#everything seems scary and alone when i live on my own but. we're doing better than before. this is better for us and we'll manage!!

[radio-sepia]

god's bravest bravest boy managed to go out to the town alone and run his errands 🫡🫡

[beatingdrumspouringwine]

Words from the Gods 2 - Dreams

I was kind of waffling for a bit over whether or not to start this series with the Signs of the Gods or Dreams of the Gods, and finally decided on dreams, because those are kind of unavoidable, and happen when you're at your most vulnerable - being asleep.

One of the biggest problems I see online is that there is a lot of significance placed on dreams, sometimes too much. Because sleep is such a vulnerable time (and because our subconscious can cook up some weird shit while we're sleeping), dreams can sometimes feel like they have meaning, and then freak us out because it was scary, or because the meaning isn't discernible (and what if it's important?). But the thing is, even though the ancient Greeks did still place some level of importance on dreams, we shouldn't be hyperanalyzing every dream that comes through our minds on a nightly basis. I've had some weird dreams in my life, and generally if a dream is coming from the Gods, there are some major differences.

To start, I'm going to lay out a dream that I had which was sent from Dionysos (figured through discerning and some light divination), and explain the full process of figuring out what it meant:

In this dream, I was in the middle of a forest of oak and pine, similar to the forests that exist where I live. There were a bunch of people around me, incredibly happy, and I just knew that they were there to worship Dionysos, as I was there to do as well. I remembered passing by a young oak tree that had monarch cocoons painted on its leaves, and then going into a house, where everyone was sharing a meal, pouring libations at a shrine to Dionysos, and reading from a book. One of the women took me over to the book, where there was one word written on the page that I could see: "alcohol", and said something to the effect of "this is not the only side of the God". After that, I woke up.

The first thing that distinguished this as an Important Dream as opposed to an Unimportant Dream was that I could still remember the whole "plot" of the dream after waking up, and as is shown here, even to this day (I had this dream in August or September of last year, right around the time I started this account). I'm not sure how rare this is, but I never remember my dreams, and it seems like a lot of my friends also don't remember their dreams, so I'm going to guess that remembering dreams regularly is a lot less common than just forgetting them upon waking. Of all the dreams that I have had, only the important ones have actually stuck in my head.

The second thing which helped me discern this dream as being Important was the combination of easily understandable symbolism, and direct application to my life at the time. At the time I had that dream, I was in fact turning to alcohol as the primary way through which I communicated with and worshiped Dionysos. I hadn't quite grasped that it was a problem until the dream, however, and afterwards started to work on moving away from drinking as my only way of worshiping Dionysos. Obviously I still did and still do drink occasionally, but not as much, nor as worryingly. I also started drinking with other people, instead of on my own. From that also came my inspiration to start this account, as I realized that worship was better done in community as opposed to sitting alone, keeping everything to myself.

The third thing which helped me discern The Dream was my own workings through prayer and divination, basically going straight to the one that I thought was the source, and asking Him myself what it might mean. And honestly, I would make "prayer and divination" the first thing to do if you have a dream which feels like it may be divinely inspired. If you have questions, the Gods will answer - They're not trying to make our lives insanely difficult, and They know that we are mortals trying our best.

So that's my essay on the meanings of dreams. I've only had two dreams that were sent from Dionysos, so this is drawing off of limited experience, but even with the limited experience, I think it's still good that people hear about those personal experiences, and how to go about with discerning these things. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask me! My inbox and DMs are always open for questions if you have any, and I'm always more than happy to answer questions and talk about literally anything!

The next segment I'm going to work on will be about signs, and how to figure out whether or not what you see is simply some weird mundane stuff, or something divinely sent.

[minkshame]

I did want to reshare the SPARE CHANGES PLAYLIST complete with tracklist and key lyrics... under the cut

SECTION 1 (TORD):

Half a World Away (R.E.M.) - My hand's tired, my heart aches / I'm half a world away

Leaving New York (R.E.M.) - You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)

Dirty Imbecile (The Happy Fits) - When my heart starts beating, lungs stop breathing / All my fibers say to run away

Don't be Seen with Me (Oppenheimer Analysis) - I kept things under strict control / Resisted all diversion

How to Disappear Completely (Radiohead) - That there, that's not me

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beatles) - I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say / Hey, you've got to hide your love away

Heart in a Cage (The Strokes) - See I'm stuck in a city, but I belong in a field

Back to the Old House (The Smiths) - Cause I never even told you / Oh and I meant to

Promise (Laufey) - And I should get a cigarette / For how much restraint

No Time to Explain (Good Kid) - It's been a while I've been out on my own / I'm in denial about living life alone

SECTION 2 (EDD):

I Guess He'd Rather be in Colorado (John Denver) - I guess he'd rather work / Out where the only thing you earn is what you spend

Give you My Lovin (Mazzy Star) - Cause you see, rain reminds me of you / And everything has turned to you

Hopelessly Devoted to You (Olivia Newton-John) - I know I'm just a fool who's willing / To sit around and wait for you

I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You (Charlie Burg) - And I can hear so clearly all the words I wish I'd said / You're stuck in my head

Mamma Mia (Austin Weber) - Yeah, I've been brokenhearted / Blue since the day we parted / Why why did I ever let you go?

