#everyone's so nice and im like. the Worst
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oh golly how do you make these things
jayvik tickle hcs because i can
(sparkle sparkle)
separate and then together, a few swears, one tiny suggestive bit on jayceās
JAYCE
lee!
ohhh boy. jayce my bbaby. okay. so as a decently muscular man, hes gotta be at least a little ticklish.
i think his worst spots are probably the spots you can just latch onto and squeeze- thighs, ribs, knees, even shoulders.
my boy cannot take a massage. he has tried so hard but every single time heās just a hiccuping snorty mess
speaking of hiccuping snorty mess. i think he has a lot of different laughs. when you get him really going itās his usual deep belly laughter, loud and proud and so bright youāre gonna need sunglasses
but also i think if you have him for long enough his laugh changes pitch a lot. like itāll go from low to super high, and heās all like āhahahAHAHAHHHSGH OHGOD OH GOD OH GOHOHODā and oough. bbg
if itās less intense, heās not really one to giggle, but he definitely hiccups. he scrunches his face all up and jerks around and flinches and snorts and covers his mouth with the back of his hand and.. ghrhrgh.. im going insane guys
i think heās the kind of guy who doesnāt squirm too much but arches his back a lot. he doesnāt squirm back and forth, but heās always folding like a lawn chair, forwards and backwards
with his hiccupy/snorty laughter, heāll go silent for a few seconds, and his shoulders just bounce as his whole body shakes, face absolutely BURNING red
oh yeah and heās a blusher. bigtime. he gets a little flustered at the fact he can get plucked apart so easily by something as silly as tickling. he doesnāt think its childish, per se, but certainly not something a grown man should be This weak to.
..and yeah, he likes it. heās embarrassed about it, but wonāt necessarily deny it. he kind of has a thing for going all dumb and happy and brainless. just made into a smiley little puddle of jayce
oh and his smile. i know these hcs are already so freaking long but his smilee he is always grinning. even just a poke and heās already got a big dumb smile. he is literally the sun when being tickled, itās absurd
i didnt even get into soft tickles yet what
okay so we all know his abs are sensitive. i think he might just die at some gentle fluttery fingers. same with his sides and back
hear me out. behind the knees. oh and biceps. and the underside of his arms in general. and his forearms. none of them are too bad, but heāll still squirm a little if you just slowly trace your fingers over them
post-season-2(SPOILERS KINDA??) his wrist his mad sensitive from the crystal embedded in there.
all of his scars are sensitive too. i donāt think he has too many, but the ones he does have are Big and also very ticklish <3
all in all i think heās very sensitive. heās the type to be flinching and squirming at things that arenāt even supposed to be ticklish, like god this man cannot take a tummy rub. if someoneās hands are on him in a sensual manner he canāt hold back tiny little giggle-huffs.
whenever anyoneās hands are on his bare skin in any soft manner, heās. he canāt. he is too ticklish to survive on this earth
okay im gonna stop myself there or im gonna be ranting for seven more paragraphs
ler!
this little shit oh my god
okay no i take that back. i feel like he would be a smug cocky little shit, but not always.
im sorry, i have to say it, engineer hands
i have less ler hcs than i do lee hcs for him but i do think he would be absurdly switchy. heās the type of guy to just poke people at random whenever heās bored or to prove a point
has a habit of digging. heāll find a nice meaty spot and just squeeze it lighting fast for about a second and then give you a teensy little break before doing the exact same thing again
he can be a little merciless though. he doesnāt realize just how good he is at tickling, he just thinks everyone who he tickles is mad sensitive
its hilarious though. heāll be like āHow did I never know you were this ticklish?!ā and the lee will be like I DIDNāT KNOW EITHER HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS-
his hands are going all over the place, too. if he has a really handsy/squirmy lee, heāll just keep switching spots every time they go to defend something. arms glue to their sides? okay, heāll switch to their knees. legs pull up? okay, neck now. shoulders scrunch? ooh, armpits are fun!
