#everythings burnt at my mcdonalds

[askewhammer]

hints on Starbucks menu?

I have... no clue. I have never entered a Starbucks in my life. Everything's so expensive. I'm gonna stick to my burnt mc Donald's frappe thank you

[ameagrice]

Capsize

chapter nineteen | time to pray

percy jackson x fem reader

There are a lot of things that make up a person. Their habits; their hobbies, their likes and dislikes. More intricately, the way they tie their shoelaces; their favourite song and the reason why.

It was bright summer. Even in the evening, as the sun began to set, the sky was turning from a gorgeous yellow to a burnt, crisp orange-pink, streaks in the sky. Driving across the passover, you rested your elbow on the wound-down window, just watching the water shining with every movement. It was still, and so pretty. You tried to take a picture of it, but a Blackberry couldn’t compare to real life.

Billy Ocean was playing on the radio, your dad’s favorite singer, and he sang quietly along to a song. Usually he’d tell you that you’d wound the window down too far and to put it back up, but he was in a relatively good mood. You hadn’t asked why.

It wasn’t like your relationship was all bad. He had his unusual ways—strict tendencies. You had your lashings out—angry tears and despair. Most days, you managed to look past it.

Especially on the good days.

You’d gone for food out at some small restaurant you’d suggested. Your dad always had been more for the extravagant, up-town places. You were happy with a Chinese takeout, or a McDonalds. He wore a Rolex and drove a Range Rover. You liked the smaller cars your cousin drove with the cute Hawaiian decorations hanging from the centre mirror. He was your dad, and you loved him in a way, but never were you close. You couldn’t think of a day in your life when you both had been. Maybe when you were younger, but not much came your way after that.

You were more like acquaintances, than father and daughter. It didn’t help that you didn’t look like him much, either. You always thought it was nice when your friends looked like their parents—the comments like ‘don’t you look so much like your mom!’ or ‘wow, you and your dad look so alike.’

What did your dad have to bond with you over?

The noodles, apparently.

“Hey, we’ll try that again at some point,” he said, turning the music down. You didn’t see the point. You wanted to lean over and turn it back up. “Wasn’t that food so good?”

“Yeah,” you nodded lightly. That’s why I picked it.

When you got home, his girlfriend was there. She smiled and gave you a small hey, but that was the end of it.

Later, you heard them yelling about why she wasn’t invited for dinner.

You never went back to the restaurant. Not with your dad.

—

“DUDE.”

“DUDE!”

“HEY! Can you hear me?!”

You opened your eyes, grimacing. Percy sat next to you. “Bro, you’re scrambling my brain right now.” You sat up, huffing slowly.

The first thing you noticed was the lack of jacket. It was on the floor at the end of the small cot you lay on, visibly shredded. You looked down, expecting the worst, only to find that your hand was in perfect condition: your skin seemed to gleam a little, like you’d had a full polish and shine. Everything was back to normal. You reached up to your ear—all fine.

“Huh,” you said, turning your arm this way and that, expecting it. There was no pain. “Thought I was gonna be a one-armed bandit.”

Percy snorted. “They managed to stop it, sorry to tell you.”

“Damn.”

You looked around. A lantern filled with white light showed the shimmer of the tent you were inside of. A silver jacket, which seemed to look around your size, lay on a small table in the middle of the space.

It came flooding back. Your head snapped to Percy.

“Annabeth?”

His whole expression just dropped. “She’s gone. Not dead, I mean, that wasn’t the right thing to say. But we can’t find her. It’s like she’s disappeared completely.”

You sat in silence, taking it in. “She’d have never fallen off that cliff if she hadn’t been trying to save me.”

“Don’t say that—”

“Well it’s true!” You burst. Percy startled. “It’s true and you know it is! She only jumped at Thorn because he jumped at me. Because I was the weakest one there and he thought he could take me. Am I wrong?”

His hesitation stabbed your heart, but all in all, you knew you were speaking nothing but the truth.

“We’ll find her.” You decided firmly. “She’s my sister. As annoying as she is, we can’t leave her.”

Percy nodded. And that was that.

“One of the girls left you a jacket since yours got ruined,” Percy leaned over to grab it. In your hands, it felt like silk, but putting it on, it blocked out every ounce of coldness in the air.

“Whoever designed these is my new favorite,” you mumbled, standing up. Your legs felt stiff, unused, but with a tight stretch of your arms above your head, on your toes, it wasn’t nothing that couldn’t be fixed. “Shall we go find the others?”

You first found Grover. He looked star-struck, as if he’d just seen a meteorite or an eclipse. When he saw you, he sighed deeply.

You watched as he visibly deflated like a helium balloon. “Oh, thank the gods you’re alright! I thought you were dead!”

“Nope,” you popped. “Still standing.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” he said.

“Where are the kids?” You asked, scouring the area. “Nico and Bianca?”

“Nico’s over there, building a snowman. Bianca is…well, I’ll take you to her.” Percy grabbed your elbow to pull you along.

Walking between tents set up (and dodging wolves prowling the area) you set your sights on Bianca sitting with two older girls on either side of her. She laughed like she hadn’t had a good bout of laughter in her life, like nothing had ever been funnier. It was lightening, in a way. She wore the same coat you did, but she looked more…alive? than before. Her skin glowed healthily, and there seemed to be a different vibe around her.

“Hey,” Percy greeted. His voice didn’t hold its usual spark of cheekiness. You guessed the Annabeth situation had drained him of it. “Bianca, can we talk to you for a minute?”

The girls at her side pulled a face. You fought with yourself to keep your mouth shut. Rudeness was a quality you did not take well to, even if you yourself could have your moments.

She nodded, her smile falling slowly. “Sure.” The first thing she said to you was, “I really thought you were going to die.”

“Not a chance,” you shook your head. “Didn’t even hurt.”

She looked between yourself and Percy as if to say is she for real? Bianca raised her eyebrows.

You reached a small clearing away from the camp. Not far away enough to be dangerous, but enough to grant some privacy in your conversation.

“So,” she looked at Percy. “What’s this about? If Nico said something about his mythomagic cards again, you just gotta go along with it—”

“It’s not about the card—game—thingy. Could you just explain your girl group to B? She, you know, doesn’t know.”

“Oh!” Bianca clasped her hands together enthusiastically, beaming all of a sudden. “I’m a Hunter of Artemis, now!”

You tilted your head a little. “What’s that? Like a new band or something?”

Bianca laughed. “No! Artemis’s hunters are the girls that saved us. They hunt monsters and things. And get this—it gives you immortality.”

Your eyes practically bugged out of your head. “Huh? Like, actually? That’s a thing?”

“Yeah! Cool, right?”

“No!” Percy blurted. “Not cool! Bianca, you and Nico were supposed to come back to camp with us! Not join a Girl Scout group!”

“It’s not Girl Scouts, Percy! This is good for me! I can’t babysit Nico anymore. And he needs different company.”

“Babysit?” You frowned. “Hang on. Backtrack. When did all this happen?”

“When you were knocked out,” Bianca explained, leaning on her hip. She crossed her arms. “Artemis offered me it.”

“What, you just say you wanna sign up and you’re in?”

“You’re not thinking of joining?” Percy looked at you incredulously. “Come on, guys!”

“I mean…!” You looked away. “Immortality?” You offered.

“So?!”

“You have to say a pledge,” Bianca informed. Her eyes seemed brighter talking about it. “Something about pledging yourself to Artemis, and…uhhh…”

“I mean, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” you wrinkled your nose. Percy looked devastated.

“Oh!” She snapped her fingers. “And you have to pledge a life of no boys.”

You whipped your head back in her direction. “No boys?!”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“Yeah…I’ll pass on that one…”

“Look, Percy thinks I’m making a horrible decision. But I’ve already joined, and I’m having fun already. Nothing bad can come of this,” Bianca reasoned, flaying her hands.

You looked from her to Percy. He still looked horribly defeated. But Bianca looked so happy. And who were you to take that away from someone?

“I think if you’re happy, then that’s what matters.” Bianca squealed. “Look, let’s just go back to the others and see about getting back to camp. God knows we all need to.”

—

It turned out your only form of transport was a school bus. A school bus formerly a sun chariot. A sun chariot belonging to…

“Apollo.”

At first, you’d expected to feel the anger you did when Artemis explained she’d called on her brother for transport. The man who gave you nightmares when he believed you and your friends were at fault for stealing Zeus’s bolt. The man who threatened you in your sleep. But when he finally arrived in person, and began looking down your small line of friends…

“Oh, dear Jesus…”

“Oh, dude, gross,” Percy huffed. “Don’t tell me you actually like this guy?”

You were encapsulated by the blond beauty that was Apollo. In person he seemed to shine more. His hair was a perfect shade of gold-blond, his teeth bright white and perfectly straight. His face was delicately crafted, and he stood lean but strong talking to Thalia. She seemed to be caught on him just like you, fumbling over her words.

“Are you blind?” You muttered, unable to look away. “Look at him…” your voice caught.

“Don’t get emotional, dude. Look at him! He’s not worth it.” Percy rolled his eyes. “Wake up! Look—”

“Percy Jackson.” Apollo stared at him hard for a few seconds.

“Yeah. I mean, yes, sir,” Percy fumbled.

For a minute, Apollo was silent, just staring. Percy began to lean his weight from foot to foot.

Then he looked to you.

