#everyone; oh yeah it's the president's wife

[chuchuscoolhat]

Where's my beautiful dilf husband-?

Normally, meetings with the director were scheduled in advance or at the very least, scheduled a couple of hours earlier depending on the urgency of the matter being handled; after all the detective agency was in charge of cases of exceptional nature, oftentimes involving powers that went beyond casual disturbances, cases too difficult for the police to take control over; yet everyone knew of an untold yet not secret exception to the case; as the visits of the mentioned exceptional case were rather frequent albeit short lasting.

It only had been told once, yet everyone was quick to understand (past their own understandably surprised expressions) one thing...

He's gotten up from his seat already as soon as he was able to capture the scent of a particular familiar fragrance in the air, yet she didn't need to know of this, for he knew that Amrita seemed fond of surprising him. ❝ You should have stayed at home today, it is a cold day to be outside. ❞ He speaks with his usual calm tone of voice yet there is a tenderness in his mannerisms which is not shared with anyone else as he places his haori around her shoulders. A cordial bow and a small kiss over her forehead serve as his greeting as well as a way to test her temperature, wary of the season of colds that have been spreading around lately. ❝ Tea or coffee? ❞

[inkskinned]

don't worry, they're joking! they're always joking when it would be something, like bigoted. because i'm not a bigot, obviously, i just vote for bigots - well, they're not bigots either, you can't really call someone a bigot just because they have religious views. this is the land of the free, and it's a christian nation, after all. you can pretend otherwise but let's just be real here; all our values are really based on the bible. anyway, i know you liberals get your panties in a twist - can i say that, or are you gonna cancel me, haha, #metoo - about every little joke he said and every little dramatic political view. oh, fascist this and fascist that. you are online too much, you love the word fascist because it's big and you're just paranoid about things.

well, no, i don't, like, read the policies. i have a life. and so what if they wrote - stop it, it's not a manifesto, okay? he eventually backed off from that - oh the vice president? who cares about that guy, that isn't real power. you're being dramatic, they're just spitballing. everyone makes big claims when they're out there campaigning. he just means he personally wouldn't get gay married. you want him to divorce his wife and get gay married? anyway, even if they cancelled gay marriage - it wouldn't happen, okay? nobody i know really cares about that - it'd be states-rights like those abortions you love so much. and you live in a blue state. you live in like the gay capital of the world. i don't know why it'd be so bad for you, you're borrowing trouble there.

and besides, you're missing the point of his campaign! you people want to be victims so bad you completely ignore what we're really voting for. there are tons of good things that happened because of his name and his policies - the economy, for one. oh stop, just because i can't tell you what a tariff is off the top of my head doesn't mean i don't have eyes. and stuff was better under him! well, yeah, anything good is his work, obviously. what? no, all the bad stuff was biden. and probably also obama. what do you even care about this, anyway? it's not going to effect you. it's four years.

oh my god, not the climate change argument again, i'm not getting into that. i don't care about it. if my house is beachfront that's great news for me. and we don't really know what's causing it. no, i saw you forwarded me those articles and i just laughed. what, do you think i have time to sit on my ass and read shit? huh? well, no, i like reading the babylon bee. they actually had a great article about all you climate freaks. and in the meantime, what do you want me to do? i'm not paying 4 dollars for gas. liberals love to talk about solutions but never pay for the solutions. what do you mean blocked because of congress. you gotta stop with the conspiracy shit.

no, my side doesn't have real conspiracy theories. the vaccine thing is a real thing. besides, you yourself don't like big pharma. just because i have an opinion, suddenly now you think big pharma is great? and this is serious, okay? your mom's friend's coworker has a kid that died from a heart event. i don't want you getting any more vaccines. i regret that you got them as a kid, i'd redo them. what do you mean you'd vaccinate your own kids? are you finally thinking of having some? you know i want grandkids - oh stop, i've never pressured you, i'm just saying that if you're going to get gay married, you might as well give me some normal grandkids to love.

stop, you know what i meant. what? no, he's not going to take away your right to adopt. besides, you could always use a sperm donor, haha, i know your high school ex would love to - jesus! okay! no need to snap. i'm just saying that you don't need to be married to have a kid. the only real benefit to marriage is taxes, haha. it won't change anything. oh my god, no, there won't be a rise in hate crimes. well, it's not his fault what people do in his name! he eventually spoke out against that, anyway.

what do you mean he supported them? i didn't hear him say that. oh. well, yeah, he said it, but like, he's clearly joking.

[lqveharrington]

Winter Gala | C.S.

summary: Coriolanus’ first winter gala as Panem’s President and your first winter gala as First Lady.

pairing: young, president!coriolanus snow x fem, first lady!reader

includes: literally just fluff and kissing. (and some hints to reader being pregnant.)

a/n: some winter love for my favorite (aka coryo bb)

“Don’t you look gorgeous, my First Lady.” Coriolanus wraps his arms around your waist as you clip your earrings on, smiling at him through the mirror.

“You look pretty handsome yourself, Mr. President.” You turn in his arms and lace your own behind his neck, eyes flickering around his face. “First winter gala as the President, Coryo. That’s exciting.”

He lowers his arms down to your hips, placing a chaste kiss to your lips. “Let’s give them a night to remember.”

You let one hand drift to his lips, wiping some of the lipstick off. “Perfect.”

Truly, everything in the Snow Manor was perfect. The help decorated the walls and halls with the lights you deemed the best, and the cooks made the most delicious foods for those to come eat. There were christmas trees present in almost every room, with waiters holding champagne glasses on silver platers. Coriolanus and yourself made sure everything was perfect for the first winter gala as President of Panem.

All of those who held status in the Capitol were invited, along with the past district mentors whom you both attended classes with. There was press inside and unwanted paparazzi outside, immediately becoming the talk of those who arrived to the manor.

As the Snow manor filled with distinguished guests, you were hooked around Coriolanus’ arm like a beautiful trophy, conversing with only those you wanted to.

“It’s wonderful to see you again, Livia.” You give her your best smile, removing yourself from your husband to give her a brief hug. “I’m sure Festus has been a pain, as usual.”

“Don’t say that.” She quietly laughed, giving her own husband a glance before looking at the manor in awe and grabbing two champagne glasses of a server’s plate. “Here.”

“Oh no, thank you.” You decline politely, folding your hands together.

“Suit yourself.” She placed one back onto another plater. “The place looks wonderful. The lighting is everything.”

“Thank you. I do love a—“

“Excuse me, ladies, but could I borrow my wife for a bit? It’s time for my speech.” Coriolanus cut in, sneaking an arm around your waist.

Livia nodded, gesturing toward you. “Of course.”

You give her one last smile before following Coriolanus. Sure, you wanted to converse with old classmates, but as the most popular couple in Panem, you had other duties to tend to.

“See Tigris yet?” You murmur in his direction as you ascend the stairs, Coriolanus’ hand placed on the small of your back.

He shook his head, “She didn’t show. She called and said she was busy with work.”

“That’s too bad. I was hoping to speak to her about an important matter.” You frown and mumble the last bit, your ringed hand lightly moving to your stomach. “Anyway, you must mention how you were delighted to see everyone come here today.”

“Of course, I will. You think I don’t remember that, beautiful?” He kissed your cheek as you reached the balcony looking over the foyer. “Ready?”

“Always.” You lace hands with him.

Coriolanus instructed someone to shut the main lights off and flash the spot light on you both, earning awed noises from the crowd below.

“Thank you all for coming to our first winter gala!” Coriolanus started and got applause from those in the audience.

He went on to thanking everyone who came and spoke about his time as President, calling out those who helped him win the election.

“And of course, I would not have done this all with my lovely wife. Give it up for her, yeah?” He spoke, your name flawlessly living his lips. You flush from the praise but wave to the people below, squeezing Coriolanus’ hand.

“Want to say anything?” He murmured as the applause quieted. You shook your head, resting your hand on your stomach again.

Coriolanus kissed your cheek once more before wrapping up his speech, raising his glass as a final gesture. Everyone else followed suit, your own glass of water being lifted.

“Wonderful speech, my love.” You show your pearly whites as he whisked you away to a hallway.

“That’s because you wrote it, darling.” He met your lips, feeling your grin widen in the kiss.

You let one hand rest on his chest while the other comes around to his neck, Coriolanus’ hands firm on your waist.

“I love you.” You mumble in between kisses, holding your urge to not slide your fingers through his slicked back hair.

He squeezes your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. “I love you more.”

read more about coriolanus here !!

©lqveharrington - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Mr. Walz

Featuring Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz

Back in the late ‘90s, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, and now Vice President Kamala Harris’ running mate, was a high school teacher and football coach in rural Minnesota. I attended Mankato West from 2000-2004, having Walz for 11th grade history. Being gay at the time, I initially expected to hate Walz, because he was a football coach and a hunter. But he was accepting and really friendly with me; with everyone really. He’s genuinely the goofy teacher that was in the hallway greeting every kid every morning, giving high fives and fist bumps. He and his wife, also a teacher at the school, provided vital support during my formative years. And to be honest, I thought he was cute.

He was in his late 30s and about 21 years my senior at that time, about my height, which is just shy of five foot-nine. He was chiselled like most middle-aged men with a gut. He dressed conservatively, usually a short sleeve solid colored shirt with a tee shirt under it and trousers which seemed to be a few sizes too small. I couldn’t help but find myself staring at his tightly held manhood, which showed a clear outline of his thick cock. That bulge had me daydreaming during our meets and school outings. I would jerk-off with this image in my mind every night.

After graduation, I didn’t see my ex-teacher again until I attended a campaign dinner in Falcon Heights, Minnesota. He instantly recognized me, smiling broadly and gave me a big hug. We’re talking 20-something years ago, and to have your 10th-grade geography teacher remember you after all of that time, it means something. I couldn’t call him Gov. Walz, because he will forever be Mr. Walz.

We talked a bit then, and a couple times throughout the evening. He asked me about what I was up to, if I was dating, the usual chit chat. I was so giddy to see Mr. Walz that I confessed that I had a crush on him in high school. I told him I thought about him every night when I jack off. How I use a big carrot up my ass, and pretend it was his dick. And I told him I knew he would never like me, that way, but I had to tell him.

Surprisingly, he suggested I should come over to his hotel, later, placing his hotel room card on the edge of the sink right next to me.

