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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years ago

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Drawn That Way

Tom and Jerry was awful, man. I don’t like Tom and Jerry in general, never a fan of the cartoons or anything, but this movie that just got released was the absolute worst. There are A LOT of reasons why this was such a hard watch, and i went over several in my reviews of that sh*tshow, but my biggest issue was the fact that the integration of animation and live action never meshed. Its not like there weren’t films that totally nailed this aesthetic that they couldn’t pull from. Off the top of my head, Space Jam, Cool World, and Mary Poppins all immediately come to mind but the best to ever do it, and one of my all-time favorite films, is definitely Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I made a reference to this flick in my Tom and Jerry review because the comparison is kind of hard not to make but i wanted to make sure that contrast was fair. Was i fondly looking back on Roger Rabbit through the rose tinted, perspective killing, lenses of nostalgia or was it truly as excellent as i remember? I had to know so i rifled through my old collection of DVDs and found my Collector’s edition of a movie i watched so much as a kid, my mom had to but three copies of it on VHS because i literally played them to death.

The Outstanding

These characters are outstanding. I started to list them individually but, b the time i was finished, all of the principal cast had made it in this section so i opted to just make this one entry instead. Roger, Jessica, Eddie, Herman, Benny, Judge Doom, the Weasels; All of these characters are timeless and fantastic editions to the American cinematic zeitgeist.

The live action and animation integration is the best I've ever seen on film. There is a weight to the interaction of the actors and the cartoons that you rarely see in films like this. The artists in post made that extra effort to fill the void in missed cues or weird physics gaffs, adding to the reality of this world. It was incredibly effective and made for a more authentic watch. Stuff never felt as meticulous or curated, like, the real people were real people and the Toons were Toons and it felt “real” in the sense that they would interact with the world in completely different ways. Nothing the Toons interacted with really felt floaty or the real people interacting with toon stuff felt fake or pantomimed. The technical aspects of this film are absolutely brilliant and lacking in films of it’s kin, that came after.

The Great

I spoke about the characters previously but they’re nothing without exceptional performances to bring them to life. You have to match the energy of a rubber faced, carton rabbit or the sultry, curvy, man-eating, redhead and these this cast does an exceptional job of that. Charles Fleischer was perfectly cast as Roger Rabbit, Benny the Cab, and Greasy, and Psycho. Dude really was the workhorse of this film, man. Lou Hirsch was hilarious as Herman the baby while Kathleen Turner killed it as Jessica Rabbit, though she went uncredited the role, and i have a particular fondness for David Lander‘s Smartass. Dude was my favorite character when i was kid and Lander’s performance went a long way to making that happen. I also have to mention the immortal Bob Hoskins as well. Even though he wasn’t a cartoon, his Eddie Valiant was the perfect foil to Roger’s madcap antics. None of this would have worked if Hoskins didn't have the wherewithal to play Eddie as straight as he did. That said, my absolute favorite performance belongs to...

Christopher Lloyd as Judge f*cking Doom. Holy sh*t, was this dude terrifying to me as a kid! Up to this point, Christopher Lloyd, for me, was Doc Brown. He was this goofy, weirdly voiced, lovable scamp of an older dude. The second i realized he was Judge Doom my perception of his ability changed considerably. Everything that Doc Brown is, Doom ain’t. This cat is sinister, sadistic, cruel, and absolutely out of his f*cking mind; A reality that Lloyd hone to a focused point which he used to stab at my young emotions. Dude was a straight up terror, delighting in the slow, tortuous, death of Toons in the dip, only to go full nutbag after getting steam-rolled. Bro, that scene? That scene f*cked me up for years! It was pure trauma for five-year-old me and, even today, makes me grimace a little bit. One of the best and most underrated antagonist performances I've ever seen on film.

The writing is completely on point. It had to be. There were quotas on time for every cartoon cameo i this thing and they needed to be worked into the script organically. That, alone, is enough to earned recondition but, beyond that, this film was a solid showing in it’s own right. It’s a great murder mystery with enough intrigued and gaff to enthrall kids while simultaneously, engaging adults. Roger Rabbit was based on a book so there was an established narrative to pull from but the adapted screenplay is truly brilliant, not only on a narrative level with it’s simplicity, but on a technical one with the character complexity.

A dope script can only go so far without a proper eye to guide the action and Robert Zemeckis did a fantastic job in the big chair with this one. The Eighties and Nineties found Zemeckis at the height of his powers but Roger Rabbit is one his best showings, hands down. To visualize all of these Toons interacting with real actors, to box out those scenes properly in order to get the necessary performances our of his actors with nothing there, is a true testament to how clearly this cat could see his narrative. Dude has fallen by the wayside in recent years, that Witches remake was decent but nowhere near as awesome as Back to the Future and Forrest Gump, but Roger Rabbit shows what he can do when he’s firing on all cylinders.

The world of Roger rabbit is so goddamn lush and full of rich characters that i immediately fell in love with it. That unique perspective from the book, vividly brought to life onscreen, was incredible to see, especially for the young version of me. Going back, now, as an adult, and i still feel the same way. Zemeckis really pulled off something special with this film, especially considering it still stand up to this day, some three decades later.

The Verdict

I love Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It’s required viewing for any movie buff. It is, literally, the best of a genre. It’s the Godfather of these animation/live action hybrids and really proves itself upon repeated viewing. You always catch little tidbits that you missed before and it just lends itself to the level of detail Zemeckis put into his direction. Outside of that, as a film, it’s exceptionally entertaining with a accessible plot to tie in all of these cameos and technical wizardry. The performances are completely on point, with particularly great showings from Haskins, Lloyd, and Fleischer, giving a real authenticity to a movie about cartoons living with people, provably didn’t deserve. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is an outstanding film that deserves all of the accolades and love. It’s a great film for kids, a fun watch for their parents, and true classic of American cinema.

#Smokey brand Movie Reviews #Who Framed Roger Rabbit

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agl03 · 5 years ago

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Can you do a breakdown of everyone few episodes of season 7 like big things you think will happen

Hi Anon,

Not much has changed since I did the big breakdown when we were able to find the ‘leaked’ titles. However, please bear in mind the only two we are 100% confident on are 1 and 13. I’ll repost it here and add anything that might have popped into

1. The New Deal

Aired at D23. Cliffnotes Mack, Robo Coulson, Daisy, and Deke have to save Freddy Malick from being kill by the Chronicoms.

2. Know your Onions

Well this is one of those weird titles that makes little sense. There is a song by The Shins But its also a saying for being very knowledgeable about something. So this is where we’re really going to see Robo Coulson really showing how invaluable to this. Also might speak to the learning curve the team is facing with all the new stuff. Also a good chance we at least get a glimpse of FItz here before he disappears for a bit.

Written By Craig Tiltey AKA the OUT OF THE BOX dude. He’s given us great episodes like 4722 Hours, Uprising, personal fave Hot Potato Soup, Rewind, and SPACE VEGAS!

3. Alien Commies from the Future

Well the Chronicoms take over some Russians or they think they are Russian, people were pretty paranoid back then. And I’ll put the time period they visit here anywhere between the 50′s and 80′s due to the “commies” reference. Good chance we’ll see lots of Military here based on who is already in IMDB. This may also be when we see Enver show up…or two…depends on where they go after saving Freddy. Also trying not to think of Killer Clowns from Outer Space here.

I throw in this could be where we could see Stoner.

Written by the Zuckermans have given us episodes Lockup, Boom, A LIfe Spent, Option Two, Code Yellow, and This Sign. They do have a decent amount of Philinda under their belts so this could be where we see May on a mission with Robo Coulson for the first time.

4. Out of the Past

Well something from someone one the teams past is likely going to come back to haunt them here. And it also might tie into the 1947 movie bearing the same name about a small town gas station that has his life turned upside down when figures from his past return. So they’ll be going for someone who ‘got out” and now is being pulled back in.

This would be the first opening I see for Afterlife and those involved in it to come into play.

Written by Mark Leitner, relatively new to the writing team he did Inside Voices and Toldja.

5. A Trout in the Milk

Guys I swear my google history for this show. Another title based on a saying. The meaning is that although you did not see the dairy farmer do it, he most probably dipped the milk pail in the stream to water down the product. It’s not direct evidence but a very strong circumstantial case.It is attributed as follows: “Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk. ‘ (Henry David Thoreau)

So the team will have strong evidence on something but can’t be 100% on it. This could speak to who they feel the Chronicoms are after, if there is a traitor in their midst (its an annual tradition after all), or this could be where something could be wrong with Fitz and Jemma is starting to worry more/pick up on it.

Written by Iden Baghadadchi also relatively new she’s done Rise and Shine aka Hale’s Back story and squee inducing we are invincible and Collision Course Part II.

6. Adapt or Die

Raise your hand if this SCREAMS when we are gonna see Ward/Hydra again! Because he said that a few times when he was discussing why he followed Hydra. I just have no idea WHAT Ward we are dealing with…preturn Ward, Hydra Head Ward, Squidward (yay I got to use it again).

If not Ward someone has to adjust to the new situation and fast in order to survive. This could speak to someone being captured, gone under cover, or something out of left Field. Knowing who the writer is…could me buckle up for some Fitzsimmons feels people.

If it is heavy Fitzsimmons, this could be the where we learn more about “we had time” and possibly the Secret Child Theory gets some legs. Adapt or Die could also speak to Fitzsimmons having to drastically change their lives in order to survive and move forward saving the others and the world.

Written by DJ Doyle…and a favorite with Fitzsimmons fans as he has given us some of the most iconic Fitzsimmons moments. Past credits include The Things We Bury, Melinda, Purpose in the Machine, Many Heads on Tale, The Team, Deals with Our Devils, INESCAPABLE!!!!!Also worth pointing out the sixth episode of each season has a history of being big FItzsimmons Episodes.

7. The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and the D

OMG are we getting a Bill and Ted esque Mack and Deke Team up. EEEEEEEEE!!!!! I do believe this is where we are going to get “The closest thing to a Musical Episode the show will ever do” and Deke in the Red Leather pants Chloe talked about.

Bring on the 80′s/90′s nostalgia folks. I don’t even care what is happening this one is gonna be awesome. Also considering the writer we need to be on the lookout for a FItznapping….this is the dude who has written most of them.

Written by Brent Fletcher who has done some major major episodes. The Dirty Half Dozen, Closure, Broken Promises, Farewell Cruel World (IE thank goodness we are FINALLY out of the Framework), FUN & GAMES, Space Vegas, and New Life.

8. After Before

I wanna lean flashback here and this could be another option where we get some answers from Jemma as to what happened during “we had time” and the fallout from that. It could also speak to a comparison or a change in someone, a play on a “Before and After” King of Reveal. Once again the writers lean towards something happening on the FItzsimmons front as they are the other resident Married couple with Jed/Mo on the writing team.

Also worth noting this is the first episode that Enver is in IMDB in so they’ll need to go back in time to meet up with him and I think they’ll find him at a point well after Agent Carter had ended. Meaning there could be some critical early days of Shield backstory here as well.

Written by James and Sharla Oliver they’ve done Paradise Lost, The Patriot, The Honeymoon.

9. As I have Always Been

Episode LIL Directed…YAY!

Clark said this was one of his favorites of the season.

Lil directing means Jemma will be light in both it and 8.

This screams something to do with Enoch to me (like i hear him saying it when i read it), its pretty much what he said to Fitz before he gassed him. In the trailer we see Enoch seemingly getting left behind as the the Zephyr Jumps away, stranding him in time. It also means if we lose sight of him for a bit we might need to be concerned about him getting co opted by the evil Chronicoms and used against the team. It should also be said that Enoch was on the planet for centuries, it could be only a matter of time before they come across his past self.

I feel this could also speak to Robo Coulson doing some soul searching about who he is now and coming to terms with the whole LMD thing.

Written by Drew Greenberg, another one of the long time heavy hitters. Dirty Half Dozen, Who you Really Are, Absolution, Wake Up, All the Comforts of Home, and Leap.

10. Stolen

Well this screams someone getting kidnapped and/or having their memories messed with. It could also speak to an item stolen or stolen time. This is the point where we really could see Fitz coming back into the mix more. This is also the point in the Season where everything typically starts to go to poop and the team suffers a major loss.

Targets for kidnapping for me are Robo Coulson as he’s what Shield has been using to keep ahead of the Chronicoms. Fitz because well it’s Fitz and he’s in hiding for a reason. Enoch to be used against the team.

Also worth noting this is the last episode that Enver is listed in IMDB for.

Written by Mark Leitner who is completely new to the writing team. However vet George Kitson (yes the one they named Kitson after) did the screenplay.

11. Brand New Day

So I think that just like in Season 6, Episode 10′s Stolen is going to be a real kick in the teeth to the team. In Leap they lost Davis, Piper shot her had, Sarge’s true self really got released, Izel escaped with the “monoliths”, and Mack and Elena were kidnapped. Out of the Ashes was the team picking themselves back up and starting to fight back.

Brand New Day also represents new beginnings and a fresh start. So after suffering a major loss in 10, they are gong to pick themselves up, regroup, and fight back. But this all but confirms someone is getting kidnapped in 10 for me….looking at Robo Coulson and Fitz still.

Written by Christopher Fryer he’s another new writer but based on IMDB has been on the production team for a bit.

12. The End is at Hand

Yeah that is not ominous at all. And just like The Sign this season hold onto your hats because its going to be a major run up to the end. I’m fully expecting a two hour series finale event.

The Chronicoms and if a new baddie is in the mix will have their plan in full motion (I fell like the we need to save this point in history kind of thing will be abandoned in favor of something bigger and scarier), the team will be scattered, some could be prisoners, and my stress level will be through the roof.

Expect it to end on an insane note just as The Sign did (with May being killed).

Written by Jeff Bell. As doom and gloom and generally no fun he can be in interviews he has given us some amazing/huge episodes and his last one shouldn’t be any exception. It may be worth nothing he has a knack for putting Fitz/Fitzsimmons in danger. Previous credits include 084, Ragtag, What They Become, SOS 1, Maveth, Good Samaritan, World’s End, Real Deal, and Collision Course Part 1.

