#everybody go bite that onions right now my final message

[aro-carpenter]

Wough

[myficsknowwhatyoudidinthedark]

Maxx Danziger x Reader “Maxx Tries Something New”

Ok! Here we go. You can already tell by the title what this is based off of. At least I hope you do. If not, Go on youtube and type the name of this fic in to the search bar. Enjoy! (Feel free to change any of the names in my fics. I use them so I don’t have to constantly type Y/N)

(Lara’s POV)

     Maxx was currently setting up the camera for Set It Off’s newest youtube video. The fans never really got to properly see or hear from me so we figured we would throw me in this video. He finally sat on the edge of the bed and pats beside him. I scoot up and he begins to record.

     “What’s u-” Maxx began as he was cut off by me sneezing.

     “Oh. Bless you love” He says as he turn back to the camera as I laugh at his reaction.

     “What’s up you guys, So here’s the situation. I was a very, very picky eater growing up. And by that I mean I had like, Pizza, Hotdogs and that was it. I haven’t had like 99% of the food on planet earth. And by haven’t tried most food I mean like, I haven’t had strawberries, I haven’t had a kiwi, I’ve never had a pear before. Almost any vegetable on Earth.” Maxx says as he talks about how little food he eats.

     “On the plus side, He is extremely easy to buy food for. You want in to the store and then walk out of the store. That’s what food shopping for Maxx is like.” I say as I laugh and he turns and laughs and nods along. He knew that statement was extremely true.

     “True, True. So as i’m speaking to you right now, the rest of the guys are at a grocery store getting a ton of food, weird food probably, for me to try for the very first time. We figure it’s a new year, it’s 2017, year of new experiences, and because of that, i’m gonna try some food.” He says and then turns off the camera then turn to me.

     “Why am I letting them do this?” He asks. I just shrug and laugh at him. He then just leaned back on the bed and turned the television back on. He slowly made his lazy ass up to the pillows and laid back.I just laid next to him and he pulled me close so I was cuddled in to his side. Throughout the course of the wait my phone would occasionally go off with Cody texting me about how crazy they look with just one of everything they got and how Zach dumped most of the stand of pistachio's in the basket even though they aren’t buying them.

     I then texted Cody to pick up some cookies for Maxx, after he eats the food they got him and he obviously thought it was a good idea knowing Maxx’s love for chocolate chip cookies. The last text I got before they left the store was that they bought something that was so foreign that they couldn’t find the code for it. Maxx and I where still cuddling and Pistol had made her way on to the bed at some point as well. That’s when I hear the front door open. Maxx was too lost in the show to even hear it so I just stayed. I then hear profuse chopping and yelling which is quite obviously Cody cutting things. Oh boy, here we go.

     So eventually the guys make there way upstairs and tell us that they got the food. As we get up to go Zach proceeds to mention how he wishes he cause Maxx jerking off and they walked in on him. To which I reply.

     “ZACH! GET YOUR OWN MAN!” And everyone just busts out laughing. When we get to the kitchen they ask Maxx what he thinks they got. “Ok. So I assume you guys got some sort of fruit. Some sort of vegetable. Something fucking disgusting and yeah I think all the others are going to be fucking disgusting.” He says as Cody replies with, “Your honestly not far off at all.” and Maxx just smiles and goes “good,great” as they all laugh.

     “Ladies and Gentleman! Welcome to Maxx tries something new.” Cody says as I sit next to Maxx and he goes, “here we fucking go.” And we all just laugh.

      They all huddle and point to a plate and bring him a kiwi. “Ooooohhh, Your going to like this one babe.” I say and he just looks and goes, “So do I eat this slice or....” to which I must point to the slice of kiwi. He eats the kiwi and he just goes “Hmm, That’s pretty good. That’s not bad at all” He says and puts up the ok hand motion.

     They once again huddle around the counter and then bring another plate with a green pepper on it. Maxx’s immediate thought to it being “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!” and we all can’t help but laugh. “I honestly can’t tell if that’s a vegetable or meat” and then picks it up and goes “it’s a pepper for sure.” and then continues to examine it.

