#everyone knows that but I enjoy the buildup of them being something more

[stackofstories]

hmm this episode felt lackluster

[lilacliquors]

kinktober day twelve: facesitting

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 697

notes: happy day twelve! today was another dealer's choice, and since everyone loved the first bucky barnes one, i figured i'd be nice and feed y'all again <3

if there was one thing everyone knew about bucky barnes, it was that he had an iron grip. or, in this case, a vibranium grip. and no one knew it better than you, especially when his left hand had such a grip on you.

your thighs were on either side of his head, and both of his hands were holding you down, keeping you pinned right where he wanted you. it was both the hottest thing in the world, and the most tortuous, since you couldn’t move how you wanted. no, he had full control of that, and he wasn’t going to relinquish it. his metal hand was cool against your skin, his fingertips squeezing into the plush of your thighs as his hands wrapped around them. you looked down, catching his gaze, and he pulled away for only a moment, just to grin up at you.

“best part of the day,” he said, his voice raspy from not being used in a little bit. he was breathless, happy to keep his face buried between your folds for as long as humanly possible.

“you’re gonna kill me,” you whispered back, and he turned his head to press a kiss to your thigh.

“not if you kill me first. and i could die a happy man right about now,” he replied, and before you could get him with a sassy remark, he dove back in, pulling you firmly over his face once more. his grip kept you pinned down, pressing nearly your full weight onto him. his nose bumped against your clit as he lapped at your folds, making you jump a bit and reach forward to grab the headboard. one of your hands gripped his hair, and you watched his eyes flutter shut. he was a sucker for you, every single reaction to the way he touched you, every sound you made, he craved it. being with you was like coming home after too long of a journey, holding you was like hugging the sun, and being the one to please you was everything he could ever wish for.

he knew every part of your body, every twitch and and jump, every sigh and moan, and it was something he would never grow tired of.

as he lost himself in you, his tongue lapping at your folds, you could feel the muscles in your abdomen tense. the hand that was resting on the headboard dropped to his hair, and you felt his grip slacken around your thigh just a little bit. it was like he was giving you permission to take a bit more control, and to really ride his face. your eyes met again, and he gave you a slight nod, the corners of his eyes crinkling to let you know he was smiling. you smiled breathlessly, then began to rock your hips, rolling them ever so slightly to get just a little bit more friction against your clit. you watched his eyes close in bliss as you moved, and you could feel yourself right on the edge. you grew more desperate, feeling that buildup, and he held onto your thighs just to feel the muscles tense. your chest heaved, and he opened his eyes again to watch, blatantly gazing up at your breasts. god, how he loved to watch them bounce. he reveled in the panting breaths that left your lips, and he groaned ecstasy as you finally came on his tongue.

he lapped at you again, drinking in all that you had to offer him like a man dying of thirst. and it wasn’t until you nearly collapsed backwards that he stopped and caught you, supporting your weight with both hands.

“easy, easy,” he murmured, helping you off of his face and chest and onto the bed beside him. he smiled as your curled up beside him, and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, hugging you close.

“that was really nice,” you murmured, and he kissed your forehead gently.

“good, glad i could help,” he replied, his thumb brushing over your shoulder. and as you laid there together, enjoying the peaceful moment, you felt him squeeze you again.

“ready for round two yet?”

[justporo]

Laid Out Traps

Astarion has many masterful ways with which he keeps seducing you - traps laid out masterfully for you to fall into. And you are eager to let yourself get dragged under. But this time you're pulling him down with you.

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: Well actually I wanted to write something else today, but here we are. Thoughts about how Astarion would continuously work on seducing you, making sure he's always on your mind didn't leave my mind. So enjoy some... not quite smut, but something sensual? Anyways, here goes.

Pairing: Astarion/GN!Tav (You) Warnings: light smut, lots of tension, blood Wordcount: 3,1k ~~~

You were walking through some forestry bits during another day of crossing this godsdamned Mountain Pass. It had barely been half a day but you were already exhausted. The journey just didn't seem to ever get any easier. Hopefully there would a break soon and you'd find some peace to calm your body and sort out your mind a little. Your thoughts had been running rampant for a while now and you were thankful for a moment away from the others when you could just let go a little.

Astarion - and therefore the reason why your mind was so scrambled - walked behind you. And he was also part of the reason why you felt so exhausted. Not only because the two of you had made it a frequent habit now to steal away when the others had gone to rest. But also because no matter how often you had found your way into the vampire’s arms, your thoughts never seemed to stray far from the pale elf. The hunger and need for the other never really sated.

It very much wasn't the kind of thing where the anticipation and the buildup had held all the magic. It hadn’t been merely a fling where the urge was overcome and then matters were dealt with for good.

No, much rather the more often you sought his embrace the more tightly wrapped his hold on your mind was. And you were beginning to feel that it might not even stop with his claim over your body and mind. At some point you would have confess to yourself that the sassy vampire, whose eyes sometimes were universes away with sorrow, had firmly snuck his way into your heart.

And Astarion took every opportunity to seduce you, to lure you in. Wrapping his strings tighter around you.

You were well aware of it.

He'd laid himself out as bait from the very beginning. You had known. At least you had very quickly been sure that he wasn't just after a body to lose himself in. Therefore, his ways were way too elaborate.

And also there were those moments when you were with him when it seemed he wanted to be anywhere but. But his focus always snapped back. Especially when you were trying to address these moments of absence.

Then he'd usually double his efforts, desperately trying to make you forget whatever thoughts had just sprung to your mind.

And unfortunately, he was masterful at that.

A master at deceiving you, luring you in and then keeping you trapped, being an addiction. It would probably not end well for you. Most vices didn't.

But you just couldn't stay away - neither from the way he held you but also from just… him.

A break was announced at some ruins you'd come across. Everyone seemed relieved. You set down your backpack and stretched when you felt a light touch at your back.

You turned to see Astarion who was lightly touching your shoulder. He gave you a knowing smile while his hand was quickly wandering down your arm with his fingertips finding some bare skin as quickly as possible at your wrist. The vampire's red eyes with a barely noticeable lifted eyebrow were an open question - or a promise rather.

His fingers in the meantime had moved to ever so lightly loop around your wrist. Not holding your hand of course, but it felt pretty intimate nonetheless. His lips were slightly parted, the tip of his tongue running over them absent-mindedly.

Your eyes immediately darted to them, then back to his gaze. Astarion's eyes were sparkling now in the midday sunlight and his mouth grew into his signature smirk.

This was exactly how he did it, how he caught you time and again: he made a game out of it, an adventure. Touching you when the others weren’t paying attention, letting his hand linger just long enough for you to feel a little heated, saying something playful that completely caught you off guard, sharing a stolen glance which always was a promise for more, for later.

Once he’d left you a little note in his narrow elegant handwriting with a line of poetry the two of you had once talked about. You still had it neatly tucked away under your armour - close to your heart. Sometimes you took it out to just look at it. Asking yourself how it could be if he always left you notes like that. You were hopelessly lost.

He had a thousand little ways of keeping you on your toes - or on your knees, much more -  and you were so prone to comply.

You were enjoying it, the way he turned it into this back and forth as if you were forbidden lovers: trying to hide away your attraction while finding as many moments to get lost in each other. It made it all the more titillating and intense.

You were absolutely sure the others knew anyway even if it was merely talked about in innuendos. But this didn’t stop Astarion from playing his little games with you. And you really didn’t want him to stop.

And so you also followed your lover this time, coyly throwing a glance over your shoulder to check if one of the other’s might be noticing. Then you let yourself be led around the ruins until you were around a corner of a former building. There was nothing much there but some underbrush and smaller blocks of former buildings.

Astarion had let his hand wander further until it had covered yours completely. And immediately when you had rounded the corner the vampire lifted your hand while he turned to you and with a few rash steps made you walk back until he had you up against the remainder of the wall.

He pressed your joint hands up against the stones next to your head while a predatory but auspicious grin had crept onto Astarion’s face. The vampire lowered his head as his gaze darkened and he took you in - lips, eyes, the hammering pulse at your throat.

His hips were pressing into yours, immobilising you against the stone wall, and the fingers of your joint hands were now laced - his thumb softly caressing yours lovingly despite the pressure he applied to trap you there with him.

The moment he’d pushed you against the wall, your former storming thoughts had been silenced and almost disappeared completely. Now you could only focus on the sensation of his closeness. Your lips were parted in anticipation already, your heart racing, a pleasant kind of tension was forming in your lower stomach.

You too took him in for a long moment, trying to burn this into your mind: the way he looked at you with his unique red eyes - almost from under his eyebrows -, soft lips curled into a cocky smile, the tips of his fangs noticeable, some of his silky white curls falling in his face, the curve of his high cheekbones that became even more noticeable when he slightly turned his head.

Astarion lifted his other hand to your face. He cupped your cheek for a moment, then let the back of his hand lightly stroke down your face. The gesture almost seemed too innocent in contrast to him having you pinned against a wall. Your eyes just widened more at him.

Then finally, his long fingers settled under your chin, his thumb placed on your chin, forcing you softly to tilt your head back while he moved in closer still.

“Shouldn’t you be careful who you follow into the woods?”, he whispered teasingly in a low voice.

His thumb was on your bottom lip of your already open mouth now, stroking over it as you let out a gasp. He was so incredibly close now too. Your hot breath must have moved over his cool skin. There were no thoughts in your head, only the feeling of the vampire being so impossibly and deliciously near - if only he moved like an inch or two closer.

“I wouldn’t want you to get trapped”, Astarion whispered again, drawing out the last word. His thumb tugged your bottom lip down now with quite some pressure before he let it slip back. Another gasp - almost a moan - left your throat.

“Maybe I am already trapped”, you managed to whisper in response. You earned a low chuckle and saw how the vampire’s eyes lit up and his grin grew broader - pronounced canines now fully on display. Your throat was dry, all of your hairs felt like they were standing on end in anticipation and your heart felt like it might give out any second. He slowly closed in on you, pupils dilating even more the closer he came - a hunter closing in on his prey.

And then he finally bridged the remaining gap, pressing his open lips to yours.

You immediately rewarded him with a deep moan. Your free hand was desperately trying to find hold on his armour to pull him even closer while your other was still firmly held in place.

Astarion’s tongue almost immediately slipped into your mouth, searching for dominance you willingly gave him when you welcomed his eager open mouthed kiss.

It wasn’t tender this. It was a powerplay - but it was full of burning hot passion. Fires were set ablaze in your lower body and the earlier tension was now making your whole body hum, sing for being graced with his attention.

The vampire moved so one of his legs pressed firmly between yours, almost forcing you up onto your tiptoes. Being even more immobilised, you were held at his mercy: indeed stuck in his trap - and you liked the place you were in.

The kiss was all tongues and teeth. Heads moving around while your mouths never left each other. Breathy groans and gasps were exchanged while his hand at your chin moved to your throat, fingertips pressing lightly onto your thrumming pulse before they wandered up again to outline your jaw, slightly applying pressure. With that he made your head tilt back even further.

Astarion eagerly claimed your mouth as his while pressing his body against you and you against the stone wall that pleasantly twinged at your back. If he wanted you right here and now there wouldn’t be a moment of hesitation. The water wasn’t even up to your neck anymore, you had well gone under and were happy to let go completely.

But after long moments Astarion withdrew from you. Instantly, you almost slumped down against the wall. Partly because of Astarion not holding you up anymore but mostly because he’d devoured almost everything of you with just a kiss. Knees were wobbly as you tried to catch your breath. Your eyes fell on Astarion who had taken a few steps back and was looking at you. His crimson eyes were wide with arousal, his breath a little ragged too. But he was still very much in control - the chase was only paused, not ended.

“Tonight then?”, he simply asked with an eyebrow jumping up.

This godsdamned bastard - turning you almost into a puddle with some kissing and now this audacity. He’d returned to his familiar stance, not one fucking hair out of place, breath already returning to normal. As much as you enjoyed this all, this game, the teasing, the nightly rewards. The asymmetry was all of a sudden making you mad.

Astarion cocked his head and blinked at you several times, with a sassy expression on his face still awaiting your response. He knew exactly what he’d done to you - smug arsehole.

A thought formed in your mind. You immediately jumped to the execution before you could second guess yourself.

You cocked your head just as he was still doing. Then you started to saunter over to him. Your gaze was locked onto his as you tried to not let your intention show on your face.

For once, just once, did you want to be the one leaving him flustered and in desperate need for more.

Astarion’s smug facial expression shook slightly the closer you came. For a moment you thought you even saw a slither of fear and worry run over his face. But this surely must’ve been an illusion, right?

His eyes became wide and round. Probably unbeknownst to him, but yet another thing that made you fall for his trap harder. Whenever the vulnerable person beneath all the sultry jokes and the perfect mask showed you wanted nothing more but to keep him safe.

But this wasn’t your focus now.

You shortly stopped before him, staring into his open eyes. Then you stepped closer even until you were almost touching him and you could take in his smell again. He gasped silently, all while his gaze never left yours.

And then your hands shot up, grabbing his face, pulling him to you once more in a kiss. You made him do the same thing he’d done with you: with your body pushing him back step by step. Then when Astarion’s boot heel hit a low stone of the ruins, you gave him a little push, so he landed with his butt on the stone.

You immediately followed, pressing your legs to his shins and knees so he wouldn’t have a way to get up - trapping him.

Heat was coursing through your body as you looked down on him now.

Astarion was breathing heavily now through his open mouth. He held your gaze - his expression surprised but not scared. If anything it was dominated by hunger now, demanding to be fed.

And so you did: sitting down on his lap, straddling him with both your thighs firmly pressing around his hips, ripping a low groan from him. Immediately you ground against him, already feeling his hardening arousal.

You grabbed his face with both hands and without hesitation pressed your mouth to his once more. This time you were in charge, your tongue playing with his and exploring his mouth.

Meanwhile Astarion’s hands both moved to cup your behind, squeezing your butt with splayed fingers, earning him your moan.

One of your hands went to the back of Astarion’s head, gripping some of his curls so you could pull back his head some more and shift your weight on his lap. You were leading this, you had him pinned - and you were keen to draw out the moment.

Your other hand caressed his face, fingers spreading, then wandering over one of his pointy ears, softly tugging, caressing and teasing - rewarding you with what could only be called a pleading whimper.

You rolled your hips again while your lips were still eagerly moving on his, not letting up, not giving Astarion a moment where he might take charge again.

Again, you were ready to just go all the way. Strip down bare here and now and just give into the carnal need that threatened to consume you both - but where would be the fun in that? And also you had been taught by a master.

Your last coup was to drag your tongue slowly along Astarion’s teeth. Feeling the sting of the vampire’s sharp fang as you drew your tongue along it.

A coppery taste flooded you for a moment; you’d drawn blood. Good, just as you had intended.

Of course Astarion had also immediately tasted your blood. His grip on you immediately intensified. A low growl rumbled in his chest when your taste hit him.

Your eyes that had been closed for the passionate kiss, flew open when you heard the vampire’s sharp intake of breath. His eyes were open too now and you saw how the black of pupils almost drowned out the red of his irises.

You gasped as you were eye to eye with the predator. Shortly asking yourself if it had been a good idea to wander willingly into his arms - his trap, as he had said before - and offer yourself up so eagerly.

Because this was also when the tides turned again.

One of Astarion’s arms looped around you while his other hand went up to grab your face. He pulled you even closer as he shifted his weight. Your hands slipped from their grip in his curls and went to simply cup his face as the vampire leaned you back.

He held your face in his firm grip as he groaned and deepened the kiss even more, eagerly trying to taste you fully. His tongue ran over yours as he was claiming your mouth once more.

He was leaning forward so much now as he eagerly sucked up every last delicious drop of you that you were arching your back, leaning back into nothing but thin air on his lap. Held in place only by his arm firmly looped around your waist and his hand pressing your face to his.

But soon every last drop of you for that moment had been abundantly tasted and devoured. One carnal desire - if not filled - at least postponed to a later time. Leaving one other still.

The kiss had slowed a bit again. But you still felt Astarion’s and your own arousal pretty evidently. The one tasted pleasure had fueled the other. But you had always only planned to tease him. To give the vampire a taste of his own medicine.

You arched your back once more to press your body against his harder one last time. Meanwhile you dragged his bottom lip between your lips just for a short moment, making the vampire groan and squeeze you against him harder, one of his hands on your butt again.

But then - at the height of your eager teasing - you withdrew. Startling Astarion so much with how you just swiftly got up from his lap that he simply let you go.

His eyes were still wide and he was obviously still feeling the rush of tasting your blood and from the kiss. His chest was lifting time and again as he was obviously desperate to regain composure. Besides surprise, admiration snuck into his gaze and into the smile he offered you now while he leisurely leaned one of his arms on his knees. His white curls were now thoroughly dishevelled as you noticed with satisfaction.

You were very much pleased with yourself, especially since resisting the urge had been no easy feat and you could still feel the need to grab and feel Astarion right this instant. But for once you had turned the tables - having the hunter end up in the prey’s claws just this time.

“Tonight then”, you answered Astarion’s previous question with a smirk. And then you turned and left your catch struggle. To return to it at a later time - and finish the job.

Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess

[adhdduckie]

cuz he's my best friend's brother!

my masterlist

pairing : choso kamo (my beloved) x reader.

on the radio : lunch by billie eilish.

word count : 11.1k

synopsis; he's your best friend's older brother- that's all he is to you. nothing more, nothing less. so why do you feel this way about him? and why are you so interested in the things that he does? he seems to have no interest in you at all. (no curses AU) turns out he's just as whipped as you. yuji being done with u n choso forever

or;

years of gradual buildup to a romantic relationship between your best friend's brother; choso kamo.

guys im so sorry this has been marinating in my drafts for months.

t.w; swearing, some angst? eventual fluff. reader is described as having a period and wears dresses. lmk if i forget anything else

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AGE 5 and AGE 7

You met Yuji at your day care. you'd been sitting on the grass field in the backyard of sunny smiles daycare, tears welling up in your eyes as you glared angrily at the ground. you didn't want to be here! you wanted to be at home with your mom and dad!

it was your first time being away from your parents for so long, and you'd stormed away from the sunny smiles worker as soon as your parents left.

so that brought you to where you were, sitting under a shady tree all alone, stabbing angrily at the ground with a stick. it's not that anyone was actively avoiding you, as a couple of other kids had approached you but you hissed at them like a feral cat, not particularly enjoying your emergence into society.

it all changed very quickly though, because just when you found a little stick bug, a little boy with bright pink hair and a bright smile came bounding up to you.

“Whatcha lookin at?” he asks, and you look up at him.

“Bug.” you respond shortly, and his smile brightens even further, if that was even possible. (you learn to know that his smile is blinding, and something he doesn’t reserve. He gives them to everyone as if it's as easy as breathing to him.)

That’s how you become best friends with Yuji, over some fascination over a stick bug, in the corner of a playing field.

You end up finding out that he lives on your street, a couple of houses down, with his big brother and his  dad.

Throughout the years, you spend countless hours over at the itadori/kamo household, and it becomes a second home to you quite easily, their father being kind and outgoing helps you become seamlessly integrated into their family of 3.

The first time you went over, you were sooo excited the night before, you couldn’t sleep! You’d known yuji for an entire 2 weeks, and could not wait to meet his older brother, and his parents.

The day of, you were so hyperactive, bouncing around while you whined to your mother when she took an entire 10 minutes to get ready to walk you to his house, running ahead of her on the pavement on the way there.

You race up the stairs to his door, pounding your little fists on the door, somewhat rudely and rather impatiently, but you get a pass for being a literal child.

Your mother pulls you by the hand away from the door and scolds you for being impolite and so impatient, but you’re too excited to care.

You can hear the door being unlocked on the other side of the door, and then next thing you know, there’s an angel opening the door and staring down at you with the prettiest purple eyes.

…record scratch.

The boy standing in front of you is not an angel, but he might as well be. Longish black hair thrown up in to two twin ponytails, with deep set eyes and a thousand yard stare, he’s gorgeous. He smiles at you, greeting you formally as if he’s an adult, and not just a 7 year old boy.

Your mom coos, ‘such an adorable little boy,’ and already responsible enough to be answering the door.

“Look at him, y/n. He’s so well behaved. You can learn from him.” your mother says, looking down at you with an affectionate smile.

You can’t even reply, you’re so taken with this boy. This must be choso, Yuuji's older brother by two years.

You look him up and down, and he smiles at you. You decide immediately that you love this boy, and he will be yours. (you’re 5, and he’s 7. He’s not going to be yours anytime soon.)

So obviously you do what any 5 year old would when presented with a cute guy. You grab onto him, and refuse to let go even when your mom is pulling you off him.

“Sorry, I don't know what’s gotten into her.” your mom apologises to the boy, trying to hold in her laughter.

“It’s alright.” choso replies with a smile.

At that time, Yuji seems to hear the commotion at the door, and comes bounding over, yelling your name excitedly.

“Yuuji!” You yell in response, letting go of his brother momentarily to hug him.

“Why didn’t cha tell me bout your brother?” you ask him, before immediately reverting back to choso’s side.

Your mother sighs, before bids you goodbye and heads to work, thinking to herself that the years to come will be interesting indeed.

“Whaddya mean?” yuji asks you, as he pries you off from his brother and pulls you into the house to give you a tour.

“.um, duh….he’s going to be my husband. You will be my brother in law!” you tell yuuji confidently, sure that you will win the heart and the affections of his older brother.

Yuuji stares at you with a concerned and open mouthed look, before he breaks into a smile.

“Will we be related?” he asks cheerfully.

“Yes! You can be my brother in law!” you tell him, already planning out your future, just considering the names of your children.

You forget that choso is behind you, trailing, and he lets out a soft chuckle, before he rubs the top of your head. He’s pretty tall for a 7 year old, but then again, he’s always been the tallest kid in his class.

“I’ll wait.” he tells you and you brighten, smile radiating like a thousand suns.

choso thinks it’s funny, and considers it just another childhood promise that is made by kids that aren’t kept.

But you’re convinced that he’s the one for you, and the one you will love forever. You’re convinced that this is who you’re meant to spend the rest of your life loving, and that he was made for you.

You and Yuji spend the day in the garden, playing with the sandpit they installed, frisking around in the pool, and on the set of the swings, all under the watchful eye of choso.

choso seems to be built for the role of protective older brother, because yuji and you aren’t allowed to be out of his watchful eyes for more than a minute.

He plays with you guys with a level of maturity you’ve never seen in a kid before, but he still is patient as he plays with you in the sandbox. In later years, you’ll look upon moments like these to realise just how serious he’s been, even as a child.

When you and yuuji had an argument over who should get the neon green shovel, he sighs, before telling you that you should take turns, an hour with you and an hour with yuuji. By the time yuuji’s hour is up, you’ve already forgotten about wanting it.

That would never stop him from being sweet and considerate to you, though. Time at the itadori household passes by quickly, and soon, hours have passed and it’s lunch.

You follow behind choso and yuji as they walk into the kitchen, to be greeted by jin, itadori’s father.

You smile at him, introducing yourself a little to him, while he talks to you as he cooks.

Yuji and choso jump onto the seats surrounding the island with some difficulty, but they’re still able to reach. Being 5 years old, you can’t reach, and struggle to clamber on, so choso gets off his chair to help you up to sit on it.

He’s so caring, it’s almost ridiculous.

Hours later, when you leave the itadori’s house only after the promise of many more visits to come, you’re still giddy from the high of the day, kicking your feet as your mom walks you back to your home. You wave to yuuji and choso, who are both staring out the window to see you leave.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AGE 7 and AGE 9

Two years after you meet yuji, you’re still spending so much time over at yuji and choso’s house.

it's safe to say that you enjoy their house more than your own, considering how you’re there almost every single waking moment. Your mother worries about intruding, but it���s not something that really crosses a 5 year old’s mind.

Jin laughs anytime your mother frets, and says there’s nothing to be worried about, and he doesn’t mind that you’re there a lot, as “both of the boys seem to love [you]”.

In later years, your mother will often comment on how you seemed to be so taken with choso, and yuuji, but both in different ways.

For yuji’s 8th birthday, he got a small house. Not literally, but one of those children houses that you would find in a walmart, for at most a hundred dollars. It was plasticy and shiny, with red (plastic) bricks, and a purple roof. It was just big enough to fit the three of you at one time, and suprisingly, at the age of 9, choso was still perfectly content to spend time with an 8 year old and a 7 year old.

You remember the day yuuji got that house. You were at sunny smiles daycare, playing on the seesaw set when he came bounding up to you with a big toothy smile.

“Guess wa i got for ma birthday!!'' Yuuji all but demands, looking somewhat smug despite having a massive gap in his teeth, where he’s missing his two front teeth. (all i want for christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth!)

“What?” you ask him, getting excited already. His energy is infectious, which makes you wonder why choso looks so tired all the time. The bags under his eyes are prominent, even though you know his schedule well enough to know that he sleeps about 10 hours, and somehow he still has them.

Genetics, you guess.

“No silly, you need to guess.” yuuji tells you, climbing up onto the opposite end of the seesaw, and you fly upwards.

You let out a giggle, and think for a second, before loudly exclaiming; “hmm, a parrot?”

“Nope! Try again.” yuuji responds.

“A new bike?” you try again, and he shakes his head. His face splits into a large grin, and he shakes his head.

“Wrong!” he exclaims, before sighing and yelling out loud; “a plastic house”

“Noo way! You’re so lucky, i’m so jealous.” you whine, your legs pumping the seesaw up and down as you move.

“You can come over after school, you know?” he tells you. Suddenly getting off the seesaw, which causes you to fall off and hit the floor.

That is what brings you to here, now. Playing in his kitchen when he decides he wants to take you outside to see the little house.

Choso follows behind the two of you quietly, making sure you both don’t injure yourself by tripping or some other funny way.

As yuuji opens the backyard door, you see it.

A plastic house, just big enough to fit three or four kids, with red plastic ‘bricks’ and a purple roof.

The purple is a shade you’ve seen before, and you realise almost immediately that it reminds you of choso’s eyes, so you voice that.

You turn behind just in time to see the pink on his face, and you let out a giggle, while yuuji pretends to be deaf.

That little house becomes a very important figure in the games you would play back in those days .

Like many 7 year olds,  you wanted to play house, and as a somewhat bossy 7 year old, you decided that you were gonna be the wife and choso was gonna be the husband.

Yuuji, forever the afterthought, was gonna be your dog.

And that was a game that was played for many years, until choso and yuuji both decided that they were too old to be playing house but that didn’t mean that your friendship had changed in the slightest.

AGE 12 and AGE 14

Just before choso left middle school to go to high school, he was widely well known in your shared middle school as Yuuji's cute older brother, and you agreed, of course, but he was choso. You may have been in love with him the first time you met him, but he was your best friend’s brother!

A massive figure in your life, something you had grown up with. Choso was the one who would patch your knee up if you fell, and sat up with you if you ever had trouble with your homework while yuuji waited by playing video games. All of this meant that choso was someone you worshipped, for the way he treated you and for the person he was.

It was one of your typical mall visits with choso and yuuji on a weekend, where jin had dropped the three of you off at the mall to have some fun and catch a movie.

Yuuji and you had decided to go with some horror movie, and had taken choso to pretend to be over 16 so you could see a slightly age inappropriate movie, since at that age, choso was almost taller than jin, towering over just about everyone you knew, so he was your master plan in catching that movie.

Jin, believing that you just went to hang out at the mall, drove you there. Choso in the front seat, and yuuji and you in the back. You were leaning with your back against the door, with your legs thrown over yuuji’s lap as you scrolled through your phones, sending videos to each other.

Jin stops as he pulls up to the mall, turning back to look at you in the back of the car as he smiles and tells you to be safe and have fun on this trip to the mall, and that he expects a call and update on everything that you do, so he knows when to come pick you up.

As you step out of the car, there’s a large cramp in your stomach which causes you to double over. It’s  nothing you’ve ever experienced before, in terms of pain, but it doesn’t last for long, so you play it off.

Yuuji gives you a strange look, but doesn’t say anything, as he knows that if it was serious enough you wouldn’t stop whining about it, so he turns to the front as he eagerly leads the way into the airconed mall.

It’s rather empty, seeing how it’s late afternoon on a Sunday when people would rather be at home spending time with their families.

The cramps are back, and they are slightly worse, making your eye twitch. It mostly goes unnoticed, but you do get a slightly concerned look from choso, who mouths the words; “are you alright?” at you, and you just nod, eyebrows furrowed, wondering what is making you so uncomfortable.

You pay for your popcorn and drinks at the cinema, opting to share two large popcorn buckets between you two, as yuuji always seems to finish the first one before you’ve even managed to get one.

The three of you sit in a row together, with yuuji on your left side, and choso on your right. You’re given the task of holding the popcorn, and the darkness of the theatre does well to mask the flush on your face from being so close to choso.

While the theatre is a bit cold, you feel nice and toasty, not just from the heat on your face, but from having choso’s warm body heat so close to you.

Human earthworm 2 begins to play, and yuuji eagerly dives into the popcorn, watching intently. The cramps suddenly come back again, and something feels really wrong. You try to play it off, but after a while, you completely give up, whispering a hush “i’ll be back.” as you climb over yuuji’s legs while you try to get to the bathroom.

As you walk out of the theatre, you’re stuck with an even larger feeling of dread, the pit of your stomach seems to burn, and you’re afraid of what you’re going to find in the bathroom.

In the privacy of the stall, you realise what’s wrong. Your period. You’ve gotten it for the first time. The timing could not be worse.

You sigh, thinking about how there might be some pads in the bathroom for any emergencies, and when you check, there isn't.You panic, a bit (not a bit, a lot), and check the clothes you’re wearing. There’s a bit of a blood stain on the bottoms, and you’re about to cry.

Not when you’re out! This is so mortifying, literally the worst thing that could happen to you.

You realise you won’t be able to cover up the stains, as you left your jacket in the cinema hall.

‘Fuck.’ you whisper out and slump down in defeat, not exactly knowing what you should do here.

Time passes really slowly, and a quick glance at the time tells you you’ve been here for over 20 minutes already. At that thought, your cheeks heat up, as you’re afraid what the boys will think you’re doing in here.

You sigh, before realising you have no choice but to ask them to help you, but the idea of texting and mentioning your…predicament is enough to make you tear up a little in embarrassment.

At that moment, you hear a ping from your phone, so you pick it up to check, and what you see makes you stop crying immediately.

Choso; are u ok?? We’re a little worried abt u

y/n; …

Choso; ???

y/n: i need ur help pls

Choso : ofc what do u need?

Ten minutes later, you hear a call of your name from the entrance of the bathroom, and you unlock the door, walking to the entrance of the bathroom to come face to face with choso, who has a new pair of shorts slung over his arm, and a bag of period products for you.

He gives you a worried smile, before he asks if you’re okay.

You nod in response, too embarrassed to actually look at him in the eyes, and you whisper out a rushed thank you before you grab the stuff and use them.

He returns back to the movie, sitting next to a confused yuuji, who asks where he went.

“The bathroom.” he whispers in response, before turning back to the movie. Yuuji looks at him funny but doesn’t say anything, and just turns back to it too.

Later on, when you sit down next to them again, you whisper out another hushed thanks to choso, before wrapping the hoodie around your waist, just in case, and paying attention to the movie.

This incident isn’t ever spoken about again, but you always remember how he was eager to help you, while you know yuuji would have been so freaked out.

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AGE 16 AND AGE 18.

School’s let out, and it’s summer time. You know what that means, right? Pool days at the itadori household!

Last summer, jin itadori arranged a surprise for the boys- a pool, and for the last three weeks, you’ve been there almost every day, with yuuji.

You’d play in the water together, or sit by the side of the pool with a cold drink in your hand, reading, playing games (in yuuji’s case) or by napping.

But most of all, you’d talk.

Yuuji and your friendship was centred around there being no secrets, and how you’d trust each other with your life.

So, he basically knew everything about your life, except for one tiny…miniscule and unimportant detail.

The crush you had on his brother.

Somehow you had managed to be less obvious with it than the ones you had had in school for some ungodly reason, but your luck with boys had never been that great, considering that none of those other crushes could even hold a flame to the one you had on choso.

But you couldn’t, because of this.

“Oh, how’s choso doing at uni?” you asked yuuji at the beginning of summer break,  with a fake air of uninterest to seem suave (you’re just fooling yourself and yuuji, everyone else knows)

He blinked at you, wondering why you seemed so uninterested.  shouldn’t you care? Choso  is your friend after all.

“Don’t you talk to him?” he asked, and you shrugged

“A bit, but not a lot.” you responded, pushing up your shades and reclining in the chair. you usually just get messages from him asking how it’s going and if you’re doing alright, but nothing really deep, since he’s so busy with school.

“Oh. Well, he said he’s got a new girlfriend, and his studies are going well.” yuuji responds, splaying out on the pool chair, turning his face up to the blinding sun.

Your heart drops down to your stomach, and it stings much more than it actually should.

“Oh. really?” you ask, trying to keep a steady voice.

“Mhm.” He hums, completely oblivious to the internal strife you are so very obviously facing. “You know, I actually spoke to her over the phone. She’s really sweet. Her name’s yuki.” he continues, eating chips out of the bowl so casually as if he hasn’t just torn out your heart.

You know yuuji means it when he says that choso’s new girlfriend is sweet. Yuuji is an exceptional judge of character, and was always, even from a young age. He may have been oblivious sometimes, but he really did know how to make excellent friends.

An example is the friends you made in freshman year, nobara kugisaki and megumi fushiguro. You were close with both of them, but you hadn’t known them as long as you had known yuuji, so you would always be closer to him than them, but that didn’t mean you didn’t love them.

And because you trust yuuji’s sense of her, you decide that maybe it isn’t worth getting upset over, since he sounds happy with a girl that is sweet. And all in all, you have no right to be getting upset, he’s not yours and he never will be. (haha. Haha. hahahhahahaha.)

You realise you’ve been quiet for too long, and social formalities deem that you respond now, or yuuji will actually start to get suspicious, which is not what you want.

“Oh, that’s great! Do you have any pictures of her?” you ask, before realising you really really shouldn’t have asked, because you don’t want to know.

Luckily, yuuji shakes his head. “Nah. but she will visit in a couple weeks to meet dad.”

Your finger twitches slightly, and you groan internally. Oh well.

So that brings you to the predicament you are currently in. three weeks later after you find out that choso actually has a girlfriend.

It’s about 3 in the afternoon, and as usual, you’re parked next to the pool with Yuuji and megumi, but not with nobara, since she’s away shopping in france (she’s living the life, is she not?)

But the thing that’s actually bothering you, is right in front of you. In its hot, muscly glory.

Choso.

He’s been back from university for over a week now. When he came back, he had greeted you with a big hug, and a ruffle of your hair, telling you that you had grown up a lot since he had last seen you.

Oh, how the turn tables.

He’s changed, too.