13. WHAT WE’RE FIGHTING FOR

Pause for screaming with @eclecticmuses because this THIS is what we wanted from that first tease!

It’s the PERFECT title for a final episode and all cards are going to be on the table here. I feel like not only will the team be fighting to save the world as usual but every single one of them is going to have a more personal stake in the game.

They are literally going to be fighting for THEIR futures as well. Perhaps even their Past, Presents, and Futures depending on horrible plan they are trying to stop.

There is only one I am willing to theorize on right now because I don’t know what character arcs are coming and how things could change over the season for a lot of the characters. FItzsimmons. They are going to be fighting for their future, their family, their happily ever after. Come on Secret Kid Theory!

This is going to be action packed, major fight scenes, emotional as all get out as 7 seasons come to a close. Their will be wins, their will be losses. Mack is going to give an epic speech before he falls (sorry still don’t think he makes it) and Daisy will rally the team after he does.

Piper is back!

Written by Jed who has had his hand in every episode and penned some of the biggest ones.

#aos spoilers #aos speculation #ask agl03 #all the titles #maybe

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spnfanficpond · 6 years ago

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January Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations. If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

And we’d like to make a special shout out and say thank you to Ana and Kenzi for your total of 15 Angel Fish Nominations this month! The two of you together nominated 14 authors and the kind of passion for reading and reciprocating your feedback is exactly what we love to see. Thank you both for sharing so much love this month!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JANUARY’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @sorenmarie87

The Pact (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

Jen’s fics are always so well written and detailed to a point where it feels like it could actually happen. Not to mention her characterization is on point. This fic in particular is different from what I’ve read before and everyone should give it a chance.

Nominated by @littlegreenplasticsoldier

How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington

I’m nominating this fic, which (fair disclosure) I beta’d becuase it does a really really really really great job of fulfilling the brief it set out to achieve: making you cry.

It’s a story of unrequited love between Dean and the reader and it’s doomed, from the outset. Kate unpacks nearly every angle and moment and hold them up for you as they burn away, right in from of your eyes. Ruby-level patience. Nice at brutal.

So if you like your angst and tears, have at it friends. Cheers, Ali.

(TW for major character death.)

Nominated by @rosieakacanadianspnhunter

Thunder Rolls by @amanda-teaches

I'm not afraid of thunder, but I definitely felt the fear. I'd totally pretend to be if it meant Dean would distract me this way! I loved the addition of Dean telling the reader what his own biggest fear is! Hot!

Nominated by @percywinchester27

The First Bite (oneshot) by @shy-violet-soul

Firstly, can I just say that I am absolutely in love with their work? The writer is so sure of what they want to say and know exactly how to say it. And that is a rare thing, when no word is unnecessary. I absolutely fell in love with the characterization of young Dean and Sam. And the OCs are enchanting. Don’t remember the last time I fell in love with an OC so quickly! And the husband-wife duo in the fic are simply adorable. The context and background of the story paint a lovely picture. And Dean… damn that boy breaks your heart. All in all would recommend it 100% Go check the author out!

The Babysitter (series) @mrswhozeewhatsis

I never thought I would ever commit to a 65 chapter series, but damn! this one felt like a couple of pages, and even after it ended, I was running around my room, screaming like a zombie with “MOREEEEEEEEEEEE.” This could have very well been a parallel world in itself. Like another reality that Jack could create a rift to, where the Winchesters are happy. They have this sister/mother/friend figure in their lives who is absolutely awe-inspiring. She is tender, good and badass but oh so realistic with her feelings. I go back and read the timestamps a lot and my fav chapter where they are in the hotel room at the very end and prank the hell out of everyone else. I was in splits the first time and still am. This doesn’t white wash John, but brings out the best in him. JUST. GO. READ IT. You are fucking welcome!

Living With Regrets (series) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

The pain!! OH GOD THE PAIN!! The author can personally attest to how I hounded her over this series in her IMs. The timing of each chapter is so perfect that it just leave you with the right amount of angst and desperation for the next chapter. I wanted to push both the characters together and close the door behind them so they could just fucking TALK!! I am emotional about this okay? Also while I wanted to hug and cuddle the little OC, I wanted to strangle and murder the other one!! This series brought out quite a lot of passion in me, one that I didn’t know I had the capacity of feeling over a fictional work, still does. It is an adorable little world that you all should definitely be a part of! Go…go….go!!

Silk and Rough Velvet (series) by @blacktithe7

SARV was the first long series I attempted to read. Also the first AU. It altered my life. Rockstar!Jensen suddenly became a real thing. Y'all have no clue how much this series had awed me. Even now when I mention the series to a third party, my first reaction is - “You haven’t read it? What are you doing with your life?” It has the perfect amount of love, angst and fluff. Gosh! It is the freaking best! Most days there are no words. Today is one of them!

Series Rewrite (series) @torn-and-frayed

A true masterpiece! I don’t know how do you even begin to attempt something like this. The reader is inserted in the rewrite SO FLAWLESSLY!!! SO EFFORTLESSLY that it is crazy! Like what even??? I mean she has a personality of her own. And as strong a presence as Sam or Dean. More importantly, she does not undermine the relationship of the brothers. Does not take away from their moments, all the while creating her own bonds. I love that she is in love with Dean. But damn, I love what she has with Sam, too. The author manages to perfectly capture the essence of the rewrite in the best way possible. Excellent job!

Fresh Start (series) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

This one is unique in it’s uncomplicatedness (that isn’t a word, but deal with it) Like whoa, the reader is so fucking relatable! I am sure all authors can relate when they make a reader super-strong, super-understanding, super-witty. This one is just super-relatable. And that is the hardest fucking thing to do! The OC is charming AF, and the underlying pain of a dead lover is significant. It is not in your face, it is not too underplayed, but it’s subtle and THERE. Kudos at having achieved the perfect balance of everything. It is rare and awesome! Read this ONE!

Close Every Door (series) by @jotink78

I have never known the sort of pain and angst that this series inflicted on me, I kid you not. I wanted to steamroll everyone,and everybody. If you caught me reading a chapter, there was a good chance that I was either feeling extremely murderous and was sobbing incessantly in the corner. I’ve said it before, despite being one of the kindest people, the author sure knows how to be cruel when it comes to writing. This series is sure to rip your freaking heart part, stomp all over it and out it back. BUT SO WORTH IT!!

More Than You Bargained For (series) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Best bodyguard!AU I have ever read. It was fun and exciting without getting too palpitating, which is good because the chase and suspense were fantastically written. And the twist at the end, you’d never fucking see that coming. I bet!! I love how they slowly fall for each other even through all their differences. This one I couldn’t put down, it was so good. If you are looking for something to curl up with on a cozy and comfortable Saturday, this is your THING!! Don’t forget to curl in with a blanket and hot mug of coffee before you get started!

Five years of Christmas (oneshot) by @deanssweetheart23

This is a life worth’s contentment packed in a single fic, neatly wrapped and gifted to you. The words have the softness of petals and the harshness of shards of ice that pierce you and then you die! But then come back later. The author doesn’t only make fiction out the words…. she makes poetry. It flows, straight into your heart. Now, you might think I am being cheesy, but read the fic and then come back. We’ll see who is cheesy then! But seriously, y'all need to get behind this. It is the freaking best. I am in love <3

Nominated by @ellen-reincarnated1967

Red String of Fate (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

Sweet, serendipitous, a bit heartbreaking, and an 'Ah ha! Yes!!!' ending!!! Honestly, I'd recommend everything on her masterlist, but I've been saving this one for a rainy day read and was not disappointed!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

What Could Have Been (series) by @flamencodiva

Holy moly, this series is killing me. SO MUCH ANGST, yet there’s sweet stuff mixed in there, too. Every day, I look forward to seeing if there’s a new chapter posted!

The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology

This series was posted before, and Saxxxy edited it and reposted it, and it’s fabulous, now! It’s got an intriguing premise, Sweet and protective Sammy, and super hot Alpha!Sam smut! *shiver* It’s awesome!

Her Saviours (series) by @bamby0304

This series is giving me a heart attack. There’s John, there’s Sam, there’s Dean, but John’s gone, and Sam’s recovering from Jess’s death, and Dean is sweet but has his wandering eye. It’s ABO, and there’s so much love and heartbreak and hormones that I honestly can’t wait for the next chapter to post!

Wishverse (series) by @crashdevlin

This series is a sequel to another series, A Hard Ten. After what happens in Hard Ten, the reader gets her wish and goes back in time, getting the chance to metaphorically turn left instead of right. It’s got sweetness and smutty smut and angst and everything you could ever want! Seeing how everything plays out is fascinating as hell, and I can’t wait to see where this ends up!

Nominated by @samsexualdeancurious

The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology

This is a repost of one of the many fabulous fics that were lost when Saxxy’s blog got deleted, so a lot of people have already read it at least once. It hasn’t gotten many notes this time around, though, which is an absolute crime because this fic is just as amazing the second time around as it was the first.

Bitten (series) by @saxxxology

I am head over heels in love with this fic. It has a perfect blend of angst, fluff, and smut, and I’ve been enjoying every word of it.

Tomorrow (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

This fic is so cute! I love Dean so much, especially in this fic. Rhi writes him so well and every word out of his mouth is just so Dean is hurts. Also, I can guarantee most of us have at least felt the way this reader does, which makes this fic even more perfect.

Forbidden (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

This fic murdered me. I am dead and writing this from my suite in Hell. Crowley says “hi” and that he agrees this fic is perfectly sinful. It’s not a fic for anyone who doesn’t like Wincest or Full House of Wincest, but it’s definitely a fic for me.

Playing Victim (oneshot) by @crispychrissy

Ugh, yes. Gimme all the Sub!Dean/Dom!Reader. There’s simply not enough of that in this fandom and Chrissy nails it so well. Also, the gif she used? Should be illegal.

Three Kisses (oneshot by) @impala-dreamer

I was dying by the end of this fic. A little angsty, a lot sexy, and then fucking hilarious. Rebekah writes Sam and Dean so well, especially Dean’s snarky big brother side, and I love it.

Nominated by @manawhaat

Let Me Carry You (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!!! Ugh, this fic hurts so fucking good. It’s soft, it’s brutal, it’s so sad it splits you at the seams and makes a home in the hole it punched in your chest. But most importantly, it gives you hope. There’s an honesty that’s written into this story, into Dean and into the reader, and that kind of love and care in crafting this short fic is all anyone could ask for <3

The Truth about Lust (series?) by @scorpiongirl1

Ho, ho, HOLY SHITBALLS! THE DUB CON! This entire thing rides my borderline of fuck no and fuck yes EXCEPTIONALLY WELL! Unf! The story is believable and the way Sam reacts to what’s happening to him is so on point. The remorse and apologies, the snarly growly creature of sex, the restraint and the care he takes for the reader when he literally is dying of lust...jesus fuck. It’s all so Sam. Read it and then go masturbate because, yeah. I did.

Headlights Off (drabble) by @samsexualdeancurious

Yowza, does this girl know how to write that Wincest! Fun, sexy, adventurous, funny. What can I say? It’s everything you want from a wincest fic.

Free and Easy Down The Road I Go (oneshot) by @samsexualdeancurious

Wincest? Yes. Impala? Yes. Nipple clamps on a slightly subby Sammy? Fuck yes. Snarky, smug Dean giving a world class hand job? Oh yeah, you betcha.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be! :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #afas #angel fish awards #spn fanfic #supernatural fic rec #fan fiction #spn fan fiction #supernatural fan fiction

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dcarevu · 6 years ago

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Batman TAS: The Clock King

Hi, guys! Gee, it’s been a while! For another week or two, doing these blogs are going to be incredibly difficult to accomplish. It’s the last two weeks of my school semester, meaning that it’s crunch time. Overall, school has kept me so busy that watching the episodes has been doable, but writing about them has been a huge problem. It sucks, because doing this blog and venting my thoughts is incredibly satisfying. To be honest, if I didn’t include screenshots and captions for most of them (like how I used to do things), these posts would likely still be coming out regularly. But they are a lot of extra work. It more than doubles the creation-time, believe it or not. It is work that is worth it, mind you, it adds a massive leap in awesome-factor. But I just don’t have time for it at the moment. I have watched up to Robin’s Reckoning as of the moment I type this. Because of how far ahead that is without actually writing anything about those episodes, it’s going to be hard to write meaningful blog posts about them, simply due to the episodes not being as fresh in my mind. I will try to rewatch them (or at the very least skim through them and read about them). I’m in a bit of a rut. I didn’t want to stop watching episodes entirely, because I’d like to get through the DC Animated Universe in a somewhat timely manner (I’d watch an episode per night if only I could). Luckily, after the 10th of May I should be back at it in full. I’m likely way more excited about it than you are, but hey, I’m mainly doing this for me (with a hearty “welcome” to anyone who happens to discover and enjoy these along the way). Just figured I’d keep any readers updated! This is the last post for the next couple of weeks. I’ll check in soon! In the mean time…

“Thirty-seven pages? That would take a copier exactly one minute and forty-nine seconds. One more delay like this and you're fired!”

Episode: 25 Robin: No Writer: David Wise Director: Kevin Altieri Animator: Sunrise Airdate: September 21, 1992 Grade: B

So lately I’ve been watching these episodes using my Blu Ray copy, and receiving the screenshots from my DVD copy. There hasn’t been too much for variance, aside from one looking obviously better, but The Clock King is an example of a pretty drastic difference in how two episodes can be presented. The Blu Ray copy is much brighter than the DVD copy, and while that does allow us to see what is going on a little bit better in dark scenes such as when Batman and Temple Fugate face off inside the clock, it also makes other scenes uncharacteristically bright, and honestly a little bit tacky. Seeing Batman walking around in broad daylight is odd enough, but when you further get rid of the illusion of how cool he looks by upping the exposure an additional amount, it makes him look really out of place. In the series bible, I can see why they wanted to keep Batman only appearing after dark. In the real world, it would be a lot easier to see Batman as a normal guy in a dorky Halloween costume when not cloaked in the shadows or when the ability to see him before he attacks is present. Of course, this isn’t saying that if Batman were to see trouble during daylight that he should just ignore it. It makes sense to break the rule sometimes, and it’s not even a problem to me in this episode, I just don’t think that the remastering of the Blu Ray release does it any favors in this case. The brightness also brings out the budget, revealing a whole lot of bland blues, grays, and browns. These colors have not been shy since the beginning, but there is no disguising them this time.