“Hey,” he pointed at you. “I know you,” he grinned crookedly.

You hummed sweetly, letting a soft, lovesick smile come to your face. Percy elbowed you.

If you’d been expecting anything more, you weren’t going to get it.

“Well!” Apollo clapped his hands. “We should get going. Ride only goes one way: West. And if you miss it, you’ve missed it.”

He’d pulled up in a red Maserati. It only seemed to have two seats.

You raised the issue yourself.

“Uh, Apollo?”

“Yes?” He stood admiring his own car.

“There are only two seats,” you twirled your hair with your finger. Apollo turned to look at you. “There’s a lot more of us.”

“Well, aren’t you observant.” He smiled prettily.

If looks could kill, Percy would have had Apollo buried a thousand feet under.

“Whats got your frilly knickers in a twist?” You mumbled, leaning in closer to Percy as Apollo set about changing the car to—oh, God, a bus.

“Nothing,” he huffed. “Just come on.”

You all boarded the bus.

The Hunters piled in the back, muttering something about being far away from Apollo. You couldn’t understand why. If anything, you’d die to be closer to Apollo. That man was straight from Heaven.

Nico sat up front with yourself, Percy, Grover and Thalia. It felt a little weird to be leaving without Annabeth, wrong almost, knowing she could be somewhere out there or worse, but there wasn’t much choice.

“This is so cool!” Nico scrambled to the front seat, climbing up and turning the wheel this way and that. “Is this really the sun? I thought Helios and Selene were the sun and moon gods? How come sometimes it’s them and sometimes it’s you and Artemis?”

“Downsizing,” Apollo leaned his elbow on the window screen. “The Romans started it. They couldn’t afford a load of temple sacrifices so they laid off Helios and Selene and just folded their job descriptions into ours. My sis got the moon. I got the sun. It was pretty annoying at first, but at least I got this car.”

You tried to imagine Apollo as the moon god. It didn’t sit right with you. He was definitely a sun guy.

“But how does it work?” Nico rambled on. “I thought the sun was a big ball of fiery gas?”

Apollo ruffled Nico’s hair and chuckled. Probably loving the attention.

“That rumor probably got started because Artemis used to call me a big fiery ball of gas. Seriously, kid, it depends on whether you’re talking astronomy or philosophy. You want to talk astronomy? Bah, what fun is that? You want to talk about how humans think about the sun? Ah, now that’s more interesting. They’ve got a lot riding on the sun…Uh, so to speak. It keeps them warm, grows their crops, powers engines, makes everything look, well, sunnier. This chariot is built out of human dreams about the sun, kid. It’s as old as Western Civilization. Every day, it drives across the sky from east to west, lighting up all those puny little mortal lives. The chariot is a manifestation of the sun’s power, the way mortals perceive it. Make sense?”

Nico blinked. “No.”

“Well then, just think of it as a really powerful, really strong car.”

“Can I drive?”

Apollo shook his head instantly. “No.”

“Oooh!” You shot up in your seat, waving your hand enthusiastically. “Can I?”

“Y—”

“Absolutely not,” Percy said. You pulled a face. “Dude, you can’t even ride a bike!”

“So?”

“So?”

“Hmm…satyr…too furry. Daughter of Zeus!”

“No.” Thalia deadpanned. “Not a chance.”

“C’mon,” Apollo persuaded. “How old are you?”

Thalia hesitated. “I don’t know.”

Apollo tapped a finger to his lips. “You’re fifteen. Almost sixteen.”

“How do you know that?”

“Hey, I’m the God of Prophecy. I know stuff. You’ll turn sixteen in about a week.”

“That’s my birthday! December twenty-second!”

“Which means you’re old enough to drive with a learner’s permit!”

“Uh--”

“I know what you’re going to say,” said Apollo. “You don’t deserve an honour like driving the sun chariot.”

You wrinkled your nose. The appeal of Apollo was slowly lowering. Maybe you could look past it. Well...

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Don’t sweat it! Seriously, Maine to Long Island? Pfftttt, easy trip. And don’t worry about the last kid I trained. You’re Zeus’s daughter. He won’t blast you out of the sky.”

Thalia’s eyes bugged. “What.”

Apollo hit a button on the dashboard and ushered Nico out of the seat, pushing Thalia down gently on to it. A sign popped up on the windowscreen. WARNING: STUDENT DRIVER. 

“This is it,” you murmured depressingly. “It was nice knowing you, Percy. I’ll see you in the Fields of Asphodel.”

“Bro. Don’t jinx us before we’ve even moved,” he moaned back just as depressingly. 

“Take it away!” Apollo told Thalia. “You’ll be a natural! Speed equals heat, so start slowly, and make sure you’ve got good altitude before you speed up.”

“She’s gonna set us on fire.” 

“Dude, shut up!”

Thalia gripped the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white. Percy leaned over in his seat. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing is wrong,” she shook. “Nothing.”

She pulled back on the wheel. It tilted, and the bus lurched upward so fast that Percy fell back, literally crushing you behind him. You could have sworn your nose cracked. 

“I swear to God!--”

“Sorry!”

“Slower!” Apollo said. He stayed standing like nothing was wrong, but his face showed his tenseness. That tight-fitting shirt shifted as he moved a hand to hold onto a rail. 

“Sorry! I’ve got it all under control.”

You turned your head slowly to the window. Where Thalia had pulled off the ground, a circle of burning trees lay flattened and smoking. You gulped. “We’re done for.”

“Don’t say that!” Apollo tried sounding positive, flashing a shaky smile. “You’re smart enough to know things will work out.”

“Yeah, my funeral bills.”

“Thalia, lighten up on the accelerator,” Percy instructed. 

“I’ve got it, Percy,” she said, gritting her teeth. But she kept it floored. Physics might have explained why you were pushed back in your seat, but you were so distracted by Thalia’s foot on the floor that all theory left your brain. 

“Loosen up,” he said. His hands were tight on the seat in front. 

You sighed, trying to sit up. Your words were strained. “I may as well start praying now.”

“We need to veer left for Long Island,” Apollo said. “Hang a left.”

Thalia jerked the wheel. Percy’s head bashed your mouth this time.

“DUDE!”

“Thalia!”

She swerved right, and this time, you fell into Percy. Your forehead met his chin. He yelped while you shouted, a piercing pain shocking you. 

“Ah...a little lower, sweetheart. Cape Cod is freezing over.”

The bus pitched down, and Percy screamed a girly scream next to you. Apollo fell down the aisle and you were so shocked that all you could do was burst out laughing, terrified. He started climbing back up the rows of seats. 

“Take the wheel!” Grover begged.

“No worries, all she has to do is just learn--”

“No worries?!” You yelled. “I have dreams, man! Take the wheel!”

Below you, a city covered in snow began to smoke in small plumes. Rooftops began to literally incinerate, the snow melting away in less than a few seconds. 

“Pull up!” Percy yelled. 

Thrown back in your seat once more like a rag doll, you watched out the window with a hammering heart as the fires began to be snuffed out by a sudden jet of cold that took over as the bus moved away. In the distance, you could seethe coastline--camp wasn’t too far away.

“There!” Apollo pointed. “Camp Half-Blood, dead ahead. Let’s slow down, dear. Dead is only an expression.”

Thalia was thundering towards camp quicker than you found comfortable. You hadn’t driven a car before (unless bumper cars counted at a carnival), but you could even feel something wasn’t right about her speed coming in to camp. 

“I’m under control,” she muttered. “I’m under control.”

You’d gotten so close now that the people in the lake were visible. 

“Brake,” Apollo said. 

“I can do this.”

“BRAKE!”

You were all slammed forward, your face smarting as it hit the seat in front of you. You barely felt Percy’s arm fling out in front of you, though the effort was wasted; it did nothing. 

The bus hit the canoe lake. Every bone in your body jolted. The bus floated to the surface, bobbing up and down. You could hear steam sizzling. 

Everyone sat up slowly, including you. 

“Well, said Apollo. You were right, darling. You had everything under control. Let’s go see if we boiled anyone important, shall we?”

All I could think of was the ‘Jesus take the wheel’ song from Vine. Anyway, as usual, thoughts are appreciated. Hope you enjoyed!

Taglist:

@bl6o6dy @embersparklz @lilyevanswhore @rottenstyx @hawkeye12 @rory-cakes @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @marshmallow12435 @luckydragontriumph @lantsovheiress @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol @bugsys-bubble @twsssmlmaa @gayandfairycore @padsfirewhisky @emu281 @mrswang17 @jessiegerl

[boatboysrowout]

hi im sharing your third life burger king au with the masses today. any trivia you want to share about it

- fun fact about me, i know next to nothing about third life. everything i know i learned against my will bc my roommate keeps hosting third life watch parties. consequently, i kept asking them about stupid shit that happened during third life for this au and this is how i learned ren was canonically naked during the execution.

- anyway moving onto in universe fun facts ren wakes up at the hospital with no memory of anything past crowning himself the burger king, so martyn tells him that they defeated the mcdonald’s in a glorious battle where martyn shielded ren with his own body and single handedly defeated grian and scar in hand to hand combat and also burnt down the white castle in his honor

- ren believes every word he says whole heartedly despite the seemingly permanent tear tracks down martyn’s face and the complete lack of any sort of physical evidence

- meanwhile scar wakes up alone and grian does not contact him for the rest of the summer. scar could not care less and spends the rest of his summer in the burn unit pitching his new definitely-not-an-mlm to bdubs and joel because they cannot physically leave. bdubs has a great time. joel pays him three hundred dollars to leave and never come back.