Livin' With a Heartache (The Beach Boys) - I'm no good alone, you know-a everyone sees / That you left me alone with nothin' but a heartache

Oh Love (Delaney Bailey) - And I don't want to turn back time anymore / But I do miss when I thought that I was loved

Duvet (bôa) - But you know that it means so much / And you don't even feel a thing

I want you (Mitski) - We're starting over / And I love you darling

SECTION 3 (GENERAL):

The Less I Know The Better (Tame Impala) - I was doing fine without ya / til I saw your eyes turn away from mine

Pork Soda (Glass Animals) - Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? / How come I see you and ache instead?

Spare Hearts (Exit Mouse) - I know you’re afraid / Of making a big mistake / But you’re just what I need / Spare me the fear

Les maudits mots d'amour (Le rouge et le Noir) - Mais dans l'ivresse de tes bras / Tout le reste vole en éclat, / Vole en éclat.

SECTION 4 (LOW POINT):

If I can't be yours (Loren & Mash) - I realize / We're not the same / And it's making me sad / Cause we can't fulfill our dreams in this life

Memento Mori (Red Vox) - Could it be, the presence of memory / Is all we are, all we'll ever be?

I Know It’s Over (The Smiths) - And it never really began / But in my heart it was so real

Sparks (Coldplay) - My Heart is yours / It's you that I hold on to

Turtles All The Way Down (Sammy Copley)- And I’m aware / That it’s not fair / To bring you here then send you on your way / You had so much to say / And to ask

Door (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME) - If I'm out of line / Just show me the door / I promise you I / Won't come here no more

SECTION 5 (HAPPY ENDING):

Scary Love (The Neighborhood) - No one has ever cared for me / as much a you do

It's Been a Long Long Time (Harry James) - You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you / Or how empty they all seemed without you

Those Eyes (New West) - I close my eyes and all I see is you / And the small things you do

Heart to Heart (Mac Demarco) - To all the days we were together / To all the time we played apart / In each other's lives

Another Believer (Rufus Wainwright) - And give me just one more chance, one more glance

Home (Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros) - Man oh man you're my best friend / I scream it to the nothingness

Genesis (Jourma Kaukonen) - And there I found myself with you / When breathing felt like something new, new / Along with you

[love420eva]

hi <3 i saw your posts from yesterday and i really hope I'm not grossly overstepping by saying something but- growing up is so scary, and there's so much pressure on young people, especially with all those milestones we are expected to hit around 25. it's destructive and horrible for a lot of us 20-somethings and I'm sorry that it's been so awful for you!! it can be profoundly lonely and alienating to feel "left behind", and i guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone in feeling like this.

but having said that, 25/26 is still so young!! please don't feel like you have to do it all at once, or like your life is crashing and burning if you can't "keep up".

idk it always helps me a bit to remind myself that the big milestones are just approximations, and that they're all made up anyway. i hope this little reminder can help you too <3 please don't stress so much and please don't judge yourself so harshly. you will be alright, whether that's at 26, 27, or 28!!

have a hug (if you want!) and i wish you all the best!!

oh wow i definitely wasn't expecting anyone to read my posts let alone respond to them so this is a nice surprise haha

yeah i'm with you on everything you said! we get so many milestones we're supposed to reach in our 20s and it's seen as the period of your life where you have to get everything together whereas, in my opinion, that's exactly the period where you start figuring things out and bracing yourself for what's to come next. you're not supposed to have everything sorted in your 20s.

i try to hold on to that thought but (objectively speaking) i'm behind everyone else; it took me 5 years instead of 3 to get my first vachelor's, i then spent 2 years doing nothing before going back to school to get another one. i'm nearly 26 years old and i have yet to achieve financial independence — not to mention my lack of life experiences overall haha.

that said, i completely agree that everything's made up and to each their own pace, anyway!! i just get caught up by that reality sometimes and it gets hard to hold on to these things when i feel like that. but i — and all the people who are struggling — have valid reasons for that and it's just something we need to accept and live with, even if it might seem unfair.

anyways, i really appreciate you taking the time to send me this message!! i feel better now and i'm trying to catch up rather than worry about "lost time" or whatever haha. thanks a lot for reaching out to me and i want you to know that if you ever feel the need to talk about this, even if it's just to vent, you can come to me!! <3

[lunanheartache]

crossy & nowhere dynamics. they are brothers

growing up crossy was usually considered the firstborn / older of the two but he was also the more sickly & whiny, so he occupied a weird space as older brother but Protectee not Protector. nowhere obviously gets the inverse, as younger but also the protector. so cross ends up as the primary and easier target and his abuse reflects that (does nothing and is Punished), and nowhere gets placed as more aggressive / defiant so his abuse ends up reflecting that (does something and is Punished), which solidifies both of them into these mismatched roles. cross passive, nowhere aggressive. they both chafe under this. cross wants to protect his brother but can't make himself Do Something, so he is an emotional carer. nowhere wants to protect his brother and Needs to do something, so he will act out to do so