"Wait here, I'll have an agent escort you to my room in an hour." He said before leaving. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but no one had, so I quickly grabbed the key.

Sure enough, an hour later, a secret service agent escorted me to his hotel. The journey upstairs was unbearable. Reporters to dodge, people for the agent to nod away. By the time I got to Mr. Walz’s room, I was afraid he’d think I wasn’t’ interested, but when I entered the room, he was ready and waiting. The lights were dim, Mr. Walz was in a hotel bathrobe, and he’d ordered porn on the television.

"Is this what you really want?" I asked.

"More then anything." He replied.

I made the first move, leaning in to kiss him and as soon as our lips met, his arms went around me. Quickly, he started unbuttoning my shirt, unzipping my pants, and basically tearing my clothes off as he moved his tongue around inside my mouth. His hand was on my hard dick, feeling and testing the size.

"Oh, yeah." He moaned, as he ran his hand down my tender, sensitive cock before squatting.

With his mouth at my crotch, he ran his tongue up all seven inches, before gently pushing me towards the bed. On the bed, our bodies melded into one. His hard dick was teasing mine, as once again, our tongues found the other's mouth. Hands everywhere, as we hugged and rocked each other. Kissing my way down his chest, I left a trail of saliva all the way to his cock. Taking him in my mouth, I began to suck while I swirled my tongue around his boner before he started thrusting into my throat, making me gag. I guess he got pretty turned on by what I was doing to him as he turned me around and put us into 69 position.

As Mr. Walz took my dick in his mouth, I took his dick in mine. I worked on it with such skill that he began moaning deep inside his throat as he sucked my dick. And he could really suck; he knew how to please a man. I began to feel him starting to breathe rapidly and shake. I knew he was going to explode soon. I was getting close as well.

Wanting Mr. Walz to fuck me, I quickly seperated, and rolled off the bed leaving him laying there completely naked with a huge hard-on. Hurrying to my pants, I pulled a tube of lubrication out of his pocket before I bounded back to the bed. After telling him I wanted him to fuck me, I tensely watched as Mr. Walz applied the lubricate to his cock, knowing the pain I was about to feel. I couldn’t help but thinking back to my high school years when I first saw him. I had always wanted Mr. Walz to fuck me since then. Now was the time.

“You got a nice tight asshole.” Mr. Walz told me as he rubbed some of the KY onto my asshole.

He lifted my legs and stared me straight in the eyes as he guided the head of his cock to my ass. As soon as his dick made contact, he immediately thrust all 8 inches into me. I gasped loudly, so loudly in fact that I’m sure the people in the next room heard.

“I’m going to really open up your asshole.” Mr. Walz called out with a wicked smile on his face as he slowly started fucking me.

Noticing each time the fat head of his cock passed my hard prostate, pre-cum would squirt from the tip of my dick. He reached down and scooped it up with his finger, brought it to his mouth and licked it clean.

"Oh, man, that's good." He said, as he scooped up more, but I pulled his finger to his mouth, and sucked it in.

We smiled at each other before he leaned forward and kissed me deep, our tongues caressed each other, sharing my pre-cum. Then as we kissed he sent his cock plunging deeper into me. I arched my back as I was forced to take more cock deeper into my ass than ever before.

“Yes, fuck me, Mr. Walz.” I found myself saying when he broke our embrace, “Give it to me, Mr. Walz. Make me yours!”

And he did just that. Mr. Walz started fucking me hard and fast. I took each of the strokes of his his old manhood willingly. I wanted to give him total pleasure and I could tell from the far away look in his eye that the old man was as lost in me as I was in him. I knew he was getting close, and I didn’t want to stop him, so I didn’t say a word about pulling out. Having only had sex with his wife for all those years, he didn’t think of it either. Soon he was filling my ass with ropes of cum, and I felt it filling me up.

After we got off and caught our breath, he looked at me and we both started laughing and telling each other how glad we were that we'd just met up today.

[rei-ismyname]

President Cyclops

The 100th Anniversary Special: X-Men is bizarre shit and I don't know what it's trying to say. It has some very interesting content and implications, such as Scott Summers being President of the USA. That's right - his campaign slogan was 'equality for all.'

We're told that Revolutionary Cyke continued down that path until very recently. He very publicly saved the world and rode that goodwill to a successful presidential bid. I know time is screwy in Marvel but that means he was an active enemy of the state for ~50 years and not only became electable but presumably believed the presidency a means to achieve revolutionary ends. Hmm.

Execute the president? Hell yeah! Oh wait, it's the other context. The boring one. Bigots storming the White House to subvert democracy is not a fantasy concept, but would Scott really be giving this order? Institutions have established protocols for security, especially the US government. Is this meant to be him dirtying his hands? I'm down for direct action as much as the next person, but state violence apparatus don't need permission to act all that often. It's their reason for existing. It's vague wording that's sure to be overinterpreted, but using all necessary force is their mandate.

Yeah, we're not really getting any political content sorry. Why would anyone want that in a story about Scott becoming president? Lol at Logan and Scott only burying the hatchet recently and double lol at Logan instigating it. Yawn at the Emma/Jean rivalry, though sadly she's wrong. Lots of Superhero-adjacent people here, even Sebastian Shaw shows up to congratulate Scott. Maria Hill not only managed to keep her job but now she works for a guy she's been chasing for half a century - or at least long enough for Shogo to be old enough to be romantically active.

I see you Marvel, having the only textually queer person in the room interested in someone we've only known as a baby. Baffling choice, at best. Scott isn't very happy to see Sebastian Shaw, as his entire existence clashes with 'equality for all.' You're the US president brother, selfish oligarchs are now a big part of your world. Unless the country changed a LOT, and the revolution continuing this long implies it hasn't, the USA is a neoliberal empire of corporations. Being the president changes you, not America.

Scott is stressed out over ongoing organised riots. Becoming cock of the walk has galvanised anti-mutant forces, including a group called The Eugenics Society. At least they're honest? That's some ugly branding and honestly I'm starting to think this tale might be a little silly. Mrs Cyclops AKA Emma Frost listens to his woes and puts him to sleep. Then a fucking portal opens up and yanks Emma into it - with someone she knows on the other side.

I really thought that was Daken on my first read. Nyet, Logan has a ponytail, bub. He's definitely swagger jacking Daken but at least he's being sensible.

Is Logan in charge of security? Oh no

Scott runs out of his room in his underpants screaming about Emma, but nobody knows who that is. Scott has no wife and the Cuckoos don't have no mother (technically true I suppose, but they chose each other.) It's odd but everyone except Scott is concerned about the rioters January 6ing the joint.

Scott evades his security and Secret Service (if they exist) and gets up high to address the violent racists fucking shit up. They have no idea what he's talking about but figure 'one less mutant is great. Also, when did you get married?'

Scott the very vulnerable squishy person with a bullet allergy just stays still while ranting, though fortunately the X-Men spot the drawn gun in time to be heroes.

Lol, no actually. Scott gets shot dead. Done. Over. Triage can't heal him, Kitty failed to catch a bullet, and Scott must have left his sense of self preservation in the Weapon X facility. Tempus could go back and stop it but doesn't. This scene provokes confusing feelings for me. Presidential assassinations are a lark but I like Scott. Gotta face facts though, President Cyclops' term is over. What a strange choice for an anniversary issue. What next?

Oh, right. Obviously the Phoenix has a vested interest in US politics.🙄 It erased Emma and a bunch of other mutants from existence for reasons. I bet the Phoenix did 9/11 and installed Manuel Noriega too.

I think the book is trying to tell us that Scott shouldn't be President. The 'embodiment of eternity' is saying it so it must be true. All presidencies bring about war and disaster - it's in the job description. What makes Scott's so bad? 'The world is not ready...' Oh fuck it's even worse than I thought. This Phoenix is an ultraliberal.

HEAR ME X-MEN! NO LONGER AM I THE COSMIC ENTITY YOU KNEW! I AM INCREMENTAL CHANGE AND STABLE INTEREST RATES INCARNATE! THE STATUS QUO, NOW AND FOREVER! THE GLOBAL SOUTH AND THE ENVIRONMENT ARE FINE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!

Hmm. I really wasn't sure what to expect when I learnt there was a President Cyke issue. Scott and this entire universe getting Minority Reported by the Phoenix into a nostalgic reset is metatextually hilarious. It's played completely straight, though. I guess the moral of the story is that Emma sucks, atoning is pointless, and change is bad.

I'm not kidding myself that a minority president in some massive game changer (in fact I welcome the death of empires) but the idea that people shouldn't try to change the systems they're in is odious. All formalism and function is telling me this is a happy ending/beginning but it really doesn't feel like it. Wow, I can't believe this comic exists.

[asbestos4president]

Hamuel Burger and the American Dream episode 4 trancript

Episode title: Indeterminance Night and the Mercurial Vision (audiobook part one)

Patty: How about this?

Indie: So you're wearing a minecraft hoodie. Puke green cargo shorts. A tamagotchi necklace permanently stuck on the death screen. And on your head is a baseball cap with the text "the only thing I love more than chess is being an aunt". 

Patty: It's funny cause I'm not an aunt! 

Indie: I love it, I really do, but I'm just worried the Australian Prime Minister will see your outfit and not be able to avoid falling in love at first sight. That's how the Trojan war started! Another Trojan War would ruin my vacation!

Patty: You don't have to worry about that. I would never let a horse inside my home. In fact, I'm very afraid of horses. They have this permanently disappointed expression that always reminds me of my mother. Have you ever noticed that?

Indie: Fair. You know we didn't have to go to a thrift store to get you clothes, right? You are currently one of the richest women in America.

Patty: Which is exactly why we had to go to that thrift store! Look at all the bargains I got. Here's a mug that says "I Heart Root Canals!" Here's Glee: The Board Game! Here's a sock I lost back in 2014! I needed to buy all of this for my emotional wellbeing.

Wait, you're not mad, right? I know you weren't exactly your husband's biggest fan, but I get it if you don't want me spending his money on- have I shown you this one? It's a toaster that prints Hello Kitty on your breakfast! Yeah. Sorry. I'll ask if they have a return policy.

Indie: Actually, I think we can salvage this. Just put one of my blazers on over your hoodie and we can call it business casual. If anyone asks what business you're trying to be casual about, run.