- grian meanwhile has flown back to england and spends the rest of the summer attached to mumbo’s side trying to replace his newly awakened gay feelings for his manager with deranged gay feelings for mumbo. it works a little bit.

- skizz feels awful about doxxing jimmy and exposing his google+ influencer career so to make up for it he spends the rest of the summer completely wiping jimmy’s presence from the internet. this works so well that jimmy and scott have to spend the rest of their summer trying to convince their university that jimmy does in fact exist and attend their school bc skizz also wiped him from the university’s database.

- tango had a great summer. he managed to hack the skee ball machine so he gets unlimited plays for a quarter and spends the entire summer becoming a pinball wizard. impulse joins him when he recovers from the stress of trying to be a patron to both the burger king and mcdonald’s and being consequently blackmailed by both of them.

- bigb had a very peaceful summer in the library. he wouldn’t say he spent the entire summer hiding from his friends per say, but he did spend what some would call an unnecessary amount of time in the archives in the basement.

- cleo and etho are also mysteriously absent the rest of the summer, and if anyone asks no they were not in the vicinity the white castle at 5:37 on June 7th stop asking questions if you value your life.

tell the masses i said hi

(og link here!)

[finniestoncrane]

HIII FINNIEEEEE!!!!! Soo for that feel good ask thingy 13, 14 and 23!!!!🧡

13 - what’s your comfort food?

OH ok so i love pasta bolognese!! and also mcdonalds is like a go to safe food (or at least it was before they changed the recipe and started putting grilled fucking onions on everything and now everything just tastes like fucking BURNT ONIONS >:c)

14 - favorite feel-good show?

i have lots of ccomort shows, but it has to not have episodes that make me teary so bob's burgers, the simpsons and futurama all have to bow down to peep show in that regard, because it makes me laugh in every. single. episode!! also if i want to feel good and comfy i'll toss on old trebek jeopardy, no offense to ken jennings because i do love him but i can't watch his stuff anywhere in the uk ;-;

23 - favorite piece of clothing?

i have a t-shirt that i never wear because it's too precious, it's from a tattoo artist in poland who i LOVE on instagram and will hopefully one day have on my body, it's their little mascot character george inside of a trolley and it says "why am i so cool?" and i treasure it u-u

[donut-cloud]

Lifesteal incorrect quotes

Spoke: I took a calculated risk but boy I am I bad at math

Vitalasy: Wow, all of lifesteal lost power.

Subz: You know, I’ve always kinda liked blackouts. Listen to how quiet it is. It’s so peaceful.

[ Lifesteal being Lifesteal. ]

Subz: Nope, it immediately turned into a purge. Way to go, Lifesteal.

*Everyone blowing up and killing everything in sight*

Life-stealers : LETS GOOOOOOOOO

Clownpierce: If there is such a thing as true love, I’m sure I’ll never find it.

Branzy: Oh don’t worry! I’m sure that you’ll find it someday. Maybe you and I can find it together.

Clownpierce , under his breath: I think I just found it.

In circus...Branzy wanted to surprise Clown for his anniversary...

Clownpierce : What is one thing I told you not to do?

Branzy: Don't burn the circus down...

Clownpierce : And what did you do?

Branzy: Made you dinner~

Clownpierce*Raises an eyebrow at him*

Branzy:...

Branzy:... and burnt the house down

Poafa: Can I share a hotel room with someone else? Zam has a really weird alarm.

Vortex: What do you mean?

Poafa: It’s a recording of him going, “Come on Barbie, let’s go party” over and over, but he just gets more terrifying each time.

Zam: Tell me a single time you didn’t sing along.

Poafa: …

Vortex: He has a point.

Poafa: Goddamnit.

Subz: Do you think he's the one for me?

Woogie: Vitalasy? Oh, yeah. He's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. He completes you.

Ro: Mappic… Did it hurt?

Mappic: What? When I fell from heaven? 

Ro: No. when you died.

Mappic:

Mappic: What the fuck do you think? It was a damn crowbar and a bomb. You tell me.

Things said out of context

Leo: You know, everytime we have to say "technically it's not murder" it doesn't sound as great as we hope it so.

-------------

Branzy, very tired: I suppose I shouldn't ask about the Bomb flying of your window this morning?

Zam: I'd really hope you not.

--------------

Spoke: I'm JUST SAYING, that IF "hypothetically" WE both showed up in battle  wearing  parrot onesies, hood down and then lifted up the hood just to show matching mowhawks we could both have the joy to see everyone  pissing on their pants.

Parrot putting his book down: I'm listening.

----------

Rekrap: Just- Just be nice about it, for once in your life okay?

Pangi: Hn. (lying)

-----------

Branzy: I'd like to remind all of you that I have a terrifying death clown.

Vitalasy: The fuck you mean by that????

Branzy: No reason. Just saying. In case we all forgot.

------------

Ashswag: We are all aware that Spepticale isn't fond of violence *loads glock*.

-------------

Spepticale, 10 years old talking about Ashswag to Clutch : Yeah, he just comes here, eat all our food, argues with Reddoons for 45 minutes and goes away.

--------------

Pangi, 15 years old, also talking about Ashswag to his school friend: He just comes here-

---------------

Branzy, very, very tired: So... a bomb.

---------------

Terrain: Do it.

Cube: Dude what the fuck.

---------------

Zam, 7 nights awake in a roll: Do you think if I just scream loud enough Clown will come here and put me out of my misery.

Mid, 12 nights awake in a roll: He won't.

---------------

Mid  at 3 am: I'll pay you fifty bucks if you pretend you never saw me here

---------------

Zam, 17 years old: The fuck are you doing here.

Clown, with a shitty ass grin showing the engagement ring on his finger: I live here.

Zam:..

Branzy: Listen-

Zam: Some of you still don't eat the crust on your sandwich like absolute fucking cowards. It's just bread. Are you a toddler? Does your mommy tuck you in? Eat the crust, you stupid baby.

Also Zam

Zam: BRANZY THERE'S CRUST ON MY SANDWICH

Spoke: Clown, can I have a silenced pistol?

Clown: Shouldn't you ask Branzy?

Spoke: He said no. 

Clown: Then why're you asking me?

Spoke: Because he's not the boss of you.

Clown: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

Bacon: how do you ask someone out?

Vitalasy: Well, first-

Subz: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Bacon: …And you said yes?

Clown, to Branzy: We had a date!

Branzy: *aggressively points to Spiderman Coloring Book*

Ro: Hey guys what’s up?

Mappic: Silence! this is a debate I intend to win.

Ro: huh?

Clown *eating popcorn* : You’re gonna wanna see this 

Jaron: BY FAR IT IS ONLY LOGICAL TO ASSUME- 

Mid: LOGIC HAS NO PART YOU’RE JUST BIASED

Clown: They’re fighting over who was the one which caused the most chaos 

Ro: 

Ro *reaches for popcorn* 

Clown *slaps his hand* : Nuh-uh Ro only the one with the title of MOST CHAOTIC lifestealer gets to eat popcorn 

Spepticale: YOU ARE A LITERAL ASSASSIN WHOS TRIED TO MURDER SEVERAL PEOPLE 

Clown: REMIND ME OF YOUR BODYCOUNT?! 

Ro: what now-

Clown: THAT WAS BARELY ANY  

Spoke: I was literally broke ALL the rules in lifesteal AND SUMMONED THOUSANDS OF MOBS

Clown: You’re all just competing for second place 

Ro: .. wait what about me? 

Everyone *stops and stares* 

Mappic: Ro, this is serious

Parrot: Yeah dude I remember your reputation and you haven’t changed 

Branzy: .. are you all done? 

Zam: BRANZY! Just who we want to see! So.. tell us, who was the most chaotic lifestealer ever 

Branzy*without hesitation* : Ro 

 Rek: Yeah it was Ro

Everyone:………

Ro*steals popcorn* : Y’all better start putting respect on my damn name

—————————

Behind the scenes

Ro: 2 hearts for you to say me 

Branzy: deal

--------------------------

I attempted  to write angst but kind of gave up in the end 

Momento mori = remember you must die (learned this in my arts class)

He stood near the cliff as the sun was setting. The wind blew his black hair left and right. The sun in front of her created a golden lining almost too faint to see. He watched him not wanting to disrupt the incredibly angelic scene in front of him.

In hopes of replicating his feelings, Branzy took a deep breath and walked towards Clown. As he turned around, he expected to see his bright red eyes almost gaze into your soul, you stared at them for long enough. Clown's head had turned around by the time his head was out of the clouds.

Branzy gaped in shock as he backed away, Clown’s eyes had been gouged out, and his lips, as well as his skin, had been ripped off of his face, blood was dripping down from everywhere, and the blood gushing from his eye sockets made it look like he was crying out blood, The bacteria in the air had started to rot away at his muscles. The blood continuously dropped on the green grass, turning a deep shade of maroon.

Branzy stared at him in shock and horror. He tried to run but couldn't. No matter how hard he tried something in him wouldn’t let him.

*************************

Branzy jolted awake as sweat dripped down his forehead. His breath became shaky as he tried to calm himself down from his nightmare. 

It had been years since Clown had passed away but even to this day, he couldn’t escape the guilt. Clown died because of him. It was his fault. If he had never taken the job, Clown would be with him. 