he is such a menace and doesnāt even realize it
heās crazy playful. mostly back in academy days, but if you can get close enough to him as the man of progress, and he has some free time, heās so freaking playful its wonderful
he thinks its fun, and he likes seeing peopleās stress just melt away. he will get a little worried if you tell him to stop, though, and pulls back a little if you do. he doesnāt wanna hurt you or make you uncomfortable.
definitely pokes people a lot but doesnāt actually engage in full attacks all that often. usually he has to be pretty close friends with someone to do that.
heās very gentle with viktor when he tickles him, sometimes a little too gentle. itās agony
VIKTOR
lee!
okay im gonna say it now before the thought leaves my brain. ticklish ears
heās a lot more keen to light tickles as rougher stuff just kinda hurts a lot of the time or gets him really overwhelmed
tbh if you wanna get him bad, tools are probably best bet. rough tickles with hands are a little too much, but get a feather or a pen or a brush and Hoo boy youāve killed Viktor.
i donāt actually think heās all that ticklish. like he is but he isnāt? heās sensitive but not hypersensitive, i guess.
except for his bad spots. i think its more of a thing where heās not too ticklish in most places but his bad spots get him writhing.
of course iām obliged to say neck, ears, jaw, back.. the works. i think his stomach has the potential to be sensitive but heās a little too skin and bones for it to really impact him.
he has a lot of vaguely unusual spots. his wrists and palms are sensitive, i think his scalp is even a little sensitive. he doesnāt like people playing with his hair for that reason
if not for his brace iād say his back and spine especially would be real bad. without his brace, just tracing a line all the way up his spine has him jerking forward so hard sometimes he falls over. and absolutely spits out any drink he may be drinking. i mean it feels like stars bursting all the way up his back, okay?? so tingly
heās the type to hold his stomach when laughing really hard, just in general
heās also a big snorter, but he uhm.. he has a very maniacal laugh. itās literally just like- a whole villain laugh. absolutely terrifying.
i think heās a lot less sensitive than jayce in theory, but in practice heās a lot less used to it and very squirmy
so squirmy. very slippery. i wouldnāt quite say nimble, because of his leg, but- at the very least very good at escaping.
definitely the type to go straight for his lerās sides to get them off him. he panics and just squeezes. usually it works but sometimes it doesnāt
i think he has the potential to be a giggler. idk though. he wouldnāt have bubbly giggles as much as he would have really breathy, huffy giggles. silent giggles are another big thing
i think heās very neutral on the whole concept. he has to be in the right mood and it has to be with someone he trusts with his life.
feather-ticklish bastard. trust me on this
ler!
idk about you guys but viktor talking like heās documenting an experiment while tickling someone? oughhrgrh.
im usually not one for teases but aaugrgghgrgr.
his hands are absurdly nimble, so while he can commonly be overpowered by his lee, heās still a slippery bastard and somehow manages to slip into all of someoneās worst spots
iām kinda stealing this hc from someone else, but i think he is very good at predicting/guessing someoneās weak spots. āHOHOW DID YOU KNOW I-ā āoh, i just guessed. not very hard, you know.ā gggggraagg
i really canāt explain just how evil he is. those nimble hands of his are all over someone in seconds, spidering and digging into every single spot and switching at lighting speeds.
very good at tickling people, i think. him and jayce are on a pretty even playing field for that
i have such a distinct idea of what ler!viktor would be but for some reason i just cant explain it with words.
