#everything I’ve ever worked towards is in the garbage

[spiral-says]

Imma tell tumblr because I can’t tell anyone else but I really might be.. at the end of my rope. Literally haha

[ink-flavored]

Anthology Blast Prompt 7: Shedding Bad Habits

for the Tales from Athendrolyn Anthology Full prompt list for the Anthology Blast Tips are appreciated! Contains: insecurity, peer pressure, mentions of illness/amputation, teenage angst

Aka knew her social life was over.

When her eyes unclouded at the end of the shed cycle, she wished she was blind again. Her scales flaked off in uneven patches, got stuck in hard to reach places, and made her look like garbage. They had tried everything to get their shed to come off in one piece, but nothing worked. Aka gave up after hours of trying to save herself. They hadn’t moved from their vanity since, flopped over on the counter in despair with their arms over their head.

The heat bulbs screwed into the mirror did nothing to help her mood. She couldn’t even be bothered to drag herself into her bed-hide—she didn’t want to shed flakes all over the blankets. Not that it mattered. There were flakes all over the floor from her incessant picking, lost in the carpet. And down there with them, the evidence of her useless work: bottle after bottle of the latest products in naga scalecare.

Scale shines, scale buffs, scale hydrators, lotions, magic salves—everything. Aka tried at least a dozen of the best cosmetics, the ones all her friends and classmates and favorite creators were using. All of them promised perfect scale health, an effortless shine, and most of all, easy sheds. But not for Aka, apparently. She was doomed to have crap scales for her entire life, and she’d probably wither into a husk before being allowed to go out in public again.

There was a knock on the outside of her bedroom wall. “Hey, snakelet, it’s me.”

“Go away, Jun!” she snapped. She did not need her parent’s stupid, useless comfort right now. She needed to find a way to wear a full-body sock to school on Monday.

“I know you’re upset, Aka,” xe said, not going away, “but everyone has a bad shed every once in a while. All your clutchmates—”

“I don’t care!” For once in their life, they wished they had tear ducts. “It’s not like any of you understand what this means for me.”

“Sure I do.”

“Just leave me alone.”

“You don’t think I ever had a bad shed when I was your age? Or that nobody ever made fun of me for it?”

Aka didn’t reply, tongue flicking toward the thick entrance curtain. They hadn’t really expected that. Jun didn’t talk much about what xir life was life when xe was their age, but…

“Fine,” she relented, and dragged herself off the vanity.

She opened the curtain for Jun, coiled up in the hallway and tongue-flicking anxiously. Aka didn’t see what xe was so worried about, considering xe had a perfect shed this month. Xir glossy red and black-spotted dorsal scales, shining from xir tale to xir nose, made her wish she was blind again. Subtle pale yellow scales outlined every dark spot and the V-shaped stripes over xir head and snout. Even xir checkered belly was flawlessly shiny and new, and she knew Jun didn’t use any scale products. She couldn’t believe they were related.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Jun said, smoothing their flaky head.

“Yeah, whatever.” She brushed xir off. “Are you going to say something or what?”

Jun wasn’t looking at her. Xir eyes went right over her head to scan her bedroom, tongue curving in the direction of her vanity. “You know,” xe said, “the best way to fix a stuck shed is to soak in the bath.”

Aka groaned. “I don’t want to take a stupid bath.”

“Don’t you want to finish your shed?”

“I tried!” She threw her arm back to the mess of products. “I’ve done everything and it’s not working.”

“Except take a bath.”

“It won’t work! It’s just going to wash off all my scalecare and I’ll be right back where I started.”

“Maybe. But is that scalecare really doing anything for you now?” When Aka didn’t respond, Jun kept going. “Scale shine isn’t going to help you with stuck shed in the first place. If you really want to wear it, you can put it on your fresh scales after we get your shed off.”

Xe held out xir left hand, the one with the missing finger. Aka frowned at it. If the specialty scalecare products did absolutely nothing for her, what good would a bath do? It’s not like water was better for her scales than the other stuff.

But maybe she could start fresh. After she washed all the product off, she could try again with a fresh slate. Maybe she put them on in the wrong order or something.

“Fine,” she sighed, and took xir hand. “I’ll try taking a bath.”

Jun didn’t make her hold xir hand the whole time, thank the Gods. Just squeezed once and let go, letting her follow at her own pace. Slithering behind xir, Aka couldn’t help but feel envious of Jun’s scales again. Xe had lost the very end of xir tail, but xir shed still came off perfectly every time. It didn’t make sense—Jun hated the scalecare products she used, but never really explained why. Did xe just assume that everyone else had the same “good shed genes” xe had? Probably. Whoever Aka’s other parent was must have given her the flaky gene.

When they got to the bathroom, the recessed floor in the “bath” half of the room was already full. Jun dipped xir hand in to check the temperature, and the water bobbed against the tile lip that kept it from spilling over onto the other side.

“You planned this,” Aka remarked, not bothering to phrase it as a question.

“I knew you needed help with your shed,” xe replied, flicking the water off. “But if you didn’t want my help, I would have taken a soak anyway.”

Aka found that hard to believe, but it was pointless to argue. They slithered over the ledge and into the warm bath, hanging onto it as the rest of their body followed behind. They tried not to watch as their dull, flaky scales slunk into the water. Some of the dried shed scraped off over the tile lip, fluttering like dead leaves to the bright white floor.

Once all of their body was submerged in the bath, laying in a haphazard trail, Aka folded their arms on the ledge and rested their snout on it. “There. Soaking,” she droned.

“I can leave you alone, if you want,” Jun offered, fully coiled up on the other side of the bath.

“You can stay. Only so you can see how this doesn’t work.”

“Go ahead, then.” Xe pushed a floating basket of bath products toward her, including a rough-bristled brush. “Prove me wrong.”

Aka snatched the brush out of the basket and turned to fruitlessly scrub at their side. To her surprise, little flakes of stuck shed were already peeling off. The little brownish pieces that used to be her scales floated by in the water.

“See?” she said, triumphantly throwing the brush back in the basket. “I don’t even need the brush.”

Jun tongue-flicked at her. “Maybe the water is helping after all, huh?”

“No.” She hunkered back down on the tile barrier. “I just needed to let the product sit for a little longer.”

“Really, Aka?”

“Yeah, really! You’re just mad because you already hate scalecare stuff and want to be right all the time.”

Jun’s pupils shrank into thin slits, surprised, and Aka sort of wished she hadn’t said that. But still, it was true. Xe was always so worried about all the products on the market, but they wouldn’t be sold if they were unsafe. Xe was just overreacting to a new trend, like any parent would, from any creature’s family.

“How about this,” Jun said. “While you let your scalecare sit, I’m going to tell you about the worst shed of my life.”

“Why?”

“Just because. I think you’re old enough to hear it now.”

Aka stretched out in the bath, getting comfortable. “Fine. What happened?”

“Well, I was about your age, and it started out like any normal shed,” Jun began. “My scales got dull, I went blue, and after a couple weeks I came back to the world again. It was an awful shed, though. I was flaking everywhere, nothing came off in one piece, and no matter what I tried, there were some parts that just never came off.”

“Never?”

“I tried everything I could think of. Nothing helped. Eventually, I gave up and just left it there—it would fall off eventually, right?” Xe shook xir head. “Not even a little bit. I went through three more sheds of the exact same thing?”

Aka nearly hissed. “In a row?”

“In a row. And by the fourth shed, I started to lose circulation in the places the scales wouldn’t come off of, then I lost sensation entirely. And while all this was going on, I was lethargic every day, I could barely eat, I felt weak all the time. By that point, it was obvious something was wrong, so my mom took me to the doctor, but it was too late by then.” Jun flicked the stubby end of xir tail, and raised xir left hand. “My finger and my tail were necrotic. I had to get them amputated.”

A nervous pit opened in Aka’s chest. Necrosis gave her nightmares the first time she learned about it. “Why? What happened, why couldn’t you shed?”

Jun sighed, a long, quiet hiss. “While I was at the hospital, they ran me through all sorts of tests, and the results came back unanimous. I was so dehydrated, my body didn’t have enough moisture to dedicate to getting a clean shed. It was just trying to keep me alive.

“And the reason I was so dehydrated was because I was practically baking myself alive under my heat lamp. Eight hours a day, minimum.”

Aka did hiss that time, shocked. “Eight hours?”

“At least! Sometimes I slept with it on, and no wonder I was exhausted because I could barely sleep with that stupid light hanging over me.” Jun laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I would say I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I know exactly what I was thinking the whole time. I thought I was cool.”

“How is that cool?”

“It isn’t, really. When I was in school, though, everyone said it was the secret trick to having perfect, shiny scales—not just for the month, but for your whole life. It was what all the popular kids were doing, so people started copying them.”

“And you just went along with it?”

“Sure I did. I didn’t want to be an outcast. I didn’t want to be left behind by all my friends, or get made fun of for not having the most perfect scales. It didn’t even work, by the way, dehydration made me duller. But I thought I was the one doing something wrong, so I kept spending more and more time under the heat lamp until, well…” Xe showed off their missing finger again. “Until I realized it wasn’t worth it. Too little, too late, some might say.”

Aka didn’t know what to say. Of all the ways they imagined that Jun could have lost xir tail and finger, they didn’t expect the real answer to be so… boring. Such a mundane, normal story, without any of the drama losing a finger should come with. It was just a dumb mistake xe made, and ended up paying a nasty price for. It could have happened to anyone.

In the growing silence, they saw more and more of their stuck shed floating around in the bath. Without any prompting from a brush or hand, the flakes of scales peeled off on their own. Aka tried to sink a little further down in the water.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jun said, smoothing their arm. “I just want you to know… I know what it’s like, to want to be up to date on all the trends. The obligation to do whatever your friends are doing, to fit in with the crowd. And I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”

“I mean, it’s not like that,” Aka protested weakly. “Scalecare isn’t the same as slow roasting yourself under a heat lamp every day.”

“No, you’re right, what I did was much stupider.”

It was so unexpected they burst out laughing. Jun did too, and she wondered why? How could xe laugh about something like that?

Jun handed her the scrub brush from the basket, missing one finger that could have wrapped around the handle. Aka took it and sat up. Experimentally, she swept the rough bristles over the shed stuck to her waist. It came off easily, in a thin brownish clump.

“The trend in my day was much worse,” xe continued, as she continued to brush, “but Aka… you looked so miserable when those products didn’t work. How many of those bottles did you dump on yourself, eight? Nine? Is it even safe to use them all at the same time?”

Her heart sank, because she didn’t know. She never checked. Aka adjusted her tail to get a new section to scrape, avoiding xir eyes, and trying to remember any of the warning labels. Her shed came off in soggy chunks, slipping free to reveal the fresh, shiny red, black, and yellow scales underneath.

“How many would you have used before you found out? How far would it have gone before you realized that you were never the problem?”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, because she didn’t know what else to say.

“Snakelet, come here.”

Aka dropped the brush in the water and slithered into Jun’s arms. Xe held her tight and stroked her back. More stuck shed peeled off at xir gentle touch.

“I don’t want to tell you what to do with your body,” xe said. “It’s up to you what you put on your scales. But there’s more to life than having an ideal shed every time. Sometimes it’s flawless, but you’re stressed the next month, and it comes out crappy. It happens to everyone, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Scale health is about you staying healthy, not staying perfect. Okay?”

Aka nodded against xir neck. “Okay.”

Jun squeezed them tight. “I love you, snakelet.”

“I love you too.”

Xe pulled back, pupils wide and soft. “Stay in the bath as long as you need, but I have to get dinner started for all of you.”

“Did Ishtha feed Paya yet?”

Jun hissed, a touch annoyed. “No, I don’t think so. I’ll have to ask him.”

“If he doesn’t do it tonight, can I put something else in the tank for her?”

“This is his third day of forgetting to feed Paya, so I’ll say sure. She’s been a puzzle cube for a while anyway, I’m sure she’d appreciate something new.”

“Okay!” She crossed her fingers, and hoped her brother forgot to feed the family mimic and lost his copying enrichment privileges.

“You have to remember to feed her too, Aka.”

“I know, I know!”

Jun patted her head one last time before xe left, slithering out of the bathroom, closing the curtain behind them. Aka watched xir body uncoil and disappear behind the thick drapery, and left them alone to scrub at their shed.

It took a bit of time to go down the length of her body, and huge, gross chunks of dead scales floated in the bath by the time she was done. But once she drained it all away and dried off under the bathroom lamp, Aka felt like a brand new naga. Her scales glistened without the help of any product. In fact, it all washed down the drain, just like she complained it would. Somehow it didn’t bother her.

Aka forgot all about her stuck shed by the time dinner was ready, and only recalled her distraught state when she came back to her room. Bottles of scalecare products thrown everywhere, flakes of scales scattered on her vanity and the floor.

She slithered over and picked up one of the discarded products. To be honest, it wasn’t even that high quality a brand. Maybe… she didn’t need all of these.

One by one, Aka sorted through their collection. Most of them ended up in the trash.

-

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[scuttlingcrab]

Can you pls do a Durge x Raphael after their first kill at the camp? Would LOVE to see what you do with him in that situation. ;)

Thank you for this, Anon! I’ve gotten a few Durge prompts that I hope to fulfil this month, as I’m finally making my way through playing The Dark Urge for the first time! (This run is Durge resisting the Urge, haha) Hopefully by the time they release the new endings in September, I’ll go fully evil. One thing though.. I am OBSESSING over Minthara… so I’m hoping to start writing some fics focused on her real soon because MAMA MIA!

Summary: After Raphael witnesses Tav committing a gruesome murder, he begins plotting how he could use their vulnerability, and lack of memory, to his advantage.

Notes: Warnings for violence.

Link to my other work in the Devil's Archive.

In the Dark of the Night

(Image via red-dead-sakharine)

Raphael spent another night at Tav's camp, lurking from the comfort of the treeline as he watched them eagerly, playing with his fingers in anticipation for what he hoped would be a bloody spectacle. He failed to keep count of how many nights he stood there, spying on them since their first encounter at the Druid Grove. 

Far too many at this point, embarrassing even for a Devil’s standards. 

He obviously had other imperative things to be getting on with, he would never be able to succeed in uniting the Hells by simply dawdling about and waiting for things to fall in his lap. Though much to his chagrin, being present at that wretched mortal camp slid to the top of his priority list. Even more than his infernal duties and all the discarded contracts that piled up the longer Raphael bid his time. He could practically feel the mounting pressures digging into his shoulders, his knees buckling from the weight of it all. 

Then there was the Crown of Karsus, always that damned Crown with Raphael. Since the fall of Netheril, he had been swept away by the promises of glory, of dethroning Asmodeus and occupying his seat of power in Nessus.

The wounds of that fiasco, of letting his father get the best of him, never fully healed. The mistakes played repeatedly in his memory. Over and over. As a lesson and as a punishment.

Raphael cursed all three of the Chosen for wasting the relic’s true potential on an Elder Brain, thinking that alone would aid their plights for total domination. The crime of the millennia. Those damned imbeciles! By the Gods, Raphael laughed, cried, and raged at the notion when he first heard Gortash had succeeded in breaking into Mephistopheles' vault, stealing the one and only artefact he had ever desired. 

It would all spectacularly blow up in their faces soon enough. The Crown’s earth shattering waves, its raw power, could be felt even in his House of Hope as the strength intensified, the doomsday clock proceeding with its countdown. Raphael would be there, watching their work crumble at their fingertips, witnessing firsthand the Chosen's faces warping in horror at their doomed fates. 

Despite everything, unseen forces still managed to push Raphael in the direction of those foolish mortals again and again, and towards one individual in particular. The Devil had watched each companion closely, but his obsession grew with Tav. No magic or potion could dislodge them from his waking thoughts in the days after the Nautiloid crash, or rid them from invading his dreams.

In truth, the other companions were dull, uninspiring, and Raphael quickly discarded them like a worthless piece of garbage. Of course, he could use their souls, he would never say no to that, but he had no interest in going out of his way to secure a deal when Tav offered him so much more.

At their first meeting, Raphael instantly recognised the rotting strength of Bhaal oozing from Tav, his nose twisting in repulsion from the memories the smell elicited. Yet something was different about them, unlike the other Bhaalspawn he had come in contact with. He couldn’t quite place it at first until he focused on their visage. Their skin was pale and their eyes bloodshot, flashing nervously around the room, as if they heard voices scratching against their skull. 

When was the last time Tav killed, truly? Made a glorious sacrifice in the name of Bhaal? He had never seen someone suffer such a withdrawal or resist Bhaal’s murderous temptations. They could only go on for so long until something snapped, satisfying their urge, and quieting their God.

Something big was brewing and Raphael wasn’t going to miss a moment. 

Raphael peeked his head through some bushes as he gave the camp another once over, his eyes darting to Tav near the campfire. They still remained lying on their bedroll, sleeping soundlessly. 

Without notice, Raphael’s skin prickled and he stiffened, holding on to the nearest tree trunk as his chest spasmed. His upper body continued to be yanked forwards in an abrupt, and rather rude, summons. 

“Korrilla…” Raphael hissed.

He clenched his jaw in anticipation, loud drumming filling his ears as he flickered in between the forest at the campsite and his House of Hope. The two locations could not have been more different, the contrast assaulting his senses. Images of Korrilla filled his vision as he was pulled further from the mortal plane. She stood in his central chamber, arms crossed and impatiently tapping her feet.

“You are late for a meeting, Master.” Korrilla warned, her voice rattling through his head. 

“I am busy.” Raphael growled, practically tearing the final syllable apart in his mouth.

“I can keep them waiting for only so long before they will start asking questions… I do not want to hear your complaints when they retreat back into their Iron Tower.” Korrilla raised an eyebrow as a final plea.

Raphael paused as the pair engaged in a staring contest.

“Very well. Tell Dispater I will be with him shortly. I am willing to forfeit a few more souls to appease him, that should be an effective enough apology for the Archdevil. I will join you once I am finished with this prospective client.”

With that, Raphael viciously snapped his fingers, cutting off any further communication with the Warlock. 

Raphael groaned, removing his hand from the tree. The wood was scorched, leaving a deep charred imprint where he had grasped it. His fingertips still sizzled and he blew on them, hoping to cool himself down. Let the Lord of Dis wait. This was far more pressing. He rubbed his temples, blinking away the rest of the discomfort from the summons, the world around him finally stilling. 

He peeked through the bushes again and gasped, his heart dropping to his stomach. Tav was no longer sleeping, but stood tall. They were speaking to a bright-eyed Tiefling named Alfira, who had only just joined the camp. The other companions around the campfire, Shadowheart, Astarion, and Karlach, remained lost in their dreams, undisturbed by whatever conversation the pair were having. 

Raphael’s scalp tingled as goosebumps ran down his spine and across his arms. And he had nearly missed it! He held his breath, remaining frozen in place, on the off chance Tav might hear his quickening heartbeat. 

Alfira smiled at Tav, looking at them with adoration and warmth, seeming to have an overall pleasant exchange. As she talked, Tav reached for the dagger at their belt, slowly unsheathing it. They aimed it at the Tiefling’s throat, unmoving as their knuckles grew whiter from squeezing the hilt. Alfira jumped back, arms out wide in shock. She laughed nervously, eyes dancing between the dagger and Tav. 

The poor thing... 

Raphael barely saw it, the movement was smooth, swift, and clean; faster than lightning, but the damage was done before Alfira could even register what happened. Within seconds, her eyes grew in terror, nearly bulging from her head as a cut appeared across her throat. She held onto the wound as blood began to gush through her fingers, quickly soaking her dress. She opened her mouth, attempting to call out for help, for anyone, but she never had a chance to utter another word. Alfira collapsed, falling onto her back. Tav lunged at her, as if caught in a trance. Their stabs were deep and personal, and seemingly never-ending. They somehow found a new spot to dig their dagger in again and again long after Alfira expired.

Blood rushed to Raphael’s head, his ears pounding like war drums as Tav began gutting the Tiefling. They proceeded to use the gore spilling from Alfira to paint the markings of Bhaal around the corpse. 

So the deed was done. It all happened in a matter of minutes, but to Raphael it felt like hours had passed as he observed from the shadows. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from the scene, they sparkled with curiosity and acclaim for the sheer skill of the murder. And for the possibilities that awaited him. 

With the dagger back in its sheath, Tav stood as still as a statue, their arms outstretched, basking in the kill.

Raphael took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. The second act was about to begin. 

