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spectacularlyignorantt · 3 years ago

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For Young Royals ff writers

I started reading YR fanfiction and I noticed people using Spanish in several occasions. Since it’s canon from the show I think it’s amazing authors are trying to incorporate it but sometimes it doesn’t sound as natural. As a writer I know is really hard and also brave to work around something you don't know. That being said, I hope this guide is helpful.

1. I want to address something important because it is kinda offensive: they’re not Spanish. There’s a difference between language and nationality. Since both Omar and Carmen -Linda- have Latino heritage, is proper to assume the family comes in a way or another from South America. I read a bunch of fics in which people referred to them as Spanish, but they are Latinos. Spanish music, culture and cuisine are rather different. Please take this into account.

2. Pet names: really cute but also kinda cringy when it's not well executed. 'Mi amor' means my love. It's normal from a parent, it's serious coming from a 16 yo boy to another. I would use it when the relationship gets serious and try to not overuse it. If they are older and married, go for it. An older Crown Prince Wilhelm would totally make his husband blush by calling him mi amor. Mi vida (my life) is not frequent coming from a parent, less serious believe it or not and really nice. But also I wouldn't use it if you are trying to make one of them swoon for the other. It's not as romantic as it sounds in English. Bebe means baby, of course. I think it's cute, this one you can totally overuse. Sounds fresh and young, I think Simon would go for bebe and Wille would die every time. I know darling it's pretty normal in English, but cariño sounds way too motherly to me. I would only use it between Willmon if they are older and married. Cielo means sky, which sounds weird, I know. But some people use it as a pet name. Mi cielo - my sky- as well. In a way, it means 'my everything'. Idk why. Maybe bc the sky covers everything. Who knows. I like it but it's a personal opinion. Mijo means my son. It's pretty common in Latinamerica. Parents use it all the time. Maybe try not to overuse it. Not because it's wrong, but it often feels like you´re trying too much to make them sound bilingual. Good alternatives are: hijo, amor mio, mi amor, cariño, mi cielo.

Te amo and Te quiero are not the same. Te amo is I love you, but Te Quiero means I love you (chill version). Linda tells Simon both 'te quiero' and 'te amo' at some point, which works because it's normal from a parent or a son/daughter. Te quiero is less serious, works great between friends. Some people say te quiero when they aren't ready to say Te amo, but I wouldn't use it coming from Simon to Wille. It would be out of character. Use it between Sara-Simon-Linda.

Te adoro means I adore you. Is not common but is CUTE AND ROMANTIC. This one is completely personal, take it with a grain of salt.

Mi principe means my prince, but sounds cringy. His mom could say 'tu principe azul' which means 'your prince charming' while trying to embarrass Simon. He would blush, cute.

Well written-normal phrases:

'¿como estas?': How are you?

'bien, ¿y tu?': well, and you?

'Como te fue hoy?': how was your day?

'Todo va a estar bien': everything will be fine.

'¿Necesitas algo?': Do you need something?

'No, gracias' 'Si, gracias': No and Yes, thank you.

‘Perdon’: Im sorry

‘Te extraño’: I miss you

'¿Qué quieres cenar?': What do you want for dinner?

'¿Tienes tarea?': Do you have homework?

'¿Cómo está Wilhelm?': How is Wilhelm?

‘Mamá’: Mom (Wille calls his mom ‘mama’ or ‘mamma’, but it’s a different pronunciation. I believe Simon says ‘Si, mamá’ at some point. That’s spanish.)

‘Mami’: Mom but cuter

‘Má’: Mom but shorter.

‘Madre’: Mother

If you have any other suggestions for pet names/words/phrases and how to apply them, send me a message!

3. Common phrases: it's important to notice that only Linda and Simon talk to the other in spanish. Unless Wille learns spanish and it's part of the plot, Simon would never say something in spanish to him - besides pet names- This includes Sara, she seems to understand but replies in swedish. I read that the actress used to work in Barcelona, Spain, so she probably understands the language. That means the decision to make her respond in swedish has something to do with her character. That being said, we don't really switch between languages if we know the other person can't understand. It's rude. I would never go and say 'como estas? ups, Im sorry, I forgot. How are you?' But something that happens A LOT is that I forget words or phrases and try to remember them by saying them in the other language. For example 'and she went to the... mierda, como se dice... aeropuerto... oh! airport!'. Or the other way around, I forget words in my mother language but I know them in english. It doesn’t seems to happen to Simon, but it’s fairly normal. Also, and I'm sorry if this is getting too long, Simon and Linda talk to each other in spanish as a way to express how close they are. It's part of the characters and their relationship. Simon is clearly more in tune with his Latino heritage, which comes from his mom, and he shows it by using the language fluently with her. -'Como estas? -Bien, como te fue en el trabajo?' he is asking about her job and her day. It almost sounds like a conversation between a married couple. Is not meant to be weird, is meant to express that Simon feels like he has to replace his father. So maybe take this into account and don't throw spanish phrases between them just for the sake of it.

4. If Wille learns some Spanish for Simon he would totally explode. He is clearly really proud in general and the fact that the Prince of Sweden can speak spanish because of him would kill him. In the best way. This has nothing to do with the language, but I'm just saying. Bonus points if he uses spanish to make Kristina feel left out. That would be a nice rebellious act.

5. Again, they are not spanish. People from Spain use 'vosotros' instead of 'ustedes'. Both of those word mean 'they', but in South America we don't use vosotros. This is just ONE example. I know spanish is confusing and has millions of variations; don't worry about the specifics. But try to be respectful when referring to them as spanish/latinos.

That's it for now. I'm sorry if it's not perfect. I'm from Argentina and our spanish is the messiest. But I tried to keep this guide as neutral as I could. Also also, I'm sorry if my english grammar isn't the best, this took way too long and I don't have the energy to check my mistakes. And that's okay, because languages are meant to be used and be confused. I make mistakes and that's fine. I'm not judging anyone. Please be kind to yourself. Please don't refrain from writing in spanish, this guide is meant to help you if you want to, but just the fact that you are writing anything is brilliant. Thank you for sharing your work!

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flamingo-writes · 4 years ago

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Bro I love your writing! I’m a new fanfic writer and was wondering if you can pass down your knowledge on writing lol

BRO!! I AM SO SORRY I TOOK AGES TO RESPOND!! I WANTED TO RESPOND SOONER BUT I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY AND I HAVE TO RESPOND THIS ON DESKTOP AND NOT ON THE STUPID APP

LISTEN, I LOVE YOU AND I’LL GLADLY PASS DOWN SOME KNOWLEDGE. I may not be the best writer, but it’s honest work ok dhusihncs

keep reading under the cut bcs Long Post

Some time ago, someone asked me to share some tips, and to this day, I still agree/follow the tips I posted back then. You can read them here.

There’ this post I once reblogged some time ago, and I do this SO MUCH like, no kidding. There’s this fic Im currently writing (surprise ruined uhdfciusfc dont ask me when, I am half way through, my writing speed is UNPREDICTABLE even for me) and it looks like this (parts blurred out bcs spoilers, and I dont wanna spoil who is this about)

[fun fact: I almost spoil who this is about, I forgot to blurr out the last patch of purple, I dare you all to guess who this is about ecughishc hint: is a fandom I recently joined]

Something specifically I do, i don’t know if others writers do it to, is start with the dialogue (pretty much like you see in the screenshot above) mostly because most of my stores start with dialogue. I write the main dialogue alone, and then add details as who said what, how they said it and details like describing actions and places.

(it’s also important to figure out how your writing process flows. I varies from writer to writer. Mostly bcs you understand how you work, and you stress less about your writing bcs you understand how it works. My writing process is basically:

can’t sleep bcs of idea

write down dialogue

add details as to who said what, how they said it

add paragraphs describing the setting (sometimes this one comes first, then the dialogue)

editing

contemplating how good this is, maybe suffer a little

post it

BONUS: my quality standard is: if I were a random reader, would I like this story? if the answer is FUCK YES then I post it. If it’s nope, or eeeeh, or its a pretty ok story, then no. If it’s good but not the best, most likely, I’ll post it. This also can happen at any time in my writing process.

Its not necessary to have a quality standard kinda checklist like I do. I’m just very strict with my work :( this is why about 10% of everything I write ends up being posted, and why I take ages to post something in this blog.

I’m gonna add a few ss from a conversation I once had with a friend here on tumblr, where I mentioned some things about writing details without cluttering the text and make it sound robotic/boring. (please ignore the typos, I type v fast on my phone and ALWAYS have typos)

this is an example of what I mean (bellow the red line is a different way of writing the first paragraph)

note how I also managed to mention another details about the weather.

Another tip I have, and I think I mentioned it in the ask I linked in the beginning is to read other people’s work. Not only you’ll learn new words, you’ll learn ways of describing things.

Each writer has a unique style and voice, and most of it comes from writers absorbing little things from other writers. I hope I am making sense hcksfhcs like, there are 3 writers I read a lot when I’m trying to write smut bcs I love how they write it. I don’t straight up copy what they write bcs thats not cool, but not only they inspire me, I’m like: ooooh, this phrase in particular sounds very cool. Or “the way they describe this action is real spicy” and so on.

Even the wording of things. I once read in some fanfic I can’t remember, but I read the phrase “[piece of clothing] hung from [their] waist” its a pretty simple phrase, but by how it’s written, I swear to god, it immediately presses buttons in my brain that make me go:

and since I first read that phrase I was like “OHOHOHO I HAVETO INCORPORATE THIS INTO MY WRITING” and stuff like that.

Tiny details you can add into your style. And if its coming from several writers, in the end, your style is defined by the writers you like and read. And its not bad, every artist style comes from the influence of all those people the artist looks up to.