Because, when he was in highschool, he had been a tall and skinny guy, but now, he’s not so skinny anymore.

He seems to have put on loads of muscle in the months  he’s been away, and it almost changes the way you completely perceive him.

But god, does he look good.

Especially with the way he’s pulling himself out of the water, muscles tensing in his back, straining in his arms.

Thank you for this view. You pray to whatever kind god has presented this view to you.

And then you remember. He’s got a girl.

You practically growl in annoyance, and megumi sends you the weirdest look you’ve ever seen.

He knows too much to live.

You practically drag your eyes away from him, feeling wrong and unfair to be ogling someone else’s boyfriend, even if you have known him for much longer.

As choso walks past you to walk back into their kitchen to grab a drink, he flicks some water at you, which makes you flinch and drop the book you’ve been pretending to read.

Yuuji’s preoccupied with his phone and megumi snickers, which causes you to drag your eyes away from his back (when did you even start looking at it, my god?)

“You know, you’ve been on that page for the last twenty minutes” megumi oh so helpfully supplies, whispering just low enough that yuuji can’t hear. He leans forward towards you with a leer on his face that makes you want to slap it off his face

“I dunno what you’re talking about” you respond, picking up your book again, bringing it up to hide the flush that’s taking over your face from megumi.

You can hear him laughing.

When choso comes back from the kitchen, he’s got two glasses of iced tea in his hands. He walks back past you and you fight to keep your eyes trained on his face. Which allows you to catch the easy going smile he gives you as he passes you a glass, before settling into  his pool chair which is right next to yours.

“Where’s mine?” Yuuji whines, forgetting about his game for a moment to complain.

“Yeah, what about us?” megumi chimes in with a snort.

“If you wanna drink some, get it yourself.” choso replies

This becomes a game for you and megumi. You, who tries to look at choso and admire him without anyone noticing, and megumi catching you and teasing you about it like you’re both 11.

When you do meet yuki, a couple weeks later, you realise that you can’t even hate her. She’s sweet, although she is a bit strange.

You’re all gathered around the dinner table, in the yuuji household.

Yuuji to your side, as always. Jin at the head of the table, and choso and yuki sitting opposite.

You’re directly opposite yuki, and you immediately grow to like her. She’s sweet and funny, and has a strange sense of humour.

“So, how did you guys meet?” you ask them, watching the way they seem to lean into each other. Your heart squeezes, but you hold your love for choso above your romantic interest, and if he’s truly happy, that’s all that matters to you.

She smiles, and turns to her side to look at him. There’s so much love in her eyes for a relationship that is relatively new.

“I actually met yuki in the cafe that I work in.” choso responds, smiling at you as he picks up the plate of chicken.

You smile while taking a sip of your drink, swallowing hard before you speak; “that’s cute. You write your number on her cup?” you tease, which is a lot easier than you think, because even if you love choso, his happiness means more.

“Yes, actually. She seemed so sweet and she was gorgeous and I knew I had to know her, and the next thing I know, I'm in love.” He responds with a happy smile.

Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.

You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.

You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.

You’re 16 and he’s bringing out cups of a drink for you and only you. You’re 16, and when you’ve gotten wasted from a party he asked you not to go to, he sits up with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back as you throw up, because he promised that he’ll always wait for you, and that means that he’ll always take care of you.

You’re 16, and you’re helping him get ready for his senior prom, with a girl that doesn’t deserve him, but it’s not like you think you deserve him either. You’re standing in his room, watching him throw on his black jacket, and you look at the sorry excuse of a tie he has on, and you slap his hands away as you try to fix it. He sits down for you, without you having to say something, and you walk closer to him. With his legs pressed together, it’s hard for you to reach his tie, and he realises, so he lets you step in between them. You’re focusing as hard as you can on his tie, just so your heart doesn’t speed up too much and he can hear it. He watches you intently with a smile on his face, and you feel your cheek heat up. When you finish straightening the tie up, you pat him on the shoulder, and he lets you go. You don’t want to see him walk out with the girl on his arm, so you go home early, but not before you wish him to have fun.

And you realise that as you think this, none of this will actually matter to him, because he loves her.

And that kills you, but there’s nothing you can do.

You spend the rest of dinner rather quiet, not really talking much, but also subtle enough that nobody asks you what’s wrong.

choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.

He’s 9 and he’s playing house with you even though he hates that little house that his father bought him. He’s 9 and he’s your husband in that little plastic kitchen, watching you cook with a smile on his face.

He’s 13, and while he’d rather be playing football with his friends, but he’s sitting at their dinner table helping you understand your homework, since you’re scared of getting it wrong at school.

He’s 14 and he’s worried when you spend too much time in the bathroom, texting you to ask if you’re alright. He’s 14 and he’s buying pads and new clothes for you to change into to make sure you’re comfortable.

. He’s 18 and he’s letting you fix his tie for him, even though he knows how to tie his tie, but he lets you fix it anyway. He’s got a smile on his face and he’s aware that he probably looks like an idiot, but he likes how concentrated you are on this meagre task. Once you’re done, you pat him on the shoulder and he’s confused. He wants you to see how dapper he looks with the corsage pinned to his chest, him with his tie, the way his hair is done and his suit, but when he asks yuuji where you are, yuuji tells him with a confused look on his face that you’ve already gone home. He’s 18 and he’s unable to stop watching you with a smile on his face as you yell at his brother for eating your dessert, even though he’s got a girlfriend, and that you’ve always just been his little brother’s best friend

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AGE 20 and 22

You’re finally at uni, somewhere you’ve always waited for. You haven’t deliberately chosen the same place that choso is going to, but you’ve been joined by nobara and megumi and yuuji together, so that you are always together.

( a year or so ago) When you found out that you had gotten in, you had raced out of your house, to yuuji’s during the summer holidays, rushing through their door with the envelope.

You run past the kitchen where choso’s standing as he sips a cup of coffee, and you yell a good morning to him. All he does is laugh, a twinkle in his eye as he sips again.

You don’t pay too much attention to him because right now, something else is much more important. You stampede your way into yuuji’s room, where yuuji is on his bed, still sleeping.

You jump onto the bed, slapping yuuji awake.

“Yuuji, yuuji, yuuji yuuji” you yell loudly from excitement.

“WHAT” he groans, throwing his pillow at you, which you duck, due to your epic skills.

“I got in!” you scream happily, throwing the big fat envelope in his face.

It smacks him in the face with a loud thump and he groans in pain, looking at the envelope, before he says “congrats” and promptly turns back onto his side and goes back to sleep.

You kick him on the side, lightly, not enough to hurt, and huff angrily as you jump up from his bed, and pick up your big envelope again, tucking it into the waistband of your sweats, having not bothered to change out of your pyjamas, and walk down the stairs to the kitchen.

As you walk into the kitchen, choso looks up from his cup of coffee, and he gives you a bright smile.

“I heard from a little birdy that you got in?” he asks you, and you grin.

“Yes! I did, i’m so excited.” you tell him. “And hopefully yuuji, megumi, and nobara did too.” you continue, happy that you might be with them.

Just then, you get a message on your phone, and you pull it out.

You let out a squeal of excitement as you shove your phone under choso’s nose, showing him megumi’s text that he too, got accepted into this university.

“I take it you’re excited?” he asks you, feeling a slight pang of uneasiness when he sees how excited you are that megumi had also gotten in, but he doesn’t really know why.

“Yeah! Hopefully yuuji and nobara can also join so we won’t be without them, and then We’d also be able to see you more, as well!” you say, trying to play it off as you’re not the one who’d probably be the most excited that you could see him more.

Despite yuuji and choso being siblings, and choso caring a lot for him, they are pretty nonchalant when they haven’t seen each other for a while, but you guess that’s just sibling dynamics.

Choso feels his heart speed up in his chest, and he smiles.

“That’d be nice, for sure.” he responds, humming as he sips his coffee again.

Just then you really look at him. This is his second cup of coffee and it’s barely 9 am.

“How long have you been awake? And are you even sleeping?” you ask him, because you’re worried. Your brows furrow, and he leans in to show you, and you notice that the dark purple circles under his eyes that have always been there, are a bit darker than normal.

He sighs, and rubs his forehead before he explains; “i’ve got a paper due soon, so i’ve been working pretty hard on that.”

You frown, worried about his lack of sleep, and you push him towards getting more, because he looks tired.

Just like he promised to always look after you, you promise the same.

Just then, yuuji comes bouncing down the stairs, and he runs out to the mailbox. You realise what he’s going for so you follow, excited to see the results.

He rips open the mailbox, and sees a big envelope and he grins. You’re bouncing on your feet beside him, eager for him to open it.

But yuuji wants to open it with his big brother, so you go back in. When inside, he tears up the envelope cover and pulls out his acceptance letter, and you all celebrate.

That was over a year ago now, and you’re in your second year of college.

2 months after you joined choso’s university with megumi, nobara and yuuji, you met Ander.

He was sweet at first, and he provided a good distraction from a love you had for choso that seemed to fade the more you spent time with ander. It was really useful, because choso and yuki were everywhere you looked.

But after awhile, you were desensitised to it, so whenever you would see choso, your heart wouldn’t fill up with so much excitement anymore, but more of a, i used to like this guy.

Present tense became past tense when you thought you just didn’t love him like that anymore (lol as if), so you started treating choso a little differently, you started treating him more like you should have from the beginning, your best friend’s brother.

I mean, he noticed, but like he never ended up saying anything to you, in case of hurting your feelings or disrupting the peace he sometimes was able to make with yuki.

They were still together, but it was getting difficult. They were constantly arguing over the littlest things, and he just grew to realise he didn’t love her as much as he thought he did. But you didn’t know this for a while.

But that’s not important just now.

Ander, who you had met in your psych 101 class, had sat down next to you during the first lesson on your 3rd day at college.

You didn’t talk much for the first couple of lessons, but after a while, he was easy and simple, just what you needed at that time.

Someone that was attainable, and totally not your best friend’s brother.

Slowly, you began to get to know each other better, and in the last class of your first week, he came into class with a cup of coffee that he gave to you with his name and his number, asking for a date.

Your relationship was simple, at first. Dates were enjoyable, and you got along well enough. He was an alright kisser compared to your previous experiences.

obviously, that stuff didn’t last.

or else, this wouldn’t be about you and choso.

conflict started occuring during your fourth month together.

not physical, thankfully, you wouldn’t have stayed with him, but arguments were very common.

he wanted to go a party, but you had an exam the next day, or you weren’t feeling like it.

he never forced you to do things you didn’t want to, but he did get annoyed, and also got petty.

you don’t want to go to a party with him? he’ll talk about it none stop, and about the amount of people that came up to him asking where you were.

you can’t go out cuz you have to study? he’ll tell you about the number of girls that hit on him, before he’d say, ���obviously, i told them i was taken’. and you’d stare at him, like, do you want a reward for remaining loyal?

but you thought you loved him, and that was what was important to you.

nobara hated him, and she told you multiple times that he was a pig.

and megumi got into arguments with him all the time, about the dumbest thing. for example, ander would want you to wear flashier, nicer and more revealing, but megumi would cut in, telling him that you could dress how you pleased, and there was nothing. he could do about it.

and yuuji? yuuji couldn’t even bear to stay in the same room as him, which was why you didn’t end up spending a lot of time with yuuji. it was some of the worst time of your life.

choso, who had met him, thought he seemed alright, but he had heard about what yuuji said about him, so he was wary.

the first time they met, you noticed how opposite they were. choso was taller, more attractive to you, and he just made ander pale in comparison.

you worried about the way it may have seemed like you were using ander, but you really didn’t have any feelings for choso, and ander was who you liked. When they first met, choso shook his hand hard, smacking his hand down on ander’s shoulder like a father would do to his daughter’s boyfriend, and he stared him right in the eye.

ander, slightly intimated, leaned backwards as choso whispered, just loud enough for all of you to hear; “you better take care of her.”

you roll your eyes, having seen this protective older brother routine before, and you step in, pushing choso’s hand off his shoulder and breaking his grip on ander’s hand, pushing him away from ander.

“that’s enough.” you’d said, pushing ander into the next room before you turned back to choso, who shakes his head at you.

“i don’t like him.” he tells you, and you get annoyed at him, for the first time.

“you don’t have to like him.” you snap back, “it doesn’t matter.”

choso and you never talk about his distate for ander again.

You’ve ended up at some frat party that nobara’s dragged all of you to.

you were originally supposed to go with ander, but considering how he had a last minute study group meeting, you told him that you didn’t mind, and he could go ahead to his study group while you would stay home.

nobara somehow caught wind of this, burst into your room while you were sititng at your desk with a frown on her face.

“thought you had date night with ander?” she asks, throwing herself onto your bed.

“something wtih his study group came up”. You respond, pushing away from your desk to turn and look at her on your bed.

“…at 9 pm on a friday?” she asks, her frown etching deeper into her face.

“i guess so.” you respond, knowing how weird that might sound to her, but you don’t want to bring it up.

“well,” she slaps her knees like an old grandma, pushing herself up to her feet. “I’ll be right back. we’re going to that party anyway.”

you sigh, knowing better than try to convince nobara to change her mind once she’s gotten her mind hooked onto something.

you watched, bemused as nobara sprints out the room, laughing to yourself when you hear her footsteps sprint down the hall of the dorms.

soon enough, nobara’s back. Dressed in a short red dress, she throws a gold fabric at your face, which, because you don’t expect it, smacks you right in the face with it. you pull it away from your face to have a proper look at it.

standing up, you push past to go change into it, giving her an annoyed look.

it’s a gold dress with spaghetti straps that stops right below the middle of your thigh. it’s a pretty little dress, and you sigh when you see yourself in the mirror. because this will forever be your favourite look.

nobara is dragging you through the crowds of a party in a frat house, towards the center, where you can easily spot megumi’s glowery face and yuuji’s beam from the opposite side of the room. the contrast between the two really stands out, with people avoiding megumi, keeping a circle of space around him, while they crowd around yuuji.

nobara goes to yuuji, while you stand next to megumi.

“he drag you here?” you ask megumi, taking the drink he passes you. you take a sniff. no alcohol, just how you wanted it.

“yea. Is that nobara’s dress?” megs asks you, gesturing vaguely to the gold fabric on your skin.

you nod in response as you scan the room, to see who’s there. you see friends from classes that you take, and previous classmates from old lessons.

and then you notice him.

there’s the sound of a plastic cup crunching, and it’s only when you feel a cold substance running down your hand, you realise it’s yours.

ander has his hand on a girl’s waist, and they’re walking up the stairs to someone’s bedroom. They’re close enough to not look innocent, and your suspicions are confirmed when he leans in to kiss her with a familiarity that tells you that this is not the first time.

you don’t even say anything, and you just stare.

megumi trails off in the middle of something he was saying and he turns to look at you, his eyes following your line of sight.

it takes him a second, but he gets there. “..what the fuck.” he growls, throwing his drink to the side as he marches forward.

your arm shoots out to stop him, and he pauses, looking at you with confusion.

you shake your head, just turning around to sit down.

megumi follows you, and yuuji and nobara finally seem to notice something is wrong.

they crowd around you, nobara taking the drink out of your hand as she follows your line of sight, just in time to see the back of ander’s head and a girl as they walk into the bedroom.

“oh that bitch.” nobara all but grumbles, miming pushing up her sleeves before she sets off on his direction.

“no.” you say, rather quietly, before you seem to crumble, tears coming to your eyes as you rest your head in your hands, curled up on the sofa.

there’s a dip in the couch as yuji sits next to you, bringing you close to him, and resting your head on his shoulder.

they all crowd around you, telling you how much of an asshole he is , and nobara tells you she can fuck up his car if you wanted.

that gets a laugh out of you, and you manage to smile at them, while still shaking your head. he’s not worth it, you think, and it makes you feel better already.

the rest of the night is a big blur, as you struggle to make sense of things. Ander, cheating?

it makes sense, in some way, but at the same time it doesn’t. what had gone wrong? (Arguments, disagreements)

you don’t even want to think about him anymore, so with a quick text of “don’t ever talk to me again, we’re done”, and you were a free lady.

you wake up the next day with a pounding headache, not from alcohol but from tears and a stressful evening, to a knock on your door.

you groan, throwing your blankets off of your body as you stumble to the door with a grimace on your face.

forgetting that you’re still wearing last night’s clothes, save for your makeup, you open the door to see choso.

it’s been a while since you last saw him, the two year school difference has made him so busy in preparation for his graduation, he’s been working so hard with his part time job and his studying.

he looks..different, in some way. Tired but happy. You’ve seen him around on campus, and you have texted him a lot, just messaging about school and work and life.

“yuuji told me.” he says in form of a greeting, shaking his head while you step back to let him in. he looks you up and down in your tight gold dress and he averts his eyes, which is what makes you realise that you’re still wearing the same thing from yesterday night.

“he moves fast.” you say in response, as a way to stop yourself from worrying too much about how you look. there’s not much that you can do now.

“I should have known.” he says. you look up at him, confused, before he sighs and continues; “about ander, i mean. I didn’t like him when I first met him.”

“well, you weren’t the only one.” you say, pulling out an oversized shirt out from your drawer, putting it over the gold dress.

he steps over to your desk, setting something down you haven’t noticed before, a pack of food. the scent wafts over to your nose, and you let out a happy squeal when you realise it’s your favourite food.

he smiles, glad to see that you’re not too upset, but it quickly drops off his face as soon as he remembers why you should be upset in the first place.

“thanks.” you mumble out through a mouthful of food. he waves you off, telling you not to worry about it.