He would need to compose himself before making a grand entrance, otherwise it would scare Tav away. His usual flair for theatrics might not suit their tastes on this occasion; he needed to ease their nerves, guide them back from the spell they were under and use that to his advantage. 

Snap! 

Raphael teleported behind Tav, sitting casually on one of the massive boulders next to the campfire. 

“You are quite the artist.” Raphael began, crossing his arms in front of him. “I should applaud you, but I’d risk waking the others.” 

Tav twirled around, drawing their dagger at his sudden appearance. Recognition flickered in Tav’s eyes and the weapon staggered for a split second as they nearly lowered it, but they quickly changed their mind. They took a step towards Raphael, the dagger aimed at his heart.

Raphael raised his hands as an act of surrender, he wouldn't dare trigger another murderous episode so soon. Though, he let that thought remain… wondering if they would go so far as to massacre their entire camp?

“I must admit, I was rather taken by your commitment and overall execution. The nature of your work always piqued my interests. Although I don’t think I could ever stomach something such as…” Raphael tilted his head towards the corpse. “Truly, it was an honour getting to see a master perform such barbarity in the flesh.”

Raphael rose from the boulder, giving his deepest bow as a sign of respect. 

Tav turned around, only just realising the body behind them. They backed away from it, dropping the dagger as their hands trembled. 

“I… huh? No. No! W-what is going on? What is the meaning of this? Is this one of your cruel jokes, Devil?”

“A joke? Hah!” Raphael promptly covered his mouth as the laughter escaped his lips. He looked around the camp cautiously, waiting for at least one of the companions to stir, but they all remained asleep. 

He resumed, in a quieter, hushed tone.

“No, no, my murderous friend, there is no blood on my hands. See?” Raphael twirled his digits, taking a moment to admire his nails amid the glowing campfire. “Look carefully, the evidence is all around you.”

Tav’s head dropped to their hands, their eyes deepening with dread as they took in all the blood. They desperately tried to wipe away the evidence on their trousers, their nightshirt… but it remained stuck to their skin. They fell to their knees, grabbing their head and pulling at their hair.

“Oh Gods… NO! I-I don’t know… no…I… it makes no sense, I was only…”

Shadowheart stirred in the sleeping bag next to Tav. Warily, Raphael raised his index finger to his lips. 

“Hush now, else you’ll rouse the entire camp. I don’t imagine you’d find that very helpful.”  

“This is all a nightmare. Yes. A nightmare. This whole thing, it’s not real. No. Nothing is real. You’re not real. I’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal. That’s it. You’re OK. You’re OK…”

Tav folded into a ball, holding on to their knees as they rocked back and forth, muttering nonsense. Raphael titled his head, his face a mask of serenity but his eyes burned, radiating with excitement. 

“Do you have no memory of… ?” Raphael pointed towards the corpse. 

Tav shook their head, staring coldly at Alfira’s body.

“I… I don’t remember anything. Nothing. Not from tonight or before that fucking crash. I barely know who I am. It’s like I never existed.”

Tav’s face curled with distaste at the situation, their eyes glazing over in resignation. Countless opportunities flooded towards Raphael like a dam bursting, nearly knocking him over. Oh, the things he could do with this newfound knowledge, how he could shape and mould Tav as he saw fit. How utterly delicious.

All he had to do was snap his fingers and their memory would be restored… It was that easy. But the truth would destroy them. They weren’t ready to learn what they were, what they were capable of. They’d self-destruct, surely. Dooming all his future plans, the thousands of years he spent planning, scheming. No, it was not a gamble he was willing to take. Not yet.

“Perhaps I can be of service then?”

Tav slowly looked up at Raphael, their eyes concentrating on him.

“You’re unfortunately too late.” 

“My, we give up easily. The body. Allow me to dispose of it for you.”

Tav opened their mouth, their forehead scrunching. 

“I don–”

Raphael raised his hand dramatically above him, cutting their words short as he prepared his thumb and middle finger.

Snap! 

Alfira’s body disappeared in a flurry of sparks. Tav jumped back, suppressing a scream at the sudden fiery display.  

“I’ll give you this one for free. And mind you, this is entirely an altruistic act. I don’t ever want to hear you or any other mortal say a Devil can’t be sympathetic again.”

“Why…?”

Tav’s eyes filled with tears as they looked away from Raphael, shaking their head in confusion. In denial. The Devil kneeled down, placing a comforting hand on their shoulder, squeezing it lightly. He allowed his fingers to soak up the warmth from Tav, leaving his hand to rest on their body for perhaps a second too long.

“Merely a taste of what’s to come, of what I can offer you in the days ahead. The next one will come at a price however, which we can negotiate in due time.”

“And my memory…?” Tav sniffed, their eyes locking with Raphael’s.

"It will return. You might not want to know who you really are, in the end. But when you’re ready, I will find you. I’ll be watching.”

Raphael stood up, patting away the dirt from his knees.

“Oh, I’d wash the blood off your hands if I were you. And maybe get rid of that little shrine to Bhaal while you’re at it. Your companions will be asking questions in the morning and you don’t want to cause any more suspicion.” 

Snap! 

A flaming portal appeared behind Raphael, leading straight to his Chamber of Egress.

He made one final flourishing bow to Tav, before turning away from them and walking through the gateway.

"Oh, the fun we’ll have." Raphael whispered, humming a tune as he disappeared. "Together, we’ll paint the town red."

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | vii

After days of radio silence, a heartbroken y/n makes an attempt to find comfort in the closest thing to Jake; his twin brother. Josh works his magic and manages to penetrate the tough exterior she’d been building since the big blowout. She questions her own heartbreak enough to jump on a plane to Atlanta, realizing that ending things so abruptly may have caused herself more hurt than good

Read part six here

Read part eight here

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 7.6k

Warnings: sadness/depression, insecurity, anxiety, breakup talk, unhealthy coping mechanisms, long emotional talks, smoking (marijuana), crying, angst, fluff, sorry if i miss any!

howdy. i am so happy to be here again with y’all. i’ve been writing this fic steadily since I released the last chapter, and it’s gotten pretty long, so I had to split this one in half! im getting so excited for the end of this just so i can wrap it up and everyone can be happy 🤩 there’s gonna be one more after this so there’s some more fluffy smuttiness to end this saga on a high note. thanks for the support thus far, and sorry for the drama in the last chapter 😞 i promise it doesn’t last too long and it is completely cleared up in this one! as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

~

The days passed slowly, dwindling down into one big, long, never ending cycle. Your clothes were piling up in the laundry basket, there were empty fast food bags littering you floor, and the steady stream of unanswered texts and calls seemed to never stop. It was nearing a week since the ‘Twitter incident’ (which was the only was it was allowed to be referred to) happened, and you hadn’t broken the radio silence with Jake yet. He never gave up, though. Through everything, you did have to admire his persistence. It was the day you were originally set to fly to Atlanta, and it was taking every ounce of your strength to not tear up the plane ticket and throw it in the garbage.

Jake’s name was a taboo subject in the house, and your friends knew that. When you had taken almost permanent refuge in your bed, they had practically given up hope that the situation would ever resolve. You rarely left your room unless it was to use the washroom or grab a food delivery from the front door. Your laptop remained in your bed and you worked from there. Hiding away was easier than facing the hard conversations, you decided. You were heartbroken, definitely, but more angry at yourself that you couldn’t get over your fear and just answer his phone calls, even just to end things maturely. You’d convinced yourself it was easier to end things on a what-if, rather than a certainty.

All of the items Jake gifted you were neatly placed on your desk, his sweater on the bottom and his cologne on top. The small box containing the ring was loudly laying next to it, and the plane ticket in the envelope was gently resting at the top of the pile. You had no idea what to do with them. The sight of them alone made your stomach turn. You wanted to throw them all in the trash, or burn them, just so you never had to see them again, but there was a bigger part of you that wanted to put the sweater back on and remember him for a little while. It was a hateful battle you were fighting with yourself, and there seemed to be no end in sight. You wanted to feel close to him, but you didn’t want to think about him. You wanted to love him, but every part of your body was holding you back.

Your end of day meeting wrapped up and you closed your laptop, wondering if you would be able to get some shut eye. You were teetering between not sleeping at all and sleeping only when you shouldn’t be. As you shoved the computer to the side and turned towards the wall, you reached to the corner of the bed and pulled a pillow into your chest. It was a much neglected one, lost and forgotten in the mess of all of the others. When you buried your head into the pillowcase, your breath caught in your throat. The scent was familiar, but extremely faint. Even so, you’d recognize it anywhere. The ever so subtle hint of his shampoo dusted with the remanence of his cologne felt like a punch in the stomach. You wanted to throw it away, to get rid of it completely, but your arms wouldn’t let go. The longer you breathed it in, the more the tension left your body. Your eyes fluttered shut, feeling more comfort than you had in days.

A little while later, you woke up to the sun setting outside of your window. The golden glow cast a peaceful aura over the otherwise gloomy room. You stretched, taking in a deep breath before rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You were stiff and beyond sore from laying in bed so much. The blankets were tangled around you and your head felt a little bit clearer; it had been a few days since you’d gotten any amount of sleep that was actually restful. Unwillingly, you hauled yourself out of the bed. You found your cigarette pack and pulled out a joint, placing it between your lips. You figured that you’d be able to get some more sleep under the right circumstance.

You hoisted yourself up on the deep windowsill, swinging your legs up and resting your back against the wood. You slid the window open, feeling the fresh air hit you in the face. You let out a sigh of relief, enjoying the moment of clarity. You lit the end of the joint after you popped the screen off the window. You let your hand rest outside, trying your best to keep the smell minimal. You pulled your phone from your pocket, clicking the screen on and checking the time. Before you put it away, you attention was grabbed by your last received text message.

Twin Rockstar

Please call me, mama. I won’t tell Jake I was talking to you. Just want to hear your voice.

A feeling of guilt ran through you. You were so caught up in how you were feeling about Jake that it clouded over the love you had for his brothers. You stared at the message until the joint was burnt out, unsure of what to do. In a moment of irrationality, you clicked on his contact and hovered over the call button. After a second, you found the confidence to hit dial. It rang once, and your stomach churned with uncertainty. It rang twice, and you debated hanging up. When it rang the third time, you didn’t have time to doubt yourself, because he had answered.

“Y/n?” He breathed. You were frozen, unsure of how to respond.

“H-hi,” you eventually mustered, realizing how scratchy your voice sounded. A week of barely talking and smoking like a chimney had done your vocal cords no good.

“I can’t believe you called.” He said, sounding a bit exasperated. “I was expecting you to ignore me forever. I didn’t really plan out what I was going to say.” He gave a nervous chuckle. You weren’t sure how to respond. “Can you FaceTime me? It’s just me in my room, I promise.”

“I don’t look very presentable,” you mumbled. Josh’s heart was breaking at your sullen tone. You sounded like you barely had any life left in you.

“I think you’re beautiful no matter what.” He said. Within a second, he requested the video call. You accepted, heart aching at the sight of his face. You never realized how much he looked like his brother until now. He took in your features, the dark circles encasing your under eyes, the paleness of your skin, the bloodshot eyes. “I miss you, mama.” He said, finally. He knew better than to bring anything else up, scared it might make you end the call.

“I miss you, too.” You admitted, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “I’m uh, not sure what to say, either. Just called because I wanted to hear your voice, too, I guess.”

“That’s okay. I’m just happy you did.” He said. He was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed, holding the phone up so you could see the background slightly.

“Are you…” you trailed off, not knowing the best way to approach any conversation. “Are you in Atlanta, now?” Your voice cracked a bit as you spoke, but you cleared your throat to cover it up.

“Yeah, we got here earlier today.” He informed you. You gave a small nod. “You know, that invitation is still there.” He whispered. Your heart sped at the mention of your ticket. “It can just be me and you, we can hang out for a few days. You don’t even have to come to the show.” He explained. “Even though everything happened, you’re still my friend. I think so, at least.”

“Of course we are, Josh.” You assured him. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him. “I just couldn’t do that to Jake.” Even as you willingly spoke his name, your heart ached. “I’d never use the ticket he bought for me and not tell him.” Josh gave a solemn nod. “Uh… how is he? Jake, I mean. I just-you know what? Never mind.” You let out a small laugh at your own stupidity. You weren’t even sure if you wanted to know.

“How is Jake?” Josh let out a chuckle, pondering his answer to the question. “Um, well, he’s pretty much unbearable to be around.” Josh said as nicely as he could. “Not very good, if I had to guess. He’s always angry, showing up late to everything and barely participating, and he doesn’t really speak to us unless he has to. He broke a string on his guitar during soundcheck earlier and just… left. Haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

“I’m not going to sit here and throw a pity party for him. I’m not gonna force you to talk to him, either. But he is miserable, and we have no idea what to do about it. It’s not your fault, though. Don’t think I’m blaming you, please.”

“It kind of is, isn’t it?” You posed the rhetorical question. “I mean, yeah, he broke my heart, but I broke his, too.”

“I don’t think any hearts were broken intentionally.” He corrected. You didn’t answer, only watched his face with a hint of sadness growing inside you.

“You guys really are twins,” you noted, talking more to yourself. He gave a small smile. “I miss him. A lot.” You finally admitted. “And that’s not like me. I don’t know what happened that day, and a huge part of me doesn’t really want to know. But there’s also this hole in my heart that I just can’t seem to fill. I’ve always been so good at shutting people out, and moving on as if they never mattered to me in the first place. I hate being love and I hate being vulnerable, but I almost miss it, now. He made it seem less than horrible.” Your voice was dangerously quiet.

“Do you still want to be with him?” He questioned. Your eyes fell to the window again, hoping to avoid his gaze.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “I’m just… terrified. Like absolutely fucking terrified. Falling for him was so easy. I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way for someone ever again. But, that also means he has the power to hurt me more than anyone else in the world. If he decided to get up and leave one day, he just walks away unscathed, and I lose a whole part of me. I don’t like that feeling. It scares the shit out of me.” You picked at a hangnail on your finger, too nervous to look up at him. “If you couldn’t tell, I hate depending on people for anything.”

“But you don’t have to depend on him, mama. You were happy before he came along, and you were happy when you guys were together. You didn’t start dating him because you were searching for happiness, but because you wanted to make him a part of your happiness.” You were mad, because you knew he was right. You hated nothing more than someone speaking reason while you were hurting. “As for the hurting you part, I know he already did. I know that it was not intentional, but he still did, and you’re allowed to be upset about it. I also know that he would never be stupid enough to hurt you again, because he’s really paying for it, now. You don’t have to be scared of him, because only thing he wants to do is love you.” You felt tears sting your eyes. “I’ve been by Jakes side his entire life. I’ve seen every girlfriend, fling, breakup and make-up. Nobody in the world has ever compared to you. I can see it just in the way he looks at you, or when he talks to you. If you want to love him, then do it. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared. We’re all scared of something, but all it does is ruin the chance of something fantastic.” You thought about what he said, clinging on to every word.

“He didn’t cheat on me, did he?” You seemed to already know the answer as you asked the question.

“No, he didn’t. If he did, I would have killed him, myself.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“So in short, I just overreacted and ruined everything.”

“No, I wouldn’t say that. The internet is crazy, and it’s great at spreading rumours. If you’ve been hurt like that before, I can see why you were upset. Didn’t help that he forgot to tell you where he was or what he was doing. But it was innocent, and if you’ll let him, that’s his responsibility to explain what happened.” He said. You felt a bit of relief after days of misery. You were a bit angry with yourself for being so stubborn and not talking to him sooner.

“I think maybe I just wanted an excuse to run. I’m really good at that. It’s all I’ve done my whole life.” You admitted. “Commitment was never my thing. The only times I ever let myself get involved with someone, it ended terribly. Guess I was subconsciously trying to avoid an even bigger blowout.”

“We can always change, y/n. I’m not telling you to do anything. I just hope I’m helping make your decision a little easier. If you want to come to Atlanta, you’re more than welcome. Even if it’s to scream at him, or for closure, or even to propose to him. It wouldn’t matter. He’d just be happy you showed up. My opinion of you doesn’t change. It would suck if you didn’t get back together with him, because you’d be a super cool sister-in-law, but that’s your choice.” You both let out a laugh. “I won’t tell him we talked. I’m just happy to hear from you.”

“Thanks for listening, Josh. I know he’s your brother, and nothing will ever come between that. I’m just glad you don’t hate me on his behalf.”

“Come on, now. Do you really think I’d ever hate you? Fuck, he doesn’t hate you, either. I know he sits in his room every night and waits for you to call. Kinda sad, if you ask me.” You chuckled. “He wants to fix this. If you want to, too, all you have to do is say the words.” He assured you.

“Okay,” you breathed. “I have some heavy thinking to do.”

“Seems so, mama. Want me to leave you to it?” You knew it was probably for the best, but you didn’t want him to hang up. You missed him, even if you’d been actively avoiding him. He also reminded you of Jake, and in some sad way, it was the most comfort you’d felt in days. “I don’t have to, if you don’t want me to.”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t keep you and make you listen to my problems any longer.” You joked.

“It’s a pleasure to listen to your problems. I missed you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you, too.” You smiled. “Thanks, Josh.”

“Anytime. Don’t disappear on me again, okay?” He scolded. You nodded. “And maybe I’ll see you in a few hours?” A hopeful gleam appeared in his eyes.

“Bye, Josh.” You chuckled. You wanted to answer, but you weren’t sure what to tell him. You didn’t want to get his hopes up for no reason.

“Bye, y/n. Love you.” He said as he hung up. You were left alone again, but you felt better about it than you had in a long time. You popped the screen back on your window and shut it tightly before you jumped down from the windowsill. You looked down at your phone again, seeing a new message from Jake. You read as much as you could from the notification bar, not feeling courageous enough to open it fully. But, you knew what you had to do. As afraid as you were, you couldn’t ignore Jake forever. Even if you both talked it over and went separate ways, it was better than leaving things as they were. You knew you were pushing it if you were going to make the flight, so you got ready as fast as you could.

You set your cell down beside the Jake’s sweatshirt on your desk, abandoning it for the time being. You pulled some jeans and an old sweatshirt from your closet, making your way to the bathroom. You clicked the lock behind you, studying your reflection in the mirror. You looked horrible, borderline sickly. Instead of focusing on that, you flipped the faucet of the shower on. You rid yourself of your dirty clothes, jumping in and quickly washing off the days worth of despair. When you got out, you dried off and dressed yourself. You threw on a splash of makeup, mostly just to cover the dark circles and give your skin a bit more life.

You blow dried your hair, brushing it out and styling it a bit. When you finished, you returned to your room and grabbed the card Jake had given you. You flipped it open, grabbing the ticket and shoving it in your wallet. You packed a small bag, throwing Jake’s sweater in on top of everything. You snapped open the box holding the ring and slipped it back on your finger. In a real moment of weakness, you took the cap off the cologne bottle and sprayed a single spritz on the front of your sweater. The scent surrounded you like a warm embrace on a cold day. You placed it back down and gathered your chargers, throwing them in a carry on. You packed your laptop and checked the time on your phone again.

You had an hour to get to the airport if you were going to make the flight. Jake had booked you a evening flight, allowing you some wiggle room after work. You were so thankful he did, because if not, you’d have already missed it. You slung your bags over your shoulder, quickly checking your pockets to make sure you had everything important, and walked out to the living room. When you reached the main room, Ally and Eve were sitting on the couch watching a movie. When they looked up at you, their eyes widened.

“Can one of you drive me to the airport?” You asked.

“Yeah,” Eve was on her feet faster than she could answer. Ally stood, wanting to go on the trip, too. They followed you to the door and you all filed into Eve’s car. You threw your bags in the trunk before you settled in the front seat and buckled your seatbelt. Music softly played over the speakers, filling the awkward silence as the car pulled out of the driveway. “So…” Eve trailed off.

“I know,” you sighed. “You both told me I should go. I’m stubborn and heartbroken, but you were right. I have to go, even if it’s just for closure and to give him all of his shit back.”

“That’s okay. No matter how it goes, you know we have your back.” Eve said, never taking her eyes off the road.

“M’sorry I’ve been so insufferable.” You apologized, looking out the window at the street signs passing by.

“You haven’t been that bad, really. You mostly just stay in your room. We’ve been worried about you more than anything else. I’m just happy you’re feeling better.”

“Well, that’s relative.” You chuckled. “I’ll give you a better answer about that in a few hours.” She nodded. You pulled out your phone, pulling up Josh’s contact again. You dialled his number, only hearing the phone ring for a second before he picked up.