-> built off of that is the sisters, subconsciously or not, pitting them against each other. cross isn't as faithful and dutiful as nowhere. nowhere isnt as obedient and docile as cross. both of them think of the other as the "better" brother, but instead of getting jealous and knocking them down, they want Desperately to save each other. that's where their issues come in

in lot, they now have to deal with the issues in the outside world. sometimes the convent seems like it was better. reconciling the things they need to do to survive with their faith is challenging. cross really struggles; he takes pretty quickly to inventing personas for himself and playing roles so he can cope with it, but he really has difficulty reassuring himself that even if he has to do something bad, it's important to be alive. how he gets around it mentally is he's doing it to help Nowhere, and if he helps Nowhere, who is Better than him, Nowhere will be Good and so he'll be Saved. nowhere, unsurprisingly, comes to the same conclusion (just about cross). nowhere, however, doesn't have the same internal struggle over it. he rationalizes it quickly and that means even he hates what he's doing, it doesn't matter because it's for his brother. he killed the sisters (who were lying, which is bad) to save him, this is nothing.

-> neither of them can admit this to the other. it's too scary to admit out loud that you're Doing Bad Things so the other will be Saved. eventually leads to their fracturing, because when cross finally does brave telling nowhere about his doubts (it's been years and we're not changing and i don't know if i believe in lot?) this breaks their Whole Thing. nowhere has been doing all this shit For cross, and now cross is saying he doesnt think he can be saved? what the fuck? what have i been doing? is this why it didnt work? you did this. you made this not work. you made me do this

-> it bad

-> cross internalizes this because he cant not. everything before was his fault. anything was. he didnt even have to Do anything - he was just bad, and that was bad, and he would make things worse. so of course he made nowhere worse even if he tried to help. nowhere breaks for a while (kind of goes wild and lives in the woods for months) and really hits mental rock bottom. cross travels trying to find nowhere because he has to apologize and nowhere has to come back because theyve never been alone before and this is awful and please i just need my brother back.

after they reconcile and settle down in cahors, dealing with the remnants of these issues. nowhere has resolved his religious delusions after they exploded real bad, but he still struggles verbalizing this to cross. he knows he was incredibly cruel to his brother. cross thinks it was wholly justified but feels like shit about it still. he is not easily convinced by nowhere's new realizations (we are not going to be Saved because they all lied, but we were still made Like This. we can try to do good but it is okay if we're not Saved because lot designed us this way). it takes them a while to figure out how to communicate. cross learns to have his own agency and nowhere learns to like. relax lol. once they get on the same page, they feel much more settled. they still struggle with a lot of guilt. cross accepts emotional support from nowhere. nowhere learns to give emotional support and not just lash out at the issue. theyre both very critical people in each others lives and live together for the rest of them. cannot see them separating

[ren-c-leyn]

Happy STS! How would your OCs describe each other? Have a nice weekend x @catharticallysarcastic

And a happy sts to you as well ^^

I have a ton of projects and even more OCs, so I'll just answer for the Forgotten Gods trio. It got a little bit away from me, so I'm going to put it under a read more.

Silver -

Kitan is... energetic, to say the least. Always rushing, bouncing, hugging, and so on. He's loud, particularly for a beast-kin. Thyme hears him coming long before he reaches the stairs. It's hard to find him threatening. He tries far too hard, if you ask me, particularly for someone so soft. I'm not sure why. If he's trying to please people or escape himself. Maybe there isn't a reason for how he flings himself into action at the slightest suggestion. It's sad, in it's own way, and yet his enthusiasm is uplifting. Like a small patch of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Reuven.... That's a hard man, elf, to get a read on. He's polite enough, but doesn't give much away. He also has this way of catching you off guard. Not just in that he moves quiet enough that he can sneak up on just about anyone the Gods put on this planet, but also in a more... emotional way. Doesn't say much, and yet somehow it's just enough to get your guard down. He never pries, but I find he often doesn't have to to get more out of people than what they meant to say. It's intimidating, the way his stare feels like he's tearing out your darkest secrets, one by one. Yet, I've never found judgement in it. Even at my coldest, even at my most awkward, he does not judge me. There's something oddly comforting in that.

Kitan -

If I'm being honest, Silver really does look like a servant of a God of death. I mean, if she showed up in my hometown and walked past the temple, all of the priests would have rushed after her, begging for mercy or blessings! But she's nothing that scary, I promise. Just a really tired human trying her best to survive in the forest. Did you know she can cook? It's really good too. Even though I literally crashed into her door, she gave me lunch and made sure I was okay. Even introduced me to Reuven and agreed to come hunting with us, because I was too scared of him to go alone.... I wish I was as brave as her. And even half as skilled and talented as she is. She writes really nicely, can sew, weave, maintain a garden, do math fairly quickly in her head, make medicines, and fight. She's a new champion and she's already so strong, even though her God is weak. Silver's really cool. Like, everything I thought I'd be when I became a champion.