“are you sure you’re alright? I can have a word with him if you need.” He raises his eyebrows when he mentions having ‘a word’ with ander, and you get what he means.

“no, it’s alright. he’s not worth it.” you say, swallowing the food.

“thanks for being here.” you say.

“anytime. I’m always here if you need me.” he says, ruffling the hair on your head in endearment.

sitting down at your desk, he takes a bite from a bowl he’s bought for himself.

“is there anything that you need from me?” choso asks, still looking really worried for you.

“i promise, I’ll be alright.” you respond.

there’s a silence, but it’s not uncomfortable, but rather it’s quite enjoyable, and feels right.

Leaning back in your chair when you're done, you turn to look at CHOSO, surprised to notice that he'd already been staring at you before hand

He gives you a tentative smile that looks like he's relieved that you're alright.

"Thanks for checking up on me." You say again, standing up to throw away the trash of the food he'd brought for you, and when you're about to reach for his plate, your arm reaching past him, he grabs ahold of you softly, standing up as he does so while he hugs you.

Your arms immediately wrap around his waist, and his chin rests upon your head. He's got a firm hold of you, but you feel content to be there.

You let out a sigh, and you can feel the tears beginning to prick at the corner of your eyes. You needed this. Not from choso specifically, but you just needed this.

after awhile, he lets go, his hands gripping your forearms as he stares at you, realising that you've almost cried again. One hand cupping your jaw, and the other hand reaches up, and he uses a thumb wipes away a stray tear that you didn't realise had escaped.

"Don't cry" he tells you, brushing back some of your hair. "He's not good enough for you." He tells you again, echoing the words that he had told you the first time he met ander.

You let out a wet chuckle, glad to have his support.

you step back from his embrace, and the hand that was cupping your jaw falls limply to his side.

you end up just staring at each other, his deep set, purple eyes meeting your eyes.

unable to stop yourself, you frown at the familiar twinge in your chest.

‘no, no no no’ you think, this isn’t good at all. you can’t do this again, and not so quickly, either.

but the heart wants what the heart wants. at least it’s building up slowly and not all at once.

Suddenly, you’re 5 again, walking down the itadori household for the first time, with your arm wrapped around choso’s as you refuse to leave him. He smiles at you and promises to wait for you.

You’re 11 and he’s sitting out of spending time with his friends to help you with your homework.

You’re 12 and he’s helping you conceal your period. You’re 12 and a half and you’re sitting on their couch, playing games with him.

You’re 16 and he’s bringing out cups of a drink for you and only you. You’re 16, and when you’ve gotten wasted from a party he asked you not to go to, he sits up with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back as you throw up, because he promised that he’ll always wait for you, and that means that he’ll always take care of you.

You’re 16, and you’re helping him get ready for his senior prom, with a girl that doesn’t deserve him, but it’s not like you think you deserve him either. You’re standing in his room, watching him throw on his black jacket, and you look at the sorry excuse of a tie he has on, and you slap his hands away as you try to fix it. He sits down for you, without you having to say something, and you walk closer to him. With his legs pressed together, it’s hard for you to reach his tie, and he realises, so he lets you step in between them. You’re focusing as hard as you can on his tie, just so your heart doesn’t speed up too much and he can hear it. He watches you intently with a smile on his face, and you feel your cheek heat up. When you finish straightening the tie up, you pat him on the shoulder, and he lets you go. You don’t want to see him walk out with the girl on his arm, so you go home early, but not before you wish him to have fun.

you’re 20, crying over a stupid ex boyfriend that cheated on you, when choso is the one there to support you. at the word of a friend, he’s ready to be there for you, and knows how to make sure you’re feeling better and understanding your worth. he’s there for physical comfort, and for anything that you may possibly need. it’s the most calm you’ve felt in months, in his arms. He makes sure that you’re as alright as you can possibly be.

choso’s at a party he doesn’t want to be at.

some of his friends had dragged him out of his room, after he had apparently spent too much time studying for his finals soon.

in the middle of a conversation with a girl that’s come up to him to try to hit on him. he’s pretty absentmindly talking to her, as he doesn’t want to be mean, because he knows her well enough that she’s super sweet, he’s just not interested in her.

for some reason, he looks away from the girl for a moment, to the door. the sight that greets him makes him freeze in the middle of his sentence.

it’s you.

he feels like there’s no more breath in his lungs, because you look absolutely gorgeous. he hasn’t felt like this looking at any girl since he broke up with yuki.

you’re wearing a gold dress that compliments you so well, he might just cry. it’s not like he hasn’t seen you for awhile, but something’s just more obviously different now.

he’s standing there with his mouth gaped wide open, long enough for the girl he’s talking to to notice what’s going on.

she lets out a little laugh, a little disappointed, pats him on the shoulder, and walks away.

he only jolts out of his reverie when he feels her pat his shoulder, and he manages to straighten up.

he’s just about to come and talk to you when he sees you crumble, and he’s filled with confusion. he sees your friends support you and take you away. he stands in the middle of the party for ages, torn between wanting to go support you and wanting to give you space.

he understands soon though, why you’re so upset.

ander’s just come out of a bedroom upstairs by himself, with his hair messed up, and a dopey look on his face.

choso knows immediately what he’s been doing, so he marches through the throng of the party to go confront him.

ander’s up against the wall before he can even realise what’s happening.

“what-what-” ander splutters pathetically.

choso’s mad. he’s mad, mad.

“what the fuck have you done?” choso snarls, all up in ander’s personal space. the party quiets down as all eyes are on choso and ander.

“wha are you talking about??” ander tears up, scared for his own safety.

“you know what.”

“she- she doesn’t give me what i want” ander answers. choso slams his hand above ander’s head, which causes ander to flinch.

“you don’t deserve her. you never did. If i ever hear you go near her again, you’re going to regret it.” choso says, before he pushes away from the wall, not even waiting to hear ander’s response.

that is what brings him be standing outside your room the next morning, before he knocks carefully.

he’s got your favourite food in a way to make you feel better, and he’s ready to give you as much support as you may need.

he hears a groan, and the rustling of bed covers, and then the sound of steps on carpet, before he hears the door unlocking, and he’s greeted with you.

you look gorgeous, having just woken up. he notices that you’re still in your golden dress from last night.

“yuuji told me” he says in a form of greeting, in a way to pretend that he didn’t see everything that happened last night.

he sees your initial confusion, but then he sees how you seem to shrink in on yourself.

he walks in and you both talk, and he asks multiple times if you’re sure that you’re okay.

after you finish eating, you reach over him to get his bowl to throw away, but before he even knows it, he’s standing and he’s got you in his arms, and everything feels so unbelievably right.

there’s nowhere else he wants to be now, because he has you in his arms, with his chin on your head, he can smell the perfume you were wearing from last night.

and it makes him think back;

choso’s 7 and he’s opening the door to see you, in your little pigtails and your yellow dress. you shine so bright, he’s reminded of the sun. He’s seven and he’s promising to wait for you.

He’s 9 and he’s playing house with you even though he hates that little house that his father bought him. He’s 9 and he’s your husband in that little plastic kitchen, watching you cook with a smile on his face.

He’s 13, and while he’d rather be playing football with his friends, but he’s sitting at their dinner table helping you understand your homework, since you’re scared of getting it wrong at school.

He’s 14 and he’s worried when you spend too much time in the bathroom, texting you to ask if you’re alright. He’s 14 and he’s buying pads and new clothes for you to change into to make sure you’re comfortable.

. He’s 18 and he’s letting you fix his tie for him, even though he knows how to tie his tie, but he lets you fix it anyway. He’s got a smile on his face and he’s aware that he probably looks like an idiot, but he likes how concentrated you are on this meagre task. Once you’re done, you pat him on the shoulder and he’s confused. He wants you to see how dapper he looks with the corsage pinned to his chest, him with his tie, the way his hair is done and his suit, but when he asks yuuji where you are, yuuji tells him with a confused look on his face that you’ve already gone home. He’s 18 and he’s unable to stop watching you with a smile on his face as you yell at his brother for eating your dessert, even though he’s got a girlfriend, and that you’ve always just been his little brother’s best friend.

but now, choso’s 22. and you’re 20. and he is finally starting to realise that he’s always seen you differently than to how he’s seen, say nobara. as yuuji’s best friend, and younger than him by two years, he understands that there will be more of a difficulty to be having the two of you together, as a couple. Not because of the age gap, which isn’t too much, but because of yuuji’s reaction, and the history that you’ve had between the two of you already. but he’s willing to try.

months later, you’re finally over the betrayal of ander.

with the support of your friends, and choso, you’ve managed to be better than you ever were.

choso has been great, recently.

he’s been spending loads of time with you, whether just hanging out and watching some of your favourite childhood movies again together, or studying together.

and you’ve finally realised, that you love choso again. well, to be more accurate, you never stopped, and it was more of a hiatus, but you are getting better in accepting it.

sometimes, when you’re a little bored, you dream of the idea of choso loving you too. you read too much into actions, and you blush when he does something sweet. and suddenly, the idea of him loving you back, doesn’t seem so farfetched. (THATS BECAUSE IT ISNT????)

it’s during a holiday of your second year of university, when it happens.

(starts and ends at the door. he opens when she knocks, and he stares at her in the yellow dress, that reminds him of the one so long ago, and he pulls her in to his arms in the hall of their house, and he just can’t let go.) “do you love me”

you’d woken up that morning with a strong desire to go lie by the pool, and by deciding to do so, you decide to go over to the itadori/kamo household to go enjoy the sun with yuuji.

you’re dressed up in your swimwear, and you’ve decided to put on a yellow dress, before you’re ready to go over to yuuji’s.

for once, the door’s locked for some reason, so you result to knocking and ringing the door bell. you stand there, waiting for someone to come open the door, when you hear choso yell out “hold on!” as there is a sound of someone sliding over to the door.

the door unlocks with a click, and he opens it to see you, and you can see the immediate change in his face.

at first he had an easygoing smile, the one he usually looks at you with, but for some reason, this time it dropped away to a dumbfounded look, where he seemed to be a little out of breath.

after a minute of him just staring at you, and looking you up and down, you ask him; “…choso…are you okay?” you ask him, a little worried. do you look weird? does whatever you’re wearing not suit you?

he seems to be having some sort of internal struggle, you just stand there awkwardly, a little worried, when he reaches for you and pulls you into his embrace, closing the door behind you. you stand in his arms, hands resting on his chest as he just stares at you.

“you’re beautiful, you know?” he tells you, pushing back a strand of your hair behind your ear.

the words make you freeze, and your heart is thumping in your chest like the rhythm of the tango.

"what?" you say, which is super suave and sooo slick and it makes him laugh a little, which makes you feel like you're glowing, just because you managed to make him laugh. it's always been like this. making him laugh or smile was a little victory in itself, and you could feel good for an entire day alone just from making him laugh.

his hand moves to rest on your waist, and he lets out a little sigh.

"this yellow dress." he sighs, with happiness , you think. he is toying with the fabric, rolling it over and over in between his fingers.

you look at him in confusion, trying to ignore the hammering in your chest. something similar is going on in ch

"it's the same one you wore on the first day we met." he finishes, letting out a small smile as he reminisces.

you try to think back to when you were 5, but you're unable to remember much, just remembering that you just basically pounced on choso. you can trace your admiration for him all the way back to then, and it makes you cringe. you should have been more nonchalant, but maybe being nonchalant really isn't your strong suit.

"oh. you remember?" you breathe out, rather raggedly as he stares into your eyes.

"i remember everything." he says, and you notice his eyes flicker to your lips, and then back up to your eyes. almost subconsciously, you lick your lips, wetting them, and his eyes flicker back down again. "i remember everything that you do." he continues, his voice low.

The house is quiet all around you, but if a bomb went off nearby, you probably wouldn't even notice, because all that matters right now, is choso. he is what is surrounding you, and he is what matters.

you feel some sort of dopamine rush that only ever appears when you're with choso, because he always just knows what you need, and that means right now, that he knows that you really, really need him to kiss you.

and so he does, because he's always ready to give you anything you need. the kiss is hot and heavy, and breathing isn't even on your mind right now, because choso completely occupies all your thoughts. he crushes you to his chest, his hand resting on the dip of your back, and your hands are clutching onto his shirt, scrunching it tightly.

his fingers grip on your jaw, not painfully, but enough to keep you firmly in place where he wants you. You're feeling like everything that has happened in all the years that you've known him has lead to this moment, because god, this is more than anything you've imagined before, because it's so much better.

his lips are soft, but they are still firm on your own, and you're kissing back with so much vigour, and your hands are in his hair and he's supporting you while you melt.

somewhere in the distance, you hear a door open and close, and some part of your brain is telling you that maybe you should break apart so you can breathe, but he's just pushed you up against the wall, and it feels way too good.

which is a bad decision, because the next thing you know you're hearing a loud "WHAT THE FUCK." from yuuji.

oh well. what better way to tell him?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: guys wtf this took so long im so sorry. i said i would have it out ages ago. help me. anyway here it is sorry it took so long! likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!! hope you enjoyed.

[s4ndg3m]

I wanna know ur wallmark divorce headcannons so bad

okokok. i had to type these all up separately so i could organize my ideas. i have like more in my head but they're hard to put into words so this is what you get

cw for alchoholism and general relationship issues. putting it all under the cut. remember these are just my headcanons and thoughts, nothing concrete.

General issues

Conflicting ideals on future life- Wallter being much more of a city guy, while mark prefers a rural setting.

Communication issues- Instead of talking things out they get accusatory and defensive, which means most talks end up arguments.

Further communication issues- They geniunely cannot understand the other half of the time. Wallter will attempt to be subtle in his communication, dropping hints instead of just flat out saying what he wants. Mark cannot pick up on these. Mark's direct communication sometimes comes across as rude and aggressive to Wallter.

General conflict- They have some shared interests, but there's also a lot of things that are important to them that they don't agree on. Like building materials, however silly that might sound.

Mark's issues

Alcoholism- Bit of A drunkard. He insists it isn't an issue but it is when it interferes with plans he and Wallter already had. "It would be weird if I didn't have a few with the boys after a job well done!"

Short-tempered- Which causes even more arguments over small things. (Def not physically abusive toward Wallter, even when drunk)

Abrasive personality- Mark would be more likely to make jabs or meaner jokes because he thinks everyone can take it. He wouldn't understand why someone would get upset over a joke.

He snores really loud- To the point where Wallter usually can't sleep. It builds tensions between them cus either Wallter is sleep-deprived or they never sleep in the same bed.

Dismissive- Wallter will ask/tell him about something that bothers him or something he wants as a gift for a holiday, but Mark usually won't listen.

Oblivious- Won't pick up on hints that Wallter drops, no matter the context.

Wallter's issues

Grey stuff. Wallter loves it, Mark loathes it. They argue over it.

Petty- Incredibly petty. Will make snide comments at Mark when he's upset about something.

Silent- He doesn't help at all with the communication issue, because he just flat out won't say anything! Until it's a big issue, of course. He might make hints but Mark cannot pick up on them.

Insistent on his own opinions- He will often push Mark to think like he does, instead of accepting their differences. It gets frustrating for Mark when he's constantly having to defend his thoughts.

Pretentious- Would absolutely try and take the moral high ground during arguments. He thinks talking in a level tone and not shouting means he's in the right, when really he's the one instigating most of the arguments.

Jealousy- I think he'd be the jealous type. He'd interrogate Mark about his friends and question his honesty often.

~~

I don't think there was one thing that caused the divorce, but a buildup of tension and frustration over the years of their marriage that was never managed. i think they both wanted it to work, even afterward, but neither of them are willing enough to see their issues and work on them. Even then, they kind of ruined the idea of a life with one another because of how horribly their marriage ended.

anyway these are just my initial thoughts on the two. enjoy!