TOGETHER
oh these two. these two. iām.
they are so switchy itās scary. tickle fights with these two are not tickle fights, they are strategic tickle wars.
viktor tickles jayce out of stress a lot. jayce is definitely the type to get overwhelmed with stress and not tell anyone, literal king of masking, but ofc viktor sees through it in seconds and wrecks him until he admits whatās wrong. and then viktor wrecks him some more so he can forget about it for a little while
theyāre always teasing eachother. on energetic days theyāre both so playful with eachother, and theyāll be poking eachother around the lab all day until one of them cracks and launches an attack
they wreck eachother just to prove a point sometimes.
jayce has a habit of getting viktor when heās being too cocky or sassy. viktor has a habit of getting jayce just because he feels like it.
jayce tickles viktor when heās bored, heāll pick up a quill and flutter it against the back of viktorās neck while heās ranting about something.
they get revenge a lot, but then they get revenge on the revenge, so itās kind of.. a cycle
they know eachotherās boundaries like the back of their hands, since theyāve known eachother so long theyāre very good at knowing exactly when to stop and exactly what to do
they also pick up on eachotherās lee moods.. and ler moods sometimes. letās just say jayce knows when to run when viktor gets a certain look in his eyes
aftercare with them is sickeningly soft. brushing hair out of faces, gently caressing skin, massaging eachother to get rid of some of the lingering tingles, all of it. they hold hands and press up next to eachother and ghhgh. even if its in a scenario where they arenāt dating, they still do all of this, and if someone questions it they just shrug. just two bros bein dudes, nothing to see here
i feel like these together hcs are so bad im sorry. itās so early rn and im suffering Hunger. ill probably make more of these in the future if anyone is interested
feel free to shoot me an ask or two about them as well!!
#jayvik tickles#tickle hcs#arcane tickles#arcane tickling#lee!viktor#ler!viktor#lee!jayce#ler!jayce#ticklish!viktor#ticklish!jayce#arcane tickle#how many tags must i add for this to reach my target audience#wrongposting
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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met a really cool queer stranger today that i thought was just so fucking neat i wanted to talk but if we were playing tennis they were, with the most gentle and earnest voice ive ever heard, shoving the tennis racket down my throat. every compliment or joke i made was turned away but in the sweetest way possible that made me sound like an absolute asshole lunatic. it was so scary.
#i tried so hard to be funny and nice but the way they replied to each thing i said made me feel like a scumbag LOL#ive never had that happen before. im very polite when i talk to strangers and i was being very polite then too!#i dont think they even saw it happening in realtime bc they were so calm and even keeled about it#but my god. still thinking about it. absolutely rattled me.#'ur so cool' 'oh its not the olympics. everyones cool. ur cool too' 'haha ur right yet ur still winning' 'hm. its not a competition.'#i was trying to make you laugh im sORRY i was being goofy when i said that i promise i did not say it straight#'you have so many cool tattoos' 'oh ive got a couple tattoo artist friends' 'oh thats so cool. maybe i could get a foot in the door'#like obviously as a joke but they replied gently 'you shouldnt seek friends out just to get something from them.'#NO I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY IT HAPPENS TO ME CONSTANTLY I KNOW TRUST ME#i panicked and was like 'oh haha no i wasnt serious dont worry. im an artist so i know the feeling.' but i guess it came across as like#yknow. bc they just went 'hm.' and pulled out their phone#FUMBLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so embarrassed#the worst part was id been talking to someone in the back who makes familiar plushies and shed set a few out#so i was talking to them while i was trying to pull up her insta to look up more info about one of the familiars#bc it looked SO FUCKING COOL and i stood there saying that to my husband right in front of them after this legendary fumble#finally pulled up the insta post for it and. they own that one. its theirs. they dressed it like that. i was so fucking embarrassed skdjfks#i wanted to look at the pricetag bc i assumed it was there bc she HADNT sold it yet#god. legendarily embarrassed.
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CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER (bark), THRILLER (bark) NIGHT
Usopp's outfit is so funny for reals
He got the whole squad laughing
Luffy enablers at it again.... (Robin.... I know.....)
The humor panels so far have been so good!!! God this arc is so funny
HE SAID ITā¼ļøā¼ļø
They look like birds šš
It's just too good... luffy taking cerberus and zombies what can't he do
It's just banger after banger what can I say
Franky feeling for other people because of his guilt complex and sanji lying through his teeth and pulling out the women excuse to seem unaffected... yeah
Look at them.... look how they ate
Omg joyboy reference?? (No)
Sanji is rubbing off on usopp.... also chopper noticing that is sogeking's weapon akdhaksjak
ANOTHER SLAY!!!!!