Reuven's kind of scary, if you don't know him. I mean, he's way taller than a lot of people, Silver and I almost look like kids next to him; wears that cloak and armor made of monster parts, and is armed to the teeth, rides around on a scary giant wolf, but he's really nice. He's kind of what I imagined adventurers to be like based on the stories. Tough, brave, really fast, and he doesn't hesitate to jump into danger if someone else is in trouble. He knows a lot about monsters and animals and forests in general. I think Silver knows him better, but I still like to think we're friends too. He doesn't talk a lot, but if you even need to vent or work through a problem, he'll sit with you and listen. Seems very curious about people and their lives and how they think. I hope that one day I'll be as good at this adventuring stuff as he is, though I'm not sure if I ever will.

Reuven -

I don't claim to know much about her, she's a rather private person, but Silver seems to be a very hurt woman to me. There's always hesitation when she starts interacting with people. Sometimes even when she's dealing with Kitan and I, you can still see a flicker of it: the distrust and the fear. She's not entirely honest, least of all with herself, but becomes a little more so over her strange herbal teas. Something about sharing food and drink seems to make her feel more safe, as does her cat, Thyme. Everyone seems to focus on the death-like features and the outward calm, and it scares them. It scares them to see a woman whose so unattached to the world around her, but there's more to her that they don't see. She says she's selfish, that her very best skill is saving her own skin, and she repeats those phrases like a prayer, but I believe that's a ruse she uses to try and bury her own feelings. She will, certainly, look after her own affairs first, but when push comes to shove, she's never abandoned us. Even when it would have been in her best interest. She's got a soft spot in her heart, whether she likes it or not, and it's still bleeding from wounds I can only imagine.

It took a little bit for Kitan to warm up to me. I scared him when I saved him from the monster. Apparently he believed I was a bandit after him. Silver finds it terribly amusing, though I still feel a bit bad. Having her around seems to have smoothed over the misunderstanding, though, and as he got used to me he started opening up. Unlike Silver, he's very talkative, loves to chat about anything and everything, except his past. He's earnest and loves to help people, whether it be with his healing magic or just running simple errands in the village for Balfric and Silver. He seeks the path of the adventure, though is poorly prepared for it. Yet, there's a sort of steel behind the fluff and sunny disposition. A determination I seldom see among those who fancy my path. I believe he can do it, if only someone shows him the proper way and some belief in him.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you have a lovely day/evening. ^^

[nothing-but-dreamy]

COMRADES

Pairing: FFXV!NYX ULRIC x MALE!READER

Words: 1.567

Warnings: cursing

@furtato5ever Thanks for your request! I had fun to write it and I hope you will like it

Synopsis: Sometimes, things get messy and go wrong and in these times, it's good to have a friendly supporter by the side

Exhausted, Nyx sat down on a bench in front of his locker, raking his fingers through his hair to loosen the strands and to get the sand and dust out of them. With closed eyes, he enjoyed the silence around him. The first time in hours there was no noise. It was just quiet and peaceful. Nyx was just sitting there for a few more minutes as he heard something soft coming from some distance. The sound was low, even muffled but Nyx recognized it as crying.

Frowning, Nyx stood up and was about to follow the sound as Luche stormed into the locker room, furious with a raging expression and gritted teeth, "Damn it!", he called out and punched into the nearest locker that the metal was screeching nasty.

"What's the matter?", Nyx asked, looking warily at his friend who was usually calm and composed.

"What's the matter?", Luche hissed, mimicking the question while narrowing his eyes on Nyx who flinched back by surprise about the hate-filled eyes.

"Four Glaives are injured and in hospital! Four! Drautos yells and screams how messed up things were just because this idiot is too clumsy for his own good! I tell you what, just to have the ability to use the King’s magic shouldn’t be enough to join the Kingsglaive. He’s the best example!"

"Who do you mean?", Nyx asked and regretted it immediately as he saw Luche's gleaming eyes.

"Who I mean? The newbie, for fuck saken! I tell you, this guy will be our end! He can't do the easiest things. During the last training? He almost killed his partner as his blade slipped through his hand in the middle of a warp!”, Luche screamed and threw his hands frustrated in the air before he turned back to Nyx, “Oh! Or during the training with the fire magic? He almost burned down the whole Kingsglaive headquarters! On the battlefield earlier? He should secure the left wing but no! The idiot was hiding behind a wall like a coward just watching how the Behemoth ran through the line which is the reason why four of us are in the damn hospital now.", Luche called out and as he was done, he was panting for air. Without saying another word or waiting for Nyx to respond, he grabbed his things and left the locker room to get off some steam somewhere else.