“Missed me so much you had to call me again?” He teased.

“Seems like you missed me. You answered awful fast.” You replied, feeling a touch of your personality making its way back. “Listen, can you do me a favour?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Meet me at the airport?” You asked, incredibly hopeful. “I should be there around 11.”

“Really?” His tone was completely different, now, excitement radiating through the phone call.

“Yeah.” You said, a smile breaking out on your face. “Don’t tell Jake, please. I just… I want to talk to him in person, and I don’t want him to put any walls up before I get there. I know I would, so…” you trailed off.

“I’ll be there. Secret stays between us. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, either. I’ll see you soon.” You promised.

“See you soon. Have a safe flight.” He said. You ended the call, looking over to your best friend. She was trying to hide it, but a smile was eating away at her face. The rest of the drive went by almost silently. When the car pulled into the drop-off lane, Eve turned to look at you. She reached over, placing a hand on top of yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m proud of you.” She whispered.

“Thank you.” And you meant it. It was extraordinarily hard for you to face an issue like this. It was extraordinarily hard for you to realize that you loved him enough to want to work things out instead of disappear. You got out of the car, them following close behind. You grabbed your stuff out of the trunk and turned to face the two girls. “I love you guys. I may be back tomorrow, maybe in a couple days… who knows.” You gave a nervous chuckle.

“Whenever you do, we’ll be here.” Ally said. A soft smile formed on your lips.

“Let us know when you’re there safe, and call if you need anything. Even if it’s just to scream.” Eve chuckled. You gave them both a hug, holding on a bit tighter than usual.

“See you guys later. Thank you for everything.” You said before you turned. You didn’t let yourself look back at them, scared that you wouldn’t get on plane if you did. Once you were through the main doors, checked in and got your boarding pass. Then, you went straight to baggage, dropping your stuff off. When you went through security, they gave you no issues. You located the gate with ease, having been here a fair few times in the last few years.

You were right on time; had you waited any longer, you likely would have missed the flight. When you boarded, you took your seat and kept your backpack close to you. You pulled out your headphones, giving Josh a quick message telling him you would be leaving in a few moments before putting your phone on airplane mode. You turned on a playlist, pulling your notebook out. The flight attendant came by, checking in on you before takeoff. You asked for a coffee, hoping to be as wide awake as possible when you got there. It didn’t take long for the announcement of takeoff. You sipped on your drink, watching the sky through the window as the earth disappeared.

When you were in the air, you pulled down the tray table from the seat in front of you, setting your notebook down and opening it to your last worked on page. You figured if you had some free time, you could at least get an early start on your work.

You stared hard at your hand drawn chart, grabbing a few highlighters from your pencil case. You highlighted the curve overlaps from hypoglycaemic heart rates and voltage levels, then did the same with the hyperglycaemic measurements. Below, you made notes of the correlation and began the treacherous journey of attempting an equation to describe the relationship. Four pages of numbers and scribbles later, you were brought back to reality by the loudspeaker announcing the plane was prepared to land. The night sky was pitch black, a luminescent glow underneath the clouds from the city lights. You packed all of your things back in your bag, assuring yourself you’d get back to it later.

When the plane came to a halt, all of the passengers were given instructions on how to exit and claim their baggage. You took your headphones out, stuffing them in your pocket, standing while you did so. When you got off, you immediately looked around for a familiar face. When you didn’t see one, you made a move to grab your suitcase. You took your things and went to the main lobby, searching around like a lost puppy. You felt your hope fizzle away when you couldn’t locate Josh. Your heart sped, your brain immediately trying to convince you that you should turn around and go home, that showing up was a terrible idea and Jake wouldn’t want to speak with you. You were plagued with the worst thought of all; Jake really had done the unforgivable, and you were walking into your own grave.

You were shaken from your nervousness when you heard your nickname being called, one you hadn’t heard in days. The one that only sounded right coming out of Jake’s mouth. You looked up, eyes immediately falling on the boy you’d been looking for. A grin was plastered on his face, and he was holding his arms out to you. In lieu of embarrassment, you ran towards him and practically fell into his arms. He held on to you tightly, never wanting to let go. “Hey, mama.” Josh whispered. You didn’t reply, only soaked up the emotion from the hug. Once again, you hated how similar the twins were. If you only felt the hug, you could have sworn it was Jake, especially after going so long without his touch. “How was the flight?” He asked as he pulled away.

“I actually didn’t even realize we were about to land. Got working on my research again, just kind of got caught up, I guess.” You laughed.

“You tired?” He asked, looking over your face. You shook your head.

“No, I actually took a nap before I called you, earlier. Plus they had free coffee refills the whole flight.” He smiled, making a move to grab your bag for you. You attempted to stop him, but he gave you a look of warning. You rolled your eyes but let him take them, anyway. He nodded his head towards the door, signalling that he’d take you back to the hotel. You both left together, opting against any more shared words. He led you to a car, throwing the bags in the backseat before opening the door for you.

“Our rent-a-car for the next few days.” He said, cheerily. You had a hard time feeling so glum around him. He just produced an aura of peace without even trying. He always seemed to know how to cheer you up. You got in, immediately surrounded by the warmth of the interior. You relaxed into the leather seat, finding it much more comfortable than the airplane seats. He got in, too, starting the car with a push of a button. He pulled out of the parking lot, looking over at you through the corner of his eye. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh, nervous.” You chuckled. “Very nervous.”

“Don’t be. I promise you guys will cry for a little while and then it’ll be all sunshine and rainbows.” He smirked. You gave a small smile, unsure of how to answer. “If that’s what you want.” He interjected quickly. “If you want, you can punch him in the face.” He mimicked the action, making you laugh. “Just don’t bruise it too bad, he still has to get on stage tomorrow.”

“Can’t make any promises.” You joked. The drive was filled with silence until he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. Your palms were sweaty, and you were scared you wouldn’t be able to force yourself to go inside. Josh parked the car, shutting off the engine and sat with you while you worked up the nerve to get out.

“You want me to bring your bags to my room just in case?” He asked. You nodded.

“That would be nice, yeah.” You choked out.

“I promise it’s gonna be okay. I’ll be right next door if anything happens. You know you have a bed to sleep in, if you want it.” He assured you. “Jakes going to be ecstatic to see you, if that’s what you’re worrying about. You could probably go up there and spit in his face and he’d say thank you.” You let out a small laugh. “Now come on, they’re no better time than now.” He reached over and pulled you into an awkward hug. You shifted, making it a little easier to return the gesture. You took a few more moments of self-reflection before letting out a long exhale and stepping outside.

Josh collected your things from the car, following behind you as you approached the building. You entered the main doors, admiring the lobby before being greeted by the worker at the front desk. You gave her a sheepish smile as Josh walked up beside you. He guided you to the elevator, ushering you inside and clicking the button for their floor.

The elevator ride seemed to be the longest one you’d ever endured. When the ding signified that the destination was reached, Josh practically had to coax you out with him. He brought you down to the end of the hallway, pointing to a door. Your eyes fell to where he was motioning. “This is it.” He whispered, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. “I’ll be right next door if you need me.”

“Okay,” you squeaked, never turning to look at him. Your eyes were glued to the door separating you and Jake.

“You’ve got this.” He assured you, keying into his hotel room. The door fell shut behind him with a dull thud, leaving you alone with your own thoughts. You wanted to run, to hide and pretend you’d never come in the first place. You were certain that if you did, you may never forgive yourself. If you ran away now and lost Jake forever, you would be miserable. You had to know for sure if you were ever going to move on.

So, you gathered up the nerve to knock. It was way more powerful than you intended. You thought that maybe you hyped yourself up a bit too much. “Fuck off,” a muffled voice sounded from the room. You rolled your eyes and knocked again. He didn’t answer, no sign of movement in the slightest. You sighed, hitting your knuckles against the door once more. Finally, you heard a slur of curse words and a few angry footsteps. When the door swung open, you could’ve fallen to your knees.

He was paler than usual, and his hair was a bit messy. He smelled like whiskey and he was wearing clothes that looked very well worn. But he was just as beautiful as you remembered, and his eyes were just as captivating.

“Hi, rockstar.” He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. He repeated the action a few times before he could produce a sound.

“Y/n,” he breathed, almost as if you were a figment of his imagination. “Can I… can I hug you?” He asked after a few moments of a staring contest. You gave a slight nod, holding your arms out. Without any hesitation, he bounced forward and wrapped himself around you, picking you up and holding you tightly. All of the emotion he’d been holding back was all coming out, now. His head was buried in your neck, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. When he set you back down, he took your face in his hands, studying your features like he had to get to know you all over again.

“I thought you… yeah.” He didn’t have to finish what he wanted to say, too scared for the answer. You shook your head.

“I was hoping that maybe we could talk,” you explained “I would really like to figure this out.”

“Yes, please. I’d like that, too.” He scrambled to the side, motioning for you to come inside. You did so, a bit of hesitancy in your step. When you were inside the room, he shut the door behind you, but didn’t approach. You stared at each other in silence, both unsure of how to begin to process the whole situation. “Did you wanna sit down, maybe?” He asked, finally stepping forward. You nodded your head, looking towards the bed. The blankets were a mess, there were clothes on the floor and a bottle of liquor on his bedside. When you approached the bed, you noticed his phone screen was on and open to your contact. You were certain he never closed it due to the amount of calls and texts you’d gotten from him.

You took a seat on the edge of the mattress while he made his way over. He picked up the mess of clothes and threw them in a neater pile by his bag at the end of the bed frame. He took a seat next to you, leaving enough space between you to make sure you were comfortable. “I’m sorry.” He spoke first. You shook your head, stopping him before he continued.

“I don’t want to hear any apologies.” You said, firmly. “To me, that only makes it seem like you have something to be guilty about.”

“Well, I do, but I don’t think it’s what you’ve been worried about.” He explained. “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Neither did I,” you gave a small chuckle. “Josh caught me in a particularly weak moment and I talked to him for a while. I think he helped put some things into perspective.”

“He’s got a way with words.” Jake reasoned.

“That he does.” You agreed. “I’ll decide if I hate him for it after we’re done talking.” He smiled at the joke. It was small, but even so, it looked so beautiful on his lips. Your chest ached at the sight, the melancholy finally setting in. “I want to say sorry, too, I think. I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that. It was pretty childish.” He gave a shrug, choosing not to input on the statement.

“Why didn’t you answer? Like at all. You could have told me to fuck off, and I would have been fine with it, but just… radio silence.” He mumbled.

“I was scared. Still am.” A small, humourless laugh fell from your lips. “I’m a runner. That’s what I do. I did it the night I met you, and I did it all week, and I think I still want to, now.”

“From what? I know I hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but you ran without an explanation.” You slowly nodded along to his words, your eyes falling to the floor, no longer able to look at his face.

“Yeah.” You replied. “Love terrifies me. I told you way back in the beginning that I wasn’t interested in any more relationships. The last one was really bad. I decided to give you a chance, but it wasn’t really my choice. I fell for you super fast, and then I saw… whatever that was, and I panicked. I tried to cut you out completely because I didn’t want to get hurt again. Turns out, it hurts either way, and there’s no way I could ever forget you.” You barely spoke the last part, afraid to say it out loud. “I think it was my cop out. I always look for an excuse to leave. I convince myself that running when things get tough is a way to save myself from getting hurt even more later on. Cut people out completely and act like it never happened. It’s a pretty vicious cycle.” His eyes were sad at your statement, feeling guilty for even making you think he would treat you like anyone before him.

“I promised I would never treat you like those other people did,” he reminded you “and I didn’t break it, either. Do you really think I’d do that to you?” His question was innocent, laced with curiosity, but you took the defence.

“I don’t know, Jake!” You blurted. “I feel like I know you pretty well, but I haven’t known you for that long. I don’t think you would, but I didn’t hear from you at all and suddenly the internet was buzzing about Jake Kiszka’s new girlfriend! I know I was a bit irrational, but all I could think was the worst! You’re the big rockstar, you travel the world and meet gorgeous women every day, ones that I could never compare to. I don’t know if you give the same story to a new girl in every city, and I feel so fucking stupid for thinking some insignificant girl in Baltimore could give you what you need. We dated for a month and I’ve only seen you three times! What kind of relationship is that?”

“Hold on,” he stopped you, moving closer. He grabbed your chin in his hand and guided you to look at him. “Your rockstar.” He whispered, eyes telling you more than his words ever could. “You’ve got it backwards. There’s no woman in the world that would ever compare to you. You had me wrapped around you finger the minute I met you. You’re the only girl in any city who’s ever gotten that story, and the only one who ever will. I’ve never felt this way about anybody, ever. You can’t be that blind to think you’re insignificant, y/n, especially to me. Even if I’ve only known you for a little while, you’ve become my whole world. Every word I’ve ever said to you, I meant it.” You felt the dreaded tears fill your eyes again, feeling stupid for a whole different reason. He wiped away a teardrop as it fell. “I don’t need to know you for a lifetime, or see you every day to know that I want you and I love you. You give me the world just by existing. I’ve known plenty of people, some for my whole life, but nobody knows me like you do. You listen to me talk about things nobody has ever cared to ask me about before, and you always seem overjoyed to hear it. It took me all of twenty minutes to fall for you at that bar, and I haven’t looked at anyone ever since, and I don’t plan on looking for anyone else ever again. If that’s what you’re scared of, you have nothing to worry about.” You couldn’t contain the waterfalls pouring down your cheeks. It was crazy how you’d only been with him for a few moments, but the week-long hurt suddenly seemed nonexistent. You hated to admit it, especially considering the fear of dependency, but a lot of what you needed to feel better was just simple reassurance. Reassurance that he loved you, and he wanted you, and not anyone else he was meeting along the way.

“Been waiting a while to say that?” You managed out through your cries. He laughed, admiring your ability to joke even if you were hurting. He wiped your cheeks again, looking over your face and finally feeling a shred of peace.

“Yeah, actually.” He chuckled. You reached out and ran your thumb over his cheek, allowing yourself to enjoy his presence. He leaned into the touch, showing you how much he missed it. “I’ll say it again if you want me to.” He assured you. Your thumb swooped down, outlining his jaw and then ran over his bottom lip. He pressed a kiss to it, making your heart flutter.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, this time.” You breathed.

“As for the pictures, I can genuinely explain that, if you’ll let me.” You watched him carefully, scanning his face for a second.

“Okay,”

“By the time I woke up, I figured you were already working. I didn’t want to distract you from your very important and impressive internship.” He said, causing an eye roll from you.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Jacob.” You reminded. He chuckled.

“I know, but I like to flatter you, anyway.” He admitted. “I know when I was talking to you the day before, you were working, and I definitely stopped your productivity. I know you’d never admit it, but I’m a better distraction than I am a help.”

“You’ve never been a distraction, rockstar.” You told him the truth. Not once had you ever felt that way about him. He gave a shrug.

“I went to get coffee and to check out the town a bit, cause I had the whole day to kill before I could really talk to you. So I found a little shop, reminded me of the one we went to the first time I was in Maryland. Did you know coffee shops are the ultimate place to run into people?” He questioned. You didn’t answer, only waited for him to continue. “As I was leaving, someone called my name. Thought it was a fan, so I turned around expecting a picture and a quick conversation, but it was someone I hadn’t seen in a really long time. My sisters best friend from like, all of grade school. I’ve known her since she was like…” he visually measured the height with his hand, stopping it when it was a few feet above the floor. “That tall.” You felt your stomach sink. “She was always at our house. I haven’t seen her since my sister graduated. Turns out she lives in Atlanta now and has a kid.”

“Jake… I’m so sorry.” You said, feeling incredibly guilty now.

“No, don’t be. I lost track of time and didn’t realize my phone was on silent. We talked for hours, got lunch and she showed me around to her favourite spots in town. Didn’t realize what time it was until she had to pick her kid up from school.” He chuckled. “Also didn’t realize how many people were trying to get ahold of me. By that point, the internet had gotten hold of the pictures of us eating together and her wearing my jacket, and it was too late. But I promise you, that was all it was. I can show you pictures from when we were kids, too, just to show you I’m not lying. I looked for some to show you while I was waiting to hear back from you.”

“No, Jake. I believe you. I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through your hair, shaking his head slowly.

“You were right to be upset. A girl you’ve never heard of wearing my jacket and the internet saying we were dating. I completely get it. If it was the other way around and I saw pictures of you with another guy, I’d probably be pretty upset, too. But y/n, you have to know that I would never do that to you. You mean way too much to me for me to just throw it away like that.” He assured you. “I just wish we talked it out sooner. It has been a terrible fucking week without you.” He was putting it lightly, knowing the days prior were way worse than he was able to explain. “But, I know why, now. And I’m not mad at you, either. It was a shitty situation and we kind of lacked in the communication department. It doesn’t change how I feel about you, and I would still really like to be with you, if that’s what you want, too.” You didn’t respond immediately. Your silence caused anxiety to spike in Jake.

“Yeah, I do want that. I’m sorry I overreacted, and I’m sorry I ran. I thought it would be so easy to cut you off and never speak to you again, because that’s what I usually do, but you’re… different. All of the stuff that usually helps me forget just made me think about you more. I think I’m really in love with you, rockstar, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually been in love before. It’s hard for me to come to terms with, because I know you have the power to take the happiness away if you decide to.”

“That’s okay.” He said, relieved you felt the same way. “We can figure it out together. I feel the same way about you, y/n. You don’t have to worry about me taking anything away from you, because you have that power over me, too.”

“Okay,” you whispered. “I think that would be alright.”

“No more running, please. You’re allowed to leave whenever you want, just don’t disappear on me again. I know long distance can be really hard, but I’ve never wanted to make it work more than I do right now. I’m not going to force you to stay if you ever do choose to leave, but I don’t want to lose you over something small, or something that we can fix.”

“Okay.” You said again, more confident now. “I don’t know how to do this properly, or how to stop being afraid, but I’m willing to try it if it means I get to be loved by you.”

“That’s all I ever want to do, y/n.” He said, pulling you closer to him. He rested his forehead on yours, not wanting to push you too far. “I promised that when you graduated for good, I’d by you whatever house you wanted. I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that happens.”

“Me, too, Jake.” You felt your bottom lip quiver. “What did you do to me?” You laughed as another wave of tears hit you. “Making me want to settle down and have a nice house and some kids? I’ve never wanted that before in my life.”

“Guess it’s just the Kiszka charm?” He couldn’t help but laugh, too. You both fell into a comfortable silence, just happy to be loving each other again. After a moment, he broke it. “I suppose I can add taming a spitfire to my resume, now, too.”

“Only if I get to brag about enchanting a rockstar.” You both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“In a true witchy woman fashion.” He sighed, a smile prominent on his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, Jake.” You were so happy to say it out loud again. He pulled you into a kiss, holding you there and savouring the feeling. He hesitated when he parted, not sure if he wanted the moment to end.

“You’re staying, right?” He asked hopefully.

“If you want me to.” You answered, mind still cloudy from the feeling of his lips on you.

“I’d never let you go home if I could get away with it.” He pulled back, settling into the bed a little more. He held his arms out to you, silently telling you to join him. You kicked your shoes off, climbing in next to him.

“This is home.” You whispered.

“A hotel in Atlanta?” He joked while he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him. You audibly sighed in relief, realizing the memory of him was nothing compared to the real thing.

“You.” You corrected, relaxing into the warmth of his body. He didn’t answer, only smiled, knowing he felt the exact same way.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @welllauragvf

[echo-lore]

A while back I read “The smell of plum blossom tea” by WeirdNCrazy (10/10 do recommend) and a minor part of the story was how Macaque was a medic and was teaching Mk how to be a medic

And ever since then I’ve fallen in love with the idea of Mk being a medic or wanting to study medicine

Like I imagine the scenario as to why he gets an interest in medicine is when Pigsy gets sick when he was around 8 or 9.

Like really really sick.

Could barely stand type of sick. He was vomiting everywhere and trembling and coughing. Tang had to force him to close down the restaurant because of how badly sick pigsy was

It was really weird for Mk to see his usually strong and stubborn dadsy left a puddle of misery in his bed and little Mk had been really worried that he wouldn’t get better. Of course tang reassured him that pigsy would get better, and that he would be back to his full strength in no time!

He was in fact not at his full strength in no time. If anything pigsy had gotten worst.

He was really out of it for the most part. Not fully there type beat. And that scared the shit out of both Mk and tang, who was trying really hard to keep things together for Mk but man it was rough.