Fugate is a villain who’s main flaw is not only how obsessive-compulsive he gets about his schedule, keeping track of things, being on time, etc, but also the fact that he extends this to other people. He expects them to fall in line with his standards. For example, he keeps track of how long he and Mayor Hill have been taking the subway together, and expects Hill to know his name just from that. Also, his employee/intern who brings him a stack of papers too slowly for his standards, because apparently a photocopier should only take “one minute and forty-nine seconds” on that particular stack. And then, the biggest one of all, when he expects Mayor Hill to immediately know the significance of the time 3:15. This is the time that Hill suggested Fugate go on his coffee break, indirectly leading to Fugate losing the court case, ruining his life and creating the Clock King. But this was seven years prior! If someone came up to you and went, “1:47!” would you have any idea what they were talking about? Sure, a lot of things have happened at 1:47, maybe even some significant things, but as far as what they are, most people probably do not keep track. Another theme that I noticed was the idea of hindsight. Have you ever been in a situation where you gave someone a mere suggestion, they willingly took it, and then when something happened to ruin it, they blame you and insist that they knew it was a bad idea? Right, of course in hindsight it’s easy to say that, but truth is, neither of you saw the consequences coming! On top of that, any bad things that happened were completely unrelated to what you suggested, and luck just did not happen to line up. Maybe if Fugate hadn’t gone on that coffee break at a different time than usual, something else would have happened (not to get Final Destination-y on you). Point is, Fugate is completely missing the mark by staying mad at Mayor Hill for that long, and it’s like the old saying goes, “Shit happens.” Ironically, for a man so precise and knowledgable when to comes to all things time and clock related, looking back in time without heavy distortion does not seem to be something he is capable of doing in this case.

The main thing I liked about this episode (as I think a lot of people did) was its incredibly cruel nature. Just how mean to a guy can the writers be? “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy”. That’s a Joker quote (taken from The Killing Joke), and it’s something I think about from time to time. I often wonder how much is between a rational brain and a completely irrational one. How much subconscious effort does being sane take? What’s keeping any of us from letting go and succumbing to the lunacy? Do our minds even work that way? Well, I sure as hell don’t know. And nobody worry, I’m not even the least bit afraid of snapping or anything, hahaha. It probably greatly varies from person to person as far as what would be enough to drive them crazy. In Temple Fugate’s case, it was a lot less than it would take for the majority of us. But this is hammered home by the drama of him being late to court. The bloody browns, dramatic shadows, and violent ticks of a clock do not necessarily represent how Fugate sees the situation, but they are there to represent how the situation affects him. If we were to be affected like him, this is how we would have to experience the situation. After all, everything is relative. This is juxtaposed brilliantly by the prior scene where birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Fugate seems like an alien trying to act casually as he struggles to relax for those few seconds. This is also more from our point of view than Fugate’s. These two scenes being back to back make us feel confused and baffled over our villain, all while allowing us to understand him completely. To me, understanding does not necessarily mean that something makes sense to us. Understanding is knowing the why. But, as an analogy, someone can tell me why they like the taste of zucchini. But that doesn’t make it any more clear to me those reasons can be enough for someone can like it. It just is what it is, and the bottom line is that all of our realities are different. For Temple Fugate, this is an unfortunate reality.

The producers of Batman set a goal of having a crazy set piece at the third act of every episode. They wanted it to aid in the excitement and to be memorable. I’m pretty sure not all episodes did this (it would become formulaic is abused), but this, along with Prophecy of Doom are the two that come to mind as demonstrators of this concept. Unfortunately, the animation lacks the spark that it needs. Luckily The Clock King wasn’t infected by Atom disease, and so the climax downright corny like Prophecy of Doom, and seeing the inside of the clock was neat, but… It wasn’t beyond just neat. I wish we got a bigger sense of scale, seeing further to the bottom of the clock, and maybe getting some better angles along with quicker action. I wanted a sense of height like what Mayor Hill was experiencing from the outside, as he was tied to the clock-hand. Plus just better fighting. It was such a tease of an action scene. I wanted to be at the edge of my seat, but feeling that way would require forcing it. And I just don’t have that kind of energy, man. Sunrise tried, they really did. The scene (and the whole episode in general) looks passable. But the blandness holds it back. It’s like eating the macaroni and cheese from my college. It’s mac and friggin’ cheese. So of course it’s going to be edible. Of course I’m going to like it. But where is the usual flavor? Where is the element that I usually am head-over-heels for? I can make vague comments about what it’s missing or what I would personally do to make it better. But probably the most firm statement I can really make is only, “Just do it better next time.”

I feel bad for people like this. We’ve all met them. They hold themselves (and others) to an impossibly high standard. Think about how much energy that must use.

The shock of Fugate hitting his coffee break at an odd time. She’s worked with him a long time.

Batman’s idea of a nice, sunny day. As noted, it’s brighter on the Blu Ray. One of the scenes where the brightness adds to it. That tree is casting a shadow, but it almost looks like the clock is the one causing it...

The Blu Ray variant.

Great stuff! The tick of a clock gets louder and louder through the scene.

“Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change.” This line holds so much weight, as to someone like Fugate, it cements the idea that one moment of leniency was one too many.

This drawing could have been a little more grotesque, but not bad!

“I take it taxi-drivers are no longer required to obey traffic signs.”

I find it a little whacky that Bruce Wayne noticed trouble from way down on the streets.

Bruce going through that car was animated incredibly strangely. It looked like he entered the car, but then it looked like he emerged from behind it. But anyway, maybe this was a Superman homage? In one of the Superman movies, he walked through a car and emerged completely changed. Batman doesn’t have that amount of speed, so maybe this is kind of like his version of it. In the shadows, where he belongs.

Wow, ugly screenshot. But see how odd it is to see Batman in the daylight?

Again, here is the Blu Ray version. And on a much better frame.

Why he didn’t hurl the explosive directly at Batman is beyond me. He just kinda threw it into the distance. Maybe as a warning (much like Walter White vs Tuco for any Breaking Bad fans).

See what I mean by blandness so far? A little more style would have gone a long way.

What an awful way to die this would be. Split in half by two hands of a giant clock. Imagine the impact this would have on Gotham if it had have worked.

A few bits from inside the clock, including Fugate’s apparent death. But Batman doesn’t seem to think he’s gone... Some of these drawings of gears frankly suck. The line-work just isn’t there. This episode felt like a Twilight Zone episode, I’ve gotta say. I think it had to do with the personality of the villain along with some of the events that happened. Batman and Twilight Zone... Now there’s a crossover with possible potential...

Char’s grade: B Next time: Appointment in Crime Alley

Full episode list here!

#dcau #dc animated universe #batman tas #the clock king #batman #btas #batman the animated series

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josnhoes · 6 years ago

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Hello again! Its me, that dude who asked for yandere Jos3ph uwu I hope you received my previous message, mostly just saying how happy I was uwu if its possible, and if you have time since I'm sure you have a million duckies asking for more awesome writing do you think you would be able to do a Yandere Ganondorf Dragmire from the Legend Of Zelda? Any time line is fine! But if you would like a preference then perhaps Wind Waker (: thank you for taking the time to write these requests! :D

Yandere Ganondorf hyrule warriors:

Tw: yandere, violence, torture, isolation

-You never met the man but he had been watching you. Life times locked away unable to break free of spell and sword that held him left one bored. Eventually he managed to see. See beyond his prison and while he couldn't interact he was at least no longer as bored as he had been.

-Then by chance he saw you. You were a small child and seemed average but something made him observe you more. It was when you spoke to him he knew why.

-you couldn't hear him but you felt him. You'd always been odd sensing things no one else saw. So you figured he was another lost spirit. So instead of letting him be lonely you spoke to him.

-That was how you sealed your fate. He grew needing of your voice and attention. The loneliness of being isolated so long ate at his mind and he refused to go back to it.

-That want that need gave him the power he needed to contact Cia and break free. You had sped up the world's doom by simply being kind.

-When the darkness decended and hell broke loose you were at castle town. You were there when it was over run. You were one of the few civilians taken prisoner in the fray.

-But you didn't know true terror until you felt him again. Only this time as he stood in front of the cell that held so many could you see him and hear him.

-He called your name demanded you come forward. And that it was time you were rewarded for helping him. Those words didn't sit well with you but less so the scared people around you who spat and hissed out traitor as they pushed you towards him.

-They had been friends some even family but in the man's one sentence you were nothing to them worse then nothing you were a problem to be rid of.

-Dragged away you were taken to a room one he claimed was 'ours' Which meant he was not going to kill you and you feared worse.

-He told you everything about how your voice kept him sane how you gave him the strength he needed how you would rule everything at his side.

-Your rejection was met with laughter and a cruel smile telling you that you didn't have a choice.

-He treats you like a doll, pampered and shown off but that only happens when you are good. He won't expect you to love him, or even return his affectionate yet innocent touches. But he does expect you to talk to him.

-Your silence angers him more then anything and while he claimed not to be a monster at times he snapped. He would try to beat a sound out of you leaving you a bloodied mess of broken everything.

-He usually stops before he gets to close to killing you and after he pleads to hear your voice even if it is just a simple no or I hate you he'll take anything.

- It's a long cycle of being treasured and being tortured to speak. But no matter what he never touches you in a sexual manner with out concent. He wants you to give into him of your own will.

-whether you give in to speaking or not your life will never be a truly happy one. (Unless you come to love him then you're royalty for a while) If he is defeated no one from anywhere would let you stay believing you brought the great evil back, if you do love him and he gets defeated you loose the last person to love you. If you speak you are treated kindly but never given your freedom nor allowed to speak to anyone but him. No matter what though you know even if you die you'll never be free. You were a new addition to the cycle and he'd see that you stayed in it.

#loz #legend of zelda

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smokeybrand · 4 years ago

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Drawn That Way

The Outstanding

The Great

The Verdict

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awed-frog · 7 years ago

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I recently saw 12x01 again and I couldn't help but notice that as the first episode of the season it seems to predict a very different storyline than what actually happens in the following episodes. Lady Toni Bevell seems an interesting character with a backstory. Ms. Watt is like a female Mr. Ketch, and the bmol seem to be well-organized and upcoming danger. Yet none of this plays out the way it's obviously set up. What are your thoughts on this? Thank you for answering :)

Hi there! Sorry for leaving this ask for a couple of days - it’s such an interesting question, and I wrote and erased a few novels trying to do it justice, because you’re right, aren’t you? The end of S11 made us a Toni promise that never came to be, and why is that? I’m not sure I have a definitive answer for you, but here’s what I’m thinking right now: as far as I can tell, the fact Toni and Ms Watt were obliterated from the narrative, and the way the BMoL idea was executed (ie, badly) have to do with a series of elements that are recurring problems in Supernatural as a whole.

1) Secondary characters: no, no and nope

The most obvious thing is that, at this point, this should be way more of a choral story than it actually is. I mean - I’ve got nothing against Sam and Dean - their dynamic is fascinating, and either of them could be the sole subject of several novels, but the thing is, the fact they don’t hang out with other people more often is just not credible anymore. Since this has been discussed many times before, I’ll just point out that while this ‘the two of us against the rest of the world’ framework was perfect in earlier seasons (and, more importantly, justified, because of John and his - understandable - paranoia about what would happen to Sam if word of his ‘condition’ got out), it simply doesn’t work now - in fact, the characters themselves don’t want to be alone and, what’s more, we know they aren’t. There are hints here and there pointing to a lot of socializing going on behind the scenes - from Jody implying they hang out with her fairly often to Sam getting a lot of practice in ASL, it’s clear that Sam and Dean know they’ve got friends, or people they’re interested in, and that they do spend time with them. When you consider this, it’s even more baffling and annoying that the show often takes great pain not to reflect this. And, I mean, that’s probably one of the reasons many of us write detailed metas of Supernatural and don’t bother with other shows - because in other shows, the significant stuff tends to happen out in the open, but here - here there are very important moments we just miss, and the longer the show goes on, the less clear it is what their reasoning is.

Now, in regard to Toni, I believe this is the first problem: if you want a character people will be interested in, and especially if you want a villain your audience will be invested in, then you need to make time to show us who they are and why they act the way they do. With Toni, the finale made it pretty clear that they meant to build a kind of ‘mothers’ parallel between her and Mary, and she made sense in the narrative for a whole string of other reasons (the class conflict and Sam’s history with unsuitable women being the most obvious ones), but, again, those things needed to be developed. Instead, what we were told about Toni (rich, used to go out with Ketch, has a kid, smart, skewered moral compass), Ms Watt (good with weapons, likes tight buns and blowtorches) and the BMoL (ends over means, Kidz Fight Club, seems to employ very questionable people, kickass accents) remained superficial and stereotypical, and here’s your vicious cycle - the less time you’ve got to develop a character, the more 2D they’ll be, the less the audience will want to see them, the less room you’ll have to make them more interesting.

(That applies to friends and allies too - but to a lesser extent, because we want to like friends and allies in a way we don’t enemies and opponents.)