Their priorities: I'm not strong enough, there isn't enough food, and nami isn't here
Franky going from wanting to kill brook for his jokes to making a joke like his after he hears his backstory... exactly (Robin was already enabling him before the backstory even fdagjsfha)
Sanji is altering his body and actually being on fire to communicate to us how fucking mad he is..... I need more of him going insane I do I do
My god what is he doing ALDJALAJALA
AHSAHAHQHAH THEY ARE THE SAME!!! naaah sanji wouldn't force a woman to be his wife
You cant see me but I am nodding my head in agreement over and over
You don't understand he altered his body to communicate to us how mad he is. He inploded himself and then reconstituted again. Those germa 66 genes are insane
You tell em usopp!!!! The first of many girls you've scared into defeat!!! Akdjqknql
Zoro zombie regressed to not trusting robin akdjaks he's still in there
ROBI-CHO SUPLEX??? HELL YEAAAAAH
There is zosa- [GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]
Super frapper gong.... he is doing combo shots with frobin... omg.... parents....
Everything is so fun I'm having such a good time reading.... and then zosan angst like damn I am being fed well here
#in the anime the guys didn't say they wanted to die aldjlajala for the kids luffy just wants to turn into a clam#thriller bark is so funny.... 'worst arc' my ass.... it's funny as hell and then we get zosan angst. best thing ever#same with skypiea but there we got really nice relationships betwen characters and nolan x calgara homoeroticism for the ages#and LORE for the ages. not like the kuma incident won't be talked about in the history books but yeah#everyone calling absalom perv salom... yeah#sanji in that fucking penguin never gets old.... also HELLO LOLA#moira fought against kaido and lost akdjsksnks is that why he became a warlord? just like whitebeard defeated crocodile?? out of spite??#also what is the land of ice where moira got oars? he also mentioned it before too... i thot he was referring to ryuma so it was wano but n#the legend of the continent puller who built a nation of villains.... okay okay oars....#oars was killed 500 years ago.... āļøāļø this somehow feels important bc of its closeness to the void century etc#zombie luffy oars wanting sanjis food.... š¬š¬š¬ of course.....#oars luffy maintaining his dream... yeah yeah. also namis outfits for this arc are so sickening.... i miss them already#the zombie generals being at absalom's wedding... thats so funny..#luffy oars is so funny aldjslsn just making himself a hat and steering his giant ship... of course#you guys think they are going to make sanji mad about the clear clear fruit in the opla or completely ignore it bc his reasoning is bad#like it makes sense with the wci backstory it does but that would be spoilers lmao. so its either he wants to peep on women or nothing#i love the greek chorus of the two zombies telling the audience how they are both as bad in that regard. amazing#did ryuma use french for his attack.... there is zosan everywhere for tho-[GUNSHOTS]#zombie ryuma's design is also cool as hell.... his blood is literally fire.... come on now....#also zoro says he wants to act like this fight didnt happen... is that why he says fuck all in wano to hiyori? damn. he said i put shame#in you and your country but i will keep it quiet bc you gave me a cool sword and fight and i am actually so honorable. thats him yeah...#zombie zoro and sanji remaining tfait being that they hate (love fighting) each other... there is zosa-[GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]#i forgot how much oars destroyed them... after enies lobby they seem untouchable but without their captain there... the gears are turning..#also btw i cannot believe im gonna get an answer about why the skypieans and the shandians have wings. thats insane#i am enjoying luffy oars so much it is so fun. trying to enjoy it bc i know i won't be laughing anymore once sabaody kicks in.... fuck me..#usopp and franky wanting to wait for luffy to beat oars down but zoro and sanji know... and they will KNOW soon enough....#i forgor kuma asked about ace to nami... what is going on. kuma coming from the warlord meeting too.... did he want to warn him??#he wanted to inform moria about balckbeard becoming a warlord omg here we go.... also moria being racist towards kuma hello???#and he strictly follows the government.... until here bc he lets luffy go.... christ.... he asks about ace bc he knew what blackbeard did..#reading one piece
