bully, his insults feeling very homophobic and targeted from the getgo. He spends all his screentime in season 1 bullying Finn with Azimio for being in Glee and we see a glimpse of how the two treat Kurt in "Theatricality". Karofsky is deliberate and cruel in his treatment of anything he perceives to be different from the norm. In season 2, this becomes even more targeted as he now focuses much if not all of his energy on Kurt, even as Azimio has chilled out a little bit. But not Karofsky; it seems as if Kurt's mere existence as an out gay guy is enough to set him off and escalate his already horrid behaviour. What we find out when Kurt stands up to him is that Karofsky himself is gay, and from there come all the implications. From there, we can clearly see where all that anger towards the non-conforming, the queer was coming from.

Let's switch to Santana for a second, to catch her up to mid-season 2 and also to establish something. To be clear, I'm not saying Dave and Santana both being bullies hold equal weight or both should be condemned, or even forgiven equally. You see, while Santana is very much also a bully, it's a different category altogether and I don't see much value in comparing the two. Except for establishing that while it comes from the same basic place for both of them, Dave's behaviour has always been targeted and specific, and notably extreme, while Santana's bullying tendencies aren't specifically homophobic or even against the non-conforming, and she certainly isn't picky about her targets. Like I said, different behaviours, both because of their differing personalities and importantly because of their gender and circumstances. All that said I do want to make a distinction between Santana's mean, at times even cruel comments and petty actions, and Karofsky's particular brand of abuse of Kurt which included a threat on Kurt's life. Pretending that even at her worst Santana was Dave in early season 2 levels bad would be pretty disingenuous.

So that out of the way, Santana. Santana's journey in the first two seasons is about navigating the high school social hierarchy while negotiating her own identity as a lesbian within that. At first, it's all about hooking up with boys and only being with Brittany for the male gaze, or as something that doesn't mean anything. (More on Santana and her comphet another day.) As the series goes on and she's not only confronted with what her relationship with Brittany really means but also her facade of being with men crumbling, she grows desperate and even more angry than she's been so far. Because she has been angry, she's been so at odds with herself ever since she first appeared.

Both Dave and Santana are so angry to have grown up in a world where being gay is not okay. Where their true feelings have been repressed from early on and where they learned how to conform. Dave put up this super macho front and lashed out at anyone who dared to strain from that, reaffirming his own standing as a straight guy both to the outside world and himself. Santana started getting with guys to reaffirm the same, while also earning herself a high social status in the process as the hot cheerleader who "never says no" and makes out with another hot cheerleader. And her anger about not being her true self, like with Karofsky, was externalized in a way that hurt anyone and everyone, especially those who dared to question this illusion she created - for example, her lashing out at Brittany when Britt wants to talk about what they have going on.

All of this takes them to late season 2, where Santana is doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out a way to be with Brittany without having to be vulnerable and open about her identity, and where Dave has been so taken aback by Kurt's bravery and his new relationship with Blaine. The Santofsky ~relationship~ is obviously fake and comes about in a really messed up way, with Santana blackmailing Dave, but it's still a narrative crossroads where these two finally meet and enable each other to hide themselves. One could argue that they at least stop their cruel treatment of others, with Santana getting Dave to apologize to Kurt and they even form the Bully Whips - ironic, of course, what with the two of them being a major part of McKinley's bullying problem.

But still, the fake relationship stops both of them from having to confront reality. Santana has the opportunity to be with Brittany, openly, but she can't. Even though the whole Karofsky beard thing was a convoluted plan supposedly about getting with Brittany, here Santana is continuing the lie instead. And it's not like it isn't a comfortable lie for Dave, that is until he's elected as the Prom King to Kurt's Prom Queen and runs away out of the same fear that made Santana run earlier.

One could argue their similarities extend beyond season 2. In season 3, both are outed under different circumstances and both their lives change drastically because of that. Neither were ready; neither deserved what happened to them. It's one of the many Glee things I'm forever sad about that we never got to see Santana react to the Karofsky situation in season 3. But regardless of the fact that their paths never again cross, we do eventually see both grow into their own identities and lead much happier, calmer lives.

