#except for the whole unreality thing… that sucks

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Just now realizing that most of the things wrong with me are sensory issues. Visual snow? Visual processing disorder. Tactile allodynia and being physically incapable of swallowing certain fruits and vegetables as a child? Tactile processing disorder. Tinnitus and being so soft-spoken that I’m viewed as timid and talked over constantly? Auditory processing disorder. Being able to hear gifsets “clunking” and “whooshing” with every movement? Synesthesia, which is a sensory processing disorder.

No wonder I act like I’m high as a kite all the time good god.

[peachdoxie]

Thoughts on Wind and Truth, chapters 7-9 (whoa, three whole chapters!)

They brought the horse. They literally brought the storming horse. With Adolin riding it.

lmao

“No,” she said. “People stop thinking about them. They fade away after centuries… to be lost. Their sword vanishes from your world, and they wander forever.”

Well, that's sad but consistent with Realmatics, I guess. Hopefully they can fix things....

Ishnah: short, not particularly curvaceous, and with a striking tendency to use her Lightweaving to give herself edgy tattoos and black fingernails.

c'mon Shallan, step up your game. Give yourself edgy tattoos and black fingernails!

But then she thought back to a moment at the Battle of Thaylen Field where she could have sworn she’d felt the illusory versions of Radiant and Veil as if they were briefly real. It wasn’t the only time, was it? When one of her illusions had been a little too solid?

Yes, finally, this comes back! Also I'm unsure what the last sentence is referencing, if it's supposed to be calling back to something or foreshadowing to the rest of Shallan's Mysterious Past, or maybe both.

So she hugged him.

Kelek has probably needed this hug for several millennia

Yes, a rock. Dull brown. Huh. “Oh, sorry!” Leyten said. “I didn’t put that in there.” He reached for it, but Kaladin slipped it back in.

Can't wait to find out more about mysterious rocks showing up in places.

“Lusintia,” Syl said. “She’s an absolute bore. No fun at all. I didn’t expect her to join us.”

fucking foreshadowing in chapter 5 when Shallan couldn't find Lusintia. Anyway. GOOD FOR DABBID!!!!!!!!!

She sucked up the Stormlight Lashing her in place. Then, with nothing holding her up, she dropped to the beads after Adolin.

Huh. That's new. I don't think we've seen someone use a Lashing for Stormlight except the person who made it. I wonder if there's Identity fuckery going on with Shallan's "Be. Drehy" thought the line before.

All agree the first key moment came when Kaladin Stormblessed listened. Though not an Edgedancer, he did a fine impression of their oaths.

Confirming Kaladin is NOT the author of Knights of Wind and Truth and also yay, Kaladin listening!

One solemnityspren—rare indeed—spiraled up around him, like an almost invisible grey-blue serpent.

First gloomspren and now solemnity spren. Kaladin just loves attracting weird spren. No offense intended to Syl.

My brothers and sisters are mad from so long with life, but I am sane because I bathe in the blood of Radiants, which renews me.

This is definitely something a sane person would say.

“Afraid of everything,” she continued. “Terrified. Of the world. Of what might happen to my family. Most of all, of myself. I always have been.”

It's interesting to me that we now get a more full explanation of Shallan's Second Ideal, which shows that she's gone through some nice character development to be able to admit that she's afraid of herself.

Radiant formed behind the Heavenly One, made of Stormlight, her head nearly brushing the roof. A Radiant, as Shallan imagined her. Taller than Shallan, stronger, with powerful biceps and a thick neck from extensive training. Hair in a braid, rather than Shallan’s messy, fraying bun. Strong—of a different genre of strength than Shallan—with a Shardblade in hand. Abidi the Monarch laughed. “An illusion?” he said. “You think I’ll be distracted by something unreal?” He continued laughing until the Shardblade speared him from behind, spilling orange blood on his fine white outfit.

GET FUCKED

“Reality,” Shallan hissed, “is what I decide it to be.”

Go Shallan! This is also a terrifying statement!

[angelsinthejungle]

7 minutes in heaven with Iñaki

☁️ fluffy smutty ☁️

🤪 My wording can be garbage but the concept’s there I think. it’s just straight to the point. This the kinda stuff I tell only to my diary 😅 I can’t get over this boy ❤︎ ugh. Read more smut

Purple Italicized : readers inner thoughts

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷♡ ♡ ♡

It’s your second day on the job working for a partner company. You go to a big company event and then were invited to their after party. You arrive with your boss and walk up to a crowd. Iñaki is there. They are spinning bottles in groups of people. Your boss asks you to go grab her a drink and find her at a table.

You manage to grab her drink from the bar and see her done-up ponytail sitting not far. As you arrive back and scooch between your boss and the person sitting next to her a spinning bottle lands directly on you. 

You look to your boss. “Wha— are we playing?” “Go, go on,” your boss says as she snatches her drink and starts sucking it down. “Wha? Me? With who?” Iñaki stands up slowly and curiously. You turn red immediately and the whole room sees. “Aha, look at her!” Somebody points and taunts out. “Stop it.” Iñaki nudges them. 

He walks over to you, “C’mere” and grabs your hand introducing himself with his upbeat attitude. You know his name obviously, but go along and introduce yourself to him. He guides you to the coat closet. It’s a little walk away. You feel like you’re dissociating or imagining this. This seems so unreal. Thoughts race and doubts creep in. Surely he’ll just want to talk in there? He has no idea who I am. What if he doesn’t even find me attractive? 

The place is wooden and warm, the closet is small and crammed. You two stand in facing each other. Someone shuts the door. It’s dark in there except a few cracks under the door lighting enough to illuminate his dark eyes. They bang on the door, ☁️“7 minutes… starting…now!”☁️ Your pupils widen!

Goosebumps spread over your body. “Hey no pressure, let’s just see where things take us.” Iñaki says smoothly. You catch eye contact and both blush sharing an awkward moment. You’re hearing a few ambient noises from the tables of people outside. He lifts his arm and scratches his head, “Umm—” You both go to speak at the same time cutting each other’s words off. “No, no, you go!”

Come on Y/n, be bold! “Ca— can I kiss you?” Your eyes shimmer, full of anticipation and desire. “Yes,” he softly whispers; his eyes widen slightly in surprise as you immediately take the initiative, kissing his plushy lips in the darkness of the closet. 

Lightly, you trail up to his neck and grip squeezing the sides, making him light headed mixed with a rush of oxytocin. You grab his curly hair and pull. You’re full on making out. He tastes fruity, probably from some candy he ate earlier. Hands all over one another, you two are so close together the crammed closet suddenly feels spacious.

You pull away tugging his lip with your teeth. Your foreheads are touching. He can feel the lingering warmth of your breath against his lips still. He's panting like a puppy and you’re in heat, a delightful burning through your whole body. Fuck, ’m turned on. But you're chill, you play it cool.