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its been so long since human content/new content with no book relevancy even the youtubers and theorists like dawko and john are getting restlessš
#dawko going its not gonna happen steel wool right over glamfred and rhe humans not coming back#and john going 'im... totally okay with that happening š' about mimics story being spoiled in the books 2 years before sotm#like dude even theyre feeling it#dawko would love a fnaf game about absolutely nothing so his excitment about sotm makes sense#but its refreshing seeing john actually criticize it bc it deserves to be even if it was really tame and not really explicitly said#we understand and its just. so nice seeing someone like john actually aware of how stupid it id#instead of everyone being okay with it and not criticizing it for some reason#even tho it kind of sucks#like john is one of the last surviving theorists and a big figure in the community#seeing him actually not shy away from at least implying he thinks its bad and dumb in a video is just.#soo refreshing#like so many times i felt like i was insane for disliking all the mimic theories before ruin came out#i thought it was boring. mimic is a book villain#its so sad seeing john try to actually theorize about mimic in an interesting way with a satisfuing narrative that isnt just c&p#but it just turns out that actually yeah. its game is a rerun of its book lore that came out years ago#and we spent three entire years foreshadowing and teasing 'carnival' in games to hype this game up and its just c&p book lore nothing new#except the new shit being like. stuff about OG freddys and og characters which. are not explaining the mimics backstory#its just like whyy did they do it like this. and they shafted basically every single thing else to do it for years#no wonder dawko is starting to actually joke about them never bringing them back and john is implying his distaste#pandas.txt#discourse#sorryyyyy#its just like i think about sotm and im like i dont need to be that hard on it. theres nothing inherently wrong with a game explaining#mimics backstory#and then i remember how it was spoiled 2 years earlier in the books and everybody already knows its story and theres nothing#new about the mimic in this game save for a random new form#and im like yeah nevermind its okay to be critical about it they somehow handled the mimics story in the worst way possible#up to this point#like if youre a fan of literally anything else in the story youll resent mimic at least a little bit for how much it hijacked everything#even all mimic fans are getting are reruns of shit they already know
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it should be illegal to feel like this on your birthday
#i really loved my morning i got such nice gifts from my mom#and it was nice to just have a morning off#but that was honestly the worst class iāve ever been in#i was trying to talk to my professor but my voice sounded so off#iām so stressed bc iām so behind i donāt know what to do itās not clear at ALL#i think heās assuming everyoneās done something like this but itās not true!! iām a sophomore and everyone else is a junior or senior#and i was trying to hard not to break down and i think i made it#but now iām in my room and i need everyone to shut up#i want to take a shower to calm down but i canāt bc my roomate is here and she knows i already took one today#and i donāt like that iām 20 iām scared of growing up#and im homesick im always homesick in the back of my heart#i just want a hug honestly
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Ah fine I'll post somethin. Experimenting with designs and shit is all I'm doin. Nothin new.
(Not posting the colored in versions yet. These are only concept sketches. Keep that in mind)...
The digital "version" of ^this^ is just some lazy color blocking I did. (Pay no mind to the weird light effects); But it does add a little clarity to the original sketch that might be helpful. Note: the values will change to some degree later.
Full body type idea ^here^. The tail is fan shaped from proper perspective.