But life gives no second chances.

[w4nnab3be4utyqu33n]

A little weekly update bcuz im a wannabe celeb <3☆

Sooooooo, I'll start w monday since i was rlly busy this week. I've been consistently listening to subliminals and praying every night to boost all sub results, which actually has worked. Im prettier, my lashes are longer, my skin is lighter, my hair is looser and softer, and my body looks miles better. Im thinner, fitter, and better shaped now. Then tuesday was nothing much except i went to buy some makeup. Wednesday was also chill. Except my dad was being super annoying but otherwise everything was alright. Then thursday i went grocery shopping and forgot to get my dear cucumbers😔 and today i did something i thought i never would. I wore a crop top even though im still fat. It wasn't as bad considering that I've lost weight but yknow. I went to a parents meeting at school and hung out with friends afterwards and i actually had fun. No heartbreak, pain, or anything. I unfortunately ate over 1000 cals worth of mcdonalds but since i spent the entire rest of the day at the park messing around on the playground i burnt off most of it. But, since im extra, I'll still listen to subs and pray tonight. A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do lol.

Thxxxx and i luv u♡♡♡

[artificialqueens]

Kiss it Better (Anetra x Sasha Colby) - Writworm42

A/N: when Sasha gets home from a rough shift, Anetra surprises her with the perfect self-care night.This one goes out to my partner for understanding that the perfect way to a burnt-out healthcare worker's heart is fast food, weed, silence, and orgasms.

This was almost just fluff, but I decided to make it smut; thank you x3000 to Athena for beta-ing and helping me choose the perfect ending <3

Title from 'Kiss it Better' by Rihanna

Anetra can tell that Sasha’s had a bad day at work just from the way the door almost slams when she comes home. One look towards her girlfriend’s direction just confirms it; Sasha hasn’t said a word yet, but she looks disheveled and distracted. Add in the fact that she’s an hour and a half late, and you’ve got a trifecta that Anetra knows means bad news. 

“I’ve been pissed on, thrown up on, had an ostomy bag burst in my face, had to chase a patient to the parking lot after he extubated himself and bolted, skipped lunch to chart even though I skipped breakfast this morning too, threw out my back and did something weird to my neck, and had four patients die on me in the last two hours of my shift, which is a lot of paperwork,” Sasha doesn’t even look at Anetra as she stomps right past her towards the bathroom, “So unless you have like five Advil extra-strengths, an entire tub of ice cream, and a giant blunt, I’ll be in the bath using up all our Epsom salts.” 

Well. They’re out of ice cream, but two out of three ain’t bad, right? 

Anetra waits until she hears the water running to get to work. First she googles how many Advil extra-strengths are safe for human consumption in one sitting; next comes a text to Loosey, who she can always count on for an emergency McDonald’s run. Then she sets phase three into action, sliding into the bedroom and arranging everything else she’ll need for the perfect self-care surprise.

“Is this…” Sasha’s jaw drops as she comes into the bedroom ten minutes later, her hair wet and tangled and body wrapped in nothing but a towel. 

“Mhm,” Anetra nods, unable to help but feel a rush of affection for her girlfriend at the gratefulness in her eyes as she surveys the scene Anetra has laid out for her. Dimmed lighting and a safe number of painkillers with some wine to wash them down. A freshly-rolled joint laid by the open window, a light spring breeze bringing a cozy coolness to the room. A big mac combo and oreo mcflurry laid out on a paper towel so Sasha doesn’t have to worry about making a mess or doing any dishes later. And on the dresser, an array of massage oils and lotions, plus a diffuser spraying lavender scent into the air. 

“Come sit, baby,” Anetra pats the spot next to her on the bed, and Sasha obliges without another word. She eats fast enough for Anetra to almost be a little worried, but she knows by now that thanks to having absolutely no spare time at work, Sasha is an expert at swallowing without chewing. So instead of fretting, she grabs a comb and works through Sasha’s hair gently, letting her girlfriend enjoy the silence between them. She can see Sasha starting to relax with every stroke, and she takes a moment to massage her neck a little too, until Sasha gets up and moves to smoke without another word. 

“Fuck, that’s better,” Sasha sighs contentedly as she snuffs out the rest of her joint and leans back against the wall. 

“I’m glad,” Anetra says warmly. “So do you want the rest of your massage now, or save it for later?”

“Uh, now please,” Sasha laughs, looking at Anetra like it shouldn’t even be a question. “What else am I dating a massage therapist for?” 

“Then shut up and get on the bed, bitch,” Anetra rolls her eyes, grinning, but scoots over nonetheless to give Sasha room.

“You gonna be able to focus if I drop the towel?” Sasha teases as she climbs up next to Anetra, hands hovering over her towel, to which Anetra simply answers by swatting her playfully on the ass. 

“I might give a part or two special attention,” she hums as Sasha lays down, throwing the towel to the floor. “Now relax, and let me take care of you, okay?”

“Mhm,” Sasha closes her eyes contentedly as Anetra gets to work. Anetra works through Sasha’s body systematically, smoothing out every knot as she moves her hands over her girlfriend’s skin. It’s easy to do, for her; she knows every curve of Sasha, every quirk and sensitivity. She can turn her brain off and go by memory, savouring every happy sigh, every relieved moan, every shiver as another knot melts away under Anetra’s work. Her favourite soundtrack. 

“Fuck, that’s better than sex, you know that?” Sasha moans when Anetra is done, a wide, dopey smile on her face. 

“You say that every time,” Anetra laughs.

“Because it’s true every time,” Sasha retorts, sticking out her tongue at Anetra before pushing herself up and rolling over to look at her girlfriend face to face and show her more of that beautiful smile. 

“Oh?” Anetra teases as climbs up beside her girlfriend, nestles into her embrace as she lands a kiss on her lips. “You sure about that?” 

“Mm, I don’t know,” Sasha grins, grabbing the back of Anetra’s neck to pull her in for another kiss. “Should we test it out, refresh my memory a bit?” 

Anetra doesn’t say anything else, only moves her lips to Sasha’s neck. She starts off slow, kissing and licking and sucking as her hands find their way around the rest of Sasha’s body. Feeling and stroking and waiting to feel the goosebumps rise on Sasha’s skin, until she needs to start nipping and biting down gently to keep Sasha from squirming too much. 

“Fuck, that feels good,” Sasha breathes out as Anetra’s fingers find their way to her hips, her nails digging into the older woman’s skin slightly. Anetra simply hums, her hand continuing its journey downward over Sasha’s thighs and coming to cup her between her legs. 

“How about that?” Anetra murmurs, but Sasha doesn’t respond. Not that it makes much of a difference--the way Sasha’s eyes flutter closed and her head falls back against the headboard is all the answer Anetra needs. After one last kiss to her girlfriend’s neck, she pulls away to reposition, her hand wrapping around Sasha’s length as her mouth finds its way to the older woman’s breast. She sucks and strokes in tandem, swirling her tongue around Sasha’s nipple and twisting her wrist slowly, teasingly, just to work Sasha up. Within minutes, Sasha is beginning to squirm again, her breathing becoming more ragged with every move of Anetra’s hand. 

“That’s it, so good for me,” Anetra brings her lips up to Sasha’s ear, close enough for them to graze its shell, “Doesn’t that feel nice, baby?” 

Sasha opens her mouth to answer, but can only let out a guttural moan as Anetra chooses that second to speed up a little, grip Sasha’s cock just a little tighter. It’s enough to light a fire in Anetra’s own belly, but she pushes her arousal aside before it can get too consuming--she has a job to do, and she’ll be damned if she lets anything throw off her focus. So she closes her eyes against her own urges, focuses on breathing in the smell of Sasha’s body wash and the lotion she had used. Tunes in to listen for the little gasps and whimpers falling from her girlfriend’s lips, the ruffling of bedsheets under her twitching hips. 

“Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh my God --”

Anetra pumps Sasha through her orgasm, relishing the warm feeling of the thick white ropes as they spill onto her hand. Sasha, for her part, looks like an absolute dream, flushed and breathing heavily with her lips parted just slightly, her eyes still closed. And when she opens them again, there’s a cloudy quality to them, as if she just came out of a dream. It’s a picture Anetra never wants to forget, so she keeps her gaze unwavering as she licks the cum off of her hand, smiling mischievously. If it were any other night, she’d pay for that tease dearly, but despite the flair of arousal in Sasha’s eyes at the gesture, Anetra can tell that her girlfriend is too tired to continue. That’s okay; maybe it’s the lavender oil, but truth be told, Anetra is starting to get a little bit sleepy, too. 

“C’mere, baby, come cuddle,” Sasha coos warmly, grabbing Anetra around her waist and pulling her close. Anetra yawns, resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder and nuzzling close, letting out her own sigh of relief. 

They stay like that for a while, the silence heavy but warm between them, before Sasha moves again.

“Neech?”

“Mm?” Anetra hadn’t realized that her eyes had closed, but she blinks her sleepiness away as she opens them to look up at her girlfriend’s face.

“Thank you. For everything,” she leans down to kiss Anetra gently on the forehead. “I love you, you know that?”

Anetra smiles, nuzzling a little more into Sasha’s neck as she breathes out her answer.

“I love you, too.”

[pbandjesse]

Today was great. I am so very very tired. And also my back is sun burnt!! Which makes me annoyed but it's fine. I had a really great day.