Patty: Not the blazer! I don't want to look like Hillary Clinton.

Indie: Oh, honey. Hillary Clinton wouldn't be caught dead in those shoes. Now get out of here! Scram! Pokemon Go to the golf course! I love you.

Patty: What?

Indie: What? That was an exceedingly normal thing for the first lady to say to her wife. In fact, it would be highly suspicious if you didn't say it back.

Patty: Oh. Um. I love you too!

Indie: Oh, you love me? Embarrassing. I'm going to hold a press conference to tell everyone, and they're all going to point and laugh. 

Patty: Ugh. 

Ah, wait. Just one thing before I go. So I had this stack of letters… I usually keep them with me, but I can't find them. I'm really worried they were in that bag we threw out. If you have time to look through our stuff to see if they're there, that would be nice. They're really important to me.

Indie: Okay, love you, bye!

Patty: Nice try. If you find those letters, maybe I'll say it back!

[door closing]

(quieter, to herself)

Oh my god. Was that smooth? That felt smooth. Haha! I am a romance wizard!

Judith the Butler: Is Mrs. The President ready for her private jet to the golf course?

Patty: Ah! Judith! You scared me. Have you been here the whole time?

Judith (over creepy sfx): I have been here since before the world began and I shall remain here long after it ends, sweeping up the ashes in preparation for the next species of sentient life to find themselves in need of a butler. I see all and I know all, but what I see is none of my concern and what I know is none of yours. Does Mrs. The President have any further questions?

Patty: Many!

Judith the Butler: Good. Allow me to escort you to your ride. 

[scene change signified by music change to Mysterious Jazz]

Indie: Indeterminance Night and the Mercurial Vision, book the first. Based on a true story. Dedicated to Dr. Medulla O'Blongata, who said my work was derivative. Look at me now, bitch! Please call me if you read this. I miss us. 

Chapter the first.

Sitting alone on her bed, Space Baroness Indeterminance Night found herself conveniently reflecting on the events that had brought her up to this point. She had been but the Baron's lowly wife before a dashing assassin burst into their bedchambers and vanquished him with a laser sword. 

"Oh my," Indeterminance said, for she was wearing only her bedtime spacesuit, which was lacy and diaphanous but in a sort of futuristic way.

That was when the assassin had removed their helmet to reveal a torrent of violet hair. The most beautiful woman Indeterminance had ever seen was standing in her bedroom, and she made a mental note to introduce her to a better brand of conditioner. 

"My lady," said the assassin, dropping to one knee and taking Indeterminance's hand in her own. Indeterminance couldn't help but notice her sultry Space Australian accent. "My lady, I have come to save you from this wretched fate, for tales of your intellect and beauty have spread throughout the galaxy, and I knew I could not rest until I had you for my own."

"Aha!" Said Indeterminance. "Wait until the groupchat hears about this! They all said I needed to lower my standards because I would never find a hot butch space knight. Fools, the lot of them, and lacking in whimsy, too!"

"I must leave you now," said the assassin, her wide brown orbs clouded by sorrow, "for I have to fight off the guards. Would you do me the great favour of disposing of the body?."

"Anything!" gasped Indeterminance. "But what is your name, beautiful stranger? Will I ever see you again?"

"My name is Petroleum Hotdog. I have hidden seven letters around the space palace. If you collect them all, you shall find within the secret code by which to summon me. Until then, farewell, my love!"

"Like Slenderman!"

"This story is set on planet Mercury. I don't know who that is."

Then Petroleum vanished in a gust of violet petals, and Indeterminance was left holding only her right glove, still warm. She shook her head, dispelling any thoughts that might distract her from her mission, and slung the baron's corpse over her shoulder. Her biceps were large and hauntingly beautiful. She scuttled through the space palace, careful not to knock over any of the baron's space vases in which he kept clippings of rare space plants like dandelions and spinach. Under the sounds of fighting outside, she was able to make her way to the doors of the kitchen. They were wooden, a reminder of the planet humans had fled from long ago, and though Indeterminance had never seen a tree in person, the sight of them filled her with nostalgia. She pushed the doors gently, and-

Judith: Mrs. First Lady. What are you doing in the hotel kitchen, if I may ask?

Indie: Uhm.

(back into reading mode)

The space butler! There was no way she could tell them her secret plan to put the Baron's corpse in a blender and feed him to her pet asteroid, Cousin Rockmorton. They would never understand!

Judith: A blender, you say.

Indie: No! I just got lost looking for the hotel pool. Can you point me to it? And let the staff know that the first lady is in there and wishes to remain undisturbed.

Judith: Of course, ma'am.

Indie: Phew!

(back to reading mode)

Her plan having worked effortlessly, Indeterminance set forth for the space palace gardens, which were mostly full of rocks. Space fact: space has a lot of rocks in it. At the centre of the garden was a crater filled with clear blue water, a man made pool heated and dyed to mimic a geothermal spring. She dipped a finger in and tasted it. Chlorine and food colouring. This pool was the crown jewel of the garden, for though it was neither large nor deep, being able to afford decorative water on Mercury was a powerful status symbol. She positioned the baron's body at its side, ready to push him in. Surely he had just been staring at his reflection in the water when he lost his balance and fell.

Judith: I've brought refreshments for you and your companion, ma'am. I do hope I'm not intruding.

Indie: Gah! 

[splash]

My… Companion?

Judith: Yes, your gentleman friend. I can't quite make out his face under the… Is his skin rotting?

Indie: None of my friends are gentlemen, Judith! You know very well that I only associate with harlots and scoundrels. This is just my inflatable liferaft, and it has a skin condition that it's extremely sensitive about.

Judith: My apologies. I shall sit here and perform lifeguard duty as per section 46 of the Good Butler's Guide to Butlering Goodly, Swimsuit Edition. Look, it even has a centrefold containing a diagram of the proper technique by which to build a construction code appropriate sandcastle. In full colour! How very salacious.

Indie: You know, Judith, I suddenly feel rather too cold to swim. I may retire indoors. Is there a fireplace in this hotel at all? Do you think it may need topping up? I have acquired a rare and beautiful piece of kindling that looks like a dead man and smells like a dead man, but has been certified by several coroners to be a log. No need to look too closely.

Judith: There is a fireplace in the dining room, ma'am, however-

Indie: Say no more! I'm off!

(back to reading mode)

So there she was, Space Baroness Indeterminance Night, stalking through the palace like the mighty tigers of yore. Rather than an antelope, her prey was that most elusive beast: the fireplace! 

Writing fact: there are no tigers in space, but I couldn't think of another simile. 

Space fact: Well, actually, space is famously very large, so there could totally be space tigers out there somewhere, chilling. You're just not cool enough to be invited to their parties. 

Indie fact: Now I'm thinking about all the space tiger parties I haven't been invited to, and it's making me sad.

(out of reading mode)

Oh, there's the fireplace! 

(into reading mode)

She approached it trepidatiously, for it could attack at any moment, but all it did was hum quietly and loop the same gif of the platonic ideal of a fire. Gently, as she was a little sorry despite herself, Indeterminance placed the body down and turned her face away. However, instead of the scent of burning flesh reaching her nose, there was only 

(out of reading mode)

- is that seaweed?

Judith: 'tis merely my cologne, ma'am. It's supposed to be elegant and sensual, yet dangerous and masculine.

Indie: You smell like a dead jellyfish.

Judith: Elegant and sensual, yet dangerous and masculine. I came to inform you that this fireplace is electric, so you may have to find some other method by which to dispose of your government certified log. 

Indie: God. Alright. Well, I suddenly feel the need to perform a governmental inspection of the hotel garbage shoot in accordance with current health and safety standards. You know, making sure it's in good enough working order to transport large, cadaverous, formerly presidential items, just as a random example.

Judith (over creepy sfx): You needn't worry. I already tested the strength of the rubbish shoot this morning by tossing down the head chef of this hotel after he tried to serve you eggs that were one degree too cold. He's still in one piece, but so are airpods after you accidentally run them through the washing machine. 

Indie: I see. Are we paying you for these inspections, Judith?

Judith: Oh, no, I do it for the love of our glorious nation.

Indie: Alright, I'll hide this corpse the old fashioned way- with a shovel and a dream. You must have a shovel and a dream in you somewhere, Judith. Please?

Judith: I own no shovel, and I haven't had a dream in years. What's this about a corpse?

Indie: It was here that Indeterminance was confronted with a choice that would change her life forever. Could she trust the butler with the knowledge of her crime? Between her saintly dead mother, her neglectful father and her two horrible step sisters, Rutabaga and Trout, the only one left to raise her had been the butler. They had brushed her hair, tied her laces, soothed her when she cried… If she could not trust this one person, she could trust nobody at all. And yet, still she hesitated.

Judith: You hired me two weeks ago, ma'am. You're paying me ten dollars an hour.

Indie: Fine. Whatever. Just go ahead and ruin my narrative suspense, why don't you. Here's the deal: the president is dead. I replaced him with a purple-haired bisexual woman who wears sandals with socks and is overly passionate about moving horses around in some ancient boardgame. I feel pretty good about this decision. Now, are you going to help me hide his body, or am I going to have to hide yours as well?

Judith: Oh, the president? I've been trying to kill that fucker for years. Pass him over.

[thump]

Thank you. I shall wrap him up and dispose of him discreetly. Like a tampon!

Indie: It's that easy?

Judith: You're rich, you can kill whoever you want. Would you like a lemonade? 

Indie: But Indeterminance had no time to partake in the sweet juice of the lemon, for one more mystery remained to be solved: where were the seven secret love letters of Petroleum Hotdog? She checked the kitchens, the bathrooms, the dining hall, the study, the jewel-counting room, the observatory, the… Aha!

[phone dialling sounds / ringing]

Patty: Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Patricia Bur-

Asbestos: Whatcha doin'?

Patty: Recording my voicemail. It's kinda like when the library's closed so you have to stick your books in the return slot outside, but the slot is a recording of me saying "please leave a message after the beep". Say hi to whoever's listening to this!

Asbestos: No. I don't trust them. What are your intentions with my earth hostage, stranger? State them immediately or I shall blow up your mobile communication device with my mind! Also, please call back and explain to me what a library is. I've been pretending to know so that Patty thinks I'm smart, but based on the metaphor she just laid out, my prior hypothesis that it was some kind of dairy product or perhaps a fancy dog breed has become somewhat challenged. Love and kisses, Asbestos Sputnik Le Guin. 