The basic blocks of his design include an array of different animal features i.e. plucked feathers and skin, goat horns and eyes, coyote skull and body, and lizard scales. Idk if anyone was curious though;
if anyone asks for more detail in the design inspirations and lore I might share it. I just don't really feel the need to post every part of my process yk (especially if I'm not 100% happy with it)
#Most of the reason I don't post stuff even when I do draw is cause I don't really wanna share it with everyone or it's not ready etc.#Just a personal boundary I guess.#i hope you guys understand#ik my schedule is real wack in gen but it's nothing i can help (currently going through treatments for my condition + other personal things)#plus I'm really terrible at gaging audiences so i have no idea what people want me to post#cause sure i can do silly cartoons but more often than not i like doing detailed stuff like this#though it doesn't tend to get as much attention as memes. that's only expected#but im thinkin about posting more about my ocs (maybe in comic snippets and stuffšš)#OH also i am drawing stuff for kids. obviously not this lol but nice cartoony things š#probably won't post those aside from maybe actual pages cause the other stuff is just doodles for school kidsš#again. lemme know if that's anything you'd wanna see.#my art blog#my art stuff#my art#my ocs#dulce oc#my oc stuff#sketch#traditional art#digital sketch#concept art#oc concept#(yes this is dulce. don't question it lol. transformation go brrr)#demon oc#demon original character#once in a blue moon posting weeeee#personal stuff#rant in tags#these drawings are from September and October which. ig isn't the WORST timeline but still. not technically new stuff sorry#demon design
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SKADJKAJFKSFSAA content warning: embarrassing moment during my dinner out... /lh
#so - my dinner party right? while eating - i couldnt help but notice the waiters that attend to our tables were... young and nice looking#SAGFHHJAHJGSDSAGAS LISTEN JUST LISTEN#one of them stood out to me - he just looked.. really good looking#i promise you i dont fall easily irl -- but this guy just caught my attention#he had the whole waiter outfit though it was more casual - i frowned noticing that he didnt have a nametag on like the other workers ASDDJA#everytime i passed by - i would glance at him and just.. idk appreciate him adjsahsjfksfs im so sorry if this sounds weird HELPLASDAWHA#he just kept visiting our table since there were many of us and i would just smile when he pops up#now when everyones done eating - he would pick up their plates and bro. he took one plate in front of me and i was not ready for it SDFGSHF#picked up the dish next to my sister and i was like ASDAHFJSDAGSD (BREATHE)#BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT WORST? (OR BEST?)#IT WAS GETTING LATE. THE RESTARAUNT WAS CLOSING UP AND THE WAITERS KINDA SLOWED DOWN WITH THEIR PACE#they were moving the chairs back in order. the guy i like decides to sit down. and hes there. just breathing#SUDDENLY HE STARTS TO REMOVE HIS BOWTIE AND I WAS LIKE.OH OKAY OKAY. OH#i thought that was it BUT THEN NOOOO HE UNDOES TWO OF HIS BUTTONS AND I SAW HIS COLLAR BROOO I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD#AND THEN WE WOULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WHAT KINDA FUCKIN WATTPAD STORY IS THISSSSSSSS#I WAS SO . EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO LIKE AKSJDAKJFS WHY IS HE SO FINE HHHRRR#i was legit praying to just think back to steven like i dont know how to handle this genuinely ahjdfksafhsfsa#what a day that was......#~ rambling#man i hope this never happens to me again /lh
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. Thereās so MUCH. Like I donāt even know how to describe it to you if you havenāt read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what heās feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like heāll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard youād almost think itās projection but itās not heās legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and heās thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows theyāre fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, āyouāre a wonderful friend :)ā AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around himā¦ā¦ā¦ UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to himā¦ā¦. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusiveā¦. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not nowā¦ he refuses to tell anyone when heās in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did somethingā¦ Iām. IāM. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESNāT EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YETā¦. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. Heās so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kidsā¦ heāll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person heās talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didnāt even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people heās talking to bc heās SO. AUGHHHH
#this is why āreading the TOA booksā fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be#so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating#like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you donāt really know much about bc heās flighty and hard to read#and finding out āwow he cares about us a lot more than I thoughtā#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere#but heās still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u donāt know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak#and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u#and every time u were nearby he was going āMY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABYā¦ JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUDā¦ā¦#my beautiful perfect angelsā¦ all of their parents best traits and none of our worstā¦. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing#i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldnāt kill me for it :(ā#and itās like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War#Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didnāt go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy#and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool#your own parent doesnāt know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock#how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time#toa#longpost
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TRIGLYCERCULE'S REMINDER THAT I DO NOT SUPPORT NOR REGULARLY THINK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I POST ABOUT. NO I DONT FANTASIZE ABOUT THE 9TH RAMBLE I CAME UP WITH OF NIGHTMARE MAKING SOME KIND OF NEW CRAZY TORTURE METHOD FOR THE TRIO!!! IM SORRY!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO SAY THIS!!!!