But late one night, when the sickness was probably at its worst, Mk had gotten a nightmare. Nothing too significant but he still wanted the comfort of his dads. So he found himself outside his dads rooms but the door was alredy slightly open and he could hear tang ranting/crying about how it wasn’t fair that there was no medicine that would work. All the medicine he did give pigsy just made it worst and he was worried that he wouldn’t make it and how he wishes sometimes that the system wasn’t so unfair against demons

But that didn’t make sense for little old Mk. If there was medicine that was for humans why wasn’t there medicine for demons? And what it made so that pharmacies only have human medicine? Both demons and humans lived in the city, shouldn’t they sell both?

And with that, his nightmare was forgotten and he went down the rabbit hole of healthcare for demons.

Which was just a different type of nightmare.

Ignoring that medical treatments tended to cost more for demons, the whole healthcare system was garbage when it came to demons. Unlike humans, it was a lot harder to generalize the effect of certain medicine for demons. Things like type of demon and magic type affected the type of medicine demons could take which made it a lot harder for demons to get over the counter medicine. Everything needed to be approved by a doctor, even just simple headaches relief. And that was if the demon was allowed inside in the first place, many pharmacies and even major hospitals not allowing demons inside their facilities unless properly documented or not being “too dangerous”.

There was also the issue of many demons having horrible reactions to the type of drugs used in human medicine. Demons tend to be more connected with nature which means some can have really bad reactions to the shit that we kinda just made up. And while there are ways for demons to get more natural medicine in the cities, it is usually expensive and predatory towards those who need it.

At the end of all his research he basically realized that the exclusion of demons from healthcare was a silent way to exclude them from society- even if meatropilos was one of the better cities when it came to it.

And Mk thought that was utter bullshit and decided he wanted to have his own clinic- for both demons and humans using ways that work for both species.

All because he was so very terrified he would lose one of his dads when he heard what tang said that night. Sandy ended up finding a clinic that sold medicine that actually work for demons (thought farther from the city center) and pigsy got better in around a week.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

I don’t think anyone would call 2006’s Silent Hill the greatest horror film ever, but it’s hard to deny that it is one of the better early attempts at a video game adaptation. The film has some really baffling changes to the plot, sure, but it’s honestly pretty faithful in regards to the visuals and the atmosphere. Sure, some of the symbolism is thrown in to look cool—what the fuck is Pyramid Head doing here, for one—but it’s readily apparent that this film was made by someone who gets the games, who understands the appeal. The result is a film that, again, isn’t beloved like some video game adaptations but most definitely commands a lot of respect and has a respectable fanbase in and of itself.

The same cannot be said for the 2012 sequel, Silent Hill: Revelation.

This movie killed the career of director MJ Bassett, relegating her to television work since then with her only upcoming project the eternally-stuck-in-development-hell reboot of Red Sonja. It also killed any momentum the franchise had, with it taking 11 years for another film to begin development, and who knows if Return to Silent Hill will even come out (I’d love for it to, especially if it really is adapting the second game).

On top of all that, fans weren’t exactly receptive to it. In fact, they were so unperceptive that this film barely registers in discussions of bad movies at all; if I wasn’t a big Silent Hill fan I probably wouldn’t remember it even exists. But maybe people were too harsh on this film; maybe it’s yet another hidden gem among video game movies. Something you may not know about me is I am a huge video game movie apologist; aside from enjoying the obvious stuff like the recent Sonic and Mario movies, I also enjoy the 90s Mario movie, Street Fighter, both takes on Mortal Kombat… Sure, I’ve seen some garbage like Max Payne and Doom, but the reputation of video game movies as unwatchable garbage is greatly exaggerated in my opinion.

So with all that said, I promised to take you to that town I see in my restless dreams and figure out if Revelation is really that bad, or if the hole of negative reception for this movie is gone now.

THE GOOD

Well, the practical effects are all still pretty good, with some really creative monsters. And there are a few scenes here and there with cool and creative imagery. 

What else... oh! Adelaide Clemens is actually genuinely good as Heather. I mean, the writing for her is as bad as the writing for everyone else, but by god is Clemens really giving it her all. She manages to outshine veteran actors like Malcolm McDowell, Sean Bean, and Carrie-Anne Moss. So props to her!

The soundtrack is pretty decent… No complaints there. Fuck guys, I’m really trying... Hm... Oh yeah! Pyramid Head is here for some fucking reason! It makes no goddamn sense, but I’m ultimately a simple man. I see Pyramid Head, I am happy.

Yeah okay I’m done trying to be nice.

THE BAD

This film is just ass from start to finish.

Here’s something a lot of people don’t understand when it comes to adaptations: Sometimes it’s best not to be completely accurate to what you’re adapting. The first film has the respect it does because it’s a loose adaptation that tells a familiar story with unique elements to it while keeping the core elements that make the series so beloved—the emotional moments, the horror, the atmosphere, the visuals. This film, on the other hand, swings into being way too faithful and trying to shoehorn the plot of Silent Hill 3 into the continuity of the films, which does nothing but rip a dozen plot holes open and comes off as desperate course correction that wasn’t needed at all. I’ll give it this—the movie is putting in a lot of effort to keeping this movement towards accuracy to the games from feeling too contrived.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to appreciate the efforts the film is going to due to how legitimately bad everything is. The acting is undeniably worse all across the board, even from legendary actors like Malcolm McDowell; the script is amateurish and ludicrous, with stupid twists and unbearably bland or bad dialogue in nearly every scene; and the CGI is just not up to the standard the first film set. In a way, this film is the original The Rise of Skywalker in how it dumped everything from the contentious film before it and tried way too hard to course correct to disastrous results, all while the previous film began to get a second look due to the catastrophic failure of the newer one.

The director said she wanted to deliver a continuation of the first film first, and an adaptation of the third game second, but with all the clunky retcons in a desperate attempt to emulate the game we’re left with a poorly-paced mess of a movie that is cramming way too much into a 90 minute runtime. The film is just a fifty car pileup of bad ideas, and genuinely there’s not much else to say. Revelation is so bereft of anything resembling good ideas that there is so little I could say that was positive and everything bad about it is so broad that it’s just not enjoyable to talk about, since what’s the point of singling out a bad element when all the other elements around it suck ass too?

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

This is genuinely, truly a bad movie, but honestly? It wasn’t a painful experience.

Like this movie pretty obviously sucks. It’s an abject failure at portraying the story of the game it is ostensibly adapting to the silver screen, it has terrible dialogue, it wastes its actors, and it seems more focused on gory visuals and cheap jumpscares than actually trying to be atmospheric or engaging. I don’t know if you noticed, but there wasn’t a lot for me to talk about here, and that’s because this film is so dull and unoriginal that there’s really not much to say. I hate that I couldn’t really dive deeper into how much it sucks, but it just sucks in the most tepid, uninspired ways, ways that don’t invoke much besides an annoyed eyeroll from me. It is genuinely like if Michael Bay tried to make a horror film.

Ultimately, though, that’s the very thing that “saves” this; it is just so dumb that I can easily see how someone could mine entertainment from this in a “so bad it’s good” way. Sure, I didn’t like this film and was bored watching it, but I didn’t feel vitriolic hate for it or anything. I just thought it was a subpar horror film that can’t live up to the games or the previous movie, which is a tall order to begin with. And really, is being a subpar horror film that much of a crime? I’d say it’s better than being as dogshit as Slender Man, Smiley, The Bye Bye Man, or any of the other genuinely abysmal horror films I’ve had to sit through. Horror is a genre of extremes, where typically you’ll either see one of the best and scariest films of your life or the most tedious waste of time imaginable that will have you calling for the director’s head. To find a horror film that’s just perfectly and stupidly mediocre is genuinely impressive. I’m gonna say that 4.9 score is entirely completely fair; the movie is just below average, and while it’s certainly shitty there’s no denying that it has some value as mindless entertainment.

Again, this is a bad film. I am not in any way recommending watching this, especially when you could watch the first film (or better yet just play the games). But when you consider some of the crap I’ve had to sit through for this show, I’ll take a bad movie that only gets me mildly annoyed over a bad movie that makes me legitimately angry or offended like Land of the Lost. And as piss-poor as this film is, it’s still a better adaptation than Ratchet & Clank was!

[lifeofschoeny]

Life is a remarkable tapestry woven with countless threads, each representing a unique experience, lesson, or revelation. As I’ve navigated my existence, I’ve encountered moments of joy, sorrow, growth, and transformation. With each passing year, I’ve gained wisdom and insights that shape us into the individuals we are today.

As I celebrate 55 years of life today on this rock, I find myself reflecting on what I’ve learned from this journey. From the peaks of triumph to the valleys of adversity, life has bestowed upon me an abundance of lessons that have illuminated my path and guided my choices. It is through these experiences that I have come to realize that a life well-lived encompasses so much more than a linear progression towards a singular goal.

Some of the below are mine, some are taken from others, but all of them are related to what I’ve learned. By exploring these lessons, I've spent a lot of time thinking and it’s let me gain a deeper appreciation for the depth and breadth of my journey.

1.       You matter first. Caring for yourself is not self-indulgent, but a necessary action for you to remain in good health — both physically and mentally. You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first. 

 2.       Accepting who you are and appreciating yourself is the greatest challenge you will face in life. Don’t worry about when you start. Just start. Develop self-awareness and learn how to love yourself more.  

 3.       Sometimes you will not be OK, and that is OK. Know yourself. Heal yourself. Love yourself. 

 4.       Never underestimate the power of compound interest. This applies to money but also anything or anyone you invest your time in.

5.       Communication is a two-way street, but listening is the most important direction to be traveling in. Learn to pay attention.

6.       Direction is more important than speed. If you're lucky enough to know what you want, you can apply your passion and always love what you do. If you're still working to discover what you want, keep exploring. Either way, stay persistent and determined.

7.       You are defined most by what goes into your brain. Your output depends on your input. Garbage in=garbage out. What you watch, read, who you hang out with, what you listen to/watch all impact how you think. Rule your mind or it will rule you. 

8.       Rest is a activity too. Don’t underestimate the power of doing nothing.

9.       Make moments count. Investing in experiences and time are better payoffs than buying things.

10.   If you have kids, spend as much time as possible with them. You will never, ever regret it, but you will regret the time you could have spent with them and didn’t.

11.   The best way to achieve success in life is by repeating the same small actions day in and day out. Habits matter more than anything when it comes to planning your day.

12.   Things in your life are not static. You will grow and mature as the years go by. Do not believe in labels assigned to you by other people.

13.   Making a difference in the lives of other people can give you a sense of purpose. Even in small, everyday ways, being of service can give your life meaning. You get more by giving more.

14.   Curiosity is your biggest strength. You can learn anything if you are curious and you can talk with anyone if you are curious. Learn the art of asking good questions.

15.   Let go of the things and people that hurt you.

16.   Laugh and laugh often. There are people who think that laughing means you’re not taking things seriously and that you will never get things done while you’re having fun. It’s the exact opposite.

17.   Rejection sucks. It will happen a lot in your life and it will sting. Learn how to handle it gracefully and also to learn from it.

18.   Not everything deserves a response. Sometimes no answer is an answer.

19.   Pay attention to your thoughts and actions whenever you’re alone. The things you think about whenever you’re all alone can reveal many things about you. Make positive self-talk a daily routine.

20.   Travel is the best education you’ll get. You will learn so much – about other people, cultures, a location, and yourself. Do it as often as you can.

21.   You cannot force or will or convince anyone to ever love you. People who want to see you win will help you win.

22.   When you choose your job, select something that gives you a sense of purpose. Believe in what you are doing for a bigger cause. If you lead with anything else your career will just be work.

23.   Use your hands -- garden, make hand-made cards, build crafts with your kids, or cook meals often. Making things with our hands has proven to be beneficial in increasing our happiness levels. 

24.   Surround yourself with five or fewer people who really believe in you. If you have at least one person in your life genuinely supporting you, you are blessed.

25.   We are all made of energy. That means we absorb both positive and negative energy from everything. Make sure you remain close to positive energy otherwise you will be drained.

26.   As much as possible, stay away from alcohol.

27.   There is no such thing as being self-made. Everyone receives help. Remember to express gratitude and acknowledge those who have helped you often.

28.   Appreciate the joy of missing out.

29.   Breathe. Deep breathing is the love language of your nervous system.

30.   This too shall pass. Everything is temporary, including you.

31.   Regardless of what you’ve achieved, there will always be someone better than you are. You will also do at least one thing better than someone else. The earlier you learn to accept it, the happier and more balanced your life will be.

32.   Spend as much time as  you can in nature. It’s scientifically proven that it heals.

33.   Learning to say sorry when you are at fault is liberating as well as empowering.

34.   Growth is a patient game.

35.   To achieve health and longevity cut back on sugar. I’m still working on this one.

36.   There are very few things in life that can’t wait until tomorrow. Slow down. Ask yourself, “Is this an emergency?” If not, then take your time.

37.   Don’t try to be consistently great. Be great at being consistent.

38.   Seriously, wash your hands.

39.   Adversity is just an opportunity to see how you’ll respond to what’s being thrown at you.

40.   There’s never a good time to do most things in life. At some point you’re just going to have to jump and figure out how to build the parachute on the way down. Just begin.

41.   Get some sleep.

42.   If you want to change your mental state, change your physical state first – walk, run, cycle, yoga, stretch. Movement matters.

43.   “Please” and “Thank you” will get you a long way in life.

44.   Most of the pressure and anxiety we feel is self-induced. 

45.   There is no shame is seeking help or support for your wellbeing. 

46.   Everybody wins when you give more and take less. Be more generous.

47.   When you’re spending time with people you love, whether it’s for a few minutes or a several-day stretch, act as if you’ll never see each other again. You won’t regret this mindset.

48.   “No” is a complete sentence.

49.   Pay attention to your emotions, but pay more attention to managing your reaction to your emotions.

50.   When you forgive others, they may not notice, but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.

51.   Be proud of yourself for getting through the days you thought you couldn’t, and never forget the people who took the time to check in on you.

52.   Fixed mindsets in anything will wreck you. Knowing how to adapt in the fast-changing world we live in right now is very important to survive any situation.

53.   It’s okay to quit things that don’t work or no longer give you joy.

54.   The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished. You can find awe anywhere you look. Look for it more.

55.   You’ll be scared to do things. Do them anyway.

[always-andromeda]

I’ve been quietly observing some of the shit going down on my dashboard today…I just wanted to extend a little bit of love to the folks in this community. So please, no one take this as some rando inserting themselves into any narrative or taking sides. I always want to try to take the side of kindness and compassion.

I think we’re all very talented in our own ways. I, myself, look up to so many writers in this community and aspire to be half as talented as all of them. But I also have my icks, the things I can’t stand reading or writing about.

It’s totally fine if someone’s writing isn’t your cup of tea. But if you ever consider sending someone an anonymous message about it, I would urge you to take a step back and work that out within yourself. A lot of us do this for fun and for free. Not because we’re looking for “criticism”. And I say “criticism” with quotations because I’ve seen anons defend straight of hateful comments with the idea that it’s just “criticism”. So sure, let’s say you want to “critique” a writer. If a writer wants their work to be critiqued, they will verbalize that. And you have no place just telling them to just take your “critiques” and get over it.

I think a lot of time this urge to make our distaste known comes from a sense of entitlement. We’re in a massive fandom comprised of so many people and so many ideas that are always floating around. It’s easy to get engulfed in this constant stream of content and interaction and feedback. We curate our online experiences so heavily to make sure that we feel safe. And before we know it, we’re aiming whatever dislike or discomfort we feel towards something at people who are just minding their own business.

And I get it, because I’ve been there too. But at a certain point…I had to let that shit go. It just isn’t worth it. It’s not worth excluding others and making them feel like garbage. Not everything is for you and that’s alright. You don’t always have to give your hot take, especially if it isn’t kind and if no one is asking for it.

In closing, I think that we’ve all got the potential to say and do stupid shit. But at the end of the day, I am begging all of the people who share this community to choose kindness. Even in the face of writing you don’t like, rumors, unkind words, folks you don’t get along with and everything else in between. And if you can’t choose kindness, choose coexistence. And if you can’t choose coexistence, I urge you to take a look at yourself and ask yourself why you can’t.

Love always,

Andromeda ☕️✨

[aspiringtrashpanda]

🔥I’m Alive🔥

In the literal, physical sense, at least.

See below for a long ramble about my life and what I'm working on. No reason, really. Just felt like shouting into the void. 

Not like I'm a super popular writer or anything, but maybe some of you have noticed that I've kinda disappeared over the last few months. Long story short, I went back into restaurant management, despite such a position sending me on mental health leave a few years ago due to a lack of work-life balance and deep depression.

That leave + regional lockdowns during the early stages of the pandemic were actually what got me back into writing in the first place. I rediscovered a passion I had had in high school, and had since abandoned because I didn't have time to do anything other than work, and then partake in less than productive activities afterwards with coworkers... where all we would talk about is work. The restaurant industry is emotionally and mentally draining, my dudes.

So, I wanted a change. I moved back home and told my parents I wanted to focus on writing while I bartended part time. They were supportive at first, but when I wasn't pumping out original work quickly, they started pushing me towards full time work. Money is important, I get it.

Unfortunately, I'm not qualified to do much else other than manage fancy-ish restaurants and I am really good at it. So, I tried again, and dropped off the face of the universe. Sure enough, I was tasked with an inappropriate amount of responsbilities for garbage pay and I once again found myself letting my hobbies (which are very important for my mental health) slide. I left that restaurant and have taken another restaurant job that I start on Monday... It sounds like it will be easier to manage. Fingers crossed.

ANYWAY, that’s why I haven’t been posting or updating much. On top of that, I feel like I’ve lost a lot of inspiration for my current works. I’m so tired and drained all the time, and just thinking about my fics is almost overwhelming. It brings me down often - how am I supposed to enjoy life if all I do is work and I don’t have the time to do the things I love? I’m terrified of sliding into a deep depression again.  Thankfully, one fic lives rent free in my brain. You see, I’m working on a sequel to Crystal Clear - my fever dream of a Steven Stone/Reader fic that I wrote in like a month (the things I can do when inspiration takes me...). The thing is, I’m not sure if I will ever post it. 

I’m conflicted. I had an idea for a sequel as soon as I finished the fic. It would take place a couple months later and would be a fairly long, fluffy one shot with a happy ending to make up for the bittersweet open ending of CC. But then, I had a dream. 

Let me tell you, dreaming the continuation of a fic you wrote is pretty wild and super immersive (probably because the world and plot and everything is SO PROMINENT in your subconscious). It was nothing like the follow up I had planned, and something I really didn’t think I’d ever be interested in writing. When I woke up, I was left with a lingering feeling of confusion and loss and a bit of a “...huh.” The more I thought about it, though, the more it made sense. And then I started sitting down and actively planning it out and yeah, I feel like it flows so nicely with the other fics in the series, and carries over many recurring themes. If you look at the end of CC as “the bad ending” (because really, they made a choice, and it was probably not the best choice to make, albeit the safe one), I feel like the continuation is sure to reflect the regret and resentment that would build between the characters.  I decided to embrace the “reader” as an OC. I gave her a name. I solidified her story. She was already more a character than “reader” anyway, but crossing into the Steven Stone/OC fandom is kinda scary and I don’t know how this will be received. And not only because of that - the fic deals with some themes that are definitely not everybody’s cup of tea, and I’m scared of people who liked CC being like “wtf is this?” because it isn’t the continuation that they pictured for themselves as “reader”. Not to mention, there’s a significant time skip, in which the characters have changed and grown and developed. What if people think they’re OoC because of how I’ve interpreted their reactions to certain choices? I feel like these characters are no longer “Steven” and “Wallace” and “reader”, but different versions that live in a completely different world that belongs to me. 

I’m a few chapters in, and I’m really loving how it’s turning out. I think it might be my baby, my labor of love. And that’s why posting it and not getting much reception (or negative reception) for it terrifies me. But I also want to share something I’m proud of. And I know I shouldn’t be writing for other people. I should be writing for myself. But validation and praise are nice and they make me feel good and I DON’T KNOW, I’m just not sure what to do. 

It’s not like I need to decide now, anyway. I’d like to write some more chapters before I start (IF I start posting), so there’s time to think about it. 

So yeah. That’s my ramble. Thank you for listening, void. 

TrashPanda out. 

[this-wrecker-this-crafter]

Presenting on the Isle was like rolling dice in a rigged game, and Harry Hook didn’t have much in the way of luck or resources.

