#everything about 'Self' / 'That Guy' confuses me right now and idk how to feel about it

[timeskip]

any chance you’ve read the “remember11 explained” wordpress? i honestly came to like the game a lot more after i did (mostly because when i finished the game i was just confused as hell LOL)

I did start reading it (namely the 100% tips and timeline are what I've actually read) but it was too late at night for me to properly read the actual analysis of it HHDJKFKJFFGGF I'll try to get around to that later though!!

It did help me understand the game a lot better though. Specifically everything about the Yukidoh plan, which... I know is kind of explained in bad ends but it's definitely not explained clearly!!! Also I didn't get every bad end and I don't really feel like digging for them just for scraps of information (though skipping through the game was surprisingly easy! Compared to other games I've played, at least), so if there's any additional hints, I'm not sure I saw them. (I should probably at least go back and play the Yukidoh plan failure route while answering "me" or "Kokoro" to the question before. I have a save that can take me there easily and if it gives more info that's even better)

It's simultaneously a good thing and a bad thing, I think. It makes the game memorable in that you DO need to put in the effort to read about it and understand what's going on, and I kind of like the continued mystery and the infinity loop... But also I feel a bit frustrated with it, that so much is left untouched.

I don't actually think I'd have liked the Yukidoh Sayaka stuff if it was in the game. I personally didn't get the tip about her in my save file and I'm not sure where I would go to get it, I was extremely confused when I read the tips and SUDDENLY SATORU HAS A SISTER??? So maybe if I actually got the ending (or something) where you get that tip, I'd have been more happy with it... But the idea is still rooted in a lot of my issues with Inubushi's writing, and it doesn't sit well with me even if it wraps the story up nicer.

Anyways, I'll try to read more of that blog soon!!! This game is FASCINATING to me for a lot of reasons both good and bad, and that's pretty neat

[fairyofshampgyu]

Been in a dom gyu brainrot lately I HAVE BETRAYED MY ROOTS IK IM A DISGRACE 😟😪 IT WONT LEAVE MY MINDHSJ ITS PAINFUL BUT ANYWAY SHORT DISCOMBOBULATED DRABBLE

Thinking about high sex w stoner boy beomgyu with piercings ! whose always known to get into some kind of trouble all the time, always mischievous and teasing and your friends saying he’s bad a influence on you and you shouldn’t hang out with him that much but you still do and don’t listen to them, always dismissing and saying you have absolutely NO feelings whatsoever and that it is PURELY platonic despite harbouring the most intense feelings for this guy sigh…😟 but you know he’s only trouble and probably doesn’t like you that way so you just kinda ignore it.

But one day you find yourself in a random quiet empty bedroom at a college party with him, sitting on the bed together as he smokes a joint and you both talk and laugh about random shit away from the mess of a party going on.

Beomgyu nonchalantly offers you his joint and you, slightly timid stumble and admit you’ve never tried it. Beomgyu only grinning at you, eyes lighting up at that and insisting that you should at least try, saying he really wants to get high w you and that it would be so fun with you, saying that he’d make you feel safe, it’d just be the both of you you trust him right? You’re good friends after all 🤷‍♀️.

And so you awkwardly take the joint, doing what he tells you to do, a bit nervous and embarrassed and still confused despite the simple introductions. Beomgyu chuckling at you and coming closer to you as he decides to just hold the joint for you instead and places it to your mouth, guiding you in and it feels way too intimate with the way he’s looking at you as well.

It doesn’t take long before the weed starts to kick in, both of you taking long drags and passing the joint round and you guys getting extremely high off your asses, anything and everything becoming funny.

“Heyyyy, heyy gyu. What’s shotgunning? I’ve heard it before idk what is is thoughh. What is it?” it’s a genuine curious question your stoned self asks and beomgyu’s eyes widen for a split second before he’s smirking widely and raising a brow at you.

“Could show you if you want~” And you nod your head rapidly, stoned self just so curious and innocent, it’s hard for beomgyu to contain himself.

He cups your cheek and comes even closer to your face, lips very lightly grazing at yours but enough that you can feel his snake bite lips rings faintly on you as he smugly puffs the smoke into your mouth, his eyes not leaving yours as he grins, hand still softly on your cheek, your mouth hanging open as you gasp loudly, not believing what’s even happening rn.

“Come on now it’s only fair you do it to me too right?” Beomgyu sits back, and stares at you, ego a bit too high rn as you hesitantly shuffle closer to him, feeling your face drastically heat up and you take a drag nervously, slowly inching towards him before beomgyu’s impatient self sighs and pulls you into his lap so sudden and harsh you yelp.

You take turns shotgunning, lips faintly touching but never enough, your brain and the room clouded over with curls of heavy smoke and weed as you breathe heavily and your face is still so heated up, eyes half lidded. Beomgyu finally pulling away and stopping, softly giggling and asking if you get it now.

Your baked ass then touching his lips, running your fingers over his lip piercings, eyes crazed and babbling about how hot you’ve always found his snake bites hot and beomgyu chuckling at that, both of you staring into each others eyes and looking down at your lips that he finds himself smashing his lips with yours, making out intensely but sloppily for what feels like hours, beomgyu hovering on top of you as his rough kisses start to trail elsewhere and you can’t help whimpering his name as he sucks hickeys and goes even further to your collarbone and his hands roaming practically everywhere, him still teasing you until you’re pleading that you need him so bad and right now.

Not even a breath later and he’s fucking into you with frantic urgency, not bothering to take either of your clothes off, settling for quickly pushing his baggy ripped jeans slightly down and pulling your panties to the side, lifting your shirt up so he can see your tits jiggling as he practically pounds into you erratically, hips smacking with yours as he moans even louder than you the entire time, rubbing his thumb over your clit, still making out with you and smelling the strong scent of weed from each other, still so dazed and both your minds fogged even more sensitive because of the drugs, everything feeling 10x stronger as he desperately tries to make you cum on his cock and it’s not long before he’s coating you too and fucking the cum back into you, fucking whilst stoned so messy

Then you wake up the next day, trying to remember what even happened, freaking the shit out and ready to run away any second, nearly leaping out the bed but beomgyu only pulls you in closer, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist so you can’t escape, sleepy and stupid grin on his face, mumbling about how he hopes you don’t regret it and that he definitely doesn’t

“Hmm~let’s skip classes today and cuddlee. You’re so comfy.”

“You’re always skipping classes, choi beomgyu.”

“So what?! You still like me hehe”

“When did I ever say I liked you?!”

“As if I wouldn’t notice. You’ve been giving me heart eyes for ages. It was cute loll. You were so bad at hiding it~”

[sicknasty03]

Seat Warmer

Pairing: Captain John Price/Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Price haven’t officially announced your relationship yet but everyone knows you’re together, except Soap of course. (And reader likes to be a bit of a menace)

Warnings: Slight NSFW (implied sexual themes), some cussing, possible ooc characters (I’m American trying to write characters who don’t have an American accent so please bear with me lol)

Author Note: This is self-indulgent. I haven’t written fics in years but I want more Price content. I don’t know anything about the military and I’m not great at making characters sound like how they do. Soap being oblivious is a favorite trope of mine, so is reader being a brat/menace to the team hehe. I’m also writing this on my phone so idk how the formatting will look.

Your day—no your week—was practically ruined. John said you were acting dramatic but you couldn’t help it, not when he betrayed you so.

You were the first to enter the mundane conference room on base where Price would be holding a meeting with his crew, Taskforce 141. The debrief would consist of important information for their upcoming mission.

While sitting down, a deep sigh left your pouting lips. You honestly felt a little miserable even though it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Gaz, Ghost, and Soap were the next to enter the room some time later. They all immediately took notice of your mopey behavior, but they didn’t make any comments. Gaz sat across from you, next to Ghost while Soap sat beside you.

“You alright?” Soap asks, feeling concerned about your unusual behavior. You just sighed and slumped forward, resting your elbow on the table and your head in your hand.

“I’m alright.” You said very unconvincingly, hoping Soap wouldn’t give up. Of course he didn’t though, he’s Soap.

“Come on lass, what’s on yer mind?”

You kept your eyes downcast as you replied in a somber tone. “Price got rid of my seat warmer. It’s not gonna be the same anymore.”

Soap furrowed his brows in confusion before glancing over to his companions for clarification. Gaz and Ghost looked just as confused—well more so Gaz, Ghost was hard to read when you could only see his eyes.

“What do ya mean Captain got rid o’ yer seat warmer? What’re you on about?”

You huffed a little in frustration. “Exactly what it sounds like Johnny. Price got rid of my favorite seat warmer and now it’s not gonna be the same for a while.”

“What won’t be the same?” Soap asked, his tone and body language expressing how confused he was.

Before you could respond, the door opened and in walked Captain Price, ready to begin the debrief. All eyes turned to him, except for yours as you already knew what to expect. The guys all stared in awe at the sight of their Captain with a clean shaven face as he walked to the front of the table and began setting his things up. Then the realization hit Gaz and Ghost as they gave each other a look, silently confirming their own suspicions.