Patty: What? You didn't tell me you had a cool middle name! Mine is Tomato. Anyway. Please leave a message after the beep. Bessy, do you want to…?

Asbestos: Beeeeeeeeeeeee-

(prolonged coughing fit)

-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! And don't call this number again, you hear me? Bad things will happen if you do! Real bad th-

[recording ends]

Indie: Hello my normal wife. I'm choosing to ignore whatever that was in favour of informing you that I have found your missing correspondence, and that it was in your other jacket. You know, the one that's exactly the same as your regular jacket except in a slightly greyer shade of green. Don't worry, I haven't read your letters! I am a woman of great honour and standing. Sometimes great sitting. I'm multifaceted that way.

[end voicemail]

[Indie hangs up, then picks up the phone again]

[phone ringing]

Operator: You have two new messages.

[beep]

Indie: Hello again, my single-apparition comet. Because I value transparency in our relationship (which we founded entirely on lies) I'm just calling to let you know that I opened one of the letters. I only did it in the interest of national security, and freedom, and because I really wanted to know what was inside. I haven't read it! But I will. I definitely will. Yours truly, love and light, her first ladyfulness Independence Liberty Day.

[beep]

Indie: Hi Patty! I didn't know you had a little brother. He appears to be in severe mental distress. How cute! Listen, there was a letter in there that you must have forgotten to send. So, because I felt a little guilty about reading it, I posted it for you! No need to pay me back for the stamp. XOXO, Indie.

P.S: Okay, if anyone is tapping this phone call, stop it now. I need to talk to my wife ALONE.

Okay, so you want to hear the real gossip? I heard that Independence Day is voiced by Jenny Wang, Patty is voiced by Monkozia, and Judith the Butler is voiced by N.V. May. Asbestos Le Guin is apparently voiced by Bulk, which is wild. I also heard that Spikes edited this episode! Really scandalous stuff. It could ruin their whole careers if it got out that they were such sick freaks! That's why I'm only telling you, and nobody else. K, love you, bye! 

<== ==>

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

Perfect Paradise

(art commissioned from @hekuuu )

"Don't be bemused, it's just the news!

After twenty years of marriage power couple Adrien and Marinette Dupain-Cheng have divorced! Following on the heels of Felix Graham de Vanily's shocking confession has everyone wondering: Is this what drove a wedge between the happiest couple in Paris?"

Ch.1 Tearing at the Seams

Juleka stared at the TV as Nadja's words sank in. That... couldn't be right. Could it?

"... M. And Mme. Dupain-Cheng have three children..."

Oh god, the kids! Juleka felt the unpleasant memory of Jagged's absence when she was growing up sting like a wasp. Sharp and unexpected. Like it always did.

Rose burst in, phone open to the same story playing on the TV. Nadja was one of the few news anchors she trusted not to spread misinformation about their most famous friends.

Still her eyes held disbelief as she looked to her wife. "Juleka? Did you...?"

Juleka shook her head. "He didn't tell me anything." From the way Nadja was saying that they were already divorced Adrien didn't tell anyone.

Pulling out her own phone Juleka called the man whose face was plastered all over the news. Adrien would hate that.

"Hey, it's Adrien! You caught me catnapping but leave a message and I'll get back to you!"

"Adrien! We just saw the news! ...God, I don't know what to say. You didn't-" Juleka took a breath as she cut herself off. Adrien had enough to deal with without her adding to it. "If you need any help. With the kids or whatever just call me. Okay? You're still a member of Kitty Section."

Juleka shot Rose a questioning look who nodded vigorously. "You're still our bandmate even if it's been a while. Okay? We're here for you."

Having said what she needed to Juleka hung up. Hoping her words would remind Adrien that he had people who cared about him. It may be a few years since they were in the same support group but Juleka still remembered him. Just like Adrien still remembered her.

Rose was typing furiously. Probably to Marinette. Adrien may not mind being called but it made Marinette's anxiety spike. And she was busy running Dupain-Cheng Fashions.

"Rose, sweetheart, keep it short." Juleka reminded her as she reached for Rose to sit beside her on the couch.

Her wife's fingers pausing with an "-Oh-" as she sat down hard. "I don't think it's sunk in yet."

"Yeah..." Juleka still remembered how Rose looked the first time she walked on stage wearing a Marinette original. Marinette and Adrien letting Rose hold Louis in her arms as their friends looked on. Adrien's lovesick look that never faded since they were teenagers.

"It doesn't seem real..."

-------------------------------------

"Madame Mayor, what's your response to the people that say Chat Noir shouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry it wasn't me," Mylène interrupted, turning to the next reporter. "Yes?"

"Madame Mayor, the people of Paris want to know if the extradition of Felix Graham de Vanily, also known as Argos, is still a priority?"

"Yes! I've spoken with the President and he assures me that we will continue pressuring the UK government to honor our treaties."

"What about accusations of leniency to one Adrien Agreste?" Asked a reporter from one of those papers that might as well have been a tabloid.

Mylène's eye twitched. "Dupain-Cheng," she corrected.

"Isn't M. Agreste the leading contributor to your campaign?" he continued. "Some people have suggested-"

"If these 'people' have any evidence that Adrien Dupain-Cheng collaborated with Monarch I encourage them to come forward. Otherwise I suggest you refrain from spreading rumors and slander. Thank you, that'll be all."

Mylène was followed by a chorus of "Madame Mayor! Madame Mayor!" as she stepped away from the podium.

Once out of sight she collapsed into a chair. Humming Smelly Wolf to herself to settle the hammering in her chest.

"Water?"

She looked up from the offered water bottle to see her longtime boyfriend smiling gently at her. "Yes, please." Mylène returned the smile as Ivan picked her up before setting her back down in his lap.

One of the few advantages to being a short adult.

"I'm glad you took the time to come," Mylène said as she leaned her head onto his chest.

Ivan shrugged. "Kitty Section is taking a break after the last tour and I know how much you hate these things."

Smiling against his shirt Mylène traced his band's logo. "Have I said I love you today?"

"Love you too," Ivan beamed.

"Ahem."

Reluctantly Mylène turned to her aide. Ignoring the slight reproach in his expression at the Mayor of Paris sitting on her boyfriend's lap. At least it was an improvement from him blushing and avoiding eye contact... She thinks. "Yes, what is it?"

"We might have to go with a different dress for the fundraiser. Depending on how... volatile the situation is with M. Adrien."

Mylène blinked. The dress Marinette donated so she wouldn't stand out among Adrien's snobby rich acquaintances? "Huh?"

Her aide handed her his tablet and Mylène read the headline. "Well... shit."

-------------------------------------

"Max! Oh, Max! Wherefore art thou Max?"

"Ha, ha, Kim. Very funny."

"He lives!" Kim raised his arms as Max came back into view of his webcam.

Alix snorting and Ondine shaking her head fondly in their respective tabs onscreen.

"We were just ironing out the kinks to the new software!" Markov explained as he floated next to Max.

"Hey, Markov."

"Hi, Markov!"

"S'up!"

"Hello, Alix, Kim and Ondine." Markov smiled with his eyes. "It's nice to see you again. Congratulations on your new job Kim!"

"I still say leaving him in charge of kids is a bad idea," Alix piped up.

"Uh-huh. Remind me who out of the both of us has gotten arrested the most?" Kim smirked.

"ACAB!" Alix snapped. Blushing from the fact that she'd been caught more often than Kim rather than anything else.

"ACAB," they chorused. Alix had taken to tagging protest art in very public places after joining Mylène and Ivan's activism. Well, on a more permanent basis than the rest of them.

"Besides," Ondine chimed in, "Kim cares about the sport. He's not gonna let them do anything reckless." She narrowed her eyes. "Right?"

Kim put on his most innocent expression, which wasn't very innocent at all. "Me? Encourage recklessness? I would never!"

Alix snorted.

"Statistically speaking there's an eighty percent chance of Kim encouraging reckless behavior in those he interacts with," Max said.

"Ha!" Alix smirked.

"But, of course, the data is skewed on account of Alix being the main data point."

Kim guffawed while Ondine covered her mouth in a vain attempt to stifle her laughter.

"You're all terrible," Alix announced.

Whatever comeback Kim was going to retort with was interrupted by his phone chiming. "Oh shit."

"What?"

"What is it?"

"Adrien and Marinette are getting divorced."

Alix blinked as her own phone chimed. Sure enough Kim was right.

"Max, you look a little off," Ondine stated.

"Yeah, dude. Aren't you the one always saying that marriage has a fifty percent divorce rate?"

"Certainly reminded me when I got married," Ondine nodded.

"Twice!" Kim elaborated.

"Yes, thank you Kim."

"Well... Yes." Max admitted. "But I always thought those two would beat the odds."

"We all did," Alix nodded. "But life throws you curve balls. Believe me, I didn't expect to spend my last year of collège time traveling."

"Lucky!"

"Kim, she had to repeat a grade."

"Oh yeah."

As his friends went back to bantering amongst themselves Markov started running calculations in his head...

-------------------------------------

"You hear the news?" Marc asked.

"Yeah." Nathaniel continued sketching the next page of their comic. "Hand me that would you?"

Marc gave a chuckle as they handed Nath the ruler. "Chloe's ranting about how she 'always knew this would happen' on Twitter."

"You should really block her," Nathaniel pointed out, still not looking up.

"True," Marc admitted without giving any indication that they would. "So... You don't have anything to say?"

Nathaniel sighed as he straightened up. "I mean, shit, Marc. We don't know anything about what happened. We haven't talked to either of them in over a year. I just... Don't give me that look."

"What look?" Marc asked innocently while giving Nath the Look™.

Nathaniel grumbled as he pulled out his phone.

Marc beaming at him.

-------------------------------------

"One ticket for Paris, please."

"Sure thing! Is that one way?"

"Yes, please."

"... Y'know. You look an awful lot like one of Kitty Section's guitarists."

Luka smiled. "I get that a lot."

-------------------------------------

Kagami downed her glass of Romanee-Conti wine like a shot and then poured herself another.

The news playing in 4K on her Samsung QLED flat screen.