As Luche was gone, the silence seemed to be even louder than before and through it, the muffled sound of new cries caught Nyx' attention again.

Slowly, Nyx followed the sound through the room to the last row of abandoned lockers, walking around them to find the source of the soft cries in a corner: Yn, the newbie.

Yn sat on the ground, leaning against the old, used metal of spare lockers. His head hung low between his shoulders. He was still dressed in his dusty battle uniform, just the hood laid loosely around his neck and the gloves in his lap. All in all, the sight of him screamed for misery.

Without a word, Nyx walked over to his comrade, kneeling down to sit next to him, leaning against the same locker as Yn.

Yn noticed the other Glaive but he didn't dare to look up at him. Yn felt ashamed. He blamed himself for everything Luche had said earlier. He was the reason why others were injured. The mission had almost failed because he was a coward. With a bit of force that the door of the locker clacked, Yn leant his head back, staring at the ceiling, "I don't think I can do that. No! I’m sure I shouldn’t do this.", he whispered.

"It wasn't just your fault.", Nyx said calmly, remembering how messy things had been on the battlefield.

Yn released his breath, "You heard Luche. It was my fault.", he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut but couldn't stop new tears from falling down. Now, he even felt ashamed of crying in front of the famous Nyx Ulric.

Nyx watched Yn. He had been in his position before as well. Doubting himself. Asking what he was doing with the Glaives. All Glaives felt like this from time to time. That was just naturally and came with the job they were doing. But to let these thoughts sink too deep into their minds could end deadly, "Well, you're new-"

"Yeah, I’m the new one and I messed up! Again.", Yn hissed, angry about himself.

"Yes, you did.", Nyx said honestly, shrugging with his shoulders, "But we all did before. No matter what plans the Captain or Luche have...on the battlefield, things are different. Things get out of control."

Slowly, Yn turned his head to look at the man next to him who got called ‘hero’. He had heard so many incredible stories about Nyx that Yn saw him more as an idol than just as a soldier, "Yeah… right. I'm sure you also did things wrong, huh?", he scoffed, unamused.

Nyx chuckled low, "Oh, trust me, I did. By the sight of my first Behemoth? I was rooted to the spot in the middle of the field. I couldn't move, at all. I mean, these demons are scary as hell. Niflheim uses them to intimidate us and guess what? It works pretty well the first few times.”, Nyx said and remembered his first fights behind the wall all these years ago.

“And then? What happened? Were you also ‘hiding behind a wall like a coward’?”, Yn asked, quoting Luche’s words.

“Oh, no. No. I wasn’t hiding. Like I said, I was rooted to the spot. Libertus had to push me out of the way or otherwise I wouldn’t sit here with you right now. I was so scared. I expected to die there. I mean, have you seen these things? They’re big, mean, vicious monsters. with their huge teeth and horns.”, Nyx explained with a grin.

“Hell, tell me about it…”, Yn breathed, agreeing with Nyx while remembering how the big paws of the Behemoth were drumming mercilessly on the ground and the claws were burying into the sand just inches from the spot where he was crouching.

“It’s okay to be scared. We’re not machines like Magiteks. We feel things when we’re fighting. We’re humans after all. Yes, some of us got injured but they’re still alive and they will make it. I know the guys, they’re tough. And if you ask me, I’m still convinced that it was the wrong decision to send you to secure a line without backup. No one expects you to know everything just yet. Wielding blades and using magic is one thing. Learning to live with fear is something else, something that needs some time and practice.”, Nyx said reassuringly and nudged Yn’s shoulder with his own.

The mission order had been a stupid decision in the first place but then, Nyx remembered how he got tested by the Captain in almost the same way. Maybe it was just one of these cruel ideas to see if the new one was cut from the same cloth as the Captain himself...

“I should quit. I will mess things up again and again. It’s just a matter of time until someone dies because of me. I couldn’t forgive myself.”, Yn said low, casting his eyes to the ground.

Nyx watched the young guy. He had seen a fire in Yn’s eyes that told Nyx that he wanted to fight against Niflheim. Yn had his own reasons to fight against Insomnia’s enemies and now, he just had to learn to use these reasons as his drive. Nyx nodded slowly, “You could quit but as I see it you don’t want to. You wanna fight. You wanna kick asses. You just have to get better with your skills.”

“Yeah, and how? The last time I tried to train, I almost blew up this place.”, Yn said crestfallen, fumbling with the gloves in his hands.

“Then, we train together. I will show you a few tricks. You know, Libertus sucked at using lightning magic. One time, he even knocked out himself. I’m not even sure what he tried in the first place and then, he laid shocked on the ground. I swear, I even saw small clouds of smoke evaporating from his ears.”, Nyx said grinning and was pleased to hear Yn chuckle, “And now, Libertus used these powers regularly without hurting himself. Just one tip, if he uses magic? Keep some distance. Just in case.”, Nyx said with a wink.