Gaz and Ghost immediately glanced towards you, a small huff of laughter leaving Ghost as Gaz gave a small smile in disbelief. “You serious?” Gaz whispered in your direction. You stopped glaring at Price and turned to look at Gaz. You did your best to bite back your mischievous smile and solemnly nodded as you whispered back, “Worst day of my life”.

Price cleared his throat after getting everything set up and began the meeting right away. Everyone immediately got into professional mode as what was being discussed was highly important.

At the end of the meeting Price nodded and looked around, asking in a gruff voice, “Any questions?”

Soap immediately raised his hand. “S’not about the mission though, Sir.”

Price motioned for him to continue. Gaz immediately pursed his lips in disapproval, knowing where things were going to go.

“(Y/n) said you got rid o’ her seat warmer and she’s all bummed out but won’t elaborate past that, what’s she on about?”

Price pauses, a small look of disbelief flashes across his face before he looked over to you and raised his eyebrow in a slight scolding manner. You bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.

Price sighs and shakes his head. “Really, Sergeant?”

Putting on your best (worst) act, you smile innocently and bat your eyelashes at him. “What?” He gives you another disapproving look, one that should make you shake in fear but is actually having the opposite effect.

He unintentionally lowers his voice, further igniting the heat in your core. “Would you quit telling people people I got rid of your seat warmer?” His fingers make air quotes at the end of his sentence, making your internal situation worse as you focus in on his hands. “How many people have you told that to today?” He stands up straighter, crossing his arms across his broad chest. The stance almost completely distracts you from answering.

“I dunno, lost count.” You gave a mischievous chuckle.

Price gives you a heated stare for a quick moment before remembering there are others in the room. “I’ll deal with you later. All of you are free to go. Rest up and prepare yourselves for the next mission.”

Gaz, Ghost, and you began getting up to leave the room. Soap slowly stood up, confusion still written across his face.

“Uh, you never answered my question, Sir.”

Price gives him a tight lipped smile and walks out. Soap scoffs and throws his arms out to his side before letting them drop to his sides.

“Come on! Am I missing something?”

You step closer to him and place a hand on his shoulder. “Soap, I’m upset because he shaved his face.”

His brows furrow once again. “The hell does that have to do with yer seat warmer?”

Gaz groans and mumbles under his breath. Ghost had enough of the conversation and left.

You couldn’t help but laugh until your sides hurt. “Are you being serious Johnny?”

“Yes! I’m lost! I know it’s hilarious but give a dog a bone here, lass!”

You recovered from your laughing and wiped away any stray tears. “I don’t know, I wanna see how long it takes you to figure it out.” With that, you walked out, searching for Price so you can make it up to him for your mischievous behavior.

Gaz, taking pity on Soap, pats the Scottish man on the back and says, “Her and the Captain are dating. She was making a dirty joke.”

“Wait—they’re dating?!” Soap was genuinely shocked. “Who else knows?”

Gaz chuckled. “Pretty much everyone. It’s pretty obvious, they’ve just never officially announced it.”

“Wow. I seriously had no idea.” Soap shakes his head in wonder.

“We know. I kinda thought you would have figured it out by now.”

Soap just shook his head, and then he paused and that familiar look of confusion graced his face.

“Wait, where does the seat warmer fit into all this?”

Gaz groans and slides his hand down his face. “Soap, I told you. She was just being a lil shit, making a dirty joke.”

Soap just blinked at him, the confusion still apparent in his eyes.

Gaz grabbed the man’s shoulders. “Captain’s beard was her seat warmer. He shaved it off and now she’s winding him up.”

A few moments of silence fill the room as Soap tries to process what Gaz said.

“Huh…Oh…Oh.”

“Finally.” Gaz laughs and walks out of the room. Soap just stands there as he really thinks about it.

“Guess I’d be upset too.” He mumbles to himself as he finally takes his leave and heads towards the men’s barracks.

————————————————————————

Okay this sucked but thanks for reading!

(I didn’t proof read. i’m too tired to do that right now lol)

I love the idea of reader being a brat in a sense like this, and the idea of Price’s beard being considered a “seat warmer” lol, so if you’re a writer and want to write something of your own with this idea, feel free to do so. Just please tag me if you want cause I want to see everyone’s else’s takes on this!!❤️

[radical-boy-kisser]

Hihi!! this might b a bit long, sry 4 that :))). how do we/I tell if I'm a system? I've been doing A LOT of research specifically on osdd 1b, bc I fit most every symptom, but I don't like self diagnosing. on the other hand I don't have the resources to get diagnosed. I can list symptoms in comments if u guys need. but yeah we r really confused rn. sorry I keep switching in between I and we pronouns. Also we feel like my child hood wasn't traumatic enough to have osdd so I feel like we r making it all up!! anyways sorry this was a bad tangent! hope u hv a nice day :)))) /nfta

Hello!! Thank you for reaching out to me, but I will preface my answer with this:

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!!!!! I AM JUST A SILLY LITTLE GUY™️ ON THE INTERNET!!! PLEASE TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!!!!!!!

ALSO! ITS OKAY TO BE WRONG!! IM NOT TRYING TO SAY YOU ARE OR AREN'T A SYSTEM, BUT JUST TO ANYONE READING THIS WHO THINKS THEY MIGHT BE A SYSTEM AND IT TURNS OUT THEY ARENT THATS OKAY!!!!!!! YOU DISCOVERED SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF ANY WAY!!

Anyways, as a system I can list some of the symptoms I experienced before realizing I was a system and some now and if you relate to a suspicious amount then maybe that's your sign!! (Very very sorry if this is not enough/what u asked for 😭)

Also, self diagnosing is perfectly valid in this situation! Self diagnosing is valid when you don't have the resources and do proper and extensive research on the subject, and even more so with DID since so many people don't diagnose it, with some outright refusing to!

Here are some of the symptoms I experienced before realized I had funky people in my head :

• Gaps in memory, such as not being able to remember what happened the entire week, or even that same day. Especially more so for stressful/traumatic events. (Also just straight up not being able to remember most of your childhood. Again, assuming you're a system, you're not gonna think you had enough childhood trauma because DID is meant to make you completely forget that ❤️)

• Feeling like a completely different person. The first time I actually noticed I switched, it felt really intense and whenever I'd (wasn't ME, obviously, but I'm using "I/me" for the sake of simplicity) try to recall myself, it'd be a different person with a different name and physical appearance and such, and the name "Max" felt so distant and as if it didn't belong to me.

During the first times I'd switch when it first developed, I'd feel like someone different during that time, but I'd usually not notice/forget about it later

• Identity crisis central

Now, here are some of the symptoms we now experience knowing we're a system:

(We still experience memory gaps and such obviously. Also, not trying to say our symptoms just straight up switches after we realized we were a system, these are just some we have realized are symptoms of DID and now look out for)

• Seeing messages, tasks done, notes written that I have absolutely no recollection of doing

• Not feeling like myself, but also no one else in particular and it's like "who am i" (blurring)

• Disassociation. HEAVY disassociation.

These are all the things that I could think of right now, so I really hope this helps!! I know DID and OSDD-1B aren't the same thing but I really hope this helps!!! (i don't know much about OSDD-1B because I completely forgot everything I learned abt it 😭)

But uhh ya that's all hope you have a nice day as well and good luck on your discovery journey! (Or not! Idk if that phrase goes both ways I'm sorry!!)

Edit : Also pls reach out to other systems please don't take just my take/view/whatever on it 🙏 ty

[1waveshortofashipwreck]

I told you i was gonna be here

Names Alexi, He/Him, INFP-T, love languages are physical affection and words of affirmation, my hobbies include: writing (actually trying to now), drawing, and playing the saxophone, some of my goals are to get into college to become a teacher, some my interests are history, animals and dinosaurs, what i look for in a partner is someone who is funny, can keep up with my chaos and just an all around fun time, but they understand my issues that i deal with (specifically my anger and my self-esteem), and smth that can be taken accounted for, i'm 5'5, and you can use any of the guys idk rlly care, hope this makes sense

Aaaaaaa thank you so much for the ship request Alexi!!!!! You’re amazing 🥺❤️💖 (Also thank you so much for your patience lol)

So this one came to me surprisingly quick but honestly it just fits!!

I ship you with….

Don Malarkey!!

A song from my Liked Songs that reminds me of y’all - Best Day of My Life by American Authors

How y’all met

So picture this - it’s Don and Alton in the motorcycle, living their best lives

You’re walking home from the store just vibing and daydreaming

Until ZOOOM they almost hit you and you get knocked on your ass

Of course they immediately pull over and Don just SPRINTS over to you

Don kneels next to you and makes sure you’re okay but when he makes eye contact with you for the first time he’s just

🥺🥺🥺

Completely and utterly smitten

“Can I walk with you the rest of the way? Let me carry your bag to make up for what just happened!”

