#everyone else suffers from same dress syndrom
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is this a safe space.... ok that one post about how u can't bring yourself to defend some female characters and feeling bad about it sorry queens.... that's me with h*nkai đ
#EXCEPT for female protag she seems like the only one who isn't designed to be jerk off material for loser otakus#everyone else suffers from same dress syndrom#g*nshin surprisingly has way more variety and better written characters in general lmao
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Hello! I was wondering if I could request a romantic Hazbin Match up! I am using this in other blogs, hopefully that's not a faux pas.
I'm Olivia.
Pronouns: She/her and female Sexuality: Straight
Style: My style ranges depending on my mood but it consistantly falls into three categories of dresses (Usually knee length with a fit and flare waist), comfy (Sweaters and comforters), and sexy (Think corsets and bustiers.). I like wearing make-up and styling my hair into cute styles (Sadly I suck at braiding.) Shoes⌠honestly I think I like all shoes except crocks. I love Nail art too!
Hobbies/Interest: Drawing, singing, gaming, reading and shopping. I like trying out new things from activities and foods. Favorite subjects are history, mythology, and computer science, and I like building furniture when I have a guide.
Book genres: Romance, Fantasy, Historical, and Mystery
Personality: I'm called a social butterfly by everyone I know. I've also been told I have a tendency to adopt introverts into my circle and care for them. No joke, I've been invited to place because I'm willing to talk to strangers and not shy away from conversation. I've been told that I'm very entertaining to be around because I'm very bubbly and animated in my interations because I like making people happy.
Jokes on everyone because internally I'm very shy and a nervous wreck, I just know how to hide it well. I definitely can suffer from feeling inadequet and have imposter syndrome XD Honestly to quote my favorite character: I'm an insecure, neurotic control freak⌠on crack. I can also be materialistic and enjoy buying jewelry.
I'm very protective over my loved ones, think "Hurt them, I hurt you and no one will find the body." I tend to hover over loved ones if they are sick or sad and help take care of them.
I also can definitely be a bitch but usually the other person deserves my ire. I also will hold grudges if people backstab me. They can say they are sorry but I will not trust them again nor will I let them near my circle of people. I can also been
Oooooh I love spicy foods, baked goods, and love trying to make new dishes or eating them.
Love Languages: Physical Touch: I love to cuddle, hug and everything else under the sun. If I'm kissed on the forehead, I will swoon. Emotional: This is a must because if there's no emtional connection why is there a relationship to begin with. I want to be able to talk to my partner and them to me no matter the situation. Both the good and the bad. Gift giving: I don't care what kind of gift, for me it's the thought that counts that I was on his mind.
My type: I'm very specific in my type so I'mma choose two good and one bad: I want someone loving and caring, and not a jackass. Otherwise I will be the one punching them.
I match you with...
Lucifer Morningstar!
I feel like he would benefit from someone who's a bit of an extrovert and pushes him to get out of his house a bit more but that also understands how he feels
It would take him a while to get warmed up to you but when he does prepare for him to be constantly by your side and showering you with gifts.
Always notices your outfits and showers you in compliments. Please do the same for him.
He thinks you're so cute when you show your protective side. He's the most powerful in all of hell and will most likely be the one protecting you, but don't mind him melting into a puddle if you threaten someone Alastor who tried to cross him.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated!
#matchups#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin lucifer x reader#lucifer magne x reader#lucifer morningstar x you#lucifer morningstar x reader
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What an experience, it can be to exist. I went to the doctor to take my 3 year old. The doctor he has something else came up and had another doctor instead. My first time meeting her. I was dressed very laid back, boots muddy. Layer of clothes, every color. I love the winter sometimes to just throw on laters and walk out the door is childlike feels, so I do my best to stay there; simply enjoy with no question. But sometimes we judge a person by the way they look and not for whom they are first.
The practitioner/doctor who was to see my son. Started to share and be vulnerable with me out of the blue it seemed but in the end it made sense. Since I just finished the book Goddess Warrior. Dope book.
Her shared story was as she looked at my son sharing how, âI have two kids girls and we my husband and I took our daughter to college and dropped her off. The morning of, I woke up like 6am pretty early to get ready for the day and my husband is in the kitchen naked, drinking coffeeâ. I say, â liberating indeedâ. She goes, â well yeah, but it was too early for all thatâ. In other words the whole truth and nothing but the truth is naked and unraveling, some want to be eased into being uncomfortable and others sit with it. Pretty interesting.
She then had this look like she said too much with being vulnerable with one another we havenât had lunch to connected while at the same time come from two different backgrounds.
She asked my son, âletâs take a deep breathâ. My son sharing with her his meditation breaths, inhale he does with intention, exhale he does with intention. The concentration is priceless to see, đ.
I shared with her that her husbandâs level of âliberationâ is a level we all want to be at. I shared with her, âI AM a hatha yoga/qi-gong practitionerâ. She lightened up a little, as if she not knowing what to expect as I. Since how I AM dressed is not what she may have thought in her mind, interesting. Like we can be walking computers unconsciously, sharing grace with one another is needed.
She reminded me in how we can change people minds with always being authentic to ourselves. How being a reflection of GODâs love can activate another in reminder that we have the choice to set ourselves free with truth. We are allowed to feel naked and vulnerable without caring what another thinks. Reclaiming our power in little settle ways when we have sacrificed the growth of another (child) what a weight lifted while at the same time the child is being initiated into autonomy when moving out the house.
We may not always look at it that way but what if we looked at growth as a celebration or maybe a graduation to transition? It would shake up thos whole world uplifting the vibrations higher, I believe. Because everyone would feel good with curiosity to move towards growth rather than anxiety, worry and fear. Interesting đ§.
No matter what level we are on in life it feels good to be reminded that you are on the right path. The doctor shared, âmy husband and my relationship has gotten so much better since the kids have moved outâ. âEmpty nest syndrome is up and downâ I said, âyou husband has the right idea, as I smile and say, âthis is your chapter to be curious going outside the title/role of mom and doctorâ. I say, â feels good to know when on the right track and the Universe validates you in the weirdest waysâ. âCan I get a hugâ? She says, âyes, thank you so much for the work you doâ as I did to her. She was the doctor that replaced who my son regular doctor is, my first time meeting her. Since at the last minute it was asked if my son could see another doctor since the regular doctor will be on vacation. Blessings to her and her path, there is not coincidence. Synchronized paths do exist.
At the end of the day we are all doing the best we can with what we have, even those that suffer in silence, by choice. Exploring the inner depths of YOU, we have to stay curious on this spiritual training ground. THANK YOU GOD/UNIVERSE/DIVINE for working through me, on me and for me. Echo chamber of gratitude to cultivate connections.
Change your perspective (C.Y.P.) and chat. Keep vibing higher. Keep walking in love. đ§żđđśđĽ
đđđ˝đđđď¸đ¸đŞđŚâ
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Kyuubei for the bingo
#leologisms#anon#ask#gintama#ok. i have opinions about kyuubei. like#well first of all anyone who uses she/her for kyuubei is going to die by my hand. Now#ok. personal opinion is that kyuubeis character was. surprisingly well considered yet at the same time handled so poorly#really a good slowburn character development. seeing how they grapple with and come to terms with their identity from when we first meet#them all the way until their final appearance. wonderful. great. lovely how their relationship with otae is so important to their identity#as well. growing up in samurai society.. grappling with attraction.. the opinions of family... great. but also. jesus fucking christ#not gonna lie. kyuubei also suffers from 'woman in a shounen series' syndrome. hell on earth#my hate for the dekobokko arc. great for kyuubeis character development. garbage for everyone else.#not to mention the constant bottom surgery jokes and the frills and dresses and tojo. dude.#essentially. uh. kyuubei is a great character and i love them. i am also going to kill anyone who looks at them ever
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I love your writing so much! If requests are still open could you do a yandere Kirishima and Kaminari sharing a darling, please? Maybe they come home to their darling whoâs managed to escape into the backyard and just sits there knowing theyâll be punished
I donât usually pair these two up, but itâs to work with characters a little softer than my usual preferences. That doesnât mean Iâm going to go easier on their Darling, though, at least not in this one-shot.
Title: Bloodless Victory.
TW: Mentions of Physical Abuse, Delusional Mindsets, and Stolkholm Syndrome.Â
~
Like all of the injuries your captors inflicted, this one felt worse than it looked.
You shouldnât be surprised, honestly. Kirishima and Kaminari liked plenty of things about you, but neither was fond of blood and gristle and all the dirty, gristly messes their affection left behind when they were done with you. Kirishima would leave bruises, pressing his fingertips into your hips until your flesh was tender and soft underneath his hands, but he never broke the skin, he never did anything that would interrupt his fantasy of being your oh-so-benevolent caretaker. Kaminari didnât pretend to be so altruistic, but he wasnât any better when he pulled you into his lap and shots bolts of white, burning electricity into you until you were little more than a barely-conscious pile of muscle and bone draped on top of him, too tired and too sore to do anything but lie there and try not to notice when his hands began to wander. It hurt, but a few bruises and a patch of raw, reddened skin hardly looked like violence. They didnât have to acknowledge it, not if they didnât want to.
A traitorous, treacherous part of you wondered if theyâd be kind enough to forget this, too, if theyâd overlook the throbbing, icy pain of your submission and just be glad that you had surrendered, eventually. Immediately, you bit the side of your tongue and cursed yourself for daring to indulge the thought at all.
You curled into yourself, bringing your knees to your chest and letting your focus drift towards a new spot on the plain cement wall. Despite the lavishness of their apartment building, this room was barren, empty, little more than a conference table and a few plastic chairs, one of which you were currently tucked into. It was meant for staff, not the wealthy tenants they catered to, the same staff whoâd herded you into your new prison when you emerged from the maintenance elevator, dazed and confused with rope-burns still visible on your wrists. You shouldâve guessed that theyâd been warned about the âvulnerable personâ living in their pent-house, and you shouldâve known theyâd believe the two Pro-Heroes with concerned smiles and enough spare income to rent out half the apartments in their building indefinitely. You only had yourself to blame for thinking otherwise.
In hindsight, you were forced to realize that, if youâd pushed, they probably wouldâve called the police. If you cried and told them about the deadbolts and the chains and the abuse, they wouldâve listened, done something to help you, gotten you away from your âboyfriendsâ and taken you somewhere safe. They wouldâve doubted you, sure, but you couldâve begged, screamed, explained. You couldâve said something. Anything wouldâve been better than what you actually did - blinking and averting your eyes and nodding along until you were left alone to wallow in your own self-pity. If anything, youâd only reassured them that you were unstable, that you needed to be isolated and cared for.
So enveloped in your own thoughts, you almost didnât notice when Kaminari came in, still dressed in his monochromatic get-up with a small, worried frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. His presence was unignorable, though, and as soon as you thought to lift your head, his arms were around you, pulling you to his chest before pushing you back, holding you out in front of him as he searched for cuts, scratches, evidence that something or someone else had come after you. He never really believed you didnât want to be with him, he couldnât believe it. He didnât want to. âAre you hurt?â He asked, hastily, speaking too quickly for you to answer. âDid something happen? You look like hell - you didnât cause any trouble, did you? Oh, fuck, how did you get down here?â
You opened your mouth, ready to either soothe his nerves or lie through your teeth, but Kaminari was already being pulled away, hauled back by the collar. âSpace, Denki, give âem space,â Kirishima said, only letting go of his companion when Kaminari huffed and crossed his arms, grudgingly submitting to Kirishimaâs demands. His gaze never left you, though, hardened and strict, standing in harsh contradiction to Kaminariâs unveiled concern. Completely unconnected with the taut, gentle smile he was so adamant on wearing. âHey there, sweetheart,â He greeted, his tone smooth and even, as if youâd crack and shatter the moment he dared to raise his voice. âYou alright?â
This time, you bit the inside of your cheek. Your tongue was starting to hurt. âNo.â
They both stiffened, but neither did anything, only exchanging a wordless glance before shifting forward. They barely moved, hardly even taking a full step, but instantly, you were cornered, caged in place by two bodies you could never hope to overpower in a fair fight. Kirishima was the one to break the silence, placing a hand on your shoulder as he spoke. Whether it was in sympathy or in warning, you couldnât be sure. âCan I ask why, (Y/n)?â
âI donât know,â You started, glaring at the tiled floor at their feet. âMaybe because I was kidnapped, held captive and tortured by people who said they loved me, and after all that, they still donât know why I might be upset. Because I canât get away from them, I canât even get outside, and whenever I try to, they hover over me and ask âwhat��s wrongâ and âare you alrightâ until I cry or scream or pass out and believe it or not, none of those things are a whole lot of fun for me.â You paused, forcing yourself to take a deep breath. Youâd have time to be angry later on. Right now, you just wanted to get out of this goddamn room. âOr, it might be because I canât even make myself escape. I donât even know if I want to, anymore, and Iâm beginning to hate myself for it.â
Neither made a sound. Kirishimaâs grip tightened around you, Kaminari swallowed, but neither of them spoke. You almost wished theyâd interrupt you.
âIâm broken,â You admitted, weakly. âIâm donât have any money, I donât know what you did with any of my IDs, and everyone I know thinks Iâm in the perfect relationship with two great, amazing guys. I donât have anywhere to go, and I donât even know if I can make myself leave. I just... I want to go home, now.â
Again, a second passed in silence. You were beginning to think youâd have to repeat yourself when Kamilari broke into a wide, unforgiving smile.
Then, he laughed.
You were hauled off your seat in the blink of an eye, scooped into his arms and drawn against him, his face quickly buried in the crook of your neck and his remaining laughter soon muffled by your skin. Kirishima tensed, but he didnât cut in, letting Kaminari have his fun, letting you suffer. As glad for the former as he was complacent in the latter. âHear that?â He called, addressing his companion despite Kirishima not being the one pressed against him. âThey love us, Eijiro. They want to stay! I was starting to think our baby would never come around, but you were right!â He sighed, straightening his back and pushing a light, hasty kiss into your forehead. âWeâre going to be a big, happy family, just like you said. We can finally be happy.â
Kirishima didnât laugh, but he grinned, a gesture that was almost worse when combined with how easily he slotted himself against your back, how guiltlessly he added himself to Kaminariâs bliss. His lips brushed against the nape of your neck, and he chose to let them linger. To ignore your attempts to lean away. âThingsâll be easier, now. You wonât have to struggle, and we wonât have to get rough,â He muttered, nuzzling against you. âThis is good. You might not think so, but trust me, itâs a change for the better.â
You couldâve fought, clawed and bit and struggled until they dropped you and let you stand on your own, but your limbs felt heavy, your form dragged down and mercilessly weightless, at the same time. You were tired, and you were hungry, andâŚ
And it wasnât like you had anything to fight for, anyway.
Youâd already given up your chance to run.
#yandere#yandere love#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere prompt#yandere oneshot#yandere drabble#yandere scenerio#yandere imagines#boku no hero academia#boku no hero academia imagines#my hero academia#yandere boku no hero academia imagines#yandere boku no hero academia#yandere my hero academia imagines#my hero academia imagines#yandere my hero academia#bnha imagines#yandere bnha#kirishima x reader#yandere kirishima#yandere kirishima x reader#yandere kaminari#yandere kaminari x reader#kaminari x reader#denki x reader#yandere denki#yandere fantasy#yandere fanfiction#yanderecore
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Continuation
The ISSTD is not incorrect about the role of trauma in DID. Even if they were, they would not need to revise their treatment guidelines because being wrong about the trauma model doesn't make it so that future patients will be magically unaffected by the treatments that have worked for past patients. Again, there's no one treatment plan for DID that works for everyone anyways, but those that are available do work for some people based on what they want to achieve (I think the triphasic approach is really nice exactly because you can stop at a point where the patient feels comfortable, or go till the end and integrate all the parts).
Ultimately, though, the ISSTD is for the research of Trauma and Dissociation. Their research would still be targeted towards those who for the trauma model. I don't get what the big issue is.
What I do get is that the ISSTD should be held responsible for the McLean Hospital incident. It used flawed research on "Imitated DID" (which I still now don't understand why it's seemingly the only disorder that people think other people can fake unconsciously??) to publicly defame public figures of the online DID community. I have no comments on that.
But now we get to the infamous part
False Memoriesâ˘
I've already explained how there's kind of no reason to think that traumatic memories can be created, and I fail to understand why that would need to happen iatrogenically (so by a mental health professional). But besides that, I kind of think that the iatrogenic model hurts their stance?
If a psychologist can sit you down and create a dissociative system in you just by doing therapy, why couldn't someone else? I won't comment on organized abuse as I have no experience with it and save from some knowledge on monarch programming and how it has allegedly been done, but even if you don't believe that those organizations exist, what about private individuals?
I'd categorize the abuse suffered by Jeni Haynes, author of The Girl in the Green Dress (lovely book go buy it rn) at the hands of her father as organized and ritualistic. Afaik he was helped by the very organization that perpetuated the myth of "False Memory Syndrome" and still went to jail because he actually did the abuse, which was documented very well btw.