DISCLAIMER: TORTURE IS NOT OK OKAY????
^ me to the little demon in my head coming up with these OUTRAGEOUS ideas
#AND THE WORST PART IS IM LAUGHING ABOUT THE POST TOO#BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL ITS TERRIFYING ITS LITERALLY HELL ITS LIKE THE WORLDS WORST PLACE#nightmare please stop sneaking into my head and making me make my trio suffer#please. man i was having such a nice non nightmare infested day.........#i cant be trusted with the bad sanses concept because all i hear is nightmare is negativity incarnate#and then i RUN with the concept. no in fact i FLY with the concept to make the most abhorrent ideas ever#i am SO sorry to all the killers and dusts and horrors ive just doomed in the utmv by willing this into existence it wasn't my fault#everyone has a little dream and nightmare on their shoulders. sometimes the nightmare tells me to ruin the characters i love for funsies#i cant be trusted with the bad sanses concept at ALL. idk if ive ever made a fluffy bad sanses post EVER#it's either nightmare committing the most heinous hate crimes towards the mtt#or the mtt shit talking him and finding ways to go against them. no in between i fear#how do those people do it how do they think of the gang in positive situations. i certainly cant!!!#me to anybody who hcs the trio as brothers (you have a will of an unknown force that i could never muster)#tricule rant
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its been such a godawful day i feel like something inside me just broke. Im gonna start acting like a total bitch from now on i just cant handle playing nice any more. Its too much its too much im eighteen im just a kid i cant keep carrying all this
#squeaking#I literally can just no longer take it#I might be about to become the worst most volatile persom but idc#And if it drives everyone away. Well. So be it#ive been kind of struggling against the urge to isolate anyway#so its like. Yeah whatever#seems like everyones already on track to abandon me anyway! Ill just speed up the process#make it a bit easier for everyone!#Cause im so nice and kind#Always have been#Not that anyone gives a fuck about anything ive done for them#They will still choose to prioritize shitty white guys over me#I already knew that but like idk#It still stings every time it happens#so. Yeah .whatever#i caaant be the loadbearer anymore. I have to get out#As long as i still have my brother i dont care what happens to my social life.
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hhh
#in neg city#starting to get that feeling again that im just a bad person :-(#i dont know what it is its just like. i should be friendly i should be nice i should like everyone#but now i find that like even people who i care about A LOT just. annoy me? like i constantly feel annoyed by people#and thinking the meanest things and it makes me feel like im just like Him just someone with a rotten heart and soul#it makes me feel like the worst person in the world. i dont even feel real most days now but this makes me feel awful#like okay maybe i am just rotten to the core. maybe i shouldnt have friends#i want to isolate so bad just so no one has to deal with me#i dont want anyone to talk to me i dont deserve it i dont deserve anything#im an awful person and i just need to accept that ig
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do i need help and comfort? yes
do i desperately want to gouge my eyes out when i receive it? also very much yes
#did i not sleep a wink crying? yup#did i break down at work and start sobbing in front of the strictest senior doc after he yelled at me? my WORST NIGHTMARE in residency? yup#was everyone actually really nice about it which made me feel WORSE? yes#senior doc sat me down and talked about setting boundaries and helped me a lot even if hes not my supervisor#the nurses who i snapped at and felt horrible were so understanding one nurse just chatted w me over an hour bout games n stuff to cheer up#my work wife stayed w me until 11pm! at my night shift and helped me so much and supported me#i appreciate it all to hell and back but boy getting help feels like shit š i feel like im being babied#or worse i feel like im being pitied#and worst is i still feel like crap and tired and all cry-ish. my brains dumb as shit#vent tw#delete later#idk i need time off but cant have any š« #everyone said i should call in sick after my next shift#maybe i should orz#burrito talks
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Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.