You reach down his pants. He grabs your hand. “I— shouldn’t, uhh,” he whispers. His words are a plea, a desperate attempt to regain his composure but he didn’t tell you to stop. The conflict within him intensifies, torn between succumbing to the pleasure or maintaining control. So aroused and antsy, he caves.

Forgetting his worries he lets go of your hand. You kiss him passionately as you slide your hand down his sweatpants. ♥️ You feel him outside his boxers, rock hard, so thick and warm. God, he’s so turned on which makes your cunt drip. You grasp onto his dick making him huff out and lean into your shoulder for stability. His body tenses as you continue to push his blurry boundaries. 

"Y— you certainly know how... to test the limits…” he moans and blushes. The struggle is evident in his eyes. Your response is to continue kissing and nibbling his neck and cheeks feverishly.

His hands start to skim under your blouse. Searching and exploring your waist up to your tits. He grabs and starts squeezing— it makes him close his eyes and moan out. “Awwh,” Nuzzling into your neck shyly enjoying how your breasts feel in his scooped hands; how your nipples harden as he brushes over them. He’s fuming in pleasure! This closets’ on fucking fire. He’s so sexy giving himself to me like this.

He lets out an “Ooh!” as you shift to directly inside his underwear and grab his hard leaking cock. You pull down his pants just enough for it to spring out causing him to mewl vulnerably in your ear. The laughter and chatter of the people outside cover up his moans. You feel a hint of worry wondering how much time has passed?

Your hand is smothering and tugging his cock. Precum seeps out his swollen head, making it soooo slippery, it’s just as wet as between your tongues. You two are lip locked as you jerk him off. It feels sensational. Your edging sends waves of frustration and eagerness coursing through him making his eyes water. His pleasure reaching new heights. His grip on your shoulders tightening involuntarily.

He’s drooling and moaning into your mouth in the most intimate way. His breaths become quicker in between you kissing. He moans louder, desperately in enjoyment, “Aww Y/N awwh” Your other hand quickly grabbing the coat behind you to cover your shirt, “Yes baby, cum f’me Iñaki.”

When he cums he instinctually pushes his pelvis forward, you see his hot body squirm, releasing his orgasm. He cums and there’s a lot! It’s so creamy, warm and slippery. He then buries his curly haired head into your shoulder and starts groaning and kissing you needly. 

You keep tugging focusing on the tip, you’re high off his orgasm. His body shaking “whoa, awwh” and moaning in shock at how you’re making him feel. He looks up at you making eye contact completely bashful and vulnerable. He’s such a sweet baby boy, it’s so hott seeing him like this.

You feel kinda bad for using whomever’s jacket that was as a cum towel, sigh, woops. Your intimate moment is interrupted when you hear footsteps! Your hearts racing as you quickly get dressed and fix yourselves! Then someone swings the door open only to see you two posing nonchalant. But you’re still unable to cover that wide sly smile crossing your face in devious delight.

He pops out the closet and you follow. “I’ll see ya around.” He looks at you and blushes, then waves. The crowd of people giggling quietly while watching you two part, contemplating if you’d done anything in there. You cannot believe what just happened and you plan on telling not a soul. You walk over to your boss who’s already almost hammered and busy jabbering away at some people. She looks at you and laughs handing you her empty glass, “another please.” As you walk across to the bar you have flashbacks of Iñaki—  his body, dick, and lips, take over your minds eye keeping a ditsy smile on your face. Whoa, what a night.  

-angelsinthejungle 🫣💋 xnorwoodx

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

Oink! I loved your last post about replacing addiction to cigarettes by addiction to stinky male feet! Oink! Thats very, very hot!

Im already your obese, hairy and stinky pig with tiny co*ck but i would wish to feel more humiliation, if thats possible. To feel painful adfoction, to be stuck doing humiliating things such as serving stinky male feet or sweaty armpits unable to stop! Oink! Maybe i will find myself unable to wear any cloth except tight uncomfortable thong or i will find myself getting addicted to wearing a chastity but having painfully blue balls and only dreaming about relief? Oink! The more humiliating it will be, the better it would be for me! Oink oink!

And again, thank you for your posts! Oink!

You type your message in your phone. You thought being this far hairy beast was going to be enough but still your tiny member craves more. You need to….humiliation… addiction. You phone falls from your hands as intense orgasm shoots though your fat body. You moan in ecstasy as you’re sitting on the couch. Sitting in your own sweat. Your stomach is so tight from already you’ve wished on yourself. You rub it moaning. And that’s when you feel it. Looking though sexual bliss you see your stomach…. Get rounder. Blowing up a little more than before. Hairy getting thicker as more sweat begins to pull. The smell of your fat body gets even worse as it’s kicked into high gear. You struggle to to get up but find that you can’t. As if there are invisible hands on your body you are forced to a new stance being on all fours. You massive gut touching the floor as your manage to crawl about oinking like a proper pig. That’s when you hear the door open. Kicking your fat head up you manage to see a man. Beautiful. Nothing like you have ever seen looking down at you as he shuts the door. “My my the piggy is already ready for me!” You squee uncontrollably. English now being a second language to your natural tongue of pig. You see him take off his shoes and the smell hits your snout as something unreal. Something that makes your eyes water. He takes a seat in his chair. you lick the floor the whole way.Picking up each drop of sweat that comes off his meaty souls. When he sits down he flicks on the tv. Props a foot up and snaps his fingers and points to his feet

“Come here pig. I know you want these socks from daddy. Come on. Take a whiff of these large souls”. And he hold a massive foot. Bigger than you have ever seen before. Your pig tongue falls out of your mouth. You can’t help it as the drool begins to spill on the floor. You waddle crawl to him. Your big gut dragging across the floor. And when you get in reach of his sweaty souls he pushes his big meaty foot right in your face. “Breathe in pig. I know you’re addicted to smelling these bad boys”. He coughed a little “whew. They stink. That’s what I get for not washing them for the past month”. You’re eyes are watering as your peel his socks off with with your mouth. “Go on suck the sweat from them. You know I don’t give a pig water.” And you begin sucking the sweat from his sloppy wet sock. You do the other one the same.

On command you begin licking them clean. Tasting every day of the filth he has accumulated on them. You’re in ecstasy. In a trance by his sweaty smelly feet. He puts a large foot in your face and pushes you aside. Pulling his pants down “time to eat pig and he’s right at attention”. You dive for his member and begging to satisfy every massive inch of his 11 inch pile. And when he begins to finish you take in every drop. Your stomach churns and gurgles and you gain another 1/2 pound. He pats you on the head and says “that’s my pig slave. Now that you’ve ate I’m going to have a proper meal”. A belch erupts from you from all the sweat you just drank in. He takes off his sweaty shirt and as if on autopilot you begin to suck his suck from the shirt. Entranced by the musket taste and the stony of filth your covered in. Being a fat pig already you wanted more. You wanted an addiction. Think of yourself as an alcoholic. Only with sweat. You crave it. You need it. Going hang in hand with the juices of man. You’ll need it to stay alive now pig. And as you can tell each time you satisfy your pig urges now you’ll be forced to gain a little weight. Some ounces here. Some ounces there. Bad new for you is that inspired you with a heavy shooter and really stinky sweaty gym bro. The muskiest I could find. So get ready to bulking. You’re going to be growing daily. After all… when you’re a heavy drinker you need it daily too right ? 😈

[skaruresonic]

The idw discourse is so bad, I feel caught in the middle because each time I express how bad the storytelling is, in a new issue or how off model the characters are drawn, idw fans gang up on me. But on the other hand I don't want to be associated with the people who think think it's funny to tweet how Flynn should die or make weird assumptions about Stanley being a bad person ? Like that's weird and cruel. Hate their work not them as people.