Who's to say she's the only case? Because her being the only person to suffer this type of abuse is highly unlikely.
Explicitly satanic religious cults may or may not exist. It genuinely does not matter. If Grey Faction's stance on DID is that it can be iatrogenically induced, then it can be induced by harmful individuals that they claim can't exist.
Is the PTM bad for DID patients? No.
Is the PTM bad for incorrectly diagnosed DID patients? Probably not, cause the treatment is focused on trauma recovery and that's a good thing???
Is the PTM bad for the falsely accused? No idea, because I don't know who the accused are. Do they mean abusers? Because then yeah, they get to have their victim speak out on what they did to them. I don't see that as a problem though.
Is the PTM bad for the public? I don't see why. Is the large-scale recognition of the effects that traumatization can have on children bad? Because I'd say no, but you do you.
The members of the organization really do not matter to me. As long as they produce results with their research (which they have in my opinion), I do not care. If a psychologist in the ISSTD does misconduct, they should be punished, have their license revoked, incur fines etc., but their research is not automatically bad. I don't go around burning The Haunted Self books, for one. Look at Preston Bailey, for example - afaik he's the one who made the dissociative spectrum and I'm not even sure he actually went to Harvard. He is also very very religious and seems to think that everything can be cured with the help of insert-religious-figure-here.
I don't like Preston Bailey. What I do like, however, is the dissociative spectrum he made. Same goes for the contributions that specialists in trauma and dissociation have made.
Do people deserve better than the ISSTD? Totally. Is Grey Faction it? Nuh uh. Not in my opinion, anyways.
They then keep calling DID treatment strategies pseudoscience as if they don't work, but I won't comment on that further.
Everything is good and lovely, but then it all crashes down.
In recent history I have not heard of any DID patient that has undergone recovered memory therapy. You know what they were treated with instead?
Modified IFS therapy and modified EMDR (and a few traditional EMDR, which seemed to work so yay). Recovered memory therapy is certainly not being used where I'm looking.
But I don't care if it is. What I do care about is if the patients that this therapy is allegedly being administered to report any relief of their symptoms. If they have psychogenic amnesia as a result of their switches, is the amnesia better? Are their persecutory intrusions being taken care of effectively? Do they have post-traumatic symptoms that interfere on their life? If recovered memory therapy helps in those regards, I could not care less about anything else. Unfortunately, I don't know what this technique is and how it's done, so I won't comment on it. I'll just add that I don't understand how it's being used in conversion therapy, but that's on my lack of knowledge.
They then list some recovered memory techniques. Hypnotherapists do exist now, sure, and I have direct experience with dream interpretation, but I wouldn't say those are reliable ways to recover memories. If they do recover memories of abuse, they must surely at least try to dig deeper?
How do those memories affect them? Are they having post-traumatic symptoms? If they aren't, why treat the trauma that isn't there?
If the issue is that the patients might press charges on the abuser or something, it still has to be proven. Sexual abuse has an effect on the body, for example, and that's provable. Physical abuse can often leave scars, marks, bruises etc. which depending on the timeline could be used as proof. Psychological abuse, especially childhood psychological abuse, can make the brain develop in a way that prioritizes protection of future traumas instead of normal development. Brain scans and MRIs can be unreliable, especially if read by someone who doesn't know what they're doing, but the activation and lack thereof of parts of the brain can be seen. It's provable.
If the consequences of a trauma are there it's indisputable, I'd say. Even if you only had a PTSD diagnosis - have multiple mental health professionals testify that the cause of your distress is the abuser. That should help.
The only way I can see someone not wanting people to take their abuser to court is if they themselves are abusers.
At least the other parts had sources. Yeah, the satanic panic was as they describe (to my knowledge, anyways), but how do you know those kids weren't really abused? There's bound to be kids who did experience horrific abuse, and the only word there was at the time to describe it was "Satanic". The United Stated of America have historically been a very Christian nation it seems, so it makes sense to me that they'd call abuse "satanic". We also do need to acknowledge that abuse was and is still being perpetrated by the Christian church, and calling it satanic does in my mind separate it from it. But that's just speculation on my part.
And also - they were children. If they were isolated accounts, I wouldn't put it past them to misremember or exaggerate. That doesn't mean they didn't go through horrifying things. Of course the culture of the time did not help the situation whatsoever, and considering that abuse does tend to create fractured memories, it's entirely plausible that because of suggestion they added details that weren't there. I wouldn't call that a false memory, however.
As for the adults, I could speculate all day on if they saw what they said they saw. If they had effects if their abuse physically or psychologically, they were affected. If the memories really were all fabricated, as long as signs of abuse were present I would not care. But also I'd have no way of knowing if they were fabricated or not, but my point still stands.
But as I stated before, while not Satanic in nature, organized and ritualized abuse is a thing that happens. It happens, and it leaves lasting effects that can be seen. If something really did happen, there will be proof, and often there is.
Ok? I again do not care what these people believe. It is only an issue when they force that on the patient, and I've seen no evidence of that despite what this document says. I already said that if these mental health professional did any misconduct I believe there should be harsh consequences. If they're still practicing psychology, it's apparent that either their governing body (Register? Bar? I don't know the english word) did not find any misconduct or did not care. I'm personally assuming the former, but you do you.
... so there are people who do abuse in the name of Satan. You do need to understand that Satanist is a term for anyone who believes and worships Satan regardless of intentions (unfortunately). LaVeyan satanists are still satanists, for example, and the same is for the members of the Cathedral of the Black Goat and other religious theistic satanist groups. I said this a lot, I know, but who's to say there aren't groups of satanists of any type who partake in organized abuse?
Most people are of the idea that satanists don't run the world. Some do believe that, but what can they do about it, really? People believe in the illuminati, flat or hollow earth (lovely rabbit hole to fall in btw!), aliens that visit the earth and build pyramids for some reason, the faking of the moon landing, that Obama was responsible for the twin towers attack (an art teacher of mine told me this, which also prompted the discovery of an interesting facebook religious cult focusing on locusts that she was a part of), that jewish people run the world and other things. Are some of those beliefs harmful? Absolutely. Insinuating that the ancient egyptians couldn't have possibly built the pyramids so the aliens did does sound kind of racist. Pinning a major US tragedy on the first black president of the country also sounds racist. Implying that jewish people control the world is also racist. Wow a lot of things are racist. And some of those things do have actual effects on people (the discrimination of jewish and black people, first of all), but not believing that satanists run the world.
People who believe that have a very specific idea of what a satanist is. I assure you, you are not who they think is in control of the world.
They then talk about how recovered memories are not reliable without evidence, and sure. I can get behind that. But that's true for all memories.
I could very confidently say that when I was 8 I disassembled a microwave with my best friend at the time and that caused the whole neighborhood to lose power because we left it plugged in, but aside from the improbability of us being alive after that, you could ask the friend. You could ask the energy company if they keep records. You could ask his mother. You have so many ways to check if my memory is true, but they're focusing on the fact that it simply must be a false memory because I remembered it after someone asked me if I had any experience fixing microwaves.
And I know that these people haven't been abused. I know this because abuse sticks even long after you've healed from it. The memory today of what happened to me and countless other people will forever be this emotionally charged. While I may not cry anymore when a stimulus makes me remember what happened, the memory's still there. Ask any other traumatized person. I will touch on this later, too.
Evidence!!!! People generally do not go around believing that their families are abusive without evidence, no matter how outlandish they make it sound. No one but them will ever know if murders and cannibalism actually happened, but I ask again:
Is there evidence?đĽ°
And if people are getting locked up for things they didn't do, that's the justice system's fault for not seeing that there was no evidence. Richard Haynes isn't innocent no matter what the False Memory Syndrome Foundation said, and they claimed the exact same things this document claims.
Family members are often the perpetrators of sexual abuse. Why is that so "obviously untrue"?
This whole section just talks about how easy and destructive the false memory phenomenon is. I've already given you my thoughts on the matter. I am tired. Send me an ask if you want more amateur opinions.
Malpractice is a therapist blowing off a client when they tell them they remember organized abuse. Malpractice is a psychologist abandoning a client with DID because it's "fantasy" or "imitated". Malpractice is not helping clients heal from memories, and guidelines for treating post-traumatic stress do not immediately jump to "recovering" memories or whatever as they would like you to think.
They then try to appeal to abuse survivors. It's good that they don't outright say that they cater more to people accused of abuse rather than the people who were abused, at least. It's no good being overt in your intentions!
Lovely letter. I would throw that in the trash, but for the non-questionable parts it did have sources so I'm happy.
Thank you for reaching out
No thank you <3
Yours truly,
Echo of Absideon
So why is it not repression?
Repression comes from psychoanalysis (yay Freud ig), and it's understood as a defence mechanism where the conscious mind doesn't allow memories that may cause harm from resurfacing. Freud first(?) incorporated it into his seduction theory (which states that the cause of hysteria and probably some types of neuroses was the repression of childhood sexual abuse that manifested later in life), and then expanded the idea of repression as a general defense mechanism. Imo I think overtime he kind of strayed away from the idea of it being the actual repression of memories and more the repression of desires (he did psychosexual development, libido and all that stuff, remember).
DID is also understood to mostly be a defense mechanism. It is a way for a person with trauma to unconsciously take that experience in general and detach themselves from it, which causes the emergence of another part ("alter") that is equipped to handle the experience. That, however doesn't sound like repression.
Because it's not. It's dissociation. It's a completely different mechanism. I'd argue it's way more similar to Heinz Kohut's theory of splitting.
Kohut mostly wrote about narcissistic personality disorder, and he described the concept of horizontal and vertical splitting as two ways that someone copes with the failed integration of a dichotomy.
When talking about narcissistic personality disorder, he took concepts from Freud's psychoanalytic theory but emphasized that narcissism is a product of a fragile sense of self. He thought of horizontal splitting as the classical form of repression where things in the conscious and unconscious are separated, so that things like shame and unmet needs do not affect the conscious experience, and of vertical splitting as a way for multiple parts of one's self to coexist in the conscious mind without integrating (due to compartmentalization), also preventing feelings of shame to coexist with the grandiose sense of self. This is all because in the mind of an NPD patient, narcissism and self-critique cannot coexist together, so they use strategies to keep them separate.
Now, what sounds almost exactly like that vertical splitting? If you said dissociation of identity, you are correct!! â¨đđđĽłđĽłđđ
There's a few minor differences of course:
Vertical splitting deals with separating contradicting parts of the personality so that the person is able to always display the "grandiose" personality and not the unwanted one, whereas DID deals with separating experiences from each other so that they're more easily dealt with.
Vertical splitting doesn't involve psychogenic amnesia, but rather only behaviour and identity, whereas DID always involves that memory loss (although whether that's memory loss between alters when switching or a general failed recall of autobiographical information is kind of irrelevant diagnostically speaking) and behaviour and identity.
People with narcissistic vertical splitting are generally aware of the inconsistencies with behavior and personality while being unable to integrate those inconsistencies, whereas people with DID are often not aware of other parts, and if they are they don't often know everything because of the covert and secretive nature of the disorder.
But you can't deny that these are striking similarities. Kohut specifically created this horizontal and vertical difference to explain different ways of keeping things⢠separate in the brain of people with NPD, with repression being a wholly different process than what I'd describe as basically dissociation.
Therefore, I do not believe that the argument that the Grey Faction makes for DID is valid. Their arguments for repression are still not really valid in my eyes for the reasons I've given before (memory storage differences between traumatic and normal memories and the lack of evidence that repression isn't a thing, mainly) which in my mind also discredits them when talking about non dissociative traumatic experiences. I've given my justification, but I'd love to hear what others have to say about this.
Just a few things though.
I am not a medical professional of any kind!!! Do not take anything I say as absolute fact. It is entirely possible that I am wring about everything I said here and I urge people who know more about this to reblog this with their opinion and thoughts. I'm lucky enough that my entire family is made up of psychologists so I have access to resources and opinions from people who are studying and/or have studied clinical and abnormal psychology (which I mention specifically because I see those as the branches of psychology that deal the most with psychopathology) but as much ad I'd love for it to be the case no one in my family specializes in trauma and dissociation. Closest I can get is my mother who is specializing in personality disorders
I try to not be biased, but by virtue of being human I inevitably am. The labels that fit me the most would be "endogenic non-disordered system", which to some might seem as a conflict of interest. Having trauma and a dissociative disorder because of it does not automatically give me authority to talk on DID issues, but this was made mostly to yap about my interest and at the same time talk about an issue that seems to be the current topic of discourse on the internet. If you have any issues with this, you are encouraged to block me as you should do regardless.
I had to use translators a bunch of times while making this because my C2 in english is apparently not enough to know how to use modal verbs. If anything's unclear, I should have my asks open.
If you want a TLDR; here it is:
I think the Grey Faction's focus on the impossibility of repressed memories' existence (and/or the unreliability of recovered repressed memories) is based on the false assumption that dissociative conditions, which they talk about in a "letter" specifically, deal with repression rather than dissociation, which along with the failed consideration of differences between traumatic and normal memories and the lack of any indication that "false memories" are anything other than a way for abusers to protect themselves in my mind discredits them completely.
Wow! Words! I am tired but couldn't wait for tomorrow for the continuation so here it is, have a lovely rest of your day :)) with such a long post I'm not going to proofread it so I sure hope I didn't make several grammatical or spelling mistakes! Again, if you want clarifications my asks should be open.
Teehee
I have thoughts on Grey Faction!!
And this will be tagged with the syscourse tag but I don't actually know if it's discourse. I'm just stating my opinion because this is my blog and O get to do that. Teehee
I will be talking about Grey Faction, recovered and repressed memories, Satanic Ritual Abuse (I think the acronym is RAMCOA) and other things that may make you uncomfortable. Please be aware of that before reading :)
What They Claimâ˘
And, more specifically, what they think DID is like.
On the Satanic Temple website, Grey Faction is described as "An Educational And Advocacy Organization Whose Mission Is To Protect Mental Health Patients And Their Families From Dangerous Pseudoscience And Discredited Therapies, Particularly In The Area Of So-Called âRepressed Memories.â"
That just begs the question: What are repressed memories?
Not to worry! I, a very much not trained psychologist, psychotherapist or mental health professional of any kind will absolutely explain it to you. You should totally listen to me without question. Me not being done with the three year degree in psychological sciences and techniques is not going to stop me. Indubitably! (That is my attempt of a joke)
A repressed memory is an autobiographical memory (general facts about the world, oneself, and one's experiences) that for some reason cannot be recalled by the person. It is usually related to a traumatic or stressful event, and is based in Freudian thought and psychology. (Freud is the guy that did psychosexual development as a basis for his ideas on libido btw).
Are repressed memories actually a thing though?
The answer to that (as I understand it!!!!!!) is that it'd be hard to come to a consensus.
Why?
Because memory is weird! But one thing many can attest is the fact that trauma makes memories weird.
There are a number of problems that come with trying to prove that repressed memories are a thing, and I'm going to also sprinkle in my thoughts on those:
First of all, studying repression relies on retrospective reports, and unless you were liveblogging your traumatic experience, it's hard to know definitively if things happened. This of course ignores the role that brain regions such as the amygdala and hippocampus and their over and under-stimulation respectively affect memory storage in traumatic situations and even after as long-term effects (which is something that I'd say is pretty well known and not controversial?? But genuinely correct me if I'm wrong as this is not my area of interest), but we're going to ignore that ig.
Studies also do show that memory is unreliable. The fact that our bodies are controlled by a surprisingly stable slushy that somehow has the capability of independent (although subjective) experience I think makes that claim pretty believable. We're also going to ignore here the fact that many of those studies, to my knowledge, have only focused on non-traumatic memory creation by suggestion and peer pressure (Elizabeth Loftus I'm looking at you), and those that do focus on traumatic memories just show that there's degradation of memories. Nothing to my limited knowledge suggests that trauma survivors are more likely to develop false memories.
I think it's also important to note that because of the way traumatic memories are stored, a lot of those memories are going to lack coherence. I just realized I didn't explain what the amygdala and hippocampus have to do with memory, but basically the former is responsible for emotions and encoding them in memory (especially implicit/emotional memory), with its activation being connected to stronger and more vivid recall, and the latter is in charge of actually creating those memories by taking all sensory input from your senses and your emotions, hormones etc. and storing it, with stress hormones like probably cortisol contributing to a more fragmented and disjointed memory. Because of all of that, I think it's safe to say that it's not a stretch to say that the combination of emotional responses and hormonal responses while in a traumatic situation would lead to differences between normal everyday memories and trauma. As much as self-reports show that repressed memories are a thing, it is not empirical evidence afaik, especially because of their lack of coherence.
So what's the verdict?
I personally believe that Grey Faction has it all wrong. I don't think that with DID it's repression of memories at all.
But let me explain (I love yapping)
This is what they have to say to the DID community. (Hyperlink)
And I want to dissect this bit by bit.