And that’s about all I can think of right now. I might as well make a masterpost with all the posts I find with writing tips, and my own writing tips. bvfsdvbhsfj

Thank you for dropping by, and I’m sorry this turned out very long, and so late fichighvshs BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER ANSWERING RIGHT

#writing tips

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twst-rose-prisms · 5 years ago

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Alice Whiterose

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~Technical Information~

Japanese: アリス • ホワイトローズ

Romanji: Arisu Howaitorozu

Nicknames: Goma-chan* ( Floyd ), Ari-chan ( Alisa ), Shiro-chan** ( Cater ), Chibi-senpai ( Ace ), Reine de Neiges ( Rook )

Voiced by: Satomi Akesaka ( voice sample )

~Biographical Information~

Gender: Female

Age: 17

Birthday: January 17th***

Starsign: Capricorn

Height: 1m55

Eye color: Blue

Hair color: White

Body type: Petite, short ( for a 2nd year ), curvy

3 sizes (bc why not?): B85 - W60 - H84

Blood type: A

Homeland: Rose Kingdom

Family: Alisa Whiterose ( non-blood related sister )

~Professional Information~

Dorm: Heartslabyul

School year: Second

Class: 2-D, student no.16 (poor girl have to sit next to Floyd)

Occupation: Student

Club: Science club

Best subject: Magical pharmaceuticals

~Fun Facts~

Dominant hand: Left

Favorite food: Anything edible

Dislikes food: Spicy food

Dislikes: Scary people, people judge her base on her height

Hobby: Gardening, Origami, Making sweets

Bad with: Open up a conversation, Talking to strangers, Stamina needed works

Talents: Cooking

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“White roses are very delicate and easily get tainted, just like people, don't think so too...?”

Alice Whiterose is a second-year student at Night Raven College and a member of Heartslabyul Dorm. A shy and introverted girl, she often got anxious if there are too many strangers around her. However, she can be very passionate and devotional when it comes to working.

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APPEARANCE: Alice is a young girl with shoulder length white hair that tied into twintails styles, wavy bangs covering her forehead and long side bangs. She have droopy blue eyes with a small red rose patch under her right eyes and wear a pair of dark blue glasses. Often got misunderstood as a first year because of her height and petite figures, though she doesn't show her uncomfortableness outside on her face. Alice also doesn't like to let her hair down naturally because it's easily got disheveled. Alisa state that she jealous because she have a "greater body" than her (which Alice quickly debase this but it's actually the truth)

In her Dorm uniform, she wear a white collar shirt with black-and-red striped necktie under a red vest. Over the vest she wears the blazer that others in her dorm wear ( except for Riddle ). She wear a white skirt with a black and yellow ribbon and a chain of 4 keys around her waist, black-and-red tights with heart patterns and red-and-white high tops.

PERSONALITY: Alice usually seen as a shy girl with somewhat gentle aura around her (as stated by others). A little clumsy and easily got scared, she usually got teased for being "jumpy" whenever something scares her. As a child, Alice got taught to not talking to strangers unless they're her friend's acquaintance, so it's understandable why she's bad with open up a conversation. If she found someone have the the same hobby/like the same things as her, she'll talk with them non-stop about it and even forgot about the time. Alice does state that she hates that habit of her and tried to fix it until today ( but failed anyway )

“I-I think... Plants are more gentle and easier to talk to than human. Maybe it's because they're not judgemental like some people.” - Alice's lab-coat SR card personal story (part 2)

Sometimes, people got weirded out by her strange habit of talking to plants and magical creatures during classes. The reason is that she think they're also like human, they need someone to understand them. Her gestures are very gentle and delicate, you could see this clearly whenever she take care of the plants in the school's garden. She also often talk with a soft and respectful voice, even at underclassmen. You might think she's slow, but the truth is that she actually have short stamina, so she can't run fast or holding heavy things. Part of it is also because she have a fragile body at birth, so her mother become very strict about her movements (hence why her gestures are very gentle).

It might make you think "She should be in Pomefiore instead!", but, the reason she got sorted into Heartslaybul is simple. Her passion and ambition towards works. She also doesn't like to live by her own rules, she think that "rules" are part of people's live, and sometimes, you have to follow it to have a better live. While she adore beautiful things, to her, anything that good at heart is beautiful, hence why she doesn't got sorted into Pomefiore. Another reason is that she doesn't strike to be the best in beauty, to be honest, she doesn't want to be the best in anything at all. Trey did comment that: “You sure are a suitable member of Heartslabyul huh Alice? Although Riddle doesn't admit it himself, but I'm sure he must've think the same way about you too.”

“I-I actually did used to play piano... B-But, that hobby of mine used to hurt someone, so I've quit for a long time now...” - Alice's initial SSR personal story (part 3)

Used to be a piano prodigy when she's was a child, she started playing at 8 but quit after 5 years because of an accident. Ever since then, she got anxious and sweating unconsciously whenever she saw a piano. Because of that accident, she also have fear of breaking/ruining things, hence why she always have a tight grip despite the gentle gestures on things she hold (even things like doorknob). If she accidentally grab on the hem of your shirt, you'll clearly notice it. (Though don't tell it out loud or else her face will become red as Riddle's hair). And when she's on verge of getting(?) anxious, she will immediately run away to wherever her feet take her, which usually ended up at the school's Botanical Garden. To her, it's the most quiet and peaceful place at NRC, it's warm atmosphere also help her to quickly calm down as well.

UNIQUE MAGIC: "Gift of Card Suits" - ( 魔法の上書の鍵 "Magic Overwrite Keys" ) To be able to use one of the key that she carried around on other people's magic. Each key have a specific effect:

♥️ Heart: To change the effect/chosen target of anyone's magic (for example, if someone use fire magic, she can use this key to change it to other type of magic or switch the target to anyone she chose)

♠️ Spade: To be immune to any effect of anyone's magic

♣️ Clover: To dispel any effect of anyone's magic

♦️ Diamond: To double the effect of someone's magic (basically, a magic buffer)

However, she can't use Heart, Spade and Clover keys to Unique Magic(s) because it took too much mana to do so. She can also only be able to use 1 key per day, meaning if she use more than 2 keys then it'll reach the limit of her strength, and her Unique Magic will become useless if she doesn't have the keys with her (hence why she even bring it when wearing the Ceremonial Robe). Alice also stated that out of the 4 keys, Heart is the one that consume most mana so she doesn't use it usually like other keys.

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BACKSTORY ( just a small part of it ):

The first thing she saw was the ground. Everything was quiet. Too quiet. She couldn't felt anything except for the cold, hard ground right beneath her feet and the broken wall on her back. Her small shoulders unconsciously shivering from the cold but she doesn't even try to warm herself. She just sit there, like a broken doll waiting for someone to notice it. Her blue orbs doesn't have any lights reflect on, as if they're dead. The only sound was ominous wind blowing on the dead trees. Her white, ripped dress were dirty as well as her used-to-be pure white hair.

Everything around her is dead.

"Oh my, what do we have here?"

A strange, deep voice suddenly speak up and break the dead silence. When she grown up, she couldn't remember much who was that, but she knows, that person was the one that changed her life. Her lifeless eyes slowly look up. Everything around her was a blur, even that person become a black silhouette. But she remembered it well.

A pair of glowing emerald orbs.

"Hmm? What's the matter, _____?"

"A human child. It seems like she's still alive..."

"Nfufu~ You sure are interested in human huh, _____?"

"...Want to bring her along?"

"...Haha! I guess that look is a "yes" then! Go on and pick her up~ If she still alive, that's it."

Then slowly, a large silhouette appeared in front of her. The little girl still sit there lifelessly, only until that person pick her up and place her into their chest, a faint shock expression slowly form on her pale face, a sign that she's still alive. For a few seconds, she panicked, and it seems like she also made that person panicked too.

"Hey now, don't panick along with her! You were supposed to comfort the child, _____!"

Slowly, a large hand awkwardly pat on her back, making the small child flinch due to the sudden contact. But after a while, her body relaxed and gradually melted into their chest. The little girl unconsciously rest her head on their shoulder while slowly drifted to sleep, a peaceful expressions reflected on her face.

The last thing she saw behind their back was a pair of glowing magenta orbs before everything went black.

RELATIONSHIPS ( in Alice's opinion )

Heartslabyul

🌹 Riddle Rosehearts: "W-Well, Rosehearts-san might looks strict, but... I think deep down, he's a kind person...! A-Also, he seems to be fond of sweets, though he doesn't show it outside... *giggles* I also admire him for how responsible and serious he is with his works...! And... I'm glad that he still keep the pin that I gave him...!"

❤️ Ace Trapola: "H-He's actually a reliable underclassman, but sometimes his words are quite harsh... A-Also, I hope that he get along with Rosehearts-san more since they sometimes kept arguing...And I felt a little embarrassed that he always calling me "Chibi-senpai"... *sigh*"

♠️ Deuce Spade: "A-A very reliable underclassman...! He also seems to be very serious about works, w-which I'm glad that we have hard-working underclassmen in Heartslabyul too...! Though, he can be a little too serious sometimes... *giggles*"

♦ Cater Diamond: "He's actually... one of the upperclassmen that welcomed me to Heartslabyul with open arms...! T-Though I felt quite embarrassed when he post pictures with me in it on MagiCam... Diamond-san alao help me out whenever I asked him, so he's quite reliable too...!"

♣ Trey Clover: "L-Like Diamond-san, he's also one of the upperclassmen that welcomed me with open arms...! T-Though I didn't trust him at first, he surprised me of how kind he is...! I-I also really admire his baking skills and often asked him for advice too...!"

Savanaclaw

🦁 Leona Kingscholar: "H-He's a little scary in my opinion... I-I also think he's a little hard to approach... Maybe I shouldn't made him mad..."