I just decided to pretend the comic doesn't exist and it helps lol.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Idk if anyone else will tell you that, but I will, because I know how much it sucks.

One time, I saw a guy on Twitter blame us for his inability to criticize the book in what he believed was a much more "balanced" manner without getting harassed by people.

Digest that for a moment. It's our fault for other people's reaction to us. And instead of rubbing his brain cells together for a moment and questioning the reasons why this knee-jerk reaction occurs, or even reflecting on the fact that it occurs at all and perhaps realizing that the call is coming from inside the house, he fell back on old biases and decided it was the haters who were wrong.

The mental gymnastics on display here are unreal.

In this case, I think people are stumbling into the usual fallacious trap of assuming both sides carry equal weight, and thus believe that defaulting to a position of "neutrality" makes them morally superior somehow.

That's kind of what I hate about this fandom - the utter superciliousness. The rotten shit we as a fandom get up to (and no, being a little snarky in a reblog does not count as harassment) while proclaiming love and light uwu. Be nice to everyone, except those freaks over there.

"Neutrality" is in scare quotes here because it's not true neutrality, but a way of posturing to the in-group that you're not Like Us. As demonstrated by my Twitter-user anecdote, people around here don't want to say anything hater-flavored because it risks intense ostracization. That's why you have people jumping down your throat for presenting even mild criticisms. It'd be pathetic if it weren't so annoying.

I'm not talking about people who let well enough alone. I'm talking about centrists who sneer "both sides are bad," as if by distancing themselves from the situation in a smug manner, they're declaring themselves more enlightened than the rest of us.

Honestly, the other side should be just as insulted, but they're not, because this attitude only helps them in the long run.

In reality, this is more like the fishhook situation centrists have with antis vs. proshippers. Saying "this whole thing is stupid" really only benefits antis because they now have grounds to reply, "Yes, this IS stupid, don't you think proshippers are crazy for being upset at something so trivial?" while conveniently omitting the part where antis routinely send proshippers death threats and other heinous material.

Look at it from this angle: the most concrete harm I have seen their side say they've suffered is a deep discomfort and estrangement from the book. Which, yeah. That sucks. But it's also kinda on you to just click away if it makes you uncomfortable.

On the other hand, I have had legitimate crying fits because of horrible messages I received and have told people multiple times about the anon who mocked my recently-deceased mom. Which, unlike clicking away from a blog, I had no choice but to see sometimes because I was still naive enough to believe people would behave themselves in my inbox. In fact, a mutual were recently discussing our anxieties over retaliation should IDW be cancelled. There's stuff about this that you just don't want to think about because dwelling on it will freak you out.

"Both sides are bad" stings, especially in light of knowing the measures I have taken to walk on eggshells and draw proper boundaries. I literally cannot know if someone in this fandom will consider my explanations harassment and dogpiling, so I try not to reblog with commentary. On the reblogging site.

Reflect on how fucked-up that is, to feel uncomfortable adding a tag to someone's fanart because you're worried they might realize you're One of Them(tm) and shun you on that basis alone.

I won't sit here and say I've always been perfect in my conduct, but at the same time, it's just the infuriating experience of double standards all the way down. Somehow it never occurs to them that if I held them to the same standard they hold me, I could call them all out on intellectual dishonesty for refusing to engage with any of our points no matter how calmly or clearly stated because "lol ur just a hater," and tar them with the same brush as those who sent me death threats.

But ofc, things don't work out like that in the calculus of Le Sonic Discourse. It's just a rotten experience to the core.

[etherealascend]

hii it's unorcadox ^_^ how does your editing process work!!! like how do you choose what images to use, how to combine them, how to get the right "feel" etc. 👀 very curious abt ur answer

Damn, great question! Also, love your edits, Orca! (also a bit jelous abt your productivity, wish i had so many great ideas) So i present to you: a wall of text! (cw really long!)

So, many people see a great base image and then immideately get an idea of what they wanna do w/ it. I'm not like that, i ususally have an idea of an edit in mind, and then search for sometimes a few hours for a base image that may work. I have a whole tutorial-worthy process of how i always find what i need, but i digress… Most of the times, tho, i get something better than what i had in mind. I love this process, cause it's like tresure hunting for me. (ofc it's not always like that, just most of the time. Since i have a giant collection of base images i may sometimes use them). I choose my images based on the mood i wanna portray. It's always supposed to be looking kinda dreamlike and unreal, but it can also be creepy, dark, bright, etc.

When editing my favourite style of edits - fake dreamlike places - I try to make them look as real as possible, regarding color, lighting, etc, while still making them look blatantly fake regarding the composition, subject matter, etc. Ofc i don't try to perfect my lighting, since it can take away the feeling i strive for, so it's kinda based on my own feelings idk. I get really inspired by the surrealists' painting. Artists like Brent Wong, for example. Liminal spaces are already weird, so why not make them even weirder, by making the geometry non-Euclidean and subject matter impossible in the real world. Also unlike surrealist painters, i have a luxiry of making the scene like "more real" by combining actual photos in photoshop. Ofc people have been making surreal art w/ 3d programs forever now, but it still doesn't give off the same feeling real picture does, yk.

Uhh... what was i talking about... Ah, yes! I firstly make a collage, that i have in mind by this point, and sometimes it just... doesn't work out! i had discarded so many great ideas, cause they weren't turning out good. But if it works, i add shadows and highlights. I look at real liminal space photos and try to really analyze them. Like, what makes them work? the color, the quality, the blurriness? Then i add effects that works to my edit. Every edit needs it's own level of compression, sharpness, blurriness... You just gotta feel it.

Really important step. I leave my edit for a few hours, so i forget how it looks, and then return later. All the imperfections, things that don't work, etc pop out immediately. I read somewhere that the process of creating and the process of analyzing are two completely different things, and i couldn't agree more. It's annoying when you have a finished edit, and you really wanna show it to the world, but you have to wait... But it's better, than being embarrassed later that you posted something unfinished and you can't fix it now.

Ofc i make text edits as well, but they basically serve the same purpose and not that interesting to describe, cause process is the same just with a few steps skipped.