After all that it almost feels redundant to point out that Sebastian has none of that. He's a cocky, very openly (homo)sexual guy who's flirting with Blaine so unabashedly. Meanwhile, Santana is melting into puddles when pretty girls stare at her for too long and stutters with underboob sweat when she's being flirted with. Yes, they're both confident in their insults and stand their ground against each other, "one bitch to another", but their clever quips and willingness to be dramatic is where the similarities begin and end. Sebastian never struggles with his identity nor does he go through meaningful change. Thematically he doesn't even begin to compare to Dave.

And look, there's nothing wrong with liking Sebastian and Santana's dynamic and thinking their scenes are good, or that Sebastian has a similar energy to Santana in his confidence during verbal takedowns. But is he the male Santana? Or is he the more conventionally attractive guy who had a charged duet with her during a brief rivalry, while Dave Karofsky's journey actually paralleled and crossed hers?

(Obligatory disclaimer that just because I think Santana's and Dave's struggles are understandable given the internalized homophobia they struggle with, their actions aren't justified or excused because of this. Their stories are compelling because we can empathize with them while also acknowledging their actions as wrong and harmful, and root for them to get better and get to a point where they don't take their anger out on others but can instead find happiness, comfortable in their identities.)

[boop-le-snoot]

BUTT-DIAL? NO, BOOTY CALL | tony stark

explicit, 5,4k words. wrong number text, family shame & wedding drama that isn't even his and a ruined first date. despite the implications of the situation, both reader and tony are very entertained. meet-ugly series, part three.

[no y/n, no "you", no name, no reader description - race/age/body type neutral, she/her pronouns]

💚 masterlist ☀️ taglist & faq 💚

Another sunny day spent wasted in a conference room full of boring, old, conceited chairmen. Tony Stark vehemently refused to commiserate with them, their boring speeches and blunt, straightforward thinking. Sitting through a meeting was like walking on nails barefoot: painful, pointless. Mind-numbing.

His phone beeped loudly and he reached into his pocket, pretending to not see Pepper's disapproving look. Both of them knew he was hoping for a sudden Assemble call - that would surely get him out of the meeting - but as much as he hoped, they never struck at the right time.

Except, this time it wasn't a call for assistance, and neither it was an automated spam message with Pizza Hut promo codes. Tony's eyebrows drew close and his lips upturned as he read and re-read the obvious rant written on his screen, typing up his answer before he managed to resist the morbid curiosity that was fueled by his boredom.

Whoever it was, they were justifiably angry and the whole situation was almost too comical to be true, except he'd known people exactly like the runaway bride, selfish, greedy and stupid. He totally understood the woman's desire to just go and load up on tequila shots somewhere - so he bid her a haste farewell, all the while snickering to himself.

"It's Rogers," Tony offered in the way of explanation to a glaring Pepper, locking his phone away and settling in to continue pretending he was listening as another old, crusty white man offered his input on topics he was too much of a dinosaur to even really know about.

He couldn't stop thinking about the incident over the days, the story making him snort more times than he could count as the memory randomly crossed his mind in the lab, at the coffee pot or during dinner. So when a message came through from that very same number, the smirk snuck up onto his face before he even read its contents.

A brief crash course in memes from Parker had turned out to be more useful than ever. Irritating Rogers with pictures got old very fast, however, in moments Tony got rendered speechless they proved to be the perfect substitute for trying to articulate all his thoughts on the matter.

Celebrity appearance, she said? More likely than one would think. The engineer had nearly doubled over in a fit of laughter when she'd texted him that; obviously, the woman had no clue who she was texting with and he decided to further indulge in his curiosity by asking for her name: Friday did the rest.

A phone number and a name, ten minutes, and all her social media were free for him to stalk. Investigate- uh, observe. With little effort, Tony found both her and her brother, the unlucky groom, and the runaway bride and even her step-dad. On paper, they all looked like average middle-class families. Nothing seemed amiss.