🐆 Ruggie Bucchi: "He is... Well... Easy to approach...? I-I did share some classes with him and he did help me sometimes, so I think he's a kind person...! His ears also look very cute...! *giggles*"

🐺 Jack Howl: "W-Whenever I stand next to him I felt like I got shorter... Aside from that, he's also quite reliable...! At first, I thought he's a little scary but after I talked to him, he's actually very nice...! A-Also, his tail looks very cute...! *giggles*"

Octavinelle

🐙 Azul Ashengrotto: "Even though he's quite nice when I talk to him, I felt like something is wrong... Sometimes, he kept staring at my keys when I wasn't looking, which is a little worrying...B-But he is very smart though, I really admire his alchemy skills...!"

🦈 Floyd Leech: "H-He almost gave me a heart attack when I first met him...! I hope that he stop hugging me or calling my name so suddenly whenever he saw me in public... I-It's really embarrassing even when I think about it... But he sometimes help me a lot with school works so I guess that he's a smart person too...?"

🐬 Jade Leech: "U-Unlike Floyd-san, Jade-san is very nice whenever I talk to him...! He also doesn't seems to hesitate when I asked him to help me with something... B-But, somehow, I felt like he is hiding something...?"

💄Alisa Whiterose: "W-Well, since she's my sister so I respect her a lot...! Although I felt embarrassed when I take a picture with her... H-Her fashion sense are very good though, I wonder why she didn't got sorted into Pomefiore...?"

Scarabia

🕌 Kalim Al-asim: "He seems to be a very energetic person... A-A little too energetic... But he's nice and friendly, so I don't felt uncomfortable when I talk to him...!"

🐍 Jamil Viper: "A mysterious person... He seems to be always around Al-asim-san for most of the time, I guess it's because they're friends...? I also admire his cooking skills too, so sometimes I asked him for advices...!"

Pomefiore

👑 Vil Schoenheit: "W-When I first met him, I got stunned by how beautiful he looks...! Even though I don't really like make-up but I appreciate his advice to improve my appearance...! I also like his hair color because it's really pretty...!"

🏹 Rook Hunt: "A weird person... To be honest... W-Whenever I walk past him in the hallway he always call me with a strange name that I couldn't understand... But, I respect the fact that he also adore beautiful things...!"

🍎Epel Felmier: "O-Out of all the members in Pomefiore, I think Felmier-san is the easiest person to approach...! He also teach me a lot about apples, which made me actually plant an apple tree...! *giggles* H-His fruit carving skills are also very beautiful, I really, really like it...!"

Ignihyde

💀 Idia Shroud: "H-He's a little gloomy in my opinion... If only he become more talkative then perhaps I could approach him easier..."

🤖 Ortho Shroud: "H-He looks very cool...! I've never seen a robot in my life before so I was really impressed by how pretty he look...! He's also very friendly and kind too so I felt at ease whenever I talk to him...!"

Diasomnia

🐉 Malleus Draconia: "I-I don't know why, but whenever I saw him, my chest got tighten up for no reason... His eyes looks so familiar too, I wonder why...? A-Also, he might seems like a cold person, but it's not the truth at all...! In fact... He reminded me of a child a little bit...! *giggles*"

🦇 Lilia Vanrouge: "I-I actually thought he look quite young for his age... *giggles* And I don't know why, but his eyes give me a strange feeling, just like when I look at Draconia-san... Aside from that, he's very knowledgeable...! I really admire him about that...!"

⚔️ Silver: "W-When I first met him, I almost tripped on his feet...! To me, he is quite mysterious and somewhat hard to approach though... B-But if it's possible I would like to talk more with him...!"

⚡Sebek Zigvolt: "H-He almost gave me a heart attack whenever he shout at me out of nowhere...! And it seems like he respect Draconia-san a lot too...! B-But it seems like he doesn't like it much when I talk to him or Vanrouge-san, I wonder why...?"

Others

🌻Mary Merveilles: "S-She is one of the first person to become my friend so I really respect her...! I also admire her because she always stay positive, even when come across troubles... If only I could be more cheerful like her..."

🐱 Grim: "A-A very cute cat...! I love the feeling of touching his fur and pet his ears because it's very soft...! *giggles* Though it'll be better if he stop causing trouble around the school..."

🌙 Luana Crowley: "W-When I first met her, I was surprised by how mature she looks...! And not to mention, she also talk like a true lady too...! I really, really admire the Vice Headmaster and I hope I can talk confidently like her someday...!"

Dire Crowley: "H-His masks looks very mysterious... I felt like he is hiding something, but I just can't tell what it is... I wonder why...?"

Mozus Trein: "L-Lucius-san is very, very cute...! Ah! I wasn't supposed to talk about him huh... *giggles* it's just that Trein-sensei's cat is very cute so I couldn't help it... His words are quite easy to understand, so I guess I can say he's a good teacher...?"

Divus Crewel: "H-His appearance is very... unique...? Even though I sometimes got scared of the stick that he kept carrying around, his lessons are actually quite easy to understand...! T-Though I would prefer it more if he stop calling me a "puppy"..."

Sam: "A-At first, I thought he's a weird person, but he's actually a cool person...! Not only did his shop contain lots of nice things, he's also very friendly too...! I-I often come to his shop to buy ingredients or new kind of paper for origami...!"

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TRIVIA:

+ *: Goma stands for ゴマフビロードウミウシ "Gomafubirodoumiushi" which is a type of sea slug that known for its fluffiness and cuteness in Japan and other Asia countries. It can also be called "Sea bunny" in English.

+ **: "Shiro" mean white in Japanese, Cater probably referencing to her hair color

+ ***: This is not her actual birthday. It's the day when she was found in the backstory. Her real birthday is unknown ( She doesn't even remembered when she was born )

+ Her name, "Alice" is a reference to "Alice Liddell" - the main character of "Alice in Wonderland" series while her last name is a reference to the (supposedly) white roses in the Rose Maze

+ While her profile stated that her homeland is Rose Kingdom, her backstory actually revealed that it's not her true origin.

+ In Alice's school uniform R card's personal story, she stated that the Heart key was a gift of someone she cherished until now.

+ She actually joined the Science club just to be able to take care of the school's garden easier

+ When she's bored, she will unconsciously do origami. It's one of her habit and hobby

+ Which is the reason why she often carrying around a small stack of colorful paper in her pocket

+ If you want to look for her, she'll usually be around the Rose Maze or the Botanical Garden. Alice also occasionally at the library too.

+ Her room have lots of decorations made from papers

+ She eats quite a lot but only when she's alone. Alice does stated that she doesn't want others to know about her appetite.

Will add more facts in the future~

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...And that's it! I actually decided to redesign one of my first child, Alice and give her a more detailed backstory! To all of you who read until the very end, I'm very, very thankful 💞💞💞 Also, I'll post all OCs related posts in this blog from now on while my other blog: @twststrash will mainly about rebloging and other stuffs!

Also, after finished her Ceremonial Robe, I realized what my true nightmare is: drawing detailed patterns. God I hope I won't draw it again after finished redesign all of my current OCs -w- Anyway, peace~!

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #my ocs #my ocs do not steal #alice whiterose #twst oc #twst #alright... time to redesign my other children~#if I still got time though

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hes-writer · 4 years ago

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I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

#the tarnish series #feedback!!#blog post #writing #fanfiction

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bonscottintheimpala · 5 years ago

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Hi ya I’d like to request a fanfic in which reader dates another rock star(doesn’t necessarily have to be a Zeppelin member)and he cheats or whatever happens and Jimmy is there to comfort her bc he has secretly liked her for a long time!

Gotchu. The 70's was the time of rockstars being major thots and that's just... That's just the truth. 😂

In The Evening

(word count: 3,911) Mature for like the first three paragraphs, and then Jimmy being a philosophical baby of understanding for the rest. And then subtle randy boi.

Mick Jagger is an absolute asshole. And, on top of that, a horrible liar.

After coming back to the Riot House from dinner at the Whiskey with some friends, you had opened the door to see the singer mid fucking a groupie. The man had said that it wasn’t what it looked like, even though his cock was still inside of the girl naked underneath him. You had responded by tossing the entire contents of a mini bar ice bucket over the both of them, grabbing your suitcase, and storming out of the hotel room with a heavy slam of the door that made it shake on its hinges.

You’re currently sitting on a stool in front of the hotel bar on the ground floor, a tall glass of tequila in front of you. The anger and sadness are starting to ease with each sip, probably because of how little food is in your stomach. But it doesn't matter, at any rate.

Mick Jagger is an asshole.

“Are you alright, love?”

You lift your head up to look at the Englishman on your right, and see Jimmy Page leaning casually on the bar, relaxed demeanor radiating out from him into your bones. You sigh.

“Not really. I just caught Mick fucking a groupie and he told me that it wasn't what it looked like. Even though they were…. You know, not even done, if you get what I mean.”

Jimmy's eyebrows rise with the immediate understanding of what you just said. “Well, that's probably one of the stupidest things I have ever heard someone try to explain a situation they can't get out of. And I'm guessing that's literal, based on the laugh you just did.”

“Yeah. Completely literal.” There's a light silence all for the other rock stars and girls behind the two of you. “I'm (Y/N), by the way. Forgot to introduce myself, it's been a stressful hour.”

The guitarist laughs and gives you a genuine heart warming smile. “Don't worry about it, love. No need to apologize for being too upset to ignore stupid formalities. After all, you've been dealing with an asshole, it must be difficult to think very well. And I understand, we've all been there at one point or another.”

“Well, what was yours?”

Jimmy shrugs. “I don't really remember. My coping mechanism is to just block any memory of whoever hurt me, and then just forget about it. Then again, there way I deal with heartbreak is probably not very common. I think it all has to do with personality.” He shifts so he's now completely facing you.

“For example, me. I tend to think more about the present instead of the past. So when someone hurts me, I think to myself, ‘Okay, so that happened, but it won't help dwelling on it and letting it distract me from the work and the band.’ So I do my best to not let it bother me, because focussing on my and the boy's music is what's important. It's what I live for and what keeps me going.”