Yn laughed and wiped the tears from his eyes. He still felt miserable for failing the mission and his comrades. He was sure, the Captain and Luche were disappointed and Yn expected to get a speech about it...or even some impositions. But Nyx’ words had been reassuring. Now, he felt less alone with the fear he had felt before, “Thanks. This talk was … I guess I needed that.”, Yn said, feeling better than before.

Nyx stood up, offering his hand to his comrade who took it and stood up as well. With a grin, Nyx looked at Yn, “You’re welcome. We're Glaives. We fight together. We fall together. And, most importantly, we drink together. Come on, the first drink is on me.", Nyx said and just like that, Yn had found his first new, real friend and supporter.

[scarecoen]

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[t4a2t4s2u5y6a4]

Your MLDD boys life in AU with medieval setting. Let's enjoy~

#MrLoveDreamDate #fanfic #MidYearContest #AU

Why Is Everyone So Noisy?

Knock knock.

"My Lady, are you awake yet?"

What? It's already morning? Sigh. I should stop reading romance novel until midnight.

"My Lady, may I come?"

"Yes. I'm awake."

Ah. My eyes hurt. Did I overslept while reading book? No wonder my body is chilly since I'm not using my blanket properly.

"Oh my, are you reading until midnight again?"

"Shhh! Anna, keep your voice down. If dad found out he will yell at me again."

"You know that Duke is someone like that but you still dare to provoke him. I don't know if you're just a brave lady or simply an air headed."

I know that my dad is a scary person among nobility. Even The Royals don't dare to mess up with him. But still, live as a caged young lady like this isn't my style at all.

"My Lady, what time you sleep last night?"

"I don't really remember. What's wrong?"

"Not only your eyes are red, but your eyes also swollen. Your face looks so pale too"

"WHAAAAT?"

Drap drap.

No no no. Don't tell me...

Crap! Who is this horrible girl in the mirror? Is this really me? This is bad. If my dad found out he will start lecture me for hours!

"Aaaaaa. Anna, what should I do?"

"First you should wash your face. I will come back with cold water and towel. Also I will bring some camomile tea and breakfast."

"Anna, you're my angel!"

***

After wash my face and relax my body, now my face looks more like a human. What a beautiful life I have here.

Or not.

Braaaaakkkkk!!!

"MY LADY!! WE'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!!"

"Kiki, how can you act like that in front of your mistress? And don't be so harsh with the door."

"It's not the time to chit chat. Anna, you should dress up My Lady now. The Royals will come to our mansion!"

Give me some rest QwQ.

***

Just one line and everything start in hurry. Our mansion become so bussy since this morning because everyone rushed every preparation. In other room, Anna and Willow dolled me from head to toe. Just why The Royals come today.

"Willow, you're serving my dad this morning right? Aren't he supposed in the mine field now? Why The Royals suddenly come?"

"Sigh. That's something I want to know too. Our butler, Mr. Milles receive a letter from capital and told us that The Royals will come to have lunch with you and then like what you can see. Everyone is bussy like bees now."

"Me? Not my dad?"

"Yes. The letter said The Royals want to have lunch with you."

Did The Royals forgot what happened the last time they come without my dad knowledge? Are they bored enough and don't value their life to come here?

***

Time sure flies so fast. Just a while ago I wake up and now I should stand in front of my mansion door to greet our estimate guest.

Klotak klotak.

Oh, here they are. A dazzling carriage with royal knights in the left and right. Can they come more quietly? Why they always bring so many people here. 50 knights are too much.

Clack. Sound of carriage door open.

"Ah, Miss Chips~ Long time no see~"

A guy with blonde hair and blue eyes run over me with his warm smile. He open his arms wide like want to catch something.

"Kiro, stop that. Mind your behaviour in front of everyone."

"Then I can do it later in the private room?"

"That's not what I mean."

Another guy with brown hair and eyes grabbed blonde guy's collar while his another hand is in his waist.

"Thank you for visiting our mansion, your highnesses, Prince Gavin and Prince Kiro. It's been a while since the last time we meet."

"Ah..um. Yeah."

"What is that, Gavin? Why your face become red so suddenly?"

"Cough. It's the weather. We are on carriage for so long and it's so hot outside."

Someone from behind Gavin's back appeared and grab his shoulder.

"Well well. It can't be helped since our beloved Prince Gavin is so shy. Hoho~"

"Why are you also here Minor?"

"You won't stay for a hour if I'm not come along, your highness. Please let me help you. (whisper) Don't forget that I'm your cupid."

"Wha-?? Ehem. It seem you lack of works recently. I will give you more when we come back."

"Noooooo. Please spare me your highness!"

I'm so tired waiting for them in front of the door and when they will come in? My legs become numb since a long time ago. Can they continue their conversation when they're already in?

***

Now we are on the guest room and enjoy some tea with snacks. Ah, finally I can breath.

"Now now, Miss Chips. When will you spare your time for me? Since it's almost fall season I think scenery near the lake will be beautiful. How about we have a date there?"