Of course how can you say no to Baby Boy so of course you hand your backpack over to him and y’all start walking together and talking

There’s just an instant connection y’all can’t stop laughing and talking about everything under the sun, eventually, he subtly takes your hand in his for the rest of the way

Both of y’all are super sad when you get to your place

Don just looks at you with the sweetest eyes and goes “I’d love to see you again”

Y’all start just taking walks together almost every day and Muck and Penkala are so tired of just HOW MUCH Don talks about you, like sweet boy can’t get you out of his mind

How he knew he loves you

Ok so y’all are out to dinner and you notice fucking soBEL LIKE WTF H O W

But you and Don just look at each other and you both know you’re about to cause some CHAOS

So y’all hatch this perfect prank on Sobel

Long story short Sobel is covered in chocolate sundae and the two of you are running away from the restaurant laughing your asses off

Don just looks at you and… your laugh, your smile, how you two just work so well together

He tells you right then and there how much he loves you

Both of you just feel so overwhelmed with the feeling of like I Found My Person

You share a kiss and it's simultaneously so gentle but so passionate

Everything in that moment is just perfect

A conflict in your relationship and how y’all resolved it

Ok so I see it happening with you and Don are out with Muck and Penkala

The three of them are being themselves and laughing together

You were for a while but then your Social Battery dies

So of course you lean over to Don

“Hey babe, can we please go home?”

“Yeah in a minute love” he quickly replied before getting back to Muck and Penkala

…That's the third time he's said that

So you get frustrated and just walk out on your own and start walking home

Your intrusive thoughts start getting the better of you… did he really wanna spend time with you? Is he tired of you??

You're so swept up in your thoughts you don't hear Don running after you

“Love? What happened? Where’re you going??” poor boy is Genuinely Confused

Which you’re not sure if that makes things better or worse

Either way, you didn’t want him to see that you were hurt, so you turned it into anger

“What do you fucking want?” You turn around and shoot at him

He just has this hurt puppy look as he goes “What happened??”

“Just leave me alone” you try to keep walking but you feel him grab your arm and turn you around

“Please tell me what I did and I’ll do everything I can to make it better” Don just puts a hand on your cheek and his eyes are searching yours, begging for an answer

You see the concern and love in his eyes and you just break

Sobs wrack your body as Don hugs you tight, just being there for you while you let it all out

After a little bit you’re able to get out that you just felt ignored and that he preferred Muck and Penkala to you and he just

He realizes what he did and just places his forehead on yours

“My love, I’m so, so sorry… I should never have done that, we should’ve just gone home the first time you asked… how can I make it up to you??”

You just smile and ask, “...can we go home?”

Don just smiles and sweeps you up, carrying you the rest of the way to your place

… Muck and Penkala stayed waiting for you and Don to come back assuming that y’all just went to the bathroom

Your Happily Ever After

Most wholesome relationship known to man

Like this man will do ANYTHING to see you smile

You mention physical touch is your love language?

He’s making sure to have an arm around you, his hand on your back, giving you kisses ALL THE FREAKING TIME LIKE STOP IT'S GROSS BUT CUTE

He also just feels so comfortable and safe with you

Like the fact that y’all’s chaotic energies just blend so perfectly, he knows he won’t scare you away and it’s the best feeling in the world

Also he will listen to you talk about animals and dinosaurs for HOURS

Not only does he just love the sound of your voice but just how much you know it’s amazing to him

You wind up teaching him so much it’s basically like your first time being a teacher and Don’s the student and it’s the Best

A silly headcanon about your relationship

Y’all prank each other all day every day and it’s too cuTE

(obviously done with tact like if one of you is going through a rough patch of course a truce is declared)

But like

Powder in the hair dryer? Check; plastic wrap in the hallway? Check!

One of the best ones was when you gave Don a homemade candy apple

He took a GIANT bite

‘Twas an onion

He’s still plotting the perfect way to get you back…

Thank you again Alexi!! Hope you like it 🥺💖💕

[xwx404error]

Cigarette (OP one-shot ?)

I wanted it to be like, Robin's p.o.v or even Nami's, but I'll leave it to imagination. Self insert if you want to.

I wrote this some time ago. I'll probably start posting one shots, headcanons etc of anime too. English is not my first language...I apologize if there are mistakes.

I'll probably do a revamp of this one later cuz I think I can make it better.

Warning: I guess it's kind of dark and can be quite "confusing". There's a resemblance to intrusive thoughts kind of. Idk

__________________

It's almost winter again.

Sitting on the edge of the bench, I rest my hands on my lap and remain more silent than before. I look at my long fingers. If I convince myself enough, I can feel my heart beating in the tip of them, and if I try a little harder, I don't feel them as I should. I end up thinking too much. Maybe I didn't want to be part of my body entirely, but all desires have a stronger source. In my case, this source may be more inconsistent than the desire itself. I've seen almost everything. I've studied too much, traveled and experienced, but life seems to slip through my long fingers all the time.

I'm ambitious, in a not-so-traditional way. The only thing that satisfies me...maybe it exists somewhere, but until I find it, I want everything, without needing anything. Why am I so empty? I think about my journey so far, about a life I decided for myself and all this freedom I have in this immense gray sea. It's so vast...I turn my head toward it, right there, with its passive, dangerous waves, carrying this ship silently, but whispering to those who can hear, "be careful."

Living is a privilege. An art that is difficult to appreciate. Every now and then I shy away from this to be less aware of this world, and fantasize about a personal achievement that fills my distant spirit. Not that it always works. I can't escape the acceptance of my own death, nor can I silence my thoughts wrapped in a taciturn mentality. I've tried, it's just complicated. I feel guilty...

I want to be loved. No...I wish to be free. I want to travel the world and devour it with all my teeth and a dry tongue, only to spit it out seconds later.

It makes me feel good like this — I raise my hands now and rest my face on one of them — My face knows how to smile and laugh. Little by little, I think I'm...

I smell a familiar smell. A taste of malice in the back of my throat. I take my eyes to the slender silhouette, with its thirsty 1.80. The cook, blonde, rests his blue orbs on my face and lights a cigarette between his lips. I give him a horrible, almost sadistic smile, so disguised in elegance. He smiles back, suggestive and posing near the counter. His unrequited advances became funny over time. Yes. It's funny. He always moves gallantly, and so willing with girls, that I despise him. I began to see him as an innocent, scared puppy, who waits for treats and carefully licks your hand. A good guy.

One way or another, he would come here to affect the scene as an egocentric arrogant, but at the same time kind and compassionate, in silence, with his strange charm and a perfume that is always corrupted by the aroma of cigarettes. He takes a puff. Smoke dances out of his mouth and spreads across the space, embracing me in the process. It's something that fills your lungs momentarily and is gone. Again and again...slowly. I stay focused on that, concentrated on the butt burning and the ashes falling...falling...falling. Where did this cook find this cigarette? How many things you must have seen, right? And the trips after his manufactured birth...until he arrived at these big, smooth hands.

I imagine the twilight of this cigarette's death. It distresses and intrigues me. His lips part along with my gently raising eyebrows. I wait for it to anxiously exhale the smoke, and when it does, I watch it fly away and dissipate like a soul. The fire from the cigarette butt sparking, like exclamations and renunciations.

Would you be relieved? Or less distressed? For so little, I don't know. Its size gradually decreases, aging and being consumed. Sounds familiar...

I realize I've been staring at him for a long time when his eyes question mine. I pay little attention.

—Do you want one...?—The man asks and wakes me up, pointing to the pack stuck between his teeth. Again, the malicious passive tone. A real flirt...

—I dont smoke. Thank you.—He nods briefly and continue. The ashes hit the ground, the cigarette butt still burns, and feeds his addiction.

Death...

I see my body between his lips, with my hands crossed over my chest and my head burning. With each puff, a piece of my soul dissipates, sickening me and killing me at the same time. My ashes fall, my body begins to fall apart too. I'm a cigarette in the cook's mouth. I want to be a cigarette, and kill and die, for a moment to have all the memories of addicts, of my travels around the world and of my artificial fabrication. If this cigarette saw the world until it was consumed, and Sanji is the kiss of death, I, who am not so different, also desire it. I, who am already old, who am so cruel.

My head feels hot, almost pulsing, and I imagine this scenario over and over again. Fantasizing with deep puffs. "Come on, smoke me!", and I am loved and free at the same time, consuming and being consumed, infesting your lungs with my emptiness and disappearing. Not that I want that. I realized at the last minute that I got too excited. The feeling of my spirit being obliterated, sucked in and expelled...I don't know why I fantasized about something so bizarre. I stand up and smile, impassive. How could I feel ecstatic about something like that?

[kaysutcliff-michaelis]

Aggretsuko rant after finishing season 5

I may mention things about past seasons so BEWARE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

AGGRETSUKO SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, BE CAREFUL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Season 5 had me yelling, talking to myself and feeling like I need to start rewatching it right this instant after finishing it so that I can process everything properly. I really want to read comments and reviews about it but I’ll wait until I’m done writing this so that whatever I read doesn’t influence my rant. And don’t expect any order, rhyme or reason here, I can’t be bothered to make this look like a proper text.

THEY FUCKING GOT MARRIED? WHAT? WHAT? EXCUSE ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?????

