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generouscoffeelove · 4 years ago

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THE UNASSEMBLED WORDS

Things not always go your way they never even stay the same but you can make your mind to go with the flow u can make yourself to work within the things but sometimes it's hard to face the reality sometimes you are not ready to accept the situation, we all are never mature enough that we cant cry crying makes your mind healthy but overthinking only leads to depression and stress. People will say whatever will come in their mind but it's not always necessary to carefully listen to their opinions.

When you are determined to achieve something and deep down you know that the path you chose is right for you then no one can divert our mind from those guts. People will depress you, they will tell you that u r wrong and their opinions are right bcz they can't see a person becoming more successful than they themselves. Nowadays no one is more sincere to you than your parents, not even your relatives.

Sometimes I think about the day when I will achieve my dreams but then what if I have no more plans to move on ? what if i get the person i love but what after that ? as i will be near to it i will forget the hurdles and all the things i lost on the path towards my goal. Man is greedy, his requirements can never be completed bcz he wants more & more. If u want to get to ur dreams u have to listen to yourself only u dont care about the people and even if u hurt them u have no problem but then comes the deceiving part where u think that following your dreams might separate your family from u this fear of losing someone really special in ur life makes ur way turn back. I think it's the law of life u cant live happily if the people around u r sad. A person like me sometimes thinks that leave everything and go get whatever u want but in the end u have to come back. U will never forget where u belong and thats how u feel the existence of love.

The first love relations with you are of the same blood. But how can u fall for someone so badly ? How can you love someone out there in this world more than those people who raised you ? This love can be of two types. The love relation with Allah and secondly the other with one of his people. How weird it is to think that we pray to get someone else in our lives instead of praying to get Allah’s affection. To be honest, pray for it and you will get the things you love automatically even if you love someone so badly. First put this in your mind that excess of everything is bad. It's only Allah who will give u everything and will never upset u but the people around u can love u the most but can also give u the pain that u cant bear.

Everything happens for good. Maybe someone in your past who deceived you was there by Allah’s choice to make you strong and to make you prepared that nobody is there with you forever. People will always stay in search to get ur weak points but staying close to Allah will hide all of those mistakes on ur side which u made unexpectedly or even if u knew u should pray to be forgave and he will forgive u try to pray from the core of your heart. Nothing is more peaceful than crying in sujood bcz that is the moment when u feel hopeless and u dont have words to describe the society around u that how u feel. I faced a lot of times when i was compared and i was insulted but all i used to do was to stay silent and secretly in the heart say “ Ya Allah u should answer them”. Sometimes its good to stay quiet bcz the silence makes the people go crazy. The silence is breaked automatically by Allah. He himself shows the people that u were wrong.

Not always u have to stay silent but when u r being doubted for a wrong reason or the person saying is crossing the limits listen 3 times but the 4th time smack his face. Bcz they deserve it. From my perspective rules should be for everyone, and the strictness u faced should also be embossed on the coming kids. It's not right to scold or insult someone in the middle where everyone is sitting bcz it makes you stressed and this is the fact where suicidal thoughts start to enclave even a young mind. I dont why im even writing this but the point is that i really don't want anyone to interfere in our lives and not even to scold us bcz they dont live with us they don't face the things we are facing right now, they cant live a week with us but after all they are right and they will never like to meet a person with empty pockets. To every individual on this planet earth, money is everything and money can buy happiness even. People will embrace you till the day u have money but the day u fall a little they will not even ask that are u ok or do u need any help.

Life will change so will the people but the real face of people can only be seen when you stand in a tough time and they turn their backs away from you. We lived a great past life, we went to restaurants, we ate mcdonalds and shopped etc. so what everybody does when they have money. People should really look into themselves and then say a word to other people. At the end i would like to share a small verse with huge meaning from Quran that:

In surah alam nashra

“Beshak har mushkil ke baad asani hai”

“Indeed after every hard time there’s good time”

People will stay with you till you are useful to them. the day u fall in need of help, some will help u only those who were sincere to u maybe it can be those people whom u never even noticed or they were not even in priority but they stand with u, they come into your life as angels. Because you wanted them and they were to be in your life by the grace of Allah.

As you grow up u learn through experiences u learn to stand after crawling but not at once u fall u cry and then u get up, u stand at ur own. As a kid, u are learning actually u are learning throughout your life; from people and mistakes. U are not living until u fail.

U learn to live through love and failures. Love is the road which can give u the best memories to laugh and cry on, but the bumps can give u those bruises and wounds which will heal but the pain will last forever. The time is cruel after u lose someone u love, and even more when the loved one becomes part of your routine. U cannot live without food as well as love. It's easy to console the broken person but it's not possible to feel the pain as that person is feeling. During this time the emotions are at level best of depression and stress if u cant be nice to them then better stay away bcz they can even harm themselves.

Love is very important in life. If u love someone but can’t tell bcz of some fear.

The fear can be of being rejected or it can be the matter of pride. The matter of our reputation is very sensitive, especially for a girl. A small mistake can break the entire reputation which was made from long and hard work. But people will only bring up the flaws bcz they need a topic to talk on. More importantly,the thing that matters is peace with the reputation u hold, if u have reputation and money but u still feel alone u are not fine.

The hardest part in life is to live without the person whom you cry for days and nights but you can't tell bcz u are afraid of losing the reputation u hold. It's not wrong but it's killing u deep inside. U keep smiling but its only breaking you. It's funny cuz u are ruining yourself. Less to be worried bcz u are being destroyed by love. The part that hits hard and it's all about fate. Being compared to a less experienced person is bad bcz u know that the person hasn't faced any of the circumstances as u did.

“A dream is a wish that your heart makes”

For loving someone you don't have to be perfect. U dont have to change yourself bcz u know that person will accept u no matter what. This is the belief that love brings into our soul. Love happens; it never asks you who I should be with. It's the beauty and the magic of eyes which makes u staring. A fact says that if a person misses you they appear in your dream and if you think about someone alot it means that person was thinking about you first. I believe a lot in these facts bcz they happen a lot. The real fun and peace in love is by burning in the fire of awareness. U keep waiting for the other person to make a move but what to do if the other person is waiting for u.

Okay, I know I'm talking rubbish right now. It's currently 3:14 a.m. and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not in the mood to write in my diary so it's better to keep on writing to keep yourself busy. Life is not in the mood to study all i want to do is to explode up and cry i know why but tears seem to be dried and i no longer have emotions my mind just wants to fall into midnight in a deep conversation with myself or with a trustworthy my heart seems to beat for some reasons that keep giving me the same tensions which i want to remove. It feels like my soul is whirling like a storm. I don't know what to do to scream or to cry or to stay awake or sleep. Sometimes i just want to stay up and think about my future and the choices I'm making but i don't have leisure time.

Hard times will not stay with you forever but at every point of ur life they will make u realize that don't forget where u belong and what u survived in ur past. U can never forget your past bcz ur weakness makes u strong. It's better not to expect alot from people. They can bring u disappointment only or a bit of what u were expecting. U cant eat when ur hands are tied u have to make a move to eat and feed your hunger nobody else is going to do this for you.

Be independent. It's an easy sentence with two words to say but it requires all of your life to be courageous enough to face the coming hurdles. U are going to face many challenges .

“if ur life got harder congratulations !! u just leveled up”.

Smile even if there are 1000 reasons not too but this time during these days it seems to me as if I'm the shining star alone in the sky where clouds are trying to dull my spark but i keep shining the clouds hide me but then i come back. The mechanism of nature also teaches you many lessons of life. If you think deeply, the sun teaches you that after every dusk there is dawn. The sky can't show the glitter of stars without night. The moon tells you it's good to go through phases. The black clouds teach u that when u are loaded after going through many stages its ok to let everything pour out through tears. The average rain can bring happiness to the beings on earth they will feel calm but if it rains more than normal it destroys the belongings of human.Similarly, if we cry normally it freshens our mind but the excess of it leads to depression and damage of internal conditions and peace.

“Excess of everything is bad”

I don't know when girls felt peaceful in their lives, enjoyed and cherished the most beautiful moments of their lives. All the time they have to worry about something even if it's health,dressing,family,friends or some sort of harassment. She cant feel free to live. Talking to a male about life and studies is a crime and is considered something related to flirting and to be feel ashamed on. Something for which the parents can't speak on if they want to. The people thinking in this way for someone's daughter should think that in future they will also have daughters and what if this will happen to them. If today you consider someone else your daughter or sister honestly u have a peaceful and beautiful future.

But if u see girls as some material to be used and thrown u were born to be wrong then even if u say urself muslim or human look at ur habits and inner person it is more worse than animal. You have to change yourself first to change the people around you.

#blogs posts depression stress anxiety health mentalhealth blacklivesmatter umatter 13reasonswhy faultinourstars teenblogs

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giovaenna · 5 years ago

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 (𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟒) 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