It didn't mean anything, but Tony caught himself thinking about the woman. Perhaps it might have been the mischievous gleem in her eyes that was easily spotted in every picture or perhaps the raunchy sense of humour not much different from his own. Pretty, witty and smart - what's there not to like?

"So that's why you've been going around, smiling like a middle-schooler with a crush," Natasha's voice whisper-shouted in Tony's ear as the spy discreetly peered over his shoulder into his phone. He had the chat pulled up, debating on starting a casual conversation-

"Jesus Christ, Romanoff, somebody needs to put a bell on you," Tony snapped, startled, pressing the button to lock his phone immediately.

"Uhuh," The redhead replied, side-eyeing a snickering Barnes. "Who is she?"

Tony rubbed his face, feeling the beginnings of a blush starting to creep in. He felt like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and the rest of the team acting like children wasn't helping the matter. "I got a butt-dial text about some wedding drama. Some chick's brother's fiance was fucking her own stepdad and ditched the wedding for her old man."

Stunned silence settled briefly into the room as Romanoff's eyes widened and Barnes choked on his orange juice. Serves him right, Tony thought, and continued his coffee-making process in quiet irritation.

"Wait, wait, hold on," Wilson half-laughed half-yelled. "You gotta spill the tea, man, this sounds too good to be true. Stories like that just don't fall into your hands."

With a sigh, he recounted the woman's story and read the texts aloud, silencing his snickering enough to be able to keep a straight face - but not for long, Rogers decided it was the time for another one of his Captain America Is Disappointed In You speeches and Tony himself couldn't even disagree.

Now that he thought about it, he came off as a kind of asshole. She and her family was going through something traumatic and he went and treated it like free entertainment. Which, to be fair, it was, but she didn't deserve to be treated like a circus clown. She actually seemed like a good sister and friend.

"Just text her," Natasha rolled her eyes at him, grabbing the coffee pot out of his frozen hand. "You're not Steve, you can keep a decent conversation via text."

Being compared to Steve and his pre-historic messaging habits really did a number on Tony's ego; the eyeroll he gave Romanoff was truly out of this world, all but teleporting him to his lab where he tried to find a way to approach the woman without coming off as incredibly creepy, as if the fact that he'd stalked her on social media didn't already put him firmly into the weirdo category.

Most likely, Tony would have spent many many days on overthinking before just grabbing one of his suits to make a truly impressive landing on her small balcony downtown; thankfully, fate had intervened and saved him from making another epic mistake. He'd made a note to ask Thor about it sometime, settling down with his tablet and popcorn bowl to watch TV on the team's movie night.

Or, more precisely, Tony settled in to watch the drama unfold as the various members of the team fought tooth and nail for the film that they wanted to watch. He never cared about it much, dozing off halfway through most of them - his teammates had the worst taste in movies - so he didn't bother joining the scuffle except when it was Peter's turn to pick. For obvious reasons.

"If you can't decide I'm gonna have someone else pick a movie," Natasha rolled her eyes, equally fed up with fully grown adults acting like spoiled toddlers.

With a stutter of his breath, Tony's hand reached for his phone as he had an Idea.

Seconds tickled as the "typing..." bubble appeared and disappeared multiple times. She must think he's just a thirsty frat boy; Tony's brow furrowed, but the curiosity was far too strong in him. Something about her vibe, her feisty nature captivated him and kept him thinking about her.

The agreement came as a surprise. In the two minutes the woman had spent thinking up her answer, Tony prepared himself to be rebuffed gently, or, worst case, be called a creep. But no - she agreed, but not before vehemently insisting that if he would end up being a creepy serial killer, she would haunt his ass for the remainder of his life.

Friday couldn't come soon enough. Tony spent most of the day loitering between his lab and the penthouse, glancing at his phone every now and then to make sure she wouldn't cancel on him last minute. The engineer wanted to see the witty, no-filter-having woman in the flesh.