There wasn't such question, but i still wanna talk about it, cause it kinda answers "how do you get the right feel". Well, why do i make edits? Well, the world sucks ass (i don't agree w/ this statement for the most part, like friends are great, nature is buitifull, but then there are parts that just... yk...) and for me weirdcore is a sort of an escapism. I can't traverse dreamworlds mindlessly, alone or come across magical events in real world, sadly. But I can make them however i would like them to look and feel, with my characters (like deer), and my own thoughts about them, that no one except me knows. It's kinda like i actually've been there, and i took a picture. Or hell, maybe i've never been here myself, but those deer were, or invisible creatures, that are not in the shot. And i know them personally, cause i made them, they are a part of myself! And it really helps, and i'm so glad these pictures resonate with so many more people here too! I had been making these pictures without realising why for a year. I had some thoughts and heard dozens of opinins of other pople, but i hadn't had a full picture. And then a video by SuperEyePatchWolf about liminal spaces comes out, and i get it now, it was really eye opening, for me at least. It explains really well why we love unreality so much.

[heleizition]

AIGHT im back and i did the reading and i need to know e v e r y t h i n g about the naruto au im not even fucking around. the amount of times ive fixated on that shit despite never finishing it is unreal. also which one was the one that got beheaded? because thats superb shit and i require more information to rotate them in my mind

HIIIIIII thank u so much for this ask i saw it at work and i was SO EXCITED to get home and tell u all about a) the naruto au b) eden who's the one who gets beheaded :3

BTW you can find the art i did of my ocs by checking out the tags on my blog of their name (ex nell art is under #nell, vik's is under #vik ...)

i'll start with eden !!! he's my token white haired guy (altho i have also a white haired girl in the same group of oc lol) to whom i do many terrible things. ever since i created him he's had a scenario where his neck got hurt (electric shock to his neck, knife injury, beheading to simply head explosiong lmao). he's an angel in the angel/demon scenario and the village's doctor in the farm au :3 he's always some sort of healer ! (he's that one "im a healer but... *cocks gun*" meme)

in the angel au he has extraordinary healing powers that antagonists want for themselves until they realise eden is not gonna give under the pressure and side with them so they behead him/make his head explode. not quite sure whcih one yet <3. except he doesn't die bc his power is more. body manipulation than healing and it acts by itself and stitch him back together . its a very traumatizing process but in return he destroys the other guys : D he's often nell's best friend in aus... moody guys who become menaces together. he was supposed to end up w jasper when i very first made him but eh !!!

THE NARUTO AU

okay so . disclaimer most of what i know of naruto is memories from what i watched when i was a young teen and a lot of sakura centered fanfics ive read the past few months lol

the story focus on on genin team but for the sake of the story ill jst go and talk abt the others too :

a) main genin team is nell, vik, lena and their teacher abel

b) second genin team is belly, jasper and eden with their teacher noah

c) cody is basically tsunade, titania is a civilian from a noble family who has a whole side story with lena lol

nell and belly (twins) are illegitimate kids from a clan's girl, who possess the clan's kekkei genkai. no i dont know what it is yet it's not even relevant to the story SEFJSEFOSFJOE

once their mother die they're put under the care of their mother's clan, where they're not rly treated well,,,, belly is a natural as using the clan's technic while nell isn't,,, they stick together but they're treated different and it sucks. tbh nell and belly's ways of dealing with family trauma is a recurring theme in all of the universes they're part of...

nell's fighting style focus on ice jutsu mostly, he's not a powerhouse but he's deadly. belly is more of a brawler type but i havent figured it out much yet :]

vik is an orphan who was groomed into roots (in universe it's a secret unit of ninjas like anbu but it's controlled by danzou who's a fucker and stole kekkei genkai including sharingans by STEALING DEAD PEOPLE'S EYES), who want's belly & nell's clan's kekkei genkai, and who's sent to pass as a new genin in nell's team to gain his trust and kill him and take his eyes,,, theres prob something going on to take belly's also but i havent gotten that far lol

lena (my BABYGIRL) is a civilian, born from a big player merchant family, who's supposed to inherit her parent's role but does Not want to :] she's lovely she's great she has a lot of chakra that she uses for summons (tigers!!!) and also she IS a powerhouse (uses . axes). not the most usefull of spy missions lol i love her <3

abel, in most of my stories, is a big brother figure to most of the kids especially nell,,,, i have not figured out yet what exaclty he does in this au BUT he and cody are old buddies and are destined to be together in all of my aus. anyway

quick other stuff, belly is very angry in hte beginning like her brother and does not know how to work with a team, jasper is kind and gentle and has to learn how to deal with her, also later masters mokuton (tree/plants jutsu) (which makes him very precious and rare), eden is once again a healer in this except he also works with poisons. bitch

and their teacher, noah, also works in torture and interrogation which will come up later.

basically the story follows nell's team as they meet and start working with each other, vik realising that maybe he's doing something that he shouldn't, almost kills nell once when infiltrating his living place but manages to get out when he hears belly coming in, discovers the power of friendship, then they're sent in the death forest for their chunin exam, antagonist guy sends more roots agents bc vik can't do the job, vik protects nell and lena, spills as much of the beans as he can before the seal in his throat starts to paralyze him, nell holds on to him for dear life and fights the other roots, lena gets one of her summoned tiger to go find eden and his team who save the day & also vik...

once vik is saved he cooperated with t&i and noah, who works on the case, adopts him,,, all is well. its not much . i feel like i had more thoughts lmao but its all messy in my head <3 thank u for reading

[kieuecaprie]

KieueCaprie's List of Games Finished in 2023: Entry 10

tfw Tumblr still doesn't have spoiler tags because there's a bunch of games in this entry that I want to talk about in full.

#26: Etrian Odyssey 1 HD

Finished When? 11/7/23

What's Finished? Main Story

Platform? PC

I didn't get into the Etrian Odyssey franchise until the 3DS era with Etrian Odyssey 4, which was pretty good by the way. I enjoyed creating my own party of adventurers and going out into the world to slay monsters and solve the mysteries of Yggdrasil (or whatever World Tree they explore through).

Then I moved onto Etrian Odyssey Untold, which was a remake of EO1 with a more story-focused cast of characters but with an option to play the game in Classic Mode. I also liked the it.

And then I fell off. Not because I hated the series but because other things took my attention and it fell by the wayside.

Then cue Atlus saying they're porting Etrain Odyssey 1, 2, and 3 to PC and now it caught my interest again, especially due to the fact that there's a potential for modding in there! So I picked up the bundle and started playing with EO1HD.

I will say that it was fine, I was treading old ground so nothing was really new to me and while I still like it, I feel like it has parts where it overstays its welcome, especially towards the end, and, of course, the music was just the classic music, not Untold, which kinda sucks but whatever.

It's fine for what it is and I can now say I've completed a version of classic EO1.

Now, I just wish Picnic mode wasn't super heavy-handed in its changes to enemies because taking 20% damage from them seems too much. Atlus REALLY loves making their beginner modes SUPER easy for some reason and I don't know why they do this.