You nod, pushing your drink away to keep your attention on the guitarist. “For me, I like to be more social, but it tends to weigh me down, I guess. Like, my emotions can get the better of me, as you could probably tell…. But I think part of it has to do with all the social things. I want to be as up front as possible, but I feel things a lot more than I think I should and it doesn't do me much good. I guess that also affects the whole ‘how I react to getting hurt’ thing.”

Jimmy raises his hands up slightly. “Like I said, it's all about personalities. You and I deal with emotions differently with that aspect, and since it's who you are, you can't really be upset with the way that you feel things like pain and heartbreak.”

You chuckle and smile at him. “For some reason, that makes me feel a lot better.”

Jimmy places his hand on yours and gives it a small squeeze. “And if you ever want to have more philosophical conversations about the human race or just.... Y'know, do anything to forget about Mick Jagger, you can come up to my room any time you want. I’m usually alone in there since I don’t really like humans.” There's a small shrug, smirk, and he bites his lower lip.

You know you won't pass up what he's just insinuated.

“I’ll take you up on that.”

#oneshot request #oneshot #oneshots #jimmy page oneshot #jimmy page x reader #jimmy page fanfic #jimmy page fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #jimmy page #jimmy page/reader #led zeppein #led zep

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kuronekonerochan · 5 years ago

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Cdramas I enjoyed and ranty rambles... (spoilers)

Apparently I have a new favorite cdrama ML type, and it's genius mastermind bastard on a scheming backstabbing world that is likely created by the same novel or scriptwriter. Ning Que (Ever Night), Fang Xian (Joy of Life) and Zhong Xin (Young Blood) are a joy to watch and I loved these dramas on the same "spirit" and their characters.

All these dramas had stronger and weaker points, if I could pick and choose, I liked the world and ruthlessness of NQ from EN S1, the OTP that is NQ and SS and the Us against the World vibe, plus the incredible soundtrack and the breathtaking panoramic shots, but S2 was such a production mess...it’s a pity bc I loved the theological turn of the novel and it doesn’t seem likely that after that trainwreck of s2 we’ll get a s3 to end the story (although yes, I admit it would always be difficult to translate to screen from where s1 ends in the book onward bc it’s such a drastic change). Having read the novel, it was funny to see people reacting to the events of s2.

The shift in the focus of the drama from the traditional wuxia, young martial arts lead and his wifey traveling the world, encountering new allies and foes and getting powered up, to religious and spiritual journey about the meaning of life, god, the world and different ideologies clashing in both literal fights and discussions as well as physical manifestations of divinity, mixed in with human subversion of values for petty personal goals...well although people seem understandably confused and not very happy about this 180º thematic turn, it’s not what they hated about the new season. From the comments I saw, what most ppl couldn’t stand were the same things ppl who read and liked the novel also hated: the horrible pacing, some of the cast changes that failed to convey the feeling that they were the same characters, and even though the budget was evidently lower than s1, the choices made where 80% of the scenes were pointless carriage shots, meeting shots, and most pointless of all Long Qing riding horses. Endless set ups of people talking boringly and then when the event that all that talk was leading up to happened, it was off screen and the result was told by some character in a conversation. You couldn’t care less about Tang and the war because all the characters that lived there and could die, like SS’s friends from the brothel, the gang, and even the generic ppl on the streets, none of this was shown...only 2 or 3 ppl talking alone somewhere at a time, talking about events that the viewer would never see. And it was confusing. I read the novel and even so I could barely follow what was happening (they did change a bunch of stuff). Enemies from 2 episodes ago were now allies and they were asking favors without any explanation and key plot points of main story arcs like Ye Hong Yu’s were just thrown out so casually it didn’t even register for me that THAT was happening. The whole Haitian part was also a mess. It was one of those concepts that is indeed hard to translate to screen, but as they did the whole SangSang being present but powerless thing well, the casting of Haitian was a fail. She was supposed to be an uncaring, poker faced goddess, but she also had to have a presence that made her feel powerful and frightening. This lifeless doll couldn't scare a fly, so the whole thing just felt pathetic and weird(er). (Also in the novel there’s this intense mental fight thing going on between her and NQ where she hardcore tortures him and slashes his d*ck off and he in turn keeps torturing her with erotic dreams and all this bc the natal bond means they can read each others minds and can’t keep each other out even if they wanted so it’s a constant exhausting mindgame between them. The drama tried to include some of that in like 2 eps near the end, but toning it down bc of rating and taking the mindreading concept out of it made it very disappointing to watch).

I love the witty sarcastic humor of Joy of Life, I’m not into tragic period cdramas but after so much cheesy lazy slapstick wuxia/xanxia dramas, one with the intelligent, non-stop sarcastic humorous dialogue and an ensemble of god damn talented actors, especially the older cast, headed by an absolutely brilliant performance by the main lead and a script and plot that is compelling, fast paced and never misses a beat...well this is a true gem and one of the best executed cdramas, on every aspect from technical aspects to directing to acting, that I have ever seen. I usually don’t like palace dramas, and this is not one of those, it is adventure and family and transmigration and a lot more, but it retains the core elements of those palace dramas, which is the scheming politics, the intrigue and the constant tension of being surrounded by enemies by all sides and having to mind every word and action because a single faux pas will get him killed. It’s in line with the kind of cnovels I love and would like to see drama adaptations for like Husband Be a Gentleman or Golden Stage, which isn’t much of a surprise since this is also a novel adaptation.

It is nearly perfect imo, but the harem aspect (even if tuned down from the novel) still drags it down and the (main) FL is a bore and honestly the least interesting of all the females in the drama (it doesn’t help that ZRY has better chemistry with one of the other actresses, which in the novel, since his character hits ALL of them, it would be fine, here, meh). This is also one of the rare situations where I like the drama better than the book (even with the issues regarding the lack of chemistry with the FL), bc Fang Xian in the novel is scarily ruthless...it’s the same author as Nightfall (aka Ever Night), but NQ is likable because of his bond to SangSang, the irrationality of the persecution they face from the zealots, and also the world, despite being harsh, features loyalty and unconditional love in the members of the Academy, for example, that make all the anti-hero/antagonist traits more bearable. FX in Joy of Life it’s a much more cynical and cunning character, scary even, and the environment is a pit of backstabbing snakes. He is the hero bc he’s the main character, but from any other perspective he can easily be the villain. Add to that my distaste of harem and him getting it on with like 6 or so ladies (to give them credit some of them are pretty awesome characters), the novel just wasn’t for me. But ZRY as FX? He’s just so cheeky and likable, and this drama has an amazing supporting cast. I enjoy watching them all interact with each other. I’m glad it’s getting a season 2 and so looking forward to it.

Young Blood I didn't even like that much in the beginning, it started out interesting but confusing and some of the cast (both acting and characters) were kind of weak, but it got better and it had a power couple as leads who were both smart and a joy to watch, plus the bromance dynamic between the smartass bastard and the righteous straight-faced dudes that Handsome Siblings wishes it had (that’s a whole other story, why HS didn’t work for me, but trust me, no offense to the actors in that, I found them charming in other things, but perhaps bc this script was just better, the boys here just did it better, it just flowed...I watched both dramas at the same time and it was weird thinking that those two should be what Handsome Siblings was trying to do). What annoyed me until the end was that out of the ensemble cast, only 3 of the characters (the smart ones) were given enough material to shine. Eventually the other 2 guys got their piece as well, but the girl from the second couple is unfortunately a waste of a character. They eventually tried to give her an arc, but she’s still mainly “the cute doll” and a foil for the 2nd male lead to have a romantic interest. She is given less screen time and she has no presence. I didn’t need her to be a “strong” woman. They do state that her strong suit is that she is so charming that ppl easily trust her, but I wanted to see her evolve, become smarter (the other two dumb-asses eventually get better from the beginning and grow as characters, but she seems stuck in her shallow one trait personality of “cute/kind”). This has nothing to do with the actress, she was perfectly fine, my issues are with the character and how she was utilized.

Unrelated, there is a weird thing in the last episode where a character just disappears, but not like, on purpose, it seems like the drama just forgot about him, or they forgot to shoot the actor near the other ones where he was supposed to be, lol.

Honestly, story wise and even in terms of production Young Blood is inferior to Ever night S1 and especially Joy of life, which was a tight drama, but since it ended up so much better than it started I really wanted to see what they could do with a 2nd season.

P.S: You know what is also my cdrama type? Genius himbo chaotic mess cutie pies, with “rage issue” but deep down caring relatives... and their “straight” faced besotted partners, I mean...

#cdrama #cdrama edit #young blood #ever night #ever night s2 #joy of life #the untamed #mo dao su zhi #young bloods #mo dao zu shi #cql #mine

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common-blackbird · 5 years ago

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I’m not good with gaming and i never really imagined myself finishing any game, so this was a whole new experience for me... I really sucked. At one point i remember even crying when i just couldn’t fight smth. I hate asking for help (i’m infinitely grateful for it), or even looking “how to do this” bc i feel like i cheat, while when i just can’t beat smth in the game it makes me feel dumb. But i learned that usually happens bc i’ve been playing for too long.

So where to start.... The thing i liked most is the lore. Not just the content of it (which is very entertaining) but also the way it’s portrayed: through conversations, through various notes you find around, and it’s not just “well this is how it is” but rather sometimes contradictory claims that reflect different cultures. I love how you only ever see one country, but hear a lot about the others (well mostly Orlais, but there are tidbits from other countries as well), but also various cultures. I also love how the complex situation is in the game. The question of mages, the repression of elves, the dwarves and their culture, the question of religion.

The game is really good at setting the moral ambiguity and make you have hard choices. Once you realise there’s a pattern it does get easier, but some just make you wonder a lot what is the better choice.

While we’re at it let me talk some quests and decicions.

Free the elves?