And see her, he did. He'd pulled up in front of the hole-in-the wall Ramen&Bar place Clint had been raving about weeks prior - contrary to popular belief, Tony was perfectly fine with going to places that didn't have Michelin stars - and leaned against the door of his Audi R8, eyes immediately taking note of the figure calmly walking down the street, head tilted down where she was typing up a reply to him.

Tony smirked as she lifted her face up to see him, mouth immediately falling open. The shock was obvious; it lasted mere seconds until her shoulders dropped and she sighed almost... In disappointment. He frowned.

"I jinxed it, didn't I? Here's my celebrity appearance," The laugh was a little nervous and quite sardonic. "Hi, Tony, nice to finally see you."

He smiled, unsure, quipping back easily. "Let's face it, I'm not the worst famous Tony out there." Opening the door of the building for the woman, she stepped in eagerly enough, eyes immediately falling on the bartender and the few dimly lit tables in the back.

"Not by any means," She turned towards him, walking backwards. Tony met her stare; it was just like he'd imagined it to be, curious, mischievous and a little daring. She didn't even attempt to play subtle, raking over him from head to toe. "Not at all, I think," She gave another teasing smile, finally turning around, addressing the bartender and rattling off her order without as much as looking at the menu.

Tony couldn't stop staring. He was aware it was creepy, she was aware of his clever brown eyes barely paying attention to their surroundings or the beer or the food. The woman just quirked an eyebrow every time she caught him. His curiosity couldn't wait any more. "Why aren't you freaking out?" He blurted out, cursing himself out almost immediately after the words left his mouth.

"My almost-sister-in-law was fucking her own stepdad," The woman deadpanned. "I ran out of fucks to give, sorry." She thoughtfully chewed her food, briefly looking to the side. "Not to sound like an asshole, but don't you have enough people fawning over you? Doesn't it get old?"

Tony nodded, choosing to stay silent on the matter besides offering an amicable, "That's valid."

The mischief lit up again in her eyes. "You look taller on TV," She snorted, immediately falling into a fit of laughter at his face full of outrage. He sputtered, muttering something about audacity of some people, which made her only laugh harder. "Here's a pro tip from my 4'11 bestie: when someone calls you short, you snarl at them and say you're fun-sized. She swears by it," The woman remarked conversationally, grinning a two hundred watt smile.

Tony was glad at least someone was enjoying their little... Date. "And you know all about fun, don't you?" He aimed for grumpy; it came out as teasing. His famous smirk made a return appearance as he watched her throat bob.

The atmosphere between them had changed at some point; the same old routine of teasing and dancing around each other, but this time, Tony all but purred in satisfaction, finally meeting someone who was an even match to his wit and charm.

"I do," She replied with that cocky confidence, her devil eyes lighting up, lingering on his face. "Got a problem with that?"

The plate was pushed away, napkin falling into the food carelessly as he gestured for the waiter to bring the check. "As a scientist, I cannot confirm whether a theory is true until I have direct evidence," The bullshit flowed easily from his mouth, but the woman appeared to be amused by it - for a change. "M'fraid I'm gonna need that evidence," His fingers drummed on the table, impatiently, inches away from her hand.

"Of course, Mr. Stark," Her voice dropped, she was fully aware of what she was doing by calling him that. That, and those deep, magnetic eyes made Tony's trousers feel a little too tight for comfort.

His phone rang loudly, dissipating the atmosphere they had created with a shrill noise. Captain Cockblock struck again.

Fumbling fingers, Tony tapped the green icon, shooting an apologetic look to the woman. "Rogers, there better be another alien invasion or I'm revoking your phone privileges," The woman chortled, taking a sip of her beer, trying hard not to seem like she was listening in and failing spectacularly at it. "Today, out of all days? Can't Strange fill in for me?" The engineer palmed his face, running a hand through his neatly done-up hair. It would be covered in soot and sweat in an hour anyways. "Fine, I'll be there in twenty minutes. Romanoff better be hauling Barton's lazy ass out of Bed-Stuy." With a frown, Tony poked the red icon and stuffed the phone back in his pocket, looking for all and all, like an angry adolescent.