#27: My Friendly Neighborhood

Finished When? 19/7/23

What's Finished? Story

Platform? PC, Steam

This game was on my radar for quite a while ever since that one Steam Next Fest (I think?) had a demo for it, on top of seeing tweets (sorry, X-cretes) of it on my feed of the developer working on bits and pieces of it.

When it finally came out, I went to go pick it up and while the price was a little higher than I initially expected, I'm glad to have paid the price of admission for it! The characters are memorable (I mean, they are when you have to listen to them prattle on about the mail for the entire playthrough), the gameplay feels like I'm playing a Resident Evil (not the super action-packed ones) except with puppets and the fact that there are cheats in a game in 2023 is something that I never thought I'd see.

On top of that, I enjoyed how it essentially deconstructs the whole mascot horror formula and makes its own where the mascots in question aren't out to kill you, at least, it seems that way, and aren't trying to eat your pancreas or whatever.

This game is great and would definitely sit on my list of favorite games this year.

#28: Pikmin 4

Finished When? 22/7/23 (First completion), 24/7/23 (True 100%)

What's Finished? Game complete, True 100%

Pikmin is one of my favorite Nintendo franchises that I wished did not get shot in the head by a game that just feels tedious. Fortunately, Nintendo finally dug up the grave and brought it back to life (Now do it for Chibi-Robo, PLEASE.) for Pikmin 4, something that took 10 years to add a dog.

I played the demo and loved it, even went out of my way to not meet the 1500 sparklium limit just so I could experience all the caves, the controls feel great, Oatchi is baby and I love himb, and the levels you have to go through are quite beautiful to see on the Switch, all of this running on Unreal Engine too.

I have quite a bit more to say about this game so I'm gonna have to say that there's a Read More below that will spoil Pikmin 4 for you if you click on it. (EDIT: lmao nevermind, clicking expand on the post in the feed also expands the read more so now I have to make a separate post)

#29: Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

Finished When? 1/8/23

What's Finished? Normal Mode Story

Platform? PC, Steam

When I first heard this game was only coming to PS5, I unanimously decided to just.. not. Just not. This was because I could not get my hands on a PS5 and that it was terribly expensive and getting a console for one singular game these days feels like a waste, so I decided to just not talk about this game so as to avoid the algorithm.

This was so I wouldn't get spoiled on anything beyond what was shown in trailers and also so I wouldn't get an ALL BOSSES & ENDING (NO DAMAGE) video on my Youtube feed by some jerk who decided to plaster the face of the final boss in the middle circle and call it a day. Surprisingly, this actually worked and I never heard about this game again.

Then Sony decided to port it to PC and I jumped on it because now I can actually play it. Of course, I decided to wait until I was done with Pikmin 4 first before I moved on and I'm glad I did.

I'm really glad that I was lucky enough to have a PC that could just power through some of the issues the game had, although it still had a few issues such as geometry not loading in and the occasional time where I would clip through the ground and die for no good reason, but I was able to play through the game from start to finish.

Was it worth not spoiling myself for however many years? Probably. It was a short game but I got my money's worth. Rivet is cute, Ratchet is great as ever, and the fact that the game completely ignores the remaster of the first game is also great, mostly because that game kind of ruins Ratchet's character development that he went through.

Also, on my birthday, I was given a Dualsense controller (Lemme say that I didn't know what I wanted for my birthday, it's hard to do so these days...) and I must say the adaptive triggers did change up the gameplay quite a bit, priming a shot with a half-press and clicking it all the way in to fire. I initially thought it'd be overhyped as all hell but no, it felt pretty good to use, add to the fact that it has touchpads much like the Dualshock 4, which means that it'd be the perfect companion to my Steam Deck as well as enabling a much easier time of gyro gaming on PC (one of my issues with gyro gaming was simply not having an easy way to toggle the gyro on and off and I was not about to give up one of the face buttons for gyro-ratcheting).

All in all, game's great, was worth the wait, and I'm surprised at how well it ran and looked on the Steam Deck running at 30 FPS @ 800p. Perhaps I judged 30 FPS too harshly.

#30: Nerf Arena Blast

Finished When? 5/8/23

What's Finished? Single-player campaign

What prompted me to play this? Why did I choose to play this? Simple. Nostalgia, among other things.

This is probably one of the times where nostalgia really screwed me over.

The feel of the game is great, I loved the 90's aesthetic of there being some sort of nerf arena and playing as an up-and-coming team, the first few levels were pretty nice to play through too, but that's where everything kind of stops.

Also, this game is... well.. it's a game filled with slow-moving projectiles and bots that are dumb as bricks one minute and ultra try-hards the next is not my idea of fun. Not to mention that the game began to feel tedious as I kept pushing through the campaign.

Sure, I'm probably asking for a lot from a licensed kids game from the 90's/00's but Unreal Tournament had a lot more to offer than just deathmatch, ballhoopmatch, and speedrun, I wish they had done more than just those modes.

Speaking of the modes, I've found Ballblast to be extremely tedious to play through. It felt like it'd drag on and on and on and on and on and on until someone FINALLY finds the six dragon balls, shoots them through a hoop, and then collects the seventh one and shoots it through a hoop to FINALLY end the game. I have to ask, who the hell decided it would be a good idea to make it UNTIMED? There's a VERY good reason why objective gamemodes with the ability to disrupt those capturing has a timer, it's so that, at the end, the game can end and the winner be found.

But these games could drag on for ages, compounded by the fact that the bots, despite being masterful gods of leading projectiles, are stupid, somehow even dumber than Unreal Tournament's bots, and will take forever to go to the hoop and shoot balls into a hole.

BUT, I will give credit where credit is due, Pointblast, which is deathmatch but points, is a neat idea where you go around slaying people like normal BUT they drop points that you have to pick up BUT it can also be stolen meaning that you could get 1st place killed and steal the 1000 point drop from someone else. I like this idea, I like how it essentially changes the pace from sitting around camping to a more frantic slugfest, which I appreciate because when I played through Unreal Tournament, most of my problems could be solved with either a Flak Cannon to the face or pulling out the sniper rifle and just headshotting everyone from a safe place.

Speedblast is... interesting. I like the idea of running through the map, shooting others to stop them from capturing checkpoints, and finishing before everyone else. Maybe it's just me, really, because while I do like the idea of it, the execution was often less than stellar and the maps that had ways to disrupt without having to kill people were very few and that kind of makes me sad. Is it a stupid gamemode? Yes but I applaud the devs of the time for trying to make something new for a change.

All in all, this game is very flawed and somewhat poorly aged but it has some decent points to it and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy my time with it at all. I really did have at least a bit of fun with it, even though I did not appreciate the game quitting on me after I finished the final level and it blasting my ears off with the ultra-loud video that plays.

And it also has a niche cult following that helpfully has a community patch that allows it to be played on modern systems, so clearly it has something going for it that I may not have found for myself. And that's okay, you know?