“ I feel rotten about telling you this. “ “ I've got some bad news. ” “ You looked after me like a father. ” “ Take this to your family. ” “ I’m not interested in things that don't concern me. “ “ You still have my goods ? “ “ It would be a present, I know how to return a favor. “ “ This is a real palace. “ “ Sit down, make yourself comfortable. “ “ Good health is the most important thing. “ “ I came here because there's going to be more bloodshed. “ “ Nobody wants another war. “ “ When i refused, he tried to have me killed. “ “ He was stupid, I was lucky. “ “ I'll visit him soon. “ “ The important thing is that nothing interferes with our plans for the future. “ “ You're a wise and considerate young man. “ “ There's much I can learn from you. “ “ What we'll do in the next few months will make history. “ “ He's small potatoes. “ “ Is something wrong? “ “ I wish you would have let me know you were coming, I could have prepared something. “ “ I didn't want you to know I was coming. “ “ I want you to help me take my revenge. “ “ I don't have your brain for big deals, but this is a street thing. “ “ I remember when I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. “ “ My father taught me many things here. He taught me in this room. “ “ Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. “ “ Will he come alone? “ “ You guys lied to me, I don't want you to call me anymore. “ “Close the fucking door ! “ “ What's the matter? “ “ You open the fucking bar I'll blow your head in. “ “ When I woke up I was on the floor, and I donit know how it happened. “ “ jesus, jesus. “ “ I dont know and i dont understand why, i can't remember. “ “ I'll speak to him. “ “ The doctors would disagree, but what do they know? “ “I saw an interesting thing happen today. “ “ It occurred to me, the soldiers were paid to fight. The rebels weren't. “ “ What I wouldn't give for twenty more years. “ “ I’m kind of nervous from the trip. Can I get a drink or something? “ “ It's not easy to be a son. “ “ How do you say bana daquiri ? “ “ Can i trust you with something? “ “ Before i reach my hotel, i'll be assassinated. “ “ He thinks he's gonna live forever. “ “ Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. “ “ i love you, but don’t ever take sides against the family again. ever. “ “ I didnt ask who gave the order because it had nothing to do with business. “ “When i wake, if the moneys on the table i'll know i have a partner. If it isnt, i'll know i dont. “ “ I know it was you, [name]. You broke my heart. “ “ You're still my brother. “ “ Where's my brother? “ “ Young man, i hear you and your friends are stealing goods “ “ You and your friends should show me some respect. “ “ You young punks have to learn how to respect a man like me ! “ “ The cops will show up at your house and your family will be ruined. “ “ Of course if I’m wrong about how much you stole - I’ll take a little less. “ “ Tell your friends i don’t want a lot , just enough to keep my mouth shut. “ “ Why should we give him the money we sweated for? “ “ I’ll reason with him. “ “ I never lie to my friends. “ “ Tell him you'll pay him whatever he wants, dont argue with him. Then i'll go and get him to agree. “ “ Just remember that i did you a favor. “ “ I'll make an offer he won't refuse. “ “ I’m short of money right now. I’ve been out of work so... give me a little time. “ “ How come I’ve never heard of you before? “ “ You’ve got a lot of guts. “ “ You’ve done well for yourself. “ “ [Name], your father loves you so much. “ “ We called it a family. “ “ At first like everybody else, I was a soldier. “ “ When the boss says push a button on a guy, I push a button. “ “ No, i never talked to him. “ “ You may find this very amusing but i promise you the members of this committee do not. “ “ He was being strong for his family. “ “ By being strong for his family, could he lose it? “ “ You can never lose your family. “ “ Times are changing. “ “ It’s my pleasure, i dont want money. Take it as a gift. “ “ If theres something i can do for you, you come, we talk. “ “ [Name], why did you come to see me? “ “ He said he'd get the police to throw me out on the street. “ “ Who the hell are you to come give me orders? “ “ Do me this favor, I wont forget it. “ “ Ask your friends in the neighborhood about me, they'll tell you I know how to return a favor. “ “ Im giving back the money you gave me. “ “ Your kindness made me feel ashamed of myself. “ “ Can i offer you coffee? “ “ He won't be back. “ “ It was a term used by his friends. One of attention and respect. “ “ They have honored me with their support and friendship. “ “It would be a shame if we allowed a few rotten apples to give a bad name to the whole barrel. “ “ They are the salt of the earth and the backbones of this country. “ “ i hope they will have the decency to clear my name with the same publicity with which they have besmirched it. “ “ Well, just get a good night's sleep. “ “ Tomorrow... my life wont be worth more than a nickel after tomorrow. “ “ You’ve got a great home here, for the rest of your life. “ “ You'll live like a king. You’ll be a hero. “ “ How did they get their hands on him? “ “ He thought you double crossed him. “ “ Our detectives said he was half dead, scared stiff calling out that you'd turned on him. “ “ I havent got a lot to say, [name]. “ “ What about now? Is there anything you can help me out with? “ “ I didn't know it was gonna be a hit. I swear to God i didn’t know. “ “ He said there was something in it for me if i could help him out. “ “ He said that you were being tough on the negotiations. “ “ It would be good for the family. “ “ He said it would be good for the family. “ “ And you believed that story? You believed that? “ “ He said there was something in it for me, on my own. “ “ I’ve alway taken care of you. “ “ Did you ever think about that? Did you ever once think about that? “ “ It ain't the way I wanted it ! “ “ I can handle things, I’m smart. Not like everybody says. “ “ You’re nothing to me now. Not a brother, not a friend. I don’t want to know you, or what you do. “ “ There’s more people than at a ballgame here! “ “ I have my own family. “ “ But it was all lies, everything. “ “ So I said yeah, sure why not. “ “ There are some things id like to talk to you about. “ “ What really happened with [name]? “ “ Where is he now? “ “ I had nothing to do with it. “ “ You’ve become blind! “ “ I don’t want to hear about it “ “ At this moment i feel no love for you at all. “ “ I never thought that would happen, but it has. “ “ We leave tomorrow. “ “ [Name], you haven’t heard me. “ “ In time, you'll think differently. “ “ I know what that meant to you. I'll make it up to you. “ “ I’ve learned that I have the strength to change. “ “ I had it killed because this must all end. “ “ I know now that it’s over. I knew it then. “ “ There would be no way you could ever forgive me. “ “ I'd like to stay close to home now, if it’s alright. “ “ I hated you for so many years. “ “ I think that I did things to myself, to hurt myself, so that you'd know that I could hurt you. “ “ You were just being strong for all of us. “ “ I forgive you. “ “ Can't you forgive [name] ? “ “ Our business friend and partner is in the news. “ “ He's only got six months anyways. “ “ It would be like trying to kill the president, theres no way we can get to him. “ “ If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything - it’s that you can kill anyone. “ “ Is it worth it? You’ve won, do you want to wipe everybody out? “ “ I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out. Just my enemies, that’s all. “ “ I've always been loyal to you. What is this? “ “ Every time i put a line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish. “ “ He's ten times tougher than me. Old fashioned. “ “ We were like the roman empire. “ “ When a plot against the emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes. “ “ The little guys, they got knocked off. “ “ [Name], kiss your mama goodbye. “ “ Mother of God, pray for us sinners. “ “ You break your father's heart on his birthday. “ “ Your country ain’t your blood. “

#sentence starters #roleplay starters #roleplay meme #long post //

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graffitibible · 5 years ago

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Do you have any advice for writing or creating regularly? That’s hard for me and I’d like to get better at it.

it boils down to what works best for you personally tbh. i’ve got a system to write semi-regularly (or i did......restricted movement hours have kinda forced me to restructure that lol) and it works for me but that’s just how my brainyot works. i’m a routine-based creature so working writing into my routine was how i got myself to write semi-regularly.

ive also had significant Brain Junk for most of my life and was gradually able to navigate how best to create in spite of that but im also like, medicated for it and the like so self-care was a factor. i couldnt create shit while i was too busy lying in a pool of my own filth having fits of paranoia about the nature of reality so i was hardly about to make myself try and create stuff when that wasnt even on my radar.

i can share some of the things i do to keep myself writing though! like again this isn’t something that’s for sure gonna work for everybody cause everybodys wired differently but i hope some of it helps!

1. daily wordcount - i’ve mentioned this before but i have a daily wordcount that i do for my original fiction. i don’t apply the same standard to fic-writing because that risks making it an arbitrary barrier that puts too many numbers on my internal list. that being said, it’s very small. i make myself do 200 words per day. if that gets me going and writing more than that, awesome. if not, i still got a little bit done. 200 words is small, and it’s not overwhelming to catch up on if i miss a day. no matter how shitty im feeling i try to get in 200 words.

2. routine - since i’m a routine-based person by nature i basically found ways to finagle creative processes into all that. it’s not hard and fast because that kind of rigid structure makes me balk and i’m not that disciplined lol, but it’s usually something like “i have an hour-long lunch break at work and literally nothing else to do during it so i’ll write in that time period” or “i have thirty minutes of sitting by the stove making dinner so i’ll write until it’s ready”

3. momentum - or what my housemate fondly calls “The Juice.” if i have The Juice of inspiration i keep that going for as long as i can. if something’s not working for me i don’t scrap it or toss it right away. if i’m having trouble with a scene i make a note to myself and move on to a different one. example of this from my latest wip, which is part iv of mayhem

i hadnt worked out what was gonna go there and nothing was coming to me easy in the moment so i stuck the note there and kept going. my works are full of this shit. if i can’t think of a name or if there’s a statistic or a character i haven’t worked out yet i don’t wanna break my focus and momentum so i slap a note in the first draft and keep going. at a first draft stage the important thing is getting the words Out so it doesnt matter if theyre perfect. ill go back and fix them later, revise all i need to. first drafts dont need to be good, they just need to be there so i can spruce them up later.

on the flip side do not be like me and commit to this momentum so bad that you forget that you are a human being who needs to eat and consume liquids. i do that sometimes because of who i am as a person and it is a serious flaw of mine, do not be like this. sometimes getting some food in you is what you need to get The Juice flowing again and that sounds kinda gross and i am sorry

4. planning and hangups - this ones dependent on how you create. i forget where this analogy came from, but i’ve heard it said that some writers are architects who need a blueprint of where they’re going before they end up there and some writers are gardeners, who don’t need a set plan so much as they need to keep going. i’m definitely an architect - a lot of my works start out as bulletpoints of what scenes i wanna cover, what topics i wanna explore, etc. - though i have on occasion simply Written without any set destination, usually to force myself out of a creative slump. me being a big planner used to be one of the biggest barriers for me creatively because i’d spend hours agonizing over minute universe details and never start the dang story. this still happens from time to time. like heres what my organizational folder looks like wrt “pray for disaster”

that is not even all the files in there. why do i have two dictionaries. jesus. like i make these giant ass fuckin....tomes of stuff i like to keep track of, which i like to call “bibles” lol. except i could tell that getting too organized was gonna be an uphill battle with very little payoff so by the end i just made a “MISCELLANEOUS BULLSHIT” doc and for now i throw everything in there if it doesn’t fit into something like a dictionary or timeline

shit like this is why i like to just sit down and write without a clear destination in mind if i’m having writer’s block. that’s one of those things that goes hand in hand with the way i take advantage of my own momentum - if i reach a certain point where i’m just picking at details and not doing any writing i just go “ok motherfucker sit down and write shit. we will work out the details later.”

5. motivation - the ways i tend to motivate myself are weird so idk how true this is for anybody else but i’ve been writing for a pretty large part of my life. i went to college for english/creative writing and got a whole dang degree cause i still wanna make this my vocation somehow. one thing i cannot ever turn off is the writer part of my brain that’s going “oooh huh that’s not how i would’ve written that” in literally every piece of art i consume - tv, movies, books, songs, etc. sometimes that’s enough to inspire me into doing something on my own time. most of the time though if i’m feeling stumped i tend to crack open some of my personal favorite works, like books or fics that have really resonated with me, to fall in love with the art all over again. seeing the way different authors and artists do their craft helps me get in the zone of wanting to write more cause i get this nice feeling of “damn, these people really did those things with those words.....that’s fuckin amazing.....i wanna do that.”

you do risk falling into the trap of “ugh i can’t write like them though” but that’s the beauty of writing. nobody can write the way anybody else does. ofc i can’t write like terry pratchett, only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett, and if i compare myself to terry pratchett i’m only gonna get sad and mopey. but i can write in a way thats totally unique to me so i should not try to write like terry pratchett because that’s just impeding my own creative energy in the interest of trying to cookie-cut myself into someone else’s zone. only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett but only i can write like zero graffitibible.

i hope that was helpful? like this is all stuff that works for me so no guarantee it’ll work for everyone else.

oh right and idk how many of yall are minors because let it be known that i do not condone underage drinking; i am an adult who occasionally will get crunk because i like to write drunk and edit sober. if you too are an adult who can legally consume alcohol feel free to write while buzzed because that is a nice way to write with zero fuckin inhibitions. i dont get blackout drunk or nothing just a little buzzed and sometimes what i write makes no sense but i am at times at my most productive at 2am while mildly buzzed. its a thing.

like again i’m not really an authority on this by any means - this is just what works for me. but if it works for you too, great!! find your zone and all that

#anon #ask #z speaks #alcohol mention cw in case anybodys got that blacklisted #theres nothing as liberating as writing after having consumed 1.5 beers and feeling like a gOD #i say 1.5 but realistically its more like 1 #i am a tiny person who cannot hold their liquor #and beer really is just mulled fartweed but thats all right #creating is pain and pain is living and sometimes that entails drinking mulled fartweed cause itll loosen you up enough to really Write #i dont lean on this too much btw #its just like if i happen to get buzzed ill usually go 'you know what i should totally do. write.'#it is at times incomprehensible

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 5 years ago

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ASKS (28)

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Anonymous said: Hi ily💓

I love you too! There is love in my heart and you may take some

Anonymous said: Hey hey hey Amesssss!!! what was the first fic you ever wrote?

Well. Technically the first written piece was a play I wrote at around 13? It was about all of the characters from the Percy Jackson series watching Disney’s Hercules together

My first bat fic was this one, back in I want to say 2014

Anonymous said: You are a snack . So cute ❤❤❤❤

[Lizzo voice] baby I’m the whole damn meal

Anonymous said: You may’ve done badly but you looked fine as heck doing it. (I’m aroace—I’m not hitting on you, I promise). Besides, everybody has off days. Even lawyers.

akhfasufgdlfeas I appreciate the clarification <3

Anonymous said: For my summer job I went through a lawyer’s disaster of an office and let me tell you. 90% of it was Westlaw printouts. Those things are the effing best. They tell you what’s going on, they give you the info you need, they’re not weirdly complicated and hard to find—Westlaw. It may be prohibitively expensive and a symptom of the flaws in our legal system, but by golly it’s the best option.