I slept okay last night. I woke up a little before my alarm and was in a good mood. I was nervous about the day. This was my first market of the season and it was a big one.

James had already packed everything in the car. So I didn't have to bring much. I got dressed and felt very pretty. James asked if I wanted to get McDonald's breakfast. And I thought that would be really nice. So we would leave home and headed there.

We got to the museum after stopping at McDonald's at 8. Which was early. I wasn't actually supposed to set up until 830 but I knew where I was supposed to be, I had the map with the assignments, so I started setting up.

I said hello to the volunteer coordinator and soon other vendors were showing up. James would come back outside to help me put my tent up. I was struggling a little to do it alone. I was a little frustrated with James. They didn't have to start work until 830 and I thought they were going to stay outside and help me. But they would come back to help and I would take my time getting set up. But it was great in the end. Even if there were some hiccups. Specifically with my card reader. I needed a verification code from James's phone and they weren't answering me and I was getting very mad and then I had to walk across the parking lot to get the code and was just not thrilled. But it was fine. We made up. And continued a really good day.

I would accidentally start being in charge as other vendors started showing up. Helping to direct where people could go or who to get help from. But finally Kathleen would take over and she's great. I'm really glad she likes me so much because I also really like her and she's so supportive of my art and products. Feels good.

And this was a very very good day. I would be making sales throughout the day but I also was doing live print making and giving away my prints. And this was drawing people in. Plus giving out my business cards to so many people. I was having great conversations. Getting other people's cards to invite to Puhtok's music festival next month. Just having a great time.

I would start making sales right away. And it was funny that there was almost no rhyme or reason. It was a little of everything getting sold. Stickers, prints, plushies, keychains. I even sold a totebag! People were so sweet and telling me how much they liked my stuff and the energy of the day was just beautiful.

And it was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect. But the wind was strong. It wasn't so bad at first. But a few hours in people's tents started flying. Things were getting broken. My neighbor would let me have her extra tent weights and it was the only reason I wasn't flying away. But even that would save me. My baskets were going everywhere. And towards the very end of the day I had to have someone help me take my tent down because it tried to go flying and was just to dangerous.

I would get to spend a little time with friends today. Meril was there. And Jordan. We would go and get bagels together before the market started. And Stanley would spend some time hanging out with me enjoying the music. Jesse would even come out and sit with me and we would talk about me possibly coming to work with him to do events. Which I think I would really enjoy. A change of pace and I think me and him would really really do well working together. We will see if it leads anywhere in the near future.

I had made $200 by noon. I was thrilled. I was way past my goal, and had covered my table costs within the first hour. I was a little tired and frustrated by the wind but only a little. In general I was just in a great mood. It was great weather. I felt pretty. My body wasn't aching. I was having fun printing my free cards. I was meeting nice people. The music was good too! And best of all my airline tickets was finally sorted and I didn't have to be stressed about that anymore.

Eventually my tent would have to come down. One of the vendor volunteers would come and help me. Kathleen came over too as I was not the only one who decided to take down their tents. I would also take one of my tables away. I was just getting to tried to chase my stuff and my sticker displays just wouldn't stay up. Annoying. But whatever.

A dad and son would come up to ask a sewing question. They wanted to know how to close the last part of the goldfish plushie they had just made. So I taught them how to do a ladder stitch and the dad though it was magical. He tipped me $5. Which was unnecessary but very appreciated.

I would do my last few prints. But I was almost totally out of ink. So I packed that away too. And would just have my stuffed animal table out and would be chilling for the last hour.

Which is when I got sun burn. I didn't even realize! I had put on sunscreen but I did not get my back. My fault. Boo.

At 4 I started packing the last of my stuff. And as I was putting things away I made two more sales! Which ended my day at $450! That is my best ever one day market! I was so proud. This felt so good. Like validating. I'm a real artist and I'm really doing this. And I know not every week will be this successful but this was a great tone to start the season.

As I was finishing packing James came out to help carry things to the car. And once that was done we would spend the next couple hours enjoying the rest of the festival!

I had a lot of fun seeing some music, enjoying the jam sessions, wandering around the musuem and overhearing people talk about how cool the museum was. It made me feel so proud. I love the museum and I want other people to love it too. And this was just so good. This was such a wonderful event.

I would do some museum education stuff. Talking to people. About print for a long time. And the cannery. James hates when I do that without my name tag on. But I always tell people I work there before I start touching stuff. And I had some really awesome conversations. I also saw someone who looked super familiar and it turned out I knew him from TikTok! He makes the videos for the Baltimore Banner and we have talked on there before! That was very cool!

Me and Jesse would go pilfer the machine shop for some bolts. And James was running around helping with things. Eventually we went to get food. James got a burger and I got a really really excellent Egyptian falafel. It even had the whipped garlic sauce I love. It was a really really good meal.

I would eat at the front desk. And would answer some questions and chat with people. But eventually James was tired and I was tired and there was nothing else we needed to do. So we would go and find Beth and Bri and Jesse and said goodbye. And I was just in such a a good mood. Very very happy, after a very very good day.

My skin was starting to hurt though. I decided that I would take a cool black tea bath when we got home. And I would do just that.

When we got back here our neighbors, Sean, Victoria, and baby, were going for a walk. And we stopped to chat. Got to meet baby. And I was like "you made that!! That's crazy!!!" And she said "it's true!!". We let them know we would be traveling and to not think Callie was a criminal. And they wished us safe travels.

After we got eveything inside and put out of the way I would go and run my bath. And James would go for a walk to decompress.

And the bath was nice. But it didn't take the pain away as much as I hoped. Ah well.

When James got back they put aloe on me. And we would go through the bags to double check stuff and move some things around. And I am very pleased. My backpack is not to heavy. And I have everything I want to be on hand. And things are charged. Including my two battery packs. James would go over their list and we would make a plan for tomorrow.

I would hang out in the floor on front of my mirror. Which I have been doing a lot since I moved the bed and it's my favorite thing. Its like when I was in grad school, sitting in my walk in closet. It's good for the soul. I plucked my eyebrows a little and cleaned up my cuticles and enjoyed the evening.

I had bought a T-shirt at the end of the day and I am wearing that now, chilling in bed, and we are waiting to check in, 24 hours before our flight! I'm nervous and excited. I am hoping to get a good amount of sleep on the plane. I will do my best to just be chill and enjoy the ride.

I plan on getting my post up before we get in the air. But after that I am not sure when my post will be because of time zones! But we did get world service on our phones so I am hopeful about being able to use my phone. Fingers crossed!

I hope you all have a beautiful day tomorrow. I love you all!! Goodnight!!

[devilcatdarling]

3, 9, 11, 13?

Oh boy lots of words incoming

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

- a few times actually, but because said opinions happened to be either extremely ableist, transphobia, proshipper rhetoric, or infantilization of trauma victims, etc, things that are reflections of poor character irl passed as "opinions" that I'd much rather not see on my dash or associate with. Ship discourse and or ooc characterizations and the like for fictional media are things I usually just mute or ignore otherwise

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

- a lot of my choices are the usual common ones for the reasons you'd expect, though most of them I can respect as nuanced/complex characters and write/portray them as such. The main ones I dislike being Zote, the White Lady, the Pale King, Soul Master, and the Radiance.

Particularly the Radiance and White Lady. Zote is annoying, Soul Master is a haughty immortality seeking asshole that throws others under the wheels for his own gain, the Pale King is an in-denial deity seeking any methods to purpetuate his kingdom at the ultimate cost of his own kids, etc (at least he had regrets though? I'm not about to defend him though tbh)

But the White Lady and Radiance? Despicable. Both more than capable and willing to throw their own "children" into eternal suffering and hell for the sake of their wars. Radiance infecting and wiping out the entire populace of Hallownest over her fury towards another god for "stealing" from her. Burning everything to the ground and leaving nothing but sickness and corpses. No matter how justified her anger or fear of being forgotten could be, she has laid waste to the entirety of a population in the name of her rage and slaughtered countless mortals caught in the crossfire of a godly spat

The White Lady? Bitch. Biggest bitch. How her responsibility in things is often overlooked in fandom portrayals is astounding to me because, as the only one of the three gods involved in this shitfest that you actually can just talk to ingame, her complete and utter dismissal towards her remaining spawn, from her cold indifference towards Hollow as a "tarnished impure failure" to her insistence that Ghost offer themselves up as sacrifice for a kingdom that they owe nothing to, that left them to die, is vile on a level that makes me despise her the most out of most of these choices here. She then hides away to assuage her own guilt and leaves the rest of the kingdom she claimed to care for to burn, speaking to her last remaining child as an object and pleading with them to lie their neck over the guillotine for a kingdom long since burned to ashes while she does nothing but hide away

I'd fist fight her in a McDonald's parking lot at 2 am and win

11. Is there an unpopular character that you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

- I'm a pretty basic bitch in that most of the characters I like/dislike are also popularly liked/disliked in most fandom spaces but uhhh if I had to pick I'd say Unn. She's kinda just vibing under her lake separate from all the other godly bullshit going on and yeah she's not really trying hard to keep her own land but she's also kinda causing way less problems for everyone else unlike some aforementioned gods in this salt post. Also Greenpath as a nature realm is THRIVING compared to the rest of the burnt up and abandoned husk that is Hallownest so...Unn for the win lol