Presenting on the Isle was like rolling dice in a rigged game. 

Alpha? Congratulations, now you're a target for everyone who thinks they can take you down, plus you’ve got ruts to deal with. 

Beta? No one cares, but hey, at least you’re not suffering. 

Omega? Yeah, good luck. The Isle had its own set of rules when it came to the whole “first heats” thing. Some kids bonded immediately- those were the lucky ones, the ones who planned everything out in advance, who knew who they wanted to be stuck with for the rest of their lives. The rest of them? Well, if you didn’t have a specific alpha to lock you down, you could either wait it out in the landfill, get yourself caught by an unfriendly alpha and pretty much resign yourself or, if you had the luck and resources, steal or bargain for suppressants. 

Harry Hook didn’t have much in the way of luck or resources.

Not that it would have helped. He didn’t even realize what was happening until it was too late. One minute he was scrubbing barnacles off a dock post for the fiftieth time that week and wondering why everything was so sticky and warm; the next, he was a shaking, feverish mess, heart racing like he’d downed three cups of the sludge they served at Ursula’s.

And that scent. His scent. Petrichor, sharp licorice, and the unmistakable tang of what was either metal or blood.

Great. Just great.

He staggered into the nearest alley, pressing a hand to his abdomen like that would somehow hold him together. It didn’t. The heat was crawling up his spine, clawing at his mind with every step. He needed to think. Needed to hide.

Panic set in fast.

Harry thought about making a run for the Lost Revenge, but that was a death trap if he ever saw one. Too small, too many people. He’d run into Uma or Gil for sure, and he couldn’t face them like this, he just couldn’t, and he wouldn’t last five minutes before someone caught a whiff of his new pheromones and- 

No.

It would have to be the garbage dump. It wasn’t glamorous, but it would mask his scent. And no one went there unless they had to.

Shame he had to, really.

By the time Harry reached the dump, his hands were shaking so hard he could barely undo the chains holding the gate shut. The stench hit him immediately- rotting food, oil, brine. Disgusting. Malodorous. Perfect. 

He collapsed against a rusted pole, gasping for breath. His entire body was on fire, every nerve screaming at him to go find an alpha. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. 

It couldn’t.

He just couldn’t. 

And so he shoved his hook deep into the dirt near the pole’s base and scrambled frantically through the heaps of decaying junk until he found a piece of rope. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do. With clumsy fingers, he tied it around his left wrist and looped it around the pole, yanking it tight. It bit into his skin, but at least he wouldn’t be able to bolt if- when- the instincts took over.

“Not goin’ anywhere,” Harry muttered to himself, voice quaking in a way he barely recognized as his own. “Just- just gonna wait it out. I’ve got this.”

As it happened, he did not.

Within an hour, Harry was a wreck. Sweat soaked his shirt, his limbs trembled uncontrollably, and his mind had gone completely. Nothing mattered except the agony, the gnawing need that wouldn’t go away.

He tried absolutely everything to relieve it. Everything but chewing his hand clean off at the wrist and seeking out the first alpha who’d have him, who could possibly make it better, and even that he nearly did do before he managed to slip through the rope, and instinct took over. He surged forward, stumbling toward the edge of the trash heaps, only to collapse a few steps later, too weak to keep going. He crawled back to the pole, just barely managing to tie himself up again before the next boiling surge of need hit.

Pain and exhaustion and want blurred until they obscured the rising and falling of the sun. Harry fought, his body writhing as the heat tore through him. He clawed at the pole, the piles of garbage, himself, desperate to find some relief, any relief. His wrist and shoulder were raw from struggling, but he didn’t stop.

He lost track of how many times he almost broke loose again. The rope held, barely, but it didn’t stop him from trying. His voice, when he wasn’t gasping for air, was hoarse from muttering half-formed pleas into the wind.

“Please-” he whispered, to no one in particular, biting down on his forearm when he could feel his voice rising. “Please, just- please-”

The universe did not oblige.

He almost got caught twice. The first time, some passing scavenger with two dyed pigtails seemed to catch a whiff of him and stuck her head over the gate, eyes gleaming with predatory interest. Harry froze, pressing himself down against the heaps of refuse and squeezing his eyes shut and praying to every god he didn’t believe in that she’d move along. She did, eventually, but not before he spent ten agonizing minutes waiting to be dragged out by his heels.

The second time was worse. A pair of alphas wandered in, arguing over some loot, and got too close. Harry bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. One of them sniffed the air, frowning, but got distracted before they could investigate further.

“Lucky,” Harry whispered, laughing bitterly to himself as they left. “So bloody lucky.”

Luck wasn’t the word he’d use a few hours later, when the pain hit its peak. He’d managed to fasten his other hand to the pole to give his bleeding and nearly-dislocated left wrist a break, but now he was entirely stuck in both body and mind, trembling and delirious, unable to think straight.

This was it. This was how he was going to die. Sweaty, tied to a pole, and smelling rotting Isle garbage.

Great.

He didn’t remember much after that. Filth. Stickiness. Flashes of movement, maybe. The sound of something scurrying in the shadows. His own voice, cracked and hoarse, begging for relief that never came.

When he finally came back to himself, several days later, it was morning. The fever had broken and the heat was gone, leaving him drenched in what he wished he could pretend was only sweat and feeling like he’d been hit by Cruella de Vil’s car. The rope around his wrist was frayed but intact, and he couldn’t feel his hand, which might have been a blessing in disguise, considering what a bloody and swollen mess it was. 

“Great,” he mumbled, voice scratchy, and set about trying to untangle himself so he could go and clean up and then pass out for a month.

[miriamundertale]

Yoshiru Konogi, the Hornybait writer who Fucking Gets it

thats right its time to get into henjotown

Due to the nature of my job working night shift at a hotel, I’ll often wind up going through the mangadex source on tachiyomi and just, peek at covers and titles (if i’m really feeling frisky, maybe the blurb written with it as well) to try and find something that loos like it’s going to be bad in an attempt to find something that’s at worst funny shlock or at best life changing (looking at you call of the night). About a year ago I stumbled across Shingeki no Eroko-san, (which i’m going to be shortening to Eroko from here out, partially for brevity and partially to get the aot heeby jeebies out of my system) a uh, very weird manga to put it mildly. to summarize its’ premise better than anilist does, Eroko is about a woman in her late 20’s, terminally online and very pathetically into high school boys, getting into a relationship with a high school boy.

by no means is it standout in writing, artistic quality, or really anything specific, except for the actual focus of the manga. while hearing the basic idea, you probably thought about 50000 other manga with if not the same then very similar premises, except while the focus of most of those is on the male lead, and framing it as his wish fulfillment, its very clear from the ground up the focus is entirely on Eruko (yes, that’s her name, yes that is the bit in the title too, they do not retire this bit) and her TEXTUALLY pathetic need to get dicked down by a highschooler. the wish being fulfilled is not a high school boy getting a weird horny older gf, its being a weird pervert online who posts constantly about smelling highschool boy pit getting everything you crave in life and having gay couples come and support you because your fight is like theirs. it is, unequivocally, shlock. it’s what I came here for. I think after reading all of her non doujin work (I did not feel like paying a translator to get a bunch of lucky star side character doujins translated and i think reading an AI translated version is arguably a worse experience than skimming it without reading) its probably the second most shining example of weird and fun garbage I’ve ever read.

anyways were ignoring Eroko for a bit and going straight to the series it span off of, and is arguably worse than, Henjo.

Hen na Joshi Kousei Amaguri Senko (2012-Present)

Henjo (Hen na Joshi Kousei Amaguri Senko), once again, is a very simple premise, this time leaning much more into the classic format by having the main heterosexual tension be a man in his mid 20’s and a 17, later freshly 18 year old high school girl. while the start is pretty evenly set as a general comedy with a bit of focus on the main girl being a weirdo, it very quickly sets the tone to be much more even-sided in its focus. rather than being entirely dedicated towards being wish fulfillment shlock for older men into high school girls, Henjo would much rather let both the men in their 20’s who are kinda cringe and weird but in a harmless way and the weirdo high school girls who think they could absolutely pull so good theyd make a college graduate commit statutory rape for them.

In other words, Henjo is hornybait schlock with express focus on maintaining intrest in both male and female weirdos, and thus elevates itself from the majority of the crowd. There is never a moment where it exists as a purely the male lead being sexually weird towards the female lead, any time where he’s acting like a weirdo sexually is immediately countered by overescalation by the female lead. romantic tension is not driven through misunderstanding of the advances of a character or misunderstanding something said by another, instead almost entirely being driven by the two constantly escalating weirdo horny shit at each other while both being unable to handle it being dished out to them.

Why not check out some of her other works on the way to Eroko? maybe this pattern of female focused ecchi (im not sure if this is the correct words for it, multiple things classify both Henjo and Eroko as seinen but it feels a lot more like ecchi comedy to me) isnt an actual trend and only exists due to Henjo and Eroko sharing the same universe.

SE (2013-2015)

while younger than Henjo in creation, SE felt like a good place to start. it both wouldn’t have the growing pains of a recently published author still finding her stride, and would be a good template of a finished story by Konogi. It features a similar setup to Henjo insofar as the main character being into a girl whos very weird, and inexplicably winding up working at the same job as her. The differences, aside from the obvious in setting and character design, is the main girl being arguably more deranged, the setting being an office (specifically, an office designing a Smart Fleshlight) rather than general handyman work, and the main boy being much more of a self insert style character. I think while Eroko is definitely for the failwoman audience, and Henjo is a lot more balanced, SE focuses a lot more on being for the guys who are into high schoolers but makes the high school girl incredibly weird to kinda balance things out. yeah, a lotta guys are weird and horny for high school girls, but not a lot would go for the kinda girl who begs her employees to surveil on the main character due to her fetishistic obsession with him. SE really does deliver on a lot of the same charms as Konogi’s other works, though it has a really lackluster ending and one uhhh… Interesting plot development.

yeah...

Now, before i get to the ending, i do want to talk about the MS subplot, because i think it’s a uhh, weird tonal choice? its a moment of complete and utter whiplash where they reveal that the main girl had to go to the hospital due to her MS progressing worse. the jokey romcom vibes about working in developing The Smart Fleshlight are killed dead on a level almost equal to the power of Loss, only barely surviving due to the next reveal being the main girls utterly insane shrine to the main boy and begging one of her subordinates to take a video of the mainboy masturbating or snap a picture of his cock. while the inclusion is weird and feels out of nowhere, Konogi does a solid job somehow not having everything weighed down by the death sentence given to one of the MCs, through the masterful maneuver of just ignoring it and forgetting it happened.

The Ending of SE, is honestly, the weakest part. which says a lot in a manga that has the main girl have MS for literally no reason. they eventually reveal the finished Smartlight, main boy is the person presenting, he gets a boner and it makes the presentation go viral. everyone goes wild for the Smart Fleshlight and we get a timeskip, ending on seeing the main duo happily married and main girl pretty obviously playing a more subservient part in the company now that she is a Housewife.

This sucks.

I really think the dilution of a character whos described as insanely smart, eccentric, and passionate to the housewife of the known less competent man is such lame shit and is almost antithetical to a lot of the stuff that Konogi does. With as weak as her overall story writing can be sometimes, she’s excelled at making a characters traits obvious and something that will not be changed without reason, and her viewing marriage as something to change someone to that degree really is a shame.

Well, I sure hope this isnt foreshadowing for her first work!

Comic☆Studio (2010-2012)

Comic☆Studio starts in the Konogi special, aka a chance encounter with a twist at a new job, but this time is set as a wannabe mangaka doing assistant work for a mangaka working on a generic popular Shonen manga (maybe its a reference to something specific, but I’ve graduated high school so I don’t really read Shonen) as a moderate change of pace. The big differences with Comic☆Studio over SE or anything in the Henjoverse is that the main females design leans far more into loli designs while also avoiding anything with the High school girl/College age man dynamic. Really I think the power imbalance here is the most fascinating opening that Konogi has done. while her other works are very standard with a light mixup in the fact that the main protagonist is subservient in their job to the love interest, Comic☆Studio has things fairly different. Comicman is also subservient to his love interest at work, except the manga expressly leans on it in multiple ways to establish the two’s relationship. he is by all means set up as a perfect malewife for the main girl, with multiple moments dedicated to expressing how helpful of a cook he is, how nice it is to have him help her with her schedule. moreover, none of it feels expressly infantilizing or like he’s pitying her. he’s taking on a more active and “in charge” role between the two but its very clear that she’s the one with more control than him, and in a way its very refreshing.

Comic☆Studio, like SE, also has sex happen! very shocking, but while SE uses it as the assumed culmination of a relationship and drops it out of really nowhere, Comic☆Studio does some work on establishing some real eroticism.

these panels contain the most erotic framing i've seen from her.

I was honestly taken aback by how much more the actual lewd elements of her work were actually lewd. I read SE‘s sex scene with the interest of eating a saltine, and henjoverse stuff has nothing really feeling sexual at all, but fuck Comic☆Studio does a comparatively great job making the two’s sexual tension feel real.

If you were paying attention to the foreshadowing, the next paragraph is likely pretty obvious. the ending of Comic☆Studio also sucks, in a similar situation where konogi forsakes the actual interesting parts of the female character in order to set up an idyllic tradwife situation for her, with the same “oh well shes still doing her job” as a bandaid on the whole situation. it sucks. For Eroko and Henjo‘s sake, I really hope she’s outgrown this pattern.

Speaking of!

Shingeki no Eroko-san: Hen na Oneesan wa Danshikousei to Nakayoku Naritai (2019-Present)

Eroko is probably the most buckwild series Konogi has ever done, which is saying something when SE exists. Eroko actively exists in a world where the act of a college aged man dating a high schooler is, while not illegal, kinda cringe but the act of a late 20’s woman being desperately horny for the pits of a 17 year old boy is laudable and on the same tier as gay rights. its a struggle worth fighting for. she may face discrimination but those people are in the wrong. her twitter account where she tweets about how she needs a highschool bf to wear her like a hoodie is popular in universe. a gay woman actively stands up for her against someone calling her “kinda cringe.” not against like, “jesus girl you should at least be within the same decade” types of harassment, but against someone calling her kinda creepy and weird. the high school boy’s father openly supports their eventual marriage. she has a shrine to him with a handmade doll. Eroko is horrible. you should read Eroko.

What now?

Now, I think its important to run down some stuff about Konogi herself, because while looking into her i did find out some stuff that is pretty on paper “cringe,” as the kids would say.

yep, the cursed hexagon.

She is, in fact, involved in NFTS. While I didn’t do a large amount of research partially because I think if I were to touch opensea for too long i would develop heretofore unknown diseases but moreso because it feels gross trying to unpeel personal things like that, I feel like I’ve gotten a good glimpse into her involvement and reasonings. the first piece of the puzzle to understand is Yoshiwo Konogi. While I can’t tell if their relationship is familial, romantic, platonic, or strictly professional (the most i can find is something from 2018 saying he’s her Chief Technical officer and some tweets implying cooking dinner together) and more importantly I DONT want to know, I can say that he’s had a very large impact on her work and her as well. The easiest example is the multiple different twitter bots they have, which, no notes. I love these harmless bots like this so much and I’m glad he got to set some up with her work. The other connections I feel are both tenuous and extremely obvious considering. around the same time that Yoshiwo got into into NFTS, Yoshiru also got into them too, producing a handful of signed NFTS that got bought and basically ignored about two years ago. everything else credited to her account is 14 experiments in AI generated art of the main girl from Henjo (some of which were given away in some sort of sweepstakes she held a while back, but most are just sitting in her wallet) and her twitter profile picture. while she is somewhat active in the scene, with her last recorded transaction being in august, but that seemed like a one time thing in a field of not giving a fuck anymore. her delve into AI work seems to have preclipsed the current boom, being about two years old, but it also was really not that deep. On top of that, this really isn’t getting into the fact that from my understanding, in general the overall cultural view about NFTS, AI, and whatever tech grift of the year is going around is normally at least half a year behind or so in japan, so it feels like actively being upset about this tier of NFT involvement is silly. sometimes a bitch wants a hexagonal profile picture, I guess.

Closing Thoughts

I have done a pathetic amount of work into a mangaka who likely wouldn’t get this much scrutiny and frankly is undeserving of it. not in a pejorative way, but because frankly ya girl does ecchi comedy, she doesn’t need to be given the same scrutiny as works like Berserk or March Comes in Like a Lion but- *checks phone* what

what do you mean fifth longest currently running series

in the same fucking magazine???

Nevermind, you have a moral requirement to read and share both Eroko and Henjo as much as possible.

[maginxlia]

Starring Gojo, Nanami, Geto, Toji and Sukuna Ryomen in When Things Get Argumentative ✰ The Headcanons

Rated R

Contains Suggestive themes and Foul language

Trigger warning ⚠️ Mentions of Violence in Sukunas

Dictionary✨ Y/N Is for Your Name

No Pronouns in this Bih

Another one requested by the Beautiful @aaphroditeeeee , Thank you boo❤️‍🔥 I hope y’all are staying cool , Hydrated and refreshed ❤️‍🔥 I love all of y’all and I appreciate all the love and support you give to me❤️‍🔥

Masterlist

Gojo Satoru

✰ Most of us would think arguments with this man would end with y’all naked and rolling in the sheets

✰ Y’all would be right if the argument was small and his ass doesn’t go ballistic ignorant

✰ See when the argument gets serious Gojo gets childish

✰ I’m talking plugging his ears and saying he’s not listening when he knows Damn well that what you’re saying is right

✰ Like tonight’s argument about one of his pranks going horribly wrong

✰ He tried to manufacture his own surprises glitter and fart spray box for the neighbor who likes to swipe packages but he some how fucked it up, now your living room is covered in glitter and smells like a Walmart restroom

✰ You were definitely on his ass, you told him about preparing his pranks somewhere else and he still decided to ignore you and ruin y’all living room in the process??? Oh hell yes it’s ON

✰ Gojo: Babe accidents happen, you can’t be this mad about an accident can you??

✰ Y/N: I’m mad because I told you several times to not do this shit in our living space to prevent these kinds of accidents from happening but you didn’t listen.

✰ So once he realised he’s not going to win this one it goes sideways

✰ Finger in ears talking about I’m not listening, Gojo looks like a tool.

✰ Your face drops from to anger to unamused rage, you don’t have time for this ignorant garbage so you walk into the bedroom

✰ Gojo knows he fucked up as he lay in on the couch that covered in glitter and reeks of yesteryear funk; he regrets everything

✰ In the morning you’re awaken to breakfast in bed and Gojo gently saying a heartfelt apology

✰ He’s offering to buy a brand new living room set and willing to do much more just to get you to forgive him and possibly let him play in the sheets with you

Nanami Kento

✰ Arguments are a rare thing between Nanami and you

✰ He’s always so soft and sweet with you that arguments hardly ever have any holding

✰ His favorite method of keep peace is de escalation because he hardly have free time and he rather spend his rare free time not being angry with you

✰ You’re both grown and can talk things out like adults without the name calling and yelling

✰ As much as he hates and avoid arguments tonight’s argument couldn’t be avoided

✰ He missed your date night again after promising his work wouldn’t interfere and boy is you upset

✰ He understands your anger, he did promise you that tonight would be yours but he let work steal himself from work

✰ As you vent out your frustrations Nanami pinched the bridge of his nose, upset with himself that he disappointed you

✰ He didn’t say anything as you went off on him, he deserves this he thought

✰ Y/N: I really didn’t think you would miss our date night let alone not call, I know it’s unfair to say you’re not giving an effort into this when I know you’re working towards the greater good but sometimes I feel so alone.

✰ As your anger transformed into tears Nanami held you closed to him tenderly

✰ He rubbed circles in your back as your tears stained through his shirt

✰ Nanami: I’m so sorry Y/N, you’re are right it wasn’t very fair of me to not call or show. I’ve been neglecting you and you don’t deserve it, I swear on all that I am I would be a better man for you

✰ Nanami lived up to this promise to you, He’s started taking off twice a month just for nights dedicated to you

Suguru Geto

✰ Adapt and Overcome that’s the name of the game whenever Geto feels a argument brewing

✰ He knows how nasty he can be to a non sorcerer so he NEVER argues back with his one and only favourite non sorcerer… you

✰ You’re arguing with yourself at this point love

✰ This man Literally knows when a argument brewing and he knows how to deflect them

✰ Geto do sweet things for you when you’re mad at him

✰ He automatically corrects himself when he’s fucking up with you

✰ When he pissed at you?? He hides it with a smile and tender touch (This man a fucking monster but there is no way in fuck he’s being a monster to you)

✰ So you’re eating your favourite ice cream while Geto cooks your favourite food

✰ Y/N: I don’t remember why I was mad at you. Is it one of your powers to know when I’m upset with you???