The woman, however, didn't indicate any signs of displeasure. Her hand timidly reached out for his, giving it a brief squeeze. "Go, save the world, Mr. Stark," Her smile was sympathetic. They both stood up at the same time, Tony watching her incredulously as the woman untied a scrap of red fabric from around her neck and placed it around his wrist, tying the fabric with a loose but, frankly, pretty knot. "I like that bandanna, would be a shame if you didn't return it," She explained, shrugging her shoulders.

Tony snorted, fondly rolling his eyes, before beelining for the door, activating his Iron Man suit on the way out. Turning around before take off, he noticed her throw a couple of crumpled bills to the server who was too busy ogling him.

He forgot to pay for dinner, Tony realized as he made his way to the other part of the city. Well, fuck, he would definitely have to see her again.

---

An alien invasion during her first good date in ages - scribble, scribble, sigh. She couldn't do much more than that - just as she thought her string of bad luck had ended, the world turned around and flipped her a juicy bird, all but laughing straight in her face. Like that already wasn't enough, oh no, she groused as she spied the debris and random abandoned cars on her way home - it looked like some portion of the battle had been close to her home and only the sheer mental exhaustion that resulted from her life being turned upside down during the last month prevented her from having a full-on freak-out in the middle of the eerily quiet street.

Truly, the fucks she had to give had been expired.

The gloomy mood was interrupted by a cry - for help or of outrage, she didn't know, but the kindness in her, the very values she'd been raised with didn't allow her just to walk by, and with another resigned sigh, she tucked the nice blouse she'd put on for the date under her warm sweater and set off in the direction of the sound, finding the culprit in little under a couple of minutes.

Freeing the trapped civilian wasn't easy but, thankfully, neither it required super-strength or any kind of heavy machinery. The man thanked her and with him in tow, both of them set off to inspect nearby nooks and crannies. Logic won that day - if there's was one person, there could be more.

Hours later, sweaty, sore and bruised, the woman greedily chugged the water bottle someone had passed onto her as the amount of medics and firefighters had finally reached the threshold of when her help wasn't needed anymore. While her date and his colleagues fought whatever nasty that thought NYC was a sandbox battleground for their amusement, the woman found herself helping out with retrieval & evacuation of the civilians that didn't make it out of the neighborhood before the heat of the fight reached it. There were no deaths registered as of then and deep inside, she felt proud, knowing that she had contributed to the statistic at least a little.

Her phone was dying, her body was covered in dirt and scratches from head to toe and the bruises were beginning to ache. Tony's worry-worting was cute but the tiredness overcame her, making her brain sluggish and her demeanor short, so she hastily pocketed the phone, trailing over to the closest man in uniform she could spot.

"Sir?" She addressed him, eyeing the unfamiliar logo on his jacket. "Can I go, please?" She pointed to the yellow tape surrounding the makeshift medical station.

"I'm going to have to see your ID first," He replied apologetically, tapping away on his tablet.

With a sigh, she dug through her purse, giving it to him and using the brief moment of respite to smooth back her hair and dust off her clothing. There was a cloud of concrete and dirt surrounding her.

"I'm afraid I can't let you go just yet, Mr. Stark left strict instructions for you to be picked up by him personally," The agent gave the ID back with a suspicious glint in his eye.

"Oh c'mon," The annoyed whine escaped her lips before she registered it. "It was our first date," She offered to the puzzled agent, only succeeding in making him lean back and inspect her with a raised eyebrow. "Bye," She replied none too kindly, walking off to find a place to sit down.

The time passed in a strange way. The aches and pains and exhaustion made it stop, and if someone would have asked her, she wouldn't know how much of it has passed until her eyes reluctantly cracked open at the sound of a familiar voice, coming to see a pair of expensive shoes covered in dust. At least she wasn't the only one that looked like she'd taken a roll through someone's gritty attic.