When you hit that “forms” button......... the magic....... the beauty.....

andromeda270 said: My legal research class got us two free weeks of westlaw(I’m still in college) and when I didn’t finish a paper I made a free trial for the wrong site but they emailed me anyway asking if I was interested in buying and could they talk over the phone. I fessed up and they gave me another free week to work on a paper for some class

That’s how they get you!!!!

collidinglegends said: Lexis is shinier, WestLaw is better

Amen babe

Anonymous said: Please sleep

Who’s got the time

Anonymous said: hi !! quick question . I’ve followed you for a while and i think i asked you this previously but im not sure... do you write Duke ?? would you be comfortable writing him if i sent in a prompt including others in the fam ?

Sure, if I like the prompt. I write Duke every once in awhile, although I wouldn’t say I’m confident doing it. He’s a fairly new character and I stopped reading weeklys about the time I hit law school three years ago

Anonymous said: Hope you feel better soon... I'll pray for you

Ah thank you friend I appreciate you

areverieofchaosdreams said: I'm probably pretty late to this cause I'm not great at time, but your thing is making All the Feelings tm. But in a good way. You and dapanda were the first batfam blogs I ever followed, and it's been a helluva ride. Your way of writing things just pulls me in a way that few do, so thank you. :)

A single tear falls from my lashes, followed by several more because I cry a lot

hades-in-a-handbag said: Your thing is being the embodiment of goth mom energy Don't know if it's just your literal handle or what but you're so encouraging and motherly and also dark and emotionally scaring with your writing. Very sweet, very spooky

goth mom energy

Anonymous said: Omgggg ames, ginny is so grown up!!!!!

She is! She’s a teenager

morallyunequivocal said: not a prompt but oh no i just made myself sad with that last ask

that’s a mood

Anonymous said: You make plushies? Wtf, how did you get to be so talented and adorable at so many things. You’re amazing and I hope law school goes well.

Oh you’re so so sweet

Anonymous said: What law school things have you learned that you could see the bat family deals by with?

Well, I’ve had to take classes about forming and maintaining businesses, finding tax loopholes, writing and litigating contracts, and real property. Those are all things that WE would deal with on the regular. I also took classes on juvenile and adult criminal law, evidence, and police misconduct, which all seem Bat-relevant. At this exact moment I’m taking family law, which would include adoptions, and I have in the past taken classes about trusts and estates.

Anonymous said: Noooooooo no nono 🙏🙏🙏 dont ignore her 💔

Bad kittens get ignored instead of cuddled

crayolapumpkins said: hope the printing isn't too boring !! + I'm loving the fics , your work is always *chef's kiss* !! thank u for ur hard work ✨✨✨

[heart eyes]

Anonymous said: Since you have a big brother and a tiny sister, with that huge gap, what do you feel when you see those Dick & Damian fics or headcanons where Dick sees Damian as both a brother and a son? I know it's kind of canon now, but fandom has even gone as far as having Dick adopt Damian in various situations. Their age gap and their positions in the family allows for that kind of dynamic and I know it's reality for a lot of people too. But what's Your opinions on this? And maybe your brother's?

Huh, that’s a good question. My littlest brother and I are ten years apart, and Dave will tell you flat out I’m his favorite sibling because when I’m home we do everything together. I think the thing those fics are collectively missing is that there doesn’t need to be a brother/father hybrid because the role of Older Sibling With Age Gap is already its own distinct thing.

Dave and I don’t have the same dynamic as the kids I actively grew up with. We had very limited contact during his growing up years, because I was off at school. Now that he’s a teenager, we communicate like adults but with the caveat that I am In Charge. I dictate the agenda, and I make the decisions unless I choose to delegate them.

I’ve indulged a request about an adoption before, but I don’t really like that idea very much. Like I said, I don’t feel the need to add “father” into a dynamic that already exists on its own.

hollyhock13 said: Listen. You’re a middle kid, but not the middle middle kid. You’re towards the older end, but not the oldest. Maybe second or third, depending on how many siblings you have

Correct!

Anonymous said: That is the coolest blanket I've ever seen!!

Isn’t it just

Anonymous said: We're having a big adoption event tomorrow in Houston and we sent all the animals in our shelter down there. Our supervisors are in Houston too so us few kennel techs left at the shelter are scrubbing the place from top to bottom. We have music playing on the loud speaker and just ordered pizza. It's a great day. :)

Anonymous said: Pls continue the Tim and hallucination Damian thing im on edge

Anonymous said: Bls bls bls continue the tim hallucinating dami fic, bc its killing me in the best way. My heart. It hurts. That shit hurted.

maybe

Anonymous said: Ames, thoughts on the new joker movie?

I haven’t seen it, although I probably will when I get the time

Anonymous said: Idk if this is a secret, more like a guilty confession. I really, REALLY hope Damian turns out asexual, or at least romantically unattached. I LOVE that most of his good interactions are with his vaious Bat siblings, Jon, Maps and his pets. Everyone loves shopping him with varuova characters and it makes me hesitate to share my opinion incase I'm looked at weirdly. But having a character I look up to be asexual would be amazing.

I would really like that too anon

Anonymous said: what do you think about Drake & his new outfit?

ugly

Anonymous said: Alfred Pennyworth is the baddest bitch

You are not incorrect

bruciewayneisbatman said: Amy and Kenza are the bittersweet queens of this fandom. The both of you are absolutely evil and tooth-rotting sweet at the same time. I love you two for that, btw.

<3 thanks Esther

#hoo boy that's a lot of asks #asks

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spector · 6 years ago

Note

tell me about odyss! 👀

SEND ME OC ASKS PLS IM STUDYIGN

HDGHODHGIHG YESSSS... I DONT THINK IVE EVER EXPLAINED ODYSS TO ANYONE BRO.... I LOVE HIM SO MUCH hes like one of my first Serious OCs.... hes heavily inspired by my fear of dying in deep space that ive had ever since i was a kid for whatever reason.

odyss is also somewhat inspired by american gods bc he is in a way a godlike creature, symbolizing humanity's want to explore but also conquer space, think of him as a New God in a way. he appears as a skeleton in an astronaut suit and he literally is a reanimated body. he was a NASA astronaut (one of the first ones) that got separated from the station while fixing some shit outside and he just drifted away and died in his space suit. except that Some Cosmic Power chose to bring him back to life and many years after his death, he just appeared inside the same space station, COMPLETELY SCARING everybody onboard. (like imagine ur minding ur business and suddenly theres a quiet skeleton in a space suit staring at you IN THE MIDDLE OF SPACE).

he came back with them to earth because he completely forgot his identity, learned some things about his past, realized that there is no more (heh) space for him on earth, this isnt his world anymore. so he just returned to space. the government knows he exists (and tbh now that i think abt it, he’d make a GREAT x-files episode tbh). there are ways to make him return to earth (NASA is known for sometimes reaching out to him and asking him questions about space-related things and he always answers in such vague poetic ways, it rly is like praying to a god). but overall, he definitely prefers to be alone and just drift between stars, visit dead planets and take comfort in the fact that space is SO TERRIBLY EMPTY bc he himself is just a shell.

he is known to appear to astronauts in moments of danger, sometimes signaling that their death is imminent. but he’s also guided some of them to safety, so you never know what you’re gonna get with him.

his name is obviously inspired by the odysseus myth bc he too is locked in eternal voyage but the difference is that odyss has seen his home but it no longer felt as such so he chose to return to the very thing that killed him and stay there bc he knows his death more than he knows his life... and also he lets me explore themes of mythologizing space and its TIGHT, i love him, love drawing inspirations from things that genuinely freak me out, like the complete stillness and emptiness of space. the space in which odyss lives doesnt have aliens in it, theres no life, theres just this feel of entropy...UGH !

#zenyattaslaugh

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owakoblack-portspa · 6 years ago

Text

A Dream of Bethlehem

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Pairings: Knights Hospitaller x Knights Templar; Prussia x South Italy

Characters: Teutonic Knights/Prussia (Gilbert), Knights Templar (Chris), Knights Hospitaller (Giovanni), Kingdom of Sicily/South Italy (Lovino)

It is not a very good day to go to Acre, not a very good day at all, people warn little Gilbert. The deeper you go into the city, the more dangerous it becomes, people say. But I am a knight, I am not afraid, Gilbert braces himself. He has seen blood flowing like a river, he has seen corpses piling up a mountain, but he has never seen a hell like this, right in the heart of the capital of the Holy Land. In the streets of Acre, where Christians fight Christians, where brothers kill brothers, homicide and fratricide become natural, even though themselves are not natural at all--it is not a holy land, it is a wild world inhabited by evils. To Gilbert’s utter disgust, after the fall of the Genoese flag, advance the crimson Hospitaller banner and a group of knights in black uniforms into the burning street. ‘Wait, can’t you spare the citizens’ houses?’ Gilbert stands in front of the charging army, but he is unwilling to draw up his sword. ‘And can’t you see the Venetians are our enemies? Step aside, child!’ a tall Hospitaller waves his naked sword towards the little albino. A heavy sound of two clashing swords--a white knight shields Gilbert from the gigantic man, and a string of blood instantly spills onto the red petit cross embroidered on the chest. Even though his left palm is pierced by the sword, and an ugly, bloody hole appears as his enemy’s sword is swiftly and cruelly drawn away, the knight does not show any sign of fear, and quite on the contrary, his angelic face still keeps on smiling. ‘Brother Chris!’ ‘Christien!’

Two boys cry out at the same time. As Gilbert is lying on the ground and Chris is standing in front of him to protect, Giovanni appears just in time, his handsome face furious and sweaty. ‘Stop! The little one is the Teutonic Knights! Our ward!’ Giovanni shouts angrily to the tall Hospitaller. The anonymous Hospitaller sheathes his sword immediately, despite Giovanni the teenager looks much younger than him. ‘I’m sorry, Your Eminence,’ the Hospitaller now looks pallid and trembles like a leaf, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt His Eminence the Order of the Temple, but...’ ‘It’s nothing.’ Chris waves his injured palm impatiently to everyone, smiling as usual, ‘I love playing the role of a martyr. I am so glad that I protected little Gil, in spite of the fact that YOU are his guardian, Gio.’ Giovanni can tell the satire in Chris’ words, but he is not going to argue with a wounded person--after all, his another profession is doctor. ‘Let me see your wound, Christien.’ Giovanni’s voice becomes softer, but firm. ‘I’ve told you it’s nothing.’ Chris’ face becomes paler as he draws his sword in a position of defence, his flaming purple eyes threatening, ‘If you dare to touch me, I’ll revenge myself on you now!’ Giovanni stops short, staring at the blond with sudden coldness, ‘I won’t if I can.’ Then he turns to Gilbert, and raises up the little boy, ‘Are you alright, Gilbert? I’ve promised the Kingdom of Sicily to take care of you. I hope you’re not hurt.’ ‘Don’t treat me like a child!’ Gilbert’s reddened eyes make him look more like a rabbit, and he jumps high to protest. Giovanni does not take his protest seriously. He simply holds up Gilbert’s clenching hand, and retreats with his army, without casting another look at Chris, who remains standing in silence .

‘Brother Gio, can’t you treat Brother Chris a little better? He has saved me! And of all things, why do you two fight each other? You both are christian military orders!’ At the Hospitaller headquarters, Gilbert enquires. ‘The Knights Templar are stronger than us. If we don’t fight to protect ourselves, we’ll be destroyed by them.’ Giovanni replies calmly. ‘Why do the Knights Templar want to destroy you? Brother Chris in fact is very kind-hearted. Even though he knows I am on your side, he teaches me combat skills...hoops!’ Gilbert just realises that he has leaked the secret between Chris and himself. ‘Gilbert, you know I’m not happy to hear this. I hope you won’t betray me as you’ve developed a good relationship with my archrival.’