It was incredibly cute and sweet how they just felt it was their time and eloped, no perfect wedding, no cute bride with her dress and no anything, just Haida and Retsuko. Four seasons raging because she wanted to be a cute bride with her wedding dress in a chapel and she ends up getting married at the registry in the middle of the night, who would have guessed! HOWEVER, it makes me sad that we didn’t see more about it. No rings, no family and friends’ reactions, not even a mention about it. This is supposed to be the final season, so the way A LOT of things were left makes me extremely confused.

We don’t know what Haida’s new job is. We don’t know who was behind the truck attack. We don’t know how come there’s a picture of them with Retsuko’s family now. We don’t know what the deal with Tadano, Gori and Washimi is. We don’t know how the stunt worked for OTM’s social media numbers. We don’t know what happened to that guy who offered Haida the construction work. There are so many things we don’t know! Idk, the ending felt a bit lackluster precisely because the second the elections ended the season was over and it feels there wasn’t proper closure for some points.

And why couldn’t we hear Shikabane singing??? ;__; It almost made me tear up how Retsuko offered her the microphone at the end, I was really hoping to hear them singing together.

I could relate a lot to Shikabane throughout the season. Those feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and having to constantly do something to keep your mind occupied so that you don’t succumb to those thoughts have been incredibly present in my life for the last months (going to therapy and relying on my supportive partner to try and get myself out of it), so I totally get where she was coming from and why she acts the way she does until the end. Plus her character design is SO CUTE. The platform shoes, the ribbons, the colour palette! Had me wishing I looked as cool and fashionable as her!

But Haida. OMG HAIDA. THIS GUY NEVER LEARNS. He was making bad decisions during season 4, but THIS. Retsuko is so patient with him, if my partner was ever in that situation and hid it from me that would probably be a deal breaker. Not because of him being jobless and homeless, but because I’d feel he doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m not reliable or that I won’t help him. He gets on my nerves so much, sometimes he’s the perfect ship for Retsuko and sometimes he just self-sabotages to the point of almost ruining his life. Annoyance aside though, I feel like their struggles as a couple are very realistic and I enjoy that. The struggles of all the characters in general are realistic.

AND SPEAKING OF SHIKABANE, HAIDA AND THE WHOLE NET CAFE THING. I was so shocked because literally two days ago I was watching a video by Nekojita vlog (Spanish-Japanese couple who has been doing Youtube for some years now) talking about this topic, women who live in manga kisas either because they cannot afford an apartment (with the money it would get you just to pay rent you have food, showers, washing machines, drinks, internet and a place to sleep if you find a good deal) or because their lifestyle is more suited to this (maybe they work most of the day/night and it is better to rent a booth for a few hours to crash there than be bothering with rent, bills, neighbours and all that stuff). I found the topic super interesting and it was quite a surprise to see it was one of the main points of the season.

The second part of the season threw me off a bit with the whole “suddenly Retsuko is running up for Parliament” thingy, I really dislike politics and it felt a bit like propaganda, it reminded me of this random Modern Family arc in which Claire is running for the council. Despite that, I think some real-life issues that need urgent addressing were mentioned and it would be good if that raised awareness about them in Japan, like how difficult and expensive it is to have your child in kindergarten (me hating politics doesn’t mean I don’t know about how messed up things are there). It also made me feel bad that Manaka and Hyodo kinda sold Retsuko to this creepy Ikari guy just so that they could get free publicity for OTM Girls. And Tadano buying the net cafe so that he can have it for himself??? He left so many people like Shikabane homeless with that move, he could just have remodeled his apartment. Overall this second part had some great moments but some bad stuff that leaves a bittersweet taste for me. And it annoys me that we don’t know who attacked Haida at the end so that Retsuko would quit!! I was so worried that he would die or end at the hospital and in the end nothing really comes out of this event (except for the eloping) and the next day he’s there playing with her (extremely cool btw) like he didn’t get hit by a truck the day before.

Selling Retsuko to Ikari for clout aside, I honestly felt jealous (in a good way) for Retsuko’s support network. I rewatched the whole thing during February so that I would be ready for season 5 and something that really caught my attention was how she gets more and more allies and how much teamwork there is.

Gori and Washimi the best friends ever!

Tadano who saves the day each time he appears, Retsy and him are cut out to be a couple but they sure are to be friends and allies!

Tsunoda and Fenneko being the unexpected wingman team?? They carried so much of seasons 4 and 5.

Anai doing a 180 and going from crazy newbie to someone who legit cares about his coworkers! He has evolved so much thanks to Kabae and his gf!

Director Ton OMG DIRECTOR TON, went from villain to that brutally honest but really supportive person who sometimes seems to know her better than anyone! And his daughters being part of the action of seasons 3 and 4?? And the whole family teamwork at the end of season 4 when they were trying to get the flash drive???? Loved that.

Manaka and the bodyguards making sure Retsuko was safe (Manaka in general with that bat full of nails is super cool). Though she’s still Manaka, 90% of the time I really like her but the other 10% I think she doesn’t care who she has to sacrifice for her idol career... Same goes for Hyodo.

It’s so wholesome to see how much she has evolved since the first season and how she relies on others and her trust is being rewarded.

I don’t really know what to think of her parents though. Her mother seems to have good intentions on the last seasons but in season 2 she’s just the most nosy and meddlesome mother ever. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HAIDA’S FAMILY. I honestly feel bad for his mother, she looked so kind and she has to deal with crazy obsessive Juzo and Jiro. So manipulative, so money-centered, I don’t believe ONE BIT, what Jiro said about him not being behind the truck attack. And if he wasn’t him, it was their dad, how else would he know about what happened? I wanted Haida and Retsuko to tell them to shut their mouths and go to hell SO MUCH.

Random, but the Juliana’s references throughout the series gave me life XD The Bubbly Land ad made me crack up.

So no that the series is supposedly over, I think my fave season is season 3. To me it was perfect in every aspect: the plot, the character designs, the pacing, the ending, the soundtrack... Second place is shared by the Tadano arc in season 2 and the net cafe arc in season 5. Then we have the second part of season 4, all of season 1 and the second part of season 5. And finally the beginning of seasons 2 and 4. Not that Aggretsuko has any bad seasons or episodes, but I certainly cherish some more than others.

I said it before but I really think like I need to watch the season again to process everything that happened and gather my thoughts on it. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow or in a few days, maybe not. If this is the end, I want to say that since I watched Retsuko for the first time I have related A LOT to the characters and their situations at different points of my life or regarding different aspects of it. The show has got me through so many shifts and has felt so cathartic when I was done with my job and wanted to death voice all my customers and coworkers. I’m so grateful that this show exists to drop a sea urchin in the desert from time to time and remind us that things aren’t as hopeless as they may seem.

[lottiepumpkinofficial]

31st oct and 1st nov

chap’s 13,14,15,16,17,18

guys i’m so tired right now but let’s go, let’s do this

lilies kinda smell gross honestly, i’ve never liked the scent of them

yes everything is your fault rat twins

“a strange blemish”? nonono the moon is a gorgeous celestial being (just ellie self hatred)

this is one of my favourite chapters

matilde just knowing everything that’s unsaid makes me so happy, obviously she’s not a perfect person and has done not great things and made mistakes but she’s definitely the best person in the royal family, and there’s nothing like a loving mother’s intuition

i love the way connie shows manipulation and abuse through ingrid- the way we know this organisation is wrong and mistreating her, but the way she believes it’s her fault and she needs to be better- and then the utter confusion when someone (jamie) treats her like a human being and suddenly she doesn’t know what to think

i find it so funny that ingrid stays fixated on lottie, instead of moving her sights to ellie- like she’s a girl that does not give up a grudge easily (i think it also goes to show that she’s here to prove her own personal things and not just be a part of the main mission, she has her own stuff going on)

PART TWO BRAVE

it’s nice that they offer her a therapist, but not nice that they dismiss her

god all the parental issues in this series, i think binah must be the only character who doesn’t have any parental issues

okay as much as i love ani and saskia, to invite lottie to paris to speak to the partizan council, knowing it’s her last hope to speak to ellie or the royal family, and knowing nobody will hear her out, just to declare your undying love for each other in front of a Very Heartbroken lottie who literally can’t do anything about it is a very mean thing to do. i know their intention is to get her to open up and let her know it’s okay and all that jazz but fucking hell i would be so upset with them

seriously, was there not any other way to get lottie to admit she’s in love with ellie without really hurting her

that’s a big fucking burden for lottie, she’s already dealing with heartbreak, terrorist threats, losing a job, not knowing what to do with her life and now she’s got to worry about people being in love with her?? that shouldn’t have to be her problem, none of this should have to be her problem