"Morning, you Tasmanian Devil," Tony sounded jovial, all things considered.

"Hello to you too, Tin Can," The woman greeted him on par, without missing a beat.

"Now, now," He offered her his hand, which she took gratefully, before pulling her to her feet. "I come with peace offerings. Your building is under quarantine and I've got a perfectly good bed and a shower with thirty settings on it at my place. Whatcha say?"

She only pretended to think about it. Her reply was haste. "I don't make a habit of going into strange dudes' towers but I'll make an exception this once." A shower and a bed sounded heavenly.

Finally getting the chance to look at him, Tony appeared to be unhurt but equally exhausted and dirty. A few scrapes on his face and arms, he was missing his blazer, and had a weary tone to his face. Some parts of his Iron Suit were still on him - like the chest plate - but besides that, he was whole. The red of the bandanna she gave him was equally dirty but still neatly tied around his wrist, just like she left it.

"How's your relationship with heights?" He asked her and all she could do was blink, watching curiously as his body was enveloped by the red and gold, crawling over his skin like a swarm of shiny termites. That was all the warning she got before the metal arms - quite literally - sweeped her off her feet. "Faster this way," She could hear the nonchalant shrug in the metallic voice coming from the helmet. "Now hold on."

Awe and fear culminated inside the woman but the weariness had long since surpassed comfortable levels and all she did was give a weak nod and close her eyes as Tony lifted off, gusts of wind making her skin break out in goosebumps and her hair stand up wildly on her head. During the short trip her eyes fluttered open only once just to close back up immediately - all she saw were clouds, white and fluffy, like marshmallows, and the shining beacons of NYC skyscrapers somewhere far away.

The paralyzing anxiety fully dissipated only when her feet found purchase on the tiled floors, Tony's arms never ceasing to support her swaying frame until the breaths she took were her own and not the result of her fluttering heart and muted panic. "You with me, Wonder Woman?"

"Yes, Weird Science," She mumbled. "Thanks for the heads up," The annoyance had to find a way out and that it did.

"You're welcome," The cocky smirk returned to Tony's face as his suit receded, leaving him barefoot, dirty jeans and a torn tee. He stretched with a sweet groan, gesturing towards the door. "Friday will direct you towards the showers. Feel free to grab a t-shirt from the closet."

The woman nodded, too awestruck by the man and his hospitality, eyes darting all over the tastefully decorated room, the expensive knick-knacks scattered everywhere, the absolutely enormous sloppily made bed. Tony Stark liked to live luxuriously - even the shower was a state of the art technological wonder.

Dirty pants and dusty blouse went flying somewhere in the back of the bathroom as the woman stood up on her tippy toes, reaching for the sky, stretching her sore muscles. The glass wall of the shower had began to fog up from the hot water. The knock went barely noticed by the woman who jumped as Tony's voice startled her out of her daydream.

"Forgot I ran out of towels here..." He trailed off, voice dropping as he spotted her only in her underwear. She turned, responding with a lopsided grin, spying the stack of fluffy grey in his arms, the arc reactor in the middle of his bare chest. He smirked, "Damn. Can I join you?" Giving her what only could be described as a respectful once-over.

Tired as she was, her sense of humour and wit didn't go down for a much needed nap just yet. "I don't know, you tell me. Can you?" Turning back around, the woman made a short show of unclasping her bra and tossing it in the general vicinity of her dirty clothing pile. She'd worn a cute matching set of undies that day and the fact didn't go over Tony's head, she was sure.

The door clicked shut just as she raised her face to the stream of water, feeling calmer with each second, muscles relaxing themselves as the hot stream washed away the dirt and the dust off her body.

"And I thought this evening was ruined," Tony's voice insinuated from behind her. A hand reached for the soap, his body heat scorching compared to the steaming water. He stayed just a few inches away, enough to feel him, enough for her body to respond and crave more. "It's nice to be wrong for a change. Refreshing."