2) Buckleming

Another problem Toni had is that female villains are much less redeemable than male villains, and that’s just a fact. We expect, or we demand, women to be - kind. Maternal. Sweet, even. The fact men will, on occasion, give in to their demons is perceived as normal and therefore something that can be fixed, while a woman fucking up, or being deliberately cruel - yeah, that’s too much and we lose interest. Supernatural knows this well - let’s call it the ‘Bela effect’ - which is why they should have known bloody better. Like, if they wanted Toni to stick around, they shouldn’t have let Buckleming get their hands on her. Because here’s another open secret: torture is forgivable; sexual abuse is not. It’s just one of those things, isn’t it? I’m not saying that’s right or wrong; it just - happens. And here, well - there’s no way to be sure - but my general feeling is, Dabb told Buckleming Toni was supposed to hurt Sam in some way, and left it at that: the ‘is rape reeeeeaaaally rape if it’s filmed in candle light, though?’ action was all Buckleming, because this is how they write and this is what they like. And knowing what we know of Sam’s history - knowing he’s probably not forgiven himself for ever trusting Ruby - what they had Toni do to him was unforgivable. Not to mention this fact that female characters have to be connected to sex, and have to get naked - like, it’s 2017 and what the fuck? So, whatever - I don’t know if they do polls or read our blogs or anything like that, but as soon as that scene aired - yeah, that was Toni’s character dead and gone. No way any female character could have come back from that.

3) Everything is always about Dean, and why?

Another element is that the S11 finale was a promising way of giving Sam something to do in S12 - and that never came to be. Because, yeah, the frustrating thing is that Sam’s an amazing character, and Jared plays him well, and every season there are tons of things that could be made about him, and yet that never happens. The S11 finale was interesting in this sense because it played on so many different levels - to me, it was very chiasmic and dissonant (and that cleverly upped the ante), in the sense that Sam and Dean were paired with the exact wrong person. What I mean by that is: Sam is the one who would be unsettled by the psycho woman killer, because he’s been burned by that before, and he’s the one who’s always needed his mother back so he could finish building his sense of self. Dean, on the other hand - well, to him Toni potentially represented what he’s wanted his whole life: someone else in charge, someone who could solve this ‘monsters problem’ and finally allow him to retire and let go of this responsibility. Mary, on the other hand - as much as Dean worshipped her memory, as much as he did want her back, Mary was also a threat to Dean, because, you see - Dean’s played her role his entire life, so if she’s back, where does that leave him? And, just as importantly, having Mary back means dealing with his memories of John, something Dean really doesn’t want to do. In fact, for all the emotional drama that S12 stirred up, to me one of the most moving scenes, a moment I really found poignant and heartbreaking, was Dean trying not to talk about John - Dean staying behind long after his mother and brother had gone to bed, Dean slowly drinking himself to sleep on the kitchen floor, like a small child, Dean turning over and over in his hands an old family photograph.

Ouch.

Instead, well, S12 didn’t deliver on any of that, because Sam, once more, was pushed to one side. What the real conflict was? Dean’s reaction to this whole situation. Dean coping with Mary being back, Dean frowning at the BMoL. Sam’s feelings were solved as uncomplicatedly as ever - when they were shown at all - which means Toni had to go, because she was a character meant for Sam, because Dean doesn’t do women, ultimately because -

4) Dean’s got a secret, and I wonder what it is (insert ‘we just don’t know’ gif)

Just kidding. We know what the secret is. Hell, I think there’s rocks on the freaking Moon who know what the secret is. Still, it doesn’t matter, because until it’s textual, it’s a secret, and it just sits there, weighing down every bit of narrative like a bag of concrete.

And here I feel I should say one thing: when I write ‘Dean doesn’t do women’, I don’t mean that in a sexual sense. I simply mean that Dean bonds more easily with male characters, and is normally paired off with male characters. Part of it are his daddy issues with John, and part of it it’s the fact he’s bi and there’s UST to play with when he’s associated to the right person, but, of course, there’s other stuff as well. In any case, S12 became Dean’s story almost at once, because every season always is, and that’s something else that doomed Toni, because Dean and Toni? Not gonna happen. Ever. And I don’t know if you watch Episodes (and if you don’t, you really should), but as I was thinking about this whole issue I was reminded of Matt LeBlanc (who plays himself, because this show is awesome) explaining to British screenwriter Beverly Lincoln why one of her main characters couldn’t be a lesbian. Here is the full quote (and keep in mind Matt is playing an asshole, so disregard the slur):

“There’s something wonderful about your character loving this woman he can never have. He refuses to believe that one day she won’t come around. I mean, yeah, it makes him look a little foolish, but it’s funny and sweet. It’s one of the best things in the show. It humanizes the guy. You totally feel for him.”

“Then why change it?”

“How many years did you do the show in the UK?”

“Four series.”

“That’s how many episodes?”

“24.”

“Right. That’s one season for us. Friends did 236 episodes. You’ve got to give yourself places for stories to go. How long do you think Ross and Rachel would have lasted if Rachel had been a lesbian? Or Sam and Diane on Cheers? Or Frasier and…I don’t know who. I never watched that show. Look, you’re the writer, but I’m telling you…Audiences need something to root for. And when we’re in season 3, and you’re up at midnight, looking for stories, you’re gonna be banging your head against the wall, saying, ‘How many times can this guy hit on the dyke?’”

Again, Matt is often gross af on that show, but I think this is an important point: UST is something that keeps you right the fuck there, and keeps you the fuck watching. Chemistry between your characters is important. And Dean - Dean doesn’t have that with women. For whatever reason, he just doesn’t. It’s not like they never tried to go there - lately, they tried it with Amara, but it really didn’t work, just like it didn’t work with Jo back in the day. Compare and contrast with the effortless, possibly unwanted intensity there is between Dean and a number of male characters - think of Benny, of Victor, of Crowley. And I’m thinking maybe the problem here is that Dean is uncomplicatedly easy to please in this department - he’s a good-looking guy, he’s a smooth talker, and he’s not looking for the love of his life - either because he feels like he doesn’t deserve anyone or because he assumes he’ll be dead in a week, anyway (which one it is generally depends on his mood) - this means he won’t obsess over women like some other men do. In fact, he doesn’t care about that at all. No, just - when he’s got time and he’s not too blue, he’ll try and talk someone into spending the night; if it works, great, and if it doesn’t, let’s move on to someone else. Whatever. Men, though - that’s another matter completely, and that’s why, I think, Dean is mostly associated with men in a way Sam is not. Because Dean and men - there’s conflict there. Dean is desperate for approval, he wants to be liked, and as I said, that stems from issues he had with his father, sure. So he will automatically be more tense around men than he is around women, and if you take his sexuality into account - yeah, there’s your UST, and that’s how your audience keeps watching - because consciously or subconsciously, they can see the tension there. There is where the story gets interesting. Dean and Henchwoman n.1 - yeah, maybe two minutes of comedy or whatever (which is what we got when Ms Watt beat him up); but Dean and Ketch - uh uh.

5) The American dream

And finally, the problem they had with the BMoL is that same problem plaguing many American movies and shows: they write villains badly, because they normally stick to their tried-and-tested ‘lovable maverick defeats evil empire’ narrative - something that has its roots, I think, in Westerns and has since spilled over even in official government propaganda. Like, how many times have we heard that the US defeated the Nazis through sheer bloody-mindedness and personal honour and adorable disorganization? Uuuuugh. Historically, that’s complete bullshit, but it’s also bullshit that’s been repeated so many damn times we find it comforting and soothing, which is why we love stories centered around this trope. And Hollywood is more than happy to deliver: basically every Harrison Ford movie and every Tom Cruise movie and most WW2 movies are about the exact same thing: a small group of ramshackled heroes taking on an organized, efficient organisation - and winning.

Now, the problem with this trope is that in reality, it’s highly unlikely that you can defeat a group that’s more organized than you are and has superior technology. Look at the Celts: we estimate the Romans killed about one million of them - and, on the whole, it was an easy victory. Caesar barely got any political credit for basically offing every life form North of the Alps.

(To me, a second problem of using that narrative over and over and over again is that it promotes a sense of distance between citizens and any kind of organized power - and we know that distance is a problem in the US, where many people legit believe they’ll have to defend themselves against the federal government at some point - legit believe that they can win.)

From a screenwriting point of view, what this means is that if you’re using this trope in your story, you’d better write something that’s 100% solid and perfectly explains why the hell your ragtag group of heroes can actually win. I don’t watch a lot of war movies, so not a lot of examples come to mind, but something that could work is the Indiana Jones answer - the Nazi armies are well-organized and all, but individual soldiers have no sense of initiative and those at the top are too greedy for their own good; and our hero, well - he’s Smart but also Humble, and that’s why he picks the wooden cup and also knows better than to look inside a magical God box. And here we go back to point 1: in order to make this trope plausible, you need to spend time on your enemy and show why, exactly, they can be defeated by a Lionhearted Lonesome Cowboy - but since Supernatural wants to stick to its ‘two brothers show’ model, we never knew enough about the BMoL to make the narrative convincing, hence the contradictions that you mentioned. They would have liked to write about Sam and Dean defeating a perfectly organized supranational entity which has managed to wipe out all the monsters in the UK, and that’s what they wrote in the S11 finale, but what actually happened in S12 is that they needed to turn up the ‘idiot button’ all the way to ‘high’ to explain why the Winchesters were able to defeat the BMoL almost on their own. And that’s how you explain Ketch not killing them all when he had the chance, Mick mixing up feet and meters, this all-powerful group sending over, like, four people to control an entire continent, those unexplained, illogical and tardive deals with Crowley (which, seriously, wtf), and the fact they kept the Winchesters alive in the first place when all their research had shown both of them were incompetent, dangerous, independent-minded and plain pig-headed. None of it makes any sense.

So, here you go. To me, that’s basically what ruined S12, because many of the same issues can be applied to how they butchered Mary’s character, to the plot inconsistencies, to the bizarre way Jody shows up and disappears, and, of course, to Lucifer being the farce he is, to Crowley dying the way he did, and to Cas rivergambling his way around. The framework Supernatural’s using is not bad, but it was conceived for the first five seasons of this show, which were telling a totally different story, and that’s why they should have the courage to change it.

#ask #spn meta #spn season 12 #toni bevell #dean is bi #some criticism #warranted i think #but look!#no ranting!#:)

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betweengenesisfrogs · 8 years ago

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OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me? TT: Will I just cease to exist? TG: i dont know TG: i mean your whole timeline will TG: maybe TT: Maybe? TT: Is there a chance it'll continue to exist, and I'll just be here alone forever? TT: I'm not sure which outcome is more unsettling. TG: the thing with time travel is TG: you cant overthink it TG: just roll with it and see what happens TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded TT: What do you think I should do? TG: try going to sleep TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen TT: Ok. TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word "self" and still understand what we're talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.) Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending. Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

#homestuck #off the cuff homestuck thoughts extravaganza 2017 #homestuck meta #homestuck theory #homestuck analysis #The Ultimate Riddle #dead marios #ugh why is tumblr basically unusable #pictures and text can go together TUMBLR #GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER IT'S 2017 WE HAVE HYPERCOMICS #HOMESTUCK COULD TEACH YOU A THING OR TWO ABOUT COMBINING MEDIA

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yoshi4sushi · 7 years ago

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(purupurupuru) (purupurupuru) (gocha!) (coo!) (coo!)

Happy! Happy Monday! I hope everyone is ready to get back to school or work. Summer break has come to an end so we must get back to our daily lives, but they don’t have to be boring. Fall is approaching, and we have oodles of fun events and goods to share with you so you know the drill. First off, last week’s chapter was bizarre! Pudding keeps going on/off with her bipolar disorder of either helping the gang or just wishing them for their doom. Chiffon however is trying to keep from going nuts, and to stick with the plan to help them. Chiffon requested Sanji to help her and Pudding to make a cake that will definitively put Big Mom at ease from her eating disorder. He agrees with her plan and tells Luffy that they’ll meet soon once they’re done with the cake. Will Luffy and the gang be able to hold off on their own while the chefs make the cake? Let’s see what happens this week. This past weekend’s episode is emotional. Sanji gets the haze welcome treatment from her rotten brothers as he can’t help but remember how his dad and siblings were belittling him for not being a strong soldier. Now, his dad faked his death so that he can lock him up so he doesn’t have to bear the shame of dealing with him. GUA! Such a cruel parent. Next time, Luffy continues fighting Cracker, and Sanji’s past continues when he was still a child. Don’t miss it! Now on with the goods! (Ding!) (Dong!) Now who could that be? GUA! Tongari-san! Please come in! Let me get you some cold tea. The boys are taking a nap so please forgive them. So what’s the buzz going on at the tower, my friend? Tongari-san says that fall is gonna get spooktacular! Halloween is coming, and the tower have some awesome cool events and goods coming up sooner than you think. First off, they’ll have a costume contest: one for kids under 12 and one for kids over 14 and above. They’ll have prizes for runner ups. First prize will win a trophy, goods, and park tickets. We’ll leave a link with details. Next, what is fun without some navy soldiers running to arrest priates! If you dress like one, they’ll get you be sure to get away from them. Next, Sanji’s restaurant will be giving away new coasters if you order from the a la carte menu. One meal for one coaster, and it will be random. This time, they’ll have Ace, Perona, Zoro, Brook, and Marco. Moving on, so for the Halloween goods, they’ll sell buttons, badges, chocolate bars, folders, and blankets. The store will also be selling these adorable Tokyo Tower mini figuirnes of Luffy, Ace, Shanks, Zoro, Sanji, and Law in red color. This can only be purchase at the tower. The regular color will also be available at any Straw Hat store, but the red color is only at the tower. Also, upcoming birthday will be celebrated next month. I’ll give you a hint. First, one is a drama queen and a snake princess, and the other is a villain who is the master of sand. Yup, you got it. Hancock and Crocodile. They’ll sell buttons of them. Hancock’s b-day is on Sept.2nd, and Crocodile is on Sept.5th. Images will be released soon. The café will also have birthday dishes of them. It will be announced soon as well. Next, the tower will be having two photo session and this time, they’ll have Buggy and Puggy, and Luffy and Anne. They’ll give out tickets so you can get pics with them. A portrait cost 1500 yen. If you wanna get tickets for the pics, be the early worm to get the worm. The website will have details of it. Next, The Mugiwara Store will be celebrating its 5th anniversary. This year’s theme is the Wild West. YEE-HAW! RIDE’EM, COWBOY! To celebrate the anniversary, they’ll sell this package that comes with a towel, a PVC clutch bag, a pouch, and two buttons with Luffy and Chopper, and one with Zoro and Sanji. Also, for the anniversary, if you order more than 1000 yen, you’ll get some bromide character cards from the Straw Hats and others. Another thing is that if you buy over 3500 yen, not also you’ll get bromide cards, but you’ll also get a free eco tote bag with Luffy in it. I think they’ll also sell anniversary buttons as well, but we’ll let you know on that. Next, YAKARA will be selling the top 14 character buttons from the vote poll log from last time. More details will be released soon. Moving on, I hope everyone was able to watch the EAST BLUE special episode of OP. The DVD will be released on Nov.24th. Next, In October, OP and DB Super will be having a special episode. No details yet, but its rumored it could be another double joint episode of both anime. Don’t miss it! Last, but not least, the OP video game, Unlimited World Red, will now be on PS Switch and PS4. Check your local video game website to see if they have it or ask if they will have in stock. Phew! I think we covered everything. Tune in next week for more news and goods. Special thanks to Tongari-san for dropping by. I’ll let the boys know you dropped by. Thanks, my friend.