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

- Some people spend an excessive amount of time gatekeeping ships and characterizations and it's just..not that serious guys xD

Granted it's not a HUGE problem, but if I had a dollar for every time I have someone showing up in mine, or other ppl's, inboxes to inform them about how their characterization/au/ship for XYZ character is "incorrect" and lives rent free in their mind in a negative way to the point where they just HAVE to tell you how bad it is, I'd have a hefty pocket full of dollars right now. Other people having harmless headcanons and ships shouldn't consume so much of your time and energy to the point where you NEED to hit up the inboxes of Pale King stans or Quirrelnet/Pale Nightmare/oc x canon shippers to needlessly shit on their day and tell them they should stop liking things because you can't use your mute and block functions to curate your own space accordingly. Log off and go outside and breathe some fresh air, I'm begging you. You can not like or even HATE certain interpretations of characters, you can rant about them in your own spaces, whatever. But don't come into MY inbox telling me not to ship oc x canon because you hate women and can't stand seeing your fave fictional blorbo with zero canon dialogue or relationship content shipped with a girl. I promise you I don't give a shit xD

[asylos]

Eating helps when I have a migraine. Salty things. Things like McDonald’s French fries and popcorn. Assuming it’s not at the stage where everything is nausea. Tonight smells are nausea. My hand cream is nausea. But food is okay. My coworkers used to hate it. They’d come into work and I’d be there (I started at 7) and already eating microwave popcorn. They didn’t understand how I could be eating popcorn for “breakfast” and hated the smell of it. (It didn’t matter how perfectly you cooked it, even if you underpopped the bag, the microwave still gave off the smell of it being burnt.) But it kept things from getting worse while I was eating which meant I could make it though work. Anyway, I don’t have any microwave popcorn at home. The ants got into the last box I had and broke through the plastic wrapping on the packets to get inside. But the local theatres started delivering popcorn during COVID, and they still do. So I ordered movie theatre popcorn for delivery (it’s too icy out to go to the store and I’m in too much pain to handle going outside and interacting with people.) and I ordered some nachos and a hot dog and a bag of Swedish berries and an icee/slushie drink because it feels like such a waste to just order a bag of popcorn for delivery. The nachos came in a sealed bag that’s good till like April so they’ll be a snack for tomorrow. The candy is for later too. I don’t need or want that much sugar right now, but I keep getting cravings for them so it was a “might as well while I’m padding out the order”. Tavvy watched me the whole time I was eating the popcorn. She has a hard on for white cheddar SmartPop, and she understood this was the same base product. She wanted the popcorn. She kept sniffing the bag and trying to stick her head in it. My child with the unknown allergies and restricted diet wants all the snacks. She did not get popcorn. But there’s still a lot of popcorn wrapped up for later, she she’s not giving up hope.

[anonymousj3ster]

Detective: Chapter 1-Beginnings

"The fire was noticed at around 2:00 AM this morning." The fireman says, gesturing toward the wreckage of what was once an abandoned warehouse. I nod and it down in my notepad. It was an average, chilly February morning. I glance at the destruction. Where there was once an old warehouse was now simply a skeleton of a building. Burnt wood, broken glass, scorch marks on the ground. A classic case of arson. And of course, as one of the youngest, newest detectives in the field, I was dragged out of bed at 4:30 this morning along with Detective Rochen to deal with this, instead of sleeping in like everyone else does on a Saturday morning. I sigh and brush my dark brown bangs out of my face. "Any suspects?" I ask, edging a bit closer to the carnage.

"None." The fireman says, shaking his head. "It's been a while since anything like this happened." I nod along absently, walking slowly through the destruction, narrowly avoiding stepping on broken glass from windows. "Be careful." The fireman says, gesturing around. "There might be some live wires around." I freeze, eyeing the ground warily. "You haven't found anything here? Any evidence?" I ask both Rochen and the fireman- Brad, I think his name was?

"Nothing."

I pace carefully around, brown eyes flicking over every piece of wreckage for something useful, like a crow in search of shiny objects. I hear Rochen's footsteps padding softly behind me.

"Find anything yet?" He mumbled. I shake my head mutely, eyes still skimming the ground. They widen and I stop suddenly, staring at what I had almost stepped on. A live wire, writhing and sparking. Rochen catches up to me and stares at it. "Cool." He mutters, opening his water bottle to take a swig, only to drop it-

"No!" I gasp.

-right on the wire. Water pours onto the wire and to the wood around it. We both stare incredulously at the wire, then at each other with twin expressions of 'oh shit' before everything bursts into flame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stalk out of the car, pinching the ends of my hair as it starts smoking again.

"I'm really sorry Rebecca-" Rochen starts to blurt from behind me.

"It's fine." I say briskly, pushing open the doors to the police department that was sadly where I worked. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, before trudging to my boss's office. He was already waiting outside the door to his office, eyeing me.

"Rebecca." He says in way of greeting, opening the door to let me in. I walk in, hearing him do the same and shut the door behind him. I frown a little.

"Is Detective Rochen not joining us?" I ask as I sit down in a worn leather chair in front of his desk, confused. After all, it was Rochen who had gotten water on that wire, not me. My eyes rove over the room. It was annoyingly neat, the kind of organized that made me jealous. Books categorized by color sat on dark shelves, a few knick-knacks scattered tastefully around, awards hung neatly on the pale blue walls. It made my cubicle look like a preschool classroom after playtime.

"No, Detective Rochen is not joining us in this conversation." Chief Blassó says, settling into the office chair behind his desk. I tense up a little.

"But-"

"This is not about the...incident that happened today. At least, not exactly." He continues. Oh God. Was I being fired?

"As you know, you are the youngest detective here. And you've had a few... problems." He says. I wince. It wasn't that I was bad at my job. Not really, anyways. I was always the one to find the clues first, the first to put two and two together, the first to find the pattern and see where it was going. But actual fieldwork? Something always went wrong. I would get stuck in traffic trying to get to a location, or arrest the wrong person, or make a car burst into flames in a McDonalds parking lot.

"So, I've decided to give you a...harder case. Something even the best of the best can't crack." He announces.

...Huh? I suck at my job, so he's going to make it even harder? I stare blankly as I try to process this.

"Your a smart girl, Rebecca, but...just not the greatest at actually doing things out in the real world." He states kindly. Oh. Oh no. Was he going to give me deskwork? Have me sit in front of a computer for hours, researching and getting headaches from staring at the screen and searching for answers?

"So, I'm giving you a case that is admittedly a bit more...research-ish." He says, but he must see the look on my face because he immediately switches tactics. "But once you think you have the suspect, you'll be back out on the field to catch her!" He adds brightly. I frown a little. 'Her'? Did he already know who the suspect was? But then why give me a case that was already solved?

"It's the case of Eva Logger." He says quickly, shoving a folder I hadn't noticed was on his desk towards me. "I've already sent all the information you need on her to your email, and set up an interview with someone who was close to her." He stands up, practically running for the door.

It takes a moment for me to react.

"Eva...Logger?" I ask slowly, not certain I had heard him correctly. "The serial killer? But...the last detective that was assigned her case..."

"Died, yes. Tragic. But I have faith in you. Now, I have other matters to attend to." He says, before hurrying out the door. I stare as the door slams shut behind him. Yes, the last detective had died. And the one before that. And the one before that. The last 6 detectives who had tried tracking her down were all six feet under. Being assigned her case was like being handed a death sentence. I slowly stand up, shaking a little. But... I couldn't back down, could I? I had failed so many of my other cases. If I turned this down, I could lose my job.And more importantly, I would fail myself, prove to my father that I, that women weren't cut out for this work. So I just grit my teeth and grip the folder Blassó had given me. So that was it, then. I would either be the one to track down this unhinged, incatchable murderer. Or become her next victim.

[aussizzgroup]

Essential Australian Slang Terms for Aspiring Students

Embarking on an educational journey in Australia? It's time to familiarize yourself with some quintessential Aussie slang! Australians are renowned for their relaxed and informal way of speaking, which is considered a core part of their cultural identity.

Historically, Australian slang has deep roots, tracing back to the early English settlements in the nation, as highlighted by linguists from Monash University.

Before you pack your bags for Australia, here are 12 commonly used Australian slang terms to get you started:

Arvo: This term means afternoon. First noted in 1920, Australians often add "-o" to shortened words. For example, "ambo" for an ambulance driver and "rello" for a relative.

Usage Example 1: Let's catch up on Sunday arvo.

Usage Example 2: "Can we meet up later this arvo? I'm free after 3 PM."

Usage Example 3: "I have a dentist appointment this arvo, so I can't join the lunch

Barbie: Short for barbecue. Australians frequently add "-ie" to abbreviations. The term "selfie," originated in Australia in 2002, is another example.

Usage Example 1: Join us for a barbie this weekend!

Usage Example 2: "It's such beautiful weather today. Let's have a barbie in the backyard!"

Usage Example 3: "I'm bringing sausages and steaks for the barbie at Dave's place tonight."

Chucking a Sickie: This phrase means taking a day off from work, pretending to be sick. A 2018 study revealed that nearly half of Australians have done this.

Usage Example 1: I might chuck a sickie next Monday for some family time.

Usage Example 2: "John isn't really ill; he's just chucking a sickie to extend his weekend."

Usage Example 3: "I'm so burnt out. I'm thinking of chucking a sickie tomorrow."