Turning on one of the stools of her personal bar to look at the TV. A picture of Adrien's smiling face staring back at her.

She raised her glass. "To proving me wrong."

-------------------------------------

Nino stared at his phone for a moment before sighing and rising to his feet. "So it's over."

Alya narrowed her eyes as she quickly left money on the table for their coffees. "That broke way too fast. Someone blabbed."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later, dude."

"Preferably later."

Nino nodded. "Yeah. You know where she'll be?"

"The studio, drowning herself in work like always. You?"

"Home," Nino stated simply as their paths split. "He always goes home..."

[milesobrein]

A Love Story (Trump Brackets Part 2)

So I was watching Trump Brackets! They are absolutely great by the way, if you guys haven’t heard about them. Basically all the people watching young Turks vote weekly on the worst things Trump has said, and they get discussed in a short YouTube video. One of the winners of Week 2 was Trump declaring his love for the communist dictator Kim Jong Un, and I felt the had to do a comic about it. If you guys watch these videos, they give a lot more insight about why Trump can’t be president and after watching it, I’m like wow, how is this guy allowed to run?? He’s a rapist, he’s been impeached twice, has bragged about raping people, put his dead wife’s grave in one of his golf courses for a TAX BENEFIT, says he’ll go against the entire constitution, is willing to have people who speak out against him/ his political opponents be locked up, wanted to have the police shoot protestors coming before his speech, only to use tear gas because they told him he couldn’t do that. He of course wants to greatly diminish the rights of Queer Trans people, further stop people from getting abortions, oh yeah, and he’s locking people up in cages at the border, who are coming to the us from war torn countries, conflicts that the US more often than not *caused*. And Trump has been speaking of having police forces be constant presence, who will come and lock people up I belive who have legally immigrated as well as far as I understand. The man is just disgusting. I cannot belive he’s not being locked in a prison cell *right* now. The man who told everyone to drink bleach in the Covid pandemic and brags about sexual assault. I highly recommend checking out Trump Brackets (also known as What’s the Worst Thing Donald Trump has Done?) and spreading the word anyway you can, wether that’s voting, reblogging this post, or telling your friends and neighbors just a handful of these reasons. Again, it’s not too late, and watching this show will give you instant, easy to digest insights on why this man cannot be our president. If anyone still wants, for every person who posts in the comments they will vote for Kamala, or says they donated to her campaign, I will do an art commission. In solidarity, we can be the rebel alliance we see on TV too! 🔥

here’s a link to Part 2 of What’s the Worst Thing Donald Trump has Done, and if you watch all the episodes, you all can see where I got my facts from, and just how terrible this man is! Spread the word if u can!! I would want this Tumblr to just be about fandoms if I could, but I’m so scared for my our future, that I feel like a bad person if I don’t say/ do something. Thank yall again for your support. And we *do* have power. 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🖖🌟🔥

If you would like another video rec I felt really helped me, here’s a link to a previous post that really helped me understand the situation better. (https://www.tumblr.com/milesobrein/765435705855033344/hey-guys-pls-watch-this?source=share)

🔥

[redraven393]

catching up with Philza QSMP Vod. where:

the federation had ruined an old man's front lawn

Rycharlison is adrugdealer

forever took an opportunity and "marries" Philza

immediately met with his wife

the federation send an anarchist an invitation to become a president

Tallulah will rather eat a lime than an avocado or potato

Philza guess Ramon's password

Tallulah's father may or may not be real

Hide and seek in an awesome map Holly shit

the 4th wall has been broken so many times in Philza's Minecraft stream that the admins just let it be broken.

both dad and son thought that the other hid in the same place

the Brazilian are here! :D

there are so many screaming

Tallulah finds him yayyyy

hello Rycharlison

aww there gonna play music

PIG STEPPPP

HESNAMEISPHILZAMINECRAFTANDHEISQUITE OLD-

"my son is DEAD" omg Max

PHILZA OMG u didn't need to describe it

PAYthe SERVER Quackity

Pac and Mike are so cool

BIG LOVE TO MIKE AND PAC

omg Philza is spreading the 4th wall break

the file is so big omg, paper ASMR

"Are you gonna be a president" Sir he is an Anarchist

Max the sound system-the microphone

awww Supportive Philza, opp

Bye MAX

aww the Kids are playing the Guitar

it's nice when the cc are doing lore the admins are still acting like kids

AWWW TALLULAH TEACHING RICHA A SONG THAT WILL TEACH HER

Tallulah BIRTHDAY OMG

yey go stuff that girl with candy

Chayanne is really making plenty of use of his interest in cooking

THE BEES

CATERING LETS GOOO

omg Richa thinks that Will is like Hatsune Miku

Bye guys

is sweet to know that Philza is telling about Will to everyone

OMG Philza the Brazillian magnet

the eggs hear Will's songs too

oh? what do you have Richa

is that a llama

ohhh

omg

Forever is so obsessed with this friend of his omg

HYDRATE BEFORE DIEDRATE

wait the Brazilians are all gone

oh shit

oh no this is like that time with the trio

PARANOIA

Trauma Phil

a Square??

GATINHO and GUAPITO is here

the old man witnesses a shameless PDA

Tallulah is dancing in the background

opp Tallulah not here

the fish is drowning

hey Cellbit

Yay invitations for everyone!!!!

omg

no one believes Wilbur exists

Cellbit nooo

OMG

Chayanne is cooking for the WEDDING

LETS GOOOOO

LET HIM COOK

Cellbit nooo

Cellbit supports Creative Freedom

omg Phil's right Quackity will pull that type of stunt

Cellbit nooo

Richa has never taken a bath wtf???

oh shit he running

yeah show him your dad's picture

omg photoshopped

Forever and Roier is here!!!

omg Forever is gaslighting Holly shit

A Mouth!?

Chayanne is busy planning the catering

Professional Cheft Chayanne LETS GOOOOO

past life Philza omg

Philza is not having it

yeah Richa hit him in the head

your PLAN?????

oh well fair enough

Gaslight vs Guilt trip

omg that is a whole ass restaurant menu

BAGHEERA

yey french

tour pog???

oh shit a BAND??

the band is playing at the WEDDING???

they are so cuteeeeeee

nice home, it sweet that everyone try to make space for the kids in their home

why Cellbit is keeps killing other player

omg Baghera sound so scared that Phill would steal from her the poor lady

nice Megalovania mix it takes me back to 2018

the girls are so talented on music omg

hehe secret

holly shit a bucket full of honey

scary noises

THANKYOU BAHERAA

ohh candy apple

Chayanne professional chef bag

Tallulah is the best

Bagheraa nooo

oh thank god she believe Will is real

Will would have to socialize so much after he came back.

WhOOO THE KIDS FIRST PERFORMANCE

ROCK EGGS

Tallulah is following her old man foot step

bye Bagheraa

oh no the flowers

the Federation building is heighten Phil's property value

ohhh the kids are visiting the build

don't stand on the grass kids

walk on grass anyway

wtf????

what is that???

it is a pretty building

what is going on with the train station??? it was fixed

so they can leave now??

it looks brand new?

fancy train, but bumbpy ride

wat?

AWWW the RACON

aw god no VENUSSS

another venus gone

its okay Tallulah

that is so fuk

oh dragon magic

lol the flies is sitting the trains

lol Chayanne try to catch the bees but got stung

aww Tallulah babby dont be sad

eyy the bois are here

glad they could make Tallulah cheer up

looks like the happy couple happy with the menu

bye boisss

Max is going to get food lmao

it's nice to live near everything but it could also could be dangerous

Tallulah's and will's house really feels like a nice little fantasy corner

yay the kids are now able to get out

sleepy timesss

ohh an album

EGGJOY or RADIO EGG

lol the Wedding photo

Great Album Tallulah

Dragon Story POG

is it Mumza????

you guys will absolutely outlive me

CRY

oh is the Admins asking advice for the Dragon designs???/

if the kids get their wings i hope they also give the bird designed CC wings too

Tallulah pls he's an old man you can't make him run so much

Whooo birthdayyyy

AWWW thank you Tallulah

why is Foolish drowning?

oh god

lol Foolish

omg they were trying to give richa a bath

77777

yeah secur the party old man

kinda sadge

BYE PHIILLL

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (39)

Vipsania: I’m bored.

Urban: Me too.

Livia: I told you losers that we should go shoe shopping instead.

Felix: For the last time, Cardew, we can’t go out and do fun stuff while in detention.

Livia: Detention?! I’m in detention?! Since when-

Coryo: Since yesterday, dummy.

Festus: Liv, you do remember that we almost destroyed the school kitchen yesterday, right?

Livia: Nope. Never. I don’t know anything about that incident-

Coryo: You were literally the one who left the stove on fire while the rest of us were trying to stop Palmyra from cooking.

Livia: Oh, shut up, orphan! I wasn’t even talking to you.

Coryo: Well, whatever, banker. Your scary mama can’t save your sorry ass this time.

Livia: Ha! At least I have a mom to spoil me rotten, Snow.

Coryo: You think you’re better than me because of your stupid money?!

Livia: Of course I’m better-

Coryo: Your mom can’t even defeat my super gorgeous dad in a stupid pageant beauty contest back in their University days!

Lysistrata: Yeah! Crassus Snow even won it seven times in a row!

Livia: How did you even know that?!

Coryo: ‘Cuz I still have my dad’s pageant crowns and sashes!

Felix: And I have the pictures to prove them!

Lysistrata: My mom was a runner up.

Coryo: Oh, and my dad even won the women’s category-

Livia: Ugh! Fine! Your drop dead gorgeous father may have been the most beautiful creature in Panem-

Coryo: Of course he is!

Livia: But he still dated Drunk Dean Casca Highbottom and that scheming Strabo Plinth from District 2!

Sejanus: The ever gorgeous Crassus Xanthos Snow once dated my evil old man?!

Livia: Yup! My mama even told me that Crassus almost married into the Plinth family for money-

Coryo: Shut up, Cardew!

Livia: You started it!

Florus: *raises hand* Why don’t we just play a game instead!

Androcles: A game?

Palmyra: Sure! I wanna play a game.

Apollo: Me too!

Diana: Can we play battleships?

Everyone: No!

Diana: Why?🥺

Apollo: Sis, do you even remember that other infamous flooding incident that occurred last semester?