Tower events and goods: https://onepiecetower.tokyo/op_20th/halloween2017?lang=en

#one piece #merchandise #event

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rpgsandbox · 8 years ago

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Torg Eternity is a table-top roleplaying game based on the original 1990 version of Torg created by West End Games. It has been re-imagined and updated for the Near Now.

The "High Lords" came from other cosms—other realities—conquerors joined together to steal the Earth’s living energy…to consume its very Possibilities!

Each Reality Raider brought his or her own reality, or "cosm"...

...from the dark fantasy of Aysle...

...to the technological oppression of the Cyberpapacy...

...the savagery and exploration of the Living Land...

...the diabolical pulp villains of the Nile Empire...

...the Gothic horror of Orrorsh...

...the action and intrigue of Pan-Pacifica...

...and the terrifying, demon-ruled wasteland of Tharkold!

The High Lords impose their reality and transform everything within, draining the Earth of its Possibilities in the hopes that one of them will become an ancient and all-powerful being called the "Torg!"

Axioms and World Laws

Each cosm in Torg Eternity doesn't just feel different, it plays different thanks to its Axioms (Magical, Social, Spiritual, and Technological) that define what can exist there, and most importantly its World Laws, rules that reinforce the genre and trope of the place.

Here are a few examples:

Core Earth is a cosm of die-hard action and adventure.The Law of the Underdog allows Storm Knight player characters to use their Destiny cards a little more often--but only when they're outnumbered or at a disadvantage!

Aysle's Law of Enchantment generates magic items when characters get certain lucky rolls, granting them weapons, armor, or more powerful abilities!

The Living Land's Law of Savagery grants a Bonus Die to damage--if a character performs a risky All-Out attack!

Heroes in the Nile Empire use the Law of Action to spend additional Possibilities, improving their skill or attribute rolls and allowing them to perform thrilling feats that are near impossible elsewhere!

Earth is not defenseless. The player characters are "Storm Knights," heroes from all the cosms who fight against the High Lords. They use magic, technology, miracles, and even super powers against the Reality Raiders and their endless minions.

The Storm Knights are agents of the "Delphi Council," an international organization led by Quinn Sebastian to counter the High Lords and their many forces.

Join the fight and you can play a....

...monster hunter from Orrorsh armed with alchemical creations, magical medals, or a "Slayer's Gun" loaded with various bullets carved with cryptic runes...

...heretical cyberwitch, valiant priest, or resistance fighter decked out with stolen cyberware, battling the Anti-Pope in the technologically oppressive world of the Cyberpapacy...

...knight, wizard, or elf of Aysle, including the fantastic dwarven "Dragon Warriors" who wear armor forged with amazing enhancements and steam-powered devices of doom...

...hard-boiled hero of Pan-Pacifica or an "Electric Samurai" armed with high-tech "Ion Gusoko" armor and ion-charged katana...

...psychic survivor or irradiated scavenger of Tharkold, using Occultech against the cruel demon masters who once enslaved you...

...savage human of the Living Land accompanied by a saber-toothed cat, or a mystical edeinos who can call on the miracles of a fierce and powerful goddess whose interventions are very real...

...pulp hero of the Nile Empire, racing through the skies with a rocket pack or firing your ray gun at the dastardly shocktroops of Pharoah Mobius...

...stalwart Core Earther, a realm runner who can negate your enemies' powers or summon phenomenal reality storms to strip foes of their very Possibility Energy!

And so much more!

Characters of each realm choose from different "Perk" sets generally only available to certain realities. Every character stands out and is just as valuable as any other. Edeinos of the Living Land might have Death Claws, Star Eyes, or Whip Tails, for example, while heroes of Pan-Pacifica can call on Ki Powers such as Unflinching or Focused Strike.

Check out our updates for more previews of Perks and how they'll help YOUR Storm Knight resist the High Lords!

D20s and Bonus Dice

As with the original Torg, the central mechanic of Torg Eternity is a d20 roll on a "Bonus Chart." Rolls of 10s and 20s "explode," allowing another die to be rolled and added to get a result. Something new for Torg Eternity is that a high enough number on an attack generates extra damage from 6-sided "Bonus Die."

Possibilities

Storm Knights (and some villains!) have a resource called Possibilities they can spend to roll extra dice or absorb incoming damage, allowing them to bend reality to their will. More Possibilities can be earned by playing roleplaying, achieving objectives, or playing the all-new Cosm cards (see below!).

The Drama Deck

Initiative is controlled with the Drama Deck. Each card features a Conflict Line that grants benefits or hindrances to either side as the tide of battle ebbs and flows.

Players also have a hand of Destiny cards that help them pull off spectacular maneuvers or add new elements to the game.

Cosm cards are a new addition that help reinforce the World Laws and sometimes grant Possibilities or other advantages--though often with consequences!

If you're a fan of the original Torg like we are, you're probably wondering exactly what's changed. We stayed true to the spirit of both the setting and the rules, but this is a new edition from the ground up so there are definitely some big ideas in this gorgeous, full-color book.

Here are a few highlights:

Perks are a system for buying and balancing all those awesome special abilities characters have!

Characters from cosms like Core Earth now get their due, with unique Perk sets for everyone! Medals, Occultism, and Alchemy for Orrosh! Electric samurai in Pan-Pacifica! Cyber witches in the Cyberpapacy! Outsiders for Aysle!

Tharkold--right from the start!

Streamlined reality rules that make some of the strange edge cases a little more clear!

Edeinos are MUCH more savage and frightening!

Damage is simpler and doesn't need a chart. The change also fixes the "glass jaw" problem!

Interaction results are much simpler, with no chart needed!

Every cosm got an overhaul from the ground up, updating those that were out of date given the 30 years that have passed since the original game was released, refocusing some that had gone a little astray as the original game grew, and generally making each realm tougher! We had the luxury of all the development the original team did on the original cosms, so we consolidated some of the most beloved material and worked it in right from the start.

Kickstarter campaign ends: Sat, July 1 2017 2:00 AM BST.

Website: Ulisses Spiele US

#RPG #kickstarter #Torg #Torg Eternity #Ulisses Spiele

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rum-and-shattered-dreams · 8 years ago

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If Stan was Bill reborn, wouldn't that make everything that Stan went through even as a child deserved? If he was meant to learn kindness and love and etc, wouldn't growing up in an abusive household that he was ejected from be counterproductive? Stan started out as loving and kind, if a bit rough, before having that almost snuffed out by life on the streets that taught him he had to be the opposite to survive. And what's with Stan being a demon, while Ford's a god? More good/bad twin dichotomy?

(For anyone reading, this is in reference to this post. Also, I believe this was the original post on the theory and there’s a good follow-up explaining things here.)

My take on the original same coin theory -The theory was both intriguing and uncomfortable to me, at first, but I tend to end up thinking a lot about things that have aspects I object to in an attempt to decide if there is something I’m refusing to see because of my own limited perspective. (Hell, I objected to the Fiddauthor ship at first then became the first result in a search for the tag for a while after figuring out that my objections were for personal reasons that needed resolution...)In this case, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea that the same soul which ended up being as loving as Stan could commit such horrors and I still kind of can’t imagine it. But on the other hand, I am usually intrigued by a redemption arc that spans multiple lives and the idea that a new life gives you a different perspective and an absolutely fresh start with no baggage or lingering judgments from others for past mistakes (though I do also have objections there that mirror anon’s points but more on that later).General things - First off, as a disclaimer, this is all just throwing ideas out there for the fun of playing with them and I appreciate the feedback because it makes for interesting discussion on it :D. Also I don’t think any of this is or ever will be canon and TBH I’m perfectly happy with that.I definitely agree with the sentiments in the theory’s follow-up post in that, spiritual and metaphysical things are very personal and should be left up to interpretation of each individual so I don’t want to take that away from anyone in a real life sense. However, in a fictional universe, things could be defined within the confines of that universe without bleeding into ours since it’s merely the imagined perimeters to contain a story. That being said, I imagine in this theory that, as the follow-up post said, Stan is still very much Stan and in this expanded idea, the same goes for Ford, at least, within their human lives. I imagine they were born as blank slates with no memory of their past and no knowledge of anything more than the humans they are and what they have experienced in their human lives at this point in the story.The good/bad twin dichotomy - Actually, the X2 idea is meant to blur the lines of good and bad into grey area. It’s the idea of imagining that, even though a human’s knowledge is limited to what they’ve experienced in their current lifetime, a soul is so much more than its current form. Whether god or demon or human, that it is never a final product, that it is always learning and changing, making mistakes and redeeming itself, regressing and progressing, that a god can fall from grace and a demon can rise to it. And with the expanded idea, the thought was that the demon had some good somewhere and the god had some bad and that both needed to learn that they were more than they seemed by becoming something that is meant to house both good and bad, a human.The idea of deserving punishments - This is where my aforementioned objection comes into play. I don’t believe people/souls deserve hardships, but experiencing things from a different perspective can be enlightening. (I just can’t get behind the idea that it has to involve trauma.) Did Stan deserve to be homeless and to spend 30 years of his life desperately trying to get his brother back? Absolutely not. Did Ford deserve to spend thirty years traveling dimensions only to end up a prisoner to the one he’d been trying to escape and defeat? Nope. Did either of them deserve the heavily implied (and outright shown in the case of Stan being thrown out) abuse and neglect of their father? Hell no. But did they both learn things from those experiences? I think they did. They learned what it was like to be human in a world where things are unpredictable and unfair, where the actions of others can influence your own life and psyche, where if they, themselves, made mistakes there were consequences that affected others and that their mistakes could be influenced by the effect of others on them. They experienced what it was like to love, to lose, to win, to feel great happiness and great sorrow, guilt and compassion and a full spectrum of human emotions combined with how their emotions might affect others. Which brings us to...Stan’s experiences being counterproductive - Assuming he was born as the blank slate which became the Stan who loved and save his family, it makes sense that he was innocent and loving as a child but given a life without the experiences he had, his overall soul might not have grown. I think it was important that he kept a hold of that love even through the worst of times. The life he lived tried to harden and defeat him and there were times where he believed it had but he was stronger in the end, stronger than the crap the world threw at him, smart enough to see there was still good within his family.Bill was not. The crap the world threw at him changed him, at least, in that lifetime...This time, he won out against it. This time, he defeated the evil within himself. (And I still can’t really imagine them being the same soul... Like, trying to write that and think of it that way feels wrong to me but I’m trying it anyway just to expand my thought processes as a writer.Anyway, can you imagine how awesome it would be to defeat your past mistakes and literally punch them in the face, yourself? That would definitely be cool... And, to me, that thought process makes Stan pretty damn awesome. That he grew so much and was able to face his inner demon and shatter it...)As for Ford - I imagine in a “godly” past life, he was too judgmental and treated others poorly because of it and eventually isolated himself for fears of his own imperfections. As a human, he started on the same path but learned not to judge so quickly, harshly, and permanently, whether the judgment was good or bad. He learned that he’s quite capable of making mistakes which hurt others and himself and that he doesn’t have to fix them alone. He learned that no one is perfect but that they can still be good people, and, if no one else is perfect, he shouldn’t hold himself to that standard either, that if he made a mistake, it didn’t doom him to forever be unworthy of love. Or, there is a possibility that as a god, people feared him because of his status and he strove for perfection in an attempt to deserve love rather than fear but in his quest, he became jaded, judgmental, and cruel as he witnessed others with imperfections receiving love. If that’s the case, he managed to remain kind and retained his ability to care about the multiverse as a whole through his human life experiences, through the bullying and betrayal even if he denied it at times and had to remind himself he was supposed to be mad at someone. And that, too, would make Ford the stronger form than his potentially sulking god form.final thoughts - I don’t actually believe any of this, it’s just fun to think about and challenges my own views and opinions.