It has been a week since Chris was injured, and since that day, Gilbert has been bringing medicine to the Templar castle on Giovanni’s command as a punishment of his ‘betrayal’. What Giovanni requires Gilbert to keep in mind, is that Gilbert must not let Chris know who is actually prescribing medications. However, in the end, Gilbert cannot help telling the truth to Chris, ‘Brother Chris, I really hope you can stop fighting with Brother Gio. You see, he regrets what he’s done to you, and sends...’ ‘I hope Gio is not behind this, otherwise I will not accept medicine from you any more.’ Chris interrupts quickly. ‘Why do you hate Brother Gio so much, Brother Chris?’ ‘I hate him for not sending me medicine, and I will hate him more if he asks you to send me medicine. In sum, I just hate him.’ Chris strokes his bandaged left palm with tender passion, but Gilbert is too young to observe this detail or understand these words.

After this street fight, the two gangs seem to have ceased fire for a while, not only because one of their leaders is injured, but also because the festive spirit is approaching. In the Cathedral of Acre, people busy themselves with the preparation of the biggest event of the year--Christmas. The interior of the church is semi-decorated, and still more flowers and plants are coming. ‘Gilbert, have you understood the ceremony process that I’ve just told you?’ Giovanni bends down to speak in the ear of the absent-minded little knight. Both of them stand beside the alter. Gilbert jumps, and finally turns his attention from revery to the taller knight, ‘Sorry, what did you just say?’ ‘Could you tell me why you can’t take your eyes off the audience seats in the church? Are you expecting someone?’ Giovanni frowns. ‘Brother Gio, do you know if Frater will visit Acre for Christmas?’ Gilbert asks carefully. ‘Yes, the Kingdom of Sicily told so me in a letter. And he will attend the Christmas mass as well.’ On hearing the news, Gilbert reacts dramatically: firstly his jaw drops, then his grin broadens, and finally he raises his hands high up in the air, ‘Hallelujah! What a good tiding!’ ‘Calm down yourself, Gilbert! Shouting is forbidden in the church. And if you don’t want Sicily to be disappointed with you, you have to work hard in preparation, understood? It’s your first time to celebrate Christmas, there’re many things for you to learn.’ ‘I know, I know! I’ll work hard for Frater, and on Christmas I’m going to pay my homage to Frater, and then I’ll become a real knight! I’m so awesome! Everything’s going to be perfect! Kesesese!’ Gilbert laughs happily. ‘Don’t be too proud, Gilbert. You have to work hard to achieve your goal. Remember: no pain, no gain.’ ‘But there’s someone lazier than me! Even though Brother Chris’ wound is getting much better, he never comes to the rehearsal, and he’s going to sing in the choir!’ ‘Christien’s done the mass many times so he doesn’t need much rehearsing, and in fact, I don’t think he wants to see me.’ Giovanni looks at the choir practicing singing in a corner of the church, which is consisted of young boys in white dresses. The most beautiful one is missing, just as he has expected.

The Cathedral of Acre has already been enunciated with devout Christians hours before the bells announce the approach of Christmas and the beginning of the Christmas Midnight Mass. The interior of the cathedral is full of the festive spirit, decorated with myriads of flowers, draperies, hangings, ribbons, and candles, making this spacious sacred place shine with all colours of the solar spectrum. Now the congregation is holding its breath to hear the steps of the approaching holy moment, that is to say, waiting for the mass procession enter into the nave. After the bells strike twelve times, silence remains as if time stood still, so everybody turns their head to the church entrance to look for the priests and professed knights. After several seconds pass, finally, to everyone’s relief, the door opens, and a group of people in surplice solemnly walk in. At the head of them is little Gilbert with silver hair and red-pupiled eyes, swinging from side to side a golden, smoking censer in his hands. The little albino holds his chin high and looks straight ahead, so even the distant audience can tell from his rigid movements and his slightly reddened physiognomy that he is at the moment very nervous. Many in the congregation do know that for this new-born German military order, it must be his first time to perform holy services in such a big event, and accordingly they understand his nervousness and cross their fingers to pray for his success in the debut. Among the understanding, kind-hearted people, is Lovino, the Kingdom of Sicily, who comes all the way from Palermo for this special occasion, and who now sticks his little brown head out from the crowd into the aisle covered with red carpets, which makes him so distinct that even Gilbert’s sweat-filmed eyes cannot prevent the little knight from noticing this great kingdom from afar. Consequently, Gilbert starts short, as if petrified, but Lovino is no malicious Medusa--quite on the contrary, he is the most amiable personage here, so he tries to unlock the magic spell by waving his little hand and smiling sweetly to his little knight, to salute, and to encourage him. However, for Gilbert, this is more like an ignition before an explosion than a mere encouragement, for in response, stuffed of energy, he sets himself off high in the air like a rocket, the censer in his hands swinging like a mad turning wheel, spilling hot incense everywhere. All at once a commotion is caused--people sitting nearby the aisle stand up to run, only to find that within such a dense crowd running is almost impossible, thus some panic is caused as well. At this critical moment, Giovanni, who walks beside the bishop in the middle of the procession, dashes out to catch the censer which now is flying out of Gilbert’s hands, and fortunately, after the catch, he is agile enough to regain his balance in time, and stands upright with the golden censer safely contained in his hands. He makes some effort to restrain himself from panting heavily, and immediately resumes his solemn, imperturbable look to hide his shock of this unexpected episode. Realising what has just happened, Gilbert becomes the most panicked person in the cathedral. He dare not look at Lovino’s face to see his disappointment, so he looks down onto the floor, feeling too shameful for himself to move. Seeing this, Giovanni pats Gilbert’s shoulder from behind to urge him to proceed, otherwise the procession would be blocked even though Gilbert is short and tiny. Accordingly Gilbert moves on, and from now on, he becomes half absent-minded for his sense of guilt, head drooping. Despite this, the following process goes on smoothly, the episode is soon forgotten, the audience watch the performance of the servers quietly, listen to the priests’ sermons attentively, and respond by saying ‘amen’ when their heart is quite touched. However, Gilbert’s tribulations are not yet finished. As a novice, he is to give a speech in front of the holy altar, in the face of the public. It is a narration of the nativity, which should have been already familiar to any christian, so before the mass, Gilbert was so confident that he did not bring the script with him. Now, it is high time for Gilbert’s speech, and for the sake of the sense of guilt he is still sweating heavily as if he had just been fished out from the sea: ‘It was...it was in the year of four before Christ, before Christ was born. (A pause.) On the day when Christ was born, Mary found no place to lie down herself and give birth to her child, so she just...she just lied down on the floor, (some hiss from the audience) and she saw stars shining bright in the sky. Oh, I forget to say, (laugh from the audience) there was an angel coming from the sky to tell her that the child is the savior of mankind. So back to the night when Jesus was born, there were three magicians...(somebody hoots)’ Finally Gilbert’s frustrated voice seems to fade away, and people can hardly hear what the little knight is saying, and neither can they see his mouth moving, for he persists in hanging his head down. Lovino, who sits in the front row for the prerogatives possessed by such a great kingdom like him, clasps his hands all the time to pray for Gilbert, and he even dare not bat his big, radiant eyes lest they would distract his knight, but it seems all his prayers are in vain. Giovanni, who stands righteously and solemnly among the priests and servers, is as anxious as Lovino from the bottom of his heart. ‘Can anyone please do something?’ he asked without producing a sound.

‘--Long time ago in Bethlehem So the Holy Bible say Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ Was born on Christmas day.’

Suddenly, people hear someone singing. At first, people think it is the ringing sound of a crystal stream, for it is so limpid, so pure; and then, when they realise that it is from above, they take it as the voice of an angel, for it is so beautiful and so unearthly, like a beam of light piercing through thick clouds to warm the earth, to fill everyone’s heart with bliss. While the confused audience are looking about themselves, only Giovanni immediately finds out whence the voice is from--he has heard this voice on every Christmas, and yet he still can hardly believe it--as soon as he hears the singing, he raises his head and looks up to the carved balcony facing the altar where he is standing by, and sure enough, he sees a thin, pale figure stand out of the choir boys, beneath the enormous silver organ. It is Chris who is singing. He is clad in white, laced surplice, his pale countenance becomes more tender in the radiance from the white texture, and his soft, curly blond hair makes him shine like a midnight sun. He is not yet grown up, his delicate human form hardly tells his gender, and therefore he looks more beautiful than any man or woman, and so clinks his sweet, heavenly singing voice. Here he stands, so pure he looks, so angelically he sings, even Giovanni has to admit that on this particular occasion, if Chris were not the messenger from God, he cannot tell who this sweet creature could be. ‘It’s the Knights Templar!’ a little girl cries out happily, and her mother quickly quiets her. Even Gilbert looks up from the floor to the balcony gratefully as if he has found his savior, so continues Chris:

‘While shepherds watched their flocks by night Them see a bright new shining star Them hear a choir sing The music seemed to come from afar.

Now, Joseph and his wife, Mary Come to Bethlehem that night Them find no place to born she child Not a single room was in sight.

By and by, they find a little nook In a stable all forlorn And in a manger cold and dark Mary’s little Boy was born.’

The choir boys standing behind Chris, who are also sweet-looking, though not as beautiful as he, begin to sing harmoniously, and all the people in the cathedral sing along:

‘Hark, now hear the angels sing A new king born today And man will live forevermore Because of Christmas day.’

Now everyone rejoices again, because they take part in such a beautiful choir led by an angel, and has never felt so close to God before.

In many aspects, the midnight mass is as successful as last year, so afterwards everybody goes home happily. However, in a dark corner of the sacristy, Gilbert is found sobbing quietly. Because others are gone, only Giovanni and Chris see him. Chris bends down over Gilbert, beaming innocently as ever, and says cheerfully, ‘Gil, don’t cry, it’s Christmas!’ ‘I’m so stupid, I know nothing of Christmas! I’m not fit for being a knight!’ Gilbert tries to conceal his tearful face by burying it between his crouching knees. Even though Giovanni was unhappy for Gilbert’s failures of performance at tonight’s mass, which he believes are the results of Gilbert’s arrogance and ignorance of his persuasion, his benign heart is touched by the little one’s sadness and frustration, so he attempts to comfort Gilbert: ‘To err is human. If you learn from experience, you’ll be forgiven.’ Nevertheless, Giovanni’s austere tone makes Gilbert feel more miserable, ‘Forgiven? Will I be forgiven by Frater? Perhaps I can’t never become his knight!’ ‘Gio, you frightened little Gil!’ Chris criticises his big rival, and continues to console Gilbert by an even more tender voice, ‘come on, Gil, I’ll show you something. I’m sure you’ll learn Christmas by heart. Don’t worry.’ He winks, stands up, and leads Gilbert to the courtyard of the cathedral. Giovanni does not trust Chris, so he follows them into the cool midnight air. Standing under the purple starry sky, Chris brings out from his pocket a plain stone cup. ‘I’m going to use this to bring us to the night when our Lord Jesus Christ was born. You can come with us if you want, Gio.’ ‘Wait, is this...the Holy Grail?’ Giovanni is astonished. ‘Exactly.’ Chris replies matter-of-factly. ‘I didn’t know you possess it.’ Giovanni says darkly, and quickly makes the sign of the cross. In secret, he feels his stomach aching--how come his rival obtains the most sacred relic in the christian world? ‘You don’t have to know everything,’ smiles Chris. It happens very fast. After a flash of blinding light, the three knights are altogether brought to another time and place. The time is still night, but the environment is changed into a dry, rocky wild land. ‘Look! There’s the bright shining star!’ Chris points to the enormous brilliant star hanging in the eastern sky. ‘What does this mean?’ Gilbert is bewildered by this strange environment. ‘Gilbert, how many times have I told you to read the Bible more carefully?’ Giovanni’s austere look makes Gilbert wince. ‘Relax, Gio. It’s the Holy Night, let’s behold the miracle!’ Chris leads the group to walk in the direction of the bright star. After a while, they see a manger at the top of a hill. ‘Is it...?’ Gilbert is shushed abruptly by Giovanni. The three of them carefully approach the manger on tiptoe. The manger basks in the bright shining star right above, so they can see the scene clearly: Mary has just now given birth to baby Jesus, who is sleeping comfortably in his mother’s arms, and Joseph stands by them, watching the baby with great interest and affection. Noticing people approaching, Mary is alert, but as soon as she sees these people are three good-looking young boys in some kind of cassocks, she smiles and gestures them to come closer. ‘Our Lord Jesus, we’ve come to worship you.’ Both Giovanni and Chris kneel down before the little baby who opens his beautiful eyes to look upon them curiously. After realising who the baby is, Gilbert imitates his brothers to fall on kneels, not without clumsiness. Seeing this, Mary smiles affectionately to the timid little knight, and says, ‘thank you for visiting us in such a bleak winter night. Don’t be anxious, little knight, baby Jesus is very happy to see you.’ Gilbert looks up to see Mary’s smiling face, and sees a mother in her, a mother he has never had, or met, in his life. Suddenly, the albino bursts into tears, ‘oh Mother, Mother!’ Mary pats Gilbert’s silver head, speaks to him in a voice so gentle as if singing a lullaby, ‘little child, you have such beautiful hair. Don’t cry, you’ll be loved.’ It is Gilbert’s first time to be praised by someone for his hair--being an albino, he has been jeered and teased all his life. It is not necessary to describe how happy Gilbert is in seeing the Holy Virgin, and he lays his head upon her knees. Meanwhile, Giovanni finds Chris’ pale face full of tears too. Before the little Lord, the beautiful knight clasps his hands tightly while on his knees--he looks so pious, so humble that he makes this moment divine. Unconsciously, Giovanni wears a smile on his face-- O Silent Night! O Holy Night!