Diana: Is it that time where we had to call the ambulance because Gaius and Florus broke both of their legs from jumping ship?

Florus: Actual ships.

Gaius: With actual missiles.

Apollo: Yes, that.

Diana: Nope. I don’t remember.

Iphigenia: Can’t we just play the “Would You Rather” game?

Lysistrata: Ok. Yo, Coryo, would you rather marry Casca Highbottom for fame or marry Strabo Plinth for money?

Coryo: Easy. Strabo Plinth. No questions asked-

Sejanus: What about me, my love?!

Coryo: Sej, Babe, you were not even an option.

Sejanus: But you’re still going to marry me, right?🥺

Coryo: For the last time, Sejanus Plinth, you’re the only rich idiot that I’m willing to marry and have children with.

Sejanus: Oh, thank Panem! That’s good to hear, my love! So would you rather kiss me now or later?😘

Coryo: That’s not how you play this game, Babe!

Sejanus: But I want a kiss-

Coryo: Felix, I give the stage to you.

Felix: Ok. Dennis, would you rather date one of my wealthy but shady cousins or marry someone from the outer Districts?

Dennis: Which District?

Felix: 10?

Dennis: A strong wife from District 10 it is.

Juno: My turn! Hilarius, would you rather disown your creepy father and become homeless or give him Coryo and Felix in order to inherit the rest of the Heavensbee wealth?

Hilarius: What the heck, Juno! What kind of cruel options are those?!

Juno: Just answer my freaking question, Hilari!

Hilarius: Fine! The second one!

Coryo: What the heck, you traitor!

Felix: Seriously, Hilari?! You’re willing to sacrifice me and Coryo for money?!

Hilarius: Never! I would never ever do that to you, Class Pres!

Livia: Well, good luck being poor and homeless, Hilari.

Arachne: May the odds be forever in your favor, Heavensbee.

Domitia: My turn! Arachne, would you rather burn all of your inheritance for the “Sandwich Queen” title or watch Festus Creed become the official “Sandwich Queen of Panem” for the presidency?

Arachne: Well, if I do become the President of Panem, then I would have the power to get rid of Festus-

Festus: Hey!😠

Arachne: But burning my inheritance for the title is also doable.

Domitia: How?

Arachne: ‘Cuz I’ll just steal my older brother’s money.

Festus: Oh, this heartless witch-

Clemensia: My turn! Persephone, would you rather eat Palmyra’s infamous deadly apple pies for eternal fame or volunteer as a Tribute for the Hunger Games?

Persephone: The second option.

Clemensia: Really? You would rather become a Tribute just to avoid eating one deadly pie?

Persephone: Yeah, sure. Why not. I literally have better odds of winning and surviving the Hunger Games than eating one of Monty’s rebel-killer sweets.

Everyone: True.😞

Io: My turn! Urban, would you rather fail our calculus class in order to gain political power and influence or replace Dr. Gaul as the Head Game Maker for political power and influence?

Urban: Those options are actually difficult to answer, Jasper.

Io: Just take your pick!

Urban: Fine! I do love calculus more than anything in this world. So-

Io: Head Gamemaker Urban Canville it is?

Urban: Yeah.

Apollo: My turn! Andie, would you rather steal Dr. Gaul’s monster bunny for illegal money or marry into the very corrupt and chaotic Ravinstill family?

Androcles: Both.

Everyone: Really?!

Androcles: Yeah. Im willing to steal Dr. Gaul’s evil bunny and marry Ravinstill at the same time.

Felix: Which Ravinstill are we talking about?

Androcles: Oh, you tell me, Class Pres.😏

Diana: My turn! Sejanus, would you rather challenge Coryo’s evil grandmother to an epic drinking contest just to win Coryo’s hand in marriage or push Highbottom-

Sejanus: Push Highbottom!

Diana: I’m not even done yet!

Sejanus: No need to worry, Ring. I’m willing to push Highbottom for Coryo.😀

Diana: Let me finish-

Sejanus: No! Pushing Highbottom is the only right answer!

Casca: *walks in* Pushing who?

Coryo: No one, Sir. Sejanus is just shouting at the sky again.

Casca: Oh, ok.

Diana: Well, bye-

Casca: By the way, who told you to play the “Would You Rather” game without my consent, Crassus Snow?

Coryo: It’s Coriolan-

Casca: Crassus Xanthos Snow! My love, how dare you play these silly games without me?!😭🔪

Felix: *sighs* Dean Highbottom’s drunk again.

Sejanus: So can I push him now?😀

Coryo: Sure. Go ahead. I might even kiss you.

Sejanus: Can you kiss me now?

Coryo: No.

[aeoki]

Seven Bridges - Love and Peace?: Chapter 1

Location: Yumenosaki Student Council Room Characters: Ritsu, Mao & Hitsugi

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< At that time. Yumenosaki Academy, Student Council Room. >

Ritsu: An idol training school of long-standing tradition and achievements to its name: Yumenosaki Academy…

I am the one with the most authority here – the student council president, Ritsu Sakuma.

Today, I have extremely unfortunate news for you all.

Mao: Hey, what’re you doing, Ritsu? Where did you come from? Don’t just sit in the student council president's chair just because you want to.

Ritsu: What’s Maa-kun’s is mine and what’s mine is Maa-kun’s. We’re a couple who shares things between us and love one another.

Mao: I don’t understand. Anyway, if a new student walks in, they’re going to get the wrong idea, so can you not?

Ritsu: It’s not the wrong idea! We’re in love with each other…!

Mao: That’s not what I’m talking about. Don’t call yourself the student council president – they’ll think they hopped into the wrong timeline or something.

Ritsu: What’s a timeline? Can you not use those nerdy manga words?

Mao: I’m not a manga nerd! I just like manga as much as everyone else!

Ritsu: That’s what they all say.

Hitsugi: Hello~? Hello, hello~? Excuse me for interrupting!

Mao: Oh? I see you’re here, Anzu – Sorry for asking you to come all the way here.

Ritsu: Anzu…? It’s been a while since I last saw you but it feels like you’ve changed?

Hitsugi: ……? ……?

Really? I can’t tell!

Ritsu: No, I’m not talking about you.

Mao: Yeah. He’s not Anzu, but uhh, he’s someone from the “producer course” that’s been with Anzu a lot recently. I dunno the details though.

Err, you’re Kurone, right?

Hitsugi: Yes! I’m Hitsugi Kurone, a second-year student in the “producer course”!

I wanted to fulfil my heart’s desire and get Anzu-senpai to pay attention to me and she told me, “You can come if you’d like” so…

I followed with my heart racing! I’m so happy!

Ritsu: …………

Mao: Hm? What’re you doing, Ritsu? Why’re you crawling under the desk…?

Ritsu: I don’t know who this kid is, but I don’t want to get involved with someone other than Anzu from the “producer course”.

Mao: ……?

Hitsugi: Woah! That’s useful knowledge! It’s proper manners to talk under the desk in the student council room, huh! Like this? Is this what I should do?

Ritsu: Can you stay away from me?

Look, Maa-kun gets jealous whenever he sees me chatting with someone else, you know…? ♪

Hitsugi: Whaa~! That’s so passionate! Looks like those rumours were true!

Ritsu: What rumours? Is someone gossiping about our relationship? Tell me the details.

Hitsugi: You told me to stay away so it’ll be hard to have a conversation!

Ritsu: I didn’t tell you not to talk to me.

Mao: ……? I don’t really get it, but oh well. The sun will set if I keep complaining about how strange they’re acting. That’s the first lesson I’ve learnt after becoming the new student council president of Yumenosaki.

Anyway, don’t be shy and come in, Anzu.

I’ll say this over and over again, but I’m really sorry – I called you over despite knowing you were busy.

It’s also pretty complicated to talk about it on “Hallhands”. I prefer talking in person when it comes to things like this.

…Up until last year, if I had something I needed to talk to you about, I could’ve just gone over to the classroom next door.

But it’s a new year and our positions have changed too – It feels like there’s a weird bit of space between us.

“Sorry”, you say? No, there’s no need for you to apologise at all~

Haha. Looks like that part of you hasn’t changed. I’m kinda relieved…♪

Hitsugi: Affair! It’s an affair, Ricchan-san! Your wife is batting his eyelashes at another woman!

Ritsu: What’re you doing? You’re my wife! Don’t you have any sense of ethics!?

Mao: The onlookers sure are noisy… Sorry, things are kinda uneasy, Anzu.

Sit over there. I’ve got something important I need to tell you.

Hitsugi: Is he gonna propose? Is he gonna propose?

Ritsu: Guh, and to think Anzu would beat me to the punch… I was careless because I was satisfied with what I had – Ricchan will reflect on this.

Hitsugi: You haven’t lost yet! You can totally make a comeback! Don’t give up, Ricchan-san!

Ritsu: You’re right! I won’t give up – I’ll muster the courage to confess…!

Mao: Guys, if you really don’t have anything better to do, could you guys just go home…?

Well, I guess I don’t mind. Being surrounded by chaos and noise is what Yumenosaki is all about.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[rodanhoax]

Scarlet: I got a latte order for Jaune?

Jaune: That's me. Thank you.

Scarlet: Wait... Jaune, is that you?!

Jaune: Excuse me?

Scarlet: Remember me?

Scarlet: Spanish class?

Jaune: I-I'm sorry...

Scarlet: C'mon. Shade Academy, we sat right next to each other.

Jaune: I'm still drawing a blank here.

Scarlet: We even played Lacrosse together.

Jaune: I know nothing about Lacrosse.

Scarlet: We were great buddies!

Jaune: Look, I'm sorry. I'm running kinda late here.

Scarlet: You were like the most popular kid in school.

Jaune: I... I was?

Scarlet: Yeah, you were class president! Everyone loved you. All the girls had a secret crush on you.

Jaune: T-they did?

Scarlet: Yeah, so did I.

Jaune: ... What?

Scarlet: When I finally came out to everyone, you were the only one that supported me. You gave me the courage to finally open up to my parents and allow them to love me for who I really am.

Scarlet: And you didn't just help me, you've done great things for all of Vacuo. You redirected the lives of troubled kids by showing them that gang violence isn't the way.

Jaune: I... I did?

Scarlet: You were an inspiration to us all.