“what are you going to do about it?” idk that’s up to jamie, really, he’s the one with the feelings

this is kinda why i don’t like jaru so much, haru was manipulated into seeing jamie like a god and jamie is not in the right place for any romance

i love the mixed genderings everyone gives ellie

the hope of ellie being herself is so strong and then heartbreaking when it backfires

ouch, the first paragraph of chapter 18 hit me personally

i wanna see raph all ready for story time

okay but how does one claim to be a long lost princess from an abandoned royal line? “hey instagram, just wanted to let you all know i’m actually the great x10 granddaughter of liliana mayfutt and my proof is a tiara 🩷”

idk i feel like emelia is just kinda mean for not giving lottie the plus one- what do you mean you don’t trust lottie? she’s literally spent the past three/four years fighting the same cause as you, getting kidnapped and threatened multiple times and you don’t trust her because she cares about her friends? idk man, that’s weird to me- especially when literally your best friend and all her friends have vouched for her despite not liking her either at the start

don’t get me wrong, emelia is badass and i love her, but what the fuck

[muffinmonsterzs]

im still so confused about spy school canon and so therefore we shall fuse everything ever said to create fanon canon fix-its

for context a fanon canon fix-it is what you do to fix authors mistakes when there’s like 3938387373737373 plotholes and recalls and last minute adds

fanon canon timeline additives (aka fancy word for headcannons that should be canon):

trixie and mike are the most annoying couple ever ONGGG (don’t get me wrong I love them but they would piss off everyone else SO bad)

warren is an incel loser because we hate warren he’s the octavian of the spy school fandom

chip is a country boy yes i will stick with this headcannon until the day i die fight me

all of these stupid kids are neurodivergent prove me wrong you can’t

zoe is a lesbian i will NOT take no for an answer

fanon canon timeline fix-its:

zoe and svetlana aren’t dating until like a month after ssgn ends because there’s definitely mutual feelings but they’re not gonna rush into a relationship THAT fast

murray is actually bi and likes both zoe and ben because honestly it makes way more sense he secretly has a crush on them both tbh his type is probably powerful short women and ugly loser men fr

zoe was actually being heavily manipulated by nora taco which is why her character was fucking destroyed in ssr

they’ve all killed atleast one person let’s be honest erica literally shoved a few enemy agents into like fucking ACID once i think??????

ben is an unreliable fucking narrator, except when it comes to his looks sort of because its heavily implied that he’s only average looking but his self esteem is like nonexistent so he describes himself like 10x worse than how he actually looks

okay now for fanon canon description fix-its!!!!!

most of these are just head cannons that i cannot see not being canon

zoe has heterochromia (since she’s described with both brown AND green eyes)

none of them have the ugly slick back hair they got in the graphic novels except ben because he is a mediocre rat I refuse to believe the handsome ben narrative he is 5’1 and has greasy hair and wears collared shirts

zoe is black trust me guys 🙏🙏🙏🙏

also zoe dyed some of her hair pink after ssr again my source is me being awesome and right

ashley had dyed hair and it was way longer DO NOT BELIEVE THE GRAPHIC NOVELS LIES

happy trails shirts are GREEN AND NOT YELLOW BECAUSE THE GRAPHIC NOVELS ARE LIARS SISJSJDJJDJDJ (idk why im mad abt this)

erica has mid length hair guys 🙏🙏🙏🙏

murray actually does have a mullet trust

uhh that’s it add ur own if you want ig

[spiked-mall-goth]

can we hear your barbie thoughts?

okay heres just the copy paste from my letterboxd. (whew wee is it LONG)

i was so excited. that one is on me.

movie so so confusing. i thought i was in for like an absurdist comedy, but it was like forced feminist political commentary?? do NOT get me wrong on this one okay, i have seen so many people get torn to SHREDS for saying that they didn't like this movie bc they hate #girlpower. i am not one of those people. but idk abt u guys but i feel like its not that hard a concept to have a good female empowerment movie without just telling us straight in our faces that its female empowerment ALL. THE. TIME.. felt like i was being spoon fed with a forklift. theres this really cool special tactic called… subtlety.. wow its a crazy thing. they spent so much time shoving a message down my throat they.. forgot what it was.??? like they lost track of what they wanted to say like a million times over it was annoying. they said so much to mean so little. messaging so muddled the barbies literally interfered with a fucking government election and got away with it. they didn't want the kens to have any power so they took them away from the pink house and voted without them to put themselves back as the only leaders. the fuck barbie. i feel like the solution in barbieland was not to just fucking reinstall the matriarchy but instead work together as one to create an idyllic society where the barbies and the kens can live side by side without one towering over the other. the kens were not being horridly mistreated b4, but i understand wanting to be treated better. and i could have some mild sympathy for them, but as soon as they took over barbieland they just treated women like shit making them doing everything for them. and yes that is no good, but its interesting to me that the barbies did not take this as a lesson at all?? like they did not look back and really go, 'huh,, maybe you should ALSO have rights bc being seen and treated as inferior is not okay.' no they took it as an opportunity to shove more fucking glitter coated instagram infographic #positivity down my throat. i understand that this was kinda the point, to be like look! this is what its like and the 'just be yourself' solution means nothing in the end! just like the real world! but why would i want that? why would i want a backwards version of a fucking corrupt system that doesn't work? it doesn't work this way; flipping it, well guess what it still doesn't work. this is fucking barbieland, i WANT them to all be happy and equal in the end! i don't want to think about how awful everything is! its a fantasy world, why would you want to model it after the horrible deep sucking never ending vacuum into the black hole that is the real world? its my barbies and kens (and allen) and damnit i think that they should be happy. also side note, how tf did the kens brainwash the barbies??? like the fuck was that? to me that implies that the barbies also had the kens brain washed to be only accessories. like whoevers in power just has control over the other group? this movie makes everyone like a fucking monster.

can u believe i have more to say? turn back now bc i will never stop typing.

ummm kinda hated that random ass woman and her child? and i hate even more that i can refer to them as that. they were horridly bland fucking ONE dimensional characters. no personality, no real development, nothing. just a forced under-devloped mother daughter sub-plot that if my mother had seen would've cried and made me feel like it was my fault for growing up. (normal mom behavior or just me….??)

mattel, you fucking sleazy greased up wet RAT. you canOT,,, okay listen to me… CAN. NOT. make a movie like 'corporations bad! they dont hire women! rampant consumerism bad!!'. baby girl look in the mirror, its not funny, its not being 'self-aware', it makes me feel,, bad. like you can get away with anything bc you actually can. making literal cartoon goons of yourself as some sort of distraction from all of the very real major issues that are happening in the real world corporate mattel company is rancid. you can to be as 'self-aware' as you want but the bottom line is that you just flat out dont care. you won't change anything. trying to be funny about it makes me feel sick. you can't make capitalist consumerism the movie and try to be like 'yeah thats so bad right guys? you guys also hate corporations?! great!'. you cant have your cake and eat it too.

i liked allen. allen sweetheart baby girl darling dear honeybun beloved i'm so sorry the filmmakers hate you. dude literally had like 6 lines. justice for allen.

out of all the 'shameful' barbies i was actually most excited to see the inclusion of video cam barbie!!! i wanted that bitch soooo bad.

laughed a handful of times, as fucking painful as the depression barbie ad was i laughed really loud at the bbc pride and prejudice joke. i thought the godfather joke was also very funny. some of the doll jokes were funny, but its like okay guys this was low hanging fruit to begin with lets not repeat them like ten times over. the n-sync allen joke also got me. i know i laughed a bit in the theater… but as of right now i'm drawing a blank on standout jokes. that says smth huh?

i like the big ken dance number when they went to like abstract reality zone. that was good. now just remake this movie but like that. it needed to be more loose and fun, alter reality for a dance number! do that!! i want some goddamn old hollywood type of just nonsense sequences. the song was not good tho tbh.

costumes and set were… objectively very good! do NOT get me wrong. the team behind it is very talented and they did an awesome job! however. they went for more of a 'generic barbie' look for the barbies costumes and for barbieland. which to me ended up looking more haunting..? idk WHY but the lack of actual dolls just chilling around made the few real dolls stand out like sore thumbs. that and also it felt like edward scissorhands type of suburbia. complete pastel hellscape. the thought of living in a 'perfect' pink pastel world where everything is the same everyday forever and if ur slightly different you literally get banished forever is horrifying. wheres all the girl power huh?? what happened to women helping women??? nope, you look kind odd?? sorry we hate you forever.

the ending was also just a hot hot garbage fire. whhyyyy did barbie decide she no longer wanted to be a barbie……? i feel like i missed that part since we were so focused on ken. oh so its bc she saw just a fuckinh home video slideshow?? yeah okay whatever just roll credits so i can leave now pls. a gynecology joke. really?

feminist movies do need to be made. but why with barbie? she has never been a feminist icon. this isn't her domain. she's just barbie. and trying to attach real life feminist issues to a fucking plastic doll to be bought and sold, to be commodified doesn't sit right with me. shes not meant to be this complex guys, and i feel like they just completely fumbled on that. to me barbie is just there. you play dress up with her, take her on fun adventures, play with your friends, you don't pick up a barbie doll and go 'wow i would just love to have this woman be groped and then come to terms with the real world and its many problems'. thats stupid. i was in for a fun little roadtrip adventure movie with barbie and her friends. and this was just too much.

this movie was not fun and whimsical to me. it was drab, it was horrifying, it was depressing. i wanted to have a brief escape from reality, but instead i was faced with the same atrocities of everyday life but hot pink and glitter coated. which only added to the awful feeling of 'it will be this way forever.' it wasn't a silly movie about being a woman and what that means, it was a faux women power movie made by massive corporations trying to tell us that they are hip and relatable and that you should buy so much merchandise. it was just one big reminder that capitalism will live forever and it will only get worse because everyone just eats it up if its brightly colored.