So the easiest choice (though i don’t really think there was much of choosing) is the elves-slavery in denerim. Free elves, free citizens, i don’t even understand how did they get to be second-class citizens (or maybe i just forgot, i’ look it up), but they literally did nothing wrong, aren’t dangerous and frankly, there’s so much wilds in ferelden, i don’t see what’s the problem. However, though i don’t know if that was implied, if you go strictly against slavery, but this was a deal made between ferelden and tevinter, you risk a decline in diplomatic relationship as well as economy i assume, so it could be a setback. But again, if you have free citizens elves that are not just piled in one place, you can freshen up your own economy with capable workers. Like, even if you regret breaking a relationship with tevinter (that doesn’t even happen but i was thinking about it at the time), and the elves riot and go against you once you do give them freedom bc lot of bad history between ferelden and elves i guess, it’s still a morally & practically easy choice.

Free the mages?

This was... hmm... mage rights... I LOVE how they went about this problem. So the mages are problematic bc doing magic also means you can get posessed by a demon which results in a catstrophe (like that kid that demolished redcliffe). So they’re locked into a circle tower where they are trained and have a rigorous discipline and are under the watch of templars who might kill them if they try to escape? Mages who actually do escape the tower get hunted down and are forced back, or they get killed, especially if they attempt the bloodmagic (immoral dangerous magic practice?).

It’s kind of obvious that the game leans more to the mage rights (i mean, i wish there was a more memorable templar who isn’t like “mages are bad” by default, but they are kinda trained that way. tbh i just wish we had more templars...). At first, the only mage (other than that one in ostagar) you acutally meet is morrigan, who... who is not a very good example of “why people think mages are bad”. She’s cool, she handles magic really good, yeah she seems to be against the world, but what can you exepect when templars would kill her on sight? Even when alistair is constantly suspecting her, he’s basing that on her being a mage, and not on her saying really creepy immoral stuff. So initially i was all for mage rights. Then things didn’t really help much in the circle tower bc all templars were for just killing all the mages bc things got out of hands. Retrospectively i get where they’re coming from, but still, they seemed really incapable at the time. But then i met wynne, and she told me her backstory. And what really stuck with me is that

1) they find out she’s a mage bc she set someone on fire = mages are dangerous

2) while one templar ignored her completely, the other templar that brought her to the tower was nice to her and carried her on his shoulder (which is very cute) = templars don’t have to be so antagonistic towards mages and

3) the circle tower does not only protect the people from mages, but also the mages from people, bc people are bigoted and scared and will kill a mage = a social/cultural problem.

In any case, i feel like simply freeing mages just like that would turn out to be a terrible mistake bc they are kinda walking time-bombs and they’d be ostracized from society which would make them turn desperate bc no protection, then you get easily corruptible, and so it brings lot of trouble. That being said, obviously, it’s bad to keep people locked up in a tower for life. So i guess i’m more for reforming the circle with mages being treated as humans and not walking time-bombs, templars not being taught to be antagonistic towards mages, but rather their partners(?) bodyguards(?), mages having right to employment once they prove they’re capable of handling magic well, and if needed take one templar with them so people can feel safe. The Circle is already institution made for the rights for the mages, it just needs a lot of work on it. Idk. there wasn’t much of the ~what’s it like to live in the circle~ since you walk into a disaster, so i don’t want to be all in for the mages or all against the mages. I’m a dwarf. Magic is domain i don’t bother to understand.

Orzammar social problems

Tradition vs. reform, at the cost of a monarch or a dictator. That was actually a really easy choice if you’re playing a dwarf. If i played a noble dwarf, i’d defintely choose Harrowmont bc he’s 1) nicer, 2) looks more capable, 3) doesn’t seem that powerhungry. But this also means that current system based on castes. Equality is not even a myth there, it’s an apocalyptic outlook. Which takes another form of a bad side when you have the ostracized casteless dwarves, stripped of all rights and treated like dirt (and that was my warden). So, harrowmont is the safe choice for a current state. Nobody really cares who’s on the throne bc nobody expects the system to change. But if you choose Behlen for a king (who’s accused of murdering his father), you get a reformist who is open to including the casteless in some form into the system. As canon fodder. Despite the grim outlook of being used as a canon fodder, it does open a possibility of upping your status based on the merits. The paragon system is already such a leeway to better your status (bc if you do something outstanding that the drawves, you are revered as a god), but it’s virtually impossible to do something of that scale as a casteless (unless you.. finish the game). On the other hand if you choose Behlen, it’s pretty obvious he’s powerhungry dictator. But i chose behlen bc my sister was his concubine and prospect of including casteless in any form would be a good offer for a casteless dwarf.

Kill/let the mother kill the child or do this bloodmagic-not-so-bloodmagic(?) ritual to save him?

Ah, my disaster. So, of course, i wanted to help the kid, and when the bloodmage said there’s a ritual that can be performed, i just needed to get other mages there, i chose that, i went to the circle tower, i did the whole damn mission there, got back to the kid and, like the fool i am, went straight to the boy instead of talking first to mages, which resulted in me alone dealing with him, which resulted in me making his mother kill him, get yelled on by alistair and there’s no option “it was on accident” to say to him (which frankly would be a terrible thing to say), and then he starts putting himself down bc now my warden is trying to justify herself, which is another level of misery bc i’m fighting a really nice guy who hates children being killed and feels bad that he’s angry about that. anyways, that was a mess from start to finish.

speaking of other messes,

Haven village mission

well, there’s no hard choice in this mission, it’s “side with fanatics who worship a dragon or be reasonable and find the urn”. (i do wonder what do you get from siding with fanatics now). but this mission was such a rollercoaster for me. I did everything backwards. You come into this creepy little isolated village where nobody likes you and they are some kind of fanatics of older gods. So it turns out that first you’re supposed to walk into one house and find a corpse there, which i totally overlooked so instead i killed the merchant in the village, went to the church, killed everyone there, then went out and killed everyone in the village, i found genitivi (a researcher who got captured there), but i still couldn’t finish the mission until i got into that villagers house and saw the corpse that was supposed to be my first inkling of supicion for the village. So the whole storyline didn’t make any sense. And later, when i was supposed to walk humbly to the urn, i was supposed to first leave all my belongings on an oltair, so i did, but didn’t realise i was actually supposed to do that so i took them back and then i couldn’t put them back again on the altair, so i had to fight that guard there and died lol. I hated every part of that mission. it was creepy, hard and i’m lucky i didn’t smash the urn in the end.

The werewolf problem

That one was easy, like, the whole problem of werewolves is bc the head elf lives for too long and there’s nothing so fitting as holding grudges for eternity which endangers the whole clan. I have only one complaint and that is my god the forest is confusing. Each time i go into the forest i get lost.

The golem quest was fun bc that end with Shale randomly killing a chicken always gets me. I love it. Return to ostagar was on the other hand very uneventful for me, but i did see a video with what banter you have if you have wynne and loghain in your party and it’s really intense how wynne keeps attacking him.

Random thought, but today i watched this video about dragon age origins and the guy said that mages are best for combats bc they can do most damage in range, which is probably true, but tbh most of the time for me it was usually the mage who dies in the battle. Morrigan is super useful for attacks, and Wynne for defense, but they’re both as frail as daisies and i’m left with low-stamina melee fighters. And that happens when you’re fighting an archdemon. You’re crying as you drink your last health poultice. You wish you brought wynne. But wynne had been dying just as often, which renders her power of revival pretty useless.

And now, the characters. Lets start humbly with my own.

This game made me realise i’m bad at roleplaying. I scroll through tumblr and see how people just love the character they’ve created and they are so cool and seem so interesting. Me? let me show how i create my character: i don’t like using magic bc magic is often complicated so mage is out of the question. warriors are usually strong so i can’t relate, so i’ll be a rouge and talk people into doing the dirty work for me. i loved elves so fiercly as a kid i got fed up with them and can’t stand them so i’ll not be an elf, but humans seem boring so i’ll be a dwarf. After all i’m short, i can relate. Bonus points, they are imune to magic. Since i’m casteless, i decided to look ugly (i’ve been told my warden looks like the crying cat meme). In the end, compared to the rest of my warden’s family, she looked like an adopted child. At the beginning i had the idea that i would make this character grow from “in it for herself” to “a hero” bc it’s a typical hero story anyway, but in the end it was just a self insert with really dumb mistakes who doesn’t get what she’s signed up to. I guess it’s easier to actually make interesting characters once you already know the stories and the choices so it’s easier to choose according to the characterisation you make and not “what if i screw up?”.

Alistair

So after you get chosen by Duncan (a cool honorable guywho gives you chance to make something of your casteless self and then makes you drink poison), the first guy you meet is alistair - a fellow grey warden who used to train to be a templar (which is as far as we go in meeting templars) and happens to be a king’s bastard son. He is dorky, funny, a genuinely nice person and on level of insecurity that even surpasses mine. He’s impossible to dislike. What i really like about the characters is that they’re super simple, which makes them both their charm and their annoying trait. for example, he often puts himself down, which i relate and am symphatetic and am all “nah you’re really nice”, but the next time he does that i’m “mate, you gotta stop doing that”. But it’s still kinda cute.

What did irk me throughout the game is him being my senior, but making me the leader. I literally pass the test 1 day before everybody gets killed and he is the only grey warden who knows what grey wardens do. Not only that, he’s like the only guy with me at the beginning who knows where’s what and knows the culture. I’m a friggin dwarf who is afraid that i’ll fall into the sky, have no interest to get myself killed, but now i’m a leader. But that’s not even the issue, bc i am already the main character. The problem is when every character in the game acts as if i’m the only surviving grey warden when alistair is right there. “Only you can do that, oh you’re a grey warden”. Alistair knows more about grey wardens than i ever will. I wish they just mention “can either of you two”. It’s like he doesn’t exist lol. I didn’t take him often to missions and pretended he’s doing some grey warden business i know nothing about. The only character who makes sense to completely ignore alistair as a grey warden is anora. But whatever, he doesn’t want any spotlight, so i guess he’s happy being considered “that sidekick grey warden”. Even as frustrating as it was, i really liked his avoiding of responsibility whatsoever and his low confidence, it really makes room for character growth.