Let me introduce them. He is the second prince, Kiro. He is so bright. Not only his face but also his personality. He is very populer among commoner as The Light of Loveland Kingdom.

"You will be a dead meat when you step out your feet with My Lady, don't you know?"

This serious face man is the first prince and Loveland Kingdom's crown prince, Gavin. He is a sword master and rumored as a cruel person. But actually he is kind and shy. People was misunderstood him because of his action and expression.

"You mean in the Duke hand or in your hand, your highness?"

"You're not allowed to talk here. If you need some friends to talk you can talk with the maids over there."

"How mean of you, your highness~"

And the last is Gavin attendant and his right hand man. Minor. I heard they are childhood friend. No wonder they are so close.

"So Miss Chips. How about my propose (date propose)?"

"Well, I should think about that again. I..."

BRAAAAKKK!!

Ah. It's a nightmare. Devil just come to this room. I can tell it from the sound of the door. RIP the door. May God bless you.

"Propose? I never hear a funny joke like this in my entire life."

Yes. That's my dad. The hellish duke. At your service.

"Ah, Duke Victor. It's not like what you think."

"Ho. You know what am I thinking? Let me hear then."

Minor, I apreciate your loyalty to your master but you should stop it right here. I don't want to see any bloodshet in front of my eyes.

"Don't be so furious, father in law. You make them scared."

This voice. Don't tell me.

"Who is your father in law?"

"Lucien? You're also here?"

"Yes, My Lady. How can I miss an interesting event like this, right?"

"Don't! Ignore! Me!"

Duke Victor is my dad. He is called as 'Hellish Duke from The North' by people in capital. Just one word from him and everyone will silent. But I think that not work sometime.

"Duke, your face have more wrinkles than usual. Look at me and give us more smile ^^"

"Asdfghjkl!!!!!"

Lucien is my dad co-worker. A young and brilliant nobel. Our family is a business partner since generations ago.

"How have you been this last days, My Lady? I miss you so much."

Chuuu~

My bad, I forgot to put the word 'sly' in Lucien introduction. No one dare to come close to me, not even mention kiss my palm except him.

"YOU!!!"

"Duke, this is a costume. I just pay my respect to My Lady. Or did you think anything else? ^^"

His sly face is beyond your imagination. You can't tell what Lucien is really thinking.

"Stop with your nonsense and release my daughter hand right now. You fox!"

"Hm. It's too bad that your scary dad is here. We can continue it when we're alone, right My Lady?"

"Errr. I think it will be difficult."

"My Lady, are you worried about me? It's okay. If he value his business then he shouldn't do anything to me. At least now."

"I regret sign a contract with someone like you."

"Fufu~ Like what I said before. If you terminate our contract then you should give your most beloved to me as a compensation. I hope you not forget about it."

"You fox. Don't come any closer to my daughter!"

"It's okay anyway. We can still be together even if you not terminate our contract. Right, father in law?"

"SAY THAT AGAIN IF YOU DARE!!"

Again. Lucien and my dad just play run and chase while using me as their wall. Are they still in kindergarten or what?

"Miss Chips! What did Lucien mean by that? Are you going to marry him? No waaay..."

Kiro, please. It will be a miracle if I can go out my mansion,.don't even mention anout marriage. I don't think I can marry in my entire life.

"Your highness are you okay? Hang in there bro! Gavin? Hello? Don't stand like that you make me scared."

Poor Minor. He is swaying his hand toward Gavin many times but it seem Gavin has lost in his own thought. At least Gavin not noisy like the other. But is he okay? He is standing like a rock for a while until now.

"How can you marry someone else. How about our promise when we are kid, Miss Chips?"

"Gavin? Bro? Breath! Don't die! Broooo!!"

"...."

"We can live together. 3 of us in my mansion. I will prepare the master room for you beside my room and My Lady so you won't be alone, Duke."

"I should sold my soul to demon instead to fallen angel like you."

Did everyone forget our purpose gathering here today? To be honest I'm hungry. I mean I need more than enough energy to play with these people.

"Anna. How is the preparation for lunch?"

"It's already finished. But My Lady, you should do something about them first."

"Like I ever success do that. Can anyone replace me and stand here? I'm done with this."

That was my daily life. A caged nobel lady who has super protective dad because I always surrounded by noisy handsome men.

Murmuring "Should I accept proposal from neighbooring prince we get last week?"

"NO WAY!!"

What? They can hear me? Did my voice come out? Sometimes these 4 people can be in harmony too, huh?

***

[My Lady, if you want to live a free life please give me your hand in marriage. I will ensure no one will disturb us here.

From your secret admirer.

Horseman♡]

========================================

Omake

17 years ago, at the Duke Victor household.

"I want to marry daddy when I grow up!"

"Why you want to marry me?"

"Because daddy is so handsome, smart and rich!"

"Dummy. You can't marry your dad. If you grow up later you should look to someone worth like me. Although I guess you can't find a better man than me."

***

Present day, at the garden.