The first thing that strikes me as odd if the phrasing they use in the last paragraph. "the dangers surrounding the diagnosis"? What dangers? Social backlash stemming from the common misconceptions of "split personality" and the "evil alter" stereotype? That's not from the diagnosis.
Diagnosis is a lovely thing. If you are experiencing symptoms of something, being validated medically is wonderful, and can lead to finally finding a community (and feeling like you fit in it). However, on paper it's merely a way for the government to be able to say if you get benefits or not (disability aid, financial aid, free or at least discounted healthcare in some countries etc.). It's pretty well known that disabled people do experience massive amounts of discrimination from lots of institutions, but the benefits are there. This may not be an objective way to continue this part of the post, but my family gets some money and other benefits from the government exactly because of those benefits, and there haven't been any issues bureaucratically speaking. We don't pay university taxes, we don't pay for food or we get discounts, we have priority on certain procedures etc., and that is most definitely not the experience of every disabled person (especially people with more visible disabilities), but I still wouldn't call a diagnosis a "danger" since if you had those issues and no diagnosis you'd just have less legal protections.
The dangers of common therapies I feel like could only come from an incorrect usage of therapeutic techniques? If I were to do traditional EMDR on a chronically traumatized patient though I wouldn't complain if the patient just dissociated. As it's understood (by me and I'm hoping other people - I have to emphasize that I'm not a specialist of anything), complex trauma and C-PTSD deals with prolonged chronic traumatization instead of more "singular" traumas, and usually develops in childhood. Usually people with C-PTSD have issues with emotional management, dissociation, negative thoughts and relationships, and administering EMDR without taking those into consideration can lead to emotional flooding, dissociation and re-traumatization. That's a risk. Solution: go to a trauma-informed therapist that specializes in that therapy technique.
The controversies part is just weird to me. I really do not care if the researchers at the forefront of DID research are weird. I don't care that Onno van der Hart lost his license because I don't care about him as a person. I don't care that Dr. Colin A. Ross had something to do with shooting lasers out of his eyes? Idk where I heard that, but again, I'm here for their theories and research and not their life stories. I may mildly dislike some of them but that just means I won't book a session with them.
Anyways,
First paragraph is correct, but I do want fo emphasize that unless people are experiencing delusions of breaks in reality in general that for some reason lead them to believe that they are a system (which I'm assuming would manifest as a kind of thought insertion delusion, with features of somatic delusions given that systems usually switch), only a professional should be safely telling them why those symptoms are happening. If they start saying outlandish things about being a system as if it's a common experience you should absolutely correct them and explain that it's not common for most systems or whatever, but saying they don't know what they're experiencing is a weird statement. Human experience is subjective, so your argument falls flat immediately.
Anyways, they then say that the trauma model is undisputed (it is not? At least it doesn't seem like it with a lot of professionals believing that it's just fantasy and roleplay) even though there are shortcomings (which are pretty well known. Just read The Haunted Self and you'll see among other things why the strict categorization of psychological experiences does not work). I just feel like with the research we have and the overwhelming majority of DID patients having self-reported trauma, it's kind of a no-brainer to come to the conclusion that trauma is a cause for DID.
Think about it: if DID is a disorder which features dissociation as its main feature, and dissociation is usually seen as a reaction to trauma, why couldn't trauma be a cause for it?
I also don't find value in declaring a treatment technique to be "empirically-supported". They're simply tools used to treat and manage disorders. They might not work for everyone, but does it really matter that much to have a single treatment for all DID patients? Some might respond well to some treatments and some to others. Who cares.
You see, I have a problem with both the trauma model (PTM) and sociocognitive model (SCM) of DID. It might not be explicit, but they both come off as staying that DID is caused only and exclusively by X, which is a major issue. If someone who presented with DID symptoms (amnesia, distress and all) came to your office (in thai scenario, you magically became a therapist) and they told you that their DID was not caused by trauma, while still having distressing experiences because of the DID, your first thought should never be to tell them that it's impossible and that they must have hidden trauma somewhere in their cranium. You know what you should do? Treat the paying customer 𼰠and generally making it so that in x amount of time they won't have to enter your office complaining of a part getting them fired and spending their severance check on rubber duckies. Could they be faking? Absolutely, but it's their loss mostly. They they really had something goin on and it's not DID you should be doing interviews, inventories, tests etc. and then tell them your verdict. Simple as that.
The SCM of DID is also to my knowledge less accurate when it comes go prevalence (Kate MA, Hopwood T, Jamieson G. The prevalence of Dissociative Disorders and dissociative experiences in college populations: a meta-analysis of 98 studies. J Trauma Dissociation. 2020 Jan-Feb;21(1):16-61. doi: 10.1080/15299732.2019.1647915). I think that should be noted.
Anyways, their transtheoretical framework seems to not be discrediting any of those models, but instead integrating them to explain all experiences of disordered dissociation. I think that's good. It obviously takes from the PTM as it's undeniable that dissociative disorders can be post-traumatic, and from the SCM as features like introjection and fantasy do absolutely take a part in how lots of systems function. From what I read, it's not a bad thing. With my own experiences being that of non-trauma based polypsychism I can 100% believe that for example treating an internal voice as not your own can lead to experiences of multiple selves. I would know, I'm that voice (plot twist!!)
Whether DID can develop in the complete absence of trauma is debatable, however. Not impossible mind you, simply because there is currently no way to test it.
You cannot prove that DID is always caused by trauma. You also cannot prove that DID is not caused by trauma. Both of those statements are generalizations that cannot be valid because dissociation itself is not proven to come from anything. It's a mechanism. An experience. Of course, trauma is very very much linked to higher degreed of dissociation, but saying something is always or never cause by something is a very bold claim.
You can't even prove that DID is mostly caused by Trauma. What if there was a massive rural population somewhere in the world that all had symptoms of DID that were demonstrably not caused by trauma? Of what if every single person with symptoms of DID does in fact have trauma? We can't know.
I'm tired, I'll continue this tomorrow if I remember. Toodles! Syscourse is fine on this post btw, but I can't stop you either way soâźď¸
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yay! Iâm gonna rapid fire send a few short ones but thereâs no rush in getting them all answered! okay so youâve mentioned that sukiâs love language is touch, but what about everyone else? -đâ¨
Ooooh! Good ask! Iâm assuming you want the L.Y.E cast but Iâll add a few extra characters into the mix. Iâll do just the male characters for this post and do a female list at another time if yâall want it!
I also separated giving/receiving love languages because a few characters I feel would give love different to how they would like to receive it.
(Also this took SO LONG to finish Iâm sorry for making you wait!)
Love Languages
đĽKatsuki BakugouđĽ
Gives in Touch / Receives in Touch
Receiving: As Iâve said before, Bakugouâs love language is touch, and as Iâve also said heâs super uncomfortable with people touching him casually because he just expects physical contact to hurt in some way or another. So once he does get a SO itâll take a while for him to open up to any sort of physical affection, especially in public. At the start of the relationship the best theyâll get is holding hands, and even that is more a possessive gesture than anything else, itâs meant to signal to anyone passing by that this person is his and his alone.Â
However, after a bit of time Bakugou will open up to his SO and allow himself to accept the affection they give. Itâll start with the hand holding, progress into accepting hugs without complaint, to even letting his SO play with his hair while he lays in their lap and tells them about his day. Itâll eventually become apparent that Katsuki loves to be touched, craves it even, though heâd never admit to this outright. Itâll take a while to get there but gain his trust and heâll accept any sort of physical affection his SO has for him.
Heâll still never tolerate anything further than a chaste peck on the cheek in public though. He loves the gesture donât get him wrong but Pro-Hero Ground Zero (Bars Dude âđ˝) does have a reputation to uphold you know.
Giving: Katsuki loves to be touched sure but he also loves to touch. Similarly itâll take time for him to get comfortable with giving physical affection but once there he canât help but wrap himself around his SO nearly all the time.Â
If heâs out with them heâs got an arm around their shoulders or their waist.Â
If heâs home with them and theyâre doing something heâs right there next to them, bumping shoulders so frequently he might as well just press himself to his SO and stay there. Or heâs behind them, arms wrapped around their waist and head on their shoulder watching whatever theyâre doing.
If theyâre laying down or relaxing in anyway heâs laying under them, next to them, on top of them, doesnât matter to him as long as heâs there with them. Katsuki has never been good at expressing his feelings verbally, so he Koalaâs himself to their form and just hopes all his emotions can transfer through his body and into theirs and they can understand how much he loves them.Â
đĽŚIzuku MidoriyađĽŚ
Gives in Gifts & Words of Affirmation / Receives in Words of Affirmation
Receiving: Listen, after a childhood full of being looked down on a belittled for being Quirkless, Deku has developed something of a mental blockage about his own self worth. The fact that the most common way for people to refer to Deku is as âThe Plain Oneâ doesnât help his inferiority complex. Even after years of having One for All he still has lingering doubts about his capabilities and desirability.
So when his SO tells him something they like about him, even if itâs something as simple as âI like your outfit todayâ he is over the moon about it and wonât stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.Â
Heâs more than a little embarrassed about it, he thinks it makes him narcissistic and shallow in a way, but he simply canât get enough of the praise his SO gives him (maybe or maybe not has a praise kink like who knows ya know).Â
It gives him a rush to hear it, to know that he means something to someone, to know heâs appreciated, loved, and desired by at least one person. A simple âI love youâ is all he needs to make his day, any sort of affirmation is the highlight of his week and he craves it like a starving man craves food.
Giving: Izuku loves to compliment his SO, but he also tends to assume that they, unlike him, already know their value. He doesnât think his words hold nearly as much weight to his SO as their words do for him. So while heâll definitely lay on the verbal affection pretty thick heâll also supplement it by going out of his way to never let a week pass without getting his SO a gift.
Itâs usually something small, just something to let them know he was thinking about them throughout his day. Since Izuku never let his fanboy behavior of obsessively taking notes go, he definitely knows his SOâs favorite everything ever so they can expect to frequently receive their favorite candy, flowers, etc, on a regular basis.
â¤đ¤Shoto Todorokiđ¤â¤
Gives in Gifts & Quality Time / Receives in Gifts
Receiving: Now Gifts as a love language often get a bad rap for being the choice of the rich and materialistic; itâs seen as the shallowest of the love languages by a non-insignificant number of people. Shoto, however, is not interested in expensive and highly-sought after gifts like cutting-edge tech, lavish jewelry, or any other similar staples of wealth. Heâs too used to his father getting him things like this to try and win his affection and display the affluence of the Todoroki family. No, Shotoâs not interested in that, Shoto loves gifts that indicate the giver was thinking about him.
What I mean by this is that if someone were to give Shoto a nice watch as a gift heâd say thank you and would definitely wear it but wouldnât give it a second thought; but if someone where to give him something they hand crafted, like a painting, a ceramic vase, or hell even one of those shitty friendship bracelets everyone who went to bible camp had to make, Shoto would cherish it like it was his own child. Heâd be up thinking about it for weeks, completely overwhelmed by the genuine love behind the gesture.
If his SO is not the creative type and isnât prone to making things, they can still achieve this same affect by just getting him something he likes. Pop in to his agency with some cold Soba or his favorite candy? Heâd be flustered to the point of needing to take his lunch break early just to calm down. To Shoto, the ultimate display of love is taking time out of oneâs day to make him something or bring him something he enjoys.
Giving: As much as Shoto dislikes the giving of expensive gifts as a way of showing love, itâs really one of the only ways he knows how to express it. Gifts were they only way he was shown affection as a child, so gifts are the only language his brain really understands. Heâll get his SO anything they could possibly want, anything they even vaguely express the desire for theyâll have in a heartbeat.Â
His SO was talking about a cute outfit they saw the other day that was slightly out of their price range? Consider it theirs. Were they thinking about replacing their old laptop? Heâd get them a new one shipped to their address in less than a week. Even if they just need their tires replaced Shoto wouldnât hesitate to get it taken care of.
Naturally, this can be incredibly overwhelming and discomforting, especially if his SO isnât wealthy to begin with. So when it becomes apparent that his SO is uncomfortable with this indulgence his backup way to show affection is to spend time with his SO. Shoto is an excellent listener, and thereâs nothing he loves more than to listen to his SO tell him about their day.
Shoto is attached by the hip to his SO most days; when heâs not at work heâs with them, doing his best to fill their average days and menial tasks with fond memories together. He turns a regular night at home into a cluster of warm and loving moments by spending as much time with his SO as possible. He simply cannot fathom ever wanting to be apart from them.
đHitoshi Shinsouđ
Gives in Acts of Service / Receives in Words of Affirmation
Receiving: Hitoshi Shinsou has a lot of self-doubt, even after years of training and proving to himself and others that yes he can and will become a Pro-Hero, he still cannot overcome the lingering sense of uncertainty about himself and his abilities. Imposter syndrome who? Hitoshiâs never met her and yet she lingers on his shoulders and weighs him down even after all these years.
So when Hitoshi does finally open up and start dating someone, heâs not entirely sure how to handle being frequently told that heâs loved. Being complimented on his appearance sure, he thinks heâs cute enough and dresses well; but being told something like âYou did great on your last mission! You really handled the situation so wellâ or âYour cooking is excellent, you always know exactly what I like!â will send him into a mini identity crisis.Â
He never really thought he did anything exceptionally well, and yet here is this person telling him heâs doing everything exceptionally well? It doesnât make sense to him but that doesnât mean he wonât eat the praise up and revel in every kind word.
Giving: Hitoshi has spent so much time focused on his Hero Career, (working twice as hard for half the recognition someone with a flashier quirk would get, yes Iâm still bitter) that heâs spent very little time getting to know other people. Mr. âIâm not here to make friendsâ has suffered in Human Interaction department because of this, getting close to other people is not his strong suit.
So once he does get an SO heâs not entirely sure how to let them know he loves them? Sure he can tell them but actions speak louder than words right? So he takes to doing things for them whenever he gets the chance. If they work at the same agency heâll handle some of their paperwork for them. If they live together heâll be sure to keep up on the laundry and dishes, even if heâs the one doing them most of the time. He doesnât mind taking responsibility for the chores, itâs how he shows his love.
Hitoshi might not have the best intuition when it comes to other people but one thing he does know is that everyone likes to have their work load lightened, even if itâs only a little bit. So any chance heâs got to do that for his SO heâll take it in a heartbeat.
âĄDenki KaminariâĄ
Gives in All of them / Receives in All of them (lmao)
Receiving: Thereâs no one more familiar with rejection on this list than Denki Kaminari. Much like Mirio heâs a natural flirt, but unlike Mirio he lacks the overwhelming brightness and charm that lights up the room the second he walks in. Because of this Denki has become rather close with the concept of being curved.
Denki doesnât let it get him down; heâs got a very easy going personality, so itâs not like heâll never find someone! Itâs only a matter of time before he comes across someone who likes him for him, right?
That was easy to believe back at UA, but heâs an adult now with a flourishing career as a Pro-Hero and yet still canât seem to find someone. The last thing he wants is for this to make him bitter and reserved, but it becomes increasingly difficult to deny that it hurts. Is there something wrong with him? He canât help but feel like heâs just unpalatable to the majority of the population.
So when Denki does manage to find an SO heâs over the moon about it. Heâs so desperate for any type of affection that heâs open to any kind of love his SO can give him. Is their language gifts or words of affirmation? Heâll cherish every present and kind word they can give him. Is their language Quality Time or Acts of Service? They can expect him to never leave their side, or to shower them with praise and thanks, never letting them forget how much he appreciates them and all they do for him. Is their love language touch? Theyâll have full access to his body 24/7, anytime, any day, just say the word. Denki just wants to be loved so badly.
Giving: Just as Denki is open to receiving any kind of love, heâs also open to providing any kind of love. If his SO wants gifts heâll go bankrupt just to shower them in any material possession they want. If they want his time heâll give it to them, his touch his hands will never leave them. If they want his praise heâll be sure to never shut up about them and their accomplishments, if they like acts of service than call him Nicki Minaj because yes heâll do the cooking, yes heâll do the cleaning.Â
Anything his SO wants heâll do it for them, heâd let them walk on his face as they come in the door if they wanted to. He canât stand the idea of his SO leaving him, heâd die before letting go of the love he has with them. Heâs convinced that if they leave him heâll never find it again, at the end of the day he might just be right.
đEijirou Kirishimađ
Gives in Words of Affirmation / Receives in Words of Affirmation
Receiving: Eijirou Kirishima is not full of himself, not in the slightest, but that doesnât stop him from getting butterflies every time someone compliments him (especially on his quirk or pro-hero work). He knows heâs not as flashy as others in his field, but heâs making due with what he has. If anything, heâd just like to have his hard work recognized every now and again.
Eijirou dislikes that his love language is words of affirmation, but he canât deny the fuzzy feelings he gets when his SO praises him, or compliments him, or even just tells him they love him. Much like Denki, Eijirou just needs to be loved to feel fulfilled, and heâs not one to question the motives of the people he cares about. So just telling him how appreciated and loved he is will make him believe it. Just being the world to one person is enough for him.