[sastielsmanuscript-draft]

A sastiel finale confession would go hard because they'd totally kiss while Cas was taken away for extra drama

in my head, it would the same everything. The same buildup, setting, and emotions. Only difference is that instead of Dean, It would be Sam. And the confession would go a little differently. Cas would not only talk about how learning and exploring the earth has changed him, but Sam also changed him. In a way that he'll never forget. cas recalls the first time he met Sam and how he thought he was so dangerous and evil. How angel radio gossiped about the boy who was were to be demon king would kill everyone and everything its in path. How he was going to follow the exact timeline of events transmitted from angel general to angel soldier to now to Cas. But when he first met Sam, he wasn't like anything that the angels had talked about. He talks about how he observed Sam. How it was an order to keep him under wraps, to make sure the vessel doesn't do anything wrong. But as he did so, he saw that the vessel wasn't just a vessel. It was a whole being with its own thoughts and hopes and dreams. How caring and loving Sam was to anyone and anything. Except demons of course. Then he goes on that during that time he learned a lot of stuff while observing-turned-to-conversing with Sam. like emotions; a few emotions that he experienced that he didn't quite know until now. Which was embarrassment and regret (for thinking Sam was this monster, now that he reminisces. but he also experienced something he would never forget. something that would be at the back at his for forever. love. He doesnt say that though. Then season 5 happened, where sam was going down the path of sacrifice. He tell Sam how he didn't want him to go so bad, but Sam had made up his mind. And Cas accepted that...he just stood there and accepted that. He knew that it was wrong and oh so badly how he didn't want him to go. But Cas let go. Then when Cas had the chance to rescue Sam from the cage, he took that chance. He took the chance to make amends with Dean. he took the chance to do something that was his idea. He took the chance to make it up to Sam. To repent for letting Sam go like that. Even though Sam was soulless. Cas apologizes to Sam, saying that maybe Sam was larger than he thought. Playfully saying and laughing off the fact that Billie was banging at the door, yelling thats it times up for Cas. And Sam is at the door trying to buy more time for Cas, to help him before he goes. Sam is in a mix between sad and anger, trying to figure out what is Cas trying to say to him. Why is he confessing to him now at the moment. Cas continues to relay all the moments with Sam (or what there was since the writers never had them be in a scene for more than 10 minutes). Cas crying and voice faltering. He even thanks Sam for looking after Jack when he was gone. How he believed in Jack even when no one else did. Sam is still at the door still holding back Billie, now angry mass of almost liquid goop, still clueless. Sam responds in the most fake platonic way possible. he says that he enjoyed every moment with Cas, how every time he was with him, it felt so special and nice. like an angel watching over him. he says that he always believed and prayed to angels, but thought he never would get response. But maybe he did. and that response was Cas. thats when Cas confesses that Sam changed him. reiterating the first sentence he said. This time with tears and a fractured voice. he says Sam changed him and that he loves what he has become and the he loves...thats when it clicked in Sam's head at the moment. He calls out for Cas, saying his name in desperation. As if it might be the last. Cas says he loves Sam. They both stand in silence. The banging ceases. It was like the world had stood still in time. For them. Cas stand there, waiting for a response or reaction or something, He doesn't care, he wants to hear what Sam says. Sam is in distraught. Not because the person who is in front of him might just go to superhell at any moment right now. Well mostly that. But its the fact that an angel who hated him before, who then helped him and considered a friend, brother, and a little of

[screams-in-writing]

Fluff snippets again *yeets pillows at Mr. Puzzles with aggressive affection*

I’ve found I really like to write these, so here’s three more of them (1st is more of a one-shot):

16- needing their cuddles even though they have something else to do (1st pov)

I was about to break my promise to not drag Smg4 (or his crew) into another wonderfully wacky Puzzlevision adventure.

But oh, was I so very, very tempted to do it and face the consequences, but I held back such urges, knowing that such actions would more than likely ruin any progress I had made thus far. Any non-consenting participants in a show in my mind would surely not only upset you a great deal but would also destroy the tentative peace I’d made with Smg4 in particular. 

I knew I was on thin ice, and that everything I did was scrutinized with great prejudice. 

It chaffed, but I knew that such over the top precautions were a direct result of my previous actions, direct or by proxy. 

But one thing that I did not take well to was being told my ideas or plans were terrible and/or unoriginal. It took a lot of self-control I didn’t always have to be able to prevent myself from instantly lashing out in return. 

Calm. 

I had to be calm. 

I couldn’t let this latest…disagreement force me to break my promises. 

With great reluctance, I tuned back in to Smg4’s words as he lambasted me for the changes I’d made late last night to an episode script that, in my opinion, desperately needed it. 

Smg4 should be thanking me!

Why, I took time out of my day to help him when I didn’t have to! 

I was an expert on moving pictures! 

Why wouldn’t he value such feedback from one such as me, to help his ‘funny’ reach a wider audience!

…perhaps it shouldn’t have been made so last minute but I’d not heard of it being made until last night!

“I never told you that you could just change my episode plans!”

“Smg4?” At that, I finally cut in as smooth as could be. Seeing the unamused glare, I straighten by bow tie, acting as if I hadn’t just been practically scolded for the past ten minutes. “I believe that I made your episode’s script flow better for everyone involved. If it hadn’t been clear that those changes were needed, I wouldn’t have even bothered.”

“I also never gave you permission to even look at my episode scripts!” Smg4 shot back in exasperation. “What made to think you could just go on my office to snoop around in the first place?”

I was again distracted from listening to Smg4 when I saw that you, Boopkins and Tari gad just entered the castle. 

There. 

My possible escape from making another mistake that would more than likely ruin any credibility I had left, as well as completely shatter the minimal trust I’d since gained with Smg4 and his crew. 

With a swift motion, I ran away from Smg4 and  swooped in on you for a hug the moment the castle doors shut. 

“Whoa!” You laughed at my sudden, rather desperate need for a hug from you, and laughed even more as I was quick to bring you down to the floor with me. “Hello to you too.”

I wrapped my arms around you and even tangled our legs together, making my intention to begin an impromptu snuggling session right here on the floor in full view of anyone clear.

“Oh no you don’t!” Smg4 stomped over, waving the papers in his hand, exasperated. “Fix this script right now! Put it back to the way it was.”

“No.” I said simply in return, pressing my face into your shoulder to enjoy the static buildup from your clothing. “I refuse to get rid of an obvious improvement that you just refuse to see! It’s art! How can you not see that?”

Smg4 began to toss random items at me while Boopkins and Tari made themselves scarce to avoid getting drawn into the drama. 

How rude. 

Smg4 had to have seen that you were down on the floor with me, but seemed focused on getting me to ‘unfix’ his episode script. 

I covered you with my body to prevent anything from hitting you. In return, things bounced off the back of my head and upper back, to which I grumbled crossly at. It didn’t so much hurt as it was an irritant (and the flying projectiles did mean possible harm to you if I allowed anything to pass.

However, it had merely been a distraction as the arisen assault of pillows and other items gave way to Smg4 speaking in an eerily calm tone. 

“Mario, Mr. Puzzles took out the plate of spaghetti in an upcoming script and won’t change it back.”

The words made me freeze in place while you paused, then gave me what felt like a ‘sympathetic’ pat on the back.

Oh no.

“Give me back my spaghetti tv man!” Mario came out of nowhere to seize me by the ankles. 

I automatically clung to you in an effort to avoid being taken from you. But it was a useless endeavor with Mario involved, and you picking up on what was going on, which led you to letting go of me after patiently prying my arms off from the panicked hug I’d had you in. There was a brief look of betrayal on my face before it flickered into one of pleading desperation as I scrabbled my fingers into the floor beneath me uselessly. 

“Did Smg4 ask you to make changes to my script?” You asked, making some gesture at Mario to (somehow) make him pause his efforts in dragging me backward. 

“It needed the changes.” I said stiffly. Seeing your expectant expression, my digital eyes looked off to the side, technicolor smile a frown. “No, he didn’t ask.”

“Puzzles? Do you remember what we talked about last week?” You questioned curiously. 

“I…yes.” There wasn’t any way to defend myself in this situation because I did recall what you were hinting at. “Yes, I do.”

“You promised that you’d not make any changes to other people’s scripts without running it by that person first.” You told me, clarifying the specific conversation we’d had, as there had been more than one important one held.

“I recall.” I agreed, though I didn’t say aloud that I believed I could have gotten away with such an action in this case. If only Smg4 could just be made to see that I was very good at what I did, and that he could benefit from me collaborating with him. Or at the very least, allowed me to make tiny changes here and there to make things flow better, in order to offset the stupidity that might end up happening. Not seeing any way out, I fixed you with the most pathetic, despairing digital face I could manage.

“Oh, such cruel fate.” I mournfully began before I said your name. “How can you sit there and allow this to happen to me? I thought you said you loved me.” I lamented as dramatically as I could, while I clung to the open door to prolong my exit. “Farewell, my dear. I forgive you for leaving me to a fate I brought upon myself. Remember me fondly when you watch television or a movie, as I fear I may not survive this terrible soon-to-be act of being forced into undoing all my beautifully done and very much necessary handiwork.” 

I made certain to keep my screen facing you in order to let you knew I was merely teasing, and not attempting to make you feel guilty in any way, shape or form. 

It seemed you understood when I peeked over to you. 

“It’s not going to take all day, Mr. Puzzles. It’s just an episode script. Not a movie.” Smg4 shoved one of Puzzles’ gloved hands off of the open office door. That would be a much bigger problem and-“ 

“About that…” I shoot a guilty look your way, and drop my gaze at your disappointment. “I may have…done an overhaul to the entire thing?” I shrink behind the open door, forgetting Mario still held me by the ankles. I partially closed the door myself at the blank look on Smg4’s expression as he slowly took out his phone and made a call while continuing to stare at me. 

Before I knew it, I had Mario dragging me back across the floor of the main area of the castle to its front doors, which had just opened. 

Smg3 was waiting there, looking disgruntled at being called away from his cafe, until he laid eyes on me and my pathetic attempts to scramble away. 

“What’s this all about, scrub?” Smg3 asked, somewhat dismissively, despite the eager look in his red eyes. “You finally kicking out the tv freak?”

Smg4 emerged from his office to wordlessly hold out a larger stack of papers.   

“What?” Smg3 scoffed at the lack of words but took the paper to look it over anyway. Then a little quicker as his expression went from feigned disinterest to exasperation as he glanced down at me. “Are you stupid?”

“Maybe more misguided.” You called from where you’d moved to peer out the doors as Mario just tugged me outside. 

I eagerly perked up at your defense of me, until you spoke again. 

“But if that’s a movie script and he made a lot of changes? Maybe foolish optimism.”

“Why do you betray me so?” I said your name in a dramatic fashion as I dug my fingers into the ground to try to prevent the inevitable. 

“You asked me for advice and you decided to not follow it.” You rightfully pointed out. 

I hung my head, unable to argue the point while I was dragged across the showgrounds to 3’s cafe to ‘fix’ my own changes to an episode script and a whole movie.

17- resting head in their lap (2nd pov)

After an exciting day, you were ready to wind down for the night. 

With a tired groan, you crashed hard on the sofa in the house you shared with Mr. Puzzles at the edge of the showgrounds. 

It wasn’t an hour later that Puzzles returned home too, presumably done with his own work for the day. 

The tv headed man paused alongside the sofa to lean over, a soft smile on his screen. He lightly ran his fingers through your hair with a barely audible greeting, before he reluctantly stepped away for a short time. 

The bedroom, most likely. 

When Mr. Puzzles reentered the living room, you find that your guess is right. The man had come back with a change of clothes; soft, rather sleek and elegant pants and an even softer-looking sweater.

You stared at him, then sleepily reached out with your arms, making grabby-hands at the tv headed man, whose face flickered to an amused, if still soft, expression.

You only realized Mr. Puzzles’ plan when he approached the sofa and held your stretched out arms by forearms to help you to sit upright. When you stared in a confused manner, Puzzles’ technicolor smile grew. Humming softly, he sat down on the sofa before he lowered you carefully down to settle your head on his lap. 

You were a-okay with this plan, sighing happily  as Mr. Puzzles as he began to gently thread his fingers through your hair and along your scalp. 

The sensation of his fingers felt different today. 

You belatedly realize that Puzzles had taken his gloves off at some point, likely when he’s gone to change clothes. 

It was nice. 

You liked the touch of his robotic fingers scritching along your head and through hair with soft metallic-sounding clicks. 

Maybe he needed to oil up the joints? Could Mr. Puzzles even do that with the covering he had over those robotic fingers? Had you just never heard the sound his fingers made with the gloves off?

Or maybe you were sleepier than you realized. 

You definitely were quick to snuggle closer to wrap your right arm around Mr Puzzles’ lower back. This way, you could press your face into the tv headed man’s belly, feeling it quiver with silent mirth.

But Mr. Puzzles didn’t say anything. He only chuckled lowly in presumable endearment of the sight of you as he resumed to pet  through your hair. After a time, he moved on to your shoulders, slid his fingers down your upper back to middle, then repeated the gesture, each gentle motion of his hand drawing you closer to slumber. 

“Pleasant dreams, my dear.” Mr. Puzzles’ petting eventually slowed to a halt to lightly rest his hand against the back of your neck. “I’ll be here when you wake.”

18- leaning against them (2nd pov)

You were very pleased to be able to be able to have a whole entire week of vacation time, and Mr. Puzzles had been beyond delighted .that you were going to spend six of the seven days in his word. 

But the delight finished a little, as you’d had to make certain Puzzles understood that, while you planned to spend the majority of that time with him, you did have other plans in mind. 

Namely, exploring more of the world than just the showgrounds. 

This meant that, for some of the time you spent here, you’d be traveling with Smg1 and 2, for safety reasons. 

Smg3 & 4 could have helped, but, to put it politely, those two butt heads with one another at poor times, and it wouldn’t do for you to be in sudden danger and they didn’t notice until it was too late. 

Which was why, even if you weren’t exactly ‘spending time’ with. Mr Puzzles, you knew that he was going to more than likely follow at a distance. 

You don’t blame him for the worry. 

There was a reason you chose 1 and 2 as help, as once, a while back, you’d been hurt in this world before, and it had been clearly traumatic for him; you…actually didn’t recall to much of it, since it seemed your memory of the incident cut out when the accident occurred until you woke up and wondered why Puzzles was beside himself (almost hysterical) while a few others of Smg4’s group looked terribly upset. You felt that you’d have to ask at some point what exactly had happened…

“Hello.” Mr. Puzzles voice called out to you, breaking you out of your musings. The tv headed man joined you on the patio, and stood before where you were seated on the patio swing he’d found some time ago. “Fancy seeing you here, my delightful partner.” The tv headed man’s voice held a happy lilt as Puzzles leaned over, grasping one of your hands to hold up as he pressed the lower part of his screen to it. After leaving a lingering static zap of a kiss, Mr. Puzzles let go of your hand to sit down alongside you, his right leg bumping into your left. “Does this visit of yours perhaps include staying with me overnight a few times?”

“Hi.” You press into his side, feeling him happily wrap his right arm around your shoulders, while he to traced a few fingers down your arm to your elbow.  “I don’t know, what did I tell you over the phone?” A low chuckle, but no response, so you continued on. “Do you want to join me and Mario on an adventure in the middle of the night? Maybe we can go look for the watermelon man?” You asked in a joking manner, seizing Mr. Puzzles’ left hand with yours as his right twitched on your upper arm overthe plumber’s name.

“My dear…” Puzzles began, a low guttural dip in his voice as he leaned his head over to your level. But whatever he was about to say was cut off when you suddenly pressed the side of your head affectionately to his casing.

“Of course I’m going to stay overnight with my boyfriend.” You told him, sholding Mr. Puzzles’ hand tight while he turned his tv head to enthusiastically nuzzle you in return. 

“No leaving the window open.” Puzzles sighed, briefly halting his affections to let out a theatrical shudder, no doubt thinking of past incidents.

“No open windows.” You emphasize in agreement, giving his gloved hand a sympathetic squeeze as Mr. Puzzles resumed nuzzling your head. 

Neither of you wanted to wake up to Mario just…standing there again in your shared bedroom, just staring at the two of you sleeping, only for the Italian to BLJ out of there to avoid Mr. Puzzles lunging after him with incensed and scandalized noise. 

It had happened before. 

You secretly happened to have a short video sent to you by Mario of said incident, and saved it so that you could relieve it. 

Mario was weird, but he seemed to be invested in helping you compile photos and video clips of Mr. Puzzles (and yourself), which you were actually really happy to have with you when you couldn’t see the tv headed man for a longer period of time. 

[normalestenstars]

misc. things i found interesting from the form but didn't feel it was worthwhile to mention on the results post. long post warning

Counter for the amount of times a specific thing was said (For the record, not everyone filled out the optional questions. 67 people skipped the reasoning question, leaving 75 written responses) - Aira being a fan of idols: 6 - Midori depression: 4 - Some sort of comment about Tomoya being normal: 10 - I could meet someone like this IRL: 7 - Didn't do anything illegal: 2 - Variation of just some guy comment: 25

Favorite characters section - Almost everyone got at least one vote! The only ones who didn't receive any are: Makoto, Midori, Shinobu, Hinata, Leo, Jin and Akiomi. - Anzu (surprisingly, to me at least) got two votes! And to the person who wondered if she was placed after Mao because trick5tar, you are correct! They are her friends =) - Character who got 5+ votes: Niki (10), Shu (8), Mayoi + Ibara (7), Hiiro + Aira + Mika (6). Kind of interesting how Tatsumi is the only character missing from the alka lineup, receiving two votes in comparison. - I am surprised by the lack of Knights though. Are all the Knights fans just on different platforms 🤔? I guess tumblr is a relatively niche social media site though

Some passionate responses list

Adonis He’s just a really nice guy who wants everyone to be healthy and happy. He literally got engaged to someone on accident because he was too nice to them, and he knows sign language. He’s never done anything illegal (as far as I know), he’s not particularly eccentric in any way, he’s just chilling out and enjoying the company of his friends. Him being the most normal person in ES would be considered an insult to almost anyone else, but to Adonis it isn’t because he’s like the saving grace of the company.

Mao Don’t get me wrong, he’s a weirdo. But his weirdo behavior is balanced. He has a carefully constructed balance on the scales of weirdo and it hasn’t yet fallen over. It’s still precarious but slightly less so than the rest of these creatures. Go for it Mao!! Gain your normalcy if only by relativity!!

Aira Aira !! he's literally just a little fanboy. All he's doing is following his dreams. He has insecurities and he's working through them. The only-non normal thing about him is his insane knowledge about idols, but it's *normal* for him because of his obsession with them. ALSO!! ALSO Aira. Aira is just normal. He'd be chatting about idols and then someone would drop insane lore and he would REACT NORMALLY ("WHAT??! they did WHAT??! are you SURE??!") instead of just dismissing like half the cast would, I think.

Tomoya The buildup of his character is created around him being "normal". To me, his main quirk is that he is too good to be normal. Even at his worst moments, he is never hateful or unkind. Even with Eichi, who openly hastes him (Like in Sanctuary and in Grand Slam), who destroyed Nazuna's reputation and life in the past, he still is friendly and nice to Eichi. Wataru himself said at Sanctuary that Tomoya would never hate him, because he is too good for that. Even other kind and nice characters, like Hajime or Sora, have expressed anger and lasting resentment before, but Tomoya would never have such lasting animosity towards anyone. I chose him because his most wild quirk is something as subtle as that. Compared to other 'normal" ones like Midori and Kaoru, he can pretend to be normal, while the others eccentricities will shine through, since no one in this game is a healthy and normal person.