#thanks for the ask!#Interesting discussion points #gravity falls theories #same coin theory #stanley pines #stanford pines #bill cipher #stan twins #blurring the lines between good and evil #Anonymous

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nandireya · 8 years ago

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Tale As Old As Time

So…I mentioned to my Kallura buds that I had this idea for a space version of Beauty and the Beast I’m also using it to dust off my old HTML skills…it’s been so long

Tale As Old As Time Prologue Once upon a time, a young prince lived in a shining castle… Well, to be fair, he wasn’t a prince and he didn’t live in a castle, it was more a shack in the desert… …and though he had everything his heart desired… EVERYTHING might be a bit of a stretch, but he did have a knife, and a bad attitude…and a killer hover-bike! That thing was awesome! …the prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind… Yeah, that bit’s actually pretty accurate. But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Yeah, he was actually kinda captured being all noble and stuff. And there was no gift. Unless you consider agonising torture a gift. Repulsed by her haggard appearance… I’m sure THAT at least was true… …the prince sneered at the gift, and turned the old woman away, but she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old women’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. We’re kinda getting off track here. This bit, yeah, not really what went down. No talk of inner beauty or transformations. That witch stayed her actual haggard self. I mean, quiznak, that’s even her name! Sort of… The prince tried to apologise… I’m pretty sure he spat in her face… I did not! I head-butted her in the face and broke her nose. Seriously? You really do have an impulse control problem, don’t you? …but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart and as punishment she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Yeah, jerk-face or not, he totally didn’t deserve what they did to him… Ashamed of his monstrous form… Oh, yeah, for sure… …the beast concealed himself inside his castle… Literally, he went into the ventilation system at times… Lance! If you don’t stop interrupting I’ll shove YOU in the ventilation system! …with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. Really? Try me. The rose she had offered, was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year. If he could learn to love another, and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then, the spell would be broken! If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time! As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast? Now let our story begin…

They may have captured him but they would never get into Black. He’d seen to that. He had ordered the lion to put up her force-field, not to let it down under any circumstances. He had left Shiro’s bayard and his Mamora blade on board, there was no way he was letting them get their hands on either of them. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t come out fighting. He sprinted down the ramp, it quickly slamming shut behind him, the energy-shield crackling and humming to life as soon as he was clear. He took a flying kick at the closest soldier and took up its weapon, opening fire as the rest charged at him. He knew he wouldn’t last long, there were just too many of them. But he was going to take as many of them with him that he possibly could. And as they began to overwhelm he took comfort in the knowledge that his teammates, his friends, his family, were safe. ~~~~~~ He awoke, he had no idea how much later, a cold metallic surface behind him, shimmering bands of energy around his wrists and ankles securing him to it. He wasn’t alone. Two of those creepy masked druids flanked the door. His armour had been removed, gloves and boots included, leaving him in only the black body suit. A third figure who had been hidden from his sight behind the upright table he was bound to came into view. It was strangely pretty for a Galra, if it wasn’t for the colouring Keith would have doubted the being even was a Galra. He, something told the bound paladin that he was indeed a male, despite the fine features and long, silver hair, was holding his helmet in a way reminiscent of Hamlet and the skull of Yorick. Keith had no idea who he was. He didn’t care. He wasn’t giving this overdressed jerk anything. The door swished open and a hunched, hooded figure entered. This one he knew. Haggar. “Behold!” The pretty Galra said, theatrically holding the helmet aloft. “The Black Paladin of Voltron!” Haggar’s expression didn’t change. “This is not the Black Paladin.” She said evenly. “Is that hood effecting your vision?” He scoffed. “Do you not see the helmet?” He held it up again. “Is it not the Black Lion that we currently have under serious look and key in the bowels of the very ship? Both black. Ergo. The Black Paladin.” He gestured at Keith. “I don’t care what he’s wearing or what he was piloting.” Haggar snarled. “I know the Black Paladin. I am on quite close, intimate terms with the Black Paladin.�� She stalked towards Keith as she spoke. “He was my masterpiece.” She curled her lip as she looked upon the pale-skinned, dark-haired boy. “This is NOT the Black Paladin.” She said haughtily, turning her back on him. “Unless…” She turned back, eyes narrowing. “You lost him.” She surmised. “Probably the same time we lost our Emperor. And you stepped up.” She leaned in close. “So which one were you?” She mused. “Red, green, yellow or blue?” His only response to her question was to throw his head, the only part of his body he could actually move, forward, his forehead connecting solidly with her nose. He smirked as she staggered backwards, her hands going instinctively to her face. The pretty Galra chuckled. “Oh, he’s a feisty one.” Keith could hear the grin in his voice, as Haggar pinched her nose, studied the blood on her fingers for a moment, before flicking it off. “The Red, then.” She said, stabbing him quickly in the side, sharp nails tearing through cloth and into flesh. He winced as she pulled back her hand, far more of his blood dripping from her nails than he’d brought forth from her nose. “The Emperor has quite an interest in you.” Keith frowned slightly at her use of present tense. Zarkon was alive? Incapacitated most likely, but alive. He closed his eyes, trying to keep his expression neutral. They’d lost Shiro for nothing. She crossed the small room, stepping up to a console in the corner. She let his blood drip onto what looked like a small sensor pad. It was quickly absorbed, and quickly analysed going by the cruel grin that spread across the witch’s features. “Interesting…” She purred, cold eyes focusing on the young paladin. “VERY interesting…” The pretty Galra walked over, twirling the helmet in one clawed hand, curiosity obviously getting the better of him. “Really?” His eyebrows rose as he glanced at their prisoner. “He doesn’t look-” But Haggar cut him off with a wicked smile. “Just imagine what I can make out if you.”

#voltron legendary defender #vld keith #vld lance #vld pidge #kallura

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ghostmartyr · 8 years ago

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SnK 89 Thoughts

“Someone once asked me if I had learned anything from it all. So let me tell you what I learned. I learned... everyone dies alone.

But if you meant something to someone... if you helped someone... or loved someone... If even a single person remembers you... then maybe you never really die.

And maybe this isn’t the end at all.”

The above is a quote from the fifth and final season of Person of Interest. If you haven’t seen it, don’t worry; I’m about to quote something else that maybe five people will recognize. Also it doesn’t matter much. I just ran into a snag with coming up with how to start this post, so I went with the old-fashioned method of taking someone else’s words.

For the other quote, I have something not nearly as long or haunted.

“I will remember those who have been forgotten.” --The Stormlight Archive

Throughout the series, one of the recurring plot threads that I’ve been perfectly happy to ignore is the one that touches on the subject of memory.

Humanity has no memory of life beyond the walls.

Titan transformations interfere with memory.

Grisha tells Eren to learn to use his powers from the memories of others.

Frieda regularly wipes Historia’s memory.

Eren and Historia both have dreams of incidents that their waking selves can’t remember.

The cavern built by the Founding Titan, combined with the touch of royal blood, allows for the recovery of memories.

To an unknown extent, nomming a Titan can transfer their memories to the power’s recipient.

Memory has had a part to play since the very first volume. Most prominently in its absence. There’s enough amnesia going around in the series to get a soap opera up and running. Haunting every step our heroes take has been the knowledge that someone has the answers to this world, and they’re out of reach.

First, it was the basement. Grisha.

For a little while, Ymir, as one of the few big friendly giants they knew.

Next came the Reisses, with the introduction of the Founding Titan.

Eren slipped into that same arc, holding the Founding Titan but unable to access large swathes of its capabilities because he doesn’t have the blood for it.

As a metaphor, it’s already pretty nifty, but the literal truth of the situation is that the people who can provide the most help are dead, but never truly forgotten. They are remembered.

Grisha remembers his sister. He remembers Eren Kruger. He remembers Dina. He remembers Zeke. He remembers a world the common citizens of Paradis have never known. He does everything he can to pass on that knowledge.

The Reiss family sacrifice one member every thirteen years to keep the Founding Titan’s memories alive within their house. In turn, the Founding Titan remembers its hosts, keeping them alive for whoever comes next.

The Survey Corps doesn’t have magic Titan powers as a tradition, but they follow the same principle, as put forth by Erwin before his dying charge:

“Those brave fallen men and women! Those poor fallen men and women! The only ones who can remember them... are us, the living!! So we will die here... and trust the meaning of our lives to the next generation!

That is the sole way... we can rebel against this cruel world!”

And before any of that, there is Mikasa.

“If I die now... I won’t even be able... to remember you.”

People finding their reason to keep fighting has always drawn fiction’s attention. Angst calls to a lot of writers, as well as readers, and loss is such a universal concept that of course it’s going to be covered in all its gory detail long after everyone is sick of death.

When Mikasa loses Eren in Trost, you can see the light go out. You don’t really believe she’s going to die, since hey, we’re a protagonist down and she just got a flashback, but everything we know about her says that this feels like an insurmountable loss. She has Armin, but in her head, all she knows is that her family’s gone. Again.

It’s a tragic sequence in either medium you go with. I’m partial to the anime, because I love the music cues in that scene.

Then, as the story requires, she finds her way back to her feet.

Everyone remembers the line about the world’s beauty and cruelty, as well they should. It’s a beautiful line, thematically perfect, and come to think of it, Mikasa should probably get a medal for how well she introduces the prominent themes of this work.

When she makes the decision to live, however, it’s rooted in Eren’s memory.

That always felt a little weird to me, so it’s more memorable than it already was. She continues with lines about fighting, and winning (I think I said this last month, but just because Mikasa was only following Eren to the Scouts doesn’t mean she doesn’t belong there as much as any of the other chaotic dreamers), but the sticking point is wanting to remember Eren.

He’s dead.

His memory shouldn’t be.

This is the scene in the anime that forever sold me on the series. Back then, that particular line was more of an odd fascination than anything else, a touch of uneven humanity buried under the other phenomenal moments--Mikasa missing Eren, but loving him too much to let go of everything he is to her.

Just like their first meeting, Eren keeps her alive long enough for her to find herself, and what she’s willing to fight for.

So we have this incredible scene, and volumes and volumes later, it’s only now that I fully appreciate how tightly woven together all of the important moments are.

When you think about it for a fraction of a second, everyone is constantly dying in this series. Often not people we care about, but there’s a lot of death.

With so much of it, it makes sense that the memories of people they hold dear have so much power. They’ve learned to make the most of life, and that includes the pieces that come after death.

That’s the romantic view of it that really has nothing to do with Titan powers.

Now, on the subject of Titan powers, Eren’s managed to fall through one barrier of being an incomplete Founding Titan holder; he can relive the memories of stories he’s already familiar with.

That... is far from where we want the kiddo to be.

Before this extended flashback sequence with Grisha and Kruger, Eren’s memory troubles were primarily devoted to his father murdering an entire family, being eaten, the injection that was the focus of both those things--and a random shot of Frieda brushing her hair.

It’s difficult to tell how much of that flash to Frieda is a narrative cheat. He doesn’t remember it afterward. It does come after Historia recites her sad backstory to the class, but Historia doesn’t remember her sister at the time. Eren could be having headaches and leaving out all sorts of people, but we’re only going to see the relevant ones.

Still, Frieda’s the only one of the bunch that Eren doesn’t have a clear link to, and she shows up during a time where everyone is discussing the significance of the Reiss family.

That would seem to imply that the memories of the world that Eren is carrying around respond to outside stimulus. Which I guess we already knew because of the cavern and the touching, but there, we were given specific, mystical reasons. This seems more down to earth.

Making it less helpful, naturally. It’s not like they can go to Marley and kick off yet another kidnapping arc, only with them as the kidnappers, and hope someone says something that unlocks another chapter of Eren’s memory books.

Which would be why royalty’s back in play in the main plot. One day I might get to that portion of the post.

Getting back to the pages that spawned all of these words no one cares about, to the surprise of me, Kruger’s last words to Grisha are some of the most interesting in the chapter.

Kruger and Grisha have no idea who Mikasa and Armin are. Kruger is unconcerned, having been dealing with magic in his head for quite some time. He assumes that they’re the carry-overs from someone else’s memories.

This is where, if you wanted to, you can make it really convoluted.

Hiiii.

Reincarnation has been a fun theory ‘round these parts for a while, with the taunt of Ymir’s name only inspiring more detailed versions.

We now know that even if Ymir is Ymir’s reincarnation, no one actually believes that to be true--anymore.

Someone was still willing to present her as such, and believed in her enough to feel betrayed when he believed himself to be wrong, so it’s fair to say that some number of Eldians are willing to believe in their god being reincarnated. All things considered, that doesn’t really mean anything, because this manga is willing to let people believe all sorts of things.

But in the same chapter, we have a bitter old guy telling his predecessor that they’re doomed to repeat a horrible history again and again, and thinks of Mikasa and Armin’s existence as a memory, not a premonition.

So like. If you wanted to, a case could be made for and EMA reincarnation trio getting consistently roped into this, sometimes accompanied by Ymir.

A safer bet is probably just that super special awesome Titans have premonitions in addition to remembering everyone who ever was, and assume that those premonitions are things that have already happened, not things that will again.

Honestly, this is something that doesn’t interest me that much. I’m positive that this has something to do with why Eren sees an older Mikasa in his dream as a child, but what it means is still up in the air.

The straightest line through the plot is that Kruger is seeing through Grisha’s eyes before he gives Grisha the serum, seeing what Grisha will say when he passes it on to the next Eren. Supporting that is that this Eren has no clue who Mikasa and Armin are, but Grisha certainly does at a later point.

Future vision is always the simplest answer.

But like I said, if you want to bring the reincarnation madness--you have a very clear invitation.

Anyhow, as uninterested as I am in... large portions of that, the part right before Kruger brings up cycles of suffering is what I like.

“Make a family. You need a full household once you enter the walls. [...] Your wife. Your child. Even someone on the street. It does not matter. Love someone inside the walls. If you can’t, we’re doomed to repeat it all again. The same history. The same mistakes. Again and again.”

At first it sounds like Kruger’s telling Grisha to run off and get hitched and make babies, but the rest of the discussion makes the blood component secondary. It isn’t a matter of making children; it’s a matter of family.

Make a family.

Love them.

That’s the way out.

Grisha finds Carla and has Eren, but he also has Mikasa.

Eren and Mikasa have Armin.

The three of them have the 104th.

The 104th has the Survey Corps.

If you look at what happens to the mainland Eldians at the time of Grisha’s transformation, you can see the difference. Kruger watches dozens of his people die, participating in their deaths and torture for the greater good. Grisha loves his wife, but sees his child as a tool.

Love doesn’t bind these people together. A shared cause, sometimes, but Kruger doesn’t watch Grisha lose everything and hug him, or help him through it. They’re callous and straightforward.

I don’t know if Kruger is being literal or figurative about the cycle their world is stuck in, but the Survey Corps has started a broken kind of family. Somewhere inside all of the hard choices and death, there is love. There is a group of people who will fight for each other.

With the politics involved, I’m sure nothing can be that simple, but their hearts are all in the right place. They aren’t so consumed by their cause that they’ve close themselves off to everyone. A good portion of them still cry over killing traitors.