On the next morning, Gilbert is woken up by a familiar voice: ‘Gil, wake up! Are you alright?’ When he opens his eyes, he sees Lovino shaking his shoulder anxiously. Thus he sits up abruptly, ‘Frater! Why are you here?’ ‘Dear Gil! I was worried about you so I came to the morning mass early to see if you’re alright, but I didn’t know you slept in the courtyard over night!’ Lovino exclaims, ‘it is not good! You’ll catch cold!’ His puffing face is on the brink of tears. It is Gilbert’s turn to feel worried too, for his heart will break if he sees Lovino cry. ‘Dear Frater, I’m totally fine, so please don’t cry!’ he holds Lovino’s little hand, faking a smile to comfort him, ‘I spent a whole night with Brother Gio and Brother Chris to worship little Lord Jesus in Bethlehem, you have to know how happy I am! Please don’t worry about me!’ ‘Really?’ Lovino’s watery emerald eyes look into Gilbert’s rubies, and he sees truthfulness in them, ‘good, then. But where are Gio and Chris?’ Both of them look around. Beside the wall of the cathedral, they see Giovanni and Chris lying down there, holding each other’s body closely as if to keep warm and sleep more comfortably. Hearing noises, the two sleepy knights are awakened--it is not difficult to imagine the surprised look on their faces. However, instead of letting out a shriek or kicking each other away, in peace, they exchange morning greetings: ‘Morning, Gio.’ Chris smiles like an angel waking up from his sweetest dream. ‘Good morning, Christien.’ Giovanni blushes. He will never admit that it is Chris’ crystal purple eyes that make his heart beat fast, and he feels a little reluctant to let Chris’ warm body leave his arms when both of them get back to their feet. ‘Christien, wait!’ ‘What?’ Chris quickly turns back to face Giovanni, his huge eyes sparkling. ‘I want to apologise for the wound in your palm. I should have stopped my people hurting you.’ Giovanni smites his handsome brow. ‘It’s not your fault,’ Chris smiles mildly, ‘and I want to thank you for healing me.’ ‘You know the medicine was sent by me?’ ‘Of course, do you forget how long we’ve known each other? And as I’m your archrival, who do you think could know you better than me?’ Smiling mysteriously, Chris briskly wheels around. Without knowing why, Giovanni suddenly feels a special attachment to his rival and comrade, so he instinctively follows Chris’ white robe, which is billowing in the wind like an angel’s enormous wings. Later on, in the Christmas morning mass, people are surprised to see the two long-term rivals stand side by side in the procession, and even exchange friendly looks at intervals during the liturgy. ‘It happens once a year that the two great military orders make a truce. After all, it’s Christmas, it’s time for peace, for forgiveness, and for love.’ Among the audience, some Venetians whisper quietly, and then they shake hands with their Genoese neighbours. As for Gilbert, this time, he has done much better especially in the narration of the nativity. When the mass is done and the cathedral becomes empty, he cautiously kneels down before Lovino, ‘dear Frater, I want to be your knight, but I’m not yet perfect--could you wait until I’m fit?’ ‘I don’t need you to be perfect. Whenever you feel yourself is ready, I’ll be ready to take you as my knight.’ Lovino blushes. ‘I promise it won’t be too long, Frater.’ Gilbert tenderly kisses Lovino’s hand.

(End)

#hetalia #APH #prussia x south italy #prussia x romano #APH Prussia #aph south italy #aph teutonic knights #aph knights templar #aph knights hospitaller #prumano

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chaotic-beauty-88 · 6 years ago

Text

Stacey's Own Paradise

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I take a second, but I can't catch my breath.

I look back at my life

And all I see is the day, the day they left

Cause I've been blastin' no longer laughin' since they been gone

The day they stopped me bein a mumma was the day my mind was blown

To be treated like junk, you know thats often heard of

Sick of how they talkin, they should take a moment to look at the life I was handed to walkin

They want nothing more then to see me lined in chalk

I really hate to trip but i gotta before I choke

As they croak and wish to see me in the pistol smoke

I say fool,

I AM THE KINDA MOTHER EVERY OTHER WISHES THEY COULD BE LIKE,

BUT THEY ARE TOO BUSY ON THEIR KNEES WORKING FOR THEIR NEXT PIPE STRIKE

WHILE I SPEND EVERY SECOND PRAYING TO JUST BE ABLE TO HOLD BY BABIES TIGHT

DCP, your only concern is watching your careers rise

You think i cant make it

Because i was born into a gangstas paradise

Look at my situation

They got me facin

They think I cant live a normal life

Just because I was raised by the street

So ill be down with the hood team

But that aint stoppin me from chasin my dreams

Im an educated fool

With my childrens lives the only thing on my mind

Got empty hands and constant tears in my eye

Im a broken hearted mother

dont push me further

Or ill turn into a set trippin

DCP strangler

And you workers need to stop trying to

antagonize me to arouse my anger

Fool, death aint nothin but a heart beat away

Im livin life do or die

What can I say?

Im 30 now but will i live to see 31?

Keep me away from my kids and what will happen?

I dunno fool

Tell me why are DCP

So blind to see

That the ones they are hurting are

Hayley and Archie

All they care about is power and the money, money and the power

MInute after minute, hour after hour

Everybodies hearts are runnin but half of ya aint lookin

For whats really goin on in life

It needs to be took in

They say i gotta learn self worth, but nobody has ever been there to teach me

If they cant see why i am this way, how do they think they will reach me

I guess they cant, i guess they wont

I guess they frontin

Thats how i know my life is out of luck, because we live by their rule

Why cant DCP, see the ones they are hurting are

Hayley and Archie

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okaystraykids-blog · 6 years ago

Text

don’t go; it’s a mighty long fall

1 out of ??

Genre: fluff/angst/school ..

Seems like it’s going to turn out to be a hyunjin ff but we’ll see

WARNING: some mature themes

| the start of part one |

[Unknown Number]

야, 너 오는거야?

[Me]

uh... sorry?

[Unknown Number]

oh sorry! that was meant for a friend haha

[Me]

yeahh, i expected as much

[Unknown Number]

what's your name?

[Me]

a..

[Unknown Number]

ohh u dont wanna say... im changbin, are u from canada?

[Me]

uh yeah how'd u know?

SET "UNKNOWN NUMBER" AS CHANGBIN?

YES/NO

[Changbin]

kind of from the fact u apologized for me texting u

[Changbin]

i was born in korea but i'm actually living in a city called vancouver right now, im roommates with 8 other guys.

[Me]

uh, i actually live in vancouver too ... it would be funny if we went to the same school

[Changbin]

me and three of the guys are transferring to Thratmore for our senior year !

[Me]

ur fucking with me, right? that's where i go-

[Changbin]

well i'm looking forward to this, see u tomorrow

[Me]

perfect.

MESSAGE SEEN SUNDAY 11:00PM

God, I'm exhausted. I guess that's what I get for going to sleep at fricking 1:00 AM and waking up at 4:30. I didn't even want to wake up, I was dreading senior year. I hate school. I hate everything but hey, only 10 months left... I honestly don't want to put effort in, but I always felt the urge to look decent. Maybe I'll wake up and be a sexy beast one day and suddenly boys will be like hot damn, and i'll just get a boyfriend like poof.

Hah, sike. A bitch thought.

I went to my closet, and pulled out what I had planned for today, Blue mom jeans, a black cropped sweatshirt, and my combat boots. As I put on my clothes I remembered Changbin. At least he doesn't know what I look like...

My makeup was simple, my eyebrows, some mascara, a few dabs of deep pink lipstick, and highlighter. For breakfast I had my usual sunny side up egg on toast, and then I headed out. When I got to school it was already busy. Everyone was standing with their big groups of friends and I shook my head.

How are they so happy.

Yeah, maybe I was just being petty because I lowkey wished I had friends but I also just hate myself so...

The first half of the day dragged on.. It felt hours. When it was finally lunch I immediately went upstairs with my food and sat at my usual table in the cafeteria. The room started filling up and the table beside mine that usually stayed empty, stayed empty for the next few minutes. I sat there, reading my book and snacking on peppers. Suddenly the room went silent and a group of four guys walked in. I could tell everyone was eyeing their clothes, the Off-white, Vétement, Gucci, and they screamed rich.

Great, more spoiled kids in this school.

But then I realized, oh my god, one of them must be Changbin. Of course he's a spoiled asshole! I shook my head slightly, and the sounds of the cafeteria slowly picked up again. The boys continued walking though, and I tried to focus on my book. When I noticed they were heading to the empty table next to mine, I didn't even look up. I just prayed they weren't going to sit there.

All of a sudden a deep voice made me jump,

"Hi, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I'm Changbin, that's Hyunjin, Jisung, and Chan."

My heart stopped, lord, these are beautiful people.

"Hi, nice to meet you." I said softly, and turned back to my book.

Sorry Changbin, I'm not looking for friends. I'm sure everybody in this school would love to be your pal. As I was turning, I caught the eye of one of the guys, he had beautiful lips, and he smiled softly.

Well shit.

Finally the day ended and I went home exhausted. Almost as soon as I flopped onto my bed for a nap, I got a message.

[Changbin]

i didn't see u today :(

[Me]

yeah oops!!

[Changbin]

do u wanna meet up tomorrow??

[Me]

uh probably not, imma be kinda busy i think.

Boy, just take a hint.

[Changbin]

awe ok... goodnight !!

The next day I had art first block and graphic arts second block, my two favorite classes! I walked into art. I didn't mind the people in art, mostly because everyone kind of just... minds their own business. I walked over to my corner I sat in last year and waited for people to show up. I waited and suddenly the boy who I thought had pretty lips walked in to the class. I expected him to go sit with the kids who have expensive clothes but to my surprise and maybe even dismay, he walked over and sat beside me.