#ventings#drew up a really cute sketch and I will be honest I wanna share it at this stage sooo bad but my brain keeps telling me#that my dialogue writing is atrocious. so i guess im keeping this to myself until its lined lol#its going to take so much for me to share it and not go `sorry if this is ass haha..` BECAUSE I DONT WANNA SOUND LIKE IM FISHING#FOR COMPLEMENTS. IM NOT. I JUST GENUINELY DON'T THINK A LOT OF WHAT I COME UP WITH IS GOOD#LOL. LMAO EVEN idk im not even sad about this its kinda just pissing me off. can i not be confident in my works at least once#i think this is why i dont write a lot either. cuz id love to do it more i just constantly think what i put down is complete ass and it#demotivates me. positive comments are nice and i appreciate them sm but then my brain goes back on its bullshit#going to throw up and cry so many talented people surround me and i genuinely do not get what anyone sees in me LOL#like you can follow people who emulate the fnf style better. you can follow people who make better ship art or fics#you can follow people who are funnier. the worst is feeling like everyone around you is a moment away from realizing youre#actually worth nothing and dropping you for someone better at articulating things or who are funnier or are less annoying or#okay i just looked into the invisible camera and gave a toothy smile and a thumbs up to stop myself from crying i think#ive gone far enough into this. im going to bed#sorry everyone who sees this i promise im not normally this much of a sad bitch!#my inhibitions are just lowered cuz im tired and also all of my friends should be asleep rn so im not gonna accidentally#make people feel bad for me cuz of this. gluh. ive got shitpost doodles in the works ill be back to being goofy shortly
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every scene with aveline in da2 is like oh wow aveline woudl be so fucking cool. if we explored this in deep. wouldnt it
#replaying da2#its just.... im playing a rivalry with her wich is pretty cool#beginning with my hawke killing her husband in a āit would be awful for a wife to kill his beloved let me do it insteadā#in a well intentional fucked up way#and then they just disagreeing on stuff#(i love the idea of rivalry paths but sometimes u have to be a huge asshole so i tried to do the rivalry without being full jerk to her dfo#anyways its pretty cool you can also blame her for what happens in All That Remains#its a cool moment i love that they let you just be angry even if its just for the sake of being angry#but gosh she acts like It Couldnt Be Avoided in Any Way hawke Ćŗ_Ć¹ girl you are the leader of the guard#at least i dont know tell me things are gonna improve dfggdfdgfji#tbf her idea of improvement would be like. yeah we should support the templars more#i also went with her to the fade so she could get a bit of understandment about the mages#and she was just like wow mages are not people . like girlllll#learn from isabela and varric pls#its like she doubles down on the awful#wich could be cool and interesting but it just goes nowhere#and then again the qunari getting 2 elves problem like girllll whats going on in the guard#it would had been nice to see her deal with these with like a Feeling IDK or a narrative not like. well she is there#i saw someone talking about how isabela merrill and fenris can end up so badly depending on players choice#while aveline worst outcome is that she doesnt get remarried#and like idk man da2 is this huge tragedy everyone is having a terrible time#she has the worst time at the beginning but then thats it#like the material IS THERE
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my roomies suck so bad ā”
#theyre my direct family members but it doesnt seem like it#they left for the entire weekend without telling me (which is nice cuz i get a break from them)#i decided to do some laundry yesterday so i washed everyone clothes#i forgot to pick it up im the morning and i left for college and it started raining#i thought SURELY. they wont leave the clothes out to soak in the rain. and they didnt!#they only left mine.#outside#to soak up the rain#they are the worst
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