     “BABE! Jesus Christ it’s a food not a fucking painting just eat it!” I yell and then he just stares at me with a fake shocked face and a smile and then bites into it. And according to Maxx the pepper “Tastes like water”. I just put my hand over my face as the guys laugh at him. “What is this?” He asks. Cody had to once again establish that “It’s a green bell pepper.” With Maxx immediately following with “It’s ehh”. I couldn’t help it. I just grab his head and press it againt my chest and he just lays there as I pet his head and laugh silently at him. “You heard it the verdict is ehh” Zach says as they all join in on the ehh part.

     Once again they huddle and all I could hear was “ I don’t even know what the fuck it is” from Zach. I lean over to Maxx and say “I don’t think your going to like this one babe.” I say as he turn and smiles at me. “Thanks for the warning baby girl” He replies as he kisses my cheek and the guys put it on the table. They all do a quick awww and then Dan puts a weird ass fruit and yells ‘OW’ repeatedly. 

     “That shit looks more like a weapon than i food” I say as I pick up my arm and make it look like i’m throwing something. Zach laughs along with the guys and goes “Your going to have to eat it with a spoon.” Once again, Maxx’s first reaction to it, is to compare it to a plumbus from Rick and Morty. And then says “I have no fucking idea what this is” As he waves his hands around with the fruit.

     “If you had to name this, what would you name it?” Cody asks. “Spiky no no plant” Is all Maxx says before Cody tells us that it is called a ‘Horned Melon’.

     Maxx digs right in causing it to make a nasty sound and all the guys to yell and laugh about the noise it made. After he tries it he claims that it’s like eating tadpoles and picks up the fruit and squeezes it making it seem like it’s talking and says “Im going to give this one a zero.” and everyone to laugh along. (Im so sorry im rambling. It is 6:15am and I am watching the video as we go. Im going to skip ahead a bit.)

     Within the next maybe 15 minutes of laughing and funny comments, Maxx had tried, Tuna or as he calls it “Cat food”, A pear, Which he liked but nicknamed it “the boogieman” from nightmare before christmas or an apple that just woke up one say and said “Whatever”, and Sour Kraut or “Onions that gave up” which he almost died from.

     Then Cody starts talking about how they kinda put him through hell and they knew he wasn’t going to like everything so they got something to as they said “Soften the blow”. And Cody turns to me and nods. They has told me where they put them through a text message so I just nod and Maxx looks kind of confused but excited. and goes “Is it more sour kraut?!” and they all joke about how it was more sour kraut. I get up and go to the fridge and get the cookies from the top which I had to get on my tippy-toes to get. 

     “So your lovely girlfriend suggested that we get you...” He starts as I turn around and he yells “OOOOOOHHHH SHIIITTTTTT! I have had those before.” and then goes for some cookies. “Do I get to keep the lovely lady as well?” He asks as I sit down next to him again and he puts his arm around me then pulls me to his lap. The guys just laugh and nod informing that he can indeed keep his girlfriend. And he then screams “BEST PRIZE EVERRRRRR!!!!” and then stack 2 chocolate chip cookies to make a cookie sandwich. He takes a bite throws it on the table and yells “100! ALL DAY BABY!” and throws his hands in the air. Then they did the whole outro thing.

     After they finished they talked for a few minutes and then me and Maxx head to our room by a well timed yawn on my part. Maxx then grabs me by the waist and throws me over his shoulder and begins to walk up the stairs as everybody yells a goodnight. Maxx throws me on the bed and then pushes my legs so that he can lay down. I just take off my pants leaving my in just a shirt and Maxx takes off his shirt and pants, as the man always has on skinny jeans and then gets under the covers and pulls me close. “Man, You really where the best prize today” He says as he wraps his arm around my waist and puts his head in to the crook of my neck and breathes in. 

     “Ehhh, I think the cookies where better.” I reply as I wrap my arms around him. (They are facing each other. Its kinda like a hug) “Yeah right. The difference between you and cookies are that they will eventually go bad. But you, you will always be perfect” He says as he then flips on to his back leaving me to lay on top of him.