"Hi, I'm Hyunjin!"

Why does my heart feel like this,

"I'm Alice..."

"How ar-"

The boy, Hyunjin, suddenly noticed I wasn't up to chatting and awkwardly grinned, silencing himself. The class went by surprisingly fast, usually the first few days are always boring.

When the bell rang I gathered my supplies and headed out the door... A hand on my shoulder caused me to flinch.

"S-sorry! I was just wondering what class you have now." Hyunjin yelped, letting go of me. I shook my head, ignoring him, and continued walking. I half expected him to stop following me but he ended up going with me all the way to graphic arts.

"Wow, what a coincidence." He chuckled, entering the class with me.

You have to be kidding me.

He didn't talk to me for the rest of class and I was low key thankful. Finally when it was lunch I escaped him and went up to my table, I was half hoping the four boys wouldn't come today. But as per usual, I was wrong and they entered. I looked up against my better judgement, and saw how good Changbin looked. I was captivated, though the sudden speaking of my name caused me to snap out of it. Hyunjin was at the table next to mine and he was sitting in the chair closest to mind, staring at me.

"Hey Alice, can we sit with you?"

| the end of part one |

TRANSLATIONS:

“야, 너 오는거야?”

MEANS

“Hey, are you coming?”

(Said informally to a younger person)

(A/N) uh hey as this story goes on it’ll evolve and we’ll see if its a hyunjin ff or changbin❤️ i made the boys all 18 for it to make sense that they’re all in school and grade 12.

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cow5secondchance · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 2 - Why Did People Flip - Xavier

Format: Sequester

Eliminated: Wyatt (9-3-1-1-1) || Daisy (Battle Match)

BLAKE

so! week 2 and my plan honestly is to just really still focus on my social relationships. so far, i feel very confident in my ability to connect with people on a 1 to 1 level, and at least hopefully skate through these first few weeks. consistently my problem in the game is missing out on a key group or alliance that is running more than I know. without being too chaotic and paranoid, i would really really like to try to sit here and just scope out the relationships. as for my groups! i really want to work with jennet. she's like iconic? her art is so cute and i do feel like i made a genuine connection with her early on, and i think pointing out we're some of the only award winners in the cast could bring us closer together ! plus 4th place legends... beyond jennet, i have a group with isaac and nicole, and honestly, im feeling suprisingly good about both. i think these first 6 people i mention are the ones im going to focus on most, and focus on really forming game connection wheras the rest im just socially going to really force myself into their LIVES and hope they like me! Daisy and Jarod... loves them and swifties who ive played with in the past both in a way that i feel we were unfinished. jarod got taken out in the doubles round just as we kinda connected on a game level, and then daisy and i were working together in bb netflix before it got canceled. this is really the group i want to strategize with and im really putting myself on a limb being loyal to them because i know they have options, but its a risk im willing to take because if i can be the number 1, their connections can just offer more safety and information for myself. and the final people who i kinda want to work with is captain and wiliam xavier s up there, we just havent spoken tons dont really have much of an opinion on the others? if i had to nominate right now it might be mario just because we havent spoken yet.

XAVIER

It's annoying to be nominated, especially by Jennet. Literally two minutes before we were talking and I was explaining how this round is played. And then Jennet nominates me. I feel betrayed. Getting my G4ce together (Greenhouse 4) so we can vote as a team. And well, well, well, I just found out that the Sequester 4 are also voting together. It is weird that they are all nominated during the Sequester round. They are targeting either Wyatt or Kaleigh. Knowing they are a team, I want one of them out, if I can swing it quietly.

NICOLE

HI I’m back and already went through a ton! Last round a misunderstanding / Lanie throwing me under the bus just because I said I hadn’t spoken to Nyx and Captain really set me up in a weird spot so I had to get rid of Lanie and then she said we all suck (imagine being almost 30 and telling someone who is your students age that they suck! I get it really is terrible to be blindsided but it was her fault, she played too fast! Like yell at me for not communicating properly or whatever she believed I did at that point but don’t take it out on everyone especially like the youngest player in the game!) Anyway, this round is sequester so we are all back together! I finally get to play with Daisy! I love her so much so I’m super glad we got to play, I’m very glad I get to reunite with Lindsay, I’m glad William isn’t mad at me for the whole Lanie situation and now I’m safe for the first vote! It is a very good feeling but I also feel like I should be learning from Lanie’s mistake and playing not fast so I’m trying to take a step back from talking in the house chat. I’m just so excited to see everyone but I will try to contain myself so I don’t annoy anyone. Check back in later in the round!!!

BLAKE

I forget the questions omg but I had a call with Jarod where he kinda threw out wyatts name as an option to go, and honestly I’m completely fine with that because even though they seem super sweet, I feel like I’m juggling enough balls and I don’t need to add them into my mix, whereas I feel a lot better about every other nominee other than Kaleigh, who I don’t think anybody would do this early My strategy is to just campaign for myself to stay to everybody and avoid throwing out names. I’m hoping that comes from Jarod or one of the safe people because they literally have the safety to get away with it

XAVIER

I like video confessionals. The only alliance of 4 should be Greenhouse

youtube

CAPTAIN

hello dr.. so i'm glad i got saved by jarod :pleading_face: he rlly said i'm gonna make captain safe no matter what happens. and thats exactly what he did :100: for ppl who are vulnerable, i want autumn, jarod and xavier to be safe the most like idc i just want 3 of them to be safe. xavier might be in a bit of trouble tho since the totem pole ppl are voting together for sure hmmm so i need to try to talk to them to sway them from voting xavier. for the plans to avoid battle match? idk i just want them to feel safe around me no matter what. so that if i end up voting them, they're not gonna be bitter at me that much. and i lowkey saved myself with wyatt since wyatt said they wanted to work with me so prays.

__________

also, i secured an alliance with jarod, autumn and jennet. and a greenhouse alliance with mario, nyx and xavier. the latter hasn't been in the talk like with every greenhouse yet but xavier brought it up to me and i think that it should be great. so fingers crossed!

WILLIAM

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, going into Round 2 im having a really big struggle..... im seeing THAT I DONT DISLIKE A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS CAST, USUALLY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE BUT NOPE Also we are moving into a Sequester sorta semi safety chain with half vulnerable and half safe cast and lucky me I think Lanie either hated me the most or the least from our Survivor team and decided to give me the Karma twist which gave me safety for the round but made me have to pick the first unsafe out of the whole cast. I think my strategy was to pick someone who didn't talk to me yet (so i had a reason) as well as someone who was sorta loved by most if not all and wasn't a target for it, because I'm thinking if I just fade into the background this round no one would have a need or want to pick me for the Battlematch, i think its safe to assume whoever goes home will pick the person who made them unsafe plus like one other person, so i just have to avoid being that other 1/13 people. As for the vote i have no clue at all, I think maybe Isaac cause i haven't said much to him at all, or maybe Jarod cause i know he is hella busy and prob wont pick me to go into battle..... just not Wyatt or Blake or Kaleigh rn. So like yeah, just gonna pray, not talk around too too much, let people come to me so it doesnt seem like im pushing anyones name and hopefully vote someone i dont love out. yeah so much fun xoxo William F

NYX

So, this round is pretty confusing and difficult to navigate cause not only do we have to vote someone out we have to vote someone out and hope they don't drag us into the battleback. I'm very happy to be safe for the vote since at least then i'll have a chance to battleback in a comp. So, for this vote I can't vote Autumn since she gave me safety, I can't vote Jarod since he took one for the team, I can't vote Xavier cause of the gh alliance, I can't vote Blake due to our bonding on tau ceti, so my only real options for this vote are Isaac, Wyatt, and Kaleigh. If I had my way i'd just pile the votes on wyatt and get them out now but it's not that easy because i haven't talked as much and they could see that as incentive to drag me in. Of course all the people I just mentioned I don't wanna vote for I wanna save because that means they'll be willing to work with me to some capacity. To avoid the battle match is the hardest part cause people can be very impulsive with their decisions and heat of the moment always catches people off guard. My best bet is just not to make too many promises and to just tell the truth and hopefully that'll be enough to gain their respect.

CAPTAIN

besties.. i don't know what i'm doing. its between wyatt and kaleigh methinks but wyatt keeps dropping my name everywhere and i don't really like it. idk if they get eliminated, if they would put me in the battle or not. but like if they're this messy, i'm voting them for sure. also sobs kaleigh is so cute.

__________

prays for me DR! sign: captain.

LINDSAY

bro no one wants to throw out a name because of the battle drag twist so it's three hours to tribal and i dont know who the fuck to vote my gut is telling me jarod but i am absolutely not letting jarod drag that shit back to me definitely not autumn i dont know like. i'm working the tightest with william, daisy and wyatt weirdly enough and none of us have heard anything so i just. ?????

MARIO

I AM SAFE!!! I AM NOT SECOND BOOT AGAIN

AUTUMN

youtube

IT WONT LET ME PUT AUDIO FILES IN!!! But when Monty puts them all together later this season I hope yall enjoy haha

XAVIER

Ok this vote is messy. It started out with Jarod and the Sequester group wanting to vote Kaleigh. They got people on board, and it looked good. Until Wyatt made that alliance chat. And of course the vote shifted to Isaac. But the Sequester group won't vote Isaac. Mario voted Autumn. Captain voted Wyatt. I am voting Kaleigh because I haven't spoken to her much. But I want the vote to go Isaac's way - it breaks up Sequester, and he won't think it was me, so safe from the battle. So it may be 5 on Kaleigh, unless the other people in that Alliance chat are not being honest as well. Ha ha. As long as it's not me, right?!

LINDSAY

wyatt made a voting block?? and didn't include me?? the person with no connection to isaac who they kept safe and would have probably voted with them???? wh ok i guess my vote is on wyatt tonight tf

NYX

So, this round is a clusterfuck of scrambling cause no one wants to get pulled into the battleback and potentially lose there. I just don't wanna go home even earlier than last time because my game has just been so much better and to lose it this way would be fucking devastating. i just want to win so badly so im just hoping i can maneuver this right

LINDSAY

"you know that this is anonymous right" DAISY HELP NO I DIDNT FUCK OK I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

XAVIER

WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I know Captain voted for Wyatt. Maybe Captain is more influential than I thought? Why did people flip? Because of the alliance chat? It was too much? And why wasn't I included in the flip vote? Agh. Time to make my own rules here.

__________

I am still shookt

youtube

DAISY

youtube

#cowsecondchance #episodes

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maksisskambackwards · 8 years ago

Text

The titles and thumbnails...

Scrolling through the official Skam page the clip titles and the thumbnails started to make a new form of sence to me. Im pretty sure everybodys discovered the doubble meaning behind the titles of the clips. But I wanted to organize my thoughts.

Season 4

Episode 1

Clip 1: Er jeg sen? (Am I late?) Thumbnail shows Sana

Sanas late to help the guys move out Also a nodd to the viewers - they know we waited a loooong ass time for this!

Clip 2: Slave (slave) Thumbnail shows Elias

Sana looses and has to be her brothers slave Also a play on the misconseptions of gender equality in islam? Or a deeper meaning like Sanas feeling towards the different components in her life? And does this say something about Elias, since his face is the tn?

Clip 3: So hot (no need for translation) Thumbnail shows the girls

The girls go to the gym and look at Sanas hot brother and his hot friends work out Also a reflection of Sanas inner thoughts while watching Yousef. But maybe a comment on some of the interactions between certain of the girls?