Jaune: *Scratches head in disbelief*

Scarlet: It's probably hard for you to remember. Doctors weren't sure if you'd ever get your memory back from that incident.

Jaune: Wait... What incident?

Scarlet: When you saved those orphans from a burning church, a chunk of debris fell on your head. You were in a coma for 9 months.

Jaune: I-I was?

Scarlet: It was the bravest thing I ever saw.

Jaune: O-oh, well... Thank you.

Scarlet: *Places hand upon Jaune cheek* I understand you can't remember right now... But I'll never forget the last words you said to me before you ran into that building.

Jaune: What did I say?

Scarlet: You said "Puedo perder mi vida, pero la esperanza…"

(Translation: I may lose my life, but hope...)

Scarlet + Jaune: "La esperanza es lo último que perderé."

(Translation: Hope is the last thing I'll lose)

Jaune: Y'know... I-I think I'm starting to remember now!

Scarlet: Well, it's good to have you back, Jaune.

Jaune: Well, it's good to be back.

Scarlet: *Hands him his latte, but stops as he see's the name written on it* Wait... It's Jaune with an AU?

Jaune: Yeah?

Scarlet: Oh, I think I mistaken you for someone else. My bad. Here's your latte, have a nice day. *Gives him his drink before immediately going back to work*

Jaune: B-but wait-

Scarlet: I got an order for Flynt?

Scarlet: Flynt? I-Is that you?!

Flynt: Do I know you?

Scarlet: You saved my wife from a grizzly bear attack!

[sinclxirx]

New Opportunities

Characters: Sonya Ryan, John Clark, Domingo Chavez, Gerry Hendley, Aurelia Arnot, Dr. Harishva „Harry“ Pandey, Eliza "Ash" Cohen, Jordan Trace, mention of Jack Ryan Sr., Jack Ryan Jr., Dominic Caruso and Bartosz "Barry" Jankowski aka Midas

Warnings: mention of death by fire, anxiety, mention of torture, scars

AN: biggest thank you to @scentedcandleibex 💜 I couldn't have done it without you

picture credit to the rightful owners

Sonya wasn‘t expecting much this Sunday morning as she walked through the empty corridors of her workplace. The Campus, was an “off the books” intelligence organization and private military company that was established by her father, Jack Ryan Sr., back in 2001 when he was the president of The United States.

As Sonya walked into the office, she realized that this Sunday morning, the office was pretty full, as everyone had the weekend off, due to their last mission in South Korea. Sonya and her twin brother, Jack Ryan, decided to stay up that night and work on some stuff that had been overdue. That morning, they both realized they needed some papers that were in the office. Sonya decides that she will be the one to get the papers, and get some breakfast for her and her brother, Jack, while she is out. Sonya was more than happy to get some fresh waffles from one of her favorite bakeries, along with getting some good tea.

Sonya now sees a random man and woman standing and hanging out in front of her boss’ office. The woman looked to be in her early thirties and had long red hair and sunglasses. The man had short hair and glasses that looked to be out of some sort of Steampunk book or movie. And he was HOT. Sonya could feel herself growing uncomfortable at these thoughts. It was at this moment that Sonya realized that she never put any make-up on today, the scars and runes on her face being more noticeable (though even with make-up, Sonya’s scars and rune would be noticeable given how deep they are), Sonya cursed to herself at her sudden realization. Sonya’s scars were daily reminders of how she was not able to save her late husband from his terrible and tragic fate. Sonya walks to her computer, nodding to the man and woman, greeting the two. The man and woman looked unfazed at Sonya’s appearance, the two nodding back.

While looking for the documents that Sonya and her brother needed, she could sense the red haired woman studying her. Despite the red-haired woman’s shades, her gaze was intense. “Can I help you with something, ma’am?” Sonya questions. The shaded red-haired woman tilts her head to the side. “Yeah… sure.” The woman then takes a short breath. “You’re Sonya Ryan, right?” The man’s head turns towards the red-haired woman, a mix of shock and confusion written on his face. “Oh no…” Sonya mumbles to herself, surprised that anyone in the office this Sunday morning actually knew her name. The red-haired woman nodded to the man that was standing beside her, and knocked on the door that they were standing in front of, opening it. Sonya could hear their voices fading as the man and woman entered the room. After a few moments, Sonya leaves the room.

As Sonya continued to look for the files that her and her twin needed, Jon Clark stepped into the room. The female Ryan twin looking at him confused. John Clark had told her that he was going to take the weekend off and do something with his wife since he doesn’t get to spend too much time with her anymore. He was so serious about spending time with his wife, but yet he was there at the office.

“Hey, John, is everything alright? Why are you here?” Sonya’s voice was full of concern as the questions left her lips. “I could ask you the same question! It’s a Sunday, but yet you’re here at the office.” John questions back towards Sonya. Sonya scratches her head. “Umm… yeah… so…” Sonya stammers. “Me and Jack are trying to fish up some things…” This causes Clark to sigh loudly and shake his head. “Sonya, please, it’s Sunday, I told you and your brother to take a break.” The older man speaks as he walks towards her. “And now here you are, at your desk, searching for some folders.” Clark’s words cause Sonya to think for a moment. Maybe she did need a break. Especially after all of the long missions that she’s been on over a short period of time. The first mission was in China, the next mission was in South America, the last one being in Serbia. This life wasn’t easy and was far from being safe. One of her teammates had gotten shot during the mission in South America and almost died in the middle of the jungle. Sonya thought about everything for a moment, when she remembered about the two strangers whom she had seen in front of her boss’ office. “Those people over there, who are they?” Sonya asks cautiously. “They’re with Rainbow.” Clark answers. “With Rainbow? But, I thought…” Before Sonya can finish her sentence, John Clark stops her. “Yeah, Rainbow is back.” Sonya sensed that John had wanted to tell her more, but something stopped him from doing so. Something was definitely going on, and Sonya didn’t know if it was a good or bad sign. Two operators being here at the office, that was something big. John Clark was the leader and founder of Rainbow for years, maybe they wanted him back?

Fuck!

“You are not leaving us!” Clark looked at her, stunned. Before John could find the right words to finish his sentence, another surprise came out of the room. Domingo Chavez, John Clark’s son-in-law and another former member of Rainbow. He was one of the leaders of the two teams that Rainbow had at the time. “Come on Sonya, we need to talk.” Clark says, a trace of uncertainty in his voice. This was odd for Clark as he usually hid his feelings pretty well adapting into a situation. “About what?” “Just come into the office.”

In her boss’ office were three people with two empty chairs beside them, most likely for Clark and Chavez. Her boss, Gerry Hendley, sat behind his desk, Aurelia Arnot sitting in front of him. The Ryan twin knew the older woman because of her father. When Sonya’s father was still president, she had met several hundreds of politicians, among them being Aurelia Arnot. Behind Arnot was a man, a man that was younger than her. In the man’s lap was a notepad, where Sonya could see that he had already taken some notes on it. Clark then brought in a chair for Sonya into the room, the young woman sat down and thanked Clark.

“Hello, Miss Ryan. Long time no see.” Arnot greeted as Sonya sat next to her.

Sonya sat in the chair beside Arnot, Clark and Chavez sitting behind the two women. Arnot took the lead and spoke again. “I heard about your husband, and I’m deeply sorry. I heard a lot of good things about him” Sonya took a deep breath at the woman’s words. She could feel Clark shift behind her.

“Thank you. He was a good man…” The widow murmured about her husband. Her husband’s death that fell in the hands of this cult, was the most traumatizing thing she had to endure. Sometimes Sonya could still hear his screams. Sometimes she could still smell the odor of his burning flesh. Sonya then noticed the unknown man in the room jotting something down on his notepad.

“Has Mr. Clark already told you about this?”

“That leads me to my question, what on Earth is going on here?”

“It’s about Rainbow.” Clark states.

“I don’t understand. Clark nor Chavez are leaving for Rainbow, so what is this meeting about?”

“I’ll make my explanation of this situation short. I am the current leader of Rainbow, Rainbow starting up again in 2015 after a few attacks around the globe. As of now, we have different teams in different countries. Countries like Germany, Russia, England, and America with the FBI.” After the older woman’s statement, the room became tense.

“And right now, I’m currently looking for more people with different abilities and gadgets to join our team, and Clark gave me a few candidates.” “So, this is about Midas?” A former member of Delta Force. He was the leader of his own team, but later retired and joined Campus. He is the living definition of badass but he didn’t have any gadgets. Sonya didn’t get an answer to her question, so she brought up more candidates.

“Caruso?” Her cousin. “Jack?” Sonya asked, but she still didn’t receive an answer. Midas was a perfect candidate for this role. Even Caruso was perfect, with him being an FBI agent with several years of experience. Jack was an analyst and an operating officer. He was trained by a former Rainbow operator several years back. He was also a big part of the Campus.

There was a pause in the room. The Ryan twin could feel the tension rising. She could feel that Clark and Chavez were growing uncomfortable behind her. That was when she realized it. The instinct she got from her time as an FBI agent kicked in. Sonya’s mood changed rapidly.

No… goddamn it Clark!

Sonya turns around in her chair, eyes filled with hate and anger. “Fuck you, Clark!” were the first words she spat out. Not Midas or even Clark would be joining Rainbow. She, Sonya Ryan, was on the list and was the one selected. She was so angry with him, even though he was her mentor and good friend, right now she just saw him as a huge idiot.

“No!” Sonya screamed, filling like he was screaming at the world. “I’m not going to join Rainbow.” Sonya states, turning around in her chair.

“Sonya, please-” Clark started, but Sonya was fast to shut him up.

Aurelia looked at her, her face showing no surprise. She expected this answer. “Sonya, please, I selected you because of your gadgets and abilities. You’re perfect for this position.”

“No, I’m not!” Sonya could see through her teary eyes, the man taking more notes on this notepad.

Her gadgets being perfect for Rainbow? Her abilities? Now that was the funniest thing that Sonya had ever heard. A gadget whose only purpose was to block an open door with electricity. Nothing too special really, especially nothing special for Rainbow. No purpose for this elite organization.

Sonya could feel panic rising in her chest. The same feeling she had when her and her late husband realized he was going to die. That he would die a painful death. That she could do nothing to save him. That she would see his flesh melting in front of her. Sonya could feel her ears starting to ring and a nauseous feeling in her stomach. To Sonya, this situation felt unfair. Midas, a former Delta Force, would be much better for this position. Hell, even her own twin brother would’ve been a much better choice than her.