Giving: Likewise, Kirishima will give back all his lover gives him tenfold. He knows thereâs not enough kindness in the world so any chance he gets to tell his SO how wonderful they are and how much he appreciates them heâll take it. Kirishima loves to see his lovers face light up when they receive a compliment from him, even if its something small like how nice they look that day. Itâs like an addiction, he canât get enough of the pure unadulterated joy.
đĽ˘Tamaki AmajikiđĽ˘
Gives in Words of Affirmation / Receives in Quality Time
Receiving: Tamaki Amajiki is an introvert, that much is readily apparent after meeting him for the first time. He wouldnât call himself a loner per say, he just prefers solitude to spending time in big social groups. Heâs got a very small social battery, it gets depleted very quickly and takes a while to re-charge.
So when Tamakiâs SO offers to spend some time with him and a day he had scheduled to be alone heâs every so slightly disgruntled about it. He loves his SO with all his being but he really does need the time alone.
Of course he canât turn them down though, so he just makes peace with the fact that heâll have to re-work his brain to get into the âhuman interactionâ mode again for a while longer that day.
That is, until it becomes apparent that actually he loves to be alone with his SO. Anything he had planned for that day is made infinitely better with their presence. Anything from reading, to shopping, to just cleaning house, heâs not sure how they do it but the tasks just somehow become exponentially more palatable and enjoyable with his SO around.
Tamaki quickly starts to take little blocks out of his day just to spend with his SO, even if itâs just something small like getting a coffee together and chatting for twenty minutes outside the cafĂŠ. Life is just better with his SO around, easier with them around, and he every time he has to leave heâs counting the minutes till he can come back and see them again.
Giving: Tamaki has never been good with words, but that doesnât stop him from needing to shower his SO in praise and love. He just canât hold back whenever he sees them, he has to pay them a compliment on something, even if itâs just what scarf they chose to wear that day. He just needs them to know that he sees them, sees the effort they put in every day, and admires their dedication and work ethic.
Tamaki hates that his stutter gets in the way of this, but another thing he loves about his SO is that they never seem to mind. They donât get irritated with him about it, nor do they tell him to just spit it out. It really helps his anxiety and nervousness and he canât help but bring it up every time they meet as well. He knows he sounds like a broken record, but it kills him inside to think of his SO going even one day without knowing how wonderful and special they are to him.
âMirio Togataâ
Gives in Quality Time & Touch / Receives in Quality Time
Receiving: Much unlike his best friend Tamaki, Mirio is an extrovert through and through. He loves spending time with people and canât get enough of being around them. Heâs invigorated by company and is always open to making new friends.Â
That being said he also makes it a point to make time for the most important people in his life, and the best way to let him know that heâs cared for is to return the gesture. Nothing excites Mirio more than getting a text or a call from a loved one inviting him out to spend time with them. Heâs so ecstatic that someone would not only be thinking of him, but actually want to take time out of their day to see him. Just wanting to be around him is the quickest way to his heart.
Giving:Â Mirio loves spending Quality Time with his SO, not a week goes by that he doesnât plan a date with them. He pulls out all the stops as well, romantic picnics atop a hill, stargazing on the roof, catching a movie, or even just going to the beach for an afternoon. Mirio will never cheapen out on a date, he wants the time with his SO to be memorable so heâll put his heart and soul into treating his SO right while out with them.
Mirio has also gained the reputation of a flirt, and for good reason. Heâs incredibly charismatic and charming, the only thing smoother than his words and cheesy one-liners is his hands. He keeps them soft and moisturized so he can run them over his SOâs body with little to no resistance.
Mirio loves capital L LOVES touching his SO. Not a day goes by that he doesnât have his hands on them if he can help it. He wants his SO to feel cared for, appreciated, and above all loved to the highest degree, and if that means he gets to grope them for hours on end to prove that then so be it. If his extended deep tissue massage ends up getting more physical than he had first intended it to be than no one will hear him complaining about it. It definitely wasnât his plan in the first place...
đŚ
Keigo TakamiđŚ
Gives in Touch & Gifts / Receives in Touch
Receiving: Keigoâs had a hard life, which is to be expected of a man taken in by the Hero Commission at such a young age and essentially turned into a pawn. Heâs not used to letting people get close to him, for both their safety as well as his own.
Itâs highly unlikely that heâd end up with and SO, but Keigoâs never been good at telling himself no, so should he find someone he really wants to pursue heâll do it, consequences be damned.Â
Keigoâs never had a normal romantic relationship with someone, but it doesnât take long for him to find out that his favorite part of it is being physically intimate with his SO. He loves having their hands all over him, it sets his skin alight and electrifies him in a way heâs never felt before.
Touching doesnât have to just be sexual either, he can spend just as long cuddling with them, wrapping them in his arms and dwarfing them as he covers them with his wings.
Speaking of his wings, he absolutely loves when his SO touches them. He leaves a feather or two with them every day, just so he can always be touching them in one way or another. He loves to be on patrol and feel them gently stroking it, running their fingertips over it or brushing it across their skin. He nearly plummeted out of the air the first time he felt them kiss it. Keigo would rather pluck each and every feather out of his back one by one than not be able to touch his SO again, he couldnât even bear the thought of losing their physical affection.
Giving: Keigo isnât one to take without giving back, so touch for touch Keigo will match his partners affections. Heâs definitely into body worship and can spend hours on end just running his hands over their body, mapping every inch of them under his palms. His favorite pass-time is to sit and massage his partners back and shoulders while they tell him about their day. Any excuse to have his hands on his SO heâll take it.
Keigo sometimes doesnât feel like thatâs good enough though, he feels like when he offers touch as a form of love heâs simply offering himself to his SO. That just wonât do for Keigo, thatâs just not enough in his mind. To him itâs pompous to assume that heâd be enough for anyone at all, no matter how much is SO might tell him differently.
So to supplement this heâll shower his SO in gifts, often of the more expensive variety. Whatâs the point of being a famous and wealthy pro hero if he canât spoil the people he loves. He definitely has some bird like tendencies as well so his SO can expect to get a lot of random gifts with âIt was shiny and I thought youâd like itâ as they explanation behind it.
đĽTouya TodorokiđĽ
Gives in Acts of Service & Touch / Receives in Acts of Service
Receiving: Listen, Touya is used to people only doing things for him out of hear or because they need something from him in return. He ran away from home and was presumed dead from a pretty young age, so heâs had alot of time to figure out that if he wants something done heâs either doing it himself or threatening someone to do it for him. People donât do things for Touya because they like Touya, they do it because they fear Dabi.
So when he, against his very nature, decides to settle into a relationship with someone heâs not entirely sure how affection is displayed between partners. So heâs reasonably skeptical when his SO starts to just do random nice things for him, like cleaning up a mess heâd left for later or bringing him dinner when they knew he missed lunch and breakfast.
He just canât fathom why his SO would do something like this on a whim, and just decides to bring up that if they needed him to do something for them, they didnât have to butter him up like everyone else did. Needless to say he was surprised when they told him they just do these things for him because they love him.
Well heâs not entirely sure about that but heâs never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth now has he? Since they last person to genuinely give a shit about him was his mother Rei and brother Natsuo heâs not about to let someone who says they love him go. Especially not if they continue to do nice things for him.
Giving: Touya Todoroki would never deny being an absolute asshole, he just doesnât give a shit about anyone or anything most of the time. That being said, heâs not one to be in debt to anyone either. If his SO is performing acts of service for him then dammit heâs going to do the same.Â
He canât help with things like house work (not that he would if he could) but he can definitely do things a little more underhanded than what his SO is comfortable with. Should his SO need something they canât afford they can consider it theirs as long as they donât ask where it came from. If theyâre having trouble with someone at work, be it a manager or just a co-worker, they neednât worry about it for long. Again, just donât ask where that person might have gone off to...
Another thing about Touya is that he despises being touched, absolutely hates having anyone's hands on him for almost any reason. If youâre not fucking then donât touch him without expecting fiery repercussions.Â
That being said, Touya also knows (or at least he assumes?) that most healthy couples enjoy touching one another, even when theyâre not fucking. So heâll suck it up for his SO and let them cuddle into him on a cold night, but heâll make it a point to bitch about it the entire time.
đŽTomura ShigarakiđŽ
Gives in Quality Time and Acts of Service / Receives in Touch
Receiving: For very obvious reasons Tomura Shigaraki does not touch people, not unless he intends to harm them of course. His biggest fear is hurting someone he cares about simply because he couldnât keep his hands to himself.
Fortunately for him he rarely lets anyone get close enough for this to be a persistent problem for him, occupational hazard of being a villain you know; but should he manage to find himself an SO heâll quickly be overwhelmed by the need to touch them in some way or another. Even if itâs just letting them sit in his lap for a minute, he desperately needs to be in contact with this person who (against their better judgement, in his own opinion) has seen past his flaws and enjoys being around him.
A loophole is quickly found though, he canât touch his SO, but his SO can certainly touch him. He absolutely loves it when they do it as well, any sort of physical affection he eats up with a rabid fervor. It can be something as simple as brushing their knuckles across the back of his neck as they pass behind him thatâll make him go absolutely feral. Their touch is like a drug and Tomura is hooked.
Giving: While Tomura would love to express his affection with touch heâs really just not able to do so without getting sick with anxiety. So instead he makes sure to spend as much time around his SO as possible. Being a villain gives him quite a lot of down time, these evil plots donât just appear out of thin air! So while he is planning his next move he goes out of his way to include his SO, or at least make sure heâs near them while doing so.Â
Having his SO around near constantly not only ensures that theyâre safe but also helps to make the time he has to spend around the rest of the LOV more bearable. His SO really is the only person he can tolerate for an extended period of time.
That being said, should his SO need help with anything Tomura will gladly oblige. Heâs not one to help with dishes or cleanup, but say his SO needs someone to disappear quickly? Heâs got no issue getting his hands dirty and reducing said person to dust. Tomura would dust the entire world if it meant his SO would be happy.
#answered#love langauges#mha#bnha#katsuki bakugo#izuku midoriya#shoto todoroki#hitoshi shinsou#denki kaminari#eijiro kirishima#tamaki amajiki#mirio togata#keigo takami#touya todoroki#dabi#tomura shigaraki#extra stuff#headcanon#ask prompt
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Never apologize for your long thoughts and tangents!!! Those take time and I appreciate the detail you go into. I'm sorry for not being clearer in my ask, I think my sleep deprivation got to me lol; I was actually asking about your thoughts on their friend groups/skills in university bc even though they have so much more...time and space to make friends, I always wondered how many they would really make in college and esp people like Hikaru and Kyoya
all good, all good! iâm glad you enjoy because i have SO much fun writing them out, even if you and i are the only people who actually click âread more.â anyways. thoughts. i have so many. oh god. i know you said not to apologize but. this is so much. and i only covered the friend thing, i didnât even talk about skills. i will def think on that though because i have opinions on everything. well here we go i guess:Â
i think one of the things i experienced in college was just a huge influx of opportunity. like. i was living with people that i saw all the time and thus became friends with them, and then friends with their friends, and then people in my classes, and people in the extracurricular projects i did-- like. there were just so many new people, and i go to a relatively small school.Â
all of that being said, my experiences are (a) only my own, and i donât think that everyone does this, and (b) very, very, very american. like. the quintessential âdie over college apps and then thrive in collegeâ american experience. iâm sure that a lot of my experiences wouldnât apply in japan (just based on what i know from other media iâve consumed / people iâve talked to), but some of them are pretty universal, i think.Â
okay all of that out of the way. i think that haruhi is going to have a very similar experience to me in that she doesnât have a huge world outside of the hosts while at ouran, but once she gets to university, sheâll really thrive and branch out and find Her People, you know? over the course of the manga, she progressively learns to take initiative in things, as well as keep herself from burning out over that, and i think thatâs something she continues to work on throughout university.Â
tamaki would also be able to branch out a bit, but at the end of the day, the hosts are his family. the hosts are the people he cares about. he definitely makes other friends, and definitely cares about them, but he loves the hosts. i think he has trouble prioritizing anything other than the other hosts, which makes it hard to make new friends, at first.Â
once he figures out that you can like. have multiple friend groups, heâs great. he also, i think, has to really accept that the other hosts are at different universities and are going to be making new friends, too, and heâs not going to be their âkingâ anymore. theyâre all going to have to find different paths, and he has a lot of trouble accepting that for the others, even more so than he has trouble with it for himself.Â
kaoru does a similar thing to tamaki, i think, where he has trouble making friends only because he has trouble accepting that everyone else is also doing new things without him. especially hikaru. we see him-- in both the manga and in the anime-- have trouble with the idea that their little family is going to break up, almost to the same extent that tamaki fears it. i think that really holds him back for a while, but once he accepts that, though everyone is moving on, they all still love each other, heâll be able to make new friends.Â
and oh god once he starts making friends, kaoru goes for it. he branches out wildly in university. heâs spent his whole life just sharing everything with hikaru, and once he starts trying to find out who he is apart from hikaru, he tries everything. he dyes his hair. he dresses like an e-boy. he joins a band, and then quits immediately. he wears dresses. he learns to do make up better than anyone else he knows. he takes every class he can.Â
he also burns out, i think, probably during his second year of trying everything new and figuring himself out. once he recovers from that lapse, where he kind of gives up on everything, he then settles down into being a person that heâs happy with. jesus christ ok thereâs this really good demon-megane post that i have been trying to find for AGES that i simply cannot find, about how kaoru and hikaru are when they get to university and have to work on their codependent relationship. i think about this post every fucking day. itâs so good and itâs so relevant rn. iâm gonna go looking for it again later.Â
okay and this is gonna be a hot take, but i donât think that honey and mori figure out how to make friends at university either, at least not until everyone else has graduated ouran and is off to university. in the manga, itâs honestly like they didnât even graduate-- they go back to ouran for a lot of lunches, and they see the other hosts all of the time. i donât think that, if theyâre doing that, then theyâre going to be able to make many friends at university.Â
but once everyone has graduated, i think that theyâd be able to branch out better. as soon as they donât have a significant fear of missing out on host club shenanigans and their old friendsâ lives, they can kind of move on and find other people-- which is just. gonna be so good for them. mori, especially, would have a great time in college trying out new things without worrying about honey (mori has eldest daughter syndrome, change my mind). honey has always been popular and charismatic, and once he truly moves on from ouran emotionally, i think heâs going to have a great time making friends.Â
and on the other end of the spectrum, i think kyoya would be. suffering. like. heâs friendly with people, but he doesnât have friends. heâs so focused on studying himself to death that he doesnât have time for emotionally valuable friendships, and i donât think he really wants them either. like i said in that last post, i think heâs pretty satisfied with what heâs got, and heâs not going to want to branch out much. also i wrote an entire fic about this lmao.Â
similarly, hikaru would have the worst time trying to make friends. i think that he has one of the most impressive character arcs throughout the manga, but he still has a long ways to go in terms of his social skills. and if weâre talking anime-only, hikaru has absolutely no idea how to like. be a good friend. heâs so used to just using people that itâs hard to not do that. and even then, heâs so wrapped up in the hosts that he doesnât really know how to find other people.
side note, but i think heâd also have a lot of trouble at ouran after tamaki + kyoya graduate, because he really just doesnât know how to find people outside of the hosts. during university, he probably has a lot of trouble figuring himself out-- what he wants to do with his life, with his career, with people. he doesnât like. seek out clubs, and just takes random classes, and doesnât reach out to anyone. i love him so much, but heâs definitely a mess in university. he figures it out, i think, but it does take him a hot sec. he needs a year to learn how to stop burning bridges via anger issues, and how to not rely on kaoru for the social skill aspect of a friendship, and what he actually wants to do with himself. GOD. iâm thinking about that post AGAIN. every time i think about the twins i think about that post it is KILLING me.Â
but in conclusion, all of the hosts miss each other so terribly during university, and they have such a rough time trying to figure out new relationships. except for haruhi, who fuckin thrives in university, except for the fact that sheâs studying all of the time and doesnât know how to manage her time. but thatâs just the #college life. anyways i am SO curious to hear other peopleâs thoughts on this bc itâs a very very interesting question!Â
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Sk8 Character Thoughts
Yeah, so yâall have to deal with me venting my latest obsession, lol. Sorry to everyone who followed me for other stuff, I will get back to it eventually. ^^;
I was gonna write out individual walls of text for everyone to be fair, but I decided thatâs too much work and Iâd go crazy before I finished (plus Iâm feeling guilty for neglecting my fanfiction writing), so Iâm just gonna bullet point some of the random things I think about various skaters (opinions and theories).
The order is the approximate order of which I like characters, though itâs not a strict ranking. I like most of the characters in the show to some extent.
Adam (Shindo Ainosuke)
Iâve already said a lot about him, you can check it out here and here. Iâll probably end up saying more about him before the show ends, too. xD
Yes, he is an absolutely awful person, but thatâs what makes him amazing.