It seems safe to assume that Grisha has not designed the perfect battle plan, but he loved Eren, and Carla, and Mikasa, and whatever cruelties followed, that love has done them a lot of good.

It could turn out to be more significant than that, or it might not. We shall see.

Though know that if it turns out that the main plot truly is reincarnation madness + time loop that can only be stopped through the Power of Love...

...

I’m... not actually sure I could be upset if that happens. It sounds amazing.

Basic point: A family can be an Eren, Armin, and a Mikasa.

Moving on to something besides the last three pages now, we scurry back to Mikasa and Eren getting special treatment because they make up a fifth of an entire military branch.

There isn’t much to say on that topic; keeping the kids disciplined is good, but everyone involved knew that the punishment wouldn’t convince them out of fighting for Armin, so they might as well move on and do something productive.

Levi and Hange bickering is life, though.

Even if they’re temporarily going with the, “We’ll just let our main weapon be crazy and call it puberty,” line. I don’t think either of them believe it, and everyone’s going to have to sit down and have the memory discussion at some point (wherein Eren will realize that he fails at lying), but for right now, I think Eren’s potential lack of stability is a discussion for a less hectic day.

Drifting back over to horrible things, Mikasa is... doing about as well as one might expect during this phase of the “My family is all going to die again,” arc.

Mikasa’s tell when it comes to family worries is always holding her head in that way. It happens after Carla’s death, and it happens after Reiner and Bertolt successfully steal away Eren.

Armin and Eren are--okay, Eren’s probably right for once about emotions. I don’t think things have fully sunk in for them. Mikasa, though, is living out her worst fear again. Trapped in a cell by herself, she only has herself. She can make do with that, but she never wants to, and she certainly doesn’t want to be forced into it by losing the people she loves.

Whenever Isayama decides to make Mikasa the focal point of an arc (I refuse to believe it won’t happen), things are going to be rough.

Other horrible things include the entire world not being a safe place for Eldians. No one wants people who can turn into giant monsters around unless they can be useful, and even then it’s a stretch.

So we’ve gone from our heroes being locked inside a series of walls, surrounded by monsters, to those monsters turning out to be their own people, to their own people often being monsters, to other people, but still humans, definitely being monsters, and really, it’s a much worse monster problem than anyone had planned for so what do.

Presumably, it’s things like this that led to the First King locking everyone up in the first place.

The nice thing about this flashback sequence is that we have one very simple solution for the Reiss/Fritz situation: The King likely changed his name.

Now, whether that’s actually true or not remains to be seen, but for the time being, everyone’s running with there being one royal blood line, and it not being at all weird that it’s now the Reiss line, not the Fritz. And considering new plot developments, there’s probably not much reason to look accusingly at the situation any longer.

Royalty is royalty by whatever names they dream up for themselves. That’s the story.

I think the most interesting piece of the flashback is that the First King made a vow with the Founding Titan. Somehow, he managed to communicate with his own Titan, and forge a psychic promise that has lasted over a hundred years.

Does that mean that Titans are sentient inside their hosts?

Is that what Armin sees in his dream?

How much can they control the hosts without explicit requests or permission?

I’ve gotta say, even though his Xtreme Pacifism w/ brainwashing is obviously not something a person should be doing, and obviously disagrees with the theme of fighting to win, everything we hear about the First King makes me want another flashback arc.

Not right now. Geez, no.

But one obviously needs to happen.

It was funny enough when he dragged a bunch of his people to an island, locked them inside, told everyone outside they couldn’t have his toys or he’d set his colossal army on them and they’d all die.

Now it has the companion piece of him saying that maybe they all deserve to die if they can’t stop fighting for five seconds.

This person is clearly related to Historia.

From the outside, he’s obviously made some very sketchy, probably not altogether helpful moves, and played with the lives of people in ways he had no right to.

From a character perspective, this is a person who actually had enough conviction to break all tradition, kill anyone who could remember that tradition, set up a contingency plan for which the word “overkill” is perhaps designed, and did it all because he thought that everyone deserved to die if they abused their power--oh, and he also put in a safeguard so that for over a hundred years, all of his successors would find it impossible to color outside his lines.

No other character or group in this manga has been so ruthlessly effective. You can even scrap the ruthless part. This is an individual who used his hammer, made everyone else a nail, and called it a day.

While being scornfully judgmental.

In a peace-out kinda way.

This is where the story gets even more interesting.

The world is going to want our guys dead. They’re too dangerous to keep alive, and having Titans without the Founding one isn’t the prestige boost it once was.

The Founding Titan is the best protection they have against extermination.

Eren makes the leap fandom’s been making for months. The last time he made the power work, it was while he was touching a titan of royal blood (hey look, a reason for Kruger not to give the Attack Titan to Dina!). That might be how to trigger it.

There’s only one person left in that line.

She wouldn’t eat you, Eren.

This is about touch, but the positions are still neatly reversed. Eren’s making the same choice she does--for slightly less selfish reasons. The question is if everyone else can be okay with that, and whether or not Eren will be able to justify putting humanity at risk to keep his friend.

Or maybe he’s wrong about his guess, and he’ll just end up swooping around the woods with Historia on his back. She’s short, she could totally be a Yoda.

Mikasa, Armin, and Hange clearly know something’s up. Really, it’s all about how far they’re willing to push. Can they kill the Queen to save their people? Is it even necessary? Outside of necessity, is is an action they’d be willing to participate in?

We’ll probably find out!

Though Armin’s attention in particular makes me slightly antsy.

“I haven’t lived an especially long life... but there’s one thing I’m sure of. The people capable of changing things... are the ones... who can... throw away everything dear to them. When forced to face down monsters... they can even leave behind their own humanity. Someone who can’t throw anything away... will never be able to change anything.”

Hi, Armin from Chapter 27! Please don’t foreshadow unpleasant things!

Many things in the direction this story takes are unknown. We don’t know for sure what kind of ending we’re getting, or which message will prevail in the end.

Personally, I’m an optimist. Armin talks about throwing things away in the seventh volume. Way too many paragraphs in this post talk about how people have survived by doing the exact opposite.

I want to believe that if it turns into a battle of ideals, being better than the monsters will prevail. Forming families and loving them.

But boy howdy is this an uncomfortable playing ground to feature that in.

And that’s it from me.

Time to wait impatiently for the next month.

Oh yeah, Historia read Ymir’s letter.

I suppose I’m supposed to say something about that.

Right.

HOW THE HELL CAN ALL OF THIS FANFIC NONSENSE EXIST IN THE SPACE OF SO FEW PAGES.

Do you have any idea how long it took me to realize that this latest instance of Ymir being an overly dramatic idiot is actually canon? Sure, she jumps off towers into hoards of monsters, and makes up lies in the middle of kidnapping her girlfriend, but I’m choosing to believe that the translation is accurate in representing Ymir’s writing style of horrific floweriness to play off how sincere she’s about to be.

ALSO: “I am about to wow you with a romantic tale.

It starts with me starving to death and ends with me getting stoned.”

THAT IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP. STOP POINTING OUT REASONS WHY REINER DOESN’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND START WONDERING HOW THE HELL YOU HAVE ONE.

I’m mostly sure that this was done the way it was so that Isayama wouldn’t have to deal with too much Ymir speculation in the wake of revealing the ancient Ymir. The fact remains that Ymir plays up her tragic tale of woe as a love letter, and this is like a good third of why Historia has trust issues.

More seriously, this ties in to what the rest of the chapter wasn’t about, but I made it about: Memories.

Ymir believes she’s about to be very dead (we all have future vision now). She can pick what she tells Historia. She chooses her life. She chooses to tell the girl she loves, the girl she finally got to be herself with, all of the pieces that came before them. She tells her what she was. She glosses over all of the whys, and just tells Historia what she experienced.

She tells Historia the full truth about how they’re alike.

She tells her about her suffering.

She’s willing to admit that she finds the world incredible. All of her cynicism about what happened to her and how little it matters melts away, and all that’s left is freedom, and a life that she doesn’t regret.

Except for the part where they aren’t married.

You do not understand how much I enjoy Historia’s reactions to things.

Ymir gives Historia her whole history to remember her with, not just the parts they shared. She calls it a love letter, and brings up marriage so abruptly that no wonder Historia is confused, and while those are true expressions of how she feels, the romantic part of it is that Ymir wants Historia to know her. She wants to apologize, and let Historia know that them being incomplete is her only regret--and she wants Historia to know her before she’s gone. Even after she’s gone.

Historia’s the person she loves, and the person she wants to be with. She can’t be with her, but she can be remembered by her.

Yeah, that’s such romantic way to be SO UNBELIEVABLY UNHELPFUL.

Historia’s reaction is really the only correct one.

“You play it off the moment you feel embarrassed. How am I supposed to understand like this...?”

HOW ARE YOU BOTH SO BAD AT THIS.

Ymir, protip: stop bringing up marriage only when Historia is on the brink of tears.

Historia: SHE LIKES YOU.

I’ll admit to being dedicated to my belief that Historia does not have the first damn clue what Ymir wants from her, and this sequence really only makes that dedication stronger.

Historia probably understands Ymir better than anyone else on the face of the planet, but she doesn’t understand herself, and as a consequence, I don’t think she really gets how she and Ymir work, except that they do.

In the days before Ymir’s departure, Historia is still perfectly willing to believe that Ymir is only hanging about because of her family, but in the days after Ymir’s departure, Historia tells Connie in no uncertain terms that she knows Ymir. In the immediate aftermath of Utgard, she tells Hange that she knows her well.

Historia really does know Ymir--well enough to claim it as Krista, as Kristoria, and Historia.

That’s different from having faith in someone’s affection for you, and that’s where a lot of Historia’s confusion in their relationship comes from. On the one hand, she knows Ymir, and knows that she’s someone Ymir chooses to hang out with.

On the other hand, no one’s ever wanted her.

Ymir makes it more difficult by skating around her feelings so well that even when her glib remarks are serious, it’s hard to take them that way. She places implications of romance on either side of a story that’s clearly hard for her to let out. It can be read as lightening a heavy mood, or just the truth, and Historia is so terribad at trusting in a relationship that it’s like handing her a toddler’s slot toy and telling her the sdklj goes in the sdklj hole.

YOU’RE BOTH SIMPLE IDIOTS. STOP PRETENDING YOU’RE NOT.

I mean, that’s one facet of her response.

The other one connects to something a little further back.

“Ymir saw the real me… the me that chose the Survey Corps. The me that even I didn’t know about. But… after Ymir disappeared, I stopped understanding who I am… and what I want.” --Historia, 54

Ymir is still gone.

Historia has learned to understand pieces of herself, and she can be her own person, but the truth is that she only really feels secure in herself when she has Ymir, and Ymir isn’t here. Ymir might never be here again.

Ymir gives Historia her memories.

She doesn’t tell Historia who she was in them.

Ymir’s the only person who has ever had the ability to remember Historia Reiss correctly, and if she’s gone, and she never explains it, how is Historia supposed to know who that is? How’s she supposed to be the value the person she loves sees in her if she can’t recognize it?

These two have no idea what they’re doing.

They never really have, but they always knew that if they were together, somehow, that worked.

Now they aren’t.

The result is that we have the second time in the series that Historia’s tears actually fall. She tears up plenty, but the tears only make it past her eyes twice.

The first time is when he father hugs her, and tells her she’s wanted.

This is the second time, and it’s both cheeks, not just one.

Neither shot provides a clear view of her eyes.

That, obviously, is reserved for when Ymir and Historia are reunited.

(Let me have my dreams.)

Alright, having long since passed the point at which people will give up and go read something else, I... think that might actually be it.

Let the waiting commence.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 89 #Mikasa Ackerman #Historia Reiss #yumikuri #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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entergamingxp · 5 years ago

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Hellsinger is an ingenious mix of Doom and Guitar Hero, but needs a little tuning • Eurogamer.net

David Goldfarb, you might remember, actually wrote something here on Eurogamer once, about the big, wide-eyed “what if” questions that drive the creativity of developers. Metal: Hellsinger, the FPS veteran’s newly announced effort, is definitely a “what if” game. What if, it asks, you crossed the chaotic, arena shooting action of modern Doom with the rhythm and sound of Guitar Hero? The result is… strange. Metal: Hellsinger is an extremely unusual, rub your tummy and pat your head genre mix, but for better or worse it’s totally unlike anything else I’ve played.

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It also comes in the wake of Darkborn, Goldfarb’s studio The Outsiders’ first game (you might remember it as Project Wight) that was suddenly cancelled earlier this year. “It was rough, for a little while there,” he told me, when I asked about the decision. “We didn’t know how things were going to work out, or if they would work out at all, honestly. We’re lucky that things worked out the way they did and we found a great partner with Funcom.” It’s an unusual partnership – Funcom’s best known for publishing MMOs like Age of Conan and Anarchy Online, as opposed to the more traditional multiplayer shooters or single-player games Goldfarb’s worked on before – and how Hellsinger’s going to be monetised, in terms of whether it’ll be free-to-play like Funcom’s other games or not, wasn’t up for discussion at the time of our chat.

Without digging too far into it though, the reality is that it’s probably a marriage of convenience for now. “I’m gonna use a weight lifting metaphor,” Goldfarb said. “A lot of the lifting that we did, which was really hard in the beginning, I think we got used to it. We got strong enough to be able to just force up a fairly heavy thing and make it work. We got into shape, is the short version of it. And that helped us get to the next thing because we had learned all the things we could do wrong.”

It’s also, to go back to that question of “what if”, allowed The Outsiders to release something that actually sounds like a bit of a dream. “When I was thinking about this game,” he explained, “I was thinking about it in the context of other games that did stuff that I liked, but never put them together. So I would play Doom and listen to music that I really liked listening to – or even just the great stuff in [Doom] 2016 or whatever – but it wasn’t… like I would get to a point in the song and I would know it was that part. So I’m like, ‘Oh this is awesome’, and if I was lucky, I would kill a monster or something at that point in the song. But I kept thinking that the flow state that I want is a little bit different, because I’m also a giant Rock Band and Guitar Hero nerd, and that level of engagement is different for me than it was to play a shooter at a higher flow level.