Dog

the best character in da:o.

Morrigan

She’s obviously a polar opposite to alistair - overconfident, kind of mean, kind of selfish, her jokes are mean. I mean, when i imagine alistair i imagine a dog, when i imagine morrigan, that’s a cat. And while as a person i don’t really like her that much, but her dynamics with other characters are really fun. What really made me love her is that mystery “is she evil or not”, ( which I guess she’s not considering she’s still a buddy in later games(?)), but combined with her relationship with flemeth who also might or might not be evil. she keeps opposing her mother while being compliant to her. She does what flemeth asks bc she knows that flemeth is more powerful. It makes you wonder how terrible her upbringing was if you’re certain your mom has some fishy plans in which you might get killed in the process. But instead of just running away and doing exactly the opposite of what flemeth commands, even after hearing she’s dead, she still goes on with flemeth’s idea, so i’m guessing she just wants the demon baby for herself(?). In any case, her (justified?) paranoia with flemeth makes her really compelling.

SPEAKING OF DEMON BABY, turns out the reason flemeth saved the warden and alistair was so that the warden could convince alistair to have sex with morrigan. which means that if the warden is a guy, and let us assume a straight guy, she’s counting on at least 50% chance of the male straight guy hating morrigan so much he would sooner convince the other guy who definitely hates morrigan to have sex with her than doing it himself. Yikes.

Sten

Sten is a character you respect. Some things he said really resonated with me and it made me think a lot. His regret over killing that family totally flew over me at that time (bc zevran was talking his head off how he killed this guy and that guy so who cares about sten killing some family, i’m already going to hell for tolerating assassins and making a mother kill her child), but later it was quite peculiar that he’s so ready to kill me and he’s pretty ruthless at everything he does, so you’d think this big guy has no problem getting over this. His regret made me more interested in his culture and his rigorous honour-code. I’d really love to see Par Vollen. At the end i even told him i was going to be joining him on his way back to Par Vollen (i wanted a new character for awakening), but that didn’t work out sadly :(

Leliana

I think most endearing part of Leliana is that she truly seems to believe all the right things, even though you’re made suspicious considering she was (or is?) a spy. That woman talks so much. And she’s always in the right. Always. Making a spy become a hardcore believer in god is cool, bc i always doubt her. She knows her way with words, she always says what you want/need to hear. Of course she would be playing a religious girl if that meant she could convince me that she’s harmless. But it’s also fun that she truly believes it and has a hard time convincing you that considering you keep doubting everything she says. I really like her.

Zevran

I was really surprised when i saw that Zevran is a fan-favourite. I guess it’s that he has a tragic-slave-turned-assassin backstory. I... am completely indifferent towards him. I’m sorry. He was just that one bisexual hedonist assassin who happens to have been a slave long time ago. I guess, by the time i got his backstory, i was already immune to angst... But thinking back, i really like that he’s the bad guy in his backstory, he’s the one doing betraying, while leliana for example got betrayed. And i’m a little bit sad that all he learned from that episode was that assassins are expandable, while, when you look at it, he fails to realise everybody in antiva is expendable. That’s a really crazy country right there. I mean, he’s killing people right and left, and never really thinks back about them. Even if he doesn’t like to do it (which he never really said he does, but it’s not like he had a choice so let’s give a benefit of the doubt), he never really thinks about his victims. The only thing that made him realise that he was expandable was his killing of his partner/lover. (or if he figured that out, i didn’t notice it). But yeah, bragging about sex and death doesn’t do it for me i guess. I did love his banters with Wynne. You can see how she’s trying to get him to open up, to see that there’s more to him than a hedonist, and she just giving up every time when he makes it about sex.

Wynne

Wynne is my top 3 faves. She’s also the reason i’m not against the Circle. Before i met her, i was all “yeah mages should be free and don’t need any control” bc there’s just morrigan and a bad case of not-taking-care-of-your-child-mage posession thing. But then Wynne starts talking about her life in the circle and you see that it’s not just “we hate mages so we keep them imprisoned”. You see that learning magic is hard (morrigan makes it look easy, ok?) and disaster can happen in a blink of an eye. And you find out how flawed she was, and it feels like she really learned from her experiences. And she’s so openminded and genuinely nice, typical granma-mentor-character. Best human in the camp.

Shale

Another one of my top 3 faves. Shale won me over the moment they murdered that poor chicken. I love having shale in my missions, they’re useful, they’re snappy, they’re perfect. And finding out that shale used to be shayle, a dwarf noble who willingly became a golem was one of my fave missions. I was so focused on the myth & legend of branka, that shale took me by surprise. And imagining a dwarf lady with shale’s personality makes me want to go back in time and meet shayle ;__;

Oghren

He’s pretty much like zevran: i like him, but too many alcoholic-jokes. Out of all characters, he looks like the biggest comic-relief. I like how insanely loyal he is. And I liked being his wingman x)

Loghain

I really like him. I shouldn’t like him as much as i do. i wish he could have been in a party earlier or without alistair-walking-out consequences. You start seeing that he’s not just a bad guy when you see that he’s always sad there when anora is scolding him. And I really loved that anecdote with him ruining every rose he touches so he found a rose and brought it home himself. Awww. If he didn’t order me executed at sight, i’d be his best friend. His paranoia (or justified fear?) of orlesian invasion made him do lot of political mistakes, but you can see he has good intentions. He’s not a bad guy. And he’s really clever. But also i will never understand how he didn’t get rid of Rendon Howe.

I’m so conflicted over him abandoning Cailan. I hated cailan, but to him, cailan was almost flesh and blood(?) I mean, he’s everything that’s left of two people he loved so abandoning him must have been terrible. I’m still trying to wrap my head around why he would go to that length to betray cailan rather than forcefully take him back by the means of drugging him and carrying him back to denerim. Maybe cailan was so problematic with his ideals before and this was just one decision too much. But then again, loghain was dealing with idealistic maric since forever. I don’t know. He’s just such a compelling character to me. I wouldn’t recruit him storywise bc i feel like his time was over. He had to die there. you know how in stories, the hero can’t live too long, bc there is no being the hero the second time. They’re always tragic. And since he attempted to be the hero again, he had to pay the price and become a villain. And he needs to tragically die. Which makes him more memorable than saint marric.

Also i watched a video with what happens if you go back to ostagar with loghain and wynne and it’s whoa... wynne is merciless with her attacks on loghain.

Anora

MY QUEEN. I was debating a lot whether alistair should be a king or not and then anora showed up and everything became clear. She’s such an amazing person. You can see her as righteous, as powerhungry, as manipulator, as terrible or wonderful and all of that would be true. She’s ready to do everything to keep that throne. You can see she loves her father, but she is going against him and is relying on your mercy for his life, and accepts his death so quickly. She implies that, while she did love cailan, her marriage was arranged and her husband an idealistic fool and she’s not surprised how he ended up. And sure, she’s telling you all you want to hear: that she loved him, that she was warning him about what his idealism will get him to, but can you really trust her? Especially with cailan’s correspondence between arl eamon, where eamon is trying to get rid of anora, and empress celene, who’s suspicious to say the least. I could easily imagine she did not warn, but support cailan in his idealistic views bc he hinders her rule with his blind idealism. I could just as easily accept that she truly did love him, and she did warn him, but alas, her husband is a fool. Everyone is against her in the game, and if i didn’t get her to win that throne after everything she’s done to get it, it would just be sad to watch. which brings me to the mission:

Choosing a ruler

Anora proved more than anyone that she’s the best candidate. Setting alistair on that throne would feel so ungrateful, he had no agency whatsoever in becoming a king and if i married him to anora, then i’d just get another pawn in her - or eamon’s - hands bc it’s obvious who’s playing the game here. I’d feel bad for alistair. He should get his own development based by his own merits rather than ~king’s blood~. Also with setting him on the throne you change nothing bc he can’t have kids anyway (unless you count the demon baby which would get this to another level of really messed up succession stories), and anora (according to eamon) seems to not be able to have kids(?) so they’re basically the same. Also, anora has unlimited time to rule, while alistair will die in what like, 10 years? and what then? Morrigan becomes queen regent bc she’s the baby-demon’s mother? That’s a disaster. And anora is right when she says that setting up a grey warden after they’ve been proclaimed enemies of the state only makes it look bad. I have learned that grey wardens, it turns out, are very political, but i just didn’t want to be. Also, alistair devotion was literally never towards marric and only for duncan. He even kills Loghain for duncan, and not for cailan. I really like anora being a queen. I know i can’t count on her bc she is ruthless like loghain, but also loyal only to the kingdom. It feels like, that’s the only thing she got to choose in her life and she’s willing to sacrifice everything for it. And that makes her a good ruler.

the ritual

oh man. that was... awkward. I knew it was gonna happen but... you know what i think? Sure, flemeth told morrigan what she’s gotta do, but, i doubt morrigan really knew what she’s getting into. I know the kid is a normal kid in the end, but i like to think that at the time, morrigan had no idea whatsoever what is this ritual going to turn up with. First, this this ritual feels like a fanservice. Second, on the matter of dub-con, i’ve seen a lot of people saying that alistair was non-con and morrigan is... a bitch? i thought about it and all i saw was this: your mom, whom you hate and are convinced she’s going to kill you one day, tells you you’re going to have a sex with a guy you don’t know, who hates you, and have his child, and you probably don’t want children, who will definitely be possessed with a god-spirit-thing. So, you got two choices, while you’re traveling with your merry band: you won’t do it or you do it for yourself. So i guess morrigan saw an opportunity and decided to go along with it, but use it against flemeth. Which is a really sad thing bc the moment she decides to have the baby for the power for whatever reason, she is basically becoming flemeth herself (or at least her idea of flemeth: someone who uses children for her own gains instead of loving them). So knowing that, i can’t see morrigan being a bitch either way for deciding to take the ritual. She definitely doesn’t like alistair after all, and she’s becoming the person she hates the most + she acts like she doesn’t care about anything, but she also wants to save the warden. So yeah, i definitely went overboard with this, but i don’t see morrigan enjoying the ritual.