[protokirby]

I wasn't planning on typing this until I became able to get on my computer because I hate typing on a phone but I don't know when the flop that will happen so I'll just go ahead and type it.

For the 3 people who read about my dream posts, I was finally able to apologize to Leon. And Hop.

This is big so I'll slap a keep reading right there

This happened a few nights ago.

Before this dream, I hadn't seen either Leon or Hop since the last dream I posted that had either of them in it. I don't remember how long ago that was.

I almost always can tell I'm dreaming but never control things which is frustrating. But I was controlling this dream.

So..... before the actual good part of the dream, my family was being very bad to me and I went to sleep in the dream.

In the dream within the dream, I realized I had all my memories from real life.

The location was some beautiful flowing grassy field as far as the mind could see with pretty electric blue skies and it had random gray stones and also gray stone structures that look like a flat platform with a roof with thin pillars on 4 sides to support the roof though the platforms with the roofs were round so idk if I could say it has "sides" but whatever. This place looked straight out of a fantasy world.

Also some kind of awesomely epic and inspiring orchestra type of music was playing.

So, as I had all my memories from my awake self, I called Leon's name and he appeared. Specifically he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures as though the things are magic portals or something. He looked confused and slightly concerned. His expression got even more concerned when he saw me :( come on my guy, we used to be friends until I started having so many nightmares. Hop still thought I was fun to hang out with.

Anyhoo, after summoning Leon successfully, I called Hop's name and then Leon's facial expression changed. Not out of fear of the danger of all the nightmares I have, but something else. I don't quite know for sure what emotion he was portraying but it looked like a form of intense sadness mixed with some other emotions. Mostly sadness.

Anyway Hop didn't appear when I called his name (that could explain the look Leon was giving me) and I had a reaction to that in a way I would react irl in this kind of situation. A head tilt and a "huh?".

So I called Hop's name again but with more force and he appeared in a light in one of the stone structures.

Leon immediately had some kind of face that was a mix of surprise and happiness and so did Hop. More heavy on the surprise with Hop. Leon ran over to him and hugged him and they were both crying. A positive sort of crying like they hadn't seen each other in a long time and were happy to be reunited.

Okay, did dream actually Hop die somehow when I was under the impression that Leon simply found a way to stop him from visiting my dreams?

That's kind of totally super upsetting but at least I brought him back to life finally.

Anyhoo.

I wanted to hug them both but I figured that now wasn't the best time so I made sure they both had my attention as my short-self was looking up at both of them

and I said, full of emotion

"I'm sorry that I put the both of you through so many of my nightmares."

They didn't say anything back. I guess they were just too surprised about everything going on to speak.

But then I got a call on a magic dream phone from Gwen from Ben 10, the one from Ben 10 Alien Force.

She asked me why I was asleep at night if I'm nocturnal.

And I said "I'm not nocturnal. I sleep when I get tired and that just happens to be during the day more than at night. I'm very busy. I got control of my dreams for the first time and I'm finally getting to do the things in dreams I want but I never remember to do. Now leave me alone. It feels like I don't have more than 5 seconds left at most."

Then I hung up. The dream was actually waving around like the very uhh "reality" in the dream was shifting towards wakeup.

I wanted to thank Ryuki for being my friend and called his name, but I didn't see anything more than the light appearing in the stone structure before I woke up.

Thanks Gwen :( how'd she get in contact with me anyway? I've had Ben 10 dreams before but I don't think she's ever been in one and I definitely hadn't ever spoken with her before this as far as I can recall. She knew the "usuals" of my broken schedule too. What-

So anyhoo I was completely flabbergasted by how vivid the dream was.

I got the taste of a controlled dream that night but I want the full course meal. And I want it with every sleep.

I've been looking up online for ways to learn how to control my dreams and one of the ways listed is to write down what I want to dream about before I go to sleep so I got an old notebook and yesterday night I wrote what I wanted to dream about.

I also repeated to myself "I will control my dreams" whenever I wasn't lost in thought at something else because that's another way.

It doesn't seem to be working yet but it needs time and determination I suppose. I will learn to control my dreams for sure. I need this. To have a generally better life and to end my near constant nightmares.

If I can psychology myself into ignoring pain, I can psychology myself into controlling my dreams.

[megbonney]

this year has felt way too fast because i realise for 80% of it i was getting mentally rotted by men. let's do a wrapped (of the ones i haven't forgotten).

EBF: first bf for like 2 years. i cut off my best friend under his influence. tried to convince me they were grooming me. tried to convince me i wasn't genderfluid. tried to get his therapist to therapise me. tried to get me to see a therapist. dropped out of school and had virtually no ambition. i had to pretend to be straight infront of his friends. accused me of cheating on him with one of said friends. i felt like he was cheating on me with my "friend" at the time. i had no one besides him. he was attached to me like a parasite and i hated it. dumped him. couldn't handle just staying friends. also killed my self image. went celibate after. oh and he went thru my dms bc that's totally normal. cancer man. 2. RICHIE RICH: was into him during "friends" stage with EBF. met on ow but never really played together. went to a private roman catholic school. led me on. sent me music recs but they were too indie for my teen angst at the time. "friend" made me let her follow him bc she's weird. he didn't see anything wrong with it despite my discomfort. got sick of it bc he was stringing me on and blocked me for being upset. also was confused as to why i wasn't able to go shopping every wknd and didn't understand why i wanted a job bc he was privileged and had an allowance. i tried to meet up but he folded. followed me back on insta 2 or so weeks ago. we haven't spoken. goofy 3. COWORKER: met at first shift. i called him pretty bc that's the only word to rlly describe him and he told other coworkers i tried to ask him out. shorter than me. played war thunder. was really sweet at first. suddenly had coworkers asking if i'd date him. realised he was running his mouth. we watched fury and bladerunner 2077 together. began going dry after i told him i was moving. started being a dickhead. started telling coworkers i was a lesbian. i tried to sort it out but he tried to gaslight me about it. i think he quit atp. good riddance 3. NARC: 23 or 21 yr old man idk. bastion main. had a gf i didn't know abt. treated me like a gf. had an entire fake life. claimed to be a "narcissist and compulsive liar." talked abt his ex the entire time. very degrading. i found his ig and he was actually ugly af. only good thing was that he wasn't codependent. ghosted him after he went dry on me when i got my period. msged his gf and it's been like a month or two without a response. he bought me nitro tho so that was sick. 4. FURRY: was friends with him at the same time as NARC. he also knew about COWORKER because it was roughly right as we met. wanted to be a musician and twitch streamer. 19. balding. had a mommy kink but tried to make me sub. gained feelings for me. i friendzoned him. then he tried to say he was in love a week later. he was parasite #2. friends with MANCHILD. double texted all the time. gooner. cut him off. tried to create tension between fig and i. into the weirdest shit i've ever seen. objectified me. genuinely liked oliver tree. also bought me nitro. 5. MANCHILD: turned 20 like last week. had a gf. never hung out with her. spent everyday hanging out with fig and i. was too stupid so him and fig argued often. tried to make me mediate. most stressful time of yr. i bought him 2 games and he lied to his gf about where he got them from. he also lied about why he got rdr2. backseat gamed everything. whiny. asked me how many fingers i could fit on vc at 2am. also asked me if i'd ever have a 4sum with fig . is now insisting i trapped him because i told people about what happened. 6. CURRENTLY: nothing! i probs forgot some things but a funny thing to note was that i know every guy on this lists' names and most info about them. it was also hard because i wanted to keep all of them approx the same length. happy 2023 ?

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Mayerling (1936)

This one was really good, I absolutely loved it, but I do have one pretty big issue with it, that shall go into detail about a bit later.

This film starts off with Rudolf getting arrested at a student protest and hanging out a bunch with Seps while Taafe and the head of the secret police are trying to prove that theyre in cahoots, which excited me because although some of the previous ones did focus on Rudolf a lot, they didnt really focus on his politics in favor of showing us his always-strangely boring affair with Mary Vetsera, but then Seps' newspaper gets shut down and he has to flee and then we never hear from him again and the only political stuff in the rest of the movie is just like "oh, the baroness is cheating with the archduke whos already married, much scandal". So that was disappointing, but it's not the big issue I have with the film, and I was ultimately able to get invested in the relationship between Rudolf and Mary.