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[nixierain]

Vent post. You don't have to read

I wanna talk about random fucked up mental shit Bruh, I've been stuck in a kinshift for like really long... There are still probably several differnt voices in my head... I wish it was ones I knew... I kinda miss the other voices back in my head from 7th grade because they were SO much nicer... Except Darkness, hes a bitch. But Death, Olive, Melody and Ruby were actually nice enough. Some of them were sadistic, but still. Speaking of sadism, I just randomly get sadistic... And like one second I'll be A ok, the next I'm a fucking mess thats spiraling... I mean I guess thats BPD for you, it still suck though OH and the "Seeing and hearing things others cant see"... They've FINALLY gotten a bit better die to my meds... But when they do come around, it seems more vivid than eariler. I mean I like the aditory ones, those are like pretty music now, but the notifactations and (rarely) voices confuse me and cause anxiety. I've alwasy had these kinds of things I guess... I remember when I was little I used to hear scratching on my window when nothing was there. UGH Everyone calls me Schizophrenic. I HATE it, sure I'm delusional as fuck and "See and hear things others cant" Shit... Forgot what I was gonna say... Well see if I can remember it

Ha, my meds are working a little too well, to the point where my depression and everything is masked to myself, underneith this fake facade I've put up, I still am depressed as fuck, it shows in my drawings and writing.

I've had two identity crisis's in the past not even a year, and I've lost touch with myself more than that, not to mention the unreality episodes. At this point, disconnecting from reality is one of my HORRIBLE coping mechanisms...

This is weird, but I'm starting to HATE summer Vacation cause its SOOO fucking boring, I dont have anything to do all day, so I'm just sitting around. Funny thing is that boredom triggers my depression and causes me to fall back into suicidal ideation and more unmotivation, and like everything.

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to high school at my district, cause middle school almost killed me...But I wont be bored hopefully and people wont harass me more... And if they do, hopefully the school will do shit about it. Ha.... Middle school sucked... Lots of trauma.. And now I have tics, it sucks. I also accedentally pushed people I loved away because of my affection styles and overclinging. I do this out of care and the fear of being abandonded. My therapist says my fear of abandonment isnt irrational, cause there are deep roots trauma that caused it, she just says that I go to extremes.

HAHAHA I'm going insane... No one will see me as the gender I identify as, or the name, I'm stuck being a girl named .... Omg this is long

I wish I could just turn off whats left of my emotions, or have better control over them.

Oh don't even get me started on my damn religion, that... thats intresting.... But I think I have a soulbond or smth with my guardian spirit (I think he's my guardian spirit) cause if someone asks a question to him, I just blurt out the answer. Though Raven's chill, he's cool and very nice, probably the second nicest entity in my room (Second to Will)

Its kinda funny though, I have a personality disorder, a mood disorder and a language/communication disorder. I'm a whole package... Just not neurodivergent. But don't worry, I'll be ok... I hope

Yeah I'm cutting myself off here

[om-gay]

AmazonBot - What is Bezos up to ?

Yet another shitty corporate bot sucking up data and probably for another LLM

Every time this happens I get unreasonablly upset about it, a company deciding that things on the internet are theirs to hoover up to repackage and resell, are the same kind of bros that think consent is given because you were too drunk to say no at a frat party.

I don’t have a problem with crawlers as long as their intentions are right, the internet is for sharing, I want to share my things with the world and if your bot comes to index my site in search results that’s cool. I allow plenty of crawlers that I know of to come as often as they like, I in fact encourage projects like the Internet Archive to take what they want.

# Allow the internet archiver to access my whole site User-agent: ia_archiver Allow: / User-agent: archive.org_bot Allow: /

The act of having a .fr domain already says yes, I want the BnF to take a copy and preserve it, even the cringe shit from 2001.

What I absolutely take exception to is assholes like Sam Altmann crying that they should be able to fuck over everybody because their business of making plagarising machines doesn’t work if people don’t want their work to be plagarised.

Back in 2022 I found Salesforce had a bot that went wild on one of my sites and started to try and break into the comments section, it took months to get an answer from them but I had to threaten them on two fronts - copyright and GDPR. The work to do this is unreal and most of the time they’ll back down as my copyright policy is pretty clear Attribution, Non Commercial, Share Alike. GDPR is also a clear one if they’re collecting information to build profiles without consent, which is exactly what Salesforce does.

But again, this takes my time and I shouldn’t have to do this, I shouldn’t have to figure out what asshole bots are being created daily. Our dipshit governments that are far too busy trying to break encryption should be coming up with a legal framework to put a limit on what companies can take, allow legitimate uses such as research, while forcing an opt-in solution for anything that isn’t simple search index. There are much better people on this planet that could give the pros and cons of this kind of thing and write a proposal that respects the openness of the internet, while restricting the capitalist theft machines.

But what is BezosBot upto ? Probably wants us all to piss in bottles, but it claims Amazonbot is Amazon’s web crawler used to improve our services, such as enabling Alexa to answer even more questions for customers.

We can guess that rolling my blog at 3h in the morning and hoovering up my entire LiveJournal archive has absolutely nothing to do with shopping tips and would be an indication that the world’s data monster is probably trying to make line go up with their own rendition of a LLM.

Bref, this means I have to send yet another stern email to force them to delete everything they just captured and never do it again.

[adepressedartist]

Watch me ex half a bottle of mead, trying to sleep easy today.

Honestly close to relapse, I've been close to crying all day. Today has been really bad. My mental health has been going extremely south, mainly because I'm suspicious and cautious, and had been overthinking a lot lately. Also my hallucinations r fucking up my ass again, and i need to remind myself that I'm still v much capable of seeing the difference between real and unreal. But the fact that i saw a big ass fly in my room with no explanation where tf that came from, plus ferret not being able to see it for quite a while fucked so much with my head that I'm not believing myself now. Childhood trauma, when nobody ever believed you, and all you said was ALWAYS wrong, even when proven right ✨

Untreatable mental illness sucks. I got a terrible headache because i drank almost nothing the whole day, except for the mead now because honestly the voices are so loud right now, and the fact that I got easy access makes it worse. But hey, at least I'm less suicidal then I was at the weekend where i disappeared from my best friends birthday party because a really close friend had died on the second this month. And only one from three persons noticed that something was wrong and that i didn't just use the swings on the playground for almost an hour. Out in the freezing cold. With my whole face covered in tears.

I spent her whole birthday trying not to cry even once, because how the fuck could i tell her "yeah, so, I'm just gonna sit in a corner now because one of my friends died!" When it's her big day, celebrating after over 5 yrs. How could i tell the only one that noticed, ruining the day for him more than everything already did, let alone bc of his knee pain. You know what's the best thing? It reminded me of how perfectly i can mask. Wanting to kill and hurt myself in unspeakable ways, close to losing any control i got left, but not a single second showing any of it, instead celebrating as if I don't have a worry in the world.