“I’m sorry, Miss Arnot…” Sonya began with teary eyes. “I-I’m not perfect for this job. I’m still not mentally suitable for this sort of job. Thank you for the kind offer, but I have to decline.” Sonya then stood up, just wanting to run away from this situation. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to just go home, take a shower and sleep. “We can help you with anything you need. Teeth, scars, mental stability, we have trained professionals ready to help.” Miss Arnot then reaches into her pocket and pulls out a business card. “Feel free to call me anytime.”

The only thing Sonya could do was nod. Sonya took the card the Arnot gave to her, and said her goodbyes before leaving the room. The two Rainbow operators were still waiting in the same spot as before Sonya’s meeting. Without any hesitation, Sonya took all of her stuff from her office and left the building.

Tag list: @unpetitoiseau @poisonedtruth @infinitewhore @scentedcandleibex

[billmaher]

Republican Debates

I was taping Club Random last night when the debate was on, but I watched it later, and here are my running thoughts about the #GOPDebate: the striking writers should be worried about AI, because ChatGPT could write the SNL sketch version of this in 2 seconds… Who is that stiff on the end? And Asa Hutchinson?? Yes, that's what we want, the one old white guy in America that looks older than Biden… Vivek cannot stop smiling, and is it my TV, or are his teeth blindingly white?

[[MORE]]

Is that the way to let us know he's the young one?… I hadn't really seen DeSantis speak before, and wow, he is every bit as awful as everyone says - terrible voice, robotic and canned, creepy straight-ahead stare - yikes!…who in real life ever says "thank you for the question"?: 'I'm going out, can I grab anything for you?' 'Thank you for the question: a pack of Luckys'… I need blueblocker glasses for this guy's teeth…the way they all think anyone cares about their cherrypicked brags:

'I'm the only one who lowered taxes with a Democratic senate in a southeastern state' Shut the fuck up…who is this freak Doug Burgum?? He looks like a salesman at a high-end department store. I think he sold me a tuxedo at Neiman Marcus… Thank you, Karen; I'll be sure to tell the manager…Jesus, Pence's hair is whiter than Vivek's teeth!…climate change is a hoax?? Oh Vivek, we all wanna be president but come on man…" We have to tell India and China to stop polluting."

Yeah, nobody ever thought of that…'I had trouble having both my children' TMI!…oh yeah, I think we all know Penny - Around the World Penny, yup"…no, not the Constitution-in-your-pocket thing!…wouldn't it be great if President Burgum foiled an assassination attempt when the bullet hit his pocket Constitution?…THIRTY no-abortion bills you passed, how many ways are there to say 'don't kill it?'…' abortion on demand,' like there's a Drive-Thru out here in Cali: "You want fries with your abortion?…" We need a president from a new generation." - Yes, but who? Who do you have in mind? Are you thinking of anyone in particular? "When a farmer gets sick…" WHAT? What year is this debate taking place? Jesus, he can borrow my cow…Asa is talking about stopping Smash-and-Grabs in the inner city?? "As president I'll stop it!" How? You're gonna go undercover with Richard Greico?…

Christie is brave to call out Trump, but good luck prying this crowd away from him, he is Taylor Swift to these people…I swear they all could switch each other's canned lines and no one would notice…also I don't think anyone would notice or care if Brett Baeir and DeSantis switched bodies, they all look completely interchangeable…" We need someone who fought in the military." But who?? Who do you have in mind, anyone in particular??…

I was wrong, and President Burgum looks like an undertaker… Pence and Vivek are wearing the exact same tie…"I chose the constitution" BOO!!!, oh Republicans, you are scary…I stand by what I told Vivek on Club Random last week: "I find you both disarming and Alarming."…you gotta love how these snakes pretend they don't know how to pronounce Vivek's name. Just in case anyone forgot he's the, um, "foreign-sounding" one - Et Tu Nikki Haley?? Wow, really Nikki, YOU don't know either?…

Vivek wins the battle of 'I'll say the most red meat, fuck the future, get applause and clean up the repercussions later' tactic that works best at Republican debates… this Indian-American on Indian-American violence must end!… What does President Burgum's wife tell him after this is over: 'You won! It wasn't even close'… can we please vote this guy off the island? There is less dignity on this stage than with the most embarrassing first-rounder on American Idol, Sanjaya is Abe Lincoln… I like drugs, but OK, I guess that's a bad one…you guys can call Putin a thug and tell us how he rapes women all night, this is a Republican debate, know your audience: 'Ukraine is far away, we hate Mexicans!'…are we really that convinced that the strands of hair that Asa is pulling from one side of his head to the other side is covering the top?…"I alone got the funding for…" - You did? Awesome! Done! I was gonna vote for Richard Greico's kick-ass partner, but…

President Burgum, if we're just gonna cremate her, why do we need such an expensive coffin?… What is that, wool? It's August, but OK, I get it. They crank the AC in these places… "We don't need a president who's too old or who's too young." Who then?? Who could it be that you mean who's the right age?… "We led the nation in computer science education" - you did?! Well, why didn't you say so at the beginning before Asa joined 21 Jump Street? That's a great accomplishment, maybe President Burgum will make you Secretary of something… I love how in the closing statements, they ordered it from the least likely on up: President Burgum, you're the first, then let's hear from Asa, the other guy with a 0.0% chance… "We need a conservative who has shown he can win in a blue state" - But who? Who do we have like that here today??… "God said to America, I'm not done with you" - really, God says that to people: "I'm done with you? What a little bitch… "I was born in 1985", old WhiteHead next to me has ties older than that, and blah blah 1776, which I think is the year the dude on the end was born… we're so fucked, and Trump wasn't even there.

[10moonymhrivertam]

“The most dangerous prime minister in history,” the Doctor declared. Now, Jack thought he’d had some decent self-control, not making some quip about how they hadn’t landed on top of the Rift, but that pulled a noise out of him he couldn’t help - a disbelieving snort.

“Don’t start,” the Doctor said, not even looking at him.

“Oh, just because you have a bias, he doesn’t count?”

“That never happened.”

“Yeah, for Ruby.”

“What never happened but apparently only for me?” Ruby stilled, crossing her arms. The Doctor sighed. Jack hopped in.

“Do you remember —” he stopped. He’d largely missed knee-jerk ‘oh my god, you’re a baby’ reactions, given his early start at the Time Agency and then his hopping around out of order with the Doctor, but now he’d experienced parts of the ‘00s twice, mostly in order, surrounded by adults. Even with everyone else being so much younger than him, he didn’t often expect them to have experienced something he had. But here he was, in the age of smartphones, doing math and coming up with four. “Did your Mom or your school ever talk about that time the President and the Prime Minister got assassinated?”

“You mean the Prime Minister that killed the President? And then his wife killed him?”

“Yeah. For the folks on the Valiant, those things didn’t exactly happen in immediate succession.”

“Technically —”

“Yeah, technically, they happened super close to each other after the rewind. But actually there was a year between those things, and in that year, Harold Saxon did things a lot worse than just an incredibly near miss with nuclear warfare.” He threw some air quotes around the name for good measure. “What the hell happened there, by the way?”

“No clue.” The Doctor beamed.

“ap gwilliam was the worst prime minister” doctor. babe. i know why you don’t tell your companions everything at once, but you’re really gonna tell them a bald-faced lie like that. your ex murdered a tenth of earth’s population and immediately turned the entire planet into a hellscape, there is some steep competition here

[bllsbailey]

Kamala Harris Gave Her Big Comeback Speech, and Holy Cow

As RedState reported, the Kamala Harris comeback tour is on. The twice-failed presidential candidate and former vice president spoke at the "Emerge Gala" on Wednesday night, an organization that promotes Democrat women in politics, and it was something else. 

Before we get to the clips, use this recent quote from a former Harris top advisor, which claims people are "clamoring for her voice right now," as a primer. 

With that setup, I want you to tell me if anyone is clamoring for this, and as always with Harris, you need to watch the clips to see how bad it is.

HARRIS: Hey everyone! Hi! Hi everyone! Oh, it's good to be home!  (Awkward, hysterical laughter throughout) Thank you. Hi everyone. Thank you all, thank you, thank you. And Dougey's here too! Oh, please have a seat. Please have a seat.

I'm not trying to be dramatic, but my word. It's as if she took all of the worst traits of her public persona and dialed them up several notches. You'd think, given she's clearly working toward a political comeback, that she might tone it down, but nope. She's even plugging "Dougey" again despite the myriad of scandals he provided that helped take down her campaign, including allegedly hitting an ex-girlfriend. It was also confirmed that he cheated and got his nanny pregnant, but who's keeping track?

Did I mention the laughter? That awful, awkward cackling laughter. Keep in mind that there was a period after she received the 2024 Democratic Party presidential nomination (without winning a single delegate) where she made an effort to pace herself. I guess that's completely out the window, and it just kept getting more weird as she got into the speech. 

HARRIS: In fact, please allow me, friends, to digress for a moment. Okay. It's kind of dark in here, but I'm going to ask for a show of hands. Who saw that video from a couple of weeks ago, the one of the elephants at the San Diego Zoo during the earthquake? Google it if you haven't seen it. So that scene has been on my mind. Everyone asks me what you've been thinking about these days. Well...(Awkward laughter).

Let's put aside the cringe for a moment, though. Have Harris' political instincts improved? Here's your answer.

HARRIS: Including congressional leaders like Cory Booker, Chris Van Hollen, Chris Murphy, Jasmine Crockett, Maxwell Frost, AOC, and Bernie Sanders!

That is a murderer's row of the most awful people in the Democratic Party. Maxwell Frost is a lunatic, and if you aren't convinced of that, just look up his social media timeline. I don't think I need to explain how bad Jasmine Crocket, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Bernie Sanders are, either. Chris Van Hollen is the guy who flew down to El Salvador to hold hands with a deported illegal alien who allegedly beat his wife (according to multiple restraining orders). Then there's Cory Booker, fresh off his 24-hour filibuster of nothing that everyone forgot about within five minutes. 

So yeah, Harris is not only the same person she's always been, but she's managed to get worse. Good luck with that in 2028.