That's mainly because I thought Rudolf was very interesting. An issue that I had with both Elisabeth von Österreich (1931) and Das Schicksal derer von Habsburg (1928) was that Rudolf seemed like a fairly normal, well-adjusted guy which made his suicide feel very weird and kind of confusing. Like, I think if I had seen either of those films without knowing the actual history, during those scenes where he approached Mary to be like "my request for a divorce didnt go through. you know what we have to do now in order to be together", I wouldve thought that he was talking about running away together or something, like what people do when theyre crazy and in love but still, yknow, relatively mentally healthy. In those movies, there wasnt really any buildup to the suicide or to Mary wanting to die with him, but I think here they did a good job at portraying Rudolf as this complicated and tormented guy, I really liked Charles Boyer's performance.

Unfortunately, I cant say the same for Mary, who, like in the previous films, was just kinda portrayed as a very normal woman, even though willingly being in an affair with the heir to the throne of austria and then being willing to follow him when he commits suicide is pretty wild, at least in my humble opinion. This is the big issue I have: she came across as just this one-dimensional ingenue who didnt have any thoughts about what she was doing or her relationship with Rudolf beyond like "everything is all right because our love is pure", but I didnt really feel like the film made me understand why she would love him as deeply as she does. I can certainly understand why Rudolf loves her like that, she's this comforting, bright prescence in his dark dark life, but what does this sheltered 17 year old see in this weird, unstable, unfaithful manwhore? The only thing that's ever said is that she sees the sadness and the pain in his eyes, but idk. call me cynical, but that just isn't enough for me. But even beyond that, again, I really dislike how she has no inner life and doesnt seem to ever self-reflect and never expresses any opinion about Rudolf beyond like, after her second time meeting him she tells her governess that he's handsome.

There's this scene that's really emblematic of the issues I have with her characterization while also being one of my favorite scenes in the whole film. Basically, Mary's mother finds out about her daughter being in an affair with an unnamed man through an anonymous letter and when she refuses to tell her who it is, she sends her away to live with her uncle for 6 weeks. We hear that during those weeks, Rudolf has constantly been drunk and sleeping with a bunch of women and we see him at a brothel having.... not a bad time per se, but he's clearly not all there. When he looks in a mirror, he doesnt recognize himself and starts yelling at his own reflection before pulling out a gun and shooting it several times. Then someone approaches him to tell him that a pretty woman is waiting for him at the entrance and leads him there. The pretty woman is Mary, who just returned from her uncle's place and managed to escape her mother because she wanted to see him as soon as possible, and Rudolf immediately takes her to a private room because he doesnt want anyone to see her. There, Mary notices what she thinks is blood on his neck and gets concerened, but he tells her that its just lipstick from a prostitute. She doesnt say anything in response, but Rudolf starts ranting at her about how yes, he kissed prostitutes and he's allowed to do that if he wants because he hasnt tied himself down to Mary so it doesnt matter, while she just stays silent and expressionless. He gets increasingly more upset as he rants and ends up grabbing Mary by the shoulders and yelling at her that, if she doesnt say anything now, he never wants to see her again. I forgot what exactly she told him, but I think it was just something along the lines of "I'll love you no matter what". Then Rudolf calms down a bit and basically repeats "I dont know how you can love me, you can't actually love me when Im like this" while she assures him that she does love him.

This scene really demonstrates the duality of their relationship as presented in this film; Rudolf is this complicated and tormented mess of a person while Mary is just a doll looking at him with her beautiful blank face. Like, I cannot stresss enough how little emotion she shows during that scene and many others. And I dont think its because she's played by a bad actress, I actually really liked Danielle Darrieux's performance and I think she could have portrayed Mary with a lot of depth, if only she had any.

But with my big issue out of the way, I'd like to talk about all the things that made me love this movie regardless

I already talked about how I liked Rudolf, but I absolutely LOVED Gabrielle Dorziat as Elisabeth here despite her having a very minor role. Theres this small scene where she wants to see Rudolf but finds Mary instead and they talk for a moment that I think gave her a lot of depth, again, despite the fact that she only had a few small appearances in less than a handful of scenes.

The pacing and editing were on-point, like The King Steps Out (1936) this movie felt like it was longer than 90 minutes in a good way, and I adored the score, it added so much to the wonderful atmosphere of this whole thing. Or, well, maybe 'wonderful' isnt the right word here, this is a fairly dark film, but it was very well-executed. Places like the opera in the ballet gala scene or the ball at the end have this beautiful grandness about them, while the brothel Rudolf visits and even the fair where he and Mary first meet are dingy and kind of grimy, and the ending at Mayerling is so dark and melancholic and tense, my heart was racing with this horrible anticipation for basically the last 10-20 minutes, it was so good. I was gonna talk about it in more detail but honestly, I dont want to spoil it too much, you should definitely watch it for yourself when you can. I found it (and most of the movies I will review) on ok.ru, its a french movie but I was able to find it with english subtitles on there.

So yeah, all in all, its a good movie, I wish the creators had cared more about Mary but that's it.

[xhda1449x]

I'm glad you asked!!!

Well, in theory there's like. 2-3, depending on if you count the mysterious cloak guy as his own version of Xehanort. But what I understand as a "Xehanort" is just that one guy. He changed bodies a lot though. And some of them lost memories and ended up calling themselves Xehanort. The reason for Actually Fully Xehanort (his heart + body together) #2? Time travel. He went to the past (well. Only his heart did, because that's how it works in KH - that's how Cloak Guy happened!!! It's essentially him but changed because time travel has consequences like that) and took his young adult self back to the present with him. For uhhh. World domination reasons (not really. He just wants to start a war and make a key kinda but ALSO maybe world dominate)

NOW. The other guys. It's basically Xehanort bodyjumping/splitting into two/forgetting who he is and making a new identity for himself. First (?) there was Terra. Xehanort possessed him. That's Xehanort #3/4 (again depending on if you see Cloak as his own version), also known as Terranort. Norted Terra!!! Then he got pissed off at Terra's influence over the body so he got rid of that part of it and that caused him to forget everything. If I remember correctly. Then he went on to become Xehanort #4/5, aka Apprentice Xehanort (because he would kidnap children in the name of Science TM and worked under a different guy. I have to mention him because his name is Ansem (the wise). This will become relevant soon).

Then he either accidentally or on purpose discovered that you can split yourself into a heartless (a being created from your heart, therefore not having a heart of its own) and a nobody (aka your empty shell, no personality, just the body, but "nobody" in spirit. Well some nobodies have personalities and some have even retained their pre-split ones. That's what happened to our guy too...... i guess). So he did that lmao. That gives us TWO new guys:

Ansem (seeker of darkness) (I told you Ansem TW had to be mentioned; this is why. Idk why he calls himself that. He just stole another guy's name and sent him to the hell dimension lmao) the heartless

and

Xemnas ("Mansex") the nobody

who then went on to create a cult.

So that's Xehanorts #5/6 and 6/7. And that's kinda all of them? They only started existing all at the same time when time travel was introduced though, usually it was just one or two guys running around causing trouble.

HOWEVER. Remember how I said Terra got norted? Remember how I said Xemnas started a cult?

WELL. Turns out it was to find candidates for norting!!! Which. Means possession but done by Xehanort specifically. Indicated by white hair and/or yellow eyes (but those traits don't have to mean a person has been norted and vice versa; see also: anti Aqua)

Long story short some people didn't really want to let him inside them (hahah) so that's why he collected his past versions + some guys who really couldn't care less about being possessed. So that, in theory, gives us 7 more Xehanorts (13/14 in total, but the Cloak Version isn't a part of the squad because he really exists just during time travel). Not that bad, right?

I guess there's also several data versions of him and his versions. But tbh I don't feel like getting into that since they mostly exist just to be extra boss fights for tryhards. Mostly. Also tbh I guess if you count all the people running around who may or may not have some Xehanort inside them there's like 20+ of them. But I refuse to spend any more time counting Xehanorts

people often exaggerate the actual number though. Because saying there's 299272519191382 of the same guy is funnier than actually counting them. But it also is pretty confusing and if any of my kh mutuals are reading this, feel free to correct me on some stuff since I. Never thought I'd need this kind of knowledge lmao

"nonbinary people are just confused" YOURE DAMN RIGHT IM CONFUSED. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS GOING ON ANYMORE. WHO THE FUCK IS THIS XEHANORT GUY AND WHY ARE THERE FOUR OF HIM

[rin-itoshi]

mc’s departure | obey me

summary: how the brothers would react to MC returning to the human world after a year in the devildom

contains: fluff , angst , ?!!!!&;@;&:idk

♯ LUCIFER

he’s the one to see you off, reminding you of the many things he had taught you so that you’d never forget.

his pride is much too large to admit that he will miss you to death and that he loves you dearly.

after you’re gone, he’s gone for hours at a time, holed up in his room with as much as work as he can take on.

he overworks himself with the intention of getting rid of the heavy emotion on his heart.

everything reminds you of him, even the paper clip on his desk that you had once found under his bed.

he gets easily irritable, feeling rather empty now that you’ve gone and left him alone in this now quiet house.

barely leaves his room, only works.

never cries but gets quite emotional when he finds a belonging you left behind.