✰ Geto sitting across from you: No, it’s because I know you inside and out

✰ He’s oddly perfect and you will never know the wiser

✰ There is moments where his perfect act cracks especially when arguments are about his

Horrid treatment of non sorcerers

✰ He doesn’t snap at you but his facial expression tells it all for a complete second

He’s blind sided but there is no way in hell filthy non sorcerers going to cost him his relationship with you

✰ Geto puts back on the doting boyfriend act again, After all he loves you and what kind of boyfriend would he be if he makes you cry with sharp words ??

Fushiguro Toji

✰ Toji don’t have time to argue and he doesn’t give any effort in arguing, Low-key agitating

✰ He knows he can easily accidentally intimidate you and he’s not about all that

✰ Toji rather you vent out all your anger than he participate in riling you up

✰ He knows you and he knows you’re pissed at him, he feels there is no need to add to hostile environment after all he knows how this will end

✰ Literally if you’re the kind to get more heated at the silence from the other party then you’re in for a rage treat

✰ Toji is sitting on the couch with a bag of potato chips in between his thighs munching away as you rant away about what??? he doesn’t remember

✰ Hell this is so drawn out that you don’t even remember what started it your damned self but the fuel to the fire is Toji silent disinterest facial expression

✰ Y/N: So you’re going to sit your ass there and eat lays chips while I’m trying to tell you something??? You got me fuc-

✰ Just like that he hit you with those Zenin bedroom eyes

✰ As he move the chips and open his legs so you sit in between them he say the most tempting words

✰ Toji: I know you’re frustrated with me but there's better ways to get your anger out

✰ Your anger towards him is slowly fading away and is replaced by lust

✰ The night is filled with you taking your frustrations out on Toji in a intimate way

✰ Everything ending the way he knew it would

Ryomen Sukuna

✰ Sukuna loves when you’re mad at him, he lives for it

✰ He Never takes argument so serious after all He’s a king and that means you’re his consort and a true king never overpower his consort over a trivial human emotion like Anger

✰ Sukuna riles you up on purpose; you’re just more delicious when your anger burns against him and he can do is grin at ya when you’re pissed at him

✰ He knows you’ll claw his back up later in the most pleasant of ways, your anger excites him

✰ Now he doesn’t abuse this power over you even tho It’s so easy for the King of curses to get carried away

✰ You’re steaming and not talking to his ass while he’s silently amused

✰ Sukuna as he caresses your skin: Dove, are you still angry with me? I know I’ve angered you but it was all in lust for you and the way you react when rage overtakes you

✰ His touch always calms you back down as his aura envelopes you

✰ But when he’s upset with you?? Lesser curses heads getting ripped off like box tops

✰ Sukuna NEVER takes his anger out on you

He never argues back when he’s agitated with you, he walks away and just take his anger out on lesser curses (Mahito you better run)

✰ He knows you’re a human and he would sooner commit a mass extinction than hurt you

✰ When he’s better and calmed down he’s going to have you in his arms or railing you silly

Hotties On The Taglist❤️‍🔥 @aaphroditeeeee @bimbopedia

Likes, Comments, Reblogs & Request are Appreciated and Loved💖 Please Don’t Steal My Shit

[deadratio]

Blackwood Ch. 4

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!Blackwood!Reader

Summary:  (Y/N) ‘Finch’ Blackwood had grown up her whole life without knowing the true identity of her father. She had always thought herself to be content without knowing who he was, but when her work crosses paths with his own, they both face challenges in trying to figure themselves out. Meanwhile, she doesn’t know that her childhood best friend has made his own way through the Navy, and will be joining them on their adventures.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Angst directed toward a parent, some cursing

A/N: Here is chapter 4! I appreciate y’alls patience with me getting this out, this semester has been busy so far but I’ve found some spare time to get some writing in. (Ghost) Riders in the Sky is on hiatus for the time being - I am trying to figure out how I want to continue with it and I may change the way I write it.

HUGE THANK YOU TO @callsignthirsty for beta'ing this and giving me suggestions on my writing, I can't express how amazing they are!

As always, please let me know what you think, and happy reading!

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Masterlist

The first thing Finch does the next day is invite her mom out to visit her. She knows her mom is acting weird for a reason, and won’t tell her anything over the phone. So Finch oh so kindly offers to fly her out and pay for her to stay for the weekend, since she would be off anyways. 

Charlie was extremely hesitant at the offer. She knows her daughter, which means she knows that she is up to something. She just isn’t exactly sure what that is. After thinking it over, Charlie gives into her daughter’s pleas. The truth will come out eventually, she knows, and it might as well come from her. God forbid Pete finds out and tells her first. No. It would be much better, Charlie knew, if she told Finch first.

Sitting at the edge of her bed, Charlie holds the framed photo in her hand, a finger gently running through the dust that lines the glass. She remembers the day relatively well, she doesn’t think she could forget even if she tried. It was the day that Maverick told her he was staying at Top Gun to be an instructor. They celebrated in the best way they knew: going to the club, returning to her place, then drunkenly stumbling through the doorway. 

He told her that night that he loved her, and she believed him in his intoxicated state. She had been a believer in the quote ‘drunk words are sober thoughts.’ He made love to her. Practically worshiped her. Made her feel like they could stay like that forever and the world would be better for it, like they could take on the world as long as they were together. It was truly unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.

It would all come crashing down two months later..

Maverick quit instructing and took an assignment to somewhere out of the country weeks later. He avoided telling her until he was just three weeks out from his deployment. He said that it was for the best — calling things off in an attempt to preserve her feelings in case he didn’t come back alive. 

Flabbergast, Charlie had sent him out of her home immediately. She wasn’t exactly sure how she should feel about it all as she piled all of his stuff into a garbage bag and left it on her porch. She just felt numb. She knew that Maverick was an adrenaline chaser, but not to this extent.

And here she was, just over thirty years later, going to visit their daughter at the place where it all started. He would be there, doing who knows what. She hoped that since it was the weekend that they wouldn’t run into him, and that everything would be fine. But things never went according to plan with Maverick. At least, not on the ground.

She slides the picture back into the box that had been hidden under her bed for years, sighing deeply before returning to packing her bags. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finch is on a mission when her mother arrives at the airport Friday evening toting a single suitcase and a handbag. She’s wearing a comfortable pair of leggings and a thin sweater. She wasn’t exactly sure how her mom wasn’t overheating in the dry California heat, but she didn’t question it. 

Taking the suitcase from her, Finch guides her to the front of the airport where their Uber awaited them. While they had hugged in greeting back near Arrivals, they hadn’t shared anything more than pleasantries. Finch knows exactly what she wants to talk to her mother about, but with a quick look at their Uber driver, doesn’t want to do it in the company of a stranger. 

The ride to Charlie’s hotel takes longer than they expect, but that’s just how the traffic in the area is. No one gets anywhere on time. After checking in, Finch might as well have pushed Charlie into the room, closing the door behind her and flipping the lock.

Charlie barely has time to set her things down before Finch assaults her with questions.

“So, now that I’ve got you here in person, do you want to explain to me what the fuck went on between you and my coworker?” she demands, arms crossed over her chest, glaring daggers at her mother. 

Charlie sits precariously on the desk chair provided and sighs at her daughter’s question. She knows the weight the answer carries and figured this is what would happen.

“Honey, can I at least get settled in?” She asks in return, leaning against the back of the chair. Frankly, Charlie’s exhausted from hauling the truth across the country with her. But she can tell that Finch isn’t putting up with any of her stalling, and she will likely draw the answer out of her any way she can sooner rather than later.

“Yeah, if you want to keep dodging my questions and avoiding me for the rest of the night,” Finch sasses. “I brought you out here to spend time with me, first and foremost, but you know the other reason why I brought you out here as well. You can’t avoid me forever, and I will find out one way or another.” The ‘even if you don’t particularly like my means’ part goes unsaid.

“Maverick is a good guy. Kind of stuck in his head, yeah, but he means well and he’s a damn good pilot,” Finch explains while Charlie goes silent and begins to unpack her bag. “I find it both interesting and funny that any mention of him silences you almost completely.” When Charlie’s shoulders visibly tense, Finch knows she’s got her mom right where she wants her. “Look, I know it’s hard for you to talk about the past, and I understand, I really do, but whatever whatever this is… whatever you’re hiding from me isn’t helping my situation at work, my relationship with him, or protecting me,” Finch confesses as she takes a seat on the bed far enough away from Charlie that they both have room to breathe. 

Charlie gives her statement a thought, her eyes dredging over Finch’s facial features as she looks over her shoulder. She looked so much like him; it was a wonder she hadn’t connected the dots already. Sighing heavily again, Charlie decides it’s time to stop avoiding the subject and be direct.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Charlie knows she has to blurt it out or else she’s going to take too long to say it and begin to overthink her decisions. 

“Maverick is your father.” 

She says it simply. There’s almost no emotion in her voice. Her eyes are stuck on the floor, the ugly carpet more interesting that the topic of conversation. She doesn’t dare to look at Finch’s face in fear of her reaction.  

The air of the tension in the rooms changes.  Finch can’t believe what she’s hearing. She can’t be serious. Finch knew that her biological father was out there somewhere, but she didn’t think that he was literally right under her nose. 

This definitely isn’t how Finch expected this visit to go. She doesn’t even know what to say. She was just thinking that her mom and Maverick had some sort of short fling, but apparently, she was the result of said fling. Finch wanted nothing more than to run out of the room and scream. This could not be happening.

Charlie finally wills herself to look at her daughter. There’s a tapestry of emotions strewn across her face, but none that can easily be read. Her heart shatters at the notion that her daughter might not even want to know who her father was, but here she was, revealing the truth after thirty some-odd years. 

Finch falls back onto the mattress and heaves with exhaustion. She can hear her mom get up from the desk chair, making her way over to the bed. The mattress dips with Charlie’s weight, her hand reaching out to grasp Finch’s.

“Honey,” Charlie starts, still avoiding looking directly at her daughter. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but you deserved to know. There was no other way for me to get it out.”

Sitting up, Finch looks over at her mom and takes in her features. While she’s still in shock from the news about Maverick — her father — she also wants to remember this rare moment of vulnerability from her mom. Her head finds its way onto Charlie’s shoulder, and Finch takes a deep breath, relaxing at the subtle vanilla of her mom's perfume.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?” she asks, leaning further into her.

It takes her mom what feels like forever to answer her, but Finch knows she’s trying her best to be honest with her. “What I had with Maverick…it was something special to me. It was wrong, considering I was basically one of his instructors, but he was so good to me.

“He was great — thoughtful, a little lost in life, but otherwise unstoppably motivated. I don’t think he ever knew exactly what he wanted in life other than his wings. If he could spend every second of every day flying, he would. It’s going to be the death of him one of these days.”

Finch moves to meet her mother’s gaze again, intrigued by her story, and finds her smiling fondly.

“He lost his RIO, though,” Charlie’s smile drops. “I think that really changed his perspective on everything. His job, his career, us. When Goose died, Maverick was flying the plane. He couldn’t have done anything to prevent it, but Goose hit his head on the canopy when they ejected. He was dead before he hit the water.”

Finch goes rigid. She hasn’t lost anybody at work, hopes she never does, but knows that it couldn’t have been easy on Maverick to go through that. “That must have been hard for him,” Finch mumbles, unsure of exactly what to say, “losing his RIO like that.” 

“They were more than that,” Charlie shakes her head with a sad half-smile. “They were best friends, inseparable, and Goose loved flying with him.” Finches heart breaks a little bit hearing that.  She wonders if Maverick ever got over the loss, or if a bit of him died with Goose all those years ago. “He left behind a wife and son who I stayed in contact with after everything. You may not remember them, but they came over a few times when you were younger. After he graduated Top Gun and finished the assignment he was given, he decided to be an instructor. I was so proud of him, and so happy. We hadn’t exactly been exclusive, but at the same time hadn’t been seeing anybody else.”

“Too much information,” Finch joked to try and ease some of the tension, but she felt as though she was on the edge of her seat. 

“To make this already long story short, it was blissful for two months while he instructed, but I guess he just wanted something different. He quit and left me three weeks before he deployed somewhere on the other side of the globe. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until a few weeks after that.”

Finch could infer the rest of the story from there. Her mom must have moved away from San Diego shortly after Maverick left. They had lived in Virginia for the first ten years of her life and then moved wherever Charlie’s job had taken them until they settled in the Northeast when Finch was a sophomore in high school. Charlie rubbed her daughter’s shoulder lovingly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. 

The moment was interrupted by Finch’s phone ringing loudly, startling both women. 

Finch reached into her pocket to retrieve the device. She pressed her thumb down on the answer button, bringing the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Finch? It’s Rooster.”

Her breath catches. This weekend just keeps getting better and better.

Grinding her teeth, she pinches the bridge of her nose. “Rooster, hey. How did you even get my number?” 

“Phoenix. Heard you two were pretty close.”

A moment of silence passes before Finch says anything. “Yeah, we are,” she confirms with a sigh. “Anyways, what’s up? I’m a little busy.”

She can hear shuffling from his end for a moment before he answers. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I think we need to talk about what happened the other day. If now’s not a good time, then we can schedule something. I just don’t want to talk about it in front of the others, you know.” 

“Yeah, uh, I guess that’s fine with me.” Finches eyes flick to her mom. “How about tomorrow night? I’ve got some things going on right now, but I can meet you at the Hard Deck at, like, seven-ish,” she tells him.

Rooster hesitates, unsure of his answer for a moment. “Sounds great, first rounds on me. I’ll see you then.” 

“Cool. I’ll be seeing you,” she says and hangs up. 

Charlie pulls away from Finch, glancing over at her. Finch set her phone down on the nightstand, her head falling into her outstretched hands. A soft groan leaves her lips as she rubs her face.

“Who was that, honey?” Charlie inquires.

“Do you remember when we first moved out of Virginia, out to…I can’t remember where it was. But anyway, we moved, and your friend came to help us move and brought her son?” Finch asks, trying to clarify things for both her and Charlie, but her memory is so spotty she isn’t sure her mom will be know what she’s referring to.

“Goose’s family. Carole and Bradley,” Charlie answers, memories flashing through her mind. “Poor Bradley’s had to deal with more loss than anyone his age should. I heard cancer took his mom a while back. She was a fantastic woman.” 

Finch grimaces, making a mental note to try and avoid asking Bradley too much information about his mom when she saw him the next night. “Well, I think her son is an aviator on this mission, but as you know, my memory doesn’t serve me too well. I think he’s Bradley, but we all call him Rooster. We were exchanging stories yesterday about how we got our callsigns, and his just…the story made so much sense. I can barely recall the memory he shared, but him saying it all, it came back to me, then.”

Charlie feels like she should be wrought with emotion, but holds herself up for her daughter, knowing that she’s going through far more than she could have ever imagined right now. “Well, honey, I think you need to talk with him about it when you see him tomorrow. It’ll be nice to see an old friend and catch up.”

Finch nods, licking her lips. Her head is racing with all kinds of thoughts now, and she’s not entirely sure she’s ready to face anything. But she knows she’ll have to work with Maverick on Monday, and tomorrow she’s meeting up with Rooster, which is arguably going to be much easier than facing the man who she now knows to be her biological father.

Chapter 5

Taglist:

@luckyladycreator2​

@shouldershimmycity​

@pennbii​

@someone-pls-kill-me​

@bayisdying

@cherrycola27

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@shrimping-for-all

@harper1666

@lonelywitchv2

@erinswrld

[starsofmilos]

Business Major (Adrian Chase x reader)

Request: can i request a thing with a psychologist or business lady reader with adrian getting worked up over her pencil skirts and button ups and brains and him deciding to show her how much he appreciates his girl, please and thank you i love reading your fics after hard days (every day)

AHH I’m so happy to hear you like my fics!! I hope you like what I’ve written today..You are so sweet and I hope you are doing well!!

Masterlist

Warnings: smut, p in v, oral (fem receiving), praise, degrading, switch Adrian

Sex with Adrian was always intense. 

It didn’t matter if you were going slow or rough. Sex with Adrian was a new experience each time. You loved it.

Adrian made you feel so special especially after a hard day. If you had one complaint, it’d be how insatiable he was. 

You could be wearing a stained t-shirt and sweatpants and Adrian would be raring to bend you over the nearest table. You were so beautiful to him. Adrian just couldn’t get enough of you.

That’s why you knew he would be in for a surprise if he ever saw you at work.

You owned a small business. He knew this and loved this about you. He just had never really seen you at work.

Adrian knew you as the goofy girl he met at the coffee shop. You didn’t think he’d like seeing you serious. Usually you’d change at work and before you go home.

You weren’t working hard to hide yourself, your business side was just something you never thought Adrian would really like. He loved you. You knew he loved you no matter what. 

This was the man who’d have sex even with you even if you looked like garbage. You shouldn’t be this worried, but at the same time couldn’t help it.

That’s why today was a small shock to you. Adrian and you as of late hadn’t been able to spend much time together. You’d been swamped at work having to let your assistant go. 

So for the time being, you were keeping up with making the meetings and filing every single document solo along with your usual work. It was rough, but after this week you were off for an entire month. 

Adrian was excited for the next coming month. He’d get to see you more and wake up next to you more...

Right now you had been working on a few documents trying to ignore the hunger you were feeling. Adrian had been messaging you saying how he had today off and was probably gonna do a longer patrol tonight. 

You had told him how you had to skip lunch so if he didn’t mind ordering takeout for dinner.

Adrian didn’t respond. 

You sighed rubbing your temples in your office a bit overwhelmed by everything when your coworker Janet came in. 

“Uh m’am sorry to bother but there’s someone here to see you?” You raised an eyebrow checking your watch.

Your next meeting wasn’t till three. “That’s weird. Do you know who it is-”

“Y/N!” You smiled a bit hearing Adrian. 

“He says he’s your boyfriend. I have security with him right now if he’s not-”

“No he is. Send him through and for future reference anytime he comes he is always allowed in.”

“Right sorry m’am.”

“You’re okay you didn’t know.” You smiled at her before grinning widely when Adrian walked in holding two brown bags.

“Hungry?” He grinned widely walking to you. 

“Hi..” You sat up kissing his cheek softly as he placed the bag down. 

“Thank you Adrian, but you didn’t have to bring me lunch-”

“Nope I did. It’s my day off and you would’ve done the same for me. Plus how could I ignore my favorite girl saying she’s hungry. I figured we could have lunch together-”

“M’am?” You sighed looking towards the door seeing your coworker Janet once more.

“Yes Janet?” 

“The shareholders are here already..”

“Are you serious?..They weren’t supposed to get here till three!!”

“They came early..”

You groaned burying your face into Adrian. He smiled comfortingly rubbing your back. “Do you mind waiting-”

“Not at all.” Adrian kissed you grabbing the bag. “I’ll be outside-”

“No you don’t have to do that Adrian. You can sit in here. Just try not to fall asleep? I know this is all pretty boring-”

“Nothing you do is boring to me. I’ll sit over here.” You grinned standing up fully. Adrian’s eyes widened slightly seeing the tight button up. You adjusted yourself unbuttoning your top button.

“It’s been uncomfortable lately I might have to get a bigger size..” You hummed moving around the table letting him see your tight pencil skirt.

It took everything in Adrian not to groan when he saw how it accentuated your hips. The three business partners walked smiling at you as you greeted them. 

“Who’s the guy in the corner?” 

“Oh that’s my boyfriend. He’s just gonna sit there while we talk won’t bother at all.”

“Shame L/N you have a boyfriend? I always thought we would have something?” Adrian clenched his jaw a bit angrily as you smirked a bit.

“I’m sure your wife doesn’t appreciate that thought.” He went silent as you grabbed your folders handing them around. Adrian snorted a bit feeling more turned on than he already was.

“Now let’s discuss what we went over last time.” Adrian stared in awe as you basically dominated all the men there striking back whenever they made a inappropriate comment.

You looked so confident and alluring. It was fucking hot. Adrian couldn’t help, but to be entranced by your words. How did he get so lucky to bag you?