I will say that he needs a better costume designer. He looks like a clown. It looks like something that he designed when he was, like, five years old.
The mask is great though. <3
Cherry Blossom (Sakurayashiki Kaoru)
I love the super analytical types, but I also feel like Carla is a crutch for him. Heâs a great skater, but if he didnât have Carla, I donât think heâd be able to compete at the level of the other top skaters. But all the more props to him for finding a way that he could compete at that level.
He totally had a thing for Adam before. But I think that even then, Adam was too fucked up to be able to have a romantic relationship, so nothing came of it. Because if Adam did actually learn what real love was like rather than confusing abuse for love, I donât think he would have turned out the way he did.
Itâs pretty clear that until he gets smacked by Adam, heâs still looking up to Adam and clinging to what they had before. And it bleeds into his non-skating life as well: when he did his calligraphy demonstration, I think that he hoped Adam would see it, which was why he picked that specific phrase and explained it--to let Adam know that it wasnât too late to make amends (not that Adam would have given a fuck even if he did see it).
I love his character design as a teen, and Iâm sad that heâs become more respectable-looking (though still hot af) as an adult. Iâm a sucker for guys with long hair in anime/manga.
He is absolutely a weeb. Heâs made an AI assistant who he calls Carla, which creeps out Joe (in a cute, lovable way, not in an Adam way), and he incorporates her into almost all aspects of his life. Like, he just happens to have an AI-augmented wheelchair handy, why?
He also dresses up like a ninja when heâs skating, goes around in a kimono in his daily life, etc. etc. Okay, maybe the kimono can be excused since heâs a calligrapher (though Iâm pretty sure thatâs not the norm regardless, except for maybe if the artist is at some sort of exhibition?), but peopleâs costumes seem to show off who they really are beneath the mask they put on for society. So Cherry secretly wants to be a ninja. xD
Iâm not on any specific ship, but if I had to pick one to board, it would be Matchablossom.
Can we please have a spinoff thatâs just about Adam, Cherry, and Joe when theyâre teenagers?
Snow (Hasegawa Langa)
Frankly, Langaâs only up this high because I love his dynamic/rivalry with Adam. If Adam didnât exist, heâd be below Joe, maybe below Tadashi.
Not that I donât like Langa, but heâs just an oblivious skating nerd. Heâs skilled and passionate, but I donât really feel that he really stands out as a standalone character. Heâs more of a foil for other characters (mostly Adam and Reki).
I guess what stands out the most to me is his ability to improvise when heâs falling behind, since his skill level is understandably lower than most of the other people he skates against. Like finding alternative pathways to the finish line versus Shadow and Miya, or using Joeâs strength to propel him forward. Or just, like, flying off the edge of a cliff to take a shortcut. That too. xD
His snow motif is pretty cool. (No pun intended.)
And I wonât deny that heâs cute. Heâs actually the reason I started watching, because I saw some fanart of him and got curious. Came for the Langa, stayed for the Adam. <3
I feel bad for him for having a jealous jerk as basically his only friend though.
Joe (Nanjo Kojiro)
Heâs such a teddy bear. <3
Joeâs the heart to Cherryâs brain, and I adore the way they balance each other out. I love Vitriolic Best Buds.
What surprised me, though, is that Joe seems to have a better understanding of Adamâs current character than Cherry does, since Cherry is so precise and analytical. Though the flashback clarified that some since itâs pretty obvious that Cherry is/was biased where Adam is concerned. Sure, Joe was also friends with Adam back then, but it seems that Cherry was the one most star-struck by Adam.
But Joe obviously knows and accepts that Adamâs changed, unlike Cherry, though he probably doesnât know the reason why. He seemed to be expecting something to happen during the race, so it didnât surprise him when it did, though he was sad/disappointed by it. It seemed like he was concerned and wanted to warn Cherry before his race (which is super cute), and when everyone else was flinching from seeing the assault on Cherry, Joe didnât look away. I donât think he knew exactly what Adam was going to do (I donât think anyone did, lol), but he knew Adam was going to do something.
I donât think he was serious when he said the reason Adam is avoiding their beefs is because heâs afraid heâll lose, though. Yeah, he wants to race Adam, and he wants to win, but I think heâs more grounded when it comes to Adam, so he probably knows that Adam would beat him if it came down to it. Whereas Cherry legitimately thought he could win if Adam held back.
Also, his skateboard wheels are ridiculous. How do they even work?
Snake (Kikuchi Tadashi)
He got an ask post, yay, so not going to rehash it here.
I really hope that Adam realizes at some point that Tadashi is the only person who really knows and understands him, and comes to appreciate everything that Tadashiâs done for him.
Miya (Chinen Miya)
Such a brat, omg.
I get that heâs a kid, and kids are brats, and so itâs a fairly realistic depiction. I just hate kids. >.>
Pretty much the only time Iâll really like a child character is when theyâre precocious as fuck and not child-like at all, which I get defeats the purpose, but thatâs me.
Brattiness aside, he is skilled and appreciates Reki standing up to Adam on his behalf, so much so that heâs willing to spend his time training a âslimeâ just so Reki doesnât get completely crushed by Adam. And heâs also willing to work with Langa to teach him the most difficult trick in skating (the Caspar Slide) for the same reason.
Ultimately, heâs a good kid, but heâs had some bad experiences that make it harder for him to trust people since heâs afraid theyâll leave him. Heâs still willing to try, though, if people will give him a chance.
Also, the one ep when they go on vacation and Miya pretends Joe is his daddy (and Cherry is his mommy, rofl--hi Matchablossom!) to drive away the women Joeâs hitting on... hilarious.
Kyan RekiÂ
An even bigger brat.
Again, yeah, heâs a teenager and teens are âjust like that,â but I hate those kinds of characters.
Just because his friend is a skating genius, he gets all pissy and stops being friends with him? Showing up to cheer Langa on and then completely running away doesnât redeem him in my eyes. I get that heâs disappointed that heâs not capable of skating at the level of the top skaters and frustrated that Langa surpassed him so easily, but thatâs no excuse to take it out on Langa (or anyone else).
And everyone complains about Adam being possessive, but they just gloss over the fact that Reki repeatedly tries to force Langa to promise to not skate against Adam, even roping in their manager, when he knows that Langa likes accepting challenges and has fun doing them. He just wants to keep Langa to himself, and heâs jealous as fuck that Langa is obsessed with skating against Adam.
Langa even explicitly tells him that heâs not racing Adam just because heâs upset about what Adam did to Reki, but because he wants to do it. Which is the exact same fucking reason Reki gives for not listening to Joe and Miya, and Langa supports his decision then. Why canât Reki do the same?
Yes, heâs traumatized because his friend who introduced him to skating was seriously injured and had to quit skating, and he got hurt skating against Adam, but just like for Adam: YOUR TRAUMA/BACKSTORY DOES NOT JUSTIFY YOUR BEHAVIOR.
Plus, the whole âweâll never disappear from your sightâ that he told Miya? Psych!
Like, seriously. He knows the kid has abandonment issues because people leave him because heâs too good at what he does, and then he just goes ahead and poofs, putting both Miya and Langa through the same exact fucking thing.
Though Iâm sure that the power of friendship will give him a miraculous recovery and heâll build a new board for Langa so Langa can beat Adam before Adam gets hauled off to jail. Itâll probably be a cheesy make-up where Langa says something about how he can only use Rekiâs boards, so itâs like theyâre skating together when he races or whatever.
I do respect his ability to observe other skaters and make boards that are perfectly suited to them, though. And he knows that heâd be good in that support role. But he wants to be the hero, so heâs suffering from eighth grader syndrome and lashing out because reality doesnât conform to his wishes.
Shadow (Higa Hiromi)
Just fucking die already, âkay?
I donât even know what to say. Heâs all caught up in his âantiheroâ complex or whatever (I donât even remember if thatâs the right term, and I donât give a fuck), and heâs got a nasty personality. Like burning Rekiâs board or threatening to have a guy tattoo âDumpster Slutâ above his girlfriendâs name.
You really expect me to believe that heâd treat his manager respectfully if they started dating when he does something like that? His polite florist persona is such a sham.
And heâs a shit skater. How the hell is he in the top 8? If they can throw in a random guy weâve never seen before (Harry), then they could have just as well put in some other trash mob instead of Shadow, who only didnât get knocked out in the quarterfinal round because he was racing a nobody.
Imo, all of his âcuteâ little tricks like throwing fireworks at his opponent or shining a laser into their eyes is worse than what Adam does. Once he does that, he relinquishes all control over the situation, so anything could happen, such as his opponent crashing into a wall or falling off a cliff, which could result in serious injuries or even death. On the other hand, Adam always remains in control when heâs trying to throw off his opponent by forcing them to dance with him and freaking them the fuck out by pushing their limits. Even when heâs holding Rekiâs head about an inch above the ground, he wonât let Reki brain himself on a rock or something. And even when he smacks Cherry with his skateboard, his attack leaves Cherry conscious and so lightly injured (relative to what could have been) that he doesnât even need to stay in the hospital. (I donât think he actually needs a wheelchair, other than probably being a bit woozy from a concussion, maybe. And maybe not even that if Joe isnât concerned enough to wake him up/keep him from being unconscious.) Yeah, Adam fucks with his opponents, but if they can get over it, they can get back on a board. Thereâs a good chance that wonât happen if they get in an accident caused by Shadow, other than for anime logic.
âWhat about Adamâs Love Hugs??â What about them? Yes, heâs not holding on to his opponents to control their falls, but the point of it is to make them flinch and fall backwards, against the line of motion. That naturally will decrease the severity of their physical injuries, unlike when Reki and Harry fall off the course at full speed versus Shadow.
The only reason he doesnât have a higher body count than Adam (or even a literal body count) is plot convenience, since heâs not the villain.
#sk8#sk8 the infinity#skate the infinity#sk8 adam#shindo ainosuke#ainosuke shindo#sk8 cherry blossom#sakurayashiki kaoru#kaoru sakurayashiki#sk8 snow#sk8 langa#hasegawa langa#langa hasegawa#sk8 joe#nanjo kojiro#kojiro nanjo#sk8 snake#kikuchi tadashi#tadashi kikuchi#sk8 miya#chinen miya#miya chinen#sk8 reki#kyan reki#reki kyan#sk8 shadow#higa hiromi#hiromi higa#random thoughts#mine
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Critical Engagement au - Weapon
Warnings: I guess stockholm syndrome fits in here. Gaining feelings for the captor. Kivera fits that sense. Non-descriptive deaths for an unknown party. Some mental manipulation in parts. There might be a shred of real feelings, but Iâll decide in future writing!
Mentions - @maiden-born-in-snowâ âs Shuri~ Her screens used in here!
Next installment will have smut, so prewarning.
Kivera was awoken to an alarm blaring, one she had gotten use to from time to time. Her attention however was on the fact it was closer to her section. Her mind muddled with drifting thoughts, memories from a distant time she barely recalls now.Â
When her enclosure was opened, she drops down to the center she is met by Misija, she had a weapon with her. Kivera looks it over, it was made for her. She reaches a hand out towards it but keeps still even as it is held in front of her.
âI know you were resting, we need you out there. Iâll make it up to you later.â Kivera rests her hands on the scythe, almost as if it fits her hands more than chakrams did. She takes it into her hands, and looks up.
âUnderstood.â The order that came with the weapon was to eliminate all who tresspassed. Misija sees Kiveraâs attention on the weapon more, she sees the awe wash over her face, at the luminescence of the weapon, it brimmed with aether and light on the blade. Ensuring it wouldnât dull.
âDo you like it? I had intended on giving this to you tomorrow after you completed another round of training, yet here we are in need of you as you are now. Iâll lead you to the heart of the complex where they will come to you.â Misija sees a flash of yellow in Kiveraâs eyes over the gift.
âI like it.â A hand is placed under her face and Kiveraâs is tilted up to look Misija in the eyes.
âIt suits you, yet I like you looking at me like that more than the weapon.â Kivera flicks an ear to the side at the words, she had heard an affection like that before. Her free hand goes to Misijaâs.
âLook at me.â Misija says, letting Kiveraâs eyes drift up to hers seeing almost ice blue eyes to her unique ones.
âI am looking at you.â Kivera retorts and there is a pause in their moment. Misija swears a glimmer of her former self shining through instead of just the persona she is now. She admired her strengths even now, how she seems to fight and overcome obstacle after obstacle. If she hadnât seen her broken down and dying herself, Misija swears the being before her was natural. In her element even among death and destruction. She might even enjoy the events later on.
âI see that, my apologies then. Letâs get you out there, before they wonder why it is taking so long.â Kivera feels a hand run through her hair, the ends dyed to fit the style she is in. Kivera follows after Misija, for her deployment to protect the castrumâs own.
Kivera was led to a room where she waits for the group being diverted down to her. Her nose wrinkles at the smell of fire and cannons. A smell she remembers from the Southern Fronts. Misija rests her hands on Kiveraâs shoulders.
âDo us proud here. You are perfect.â Misija leaves the room to allow Kivera to do her part. Kivera closes her eyes when she is alone, her ears pick up the sound of feet running her way, bells, clamor, directional yelling of where people should be going. The sound gets louder till the door to her chamber is opened.
Kivera hears the footsteps closer till they stop before her. As if they were waiting for something. Indication of what she is, what to expect. In her training with the behemoths. She had learned to strike first, and fast. She doesnât give the group time to prepare for her. The moment they were all together was when she jumps to them, aiming for their healers first. To dismantle the team fast and hard.
When she kills those down, she starts on their tanks, going in the order that devastates the team the fastest. The first wave of the dark matter she uses pulls them in before she locks them in temporal stasis, then releases them to fly back, sending a good few off the platform to the glowing abyss below.
The fight lasts five minutes at most, but for the group no one survived, the last to remain was a lone lancer which she took care of fast with throwing them off the edge. It felt anti-climatic to her, yet she was alive in the moment.
âWell done! I knew they wouldnât be a match for you, and you didnât leave anyone alive so they could recounter later. Excellent work!â Misija praises as she approaches Kivera from her side, staying in her view to not be attacked accidentally.
The praise earns Kivera looking up at her and her expression softening.Â
âYouâre proud of me?â Misija cups her face in her hands.
âMore than proud. I have no better words, and such a good outcome deserves more than just words. Iâll visit you again after youâve calmed down a bit, but Iâll help take care of another feeling you have been hiding from me. If you want my hands.â Misija runs a gloved hand down the middle of her back seeing Kiveraâs eyes glow over in need. A bit of bloodlust on top of a heat.
âYouâll help me with that?â She looks away sheepish.
âOf course I will help you with it, you shouldnât suffer in silence. I just need to gather some things for you. Be patient?â She lowers her head to sneak a kiss at her face. Kivera turns her head towards it, the haze she was feeling returning.Â
âI will wait then.â
âGood, now lets get you back to your spot. I will come to you after everyone else leaves.â Misija explains, and Kivera nods in agreement.
Once in her enclosure, Kivera is given another kiss, this one makes her head heavy, the aura in the room changes to reflect her feeling. Once Misija leaves her, she presses a hand to her own mouth tracing her lips where they seemed to tingle from the kiss.
âFeels nice.â
A few enclosures down, Misija notes how calm the auran girl is. She wonders if she has come to accept her life as it is now, she feels bad in the sense she was mistreated before she herself gained ownership of this operation. Shuriâs captors did meet their fate with Kivera. The same scientists who bought her from the traders. To make use for a proto-type. They had fused her with an albino ziz wings like they did with the black ziz on Kivera. Yet Shuri was less combative in her operation.
She didnât need neurolinks like Kivera does. Just comfort and nice things to entertain herself with. Misija sits outside the enclosure for a moment to converse with her.
âLet us know if there is something else we can get you to ease your discomforts. Thank you for telling us you are in pain. I will have one of the ladies administer a pain killer.â Misija sees her reach a hand out to the panel and she touches the other side for her.Â
âOh, and a new dress for you.â A brief smile, she was easier to please and not a ticking time bomb compared to Kivera. The stark differences between them. It amazed her.
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Heeeeey you miss me? 𼰠Iâm in a funk currently and need some cute headcanons for the RFA and Seran. (Situation: MC worked themselves to near death, so now theyâre taking a few weeks to recover from over working. How would the RFA [individually] respond??) Dont feel pressured to, do it if your able. Thanks love! ~Corvus
awe hey fluff!! Iâm replying this a little late, but hope itâll still cheer you up a little!! Hang in there ^^
YOOSUNG:
* Heâd noticed MC has been more tired than usual, how theyâd come home from work a sluggish mess, refusing to even drink or eat anything-merely dropping onto the couch and falling asleep within minutes.
* Yoosung was so worried, but he didnât know what to do-of course he took care of MC whilst they were home, cooking them dinner and sitting with them to keep them awake until they ate at least a little bit, carrying them to bed when they fell asleep on the couch...he tried telling them to take a break from their work for a few days, but MC wouldnât hear it, insisting they had to keep going as much as they could.