Give Someone a Bell: Simply means to call someone. This phrase is also common in the U.K.

Usage Example 1: I'll give you a bell after my lecture.

Usage Example 2: "I haven't heard from Laura in ages. I should give her a bell tonight."

Usage Example 3: "If you get lost on the way, just give me a bell, and I'll guide you."

Hard Yakka: Means hard work. "Yakka" comes from the Yagara Indigenous language, meaning work.

Usage Example 1: Preparing for my final exams was hard yakka.

Usage Example 2: "Landscaping the garden was hard yakka, but the results are worth it."

Usage Example 3: "Studying for law exams is hard yakka, but I'm hoping it'll pay off."

Macca’s: The Australian nickname for McDonald's. The term is so popular that McDonald's stores in Australia were renamed Macca’s in 2013 for Australia Day.

Usage Example 1: I'm craving a burger from Macca’s.

Usage Example 2: "I'm starving. Let's grab a quick bite at Macca’s."

Usage Example 3: "The kids always want Happy Meals from Macca’s on weekends."

Mate: A widely used term for a friend. It's a versatile word, often used in different contexts.

Usage Example 1: Hey mate, how's it going?

Usage Example 2: "G’day mate, fancy a game of cricket this afternoon?"

Usage Example 3: "I ran into an old mate from school at the supermarket today."

No Worries: A phrase to indicate that something is not a problem or to say "you're welcome."

Usage Example 1: "Thanks for covering my shift!" – "No worries, happy to help."

Usage Example 2: "You accidentally spilled your drink? No worries, I'll clean it up."

Usage Example 3: "Thanks for returning the book. No worries, I wasn't in a hurry."

She’ll be Right: An expression of optimism, meaning everything will work out fine.

Usage Example 1: Concerned about your university application? Just work hard, she’ll be right.

Usage Example 2: "I'm not sure if I packed everything for the trip, but she’ll be right."

Usage Example 3: "The car's making a strange noise, but she’ll be right until we get to the mechanic."

Uey: Pronounced "You E," it refers to a U-turn.

Usage Example 1: We need to go back, chuck a uey up ahead

Usage Example 2: "We missed our turn; we'll have to chuck a uey here."

Usage Example 3: "Just up ahead, chuck a uey at the traffic lights."

Uni: Short for university, commonly used in Australia, New Zealand, and the U.K.

Usage Example 1: My uni friend just had a baby!

Usage Example 2: "I've got a couple of lectures at uni this afternoon."

Usage Example 3: "She's studying biology at uni and really enjoying it."

Veggo: Refers to a vegetarian. With a growing number of vegetarians in Australia, finding vegetarian options is easy.

Usage Example 1: My brother, a veggo, makes great veggie burgers.

Usage Example 2: "My sister's a veggo, so we need some vegetarian options for the party."

Usage Example 3: "I've been a veggo for five years now and feel healthier than ever."

Understanding these slang terms not only eases your cultural transition but also enriches your Australian educational experience. So, start practicing these phrases, and you'll blend in like a local in no time!

Aussizz Group streamlines the visa acquisition process for study, work, and more, offering expert guidance and tailored solutions to ensure a smooth and successful application journey.

Aussizz Group expertly facilitates your journey to study in Australia, ensuring a seamless and successful educational experience.

[deviantartdramahub]

Many people are going to need what I'm about to say, and so with the advent of Autumn coming up (or Spring in the Southern Hemisphere), I wanted to post a PSA because I want to prevent things like what happened to me. I say this as someone who once almost lost everything.

Recently I came upon the member of the site known as Shaztold. Shaztold had a fundraiser set up on her profile, it was a GoFundMe she set up a while ago after her house got almost wholly burnt in a fire. Allegedly. This PSA is to try to instill in you the mindset you will need in order to distinguish between genuine friends in need versus fakers, for the sake of everyone's wallets.

The dialogue I'm about to repeat was verbatim and the points exist in a few parts, so read it very closely.

Me: That's some nice ducks you have there?

Shaztold: Thankies. Hey, do you think you could donate to me? My home got destroyed in a fire and I truly need help. I've been going around trying to see who might donate.

Me: I can see that. I do feel bad. I would give you the shirt off my back.

Shaztold: So you can give money?

Me: Where are you? Your house burnt down, correct? Maybe I may provide.

Shaztold: You could find my house on Google Earth at-- uhh scratch that.

Me: Something wrong?

Shaztold: Just realized I have reasons not to give away myself.

Me: Google Earth though! Nothing will help your cause like pointing to a Google Earth picture of your dead house.

Shaztold: And doxxing isn't an issue?

Me: What are people going to do, send fake pizza deliveries to a burnt house?

Shaztold: I do have a picture. Here. *gives picture of a burnt house*

Me: *puts it on TinEye reverse image search* Wow, your, uh, house is everywhere.

Shaztold: That's just a coincidence. People just like pictures of it for stuff.

Me: Uh huh. If your house is ashes... why not just offer you a place to crash. My place perhaps? I can even cook.

Shaztold: I appreciate the offer, but I don't trust traveling to strangers' houses.

Me: But you expect others to trust giving money to strangers? Isn't it hypocritical?

Shaztold: I'm sure each person can trust giving away a few dollars. I wouldn't trust someone with a hundred but am willing to give out three.

Me: Individuals, yes, but you're asking for two hundred fifty dollars. You're asking A LOT of people to trust doing that small favor for you. That thinking is why those scammy donation places at McDonald's are so successful.

Shaztold: It's not like that though. It's volunteer.

Me: It's always volunteer though. Come to think of it, what does anything look like? You've never shared anything about you. No indoor house pics of even your pets, no selfies, nothing of that sort.

Shaztold: Are you really judging me now for having never posted selfies of myself? Isn't that the kind of thing people use as an excuse to pressure people into giving up their anonymity, like how in threads like at https://www.deviantart.com/forum/devart/general/2707873/ people build it into a measure of self-worth?

Me: Not judging, no. I would never make someone out to be superior like that just because one posted face reveals, in fact I kind of like what Triagonal said at https://www.deviantart.com/triagonal/art/The-Ten-E-Cepts-written-based-on-one-s-experience-899257268 where she mentions there are so many factors going on behind a screen that an account can never be equated to an individual, even one who is known to use an account. However, it's another thing if you're asking people for money and you've never posted a selfie, don't you think? It's the donation equivalent of speed dating.

Shaztold: I don't quite understand how your metaphor is applicable. This isn't even my first time asking for money. You're the first person who has come to me picking this process all apart.

Me: Wait, this isn't even your first time? The person who in our one other exchange has told me to "touch grass"?

Shaztold: Yeah, so?

Me: Such interactions don't mark you as coming off as feeling indebted to the internet for helping you out of a crisis.

Shaztold: Alright, my skeptical "friend". Tell me, how exactly WOULD you vet someone for how honest they might be when asking for donations? For every few honest people in need there are a few dishonest people, and that's always been the way it is, and we honest people have enough of a hard time dealing with being overshadowed by thieves.

Me: There are certain people in every neighborhood that can help with confirming facts. Local law enforcement for one. Local churches for another. Churches already help with the homeless.

Shaztold: Read my lips, I'm not giving out my hometown. It's tiny. You would know me.

Me: What about your general area?

Shaztold: You know they're not going to operate out of town, correct?

Me: But what if you did?

Shaztold: And what if they, I don't know, cannot be reached for something like that? What if I had told you it was a place without phones?

Me: There are also always clues. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

Shaztold: What if there is no pudding?

Me: Then you look for contradictions in someone's story, and ask questions to mine for contradictions. MOST of the time, a skilled person can do that.

Shaztold: What if they don't?

Me: Then you contact the closest thing to someone's network of real life friends and confirm what happened by seeing if their stories all match.

Shaztold: Alright, if that's what you need, I will provide.

So then a week went by and a bunch of people came forward saying they were said network of real life friends. However...

8decora and carolinerchartrand came forward saying they were a part of it all. And then it struck me. 8decora, if I remember correctly, said he was from Iran, and Carolinerrchartrand Australia. Suddenly their profiles said Canada. And anyone else who came forward, if they said they were from Canada, their accounts would say they were days old. So then I went around interviewing each person, seeing if their details added up regarding what their supposed shared place of residence was like. I was able to ask a few gotcha questions and find out they didn't add up. I should note I did this exact thing for someone else's friends once before, and it did add up that one time, and I ended up donating.

Finally, Shaztold came forward again.

Shaztold: Alright, I confess.

Me: That you were wrong?

Shaztold: No, that I don't have any friends. You forgot to factor in how someone would be able to do this if they're an isolated introvert.

Me: All I can say is may the gullible fall victim to the financial Darwinism you set up and may those who are smart and wise prosper. That is, unless you have internet and can use the Where's George program and encourage others to use it and let us all see the fate of the money.

Shaztold: But nobody here has internet.

Me: We're done here.

Also, please help my friend mentioned at https://buzzly.art/~Ofiaradragondemon/blog/hey-an-artist-needs-some-help please. My friend is verifiable, they're just not good at managing money. But they're responsible about their irresponsibilities.

I will keep that in mind. That’s a common concern here that is often addressed.