You waved them all off after an hour reminding them of your month off so no meetings till the next month and to get ahold of you if needed through email.

Adrian stood up once the door closed striding quickly to you, “Hey I’m so sorry that took longer than I wanted. You must’ve been so bored-”

You made a muffled noise as he kissed you deeply. “Fuck dude you’re so fucking hot.” Adrian kissed you again wrapping his arm around your waist his other leaned down groping your ass as he lifted pushed you into your desk.

“Adrian-” You moaned as he began to kiss your neck. 

“Wait!” You gasped when he pinched your nipple through your thin blouse. 

“What did that hurt?” Adrian pulled back concerned. You shook your head trying to catch your breath. 

“No it didn’t but were did this come from?” You laughed as Adrian peppered kisses across your face.

“The way you spoke and these damn stupid office clothes..Fuck you’re hot..Like I knew you were hot before this, but I didn’t know you could be way hotter..If I had seen you like this when we first met, I probably would’ve begged you for sex right there and then.”

You smiled as he kissed you once more, “Who says you still can’t?” 

Adrian grinned at you, “If you really want me too just say the fucking word-”

“Not at my office. Later at home anyone can walk in here-”

“I don’t know if I can wait that long, please just let me fucking please you..I wanna taste you so bad just pull your fucking skirt up and-”

“M’am we have another meeting in ten minutes.” Adrian groaned this time as you sighed.

“Cancel it please. I strictly said no more meetings till next month after today.”

“On it.”

“Also send everyone home early for today. I’m not feeling too well. I’ll finish the documents from home.” She smiled heading off.

You grinned as Adrian began pushing you to your desk. “So fucking hot..You can order me around however you want.” 

“Can I really?” Adrian nodded whimpering a bit as you pushed him to his knees. “You said you wanted to taste me right? You have ten minutes.”

Adrian grinned immediately reaching under your skirt to push it up to your hips. “Fuck thank you! Thank you!” 

He yanked your underwear off putting them in his pocket. You moaned out as he pushed his face quickly between your legs. Adrian went to work wanting to make you feel good.

His tongue ran over your clit before pushing inside of you. You thrusted against his mouth gripping his hair. “Thank you..” He moaned out muffled by your cunt.

You threw your head back throwing your legs over his shoulder.  “Fuck..Fuck.You’re doing so good..Such a good boy..” He gripped your thigh tightly sucking your clit. 

“Fuck me!! fuck me!! Ohh!!” You whined thrusting into his face. 

“Fuck!! Adrian you’re doing so fucking good..such a good job..I”m gonna cum soon!” 

He grunted flicking his tongue around your clit. “Fuck!!” You keened trying to pull away before suddenly cumming in his face. Adrian moaned as you shoved his face tightly against you.

You pulled him away grinning as he panted staring up at you with your juices all over his mouth and cheeks. “Did I taste good?” Adrian nodded quickly.

“Yes you tasted so fucking good..You tasted amazing..Can I have more?” You shook your head grabbing his collar so he could stand up. 

“No you can’t..Go home and I will meet you there.” He whined reaching out for your hips. You slapped his hand grabbing a napkin to wipe his face. 

“We can do whatever you want if you listen.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Fine. I want you to stay wearing this though. You have been hiding this from me for far too long..” You chuckled as he kissed your face everywhere. 

“I honestly didn’t think you’d find this part of me interesting-”

“How the fuck can you say that? Y/N I want all of you..I mean all of you.. I will literally fuck you even if you were wearing a bear costume.”

“Wait why a bear costume?”

“I don’t know bears are weird.”

“Okay this has nothing to do with what you’re talking about though-”

“My point is that I fucking adore you...and I’m currently painfully hard..I didn’t know you be so fucking demanding would be so hot..Although you ordering me around is hot, but knowing I can make you someone so powerful so weak within seconds is..” He kissed you once more.

You smiled into his kiss tasting yourself a bit. “Okay..now go..I’ll be home soon..” 

He stood up walking out. “You better not be late!” 

You gathered everything you would need working from home before bidding all your coworkers goodbye.

Once making it home, you smiled seeing Adrian sitting on the couch in his boxers. “Oh..someone’s excited?”

“I am.” You smiled hearing him grabbing your blouse to begin unbuttoning only for Adrian to stop you.

“You better keep this on. The only way this is coming off is if I take it off understand?” You smirked a bit before gasping as he groped your chest. 

“I said do you understand?” You nodded as Adrian smiled kissing your forehead.

“Good girl. Now follow me to the couch.” You grinned as he sat you on his lap slipping your heels off for you. 

“You’re so fucking hot..Pretty girl..” You squirmed a bit as he fiddled with your button. 

“Adrian-” Gasping out, Adrian slid your skirt over your hips admiring the mess between your thighs he had left there. You moaned as he dragged a finger through your folds.

“So fucking gorgeous..How could you hide this from me?” 

“I didn’t think you’d like it-”

“That’s a stupid reason..I love knowing I could make the tough CEO a whimpering mess like this. Not so bossy now huh?” You gripped his shoulders tightly resisting the urge to thrust against his hand.

Adrian was in charge now. You needed to listen to him to get what you wanted. “You’re gonna be a good girl tonight right?” You nodded quickly.

“I promise I will! Please Adrian! Make me feel good..Please...” You kissed his neck begging him. Adrian leaned back smiling enjoying your affection. 

“Okay..I’ll make you feel good.” You cried out as he shoved his fingers inside you. He began to thrust them in you with a fast pace. Adrian grinned as you ground down on his hands.

“It’s been way too long..You’re so fucking wet..” Adrian groaned as you yanked his hair back kissing him roughly. Thrusting his fingers faster, you began to pant feeling your second release approaching.

“Are you close?” You nodded wordlessly groaning in frustration as Adrian pulled his fingers out. 

“No..No. Adrian please!! Fuck me!” Adrian grinned making a small show of sucking your juices off his fingers. He hauled you off his lap taking you to the dining table. 

You gasped a bit in surprise as Adrian ripped your shirt open. “Adrian! This is my work blouse!”

“It was too tight on you anyways I’ll get you a new one. Fuck..look at you. I just wanna take a fucking photo of you looking at me all desperate.” Adrian sucked small marks on the top of your breast before pulling away to shove his boxers off.

“Your legs spread showing your pretty cunt and shirt open showing these fucking breast..All fucking mine..Your business partners would be surprise seeing you as such a needy mess..My needy fucking mess..” 

Adrian cried out as he slid in without warning. “FUCK!!” Your head fell back as he kissed along your neck.

“All fucking mine! My beautiful smart girl!” You wailed a bit keening as he began a fast pace. 

“Fuck. Fuck. fuck!!” You cursed leaning more back on the table letting Adrian push deeper inside. 

“So fucking great..Adrian! You’re- Fuck! I can’t think!! Just please keep fucking me!!” Adrian groaned snapping his hips harder into you. 

The table moved a bit from how rough he was snapping his hips into you. You both panted sloppily kissing pulling back to moan once more.

“Such a messy fucking slut. My messy fucking slut! Mine! Fuck those other guys who think they could make you like this. No one can make you like this but me!”

“I want no one but you!!” Your skirt tore a bit as Adrian all put pushed them more up wanting to see all of you. 

“I wanna rip these clothes off of you, but I also want to admire such a mess you are! I’m close fuck!!”

“I am too!! I wanna cum!! I wanna cum!!” You wailed a bit feeling tears brim your eyes. Adrian smiled biting your shoulder lightly sucking small marks on your neck.

His hand drifted down using his fingers to rub your swollen clit. “Fuck!! I’m gonna cum!! I’m gonna cum hard!!” Adrian groaned.

“Cum for me..Such a beautiful girl. My smart pretty girl..I’m so fucking proud of you!! You’re such a corporate badass and all fucking cute and mine!” Adrian choked a bit as you clenched tightly around him.

“Fuck! Shit! Oh god!!” You scratched down his back riding out your high sobbing a bit feeling Adrian cum inside of you. He moaned kissing along the side of your face pulling out gently. 

Quickly he bent down seeing his cum leak out from your wet cunt. “Look how pretty my pussy looks..” You sat up sliding off the table smiling in content.

Adrian grinned pulling you into a hug kissing you anywhere he could reach. “I actually am fucking proud of you..You know that right?”

“You are?” Adrian nodded excitedly. 

“I am..You are literally such a cool fucking person and to know you could’ve chose anyone but chose me..Thank you Y/N..”

“I didn’t want anyone but you Adrian..I don’t fucking care for those stupid other business people. None of them would have fun with me like you do or buy me burgers on a hard day..”

“Fuck I’d do anything you asked of me..I fucking love you dude. I love you so much..You’re so smart and beautiful..I’m so happy you’re with me.. As a matter of fact..I don’t think I’m done just showing you how much I love the business side of you.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah wanna go to bedroom and get me hard as you talk about your business deals..” You laughed as he started pulling you to the room.

“Come on..I wanna appreciate my girl some more.” 

[infernalodie]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲'𝐬 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 || 𝐑𝐮𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭

“𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯' 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘓𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰“

Inspo: Billie Eilish - when the party’s over Billie Eilish - Everything I Wanted

Pairing: Rue Bennet x Bennett!Fem!reader

Summary: You’ve lost every person in your life and left to wallow in your own justification of them leaving. But it’s Rue’s job to talk you away from the edge.

(gif used is not mine)

Warnings: Angsty as fuck, talks of depression, self-harm, and drug addiction

Words 1237

DNI IF YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN 18 OR IF YOU’RE SENSITIVE TO THE WARNINGS ABOVE!!

Rue’s body trembled under the relentless droplets of the rain that poured down on her. Soaking her clothes and her hair that clung to her forehead and cheeks. Masking the tears that streamed down her cheeks with a quaking hand held over her chest. Sobs fell from her lips as all she could see, was you.

From the inside and out, her body was hallowed out. Once full of sobriety, happiness, and joy. Now those towers stood dilapidated in her heart, replaced with the bitter loneliness she felt. How could she have been so stupid? How didn’t she see the signs earlier?

But that was all gone now. And as she stopped short of the front door of her home, she had to swallow down the fact that she wanted. She wanted to run away as far as she could. Never come back here from the bitter truth that, in some way, she could’ve done something.

She could’ve saved you.

She pushed open the doors leading to the rooftop of the school. The cold gusts of wind hit her in full swing with her hissing at the bitter weather nipping at her cheeks. But her gaze quickly fell to you, having known you would be here, after your sudden disappearance at the party. It just heightened her senses seeing you throw your head back with a loud set of coughs. Grabbing the bottle of whiskey resting on the edge and taking a large gulp.

“Thought you would be here.” When Rue spoke, your body froze up, looking over your shoulder to find her still wearing your guys’ dad’s sweater. A signature article of clothing you knew she couldn’t go a day without putting on once. “Are you okay?”

You let out a laugh, sniffling harshly and wiped your nose with a sigh. “Well, Maddy got back together with Nate, so there’s that,” you started. “I failed my exam this week. I’ve run out of money and I have to talk to you. So, no. I’m not okay.”

Rue should’ve expected that last part. Before she ever got sober, out of every single person in her life, she treated her like shit. You reminded her too much of the good times before she ever became the person she was. And you held a power over her that she didn’t like. So, after getting sober, she expected you to act in such a way towards her. It was what she deserved.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Another humorous laugh fell from your lips as you turned to her. “Oh?” You mused. “So, we’re now on the talking basis now? Are we going to lean on one another’s shoulder like we used to?”

“Y/n, I know I haven’t-”

“You have been a heartless bitch, Rue!” You interjected silencing the girl. “Even after you got sober, you still continued to be this person I don’t recognize.”

“Then let me make it up to you.” Rue stepped forward. “Let me try to make amends after what I’ve done.”

“Do you really think that’s how things work?” You asked incredulously. “You can call me all the names under the sun and then act like you can make up for it? There is no price to the pain and torment you have caused me.”

“Then talk to me!” Rue exclaimed. “Tell me and let me try and help!”

“I’m drowning, Rue!” You screamed. Face scrunching up with tears rapidly falling from your eyes as you stepped back from her. “And I can’t stop asking myself why the hell everyone hates me so much? Why you hate me so much? I- I just wanted to know, but you continued to treat me like garbage! Make me feel like shit when all I’ve ever done was love you!”

Rue stood frozen to the ground, unable to find the right words to reassure you that it hadn’t been true. Because none of it had been. She was blinded by the inability to act without drugs. When she looked at you now, you weren’t the same girl she had taken out to go play in the woods near town. Or the same little girl she remembers helping put to sleep because of the extensive nightmares that could keep you up at night.

You’d changed and it hurt Rue to know that she was one of the reasons. You were once so innocent, so fragile, and delicate. She’d wanted to protect you from the entirety of the world and keep you close in her arms. But she was never able to protect you from herself.

A sob racked your body as you tried to breathe. Chest tightening with each cry that fell from your damp lips. “All I ever wanted to do was help!” You wept. “I just wanted to help! I just wanted to help and you made me feel like shit for it! What did I ever do to you?”

“Nothing, Y/n,” Rue quickly said. “You did nothing wrong. I was just angry and I couldn’t control myself. I never meant any of the things I said to you, mom, or Gia.”

As much as you wished that her reassurances could soothe the pain in your heart, it couldn’t. You’d become so exposed to the darker side of Rue, that you couldn’t imagine her being anything else. After the nights with a razor blade in your grasp, the cool chill that ran down your spine when it pierced your skin, numbing you to the pain, it had been because of her. She was the reason for all the scars on your body and your mind. There was no way she could ever cover that harsh piece of reality you weren’t even sure she knew about.

“You’re a liar, Rue,” you spat bitterly. “All you do is lie to get what you want. And I know, sooner or later, you’re going to just use me for your own selfish gain.” Your lips wobbled as you shook your head. “The one person I have loved more than the world was willing to destroy me to get what she wanted. I won’t stand for it.”

She didn’t understand at first, but when she saw you turn and walked towards the edge, she felt her heart sink. “No, Y/n!”

Your arms extended out by your sides with your body leaning forward. Rue’s fingers just grazed the back of your shirt before you fell out of her reach. But even before now, she thinks you were already a whole other world away from her.

“Y/n!”

“Rue, what’s wrong, baby?” Leslie asked, position on the couch shifting with her sitting up with Gia beside her. They looked the girl up and down, hearing the shallow and shaky breaths fall from her lips as she stared at them. “Where’s, Y/n? She said she would call after the party.”

Rue’s eyes hung heavy as her body swayed. She looked possessed in the moment as she replayed the scene in her head over and over again. And even when Leslie stood up and made her way over, cupping Rue’s face and making her look up, she didn’t have a response.

“Rue, where’s your sister?”

Finally, Rue looked up and that was when Leslie saw the pain. The utter excruciating pain of heartbreak in her daughter’s eyes. And as Rue’s quivering lips parted, Leslie felt her heart shatter.

“She’s dead.”

[boldlyvoid]

touch me

spencer reid x reader

Summary: Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

warnings: mentions of cases, insecurity issues, female reader, smut, blowjobs, riding, praise, emotional hurt/comfort. emotional sex, strangers to lovers, hook-ups,

word count: 5.8k

They had been in New Mexico for almost a week, solving a series of murders that seemed to have no end in sight. There was nothing they could do but go back to their hotels to sleep, hoping there’d be a connection in the morning.

Spencer and JJ were sharing a room as the small town hotel didn’t have accommodations for everyone that was visiting to help with the case. They didn’t mind, it was like a long sleep-over.

They did their own thing, kept their space and Spencer really did enjoy overhearing her on FaceTime with her kids. It was refreshing happiness in the middle of the madness murder sadness and despair they were swallowed by.

When his phone rang at 6 am, just shortly after he returned to his room for a quick rest, he sighed deeply, “Dr. Reid.”

“I’m so sorry to do this to you, but another body dropped and I need you to go to the ME,” Prentiss explained softly down the line. “It’s weirder than the other’s and you’re the only person who would be able to work it out with the examiner.”

“I’m on it,” he replied with a tightlipped smile. He hung up and looked over at JJ, already peacefully asleep on her bed. He closed the door softly on his way out, not wanting to disturb her any further.

At the other end of the hallway, Spencer stood and waited for the elevator. It seemed to be taking forever, everything he was doing lately dragged on and on with no end in sight. He was exhausted, still struggling with his PTSS, just all around not having the best time.

He was in the middle of rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when the elevator opened with an equally tired woman waiting inside. “Hi,” she said before covering her mouth to yawn, “sorry.”

“I get it,” he smiled as he stepped inside. “Lobby?”

“Yes please,” she smiled. “Are you here for the case too?”

“Uh, yes,” he answered softly, “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, with the FBI.”

“Oh, hi! I’m Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, the medical examiner,” her face lit right up. “Agent Prentiss said you’d be joining me I just didn’t think this quickly.”

She was adorable, bubbly and happy in a way he envied. He missed the feeling of random giddiness, smiling at her as he felt the butterflies swirl in his stomach. “Do you need a ride? I have an SUV from the bureau.”

“Yeah,” her smiled got bigger. “That would be really nice.”

They walked closely together through the lobby and towards the parking structure, he hit the unlock button a few times while trying to figure out which SUV his keys matched to. Finally getting in and watching her climb in the passenger seat.

“Do you know anything yet about the body?” Spencer asked as he turned on the ignition.

“Yeah hold on,” she pulled her iPad out of her bag and started sliding through emails.

“Your tech girl sent me the initial police reports, witness statements and overview,” she began to explain. “Like the others, she’s a 25-year-old female, blond, blue-eyed, athletic.”

“Prentiss said it was a weird one?” Spencer added.

“They think she was embalmed before the unsub staged her,” Y/N added with a tone of disgust on her voice. “Do you have your tech girl’s number?”

“Yeah, hold on,” Spencer dug his phone from his pocket and dialled the number.

“Penelope Garcia, the 8th wonder of the world at your service,” she answered after just one ring. “How are you doing on this fine morning, my fine furry friend?”

“Not so hot,” Spencer replied. “I’m with the ME right now on the way to the body, she has a question for you.”

“Oh hello, ask away.”

Y/N was smiling on the front seat, enjoying the show they put on for her. “Um, hi I was wondering if you could look into anyone in this town buying embalming equipment, or if any has been stolen from the funeral home? This town is so under-resourced already, I don’t know where this guy could get this stuff.”

“Absolutely, I’ll add that to my parameters,” Garcia’s voice was lovely and soft. “I’ll call you back if I find anything!”

“She’s lovely,” Y/N exclaimed as Spencer place his phone back in his pocket.

“Yeah, she is.”

Spencer pulled into the morgue’s parking lot, the lights were all on and the Coroners van was parked by the loading doors. Inside there was just 1 officer, waiting beside a body bag as Spencer and Y/N walked in.

The officer gave them both a quick rundown of the crime scene findings, as well as information about where all the equipment was before leaving them to their work.

“Have you ever examined a body?” Y/N asked Spencer.

He nodded, “I’ve been present during a few, held some organs, but I’ve never done one myself.”

“They’re pretty gnarly,” She scrunched her face and giggled. “Let’s get you all geared up.”

She handed him a hairnet, a white plastic suit, goggles and a mask. “Gloves are on the wall, pick your size.”

He felt like a lunch lady standing beside her, taller than her by almost a foot, dressed in all white with a hairnet. He could tell she was smiling at him under her mask, her eyes gleamed up at him in a way that made his heart melt.

He had to remind himself multiple times that this was nowhere close to the time appropriate to want to flirt with someone. They were about to examine a dead body, and potentially solve a case. There would be time to flirt later.

But he was just so amazed by how she worked, being able to tell everything that was going on by just looking at the body. Making notes on her own and only occasionally explaining things to Spencer. In her own little world, solving the puzzle with expertise.

“The other 4 vics were just strangled and staged, dressed up and left in different areas around town,” she ran the case down more for herself, needing to hear the words to make a connection.

“Yes,” Spencer followed her train of thought, tilting his head as he listened.

“She was murdered, embalmed, staged and sexually assaulted. His MO is completely different and it’s only been 2 days since the last body dropped. I think he’s found his signature,” She explained her thoughts. “His sexual aspect comes out only when they’re dead and cold, we’re dealing with a necrophile.”

“While most serial killers start with small animals before moving on to humans, he started with women and then eventually grew to what he really wanted. That’s what we were missing,” Spencer’s eyes lit up.

“He’s a lot younger than you hypothesized in the original profile,” She added.

“You read it?”

She nodded, “yeah I like to know what you’re looking at to see if I have answers.”