But I'd rather be suicidal rn than depressed, bc suicidal means no feelings at all most of the time snd i really don't wanna feel yhe feelings I'm feeling rn because they're painful as fuck. And make me amgry at the same time, because I'm hyper safe aware and know how i could fix it, but can't manage to do it/can't make it work, and I'm just watching myself decay while i screwed up a ton shit of things. Maybe meeting my buddy tomorrow will help me.

Rest in peace D, I hope you'll find happiness. I hope no one can ever hurt you again, and I hope I'll get the chance to apologize to you when it's my time. I'm sorry i didn't get your calls because my number is no longer active. I'm sorry I won't make it to your funeral. I hope you'll find peace, and your girlfriend that left us too soon, just like you. That you may find your cat that ran away 7 years ago, and greet your dad that's been patiently waiting for you.

[themindelectricdemo4]

IIM putting my claws itno that skin. like nails on a chalkboard babyyy!!! Cuz If u leave im just gone!!!! & maybe thats what ppl would want!! But i cant think about them right now. idont have the headpsace to. except you. you you you only only ylou. ok. because i know no one cares or thinks about it but if youre REALLY the only thing im need to stay alive for its something. who cares. im trying my fucking HARDEST OK & sure i have hands around my ankles like stupid shackles that stiill wont break off but im just tryingto keep my head up. they ever present. but just ignore it!!!!! ignore it. but i still think i see a bit of shade whne i see you. & yeah it sucks. like i said thoug hreally....the best i can do .....ignore ignore ignore. cuz its really only you thats thee for me at the end of the day & thats ok. even if im fed lies cuz u literally only tell me the truth cuz if i didnt have that!!! i wouldnt know what to believe!!! & thak fucking god for that!!! like u know when we are linked. by soul or heart or whaeveter. (lol like pokemon). then i have to be with you. & i wrote this but it was "scary", its multidimensional, ii was already predisposed to this so its really no ones fault but uh......like whoever thought conceiving ME was a good idea lol.....but anyways i dont wanna put that guilt on anyone, cuz really what matters at the end of the day is YOU SAVED ME. & i saved you. which is crazy to think or believe. but its like..."magical", eeven if thats such a dumb way to put it & kind of like minimizes the whole thing, yeah just sounds like some cartoon kids show. FATE or whatever. other kiddy show tropes. but seriously like.....we came across each other FOR A REASON. IN EVERY. SINGLE. WORLD. The chances of that are like, FUCKING...astronomical low, so astronomical low its fucking unreal. i could sit & ponder the math forever, genuinely forever, until the day i die, but thats wasting time when i could spend it with you. its literally what i think i was made for at this point. maybe you too ....no...lol...i wont go about assuming that, cuz i cant ever know about you specifically in that sense...just whatever you tell me about you, you know , like what you tell me. & im litterally looking at you as i type this('you because i cant look at your face...cuz im shy .....nice fuckin shoes u got there nerd....) dissociates into your god dam nknee cuz !!! m respectful. hey!!! (doesnt know what you just said) but anyways if you just take me tonight & forget al lthis dumb stuff then thats cool. just be wary i might have to slice my stomach open. dont worry about it

[rubberduckyrye]

Oh man!!!

I do love me the Tragedy of the Twins and the unsympathetic tragedy of Kenzo becoming the monster that once abused him. Delicious stuff I tell you--I'm really happy that so far I haven't gotten anyone accusing me of trying to make Kenzo sympathetic by acknowledging the cycle of abuse and that Kenzo was, himself, a victim. That doesn't excuse ANYTHING he did, ofc.

Yeah when I was developing him, I wanted to make sure people saw Kenzo as a monster but never associate him with one of the "bad" disorders. I also don't want to make him sympathetic, either, by dwelling on his backstory and what made him into the monster we love to hate.

I never plan on getting married (AROACE FTW) so I luckily don't have to worry about that. I totally get it though, it REALLY sucks that the government is so against disabled people... I think there shouldn't be discrimination against disabled people who are married like that's the weirdest thing. So like is the Government expecting the partner to pay for everything??? In this economy??? In this day and age? Damn what a backwards mindset.

I'm jealous you got out of your wheelchair though I am still struggling with my back problems orz But I'm glad you got better, even if you're not sure how! Still, it might be worth reconsidering disability benefits. Even if one day you find someone and get married, it might be worth getting them asap if you believe you can't work. Even temporary assistance is still assistance.

I couldn't tell you who my first soulbound was because I had so many "imaginary friends" as a kid it's unreal nfsknfjkds

Oh nice! Thank you for that information, it's very helpful! :D IT sounds like a whole lot to deal with though. Still, good information to keep in mind!

Oh man, I bet--though tbh I actually don't think Junko has ASPD. Not in the sense that you might be thinking of--because she doesn't actually seem to disregard the feelings and safety of others. In fact, it's the fact she does care about other people that drives her despair, since she's literally performing the greatest acts of self harm and sabotage due to her over-analytical brain making the world around her so boring that she can't feel anything except the pain of self loathing and despair. Honestly when you realize she is self harming (trying to make herself feel Despair (AKA Anything) to be free of the boredom) she becomes more of a cautionary tale of how hyper intelligence can lead to extreme self destruction--and maybe about how the world failed a literal genius where, had the world not failed to help her, she could have brought a golden era of humanity to the world. But I might be getting to analytical here LMAO

Anyway I mentioned before that I can kind of relate to Junko now, and that's via my ADHD. So naturally I'm giving her the most Severe Case of ADHD known to man. (I don't like giving my villains the "bad" disorders so even Junko cannot be given this in my stories fdjklgndfkgjs)

I actually had a little joke about that when the Despair Mascot! Kokichi stuff was a thing, where there was a joke an anon made about Mikan suggesting Kokichi had ADHD and Junko realizing that SHE had ADHD and wanting to be on the strongest dose. Then she's pacified because her brain can finally calm TF down.

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[fearofmusic1979]

The anticapitalism of Ursula K. Le Guin and Kim Stanley Robinson

[DESCRIPTION: A quote from Ursula K. Le Guin's The Dispossessed (1974): "He tried to read an elementary economics text; it bored him past endurance, it was like listening to somebody interminably recounting a long and stupid dream. He could not force himself to understand how banks functioned and so forth, because all the operations of capitalism were as meaningless to him as the rites of a primitive religion, as barbaric, as elaborate, and as unnecessary. In a human sacrifice there might be at least a mistaken and terrible beauty; in the rites of the moneychangers, where greed, laziness, and envy were assumed to move all men's acts, even the terrible became banal (pg. 105)."

A quote from the introduction to “April in Paris” from The Wind’s Twelve Quarters (1975), Ursula K Le Guin: "“Professionalism” is no virtue; a professional is simply one who gets paid for doing what an amateur does for love. But in a money economy, the fact of being paid means your work is going to be circulated, is going to be read; it’s the means to communication, which is the artist’s goal (pg. 20)."