The woman hummed, reaching up to run her fingers through her wet, knotted hair. "First decent evening in ages. I wasn't gonna let some uninvited Predator knock-offs ruin it for me," She was more than a little peeved at the space invaders interrupting her nice date. Tony was a great conversationalist, it was easy to talk to him and he had a brilliant sense of humour. Not to mention the obvious, he was easy on the eyes.

"That's the spirit," The voice was closer now, almost in her ear. Even though her eyes were closed, the woman was aware he was reaching for something, letting him butt her hands out of the way to lather her hair, scrubbing at her scalp meticulously, until the sounds that left her mouth bordered on embarrassing. Once that was done, Tony moved onto her body, running his hands over her back, the outside of her hips. "M'not stepping over, am I?" He asked quietly, touch faltering every time he brushed over a scrape or a bruise.

"No, you're doing great, Tony," It wasn't exactly conventional - sharing a very intimate shower after an interrupted first date, but then again, nothing about this man was conventional and her life had already been turned upside down no less than twice recently. The woman didn't lie, the gentle, caring touch felt soothing.

Arching her back, she lifted her arms to repay him with the same, raking her fingers through his hair, leaning into the shudder that ran throughout his body. It was nice to bask in whatever they had going on, so the motion to face him was almost reluctant. Water droplets stuck to his eyelashes and his eyes were tired but not in a way that suggested he'd kick her out first chance.

Their kiss was sweet, slow, like they already were familiar with each other in a special way. The woman tugged on his lip with her teeth - such was her character - and he pressed closer to her, raising a hand to hold the side of her face. In muted curiosity, she couldn't help but wonder if there ever had been someone that waited for him once his battles were over.

Tony's eyelashes, the very same that had no business being this long on a man, fluttered against her cheek as they stood under the shower, letting water wash away the day.

"I've always wanted to kiss in the rain, like they do in the movies. This is the closest I've gotten," She whispered, gently kneading the arch of his shoulders. "Feels better than it looks, to be honest."

Tony snorted, reaching for the knob to turn it off. "Cheesy," He teased her, wrapping a warm, fluffy towel around her body. Both people made quick work of drying themselves, exiting the fogged up bathroom, making way into the bedroom, padding soft on the carpet and falling down on the bed carelessly.

"I'm the queen of cheesy one-liners," The woman raised her eyebrows, scooting under the sheets next to Tony who opened his arms wide, a smirk on his face. She didn't give him the chance to reply, slotting her lips over his instead and groaning as their heated bodies once again rested against each other.

She ran her hands over Tony's defined pecs, glossing over the arc reactor, raked nails over his tummy, eating up the sighs leaving his mouth at the gesture. He was a beautiful man, she wasn't going to lie to herself. The warmth that settled low in her belly grew, spreading throughout her limbs and temporarily overshadowing the exhaustion.

The engineer, too, was quite excited - his erection poked her hip - and content to be steered to her wishes by the hand in his hair. Groans and sighs left his moist, parted lips as his eagerness bled into his hands, grip firm and steady on the panting woman's hips.

Adrenaline did something to her body, caused it to ache sweetly, a hunger to be satisfied only by a lover's touch. And touch she did; her mouth tasted him, alternating sucking gentle marks onto his throat and nibbling on the skin stretched thinly over his collarbones. Tony's sighs grew in depth and volume with every silent action of worship.

No inch of his body was left untouched, the woman was an all-hands-on-deck kind of lover, happily making her way down until soft lips wrapped around the crown of his cock, making his hips arch into it, hands fisted in the soft white sheets. "You devil," Tony gasped out, limbs turning to jelly, watching the woman all but devour his cock.

She popped off minutely, a trail of sticky saliva running down her chin, sticking to his glistening cock. "The power of Christ compels me?" With a smirk, her tongue trailed from his balls to the very tip, paying extra attention to the frenulum, making Tony shudder and gasp out an embarrassed laugh.

"Uh-uh," Stripped of his usual snark, he was but a man at her mercy.