Clip 4: Fy faen (Holy fuck (faen does not mean fuck, but is used in the same contexts)). Thumbnail shows the girls waiting

The girls meet up with the balloon squad and goes to a party and Sana gets a little heartbrake watching crush and best friend bonding. Here the fy faen can be directed at two main elements - fy faen the guys are hot! - fy faen life is unfair

Ep2

Clip 1: Feel it coming Thumbnail shows Sana praying

Sana tries to pray but is interupted by the girls in the secret chat and finally music and Yousef dancing to the song in the clip title. Also Sana may feel several things coming. - The girls messing with her home life - Her feelings towards Yousef - Her brother messing with her school life - Her mother learning about the russefeiring To sum up: maybe she can feel the shit getting ready to hit the fan as well as dilicious, tingly feelings about her crush.

Clip 2: The secret Thumbnail shows Noora and Sana

Noora and Sana talk about the party and Yousef. Noora start to spill about London. Mari offers them the bus. Vilde informs Noora about the book The Secret (and everybody that the sun is a star). Also both Noora and Sana is holding back in the conversation, keeping their secrets. Plus some may suspect that Vilde has a secret of her own.

Clip 3: Yousef Thumbnail shows Sana on her computer

Sana stalkes Yousef on facebook while Evak has domestic chat in the background. Isak sees the picture of Mikael and Yousef. Its hard to read anything else into the title and tumbnail of this one..

Clip 4: Norske party jenter (Norwegian Party Girls) Thumnail shows the girl squad The Pepsi Max girls show up to view the bus as well and stare off and insults occurs. Sana promises to find money (320k) after Sara calls the PMs norwegian party girls. Also a highligter on the contrast between Sana and the PM girls. But maybe a clever way to show that norwegian and party girl can have a lot of different meanings?

Episode 3

Clip 1: Inshalla (God willing) Thumnail shows Sana

Sana watches the balloon squad goof around while eating a carrot and telling her mother her husband will cook. To wich her mother replies; inshalla. Yousef enters the kitchen and heavy peeling and flirting occur. Inshalla that Sana get a cooking husband but also that this is Yousef?

Clip 2: Gratulerer med bussen (congratulations on the bus) Thumbnail shows Ingrid and Sara PM girls congratulates Sana whos busy charting with Yousef. They suggest sharing thd bus. Sana agrees as long as they pay and shes the boss. The girl squad is not that happy about it. Congratulations to whom? - The thumbnail is foreshadowing and its to rhe PM girls? - Is it ironical both in the way the PM girls say it, but also as forwshadowing? Like congratulations, this bus means a shitload of troubble

Clip 3: Slik lykkes du (This is how you succeed) Thumbnail shows Sana

Sana does research on bus consepts. Her mother misses their conversations. Sana lets her in on the secret of her beeing in love. Is the article the key to success in russetiden or communication the key to success in life?

Clip 4: Snakket ikke om han (didnt speak of him/talk about him) Thumbnail shows Sana

Even confronts Sana about Mikael and Isak. She assures him that shes told him nothing. Even asks about the guys and sends his regards to Sanas mom. The other him they dont speak of, is that Yousef?

Clip 5: Jeg dømmer ingen (I judge no one) Thumbnail shows Sana surrounded by girls dressed in white

I dont want to recap this clip because…🙁 But the no judgement comment - Sana about the drinking - The busgirls about Sana? - Sanas brother about her - Sanas parents about Yousef - Sana about Yousef(😔)

#skam #skam season 4

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norman-reedus-gossip · 8 years ago

Text

bulk

– mod– I’ll add to the comments as usual. Anon: The DM ran photos of DK in the exact same outfit with the exact same shopping bags iSaturday – walking alone. Check it out. No way she wore the identical outfit and had the same bags yesterday. The story conveniently tags them as yesterday when it was known N was back in NYC. The “getaway” makes for a much better story than 2 friends hanging out like he’s done with several female friends in the past few weeks (Ira, Jarah, Liz) – and been photographed with them too. These pics were set up.

Anon: what is everyone talking about with norman and what did this DK woman do? i’m late and curious because i really don’t want to find a way to dislike norman

Anon: grooooooooossssssssssssss. well if the other rumours are true, she wants a baby w him.

Normansweetpie: I honestly am surprised about Norman and Diane. And to the person that said Norman is a horrible person, you’re wrong. Norman liked Diane and I believe that Norman can do whatever he wants to do with his life. If Norman wants to date Diane, that’s fine.

Anon: So he is w a disgusting famewhoere. completely changes the way i see him. bye bye norman, no longer your fan (and im a lesbian, so this isn’t butthurt shit here)

Anon: If this is true, I don’t want to go to WSC London now. I don’t feel like meeting him if he has been lying to us this whole time.

Anon: Norman has to address this. He’s getting so much hate. I hope he shuts it down. Please Norman say it’s not true.

Anon: I can’t believe he lied to us. If this really is true, then everything he says is bullshit.

Anon: Mod, I am at a loss how this whole narrative in the NR fandom went from “DK is vile, they’re not friends ” to “DK is vile they’re definitely not dating cuz NR is sweet and great” to “They’re dating! They’re both vile!”…. Like, where is this coming from? Norman’s own fans would rather believe he’s some sort of vile scumbag than the alternative that maybe, just maybe 1) NR and DK are both decent people? And 2) none of us knows the private details of when/how they got together?

Anon: Mod in your opinion do you think he would have done that? He did things that made us believe he was single so do you think he was really lying to us the whole time? I want to cry if he was. I thought he was different. Do you think there’s a chance that he is just friends with her?

Anon: Just friends my ass. They’ve been together off and on for over a year. Time for fans to take off the delusional glasses and accept it. He’s a good ACTOR, isn’t he?

Anon: II thought that if this happened I would feel angry and sad and disappointed. But I feel relaxed and calm and I wish Norman finally have found the woman that will stay with him till the end. I feel really happy for him.

Anon: I hope that Norman realizes that Diane probably called the paparazzi and set that whole thing up so they would finally be outed as a couple. She is a real piece of work.

Anon: A few choice words like unwise, irresponsible, childish, selfish, asinine, and dishonest, as well as many more like them are all coming to mind right now.

Anon: I know it’s his life but I think he needs to say or do something for his fans now. Just like when he shut down the EK rumor. Btw, TMZ also reported that as official too, if I recall and that was never true either. Please say something about the truth of this, Norman

Anon: In the midst of this DK stuff, someone on Facebook who works at LaGuardia airport says she talked to Norman at work today. Do you know if he’s heading somewhere?

Anon: What had Diane done and why does everyone hate her?

Anon: I am an extremely disappointed… I was gonna say fan, but I can no longer even bring myself to write that much less say it. What an effing nightmare. Seriously, I’m not sure if Norman could make a more foolish decision.

Anon: I want to be clear this is not a DK hate (or even dislike) post. I have to say I find it a bit ironic of NR fans blaming the trash mags for NR not being able to “live his personal life”. If I’m not mistaken didn’t the pap pics originate in daily mail? Doesn’t DK and her people have a deal with them and they set up pics all the time? So I’m assuming DK or both of them are courting this attention, yes? I think we need PR wife again, lol.

Anon: Ok wait, it doesn’t have to mean they are together. She could have been hanging with him like he does with a lot of his female friends. And I stil think the pics are only one day. Not a “weekend getaway” I really hope he says something now, though. This back and forth is too much. I pray it’s friendship and nothing more because I don’t want to have to stop supporting him. Say something Norman.

Anon:  I cannot think of a single nice thing to say about Norman right now and I’m not sure I will ever be able to again. Anon: Dont you think that this is kinda ridicilous , this whole dk / nr is going on since 2015 , if they were together , they would already admit that and dont forget joshua and diane broke up a long time ago , so nr and her had a long time chance to admit it 🙄(sorry my english is not very good )  

Susa206: Everybody should calm down! In my opinion it´s obviously, that they are a couple. I think we don´t have the right to judge about his or her life! Nobody knows what really happened between DK and her former boyfriend….. I never liked her … but the most important thing, is that he is happy…. and we have to accept his choice…. ( sorry again for my bad english)

Anon: So are we to believe they have been so careful to not be seen out together in more than a year and now they are caught in his parking garage? Set up

Anon: she is just so unlikeable. ive read her interviews and seen her interviews. she is not likeable. this is bad new for his brand, but its his life. i know i won’t tune into anything he does if she is accompanying him or being mentioned. i know celebs are humans, but i also consider them brands that i choose to consume. ive no interest in using my money & attention to help her brand, and won’t consume anything she is attached to. sorry normski, not interested if you come w her as an add on

Anon: But hold on remember when he was photographed with Elsa Hosk? and they aren’t together. I know because of DK, it’s strange but I don’t think it proves it yet. Until Norman comes out and says it.

Anon: Mod , i would like to help you a bit. I also dont believe that they are together , in fact i do believe Diane might have a crush on Norman (who not) and im sure Norman knows that , but it seems he is enjoying his single life and told her that , and still wants to hang out as friends with her , because why not? Maybe they were out having dinner , maybe he or she made dinner at their homes! 😊( just what i think about the whole dk/n thing)

Anon: this norman stuff with TMZ, is utter bullshit. they are probably just friends and so what if they are dating, they should be happy that they are happy.

Anon: Mod , it seems you doubt about if they are friends or not ….

Anon: Mod, do you think they really are together or do you think the friends theory is possible? I just want to cry if it’s true. It’s not that he’s with someone but that it could be her! I hate her. She is nothing like him she is so full of herself and now he looks like a cheater and a liar. I didn’t think he was anything like that but now he looks like such a fake person. Not who he said he was to his fans. I’m so sad. What do you think Mod??

Anon: If them unloading a car together is the smoking gun on their relationship… damn! I am in a relationship with a bunch of cab drivers! Dammit… and here I am thinking I’m single!  

Rebellacycle: I’m sorry I’m laughing at a lot of this this man can’t be any where near a woman or his female fan loose their shit “ oh he’s with her no ” if he is dating her at least she is close to his age if she slept with him I’d hi- five her good for you Diane 😂🤣💪🏹 let him live his life I don’t know her we really as fans don’t know the both of them it’s his and her business if they are dating or not what ever and I would love to be at his next convention to see if these “ fans ” ask him about it

Anon: Sorry!! I meant good luck to HIM. I want the man to be happt but she is just YUCK. My bad. You always rule. I’m going to drink whiskey til I puke this weekend. Why do I care? I have no clue but am just disappointed.

Anon: Can someone post the pics of DK that are supposedly from Saturday, please. Also, are those pics on tmz from yesterday or Thursday. I’m confused!

Anon: Sooooooo are they together or were they just carpooling to like Whole Foods and Best Buy or something?

Anon: I’m done with NR. Cannot support this disgraceful behaviour whatsoever. More to the point how can he be okay with a supposed partner calling the paps on them? Entire thing is a mess. he is not who he pretends he was.

Anon: NR and DK kept their relationship hidden this long because they knew people would never forget about how their relationship got started (cheating) and they knew if they went public they would be one of the most hated couples in Hollywood. I seriously want to throw up she is such a horrid human being. N has developed really shit taste in women.

Anon: Here it goes. Seems like we finally got our proof and Norman and DK came out and made it public finally. They are together. You can’t tell me she’s just a friend cruising around with him and unloading his car. Not after all. I’m so disgusted, I almost vomited. I can’t believe Norman fell for this woman. I’m SO SO disappointed and disgusted! 😞

Anon: Those two horrible people deserve each other. And they deserve every ounce of hate that they get as long as they are together.

Anon: Isn’t there a simple way to clear it up? One or both of their reps will confirm or deny the rumors, right? NR had to do that with the EK thing. Plus I think isn’t DK going to LA for Oscar weekend stuff? If she gives any interviews I’m sure they’d ask about this, right?

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wildlove836 · 8 years ago

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2017

wow. okay. when I said 2016 fuck me up I didnt mean literally.

but god damn, once again I’ve rung in the new year heartbroken as can be, but wait there’s more. I fell in love with someone. he’s somehow worse than the last guy and hell I love him a thousand times more.