“So I was thinking: there must be some way to do these two things together. And typically, I think – or the way that a lot of people have tried to solve it – is like the way Beat Saber solves it. You have a static rail shooter, basically. And then we did these things [in development], but we’re all shooter devs, you know, and so that didn’t feel good to do it that way. I want to be able to move around.” He cites a lot of other examples that come close – Doom but also games like Brutal Legend, but none of them quite scratched the itch.

The version I spent some time with is apparently “very early”, and so things are likely to change and tighten up. A single, linear mission with the odd area opening out a little into a slightly wider space, from what I’ve played so far it is also very Doom. You play as The Unknown, a sort of hell-angel looking Doom Slayer equivalent, with a cool skull for a weapon (which I believe is also the narrator, voiced by Troy Baker), and your task is to take down a big bad hell monster called the Red Judge (Jennifer Hale). Demons pop up, you slay them, you move into an area where progression is blocked off for a bit, a lot more demons pop up and you shoot them too, before moving on.

Obviously the twist here is the impact of the music, which from a purely technical position is pretty astounding. Around your aiming reticule is a little pair of brackets that act as a timing indicator, pulsing in time with the music. Attacking in time with the beat, and this little indicator, gradually builds up a multiplier meter. At each level of multiplier – 2x, 4x, 8x, 16x – additional layers of music come into play. So, when you start the mission there’s a fairly simple, toe-tapping bit of bass and drums, with some very low-key guitar chiming in. Go up to 2x by successfully attacking in time with the beat and you’ll get some rhythm guitar and more elaborate bass, 4x maybe another guitar, 8x a third layer of harmony and complexity, and 16x is all-out, fully voiced thrash. As Goldfarb put it, the “flow” of the game is built on you trying to reward yourself with more complex, layered music that kicks in at the right times. You get the heavy riffs, and the screaming vocals, and the double-bass drumming when you’re in the most demanding, intense parts of the game – but specifically when you’re nailing it. The badass music arrives precisely when you’re at your most badass.

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The other side to this, though, is that Metal: Hellsinger plays out better when you think of it as a music game first. It’s deeply satisfying, musically, but action-wise – and I should stress how early the game is still – things felt a little simple. The magic skull, your base “rhythm weapon”, zaps several demons at once if you’re near enough, and doesn’t require the most accurate aiming to activate. Get enough zaps and the demon in question will be stunned, letting you execute it for health (again, very Doom 2016), and you also build up an ultimate meter that, when used, stuns everything of any size in front of you, letting you chain a few executions and taking down big enemies in one. There’s a sword, and a shotgun, and a pair of fantastically satisfying duel-wielding pistols, but all of them are much harder to time with the beat and I didn’t feel a huge need to actually use them.

The shotgun, for instance, takes two beats for each pump between rounds fired, and even longer to reload, so it’s simpler to just keep zapping everything in sight at a much faster rate, keeping my multiplier and score high and the amount of my own mental energy required low. You can even keep tapping your rhythm weapon to the beat when there are no enemies around without consequence, which is great for keeping in time and generally keeping dialled into the music but, if I were being really cruel, I’d say it can at times also reduce the game to just pressing left click to the beat and moving around the space to stay alive. There needs to be a fair bit more incentive to rotate weapons, use the environment and even use my own ability to dash for the game to really sing, if you’ll excuse the pun, and for the biggest drops to kick in when you have a more ‘real’ sense of accomplishment.

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Like I said though, the music is the heart of this game, and it’s pretty sensational. The Outsiders and Funcom have managed to bring on board some pretty huge names from the metal world. Matt Heafy, frontman and rhythm guitarist of Trivium (who’s also become a regular streamer on Twitch), as well as artists from Arch Enemy and Dark Tranquillity were name-dropped in the presentation, with apparently plenty more on the way. As Goldfarb – a metalhead as you’ve probably guessed, who also contributed some lyrics of his own to the soundtrack – put it to me: “I one hundred per cent will go on record saying yeah, I think we’re making the best fucking tracks for this game for sure.”

As a bashfully lapsed metalhead myself, from the one track on this demo mission alone I find it very hard to disagree. But while the music’s there and it’s a genuinely fascinating premise, Metal: Hellsinger’s earliness is just showing a little for now. Metal’s brilliance is its complexity and its precision; the layers and the elaborate, unashamedly committed climaxes that give it that weird, juxtaposed closeness to classical music. Goldfarb clearly knows what it’s all about. “I wanted to make this weird, like, Paradise Lost album cover, with super hard music. I wanted to have vocals from artists that I admired, and I wanted us to figure out a way to build a universe around this that didn’t feel like it was a joke. But also didn’t feel like it needed to be reverent. So that the people that love that music feel like ‘Yeah, this is actually a world that I want to be a part of’.” Metal: Hellsinger is right on the money there. It’s committed, it’s earnest, it’s fantastically proud of the goofiness that comes with the territory without having to laugh at it. It just needs to weave a little more of the signature complexity into the gunplay itself.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/06/hellsinger-is-an-ingenious-mix-of-doom-and-guitar-hero-but-needs-a-little-tuning-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=hellsinger-is-an-ingenious-mix-of-doom-and-guitar-hero-but-needs-a-little-tuning-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

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bnrobertson1 · 6 years ago

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Chin Up, Algorithms

Greta Van Fleet is known for three things: (1) Shamelessly sounding like Led Zeppelin, (2) Getting critically shat on for shamelessly sounding like LZ and (3) being the cause of people attacking the music press for, you know, just not getting it, man.* I haven’t had the privilege or desire to meet the band of Detroit teenagers, but I don’t like the thought of these up-and-comers, who so clearly have the world by the tail, being down about the cruel nature of living in the public eye. So, I decided to encourage them the only way I know how: by giving them Pump Up Speech they’ve essentially begged me for **.

*Sample quote: “It’s like an awesome new version of Led Zeppelin and refreshing for people who (like myself) are overloaded with electro-pop and generic rap that is dominating the airwaves and Spotify streams.”

** in my mind

[SETTING: BACKSTAGE @ University of Phoenix Stadium. Although the stadium walls shake with blandly enthusiastic anticipation, the band is depressed after some especially rough reviews. The label has flown me in to get them in a better headspace before they go “shred” with Imagine Dragons in front 100,000 people in the desert. They await my arrival in their green room.]

BONGO DRUMMER (I’m guessing his name is Derrrbb) [flustered]: Well, the label said they’d…

SMASH. Before anyone even realizes the door has been kicked open, Derrrbb’s head gets hit with an unidentified object and caves in like whatever politician you don’t like being questioned by whatever politician you do like.

All are silent. There is a vacuum in the air that all present notice and appreciate, a calm before the storm heavy with some serious truth debris.

I stand motionlessly, a cricket bat (name: BAM BAM) dangles in my hand like a windchime. Finally, I animate. The next five minutes consist of me smashing any and everything that needs smashing. Vanity mirrors. SMASH. Two Man Harps. SMASH. Curling irons. SMASH SMASH SMASH. To add to the effect, my face is bleached with flour meant to resemble narcotics. Red dye, surprisingly sweet, is also on my face for even further dramatic effect, although it is mixing with the flour, making a fairly delicious combination that is difficult not to lick. I then remember I left all that fake drug crap back in my van, so we’re on the real deal, baby. My eyes start twitching as my pupils dilate. Fucking Great Van Fleet. I was saving all that for Frasier night at mom’s house. Oh well, might as well get this over with. Taking a slightly manic British affectation, I speak.

“Listen. Up. You. FUCKS!!!”

I find the closest “Eastern” instrument and spend close to half an hour tirelessly destroying it with BAM BAM into pieces so infinitesimal that it would be nearly impossible to prove that it ever actually existed. An Imagine Dragons’, let’s say, oboist(?) cries in the background, I tirelessly smash the Sitar out of its misery. Noticing I’m distracted with obliterating instruments, Greta Van Fleet’s lead singer slowly starts to gain some courage, finally speaking “Hey man! Th….”

“SHUTTTTTT ITTTTT,” I politely interrupt, picking up the lead singer, let’s call him Gene, by his VERY COOL “Indian” apparel, discus throwing him into the sun. I finally take a deep breath. Then another. Then I seethe for fifteen minutes before speaking.

“Perhaps, I should start from scratch. I’m here because your record label paid me enough a volcano-choking amount of dough to fly here and give you boys a pick-me-up because you’ve been down in the dumps with all this negative pWess. You know, a little pep pep. Maybe a pat on the noggin, a drink at me teet. And yep, boys, it’s been brutal. Look what it says here [picking up a stray computer]: ‘derivative,’ [I throw the computer at the regular drummer like a throwing star, it sticking in his head, killing him instantly] “vampiric,” [I just punch some dude for having a pube stache], “totally passionless” [I consider how many pounds of pasta a crazy busy Olive Garden goes through the day].

I continue. “And so what? Did you really get into rock n’ roll to impress critics. CRITICS!?! Some 45-year old cumrag making in a year what you do you do in a day selling your ‘Indigenous Peoples’ Greta Van Fleet Start Pack?’ Do you think for one segment of a second that one of those keyboard warriors wouldn’t change places with you? They’d floss with the bones of their young just to have one person applaud them out loud, much less a 100,000 at one time.

Full name: Indigenous Peoples’ Greta Van Fleet Start Pack* with individually numbered Bansuri

So what do they do? They talk shit on the internet like the true desperados they are. Real John fucking Waynes, this lot. ‘Oh, they’re just some product made by record industry focus group testing?’ Oh really? Well guess what else is- EVERYTHING. But there’s hope: all the stuff you get in return does not know the difference. Let me assure you, gentlemen, breasts and narcotics…” [and this point I disappear for 45 minutes. I return very, very excited to continue our chat].

“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH. Where was I?!?! Buildings! No. Oh Greta Van Fleet. So yeah like I was saying, your record label didn’t think they were signing the new Lou Reed or the new Daft Punk or fuck even the new Seven Mary fucking Three when they got you to sign on the dotted line. They just have enough data to know people like Led Zeppelin’s sound and to know that you fill that bill quite nicely. Sure, those Steve McQueen-esque critics may call you “derivative” as they take a break from their marathon love-making, but guess what- so is everybody who has ever used the word ‘the.’ Plus, derivative or not, none of you are in your sixties going on about Satanism and asking for stupid amounts of money, so the powers picked you. Plus you didn’t seem to have any pre-existing medical conditions. But don’t fool yourself: each and every one of you cash registers are just glorified human-shaped SONOS machines. Play these songs, get your paycheck, and then exhaust all of your senses- especially which ever one tells you to ever speak. I LOVE THE LIGHTS!

Anyway, boys, think about this: Your songs have been played billions of times. BILLIONS. Add that all up and that’s more time than the entirety of Mr. “I have a Graduate Degree Yet Make Less than $35,000” Journalist McFuckFace has been on this planet, or any other. Don’t let him sting you with limp-dicked insults, boys. You have won. Look at this [picks up $10,000 guitar]. And this [picks up a huge pile of vaporizers with both hands]. ALL THE VAPES IN THE WORLD! AND THIS! [I open the treasure chest full of jewels that is in the room for some reason. I take a few of the jewels out and starts rubbing them all over my body for, let’s say, 20 minutes.]

[I continue.] Critics get to be “smart,” you get to be “rich and famous,” which is another way of saying you get to be anything you want, except smart, which is overrated. Just ask the chess master who lives in the park next to my 9,600 sq. penthouse suite. He asks for the cheese on the wax paper of my morning bagel I’m usually far too hungover to eat. That’s the type who “know about music.” When you’re thinking about what type of ice sculpture Wedding 9 should have, he’ll be teaching a Community College Class about the “Evils of Capitalism,” and mates, he’ll know that truth as soundly as you won’t remember one fucking fact about him.

My point, my little gold mines, [I take the bassist’s face in my hands] my beautiful little gold mines [that’s not the bassist. I don’t care] is that none of this shit matters. We’re just here for a blip, so make it a boom. Who cares if “the right people” respect you? Or if that cute girl with the thick-brimmed glasses who keeps uncracked Pynchon nearby admires your mind? I’ve got bad news for you all: none of you are Thom Yorke. I also have great news: NONE OF YOU ARE THOM YORKE. You’re not doomed to spend your days thinking about the feelings of a vacuum cleaner replacement part or some shit. Embrace your inner hedonism- that is the true spirit of LZ. Not some stolen blues riffs and shark fucking (google it). Let your creativity run wild with how you put things in and out of your bodies. AND BECOME A GOD FOR IT.

So sorry, people will not be studying your album notes decades from now looking for clues into your genius or how the structure of some ballad is meant to mirror some fucking world ill. And that shouldn’t bother you one bit- worrying about how the future will consider you is for academics and people who think because their current life blows that it will somehow be championed in the future because they didn’t have the gall to do anything in the present. If they’re lucky they’ll get a paper towel made in their honor. If we’re lucky, that paper towel will be produced using child-labor and earth-destroying products. Nothing wipes the shit grin off their “sophisticated” faces quite like hypercriticism, and buddy, we’ll assure you there’ll be plenty of that.

So people are calling you just a rip-off of Led Zeppelin? Congrats, you’ve hit the gold mine. Now all that’s left to do is shine. Oh, you’re welcome. Now fuck off.”

As I start to leave, one of the band member’s asks a question about “authenticity” and whether I wondered whether aping the musicians who aped other musicians “problematic.” My brain- whose resting speed is somewhere in between a figuring out how to fly and a full blown aneurysm- weaponizes, liquifying all remaining members who are in the room. I take the liquid and make ceremonial “Energy Pendants,” where I put a drop or two in a vaguely “spiritual” rock (I call them ‘crystals’), selling them for $3,500 a piece. I become a millionaire and marry Kate Upton on the moon. Oh, and because I’m so well liked and wealthy, the actual Led Zeppelin plays the reception. They play a 14- minute version of “Kashmir.” It slays.

THE END

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