"It's not very compelling," The predatory stretch of her lips widened as she took mercy on him, giving his cock a few slow tugs with her hand. Her mouth, her hand and his cock were dripping. "Gonna let me do all the legwork, Mr. Stark?" She sat up straighter, inadvertently drawing his eyes to the apex of her thighs where the woman's sex glistened in the dim light, lips swollen and inviting.

It sounded like she was mocking him, teasing him, egging him into a lustful frenzy none of them had the energy for but craved anyway. Tony Stark wasn't the one to back down from a fair challenge so he relented, flipping them over with ease, landing between her spread legs, eyes drawn to the momentary bounce of her breasts. Tony wasted no time in suckling a hard nipple into his mouth, humming in response to her choked-off moan of surprise.

"Tony," Her body arched into his touch, tender skin hot under the callouses on his fingertips.

"Yes, demon, dear?" A lopsided grin and laughter in his eyes preceded the wet stripe Tony licked down to her navel. "Wasn't there something about not telling demons your name? Guess you have power over me now," He trailed off cheekily, soft breaths puffing over her mound.

The woman bit her lip, peering down to rake a hand through Tony's hair, snagging a fistful to gently steer him towards her pussy. Tony's smile was one of satisfaction as he obediently followed her silent order, nosing along the line of her cunt, dipping his tongue to run slow, sloppy lines through the soaked folds.

"Fuck," She mumbled, spreading her legs without shame. "Yeah, right there," Her fingers turned white at the agility of Tony's tongue on her clit. He was swift and relentless in pursuit of the spots that made her moan and clench around nothing. The moisture of her sex soaked his goatee but he couldn't care less.

He growled when she attempted to withdraw, wrapping his muscular arms around her thighs to keep her still for his pleasure, wringing noises that increased in volume with every stroke of his tongue on her sex.

"Tony- please, Tony, I'm gonna-" The warning was brief; her back arched as a broken moan found its way past her moist, parted lips, her pussy spasmed, dripping all over his face and the sheets.

The engineer hid his smile against her thigh, discreetly wiping the obscene amounts of moisture she produced. It wasn't very long until her hands, slightly shaky, were tugging him upwards to meet his face in a rushed, graceless kiss. There was an equal lack of finesse in the glide of his erection along her sex.

"Okay?" He mumbled into her ear, lining himself up with her fluttering cunt.

"Please," She gasped, her hands pushing his hips onto her, eagerly lifting up to accept the sweet intrusion.

There was a quiet stutter in both of their breathing, hearts thudding against their ribs as he finally bottomed out, the thickness of him nestled snugly inside the rippling muscle. The pace he started out was agonizingly slow and inexplicably sweet, neither of them wanting to end their coupling prematurely but not being able to hold back the need that consumed them both.

"Fuck, you're so good to me," Tony's mumbling was overshadowed by the slick sounds coming from the place they were joined. "Gonna fill up this pretty pussy."

The woman keened at the idea, digging her nails into his ass, pulling him further into her.

"You'd like that?" He picked up the pace, blunt tip of his cock catching up with the tail end of her previous orgasm and re-lighting the fire in her belly anew.

"Yeah, Tony, please," No trace of the previous coyness in her voice, the woman was more than ready to beg, murder and steal to feel the man come undone in her arms.

It didn't take long, not with the adrenaline making their blood sing and the chemistry they shared. The brutal pace of Tony's hips quickly grew sloppy and erratic, the tightening of her inner muscles egging him on. He chased his release with deep, powerful thrusts that had the bedsheets rustle pitifully and beads of clear swear drip down his forehead.

As soon as her body arched once more, Tony let go of his control, slotting himself deeply into her spasming heat, cock throbbing as he painted her insides white with his seed, groaning incomprehensible compliments and profanities through his teeth. Chest heaving, the engineer couldn't do much more but let himself carefully fall onto her chest, aftershocks making him twitch when the woman began running a gentle hand through his hair.

"We're doing this again," He decided, still breathless but already a step ahead. She laughed.

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