Passionate RYUSETAI essay (also I agree op re:shinobu 🤝) Midori is NOT normal. Put him in the near vicinity of Yuzuru or a cute mascot and he loses his mind. I think he's the only one I got upset over (even if I did raise an eyebrow at Tsukasa. No he's not, the boy likes his guns a bit too much)! I argue Shinobu is the most normal in Ryuseitai, as his quirkiness is not more intense than, say, Aira's or Tomoya's. Shinobu is the heart of Ryuseitai, taking the best parts of those around him. Much like Mao is for the student council, he is keeping all the strong personalities of his unit working together. Much like Kanata, he is perceptive of the emotions of others. Much like Chiaki, he values his passion so so much, keeping the ninja association going despite being the only member. Much like Nazuna, he doesn't let anyone step over him just because he is small and cute. More people need to know that under his childish appearance, he is quite mature as of ES!!. An argument for Tetora being the most normal can also be made, but even he has his moments. Glad to see everyone agrees neither Chiaki nor Kanata are normal.

[luminouslywriting]

Chapter 8 (Mastermind)—MOTA Fic

A/N: To everyone who celebrates Memorial Day, enjoy the holiday! Otherwise, enjoy the somewhat crack of a chapter that this one is—we've finally got some buildup in regards to Abe, so WHOO!! As always, let me know what you think!

True to her prediction the night previous, Ruth was up with the rest of the Red Cross girls, though she was the only one not sporting a headache from the night previous.  Quick to dress, quick to get ready, Ruth made her way into the Operations Room, finding everyone already hard at work. 

Harding tipped his hat at her.  “Weekend passes, huh?” 

“It was well-deserved,” Ruth stated firmly.  Her decision to go back to base and write up the said weekend pass report to Harding was one that she stood by.  Fighting with the Allies at a time such as this, when things were already tense and precarious in more ways than one—it was just plain stupid and she wasn’t about to put up with stupidity.  

“I imagine if you didn’t give them any further citations, that was your act of mercy for the night?” Harding questioned. 

Ruth glowered at his words for a moment before letting out a breath and coolly collecting herself.  “I’m not a damn angel of mercy.  I’m the hand of justice.” 

“If everyone in this base took their job as seriously as you take yours, this war would be won,” Harding let out a heavy sigh.  “You’re better at the math.  And you were clearly right about Bremen. How do you see this playing out?” 

Ruth glanced at the maps.  “Casualties will be high.  Not as high as Bremen—this area of Normandy isn’t as well defended as Bremen was, what with Bremen being so far inland.  All they’ll have to do is make it past the beaches to the submarine pan.  As far as I can tell, it’s the most logical of the targets you presented and I think the men will achieve the mission goals.  And where it’s a military installation, it’s fair game in the conduct of war.” 

A small smile crossed Harding’s face. “I knew you could be positive at times.” 

“The key word is ‘at times’, sir.” 

“How do you pass time, Lieutenant?” 

“Usually I run.  Sometimes I sit and I just wait.  Or I work on other paperwork that needs to be done,” Ruth answered.  “And given the fact that courts usually take a long time anyway, patience and I are old friends.” 

“Hmm,” Harding retorted.  “An interesting answer.  We’re caught up on paperwork for now.  Can’t you get yourself a hobby or something?” 

“Is this your way of saying you don’t need me in here, sir?” 

“Yes, lieutenant.” 

“In that case, sir, I have letters to write and read.  I’ll see you on the tower and then in the debriefs,” Ruth gave a salute and with that, her time in the Operations Office was done and over for the day. 

Harding was a simple man, and he seemed stressed out by her presence and desire to constantly be doing something.  He was the type of man who could sit back with a drink and relax.  Ruth, on the other hand, was certain that if relaxation existed, it had never met her before.  She hated idleness and hated being bored in any capacity.  

And any wait time was an opportunity to be doing something else. How else could she explain her scores back in school?  How else could she explain rising through the ranks so quickly?  She didn’t take time for anything else.  She was a straight laser-beam line to the finish and there was no stopping her when she put her mind to something.  And her mind was constantly at work. 

Walking back to the Red Cross Barracks, Ruth came into contact with the three letters that she had received the day prior—not that she had had any time to read any of them until now.  Glancing at the addresses, one was from John, one was from her mother, and the other was from Dick Winters—and considering that they had parted on good enough terms to still be friends, she was quite pleased with the fact that they had retained their friendship. 

Tearing open the first of the letters, she found John’s response to her last letter from a month ago short and sweet—as could be expected when it came to her tender-hearted and quiet younger brother. 

Dear Ruthie, 

Sometimes I’m convinced that the Navy are the ones trying to kill us.  We run drills a lot of the time and it certainly keeps me busy.  Thanks for the book you sent last time!  I’ve missed good books.  Things are going pretty well for the men in my squadron.  There are another three boys from New York, though we all vary in age.  Though we are all Yankees fans, so there is that!  

I can’t believe you broke things off with Winters!  I thought you liked him(?) It was really unclear, given the fact that you usually break hearts rather than get broken up with.  Wherever you ended up, I hope you’re liking your new base and that you’re wreaking justice and fear upon the men who come into contact with your glare of fury. I hope you stay safe and are doing well.  I miss you and I miss our family. 

All my love, 

Little John 

Oh, and PS!!  Are there any pretty girls on your new base that I can write to?  I miss talking to girls.  REAL girls, I mean! 

Ruth couldn’t help the smile that spread across her features.  Of course John would want her to find him a girlfriend.  And to be fair, Ruth was a skilled multi-tasker and John had always trusted her judgments when it came to girls.  Both he and Jonah did.  

She almost feared opening up her mother’s letter, though she was certain that she was going to find a lecture on morality on the other end.  Still, Ruth carefully opened up the letter, a frown tugging at her lips despite her best efforts to want to hear from her family. 

Dear Ruth,

Oh how we love getting your letters!  They fill us with such excitement!  Especially given the fact that you’re much more consistent about writing to your poor sweet mother than your brothers.  Sarah has indeed recovered from her bout with sickness and returned to work with me.  Her husband is taking such good care of her.  

Father and I are busy with the shop and the sewing business, though it would be much easier if you would just come home and help us.  You were always better with numbers than your father, dear.  We are proud of you and your work—but we wish you’d just come home already!However, your news of your soldier makes my heart warm.  I wonder what his hesitation is when it comes to asking you to marry him.  Is it because of your age?  Because I warned you that 25 was too old to be getting married!  

In other news, Alice is pregnant!  She’s expecting a baby with her dear husband and though I always pictured that my first grandchild would be from you, your father and I are so thrilled about the news! Mary is doing good as well, though she wishes you’d come home and spend more time with her. 

I also regret that I must tell you—two weeks ago, Abe ran away from home.  He was at school and then he was just gone.  I worry that he’s run off to join the military in some way and that we’ll never see him again.  Please pray for your brother’s soul and that he’ll be returned home in one piece to your father and I. 

I love you dearly, 

Your mother, Adaline Sharpe 

Sitting there in the barracks, Ruth just felt sick to her stomach as she stared at the end of the letter.  Abe—running away from home?  He was just 16—he was a child!  He shouldn’t have been trying to involve himself in the war.  But she wasn’t surprised—when the war broke out, he too had promised their family that he would fight and defend their people and their country. 

She wanted to be sick at the thought of Abe, young as he was, being torn apart by gunfire or bullets or something worse.  But no tears fell from her eyes.  Ruth choked back the sounds in her throat and she trained her gaze on the ceiling in the barracks.  

Dear God, take care of Abe and guide him somewhere safe.  Please? 

There was no miraculous light or indication that God had heard her prayer.  But she had faith that Abe was smart and that God would put him where he needed to be.  That was usually how things went, anyhow.  She wrung out her hands in front of her, a wave of nausea passing at the thought of her youngest and most precious brother.  From the minute he had been born, he had been hers.  Her baby.  Her boy.  And now he was just gone like smoke in the wind. 

Luckily for Ruth, she wasn’t given much time to reply to her brother or her mother—thoughts still racing.  The sirens on the tower began to blare and just like that, the men were back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You seem awfully down for someone whose advice helped a mission go rather well,” Jack Kidd approached Ruth Sharpe cautiously.  Since beginning to work together, he had learned that she had wicked wit and a great sense of humor—when the people she was working with were as focused as she was.  It was no wonder that Bucky Egan and herself didn’t get along very well. 

Ruth glanced up, almost seemingly lost in the music that the band was playing.  Due to the roaring success of the Sub-mission, the pilots of Thorpe Abbotts were throwing a party that rivaled some of the ones she had been at in Aldbourne. 

“It’s not that,” Ruth replied, finally taking a sip of her drink with a grimace.  

“It’s not Egan’s singing, is it?” Kidd asked, a grin slipping onto his face. 

Her gaze trained onto Bucky Egan, loudly making a show of singing Blue Skies along with the band.  “Certainly not, though it is rather off-putting to the average person.” 

“We told him not to sing.” 

“He doesn’t take orders well, I’ve learned,” Ruth retorted.  “But no, the attitude is actually about my younger brother.  He’s run away.  We think he’s going to join up with the military.” 

“Oh,” Kidd murmured, giving a nod.  “That’s too bad.” 

“He’s smart, he’ll be alright. I just wish he would’ve told us all.  I think my mother would prefer it if we all tucked into the nest nice and tight and never left home again,” Ruth admitted.  “Do you have a family, Kidd?” 

“Three sisters and a brother.  I’ve got a fianceé back in the states,” Kidd said.  “But my ma’ was similar.  Nervous wreck about me leaving home, though I’d been out of the house for years.” 

“Well cheers to you and I, making our mothers nervous, then,” Ruth raised a glass to him and the two of them clinked their glasses against each other’s.  After they had taken a few drinks, Ruth turned back to him.  “How do you put up with him?” 

“Him?” 

“Egan,” Ruth said, gesturing at the man dancing near the middle of the room. 

Kidd just let out a deep sigh. “With great amounts of patience.  Because if God gave me strength, Egan would be dead.” 

For the first time since coming to base, Ruth let out a genuine laugh, a grin crossing her features.  “Jack Kidd, I think you and I will be great friends.” 

Before he could respond to that, he was being whisked away by Harding to speak with someone about becoming Lead Navigator—and Ruth found herself wandering outside to look up at the sky.  

Sometimes, when it was just her—Ruth could murmur out prayers and real feelings about things.  She found it harder to do the longer she had been away from home.  She was worried that she was becoming just another stranger in a strange land—scouring through reports and trying to find some connection to any family she had left in Europe.  Trying to keep herself safe and away from people who would surely hate her. 

The sounds from within the mess-hall turned party seemed to get a little more rowdy and so Ruth took the time to trek out towards the fields, sinking into the dirt and letting the damp earth soak her nylons.  

It was secluded enough of a spot that Ruth felt entirely comfortable placing her hands in a prayer motion and beginning her prayer.  She thanked God for protecting John and Jonah, for helping Sarah get feeling better—for Alice’s new baby that was growing inside of her. Thanked God for allowing the men to come through the mission alright and prayed that those who had died had found peace. 

She prayed for Winters—that wherever he was and whatever his men were gearing up to do, he would be safe.  Prayed for her friends back home, and for her friends here.  Prayed for Tatty and for Helen, and for Florence and for Lana.  

But most of all, she prayed that this war would be over soon.  And that the hell that it had unleashed upon mankind would be wiped from the earth and never be allowed to be forgotten.  

So when the bombs filled the skies and she could hear the air raid sirens, Ruth just stood there for a moment, all logic deserting her.  Because in the skies and the smoke and the lights, she wondered what would be left when all of this was over.  Wondered what sort of mankind and humanity she would find under all of it. 

If there would be good people left, or if there would just be the hand of justice and those that had to meet it. 

Either way, Ruth wasn’t looking forward to what came next.  She trekked towards the bomb shelters, a heavy feeling settling in her chest.  God help us all—we’re going to need it. 

[marciaillust]

Hi!! This has probably already been asked but I can’t find anything on it. Do you have any plans to continue with the clockmaster?? I really enjoyed reading it and would love to see more of it if you’re wanting to do anything more with it!! No worries if not though, I just thought it was really funky and it made my brain happy :))

Hi!

Yes, The Clockmaster is absolutely gonna continue!

The reason I stopped making The Clockmaster is a series of events, the major one being that 3 years ago I suffered an arm injury that came with 24/7 chronic pain, which really took a toll on me and my relationship with drawing. For a period of time I couldn't create and after that drawing anything came with soul destroying pain which made it impossible to create new pages on a weekly basis. I am still dealing with it but after 3 years of physio and what not I am doing better than ever, and as you might have seen I'm even making comics again :)

I know the comic's been gone for quite some time but I have not lost any interest in making it. More than that, during my break I learned a lot about storytelling, making comics, making my process more efficient among many other things, so I'd like to think when TCM comes back it will be a delightful read haha! I hope the two bigass doujinshis I created during the break stand as a proof of that!

However, when it comes back The Clockmaster will definitely be released in a new format - I don't think I will be doing weekly updates anymore, I will be releasing it in chapters. Longer breaks, but each update will be a nice lengthy read. The main reason for that is that having created two whole comic books during my time away I learned I find it so much easier, more enjoyable and preferable to create and finish comics in their entirety prior to anyone seeing them. I think the doujinshis have much better pacing, the economy of storytelling comes into play big time, and the emotional buildups and payoffs land way better. I want that for The Clockmaster! I want it to be excellent! I want to see the whole dang forest and not just the trees :)

However, to be completely honest, the earliest Clockmaster will come back is winter 2024. The reason for that is so far my schedule is looking positively packed for the upcoming months. Firstly, I want to conclude the 2nd asoryuu doujinshi extravaganza and I predict the last orders will be sent out in March. After that I will be moving between countries. I don't want to disclose too much info about my private life but many things will change for me and things will be hectic at least until August if not September 2024. As I said, I want to release The Clockmaster in bigger chunks now, so the chunk will have to be drawn. That will take months. But it's coming back! Meet me here same time next year and Orion, Rosie and Garret will be right there with me!!

Lasty, to conclude this essay of an answer: Thank you for saying you enjoyed reading it. The Clockmaster is something very dear to my heart and even though I am creating it for myself there is this worrying voice at the back of my head that when it comes back noone will care, that it's been 3 years and everyone forgot, and that it's not fandom stuff so noone will give it the time of the day. But hearing you say you enjoyed reading it makes me feel that art is timeless in its ability to make people feel something and that I am capable of creating of art that does just that :)

[donnerpartyofone]

I don't know if I can completely articulate this so I'm kind of just piecing this together as I go, but it feels like a major component of right-leaning social attitudes is just contrarianism. I notice this whenever a popular musician becomes controversial for whatever reason--bigotry, stupidity, or maybe they just turned out to be a dick--and suddenly that artist enjoys a fresh burst of interest within the kinda rationalist, Nietzschean, libertarian-flavored neighborhoods of tumblr. I have an old friend (and actual old person) who really enjoys the performance of being a right wing asshole, even though if you get to know him he's really pretty liberal in most ways; he was an old time New Yorker and never had a nice thought about Trump, actually he was mortified when Trump became the republican candidate, but once he realized how much Trump pissed everyone off then suddenly that was his guy. He also tried to convince me that Halliburton was secretly this super responsible environmental protector, I couldn't possibly repeat what his justification was--and he really had no personal investment in environmentalism or the war in Iraq or anything, he just wanted me to feel like Halliburton was the victim of pinko lefty ignorance and that anyone who doesn't like Dick Cheney is just being a pretentious stick in the mud. I was reminded of this exchange during my brief experiment with following a bunch of tumblr people from the opposite side of the sociopolitical tracks, which more or less ended with a guy asserting that plastic pollution doesn't do any real environmental or biological damage and all the concern about it is just a typical liberal scam. And it's both true that the effects of e.g. microplastics aren't that well understood AND that recent studies have linked them to liver stress, cardiac events, and a bunch of other bad stuff...but setting that aside, I don't think it makes you a stupid hippie if you feel concerned about a relatively new phenomenon involving a continuous buildup of inorganic and essentially permanent material inside your organs. Even if you don't understand what the risks are now, I don't think it's dumb to wonder about them.

I don't know how I want to summarize this, I guess it's like a combination of a) the pleasure of pissing people off in general and b) being averse to any line of thinking that involves ethical cautions and self-control. And I mean, some amount of tire-kicking is good. It's good to have to check yourself, to notice if you're making a reasoned judgment or if you're just having a habitual emotional reaction. I think contrarians can serve a real social purpose in that dimension. But there also seems to be this urge to contradict just the basic idea that you should ever have to exercise some discipline or forego your own pleasure in the service of something more important. I think that's the fundamental thing a lot of these guys are responding to. I hear them make this diagnosis sometimes that boils down to "Don't listen to the lefties, they just want life to be hard for no reason," and that just sounds really desperate to me.

[cowboy]

journal #2

Good eve. :)

I've been in a strange way these past few days. I don't even know where to start seeing as this is seen by strangers who know nothing about my life, not even the mundane or simple things. but I'll just go into it.