I do wonder what she’s planning to do with the demon baby tho. or how terrible is she at raising a baby. I mean, her tolerance and patience levels are really low. I also wonder whether she’s right to be wary of flemeth or is she only paranoid. Flemeth seems like much wiser and sees morrigan as a kid with her paranoia. She pretty much dominates. I would love both morrigan being totally off the track with her suspicious about flemeth and her being right to be wary of flemeth.

So yeah, that was a huge ramble. If you made it this far then i bow to you. Idk where i was going with this... i just wanted to get out my thoughts and have it in one place. I probably said bunch of things wrong and misinterpreted the characters, made typos, forgot to say bunch of other things so, sorry for that. i’m a newb. But i loved it! It made me go into fantasy mood.

#i'm just rambling about dragon age #and it's really long and i don't say anything interesting

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 6 years ago

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Hey! A bit ago I saw that you were wondering if anyone was interested in a tutorial on dialogue?? And I just wanted to say that I would totally love to learn how to write dialogue/banter like you do, if you’re still interested in creating that tutorial of course

Hi yes of course I’m still interested!! But before I jump in, let me say that this is by no means a be-all-end-all, and this is just what works for me. If it works for other people, that’s great! If it doesn’t, that’s totally valid! Maybe this could be a jumping off point for other pieces of advice, idk. But anyway, let’s gooooo

Okay so I’m gonna be pulling out a bad example of my own writing, and a good example for each point, which is extra but will hopefully show the differences, & I’ll be doing it without putting anyone else down so yeet!

SAY IT OUT LOUD, MAKE SURE IT FLOWS, MAKE SURE IT MAKES SENSE

Another point to this one is, can you imagine real life people saying it? If the answer is no, then you gotta rework it. If the answer is yes, then yay!

Otherwise I’m not really sure how to explain this. Making sure it makes sense is easy enough, and saying it out loud is too, but making sure it flows is different. What I do for this is maybe not the best advice, but I use less periods. Commas, dashes, and ellipses keep it from being choppy. Also, adding words/phrases such as ‘well’, ‘like’, ‘I mean’, ‘uh/um/er/etc’ can help connect sentences/thoughts together in a realistic way.

BAD EXAMPLE:

“Bruce shrugged. “I knew, but didn’t realize, I guess. I’ve known he was young since I first learned about him.”

Clint, who was blanching, said, “he looks like a kid. Or an underage father. Think about what he had to go through as a kid, though."” - posted on July 1st, 2014

Why it’s bad: (Ignoring the horrible blocking dskljflksdf)

It doesn’t flow! Bruce’s line here feels just a little off, probably bc I was trying to put information where it shouldn’t have been (more on that later), but even without the second sentence, it’s still off. Time to reword, then; I’d change it to “I learned about it when I was studying him, but I kinda…forgot.” Idk about yall, but I can see Mark Ruffalo saying this, shrugging sheepishly. This flows a lot better and in my experience, it’s more likely someone would say this instead of “I didn’t realize, I guess”.

Clint’s lines should be combined, and there should be some diction added in. “He looks almost like a kid, or like, an underage father. God, think about what he had to go through!” Way less choppy & has some rhythm to it, instead of sounding like a robot is saying it.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

““Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night.”

“It’s not weird,” Sam denies immediately, “You just don’t appreciate it.”

“Why would I appreciate—” Steve reads carefully off his screen, “—Buzzfeed’s ‘Which Possible Illuminati Member Are You?’ quiz?”

“Because everyone thinks you’re in the Illuminati anyway, so why not see if you get yourself, you know?”

“Okay, but at four am? What were you even doing up that early?”” - posted on March 2nd, 2019

Why it’s good:

This is one of those I suggest reading out loud to understand the flow. Banter, at least in this case, is like slapstick comedy, and it’s gotta go back and forth without going way off course (unless that’s the desired effect!). Steve says something, Sam picks something specific to react to & adds a comment that makes it seem like they’ve maybe had this conversation before, and from there, they pass the rhythm to each other. Going from the second-to-last to the last lines is part of the flow; Sam makes a point that Steve doesn’t want to refute, so he continues it in another way. “Okay, but” is like the hinge connecting one flow to another. I’m just talking in circles now but anYWAY THIS IS BACK AND FORTH.

TRY TO FIT THE CHARACTER

Think specifically about the character, and if it sounds like something they would say or not. That’s kinda hard at times, so just make sure you aren’t having them say things you can definitely NOT imagine them saying. I’m gonna go with Batman because we all know him enough to know what he absolutely would never ever say.

BAD EXAMPLE:

Batman says, “And I was like, ‘oh my god, is this serious? You’re just turning yourself in?’ And he said ‘hell yeah I am!’ and I almost died from the shock!”

Why it’s bad:

Batman is a character who doesn’t ramble and wouldn’t retell an event like this (by paraphrasing it & recounting exact exchanges). He’s a very stoic person, and this whole thing is more emotionally open and telling than he would be comfortable with. And while this flows, I can’t picture him saying it unless it’s a heavily AU’d version, which is generally not what you want.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

Batman says, “The Joker turned himself in last night. I assume he’s planning something, something big if he’s willing to go to Arkham for it.”

Why it’s good:

This is a lot more subtle with the emotions, and a lot more monotonous, which is what Batman would probably want to sound like when recounting an event like this. He WANTS to sound like a textbook or police report, which are serious and straight to the point. But he can still add his thoughts into the mix, e.g. “something big…”, which shows how he’s kind of surprised and is thinking about what it means.

YA CAN’T ALWAYS INPUT INFORMATION INTO THE DIALOGUE

Sometimes you really want or need to share some information with the readers, and an easy way to do that is with dialogue, right? Sometimes! This, like everything else, hinges on flow & the realisticness of the words. Some pieces of info need to be conveyed through thoughts or actions, and some of it just shouldn’t be shared, no matter how much you might want to include it.

BAD EXAMPLE:

“Bonnie asked, “so…Original vampire? What does that mean, exactly? If you don’t mind my asking, I mean.”

“It means that my siblings and I were turned into the very first vampires after the death of my youngest brother. Also turned were my father, sister-in-law, and nephew. All vampires in existence come from us.”” - posted on March 6th, 2017

Why it’s bad:

The OG vampire in question here is Elijah, and while it makes sense for the character to quickly summarize it, it doesn’t flow. He would probably react firstly to Bonnie’s last sentence, then answer more concisely, “It means that my family and I are the first vampires in existence.” Maybe with an additional comment about them being the source of all other vampires, but not much more. Being so specific chops up the rhythm and makes it harder to understand, almost, ‘cause that’s a lot of people to keep in consideration.

GOOD EXAMPLE:

““What are you talking about, Kev?” Cheryl sets her phone down, the picture of fully-invested. “Schools don’t just shut down in one day.”

Kevin flops into the other chair, breathing calmed for the most part. “Apparently they do. Dad told me they arrested a teacher there for selling Jingle Jangle to students, and when they were going through his office they found meth. The basement was being used as a meth lab. The whole thing’s being quarantined and shut down until further notice.”” - posted on August 2nd, 2018

Why it’s good:

It flows!!! For being secondhand information, it’s clear enough to understand without bombarding readers with extremely specific details. It reads almost like an online article, with enough feeling to make it interesting, while still explaining exactly what’s happened.

DIFFERENT MOODS/DYNAMICS

Something to think about when writing dialogue is what mood your characters are in, and what kind of relationship they have with the character(s) they’re talking to. If person A is in a bad mood and talking to someone they like, they might try to tamp down on the mood in order to be nice. If person B is in a great mood and talking to a stranger, they might be pretty exuberant and friendly. Etc etc. Gonna use Superman as an example (this is extremely cheesy but it shows the difference).

BAD EXAMPLE: (Mood)

Extremely annoyed, Superman tells Lex Luthor, “Lex, you’re crazy! Trying to take over Metropolis with a hair growing scheme is just stupid! I’m leaving!”

He goes on to his date with Lois, now as Clark Kent, and says with a smile, “Sorry I’m fifty-seven minutes late, Lex kept me at work! Anyway, how was your day?”

Why it’s bad:

Okay I know this is cheesy I’m sorry I wrote this at 2 am last night lkdjflksjdfhskjdfhjashf ANYWAY. Superman goes from talking to Lex, who he doesn’t like and is quite annoyed with, to talking to Lois, who he does like and presumably isn’t annoyed with at all. The problem here is that you usually can’t turn moods off like a switch. Even though Superman likes Lois, he wouldn’t walk into the date perfectly happy. The annoyance from dealing with Lex would stay with him (though it would probably fade the longer the date went on). I think instead of smiling, he would be rolling his eyes a little and complaining like, “I swear, he’s so inconsiderate….”, instead of immediately jumping into “how was your day?”

GOOD EXAMPLE: (Dynamic)

Superman laughs as Robin does a flip off his shoulder. “Good job! Maybe next time we could try it from a little higher up,” he winks.

Robin cheers, “Yes! Thanks, Uncle Clark!”

Superman nods and leaves, finding Batman in the hallway. Seriously, he says, “Batman.”

“Superman.”

“Did you get your report done? They’re due by this afternoon.”

Why it’s good:

Again with the cheese that’s my bad lmao. This is mostly to show that characters are gonna sound different when speaking to different people. When talking to Robin, who is a child and quite a friendly one at that, Superman is teasing and joking around. Then, when he talks to Batman, who’s a grown man and also his coworker, he’s more serious and to the point. Both situations fit his character but show he’s got different relationships with different people.