“This is really going to help us,” Spencer smiled, his eyes mimicking hers now.

“I can finish up here if you want to go back to your team? I can get a cab,” She offered. “Go catch this guy.”

“Okay,” Spencer said, backing up from the table and taking his equipment off. Placing them in the hazmat garbage. “Are you sure?”

“Yes Dr. Reid, I’ll be fine,” She laughed. “Can I call you if anything comes up?”

He smiled again, “call me even if something doesn’t.” He dug a contact card out of his pocket and placed it on top of her purse. Waving as he walked out of the room.

—

He thought about her smile for the rest of the afternoon, leaving his findings with Prentiss before heading back to his room to sleep for a few hours.

He finally found his way back into the police department 5 hours later, coffee in hand as he tried to absorb all the new information. They had a lead, stolen embalming equipment from a funeral home a few towns over was reported 4 days ago.

He stayed back during the apprehension of the suspect. Simmons, Lewis and Rossi were closer and they didn’t think the unsub would be dangerous. No one was missing and he wasn’t expecting them, should be easy to get him to come in for some questions.

Much like the rest of this case, it didn’t go to plan. They found another woman in his home, having to shoot him in the process. Ending the spree, ridding the world of a necrophile. It just didn’t feel like justice was served when another person had to die.

Spencer sat on his bed, calming down slightly from the end of the case. Saving a woman, killing a murderer, it was all a lot to process in such a short time.

JJ was in her bed on the other side of the room, scrolling through Facebook as she looked at photos of her kids. It was a much easier way for her to calm down, remembering that she could go home to pure, unadulterated happiness at the end of a case.

They heard a small knock on the door, Spencer volunteered to answer, opening it only a small amount as he looked out.

“Oh, hi,” surprised to see Y/N behind the door.

“Would you like to come and drink with me?” She asked, holding up a bottle in her hand. “In my room,” she added.

“Yeah, yes um, hold on,” he closed the door on her softly.

“Who’s that?” JJ smirked at him.

“My friend,” he replied quickly, running to the bathroom to look at his hair and fix his shirt. “I’ll be back later.”

He grabbed his wallet, making sure he had a condom first, before opening the door only a small amount to slip out into the hall. Hiding Y/N from JJ as she tried to look out the door.

“Sorry, my co-worker and I are sharing,” he explained.

“It’s okay,” she smiled, heading towards the stairs. “I’m just a floor up, and the elevator takes a million years.”

Spencer held the door for her, watching her head up the stairs as he noticed the bottle in one of her hands and her shoes in the other. She walked up the steps in her socks, exhausted from the day.

“Did you get any sleep?” She asked him softly as she kept climbing the steps.

“A few hours, did you?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “I woke up just before they called about the body this morning.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to just go to bed? You’ve been working for 12 hours,” Spencer worried for her.

She reached the door for floor 3, pulling it open with the hand she held her shoes in, “Sleep is the for weak.”

He laughed lightly, “do you want me to hold anything?”

“Here,” she handed him the bottle, “thanks.”

She dug the keycard from her pocket as he followed her towards the right door. Excitement bubbled in his chest as she opened the door and welcomed him inside.

It was exactly like his room downstairs, only there was just 1 queen bed and a few couches by the window. She set her things down on the bed, sighing deeply as she sat on the edge.

“Do you have any cups or mugs?” Spencer asked, reminding her that he was holding the alcohol still.

“Yeah, on the bar table over there,” she pointed. “I’m just going to change in the bathroom quickly, you can pour yourself a drink.”

“Okay,” he smiled awkwardly as he crossed the room.

She dug through her suitcase quickly. Spencer saw from the corner of his eye as she took out some shorts and a shirt, not even slightly worried about being so casual in front of a complete stranger.

He inspected the bottle, it was just a cheap scotch, nothing too special. He poured about an inch of the golden liquid into two cups, not a big fan of drinking but tonight he felt a little risky.

She came back looking more refreshed, very cozy, and still breathtakingly beautiful. He hadn’t felt this way about someone in a long time, the tightening in his chest as he wondered where the night was going to go.

Not to mention the longing he felt.

Even before prison, he wasn’t one to spend a lot of nights alone with a beautiful stranger. The added isolation in his life changed him on a fundamental level, he realized just how much he craved contact, and just how much he’s deprived himself over the years from both men and women. He just wanted to be loved properly.

He silently handed her one of the cups, smiling at each other softly as they tapped cups. Taking the whole drink, “oh, yep that was exactly what I needed.” Y/N’s eyes watered as her face scrunched up, coughing a bit.

Spencer felt the same, only being able to hide it a bit better. The burn was nice on his throat, it made him feel alive. “Did you want to order some food or anything or?”

She laughed, “that would be the smart and responsible thing to do.”

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

She looked up at him, her shoulders dropping as she released the tension in her body. Looking into his eyes with care, it was so different from the way his co-workers looked at him. She didn’t think he was broken, she had to reason to believe he was even damaged.

“Yeah,” she smiled, placing her hand on his chest as she stepped in closer to him. “Do you like mushrooms on pizza?” She giggled, even this close to him with every opportunity to kiss him, she chose to just make him smile. Something that didn’t happen too often lately.

“I do, it’s my favourite topping actually.”

She took his tie in her hands and dragged him to the couch, “I enjoy topping sometimes too.”

She sat down on the couch and looked up at him, waiting for him to sit beside her. Patting the cushion beside herself while he swallowed sharply, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, making her smirk.

“I won’t bite Spencer,” she laughed finally. “I’m sorry if that was too much?”

“No,” he said, sitting down beside her quickly. “No, it’s fine honestly, I’m just not used to it.”

“Too busy with the FBI to find anyone to hit on you?”

He shook his head softly, pushing his hair out of his face. “I uh, I was framed for murder and in prison for 3 months. I haven’t really had a conversation with anyone I don’t work with in a while.”

“Oh,” she didn’t look surprised or scared. “That makes sense.”

“What does?”

“You’re soft,” she leaned in to press her hand against his chest once more, eye level with him now. Seeing his eyes dart from her lips to her eyes every few seconds as he licked his lips. “You don’t look like you want to hurt anyone, but something about your aura is changing. You know how to protect yourself now, and you’re stuck thinking you’re still in danger.”

“How can you tell all that just from looking at me?” He asked softly.

“If I showed up at any other man’s door with a bottle of alcohol and the offer of a night alone, I would have been pushed against that door the second we got here,” she explained. “You respect me, almost a little too much.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” His face was soft and curious and proving her point.

“You see me as a person, but I can tell you’re touch starved. Every time I get close to you, it’s like you don’t want me to move away,” her voice was barely a whisper as she leaned in even closer to him.

She could feel his breath on her face, her nose was close enough to brush against his as she stared at his lips, “but you won’t make the first move. You want to protect me from you.”

He nodded his head lightly before rubbing the tip of his nose against hers and making her smile. He let out a sigh, relaxing his shoulders as she straddled his lap, leaning him back against the couch. He bit the bullet and let his hands rest on her hips, looking at her softly in the hopes it was okay.

“Tell me?” She begged, holding his tie in her hands, running it through her fingers as she waited. “What do you want? What you miss? Let me be that for you,” she begged.

“Anything,” he finally tells her. “Just touch me.”

She loosened his tie, freeing his neck finally. She slowly undoes every single button on his shirt, untucking the hem from his pants as she opens it up.

Her fingers are warm on his skin, but he still gasps at the touch. Her fingers were so soft, like angel kisses as the pads of her fingers traced the skin. Gliding over every freckle, raking through his chest hair, bumping along the barely-there abs.

His thumbs rubbed against her bare thighs, where he held her lightly. “You can touch me too,” she whispered.

His hands travelled up to her waist, he gently pulled her in closer. No longer resting on his legs, but pressed close to his chest. Her hands landed on his shoulders, looking down at him with nothing but pure lust as her breathing hitched.

She cupped his face, gliding her thumbs along his cheeks softly as she stared at his lips. He opened his mouth to breathe, his bottom lip was plump and beautiful and she couldn’t help herself from rubbing her thumb over it.

He kissed her thumbprint before taking it in his mouth, sucking on it softly making her hips buck into his lightly. The suction on her thumb was more erotic than she expected, the feel of his hot mouth, his wet tongue swirling around it before he let her go with a pop.

She accidentally let out a moan that excited him, “like that?”

She immediately felt her heartbeat in her clit, she nodded feverishly. Suddenly at a loss for words, wondering where this Spencer suddenly came from.

“How far are we taking this?” He asked softly. “We can stop and order that pizza at any time?”

There he was, the soft and sweet man that she brought here in the first place. “Pizza is even better after sex,” she couldn’t stop the giggle from erupting from her, even as she bit her lip.

He smiled at her like she was the world. A complete stranger making him feel more than anyone had in the last year. “I’m going to need longer than it takes to deliver a pizza,” he admitted.

“Luckily they’re open late,” she compromised, leaning in and finally kissing him.

It was soft at first, then he pulled her in even closer. She was chest to chest with him as he breathed her in deeply. She melted into his grasp as if he had just stolen her soul right out of her body.

She was his now.

She kept his face in her hands, holding him as he broke the kiss to explore her jaw. Kissing every inch of her neck and chest as she gripped his hair, making him moan as she used her nails to comb through the long locks.

“Does that feel nice?” She cooed, running her nails along his scalp as he tilted his head back.

“My favourite thing,” he explained as he closed his eyes, letting her repeat the same motion again and again.

He looked so peaceful, running his hands over her back and sides softly as she massaged him. She leaned in and kissed his cheeks, the tip of his nose, both eyelids and his forehead.

He wanted her to touch him everywhere, her delicate touch made him feel worthy for once. Every self-hatred of his washed from his body as she explored him with care, care only one would receive if they were a most prized possession.

He felt loved.

It was overwhelming, he didn’t realize a tear had slipped down his cheek until she was wiping it from his skin. Shushing him softly before kissing him quickly on the lips.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, embarrassed.

“It’s okay, what’s on your mind beautiful?” She asked softly as she brushed through his hair once more.

“I just,” he looked in her eyes ever so innocently. “I’m not used to feeling cared for, no one pays attention to me this way.”

“That’s shameful,” she looked utterly perplexed. “Look at you? You’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re powerful. You’re kind and lovely and soft?”

“But I’m also weird and too much to handle,” he interjected.

“Not to me,” she corrected him. “this morning you could have said nothing in the elevator, you could have driven by yourself and awkwardly waited till I was finished my work. But you didn’t, you had a conversation with me, you helped me many times, you cared about me making it back here safely and you didn’t even know me. You’re a special kind of person Doctor Reid, and anyone who doesn’t see it is an idiot.”

He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile and furrowed his brow, “do you ever give out parts of yourself to everyone because you know how hard it is to feel appreciated?”

“All the time,” she laughed softly. “But not now.”

“Me either,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

“I’ll make you a deal, you tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done and I’ll tell you mine,” she offered. “Even the playing field.”

“How so?”

“Right now you think I’m super nice and kind right? And I just told you how I feel about you, but you hate yourself and outside of here I hate myself too. Share a secret, we can be fucked up together,” she smiled.

“In order to keep myself safe in prison, I poisoned a batch of heroin and almost killed a lot of people,” he responded without thinking.

“Okay,” she was a little shocked that he gave in so fast. “One time I stabbed a guy who tried to touch me after I pushed him off me twice already. He didn’t die, it barely even went in.”

“Both are technically self-defence,” he shrugged.

“See?” She smiled. “You’re not as bad and scary as you think you are. You’re smart and cunning.”

“Are you sure you’re not a therapist?” He teased her, “because this has been better for me than any therapy appointment I’ve ever gone to.”

She laughed again, kissing him softly. “I think it would be against the rules for your therapist to do this, I guess that’s why some men cheat.”

“How so?” He just liked listening to her speak.

“It’s easier to be open with someone you’ll never see again than it is with your therapist or wife because there are no consequences. They can’t judge you or hold anything against you, they do what you paid them for and they leave,” she explained herself.

“I’d like to see you again,” his voice barely a whisper. “If you’d like that?”

She nodded softly, “maybe I’ll move back to Virginia, finally.”

“Is that where you’re from?”

“Born and raised. I moved to Albuquerque with my girlfriend 5 years ago, and she left me about 2 years ago now,” Y/N explained. “I liked my job too much to move all the way back there and start over.”

“I can put in a good word for you where ever you want,” he offered before he could stop himself from looking too desperate.

“I’ll look into it,” she smiled.

He kissed the centre of her chest again before pulling her into a hug. Hearing her heart beating in her chest softly as she pressed her cheek to the top of his head and rubbed her hand over his back. Soothing him so completely, he felt beyond amazing.

And then she was gone, pulling back from him and standing up. “Wh-?” Before he could even ask, she was lifting her shirt off.

He stared at her breasts, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She walked over to the bar, taking another shot before she pushed her shorts down and climbed onto the bed. Completely naked in under a minute.

He stood then, pushing the opened shirt off his shoulders and immediately undoing his belt. He took a condom from his wallet before kicking off his shoes, dropping his pants and underwear to the floor and stepping out of them.

She was laying back against the pillows when he crawled over her, resting his naked body against hers ever so slightly. She just smirked as she looked up at him, “hi.”

“Hello,” he whispered.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“You.”

He kissed her softly on the lips, or at least he planned to. Y/N wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him down against her. Swiping her tongue across his bottom lip, begging to make out with him, finally.

Grabbing and tugging at each other as everything started to heat up, she could feel his erection against her leg as he ground down on her. Sucking on his tongue, lightly making him moan into her mouth.

His hair kept tickling her face, every time she’d push it away it would just fall right back against her skin. She pulled him off by his hair, gasping for air as they stared at each other again.

“Can I be on top?” She asked lightly.

He wrapped his arms under her, holding her close as he rolled over. Watching her settle more onto her knees as she sat on his hips. “Better?”

“Much,” she said as she sat up, taking a hairband off her wrist and putting her hair up. Raising her arms in a way that made her tits perk up. He reached up and cupped them, rubbing his thumb lightly across her nipples before giving them a squeeze.

She just laughed as she finished her ponytail, “having fun?”

“Absolutely,” he smiled up at her.

His hands followed the curve of her body, from her boobs to her waist and down over her hips. She was stunning, confident, everything he ever wanted and more.

She found the condom in the sheets, the bright purple packaging making it easy to see. She played with it in her hands, seeing how long it would take before he got desperate, but he never did.

“How long have you had this?” She asked, trying to tease him.

“Not long,” he was honest. “I just got out of prison, remember?”

“So you haven’t had sex since before you went in?” She looked excited.

“No, why?”

She smiled, “so I’m taking your free man’s virginity.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing?”

“It is now,” she giggled before leaning down to kiss him once more.

Trailing kisses down his neck, stopping only to suck a mark near his Adam’s apple. Hearing the sweet little gasps he made every time her tongue came in contact with his skin. She kissed his clavicle, his shoulder and down his chest. Making her way across his abs and over his lower tummy.

He gripped the sheets, not knowing what she had planned or where she was going. Spreading his legs, she kissed his groin, his right hip bone and the inside of his thighs. He couldn’t believe it, the way she explored him so delicately.

She ignored his cock for a while, kissing and sucking at any and all the visible skin she could find. He felt her smile against his thigh then, getting closer and closer before she took his cock in her hand and kissed the base.

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, settling into the bed like water filling a glass, he was liquid in her hands. Her mouth was a blessing and she chose him to worship.

“Fuck,” he moaned as she took all of him as far as she could. Dragging her tongue along the shaft as she pulled back up. Swirling her tongue around the tip before taking him all the way in once more.

She pulled off with a pop, sitting up now with his dick still in her hands. She tore the condom open with her teeth, taking the package off and rolling it over him.

His dick bounced back against his stomach when she let go of it, hard enough that it had a mind of its own now. She bit her lip as she lifted herself over him more, setting herself down softly where it laid against him.

The head of his cock brushed her clit as she ground down on him, his hands found her hips once more as he instinctively helped her find a rhythm.

He could feel how wet she was, the way she glided over him so easily. Her breath hitching every time her hips bucked, she was enjoying herself. It made him even more excited. She leaned back down then, kissing his neck once more as she continued to push down on him.

“I need you,” Spencer gasped.

She smiled against his skin, lifting her hips enough for him to line up with her before she started to sink down on it. He watched himself disappear inside of her, feeling the way she took him in like he was always meant to be there.

“Fuck,” she gasped as she sat down fully, her hands resting on Spencer’s stomach as she tried to get used to it all. Listing herself up and down little by little to get the rhythm going again.

Spencer pulled her back in again, arching her back so she could bounce easier. She held him close, tucking her face into the crook of his neck as she started to move faster and faster on him. Hearing his breathing pick up as his grip tightened on her asscheeks.

She kept one hand in his hair as her other hand reached for her clit, pleasuring herself slightly the way she knew she liked it. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered against his skin as she fucked him.

It had never felt like this before, it was so personal for the first time. They worked together perfectly, not having to communicate at all, following the other person’s rhythm like a well-oiled machine with a task.

He felt her everywhere. Her hands in his hair, her lips on his neck. The way her hot breath tickled right under his ear as she tried to catch her breath against him. The way she pulled off him and sucked him back in, again and again, her breasts against his chest and her ass in his hands.

He couldn’t believe it. That a real human being cared about and appreciated him, even after learning his worst secret. She was special and different and everything he needed.

He could feel himself getting closer, wanting to savour every moment with her that he could. His hands roamed her back, over her shoulders and arms. He wanted to touch every single inch of her while he had the chance.

“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and resting her open mouth against his.

They weren’t kissing, they were panting over each other with their foreheads resting together. Euphoria filling the empty spaces between them as she came, gasping and shaking violently over him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, bending his knees and driving into her a few more times before he finished.

She tugged on his hair then, biting his bottom lip as she felt him twitch inside of her. Letting out the smallest gasps and whimpers as she pulled her hand out from between them and pushed herself off him.

Dropping her body against his, resting her head on his chest as they caught their breath.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her in a hug as he repeatedly kissed the top of her head. “Thank you,” he was still out of breath as he said it.

She smiled, laughing against his skin again as she hugged him back.

—

He woke up to the sun in his eyes and the feeling of lips against his skin. He blinked as gained consciousness, finding Y/N laying against his chest again. Her face in his heck where she was placing lazy kisses, trying to wake him up nicely.

“Good morning?” His voice was groggy and deep, it made her smile against his skin. A feeling he didn’t realize he missed so much during the night.

“What time is your flight back?”

“10:30, why?” He asked softly, rubbing his hand over her back softly.

She held him tighter, breathing him in deeply as she did so. Not wanting to let him go any time soon, “it’s 9:45.”

“Is it bad I’m hoping there’s a secret serial killer in Albuquerque?”

She laughed again, sitting up this time so she could look at him again. “Maybe I’ll come to visit my parents soon a find a reason to stay in Virginia?”

“I’d like that,” he smiled, pulling her into a kiss. Never wanting it to be the last one.

He waited till the last possible moment to finally peel himself out of her grasp, trying to find all his clothes and belongings from the night before

He kissed her quickly at the door before taking off down the steps and back to the room he was supposed to be sharing with JJ. He knocked on their door lightly, hoping to every god on earth she hadn’t left yet.

She opened the door and just stared at him with her mouth open, “oh my god?” She laughed.

“What?” He asked, completely oblivious to how he looked.

JJ dragged him inside, pulling him towards a mirror and pointing at his reflection. “What happened to you?”

His hair was a mess, he had hickeys all over his neck. His shirt was barely buttoned, definitely not untucked and he didn’t even have his shoes on. “oh.”

“Oh?” JJ couldn’t believe it. “Who is she?”

“Um, the ME from this case,” he explained, scratching the back of his head as he squinted.

JJ just laughed then, “hurry up and look somewhat presentable, pretty boy, the team is going to eat you alive for this.”

Sure enough, when he finally sat in his little corner of the plane with his glasses on and a hickey still visible above his collar, all eyes were on him. No one wanted to ask, they all just made it abundantly clear that they were curious.

Alvez even took a photo to send to Penelope, who sent it to Derek, who texted Reid only 20 minutes into the flight asking who she was. He rolled his eyes and put his phone back in his pocket. About to get really pissed when a second text came in.

555-0623: if you’re still serious about that recommendation, there is a spot available at the DC medical examiner’s office… I’d probably be closer to you than your therapist’s office 💋

He smiled then, saving her number and starting his letter.