♯ MAMMON

he cried every single night up until your departure but never showed you that side of him once

after you left, he cried non-stop, not caring if he looked like a cry baby in front of his brother’s who watched him with pitiful eyes.

once his eyes dried up, he soon never returned home as he partied all day and night.

he forced himself to attend parties after parties in order to forget about you.

it never works because everything reminds him of you.

sometimes he sits in his car and just stares into space, wondering what you’re doing now that you’re back on earth.

literally cannot stand the mention of you or your name or he may break down.

pretends to be okay but can’t go a day without getting upset about your absence.

money soon becomes pointless when he realizes no amount of cash will bring you back to the house of lamentation.

♯ LEVIATHAN

curled up in his bath tub and cried himself to sleep.

stopped leaving his room in general, continuously playing games all day and night.

couldn’t look at his ruri-chan figures because they somehow reminded him of you and how much you used to admire them with him.

every inch of his room has your touch on it and it makes his heart ache painfully.

struggles to attend online school but manages to make it through the day by zoning out in class.

claims he doesn’t care about a normie like you but genuinely misses you

sends you messages, forgetting you can no longer contact him without your D.D.D

writes about how much he misses you on his blog fully aware you’ll never see it.

♯ SATAN

reading. that’s all he does.

he hides in his room and reads every single book he has stacked up along his room, even rereading them if he finished everything.

uses books to get his mind off of you—or more so the lack of you.

will sometimes get excited about a stray cat he sees but stops himself when he realizes he can’t tell you because you aren’t here.

gets angry. a lot.

the smallest things set him off and he can longer feign a smile when he hears your name or anything related to you.

he misses you so much that he wants to tear out his hair and rip apart all these book page by page.

his room is in shambles and he can’t seem to think straight anymore.

♯ ASMODEUS

loses his interest in everything.

forgets his skin care routine and lets himself go without caring about it.

forces himself to go to parties and tries to sleep with someone to feel better but when it fails, he stops sleeping around in general.

like mammon, he doesn’t come home often to avoid seeing the house he had lived in with you happily.

cannot forget about you no matter what he does, and that frustrates him the most.

wishes he had done something to stop you or at least slept beside you one last time.

neglects himself for a while.

♯ BEELZEBUB

poor bby isn’t hungry for once.

can’t seem to eat now that you’re not sitting beside him, giggling about something he had said.

spends a lot of his time doing weight training and exercising to get his mind off of you.

misses all the meals you used to make on the nights you were in charge of cooking.

sometimes forgets you’re not around whenever he’s about to go downstairs to eat dinner.

clings to belphie in hopes to fill the gap in his heart.

accidentally broke down your room door in an angry fit when your absence finally set in.

♯ BELPHEGOR

either he sleeps even more or somehow gets less sleep.

no matter what, he feels sluggish and blank.

locks himself in the attic, almost as if he was never released in the first place.

even though he hated humans, your absence affected him the most after he had grown to love you as a human.

nearly went demon mode on diavolo when he found out that you were being sent back to the human world.

partially wishes he never met you but cherishes his memories with you too much to ever wish for that wholeheartedly.

sleeps in your bed often to hold onto your lingering scent that was fading quickly.

complains to beel that you were nothing but a stupid human who turns their backs on demons like them, but he never means anything he says.

“Why is it so quiet in here?” Diavolo asks as he opens the front door of the House of Lamentation with Barbatos at his side. The man’s golden eyes scanned the entry hall, noticing how it was so eerily dark and quiet that it almost felt like something out of a horror movie. It felt like no one had lived here in over two thousand years. “Hello?”

Upon receiving message from Diavolo, everyone had exited their rooms for the first time in a while, looking like they were dragged through the mud. The state they were in made Diavolo jump with surprise, shocked to find that even Lucifer looked like he was ill. “What happened to you guys?!”

“What is it that you need, Lord Diavolo?” Lucifer asked as he ran a hand through his hair to compose himself a bit in front of the red haired man. “If is nothing important, may I kindly ask you to leave and return another time?”

Diavolo sighed, shaking his head lightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what’s up with you guys, but I brought everyone’s favorite person along with me so sing your praises now!”

Mammon huffed, “If ya’ talking about that butler of yours, ain’t nobody care right now! We got bigger things to worry about!”

Barbatos simply smiled, taking no offense to the sly insult thrown his way.

Diavolo cocked a brow in confusion. “What? Of course not! It’s-“

The person stepped out from behind Diavolo, catching the attention of every single male in the room. The seven brother’s choked, staring at the one person they had longed for these past few days.

“[y/n]!” They shouted in unison, practically flying down the stairs to get to you. Mammon was the first to reach you, wrapping his arms around your entire body as he tackled you to the floor. The other brother’s climbed on top of you two, hugging you so tightly that you feared this would be where you’d die. “You’re back!”

Diavolo chuckled boisterously. “This is amusing! You lot are acting like you didn’t know they’d return today!” His laugh came to an abrupt stop when he saw the flat expressions coming from each and every brother. “Oh- Did I not inform you?”

“Obviously you didn’t.” Belphegor scoffed with a roll of the eyes, burying his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your scent. “[y/n]...”

“Ya can’t ever leave again! I’ll seriously get angry at ya if this happens again! Ya either go to the human world with me or ya don’t go at all!” Mammon snapped, cupping your cheeks while getting dangerously close to your face to yell at you.

“I’ll severely punish you if you ever leave this manor without giving me a heads up as to where you’re off to. You’re not just an exchange student anymore. You’re special.” Lucifer explained, a panicked glint in his tired eyes as he reached out to pat your head gently with his gloved hand.

Satan sighed, pressing his forehead against your back. “If you leave again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my emotions, so don’t leave.”

The avatar of lust whined loudly, “my beautiful self can’t handle a life without you! Don’t ever go anywhere without me again!” He clutched onto her waist tightly.

“Don’t... Don’t go anywhere.” Leviathan said with a sad frown on his lips as he held your hand, bringing it up to rest against his cheek. “It’s so empty without you.”

“Let’s eat dinner together, [y/n].” Beel suggested, his voice full of emotions as he drooled at the thought of dinner with you.

A million emotions ran through your veins as you sat there, basking in the warmth of their touch. It was overwhelming to receive so much love all at once but it was amazing.

A smile slowly crept onto your lips as you leaned into their touch, enjoying the way they clung to you as if you’d disappear any moment now. “I missed you guys, too.”

“What a lovely reunion!” Diavolo exclaimed happily, snapping a view blurry photos on his D.D.D to send to the group chat later.

After the heartfelt moment, they quickly disappeared upstairs to fix up their appearance before rushing downstairs to the kitchen where you stood. They clung to you like bugs to a light, hounding you about your sudden departure, only to find out that you had gone up there with Diavolo and Barbatos to help the man experience human world activities he had never gotten to try before. Diavolo was sure he had told them that but seeing as they were genuinely distressed, he assumed the message never reached.

Even though they were beyond pissed with Diavolo and his carelessness, they were just glad you were back. Them being here with you really was their idea of a perfect life.

a/n: UH YEA K GOODNIGHT

[youcancallmenoob]

MEAT SWEATS

More of the pig man toughts.

SO I like like him alot. Idk how long this will last so ima try to throw up everything i have now. IF U READ AND LIKE THE MAN/HAVE OWN STUFF MESSAGE ME I WANNA FKING ARF ARF ABOUT THIS MAN.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

There is self insert me. A furry who likes wearing tail and ears outside sometimes (i do. for real) Get mistaken as a mutant and mr MEATYMEATMAN kidnaps you to try to harvest your power. Realizes I’m just a fucking furry so pissed there is no power to leash. BUT he likes ppl and when people recognize him! AND I DO! TOP CHEFF RUBERT HOLY SHIT! 

End up staying around the little kitchen he had build in the subway! Wanting to stay. He is confused by this but lets you. It feels good to have someone “normal” to talk to !

(i keep messing up you and I but that all is same person now based on me just try to keep up)

There is a slow bond growing (and a crush).

He takes longish time accepting that someone might like him in his mutant form... BUT LOVE BLOSSOMS IN THE END!

i don’t have details on these ideas yet :C

Then there is a fight with the turtles at your little hideout! They think you are a victim and take you with them without any questions. Small screaming and drama there Rupert trying to get you back but nope you are yeeted out. No problem right? You can just go back? Turtles take you with them in hopes you know Ruperts plans! YOU ARE PISSED! I AM NOT TELLING YOU! TAKE ME BACK TO HIM! turtles are confused. You wanna go back?? YESSS!!

Maybe Meat Sweats is pairing with the Hipno hypno dud? And you indeed are hypnotised? They keep you in to find a “cure”. All you can do is sit there and wait. Think of a plan to run but you aren’t really a plan gal/dud so you are pretty much stuck. 

THEN THERE IS TWO OPTIONS.

A.

Meat sweats comes in try to just beg you back! The turtles are fucking confused but end up seeing that this truly is just relationship between two consenting adults. and they are indeed the bad guys for kidnapping you.

B.

HE BREAKS IN THE LAIR WITH HELP OF SOME OTHER MUTANT. Turtles are sure its a personal attack and fight! but then it comes clear Sweats is there for you! and this is indeed a saving mission! Same out come turtles feeling like shit about all of it.