"My Lady, I heard you like someone who is handsome, smart and rich?"

"Where did you heard something like that, Lucien?"

"It just a coincidence. Although I'm from a marquessate household, actually I'm richer than you father. You know when your family in the blink of bankruptcy 10 years ago our family make an agreement that...."

Bonk.

"Ow. It's hurt. Who is that throwing book to someone else head?"

"LU-CI-EN!!"

"Oh, Duke. How are you? ^^"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FOX!"

===================fine=================

[moonstruck05-blog]

Moonchild lyric analysis

So if you haven't listen to RMs mixtape. Personally for me I like it because of the mellow beats but powerful lyrics. Not everyone who is an ARMY will like this mixtape since it is more of a soft/soul rap. I don't know how to explain it so well but I hope you get what I mean.

That being said I'm someone who really enjoyed the mixtape, moonchild specifically. Something about that song just spoke to me I don't know what it is but I can honestly call it a bop. So I tried to do something different, I've never been the type to do a theory or lyric analysis because I felt like they took a lot of time and I couldn't think creatively at all but today I decided to try one! I just couldn't pass up the opportunity with this beautiful song so I hope you enjoy my lyric analysis on moonchild.

Please note that this is how I see the song. The way you interpret it could be totally different and that's because we have different experiences but sometimes it's nice to see how others percieve things as well

“We're part of the moonlight aint a fantasy Can't bring you the sunlight Gotta hide your heart We're born to be sad, sad, sad, sad So start to be glad, glad, glad, glad”

We're special and different. moonlight is different, mysterious, something unexplored by most. I think that is supposed to represent our personalities while sunlight is the status quo. Everyone likes sunlight, it brings morning and everything is in the morning. Sunlight here represents what society wants, what it tries to mold everyone to be but, we are different, we are moonlight. We can't bring sunlight because we don't know how. We should be sad/shunned/ for that but instead we embrace it. Let the world know we are moonlight.

“C'mon yo, moonchild, moonchild That's supposed to be Yeah all the pain, all the sorrow That's your destiny”

Moon kids, which im thinking are the different kids like I've said before are supposed to be sad that they are different. Try and be like everyone else

“see You know my life is like this We gotta dance in the rain Dance in the pain Even though we crashing now We gonna dance in the plane”

Dancing is something fluid and kind of unpredicting, it tells a story in itself. You have to be confident to dance  well. When word 'plane’ comes up I think a field type plane. So where I'm going with this is that he's saying be confident about who you are, it's your life and it's free/open for you.

“Even though we crashing now We gonna dance in the plane For us, more than anyone else, we need the night sky”

Even though life may seem terrible right now, keep staying optimistic and keep holding your head high because it will get easier and you will be comfortable about, easiness is the night sky since the moon is best seen at night.

“Even if I (try to) leave I'm unable to leave just once You said you wanted to die, but you lived as zealously as you, said such words”

I think rm, the I, in this sense is like our conscious or happy emotion so he doesn't want to leave. Zealously means with great energy or enthusiasm and so I think what this means is even though you seem happy and enthusiastic you really aren't and break down when others see

“You said you wanted to rid yourself of it but you string up another thread Even thinking that you shouldn't think That in itself is a thought, you know That in fact we're fated like this, you know That we're smiling through never-ending pain, you know"

Even though you say you are breaking down and giving up you aren't, you keep going for some weird reason. Your destiny is to be different and bring what you can to make the world better so you keep smiling even though everyone is trying to bring you down

“The moment you speak of freedom, you lose it, you know Do you know?”

As soon as you start hoping /speaking/ about something you want and crave for so badly /freedom/ it slips away from your hands.

“Again with those eyes being lowered I look at the night sky I'm going to show it to you: your spear, your time Do you know? Even in that lampost, there are many thorns"

The night sky is like a comfort zone/safe place. Somewhere that you know well and it won't affect you as much as /day/. But even then things /lampost/ in the /night sky/ can have scary things wrapped around them /thorns/

“Look at the flashing lights one more time That glittering light, study it carefully Isn't what's called a nightscape a cruel thing: a spectacle made up of someone's congregated thorns”

I think the nightscape here is like the worsts of everyone's lives hence 'congregated thorns’ and you should study/observe them because they help you understand your own /nightscape/

“(But) surely someone will see your thorns and be comforted”

Someone will see your flaws and struggles and know they aren't alone, weather that be because they are dealing with something similar, have dealt with something similar, or anything I that sort they know they aren't alone and can rest better knowing that

“We are each other's nightscape, each other's moon”

You help each other out. Whenever one person is down /nightscape/ someone's there to help you up and comfort you /moon/ but the /moon/ is sometimes hard to find and so that person will be hard to find as well

“C'mon yo Moonchild don't cry When moon rise, it's your time”

There will be a time where the normal ends /sun/ and people are em embracing what makes them different /the moon/ or taking the help the /moon/ gives them to leave their /nightscape/ and that's your time to shine. It's your time to show the world what you are capable of