This feeling I've been having of feeling like a tiger pacing in a cage has existed for years now and it flares up every once in a while. what does it feel like to let that pressure buildup go? is it possible to let it go? what would cause that pressure to burst and be freed? is this feeling eternally subconscious-to-conscious-to-subconscious-again? as in, i feel like it comes and goes but always exists. does it ever truly, truly leave? what does it mean to feel free, or cageless, anyway?

do y'all even know that feeling i'm talking about? lmao.

i have been going crazy over this crush for way too long and that's definitely adding to my feeling. i feel absolutely tied to a crush when i have one; i become addicted to the sensation of being near them and i forego so many of my desires and needs for them.

i came back home the other day to a messy room for five days in a row and only today could i clean it. i'm actually also realizing i haven't had my meds for a month now and i think that's really adding to this feeling and these actions (or... lack thereof).

anyway, i made a hinge profile this morning and i quickly realized how much i enjoy being found cute! it usually makes me feel really nervous but the separation of an app/ability to just swipe left or whatever made me feel more in control. to be clear, i hate that i enjoy it so much. i feel very vain in that sense -- i suppose it's human, but i'd like to think i don't need/want to be found attractive. oh well. i do i guess. not sure if that's something i should like... fix.

hinge both helped and did not help at all with my crush. i've been able to realize there's attractive funny interesting people out there that my crush tunnel vision was distracting me from, so i feel a lot less tethered to my crush. on the flipside, i realized so quickly that the type of person i am really truly fully attracted to at the moment doesn't exist, because it's just my crush. i just want someone exactly like him because i just like him so much. Lmaoooooooooo.

i'm also feeling stuck on this one art piece i'm making for my now-ex-but-still-bestie -- here's a pic of all the drafts i made of it:

that pic is missing one; four drafts total exist.

here's a close up of the most completed one:

plus my stupid looking goose ass. (my eye is red and irritated rn.)

it says "isn't it funny that we're here and not there?" i liked this concept for a while but now i am sick of it after drawing it three times and i feel like the message is boring to me now. i wanna draw something new, but i haven't properly set aside the time to develop any novel concept that would be appropriate as a gift for my friend.

anyway, i'll try to figure that out. what i'm more interested is -- do you feel like you get anything from this image, emotionally or intellectually? does it interest you at all whatsoever? what do you think the meaning is behind this piece, if any is notable at all? (i like it when people form opinions or theories behind the meanings of my pieces, so anything is valid 100%.)

also, would anyone be interested in purchasing one of these original drafts from me for like $10 or $15? again, i'm seeing if i might dip my toes into selling my art online so any feedback is helpful. hehe.

i'll end here. i have some more to post -- i'll be posting a little sketch comic draft of "notes on having a crush" and maybe people can find those relatable or what have you.

i hope everyone's having an excellent day. i am having a good one myself, despite that strange feeling of being pent-up and unresolved. :)

[theeeveetamer]

Okay but if each Blue Lion had one Allomantic power and one Feruchemical power, what would they be?

(no this is not me trying to bully you into continuing the series wdym 😇

Hello everyone here's the part of the night where I am forced to reveal that I occasionally read books (mostly when bullied these days) and Hapi here decided to bully me into reading Mistborn. So if you're wondering where I was from about late December to early January, I was reading three 700 page books before my semester started and my will to enjoy words written on officially published pages evaporated

Good series (only read Era 1 because I physically could not fit Era 2 into that timeframe but you know) would recommend. 8/10 cool world excellent buildup lovable characters, needs more gay and women and women gays

So uh anyways, Blue Lions? Blue Lions. Been a while since I talked about 3H anyway! I'll probably just pick the metal to associate with them instead of dividing it up between allomantic and feruchemical powers

Dimitri: Definitely a Pewter boy. It just fits with his canonical strength thing he's got going on

Dedue: Copper boy. Lowkey and not necessarily seen as super important to the team, but arguably the most important person on the team. Also, storing memory could be a wealth of angst if you wanted!

Sylvain: Sylvain is kind of hard for me. He doesn't really scream one particular metal like most of the rest of them. I suppose bronze is the one that sticks out the most? (I know they don't all have to have different ones but I think it's more fun if they do).

Felix: Zinc boy, to honor his uncanny ability to piss people off :) Just look at him.

Ashe: He's a tin boy. IMO having the sharpened senses makes sense with his backstory of living on the streets.

Ingrid: I guess I'll give her steel, mostly because you can store speed with it and that just calls to me with Ingrid for some reason.

Annette: Which means Annette can have iron, mostly because I think it'd be funny to watch her accidentally send things flying around.

Mercedes: Brass girl. She just seems like the best candidate for emotional soothing, and there's something kinda cute about her being able to store warmth

[gayleviticus]

8 years after watching the TV ending of FMA 03 for the first time, I finally watched Conqueror of Shamballa for the first time. Tbh I was a little scared of what I’d find – fma 03 was a super special series to me back in 2015, but rewatching it the TV ending felt way more inconclusive and unsatisfying than I remembered.

I knew what would happen in Shamballa from years of scrounging through tv tropes entries and Wikipedia plot summaries, but I didn’t know what it would feel like in practice. I needed something that fulfilled the melancholy, dark, emotional, but hopeful promise of the series. I needed angst and loss and sadness, but not grim-darkness and cruelty just for the sake of it.

Thankfully, I enjoyed Shamballa on the whole. Now, to be sure, it’s undeniably very, very messy. Unlike, say, End of Evangelion or Madoka Rebellion it doesn’t feel like a movie except perhaps towards the end; the new characters introduced like Alfons, Noa, and Eckhart are more interesting thematically than because they’re afforded any particular depth, and the plot mechanics aren’t especially well-crafted (but granted this has always been the case for 03).

It feels like there’s also a ton of incredibly character dynamics they could milk but just don’t have room for – how did it feel for Ed to live with someone who looked so much like his baby brother but just wasn’t the same person? How did Winry feel being left behind forever by her best friends after being locked out of the loop for so long? How did Al losing his memories of the past 5 years and embarking on a quest to bring Ed back shape his relationship with everyone else in Amestris? Did Ed feel guilty that Al ended up throwing his whole life in Amestris away to come be with him on earth? There’s just so many possibilities this movie throws out that could have been explored, and emotional beats (like the brothers reuniting!!) that aren’t used to their full potential.

These are all pretty noticeable flaws. But I also kindve think… it doesn’t matter that much? Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to see an actual proper 13-episode second season fleshing out Shamballa’s boatload of cool ideas, but I think there’s something just as captivating about the huge range of possibilities the movie can’t possibly hope to contain. There are plenty of stories I’ve experienced that do an objectively better job of fleshing out their characters, but it's like… well, you’ve already exhausted their depths. There’s not much left to mine. 03 + Shamballa might not use its characters to their maximum potential, but I think it’s impressive it creates such a firm foundation for its characters that they have that kindve potential in the first place?

(On that note this just makes me curse the fact the 03verse in general has been so neglected by FMA fans even more, bc it just feels like its begging so much for fans to plug these gaps and analyse and dissect and headcanon these characters? But anyway)

Something I was a little torn about at first was the ending – it was more satisfying than TV 03’s awkward mix of open-ended sadness with sickeningly saccharine optimism, but I couldn’t help but feel this awkward sense of hollowness. It was tragedy on the brink of cartharsis, but not quite there. I wanted to cry and mourn everything the Elrics had lost, I wanted angst and conflict between the two of them, I wanted to experience the weight of everything they’ve gone through.

But after thinking about it, I realised that the thing about Shamballa is that it’s not about pain, as such, but specifically ache, and loss.

Doomsday, a Doctor Who episode that aired about a year after Shamballa, is a similar tragedy of people separated forever across parallel world. But it’s a very different type of pain – it’s sharp, acute, sudden. It’s having someone you loved so much so deeply snatched out of your life with no warning, no buildup, barely any chance to say goodbye.

Superficially, Shamballa is similar. In the chaos of Eckhart’s invasion Ed and Al disappear forever into the other side of the gate. But I think it’s very different in that the Elrics aren’t really leaving a specific person behind?

Of course, there’s Winry, and obviously it must hurt for her to lose her best friends since childhood so suddenly. But even then, her life goes on. She loved them so much, and she’ll always remember them – but she’s not a widow sitting at home mourning the death of her husband in the war. She has friends, she has family, she has her career as an automail engineer. Life goes on for Winry. It hurts, but it’ll go on.

Aside from her – well, Izumi’s gone. Rose was friends with Al but didn’t really know Ed. Mustang’s crew clearly care for the boys, but I think for the most part their relationship in 03 is relatively professional. In the end what the boys are cutting off isn’t any individual person in particular, but their past.

And so what Shamballa is about isn’t the sharp, shocking pain of losing a loved one, but the dull, heavy ache of grieving your past. As Ed says at the end, Earth is their world now – not Amestris. They’ve resigned themselves to losing their past, to leaving behind the childhood world of miraculous alchemy and friends and carving a path in the here and now.

It’s the pain of mourning a past that can’t come back, the people you once loved who just aren’t in your life anymore, the innocent childhood you’ll never be able to reclaim. The brothers who once tried to reclaim their stolen innocence through resurrecting their mother have made their peace with living in the here and now – and though they’ve finally found happiness, and paid the price for their original sin, they’ll never forget everything it took to get to this point.

It circles back to what Ed told Rose all the way back at the beginning. Stand up and walk on your own two legs. Keep moving forward. Fight against tragedy, but remember that you cannot rewrite your own past.

The Thule Society and Noa mistook Amestris for Shamballa – a perfect world, a homeland – in their longing for heaven. But no such promised land exists. There’s only the here and now. The Elrics give up their longing for something they never had, accepting heaven is lost, and find their home in themselves.

[dragonsdomain]

Out of Office, chapter 1

I’ve decided to start an Underworld Office longfic despite knowing the fandom is small and that I have never written a longfic before. Been working at it for some time now and have only now gotten it together enough to post it. Hope you enjoy! (Also if you do read it, say hi! There aren’t many of us Underworld Office fans.)

This chapter is mostly buildup, with Eugene struggling with his whole morality crisis while Charlie is generally angsty and Luke, Joy, and Oliver worry about Eugene. Set a couple days after the Charlie in Underworld “Charlie and Eugene” ending. Also on Ao3.

Station 00 is approaching. Please stand clear of the doorways.

The subway pulled to a stop at the station, doors sliding open. Eugene was the only one who got off there.

The place that used to be the station of the underworld office was silent, deserted. Bright yellow caution tape was strung across the entrance to the stairway and back and forth in front of piles of rubble. Eugene ducked under the tape and quietly stepped into the underworld office (or the information center, as it'd be known to the living).

Cracks splayed across the windows, but otherwise, the place was exactly like Eugene remembered it being for years. Except empty. Completely, horribly empty. Devoid of any form of life or death. It was still hard to comprehend what had happened just a few days ago.

Eugene walked over to the lost and found cabinet, his footsteps echoing loudly in the silence. He put a hand on the door, but didn't find the strength to open it. He already knew what was inside. Hayden's hat, unneeded by him once he decided to leave the office for good and stay with his family. Joan's cane, with her and the ghost she'd killed trapped inside for an indefinite amount of time. Boss's charm, which held many evil spirits inside, which he'd left behind after realizing he didn't need to guard the spirit door anymore and leaving. And then the braided lock of River's hair, left behind when she passed into the world beyond. Gone forever.

Eugene slid down the cabinet's door, sitting down at its foot and leaning against it. He felt so tired. He had no idea how he was going to take care of things all on his own now. Why did they all leave? Why did River feel so content passing on? Why did Boss put such an effort into keeping them all there only to leave as soon as he decided he could ditch his responsibility?

Eugene's eyes started to sting. What made Joan think that man she'd killed years ago needed her more than everyone who was still here, still alive? Why did she leave Eugene all alone? And what about Hayden? Was working with Eugene in the underworld office really so hard that he never wanted to see him again?

Eugene coughed to try to clear his throat and wiped at his eyes. The tears just kept coming though, and he couldn't stop the thoughts either. Was being with him really just a part of River's prison? Was she happier in the world beyond now that she didn't have to worry about protecting him all the time?

"Ugh." Eugene held his head in his hands and tried to will himself to calm down. Mostly by repeating a mantra of calm down, calm down in his head, which possibly helped a little bit, but probably didn't, since he was still choked up and feeling thick in the head. "Come on..." he whimpered, begging his brain to get ahold of itself. It had always been nice to have River or Joan to talk him through things when he got like this before. Maybe that was harder for River than he'd ever realized. Maybe that was what she was glad to get away from. He'd thought he was finally doing something meaningful, but turned out he was still just as much of a burden as he'd ever been.

There was a crash of glass shattering on the floor. Eugene's head flew up. A man with a large scar across his face was standing outside the door, looking in surprise at a piece of glass which had broken off of the cracked door and shattered on the floor.

"Oops," he said. "Haha, not a very solid door, huh?" The man winced. "I'm sorry. Will that cost me?"

Eugene stared at him for a minute, trying to get his thoughts together.

"...You alright?" The man tentatively opened the door, wincing as another piece of glass fell loose. "I'll pay for it."

"Augh, no. Sorry. It was already broken," Eugene wiped at his eyes, hoping he didn't look too horrible.

"Oh, thanks." The man slid the shards of glass against the wall with his shoe. He cleared his throat. "Should I come back later? I understand if this is a bad time."

"No, it's alright. I'm here anyway. What do you need?" Eugene jumped at the chance to be pulled out of his thoughts.

"Okay, so... is it true that this place has a history of the um..." He looked around, then whispered "...paranormal?"

Eugene leaned back. "Yes." He'd tried to keep things on the down-low, but he never wanted to lie to people.

The man looked down, uncomfortable. "There's actually someone I've been wanting to talk to, um, someone dead. If that's possible. Her name is Charlie."

Eugene sucked in a breath, his eyebrows flying up. "Died at about 17? About yea tall?" He put up a hand.

"Yeah!" The man perked up. "You know her?"

Eugene ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Well, yes, but... I'm afraid your timing isn't great. I don't know where she is right now."

The man wilted. "Ugh. Guess I should've known it wouldn't be so easy."

"I can't promise anything, but if I see her again, I could ask her about you. What's your name? And how do you know Charlie?" Somehow it hadn't occurred to Eugene that people from Charlie's life could still be alive.

"I'm Mike. I knew her during high school... something happened and..." Mike looked away. "I don't know. I want to talk to her about it if I can."

Eugene raised an eyebrow. Charlie still hadn't told him much about what she'd remembered from her past, so he mused about what Mike could be talking about. "Okay, Mike. If I see her again, I'll mention you."

Mike chuckled nervously. "Thanks." He turned to go, cringing again at the sight of the door.

"Wait, Mike, one more thing," Eugene stopped him. "How did you hear that you could get help with the paranormal at this station? I thought that was pretty private knowledge." Among the living, that is.

Mike glanced back, then looked away. "It... might sound weird. But I had a dream about it."

"A dream..." Eugene gazed into space thoughtfully.

"Well, anyway, thanks for your help." Mike paused as it looked like he realized something. He dug a business card out of his pocket. "Here's my number. Call me if you find out anything."

"Oh, right." Eugene took the card. "I'll tell you what I find out."

Mike flashed a smile and a thumbs-up, then he gingerly opened the door and stepped outside.

Eugene took a deep breath. "...A dream, huh?" Who would give him a dream about the underworld office?

...

Charlie sat in the graveyard, leaning against someone's headstone. It wasn't hers. She'd searched around to see if hers happened to be there, but really she didn't think she'd died in this town anyway, so she wasn't surprised to not find it.

Charlie groaned at the sky. It wasn't raining, but the layer of gray clouds made everything look gloomy, like she felt. Why was it that she just appeared and then managed to drive away every ghost who showed any interest in helping her within a few days? Of course it could be argued that none of that was technically her fault, but c'mon, who is she kidding? Her showing up was the only thing that changed before suddenly the whole underworld office fell apart.

She opened and closed her scissors with the satisfying sounds of metal against metal. Eugene was probably all depressed now because of her. He was probably mad at her too. Ugh, who wouldn't be? Classic Charlie, messing everything up just by existing.

She snipped off the head of a nearby dandelion. She'd thought about it, and it didn't seem like there was much she could do at this point but leave Eugene alone. I mean, maybe she could go and... what, apologize? She'd never been very good at that, as evidenced by the way she'd soundly ruined her life. Whether or not her father had been right in the way he treated her, the title of a bad daughter was definitely one Charlie deserved.

Charlie gave an overdramatic sigh, then felt annoyed that no one was there to hear it. Being ignored was the worst. Maybe she should just go confront Eugene even though he was probably mad at her. Anything was better than just being alone, wasn't it?

After jumping around for a minute in a failed attempt to learn how to fly, Charlie grumbled and then stalked off towards the subway station.

Charlie wasn't sure exactly what her plan was as she slipped between the living people at the train station and boarded. She only really put in the effort to realize that it was stupid to expect Eugene to be at station 00 right now after she had already stowed away on the train. Maybe he was at home. Or maybe he was actually injured from the explosion and was at the hospital. Or maybe he was off knitting with his gramma, she didn't know!

Charlie stashed her scissors between two seat cushions then took advantage of the fact that none of the mortals could see her to splay herself melodramatically across the subway floor and moan. It did help her feel a little better. Maybe overdramatic expressions of weirdome were healthy or something. Therapists would be interested to know.

Charlie pulled herself up and jumped around trying to fly again until the train pulled to a stop and she fell over. Station 00, please stand clear of the doors.

Charlie grabbed her scissors and walked right up to the door. It opened, and she casually-- jumped to the side in a frantic motion because Mike himself walked straight through the door.