[cantgetoutofbed2]

This is a diary, so I want to be honest. I didn’t dm This to snyone bc I don’t want to burden them yk? As u may or may not know, I’ve been on vacation to Paris and London. It’s beautiful, but we do have it eat out a shit ton. K made a goal a couple years back to eat in other countries McDonald’s. We did france, and today we did London. But I just arrived in London today, so I ate a ton on the train. In total, it’s come to about 2,000 calories, 500 of which I’m 90% sure there’s no way I burnt off. 600 were consumed during the morning, on the train, (100 for breakfast, 200 on the train, 200 when I got off, 300 in an outing w my family, 200 I added for good measure, 900-1,00 at McDonald’s). God I’m disgusting. I’m huge. I’m actually going to have a breakdown when I get home and weigh myself. I’m so bloated and full and fat. Jesus Christ. What was going through my head I could’ve literally not gotten a burger and I wouldn’t even be that badly over ugh god damn it. God fucking dammit why can’t I just be skinny? Why what’s wrong with me Jesus Christ I’m so ducking fat I’m actually huge and I’m gonna feel so bad everything about me is absolutely disgusting. I want to die. I want to cut off my fat. I want to go into surgery to fix me Jesus Christ what is wrong with me how can I even manage to be around all these Parisian skinny women and not make a change Jesus Christ. I can’t wait to get home and starve like genuinely. Omg.

[wishitweresummer]

Okie here’s this is it was in my AU where George is the most ticklish person in the world <33

Dream and Sapnap lived together for a bit before George comes around. Whenever one of them is a little down they pin the other down and tickle soooo softly while whispering sweet little praises in each others ears.

When George comes around it is more effective, getting to use each other’s bodies to trap the arms open. The first time is with Sapnap. He’s pinned between them and a giggly blushy mess as George and Dream murmur about how good of a friend he is and how handsome and talented he is.

Next is Dream. Skittery fingertips along his sides and hushed whispers about how cute he is and how kind and generous.

George skirts his way out of the flustering situation for a little bit. Not a lot gets to him. But, we all have our bad days.

Eventually, he has a bad one. It’s like, a lot of small things. Patches wouldn’t let him hold her. Then McDonald’s was out of the cookies he liked, but instead of alerting him the Doordasher just brought him fries instead. He was too frustrated to ask for help baking and burnt cookies in an attempt to cure his sweet tooth.

He heard the lock click in the living room and got a little burst of energy; Sapnap was home!!!

“Wow, what the hell did you burn George?”.

The storm clouds rolled in. He let out a frustrated huff and shoved by Sapnap to go into the living room alone.

“Shut up!”, he snapped.

Sapnap found Dream and they hovered around for a bit. Frustration was rolling off George in waves.

“Maybe we can cheer him up?”, Dream said softly to Sapnap, making grabby hands in the air. Sapnap grinned.

That will work! They can get George’s cheeks rosy and the living room filled with sweet little giggles in no time!!

They flanked him, cuddling into each side of him. George put his arms around them with a little huff of aggravation.

“I’m not in a good mood.”, he muttered, sinking into the cuddles anyway. Dream and Sapnap scooted in, locking the oblivious boy’s arms into place.

“We can help!”.

Sapnap nudged his nose against George’s jaw and Dream shoved his face straight into his neck, nuzzling in. George burst into squeaky giggles.

“Hey!”.

“George…you can ask for help.”, Sapnap whispered into his ear and spidered his hand down his side. George squealed loudly. “Whoa!”.

“Don’t tickle me!”, he giggled hysterically.

“Sapnap you have to be gentle.”, Dream squeezed softly at George’s other side, drawing squeaky laughter from the boy.

“Noho!! Stahaap!!!”, he cried, kicking his legs out and jumping in place.

“God, he’s so ticklish!!”.

“Gogy, we are barely touching you!”.

They experimented with little finger flutters and soft pokes and squeezes. Everything drove the poor thing straight up a wall. When they tried whispering little praises, he would shift away and beg for mercy.

The softest little touch against his tummy and sides had him snorting and squirming helplessly.

The gentlest whisper at his ears made him almost cry with laughter.

While it wasn’t exactly what they were going for, it did distract George from his bad mood.

Tickled silly, he was too flustered to be mad anymore.

Something nice I’ve been thinking about is George, Dream and Sapnap huddled together in a big cuddle pile. If someone’s had a rough day, or someone isn’t feeling great, or if they’re all just sleepy and playful, they like to shower them in nice praises and gentle tickles. I like to imagine them situating the target in the middle of the three - the two lers laying back on one of the lees arms to assure they won’t squirm away.

Picture this:

George is feeling a little down lately. He hasn’t had the energy or motivation to edit his videos - which is totally normal, but for whatever reason he’s feeling really torn up about it.

Dream and Sapnap would gather him up under soft blankets, taking an arm each and leaning back on them, beginning to gentle trace delicate touches up and down his sides and ribs. George would immediately turn pink, blushing and biting on his bottom lip as he squirmed a bit from side to side, watching the two hands trail up and down his torso. A snicker or two would slip out, prompting Sapnap and Dream to press in with a little more pressure, increasing the speed a bit as well to make sure George is producing a steady stream of squeaks and giggles.

This is where they would begin to praise him - they both know how embarrassed he gets when he’s truly told how wonderful he is, so they decide to remind him until his face is hot to the touch. Dream reminds him of how hard George works, how many great ideas he’s come up with and how many incredible videos he has planned. He tweaks at George’s bottom ribs, making him yelp through his protests for Dream to “shut up, idiot”.

Sapnap reminds him that he’s only human, he doesn’t have to have the energy to do everything all at once all the time. They both let him know that he’s allowed to take his time - the fans aren’t going anywhere, and George will do it when he’s ready. George whines when Sapnap trails a finger a little too close to his armpit, squirming a bit harder to allow his arm to cover as much of it as he can.

Eventually George is too flustered and embarrassed to protest anymore, so he chooses to lay his head back against the pillows with his eyes closed, allowing himself to finally relax into the gentle tickles and praises from his favorite people. And they stay like that, basking in George’s bright giggles and “complaints” as they tickle him and let him know how loved he is.

[jackexmachina]

spn + text posts

image description: clips from “Sin City,” “After School Special,” “The Rapture,” “The Great Escapist,” “About A Boy,” “Our Little World,” “Lost and Found,” “Various & Sundry Villains,” “Unfinished Business,” and “Proverbs 17:3” paired with tumblr text posts

13x01: Jack is across from Sam in the holding cell of a police station, and he moves to sit cross-legged on a bench. His brow is furrowed and he looks concerned, then he looks up at Sam saying, “Will you tell them that I’m sorry?” text post from jame7t reads [sorry for being lovable and cute & sweet. AND adorable.]

15x05: Sam picks up his cell phone from a table in the bunker, it shows several unanswered texts to Cass which read “Hey Cass checking in.” “How are you doing? Everything ok?” “Cass call me we need to talk.” “Didn’t realize you were taking off.” “Service sucks in the bunker, want to make sure you’re getting these?” “Call me when you can.” “Want to make sure you’re ok?” text post from papayajuan2019 reads [people who dont double text are in such mental prisons. i will text seven times if it requires it]

13x12: Dean stands in front of Sam in the bunker, he makes a sweeping motion with his hand saying, “It is gorgeous outside.” Sam puts a hand on his shoulder, telling him to stop as he turns away, but then Dean punches him and knocks him out. Dean winces as he watches Sam fall to the floor. text post from fungalfaggot reads [oh you’re touch starved? here eat up *fucking punches you*]

4x13: young!Sam in a flashback turns in his chair to glare at a school bully, saying, “Yeah, sure.” text post from evilvillain123456789 reads [fifth grader’s report card with straight As and at the bottom the teacher wrote “extremely violent and dangerous young man”]

11x06: Several moving close-up shots of Castiel standing at the door leading outside the bunker, he is suffering from PTSD flashbacks. He looks haggard and disoriented. text post from elytrians reads [“you look tired” well the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease]

4x20: Sam moves away from a demon and the lower half of his face is covered with demon blood, his teeth are bared and his eyes look animalistic. He turns around to stand up and sees Dean and Castiel in Claire’s vessel watching him, disturbed. His face falls, caught. text post from dogmotif reads [haha hey i love the blood dripping from your face and the animal rage in your eyes whats your pronouns]

13x20: Gabriel watches Sam, calculating, but then he turns to look at Dean. Dean rolls his eyes, shrugging in acquiescence. text post from annabelle--cane reads [it’s rotten work. especially to me especially if it’s you. I’ll fucking do it but christ alive.]

8x21: Sam stands in front of Dean in a hallway, slightly delirious and telling Dean about a memory from when he was very young. He says he was thinking, “I could never go on a quest like that.” He is almost smiling as he finishes speaking. text post from soulmvtes reads [trying to outgrow the deep shame and embarrassment woven into my existence wbu]

10x12: age-regressed Dean stands in front of Sam outside a witch’s lair, saying, “First time you ever had to say that, huh?” and grinning. Sam glares at him, bending down a little to respond, “Big talk coming from the dude wearing underoos.” text post from monelyslave-noscopekween600thou reads [I’m at the doctor office and this baby keeps yelling “I want donow” (mcdonalds) and the big brother (I assume) said “all the mcdonalds burnt down, there’s no more mcdonalds”]

3x04: Sam stands at the door to an office he’s just broken into, telling them, “Have a nice day?” He tries to smile but then quickly leaves, cringing painfully as he walks away. text post from kristina100000 reads [we should all be 6′5 with 250lbs of muscle mass with a heart of a darling]