     “You are so corny” I say as he just smirks and goes “Sorry, but i’ve never eaten corn. How corny can I be.” (I don’t know if he’s never had corn or nah) I just laugh and lay my head on his check. Little did we know, the guys where behind our door recording what we where saying and where going to edit that into the video.

     God. How could anybody not Love Maxx Danziger.

(Hope you guys liked it. I know I rambled and I’m so so sorry but I got distracted and before I knew it this was so long. But anyway I should probably get sleeping it’s almost 7am and I haven’t slept yet. Much Love Guys)

                                                                                        ~Astral

[our-umair-mehry-stuff]

The United States of Guns By Jason Kottke

Like many of you, I read the news of a single person killing at least 10 people in Santa Fe, Texas today. While this is an outrageous and horrifying event, it isn’t surprising or shocking in any way in a country where more than 33,000 people die from gun violence each year.

America is a stuck in a Groundhog Day loop of gun violence. We’ll keep waking up, stuck in the same reality of oppression, carnage, and ruined lives until we can figure out how to effect meaningful change. I’ve collected some articles here about America’s dysfunctional relationship with guns, most of which I’ve shared before. Change is possible — there are good reasons to control the ownership of guns and control has a high likelihood of success — but how will our country find the political will to make it happen?

An armed society is not a free society:

Arendt offers two points that are salient to our thinking about guns: for one, they insert a hierarchy of some kind, but fundamental nonetheless, and thereby undermine equality. But furthermore, guns pose a monumental challenge to freedom, and particular, the liberty that is the hallmark of any democracy worthy of the name — that is, freedom of speech. Guns do communicate, after all, but in a way that is contrary to free speech aspirations: for, guns chasten speech.

This becomes clear if only you pry a little more deeply into the N.R.A.’s logic behind an armed society. An armed society is polite, by their thinking, precisely because guns would compel everyone to tamp down eccentric behavior, and refrain from actions that might seem threatening. The suggestion is that guns liberally interspersed throughout society would cause us all to walk gingerly — not make any sudden, unexpected moves — and watch what we say, how we act, whom we might offend.

We’re sacrificing America’s children to “our great god Gun”:

Read again those lines, with recent images seared into our brains — “besmeared with blood” and “parents’ tears.” They give the real meaning of what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School Friday morning. That horror cannot be blamed just on one unhinged person. It was the sacrifice we as a culture made, and continually make, to our demonic god. We guarantee that crazed man after crazed man will have a flood of killing power readily supplied him. We have to make that offering, out of devotion to our Moloch, our god. The gun is our Moloch. We sacrifice children to him daily — sometimes, as at Sandy Hook, by directly throwing them into the fire-hose of bullets from our protected private killing machines, sometimes by blighting our children’s lives by the death of a parent, a schoolmate, a teacher, a protector. Sometimes this is done by mass killings (eight this year), sometimes by private offerings to the god (thousands this year).

The gun is not a mere tool, a bit of technology, a political issue, a point of debate. It is an object of reverence. Devotion to it precludes interruption with the sacrifices it entails. Like most gods, it does what it will, and cannot be questioned. Its acolytes think it is capable only of good things. It guarantees life and safety and freedom. It even guarantees law. Law grows from it. Then how can law question it?

Roger Ebert on the media’s coverage of mass shootings:

Let me tell you a story. The day after Columbine, I was interviewed for the Tom Brokaw news program. The reporter had been assigned a theory and was seeking sound bites to support it. “Wouldn’t you say,” she asked, “that killings like this are influenced by violent movies?” No, I said, I wouldn’t say that. “But what about ‘Basketball Diaries’?” she asked. “Doesn’t that have a scene of a boy walking into a school with a machine gun?” The obscure 1995 Leonardo Di Caprio movie did indeed have a brief fantasy scene of that nature, I said, but the movie failed at the box office (it grossed only $2.5 million), and it’s unlikely the Columbine killers saw it.

The reporter looked disappointed, so I offered her my theory. “Events like this,” I said, “if they are influenced by anything, are influenced by news programs like your own. When an unbalanced kid walks into a school and starts shooting, it becomes a major media event. Cable news drops ordinary programming and goes around the clock with it. The story is assigned a logo and a theme song; these two kids were packaged as the Trench Coat Mafia. The message is clear to other disturbed kids around the country: If I shoot up my school, I can be famous. The TV will talk about nothing else but me. Experts will try to figure out what I was thinking. The kids and teachers at school will see they shouldn’t have messed with me. I’ll go out in a blaze of glory.”