* Well, the day theyâd crash came sooner than theyâd think-one moment they were fine, working like usual, the next they were passed out cold on the floor, their co-workers rushing around them and frantically calling an ambulance.
* Luckily MC had assigned Yoosung as their emergency contact so he immediatly got a call from the hospital about MCâs condition-even though he was in class, at that moment he shot out of the lecture room, running to the hospital until his knees gave out.Â
* The doctors explained the situation to him-a mix of burnout syndrome with dehydration, which led to a perfect combo of MCâs blood pressure dropping low enough to make them dizzy and pass out.Â
* They explained to him that MC would need to take at least a couple of weeks off of work to recover, that they should rest as much as possible and try to relax-think about their work as little as possible, do some more enjoyable activities when they have the strength to.
* Yoosung took every word of the doctors to heart-once he took MC back home, he called his university to say heâd be unable to attend classes for a few days, and spent his time looking after MC-from making sure theyâre drinking water every hour, to eating three full meals a day and relaxing in bed-the moment they tried to get up to do some chores heâd pick them up and carry them back to bed with a disapproving frown-MC giggled, but didnât tell him how much like a mom he felt at that instant.Â
* They were just grateful to have a boyfriend that cared so much about them.
ZEN:
* Being a fellow work-a-holic, heâs been through burnout syndrome more than a couple times-so when he saw MCâs fatigue, how theyâd barely have the energy to talk when they came back home, he knew instantly whatâs up.
* He begged MC to take some time off, but they simply shook their head with a tired smile, telling him itâd be fine, that they would be good as new after a goodnightâs rest.
* Well, MC couldnât be more wrong. See, when youâre stressed to the bone, your body reacts, of course it does. And one of the ways it reacts is to lower its immune system, making you all the more prone to colds and flus.
* By morning, when Zen shifted in bed to caress MCâs cheek and gently wake them up, he found their skin burning, a clammy sheen of sweat on their forehead.Â
* Scared, he shook them awake, jumping out of bed to look around for a thermometer. MC was drowsy and woke up with a hacking dry cough, one they had for a few days now but kept trying to surpress when around Zen.
* Sure enough, MC was burning up. Without a second thought, Zen picked MC up like a ragged doll, helped them get changed and dressed into something warm, and dashed them to the emergency room, catching the eye of every doctor and nurse in there.
* It took little time for a doctor to examine MC-the problem was clear, they had a bad cold, but it was more than that, the doctor informed Zen. They seemed way more fatigued than the average cold should turn them into, and their blood results were a mess-everything was in the lows, along with more medical jargon Zen didnât really understand-he just wanted to know whatâs wrong with his MC, asap.
* âTo put it simplyâ, the doctor continued, MCâs lab results in their hands, âgiven the hours they told us theyâve been working, itâs most likely theyâve been suffering from burnout syndrome, which eventually led to them getting this seasonal flu. Theyâll be fine, weâll prescribe some mild medications for the cough and fever, and with enough rest they should make a speedy recovery.â
* Zen was the gentlest he could be whilst watching over MC until their cold passed-he was the one to call their workspace and tell everyone about their condition, and then called his own workspace-MC begged him to go to work as usual, theyâd hate to be the cause of him missing a role-but Zen shooed their worries away with a quick kiss.
*Â âYour well-being is more important than any role could ever be babyâ he promised them, and it was true-nothing mattered to him more than MC. And heâd make sure to prove that to them in the upcoming days.
JAEHEE:
* Honestly, Jaeheeâs no fool-of course sheâs worked herself to the point of passing out before, and sheâd be damned if she let the same thing happen to her MC.
* The moment MC came home a tired sleepy mess two days in a row, Jaehee knew theyâd be on the downhill of fatigue and burnout within a matter of days. She explained all that to MC, who was slouched on the couch with their eyes half-shut, but MC tried to brush it away as nonsense.
* Well, Jaehee wouldnât have it. She apologised to MC, but leaned over MC on the couch, snaking her hands around their waist...
* ...and snatched MCâs phone from their back pocket. She sent a short yet polite message to MCâs workspace about their condition and how theyâd be unable to go to work for a few days, even though MC groaned and grumbled about it for hours, but soon enough their boss replied, saying itâs fine as they gave a heads-up notice, and that someone else would be replacing them for a few days.
* Jahee still had to go to work as usual, but before she left in the morning, she made sure thereâs a hearty breakfast ready for MC along with grinded coffee beans, and told Jumin about the situation so she could leave work earlier than usual to go back to MC-say what you will about Jumin, but he also cared about his friendsâ well-being, and of course allowed Jaehee to leave, even telling her if she can work from home sheâs more than welcome to not come into the office the next day.
* Jaehe took Juminâs offer, and the next morning when MC woke up, they woke up to the pleasant scent of coffee and waffles, and as they staggered into the kitchen they saw the loveliest of sights-Jaehee, an apron tied around her waist, the sun beaming through as she cooked and hummed a happy tune, her lips pursed into a small smile.
* MC couldnât help it-they were so in love with this woman, they just had to dash up to her and wrap their arms around her waist, kiss the heck out of her as a thank you for everything; and Jaeheeâs little shy giggle only made their heart flutter further.
JUMIN:
* He wasnât home for a couple of days as he was also busy with work, so he wasnât there to see MCâs condition deteriorate-how their work hours lengthened, how they came home dead to the world each night.
* Of course he talked with them via texts daily, and they seemed as cheerful as usual in their messages-heâd love nothing more than to call MC and hear their voice, but as they were busy and he had a day packed with meetings, he never got the chance to.
* One day his phone rang from an odd number-it was Yoosung, and before picking up, he noticed the flutter of notifications from the RFA messenger on his phone, wondering what thisâd be about.
* Yoosung was frantic on the phone-he told Jumin how theyâd been looking for MC all day and they wouldnât reply to anyoneâs texts, and that when they decided to check MCâs workspace, they found out from their co-workers that MC had passed out during their shift and was rushed to the hospital where they were at right now, the whole RFA there with them.
* Jumin dropped everything. In that instant, that was the very first time he felt this breath-shuddering feeling, the one that makes your heart still-fear.Â
* He ran out of the conference room and into the car-he didnât even wait for Driver Kim to come drive him, no, he instead grabbed the car and drove like a madman to the hospital, nearly crashing at every turn, and definitely bumping into another car whilst parking-he didnât care, not right then, when his MC was in danger, their life on the line-
* Well, okay, their life wasnât really on the line, but for Jumin, any little thing that could happen to MC was life-or-death to him.
* He ran to their room, and found MC, awake and alert albeit a little tired, the rest of the RFA gathered around them-they had an IV hooked to their arm, but otherwise they seemed okay.
* He collapsed beside them on his knees as he saw their small smile, hiding his face in his hands.Â
*Â âI was so worried..â he whispered to himself, and only looked up when he felt MC shift and run their free hand through his hair; they seemed sad even though they were smiling down at him.
*Â âIâm sorry I worried youâ they said and Jumin shook his head, grabbing their hand in his and kissing their wrist.
*Â âNo, Iâm sorry I wasnât there for you. I promise you, Iâll never leave you alone again. Never.â
* He wasnât exaggerating-the moment MC was back in the penthouse he took two weeks off, and called MCâs work to tell them theyâd be resting for the following month-and well, no one could say anything to one Jumin Han, now could they?
* He spent mornings cooking them both breakfast, something he was surprisingly good at-heâd bring MC fresh tea and breakfast in bed, would spend the day with them and made sure they were resting while he caught up with what work he could on his computer.
* Heâd never admit how scared he was, but MC knew-there was no need for words. They took care of him as much as he took care of them, and slowly, theyâd both be able to put this behind them-and MC vowed theyâd care for themself more, for Juminâs sake at least.
SEVEN/LUCIEL/SAEYOUNG:
* He got worried when MC came home from work silent as a mouse for a few days, barely nodding to him in response to his greetings. They seemed so tired, they refused to eat and simply staggered up to their bedroom to fall asleep in their day clothes, much to Sevenâs dismay-he hated seeing MC like that, but he had no idea what to do.
* One morning he woke up later than usual, which was normal-MC had to get up earlier for work, but with his scedhule being as flexible as it was, heâd sometimes wake up with them, or sometimes heâd sleep in, after workign late into the night.
* Only this time as he woke, he felt MC still sleeping next to him-but it was a workday. Did they oversleep? Should he wake them?
* Gingerly, he shook MC awake, and his heart got caught in his throat-though they were breathing, as much as he shook them MC wouldnât rouse. He ended up pinching them to get a reaction, and even then it was barely a small groan, their eyes fluttering half-open.
*Â âBaby, are you okay?? Whatâs wrong?!â he asked, cuppign their face between his hands.
* MC seemed deleriously drowsy. âIâm-I canât move Iâm so-tiredâ they trailed off, their eyes fluttering back shut.
* Seven frowned. He didnât know what to do, so he decided to consult the internet while he let MC sleep some more-their symptoms seemed to match up with burnout syndrome, something heâd experienced often too, after days of being wide awake and working away on his laptop.
* He decided to let MC sleep in, and messaged their work through MCâs phone to let them know they were sick and would have to stay home for a few days. Â
* By late afternoon, MC woke up-they were still drowsy, and more than panicked when they checked the time-but Seven was there to calm them down, running his hand through their hair as he gave them a cup of tea to drink.
* For the next few days he took care of them in every way he knew, how he once took care of his beloved twin-heâd make sure they ate properly, that they drank enough water, and when they seemed a little better, that they took a walk out together for fresh air.
* Heâd never show MC how scared he was; but with the way MC held his hand, squeezing tight, he knew they knew. And he knew theyâd never let their health get this bad ever again.Â
SAERAN/RAY/UNKNOWN:
* Honestly, heâd been nagging at MC for days on end to take it easy-theyâd been coming home from work so tired, and it broke his heart to see them this way. He tried to talk to them, firm but gentle when he said they should take it easy, but MC merely brushed him off, insisting theyâd be fine-they could take care of their health.
* Well, if thatâs the way they wanted it, fine-Saeran wouldnât intervene. He simply kept a watchful eye on them.
* Until one day, as MC staggered back home from work, their gait unsteady-the moment Saeran came to greet them at the door and took in their disshelved state, he knew something was wrong.
* He had little time to react-one moment they were standing there, their hand on the door, the next they were falling to the floor like a raggedy doll, and Saeran barely managed to dash and catch them before their head hit the floor;
* He was panicked, his eyes wide, his heartbeat stammering in his chest-but instinctively, he knew what to do.
* A short while later MC fluttered their eyes open, taking in their surroundings-they were on the couch laying down, yet in their peripheral vision they could see Saeran-he was sitting beside them, holding their legs up from the knees, his face the picture of panic.
* When he saw MC awoke he let their legs fall, leaning over them to cusp their face. âMC? Are you alright? Can you hear me?â
* MC nodded, weak but alert. Saeran sighed, relief flooding him as he leaned his head onto MCâs belly, letting his shuddering breath and tear-filled eyes hide on the fabric of their shirt.
*Â âIâll call your work. Youâre staying home for the remaining week, wether you want to or notâ. He tried to sound convincingly menacing, yet the tremor of his voice betrayed him. MC nodded nontheless-it was the first time they saw Saeran this shaken up, and they didnât want to make him feel any worse.
* He looked up, letting MC see his reddened eyes. âDonât do that again please just-you mean so much to me. I canât MC, please donât-please look after yourself. Please.â
* MC tried to sit up-Saeran shifted to stop them at first, but when they frowned at him he sighed, helping them sit up on the couch. They brought their hands around his neck, one sliding down to his back as they laid their head on the crook of his neck. âIâm sorryâ, they whispered on his skin.
* Saeran shook. âNo, no donât be sorry-Just be healthy. Please, thatâs all I ask of you. Donât leave me.â
*Â âNever Sae, Iâll never leave you-weâll stay home together for a few days, gather our strength. Howâs that sound?â
* Saeran shifted away from them, eyeing them with a small tired smile. âYeah. Yeahâ he said as he leaned close, kissing their lips between every few words âIâll take good care of you MC. Iâll nurse you back to full health, I promise.â
* And he did. Heâd cook them meals, even though most ended up burnt or undercooked-MC loved them nontheless. Heâd bring them flowers from the garden and sit beside them in bed as they talked for hours, would watch over MC when they fell asleep midway through a conversation-his heart stilled until he heart their breathing even out, scared every time they went silent.Â
* And thyeâd get better. Healthy again, back to the bright MC Saeran loved. And theyâd thank him for taking such good care of them, but Saeran would shake his head with a blush, insisting he did nothing-he was just glad MC was okay.
*Â âI love youâ, was the underlying message, but neither of them had to say it-they knew already. They knew.
-send me a mystic messenger headcanon/prompt for characters reactions!-
#wow i rarely write for Saeran i should do so more often#mysme#mystic messenger#asks#prompts#mysme prompts#mystic messenger headcanons#jumin han#yoosung kim#jahee kang#saeran choi#luciel choi#saeyoung choi#zen#hyun ryu#thefluffwriter
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Episode Three
First of all...what the fuck was that challenge. And what the fuck was the logic to judging it?! I spent so much of this episode just being confused. I think it would have been so much better if they were allowed to come up with their own ideas and characters, instead of having this really narrow space to work in; that was bizarre to me. Like Just Jan could have done a really delusional, high energy character who was the worst singer in the world; that would have been funny! Instead they stuck them with these bizarre storylines that made no sense, and had very little humour in them. Idk whose choice that was but it was a choice. Anyway, let's get into the rundown!
1. Aiden Zhane
I am not living for Aiden at all. Her attitude in both episodes has let a lot to be desired for me. And also, that runway? What was that? I could buy that dress on Asos, glue some bows to it and have that look. The concept was cool, the bows falling on her? Cool idea. But if you're going to do that then you need to Do It, yknow? Like it would have been cool if she'd had a huge wig completely made of bows. Or if she'd had an umbrella and made it look like it was raining bows, or something, that could have been really cool! It could have been amazing and she took a really easy way out. Disappointing. And her performance was dull. She deserved to be in the bottom more than Nicky Doll.
The only thing I will say for Aiden in this episode is the way Brita and Redacted behaved towards her was really uncool. They did that whole "you didnt lead us at all", and then told her that they carried her? You know that if she had led them they would have totally thrown her under the bus and said "well we do this professionally and we wanted to do this, but she was the leader and she made us do that". It was totally a damned if you, damned if you don't; and that was really unfair.
2. Brita
Guys, I am Bored of Brita. I am over it, and I am underwhelmed. I haven't seen anything from her that I've enjoyed! Her looks have been dull, she's not that funny, and I dont like the way she behaves (like I said with Aiden). She wont be next to go home, but hopefully she wont be long.
3. Crystal Methyd
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE CRYSTAL METHYD! I'm so sick of them going "oh her makeup is always the same", when it has been different each time!! She has a style and a brand, but it's not the same face!! Aiden Zhane does the same fucking face, none of them have picked that out! Loads of queens come in and they only have one face! Not mentioning any names Silky Nutmeg Ganache and Roxxxy Andrews. They got away with it because they were beauty mugs and that's the type of drag this show is biased towards. Crystal Methyd is an artist, let her do herself! That runway look was ugly though. Having said all that. Her face was gorgeous, I loved her makeup, I just thought that look wasnt very her! It didn't suit her somehow, it wasn't right. But she tried really hard during the improv, and I think she did a passable job! She honestly should have been safe, fight me. I just really hope she doesn't change herself to please the judges bc she has such a great vision and point of view, and I don't want her to lose sight of how great she is.
4. Dahlia Sin
Dahlia, Dahlia, Dahlia. Speaking of being underwhelmed, am I right? I had such high hopes for Dahlia, but this week she just didn't pull anything out. I personally think the fruit sketch was really funny, but it would have been exactly the same if Dahlia hadn't been in the group. She was so focused on being ~sexy~ (which is tough in a broccoli costume), that she forgot about everything else. Plus her bows and buttons look was just...odd. from the neck up it had this very avant garde, couture feel, but the outfit itself just looked unfinished. And then to have this weird arse peekaboo thing? Really weird choice. She deserved to be in the bottom and, after that lip sync, she deserved to go home.
I have seen a lot of posts about Dahlia "storming out", and I genuinely don't understand what they're talking about? Like, okay, she didn't say anything before she walked off, does that really constitute storming off? If she'd walked off while Ru was still talking, or if she'd yelled/screamed/sworn, then sure, maybe - but from what I saw she was just upset and wanted to leave as fast as possible. Idk, also they haven't released Untucked on the UK Netflix, so maybe there was more I didnt see.
5. Gigi Goode
I live for Gigi so much. I mean come on! Her character in the improv was passed out half the time and still had presence! She's so funny, and she's not afraid to let loose and get ugly. I think she did a good job in the improv, especially for someone without all that much experience, and her look on the runway was incredible. Solid 8/10 for Gigi this week.