A quote from Kim Stanley Robinson's Red Mars (1992): "Anyway, that's a large part of what economics is – people arbitrarily, or as a matter of taste, assigning numerical values to non-numerical things. And then pretending that they haven’t just made the numbers up, which they have. Economics is like astrology in that sense, except that economics serves to justify the current power structure, and so it has a lot of fervent believers among the powerful (pg. 298)."

A quote from Kim Stanley Robinson's Red Mars (1992): “... there’s all kinds of phantom work! Unreal values assigned to most of the jobs on Earth! The entire transnational executive class does nothing a computer couldn’t do, and there are whole categories of parasitical jobs that add nothing to the system by an ecologic accounting. Advertising, stock brokerage, the whole apparatus for making money only from the manipulation of money — that is not only wasteful but corrupting, as all meaningful money values get distorted in such manipulation (pg. 299).”

A quote from Kim Stanley Robinson's Red Mars (1992): "The encroachment on that set of rules has begun everywhere, like a parasite feeding on the edges of its host organism, because that’s what the replacement set of rules is, the old parasitic greed of the kings and their henchmen, this system we call the transnational world order is just feudalism all over again, a set of rules that is anti-ecological, it does not give back but rather enriches a floating international elite while impoverishing everything else, and so of course the so-called rich elite are in actuality poor as well, disengaged from real human work and therefore from real human accomplishment, parasitical in the most precise sense, and yet powerful too as parasites that have taken control can be, sucking the gifts of human work away from their rightful recipients which are the seven generations, and feeding on them while increasing the repressive powers that keep them in place (pg. 380)!”

[sonofthesaiyans]

Eren killed his own mother.....

Hey to those older fans out there, do you remember Roseanne? Do you remember why its original finale was so despised? 

To those too young to remember, do you know what it was so despised? Or maybe you have a better memory of something else like, How I Met Your Mother? 

Why did they suck? Because they changed everything the series built up for absolutely no valid reason except for a bunch of last minutes twists that had not been even slightly hinted at at any point prior. Making everything from before feel irrelevant. 

And THAT is Hajime Isayama’s Fumbling in a nutshell: He changed every fucking thing the series was built on and tampered with whatever its meaning from the beginning was. 

I’m not saying anything new here, but Eren Yeager sending Dina to eat his mother so Eren would follow through on his plan for global genocide is one of the most fucking idiotic things this author could’ve done, and that’s saying something! Especially on a blog dedicated almost solely towards condemning Garbage Braun and the entire Sasha affair. Like seriously, how does this make any sense? 

Eren murdered his own mother for his own ends. So him being motivated by that entire trauma rings pretty goddamned hollow, as does Grisha’s sacrifice in the entire thing, entrusting his son to do right by the Eldians only for us to realize that it was all one massive deception. From a time unrealized! So if Future!Eren did all this shit, what was history like before this motherfucking time loop was set in motion? How was it set in motion! 

There’s so much wrong with this revelation that I cannot adequately express it in words, but it made up of like twelve different levels of wrong. It sure raises a lot of questions of Eren’s failure to save many of his comrades and why he spared others. Yeah, why did he go out of his way to protect his remaining friends again if it meant him getting his head sliced off thus ending his plans for global destruction? 

How does the cunt feel about his own mother if he was willing to do that for his own plans? Everything just makes his goddamned plan which only resulted in Paradis getting leveled later feel so convoluted. How does any of this add up? No this doesn’t come in full circle, it’s just going in fucking circles. 

And is that what AOT’s big endgame is? It’s just one big fucking circle? All that cycle of violence bullshit is one thing, but doesn’t everyone appreciate why the time loop as a whole DOES NOT WORK? Imagine how much more sense this season might have made if that was never there. As is, what goddamned purpose did it honestly serve? 

Carla’s death is what triggered all of this. Suggesting that it was all premeditated REALLY cheapens Eren’s motivations and everything he was before he kissed Historia’s hand (That’s also idiotic, btw, the kiss that doomed humanity, somebody just hit me with a fucking brick). So in the end Eren is just a fucking sociopath with a bloodlust only matched by his entitlement to a girl he treated like dirt? 

Guys, writing this shit is making my brain hurt. And I can’t imagine what was going on in the studio when this fool wrote this final chapter. When somebody gets some answers from him, we all deserve to hear them. But it sure reinforces my case that season four needs to just be written out as non-canonical. That seems like the cleanest fix. 

If you don’t know where this story REALLY ended by now.......You must be an anime-only. And now I need a cold drink. 

Fucking time loops, fuck that noise. 

[boredom-thingy]

I know I've been venting a lot lately but my posts aren't seen a whole lot so whatever

But no one talks about how entirely unreal in a negative way not being able to remember most or all of your childhood is. I'm a young adult. I can barely remember the last few weeks, much less the last few years of my life. I'm missing almost my entire childhood with the exception of random memories here and there.

And it feels like I'm missing a huge ass piece of myself. Because I kinda am. People adapt pieces from others around them growing up. A lot of people, especially my age, can look at themselves and point at things and be able to know who they came from. What they came from. I can't do that. I'm slowly finding out that even the things I thought were normal about my family or "just me being me" about myself are not normal. Are not just strange one off because I'm funky. They're clear cut signs that I'm not okay and never was. But I can't remember why. There's clearly a reason, but I don't remember it.

It feels like I'm reaching for something that not there sometimes. It feels like I'm throwing myself into a void hoping to come back with something. It feels like I'm the void, that I just suck things in never to be seen again. I feel like I don't know who I am, who I was, or who I'm going to be. It feels like my entire existence is based on something I can't even remember. It feels like someone took the dishes that were my memories and just. Smashed them. And then stomped on them. And threw away the majority of the pieces. Leaving me with random pieces that I don't know what they're even supposed to be or look like. Or leaving me with gaping holes. Or just nothing at all.

And the amount of dissociation that causes. The amount of time distortion from wondering what happened to the me I thought I knew. The amount of listening to stories about myself and wondering who that person was. Because it feels like I don't know. It feels like I'm listening to stories about someone else because I don't remember. I can't remember. No matter how much I try.

No one talks about how not being able to remember that much of what was supposed to be your life makes you feel like you're not real anymore. It makes it feel like you're not solid, like you're invisible and it allows for the strangest new fears to creep in. I'm always scared that somehow, all of this was a literal fever dream. A coma dream. Or somehow, I'm suddenly invisible and all the people I knew and loved can't see or perceive me and don't remember me. That I don't matter and never did. All because I simply don't feel real.

I see those things telling you to work on yourself, to let your inner child out; saying college is the time to figure out who you are. But most people have an idea of that already. I feel like the blank screen a writer stares at. The blinking cursor the only indicator that something may come to be. No history, no previous story, nothing to draw on for inspiration. Just. Blank. I don't have the memories, I don't know who I am. And it's fucking terrifying. And painful. And it causes so much dissociation and derealization.

I want my memories back. But what if they're gone for a reason?