In short, I said, events like Columbine are influenced far less by violent movies than by CNN, the NBC Nightly News and all the other news media, who glorify the killers in the guise of “explaining” them. I commended the policy at the Sun-Times, where our editor said the paper would no longer feature school killings on Page 1. The reporter thanked me and turned off the camera. Of course the interview was never used. They found plenty of talking heads to condemn violent movies, and everybody was happy.

Jill Lepore on the United States of Guns:

There are nearly three hundred million privately owned firearms in the United States: a hundred and six million handguns, a hundred and five million rifles, and eighty-three million shotguns. That works out to about one gun for every American. The gun that T. J. Lane brought to Chardon High School belonged to his uncle, who had bought it in 2010, at a gun shop. Both of Lane’s parents had been arrested on charges of domestic violence over the years. Lane found the gun in his grandfather’s barn.

The United States is the country with the highest rate of civilian gun ownership in the world. (The second highest is Yemen, where the rate is nevertheless only half that of the U.S.) No civilian population is more powerfully armed. Most Americans do not, however, own guns, because three-quarters of people with guns own two or more. According to the General Social Survey, conducted by the National Policy Opinion Center at the University of Chicago, the prevalence of gun ownership has declined steadily in the past few decades. In 1973, there were guns in roughly one in two households in the United States; in 2010, one in three. In 1980, nearly one in three Americans owned a gun; in 2010, that figure had dropped to one in five.

A Land Without Guns: How Japan Has Virtually Eliminated Shooting Deaths:

The only guns that Japanese citizens can legally buy and use are shotguns and air rifles, and it’s not easy to do. The process is detailed in David Kopel’s landmark study on Japanese gun control, published in the 1993 Asia Pacific Law Review, still cited as current. (Kopel, no left-wing loony, is a member of the National Rifle Association and once wrote in National Review that looser gun control laws could have stopped Adolf Hitler.)

To get a gun in Japan, first, you have to attend an all-day class and pass a written test, which are held only once per month. You also must take and pass a shooting range class. Then, head over to a hospital for a mental test and drug test (Japan is unusual in that potential gun owners must affirmatively prove their mental fitness), which you’ll file with the police. Finally, pass a rigorous background check for any criminal record or association with criminal or extremist groups, and you will be the proud new owner of your shotgun or air rifle. Just don’t forget to provide police with documentation on the specific location of the gun in your home, as well as the ammo, both of which must be locked and stored separately. And remember to have the police inspect the gun once per year and to re-take the class and exam every three years.

Australia’s gun laws stopped mass shootings and reduced homicides, study finds:

From 1979 to 1996, the average annual rate of total non-firearm suicide and homicide deaths was rising at 2.1% per year. Since then, the average annual rate of total non-firearm suicide and homicide deaths has been declining by 1.4%, with the researchers concluding there was no evidence of murderers moving to other methods, and that the same was true for suicide.

The average decline in total firearm deaths accelerated significantly, from a 3% decline annually before the reforms to a 5% decline afterwards, the study found.

In the 18 years to 1996, Australia experienced 13 fatal mass shootings in which 104 victims were killed and at least another 52 were wounded. There have been no fatal mass shootings since that time, with the study defining a mass shooting as having at least five victims.

From The Onion, ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens:

At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”

But America is not Australia or Japan. Dan Hodges said on Twitter a few years ago:

In retrospect Sandy Hook marked the end of the US gun control debate. Once America decided killing children was bearable, it was over.

This can’t be the last word on guns in America. We have to do better than this for our children and everyone else whose lives are torn apart by guns. But right now, we are failing them miserably, and Hodges’ words ring with the awful truth that all those lives and our diminished freedom & equality are somehow worth it to the United States as a society.

Tags: guns   USA May 19, 2018 at 02:31AM via kottke.org https://ift.tt/2IT7cMO