6. Heidi N Closet
Heidi was robbed. I bought everything Heidi was selling this week. I bought it, I didn't stream it, I didn't rent it from the Netflix, I bought it. She was so funny during the challenge; the flipper? She spat out? Iconic. She had me dying the whole time, her, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode should have their own series, I'd watch the hell out of it. Then she came bouncing down the runway as glitter Pinnochio, and she told that story about when she was at school and I loved every second! Shes so charming, and loveable, and relatable, and Jaida Essence Hall must have been gagged when she was top 2. She was robbed, she should have won, and she should keep her name! That whole thing with "the mouth has to change shape and it's not satisfying to say"? Bullshit, utter bullshit bitch. Heidi N Closet 4lyf.
7. Jackie Cox
Jackie made me so happy this week! Their whole group was hilarious, but Jackie doing the bad ventriloquist act just sent me, I loved it. And she just seems like the sweetest person as well! Her runway look was gorgeous, I loved the reference, her makeup was absolutely stunning, Jackie Cox is seriously the whole package. Her and Heidi should have been top 2 together.
8. Jaida Essence Hall
Jaida came in looking like a pageant queen, but she seriously flexed her comedy muscles this week! Her "bad apple" was hilarious, and she really committed to it! She was a firm leader in the group, but she was a good team player in the scene, she let everyone else have their moment too, and it was a good performance! I was a little bit disappointed that her runway look was very very similar to her spring mini challenge look from last week, but it was still a good look, and honestly I probably wouldnt have noticed if it hadn't been one episode after the other. She has shown a lot of diversity already, I think she just set the bar so high last week that I was really expecting something incredible, and I got something that was "just" good instead. She's still one to beat at the moment!
9. Jan
Jan made me so proud this week!! She was really funny in the skit, she had so much energy and enthusiasm, I loved it! Her jokes were funny, she picked a solid character and played it well, and can we talk about the runway though??? I really expected her to come out in something cute, because her personality is so bubbly and instead she gave me horror high fashion, monster couture and she Sold. Every. Second. It was a total transformation from the challenge to the runway and that, at the heart of it, is what I love about drag; that transformation aspect is just art to me. For me, Jan has it all. She definitely should have been top 3 this week. I think she's served the best runways so far, and I cannot wait to see what she does next week.
10. Nicky Doll
Okay, you guys know I love Nicky Doll. This week was not a good week for her. I appreciate that improv must be so hard in your second language, but I think she suffered a little bit from Dahlia Syndrome: she was so focused on staying pretty that she didn't really deliver anything. I kind of wish her character had literally just been French and spoke no English - part of the joke could have been that language barrier and Crystal/Window not understanding a word she said and her getting more and more frustrated about it. That could have been really funny. Also, her runway look...I know where she was going with it, it was a cool concept, and it was executed okay, there was just something missing, you know? It felt a little bit rushed, and again there was this real focus on being ~pretty~. Maybe if she'd looked a little more Cinderella ish, like her makeup wasn't perfect, and her hair was tied up like she was actually sewing, it would have sold me a little more character. I'm not sure, everything was just a little off for me this week, but I still think she's fierce af, and we all stumble sometimes. I'm looking forward to seeing her get back on her feet next week!
11. Rock M Sakura
Rock M was picked last for the challenge, I could not believe it. She deserved better than that, I was shook. She definitely picked the right group though, she was really funny as the Orange! She looked like she was having fun, and that's what I love about Rock M, is that I have fun watching her have fun. Her jokes were great, she matched Jan's energy, and I think she did a good job. I loved her runway look as well, the Alice in Wonderland concept was great, and I love that she kept the dress pretty simple so that the focus was on her hair and makeup! Her makeup was gorgeous, and the detail of the buttons on her face was stunning! It was a great concept, well executed, this week was a great week for Rock M, and I'm going to be furious if she gets picked last again.
12. Widow Von Du
Widow is getting The Edit. The edit that queens of colour who are talented get, where they paint them as bitchy, or loud, or as stepping on the other girls' toes; so that the audience isn't too pussed off when they get eliminated. Widow is exceedingly talented, and funny, and filled with personality. She also serves looks and delivers incredible performances. I will not let this edit take that away from her. She did great this week. She delivered everything I ordered in the challenge and more, she completely transformed for the runway, and she sold me a great presentation. Widow is definitely one to beat.
#rpdr spoilers#rpdr12 spoilers#rpdr12#season 12#drag race season 12#aiden zhane#Brita#crystal methyd#dahlia sin#gigi goode#heidi n closet#jackie cox#jaida essence hall#jan sport#just jan#nicky doll#rock m sakura#widow von du
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Hm...Usually love Sanderson but the White Sand novel/la from the newsletter really didnât do it for me. Spoilers below. ETA: uhh, and a rant.Â
This just felt...old. Like Iâm getting major Elantris vibes.Â
The problem with trying to put so many plot threads is that there were really no red herrings? Drile not being the betrayer was painfully obvious to me because there was zero doubt in Kentonâs mind, so of course it was wrong. As was Acron being more than he seemed--duh, showing someoneâs reaction to a pile of CORPSES as âwow, this is neatâ immediately checks the âhey this man is suspicious--whenâs he going to betray usâ box.
The whole Eric plot was really strange and forced to me, then it ends with him knowingly asking his friend to do something that will break him? No explanation, no reconciliation? IDK, just not super satisfying, and Iâm usually all for tragedy and pyrrhic endings.Â
Then thereâs Ais, which was more of the same. The whole book was pretty set on how much he hated Kenton, but since Kenton saving the Diem is the Obvious Goal of the story, that he would eventually turn towards him was a given. This was like whatâs his face the militant missionary in Elantris, but less satisfying, which is saying something.Â
CANNOT STAND KHRISS/KENTON. Which is probably not a surprise. Any duo whose thoughts read like âI hate you! Suffering curious woman!â and âI hate you! Maddening barbaric man!â are my guaranteed NOTP. LikeâŚI really canât imagine ever being attracted to someone that constantly annoys me. Iâm not sure I buy opposites attract. Plus, there was very little subtlety in the way they acted around each other. If it werenât for their screaming thoughts of âwhy do I care so much about him/her?â I wouldnât have seen anything resembling romance.Â
No, actually, thatâs not romance, and it would have been far more romantic to remove all of the thoughts and just show them observing each other and starting to work better together. Iâm also kinda unnerved by how they keep doing things to unnerve each other, AKA Kenton using sand to pick Khriss up/knock on her door/etc (then she slaps him, Iâm still not down on âwell  men slapping women is abuse but women slapping men is Funnyâ), and Khriss going to spy on the Sand Masters when thereâs an explicit reason given why Kenton is opposed. It just feels like theyâre ignoring each otherâs boundaries. Then on top of that Iâm supposed to believe Khriss is just so devoted to her country? Sheâs not. She wants to prove herself. So doing something in the name of country when I suspect a selfish motivation just rubs wrong.Â
Khriss kinda felt like a mashup of Siri and Vivenna, or else Sarene. Kenton felt like a cross between Elend except better at figuring leadership out on his own.Â
Called the whole Gevin thing a few chapters before it happened. I did appreciate the single line of internalization that showed he wasnât just heartless about Khriss, but doing what he thought he had to to make sure she stayed away.Â
The whole plot hinged on dramatic irony. The audience knew SO MUCH, and SO MUCH of the personal tension was âI know something you donât.â The goal-oriented plot was much more fascinating. I was vested in seeing how Kenton convinced people to vote for him, and for what Khriss found out about how sandbending worked. But so much of the plot was âcharacter A knows the answer but character B is asking the wrong question.â I donât really like âI have a secret plots (so Ais was almost painful to read), and the sheer amount of them was just annoying.Â
The unfortunate thing about the Cosmere is that it encourages you to read all of Brandonâs works, and when you do that, you see major trends. Leadership as a burden, including responsibility, compromising some ideals or moral standards, and maintaining an image? Check. Arranged marriage providing plot structure? Check. Very Religious person with a Strong Sense of Justice, an ideological Crisis (and a taboo against entire lifestyle of others?) Check. I Hate My Father and Rebel Against Authority syndrome? (looking at you, Elend and Kenton). (Though I am so glad Brandon doesnât treat arranged marriages as âOh NO! an arranged marriage Iâve been expecting my WHOLE life? My entire family who are in their own arranged marriages arranging it for me?! Oh the Shock! The outrage! How Dare they!) Side order of I Like Dressing Pretty and Balls, as well as I look Drunk and hedonistic but Iâm actually Shrewd. Not that thereâs anything inherently wrong with any of these things, they just come across as repetitive when you read them across many books.Â
Very idiosyncratic things only tangentially related to White Sand but that have resurfaced: Brandon drives me crazy every single time he tries to pun. Like, friend, youâve made it clear that this is Not Earth and these people are speaking Not English and so making puns heavily rooted in English? Stop. Just stop. (side-eyeing Wit and insults/in-sluts. Bad Brandon). Also random peeve is HalfWord capitalization. Also not a huge fan of BioChroma because...meh. Living color. I get it. I feel like his linguistic sensibilities are way better in Stormlight than usual.Â
The thing thatâs maddening is that it was well-paced and used a mystery structure, so I wasnât every bored and felt compelled to finish to answer my questions.Â
So. Satisfying things. Kenton finding out that just because he can master less sand, heâs still best at one ribbon and thereâs not a Magic Power answer. Drile killing himself in the duel via his own personality traits. Dirin getting promoted, plus the re-structuring of the Diem (though if using sand mastery for money is taboo enough that Kenton instinctively reviles against it at the beginning of the book, Iâm wondering where the pushback was from the Diem. I guess itâs explained by everyone being young or just siding with Drile?). The Lady judge in general. Deliusâ turnaround.Â
I...just need to stop now...
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Hi!!! just saw ur post that requests are opened (08/11 (GMT+8)). If it isnât please ignore this and iâm sorry. May I request that you write some Denki??? Heâs a really good boy. Maybe about how he would dress this darling up? Like clothes, makeup, etc. I imagine him to really love it when his darling is wearing his shirt and some underwear but also when his darling is all dolled up! Thank you!
Iâve written too many soft boys, lately. Iâll have to change that eventually, but tonight is not that night.
TW: Delusional Behavior, Demonization and (Slight) Stockholm Syndrome.Â
~
You didnât like halternecks. The ones that needed to be tied manually, if you were going to be specific. You felt like you were being choked, and you didnât understand why people couldnât just agree that sleeves were obviously more practical than a fancy little bow that would be coming lose all night and stressing you out, and that didnât even touch on your feelings towards the absentee back. You didnât like halternecks, you hated halternecks, butâŚ
But Kaminari liked them.
So, you were wearing one.
He kissed the back of your head as he finished tying it, the knot left purposefully slack, just barely covering the nape of your neck. Your hair had already been straightened and re-curled to perfection, make-up done more thoroughly and more skillfully than youâd ever cared to do it yourself. You hadnât enjoyed âdressing upâ, not before Kaminari came along. The process always seemed tedious, boring, a waste of time, even if the event called for it. But, heâd already made it clear whatâd happen if you didnât play along.
The burn-scars barely covered by his chosen outfitâs heightened neckline was proof enough of that.
âIsnât my baby pretty?â Kaminari chuckled, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders. Youâd been trying to avoid looking at your reflection, a task that was more difficult than it shouldâve been, considering the vanity youâd been positioned in front of. Turning away wasnât an option, not with your wrists cuffed behind the chairâs spine, so you were forced to keep your head bowed and your eyes narrowed, as closing them wouldâve ruined your mascara. Your shoulders were tense, your body far past sore, but the stiffness was better than seeing whatever his sick version of âprettyâ happened to be. When you didnât answer, Kaminari only laughed, cupping your chin and tilting your head back as he spoke. âYouâre always so professional at galas, donât you think thisâll be fun? I canât wait for the reporters to see how cute my sidekick is, these days.â
You bit your cheek, scanning over the person in front of you. It looked unnatural, uncanny, like a picture someone had painted based on a description, albeit a detailed on. Kaminari had always gone all-out whenever he had the excuse to, but it was⌠odd, seeing the same style imposed onto you. It was all the same ingredients, the same glistening lipstick and abused eyeliner and exaggerated eyeshadow, but they werenât meant for your features. âFormer Sidekick, you mean,â You mumbled, mostly to take your mind off the sight. âI think I tried to quit a few months ago.â
âDonât be like that, you retired,â He corrected, his tone never wavering. It was hard to keep up with the story heâd strung together, the ever-changing, ever-evolving plotline impossible to follow on his worst days and needlessly complicated on his best. He hummed, gently, turning away to retrieve something a little too shiny from the jewelry box on his bed, and you hoped it would be the latter, tonight. âWe decided to concentrate on our relationship, remember? Pro-Hero work was just too stressful for someone like you.â
âWonât going to a Pro-Hero function raise some questions, then?â Youâd given up on trying to talk him out of believing you wanted this weeks ago, when heâd made it clear that such a thing would lead to more suffering than it was worth. Trying to ask for help was useless, too, Kaminari clinging to your waist and interrupting any conversation you tried to have on your own, not that he let you speak to anyone else very often. Youâd be lucky if you were allowed to greet your old co-workers without his assistance, if you were being honest with yourself.Â
Kaminari didnât seem worried, either way. Sometimes, you wondered if he even knew youâd ever tried to get away, in the first place. âOh, is someone feeling shy again?â The question was punctuated by another giggle, another kiss, undoubtedly leaving a black-stain on your jawline. âIâll be happy to explain everything, and itâll be better this way. Thingsâll be simpler, without all those rules and regulations.â
âI⌠Iâm just not sure ifâŚâ Accidently, you glanced up, meeting eyes with that thing one more time. Part of you wondered if that was how Kaminari saw you, if he viewed you as someone other than the person you were. But, as soon as those thoughts surfaced, you swallowed them back down and fixed your attention on how badly the light sparkling off his choker hurt your eyes. âItâs just⌠I donât know if-â
âWeâll only be there for an hour, I promise.â This time, he stepped in front of you, cupping your cheeks just lightly enough to avoid smudging the blush and highlighter smeared along your cheekbones. âI want everyone to see how beautiful you can be, under the right care.â
You cringed, averting your eyes and fighting back the temptation to think about his words. Instead, you simply bit your cheek and focused on how smothering halter-tops could be.
#yandere#Yandere love#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yanderecore#yandere oneshot#yandere drabble#yandere imagines#yandere scenerio#boku no hero academia#yandere boku no hero academia#my hero academia#boku no hero academia imagines#yandere boku no hero academia imagines#my hero academia imagines#yandere my hero academia#bnha imagines#yandere my hero academia imagines#yandere bnha#yandere bnha imagines#denki x reader#yandere denki#yandere denki x reader#yandere kaminari#yandere kaminari x reader#kaminari x reader#possessive#obsesion#obsessive#jealousy
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What website is it easy to spend too much time on? Reddit. I used to spend hours on end on Reddit back when I had just discovered it and saw how many subreddits I can check out, but Iâve toned down these days. I mostly use scroll through the popular tag to help me fall asleep, but I still spend a lot of time on it nonetheless. What's been bothering you lately? One of my classes is a subject I never really wanted to venture into because it will demand me to be insanely extroverted, but I didnât have a choice but to take it and now Iâm worried for my sanity for the next four months. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Yeah but Iâm not as crazy for cheese as most girls around me seem to be lolol. Cheese is ayts. I mostly like it as a dip for Korean barbecue, and I donât really like the more challenging/funky cheeses. Do you ever crave affection? Yep, sometimes I act needy towards my girlfriend. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? Their main name would be their own, but I wouldnât be opposed to having their second name be a tribute to somebody important to me. For instance, if I have a son Iâve always thought of giving him Owen as a second name as an homage to Owen Hart.
Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? Itâs 2020. Weâre way past pink vs. blue now lmfao. But yes, of course. Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? I donât use those. What is the best way to curl your hair? In like the four times Iâve had my hair curled, the stylists always used a flat iron. Don't you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? Thatâs a different level of assholery, but yep I imagine that would piss me off. If you were thrown into a lion's den, would you trust God to save you? Nope, Iâll be saying goodbye to all my loved ones in my head. Do you wish you could call the police on the police? Not in this country, because most police are abusive and dicks. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. My penmanship is nicer that way, because my writing usually comes out in messy scribbles when I try to write in script. But I always regularly practice my high schoolâs unique cursive anyway so that I never forget it/get rusty at it. Were you alive before the Internet came out? No, I think the Internet was already kind of a thing by 1998. Do you like that trends from the 90's are coming back in style? Yeah tbh Iâm a fan. I love the simple t-shirt/mom jeans combo because it looks so effortless, and because itâs pieces I already have in my closet lmao. ....or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? Not really, Iâm pretty good with all the 90s stuff coming back. Some kids ruined it by wearing chunky sneakers too much, but I like all the other trends that came with it, like bucket hats and belts. What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? I honestly didnât know much about the trends when I was in high school because 1) we wore our school uniforms every single day, so imagine having one outfit 5/7 days a week, and 2) being from a Catholic school, we had a very strict dress code so itâs not like we could wear whatever the trends were. I do remember never being impressed with Roshes though. What is a horrible trend now? Hype/street clothes like DBTK. What would you do differently if you were God? Not make people suffer. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? No. If I did, Iâd run far far away from them. If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? First of all, I have to live in the US before I can leave the US. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? Sure, whatever. What is something you aren't ok with? My default answer would be homophobia. Do you know anyone who isn't fake? Sure. I know more not-fake people than those who are. Name five people you know who aren't fake. Laurice, Aya, Tina, Danika, Amanda. Do you fully trust anyone? Yes. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? What does being a âtrueâ Christian even mean? Do you think someone's value is based on how much money they have or make? No. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? Wow THIS IS THE WORST QUESTION EVER. What's one trend you're behind the times on? Tiktok. I do nooooooot understand it for the life of me and do not wish to. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? I think know-it-alls act like know-it-alls regardless of who theyâre with. Do you think it's ok to call an idiot an idiot? Not to their face, but yes Iâve used that word occasionally.
If you had a child with down's syndrome, would you keep him/her? Iâm honestly not sure, and I donât really like stressing about that kind of stuff this early. Don't you wish people who weren't qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Obviously. But thereâs little we can do, with the key word there being âhanded.â Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? People in high school would copy-paste whole paragraphs from websites or textbooks onto group papers and I hate those people to this day. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? It wouldnât be the best and smartest way to go, especially if it was the first thing I planned on doing. ...Why do you think people think this is wrong? Because I would be putting vulnerable people under limelight they never asked for, and because Iâd be talking about confidential stuff, especially if the whole ordeal is currently going through a legal process, which is stupid. Is there a toxic person that you miss? You know, despite how close I was with Athenna, Iâve never missed her. Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn't? Nope. What do you need right now? Iâm gonna need a higher inner morale for my business reporting class, which is the class Iâm really scared about. When was the last time you had a new crush? December 2013. Do you know any "Christians" who are rude and judgmental? Almost all the Christians I know are rude and judgmental. What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? I dunno. Leave it wherever itâs always been. Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? Groan. Do you pretend to be someone you're not on facebook? Why or why not? No because I have no reason to do that. Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? Ooooh interesting haha, but no. Iâm sure in this time and place theyâd get called out almost immediately. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? Iâm gonna paraphrase a quote from Friends and say âI know youâre asking me a lot of Jesus questions, but all I hear is blahhhhhblahhhhhhhhhblahhhhhhhhhh.â Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? Holy shit. Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Blue jeans. Iâve never owned jeggings. What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Anything but skinny jeans. What is something you can't wear because of your body type? I canât wear dresses that are loose around the chest area. Stuff like those are loose because the boobs are meant to hold them up and give someone a flattering figure, but if I tried to wear those, the dress would drop down all the way to my stomach lmao. If you have curves, do you like them? I have some curves, but Iâm generally skinny. I do like the ones I have though. What is the curviest part of your body? Butt. Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? I donât think so. How often do you cry? One or two times a week would be a good guess. How many Christians do you know who actually care? This is very vague. Is Tumblr all that it's hyped up to be? But itâs not hyped at all these days... Tumblr definitely already peaked a few years ago, and I donât know what people are saying about it now. At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? I donât think thereâs an age requirement for advice. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? No. What helps you fall asleep? When Iâm alone, I need it to be quiet or at the very most have white noise around, like the buzz of an aircon or the whir of the electric fan. When Iâm sleeping with my girlfriend I have to be cuddled and I have to fall asleep first, or else Iâll keep waking up and twist and turn through the night. Iâm a difficult person to fall asleep with huhuh sorry Gab :â( Do you have a nighttime routine? No. I just scroll through social media until my eyes get tired enough to fall asleep within seconds. What was the last mountain you climbed? Not sure, but it was in Sagada. Who is the fakest Christian you know? One of my titas, although I love her to death, is a very devout Christian but had a meltdown/breakdown when her daughter (my cousin) revealed she was dating a black guy. I was stunned when my mom told me all about the âdramaâ and it took every cell in my body not to explode and give a sermon to everyone else in my family who was upset about it. Just for context, Filipinos are among the MOST RACIST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET so stuff like this WILL be a big deal, especially among our traditional Gen X/Boomer population. Who are the fakest friends you've had? Athenna and Fern. Who's the most narcissistic person you know? I donât know anyone like this, fortunately. Maybe me because I like taking these surveys??? Jk :((( Who gives the best hugs? Laurice!!! Who was the last person you hugged? My girlfriend.
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đđđđđđđđ!!!!! Scream about them!!
WOW THATâS A LOT Iâll talk about two, Ashti and AverySo I have a ton of old OCs but Iâd rather talk about the new ones I started making this year after like 4-5 years of not making them anymore.
ASHTI YILMAZHer family are Yazidi Kurds living in Germany, grandparents originally are from TurkeyTender, wistful, melancholy, manipulative, explosive. Far more emotional than logical, and quick to let her bleeding heart and overpowering passion take her reins, whether in sympathy or anger. Easy to hurt, tease, and rile. Prone to sulking, pouting, and brooding, but can shout too when pushed far enough. Has strong feelings, but these make it hard for her to take a strong stance on complicated matters, since her emotions get pulled both ways. Always feels a little out of place. Beats herself up over little things. Fancies herself the mom friend but actually needs a mom friend. Moody, immature, unconditionally supportive. Will say awful things she doesnât mean in anger and prone to emotional blackmail when upset. Fatalistic, often just accepts that powers that be must have a plan, but that doesnât mean she has to like it. Warm but wary; always friendly to new people externally, but inside she's on the lookout for any sign they dislike her or are making fun of her, which sometimes leads her to read too much into innocent remarks or innocuous expressions. Feels more experienced than people from more privileged lives and groups, but also like theyâre smarter and more accomplished. Ashti definitely has very normative ideas about gender. Nothing exceptional, just common generalizations like women are more emotional, little boys like the physical play, men can be total brutes whereas women attack with cattiness, etc. Sheâs also prone to romantization of bad relationships, like that jealousy means passion, control means protection, and sticking together through all your fights proves how strong your love is instead of calling it quits. This not only means she is likely to get into and stay in toxic relationships herself, but give her friends dangerous advice to do the same when they come to her with romantic troubles Unsurprisingly, she has a tendency toward tortured bad boys and getting her heart trod on. She has a complicated relationship with her culture. On the one hand, she's proud of it and defiant against any forces that try to take away or erase it. She wants to learn more about it. On the other hand, she hates that feels she HAS to learn about it, that as a tiny minority it's on her shoulders to keep carrying this legacy or risk letting it die. And she hates that all she seems to learn is about how much other people hate her, about massacres and genocides and camps and gas, no about joy and triumphs and great works of art like everyone else seems to get to have in their background. That stuff is there too, but sometimes it seems like it's just entirely overshadowed by the ongoing history of persecution, and she doesn't WANT that, she doesn't want to be defined by the SUFFERING of her people rather than their accomplishments. And she wonders, if she has to learn so much of her own culture from books, since so much of it was torn from her family long before her parents were even born and thus they couldn't teach it to her, is it really even hers? Like, really? If she has to learn it in the same way that a non-Kurd would, is she really culturally Kurdish, or just genetically? Where's the line? And can she really count HERSELF as persecuted? Her PEOPLE have suffered terribly, but if she's never been the victim of anything truly bad or overt, does she have the right to speak on that suffering and claim it by extension? One of her biggest flaws is she doesn't know her flaws. She thinks her flaws are being insecure, emotional, and loving too much. And these aren't untrue. But she's missing a whole lot of the less flattering, less endearing aspects of her personality.Dislikes when people think they (or someone else) is a good person just because they are loyal and kind to their friends, family, teammates, etc. Even genocidal dictators usually treat their own well; what really shows who you are is how you treat those who are different from you, those who disagree with you, those that you donât know, those that you will lose nothing by mistreating?Also dislikes: Shitty apologies, they send her into an instant screaming rage * Line cutters * When people look down at fast food workers, custodians, etc., and clearly have no courtesy or respect for them (ex: carelessly leaving huge messes) * Beautiful sand sculptures because they get destroyed so fast, it actually upsets her that something that took so much talent and care is going to be so transient * Gorillas, they're scary and she's no Fay Wray * Big trucks, they make her nervousLikes: wild honeysuckle, strong tea, sweet coffee, sleepy gray cats, old patchwork quilts with a story, dark storms at sea, bright sunshine after heavy rain, rose and lavender flavored things, mountains (but not climbing them), he sight of old abandoned cottage houses overgrown with grass and vines. Sheâs always on the side of the common masses against those in power, but itâd be a lie to say she didnât watch Sofia Coppolaâs âMarie Antoinette â on wistful repeat or secretly fantasize about somehow being the lost Princess Anastasia Romanov. She also loves "Beauty & the Beast" stories like "Labyrinth" and "Phantom of the Opera" about powerful and kinda evil men obsessed with beautiful naive young ingenues. Loves photos of skeletons that are embracing in their final moments, not as in props but real remains of people were found holding each other as they died, such as The Lovers of Valdaro Would love to be a model or a beauty blogger, glamorous jobs with no imagined effort where people would love her and see her as pretty. As it is she has a job as a receptionist at a ritzy spa called Tranquility.She can pop her wrists out of place, and paints/dyes silk scarves as a hobby.Thereâs a history of mental illness in her motherâs family, itâs never been officially diagnosed, they just say theyâre âemotionalâ and âpassionateâ but actually itâs probably something more along the lines of bipolar or borderline, and Ashti isnât affected but her mother was to a degree and her sister to an even greater one and it caused a huge rift in the family that the dynamic has never really recovered from. AVERY RUE UNDERWOODWhite American trans girl, goth/grunge, pretty much constantly dresses in the same uniform of a black slip dress with a black hoodie or flannel, or some variation on this. She has tattoos of the alchemical symbols for sulfur, salt, arsenic, and mercury, chosen for their metaphorical meanings rather than scientific. Salt, mercury, and sulfur are in her back, down the length of her spine. Arsenic is above her groin. Neutral and detached, but not disinterested or apathetic, Avery approaches most everything from a position of laidback philosophical ease. When things are too tough that it gets through even her robotic shell, she disengages externally and seems ever more the automaton, while actually dwelling on the matter for days or more internally. She can recite "Cassilda's Song" by heart, and talk for hours about the racism and insanity of Lovecraft, and how both these things are misunderstood and misconstrued equally by his devotees and detractors alike. Her icon is Mommy Fortuna from The Last Unicorn, who chose her death and kept it close to her, caged and hers til the end when it tore her to pieces--welcomed by her with open arms, still hers, hers forever.Collects antique silver plated hair brushes. She thinks a lot about how everyone has a life and internal thoughts and we just donât know we can never really know another person. She likes to go to lonely personal blogs and Twitter accounts and the like and just follow. She rarely âlikesâ and even more rarely comments, she just wants to watch this little window into a random life that doesnât have an audience to be performing for like the big accounts. Maybe itâs creepy and voyeuristic but she feels such a strange tenderness for these screen names that she never speaks too. Theyâre human souls, every one of them. And maybe thereâs no God to hear them, but she does. Studies existentialist, nihilist, and absurdist philosophy. She learns less towards the middle, more towards the other two. Morbid and macabre she might be, but she's an idealist at her core. Some of her other interests include obscure mental disorders (Cotatdâs delusion, Capgras syndrome) , photos of the decomposition process, and the historical use of plants as both cures and poisons. She feels kinship with carrion-eaters like buzzards and hyenas, society sees them as disgusting and evil but they play an integral part in the ecosystem She believes that existence precedes essence. So she doesn't believe she was born with a female soul or anything like that. She just doesn't believe she was born with a male one either. She ended up with a female one, and she's going to facilitate that further, is what she believes. But she also doesn't think of her transition as becoming her real self, so much as taking away everything that wasnât âherâ so that only her real self is there. Like how Michaelangelo said he didnât make David from the marble, David was already there, he just took away everything that wasnât David. These two views contradict each other, but she works with it. She's got room for contradictions.Sheâs bisexual, but when sheâs with women, she feels like a pervert or predator next to a ârealâ girl. When sheâs with men, she feels like theyâre the perverts, and she prefers that. She prefers feeling degraded to feeling predatory. Basically sex is going to suck for her one way or another due to her dysphoria and sheâd rather it suck in the way that doesnât make her feel like the bad guy.Her family is best described as "neutral" in terms of acceptance. They're not at all hateful, and barely questioned her decision, but they're not involved closely enough with her to be really called "supportive" at all. Everyone in her clan, including herself, are too wrapped up in their own lives to really care one way or the other about each other's, and she's good with that. She prefers it. She'd rather not be interviewed, even from people trying to be helpful; this is deeply personal to her and she finds it invasive. She is pretty good at âbeing the bigger person â and not escalating things in a conflict, if only because she just doesnât give enough of a shit to. She tolerates getting yelled at, even undeservedly, really well. Sheâd be brilliant in retail, she can cope with Karens all day long and not snap or get worn down. Apathy is a hell of a shield.She doesnât hold on to people, this is good and bad. On the one hand, it means she escapes jealousy and co-dependency and needing anybody. On the other hand, some people feel it makes her disloyal or uncaring. But she's an island, and she accepts the transience of life.She doesnât seek outside validation or feel the need to be seen as right even when she knows she is. This has allowed her to avoid a lot of arguments and stress.She might not fear violence from a philosophical viewpoint, but she sure does in her natural animal instincts. This makes her edgy around certain demographics. Straight men, religious people, right-wingers, those sorts of groups. You could argue that she's unfairly stereotyping them, much as others have unfairly stereotyped her and people like her. Sure, fair enough, but she'd still rather avoid getting her head bashed in as much as she can. It's not that everyone in these groups is a violent bigot, it's just if there's going to be a violent bigot, they're statistically more likely to be in these groups. Like when was the last time you heard of a transgender woman being murdered by a liberal lesbian atheist, right? So yeah, she's stereotyping. But she'd rather be alive and a "reverse bigot" than fair-minded and dead. She's not THAT much of nihilist.Averyâs self esteem is best defined as contrarian, taking pride in herself more based on what sheâs not rather than what she is, and playing Devilâs Advocate to her own ego. Sheâs the first to admit that not being something bad is not the same as being something good, and in fact tends to disdain those who do the same as she does and praise themselves simply for not being fascists or bigots or abusers, but it seems like the best she can successfully argue to herself.She's completely non-judgemental of things a lot of people would find weird or creepy. Like, you write human/dinosaur a/b/o erotica? Cool, she'll edit it if you want. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, go for it LIKES:* Urban legends, occultism, cryptids, preserved oddities, the unknown* Deep seas, the night sky, vast storms, huge caves, eternal forests* The crowded isolation of the city at night* Abandoned buildings* The sigh and feel of old velvet and raw silk* Deep sea creatures and weird starfish and giant squids * Hozier, The Sisters of Mercy, Cocteau Twins, Black Tape For A Blue Girl, lo-fi, dreampop, shoegaze, every Lumineers song that has a girl's name as the title, and obscure local alternative bands that the art college radio stations only play late at night* Djarum Black clove cigarettes* Symbolist paintings (especially "Salome" and "Sisyphus" and "The Sin" by Franz Stuck)* Angela Carter, Caitlin R. Kiernan, T.K. Kingfisher, and Nabokov's lesser-known novels like Pnin and Pale FireDISLIKES* Pettiness* The smell of smoking meat, it makes her nauseous, and she's never been able to stomach a steak* Trimmed lawns and pruned gardens* The hypocritical pretentiousness so commonly found in any âalternative â scene* So-called "horror movies" that are really just gross-out torture porn* Creepypastas that over-explain or don't know when to end* People who pride themselves on "sticking to their guns no matter what" as that seems to her to just be another way of saying they never listen to other opinions or new information because they're so sure in their own rightness* People who forget that everyone else has as much depth and life as themselves, youâre not the protagonist and these arenât NPCs in a game* Avery is an Aquarius and even though she doesnât believe in astrology, she still likes reading about it, and it bugs her that her sign is classed as âpositive â and âmasculine"* Misuse of the term "social construct"WEAKNESSES* Gives up easily; her transition is really the only difficult thing she's ever stuck with* Navel gazing, over-thinking, gets lost in her own head* Can't make a hard decision quickly* Insomniac* Loses track of time easily* Messy slob, her apartment is DISGUSTING, don't ever be roomies with this girl* She doesn't own a car, but she can drive. She just can't park. She's terrible at parking. She goes in crooked, she goes over the line, she has to pull out and go in again a million times to get it right. STRENGTHS* Comfort with solitude, doesn't get lonely* Equally at ease with both existentialism and nihilism* A veritable whiz with subway routes and schedules* Doesn't sweat the small stuff* Hopeful at her core
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