IN CONCLUSION, uhhhhh yeah follow these points and hopefully dialogue will come a little easier. Experiment and have fun with it (these aren’t rules, but guidelines!), and if there are any questions I’m happy to clear them up/answer them/whatever lol.

#long post #writing advice #dialogue advice #writing tag #idk what to tag this as??#shut up dottie #Anonymous

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allhallowsreid · 5 years ago

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just lots and lots of very long-winded, random thoughts about last night’s finale and the show itself...

so obvs no one has to agree with me on any of this, i just feel like there likely ARE ppl who feel like this and it’s easy to get shut down on tumblr for having different opinions, and i mostly just need to gather my feelings and thoughts in one place.

-ive seen a handful of ppl upset that the last ep centered around reid, but if you were to take 10 fans of this show, it’s a pretty good chance that 8 or 9 of them would say reid is their fave character. that isn’t me trying to insult any of the other characters, that’s just the way it is. whether it’s bc of his looks (and my lord was he gorgeous in this finale ep), or that he’s your typical cute white boi, or more organic reasons like he’s been there since day 1 and we were able to watch him change and grow, and he’s the opposite of the typical male characters we often see, especially on cop shows.. whatever the reason, he is a VERY popular tv character. and if it weren’t for that character, for better or worse, this show would have ended a long time ago.

-the ending itself.. i just feel like i don’t know what ppl were expecting?? this is not a show like supernatural or dexter or a show that has had a fluent overarching story to tell from start to finish. the story continues without us watching it. it’s another day at the office for them. was it a great ending? no, but it was fine. we see where all of them are headed. endings are so difficult, i’m just glad they didn’t kill anyone off or some garbage like that.

-so damn happy they hooked up luke and garcia. i have had such issues with garcia’s character since morgan left, i feel like she became a caricature, where she just overacts and i recently read an article with kirsten where she actually admitted that when shemar left she really didn’t know what to do with her character anymore. honestly? it showed. the obnoxiousness to luke was cute at first bc she obviously had a crush on him, but then it just became mean and out of character. this season i was happy to see her get a little bit more back to herself. all this being said, they were very clearly headed towards getting luke and garcia together this season with the overt flirting and one on one convo’s, i’m so glad they went through with it instead of leaving it open ended. and i will admit that of all the characters, i didn’t think garcia would be the one to leave, but it made sense. garcia is tough as hell, much tougher than she gives herself credit for, but like luke said, she can do this other job without the gore that she cringes over in literally every single episode of the show. also loved jj saying garcia was the glue of the team. so true, so well said. and side note, kirsten does a hell of a job writing these characters that she knows all too well, the other writers should’ve just let her take over in later seasons.

-prentiss... i love my emily so dang much, but man they give her the absolute worst dialogue. she gets stuck with all these long sentences that just.. they just don’t flow?? and it takes me out of the show so often. this has been since s12 when she became unit chief. there has been a handful of times since she became the boss that we have had flashes of old school smartass goth girl emily, and i cherished each moment, but it wasn’t enough. somewhere along the way they forgot how to write into the show that their characters had PERSONALITY. just as an example of the stupid dialogue she gets.. the end of the ep where it’s intended to look like rossi’s retirement party. then, idk who it was, emilys boyfriend maybe(?) says some dumb comment about oh gee i thought this was dave’s retirement! and then emily starts some awkwardly long line that could’ve been summed up in “dave decided not to retire afterall” and it was just soooo... weird?!!? if we are agreeing that A MONTH has gone by.. you are to tell me that it never once came up that dave said he was gonna retire and then changed his mind!??! that night, one month later, is the first that this discussion occurred!!?!?! and all of these dumb lines come out sounding so robotic, and i can’t blame paget, bc the lines are boring as hell. also unless i missed something i can’t rule emily out of being the next director, especially since their profile ended up being correct, lynch and the mom didn’t kill themselves, so i’m sure when that all came out, the next hurdle emily would have to clear is how they just blew up their very expensive jet right after having a budget meeting 2 episodes ago!!

- i’m gonna lump the newer characters together.. and just say that it was all too little, too late. they tried to give matt and luke more this season, and the ep’s centered on them were great, but it all felt forced to me. all this character development should’ve started as soon as they came onto the show. the relationships between the new and original characters also feels forced a lot of times, barring relationships like rossi and his boys, luke and garcia, tara and emily.. i mean that’s kind of all, right? we never saw much off-the-job, personal interactions between them and the rest of the characters, did we? and the way tara was treated on this show is inexcusable. aisha’s talents were so underused on this show it was criminal (pun intended). and actually, the above stuff i said about emily getting nonsense dialogue, you can throw matt in there too. his dialogue was friggin god awful at times on this show. in the words of early seasons reid, maybe try to be more conversational, writers!!

-man oh man was jj a badass and a half in this finale. tbh i always enjoyed liaison jj more than ssa jj, but when badass jj comes out i get all excited. i do feel like she would be the best fit to take over if emily left, she’d stepped into that role before and excelled. but she is another character that at times i think the writers just forgot how to write her personality somewhere along the way. i understand that the reality is that people change over time, but there were times that she was written like a typical high school mean girl, and that was just an insult to the character they created. the whole jeid thing was severely overblown and unnecessary. i don’t hate the idea of them being together, but why wait til s14-15 to deal with this? in the end i thought it was handled okay, i personally didn’t feel like it ruined their friendship or stayed awkward, which i appreciated, it was just a storyline that wasn’t needed and wasted time. also, ppl griping about “oh but she clearly loves will, if she loves spencer then she can’t love will!” i mean, actually, ppl are capable of loving more than one person at a time, hate to burst that bubble for ya.

-this seems like a good moment though to pause and just get this out about will lamon-fuckin-tagne jr... this guy is too good for jj lol, i am sorry but he is such a great guy. and can we review some things about will and his wife’s bestest friend, godfather to his children, spencer reid?? when will and spencer first met, it was during an unbelievably personal case to will, i mean his father died sending him a message about this case that the fbi was called in on. and his first intro with reid?? let’s see, reid spent that ep strung out on drugs, and full on abandoning the case to go hang out with his friend at a club/bar/lounge/whatever. ok, so that’s will’s first impression of jj’s bestie, and will STILL okay’d him being the godfather of his kids. not to mention, can you imagine your wife has been gone in the damn middle east for who even knows how long, then when she finally gets back and you think you’re gonna have her to yourself, but oh no, here comes jj’s friggin bestie again to come cry on the couch every night for several weeks!!!! and he gives zero indication of not liking spencer, in fact he seems rather fond of him. will is the most patient man ever, i swear.

-ok that was an unexpected side track. moving onto rossi. not sure why they were all like oh pfft this guy will never retire. the dude literally retired before the show started lol. if he retired once, when he was fairly young, why is the idea of it happening again so impossible? again, dumb dialogue. i loved the stuff with him and young gideon (i may be biased tho bc i’m just so damn proud of ben savage), i loved that rossi knew more about the jet than the others, however that was an inconsistency bc when rossi came back from retirement, he couldn’t believe the bau had its own jet. unless i just misunderstood what emily meant when she said it all started with rossi and gideon. i felt like lynch was a very underwhelming villain. super forgettable. there was no charisma like foyet or cat adams, there was no creep factor like mr scratch, there was no mystery like the replicator or the fisher king. his whole story just fell flat, and if there were anything interesting about him whatsoever, it’s bc of what rossi brought to the table, not the “chameleon”.

-my boy reid. he has several lifetimes of baggage to unpack, and i think of all the characters on this show, no one hates unpacking their trauma more than reid. i feel like it was so relatable that he could barely speak in this ep without sounding on the verge of tears, like every sentence was painful to even get out bc of how much hurt is stored up inside him. his trauma has defined him for years now, and if they had ended the show without addressing even some of it, the show would’ve been incomplete. i understand that actors schedules just don’t work out sometimes, but idk what the point was of having strauss and foyet be his devil and angel. and foyet’s long explanation of how bc he changed hotch, he changed the team was so convoluted that he may as well have just said “they couldn’t get james van der beek or the dude who played mr scratch, so im here instead”. i liked what they did with reid and maeve, and i actually don’t mind that there was no mention of max. they’re still very early in their relationship, and i feel like him coming out with some “wait i think i love max!” revelation would just be too fast and ooc. we already know that the relationship between them is growing, it doesn’t need to be said. and can i get an amen that maeve and reid didn’t kiss bc god that would’ve been weird as hell.

- i hate that we couldn’t have hotch or morgan or blake or elle or any of the main characters that helped make this show what it was, but i’m still grateful for the crumbs they gave us if the actors just couldn’t be booked for whatever reason. i’ve seen many shows at their end just try to pretend their previous characters never existed, so that we got some flashbacks with them was appreciated.

- RIP bau jet. i wiiiill reMEMber youuuuuuu.

-the song choice of david bowie’s Heroes was perfection. strangely, when i was driving home from work yesterday that song came on my playlist and i blasted it on repeat and performed a car concert for my fellow drivers on the road, and thought to myself that this song would be great for cm to end on. never thought they would actually do it since they had previously used the song in penelope’s ep. but what a great scene of all them dancing and singing and laughing like the bunch of nerdy idiots they are.

-i came late into the game with this show. ppl have been telling me for years to watch it and i only picked up watching in s13, after i read a spn/cm crossover fic and became super curious about who all these awesome characters were. with that said, i’m aware that since i haven’t invested years of my life in this show, that my feelings and thoughts about the ending will be different than those who have been hooked on this show for over a decade. i’m still just so thankful for the family portrayed by this show, and these characters i fell in love with, and episodes i’ll never forget.

#text posts #series finale #thx for reading if u took the time to do so :-)#criminal minds

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