"Nope," Charlie said to herself, then dashed out the door and away from Mike.

She wandered over to the wrecked-looking underworld office room and was surprised to find Eugene there, sitting against the wall before a poorly-cleaned-up spray of glass shards. He looked like he'd just had a whole crying angst-fest. Weirdo weak baby. Or, um. Ahem. She should probably try to be more empathetic.

Anyway, he was also sitting there all humanly, so that was a little frustrating.

Charlie walked through the door to stand in front of Eugene and started swinging her scissors around in his face. He startled and scrambled up away from them. "Ack! Charlie? Be more careful with those!"

Charlie rolled her eyes, though ended up paling as she remembered the horrible accident with Mike. She definitely did need to be more careful with her scissors, actually.

"I thought you'd left..." Eugene said absently, looking at Charlie's scissors. "You have your scissors. You don't need to stay."

Charlie rolled her eyes. "Leave your body, idiot, then we can talk."

"Sorry," Eugene said, almost like he'd heard her. "I'll head home now, then I can leave my body and talk to you."

Charlie cocked an eyebrow. "Great timing. The subway literally just left."

Eugene stepped carefully over the glass and found a seat on a bench in front of where the subway would stop. He checked that Charlie's scissors were still following him as she sat down on the bench beside him.

She rested her chin on her hand. "You're gonna have to teach me to fly at some point. Man, would've been cool to learn from River though. She was fast."

Eugene didn't answer, obviously. If he was mad at her, why wasn't he saying anything? Was this something Eugene did that she didn't know about yet? Give people the silent treatment when he was upset? He'd talked to Boss...

At length, the subway came. Charlie sighed, then stuck her scissors in Eugene's shirt pocket. He jumped, looking down at them in surprise. He looked around himself in confusion, then got on the train with Charlie following unseeable behind.

Eugene sat like a normal person as the subway chugged along. After a minute a middle school girl walked up to him and they chatted for a while while Charlie hung off of the bars making bored sounds.

At long last the group reached Eugene's stop and Charlie bounced anxious circles around Eugene while he walked to his apartment. At the glorious moment of truth, he lay down on his bed and put the guardian flower in his mouth.

Eugene woke up to Charlie bemoaning the pain of waiting. "uuUUUUUUUHH-- oh finally!" She stood up straight from the position she'd held splayed across Eugene's desk chair. "That took forever."

"Heh, sorry..." Eugene handed Charlie back her scissors. "Why did you let me hold your scissors?"

"Wha? Oh, I just didn't want to freak out the train people by floating scissors around." She rolled her eyes.

"You really trust me with...? Oh, nevermind." Eugene looked Charlie up and down, taking in her dark body again. "Why did you come back? I thought you were anxious to leave as soon as you got your scissors."

Charlie shrugged. "Being alone is boring." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you mad at me?"

Eugene stared. "For what?"

"Uh, duh? For ruining your life??" Charlie waved her hands helplessly.

Eugene frowned. "I missed the part where you 'ruined my life'."

"Ugh, well, fine, whatever," Charlie batted the topic away. "Glad you're not mad at me, I guess."

Eugene took a seat on the side of his bed beside his body (beside himself, hehe-). "Yeah. None of what happened was really something you can be blamed for. Anyway, since you're here, there's something I want to talk to you about. Someone came by the office today--"

"Uh oh," Charlie mumbled. Don't be Mike, don't be Mike...

"He said his name was Mike."

Charlie threw her scissors onto the carpet.

"Woah, are you okay?" Eugene put his hands up defensively, or maybe to try to calm her down.

"Yes! No! Ugh-- I dunno!" Charlie gripped her hair. "AUGH! I know I should talk to him, but I don't want to!"

"Why not? What happened between you two?" Eugene stood up, stepping towards her cautiously.

"You wouldn't get it!" Charlie said. She started pacing. "Ugh, can we just not talk about it?

"Well... okay," Eugene said. "Why did you come to me then?"

"Can we just do something normal? Like do a patrol or something? I'm so bored." Charlie collapsed into Eugene's chair.

Eugene cringed. "No, sorry. I'm actually going to meet my friends pretty soon, so I can't."

"Ugh," Charlie flopped backwards dramatically. "Being a ghost is boring."

Eugene shrugged. "You could go on a patrol yourself. Or make some friends."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "And how'd making ghost friends work for you?"

Eugene flinched, and she regretted what she'd said pretty quickly. He stared at her for a second, then said quietly, "Maybe it'll be good for me to spend some time away from you." 

"Okay, whatever," Charlie said, looking away. "Have fun with your human friends."

Eugene ignored her rather pointedly as he lay down in his body and woke up. He stood and left the room, leaving Charlie alone.

...

Luke glanced over at Eugene in concern. Joy and Oliver were chatting happily, but Eugene had been pretty quiet this whole time. Where everyone else's sodas had almost been all consumed, Eugene's was nearly full. Luke tried to catch his eye, but Eugene seemed lost in his head.

Luke elbowed him. "You alright, Eugene?"

Eugene jumped, then sighed. "I don't know. A lot has happened recently."

Joy leaned over. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Eugene looked torn. "I don't know. I... no. It's fine." He didn't look like he believed that.

Luke felt frustrated. Why wouldn't Eugene talk about it? He knew better than to push though.

"It has to do with the station getting destroyed, doesn't it?" Oliver asked. "Did something big happen with your work?"

Luke pushed Oliver. "Hey, he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to."

Eugene hesitated, then muttered, "Something about that." His eyes dropped down to his soda cup.

"Really?" Oliver snorted. "You have some crazy business happening with your Eugene-ish stuff. I wish I knew more."

Luke glared at him. Did he understand the concept of subtlety? Oliver caught his evil eye and only looked confused.

Eugene shook his head. "No, you don't." He drooped. "It's probably better that way. Maybe it would've been better for me too."

Luke glanced at Oliver and Joy, seeing they shared his concern. "Haven't you been working there for years? I thought you liked it."

Eugene curled in on himself, and Joy took the tipping cup from his hand before it could spill. "I liked the people there," he said wetly.

"The people?" Luke sat up straight in alarm. "Like Hayden? Did something happen to him?"

"Guys, I don't..." Eugene curled down, back, and Luke suddenly noticed that Eugene was surrounded. Luke slipped away off of the bench, and it was like a gate had been flung open. Eugene sprung to his feet. "I should go. I think I need some time to think."

"You sure? I mean, we don't have to talk about things that make you uncomfortable. We could just hang out, couldn't we?" Joy said worriedly.

"No, I'm..." Eugene backed away again. "N-not now. Sorry." He turned stiffly and hurried off.

The three watched him walk off. "Should one of us go after him?" Oliver asked tentatively.

"No," Luke said, with more harshness than he'd intended. He winced, then looked back at Joy and Oliver sadly. "Come on, guys. I thought you knew not to pressure him like that."

Oliver's eyes widened, and Joy hung her head abashedly. "Luke, we're..." Joy took a level breath, then met Luke's gaze again. "We're just worried. There's something going on in Eugene's life, and we want to help."

"He'll tell us when he's ready!" Luke reprimanded. "You can't push him!"

Joy's gaze softened for a second. Then it hardened again. "Like he's told us about what goes on at his job?"

Luke opened his mouth to counter, then shut it again. He had nothing to say to that.

"Just yesterday, he was caught in an explosion," Joy stated. "And we don't know why. Except that it had something to do with his job."

"It's not our place..." Luke trailed off as he remembered what Eugene had told him years ago. That his job was dangerous, that it might even kill him.

"As his friends, isn't it our responsibility to do what we can to make sure he's safe?"

Luke looked down.

Oliver tilted his head. "What do you mean? What are you suggesting?"

Joy looked the way Eugene had left and folded her arms. "I'm not sure yet. But we have to do something. If Eugene won't tell us what's going on, we'll have to find out ourselves."

"Spying?!" Oliver exclaimed, looking a little too excited.

"What? No!" Luke burst in. "What's wrong with you? We can't spy on our friend!"

Joy slapped a hand over Oliver's mouth. "That's not what I said, okay? We don't have to spy. We probably have enough information already that we could figure out a lot of things just by sharing info."

Luke frowned. "I don't like it."

"We don't have much of a choice," Joy said. She looked down. "It does feel weird. I know. And it's not ideal. But imagine if Eugene had been hurt in that explosion. We've waited too long already."

"I get it," Oliver said. "He won't like it, but it might be what's best for him anyway."

Joy and Oliver looked to Luke.

Luke avoided their gazes, trying to think. This didn't feel right. He treasured the trust Eugene had for him, and he didn't want to lose it. But what if being too much of a pushover made him lose him? Joy was right. Something about Eugene's work was dangerous, and for all they knew, it might get worse.

"Okay," Luke said, not looking at Joy as she perked up. "Fine."

"Thanks, Luke." Joy gave a relieved sigh. "I don't think we could do it without you. You know Eugene better than anyone."

Luke felt a stab of guilt. Was he really doing this?

Oliver checked his watch and cringed. "Actually, I've got to go right now. Can we do this another time?"

Joy sighed. "Alright, fine. Tomorrow at the latest."

...

Eugene lay down on his bed, guardian flower in his mouth. He wasn't so naive that he could really believe it, but he could almost imagine himself waking up as a ghost to be greeted by River or Joan, Hayden or Boss. That wasn't realistic though. They'd all moved on, one way or another.

Hopefully Charlie was gone by now. He didn't want to try to talk to her at the moment.

Eugene closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was still alone.

Eugene habitually started flying towards station 00. After a minute or so, he stopped, realizing that he didn't have reason to go there anymore. There would be no one waiting for him.

"It's weird having no one to talk to," Eugene muttered to himself. Would talking to himself be weird? Hadn't he done it all the time when he was young? There was no one around to hear it anyways.

Eugene squeezed his arms. No, talking to himself didn't feel right. He didn't want to remember those days. This was too quiet.

Eugene flew off towards Sean's flower shop. Hopefully he'd be able to find the friendly ghost there (at least Sean hadn't left him). Alone, the ghost world seemed much gloomier than it usually felt. So quiet, so grey. Though maybe the quiet was a good thing? It meant no monsters were wreaking havoc, probably.

Distractedly, Eugene tried to slip through the wall of the flower shop, ending up konking into it. He bounced back, surprised, til he remembered that the lock of River's hair was still around the door, preventing ghosts from phasing into this building. He chuckled, then felt a stab of loneliness at how there was no one to laugh with him.

Eugene went around to the front door and tugged on the handle. Locked. Made sense. It was nighttime, after all.

So did this mean he should just give up? No talking to Sean for tonight? Maybe. It wasn't a big deal, it shouldn't be. Eugene used to be able to deal with being alone just fine. Mostly.

Eugene found himself staring at the coil of River's hair around the hinges of the doors. It had remained when she'd passed on. He absently wondered if ghosts always left behind their artifacts when they passed, if there were a bunch of them lying around the world, but he didn't really care about the answer.

"Eugene?"

Eugene jumped. Sean was on the other side of the door.

Eugene sagged. "Sean, hey. It's good to see you."

Sean clicked open the lock and pushed the door open softly so Eugene could come in. He turned back to Eugene, a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Ye-" Eugene hesitated. He sighed. "Not really. But I dunno if... I dunno. I just don't want to be alone, I guess. Could you come with me on patrol tonight?"

"Oh, wow. I'm not sure how much help I'd be, but yeah, I could. But what about Charlie?"

"Not Charlie." Eugene shook his head. "She's not the person I want to be around right now."

"Oh, uh, okay," Sean worried his lips.

Eugene shook his head, then straightened. "We've got to get going. We'll have a lot of ground to cover tonight if it's just us."

"We're going to be careful, right?"

Eugene stared at the floor.

"Eugene?" Sean tapped his shoulder.

Eugene curled up. "Sean, how do you know what's right or wrong? How do you know what to do? If we decide what's good or bad ourselves, what does anything matter? How can we really be good? What's the point?" Eugene started pacing. "It's so unfair. Why do we feel the pain of our sins only if we're aware we did wrong? Why?"

"Uhh, hey." Sean laid a hand on Eugene's shoulder, stopping him. "Let's sit down and talk. Patrol can wait."

Soon enough the two of them were seated on a pair of stools behind the counter. Eugene tried to tap anxiously on the wood and was disappointed that it made no sound.

"So I don't actually know if this is true, I'm just thinking, but here's how I reason it," Sean said nervously. "Um, it might sound a little dumb. And maybe over-optimistic. But I don't think what kind of spirit you have here is the final judgement. I mean, we know this is an in-between space."

"What do you mean?" Eugene asked tiredly.

"Um, I don't think how dark a spirit is actually represents how bad they are. Or- we know that, I mean..." Sean froze for a minute, and Eugene waited for him to collect his thoughts. "I think it's how much the spirit wants to change."

Eugene sat up straighter. "What makes you think that?"

Sean looked down at his hands and twiddled his thumbs. "Like I said, I don't know really. I don't have evidence for this. But I feel like it'd be nice if we only passed on when we felt ready. 'Cause maybe the real judgement is beyond, and we'll get whatever reward we're ready for. If that makes sense."

Eugene looked out the window, at the moonlight streaming in. "...I guess that's a nicer way to think about it." He couldn't bring himself to really believe it though. Seemed too easy, like an excuse. The world had never been as nice as he'd come to believe.

Sean hunched his shoulders uncomfortably. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you guys earlier. About how dark a spirit is not matching how bad they actually are. I guess I just thought, um, from my perspective it kind of seemed like my way was a more complicated version of Boss' explanation. I didn't think it mattered, so I didn't want to stress you guys about it." He hung his head. "I guess this is all... kind of my fault."

Eugene sighed. "It's Boss' fault, Sean." Eugene rested his chin on his hand. "Or maybe it's my fault. You figured it out all on your own. I should've figured it out too. Maybe a lot of this could've been avoided if I'd just..."

"What? That's not any more fair than saying it's my fault." Sean frowned. "Anyone could have figured that out....I don't think it makes sense to blame you."

Eugene looked up at him for a minute, then looked down. "What does all this mean about the..." he made air quotes. "'evil' spirits we've been fighting this whole time? If they're innocent..."

Sean waved his hands. "Wait, that's not what I said. I mean, uh, I don't know. They could be innocent? Ish? But I don't know. We're not sure. Maybe."

Eugene dropped his head into his hands. "Hayden was about to turn into a monster just because he thought it was wrong to feel lonely and jealous. And he only thought that because..." Eugene felt sick to his stomach (even though it was ghostly and empty), "...I've told him that. I repeated to him what Boss said about how he needed to stay away from his family."

Sean's hands hovered over Eugene's back doubtfully, then drew back. "It turned out okay though, didn't it? He's okay now."

"...A-and why-- why is Joan... have the 'good' spirits I've helped really been good either? Joan knew the whole time that she'd killed that man!" Eugene gritted his teeth. "And she still got to be light because she somehow convinced herself that it was okay!"

"...Eugene..." Sean hesitated, glancing up and down Eugene's body, checking to make sure he wasn't getting darker.

"I don't know! I don't know anything! I don't know what it all means! AUGH!" Eugene gripped his hair. "What have I done?"

Sean twiddled his thumbs. "Maybe let's not go on patrol tonight. Sounds like you have some stuff to sort out."

Eugene laughed wryly. "You think? Sean... how many spirits who were just hurting have I helped seal in Boss'... fan..." Eugene looked up, eyes wide.

"What?" Sean looked at him worriedly.

Boss' fan. Eugene had Boss' fan. Boss had given it to him before he left. It was in the lost and found cupboard at the office.

"Eugene, are you okay?" Sean tapped him on the shoulder.

Eugene jumped to his feet. "Sorry, I just remembered something I have to do. Bye, Sean. Thanks for the talk. You're the best."

"But I didn't do anything," Sean said, watching Eugene hurry to the door.

Eugene waved goodbye, tugged the door open, and flew quickly off towards the underworld office.

...

Chapter 2

[thegamingcatmom]

Choose violence 6 and 25

Hi, dear! 💋

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

(I think I´m meant to name a specific ship here (?), but I´m not gonna do that. Here´s why:)

The ones who believe their ship is the only one out there - the OTP, so to speak. Which...that might be true for you, but that doesn´t mean everyone else needs to be on board with that. There´s people actively shaming/harassing others for liking different ships or speaking negatively about their ship, and I just think that´s very childish and sad. Seeing stuff like that makes me feel rather pissed off, I gotta say.

People have different views/opinions, and that´s totally alright. Let them be. (Or, at the very least, don´t be an ass about it.)

25. Common fandom complaint that you´re sick of hearing.

Edward Cullen being a creepy/possessive mf.

I mean...yes, there´s truth to it. But...he´s a vampire (?). Yknow, those beings who thirst for your blood and are usually depicted as predators? His behavior should come off as morally questionable and possessive, whether or not Stephenie Meyer actually intended it that way (or if she genuinely viewed it as the buildup to the greatest love story in history without questioning any of it at any moment...which I think is more likely the case here).

In real life, none of those traits would be considered healthy in a relationship. But this is fiction, something people often use to escape the real world and its social expectations for a while. I know that the world we live in today urges us to be more considerate about what we show to the audience, and how we do it. But, tbh? That´s also something I´ve grown very tired of long ago.

Nowadays, people are often made to feel "guilty" for enjoying content that others might view as not suitable, or even disturbing. While, again, there´s some truth to it when it comes to shaping younger generations, my point still stands: To each their own.

Why can´t we enjoy things as freely and openly as we used to back in the days, dammit. 😭

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Thanks for your ask! ❤️