I’ve dealt with so much shit this year. I’m in a relationship with a drug addict. I didnt know it until about 3 months ago. I mean I knew, but I didnt know.

He asked me to marry him literally the 3rd day we spent together. no I didnt say yes, but apparently I did because now hes calling me his fiance n shit. I ‘lost’ my virginity to this guy. It sounds fucked up but it isnt as bad as it seems. or maybe it is and I still have a long way to go before I figure it all out.

I think I really love him. I think he really loves me. But people keep telling me he’s going to love those little crystals more.

I’ve seen some shit. My humdrum life has done a fucking tail spin in the last 6 months. I went from a full tank of gas and watching netflix all day to $1.43 in my bank account and needles hidden in the dresser drawers.

I’ve seen junkies, I’ve had shit stolen. I’ve watched him physically and mentally change without even noticing.

I’ve been choked and pushed and bruised and screamed at. I’ve done the same things back in a rage I didnt know I was capable of.

I’ve heard stories from child hood that make no sense but make perfect sense and I know I cant change the past but I’d very much like to.

I smoked weed and that shit was great at first but now its the only way I cant really talk to you, it seems. you told me that wasnt it but trust me. i’m too afraid to tell you the truth when we’re not...chill.

I’ve cried and screamed and walked away. I’ve waited hours upon hours for you to call. I havent slept and I’ve slept too much. I had a real panic attack for the first time in my life.

I’ve sat in the ER with you for 6+ hours after you crashed your car from being on adderall. I watched you literally mentally and physically break down in the pizza hut parking lot while normal fucking people watched and wondered what the fuck they could do for you and I just sat there next to you counting change from your pockets because you lost the receipts.

im sorry. i lost them somehow. who fucking knows. i’ll take the blame for it though if thats what I have to do.

i walked across train tracks wondering if maybe my foot my get caught while you told me you were addicted to sex and of course I should have already known this but surprise I didnt. its still my fault though.

we missed trick or treat with your daughter because you were on acid.

then the other day you brought her to my house and slept the whole time. you said what does it matter my parents see me taking her out of the house. well what the fuck do you care right. if you’re playing the part of dad. you son of a bitch. i love that girl and I know you do too but you better try harder. you better or you’ll lose faster if you have her.

I’ve seen you coming down down down. with a knife in your hands and the doors locked and the lights off. I’ve watched cops drive by thinking you were already dead.

I’ve had the best sexual experiences with you and only you. I got drunk and gave you a blow job after knowing I’d never have a dick in my precious mouth.

you called me perfectly imperfect for a while, now that i’ve lost my innocence you call me your miracle. these days I feel like a burden. enabler is the word i’m trying not to say because I know its the truth. but i didnt know. i swear i didnt.

and not in the fucking physical sense. i’m not giving him money or anything like that. im stressing him the fuck out. BUT FUCK HE NEVER MAKES ANY SENSE. and im stressed out too. doesnt anybody see that?

everybody knows him like I know him now. a fucking mind fuck. this little twat can turn a sentence around on you so quick you’re wondering what you even said in the first place. this mother fucker can have you so god damn confused you’re rethinking your whole life.

he does it on purpose. I think so he feels more normal on the inside. the only question I have is, was it the meth that brought it out of him or was it destined to come out eventually on its own. the crazy will never subside and I must admit that’s what somehow attracts me to him.

feeling like a complete dumbass after every conversation we have. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS. he’ll say, like I already knew it. and then i’ll realize I did already know it. he was telling me all along, but in his own way. like a secret language. and I cant fucking afford the rosetta stone for crazy talk.

half the relationship i spend KNOWING this shit isnt right for me and here i am thinking i have to do this i have to do this but i still dont know what love is. its breaking the god damn futton i know.

there’s no doubt about what i feel but really is it worth it. will he kill me. will i kill him. ive done things i never thought i would do. ive seen things i never thought i would see. the world is my fucking oyster over here. anything is possible. anything can happen. anything.

regardless, here I am. alone and wondering what hes doing. if he’s okay. a thousand and one fucking questions because he doesnt have a phone for me to call. and somehow now it feels like its my fault. it is my fucking fault and im crying a lot right now because of it. and im alone. so he can calm down. but i cant calm down without him. i need him. i need him. I NEED HIM. and im going insane worrying and wondering and crying and feeling okay for a little while.

now im just mad because hes okay without me. hes okay. and im not okay. it isnt fair. FUCK YOU. it isnt fair. do you even love me? DO YOU EVEN CARE. DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME. duh.

WHY DID I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB. I had what I needed. besides clarity and sanity so fuck, you cant blame me. hes been driving me insane since he spotted me.

but I know he fucking loves me. crazy people dont fuck around with shit like that. if they mean it they mean it. i feel it. I know it. I love it. its the only thing I understand ever. is my love for him. is it true. is it real. who fucking cares. its real and its ever present and its mostly reciprocated in good and bad ways. if i could walk away from it i already would have . i swear. i already would have but i havent so get off my fucking back.

but love is hard they tell me. love is fucking hard as hell and you’ve got to suffer before you can enjoy that shit, otherwise its not worth it. I realize this is too long and i’m not gonna reread it so nobody else is probably going to read it. thats okay. i needed to get it down on ‘paper’ just in case.

god just fucking pray for me or something. every time I feel like something is going to get worse it does okay. I had people burning up spoons in the trailer we were supposed to live in just to shoot up heroin and I was too busy making sure my boyfriend wasnt killing himself in a shed to realize.

old dude (thats what they call people in fairdale) literally over dosed in the bed that was supposed to be mine. in the bedroom that was supposed to be mine but I cant say anything about it? I CANT SAY ONE GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT IT?

nah because bf is too nice to people who ‘care’ to realize what they’re really doing in the big picture. she put her clothes in the closet that was supposed to be mine. mine. FUCKING MINE. but i cant be mad because shes homeless and has cancer. what a fucking lifetime movie. I DIDNT NEED THIS TO KNOW I WAS A SELFISH PERSON. I ALREADY KNEW. I’M GOOD AT HIDING IT. I WANT MY CLOSET SPACE BACK. I see drug abuse and friendship and something strikes me as sketchy. OMG. and dont get me started on the cheating.

he cheats on me. he puts his dick inside his best friend while they’re fucked up on whatever. they tell me she says no everytime he asks but this time she didnt. oh wow. what a perfect picture of a life im stuck in. what a romantic gesture. WHAT A FUCKING ROMANTIC COMEDY OF LIFE. i can keep my perfect pussy to myself and he cant go one fucking day without trying to put his dick in something. I WILL BUY YOU A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT TO FUCK IF THAT WILL KEEP YOUR DICK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

he says hes taking a shit when he goes over there but he takes a shit every time and they’re long shits. idk if its to fuck or whatever but its for sure about drugs. drugs that tear people apart and keep the glued together and they’re fucking ripped seams. god this sounds like fucking trash and it is. it literally is. and I know it but I cant do a damn thing about it because I love this trash. hes not trash. but he acts like it.

I know he’s not trash because somehow he has it all figured out. its like his autistic niche is seeing into the future and knowing for god damn sure that something is going to turn out the way it is but he wont fucking tell me. just straight up tell me the truth.

naaaah. that’d be too logical. he’d rather tell me the alternative lie. to keep me safe. HA. OKAY FROM WHAT. my life is so fucked up now.

needless to say 2016 has royally fucked me up. there’s probably a shit ton of stuff I forgot to mention and I should of because this is my collective fuck up recap but oh well. its not the last of it anyway. I know that for damn sure.

I just hope that when we get married or whatever the fuck next big thing happens in our lives. I hope it balances out the bad shit. because the bad shit is getting really hard to deal with. like really hard. like my hands are shaking sometimes hard and i feel like i cant kill myself because even in death i’d be worried about you and its nobodys fault but its our fault.

I know it is. he’s not even supposed to be in a relationship right now and what does this fucker do. he falls in love. true love with an innocent girl who has no idea what shes about to fucking go through. god damn. somebody help me. somebody really help me. I know I will always love him. more than the other mother fuckers I thought I cared about. I will fucking love him.

I FUCKING LOVE HIM. it makes me angry how much i love him. because it hurts me. a lot. but I wont stop. I cant. i wont. i never will. even if he stops loving me. i dont see how. but if he did. i’d still be calling and showing up and waiting outside and peeping in windows like a fucking nutcase. its my fucking ride or die. even if we broke up and i met someone else. god its not gonna be like this. it might be better. it might be a fucking dream. it might be date nights and morning kisses and flowers at work. but it wont be this. it wont be what i have with tey. nothing will ever be like this.and i fucking love that. im obsessed. im entranced. im in deep heartache love.

and ironically he does literally the worst thing he could do. the worst thing. he could. is love me irrevocably. whole heartedly. stubbornly. passionately. intentionally. desperately. in return. a love that i could live with for eternity. without a shadow of a doubt love. til the day we die in each others fucking arms.

its killing him. its killing us. but its keeping us alive.

how sobering is that shit.

#2017 #NewYearNewMe #relatinship #boyfriend #love #writing #spilledink #addiction #drugs #help me #literally #im so lost #and so in love

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wihlee17 · 5 years ago

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It’s been a long time since i posted something in here.. and i guess it took me a lot of pain to voice out my feelings and put it into writing.

I dont know what’s the plan of God. I never understand actually. We pray. We plead. We ask. But we get no answers. They said “ he must be busy answering everybody’s prayers, i just have to wait” . I said “if he’s really busy, why did he have to let people suffer in the first place. If life is fair and just, people wont ask for anything.” Then he won’t be busy.

Why do people have to experience sorrow, why do people have to get hurt. Endless why’s and no answers. Everything happens for a reason? Its so dumb and empty.

Tell you what. As empty as im feeling ryt now. Im still hanging on the edge hoping that someday God will answer my prayers. That someday God will finally realise how hard it is living in this world with a life like mine. Dont get me wrong. There are happy days. But most are full of doubts, anxiety and uncertainty.

Did i brought this to myself? Is this my punishment? Im so tired. Im so exhausted. And today i realise, no one’s gonna be able to understand me. That im gonna be alone forever. Coz no matter how hard i try, i still gonna end up lying on the same ground. No matter how i choose to be happy. God wont let me. And no matter how i try to be trusted and to trust, people will give up on me.

Honestly im tired. After losing dad, it felt like. Oh, wow. This is it. This is the end. And everyday is a living hell. You wont know how it hurts, you wont know how painful it is until you’ve lost someone that means the whole word to you.

It’s like breathing on a thick air everyday and no matter how hard you breathe, it seems like the air wont fill your lungs. It’s like waking up everyday and you just want to go back to sleep coz you’re afraid of feeling the same pain again.

But I will be able to carry all this burden. Im gonna try carrying it alone.

And dad, if you can hear me. I love you so much and i miss you every single day. You’ve gone too soon. And i hate it. I never get to say sorry. I never get to hear you say im forgiven. And im gonna carry that too for the rest of my life.

Dad, if you see me drifting away, please do a nudge on my head. I swear i wont get shocked and complain. But if you think am not gonna make it, pls be there to welcome me with your loving arms. And hey, there’s someone i was hoping you’d like you to meet, but its not gonna happen now because he gave up on me too. Im sorry for being such a failure dad.

But i know, as long as this heart works. Im gonna have to keep living. Have to face the world alone everyday. Im gonna try my hardest. Im gonna keep thriving.

Sa hangin ko na lang ibubulong lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sayo na sana lahat ng pagmamahal na dapat ipinaramdam ko noon umabot sayo. Sa hangin ko na lang ibubulong lahat ng pangarap ko na sana magkatotoo. I love you.

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therecoveringcatho-holic · 5 years ago

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mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

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